#And I had a dream earlier that was worse but I dont want to talk abt that one

[siobhanromee]

I hate being sick bc the bad dreams just get worse

[coridallasmultipass]

.

[5a-alf]

I have been obsessing over this perfect court!AU and have literally like one irl friend to talk about it with. So.

The thing about Riko is that he never ever ever could have been anything different. He has at least one but probably two personality disorders (narcisism and antisocial i'd argue), which are the result of the abuse he endured. From a young age he was only an object, a spare, or the embodiment of an idea.

Others are redeemable because they are people, but he never really was a person in his own right. So he got worse and worse and worse, and we all know what he did.

I wanted a story where he could have something different, for i feel there is no universe in which he ends in a different way: everything he has is a childish dream, and that would have failed at some point anyway. And with failure comes death. I think his brother would have killed him even without the whole clusterfuck of the last game, just because without Kengo the main line was now only one adult and the 'branch' one was 2, which is one too many. Between Riko and Testuji, killing Riko made the most sense because Testuji had no interest in power, he just liked his dolls; also he was already an expert at his job, while Riko would have to learn/train to fill that role. And obviously age is also a factor, Riko is young, Testuji is middle-aged: for ichirou, a young man, the second is less threatening.

I could go on for hours guys im not even joking

For him to have a different future, he is not even the only thing that needs to change. If he was a good person, he'd have been dead earlier. If he was an okay person too. Maybe as morally gray he'd have the same exact life with a little less enemies.

What needs to change with him is the people he has around, his safety net. He has zero people on his side in canon (And he shouldn't have them, mind, he's horrid. But still, out of every bad person in aftg he is the only one who no one loves), he only has followers and pawns. So for an AU to work, he would need to change in a way that would affect the people he surrounds himself with enough to once again reach the show down with Ichirou and "win" against Testuji.

To do that, i think he needs Neil on his side. Kevin is great dont get me wrong, but he doesnt get it the way neil does. Neil gets the mafia, its way of thinking, its deals and the way power moves. Neil know how to be vicious and how to read people and how to push just enough.

To have a 'good' relationship with neil something needs to go differently during the selling, so that his mom doesnt run away with him. But he'd also need to have a good relationship with kevin first. For him to have a different relationship woth kevin i dont think he'd necessarily need to be better morally, he'd just need to be a better manipulator. In canon he controls people with fear/violence/money, but the best way to control people is actually through love/favors. To train a dog, you better give it treats than beat it. I think this way they would end up with a better relationship but also, the better relationship would in turn make him a better person, and the two things would continue to feed each other.

Neil comes in now. He is 10, Riko and Kevin are 12. The thing with Neil (aside from all i've already said) is that Riko would quite literally own him at this point, the same way he then owns Jean. The main difference between the two situations i think would be 1) their personalities 2) their age. At 16 (Jean 14) Riko is already off the deep end. Waay too deep. But at 12? Different story.

For the first point, mostly i'd say that Neil grew up in an abusive household like jean did, but he knew his father as the butcher, as a mafioso, and he was taught how to use knives ecc as a kid. He knew the drill, he knew the life. Jean was completely uprooted, brought into a different country, told to play a game i dont think he knew anything about. Much more jarring. Neil already loved Exy, he wanted to play it all the time; the sport itself would be a good motivator for good behaviour. Jean was just angry angry angry (fair.) and alone in a different country. So. Not the same. I think Raven!Neil would be the one person on the team not afraid to tell Riko off, but also not afraid of his violence (much more restricted in this au guys), and riko is also not scared of Neil's violence (a bit more than in canon, he grew at castle evermore; he is nathaniel) so they find solace in each other. He'd know when to listen and when to mouth off [Riko saying "nathaniel" vs "neil" and things like that]

Second point is their age, because at 12 riko is more susceptible to change than he is at 16, so building a rapport with neil would prove more beneficial, for all i've said in point one.

Jean would be a harder case. Bringing him to heel is much more complicated, because riko doesnt have anything to leverage against him nor offer him, the guy has nothing to lose anymore and now is not enough of a person to desire anything (well. Anything obtainable. He'd like to be free for sure). I think again a lot of the work would be done by neil (and kevin too obv, but neil mostly, as his partner) because they are the same age, play the same role, are partners. Neil would be a centainty. And this better riko wouldnt be violent to destroy his spirit, he'd be "forgiving" (when useful) and bandage his wounds when the Master beats him, and be generally kind to a kid who is so starved for kindness he'd kill himself to at least get the touch of death. That + group mentality and i think jean would be on board too.

Andrew also factors in all of this, but i'll go on later this has gotten SO LONG and i wont even reread it gosh i hope it makes sense.

Basically this whole thing ends up in: take the insanity that is andreil as a couple but that somehow is the sanest couple out there but extend it to the perfect court 5.

[gragrigra]

Megan Skiendiel x 7th Member Reader (Part 1 - Part 2)

Thing - Smut, fluff? you r gonna view urself a little negatively ig, i dont think this is angsty i dont remember the word, bruh idk, hand holding O_o a/n - CHAT IM SHAKING. So after years of reading fanfics, i have finally written one myself. Guess you could say Megan took my writing virginity hurhur….. anyways, the pace might be weird or sumtn idk. This story feels worse and worse the more i look at this. Hope at least one person can find enjoyment in this! （╹◡╹)♡ Word count - 5.4k

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

You and the girls are in the dance studio, practicing for your newest comeback. Everyone had been at it since 9am, it was now 5pm. The choreographer made you all go through it one more time before calling it a day and leaving.

The girls are packing up their bags and chatting amongst themselves, but you’re stretching. Wanting to practice more.

It wasn’t unusual for you to stay behind after practicing, as the unofficial main dancer of the group, you always strived for the best with dance. But the other girls also know that this isn’t the only reason.

You’re hard on yourself and often put a lot of pressure on yourself, to the point of pushing your body to the limit. You don’t think it’s enough. That you’re never enough. And they know that.

The girls often tried to make you go home earlier to get more rest and to take care of yourself better.

They didn’t know that sometimes, when the thoughts of inadequacy became too overwhelming and loud in your head, that dance was the only way you knew to silence those voices and calm yourself down. They also didn’t know that sometimes, dancing was the only thing keeping you alive.

You sigh softly, standing up straight again. Your body is tired, but you weren’t satisfied with your work in today's practice.

Looking over to the others, you notice that Megan is packing her things a little slower than usual. She had been doing this for the last few weeks. You could tell she was waiting for the other girls to leave so she could stay back and talk to you.

She always did that. Talk to you. Check in on you. Ask if you were okay. Ask how she could help you. It irritated you, but at the same time it filled you with a weird warm feeling. Megan has been like that with you ever since you joined the survival show Dream Academy.

You were the top dancer on the show, always getting praise at the end of month evaluations. And nowadays you’re always getting praise by fans. But no amount of praise could drown out all the negative voices in your head.

And Megan could see right through it.

Megan knew you. She knew you better than you knew yourself, and it made you sick. She was the only person that you felt like truly understood you. But you hated it.

You also hated the way she moved, it’s like magic. An energy around her, that makes everyone want to stare at her forever. Okay, maybe not everyone, but you do.

It made you sick. It was bad enough that she could read you like an open book, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from her whenever you two were in the same room. Not to mention her stupid whisker dimples and cute giggles that made your heart do flips and made your stomach turn with nausea. She should be arrested! She’s a walking distraction!!!!!

“Yoink!” \( >◡<)/

You see Yoonchae stealing your Nintendo switch from your bag in the corner of your eye and snap back into reality. She gives you a shit eating grin as she tries to run out of the practice room. You don’t care, you’ll get it back when you get home. Sophia however notices, and grabs Yoonchae’s hoodie, stopping her right by the door.

Yoonchae turns around to give Sophia the biggest pout, “Whaaaat?? I want to play in the car.” she whines. “It’s fine, i’m gonna stay a bit longer anyways.” You reassure Sophia.

Sophia nods and lets Yoonchae go, but now her attention is on you. “What do you mean you’re gonna stay a bit longer?” she asks, giving you a concerned look.

“I want to practice some more. I feel a little rusty.” you explain, then you hear a snort behind you.

“Rusty my ass!” you turn and see Manon rolling her eyes at you, “I’m pretty sure you’ve never danced this hard for this long.” Manon scoffs.

Daniela walks past you and ruffles your hair, as she talks with a baby voice, “She just wants to dance until she’s all perfect.” She then giggles as you swat her hand away and try to fix your hair.

“You know I think it’s important for us all to go home early and take care of ourselves.” Sophia gives you a stern look, “Even more so when we have a comeback soon.” She continues. “We can’t risk getting sick.”.

“I’ll stay with her.” You turn your head at the sound of Megan’s voice, and suddenly you can hear your heart beat loudly in your chest. What? She wants to stay? Megan usually just talked with you for a few minutes after practice, then went home with the others. This is new.

Megan looks at you, and your heart does another jump, but you keep your face straight and look back at Sophia.

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t overdo it.” Megan reassures.

“Hmmm,” Sophia doesn’t seem convinced and you see Manon walk up to her, her arm coming to wrap around Sophia’s shoulders.

“Let them, we all know she’s not gonna budge anyway.” Manon says, being the ‘chill dad’ as always.

Sophia sighs in defeat. She knows Manon is right. You are the hardest one of the group to deal with, because you’re stubborn as fuck.

You smile and bid the other girls goodbye as they head out of the practice room. Lara, who has been quiet the whole time, being too tired to comment on anything, gives you a hug before heading out herself.

However, right before she closes the door, she pops her head through it again. “Remember to use protection!” she teases and closes the door quickly.

WHAT?! (　ﾟдﾟ)

“FUCK OFF, LARA!” You shout, as your cheeks turn red. You know she can’t hear you, but you don’t care. Your mind starting to fill with a million thoughts of a certain Chinese ginger, after Lara’s comment.

You take a deep breath and try to shake those thoughts out of your head. You turn around and Megan is there, staring at you with a weird look in her eyes.

“I- uh..” you stutter and quickly walk past her, grabbing your phone. “Let’s start.” you try to ignore how your skin prickled with goosebumps from walking past her.

—————————————————————————

After running through it five more times, your throat feels like the Sahara desert and your body is on fire. Chugging some water before plopping down straight to the floor. The cold surface a nice comfort to your heated skin. It’s not enough though, taking off your shirt you’re left in a sports bra.

Hearing footsteps you feel the vibrations of Megan sitting down beside you. The two of you are quiet for a bit, Megan taking the liberty to switch the music on your phone to something r&b, which you let her do.

As the music fills your head, the world goes silent, your mind goes blank. Your breathing slows. It feels like you’re in your own bubble. A bubble that you only share with her. You wish it could stay like this forever. Just you, Megan, no talking, the music and the cold studio floor.

You don’t even notice when she starts playing with your fingers. It’s something she does when you two sit together like this, alone in a room or in the car. She would reach over to your hand and start playing with it, running her fingertips over the palm of your hand and up your arm, or she would intertwine her fingers with yours.

You hate it. But you love it at the same time. It calms you. It makes you feel like someone cares about you, but you also can’t help but feel like you’re not enough, not enough for someone to actually love you.

It’s confusing. You’re confusing.

“Are you okay?” Her voice cuts through the fog of your thoughts like a hot knife. You’re silent. Not sure if you can answer her truthfully, not sure if your mind can handle that kind of honesty.

You feel a hand cup the side of your face. You turn to the source. It’s her hand. She is looking at you, eyes filled with worry. It’s annoying, you hate that she’s looking at you like that.

“I’m okay,” You sigh, looking away, “Just a little tired.”

“Hmm…” You can hear her scoot closer, her other hand now joining her first on the other side of your face.

“You know you can talk to me, right? About anything?” Her thumb rubs over your cheek, “No. You’re annoying.” You mumble, however you find yourself closing your eyes and leaning into her touch, despite yourself.

“Maybe so,” she giggles, and the sound is like music to your ears. “But you can be a pain in the ass too, you know.” Her voice is quiet and you can feel her stare on you.

“Yeah.. i know..” you mutter, “I just feel like… I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems. And I’m fine, I can handle myself.”

“I’m not just anyone, and it’s okay not to be okay. I’m here for you.” Megan says.

“Shut up,” You mumble.

You open your eyes and they meet with Megan’s. She’s staring into your eyes and her stare makes you want to crawl out of your skin. You look away, unable to hold eye contact.

Sitting up, you pull away from her. Megan doesn’t let you get far though, wrapping her arms around you and pulling you towards her, making you sit sideways on her lap.

“I can feel you getting frustrated.” She murmurs, burying her face in your neck. Her warm breath makes your skin tingle. You hate that.

“It’s because of you.” you hiss. Megan just chuckles, sending shivers down your spine. Your mind is reeling and you can’t think. Your emotions are running wild, and the way she is holding you makes you feel so many things. You try to push her away, but you can’t. Her grip on you is firm. It’s as if you’re glued to her.

“Let go.” you mumble. She just hums, rubbing her nose along your neck, and it makes you shudder. You can’t fight it. Your mind is screaming at you to get away, but you can’t.

“Never,” She says quietly, “I never want to let go of you. Ever.”

Your breath hitches and you swallow the lump that formed in your throat, trying not to cry.

Megan continues, “I love you, you know? I hate seeing you be so hard on yourself. You deserve so much love, so much care and appreciation.”

You feel tears stinging your eyes and your heart constricts. Her words pierce you. It feels like a thousand knives are stabbing your chest, and it’s hard to breathe.

You want to tell her she’s wrong, that you’re not worthy of her love. That you don’t deserve to be loved by her, but the words won’t come out. They stick to your tongue, and you can’t speak.

“I know you don’t think that. But it’s true,” She whispers. “You’re amazing, and you’re so beautiful and so talented. I know that you’re struggling. And it hurts me to see that. I want to be there for you. To support you.”

“Shut up.” You choke out, “Please, just shut up. I hate it, i hate you.” Tears are threatening to come out and you close your eyes, you don’t want to cry.

Feeling Megan’s hands running through your hair and massaging your head, and it’s calming. Your breathing begins to slow.

“Why do you hate me?” She whispers, her breath fanning over your ear and you shiver. “I don’t,” you admit, “I just… i hate the way you care, i hate the way you make me feel…”

“How do i make you feel?” She asks. Her lips ghosting over your neck. “I don’t know,” you mutter, “I hate you. But i don’t… i can’t… i don’t hate you.”

“That makes no sense,” She giggles.

“Shut up! I know…” You groan, hands running down your face in exasperation. Opening your eyes again, you see Megan’s face close to yours. If you were to turn your head to the side you’d kiss her~ No, bad thought. Shoo. Shoo.

