#And now none of us will stop saying it
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no longer done with everything my sister and her friend asked my mom how to say “I’m mewing” in Spanish
#She knows what mewing is but I’m like 90% sure there’s not really a translation for it#Or at least one that my mom knows#So she just goes “yo soy mewing”#And now none of us will stop saying it#S.K thinks
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maybe i'm a bitch but if i hear you go out of your way to judge someone's weight, i immediately lose trust in you & will probably forever find you a little unbearable . yes also the little floating bar over my head will start reading [hostile]. this is natural and u caused it.
#IF you do the therapy to stop being an asshole and make a POINT of being like#''i used to be a jerk about this but now i'm not''#..... we can reevaluate ....#btw i hope this doesn't need explanation and everyone can be normal on this post#and not be like#what if i am a DOCTOR and i was aSKED#like we all know what i'm referring to here#you're like in target and lizzo is playing in the background and they're like#DID YOU NOTICE THAT LIZZO IS FAT?#or ur on instagram and like some dude's comment is like#NICE ART BUT WHY ARENT YOU THIN#like .... okay we get it. we get it . go to sleep . go to therapy. bye.#ALSO BTW i am in recovery for an ED and im saying this AS someone with Brain Problems#pls do not clown on this and be like ''actually i'm allowed to be rude and judgemental''#no u aren't. none of us are. having an ED is not a pass for being a fucking dick#it can make you ACT like a dick. that isn't something you should be proud of or seek to continue#hence.... therapy!!!!!!!!#i know it's kind of controversial to say it but frankly i don't believe in infantilizing mental illness#by being like ''oh they can't help themselves''#bc that kind of thinking is .... unbelievably toxic lmafo#you might not be able to control your split-second thoughts/judgements#i have ocd i understand#but like. . . .. you know#we both know#this post is not about ''u blurted something u regret''#this post is about. THAT GUY
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Part of why I hate this fandom's take on Autobots vs Decepticons is ppl (mainly 'con fans honestly) who can't have any nuance of the situation whatsoever and love to write plots like "oh the humans are racist and abusive towards Cybertronians so this is how Megatron is right" no actually I don't think colonialism/imperialism and racism are justified so long as you can point the finger and say "they were the aggressors first" or "their hands are no cleaner than ours bc their society sucks too" sorry. Please come up with better sociopolitical narratives in your war story.
#squiggposting#i'm too tired to like actually care about this any more#and ppl's fandom takes don't necessarily represent their IRL views#but i'm just like. oh so i see that you want to write mature stories with politics and dealing with bigotry. that's cool!#now do it in a way that actually refutes bigotry and makes some sort of attempt at resolution#bc 'oh humans are just as bad and evil so it's fine if we colonize them' isn't the pro-con take ppl think it is lkdsfjlsdkfs#honestly this is what john barber got right in his story even tho the politics in his became overbearing#at least he's like the one dude who rightfullly pointed out 'uhhh organics have history with cybertronians that makes them very justified#'in not trusting them'#but my mistake is expecting the average 'con fan to disengage from the 'revolution' part to talk about the racism and imperialism lmao#if ppl weren't cowards they would be able to write characters as problematic and bigots and imperialists#but still show their humanity and point out how the cycle of retribution needs to end at some point#and how killing everyone who ever did anything bad (esp for a race as long lived as theirs) isnt a sustainable model of society#that's my PROBLEM man like stop being COWARDS acknowledge that your heroes can be shitty ppl#instead of framing things as good guys vs bad guys and then framing absolution as being only for the good guys#what if good and bad didn't exist and we were all shitty in some way and none of us inherently deserve forgiveness. what then#what if you wrote a story where you had to deal with the reality of rehabilitating ppl who have genuinely done horrible things#what if you wanted to rehabilitate society but realized the majority of ppl in it are monsters. what then?#do you only extend forgiveness and peace to the ppl who got thru with no moral compromises?#do you want to kick the majority/almost all of your race to the curb and give them no mercy/second chances?#what if ppl wrote stories where sociopolitical issues had no good/bad guys and no easy solutions#what if ppl had the courage and ethical fortitude to say 'everyone here sucks actually'#anyways sorry for the rant
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He couldnt take the idea of being an inanimate object of somebody else's desire one more fucking time,- a reality where he had no agency or choice of his own in, again, - so he doomed her into it. HE DOOMED HER INTO IT!!!!!
