#And obviously it's easier said then done because he had some much trauma and so much guilt

[ehhlien]

Also, I'm surprised that so many are surprised by Louis' hurtful remarks about Alice to Daniel.. seeing many people are in awe at how ruthless he is, but Louis has never been this sweet little innocent guy.. like are we all watching the same show?

Lestat was initially drawn to Louis when he saw him pull a knife out on his own brother. He was an alcoholic pimp who boo-hoo'ed about his terrible life to a priest, and spoke on how much he regretted putting young girls on the streets while knowingly ignoring their cries, only to marry a rich white man who promised him he could leave his life behind only for Louis to.. want to expand his pimping business and be the dominate one in the industry/area.

I think being able to see Louis be depressed and lonely, struggle with his sexuality, beef with his family, and be overly righteous about not drinking from humans regardless of the circumstances, made people forget the other side to him.

I don't think Louis attracts violence (re: his relationships with Lestat and Armand). I think Louis is equally violent, just in a way that materializes differently.

[pinkcrocss]

Is A-Train "redeemable"?

I have been thinking about this discourse that people have been having, following A-train's actions so far in season 4. And I know we've watched A-train teeter on the edge of good and bad for the last 4 seasons (generally falling to bad more than good). But i think the revelations about Frenchie's character kinda add an interesting spin to this question.

We need to consider how much our personal bias towards the characters we have grown to know (their motivations, their trauma's, their back stories), is impacting moral judgments we pass on other characters across the board.

Atp, every member of the boys has crossed "the line" in terms of black and white morality, but we give them a pass because we are convinced that they are all truly good at heart, and that their cause is just.

However, when you actually break down the actions of said characters, it kind of paints a different picture.

What has A-train done, that we feel he has to atone for? (this is just going off my terrible memory, so forgive me if I miss some things)

He killed Hughie's girlfriend (through negligence)

He killed popclaw (at the behest of homelander)

He's generally pretty arrogant and doesn't care about the horrible actions of his comrades, until it affects him

He killed bluehawk (most people agree that was justified)

Since season 2, Frenchie's past as a hit-man was hinted at (with little Nina explicitly stating that he had also killed children in season 3). It's clear Frenchie never had a particular moral code when he was a hit-man (no women/children type limits). He was simply a hired gun.

We sympathize with Frenchie because we know he had a difficult upbringing with his abusive father, as well as his loyalty to his friends (Cherie and Jay), the boys and especially Kimiko. Him serving as a comic relief often, also adds to this empathy bridge.

But season 4 has actually shown us a glimpse of just how many lives Frenchie has taken in cold blood. A whole room full. Why are we rooting for Frenchie's peace of mind, while debating if A-train is redeemable?

Frenchie has killed more people than Atrain (supe or not) and as far as I know, A-train has never killed a child.

Would it be easier to understand the gravity of Frenchie's crimes if Ryan or MM's daughter was one of his victims? Because his victims are all nameless, we act like his crimes hold less weight.

And then he goes on to start a sexual relationship with one of his victims, while hiding the knowledge that he was perpetrator of his greatest trauma. I think maybe we overlook the sadistic nature of that act because we interpret Frenchie as a "lover at heart", a true romantic that was swayed by his feelings and couldn't help that he had fallen for someone he had wronged. Bruh. When Colin eventually calls Frenchie a psychopath, he's not wrong.

And what about starlight? Her hands aren't clean. Remember the civilian she killed in Season 2? How is that any different from the situation with A-train and Robin? Yeah, it was an accident. In other words, negligence on her part. She needed to save Hughie; but why does Hughie's life matter more than that man. Her and Butcher were trying to carjack him and he had offered to call for help. He had a right to try to defend himself, and that bullet wouldn't have hurt her. That man was a father.

By the logic of why the boys are doing what they do, why we justify their murders of supes who have harmed them and their loved ones; if the child of that man grows up and hunts starlight down, would we need to root for that child to kill her?

Not so different from the shining light girl that keeps trying to kill Kimiko. From what was revealed of their backstory, Kimiko was the one who lured the girl into shining light. That's actually a common tactic of human traffickers, to use their victims (usually women and children) to lure in more victims cuz they seem less threatening. And obviously we can't fully blame Kimiko. She was trapped, brainwashed, and a child trying to protect her younger brother.

However, that girl also has every right to hate her. From her view, her life was forever taken because Kimiko chose not spare her (kinda similar to Gamora and Nebula). When Hughie said to A-train, "everything started with you!" we side with Hughie and we agree. So everytime Kimiko faces against that girl, why are we rooting for Kimiko? Wouldn't kimiko be A-train in that instance?

At this point, the only member of the boys who is still maintaining some Moral code is MM, and it's no coincidence that the show has made him seem pretty useless so far this season.

Btw, this post isn't a defense of A-train nor is it truly an indictment of any of the characters I used as examples. It's just an inconsistency I've noticed with the general fan discourse of who's "good" and who's "bad" on this show. Who is worthy of "forgiveness". Who's "redeemable". Redeemable to whom tho?

P.s. I'm not here to argue. Don't come for me cuz I critiqued your fave. I'm just thinking out loud. Feel free to respond/disagree, but if you're rude I'll just block you.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

It actually means conscious VS unconscious

And Storer did it again, he was metaphorically saying what he was doing and put it out there, in plain sight.

I already went over this point in several posts actually because it was pretty obvious to me that their only issue was definitely not communication, that was just the visible tip of their iceberg. It was deeper than that because communication is never a cause per se, it's always a consequence of multiple other factors, so I knew it was about the REASON behind it and whether they are aware of that or not, whether they wanna be aware of it or not, whether they are ready for that or not, etc. CC vs UC. So I elaborated on all those topics previously:

What matters is the people

Stuck in the mud

Inside Carmy's mind

Recycle / Repurpose

Purpuse, chef!

Never apologize

The trap

I now realize that I had missed that Storer put it out there, in plain sight in that scene above, which BTW was one of the few semi-Sydcarmy moments we were given this season, or as I call it: ALMS.

Anyway... The point is that Sydney said that what was killing them (she referred to the operation but I refer to the Sydcarmy dynamic, that's the metaphor) was the "bad communication" between FOH and BOH, in other words: between CC/UC or Conscious and Unconscious or subconscious if you will, because info always permeates from one to the other.

So this takes us back to the fact that until they don't consciously realize and put in the front of their minds THE REASON why they are doing all of this, they won't be able to communicate properly and efficiently, and therefore they will not understand each other and what's even worse, they will definitely not find in themselves the strength to carry on and to endure this battle.

Because let's face it, every day in that restaurant, chasing a star is like going to war and it would be anyway even if they were going through a honeymoon phase. Chasing a Michelin star is no easy task for anyone and it always takes its toll on the team, that is why it's so elite. Not everyone can do it. Yet everyone who has done it ends up learning the same lesson: IT CAN'T BE DONE UNLESS YOU HAVE A BIGGER PURPOSE. Some get lost along the way, and the star kills them because they never find a bigger purpose than the star/s itself as I mentioned here.

I trust Sydcarmy will find a way to make conscious of their real purpose which is obviously THEM/EACH OTHER as I mentioned in all those 7 posts above.

They are actually doing this to show how much they love each other. It's their way of showing their affection for each other. It's also how they communicate.

It would be easier to just say so and go out on a date and maybe give each other simple presents like a playlist, flowers, a cologne... but not for them. Nope. They are "special".

For her, it didn't start that way, though. It morphed into it along the way. Originally for Syd that star was some sort of personal victory and vindication after her Sheridan Rd's trauma fiasco. Later on, when she started suspecting that she may have started falling for Carmy, around the time C showed up, she had to shove that suspicion very deep into her UC, meaning, never let it out, DENY IT, because otherwise she was gonna get hurt. She's too smart and too much of an emotionally avoidant G WOMAN for that. She would never let that happen if she could avoid it prevent it.

For Carmy that was the reason from day one two, though. Right after she said that was what she wanted. But as I mentioned here, that was not his goal at first:

But this is where they are now and they should honor it and be honest about it, even get nasty if they must, ARGUE about it if that's what it takes for them to really get it. I'm sure that S4 will be all about it because they have reached the breaking point already → The crying game

Or should I say breakthrough?

Yeah, I will go for breakthrough. S4 is gonna be all about Sydcarmy. Get ready, truthers. There's no way but up from here because S3 was:

The end of Carmen Berzatto.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[afreakingdork]

Mmmm just read the new soft spot chapter and NOM

I love when characters who used to be villains, especially those who claim to not regret any of it, deal with the mental repercussions of what they did or went through. Looking back and feeling like the guilt is holding you there and there’s no way anyone can say that it wasn’t your fault or really much that could comfort someone in that situation. It’s stuck there and it hurts, especially when you realise that you do regret it for a reason or another.

It’s fascinating because it shows how someone actually feels and sees their wrongdoings, like one of my OCs just for example, she’s done terrible things, some she feels extremely guilty for and others that she feels were justified. She feels immense guilt and trauma from her time in the nexus but she excuses it to justify her wrongdoings. But take that away and she’s just left with an empty feeling.

His thoughts about his past staining his future child is perfect because it reflects his past as a child who ended up connected to the wrong people. He’s terrified that a little version of him could end up in that same situation even if it’s heavily unlikely, the trauma is still there in spades despite hiding it under what is basically an “it is what it is” attitude.

At least that’s how I interpreted it, I tend to write a lot of tragic villain characters. I just love the nuance of a character that has done horrible things but had an empathisable past. It’s why I love Jinx from Arcane so much.

Another scrumptious chapter and I will get around to reading the new fic when I’m not exhausting myself with trimming hedges :3

I read and saved this because I did not want this to disappear into the sea of requests I was doing!

