#Another reason to live today
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IT GOT BETTER
trickster & mischief
#stiles stilinski#void!stiles#nogitsune!stiles#teen wolf#teen wolf fanart#stiles fanart#milkcryptid#my art#void stiles#nogitsune#Another reason to live today
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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hey, Leverage peeps, I've got a thought. I've seen a lot of posts and memes joking about Nate's inability to understand that his clients do not want money, they want revenge. I also find this funny. but I was thinking about it and I realized something: there's a personal reason behind it. there is a very, very good reason why Nate doesn't get that.
Nate's drive to lead Leverage, outside of the crew, originated from his son's death due to his insurance company's refusal to cover the bill for the required treatment. we all know this. if his company had paid for Sam's treatment, everything would've been fine.
…or, if Nate had been a little wealthier, had a little more change to spend… maybe he could've paid for it. maybe Blackpool never would've had a say in any of it. maybe Nate would've had everything under control from the start.
we've discussed at length in the fandom how money equals safety for some of the others in the crew (Parker and Hardison grew up with little to none and know its importance to survival, Eliot needs it to stay ahead of his old enemies, etc.), but I don't know that I've seen any discussion on how it's relevant to Nate. for him, however, money equals security in healthcare and in housing (he lost the house, remember?). Nate's older than the others. he remained in the same place for much longer, and he had a stable life for a while. the others haven't been in that position before. many of their clients, however, are at that place in life.
yes, for the others, money keeps them ahead of the game and it keeps them secure. but none of them ever lost a kid because they couldn't pay for healthcare. none of them risk losing the life of someone who is completely dependent on them when they don't have enough.
(Hardison, perhaps, has the closest understanding, considering he hacked a bank to pay for his Nana's healthcare. but he never lost her.)
Nate thinks ahead, you know? he has a long-term view of things. I imagine that for him, when clients refuse the money, they're not just refusing a month's worth of groceries, or a place to stay the night, or the ability to keep running. for him, they're refusing control over their hard-earned, stable, long-term living situation. they're refusing the potential to save a family member's life.
I dunno, guys. I think that's a pretty good reason to not understand why people don't want the money.
#leverage#leverage meta#nate ford#meta#ello folks it has been A While#but I saw another one of these memes today and couldn't help but ask myself 'why?'#and this came out#anyway I figure this is a fair reason to have more trouble Getting It#when you think about it Nate's probably gotten the closest to most of their clients' living situations#the rest of them have had Very Unusual Lives#but so many of their clients are PARENTS#they're people with STABLE LIVING SITUATIONS#they're ordinary middle-class people!#and Nate was the only one who lived as an adult in that situation!#he's the only one who understands what it's like to have a regular family depending on him to keep the household running!#no WONDER he worries more about this!#he understands the consequences better than the others do!#I dunno I feel like that gets overlooked a lot#anyway have fun playing with this#synapse meta
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guys look what i made for my best friend 🤭🎀





i also bought a couple of sticker packs and gems for a friend to decorate the album, and ethan got the best and the most. he deserves it. 💔
edit: part 2
#it was part of the gift i gave her today! finally met @pol-parketny for the first time since last summer#we only have the opportunity to see each other a couple of times a year at best:( she lives and works in another city and it's very far awa#but she's here for my birthday! which is may 14th (spam me with edits of characters you see in this blog pretty please 🙏🙏)#btw i laughed so hard from the back (“everyone hates chris”) bc WE both hate chris (for personal reasons) and it's like our local meme XDD#also what luis is doing there??? is he just for the company of his husband (leon)??#0039pf shitposts#resident evil#re4#resident evil 4#re4 remake#re4 leon#leon kennedy#re4 luis#luis serra#luis serra navarro#albert wesker#re4 wesker#serennedy#re8#resident evil 8#re8 village#re8 heisenberg#karl heisenberg#ethan winters#re8 ethan winters#wintersberg#by 0039pf#craft#diy craft
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#you didn't hear this from me but streetlight manifesto has 2 and only 2 tour dates scheduled so far for this year#one in their home turf and one in mine#it will've been 5 years since I last got to see them live#after 6 consecutive years of attending#I was genuinely and reasonably worried I might not survive to see them live again.#tickets don't go on sale for another day or two so it's not a 100% guarantee but.#it's like kind of a big deal tbh.#no not kind of. it's a big deal to me.#I'm emotional about it.#anyway check out my craft blog I reblogged earlier today or the merch catalogue in the pinned post so I can afford tickets lol#(honestly my wife and partner would probably cover the tickets if I asked especially since they're both coming with me)#(so the money part is realistically nbd)
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i'm the birthday millie today

i'm super old now.
