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sleepynoons · 3 days ago

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hi op feel free to ignore everything under - all you need to know is i love your writing *shakes head vigorously*

there are several things i think were immaculately done, but that'd require me to churn out an entire research paper, which i don't have the brain cells for anymore post-finals. so here are some scattered thoughts yep and yap

i don't gravitate towards mysterious or reserved characters because my personality simply doesn't mesh well with them. in fact, when i was watching wbk, i was always so wary of suo, and felt lowkey a lil uncomfortable with him LMFAO

but strangely enough, i think this discomfort became a very integral and driving force throughout my reading experience. of course, this was already the case due to the violent and dark nature of yakuzas, underground sex work, etc., but emphasizing suo's yandere-ness and how he doesn't shy away from it really completed the tone of the story. also, i feel like i came to terms with suo's character, which i rarely ever experience in general. really, this is all to say that it makes total logical sense in my brain to imagine a route where suo evolves into a yandere, and part of me strongly believes his real background in the wbk manga/anime won't be too happy-go-lucky either (otherwise the alternative would be like him wearing an eyepatch for the shtick bc he's a chuuni??? idrk????).

anyway, the reoccurring theme of redirection in suo's tactics really sealed the deal for me, and i think it was a good way to tie in references to his relationship to his master, the martial arts that we know he's especially good at, and how all of these things he's kinda exploited and sullied to "become a worse person for you." suo being very knowing and intentional is so snakey and creepy but also, i get a lil fucked up when it comes to men who are obsessed, so also incredibly erotic LMFAO i also just want someone to buy me a luxury penthouse out of concern for my safety *sad fist bump*

one thing i did find unexpected is suo's leadership within the yakuza. yes, necessary for the plot, otherwise he wouldn't be able to pull any strings. but because source material heavily emphasizes leaders as individuals like umemiya or sakura or even hiiragi, it's interesting to place suo in juxtaposition with them. not sure if it's bc i don't find suo particularly reliable in general, but i think this fic made me realize that he's still wise beyond his years and very, very ruthless. it's def very telling that, throughout the story, suo resorts to fear to assert power. anyway, i j think it was a particularly interesting detail to add in his role in the succession conflict.

btw, i do like how suo's change and transition isn't fully told or revealed. it's not a story meant for us, as it's a truth really for suo and reader. but even reader can't really keep up with him at times, and i find that dynamic really charming, as sadistic as that sounds. i like that reader is so vulnerable. i like that reader is not afraid to be vulnerable around him in the ways that matter, even when she's aware that he's fucking insane. and i really like that reader is aware of how much it takes to be vulnerable, so she doesn't push him. i think reader restrains herself (un)knowingly, and that's her way of loving him. obv less romantic in real life lol (don't try to fix anyone, been there, done that, lost myself, and still finding myself), but i do like how reader is suo's salvation :,,, even if she doesn't think she's particularly patient, she really is - like girl, Fuck Him Already!!!!!!

(could go on and on about how juicy the friction and tension is between suo and reader but that's for pt 2 hehehe)

this is kinda my half-assed transition into talking about reader, and honestly, my thoughts from earlier encapsulate the general thesis i have about her: she's really a lot like suo, way more than she thinks. i think she operates in very similar ways, just goes about it differently.

i think reader is way more reckless. she's very self-sacrificing. she's very good at putting up a front, even when she's internally low in confidence and self-respect. i think she just wants to be happy with suo, and hopefully, with their other friends as well.

and truly, i think suo has very similar end goals. i just think, with how things turned out, suo made the very calculated yet risky (also aggressive?) decision to do the things that he did. making their underlying principals and values and reactions so oddly similar, from my perspective, is sooooo neat, and it adds more depth to why they go so well together.

also, reader is so brilliantly the comedic relief in this whole thing. usually, in storytelling, it's someone else and is used as fodder. i really like how reader is a lil awkward and bad with timing and everything else, cause it makes the reading experience flow so much better. really helped with the pacing of the story, gave it the character + breathing space needed to process everything. i also just like my readers a little fucking hilarious.

anyway, op, so beautifully written - see you in pt 2 gg

TOKYO VICE | part 1

You knew that if you agreed to move in with Suo, you'd be setting yourself up for a life without autonomy. You also knew that these alarming behaviours were all signs that he desperately needed therapy to process his master’s untimely death. Living with a man in constant grief, who refused to talk about his trauma unless he was making up a lie related to the nation of China, was probably not a good decision. Doubly so when this man was clearly paranoid about losing you, and triply so when he was a high-ranking member of a violent syndicate. Unfortunately for you, you rarely made good decisions. (Or: After joining the yakuza, Suo develops the concerning habit of controlling every facet of your life. This is somehow less worrying to you than your uncontrollable lust around him.)

8.7k words. suo x fem reader. deeply unserious yakuza au. yandere suo (not abusive and reader is into it), dark comedy, a little angst, smut. warnings: borderline sex work, off-screen criminal violence. nsft – no actual smut in this chapter, but there are still graphic discussions of sex. mdni. thank you to @sleepyqinfei for beta reading and to @/cafekitsune for the banner!

sequel to sincerity and this sakura/reader wip

part 2 here

You’re not exactly sure why you and Suo have never fucked.

It’s certainly strange, given that you're pretty sure that Suo has expressed at least passing interest in you over the years, and you have felt a lot of interest in him. (By ‘interest’, you mean that you feel an insatiable lust around him that you fight to ignore on a daily basis.) You can't exactly pinpoint why nothing has ever happened despite this mutual attraction, especially given your profession and indifferent feelings toward casual sex.

You can think of a number of probable reasons, which are separate from those you classify as stupid reasons. The latter class comprises silly concerns like a fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of not being pretty enough, fear of not being good enough, et cetera. All very juvenile feelings—insecurities that you had in your teenage years, the days in which Suo ran around Makochi as a delinquent while you worked an honest job at a bar. (It was a girls’ bar in the red light district, but that's neither here nor there.) Your circumstances have since changed, and those anxieties have since faded. None of them have any material consequence for your current life, so you don't see any point in thinking about them.

The stupid reasons, then, definitely don't have anything to do with why you've never fucked Suo. But you can think of a few, more concrete reasons that may explain it. For one, Suo has been your friend since childhood and it’s generally a bad idea to have sex with your long-time friends. He was also your roommate for a while and it’s an even messier idea to have sex with your roommates. And now, in your adulthood, he’s your landlord in addition to being your boss, which makes him the worst possible person you could have sex with. You could lose both your home and your livelihood if things go south—both severe, material consequences that should theoretically keep your lust at bay.

Also, he's also a member of the yakuza.

Now, strictly speaking—you're not really opposed to having sex with violent criminals. It’s definitely not a good idea, but you don't usually have good ideas anyway. But for the past several years, you’ve been pissed at Suo for joining the yakuza in the first place, which actually does keep your blatant attraction to him in check. You simply dry up when you think too hard about all the feelings of betrayal.

When Suo was on the cusp of graduating from Furin and thinking about his future, you’d grabbed him by the collar and made him promise not to join the yakuza. They constantly tried to recruit from Bofurin, and they especially wanted Sakura, Suo, and Sugishita. You were adamant about chasing them off from Suo and Sakura whenever they approached—you had no need to worry about Sugishita, as Umemiya had already said he shouldn't talk to them, so there was no chance he was going to—and you begged Suo over and over not to join. Delinquency was fine, but a crime syndicate was something else altogether.

Suo seemed serious about it when he said he'd listen to you. He even applied to colleges, talked about maybe becoming a teacher and eventually supporting you so you could stop working in the mizu shobai industry. Back then, he often teased you by saying that you should marry him and be his housewife (or he could be your trophy husband, if you so wished). You thought he was joking, but with the way he always talked about his life after his degree, you wondered if he would seriously suggest it.

Of course, it was most likely just teasing, and you were fine with that. You were simply excited that he'd found a career that would make him happy. Nirei had also been accepted to university at that point, and even Sakura had an honest job lined up on Keisei Street. The future had looked bright for everyone.

Then Suo’s master died, and he lost his fucking mind.

The two of you buried Suo’s master in a Chinese funeral. He had never had children of his own, having satisfied his paternal instincts by picking up strays, and he didn't have much in the way of family in Japan either, so you and Suo performed the shou ling yourselves. One person kept a constant vigil over his body while the other searched on Google for what arrangements should be made next. After all, while Suo’s master had immersed his foremost disciple in his culture, he had never taught Suo any funerary customs. He hadn't thought there would be a need.

Suo didn't cry nearly as much as you, but he was probably in more pain. Your master had trained you a little bit when you were a kid, and he'd taken you in for a while after your parents kicked you out, so of course you were gutted. But he had practically raised Suo, so it was naturally worse for him. More shattering.

You often think about the first night you decided you'd sleep with him in the same futon because he was crying so much. He insisted he was fine, but he didn't complain when you got under the sheets with him and started thumbing away his tears. When you took off his eyepatch, you found, to your astonishment, that he was crying from his missing eye as well. Both of you thought the tear ducts had been destroyed in either the accident or the enucleation, but it appeared that not even that prior trauma could mask his grief over this one.

Nevertheless, by the time of the funeral procession, Suo had stopped crying.

“Master supported us and taught us to stand on our own two feet,” he said as the joss paper burned. He took your hand in his and smiled. “So it'll be fine. We’ll be okay on our own. I'll make sure of it.”

At the time, you had found this very comforting. You didn’t think too much of it, as you had a bad habit of relying on Suo for your emotional stability. His master had raised him to be an emotionally intelligent person, so it had been fine, even though you had a track record of reckless decisions. He’d still exercised endless patience with you. He never once got angry with you, nor did he ever force you to do what he felt was the right thing. Instead, he gently redirected your self-damaging behaviours—not so different from the martial art that he practised.

He disapproved of the run-down and lonely conditions of your apartment, so he spent a great deal of time there and helped make it into a proper home. He didn't like how dangerous your job at the girls’ bar was, so he walked you to and from work every night until you never left without him. He worried when you started having sex with your customers, especially when you began having nervous breakdowns over it (you were, after all, still a teenager and really only interested in having romantic vanilla sex with Suo), so he staged an intervention with Nirei and Sakura. In this way, Suo convinced you that you were loved and protected and didn't need to do something you hated so much. They would get you out if you felt trapped. And you didn't feel trapped, per se, so you left on your own—but it was still only because of them. You promised them afterwards that you'd never do it again.

This was Suo’s brand of kindness as a teenager. He always taught people, guided them away from harm rather than steering them—a behaviour he’d mimicked from your master. Your master, in general, had defined all of Suo’s values and his way of living, which was honest and gentle and conscientious. It was one where he used his abilities to protect the weak and care for his friends. He even kept his spiteful and alarmingly violent tendencies under control, though sometimes he slipped when fighting genuine assholes. But he still tried. He tried because he strived to be as kind as his master—who represented everything that Suo wanted to be in his adult life.

Thus, the death of Suo’s master meant the death of his principles. It changed the kind of man that Suo wanted to be. You don't want to say that he became a worse person, but he absolutely became a worse person.

He especially became a worse person with you.

As it turned out, Suo’s idea of making sure that the two of you would be fine on your own was, well, not really fine. It wasn’t that he became cruel to you, per se. It was more that whenever he saw a problem with your behaviour, his approaches to redirecting it became—put as nicely as possible—heavy-handed.

After your master’s death, you got a job at a high end, yakuza-owned club. Two weeks later, Suo broke his promise to you and joined the yakuza. So I can stay close to you, he explained gently, wiping away your tears as you cried hysterically, but you're convinced to this day that he did it partly out of spite. So a few years later, when you started having sex with your customers again and he tried to stop you, you decided to spite him back. I need to stay on top of the rankings, you'd explained dispassionately. The mamasan said it's fine, and the manager doesn't care. He even thinks it's good for business.

Suo’s response was to simply become the owner of your club.

This move was very extreme, but also very effective. Any customer who so much as brushed against you on the premises was instantly thrown out, and the mamasan started watching you like a hawk to make sure you weren’t going to any love hotels after work. Douhan were off-limits. For the first time since your teens, you became completely celibate—not only because of your new workplace circumstances, but because you simply didn't want to find out what Suo would do if you got together with a man he despised (and he despised every man you dated).

His most absurd play was when he became concerned about your living conditions again. Your latest apartment was too plain, too small, and the area was too dangerous. It didn't even have a shower, and the other tenants behaved concerningly toward you when you went to the bathhouse at night. But the rent was cheap, and it was still an upgrade from your last place, so you shrugged it off when Suo suggested that you move. Even when someone tried to accost you at night, you were nonchalant about it. You kicked the shit out of them in a fight and continued your routine unbothered.

The next month, Suo bought a luxury penthouse and suggested you move in with him.

His offer (command) came with conditions. One of the bigger ones was that you'd let him accompany you out at night if you ever needed to run errands in dangerous places. Or—nevermind, actually. He should really just accompany you everywhere at night. Maybe during the day too. And—ah, there was no way you'd be going to work alone, nor coming back by yourself—you were now always to be driven by someone in his organisation, if he wasn't available himself. Rent was a point of contention, when you asked about it: you wanted to pay at market rate, and he insisted that there was no need to pay at all. He ended up proposing a highly discounted price, which would give you ample financial freedom, but questionable financial independence.

These were insane terms. You knew that if you agreed, you'd be setting yourself up for a life without autonomy. You also knew that these behaviours were all signs that Suo desperately needed therapy to process his master’s untimely death. Living with a man in constant grief, who refused to talk about his trauma unless he was making up a lie related to the nation of China, was probably not a good idea. Doubly so when this man was clearly paranoid about losing you, and triply so when he was a high-ranking member of a violent syndicate. Case in point—he was likely connected to the brutal accident that later befell the man who tried to assault you.

“I'm not sure what you're implying, but at least he didn't die,” Suo said cheerfully when you confronted him about it. Which really meant: At least I decided not to kill him. This was a flag bigger and redder than any other you've ever known, and you consider yourself an expert in red flags. You knew you should run in the other direction.

So naturally, you put your arms around him, tenderly said, I'm sorry I've been worrying you, and then you moved in the next day.

While Suo treats you with endless patience, you have personal limits to the patience that you exercise with him. Specifically, your patience with how he treats you.

You don't mind the lack of social freedom, nor the lack of personal freedom, nor the lack of freedom of movement. You also don't mind living with a man full of intractable trauma surrounding the death of every parental figure in his life; in fact, you'd rather be by his side than not, if he needs to cope with something so painful. And anyway, your friendship is otherwise unchanged if you ignore the heavy restrictions he's imposed on every facet of your life. So that's all fine.

But the celibate lifestyle that he's cornered you into? You simply aren't built for it. Holy shit, do you need to get laid.

Nearly two years without sex has brought you close to another nervous breakdown (there have been few better sources of entertainment or validation in your life), and worst of all, it has made your profound lust for Suo incredibly hard to ignore. Waking up every morning to him in a towel, his hair still wet from the shower and his broad silhouette exposed, tests the absolute limits of your self-control. The contours of his lean and muscled form are distracting enough; coupled with the vivid colours and lines of his irezumi, the sight of him becomes maddening. It is a horrible thing to be exposed to when you haven't gotten any dick nor strap in over a year. It gives you thoughts about him that are overtly sexual, which is bad, as you have materially consequential reasons for not wanting to fuck Suo.

Things with him must absolutely stay platonic. But with sexual frustration like yours, being platonic with him means that you need to get erotic with someone else. A boyfriend or girlfriend is out of the question; you don't want to be responsible for yet another brutal accident. So you instead decide to quit your job at his club and start working on Keisei Street. At least this way, you can start fucking your customers again.

It’s a perfect plan. Suo’s oyabun is very indulgent toward him, and everyone else in the family respects him too. He consequently has a tight grip on his organisation and the territory they control, despite his relatively young age. Not a single person is ever to touch Keisei Street—largely because Sakura is part of Roppo-Ichiza, and Suo is nearly as weird about Sakura as he is about you. Plus, many of his other fellow Furin alumni are in the gang as well. If Suo’s men ever started fucking with people on Keisei Street, it would not only have grave implications for gang relations—it would be personally upsetting for Suo. This means you can fuck all the Keisei Street customers you want, and not get a single one of them threatened or killed.

A pretty brilliant idea, if you do say so yourself.

Suo’s expression doesn't change when you break the news to him. He delicately places his teacup—custom-made from Yixing, just like the matching clay teapot—down on the mahogany tabletop, and he looks at you with a calm smile.

“Come again?”

“I'm quitting my job at Red Dragon,” you repeat. “I already gave the mamasan my resignation.”

“And she accepted it?” Suo asks, in a tone that is so carefully nonchalant that you know it means he is actually furious with her. “How interesting,” he muses. “What brought this on?”

“I've found a better paying opportunity on Keisei Street.”

“I'll give you a raise,” he says easily.

“A raise?” You cock a brow. “The pay is mostly commission-based at Red Dragon. You know that.”

“Then it would be unwise to leave. You have a loyal customer base at Red Dragon. All very rich, and”—his smile grows sharp—“very polite.”

Polite. An interesting word. It actually means: None of them will ever proposition or harass you because they know they'll be maimed if they do. An easy thought to use to your advantage.

“It's loyal but it's small. Everyone who's anyone in this part of town thinks that we’re married. Do you know how hard it is to pull new customers in when they're scared shitless of my yakuza husband? And anyway”—you frown, trying to look as pathetic as possible—“I'm lonely.”

Suo stares. He looks surprised, possibly because you absorb every minute of his free time with silly conversation, new restaurants, and skiing trips. (He likes snow, so you ask for these trips more for him to relax than anything else.) You also text him frequently on days he's working, and he very diligently replies, even if he's in the middle of something like a raid or a hit or brokering a massive deal. Suo still very strictly keeps to his rule of never touching his phone when in conversation with other people—unless he needs to text you.

So his suspicion is fair. Suo is very attentive and doesn't allow you much opportunity for loneliness. In turn, you’ve always been very happy spending time with him, even when it's only him.

“Lonely?” he repeats. “Are you, now?”

“Yes. You work so much,” you complain, which is not a lie, “and I don't have any friends to spend time with when you're gone.”

“You have friends from work.”

“No, I have competition at work. The hostesses are so cutthroat about rankings, they hate me. And each other.”

“You like Shuuhei and Hanzo,” he points out, referring to his men who most frequently chauffeur you.

“Yeah, they're friendly, and they're very funny. I like them, but I can't be their friend.” Suo stares at you, nonplussed, so you spell it out: “They're too scared of you to get close to me. What if it looks like they're trying to fuck the boss’ wife?”

“Hm…” Suo studies you, looking thoughtful. Perhaps for the first time, he's contemplating the consequences of restricting your freedoms and marking you as his. That is to say—maybe he's finally realising that you have no friends and no life.

The beads of his earrings glimmer as he tilts his head at you and frowns. Suo almost looks innocent with that confused face of his. “And how would working on Keisei Street help?” he asks.

“Because all our old friends are there!” you exclaim. “Sakura’s in Roppo-Ichiza now so he’ll definitely be coming by all the clubs. Tsubaki too. And Nirei and Kiryu visit them quite often—and even Tsugeura does sometimes, even though clubbing isn't one of his virtues.” You grab onto his arm, pull yourself close, and give him your most disarming, pleading expression. “Please, Suo?”

“Hm.” He strokes your cheek and looks at you fondly, in the way that one would do with an adorable and slightly annoying kitten. “I don’t think so. It’s not very safe there.”

He isn't wrong. Not only are you untouchable on his turf because of your association to him, Suo has also just crushed all the han-gure and petty criminals in his territory with brutal efficiency. His part of the red light district is, quite ironically, one of the safest places in the city, and certainly safer than Keisei Street.

But undeterred, you point out, “Shuuhei and Hanzo can still drive me there and back if you want. But I don't think it's necessary. Do you really think Sakura would let anything happen to me?”

This is the true brilliance of your plan: capitalising on the fact that Suo is as nearly as weird about Sakura as he is about you. He pauses as soon as you bring up the point, and you can practically see the gears turning. “Well, if it's him…”

“I even texted him about it. Look—here!” You whip out your phone, receipts ready. The corner of Suo's mouth lifts at your obviously rehearsed pitch. “He says he'd make sure I'm taken care of. And he says it'd be nice because he misses seeing us. Can you believe it—Sakura actually admitted that he misses us! Typed it with his own two hands and pressed send! I bet he was super embarrassed about it.”

“Huh. He even used a sticker. I've never seen him do that.” Suo smiles as he reads through the chat. He looks like his old self. You suddenly feel a little wistful, and also a lot bad. This started as a ploy to get laid, but it’s made you realise that you really do miss your friends—and Suo probably does too.

“If I worked on Keisei Street, then you would have plenty of reason to visit,” you point out, feeling somewhat tender.

“I guess that's true,” Suo says. Your heart aches a little bit at the look he gives you. It's a platonic ache, of course. Or at the very least, it isn't an erotic one. It doesn't really make you want to have sex with him anyway. But if you could lean forward and press your lips to his—platonically—then you definitely would.

Suo's civilian friendships are complicated by his double life. Quite unusually for yakuza, Suo’s syndicate insists on using pseudonyms and false histories to avoid anti-yakuza laws, on the off-chance that the police decide to do their jobs and actually enforce those laws someday. Lying for comedy is one of Suo’s greatest passions, so he was happy to manufacture an absurd backstory: his name is Yanzhao, and he learned kung fu in a Shaolin Temple before moving to Hong Kong and working for the triads. He wears the eyepatch because he lost his eye in an altercation with the cops, which he won. By the way, you're his criminally beautiful wife who he met in Macau. The two of you had to leave for Japan since he killed a police officer and now he's wanted by the governments of both China and Hong Kong. Also, he's a very devoted husband, so if anyone lays a hand on you, he’ll kill them too.

Somehow, everyone has bought into this story. Every criminal organisation in the red light district now fears a high-ranking yakuza known as Yanzhao, who is easily recognizable by his eyepatch and tassel earrings, and who is also homicidally obsessed with his beautiful wife.

In some ways, his infamy is convenient. No one wants to fuck with Suo, or with you by extension. But it also poses some issues: Suo has to keep a low profile in areas controlled by rival organisations, or else he might be ambushed. It also means he cannot easily go out and see his old friends. Even though he always masquerades as a civvie when he does, wearing stud earrings and a glass eye, it's still a little risky—especially since he likes to visit the strongest member of Roppo-Ichiza. While Roppo-Ichiza aren’t yakuza, they're still han-gure, so some of its more criminally entangled members might recognize him anyway.

But Sakura himself, bless him, has not put two and two together and figured out that Suo Hayato and Gui Yanzhao are the same person. This is partly because Suo lies very convincingly about his fictional career in the tea industry, but you think it's also because Sakura is so gullible it's endearing.

I use the glass eye now because it's better for networking, Suo had explained before Sakura could interrogate him too much, his voice too smooth and too quick for the other man to get in a word edgewise. My business partners find the eyepatch too silly. The tassel earrings too. By the way, would you like some Baimudan tea? I thought of you when I smelled it—I know you like fragrant things—so I picked some up for you on my last visit to China. I was there for business a couple of weeks ago.

He, of course, neglected to mention that said business involved meeting with the 14K triad.

Despite the enormity of Suo's omission (lie), Sakura is none the wiser whenever he meets with you. He thinks you're just a regular hostess who has freedom of movement and various other human rights, and that Suo’s just a regular guy who isn’t homicidally obsessed with you (a detail of Suo's fabricated life story that is unfortunately grounded in reality). All this to say, Sakura doesn't think twice about mentioning the fact that you have a routine of going to love hotels after work.

Suo, as always, remains calm in the face of unsettling information. He sets down his tea (just tea, without shochu), and politely says, “Pardon?” He's once again using the nonchalant kind of tone that suggests mortal danger.

“She's always going to love hotels after her shifts.” Sakura is frowning at you, pink but scowling. “I thought you said you were done with that stuff. You promised us you wouldn't do it anymore. Suo—are you really okay with this?”

On the one hand, you find it exceptionally sweet that Sakura, after all this time, remembers your promise and wishes to hold you to it. He was so worried about you when you started having those nervous breakdowns as a teenager, and he probably still is. On the other hand, you're shitting bricks at the fact that Suo is now aware of your activities. Because sure, he likely won't fuck with Keisei Street—but you realise, as he stares at you, that you can't be certain of this. After all, your fake yakuza husband has very real homicidal urges.

“Um,” you say. “It's just business.”

“Business,” Suo repeats.

“You don't have to do that stuff to keep good business,” Sakura grouses, unaware of Suo’s carefully suppressed rage. “You're real popular already.”

“Are you?” Suo asks, looking right at you.

“I mean—I told you the pay would be better, right?” you reply, voice oddly high and nervous, and this is when Sakura notices that something is wrong.

“Oh,” Sakura says, looking between the two of you. “Suo, you didn't know?”

“I didn't,” he says. “Actually, she told me specifically that she wasn't going to do that if she worked here.” He turns to you, still smiling. “That's the only reason why I allowed this at all, remember?”

A chill travels down your spine. You did, in fact, commit to a perpetually sexless lifestyle in order to be granted some semblance of freedom: Of course I won't sleep with any customers, you'd said. You know I don't really like doing that anyway. I promise I'll behave! I’ll be out of the clubs and right back home. Sakura said he’d make sure I’ll get to a cab safely after the bar closes and everything!

“Um,” you say again, but this time you have no follow-up.

“Wait,” Sakura demands, “what do you mean by ‘allowed her’? What, do you need to give her permission to work now or something?”

Suo smiles disarmingly at Sakura. Without missing a beat, he says, “Generally no. But we’re dating now, which complicates what she’s allowed to do with other men at her job.”

Sakura spits out his drink. You choke on your spit.

“I… um?!” Sakura’s staring at you, so you quickly recover. This is a mortifying lie, but it's better than Sakura finding out just how batshit Suo has become since his school days. “I thought we were going to keep that a secret, dear?”

“Ah, you're right. Sorry, I got too excited.” Suo gives you an endeared look before turning to Sakura. “We were going to keep it to ourselves unless we got serious about it. But we've been talking about marriage lately, so I thought it was fine to mention.”

“...”

You’re going to have an aneurysm. Why does every cover that Suo comes up with involve a marital relationship between the two of you?!

“Oh… holy shit.” Sakura’s expression is complicated—somehow, more complicated than yours, even though you’re the one getting cornered into a fake engagement. It's unbelievable how shy he still is about this kind of thing. Maybe it’s just particularly embarrassing since he's known you two for so long, you reason. Regardless, he remembers his social cues enough to say, “Congrats, guys. That's great. That's really great.”

Suo gazes fondly at you across the table. “We were thinking you could be our best man,” he adds, and you consider violently kicking his leg.

“O-oh. Uh, yeah! Sure! But what about Nirei?”

“Rather than having a maid of honour,” you say reflexively, used to lying through your teeth for Suo, “we’d like him to be our best man as well.”

“Oh. That makes sense.” Thrown off guard, Sakura completely forgets about the love hotel business. He whips out his phone. “When were you thinking of having your wedding? I'll put it in my calendar.”

“I’m not sure.” Suo turns to you. “What were we thinking again, dear?”

You're going to die. You're going to die and it's a good thing because if you survive this embarrassment, your future will be bleak. As soon as Nirei finds out about this, he’ll want to start helping you with wedding planning, and then it would just be too awkward to cancel things. You’ll have to enter a fake marriage with Suo, which will be completely sexless, because even with a vow of everlasting love, there are still too many concrete and materially consequential reasons for not sleeping with him.

Condemning yourself to a lifetime of sexual frustration, you reply, “I think we were talking about a summer wedding.”

The drive home is awkward.

Hanzo and Shuuhei pick the two of you up. Suo mentioned that he wanted to talk to you and you alone, so they bring the Rolls Royce with the privacy suite. The two of them are entirely cut off from you thanks to the soundproofing, which traps you with Suo, who’s drinking a bottle of oolong tea as the two of you sit in complete silence. You think he's waiting for you to squirm—which you do.

You stay like that for five, agonising minutes before Suo finally says, “So you're sleeping with your customers.”

You swallow. “Yes.”

“For business?”

“Yes.”

“How much do you make?”

You blink. “Huh?”

“How much do you get paid for a single night of work, including gifts that your customers give you in exchange for sleeping with them?”

You're halfway through citing your earnings when you realise where he's going with this.

“So you make less than you did at Red Dragon,” Suo concludes, “and you're very smart with your money, so I know you know that, and you probably went into this knowing that you'd end up at a net loss.” He turns to you, gives you a look so sharp that it almost scares you. All made worse by his civilian disguise, which makes him feel unfamiliar. His glass eye shines strangely in the light, and his scar tissue is hidden by the makeup you helped apply. You wish he'd taken it all off before having this conversation.

“So,” he says, “what’s the real reason you changed jobs?”

Already knowing that he’ll figure you out sooner or later, you admit, “I just wanted to start having sex again.”

Suo blinks. “You… what?”

