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daphwritesworld · 2 months ago

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i am SUPER EXCITED to share this with you guys !! this was my first time co-writing with someone and i’m loving it so far!! look forward to more co-written fics in the future 😉

the biggest thanks to @kemptyrian for letting me write on this fic! love ya bestie 🫶🏽 can’t wait to write this series with you

I’m Not The Enemy

Lucy Bronze X Ona Batlle X USWNT Reader

Summary: USWNT goalie reader has found herself entangled with two of the best defenders she has laid her eyes on, but what happens when readers past trauma get the best of her. Will the three be able to overcome the hardships that seem to find them at every turn? Will reader and Ona be able to coexist at club level?

Warnings: Suggestive themes, Angst, Foul Language, Bad Mental Health and Self Deprecation. If I missed one please let me know!

This is Part 1 of a series me and my co-writer have been working on. If you have suggestions or anything let us know. Also thanks @daphwritesworld for being amazing!

Anything in Italics is Catalan or Spanish

Many people told you loving two people at the same time wouldn't be easy, but no one told you it would feel this lonely.

I met Lucy and Ona many times on the pitch. It was never a dull moment being a keeper and watching the defense players work their magic. I always noticed just how well they played, probably in a bit of a creepy way, but how can you not stare at beautiful women who seem to be effortlessly talented.

Ona and I got close playing at Manchester United, but never did we cross the line of friendship until after Lucy Staniforth’s wedding in Dec. 2022. That’s where things get blurry. I don’t truly know how it happened. One minute we are dancing the next Ona is whispering in my ear about just how amazing I looked. The passion I saw in her eyes made my stomach flutter because how could this perfect woman be looking at me like that. I also knew from watching her the whole night that she had eyes for a certain someone else. I wasn’t planning on being the fall back plan. One too many drinks and a dare together ended up with three of us in bed that night.

To say I was a coward for a bit after that was an understatement. The moment I woke up with Ona and The Lucy Bronze in my bed I bolted. I can’t explain why, but I never felt I deserved them both. How could these two women who hit it off instantly also want me.

I never saw the way Ona looked at me when I walked the other direction at trainings and avoided her as much as I could. She sure didn’t make it easy and neither did Staniforth. Lucy S. confronted me about how bad Ona was hurting after a particularly grueling training session. All I wanted was to do was be alone. The coaches were already on my back about my performances recently during training and in matches and were having talks of loaning me out if I couldn’t get myself together. Little did they know it was one of our players that kept me distracted.

The day of training was really like any other. Grueling keeper drills with the coaching staff kept me busy away from the rest of the girls for the majority of the day. When it came to scrimmaging at the end to see if we could incorporate everything we worked on throughout the day things really fell apart. Why did they have to put her on my team? I wouldn’t have lost my cool with all my defenders if it wasn’t for the fact I was on edge myself.

It was already 1-1 and my defenders weren’t talking to each other causing another ball to get past me. That was the final straw that broke the camels back as we say back home.

“What the hell was that! Sprint next time!” I shouted the second I got up from my unsuccessful dive to stop the ball. The sheepish looks they give me started to make my blood boil even more.

“How dull can you be to not have seen that run coming?” My voice only seems to strain the more I thought about how simple it should have been for them to halt the offense in their tracks, but also more than that I’m angry at myself for not saving the ball when I know I could have. I had been saving balls like that all day with the coaches. So why couldn’t I do it just now?

I feel my feet start to take me towards them but I’m stopped in my tracks by a firm grip on my shoulder. I quickly look at who has decided to put their hands on me when I come face to face with Lucy. How did she get to me so quickly and without me noticing her coming, but the look on her face makes my brain stop for a second.

“What the hell are you shouting at them like that for? We are all trying to make this work and if I’m being honest that was Lessi pulling off an amazing run and you know it so get your head out your ass!” Lucy says in a more exasperated tone than what I’m used to hearing from her.

The coaches whistle blast through the air and pulls my attention away for a second only for them to tell us that it was enough training for the day. I go to take a step away but her grip has not let up. I turn my attention towards her again only to see her watching the others leave the pitch.

Only when it's just the two of us does she look at me again. Her eyes soften just a tad bit but still are showing just how disappointed she is with me. I see her take a big breath and I know I’m in for it now.

“What has gotten into you lately? Ever since my wedding you have been shutting everyone out, and you are so angry all the time. Talk to me or if not me please talk to Ona. You guys used to be inseparable. She is always asking me how you're doing and I can't even give her an answer because you aren’t talking to anyone.” The desperation in her voice only grows as she speaks to me. I feel my body deflate at her words.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” I almost whisper as I look down to my cleats. I feel the walls that I have been building slowly falling apart.

“Don’t you dare push me away too. Just tell me what I can do to help.” She continues to plead with me.

“I fucked up okay! I slept with my best friend and The Lucy Bronze at your wedding! I ruined everything! I have no one left! You should be mad at me as well! I slept with your bridesmaid! Your friends! Our teammate.” I’m shouting now and have finally gotten loose of her grip. I don’t even realize I was crying until she is slowly bringing her hands to my face as if I’m a scared animal. Her thumbs wipe away my tears and she brings my eyeline down to meet hers.

“You haven’t messed up. If Ona is as worried about you as she seems then you just need to talk to her. I need you to take some deep breaths though before you pass out on me.” She is looking at me with such tenderness but the joking way she tells me to breathe makes me chuckle the slightest bit and makes my body relax more than I have since that night.

“Thank you. I know I’ve been a dick and I’m sorry.” I try to go about explaining myself more, but I feel myself being pulled into an unexpected hug.

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” She mumbles out. “But you stink and are sweaty so let's hit the locker room.” She adds with a chuckle as she lets me go and gives me a small shove. We walk towards the locker room and I feel my body finally release the tension that I had bottled up. Maybe I can fix things.

————

The derby’s were the hardest games yet. Watching the two women play on the same field was awe inspiring, but left me so distracted that it got me benched. To say I was not the same was an understatement. They were always on my mind, but I felt I couldn’t have them even after my talk with Staniforth. They seemed so happy talking after the match that I had to depart the field to the locker room before I made a fool of myself anymore than I thought I already had.

The disappointment of my performance was getting harder and harder to overcome. My thoughts had started to spiral as I made my way to my locker. I knew if I took an ice bath I could pull myself together a bit after that performance. The ice bath was my favorite choice of post match after care. No one seemed to like it much so I always found myself alone being able to reflect on the game.

I let my shorts fall to the floor exposing my favorite pair of compression shorts. I pull out my extra hair tie from my bag and throw my discarded shorts into it. I pull my jersey up closer to the band of my bra and tie it in front of me and tuck the back of my jersey into the bottom of my sports bra band. Nothing irritates me more than dealing with the extra soggy clothing after the ice bath.

The overthinking only comes to a halt when my body sinks into the tub, the icy waters clawing at my skin and ridding me of my worries. A sigh escapes my lips, frustration taking hold as my body relaxes.

I think back on the match, going over every play that could’ve gone differently. The crisp sting of the bath helps keep my nerves at bay, gnawing away at the aches and pains riddling my body. I let myself lean back, sinking further as my mind clears. My hands come up to run across my face, taking a second to rub the sleep from my eyes. I hadn’t even realized how tired I was till now– too caught up in the match, my feelings, and everything else swirling around in my mind.

I don’t just crave sleep, but real rest. For my mind, body, and soul. To truly be at peace with my career, myself and the two women who haven’t stopped plaguing my mind. It’s like they’re haunting me. I see them around every corner, in my dreams, and constantly popping up into my thoughts unprovoked. I must’ve been zoned out, too lost in the peace and quiet taking hold in my mind to notice the knock at the door, or it creaking open followed by a set of footsteps echoing through the room.

“Hey, you alright?” It’s a slightly accented voice I know far too well. A voice that’s tormented me recently…or at least one of them. I don’t raise my eyes from the ice bath in front of me. How can I look at her when I’m slowly falling apart?

Ona startles me even more by lightly grasping my chin between her fingers and making me look at her eyes for the first time since the wedding. Her eyes are deep pools of coco and are slightly squinted in worry. I can’t help but try to pull away but her grip gets more firm and my only option is to avert my eyes.

“Look at me… please let me in” she whispers into the room with such desperation. It brings fresh tears to my waterline. I did this to her. I made her feel this way.

