#but i still have friends who i talk to every single day and i have things set up so that i am actually speaking to people like dnd
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hjvi · 2 days ago
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𝘾𝙧𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙔𝙤𝙪
Pairing: Chris Sturniolo x Fem!Reader
Summary: Intimacy, intimacy, intimacy.
Warnings: Smut. MDNI. Kissing, touching, fingering. Inexperienced and slightly innocent reader. Loss of virginity.
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You’re sitting on the worn, overstuffed couch in Christopher’s basement, the dim light of a single lamp casting a golden glow over the room. The faint hum of his laptop sits in the background, but your focus is entirely on him. Christopher—your Christopher—is pacing, talking a mile a minute, hands flying in every direction as he tells you about some ridiculous idea for a YouTube video. To anyone else, he’d be this loud, fast-talking ball of energy, hard to follow and even harder to keep up with. But to you, he’s everything.
Ever since you were kids, you’ve known a side of Chris that no one else sees. To everyone else, he was the annoying kid who couldn’t sit still, who blurted out answers in class without raising his hand, and who was always two steps ahead of himself. But you—you saw the quiet moments. The times when he’d focus so intently on a drawing or a thought, his blue eyes narrowing in concentration, the world fading around him. You saw the way he’d bite his lip when he was nervous or how his hands fidgeted when he was trying to keep his energy under control. To you, he wasn’t just loud or impatient—he was a puzzle, intricate and endlessly fascinating. And for some reason, you were the only person who seemed to want to figure him out.
The two of you grew up in the same neighborhood, your houses just a few blocks apart. Your earliest memory of Chris is of him at a birthday party when you were six. He’d been the kid running around with cake smeared on his face, laughing so hard he could barely breathe. But later that same day, you’d found him sitting under the dining table, quietly drawing pictures of dinosaurs on the napkins. He’d looked up when you crawled under to join him and smiled, wide and genuine. “You like dinosaurs too?” he’d asked, his tone curious, his smile so warm it felt like sunshine. From that moment, it was like you’d known each other forever.
As the years passed, your friendship deepened. Chris was the only friend you ever needed. He was loud, sure, but he always made space for you. No matter how chaotic his energy was, he’d stop everything to listen when you needed to talk. It amazed you how someone so full of life could also be so present, so deeply invested in you. He’d lean back in his chair, hands still for once, his blue eyes locked on yours. “You’re seriously the only person who gets me,” he’d say, and you’d believe him.
When you were ten, the two of you made a promise. It was one of those silly, half-serious pacts kids make late at night when the world feels a little too big. You were sitting on his bed, the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling casting faint shadows. “If we don’t have anyone else by the time we’re, like, old—I dunno, twenty-five or something—we’ll just get married, okay?” he’d said, his tone light but his eyes sincere. You’d laughed and agreed, pinky-promising under the covers.
You never told anyone about that promise, but it stayed with you. Maybe because deep down, you’d always known there was something different about the way you felt about Chris. You’d always loved him, in one way or another. But it wasn’t until recently that you realized he loved you too—not just as a friend, but as something more.
It happened one night a few weeks ago. The two of you were sitting on the hood of his car, parked at the edge of an empty lot. The sky was clear, stars scattered across the black canvas above you. Chris was quieter than usual, his leg bouncing as he stared out into the night.
“Hey,” he’d said suddenly, turning to look at you. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course,” you’d replied, your voice soft.
He’d hesitated, his usual confidence faltering. Then he’d smiled, small and shy. “I think I’ve been in love with you since, like, forever. You’re the best part of my life, you know that?”
Your heart had stopped, then started again, pounding so hard you were sure he could hear it. You’d felt your cheeks heat up, and for a moment, all you could do was nod.
Since then, everything had shifted. You and Chris were still you, still the same two kids who had grown up together, but now there was something more. You’d found yourself leaning into it, letting yourself be vulnerable in a way you never had before.
But there were still parts of you that held back. Chris had always been so sure of himself, so full of life, while you had always been a little more reserved. You loved the way he looked at you, like you were the only person in the world, but sometimes you couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. You’d always been thin, your body a mix of sharp angles and soft curves, and while Chris never seemed to notice the things you picked apart about yourself, the insecurity lingered.
The evening in Christopher’s basement feels like every other moment you’ve spent with him, but there’s a new charge in the air, one you can’t ignore. The two of you are on the worn couch again, the soft hum of the paused movie barely audible in the background. His arm rests along the back of the couch, his fingers brushing the ends of your hair. It’s a small touch, one that sends warmth rushing through you.
Chris leans closer, and his voice is softer than usual. “You okay?” he asks, those piercing blue eyes of his locking on yours.
You nod, smiling at the way his concern seems to melt into relief almost instantly. He tilts his head, his messy hair falling into his face just a bit. “Good,” he says, his lips twitching into that familiar, crooked smile that’s always made your heart stutter.
His hand brushes your hair from your face, and for a moment, it feels like the world has slowed. He moves in closer, his lips hovering just inches from yours. The tension is palpable, hanging between you two, thick like a storm that’s about to break. The quiet pulse of your heartbeat fills your ears
You don’t remember who moved first, but suddenly his lips are on yours. It’s gentle at first, an exploration, a shared breath as if testing the waters. But as his lips press against yours again, firmer this time, something shifts. His hands slip behind your neck, pulling you in closer, tilting your head as his mouth moves against yours with more urgency. You respond in kind, your fingers finding the soft curls at the nape of his neck, tugging him closer still. His lips part slightly, and you follow suit, the kiss deepening as your breath quickens.
You kiss him back, feeling the heat of him spread through you. The world fades, and it’s just the two of you, the taste of him on your lips, the soft slide of his mouth against yours. You lean in, deepening the kiss.
His hand slips from your neck, trailing slowly down your body, fingertips brushing the edge of your shirt, and then—deliberate—he slides his hand beneath the fabric. His touch sends a shiver down your spine, his fingers warm against the bare skin of your waist. You feel him hesitate for just a split second, his touch lingering there, waiting for permission.
He pulls back for a moment, his breath hot against your lips. His eyes are locked on yours, searching for something, maybe reassurance, maybe a signal to continue. You can see the longing in his gaze, but there’s something else there too—a tenderness that cuts through the heat of the moment.
“Is this okay?” he whispers, his voice low and raspy, as if he’s afraid of pushing you too far, too fast.
You nod, your throat tight, but even in the dim light, you feel exposed—vulnerable in a way you’ve never been before. “Yeah… just… just slow down a little,” you say, the words coming out in a breathy whisper. You reach up, your fingers trailing down his chest, feeling the heat of his skin through his shirt.
He nods, his fingers trailing down your arm before they find your shirt. With a sudden surge of confidence, he starts unbuttoning it, his fingers careful but sure. You can feel every movement, every inch of fabric that loosens, as if the small space between you and him is collapsing with each passing second.
As the fabric falls open, his fingers trace the curve of your collarbone, the heat of his touch spreading through you like wildfire. You shiver beneath his hand, but instead of moving away, he closes the distance again, kissing you harder, deeper, as though he can’t stop himself, as though the world outside the two of you has ceased to exist.
His lips leave yours, trailing down to your neck, and you gasp, feeling the soft press of his mouth against your skin. His hands move, carefully but insistently, exploring, learning the shape of you. You feel exposed, vulnerable—but with Chris, it’s different. It’s safe. He’s not rushing, not forcing anything; he’s savoring every inch of you.
You pull him back up to kiss him again, your hands tangled in his hair, pulling him into you with a hunger that surprises you. He groans softly, pressing his body against yours, the heat of him intoxicating. Your hearts beat in sync now, and everything else—the noise, the world outside, the insecurities—fades into the background.
His lips move to your neck, kissing the soft skin just below your ear, and you shiver, your breath catching in your throat. He pauses again, his lips lingering there as if savoring the taste of your skin. His hands are now at the hem of your shirt, sliding it upwards, slowly exposing more of your bare skin.
You don’t stop him immediately. Instead, you close your eyes, letting yourself drown in the sensation. But when his fingers move lower, his touch now bold and unhesitant, you freeze. His fingers find the clasp of your bra, the small piece of fabric that is the last barrier between you and the vulnerability you’re feeling in this moment.
It’s not that you don’t want him, not that you don’t trust him. But something inside you shifts, a rush of uncertainty flooding you all at once. You swallow hard, the intensity of the situation pulling you back to earth. You place your hand gently on his chest, stopping him just as his fingers brush the clasp.
“Chris… wait,” you murmur, your voice shaky.
He pulls back immediately, his eyes wide with concern, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths, pulling back just enough to meet your eyes. His brow furrows in concern, and his voice is low and steady when he speaks. “I’m sorry… I—I didn’t mean to—”
You shake your head, your fingers pressing lightly against his chest, grounding yourself. “No, it’s not that… it’s just—” You pause, looking into his eyes, seeing the question there. “I’m not ready for that. Not yet.”
His shoulders relax, but his gaze doesn’t waver. He nods slowly, his lips pressing into a thin line as he processes your words. “Okay,” he says, his voice soft but certain. “That’s all you ever have to say, you know? I’m not here to push you into anything.”
You drop your hand from his wrist, but he doesn’t move away. Instead, his hand lingers on your side, the touch no longer exploring but reassuring. “It’s not just that,” you continue, your voice shaky. “I—I don’t feel… good about myself. I know I’m too thin, and I just don’t—”
“Stop,” he interrupts gently, his tone firm but full of warmth. “Don’t do that to yourself, okay? You’re not ‘too’ anything. You’re you, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Tears well up in your eyes, and you glance away, feeling vulnerable under his steady gaze. But Chris isn’t having it. He shifts so that he’s kneeling on the couch in front of you, his hands coming up to cradle your face. “Look at me,” he says, his thumbs brushing the corners of your eyes where the tears threaten to spill. “You’re beautiful, m’kay? Not because of what you think you should look like or whatever you’re comparing yourself to. You’re beautiful because you’re you. And I swear, I’ll spend the rest of my life reminding you of that if I have to.”
