#AuDHD people aren't alone in that

[hisui555]

[Nods and shakes hands with Autism and ADHD as a zebra dyspraxic person who knew of those senses due to my own brand of disability and neurodivergence]

Yep, yep, wonky body-to-spatial awareness and hypo/hypersensitivity to stuff is a bitch.

Hiding it under the cut because I don't wanna derail from OP's main point, which is about Autism and Autistic people.

But for those interested or discovering, dyspraxia is a psychomotor disability - and neurodivergence - belonging to the DYS-group (like dyslexia, dyscalculia, etc) that can be summed as "imagine a house with some, most, or all light-ways crosswired : if you push the lightswitch in the kitchen to make yourself a sandwich, it's the bulb in the bathroom on the second floor that lights up. Oh, and you'll bonk and trip on a lot of furniture on the way, will fumble that knife twice, cut a dent in the counter on accident due to misaplied strength, smear the butter all over due to wonky fine motor control, and don't hope distinguishing left from right. Bon appétit."

For the zebra part - also a neurodivergence and it does count as a disorder too, see further down - along with the speedy, arborescent, step-skipping, multi-tracks-at-the-same-time instinctive thoughts process, devouring curiosity for knowledge in general be it from mushroom cultivation to the pyramids of Gizeh, very out-of-the-box thinking and good-ish memory, it comes with more acute senses 9 times outta 10 which on the positive side means a good musical ear without even having musical knowledge, good eyesight - I still have 12 out of 10 even after 3 decades on this planet, and more than 10 for my ears, still hearing sounds people aren't supposed to when over 20 - a keen nose, etc. Unsurprisingly, synaesthesia and hyperempathy very often come along for the ride.

On the bad side, this means that those senses (whether a few or all of them) are all dialed up to eleven since birth, often mix together, and since your brain never shuts up and takes a lot in at once quite fast just like it does information, it can make your day a noisy, straining, saturated, tiring mess quite quick.

Point of it : sympathizing with and for Autistic people going through this, from someone who has it too but with another neurodivergence/disorder.

(Just for info, zebra-ness can be and does go along with ADHD, Autism, or both of them - the three are sort of cousin neurodivergences in a sense. Like the latter two, it's from birth, and something is different in the brain : where an ADHD brain for example doesn't produce (or has low) dopamine, a zebra-brain has a fair bit more myelin than a neurotypical brain - myelin is a fatty-substanced membrane akin to "oil on a door" in the brain, that connects cells and axons between them, assuring nutrients, and more relevantly the transmission of neural information, connection, activity and input (though differents parts of the brain play a role too). For zebra-brains, that door is very well oiled - sometimes too much - and that input goes faster than in non-zebra brains, up to covering (if I'm not wrong) 3m50 or more in a second whereas the standard is 2 to 2m50, which means 1 to 1m50 more of billions of neurons lit and activated in the same timespan.

In short, it's like having better Wi-Fi and being able to download/process more. Well, if the information goes where it should =='

The downside ? You're "calibrated" to think of the complicated solution(s) first instead of the easy one(s) - thinking in arborescence also means seeing a lot of solutions at once, with huge hesitation of what's the right one - and it doesn't guarantee common sense either.

...Yup. (Taken from the webcomic xkcd.)

Also, collecting information fast and "getting it quick" doesn't mean fully, consciously understanding it right off the bat. An ability to instinctively understand things emotionally - emotional intelligence - doesn't mean being able to control and regulate one's own emotions in a healthy way - emotional maturity - as they are two different things. Yeah, a massive downside of zebra-ness is the constant splitting you'll do : you have one foot in one territory - most times the capacity to understand things beyond your age demography - and the other foot across the almost-no-inbetween gap of your actual emotional maturity level. And that's without speaking about the social gap, whether in school or not, and the downsides of instinctive step-skipping reasoning : the moment there's setback, that missing step on the stairs is a hole you fall through, and you often don't have the tools or methods to properly get out past the shock of falling (and failing). Impostor Syndrome and burnout can also be real plagues.

Also, once a zebra, always a zebra. Like any neurodivergence it doesn't "disappear" with time, age or treatment.)

(Why "zebra" ? Well, ADHD has the butterfly, Autism has the infinity loop, and Zebra people have the, drumroll please, zebra - term coming from francophone psychologist Jeanne Siaud-Facchin, even if not used in science - because I'm of the mind that the word """gifted""", or "advanced" or just "HIP/HPI" (High Intellectual Potential) is a misnomer (yeah, that's what it is, but I largely prefer "zebra", it's more neutral, less pompous and doesn't just focus on the intellect side with those damn IQ tests and their stupidly bad connotations) : it's a whole neurodivergence that affects more than just so-called "smarts", being actually about thought speed, processing, creativity, along with a different sensorial and emotional perception of one's environment, that has a lot in common with both ADHD and Autism in particular, and they CAN be commorbid.