“Hey,” Her voice snaps you out of it. “You know i love you right?” Her eyes are boring into yours and you feel your cheeks heat up.

“Yeah, you’ve mentioned it like a million times.” You mumble. It’s a little exaggerated, but she would tell you it often, whenever you two were alone. You’ve never really taken it into heart, it’s just something she said, a statement, not really anything deeper.

You’re about to speak up again, before you notice a slight mischievous glint in her eye. “Can I show you how much I love you then?~” Her tone changes and you immediately recognize that tone of voice, but it was different. Deeper.

“Stop… you don’t…” You mutter, heart racing.

Her lips brush against your jawline, her nose skimming your cheek, and she presses her body closer to you.

You can’t deny it anymore. You’ve been avoiding it, avoiding your feelings, but it’s clear. You have a big, fat, gay crush on Megan. And you can’t stop thinking about her. It’s like a parasite, and you hate yourself for it.

You hate the way you react to her, the way your heart races and how you can’t stop your thoughts from going to her. It’s driving you crazy.

“Do you want me to show you?” Her lips move to your neck, her tongue licking a line across your skin. Your breathing hitches, and you bite your lip, suppressing a noise that threatened to escape your throat. The wet line on your neck that her tongue left, cooling as it’s exposed to air, sending tingles throughout your entire body.

Heart beating fast, your brain can’t process the situation. Is this real? Or is this one of the fantasies you’ve conjured in your head? It feels too real. The way she is touching you, her breath fanning against your skin, her scent invading your nostrils. Turning your head and facing her, your nose touches hers.

This is definitely real. Her face is so close to yours, your lips almost brushing. You can see her pupils dilated and the hunger in her gaze. She’s staring at your lips. And you want to lean in. To finally feel her lips against yours.

Your body aching to feel her. But you can’t move, paralyzed. Your body is shaking. Her hands run down your arms. Moving you so you’re straddling her lap and intertwining your fingers. “I can see it in your eyes. The way you look at me. You think I haven’t noticed?” Her voice is quiet, a soft murmur in the silence of the practice room.

“W-What?” You stutter. Your voice sounds weak, and your throat is tight.

She squeezes your hands, rubbing circles into the back of them with her thumb, before moving them to wrap around her shoulder, you comply.

You can feel her hands on your waist now, rubbing small circles with her thumb. It’s a soothing gesture, one that you know well. But it feels different now. It’s like electricity running through you. Her hands are warm against your skin. Your body is burning.

“I see how you look at me. And it drives me crazy, you know? Because i look at you the same way…” Her hands are trailing upwards now, and you feel them move up your sides, slowly. She’s being gentle with you. “Sometimes I think i’m dreaming. Because how is it possible that someone so beautiful, so perfect, looks at me with that much… desire…”

“Don’t say that. You know that’s not true. You know how I feel about myself…” You whisper. You don’t believe it, not for one second. How can someone as amazing and perfect as her think that you’re perfect too?

She lets out a frustrated groan and suddenly she’s pushing you backwards, off her lap. The coldness of the floor against your back is a stark contrast to her warmth from earlier. You’re confused, did she change her mind?

Your question is answered as you feel her climb over you. Her hands beside your head, and she’s staring at you with such intensity, it’s hard to breathe. “You are so perfect.” She says, her voice filled with passion.

You look away. Your cheeks are burning. “No, i’m not. Don’t lie.” You mutter.

“Look at me.” Her voice is firm, commanding.

You turn back to her. You’re unable to disobey. She’s hovering above you, and your heart is pounding. Your breaths are shaky and shallow. “I want to kiss you,” she says softly. “But only if you let me.”

Her face lowers to yours, her lips mere inches from your own before stopping, awaiting your answer.

Your brain fighting with itself. Do you deserve this? Indulge yourself just once? Would it be a sin for you to let go of your worries and give in? Are you really -

…

…

…

“Please…” You whisper, and that’s all she needs. She’s kissing you.

Soft lips on yours. You’re melting into it, letting her lead. Your hands move up to tangle in her hair. It feels like you’ve been waiting forever to kiss her. Her lips move with yours and it’s everything you imagined and more.

Her hand slides under your head, cradling your head. You feel safe. A sense of security and warmth washes over you.

Her lips part, her tongue slipping past your lips and meeting yours. You gasp and she deepens the kiss, her other hand holding onto your hip, squeezing you gently.

The coldness of the floor doesn’t even register anymore, all you can think about is her lips on yours. How her tongue dances with your own.

She pulls back for air and you take a moment to breathe, the two of you panting. “You have no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that…” She murmurs. Her hand moving down your neck, to your collarbone, and slowly moving towards the straps of your bra.

Your heart is beating so fast you can hear it in your head, drowning out all the thoughts that were there before, replacing it with thoughts of Megan, of her lips and her tongue, her touch. You need more.

“I-I.. Me too…” You admit, and you can feel her lips on your neck, pressing light kisses on the skin.

Your skin is burning, your whole body is on fire. Your hands are shaking as you grab the bottom of her t shirt, tugging at it lightly, a silent plea for her to remove it. You want to feel her skin against yours, to feel her warmth. You want her. She doesn’t need to be told twice, she quickly pulls the shirt off her head. Your eyes rake down her body and you can’t help but admire her. She’s beautiful. So beautiful.

Your hands reach out to touch her, and she leans into your touch, sighing contentedly as your hands run over her smooth skin. She leans down again, pressing her body flush against yours. Her warmth spreading to you, making you feel so warm inside.

Megan connects her lips with yours again. Your lips moving together, her hands running through your hair and she tugs slightly. A groan slips from your throat and you feel her lips curl up in a smile, she pulls back slightly, staring into your eyes.

“What was that?” She says, a smirk forming on her face.

“N-Nothing…” Your face turning a deep crimson red. “Don’t get cocky, loser..” you grumble.

“Why not?” She purrs, leaning down to your neck, pressing soft kisses along it, making you shiver. “Because.. Because I-” She licks and bites down on a sensitive part of your neck, making you let out a small yelp. You feel her giggle against your neck, before she sucks on the sensitive skin there.

Your hand reaches up to grasp her shoulder, needing something to hold on to as her teeth nibble at the skin.

“F-” You slam your mouth shut with your other hand, to try and hold back the noise that threatened to escape, you weren’t ready to embarrass yourself further.

Megan however notices, and her hand that was tangled in your hair moves to grab your wrist. Holding your arm up over your head, pinning you down. She lifts herself from your neck, her eyes trailing your face. Your face feels like it’s on fire, you’re embarrassed. Megan is staring at you like you’re a delicious meal, ready for her to eat.

Her hand slowly moves to grasp your hand that was holding onto her shoulder, and brings it up with your other, pinning both over your head. Her hips pressing against yours. You gasp and squirm beneath her, and she presses harder, grinding down against you. Making you let out a whimper.

“Baby~” She murmurs, “What’s wrong?” Her tone teasing. You can feel her warm breath fanning over your ear. Your body shakes with the anticipation of what’s to come, you want her to touch you more, to kiss you, to do more to you.

But you’re also so embarrassed. You don’t know if you can handle her seeing you like this, so vulnerable, so needy.

“Mmm…” You try to form words, but they get stuck in your throat. “Tell me,” Her voice is so deep. It makes you tremble, and you can feel your heart racing in your chest.

You open your mouth to try and answer her, but you can’t find the words.

She takes this as an opportunity and she’s kissing you again. You can feel her tongue slipping past your lips, licking and tasting every corner of your mouth.

Your mind goes blank, the only thing you can think of is her. The way her lips feel on yours, her taste. Her scent. It’s intoxicating.

Your body reacts without your control. Wrapping your legs around her waist, pulling her closer. Her hands move from yours, trailing down your sides, resting on your hips, her nails digging in. The slight pain makes you moan into the kiss. Her hips grinding against yours in slow, languid circles. You’re both still in your sweatpants, but you can feel the heat radiating off her.

“W-wait. What if someone c-comes in?” Your breathing is ragged as you pull away, trying to stop her, to get a grasp on the situation.

“We can just lock the door.” She huffs, but she doesn’t get up to go do it, she doesn’t want to stop. Neither do you. But you’re scared of getting caught. “M-Megan!”

She groans, but she doesn’t let go of you. Instead she holds you tightly as she stands up, you squeal and wrap your arms and legs around her, to hold on as she carries you while walking over to the door and turns the lock. “There. Happy now?” She asks, raising an eyebrow. You don’t comment, simply hiding your face against her neck to avoid her eyes.

She giggles then carries you to the couch that’s in the practice room and drops you on it, you land with an ‘oof’ and glare at her. Megan smiles cheekily at you, sitting on top of your thighs, her elbows moving to rest on either side of your head.

You can’t stay mad at her. She’s so cute. You reach up to her and pull her in by the neck. Your lips meet again. You can’t stop kissing her, it’s addicting, and she seems to agree, as she kisses back with the same fervour.

Her hand trails down your body, to the waistband of your sweatpants. She tugs on the band lightly. You breathe heavily at the implication, arching your body towards hers.

She smirks against your lips. Moving to tug the waistband of your pants and pulling them down your thighs.

Your breaths are coming out in heavy puffs. You can feel the cool air of the room on your legs, making you shiver. She doesn’t stop. She pulls them all the way off. Leaving you only in your bra and panties.

Her hands run up and down your thighs. Her nails scratching lightly at the skin. It feels good, and you’re squirming. Your mind is racing with a thousand thoughts, but all of them seem to lead to her.

Your heart is pounding in your ears. Your body is burning with a need. You’re nervous, and your hands are trembling.

Megan moves down your body, placing kisses down your stomach, stopping right above the hem of your panties. Her hand comes up and strokes your clothed core. You whimper and arch into her touch. You need more, but you can’t form the words. You just want to feel more of her, more of what she has to offer you.

“Baby, you’re soaked…” Her voice is deep, her hand rubbing against your clothed core. Your legs tremble. You feel so exposed. You want to cover up, but you also want this. You need this. You’ve been longing for her for so long.

Your hips buck against her hand and you whimper while blushing hard. She smirks at you. “You like that huh? My fingers touching your pussy through your wet panties?~” You cover your face with your arm. You don’t know if it’s to hide your embarrassment or to muffle your moans, probably a little of both.

Megan giggles. “I love how you react to me,” she murmurs. You groan, still covering your eyes. She chuckles again and continues rubbing your pussy, your panties becoming wetter and wetter. The wet fabric sticking to your core, the friction making you whimper.

You moan and squirm as she touches you. Your body is shaking with anticipation. You can’t take it anymore.

“P-please…” Your voice comes out as a whine. You peek out from behind your arm, her eyes meeting yours. The hunger in her gaze obvious and her lips curl up in a smile as she hums.

You don’t think you can take this much longer. She has you at her mercy, she knows it.

You’re so embarrassed. The fact that she has you like this, whimpering and writhing under her, it makes you feel so vulnerable.

Her fingers move to hook under your panties, slowly tugging them down, and you feel so exposed. But it also feels so right. The cool air hits your core and you gasp, arching your body towards her.

You feel so wet, you’re sure there’s a wet patch on the couch below you, but you don’t care.

“Mm~ Look at that, such a pretty pussy…” Megan hums, looking at you with such an intense stare, it’s almost as if she’s looking into your soul.

She spreads your legs wider apart, before leaning down to your pussy, her mouth stopping just over it, her warm breath fanning over it and making your legs tremble.

She gives it a tentative lick and you gasp. It’s not enough, it’s never enough. “Please…” Your voice comes desperate.

“Tell me what you need baby~” Her voice is low, it makes you shiver. “I- I need you to… I want…” you don’t know how to say it. You don’t want to say it. It’s so embarrassing. Megan giggles. “You need to me to… what? Eat you out?~” You moan at her words. “Yes… Please….”

“Mmm… Okay.” Her lips meet your clit, giving it a soft kiss. You gasp, and she starts licking your clit in circular motions, making you squirm and whimper.

She continues licking, and you can’t stop the noises that escape your lips anymore. Your breathing becomes heavier, and you feel so hot. She sucks on your clit and you moan loudly. Your hands reaching up to her hair, tugging at her ginger dyed locks.

You feel her hum against you, and her hands slide up your thighs, squeezing the soft flesh.

Her lips part from you for a moment as she looks at you. You whine at the loss, but your eyes meet hers, and you feel your face burn up. The way she looks at you makes you feel like a prey, you’re completely at her mercy.

“Don’t stop..” You pant. “Please don’t stop.”

She doesn’t. Her mouth returns to your pussy. This time though she starts licking a line down to your entrance, licking it teasingly. You gasp and buck your hips into her. “Ahh! M-Megan! Please…”

She smirks, licking the wetness around it, before slowly pushing her tongue in. Your eyes widen and you let out a moan. She starts moving her tongue inside you, slowly. She hums, making you squirm.

You can feel her tongue curl inside of you, pressing into your walls. You moan and tighten around her. Her hands gripping your thighs tighter, her nails digging into the soft flesh.

The feeling of her tongue is so foreign and weird, but so good at the same time, making you writhe on the couch.

Her hands move down to rub at your clit as she eats you out, and you feel yourself nearing closer and closer to release. Your body is burning. Your mind is going blank, your body shaking with pleasure. “A-ahh… Megan.. I-“ You whimper, your head thrown back against the couch, eyes closed.

Megan pulls back slightly. She takes her fingers away from your clit. “Look at me.”

You do, looking down at her. You wish you didn’t. Her brown iris’ barely visible, her pupils blown wide with lust. Your pussy clenches at the sight, and she smirks before diving back into you, eating you out with renewed vigor. You’re a moaning mess.

The sight of her is burned into your memory. It makes your heart race and your breaths quicken. You feel like you’re going to explode.

Your body is burning and you can’t hold on much longer. Grabbing onto her head and holding on to dear life, you cum, screaming out her name.

Her tongue doesn’t stop though, making you writhe and squirm as the sensation of your orgasm gets drawn out.

Eventually her tongue stops and pulls away, giving you one last kiss on the clit. You moan softly at the feeling, before panting and trying to regain your breathing.

Megan comes back up and lies on top of you, hugging your waist and burying her face into the crook of your neck, her body resting between your legs.

Her warm body against yours makes you feel secure and safe, and you wrap your arms around her.

She kisses your neck softly, then up your neck, and finally to your lips, capturing them in a slow and passionate kiss, you hum softly into the kiss and wrap your arms tighter around her, pulling her closer to you.

The kiss ends, and you can feel her smiling against you. “How are you feeling?” she asks.