“I wanted to have sex with people,” you repeat. “I hadn't been touched for nearly two years, okay? I needed to get laid or else I'd go insane.” You cross your arms and look away, suddenly feeling petulant. “I'm sure you've noticed that our arrangement makes it impossible for me to see people.”

He doesn't answer, because of course he's noticed. He’d designed his house rules with precisely this intent. If he accompanies you everywhere you go, then you can't exactly go on dates, and you definitely can't meet people for sex. Not unless you feel like having Suo watch as some anonymous guy fucks you, and you don't. As hot as the idea is, it’s definitely not platonic behaviour, and it would probably trigger the whole homicidal obsession thing.

“Do you like it?” Suo asks, startling you. You look at him, confused.

“What?”

“Do you enjoy having sex with your customers?” he asks. His voice and gaze are even. Unrelenting. “Does it make you happy?”

You stare at him, a deer caught in headlights. You didn't expect Suo to actually care about whether you enjoyed it or not, and you didn't really expect to care yourself either. But truthfully, you hated it. You simply weren't feeling it with most of your customers and avoided intercourse with all but one. Then in that one case you let someone earnestly fuck you, it was a complete letdown. Possibly the worst sex you'd ever had. You spent the whole time watching the clock, wondering how long it would take, and it turned out that your hookup had remarkable stamina but absolutely no technique. To pass the time, and in an attempt to feel something, you tried to imagine it was someone else who was inside you. You cycled through a whole list of people, including all of your exes, a few of your past customers, every single member of BTS, and then—finally, inevitably—your long-time friend, roommate, and landlord.

To your complete horror, when you imagined that it was Suo who had you folded in half, his cock so deep inside you that you could feel it in your throat, you came so hard that you drenched the sheets.

You lay there afterward as your customer showered, alone in the bed. Normally you'd be getting dressed at that point, but you were too distracted. You kept thinking about what it would feel like to be held by Suo after having your guts rearranged by him—embraced tenderly like you know he would do with you, kissing him platonically like you've always wanted to do with him—and you realised that you didn’t actually want to have sex with anyone else. Despite all your life experience, sexual experience, and job experience—in that moment, you felt like a lonely nineteen year old girl who wanted nothing more than to have romantic, vanilla sex with her best friend, but who was instead having impersonal, disappointing sex with various salarymen.

This was a feeling so disgusting that you’ve decided to never tell anyone at any cost.

“Yeah, it's fine. I guess I like it.” You pretend to study your nails. “Sometimes I cum, which is all I really want.”

Suo keeps staring at you. “That’s it?” he asks, voice measured and careful. You raise a brow, playing dumb.

“What do you mean?”

“That's all you want? Just to get off?”

You gaze out the window, trying not to look at his lips.

“Yes, that's all.”

No matter how batshit Suo gets, he always maintains a certain kindness and maturity in how he handles conflict with you. It's a lesson that he learned from his master, which has perhaps been distorted over time, but remains important to him nevertheless.

If you do something upsetting, Suo is never forceful about getting you to act differently. Sure, he has fucked up ways of either getting you to behave or making you understand the consequences of your actions, and perhaps he has his manipulative moments. It was probably not a good thing that he coaxed you into indefinite house arrest, for instance. But he never threatens you, and he never hits you, and he never disrespects you. In fact, more than anything, he makes it a point to never let you feel like you aren't loved.

So when Suo abandons you after that conversation in the Rolls Royce, you lose your fucking mind.

Suo doesn’t come home in the days following that evening, without any note nor explanation. For the first time in years, he stops replying to your texts. Your immediate thought is that he's been gravely injured or perhaps even killed, which sends you into a panicked spiral. But every one of his men who's come by to check on you has implied otherwise—but I'm not allowed to tell you anything else, anesan, I’m sorry, they all say. And when you realise that Suo is actually fine and he's just playing a fucked up mind game with you, one that makes you feel distinctly unloved, you feel simultaneously heartbroken and apoplectic. The man is not allowed to corner you into de facto imprisonment and then just fucking leave. In fact, if he tries, you might imprison him.

You spend a few days sitting at home and crying over this, as well as torturing yourself by thinking about useless things (fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, et cetera). But eventually, you get tired of wallowing in self-inflicted misery, and you decide to just track your fake husband down. His men have been adamant about not letting you out of their sight—presumably so you don’t fuck any more of your customers, because Suo can be spiteful like that—so you have to be strategic about your plan to find him.

You decide to do it during work. You tap out in the middle of a shift, feigning illness, so nobody bats an eye when you put on the most shapeless hoodie you own and throw on a face mask. Your chauffeurs (handlers) don't notice as you sneak off—and for the first time in years, you walk through the red light district all alone.

It feels strange not to be protected, and even stranger not to be surveilled. You marvel at the unfamiliar experience of complete freedom, and at the possibility of being able to run off and disappear if you so wished. But you don't, of course. Not only do you care too deeply for Suo to abandon him, you're also pretty sure he has your driver’s licence and ID card locked up somewhere. At least you haven't been able to find them, and Suo was oddly evasive about it when you asked. (I haven't seen them, he'd said, but I don't think you’d need either of those things immediately, anyway, do you? And you nodded in response, because it was true that you liked being his passenger princess too much to care about your licence.)

So rather than bolting for the subway, you head straight to your old workplace. The gleaming doors of Red Dragon welcome you as you cross its threshold, and you're greeted immediately by the scent of luxury colognes and expensive cigars—both evoking a strange nostalgia in you. Even the click of your heels against the marble floor feels familiar. You realise that you've missed the place despite its cutthroat culture and its owner’s authoritarian control over you, which you suppose isn't surprising. This club was more or less your home for years and, thanks to said owner, was the safest place you've ever worked.

And being that you feel you've returned to your very safe home, you don't expect it when you're abruptly stopped by the bouncer.

“Can I help you?” he asks, his arm in your way. You don't recognize him, but you see the edges of his irezumi peeking out from the rolled-up cuffs of his shirt.

“Yeah, actually,” you say. “I'm looking for Gui Yanzhao. Is he here right now?”

The bouncer—or chinpira, you guess—bristles.

“You're looking for who?”

“Yanzhao?” you say impatiently. “Eyepatch, tassel earrings? Owner of the club? Probably your boss?”

The bouncer steps forward and reaches for something in his pocket, which makes you suddenly nervous, and also makes you realise that in a hoodie and a face mask, you ordinarily wouldn't be allowed in this club, let alone into the room of its yakuza owner. You're so used to VIP treatment here that you simply forgot.

You take a step back. “Um. I think there's been a misunderstanding.” You lower your face mask, which doesn't help as you've never met this man, and he must be new. You’ll need to complain to Suo about his onboarding process later, if you aren't killed before you can find him.

It turns out that this yakuza rookie has a knife in his pocket, which is not the worst thing he could have been carrying, but is also not the best. You're getting ready to run in the other direction when a more senior member of the gang comes by. He gives you a startled look, which then turns alarmed when he sees his younger brother’s knife.

“Anesan!” he yells hurriedly, and he snatches the chinpira’s knife straight from his hand. His lunge for the weapon turns into a hurried bow. He pulls his colleague—whose face has turned very white in a very short amount of time—into an even deeper one. They look on the verge of prostrating.

“Oh, Yamashita. Hi! Is this guy new?”

“Yes! My sincerest apologies for my younger brother’s idiocy, and his insolence in raising a weapon at you.” There's a sheen of sweat on the back of his neck. “If you would like him to atone, then he would be more than happy to—”

“No, that's fine. I'd really like him to keep all his fingers.” If you have to see a rookie cut off his pinkie today, you think you might actually change your mind on running away. Fuck your documents—Suo can keep them. Surely life without proof of identity can't be that hard. “By the way,” you say, trying to change the topic before Yamashita can suggest alternative acts of atonement, “have you seen my husband?”

Yamashita hesitates at your question, looks conflicted. You feel a little bad for him, and for every other gang member who needs to worry about accidentally offending Suo. You watch him sweat for a full ten seconds before he says, “You can follow me. But anesan, you might find it unpleasant upstairs. I can find someone to drive you home instead, if you'd like.”

You give him a funny look. This was your workplace for a very long time—you can’t think of many things that would happen here that might seriously upset you. “What, is he cheating on me?” you guess.

“What? No! Aniki would never!” Yamashita seems genuinely shocked at the suggestion. “He's crazy about you!”

“Then I'm sure he’ll be happy to see me,” you say, although given that he's ignored your texts for four days straight, you aren't so sure. Regardless, this seems to be good enough reasoning for Yamashita, and you’re taken to the top floor of Red Dragon. You ponder the whole time, on the elevator ride up, just what exactly Suo’s been up to that's made Yamashita this nervous about letting you see him.

Then the door opens, and you’re given your answer in the form of several body bags—all cleanly zipped up and conscientiously laid out in front of the elevators in a single, neat row. A sight that is significantly worse than a rookie cutting off his pinkie finger.

“Oh,” you say faintly. You try not to throw up. “So this is why he hasn't been home.”

“Exactly!” Yamashita replies, beaming. “See, anesan, I told you. He'd never cheat on you!”

Suo is in the lounge of the top floor, which has been cleared of both civilians and corpses for the night. He's sitting on one of the couches, leaning back with his one eye closed, as if asleep. The golden tassels of his earrings are draped over the expensive leather of his seat, intertwined with his dark hair. A cup of tea sits in front of him, steaming. Even this far away, you recognize it by the scent alone: jasmine, probably from Longjing. One of the most expensive blends he has, and that which he saves for days he’s stressed, though he never admits it when he is.

The sight of him would almost look tranquil, except for all the blood on his knuckles and his cuffs.

Off to the side, two of his younger brothers are chatting away. One is pouring cups of some doubtlessly expensive liquor, and the other is smoking a cigar. There's karaage on the table too. You recognize all of this as part of a ritual that some of the guys like to do after a hit or a shootout, not dissimilar to getting ramen or McDonald’s after going to a club.

You catch a bit of their conversation as you approach. One of them holds up the liquor bottle (Isojiman sake, you now recognise from your girls’ bar days, one of the rarer bottles costing around nine million yen) and asks Suo if he wants to join. “No thanks,” he says predictably, “I'm on a diet.” Then he turns and looks right at you—startling you, because you had thought you were being fairly quiet—and gives you a smile so genuine that it reminds you of his Furin days. “Would my beautiful wife like to drink for me, though?”

“No thanks,” you reply, “but your beautiful wife would like to talk to you.”

The two guys clear out to give you some privacy. You’re left alone with Suo, feeling awkward after several days of resenting him for no reason. (You’d rather die than go to therapy, but the whole fear of abandonment thing is probably something you should start addressing.) You don't even know where you want to sit. Eventually, you settle for placing yourself next to him, which is a decision that Suo quickly overturns by pulling you into his lap.

A flutter erupts in your stomach as he settles you on top of him. This physiological reaction is absurd, as not even ten minutes ago, you were trying not to throw up at the line of corpses in front of the elevator. It should also scare you somewhat that Suo’s hands—delicately adjusting your body—are still covered in blood. But truthfully, you can't help but be happy when he makes you feel so loved.

You take one of the napkins on the table and start wiping at his knuckles. Tenderly, in case they're bruised or skinned.

“You didn't call or come home,” you start.

“I thought it would be too dangerous.”

You frown, thinking of all the bodies outside. “Was this a rival organisation?”

“No. They were ours.” He sighs. “A succession conflict. There are a few people who don't like how I'll run things if I take over.”

You nod. Suo is very old-fashioned in his ideals about the yakuza, which you think is an imprint of his master’s influence, and something that appeals to his current ‘father’. He values chivalry. He likes protecting the weak. His filial devotion to his deceased master has now extended to every member of his yakuza family, especially his oyassan. He’s almost certainly the top candidate for taking over after the oyabun dies, but being that part of his old-fashioned principles excludes lucrative projects such as sex trafficking, you suppose it’s natural that some people in his organisation would prefer him dead rather than in charge.

“You’ve never ghosted me during violent conflicts before though,” you say. “I was worried that something happened to you. Or that you were upset with me.”

Suo’s hand drops to your waist, pulling you a little closer.

“They knew where we live. They tried to get to you, you know.” Your eyes widen in alarm, so he cups your face with a palm. His thumb glides along your cheek, and your response is almost Pavlovian: your heart rate immediately slows at the comfort of his touch. “It’s fine. They won't bother you ever again.” The cheerful smile returns. “And if anyone else ever does, I'll handle them too.”

Your heart swells. Enthusiastic pledges of murder are not a healthy sign of affection, but after so much loneliness—whether from the past several days, or the years before that, you aren't sure—you can't find it in yourself to be disturbed. You feel and sound painfully fond when you reply, “I know.”

Suo’s expression dims a little then. “I thought you'd like the space anyway.”

“What?” You give him a confused look. You have never once given him any indication that you want even an inch of space from him. You'd crawl into his ribcage if you could. “Why would you think that?”

“I thought you felt suffocated. You left my club just so you could have sex with other people.” You blink, lingering on his wording. Other people. He continues before you can ask about it, sighing, “You didn't even ask me who I'd give permission to touch you. You just went ahead and decided on your own.”

“...”

You try not to look disturbed. Suo’s apparent wish to control your sexual decisions is news to you, and somehow more alarming than the murder pledge. And even worse—you immediately clench in response to his words. The thought of Suo dictating who does and doesn't get to touch your cunt is… well, your mind is heading in a distinctly non-platonic direction.

Trying to ignore the heat in between your thighs (but at the same time encouraging it), you ask: “Who would you have been, um, okay with touching me?”

“Sakura or Nirei,” he says immediately. “Though only Sakura would be interested.”

“What.” You gape at him, all arousal forgotten. “Bullshit. He would never.”

“Yes, he would.” Suo tilts his head. “Haven't you noticed?”

“I don't think there's anything to notice? And also—he’s so shy, I don't think he'd ever agree even if he were interested!” You give him a bewildered look. “He couldn't even look at us when we said we were getting married, he was so embarrassed!”

“Embarrassed?” Suo stares at you, an amused glint in his eye. “Is that what you thought was going on?”

“Was there anything else?”

He studies you for a moment, clearly entertained but not explaining why. “Well—it’s fine,” he says. “It doesn't matter for now. Especially since he's helping us plan a wedding and all.”

You make a face. “I still can't believe that's the cover you went for.”

“Are you upset with it?” he asks smoothly, and you huff and say yes, but from his sly look, you think he knows it's a lie.

Naturally, you deflect before he can further interrogate you. “So, given that you are now my fiancé, am I no longer allowed to work on Keisei Street and see customers after my shifts?”

You don’t expect it when Suo says, “No, you can.”

You stare. “What?”

“You can keep seeing customers if you'd like. You said it makes you happy, so why would I stop you?” Suo’s brow furrows, his usual calm replaced with concern. “Do you really think I do the things I do to make you miserable?”

Guilt gnaws at your heart. He looks so disappointed. “No,” you tell him. “I just thought it'd make you miserable that I was sleeping with people without your permission.” It is partly why you hid it from him in the first place, after all. You don't like to see him sad—you’re still haunted by the deep grief he was in, after your master died—and also, his misery tends to bring bodily harm to other people these days.

Cognizant of both concerns, you ask, “You’re really okay with me sleeping with my customers? I can stop, if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. I still don't like it, but you can continue for now if you want.”

Suo’s mouth curls—not in a gentle way, as has been his expression since seeing you walk in, but in a way that sets off your flight or fight response.

“I'm sure we’ll reach a mutual understanding soon enough.”

END PART 1

thank you genuinely if you read all that because this is a deranged au and I still can't believe I wrote it sldfkjsldfkj. please do let me know if you enjoyed my yandere suo delusions. sorry there was no smut in this chapter. I promise there is a ton in the next one (probably too much... lol. it's a 10k chapter and literally half of those words are about orgasm denial sldfkjalskdjdf). it's completely written and I hope to edit and have it up by next week!

also here is glossary of terms and world building notes if you are interested!

tagging @kweenkatsuki-fics !! <3

#cake served!

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amywritesthings · 1 day ago

Text

happy birthday, levi. / part one.

pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin) word count: 2.7k summary: It's your first Christmas with the whole Underground gang -- but you didn't realize the date shares significance to someone's birthday.

rated teen // pre-aot, the underground gang are teens, explicit language, baking, eating food, unresolved romantic tension, lots of yearning, fluffy found family vibes for the holiday

note: set in the universe silver underground during flashback two credit: dividers by @/saradika-graphics; thank you to @nube55 for sending me this prompt for the SU anniversary! part of: #leviweek24 / @levievent (day one: birthday)

part two coming soon.

Christmas Eve.

Although you have never celebrated the holidays before, it isn’t as if you’ve never wanted to celebrate them. Mother had no interest in spending her booze money on her adoptive children, and most of the people residing in the Underground don’t have the coin in general for the festivities they partake in on the surface.

Lost in your own thoughts, it takes a few seconds for you to realize you have company: Furlan and Isabel slide up to your scrubbing station at the kitchen sink sporting twin smirks, one on either side.

(You swear they operate on the same unearthly wavelength.)

“Whatever it is you’re planning,” you start with a pointed look to Furlan, “Levi is going to say no.”

“What makes you so sure we’re going to tell him?” chimes Isabel, catching your interest.

When your turn your attention to her, the ginger-haired girl grins proud and wide.

You’re not convinced.

“So you two want to double your chores?”

“Why would he double them?” Furlan snorts, taking a finished plate from your hands to towel-dry it off.

“If I feign innocence to whatever plot you’re hatching, then he’ll give both of you—” You use a clean fork to gesture it between the conspiring friends. “—not only his duties, but mine.”

Isabel deflates a fraction of an inch.

“Damn, she’s right.”

“Still,” Furlan presses on, “you should hear us out, because there’s something you don’t know about tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Your brow furrows. “You mean Christmas? I know what Christmas is, Church.”

“No!” Furlan groans, head bent back to the ceiling. “Ugh, c’mon, James. We all know Christmas is tomorrow—”

“—but so is a certain someone’s birthday,” interrupts Isabel.

Wait.

Low and conspiratorial, you voice the point they’ve been hinting at since they double-teamed this conversation at the kitchen sink:

“...Levi’s birthday is on Christmas?”

“A-yup.” Isabel crosses her arms, leaning against the counter. “And he doesn’t ever tell anyone about it, so this is a biggie.”

“Then how’d you know?”

“Because Furlan told me.”

“But we didn’t celebrate it last year,” you argue. “Before we found Isa, I mean.”

(How has it already been a year since you’ve been living with the boys, and six months since Isabel Magnolia joined the crew?)

“Well, technically I only found out this year because Levi kinda mumbled in his sleep once, and I put two and two together,” Furlan quickly explains, palms held up in surrender, “but he never mentioned it any of the other years before when I met ‘em.”

Granted, you barely remember your own birthday sometimes, but the idea of a holiday overshadowing Levi’s birthday feels… sad.

There is already so little in the Underground to celebrate, but Levi is an exception; always has, always will be for you.

Giving the newly-clean fork to Furlan to towel off, you take a step back to view them both.

“I’m in.”

“Huh?”

“Really?!”

Isabel catches what you’re saying well before Furlan does — unsurprisingly. Although the young girl shares a bond with Furlan, the two of you have your own secret language.

(A found sister you’d always wanted.)

“We have plenty of time to make a small cake before he comes home,” you add, rounding them to begin looking around the shelves to take inventory.

Although ingredients for baking in the Underground are scarce and few, the score from last week’s heist can be your solution to a few deals with some of the surface-dwellers lurking with luxury goods.

“Fur, mind running to the market? You can use some of my earnings if flour costs extra this year.”

“No need, sis, we got ya,” Isabel chirps as she bounces over to the door, saluting you.

Furlan meets your gaze and nods once, saluting as a joke to match Isabel, before disappearing.

The small apartment is silent once more, leaving you to stir in this newfound information about Levi Ackerman.

There’s so much you still don’t know about the teen, his personal life locked tight with an impossible key.

If Furlan’s wrong, then it’ll be one hell of an awkward surprise.

If he’s right?

Your attention trails to your shared bedroom with Isabel, mindful of the bag of tea you’d stolen in last week’s heist. There hasn’t been a time or place to tell Levi that you swiped goods from somebody on the surface, risking your own neck for something as precious as leaves.

(But they mattered to him, so you didn’t think twice.)

With a sharp inhale, you place your hands on your hips and nod to yourself.

“A birthday cake,” you say to no one, hyping yourself up for the challenge. “It’s a damn cake, how hard can it possibly be?”

The answer appears to be incredibly hard.

“You’re not doing it right.”

“What?”

“I said you’re not doing it right, bro!”

“I know how to sift flour, Isabel!”

“Not well, apparently!”

“Children,” you call to your helpers at the old dining room table, “I know they say baking is a science, but I need you to be less critical and more — y’know, efficient, before he gets home.”

“Aye, aye, captain!” Furlan calls, holding out a bowl to you. “Flour, salts, and all the whatever stuff is ready for you.”

You take it off of his hands and add the mixture, trying to eyeball the mix.

Granted, you’re no baker yourself — you’re barely a cook on your regular days, left only to observe and learn by what Levi’s taught you since moving into his apartment — but you’re trying your damnedest anyway.

Once the rectangular pan is in the oven, you drop the mittens onto the counter and wipe the sweat off of your brow.

Is it the most amazing cake?

Probably not.

Should it have taken three people to make?

Definitely not.

Yet the three of you worked hard to produce it.

“When is he supposed to come home?” Isabel adds, flopping down on the couch with a grunt.

“He said by nightfall,” you tell them both, remembering your brief conversation from this morning’s spar. “So we have some time.”

Furlan hangs his apron (see: Levi’s) against the back of a wooden chair and drops down to the couch beside Isabel, his head lying back.

“How come he always tells you where he’s going, but not me?”

You don’t have an answer.

Furlan is right: Levi always leaves his plans in the palm of your hands, his whereabouts unknown to the rest of the world, but you aren’t sure why.

In hindsight he should be trusting the person he’s known the longest, and yet—

Just because Levi endorsed you.

The words that Furlan spoke when he first revealed the ODM gear to you, though it was dropped before you could ever get clarification.

Levi wanted you here, after all these years.

He trusted your word, your opinion, your view.

And you still don’t know why.

(You would be a liar if you said you didn’t feel the same magnetic pull, unspoken and unmatched.)

“Watch the cake, will you?” you ask the two as you disappear into the bedroom, closing the door to a crack behind you.

You move to the tiny nightstand by your bedside, rummaging through the bottom drawer to find it: the loose tea leaves hidden away, smelling delightfully fresh.

Gingerly you hold it in the palm of your hands, wondering—

Will he be angry if he finds out you swiped this?

Would it supersede the fact that you stole them just for him?

(A cake baked by three idiots is already a stretch for someone who doesn’t tell people about their birthday, but will a personal gift cross the line?)

Your hand curls around the bag to gently conceal it in the pocket of your worn jacket, making a decision.

It’s almost Christmas.

You’ll take your chances.

The second the raven-haired boy steps into the apartment, you can tell he’s on high alert.

Maybe it’s the way Isabel looks as if she’s about to burst at the seams, overtly excited for the surprise hiding behind her back.

Maybe it’s the way Furlan bends at the hip, awkwardly pressing a hand on the chair behind Isabel’s back to complete the human shield hiding your amateur birthday cake on the table.

Regardless, his eyes flicker to them directly to yours, asking wordlessly:

What’s going on?

You shake your head, albeit lightly.

It’s fine.

The furrow in his brow only decreases by a centimeter before his stern gaze returns to the wonder twins all but bursting at the seams with their giggles and snickers.

“What shit did I walk into?” he bluntly asks them.

Furlan takes the lead, playing the much-too-cool cop in this situation.

“Well, ya know — it’s Christmas Eve and all—”

“Obviously,” Levi flatly interrupts.

“—and you have been busting your ass and stuff on this next job of ours—”

“This feels like a very poor proposal,” he interrupts again.

“—and because of—”

Isabel, unable to help herself, bursts out with her arms high over her head:

“Happy birthday, bro!”

Silence.

Pure.

Agonizing.

Silence.

Levi’s eyes find yours once more, brows raised with intrigue. There are multiple questions in his eyes, some you aren’t quite catching, but you know he’s biting his tongue.

Mad, maybe not, but uncomfortable? Yeah.

You tilt your head as if to apologize, unable to provide much solace, only to walk to the table for the big reveal.

Picking up the little chocolate cake from behind Isabel and Furlan, you carefully hold the tray as you walk across the apartment right to him at the door.

“Technically Furlan told us it was tomorrow,” you start as if you’re trying not to scare a feral cat, “but we wanted to make sure you could celebrate it.”

“And you wouldn’t be out of the house tomorrow,” Furlan chimes in, and you can’t help but roll your eyes when you’re out of his line of sight.

That gets an imperceptible smile to twitch at the corner of Levi’s lips.

“That, too,” you concede.

Holding up the cake with the singular burning candle, your eyes search his for his thoughts, feelings, emotions — if he hates it, if he’s angry at the three of you for conspiring, if —

“I didn’t know Furlan knew my birthday,” is all he responds, staring at the cake.

Even if he’s subtle about it, the flicker of the flame before him illuminates a different story.

He’s… shocked.

Stuck staring at the flame, the dark-haired teen seems to be committing the sight to memory.

So are you.

“You’re supposed to make a wish and blow the candle out,” you murmur, catching his attention. ”I don’t make the rules.”

His stormy eyes glance up at you, taking a pause.

(A moment, it seems, for the two of you.)

“Any?” the sixteen year-old asks under his breath.

You nod.

He nods back, eyes still on you, before reaching for the cake. He pinches the flame between his thumb and index finger, snuffing out the flame instantly.

Your eyes shoot wide. “Levi—”

“Blowing on it is fucking disgusting,” he chimes, before craning his neck so he can look at Furlan and Isabel waiting behind you. “You mouth breathers didn’t get any of your germs on this thing, right?”

Isabel cackles while Furlan makes short, choked noises of indignance.

“Hey, I didn’t get my damn germs on it!”

“Just checking,” he replies casually, but a ghost of a smile passes over his lips. His head tilts quickly to the right, signalling the two of you should join them.

(The tea leaves feel heavy in your jacket pocket.)

Walking the cake back to the table, Isabel jumps at the ready to cut up slices, all too eager to serve the birthday boy and talk his ear off about the many adventures they’d taken as a trio to pull this off. You give her the floor, too busy watching Levi in the moment.

Was this really his first cake?

Granted, you’ve never had a cake yourself, much less a birthday present, but…

The concept of celebrating something — anything — among the four of you hits your in the belly, hard.

You want to celebrate. You want to take the perceived little things and make them grandiose, with the time that’s been gifted to you.

You’re only sixteen, but you know.

Time is precious.

(And so is he.)

Observing the group as they dive into their slices of chocolate cake — thank the heavens they’re not only edible, but delicious — you wait for clean-up duty to begin in order to tap Levi’s billowing white sleeve draped across the empty chair beside him.

The raven-haired boy looks up at you, his full attention solely on you.

“You alright?”

You nod, even if your palms are sweating.

“I noticed you baked the damn thing but didn’t have a slice,” he adds simply. “Allergic to chocolate cake or something?”

“I’ll have some later,” you promise, shifting from one foot to another. “Could we… talk?”

Immediately his brow furrows.

Concern.

You wave it off. “It’s nothing bad. Swear.”

“Is it a second cake?” he tries to joke, deadpan in its delivery, but he stands nonetheless.

You snort, stepping away to walk him to your bedroom for privacy.

Isabel and Furlan are too busy fighting over who cleans and who dries.

This is your window.

Levi follows, his forearm resting on the doorframe for a second as he looks you over, trying to understand where this is going. His eyes narrow, contemplating, before walking in after you.

“It isn’t like you to be cagey.”

“Yeah, well, this is something just from me.”

The words cause your body to scorch with embarrassment. Sentiment isn’t in your vocabulary. You’ve known him for over a year now, closer to two years, yet—

This feels strangely intimate.

Especially now that his narrowed gaze smooths and softens, understanding.

Before he can say anything more, you shove your hand into your pocket to fish out the bag and hold it out to him, jaw clenched.

You should say happy birthday, but you can’t.

Hell, you can’t say much of anything as you wait.

Levi drops his chin, pausing, before he nears. “Is that…”

“They’re fresh,” you interrupt in a blurt.

“James.”

Shit.

He sounds upset.

“I know, but I was discreet,” you attempt to explain. “It was in someone’s pocket during the heist and — and I know we don’t steal from anyone beyond the MPs, but this was one of those shitty surface-dwelling assholes that try to market and outprice us.”

His hand freezes over the bag, hovering. Swallowing your fear, you gesture once more with your open palm for him to take the bag.

“I don’t regret it.”

That causes him to flicker his widening eyes from the bag to you.

“Do you know how expensive—”

“I don’t fucking care, Levi,” you exhale, relieved to finally confess it. “It’s almost your birthday. It’s Christmas Eve. I… I think you deserve it more than anyone, surface or underground.”

Silence befalls the room once more.

