#And all my other top posts are emotional rambling

[izzy-b-hands]

Izzy Hands cosplay is far from perfect (my grey hairs are still too few and don't show well, and I need actual leathers someday that eventually I'm gonna be able to save for dang it) but! It is v comfy and it's nice to dress up for the holiday

Bonus Izzy pumpkin that Housemate helped me carve bc they Get It re: characters that live in your bones after the first time you see them and when something frustrating/sad/etc happens to them. They helped get the lil tattoo looking much better!

[submattenthusiast]

corruption loser!virgin!matt

you've gotten head from plenty of other dudes before, with only fans being your side hustle and all. you weren't completely broke, but not at the best place financially so why not? the money was good, and your partners were fine, it was a win/win. not much else to say about it honestly, they gave you head, made you cum eventually and then video was done and posted. the money came rolling in. simple. until now, until you met the boy your fellow industry friend introduced to you, matt. you learned that only fans wasn't his website of choice, he preferred to use twitter for more anonymity. his page was filled with the dirtiest audios, pictures and videos you could think of. the only thing he didn't post was his face. leaving it up to his viewers imaginations.

for once in your life you were nervous to film with someone, it was something about matt that was different. in a good way though. you still didn't know what he looked like, and you were letting him in your house and filming porn with him. you weren't a virgin but it felt like your first time all over again. the soft knocking took you away from your thoughts, three taps against the door. it was the code you and him made up over the phone while planning to film. you took a deep breath before opening the wide door, you opened your mouth to greet the boy but the words failed to form properly. he was gorgeous, the brunette hair that covered his forehead, the black frames that covered his baby blue eyes, the slight stubble adorning his lower face, the prominent nose that fit his face perfectly and his breathtaking smile, the pearly whites and perfectly straight teeth. with a simple and easy to take off outfit to top it all off. "hi i'm matt" he smiled shyly.

picking your jaw up off the floor you nodded and welcomed him in, returning his kind smile eventually. he followed behind you quietly, you pointed him towards your filming couch ushering him to sit and get comfortable "make yourself at home matt, i'll get the camera and stuff" you began to turn towards your bedroom before getting stopped. "wa-wait" matt cleared his throat. spinning your body around, you raise a brow at the sudden interruption. nerves eating you up inside as you saunter over toward the awkwardly sat boy. "something wrong?"

usually pale cheeks dusting a light pink as he looked down at his interesting nails. he whispered "i-i'm a virgin..i haven't done anything sexual but the stuff on my page, i'm sorry um i don't know why i didn't tell you but i was hoping we could work something out.. maybe i don't know" he ramble-confessed. you fought to keep your emotions in check while he spewed out his secrets, trying to keep your jaw shut as he told you he was a virgin. the dirty image he paints of himself on the internet was a story, he was just insanely good at pretending. you should be upset a little, right? you were here to film some type of porn and your partner had no experience with women at all. you felt the complete opposite, it made your stomach flip actually.

"are you mad.. i''m sorry i can leave and we don't have to-". "NO... no no don't leave" you interrupted. quite obnoxiously but, you couldn't let him leave; couldn't let him stay innocent. you wanted to slowly but surely ruin him, if he lets you. looking up at you through the clear lenses, matt smiles slightly. placing a hand on his shaking thigh you comfort the clearly nervous boy. "it's alright okay, nothing to be ashamed of i still want to film with you and i don't want you to leave" you reassure him, giving soft pats to his thigh. with a hesitant nod matt agrees, but not without once last question. "so um what are we gonna film?"

fiddling nervously with your waistband of your lace panties, you told the innocent looking boy your idea. "i want you to eat me out" you purr, biting down innocently on your plump lip. his eyes met yours with concern, slightly raising his eyebrow. he looked unsure of himself and his ability to fulfill your needs. "oh..um i've only seen it in videos i haven't really tried it before.." he stuttered. you coo at his honesty. it was so cute. "do you want to do something else then?" you ask, praying he would say no. he shook his head instantly, "no no i want to, please, i want to learn a-and be like the other guys you film with"

you were ready to film now. the camera focused, lighting right, angle perfect. matt sat patiently as you prepared everything. "do you want your face in the video?" you questioned, respectfully. "yes... but i want the glasses to stay on if that's alright with you..?" he responded, playing with his fingers. you chuckled at his bold but shy attitude about the situation. "it's gonna be a bit hard to give head with them but we'll make it work"

you slid the remaining fabric down your thighs, giving matt a strip tease out of frame. he blushed at your actions, and tried to be a gentleman and look away but his eyes betrayed him. you smirked and set the timer on the camera to thirty seconds. you laid on the couch on full display, your pretty pussy on display for the camera and matt. he watched in awe as you revealed yourself to him, spreading your legs wide enough for him to squeeze in. he scrambled off the end of the seat to get on his knees for you. he nervously gripped the surface under him as he leaned in closer. you watched his face for any sign of displeasure. sensing none, you smiled. enclosing him in your legs. "can i grab your hair?" you asked just before the timer ran out. still fascinated by your wet folds he nods, "you can do whatever you want to me"

after messing around with his soft hair, you found his sweet spot, and held a nice grip on the locs. with that grip you guided his face closer to your pussy, knowing he needs that push. "show me what you see in the videos hm, but start slow". matt opened his mouth for you, letting his tongue glide over his bottom lip before kitten licking your clit. surprisingly, it usually took a couple tries for men to find it. your grip tightened a little at the sudden coldness. matt looked up at you in confusion, thinking he had done something wrong. "did that hurt?" he wondered out loud.

you sat up and rested on your elbows at the sudden concern coming from him. essentially loosening your hold. "no no, it felt good that's why i pulled, okay? i might do that a lot" his eyes lit up and he smiled at the praise. "really?". "really matt" you smile. "let's get back to it". he agreed and changed his position a little, wrapping a hand around your thigh and resting his other on your bare stomach. just like the videos, you assumed. speaking of videos, you'd have to edit this out of yours.

matt's eyes never left yours as he resumed his actions, but with a new pace. not super fast, but flicking his tongue with a brisk speed. kitten licks abandoned. still focused on your needy bean. a new confidence was gained from your previous praise. a repeated moan of his name fell from your lips with ease. nothing forced, not for the camera, but his tongue was talented, you tugged at his hair with force as he worked on your clit. shamelessly he let out a whine of pleasure, eyes fluttering in pure enjoyment.

the black frames dug into your inner thighs bruisingly as you unconsciously pulled him deeper into you. "now use your fingers to spread my folds, kay?, can't only stay on m' clit" you instruct breathlessly. matt nodded and focused his tongue on your dripping folds. slender fingers giving him full access to all of you. flattening his tongue, he started at your clit and moved down to your hole, giving you a long and slow lick. your taste spreading all over his mouth and tongue. "like that..?" he mumbled, pausing momentarily. you nod immediately, "yes just like that, do that again" you groan.

repeating his previous actions, like you said, he licked every inch of your now sopping pussy. you throw your head back in bliss as he continued to eat you out. you weren't the only one feeling bliss as the couch shook slightly under you as he began to rut his hips against it. your pussy swallowed his moans and whines as they fell from his coated lips. once more itch needed to be scratched for you to even get close to an orgasm. you needed to feel something inside your walls. fingering would be to complex for the already hesitant boy, and his tongue was already there. you pulled his hair to angle him to be looking at you, keeping the eye contact you had matt obediently looked up. "i need a little more, you're gonna use your tongue inside me okay?" you coo, moving the hair from his forehead. "yes please, i need to taste more of you" he pleaded, eager to taste you again.

he glides his tongue around the hole, teasing you unintentionally, nerves getting the best of him. "just go slow, you'll get the hang of it," you reassure. getting over himself, matt began to wiggle his tongue inside your warm walls. the muscle stretched you open with little struggle, the saliva and arousal helping him slide in. "good boy, now start moving in and out" you praise. following your instructions he pulled out almost fully before plunging his tongue back into your warmth. "does it feel good... am i doing it right?" he asked, unsure of your feelings due to your silence. "so good, keep going until i say so alright?"

matt was listening so well, all he wanted to do was please you, and hopefully make you cum. he was still mindlessly fucking you with his tongue and sneakily grinding his boner against the couch. his eyes shut as he got the hang of giving head. "i'm getting close.. ne-need you to play with my clit—" you whine, his mouth was so talented. "with my mouth or fingers" he said, catching his breath. "your mouth— use everything i taught you to make me cum", "yes yes ma'am i'm gonna make you cum" he repeated, adjusting his crooked glasses.

glasses began to fog up from the passion he had for your pussy. he dove right back in once you gave him the signal. your hands never let up on his messy hair. loud slurps echoed with your moans throughout the room. the camera long forgotten about by now, you weren't even thinking about the money this would make you, the bills it would pay, the things you could buy like you usually did. all that filled your mind was the boy between your thighs. your thighs clenched and your stomach tingled as his tongue swirled around your clit, feeling your orgasm running at you.

"you're doing so fucking good, make me cum, i know you can" you groan, back arching perfectly. he whined at the praise, but nodded, eager to hear the high pitched moans that came out of you when you got to that high point. with a few kitten licks and one strong lick you were falling apart all over his face. without warning. the feeling in your stomach reached it's peak. your legs spasmed, hands fell from his tangled locs, jaw went slack from the continuous moans, head shot back as he brought you to a mind-blowing orgasm. your slick cum coated his tongue and lower face. matt lapped up every inch, his mouth never left you. slurping and sucking up every drop of cum that came out of you. milking you dry.

"matt fuck stop" you wince. upon hearing the words top leave your lips he froze, thinking he hurt you or something. his hips stopped thrusting, and he let you go completely. pushing his glasses up on his forehead he gave you puppy eyes. "i-i'm sorry you just tasted so good did i hurt you" he frowned. you pouted at his frantic apologies and concern, he was so perfect and sweet. you weakly smiled, "just sensitive". "oh okay um..did i do good?" he asked, cuddling up with your thigh.

"better than good, you sure it was your first?"

a/n - i left this on a cliffhanger for a reason! don't tell anyone.

[bamboobooshark]

IM BEGGING FOR A LOGAN X FEM READER WHO CAN TURN INVISIBLE BUT WHEN SHES NERVOUS OR FLUSTERED SHE DISAPPEARS INVOLUNTARILY essentially it’s just logan flustering reader till she disappears??? (mostly fluff but also suggestive/smut end)

LOGAN HOWLETT X F!READER

˖⁺‧₊˚ ㅤ⚜️ 𝜚 SHY AWAY : 1.3K WRDS

<RATING: PG-13, FLIRTING, SOME LANGUAGE, KISSING>

A/N : Soooo as far as “suggestive/smut” end goes, the most you’re getting is some mild flirting and kissing. I do have my age in my bio and my pinned; I am a minor! Sorry to disappoint anyone, but I doubt it would be socially acceptable for me to write anything too suggestive. Post writing note; I made this way longer than I intended to OOOOOPS !!Warning: Detailed kissing and use of pet names!!

Out of all the mutations the universe could’ve graced you with, you were damned with involuntary invisibility. Sometimes it could come in hand when you’re about to be harmed. You have a sixth sense of fear, and any time it kicks in, you go invisible. That sixth sense has saved your life a handful of times, to be fair. However, the past month has been hell for you. You met a fellow mutant through your friend Rogue. Logan Howlett is his name. You’re so envious of his mutation. Built in claws that aid him in being up front and in the enemies’ faces rather than hiding away in plain sight.

 

You sheepishly walk over to Logan, already nervous that he’ll cause a sudden disappearance. He’s lounging in one of the chairs within the common room. One of his legs crosses on top of the other. Rogue is sitting on the couch across from him, reading some romance book that she’s been telling you all about. She glances up at you, and before she can speak, you give her a face, begging her not to speak. She looked back down at her book without another gesture. 

Logan takes another drag of his cigar while leaning back a bit in the recliner. You walk in front of him and sit next to Rogue with a light smile on your lips. “Heya, girl! What brings you down here?” she asks as she gives you a quick hug. You hug her back and shrug. “Not much. Just missed you and Logan,” you say casually, subtly trying to catch Logan’s attention. It works, and he shoots you his iconic look with one eyebrow raised in slight confusion. He takes his cigar out of his mouth between his pointer and middle, causing you to shiver slightly at the sight. “Missed me? Why the hell would you miss me, doll? I’m nothin’ special,” he tells you as his expression becomes more relaxed.

You feel your heart flutter and your mind fill with anxiety of you going invisible. You try your best to keep yourself together before replying to him. You tug at the neck of your shirt and bit and attempt to get comfortable. “Well, I just like being around you. You seem pretty comfortable around me, and you’ve been nothing but welcoming since Marie introduced me to you.” You ramble while trying your best to maintain eye contact with Logan, but ultimately end up looking in his direction instead. He raises his eyebrows and shrugs slightly in response. “Alright. Thanks for checkin’ on us then, princess,” he says with a soft smile. Damn, that does it for you. Your cheeks feel like fire before you go invisible. You quietly hold in an annoyed and embarrassed groan. You look to your side and see Marie looking down at her book in attempts to hide her snickering and smiling at the situation. You roll your eyes before you glance over at Logan. His lips are slightly parted, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Kid, am I crazy or did your friend just disappear?” he asks with slight concern. Marie lets out a few strangled laughs before wiping stray tears from her eyes. “Yeah. That happens sometimes,” she huffs out. Her eyes point in your direction before she smirks mischievously. “Usually when she’s really flustered. But it happens when she’s feeling some strong emotions too. I’m sure it’s the first case though,” she says to Logan before going back to her book.

Logan nods in understanding before taking another drag of his cigar. He keeps it between his lips this time.

Soon enough, you fade back into sight, and Logan immediately gazes at you. “Welcome back,” he murmurs against his cigar. You smile idiotically at him and nod your head to let him know you heard him. Marie looks at you and nudges your elbow, encouraging you to say more. You subtly shake your head no, but gain a knowing look from her in response. You bite at the inside of your cheek in anticipation for what she’s about to do. She stretches and lets out a bit of a groan before getting up on her feet. “I think I’ll be heading to my room now. I might hit the hay soon,” she tells the two of you before walking off.

Logan’s gaze lingers on you, and he smirks at you. Your cheeks began to heat again. The chair squeaks as he gets up and walks over to you. One of his hands goes to slip a thumb through his jeans’ belt loop. The other reaches for his cigar and falls to his side. He stands in front of you, looking down at you with a soft smile. “I don’t bite, baby girl. I know the huge metal claws could be a bit intimidating, but I swear I’d never hurt ya’. Alright?” he asks sweetly as his hand moves from his belt loop to your shoulder. He gently rubs his thumb against it while awaiting your response. You sit there for a few seconds in shock. You haven’t disappeared yet, but you wish you could right now. Your flesh is burning up so much that you’re sure Logan can feel it through your clothes. He leans in close to your face, his pupils right on yours, causing you to look away. “Hey. Look at me,” he asks gently while waiting for your eyes to meet his again. When you sink into yourself, Logan grunts, puts out his cigar, and uses his hand to hold your cheek in his palm. You involuntarily lean against the calloused skin, causing him to chuckle. In fear of him pulling away because of your defiance, you decide to look at him again. “That’s it,” he murmurs. You let out a quiet whine at his praises, and it does nothing but fuel the fire in Logan’s chest. You let yourself relax, your eyelids feeling a little heavy, your chest rising in falling shallowly. You’re not sure if you’re seeing right though when you see him lean in. His breath is strong with the scent of cigar smoke, but you ignore it the best you can. You’ve been waiting for this since you’ve met him. Both of you slowly close your eyes as his lips press to yours. You immediately go invisible, but that doesn’t mean you’re not physically there. Logan’s hand that was previously on your shoulder moves to cup your other cheek. His hand doesn’t miss your face. Fuck, it’s like he spends so much time looking at you that he has your entire figure mapped out in his head. You wouldn’t be too surprised if he genuinely did. He slightly leans more against you, your head and back pressing against the fabric of the couch. You can feel his legs shift between yours as he attempts to get as close as he can to you. The two of you unwind with each other. Your mouth opens for him, and he kisses you deeper. You breathe into each other, finding a good rhythm that keeps the two of you connected for longer than anticipated. But when you finally pull back, you are panting like a dehydrated dog. Your mouth goes dry as you realize you’ve been invisible since Logan started kissing you. He chuckles softly, his head hanging down in front of you. He catches his breath while attempting to look back up at you. His thumbs caress your cheeks before he leans in near your ear. “I know I can’t see you, doll, but I know you look so damn pretty and wide-eyed right now,” he mutters to you, causing your hands to clasp over your mouth to muffle your gasp.

[cvntluver444]

i’m your girl - ellie williams

ellie 📸 creds - s9ession on pinterest (and tiktok)

ellie williams x reader, slight!abby x reader

₊* summary : after catching your girlfriend cheating on you, your best friend ellie offers a little more than some much needed quality time together.

₊* warnings : smut minors dni, language, cheating, dom!ellie 🤭 sub!reader, light spanking, abby and ellie tensionnnn, slight ellie x cat, reader uses she/her pronouns, intended lowercase, bad writing, not proof read. if i miss any please let me know!! 🤍

₊* a/n : EEEEK hi everyone! this is my FIRST EVER FIC! don’t be fooled though, i’ve been apart of this lovely community for years and have loved reading all of your lovely works!! i really wanted to try and give this a shot because im a hoe and i have some crazy thoughts that i think need to be shared (this one really isn’t crazy this is like the third thing i’ve written so we are going to ease into it 🫡)

anyways i am so excited to share my first fic! it would mean the world if you guys left some positive feedback or constructive criticism so i know how to grow!! i’m also looking for new friends since i don’t post on here so if you want to be friends hmu 😋 i love you all!! again i hope beauties enjoy!!