You smile and sigh. “I feel good… really good..” “I’m glad,” she murmurs, nuzzling her face against yours.

The two of you stay there, cuddling and talking about anything that comes to mind, but you’re both exhausted. You can feel the fatigue from the long day of practicing and then from… what just happened, creeping up on you, your eyes start drooping.

Megan notices and sits up, looking down at your drowsy state, and chuckles softly, before leaning down to give you one last peck on your forehead, “Let’s get you dressed so we can go home.” She whispers.

“Ugh… i definitely need a shower.” you grumble. You feel disgusting. Sweaty, and now… Sticky…

You look at Megan, who is putting your pants back on for you, and you can’t help the butterflies in your stomach.

What does this mean? Where does this put your relationship with her? You can’t think of that right now though, your mind is foggy.

Megan helps you up, and both of you grab your things, finally leaving the practice room and heading out to the parking lot to get to your car. Putting both your bags in the trunk before getting in the driver’s seat, Megan smirking at you from the passenger side as you sit down.

“You sure you can drive? Your legs were trembling pretty hard~” She teases with a stupid grin, so you flick her forehead.

She lets out an exaggerated pained sound and rubs at her forehead, “Ow~ What was that for?!”

“For being annoying. Plus i’m never gonna let you drive my car. The odds of crashing is increased by a million percent if i let you drive.” You say with a straight face.

She lets out a dramatic gasp, hand on her heart as if you hurt her deeply, before giggling, and you can’t help the small smile that creeps onto your lips. Her laugh makes your chest tighten.

The two of you buckle in and start driving off. Megan has her phone connected to your speakers, blasting music and singing loudly, the car windows open as you both drive through the highway.

You glance over at Megan and smile softly. Her ginger hair is flowing in the wind and she looks so beautiful, her brown eyes are sparkling as she sings.

Maybe you do deserve this happiness. This moment. Just this one moment, before your head starts running again. And maybe you do deserve her love. Maybe.

But that’s for another time.

For now, you’re going to enjoy the moment. Just this once.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

a/n - Holy shit did you really read the whole thing? You sussy baka. Anygays, i have an idea that is kinda a follow up of this, but also its own thing. We’ll see if i do anything. Or maybe this will be my first and last fanfic ever. Istg im shaking while thinking bout pressing ‘post’ on this shit. I gotta wake up in 2 hours for work, Katseye will be the end of me bro. To whoever that reads this, hope you have a mid day and get shot by a grandma ╰( ´︶` )╯

[roseworth]

hi lauren 😌 ok if dc were to ever make the elusive jason and rose outlaws team, who would you choose as the third member

hiiiiii im sorry this took a few days to get to i put a lot of thought into it <///3

so first of all. my #1 dream outlaws team is jason rose connor kara lorena. im not even exaggerating when i say i have thought about this team (whose dynamics i mostly made up) at least once a day for MONTHS. i know some of those characters being on a team together doesnt make sense but you just have to trust me. it all makes sense in my rich inner world. and someday i may get into it but i have a lot to say

but if im abiding by outlaws tradition of a trio. i have multiple options of who besides jay & rose.

eddie: obvious answer. hes been friends with both of them so its very common to put him in outlaws. HOWEVER.... i dont really see him as an outlaw. im including him in this list because i like the idea of the three of them together but i dont think he would really fit on an outlaws team. hes kinda just a normal hero and i dont think he would be super into the whole idea of killing people the way jason and rose do

kyle: i just think that the dynamic of jason rose & kyle would be SO funny. disasters. rose with kyle is "he was nice to me like 8 years ago so hes my best friend forever" while jason and kyle. you know. are the most annoying people ever. plus kyles views on killing are sorta "i dont do it unless i really want to but i think its cool" so he would tolerate them

steph: this would be so much fun. mwsl gave me minor crumbs of a jason rose & steph team up and i havent been the same since. steph can be a little bit murderous as a treat and jason & rose are enablers. idk i just think being an outlaw could be good for her

roy: HEAR ME OUT. SHUT UP AND HEAR ME OUT. i could fix rhato roy. my thought is roy post-cry for justice where hes mourning his daughters death and pushing everyone else away. and jason & rose go "quit your job join our emo band" and he becomes an outlaw bc he wants to be Angsty and Away From Heroes but jason & rose are like "sweet we have a responsible adult now 👍" and. roy cannot be around people younger than him without accidentally becoming an older brother figure. also roy & rose make me go crazy so im doing this for ME

eddie fyers: this popped into my head as i talked about eddie bloomberg earlier and i cant stop thinking about it. can you fucking imagine

artemis: yeah yeah she was already an outlaw. but what if she was again in a cooler more homosexual way. jason & artemis had a good dynamic sometimes in rhato 2016 when lobdell wasnt being weird, and rose & artemis would be so much fun given that rose loves to pick fights and artemis would be able to pick her up and throw her. to me it would be good and i want these two to interact

grace choi: okay listen. i just really liked her in outsiders 2003. as a treat to me i think she should be worse. canon toxic dyke getting worse because of a non canon toxic dyke and her boytoy freak

dana harlow: DANA COME BACK. she was the best ever for the two (2) issues shes been in. and rose & dana would be soooooo good and i need it so bad

but ideal jason & rose dynamic is this↓ so maybe its better for everyone if they have a red hood & ravager team up. hand in unlovable hand.

[ieatyourbeauty]

**Enemies With Benefits: Soap x OC part 3**

part 1

part 2

recap: They did the do they both liked the do and Spider has some feelings that needs release what happens when they almost get caught?

Exhibition/ PiV they share a coconut creampie

also minors dont interact this is for big boys and girls.

Soap is blue

Spider is Purple

and if u see yellow hi hello thats me

Spider had gotten up earlier she looked at soap still deep asleep holding her hand she blushed. She sat up leaving the bed and his warmth she looked at her ripped dress and lingere on the floor no way those are still wearable when he tore them to shreds. she whispered.

Spider: god dammit soap I liked this set.

So she took one of his shirts it smelled like him and put it on before she left she looked at Soap, Sure she hated the guy but there was a softness to him when he was asleep she smiled at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek before she left his room. Soaps eyes flutter open before closing them again resuming his sleep.

Soap would wake up with the sunlight that came through the curtain. he would go back to his usual routine of washing his face thinking about the nice wet dream he had about Spider, But while he was getting ready he realized that there was indeed clothes on the floor.

Soap: So much for dreams

He would mutter to himself before picking up the dress and lingerie and putting them on a chair in his room , before he'd go back to his washing room then he remembered feeling the kiss on his cheek it left with a warm feeling though he didnt want to admit to himself that he....maybe might've started to like her a little bit?

Soap: ....fuck....

He'd say then let out a frustrated and loud sigh before he leave for the mess hall.

Spider was daydreaming about last night not really eating her food when a familiar voice snapped her out of it but it wasn't Soap.

Frank: ....Josey....

Spider: oh....hey Frank....

She would say in a deadpan tone what the hell did he want? she wondered. It wasn't like they went out hell she was trying to use him for a free meal or quick fuck before the thing that happened with Soap well...happened. Frank safe to say was pissed with her for last night he planned this fancy date and she goes and betrays him for a quick fuck from her superior officer.

Frank: I wanna talk about last night.

Josey: what's there to talk about last time I heard you said to him "You can have her" your words. Trust me there's nothing to talk about

Frank: look you fucking barrack bunny. Is it my fault that I spent all this money on you and you throw it all away for what?

Soap would overhear this while he was getting breakfast...he'd roll his eyes and get back to his food though he is nosey so he did listen who could blame him one word caught his attention.

Soap: barrack bunny?

Frank: Fucking another soldier, look at me when I'm talking to you fucking whore!

Spider was furious at the names she was being called she stands up from her sitting position and hits his face hard with her food tray frank falls from the hit and she goes and kicks him in the stomach.

Spider: That's for calling me a barrack bunny asshole!

She kicks him again

Spider: and that's for calling me a whore!

she spits on him

Spider: fucking loser.

She walks out of the mess hall in anger. Soap hears some of the other soldiers gossip behind him about the scene pissing him off.

Soap: Oh, shut it.

Soap's scowl got worse as he heard everyone start whispering about Spider, He hated gossip. More than that, he hated being forced to listen to it!.

Soap: I thought we were soldiers, not little schoolgirls.. Who she spends her time with is hardly anyone's concern.

Soap's voice remained somewhat quiet, but stern enough he could make his point. at this point some of the soldiers apologized or didn't say anything at all. Soap would come to the sparring room seeing Spider using a punching bag sweat already on her face he'd grab a kick-bag placing next to the punching bag putting on some gloves and began warm up exercises after that he'd get to hitting it.

drenched with sweat she takes off her shirt she has a sports bra which contains her tits and wipes her sweat with her shirt. Soap stops to catch his breath, and turns to look at her..now that he has a clear view the sight was hard to describe. Spider caught his gaze and smirked acting in a smart manner.

Spider: got a staring problem Soap?

Soap: I do how can I look away

He was half joking as he was really enjoying the way her tits bounced when she hit the punching bag. Spider giggles to herself and resumes training, she was still mad about the frank shit and the punching bag wasn't working.

Spider: This isn't working I'm still pissed about that shithead Frank

Soap: go...on

Spider: fighting isnt gonna work.....its...something else. do I have to spell it out

Soap being the cheeky shit that he is decides to play stupid.

Soap: I dont know what you mean...lil spider.

Spider: please dont make me say it.....please

Soap approaches her knowing what she is about to say he chuckles a bit leans in and whispers in her ear.

Soap: Go on... Spit it out...

Spider: please....fuck me soap

Soap getting closer he can hear her breathing heavily he liked that sound.

Soap: Sorry, Can't do that... You gotta say it properly...get on your knees.

Spider:....(fucking bastard)

Spider gets on her knees embarrassed by the next sentence she's about to say, Soap has a sly smirk on his face.

Spider: Please fuck my pussy Soap

Soap: ahh that looks so much better...See that wasn't so hard now, was it?

Soap grabs her arm to lift her up taking her to a private exercise room in the Gym he locks the door and makes her kneel in front of him again.

Soap: this is a good look for you spider...

He takes out his hard cock and gives her one simple order, already Spider feels a warmth down in her pussy just from seeing it.

Soap: suck on it

She licks the tip licking his precum off and playing around the slit of his dick with the tip of her tongue making him shudder he sees that shes teasing looking up at him. He takes the back of her head and pushes his dick deeper in her mouth she's gagging on his cock.

Soap: fuck you look so good gagging on my cock sweet girl

Soap's fucking spiders mouth tears in her eyes from gagging he takes his cock out of her mouth allowing her to breathe for a minute. Spider opens her mouth while Soap taps his dick on her tongue drool going down her neck.

Soap: finally a good use for that mouth of yours, as much as I would love to cum in your pretty mouth I've got other plans stand up.

Spider stands up Soap gives her a kiss its forceful passionate their tongues fighting for dominance though we all know whos gonna win that fight. He puts his hand down spider's pants feeling how wet her cunt is from just blowing him he has a surprised look she blushes her eyes looking away from him.

Soap: all this from just suckin me off? look at my fingers spider.

He'd demand and she looked at him he licked her juices off his fingers.

Soap: you taste so fuckin good lil spider.

Spider: y-your so gross

Soap: yet you don't stop me ..curious

He'd insert two of his fingers inside of her pussy his fingers going fast inside she moans softly in his ear.

Soap: that's it make those pretty sounds for me only me.

Spider: s-soap I'm coming fuuck

Soap: not yet

He took his fingers out of her pussy leaving her feeling empty she whimpers without his touch he pulls her pants down rubbing his cock between her folds she shudders from it.

Soap: lay on your belly ass up

Spider does as Soap commands her to do she wiggles her hips and he grabs her hip making her stay still while he puts his cock inside her earning a groan from both of them.

Spider: fuu-uck

Soap: so fuckin tight...

Soap begins fucking her hard and slow she moans with each thrust into her cunt hes spanking her ass with each thrust.

Soap: your gettin tighter with each spank you fuckin slut.

All the sudden they hear a knock at the door they both stop Soap being the genius that he is calls out, Spider staying silent.

Soap: yeah what do you want I'm lookin for weights

Spider:....(u stupid motherfucker no one is gonna believe that)

Unfortunately its Ghost at the door, panic sets in for the both of em.

Ghost: Soap you've seen Spider anywhere?

Soap: uhhh can't say that I have LT.

Spider moving her hips looking at soap to go slow Soap sweaty from panic or the "exercise" that they're doing thrusts slow, she covers her mouth to stifle the moans and whimpers she making she's getting tighter around Soap's cock making him stutter his speech.

Ghost: Been looking for her everywhere she has some reports to file I know you two don't get along but I'd figure I would try and see if you've seen her.

Soap: y-yeah I think it's a woman issue with her to-today ahh-shit

Ghost: you alright in there?

Spider: hmm(fuck Im gonna cum and I feel he is too.)

Soap: y-Yeah I'm fine this work out is just taking alot out of me i-if I see her I'll tell her you stopped by.

Ghost: alright see ya.

Ghost left the door both Spider and Soap hearing him leave he picks up his pace going faster and harder in Spider's aching pussy.

Spider: h-holy fuck S-soap

Soap: you fuckin minx gettin.... tighter you want people to see you get fucked by me don't you.

Spider: y-yes I w-wanted him to watch

Soap: you're a sick little bitch Josey

While he fucked her he played with her clit earning a loud moan from Spider her eyes rolling in the back of her head her mind going blank, This sent her over the edge she came around soap's cock he couldn't handle it anymore and he growled as he came inside Spider's pussy filling her with his cum they were breathing heavily. He pull out of her his cum dripping it out of her pussy and hitting the exercise mat. He sits down on the floor and Spider sits next to them they both laugh a bit at almost getting caught.

Spider. heh holy shit imagine if he caught us after seeing us fight the other day.

Soap: I think he would have a heart attack.

Soap looked at Spider in a different light than yesterday she was smiling and giggling with him like they've been best friends for years, he thought she looked beautiful, he caressed her cheek and moved hair away from her face making her blush then he kissed her softly.

Soap: got you to laugh.

Spider:...thanks...

After a few moments of awkward silence, Spider stood up and got dressed adjusting her hair and outfit.

Spider: I'd better go and...you know reports and all Ghost is probably wondering where I am. See ya Soap.

Soap smiles a bit at her not wanting to keep her from her duties.

Soap: See ya Josey.

Her heart skipped a beat when he said her real name, she leaves the room. Soap chuckled to himself.