I take a sharp intake of breath, grit my teeth and steel myself as I let my eyes drift back to hers. I don’t feel I deserve to be having this moment let alone with her looking at me with such softness after the pain I put her and Lucy through.

“You deserve better.” The words slipped out before I even planned on speaking. I watch as her eyebrows draw even closer together. Shit I shouldn’t be looking at her like this when she’s not mine.

“I don’t understand.” I barely hear the words. It’s like they weren’t meant for me to hear. “You left without a word and we woke up alone.” She speaks louder this time but I can hear her voice wobble. God how I missed the way she spoke. She was never confident with her English, but now it seems like she knows she has to get her point across.

I have to choke back the lump that has formed in my throat from those words. Maybe I was wrong and they did want me. No damn it get your shit together! I clear my throat to make sure my voice comes out strong.

“You know my past, Ona. I’m not worth the trouble for you or Lucy. Let’s just go back to how things were.” As I say this I shake my head a bit to emphasize my point which finally makes her let go of my chin.

“I can’t do that, and no can Lucy. You are lying to yourself if you think you can too, not after everything we’ve all been through.” She gets out after she has to compose herself a little. I know speaking in English right now is a struggle for her. I can see the hesitation in her eyes as she speaks.

“Then just forget about me! You have each other, why do you even bother with me?” I’m almost shouting because she is not listening. My past is the only thing running through my mind. I always get left behind or forgotten so I leave before they can.

“You know I can’t!” She grits out. I never expected anger to be the emotion that took hold of her. “You are digne!” This comes out in a louder tone than I've ever heard from her. (worthy)

“I don’t need pity…” I choke back on a sob that wants to bubble out of my throat. “Especially not from you.” I start to feel the beginnings of a panic attack and I know I have to get away before she has to help me through another one.

Hurt flashes across her face before she whispers the next words, soft enough to wrap around my heart and squeeze it till it stops beating. “It’s not pity, tu idiota. It’s love,” her voice cracks as tears start to well up into her eyes. “But I can’t force you to feel it back.” (you idiot)

It feels like my throat’s closing, battling away the tears that sting to come up and mirror her own. “It’s not about what I feel,” the Spaniard scoffs at that. “It’d never work out okay. So for all of our sakes just…let it go. Please.”

“You can’t even admit it to yourself, can you?” There’s a pain lingering under the rage in her eyes. I let out a frustrated sigh, “Admit what, Ona?”

“Que ens estimes,” my simple understanding of spanish can still pick up on what she says. “Just say it and I'll leave.” (That you love us.)

I can’t take it anymore and go to get out of the bath, but to my surprise as soon as I have stood up Ona’s eyes drop. Fuck! I’m half naked having an argument and about to drop into one of the most inconvenient panic attacks of my life.

Ona’s eyes widen, dropping to my exposed form before her. It has a blush rushing to coat her skin. Blossoming across her cheeks, nose, and tips of her ears. She looks pretty like this, just like when she’s laid out underneath me. All flushed and out of breath, heart beat blocking out any and all other sounds. I find myself smirking at just how affected my body makes her and find the panic easing. How can this woman make me feel this way?

I feel myself calming at the thought that I still have this effect on her. Maybe I was overthinking everything after all. Ona still has her eyes firmly planted on the water drops rolling down my toned stomach and I know exactly where her mind has wandered off to.

“Ona.” I try to catch her attention, but have no such luck.

“Oni!” I say a bit louder and still nothing. That’s it. I place my hooked pointer finger under her chin and force her to look up at me.

“My eyes are up here pretty girl.” My smirk deepens along with my voice as I end up purring out the last bit. I knew how to keep her attention on me, and somehow she has helped me come back from the brink of panic without doing much.

Her sight flickers up to meet my own, that familiar hazy glaze cast over her eyes. She’s so soft spoken as she breathes out her next words, a smirk every so slightly pulling at her lips. “I know. M’agrada la vista.” (I like the view)

“I know you do Oni, but you can’t get lost like that when we are talking.” It takes everything in me to not bring her lips to mine. I keep my eyes firmly on hers as I watch her slowly come back from the memories. I know how she’s feeling. I can still picture those special moments from that night. They never leave me but to see they are still affecting her the same way they do me tells me so much.

She huffs out at that, a pout gracing her lips. “But we weren’t talking,” her eyebrows knit together. “We were arguing.”

I can’t take it anymore and smooth the creased skin between her brows with my thumb. Her hands find my arm, caressing it so lightly– like she’s scared I’ll disappear again. I lean in towards her, resting our foreheads together as my hands move to cup her face. I feel her relax against me, content to just exist in this moment for as long as permitted. “Okay,” my voice is so soft I barely recognize it. “You’re right.”

“Sempre tinc raó,” she scolds me. But there’s no real bite to her tone. (I’m always right) I can’t argue with that, when it comes to Ona…she’s very rarely wrong. As infuriating as it may be at times…I wouldn’t change it for the world. That mouth of hers, so quick to tear into you when provoked enough. She’s sweet and sharp all in one, layers I’ve seen peeled back and laid bare. I didn’t even realize how close we are, at least not until I feel her breath brushing along my cheeks and dusting my eyelashes. It tickles a little, a small chuckle escaping my lips. That has Ona sending a small slap to my arm, a playful look overtaking her features as she pulls back enough to study my face. “And what’s so funny, huh?”

She’s so close now, an inch of space separating us. I can feel where her breath’s shifted to blow against my lips, so close yet so far. I can still feel her— taste her on my tongue. Her gaze floats between my eyes and my mouth, and I can see the gears turning in her head. I can see the hesitation, the uncertainty. She’s scared…and she has every right to be. But that doesn’t stop me from slowly leaning in, testing the waters as our lips brush against each other. We stay like that for a while. Breathing each other in, finding comfort in the intimate ambiance we’re building.

But then it all comes crashing down. The serenity surrounding us shatters with the screech of a ringtone echoing out. It pierces through the room, bouncing off the tiled walls that hold the secrets we’re both too scared to speak. We jump away from the embrace, the crisp air smacking me like a ton of bricks when the warm weight of her body leaves mine. It pulls and tugs at my insides, strangling my heart as I wrestle my emotions down into my stomach. They claw and scratch like bile burning up my throat, trying to find a way out as I swallow them back down. I’m only pulled away from my thoughts by the sound of her voice, “It’s Lucy.” And I know exactly which one she means just from the way she says it— like a whisper of a prayer.

“Go ahead. I’m finishing up anyways, I’ll get out of your hair.” I don’t even give her time to respond, legs moving to climb out of the tub and rushing off before her mind can catch up with my departure. The air in my lungs burns, my body begging for me to stay despite my head telling me something different.

And my heart? I’ve learned to tune it out at this point. Never letting it hope, dream, or want. At least I tried, you know what they say. The heart wants what it wants, but I’ll keep ignoring it. I’m quick to throw on some new clothes, chucking my wet ones into my duffel bag before zipping it up and fleeing the training grounds. My skin feels like it’s on fire as I think back on my interaction with Ona. How close she was, how we shared the same air. It has my head spinning in circles, searching for the right answer in a swarm of wrong ones.

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daphwritesworld · 2 months ago

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love that i was able to help : D

now everyone go show some love to my name twin dvd :D

The final shot: Everything works out in the end

Daphne van Domselaar x Chelsea!reader

a/n: Read pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, and pt.4 first, before reading this one.

Also, this is my first time writing smut, so please be kind :)

Summary: When you finally decided to go talk to Daphne, after a month not talking to her.

Warnings: Smut

Word count: 11.5k

Big thanks to @daphwritesworld for helping me with the smut :)

a/n: I got a bit too carried away with this fic, icl hihi.

It had been a month, a month since Arsenal had won the Champions league and a month since Daphne had kissed you in her hotel room in Lisbon. That night was a complete blur. One moment you sat with Leah at the table, handing you a beer and the other moment, you got pushed against the wall and kissed like it was the end of the world. You were back in London, in your own apartment.

The afternoon sun filtered through the windows, birds outside were singing their songs and the honks of cars every now and then. Time moved, but for you, the time was still with Daphne her lips on yours, her fingers tracing the curves of your body. You had pushed her away that night, before it could get out of hand. Ever since then, your mind has been a mess.

You wanted to be angry with her, you really did, but god, those confused eyes after you had pushed her away that night were carved into your brain. You remembered how small her voice was, how it was shaky and trembling. How her hands were trembling at her side, her eyes were glassy and her lips were swollen from the kiss. You didn’t want to replay that night in your head, but it did, over and over again.

