#ive ALSO worked at places that play jazz all day and just.

[istherewifiinhell]

actually reminds me. im so fucking sick of tumblr posts lumping in country with the other 'unjustly maligned music genres' NO SHUT UP LISTEN, person who was about to screenshot this for my callout post. I LIKE COUNTRY. i did the whole. hey u know theres other genres in here! I really love some of the darker themes, story telling and crises of faith or identity u can find in here! blusey sounds and croaky singers. women killing their husbands. songs about the devil. blah blah blah.

that was in the year directly preceding beginning to work at the place that subjected me to bro country FM all hours of the work day unless i was working alone and could crank the volume to zero. or if it was christmas (/shudder)

but going. oh actually REAL country is GOOD. only FAKE country is BAD. REAL country is made by poor marginalized ppl of colour and stuff. the rich white dude stupid truck beer women stuff isnt what its really about. 1. Debate Fallacy. 2. GUESS WHAT DILL WEED? thats what they play on the fucking radio. and being inundated with these paltry jingles, and their fucking. not infrequently offensive content! did make want to listen to the country music i DID LIKE. a whole lot less. even if it was a lot more skillful, deep and 'authentic'

and i dont think not liking country cause its so prolifically annoying is the same as not liking the entire genres of jazz or rap or r&b. u cunts.

[thatsgonnaleaveamark]

whyy are concerts so expensive and not close to me ಠ╭╮ಠ

[soft-puppy-boyfriend]

Shout out to my brain for convincing me that I'm still missing something in regards to preparing myself to start my new job next Monday, despite the fact that I've read a million "prepare yourself for work" articles and listicles and I have either everything already prepared or at least a plan to prepare that thing this week.

Its like when you're going on holiday and your brain is like "well what if you shit yourself every single day?? What if you pee yourself every five minutes even though you've never struggled with that at home?" Except it's my brain going "hey what happens if they expect you to bring your own phone headset?" Like???? They explicitly DONT, they have TOLD ME WHAT THEY EXPECT OF ME, can we STOP WORRYING OH MY GOD!???

[mirkhammett]

anything having to do with dave mustaine + breeding kink.. we are incredibly delulu tonight, yes indeed 🗣📣❗❗

oh yes u r so right. and oh yes we are!!

kiss of life

summary: a quiet night on dave’s tour leads to a late night confession of his, which leads to something more.

warnings: unprotected sex (don’t do this), breeding kink, one mention of drug misuse, consent is not verbally said, sleepy sex, dominant dave, he’s so cute kill me, all that jazz, dirtiest thing ive wrote yet also the shortest

w/c: 2.2k

sorry this is shorter than usual, i couldn’t think of a good plot idea for this, so it’s very basic lol ^.^ not proofread so correct me on mistakes!!

the almost minuscule tv on the beside table hummed muffled sounds in confluence, a showing of an old 60s movie, (which seemed so ancient now), radiating the bedroom with hues of grey, and even darker greys. you couldn’t say it was the best hotel room you had stayed in, but it wasn’t even close in being the worse. it was comfortable, and that was enough for a night, or a few.

you lay on your side, facing the diminutive television, though only really paying attention when the room would light up white, your hands clasped together under the not so unusually thick, hotel pillow. so much for comfort, when you could deem the single pillow practically thicker than the mattress.

dave was propped up beside you, his large hand calloused with litters of guitar scars from playing too harshly, (which you had berated him for many times), draped over your waist. his other hand was holding him up so he could see over your body, eyes glazing over the tv lazily. his shirtless body was pressed against your own, the only thing separating the embrace of pure skin on skin being the lacy silk night dress you were sporting, the colour a captivating mix, or so dave thought, between cream and an off white.

“are you even watching this?” he muttered, a mix between a question and a statement, the hint of a smile slipping through his words. he suddenly let himself flop down into the mattress, the bed rumbling sideways with a soft thud.

“no,” you murmured, turning to face him. “are you?” you questioned, already knowing the answer from his body language. he was laying on his back, facing the yellowed popcorn ceiling, that had a multitude of darker splurges, probably from a leak that was never fixed.

he shook his head, turning on his side to face you, the remnants of a grin visible through his features, his eyes a slight crease. he lifted his arms, wiggling those calloused fingers as a signal for your comforting touch.

“how was the show?” you whispered, rolling into his arms, your face fitting perfectly between the crook of his neck, his head resting just above yours. he placed a soft kiss on your forehead, his left hand working through your hair, detangling strands that were slightly caught up from your movement in the bed. you hummed.

“good,” he replied, his usually gruff spoken voice soft with eloquence. the show was good, and you knew it. the way the band performed was just so perfect everytime, well, at least all the shows you had been there for since joining him on tour- what your question really meant, was how he had found the show. he never really said much about it, but his dedication to his fans through every show was so clear. you knew what he really wanted to say, though the words never came to life. good, to him meant great.

it was rare for a night to end this way for him. usually, the band would go out to celebrate and blow some steam, (by snorting up god knows what), only stumbling back to the hotel at some stupid hour late into the next day, to repeat it all again the same night. but tonight wasn’t one of those nights.

you curled into his touch, slipping your arm through the tiny gap between your body and his to rest on his bare chest, a leg hooked over his hip. this seemed to awaken something inside of him, a fire of some sort, as he suddenly came to his senses, becoming more awake. he moved his hand from your now deranged hair to massage your thigh, pulling you further into his embrace.

he shuffled into a position where he was able to sit up and look at you, all while still keeping you connected. to him with an invisible string. the change of position allowed you to completely straddle him, your silky night dress now hooking up by your hips. you played your head down on his chest, your ear against his skin catching the sounds of his comforting heart beat.

“you’re my good girl, aren’t you?” he spoke, almost grunted, his voice now sounding much more restrained than it previously was. he brought his hand to scratch gently under your chin, an amiable purr escaping through your plumped lips.

“yes.” you murmured into his chest, your breath a hot contrast to the slight chill of the room. he used the same hand to pull your face up, sculpting you in a particular position to be facing him, his thumb brushing up and down, up and down gently, like a broken record on repeat.

“good,” his subtle grin showed excitement, but his eyes deceived him, his excitement clear- and then it all clicked. “because i’ve been thinking about this all day, baby,” the state you were once in- your eyes, that were oh so ready to flutter closed for once and for all until the morning sun arose, now felt incredibly awake, entranced, even- that state had dissipated. “can you be that good girl for just a bit longer? then i’ll let you rest.”

you nodded, and there was no time for either of you to waste, no time for you to even think before your night dress was slipping off your shoulders, the cream silk having an easy escape. you smoothly pulled your arms out of the thin sleeves, easily but with little agility, your exhaustion catching up to your, your panties wetted.

one of his hands cradled your chest, groping your breast and rubbing his pointer finger against your blushed nipple, squeezing it between his thumb, soft whimpers escaping you. his other hand found its place against your bare back, holding you up and steady on his lap, but not for long. he ravenously manoeuvred both of your bodies, so that you were lying, back pressed firmly against the mattress, pulling your sleepwear down your legs and flinging it off to the side, landing on the floor with a gentle thump.

and then he was ontop of you again, your hands suddenly feeling frail and useless as he placed his weight just above yours, his body height emitting like blazing yours, your fingers stretching against his sides. you hadn’t even realised he had already shed himself of his boxers.

he slouched his head down so was face to face with your breasts, licking his lips to gather up wetness, before harshly sucking on your left breast, leaving trails of spit in his wake, a sloppy, messy kiss. “can’t wait until one day, when these are so full and plump,” his voice had grown in an octave since you had last heard it, his words muffled, his breath heavy on your bare chest. you sucked in a tight gust of air. “the mother of my children.”

his words caused an instant change in your body, your arousal wetting your thighs and your cheeks turning a sweet red, cascading down your neck and into your nimble fingertips. he released his grip in your boob with his mouth, quickly moving down your body, his hands trailing down, his fingers giving your right nipple an endearing squeeze.

he spread your thighs with his weaker hand, his stronger one inspecting your gushing pussy, a tender finger spreading it apart, a thumb pressing down onto your clit. you released an enthralling whimper, and a grin graced his pretty face, his ginger locks falling onto his features like a sculpture. “already so wet f’me,” he noted, the movements of his thumb causing a full body jerk out of you. “does the idea of having my children get you off?”

you nodded frantically like a maniac, his words combined with his teasing tone making everything feel just a bit more fuzzy than it already was, your eyes threatening to flutter shut. but he wouldn’t let that happen, not yet anyway.

in seconds he pulled himself back up, his arms caging you in, his dick hitting your lower stomach. he lifted his right hand, spitting on it, (which somehow made you much more wetter, if that was even possible), bringing it down to pump his dick a few times, holding it against your pussy lips.

“look at me,” he spoke, stern and dominating. and so you did, bringing your eyes to his, his brown orbs filled with hunger and love, his adoration for you never fading. “are you ready, baby?” his features held concern for your sleepy state, fighting off the feeling of his pulsing dick for just a few seconds to check your head, clear your mind. you nodded. “i need to hear you say it.” his brows furrowed.

“yes, yes, please.” you begged, wrapping your soft arms around his neck, pulling him down, closer to your frame- and that was all the conformation he needed. seconds had never felt longer than they did now, the quick slip of time before he pushed in agonising for the both of you.

and with a mutual moan, he was in, slotted perfectly into you like he was your missing piece, your puzzle finally completed. he didn’t waste any more time before he started to thrust, slow at thrust, getting deeper as he took his time with you. by the 4th thrust of the in and out motion he had acquired, he was fully in, filling you to the brim, his balls flush against the smooth slope of your ass, your whimpers starting to fill the along, along with the stench of sex that was starting to quickly take over your senses.

“i wanna pump you up, all nice and full,” his words could hardly catch up with the speed of his thrusts, your whole body jerking at bouncing to the rhythm, everything about him sending you into a cacophony of melodic infatuation, words beyond comprehension, a sonnet of love. “you want that too, baby?”

and when you thought he possibly couldn’t get any deeper, he made it happen, his dick practically impaling you.