Soap: hate to see ya go but I love to watch ya leave.

(this is neil ellice fault through and through for that last line. I will sue for emotional damage neil you will be hearing from my lawyers)

[nutzworth]

its been another month.

DAY 7: APRIL 21, 2024

STATS: read for 1 hour and 30 minutes pages read: 1592-1683. 91 pgs. HELP!!!!!!!!! slur count: 12 + 1 = 13 (dave. r slur) silly count: 12 + 1 = 13 (hussie, about jacks clown garment) (i keep forgetting this stat....) piss count: 2/3

THOUGHTS: since i read literally under 100 pages i wont have much to say hopefully. which is good cus i have school tomorrow and its getting late

summary for this readthrough is regular act 4 shenanigans. lots of pesterlogs. jumping around all over the place. davesprite is there

FIRST MATTER OF BUSINESS: theyre all so cute. theyre all SO ADORABLE!!!! rose and kanaya / john and karkat / john and terezi / dave and terezi / rose and jade / rose and jaspersprite I COULD GO ON. I LOVE THEM ALL!!!! theyre just kids theyre so cute theyre SO cute i love it when they talk

tavros rapped at dave and it was the worst rap ive ever read. like seriously ever. how did he get WORSE at rapping. i swear his rap with gamzee was so much better but we will see. 0/10 for tavros and daves rap

got some wq and pm lore... theyre so awesome. pm really walked up to her queen and was like hey so um i was told i need to kill you. but i dont want to. and thw queen was like yeah okay. im abdicating so you can do this ok. good luck. i love them.... theyre so awesome i love pm so much

jaspersprite is adorable. DAVESPRITE IS HERE. WOOOOOOO!!!!! i didnt expect to see him so soon i thought for sure there was more waiting around between rose and dave in the doomed timeline but damn i guess not. its like heres a flash of the land of heat and clockwork and dave kicking ass then BAM "hey rose i think i will go back in time now" like jesus. thats what fanfiction is for i guess. to expand on their doomed session

the whole davesprite situation is the coolest thing ever and i dont know how else to show that. i think its so awesome. rose dreaming to get her past self to dream earlier. dave going back in time and dropping all his shit then hopping in the sprite. dave and davesprite talking to john. pchooooo as a code for an item. john being crazy

first instance of H3Y D4V3 1S TH1S YOU is here i think. unless im crazy. its between terezi and davesprite which shocks me. unless im crazy

then we get the first hussie cameo and the first recap. WHEW! of course i read it all thats probably why i only read 90 pages. spent half an hour reading ONE page

it was informative though. i learned that the exile labs that the exiles find and have the terminals in ARE REMINISCENT OF THE KIDS' TOTEM ITEMS! TO GET IN THE GAME! like wv's is the WINE BOTTLE CORK. from the crater made by rose's meteor. and pm's is THE APPLE!!! FROM JOHN! johns crater had this big tree apparently and there was an apple. and thats what pm's worms are! theyre WORMS IN AN APPLE! and ar's is the frog temple obviously and wq's is the EGGY LOOKING THING! LIKE DAVE'S EGG! or "seppucrow"s egg i thought that was a funny name to call it

i also learned snowman is the black queen which seems obvious if you think for like more than 2 seconds about the whole thing. like obviously. if spades slick is literally jack noir and slick has a kismesis with snowman and noir has a kismesis with bq then like obviously. what was i even thinking

hussie's blogpost story about his horse painting is awesome. i cant read it right now cus im tired and need to get this out but i will sometime later

will i read again soon? thats for me to know. and you to find out. thanks everypony

[leafyplantdreams]

Sept 15th 2024

I dreamt I woke up the day after my birthday party, and I was hit with such a thick wave of shock and sadness, for I had missed my own birthday party. But I was also scared that I may have accumulated additional costs for anything that may have gone wrong. I checked my phone and saw that the pool owner had tried contacting me for Matt spilling alcohol on the floor and I was like “oh no oh shit what happened how bad is it”. I have few memories of the ‘day’ before, either the dream happened in reverse or it was from the dream earlier in the night. But I dreamt Sergio was helping me prepare for the party I think, and it was the day of the party and we were loading my friends and family into a big truck heading over there but it ran out of room so Sergio couldn't fit so I elected to stay with him. And as the truck drove off he came running out of my grandma's house (which was the meeting point for some reason) holding some paper towels and yelling to wait for him, he looked off at it in the middle of the street and looked so sad yelling dont leave. It wasn't until he looked across the street that he saw me there too and he said you stayed? And I said “of course, I wouldn’t leave you” but as soon as I said that it felt like reality shifted and he looked at me with a completely different expression. He wasn't sad anymore, he looked betrayed and angry, he looked at me like he saw right through me and I didn't realize until I woke up that he looked at me like that because I told him so many times I wouldn't leave him but in the end I ultimately did. I know I shouldn't feel too guilty, it'd be worse to stay and continue to hurt each other. But how do you not feel bad after telling your fiance you will stay with them forever just to end things after a year.

So anyways later in the dream, back to when I woke up the day after, I heard Sergio on the phone with Vince and Vince was yelling at him pretty harshly, looked serious. I called Vince from my phone but I can't remember if he answered, I just wanted to see why he got so mad. Which is kinda sucky, I shouldn't be ok with Vince talking to anyone like that. But I need to realize it's not my place to correct them, they're adults, but they're also my friends. Why is Sergio in my dreams? I haven't dreamt of him at all during the breakup. But I guess part of my mind still thinks we're together.

.

.

.

For reference: My birthday was the next day. I'd been planning a birthday party for myself since I'd always hated my birthday but I'm trying to make the best of it. I had a lot of anxiety about trying to plan and host a bday party all by myself and dealing with losing my fiance (Sergio) just 10 days before. Matt is an old coworker who wanted to date me but I dont feel the same. Vince was my best friend of 7 years.

[strykingback]

Freed From Torture...

Warning This Drabble Contains: Torture, Blood, malnutrition, electrocution, slight cannabalism, also a HUGE R*PE mention.

Reader Discretion is Advised as this will be placed underneath a read more due to length.

Location: Unknown Atlesian Military Blacksite Time: 10:00 PM _________________________

Within the Blacksite, scientists and military personnel were all discussing about their daily routines or patrolling the site. Around different experiments were performed underneath the eyes of the Atlesian Government as long as there was some details that were safe to be disclosed than it shall be disclosed for the public. However amongst all of the Grimm they have housed and all the weapons in research and development... was one subject they deemed to be "special..."

Subject 731 ....deemed as "The Man Who Keeps Healing" as they wondered and theorized if he was a human with a healing semblance that would heal faster than a normal human or faunus could heal with their aura intact. For this subject he was far more than that to which Commander Maseo Koroshiya. The overseer of this blacksite wanted to know the limits they could push him to....

Which they did... leaving many scientists and soldiers horrified and even some requesting time away from the facility after seeing this man who even begged them to let him go be freed. What made things worse was that some security guards allowed the Commander to violate Subject 731... when he was not aware of what was happening.

In Subject 731's cell he was muttering to himself constantly while laying on the floor deprived of his senses in the darkened room. "I-I-I-I a-a-am n-n-n-not S-S-S-Subject.... s-s-seven-t-t-t-three-o-o-one... I-I-I am ... Hermes...." He said to himself hearing the voices of the past worm into his brain along with his screams of pain from his earlier experiments performed on him and including mocking laughter.

"Hermes... all you had to do was let go of her." The voice of his village elder rang throughout his head.

"No No No! The Gods took E-E-Eisa... a-a-a-away from m-m-m-m-me.... t-t-t-they.... took her!!!" Hermes replied holding his head while trembling in fear.

"Until you learn what it is to move on you must suffer the weight of playing God." Solis, The God Of Lights voice echoed in the recesses of Hermes' mind.

"Y-Y-You... d-d-d-d-dont know w-w-what i-i-its like now......! S-suffering like this!!!" Hermes said again feeling his fingers crushing his head.

"Hermes... dear?" The voice of Eisa rang as Hermes stopped trembling as he looked up to see her, bathed in a golden glow...

"Eisa?....Is that you?" Hermes said almost wanting to cry.. while she smiled approaching him and bending over with a smile....until.

"Well Well, Subject 731... You and I are going to have so much fun." Eisa's voice would be twisted into Commander Maseo's voice making Hermes immediately punch the hallucination away while the immortal stood up and came to the ultimate realization. He was losing his mind, the amount of pain, the many vivisections, the biohazard like tests, the Grimm tearing at his flesh, and even being violated.....by not just another human but by even a Grimm....The trauma alone was starting to become too much for him to take and now he was teetering on the edge and all that it took was one more little push to do it.

To which Hermes screamed at the top of his lungs running into one of the dark walls and began to claw at it desperately until his nails broke off and blood was all that was left noticing that golden glow as it just heals before he started smashing his head against the wall over and over and over again until he felt his skull break and hearing the squelching sound of his own brains hitting the wall and with one more good hit... he finally fell backwards falling unconscious....

Which in his dream he awoke in a log cabin with his fathers...Adrastos and Erasmus as he could hear them both talking about something before they approached Hermes hugging him tightly and telling him how much they love him so much and how proud they are to have him has their son. Which Hermes cried in their embrace.. while then a loud unlocking sound snapped him from his dream as he moved to check his forehead... it was no longer a bloody mess... as the doors opened with light flooding in...

As Hermes tried to stand up but now noticed how Malnutritioned he really was, thin to the point where he could see his bones and even so his body cannibalized itself. Was it some kind of experiment that led to this...as two military guardsmen walked in picking him up. and dragging him with everyone walking by who saw Hermes only had sorrowful looks on their faces.. unlike what Hermes saw in thousands of years in the past where it was their expressions of anger and hatred this time it was merciful looks on their faces and shame towards their inaction.

The immortal would be placed in a room where he was sat down unable to respond...and even his hair was grown out with his eyes screaming for mercy.

"Subject 731, may you please look up." The voice of Commander Maseo spoke with Hermes looking up at the window with a dark glare in his eyes leaving him more enraged than anything. To stare at the very man who had violated him and made him into this empty shell of a man..

"Today we will conducting a new experiment for holding prisoners with powerful semblances meant to be held in deeper parts of the Brig. This is a new invention called the Semblance Limiter...." A scientist spoke over the intercom inside the room while a guard held out the device and another kept his weapon trained on Hermes. While he placed the device around Hermes' neck.

"Now Subect-731. Will you now go full power with your semblance?" The Scientist asked. Which Hermes did not understand what a semblance was. The guard who placed his device on him whispered to Hermes. "Your power..." making Hermes understand as he would close his eyes concentrating on bringing dark magic to life. If he can gather just enough... but a rapid beeping sound was heard as finally loud droning beep came then.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTT!!!

Hermes would scream as his concentration was interrupted while convulsing on the ground being electrocuted as he trembled on the floor. "Th-This.. d-d-device.... this was meant... to limit my power... through... electrical.... currents...... th-this is a Shock collar!!!!!" He thought to himself with the most enraged growl ever which he tried again to summon forth even just enough dark magic to chuck but another wave of electricity came through as Hermes screamed again this time louder than the first.

With the voices of the past starting to grow more distorted, the faces of those he learned and loved fading away, and lastly the memory of his wife Eisa... gone. Everything was fragmented excepted for one thing his passions of playing God.....which when he tried again one more scream of pain with electricity came through as finally....

Hermes laid there burned out as some Scientists and Commander Maseo celebrated the guards and others did not.....which one of the gleeful scientists was about to open the door as Hermes tried one more time but with no scream of pain or a scream for mercy.... it was instead one thing that made even the cold hearted Maseo Koroshiya.. feel fear.

"AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! YES!!!! YES!!!! THE GLORIOUS PAIN!!!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! FUCK ME! GIVE ME MORE!!! YOUR TRUE GOD DEMANDS IT!!!!!!" Hermes screamed at the top of his lungs making everyone realize they have now crossed the rubicon for Hermes. Which the guard tried to grab Hermes and instead he recieved a bladed tendril through his stomach as blood splattered against the wall and just before the other guard could shoot another tendril sprouted from his back and shot through the guards face. Making one of the gleeful scientists open up the door to see Hermes was ready as he launched himself at him and bit him on the neck before biting harder hearing the scientist gargle and scream in pain before he pulled back hard tearing off the throat of the antagonizing scientists as everyone ran while for Hermes he ate the flesh.

Warm blood salivating his throat.... a bit strange... but that made him more of a monster than ever. Which Hermes would begin his slaughter laughing manaically slicing through guard after guard, watching the blood cover his face and body while he roared chasing after one Maseo Koroshiya before h dared to think about leaving.... which Maseo and his men were at the ready in the end of one corridor just a few more pathways to the exit. Just hearing the laughter of Hermes mixed with the screams of male and female guards being slaughtered with one loud scream and a sickening crunch... hearing only a few footsteps and then....

just Hermes being revealed looking much more healthier than ever..... due to his healing being kicked into overdrive from being shot so much could be the reason why.... but... he looked at all of them before smiling.. insanely...

"SHOOT HIM!!!!!" Maseo shouted before Hermes was the first to draw sending out his Tendrils impaling two of the soldiers as he raced towards the group with two more tendrils sprouting from his back as he sent them out to impale two more guards and use them as body shields to get to Maseo as he started to run breathing heavily until tripping over something.... but he swore he felt something burning around his legs and that was it...

No...

When he looked back his leg was missing!!! and Hermes was walking up behind him.... realizing that Hermes had thrown away one of the guards and used his tendrils to slice off his leg... Maseo would turn over to face the man.. he had violated and tortured.... "W-WWait.. subject.. 731 if its anything that was meant to be your last experiment an-" he attempted to plead until Hermes sliced of both his left and right finger hearing the Atlesian commander scream in pain and shuddering agony.

"Huuuh... what were you saying. Oh THE TRUE GOD WAS TOO BUSY NOT CARING FOR YOUR USELESS PLEAS FOR HIS MERCY!!!! ONLY I HERMES, THE TRUE GOD DEMANDS RESPECT!!!!" Hermes said grabbing Maseo by the neck and slamming him against a wall.. choking him as his grip grew tighter and tighter and all Maseo saw in front of him...

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A MAN IS PUSHED PAST HIS VERY LIMIT

And then.... CRACK....

Nothing else more... than that as Hermes would throw his violaters corpse to the side and would start to run laughing wildly until he was far enough from the facility where it was no longer in view and all he could see was just endless amounts of snow and land as Hermes got onto his knees laughing wildly and insanely... but as the clouds went away.........revealing the stars and the broken moon...