He seems to struggle with the concept of deserving much of anything — always has — before he gingerly relieves your palm of the bag to bring it towards his chest.

Levi stares down at it with wonder, turning the bag and feeling its weight in his hand.

To your surprise his head dips, taking a brief sniff of the leaves and basking in the aroma.

“...thank you, James.”

His voice is softer, this time.

A bewildered whisper.

It squeezes your heart and makes it grow twice its size.

In the darkness of your bedroom, you finally find the strength to say the words, loaded with a gratitude you can never repay.

The boy you met so long ago in a flurry of fists; the teen who offered a hand of refuge and a promise to never go back to a life of anguish and pain; the person who’s defined you — this James, in this life — for the better and never for the worse.

You hope a gift in the dark, a cake baked by three, and a wish can convey it all.

“Happy birthday, Levi.”

And many more, with me right by your side.

author's note: i know i've disappeared for the past month, but i wanted to give at least a little present to my readers past and present for sticking by me in 2024. this is a two-part birthday series. the second part (also set on levi's birthday) will be posted at some point after christmas since i'm super busy with family and friends tomorrow.

merry christmas, friends. thank you for your support and kind words. i'm so grateful for the memories we've shared in 2024, and i hope that i can keep posting my pride and joy into 2025. 🤍

#levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x female reader #attack on titan fanfiction #snk fanfiction #snk fanfic #aot fanfic #aot fic #snk fic #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfic #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #aot fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #aot x reader #snk x reader #leviweek24

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sirenesolace · 3 days ago

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SOLAR RETURN CHART 2024!!

Solar return charts usually last until your next one BUT because the year is almost over, i wanted to look at some of the predictions my chart indicated😸 some of them were WILD so hold on tight!!

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a professional astrologer and these are just OBSERVATIONS I am doing purely for having fun!! My aspects or placements may not turn out like yours so don’t worry 💕 These observations were made thanks to several already written posts on here about solar return charts, my personal experience and some researches😽

HAPPY HOLIDAY ❄️☃️

————————————————☆★!!

VIRGO RISING: starting with the rising sign. I read on here (I’ll try my best to tag the creators), that the year you have Virgo rising on your solar return chart, will one of your busiest years, and BOY WAS I BUSY. I started college (as indicated with my packed 9th house) and every time I thought I could relax there was a new assignment to do or notes to take for a class. I was practically drowning in homework.

SATURN + NEPTUNE 7TH HOUSE: because I was so busy all the time, i barely had time to really form any romantic relationship even tho I daydreamed about it a lot (Neptune). I was rejecting people + dates left and right, because I was busy but also I am very inexperienced with relationships: so I was sorta scared of diving into them. (Saturn representing blockage and fears in the house of relationships). Another interesting point was me manifesting and visualizing a relationship with a specific man (Neptune)

9TH HOUSE STELLIUM: I not only started college this year, but I also traveled a lot! A lot of my travels were done by plane this year. I went to a whole new country, and visited some family in another country.

4TH HOUSE LORD IN THE 9TH: the 4th house sign is Jupiter, and it’s placed in the 9th house; because I am going to college in a new country, I moved away from my home country. I’m already settled in and I absolutely LOVE the city I’m studying in😸! The people there are so freaking sweet and nice!

SUN + VENUS IN 11th HOUSE: I made sooo much friends this year and I’ve gotten so much compliments 🤭 I also became so confident this year, and that reflected in my reality. Compliments from strangers were so common this year. People would literally walk up to me and tell me the most unique compliments. It wouldn’t be the 11th house if i didn’t talk about social media. I started posting so much more on my socials (which is funny because before my solar return I took a social media break). I gained so much followers and overall focus on posting + creating content. Also I took manifesting seriously this year and gotten so much of my desires.

CHIRON 8TH HOUSE: I avoided having intimate relationships so much this year💀 Not necessarily a bad thing for me, but it’s very paradoxical knowing that I was wishing to have it so bad. I honestly was very avoidant and kinda scared to be intimate because I never experienced it AND before I can be intimate, I have to truly love someone intensely. That didn’t happen so I’m actually glad I wasn’t intimate with anyone. The solar return chart will run all the way to 2025 until my birthday (July 12th) so who knows 😛

JUNO 21°, 1ST HOUSE: I kid you not, a stranger that saw me at my hotel (while on vacation in a foreign country) asked my mom for my hand in marriage 😭😭 my mom speaks little English so he google translated what he needed to say to my mom💀 Juno in the 21st degree makes it interesting because it’s linked to Sagittarius: languages, foreign countries and long distance .

MOON 5°, 1ST HOUSE: I read on here (pls help me tag the creator) that planets at a 5° signify change. The moon is linked to menstrual cycles and because 2024 was a leap year, there was a change in my cycle. I also became better at regulating my emotions (I started meditating, doing breath work and Yoga) and became better at transmuting them so I could persist in my manifestation instead of having break downs about my reality.

LEO MERCURY IN 12TH HOUSE: I DID ACTING!! One of the things I manifested for myself. I did theatre and I had so much fun playing the character. The ugly side was that I was extremely drained from doing homework, coming late from rehearsal and I was barely sleeping + eating (literally had a breakdown multiple time and I was hopping they would kick me out the show). One of the directors (FUCK THAT BITCH) literally didn’t care fr and acted like she did. It’s a relief my mom came to visit the week before the big show and stayed with me till now. I was well fed and had so much energy because of it. Show went extremely well and my cast members kept mentioning how much the audience always were more responsive when I was on stage, so that made me so happy that they loved it🥹 One thing is that I’m never joining the theatre club again. It’s extremely demanding with my time and as much as I enjoyed acting, what I went through wasn’t worth my sanity😭 The next time I will be acting, I know it will be film acting instead because i didn’t enjoy theatre acting that much.

VIRGO AURA CONJUNCT ASC: this one was super interesting. People kept telling me you give off the vibe of someone who’s super intelligent, organized, confident and focused on her study. The word “aura” at the moment is very well known to mean “someone who radiates a lot of power/confidence” and people have told me I do radiate that; because of it I’ve gained a lot of suitors and admires (men and women).

PLUTO 5TH HOUSE: This one is gonna be a STRETCH but, I think Pluto here kinda explains me feeling burnt out about theatre 😭 the 5th house does govern this so I think it makes sense. 5th house also governs crushes and casual relationships, and i tried to avoid these as much as possible this year. I will say that I did have at least 1 crush this year which was super exciting knowing that I haven’t had one for 3 years. He acted like a “know it all”, was not a gentleman, did nicotine (one of my biggest turn offs) and when I finally did want to make time for him/ tried to reciprocate his feelings (because he literally loved me from the first time we met💀), he kept giving me mixed signals. I take a mixed signals as a “No” so I immediately stopped giving him any attention after that.

I hope you guys had as much fun reading as I had fun making this😽

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acourtofthought · 3 days ago

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can you genuinely say at this point in time, Elain wants lucien? I'm not asking for theories or headcanons. I am asking if you genuinely think that Elain in any way is secretly pining over Lucien, and what textual evidence supports that.

People have argued about her mentioning his name, but I don't think that has to do with romantic feelings for him, moreso basic respect for another. People have talked about a "half-step" which I must've missed bc I do not even remember that - but i don't think a "half step" necessarily conveys anything romantic.

I'm trying to form an opinion in this ship war, but its hard when I see a ton of misinformation from every side. The elriels have their own faults, but they can point to text now that shows Elain wants Azriel.

Can Eluciens do the same? I'm not trying to start a fight, I really just want to know what portion of each ship is backed by the current books vs. how much is just people theorizing they are end game and what they want to happen. And if the Elucien ship is purely just "SJM will always pair fated mates together" that's also fine and valid imo, I just want to know if there's anything in the books you can point to that shows Elain wants Lucien at this moment in time. I don't want to argue about hypotheticals and foreshadowing and what a rose symbolizes. I want cold hard words on the page.

Please note: I know just because it might not be there YET doesn't mean it's not going to happen. I want to evaluate the current standing of these books and the rationality of each argument. But to do that, I need people to be honest about what's there and what's not. I'm asking you because you run one of the more...logical shipwar blogs. But if you don't want to answer this - I also understand why.

At this point in time I don't think that canon supports Elain wanting anyone and that includes both Az and Lucien.

The only person Elain ever confessed having feelings for is Graysen. Real feelings. The "my heart belongs to you" kind of feelings.

Elain specifically said she did not want a male or a mate and those are categories Lucien and Az fall under, despite the almost kiss with Az in SF. It's been proven that a FMC in a SJM book can hook-up with a guy but not want a relationship with him (Feyre / Isaac, Nesta with fae who were not Cassian, Mor / Cassian, Mor / Helion) so Elain's actions in the Az bonus don't prove Elain wants him for more than a night of fun. In fact, the text in canon has her agreeing to "just a taste and that would be it". That's not a confession of long term commitment nor was there any to be found in any other interaction she's had with Az. Even crushes don't mean you're wanting forever with someone. Not to mention she was not written as looking towards either Az or Lucien in the 5 months after Solstice so absolutely no canon supports that she wants to hook-up with Az anymore. Elain's past actions from months ago (including those with Az) can't really be used as proof of canon of now, otherwise we should all be claiming she's still in love with Graysen since she never specifically stated she no longer has feelings for him. Nobody says that though, we use the canon of her no longer breaking down over Graysen to show she's moved past wanting to be with him and currently the canon suggests she's also moved past whatever she was about to do with Az on Solstice since there are zero signs to argue otherwise. There is also zero evidence of Az still wanting to be with Elain in any way now that we're 5 months beyond Solstice. 7 if you count HOFAS.

Right now I think the only thing canon truly supports is that Elain is showing no romantic interest in anyone, male or human. 5 months is a long time. Feyre left Tamlin then was mated to Rhys within 5 months and Elain was not mentioned as shedding a tear for Graysen in that same length of time, not mentioned as looking Az's way in that time, not having a reaction (good or bad) to Lucien in that time.

So to your question, canon does not support Elain wanting Lucien but it doesn't support her currently wanting Az. Canon also never supported her wanting to start a relationship with Az, canon doesn't support her wanting a mating bond with Az, canon doesn't support her having any desire to go forward with a forbidden love with Az.

Does that mean it's what she's actually feeling for Lucien or even Az? We can't say for sure because we don't have her POV but if we're truly basing this discussion off canon alone than Elain doesn't currently seem interested in anyone. It's not fair for e/riels to claim she still wants Az 5 months later as they have no evidence supporting it. It's only their headcanon that she does. Not to mention it's their headcanon she wanted to have a relationship with Az in the first place. They have zero evidence to show she'd be willing to seriously date him.

But as far as what I genuinely think (your phrasing)? I think Elain is struggling with the pull she feels towards Lucien and it scares her.

I don't think all Elucien's assume Sarah will pair Elucien together simply because they're mates. There are many layers behind what we feel.

I do think Elucien's use logic based on Sarah's writing and that logic tells us that characters don't simply ignore a mating bond. In canon, the bond creates a tug to the other that can never be truly forgotten. Based on that canon we hypothesis that there is a lot going on under the surface which is why she's hidden Elain's thoughts from us. She's the only main side character from the original cast who has never been given a POV and there's got to be a reason for that. Sarah was willing to share her almost kiss with Az but never her actual thoughts for Lucien who she suddenly began ignoring in ACOFAS after the events of ACOWAR and that seems a bit purposeful doesn't it? How a kiss isn't a secret but what she feels about the bond she says she doesn't want is?

While we've got no proof showing she wants Lucien, we were given so many examples of the author making an effort to show their compatibility. We were given a bunch of crumbs as to where Elain's future journey could take her and many crumbs placing Lucien in those same places. The author wrote Lucien (not Az) meeting Elain's father. We were given a bunch of scenarios where we're left wondering WHY Elain behaved a certain way towards Lucien especially after she defended him to Graysen, after she took a step as if she'd stop him from searching for Vassa, after she did follow he and Feyre instead of staying behind at her father's grave, after they were left together to wash up after the war, after she invited him to come back to Velaris but only after all that she began completely ignoring him for unexplained reasons. Based on Sarah's writing that pull and push typically means a character is struggling with her pull / desire for the other person and things aren't so one dimensional as "she doesn't like him!" If she didn't like him then why take a step as if to stop him? Why follow him instead of staying with her father's grave? Why peer up at him? Why invite him to Velaris?

We've been in this place before with a Sarah book. "Why did the character do that only to do an abrupt 180?" We saw it with Nesta, who was willing to die with Cassian in ACOWAR only to do the most 180's of all 180's by giving her virginity to someone else in the novella. To telling Cassian she wanted nothing to do with him though we knew she did. So Elucien's are only waiting to see how the author deals with Elain and her inner thoughts of Lucien. We don't think Elain's setup is going to be any less complex than Nesta's was. We believe the author is going to tell a story that is deep and meaningful. And while Elain's current setup doesn't prove this to us just yet, it is canon that Sarah has given that exact treatment to every single one of her mated pairs, whether the FMC was struggling with what she felt or the MMC (as we saw with Rowan and his bond with Aelin), so it would be silly for us to think Elain would be the only one who isn't given that same complexity.

While the textual evidence does not necessarily prove Elain has feelings for Lucien, I think it's valid for Elucien's to use textual evidence of Sarah's past writing patterns to predict the direction she's taking them.

I have no problem admitting that current canon doesn't prove Elain wants Lucien but I've never seen a e/riel admit that current canon, by the end of SF, also doesn't prove Elain wants Az. That canon never proved she wanted a relationship with him at all. Canon doesn't even prove she called his scars beautiful considering Feyre said she wasn't sure if she was referring to his Siphons yet they still hold on to that one.

Canon proves Elain loved Graysen though he was an asshole, canon proves that she was willing to hook up with Az with no proof of anything more, and canon proves that she shares a mating bond with Lucien that she'll never be able to completely forget ("it will be a bond that will trail her for the rest of her existence") though she's currently trying her best which results in weirdness for everyone. That is all the canon proves.

From a romance standpoint, only one of those storylines typically has staying power.

#elucien #pro elucien #elain archeron #pro elain archeron #sarah j mass #fated mates #ask response

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deityoftherain · 3 days ago

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sculpting memories - Smalletho Soulmates & Sibling Bad Boys Fantasy AU

Rating: Teen

Relationship: M/M, Gen

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Status: Completed Oneshot

Word Count: 8,285

Summary:

Joel was content enough with his life as a sculptor, sticking around his hometown. Sure, it got a little lonely when his brothers were out exploring with their soulmates, left with only his creations and whatever managed to travel over the soulbound he shared with his soulmate to keep him company. A soulmate he's never met, and likely never will if he stayed where he was, according to his brothers.

He ignored their advice, forcing himself to accept fate in exchange for his own comfort. He was fine as things were. Obviously.

Luckily for him, and as a relief to Grian and Jimmy, fate had a different plan for Joel, showing its hand the moment a handsome stranger took refuge in his studio...

I wrote this for @i-got-hit-by-a-planet through the @mcytblrholidayexchange event! I really enjoyed writing it, and I hope you enjoy reading it :D

You can read the full fic under the cut if you don't want to reroute to AO3 <3

Joel could be cheesy and go on about how sculpting always came easily to him, but that would be a lie. Sculpting wasn’t just something he picked up one day and was suddenly a master at, no. Just like everyone else, he got himself an apprenticeship and worked his way to the skill level he was at now.

What Joel could claim, however, was that he was really fucking ambitious. He always strived to create far beyond his skill level, which only pushed him to get better. He improvised, adapted, and overcame any challenge he faced until he was satisfied with the result.

To be fair, he was a very slow learner at first. Like, astronomically slow, but as he worked day in and day out, that changed. Joel became more familiar with how the clay worked and the methods passed down from mentor to apprentice.

He was actually quite quick now, all things considered. Joel could create small and simple cups, bowls, and vases within a few minutes, those of which became his source of income. Traveling traders would buy some of his wares and resell them beyond the territory of Woodland Forests.

It was a steady gig, at the end of the day. It was certainly more steady than the freelance work he preferred. The freelance work was more interesting, of course, taking another’s ideas and making something beautiful out of it, but it wasn’t consistent. Consistency was necessary to support oneself.

His favorite creations, however, were the ones that he made for himself. Joel liked to indulge himself after his work was done, taking the clay and molding faces and creating landscapes on vases. They often came to him in glimpses from his soulmate’s eyes for he’s never seen much of what he’s created for himself. Joel’s soulmate, after all, was what inspired him to sculpt in the first place.

Joel knew he had a soulmate far before he ever understood the concept himself. For as long as Joel could remember, he was bound to his soulmate. The connection was never strong enough to contact them with any sort of intentionality, no, but it was enough for Joel to deduct what sort of person they were. Their souls were connected to one another, after all, destined by the universe.

Not all soulmates were romantic, but each was a life partner. Sometimes, soulmates were platonic, sometimes queerplatonic, occasionally familial, or something else under the sun. A soulmate didn’t complete another person, nor were they meant to dictate the other’s personal life, but a soulmate was a partner, someone meant to perfectly fit in their soulmate’s life like they had always been there.

And, in a way, they always have.

Joel knew deep within himself that his soulmate was to be his partner in the romantic sense. He didn’t know how to explain how he knew, he just did. His brothers would always laugh at him for being so… mushy. Grian did, at least. Jimmy occasionally laughed too, mostly relieved not to be the one teased at that moment, but Joel would always glare at him and he’d shut up quickly.

“What do you think your soulmate would be like?” Jimmy wondered out loud, though the question was directed at them both. He laid with his back to the floor and his legs on his bed. His yellow wings were sprawled out beneath him, a genetic trait from their mother’s side of the family.

“Stupidly oblivious,” Grian huffed bitterly, arms folded across his chest as he sat with his legs situated to look vaguely like a butterfly. His macaw-banded wings– also from their mother’s side– were folded into a heart behind him, feathers brushing up against the wall.

“Well, duh.” Joel rolled his eyes, tail like a wolf’s flicking once to the left before sweeping to curl around his right side. He was the only one of his brothers to inherit the wolf genetics from their father’s side of the family. “It’s Scar! He’s always had his head in the clouds. That, and he can never sit still, which says a lot considering he uses a wheelchair to get around.”

“And sometimes crutches!” Grian rushed to his soulmate’s defense, despite the fact they all knew this and that Grian’s response was half-baked at best.

“You should tell him you’re soulmates,” Jimmy suggested for the thousandth time. “I would want my soulmate to tell me if they found out.”

“Grian’s not going to do that,” Joel cut in, already knowing the truth. He poked Grian’s side with his foot, earning a squawk of protest and a swipe at his leg. Grian missed, and Joel continued, “We both know that Grian’s too much of a chicken.”

“I am not!” Grian tried to defend himself, face turning red with embarrassment. “I just… we’re too young to start any sort of romantic relationship. I don’t even know if he wants that. I’m just giving him space to try and figure it out.” “You’re fourteen?” Jimmy pointed out, brow furrowed. “Fourteen is a perfectly reasonable age to start courting, especially if the intended target is your soulmate!”

“Not the point!” Grian dismissed Jimmy, but Joel ignored that fork in their conversation.

“Really?” Joel deadpanned at Grian. “Scar Goodtimes? Mr. Physical Affection Extraordinaire? The fucker that makes innuendos all the time and pretends to not know what he said?”

“He just doesn’t think before he speaks,” Grian murmured half heartedly. He cleared his throat and raised his voice to direct the conversation away from him. “What about you, Joel? Any closer to finding yours?”

Joel clamped his jaw shut and averted his gaze. He didn’t want to talk about it. The air in the room soured from playful to tense. Luckily, Jimmy saved him, speaking up to talk about what he’s gathered about his soulmate through their connection.

It had been a good several years since that moment, over a decade, in fact, and Joel still didn’t want to talk about it. The glimpses of his soulmate’s life that he was granted by the universe depicted lands far from his home in Woodland Forests. They featured faces of people he didn’t recognize with landmarks he didn’t know where to begin to locate.

Finding his soulmate would require adventure and travel, but Joel had no interest in such a thing. Joel was a homebody at heart. He liked the predictability of his life. He enjoyed the connections he has with the other residents of Woodland Forests. He relished in the sense of community and solidarity clear between the townsfolk. And, while he wouldn’t always admit it, Joel loved and appreciated his family, no matter how much he teased them or they teased back. They knew this, of course, Grian often calling him a mother hen, but taking care of his younger brothers was just the birth-assigned task each eldest child was given. Joel couldn’t abandon them if he tried.

…even if they frequently encouraged him to go out and explore like they each had done many times before.

“Come on, Joel!” Jimmy whined, draping himself against Joel. The taller was lucky Joel was strong because they would have both otherwise toppled over, cracking their skulls open on the rough earth. “Please?”

“I said no,” Joel huffed, irritated at Jimmy’s persistent questioning.

Jimmy flopped off of Joel, jutting out his lower lip in a pout. “But it would be so much fun! Do you plan to stay in this kingdom forever?”

“Yes,” Joel replied, dry and blunt. He turned on his heel and left Jimmy there, not intending to humor his brother any longer, and that was that.

What purpose did he have to leave? He liked it here, and he had no desire to enter foreign lands and potentially land himself into trouble in another kingdom. His bad-mouth and anger issues had gotten him into enough ruckus over the years. He had no desire to widen the amount of available jail cells he could spend the night in.

Besides, Joel had set up a comfortable life for himself in Woodland Forests. Occasionally, his family expressed worries of him being too lonely or too isolated or some shit like that, something about how they couldn’t always be around and had their own lives and soulmates, but Joel always waved their concerns off. He was content with his clay and the pieces of his soulmate the universe chose to deliver to him. Plus, how could he be lonely when he had customers and the other townsfolk?

Speaking of his soulmate, they must be experiencing some sort of adrenaline rush because Joel felt wired up, hurried, and out of breath despite barely moving for the past hour or three. Extreme or strong emotions were often shared between soulbounds, which always gave Joel a bit of whiplash no matter how long that sort of thing had been occurring.

“I don’t know why I’m so sad!” Jimmy wailed in distress, tears rapidly flowing from his tear ducts and wetting the front of his tunic. His body shuttered with each breath as he hugged himself tightly, fingernails digging into his shoulders.

Joel tried to comfort him the best he could, but there wasn’t much any of them could do. If Jimmy couldn’t pinpoint a reason for such emotions, then they were likely being shared through his soulbound, meaning Jimmy had no control of the sensations. It was mostly up to Jimmy’s soulmate to get their act together.

Still though, Joel couldn’t bear it to see his youngest brother so upset, so he pulled Jimmy into a hug and combed his fingers through Jimmy’s hair, muttering gentle reassurances reserved only for tender moments.

The door to his shop swung open, forcing Joel out of his memories. His wolf-like ears twitched to attention as his gaze snapped to the intruder. Joel barely had time to process what happened as the stranger ducked behind a cabinet and curled as small as he could in the corner between the wall and the cabinet. Their hair and fur were snow white, not surprising once Joel came to the conclusion that they were an arctic fox hybrid. He’s known other fox hybrids, but never an arctic fox, so that in itself was interesting, but also what the hells was he doing in his workshop?

“Uh, hello?” Joel narrowed his eyes at the other man, crossing his arms across his chest. “The place’s closed. Come back tomorrow.”

The arctic fox hybrid had a black mask over his nose and mouth, covering most of his face, but the fear in his wide eyes shined with enough emotion to make up for the concealed parts. “Please hide me!”

Joel gaped at him in disbelief. Who did this guy think he was, telling him what to do? Joel scoffed at the ridiculousness of this situation. “Hide you?”

“Yes,” the other nodded quickly, voice no more than a whisper. “Don’t tell them I’m here. Please.”

Joel furrowed his brow at him, which only had the other flick his fox-like ears back and pathetically beg for Joel’s aid using only his eyes. He was clearly not from here, based solely on his accent and the fact Joel knew everyone in this part of Woodland Forests. Joel sucked in his lips, struggling to resist such a pitiful plea. His brothers always did this sort of shit too, and Joel was rarely strong enough to refuse for long.

Am I really going to do this? Joel wondered to himself as he sighed heavily, absentmindedly tugging his long hair out of its ponytail and then redoing it to be more secure. “Fine, but I demand an explanation after.”

“Deal,” the arctic fox hybrid was quick to agree to the terms, somehow shrinking back into the corner even more.

Joel averted his gaze from the stupidly handsome man and walked to the door to his workshop. He had thought he had locked it, but apparently not. This time, he ensured the door was not going to budge without inhuman strength. The sign on the door indicated that he wasn’t taking customers or commissions at the moment, so it would hopefully deter whoever was after the stranger.

The arctic fox hybrid’s breathing hitched in his throat door as shouting grew closer to the door, but they both were deadly silent by the time someone rattled the doorknob in an attempt to open it. “It’s locked! He must have fled further down. Come on, before he gets away!”

Joel waited until he couldn’t hear them anymore before pressing his wolf ear against the door. He could feel his own heartbeat, though he wasn’t sure why because he wasn’t scared! What reason did he have to be scared? He hadn’t done anything wrong! Why was anxiety pricking at his skin so furiously?

Eventually, Joel backed up from the door and turned around. He didn’t bother to look in the stranger’s direction, simply gesturing for the other man to follow him toward the door in the back, one that led up to a small loft above his workshop. Joel was about to enter when he paused to glance over his shoulder, checking to see if the other was following him.

He was not.

Joel raised an eyebrow. “What are you waiting for?” “You–” the arctic fox hybrid squinted, obviously confused, “you want me to come with you? You’re not kicking me out?” “Does it look like I’m kicking you out?” Joel rolled his eyes. Hadn’t his intentions been obvious? “Come with me before I kick you out and you take your chances with whoever is after you. This better not bite me in the ass, by the way, or you’re going to regret it.”

Joel didn’t wait this time, climbing his way up the spiral staircase to his studio flat. The flat wasn’t very big, but it was plenty for one person– maybe two if they were comfortable being in close proximity– complete with necessities and not too much more. Truthfully, it was all he needed, and he utilized the space well. While it may not be his main passion, Joel could confidently decorate with the best of them.

In an attempt to be courteous, Joel gave his guest– the stranger seemed to have been upgraded from intruder to guest in Joel’s mind within a short timeframe– space to take everything in. He retrieved the kettle off the counter and filled it up with water before stretching toward a nearby cabinet to fetch a pouch of magic fire dust. There were many ways to bring a kettle full of water to boil for tea, but fire dust was Joel’s preferred method.

“Do you need help?” his guest offered, suddenly appearing behind Joel and startling him. Joel cursed loudly, and his guest apologized, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Uh, my name is Etho, by the way.”

“Etho?” Joel parroted, eyeing him up and down. “That’s not a name you hear everyday. Did your parents name you after the then-baby prince of whatever that kingdom is called? The one to the west, I think. Are they fans of them or something?” “Something like that, yes,” Etho chuckled awkwardly with a half-hearted shrug.

“Bet they felt all fancy and foreign,” Joel joked, finding himself slipping into a far too familiar territory with someone he didn’t know. “Etho, so exotic I can’t even pronounce it like you can. Accents, ey?”

Etho’s expression morphed into an almost fond one, the look he gave Joel making him feel strangely but wonderfully warm. Joel didn’t quite know how to handle that, nor the butterflies in his stomach or the intoxication that came just from a masked smile. The blummin’ smile reached his eyes, and Joel found himself wanting to take a peek or five under that mask of his.

“It’s okay,” Etho assured him. “I find it cute.”

Cute. Joel studied Etho, somewhat warily but also a smidge flustered, before flicking his ear and turning back to prepping the tea. “I’m Joel, by the way.”

“Joel,” Etho repeated with a single nod. “I like that name. It’s nice.” “Thanks.” Joel had almost expected Etho to make unsolicited comments on his name next, but none came. It almost infuriated Joel, wishing Etho would take the mickey out of him like he had to Etho.

Not sure what else to say, silence fell between them. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it wasn’t very great either. Etho simply stood there awkwardly as Joel finished the tea, too close for comfort, but not close enough to properly make content. It was strange– Etho was strange– but Joel couldn’t find it in himself to be too bothered.

Once Joel poured the tea into the cups, he led Etho over to the two-chaired table Joel often spent meals eating at alone. That was, if his brothers didn’t come over, anyway. If they did, he pulled out a spare chair he could fold down and tuck away in a multitude of locations. It was currently slid under his bed.

“So,” Joel started once they settled down, green eyes piercing into Etho’s soul, “are you going to tell me why you’re on the run?” Etho blinked rapidly at him, as if surprised. Perhaps he was. Something in Joel was confident that he was, but he didn’t linger on that thought. “How did you know?”

“You broke into my workshop, ducked behind the nearest cabinet, and begged me to keep you hidden,” Joel deadpanned, unable to resist rolling his eyes. Was this fox guy dumb? “Plus, I know everyone in the greater Woodlands, and I don’t know you, so d’ya wanna tell me what you were running from or where you were running from? Maybe even a why, may I be so lucky.”