🇵🇸 as always, please keep spreading information and support for Palestine! 🇵🇸

▹ daily click

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

walking back from a study sesh, your bubbly laugh fills the halls of dorm as your best friend her story of a disastrous hookup.

“oh my god, ellie. that would happen to you,” you huff out, trying hard to calm yourself down. ellie chuckles while smiling down at you. “i can’t believe cat said a different name!” you couldn’t stop you laughter as ellie explained the awkward interacting with cat. your laugh was her favorite sound in the whole world, which is why she always loved to tweak her stories just a bit. she knew just about everything about you, so of course she knew what made you come undone in a fit a laughter. so maybe cat didn’t actually say someone else’s name. maybe ellie said someone else’s name. maybe she said your name. but you don’t have to know that.

“yeah ya know” she shrugs a bit and pauses. “maybe she just isn’t right for me,” ellie shrugs nonchalantly. “anyways, is abby gonna be in the room?” ellie questions.

“yeah hope that’s okay with you, i didn’t tell her we were coming back so early so she will probably just be in our room and out somewhere,” you explain, as you reached for your dorm room keys. living with your girlfriend in the same dorm room would have some calling you a bit risky, but you never had any doubts with your relationship with abby. you’ve been together for a year now, you trusted her, she treated you good, and you were even kind of starting to picture your life together. however; that daydream becomes a distant afterthought as soon as you open the door of your dorm room. in front of you is your, now ex-girlfriend, naked and on top of none other than the infamous cat who ellie has talked your ear off about.

“what the fuck” you whisper out, your voice coming out raspy as your eyes quickly start swelling up with tears and your throat swells up. abby and cats giggles soon turn into gasps and their heads fly towards your direction. you feel ellie come to your side and put her arm on your back. “why don’t we just step outside quick, baby,” ellie sadly begs you, her voice full of sympathy, but also anger. how could anyone take advantage of such a beautiful girl. her gaze lands right on a worries looking abby who is rushing to put her clothes back on.

“baby no wait look please just give me a sec let me explain it’s not what it looks like,” abby rambles out a bullshit story but you can’t hear anything around you. your tears now rapidly falling.

“what- what- what the fu-fuck abby!” at this point, you can’t control any emotions. it’s impossible to try and stop any tears now. you’re defeated, hurt, and feeling betrayed. you quickly spew out a few choice words at the two girls rushing to get dressed, but slowly relax and fall into the tall body next to you. she gently grabs your arm and drags you out the door, whispering apologizes and begging for you to focus on her as you still throw some daggers at abby. finally clothed, abby forgets all about the girl she was just fingers deep in and rushes out the door towards you.

“hey hey hey please just wait please” abby calls your name as ellie continues to guide you towards her dorm. you can’t even look at her as you continue to cuddle into ellie, who’s arm is gently placed around your figure, shielding you from your panicking ex.

“just fuck off abby you’ve done enough give her some space” ellie turns to yell towards the blonde who’s still right on your tail.

“you can shut the fuck up and stay out of this williams” abby barks back. “this is between me and her, and the last time i checked, she wasn’t your girlfriend.” ellie’s hearts cracks a little at the sentence, wanting none other to call you hers.

“well after the way you just cheated on her, i don’t think she will be yours very soon either,” ellie smirks. abby and ellie get pretty angry pretty fast, spewing out nasty things about each other and who can treat you the best. you were going to go insane. all you wanted to do in this moment was cry.

“ellie?” suddenly, ellie stops at the soft voice that just called her name. she saw you, teary-eyed, staring at her with the most heartbroken look on her face. her eyes softened and jaw unclenched. her heart broke at the sight of you, but still could not get over the fact that you still looked angelic. “can we please go?” you didn’t even have to ask ellie twice. she nodded her head and gave you a quiet ‘of course’ with a sympathetic smile on her face, but didn’t leave without staring the girl in front of her down. she then turned towards you and flung her arms over your shoulder. leaning her head on yours, you two walked together back to ellie’s room.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

the usual 5-minute walk back to ellie’s dorm felt like hours as it become harder and harder to hold back your tears. ellie didn’t speak one word to you, she understood that all you wanted in this moment was to be silent, knowing that if you opened your mouth once, you would burst out into tears again.

as you two reached her room, she gave a soft “hold on baby” and slowly released her grip on yours so she could unlock her door. you two entered an empty room thanks to dina, ellie’s roommate, visiting jesse at his campus. as much as you loved dina, you were so thankful you could just be alone with your best friend and cry. as soon as you heard ellie shut the door, it was exactly what you did.

as soon as she heard your heartbreaking sobs, ellie quickly rushed over to your side and engulfing you with her toned arms. she shushed you quickly and rocked back and forth, doing everything in her power to try and somehow make your beautiful face smile again.

“i can’t fucking believe her” you finally speak up after several minutes of silence and sniffles. ellie looks over at you, startled after not hearing your voice in a while. “we were together for over a year, we were literally living together in the same fucking room, like, where does she think i’m gonna go now? i’m not living there anymore i fucking hate her!” your sadness has now turned into rage and your slowly growing louder as your rant goes on.

“hey hey hey,” ellie tried to calm you down. “don’t worry about all that now, okay baby? you’re gonna stay with me, and you me and dina are gonna have a big slumber party and have pillow fights and make cookies and talk about boys.” ellie’s joke works miracles and brings a small smile on your face and a little giggle reaches ellie’s ears.

“there she is,” ellie smiles. “i missed that beautiful laugh.” you can’t help but get a little flustered at her comment. now that you were done with abby, your relationship was quickly forgotten when you remembered just how much you were in love with ellie before. you always thought she was so beautiful, and of course she always treated you like a princess.

when you finally worked up enough courage to speak, a quiet “i’m sorry, ellie” left your lips.

“what are you apologizing for baby?” ellie asks you with a confused look on her face. in the moment of catch your girlfriend fucking another girl, you totally forgot all about your own best friend and her crush, and how she was probably going through the same emotions as you right now.

“i’ve been being so selfish. i’ve only been thinking about me and my relationship that i completely forgot about your obsession with cat” you sadly smile and give her an apologetic look. you remembered all the times that ellie would gush about cat with you

“cats skirt looks so good” ellie seductively says to you while you grab your things out of your locker. you glance over to where cat was talking to two other friends at a locker bay across from the two of you. it is pretty cute you thought to yourself. you frown looking down at yours. just a plain boring white skirt.

or that one time when you two were putting off studying in your deserted dorm room

“wait stop scrolling! there! yes! let’s watch that one.” you questioned her on her choice because it was your favorite movie too and you didn’t think she would ever like it, considering she laughed in your face when you told her about it. “oh um i know yo- um it’s cats favorite movie.” ellie saves herself from almost admitting to you that she may have done a little too much stalking that night and found out a couple of your favorite things.

or the night of the frat party, the night ellie’s compliment to cat broke your heart so much, you’d call it one of the worst nights of your life.

“ok now my turn stop hogging,” you giggle at ellie and she shoves you away from the blunt. she finally hands it over and take a hit. you look around at the view of campus from on top of the frat house. “it’s sooo pretty up here, els.” you giggle as you blow the smoke out. ellie chuckles with you and you two burst into laughing. “oh my god how high are we,” you squeak out “ellie look and tell me how red my eyes are.” you’re suddenly staring straight at ellie, and in her haze she lets out a small ‘woah’.

“i uh i mean uh-“ she stutters out as you question what she meant and furrowed your brows. “i mean i was just looking into your eyes and thinking about cat,” she spews out “you know she just has eyes just like yours,” your small smile falls suddenly and confused brows now turn downwards. “uh yeah cats eyes you know they’re like a beautiful uh” while ellie tries to think, she then stares at you again and describes your eyes. cat has eyes like mine? i could’ve sworn they were different. your cloudy mind is not sober enough to realize what’s actually happening, instead your heart breaks even more, thinking that ellie has probably stared into cats eyes so many times she’s pinpointed every detail about them. once you two tossed out the blunt over the roof, you headed back downstairs together. still hurt with ellie’s rambles, you quickly get away from her as soon as your in the clear, leading you to meet abby. why is the worst time if it led you to meet your girlfriend? well, before the cheating, you would’ve had no idea why.

ellie’s hand in front of your face brings you back to reality, which is not fun. ellie is still sitting next to you on the couch and you have to ask her to repeat what she said.

“i was asking what you were apologizing for, baby. you were the one that got cheated on, not me.” ellie chuckles, but slowly realizes what she said. she see your eyes drop down again and the sadness returns to your face. while she’s quickly trying to come up with something to say to save herself, she stops when you stand upnn

“is it ok if i go use your bathroom real quick?” you sadly ask ellie, and she nods with a small smile on her face. you give her a quiet thanks and walk towards the shared restroom of ellie and dina. ellie brings her hands to her head and scolds herself. if you’re trying to make her feel better and give her a hint, this is NOT the right way to do it. she couldn’t shove down her feeling forever, but she also did not want to confess and risk losing you completely. she tried to clear her mind and think about what dina or jesse would tell her to do in this situation. while trying to focus, she could hear you shuffling around in the bathroom. she knew why you were really in there, she wasn’t stupid. thinking about that just made her feel ten times more guilty. she knew what to do.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

as soon as you go into the bathroom you lock the door and force the tears welling in your eyes to go away. you decided to wash your face with cold water to try and snap yourself out of your emotional roller coaster. you dry your face with the hand towel and turn to look at yourself in the mirror. you were still in so much shock at the events that happened tonight. you take in your messed up appearance and cringe. your bloodshot red eyes were not a pretty sight, and neither was the smudged mascara scattered underneath your eyes. you hope ellie wouldn’t be too grossed out by the way you look right now.

huhhhh?

woah okay the feelings are for sure back. you try to get yourself to look less dead inside by washing your face a couple more times. you opened the bathroom door and slowly walked back out to the couch. you sit back down next to her and put a blanket around yourself, meanwhile she is mindlessly scrollings through netflix trying to find something to watch before she stops on none other than you (and cats) favorite movie.

“oh hey what about this one” she looks over at you with a little smile on her face. you give her a confused look as to why she suggested this one, knowing it was cats favorite movie too.

“but, ellie, won’t that make you, i don’t know, sad?” you question. now she’s the one giving you confused looks.

“why is it like a sad movie or something? i didn’t think it was. i thought we could watch it because it’s your favorite movie and i thought it would make you feel a little bit better,” she smiles back. now you’re even more confused. for starters, she told you it was cats favorite movie, and also, you don’t even remember telling her it was your favorite.

“how’d you know?” you asked her. she replied with a little huh and you asked again. “how’d you know this was my favorite movie? i don’t think i told you that, and i thought it would make you sad because you told me before it was cats favorite movie.” ellie’s face suddenly turns from confused, to scared almost. she stated stuttering and couldn’t form a single word.

after a couple second of struggling, ellie says your name. “it’s not cats favorite movie. i don’t even know cats favorite movie. in fact, i actually don’t know a lot about cat in general.” she looks at you with an almost scared look. now she just completely lost you. when she realizes you still haven’t caught on, she finally begins to explain what she means after a long pause.

“it was never cat”. the room suddenly gets loud, very loud. your ears start to ring and your breath leaves your throat. you couldn’t believe it, again. the whole time you were pushing away your feelings for ellie, she was trying to do the same with her feelings about you. suddenly, you start thinking back to all the moments when you thought ellie was crushing on cat. slowly, more dots start connecting.

you glance over to where cat was talking to two other friends at a locker bay across from the two of you. it is pretty cute you thought to yourself. you frown looking down at yours. just a plain boring white skirt. you’re not the only one looking though. if you would’ve turned around to face your best friend again, you would’ve seen her also looking at your ‘plain boring white skirt’, grateful that she quickly replaced ‘your skirt’ with ‘cat’.

or that other night, after the blunt, when you were crying your eyes out to abby. ellie kicking herself outside and hoping, praying even, that you wouldn’t know the actual color of cats eyes, and that maybe you were even dumb enough to not know the specific details of your own (you were).

you wish you could go back and slap the old you in face, that way, you and ellie could’ve avoided this whole abby and cat mess and could’ve been together longer than you and abby ever would’ve been. now you’re staring up at, after she just confessed her feelings for you. you didn’t know what to say, well you did, you wanted to say that you felt the exact same was and you have since the day you met her, but you’re too slow so she keeps explaining to you.

“i’m sorry to bring it up, but when we walked in today, my heart broke. it didn’t break because i saw cat with another girl. it broke because i saw her with your girl, and i never knew anyone would ever be that fucking stupid to throw away someone as gorgeous, generous, and as selfless as you,” she pauses and you cry again for the millionth time tonight; however, this time the tears feel good. happy tears. she continues and says your name in the softest tone possible. “so again, it was never cat. it was you.”

“abby is not ‘my girl’” you cringe. ellie looks up at your quick response. “i always kind of hoped it was you.” you break apart your words, still scared to admit how you feel even though she just spilled her heart out. the response you got back though washed all your worries away.

“can i kiss you?” she asked quietly. you couldn’t believe it (x3). it was finally happening. every single event that happened up to this very moment has vanished from your mind. all you could think about was how you couldn’t nod your head yes faster. she gives you a beautiful grin before tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and gently gripping our chin to pull you closer. at last, your lips touched and it was everything you imagined and more. after you two slowly made out for a couple minutes, taking a couple paused to breathe in between, the kisses started turning more aggressive. you jump as you felt a soft touch on ur upper thigh. you relaxed once she placed her full hand on you and rubbed it up and down. you let out a soft moan which made ellie groan and trail kisses down your neck. you whined as you suddenly felt her pull back. her eyes looked right into your eyes, and she placed her forehead against yours. you two panted as you stared into each others sinful gazes. silence took over for a while before ellie suddenly interrupted.

“can i take you to bed baby?” you bit you lip and nodded, your innocent eyes locked on hers. fuck, you were perfect. it made ellie’s iris’ turn black, and she slowly guided you to her room, littering your face with teasing kisses on the way there. she sat you down on the edge of the bed and got on her knees, lips never leaving yours. her hands caressed your thighs once more, rubbing outwards so that your legs slowly separate. your lips follow as she pulls away to see your skirt has ridden up and she smirks, staring directly at your wet panties. “oh baby” she groans, her focus fully on your clothed pussy, begging to be touched. you lean back and tilt your head so you’re staring up at the ceiling, eyes squeezing shut and a moan leaving your mouth as soon as you feel small kisses going up you thighs. “love those fucking sounds, baby. you’re so angelic.”

“el’s. t-touch me,” you beg, but she light slaps your thighs and gives you a couple disappointments tsks.

“sweetheart, you gotta ask nicer.” she pouts up at you, malice in her voice.

“please, el’s, i need you to t-touch me please” you drag out, embarrassed that she has you this worked up and she’s barely touching you yet. she smirks up at you and her kisses get more sloppy the higher she goes, and finally, her mouth is hovering above your cunt, her hot breath purposely breathing heavy. she loved watching you whine and jolt under her touch. how crazy she made you go even with just a couple kisses. she loves how much control she has over you, and how well you listen to her.

“lift up your shirt, pretty girl. wanna see you play with your tits while i eat this pussy.” her words alone make you want to cum, but then it would be over, so you pull yourself together and do as she said. out of no where, you felt a long lick up you pussy, you body tightening suddenly and letting out a humiliatingly loud moan. “that’s right, baby. let me hear you. do i make you feel good? hm?” you shake your head vigorously, staring down into her green eyes staring right back up at you. she now loops her arms around your legs and spreads them further, making you squeak. “fuck, such a pretty fucking pussy,” she moans, and slowly starts licking up and down continuously.

you’re a mess. one hand gripping her hair, trying to push her even more into you, making ellie grunt, her own panties quickly getting wet at how bad you wanna cum. your other hand is placed perfect cupping your left tit, playing with it just like ellie told you to.

“el’s you’re gonna make me cum,” you whine, your eyebrows furrowed and voice raspy. you look so fucking sexy right now, and ellie tries her hardest to take a mental picture for later.

“yeah? you gonna cum baby?” she teasingly asks you and you whimper out a mhm. once again speechless with the way ellie is slopingly eating your pussy.

you suddenly feel a finger teasing your entrance before it slowly slips in. your moans groan louder, and her pace quickens.

“el’s, ca- can i please?” you beg, the knot in your stomach was growing rapidly. she lifted her head up for less than one second, a stern ‘cum’ leaving her lips, before she returns back to where her tongue was. you scream as you do, vision going black as ellie fucks you though your orgasm, fingers now rubbing even faster on your clit, causing you to completely come undone and cum all over her face. she doesn’t stop until you’re shaking and overstimulating under her. when she does, the only sounds in the room are your quick pants, and ellie’s bed as she moves to scoot closer towards you.

“woah,” you say, still trying to catch your breath. “that was..”

“way overdue” ellie chips in. the two of laugh and you move to lean you head on her shoulder. it’s silent again before you finally speak up.