Leaving Hermes to look up at it... as tears rolled down his cheeks and just for a moment... Hermes' sanity... returned albeit for that one moment before it regressed back into the recesses of his mind.... as he stood up...

"I-I-Iam... The True God.... Hermes..." He said walking away still covered in blood and bits of gore... now uncertain where he will go.. but his freedom was assured..

[secretsister]

Gonna start blogging on this. I need to write more this year, no matter the kind of writing. I mostly dont get to read what I want these days and what I have to read is bad and its making me a worse thinker, I think.

This week I encountered a lot of false nostalgia, grieving imagined loss. My psychoanalyst is breaking up with me in a few months and I haven’t figured out how to deal with the leaving of someone who’s been the keeper of the house of my mind for the past almost three years. A few nights ago I had a dream where I was in a campus that I felt so distinctly like I had been to before, even thinking specifically in it, “Oh, how different it feels to be back here, I remember when I used to walk this way to x class and the light came in like this when I was going to y.” But I woke up and realized I had knew nothing about this place, it wasn’t even similar to anything I did know or had dreamed about before. We wondered if the feeling of returning to something which used to be familiar only to realize the familiarity was no longer there or no longer true was what it would feel like some time after I stop seeing her, and I no longer do analysis. The idea that I would no longer remember the feeling was frightening.

But yesterday night I felt maybe I wouldn’t forget it so quickly. I know what the talking cure feels like, and maybe there will still be glimpses of it peeking through in my conversations with kindred spirits. The magic of analysis is the relationship that develops between analyst and analysand, after all. I was coughing so badly I called Adam for company, was so exhausted I couldn’t hold up the phone to my face. So I put him face up next to my pillow and lied down and told him about the post I saw from a trees guy on twitter about old American chestnuts. There used to be tons of them east of the Mississippi up til the 20th century, and then a disease took almost all of them out. It made me realize I had never seen a tree like that, that huge. (I should go visit the sequoias). It’s sad I won’t ever know what it feels like to sit under one of the chestnuts on a sunny afternoon and look at the sky and clouds and yellow grass and dirt path and squirrels in the tree. I wonder if there would be birds, and what they would sound like. Last time I was in California a crow sat in a tree by the coffee shop and cawed for almost forty-five minutes.

I’ve been listening to Dogmas by Kississippi on repeat for most of the evening. Earlier I accidentally let the whole album play, and realized that I had encountered Greyhound--the last track on the album--before. I haven’t saved music for some years now except in whatever playlists I make, so lots of songs I used to like are lost until I encounter them again or they get stuck in my head and I have to search for them. This must have been from freshman year of college, when I listened to a lot of singer voice guitars indie music for my radio show. I bet I could find it if I went through all my playlists from those years. 

[semi-imaginary-place]

I played kingdom hearts union x early in its release days like 2016 and i tried really hard to stay up with it but im just not built for the mobile gaming meta which is geared for daily/weekly engagement over the course of years. i've had this problem with every mobile game i've ever tried to get into, i've tried like 10+ and genuinely wanted to get into these games but i just can't. Anyways eventually I couldn't keep up with ux's powercreep and pay to win gacha, and more importantly its rate of story development. UX is like 98% filler content 2% series breaking story revelations and that actual story only dropped like once a year so I'd play for a year to keep my medals semi competitive because story is also gated behind medal strength all to get a 10 second cut-scene that left 50 million questions and eventually i just could justifying playing ux as being worth it. so i quit a few years later and havent touched the game since and now im rewatching the cutscenes and yeah when ux is good its good and that good part is just inundated with filler. I'm rather fond of the artstyle its like little paper dolls and the devs manage to put so much emotion and nuance with those simple animations its one of the several impressive parts of ux.

a list of revelations. the disney worlds the player visits are fictional, projections made from the book of prophecy to collect lux. each union member has a chirithy, chirithys are dreameaters and thus daybreak town is in the realm of slumber, chirithys are tied to their union member. one fades away when their union member is lost to darkness, i assume ephemer's turns a darker shade of gray. quests 362-275 the plot really begins.

quest 401 the first dandelion metaphor. in a fashback to the day the player meets ephemer, ava compares ephemer and other union members to dandelions, wishing to entrust the future to them somewhere far far away. oh this is the beginning of unchained x. wait this is showing an alternate timeline in which ephemer didn't go missing. ah that was a dream

wait. you're telling me the japan exclusive kingdom hearts x doesn't have the same plot as ux. ux isn't a remake of x its a sequel and we're in a timeloop or memory or datascape or something??????? NOMURA! NO! Bad game dev! Bad! STOP PUTTING CRITICAL PLOT INFORMATION IN JAPAN EXCLUSIVE MOBILE GAMES THIS IS LIKE THE 4TH TIME!!!!! uuuuuuuuuuuuuu time to figure out what khx was about.

uuuuuggaisdadf;o;jkal/k so it so yeah ux reuses x content under the premises that player character is reliving their memories but then continues the story. it seems like i played through most if not all of the x content. i got pretty far huh like through the 700s quests. I wonder why they changed the gacha from cards to medals? cards feels more appropriate since its already a recurring motif for kh like chain or memories or luxord.

quest 425: the ava battle. i remember being stuck here for like a month because my medals were too weak and so i had to grind and gacha until they were strong enough bleh. ephemer sent the dream of exploring the tower with the player. ephemer is in a unchained state in another realm. dont know what that means. and if he can send dreams ava says he's close to "that realm". huh

quest 525. got stuck on this one too.

quest 540: i vaguely remember the enemies here were green. i do appreciate how khux is the story of things going from ok to bad to worse. the enemies here look like heartless but they can talk and are seeking lux. also second time player character talks. purple chirithy! i remember you. is the implication here that purple chirithy used to be the dark gray chirithy we saw earlier? ah so those heartless were former union members filled with darkness. i vaguely remember this and that dark chirithy is a nightmare. purple/dark chirity's wielder is close wonder what that means.

quest 555: they speak again! confirming that ephemer is their friend. the player character petting chirithy was a nice touch. union leader implies they killed ephemer eventhough earlier ava said ephemer was in another realm. i joined unicornis btw.

The Player: "And then I met Ephemer. We didn't know each other for very long, but he left a lasting impression. Not all of our memories are good ones; in fact, he even broke one of our promises. No matter what happened, I knew we were still friends. But you took him away from me."

The Player: "I feel sad, I feel angry, I feel hurt. Maybe that means I have darkness in my heart; I don't care."

The Player: "But I can't let you get away with what you did to my friend. Even if I have to fight you, even if I don't stand a chance, even if I may disappear... I will because I know in my heart that Ephemer would do the same if he were here."

The Player: "Master Ira, I mean no disrespect, but this is something I must do."

Ava's dandelions, a hope for the future cast to the wind. seeds to begin anew. yeah this part where the player character chooses to stay stuck out to me when I was playing. first, quest 555 is where the player characters shows real independence and agency from the player, they have their own thoughts and feelings about ephemer and the end of the world. second, that their greatest concern was not with the destruction of the world, the war, or the legacy of keyblade wielder but of the unchosen left to fight and die, and that the player character chooses not to be one of the special.

the recent kh games have really gone far with the fictionality of the narrative. very post modern meta texual like sora "dying"? and existing the fictional world for the non fictional one. "world outside" here is again vague. if daybreak down is indeed a dream realm then why would ava specify that the dandelions are going to train in worlds made of dreams. but if this is a dream then the dandelions are going to the universe of the main series? i mean thats where luxu/braig ended up with the box. i definitely need to read a plot summary when all this is over.

[missmewts]

Literally I’d love any fic about Kai

xx 💜

Bad Dream, Baby

pairings; pre cult kai anderson, gender neutral reader

rating; pg-13

warnings; nightmares, not proofread, a little rushed (written in like, 20 minutes. sort of a vent fic lols)

kai wasnt the most affectionate person. he never has been. he preferred not to have physical contact. he didnt ask about other peoples feelings because he didnt like talking about his. he shook hands occasionally, gave hugs, asked if they needed to talk about it when he found someone crying. but thats as far as it went. at least until you. you were his first official relationship. you were dark, and somewhat scary. sometimes his heart abused his ribcage at just the thought of seeing you. you wore dark clothes and you used sarcasm and you had resting bitch face. it scared him a little bit. but he loved it.

thats why he never would have expected you to wake him up in a panic, limbs trembling and your face wet.

it started earlier in the day. you had a tough day, and confided in kai. you met him at the door, he grabbed your hand, and walked you past his family and down to the basement. 

kai was timid, that much was obvious. you noticed that he was opening up more to you the longer you stayed. you liked that. the two of you laid bundles of blankets on the cold cement floor, and laid down. he wrapped his arms around you, something that was rare for him. he preferred to be the one laying against your chest. but this time, he held you to his. 

and it didnt take long for you to drift off. you were absolutely exhausted. it was when you woke up that was the bad part. you jolted with a start; the basement was dark apart from kai’s laptop, which had been left open to hulu. he had rolled over in his sleep, his back facing you. 

you didnt want to wake him. you felt bad doing so. you trembled, trying to decide what to do. but the more you thought about it, the more upset you got. it wasnt until you noticed your knees bobbing that you even realized you were shaking. it wasnt until you brushed your hair back out of your face you even realized you were crying. noticing these things made you feel worse. taking a slow breath, like kai always tells you to do, you lean on your elbow and use your other hand to rub his back. he sighed softly in his sleep, his sides tensing and relaxing again. you migrated your hand to his shoulder, where you shook it. it took a minute, but he began turning, grunting softly. it didnt take him long to realize it was you, or to realize that you were upset. he laid on his back, and extended his arm. 

on instict, you scooted across the blanket, curling up in his side. neither of you said anything. the beating of his heart soothed you. you used it to steady your breathing for every three beats, you would take a deep breath. 

“wanna talk about it?” he murmured softly, but to you, it felt like he was screaming. his chest vibrated underneath your ear. your hand trailed his stomach. “no.”

kai’s hand found your back, rubbing slow circles into it. “thats okay. we dont have to.” he let a few moments pass. “can you tell me what happened? i gotta know so i know how to help you.” 

you sighed softly, working up the courage to speak. you tested your trembling voice, starting with “i just,” then clearing your throat and starting stronger, so your voice didnt falter. “just a bad dream.”

you could hear kai nod against the pillow. “thats okay, baby.” the stability you granted yourself shattered under the validation, your lip trembling and the tears you fought to bay flooded past the gates. “sorry.” you whispered. 

you could hear him shaking his head. “not at all, dont be sorry. im glad you woke me up.”

you found safety in the volume he spoke at, despite your whispering. you brought your leg up, placing it on his thigh and curling your calf behind his knee. his hand sat in your hair, scratching your scalp softly.

after a few minutes, he spoke again. “im glad you woke me. im always gonna be here. im not gonna let anything get you. okay? im here.” you nodded against his chest, and began synchronizing your breathing with his. and with the slow, steady rise and fall of his chest, you drifted back off.

[loversj0y]

late night talking

pairing: cc!sapnap x reader (no use of y/n)

summary: sometimes days dont go to plan. it’s a good thing sapnap is there. and maybe sometimes the best things come from the worst days

tws: food mentions, sleeplessness, suggestive content, this one is pure fluff tbh (theres also a bad wordplay)

author’s note: guess who has another song fic? this one is inspired by late night talking by harry styles because it is just very sapnap coded in my brain. this entire fic was inspired by that song while i was driving. big thanks and much love to @sacnac​ for proofreading <3

I let out a long sigh, dropping my backpack down in the kitchen and collapsing against the counter for a few silent moments. I tried to stay as silent as possible as I straightened up to grab a glass of water, eyes skimming over the time on the oven. 4:07 A.M. I’d never had a day go so far from my plan and just become a pile a horribleness. I’d been up for nearly twenty-four hours, simply trying to get to my boyfriend, Sapnap’s, place. We hadn’t seen each other in months, and I was only going to be in town for two weeks, so the plan was to make the most of it. However, that was not what the universe intended for the two of us. 

It had started with my phone apparently coming unplugged in the middle of the night and dying. Instead of my usual alarm waking me and allowing me to have time to get ready, I was awoken by sheer panic at the fact that I was a solid five minutes from completely missing my flight. This was followed by the Uber I’d ordered being late, which allowed time for me to completely burn the breakfast I’d tried to speedily make. So, starving and with 10% battery, I’d gotten into the already-late Uber that smelled like cigars and cheap wine, and I listened to my driver talk on the phone (since I’d forgotten my headphones) as I rode to the airport. Everyone at the airport seemed to have it out for me, walking impossibly slow through corridors too small as I waited in TSA. Not to mention tripping out of my shoe and slamming my arm into the conveyer belt. To make matters worse, the coffee shop was still closed, and Sapnap wasn’t even awake yet for me to complain to about everything. 

However, once I finally arrived to my gate, with just a few minutes left to spare, I hit a wall. Both literally, and metaphorically. I smacked into a column by my gate as I read the screen, and I groaned after I pulled away to actually comprehend the screen in front of me. Turns out I was early, because my flight was delayed nine hours over some cloudy weather. 

Except it wasn’t nine hours at first. No, I sat there for nine hours as every hour I prepared in anticipation to board, and every hour they pushed the time further back. When it became clear that it was going to be awhile, I called Sapnap, but the airport was too loud for me to be able to hear him at all. He’d gone live for a little bit, which would’ve allowed me to at least have a piece of him through all the hell, if not for the fact that the airport wi-fi was incredibly shit. I finally was able to have a conversation with him once the night rolled around and the airport began to empty out, and I could tell he was tired. He’d woken up earlier than he usually does to try and help prepare for my arrival, and I’d almost felt bad for Dream given that I know he was not quiet while cleaning. 

“Baby, it’s okay if you want to sleep. Honestly, I’m exhausted too.”

He whined a bit, “But who’ll be here to greet you when you arrive? And I wanted to pick you up.”

“Well, you know I don’t like you driving at night anyway. But Patches can greet me at the door, and you can greet me once we wake up next to each other.” “But I want it to be nice for you,” He’d whined again, exhaustion clearly slipping into his voice.

I chuckled, “it will be. It’ll be just like when I move in together in the future. I have my key still, and I’ll come sneak into bed and cuddle you. And everything will be perfect in the morning.”

“Mmm, but I wanted to greet you with a kiss. And some big lovin’ hugs, darlin’” He drawled on, “and maybe a lil butt pat or two.”

“Well, sweets, I’ll give your cheek a kiss once I lay down. Plus, you can get all that in the morning. But only if you go to sleep. I need my baby all well rested for me,” I hummed lightly as I spoke. 