#^_^ I THINK TODAY IS GOINF TO BE A NICE BIRTHDAY#i'm not like. doing anything special. but! i was thinking about it last night and i've come a long way...#all things considered i'm doinf a pretty good job at like. living life!#i've accomplished quite a bit! i've grown! i know lots more about myself! i'm figuring it out!!!!#i'm going to go to lunch with my mom and then later this evening i'm going tooooo get Not Sober and just have fun 💖#thanks for sticking around with me for another year of my life !!!!!!#i know i haven't been posting here a ton lately. lots of reasons for that. but i think about you all my tumblr only friends lots...#i hope you've all been well! love you lots. if any mutuals want my priv twitter feel free to ask :3#if you read all of these here's a present for you: 🐦#doodles#felix
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How fortunate am I to have so many Things to love and be excited about, to appreciate and look forward to?
Things I feel so strongly about that they stumble into my mind, univited, at random times of the day? Things that spill into my speech and vocabulary without me noticing? Things that impact my vision to the point where everywhere I look, everywhere I go, I see ghosts of them?
How lucky am I to have so many Things I love and cherish enough for them to reshape my very person, change my beliefs and make me grow? Things that make my own loved ones see the Things out in the wild, and go out of their way to make sure I see them too?
How wonderful is it that I have Things that I love so much that the very act is deemed and dubbed "not normal", making my love for them seem like it's more than they are supposed to recieve? An out-of-the-ordinary and above-the-norm appreciation for the Things that make the people around me shake their heads, call me "silly".
My dear, beloved Things, may I always stay silly for you ❤️
#yes this is yet another post about legendborn lmao#but also one of my friends sent me a post with a reminder to log into Genshin today#just to get the birthday-greeting card for one of my/my favorite character#and they send me this because even though it's my favorite character#this person also knows I don't actually play genshin that much and knows that I would probably miss it if they didn't remind me 🥺🥺#and my friends let me yap about Legendborn the other day lol#and my fellow legendbornian-in-crime commented on my insta story about annotating the book that “noone loves this series more than you”#which ofc isn't *TRUE* true but it still made me feel all fuzzy lol#my parents also got me a few sets of silver earrings for christmas bcs I mentioned in passing I wanted more silver jewelry#and one of the pairs they got me was with owls because Owl City has been one of my favorite artists since forever#and I THRIVED in 2012-fashion bcs the owl jewelry was fkn EVERYWHERE and I got SO MANY because it made me think of Owl City lol#and my brother got me The Book Of Bill bcs both he and I love Gravity Falls SO MUCH#I just love ✨️ loving ✨️ things I guess#so this post is very much a love letter to my special interests and hyperfixations <333#currently have had 'Tears Run Dry' by Patrik Jean on repeat for the past 2 or so days bcs it's fkn STUNNING#but it also makes me think about my friend's ArleFuri fic bcs it just fits so welll 😭😭#and at the same time (and the reason I have it so within reach lol) is bcs I have added it to an OC's playlist for a story I'm writing#I have so damn many things I love and I almost start crying thinking about how fortunate I am to have all these things I love so dearly#and live in a time where all of these things exist and I get to experience them all at a moment's notice#and just simply get to indulge in fandom behaviour and have people around me who also LET ME do that#i love hearing people yap about what they're passionate about regardless if I know what it is or not#like how beautiful isnt it to see someone's eyes sparkle and looking like they're itching all over because they simply can't help it#they just can't contain their love and passion for the Thing ??? absolutely incredible#tove rambles#oh and don't fkn get me started on how 'Dream Catcher' by Set It Off basically is the reason I'm so determined to become one#and it being part of how I made my 17-year old self believe I could actually do what I CURRENTLY DO nearly 10 years later
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yoichi sir baby will u love me as i am
#today i went to some cafes#reconnected with some old friends#and then come home to find many cute pics (yoichi pics💚) in my phone#today is a very good day#babblings#saying that feels good#on another note YOICHIIIII I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU#I WILL MAKE A LOVE POEM FOR YOU SOON BABY BOY WATCH ME YOU ARE MY REASON TO LIVE I LOVE YOUUUU#simping like this also feels good