Truly, said so well and poignantly! It was one of the reasons I wanted to play in the space of good and bad originally in Weak Spot and into the evolution of Soft Spot. In Weak Spot, you see a villain and if they're worthy of love. You watch on how events unfurl in a relationship and how that looks like with that kind of past. You see very real repercussions play out as his deepest fears and then what it looks like to finally shed that vulnerability and let yourself be with another person on both sides. It's hard enough as is, but then adding in the atrocities...

Then into Soft Spot and it's the next step. Not just in the stereotypical romance, but in what happens next for a ex-villain trying to live their lives. Some days are easier, some days are harder, but where we have a huge deviation now is that reader can consent. Reader is a whole grown ass person who can choose to be with Donnie, talk him down, decide for themselves what they want or can handle and...

A baby can't.

A baby can't do anything of those things. It can't choose anything; it's totally at the mercy of its parent and its why we're seeing these shifts in Donnie now. Obviously, there's far more to come, but it's all progressing on the same ideals. Not only is this all painfully new territory for Donnie, someone who is barely a few years into a life with love, but having a family (read as just reader and shelldon) so not only will the baby be new to life, Donnie is a toddler is comparison which is sort of the goal I had for Soft Spot. Where Weak Spot's goal was how does your occupation effect your worthiness of love, Soft Spot goes into what is new life like for someone who's never had it (be it a baby or a fully grown man).

I think you're spot in and no rush at all! Thanks for evening considering AENEM a go~

[monsters-villains-and-bastards]

(I am once again thinking about fallen hero (i never stopped))

Ya know, I feel like one of the reasons that fallen hero resonates so hard, at least for me, is how queer it is. Obviously, you can play as a cishet sidestep, but when you do play a queer sidestep? It *feels* queer.

Its rare that I come across a story that feels unapologetically queer. To me, there's a big difference between a story that features gay characters, a story that "is gay," and a Queer story. And even further, a story that is unapologetically queer.

With Fallen Hero, there's so many moments that are queer in a way I just, don't see often.

(I currently only have 1 sidestep who is a queer transman, so im comin at this from this perspective, but if anyone has played it other ways and would like to add, I would love to hear about your experiences with it)

When I play it, like I said, I currently have 1 sidestep who is a queer transman. So far, I've played it where he romances Ricardo, Wei, and Daniel (plus Ricardo and Wei, and Richard and Daniel). Each of them add something different to the story when they are romancing a transman that I can't help but adore.

The scene with Ricardo in his apartment, and sidestep is about to have the conversation about being trans, sidestep can panic because they don't know what exactly to say, how to do it, and what Ricardo's reaction is going to be. And you know what, yeah, that can be a very scary moment for someone who's trans. How do you tell someone you're trans when you don't know exactly what to say and how they'll react to it? And then, if Sidestep does tell him, Ricardo *cries.* He was so worried about Sidestep, and didn't know if he done something wrong, and he cries. There's also a point where he tries to make a joke or comment to lighten the mood and says something about being more familiar with those parts. And ya know what, ngl, that was a bit in poor taste but really funny. But I'm happy that it was included! Because sometimes people say things trying to lighten the mood and ya know what, sometimes it's a little bit like "why would you say it like that" and sometimes it's also funny. He's not perfect, he doesn't understand everything, but he's *trying.*

Either before or after that ( I can't quite remember, but ik it's within the same set of scenes), Sidestep can talk to him about being bisexual. Depending on the choice you pick, Ricardo can talk about growing up in Texas and that being gay or bisexual wasn't really okay. When he talks about his and Sidestep's past, there's a point where it's like, yeah, he would've been torn to shreds by the media if he was openly bisexual. And yeah, it isn't easy for everyone to come to terms with their sexuality, and it's easier to ignore it that try to deal with it, especially if you're going to experience public backlash on top of being raised in an area that was Not okay with queerness. It's scary!

One of the aspects I specifically love about Ricardo's romance, is that it's messy. You're playing a character that he knew in the past, thought was dead, and comes back into his life after so much has changed. Two people who have been broken down over the years of trauma they had to experience. There's so many ways you can play it that its hard to talk about all the ways in which the variations add their own mess to the situation too. So yeah, the romance can be so queer and so messy at the same time.

With Steel, if you're playing a trans sidestep, he already knows they're trans because of the pictures he got, but it doesn't change anything for him. He's a gay man who tells sidestep that who he sees is a man. It's that simple. He even tells sidestep that he was attracted to Sentinel, who was also trans.

With his romance, there is an age gap, but he didn't have attraction towards sidestep until after they came back, and they tried to become friends with each other. There's also some messiness with his romance if Ortega is a man because he had/has feelings for him.

With Herald, he's open about his attraction, isn't afraid to be who he is, and while at his apartment, he seems a bit nervous, he's also happy. When sidestep talks about being trans, there is a moment where he admits that he isn't sure what to say because he's gotten in trouble for it in the past, but he doesn't care, he happy either way.

For every romance in Fallen Hero, there's something messy about it. Every character has their own past with some kind of shadow looming over it. Everyone makes mistakes, eveyone has something that gives them sharp edges. None of them are perfect people. All of them are struggling with something.

Sidestep is also just an absolute dumpster fire of a person pretty much however you decide to play them. Sidestep, kinda sucks! Even if they're pretty good, by god, do they make dumb decisions!

And I do think its so important to note how much of a mess sidestep is, along with whoever they are with, if they are either a) with someone romantically, b) with someone sexually, or c) not with someone at all, because, imo, it differentiates itself from a story that has gay characters, a "gay" story, and a queer story.

When I think of a queer story, I think of the messy parts. The aspects that aren't "love at first sight" or two people who got it all figured out or "unproblematic" (sidenote: i do think we should remove the term problematic from people for a while), or two conventionally beautiful and young characters falling in love and having the most like. Heterosexual relationship you can have with 2 gay people.

Fallen hero doesn't really have conventional relationships. Even when discussing friendships, it's not conventional.

The story is Queer because of the unapologetically messy characters that exist within its setting. No one is perfect. No one has it all figured out. Sometimes a character doesn't know what to say or they stumble a little during those hard conversations about sexuality and gender. They're allowed to cry, or be confused, or understand. Not to mention that sidestep's morality can fluctuate between a good person who doesn't know what to do, to someone so unapologetically evil and proud. Allowing a character to be queer and their morals to be anywhere on that morality spectrum allows it to be a more queer story imo.

There's so much more that can be said, and could 100% be said by someone who's better at writing down those thoughts. But god, fallen hero is such a beautiful story. The conversations that can be had about it's themes of sexuality, gender, trauma, morality, neurodivergency, among other things is amazing. OUGHA, love this story.

[buddiesmutslut]

(Another) Tease Tidbit Tuesday

I've seen several lawsuit fics published recently (which I love, they're some of my favorites bc the whole lawsuit arc didn't make sense), and I've had this story in my drafts forever. It's unfinished and I'm struggling to get it done, but I'm hoping talking about it will give me some motivation 🙏

“I know you said you didn’t actually want light duty, so to go back to active duty, there’s at least three different things we can do. First, obviously, we can transfer you to a different house. Usually, transfers go through your captain, but we can definitely get around that in these circumstances. 

“If you don’t want to transfer, you can go to the Union, sit down with your captain and try to work out why he’s keeping you back.” Williams hesitates then, studying Buck intently before she adds. “That’s probably the last option I’d want you to take. Partially because I want you to take my next offer, but also because in this line of work, we place our lives in our teammates hands on every call, none more so than your captain, and he really let you down here. Whatever you choose, we’ll do our own investigation into this misunderstanding, and hope that that’s all it was, and not a malicious move.” 

Buck clenches his teeth at the thought that maybe Bobby just doesn’t want him anymore. He saw how much trouble Buck was, finally saw the thing that had everybody else leaving and figured that this was the perfect opportunity to get rid of him. 

Maybe Bobby was just putting up with him, tolerating him in the same way his actual parents did. He thought that Bobby loved him, or at least that he respected him as an employee. Maybe he read it all wrong though. 

If he read Bobby wrong, then who’s to say he didn’t read everyone wrong? 

Maybe it was a house-wide decision. Chim and Hen got sick of listening to his constant talking and Buck-ness and went to Cap. Maybe Eddie figured that getting rid of him in their professional life would make it easier to get rid of him in his personal life too. 

He swore that he didn’t blame Buck for Christopher going through the tsunami, but maybe he lied. Or maybe, faced with the extra nightmares and lingering trauma Chris is facing, he changed his mind. God knows that Buck still blames himself for it, so he would definitely understand it if Eddie did, too. 

He squeezes his thighs so tightly that his fingertips turn white, and drags in a shaky breath. “Yeah, I’m definitely not feeling very trusting right now.” He agrees with a weak chuckle, doing his best to ignore the sad look on the chief’s face. He knows he probably looks pathetic right now, but he doesn’t want to see any pity reflecting in her eyes. 

This is his ultimate boss, he needs to remain professional and in control, needs to reassure her that Buck is 100% capable of doing his job, even faced with this betrayal. 

“You mentioned a third option?”

Williams nods, huffing a breath through her nose and leaning back in her chair. “The third option is that you work for me.” 

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for lying to my friends about my ability to speak?

I (23 F), M (26 M), and J (24 M) are all friends. We met at work but have grown close outside of it, and I'm basically dating both of them at this point (I'm polyamarous, sue me). A little backstory about me, something traumatic happened when I was younger that resulted in a lot of scars, both physical and mental. I haven't spoken a word to anybody since I was 7 because of it. I use ASL and writing in my daily life to communicate, but sometimes when I'm at home by myself I'll say a few words to myself just to make sure I still have the ability. J learned sign language to be able to communicate with me easier, and M learned the alphabet and a few common words/phrases.

Now, the three of us work at a pretty dangerous job. We deal with machinery that we have to keep in check overnight, and if we fail to watch it properly we get basically mauled to death. The machinery also gets more and more dangerous the further the week goes along to keep up with demand, being the worst on weekends before resetting on Monday. It's a taxing job but it needs to be done and it pays well.