They share : -An unusual way of thinking, which is often described as "outside the box", rather creative, and "not what was asked" for those who don't like it. Where a Neurotypical person goes through an assignment, an Autistic person might go sideways, an ADHD person over, and a Zebra person beyond the assignment, and all of them find the answer still without being "wrong". -Sensory disorders, (tying back to OP's post) as the brain is often cross-wired or boosted too much. A Zebra person has it dialed up to eleven by default, and as such takes everything in but it's too strong, too acute, too buzzing, basically too loud. An ADHD person might be unable to focus, every noise intermingles, they can't take them apart as they take everything in, so in short it's too many. An Autistic person might feel overwhelmed from the different stimuli overriding their senses, causing physical discomfort that's not just plain pain but other sensations like burning, feeling stabbed, etc, so, too much. All three can end up having a meltdown or being exhausted from dealing with that, while a Neurotypical person might feel simply tired and annoyed. -Unusual interests and hyperfixations, an Autistic person has deep, often obscure but comforting special interests that they often come back to and will research in detail. They might go at it like a cone or funnel, digging deeper and deeper each time. An ADHD person searches lots of things for stimuli, hopping from one to another following their interest and once hooked in, will stay on that hyperfixation until the well is "dry" and move onto another, might also feel a period of deep boredom until they find another - like a lock constantly locking and unlocking. A Zebra person goes at it out of sheer, overwhelming curiosity and thirst of knowledge, the more the better, both multitasking and digging the deepest they can (like Autistic people), with varied and very ecclectic fields of "research" (like ADHD people), soaking it up like a sponge. -Infodumping and long-winded explanations, tied to the above. Autistic people might share special interest out of comfort, finding a kindred spirit, and talk about something they're comfortable with. ADHD people may have a lot of interests at once and want to share out of excitement, venting out their discoveries and riding that feel-good wave. Zebra people might talk a ton because they keep thinking about new details and concepts tied to the interest that they wanna debate over while they're also talking about it, sending their brain ablaze and sharing their amazement. All three usually do it to share, express themselves, and bond ! -Social and empathy troubles (hyper/hypoempathy), as an Autistic person might have difficulties reading social cues, picking verbal from non-verbal, and reading implied or implicit intent, but react strongly (or on the contrary, not) to hidden emotions. An ADHD person might take a lot of those clues in all at once and have trouble picking the "correct" one to react to, or be considered "too hyper" by others by reacting to most if not all of them. A Zebra person might pick up the implied or implicit intent and treat it as the de facto explicit intent, which brings problems in a world where people lie often, as they might address what the person needs rather than what they want, or bust hidden wants into the open, and let the cat out of the bag too soon. They can also ask a lot of questions and point out things that may not be comfortable for everyone with disregard of what's "socially acceptable", not because they don't know what social cues are, but because they find it unfair and will bypass said cues, sometimes to their own detriment. All three can get baffled by and fall prey to (or be) liars and manipulators because (despite that) they don't understand why/how a person would/could behave like that, this doesn't exempt anyone from getting hurt or hurting others despite noticing (or not) patterns and behaviors !

Non exhaustive list. So, what's the main difference ? One actually has comfort as the axis, doing things that makes them feel good, safe, and needs a routine and patterns. One has stimuli as an axis to seek the dopamine the brain is lacking, needing interest for motivation and literally struggles to do a task their brain isn't interested in, with periods of shifting focus and forgetfulness. One has curiosity as an axis and a strong desire for information in all forms, needing to seek knowledge for expansion and creativity, can get interested in everything or almost in sometimes unrelated domains, then building upon it in their own way, wanting to bring it a step further. All three are curious, researching people that want to feel good doing what they like, taking things apart to see how it works, but why and how they do it might differ !

And as will all neurodivergences and disorders, things can overlap and be shared traits, especially in those having more than one or two neurodivergences or disorders that can counter or mess up each other (AuDHD : the simultaneous clashing needs of routine and novelty for example).

So yeah, conclusion, why zebras ? Well, Zebras look like horses, but are their own thing, and each zebra has different stripes, just like zebra-ness is a spectrum.)

(From the French site Suivezlezèbre.com, "follow the zebra")

If I'm wrong, please correct me, but this is based on my own experiences, observations, reads, talks with people (zebra, Autistic, ADHD, neurotypical or other neurodivergences, family, friends, strangers, acquaintances, therapist included - and yes I'm a confirmed zebra by a professional) and, well, life.

And uh, further proving my point, outside of the quick research I did and needed to write all this (I have no intent to spread misinformation), well... English is not my native language (3rd overall though) and my studies were in art : I've never opened a psychology or neurology book in my life.

So take this all with a grain of salt, but at the same time... QED.

The 8 Senses

The Autistic Teacher

[halfsizehellboy]

oh man okay. more thinking

hot shit do i feel enlightened bc audhd House makes so much sense to me!!! he surrounds himself with chaos and novelty and stimulation but still adheres to things that don't change-- his apartment, when he lives in it, it always set up the same way. it's mentioned he's had the same guitar for many years, as well as numerous medical texts. He uses his same red mug all the time at the hospital (he has a designated hospital mug. it lives at the hospital and he only uses it at the hospital). he is very adamant about his office space-- it only changes drastically for him in season 8. just before he leaves. he and Wilson have a fun schedule-- bowling nights, poker nights, etc-- and he does spontaneous stuff all the time, but he orchestrates it. he enacts enrichment time for his fellows and Wilson. he canonically spaces out during/stops processing conversations all the time because he's thinking. he will forget to do basic things while on cases, and there's that one episode where he stays up all night because he's cooking something. he is the king of "shit i forgot to eat. i forgot to shower and pee. i forgot--"

while im thinking of eating!! he has that bad hunger recognition. he will forgo eating for days for cases, fixations, pain levels. he usually eats off of wilson's plate anyways, and i think wilson mainly eats because he's made it part of routine, and that if he forgets to eat house definitely forgets to eat, and that usually ends badly. i dont think house has any specific avoidances but he does usually go for pizza, or anything wilson's made. he likes fries.

the adhd bit makes him more prone to addiction (it's a real thing) and he does show those behaviors (vicodin, alcohol). he has to have either the puzzles or the substances, taking him off both fucked with him a lot (mayfield and afterwards). in prison he got managed doses of vicodin, and he was getting antsy and desperate for the challenge of a good case towards the end of that arc. he all but jumps on that heat allergy guy, risking his chances of parole multiple times to try and get close. side note, did y'all see his equation scribblings on the wall by his bunk? hes so silly

ive also been thinking like. we see very large-scale self destructive behaviors from nearly everyone in the show but we don't see a lot of self-regulation outside of house's stimming so that means i get to make up my own and project onto wilson.

wilson spends a lot of time masking at work so we don't see him fully let loose and i think that he is a fan of full body movement. he's jumping up and down. he's pacing the apartment and swingin his arms. he sways and rocks in place. at the hospital and places that aren't safe he keeps the stim energy to his hands/fingers, or taps his foot/bounces his leg-- things easy enough for neurotypicals to pass off as nervous energy. he loves to click pens but he only does it when he's alone or with house because he knows that other people find it annoying (house doesn't care, he starts clicking/tapping too and it's like they're drumming together). he and house learned morse code and annoy the ducklings and cuddy with it all the time.

bad times wilson scratches a lot (this is me projecting btw). at his scalp, at his arms, anywhere he can get to; and usually he's self conscious enough to do it where he can hide it under his clothes (house is unaffected and can tell anyways)(usually because he's there trying to help wilson stop scratching)(but if he's not he can still tell and wilson doesn't wanna know how). he also presses/rubs his face a lot (in general and not just bad times wilson), and bad times wilson gets abrasions on his eyelids/cheeks from his sweatshirt when he has a meltdown. i've seen another person talk about this, but i think he absolutely tears his cuticles up. he's managed to stop biting/tearing his nails down to nothing but between vigorous scrubbing for the OR and not liking lotion (sensory bad. i need it for my arms and the backs of my hands sometimes and i always wipe it off of my palms and fingers) his hands are so dry. house makes fun of him but he does carry around a nail file because he's trying to stop picking at his fingers regularly, and limit it to a bad times emergency regulatory behavior.