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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i saw a picture of a plate of sliced fruit and it was very pretty and for a moment i felt strangely angry that after you eat it then it’s gone and there’s no more. but that’s the nature of a plate of fruit
#because of reasons i forgot to eat fruit today despite my intentions to#and now i have brushed my teeth and it is late so i cannot#so i think i am just fruit deprived#hrm#(trying to get myself to sleep at a reasonable time) faster you go to sleep the faster you get to eat fruit tomorrow#static.mp3#heres the thing. i cant eat fruit first thing i have to eat something more filling before i eat any fruit#so back of my mind is like well then whats the point if you have find something random to eat first before fruit 😑Stay Up#also i mean first thing in the morning#is anyone interested in my fruit inventory?? i have some gigantic green grapes and some kind of pear i’ve never tried i don’t think and an o#orange#i was planning to eat the pear today……it lives to see another day#i tried freezing green grapes some time ago bc ppl kept saying theyre amazing but i dont get it#are you guys doing something special to your frozen grapes because i just put them in the freezer
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It’s always crazy to see black celebs spew this same rhetoric because it’s such a privileged take… like, they’ve been famous for so long and have gotten their money up, moved out of the projects or whatever tf, that they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be genuinely feel. It’s impossible for them to connect anymore. As far as the qrt, oh wow ☠️.

#it’s always the same shit with these negros bro#like even recently with lil Wayne and all of these idiots crying about the Super Bowl and how he didn’t get chosen to perform#and you got idiots like Nicki and others going on about ‘taking opportunities away from a young black man-‘ (the nigga is in his 40’s bro)#despite Kendrick being younger…. and as a black person why not just be happy for another instead of trying to use race and guilt trip peopl#into caring about you over another black person when it’s convenient for you#because i remember when this dude used to say that he doesn’t care about blm or politics and he’s getting money#and that it doesn’t affect him so why should he care? now you’re crying about opportunities being taken away from you as a black man#I’m getting off topic but it’s the same sentiments similar to what Pharrell’s coon ass is saying#he’s always been one actually#rambling#whenever someone goes on about being apolitical they’re already not worth listening to#especially since politics shapes our entire lives like do you not care about what will happen to you#and what’s happening to people across the seas and in other countries like what is the real reason why sm ppl chose to play apolitical#I don’t want anyone around me if I can’t talk about politics with them or know where they stand as far as politics go#at the end of the day who cares about what a celeb has to say on politics since#I always go back to that one section in Dave Chappell standup (I know this was before he became what he is today… he was so normal back#then holy shit🗿) where he was taking about how ppl are super private about their politics and also#him going on about how ‘who tf cares about what ja rule thinks’#😭…. that’s literally it!!!#but to an extent it’s relalr dangerous to see ppl with such gigantic platforms and notoriety spew shit like this as if it’s normal#it only helps tp further push anti intellectualism and so on#like how are you an adult and you don’t care about politics#that’s embarrassing
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Forgot i have free will and can post stuff, see yall in another month or three
#art#digital art#oc art#oc artwork#hm does this count as mcyt if its from an unannounced minecraft lore server my friends are gonna stream on yt?#thats up to me to decide#and i decided to not decide#still a decision#also i finished this like.. before new years#i posted it to my ig but thats private lol#anyway the more effects the better#uh#the song is Deploy by Jack Stauber's Micropop#me: teenage white girl#hamilton jack stauber will wood lemon demon the living tombstone and hozier: 👁️👁️#i am not immune to *the urges*#anyway#uhh#had to add another h bc tumblr would let me just go 'uh' again :#*:'(#why does stuff tag after you add a coma#thats awful i hate that#on todays episode of: cloudfishh again does extremely long tags for no reason!!!!!#im gonna finish this here. sry#why am i apologising??#youre the one reading this#quick question: why????????#yeah im done now you can stop reading. thx
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accidentally* brainstormed a very complete outline for chapters 4-8 for eih, which should theoretically take us through Part 1. which is. you know. a godsend or whatever.