You stood in your kitchen, leaning against the counter, a glass of water in your hand, but still fully filled. Daphne hadn’t contacted you and you hadn’t contacted her. You didn’t know if you were waiting for her or that you just didn’t want to, because you were afraid that you let your feelings be real.

What you had said to her in Lisbon was true, you still cared about her with your whole heart, but you had pushed her away and yelled at her with so many accusations, that you thought that it would be too late to reconnect. You picked up your phone and opened Daphne her contact, your thumb hovered over the phone icon, but you never pressed it.

You laid your phone back down and just stood there in the kitchen, the thought of calling or texting Daphne still in the back of your mind. You thought about what you could say or if you should say anything. Did she want to hear your voice? Did your hurt push her away? Had she really given up on you after what happened in Lisbon?

The questions stormed your mind, but you didn’t have an answer for any of them. You shook your head and moved to the living room, the full glass of water forgotten on the counter together with your phone. You laid on the couch, a blanket loosely around you and you stared at the ceiling, but your mind wouldn’t stop with the questions that would be left unanswered.

Time passed, but you stayed on the couch, the tv humming in the background after you had turned it on, but not paying attention to it. You looked at your knee that wasn’t covered by the blanket over your lap. The scar was still visible, not completely healed, but enough that you didn’t need bandages anymore. You closed your eyes briefly, the moment of the match flashed by, but it got replaced by the moment in Daphne her hotel room.

You still felt how her hands were on your waist, her mouth on yours, how she pressed you gently against the wall and how her fingers danced on the heat of your bare skin. You winced light at the memory when you had pushed her off you. You remembered the look in her eyes, hurt, confusion and the look of scaredness, that she would lose you all over again. It hurt you thinking back to that moment, but your mind didn’t seem to mind, because every time you closed your eyes, those memories resurfaced like a tidal wave.

“Why did I say those things?” You whispered to yourself and thought back to what you had said. You know you shouldn’t have, but with Daphne sitting in front of you and saying, “I’m sorry”, like it could erase everything that happened between the two of you. “You’re a coward Daphne! Grow the hell up!” Those were the last things you said (yelled) to her, before you left and didn’t give her a final glance.

You stood up from the couch and walked back to the kitchen counter. You took your phone and this time searched for Leah her contact and called her. You pressed the phone to your ear. You tapped nervously on the counter with your free hand, while the phone rang once, twice, before she heard the defender’s voice. “Hi, y/n. What’s up?” Leah her voice came from the other end of the line. You were quiet for a while, the only sound Leah heard was your breathing.

“Are you okay?” You cleared your throat and nodded, but realized that Leah couldn’t see that. “Yeah, I am, just-” You trailed off, not really knowing where you were going with that sentence. “You need someone to talk to?” Leah her warm voice came through again and you smiled to yourself. Leah always knew what you needed. “Yes, please.” You said with a groan and heard Leah giggle on the other end of the phone. “Alright, our usual coffee place?” Leah asked and you hummed, already thinking about your order. “Great, see you in an hour?” You hummed again and said your goodbyes, before hanging up the phone. You placed your phone back on the counter and moved to the bedroom, getting yourself ready.

First you took a quick shower and brushed your teeth, and changed yourself. You hadn’t really thought about it, but you didn’t know what you should say to Leah, if you should ask about Daphne or let Leah start that conversation. You stood in front of the mirror and put your hair in a ponytail, before moving from the bathroom to the kitchen. You took your keys from the kitchen counter and walked to the front door. The door clicked shut behind you and you locked it. You let out a long breath, before walking down the hallway.

You arrived at the busy café 40 minutes later. The ‘little wonder café’ was filled with people, cutlery hit the plates, coffee machines were pouring coffee and little kids were playing in the kids corner. You moved through the café and spotted Leah in the corner near the window that had the view of the Emirates Stadium outside. You moved closer and Leah spotted you, a smile appeared on her lips as she stood up from her seat.

“Hi.” Leah pulled you into a hug and you returned it, before you both pulled back and sat down. “How are you?” You shrugged, because honestly, you didn’t know how you were and what you were feeling. “I heard you got called up for the euro’s.” You said with a smile, but it didn’t reach your eyes and Leah saw. “You would’ve been called up as well, I hope you know that.” Leah her voice was soft, almost careful, afraid to strike a nerve.

“Yeah, well, unfortunately that isn’t the case.” You whispered and traced the edges of the menu with your fingers. The two of you fell into silence. Your mind was full with all the things you wanted to ask Leah, but you didn’t know how and if you should. “Have you made a decision?” A waitress asked when she reached your table. The two of you ordered and the waitress walked away, leaving you and Leah in silence again.

“Can I say something?” Leah asked and leaned with her elbows on the table, and you met her eyes. “Depends on what you’re going to say.” You stated with a small smirk, which earned a soft laugh from the blonde defender. “She hasn’t been herself, ever since that match.” Your body tensed at the ‘she’, you knew who ‘she’ was and a sickening feeling formed in your stomach. You didn’t say anything, you just waited for Leah to continue.

“She hesitates every time a player runs at her, afraid that the same thing will happen and you know Daphne, she never hesitates.” You nodded slightly with your head, letting Leah her words settle. “She always throws everything she has in a match or in training, but the team misses the fire she once had.” You closed your eyes briefly, you hated that Daphne was feeling that way and it was partly your fault, because you hadn’t given her time to breathe when you showed up in front of her hotel room in Lisbon.

“I yelled at her and I shouldn’t have.” You whispered, your eyes on the table where you were still fidgeting with the menu. Leah opened her mouth, but closed it again, when the waitress arrived at the table with your orders. “Here you go, enjoy.” The waitress placed your coffee in front of you and you handed her the menu, before the waitress walked away again.

“What did you yell at her?” You looked up, while stirring through your coffee with the small spoon. “I don’t even know anymore.” You lied, of course you did. The words you yelled have been on a loop in your mind. Leah looked at you, not really believing what you just told her. “y/n, you don’t need to lie to me.” Leah her voice wasn’t disappointed that you lied to her, it was warm and soft and that made you relax just a little.

“I yelled at her that she ruined my career, that she gets to play the game she loves, that she hadn’t contacted me after the match and that she hadn’t visited me during rehab.” You finally stated and you waited, waited for Leah to judge you, but when you met her eyes again, they were not judgmental, they were full with understanding. “And before I left her hotel room, I yelled that she was a coward and needed to grow the hell up. I didn’t give her a second glance after that.” Leah nodded slightly with her head, taking a dip from her coffee.

You looked down at your own mug, tears stinging in your eyes, but you blinked them quickly away. “You know? I always loved the two of you together,” Leah started out of nowhere and you frowned, because Leah had never said that out loud. “the two of you were always so close, always touching or always whispering in each others ears, like you were telling each other a secret.” You smiled softly at all those memories, your heart doing a little flip.

“I kissed her back, you know?” Leah frowned, not knowing what you meant. “In Lisbon.” You clarified and Leah now nodded in understanding, remembering the talk the two of you had outside of the hotel. “Did you want to kiss her back?” You didn’t answer the question immediately, not because you didn’t want to answer it, you just didn’t know if it was true that you wanted to kiss her back.

You shook your head, leaving the question unanswered and Leah smirked just a little. “What?” You asked with a suspicious voice and Leah only shook her head, but the smirk was still there. “You didn’t answer my question.” You blinked, Leah her straightforwardness taking you off guard.

You bit your lip and let out a defeated sigh. “Maybe I did.” You murmured under your breath, Leah barely caught it, but she did. “Then I know what you should do.” You raised an eyebrow, giving Leah a questionable look. “Which is?” Leah laughed softly, because she knew that you knew what she meant, but you didn’t bite.

“Really, y/n? You’re going to be like this?” Leah asked with a smirk and you shook your head, a small smile tugged at your lips. “Go talk to her. Even if it doesn’t work out, you know that the two of you need to talk.” Leah stated and you sighed, running a hand through your hair. You knew that Leah was right. You and Daphne needed to talk, not a screaming and yelling kind of talk. No, you really needed to just talk.

“It’s not going to be easy, is it?” You asked with a sigh and looked at Leah, who shook her head. “It never is with an ex.” Leah stated simply and you groaned, rubbing your hands over your face. You already hated what was going to happen, but it needed to happen, for your and Daphne her sake.