Silence seemed to echo off the walls, as impossible as that was, each moment feeling impossibly stretched thin before Etho shook his head. “I don’t want to say.”

Joel scoffed and took a sip of his tea. “So you’re a coward.” “I am not!” Etho denied, the part of his face Joel could see around his mask flushing pink with embarrassment.

“Mhm, yep, sure,” Joel agreed dryly, swirling the liquid in his cup.

Etho averted his gaze, and Joel allowed quiet to fall over them. He had expected the hush to be awkward and full of tension, but it felt oddly… peaceful? It was strangely comfortable, like they were meant to be together as they were. Just… existing beside each other. Did the arctic fox hybrid have magic? Was he bewitching him somehow? Did Joel even care if he was or not?

Joel was halfway done with his tea when he broke the silence to ask, “Do you not like tea?”

“Huh?” Etho asked only to answer his own question before Joel got a chance to respond. “Oh, I do, I like tea, I just…”

“What? Are you scared?” Joel teased, a smirk growing on his lips. “It’s not poisonous, if that’s what you’re scared about. If I wanted you dead, I would have killed you already, or handed you over to the people looking for you.”

Etho crossed his arms over his chest, ears flicking back for just a moment in a way Joel honestly found really fucking adorable. “I’m not scared of you.”

“Oh yeah?” Joel raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Prove it?” “Prove it?” Etho repeated in disbelief.

“You think I’m joking?” Joel didn’t back down from the challenge, staring him dead in the eyes.

Etho sighed in defeat with a slight shake of his head. “You’re impossible.”

And perhaps Joel was impossible, as it were, and he knew many would agree, but there was… something on Etho’s face that felt… fond? Was Joel reading that correctly?

“Yet you love it,” Joel shot back in a near automatic response.

Etho chuckled and… yep, the something was definitely fond. “That I do.”

Creases formed by Etho’s eyes, like he was smiling underneath the mask, which only made Joel want to smile back. They were bickering, sure, but it was simply playful, maybe even fun. Warmth spread throughout his limbs as his heart beat just a little faster.

Time seemed to slow down as Etho started to remove his mask. Breath caught in Joel’s throat as the other peeled away the fabric to reveal what he looked like underneath. Joel had thought he was stunning before, but damn. His tongue darted out to wet his lips as Etho raised the tea cup to his to take a sip.

Joel averted his gaze for less than a second before meeting Etho’s eyes again. He wasn’t a coward; he could look some blummin’ guy in the eye! He studied the now-maskless man carefully, hiding the action by sipping his tea and maintaining idle conversation.

Etho was peculiar, but Joel didn’t find that fact necessarily bad. He had a scar over his left eye, a wound that must affect his vision in some sort of way. The eye almost looked bloodshot or like one of Joel’s clients– an albino cat hybrid– but it was less of a crimson or scarlet, and more blood red. His unaffected eye reminded him of Grian’s slightly soulless irises.

Neither Etho nor Grian’s eyes were truly soulless, but the inside joke had lasted between the brothers far too long at this point for Joel to forget. He and his brothers tended to be the kind to hold onto terms like that for reference later, especially if the term in question was stupid, funny, or an unintended innuendo.

Next thing Joel knew, hours had passed, the sun long gone below the horizon. They moved from the table to the “love seat”. It was a two-cushioned couch, meant for only two people, but Joel, Jimmy, and Grian have made it work when none of them were in the mood to sacrifice the prime spot and sit on the floor.

“Tim, get your boney hip away!” Grian shoved Jimmy away from him and toward Joel, which only resulted in protests from Jimmy and the loss of Joel’s couch space.

“Jeez, man! Grian!” Jimmy tried to slap away Grian’s efforts to avoid being forced off the couch. “I wasn’t even that close! Stop shoving!”

“Don’t make me kick you both out of my flat,” Joel threatened, resisting Jimmy’s intrusion in his space and pushing him back towards Grian.

“You wouldn’t do that to your favorite brothers!” Grian countered, wings fluffing out.

“You’re my only brothers,” Joel deadpanned, his wolf-like ear twitching. “And yes, I would. Would you like to test me?”

“Guys!” Jimmy whined as he was seesawed back and forth between his older brothers.

…it didn’t always work.

Etho and him fit just well on the sofa, and it helped that Joel didn’t mind when they brushed against each other. In fact, Etho’s touch felt electric, perhaps magnetic, drawing Joel in despite his reservations. As someone who wasn’t huge on physical contact from others, that desire caught him off guard. He didn’t fully know what to do with himself, but that didn’t stop him nor Etho from shifting closer and finding excuses to come into contact.

“Stop touching me!” Joel ordered in a whine, maybe eight years old.

“I’m not touching you!” Grian’s finger hovered over Joel’s skin, close enough Joel’s hairs could inform him of where Grian was touching without him having to look.

Joel smacked his hand away, but that didn’t deter his brother. “Yes you are!”

“No I’m not!” Grian continued to be a nuisance, as most younger brothers tended to be.

That memory occurred so long ago that Joel couldn’t recall how it ended.

Either way, even when ignoring the physical, Joel still found it odd how easy Etho was to talk to. It was like they had known each other their whole lives, and were just meeting to catch up. Joel had never gotten along with a stranger this well, especially when he wasn’t doing his best to behave. Sucking up to authority to hide that he was a menace in every other situation was more of a Grian tactic than his. Joel was more likely to be unapologetically himself and suffer whatever consequences came with that.

Not that Etho was an authority, hells no! Etho was an equal; they were on the same playing field. They just fit together like adjacent puzzle pieces. Etho seemed to get him, and Joel relished in the fact that his quips and teasing were well-received. As Etho grew comfortable, he began reciprocating the jabs in his own witty way.

Joel loved hi- it.

“It’s getting late,” Joel announced with mild regret, finding himself not wanting the night to end. Stars, was he falling for Etho already? His brothers would never let that go if they knew.

“That it is,” Etho acknowledged with a slight frown.

His eyes followed Joel’s gaze to the skylight he had installed, positioned to allow for sunlight while maintaining privacy from those walking around outside. The day’s light was far gone now, but the stars were visible and he didn’t have to worry about onlookers, and that was more than enough for Joel.

The stars were truly gorgeous this time of year, bright and twinkling on the cloudless night. Maybe Joel would be able to show Etho at some point. They could find a nice place to lie down and stargaze… would Etho enjoy something like that?

What is wrong with me? Joel cried inwardly, wanting to shove his face into his hands and half-groan half-scream his feelings out. Instead of groan-screaming, he tried to muffle a yawn into Etho’s shoulder before hugging Etho’s arm like a stuffed animal and using his upper arm as a somewhat-boney pillow.

“Are you planning to stick around?” Joel asked in a sleepy murmur, more hopeful sounding than he would have preferred. He shifted so he could observe Etho’s reaction before expanding on his previous question. “Sticking around Woodland Forests, I mean.” “Maybe.” Etho hummed non-committedly, a falsely innocent grin tugging at his lips as his gaze pierced down through his soul. “Why? Do you want me to stick around?”

Sly fox, Joel’s mentally accused with feigned annoyance, like he wouldn’t do similar in Etho’s situation.

“As if!” Joel scoffed, though he made no effort to move. “I just wanted to know if you planned to use my shop to coward again or not.”

“It was not cowering,” Etho corrected, nay insisted. “I was simply using the resources at my disposal to avoid an undesired situation, like being smart and clever and stuff.”

“Sure,” Joel rolled his eyes, though there was no bite behind the motion. He struggled to hide how happy he was, which was easy considering the weariness that pulled at his limbs. It was past his bedtime, as he had woken early that day to work on his sculpting.

If Etho said something else, Joel didn’t catch it, half-slipping into unconsciousness. Perhaps he would have fully entered the dream realm, but something alerted him enough to jump with a start, forcing Joel back into the awake world. He partially sat up, brushing his hair out of his face– when had he let it down?– as he blinked rapidly in confusion. “Huh? Wha?” “Shh, it’s okay,” Etho soothed, arms securely around Joel as he whispered into his ear. Joel settled back down and Etho’s fingers returned– returned? How did he know that?– to combing through Joel’s brown locks. If Etho were anyone else, Joel may have been embarrassed, but… no one had to know. Not when Joel wanted it so bad, wanted that comfort. “Sleep, don’t worry. I got you.” A soft ecstasy covered him like a warm blanket, constant and overwhelming, but also secure and not too much to handle. Joel wasn’t sure if the emotion was dulled by his half-awake state, or if it was just another thing that his soulmate unintentionally shared through their soulbound. Before he could think about it too hard, Joel lost hold on his intelligent thoughts, slipping into the world of the unconscious.

If Joel had taken a moment to step back, perhaps he would have noticed the signs earlier. Grian and Jimmy teased him for being dense, but how did they expect Joel to connect the dots when Etho’s presence was so natural, much like he had been there the whole time? There was no “adjustment period” or significant effort put into getting used to living together. They just were.

“What inspired this?” Etho inquired one day, not too far in the future.

“What inspired what?” Joel responded with his own question, shifting his attention from his busy work– from creating bowls to sell for profit– to Etho. “Hold on, give me a second, and I’ll look.”

The arctic fox hybrid had spent a lot of time watching Joel work, as if he were studying techniques with nothing but his vision to aid him, but, those past few days, Etho turned his focus elsewhere. Instead of watching Joel create, he studied previous creations of Joel’s instead.

Many sculptures perplexed him, Joel could tell, but Etho denied the claim whenever Joel brought it up. Etho had reassured them that they were very good, just vaguely… familiar. Joel shrugged, not often having an answer for him. Perhaps the illustrations he committed to sculpted pottery weren’t as unique or specifically detailed as he thought his imagination was, not if Etho had seen such works before.

Joel got to a stopping point, wiped his hands with the designated rag, and got up to join Etho where he was gawking. He froze as his gaze landed on a sculpted boat, one of his most prized creations. Joel had spent well over a month dedicated to specifically it– tending to every detail he could possibly think of including– so long that he even gave it a name.

“The Relation. The relation-?” Etho read off the lettering Joel had meticulously added as a little inside joke to himself. Joel had thought it was hilarious, at the time, and Etho must have thought so too by the smile creased by his eyes. “The Relation Ship! Aha, I get it. That’s clever, I like it.”

“Thanks,” Joel grumbled, carefully picking up the boat like it would break if he looked at it wrong to locate it somewhere else away from Etho.

That must have confused Etho, for he scrunched his nose and tilted his head as if trying to view the situation from another angle. He didn’t protest Joel’s action, however, something Joel appreciated. Etho was good about that, not pushing Joel’s boundaries when it came to something clearly important to him.

The Relation Ship wasn’t for other people to see, only Joel and his soulmate. His brothers hadn’t even seen it! Perhaps that was a little overprotective of him– perhaps silly or childish were better words– but The Relation Ship was one of the only things he and his soulmate shared!

Joel hoped it was something they shared, at least.

No one could ever truly know what would be shared through one’s soulbound. One could make an educated guess or a half decent prediction, but nothing was for sure. Just because Joel saw flashes of sketched boats through his soulmate’s eyes via the soulbound link didn’t mean his soulmate received any notice of Joel’s recreation.

He sometimes worried that they’d never see it, but that thought saddened him too much to linger on…

Okay, anyway–

There were times Joel and Etho simply existed together, doing their own things or working on nothing at all. Parallel play, he thought Etho called it when referring to that time at some point. He wasn’t sure, but either way, that wasn’t the point. The point was that Etho had started to hang around even while Joel sculpted, but not always to watch this time. Instead, Etho brought down some parchment from the loft that he had paid for himself and sketched whatever he fancied.

Despite Joel’s jabs at Etho for being a lousy freeloader, he was actually anything but. He did persuade Joel into letting him stay with him at his flat for free, despite all logic and good sense, but Etho strangely didn’t disappoint. Etho made himself useful, helping keep the flat clean and going out into town for odd jobs. Apparently Etho was handy with redstone– a sort of magical technology Joel only knew the basics of– brushing off the skill as just a hobby despite his expertise. He raked in more than enough money to earn his keep.

Based on what Joel knew about his handiness and tendency to be creative in his crafts of choice, he shouldn’t have been surprised when Etho asked, “Can you teach me?”

“Teach you?” Joel prompted, raising an eyebrow. “Teach you what? To sculpt? To be as hot and sexy as me?”

Etho snorted in amusement, tail swaying idly behind him, though all he said aloud was “Yes.”

“To be hot and sexy? That’s not a teachable skill, unfortunately, for you would have come to the right place. Luckily for you, you already do fine– just not as good as me, of course,” Joel joked lightheartedly before answering what he assumed was Etho’s real question. “If you want to learn to sculpt, on the other hand, you’ll have better luck with a master.”

Etho mulled over Joel’s response for several heartbeats, so long that Joel hadn’t expected the conversation to continue any further. He had gone back to what he was doing when Etho spoke again, “Are you not a master?”

Pride bubbled up in his chest as he straightened his posture and wagged his tail, beaming brightly at Etho. “Not officially, no, but I’m flattered you think I’ve mastered the craft already.”

“Have you not?” Etho glanced at some of Joel’s nearby works that he decided to keep when they were finished, skeptical of Joel’s not-yet-mastary.

“Ha!” Joel threw his head back in a dog-ish– wolf-ish?– bark. “Hells no.”

They both filled a hole in the other’s life, one that neither of them fully realized had been empty. Joel found himself enjoying the company, something he’d been missing with his brothers off doing their own things. It didn’t help that Joel tended to isolate himself in his studio, zoned in on his projects and nothing else. Business transactions and small talk had nothing on a genuine friendship.

Without his brothers there as often, he had no one to watch after or drag him out to do things he claimed he didn’t want to do. Joel hadn’t realized just how lonely he had become until he got a taste, much like a sip of water after unintentionally slipping into dehydration. He just couldn’t get enough.

Now, It had been a little over a year since Etho had entered his life, and Joel was eternally grateful for it. His lonesome flat had become more lively with Etho’s things added among Joel’s and sketches Etho had gifted Joel pinned up in a gallery to decorate the walls. It was perfect, their relationship was perfect, but their understanding of their status was… admittedly embarrassing, to say the least.

“What do you mean he’s not your boyfriend?” Grian exclaimed a little too loudly, flabbergasted.

“Quiet!” Joel growled under his breath, rough and rumbley as a byproduct of his wolf genetics. “I don’t need the entirety of Woodland Forests in my business!”

“Fine!” Grian huffed back, mildly irritated at the correction, but not enough to refuse submitting to Joel’s request. He repeated himself, this time at a lower sound level. “What do you mean he’s not your boyfriend? Haven’t you two been dating this whole time?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy agreed with Grian, seemingly astounded by this news, “I thought you had found your soulmate and started dating him, and just didn’t want to tell us directly yet for some reason–”

Joel pursed his lips, ears flattening back against his head. He didn’t want to admit anything, but with his brothers looking at him so expectantly, and, well… there wasn’t much they could hide from each other for long. “We haven’t talked about it.”

“It?” Grian parroted, the word pitching up an octave with his disbelief. “It? Joel, I can’t believe you–”

“Why not?” Jimmy cut in before Grian could say more, face all contorted and bewildered. “Don’t you like him?” “Of course I like him!” Joel snapped, face growing red with embarrassment and shame. He groaned, leaning forward as he tangled his fingers in his hair. The tug on his scalp was just enough stimulation to distract his mind from blowing a fuse and doing something he’d regret.

“Then what’s the problem?” Grian questioned, not granting Joel any empathy. “You like him, you’re soulmates, you’ve been functionally dating for months now– what’s the issue? Honestly, where is it, ‘cause I don’t see one.”

“It’s not that simple!” Joel claimed with a desperate wail, tugging harsher on his scalp. Jimmy shifted closer to Joel, taking a more sympathetic approach. He wrapped his arm around his shoulder and rested his wing against the back of his torso, but he didn’t say anything. Not yet. “You of all people should understand, Grian, with Scar, and with–”

“Yes, and I’d be the first to admit that I was an idiot in my youth,” Grian deadpanned, before sighing. “Joel, I would have saved a lot of heartache if I just was transparent with Scar years ago. I am passing on that advice I had to learn the hard way for you and your soulmate–”

“I don’t even know if Etho is my soulmate…” Joel murmured defeatedly, hands dropping from his unstyled hair to his lap. He curled his tail close to his body, so tightly that the end of the wolf’s tail was close enough for Joel to fidget with the end of it. “Not for sure, anyway. I mean, I have a hunch, but how can I really be sure when–” “But you want it to be true, don’t you?” Jimmy spoke up, far more caring than Joel deserved. Joel was supposed to be the responsible, mature caregiver of the trio. He wasn’t supposed to be the one needing help. That wasn’t a job for the youngest nor the middle child, yet here they were…

“Of course I do,” Joel’s voice cracked as he squeezed his eyes shut, tears trickling down his cheeks. “How could I not? I mean, I love– like him! Stars, how could I not like him? I wish I knew, for this… infatuation is such a problem.”

“I can’t believe you just called what you and Etho have an in-fat-u-a-tion,” Grian drawled out that last word. “You two have been living like a married couple for months! I don’t know how else to tell you that that is not ��infatuation’, mate.”

“Even if it was, how is that a problem?” Jimmy leaned his head against Joel’s shoulder, arm still wrapped around him as he idly twirled and curled Joel’s hair around his fingers. “Does he not like you back like that? Or do you mean to say he’s not a romantic soulmate? A platonic one, perhaps? I have a friend like that, you know, and there’s nothing wrong with it, they’re happy–”

“Our relationship is anything but platonic,” Joel corrected, smiling weakly at the thought of what they had being anything else, as if it were amusing or something to entertain themselves with. No one looked at only a friend like Joel and Etho looked at each other. Joel’s smile fell and he bit the inside of his lip with his canine teeth. “I just… I don’t want to fuck it up.”

Grian took a deep breath, presumingly to calm himself down before he allowed his annoyance at Joel’s dumbassary to influence his comments anymore. “The only way you’re going to fuck it up is if you don’t do anything about it.”

Jimmy nodded briefly in agreement. “At the end of the day, it’s better to know than to live in this limbo of inbetween.”

Joel didn’t respond right away as he mulled over their words. He sniffed as he dried his eyes with his sleeve. “When did you two grow up and get so wise?”

Grian and Jimmy didn’t respond with any sort of actual answer, instead mwah-ing kisses all around him in between cooing playful sentiments at him. Joel swatted them away lightheartedly, not using most of his strength so he didn’t accidently hurt them. “Oh, enough you two! Fuck off!”

His brothers only giggled in response, and Joel couldn’t help but join the chorus.

They were right though. He had to do something about it. If he didn’t, he feared he might burst.

That was a bit of an over exaggeration, but he’s always been good at those.

Joel had gotten his wish to show Etho the stars properly fulfilled multiple times before, stargazing even becoming one of their favorite pastimes. Etho had built a reputation for himself, meaning he got rather busy, and Joel still maintained his business, but they tried to find time to stargaze at least once a week, even if it was from the comfort of their flat.

It didn’t matter to Joel if they went out to lay in the grassy outdoors or if they chose to observe the constellations through the lens of their flat’s skylight. As long as they got to have that time, he was content. Honestly, as long as Etho acknowledged Joel’s existence, he was over the moon.

…maybe he had fallen for the arctic fox hybrid a bit harder than he first guessed.

Huh. Anyway–

Now Joel’s never done yoga or anything, but he was fairly confident that their stargazing had that same sort of meditative effect. Ever since Etho and Joel decided to make stargazing a regular event, Joel’s found himself less quick to anger or prone to explode. The urges and impulses were still there, of course, but they had… dulled. They’d become more manageable.

Joel couldn’t recall the last time he’s gotten in a tiff with a merchant or pissed off the guards enough to spend the night in a cell. Maybe his brothers had been right this whole time. Maybe having something– someone worth coming home to actually did help. Joel had always been too full of himself– too arrogant– to actually ever take their advice.

Speaking of his brothers’ advice…

“Etho?” Joel broke the silence cautiously, though he didn’t yet lift his head from Etho’s shoulder.

They two laid under the skylight staring at the stars with pillows supporting their heads and a large blanket draped over them to share. Etho laid flat on his back with his arm under Joel as Joel sandwiched his right arm between them and rested his left arm on Etho’s chest, hand over his sternum.

Etho didn’t respond at first, making Joel worry he had fallen asleep just as he had gathered his nerve, but those anxieties dissolved once Joel shifted just enough to see Etho’s face only to find it flushed pale pink. The pale pink always looked so lovely against the snow-white of Etho’s hair and fur, and Joel found pleasure in eliciting a blush from him. “Whatcha looking at?”

“You.” The word flowed from Etho’s lips so smoothly that Joel had half the will to deny its genuinity.

Joel’s own blush killed any notion of doing so, however. “Okay, sure, yeah. Whatever you say, Etho.”

Etho’s breathing hitched, followed by what Joel could almost swear was an “Oh, snap–”

What a blummin’ dork, Joel couldn’t help but think, huffing a laugh. “You okay there?”

“Yeah,” Etho whispered airily out as he turned his head to bury his face against the base of Joel’s hair, his fingers absentmindedly messing with the ending strands. “Yep, yep, everything’s okay here.”

Joel kept his hair well-maintained, a requirement for being allowed long hair as a child, and he has simply kept it up into adulthood. Fidgeting with it became a staple for not only himself, but his brothers, and apparently anyone else who managed to get close enough, proved by Etho.

Their unplanned detour led to Joel momentarily forgetting the intentions he had for tonight so, instead of using the silence as an opportunity to bring it up again, he stayed quiet, simply enjoying Etho’s presence.

For better or for worse, Etho pressed a close lip kiss against the top of his head before speaking again, “I’m always a sucker for how you say my name, no matter how many times you do it. Actually, I’m just a sucker for you in general, to be honest.”

Joel detached himself from Etho’s torso, sitting up and looking down at the fox hybrid, ignoring the way Etho made his heart flutter like nothing else. The sensation only became more intense with their soulbound. Was he making Etho feel the same way?

Etho rose to sit up alongside him, a glimpse of fear on his features. Joel resisted a frown, instead deciding to tease his soulmate– his soulmate!– by leaning into the “Eefo” pronunciation that came with his native Woodland Forests accent.

“What a cheesy romantic you are, Etho,” Joel jested with faux and playful disgust. Ugh, when had he become such a sap for this man?

“Could you blame me?” Etho didn’t wait for an answer, cupping Joel’s face gingerly. Joel melted into Etho’s hold, letting his eyes flutter close. He placed his own hand over the one cupping his face, partly to help support the weight of his head and partly to nonverbally convince Etho to not let go.

As this happened, Joel did his best to ignore the way his tail involuntarily wagged like an excitable dog, thumping against the blankets with a dulled thump, thump, thump. As bad as that was, he worked even harder to get his brothers’ childhood teases about him really being part dog further away. Joel didn’t need their comments in their head right now, as deserved as they may be.

Stars above, how had he managed to delude himself of Etho’s feelings when he acted like this?

“Can you blame me,” Etho asked again, “for being sappy when I have you as a soulmate?”

Joel’s eyes flew open as his body went all tense and rigid, hand falling to his side. “You knew?”

“I’ve had a hunch for awhile,” Etho admitted, scratching the back of his neck and not looking Joel in the eyes, “but I wasn’t sure, because you never said anything, but, uh, yeah.”

Laughter bubbled in his chest and spilled out of him, less out of joy and more out of shock. Joel’s unexpected laughter must have caught Etho off guard for he hesitantly checked in with, “Your reaction confirms that we are, right? And that you’re… good with it, and want me too– want me like I want you– and–?”

“Yes!” Joel tried to contain himself, but he wasn’t very successful. Tears welled in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over. “Yes, of course, you beautiful, blummin’ idiot.”

“I– You really have a way with words, don’t you?” Etho replied sarcastically, though no negativity could be detected among the sarcasm. “I’m, like– I’m getting mixed signals here, Joel.”

Joel rolled his eyes affectionately, throwing his leg over Etho’s legs so he could practically sit on his lap facing towards his soulmate. Joel tugged on the collar of Etho’s top until they were close enough for their lips to brush and for Joel to feel Etho’s breath on his face. He didn’t try to contain his tail this time, and Etho didn’t appear to either.

“You talk too much.” Not true in the slightest, especially with Joel being the more talkative one out of the pair, but logic and rationale weren’t exactly on his mind at the moment. “You should do something about that.”

Etho pulled Joel flush against him, using the fat just above Joel’s hip bone to secure his grip. His lips parted briefly, as if he were going to respond with some sort of witty retort. Before he could get anything out, Joel traced his tongue against the ridges of his sharp canines, effectively attracting Etho’s attention. His soulmate’s pupils dilated, their mutual desire only amplified by their soulbound.

Their lips collided like two forces of nature fighting to consume the other. They devoured each other, intoxicated with each give and take, getting lost in their venture for pleasure and bliss. The ever present want refused to die down now that it was given what it had yearned for for so long. Joel knew it would be difficult to stop once they started, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

It was difficult for Joel to differentiate where he started and Etho began, especially with the building sensations they traded back and forth. Joel understood his brothers actions and mindset in accordance to their soulmates a whole lot better now, a realization that brought a strange sense of enlightenment.

Euphoria pulsed through his veins, and he never wanted to stop. Not when he’s wanted so long, not when they have needed each other for so long…

Neither he nor Etho knew what the future held for them, but something told Joel that, as long as they had each other, they were more than ready to take on the challenge. Joel wanted nothing more than to see where life would continue to take them. Etho was worth it and more, after all, but don’t tell him Joel said that. He would tell Etho himself in due time, but the proper words could come later. For now, though, Joel enjoyed what they shared, and he knew Etho felt the same, and that was more than enough for him.

If you got this far, please like and reblog, and maybe even kudos and comment over on AO3! Thank you kindly, I appreciated it <33

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twoa-plus · 1 day ago

Text

this is not a polished essay it is a giant yap session u have been warned

gotta be at least in the top 3 posts most likely to get me blown up by a missile but why is every depiction of bill & ford’s relationship either “hehe cute/sexy romance >:3c” or platonic psychological horror. why can’t we have both (not the cute/sexy thing, just the romance) like. u guys are aware that Really Really Horrible non-platonic relationships are a thing right. like u guys do know that right

idk i don’t really have words to express this eloquently but this fandom’s fixation on the idea of Romance = Good feels really weird to me. i really really love exploring complicated fucked up characters & their dynamics with each other and it’s just exhausting to not be able to do that without 14 pages of clarification. i know every fandom is like this to some extent i wasn’t born yesterday but it seems ESPECIALLY bad here. and yes imo it IS important to differentiate between a platonic & romantic relationship in this context bc that DOES make the way it reads a little different and that can be an interesting thing to discuss

also while i’m yapping abt things that would get me beat over the head with a shovel, y’all gotta learn that different interpretations doesn’t mean bad interpretations. like using bill & ford as an example:

“this is a good healthy relationship” bad interpretation. do you know how to read

“this is a really fucked up abusive platonic relationship” valid interpretation

“this is a really fucked up abusive romantic relationship” also a valid interpretation

(^does not apply to aus just the Actual Canon Written Text, aus are obv a case-by-case thing)

someone having the second interpretation does not make them homophobic i cannot believe i have to say this. someone having the third interpretation does not mean they support abuse (i actually can believe that i have to say that one at this point)

personally i actually don’t really care either way between the second and third i just wish we as a collective could have one (1) interesting and nuanced conversation about their dynamic & what led to it & all that stuff without spending 75% of the time just clarifying the opinion of “abuse is bad” it is so fucking tiring

anyways. fiddauthor truthers rise let’s all beat bill cipher to death with hammers

#yet again i have another thing that i think this ties into but whatever. this post is a disaster i dont need to make it worse LMAO #i am so fucking scared please do not get rabid in my notes i am just a little guy #idk if it comes through in the tone here but i’m not angry or anything jsut like. Tired #i do not have the energy to handle full on anger rn i will not hesitate to spray u guys with water like cats #gravity falls #bill cipher #stanford pines #tw abuse #cw abuse #i think those are the only cw/tw tags i need here?? if there’s any more lmk !!#and for the sake of those who have it filtered:#billford #twoa.txt

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oceansssblue · 2 days ago

Note

Perhaps, tech and cross being twins ,,,, chaos vibes.

Perhaps tbb twins and the domino twins getting into trouble together

Mmm... Fun little idea sparkling! ✨😈

Xx, Blue.

PS. Still acepting xmas clone reqs!

"CHAOS COMES IN PAIRS"

– NO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP.

– FEATURING: TECH, CROSSHAIR, FIVES, ECHO. 💖

WARNINGS: CROSSHAIR CURSES A LOT. TINY PHYSICAL (PLAYFULL) FIGHT.

"I've found another set" Fives proudly proclaims, stepping into the empty office his brother had chosen to hide in in order to study his eleventh manual of the month without anyone interrupting him.

Too bad; Fives is a man on a quest.

"A set of what?" Echo asks, glancing up at him over his datapad with a suspicious look on his face.

