#BUT I PUT MY FUCKING PRONOUNS
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I ACCIDENTALLY CAME OUT TO A FREN
#I GAVE HER A SIDEBLOG BECAUSE MY MAIN IS UH PERHAPS QUESTIONABLE#BUT I PUT MY FUCKING PRONOUNS#IDK WHAT SHE THINKS NOW
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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hey gamers sorry im always dead BUT in a fit of inspiration im working on making a game (????) hopefully ill finish it but whatever if i cant
and naturally kuyas there too but i havent drawn his clothes yet (and really dont want to)
here are the sketches. a little sad i cant use them bc im limited by pixels but you all can have it
#my art#nu carnival#sorry for putting this in the tags once again#its just for organizational purposes so feel free to ignore it#the premise of the game is really short#just like this fucked up thing ive had in my files for a while#<- guy who is exceptionally down bad for kuya#BUT. excitingly i found out how to do pronouns in rpgmaker!!!!! so thats fun#thatll let me do a lot for the game#if i ever finish it#i happened to get hit with Inspiration at the worst fucking time possible#kuya nu carnival#eiden nu carnival#its really not very interesting#its more of like. a multiple choice fanfic lol#i just need to get it out of my head or ill die#i NEED to make this.#i already have the thing written so its just visuals from here
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Life has been insane lately, but recently it has taken a much more Disney channel original movie turn. Allow me to explain. Many years ago (middle school) I was friends with this girl and we were very close, she had an older sibling with cool green hair and tattoos, genuinely didn’t even know I was bi but I had a huuuuuge crush on them. Fast forward to present day, through a series of what I consider some of my best choices I now have a date with the older sibling this week and like. Who gets to do that!! Who gets a chance with their childhood crush!! How am I gonna take this man on a date I’m so nervous!!!!!!!!!
#personal tag#yeah we’ve both changed pronouns and gender multiple times#but guess what the dates still on :):)#I offered a winery trivia night date or bowling and food date#idk which he wants to do but the options have been put forth#god I hope those were good date choices#there’s just not shit to do in this town#I’m trying soooooooo hard guys#I don’t wanna fuck this up 😭😭#god I hope he’s not on tumblr that would be god awful bad#anyways tldr asked my childhood crush on a date and he said yes
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choosing violence 10 + 16 + 22 !!!! >:333
ok u didnt specify a fandom but im just gonna do this for pd because its front and center in my mind !!!!!! oh boy i cant wait to be crucified for my opinions
10. worst part of fanon
this is a problem with every jrwi campaign and also like. most . other fandoms to be real. but it seems like my favorite characters are always the ones that get the worst of the mischaracterization beam -_- i cant tell you HOW MANY fics ive opened bc the premise sounds cool only to IMMEDIATELY close it due to "he would not fucking say that" this isnt pd but if i have to read one more fic that infantilizes gillion for not understanding Land Things im going to blow up. hes stupid sometimes yeah! but hes not ignorant and hes not a baby hes like. literally the oldest one on the crew even if its only by a year or two. head in hands
16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)
ok im gonna get burnt at the stake for this one but i personally dont really see the appeal of tfem ashe... like i see the appeal yeah of course i do i just dont get why people are so like... weirdly forceful and passive aggressive about it? also this is totally a personal thing no hate to anyone that does this but its kind of a peeve of mine when ppl write analysis posts ans use their headcanon pronouns like.... if u are going to talk about and analyze canon then talk about canon !!!! i cant tell u how many good ashe posts ive skipped over bc im like. we are talking about different characters here .. respect to ashe tfemers and everything but its not for me
22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores
THERE IS A DISTURBING LACK OF CLARENCE ALBERT FAN CONTENT. WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT MORE INSNAE ABOUT CLARENCE ALBERT. HELLO???? am i the only person that feels this way . can anyone hear me its so fucking dark in here. every day i just want to read a fic about clarence albert and i am met with this
and neither of them are . interesting to me. hell on earth. bizly PLEASE give me more clarence lore in season 3 im fucking starving.