The night this happened I was scheduled by myself on a Saturday, which is something that almost never happens. I was stretched too thin and ended up losing track of one machine for a few seconds, getting caught by it and pretty beat up. I used voice commands on my phone to call M- the police in my area are close to useless- and told him to hurry over and save me. He ended up calling J, and both of them came to bail me out. There was a big fight and my left hand ended up pretty much shredded, leaving me without the ability to use most ASL. I decided to whisper to communicate until I could get a whiteboard or something similar to write with.

I'm currently sitting in the hospital recovering as I type this. M and J are acting distant, saying that they hate how I "lead them on" for all this time, lying about how I couldn't speak. The thing is, I really DO hate talking- it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable to use my voice, even when home alone. They obviously still love me, and I love them, but they're both hurt and sad. I can see where they're coming from, but again, it's a point of comfort for me to be able to avoid talking, and I'm extremely appreciative that M and J both learned some ASL to talk with me. J said that he wouldn't be hurt at all if I had just told him when I first met him, but I feel like that level of trauma-dumping isn't something you do with people you've just met. I intended to tell them eventually because I love and trust them, but this happened first and so I didn't get the opportunity.

AITA?

[withgreatpowercomesmyfuckingdick]

this come out of nowhere really, I just can't get myself to sleep without sharing this but why in all time travel fanfic. sephiroth seems to be extra aware of his status of " experiment " ??? it just, I don't know. I don't say that sephiroth or even genesis and angeal are stupid but it's strange to me that they seem extremely aware about it in those fanfic. when in crisis core, that piece of Informations seems to be new to them. i mean, do I just see the wrong issue? the way they learn that they are experiment choked them to the core. none of them reacted well? sephiroth just thought that he was special he said it himself.

maybe he lied to himself or the company and hojo did not treat him like we thought they did , at least outside of those experiment. so I find it weird when I read fanfiction that the big 3 already knows and acknowledged it, when that information was one of the big reveal and issues of crisis core.

also sephiroth not technically being 100 % aware of his experiment status means that most of us write hojo extremely wrong when he interacted with sephiroth. I mean, I don't know he seems to snob every one but sephiroth. in ff7, he was just weird, extremely fixed on sephiroth.

or maybe I interpreted it the wrong way ? maybe I am just stupid I don't know. I don't want to say something stupid.

I don’t think this is stupid at all and you are definitely not stupid, lovely! No one is stupid for expressing their opinions, even and especially when those opinions go against the crowd. And nothing’s wrong with a little critique lol, keeps me humble

(long text as always, but main points highlighted red lovelies)

Truth is, most fanfic around Sane!Sephiroth is heavy headcanon, and I am no better. We know (somewhat) that Sephiroth was raised in Nibelheim for some time but obviously didn’t see the townspeople as he has no memory of them, so it’s easier to conclude he was raised in a lab or some other isolated Shinra area. Sephiroth doesn’t actually know much about his origins, neither in canon nor in my fic. He doesn’t even believe he has parents, which he doesn’t cause they’re both ass or dead, but that’s beside the point lol. Sephiroth’s backstory just gives a lot of room for headcanons and the fandom sort of mutually agreed “Yup he’s traumatized as shit” and rolled with it

Now what I definitely took creative liberties with is his confiding in Genesis and Angeal about this childhood trauma. This is a much bigger stretch and more than likely not directly canon, but since I have them in a romantic relationship, there definitely had to be some opening up about what the fuck Hojo was calling Sephiroth into a lab for once a week (back when things were *bad* bad). I think in canon, Genesis and Angeal undoubtedly spotted some things that helped them see that Seph wasn’t completely normal, but they took it in stride because they’re good friends like that.

I would like to clarify one thing: the Firsts are aware that *Sephiroth* was treated badly during his childhood, but only as a SOLDIER child. They don’t have a clue about Jenova and the extent of what Hojo/Hollander/Gast did. Sephiroth doesn’t even know the full extent of what was done to him because as far as he’s aware, he’s a mako SOLDIER with a few gimmicks wired in. Traumatizing? Yes. Inherently monstrous? In his own eyes occasionally, but he’s got other people similar enough to him he can be talked away from it

The introduction of Jenova was nerve wracking and brand new and horrible and gut wrenching. They didn’t ask to be implanted with literal alien cells before their births, doomed to unstable and insane deaths before they’d taken their first steps. Sephiroth grew up a child SOLDIER, but monsters? Artificially made ones perhaps. A little gene splicing, even breeding, like how humanity helped the Liger happen (lion-tiger breed). But monsters that used to be *people*? That was new, and that terrified him. And that’s what sent him into the spiral. So I mean, you’re right. Jenova’s existence does shock them to their core, but Sephiroth’s entire childhood did not revolve around Jenova. Even if his purpose was to be a ‘mock Ancient,’ his developmental years revolved around being a weapon for war.

While I’m on that nofe, I’ve seen some comments on Sephiroth’s “alien cells” comment when he speaks to Zack on things for the first time and I want to clarify: when Sephiroth says alien cells, he meant foreign to the human body, not the fucking earth. None of them have a right clue what Jenova is, just like in canon

Also Everybody Hates Hojo so honestly I don’t think people are concerned? This is a man who was definitely not above experimenting on children, manipulated, nearly killed, and then experimented on a former friend, took advantage of a life/scientific partner for the advancement of an experiment and admitted to having seen her as nothing more than a tool, referred to Aerith as her species rather than a person and planned to literally breed her with another species (facilitated rape, basically), and in the OG game, helps fuel a major mental breakdown of Cloud’s for basically…no fucking reason? Not to mention DoG where he just…decides the planet’s fucking moving lmao. Literally goes “Ah yes, let me follow in my son’s footsteps and genocide the whole population so we can sail the stars :D”

the man is fucking mental regardless. just a personal opinion, but any rendition of Hojo is somewhat accurate if his cruelty is kept. I will admit that my Hojo is more reminiscent of an abusive parent because…that’s sort of what he is, and there’s some projection of my own personal experiences happening

And that’s an aspect of all fiction ofc, and especially fanfiction. Renditions change with authors because authors have different experiences. I can’t begin to tell you all the things I’ve accidentally or purposefully projected into this story.

Honestly I could write more but my eyes keep crossing and I should go to bed myself lol. Your ask really made me think so thanks for submitting! Hope I actually answered you amidst all my nonsense babble, and I hope you get some sleep!!!

[renjibozo]

episode 7 thoughts dump (part 1/2)

(this will be referencing this post of mine and this one too)

(part 2 because this is getting too long)

ok so putting things under a cut again bc spoilers obviously <333

(edited a bit because damn i wrote this on a whim)

OK SO ! most of my predictions are. somewhat correct, if not just misplaced in the wrong areas of the episode

the episode IS centered around rei having to realize that kazuki's role in the house is difficult because he has to take care of so much (laundry, cooking, getting miri ready early and sent off to daycare) so i wasn't wrong about that

this conversation is very nice to listen to as well because the thing of kazuki taking care of almost everything if not everything in the house is finally addressed! and they talk about it! somewhat. to mixed results

and he is doing his best my god he is doing his best you're doing so great you cringefail of a man (/pos) but i'm glad that this episode pushed him to a point where he just realizes he has to help kazuki more

this minute pause spoke to me so much because he was about to yell at her but stopped himself before he could..... amazing little detail

OK. NOW. THE SCENE THAT SPAWNED THIS ENTIRE POST. there must've been some kind of falling out between rei + miri and kazuki because he was screaming "I'm... not your housekeeper!" during dinner i'm suspecting that they finally got on his nerves if they never pick up after themselves properly or just the small stuff piled up onto kazuki and he had enough despite usually not really minding the fact that he has to do most if not all of the house chores but another theory i have is that the scene with the photograph is connected and because of the stress, it leads up to him taking it out on rei and miri. i'm distraught i don't want to see this episode but i have to. mfs gonna have a sk8 episode 7 situation and i'm powerless to stop it

recalling this from the second linked post, they do have some kind of falling out!!! and it does refer to the fact that they don't pick up after themselves!!! (and that they don't try to make it easier for kazuki himself)

the other theory is wrong because the thing with his wife doesn't really come up until karin's in the picture ok no i worded that incorrectly, thank you person who replied under the post

the scene is connected! but it did start off from the start of the episode itself, and his the stress that leads up to him going on strike is just from rei and miri not appreciating what he does enough..... poor unappreciated malewife

but yeah they did end up having a sk8 episode 7 but without them actually arguing in person, kazuki just dipped and left early in the morning

he really said he's not going to be coming back home for a while and they can fend for themselves

and kazuki seems to be on a solo mission, which is probably something rei and miri knows about considering they dont look too panicked by kazuki’s absence (rei looks a little frazzled from the daunting housework chores he has to deal with)

(episode 7 trailer post) ok so the solo part is wrong, but now we do know that rei and miri know that kazuki's out of the house and rei is frazzled by the housework

the day of reckoning has arrived for one suwa rei frfr..... it only took one whole day without kazuki doing things for him to realize

kazuki was nice enough to leave notes around for him so he doesn't get TOO lost trying to prepare miri

this means that since they got miri, he hasn't been going out to fool around in the night life and is at home taking care of miri and rei..... interesting

onto the more meatier part of the episode, THE TRAUMA !!! ill go back to the fluff when we're done here <3333 let's start with rei's since it's the tamer part and since we're on the topic of rei having to experience what it's like to be the sole caretaker of the house for once

he cant cook and doesn't know which plate in the fridge is for eating

this reminds me of the very first episode where kazuki tells rei that he left food in the fridge for him that he didn't eat because it was cold

maybe because kazuki papa wants you two to have a balanced meal !!!! also the laundry left out on the couch.... did kazuki just never fold it?

he does not know her schedule At All (to be fair, so does she in some way but the point stands)

but he does have a calendar that he did not check before leaving probably out of panic

time to nitpick a little at rei's choices with good intentions (he's doing his best but these are Not It fr)

why is miri being exposed to the rain like this!!! should've taken the car i feel like because this right here

is what leads to this

poor miri got sick and rei doesn't know what to do so he immediately calls kazuki who doesn't pick up

so he thinks of an alternative,

but the medicine isn't allowed for anybody below 12 so he thinks of another alternative,

but he doesn't know where the hospital is!!! so he ends up in kyutaro's doorstep as a last resort....