#casca#griffith#when i catch you griffithhhh🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪#berserk#i hate this. i hate it#they used abused and violated you so you take it out on her?? HER??? THE ONE PERSON WHO LOVED YOU THE MOST??? UNCONDITIONALLY??#nobody in this damn show deserves her. nobody.#fucking prick#i am once again emotionally unstable#NO I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS I WILL SAY IT AGAIN AND AGAIN OVER AND OVER AND NONE OF YOU CAN STOP ME#*caresses my phone screen melancholically* oh tiktoker ******** we're really in it now
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why apple pen always glitching leaving little dots everywhere making me go INSANE. this thing was so stupid expensive. why not make quality products. stupid ass
#fucking hate apple so bad#years and years and years of wacom tablets none of this issue.#but now ipad. i can lie down (blessing). easy convenient.#BUT. the fucking GLITCHING#alligates says things#might be bc of the silicon tips i use but like if ur going to make a product.#with a nib so fucking. NOT THAT durable.#and make the replacements like 10 dollars each. for the NIB. fuck you i'm buying 80 silicon caps for 3 dollars#this is so stupid#stop glitching im trying to draw fucking gunk my best friend
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saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad
#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries#it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc#ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop#like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions#cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt#you know how it goes#vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own#students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country#until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem#this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL#our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries!#but the mental image is a bit funny#vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa#i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med#expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc#anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history#i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3)#as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me)#lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc#theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly#being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her#lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao#years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth#cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination....#I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess#but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh.#skl.txt
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𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔
#it hurts but it is natural and im not oversensitive and im allowed to feel this way#the future i had envisioned and hoped for and believed in was just.. suddenly gone and im allowed to mourn the loss#because for an entire year i've been wanting this. and imagining it and thought of ways it could be real#and i didnt base my feelings only on imagination but on his words and him saying that we should figure out whatever was between us#and in the way we talked and what we shared and how he did start treating me as 'his girl'#which i also do not think was irresponsible nor am i upset by that. bc i wasnt 100% present bc of my avpd stuff#but it was so amazing and he was so amazing and i'd been having feelings for him for half a year before and then i only fell more and more#im trying to be as non specific as possible bc like i can only talk abt *me*.. but there were just sm other things and circumstances#so it got less and less intense.. and i wanted to give him space and patience and not push smth on him and be insensitive#then i told him abt being in love w him and wanting to be there for him w his struggles and working it out together#and im embarrassed af but i had honestly thought... that would be met well and with reciprocity...#(i understand that feelings cant be forced & im not upset or feel betrayed i just felt v sad bc i was so sure he would want me to be his gf#but i got neither a clear rejection nor much of what he was thinking abt me and what was between us. mostly just that it wasnt a good timin#so again i wanted to respect that and not keep push it. even if i tried bringing it up sometimes it never got anywhere and it didnt feel#right to just keep and keep on doing it. then there were times when i /felt/ rejection and got more hope based on interactions#truly i've been walking around for a year believing that this was smth that would come true if only we could talk#and i've been waiting and hoping and loving. and i've really been thinking of it as a real future#i even tried telling him a few months ago that if he wants me he can have all of me but he told me to stop so i did#and now i've learned that none of my devotion or hope was returned... i've been in this waiting room all alone all this time#i thought i was patient bc of all the other things but he couldnt give me a chance but he did for someone else and that just hurts#idk it hurts bc this love and connection meant so much to me and i wanted to do anything to make it work#and when u realize all of a sudden that it was only u who felt that and that future u so badly thought would happen isnt real#.... i feel extremely lost and despairing. plus it just is how i feel but i've only been this connected to him#honestly it might sound weird how i can feel this much for someone i've never met irl but he has been my only hope and comfort#for the past years he hs been my only comfort and the only thing making me feel good and ok and hopeful.... so it hurts it hurts it hurts!!
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I'm just so tired. The comment section of this post quite literally proves their point. People are just utilizing the i/p conflict to hate on jews. I urge everyone to watch this video by John Cleese (famous for his role in Monty Python) made in 1987 talking about this exact issue.
While i don't agree with his abliest vocabulary used to describe the issue at the very end of the video (ref to the usage of "schizoid"), this was made in the 1980s. Either way, the point still stands. Pro pals are using the issue to make themselves feel better about themselves, not to save the Palestinian people. If they really wanted to help Palestinians, they would be HELPING by doing something productive instead of going around and mindlessly harassing jews.
#jumblr#jewblr#stop antisemitism#jewish tumblr#jewish#judaism#israel solidarity#i/p conflict#yes im talking about you mr. “none of us are free until all of us are free”#you ARE free. You're an white american#goys dont have a say on what antisemetism is#stop it right now#this is absurd how many times this has to be said#and how many times its just ignored!#funkowrites
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Man I just give up.