#irt the ashe thing ive always had a personal Thing against changing a characters pronouns it feels a little too close to genderbend for me#and i have NOT have positive experiences with genderbends so i just tend to avoid it hsbdfjsbdf#so. not for me! but i wish ppl were less. weird about it i guess#ppl are always like. if you dont like this tfem hc that means youre a misogynist and a terf and im like???? no????#i would feel the exact same way if ppl started exclusively using he/him to refer to ja.y fe.rin. idk man. the constant Mental Illness Guilt#is like . youre a bad person for not she/hering as.he wi.nters#but fuck it we ball. im ready for the discourse anons for this. censoring tags out of fear hsbjfsjfsdfs#sooooooo many of my jrwi mutuals are going to block meeeeeeeee#head in hands. choosing violence choosing violence choosing violence#anyway both of the clarence fics are aus. and i dont want to READ an au. i want to read about THE CANON GUY. PLEASE. HES SO INTERESTING.#AND HES LIKE. THE BASIS FOR ALL OF MALS WHOLE THING.#THERES SO MUCH THERE#UAUGHHHHGHGH#anyway. anyway. hi ros im writing nhw tidalwave fic <3 its gonna be short but ive had a vision.#we should make. an ao3 collab folder or something to put the nhw fics in. because ive had so many ideas#asks#ask game#friends!!!#intertexts
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we talk a fair game about hating AI on here but there's that one extremely obvious AI made reylo fanart that keeps floating around from time to time and a lot of people have fallen for it and reblogged it and the person behind the account makes a ton of other AI art using disney characters and i try not to get annoyed about it because at first glance it's kind of convincing if you don't know what to look for but i think as a whole we need to get better about recognizing AI art if we're saying we're not going to support it. idk. t
#and if you like AI art sure whatever that's fine this isn't for you reblog it idc i'm not your boss#the person who posted that reylo art also has 'fuck your pronouns' in their bio so that makes me not sorry about saying this fyi#leigh speaks#reylo#i'm saying this for the folks who are against AI and probably didn't realize that “”“drawing”“” is not what it seems to be#my friend sent me an instagram post the other day with some “real” photos of some new aurora borealis that was super rare and special#and in the entire set of photos about this supposed new amazing phenomena the mountain range was different from the last one.#and it was obviously fake too just looking at it. and i pointed that out to him and he was so surprised! lol#like my guy did you look at this for more than five seconds?#AI has a few specific styles at this point: the super photorealistic is the most obvious bc it just looks like HD disney 3d graphics#then there's the softer slightly more painterly ones that can be trickier to pinpoint if you don't look at the details and anatomy#then there's the really insidious (and not as popular one): the 2d art#and no matter the subject the style is usually consistent. and if you visit deviant art for even twenty minutes you'll get really familiar#with them all because it's fucking rampant there >:/#anyway part of this is also fueled by the fact i was at Micheal's earlier and found a Romantasy coloring book and guess what?#the entire thing was AI made. the entire fucking thing. and boy did that put a dent in my brow.#this also applies to dramione but i see more AI art of them on instagram than on here
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omg guys proshipper isn't "basic dni criteria", like that list is supposed to represent actual irl issues(*), not some 2020 internet discourse. you guys are so annoying like if you're uncomfortable interacting with proshippers i understand and respect it, although you probably have a very twisted idea of what the word means (would make a separate post abt it but there are hundreds already). but please don't equate it to actual crimes. (*)also do you seriously think that a bigot troll is going to read your dni and be magically expelled from your strong aura. if anything it's going to make them want to harass you more. it's obvious that those lists are just a pose like "if i don't put racists dni they're gonna think i'm racist" NO aaagh you don't have to over-specify(?) everything about you when interacting online can we please go back to being normal istg. reject modernity embrace not writing a dni list and just blocking people like a normal person <3