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: CSA

So I'm really struggling lately. My biological father started being sexual with me when I was 4. I didn't know any better, obviously, and thought it was normal and ok. He had sex with me for the first time when I was 7. Still thought it was normal. Finally started learning in sex Ed in school when I was 10 that family isn't supposed to do that stuff. But it was too late, he had already manipulated and brainwashed me into thinking it was ok and that he was just showing me how much he loved me. My mom walked in on him doing stuff to me when I was 13. He went to prison. I am now 27, turning 28 in April. Lately I have been really having a rough time; my mind keeps telling me it was my fault for letting it happen, because he never actually forced me into anything that I remember. Sometimes, I kinda sorta almost miss it. Just the connection I felt. And I know it's wrong and everything. But I want loved. And my brain keeps telling me that sex stuffs = love. I've even gotten into BDSM because it makes me feel loved. I just...I am so confused and conflicted. I do enjoy sex and bdsm and such, but is it ok to have these feelings, even though the mindset is a result of the trauma? I'm scared if I start going through therapy it will all change and I might lose my partner as a result. Any advice is appreciated!

Hi ashmccoy9587,

I'm so sorry about what you went through. Please know you're not alone.

It's common for trauma survivors to experience internalized victim-blaming, which can be when your mind tells you it was your fault for whatever reason. I think it's important that it doesn't have to be forceful or violent to be valid as abuse or trauma. Regardless of whether or not he was forceful, he still abused you and that's not okay.

Some people find it helpful to think about how they would feel if what they're going through happened to someone else. If you found out that someone had the exact same experience as you, would you say it was their fault for letting it happen because they were never forced? Probably not. The truth is that you are no different from this hypothetical person. You did not deserve it. What happened is not your fault.

It's easier said than done to overcome internalized victim-blaming, as well as trauma and the responses you may have developed as a result. It's essential to be gentile and patient with yourself as you process your experiences and your feelings.

It's also common for trauma survivors, especially CSA survivors, to miss their abuse. Especially when you've been raised to closely associate sex with an expression of love, it can be hard to separate those two concepts. It isn't necessarily untrue that sex can be an expression of love, but there are many alternatives to express love than having sex. These alternatives would be significantly healthier than sex between a parent and a child.

Many survivors, myself included, turn to BDSM to cope. I would say that this is okay, to a limit. It largely depends on how you're engaging with BDSM. If you're using it to self-trigger or re-traumatize yourself then it might need some reconsideration. But as long as you're mindful of your triggers and making sure enthusiastic consent is mutually present at all times, it can be a healthy way to approach and engage with it. The main thing is that you know yourself best, and to be mindful of what BDSM may be doing to your mental health.

As long as your partner supports you, it shouldn't jeopardize your relationship if your recovery changes your mindset regarding sex. If your partner is no longer interested in the relationship after you reach a healthier place mentally, then perhaps that's for the best.

I hope I could help. Best of luck with pursuing therapy. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[lawyer-in-law]

Time to rant some more about my boy Phoenix Wright!

(This will most likely be pretty incoherent but I digress)

Phoenix is just, chef's kiss when it comes to characterization and it amazes me how frequently I've seen "beanix isn't true to character" around. Like, he's absolutely on brand. They took trilogy Phoenix Wright and made him realize that rock bottom had a basement. It makes me wonder how people think he was "supposed" to act.

I know most of what I say has, for the most part, already been said in much better words but, to me, Beanix is the most realistic conclusion to come out of the whole disbarrment trial.

Throughout the trilogy he did a great job evading personal questions and, I think, even did a really good job at making people think he divulged more than he really did. He also went out of his way to make sure a lot of his true, more negative feelings stayed hidden and internal (like OP said with always smiling through the stress). Boy's masking. He keeps most things to himself, especially things that are hard for him or that caused him trauma. I full-heartedly believe that Phoenix finds purpose in helping others with absolutely no intent on letting people help him for whatever reason. That everyone is deserving of help except for himself. Why? I don't know. But I think the Dahlia/Iris situation is a big part of it and maybe being ashamed of himself for that era in his life based on how he changes how he carries himself from then to the first game. I also think Phoenix has been hurt and betrayed many times over and when things like that happen, it's easier to keep to yourself because being vulnerable and letting people in too much gives them too much to hit back at you with.

And Phoenix gets hurt so badly even with evasion. Miles' "prosecutor Edgeworth chooses death" broke Phoenix to a whole other level. So I think it's completely natural that once he's betrayed by the whole system he's trying so hard to save, stripped of his life's purpose and one of his greatest passions, he falls into Beanix' characterization. Beanix's personality makes complete and utter sense to me. Of course he'd fold even further in on himself than he already has.

If he pretends he doesn't care, he can pretend it doesn't hurt so much, and he can't let it hurt him because he has a daughter to raise. And so he does what he needs to do to survive for his daughter. To make sure she is loved and taken care of. How he treats Trucy as Beanix is also super on-brand for him, even if he's become even more evasive and cynical than before. He puts so much love and effort into Trucy and making sure that if he could save anyone, he could at least save her.

For the longest time, Trucy is the only proof that he'd been able to save anyone. And sure he probably feels like it's his fault for her being without Zak in the first place, but he won't leave her. And she's happy with him. They're so happy together.

So, yes, as Beanix, Phoenix is more cynical, obviously depressed, super evasive, and kind of a little shit, but in some way he has always kind of been that way. It just took an extreme life crisis to make those attributes explode enough to consume him.

But the most Phoenix thing he could've done, he did, and that was to take in Trucy and give her a home and a family, even if it was just him.

Phoenix's stalwart refusal to talk about himself unless he's being interrogated into it, and his multiple mantras about smiling under stress make me wonder why some people have difficulty believing that Beanix is a reasonable place for his character to go

[sakurarisen]

" look at me. " from Thoma obviously because one small cat needs the grounding <3

Send 'Look at me' to re-catch Sera's attention in tense moments!

Deep breaths. Sera knew to take deep, calming, steadying breaths when she was scared, even out her focus, pin her focus onto something else... It should've been easy. She'd had so much practice, and when she was back in Mondstadt, putting into practice all the coping mechanisms and distractions she'd learned regularly went off... Not without a hitch, really, but usually fairly well, though she didn't doubt having her family there helped more than she ever thought it could. She'd been learning these things for this exact reason, and she just needed to remember them and use them!

But that was easier said than done when she was standing in the courtyard of the Kamisato estate, frozen completely solid, eyes wide and breath caught in her throat. She'd heard thunder. It'd been distant and soft, but she knew she'd heard thunder. Though the Shogun's angry storms had long since cleared and Inazuma turned toward improvement and peace, the weather still brought storms on its own - Storms she couldn't remember ever being caught up in alone during her visits before.

Storms she was already panicking over, to boot, sucking in a deep breath. Zack was out of the estate for work, and while she was a common face from their frequent visits, she was far from friends with most of the staff; she'd need to find a hiding place on her own. She'd need a tight spot, preferably a corner under a table of some kind, and a blanket alongside something to squeeze tight, somewhere where nobody could hear or see her, or even stumble across her. She'd nee-

CRASH!

The rumble of thunder that'd frozen her thoughts had been closer than the first, and in an instant, a squealed cry left her lips, the leopard recoiling into herself and slapping her hands over her ears in terror. She hated storms, feared everything about them - It was a trauma left over from when she'd been traveling as a young teen, and while she'd been doing better with Zack's tricks and affection to get her through it and drown it out, being alone in a home not her own, in a country she was only a visitor in, made this one particularly difficult to handle even so early into it. She had nothing to listen to and drown it out, no warmth from her husband's hold, nothing to distract her - And in a panic, Sera quickly turned, looking for somewhere, anywhere, to hide herself away and sob. Anywhere she could get away from it and pray to the archons it wouldn't hurt-

"Sera... Look at me."

Thoma. The storm could get Thoma, her elder brother, and it could hurt him! It could hit him, it could take him away, it could make him go away forever and hurt him and- And-! The storm would take him from her-

Ever so gently, fingers curled around her chin, gently but firmly guiding her from her panicked searching for a hiding place to instead face a taller blonde, refusing to let her go until it broke through to her the worried, grassy green stare she'd found was that of her brother. Even so, the sight of him did little to keep her still, and in a flash she'd reached out to grab his shirt, tears spilling over before she'd even realized they'd built up enough to do so. "T-Tho.. Thoma- T-Thoma please- I-! I-It won't- I-It'll get you!"

Even in her frenzied state, she knew his soft, warm smile was anything but insulting. He knew of her trauma, had sat and listened when she'd been ready to tell him about it, and knew just why she feared the storm 'getting him' so much - And while to some it'd sounded ridiculous in the past, to him, it was enough for a gentle reminder: "Hey. Look at me, okay?"

Trembles shook her shoulders, but with a little hesitation, she did as requested... Just to be pulled into his arms a second later, one carefully settled around her head so that his bicep and bottom of his palm pressed against her ears. It wasn't enough to completely muffle the next crash of thunder, but it was to send her further into his hold rather than scrambling for a hiding place, tightening her grip on his shirt like to let go would be to lose him to the thunder.

It took but a moment before she could feel them moving, shuffling across the courtyard, her own feet sliding and shuffling rather than taking full steps. She'd feel ridiculous for this later, but for now...