You sat in the park, Leah and you had said your goodbyes 30 minutes ago. The conversations you had were still in your mind and one in particular, the one where you needed to talk to Daphne. In your mind you have been thinking about what you could say, but nothing seemed right.

You looked around you, children were playing or feeding the ducks, couples walking past, people reading on a bench with a book in their hands and you just sat there, like a statue. Your eyes wandered to a bench under a tree and your heart skipped a few beats, it was the same bench where you and Daphne had your first date, and kiss. You closed your eyes, thinking back to the memory, where everything was perfect.

Flashback

It was a warm and sunny afternoon, you walked next to Daphne, who had a bag full of everything in it. Today would be your first date. The days after Leah her birthday party were weird, sure the two of you texted and called, but the word ‘date’ never came out of either of your mouths. Maybe it was because you both didn’t know if it was serious or that you were still testing the waters of what the two of you were to each other. But one evening, when you were sitting on the couch, your phone rang and when you answered, the sentence, “will you go on a date with me?” Daphne had spoken.

It was the first thing you heard and then nothing, like Daphne needed to say that first, before she would back out asking you and didn’t have anything else prepared. You of course said yes, so here you were, on a bench under a tree in the park. Daphne had her camera with her, she told you that she loved photography as a hobby. It was something she did when she had a free day or when she was injured, it was just something to take her mind off of football for just a day.

You just watched with a smile how Daphne took pictures of everything she found interesting, but she quickly put the camera away, because it was a date, one where she was very nervous for. “So, what did you pack?” You asked with a smile and leaned your head on Daphne her shoulder, once she had sat down next to you on the bench. “Well, I didn’t really know what you liked, so I just packed things I think you would like.” Daphne stated with an awkward chuckle and rubbing the back of her neck.

Daphne wasn’t good at dates, sure, she had been on a few, but none of them were where she had asked the other person out, so this was completely new territory for her and it was terrifying. “Are you allergic to peanuts?” You shook your head and saw Daphne taking out a bag of peanuts. Daphne started to talk fast and ramble a lot of things together that didn’t make sense, so you calmly put your hand on her shoulder. “You know that-” Daphne her ramble continued, but you cut her off with your hand in the air.

“Daph, breath, please.” You said softly and Daphne closed her mouth, her cheeks were pink and she folded her hands in her lap. “I’m talking too much, am I?” Daphne whispered embarrassed and looked down at her hands in her lap, but you titled her head back with your fingers under her chin, forcing her to meet your eyes. “Yes, you are, but it’s pretty cute.” You whispered and Daphne let out a nervous chuckle, but smiled.

The rest of the date continued. It was filled with laughter, light touches, leaning in closer to whisper something into each others ears. The conversations were easy, no awkward pauses and thinking about what you could say to fill the silence. The two of you hadn’t even realized, until the sun dipped lower, that it was starting to get late, the night air made you shiver every now and them, and Daphne? She noticed. “Here.” You barely had time to look up, until you felt the warmth of her jacket put around you.

Your hands were freezing, so you were fumbling with the zipper. Daphne giggled softly and reached out, her hands brushed yours, before she helped you with the zipper. “Better?” You nodded and now looked up, your faces only inches away from each other, Daphne her hand rest on top of yours. Her free hand tucked a stray of hair behind your ear, her fingers lingering there longer than necessary.

“So,” Daphne started, her voice in a whisper. “hypothetically, would it be weird if I asked my date if I could kiss them on the first date?” You giggled softly, your hands resting on her shoulder and you titled your head, pretending you were thinking deeply. “Well, hypothetically, I think it depends on if the date doesn’t kiss you first.” You teased, playing with Daphne her hair in the back of her neck.

Daphne hesitantly leaned in closer, her hands slowly found your waist, grounding herself in the moment. You closed the last gap between you two. Your lips met in a soft but hesitant kiss, like testing the waters to see if both of you wanted this. You felt Daphne her lips move gently against yours, her hand slowly and hesitantly found your neck.

Your hands brushed her knees and eventually you rested them there. Daphne pulled back a few inches, breathing heavily, her forehead rested against yours and her hand still gently against your neck. “That was-” You said with a breath, but you didn’t really know how to finish it. “I know.” Daphne simply said and your lips brushed at her words.

“I’ve been wanting to do that ever since Leah her birthday party.” Daphne murmured hesitantly, afraid that it would freak you out and that it was too fast. You let out a breathless laugh and moved your head, which rested now against Daphne her shoulder. “I’m glad you did.” You hummed and Daphne pulled you closer, your arms loosely around her waist. This was the best first date you could’ve asked for.

Present

You didn’t know how you ended up in front of Daphne her apartment complex. The walk to here was a blur. You walked through the city like a tourist who was afraid to ask for directions, but you knew the direction to this complex, you knew with your eyes closed. You stood there for a while, until a resident entered the building. You moved quickly, because you couldn’t bring yourself to press Daphne her buzzer.

You slipped just in time through the door, which closed automatically behind you with a click. Your heart hammered against your chest. You still hadl time to turn around and forget that you ever were here, but your legs wouldn’t move and when they did, they only moved forwards. You let out a long breath, before moving to the elevators. You pressed the up arrow once you reached the doors of the elevators.

You waited, it felt like hours, like the world was giving you a chance to turn around and then ‘ding’. The elevator door opened and you stepped inside, you still knew what floor Daphne lived on, still knew her apartment number, like you still came here everyday after a long training. It was weird to walk through the hallways you knew so well again, it was weird, but something in your chest fluttered.

The walk to Daphne her apartment door was long, too long or maybe it was because you were walking so slow that it took so long. After what felt like hours, you reached her door. There were no things hanging around it or a plant standing next to the door, even though other residents in this hallway had decorated their door.

You lifted your fist, it was inches away from the door, but you lowered it seconds later. “What am I even doing?” You whispered under your breath, afraid that Daphne would hear it from the other side of the door. You turned your head to the end of the hallway. You still had a chance to go, to just leave things how they were, but you knew that it would give you peace. You needed to talk to her, even if it meant that it wouldn’t work out. The hallway was starting to go dark, the only light came from the lights on the ceiling.

The light from outside started to fade, it was getting dark outside, the sun dipped lower and the moon started to rise. You kept hovering in front of the door, shifting your weight from one leg to the other. You pressed one hand flat against the wooden door, the cold giving you some sort of comfort and grounding you, while your heartbeat hammered in your ears. You made your flat hand into a fist against the door. You only needed to pull it back and knock, but your body was frozen, even though your mind was screaming ‘knock! Knock! Knock!’

You shut your eyes and you were a second away from knocking on the door, but you lowered your fist at your side and you took a step back from the door. Your mind was a mess with all the things you wanted to say, even though you hadn’t rehearsed it. How could you rehearse it? How could you be thinking about what you could say when you hadn’t even planned on coming?

You felt yourself breathing faster, your heart hammering harder and harder against your ribcage, like your heart would jump out of your chest. You didn’t know what to expect when you would knock on the door. Would Daphne look through the peeking hole and let you stand there? Would she open the door and say something, but not let you in? Would she do the same thing she did in Lisbon, leave the door open and give you a choice? Or would she pull you inside? The questions swarmed your mind, but no answers came.

You only would get an answer if you just knocked on the door. “Okay, just knock.” You whispered to yourself, hoping to encourage yourself, but it didn’t sound convincing to yourself. Your voice was small and fragile, and it wasn’t sure, knowing or brave. You didn’t move to the door, you just started pacing in the hallway. The only sounds were your footsteps on the ground and the sound of doors closing of other apartments from the other hallways. You felt like a damn coward, the same word you had yelled at Daphne in her hotel room.

You hated yourself for not knocking on the door, everything else was already a fucking mess, nothing could make everything more fucked up than it already was. You closed your eyes and leaned against the wall next to the door, and you bended down with your hands on your knees, trying to get your breathing under control.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, before standing up straight and pushing yourself gently off the wall. You stood in front of the door for the third time again, your hands trembled at your sides and your fingers twitched. You felt your stomach twist, but you ignored it, you needed to. You raised your fist, it was only inches away from the door.

You let it hover in front of the door, not quite touching, but you felt the door brush your knuckles that had turned white, because you had tightened your fist, your nails digging into your palm. ‘just fucking knock’ you thought and you gently placed your fist on the door, it wasn’t a knock. You just let your fist rest against the cold surface. You took one final breath and before you could even think about it again, you knocked, the sound echoing off the walls in the hallway.