He knows his brother well enough by now to guess Fives is planning something; and he's looking for a partner in crime. No matter how ridiculous his ideas are, Echo has the strange tendency to tag along. Fives has mastered the art of convincing him.

"Another set of twins, brother of mine" Fives almost sings, an excited grin on his lips. "And right in time for Life Day".

Echo chuckles; eyes shinning in recognition. They have a little tradition, him and Fives; each year, on Life Day, they try to prank another set of clone twins. It had started as a silly joke when they were children; with Echo mumbling twins weren't even a rarity in Kamino anymore and a mischiveous Fives trying to cheer him up and stating that at least they should try to make sure they were the coolest and best known ones. It had moved towards a small plan to mess with other twins from time to time –just innocent playfull games, nothing major– and spiraled from there. Nowadays, Fives and Echo's almost eternal twin rivalry was a known funny story in the GAR.

"What company are they in?" Echo asks with interest, for once abandoning his reading and paying undivided atention to Fives.

The clone grins as if he had been waiting for this specific question all the time.

"They're not even on one" he corrects. "Have you ever heard of the bad batch?"

Echo frowns in confusion; trying to figure out where had he heard that before, why it sounded so familiar. Then an image pops in his head; and Echo's eyes widen in surprise.

"They are twins?" He asks in disbelief. "But they're so different!"

Fives laughs.

"Well, it's not obviously "long hair" and the big guy, but the other two... It's just haircut, tattoos and googles, really".

Echo snorts. Fives continues with his monologue.

"Personality and attitude changes one's physique so much, vod'ika. That's why I'm the handsome twin".

Echo rolls his eyes. He turns on his datapad and slumps down on the chair again.

"Alright, Fives. The smart, realistic twin will come get you when he comes up with a plan of action" he deadpans, sarcasm heavy in his tongue.

Fives has to have the last word. After all, he is the annoying one...

"Ah, Echo, you're gonna' make me blush".

"This is fucking discusting" Crosshair hisses, an angry, irritated expresion perked on his face, dragging his feet inside the Batch's barraks.

"For once I find your words completely accurate" Tech agrees, following him.

They're both covered in some sort of red slime. They had been attempting to give a fresh layer of paint to their armours; but someone had replaced the red paint for a stickier substance, and it had been impossible to get rid of it. It somehow stuck to the skin; a viscous, unpleasant feeling they couldn't wait to take off.

Crosshair was the first to jump on the shower.

"What karking material is even this? And who the fuck waisted their time to pull this on us?"

Tech hums while methodically folding his clothes into a pile.

"I suspect this substance is a mix of Naboo's Faera's flower pollen and the usual starch and glue they often use in children's toys" he explains, hopping in his own shower as well. "As for the later... I have two solid main suspects, but I shall slice into Kamino's security system to confirm it".

Crosshair asks him to elaborate and then just listens. Tech jumps into a long argument based on his proofs, knowledge and deductions; and when he finishes, there's a weird smile perched on his face. Crosshair doesn't think he's ever seen that expresion on him; wasn't even aware his face could do that.

"The fuck are you smiling for?" the gray-haired clone snaps.

Tech ignores his sharp tone and suggests "we could always prank them back".

Cross is shocked into silence, not expecting this need for childish revenge to come from his mature, level-headed brother; but he can see a dangerous glint in Tech's eyes through his yellow googles, and the idea sparks excitement in the snipers heart.

"I think it's time for you to show off your brain game, Tech" Crosshair smirks. "This Echo and Fives won't even know what hit them".

Tech dries his body with a towel and quickly slip into his nightglove.

"I'll have a plan by tomorrow".

Crosshair rests in his bunk that night with a satisfied smile on his face. "Fuck those regs" he thinks, right before falling asleep.

Tech hacks into the 501st barraks and unlocks the door for Crosshair; and the sniper uses his quiet stealth to move through the bunks and cuddle piles without being discovered –and in a room full of soldiers, that's saying something–. He carefully places the small stickers on each of the regs' foreheads with a similar haircut to Fives and Echo; replicating the first's only distintive tattoo on everyone else.

When the troopers wake up the next day and start to interact with each other, inmediately mistaking others for Fives a million times –a confused, lost expresion on their faces– Tech and Crosshair are laughing their asses off watching the scene from the safety of their barraks.

"Oh, that was great".

In the screen of their datapad, the real Fives bursts into laughter. The trooper turns to the other Domino; and grins happily.

"Seems like we've got competition this year, vod'ika. We've got work to do".

As always happens with this kind of things, the pranks escalate. In the few days prior to Life Day, the two set of twins find dozens of ways to mess with each other; from hair dye –Fives thinks Crosshair looks fabulous in pink– , to stealing armour –Echo almost suffers a heart attack at that–, and fashionably decorating each others barraks. A bet starts going around; of which pair would pull the last prank before kaminoans force them to stop the circus.

On Life Day, the bad batch twins arrive to the mess hall covered in multicolor glitter –a half irritated, half resigned expresion on their face–; and the Dominos are estatic to see them. Echo is the one who planned this, and Fives executioned it perfectly. Glitter is one of the most annoying things to try to get rid off; and it quickly spreads everywhere.

"Looks like we've got two new shinies joining us for breakfeast today!" Fives shouts, grinning wildly, further teasing them.

Echo has a smug smile on his face as well. Troopers around them snort and laugh in amusement.

"I'm going to kill him" Crosshair hisses, and to be honest, not even Tech feels the need to stop him.

Crosshair tackles Fives to the floor; the reg making a surprised sound before laughing and blocking his puch, twisting the two of them around. Tech inmediately jumps to help his twin, trying to inmovilize the clone from his back; though Echo is quick to intercept him and join the fight.

A small circle forms inmediately around them; new bets being made while everyone cheer for their favorites. They aim for the other twins to get inmovilized and forced to surrender more than to make each other bleed. This is nothing but common clone traditions; playfull fighting.

It's only when the trainers separate them that they're able to properly see the state the four troopers are in; covered in glitter from head to toes, panting slightly. Upon identifying the Dominos, the trainers roll their eyes, walking away; all but one of them, who shoot the four clones a disaproving, annoyed glance.

"Get rid of this new fashion choice" he snaps, glancing at the glitter on Crosshair's hair. "And make sure this is all cleaned up for when I come back. You're all on cleaning duty for a month".

The silver haired clone shoots him an irritated side eye; but they all take the punishment in stride.

When the trainer leaves, Fives turns towards the Batch twins.

"Good prank war, vods" he offers with a satisfied smile.

Crosshair looks them up and down.

"Not to bad for some regs" he condeeds.

Fives draps an arm over Echo's shoulders. They're both sporting matching grins.

"We're the best of 'em. We'll be ARC's in no time".

For the present being, they would enjoy Life Day.

THE END.

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lithuanianking · 2 days ago

Note

Do you have any outsiders headcanons-

@hatter-holding-tea don't know why you keep pretending i don't know it's you

I may make a little mini fiction about this cause I got the bug if there's a demand

I vaguely based this off of randomly generated headcanons because it takes me 30 years to formulate an opinion on characters I like after I indulge in my little obsessions. But dw i expanded in them alot so hopefully it won't be too Cliche

Two-bit is a very skilled artist. He's no van gogh and he can only really copy things and not create original works,it's because he drew characters from comics, mainly Archie,for his sister.

He doesn't tell anyone about it since there's really no need to and it doesn't go well with being a greaser. He can dish it out but he can't take it. But when he starts dating Marcia he starts opening up and eventually draws her.

Dallas steals a lot of his clothes,no surprise,but what is surprising is it's from his friends. More accurately those who's he's been in the house of and really less of his friends and more of their dads since he's way bigger than the rest of his friends . A pair of Darrel Sr ‘s shoes from the Curtis house,a jacket from Steve's dad,A belt from Johnny's and so on. It usually gets the last two in hot water and it was funny to the first,until Mr. And Mrs. Curtis passed away.

Steve used to have a dog. Some mutt leftover in a “free puppy box” left on some random street corner. It reminded him of Johnny in a way,and when he whined at him he couldn't leave in behind. He loved that dog and it loved him. Until one day while he was at work the dog chewed on Steve's Dada shoes. When he got back the dog was dead.

Darry is oblivious to any and all romantic interests someone may show them. There's been tons of girls (and even guys) who've come on to him. He was more aware of it when he wasn't working but now he's too busy to notice.

Sodapop sings at the top of his lungs in the shower. It's random songs and he's not particularly good at it. It's annoying every time but especially when he gets home real late.darry just turns off the lights in the bathroom whenever he'd Start so he'd think the power went out and it used to work.until after 5 times soda wised up.

Ponyboy can't sleep in complete darkness. He's always gotta have either the door open a crack or the curtains open. Luckily soda can sleep through anything and the house never seems to get too dark.

Johnny loves books and just stories in general. He enjoyed it when they read Romeo and Juliet in class and all that stuff. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to him, he's dyslexic and that's why he can't read too well on his own.

#the Johnny ones pretty close to cannon but i didn't know what else to say for him #the outsiders #the outsiders musical #the outsiders movie #steve randle #the outsiders steve #the outsiders sodapop #sodapop curtis #the outsiders darry #the outsiders dally #the outsiders johnny #the outsiders two bit #the outsiders ponyboy #ponyboy curtis #two bit mathews #dallas winston #johnny cade #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders hcs

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haoetoile · 3 days ago

Text

still into you - xu minghao

word count: 839

genre: fluff, VERY fluff

pairing: minghao x gn!reader (with mingyu cameos)

a/n: it's the first post of this account! back in 2021, i had one account to write exclusively about monsta x, but i ended up quitting and came back now. nothing better to start if not with the men that named this account!

contains: basically, it’s an strangers to lovers!au fluff inspired by paramore’s song (i was raised as an emo kid, so as i just had to do this) ‘still into you’ in which you recap all the things you’ve been through with your boyfriend hao! reader is described as very shy

you couldn't count on one hand you many years the two of you had been together, not necessarily in a romantic way. it all started when your mutual friend, mingyu, introduced the two of you at a party, hoping that you, who was always so shy, would be able to make friends other than him

the two of you had a small talk that day, and it was surprisingly pleasant to both, he was very friendly and polite, and also had very interesting topics to talk about. mingyu was very happy to see that the shy y/n he knew was being able to talk to someone else other than him without being able to stutter or look down (also, he saw much potential in both you as a couple, so he wanted to make it work too, but that's a secret for both of you)

weeks later, your art history teacher requested a report on a museum visit, and knowing that, mingyu asked minghao to come with him, knowing you'd probably choose this same museum, and once he saw you getting near the piece they were looking at, he suddenly needed to use the bathroom (actually, that was just a pretext to have you two alone)

you were looking at van gogh's 'starry night', and suddenly, you bumped into someone

"oh god, i'm sorry... i'm so, so sorry" you yelped, finally looking at the person you bumped into

"it's okay, don't worry" he gave you a warm smile, before studying your features for a bit "hey, you're mingyu's friend, right? y/n, is it?"

"a-ah, so you remember me...." you felt quite a warmth in your chest at his words "yes, i am. minghao, right? nice to see you again"

that way, both of you made quite a small talk on how you had being, before turning to the painting again. he loved art, and being able to look at one so valuable near him made it all better

"it's so pretty, right?" i really like the starry night, for me, it has such a deep sense of loneliness" he pondered, studying the painting before continuing "i think it's fascinating how despite his inner turmoils van gogh was able to create such a masterpiece"

"whoa, your analysis is actually very good" you were impressed, before starting to give away yours

that way, you two ended up talking about art for a long time, long enough for him to forget mingyu was even there, and he decided to take you for a coffee, which ended up becoming a regular encounter between the two of you

and after months of going to cafés, art galleries and libraries on dates, you started to feel different. suddenly, he was all you could think about, on a way butterflies would fly all across your stomach, and your face would blush

you waited for 6 months to confess to him, but in the end, it was all needless, as he was the one who confessed first and asked you on a relationship. of course, he took his time with you and your feelings, not wanting to rush anything between the two of you or to get you overwhelmed

the relationship started slow, with dates on the most romantic spots he was able to find. after a year of relationship, he was mostly certain he'd like to have you close to him forever, and that's when he decided you two should meet each other's families. and after 6 years of being together, he decided you two should move in together, certain he'd ask your hand in marriage soon

and during an amusement park day, as soon as you turned your back to him, he ended up making the big proposal, leading to your current situation of being engaged to him

and gosh, you still feel the same butterflies on the stomach you felt when you first fell in love with him. you simply couldn't help but be in love with the most gentle, romantic, kind and loving man you've ever seen, the man who'd have late night tea parties with you, take you out on the most creative dates, who'd hold you to sleep every single day, and who'd move the world if you asked him to

all that mattered to you was the fact you had each other to rely on and love unconditionally, you were each other's home and both of you were grateful for that, even someone watching from afar could say you were head over heels to each other. he was like the summer love you'd see at movies, the intense, beautiful loves, except the fact he was not a seasonal lover, but the man you'd love forever and no one would ever change that

i mean, minghao's your entire world, the men you want to start a family with, your safe place, your everything. god, you couldn't help but be excited to the big day of marriage come soon, and you also couldn't help but still be into him after all that

#haoetoile #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #sevventeen fluff #minghao fluff #minghao imagines #minghao scenarios #minghao x reader

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cottoncandyafterdark · 1 day ago

Text

Stanley Snyder SFW Alphabet

Fandom: Dr Stone

Character(s): Stanley Snyder

Warnings: None

Notes: This one was requested by C_L_E_O on ao3! Next up is gonna be Xeno, just some form of Xeno lol. Enjoy!

ao3 | Ko-Fi

A: Affection (How affectionate are they with a s/o?)

More than you might think. He doesn't get super sappy about it, and isn't too into PDA, but he can be pretty affectionate in private, and even in public it's not strange for him to put an arm around you or give you a quick hug sometimes.

B: Breath (What can their s/o do to take their breath away)

You could dress up real nice and take his breath away with how gorgeous you are, that's the easy route. If you want to really impress him, show off some skills he's invested in. He'll try to appreciate any hobbies you might have, but cares the most about strength and combat related skills. If you have any interest or prowess in those, you'll be able to really grab his attention.

C: Cuddle (Do they cuddle? If they do, how and when do they cuddle?)

When he really loves someone, he can be pretty casual with touch, so you'll be cuddling with him, probably more than you expected. It's not exactly planned, he doesn't make a big deal of it, he just pulls you closer when you sit next to him and wraps his arms around you pretty much whenever you're close by.

D: Dream (What do they dream of doing with their s/o?)

He wants to eventually settle down. Not retire, not completely, not yet, but when things have calmed down a little, he'd love to live a bit more quiet a life with you; a nice house, maybe a couple kids, a dog. That kind of thing.

E: Effort (How much effort do they put into a relationship?)

He does things pretty effortlessly, honestly. He has a decent amount of experience with relationships, and more or less knows what goes into making one work, especially once he's gotten to know you and what you want specifically.

F: Fear (What do they do if their s/o is scared? How do they handle it?)

Stan is a protector, and his first priority is always going to be keeping you safe. He has more experience with fighting physical threats than dealing with anxiety or irrational fears, but no matter what's scaring you, he'll do his best to neutralize the threat.

G: Gifts (What type of gifts do they give their s/o? Do they want a gift in return?)

I don't think he really knows how to give a good gift, he's not particularly interested in gifts as a display of affection. He'll get you something on your birthday and Christmas, but he'll likely need to be advised on what to get and doesn't really expect anything in return.

H: Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?)

Yes, pretty often. Only when you're in private, though, he's not one for PDA.

I: Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have problems with intimacy?)

It depends a little on your definition of "romantic". If you want physical intimacy, no problem! He can be very physical with someone he loves. But if you're more into spoken affirmations or candlelit dinners, you might be out of luck.

J: Jealous (Do they get jealous? How do they act when jealous?)

Surprisingly, given his protective attitude, not really. He might feel jealous on occasion, that's only natural, but he doesn't really... Do anything about it? He'll step in if someone is making you uncomfortable with their flirting, but generally, he trusts you to make good decisions. He's not up for a completely open relationship, but he might even be okay with introducing a third to your relationship of it was someone you both knew, liked, and trusted (like, say, Xeno-)

K: Kiss (Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss you?)

He's a great kisser with plenty of experience, and you'll get to experience that a lot.

L: Love (When do they say they love you? How often do they say it? Do they prefer to say it or show it?)

He doesn't outright say it very much, he prefers to show it through his actions. He does say it sometimes, though, when the time is right. He says it once in a while when you're making love, he'll say it when he proposes, and he'll say it at your wedding, don't expect to hear those words much otherwise. You'll feel them through his actions and devotion instead.

M: Marriage (Do they want to get married? If so, what kind of ceremony?)

Stan always pictured himself getting married back home in a small ceremony with just family and close friends in his mom's backyard. He's probably going to wait until that becomes possible again to propose- if that can happen in a reasonable amount of time, anyways, if a few years pass and it's not looking like "home" will be rebuilt any time soon he'll bite the bullet and pop the question anyways.

N: Night out (What type of dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?)

He doesn't like to go out much, per se, he's more into home dates and such. You can definitely convince him to go out every once in a while, but don't expect a lot of PDA or anything, it's likely just going to be the two of you doing a normal fun activity together.

O: Out of the Ordinary (What’s something they don’t normally do for/with their s/o?)

He's not one for PDA, and traditional "romantic dates" in public places aren't his style either. He prefers to keep things mostly private and low-key.

P: Playful (Are they playful in a relationship? If so, how do they play around/mess with their s/o?)

He doesn't joke or play around much, but he can be a bit teasing, sometimes. He mostly jokes by poking fun, and sometimes a darker sense of humor slips through. He... Usually avoids taking it too far, though.

Q: Questions (Do they ask their s/o their opinion on things? Do they share theirs?)

He's used to being in command at this point, but he tries. He doesn't want to just unilaterally make decisions when it comes to his personal relationships. You might sometimes need to remind him you also need to weigh in on the matter at hand, though, because he may not always remember to ask.

R: Random (How spontaneous is their relationship? Do they do things on the spot or plan ahead?)

It's a pretty solid mix of spontaneity and plans with him- he doesn't really have a strong preference for one or the other, he appreciates both ways of doing things.

S: Sleep (How do they sleep with their s/o?)

He sleeps on his back and likes to hold you on top of him so you're laying on his chest, like a pillow. He makes a pretty good pillow.

T: Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?)

If he didn't trust you, he wouldn't go out with you, especially not with the world as it is, so by necessity the answer is "a lot".

U: Unique (What makes them unique as a s/o?)

To put it bluntly, strength, skill, and renown. He can fly a plane, he can shoot a gun, he can lead an army. He was one of the astronauts that went to the moon. Now, how often are you going to need or see those combat skills, especially post-canon? Hopefully not much, and he's not exactly going to be going around with his medal bragging about his achievements, but it's all still felt and seen.

V: Vulnerable (How long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?)

Yeah, he's not exactly the "vulnerable" type. Don't get me wrong, he has a soft side, especially for his romantic partners, but you're not going to see a lot of weakness from him unless things are fucking dire.

W: Wild Card (Random domestic headcanon)

He's a terrible cook. Look, the guy's never had to worry about his own meals in his life, he went straight from his parents to the military and he definitely wasn't doing the cooking post-petrification. Put him in a kitchen and he'll have no clue what he's doing.

X: X-Ray (What would they do if their s/o got injured?)

Hopefully the injury was an accident because if someone else hurt you he's going scorched earth on their ass. Besides that, though, he'd take you to the nearest medic and do what he can to help until you're healthy. He might be able to do some basic first aid himself, but he's not the most experienced in medical things.

Y: Yuck (Do they have any pet peeves about their s/o? Are there any habits that might bother their s/o?)

He smokes. He can try making accommodations, he'll avoid smoking indoors or around you, but you're not going to get him to quit.

Z: Zeal (Are they passionate as a s/o? Do they want or like passion?)

Oh, is he ever. In his own way. He can come across as a cold, distant person, but his devotion to someone he truly cares for is unmatched. He'd do just about anything for you. And he might not like PDA, but when you're in private and he's comfortable showing affection, he'll be all over you.

#dcst #dr stone #dr stone x reader #dr stone headcanons #stanley snyder #stanley snyder x reader

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princess-charlie-of-hell · 2 days ago

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(Warning this post is going to be very anti Radioapple so don't read this if you like this pairing)

Are people seriously believing that Stolitz is a parallel to R*dioapple?!

Like I obviously can see the similarities from Lucifer and Stolas, both depressed fathers who are trying to connect with their daughters because they both are in complicated situations

But I don't really see how Alastor fits as Blitz as both of them are just different characters types in my eyes especially if their relationship with Lucifer and Stolas couldn't be more different

Stolas and Blitz know each other since their childhood and Blitz was Stolas first friend

Then they met later after Stolas is an arranged marriage with Stella then they later start their situation ship for the grimoure and I am not going to summarize their whole relationship because most probably know about it anyway

Then there is Lucifer and Alastor, both meet because of Charlie, from the start they hate each other and Alastor starts to act like Charlie's father just to annoy Lucifer then, I don't think anything more really happened between them except them fighting

Then there are also people who compare Lucilith with Stella and Stolas which honestly doesn't suprise me anymore because people seem to want an abusive Lilith so much so that Alastor can be Lucifer knight in charming armor so bad

But from what we know right now about the relationship between Lucifer and Lilith, it seems more to be the opposite of Stella's and Stolas

Stella and Stolas marriage was arranged from the start, there never was romantically interest in both Parties and they did it because they didn't had a choice really,Whereas Lucilith fell in love with each other because like in story at the beginning told us they both were dreamers, if anything you can see a slightly Resembles between Lucilith and Stolitz because in both situations a higher being fell in love with someone in lower position and their love caused trouble for them and just like Stolas, Lilith was in an forced marriage with Adam.

Lilith and Stella also can't really be compared to each other. Lilith, despite leaving for 7 years, seems to had before that a good relationship with Charlie that she despite seeing her mother not for years that she calls her when she needs emotional support like seen in the pilot. Despite not seeing much of the relationship between Stella and Octavia it seems like Stella was more a neglecting and maybe even emotional abusive parent like we seen in Sinsmas where we see drawings which Oktavia made as a child with only her and Stolas, Octavia also didn't really seemed to suprise how Stella acted while Stolas tried to call

Where Stolas hates deservingly Stella with a passion, we don't see that Lucifer has the same negative feelings towards Lilith and in the playbill it was said that he even misses his wife. It can of course be a possibility to miss an abusive partner but nothing we know yet about Lilith makes it seems like she was abusive towards Lucifer

I already said in an other post how the family pictures are differently from each other, the Morningstar family seems to be happy and comfortable with each other where in the goetia family Stolas and Octavia seemed happy because of each other, Stella looks like she thinks about murdering Stolas

So right now there is nothing which shows that Lilith and Stella have a similar personality and the only thing the both seem to have in common in my eyes is that both of them are hot (Sorry)

If it actually turns out that Lilith is like Stella then i still can't see Alastor being like Blitz in this situation if anything he would resemble more Andreaphlus. Both of them tried to manipulate The respective daughters for their advantage, Andreaphlus to get make Stolas feel terrible and Alastor for his own agenda

So right now I can't see how people say that the Stolitz and R*dioapple are similar if the dynamics and history between them is completely different

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crimmsonflower · 2 days ago

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This is such a good analysis and reading of the mcd characters!

im a mcd garroth fan for life. he’s my little guy because I have a thing for characters who give their entire soul to their loved ones (totally not projecting). But I haven’t watched mcd in a while though so noticing details that really solidify characters personalities and ideals is great to see as a reference

I really agree with your analysis of garroth. With how I view canon and a bit of headcanons. Garroth’s role as a protector and provider is so important to him and is the foundation of his character. I’ve always thought of garroth to be a romantic, someone who holds hope for an idealized view of love, so his possessiveness of aph is built off that fairytale love (that doesn’t make the weird shit better but yeah). The idea of soulmates, on true love, someone loving you will be what rescues you. I read a post here that said garroth viewed marriage/love as his escape and then marriage being weaponised has him run away, and that completely altered my brain chemistry+my perception of garroth (I’ll link it if I find it again)

these are interesting and well noted inferences. Understanding garroth as a lawful good character and someone who abused by his law code was like wow! Like oh that makes so much sense with his character and I subconsciously knew that but it never fully surfaced. Laurdad and the parallels between him and Malachi is something I never caught onto actually. You really surfaced ideas that were there in my mind but were just below the waves.

I’m really surprised that you managed to find a reasoning for garroth’s betrayal that did not make me want to hurl. I’ve always seen it as bad writing, still kind of think it cause I doubt it was written to fit, but you’ve managed to explain it in a way that fits him so well. This was such a fun read and really makes me want to rewatch mcd so I can take my own notes on everything. I can’t wait to see another one, continuing on with garroth or focusing more on other characters! The Aphmau and Aaron analysis were interesting because I don’t think about them that deeply

It’s time for part 2 of my in-depth character analysis of Garmau, Laurmau, and Garrance relationship dynamics and development!! Part one is here, and this is a very very long post, just like last time. I am going to go until I hit the image limit of a single tumblr post. With no time to waste, let’s jump straight back into it!

Something that occurred to me after I posted the first part was an idea about Garroth’s decision to create the rule of “any guard that turns into a shadow knight is forced by honor to take his own life the moment he returns from the Nether,” and it’s that I think he did that not out of a lapse of brief, cold heartlessness for Laurance, but out of love. Love for Aphmau, obviously, mainly, but I don’t think Garroth himself thought of something like that as…harsh. I think he genuinely held this shared understanding with Laurance, this assumption of their mutual bond as knights, that he believed he knew Laurance is perfectly well aware of the way this shit goes, this job they’ve pledged their lives to. Laurance’s life is to protect his Lord above all else, Garroth’s life is to protect Aphmau’s at any cost. So of course, if you as a knight have become something so monstrous and bloodthirsty that you are an imminent danger to your own Lord’s life… you either resign, or die. And if someone else was trying to murder their Lord, I imagine the natural thing to do would be to kill that person, so if you eliminate the threat… you save your Lord’s life. Laurance did something incredibly noble by sacrificing himself for Aphmau. That was, effectively, his life’s entire purpose. There’s a sense of being… disposable, as a guard. One that Zenix himself even pointed out and criticized, I believe.

Guards are made to be expendable. It’s the nature of the business. Laurance’s purpose was to give his life to Aphmau. Laurance’s purpose in life was to be expendable. Garroth isn’t purposefully trying to abandon him while he’s being tortured and horrifically broken down to pieces, Garroth highly values the role of a guard and therefore highly values Laurance’s sacrifice, because it is the epitome of the most important thing any guard can ever do in their life. So of course he’s going to make sure Laurance honors that choice. In that way, it’s something twisted and rotten and wrong that a guard would then come back from the dead, especially as an undead threat designed only to kill the very Lord he’s made to protect. To become a Shadow Knight is to become a total inversion of what it means to be a Guard. If any part of the original Laurance still remained inside his heart after his transformation, it only makes sense that his only option remaining would be to take his own life, to sacrifice himself once again to ensure his Lord is safe, it’s not even a matter of how “dark” or “horrific” this may be—it’s just business. And Garroth sees it as that, Garroth sees this as not only incredibly necessary, but as the utmost thing he can do to honor Laurance’s life. He probably thinks Laurance would be relieved to hear about the new rule he’s made, because he trusts he would understand this principle as much as he does. He isn’t casting him out—he’s tenderly taking the last remaining piece of Laurance’s humanity into his hands and sending it back to him like the boat of a funeral pyre. He’s laying him down to rest with a kiss on the head, telling him not to worry anymore. He’s making sure Laurance doesn’t destroy himself in the worst conceivable way possible. He’s trying to save him.

He’s protecting the love of his life, yes, but… he’s protecting Laurance from himself, too. And what relief would it be, to come back in a horrifying bind he struggles to grapple with, struggle to know what to do with or which direction to choose, the old truths or his new instincts as an undead creature—and to realize that he doesn’t need to worry about any of it at all. Because Garroth is there, to build in the safety railing. To create the mattress that cushions his fall. This is the most loving thing Garroth could do for Laurance, in a dilemma like this. To remove the dilemma entirely, and take care of it, take care of his life, take care of their purpose and their Lord, for him. To them, this isn’t something horrific—this is intimate.

Garroth would kill him, if Laurance asked him to. Because Garroth understands what must be done. Because he (believes he) knows what Laurance would want, if he were human again. Where guards like Zenix rebuke their expendability and demand independence and worth of their own, Garroth upholds it as something reverent, something special, something important, something morally good and right and correct that Laurance should adhere to. I wonder how that lesson went, during mentor-and-apprentice training sessions lmao.