"Just look at me when we get inside, okay? I promise, I won't leave you, so just look at me."

"Okay..."

For now, she could focus on her big brother, her shield against all things terrifying - Including the storms of Inazuma.

[journalofsorts2]

sometimes i wish my parents hit me. i wish they made marks that everyone could see. and i know that's not a good thing to wish for, obviously i know that, but i think it's just easier to answer people when they ask how exactly i grew up in an abusive house with a 'they beat me' or 'they put out their cigarettes on my arms' or some other stereotypical abuse like that where people don't question you, where they don't doubt that it happened, where they don't doubt that you're hurt years after their actions. i wish they hit me because then people would fucking believe that my parents are bad parents. i wish they hit me because then i would believe that they're bad parents. i keep trying to convince myself i'm not in the wrong for cutting contact with my mom, i keep trying to convince myself that it's valid to feel angry at my dad for the ways he's treated me, but when the words come out of my mouth i can see on people's faces that they don't believe it, and that makes me doubt it too. i know my mom was abusive, i know she is abusive but whenever someone asks what she's done to me i come up blank. when someone asks me what kind of things she'd say to me, i can't remember. and logically i know this is because my brain's blocked out the trauma. logically i know it's because i have memory issues. but it feels like if i can't remember it, then it didn't happen. if i can't remember all those horrible things she'd say to me, then i'm not justified in my cut contact with her. and the same goes for my dad too. if i can't remember the things he'd yell at me then why am i sitting here crying about it? if i can't remember how exactly i was frightened of him, then was i really scared at all? and it's just idk man, i wish all these scars weren't internal. i wish i had marks and bruises and scabs and scars to show all the ways they've hurt me. i wish i had that so bad because then maybe i could take myself seriously when it's 11pm and i'm crying in my bed because i've never felt loved. idk man. i wish i had proof that my childhood was one big nightmare i can barely remember. i wish i got to show up to school with a black eye instead of puffy eyes from the tears of night before crying about the things they said. i wish i was out of this god damn house already that's what i wish. i hate living here. i hate it. i want to off myself for every second i spend stuck in this horrid house. i hate the way i can't go to the bathroom without remembering all the times i was sitting there on the floor muffling my cries. i hate that i can't even use a fucking towel without seeing one of my older siblings names embroidered on the corner of it. i hate that backyard because it's seen too much of me. i hate the walls because they know how low i've been. i hate that god damn couch because i used to love it. i hate coming down the stairs because i remember all the times i was sent there because my cries were too loud. that's a memory i only recently got back. i would do something stupid as a toddler/little kid and a parent would scold me and i would cry and they would send me to sit at the bottom of the stairs until i cried myself out because my cries were too annoying and they would yell at me to be quieter when i was on the stairs because i'm a loud crier. that's why i can't yawn while i'm crying otherwise it makes me cry even more. idk man. i fucking hate existence. i think i would be able to handle it better if there was just one person in this world who loved me and was capable of actually showing that they loved me. i think that's all i want from life. to be loved. to be wanted. i don't care about the rest. just someone please love me. someone please want me.

[mypoisonedvine]

𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙮 𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 (𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘐𝘐) || sub!bucky barnes x dominatrix!reader

(𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘐)

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 || your newest client asks you to give him a real challenge, and you’re happy to oblige.  

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 || 6.3k

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 || smut but no actual sex (lots of handjob stuff though and some brief oral m receiving), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, more cnc (because of the overstimulation), bondage, edging, impact play (riding crop), brief cock torture (she just hits him with the crop a couple times), implied “kink as trauma response” (this is gonna be a theme throughout the whole fic), forced to break a rule/doomed to fail/impossible challenge (idk how to warn for this but yeah), forced voyeurism?, thigh riding (reader rides bucky’s thigh), some degradation/dumbification, brief/implied dacryphilia, a bit of angst/feelings

new parts posted on thursdays!  join the taglist here

“Can’t,” he sighed, “can’t come again.”

He looked so painfully adorable when he begged like that, his brow glistening with sweat as he jerked under your touch.  “Aw, poor baby,” you pouted, twisting your hand when it stroked over the head of his cock, “yes you can.  I know you can.  Just gimme one more.”

“F-fuck,” he whimpered, “Mistress, please— just stop, please, I can’t… can’t take any more…”

“I know you can, sweetheart— I know you can be my good boy and keep coming for me.  Tell me your color.”

“Yellow,” he whispered.

“Think you’re almost done?” you pressed, smiling when he nodded breathlessly.  “Yeah, there’s my good boy— gonna come again for your Mistress?”

“Yes,” he breathed, baring his teeth as his hips bucked wildly to try to avoid further sensation, “y-yes, one more, just one more, I’m gonna— fuck, gonna come, just don’t stop… fuck, it hurts.”

“I know, but you’re being so good for me,” you purred.  “You like it when I milk your pretty cock, don’t you?  Even though it hurts?”

He winced but nodded.  “C-coming, Mistress, fuck, I’m coming…!”

Since it was his fifth of the evening, he could only give you one thick drop of come that gathered at his slit before running down over your hand which finally slowed to a stop.

You both sighed with relief as you pulled your hand away and leaned back, admiring how beautiful he looked as he caught his breath, covered in come and sweat.

"Good job," you praised with a chuckle, "I hope I didn't go too hard on you."

"N-no, that was… that was really good," he sighed, slumping back onto the bed.  "Can I use your shower before I go?"

"Yeah, totally," you nodded.

After a long pause, you gave him a confused look.  

"I thought you were gonna shower?" you reminded him.

"Oh… I guess I have to get up for that," he sighed, making you laugh.

"Rest a bit longer.  You've had a… challenging afternoon."

He nodded a little and you got up from the bed to go wash your hands and freshen up a little, smiling at your own appearance in the mirror— sometimes you forgot how you looked when you did this, but there was an undeniable aura of power around you… especially after a session like that.

This was only your third week with James, and already the dynamic felt so natural between you— and yet, so fresh compared to your other clients.  Normally it took longer for a newbie to get comfortable with you, yet most of them had had multiple doms before and here was James, totally inexperienced and taking it all like a champ.  There was an air of innocence about him, you figured, in contrast to this undeniable strength and intensity that you caught glimpses of from time to time.

Sometimes, it felt like he was chasing an innocence he lost a long time ago.  Whatever it was that drew him to this, you were happy to help him along the way.

It was probably a little dangerous to enjoy sessions with a client so much; even though you often pretended that everything was about your pleasure and not theirs, obviously since they were the paying customer it was the complete opposite in reality.  But there was an equity to the dynamic with you and Bucky, he served you with a real dedication rather than for his own gain.  And you, meanwhile, had rediscovered the fun in this career that had originally drawn you to it in the first place.  It was less like a science now, more like an art— you let yourself go with your instincts and do whatever felt right in the moment, and both of you benefitted for it.  

“Come on, get up and clean yourself off,” you encouraged— gently, of course— as you left the bathroom and returned to find James laying sprawled out on the bed.

“I know you said falling asleep here was a one-time courtesy,” he remembered with a smile, “but I could use it now a lot more than I needed it then.”

Honestly, you didn’t see him smile that often.  It was pleasant; you hoped to see it again.  He did get up, though, and take the washcloth you handed him to wipe off the come that had gotten all over him.  “What are you thinking for next week?” you asked as you leaned against the wall.  “Any special requests?”

“We can discuss all that over the phone,” he decided.  You still didn’t understand fully why he didn’t like to discuss future scenes in person; it was like he wanted the in-person interactions to be as ‘in character’ (if you will) as possible.

“Alright, just keep me updated,” you requested with a shrug.

You got changed while he took his shower, and when he emerged to the living room he seemed surprised to see you sitting on your own couch.  After a moment, you realized it was the fact that you were in normal clothes that threw him off.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in jeans before… or pants of any kind.”

You looked down at your outfit with a smile, glad it was at least still professional and not sweats and a t-shirt or something.  “Yeah, I guess you haven’t.  First time for everything, right?”

“Yeah, had a lot of first times with you,” he chuckled.  “Most significantly less mundane than this.”

A brief silence filled the room but it wasn’t exactly awkward, at least not for you.

“Well, I’ll see you next week,” he decided as he grabbed his jacket from your chair and slipped it on.  You’d been spending most of this session trying to forget how good he looked in the leather motorcycle cut, so that was out the window now as you tried to keep from visibly biting your lip while he walked towards the door.

Damn, he was fine.  But there were more pressing matters at hand.  Like preparing yourself and your apartment for your next appointment.  This guy wanted to get slapped around until he cried… shouldn't be too difficult, but your arms would probably be sore tomorrow.

Opposite of last week, I really want you to edge me tonight, as long as possible.

Don't go easy on me, make me hold it in.  I need a challenge this week.

-J

It was odd how emails from James made your week.

He seemed to prefer to communicate his desire with you this way; maybe it was easier for him, and you couldn’t really blame him for that.  The nice part was that you didn’t have to temper your reactions, if you had any, since you were always alone when you got his messages.  You might be old hat at it now, but you could remember a time that you had to hide a grimace when a client told you to your face what he wanted.  Not that you would shame them for it or anything (unless, you know, they paid you to), but you didn’t enjoy everything you did with these men.

Did you enjoy everything you did with James?  Yes, but you were pretending not to— for your own sake.

You dressed a bit differently for today’s session, more conservatively… not that it was especially conservative by any other person’s standards.  But it left your legs and chest covered, somewhat in the spirit of ‘mean corporate businesswoman’ aesthetically.  For some reason you felt like using a riding crop required wearing pants.

James certainly didn’t seem to mind, with the way he nervously cleared his throat after you opened the door.

“Good to see you again,” you greeted formally, “please, come in.”

He stepped past you, still looking at you and not at what was in front of him, meaning he ended up slamming himself gut-first into your kitchen island.