“m’ gonna breed you, make you my wife,” it was like he wasn’t even thinking before speaking, all these words falling out and escaping his lips, all the truth. like a fantasy he had dreamed for, for months beforehand, all these confessions piling up and making it hard for you to do anything but whimper, but moan and beg for more, to please him, because god knows that’s there’s nothing you would want more to be his wife, and eventually one day mother his children. “you’ll look so pretty, full with my babies.”

his thrusts became more erratic by the minute, and you could sense him nearing his release, his words spurring the both of you along to that sublime heaven, that gushy feeling in your stomach beginning to bubble up, fizzing as it nears its burst- and dave knew this too.

“you want me to come inside you, fill you up until you’re leaking?” his balls slapping against your ass made you just want to close your eyes and succumb to the bliss, though his harsh movements weren’t making it very easy. “my dirty girl, aren’t you?”

“uh-huh, mhmm,” you moaned, profanities spilling from your lips on repeat, unable to stop yourself, or the squeaks and whimpers that he found oh so delightful.

somehow he was able to grin through the immense pleasure, his lips curling at the sides, his face wrinkled with his eyes half shut, beads of sweat dripping down his face, rolling down his arm due to his languid efforts to please, his arm propping himself up growing shakier as he neared release.

“my sweet girl wants me to come inside her, all nice and deep,” he grunted out, breathing heavily as his thrusts became sloppier, your thighs sticky and wet with the combination of your juices, and his sweat, a thin layer adorning his whole body, his chest olied and faint abs clear as day. “i’m gonna give you what you want.” his thrusts became ever faster, his hips moving at incredible speeds as he spurted his cum out inside your gushy walls, a guttural groan escaping him.

his orgasm had him pulling you down with him, your own making you see stars, crashing down on you like a malicious wave, your vision going white as you held your eyes tightly shut. he rode you down out of your orgasm, his thrusts becoming slower and more controlled, his breathing shaky and unsteady, your own chest rising and falling uncontrollably, completely spent. he realised this when he finally pulled out, the look on your face telling him all that he needed to know, your shut eyes then proving it.

his expression was filled with love as he admired you, bringing a shaky hand to brush your hair out of your face and tuck it behind your eyes, smiling down at your exhausted form. “always so good for me. i know i was rough tonight, honey, but you did so well,” he begrudgingly lifted himself from your body, admiring your features as he kneeled beside the bed, stroking along your arm as gentle as he possibly could muster up. you had made him soft. “i’ll get you all cleaned up, you just rest now.”

he leaned over, placing a soft, wet kiss to your forehead, before standing up. he hesitated for a few moments, until he knew you were okay, and only then going to the bathroom to retrieve clean up supplies, wiping you down with a lukewarm wet paper towel. “goodnight, baby.”

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 7/2/2024

as of friday i have lived in texas for a full year. that's the most neutrally diplomatic thing i can say about my time in this state so far

listening

i did a lot of driving last week and had the first album from genshin impact's legally-not-France nation on loop bc it's a lot of vivaldi inspired stuff and i find that soothing. however! one of my favorite pieces of music from this nation is this battle track. i don't have any music words but i do like the.. pipe organ emphasis? on the little flourish at 0:28. catholic brain go brrrr

-

reading

thank you mackintosh.

i liked gotham city: year one! many many many callbacks but framed in a way "and this is the start of the blueprint for how everything would go" which made me less annoyed than callbacks for their own sake. a very chandler-esque take on noir, by which i mean a fundamentally good (but tired) man gets beaten to shit and survives a doublecross as he unravels a fucked up little family dynamic for the pure nosy sake of unraveling it.

-

watching

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024, dir. Ritchie). a spy/action/comedy thing about Operation Postmaster, a wwii special operation off the west coast of Africa to disrupt nazi u-boat supplies.

i did not like this at all.

i generally like a guy ritchie film-- the holmes duolgy are movies i would happily rewatch at any time, but this one is very flat. there's very little banter and remarkably little dialogue-- long stretches of this film are of people getting from place to place in perfect silence. even the soundtrack is remarkably toned down. most of it sounds like ai-generatred morricone (very few of the musical passages like. resolve in any sensible manner. there is no theming and no noticeable leitmotif. one of the worst covers of mack the knife ive ever heard is at the climax of the fuckin film. what if someone ominously tapped a hihat to create tension for literally half the movie with NO other accompaniment). when it doesn't sound ai-generated and kind of off (morricone's cowboy western work is not what i expect for a largely seafaring wwii movie) it sounds like they rented a jazz five-piece for a weekend. one of the worst soundtracks i've ever heard. it was extremely distracting.

this is a heist movie that never really figured out how to effectively intercut actions its team is independently taking. there are also a lot of places where the cuts are very strange, especially in the final harbor scene flicking back and forth from the land crew to the boat crew. just felt very underbaked as a movie. i was frequently bored. not an effective comedy, action, or spy movie. just barely a coherent war movie, though not a very enjoyable one.

-

playing

the breath of the wild to genshin ripoff pipeline is pretty clear, esp in the legally-not-India nation with lots of legally-not-koroks. u get a bunch of chests and achievements if u find all 76, i finally sat down on friday with an hour-long walkthough video and found them all. every single four-leaf clover sigil is where one of these fuckers was. and to get to this point, i had to do a whole DIFFERENT quest chain with different collectibles to unlock some of the legally-not-koroks and also make room on my map to free up 76 markers. very annoying process. i fucking hate collectibles for the sake of collectibles and padding out gameplay. i could not imagine doing this if i were employed

-

making

cross stitch update.

i got this belt for the ren faire when my sister came down, finally got around to pulling it out of the freezer and cleaning it the other day, and it was what i can only call yucky-disgusting. an inordinate amount of scunge for a belt with very few signs of wear. it's impossible to photograph bc it's quite late and i did not think to take a before shot, but it straight up changed color. it is much lighter now

[kindred-spirit-93]

spooky stuff

howdy yall im back on my bs (biscuit soliloquy) and idk what im doing with my life any more. bold of me to assume that i ever did. in other news:

my latest hyperfixation so to speak is watching daz play through horror games lol i have no idea why its so entertaining but it is. the jumpscares be jumpscaring and i dont have to do any of the work to play so its a win win!

im currently sick to my stomach after watching one lol buuuuuuut i also have a new short story idea hehe!! is more comedic, and honestly seems to me more doable than the falcon & flower.

f&f really deserves better writing lol and ive been thinking how to make it a sensible length without cutting out too much lore that it gets watered down, but at the same time i cant afford the time or braincells to mentally write and im kinda stuck. so idk maybe ill work on chapters that eventually lead somehwere? ill get back to it as soon as my latest batch of braincells hatch 👍

--

til then lol this new idea is still halfbaked but it made me laugh so here yall go: broke uni student moves to be closer to campus. finds super cheap place to rent and its literally the perfect fit. knowing her luck all too well mc goes and checks the place out, bc surely theres something amiss.

nope! everything as far as her untrained eye can tell is normal and accurate to the advertising, its just that someone died there and lots of people werent comfortable with that. and its no problem for her so she takes it.

after a lil housewarming party consisting of her and her parents lol, some thrifted furniture and an unholy amount of rugs and blankets, mc begins to settle in and all that jazz. her marks are going up, shes sleeping better, its all great. until it isnt

weird stuff keep happening around the property and shes like oh. okay? and moves on. (unbothered queen. we stan)

quick detour; idk how well id be able to write considering this may be my first project, but it would be hilarious i think if shit got progressively weirder and more insane and shes like: *sips apple juice* welp. ive got a quiz tomorrow aint got time for this. or eh that kid had it coming or better yet: is that kite just suspended there? oh would you look at that it caught fire in mid air. cool. i honestly dont know which is funnier

boom the house is haunted. something, or rather someone, has been leaving her signs in the bathroom using the soap, moving around the plates and cutlery, ruining perfectly good upholstery (THAT WAS 73% OFF). its a huge invasion of her privacy and shes having none of it. also she doesnt believe in paranormal nonsense. this is more of an inconvenience to her than anything else. she yells at whatever the fuck is in her walls to show themselves before she contacts HOA >:(

with a pop a very pissed off ghost materialises muttering something about no need for escalations and that bitch gwennifer. she makes the ghost clean up the stuff they knocked over and what have u. and then shenanigans ensue i guess lol

--

this whole story started with me coming up with a scene where mc makes like direct eye contact with the ghost and plays ayat al kursi. it was significantly funnier in my head but the mental image stuck.

also just for kicks she throws (half assedly) some zamzam water at the ghost and it goes right through them. guys do you see my vision?

--

"i am here to make your life a living hell.

so not halal mode

one to match the gruesome horrors that lead to my demise...

brotha eugh

...so that my soul can finally be laid t- are you even listening to me??"

authubillah we have seen the evidence

"??????"