“i don’t think i ever really thanked you for taking care of my today. i don’t think i would’ve been able to have this much fun today if it wasn’t for you,” you tell her and you feel her hands that were once in your hair, come around and lift your chin to give her a kiss m.

“you don’t need to thank me pretty girl, i wanted to take care of you.” her confession made your heart flutter. “plus i knew that maybe i might have a chance to finally fuck you,” she teases you and you hit her arm, jokingly sending her a scoff.

“you’re right by the way,” she finally adds on. you give her a confused look and hope she takes the hint to explain what she meant. “you’re not abby’s girl.”

“i’m not abby’s girl,” you repeat.

“you’re my girl,” she tells you, eyes never leaving yours, a small smile on her face.

“i’m your girl.”

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

₊* a/n : ahhhh i really hope you guys liked it! 🤍 if you did please let me know because it would mean the world!

love you soooooo much MUAH

[mtkay13]

Wen Kexing!! My focus here was to channel his coolness even through warm colors, and to get his... "essential vibes" through one picture. More (rambling) below! (this is essentially a post about WKX's personality)

A big case can be made about "who or what is the 'true' Wen Kexing". So; let's be real, I don't know if anyone makes a "big case" out of it, but I sure have seen people seemingly arguing against a vague 'common opinion' regarding Wen Kexing's personality. The """common""" opinion (allegedly): the true Wen Kexing is [insert one of WKX's facets] (or something along those lines) The case against it: all Wen Kexing's are the true Wen Kexing Now I do agree with the fact that "all Wen Kexing's" are Wen Kexing, technically. For clarity, let's list and name those various facets (most are commonly accepted, some I'll just name on the go): - Wen Kexing: I'll use his full name for the personality we're first met with in the book. Someone cold, rather quiet, analytical and distant. Giving off strange vibes in social situations (ZZS thinking he's weird, other jianghu figures being creeped out by him or thinking that he's up to no good), contemptuous - Philantropist Wen: The more extravagant, (bullshit) storyteller, outrageous and shameless flirting enthusiast version of WKX. - Valley Master Wen: cold, calculating, quiet, cruel, unbelievably patient, dislikes fun and games, barely feels anything - Wife Wen: The over the top dramatic wife whose life is made difficult by his difficult and shameless husband, essentially a lot of roleplaying the good littol domestic wife and whatnot - The wooden man: similar as Valley Master but demure and apparently subservient? (for calculated purposes) Okay they could be more I guess, but the point is, we have an array of WKX personas and personalities and the actual consensus (I think, my sample is like 10 people so....) is that every one of those is "true" to WKX and that not one of them is a fully constructed persona. Now, while I agree, I guess that what I wonder is: what is WKX in his resting state? If nothing is happening and that he's not in a particularly social or specific situation, what do we get to see? I think that the answer mostly resides in extra 4, which is an INCREDIBLE retelling of TYK from WKX's perspective; someone who thinks quite a lot, and for long, someone who observes things with distance and little to no emotion. Someone who is used to having one goal (revenge, taking care of ZZS during his coma), and who will probably go through a lot of quiet thinking when finally faced with the void of not having one specific thing to aim for. Someone who will have to learn to find joy/happiness, and who probably doesn't... get there "naturally"? (and by that I mean, without ZZS or without directly following ZZS around). Someone whose ties to his own emotions have been severed a long time ago, I guess. Someone still quite contemptuous of many things and people and who has a whole life he didn't plan for or even consider ahead of him. Which is............ what I tried to draw............ here..................... (That and also I wanted to draw a pretty looking hanfu in sepia colors) (but I SWEAR that was not the main goal) (I think) (anyway please ignore me)

[daphwritesworld]

Chapter 1— For The First Time.

a/n: welcome to the Be My Baby series! i’m super excited to get started and work on this story! I’m thinking of publishing 2/3 chapters weekly if I can, but at least 1 will always come out. If additional ones are on the way i’ll make sure to update that on my upcoming post. thank you for your support and happy reading < 3

(p.s. sorry I didn't proof read this lol. I will later and edit any details that need touching up. This is already a few hours late tho, so I want to go ahead and get it out.)

content: Top!Leah, Bottom!Reader, bed humping, fingering (r receiving), teasing, talks of shoe humping, spit play, talks of previous sexual encounters, brewing sexual tension, and masturbation (both)

warnings: allusions to heavy dom/sub relationship, talks of injury, Leah busting her ass at practice, Leah making a fool of herself when she’s in shock, flirty!Leah deserves a warning on its own so here you go, calling reader a bitch & slutty once in a dominating way, semi-public sex, almost getting caught by Alessia, Leah accidentally knocking you on your ass lol

synopsis: You've arrived to your first day at Arsenal; your new club for the foreseeable future as head Athletic Trainer. A new country with promises of a new start awaits for you...until a familiar face disrupts your plans and throws you head first into a whirlwind of emotions and actions.

word count: 3.4k

Series Masterlist: here.

!! 18+ MINORS DNI !!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥♠♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The crisp air of Shenley lites a whispered chill to cover you as you step out of the taxi. You pay the driver, wishing him a good day as you collect your bags from the cab. A deep breath makes its way from your chest and out your lips, gathering your bearings as you finally start to make your way inside. This is going to be a fresh start in a place no one knows you– exactly what you need. No expectations to meet or lingering gazes on and off the pitch. No drama or gossip floating around or eating lunch by yourself. Things are going to be different here.

You take in the scenery as you approach the Sobha Realty Training Centre, your new place of employment. The building feels like it’s going to swallow you, the tall white walls reminding you of the hospital as a familiar churn starts to turn in your stomach.

Breathe. Everything is going to be fine.

Your hand comes up to open the door, but it’s pulled from your grasp. You look up, eyes meeting a warm smile and kind eyes. You relax at her appearance, and even more at her friendly approach, “Hi, I’m Alessia! You must be Y/N, I assume?”

You find yourself mirroring her smile, a hand coming out to shake hers. “Yes, it’s lovely to meet you, Alessia! Sorry I’m late– I got lost and then I just ended up taking a taxi….London is a lot bigger than I expected…” you trail off as you realize you're rambling. Embarrassment sinking in as you look down to the floor.

“You’re totally fine! I think we all got lost on our first day, haha. That’s why I’m here to show you around, this place is huge when you don’t know it. Now follow me, new girl!” and just like that, she’s showing you everywhere possible. She shows you the cafeteria, weight rooms, bathrooms, locker rooms, and just about every tiny place to hide if you need a moment to yourself.

“I don’t mean to sound rude– but shouldn’t you be out on the field training with the others? Showing me around can’t possibly be more important with the Euro Finals coming up,” you say as you arrange your med bag for practice. The rest of your things are now stored in your brand new Arsenal locker you were shown, your name enraged into the gold plate marking your future. She laughs at that, pointing down towards her ankle that you now see is wrapped up. “Sprained it a week ago, so i’m benched. Swelling is still up so Coach won’t let me play on it yet, not even at practice.”

A laugh now comes out of you at her frustrated tone near the end. “Well, I have to agree. Until the swelling and all pain is gone you need to let it properly heal. We don’t need you hurting it worse!”

You feel a shove to your shoulder at that, zipping up your pack as you turn towards her now.

“Spoken like the true new head AT! See you're falling into place here already,” You give a shove back to her shoulder. Careful to do it lightly and not push her off balance with her injury. “Ready to meet the girls?”

You let out a sigh before nodding your head, “If they're all as nice as you I think I’ll be just fine.” And then you two are off, Alessia leading the way to your new team. You can feel your hands sweating as you get closer to the field in sight. All the girls training, the coaches, the other medical trainers under your watch…it’s all facing you at once as the past leaves your mind step by step. Like the shedding of skin on a snake, you're letting your anxieties fall from you as your passion for the job kicks back in. Like a flicker of flame– just waiting to ignite higher.

Your confidence is gaining with every blade of grass that passes beneath your feet. You know you're good at this. Hell you’re fucking amazing at this. Not many trainers could switch clubs– let alone countries for said club, in the middle of a season and still be Head AT…but you are that good. No matter what might’ve happened in Barcelona, you’re going to make sure you thrive here in London.

Well that is until your eyes meet hers. It’s like the wind gets knocked out of your chest– hers quite literally. The blonde’s eyes stay on yours, a furrowed brow taking over her face as she keeps running blind. Until she smacks face first into the goal post at full force, bright hair tumbling to the ground in a loud, harsh collapse. Your feet work faster than your brain, running over and immediately separating her from the net. You’re assessing her body, eyes frantically searching for any blood, bruises, cuts, or abnormalities. Your hands come to her ankles, pressing down as you look up at her face. “Does anything hurt? Stay lying down right now, your adrenaline might be blocking it out!”

“I'm Leah!” It’s rushed out, loud and with a voice crack. Her wide eyes staring up at you as she snaps a hand over her mouth afterwards.

If her teammates weren’t laughing before– they definitely are now.

A blush overtakes your cheeks as you put an arm around her waist, hoisting her to stand up with you. She throws one of hers around your shoulders as she regains her balance. “I’m taking her to the Med Room! Want to be sure she doesn’t have a concussion!”

You’re practically dragging her at this point, racing to get somewhere private because what in the actual fuck. "I'm Leah," She repeats her words from the field. "Yeah, I fucking know that!" you snap lightly on her. Mind still racing as you drag her down the building for a more private place to fully speak without worry. There is no way this is happening! Not to you– NOT NOW!! You push the Med Room door open with your back, and sit Leah up on the bed as you finally create some distance between you two. An accusing finger launching itself towards her as you move back to the middle of the room, “SINCE WHEN DO YOU PLAY FOOTBALL?”

“Nice to see you again, too, darling,” She’s smiling at you. That same one that got you hooked in Ibiza and agreeing to spend three weeks with a stranger. You almost get lost in it again– but you start shaking your head. “Oh no! No, no, no– don’t you darling me right now! How could you not tell me your-” your hand comes to pull at the band around her arm, “CAPTAIN! Of one of the best teams in all of Europe? And after spending all that time alone together, really?”

“First of all, we are not one of, we are the best in the world– thank you. Second of all, I don’t remember us talking much when we were together, if I can be honest. My mind tends to remember the more important details,” she licks her lips as she says it, eyes racking over your body as she recalls the memories to her mind. “And third of all, I don’t exactly remember you telling me you’re the highest paid AT in the sports field, so I guess we both kept some secrets. Huh, darling?”

“You are insufferable," you say as you take out your tiny flashlight, checking the reflexes of her pupils with it.

“Oh but that’s not what you were saying during those few weeks we spent together.”

“Leah!” Your face scrunches up as your fists ball up at your sides. Giving her the best glare you can muster up.

“Y/N! Don’t do your face like that– it’ll get stuck,” a laugh breaks out of her mouth as she says it. Poking at your face to relax your muscles there.

“Can you be serious for like two seconds, this is bad!” You rub your hands down your face. Trying to relieve the headache starting to form between your eyes.

"Oh calm down, would you! No one knows, okay? I didn't tell anyone about our time together. I swear!" She sticks her pinky out towards you, and you somehow find yourself laughing back this time as you extend your own to interlock with hers. It's then you know you've messed up. Her skin lights yours up the same way it did a year ago— you two hidden away on the tropical Spanish paradise. Days were spent exploring the island and endless nights spent exploring each other's bodies.

You don't even notice how close you two have drifted until her thighs are closing in around your middle, trapping you against the medical bed and her upper body. Your face flushes as you freeze in place, brain already too fuzzy for you to register that you should pull away. You can’t stop thinking back now– flashes of memories whizzing by in your head as you zone out, eyes lingering on her lips subconsciously. She must think that’s an invitation, because after a few seconds one of her hands comes to the back of your neck, pulling you into a searing kiss. You kiss her back at first, chasing the spark that ignites from her lips.

But then you remember where you are, and more importantly why you are even here. You got to pull away, hands coming up to her chest to push and create some space. She doesn’t budge though, a tiny moan slipping from your lips as you remember the depths of her strength. She smiles into the kiss at that, and you take the opportunity to breathe the words out against her lips. “Le-Leah we shouldn’t be d-doing this. We c-can’t…”

Her other hand tickles the waistband of your shorts, a light chuckle vibrating her chest as she pulls away to look you in the eyes. “I’ll stop if you really want me to, but I think we both know you want this more than me. Don’t you, darling? Otherwise you wouldn’t be humping the edge of the bed like a bitch in heat.”

You look down, not even realizing how you'd started rubbing your covered cunt against the medical bed. Your hips stutter to a stop as you try to back away from the cot, embarrassment filling your body at her catching you red handed. A finger lifts your chin up as her eyes lock to yours, a chill running down your spine as you cling to her every move. She runs her hand still sitting at your waist down to your hip, slipping under your shorts as goosebumps break out across your skin from her touch. “Don’t get shy on me, now. Not after I’ve seen you cum from grinding on a shoe.”

“Okay! Don’t act like you didn’t tell me to do it– no DEMAND it!” you move closer, pointing your finger into her chest now as you argue the claim.

“Mhm you’re right, Y/N…but you’re the one that did it. Got down on your knees,” she grips the hair at the back of your neck as she yanks your head back. “And rubbed your slutty pussy all over my Louboutins until you ruined them with your cum.” She brings her face down closer to yours, “Now open your fucking mouth.”

You do as she says, and you're met with a glob of her spit landing on your tongue. You swallow it before she even has to tell you, groaning out as you thank her for giving it to you. Her hand on your hip starts slipping around to your front after she feels you grinding forward again, giving you her fingers instead of the small spring mattress. You moan out as soon as they glide across your clit, an electric feeling breaking out across your body. You know this is wrong, and you’ll definitely chastise yourself later…but until then you’re gonna beg her to fuck you.

“Please give me your f-fingers! W-wanna cum for you, Le!” The distantly familiar nickname falls from your lips effortlessly and it fuels a fire inside Leah’s chest. She slides her hand farther into your shorts, instantly slipping two fingers inside of you at the start. Her palm is fitting your clit perfectly, and after a few minutes you can hear the squelching of your pussy from underneath your shorts. You can feel her curling, scissoring, and twisting the fingers inside of your cunt. Your legs are about to shake as you feel your orgasm start to build, moans increasing as your chest rises and falls faster. You can’t focus on anything other than Leah. That’s all your mind can think of: Leah, Leah, Leah…

Thank god she’s paying attention though. Because next thing you know she’s pulling her hand out of your shorts and pushing you back away from her so hard you fall on your ass. You let out a yell of shock as you go tumbling backwards, landing with a pretty loud thud onto the cold tile floor.

Before you can scream at her to explain what the fuck her problem is– the door is swinging open. Alessia barging in as she runs over to Leah. Stopping in her tracks as she almost topples over you. She comes to stop in a screeching halt, sticking a hand out to help you up. “What the hell are you doing on the floor?” She says as she drops your hand once you're back standing. “Well if you must know, Leah’s being stubborn and wouldn’t let me sit on the med bed with her because I’m benching her for practice until she gets her head checked by a CT scan.”

“YOU'RE BLOODY WHAT?” She screeches out at the realization.

“See she can’t even remember I already told her that! Definitely needs a ct,” you know you’re lying through your teeth…but fucking with Leah is too fun. No way you were telling her she’s benched when she had you on the verge of the first orgasm you’ve had…well, since the last time you saw her.

“What the hell even happened out there, Leah?” Alessia asks, a laugh busting out of her chest as she recalls the captain’s wipe out.

“I was lost in my head and just..oh god I’m never living this one down am I?”

“Oh god no! You should’ve heard the noise you made when you hit the pole– I've never heard that come out of a human being before, or any living thing for that matter!” She has tears welling up in her eyes now as she recalls the events.

You sneak out as the two blonde’s get lost in their laughs and conversation. The locker room is empty as you collect your things, humming a song under your breath as you make quick work of packing up. You’re walking out to the parking lot when you finally let yourself think of what just happened, fingers coming up to brush against your lips. You find yourself smiling, wiping it off your face when you notice. No, Y/N. Stay professional. This. cannot. happen again. Push it down.

You pull out your phone to order a new cab before a familiar voice grabs your attention. “I’m afraid there aren’t many cabs on this side of town at this time of night. I can give you a ride though. Only if you want, of course…But such a gorgeous girl as yourself? You really shouldn’t be walking home alone.”

You turn, forgetting the words you told yourself not even 5 minutes ago. Nodding your head before you fully process the request. You’re going to be alone in a confined space with her? FUCK. You folded quicker than a lawn chair for the blonde footballer not even 10 full minutes ago….Lord give you strength for this 20 minute drive.

She opens the door for you, holding an intense eye contact as she closes it as well. Her car smells like the leather seats and the piney notes of her perfume. A perfect mix that has you rubbing your thighs together, trying to dull the ache she never got to quell. She climbs into the drivers seat, setting up her aux before she's handing you her phone open onto her maps app.

You quickly type in your new address before the navigation is breaking through the speakers and leading you to your destination. The ride isn't awkward, filled with easily flowing conversation. You're so lost in it you don't even notice you've made it to your flat. Not until the gps is yelling out "Arrived at Destination."

You try to hide your disappointment as you grab your bags, saying a thank you as soon many questions hang in the air between you two. "Can I walk you up? Promise I won't make a move, just want to make sure you get inside okay." She throws her hands up in a defensive mode.