“Oh!  Are you alright?” you smiled when you noticed. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” he nodded, rubbing his stomach for a second but recovering quickly.  “I told you I can take a lot of pain,” he joked.

“Well, we’re going to put that to the test today,” you promised cryptically.  “You must’ve seen the crop on the table.”

He nodded again.  “Yeah....”

“Are you looking forward to it?”

“Yes,” he answered, a bit too quickly.

“Then let’s get you tied up, James.”

Straddling his lap, you realized the rope was a bit too tight when you saw it digging into his skin; maybe he wouldn’t mind that, but you did, so you pushed the rope back through itself to loosen it slightly.

“How long did it take you to learn all these knots?” he asked casually, watching your fingers nimbly work the ropes around his wrists.

“Not too long,” you shrugged, “I’ve only been doing this a few years… but I knew them before that.”

“Boating school?  Boy Scouts?” he suggested jokingly.

“Just a hobby,” you decided, dodging the covert question about your past.  “Were you a Boy Scout?”

“Do I look like a Boy Scout?” he countered with a scoff.

“Not anymore,” you shrugged, “but I bet you did once.  You’re sorta innocent, you know.”

He swallowed dryly, and you raised an eyebrow as you glanced from the knot you were tightening to his face, which looked a bit flustered.  “R-really?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed, leaning back on your heels to look at him straight-on.  “Are you surprised to hear that?”

He nodded quickly, and you laughed.

“Aw, you thought you were so kinky, huh?  So dirty,” you purred, running your hand up his leg until he tugged slightly on the newly-tied ropes— a subtle way to get him to test them for you.  “But you’re really not.  You’re just my sweet, innocent boy.”

He whined— really, properly whined— and you dug your nails into his skin until he hissed instead.

“I don’t think you believe me,” you noticed, leaning back to reach for the crop behind you.  “You think you’re so filthy and perverted, right?  Are you a pervert, James?”

“Yes,” he breathed, shivering as you let the crop slide gently over his skin— his abs, his hips, his legs which were already quivering so adorably.  “Yes, Mistress.”

“And how’s that?”

“I think about… getting hurt,” he admitted weakly, “when I touch myself.  And I touch myself all the fucking time.”

“Yeah?  How many times a day do you stroke that pretty cock, James?”

“Twice every morning,” he blurted out, “after that it depends.”

You didn’t let yourself show your surprise at that number.  “Depends on what?”

When he hesitated, you hit him sharply on the thigh and he winced.  “Depends on what I… what I end up thinking about.  Sometimes… sometimes something reminds me, and I have to get off.”

Something told you not to press on what it was that he needed to be reminded of, and why it made him want to jerk off so bad.  Something told you he wasn’t ready to tell that story yet.  “Did you touch yourself today already?” you asked instead.

“No, no ma’am,” he shook his head, voice wavering as you brushed the crop over his chest, “it’s… it’s different with you.”

“Yeah, I bet it is,” you smirked, hitting him on the stomach quickly.  “I bet you’re finally satisfied, right?  Nothing’s ever worked for you before.”

“Yes,” he moaned, crying out slightly when you hit him on the arm (flesh— you were too afraid what sound the metal one would make) much harder than before.  “The nights I see you, I… I can sleep.”

“You sleep better?”

“No, I just… sleep.”

You tried not to react to that, moving to a new question instead.  “Do you want me to hit you again?  Or do you want me to stroke your cock for you?”

An obvious choice to some, surely, but he seemed to really struggle with it.

“Which one do you think you deserve?” you asked instead.

“Hit me more,” he decided.

Instantly, you struck him once on the face and again on the shoulder, then moved down to his legs for three in a row in spite of the way his body jerked away instinctively.  

“Fuck,” he sobbed, “don’t stop— I need more…”

You focused on his legs, on the inside of his thigh where he seemed the most sensitive.  His twisted joy turned to true fear, though, when you brushed the end of the crop over his balls.  “Do you want me to hit you here?” you challenged.

“I… I don’t know,” he stammered.

“Let’s make a deal, James,” you offered, “wherever I hit you, I’m gonna kiss it to make it better.”

“Then hit me wherever you want,” he nodded, almost smiling at you.  He cried through his teeth when you whipped his shaft with the crop— not especially hard, in fact quite delicately, though the second was harder.  And the third, though not much more aggressive, was right on the sensitive tip; his eyes shot open and his hips jerked away.

“So good, such a good boy,” you whispered proudly, putting the crop aside to lean in and kiss his cheek where you’d hit him before, his shoulder, his arm.

You worked your way down carefully as he breathed heavily beneath you, whimpering slightly when you kissed his thighs and notably ignored his flexing, leaking cock.  “Please,” he whimpered.

“Shh, be patient,” you soothed, “be my good boy.”

“Your good boy,” he repeated, trying to restrain himself but already bucking up into the air again, “fuck, wanna be your good boy, Mistress.”

“Are you already close, pet, just from getting hurt?” you asked in a faux pout.  “You’re not gonna come if I give your pretty cock some kisses, right?”

“I— I won’t come,” he promised.  “Not until I get permission.”

“Baby, it’s gonna be a long fuckin’ time before you get permission,” you promised with a toothy grin.  “Look down at me, honey, I want you to see this.”

He hesitated for a second but obeyed, looking down at you with an expression that was full of awe as you gripped his cock and gave gentle, teasing kisses up his shaft.  It bobbed in your hands with each one, and he let out the most beautiful sigh when you kissed the tip carefully.

A wide lick made him jerk beneath you.  “F-Fuck,” he stammered.

“You said you wouldn’t come,” you reminded him.  “Can I keep going?  Are you gonna be a good boy?”

“Don’t stop, please,” he breathed, “I’ll be good.”

Taking the head between your lips, you suckled gently as he shivered and moaned.  You weren’t sure you’d ever been with anybody— on or off the clock— who was so sensitive.  And you loved it, honestly; who could resist those precious noises he made?

As much as part of you wanted to go nuts and really push him to the edge, you tried to be gentle and careful so as not to make it impossible for him to hold back.  But even then, when you gently grasped his balls in one of your hands and squeezed them, he apparently couldn’t take anymore.

"S-stop," he hissed, and you pulled back, sitting up.

"You were close?" you asked, and he nodded a little.  "Oh, what a good boy."

He whimpered briefly.  "Yes, your good boy, Mistress…"

Your fingers trailed delicately up the underside of his cock, making him shiver violently.  "I know you want to come, but you want to be good even more.  You're such a sweet little pet."

It seemed like the praises did more to keep him on the edge than the touches, so you kept both going; wrapping your fingers around the ridge of his head, you gave the most gentle and subtle strokes, and leaned in to whisper against his ear.

“Is this why you wanted me to edge you today, James?  So you could show me how good you can be?” 

“I-I don’t know,” he blurted out, rocking his hips as best he could while restrained, “I just wanted to… I just wanted you to make me wait.”

“Well, you don’t need to worry about that,” you laughed slightly, “I can make you wait all day.  Is that what you want?”

“No, that’s— not that long, I can’t wait that long,” he shuddered.

“Mm, that sounds like your problem, not mine,” you smirked.  “Not sure why I asked what you want, honestly… cause I don’t fucking care.”

His choked-out whine was too perfect to ignore.

“Oh, what a pathetic little moan that was, poor baby,” you cooed mockingly, “are you regretting it now?  You’re probably wondering what you got yourself into, ‘cause you’re worried Mistress is never gonna let you come.”

“No, I don’t regret it,” he denied weakly, “whatever you want— do whatever you want to me, just… give me what I deserve, please.”

You stopped touching him completely and he straight-up sobbed.  “You don’t deserve anything from me, James.  You don’t deserve me at all.”

He told you before that he liked when you rapidly cycled between soft and mean.  Kept him on his toes, apparently.  Honestly, you felt a little guilty talking to him that way sometimes, but his cock leaking enough pre-cum to soak the bedsheets beneath him was a sign you were doing something right.  “I know!” he cried.  “I know, fuck, I’m sorry, but I need you.  I fucking need you, Mistress, please— you know I’ll do anything.”

“I’m feeling generous today,” you shrugged, “so I won’t ask you for much.  Just beg me a little more.”

“Please, pleasepleaseplease,” he rushed, “touch me.  Anywhere, whatever you want, I just need to feel you.  I know I… fuck, I know I don’t deserve it, but let me try to— to earn it.  Please.”

You knew if he had it his way, he wouldn’t do much talking at all.  But you couldn’t just let him have it his way, now could you?  It was better to make him just the right amount of nervous, just the slightest hair uncomfortable, by making him talk to you.  And, of course, you liked the way his deep and rough voice got all whiny and needy like this.

One finger under his chin guided him to look up at you, those pretty blue eyes watery and sparkling and wide with misplaced innocence.

“Tell me who you belong to, James,” you instructed darkly.

“You, Mistress,” he whispered, “I’m yours, I— oh fuck…”

Unshockingly, he was reduced to only moans again when you started stroking his cock, the slick precum making every movement smoother.  “All mine, huh?  My little toy?” you confirmed, but he could only nod and swallow thickly.

You sped up quickly, getting faster and faster until you were really, properly jerking him off and he was biting hard on his lip.  Just when he seemed to really fall into it, get almost comfortable, you had to stop.

"Oh, fuck—" he gasped, bucking his hips up to try to chase your hand when you pulled away, but it was no use with him tied up.  You watched his cock bob in the air and smiled.

“Did you think it was going to be that easy?” you smirked.

Shaking his head, you tilted yours to look at him, reaching up to trace your fingers over his chest.  

“Don’t lie, baby, you thought I was gonna let you come, didn’t you?  You’re so sweet, James, and so, so stupid.”

He gasped, and for a second you thought you might’ve gone too far, but it shifted to a moan quickly and you realized he was having the time of his life.