--

memes for the soul. ill get back to this maybe perhaps one day. goodnight its one am lol and i have a long day ahead of me tmrw :')

the post from the tags lol >:]

[pumpkinsy0]

Do u have headcanons about or what do you think about a 90s or 00s AU (maybe) where Curly Shepard is a punk and Ponyboy a goth or a babybat? ^_^ Like imagine purly but ponyboy tries to show his obsession for edgar allan poe and curly or the gang JUST DON'T GET IT 😭

wym anon that literally already IS purly🙄🙄

BUT YEA I DO HAVE HCS!!!! o(^-^)o

(for context who dont know, baby at is the name for like ppl who r newly goth basically, theyre just starting out listening to music n stuff like that)

•since curly is punk here and the whole idea of punks is essentially anti establishment and love individuality i will NOT make him make fun of pony for being goth, especially when hes a babybat hes just embracing himself

•also curly is curly i feel like hes a bit morbid himself and would be at the very least interested in edgar allen poe, so even if he wasnt punk he wouldnt make fun of pony for liking him, even if he does thats just bc hes being friendly and just does NOT like poetry

•ill place this in like, late 90s and early 2000s, so there is that huge thing against goths and punks for being ‘weird’ and against god or something along those lines

•curlys pretty used to being targeted for being different for his punk style and such while pony isnt exactly used to that so i imagine that hes more protective while ponys trying to figure himself out in that regard

•some bands pony would b interested in is evanescence, the cure, and siouxsie and the banshees, london after midnight, of course there IS more but these r like more so his favs

•how pony found out about gothic bands was like, a song was playing in darrys car radio and darry didnt rlly like it so he changed it but the song was already stuck in ponys head

•he brought it up to curly but pony was just like ‘idk maybe itll pass’, it in fact DID not pass and later they was just chillin in curlys car and the song came back on the radio and pony was like ‘neuron activated’

•curly was personally not rlly into the song, but hey, ponys happy so its whatever

•personally i imagine that pony doesnt have a gothic STYLE more so he has a love for gothic songs and literature, yknow what i mean??? but maybe he does borrow some clothes from curly thats more on the gothic side or thrifts some clothes

•other than edgar allen poe, he does like phantom of the opera, frankenstein, dracula, carmilla, dr jekyll and mr hyde, also he would like ruby gloom (thank my gf for this hc)

•his art style is kinda influenced by those media actually

•as for what type of goth he is i could mostly see him being like a geek goth, but he is interested in the looks of victorian goths and gothabilly goths

IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT PONY FOR TOO LONG NOW ON ABOUT CURLY

•tbh, not much to add for this guy, punk curly is literally just regular curly but more understanding of who he is and what he wants in the world yknow??

•think of curly but actually a lil more, idk thought provoking in his own curly way with a better understanding of the world

•MAY I INSERT MY HC OF CURLY HAVIN AN AFRO MOHAWK HERE🗣️🗣️

•he is from a haitian household tho and haitian moms especially tend to be more, religious and all that jazz, so while tim and angela get their ears yelled off for well being them, its especially happening to curly bc in his moms eyes hes “turning away from god” n what not being a “vagabon” as many haitian moms would put it

•he likes customizing his own clothes, he thrifts and gets a bunch of hand me downs so might as well make them look cooler

•hes a graffiti artist and hes acc pretty well known, everyone knows its him but they dont rlly say anything cause 1) hes curly shepard but 2) his work rlly isnt that bad actually

•i could totally see him liking green day and he does NOT like fall out boy but he does like a coulle of songs from them (much to his dismay

•hes picking up guitar (how he afforded it??? i payed for it lets just say that)

WHEN IT COMES TO THE GANG, they dont rlly get pony being goth, they support him of course, but they do tend to make fun of him a bit</33 but darry, soda, and johnny do try to understand him more, its rlly just two

ps anon my gf said she loves u for ur idea (shes goth, u got the goth stamp of approval)

[lost-in-interwebs]

NOT to be weird but i found your take on fallout 4 so interesting as someone who is also from MA. when i played thru it initially on release i was all jazzed about it for that exact reason, but over time/the years ive grown bitter about fo4 because i feel like it failed to capture the culture/charm of MA outside of some set dressing (even then, i felt like they often didnt capture the "look" of MA very well if that makes sense). ANWAY didnt mean to dump this as a weird confession, im genuinely curious to hear abt ur thoughts as someone also from MA who played through fo4 if u dont mind me asking.. what helped amplify the experience for you?

Oh my god I felt the same god damn way. Over the years the charm is gone. It's all set dressing. THEY DONT EVEN HAVE CLAM CHOWDER. There are no rabbits. Maine gets rabbits but we don't get rabbits???

For me, it was just personal memories. The Swan Pond was just devastating. As a child my mother took me out in the swan boats and I dropped my favorite Dumbo toy in the water and was bereft. The entire boat stopped to help me get it back before it was submerged in the deep. We have pictures of that day. Kilmore Square is really important to me because I used to go into the old Church on Newbury Street to work with a professional choir in the summer. And it also led to the Women's Mental Health facility I spent time at when I was suicidal. Seeing super mutants take over that familiar road and raiders sitting pretty in Hangman's Alley just broke my heart. That road is familiar. Malden Catholic was one of my school's rivals in basketball. Seeing the Boston Children's Science Museum empty and in a little building was infruriating. There is no Boston Aquarium. And I get it, even Emil jokes in the text that there just wasn't enough space to fit it all.... but no Make Way for Ducklings? No Blueberries for Sal moment in Far Harbor? Come on Emil, you lived here. Breath some fucking life and character into this place. We have the second largest Chinatown behind New York. My father used to buy me ceramic chopsticks and fans and silk pajamas. I loved Chinatown and it isnt there. I live near Salem so seeing the Witch museum was wild especially after living in my first apartment alone down the street from it. But it's all submerged. Beverly is gone. Salem is gone. There's nothing there. And that'd my home home that's the Northshore that's my home. And there's nothing...

Real tangible memories I can return to as I please but they are ruins in this game. It's so much easier for me to roleplay as a Pre War mother who grew up in Boston only to live to see it fall.

I had to ride the blue line, the one where you find Nick Valentine, for my first job interview. The game is haunted by ghosts to me. But it's my ghost. Also I had to contend with the fact that everyone I love would have been dead in 200 years. My mom, my sister, my cousins, aunts and uncles, friends, enemies. Only I remain to tell their stories. AND I WISH YOU COULD DO SOMETHING WITH THAT. That's tangible.

Fallout 4 is so close and yet so distant. I feel like in order to truly be there you have to be able to smell how bad that ocean water must smell. You gotta feel the slime on the rocks as you climb up out of the ocean. You need to feel the barnacles scrape against your knees. You gotta taste the salt of the water before it turns sweet on your tongue. But you can't get that in a video game. You have to live it.

Also the addiction... Addiction is so prevalent here in Mass. There's not a soul I don't know that wasn't effected by the opioid crisis. And they treated it soooooooo vaguely. It's empty. And the jab at AA and personal therapy was so.... mean spirited as an addict myself.

Also our entire fishing culture is just.... gone. No mention no game mechanic to do it. Save that all for Maine. Which is fucking bogus. Also the voices.... the voices and the accents. Some you can tell are acted. Some feel real enough. I wish they would got some fucking guys off the street to voice a few NPCs. ALSO LYNN???? You didn't do anything with "Lynn Lynn the city of sin you won't come out the way you came in"??? It's fucking perfect. There could have been something with that. Maybe something like Evergreen Mills but functional and cooler. idk these are such insane ramblings and if you can glean any answers from this take it.

[royalwilmon]

Get to Know Me Tag :)

thank you so so much for tagging me @skibasyndrome <3333333

do you make your bed?

almost never. like, when i wash my sheets, and then never again. cant be bothered!!!

what's your favourite number?

i dont really have one but ive been saying 36 for yearssss. from the glee days. iykyk

what is your job?

im a software tester!!

if you could go back to school, would you?

you couldn't pay me to

can you parallel park?

i mean. technically. i avoid it at all costs and if there is someone behind me witnessing me parallel park i will Fully Panic. but i can do it. mostly.

a job you had that would surprise people?

i worked at dunkin' donuts for three years. which isn't surprising, i live in new england. what does surprise people is when i talk about how much i genuinely loved that job and miss it Every Day

do you think aliens are real?

i guess i definitely think there are other life forms out there. hard to say what they'd be like, though

can you drive a manual car?

nah, i've never tried. don't have much of a reason to!

what's your guilty pleasure?

lmaooooo gut instinct is to say jimmy buffett. my spotify wrapped this year is going to be WILD

tattoos?

not yet! once i find an artist i trust, I'm going to get the comet chandelier

favorite color?

blue! i describe the shade as the darkest shade of blue the sky gets

favorite type of music?

my taste of music is absolutely all over the place, this is nearly an impossible question for me to answer. i have a lot of specific pockets of interest. i love anything that came out of laurel canyon -- really, a lot of 70s music i picked up from my dad. obviously i fuck with showtunes big time. and then lately i have a handful of artists im obsessed with that float somewhere in the indie/pop/jazz/folk world. like, so vague, i just cant say any sorta word that would sum it up. oh, also, omar?? seriously, i'm all over the place

do you like puzzles?

yeah! my sister loves them more than i do so i mostly only do them when I'm hanging out with her

any phobias?

birds!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate them!!!!!!!! im so afraid!!!!!!!!!!! so so so scared!!!!!

favorite childhood sport?

i played softball and basketball as a kid, but like. ehhhhhhhh.

do you talk to yourself?

oh, always. look, i work from home most of the time, and my roommates have very different schedules from mine so im home alone a LOT. i like to keep myself company. i am alwayssss chattering to myself. 100% of the time, just nonsense babble

what movies do you adore?

ohhhhh tricky question. i'll pretend im doing one of those letterboxd interviews and I'll give you my top four. fried green tomatoes (1991), camelot (1967), dirty dancing (1987), and everything everywhere all at once (2022)

coffee or tea?

coffee! like i said, i worked at dunks for three years. I'm one of those maniacs that drinks black coffee. i wish i liked tea, i really do, i just. dont

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

HAHA i don't know if it was the first but the story my mom always tells is how i wanted to be a cake decorator at Walmart. specifically walmart. she would encourage me to aim higher, like. 'why don't you be a cake decorator at the white house or something', but no. walmart. i was probably, like. five.

Onward tagging: idk!!!!!!!! im always late to these!!!!!! @goldenwilmon if you haven't done it yet??