"Yeah, I'd like that," you push down the large part of your brain that is telling you to stop this dynamic. To kill it before it can manifest…but you don't listen to it. You let her take your hand as she walks you into your buildings elevator, and you let her kiss you soft and slow as the floors ding past you both. It's different from any kiss you've shared before, and that kind of scares you.

It scares you even more at your door, where she tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear and kisses you like that again. She's kissing you like she has something to prove…you're not quite sure what that is just yet…but you sure as hell want to find out. The first time Leah blew into your life, it was at a time of transformation. It was brief but truly wonderful, and now the universe is sitting her right in fucking front of you for a second time.

She's the first one to pull away from your lips this time. A smile pulling at her lips as she ducks back in to steal one more peck, and then she's backing away slowly. Her hands pulling yours with hers as she tries to leave you as slowly as possible. "Goodnight, Y/N."

You can't help the smile you break out into at the gesture, looking down as you blush slightly from the innocent statement. She's playing with your fingers now, and you're trying to memorize hers for the foreseeable future. "Goodnight, Le. And thank you for today. Always the gentleman…when you want to be."

She pushes your shoulder at that, "Oi! I'm always a gent!"

You blush as you think more about the Ibiza trip, "I would beg to differ."

She genuinely laughs at that, picking your hand up to her mouth to leave a kiss on your knuckles. You say goodnight to each other one last time before she leaves down the hall, watching her disappear into the elevator before you go inside your apartment. You both don't know it yet, but you end up finding the same resolution to your problems tonight.

As you both lay awake drowning in endless thoughts of each other, you can't help but slip a hand into your shorts. You're rubbing at your over sensitive clit, imagining it's Leah as you work yourself up. You haven't had time to buy any toys since you moved here, but you don't need them right now. Not when she's got you so wound up from barely any touch.

Meanwhile the blonde captain is slipping her trusty vibrator between her legs to stimulate her clit, the pretty pictures she has of you from Ibiza currently being viewed in her hand. From the one of you being blind folded in her hotel bed to the one of you bent over the railing of her private yacht— she can't stop the new filthy images of you from popping into her head. She's got to have you again, and not just for sex this time.

Leah hasn't stopped thinking of you since the trip, mind clouded with day dreams of you two creating a life together. She's been laughing it off, thinking she's delusional because she'll never see you again…but that disappears when you come waltzing back into her life. She knows now she can't waste this second chance. No matter how long or what all it takes: Leah Williamson is going to make you her girl.

[lornaka]

My five cents on Tech’s fate in TBB

It’s been over three weeks since the show ended and I’ve been writing this in my head ever since, mostly to have it summed up in one post for posterity lol. I considered letting it go at this point but I know it’ll drive me crazy if I don’t get it out of my system so might as well.

So here we go, some of my rambly post-finale thoughts on Tech’s death (and a few other issues) under the cut!

Disclaimer: while this post is in critical spirit (because that’s how my brain works), I want to make clear that I have nothing but respect and gratitude towards everyone who’s worked on the show. My criticisms are of the final story as a whole as I interpret it (art is art, everything is subjective, you know the drill), but one never knows what goes into the process of making it behind the scenes, so I’m not holding anything against the creative team. I love this show dearly and am in awe of how good it is at its best, despite certain things I wish they did differently.

To begin, if I had to sum up the biggest problem that TBB writing suffers from, it would be lack of closure, and too many red herrings. Not just for Tech, but many things. Major plot threads as well as little character moments are cultivated or thrown in just to never culminate in anything or to be immediately discarded after serving the plot, some of them incredibly misleading. Some of the top examples:

- Crosshair’s chip. We never get an exploration of how the trauma of his chip activating and being left behind not only affected his motivation and choice to stay with the Empire, but his relationship with his brothers. While it was made fairly obvious, if subtly, that Crosshair became free of the chip’s influence after getting hit by the ion engine on Bracca, the narrative treated this change as if it didn’t matter at that point, while it obviously mattered a lot within the context of Crosshair’s character. Add to that all these little details with him clutching his head in s1 finale, Omega expressing her disappointment in him, and Tech’s comment on how “it is just his nature” (as if it matters!!! See what I mean about the narrative treating Cross’s chip as if it didn’t play the key part in his trajectory? They throw in this line, like we are supposed to take away that it’s simply Crosshair being Crosshair and not like, the results of brainwashing and abandonment), Wrecker blaming Crosshair for not going back to them, all while we as the audience have been shown and told repeatedly how these chips work (and so were the Batch), we ended up with an incredibly confusing situation with lots of mixed signals from the writers. And once Crosshair makes his choice to stay with the Empire in s1 finale, his chip and the confusion it brought to his relationship with his brothers is never brought up again, because the plot simply moves on.

- Cid’s betrayal. After her being a major character for two seasons with a continuous relationship build-up with Omega in particular, she is discarded as soon as her betrayal serves the plot, with all that character development getting thrown out of the window. You can be mad at Cid all you want, but to me it’s incredibly weird and wasteful to end two seasons worth of build up on that note without it having any closure for the characters, especially Omega whose whole theme is trusting people and bringing out the best in them. It’s fine if they decided to make Cid exactly what she appeared on the surface (untrustworthy and self-serving) after playing around with her potentially growing through her fondness of Omega, but then at the very least the betrayal should’ve had an impact on the characters, Omega most of all. Even just one casual line from Omega in s3 about how Cid’s betrayal impacted her emotionally, however minimally, would have solved that problem. And no, CX-2 mentioning how he extracted info on Phee from her off screen absolutely doesn’t count as closure, because I’m talking about emotional closure for the main pov characters as well as the audience. Cid had a presence for two seasons, then as soon as she executed her role as a traitor to further the plot, she was discarded like she was a random extra.

- Emerie’s relationship with Hemlock. We are led to believe that he basically raised her, instilling in her the idea that she had no chance without him and owed her purpose and “safety” to him. You can’t tell me that this didn’t deeply affect her struggle and eventual decision to break away from all that and choose to help the kids, basically betraying Hemlock. I get that the show only had so much screen time and Emerie is a supporting character in season 3 at best, but common, she has more tension with Dr. Scalder than Hemlock while the potential for this rich deep conflict between them is right there.

I can probably list more smaller examples but this is getting long and I don’t want to go on any more tangents, so, finally, the biggest example of lack of closure and tendency of TBB writing to display foreshadowing that leads nowhere:

Tech’s death.

First of all, I’ll die on the hill that it wasn’t denial or delusion that led to such a big portion of the audience to believe that Tech didn’t really die in s2. If we look at the facts:

- there was no body

- it’s the finale of season 2 out of 3, pretty early for one of the main titular characters to get killed off

- the only/last character to allegedly see Tech after his fall is a villainous scientist who is known to experiment on clones specifically

- not a fact but: the whole scene with Hemlock presenting Tech’s goggles to Hunter was incredibly suspicious. In hindsight, I think the whole purpose of it was so that the Batch got Tech’s goggles back in their possession as a memento (and to show how evil Hemlock is to rub it into Hunter’s face like that) but it was executed in a way that read as something much more. It read as if Hemlock was going out of his way to convince us/Hunter of Tech’s death, but with us knowing who Hemlock is, his background in experimenting on clones, everything screams at us to not trust a word he says. Is it really so surprising that so many of the viewers immediately jumped at the conclusion that something more was going on there?

- Hunter’s (lack of) reaction/immediate narrative fall-out. More on that later as I address lack of emotional impact of Tech’s death in s3.

- it’s Star Wars. And there was no body.

So yeah, to me, it is completely justified that so many people read that whole thing as open to speculation at the very least, foreshadowing Tech’s survival at most.

Personally, I was 70% sure Tech was truly dead prior to s3, but not because the text told me so, but because at that point I was used to the show’s writing regularly sending out mixed signals, and a part of me was resigned to Tech’s death becoming another example of the writer’s intent clashing with their accidental empty foreshadowing.

As season 3 aired and the whole CX-2 plot was unfolding alongside continued lack of closure for Tech’s fate, my hope for Tech Lives reveal grew and grew, but in the end my initial doubt was proven right, unfortunately.

Oh, CX-2.. what a mess. You can’t tell me the creators went over all of these scenes, all of these lines, looked at the whole picture and *didn’t* see how it was incredibly easy to interpret CX-2 as potentially being Tech with all these little potential parallels. “Domicile” alone.

If they didn’t want us to entertain the idea that it could be Tech, they could’ve done it differently, but for some reason, they chose to leave that space for speculation. My question is, why?

If they truly wanted us to believe Plan 99 was it, Tech’s Noble End that we were supposed to take as this dramatic super emotional ultimate sacrifice and all that, then why would they not make it clear that CX-2 couldn’t be Tech? Why breed confusion? And breed confusion they did. It’s hard for me to believe they didn’t foresee the “ohh is it Tech?” speculation.

When so many members of the audience immediately and individually jump at a theory or have the same take away from the story they are being told, yet the authors say it wasn’t meant to be taken that way, something went seriously wrong with the writing.

I don’t like to speculate on such things because we will probably never know for certain, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they had at some point considered CX-2 being Tech or at least something more for the whole CX plot thread, but changed and reshuffled things at the last minute for whatever reasons.

Which is fine and understandable. But it brings me to the heart of my biggest issue with how Tech’s fate was handled:

lack of impact and closure.

Let’s disregard all the Tech Lives theories for a moment and focus on what we did get: Tech, one of the main characters, getting killed off at the end of s2 out of 3, for stakes and consequences and NOTHING else. When I say nothing, I mean nothing.

Imagine, for a moment, he survived and stayed with the Batch. Nothing would have changed, in the grand scheme of things. Nothing. We wouldn’t have had a few obligatory “Tech mention, everyone feel sad now” throwaway lines/goggle shots and whatnot, sure, but that’s it.

Tech dying didn’t change the trajectory of the plot in any way, nor did it affect any of the other characters in a way that changed their trajectory. And anything less is simply not enough to justify killing one of your main characters. Stakes and consequences ain’t it.

Consider Mayday, for example: a supporting character, but his death in s2 affected Crosshair in such a way it completely redirected his journey, AND in s3 we got an episode that cemented the impact Mayday had on Crosshair and provided emotional closure for them. That’s a narratively meaningful death.

Tech’s death was not meaningful to the narrative beyond removing him from it. That’s why so many Tech fans insist he deserved better treatment: not only was he not present in one third of the show physically, but he lacked any sort of presence even in death. His absence was never processed or grieved by any of the main characters and so by extension by the audience.

And before anyone starts with the whole ‘they are soldiers/they had no time to grieve/etc’ arguments, it is the responsibility of the writers to provide the space for all of that emotional impact. It they don’t, there is no impact.

A few reactions here and there, moments of missing Tech as a person and a brother, not an asset, anything would have made this whole thing easier to accept.

The lines that we did get, from Omega mentioning the stuff Tech taught her to Echo commenting on how decryption would be easier if Tech was with them to “Clone Force 99 died with Tech” from Crosshair - each and every single one of those lines linked to Tech’s functions as part of the squad, his usefulness, but we didn’t get a single line in remembrance of him as a person of his own, no one missed or remembered him for himself or his personal impact on them.

Just one line from Omega about how he taught her about change being a constant part of life or whatever, or Wrecker making a comment on how Tech used to info dump about stuff, anything would have instantly provided that much needed sense of “he was here, he was a person and is still a part of us”. Instead, Tech was killed off to show that messing with the Empire is dangerous and risks are real, I guess, and immediately lost any and all presence within the story.

We never even got to see Crosshair’s or Phee’s reactions to losing him.

Speaking of Crosshair, that’s a whole other example of complete lack of closure: they never closed the loop on the family being reunited again after initially leaving Crosshair behind, and with Tech dead, it’ll forever stay broken.

They could’ve given this a bittersweet yet meaningful spin if they developed the angle of Tech dying on a mission to bring Crosshair home, making a sacrifice so Crosshair had a chance.

Instead, the moment Tech dies, we get Hunter (and through him, the narrative) immediately abandon the idea/plot thread of going to rescue Cross all while saying “let’s not waste Tech’s sacrifice”. Sacrifice for what? Clearly Hunter doesn’t see it as a sacrifice for Crosshair’s sake, so, what, to make sure the rest of them makes it from the mission? The mission to save Crosshair. That mission. Right.

I see people talking about Tech’s noble sacrifice that ensured his family got to live and eventually have their happy ending, but all I can think about is how the creators chose to have him die on a mission that was immediately abandoned and the only take away from that whole sub plot was Tech’s own demise.

And after Crosshair is back with the Batch, his reaction to Tech’s death is never explored at all.

So yes, to me Tech deserved so much better. If you are going to kill off a major character, it must be necessary to be compelling. The way I see it, Tech’s death was not necessary at all because it didn’t change anything. And if it was meant to, the creators failed to communicate that by choosing not to explore the emotional impact of it and not structuring certain story beats in a more precise manner.

To wrap this up, if the way Tech’s death was handled was satisfying for you, that’s valid and I’m glad for you. For me, unfortunately, it’s completely the opposite and will forever remain the biggest and most unfortunate low point in the story.

And while I welcome anyone to share their own perspective if they wish, please don’t take this post as an invitation for debate, since there is no one right or wrong way to interpret or be affected by art.

[bevy-obeyme]

I know you're super busy but if you have the time, I wanted to request a Trans FtM MC with the brothers, mostly headcanons or cute shenanigans! Like asking the brothers helping MC recover from Top Surgery!!! Please it would make my year!! Thank you so much for reading!

Of course! It’s no problem and I’ll try to get all my asks done today!! :))

I really appreciate requests that give me different prompts because I myself as I have stated numerous times am a cis female and being introduced to other perspectives is really intriguing for me!!

Shenanigans with the brothers as a Temale to Male MC

Lucifer - Top Surgery.

- No doubt, going into surgery was a nerve wracking thing. He could only admire your bravery to do so.. and hold your hand in comfort as you walked in.

- You got registered in and sat in the doctor’s office, Lucifer was sat besides you rubbing your knuckles absentmindedly and pressing kisses against your cheek, reminding you that you’d do great.

- Post surgery - he could see your delight, your newfound comfort in being more masculine. He couldn’t help the tiny smile that dotted on his face at your happiness.

- He did notice the scars and was always careful when admiring you. In fact, he seemed to be even more enamoured. Those scars were a sign of strength. A sign of resilience.

‘’No matter what you look like, you’ll always remain mine. And that’s all that matters.’’

Mammon - A lower class demon misgendering you.

- You bet, he would be hella pissed.

- You both were walking through the town square, hand in hand when suddenly his demonic hearing picked up on snickering.

- Snickers about you and transphobic comments.

- How dare they make such comments about you? So he yelled out to them.

- If that didn’t work, he would literally square up on them. Give them an intimidating glare and go up to them with his hands on his hips, you behind him as he rambled off, insulting the inferior demon’s intelligence and what not.

- At one point, you had to literally hold him back as you could swear he was about to throw hands.

‘’Yea’, yea! Walk away, I dare ya! Stupid scum! Next time I see ya bastards hangin’ around, insulting MY ____, yer gonna regret it!’’

Leviathan - Cosplaying to combat body dysmorphia.

- Levi noticed just how sad you looked in the Ruri-chan cosplay.

- Sure, you agreed to cosplay with him but he still felt bad about taking up your time.. he should’ve known a stupid otaku like him would only take up your time.

- However, then the realisation dawned on him. Ruri-chan was a girl and you were trying to transition… oh. OH.

- To say he felt horrible was an understatement, and he immediately offered to switch cosplays. He reassured that you still looked masculine and that a gender-bend Ruri-chan wasn’t that bad of an idea.

‘’Y-You look so cool as Ruri-chan! Who cares if she’s a girl? C-Cosplaying is all about the fun of it!’’

Satan - Helping insecurity and deep rooted inferiority.

- Satan could see it. Even if you never stated it, that you held a lot of gender envy towards him and his brothers.

- He sympathised with you. Feeling like you were born in the wrong body was awful no doubt. And the fact that you would always feel inferior to ‘real’ men.

- But Satan always countered that - what defined a ‘real’ man? Sure, anatomy might be one answer, but the second was identity.

- Gender was nothing but a social custom. Dresses being feminine? An opinion. Suits being masculine? Also an opinion. Mindsets, emotions and thoughts didn’t have a set gender and Satan made sure to express that clearly, hell, you’ve seen his brothers haven’t you?

- His tone was logical and firm. Reassuring you that you were justified in being who you were and that labelling yourself as a man was okay.

‘’Don’t let other people drag you down to their levels of simplicity. I’ll love you no matter the form you take ____.’’

Asmodeus - Help diminish masculine stereotypes.

- He too noticed your gender envy. But the avatar of lust had a different way of dealing with it.

- Any time you two went out, he’d make sure to apply makeup, wear skirts, high heels - any ‘feminine’ thing you could think of just to show you there was no harm expressing yourself in a ‘girly’ manner even as a man.

- He also did it to place the attention on him. He didn’t care for the confused looks or admirers. He strutted like he owned the place and he wanted you to do the same.

‘’Confidence is a lifestyle darling. Once you begin living it, people will love you for the amazing man you are.’’

Beelzebub - To feel more masculine.

- Beel was a regular at the gym and his clubs, that was fact. And so, you could argue he was the most masculine with his chiseled form.

- When you came up to him and requested to attend the gym with him to build muscle, he was more than happy for you to accompany him. It did get a bit lonely going by himself at times.