house fights meltdowns to the death. he hates having them, he hates having to be vulnerable like that (and that's a canonical trauma response). he has held one off through sheer will for an entire week before wilson called out sick for him and made him take a day off. they ended up taking a long weekend to recover. on the occasion they're both melting down at the same time, it's a multiple days affair. wilson will recognize what's happening and try to make sure everything in the apartment is low effort and accessible from the floor because house's meltdowns are more often than not pain response and that means that house stays on the floor. and when wilson is melting /neg he doesn't want to leave house. on a sillier(?) note they have a tally/competition for shortest meltdown (wilson), longest meltdown (house), fastest to meltdown (house), longest amount of time spent holding off a meltdown (house), most efficient meltdown (wilson), and most meltdowns located in the hospital (wilson).

man i'm gonna have to make a fic for this, it's getting wild just on posts

[hot-take-tournament]

Omg the reblog person is so real for that. I understand that Tumblr doesn't have an algorithm so liking doesn't functionally do anything but I get extremely anxious about reblogging so the guilt trips are really awful for me (and I assume it's the same for others with similar issues.)

Uh- bit of a tangent/rant below. For context I'm an "Audhd-er" (I think that's the term people use, it means I'm autistic and I have ADHD)

I understand most of the time they are over-exaggerating their feelings on the matter. In posts about reblogging stuff from writers and artists it's always kind of a "LIKES DO NOTHING SHOW YOUR LOVE WITH REBLOGS LIKES MEAN NOTHING"

I've always found that a bit odd. As someone with two mutuals (one of whom is rarely online) and 1 normal follower my reblogs really aren't gonna do much so I mostly reblog stuff my mutuals might like and occasionally make my own posts. (Keeping everything else private for the most part) When I get a like it always brings a warm fuzzy feeling because it means someone enjoyed my reblog or post enough to share with me that they liked it.

I've only had one post that breached containment and it was a fun weekend of checking out the blogs of people who liked it! All in all I think maybe people are just unaware of the anxieties that come with being online and the people who experience those anxieties are too anxious to really speak up about it. I mean look at me I'm chilling behind an anon mask rn (I rarely send an off anon ask lol.)

For a website dubbed by its users as the neurodivergent website, some people forget to consider that learning and working within the culture of a social media platform can be extremely stressful for many types of people, let alone an autistic person such as myself (the ADHD doesn't help either). Some of us would prefer to lurk in our private blogs, only coming out of our comfort zone when we feel ok to do so.

All in all, a reminder to reblog is perfectly fine, but please refrain from the guilt-tripping and social obligation type of thing— or at least be aware of it and try not to be offended if one of your mutuals struggles to reblog.

Now this is all my personal perspective, other people will likely have completely different experiences but I wanted to share in case people were confused on why it's an issue for some people. Thanks for reading this whole thing and I hope you have a lovely day <3

I think I get what you're saying -

For a lot of people it genuinely takes a surprising amount of guts to put themselves out there on the internet in any way, even if it's anonymously, and that includes things as simple as reblogging a post.

It's not just Tumblr either. You also see it on Reddit and Twitter, and in online games where people just want to keep to themselves and not interact with strangers. Some people just want to lurk, maybe liking or upvoting, but not commenting or reblogging, because that feels like making yourself more "visible" somehow, in a way simply liking posts doesn't.

It's difficult to put into words, but I feel it's kind of like being in a university lecture with 50+ strangers. Liking is sitting in the back quietly taking notes. Reblogging is like putting your hand up and giving an opinion when the professor asks for one.

It's true that only reblogging actually contributes anything functionally, but there are plenty of people, especially neurodivergent people, who might struggle with that kind of thing, but still want to show some appreciation, or just save it as a bookmark.

So, I think that's partly why that kind of guilt-tripping or threatening reblog bait can be so stressful. Tumblr is a comfort app for a lot of people, who just want to curate their own little private space. Reblog baits are like someone banging on your door, telling you that you're actively doing something wrong by keeping to yourself, and (in the case of "I'll block/unfollow you if you like/read but don't reblog" baits) people will hate you for doing it.

It also implicitly takes away the sense of control you have over your own personal online space. Ideally, you should be able to do whatever you want with your own blog - no one should dictate your own online experience. So, if you just want to reblog things you like or want to share, at whatever pace you feel comfortable with, there shouldn't be anything wrong with that.

But reblog baits seem to suggest that you shouldn't have that control, and there are certain things that you have no choice but to put on your blog, and it has to be right now. And I feel that sense of having control suddenly snatched away from you without warning could also be a major source of anxiety for a lot of people who see Tumblr as a source of comfort.

With all that in mind, while I do believe that it's not quite this simple, considering artists and writers, and especially those who rely on commissions, do need exposure from reblogs, I also feel it's difficult to blame people for finding very aggressive reblog baits stressful, especially when you're suddenly blindsided with them.

At least, those are just my initial thoughts based on what you said, but absolutely let me know if you disagree with any of this or feel I misrepresented what you meant <3

[mazyb0i]

Other RnM fans?

Rick n Morty fan creator/artist here, trying to make friend brohs with ppl who are also obsessed with the show. I have a hard time reaching out due to my anxiety. (proshippers DNI)

tldr; you're also a neurodivergent queer artist nutjob that makes crackpipe art an shitposts, heavily kins a character at one point or another, and we should be friends because we can be insane together LMFAO

Fav show ships: BP x Rick all day, (I love flesh curtains, and their dynamic is just so yes... I...) Morty x Alaska (i named the vat of acid gf Alaska because the Alaska trip..) Summer x that one girl... Morticia X Jessica, Rickcest/ Rick selfcest is aight, I obsess over Miamicop. I think selfcest in cloning / multiuniverse theory is harmless, but don't come at me with any of that proshipper/inc3st/rickorty shit. I will block you, report you, and put you on a DNI beware list; this is a threat & a warning. That shit is never EVER ok.

if we become friends/wanna know about;

I'm diagnosed Audhd, I'm a transmasc demiboy, I like to be referred to as nonbinary and a transgender male with He/They pronouns. Panromantic Demisexual.