Your heart started to beat faster once more, but the door stayed closed and you didn’t hear any footsteps from the other side. As the door stayed closed, you went to your last resort, you knocked two times, then paused and then knocked three times with pauses between knocks. You waited, hoping that the routine knock the two of you had would help and then, you heard footsteps behind the door, the lock clicked and the door started to open.

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Daphne sat in her living room. It was dimly lit by the lights of the kitchen and the only sound came from the tv that was on, with a rewind match of Arsenal against Chelsea last year. Daphne hadn’t put the channel on, on purpose and Daphne wasn’t really paying attention to it, but her head would shoot up when the commentator said your name. Daphne her chest would tighten with something she couldn’t quite place. Pain? Guilt? Shame? Or all of them combined?

Daphne stood up from the couch and headed to the kitchen. She had put down all the pictures of you or you with her, just to give her some sanity in all the chaos in her mind. Daphne opened the cabinet and took a wine glass and poured herself a glass. She didn’t need to worry about matches or training, because the season was done. Daphne leaned against the counter, the glass filled with wine in her hand and she took a sip. Daphne her face contorted.

She didn’t really know why she had wine in her house, probably because of you, because you loved to have a glass of wine every now and then. Daphne stared out of the window, stirring the wine, but not really drinking it anymore. Daphne sighed lightly, she had stood so many times in this kitchen and imagined your laugh and voice, your touch and your pout when Daphne wouldn’t let you taste test dinner. It was the small things of you that helped Daphne to not fall apart completely.

Daphne hovered near the counter with a now empty glass in her hand, and she lowered it, the soft click echoing through the apartment. It startled Daphne more than it should have, but it had been quiet the whole day, so the loud noise took her off guard. Daphne took out her phone and opened her contact list and pressed yours, and she hovered with her thumb over the call button.

Daphne her finger was inches away from pressing it, but she put her phone down, clattering on the counter and nearly missing the glass. Daphne walked back to the couch, letting herself be caught by the cushions and her head rested back against the couch. Daphne looked at the ceiling, the wine didn’t really kick in, not how she thought it would. She had hoped that it would calm her mind and let the storm of questions leave, but it didn’t.

Daphne turned her attention back to the tv and the shot was with you and her after the final whistle. On the screen you both kept your distance, but your fingers would brush lightly against each other. Daphne her pulse quickened and she swore that she felt a breeze against her fingers, but you weren’t there, not next to her on the couch, not brushing your hand against hers, just like on the screen. Daphne felt tears in her eyes at the sight on the screen and the thought of when you were still here, but she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, before they could fall.

“I lost you for good.” Daphne whispered, the words stinging the minute they left her mouth, because she didn’t want to admit it. This whole time, Daphne had her hopes and had to rebuild it after what happened in Lisbon, but the hope was there. But the second the words left her lips, the stair of hope she had built, crumbled and she fell from it, high and hard.

Daphne leaned forwards, her elbows resting on her knees and her head in her hands. She didn’t cry, she couldn’t anymore. Daphne wanted to feel something, anything other than the hollow feeling you had left in her heart. Daphne turned and laid on the couch, the surface beneath her dipped because of Daphne her weight. Daphne stared at the ceiling, both her arms laid next to her sides. Daphne closed her eyes, hoping that sleep would come or that the lingering pain in her chest would stop.

Daphne turned on her side, one hand under the cushion and her other hand flat besides her. Seconds past, maybe minutes, before Daphne her eyes started to get heavy and started to flutter shut, but then she heard it. It wasn’t loud, it was soft, almost hesitant, but Daphne heard it. A knock. Daphne her brows furrowed, because it was late, too late for someone to show up at her door. Daphne assumed that it was just her neighbor who came home drunk from a night out.

Daphne her body relaxed, but then those knocks came. The knocks that were far too familiar to her and only one other person could know, which was you. Two fast knocks came, then a pause and then three other knocks came, with pauses between them. Daphne froze on the couch, hoping that her mind was again playing tricks on her, just like it had done for months now. Daphne her heart hammered in her chest and she sat on the edge of the couch again, her palms were sweating, her sweater clung to her like a second skin.

Daphne waited a few seconds before standing up and walked with shaky legs to the door. Daphne reached the door and couldn’t look through the peeking hole, too afraid to see you and that she wouldn’t open the door anymore. Daphne swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, her hand rested on the lock and the other on the doorknob. Daphne her fingers trembled on the lock, the same goes for her fingers on the doorknob. Daphne couldn’t help but think that you were here to yell at her again and leave her again, and she couldn’t handle that, not a third time.

She couldn’t handle another round of accusations leaving your mouth and that you would mean them. Daphne her hand on the doorknob loosened, but she slowly unlocked the lock with a soft click that felt louder than thunder in a storm. Daphne knew that there was no way back now, because you had heard the lock, so Daphne her hand found the knob and turned it, opening the door slowly, almost hesitantly. Daphne left the door open with a gap, not wanting to see your face.

The door was barely open, but when you looked through the gap, you saw Daphne her shadow on the wall of the hallway. Both of you didn’t say anything at first, like the open door was like a wall. You didn’t push the door open further. This was Daphne her choice, open the door fully or close it again. You heard her breathing, it wasn’t normal, but it wasn’t ragged breath either. Daphne on the other side of the door, felt her eyes sting from tears when she heard your calm breaths, but she didn’t dare to look between the gap and look at you.

“Daphne.” You breathed out and Daphne froze behind the door when she heard your voice, her legs almost giving out. “Can I talk to you, without a door between us?” Your voice was soft and hesitant, your body still giving you the chance to go. “If you’re here to yell at me again, just go, because my heart can’t take that too, not again.” You heard Daphne her voice breaking and shaking. Your own heart broke at how scared and broken Daphne her voice was, like it was waiting for you to snap at her.

You took a step closer, your hand pressed flat against the slightly opening the door. The pressure of your hand made the door creek open just a little more and your eyes caught one of Daphne her hands. It was trembling at her side, like only her hand got electrocuted. “Daph,” you started, her nickname slipping from your lips before you could think about it.

“I’m not going to push the door open. If you want me here, you need to open the door yourself.” Your words were soft and sure. You didn’t want to corner her, by entering the apartment by pushing the door open. The two of you stood there, minutes passed and you were afraid that Daphne would close the door, instead of opening it more.

You started to lose hope, but then the door left your palm. You looked up and met Daphne her eyes, for the first time in a month. Ever since that night in Lisbon. Daphne didn’t step aside, her hand still on the doorknob, like she was still arguing in her mind if she should close the door or let you in. You scanned her for a beat. Her eyes looked tired, the light pink flush on her cheeks were visible in the dimly lit hallway and she was wearing her Arsenal shorts with one of your old sweaters that you had left here.

Your breath caught at the sight, the fierce and unbreakable keeper you always saw in Daphne was gone, replaced by someone that wasn’t her. Minutes passed, but then Daphne stepped slowly aside, giving you the sign to walk through the door. You waited a beat, giving her a second to change her mind, but she didn’t. You moved forward and when you passed Daphne, your shoulders brushed lightly, sending shivers down the spines of you both. You heard the door click behind you and Daphne moved past you now.

The two of you stood in the silence of the apartment, the tv had started to play a different rewind match and the fridge hummed quietly in the background. You cleared your throat and shifted from one foot to another, before speaking, “Daphne-” The rest of the sentence didn’t come out, because Daphne her voice cut you off.

“Look, I-I know that, god- this is harder than I thought. I know that I messed everything up and that you hate me. God, I hate myself too, ever since that match, that dive-” Daphne was starting to breathe faster, you could barely keep up with what she was saying, but you couldn’t find the space to interrupt her. “Daphne, I’ve been thinking-” You tried again, but Daphne cut you off once again. “That I’m the worst person you’ve ever met and that happened to you? I know, I think about that every- every morning.” Daphne her eyes didn’t meet yours.

She couldn’t look you in the eyes, how could she? Daphne her breathing slowed, her hands unclenched at her side. “I sometimes dream about missing the ball.” You looked up at her, frowning, confused at what she meant. “I would dream that you came running at me and I would freeze. You would dribble past the last defender and I would blink, and the ball would be in the back of the net, the minute I opened my eyes.” Your heart broke at how fragile and broken Daphne her voice was, tears slowly falling from her eyes.