“Just my dumb, brainless little toy,” you continued with a snarl, watching him tug at the ropes as his eyes fluttered shut.  “It’s okay, James, it’s okay… you don’t need to think, I don’t want your mind.  It’s useless.  I want this pretty cock, that’s all I want from you.”

“It’s all yours, Mistress,” he promised, cheeks burning bright red and eyes forced shut.  “All of it, I swear.”

“I know,” you cooed, holding his face gently to soothe him a bit.  But then your other hand wrapped around his cock and he was anything but soothed.  “Shh, shh, don’t make any sounds, you’re just a toy and toys need to stay quiet.”

You missed his noises, actually, but he looked so cute biting his lip and struggling to suppress them.  His cock was so swollen in your hand that you honestly wondered if it was somehow getting bigger.  Was that even possible?  Your mouth was watering regardless.

“I’m gonna give you a little break,” you promised gently, “but I’ll be honest, pretty boy… I don’t think you’re gonna like it one bit.”

The look he gave you beautifully balanced fear with anticipation, and you stopped stroking him to reach over towards the bedside drawer and pull out a vibrator.

“Your Mistress is feeling a little.... self-indulgent today,” you winked.  “And since I, unlike you, don’t need to hold myself back from coming, I think I might as well get myself off if I want to.”

His throat bobbed as he swallowed dryly, watching you closely as you stood up off the bed and started to carefully undress yourself.  It was a lot more fun to get naked when you were wearing something that didn’t actually show much skin— the button-up seemed to really get him going, his tongue mindlessly darting out to lick his lips as you opened one button at a time.

Once it was off your shoulders and on the floor, and he could see the almost-transparent bra you had on, you moved to opening your trousers as well.  Just to be mean, you faced the other way as you pushed them down over your ass; you heard his breath catch and you smirked to yourself, spinning to face him again in just the matching, dark red bra and panty set.

“What do you think, do you like this better than the black ones?” you asked coyly.

“I like you naked better than both,” he answered, and you grinned.

“I’m gonna let that backtalk slide just once because it’s not worth my time to go over there and slap you for it,” you decided.  “But don’t test me, James.”

“Yes, Mistress,” he answered dutifully, sounding a bit out of breath as he watched you climb back onto the bed, positioning yourself carefully.

You faced him straight-on and laid your legs over his, meaning your lace-covered pussy was in full view and only inches from his leaking cock— the damn thing looked sore by now, purple at the tip and just as desperate for attention as the rest of him.

When you pulled the fabric aside to show him your cunt, he hissed and looked away.

“Look at me, James, keep your eyes open,” you demanded, seeing how totally wrecked he looked when he turned his head back to you and stared down at your body with half-lidded eyes.  “Look at how fucking soaked my pussy is.  You remember how it feels to be inside it, don’t you?”

He swallowed, sighed, and finally (just barely) nodded.

“You remember how hot and wet and tight it is, don’t you?”

“Y-yes,” he choked.

“Well, that memory’s all you’ve got to work with, sweet boy, because I don’t think I’m ever gonna let you fuck this pussy again.”

He really, properly sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks, and those arms flexed against the ropes defiantly.  “N-no, please—” 

“I’m gonna make myself come with this,” you promised, interrupting him as you grabbed the vibe, “and I want you to remember how it feels when I come around you, okay?  

Turning it on, you wasted no time pressing it to your clit, moving the end of the toy in slow circles and keeping a close eye on him as he watched you.  Your intention had always been to give him a show, but the embarrassing thing was how little of it was an act.  Ironically, even though you’d been edging him this whole time, having to touch him that way without any pleasure for yourself was almost as torturous.  You’d soaked through your panties by the time you had him tied up, to be totally honest.  So, giving into it and letting yourself feel good was a breeze.

“Think about when I was riding you, James,” you instructed, your own voice clearly affected by your pleasure now.  “Think about how good it would feel if I let you come inside me.”

“Oh, god,” he cried, leaning his head back.

“Think about my pussy milking every fucking drop of come out of you.  You know I wouldn’t let you stop until I was completely full of your come, I bet you’d like that.  I bet you’d like to eat your come out of me, you sick little pervert.”

“Fuck!” he yelped, tugging at the ropes harder now— for a second you thought he might really break them and jump you.  And for a second, you knew you’d let him.  It made your walls clench as you imagined facing the consequences of driving a man to the brink of insanity until he couldn’t help but fuck you like an animal.  It was a good thing he didn’t see you bite your lip as you imagined that.

“You know what I’m thinking about?” you taunted.  

“God, don’t tell me,” he sighed through his teeth, but obviously you ignored him.

“I’m thinking about what a good boy you are for me,” you cooed, your hips starting to rock up against where you held the end of the vibrator; you pressed it down harder onto your clit and moaned instantly.  “Yeah, I’m thinking about how pretty you look when you’re all desperate and needy and fucking pathetic—”

“Oh—” he choked.

“My dumb litlte whore, that’s all you are, James,” you groaned.  “I know you wish you could touch me, it’s all you can think about, right?  That pretty head of yours would be completely empty if it weren’t for thoughts of me and how badly you want me.  Right?”

“Yes,” he whispered huskily.

A shiver ran up your spine when the vibrator bumped into a more sensitive part of you, and you did it again and again until you thought you might lose it a bit faster than you meant to.  “This toy feels really good,” you informed him in a purr, gasping when you slipped the vibrating body of it into your pussy, “but it doesn’t feel as good inside me as you do.”

His eyes fell shut but he still winced a bit every time you made a sound; he couldn’t run from this, no matter how hard he tried.

“Oh James,” you moaned loudly, fucking yourself with the vibe for a moment before you pulled it back out to focus even harder on your clit, “I’m gonna come.  I’m so, so close… I can feel it getting stronger, I think I might make a mess on these sheets.  And the only way I’m ever gonna let you come is if you watch me do it.  So open your fucking eyes.”

He blinked quickly as he opened them, gaze scanning your whole body before settling on your cunt; you were sure he could see it pulsing as you got closer and closer, you knew he was imagining how it would feel.  You only spared a brief glimpse at his cock, bobbing between his legs, and wished you could just slip it in you now and come while it stretched you out. 

But that wasn’t what he was here for, sadly, and you were sure you were the only being truly denied of your desires, despite how it probably seemed from the outside.

“Oh my god,” you breathed, numbness starting to tingle in your legs as your orgasm built up quicker than even you expected.  “I’m coming— James, I’m coming, oh, fuck… right there— yes!”

A gush of heat warmed your cunt at the same time that shocks ran up your spine and down your limbs; you could feel your legs shaking, and you knew he could, too.  

It got so intense for a second that you had to pull the vibrator away, though you didn’t stop coming until a few moments later, eyes falling shut without you meaning for them to.

You actually laughed a bit, breathlessly, as you turned the vibe off and set it aside, although you weren’t sure exactly what was supposed to be funny about this per se.  When you opened your eyes, you saw James looking down and looking positively defeated.  But he looked tense, too, and you sat up on your wobbly legs to get closer to his face.  

“Relax, James,” you told him firmly as you examined him.

“I— I can’t,” he whispered. 

“Why not?”

“I’ll come.”

Nothing could fight your wide grin anymore, not when you heard that.  “Oh, baby… are you about to come without even being touched?  Is that how much you liked watching Mistress come?”

He nodded, ever so slightly, and you laughed.  Not quite a mocking laugh, moreso impressed.  Prideful, even.  You leaned in to give a wet kiss to his neck, licking over his pulse as he shivered violently.

“That’s my good boy,” you whispered against his skin.  He whined and you cooed soothingly right away, “oh I know, I know.  It’s so unfair, isn’t it?  Mistress gets to come and you don’t…”

“Please,” he stammered, “I’m so close, let me come, please.”

“But I don’t wanna see you come, baby— I wanna see you cry.”

You started to slide your hand down his chest and he jumped up to attention as he tried to squirm away.  “No, please, don’t— don’t touch my cock, not if I can’t come.”

“You can hold it in, can’t you?” you pouted.

“No, I can’t, I can’t,” he sobbed, watching fearfully as your hand moved down to his stomach and over his hips.  

“But I thought you were my good boy,” you frowned, suddenly wrapping your hand tight around his cock as he choked on a gasp.

“Mistress!” he sobbed.  “Please, don’t—  don’t move your hand, I’ll come.”

"Never fucking tell me what to do," you instructed firmly, just barely stroking as he cried weakly.  "I'm gonna touch you however I want and you're not gonna come because you're my good boy, right?"

"No, Mistress, I can't stop it, I'm gonna come— stop, please…"

"You'd better not fucking come," you hissed through your teeth, speeding up your movements and watching his eyes shoot wide open, "you'd better hold it in until I'm done with you."

"I'm trying— please slow down, can't take it—"

You shook your head, tutting disapprovingly.  "No, baby, I tell you what you can take."

"Oh— oh god, Mistress, please, please stop, please, I c-can't— fuck!"

You pulled your hand away the second his cock started to flex but it was too late: come was shooting from his swollen tip and painting his chest and stomach.  You didn't even wait until he was done to backhand him across the face.

"I'm sorry!" he yelled.  "I'm so sorry, I couldn't help it…"

You softened slightly when you heard his broken voice, saw the desperation and fear on his face— it was real, more real than the fake ‘no’s and the encouraging pleas for mercy.  "Baby, it's okay, you tried so hard," you soothed instantly.

Hope filled his eyes just as much as tears as he looked up at you.  "Am I still your good boy?"

"Always," you smiled, caressing his face where it was already turning red from your slap.  

You reached down and caressed his cock with the back of your fingers, watching it flex weakly.  

“Let’s get you cleaned up, alright?”

His lip twitched, almost like a wince.  “Do we… do we have to stop?”

You quickly glanced at the clock.  “Um, no,” you mumbled, “we still have time.  Just tell me what you want.”

“I wanna watch you come again…” he admitted softly.  “Is… is that okay?”

