#All of these would make me happy cry so
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#Fanfic#im just so curious#All of these would make me happy cry so#And I’ve gotten some of these things!!#pls reblog for larger sample size#fanfiction#ao3#Ppl who engage with fics are the best#And I feel like engagement wildly varies within fandoms
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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the question is who taught lucanis to knit. was it something he already knew how to do or is he picking it up over the course of the game as part of his 'if I manage to cram enough hobbies in there I won't have to sleep again ever. easy' experiment. did he learn it out of a book (as a sometime knitter, a horrifying thought but I wouldn't put it past him). as hilarious as I find the mental image of caterina with knitting needles I do not believe in it, did he pick it up from someone in the household staff growing up the same way he did cooking. is the sweater he wears with his introductory armour his own work (very funny if so it's just so. incredibly neutral toned and sensible.) I understand why he never does it on screen because animating knitting is the devil's own work and bioware were right to dodge right past it no one should wish themselves that kind of pain, but do you think off-screen he's using it the same way davrin does whittling during team meetings and book club nights (for real the grandmas were so right for this: knitting during social group situations is a neurodivergent life hack like you wouldn't believe if doodling isn't your thing/isn't doing it for you). it's that or sharpening his knives and some people seem to get a bit nervous about that so he mostly sticks to the knit one purl one of it all. does he make things for the team. for romanced rook perhaps. boring but useful things like socks and scarves, to be clear. I think mr. 'I made you a cake (cautiously marital intent)' would not mean to impress just make sure your feet weren't cold jogging around the heights of athim killing darkspawn. knitting more socks for harding so she won't get cold walking around everywhere in her fereldan *checks notes written on palm* clogs. some of taash' outfits... you think rook and lucanis are letting them walk around the anderfels like that without at least a token sensible scarf on even tho adaari are built different in terms of body temperature. I say no not in my lighthouse they would team up and mother hen them to shathann levels before they'd let that happen. (the scarf has dragons on it taash thinks it's kind of cool actually.) a bobble hat for manfred not because he really needs it but because he wanted to feel included. assan indignantly tries to steal it and fly away with it so he gets his own scarf to promote peace between the lighthouse little guys and it works. help.
#lucanis sitting there with his scariest coldest most focused eyes and people going 'hey are you... are you alright there?'#and him looking up like 'hm?🥺🧶oh yes I'm just counting'. it's canon in my heart.#he's just like me frfr in a variety of ways that are really funny fhdskja. I paused on knitting a sock to write this out#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#he overtakes my neurons in such a unique way from time to time I don't even write these things The Truth is just channeled through me#*head in my hands* I love all these characters so much. especially him but all of them. imagining what each of them might like to get#like would bellara want something for an experiment and not so much to wear. do the wisps playfully unfurl anything neve leaves around#for inscrutable reasons of their own. does lucanis make a sweater with something rude on it for davrin. like 'asshole' in antivan#'it's our word for 'warden' :)' 'uh-huh' (davrin still wears it all the time as a pure powermove to be clear)#(im crying 'cover them up warden we're going to lavendel. also happy birthday or whatever' as he tosses the sweater#directly into davrin's cleavage)#I spent most of this day quite unhappy. and then i thought about this for a while and now I feel a lot better#maybe there is joy for me in the world after all. I'll leave the possibility open another day
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I feel like Fitzjames would keep her dick in the same way she'd keep her first name but Hodgson would get every gender surgery invented to date and she'd know all the technical terms for them and all the etymologies of said terms and she'd cheerfully tell Irving and Little all the bloody medical details of each one and she'd do it while they were eating and Little would want to gently object but would not do so because he wants to be a Good Ally and Irving would ignore all his subtle attempts to change the subject and listen to her with an enthralled intensity usually reserved for church services, which could mean nothing.