“In my dream, the minute you scored, you didn’t celebrate. You would fall to the ground screaming and your knee, god, it was twisted in an unnatural way and I stood frozen and then I would wake up, screaming, sweat clinging to me like second skin. My mind reminded me that it was me who had done that to you and I couldn’t take it back, I wish I could or that it was me instead of you. That I was the one who’s leg was snapped in two and that you could run and play the game you love so much,” Daphne was now crying, her knees almost buckling underneath her, but she didn’t want to fall apart in front of you.

“because if I could see you on the field again that would mean everything, that is worth more than a clean sheet, a win, god, I would even trade my Champions league medal, if it meant that you could play again.” Daphne her breathing was ragged and she backup to the counter. She needed something steady to hold on to when you would speak. You let her words settle, your heart hammering in your chest, your eyes glassy from what Daphne had told you. “Daph,” Daphne didn’t looked up, tears still streaming down her face, her body shook at her nickname.

“can you look at me, please?” You asked softly and took another step closer, closing the gap between you two just a little. Daphne didn’t look up immediately, but after a few seconds, her teary eyes met yours that were now glassy, but you didn’t let your tears fall, not yet. You only looked at Daphne for a beat. Tears still falling from her eyes on her cheeks, her lower lip trembled and her body was still shaking. It broke your heart to see her like this, like she was waiting for you to yell and snap at her again.

You hesitated, before closing the last space between the two of you, cupping her face in both your hands, forcing her to meet your eyes once more. You stroke with your thumbs over her cheeks, wiping the tears away that had stopped falling. Her eyes were glassy, her lower lip was still trembling and her body tensed at your touch. “I have been wondering,” you started, your voice barely a whisper, but it was loud in the quiet apartment, your hands still cupping Daphne her face.

“Would you have moved differently if it wasn’t me? If it was someone else running at you with the ball, would you still have gone in that hard? Would you have pulled back?” The tears that had been in your eyes finally fell, your voice cracked when you spoke and your hands trembled against Daphne her skin. “You were supposed to be the one person who would never hurt me. Not like this, not this deep, but you did and I hate myself that I still love you, isn’t that weird?” You laughed bitterly, like you couldn’t understand that you still loved her and were standing here in her apartment, and just a few inches from her face.

You blinked the tears in your eyes away, but they kept coming, your own lip trembling when you parted your lips again to speak. “It told myself coming here would bring closure.” You voice was again in a whisper, like you were sharing a secret that nobody was allowed to hear.

“That after what happened in Lisbon that this would be the last time. That we could properly say goodbye, but the truth is,” Your voice trembled and you closed your eyes, steadying your breathing, before continuing. “I just came here, because I missed you. Because I still feel like you’re the only person who knows me.” You whispered, your thumbs tracing the line of her jaw. “I miss the way you would wake up next to me, how you always tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and let your hand rest there longer than necessary.

I miss how you kissed me, how your hands were always gentle and the words you would whisper. God, I even miss your stupid routine before a match, touching both posts and jumping in the goal to hit the crossbar three times.” You let out a sound that was half a laugh and half a sob, when you pictured her routine in your mind. “I miss.” You started, but a broken laugh from you stopped you. “I miss that you used to talk to the kettle. I can still hear you say it, ‘come on, come on, be useful, do what you’re supposed to do’ like it was a teammate, who didn’t listen to your instructions. It was so stupid back then, hearing your voice so annoyed at a kettle, but I missed it.” You said softly, your eyes and Daphne’s still on each other.

“And when you had poured tea in our mugs, you would make toast and every time, you somehow burned it,” Daphne her cheeks were going slightly red, because she would always say that she could make breakfast, only because you would always burn the toast, but in reality? Daphne was always the one who burned the toast.

“You would swear at the piece of bread, like it personally offended you. You would wave it around and tell me that the bread was purposely making you fail at making breakfast. You would wave it in tragedy, mummering things, but eat it anyway and I missed that.” You smiled and you felt Daphne her cheeks under your palms going warm.

“I missed your voice notes that you would send me, when we would play on the other side of the world. You would send me a ten minute long note, not making any sense and groaning half the time when you would think back to the moment that you were telling me about. I rolled my eyes every time, but even after…. everything, I still listen to them, just because I missed your voice.” You voice was shaky, but it was sure, like you wanted Daphne to know. “I remember, when you asked me how I was after a lost match and I would say ‘I’m fine’ you would tilt your head and give this knowing look, like you knew I wasn’t fine at all. You would take my hand,” You looked at her, one of your hands moved down on her arm, until your knuckles brushed hers.

You felt Daphne her hand twitch, but you took her hand in yours, interlacing your fingers. “just like this and would lead me to the couch. You would sit down first and pull me with you, until my back hit your chest. You would wrap your free arm around my waist, pulling me closer, until you could rest your head on my shoulder and would whisper, ‘Try again and be honest this time.’ I missed that. I miss that I don’t have to explain my sadness, because you, somehow, always knew.” You still had Daphne her hand on yours, Daphne her thumb brushed unconsciously against your knuckles, which made you smile softly.

Daphne her heart hammered in her chest and her eyes met yours again as she opened her mouth, but you cut her off before she could get a word out. “Please, don’t. If you’re going to say ‘I love you too’ then don’t, not if you don’t really mean it Daph.” Your voice was a plea, your eyes going teary again. “If you’re going to say it, just to keep me here, to not lose me again, then don’t say those three words.” You said through sobs and Daphne turned her head away, tears starting to fall from her eyes once again.

The two of you stood there at the kitchen counter, two souls, two hearts, broken and hurt, but not knowing if they would find each other, even if they were just inches apart. You two stood there for what felt like an eternity, one of your hands still on Daphne her cheek and the other still in her hand, not as tight as before. Without thinking, you leaned forward and rested your forehead against Daphne’s, breaths mingling and both closing your eyes. “I love you, I’m sorry.” Daphne whispered and tightened her hold on your hand afraid that you might disappear.

You opened your eyes and Daphne pulled her head back, just so you could meet her eyes. The three words she had whispered stayed in your mind and before you could react, Daphne leaned in hesitantly, both her hands cupped your face gently, her mouth just inches away from yours. “I meant it.” Daphne whispered and leaned in further, her lips met yours, soft and hesitant. Daphne didn’t move, she waited, waiting for you to kiss her back, to know that you wanted this too.

After seconds, you let your hesitance crumble and your hands found her hips, pulling her closer and kissing her back. The kiss started slow, both still testing the waters, but the kiss deepened quickly. Daphne her hands moved from the side of your face to your waist. Your jacket ruffled at Daphne her touch. With a new found confidence, Daphne spun the two of you and your back hit the edge of the counter. Daphne her hands moved up and found the zipper of your jacket.

Not breaking the kiss, Daphne opened your jacket with the zipper. The cold air never hit you, because the warmth of Daphne her body against you didn’t leave any room. The kiss deepened and Daphne slowly pulled the jacket from your shoulders. The jacket fell on the counter behind you, your arms were met with the cold air, but that was soon replaced by the warmth of Daphne her palms that rested on both your arms.

Daphne hands slid from your arms down to your waist and she pulled you away from the counter, pulling you closer against her. You didn’t mean it, but you let out a sigh against her lips and you felt Daphne her lips twitch upwards. “Please,” Daphne whispered against your mouth, her hands loosened on your waist. “if this isn’t what you want….tell me now. I won’t make you stay.” Daphne her voice was shaky, because she was afraid that the same thing would happen, just like in Lisbon.

You didn’t say anything and pulled Daphne closer by the collar of her sweater, crashing your lips against hers. This kiss was not soft and slow, it was harder and sure. Daphne her hands tightened on your waist again, pulling you closer again, if that was even possible. Daphne her teeth bit softly on your lower lip, before easing the sting with her tongue and you let out a sound that was half gasp and half moan, as your lips parted. Daphne her hand slipped underneath your shirt, her tongue moved past your parted lips, a sound was heard from you, sending a shiver down Daphne her spine.

Daphne her tongue started to explore your mouth, just like she had done a million times before and you couldn’t help the moan from leaving your throat, and you felt daphne smile against your lips. Your tongues met, tangling and teasing. Daphne her fingers danced just under your ribs and a small sound came from you again, which made Daphne deepening the kiss more. You moaned again and breathed Daphne her name or it was just a breathless laugh, you couldn’t really tell.