I'm a rick kinnie, just means I identify with rick, in another universe I could be him XD, I relate to him, we share the same personality literally (ENTP 7w8); he's my self identifying comfort character. But my big interest with this show/comic is probably due to some kind of autistic hyper fixation and imprintation.

Hobbies: Crafting, Digital illustration, Fursuit /Costume making, Youtube, 3D designing, Making silly video skits, Writing, Character design, Shit posting, Creating ai voice bots for fun n fandom purposes (will make le memes), Trying to be a youtuber like Imbrandonfarris and Britany Broski, collecting stuff, VRchat, Collecting fluffy soft shit like stuffies, pillows, blankets, and hoodies. I SLEEP IN A NEST OF ALL OF THESE

Personality?: Chaotic, Unhinged, Tired and fed up with this shit, All the Energy AND NO ENERGY, I'm so tired please god help me, i'm an enigma. Ambiverted. If ur looking for a cool crazy cat dude broh who draws weird ass digital art and is always tired but jacked on coffe, adderall, and Naproxen i'm your guy.... :'}

I do alot of art and have alot of burnouts due to my adhd- I've been told I'm  innovative, clever, and expressive. I can jury-rig your glasses easily with a paperclip if you're screw comes out and loose frames causes the lens to pop. I'm very detail and idea-oriented, i come up with thousands of ideas, questions, and theories. Because of this, I tend to come up with one idea after another without actually going forward with plans and actions because i get so overwhelmed with my massive brain XD

Even tho I'm socially awkward, I love people, I want to make friends. I like being alone a lot but I hate feeling lonely. :C When I get to know you I'm very very chatty; as long as I'm not too tired or piled with heaps of assignments. I would say I'm pretty laid-back and easy to get along with, I get so stuck up in my personal world up in my head that I lose sight of important things around me, I blame the adhd. I'm an observer, I like to watch and see how things happen, I am a very hands on person.

I'm constantly learning, i love science with a passion. I got hyperfixated on evolution of different animal clades a while back. I am immensely curious and focused on understanding how the world operates and functions. I'm looking for mental and intellectual stimulation, lettuce skip casual conversation about wheather- whats your favorite dinosaur? (fuck ignore my dyslexia) and before you say a pterodactyl let me stop you right there- they aren't dinosaurs. if you like understanding the world through learning various things about science, technology, or culture, I'm your guy. but I'm also just a silly hoo hoo aah smart ass.

god this is finally done... I've been writing this for an hour......

[imperishable-prayers]

Pros of dating Ceara:

AuDHD human failgirl that loves eating milk cake.

She knows danmaku, so she can actually help you in a fight.

She likes having fun with people but isn't much to strike up a conversation with people that aren't already friends with her. She's got a bunch of interests that she can talk to you about, if you let her.

She's easily flustered and gets joyous over simple affection!

Cons of dating Ceara:

Doesn't like going outside more than once in one day. This is moreso her being lazy if anything.

She is stubborn with some things, so it may be a hassle finding things she's fine with eating or actually touching.

Her jokes and mannerisms are more on the sarcastic side, so if you're not good with catching up on that, you might not get along too well with her.

She won't leave her dead skin cells alone if she locks her eyes on them, just give her some moisturizer so she's not fixated on doing something stupid with them.

[aspd-culture]

hiya, do you have any blanket advice for those looking to do some solid research into self-diagnosis, especially as an autistic? good sources, common mistakes, etc? would appreciate anything because I’ve just had a long few hours of mentally spiralling into the depths of hell over trying to figure out what empathy and remorse actually are

I have posts I will link at the end of this defining remorse that hopefully should help.

Empathy exists in 2 or 3 types, depending on who you ask. Most commonly, you will see 2 types of empathy being spoken about.

Affective empathy (the type people mean when they just say empathy): The ability to recognize other's emotions subconsciously without thinking about it/trying to, and having those emotions mirrored in your own. So (for pwAffective Empathy) if someone is angry, you will feel angry (not at them). If someone is crying, you may want to cry or start crying. If someone is smiling genuinely, you will feel happy. There isn't a qualifier on this. You don't have to know the person at all, let alone care about them, for this to happen if you have affective empathy, but afaik it is stronger in those you're bonded with.

Cognitive Empathy: Being able to intentionally think about "putting yourself in their shoes" and figuring out, based on what you would be feeling/others in previous situations felt, what the person is feeling. This is something that takes some amount of effort and is usually what pwLow/No Empathy learn to do to mask empathy.

The third, that is less talked about as a type of empathy:

Empathic Concern aka Compassion: Seeing someone in a tough situation or going through something that is upsetting (either to them or something generally considered upsetting like de*th) and feeling bad for them (also can include an urge to help them in some way or feeling bad you can't help them).

As for resources, I would say reading the DSM entries is always my first step in the long process of researching a disorder I think I may have. The DSM is thorough, if stigmatizing towards ASPD in some ways, and is the standard to which professionals are held in their diagnoses in the USA.

I also firmly recommend looking into anecdotal experience on tumblr, tiktok, etc etc (besides twitter which imo does not allow enough characters for nuanced discussion of mental health) to see if you relate to how the disorder tends to present. It's especially helpful to try and find pw any comorbid disorders you have talking about their experience. For example, I am AuDHD and have ASPD, which means my experience will be much different than someone with ASPD who does not have autism and/or ADHD. People try and discredit social media representation of mental health, to which I say "screw you, you just don't like that people with mental health disorders don't need to feel isolated and alone and shamed anymore". Obviously, take these as anecdotes, not guarantees on what the disorder looks like, but when you read enough of it, you'll get the vibe of what is controversial vs what most of the community with the disorder experiences.

Common mistakes: beware the loud minority/elitist assholes. There are people who are thoroughly convinced that no one with this disorder is allowed to look different than anyone else with it (Similar to people who say "you can't be autistic bc you don't act like my high support needs 5 year old autistic cousin"). There are people still using the word sociopath in an unironic way (and aren't just reclaiming it). These people will have you believe very ableist things they internalized. Notice them, block them, and move on from it.

Another common mistake is not reading into discourse about the disorder. Discourse can be stressful to read, but if you're looking into if you do or don't have a disorder, it can be very useful to see what is important enough to pw the disorder to be arguing about. You don't have to and maybe shouldn't pick a side while you're still questioning if you have it, but there is info to be gained in respectful discourse posts.