- He helped you bulk on calories and encouraged what foods to eat and to avoid when building muscle.

- However, he also reassured you that you didn’t have to gain muscle to be a ‘man’ and that you were handsome enough as is.

‘’I know I don’t say it often but.. I love you how you are ____. Don’t feel the need to change for other people. But, I won’t stop you if you truly do it for yourself.’’

Belphegor - Comforting you after being deadnamed.

- Belphegor knew that you still had issues transitioning. It was normal - your whole life would change as people viewed you differently. But not him. In his heart, you were still the little human that got him to love the quirks of humanity again.

- However, after being woken up by your cries and hearing of what happened, he immediately came to reassure you that people like that were idiots and random nobodies. Why bother putting up with self-conscious fools who had nothing better to do than hate you for being happy?

- He pulled you close to his chest and snuggled into you, all the while asking about the low class demons that deadnamed you - you didn’t want to know what he would do to them.

‘’I’m telling you ____, don’t bother time with idiots.. they’re all mindless demons that somehow Lord Diavolo hasn’t eradicated yet.’’

[quietzap]

how do you navigate your feelings towards ziam and cheryl/bear/kate/maya on top of this immense grief? i don't mean to be insensitive but i haven't found an answer for myself yet, i can't believe we'll never get answers now

(To anyone seeing this, read until the end before saying anything thank you.) Well. I'm gonna ramble a bit but bear with me. Spotify played Let Me and Common on shuffle the other day and I cried a bit. It's unfair. It should've never ended this way. But I had already accepted ages ago that we might never know the truth. I still have my beliefs. That Zayn and Liam were together. Maybe they had broken up who knows but if they did then I still truly believe their bond was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I've gone through so many emotions this past week. But seeing the posts of cheryl etcetc or people mentioning bear (Zayn was the only one who didn't fwiw), it didn't make me feel anything. Maybe bc I had already accepted we couldn't do anything about the stunts, and/or maybe bc it's still difficult for me to accept he's really gone or bc it doesn't matter to me at this moment. Or bc I haven't actually sat down to think about what it means that he's gone. I've just been thinking of the pain all of Liam's loved ones are in right now and will be in for the foreseeable future. And I include Zayn in this. I also don't really want to think about it bc I think I might get angry. We've all seen Liam's video on snapchat from last month, where he said he was stunting and forced to do things he didn't want to do and to send help. I often used to say that I didn't understand why the boys accepted this situation instead of just getting out, consequences be damned. Ofc it's easier said than done. But I thought maybe they thought it was worth it in some way. But then, Louis got out. Zayn got out. (In some way, I mean they have privacy and a real career, like Niall and Harry). I guess I will never understand why Liam was still the only one so stuck in this shitty situation. Why couldn't he live his life in peace like Zayn and only appear when he released music? Why couldn't he find a better team or why did he even accept to go along for so long? Why did people let him? Why?! That's what I want to know. Fucking why. And I want Liam's image/reputation to be redeemed. Anyway I digressed I'm sorry.

I just sincerely hope Zayn will be ok. Jaymi who was in Union J lost his soon-to-be-husband a couple months ago (Olly was buried the day they were supposed to get married last month). They'd been together for 14 years. And Olly died in similar circumstances (a fall from the 3rd floor of a hotel). And as incredibly awful as this is, knowing that other people are going through similar grief helps a bit, and I hope it will help Zayn and Liam's loved ones know they're not alone. (Edit: I'm not saying these deaths are linked, Olly's death is an accident, Jaymi was there when it happened. This paragraph is about not being fully alone in grief because other ppl go through similar things).

Idek if I've answered your question. I guess basically the stunts don't cross my mind coz it's not important to me. These past few years when Liam was alive it wasn't important (tho I hated it) bc I accepted the boys made their own choices. And now it's not important bc it won't bring Liam back and bc his loved ones matter more to me. Now, if I'm actually wrong about my beliefs then it is what it is and I feel for his exes/gf/child, and if the maya thing is true I still think addiction made him act that way and that if he'd got a chance to really get better this wouldn't have happened again. If I'm not wrong tho, I truly feel for Zayn who doesn't get to grieve the way he deserves to. Tho I'm glad he has loved ones who know the truth and who can support him the right way.

I hope this helps. Feel free to tell me if you want to discuss this further or anything ❤️

(Link to the videos of Liam from snapchat: x)

[amethystfairy1]

🎉 Happy New Years! 🎉

It's been a loooong year so I figured I may as well make a post about it, as well as talk a bit about my plans for 2025! As you know, I tend to ramble, so this got a little long, and maybe sounds a little too much like an Oscars acceptance speech...whoopsie 😅...but from the bottom of my heart I genuinely just felt like I needed to get all these emotions that were emotion-ing today thinking about the New Year out for those of you who have played a part in giving them to me.

If you have a few minutes, please do give it a read through!

The Mushy Stuff:

Firstly, and most importantly beyond a doubt, I want to thank everyone who's been so incredibly kind and supportive of my writing this past year! Every kudos, comment, like, follow, ask, all of them have been treasured by me!

I've had a very difficult year. As I've mentioned before, I'm a full-time masters student. I also work a nearly full-time job on top of that. And while I don't like my blog to have anything to do with my train wreck of an irl life this year, let's just say it hasn't been great...lots of stuff went down, lots of things went wrong, so on and so forth.

Point is, my tippy taps have been crucial to my mental health. I started TTSBC, literally posted the first story 'Pretty Boy' on my very first day as a grad student, sitting there in the office with the knowledge that between school, work, and things happening in my own life, and I'd be having a really rough couple of years to get this degree done.

I finish in May, and I feel confident with my work, I'm ahead of the curve, I'm doing well, and I think that's in no small part because of my tippy taps. These AUs, the writing challenges, the amazing friends I've made and the little community that's somehow decided for whatever reason to form around my obsession with the block people, they've been a very big part of what's kept me going through all of this.

Knowing I could count on people to read my work, to enjoy it, that I could give someone out there something to relate too or even just make them smile if they were feeling as shitty as I was, that made me feel better. It's been so, so important to me.

So thank you. Thank you for following Through the Sky-Blue Cracks and Traveling Thieves. Thank you for screaming over my Whumptober and Febuwhump collections. Thank you for following me, for chasing me and my thoughtful Batman gif around in the asks, for playing along with my goofy-ass side blog, for commenting and kudos-ing and somehow materializing the instant a chapter goes up even before I post the tumblr notif. It means a lot more than I think any words I could come up with would convey.

I also really really really want to thank my Tinted Glass crew!

@silver-sunray This is all your fault. You started this 😤 And by that I mean you made these AUs and me screaming into the void alone so much more than that. It's because of you that I started to fight the fear, scuttle out of my shell and start actually trying to talk to others in this little online sphere. Your incredible work on the Beyond project and now in helping with my side blog and all our other plans and projects mean the world to me! You always have so much spunk and confidence whenever any ideas pop up that I suddenly feel like it's so much more is achievable thanks too you. I'm so very happy you reached out to me this year and I know so much that I've done with my writing wouldn't have happened without you 💖

@boo-the-ahh you're just the sweetest! You always make everything feel so light even when things are complicated or heavy, and you don't even know it! I love getting to work with you on the podfics and our other projects we've been plotting! You're always so full of energy and enthusiasm and encouragement that makes me feel like I can come up with the most whack-ass idea and you'll just back me up, and that's absolutely amazing! I'm so happy you reached out to me and started podficcing for me! Your work is incredible! You put in so much effort, your final products are always so beautifully polished and you always go the extra mile even when it makes things trickier. I admire that so much! And I apologize in advance for the sheer amount of my writing you're probably doomed to have to read out loud in the coming year 😅

@khoirkid You're just a marvel, in my opinion, which I know you don't share but shhhhhhhh. You come up with masterpieces at the drop of a hat, and the fact that you are willing to draw my whack-ass lil guys is still just unfathomable to me. You're always so easy to talk too and down to earth, and you're so creative and imaginative with how you weave symbols into your art with different imagery and color! I feel like half the time the stuff you come up with is so articulate and amazing that it goes over my head, but that's fine! 😆 You're so knowledgable and you have a perspective on things that helps me think things through. I love getting to work with you and I'm so very grateful for all the gorgeous illustrations, and for all the time you've given to me that's made me feel a little less alone.

All three of y'all are just so cool and supportive and talented that most of the time I don't get why you're hanging out over here and giving so much of your time and energy to these projects of mine, but I'm forever grateful that I have you as my friends. So thank you. 💜

Plans for 2025:

Ok, now that I've gotten my emotions all emotion-ed out, let's talk a little bit about my plans for the New Year!

Of course I'll still be continuing TTSBC and TT! No doubt about it! There's big things happening in both the AUs, and I'm so very excited to share them with everyone!

I'll be finishing my degree in May...to be perfectly honest, I'm still unsure of how much of a workload I'm gonna end up having academically this last semester, so I think I'll just say that if updates slow down a bit, just assume Amethyst is drowning under piles of revisions doused in red ink and a bunch of reference texts and papers due to be graded. I promise I'm not gonna just stop tippy tapping! I don't think my brain would be able to handle it if I did 😅

As far as some of the typical challenges go, I will not be participating in Febuwhump this year. I wish I could, but I know I'll definitely have too much going on academically to commit to another writing challenge...also I think Whumptober almost killed both Khoir and I, and we don't need to be doing that again anytime soon 😵‍💫 I'm still gonna check out the prompt list, and if I see a few prompts that I find particularly intriguing maybe I'll write those up, and do a few of the days, but I won't be doing the full writing challenge.

Jury is still out on Hermit-a-Day May, which I'm hopeful will be running again this year! I'd love to do it, but I'll have to make that later, once I know for certain how my workload is feeling since I'll be doing my final revisions, my defense, all that good stuff in late April, which is when I'd typically be working up my fics for Hermit-a-Day May.

I will be doing Whumptober. No questions about it!

I have a few other Hermit/Traffic/Empires fanfic projects on the back burner that I'm working on here or there whenever I need to take a lil break from TTSBC and TT. One of them is a project that all of the Tinted Glass Crew is working on together, and while I don't wanna give spoilers, I'll just say that it's going to be a ton of fun! It's unlike any other AU or one-off I've ever done before, and even just brainstorming it has been incredible so please look forward to it!

I also have my original series. Which...I haven't talked about, not really. I'm pretty nervous about putting it out there, to be honest, but it's my baby and I've been working on it for over four years now. It's written in a similar style to TTSBC and TT, that is, focused on queer romance and found family in a ton of stories all organized in chronological order and written up and down on a timeline. One of my big hopes for this year is to finally share this series. I dunno where yet, or when...it'll definitely wait until after I finish my degree in May, that much is for certain, but I suppose I just wanted to prime everyone. The Tinted Glass Crew has already been so amazingly kind as to agree to help me find a way to get this story that's so dear to me out to all of y'all someway somehow...and I'm confident if I have those guys on my team we'll figure it out! 😅

I hope, if you've enjoyed TTSBC and TT and any of my other work, you'll at least give my original blorbos a shot whenever they are freed from their little cage in my notebooks and save files. They're not so different from the way I write my MCYT characters, they're a bunch of big gay idiots with personality issues, a ton of tangled up secrets, and more trauma than you can shake a stick at...and they're mine, which means I really like to put them through the wringer. 😆 But after everything I've done over this past year and even further back here on this blog, on A03, and in this little community, I feel like maybe they might find themselves a home in at least some of your hearts...or maybe just piss you off with their poor life decisions and accidentally give you brainrot, who knows.

Anyway, this has been a lot. Sorry I tend to ramble...all of this is just to say thank you. I had a lot of fun this year, getting to share my stories with all of you, and I hope you'll continue to support me as I tippy tap my way into the New Year!

-Amethyst

[sysmedsaresexist]

what are your thoughts on the community theory that autism may cause more fictives?

I come to you, anon, a broken man. I am in shambles. My life has been ripped apart.

I just spent a straight hour writing a response. It was a beautiful response, with sources, and pretty colors, and oh, about 2k words.

And it's all gone.

BUT!!! I, Quill, am not one to be discouraged. I'm going to redo this. FROM THE TOP!!!! (and now saving draft every 5 seconds istg-)

TL;DR: I really genuinely love the theory and think it has a lot of merit. However, I also really disagree with how some parts of the community handle this theory, and the stereotypes of autistic systems that come from it.

Alright. Mod Quill here, yes, I am an autistic system, currently a bit itchy inside because I should've been almost done this post and nearly into my latest fixation (don't starve together), and instead I'm rewriting this all and delaying my gratification. I am being so strong and brave right now.

[EDIT, before I actually get started, now that I'm done my ramble: in the following essay, I discuss introjection as a whole, rather than just fictives. I personally only have fictional introjects, but we all absolutely despise the term fictive being used on our system, so we avoided the term.]

Let's start with the fact that introjection is incredibly normal. My GOAT, Piaget, discusses at length how schema develops, and that's based a lot in introjection. Introjection, as a concept, is the idea that we, as people, unconsciously take on the beliefs, personality traits, sometimes even emotions of those around us. This can be for a lot of reasons.

Introjection (Defense Mechanism) was an interesting article I found discussing this idea, especially as it discusses introjection VS internalization, identification, and incorporation. Basically, when y'all try to find good articles online about introjection, those other words are usually fair game as well. This article is largely setting out to define various types of introjection. It describes normal introjection (bringing up Piaget, love that guy, he's my main man as a teacher) and brings up how introjects (i.e. the emotions/traits/beliefs/etc) can be distorted via fantasy. When that happens, it's considered secondary identification, and (she cites Freud here but I am not going digging more for MORE research atm), "Such secondary identification aims to reduce feelings of separation and hostility, and increase feelings of closeness, between the self and the external object, and thus it is regarded as a defense mechanism." So, in basic terms, introjection as a coping mechanism is often meant to reduce separation and increase closeness between an individual and the object of their introjection.

This can be seen very readily in CDDs. For instance, a hypothetical child is seeking more secure attachment with an abusive parental figure; they then form a dissociative part that is literally that abusive parental figure, making that person a part of them. This is a highly pathological defense mechanism.

So where does autism come in? Well... It's a disorder featuring:

A constant feeling of loneliness or ostracization for many individuals (discussed here)

A feeling of requirement for masking or mimicry of others in order to fit in (discussed here)

Diagnostic criteria that clearly show an inability to connect with others, rigid thinking patterns (akin to a fixed-mindset, just musing here), and an inability to maintain healthy relationships.

So... autistic CDD systems would then be individuals with a dissociative disorder, who (due to their autism) often report feeling more disconnected with themselves than their peers, who already rely on imitation as a conscious form of survival in an attempt to achieve closeness...

So you mean to say, Autistic CDD Systems Introject More???? HUH.

It's spelled out right there. It's fairly blatantly obvious. And genuinely, I don't think anyone was really doubting this. I don't think anyone is really out here saying that autistic people don't experience significant dissociation/introjection.

However, there's a lot of people recently shouting to the hilltops that there's no proof that autistic systems experience higher amounts of introject alters. And...

Duh? Obviously? There's already a significant lack of research into introjects in CDD systems. Why on earth would they then skip forward to research into introjects in autistic CDD systems? The medical world isn't going to skip around like that -- particularly, well... because why would they even research this to begin with?

Genuinely, I think that's my frustration with the recent discourse about this topic. There really is no reason, in my eyes, why the medical world should focus on this topic. What benefit would it have for patients? Introjects are simply another form of alter, same as any other. I suppose, potentially, it could lead to more ideas on how to help autistic CDD systems with their introjects in particular, but... is it that much different than just treating autistic CDD systems as a whole?

There's really no reason to be so up in arms about this idea. You're not going to be getting proof that this theorized correlation is actually scientifically valid; that's just not going to be happening anytime soon, unless someone has a really invested interest in autistic CDD introjects.

However...

HOWEVER!!!!!

That also does not mean I necessarily agree that every autistic system is like this. Because, for instance, I am not like this.

If you don't know, hi, I'm Quill, a mixed-origin CDD system featuring 15 parts. The origins aren't really important to this conversation, but we like to use accurate labels. We have 4 introjects, all of whom are fictional in nature. One is very close to source, one is so separated we forget she's an introject, and the other two are somewhere in the middle. And, despite what most people would assume, as I am a level 2 autistic individual as well as a system...

Only one of those introjects is from a hyperfixation of ours -- one that was brief, lasting only about 2 days, and that has never caught me up again -- and she's the one who immediately source separated.

Now, I am someone who struggles with hyperfixations. I scream internally while I autistically click the next 5 hour FNAF marathon when I'm supposed to be grading. I know so much lore. But yet, despite the sheer number -- undertale, MLP, FNAF, Petscop, most recently DST -- I haven't split introjects from any of those fixations.

And, well, that makes sense. Because introjection isn't just about attachment to an object. It's about taking something you need from that object. And it's unconscious in most cases.

(Semantically, I suppose that means that introject isn't really the best term for created parts who are fictional in nature, but I do not care about semantics all that much when it comes to people's self-identified labels in a minority group).

So, in the cases of my introjects:

At a time when we felt incapable, angry, and confused, we split a confident, strong, and (healthily) angry part.

At a time when we felt we were at risk of losing everyone and everything because we couldn't keep them happy, we split a character who found her lost loved ones and kept everyone happy.