#dora daily#if only there was a way to just stop everything#idk if I want to die but I want everything to stop#like so many times I go out or smth and something bad happens#or I get triggered in public and I try so hard not to lose myself and start drama in public but I just can’t#every time I show any emotion people start laughing#I can’t even try to stop myself from bawling in the middle of the store without someone#just being so insensitive and rude and diminishing how I feel#you know I say I’m never mad and that is true bc I may seem mad a lot online but I’m not like this irl#but for the first time I actually got mad at someone irl and I was literally gonna beat him#I was genuinely seething so bad it’s not fair and things keep getting worse and worse#I was so close to just throwing this stupid phone and shattering it and ripping up those dumbass#birthday cards they sell in the store#and that stupid bitch of a sister I have is so fucking stupid#she sees someone anxious and incredibly upset and she acts like that ? fuck her#like bro idek how I have lived for this long and idek why I don’t go and just overdose on SOMETHING right now because#logically speaking I should just give up#but I don’t know why I can’t#like please my life is literal shit okay is replying on time so hard for you to fucking do so I don’t go even more insane fuck all of youuuu#UGHHHDJSOS#I SWEAR TO GOD I am so sick of this just you all wait#none of you deserve normal treatment all you deserve is something even worse than ghosting#just you wait let this stupid semester end and I’ll deactivate my socials go speak to the fucking wall you morons#you think I’m gonna wait around what are you paying me to be here ? if anything IM paying with my sanity#like if this was related to a spouse who was a billionaire but he was treating me as shittily as you guys treat me then I’ll say fine#at least I’m getting something out of this transaction who gives a fuck#but im not getting paid#im not receiving support#I’m getting laughed at and ignored#and used only at YOUR CONVENIENCE !!! what the FUCK ! I don’t exist for anyone and certainly not yall even if I did.
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For the first time irl I got directly grilled by a right winger debater bro on various topics about LGBT people (I was stuck sitting next to him at a post-event group dinner), and it got to a point where I just walked out because I was very close to snapping on him. And I wasn't about to cause a scene in a Dennys at 9 pm on a Sunday. And it just keeps kinda haunting me a bit.
I'm going to formally learn communication techniques to be able to shut down these sorta conversations, because there's no point in debating with that sorta person, it goes no where... but also I'm kinda just upset like, why do I have to? You know? Why do I have to formally learn this stuff just because I'm queer? I always have to be the bigger person in these situations and keep my cool. Even though people like that would never take my feelings and the way they communicate into account. Just, ugh.
#He was grilling me about the child friendliness of pride events#And kink stuff#And literally saying shit like “LGBT ideology”#It was really bad and eventually I lost my grip on the situation to the point that I just had to leave#Someone else was trying to stop him from continuing but none of us were able to shut it down well enough#Also side note I always had a suspicion about this person and didn't trust him and now I have confirmation of his beliefs haha...#My gut feeling is usually right about this stuff...#personal
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Really struggling with trying to figure out what's me. Like what I enjoy and what ideas/traits/desires are actually my own. I think it's beautiful that people influence each other and grow together, but I'm left feeling lost right now and wondering what's actually me.
#idk ive been thinking about it a lot and really struggling#hard also to tell what's the depression and whats actually something i don't care about#i feel like i can say that playing world of warcraft was something that came from me.#but it started feeling like a chore in Dragonflight so i stopped playing.#and now everything feels tainted by other's influence and i dont know whats me anymore.#although i do need to remember that i did start playing Dragon Age on my own but it only feels like it was influenced by others because#i discovered my one irl friend used to love the games and then i got my other irl friend playing them#but i dont know how much of going into physics was my own choice or just following the path i saw before me#although i loved physics when i started doing mechanics in calculus and thought it was so cool#then i found accelerator science and detectors and nuclear physics to be so cool when i did an internship at a national lab#and then i took the most direct route to get into doing research at that lab#but things have gotten so lost and tangled up with all the horrible stuff that grad school puts you through#and the horrible stuff from this collaboration in particular#that it feels like all thats left is shame and fear and none of the wonder or curiosity#everything i do or write or whatever feels like an opportunity to 'get found out' as a fake or just fill me with shame#i thought that getting a job offer would fix me and help me get through the bullishit but the pressure is makikg things worse#and with this job im wondering if im just doing what im told and being influenced by other's suggestions and wants.#(dont go to grad school. its literally the worst thing you can do for your mental health)#vent#okay this actually kind of helped so im glad I made this post#feel free to reblog if you relate
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Said “forever” then he blew it up and that’s the tragic fabric of our dreaming
#ok I’m stopping now#again I know the muses may or may not be the same or both or none bla bla#im just saying the original lyrics are a gut punch regardless of the muse or inspiration#and again point to part of what TTPD is really about#hello if you’re just joining us I lost my ever loving mind on a spiral last night
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re: the music rant I tagged you in I am so sorry for tagging you in my double-dose caffeine fueled haterism explosion post. truly was off the shits and did not realize how much random garbage talking points I was ready to spill on the first person to ask
but i love haterism…..