#WHICH COULD MEAN NOTHING!#The Terror#George Hodgson#John Irving#will refrain from ship tagging but in this scenario (as in all scenarios I envision) the 3 of them are covalently bonded for life#Hodgson; most obnoxious person to ever attend a vaginoplasty consultation:#''And make sure it can REALLY stretch because I want to be able to fit both my partners in there at once--''#Starky's original posts#Starky's text posts#whoever came up with the idea that James would stay James after she transitioned is such a genius#though I did read a fic where she chooses a Portuguese name for herself and it did make me cry QwQ Miss Fitzjames I love you so much!!!#''Hey OP why doesn't Little get to be a girl too?'' Oh you misunderstand me my friends. That's a he/him butch right there! \0w0/#HAPPY TERROR YURI WEEK EVERYONE IT'S BEEN A DELIGHT <3#George Henry Hodgson
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SOMETHING JUST HEALED IN ME BECAUSE CHARLEY AND YURI KISSED AND IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND THIS IS GOING TO FUEL ME FOR MONTHS!!!!!!!!
#i was so sure they wouldn't anymore because the episode was almost over#BUT THEY DID AND I'M SO HAPPY I'M GONNA CRY#i'm gonna print out a picture of that kiss and put it on my wall right over my bed#i'm gonna DRAW that kiss#i'm gonna think about this all day tomorrow gosh this is my favorite thing#THANK YOU SCHOOL SPIRITS#now please keep them like that dont give me any shit okay they have to be happy by the end of this season or i will punch you in the throat#lea's random thoughts#charley school spirits#yuri school spirits#charley x yuri#school spirits spoilers#school spirits#like i don't think y'all get how important this kiss was to me#like i know that's maybe not too good being this emotionally dependent on a ship#but like i would have been fine tho still sad if they hadn't kissed#but i know how it is for gay ships especially in shows where the gay character is not the main character#or where the gay ship is not the main ship#so i was expecting to get literally nothing#my hopes were very hight up because school spirits honestly doesn't do a lot of the dumb stuff many other shows do#but i was still scared they were gonna ruin this beautiful ship (and i still am a little bit)#but currently they didn't they actually made something really amazing and so this is making me happy in a way i can't even describe
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gender rant in tags
#there is a part of me that desperately wants to identify as a man but i just can't#because i hate being associated what that means for people#like yes obviously being big and masculine and putting on muscle and weight is affirming to a lot of people#and that's fine#but i really do not know how to explain how much i do not resonate with that#and how much i equally don't resonate with femininity#i have spent years debating whether i want to medically transition#i know about all the literal physical stuff i just don't know if i want to bite the bullet and do it#and i go on tumblr hoping to find some kind of inspiration some kind of motivation literally anything to encourage me to do it#but literally every post about being transmasc is about being strong and hairy and typically masculine#which. again. is fine. but i literally never feel like my gender is one that even exists#so then i convince myself that it's best not to even try#when i still don't even know if i've decided that's true or not#i dont know#i don't even know where i'm going with this i just feel like i will never ever be seen in my life#and even if i make the jump to medically transition it will mean i may lose a lot of people close to me#so it's not ebven like it's just a gender question it's like well. do you want to feel Vaguely Dissatisfied but not in agony and keep the#things and the people that are closest to you#or do you want to try this thing that you may not even like and risk losing everything#i just wish i fucking knew#i would know if i thought i could be the person i wanted to be on T#but honestly i'm not convinced that i will ever be that person#i see trans people being happy and it just makes me fucking sad#and i fucking hate that#if you’ve read this far I’ll admit to you this was because I started crying looking at the tumblr forcemasc tag. because I’m normal#anyway. goes back to reading my stupid naval uniform book#mine#delete later
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Princess Katelyn in this on her wedding day, yes or no??🤔
Been VIBRATING with the need to draw more royal kateaaron for this AUGH
I mean LOOK. LOOK AT THIS, THIS IS WHAT I IMAGINE AARON WEARING TO THEIR WEDDING. maybe more silver but that’s okay we can do that
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They’d look so good. Katelyn in this dress and Aaron in this suit, they’re such a power couple if we’re being completely honest with ourselves. Katelyn kisses him first in excitement, but once he catches his balance Aaron sweeps off his crown and kisses her as she deserves to be kissed (lots of smiles and little laughs and very sweetly)
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Find the royal au masterpost here 💕