The sincerity in his voice leaves you breathless. You blink up at him, and when he sees the tears falling, he leans in to press a soft kiss to your forehead. “I’m serious,” he murmurs against your skin. “You never have to explain yourself to me. I’ll always wait for you, no matter how long it takes. Because it’s not about me, or even this. It’s about us.”
You nod, your hands finding their way to his as they rest against your cheeks. “Thank you,” you whisper, your voice barely audible.
He shakes his head, a small smile playing on his lips. “You don’t have to thank me. I love you, that’s all.”
The two of you stay like that for a long time, the weight of the conversation settling into a comforting quiet. Eventually, Chris pulls you into his arms, shifting so that you’re both lying back on the couch. His hand runs gently up and down your arm, his touch soothing.
He leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
You breathe out a sigh of relief, feeling the weight of your own emotions settle in the safety of his words. He’s not in a hurry. He’s not pushing you. And somehow, that makes everything feel better, more right. The tension that had been building between you two dissolves into something quieter, softer. You still feel the heat of him beside you, the pull of his presence—but now, it feels like something you’re ready to embrace, when the time comes.
And as the night stretches on, you both stay there, wrapped up in each other, waiting for whatever comes next. The promise of more—a promise that can’t be broken.
But as the hours tick by and the night grows colder, you can feel it: things are about to change. The future, unknown and full of possibilities, awaits just beyond the horizon.
And whatever it holds, you know one thing for sure: you’ll face it together.
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Months have passed since that night, and the walls you’d so carefully built between the two of you are beginning to feel fragile—like old bricks slowly crumbling, piece by piece. With every moment you’ve spent with Chris since, the weight of the space between you has only grown heavier, more unbearable. There’s something in the air now, a shift that feels as inevitable as the tide. You can feel it in the way he looks at you, in the way his voice deepens when he speaks your name, in the way his hands linger on your body just a little longer than before.
The tension between you both has escalated, winding itself around every glance, every touch, every whispered conversation. What started as tentative steps into new territory—those quiet, soft moments—has gradually transformed into something more intense, more urgent. You’ve grown so close that it’s almost suffocating in the best possible way, each of you navigating the space between comfort and longing, between safety and desire.
You’ve taken things much further now. Your lips no longer linger at the edge of hesitation; they meet his with fervor, with want, with a fire that feels like it could burn through everything in its path. The warmth of his touch sends waves of electricity through you, leaving you breathless and wanting more. You’ve learned every contour of his body, every curve of his smile, the exact way his lips feel against yours.
But none of it is enough.
You’ve built something with Chris, something you know is real, something you can’t imagine living without. But every time his hands trace the line of your back, his fingers brushing against the bare skin under your shirt, every time his lips leave a trail of soft kisses down your neck, it only leaves you wanting more. Not just his touch—not just the feeling of him beside you—but the intensity of everything he makes you feel, the wild, untamed yearning that has settled in your chest, burning brighter with each passing day.
It’s hard to put into words, the way it’s grown. The longing, the craving—it’s like a hunger you can’t ignore, can’t sate, no matter how many times your lips meet, how many times his hands gently pull you closer. You need more. You need him like you’ve never needed anything before. Your body aches for him in a way you hadn’t fully realized until now—until every moment you’ve spent with him has built to this crescendo, this pressure that you can’t push down anymore. It’s there when he smiles at you, his eyes full of mischief and sincerity all at once. It’s there when he touches you, his fingertips grazing your skin like a spark that could light the fuse of something you’ve been holding back for too long.
Tonight, the air feels thick with it. You’re sitting next to him on his couch, the soft hum of his laptop still present in the background, but it’s drowned out by the sound of your breathing, your heart pounding in your chest. The way his hand rests just inches from yours—your fingers brushing, the slightest touch—sets your pulse racing. Every movement he makes is like a promise, every glance, every small laugh, an invitation.
He shifts closer, his thigh pressed against yours, the warmth of his body radiating through your clothes. His arm finds its way around your shoulders, pulling you gently into his side, and for a moment, you just lean into him, taking in the feeling of his proximity. But the moment doesn’t last long. You can’t ignore the way his lips linger near your ear, the way his breath fans over your skin, sending a shiver down your spine.
“You know,” he murmurs, his voice low and soft, teasing, “I’ve been thinking about this... about us... a lot lately.”
You turn your head slightly, meeting his gaze. His eyes are darker now, filled with a mixture of warmth and desire that makes your heart skip a beat. He’s not talking about just the past few months of your friendship, not talking about the casual touches or the quiet moments where your hearts would connect in a way you never thought possible. He’s talking about something more, something that neither of you has fully embraced yet.
“I want you, m’kay?” he says, his voice rough around the edges, his hand sliding down to your waist. His fingers press into your side gently, but you can feel the strength in his touch. It’s almost as if he’s trying to hold back, trying to be respectful of the space you’ve both created over the months, but the desire is too strong now.
You breathe out, feeling your chest tighten as he leans in, his lips barely brushing against yours. The kiss is slow, deliberate, his lips moving against yours with an intensity that makes everything else fall away. His hand moves up to cup your face, his thumb tracing the line of your jaw, and you feel it—everything you’ve been craving—crash over you in waves.
You’ve always known how much you wanted him, but this? This is different. This feels like a tipping point, a line you’re both about to cross. And as his kiss deepens, as his hand slides down to your back, pulling you closer, you know it’s no longer about holding back. It’s about surrendering to what’s between you, letting it consume you in the way you’ve longed for.
His lips trail down to your neck, his breath hot against your skin. You tilt your head back slightly, giving him better access, the pulse in your throat beating in time with the wild thrum of your heart. His hands move with purpose now, slipping under your shirt, his fingers grazing the skin of your stomach, sending a wave of heat rushing through you.
And then his fingers find the clasp of your bra. There’s no hesitation now. His touch is confident, sure. You can feel the pressure of his hand against your skin as he works at it, slowly and deliberately. But just as the clasp starts to loosen, you freeze. It’s not that you don’t want him—it’s that you feel yourself on the edge of something, something that makes you nervous but excited all at once.
You place your hand gently on his chest, stopping him. It’s not a rejection; it’s just… a moment of clarity. You pull back slightly, your breath ragged, and meet his eyes. His expression softens, and his lips curl into a small, reassuring smile.
“Are you sure?” he asks, his voice gentle, full of concern. “I don’t want to rush you.”
You take a deep breath, nodding slowly. “I want this, Chris. I really do."
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On one particular Saturday night in the midst of autumn, you found yourself propped up against Chris’s side on one of the couches in the triplets party, legs bent up at your chest as you fiddled with frayed denim at the end of your pant leg. Chris was in a debate with a random man, someone he seemed to know well enough to bullshit with, talking about how the two had snagged something good off a rich man’s car not too long ago.
If it hadn’t been for the incessant rap music Nick played when it rounded two in the morning you’d likely have fallen asleep against Chris, but the occasional jump of a new song kept you jerking awake, a tired pout situating itself on your features as you rested your cheek against Chris’s shoulder.
“Looks like your miss is real tired.” The man stated, taking a long puff from his cigar before gesturing toward you with the end of it, a snicker following his words as he propped himself up against the end of his pool cue. Chris quirked a brow, looking down at you where you were tucked into his side with a hidden smile.
“Guess she is.” He murmured, not saying anything more beyond that before moving to prop himself up straighter, hand smoothing down your back as he looked down at you. “Tired?”
You weren’t tired, tired. More so bored, the constant scent of smoke and alcohol wasn’t helping the boredom or the budding headache in the back of your skull. But knowing if you said anything other than ‘yes’ at that moment would result in another hour downstairs, you nodded, feigning a yawn as you let your eyes flutter deceptively.
Chris caught on, but he didn’t say anything. Instead choosing to click his tongue against his teeth as he played along, shrugging as he moved to stand. “I’ll see you later, man.” He stated, causing the older man to shrug himself before dispersing off into the crowd. Chris turned to you, helping you to your feet before leading you up the stairs.
“Lyin’ is a sin, y’know that right?” He chuckled out, quiet enough for only you to hear as he nudged open his bedroom door with the toe of his shoe, causing you to laugh yourself and avert your gaze from his as you moved into the familiar room.
“Didn’t lie.” You mumbled out, another pout crossing your lips as you kicked off your shoes, making your way to his bed. “Real tired, Chrissy.”
“Sure, doll.” He snickered from the corner of the room as you made yourself comfortable on the bed, the familiar metallic clang of his belt hitting the wooden floor echoing throughout the room soon after.
He moved beside you then, letting out a sigh as he wrapped his arms around your middle, pulling your back flush with his chest. The sound of rap music and clattering pool balls still echoed from downstairs, but the only thing you could bring yourself to focus on was the feeling of Chris’s knee between your legs.
It was an innocent move, both of you slept with your legs intertwined, it felt comfortable given how small his bed was. As he shifted to get more comfortable his knee pressed harder against your clothed cunt, causing your cheeks to flush red as you choked back a whine. Chris stiffened, breath catching in his throat as he took a moment to gauge your reaction before moving his knee again.
“Chri-“ You whined, hand moving down in between your legs as you buried your face into the pillow you two shared, his scent lingering heavily on the fabric doing nothing to quell the growing ache between your legs.
“What, doll? Feel good?” He whispered, words ghosting across the nape of your neck, causing your back to arch involuntarily as you slowly nodded. His hand smoothed down your front, bumping over the fabric of your shirt and jeans as he slowly moved to cup your sex, ever so gently applying pressure as he rocked himself against you.