[barnabyseyelashes]

crewmate’s log

life (?) update

been writing this for a while mentally i guess. really good at just thinking things and not doing them. but an update bc i know i’ve been absent; for some of you longer than others, and i do regret and am sorry for that. i do love and care about you and think about you all even when i am gone, and i hope everyone has been holding on. 

i feel like i’m one of the maquis adrift on the voyager, and it has been a long, lonely hard travel. and unfortunately often i feel like a worse person for it. 

general c/tw for illness/covid/cancer, IPV, parental death. it is kinda long so feel free to skim/skip as needed. 

my spouse and i have very little IRL support, we have been paying over $4k usd a month on rent alone, my mom and sister are the only family i’ve spoken to since december. spouse working full time in thankfully a better job with a shorter commute but having to care full time for me & our elderly ill cat when at home. 

and this is probably the sickest i’ve ever been in my life which is saying a lot, considering ive been poisoned by toxic black mold before & have dealt with literally crippling stomach issues previous. ever since november everything has been happening. i slept basically all december, i was too tired to be awake more than 3-5 hours at a time most days. i haven’t even been able to wash my hair or proper shower since. much of december and january i was unable to walk (and i mean literally dragging myself with my arms/using my moms walker as crutches unable to walk) which was a fun new exciting development. thankfully we started to live our current place by then, as our apartment is on the second floor with awful cinder stairs. though we still haven’t moved for real and are stuck paying for it until near may. soooo really uh not jazzed to find out how we will move in the next two months when i still have days i can’t walk. especially since again we basically have no IRL support. i’m doing better at least a little, i’ve started nutrient IV therapy again which is helping even if it’s extremely difficult (and expensive). my stomach is still so fucked up that i can barely eat. it’s so clenched all the time if i have more than like 3 crackers i will have Lead Weight and 6-10 hours of pain :) thank you cannabis literally without her i would not be eating at all. even still i’m belching like a beer hall competitor for hours most days it fucking sucks. the only real progress tho has been that at least i’ve been having a lot fewer panic attacks and less general anxiety now that we are living in our new spot which i’m very grateful for. kinda surprising bc usually if my stomach hurts i have anxiety and often panic so that at least has been a relief. the rest of my brain has been fucking trash garbage tho, nonverbal or partially verbal mostly. multiple meltdowns a week when b4 it was a biannual occurrence. no brain power, lots of autistic rage & ideation. just awful to be & inflict on everyone else. i am sorry for that. it is largely why i shut down at times. i simply fucking have to. 

obviously i’ve been too sick to really do anything but spouse and i are deep in our pokémon hole and it’s keeping us good company. lol despite the graphics scvi are pretty good games. writing? character development? in MY pokémon main series game? more likely than you think.. 

still it’s so bittersweet to be saying sayonara to satoshi shounen, ah ah ahhh i’m gonna cry so hard (already have). but i think the new series will be good. it will just be different. 

also i was blessed bc in the first 30 min of playing i caught a shiny mareep, one of my top 6 fave lines and one of my fave shinies. i only caught 1 in pogo and so i was so jazzed. she’s carried us 💖 my beloved deanna (like dddk, not tng) 

one of the things that’s also been good is our new living situation, even if its annoying and complicated sometimes to share with other people, i’m glad we are living with my literal oldest friend and the only person from high school i still talk to lol. we have a cottage, bigger than our old one, and even tho it doesn’t have a bathroom, the insulation & windows are shit, it’s been good. & it is under 2k a month, we got a small room in the main house now too so spouse has an office & we have some extra storage. but the best is having space to make a large, productive garden, and my friends 3 ducks and 3 chickens. skip the next part if you don’t wanna see my essay about them LMAO.  

and omg gay people, i’ll never not be raising poultry now. bird flu in domestic flock was finally detected in our county this winter, which makes me sweat a bit but fingers crossed we will be ok. my friends ex (who lived here b4 us) did most of the bird care. since i’ve been here tho it’s basically all been me, and of my choice. tricky when i have been sick but truthfully they take about 20 min a day of daily care, and maybe an hour a week of general maitenence. in early autumn when we got here, it was so easy to be outside for hours with them.. no one had ever been able to pet them before. my friend wasn’t even trusted enough to see the duckies swim in their pool while she was in the yard! nowadays the two nonskittish ducks are happy to pop in there even if i’m in the splash zone 🤣 i’m awful i do love the ducks best because they are sweet, simple creatures who know what’s good in life (treats, bodies of water, naps, frequent loud gay sex) while the chickens are a bit mean 😭 i still haven’t resolved the pecking order issues (the lowest chicken, emma [cream legbar], always beats up on the nervous duck, lydia [ancona]) but hopefully in summer i’ll be able to help shift that. kitty (brown khaki campbell) & jane (silver welsh harlequin) are very well trained to “cmere” and eat readily (jane, too readily..) from my hand. the dominant chickens, boss lady/lizzie (black ameraucana supposably) & eleanor (grey lace silverruds blå) will do the same but they aren’t quite as good at the recall lol. i’ve been reading on raising them all, working on gentling them, and enriching their lives.. i love it. they have really helped me, especially kitty. she is very special. she is the smallest but she lays the hugest fucking eggs, and since mid autum it’s been DAILY. like lord girl you gotta stop and moult eventually your feathers are so tatty. spouse has breakfast every day now though. i’m allergic to eggs so 😂 oh well. they’re great fun to raise regardless. (i’ve even recently gotten skittish lydia to eat worms from my hand, so i’ve officially touched them all!!) 

anyway i could talk about my beloved birds for fuckin ever obviously lol but i also wanna write about my family a bit too, bc so much has happened. tw covid , IPV , cancer 

i may have had covid in summer/early fall but my mom and sis got it for real, both of them in december/january. i don’t remember which. my mom got hers likely from the hospital cuz her ONCOLOGIST told her to get her mri there instead of the specialty mri clinic :) which is nice. my mom has lymphoma as well as several autoimmune diseases and pretty severe mental illness. she has been sick in and off since. she is sick rn & i am missing this weeks IV because of that. so shout out to california removing mask requirements in healthcare settings as of april 🤮👍 

my sister got hers from her shitty ex bf. that man supported her while she dealt with numerous health issues and surgeries in.. 2020..1? 21 i think. idk. maybe both. he supported her thru the hell that the last year was. up until last month when he fucking attacked her over a disagreement about a LITTER BOX. literally grabbed her , held her, and dumped dirty cat litter box over her head then destroyed the box with a huge chefs knife. bc that’s a really normal response. my sister had to call the cops. she’s gonna get a restraining order against him and his fucked up parents. but now she’s out she’s realized he had been abusing her verbally & emotionally like their whole relationship. 💔 i’m just so glad she fucking survived and he didn’t do worse, good god. she has been staying in our apartment most of the winter bc covid and now until she can get her own place so even tho we are hemmoraghing money on that shithole, at least it’s useful.. bc lol my moms husband literally told my sister “well in your bfs defense, any guy would react like that to a woman behaving like that” LIKE UM? NO?!??!? so she isn’t comfortable being there. spouse and i never felt safe around that man and it is a large reason we moved from my cottage at my moms to my dads place to begin with. so at least we have officially broken off any relationship to that trash man which is great but my mom won’t leave him so i have to just make my peace that disease will take her if he doesn’t someday. fun stuff. 

tw parental death

also cool and fun things happening lately is that this saturday it will have been a year since my fathers physical form drew breath. to say this last 15 or so months have sucked shit is the biggest understatement ever. my aunt currently has like two days to settle his estate; yes she still has a large proportion of my sister & my inheritance. no i haven’t seen or spoken to her since my grandpas funeral in september but i’m the “child of her heart” like ok. & my da had a reverse mortgage on our home of 20 years, and they forced us to sell it within a few months instead of the 12 legally we were allowed. that move was absolute hell. and i had to spend 8k on movers just for some of them to 1% ass it; they literally broke multiple peices of my dads ceramic artworks bc i tried and tried to get people to help me pack them but no one but my mom did. she couldn’t manage them all. it’s hard to forgive myself. it’s so fucking enourmous to bear the weight of knowing i have to be the one who cares for and maintaines his body of work, at least the bulk of it. god that fucker i’m still mad he gave away my favourite bowl to a goddamn woman he met at the pool LMFAO classic mike manoeuvre. one of his brothers took the fish vase i wanted too.. and the vase that matches the one he was throwing when my moms water broke with me. if it was steve i forgive you because my uncle steve also is dying of bladder cancer rn (da had multiple myeloma, diagnosed 2016) and i feel shit for not speaking with him for months but. illness. larry you’re on thin ice, hugh if it was you i’ll kill you myself 🔪  same for you mary especially cuz u actually knew i wanted that shit. 

dads bday was literally in january but did any one of those bitches text me? no. did any of his friends text me? no. tbf i can barely respond to texts but like still.. i feel bad i haven’t seen or called my grandma but also. illness! been nonverbal most days! so like 🥲 everyone else has their grief too i get it but lol to have everyone say “we will be there for you” and for literally no one to be seen its very hurtful. at least one of his friends text me to check in on me and my sister yday. but it really truly feels like no one gives a shit. and with my moms lack of health i’m having to prepare to be an orphan within 5 years.  

my sister bought a star for him months ago in some registry. i didn’t have the heart to tell her that it was near meaningless, these registries aren’t anything, no one can own these things. but on clear nights i still look off the leading edge of the plow into whatever near nothingness that faint light is coming from, adrift in emptiness. 

———

anyways that’s pretty much all from me. (is it enough LOL. happy saturn return with saturn in sideral aquarius. in my 1H too 😩) as i get better i will be getting back slowly into discord and shit, i’ve literally just been too exhausted and unable to function. some of yiz have known abt some of this, but mostly my main acct tweeps & tumblr muts haven’t, so i just figured i would write this, and maybe it would help me in some way. hopefully i’ll be back on tumblr soon too, i literally just can’t use it with our internet (and lack of) here lmfao. i’ll slowly be getting this out to my e-circles as i have energy in the next days. 

sending love to you all in pawsitivity discord; yuri horse club, gabriel, kurt & folks from tumblr; and all the rest of yiz. (i don’t mean to forget or omit anyone, honest). i hate that illness & shit has kept me from you. the last year has taught me well to value the time we have and it is not guaranteed. i love you all, i miss you, and i am wishing you well. i am hoping to reconnect soon. beannachtaí 💚💙💜 

[mnemosyne-musing]

Right person, wrong time (River/11)

The Doctor opens the TARDIS door and peers around him expectantly before frowning. How strange. He appears to be inside a very ordinary block of flats. He steps outside and looks around more closely. He sniffs the air. Earth. No. Not Earth. Something that was trying to simulate Earth but not quite.