#tsun.txt#also ppl who write all their triggers and traumas are you fr that too is going to make it easier for trolls to harass you#children need to learn basic internet safety etc etc#i needed to vent bc i've been on toyhouse and i'm SO tired of everyone using the “warning” tab for fucking dni's#come and block me yourself bitch. the warning is supposed to be info about what could trigger ME.#BRO i just remembered once i was looking at the artists that were going to attend a con and one of them had fucking proship dni in their bi#like IMAGINE limiting your sales bc you care about what other people like to read?? i'm going to put fucking. idk. team kira dni.#also i sometimes go to cons as an artist too. imagine if i got placed next to that person#what do they want me to do? them: “hey can you move your chair a little” me: ignoring them bc i read their dni#it's INSANE#not @ me being paranoid abt ppl cancelling me for this post despite having like +300 blocked accounts#but i'm coming out (?) as a non-harasser. like i don't even use the word profiction. i'd rather call myself normal.#i sound like those people who're like my pronouns are nor/mal but FR this used to be the norm in fandoms *sob*#also ppl online are limiting their interactions for not wanting me to reblog their art but okay#in MY case i'm hella limiting my interactions for not wanting to be harassed. we're not the same.#i be like why does this have so few notes *has half the fandom blocked*#and ppl probably wouldn't even notice bc most of what i post is wholesome but then i write textposts like this. better safe than sorry#discourse
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I had a hemiplegic migraine yesterday which sometimes causes me to be really out of it and have a hard time communicating (or even knowing words for things like asking for pants and saying "leg sleeves" kind of bullshit). Sarah and Mom started talking because I was basically like trying to talk to someone drunk off their ass. I have NO CLUE what they were talking about because my brain was like a sieve and only caught the occasional word, but at one point mom used "her" to refer to me.
Now, I'm gender fluid and fine with any pronoun MOST OF THE TIME, but sometimes she/her feels icky. I don't know why. Ask my brain. So my faux drunk ass heard "her", pointed at mom like I was freaking Phoenix Wright from Ace Attorney, and loudly declared "wrong!"
Cue two very confused people. Poor mom was scrambling trying to figure out WHICH PART of what she just said was wrong. Sarah meanwhile sat still for a bit before she popped up and said "their!" like she had figured out a word problem. Then it clicked for mom and they both shifted to using they/them for me.
Just to be clear, they see this very impaired person point and yell "wrong" with no context, figured out it was pronouns, and fixed the problem even though the person was completely out of it and probably wouldn't remember later.
I love my new family ♡
#my biological family argued with me about nonbinary as even a concept and my forged family is over here doing this shit#*casual flex*#gender#pronouns#found family#disability#funny story#lgbtq#allies#bio fam was also ableist as fuck while these guys fought insurance and the government to get me accommodations i needed#have i told you guys that I love them?#impairment#altered consciousness#hemiplegic migraine#confusion#also guys#I wasn't nervous or hesitant to tell them (which kinda shows how far I've come)#mom found out about my bio family the second time she met me and firmly told me she was my mom now#she followed through too. started introducing me as her kid and put me in the Christmas card. researched my medical stuff. had my back...#i love them#bluewind talks
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i think there is a very special category of "most dense mfer in the world" for people irl who somehow misgender me (and continue to misgender me) despite me wearing multiple layers of men's clothing, cutting my hair short, not shaving, binding my chest and wearing a very visible and big he/him pin on my bag. disrespectfully: how the actual hell did you fuck up that badly.