You felt yourself soaking your underwear with arousal the longer he rutted against you, his fingers pressing against your cunt through your jeans as he did. A familiar sensation bloomed in your lower stomach, one that left you clenching your thighs around his palm as you tried to quell the growing ache.
“Gotta tell me what you want.” He whispered against the shell of your ear, trailing a litany of open-mouthed kisses along the curvature of your throat, pressure from his fingers increasing against your cunt. “Need to hear you say it.”
“Fuck, Christopher, just fuck me.” You whined, embarrassment over the prospect of voicing your needs soon being overweighed by the sheer need you felt for him, your hand moved to grasp at his forearm as you begged. “Please, Chris.”
That seemed to be all he needed as he moved to sit up on his knees, pressing another kiss to your jaw before pulling his shirt up and over his head. You laid there, lips parted as you watched him undress, feeling your blush spread from your cheeks to the top of your chest. You wanted to touch him, feel him, kiss him - so you did. You moved to sit up, folding your legs underneath yourself as you moved to press a kiss to his lips, hands moving to cup his jaw, only pulling away when you felt that familiar pull to touch him elsewhere.
You’d seen him without a shirt, but you’d never truly been able to admire him until now. Your hands wavered over his body, fingertips dipping in between the rivets of his toned skin, along healed scars, a faint bruise that still lingered under the left side of his ribcage. Above it all you found yourself fascinated with the way his chest rose with each breath and the small freckles that lined his skin. They reminded you of the ones he’d gotten from his time in the sun that plastered themselves against his cheekbones and upper shoulders.
Chris let you look, eyes fluttering whenever your hands would drift farther south than before. You could hear him taking in shuddering breaths, chest catching every few minutes as though he were teetering on the edge of self-control. He raised his hands then, looking to you for approval before he lifted your shirt up and over your head, bundling the soft fabric in his hands before letting it fall to the floor.
You reached your hands behind yourself, unclasping your bra, letting the straps fall down your shoulders until your bra collapsed into your lap, exposing your breasts to him. He felt his throat dry, blue eyes flickering between your chest and your eyes before he moved to gently lay you back against his bed, situating himself over top of you.
“You want this?” His words were hushed as his hand drifted down over your bare stomach, slowly unbuttoning your jeans as he kept his gaze locked on your face, watching for any sign of discomfort or worry. When you responded with a nod and a quiet, “I want this.” He smiled, a soft laugh leaving him as he leaned down to press a kiss to your lips.
You’d envisioned losing your virginity hundreds of times, a perfect encapsulation of what sex had to be painted in your mind, vivid and blaring. But this was so different, the way Chris was so gentle, not afraid to laugh if something awkward happened, both of you sharing the pure moment of intimacy with smiles on your face. Nothing could’ve ever prepared you for it and that somehow made it all so much better.
As he slid your jeans off your legs he smiled up at you, a soft look on his face as he tossed the denim to the floor, moving back up to place another languid kiss to your lips. His hand moved between your thighs, fingers splaying against your cunt through your underwear, a groan passing his lips when he felt just how wet you’d become.
“Chris, please-“ You begged, thighs trembling as he continued to tease you through your underwear. He relented, placing a gentle kiss to your jaw before moving to sit back up, slowly sliding your underwear down and off your body before discarding them to the floor as well.
“So beautiful.” He murmured, eyes wandering over your form laid in front of him, hands smoothing up and down your sides as he took it all in. “So fuckin’ beautiful, doll.”
You watched with bated breath as he slipped his jeans off, kicking his boxers off along with them. His length was bigger than you’d anticipated, only having felt the shape of it when you’d ground down against him during your frequent make-out sessions. As if sensing your apprehension he moved back over you, hand moving to cup your cheek as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.
“It won’t hurt, alright? We’ll take it slow, real slow.” He whispered, voice soothing as he helped you to wrap your legs around his hips, your heels subtly digging into the flesh of his lower back. He smiled down at you, eyes voicing a silent question if you were alright to which you quickly nodded back, a smile upon your face as well.
He braced himself on his arm, face close to yours as he slid a hand down between you, helping to guide himself inside before sliding his fingers up to slowly circle your clit. A moan left you at the feeling, leaving you clenching around his tip, the feeling causing him to bite back a grunt as he slowly began pushing in.
“Fuck, you’re so tight.” He groaned out, brows screwing together as he pushed himself to the hilt inside of your welcoming cunt, pausing in his movements to give you a chance to grow used to the feeling. “Doin’ so good, baby, so good.”
You’d heard horror stories from your friends, tales of how their first time had been painful and rushed, but this felt the complete opposite. While it took you a moment to grow used to the feeling of him inside of you, A sharp groan slips from your lips, the sound escaping before you can stop it. The sharp sting still lingers, a fiery sensation that makes every breath feel a little too heavy. You try to steady yourself, but the pain pulses with each movement, teasing you with its intensity.
You close your eyes, waiting for the sharpness to subside, the heat gradually fading into a dull throb. The tension in your body tightens, but you force yourself to relax, to let the stinging tone down. It’s a slow burn, a lingering reminder of just how real everything feels right now it was an incredibly welcome feeling. You could feel yourself clenching down around him, his fingers circling your clit only adding to the feeling building in your stomach.
“Chris- Chris, move.” You whispered out, voice hoarse as you grasped at his shoulders, desperate for him to move. He snickered at your pleading tone, slowly pulling himself out before pushing back in, slowly and deeply fucking you as he whispered words of praise into the crook of your neck, pressing kisses against your damp skin whenever he couldn’t help but moan at the feeling of your warmth surrounding him.
You could hear your wetness coating his cock with each thrust of his hips, his fingers slick against your clit. The room was filled with the sound of skin meeting skin, broken-off moans, and whispered words. Your thighs tightened against him as he adjusted himself, lifting himself a bit, unknowingly brushing against a spot within you that you’d never known existed - one that pulled a drawn-out moan from your chest.
Your mind goes momentarily blank, a fog settling over your thoughts as his hand flattens against your stomach, feeling the bulge of his cock. warm and grounding. The touch sends a ripple of heat through your body, and for a second, it feels as though time slows. Every nerve in your body seems to focus on the gentle pressure of his palm against your skin, pulling your attention to the way it feels—so intimate, so right. Your pulse quickens, your breath hitching as you struggle to gather your thoughts, but the weight of his hand keeps you rooted.
“Do you feel that, sweet girl?” His voice is low, the words curling around your senses, sending a shiver down your spine. It’s not just the question—it’s the way he says it, with that mixture of tenderness and something far deeper, far more possessive. His touch lingers, as if savoring the moment, and your body reacts before you can think. The fog in your mind grows thicker, swept away by the overwhelming sensation of him so close, so present.
“Yeah?” He asked through a smirk, hand moving down to cup your hip as he pushed back into you, hitting that very same spot. You could hardly think, let alone breathe as he fucked himself into you, fingers working at your clit as he angled himself to hit that spot over, and over. “Taking me so good, doll.” He grunted out, grip tightening on your hip as he picked up his pace.
Your hand shot down to his wrist as he continued toying with your clit, eyes fluttering shut as you felt your orgasm building to its peak in your lower stomach, the feeling causing you to rock your hips in tandem with his thrusts. The look on your face was enough to make him groan, his hand moving from your hip to your jaw as he tilted your face to look at him.
“Look at me when you cum on my cock, baby.” He murmured, voice soft yet authoritative as he slammed into you. As soon as you opened your eyes he moved his hand, pressing it against your lower stomach as he continued fucking himself into you. It felt as though he were pushing you down onto him, that spot that nearly blinded you with pleasure constantly being rutted against by his cock.
All you could muster was a weak, “F-fuck,” as you came undone, back arching off the bed as you whined out his name. He didn’t stop, stifling a groan at the way you writhed beneath him as he felt his orgasm building. Once you started swatting at his fingers that still circled your clit he moved his hand, choosing to grab the other side of your hip, effectively propping you up against him as he fucked you.
The pace was near brutal, moans forced from your body as your breasts bounced with each thrust. You couldn’t focus, still reeling from your last orgasm as he continued fucking you into oversensitivity-fueled bliss. You could feel his thumbs pressing into your hipbones, short curses slipping past his lips.
“Gonna cum, baby.” He grunted, pulling out of you a second later, spilling his cum across your lower stomach. His chest heaved, cheeks flushed red as he pumped himself through his orgasm. You could only watch in a haze of your own, still catching your breath as he looked up at you, that familiar crooked smile taking over his features as he moved on top of you once more.
“Did so good, doll. Real good.” He murmured against your cheek, pressing a kiss to your skin between each sentence. “You feel alright? Need me to get you something?” He asked after a moment, a hint of concern evident in his tone that made you smile as you shook your head.
“It felt perfect, Chris. I’m alright.” You whispered back, turning over onto your side to face him, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek, leaning up after to press a kiss to his waiting lips. “Perfect.”
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Dividers by @bernardsbendystraws
A/N: Thank you for reading if you made it this far, or even if you just skimmed it over - either way I appreciate the interactions! I tried to make this accurate or at least how I envision virginity loss for Chris but feel free to correct me! I am very open to constructive criticism. I'm flopping very bad so I don't expect much interactions:))
taglist: @swagalicious260@watercolorskyy@coquettechris@lovesturni0l0s@christmastreecake@ellbowmacaroni@blog-luvdance@sophand4n4@meg4-matt44
NOT PROOFREAD!
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klilyr · 1 day ago
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Jegulus raising Harry microfic: 640 words
“Um… dad?”
Regulus looked up from his paper to see a very nervous looking Harry fidgeting with his pajama sleeves, looking down at his slippers. He glanced over to James who was magically washing up their breakfast dishes.