“Whatever you want, darlin’, I’ll do. Anything for you. Good night, baby. I love you.”

“Good night, Sap. I love you too, and I’ll be giving you kisses in bed before you know it.”

He hummed out a content noise, and I could hear him slowly settling into bed, “Yeah, you’ll be covered in kisses soon. All the smooches.”

We spoke for a few minutes more before I listened to his words slow into a Texan drawl that led into soft quiet breaths.. It was a bit of brightness in the dull grey of the day so far. Eventually, I boarded the plane, and though the end of the tunnel of hell was near, I ended up stuck to an old man who snored the entire time, and since I’d had no headphones, I couldn’t sleep. 

When I’d managed to hobble myself out of the plane and call an Uber to Sapnap and Dream’s, I’d felt myself growing increasingly annoyed from the long day. I had a burning hatred for my own plans failing, and I’d gone off and on between blaming the universe and myself, but with the exhaustion settling in, I just felt annoyed. I stayed silent in the car ride there, just sitting and staring out the window. I tried to nap but found that I just couldn’t sleep. The exhaustion in my bones was being offset by my own frustration and annoyance, keeping me from ever relaxing enough to actually sleep. I rested my eyes here and there, but I just could not, for whatever cursed reason, actually fall asleep. 

And that led to here. Standing in a kitchen I hadn’t seen in months with full body exhaustion, entirely unable to fall asleep. And even when I thought I had Patches to cheer me up, she ran into Dream’s room. Instead, I resigned myself to making a cup of tea in the hopes that it would lull me into , if not sleep, at least relaxation enough to lie in bed with my boyfriend. 

I shut my eyes. After a few silent moments, I felt two arms wrap around my waist. Soft kisses were pressed against my neck, leading up to my ear, “I thought you were gonna come right to bed,” he murmured softly against my ear. 

I turned and wrapped my arms around my boyfriend, relaxing into him, “‘M sorry, love. I  can’t sleep,” I mumbled weakly. 

He let out a quiet whine, hugging me closer, “I’m sorry, babe. How was your day?” 

I felt my chest grow tight. I wanted to formulate an answer, but instead, I just let out a soft sob. I didn’t even want to cry, let alone realized that I needed to, but once he’d asked how my day was at all, I couldn’t hold back the floodgates. 

“Hey, hey, darling,” he pulled out from the hug, looking at me and gently wiping the tears from my eyes, “It’s alright, talk to me, what’s going on?” 

I just let out another wrecked sob as he softly rubbed my back, “it’s just – it’s been really hard being without you, and today was just so shitty, and I want to sleep so badly, I’m exhausted, and I’ve just missed you so much, and-” I sobbed again, leaning into his chest. 

He wrapped his arms around me, speaking softly into my ear, “Shh, it’s alright, baby. You’re here with me now, I’ve got you.” He kissed the top of my head gently, “C’mon, I want you to take a nice deep breath with me, and then you’re gonna drink your tea, and I’m gonna stay up with you until you can sleep, sound good?”

I nodded softly, and he rubbed my back gently. After a moment, he took a deep breath, and I followed in suit. Once I’d calmed down a bit, he pulled away, grabbing my tea. He mixed in a bit of honey – the way he knew I liked – before handing it to me, and I took a slow sip quietly. 

I turned back around to hug my boyfriend, but he wasn’t next to me anymore. I frowned for a moment until I heard the music. I recognized the song instantly, and I snorted softly as Sapnap came around the corner, a hairbrush in hand as a microphone, pointing at me as he began to lipsync to the song. He danced around with it as well, giving me a full performance. I snickered behind my mug, watching him with a grin. He wrapped his arms around my waist, singing to me now.  “If you're feelin' down, I just wanna make you happier, baby,” he held me close by the waist, moving around with me. I set my mug down after I took another sip, grabbing onto his forearms. I grinned quietly, “What are you doing?” He just shook his head, grabbing my hands and spinning me around as he continued to sing. “Now you're in my life, I can't get you off my mind,” he kissed the top of my forehead as he finished the line, and I just laughed, grinning with him. By the start of the next verse, he had me performing with him, singing to him as he continued to dance around with me. We may not have gotten our perfect welcome, but I wouldn’t trade the moments like these for all the stars in the sky. 

Once the song came to a close, and we sang the final lines to each other, he wrapped an arm back around my waist, his other hand coming up to cup my cheek as he leaned in, giving me a soft and loving kiss. We only pulled apart when we absolutely had to, and our foreheads gently pressed together as neither of us wanted to separate for long. 

“What was that for?” I questioned softly, looking up at him once we did finally pull apart. 

He shrugged, giving me a goofy smile, “I couldn’t stand seeing you upset. You mentioned liking that song, so I wanted to cheer you up.” He lightly ran his hand over my cheek, gently rubbing under my eyes where tears had been mere moments before, “Couldn’t stand not seeing your gorgeous smile.” 

A rose-flush dusted my cheeks as I grinned at him softly. “Well, it definitely worked,” I lightly pecked his lips, “so thank you.”

He grinned softly, “Anything for my darlin’.” He moved his hands down, lightly tapping my thigh. I jumped up, and he held me tightly around his waist. He moved one hand up to gently rub my back, walking to the couch. 

“You know,” he started, looking down at the couch, “you mentioned how you’ve been really missing me.” 

I nodded softly, prompting him to continue. 

“Well, I’ve been really missing you, too. And well, if you’d want to…” he took a deep breath, “we have the space here. And I’d love for you to move in.”

My heart felt so full of love I felt as though I would burst. I wanted to say yes, however…

“I’d love that, but I just – I don’t want to overstep. This is yours and Dream’s place, and George is supposing to be moving in soon, I just – I want this to be yours and the boy’s space, I don’t want to affect anything.” In my exhaustion, I seemed to ramble a bit. I really did want to live with Sapnap. But just because Sap was okay with it didn’t mean the other two were, so I’d make excuses to keep his home life calm if I had to, “plus, I have issues with work. I’ve been saving to move down here, but I still haven’t actually found a job yet, so I can’t just leave.” 

He hummed, pulling me in closer to his chest. “Well, I can actually solve those problems right now.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “this idea of mine isn’t exactly…new.” He paused for a moment, thinking to himself. He stood up again, still holding me, and he walked me upstairs to the room next to his, “This room was originally just going to be set up for storage, but,” he set me down before opening the door, and I looked around quietly. It felt like home immediately. A simple layout, just a bed, desk, nightstand, and chest of drawers, and the walls were decorated only slightly, small things including a polaroid from our second date. 

I walked around a bit, “What’s- I don’t,” 

“This is what I’ve been working on since you left. I talked to the boys already, and they both agreed that they’d be okay with you moving in. And I have no doubts, I know you’re my forever. So I’ve been setting this up – your own space, just so you can still have your privacy and if you need alone time and everything. And I did the math, since you wouldn’t have to worry about rent, you’d have enough saved up to be set. I mean, Dream makes enough for the all of us at this point, so you know,” he shrugged a bit, looking shyly across the room to avoid making eye contact. 

I turned back to him, moving as quick as I could into his arms, practically tackling him onto the bed. I nodded quickly, “Okay. Yeah. I- I’d love to,” I grinned at him. He perked up, grinning back at me, “Really? You’re serious?”

I nodded again, a wide grin covering my face. 

He picked me up, spinning me around in his arms and whooping loudly. “Hell yeah! Let’s fucking go!” He laughed happily, holding me tightly and pulling me in for a strong, loving kiss after. 

I kissed him back happily, softly laughing along with him. There was nothing but warmth in my chest. Thirty minutes with the love of my life seemed to wipe clear the 18 previous hours of hell. He kept a hand on my cheek, grinning happily. 

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. And live with you. We can do so many things! We could go grocery shopping together! Or go get Ikea furniture!” He laughed happily, grinning at me, “we could get up to so much stuff.” 

“So much stuff?” I questioned with a grin.

“Shenanigans. All of them. We could prank Dream. We could scare George, he gets really jumpy, especially at night. And we could do other stuff,” he grinned, reaching a hand down to grab my butt.

I laughed, smiling lovingly at him, “We’ll definitely get up to ‘other stuff’. I know how needy you get when I leave for home.”

He kissed my cheek, “I just can’t help it. I love my baby,” he kissed my other cheek, “you know, we could get up to other stuff in Dr-”

“If you are about to suggest we fuck in Dream’s room, I’m taking a flight back home.”

He quickly closed his mouth. 

“Wow, I’m already liking this one more than you as a roommate, Sap,” Dream spoke up, standing in the doorway of what was now my room. 

“Hey, shut up,” Sapnap threw a pillow at his roommate, “What are you doing up?’

Dream shrugged, “I wasn’t asleep for long. I was editing a video til about three. Then I got woken up by some… music,” he gave Sapnap a look, and Sapnap just shrugged. 

“Hey, I had a very important job to do. My darlin’ needed cheering up.” 

Dream just nodded in understanding, “I’m gonna assume you said yes to the whole moving-in thing?” I just nodded up at him.

“Thank god, Sapnap’s been annoying us for months talking about it,” he pitched his voice up, mimicking Sapnap, “Dream, do you think it looks nice? George, what if it goes wrong? What if-”

“Okat, shut up now, good night, Dream.”

Dream rolled his eyes, “Good night, love birds. No fucking too loud. Use protection, Sapnap can’t be trusted to raise a kid yet.”

I snorted a bit, rolling my eyes,  “Good night, droommate.” 

He glared at me a bit, looking between me and Sapnap. “Oh, god, there’s two of you now.” He huffed out quietly, just shaking his head and turning around. 

I looked up at Sapnap, and we both just laughed. 

We spent the next two hours, sitting in bed and talking and planning our life together. When I finally felt the exhaustion taking over, and I finally fell asleep, it was closing in on seven A.M., and the sun was rising. But neither of us cared, more focused on the look in each other’s eyes as we fell asleep with late night “i love yous”.

[fischltao]

Pillowtalk

characters: shouta aizawa x fem!reader

warnings: fluff, reader gets a bit jealous/possessive, mentions of sex, spoilers for bnha season 1-2, teacher!pro-hero!reader, cigarettes after sex songs

notes: this is a small drabble i wrote now that i've finished my exams and work for the day, enjoy♡

the soft breeze caressed his skin as he watched the cityscapes from his slightly opened window sill. besides him laid a soft figure, illuminated by the moon glow that seeped through the curtains. he sighed looking back at her sleeping soundly as a light smile graced her features-probably an indication of her having a good dream.

aizawa wouldn't have it any other way. moments between the pair were rare, especially after the new school year had started, bringing more and more stress to the pair of pro-heroes. sure they'd both see each other in the class they were co-teaching every day but since their relationship was private and pda in front students was off limits they couldn't help but crave those quiet moments when it's just them two, alone.

"baby? did something happen? why are you awake?"

"just couldn't sleep" he whispered back, laying down and pullying her on his chest, mindlessly tracing figures on the exposed skin of her arm "why did you wake up?"

"didn't feel you next to me" her voice was raspy indicating the deep sleep she was in a couple of moments ago and hinting at their actions of love earlier in the evening. he smiled at the thought and kissed her forehead before nuzzling into it "i'm so glad we're okay. the children too. when i saw izuku-kun with both his arms broken and found out that bakugo-kun had been abducted i just felt so...useless. i am a pro-hero supposed to teach kids to become even better heroes than us but i couldn't even protect them. we couldn't even save bakugo by ourselves, the kids had too, made me consider giving up, y'know?"

"not our fault. you were helping so much, if it wasn't for you those kids in the forest would die, you even captured one of the league of villains and-"

"and that wasn't enough shouta. having to face their parents made it even worse, we failed them" in all honesty she was right, the hero system was fucked up and she never hesitated to talk about it openly, no matter how much trouble it would get her into. she was just stubborn like that "but i also can't seem to trust anyone else to take care of them but us. so thats why im not giving up. they rely on us and they're such good kids. if they got another teacher, they wouldn't know them like we do. i also might have a soft spot for them...do you think so too?"

"you know, i really can't think of anyone else who could take better care of bakugo than you. back in our ua days, you were just like him when you got angry" he spoke as she hit his chest lightly with a sleepy smirk on her face "do you remember when you got angry after mrs joke asked you if she could have me? we weren't even dating then. midnight says that you were losing your mind since you didn't know if you were more mad at her for 'stealing me away' or at the fact that you didn't know how to word that she couldn't have me without admitting your crush. you were fuming"

"it was so embarrassing, im so glad i don't act like that anymore...poor emi" she sighed looking back up at her boyfriend "sho?"

"hm?"

"i can't stand the thought of you with anyone else, okay? never did" she spoke as she moved in a sitting position before pulling herself on aizawa's lap "i-i dont want anyone to have you other than me" she exclaimed looking straight into her lover's eyes while pinning him on the bed.

"i know baby, i know" he whispered their lips met halfway in a searing hot kiss "i would never leave you for nothing on earth" another hot kiss "never"

"sorry i got carried away" she shy'ed away as he looked at her amused. it was something about those moments with her that made him absolutely weak "i know you wouldn't do this to me, i trust you, shouta" and with that she was back with laying onto him while he caressed her back.

"i wish we could stay like this forever" he begun as he stared up to the ceiling "you know just staying here in bed together as your spotify keeps playing cigarettes after sex's songs and we just talk about nothing"

she hummed getting lost in the way his voice tickles her ears and eases her mind. "and when you go away i still see you"

"i didn't know you knew the lyrics sho"

"its a beautiful song, it reminds me of you" after that the couple had stopped talking to listen to the rest of the track. it truly was beautiful. in her mind it aizawa looked like how every single cas song would sound. He gave her warmth, comfort, love and lust. only he knew her body and her the depths of her soul like that.

only him.

only him

aizawa shouta.

"shouta-kun?"

"yes?"

"make love to me"

[i-got-the-feels]

Things I love and can't stop thinking about from The Punisher Season 2

Can Nurture ever win over Nature?

Billy Russo

"I tried. I was there for you, more I can say about smackhead mothers and degenerate fathers. I loved you kids and some of you were happy to love me back. Whatever happened to you, it aint my fault. You can't escape nature. So why are you here. You aint fussy now, that you ain't pretty" - and the rage, hurt, clarity that was seen in Billy eyes (Ben russo, the actor that you are) - and him visiting this person shown after Frank saying Billy would have gone to settle the score. (Also, please note - I am in no supporting any excuses a child abuser makes, this is added to bring out the theme in the show)

"I know what it is that I lost. I had everything that I wanter  but I lost it all. Money, power, purpose, my own company, apparently I don't know whats worse loosing it or not even remembering how it felt like to have it. I'd like some of it back"

And he does - just like he did earlier by selling dreams of brotherhood and support - last time he at least pretended it was via legal means, this time he didn't even pretend

Ask yourselves are you willing to be part of something bigger than just yourselves? I am talking about brotherhood. (Similar speech he gave in Season 1 Anvil Recruitment speech)

"You asked which face I wanted the world to see. This face. This face has everything wrong I ever did written all over it. And when I look into the mirror I wanna see best version of myself again. Do you think that thats possible. Possible for someone like me?"