#truly i really don’t care if ppl like those artists. they do so for good reason#but it’s just impossible to see it as like. particularly noteworthy and countercultural or anything anymore?#like obv it’ll never be on the same mainstream level of like taylor swift or w/e#but as far as being ‘weird’ or ‘fringe’ it’s like. safe weird. safe fringe#mainstream weird or mainstream fringe to use an oxymoron#there’s nothing wrong with enjoying something with a large community that makes you feel something#but it just isn’t particularly striking as far as making a statement about how unique you are#not that you need to be unique to be cool#but i think a lot of people truly do see it as a thing that makes them special or even superior#it’s not harmful at all just a little silly#and truly when every young neurodivergent well-off internet dweller is doing it. well it’s not totally weird is it#safe and sanitized weirdness#either that or to get back to the point if it is true weirdness then it’s like yeah are you sure this goes on that character playlist LOL#maybe the other bigger threat is when stuff is genuinely good and raw and unique and strange#art that’s screaming something out#and it gets watered down into something incredibly generic#like this lament about the singer’s very real life is like ‘woagh this is just like these two fictional white men who have never met’#less ‘morally wrong’ and more ‘hardcore cringe at best and in poor taste at worst’#or like. what if it is an EXTREMELY specific situation genuinely#why is it on every playlist 🤔#the answer is bc it goes hard of course so who am i to say they’re wrong for having fun#but behind the scenes in secret i’ll be laughing sinisterly#like everybody in the world thinks Their Artist is the most freakish unique and special artist. including swifties#fact of the matter there’s always something weirder. even the stuff i listen to i am well aware could be so much freakier#is there really any point in making it a competition of how weird you are#just listen to what appeals to you and stop acting like you’re the main character idk#asks#dj-of-the-coven#ok i’m done now. hope none of this sounded too bitter and judgmental
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Having that god awful realization that no one can fix me or really help me even and the worst part is that it doesn't even feel horrible really, it just feels true
#like 'oh'. i don't know where to go from here#i stopped blaming anyone a long time ago. now its all just empty#theres no one to be mad at or to beg for forgiveness. theres no one to take it away#im not saying it will never change- just that none of us can make it happen#im so tired
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Am I scared to get too close to friends platonically and did I not have an actual best friend since 7th grade because the last time I thought I understood someone and was incredibly close to her everything went horrendously wrong and now she's not around anymore and I can't help but to think I could've done something to prevent it and I really could have but it doesn't matter anymore or am I making some connection that isn't there
#i used to think a lot about how all of that shit effected me in relation to that shit#what i never thought about is the fucking lasting effects.#worst thing to think about right now#but if you really are romantically interested in someone#idrk#it all makes sense for her side and for me#but everything is so fucked and now she's fucking dead and i can't even face that#and it really doesn't matter because none of this is happening currently#but i am the sum of everything in my life so it does matter#wish i could just have a not completely fucked up view of love#it's all covid's fault really#or maybe idk#how to make a 13 year old terrified of dating for at last the nxt two years#2020 fucked me up so badly everything that cam because of it was even wrose#2020-1 wattpad is too at the root of it#who the fuck sees their friend talk about their crush on wattpad of all places#and writes a comment to them saying they've had a crush on them for a while now#sorry for the rant i just start talking about it and i don't know where to stop#infuriates me that every so and so months our mutual friend texts me#what do they think changed#awful that when you go to her wattpad page her wall is full of eulogies#i do not know how to cope with death#idek why i'm talking about this sorry
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Pro tip: do not reorganise someone’s setup ever unless you’ve asked first. You’re not doing them a favour
#okay to reblog#vent#none of you can stop me from venting#actually fuming!! I was about to go bake brownies which is usually an enjoyable activity but everyone is misplaced and for the first time#in actual years I have had to take all the neat boxes out to sift through them because usually all the stuff I use most often is at the#front but no!! not anymore!! it’s all at the fucking back!!! for some reason!!#this wouldn’t have bothered me so much if this was done while I wasn’t bedridden with covid and actually had some say. but no#and now I’m too stressed to actually bake which is really bad and upsetting bc I promised several people I would!!#autistic#adhd#idk they probably tie into this#actually autistic#actually adhd
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