Maybe the most important: reading about stigma and ableism as tagged by people with the disorder. This will help you avoid falling into any internalized ableism and avoid getting blocked by informational accounts that could be beneficial to you learning. Do this before you post (or post again) about the disorder. Learn what is considered harmful, hurtful, ableist, and/or stigmatizing as far as the community of pw the disorder is concerned and keep it in mind in any future posts and irl discussions about the disorder.

Aside from that, I know a great post (not specific to ASPD at all) about the process of self diagnosis that I will link for you under the links to my posts about empathy and remorse. Linking specifically to a reblog with an important addition I touched on here.

I hope this helps!

Links:

It's worth noting that in this last link, OP (not Mental Illness Bingo) repeatedly remarks on it being annoying and/or inappropriate to ask blogs "do you think I might have this", and I personally disagree. That's just a me thing though. I cannot diagnose anyone as I am just a person with a (maybe somewhat worrying) amount of professionally diagnosed mental health conditions, not a professional. Even if I was one, I would not be able to diagnose you bc I am not your professional. I don't mind helping point people in the right direction if they feel I could be helpful though! I do agree that friends may be biased, and I know many other blogs have policies against answering that sort of ask, so know your audience if you ask. Just wanted to make that note here so no one things I'm vagueing them by linking that post. If I am uncomfortable with a certain type of ask, I'll make sure you guys know and probably add it to my pinned post.

Plain text below the cut:

I have posts I will link at the end of this defining remorse that hopefully should help.

Empathy exists in 2 or 3 types, depending on who you ask. Most commonly, you will see 2 types of empathy being spoken about.

Affective empathy (the type people mean when they just say empathy): The ability to recognize other's emotions subconsciously without thinking about it/trying to, and having those emotions mirrored in your own. So (for pwAffective Empathy) if someone is angry, you will feel angry (not at them). If someone is crying, you may want to cry or start crying. If someone is smiling genuinely, you will feel happy. There isn't a qualifier on this. You don't have to know the person at all, let alone care about them, for this to happen if you have affective empathy, but afaik it is stronger in those you're bonded with.

Cognitive Empathy: Being able to intentionally think about "putting yourself in their shoes" and figuring out, based on what you would be feeling/others in previous situations felt, what the person is feeling. This is something that takes some amount of effort and is usually what pwLow/No Empathy learn to do to mask empathy.

The third, that is less talked about as a type of empathy:

Empathic Concern aka Compassion: Seeing someone in a tough situation or going through something that is upsetting (either to them or something generally considered upsetting like de*th) and feeling bad for them (also can include an urge to help them in some way or feeling bad you can't help them).

As for resources, I would say reading the DSM entries is always my first step in the long process of researching a disorder I think I may have. The DSM is thorough, if stigmatizing towards ASPD in some ways, and is the standard to which professionals are held in their diagnoses in the USA.

I also firmly recommend looking into anecdotal experience on tumblr, tiktok, etc etc (besides twitter which imo does not allow enough characters for nuanced discussion of mental health) to see if you relate to how the disorder tends to present. It's especially helpful to try and find pw any comorbid disorders you have talking about their experience. For example, I am AuDHD and have ASPD, which means my experience will be much different than someone with ASPD who does not have autism and/or ADHD. People try and discredit social media representation of mental health, to which I say "screw you, you just don't like that people with mental health disorders don't need to feel isolated and alone and shamed anymore". Obviously, take these as anecdotes, not guarantees on what the disorder looks like, but when you read enough of it, you'll get the vibe of what is controversial vs what most of the community with the disorder experiences.

Common mistakes: beware the loud minority/elitist assholes. There are people who are thoroughly convinced that no one with this disorder is allowed to look different than anyone else with it (Similar to people who say "you can't be autistic bc you don't act like my high support needs 5 year old autistic cousin"). There are people still using the word sociopath in an unironic way (and aren't just reclaiming it). These people will have you believe very ableist things they internalized. Notice them, block them, and move on from it.

Another common mistake is not reading into discourse about the disorder. Discourse can be stressful to read, but if you're looking into if you do or don't have a disorder, it can be very useful to see what is important enough to pw the disorder to be arguing about. You don't have to and maybe shouldn't pick a side while you're still questioning if you have it, but there is info to be gained in respectful discourse posts.

Maybe the most important: reading about stigma and ableism as tagged by people with the disorder. This will help you avoid falling into any internalized ableism and avoid getting blocked by informational accounts that could be beneficial to you learning. Do this before you post (or post again) about the disorder. Learn what is considered harmful, hurtful, ableist, and/or stigmatizing as far as the community of pw the disorder is concerned and keep it in mind in any future posts and irl discussions about the disorder.

Aside from that, I know a great post (not specific to ASPD at all) about the process of self diagnosis that I will link for you under the links to my posts about empathy and remorse. Linking specifically to a reblog with an important addition I touched on here.

I hope this helps!

Links are above, and I have added plain texts to the ones that are mine as well.

[these-written-reveries]

I think one of the most difficult things about being autistic for me is struggling so much with making friends. Friends that actually connect with me and care about me in the way that I care about them. Friends that will actually stick around even after they see me in all of my authentic "weirdness" and won't judge me for it. Friends that want to truly get to know me on a deeper level and who put consistent effort into doing so.

I've struggled with finding people like this; usually being the odd one out in every friend group I've ever had. And maybe it's just been a wrong place, wrong time kind of thing -maybe the right people were just never around. But the ones I did find, that seemed genuine, all ended up subtly rejecting me and pushed me away the moment I started expressing my authentic self, and not the mask they were so used to seeing. They were put off by my autism; by who I am. I'm too weird. I love to hard. I care too much. I act strangely. I talk a lot. I miss the point. I'm too naive. I don't like "normal" things. Etc. Etc. Etc.

I've isolated myself for years bc I kept getting hurt over and over by people who I thought were my friends. My trauma and lack of knowledge about me being audhd didn't help when it came to filtering out the especially bad ones -only drawing me closer to those kinds of people. But I've healed a lot of those wounds since then. I know who I am and I love myself for who I am -especially in all of my neurodivergent "weirdness". And yet, putting myself out there and showing up authentically without masking has been really difficult and quite frankly, terrifying. I'm literally bearing my heart out like a target for people to hit. But it is also freeing in the sense that I can better weed out the people who aren't right for me sooner rather than months/years into a relationship with them.