Although you weren’t sure what you’d been expecting, you were still surprised.  “Yeah, sure.”

“But… but closer this time,” he added, “not so far away.”

You were literally laying on top of him, how did that count as far away? 

“I wanna see your face,” he clarified.

“Okay,” you nodded, deciding to indulge him.  It was sort of like aftercare, except that this wasn’t exactly the ‘after’ part yet.

On your knees beside where he was leaning back against the headboard, you slipped your hand down into the lace panties again, finding your clit still swollen but not too sensitive.  A little gasp fell from your lips when you touched it, rubbing it carefully with two fingers while he looked up at your face.  

You felt slightly exposed when he watched you this close, and you didn’t know where to look to avoid direct eye contact.  Looking at his lips was just a little too tempting, so that wouldn’t work.

“My hands are a little tired,” you explained, “they might cramp up.  Maybe I could use your thigh…”

“O-okay,” he nodded, and you removed your fingers from your panties to sit down on the thick muscle of his leg.  You felt him tense up under you slightly, and you carefully began to rock your hips until your clit rubbed just right against the inside of your underwear.  Surely he could feel how wet you were— actually, you both could hear it, almost a wet clicking-like noise as the soaked lace slid against your skin.

The dynamic shifted slightly, not that you minded it, as he watched you ride him carefully.  Just as he couldn’t hide much from you when he was naked and tied up and baring his soul to you in the kinkiest way possible, you couldn’t hide your pleasure from him when he was looking at your face so up-close.  You let your hands carefully roam his body, narrowly avoiding the trails of cooling come he’d left on his stomach and chest, until you found his strong shoulders and held onto them for balance.

“Fuck,” you mumbled to yourself, biting your lip as your sore clit throbbed against his hard, muscular thigh.  

“Will you… could you kiss me?” he requested quietly, and your heart broke a little bit.  You shook your head, and he nodded in understanding.

“I’ll kiss you here,” you offered instead, whispering against his skin before you pressed your lips to his forehead, then his cheek, then his jaw.  “Is that better, James?”

“It helps,” he agreed in a sigh.  

“I’m close,” you warned quietly, pressing your cheek to his and weaving one hand into his hair.  “I’m gonna come again, on your thigh.”

“Let me touch you,” he begged, “just a little, please…”

You nodded, about to reach forward to untie one of his hands, but he snapped the ropes and you had totally forgotten he could do that.  He quickly ran his touch all over your body, calloused hands and bound wrists in stark contrast to your soft skin.  The metal one was a little cold but it didn’t bother you; the other was almost too hot, and it was like being warmed and cooled all at once.

He ran his fingers down your spine, he gripped one of your shoulders, he rubbed your legs: he did everything he must have been wishing he could do this whole time, even gasping as he ran one hand up your chest and over a cup of your bra.  Just as you sensed that he was about to ask if he could touch you there, you nodded and felt his metal hand tug down the red lace and grab your breast— thankfully not very hard, though he did give your nipple a quick pinch which made you gasp.

Burying his face in the crook of your neck, he finally settled his hands on holding your hips, just tight enough to slightly guide your movements as you rocked faster and more desperately.  “Please come,” he begged weakly, “Mistress, please… use me.”

It sort of hit you all at once then, like a punch to the gut.  Except, you know, a lot more fun than getting punched in the gut.

“James,” you gasped, legs quivering where they straddled his as a new patch of slick soaked the lace (and presumably his thigh as well).  He held you tight, kept you moving through it while your fingers tangled in his hair and your mouth fell slack for another, louder moan.

The way his lips moved over your skin, laving your collarbones and pulse point and the innermost corner of your jaw, was positively worshipful; reverent.  “Mistress,” he whispered, almost sounding like praise but tinted with awe.  Your movements slowed down to a stop and the two of you breathed a sigh together, unintentionally.  “Thank you,” he mumbled.

“What for?” you asked, blinking quickly and looking down at him, coming back to reality (though you weren’t quite sure where else it was that you had just been).

“I dunno, everything,” he decided.

“Don’t thank me,” you smiled.  “Keep paying me, though.”

He laughed a little, glancing away.  “Yeah, and I’ll pay you back for these ropes… sorry."

"No, hey, don't be sorry," you dismissed, getting up off of his leg and standing up to go grab a towel for him.  "I'm just sorry we still haven't found anything strong enough to hold you."

"It's fine, they're strong enough to make me stop myself when I want to do something I shouldn't, that's all that really matters."

You nodded to yourself as you dampened the towel and came back to wipe him off.

"I can do that for myself," he reminded you, sounding a bit embarrassed, but you thought it was sweet. 

“You just focus on getting those ropes off of yourself,” you decided with a little smile.

[smallvictorianchildwhofoundwifi]

I feel like I should also be putting this under a read-more so

AAAAAAAA our poor boy

When I first thought of "Oh what if Monoma actually died" my thought was that hit to the head had killed him- it was a lot worse than it looked, there were more blows, something like that. But blunt force trauma would be a lot harder to... revive?? from.

BUT A STAB WOUND- OHHHH a stab to the lung 😭😭😭 and his quirk saving him would be AMAZING, that would be such a poetic thing. His "villainous" quirk is the thing that saved him AAAAAA

Monoma 🤝🏼 Uraraka- getting stabbed by a twice clone

Also I can't get this one thought out of my head that the two were "dead" at an overlapping point and saw each other in the afterlife and- I'll just write it

"I had this dream again last night."

His classmate looked over at the blonde hero, confused as they never remembered him bringing up some reoccurring dream before.

"Explain?" Was her only response, Kendo was always quick to the point, never one to beat around the bush- a juxtaposition to Monoma.

"Well it wasn't exactly a dream, my subconscious wouldn't create this. It was more like my brain keeps replaying this memory over and over again. I don't know why." Whether Monoma knew that his classmate meant "explain the dream/memory" Kendo couldn't tell, not when talking to this particular individual.

"So it was a memory? You don't sound very sure." Kendo's face went from confused to worried as she tried to piece what he was saying together.

Monoma just kept looking up at the sky, though there wasn't a cloud in sight. Almost like he was scared to make eye contact as he talked about this.

"Well it's a strange memory. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't believe me or thought that it really was just a dream. It's honestly easier to believe that then to think that this actually happened." Kendo said nothing, allowing him to continue.

"It was something that happened during the war," though he wasn't looking, he could see his class prez sit up straighter, "it was after I had gotten knocked out from the Twice clones. I- it was so bright, and soft. I felt like I was sitting on a cloud in the sky, on the kind of day that you go out to the park." Monoma stopped, he had never spoken of this memory out loud and now that he was doing that he sounded silly.

Kendo said nothing, waiting for him to continue as much as it silently scared her. "... I didn't think about where I was at the moment. Either I had forgotten where I should be or I had just accepted in my subconscious that I was dead.

"The strangest part about this memory, what makes me know that it wasn't a dream- because my dream would never do this- is that that Uraraka girl was there. The two of us were the only ones on that cloud and we were too tired for bickering or insults- it didn't even come to my mind to do that. We just," he finally stopped looking at the cloud that wasn't there and looked at Kendo who kept no expression on her face. "Talked."

"You talked?" She finally spoke up, assuming Monoma was done.

"Yeah." His short, wistful answer only scared her more. This conversation felt so out of place with her classmate. Obviously he knew how to be serious and decisive, Kendo has seen it time and time again, but now he was just... faraway. Spacey. Withdrawn from his own body, like he was still there on that cloud.

"Do you know what you talked about?" Kendo hoped he didn't have an answer, hoped he didn't know all the details, that there was some evidence that this wasn't a memory- really just a dream. But if he was certain then so was she.

Monoma looked away again and started laughing, a softer version of his usual insane laugh, "Do I? She kept going on and on about some girl. When I asked who she was talking about she just said 'The cutest girl in the world'. I said 'Who?' And she acted like it was the most obvious answer ever when she told me who she was talking about." He kept laughing like it was some fond memory and not the afterlife.

"She's a crazy one, that class A girl." Ironic who that was coming from but Kendo didn't say that. What she did say:

"And what did you talk about?" She didn't particularly care for who Uraraka was talking about, but thought it was strange that Monoma was sharing his own memory but wasn't talking about him.

Monoma stopped laughing and gave her a confused look, "What do you mean?"

"Well you said the two of you talked right? So what did you talk about?"

He sat quiet for a moment before shrugging. "I didn't say much. Thought it would be rude to interuppt.

But after a while, I felt like I was disappearing from the cloud and I suddenly woke up in the hospital bed." And they ended that conversation.

Kendo cares a lot about her classmates, she practically sees them as family and Monoma knows that, so he didn't want to want to freak her out. Monoma did talk, and Uraraka gave him plenty of open room to, she was actually kind of nice like that. But Monoma found it hard to speak sometimes, like his lungs were filled with water or something thicker and he was choking on it.

Okay so I haven't read the manga so I don't know jack, but IMAGINE with me

Monoma died in the war. Not like forever, but like how Bakugo and Uraraka (she died right? Or was close) died. How he came back to life I don't know but IMAGINE

i love this idea, and it is also ruining my life. thank you.

SPOILER WARNING

i legitimately worried that Hori may have killed Monoma off because of how long he was gone. like i heard that he got a statue, and before i saw the actual panels, i thought it was because he had straight up been killed and it was something built for him in memoriam.

that said, i love this concept (and also OUCH).

i image that, in a Monoma death au, he would have been stabbed while being taken down by the twice clones - knife straight through the lung. Monoma would die, and Aizawa would sit there knowing that he dragged two (TWO) children students straight to their deaths. it would be terrible and traumatic and great. it would probably be Copy that brought him back; his own quirk, desperately latching onto another to drag the breath into his lungs.

he wouldn't remember it, not properly. but when Monoma slept, he'd dream about choking on his own blood.

[musclesandhammering]

Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.