…it is still horrifying and fucked up to witness on the outside, though. And Aphmau, who is not a guard, she wasn’t taught any of this. She didn’t have this ingrained in her through years of bootcamp. From her perspective, this is a “WHAT THE FUCK NO!!!! DONT KILL HIM!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM??” moment, because if Laurance has been hurt and is currently in a dire and horrible situation, then naturally the good and kind and right thing to do would be to fucking rescue him. Even if he isn’t human anymore, it doesn’t matter what he is now or how he’s changed, he’s their friend and any good and caring friend would save him. Thats what it means to give a shit about him, to rescue him from his perilous situation and bring him home so they can tend to his wounds and take good care of him. She doesn’t think of him as “his purpose as a soldier,” she thinks of him as a goddamn person who deserves better. There’s a very staunch difference in what Garroth and Aphmau believe to be the definition of highest moral good, what it means to be kind (Lawful vs Neutral moment let’s go), and they clash over this. But in the end, she also knows Garroth as a source of wisdom and rational, responsible knowledge in her life, and he is her bodyguard. He knows best about keeping her safe. She knows, rationally speaking, that there’s a danger to letting an undead monster into her home, it’s like she’s trying to bring a bear into the house just because it’s wounded and she wants to help it, and Garroth is saying to her, “no, don’t fucking do that, it’s our house and that thing will KILL YOU” and she’s conflicted on whether or not she should listen to him. She does for a while, though she consistently keeps trying to bring it up and convince him otherwise. Maybe if they were given enough time before Laurance’s return, she would have reached a point where she said “fuck it” to Garroth’s ideals and gone off on her own to bring Laurance back herself, without Garroth.

That being said, no matter what his beliefs are, its still really fucked up and wrong to try to pressure someone actually kill themself, and Garroth should never be doing that to anyone no matter the reason. Especially if that person is very depressed and in need of help. There are better ways to handle the dangers of effectively having a werewolf/vampire in the house. He should have at least tried to search for alternative means to help Laurance or handle his transformation into a Shadow Knight, and I’m very glad and relieved that continuity-wise, Garroth forgot his own fucking rule once Laurance actually returned. I’m glad we left that as a forgotten part in canon history. It’s fascinating to me how Garroth’s own system of morals justifies this behavior so staunchly in his mind, and it reveals to me more of the inner workings of how he works internally as a Lawful-aligned character, and honestly it’s pretty cool that two of our main characters have such different methods of thinking of morality and the greater good and believing in it wholeheartedly, but oh my god man please never do that again. what a way to reunite with a friend, my god

Anyway, we’ve now reached episode 56, and this is where shit gets real.

So the plan to pretend to be Garroth’s girlfriend didn’t work out so hot. Aphmau keeps having this bad habit of almost getting arrested lmao, this is the second time in S1 where Garroth and Laurance have to step in to save her from getting arrested. It’s also our second ever solid Aphmau/Garroth/Laurance interaction as a trio, to see how they clash and mold and mix with each other once they’re all together as a unit.

I’d like to point out, Garroth is willing to cut his brother to pieces if it means protecting Aphmau. MCD!Garroth doesn’t have anywhere near as much affection for his little brother as he does in Mystreet, in Mystreet he’s much more doting and loving, while in MCD he seems to regard Zane with this disgust, fear, and disdain. He says he’s uncomfortable being in the same village as him, says Zane has always displayed “disgusting” personality traits since long before his father’s corruption, and generally regards him with disgust, contempt, anxiety, discomfort, and terror. Not to say that that’s the only thing MCD!Garroth feels about Zane, but it’s definitely there at the forefront. So I suppose it’s not terribly surprising that if Zane merely talked shit about Aphmau, let alone threatened her very life, he would be a hair away from murdering him in favor of defending his Lord lol. But still, I find it interesting. His family has most certainly moved elsewhere. Zane isn’t his family, not as much as Aphmau and Levin (COUGH and Zoey COUGH) are.

And then Laurance pulls this.

This is so impactful of a shock to Garroth that we even get a dramatic angle shot of him, with all the limited “film equipment” they had at the time. You just know Jess had to break a block right in front of the NPC and get into this one-block-hole so she could get the right angle looking up at him lmao, and then probably had to fill that hole and move back to her spot to continue filming. Maybe she even went into creative mode for it. Teasing lmao

Anyway, I do think this was a smart move on Laurance’s part. He recognizes The High Priest of O’khasis through the commands and speech of the guard and Zane himself, probably realizes “oh shit, HE’S here? Oh fuck, this is really bad,” and keep in mind he has NO CONTEXT for what’s going on!! No one has told him a damn thing about Zane being here, or the fake relationship between Garroth and Aphmau, he has no idea what they’re all talking about, he just knows that O’khasis means really bad news and if he doesn’t act fast, Aphmau will be in some serious trouble, and he may never see her again. And unless he and Garroth had some sort of intimate off-screen conversation before this, this would also be how Laurance finds out in the moment that Garroth is the brother to Prince and High Priest of O’khasis, Zane Ro’meave—and therefore, Garroth is a Prince. Instead of reeling over these realizations and losing his shit, his clever mind comes up with a plan on the spot and starts twisting the fuck out of Zane’s arm to make him leave.

He listens to what Zane is saying, and Zane says that Aphmau was implying that Garroth might have a woman in his life, and Zane assumed that she was talking about herself, but doesn’t have any proof more than speculation, and is using said speculation as grounds for an arrest. Laurance hears this, understands that they don’t actually know if Aphmau is dating anyone, so Laurance calculates taking advantage of that confusion and swoops in with a claim that completely destroys Zane’s entire argument. Aphmau can’t be guilty of espionage, if she’s actually dating Laurance instead, so he pounces.

I don’t think he did this to get some sort of cheap win of “ooooh look at me I got the girl, lemme rub it in Garroth’s face while we’re here, ooh look I’m forcing her to be my fiance all of a sudden without even asking for her consent,” he actually feels really bad for suddenly jumping this on them and likely wishes he could have at least discussed it with them beforehand, but again, no one explained a damn thing to him, and they wouldn’t have expected this to happen anyway. There was no possible preparation for this beforehand, and frankly, he needed the others to believe him too, in order to convince Zane he was telling the truth.

He doubles down hard, acting with complete confidence and cold, determined certainty.

Clever and sly as a fox, he starts blackmailing Zane immediately. Picking apart his arguments to peel back the veneer that Zane’s crafted for himself and reveal the sheer extent of his lies and his own acts of treason underneath, and he uses that to scare Zane into shutting the fuck up. Laurance sees Zane for who he truly is, in the same way Zane sees Laurance for the Shadow Knight he really is. He’s not afraid to call him out on it, saying “hey, you think you have grounds to arrest her? You should remember I have grounds to tear your life apart, you son of a bitch.” And when Zane threatens to destroy Laurance’s life in turn, he says that’s fine, because if it means protecting Aphmau, he has nothing left to lose. He is a Shadow Knight, after all, he’s pretty much lost everything he could’ve held onto before. He lives under a ticking timebomb. There’s nothing Zane can take away from him that he won’t inevitably lose, once his time is up. If Zane wants to destroy him, he’ll fuckin take him down with him.

I love Zane calling him, “you of all people.” They don’t have any history together, he doesn’t know who Laurance is. So I think when he says “you of all people,” he’s referring to Laurance’s identity as a Shadow Knight. Zane may have dirtied his hands with his own demonic magical dealings, but he’s still a High Priest. This is a holy man, and the highest holy man of Ru’auns biggest empire. It’d make sense that he’d look down on Laurance as a Shadow Knight, seeing him as a form of lesser vermin under his superior shoe. Laurance is a demonic creature, and Zane is a holy priest. There’s a hierarchy, a superiority, there between them. I love this moment as Laurance revealing his hand as a demonic creature, meeting this holy man and seeing him for the sinful, filthy beast he really is, and reflecting it back for all to see. He knows what Zane is, he knows all about people like him. “I know a fellow sinner when I see it,” he says to him, “You can’t escape me that easily. You think you’re better than me? I’ll show the world exactly how holy you really are.” It’s the first thing Laurance does as a Shadow Knight, imo. The priest meets his match against the demon who can smell his sins a mile away.

Anyway. Laurance lied when he said he was Aphmau’s fiance, but he was telling the truth when he called her the love of his life, the only light in the dark, the one person he would sacrifice his entire life and well-being for time and time again. In a way, he’s offering up his own neck for the chopping block a second time here. He may be horrifically traumatized by what came of it afterwards, but one thing he’ll never regret is giving up his life for Aphmau, and here he’s insisting he can and WILL do it again and again if it meant keeping her safe. He just got back, and he’s already shoving her out of the way of the bullet and taking the glare of Zane’s rage for himself, putting himself under the blade and offering himself up for the feasting. “Here, you want a bite?” He challenges, “Take one from me. I have nothing left to lose. There’s nothing left for me. I’m expendable, remember? I’m the disposable one. If you want someone to destroy, choose me.”

Boy needs therapy.

He really does love her, though. It seems there was some level of genuine affection that he developed for her in the time where they were barely more than strangers, trying to flirt with some strange maiden he found and getting vehemently rejected at every turn. I don’t know why he would, but it seems it was enough to let his love for her multiply tenfold since his sacrifice.

In his confession earlier, he says he clung to the thought of her as his only solace keeping him sane through his transformation. In doing so, he formed this feeling of dependence upon her that forged as strong as a dog’s love for their master. She has become his definition of comfort.

Zane does a really mean thing by asking Garroth, of all people, if they have his “permission” to get married. (…not that they would ever in a million years need his permission to get married… considering he’s not their dad or a family member or anything, he’s just their friend,,, his opinion would mean nothing and changes nothing… but Zane’s specifically trying to be a jerk here, so)

And Garroth says yes. It takes him a long time to force it out of his lips, though. And I’m wondering if maybe this is purely a moment of circumstance, where he can recognize that Laurance is specifically saving Aphmau’s life in this situation, and if he says no, he fucks everything up. The reason why I feel like he’s forcing himself to say yes due to the circumstance, and not being 100% genuine here, is because in later instances, Garroth does NNNOOOOT take kindly to Aphmau hooking up with other people. Like with his betrayal in the S1 finale, he takes Aphmau kissing Laurance soooo incredibly personally and very very badly. And again later on, when Aphmau tells him she’s pregnant with Aaron’s child, he doesn’t take THAT well EITHER. Garroth, to me, feels like someone who believes Aphmau should be his and his alone, and when someone else interferes with that, holy fucking hell does he have a PROBLEM with it. He doesn’t exactly strike me as the kind of guy who likes to share, I suppose. He’s always been a much more territorial soul than say, Laurance, and especially more so than Aaron. So to me, I see this and I think he is using every single nerve and bone in his body to restrain himself from losing his cool. He is doing everything in his power not to scream or cry or start shouting right now lmao.

He recognizes Laurance is currently trying to save Aphmau’s life, which, again from before, is something that means a lot to Garroth and something he really really admires in Laurance. (it’s kind of the only thing he admires about laurance, actually… at this point in S1, at least.) So there’s this conflict between bringing out and exemplifying the thing he admires most in Laurance and knows he’s very trustworthy and honorable with, but also like. that’s the girl he likes, so he’s upset she’s.. dating someone else or whatever. To be honest, he probably does suspect that Laurance is lying. Because when Laurance dropped the act and admits he’s lying and apologizes, Garroth doesn’t show ANY surprise over it. He says it’s okay, he knows he was just trying to save her life.

He knows they’re not actually getting married. He’s just that upset to even witness or hear anything suggesting the hypothetical that they would. It really does distress him quite a bit. (which will become a problem later……)

This is the beginning of their rivalry/competition over Aphmau, though.

And with the beginning of the actual competition, I’d like to set a disclaimer: I’m a very polyamorous/open person. I do not take the “ship war” bullshit seriously lmao. If you asked me which “side” I’m on, I would say I’m on Aphmau’s side, honestly. The girl is her own individual human being and a person who deserves to have a right to her own autonomy and personal choice, and it is both hilarious and deeply concerning to me that Garroth and Laurance think they have any control or say over who Aphmau chooses to kiss and sleep with. Especially since she’s still single and not actually dating either of them, so she has NO REASON to be “committed” to either of them. Garroth and Laurance are like investors crying over a bidding war for a plot of land, and I do not take their “””heartbreak””” seriously. It is quite literally the definition of a manchild crying over spilled milk to me. Aphmau is her own person whose free will deserves to be respected, not a piece of territory that they can claim ownership of or dictate the decisions of. Garroth and Laurance have literally zero right to get angry or upset with her for romantically choosing someone else, and to do so is not only very dehumanizing/objectifying towards Aphmau, but also just…generally extremely emotionally immature. The correct reaction they both should have had is to congratulate her, say they’re happy for her and her happiness, wish her well, and then just…continue going about their day. And if they did cry about it later, they cry about it very far away from Aphmau and her happy new life and continue to treat her respectfully, appropriately, and professionally the next time they see her. Buuut I also understand that respectful and emotionally mature behavior doesn’t always breed the best drama for a plot, and we are dealing with the Aphverse and its number one favorite kind of drama to write, so it is what it is.

So know that when I assess the ship war as, unfortunately, a pivotal core of the majority of Garmau and Laurmau interactions across the Aphverse, know that im coming from an impartial place who does not favor any side any way. When Aaron gets introduced, this will also apply to him, and I’ll be analyzing his character and Aarmau’s relationship with equal levels of care and respect and fairness (especially since I honestly kinda like Aaron as a character… he’s a really chill and cool guy, once you look past any “cringe factor” of him being a mega buff self-insert character whose the Ultimate Alpha Werewolf and Super Sexy lolol, or any lapse in the writers own personal judgment in regards to whether or not it’s appropriate for a freshman to date a senior ((it’s really really not)). But I’m not here for the writers own lapses and judgments, im here for the character. And I like Aaron Lycan the character, so I wanna give him a fair chance) I like all of them, and I love this series, so I’m not gonna like…favor any side in particular, and if anything, I’m against the competition itself as a whole and im not gonna be afraid to call Garroth and Laurance out on the moments where they’re being total assholes about it. Aphmau deserved better lmao. I’m glad that in Mystreet she got married to the only character in the entire cast who doesn’t actually give a shit about any of this lol, she deserves better than to worry about territorialism bullshit

I do like that their rivalry isn’t really a hostile one, though. Garroth and Laurance don’t make enemies out of each other despite the situation, they actually find a really close bond in each other through it all. They’re not perfect, but they’re kind to each other, and I like that approach. It’s different from a lot of other “love competition” plots I’ve seen, where the men are locked in an embarrassing, perpetual toxic-masculinity-ragefest pissing-on-each-other contest lolol. It cuts in half the potentially debilitating level of second-hand embarrassment I’d get just by watching them, and personally I feel like it’d make more sense for two knights to be chivalrous with one another and honor one another than anything else. So if this is the first note we’re introducing their rivalry on, it’s a wonderful one, and I love this scene as a whole. They can be very adorable sometimes.

Laurance immediately apologizes once Zane leaves them be, like a sweetheart he feels horrible for doing something like that to them so suddenly <3

I love Garroth treating him civilly, he recognizes the situation for what it is, and though I imagine he got quite the upsetting scare that he’s still feeling shaken up by, it’s overpowered by Garroth’s own immense admiration for Laurance’s actions as an honorable knight. He knows he can trust him with Aphmau’s life, he knows that Laurance will take good care of his loved ones and do anything he can to make sure that they’re okay. That’s a big deal, especially since Laurance’s loyalties as a guard would technically belong to Meteli, as its Head Guard. But Laurance’s care and good heart doesn’t apply only to the people under Meteli’s jurisdiction—the people he’s required to guard as part of his job. Phoenix Drop isn’t his business, he would have reason to leave and go back home and not give a shit about Aphmau and her troubles, but he doesn’t. His principles and his heart apply to anyone in need, no matter who they are or where they’re from or who they serve. That’s a true honorable man/knight, someone who does it not just for a job, but because it’s in his nature to tend to everyone in need, no matter what. He’ll always look after you, whether you’re a child of O’khasis or the Lord of Meteli, his heart knows no boundaries. And Garroth sees this in him, sees this on full display that night when he stepped in to save Aphmau—and it’s incredibly important to recognize who he’s standing up to. He’s not only willing to go to blows with a Goddamn Prince Of Motherfucking O’khasis, seeing him for his corruption and not being afraid to defend underdogs in need, even standing up to other fellow guards who chose their greed and pride over doing good by serving Zane (contrasting Laurance’s choices), but he’s willing to confront Zane Ro’meave, Garroth’s brother. He is, unintentionally, in a way, defending Garroth as well, from his abusive family members. Zane is hellbent on hurting Garroth by taking Aphmau away (thus ensuring Garroth would come with him and return to O’khasis), and Laurance stops that shit from happening.

It’s unspoken, but in this scene, he’s protecting Garroth as much as he’s protecting Aphmau. He just saved both of their asses. And I feel like that would mean a lot to Garroth, to see Laurance stand up to his terrifying, overpowered family in order to protect Garroth and his loved ones, putting his own neck on the line despite the massive risk, despite how much power and money he could gain if he followed in the other, corrupt guards’ footsteps and chose to defend Zane instead. It must feel incredibly cathartic and even emotional for Garroth, to see someone defend him from his family with all the strength and bravery and balls he doesn’t have to stand up to Zane himself—and also have the incredible wits enough to make it work!!! This is an incredible and miraculous feat Laurance has just pulled off here!!! He outsmarted Zane Ro’meave!!! Made the High Priest of O’khasis run for the hills with his tail between his legs!! Laurance would, without question, stand up to your bullies and defend the underdog no matter what, and he would WIN <3

Ironically enough, if there’s any moment where Garroth would decide that Laurance is a keeper, I think this scene would make a pretty damn good contender.

Which I think is why Garroth doesn’t get angry with him for this. He’s not happy at all that Laurance would claim to be Aphmau’s fiancé, even if he knew for certain that he was blowing smoke, but everything else about this scenario overpowers that anger/upset, so he chooses to be civil and gracious instead. He‘s feeling the brunt of a bruised heart and ego, yes, but he also came out of this with the knowledge that he could most certainly trust Laurance with both his and Aphmau’s lives.

Which would probably throw some conflicted feelings into the mix of the whole “Laurance is a shadow knight designed to murder the mother of my son” thing lmao.

Also I love to picture Garroth looking like he’s on the edge of tears here, and Laurance internally thinking to himself throughout the entire confrontation “shit fuck damn it Garroth im so sorry im so sorry DONT BELIEVE ME YOU DUMBASS IM SO SORRY MAN AAAUUUUGH” and then apologizing to him so earnestly once Zane left, trying to console him because he knows what a dick move doing that to his crush in front of him would be and he feels SO BAD. And meanwhile Garroth sniffles and says “it’s okay, really, it’s fine… you saved her life, I can’t thank you enough…” and Laurance gives him a hug

Garroth wanting to hurt, maim, or potentially even kill his own brother because he threatened and insulted Aphmau. Wanting him to just disappear, to go away, to get rid of him or scare him off somehow. Their relationship is significantly worse in MCD than it is in Mystreet.

chat I love them so much <3 Laurance flirting with Aphmau purely just to taunt her and be a teasing little shit, Garroth laughing along and teasing Aphmau alongside him, so Aphmau turns the tables to tease Laurance by saying she’s gonna make Cadenza dye his hair blue next time, and Garroth backing her up by saying it already is blue. There’s a beat between Laurance’s “WHAT?!” And “YOU GUYS ARE JERKS!” So I can’t help but imagine he uses that beat to reflexively take his hair and try to check what color it is, only to realize he can’t fuckin’ see and that’s why they’re saying it’s blue to tease him back, and then he calls them jerks for it lmao. Garroth and Aphmau laugh, and then Aphmau drags them both back to the party to dance and have fun together as a trio for the rest of the night.

GUYS THEY’RE BESTIES NOW!!! THEY’RE BESTIES TOGETHER!! THE THREE MUSKETEERS!! Laurmau, Garrance, and Garmau work really well as individual pairs, but when they’re together as a trio is when they start to really shine and boost each other up in their happiness. I love the teasing and mischief and chaos that naturally blooms between the three of them when they feel comfortable and relaxed with each other, it heavily contrasts the strict, sterile professionalism they normally have to keep up for the sake of their jobs and their safety and gives them this real sense of…being human, together. In those moments, they’re not “knights doing their job” or a lord trying to maintain order, they’re dumb young adults playing and fucking around and enjoying the time they have together—especially in a world where time is, often, cut short. No wars, no politics, not even much about their inner competition. Just them, as they truly act when they’re at their happiest and most comfortable, embracing the time they have together. A family.

Garroth cuts loose his usual shy, strict, closed off exterior and goofs off, something that’d normally be very rare if not at all possible to witness with the man, if it wasn’t for Aphmau and Laurance bringing out his more snarky, playful side. Laurance continues to be a flirtatious tease, but this time it’s not because he wants something out of Aphmau, it’s because he’s being a dork who’s trying to be funny and stupid and silly to make her or Garroth laugh. He’s taunting her. It’s much more light-hearted and genuine and sincere than the “fuckboy” style flirting he was keeping up earlier, and I think that’s why it works better with Aphmau. Because it’s coming from an entirely different place. It’s not spoken with the intent of “I wanna get something out of you ;)” (which makes her uncomfortable) it’s spoken with the intent of two best friends taunting and teasing each other back and forth in order to have fun and be little shits to each other and ultimately make the other laugh. And that, Aphmau most CERTAINLY can get behind.

Something I like to notice in MCD!Aphmau is that all Aphmaus, in every universe, have a very core personality trait of “playful.” They’re mischievous, they’re chaotic, they cause trouble, they tease others, they love puns, they’re always the first to start laughing and the loudest to laugh. But most Aphmaus have some sort of variation in the specifics of how that playful core nature manifests. Like, Void Paradox Aphmau might veer a little more likely to literally set herself on fire if she thinks her hypothesis will work, but Mystreet!Aphmau has a liiiittle bit of a stronger fear of death lmao. MCD!Aphmau is the least playful out of all the Aphmaus, due to circumstance. When you’re in the middle of a war and spending every day slaving away at your unrelenting job trying to make sure everyone you love and care for doesn’t get literally fucking murdered in the next week, and if they do it’s your fault as a leader—you kinda end up not having as bright and bubbly of a spirit on main anymore! MCD!Aphmau is also one of the oldest Aphmaus in terms of meta, real-world time. MCD came before Mystreet and its more light-hearted tone, and it came well before the extreme tone shift of Cocomau/Aphmau SMP content. The difference between the original Diaries Aphmau and Cocomau Aphmau is very night and day.

MCD!Aphmau is the most emotionally mature. She’s more serious, more stern, more cautious, more depressed and anxious and traumatized and stressed out, she’s more jaded, she forms trust issues that struggle against her constant desire to be forgiving, she’s a military leader, she’s constantly locked in violent combat where she fights for her life on the regular against a myriad of foes constantly trying to kill her, she creates battle plans and military strategies and political tactics and allegiances with other nations. One of the things war forces its newest soldiers to do is to grow up. And as MCD progresses, you can see the gradually increasing toll it takes on her. S2 Aphmau carries herself with a much more emotionally scarred and stressed out demeanor than she did at the beginning of S1, and by S3, she’s seen the love of her life die. She’s lost too much to be…bubbly, silly, air-headed, clumsy Aphmau anymore.

So to have someone in her life that can bring out the more innocent heart buried deep inside her… It’s fucking beautiful. To remind her of who she used to be, to put a smile on her face in a time of dire trauma and depression, to make her laugh and stop worrying about the world for just a moment… To bring back to the surface the kind of Aphmau we see in Mystreet, and make her feel free… She needs her boys. She really, really does. She depends on them more than they depend on her. Her boys are her soft place to land, her grounding comfort, who make her feel human again and keep her from losing herself in it all. They keep her afloat. Especially Laurance, whose number one gift is laughter. He may be clever, or brave, or resilient, or doggedly loyal, but by far, Laurance’s greatest strength and greatest asset is his ability to bring laughter. Joy and whimsy and innocence and love that comforts above all else. For someone who struggles so much to find his own sense of humanity, he sure is good at bringing out everyone else’s humanity. I’d kill to have someone like that be by my side during my darkest hour.

Their happy, carefree moments are so rare in this series. It’s always a treasure to find them.

They’ve grown a bond now, but it’s not easy knowing that Laurance is still a monster of the undead. Garroth feels conflicted now, when previously he was utterly resolved in his determination to make sure Laurance, as a Shadow Knight, stayed away from Aphmau and their town, now he knows and likes and admires Laurance as a person. Now he doesn’t know what to do. He’s terrified of the possibility that Laurance could turn at any moment and attack them, he’s much more scared of it than Aphmau is. He trusts Laurance the person with their lives, but Laurance the Shadow Knight…

Meanwhile, Aphmau does not give a shit lmao. Garroth confides in her that he’s scared Laurance might actually kill her, and Aphmau’s like “lmao is this because ur jealous he got to flirt with me last night and u didn’t” and teases him for it. Girl is NOT worried at ALL. (even though it’s her life on the line…) It’s almost like it doesn’t fully click in her mind that this man, one of her closest allies, the man she plays and jokes around with so easily even now, he will be the one to draw her blood. She’s playing with the wolves, as their number one prey, with the number one predator chosen to devour her and her specifically, with the carnivorous beast that craves nothing but her and her blood, his only desire for the feasting, and she just…has no fear. Not really, not deeply, not truly. Not like Garroth does. Maybe as the cat curling up on the crocodile tongue, it still exists in her mind the possibility that those jaws could snap down on her at any time. But she knows Laurance, she trusts Laurance, she knows he won’t. He holds her life in his hands, and she trusts him so much to feel completely comfortable with how he holds her. His jaws could hold themselves over her throat, and she wouldn’t begin to sweat. She still holds on tight to him. She’s the one who feels in control, despite all the odds. She knows he’s not going to hurt her, not like this. She knows he’s tamed. So of course she teases Garroth, taunts him for his concerns.

(aphmau likes her boys to be a lil,,, a little monstrous <3 …… a lil bit deadly, a little bit inhuman…… lil bit a fangs, little bit a claws… monsterfucker aphmau real…… ily monsterfucker aphmau……)

Laurance is currently reveling in the joy and relief of being out of the Nether, recovering his sight, he’s starting to get his old self back. So he plays along with their banter, laughing and having the time of his life. He doesn’t feel like much of a Shadow Knight right now. But he does take Garroth’s concerns seriously, seriously enough to offer to leave Phoenix Drop completely if he starts to really scare them. The weight of this offers kinda glossed over in canon, but like…I want to bring your attention to how heartbreaking that’d be. Aphmau is his number one comfort person, the love of his life, the light in his darkness, the woman that makes him feel human, the close friend that brings out his truest self and holds him dear. He’s offering to give all of that up, everything that makes him happy, everything that makes him feel human, if they would feel safer and more comfortable living without him in their lives. I can only imagine how quickly he would make a dramatic turn for the worst if he did actually leave Phoenix Drop like this, how fast he would deteriorate, the deep depression he would be allowing himself to slip into, all to make them happy. He would give up everything, if it meant they would be happier without him. Guys I want to cry.

AND HE SAYS “It’s just nice to have a place to call home.” GUYS!!!!!!! AAAUAUAUAUUUGUGUGHG HH!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS ?!?????? He has Meteli, doesn’t he? If he still considered Meteli a home he could return to, why the fuck would he talk like he DOESNT HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO ANYMORE—!!-!!!!!!!

Joh was murdered by Sasha, a Shadow Knight. Hayden and Cadenza were both kidnapped by a Shadow Knight. He has, quite literally, become the very same thing that has broken and traumatized his family the most. He resigned as the Head Guard of Meteli after his return from the Nether. It would make a whole lot of sense if Laurance chose to withdraw himself from Meteli, his hometown, and his only-surviving father, in an effort to protect them. Do you think Hayden even knows? Do you think Hayden was told that his son figure was lost to the Nether? Do you think anyone told him? I don’t think Cadenza or Hayden know that he’s a Shadow Knight now—the very thing that murdered his other dad. Do you think Laurance chose to leave his home behind, in an effort to conceal the horrible truth and protect them too? Do you think he resigned as the Head Guard of Meteli because he doesn’t trust himself to protect Hayden, because if he was already incapable of protecting Joh before, how bad do you think it’d be now that he’s the same breed as his killer? Do you think he believes he wouldn’t be fit to be the Head Guard of a town already so traumatized and scarred by Shadow Knights in its past? That he doesn’t belong there anymore? How traumatic would that be for him? To become his own worst nightmare? To let go of his own hometown, to let go of his family in a way, to keep the truth from them, because he knows how they would react if they found out what he had become? Do you think he believes they wouldn’t trust him anymore? Wouldn’t think so highly of him anymore? Do you think he thinks of telling Cadenza the truth, sometimes? How she would react, if she knew?

He doesn’t consider Meteli a home he can return to anymore. Phoenix Drop is the only place he can stay, with the only two people who know the truth and are still willing to keep him around. So if he left PD, he would become a homeless wanderer, with nowhere to stay, no one to trust, nowhere to go. He really wouldn’t have anything left. So Laurance does everything he can now to help out around the village and help Garroth with his work, likely to prove that he’s worth keeping around and to make up for any loss that his new identity may cause. Aaaoouguhhuhhhhhghhh gguhhuhhhhhgggggggggggg

ALSO!!! LAURANCE IS PLAYING WITH HER SON!!! LAURDAD!!! LAURDAD!!!!!! EVERYONE TURN ON THE ALARM BELLS, WE HAVE DAD LAURANCE BEING ADORABLE!!!!!!!