“Which one of us are you talking to there, Haz?”
“Both. Or, uh, either, I guess…” Harry mumbled, still not meeting his eye.
Regulus was struck with how much the boy had grown over the past year. He would be heading back to Hogwarts in a few days, the Christmas break was rapidly coming to an end, and Regulus could hardly believe how fast the time had flown. He was dreading Harry’s upcoming departure, if he was being honest with himself, he loved having him home so much.
He would be fifteen before they both knew it.
James set the last of the plates back in the cupboard and came to sit beside Regulus, both looking at Harry with curiosity, wondering what it is that has him so nervous.
“We’re all ears, hamster,” James said, warmly.
“I think…” Harry started but trailed off quickly, his cheeks burning red and the two men exchanged another glance with each other, anxiety spiking.
“IthinkIlikeaboy,” Harry blurted out, so quickly, that it took a second for the actual words to register in Regulus’ brain.
“You think you like a boy?” James clarified, a smirk appearing on his handsome face.
“Yes.”
“Which boy?” Regulus asked, “Ron?”
“Merlin no! I mean, yes, obviously I like Ron, but not like that!” The shock of the question had, finally, made Harry raise his head to look at his dads in disbelief.
“Dean? Neville? Seamus?” James started listing off names, face twisted in thought and Regulus laughed. It was just like James to immediately name every single boy he could think of until he hit the right one.
“No! It’s none of them! It doesn’t matter who it is, I just wanted you to know,” Harry said exasperatedly, face still a deep shade of crimson.
“Thank you for telling us, mon cheri, we love you and we will be here if you have any questions, at any time,” Regulus said, pointedly looking at James.
“Cedric Diggory!” James yelled, triumphantly, “I knew he was distracting you during that Quidditch match we came to see! You can’t let cute boys take your mind off the game, kid.”
“Oh like you’re one to talk,” Regulus muttered under his breath, which earned him a playful slap to his shoulder.
“It’s not my fault you know how to handle a broom so well,” James muttered back which caused the teenager in front of them to groan loudly.
“It’s not Cedric! Merlin!” Harry’s head fell into his hands, “It’sdracomalfoy.”
“Dra… did I hear you right?” James gaped at his son before turning to Regulus, “did he just say Draco Malfoy?”
Regulus couldn’t respond, he was biting the inside of his cheek trying not to laugh and embarrass their son any further.
“Yes. I know he’s mean but I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s smart and he’s really good at flying and even when he calls me names, my heart starts beating really fast and he has lovely hair and when he’s thinking in class, he gets this little frown line between his eyebrows and…” Harry trails off again, very aware he’s just said too much, “anyway… I just thought you should know. Okay, I’m going to go over to Ron’s now.”
Harry rushed out of the room before either man could say anything and James turned to Regulus in disbelief.
“Draco Malfoy?” James stammered, horror painting his face, “that little ferret is horrible to him!”
Regulus just turned back to his paper, lifting it high enough to cover his grin.
“Ah Jamie, it seems history really does repeat itself, hmm?”
(written for @shoopsthereitis as part of a Xmas ss exchange. I adore you sar, I'm so pleased to be your friend xxx)
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ghostmoon1 · 3 days ago
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You know what, to start the year off, Imma make this lil appreciation post.
Now it's only been like, less than a year since I joined Tumblr about, I've been writing and drawing for years before this point, but the community here, especially the CoD community which I am mainly apart of just made me feel amazing. Everyone I've met here are some of the nicest people.
I have gotten my old hobbies back, giving me reason to write and draw again which have majorly helped with my own mental health, and now I just wanted to give the amazing people a shout out to start the year off, to hopefully make peoples days, and to just let them know that I appreciate yall!
In no specific order :3 and if you don't wanna be pinged again by me, please let me know and I won't!! No harm done, I hope this is okay :) and this is prob gonna be cringe or smt.. all sappy but like.Yeah here yall are lmao-
Putting them under the cut as there are a few :3
@gomzdrawfr - You've been a massive influence since I joined the CoD community, I adored your art from the very start, and your just such a sweet and kind person, one that I'm so thankful to have met, and so proud to be able to call you my friend. You're the first proper friend I've made here, and I can't tell you how much our talks make me smile every single time. And I'm also so thankful for the community you have sorta helped me get into, you've helped me feel comfortable interacting with more people here :3
@shadeops21 - You were honestly the person that got me to join Tumblr! I was looking for something to try and make my own Konig cosplay (that's been given up on bc motivation and Tik Tok just. yeahhh) and I found you, and all your amazing work! I basically made my account to see if you'd make any more, cause I just love what you do so much, it's got to be so helpful for so many people!!
@sleepyconfusedpotato - After Shadeops, you were the very second person I found here! And oh my gosh how much I obsessed (and still do) over your art, especially Jade. You inspired me to write my first ever fic on here, actually, where I made my first CoD oc ship with Soap, your art and what you do honestly helped me feel comfortable making something like that for myself, cause some of the toxic people on Tik Tok made me uneasy and unsure about that lol- And now, I finally have an OC I'm working in depth on, and you're my biggest reason to thank for that.
@soaps-mohawk - Your writing has inspired me so much, and I couldn't thank you enough for making your wonderful fic. I may not be like, a OG, but I've been there since around chapter 20 I think? I could be wrong, but half way through sorta. You are the biggest reason I started writing again here, you just create masterpieces. And this is the first time I've ever been hooked into a fic so much, and what got me into liking the Omegaverse (you hooked me and I can't let go of it now...) Thank you for taking your time with your writing, and thank you for all the inspiration you have given me.
@on-a-lucky-tide - Oh my gosh how much you have yanked me into the Nikprice community. I adore every single one of your writing pieces, and honestly, you are another who has helped inspire me to write more. All your writing is so filled with emotion and love, I want to be able to do that as well. Your a wonderful person, I've seen you interact with this community and everyone, and I just adore you as a person and all the hard work you put time and effort into creating.
@rainyrambles-overcod - I adore your oc's and rambles so much!! And I couldn't tell you how happy it makes me to have a friend that is okay with the tag games, I never know who to tag for those sorta things, but I actually feel okay tagging you and they are so fun and always brighten my mood :3 Keep creating, I can't wait to see what else you come up with. Thank you for all the tag games and fun!!
@nekrosmos - Yet another that has helped drag me into the Nikprice community or cult ig that too. Your art is absolutely amazing, I truly want to be able to draw like you do. Just everything about your art has me in awe, the emotion, the style, the love everything. Seeing your art brings me so much happiness! Oh and your writing is BEAUTIFUL. That also brings me joy to take a little time out of my day to sit and read the time and effort you put into everything, and how kind of a person you are. I always hope you'll keep creating, and always remember how much joy you bring both myself and others.
@daredaredoodles - I know we don't interact a whole lot, but you honestly mean a lot to me still. You were my first ever mutual on this site, and I will be forever grateful for this. Personally its anxiety that stops me from barging into peoples Dm's and talking, but yeah. Thank you for that, even if it is only a small thing.
@cricricorner - you were my first follower, and I still see you in my notifications from time to time, which always brings me joy! It's wonderful to see your followers still interact with your content, and I couldn't say how grateful I am. I couldn't tell you how happy I was to gain my first follower here, so thank you for taking your time to read my writing and see my art.
@daydreamsareallineed - You were pretty much the first person to show so much interest in my main fic!! And oh my gosh I couldn't ever tell you how much joy it brought me to read your comments, to have someone so interested in my writing, that personally I didn't even think was that good. I haven't given up completely on the fic dw, I'll hopefully update it soon! Motivation just go brrr. Thank you so much for all your support, it means the world to me.
And another shoutout to everyone who supports me, who follows me, and to every single one of you that like and reblog my content. I look through every single note I receive, I assure you none of you are left out.
And my final shoutout to everyone that creates on this site. The community here is like nothing I've ever experienced before. I adore scrolling through everyone's art, it all makes my day. I've never felt so comfortable and unjudged before. Thank you to everyone who contributes to this, you all make my day <3
This turned out a lot longer than I meant it to be- but I just wanted to share how I felt with this new year. I'm sorry if you'd rather not be pinged-
But have a lovely day :3 I love you all!!
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dreamingofep · 3 days ago
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Hi!! I was wondering if I could put in a request of an Elvis x reader imagine, where elvis meets the reader at a diner and she recognizes him (because reader loves his songs), and it goes further, and the next day he goes back to the diner to ask her out on a date and she accepts and it's just really cute and wholesome? Sorry if it's a lot but thank you!
Hi Anon!!! This is the sweetest idea! I just had to write this tonight! Hope you enjoy this cuteness!!
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Elvis x reader
Word count: 1.1k
Tw: Elvis being so damn cute
April 1960
It was a dreary Friday evening. Rain was trickling on the window of this old diner. It’s been here longer than your grandmother had been alive but it was a Memphis staple. Everyone knew about it and it was the best spot in town.
You sat in the back booth waiting patiently. You had a date tonight but he was late. Extremely late. Three hours late to be exact. You were getting ticked off and the cup of tea that you were sipping on was disgustingly cold. You hated that you sat here so long hoping and praying this boy would show up. Your girlfriend set you up on this date and you had high hopes it would go well. She spoke so highly of him and said he was ‘perfect for you.’
You didn’t have an appetite and knew you needed to give up this booth sooner rather than later for someone else to have. Your waitress was gracious and didn’t make you feel bad for sitting all alone. You were sure she picked up on the vibe that you were waiting for a date. You picked a pretty yellow dress to wear and everything with little white lace gloves to complete the look.
Now you just felt like an idiot looking like this waiting for him to waltz in like a knight in shining armor. You dig through your purse and try to find so cash to leave your waitress.