*accidentally meaning i was just eating delicious pancakes and the thoughts happened. usually its me crying screaming and shitting myself in front of an empty word document where ideas manifest. this is notably much more pleasant.
#that alone makes this weekend a good one#i also bought (leased) a new car yesterday!!!#which is exciting for me because i've been driving my first car for 16 years#even though its a base model its still SO much more advanced#hello how did i live without a backup camera of this long#also like. carplay. and auto windshield wipers. and keyless entry/start. and adjustable steering wheel#AND its electric! kinda. (a plug-in hybrid so has both engines but can run on only electric)#i've finally joined the 21st century#although tbh i thought my first car of my adult life may be something bougie. a BMW or some shit#alas i grew up to be too practical. so i bought a prius. because of course.#listen i live in california and wanted to go electric for forever#alas elon shat the bed by being elon so a tesla was an absolute no go#its funny like... you know that most of your customers for these cars were well-off environment-conscious liberals right#i've seen a tesla with a bumper that says 'i bought this before i knew elon was crazy'#which. like. yeah. fair#other fun events from last week. there was a fire super close to our house and we were in the evacuation zone#which is like. wow. i know its been dry and windy but i never thought it would actually happen HERE#everything is okay and we're safe and it was put out really fast#but definitely gave us a pause and made us think about whats important (our cat. everything else is replaceable.)#but another reason this weekend is good: it RAINED. last night and today.#listen i've been... extremely extremely extremely sad the past week#because of everything. because of 'allowance' of ice agents hospitals and thinking about what i would do and risk because FUCK THEM#suffering isn't moral and doesn't help anyone. just trying to find a way to help my community#and three nice things happening AND just hearing the border fire is under control...#its going to be okay. it really is.#anyway this post is about FANFICTIOn#fun fact i started looking into numerology that has to do with ying-yang#which is helping me decide on how many chapters per 'part'#its clever and unnecessary but makes me happy so whatever#chapter 4 of eih is ~2k works now as a mostly-outline
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me, the symptoms experiencer, experiencing symptoms: wow gee i wonder what the fuck is happening right now i have no context for why i could possibly feel bad, surely i'm not experiencing symptoms. me, when i figure out it's the symptoms:
#gif warning#medical stuff#man getting labled as a hypochondriac at a formative age (any) was a hell of a kick to the balls#i don't even have those#and yet#me when i've been told all my symptoms can't be real and that i was makign it up for attention so i started just not talking about them#even though in private without anyone around i was still experiencing the symptoms i decided i just Wasn't#because why would my parents be wrong about that - they loved me right?#so if something was concerning they'd be worried if it was a real thing - i wasn't making it up but maybe i was#no one should have taught my father the term psychosomatic#he's the reason it's had to go up on the shelf#mom flat out telling me it was impossible that [redacted] because i was quote ''too young'' for it to be happening#so now i'm old and it's a Real Big Fucking Deal I guess#i'm experiencing the flare/crash i was anticipating and - thank fuck - my brain isn't going down the tubes with it#which is a fucking miracle because this is the lead up to my period and *normally* that's when the PMDD hits real fucking bad#but in a stroke of luck (???) my body decided it was just going to smash itself into the ground Krillin-style#and as i lay here in the crater of my own body's making i'm just like. well at least i don't want to die#which is truly the most throwing thing of everything actually#anyway....#got hEDS put on my medical file for reals though so like#that's in there#that exists#also the look of HORROR on the nurse tech's face when i showed how much distance my hips spread *every month* for my period#i'm LITERALLY going into labor monthly and i've been doing that since i was 11#no fucking WONDER my body has collapsed out from under me if we even just go by that fucking metric like godDAMN#ugh anyway.... i'm. this was NOT the stuff i wanted to focus on this year for personal growth and healing but we're doing it now i guess!#fuck! goddamn! piss in a cup#i have also... failed to do the task i was meant to today and technically there's still time but it's uh. i. i'm gonna need to ask for help#and i HATE asking for help especiallywhen i need it most#another thing my parents have to answer for when they greet whatever judge they find at the end of their lives
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.