With all of that said, don’t get too attached to all the gutpunching goodness of these episodes’ moments, because we’re about to cover the most fucking hilarious and utterly embarrassing Garmau/Laurmau moment in the entire series. To me, at least.

That’s right, we’ve reached the “witnessing your WORST FEARS!!” episode. And this is Garroth and Laurance’s worst fear, right here.

Excuse my burning, autistic passion for a moment: LOOK AT THESE LOSERS!!! LOOK AT THESE UTTER DUMBASSES!!! LOOK AT HOW THEY SUCK ASS!!!!! They’re so embarrassing to witness I want to SCREAM. I want to tear them to pieces with my teeth like a dog upon a chew toy, LOOK AT HOW FUCKING STUPID THEY ARE!!! This is the lowest point Garroth and Laurance’s intelligence has EVER hit (thus far) and to me, honest to god, it’d be less embarrassing if they pissed themselves. What fuckin’ losers. I’m so unreasonably peeved by their idiocy (says the person writing 10,000 words of yapping about everything these fuckin Lego blocks do and think and say………)

But seriously you honest to god could not make me believe that “aphmau kissing a stranger they’ve never met” is the worst fear of both Garroth and Laurance. Bullshit. I call absolute fuckin bullshit. I REFUSE to believe that, fuck that shit. Do you have any idea what these bitches have been through???? Laurance witnessed his own father figure be horrifically MURDERED in front of his very eyes, when it was HIS JOB AND SOLE RESPONSIBILITY to make sure he stayed alive, and he FAILED. Not only that, his father figure was murdered by his own and only BESTEST FRIEND, after he WATCHED HER BURN ALIVE IN A POOL OF LAVA, and then he returned to the very same realm he watched her die in, gave up his LIFE to SLOWLY DIE IN A HORRIFICALLY TRAUMATIC PROCESS OF PHYSICAL TORTURE AND UNGODLY LEVELS OF PAIN that gave him SEVERE PTSD in the very same realm that she died in, only to become the SAME EXACT BREED OF MONSTER THAT HE WATCHED KILL HIS FATHER, and forever be faced with the reality of INEVITABLY FOLLOWING IN HER FOOTSTEPS AND REPEATING THE SAME CRIME BY MURDERING THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE!!!!!

AND GARROTH???? OHOHO THIS BITCH AINT FREE EITHER!!!! Garroth was raised in a highly dysfunctional, possibly even abusive household with a vicious and cruel father that looms over his life and legacy like the world’s most mortifying shadow of every expectation he COULDN’T MEET because he was so goddamn upset and scared and disturbed by the ways his father tried to remove his personal agency and consent (by marrying someone he didn’t want to, entering a romantic, possibly physical relationship he did not consent to) that he faked his OWN DEATH to RUN AWAY FROM HIS FAMILY, only to be rendered incapable of meeting the expectations and hopes of all the people in Phoenix Drop, too. He disappoints them like he disappoints everyone, and everything goes wrong because it’s his fault, and he never stops feeling guilty for his own cowardice or his loving heart that can’t see people’s true corruptions until it’s too late, he loathes himself for every sin that he carries upon his shoulders. Even if it’d be personally reasonable that he didn’t know, or he was only trying to take care of himself in a dire moment of need, etc. He’s lost his brothers, he’s lost Zenix, who he still terribly mourns to this day. He still believes in Zenix, he still grieves losing him, this monster he believes he created. He watched Phoenix Drop burn, because of Zenix, because of him. He thought he was safe, before Zane came around, before his only place of safety and security away from his mortifying family was completely breached and torn wide open by his ravenous brother, hunting him down like a bloodhound upon rabbits, there’s nowhere safe for him to hide anymore. He’s not safe from his family, no matter how far he tries to run, how much he tries to hide. He’s not safe from Zane taking everything away from him just for the kicks and giggles of it, he’s not safe from his father taking away his life and his personhood, he’s not safe from his legacy or his ever-looming shadow, he’s not safe from his sins, from the shadow of Lord Malik, from the weight of Zenix upon his shoulders, from losing his mommy, from losing Vylad… Garroth lives in a perpetual state of seeing his world, his safety, his security, crumble to dust all around him. Garroth lives in fear. Garroth lives in shame. Garroth can’t stop running, no matter how close the hounds get to snapping at his hooves, Garroth can’t stop hiding, no matter how many times his family pries open his security measures and breaks down his walls and invades every last space they weren’t allowed to open up. He belongs to his father and his wicked throne. The noose never stops looming, never stops closing tighter and tighter around his throat, no matter how hard he thrashes or struggles—or straight up just…gives up. His family tells him he means nothing, that he should be ashamed, that he’s stupid and worthless and only good for continuing the monarchy, and he believes them.

Garroth and Laurance’s “worst fear” would never be “aphmau kissing another man,” and in comparison to everything else we know about their character arcs by this point, the sheer childish, shallow pettiness of this choice feels like someone spitting on everything else these boys have been through. Not to mention the fact that we’re toeing the line of toxic, territorial heteronormative bullshit and toxically possessive behavior with shit like this. Genuinely it is not okay in any degree for Laurance or Garroth to actually attack and try to physically or violently harm anyone Aphmau wants to hook up with, especially since she is single and can date whoever she pleases, and they have zero ownership over her, nor do they deserve ANY control over her love life just because they like her. Thats fucked up, man. If this were actually really happening and Aphmau really did want to kiss Dante, and Laurance and Garroth tried to fucking maim him for it, Aphmau would have every right to fire them and kick them out of her guard. She would have every right and frankly should kick them to the curb for ever even attempting such a thing. What the fuck.

And on slightly more analysis-based terms, I believe Aphmau’s presence in their lives does make up an aspect of their overarching tapestry of trauma and fear and concerns and thoughts. If you put them through a nightmare sequence that covered all of their worst fears, I believe she should definitely make an appearance! But not like this. Not in the context of “ohh what if she romantically gets with someone else,” bro wtf they’ve got SOOOOO much bigger fish on their plates to worry about rn wtf. How about “I hope Zane doesn’t try to execute the love of my life and take me away from my son,” huh? What about “I hope I don’t worsen my greatest failure tenfold by becoming the exact same as my father’s murderer, even though im struggling against the inevitable explosion of a timebomb destroying everything I hold dear all over again”? How about you start worrying about the actual war looming on the horizon, instead of childish middle school drama bullshit? How about you start worrying about who you might watch die in the next coming months? You’ve got a son being hunted for his blood by monsters beyond all human strength and power, one of them being your own little brother/son figure who you love more than life and dearly miss and mourn despite his ultimate betrayal, and you’re worrying about your crush? What are you, 13 years old?

Anyway. Taking deep breaths now. Drinking a nice cup of tea like Zoey Taltatheil would want me to. I love this series with a very strong fiery passion, so like. If ever I go off about Garroth and Laurance’s worst actions or certain writing decisions, know that im not like,,, talking shit, especially not just for the sake of talking shit, yknow? I see so, sooo much infinite worlds of potential for these characters, so much so that I need to write thousands and thousands of words about them on a regular basis just to get the magnitude of how much they mean to me out of my chest, or else I explode lmao. So know I’m coming from a place of love with all of this, I say this because I love these characters and I love these stories and I want the best for them above all else. They truly are something beautiful, and a pivotal piece of my life, I’d give anything to these guys, and I don’t wanna be perceived as like… a negative person or harsh or anything like that whenever their…more dubious moments get me all fired up. But with all of that out of my system, back to legitimate character analysis, because this scene does actually have some interesting pieces I’d like to unpack as well:

Putting aside whether or not they should be reacting like this at all, I want to bring attention to how drastically different their reactions are, and how that’s used to contrast the two and their core personalities/demeanors. We’re also getting into how this arc is kind of the first time we see how Laurance’s transformation starts effecting him. So it’s very likely his anger is being heightened by his SK transformation, as it does for him later in this same arc when he argues with Garroth. But this exemplifies how, to me, Laurance is a lot like fire, and Garroth is a lot like water. Laurance’s anger is explosive, he’s shouting and screaming violent threats while Garroth stands in horror, speaking in quiet, broken up, whimpering, wounded phrases, barely anything at all. Where Garroth draws quiet and pulls away in his hurt, Laurance snarls and screams and explodes outwards, kicking and fighting against whatever bind you put him in. Maybe his SK side invents this in him, or perhaps it simply exemplifies and draws out an inherent character trait of how Laurance handles his temper, whenever it spikes.

That’s not to say that Garroth is incapable of reaching a high temper and shouting at people as well, he often does! But genuinely it feels like the dynamics of fire and water to me when he does. Like during his betrayal in S1’s finale, Garroth gets angry, but he handles his anger by withdrawing. Stepping back, turning quiet and reserved and cold. Backhanded, passive aggressive, still snarky, but not in the quippy, clever way that Laurance is. He feels like ice, cold and sharp and potent and deadly. While Laurance seethes, he blisters with his grudges and his grumblings under his breath and the sour glares he burns into your soul, only to shout at you once you poke his temper like a bear and a stick. Where Garroth is quiet, Laurance is loud, where Garroth is a sharp, singular, calculated point digging where he knows it’ll hurt the most, Laurance is an explosion that burns up everything around him in his vicinity, destroying his life piece by piece without much care for all the people it hurts when he finally blows up, all the people he pushes away at once. It’s present in the ways they act when they’re at their complete worst, but it’s also present in how they act when they’re at their best: The spark of laughter, the kindling of a warm and happy home. The comfort in the quiet stillness of a lake, in the gentle lapping of ocean waves by the shore.

(my god they got the red and blue homosexuals …… bro the fire/water red/blue elemental theming…… bro it’s everywhere……)

There’s also something fascinating to note about how it’s like… maybe this is just on Laurance’s side of things, maybe it’s both of them, but it’s like the competition for “who gets to be Aphmau’s lover” only extends to Garroth and Laurance in these two’s minds. Like, to them, they see each other as the only exceptions. Because there’s a contrast in their behaviors when it’s each other “succeeding” vs watching someone else, unrelated to their personal rivalry, “succeeding.” Garroth kisses Aphmau in a dream, and Laurance’s reaction is to teasingly say, “Hey, do you think if I showed up in his dreams, he’d be so excited to see me again that he’d kiss me too?” But Laurance watches Dante almost kiss Aphmau, and he loses his shit. Like it’s fair game for Garroth, his close friend and fellow rival, to kiss Aphmau, but once someone else he’s never seen before starts to “get in on it” so to speak, he’s FURIOUS. I wonder if that factors into why Laurance and Garroth dislike Aaron so much later on. Because he’s technically “”winning the game”” (i really don’t like referring to Aphmau like she’s a “game/prize” to be “won” and not like. a person, just making decisions. but like this is what exists in their heads and i gotta communicate how these boys think somehow) but he’s not been like… officially sworn into the match lmao. He’s an outsider, I guess. Either that, or it’s a matter of how familiar Laurance is with Garroth that he trusts him to be able to take good care of Aphmau and love her properly, so his protective nature doesn’t really extend to Garroth as a “potential threat,” but he hugely distrusts everyone else he doesn’t really know, so he doesn’t trust them to take good care of Aphmau, and therefore gets much more riled up about it. Just overall he has a much greater distaste and distrustful, angry and violent contempt for people he doesn’t personally know and trust trying to date Aphmau, a possessive/overprotective contempt that doesn’t apply to, say, Garroth, for some reason. Garroth doesn’t have this internal phenomenon as much, he’d still be like. Incredibly bothered if Laurance kissed Aphmau, this doesn’t apply to Garroth anywhere near as much as it does for Laurance, Garroth just doesn’t want anyone else “winning” her heart in general

To touch on what I mentioned with Aphmau being an aspect of Garroth and Laurance’s Concerns TapestryTM I think of Aphmau as representing something important to them in their lives. For Garroth, Aphmau is all the love that he never got growing up. For Laurance, she’s his humanity, his keystone of truth and sincerity and what it means to feel safe, to feel like yourself. She’s the guiding beacon back home. So if Laurance lost her, like say through murder or death or someone else taking her away or what have you, he’d be losing his only lighthouse of where to go in a world shrouded with darkness. Without her, he becomes lost, wandering through the shadowed and foggy wastes in his mind, slowly losing himself more and more and becoming everything he fears the most. He loses his humanity, he loses himself, he loses his heart, he loses all the love in his life that she (and his family + Garroth) brings. He needs her in the way a drowning man clings onto a rock, in the way a ship needs its lighthouse on the stormy, cloudy nights.

For Garroth… There’s a reason why im going on a character analysis journey, because I genuinely don’t know him as well as I know Laurance. He’s a big fan of keeping his true thoughts and feelings smothered wayyyy down out of sight, so it’s a lot harder for me to read what Aphmau means to Garroth on a real, complex, multi-faceted level. Beyond the simplicity of just a surface-level “oh he loves her.” Why does he love her? What, specifically, does he love about her, and what does he dislike? What kind of influence does she represent and cause in his life? Is she what home feels like to him? Is she the ideal form of the wife, the love, the family, he’s always wanted, but could never find in O’khasis? Is she the physical embodiment of the very reason why he left Nicole? When he looks at Nicole (later on), does he see Aphmau in her and think of an alternate timeline where those pieces were all he clung to to try to find solace in justifying that this arraigned marriage was okay? Or does he see a void in every way Nicole is vastly different from her and realize just how deeply unhappy he would have been, in every way they would have clashed as a couple, and everything he would yearn for that she could not give him? Is he disturbed by the differences, or relieved by them? Did he always wish and yearn for someone like Aphmau to love him, or did he rebuke the very idea of love growing up? Is this the first time it’s ever pounced upon him, startling him out of the blue? Does he struggle against its pull, in his mind? Does he think of all the ways that this would be a terrible idea, for someone to love him now, or does he put it on a pedestal? Is he so completely consumed by the appeal of being loved, that he doesn’t actually know what a relationship looks like? Does he refuse to believe that a being as wonderful as Aphmau would ever love something as disgusting as him? Is that why he kept quiet for so long? Is that why it stung so badly when the idea in his head that Aphmau could never be his, would never want to belong to something so foul and flawed and hideous, comes true? (in his personal perception, I mean, of the illusion of laurance kissing her in the woods)

Is she security, to him? Or is she the feeling of the thrill, of dangers unseen? Is she safety, or is she the terror of everything he’s scared to lose? Is she his master, of any kind? His leader, the one who paves the path that a measly dog like him can only follow? How much does he dedicate himself to her as an utter servant, bent to every beautiful and illustrious word she could ever say—or does he wish to control her himself? How he wants her to be his, and only his, does he want to claim her, mark her, forever emblazon her as his own claimed territory, an extension of his pride? Is there a vicious and cruel leader that lives on in him, that demands ownership of all he sees, that’s greedier and pettier and more prideful and wicked than he would like to admit, and he’s terrified of ever awakening it? Is that why he stays so quiet, why he draws away from others, why he keeps them at arms length and refuses to open up too much? Why he refuses to ever become a leader of anything—because he knows what he would be summoning if he did? The knowledge that, in truth, he has the potential to not only capture Garte’s legacy, but take it to new and terrible sights no one could ever imagine? Do you think it scares him? Do you think he’s desperate to never become the man he could be, and yet it gets drawn out of him anyway? In his pettiest moments, when the worst of him gets dragged out by the most insulting of circumstance, when his ego is bruised enough, it comes out anyway and he embraces it in the meanest way he can, in all his blinding rage and his stubbornly bleeding pride?

Do you think Aphmau is his guide through the dark, in a very similar way to Laurance, in all the ways she influences him to be better, to be kinder, to be more merciful and forgiving instead of strict, to have empathy beyond his warped moral code, in the ways she encapsulates everything he wishes, desperately, he could become instead? And when he rejects her, he strides strong and direct into the dark, to become the worst version of himself, to dominate and control, to turn to higher ambitions (joining the jury of nine) and closer to the throne than ever before, to embrace his dark role in the family unit, his powerful role in the family unit—do you think he and Laurance are opposites, in that way? Why Laurance had to be the reminder of empathy and heart and forgiveness and mercy, to find him in the dark and drag him back to what’s real, as opposed to what’s right?

I don’t think of canon MCD!Garroth as some woobified ditsy adorable golden retriever boy, like what he,,quite literally becomes in mystreet lmao. I used to, but then I started my rewatch and realizing a lot of his behaviors and decisions in the canon series are not actually that “Boy Scout” of him? And in my personal opinion, he feels a lot closer to having potential of becoming a mean and gritty villain in a slightly different timeline than having any sort of potential for being a,,,cute, innocent, “oh no so saddd :((“ golden retriever prettyboy with a heart of gold. My man does not have a heart of gold, and I will die by that. He has a heart of fiercely believing what he thinks is right, and valuing that + his pride over things like empathy and love. He’s a man of his own personal law, not a man of sweet adorable innocence. He’s not your pookie, he’s one hell of a bitch.

He’s most of the reason why im going through the whole series to create a perfect, detailed tapestry of every way Garroth speaks, thinks, ticks, moves, feels, what he believes, what his morals are, where he aligns himself, his best and worst personality traits, why he’s loved by others and why he loves Aphmau in the first place, why he turns on her, how he feels about Zane, whether or not he values his pride above anything else, including love and care and empathy for others. I understand Laurance and Aaron like the back of my hand, but Garroth? Not so much. I’m always guessing with this man. So like… at this point in my research, the data is unclear. I’ll get back to the question of, “What does Aphmau mean to Garroth exactly? What would it mean for him to lose her?” when I figure out the rest lmao

Plus, it’s a little harder to approach the question of “what would it mean for him to lose her” when it comes to Garroth specifically, because he like. totally throws her to the wolves later, he kicks her ass to the CURB lmao, so like- whatever he gets in losing her, it’s clearly not terrifying or dire enough for him to actually give a shit about keeping her around when his ego gets tested lmao

(It’s also harder for me to understand MCD!Aphmau as a character, so im also going down this character analysis journey for her sake as well, but anyway)

Aphmau, surprisingly, isn’t really phased at all by what she just witnessed, in terms of seeing her boys react so embarrassingly. To be fair, she is the author, so if their reactions are ethically fine to Jess, then they’d be ethically fine to Aphmau, and I fully think that’s why. But there’s also the fact that she’s not really having any reaction at all in general, she doesn’t talk to the boys about it, she doesn’t confront them about it, she doesn’t check on them to ask what that was about and if they’re okay, and I think that’s because, narratively, this scene isn’t intended by design to leave much of an impact on Aphmau personally. Most of them aren’t. Sometimes MCD!Aphmau is a character more than anything else, but a lot of the time she functions as little more than a walking camera for the audience. That scene wasn’t designed to leave a lasting emotional impact on Aphmau as a character, as a complicated, in-depth person, that scene was designed to allow the audience to watch a juicy moment of drama where we get to see the boys witness their “worst fear!!!” and get mega jealous. If I were to come up with how Aphmau would be feeling about her boys’ reaction to the illusion, I would probably be extrapolating into the land of variable subjective headcanon and, to a degree, starting to make shit up. Which is what I mean about how she’s harder to read as a character because she’s more of a vessel than anything else, half of the time. She’s a camera for her YouTube audience to see what she’s written, and she’s the author reacting to dialogue and events as if she were immersed in the world, but throughout S1, Aphmau’s not really fully a character yet. I think S2, when we drop the video cam in the corner and treat her more like a narrative pov instead of a YT streamer’s camera, is when her personality starts to get a lot more fleshed out and she starts reacting to things and being impacted by things more properly.

In a way, you could use that as fuel to write an arc for her that’s based on the concept of what makes us a person. In others eyes (Irene correlation), in our loved ones’ eyes (with all the general objectification done by Garroth and Laurance if you’re keeping that in), and in our own.

Anyway, Aphmau does something super sweet and adopts Malachi as her own. New son gained! Where the others see a dangerous and unpredictable threat, Aphmau sees a child playing with things it doesn’t have the emotional maturity/capacity to understand. This proves her high empathy, forgiving nature, and,,,uh. maternal instincts, probably.

I do love Laurance calming the fuck down to see this from a more empathetic perspective as well. He says he’s an orphan too (he’ll be a 2x orphan after the timeskip🔪) so he can’t help but sympathize with the little lad. He reacted the most violently to the illusion, but he’s also the quickest to open up to the idea of Malachi being his new baby, so,,, I. I dunno. Hey I’ll take a Laurdad moment wherever I can get one lmao

It’s sweet that he’s at least trying to do the same thing Garroth did when he found out Aphmau would be taking in a kid to raise as her own. He wants to make sure she isn’t handling it alone, that he shares some of the burden and helps her out, supports her in this responsibility and journey.

Lmao i feel bad for Dante. What a way to make a first impression on your newest little friend lmao. “Welcome to the guard!!! (WE WILL BOTH PERSONALLY EVISCERATE YOU AND TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB IF YOU EVER SO MUCH AS THINK OF ROMANTICALLY PURSUING OUR CRUSH. ONE WRONG MOVE AND WE’LL FUCKING KILL YOU)”

also right after Aphmau and Dante get down from their position up above witnessing Laurance and Garroth’s fear responses, Dante tells Aphmau, “Aphmau, that child is a spectre! get away from it, be careful!!!” and Laurance retorts to him with a “SHE can do WHATEVER she WANTS, EXCUSE YOU”

and i can’t help but like… laugh at that, coming from laurance lmao. like. i know it’s related specifically to handling the ghost and he’s just being snarky here, but. laurance my guy you are the exact reason why she can’t do whatever she wants. like you and Garroth are single-handedly the number one reason why Aphmau actually isn’t allowed to do “whatever she wants” with her life and her choices. like you just barely proved that pretty damn strongly lmao. if there’s any way Aphmau is being unreasonably restricted from being free to do whatever she wants with her life, it is like. most certainly your own fault my guy

I have literally drawn this moment because of how much it means to me. It is the banner for my profile, as of writing this. I fucking love Laurdad. I do like that the boys kinda have their own favorite kid that looks like them, Garroth has Levin as his number one favorite son with the blonde hair and blue eyes, and Laurance has Malachi as his favorite son, and though i know Mal looks a lot more like Vylad than anything else, I think he’s based on Laurance in the same way Levin is obviously based on Garroth. He has brown hair like Laur, and though he has green eyes and currently Laur has blue, he used to have bright green eyes before the Nether. And if the orange was hair dye, then that means Laurance’s natural, unaltered appearance would be brown hair with green eyes. Just like Mal. Not to mention the fact that Malachi and Laurance also share an orphaned past and a life bound by the supernatural, creepy, and even disturbing undead. Of course Laurance “The Doomed One & Our Vampire Allegory” Zvahl’s kid would be the creepy undead one <3

This move also integrates Laurance solidly into Aphmau’s family unit. Previously, he could have just been seen as Levin’s occasional babysitter, or an uncle figure, but now he is solidly one of the dads. And with it, I wanna bring attention to one of my utmost favorite things in Minecraft Diaries by far—The Aphmau family unit. Let me spell something out for you: We have four children, only one that’s biological and three that are all adopted, one that’s a supernatural former ghost, with two moms, and two dads, four parents in total. That is NOT a heteronormative nuclear family unit. That’s a weird-ass family unit to have!! Three adopted kids, one biological kid, two moms, two dads, and NONE of them are married, or even officially dating. And the narrative never views them as weird!!! It’s never commented on by any of the characters how strange it is that these adopted kids have 4 parents at once, or even that they have a single mom as their only “official” parent! It’s never questioned! It’s never judged! They’re treated as normally and kindly as anyone else, and you know what’s really awesome? Instead of judging and scorning Aphmau for being a single mom, everyone in her vicinity immediately offers up as much support as they can. The whole village cares for her and her wellbeing and success. Logan (and probably Donna and their children by proxy as well) takes good care of her kids whenever the town is in danger, and he helps Zoey raise and take care of the boys during the timeskip. The town throws baby showers to celebrate each child and give Aphmau all these gifts, probably to make her life easier as a mom! Garroth and Laurance never question her ability to raise her children on her own, instead they automatically take the extra responsibility of helping out as co-parents without any fight or hesitation or apprehension or scorn. They just…automatically sign themselves up as parents, because Aphmau’s a mother now. They recognize that being a single mom is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility to carry—so they choose to help!!! Just- automatically!!! Without any resistance!!! And they LOVE being dads!!!!! They’re not even married!!!!!!!! Do you have any fucking clue how rare odd/unusual and arguably revolutionary family units are in fiction??!?!?!?! The only non-traditional family unit in fiction I can remember seeing consists of like…all the tragic shows and movies and video games I’ve seen out there about a single father or mother + their kids, which is still much more normal than whatever Aphmau’s got going on, and like… Steven Universe, with one kid, four moms, and one biological dad, and the only people who are married in that situation are two of the lesbian moms that are not biologically related to Steven. That’s the only family unit in fiction I’ve seen that’s comparable to MCD!Aphmau’s. Aphmau’s family means soooooo sososo fucking much to me man.

(oh! and Aaron has a biological kid of his own that he had from a different marriage, so Alina and the others have a half-brother through him, and Zoey has a son that we never ended up seeing, so he’d probably count as some kind of,,,,uh,,,half,,step brother? from her? so in reality there are six kids, with the extra two being from previous marriages, one widowed and one basically divorced. those other two kids are just. uh. out of commission, so to speak)

Also, that means Vylad and Zane are uncles to Aphmau’s children, and Cadenza is their aunt. And Hayden, Joh, Zianna, and Garte are all grandparents. Levin should meet his uncle Vylad at some point, I think that’d be really sweet

...Speaking of Aaron~

THE MAN!!

THE MYTH!!

THE LEGEND!!

ABS MAN!!!

Its the alpha male of your dreams (or your worst nightmares), the man who refuses to let his Sick Fit conform to the ways of “time periods” and “a medieval fantasy setting” or heaven forbid the laws of “temperature and body heat,” the man blinded by his scarf who somehow still has perfect aim, the definition of mysterious brooding tall dark and handsome, the insufferable jackass with a true heart of gold, the man whose flashing the biggest sword out of all the other sexy boys in the cast and yes im talking about the weapon— AARON LYCAN!!!!

Hate him or love him, it’s good to see you again, man.

Dude, MCD Aarmau is wild when you actually look back at it. You thought Laurance and Aphmau got off on a bad foot? Try these two. They’re strained and clashing for a looong time before they become close. They are a rollercoaster.

Aaron is cold, stern, and completely closed off from the world. He lives in an abandoned, arctic wasteland without any hope for human civilization miles away. He’s completely isolated himself, and he’s hellbent on staying that way. He’s brash and harsh and icy to those around him in an effort to push them all away, because of the trauma in his past. He has trust issues and a hellish amount of anger in his system because my man is not handling the mourning and grief of his wife and son well at all. There was a severe amount of injustice in how they died, they were innocents murdered by a man causing destruction just for the fun of it, for kicks, and he’s furious that they’re gone and furious with Zane and furious with trusting strangers ever again, and it bleeds out a lot into everything else. But I think he also harbors a lot of self-loathing and guilt (exactly like Garroth and Laurance) over the death of his family and his village. I think he blames himself for it. He blames Zane, yes, he’s furious that Zane murdered an entire innocent village, including his wife, his son, his childhood friends, and the head guard that raised him (sounds an awful lot like agent r to me, but that’s just a headcanon) and burned down his childhood home and likely any remnants of his father and family and anything he ever held dear—but he also feels like it was his fault that it ever happened in the first place. Maybe if he hadn’t taken the amulet, maybe if he had just taught his son to be slightly more wary of strangers, maybe if he had found Zane first, none of that would have happened. Maybe if he hadn’t failed, they would all still be alive. I wouldn’t be surprised if Aaron was a victim of survivors guilt as well, feeling guilty that he was the only one who survived, when they all had such potential for wonderful lives they should have been allowed to live, not him. The life his son was supposed to live, how his son was supposed to outlive him, not the other way around. Maybe he hates himself for surviving. The grief of all of that would be fucking crushing. I can see how, in a depressive state that far down, a man like him would isolate himself, cut himself off from ever loving or caring for anyone again, because he’s so fucking terrified of losing them the same way—of losing them because of a mistake he made. So it’s better to be cold, to not care, to never give a shit about anyone else and spend the rest of his days utterly, miserably alone, punishing himself with his isolation in the freezing cold that could very well kill him at any moment. Fighting werewolves, something that could very well kill him if he made one wrong move, and only holding onto his anger as the only emotion that could possibly keep a man that depressed and traumatized and psychologically torn to shreds still standing, still moving, still pressing onwards despite the weight of it all. Because what else does he have to live for, if not to avenge everyone that died? Maybe if he avenged them by killing Zane, it would make right his sins. Maybe then, he could finally allow himself to rest, to stop moving and searching for him, to lay down in the snow and finally join his family in peace.