“Hello darlin’,” a deep southern voice says next to you.
Your head quickly turns to see who this man is and you instantly freeze.
Oh my god. It was Elvis Presley.
You hold your breath as you look at him. God he was more beautiful in person and those eyes were electric. You didn’t know someone could have such captivating eyes. His hair was slicked back and yet still fluffy. You couldn’t form any words as you continued to look at him.
He was somehow better looking in person which blew your mind. You knew every single song of his and now that he’s back from the Army, you were so excited for what he would come out with next.
“Hi, I’m Elvis,” he says reaching out his hand for yours.
You nod your head slowly, “I know- I mean… it’s nice to meet you, Elvis,” you say embarrassed, feeling your cheeky turn red. “I’m a big fan of yours.”
“It’s nice to meet you too. What’s a pretty thing like yourself sitting here all alone?” He asks, taking your hand and kissing the back of it.
You felt like passing out. There was no way this was happening. What turned out to be a horrible date just turned into something amazing. You’re talking to Elvis Presley. You could think of a dozen girls who would die to be in your position.
“Oh well I was waiting for a friend but it doesn’t look like they’re able to make it.”
You can tell he sees right through your lie. He takes a seat across from you and doesn’t let go of your hand.
“I’m sorry about that darlin’, they’re an idiot for not showing up. How do you like my booth though?”
You shoot him a confused look, not sure what he means.
“Your booth?”
“Yeah, I sit here every Friday night for a quick snack before we head off to the movies,” he explains.
You feel bad for taking so much of his time and let go of his hand.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll get out of your hair,” you say sliding out of the booth.
His hand stops you again though, lightly squeezing it.
“Oh no you don’t have to go, I didn’t mean anything by that.” He says a bit flustered.
You would love to stay longer, you’ve dreamed about a moment like this with Elvis but you don’t want to overstay your welcome.
“I better go, Elvis, it’s getting late. It was so nice to meet you. Thank you for letting me sit in your booth,” you say cheekily.
You quickly leave out the back door and feel so embarrassed. You hoped he wasn’t too upset about you being there. This whole night was just a whirlwind and you were looking forward to laying down.
You’re halfway down the block when you hear a voice behind you calling out for you.
“Darlin’ wait!” Elvis yells after you.
You turn around to face him, surprised to see him running after you.
“Yes?” You ask shyly.
“Uhh.. your date came back and is really sorry for making you wait. He would like you to come back tomorrow night, same time.” He explains.
You were honestly surprised by the admission. You got a bit of excited butterflies in your stomach thinking about it. Maybe it wasn’t a complete disaster after all.
“Oh, thank you for telling me Elvis. It was so lovely to meet you,” you say sweetly. You wanted to hug him or kiss him on the cheek for being so sweet to you but you didn’t want to cross those boundaries. You turn away from him, wishing you’d have more courage to do just that.
“I never got your name darlin’,” he says quietly.
“Y/n, good night Elvis.”
*
The next evening, you get ready and put on another cute blue dress with matching gloves. You were excited for this date. You’d try not to dwell on him making you wait so long yesterday but you’d give him a chance.
You open the diner doors and look around and see Elvis in the back booth, looking better tonight than the last. He stands up when he sees you standing there. He has a smile on his face and you walk toward him.
You feel giddy and love struck, not expecting to see Elvis twice in two days.
“Hi Elvis, what are you doing here?” You say in a giddy fashion.
His face lights up when he hears how excited you were to see him.
“I just had to see you again darlin’. You were the most gorgeous girl I have ever laid my eyes on. I was hopin’ you’d have a date with me tonight,” he says bashfully.
Your cheeks feel on fire and you can’t help the huge smile that spreads across your face.
“I would love nothing more,” you tell him. He pulls you into his arms for a hug when he hears your response and kisses your cheek.
“Oh you just made my whole night. Please sit down,” he says leading you to the booth.
“And after we were going to watch movies at the theater, I’d love it if you came too. I’d love to share with you some of my favorite movies,” he says cutely. He had this boyish wonder to him and you couldn’t help but fall for it.
You can hear how excited he was to have you here with him and hoped this night would never end.
“I’d love that Elvis, I couldn’t imagine a better night.”
*
*
*
Tagging:
@loving-elvis @neptuneismysister@velvetelvis @ccab @theresalwaysep
@sillybookmarks @dkayfixates
@ellie-24 @rktismylife-blog.
@myradiaz @tacozebra051
@18lkpeters @flwrs4aust @emma181873
@austinswhitewolf@eliseinmemphis
@everythingelvispresley@chasingwildflowers @idontwanttoputanything. @ohjustpeachy-
@elvisalltheway101 @austinsmutler @kingdomforapony.
@generoustreemystic @claire-elvisgirl
@ashtag6887 @burnthheparaphilia @richardslady121
@jaqueline19997
@returntopresley. @iloveelvis @rimartin11@that-hotdog @louisejoy86 @misspresley@cattcb@annapresley8
@arrolyn1114 @raginginkedslut @epthedream69
@mh777ep1938
@50sexyshadestashionista
@oldhOllywOod @hooked-on-elvis @livelovedilfs
@sloppiest-of-jos@thisis-theway @gatheraheart
@aphroditebabygirl @faeolwen
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4chensungs · 3 hours ago
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don’t kiss and tell
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brothers best friend!jisung x fem. reader
after the incident of your brother finding out you hooked up with one of his friends, you promised to yourself to never look out for him anymore. but who says he’ll give up on you that easily?
wc. 2.8k
warnings. smut (mdni), jisung is down bad, body worship like crazy in here, tit sucking, fingering, ass slapping, unprotected sex
part 1 for context here <3
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IT HAS BEEN one whole month since you last talked to jisung. one month since you saw him probably for the last time in a hot minute.
the last few weeks have been extremely unusual; you keep questioning yourself how was he doing, if he's even ever going to appear at your house again to hang out with you brother, like he always did. he's probably not.
and fuck jaemin, fuck him for screwing your bond with him. it's useless, pure jealousy and he's so stupid!, stupid for being this mad with one if his best friends of years, simply because he thinks you're still a child.
on the other hand, jisung is being not so subtle in the way he still wants you. he keeps liking the pics you post on your instagram stories, sometimes even replying to them. and it's the sad fact you're not giving him a single reply.
his mind wanders to the thought of you being already completely over him, wanting to distance yourself fully right now, thanks to your brother.
but your heart knows that's not what you want, and it keeps giving you a warning that the next time that you see him, these feelings will come back stronger than ever.
you miss him. so bad, thinking about him makes you sick.
you're laying in bed, scrolling quietly through your phone when the damn notification appears. why does he keep trying? you sigh out loud.
the__and.y liked your stories.
you ran your hands through your hair, turning off your phone to stare at the ceiling to collect your breath. you can't, your brother is still furious with both of you.
jisung ♡: why do u keep ignoring me in every existing social media
is he really going to do this? at this late at night?
jisung ♡: i miss you
you kept reading his messages and not replying. you didn't contact him for a month.
maybe, just maybe, things may have gotten lighter with jaemin. perhaps he's not really remembering this whole thing, yeah?
you: i'm sorry jisung
you: idk if this is right i really don't know
you: im confused
you turn off your phone again while waiting for his reply. let's give it a try.
jisung ♡: why wouldn't it be right
jisung ♡: jaemin can't control your life, you can do whatever you want
hm.
you: i felt bad that day and he's still so mad with you
you: idc if he's mad with me, he's my brother at the end of the day
you: i worry about you and how hes fucked up your friendship
jisung ♡: baby you know what's fucked up
jisung ♡: you trying to convince yourself that you don't want this because of him
jisung ♡: say to my face that you don't want it
you want this so fucking bad. to be in his arms again, and the thrill of being with him behind closed doors. god, that's all you want in every way.
you: ji
you: i want to see you
jisung ♡: that's right
jisung ♡: i've waited for this princess
jisung ♡: waited so long
you: i need you
you: i don't care anymore
you really don't give a fuck - your brother can hold his protectiveness instinct for himself, he actually can. you can't control what your heart aims for.
and it screams for park jisung.
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"you can't ignore him forever, you know that?"
"who says I'm ignoring him? I texted him yesterday saying he should come this weekend." jaemin huffed, acting oblivious to the fact that the only reason why he invited jisung over was because of the boys' annual end of year party.
chenle deadpans at him with his stare, letting out a chuckle, "if you didn't invite him I would've done it myself." he paused, turning his head to look at the man, "that would be bullshit."
bullshit. jaemin swore he almost threw chenle out of the car in the harshest way possible - clicking his tongue in pure annoyance, "yeah, it was just fine when he fucked my sister behind my back."
"i'm pretty sure they did not fuck."
if you didn't then why were you both half naked. in his car. at your backyard?
"i'm telling you, I saw it. she was literally on top of him and she was fucking moaning his name, chenle. that's fucking wrong." your brother spat while still not looking at his friend - eyes focused on the road.
chenle keeps going, "cut this off, jaem. you can't see her as a baby anymore. let her live."
jisung is indeed coming to your house again - sooner than you thought. but it did take some days for you to find out, tho. you brother wasn't the one who told you.
in the same day, the last messages jisung sent you before you went to sleep.
jisung ♡: dress up prettily for me tomorrow
jisung ♡: will you?
you: what??
you: you're coming???
jisung ♡: jaemin told me to go and yeah i didn't expect it as well
jisung ♡: dreaming of you again
jisung ♡: kissing your sweet lips holding you so close to me
jisung ♡: it'll be all mine princess
you: go to sleep ji
you: silly
jisung ♡: i'll show you what's silly tomorrow
the sound of the boys laughing and loud pitching talking in the living room did quite mess with your head, anticipating the moment when he comes. it's crazy how you got so dolled up for him only, he's the reason why you're even going out of your room this night.
if it wasn't for jisung, you'd probably just greet the guys and come back to your own quiet place, drowning in your thoughts, alone. just like you always used to do before he appeared in your life.
a knock was heard on your door just right after you finished your makeup. unexpectedly, you meet a very tipsy jaemin.