I guess this is all to say that I'm still feeling the struggle all these years later and it stings. I want to connect with people so badly. I'm tired of being isolated and alone. I deserve good friends who love me like I love them. But where are they? I guess it may not be time just yet...I can be patient. I've been patient this long. If it means the right people will come along, then all this patience will be worth it.

That doesn't help to soothe the growing ache in my chest, though. Guess it's there for a reason, huh? Without it, I surely would not be making these strides towards honing my authenticity and opening my heart to receiving love for the first time in a very, very long time. Just gotta remind myself that the ache is a good thing. Shows my progress and how far I've come. I won't go back to living in a dark isolated shell again. I'll take these feelings over that any day.

[dandie-on-the-wind]

wtf is this life..without influence

listening to brown noise:

so i don't think i know much about who i am, maybe thats the luteal talking, maybe its the stress and chaos my life has always been, maybe its the undiagnosed audhd or whatever the fuck, maybe its that im trans and fluid, maybe its black and white thinking, maybe its the relational trauma i have from so many people, maybe its the part where i pretend to be palatable for others and have to wait a good 30 days before they start seeing the real me

im trans, im queer, im butch, ive come so far, im in debt, im alive, im broke, i love people, i love myself, the version i am now, the version hidden under the glow of the tv, the version i was every second of every minute if my past.

i've never hated myself, ive hated my behaviors, i was told they are the same thing. the things i was told and the things i learned aren't the same. but somehow i attached to all of them to the same thing, me.

i was told i may lose friends over my behaviors, i was told im too much, i was told im ugly, i was told im weird, i was told the government cares, i was told 'things would get better', i was told i don't have to explain myself to anyone, i was told my behaviors don't reflect my character, i was told im difficult.

the boy ive been seeing is another example of a human who sees me, but god i can't stand when he sees me. i know who i am alone, i know who i am without friends, i know who i am with my family, i know who i am in solitude because i told myself that is how I get through this life.

i don't know how to take care of myself, i don't know when im hungry, i don't know when im dehydrated, i don't know to take vitamin D, i don't know why society puts me in boxes when i clearly don't like any of them for long periods of time.

maybe someday ill write a list of people i wish i knew saw me, because i hope they see me as something beyond what i see. (of course they do, you're self sabotaging) i hope i come off as the real me and not the alone me or the sad me or the caffeinated me, or maybe......

i want someone to love and accept me in all phases, in all states, in all ways. yes, of course, i want true love. and i tell myself everything has limits so i tell myself true love doesn't exist and i have to fit all these parameters of validation and acceptance and bravery and stoicism! i just want to be me! and i want those around me to know that i'm still learning! what a concept..

well i will definitely be using brown noise for my writing in the foreseeable future. it way easier than music, im very easily swayed by music and movies and people.

things will work themselves out, they always do

[smol-fae]

Things To Know!

Hey there and welcome to a very inconsistent travel blog of my adventures as a disabled adult! I thought it would be a great idea to make an extensive guide to travel for people like me because I went all over the internet looking for detailed information on what to expect when traveling alone for the first time and found only vague travel guides and what to do with your autistic kids on long trips.

Things to know:

How I rate places and experiences:

How am I going to rate things and experiences? We're gonna call them "sensory stars" since autism/sensory issues are my biggest obstacle. I'll award points activities or experiences based on how accessible and friendly they are. I do not expect every venue, experience, etc to be friendly because quite frankly there's some that aren't, but those that go out of their way to be accessibility friendly and go out of their way to offer it etc will earn "bonus points" so to speak.

Consistency:

If you're expecting to see new trips every month from this Tumblr I am sorry to tell you you'll be disappointed. While I (in theory) enjoy travel it takes a lot of planning and money. I may post about new trips every few months however the plan for this blog is to share helpful tips and advice, share things I've learned to make travel easier and rate activities and places I've been for others planning trips.

Qualifications:

How could I possibly be qualified to write a blog about traveling with disabilities? I'm so glad you ask! I'm a late diagnosed AuDHD, non-binary person who presents fem, who also happens to be HOH and have a chronic illness that effects both my energy level and joints, with some PTSD and mental illness as a cherry on top.

Vocab: (updated as needed)

AuDHD- Autism ADHD wombo combo

HOH- Hard Of Hearing, moderate to severe hearing loss

Tism- shortened term for autism

Sensory Friendly- things that don't rub my Autism or ADHD the wrong way

(C)PTSD- (complex) post traumatic stress disorder, I have complex but I just shorten it to PTSD and happens after traumatic episodes and events

Final Thoughts:

So in summary that's me and what I'm planning to do with this space and maybe help some people?

Life is too short to not see the massive world we live in and I want to both see it and help people like me be less scared/anxious about traveling.

[jamiebluewind]

I have a fluxuating condition, so how bad I'm doing depends a lot on the day and on how well I'm currently taking care of all my needs (I also have AuDHD). Sometimes I can walk and even outpace others because of my long legs. Sometimes I need a cane to not fall over, so I always take one with me even on good days just in case. I use a wheelchair for long distances so I can safely get around without collapsing on the floor, but still go out with my friends. When I'm bad, I'm at home using my walker or bedridden. I'm young enough that I don't "look" disabled or limited until I do.

"Do you even need that?" said by an elder who saw me dragging my cane.

"So you were just pretending to get out of chores?" said by my sister who saw me playing video games a day after I could barely walk.

"That is nice, but where is the person who needs my help? Your mother perhaps?" said by a health aide.

"Why can't you do it now!? You did it just fine last month!" my cousin.

"Idiot. If you're gonna lie, you shouldn't do something that stupid!" my dad about a stranger crying and trying to explain to someone that they were just having a good day.

"I wish I could afford to sit on my butt all day." more than one person who don't know how bad it is to be isolated and unable to move.

"Other students have it far worse than you do and THEY don't struggle with this." a professor.

"You would scare the children." an advisor when I considered becoming a teacher after I explained my condition.

"You should be grateful for whatever you get." a doctor.

"Everybody knows you just ham it up for attention or whatever. You aren't ACTUALLY bad" my nephew a day after I collapsed.

"What do you even need an aide for? You're just lazy and want to be waited on hand and foot!" several relatives and strangers.

"Just drink more water! It's not that hard." a nurse my third time at the ER for dehydration when I lived alone.