He can’t hear anything in particular. There’s a buzz of conversation that he can hear coming from further down the hall but no shouts of distress or screams for help. He wanders up to the nearest door, peering closely at the small intercom before pressing the button.

He’s not quite sure what or who he expects to answer the door. But what he certainly isn’t expecting to see is a slightly grumpy looking River Song.

“River?”

“You’re late,” she announces, one hand on her hip as she stands in front of him in the doorway.

“Late?” he repeats indignantly, staring at her in amazement, “What do you mean, late?”

She rolls her eyes and turns to head back inside, clearly expecting him to follow. “You said you’d be here half an hour ago.”

“Did I?” he mumbles to himself as he steps inside, closing the door behind him. He follows her curiously as she wanders back into a small living room with a cosy kitchenette at the far end. It’s certainly not Stormcage. It feels like an Earth colony from around the 50thcentury, the tech on display is evidence enough of that. However, there are also books and texts scattered around the living room. There’s also some piles of clean laundry and a stray pair of River’s heels in the corner. There’s some artwork on the walls and a few pictures on one of the shelves.

In fact, the whole place has an almost studenty feel to it which really doesn’t make much sense at all. His gaze returns to River and he finally takes in what she’s wearing. Not the particularly revealing pair of figure-hugging shorts, which his mind certainly clocks and plans to return to contemplating very soon. No, what draws his attention now is the baggy, sweatshirt that comes almost down to the hem of said rather-short shorts. The one that says ‘Luna University’ in big red letters across the front.

“You’re a student!” he blurts out as River frowns at him, “Here! On Luna!”

“Of course I am,” she looks as confused as he feels, “Where else would I be?”

“And you live here!” he gestures wildly around him.

“Yes, you helped me move in here from those awful undergrad digs, remember,” she frowns at him as he turns back to look at her, “Why are you acting so strangely all of a sudden?” she asks, looking more closely at him, “Did you eat one of those weird peach things again?”

“Peach, what? No!” he gapes at her as he desperately tries to process what’s happening.

A look of realisation dawns on her face before turning, rather terrifyingly, to one of glee. “Oh! You’re not late. You’re young!”

He splutters at that. “No! I’m not young. You’re young!” And she is young. Now that he knows, he can see that she looks a few years younger than when he’d last seen her. He can’t quite tell exactly how old she is, he’s not brilliant at telling human ages after all, but she certainly doesn’t look like a young student to him.

Her eyes rake up and down him before returning to his face. “Do you even know who I am yet?”

“Of course I do,” he lies as she lifts one eyebrow in surprise, “You’re River Song. Chief purveyor of trouble in half the universe.”

River lets out what could only be described as a squeal of delight. “Oh my god, you don’t know yet!”

“Well, how do you know who I am?” he retorts with a huff.

“It doesn’t work like that,” she scoffs with a toss of her head, “I’ve always known who you are,” he opens his mouth to protest but she simply fixes him with an absolutely wicked look and shakes her head, “Sorry, Doctor, spoilers!”

He glares at her but she simply leans forward and grins at him, her eyes wide with excitement. “I’ve never seen you this young before. And I have been waiting so long to say that to you!”

He can’t think of anything to say to that so he settles for shooting a final glare at her and then turning away to leaf idly through some of the books on the table.

“Why are you here anyway?” River asks curiously, watching as he drops a large archaeology textbook back down with a look of disgust.

The Doctor shrugs. “Dunno. Wasn’t aiming for here,” he picks up a scroll of parchment and brings it up to his face, sniffing it tentatively, “Amy and Rory are on their honeymoon. Thought I’d pop over to the waterfalls on Epsilon IV. Ended up here instead.”

She moves over and plucks the scroll of parchment out of his hands before he can subtly lick it. “Oh,” she turns around to put the scroll out of his reach, “So you didn’t mean to come here?”

He still doesn’t know River that well but he can tell that she’s trying to sound casual and unconcerned. It doesn’t fool him though and the tension in the set of her shoulders is a giveaway even though he can’t see her face. He hesitates for a moment. There’s a part of him that’s longing to run back to the safety of the TARDIS. Away from this terrifyingly young River Song and the way she looks at him.

However, there’s a note of uncertainty in her voice that he’s never heard from her before and it’s that that makes him pluck up his courage and ask her. “You said I was late? Late for what?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she says dismissively, too quickly almost, “Just a drinks thing in the archaeology department.”

“What kind of drinks thing?” he presses, watching her as she fidgets with a glass on the counter and avoids his gaze.

She shakes her head. “It’s just this drinks reception for new doctoral students and their, umm, their partners,” she says, rushing over the last bit very quickly, her eyes darting up to his to gauge his reaction and then away again, “But, it’s fine,” she continues breezily, “We can do something else. Or you can go if you want. Or-“

River trails off, her feigned nonchalance undermined as she still fidgets with the glass in front of her. He takes a deep breath and straightens his jacket lapels.

“You’re trying to steer me away from a party, River Song!” he exclaims, “I never thought I’d see the day!”

“Are you sure?” she looks up at him and if he wasn’t convinced before then the grateful look she shoots at him now is certainly enough to reassure him.

He claps his hands enthusiastically. “Of course! Lead the way!” he falters suddenly, his eyes falling to the rather scandalously short hem of her shorts, “Are you- are you going to go like that?” he asks, his voice coming out an octave or so higher than he had anticipated.

“Why? What’s wrong with this?” she asks, her face a picture of innocence but for the smirk playing around her lips.

He gulps and gestures vaguely at her legs. “Maybe something a bit less- I mean, more. Definitely more fabric.”

“Ooh, so strict for one so young!” she outright smirks at him before turning around and wandering across the room into where he assumes is her bedroom. If the extra sway in her hips accentuates her arse in those shorts then he definitely definitely doesn’t pay particular attention to it as she leaves the room.

Several hours later they are in one of the quieter bars on Luna, away from the student crowds. River had indeed changed outfit and is now wearing a rather fetching dark red cocktail dress. They are sat side by side at the bar, perched on high stools. A future version of him has clearly been here before as the barman handed him a menu for the milkshakes instead of the cocktail menu as soon as they sat down. So, here he is, sat enjoying a triple chocolate milkshake while a very young River sips her gin martini and brushes her knee against his from time to time.

The archaeology drinks party had been- Well, he still hesitates to use the word fun where archaeology is involved although he’s rapidly coming to the realisation that anything involving River Song could probably be fun. He glances covertly at her over the top of his milkshake. She’s humming along absent-mindedly to song that’s playing in the background. He recognises it as an old 20th century jazz song.

This younger River Song is definitely different to the one he knows. He’s only met her a couple of times in this body; the adventure in the Byzantium and then all that business with the Pandorica and the universe collapsing and restarting. She’s still the same flirty, confident, charming woman he knows but there’s an openness, he hesitates to call it a vulnerability, about her this young that he hasn’t seen before.

He’s suddenly gripped by a feeling of regret and self-loathing that it wasn’t the version of him she knows that showed up today. That she had to make do with an early version that barely knows her instead.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out, as River turns towards him questioningly, “I’m sorry I’m not your- that I’m not the right person, the right me, the one that-, that knows you.”

She stares at him for a moment, gazing at his face searchingly before a soft smile curls her lips. “You’re always the right person, Doctor,” she says and he feels a warmth blooming through his chest at her words, “Even if your timing’s a bit off occasionally,” she adds with a grin as she leans in to steal a sip of his milkshake.

He feigns a gasp of outrage and swipes the glass back from her but, as they sit and gently bicker about the best flavour milkshake, the thought crosses his mind that maybe his timing isn’t actually that bad after all.

[ratherbefangirling]

hiya! May I get a BTS ship? please and thank you! my personality type of INJTA-A and I'm a Gemini! Year of the Tiger!

Little about me, I am 5'3, green eyes and a brunette. I am actually colored blind, with my blues greens and purples, so I 100% think my eyes are blue. But Ive argued with the eye doctor before, and they've said they are "most definitely green". I am rather opinionated and confrontational, I am not scared nor shy away from standing up for someone. Ill speak my mind when it's appropriate, I've learned that sometimes it's just best to save your breath and your words. I love older music, 20s 30s all that jazz, and even jazz it's self along with other genres. Im not much of a TV shows kind of person, I sometimes watch some shows on HULU, but I'd rather be outside doing something visiting new places. I have taken painting as a hobbie, I love to go on trails and LOVE TOO COOK MORE THEN ANYTHING. Plus I like to take photos. Am also a huge sarcastic dick, that it has gotten me in trouble at times. And sometimes I don't even realize I'm being a said dick, I am rather honest and blunt. I'd rather someone get an honest opinion that comes from myself, from a good place then from someone that wants to do harm an be a bully. Cuz sometimes it's not best to sugar coat things, cuz then how are you supposed to grow?

I'm an extrovert but sometimes need to stay in to charge but not always. I'm rather loud at times, and am not afraid to dance in public if I see others dancing or shout compliments across the street if I like someone hair color, clothing etc. Or even just go play on the playground or just have some fun regardless of what others think.

The oldest of 4 kids, so I have a mothering side to me with others that are younger then I or even older. I'd use to skip school and steal food or other necessities for my siblings. I really did put their own needs before my own. So I really took the roll of the second parent, and sometimes it makes it difficult to find others that relate to such a thing.