"what the fuck is this outfit?" he spats, crossing his arms in front of his chest - his body unbalanced. for a split second, you closed your eyes and thanked all the existing Gods under your breath. he's drunk.
you smiled, "felt pretty today. you smell like beer, don't talk to me."
"hey, hey, hey." he grabbed your arm before you could close the door and kick him out, "come say hello to my friends. don't be rude."
you fixed your hair and outfit and went to the living room, being find with chenle, jeno and donghyuck's figures sat around the big table, nestled with all the different kinds of drinks and alcohol.
your breath hitched when jisung was nowhere to be found.
after greeting the guys, you decided to wait in your room - not sure on how, or when will jisung get there and you'll finally get to release all of your wants. show him how much you miss him and vice versa.
not much time had passed before another knock was heard on your door. you were sprawled on bed, dim lighting decorating the ambient.
"come in."
you said that because you thought it was your brother. jisung carefully opened the door, eyes peeking first to check on you.
that scene truly felt like a movie. you slowly got up, a smile starting to pop up in your lips as you walked to him.
your voice trembling, "hi, ji."
you opened the door fully for him to enter your space, he wasted no time to step in and pull you into a hug.
a mess was happening in your head, so ridiculously dizzy from him - the masculine smell of his cologne filling your nostrils, his hands holding your body flush to him while yours gripped his black t shirt, so simple and casual but yet made him look so attractive.
or maybe that’s just because you miss him a lot.
jisung leaned away from your embrace, gently taking your hair out of your face while holding eye contact - hands flew to your hips.
"you look gorgeous. more than ever."
your arms secured their hold around his neck, feeling your cheeks burning red from his words, "just for you." you announced.
he nodded, "all for me."
you both smiled like two idiots in love as he leaned down to kiss you, mouths melting so sweet at first - tongues brushing here and there, hums being heard throughout the kiss, "so pretty in this dress." he mumbles in between.
his back hits the door as he closes it, left hand leaving your hips for a mere second just to lock it.  making absolute sure that no one will be able to interrupt.
jisung grabs a hold of your thighs to help you walk further into your room, so familiar to him.
all the times you've sneaked out, when jisung slept by and left jaemin's room in the middle of the night when he was in a deep sleep. all behind his back with so much carefulness.
when he lays you down he's quick to trail his wet kisses down to your neck, firm hands caressing your whole body, going up and down in motions.
you arch into him, playing with his black hair strands as his face rests on your chest, meanwhile his lips keeps smooching your hot skin.
you sigh in contentment, knees pressing together - trying to give him a sign that you're needy, so painfully needy for him.
"jisung i want- mhhm" your words get cut off by your own whine when his hand grabs the top of your dress to pull it down, hanging it just below your bra.
"don't want to take your dress off.. youre looking too beautiful like this." his deep voice quietly said.
you smile at his sweet comment, holding back all your whines combined with the feeling of his fingers messing with the lace of your white bra, throwing your head back with no shame when he pulls the fabric down to expose your breasts, still not taking it off your body.
"so pretty, princess. i could admire you all day."
cool air is fast to hit but it's soon replaced by jisung's hot mouth, circling your breast with his tongue, hand massaging the other while his mouth does wonders on your soft flesh.
when he reaches for your nipple you whine even louder, his saliva pooling and soaking your whole breast when he sucks it into his warm hot mouth, humming nonstop.
"you're crazy ji-jisung."
"should i stop?" he teases, leaning his mouth away from your nipple and replacing it with his finger, rubbing it.
"no for fucks sake.. but I'm trying so hard to keep quiet." your voice trembled slightly.
jisung looks at you then laughs, “they’re so wasted right now, no one’s conscious in that room, love.”
you pout at him, he softly traces your bottom lip with his thumb before kissing you again, “I promise you, it’s okay. but I need you to tell me it’s okay with you.”
his soft and caring voice did turn you on even more, it shouldn’t, but it made you wetter. eyes holding so much love and appreciation looking at yours - “I want this. I want you, ji.”
jisung smiles one more time, giving you a nod and resumed his work, mumbling a deep “fuck” under his breath when he tested the waters, hand went under your dress to feel your core.
he pulled the ends of your dress up to your stomach, your thighs ridiculously pressed together. you should be ashamed of how wet you were, but you’re not, not even a single bit.
he gives your thighs a caress, “let me spread them, hm?”
your breath hitches when he brings your knees to your chest, spreading you all open and full for him. jisung mentally coos at the scene in front of him.
just like your bra, white lace panties with a wet dark patch decorated in the middle, like a gift for him. it drove him crazy.
“did you miss me that much, princess?” you can only moan as response when he touches the wet patch with his finger before pulling the lace to the side, holding it in place with one finger, while his middle finger travels up and down your cunt.
wet, so fucking wet, “fuck. love, i might cum just by looking at this.” he cursed and cursed again, eyes wide open and looking straight at your puffy displayed cunt, so wet just for him. he knew that and so did you.
“oh fuck baby i can’t-“ jisung’s fingers spread you open to admire you better - in love, genuinely in love with how your pretty pussy shines for him, glistening and begging to suck him in.
he leans down fast enough to give your clit a quick kiss, “can’t stop thinking about how beautiful she is.” still caressing your core.
you moan his name desperately at his nasty but sweet comment, tons of whines and “jisung” ‘s leaving your mouth.
“ji please. want your fingers.” you manage to say.
“of course, gotta prep my beautiful girl.” he smiles, an expert finger circling your clit before diving down into your entrance. covered with slick, your cunt invites him just as soon.
experienced fingers pumping in and out continuously, you whine with your eyes closed at the sound of wetness.
jisung’s in complete awe, stoping his staring at your hole to kiss your face, first at the corner of your mouth, then at your lips, shutting your whines off.
“you’re perfect.” he leans away to say.
nothing’s more perfect in this world than the sensation of his long and thick fingers inside you, scissoring you and reaching the deepest and most sensitive spots ever. you’ll say that to him later.
you try to smile but you soon harshly bite your lip when he curled his two fingers inside, you yelped, “jisung! oh my god-“
he kisses you again, and again, until he’s satisfied and thinks you’re ready to take him. jisung’s fingers leave you empty, and you let out a cry - his eyes make their way to between your legs to see how you’re pulsating.
“never seen my princess this wet..” deep cocky voice says.
you reach out to take off your dress, “i’ve missed you.”
when your dress was discarded to the floor, he was quick to unbutton his jeans as they went to the same destination of your clothes.
you could see his erection through his boxers, and as much as you want to such him off right now, you’re needing him inside. now.
your panties were about to be discarded before jisung grabbed your hand and shook his head, “want them on, baby. s’ pretty. keep the bra too.”
knowing how he likes it with you, you turned around and pinned your front to the bed, arching your back and your ass in the air.
“fuck, just like that.” he pumps his cock at first, cooing you while you wait for him.
jisung’s hands flew to your back to arch it even more, then to hold your hips. he rubs the head of his dick on your entrance, how your pussy almost sucks him in just from the rubbing.
when he enters you, you let out a little too loud moan. hands clutching the sheets and tears filling your eyes.
he’s completely focused on how you keep clenching around him - the amusing view of your cunt sucking him all the way in, then out again.
your hips were pressed to his shaft, feeling him so fucking deep into your womb.
jisung coos again, “you don’t know how I’ve been dying for this.” he slaps your ass.
“jisung! jisung fuck, jisung.” you whine like a baby, lost in the pleasure. ass stinging from his big hand slap and cunt begging to be filled until you get sore.
“my love.” another slap, “fucking made just for me.”
his cock is so big and it leaves you like a babbling mess, so big that it almost hurts from how good it is, hits you in all places.
you both were getting closer, his thrusts started to get sloppier and messier, slower as he pulled away to release at your back.
your own release dripped down your pussy and thighs, while his hot cum painted your back down to your ass cheeks. what a scene.
“want them all to see this mess.. jaemin needs to see how you’re good to me.“ he admires the sight of your cunt clenching and unclenching around absolutely nothing but the air, “can’t believe you’re mine and no one can ever change that.”
you tiredly laid back on your back again, trying to fix your hair. jisung’s sweaty body joined you after tossing the dirty sheets aside, he breathes heavy, but still with that cute smile on his lips.
“do you think they heard something?.” you look up at him, voice low.
jisung thinks for a second, furrowing his brows, “i honestly don’t think so, baby. but you need to change these sheets..”
“of course i will, ji.” you laughed fondly. there’s still some questions hanging in the air, with what face will he come back to the boys?
“and if they ask you where were you this whole time and what were you doing…?”
“then i’ll just say that i was fucking the prettiest girl in the family and i don’t regret it.”
© 4chensungs
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dreamingofawhiteswan · 2 days ago
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Yandere Boombox x Reader who resists and exposes
WARNING: Yandere themes, violence and murder, stalking mention, gaslighting.
Notes: This was fun to write. I hope I have characterised him well.
You are going to take that stupid visor off his face and beat him to death with it. Honestly, you will.
Every single time he comes into view, this unescapable hatred fills your very soul. That smile and little hearts showing up on the screen make you want to pummel it into pieces.
He slings his arm around your shoulder, artificially winking at you. "Hey! Glad you could make it." He threatens you. "Wouldn't be complete without my sweetie!" You wish he would choke in those words.