But remember what he described as his best version?

" They were family. Never had that before, you know? Best version of myself in the service. Swift, silent, deadly. We all were all of those things and fighting for something. We weren't afraid of shit. And now there something on the edges of my mind, like a dark shadow just waiting for me. The thing is doc, I think I deserve to feel the fear, I dont why but I know I deserve this - showing that yes Billy may have hesitated in making those bad choices, but given a chance he would still make those bad ones

(who knew maybe story would be different if he had got a more ethical therapist- read more on that here)

With Dinah

"If that backup gun were there"

"Would you shoot me?"

"In a heartbeat. But you are in control. That how you always liked it. You might not remember but you haven't changed. Same psycotic asshole you always were. You used me"

"Maybe. Doesn't mean I didn't like you too" (notice the lack of apology for manipulating and betraying her)

"Frank did this to me. Didn't he?"

" Sorry, who?"

"No no. You don't do that. Cause I know, I know now. Nobody seems to have answeres but I know you do. I know you do. So I need to know how" (notice the lack of apology for shooting her in the head)

"You sold out everything you ever stood for,anybody you ever cared for. And you did it for money and status, left Frank covered in blood of his wife and children. That's who you are" (Throwback to scene from Season 1 in park - the story of his name- the one he chose and the scene where Frank tells him "You lost, Billy. You lost your honor. You lost everything the second you took the money")

"No no"

"Yeah and when he found out, he came after you and made you pay. Now let me ask you something, look in my eyes and tell me am I lying. Frank wanted to live with that on your face everyday. He put all that ugly on the outside where it belongs. Maybe you should do all of us a favour and shoot yourself and finish this. Because Frank will come after you and finish this"

"Did we have good time, Dinah?"

"Look at how much you wanr to kill me now. We definitely did"

"Every night I dreamed about Frank . Every night. Whom did you dream about. At least you will always have the memories- like her earlier said" I envy you. I envy you for having memories. I should know how I felt about you" (again forget acknowledgement of her pain, but further stomping on that pain to have last word)

With Curtis

"Would you believe me if I told you I was sorry?"

"Sorry enough to turn youself in and pay for it?"

"Oh, I paid already, don't you think. I'm never going back. So anyone who comes at me, it's going to be all or nothing. How did this happen to me HOW DID THIS HAPPEN to me" (Like my buddy, you can tell sorry either way to at least show that you are trying to be sincere - the asking shows you ain't genuine)

With/about Frank

"I would give my life for that man. He knows that. So why would a man, I would give my life for, why would, would he try to take mine away from me"

"Maybe he was never was you thought he was" (Krista being a terrible and untethical therapist - part- i lost count of the number time)

"Maybe I am not. Because I am not. I don't remember, I just don't remember. I loved his family. I loved his family. Closest I had to one of my own. So even if I did, what they say I did. Even if. All right, kill me. Don't leave me like this. To carve me up. There is no honor in that. After everything we went through, I deserve more. I deserve more. He won't stop. He won't stop coming. I wouldn't." (again, no apology or taking of responsibility- he is again shoving away the accountability he should be holding himself to. Last season he did so by saying and believing" I told them I wouldn't be a part of it" and this season he does this way)

"He can't find you if he doesn't know where you are"

"But I would l know that I ran. I want him to feel what I felt. I want him to suffer. I want him to hurt" (like I did - "That skull that came in my dream every night. He wears it on his chest. I know now, I know now, it was him but i don't feel it. I know I know but then I don't know. I mean here (head) but not here(heart). And he was my best friend. My best friend. And he was pointing a gun at me" and Frank knows then when he wears his vest and goes to shoot Bill and says "Its not gonna be me who he sees")

And hurt he did

"Break him and then finish him"

"Take away the one thing he has left. That somehow he is better than you"

"I think I know why I was scared. Because i was locked inside in a room with no way out"

and hurting Frank the way he did

"How does it feel to be locked up in a cage like animal? To be locked in room with nothing but your miserbake thoughts to comfort you. Nothing about that pain is temporary (when he asked his guys to Break him and then Finish him and before leaving said - the pain is temporary, Frankie) . Its like waking death. Like burning in hell. You're your own devil now, Frankie boy. And you are no better than me"

and how he manipulated vulnerable men for his cause and wasn't even honest about his intentions and still ensured they fought his fight when he said this "He isn't a cop. He isn't a judge. He doesn't care for flag, fo us, nothing but his purpose."-opposite to Curtis who refused men to do so even when they asked themselves.

Frank Castle

"You can hide your identity. You can't hide who you truly are" - John Pilgrim about Pete Frank Castle.

"You hate standing still. That's why you always looking for a fight. An excuse to  keep moving. Standing still, more or less is how life works, in real life at least. Most poeple looking for a place to be happy to stand still. And looking for someone to do it with" - Curtis to Frank

reminded me of Amy saying this

"You were glad to fight- like you finally got the excuse to let go"

"No, I am not the one who dies, kid. I am the one who dies the killing. That's the thing everytime I try to be someone different that's when the wrong people get hurt" - Frank to Amy before he goes to kill John

is callback what he said to Amy, Madani and Curtis in the trailer earlier

"You know if you asked me once, I'd told you was pretty much just like everyone else. You know I really didn't give a shit unless my family was healthy or happy. I lost them. Everything changed. I thought I became something different. Well last night, I had a little chat with my wife. I sat by her grave and realised something. This is who I always was. Maria, she knew, she knew what I was. She loved me any way. I'm not like you people. I can do things you can't do. You know what that makes me? It makes me.. This (looking at The Punisher vest). Let me be me. Let me be me."

And Maria knowing it is a call back to Season 1 scene of

"Where is home frank?"

" Is it here or there (the battlefield)?"

"Its here. With you. You know that."

"No. I don't know that." before he says he won't go on another tour that in this season he describes as "Day they died, I told Maria I was done. I wasn't going back. I had just got home the night before. I woke up and saw her face and it came at me and I knew it was right, felt like this weight got weight lifted off my shoulder. I can hear their laughter. It lived in my heart. And thats all I had. But now thats gone. I can't hear it. Not anymore"

Because just like he said "I am home" before he goes to kill Rawlins - now his home is- in his own words- "I killed them. Sometimes i think that's all i got. Just me and the ghosts"

Father John Pilgrim

This conversation with his wife

"You afraid that man you were is still there?"

"I am afraid. He always will be"

This scenes lets us know when he said this in earlier episode, it was about himself

"Your sin will find you out. Somewhere, sometime every little, every big sin will find you out."

"You know what's brotherhood? Its a defense against weakness. You surround yourself with people who are as pathetic as you are. Its  a way to avoid staring your own sins in the face. Brotherhood is a hall of mirros, looking back at you, reflecting your self back at you. But There comes a time where you gotta smash the mirrors and look inside and decide "Who am I? What kind of man am I?" you gotta understand your own true nature and use it. You gotta understand what requires to change. Who amongst us can look at themselves without shame"

Amy Bendix

"The only way to win the game is to not play it"

"Just because someone says something is true,doesn't mean that it us. Even if you wanna believe them. Even if you wanna keep believing them. Even if they believe it themselves. In the end you have to admit they are lying, change hour own path because people never change. They just hide stuff, lie to you and keep letting you down, over and over again. And so you have to decide, do i stay or change the path for myself "

Difference Between Frank and Billy

This conversation between Madani and Krista highlight it

"He has murdered people. Wants to murder Billy Russo"

"Never innocent (people)"

"Who decides who is innocent?"

"I have seen him risk his life without second thought to save women and kids"

"So he is exempt because archaic idea of chivalry?"

"No he is exempt because if he did things Billy did he would feel like he is burning in hell"

and he did when Frank thought he murdered those women this is how he reacted

"I didn't care. I would have killed anything that got in my way. The pieces of shit, I killed, if they deserved to die so do I"

This quote by Krista used as exploration point of two characters - "I wonder why stronger the man, the lesser they are to admit their pain and ask for help" in conversation between Frank and Curtis on difference between Frank and Billy.

"I should have seen maybe I could have helped him".

"When have you known Billy Russo to ask for help?"

"When have I ever asked for help?"

"Cut it out. Billy was lying the whole time. Maybe he didn't know it, but there was something different, he was empty (throwback to Season 1 Frank himself saying - it was always about cars, moneya women for you, wasn't it?) That's the difference, Frank. You give a shit about people, he doesn't. He was most natural marine I have ever seen, other than you, Frank. It wasn't war that twisted Billy. It was greed" (S1 - Billy saying - The only crime in war is to loose)

How Frank ensures that no one has to live the hell he lives

In Season 1 he saved Liberman, in this he saves Amy and Father John.

With John

"They have my sons" .

"I understand you didn't have a chance to save your kids"

"If you did, what would have done?"

"I'd have done any thing"

"Here we are"

"Here we are"

"When you kill them , don't hurt my boys"

"I know who you are. You are the whirlwind"

With Amy

"That's what life is now, alive or dead, them or us? "

"I'll try, ill try that life is different for you, kid"

Because he remembers what he told her when he got to know about her situation and later she of his-

"He killed everbody I ever cared about. How do you think that feels?"

"So what do you wanna do about it?"

"Do about it? They are dead. Gone"

"Now they are after me"

"Sometimes, you gotta fight kid. You take the fight to them"

"They killed your whole family in front of you.Why didn't you tell me that? And you killed them for it?"

"Yeah that's right"

"Did it make you feel better? "

"Sometimes "

But he is STILL living life as it if is hell, as if it is a war as seen in his this scene with Madani

Listen Madani , you are right. I could just kill him and walk away. But that doesn't mean its easy. I can live with it, yeah, i can live with anything. There is no peace up here. There is no happy medium I am looking for. War is not easy.

"War? War? Listen to yourself. It's not some foreign country and guys you never met shooting you. It's home. It's different"

"Is that right? "

"It has to be different"

"Tell that to my wife and kids"

Frank Castle - The child protector

Frank not killing Rex's innocence by telling him about death but also not letting Beth move over the topic and thwarting his curiosity

"You didn't kill him. You shot him. I killed him- (puts another bullet into him)I killed him. I killed him. No you just shot him I killed him. Right. Yeah."

because she shot him because of what he had said to her earlier

"You took a gun off somebody who wanted to use it on you. What do you do? You use it on them. No matter who, don't hesitate"

Beating and torturing the dude who was involved in child pronography and Amy knowing how difficult it is to not kill him and says, "Hey, I am touched. I tryly am. If it makes you feel any better, you can burn the place down"

"Nothing to loose a sleep over child molester and neither should you"- Frank Castle to Dinah Madani over Billy Russo Killing his molester

Madani speaking her mind no matter how messy/complicated.

Her final conversation with Krista Dumont

"I am sorry"

"Which part?"

"Billy dragging you into this"

"He didn't drag me into any thing. I love him"

"Putting three bullets in helped my state of mind. You see the blood? Yes, that's his. He is alone, bleeding and dying"

"He'll kill you for what you did to me"

"Oh you did this to yourself"

On being stuck in the past

"He was there that night?"

"The three of us. Maybe we still are"

- A conversation between Krista Dumont and Dinah Madadni

"Let's just say I was like you. Follow the rules tell the truth and justice will be served. I learned different. Sometimes maybe someone like castle is the closest to justice we get" - Dinah Madani to Brett Mahoney

"They don't tell you fighting for what you believe in will ruin your life because belief doesn't stop a bullet" - Dinah Madani in Curtis's PTSD therapy group.

On what she wants to happen to Billy.

"Why did you vist him day and night in hospital? You were tempted to out him down right?"

"Never"

"Why aren't you  interviewing Curtis in an interview room with your Homeland lackeys around. Why am I here? Its because you know this only ends with Billy dead and that's why I am her to convince you that its okay to want this"

"No"

This conversation between Marion James and Dinah Madani

"Castle and Russo-useful until they develop a mind of their own. Let Castle and Russo deal with each other and finish their little psychodrama"

"So CIA operates on home soil until they aren't pulling the trigger" - A

On truth and how much of it is out there

"People deserve the truth"

"You can call her back and tell her everything- Rawlins , Zubair , Russo . I don't know about justice but the truth would be out there but you and Castle would bear the brunt of it"

but she did say the truth, the necessary one

"Sam Stein warned me against Russo. I ignored his warnings and it got him killed"

I'm jealous of them both. Neither of them give a shit. With  purity of purpose.

Men think they are tougher than us. Too many of us believe it. Its bullshit. They are just better at forgiving themselves than we are.

Frank isn't a criminal. He isn't a hero either.He is just frank, that's who he is

Frank Castle and Sense of Duty

Castle compliment Odgen  "What you did was brave. As brave as anyone I ever saw"

(what Odgen did - I made an oath in front of God, I intend to keep it)

This conversation between Dinah Madani and Frank Castle

"What am I doing carrying this badge?"

" I can’t answer that for you"

You do what you need to do - said throughout the seasons who came on to him while doing their duty - including Dinah Madani, Brett Mahoney, the young soldier who tried to stop Frank from running away from Col Benett's house

Parallels that don't fit a theme and Quotes/Scenes I loved

"Sometimes things make decisions for you" /"You know, kid, Sometimes you find things and they change your life" - Frank Castle, beginning of the season/Episode 13

"Too much real life for a travelling man?" /"So How far did you get?" - Beth Quinn to Frank Castle (because she knows he is used to running and Curtis's he would rather stay angry at world and be part of it and he cannot stand sill and needs to keep moving)

His love for his Maria and kids

"Got someone with porch light on?"

"Wouldn't be here then"

His ring necklace, how he didn't let her touch it when they were making love.

"They were taken from me" - A conversation between Beth Quinn and Frank Castle (also I loved how the sex scene wasn't continuous and their conversation was shown in between because them two getting together was about two wandering souls meeting rather than just a physical thing)

I should throw you out right now. Somehow, I dont feel like I need to/ I don't why I let you in. My best answer is it semeed like the right thing to do - Beth Quinn/ Krista Dumont

"My patients alleged crimes are not my concern. Only his health"- Krista Dumont to Dinah Madani

Beth stretching out the time, the nervousness to tell Frank's fake name to Pilgrim. What a badass.