At a time when we felt we needed distance from our conflicting emotions, we split someone who canonically has never been conflicted.

At a time when we were in desperate need of love, we split someone we knew would seek that love out without fail.

It wasn't based on our hyperfixations; it was based on our needs.

I think that large swaths of the system community online forgets that CDDs are borne of childhood trauma. Splits in CDD systems are caused by trauma-responses* -- you're stressed out, so your brain puts what you need to handle that stress (such as the memory of the event, the feelings you need to handle it, the personality traits that would be helpful) into a new part. In the case of introjection, a CDD brain is still doing that -- it just relies on a blueprint provided by the world around them. In the cause of autistic systems, I think they find it especially easy to rely on those blueprints.

I mean, autism comes with its own difficulties with personhood, dissociation, and lack of feeling like oneself. There's evidence to indicate that, rather than an autobiographical sense of self based on seamless memories, autistic individuals lean toward a patchwork sense of self. Extend that to CDD systemhood, an inherently dissociative, traumatic experience that comes with memory problems that further prevent autobiographical self memory, and you've got a compelling reason why introjecting whole characters (with themes and narratives that fit the experiences trying to be integrated) might be more common in autistic systems.

And... all of that -- all of the nuance, all of the discussion of trauma and the inherent struggles of being autistic -- somehow has been boiled down repeatedly, on both sides of the argument, to "Autistic systems split more introjects because they hyperfixate."

This idea led to me feeling completely isolated in system communities. I found myself in groups with the following (incredibly limited) views on autism and systemhood:

Introjects are not more common with autism at all, and anyone saying so is spreading misinformation.

Introjects only split due to traumatic experiences, and autistic people experience more trauma than others, so they split more introjects.

Introjects split more frequently in autistic systems due to hyperfixations, so if you're really autistic, you have more introjects.

And... none of these are right. All of them lack nuance, and all of them patently ignore the facts about trauma and how it impacts the brain in CDDs.

Based on the community experiences I've seen, there is a blatant correlation between autism and introjects. To ignore that correlation is to be blind to the community entirely. However, to say the correlation is only due to hyperfixation is to ignore many, many other possible reasons why autistic systems split more introjects -- of which my post only addressed some potential reasons -- and, in doing so, isolates many systems. It also stereotypes autism to hyperfixation, which is only one of the thousands of potential sprinkles on someones autism sundae, and leaves some individuals (such as myself) feeling even further isolated.

(And to suggest that it is because autistic people experience "more trauma" than others is to begin the 2025 Trauma Olypmics, and I refuse to entertain a torch bearer for those particular games.)

I understand where many individuals are coming from when they express frustration over the theory; I've been in that exact position myself, demanding proof of the correlation due to my own isolation from the community. And, with a disorder that already, inherently, feels so isolating already, on top of another disorder with its own share of isolating feelings...

I just desperately hope that people can be open to others experiences. I think it's entirely possible that someone attaches so firmly to a hyperfixation that they split a new part from it. I also think the theory I presented here -- that autistic individuals introject more readily due to a propensity for introjection in part borne of trauma -- is also entirely possible. I think there's thousands of possible explanations, and I think there's thousands of "right answers."

And I also think that none of this matters beyond a simple intellectual curiosity, and coming to understand myself more. I wrote all of this up due to my passion for the subject. I am autistic, and I want to be seen, and heard, and I want people to understand it more. I want people to broaden their perspectives and maybe see someone else's shoes, even if they aren't comfortable wearing them yet.

If another system is like mine, yay! If another system is unlike mine, yay! Regardless, every system is unique -- just like how every representation of autism is unique. And I think we should find beauty in the theories that present themselves, and enjoy the ideas more than the outcomes.

Fun additional reading that came up in the process of my buzzing about this for multiple hours:

Experiencing Self and Others: Contributions From Studies of Autism to The Psychoanalytic Theory of Social Development -> According to a friend (paraphrasing a tiny bit), "the abstract, in my reading, is basically saying that comparing autistic and non-autistic kids can help us understand more about how theory of mind and mental modeling of others can develop, particularly in relevancy to concepts of internalization/introjection." They did read through the whole article (while also warning me to never use scihub) and indicated for me that this really doesn't discuss autism in correlation to introjection, and even seems to suggest that autistic people can't introject (in the non-pathological sense) due to their inability to connect to others. (I genuinely think this is in direct opposition to the first study I mentioned, about how introjection is a defense mechanism, especially as autistic people experience significant amounts of trauma due to their disorder anyways.)

Making the thought thinkable: On introjection and projection -> Can only access the first page, which discusses a bit about echlalia and inner worlds. However, the title makes me curious about what this could offer in terms of the Autistic System Introjects Debate(tm). I want to go digging a bit more to see if I can get around the paywalls on this. This is a complete wild card to me.

Whose memories are they and where do they go? Problems surrounding internalization in children on the autistic spectrum -> A very interesting article that came up while my friend was reading the Experiencing Self article. Again, I cannot access anything but the abstract myself (fucking pAYWALLS) but it's promising. Here's a quote: "The author suggests that, instead of internalizing shared experiences leading to growth, children with autism can feel that they add to themselves by taking over the qualities of others through the ‘annexation’ of physical properties that leads to a damaged object and can trigger a particular sort of negative therapeutic reaction." (Emphasis mine) Friend suggests full article is a goldmine. I'll leave that for you all to go digging for, if you'd like to know more.

(*Footnote: I mean splitting in the most basic, CDD medical understanding of the disorder way possible. Obviously, as a mixed-origin system, I understand there's more than one way to split a part than simply through traumatic/stressful experiences.)

[ogfangirl]

DANIEL RICCIARDO BROKE THE INTERNET

authors note: this is my first piece of writing for Daniel Ricciardo and for F1. I’ve been obsessed with Danny lately and it randomly came to me late last night so bare with me 🥹 with Danny coming back this weekend it brought a lot of emotions happy ! I just want him racing so bad. This is fluffy and cute, and exactly how I imagine he’d be as a dad 🫶🏼

Pairing: Dad!Daniel Ricciardo x Wife!reader

Instagram AU & behind the scenes of the post

Summary: Daniel has been quite busy in 2023, but not behind the wheel of an F1 car.

Enjoy!

Liked by f1, landonorris, redbullracing and 1,991,562 others

danielricciardo I’ve been kept pretty busy these last three months 💙 @.yourinstagram

view all 671,345 comments

yourinstagram we love you papa 🧸💙

- liked by danielricciardo

user7 whAT?!?!? WHAT IS HAPPENING

redbullracing a future Red Bull world champ 🏆

- liked by danielricciardo and yourinstagram

dannyshoney OMG THIS IS AMAZING!

landonorris can’t wait to meet the little man

- liked by danielricciardo and yourinstagram

maxverstappen1 my nephew !

- liked by danielricciardo and yourinstagram

Daniel Ricciardo broke the internet.

Let’s recap:

Almost a year ago, you found out you were expecting your first child with your husband, Daniel. You were thrilled, and you knew you had to come up with a way to surprise him. You got a onesie with his logo on it, a card with the words "and soon there will be 3" as a reference to your growing family AND his racing number 3, as well as the three pregnancy tests you took, and you placed them into a little gift box. On a boat day out in Monaco, you handed him the gift box, but not before you took your phone out and pressed record. He was confused as to why you were recording him, but he opened the box anyway. His face was priceless. He was ecstatic. It was a dream come true.

Since this was your first pregnancy, you wanted to keep it a secret for as long as possible. You felt as though it was more special that way. His life was already so public, and yours was too as a result of being his wife. The two of you agreed to keep your pregnancy between your closest friends and family. But it didn’t take long before Daniel came home looking all guilty, and when you asked him what happened, he told you that everyone at the paddock knew he was going to be a dad. When you asked him how they knew, he sheepishly reminded you of his excitement and that you know how much he likes to talk. You forgave him, of course, because the paddock was like his second home. That was his family, too.

 You didn’t get mad or upset. You knew your husband. Daniel is known to ramble, and he just couldn’t contain himself, but who could blame him? It was an exciting chapter in his life. one that came at a rough time, when he didn’t know what his future in Formula One would look like. Obviously, McLaren wasn't working out, and he didn’t know where else he would end up. But what mattered to him most was that his baby was coming.

 It didn’t take long to find out the gender. He paid for the early test. He was too anxious to wait. The gender reveal was an intimate get-together with only a few family members and friends. As soon as the black balloon exploded and the blue confetti hit the floor, Daniel picked you up and spun you around in joy. "We’re having a boy!" He exclaimed with a huge smile on his face. His very own baby boy He already had a little boy in his life, his nephew, whom he watched grow up, and he couldn’t imagine loving someone more than he loves him. But he was excited to experience this new space of love, one he could only share with a son. He also fell even deeper in love with you after seeing you grow a life inside your body.

 Keeping your pregnancy a secret in the beginning was a breeze. At first, there were no signs of a bump; you could get away with wearing any outfit. The second trimester came around, and you had to pull out all the flowy dresses and tops. Daniel watched you in awe as you performed daily tasks, but with a growing belly. He noticed your glow becoming brighter and brighter every day. He loved parading down the paddock with you while everyone congratulated you on the baby.

Throughout the season, you traveled to as many races as possible while you could still hide the bump, but it soon became too difficult. Especially since Daniel was the star of Drive to survive, and there was always a camera in his face. He had asked the producers to try and keep you out of the footage, but it was hard considering he wouldn’t leave your side unless he was in the car. The more your belly grew, the fewer races you attended. Ultimately, with your energy levels plummeting and your bump being extremely noticeable, you decided that it was finally time to stay home. Daniel missed having you at races, and you definitely felt weird having to watch them from home after being used to the hustle and bustle for years.

 Daniel became less and less excited for race weekends as the season went on. One because, frankly, his car sucked, and two because you weren’t there with him. His favorite activity soon became taking the long haul flights back home, because he knew you’d be there waiting for him. Every time he’d arrive home, it was like his world was complete again. You’d be there waiting for him with a smile and your big ol’ growing belly. He didn’t know how to describe how intense his love and admiration for you had gotten. But he sure knew how to show it. Daniel showered you in hugs, kisses, massages, flowers, chocolate, gifts, love, but most importantly, reassurance. The pregnancy itself was fairly easy, but the part you were scared of the most was how his busy lifestyle would impact how much time he’d spend with you and the baby. So he did exactly what he knew you wanted but didn’t have the heart to ask for.

With the 2022 F1 season coming to an end, Daniel decided that it was the perfect opportunity to take time away from the sport so that he could spend time with his wife and his son, who could arrive at any time. He agreed to become a third driver for Red Bull, counting on the fact that they wouldn’t need him for a few weeks. He never gave the media much of an explanation as to why he decided to take a third driver position; all he said was that he needed time to himself. Some fans understood, and some didn’t, but it didn’t matter. He knew he had made the right decision.

 His little boy, Luca Gabriel Ricciardo, was born on January 5, 2023. The day both your lives changed, but for the better.

 You love watching him be a dad. He did it so effortlessly. He was eager to do night feeds and didn’t even mind staying up with the baby at night. He loved doing skin-to-skin, and was a pro at diaper changes. He wanted to be all hands on deck. The two of you would take long walks on the farm with Luca, and occasionally you would have picnics in the garden. That was what he cherished the most. When it was just you three. The family he built with the woman he loves

 The months flew by, and next thing he knew, the Australian Grand Prix was coming up. He couldn’t hide anymore. His life was perfect, but he knew he had to go back to work. That’s his home race, and there isn’t an Australian Grand Prix without F1’s favorite Aussie.

 Race week was the first time since Luca was born that Daniel spent time away from home. It felt weird for both you and him. In the 8 days that he was gone, there were approximately 52 FaceTime calls, 37 phone calls, and 12 pictures of Luca sent to him. He missed his son, and even though he was away, he still wanted to be a full participant in his soon-to-be 3-month-old's daily activities, which didn’t include much but eating, sleeping, and pooping, but you appreciated it.

 Word travels fast in F1, and everyone was excited for Daniel’s return. As predicted, Daniel was asked a million times what he did to keep busy during the past three months. He would chuckle to himself and keep giving vague answers like, "I was working on myself."

 But enough was enough.

 With the Australian Grand Prix behind us, on Monday afternoon he arrived at home and immediately made his way towards you and his baby boy. After planting a kiss on your lips and one on his baby’s head, he looked down at you with a smile. You looked at him, almost afraid of what his mind had come up with. "How do you feel about finally presenting Luca to the world?" He asked. It caught you off guard, but you’d be lying if you said you haven’t thought about it.

 "I think I’m ready if you are," you smiled back.

 And that was all he needed to hear. He was finally going to show the world his biggest accomplishment: his family.

 Daniel had taken a photo of you with Luca while you guys took a trip to the beach when he was about two months old. He loved the photo, and immediately knew that it was the photo he was going to use to announce his boy. Daniel had the post saved in his drafts for about two weeks. He was waiting for the perfect time, but after getting back to work, he knew that there was no better time. Everyone still had lots of questions, and he knew that the answers he gave didn’t actually give them any insight into what his days off looked like. But he could paint a perfect picture with one post. So on Monday, April 3, 2023, he introduced the world to his boy.

 It didn’t take long before his comment section became flooded with support, surprised comments and overall excitement. Both of your phones began blowing up, and you two couldn’t contain your smile. You opened Twitter and saw people were already talking about it all over your timeline. Your family and friends left cute comments on his post, and you took the time to reply and like all of their comments. It meant a lot for the both of you that you had such a strong support system behind your family. Your boy was so loved, and he didn’t even know it yet.

Following Daniel’s Instagram post, you decided to share an announcement of your own.

@.yourinstagram posted on their story

[icarusredwings]

i *live* for your agere wade omg 😢🙏🏻 i also age regress there's just something about your favorite character being like you that makes me smile :) your writing is absolutely wonderful as well!! :3

Hi hon, Im so proud of you for doing what's good for you, and I am so happy that you've found something to enjoy that makes you feel good about yourself.

Thank you so much for the support. I've seen more people mention how excited they were to find cute, mild, and nonnsexual regressions for Wade, so I've decided to put it on A03 for more people to enjoy.

I actually was nervous about posting them in general because of the stigma around it but seeing how supportive you all have been (I dont know why im even shocked) it's made me a little more confident in my writing. I was abused quite a bit as a child, and while I don't regress, I do have a special attachment to my stuffed animals and find comfort in kids' shows. Annnddd, as someone who was working towards becoming a geneticist? It's comforting to know that some very intelligent and successful people also do.

While you're waiting for me to write more or upload to A03, have some HCs:

Depending on what's going on, he fluctuates between 5-8.

Wade has 3 caregivers, Al, Vanessa, and Logan. He loves them all so much but certian care givers are for certain things. Al (Mama) is he goes too for booboos, Ness (Mommy) is who takes him out the most, to the park and doctors (If things get too out of hand, she can pull the "He's my disabled son you bastard" card, and Logan (Kitty) is general. The one youll find when wade is casually colouring or playing tea party with.

He'll take "sippies" but hes a bit too old for them because he chews the tops off.

Cereal, mac and cheese, pizza, bassically anything he already eats as an adult, including spicy tacos.

He doesn't have a lot of toys (and if he does, they're from a give away or a dumpster) so is very possesive of them and will instantly get upset if you try to take them away or "hurt" them.

Wade is the type to just chill with you on the couch and eat snacks if you don't have the energy to play or take him to the park. Even as a child, he was very emotionally intelligent, and it shows.

Most kids would have tantrums, but he seems to either be understanding or go cry in silence while isolated (its what hes used too)

As much as people say he's a potty mouth, I don't see it. Not yet anyway. Sure he'll say "bad words" sometimes but as someone whos used to being screamed at to shut up all the time, I believe he talks so much as an adult BECAUSE he wasn't allowed as a kid so he's more of an observer unless you are unfortunately his favorite and then hes going to tell you random facts.

Oftentimes, the "perfect child" are ones that are independent, quiet, and who monitor their emotions/ actions around other kids and adults. This means being forced to act older than you actually are, walking on eggshells around adults and trying to do things by himself.

He likes to wear clothes that are too big for him rather then tight. (Bonus points if they're a hoodie or a sweater)

He likes baths and sometimes will tell you that his "Skin hurts" when really it's just itchy/peeling/ needs lotion.

He's not big on babytalk but "puppy" "mama" "mommy" "park?" "Kitty scratch bad guys" "I watch tv?" "Go home?" "Play horses?" Are common. Its either small unfinished sentneces or endless rambling with full sentences that repeat themself. Logan has once heard "Did you know-?" 30 times once all in 10 minutes

He has a stuffy of a Wolverine named Fluffy from Kitty, a unicorn named Buttercream from Mommy, and a bear shaped dog toy from Mama. In her defense she didn't know it was a dog toy (because shes blind and cant read duh) but Wade loves it more that it squeaks.

Because kidWade (He is "NOT little", he's a "Big boy") is bigger than them, he has issues playing a little... rough... with other kids. He has infact shoved a kid into the sand while playing tag.

Wade is very erm... possesive.. over his caregivers and will act out if he believes Kitty is ignoring him. Because of their history, hes even more prone to acting out with Ness and has gone as far as telling someone they looked like a burnt quesodilla that "had a baby with a wrinkled cucumber" before (and will do it again)

Flappy hands. Giggles. Screeches. That is all that needs to be said.