Though I am rather hard on the outside, I am very much soft (though it doesn't come out often) on the inside. I can be rather quiet, and reserved, I'm rather nice and people have told me I'm great with conversation and a great listener. I'd be the first to approach someone if they look uncomfortable or are shy at a large event, but I'd be the LAST to do karaoke.

I do have four pets, three rescues beside one that I did buy. I love nature, and I work a lot to be able to provide for my pets. Can't have them with no toys or treats or not looking their best. Same with my siblings, I buy them a lot of things, and make sure they have what they need.

I'm sorry this was so long! But thank you and have a great day!

Hey @animesllut666,

You sounded wonderful, manifesting a great week for you.

The person I ship you with is Jungkook.

Magic, wasn't a word foreign to you any longer born in the slums picked up by a passing magician who could sense great levels of mana* in you when you tried to steal from them. In your defence you belonged to a not so well to do family and tried to save your lunch money by stealing any food you could find or going hungry.

Now as a high level witch working in the government things were different. You could cook all the food in the world. Buy all the original Music instead of replayed discardes pirated ones. Not only could you provide for your family, you also were a proud owner of your pets who you spoiled to your hearts content.

You were enjoying your normal day off when you recieved the summons. Jin was at the hospital. Jin or Kim Seokjin was your benefactor, the magician who you had stole from who had later become your guarantee.

You rush to the healers tower. You find Jungkook there, your arch rival and his guarantor Namjoon who was Jin's close friend.

"What happened?" You ask.

"He overworked himself to a near mana deficit."

You gasp. Mana deficit could have killed a wizard of lesser calibre. But Jin was no lesser wizard infact he belonged to the division called bull proof knights. <pls don't kill me>

"Does anyone have a mana reserve that we can provide Mage Jin." The healer asks.

Jungkook volunteers. You have always been envious about his high level of mana... among other things.

You and Jungkook had come around the same time. Always competing. You remembered the wide innocent looking doe eyes and introverted boy. Over the years he had become an a prankster and a tease. You remembered the day you had completely removed him from your life. The day he was taken as a member of bps. How him and Jin grew closer almost like brothers.

Jungkook can barely stand as he comes back the healer advises bed rest. It's decided Namjoon would stay with Jin and you'd drop Jungkook home.

"Cant" He whimpers and collapses without giving you his address. With no other choice you take him home.

Jungkook inhales the scents of delicious food. Licking on his face wakes him up and he finds himself with your furry buddy.

"Ah, you're awake would you like something to eat?" You ask.

He nods you set the table for the two of you. You've prepared porridge for him and a hearty lunch for yourself(to treat yourself for facing such a difficult situation nicely).

While you think he'll leave he decides to stay over you're secretly glad you don't have to stay alone with your thoughts that will drive yourself crazy with worry.

You both sit and work on your documents at the dining table. At night you sit under the stars sharing hot chocolate.

"I kinda hate you." You confess.

"'I know."

"Who even says that?"

"You don't hate me you hate loosing to me."

"I guess that's true."

The night passes and things get better. In a few days Jin is well enough to work. Life is back to normal. Except you're kind of in love with Jungkook and he's in love with you and you're kind of crazy for each other and it's just like magic.

Mana - magic level indicating aura

[mystyrust]

Fracture - Ectober 2020

Day 2 Prompt: Bones / Pulse  

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27203635

Word Count:  2387

Tags: Past torture, identity reveal

There were many ways Maddie liked to spend her weekend. When her kids were younger, she and Jack would take them out to museums or parks – a family outing. Now that her kids are in high school and have a lot of homework, they don’t go out every weekend anymore. In fact, it feels like they haven’t had time to bond as a family in months. Jazz is always in the library and Danny is always with his friends – sometimes even sleeping over – or catching up on missed homework. Maddie could never figure out why Danny had a backlog of homework to catch up on, yet always had time to hang out with Sam and Tucker.

Now, with her kids spending all their free time by themselves, Maddie liked to spend her free time in her lab, creating and improving her inventions to catch the elusive ghost Phantom. It had been around the time that Phantom appeared that Danny and Jazz became more distant – while both her children were in support of the ghost vigilante, Maddie and Jack were against it, devoting their free time into solving the mystery of what made Phantom different from every other ghost that haunted Amity Park. They wanted to catch it, run experiments with it, and dissect it.

So this weekend was like any other – Maddie was huddled in her lab with Jack, working out the schematics of a new invention – when their Fenton Ghost Detector beeped; a strong ecto-signature was detected inside the Fenton household. This was normal if the ghost came out of the Fenton portal – this signature came from… the living room. Maddie and Jack ran up to find Phantom having stumbled through the front door, leaking ectoplasm behind it.

“What do you think you’re doing here, spook?!” Jack raised his ecto gun at the intruder, his large frame standing in between Maddie and the ghost. But Phantom was in no shape to fight.

“I… I need help,” The ghost managed to gasp out. Maddie paused in confusion. The ghost had tears streaming down its face, heavy breathing, and ectoplasm leaking down one limp arm. It’s mimicking of human physiology was fascinating. And to come to ghost hunters for help? Either this was a trap, or it wasn’t thinking straight.

“The..guys in…white… barely got away from them,” Phantom continued to explain. Maddie noticed him sway where he stood. And that was the weird part – he stood. Not floated. And he had legs, instead of a spectral tail.

“Please, before they… finish me… like they did…”

Jack lowered his ecto gun ever so slightly – not lowering his guard, but still confused about what to do. It was odd, seeing the always confident Phantom reduced to pleading and begging its former enemies. Something in his psyche was so shattered from his experience with the GIW…

Maddie didn’t know what to make of that, but she couldn’t waste a perfectly good opportunity when it knocked phased right through her front door.

“Let’s… let’s stabilize him for now,” Maddie said, lowering Jack’s aim. “Then we can ask him what happened. And decide what to do after that,”

Jack nodded in agreement. He gingerly placed his ectogun down, approaching Phantom with both is hands up and in front.

“We’ll help you, spook,” Jack spoke loud and purposefully. “But we’ll need to take you down to the lab to do that,” Phantom nodded slightly, and Jack took that as permission to walk up to the ghost. Phantom was… he wasn’t heavy but Jack wasn’t expecting the ghost to be as solid and corporeal as he was. He lifted the ghost in his arms, and followed Maddie down to the basement.

The ghost offered little resistance, but he was breathing heavily, and leaking a concerning amount of ectoplasm from his limp arm and one of his legs. It must be difficult to keep up the charade of struggling to breathe, when he’s lost as much ectoplasm as he has, Maddie thinks.

They place him on an examination table, with Maddie grabbing a scanner and running it over his damaged arm.

“Jack…” Her voice shuddered, “His arm is… it’s fractured.”

“What? That makes no sense, he doesn’t even have…bones…” but the scanner showed Jack exactly that.

There were a million and one questions that ghosted Maddie’s lips: How did you get bones? Do other ghosts also have bones? Where do the bones in your body go when you form a spectral tail? Are your bones made of calcium, just like human bodies? But the words that left her mouth were:

“You have bones?”

All her years of academic study, her dual MD/PhD, wasted on a Captain Obvious™ moment.

“Yeah, no duh,” Phantom cracked an eye open, while the rest of his face continued to grimace. “And it hurts…like hell…” There was that snarky teenaged attitude the Fentons were so familiar with.

“How do we even treat this?” Jack asked. One of Phantom’s legs was badly muddled – peeling the suit back revealed deep and numerous gashes. He was losing ounces of ectoplasm a second, and if these injuries were on a human, he’d need blood transfusion and stitches.

“Well, we can supplement ectoplasm to help his healing factor. And then…” Maddie gulped. “Stitch the leg. And set the arm.”

Maddie went to the back of the lab, returning with a set of tools. Scalpels, needles, and bandages. The glint of the metal must have caught Phantom’s eyes – how was he still conscious? A human with this much blood loss would not be awake right now – and the ghost started hyperventilating.

“What are you –? No, please! Please don’t! I wasn’t ��� !”

“Phantom! We’re helping you!” Jack yelled back. Phantom stared at Jack, eyes fogging over and breathing uneven.

“I’m sorry I never…I should have told you sooner,” Phantom cried. It was an ugly cry, from a body and heart in pain. Maddie didn’t know what else to call it. What kind of guilt could be eating Phantom alive, from the inside?

“I can’t –” Phantom grunted. “I can’t change back! I’m sorry, I’m sorry I should have –”

“How about we help you first, then you tell us what you should have told us when your arm and leg are better?”

Phantom, still sniffling, nodded silently.

Maddie set to work with putting stitches on his leg, while Jack hooked an IV of purified ectoplasm. She looped phase proof thread – from Jack’s Fenton Fishing Pole – onto a surgical needle, and set to work, closing one of the many wounds. Since the wound was deep, Maddie needed to stitch the inner layers first, before sewing the outer layers shut. She was marveled at the level of detail in this ghosts’ body – maybe she could ask him about that when he was healed up.

It was strange that only one leg was injured, while the other leg looked fine. It was stranger how Phantom’s breathing and crying hitched every time her needle pierced his flesh.

“Phantom, can you –? Can you feel the needle as I –?”

“Mhmm,” Phantom managed to grunt, tears freely flowing from his eyes. “Please hurry, Mom.”

Maddie froze in her tracks. Why did he even –? Okay calm down.

He can feel pain. He can display emotion. He can appear delusional with loss of bodily fluids. And in that delusion, he seeks a parental figure.

He has the psyche of a child, her rational mind concludes. So she’ll play that part.

“Almost,…Almost done, sweetie.” Maddie responds hesitantly. “You’re doing great.”

As for the feeling pain part, she isn’t how drugs can affect a ghost – and she can’t take a chance that Phantom will react badly to some experimental medication they use on him. She can only hope that he passes out at some point, and doesn’t feel any pain for the remainder of the procedure. From watching previous footage of his battles in chronological order, Maddie had concluded that Phantom has a fast healing factor. She can only hope that healing factor is still fast. He’ll be fine.