Had you not been blind, you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. You've made countless requests to stop dating, to make Boombox not refer to you as if things were normal, but he just keeps doing it. Any attempts to correct him are laughed off, his relaxed demeanor almost like a drug that prevents others from thinking properly.
You remember when this vile hatred began to flood your systems.
It was a day you spent with another one of your friends, one-on-one. You'd lived a normal life up until then, but a hand shot out from the alley you were walking by. It grabbed him, practically at the throat.
You rushed into the alley, trying to find your friend. But then you heard an ugly snap. You didn't know what it was, but it made your blood turn to ice. Your entire body, inside and outside, went rigid.
And then, you made eye contact with him. He was still wearing that visor, even though nothing showed on the screen. He dropped your friend on the ground, revealing through the gap between his feet that your friend's neck had been twisted into an impossible angle.
And he turns his body to you. You recognise who it is immediately.
Neither of you speak a word. Your tongue has gone dry, the way his neck looked imprinting itself into your mind, as if it was your own corpse you had seen. The creak in your bones almost audible.
And your blood which had frozen began to defrost. In fact, you could hear it begin to boil.
You ran towards him, the one you had once called a friend and lover, and slammed your fist right into his face. A crack, almost identical to the one you had heard, screamed through the air. And the vile beast fell down.
You stared at the body, unsure what to do. You feel your legs moving in an unknown direction, only for the rest of you to move along with it. You close your eyes, feeling cool air brush past you as each step reverberates through you. And then you open your eyes as you feel your hand touch the cold of a door handle.
Ever since that day, you loathed Boombox.
He showed up at your door the next day, not even a bruise on where you had punched him. "Bad vibes" he claimed, stating his visit was just from a horrendous gut feeling that something went wrong. You glare at him, standing up and screaming at him to cut the act out.
He acted terrified, that visor lighting up with a panicked expression. You're certain that if you saw through it, it would expose his inner glee. He acts, speaking as if he's done no wrong.
Eventually, he spares you by leaving, keeping that perfectly pitiful expression on his face. You almost slammed the door on his back, only stopping yourself out of fear of bothering the neighbours.
And now, back in the present, he's been putting up his little picture perfect front. All snuggles and love and it makes you want to vomit. But you hold back, only stating a small "Don't call me that...".
Boombox laughs off your comment, pushing himself closer as the song from his gear floods your ears. It's always on, and you've tuned it out in your hatred.
It doesn't matter what this conversation is about. It doesn't matter who you're with, or what he's talking about. You need to get out of here. His grip grows tighter as he nuzzles you, and you can feel pinpricks wherever he touches you.
Suddenly, a voice, your saviour, directly addresses you. It's a simple question, just a check-up. You don't even recognise who it is, but you shove Boombox away, grab their hand, and drag them off.
Perhaps, in their shock, they didn't resist you as you two enter an alleyway. Looking back at the person and seeing one of the Skateboards, they absolutely could have thrown off your grip.
This one, Greenboard, starts with a "Hey! What gives?". If they noticed, that means they'll believe you. They aren't being controlled by that stupid song or whatever, you can finally throw up all the things you've had brewing inside you, and they'll listen because they know it's true.
All of it. The murders that he always makes sure you witness, the constant staring from the strangest locations, the incessant knocking at your door, the way he stares you in the eye as he puts something into his gifts...
...And the duality. How in front if everyone, he acts as he always has. Any bruise you inflict vanishes when he wants them to. The way he visits you, acting all concerned and normal.
"Well gee, certainly sounds like you got a bad case of the stalks..." They begin. It's almost funny. It would be funny if they didn't follow it up with "But are you sure they're the same guy? I mean, there's gotta be more than one Boombox, it's not impossible to think that one's a bad apple..."
They don't understand. They don't understand. You've been going through hell and they don't understand. They heard all you said and they don't understand. You want to ask them why, scream at them why, until the voice you dread comes by.
"Sugar? Greenboard? You two okay?"
Your eyes darken as Greenboard's lighten up. "Oh, BB! Good timing, I think your hunny boo's got a stalker."
"Wait, seriously?!" Boombox exclaims, as if this stalker and him were not one in the same. "That's... Horrible!"
"Yeah, yeah! What's even worse, it seems another Boombox is doing it." Greenboard pats you on the back, pushing you towards your tormentor. "Go on! Just say what you said to me, and we can sort this right out!"
"Greenboard, have some tact." Boombox interrupts before you can spit out your truth. His visor closes in an annoyed expression, everything forcefully unreadable, "They're probably shaken up from saying everything."
Boombox's visor turns into his thinking animation, one you know he doesn't need to use. "I have an idea. If what you say about a stalker is true, then why don't you live with me for a while?"
You start protesting. You deny that offer, as harshly as you can. All you want is for him to drop the act and admit it's him, but your outburst only puts Greenboard more on edge. Sure, Boombox changes to a shocked expression, but you both know it's a lie.
"Oh Swords, this is worse than I thought..." Boombox begins. Those lips of his prepare to seal the deal, to doom you to listening. "I think I really should keep you safe..."
You turn to Greenboard. You beg with your eyes that they don't let you go with this monster, that they see the obvious lies he spouts, that the gaze behind the visor is one of pure joy, but to your horror...
... All Greenboard replies is "Yeah, who better than you? You're their boyfriend."
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angelmush · 6 months ago
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the other day i walked around the golden lake w my love and the sun was setting hot and orange and we watched a brown duck preening through the weeds, ducking her head under the dark water. the cool lake swallowed up my tired feet to the ankles and we counted the dog walkers with their curly panting doodles and their handsome german shepherds and their whip smart little terriers and we admired the careful construction of a sand castle whose moat held determinedly against the lapping of the waves. we could feel in our chests the persistent thunderous thumping of celebratory music at the finish line of the lakeside 5k, welcoming each gasping runner across its bounds. and i felt like crying. i felt like curling into myself and crying. we walked through the swamp of the bird sanctuary afterwards and listened to the woods sing and croak and groan and then we went and got ube and yuzu gelato and devoured it suntired and sweating on the couch in our living room. and i was so overcome w a deep and true unshakeable happiness and a sort of confused grief that i wanted to sob and sob and sob.
#i am so happy for the first time in my entire life#a consistent and true joyfulness#i am in love w my life#i want to stick around to see it#and i mean that w my entire being for the first time in my whole life#and to say that means confronting the first 24 years of my life where that wasn’t true#where i was miserable and heartbroken and unkind and dishonest and cruel#and i didn’t want to be alive#even when i was doing well i still didn’t want to be alive#for 24 years.#i had no fucking idea being alive could be so easy. i had no idea.#i want to hold myself and tell them i want to wrap myself up and say it will be BETTER#it will be so so far from perfect but it will be so so good you just have to hold on#i am so happy but i am mourning#i don’t know how to articulate it at all i just feel#happy but grieving#i LOVE this new city we live in i LOVE it here#i like my job enough to stand it for enough hours a week to get by#i have the time and the energy to throw myself into hobbies like knitting and cooking#i watch one or two good movies a week#i eat delicious food i’ve made and from restaurants we want to try#i’m IN LOVE. with my girlfriend in a way that’s so overwhelming and unlike anything i’ve ever felt that words don’t do it justice#i have friends who are gentle and patient with me when it’s hard for me to reach out#i am fighting agoraphobia tooth and fucking nail and i’m seeing the world and experiencing it#i laugh every day!!!! every single day!!!!#i have a goofy wonderful dog and an incredibly sweet cat#i talk to my baby brother all the time and he tells me he loves me and he’s graduating college soon and i’m so fucking proud#i wish i would’ve known how good it would all become#i wish i could’ve known#personal
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lisxdumbr · 8 months ago
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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rosicheeks · 7 months ago
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🙃
#just want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out lately#just like I texted my friend I’ll tell you guys the same#haven’t been talking to a lot of people lately tbh#pretty sure I’ve mentioned php a few times by now#monday was my last day#and I was feeling on top of the world on Monday#I don’t remember the last time I was so genuinely happy#figured it was the med change or something#so I was feeling pretty optimistic#I’m in between programs now#and today was not the best#not as bad as some of my days#but definitely not even near the day I had on Monday#I just wish I could feel that every single day#I’m working on it but still#waiting to start ‘adult day treatment’ and case management#and I think case management will help me find a place??? I’m not sure exactly but that’s kinda what I was getting#which honestly? I know I’ve bitched about how badly I need to move#but while I was in php I realized I don’t think I’ll truly be able to heal while I’m living here… and that’s a scary thought#idk there’s a lot more deeper things that I don’t wanna talk about#but the fact I don’t have space and I don’t feel safe and comfortable here is hard….#my ‘safe’ space was my car but now that I’m trying to quit smoking my car isn’t the best place for me#I’ve been kinda getting used to my room and I’m finally trying to move a few things around#(now that I have a little energy again)#it’s just……. my arachnophobia is KILLING me here#in the past week I don’t even know how many spiders I’ve seen and killed#they haven’t been crazy and I recognize I don’t live in Australia or places where the spiders are as big as fucking cars#I came home and I was in a good mood until I saw a spider in my room 🙃🙃🙃 tried to vacuum it but not sure if I got it……..#so guess im sleeping on the couch….. again…. but can’t help think if out here is any better…#shut up rosie
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skunkes · 1 year ago
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was abt to make a silly post about how at this point i barter with the universe for a bf like "please id take care of him and walk him and dress him up", like a child begging for a pet, and then i think abt how as much as i want an actual pet I don't think im fit to ever have one of those either
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perilegs · 8 months ago
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being homesick and changing as a person so much the place you grew up in isn't your home anymore is such a core part of ati and upon further inspection i think i was projecting a little