"The world would come to stop without it technology" "We can hope" - John Pilgrim to his tech dude

Amy thanking Odgen

Amy going under the bed to sleep, cry ans Frank hearing it

"Hang in there. As if we had a choice" - Billy Russo

"Whatever it is that you wanted him to live with, you knocked it clean out of his head. And thats the irony. Now everybody but him has to live with what he did. And what you did too"- Curtis Hoyle to Frank Castle

"I wish you had that (a loving family and safe home- a good childhood) . I am sorry you didn't" Frank Castle to Billy Russk

"Just got to make sure are the dealer"  Castle / "You know its a trap and still going?" "Yeah . It's my trap. At least I know what's coming" - Two conversations between Amy Bendix and Frank Castle

The editing/ visual effects of nightmares paralleling to Madani opening eyes waking up from one.

"Count five blue things" - Krista Dumont to Billy Russo

"I have made peace with all of it. The sadness and fear in my husband's and children's eyes, except, I know this prideful and selfish but the last thing I want to see in this world is you" - John's wife's last wish (and her not getting that because of two rich homophobic asshole fucking sucked, okay??)

"My dad wanted me to learn about justice. Instead I learned about power" - Poloznev to Frank Castle

"Cops and criminals (are similar) .Control over actions.Control over consequence. Control over other people. And most of all, they craved control over themselves" - Krista Dumont to Brett Mahoney

"You said you did this to me Frank ? I said did you did this to me?" "You God damn right I did" - His eyes. His breathing. His acting - Billy Russo on knowing who the skull of his nightmare belongs to.

"You see Frank, you tell people to stay out if it but they care about you. Whether you like it or not. And I wasn't abuout to see you die" - Curtis Hoyle to Frank Castle

"When I saw Bill . He looked at me like nothing had changed. Like we were still friends. When he drew on him, he was shocked. He looked confused. He looked hurt. Like I betrayed him. I looked at his face and saw Maria , I saw the kids and how we used to be together, we were family. And i swear to God he saw it too. I'll tell you rught now Curtis he does not know what he did. He doesn't , I saw that. I had the shot and I froze. It was just for a second but it was too late.

"I had a shot. When he was on streets coming at you, I had a shot. I could have killed him"- Frank Castle to Curtis Hoyle

"You want ger to act normal? There is no normal around you" / "We are not playing games, cCurt. You make mistake and peoole die. They die. I dropped a ball and You did too and a man died" - Frank and Curtis when Frank scared Amy.

"Because I hate beginnings. That awkward false state of everything. You and I didn't have to suffer that. We started in the middle looking forwards, you and I- Krista Dumont to Billy Russ"/ AND Frank shooting Billy in the middle of "apology" because they have lived through awkward beginnings and beautiful middle and tragic almost ends so he knows where Billy is going.

"Maybe everbody wants to make feel someone worse than they do. Maybe everybody gets betrayed in the end" / "Everyone is lonely. We are just fighting hard to not be lonely - Billy Russo/ Karen Page"

"He was one of the one's that killed Frank's family, wasn't he?" "Yeah the worst one because they were his family too" - A conversation between Curtis Hoyle and Amy Bendix.

"You know this can't last forever . You are too smart to not to. But that doesn't mean we can't make plans for after. At some point , enough's got to be enough. It has to be for something" / "I want you to have an after, Frank" - Krista Dumont to Billy Russo/Karen Page to Frank Castle.

"Humans aren't  ruled by logic. We try to, we want to but at the end its insticts and emotions and then we justify ourselves afterwards. Even you. Even me" - The justifications Krista Dumont uses makes herself believe that what she did is okay

"I wasn't lost. I was found" / "Frank didn't take anything from you, he gave you, us a second chance" - John Pilgrim/Krista Dumont.

"I know you hated pulling the trigger but that kept you alive" / "Sometimes the difference between alive and dead is if you are willing and able to pull the trigger" - Frank Castle to Amy Bendix / Karen Page to Senator Ori

"I think if there is hell, that's what it would be. An eternity spent facing our own failings" - Krista Dumont to Dinah Madani.

And finally

"Billy russo chases power because he believes is worthless and unlovable.

Frank castle, he does terrible things but still wants to believe he is good

I believe despite all evidence to contray, one day I will free one of you from yours" (maybe even my own one day- goes unsaid) - Krista Dumont to Dinah Madani.

Season 1

[technowoah]

thinking about angst prompt 'you're right. you're useless' with c!jschlatt where all reader does is try to help him and they eventually get to a breaking point because all they do it give and give and give and get nothing in return so schlatt just turns around and scares the fuck out of them :D

Have a Heart

You end up helping Schlatt after hating his guts. And even though you give every thing to your new president he dosent seem to fucking care

- c!schlatt x reader

- gender neutral reader!

- prompt: 25) "You're right. You are useless" (angst list)

⚠︎: swearing, drinking, smoking, angst, mentions of vomit, c!dream makes an appearance 🤭 not proofread

An// I LOVE THIS SCENARIO UGHH! THANKS FOR REQUESTING AS WELL BUB! I HOPE YOU ENJOY!

"Where's my fucking decree at?!"

"It's in my room Schlatt, please stop yelling." You tried to calm the ram-man down by talking calmer than him, but it only seemed to rile him up more.

"In your room?! Sounds like another fucking excuse that you didn't even finish them." Schlatt waved around his hands which one of them contained a lit cigarette in them. "Look at Tubbo he re-wrote one of my decrees before the festival, which is tomorrow may I add, and gave it to me. You havent even done anything I asked you." He scoffed.

You closed your eyes and held back a huge eye roll. You had done everything that Schlatt asked you to do, the decree was actually sitting on your desk in your room. This has been happening ever since Schlatt became president. He was more nicer, well as nice as Schlatt can get, but now he's been drinking like a moster and it never fails that he shows up to an important meeting drunk and makes you and Tubbo do all the work while Quackity and George are running free doing God knows what.

You had been loyal to Schlatt even when you didn't want to be, you had swallowed your pride along time ago. Every. Single. Task you do. And Every. Single. Time you get more put down that you already do.

Your head was hung low while he still spoke. "Hey! Were you listening to me shithead?! I need those papers by tonight!" Schlatt dug his finger into your chest pushing you back a little.

"Also get me my beer and bring it to the meeting room because apparently that's all you're good for." He finally left the long hallway, stumbling a bit as he walked.

You let out a sigh you didn't know you were holding until you saw him walk away. You walked away to find Schlatg that beer and try to put on a smile for the meeting you are currently dreading. Quickly you stopped by your room to grab the stack of paper Schlatt was yelling about earlier and grabbed a beer from a random room. Schlatt always has alcohol and cigarettes in every room just in case he needs one.

Dragging your feet along the marble floored hallways you mad your way to the meeting room. You didn't want to get there first or even last so your mind switched up from speed walking to continuing your slow pace. You started to walk faster when you heard footsteps behind you.

"Hey!"

You turned around to see Tubbo waving behind you. You stopped in your pursuit to greet your friend.

"Hey Tubbo!"

"Going to the meeting I see." He smiled.

"Sadly yes." You sighed. "I already got yelled at twice today so-"

"Hey! It's better than three!"

"Tubbo!"

"Im sorry! But am I wrong?" Tubbo laughed a little.

"Well I wish it was zero. I give everything to that bastard and I get nothing." You breathed out.

"Really?! I get a lot of-" Tubbo stopped talking after the shock on your face was prominent. "You know what nevermind!" He waved off.

"Of course he would favor you." You walked off keeping a brisk pace with Tubbo apologizing for Schlatt's favoritism right behind you.

Once you reached the door to the meeting room you slowly opened the door to be greeted with, once again, a drunken president and his right hand man looking smug as ever when he had no right to be.

Schlatt's cabinet was a mess. Quackity was only the vice president because he partnered with Schlatt and George became, well, the vice president to the vice president. George was barely around anyways. Then Tubbo and you came from L'Manburg, hating Schlatt's guts at firsy you two learned to be okay with the treatment. And while apparently, Tubbo had better treatment than you, you still gave that president everything you had.

Everything you worked for was for that drunken man sitting at the head of the table. You basically devoted your life to him, writing decrees that represents Schlatts policies because "you dare not write something Wilbur would". You had pulled him from sleeping at his desk at nights, cleaned up his spilled wine and beer, picked up cigarettes from the clean marble floors. He pushed you around and you let it happen too, some people woukd say you've become weak and they were sadly right.

"Aye! Look who it is!" Schlatt slurred his words together. "There's my beer!"

"And your decrees!" You plopped the papers down on the desk as he snatched the beer bottle out of your hand.

"You have an attitude with me?" Schlatt asked quickly.

"No! No why?"

"'Cause you just threw my decrees on the table like they are some sort of scrap." Schlatt tried to find the right words. "Some sort of shit like its not important! Fuckin' have some nerve huh?"

You didn't respond and went to go sit by Tubbo across from Quackity. Schlatt apparently noticed and took it upon himself to say something.

"Asshole! You gonna respond to me?! I am your president!"

You fought the urge to snap back at him so you bit your lip as he continues to yell and make everyone in the room uncomfortable, even Quackity.

"Dammit!" Schlatt slammed the table. "Fuck you! I could kill you! I have so much power over you! I can control everyone in this damned kingdom that I'm second best to! This kingdom was owned by a tyrant! I saved all of you! And all you have to do is respond!"

He stood up during half of his breakdown, but you didn't know when. You could hear every single word he said, but your eyes were threatening to spill tears and you could feel Tubbo's hand grab yours underneath the table.

Schlatt huffed smoothed put his suit and sat back down in his chair.

"So! We're here for the festival."

------------------------

You softly closed your bedroom door not wanting to make more drama by slamming it. This whole week you held in your emotions and tears, but today was the breaking point for you. Your back slid down the door and you started crying, and crying. There was no need to try and deafen your sobs, because you couldn't even if you tried.

Your mind kept reminding you of every single event if today.

First. Tubbo didnt tell you he was still in contact with the former citizens of L'Manburg, and the only way you found out was that today at the festival you saw them and you asked Tubbo. He finally told you with his head hung low as you two stood on the podium. You felt betrayed.

Second. Schlatt gave you an extremely hard time making sure everything was intact for today's festivities. You were stressed out of your mind.

Third. The festival went down hill hard and fast. So fast everything seemed like a blur. Tubbo gave his speech, really fidgety may you add, and then Schlatt and Quackity began trapping him in cement, you tried stopping him, but you were pushed away multiple times. You knew who Technoblade was, so when you heard Schlatt call him up to the podium you started to freak out. Your heart started to pound out of your chest when he brought out an explosive crossbow and pointed it right at Tubbo's chest.

The next thing you know a huge, bright, colorful explosion went off and with you on the podium with Tubbo's murderer sparks flew and hit you, Schlatt and Quackity making all of you have some sort of burn marks. Tubbo was gone, soon to be revived again for his last life on this earth, but seeing him die like that was the breaking point for you.

You stayed on the ground with your knees to your chest sobbing loudly. It was too much for you. Your lungs felt like they had no air inside of them, and your heart felt like a million weights were hung on it. You kept crying until you heard a harsh knock on the door, that felt like they were trying to break down the door than get someone's attention.

"Stop sobbing so damn loud!" Of course it was Schlatt you rolled your eyes and stayed on the floor.

"Leave me alone!" You cried out.

"Damn you sound like you're in pain huh?" You heard him from the other side of the door.

It was silent until the door was forced open and you were pushed with the door on your side. You sat up again to see Schlatt, who was out of breath, above you and had another beer bottle in hand.

"Why did you open ny door?" You asked softly.

"Why didn't you let me in?"

"Cause you didnt ask."

"Excuse me!?" Schlatt grew angry.

"You heard me." You stood up facing the taller man with horns. He was scary, but somehow you got the confidence today.

"I dont think you know who you're talking to shithead!" Schlatt got closer, but this time you stood your ground.

"Im talking to a drunken, egotistical, ram-man who let someone kill the only person I had left!" You yelled in his face while tears fell on your cheeks.

"You do got some nerve! I saved you!" He turned around, his back facing you.

"You made my life hell!" You yelled at him. "You- you made my life worse! You made me feel like I have no purpose, but to serve you and your ragtag cabinet! You made me feel like a useless sack of shit, you-!"

"YOU'RE RIGHT! YOU ARE USELESS!" Schlatt quickly turned around his faced filled with pure anger and his eyes bloodshot. He was breathing heavily and all the confidence left your body as soon as he stumbled towards you.

"You're fucking useless! You're even worse than Tubbo and he was working against me!" Schlatt then let out a strained stream and smashed his bottle on the floor letting the left over alcohol spill onto the floor.

"Do me a favor and leave, go. I dont need you! I dont need this damned place given to me by chance! By a fucking vice president that dosent even do his damn job! I dont need you! You! You and those bastards ruined everything!" Schlatt yelled and then rushed out of the room while holding his mouth.

You followed him quickly into the hallway and watched as he stumbled into the nearest bathroom to throw up the alcohol consumption of today. The tears kept coming as you ran down the hallway hoping that you can get as far away from these ivory buildings as your feet can take you.

----------------------

Your feet hung off the edge of the prime path and underneath there was a small river. You had stared at the water running for about ten minutes since you got there. You noticed immediately when you set foot on the prime path that you had no where else to go except for pogtopia you learned about.

You sighed tilting your head up towards the night sky.

"Lonely?" A voice asked next to you.

You turned your head and saw the well known man dressed in green. Dream had his mask on, as usual, but hood was down letting his blonde hair show.

"Yeah actually." You responded not looking at him.

"I know what happened at the festival."

"Everyone does." You scoffed.

"What happened with Schlatt?" He asked and you turned your head with a confused look on your face. "Dont think I don't know anything that goes on around here."

"I don't know how you found out, but long story short I'm not allowed back there. I dont wanna go back there." You said while standing up facing the man.

"I have someone that can give you a place to stay. If you want to take the offer. Also I wanted to check up on you. You were so close to Tubbo and its hard to lose a friend." Dream spoke softly, but you could still hear him loud and clear even through the mask.

"Thank you. I would want to take the offer for a place to stay." You airly laughed. "I dont want to see Schlatt or Quackity again."

Dream chuckled while giving you a paper with an adress on it before getting ready to leave.

"Don't worry. He'll be dead soon." Dream said before turning around and walking down the prime path.

You should've stayed.

Taglist(s)

MCYT Imagines: @annshit @bobaducky @malfoysslutt @egorldevi