#still haven’t figured out their earrings#but that’s okay we got time#I. love them#I want the twins to be the ones holding bouquets#palmetto tradition is that the equivalent party (Aaron and Andrew) present their spouse with a special bouquet#and usually the spouse likes to be surprised by the kinds of flowers#so Katelyn told Aaron to surprise her with her flowers at their wedding and Aaron agonized about it for DAYS#I haven’t looked into what he might choose#but it’s a good way for him to show he can be just as sappy as Andrew#under the right circumstances#he made sure this wedding was wonderful#which was maybe unnecessary bc Katelyn would have been happy just eloping#(though the wedding was admittedly nice)#she’s just happy to be with Aaron#they make me CRY#fan art#my art#aftg#all for the game#aaron minyard#katelyn#very funny that in this au we have 1) no canon katelyn surname#2) no family name for Abram bc he gave it up#so they’re allllll minyards now#good times all around#kateaaron#royal au#asks#kisses
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Hey, Star Trek Writers... -taps the glass-
#star trek#the only people from Voyager's main cast I could see wanting to be a captain are Chakotay ??? maybe? and DEFINITELY Harry Kim#Harry Kim is the only guy on that ship who I'd actually cheer and scream and cry and click my heels if he became captain#bc it's actually something I think he'd be suited for AND it fits with his personality/goals...<3#like I saw a clip from Picard and like...Seven of NINE??? Why would she want to be a captain?? I think in that case 'making captain' is jus#shorthand for 'we finally accept you into structured society and you're no longer an outcast' which I do NOT like#also Tuvok's a captain???? Why???? Nothing about Tuvok screams captain material or that he'd even WANT to be a captain#I imagine him being chief of security or a professor (or both) until retiring - MAYBE a first officer#OH same with Janeway only she would HATE being an admiral and loves being captain#like next they're gonna tell me that B'Elanna Torres is a starfleet captain* - NO ! she is an ENGINEER!#Sorry I can't get over how bad Tuvok would be as a captain - he's not suited for it and does NOT seem interested#*so that we can all go 'oh yay I accept this as shorthand for the federation accepts her' - HEY#if the only thing you can think of to show that a character has achieved true happiness & respect & peace is becoming a 'respectable' rank#in the future pseudo not-military: maybe think about that more deeply
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#yup‚ yup..!#b– bidoof! waaahhh! yeah. you thought this post was gonna be happy. then i reminded you of *that* scene. yeah. it makes me cry too. s. snif#time to think about all those theories that bidoof is actually the one who caused the end of the world‚ huh? by jirachi's hand and all#bidoof#i don't think i liked him very much in my first playthrough of pmd sky to be honest. just the fact that he was only really relevant for the#beginning of the game and he was also only relevant for being Barely higher rank than the player team so he could show them around#which was cute and all. and then obviously he came back right for the end which. sob. cry. sniffle. so i like him now. more than i did#which is good. i wouldn't want anyone to not like bidoof. after everything he's been through? he doesn't deserve to not be loved…#look at that face. would you dislike that face? i would not dislike this face. not again
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- No, this is one duel I refuse to lose! -
#“I'm staying by your side!” and I cry all my tears#“I won't let you leave me!” and the tears just don't stop#“I want to linger in this moment... but I have a mission!” I'm desperate about them#Yuma fought so fiercely to save Astral from his fate#he fought with all himself to keep Astral with him#he used everything he had learned from Astral and the duels fought at his side to find another ending for them#the way Yuma proclaimed that he would stay at Astral's side#He was holding on to every hope to save Astral (and Utopia symbolized that same hope)#and you can see so clearly the determination and the desperation of Yuma#it's in his expression it's in his words he wouldn't have let Astral die no matter what#even if that meant defeat Astral#even though Astral's mission had the purpose of protecting their worlds Yuma wouldn't have leave him sacrifice himself#The line about how the memories of the duels they had fought together has become Yuma's flesh and blood#is just like what Yuma had said in ep 48#but here Yuma is screaming all at this to Astral#I love these two too much#and yet they make my heart cries#they wanted to stay together but their fate was already decided and just one of them has accepted that (although with sadness)#I want them to be happy#This duel destroys me every time I read it#Now excuse me as I go to cry in a corner because of these panels#astral zexal#astral yugioh#yuma tsukumo#zexal#yugioh zexal#yu gi oh zexal#ygo zexal#zexal manga#zexal manga spoiler
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Sweet things from an otherwise brutal week:
—ran into a parent who saw me and said “Macbeth right now, right? My son is so excited about it” and when I say I would never have ever guessed that. Except that as soon as he said it I was like oh yeah, he’s been volunteering to read more than usual and looks the smallest bit more awake
—I was doing some basics of writing review with my sophomores and touched on the ‘don’t use first person pronouns’ rule and we were talking about why and then Jane Eyre popped into my head so I told them that first person pronouns could be used to great effect in fiction and quoted the “reader I married him” line and two girls GASPED in wonder and delight. It was the CUTEST
—I passed two 7th graders in the hallway and they were talking about chicken nuggets and I said “I LOVE chicken nuggets” and they started to laugh and as I left I heard one of them say ‘I love Miss K.’