#ive been stressing all day about a purchase i'm not even making lol#i have mental problems sjfmsjg#no but for real i was reviewing the tablet i had decided on to buy in the distant future#and found out it's actually not very good for drawing which is the sole reason i want to get a tablet#and i got physical symptoms of anxiety and dread as if i had wasted money#on a thing I DIDN'T BUY#but then i found another tablet which is good for drawing and it's a bit more expensive#and once again i got the anxiety levels of someone being hunted for sport#for another product I DIDN'T BUY#but it's just this horrible timing thing that's making me anxious#because it's a lot of money that i have to spend on this#and I don't have a regular income#and my country's economy is hell to the point that by tomorrow the price could double without warning#and there's also there's some sales coming so maybe i should wait til then#but then also i have to catch the sale and the product i want#and also the holidays are coming so the price might spike up#and i never know when the correct time to buy anything is!!#and this folks is why I don't gamble lol#no but for real... i have been panicking all day and I don't even have a proper reason#i could also live without the tablet very well so it feels like a waste of money in general#so...#i have issues with spending money...#especially because I don't know when it's gonna be the next time i get work#could be next week... could be in six months... could be never again...#if i just could get hired for a proper project woth a decent pay...#ahhh the dream :')#ok i'm gonna go to bed now (if my stupid ear '''''infection'''''' lets me...)#life is hell but at least i got to boop people today <3#angel talks#personal
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☁️
#i thought of smth today....#i will try to bring it up w my mom...#bc like my sister has moved out on her own and my mom stays there a lot bc we've all been cramped up in this tiny apartment 4ever#but my mom hates this apartment and neighborhood (we all do) and she HAS to move she says#but she only talks abt moving w my little sister#the idea is that i will move out to another city (wherever i cand find an appartment + program/school)#but..... it just hit me..#that if i would study online i.e on distance and not have to go to a physical school#then i wouldnt have to move to a specific city#and i could move with them....#bc the reason i cant now is bc of my income that isnt approved to put on contracts etc#but..... maybeeee if i do that and i could study from wherever as long as i have internet#maybe i domt have to move to a city far away (im only able to look at omes where student housing is available... and nothing is close by)#this all made me think and honestly i cant be far away from my family and our pets#esp when i wont be able to afford to travel to them often lol#i cant be alone i think.... i just wont be able to live like that... i wish i could make my mom understand that#i'd wish in the future i could have a partner and live w them. but that isnt what my reality is rn lol </3333#i have to choose between moving to a city 3-5hrs away from my family or... uh be homeless ig lol#so i will bring this up w her and see what she says#maybe she'll just shoot it down immediately haha...#but i will test the waters at least... maybe she'll need convincing :')))#im just not ready bc that would mean that i would have to move...#this august.... fuck i get a heartattack just thinking abt it#i'd have to hurry and finish 3 classes by may#but also have started applying for university in uhh... march/april maybe????#and then find housing... and get one in the same city i can get into a program in#and then move in august 🥴🥴🥴🥴#no thanks i wanna fucking throw up just thinking abt it NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOO. NO. NOPE.#ok i will have to convince my mom fuck that T-T
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