Wade likes music, arts, and crafts. Physical exercise is nice too but naps are needed afterwards.

Naps must be willing. If you tell him to go take a nap he'll just stomp his feet and cry that hes "being good" so "doesn't need one" bassically, naps are punishment.

Tw for sensitive topics such as mental and physical health

The worst part about having Wade isn't that he is a "brat" or "bad", no infact wade barley ever is a brat. He's very people pleasing because he just wants as much affection as possible. it's the fact that you can't trick him or keep him from doing something. He's too smart.

"Come on baby, we're going to the park"

"Yay!!- wait.... Mommy... Mommy the park is that way...Mommy this is how you go to the mean doctors! They're gonna rip my teeth out!"

It's even HARDER to care for a kid who can escape literally anything and can run all the way home if you upset him too badly. The only thing really you can do is call a different cg and double up on the reassurance. (And maybe a bribe)

Another thing is that just because he's in this headspace doesn't mean his issues are gone. Between the nightmares, the flashbacks, the scary hallucinations that he can't understand, intrusive thoughts about harming a person, impusive thoughts, and just straight up having to deal with cancer on top of it all, etc.

Do you know how hard it is to explain to a child that they're nauseous and exhausted because the cells inside of him are eating the other cells, dying, and healing all at the same time?

[miracleonice87]

new heights, new news, new baby

part of the kissing kelce universe

a/n: I've come to the conclusion that I will never be organized enough to make this a well-planned, thought-out, sequential series, so I've decided I'm just gonna post things hella outta order and then reorganize them into a chronological masterlist. deal? deal. 🤝 enjoy more daddy-to-be trav and, introducing, supportive uncle jason. takes place the day travis leaves for chiefs training camp.

warnings: mention of pregnancy / babies, mention of anxiety / sadness / loneliness, plenty of crying both happy and sad teras, swearing, I think that's it

word count: ~4,400+

___

July 22, 2023

“Now, before we get into our training camp preview and talk about some expectations for the season, Travis, you had a little something you wanted to say to the good folks at home?” Jason prompted, teeing up his brother on this week’s New Heights episode – the last they’d record before they both left for their respective camps. 

Travis nodded, his blue eyes sparkling. “A little something, indeed, my brother,” he teased. “We have an announcement today, y’all! Alright nah!”

“Some new news, one might say!” Jason added, referencing the beloved segment of their podcast. 

“NEW NEWS!” Travis shouted excitedly. “Yo, can I get a drumroll please?”

Jason immediately started rolling his tongue, pretending like he had drumsticks in his hand. Travis continued, speaking over the sound. 

“This is like, the biggest announcement of my whole entire life. There were points where I never thought I’d be sharing news like this. It’s so crazy that I even get to do this right now. Gah dang. But, uh, anyway, I know we joke around here a lot, but this is a big one, folks, and I-”

Jason interrupted his brother’s emotional rambling, as well as his own sound effects. “Get to the point, please, my mouth is getting tired!” Jason picked his drumroll back up seamlessly as Travis giggled like a schoolboy. 

“Alright, y’all… here we go,” Travis said, rubbing his hands together mischievously. “Mrs. Kelce, would you please come over here, sweetness?” he requested, his voice syrupy smooth as he extended a hand, inviting you into the camera shot. 

Instead of crouching to put your face into frame as you normally would for your occasional brief pop-ins to the podcast, you stood next to Travis’s chair so that only your middle was showing, your stance perpendicular to the camera so the now-round profile of your belly was clearly visible. Jason gasped as if he hadn’t already known the news for months. You rested a hand on the top of your stomach, making it unmistakable what you and Travis were announcing, and he reached his own hand out to palm your bump, which at this point he could still easily do thanks to his impossibly big hands.

He held your free hand in his, beaming up at you, then looked back to the camera. 

“We’re havin’ a baby, y’all!” he shouted, before letting out a “wooooo-eee!”

On the other end of the Zoom, Jason was clapping and whooping excitedly, matching his brother’s energy. 

Travis then patted his lap, inviting you to sit down to, one, get you off your feet and, two, make it so your face was also visible in frame. 

“This is the moment we’ve been waiting for, folks!” you heard Jason boom theatrically as you put on the AirPods Max that Travis had set aside for you ahead of the recording. “Wyatt and Elliotte have been asking every day since they found out what a ‘cousin’ was when they were gonna get one, asking why Uncle Travvy and Auntie don’t have babies like me and mommy, telling them they can take Bennett home with them if they wanted…”

Travis cackled, throwing his head back. “That is a true statement,” he said as he held your hips firmly. 

“1000%, can confirm,” you added, wrapping your own hands around your husband’s. He squeezed your fingers a few times, and you threw him an adoring smile over your shoulder as his brother continued. 

“And we all know Mama Kelce has been hoping for this for years now. So this is obviously something the whole extended Kelce family has been anticipating for a long time, and it’s finally here, and we couldn’t be happier for you guys,” Jason said, tone more serious now. 

“Aww, thank you, my brother,” Travis said fondly, pressing a reverent kiss to your shoulder. 

“Yeah, thank you, Jase, so much. We’re so excited to finally give the girls a cousin!” you said. 

“Now, tell us how this happened,” Jason began. 

Travis cleared his throat. “Well, you see, Jason, when two people love each other very much-”

The older brother rolled his eyes and interrupted. 

“You know what I mean!” he insisted. “Just tell the people however much you wanna tell ‘em.” 

Travis looked to you as if silently asking for permission, and you simply gestured toward the camera. 

“Go ahead, Trav,” you said, a jesting tone to your voice. “I know it’s something you’re very proud of, so please share with the class.”

With that, Travis turned back toward the camera and waggled his eyebrows, getting as close to the mic as possible. 

“Well, folks… we made us a Super Bowl baby,” he said dramatically before letting out his signature cackle. You simply deadpanned to the camera, Jim Halpert-style, and shrugged.

Jason nodded emphatically. “You suuure did,” he said with a knowing laugh. “You knew I was having a kid right after the Super Bowl and you wanted to jump on the train.” 

You and Travis exchanged a devilish glance.

“Yeah, something like that,” you joked, knowing that jumping on Jason and Kylie’s train by conceiving a baby mere days before she gave birth to their third was certainly not your original plan. “I mean, what better Super Bowl souvenir could you ask for than a baby?!” you said wryly, causing Travis to look into the camera haughtily. 

“A Lombardi, a ring, and a kid,” he said, counting off on his fingers. “Alright nah,” he repeated, far too pleased with himself. 

“That’s awesome,” Jason said, still smiling. “Now, how are you feeling? I know it was a tough road there at first.” 

You nodded, and you felt Travis’s hold on your waist tighten protectively, maybe even subconsciously. “Yeah, I was pretty sick there for a few months, couldn’t get ‘out of the house’ a whole lot, much to this podcast’s dismay, but thankfully, that mostly passed when my first trimester ended,” you explained. “We don’t wanna necessarily share our exact due date, but I’ll say I’m well into my second trimester now and I’m feeling good. I’ve gotten to enjoy not only just the relief of feeling better but also the excitement of sharing this with friends and family – obviously, Mama and Papa Kelce, you and Kylie, all my family, and we just started telling the team, too, which has been really fun.” 

“Aww, that’s the best,” Jason remarked. “What was Big Red’s reaction?”

Travis piped up at the mention of his head coach. “Uh, to no one’s surprise, he looked me dead in the eye with the most serious fucking look on his face and said, ‘surprised it took ya this long, son,’” he revealed in his best Andy Reid voice, making you shake your head in amusement. 

“Yep, nope, does not surprise me one bit,” Jason said, giggling. “And what about your boy Mahomes?”

“Aw, man, Pat was so pumped up, and Brittany, too,” Travis replied. “Pat just started runnin’ laps around his kitchen yellin’ ‘let’s go! let’s fucking go!’ He ‘bout knocked me over!” 

“Yeah, those two have tagged us with babysitting duty on the regular for a couple years now, ever since Sterling was born, hoping that we would catch that baby fever and give her a playmate,” you added, laughing as you looked down at Travis. “I can’t say that’s necessarily what happened, but, um, either way, Sterling and Bronze will have another little team buddy to play with here soon which will be so fun to see. Brittany and Patrick have both been so great for both of us, just letting us know kind of what to expect, things that you might not learn in all the books or from your parents who did this a few decades ago. Especially with us all being on the same team, even just getting the lowdown on the logistical stuff, those two are just the best. They’re super excited for us which is just a really great feeling.” 

“No doubt – I’ve got a feeling this will bring you guys even closer,” Jason mused.

“Absolutely – already has,” Travis said. “So, yeah! That’s the big ‘New News’ for today, everybody. We’ve been keeping this on the DL for quite some time, and we just wanted to be able to share this ourselves in the way we choose, because obviously with camp starting tomorrow and the season just right around the corner, cameras might catch some footage of Mrs. Kelce visiting camp, in the stands, whatever, and we didn’t want people to be weird, so… y’all heard it here first!”

“Damn straight,” Jason asserted. “And just one more thing… I wanted to say, before our mom-to-be hops off here. I, uh… aw, fuck, I swore to Kylie I wasn’t gonna cry,” he said, sniffling as he fixed his eyes toward the ceiling, blinking repeatedly. 

“Aww, Jase!” you murmured as you watched him tear up. 

“I’m good, I’m good,” he assured, still sniffling as he continued. In the corner of the screen, you could see your husband beginning to well up, too, and you caressed his thigh soothingly as he sat in poignant silence. “I just wanted to say that when Travis told us the news, that was truly the happiest I have ever seen my brother – and this dude has been drafted to the NFL, he’s been a Pro Bowler, All-Pro, broken so many records, won two Super Bowls. But by far, the happiest and most excited I’ve ever seen this guy is telling us that you’re having a baby. And as his big brother, that just makes me so fuckin’ proud.” 

You and Travis were both pawing at fallen tears by now, and Travis could only manage a quiet “thank you.” You patted his knee and, after a deep breath, shared your own thoughts. 

“Thank you, Jase, and while we’re making each other cry–” both brothers chuckled at that, “–I’ll say that I know Travis is going to be the best dad, not only because of the incredible man and husband that already he is, and the way you both were raised by your own amazing parents, but also because of the example you have set for him, Jason, by being such an awesome dad to your three girls.” You paused and took a deep, shuddering breath, and Travis rubbed your back to calm you. Jason was nodding, tears streaking his face. “So thank you for that, and for all your love and support through everything, and Kylie’s, too. You guys are gonna be the greatest aunt and uncle this kid could ever ask for, and Travis and I can’t wait to watch that.” 

Travis let out a whistle, cheeks, nose, and eyes pink from crying. “Uh, I will never make it through this episode if I add anything more to that, so I will just say, here here, baby girl,” he offered with a laugh. “We love you, brother.” 

“I love you guys, too,” Jason said as he finally regained his composure. “Whew! Yeah, how the fuck are we supposed to keep recording after all that?! Can we just be done? I am emotionally exhausted. I need a nap.” 

As Travis giggled boyishly, you agreed, “I do, too, so I’m gonna leave you guys to it. Thanks for having me, guys; thanks for giving me a baby, Trav; and good luck at camp, Jase. We’ll talk soon.” 

Travis tapped the outside of your thigh pointedly, his frequent way of silently requesting a kiss. You grasped his chin to peck his lips as Jason thanked you and said a final goodbye. 

“Have a good nap, mama,” Travis cooed as you took off your headphones and returned them to their original spot. “Daddy’ll be up as soon as we’re done,” he added playfully.

You laughed and rolled your eyes, shoving his shoulder as you stood up and exited the frame. 

“Oh, Jesus, he’s already calling himself ‘Daddy,’” Jason complained with a weary sigh.

___

Normally, after wrapping an episode, Travis would bound up the stairs and infuse your home with all the leftover energy he had built up during the podcast recording with his brother. One of your favorite things about him co-hosting the podcast, in addition to loving the scheduled opportunity it created for him to connect with his brother, was how buoyant of a mood he was always in after a recording.

But today, the feeling that settled over your household when he wrapped the episode about an hour after your surprise guest appearance was much less chipper.

Today, Travis trudged upstairs to do the one thing he’d been dreading all summer – say his goodbyes to you before leaving for training camp. Though camp at Missouri Western State University was only about an hour from your home in the outskirts of Kansas City, he wouldn’t be home again for five days; instead, he’d be staying on campus with the team and bunking in a dorm. Normally, departing for camp and knowing he’d be spending days on end with his teammates focusing on making themselves better football players excited him, save for a hint of sadness about being away from you, but this particular camp, having to leave his five months pregnant wife at home, he was not looking forward to by any stretch of the imagination. 

When Travis pushed open the basement door, he found you lounging on the couch with your back to him, legs outstretched on the plush cushions as you cradled your bump, some version of the Housewives franchise playing on the TV in front of you. You tipped your head back onto the arm of the couch in order to see him and asked, “how’d it go?” 

He took advantage of your position to rest his thumbs on your cheekbones and give you an upside-down “Spider-Man kiss.” 

“Went great,” he answered curtly, a vastly different response than the pumped-up recap you normally received. “That was the easy part of today,” he added, gazing down at you with his brow furrowed. Even upside-down, he was struck by your captivating beauty, which only tightened the lump already forming in his throat. 

Did he really have to fucking do this?

You groaned, drowning in your own feelings of dread, and sat up, signaling the dogs at your feet to follow your lead. You reached out your hands in order to allow Travis to help you up from the couch and gave him your bravest face as he did so. 

“I’ll walk you out,” you said, feigning confidence. But the crack in your voice when you added “can’t have you showing up late” revealed the crack in your armor, and you watched Travis’s chin drop to his chest, his eyes fixed on his shoes as he forced himself to take one… step… at a time closer to the front door. 

One foot in front of the other, Travis.

You led the way, fluttering your eyelashes repeatedly in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. The dogs circled your feet as you attempted to walk out the front door, and Travis, fearing a fall, whistled and called them back into the house, patting both their heads as he passed.

When the two of you reached Travis’s Range Rover, already packed with all he needed for camp – duffels full of clothes and shoes, an array of video game consoles, deck of cards and set of pong balls for the inevitable team drinking games, and all his favorite snacks, along with a secret handwritten note you’d tucked into his toiletry kit in order to surprise him upon his unpacking – you stood a couple of feet apart, quiet, your husband shuffling his feet beneath him as you shifted your weight uncomfortably from side to side. You gazed up at him helplessly, a rigid, lips-only smile fixed on your face, and he took this moment for yet another reveal, sifting through his shorts pockets to find what he’d grabbed on the way out the door.

“I know this sucks, sweetness, but… I do have a surprise for you…” He dangled a set of keys in front of you which you noticed were not his. 

“New car?” you teased halfheartedly, recognizing the worn key fob to your Porsche after a moment. 

“Mm, not quite, we got a baby on the way, ya know? Gotta save that coin,” Travis teased right back. “I think it’s better than a new car.” 

You raised your eyebrows, staring at him expectantly. He let it marinate in your brain for a few more moments, finally breaking when you threw your arms around his waist, pressing your baby bump to his torso, and whined his name. He beamed. 

“Alright, alright, you know that’s gonna work every time now,” he admitted, giggling. He caressed your jaw with his knuckles and you noticed the glimmer in his eyes. “Listen, I know you’re sad because I’m leavin’, but you gotta get on the road, too… because you gotta go pick up your mama from the airport.” 

You gasped, covering your mouth with both hands. 

“Really?” you whispered after a stunned pause. 

“Really,” he confirmed, nodding. 

You’d only seen your mom once since finding out you were having a baby, and Travis had noticed that your pregnancy had you feeling more homesick than usual. Especially with so many of the Chiefs better halves, who would best understand this phase of your life, having scattered for the offseason, and with Travis’s own mom and sister-in-law living halfway across the country, he felt awful that you didn’t have your mom nearby during this exciting, but unsettling, time. Knowing, too, that you always struggled being apart from him in those first few days of training camp, he had preemptively arranged for his mother-in-law to arrive in Kansas City just as he departed for St. Joseph, hoping that that would alleviate at least some of your loneliness at this delicate time when you were already feeling unusually vulnerable. 

Travis melted when you threw your arms around him again, this time desperately, not jokingly. He rubbed your back, beaming when he heard you whimper, “thank you.”

“Of course, sweetness,” he replied warmly, burying a kiss in your hair. “Anything to keep baby mama happy.”

You giggled, resting your chin on his sternum and tipping your head up to look at him. 

“Yeah, you’re pretty good at that,” you praised, fondness thick in your tone as you rested a hand against his neck. “When does she land?” 

Travis glanced at his watch. “Just over an hour,” he informed you. “So don’t rush. You got plenty of time.” A proud smile slowly stretched across his face as he added, “I got a lot of fun stuff planned for y’all this week.”

Your eyebrows lifted, your excitement building by the minute, and Travis watched your face light up with each word as he continued. 

“You guys are gonna do a spa day tomorrow, got you a suite at the Royals game the next night, then you’re gonna come see me at camp, obviously, because I wanna see Mama, too. And then you’re gonna go run around and do your registry for your baby shower, because she knows all the stuff we’re gonna need, and weeee… do not,” he admitted, laughing. 

The corners of your mouth pulled down as your face contorted, eyes welling with tears, and Travis could see that you were overwhelmed with emotion, humming a laugh as he guided the side of your head to rest against his chest. 