"Ha! You see? Right there. Caught you." my partner's relative when something I said was different from what I needed later.

"I'm sorry, but I just don't see a reason why you would need a walk in shower and a shower chair. You'll need to bring in a letter from both doctors and [more paperwork]." an insurance agent after I fell so many times in a year that I got scared of showering (but only went to the ER once) and actively had bruises.

"Our facility isn't set up for someone like you." an in-patient mental health treatment program I was trying to get in when I was depressed... and all the others I tried before giving up on looking.

"Oh my god! (said giggling) Just use the chair lift. The floor is dirty and you look so silly like that." my friend when I want to get up and down her stairs (on all fours) on my own and felt up for it (the lift is also very slow).

Someone glaring at me as I stand from my wheelchair to grab something. Strangers who will fuss at a disabled person in designated parking who was "taking it away from someone who needs it" or "probably using your parent's" when they don't look the part. The government official who said to come back to their office when I had a "real" problem. The people who treat me like I'm a liar when I say I'm disabled and the people who treat me like a liar when I'm feeling good enough to push myself.

All of... this. It makes it hard to live a life worth living. It makes it hard to let anyone see me without something indicating that I'm disabled (like my cane). I can't let people see me bad because they don't think I can ever do anything again (or will even use it to dismiss anything I say from then on). I can't let people see me well because they think I'm faking disability and will want to take some/all of my assistance away. I can't do bold things or take little risks on good days either because the ones that care will chastise me. I can't work because no job would "put up with" someone that's so sporadic. I can't walk confidently without being afraid of judgment and I can't use my wheelchair without that same fear. "God damn it Jamie!" has been said to me many times before, but some say it because they're mad I suddenly got weak or were limited and some say it because I tried to be independent. It sucks! It sucks and I'm tired and please let me be a complex person like everybody else. Please? I just... let me have good and bad days and dumb and smart days and the thousand thousand other kinds of days that everybody else gets?

able bodied people will freak out when they see an ambulatory mobility aid user not using their aids but won't question it when a hiker only uses a walking stick or trekking poles when they're hiking. they're the same thing.

[sillylilfairy]

Bit of art therapy inspired by folklore of brownies transforming into more poltergeist-like boggarts following ill treatment from humans in an attempt to avenge or protect themselves.

Personal post with some sad feels, but an overall message of self love because I owe that to myself. Kinda long, but then I remembered. Who cares? It's my blog and maybe my self reflections will help someone else idk.

I realized that as a queer auDHD person, I love my friends a lot, I'm trusting, loyal, genuine and willing to put in the work to keep things healthy and resolve conflict. I'm very free with giving out affection and support to my friends because I like relationships where we build each other up.

But I also forget that not everyone sees friendship the way I do or is in a place to be able to be a healthy friend to me and sometimes I end up getting hurt. I have a tendency to believe people when they tell me I'm important to them and take them at face value, so mixed messages are very hard for me. I've...been gaslit a lot and trained to doubt myself so much I often apologize for things that aren't my fault and take on problems that aren't my responsibility, even when it's done with the best of intentions. I'm tired of doing that...and it doesn't allow others to make their own mistakes or be accountable for them. Mistakes are how we learn and learning from them is how we grow. I can be supportive, validate and offer resources, but I can't *make* anyone okay and that's okay. Sometimes I beat myself up for not having the right words to say in the moment or a crystal ball and for being imperfect and y'know what? That's okay too. I never want my friends to self flagellate after making a mistake either, even if they do or say something that hurts me. As long as they aren't being dismissive of my needs and feelings or abusive, then I don't burn bridges. But I still have a right to my feelings and shouldn't be expected to bury them and carry on as usual without addressing anything and would never expect my friends to either. Sometimes you're gonna set boundaries or be honest about what you need and it is the last thing the other person might want to hear. But honesty is always the best policy and hurts less in the long run. And I try to be a safe person for people to be able to do that because I've been through a lot. We can only do our best to meet people half way. No more bending over backwards for belonging, approval and affection. No more apologizing for asking questions or feeling guilty for having feelings and needs and expressing those in a healthy way. No more trying to shoulder everything alone or staying quiet and pretending to be okay when I feel hurt or uncomfortable.

If other people take issue with that, it's not my problem. I'm entering my villain era >:3 I deserve stability, security, mutuality, reciprocity, trust and to feel valued in my friendships. And if people want me in their life in any meaningful way, they'll make the room for me to take up space and not expect me to shrink down to fit. Because we make time for what's important to us and I deserve to feel important to my friends too. Cue evil laughter >;3 ... For context, I'm going through a painful, confusing friend breakup I never wanted or saw coming. Among some other things and realizations that just kinda suck, but there's good in there too. And thankfully I have several other friends who've been very loving and supportive to me over the last few years that I can turn to and I'm redirecting my love and energy into those people as well as myself. I realized I needed to take my own advice and stop trying to make everyone happy. Because at the end of the day? You can't. Time and energy are finite resources. You'll just keep giving til there's nothing left for what's important to you and burn yourself out. I'm still sad and will be on and off for awhile, but... I know I'll be okay too

[zo1nkss]

Hi this is so so good!! I'm white passing but I am Native and something I notice as an auDHD that happens a lot in fandom spaces (I stopped reading fic for OFMD after like my fifth time having to tap put over racist characterization tbh but this goes for ALL fandom spaces) is that yt ppl tend to categorize Autism as "The Flavorless Disease".

We don't like noise, or flavor, or joy. We sit alone in our houses avoiding stumulous and generally just being sad sacks. Unfortunately a lot of that is largely just influenced by only being in yt led and yt controlled ND spaces, full of people who share the same ND experiences and consider them universal.

The reality is there are a LOT of sensory seeking autistics in this world; especially those who grew up in BIPOC households where noise was not condembed and spices were not feared with a passion.

Autistics with ADHD are especially likely to be sensory seeking, so if you're writing an auDHD character please do not signify that by giving them bland flavor paletts, highly hatekept academic interests, and little to no social life. Those things aren't bad inherently, but when they are the only indication that a character is autistic they just become very ableist and - in many cases - fairly racist.

If you yourself are not ND or do not have or identify with the ND you are applying to a character, you absolutely CANNOT base that characterization on things you've read on social media. I notice that seems to happen a LOT, and it's very frustrating.