Daphne her mouth eventually left yours, leaving you breathing heavily, your hands on her shoulders keeping you standing, because your knees would buckle if you didn’t hold onto something steady. Daphne moved her mouth to the corner of your mouth, placing a gentle kiss there, before trailing down to your jaw and you whimpered when Daphne kissed the soft spot just beneath your jaw.

“Still sensitive.” Daphne teased with a murmur, her teeth nipped gently against your skin and her tongue after, easing the sting of her little nips. You whimpered and arched into her, your hands flew from her shoulders to her hair, your fingers tangling into her blonde hair. Daphne left open mouth kisses from your jaw to the place just underneath your ear and nipped again, this time a bit harder, earning another moan from your throat and Daphne her hands tightened on your hips just a little when Daphne her mouth left the spot below your ear and moved to your throat.

Daphne left a few kisses there, before trailing back up, but before her mouth could be pressed against yours, you tightened your hands in her hair and tilted her head a little. A gasp escaped Daphne her lips and you pressed your lips on hers, tongues tangled, fighting for dominance and Daphne lost that battle, but she didn’t mind. Daphne tried to gain back some of the control, walked back and pulled you with her towards the couch. The two of you hadn’t even reached the rug on the ground when you were pulling Daphne now. One hand still tangled in her hair and the other slipped underneath her sweater.

When your eyes landed quickly on the sweater she was wearing, a smirk formed on your lips. “You’re wearing my sweater.” You whispered in a husky voice, sending a shiver down Daphne her spine and her cheeks burned red immediately when you finally pointed out that she was wearing your sweater, because you had seen it the minute your eyes landed on her. “Does it have my name and number on the back?” You teased and your mouth trailed to her neck.

You tilted her head back with a tug in her hair, exposing her neck a bit more for you. The sweater was blue, with the Chelsea badge on the left side, so you knew it had to be your sweater. Daphne could only nod to your question, when you sucked at her neck and would surely leave a mark tomorrow. “I need you to say it.” Your voice was commanding and soft at the same time, earning a moan from Daphne.

“Yeah, your name and number are on the back.” Daphne murmured, her cheeks turning red once more, her voice hoarse and breathless from the kissing. “I need it back.” You teased, your fingers on the hem of the sweater and lifting it, only to see that Daphne wasn’t wearing anything underneath it.

Daphne pulled her head back. You saw that her lips were swollen and loose skin from your biting. Your fingers moved over her bare skin. Your fingers traced her stomach just above her shorts and then you let your fingers dragging from her stomach higher, each inch was a silent conversation. Your fingers traced the edges of her ribs and then you felt the light swelling just above from where your fingers rested.

You didn’t let your fingers move further up, you let them drag back down to the hem of the sweater and lifted it, and pulled it over Daphne her head. You rested your hands on her waist, pulling her closer and your lips pressed against hers again. Your tongue slipped past Daphne her lips, after you bit down and let your tongue trace over the place where you had bit. A moan escaped her lips against your mouth and you took in the sound, the sound that you had missed so much.

You pulled back from the kiss, only to let your lips brush against hers. Both your mouths were open, breathing heavily and Daphne her bare chest moved up and down against yours. You took Daphne her lower lip between your teeth again, drawing out another moan, which you got when you bit down a little harder. Your lips twitched upward, before pulling Daphne into another deep kiss. You needed to stand on your tiptoes to deepen the kiss, because Daphne was a head taller than you.

You gently started to push Daphne back, not once did your lips part. You felt Daphne roam your body, only the thin fabric of your shirt was the barrier for Daphne, who wanted to feel your bare skin under her palms, fingers and mouth. The two of you stumbled further through the apartment. Every now and then you heard Daphne moan when you would bite down on her lip.

You removed your hands from her waist and unbuttoned your t-shirt and when the gap was big enough for your head to fit through, Daphne pulled your shirt over your head and threw it somewhere in the room, her hands finally resting on your bare waist. Your lips met again and you backed Daphne up against the hallway wall that led to the bedroom, the same bedroom where the two of you had shared multiple moments like this, but now? Now it was different.

Daphne her back hit the wall with a soft thud, her hands cupped your face and pulled you in for a deeper kiss. You gently took both her wrists and pinned them next to her against the wall, your thigh slipped between Daphne’s, adding the slightest bit of pressure, to make Daphne arch her back off the wall. “F-fuck.” You smiled against Daphne her lips, when Daphne breathed that word out, stuttering and already unraveling.

You let go of one of Daphne her wrists and Daphne her hand immediately flew to your hair, pulling you closer. You moved your lips from Daphne her mouth down to her jaw, leaving open kisses there, before dipping lower to her throat.

You heard Daphne whimper and letting out moan after moan, and you loved it. It was like music to your ears, to hear Daphne like this, you had missed the sounds that she would make. Your mouth moved lower to her collarbone and you sank your teeth into the skin, earning another moan from Daphne, who only tightened her hand in your hair.

You smirked once again, letting out a quiet moan when Daphne her hand tightened in your hair. You pulled back and finally let yourself take in the sight of how Daphne was standing here against the wall. Her body was glistering with sweat, her chest rose and fell, she looked beautiful. You took a step closer, one hand found her hip and your other hand rested on her shoulder.

You leaned in again and kissed her gently, your hand falling from her shoulder to her breast, her nipples already hardened. You took one of her breasts tenderly, your thumb rolling over the hardened nipple and you felt Daphne arch of the wall once more, but your hand on her hip pushed her back against the wall. Daphne let out a whine, while you circled her nipple.

You continued to circled your thumb on the nipple and dipped your head to the other, blowing against the left nipple, sending a shiver straight down Daphne her spine as she sighed your name. You moved closer and let your lips brush against the left nipple, sending a shock through Daphne her body, who’s legs were ready to give out. “y/n-” Daphne moaned, a silent plea for you to wrap your lips around the nipple.

You smirked at the plea and obeyed, your tongue circling the nipple, your thumb still circling the right nipple. “Oh god-” Daphne moaned and pulled you closer to her chest. You left wet circles on her breast and nipple, before you finally took it in your mouth. You sucked once and then again, long and firm. You felt Daphne wiggle against you, her hand tangling in your hair. Daphne her chest rose and fell under your mouth and you bit gently on her nipple and then eased it with flicks of your tongue, a high moan escaping from Daphne her throat.

You continued gently sucking on Daphne her nipple, the sound of your mouth on her breast filling the air. You removed your mouth from her nipple after a few minutes and stood eye to eye with Daphne, who’s breathing was ragged and loose strays of hair stuck to her forehead because of the sweat. You crashed your lips against Daphne’s, after she parted her lips.

Your tongue was already exploring the inside of Daphne her mouth and you pulled her closer by the waistband of her shorts. Daphne gasped against your mouth as you pushed her back and the two of you stumbled into the bedroom. You closed the door with a click with your foot.

The door hadn’t been fully shut, before Daphne her back closed the rest of the door and you flushed your body against hers, stomach to stomach, chest to chest. Your hands rested on the edge of her shorts and you leaned in again, pulling Daphne into another deep and hungry kiss. Daphne leaned off the door, but one of your hands came up to her chest, pushing her gently back against the door.

“Don’t move.” You murmured against her mouth, your hand on her chest moved lower, cupping one of her breasts and squeezed it a little. Daphne arched her back, leaning into your touch, her mouth parted and a moan left her lips. “Fuck, y/n.” Daphne breathed out with a moan, her hands firm on your shoulders, so she could hold herself steady. You removed your hand from her breast and moved it lower to her stomach. Daphne shuddered against you from the touch, sending short shivers through her body.

You moved lower, not into her shorts, but your fingers moved between Daphne her shaking thighs. The minute your fingers caught the wetness through her shorts, a groan left your throat. You moved your fingers slowly against the fabric, making Daphne whimper and moving her hips forward, just to get more contact. Your fingers stayed where they were, with each stroke earning a moan from Daphne, while you kissed the place just under her ear. “You are so wet,” You murmured in her ear, biting her earlobe gently.