#like yea that is a very common basic thing that happens to a lot if not most adults#but also i think i get homesick a bit too easy#when i moved away from home i moved to the closest big city that's only an hour away and i was already deeply familiar with it#but i was so sad despite knowing i personally could never thrive in my hometown#i wanted to experience the big city but it was so scary and it still is and i miss the comforts of my hometown but it's not just me that#has changed#dont get me wrong i wouldnt move back bc i have hobbies and friends and a job and most likely a career in the city i live in#and this truly is a place i don't think i could ever move away from. unless it is to a neighboring city#it's so hard for me to imagine there are people who move not just across the country but a completely different country and they just. adap#i could never. i was visiting my hometown every week for like the first year i lived here#i eventually want to move to a bigger apartment and ive been looking at places already even tho i need to graduate before doing that#and i'm. getting homesick just thinking about moving to a different part of the city.#i like the area i live in. i like the cornerstore and the distance to the closest grocery stores and parks#i like how my grandma used to live in this area when she was around my age#i'm not good with change and i know it but there are several things about moving that make me miserable#like yeah obviously i will move out from my single bedroom apartment when i can and i'll be so happy and it'll be good for me#but despite having lived here for only a bit more than 4 years i'll miss this apartment. i have so many good memories from here and i'll#never be able to visit it again and have it feel the same#but that's the least sad thing imo. i dread being in a different area more lmao#but it's fine i know i'll adapt as long as i don't have to move to a different city ever again gfsahgak#idk ive had a long day and im feeling a bit melancholic#i'll sleep in tomorrow >:3c#leevi talks
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imaginarypasta · 1 year ago
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i’ve been trying to get through hoh for literally like a week now but it’s so hard bc the way my fave nico is treated is absolutely ABYSMAL and i know it only gets worse
#personal#even hazel being like ‘yeah he’s hard to get along with’ or whatever she said#every single non-tartarus perspective has had at least one reference to this#and like i understand the reasons it’s not that it’s that it highlights this issue i have with a lot of the characters in that series which#is that i don’t like them. and that’s so different for me bc i actually usually find that my two favorite characters in anything are the tw#that don’t like each other? unrelated to that dynamic usually mostly but still within it#but that’s not even what the dynamic is yk.#and it’s just the whole thing overall like in the last book there was one part where these two characters who are supposed to be good#friends are separated and one makes a comment about how annoying (or something along those lines) she finds the other which.#i’m vaguely aware of what happens in toa so i think you could argue something about that but read on its own bc i don’t want to make that#argument without fully grasping where her character goes#it just kinda reinforces this… vibe to the whole series that was not nearly as present in the first series of like. really overemphasized#like gender roles/heterosexuality/etc. i can’t think of the word to use to describe it. i’ve seen other ppl talk about the parts that add u#to the whole that i’ve seen but never synthesize them. and it really varies between actually insidious and simply not my taste which is par#of the reason i hesitate to make a full critique out of it. but suffice to say i really don’t like it#with that being said the pacing of this book is really good and i am compelled to finish based on the themes i do find interesting#autonomy being a huge one#but anyway those are my thoughts on it after a few days of a break. i’ve been playing a video game instead :3 but i start work on wednesday#sooo i won’t have as much free time boo#looking back maybe ‘insidious’ is a very strong word for it. i’m talking about like when percy complains about the bag and similar moments
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furrysmp · 9 months ago
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congrats to everyone that is still following me after I saw I had way too many followers to not have at least one antisemitic person following me, the fact that you don't think I murder children for fun is truly a comfort
#I wish this was /s but no genuinely#Had 22 followers. Every time I reach past 20 at least one is antisemitic#I now have 15 followers#thanks for not hating me for being born in a country once btw#Like listen I don't mind if you mass reblog propal stuff. That's good#Just please make sure it's not the posts that talk about how israelis are all evil and want to murder everyone#And maybe reblog. One post about how there's a lot of antisemitism in propal spaces#And how you don't want to make the jews on your blog scared or uncomfortable over that#Just one post. It doesn't have to be praising israel bc fuck knows I hate our current government so much#But I see posts about how secular jews in israel are actually european colonizers roleplaying#And I think about how 100 years ago my great grandparents moved here#And how I'm genuinely scared for my sister who is visiting friends in the uk in a month#And how I'm scared for myself if I ever leave this country again#Because apparently me not wanting to die is controversial in all my political spaces#Except for pro israelis leftist spaces#And that's really sad#That I don't feel safe with yall anymore#Idk#I once joined a mcytblr discord server#The first day I'm there someone asks to “censor i/p” and gets the response “just don't look at the vent channel”#So. I looked.#Not a single person in that server cared enough to say “but it's not all israelis” at the people raving about i/p#Like people out there saying I on a personal level would be happy to murder people because of where I was born#I still get squirmy killing spiders that have rather painful bites. I could never hurt another human on purpose#And they just kept agreeing with each other in the most echo-chamber-y way#So. I left that server#And now I barely do mcyt fandom stuff because I'm scared of getting attention#I don't want attention on my blog or on me as a person#Because at least one in 20 followers will cheer if I get murdered#And that's fucking heartbreaking
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dancing-with-stars · 11 months ago
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that.#because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call.#i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time#they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool#people really. really cool people
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deus-ex-mona · 2 years ago
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little brothers and their will to #slay, man </3
#while yes yes this post technically does apply to the simp bros i wanna cry about my own bro in the tags so you have been warned~?#so to start off my monthly existential crisis rant i just wanna say that… i’m so so soo envious of my bro. like to a really unhealthy extent#he’s tall enough to reach the top shelves. i can barely touch them if i jump. he has so many friends and even a gf. i have 0 irl friends.#he is able to sit in one spot and focus on his studies. i can’t even sit down for a full half hour to *eat* without getting up to take a nap#he’s learning how to drive. i can’t. he was admitted into university. i wasn’t. he’s able to find what he likes and stick to it. i can’t.#like mannn. he thrived in the course he chose in tertiary education while i lost my passion for it in the middle of my first year.#he’s good at picking up everything he tries (puzzle cubes; bball; you name it he’s good at it) while i’m just. bad at everything i try lol#he’s very good at his studies (aside from languages) and sports. i’m not good at anything at all.#he gets told that he has a great sense of humour. i’m just. boring and annoying. lolllll#he’s super sociable and he has good relations with pretty much every single family member (sans me). i’m not in contsct with most of the fam#heck he was pretty much the favourite from the moment he was born. his baby pics still get brought up from time to time bc of how cute he is#(granted it’s bc he looks like a bby m*ch*l*n man (like the tire company mascot) and he’s super cute in them but still)#and he’s also a guy and content with being a guy which is just… not fair y’knowwww~~~ asian family boy biases and all (cries)#our father pretty much cast me aside once my bro was old enough to hang with him. and even before then the bias was as clear as day. >:(((((#i make the dude mad? i get screamed at and whaccced. bro gets the dude mad? he gets a lesson on how to throw punches instead!!! like wow!!!!#he’s the only one who got to escape any direct physical harm from the guy and yet!!!! he was the 1st one to be singled out for trauma focus#idk if it’s bc of his age back then or whattttt but i can’t believe i had to friggin’ ask my therapist back then for a trauma assessment :(#2015 was a different time… my bro managed to succeed in school while i was rejected from the drama club for being too depressed :((((#but i’m sure my bro has his own share of struggles… and i’m glad that he has a few groups of friends to chill with. really.#but i just can’t help feeling extremely envious of him. i could never tell him any of this though we hardly talk at home lol#and he pretends not to know me when i approach him in public lmfaoooo. i don’t blame him though; i’d do the same if i were to approach me#so yeah. if you read this i’m sorry for being cringefail and bad at everything~~ am i still allowed to pollute your dash~? <3#and also. idk if i’ll be able to continue sischange over this week bc i’ll be handling 2 workstations by meself :( and idk how tired i’ll be#but we’ll see ok~? sorry for having zero time management skills am i still qualified to be a legit adult~?#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂
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notagaybastard · 1 year ago
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I think I am finally In love
#this is kinda weird but whenever i had a crush on someone it was just like#i would only think about them when i was almost falling asleep at 4 am and during the day they mesnt nothing to me#and now i dream about him and i think about him during every period of the day#and when he says bye to me after class or just look at me and say “schmidt :D” or stands in front of me#in a line i have to hold myself so i won't start crying and hug him because we don't have inyimacy at all#and i miss it so much when we did every project together and everyday he asked me if i was allright and i should have told him the truth#and months ago he asked me to do a project with him again but that one friend of mine who i recently stopped talking with told him that#i was already doing the project with her#an obviously lie#and he never texted me again#and i have never been jealous but i noticed hes been talking a lot to her and he barely talks to me and he doesnt know she lies all the tim#about everything and he doesnt know i wanted to accept his feelings last march but i couldn't even get out of bed that would've hurt him#and i still think i would hurt him but i want him more than ever#and hes everything i want and everything i want to be and look#and he is smart as fuck and he is funny but never offends anyone with his jokes and he never offended anyone actually#he is the sweetest person to ever exist#and my mom and aunt adore him#and who doesnt?#it hurts so bad that he isnt in love with me again and i want to work out things and i want to be good for him#last year he dated like 3 people but hes been single for almost the whole year and if he starts dating someone again#before i manage to get better ill be so sad#and i need him i need him i love his thin arms and i need him to wrap me with then and i need to rest my head on his shoulder#and i want to play minecraft with him like we used to and i want him to know i like him but i cant do it all of sudden#i need to be friends with him again but i have no idea how#i need him to like#i changed so much in the last year he probably thinks im weird and stupid but he won't say it because he is the coolest person ever#and he is so pretty and i want to adjust his glasses and kiss his hands#and i want to ask him if hes ok too#and i want to make him feel better#and i want to sit next to him
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