Like OP said, a sensitivity reader is a great step in the right direction. But I would also advise you to actually research real life cases of people with that experience, take in everything they say and seek perspectives that challenge your biases. Don't just listen to what 20-somethings say on tiktok, that place is a cesspool of misinformation and blanket statements.

Right, so, I've been seeing some persistent misconceptions in fanfiction where a character has ADHD. I'm a man of color with ADHD and I want to clear some things up. This is specifically about how people tend to write Ed Teach, but it can apply to other characters you're writing with ADHD. And I'd love if other people with ADHD, especially other people of color with ADHD, have any additions to tack on!

These things are NOT what ADHD is.

ADHD does not make you "stupid." This whole thing was inspired because I just read a fic where Ed cites his ADHD as evidence he's "dumber" than the other characters (and this was supported by the writing in the story). There is no correlation between ADHD and intelligence, and we know that Ed is a genius!

ADHD does not automatically mean that someone can't finish school or can't succeed in demanding academic fields. I'm working on my PhD. It just means your character needs coping skills.

ADHD does not mean that someone will "hyperfixate" on or suddenly lose interest in relationships, whether romantic or platonic.

ADHD doesn't mean your character struggles with personal hygeine or keeping their home clean. Please stop making me read fics that characterize a man of color as dirty or incapable of keeping his home clean and excusing it because "he has ADHD!"

ADHD doesn't mean that your character will need someone to look after or supervise everything they do. Ed does not need a White man to take care of him or make sure his work gets done.

ADHD doesn't mean a character will be unable to sit still, focus, stay on-task, or sit in silence 100% of the time. We all have different tolerance levels and those can change depending on current circumstances.

Here are some more realistic, interesting ways ADHD can impact successful, smart characters of color, like Ed.

He might feel the need to be hypercompetent, all the time.

He might get frustrated with himself. ADHD can be frustrating! You can be on top of things 99% of the time at work and school, and have people look up to you, and then you'll realize that you've been forgetting to book that doctor's appointment for six months straight now and you'll feel like a failure.

He might overcorrect symptoms. For example, he might have trouble keeping a neat, organized space and know that messes stress him out, so he overcorrects by being a bit of a neat freak and avoiding mess wherever possible so his space never becomes unmanageable.

He might struggle with The Evil Boredom. That's when you feel super understimulated and nothing is enough to help.

He might have trouble sitting still or saying quiet when he's nervous, feeling strong emotions, or in a boring environment or trying to do a boring task (the scene where Ed struggled with being still and quiet while fishing, while also feeling strong emotions of guilt, was super relatable).

I like to write AuDHD characters (with both autism and ADHD), and it can add a fun new dimension! I personally headcanon Ed as AuDHD. When you have both, symptoms can be frustrating because they can feel contradictory (for example, my autism demands I keep a neat, tidy space and I like routines, but my ADHD means I have trouble keeping things tidy to my standards and routines are super boring).

And finally but crucially: it's obviously okay to headcanon a character as ADHD or with any other neurodivergence when you're White. However, it's important to remember that the experience of neurodivergence looks different for people of color. Boys of color with ADHD, for example, are often overdiagnosed with ODD and labelled as "defiant" or "uncooperative." I often avoid telling White friends and coworkers that I'm AuDHD because it tends to make them infantalize me, as if I haven't already proven to them I'm a capable adult. People of color often have to go undiagnosed or without appropriate medications (if needed) and/or are misdiagnosed. If you're writing about a chracter of color with ADHD, I really recommend finding a sensitivity reader.

[trans-librarian]

No worries friend! I literally had my first kiss at 22 with a platonic friend at a party (he bet that he could give at least half of the people at the party a little kiss on the lips) and then lost my v card at 23 and I still haven't had a romantic relationship and it's fine. I have reached a point where I would like a relationship but like I'm out here vibing with myself and my friends. Shits already hard enough to do dating and romance let alone if you are queer, trans, neurodiverse, etc. (such as myself as a fat tranmasc dude who has audhd and has physical disabilities) let yourself be you and shit will happen and when it does it will be great and worth more than throwing yourself into things you aren't ready for just because you feel you need to reach certain expectations. A little TMI but it was forcing myself to conform to my expectations of who I should be by a certain age is what caused me to get sa'ed by a creepy guy while literally losing my v card.

can someone put me down like a sick dog i need to actually believe that its normal to be nineteen with next to no romantic experience

[edge-oftheworld]

okieee where to start? luke lane, sgfg era... giving me a lot to work with. you have a lot of ideas and a cool sense of humour. you have a natural curiosity of the world and you also really want to connect with and talk to people who have similar experiences to you. for you, connecting can involve talking about people you're a fan of! it makes you feel connected to them, while some people use it just to get off their chest their lack of connection with said celebrity. you're friendly and sometimes overcompensate socially for well. audhd things (i hope you don't mind me being a bit more specific here than I usually did from looking at your blog). let me tell you this. there's gonna be people in your life who find everything you do absolutely adorable and endearing! don't be afraid to let the people who aren't worth it go to make room for them when they make themselves known to you.

you're bubbly on the surface because you like to hide the things you struggle with. it's not really intentional, more of a social overcompensation thing, and so you really appreciate the people who get to know you for you fully and invite you to open up a bit more. you're a bit like a vampire in that you need to be specifically invited for that! but people do care about you. there's a whole community of us (on here especially, and possibly irl too) who do want to talk about how growing up neurodivergent is traumatising! who want to trace our stories through sgfg and wfttwtaf and whisper the things that get too close to speculation to ever say publicly, confirming your intuition that you're not alone and you never were.

you can grow more confident talking to people! i know you really want to. you're doing a great job on here, I'm not sure if anyone ever says, but the thing is you have your own way of connecting and you can hone in on that and use it to exist in the world, no need to second guess yourself! it's like learning a sport with accommodations on how your body specifically needs to move. but in social situations. that's what we're in this fandom for. we're here to cry through diamonds and tell each other everything is gonna be okay stay alive you have to stay alive and relate to our faves and each other and do lots of cute and thoughtful things. and rebellious against the status quo--we don't have to be impolite to do that though you can be sometimes if you like! you've earned the right, mostly because you tend to use politeness to get people to like you. they still will. like I said. it's a skill and we're all here for you to figure it out together

wait bestie u want me to psychoanalyse you or nah?

-ari <3

YEAH i’m scared for the outcome but pls do it