“and I haven’t even touched you there yet.” Daphne whined, her hands finding your hips pulling you closer and you couldn’t help but smile against her skin. “What do you want, love?” You whispered in Daphne her ear, removing your hand between her legs and Daphne moaned at that. “You.” Daphne stated breathlessly, her hands tangling in your hair. “I want you.” You pulled back, meeting Daphne her eyes and you brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

You leaned in and kissed her nose softly, earning a soft giggle from her. Without saying a word, you lift Daphne by her thighs, her legs wrapped around your waist as she giggled softly. You gently kissed her jaw, neck, the place just below her ear again, before your lips met. Daphne her arms wrapped around your neck, her fingers tracing lazy circles on the back of your neck, while you slowly carried her to the bed.

Once your knees hit the edge of the bed, you lowered Daphne on the mattress and you followed seconds later. You hovered over her and just admired her. How her air caught the light of the bedside lamp, how her palms rested on the side of your neck and how her mouth was slightly parted, still catching her breath. You moved your hands from her hips to the edge of the shorts, hooking both your index fingers and pulling the red and white shorts down. You dipped lower, kissing Daphne her neck, her chest, giving her nipples attention, before moving lower again, leaving kisses on her stomach. You shifted and moved lower, until you were kissing the fabric of her panties.

You looked up, your eyes locking on Daphne, silently asking if you could continue. Daphne nodded ever so slightly with her head, giving you permission and you gently moved her panties down. Daphne lifted her hips, making it easier for you to take her panties off. You looked down at her. Daphne was so beautiful like this, her breathing still ragged and her chest rising and falling rapidly.

Your hands rested on her hips, keeping her still and you kissed her just below her stomach, and you felt Daphne move beneath you, making you smile against her soft skin. You lowered yourself, kissing both the inside of her thighs, but not yet where Daphne wanted you most. “y/n” Daphne breathed out breathlessly again. She knew that you were just building up the pleasure, but Daphne wanted you, no, she needed you.

“Please.” You heard Daphne her plea, and decided to kiss just higher, the wetness making contact with your mouth. “Relax, I’ve got you.” You whispered against Daphne her wet pussy, before sticking your tongue out and tasting her. “Oh, go-” Daphne didn’t get her sentence out, because you had moved to her clit, sucking and flicking your tongue against it. Your tongue moved between Daphne her wet folds, groaning at the taste on your tongue, while Daphne her hand curled into the sheets.

Before Daphne could crash, you pulled back, your lips glistering from Daphne her arousal. You moved higher and hovered over her, you leaned in and kissed her on the mouth, your tongue against hers, letting Daphne taste herself. Daphne moaned at the taste and you trailed your hands down.

Your fingers finding her wet folds. You hummed softly against her mouth as you slipped one finger inside her. Daphne gasped in your mouth, her eyes fluttering closed when your finger started to move inside her. You moved a second finger in when Daphne had adjusted to the first. Your rhythm was even, still building up the pleasure. You felt Daphne shake underneath you, her breathing came more ragged than before, so you knew that she was close. “I-god, I’m going-” Daphne stuttered between your thrust.

You kissed her gently on the lips, then her neck, before moving your lips to her ear. “I’ve got.” You whispered, fastening your fingers inside her and Daphne her forehead rests on your shoulder. “Let go, Daph.” You cooed in her ear and Daphne moaned when you curled your fingers just right. “F-fuck-” Daphne her words died on her tongue, when Daphne her body arched into you, a broken sound came from her throat, her hands digging into the sheets and Daphne her eyes rolled back, her walls clenching around your fingers.

Your fingers slowed, riding the orgasm out, until Daphne would come back from her high. You kissed her temple, her cheek and whispered sweet things in her ear. You leaned down kissing her gently and whispering, “you did so good baby.”

You dropped yourself gently on top of Daphne, who rested her hands on your hips, drawing lazy circles on both sides with her thumbs. You placed gentle kisses on her neck, no biting, no tongue, just gentle pecks of your lips against her sweaty skin. You gently pushed yourself off Daphne after a few minutes of silence and you saw Daphne her eyes, scaredness in them. “Don’t worry, I’m not leaving again.” You whispered, your hand rested on Daphne her thigh, which was still very wet.

You stood up from the bed and walked into the bathroom. Daphne took a sweater that laid on the ground, which was one of yours. It was the sweater from last year, when you and Chelsea won the league, your number and name on the back of the sweater. Daphne heard you turning the faucet off and appearing again, a wet towel in your hand. You sat on the edge of the bed and started to wipe Daphne her thighs clean, and you felt Daphne shudder when you moved the warm towel higher.

Once you cleaned Daphne her thighs and pussy, you moved back to the bathroom and took a new towel, made it wet and moved back to the bedroom. This time you noticed the sweater Daphne was wearing. “You’re wearing another ‘Chelsea’ sweater of mine?” You asked, the hint of teasing in your voice and you took a seat on the bed again. “They’re warm.” Daphne hummed and you were wiping the sweat from her collar, neck and forehead.

“Yeah, they are.” You smiled and looked at Daphne, who was still numb from what you did to her. You stood up from the bed again and moved to the closet and threw the towel over the radiator to let it dry. Your eyes landed on the red and white jersey in Daphne her closet. You quickly looked back at the bed, Daphne still had her eyes closed, so you quickly took the red and white jersey, and pulled it over your head.

You moved to the foot of the bed and cleared your throat. Daphne opened one eye and sat straight up against the headboard when she saw what you were wearing. “Like it?” You teased, but Daphne her eyes didn’t meet yours, they stayed on your torso, water was practically falling from her mouth. “Hey keeper, my eyes are up here.” Daphne her eyes snapped up and met yours, they had something mischievous in them. Daphne held out her hand and you took it.

Daphne pulled you down on the bed, pulling the blanket over the two of you and she curled up next to you. “You look hot in an Arsenal jersey.” Daphne murmured against your neck, her lips brushing your neck, sending a small shiver down your spine. “Don’t get used to it, because this is the first and last time you will see me wearing one.” You teased with a laugh and Daphne turned her head deeper into your neck. You rested your chin on the top of her head, your hands found each other under the sheet and you laced your fingers together.

The room was quiet now, the only sound came from your breathing, the ruffling of the sheet when one of you would move just a little or when a car would pass outside. “I’m sorry.” You had your eyes closed when you heard it and you frowned, thinking that you heard it wrong, but then Daphne her voice came again. “I’m sorry for the dive, for not visiting you or texting you.” Daphne her voice was small, fragile even, like one accusation could break her.

You opened your eyes and moved a little, but then Daphne her arms tightened around you, afraid that you would disappear. “Daph, I can’t breath.” You said softly, but Daphne her grip didn’t loosen. “I don’t want you to leave again.” Daphne her voice cracked and your heart breaking at her voice, so you pulled her closer, her face buried into your neck once more. “I won’t.” You reassured her, your fingers combing through her hair and Daphne looked up to meet your eyes.

“I never wanted to hurt you or end your career.” Your heart twisted at her words and you leaned your forehead against hers, your noses brushed light against each other. “I know and I knew that the minute it happened, but I was too angry to admit it back then.” You swallowed the lump in your throat and pulled Daphne into a tighter hug. “Will we be okay?” Daphne her question hung in the air, but then you nodded and a small smile on your lips.

“We were okay the minute you let me walk into this apartment earlier.” You whispered into her hair, before placing a kiss into her hair. Daphne shook in your hold, probably still waiting for you to pull away and walk out. You lifted her head with your hand, forcing her to meet your eyes. You saw that Daphne her eyes were glassy, her lower lip trembled. You stroke your thumb over her cheek, wiping the single tear that had fallen from her eye. You leaned in and gently kissed her on the lips, letting it linger longer than necessary.

Daphne froze, before she started to kiss you back, her hands found your neck and pulled you closer. “I love you.” Daphne whispered between kisses. You smiled softly and kissed her again, feeling Daphne her body finally relax. You pulled back and kissed Daphne her temple. You heard Daphne her breath even out, her hands clutching the Arsenal shirt you were wearing, her eyes fluttered closed. You stayed awake a bit longer and thought back about everything that happened.

You maybe wouldn’t step on a football field again, scoring goals and winning trophies, but you had won the best trophy today, one you didn’t want to lose. You looked down quickly, Daphne fast asleep in your arms, her chest rising and falling slow. You shifted gently, not wanting to wake her up and you laid back into your pillow, and you felt Daphne move closer, if that was even possible. You laughed quietly and wrapped your arms tighter around her waist and whispered into the quiet bedroom, “We’ll be alright, love.” You finally let your eyes close, knowing that you would wake up next to Daphne the next day still in your arms.

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