#like surely you can take a hint as to what gender expression i'm going for. surely.#at this point they have to be doing it on purpose. there's no way you can look at someone who is obviously presenting as masc this much and#-be like ''eerrmmm are u a she'' on accident. no way#unless they think i'm butch??? but also like???? the pronoun pin????? the trans pin?????? HELLO??????????#is there some kind of secret sauce these people are picking up that i don't know about or something. am i missing something#because there's no fucking way i could be missing anything with a literal he/him pin#are people just like.... not being very perceptive????#it happens online too??? somehow??????#my pronouns are one of the only immediate pieces of information someone could get from me online. how the actual fuck.#i'm gonna have to put my pronouns in my username in online games at this point 😭#i'm convinced cis people don't know how to take a hint or something. in any situation#i'm kidding...... or am i?#but seriously though it's as if i gotta hold up a giant sign that says ''I'M A MAN I GO BY HE/HIM'' just to be gendered correctly#it's especially annoying when people continue to misgender me after hearing my voice cause like. i know it's not the lowest voice-#-in the world but SURELY you can decipher something from someone who's on his way to sounding like australian critikal#it's also confusing because i pass to all my friends. and yet. strangers somehow don't get it.#(maybe that's why my friends are my friends and the strangers aren't /jjjjjjjj)#anyway yeah. very annoying#trans#transgender#transmasc#trans man#transphobia#trans issues
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I’m sick of the feeling that I always have to have enough pictures for a photoset to post anything. So. I’m rebelling against that stupid fuckin feeling and just posting this chara stand alone! There’ll probably be a frisk to go w it eventually! But! U’ll just have to wait lol
#undertale#chara#chara dreemurr#ut#doodles#started this yesterday. finished it like an hour ago. and posting it fucking now. no waiting to draw more shit to go w it ghghg#also. I’ve put this in the tags of another chara picture before. but that was a long time ago. so. reiterating just to be safe:#yes. I have drawn chara in a skirt. their pronouns are still they/them#idk if that needs to be said! but. just in case..#cuz I remember. specifically on deviantart. there were a few ppl who rlly liked misgendering the humans on my art of them ghgh#I don’t think that’s as much of a thing on tumblr. but still#but anyway yeah! chara! I drew this completely on my phone too!#and I took my time w the details and coloring and shit! I didn’t rush thru any of it!#im proud of myself ghghg#also. this was an attempt to solidify a chara design I like. cuz I felt like. the last one I drew. for the honey pie animation meme#was ok?? I liked it. but I was also like. shit. their hairs too messy and long they look too much like Kris#so. I wanted to try and fix that lol#we’ll see if this design finally sticks!#…for the once in a blue moon occasion I draw Undertale fanart ghgh
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How I feel after headcanoning Demetri as trans knowing I have no reasoning other than the “I prefer to be a shirt” line from 2x05 and the fact that I love projecting onto my favs
#posting this here bc I’d get maimed if I put it anywhere near TikTok or Twitter#‘n-no!! my sigma alpha king can’t have PRONOUNS!!!!!’#everytime I see a homophobic ck fan I slap a new gender identity/sexuality on a character#oh Chris? yeah he’s actually dating Mitch get fucked loser#I hate to be that person but I absolutely am that person#demetri alexopoulos
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Not to continue my recent trend of oversharing on tumblr dot com, but I am very much struggling not to feel like I'm doing everything in my entire life wrong at present
#normal things to think after your doctor tells you you need to get a blood test re-taken bc you mistimed your dose#I'm just. I'm tired man.#I've been putting off a phone call for two months#i spend every day lately torn between do I need to go to hospital or am I just unfit and anxious#I rot and decay when left alone but also people are Too Much#I want to Create but I can't get started and when I do I'm just so disappointed with whatever I make#I'm exhausted but I'm awake at 4am bc if i go to sleep tomorrow will start and I'll have to do this all again#and I need so fucking badly for someone to just crush me so hard in a really long hug until my bones realign#and i need to find past me shake her by the shoulders and yell “you're fine! you'll be fine! cut your hair! eat your greens!#take up swimming and also some new pronouns! no one else will respect em but they're for YOU and so is the health stuff#please for the love of fucking god just look after yourself better than i did!“#there's toooooo many fuckin holes in this sinking ship#I need a full body MOT and then to be cradled against the chest of a large gentle man for 12-36 hours#mr. bees speaks
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Small drawing collection of my latest creation Emran as a teenager/freshly minted Air Acolyte, for my dear partner in unhinged OC shenanigans @katkastrofa, as promised <3