“And that’s why I waited to tell you – because I knew you’d cry every other hour ‘til she got here,” he told you, only half joking, as he hugged you tight.

A giggle bubbled forth from your lips. “You were right, like always,” you said, voice tight, so appreciative of how well this man knew and cared for you. “You’re so thoughtful, Trav, thank you so much.” 

“I mean it when I say literally an-y-thing for you,” he repeated, emphasizing each syllable. “I love you so much,” he said as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. And after a deep sigh, he regretfully mumbled, “And now I gotta go.” 

You pushed away from him slowly, your left hand lingering on his broad chest as he looked down at you with what had to be the saddest expression you’d ever seen him wear. He gathered your hand in his and pressed a lengthy kiss to your wedding rings, then the skin around them. 

“Go be great,” you whispered, smoothing your other hand over his stubbly cheek.

Travis’s eyes closed and he drew a deep breath, committing the feeling of your touch to his memory. With a final squeeze of your fingers, he forced himself to back away and open his driver’s side door. 

As he climbed into the seat, he pointed at you and said firmly, “You and that baby stay safe while I’m gone, alright?” 

You nodded weakly, trailing a hand from the top of your bump to the underside. “We’ll do our best, Daddy,” you promised as he shut his door, the window rolled down. 

At that, Travis’s eyes filled with tears – he had known it was only a matter of time until it would hit him, leaving you for the first time for more than a day since you’d found out you were expecting. And seeing you, hand on your belly, standing in the driveway alone as he started his car and prepared to pull away for the better part of a week… yeah, that did it. 

He blew out a controlled breath through pursed lips, putting every ounce of his will into putting the car in drive and coasting toward the front gate to leave. 

He could see your lower lip quivering even from afar, and it sent a zing of anxiety through his entire being — though he’d never enjoyed saying goodbye, he’d never once felt anxious leaving you for camp. Until today.

“I love you, Mama,” he called out the window, inching slowly toward the gate. “I’ll see you in a few days.”

You nodded. “Okay,” came out in a croak. “I love you, too.” 

“Be good,” he forced out. 

You nodded again, but didn’t trust your voice to allow you to respond with words. You simply waved one last goodbye as he did the same, forcing a signature Travis Kelce smile and wink while simultaneously trying to keep his shit together in front of you.

But as he passed through the gate and down the drive, watching you shrink into the rearview mirror and finally disappear as he turned toward the freeway, his breath caught in his throat and he broke down, tears blurring his vision as he pressed ahead down the familiar route. For a minute or two, he simply let the sobs wrack his body as he swiped at the ever-flowing tears with the back of his hand, letting out the occasional frustrated growl, usually saved for a missed ball in the end zone. As he attempted to calm himself down, he glanced at the recent calls list on his car’s hands-free device.

And, moments later, in suburban Philadelphia… 

Jason hadn’t been off Zoom for more than twenty minutes when his phone rang with a call from his kid brother. Smirking knowingly at the screen, he situated five-month-old baby Bennett in her bouncy seat and tapped the green button.

“Figured I might be hearing from ya,” Jason answered the call.

Sniffling and confused, Travis blinked a few times. 

“You did?”

Jason let out a chuckle. “Yeah, you just said goodbye to her and now you’re, what, three miles down the road to camp?” 

Travis was quiet and rubbed a heavy hand over his face. 

“Five, but… yeah,” Travis mumbled.

Jason hummed as if impressed, gazing at his oldest two daughters who he swore just yesterday could barely hold their own heads up and were now talking animatedly amongst themselves as they dressed and posed Barbie dolls in their prized pink Dreamhouse. “Well, then, you made it two miles further than I did before I called Mom my first training camp when Kylie was pregnant with Wy, so, props.”

“Really?” Travis inquired.

“Hell yeah, dude. It’s the worst fuckin’ feeling,” Jason responded, the sensation still visceral. “Leaving your wife and unborn baby to go live in a dorm with a bunch of sweaty dudes… it goes against every instinct in your body.” 

“Yeah, for real… And I used to love camp, too,” Travis sighed. “I just feel so guilty, man.” 

“I know. But you’re doing it to provide a sick ass life for her and that baby — you’re making sure they’re set for life,” Jason reminded him. “You just gotta focus on that as best you can.” 

The smallest of smiles pulled at Travis’s lips. “That what Mom said to you?”

“Of course — you think I came up with that on my own?” 

Travis giggled at that — the way only a big brother could make you do, even in the midst of misery. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Trav. I promise you,” Jason told him firmly. “You did the right thing flying her mom in; she knows who to call in the off-chance something does go wrong; and… uh… and she knows she’s got our support because she’s calling Kylie right now,” Jason finished, handing his wife’s phone to her as she approached the coffee table where she’d heard it ringing. 

“Is she really?” Travis asked, both relieved and more upset knowing that you, too, were seeking comfort from his brother’s experience with Kylie. 

Jason and Kylie shared a sympathetic glance before she answered your call, and as he walked down the hall out of her earshot to allow you both privacy, Jason replied, “Sure is. And as you know, she couldn’t have picked a more perfect person to lean on right now. This isn’t easy by any means, but we’re here for you guys. So are Mom and Dad, Brittany and Pat, so many others. Remember, this is day one — it does get easier from here.”

Travis trilled his lips as he exhaled, his body already relaxing thanks to his brother’s encouraging words. 

“As much as I hate to admit it, that’s a great point,” Travis conceded. “Thank you, bro. I appreciate you more than you know.”

“Anytime, Trav. Always in your corner. Love you, brother. I’ll check in when I’m back at camp too.”

“I’ll hold you to it. Love you, Jase. Bye.”

[somuchbetterthanthat]

The reason why I need to rewatch the first three episodes of Arcane S1 is because I had genuinely forgotten Sevika was technically with Vander before she was with Silco and that fascinates me.

Vander lost her loyalty but not Silco, because he didn't have time to - would she have rejected him as well, if she'd learnt that he was planning on refusing to give up Jinx for Zaun's independence, the WHOLE reason they'd done all this ugly shit, the Whole reason she'd stayed loyal to HIM and not try to take power herself? Because she was more certain that HE could succeed in freeing Zaun than everybody else? Like I know she says in S2 specifically that they're not giving Jinx to Zaun - but that's after the Council blew up, without her having ever knowing there was another option before that.

I'm also crazy about her relationships with the sisters. Her genuine surprise when Vi shows up at the Last Drop for the first time. Like! If she was hanging with Vander's crew for years (even if maybe she was also already working with Silco? Again, need to rewatch, etc.) she saw Vi grow up. Vi knew her enough that Sevika's betrayal was still violently hurting years later. When you look at the way Sevika and Vi are brought against one another.... Do you think Sevika was another model for little Vi? Did she want to EMULATE HER???

And on the opposite side, Sevika DESPISES Jinx, that she most definitely saw grow up this time around. She's crazy! She's a liability! Silco gives her everything and anything she wants and never lets her suffer any consequences because he loves her to bit! Did she see in Jinx the hint of the weakness that had "plagued" Vander? Had she gathered the danger of Silco following Vander's steps by choosing his kid over the cause??

And yet. Despite it all. They both grieve for Silco (would Sevika and Vi, in another world, have grieved for Vander? How CLOSE was Sevika from Vander??) and Sevika is ready to use Jinx's insane actions to keep the cause going. Cause she, above all else, prioritizes Zaun. Like. When it all comes down to it, Vi and Jinx might be the emotional heirs of Vander and Silco; but Sevika and Ekko are the true heirs of Silco and Vander's ideals.

Im sad the show didn't have more time for her in arc 3, because she deserved it, imo. She's so interesting, the way she thought she had to put herself behind other figureheads her whole life,... the way she tries to take the mantle on her own but the show first says.. no.. people will folllow the blue hair girl... the people need the SYMBOL, not just the pragmatic realistic, down to fucking business angry woman.... she herself believes that too much to get on top of things... right til the end? I wish we'd had ONE more scene where she does, in fact, succeed in becoming the leader herself.

Anyway. I'm rambling again. I'm sorry. My point is. Post S2 Ekko, Sevika and Vi grudgingly building a new future for Zaun together (Jinx hiding in the vents, as ever, etc. helping in the shadows).

The whole gang carrying SUCCESSFULLY what Vander and Silco had failed to do by falling apart.

[innxrvision]

So long - pt. 2 𒂭

part 2 of 3 ------------ 𖦹 tags: james hetfield x reader, fluff, smut, best friends to lovers, bet, 80s james, a little angst if you squint ♱ a/n: here's part 2 just like i promised! Also... this got too long again and I had to split once more, I'm sorry. Next part will be the last hopefully! I'll probably only be able to post it on wednesday or thursday tho, but we'll see how things go! Thanks to everyone that has been reading and liking my story, it truly made me happy!

𖦹 part 1 𖦹 part 2 𖦹 part 3

Both of you entered the bar already chatting excitedly, just as you imagined, whatever disagreement that came between you two couldn't last long. You and James' friendship went way back.

"Let's get you a drink." James' playful smile made you smile involuntarily back.

He ordered two beers and raised his glass after you two settled down on a table near the wall, on a spot where the soft yellow light shined right on James' blonde locks.

"To making up!" He said, the smile never leaving his lips.

"If you say so." You shrugged, raising your glass too, but there wasn't any hint of resentment in your voice.

"I really am sorry about what I've said to you earlier. I never wanted to hurt you." He repeated his apology sincerely.

You shrugged again in response, not wanting to make a big deal out of it again.

"What has gotten into you anyway?" You asked genuinely curious before taking a sip.

"I don't really know." He admitted and you could sense some embarrassment coming from him. "I guess my emotions were all over the place and I took all on you. I truly hope you can forgive me."

You just nodded in response, you could easily understand his side.

Soon one beer became two, then three… and before you could realize it, both were a bit too drunk, laughing obnoxiously loud at each other's stupid jokes.

At a certain moment, while James were rambling about his new guitar, your mind wandered as you studied his features under the soft light. The unruly blond hair now gained a different shine, the blue eyes seemed more vivid, and the skin covered by acne suddenly got a different charm to it.

You've known him for years, but, for some reason, the realization that he had grown into a man only hit you now. It's not like you haven't noticed his changes at all, you could admit the boy you knew had gained the charms of a man a long time ago, however, something at that bar made it all become more evident. Maybe it was the alcohol speaking. Regardless, you just stayed silent, lost in your thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?" James' voice cut through your mind, his eyebrow quirked in confusion. "You're looking at me like I have two heads or something." He added, a chuckle coming out of his lips.

You snapped out of it as soon as you heard him, your cheeks heating up in response to his question.

"What?" You laughed nervously "Sorry, just got lost in my thoughts for a moment, go on."

James grinned, finding your flustered expression too amusing to let it go.

"I must really put you in a state to make you blush like that." He took another sip of his beer and kept grinning at you. "What were you thinking about before? I'm curious now."

You tried your best to appear bored and rested your elbow on the table, putting your chin on top of your hand.

"Nothing. Just… Work."

He studied your face and the playful expression he had before turned into a smirk.

"You're hiding something." He teased. "You're a terrible liar."

You rolled your eyes, pretending to be offended by his observation.

"I'm not!" You shot back. "I said it's nothing. You're too curious for your own good."

"Come on, tell me." He nudged your shoulder. "It's not fair if you keep it a secret."

"Not fair? What? Don't you have any secrets?" You scoffed.

"Of course I do. But your secrets are much more interesting to me right now than my own." He leaned closer and raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "So spill it. What were you really thinking about? Was it a boy?"

You looked at him incredulous, just wishing he would drop the subject.

"You can't be serious." You looked with concern in your expression at him and he laughed in response.

"Oh, I'm being serious. You were blushing so hard, so it must be a boy." He grinned, crossing his arms. It was clear that he was enjoying messing up with you. "So come on, spill it. Is it someone I know? Do you want me to hook you up?"

"No! What? You're crazy." You couldn't believe he thought you wanted him to hook you up with somebody.

"I know you're thinking about someone, just tell me already. Who's the lucky guy?" He pressed again.

"There's... No one!" You were starting to get frustrated.

"Oh, please. You can't fool me, I know you. You were obviously daydreaming about someone." He raised an eyebrow again and you had to take a deep breath in order to control yourself. "Is it one of the guys? Lars maybe? Or... Is it Kirk? I know you two are very close. You got a thing for him?" His voice dripped with amusement, it was clear he was enjoying teasing you.

"What?!" You opened your mouth in shock as he started pointing names. "I've never...! I never liked Kirk! Where did this come from?!"

"I can see the way you look at him sometimes." He chuckled, it seemed like he was testing you. "If it's not him, then who is it? I won't leave you alone until you tell me."

"Kirk is like a brother to me!" You said offended, your cheeks getting hot once again.

"You're protesting a little too much. I know you're hiding something from me." He studied your blushed face in silence for a second "Well, whoever he is, we can play matchmaker and set you up on a date." He batted his eyelashes dramatically at you and laughed.

"Why are you so invested in being my wingman? Who says I need one?"

You were getting tired of this talk. One second of distraction staring too much at him and now you had to deal with James playing guess by himself. He already loved getting on your nerves, but whenever he got drunk that would get worse.

"You've been single for almost a year now." He grinned. "I just want to help you find someone to share your life with."

You couldn't believe he decided to throw that on your face. Ouch. You sighed and looked around the bar for a second, trying to find a good response.

"Why don't you worry about your own love life?"

He chuckled again, shrugging off your comment.

"You know I don't do long-term relationships." He said casually. "I'm more of a one-night-stand kind of guy." He winked and that irritated you.

You looked down at your hands, trying to navigate your feelings. For some reason, hearing that he had been sleeping with other girls made you feel jealous. You tried your best to not seem affected, but James noticed the shift in your reaction.

"What's wrong with one-night stands?" He asked, his tone playful.

"I just think it's gross." You cursed yourself mentally for your childish response.

"C'mon... You're such a prude." He rolled his eyes and teased you, nudging at your arm. "One-night stands aren't gross, they're just casual fun. You should try it sometime, it might loosen you up a bit." There was that smug grin again that made you heated.

"I don't need to loosen up, I'm fine the way I am." You tried defending yourself. "And also, I'm not a prude."

"Sure, keep telling yourself this." He shrugged, that grin only growing wider at your frustration. "But deep down, you're just a boring goody-two-shoes who wouldn't know how to have a good time if your life depended on it." He continued. "Bet you've never even been on a proper date before."

You scoffed. Yeah, he made a habit of teasing you and yes, that would worsen whenever he drunk, but tonight he seemed even more invested in driving you nuts. "Is it just the alcohol?" You asked yourself.

"Of course I have!" You crossed your arms. "I can have fun just fine. I just think the girls you hook up with are gross."

You tried attacking him, but it was clear that your response only amused him even more.

"Gross, huh? Interesting choice of words." He leaned closer once again. "Does that mean you think I'm gross too? For hooking up with random girls?" He waited for your response, staring at you.

"I've never said that." You regretted mentioning his hookups and sighed.

"I know you're judgmental of my dating life." He leaned back and shrugged. "You're probably just jealous that I'm getting some action and you're not." He smiled triumphantly.

"Who says I'm not getting some action?" You tried your best to sound convincing but your attempt only made him laugh.

"Oh, really? With whom exactly? A pillow? A stuffed animal?" You blushed and he caught your reaction. "I knew it. You don't have anyone. Which is why you're so sour and uptight because you're not getting laid." He taunted.

"You're such an ass." You looked away and rolled your eyes. "It's none of your business, maybe? Just leave my love life alone, please." At this point, you had given up winning this conversation.

"Alright, alright. I'll leave your non-existent love life alone." He raised both of his hands in surrender. "But if you need some advice on how to get laid, come to me. I'm something of an expert, y'know?" He winked playfully.

"Like I would take your advice." You laughed sarcastically, seeing the perfect chance to annoy him back. "Bet you don't how to please girls at all." You added, certain that this would drive him crazy.

In response, he just smiled and shook his head. A different reaction that you were expecting.

"Oh yeah? You think I can't satisfy a girl?" He said confidently and leaned closer to you once again. "In fact, I bet I could satisfy you better than any other guy you've ever been with."

You stopped in your tracks, wondering if you heard him right. "He's just trying to get a reaction of me." You thought to tranquilize yourself.

"No way. Bet you take like... One minute." You decided just to keep teasing, trying to give him hell back for being so annoying.

"You think I'm that bad?" He raised an eyebrow with a smile on his lips. He then went silent for a second and something in his expression changed. "How about we make a bet then? If I can't please you better than anyone you've ever been with before, I'll do the dishes at your house for a week. But... If I do a good job, you have to take me out on a date."

"What?" Your mind went blank with shock and you felt a wave of heat from the embarrassment go through your entire body. Everything was all fun and games until now, but now you were just dumbfounded.

James noticed the shock in your expression and bit his lip, realizing he may have overstepped, but it was too late to take back now.

"Just hear me out. It'll be fun, it's just a harmless bet." He said quickly. "We are friends, right? What's wrong with having some fun?" He tried.

You couldn't even look straight at him now. It's true that you've been getting more and more attracted to him, but since you were best friends, you never expected this kind of proposal to come from him. Was it the alcohol? Was he just trying to prove a point? Your thoughts ran a 100 mph, trying to decide what should you do.

"I..." You started, then shook your head in an attempt to clear your mind. "Fine, it's a bet."