Funny how in the course of an hour, she stopped thinking of Phantom from an “it” and started to think of Phantom as a “he”

It took thirty more minutes of verbal coaxing and soothing for Maddie to finish stitching Phantom’s leg. He promptly passed out when that was done. While Phantom was asleep, Jack finished bandaging the arm, adding a splint to keep it straight.

Finally, with ghostly patient asleep and treated, Maddie and Jack sat down, exhausted.

“Well, I never thought – ” Jack paused, unsure how to word it. They learned more about Phantom’s physiology today than ever before, and he broke every known convention about ghosts that they’d researched thus far. Not to mention a ghost turning to a ghost hunter for help.

“I want to take a sample of his ectoplasm while we can,” Maddie said. “But he might not have enough to spare. And I have a feeling that we’ll get more questions than answers under the microscope, too.”

“You’re right,” Jack agreed. “I wonder what he went through, for him to be as injured as he was and decide to come to us, of all people. Heh, Danny and Jazz would freak.”

“Well, Danny’s sleeping over at Sam’s again, and Jazz was tutoring someone else this weekend.” Maddie mused. “It wouldn’t surprise me if Phantom stayed here for a few days without them even knowing.” It hurt her to know how detached her children had become from her, and it hurt her to know that her assessment of the situation was objectively correct – Jazz and Danny were rarely home.

“Well, he mentioned the guys in white,” Jack said. “If they are the ones who did this to him, and we protect him from those guys, we can earn his trust. And then maybe he’ll let his guard down enough for us to …at least solve the mystery of what he is.”

The two scientists stare at the sleeping form of Phantom, noticing how even in a seemingly unconscious state, his chest rises and falls with each breath.

“With his consent, I suppose,” Jack added.

_

A few hours later, in the middle of dinner, Maddie and Jack are interrupted to rude knocking from their front door.

“Ugh, not another door to door salesman,” Jack grunted. Answering the door revealed that their rude guests were none other than

“GIW,” an agent dressed in white answered, holding up an identification badge. There were two agents, both equipped with ecto guns and headphones, Maddie noted.

“Yes, we can see that,” Jack responded, keeping the shock out of his face. “If you wanted to come over for dinner, you should have called earlier. We don’t have leftovers.”

“We came to inform you that Phantom has escaped our captivity,”

“We didn’t even know you had Phantom in captivity,” Jack raised his brows in surprise.

“Just a few hours of questioning. We underestimated his abilities, and his allies.” The agent continued. “We’ll need extra weapons, the latest of whatever you’ve developed.”

“Well, we don’t have anything, since we gave you everything we made last time,” Maddie interjected. “So we don’t have anything complete yet. And besides, wouldn’t it have been faster for you to send an email or announcement that Phantom escaped? You must have lost a lot of time driving around to come tell us in person.”

“You never know who could be listening.”

“And besides,” the agent in the back added, “There was a chase. We don’t know where he disappeared to, but we suspect he stopped by here.”

“And why do you think he stopped by here?” Jack was very good at keeping the caution out of his voice, Maddie noted. If it were her, their cover would have probably been blown by now.

“Isn’t it weird for a ghost to hide out at a ghost hunter’s house?”

“True, but the same ghost uses technology he stole from a ghost hunter, and he can go into the ghost zone from the portal in your basement,” This was nothing new to Maddie. In fact, it annoyed her that Phantom used Fenton tech, because it meant he somehow evaded ghost detectors in their home to acquire it, or it was handed to him directly by Danny or Jazz. That last one hurt the most; she couldn’t bear the thought of her children going behind her back to support someone who was the very antithesis of everything they stood for.

Or, someone who used to be that. Maddie isn’t sure how she feels about Phantom now, but at the very least, she doesn’t want to hurt him anymore.

“Well, we’ve been home all day, and our equipment didn’t detect anything. But if we find anything new, we’ll call.” Jack told the two agents.

“Alright, stay on alert!” The first agent said, before leaving. Jack closed the front door, and the two waited until they saw the agents sit in their vehicle and drive off, before moving from their spot. Thank goodness they didn’t come inside or into the lab; the lab’s high ectoplasmic content could somewhat mask Phantom’s signature, and could be explained as a false positive on ghost detecting radars, but they wouldn’t be able to hide an unconscious ghost – an unconscious ghost! How wild is that?! – if the agents wound up downstairs.

Maddie breathed a sigh of relief.

“It’s been a few hours, let’s check on him”

Maddie and Jack headed downstairs to their lab. Just as they had left him, Phantom was sleeping on the examination table, hooked to an IV of ectoplasm. The fracture on his arm looked like it would heal completely – the naturally cool body temperature of the ghost helped, along with his quick healing factor. His leg looked significantly better, though Maddie wasn’t sure if the stitches would leave behind scars.

Maddie pulled a notebook from the work table, adding and updating her notes with everything they’d learned about Phantom today.

“Can ghosts get scars?” Maddie mused out loud. “Or is it unique to him?”

“I dunno, I guess we’ll have to ask –”

Their conversation is interrupted by a groan – Phantom was waking up – followed by a flash of bright white light. The Fentons covered their eyes, and when the light died down, they’re met with even more questions than answers.

“Danny?!”

[cherryonigiri]

the retrospective: alice’s 1k special || lover masterlist

matchup requests: CLOSED

Anon asked: Howdy! Could I possibly have a matchup! Im an ENTP slytherin. My personality is all over the place. Ive got an intimidating aura initially but im welcoming and have a baby face. Im outgoing but observant of other people. I’m loyal and nurturing towards my friends but kinda chaotic (my friends call me the uncle friend lol). I play piano and bass, and im always picking up new hobbies (right now im learning japanese, coding, and embroidery). My style is minimalist but trendy. Im a big coffee girl. 

A/N: omg hi anon!!!! Wow I love how you’re always learning new things - that’s so cool cause I play the piano and my brother plays the bass oooo anyways enjoy your matchup <3

Your matchup is: Kuroo Tetsurou

How you met: I feel like you met at a Japanese conversation round table/club - or some kind of space where people who are learning Japanese can practice conversational Japanese with fluent or native speakers (my uni has one of these round tables for a lot of different languages and it’s super cool!) You were paired up with Kuroo, and he makes a great conversation partner. He’s really impressed that you were so dedicated to learning Japanese and he finds all your different hobbies. He also teaches you other words outside of the standard vocabulary - think online terms/slang and funny puns/jokes. He also sometimes shows up with two iced coffees so both of you can enjoy a nice caffeinated beverage while practicing conversation. 

Your first date: Since the point of the round table is also to meet new people, you and Kuroo both get paired up with new partners after a few months. However, he still always manages to converse (*cough cough* flirt) with you for a few minutes before your partners arrive. One day, after the club meeting ends, he lingerss around, waiting for you to finish saying goodbye to your conversation buddy. He taps you on the shoulder as you leave the room “Hey, can we talk?” You’re a bit confused at first, because he’s definitely a bit flustered and rubbing the back of his neck and totally avoiding eye contact. “Do you want to go on a date with me?” - he kinda mumbles it all out so it takes a moment for you to understand what he asked - but you smile and say “Sure!” He kind of flounders a bit because he did not plan for what to do after you said yes. You end up suggesting the two of you grab dinner at a diner down the street from the building you’re currently in. It’s a really nice date filled with witty conversation + you two continue chatting while he walks you home.

Your first kiss: regular dinner dates after the round table become the norm, but occasionally the two of you go on dates on weekends - maybe going to different museums, festivals, or hiking! Your first kiss happens when you go swimming with Kuroo - there’s a really nice secluded lake near where you two live so you decide to hike up to the lake and swim for a few hours. It’s really peaceful - the water is clear and soothing with the summer heat - and the two of you enjoy a nice picnic on the shore. I’m thinking that the sun is starting to set so the two of you pack your things and right before you start hiking down Kuroo just casually pecks you on the lips and then the two of you hold hands while walking down the trail and it’s just content vibes as you drive back to the city.

Anniversary: Kuroo is the type to go all out for an anniversary. I feel like he’ll plan the day at least a few weeks (if not a month or two) in advance! He knows you play piano and bass, so he decided that buying tickets to a jazz night seemed like a great way to spend your anniversary. I think he plants little surprises throughout your day - he has flowers delivered to you at work, he shows up to surprise you during your lunch break, when you get home he has a couple spa day all set up in the living room and the two of you pamper yourselves + eat a nice homecooked dinner before dressing up and heading to the theatre where the jazz night is. Totally takes a ton of pictures so he can remember the night and he makes a little polaroid album he gives to you the week after. 

How they propose: At the airport - since Kuroo travels a lot, you often pick him up at the airport whenever he comes back from weeks of travelling around Japan to promote volleyball/encourage more people to play his favorite sport. He’s been planning to propose to you for a while, and there’s a specific jeweller that one of his colleagues recommends because they do really great custom/comissioned rings. Thankfully the jeweler is located in one of the cities he’s stopping over in, so he picks up the ring a few days before he heads home. You usually drive to the airport to pick him up, and while you're busy arranging his bags in the trunk he pulls the ring out and kneels with the box open. So yeah, it’s like 11 PM in a concrete parking lot but it’s honestly the most romantic thing and he says “be my home forever?” and that’s when you start crying. 