His self-imposed isolation is supposed to make him look all cool and mysterious and brooding, but I can’t take that seriously for the life of me lmao, so I’m gonna see it for what it really is: Self-destructive behavior. Constant, never-ending self-destruction, harming himself and his livelihood out of blood-bleaching terror, guilt, shame, grief, anger, fatigue, and despair. He is not handling his trauma well at all, so he pushes everyone away all the time…but that’s never going to be enough to erase his heart. Not completely.

He could have left Aphmau to die. It would have been easy. But what kind of person would he be, if he let someone else die, again? If he had the ability to stop it, and once again, he fucking failed them? He couldn’t possibly. He doesn’t want to be seen as nice, he doesn’t want anyone to like him, to grow attached to him and try to keep him around. Maybe because he doesn’t intend on sticking around. But no matter how hard he tries to smother it out, he still has a big heart underneath. The heart of someone who desperately yearns for love, for human connection that he hasn’t experienced in years, the whimpering and weak man who just wants his wife back, who wishes he could be a father again. Who has enough compassion to help out those in need, even if he tries to convince them he’s actually not very nice. Who has enough compassion and quiet, tender, shy, soft fatherly love in him left to treat Nekoette with a gentle patience and kindness, who would wholeheartedly participate in a tea party picnic with Nekoette if she begged him to. And you just know he would take that princess tea party very seriously, only to snark Aphmau, Laurance, or whoever found him sitting on a tiny plastic pink chair with a teacup perfectly poised in his hand, pinky raised. Aaron as a character is wise, emotionally mature, much more so than Aphmau, Garroth, Laurance, or like,,, most of the entire fkin cast lmao. In every universe, Aaron is the one who holds the brain cells. Notably, in MCD only, he’s also a former Lord. This gives him a level of experience and wisdom that Garroth and Laurance and most others don’t have, and it puts him on equal footing with Aphmau, as opposed to the imbalance of servant x idol that’s embedded deep into Laurmau and Garmau’s relationships, mainly due to being her knights. So if ever Aphmau needs help or advice or aid in handling Lordship, Aaron is the one who can and would give it to her, and MCD!Aaron isn’t gonna sugarcoat that shit. (yes I know Garroth is “technically” a lord in canon but he never went back to take his throne, so he’s literally never served a day in his life as a lord. he has zero experience and rejects that role as much as humanly possible. he does not count)

His design in MCD is hilariously laughable (look at them big and plump frostbitten blueass man titties. his skin doesn’t have nips on it because he’s already lost them to the arctic tundra. look at that pyramid stud-lookin hot topic belt with those emo black ripped skinny jeans. do you think his jeans are skin-tight to the curvature of his ass. do you think that whole ass is out, in the snow, in the mountains, in -0 degrees weather. do you think it claps when he walks. you can hear it echo across the mountainside from miles away. it’s his calling card. the abs count as armor plating, they deflect the blades of swords and even the hardest of werewolf claws. why? because the steel of the sword may be hard but aaron is harder. he leaves behind adidas footprints when he walks) but I do like him as a character lmao. We’ve entered DILF territory from here on out guys

nevermind guys I take back any prior frustration. i love them. guys look at them they’re so fucking CUTE aaAAUUGH they love each other <3

I love love love that they included an apology. I love that they fight, but then they make up!! They step back to cool off, and when they do, they come back to each other and apologize earnestly for everything they said and did while they were arguing. They really don’t like fighting each other. It’s SO sweet. It’s so sweet that they care about each other that much to admit they were wrong, for their love for each other they’ll forgo their prides and beg for forgiveness. I love seeing a glimpse into Garroth’s softer side in how he treats Laurance. He was the one getting insulted the most in that fight, and yet he’s the one who first turns right around and apologizes earnestly and insists that he was the one in the wrong, no matter what. He really does feel bad, he regrets what he’s done wrong and returns to Laurance to tenderly beg for forgiveness. And Laurance is more casual and carefree about it, shrugging off Garroth’s insistence that Laurance was justified and apologizing too for his own brash attitude. With how he’s talking here, i could almost vividly, perfectly capture the small smile on his face as he’s speaking. They should hug and hold hands and Garroth should cup his face in his big ol palms and they should hug and clutch each other close and then they should get married /silly

This episodes also an important point to spotlight the beginning of Laurance’s descent. Oh, to be doomed to become someone’s Judas.

In his description, Laurance paints an image that is honestly horrifying, with losing literal control over your body but being forced to watch as something else, something well beyond your mortal control, a worse and warped, inhuman version of you, takes over your body and your words and does everything it can to destroy everything around you. It’s like he’s getting possessed. It removes your inhibitions and your filter and pushes you to be so much angrier than you normally are, artificially pushing you over the edge and encouraging you to spit venomous words and do everything you can to start a fight and draw blood and get violent. I wonder how much regret and fear Zenix feels, if that’s true. But it does imply that Laurance’s angrier moments, the times he’s meaner and sharper and crueler, they’re unlike him and a deviation from his natural state, artificially caused by his demonic descent into madness and bloodlust.

i luv men <3

Laurance being petty and snarky, he’s the one who always starts fights, Dante isn’t the one who starts them but he’s the one who gets caught up in them, and Garroth is always the one to settle them. Garroth’s the one in the group with enough maturity to tell them all to stop fuckin bickering over meaningless things. And Aphmau’s outside of the arguments—but she insists she wasn’t the one who got them lost. But as a whole she prefers to stay away from any and all bickering in general. Garroth keeping track of where their priorities and responsibilities really are and yanking them back on track when Laurance veers off on a distraction and Dante easily follows.

Then Aphmau gets arrested/almost arrested for the third time now.

Aphmau gets turned into a dog per Lucinda’s escape plan, and i love the contrast in Laurance and Garroth’s reactions. Garroth gets mega worried and freaks out, and meanwhile Laurance just trusts Aphmau to always know what she’s doing, even if shit gets wacky and weird, he’s still down! He’s all for it! Let’s get weird! He says she’s lookin’ good! Garroth asks that she PLEASE be safe PLEASE please be SAFE and meanwhile Laurance is just like “knock ‘em dead baby 👉👉” Garroth is a worrywart pacing a path into the floor of the cell, while Laurance is much more adventurous and always down to clown. They’re opposites!

these two are a never ending rollercoaster on studying the portrayal and varying extent of empathy vs ego. Maybe i need to rethink prior assessments about these two. I’m learning just as you guys are as you follow me along this journey, I’m making this up as I go, so naturally I expect myself to start getting certain shit wrong. Maybe my previous assessment of “Garroth has lower empathy than laurance” wasn’t entirely correct. But I still feel like I need to figure out some sort of solid, in-depth explanation for why Garroth betrays them later on… It’s this interesting dichotomy Garroth’s character poses to me. Perhaps I need to shift my paradigm. I’m focusing on the wrong things, simplifying my assessments based on surface-level reactions and traits, looking at the equation from the wrong angle.

Here, Laurance reiterates the idea I’ve so far assumed, and it’s that Garroth is a very pride-based man. Not as in he’s particularly arrogant or haughty or full of himself, not in the slightest. Just that his pride, his ego, is one of his highest priorities. When it’s wounded, it cuts him so much deeper than it would for other characters, like Aphmau or Aaron or Dante. And that was my explanation for why he behaves the way he does in certain circumstances, especially and mainly at his worst, and how it affects his view of Aphmau. When he’s at his worst, from what I remember and presume, he seems to act very pridefully, and there’s a consistent emphasis on “Garroth’s pride” throughout the latter half of S1, like right now. So it’s certainly at least…an aspect of him, of his values and core pieces that influence his decisions and the way he thinks. He’s not full of himself at ALL, he’s actually severely insecure, and that’s why he’s a man of wounded ego, and men of wounded egos can often do… drastic and unfortunate things. Like leaving his loved ones and his entire town to die in a critical time of war, or even sacrificing his life because he sincerely feels like his loved ones are better off without him.

But I think where I assume incorrectly about his character is in the latter half of what Laurance points out: His pride doesn’t stem from selfishness. His pride stems from selflessness, and an extreme, empathetic excess of it.

That’s fascinating. I’m gonna need to chew real hard on that.

Laurance says, “What he’s most proud of is the people he cares for - he invests too much of himself in them and while I don’t believe that to be a bad thing, he invests ALL of himself into them, which IS a bad thing.” What this demonstrates is high empathy, or empathic behavior. And I do trust that Laurance knows Garroth intimately enough by this point to know Garroth’s real and honest flaws, I think he’s fully telling the truth about him and would make a brutally honest, accurate assessment of his character. I trust Laurance’s assessments of Garroth more than I’d trust anyone else in the cast and much more than I’d trust my own lmao. He’s painting the picture of how Garroth has such immense empathy and intense love and care and compassion for everyone around him, that he doesn’t see them for the swindling or wicked or heartless people they really are. I don’t feel like Laurance is correct or telling Hard Objective Facts when he claims his own method and approach is better than Garroth’s, but he is correct when he assesses that Garroth’s sensitive heart may lead him to falter with or possibly refuse to do something like killing Zenix, if push came to shove. I doubt that Garroth is exactly a doormat? He doesn’t seem to be much of a doormat to Zane, I mean. Or to any of the other more run-of-the-mill threats they come across. And it’s not exactly doormat behavior to betray your father’s commands by escaping your toxic family to a brand new, healthier, better life for yourself. He’s not a doormat, I think Laurance is referring to Garroth hesitating before taking a crucial strike, because he loves Zenix with his whole heart, while Laurance wouldn’t hesitate to kill Zenix on sight (ironic lmao).

And maybe this is more true than my theory of Garroth not caring as much as he seems. In how Mystreet!Garroth still smothers Zane in love despite all the years of unrelenting insults and bullying and cruelty his brother throws on him, because he sees the best in his brother and struggles to think that he would actually hate him. In how MCD!Garroth worries and paces holes into the floor as he desperately tries to think of a way to get everyone out alive, and how he frets when Aphmau gets turned into a wolf pup. In how he comes back to apologize earnestly to Laurance and struggles to wrap his head around how Laurance could be in the wrong, too, even if he so obviously is. In how he dedicated his life to the woman that gave him a guard tower, because he’s so immensely grateful for her gifts and occasional kindnesses that he tries to give his life to her in return.In how Garroth saw the way Zenix acted and spoke and behaved, which was rude, crass, insulting, rebellious, rebuking him and challenging him regularly and being difficult and always suggesting unethical or morally shitty alternatives to doing anything (if Rebirth is anything to go by) and it had never occurred to Garroth that he could be a bad person or a jackass or anyone who would betray him.

Which is why I actually really dislike Rebirth!Garroth much more so than MCD!Garroth, because where Garroth is occasionally cold and prideful, Rebirth!Garroth is straight up harsh and angry and resentful and bitter. When I think of Rebirth!Garroth losing Zenix, deadass you’d have to write me an essays worth of proof just to convince me his reaction to losing Zenix wouldn’t be “Oh, thank god. I’m so glad that insufferable brat is gone.” Where MCD!Garroth is tender and soft and redeemable at his worst, Rebirth!Garroth is severely annoyed with everyone and anything and hates his life and doesn’t want to be here and never wants Zenix to speak ever again lmao. Man im FAR from a Garroth fanboy and even I feel like Rebirth butchered my boy.

Garroth is a more lawful character, especially when you contrast him with Laurance, but that doesn’t mean he’s…a stern, no-nonsense, disapproving prude. He redirects their focus when Laurance takes them off track, and he dislikes how inappropriate Laurance behaves when he’s acting like a misogynistic fuckboy and harassing girls who don’t want his advances lmao, but there’s never been a point thus far where he criticizes Laurance’s chaotic or adventurous or playful personality. He doesn’t like him sexually harassing others who feel uncomfortable with his advances, he thinks of it as ungentlemanly of him, but have you noticed that he hasn’t brought that up even once since Laurance’s return from the Nether? Aka, when Laurance dropped the fuckboy act? Laurance still flirts with Aphmau on the regular now, but Garroth doesn’t speak of it as inappropriate anymore. He just gets flustered and jealous, but that’s all. And later on, he even admits to envying and admiring Laurance’s confidence to speak his mind. He admires Laurance’s boldness, just when it’s appropriate and not breaking anyone else’s boundaries. Once Laurance cuts the shit and starts flirting much more respectfully and kindly, he doesn’t mind so much. He’s not mortified by it, because he knows Aphmau is comfortable with it. He sees how he makes her laugh, and he’s grateful for it. He’s just a shy man who struggles to be that confident in his own life and relationships, so he wishes he had some of Laurance’s self-assurance and bravery. Maybe he shows some more disdain for Laurance’s,,,~promiscuity~ (lol) in the future and I just haven’t come across it yet, in which case I’ll correct myself if I do, but like. I’m just saying. We’re 71 episodes in now and he hasn’t talked shit about Laurance’s sexuality yet.

Like, I feel like if canon-accurate Garroth saw Laurance in some like,,,super sexy, revealing leather fit, his reaction would NOOOOOT be prudish shame clutching his pearls with disdain and disgust for how bold and Crude and Outlandish laurance is being. His reaction would be him shyly or nervously not knowing what to say, maybe stuttering, maybe getting flustered, and saying something about how he admires Laurance’s confidence and wishes he could be that cool. Maybe muttering under his breath about how he wonders if he could get Aphmau to look at him like that if he did the same, and then immediately shaking away the idea and shooing it away as quick as it came. Mystreet!Garroth would probably react more with a, “Woooow… Sexy! Hehehe, this’ll win you all the girls for sure!” ((REMINDS YOU LOUDLY OF THE TIME GARROTH CANONICALLY WORE NURSE LINGERIE FOR A COMEDY SKIT LAURANCE WAS FILMING)) At worst, his reaction would be a deadpan, neutral “Wow. Now that’s something you don’t see every day… Why am I not surprised?” but frankly if it were me, I’d give that reaction to Aaron! If you tweaked the dialogue a little, it’d suit Aaron much better than it would suit Garroth. And they’re supposed to contrast each other. Aaron is the stern, cold, “judgy,” deadpan one. Not Garroth. Laurance is adventurous and chaotic, Garroth is orderly and shy and a highly empathetic worrywart with a rare playful side when he’s comfortable (a side that’s completely brought to the focus in Mystreet), and Aaron is the deadpan, mature, wise, no-nonsense serious one that’s blown away by their crazier antics every time. Laurance is clever but not really wise, (MCD)Garroth is…uh. Mainly emotionally intelligent above anything else but not an idiot, responsible but not exactly wise, and Aaron is the wisest one out of all of them but lacks in other areas that the other two fill. ((—that being said, I do see a lot of people adding on Catholic guilt and shame to their versions of rewritten Garroth, and I think that’s cool <3 it suits him, fits in snug with his canon characterization, and in that case giving him more sexual shame and prudeish behavior would be very fitting. sadly im doing everything I can to not cover headcanons though lmao))

He never talks shit about Zenix’s more rude, judgmental, obnoxious, and brash behavior either, by the way. He never talks shit at all about how he used to act and behave, now that I’m thinking back. That’s something that’s entirely new to Rebirth. They cropped that in, that annoyance with Zenix’s behavior didn’t exist before. (it’s because they made Zenix more of a misogynistic creep in rebirth and didn’t want to seem like they were endorsing it lmao, but like. you could’ve easily salvaged their original, close, intimate bond by just. not making Zenix act like a misogynistic creep all the time. and then Garroth would have nothing to be angry about lmao. like that was optional. we could’ve gone without that just fine)

Laurance says, “what he’s most proud of is the people he cares for.” Most proud of the people he cares for… What does that mean? I don’t think he means that in any form of selfish way. I think he means that Garroth invests soooo so so much of himself into other people, to the point of not fully taking care of himself and his own needs. Maybe that’s how Lillian was able to get to him so easily. Because he doesn’t take care of himself first. Everyone else in the world is his priority before he’d invest in his own personal wellbeing. Aphmau is his highest priority above all else, pretty much everything he does is for Aphmau’s sake. He feels cautious and apprehensive about Laurance’s SK transformation because he’s worried for Aphmau’s sake. He stops their bickering for her sake, leaves PD to travel to the arctic for Aphmau’s sake, adopts a son for Aphmau’s sake, it’s in everything he does. So of course he would put himself as the last on his list, of course he would give up his own life for Aphmau’s. Maybe what Lillian was able to convince him of was make him see just how little he does something for himself. Maybe he was simply just…wounded, plain and simple, by Aphmau and Laurance getting together, no further resentment or vehement rage, maybe he felt betrayed that they progressed their relationship so much behind his back, despite how present he was in this three-way rivalry situation they have going on, despite Laurance knowing how much it all meant to him. He found them kissing in the woods, confirming a relationship. He saw them staying together at night and keeping secrets and growing all the more close and intimate, and meanwhile Laurance never told him a word, when he was so certain that he trusted he would. He was part of this strange, three-way waiting game, and surely it looked exactly like all of a sudden he’d been booted out of the group dynamic with zero explanation, like getting kicked out of your best friend’s group chat, and they start drawing away from you and ghosting you and never think to tell you why. That would make him feel wounded and betrayed, and if his heart is as big as Laurance says, if he invests soooooo so so so fucking much of his extremely loving heart into his relationships, suddenly getting kicked out by your dearest friends and isolated would feel horrible. And Garroth likely didn’t understand why they would do something like that, and it’s not like they’re communicating with him the answer lmao, they’re not even aware that he’s upset!! They just think he caught the flu!!! And Laurance assumes that’s why he’s upset, because he’s sick!!! Perhaps that makes it even more insulting, that it doesn’t occur to them that anything would be wrong. Of course they wouldn’t even notice that he’s gone. And when they do notice his absence, they STILL don’t acknowledge getting together or what they’ve actually done, it doesn’t occur to them at all that he’d be upset about them leaving him behind. I can see why he’d be angry. Garroth thinks he’s been abandoned, this sensitive and already very reserved and bad-at-talking-about-his-feelings man who struggles so much to feel like he deserves to be loved, he assumes they don’t want him as their intimate companion anymore and shuts himself away from the world from how horribly his heart is broken—and that’s when Lillian meets him.

Maybe Lillian puts the idea in his head that this was an intentional move on Aphmau and Laurance’s part, that they were excluding him on purpose, because they don’t like him anymore. Because Laurance betrayed their entire previous bond and agreement and competition not by finally “getting the girl,” but by never telling Garroth and silently booting him out of the group by keeping Aphmau all to himself and abandoning Garroth, never even telling him or communicating with him or checking on him to see if he’s okay with everything going on, or letting him know the news of what’s been going on and checking how he feels with it all. Instead of handling it with the kind of equal respect and open, honest communication and,,,frankly, love and close intimacy, that they were treating each other with before, he feels like Laurance just… swooped in, took his prize, and both he and Aphmau completely dropped Garroth, both as a lover but as their friend, when he was no longer relevant to them anymore.

Maybe Lillian reminds him of how little he does anything for himself. Maybe she shows him how much he did for them and how much he loved them both, and told him how little they love him in return, and such a revelation would be crushing for a heart like his. And poor, wounded, isolated, naive Garroth believed her, because the damage had been done, and then anger brewed. Anger that made him stubborn, anger that made him want to close off his heart in an extremely volatile way. I wonder if Lillian had never been part of the equation after the initial illusion, he still would’ve shut himself away from the outside world for a few days, but maybe he wouldve been less angry, as he would’ve had more time. Maybe like the apology he gave Laurance in the manor when they were fighting, he would eventually cave to his heart and come out, reach out to Laurance, assuming he already knew everything that was going on, and beg him to simply talk to him and explain why he doesn’t want him around anymore—only for Laurance to immediately correct him and insist no no no no, why would you ever think that? you and Aphmau are the most special and dearest people in the world to me, why would you ever think I don’t want you around anymore? And then they’d figure out that there was an illusion, Aphmau and Laurance would explain the whole secret amulet nightmare hell they’ve been tangling with lately, apologize profusely for accidentally making Garroth feel like he was worthless by keeping him out of the loop with all of that, and they’d clear it all up and have a good cry and everything would be happy hunky-dory and they go beat Zane’s ass.

I think Lillian’s influence is what brought out, seeded, and festered Garroth’s anger. The heartbreak was the unfortunate coincidence of two things colliding, Laurance and Aphmau accidentally drawing away by keeping secrets and Garroth distancing himself like the reserved and shy/uncertain man he always is, and the illusion Lillian planted to make Garroth think Laurmau getting together was why. And not what it really was, which was like… crazy espionage death threat spy bullshit making them grow more private and secretive than before. And in reality, Aphmau and Laurance still really deeply loved Garroth during all of that and were really really worried about him when he withdrew and locked himself away to cry in his bedroom for 42 hours (which is a reasonable response). Maybe if Lillian hadn’t been there, when Aphmau came to check on him and try to speak to him and just…letting him know that they miss him and they’re here for him whenever he’s ready to come out, maybe he would have actually gotten up and answered the door and spoken to her then, and they would’ve worked things out.

I can’t help but think about how Garroth probably was raised to believe that he was unloveable, growing up. Especially if everything Zane tells him in all/both universes is anything to go by. He did say that Zane started copying and learning from his father’s terrible behavior, once Garte started turning more corrupt. Perhaps they made him believe that no one would ever want to love someone as stupid, naive, gullible, useless, incompetent, foolish, bumbling, childish, oversensitive, dramatic, emotional, soft, and weak as him (based on how Zane insults him). So when Lillian and Zane come in while he’s vulnerable, while he feels heartbroken and betrayed and isolated and abandoned, and he doesn’t know why, and he can’t understand this difference in their behavior, they swoop in and whisper in his ear the idea that all the things the cruel voice in his head says to him is true, that it’s always been true that no one would ever love him, and only now, now that Aphmau and Laurance have left his worthless heart behind, can he see the truth. But not to fear, because Zane sees his potential for what it truly is. Zane’s always been right about him, he knows his brother better than anyone else, and no matter how far he tries to run, Zane will always find him, and be here for him. See, Zane has a place for him. Lady Aphmau may not want him anymore, but Zane does. His family wants him. They have a purpose for him, a way for him to mean something, a home he can never run away from, a home that will hold him, even if their hands are cold and their hearth is even colder, even if it’s nothing like what he really wanted—but what he wanted out of love and life and family was impossible to achieve, now was it? Nothing but the stupid, silly, childish dreams of a bumbling, foolish man that made up a fantasy that could never happen in the first place. His family will always be here, behind him. Waiting for him. Pulling him back. His family will always be the only thing that’s true.

So he comes back. He drops his home at Phoenix Drop, he returns to Zane’s side, and he joins the Jury of Nine. In his despair, he lets go of the new family he’d made, his children, his loved ones, his home, the town he raised Zenix in, the friends he’d made, the memories he’d made over the years, everything he’d ever cared for and needed and valued most above all else, he throws it all away and it kills him on the inside, but he burns with anger for how he was betrayed. Much like Aaron’s poor handling of his own grief turning into anger that pushes everyone else away, he pushes everything away, isolates himself even further, continues to spiral down this lonely pit of utter self-destruction, because he believes every word Zane tells him. He’s furious, he’s grieving, he’s depending on Zane as his only direction left, the only family and home and love he could ever have left, like a dog licking for love off of knives. Not because he doesn’t actually give much of a shit about Laurance and Aphmau, but because he loves them so fucking much. Because he can’t imagine any other life without them, and he’s furious that they burned that to shreds in front of his eyes, because goddamn it they were all he had. He’s angry that they didn’t seem to love him as much as he loved them, and now he has to settle for his worst nightmare, because his executioners and abusers are the only ones who actually want him in their grasp. And if no one else will hold him, then he might as well settle for the embrace of his killers. And that’s horrible, that’s unfair, that’s unjust, that’s wrong, but it’s all he has now. And that’s why the moment Laurance starts confronting him like he cares about him, starts breaking down the manipulation Lillian and Zane fed to him and indirectly proving to him that, oh, wait, they do care about him, wait, they do want him back and in their lives, and he realizes the mistake he’s made.

And that’s why he immediately turns on Zane and starts fighting him instead, dedicating the rest of his life to undoing the damage he’s done by saving his loved ones and fending off Zane. The real reason why Laurance gets through to him, and why he feels like he needs to sacrifice his life for them, and why he finally fucking tells Aphmau how much he loves her. And oh, god, how much that means for him to say.

Ok i’ll flesh out the details of that and work that into something way more closely aligned with canon when we actually get to those scenes, but like. i need you guys to realize something lol. I went on this journey to better understand the relationship dynamics of Garmau, Garrance, and Laurmau so I’d feel more comfortable rewriting my MCD rewrite fic to include more of them, yes, but I also went on this journey purely just to convince myself to actually like MCD Garroth Ro’meave. Before this point, with this Laurance screenshot forcing me to rethink everything, I was a bigtime MCD!Garroth hater. I have despised him up to this point. And all of that just changed my mind completely. I chained myself by the wrists to forcibly hold myself in Garroth Appreciation Purgatory until I reconsidered how I felt about him and Understood why MCD!Garroth was so widely beloved by the community. Until I knew every way he ticked and every way he thought and everything he ever felt, in hopes of convincing myself to appreciate him too, and my plan has succeeded. I have switched sides. I am a Garroth fanboy now. I get it now. I Understand him. I can finally unlock my chains and frolic here freely from this point onwards. I have learned to love my domesticated dog-coded boy who definitely listens to too much fuckin mitski. I get it now. you have no idea how much fucking work I’ve been doing to stay as impartial and nice and respectful with his character as possible lmao, I have had to step back and take breaks from how angry he was making me and now I am free. now i am. liberated. now i am. homosexual

No but genuinely I thought he only betrayed them because he was a bitchy jackass manchild crying over losing the dumbass game he’d literally been agreeing to play this entire time, but he didn’t end up having the emotional maturity or the balls to handle actually “losing.” guys I thought he was just a misogynistic possessive piece of shit crying over literally nothing of meaningful value and actively, spitefully, pettily choosing to burn it all to the ground, despite the mounds of logical evidence against his entire argument. i thought he was a fucking asshole this entire time. thats why I kept insisting he was a bitch and a prideful piece of shit. now I need to rethink everything. Disregard (almost) everything critical or deprecating i have said about Garroth Ro’meave before this point, I am wiping the slate clean, I am starting over with new lenses, and I will do my boy better proper justice now, i. i need to reassess everything now. goddamn it

I would like to return to a previous question I proposed about “How does Garroth feel about Aphmau exactly?” And answer part of it. And it’s the question I posed of, “is he truly more of a servant at his core, a loyal and domesticated obedient dog to those he idolizes and loves dearly? or does he harbor a dark side underneath, of the cruel and corrupt king that’s run by his pride, who wishes to possess and own all things as he desires and is petty and backhanded and cold?” And now that I see him more clearly—the answers entirely and absolutely the former. He is a servant. He is desperately begging for affection wherever he can get it, as silently as he can. If he has any Evil King bone in his body, there’s only like. one of them, and it’s outvoted every time by the hoard of other bones in his body that would cry if he accidentally stepped on his dog’s paw. The latter is a cool idea for an au, the former is closest to canon. In my opinion. My ever-shifting and evolving opinion.

When Garroth is upset and heartbroken, he listens to mitski. When Laurance is upset and heartbroken, he listens to The Neighborhood. I don’t know what Aaron listens to, but I feel like he’d listen to something from the old era of rock. But I’m not familiar with that genre at all, so old rock fans will have to fill in the gaps for me there

I know I said I’d go until the image limit, but oh my god I’ve written so much and I think I have at least 11 or 10ish more images/scenes to go. I’m so fkin tired. believe it or not I do in fact have a yapping capacity LOL

Before I fuck off to continue in a part 3, I want to leave you guys with just a fun little factoid of semi-canon information:

Garroth’s a lot like Fluttershy, Laurance is a lot like Rainbow Dash, and Dante is like Applejack, in Jess’s mind. Now, mind you, I have much more complicated opinions on what pony Aphmau is most like that im still working out, and personally I feel like it’s stupid and inane to only pick her pony based entirely and only off of the idea of “is it purple” and I feel like after reading all of this you would be able to tell exactly why im the kind of person who doesn’t like basic, surface-level character choices LOL, but atm im fighting somewhere between “aphmau is a LOOOOT like pinkie pie in personality” vs “oh but MCD!Aphmau specifically and uniquely shares a lot of the leadership and anxiety and some minute character details that Twilight Sparkle has, plus twi is purple” vs “I should examine the side/supporting/background cast of MLP:FiM to search for The Perfect Match for Aphmau because none of the mane 6 quite fit her perfectly exactly” so yaknow. it’s whatever. Rarity isn’t even an option I would consider for Aphmau. Rarity is Cadenza, Cadenza is Rarity, and that’s that lmao. Garroth = Fluttershy and Laurance = Rainbow Dash and Garrance = Flutterdash, and im very happy with that

But Zane is Princess Luna. Zane is in every conceivable way an exact replica of Princess Luna. Zane is Luna. End of story

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