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#I need to figure out a way to tag these guys#like with renny and dori I just put sotrl in front of their names and that works#but emran is technically an LaF character. though not uniquely tied to that verse. and idk what to do with Ila and Alasie#maybe I need to have some unique oc tag or smth. I’ll figure it out#if you’re wondering why I stayed up until half past 7 a.m to draw this it’s because I needed some way to cool down#after the kuviren smut absolutely broke my brain#and what better way to do that than by drawing my sweet baby boy?#yes lmao he went from baby girl to baby boy in like 24 hours. fucking sue me#but actually. actually!! they’re both. they contain multitudes :)#they probably haven’t even realised that at this point and are still in disguise#convinced that she’ll be punished for her deceit if anyone found out that she’s actually a girl#(okay off topic but the switching pronouns are really fun lmao)#but give them time. they’ll figure it out soon enough. in these pieces they’re slowly getting used to temple life#and that is the first step to self acceptance#I’m actually extremely proud of these. especially the one with the apple basket. I feel like the androgynous vibes are really there#and he looks like his brother the most in it#but the others are fun too. I loved doing the portrait. I should do them more often#and.. I will admit. I traced the lemur. I can barely draw people okay how do you expect me to draw animals#but I just think that Aiza would really love a little lemur friend#animals don’t judge and she doesn’t have to watch herself around them. she can just be. plus the lemurs are really cute <3#I want to eventually do a companion to this with Aiza instead. maybe from back before she ran away#probably something based on reflection from Mulan too bc the vibes are there. though.. to be completely honest#I’d say they have a lot more of Shurochka Azarova’s vibes than Mulan. but that’s just my love for Soviet cinema taking over#it’s essentially if mulan fought napoleon instead. and when discovered instead of left to die they promoted her to lieutenant 😁#I realise the comparison is completely incomprehensible to everyone but me but.. go watch the hussar ballad. it’s free on YouTube with subs#okay enough rambling. i shall now go to bed. @ Kat I hope this brightens up your morning at least somewhat. I love you!!
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actually reminds me. im so fucking sick of tumblr posts lumping in country with the other 'unjustly maligned music genres' NO SHUT UP LISTEN, person who was about to screenshot this for my callout post. I LIKE COUNTRY. i did the whole. hey u know theres other genres in here! I really love some of the darker themes, story telling and crises of faith or identity u can find in here! blusey sounds and croaky singers. women killing their husbands. songs about the devil. blah blah blah.
that was in the year directly preceding beginning to work at the place that subjected me to bro country FM all hours of the work day unless i was working alone and could crank the volume to zero. or if it was christmas (/shudder)
but going. oh actually REAL country is GOOD. only FAKE country is BAD. REAL country is made by poor marginalized ppl of colour and stuff. the rich white dude stupid truck beer women stuff isnt what its really about. 1. Debate Fallacy. 2. GUESS WHAT DILL WEED? thats what they play on the fucking radio. and being inundated with these paltry jingles, and their fucking. not infrequently offensive content! did make want to listen to the country music i DID LIKE. a whole lot less. even if it was a lot more skillful, deep and 'authentic'
and i dont think not liking country cause its so prolifically annoying is the same as not liking the entire genres of jazz or rap or r&b. u cunts.
#some shit#ive ALSO worked at places that play jazz all day and just.#even the most mid tinky coffee shop jazz could never put a tenth of that much rage in me.#it wouldnt make me hate fucking cannonball adderly or whatever u know#and u know what. i dont care that luke combs didnt change the pronouns in fast car. get fucked.#okay clearly i was possessed my a demon on this one. whatever
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One of the struggles I have with Vhae is that I vm get more genderfluid vibes from him much like you do from Corellon; happily one or the other. But also?? I think Vhae almost exclusively lives in male alignment for the benefit of the people who need him most. So you will almost NEVER see him portrayed as female, bc v little else would be so immediately alienating to those he's trying to help.
#all the world will be your enemy and if they catch you they will kill you -- but first they must catch you // Vhaeraun headcanon.#will Vhae ever get to live his own fucking life as he pleases instead of as a trauma / Lolth response??#check in next week to hell tf no apparently >:|#and like..........#listen I might be a little ( read: a lot ) biased against her bc of my own experiences#but every single thing about her gives me massive ick even outside of that ngl#fuck her. fuck Shar. DOUBLE fuck Bhaal#not necessarily in that order tho bc tbqh I think I like Shar more than Lolth#Shar may be a bitch but at least she's not Gross(tm)#but bhaalding is uber mega gross and deserves to be put in the cosmic trash#ANYWAY point being is Vhae might be genderfluid by nature#but by choice He's smiting you if you call Him She#( need to work on remembering to capitalize pronouns for my deity characters )
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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