What your wedding looks like: Medium/large depending on how many people you invite. You’re both super caring + friendly (and Kuroo basically knows the entire V-league courtesy of high school + his job) so there are so many people you want to include during your special day! I have a feeling he might get married closer to his hometown since he’d like to invite Coach Nekomata + a bunch of people from Nekoma and his family is still there. Definitely a really beautiful summer wedding with an outdoor ceremony + reception. Lots of flowers - on the tables, at the ends of the pews/chair, a flower arch above the altar. I also feel like, just because it’s one of his favorite foods - Kuroo would makes sure that grilled fish is somewhere on the menu (also to spite Yaku) 

Newlywed/domestic hc: You and Kuroo leave each other little post-it love letters on the fridge/table/counter in your apartment. Both of you have blossoming careers and are busy professionals, but it’s always nice to wake up to see a nice Japanese breakfast (steaming rice, grilled fish, miso soup, tamagoyaki) with a small note tacked on the side and of course Kuroo’s doodle of himself as a cat. Sometimes it’s a science pun, other times it’s his three favorite things about you. You like recommending him songs that remind you of your relationship + doodling random things. Also you two are both saps and boty of you have hidden boxes in your bedroom where you keep all the notes the other leaves for you

[pbandjesse]

I have been exhausted all day. But for whatever reason I got a burst of energy like 2 hours ago and Ive been cleaning in the studio since then. I am trying really hard to get rid of some stuff. And I am excited that I have an entire box of things to donate now. Very proud of myself. 

But today was weird. I slept okay but I had some really intense dreams. I woke up around 930 and was alright but also. Not. I was just not great all day. 

I got washed and dressed and had a bagel. I got right to work on my styling. Spent about 2 hours doing that. James would get home while I was doing that work. It is an interesting job for the most part. The big issue is really the amount of options for specific things. Specifically vegan and larger sizes. Like one of the people I was styling today only had 13 options total! And they didnt want yellow or red so that took like 4 of those away. So its a challenge but I hope I did a good job and they are happy. 

Once I was done that I took my sleepy self to the couch to sit with James. They would eventually make us lunch. And I enjoyed my little flat bread pizza a lot. But I was just kind of feeling weird about food all day. So that was hard. I was like searching for the food that would wake me up but I never found it. 

I did not nap. But I did lay in the studio. Watched videos. Dad called and we made a plan about getting a good deal on the car. We went through the build on the website together so he could see what we wanted and stuff. So that was fun. And he helped me and James figure out who we needed to email. Very helpful. And I am excited that I have some direction at least now. 

I spent a lot of time just laying around today though. James would go for a bike ride and I would play video games. And then when James got home and was making us dinner we saw that there was a jazz concert in the park so we got to enjoy the music from our place. I hung out on the fire escape a little and watched them play music and it was just really beautiful. 

Around 730 I jumped into organizing and getting rid of. There wasnt a lot I wanted to get rid of in the living room. But I did a lot in the studio. GIt rud of just some clutter but also went through some of the boxes of stuff I have on the shelves. I also took all the recycling Ive been saving for camp out of the closet and once James was done talking on the phone with their friend, they would join me in organzing and putting all of the camp stuff in our wagon, while I sorted the closet a bit more. Which has so much extra space now and I am really pleased. 

It feels good in here. I still want to keep working on getting rid of, but progress has been made! 

I was surprised by how late it got. So now I am ready to take a shower and get in bed. I hope tomorrow is nice. And I get a lot done. Sleep well everyone! Goodnight! 

[bigskydreaming]

Thank you again and still for all the help and support! I really truly can not imagine making it through the past couple days without it, considering I spent most of it awake and in the bathroom puking from the constant migraines that come with your head not being happy about its bones not being in the right place. Stress aggravates them, or at least my awareness of them, and because of how little work there is currently and how expensive being broke and disabled in LA is, let’s just say, there’s been stress, lol.

I’m feeling a bit better today, or at least I’m making myself pretend that and act like that since I’ve got another appointment at that clinic where I get my juicy and tasty IV bags of nutrients pumped into me since I barely even CAN eat, physically, which combined with the lack of sleep and the nausea, like, also not a great combination.

So, I mean it when I say your donations and support have absolutely been invaluable, everything from a couple dollars to an anonymous message, like, its all amazing and appreciated and invaluable. Yeah. I already said that, whoops, anyway, BUT I DIGRESS.

That’s about all of an update I have there, lol, so in other news, I should be around more today since like I said, I’m feeling a bit better and have possibly plateau-ed on this latest pain level. (My super-annoying superpower....ever since I was a kid I’ve been able to adapt to increases in pain like a pro. As in, being able to manage/function despite it. Course, I still feel it, but give me a day or two to adjust to a new norm in how much my body hates me currently, and then I can power through).

So, like I said, I should be around more today, and I’ll probably be random as hell. Like I’ve mentioned before, my blog is where I spew literally everything from inane thoughts to fandom feels, since its like.....my only social outlet these past couple years and the only way I get to interact with people who aren’t doctors. Expect no pattern in topics until I find whatever sticks and keeps me focused on it enough to serve as a distraction from, y’know, the broke body and broke bank account.

SO! Absolutely feel free to hit me up about anything and everything. ESPECIALLY if you’ve made a donation or sent me something. Like, I know some people who have sent money don’t even follow me or know me at all and are just generous spirits who saw my post somewhere, but for any of you who have sent any kind of support just cuz you like, like me and my rambles, lol, totally feel free to drop into my messages even on anon and say what kind of posts or content from me you really engage with and would love to see more of. I can’t make any promises or guarantees, unfortunately, given I didn’t expect or plan on crashing so hard these last couple days, bleh, and just....literally, like, writing more of the kind of stuff or posts people who have helped me stay alive is pretty much the only way I have of kinda giving at least something back, so I mean, I am happy to pounce on anything in that direction. 

Again, just can’t make any guarantees given how unpredictable my life is and depending on how many people send requests or prompts or messages, etc, but I don’t delete anything of that nature and I usually get back around to stuff EVENTUALLY. For instance, I’m REALLY hoping to finish up two one-shots today, one that’s focused on Duke, Dick and Cass from that prompt you sent me a couple weeks ago, @zee-gee, and the other uh.....that umm, TW/X-Men fusion you commissioned way longer ago than my pride will allow me to admit in public @camelotpark, lol. And like, those posts you see me making to @russianspacegeckosexparty about the changelings project I talk about a lot, like.....Adam basically just sends me random thoughts and prompts about it all the time, and its like a running thread that’s easy for me to pick back up and sink into whenever I see a new one in my inbox and I’ve got enough spoons at the moment to dig in.

Also have a couple other things I want to respond to today while I have the energy and a destined-to-be-longer-than-it-needs-to-be meta about Dick’s positioning in narratives with various other characters and WHY I think it so usually works out that way, and I’m aiming to keep that more like....musing-esque than rant-errific, but uh, let’s see how that actually goes, lmfao.

Anyway, that’s what I have in mind for today, aside from my going to get my IV buffet at ten and emailing and calling people from listings about rooms to rent, but tbh, I might just end up being even more random and sporadic than usual, if I can’t focus on any of those long enough to stay sufficiently distracted today. (Like, my other annoying superpower as long-time followers have heard before, is my ridiculously fast metabolism. I know, “oh no, I’m so skinny, poor me,” but like....its never been about weight gain or loss for me, its about how fast my body processes various medications, meaning pretty much every painkiller I’ve ever tried is largely useless to me, or at most wears off in a couple hours.....whereas my ADHD meds actually provide me MORE relief from the pain than any of them. Basically, they let me actually focus on something OTHER than pain and not get interrupted/distracted by the occasional pain spike that likes to remind me its there and wants my attention......so I mean, I still feel everything that comes with my head being physically out of whack, but for the hours vyvanse is working for me, coupled with some heavy duty pain meds, I can like.....just sorta....not care about it for awhile. Like, it hasn’t gone away but its more shoved to the back of my mind at least. And all of that, I’m happy to stuff in a closet whenever I can, lol).

And that’s enough rambles for this post, I think. LOLOLOL, as if I have a quota. But yeah. Just wanted to express how much your support has meant and continues to mean, and like.....I’m still here and alive and crossing fingers that I’ll hear about an actual surgery date soon, but in the meanwhile like......I’m kinda stuck in a perpetual Limbo, one that’s largely confined to whatever is in hobbling distance from my bed of the day, and as much as donations help me physically, in remaining able to at least stay that way, just, any and all interactions on here help by keeping me engaged with the world on at least some level, and make it so I have stuff to think or talk about beyond my own situation and how I’m not a super huge fan of that.

(Okay, I shouldn’t say any and ALL interactions are appreciated, since I have my fun little runs of anon hate in my inbox, but I mean, all of the above is why they’re not really a big deal to me and never have been. Its like, dude, my own body has been trying to take me out for the past three years, and you think a few insults from an anonymous stranger are gonna do the trick? LOLOL, please. Tbh, the only real negative effect anon hate has on me is that it makes me a bit more snappish and quick to assume the worst than I’d like, when people @ me in a way that I misread as aggressive or in bad faith. I’m aware that my day-to-day temperment is a lot more irritable and open to fights than I usually like to be, as self-control is kinda a big deal to me, and my situation and stress and other shit kinda keep me constantly operating at a level best described as itchy, and none of that is an excuse for any times I read an interaction wrong and go for the throat. I just mean like.....I’m a very blunt and straight-forward person, and I do appreciate when people take a similar approach to me as it really helps keep those misreads to a minimum. Any time someone wants to engage with me in some way, I promise I am SO much easier to talk to if you just....put it out there, whatever it is. Its the games people play online (and in real life) that just frustrate the hell out of me and...yeah. Again, I’m not saying any of that as an excuse or a request for a free pass any time I fuck up an interaction or cross a line, I’m just saying, if anyone’s held back on interacting with me because they think I might snap at them or mistake it for them trying to start a fight, like......just be direct with me. Honestly, thats just....always gonna be more productive when it comes to me.)

But yeah. So that’s the current state of me and all that jazz. Again, I so appreciate everything everyone’s done to support me, not just these past couple days but over the course of these past three years as well. I notice and remember all of it, and its why even though I rant and complain and am critical about so much in society and fandoms and all that.....I really truly am a believer in the idea that there’s more good in people and the world than bad, and the bad just tends to be louder is all. It was especially loud for me the last couple days, the volume got way jacked up, but the goodwill from you guys has been more than enough to drown it out and give me some reprieve.

Alright, shutting up now. All done. The end.