#I would also add that when I taught my 8th graders the word evocative one of them raised their hand and was like ‘hey is that what happens#to the food critic in ratatouille’#and I was so delighted that then we watched that scene for 10 minutes#but my anxiety won’t leave me alone about that choice#lol#so#teaching tag#anyway just recording. also faith if you’re reading this this is why your ask last night made me cry and was perfect timing#😭😭😭😭😭😭#anyway the chicken nuggets moment made me spiral a little bit because I was like ‘what if that’s the only reason anyone likes me’#‘and I’m not actually a good teacher’#also also. the Macbeth student has been going through a brutal time lately and I think this is part of turning a corner#so that makes me so happy#anyways sorry this is ALL the details but just trying to get it all out
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RexWalker Week 2023 - Day 7: Rain / A Crying Kiss Illustrated for the fic "Nightmare for Others, Dream for the Self" by @battlekilt
Was unfortunately extremely busy the last few weeks and didn't think I would be able to manage anything for RexWalker Week; but I just had to illustrate something for my friend's fic because their writing for the week is bloody brilliant, and the Batakin AU is so very special.
So here it is, kind of encompassing a few prompts, but dominantly the Rain and Kiss, because these two deserve it and the writing is worth the world.
Enjoy!
@rexwalker-week
#Rain#A Crying Kiss#mostly proud of the translucent portions of Anakin's wings#they make me very happy#both the pose and them#love for friendo's ships#and so much more love for friendo's writing#the best#can't change my mind#also it was so much fun to speculate on Anakin's outfit#just thinking through how it would all work#I am very tired but quite happy#rexwalkerweek23#anakin skywalker#clone captain rex#rexwalker#anakin x rex#fanart#my art#fanfic#others wonderful writing#star wars#clone wars#batakin au#battlekilt
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interesting to me how when i turned 19 i was kinda terrified bc i was like “oh shit this is my last year as a teenager….. i won’t be a teenager after that… i wanted to be a teenager for all of my childhood and now that part’s almost Over. aaaaugh” and now approx. 9 months later i cannot fucking WAIT to stop being a teenager oh my god i am ready to move on. 20s please i would like to be in them. i am done being 19 thank you !!!
#marzi speaks#it’s . probably bc of the vasculitis thing#which like. while it is a traumatic thing that i need to work through and plan on going to therapy about#it also put a LOT of things into perspective for me#and like actually i do not think i am afraid of growing up anymore !#i mean i still have like. the imposter syndrome and the fear of getting overwhelmed and falling behind#that’s not gonna go away overnight that’s been there for as long as i can remember#BUT!! i know deep down that i can figure it out now.#bc i figured out a lot. i figured out how to gauge my physical well being#i figured out how to be someone who can regularly make phone calls without crying#i figured out pharmacies. and i’m figuring out how insurance works#and appointments and withdrawing from school and reapplying to school#and all of the lifestyle changes that come with having an autoimmune disease#i’m learning self advocacy. i’m learning how to respond when people treat me poorly (always accidentally so far)#yeah getting my license has been hard and slow just bc i have all the anxiety shit about it. but i AM putting that effort in#i dunno it’s just. adult responsibilities are horrifying and the prospect of existing independently in our current society#is horrifying. and i think i’ll always be scared.#but i used to think i might not be able to handle it. that i would fall apart#i know now that i won’t. i will find a way to move forward and be happy. because that’s what i’ve always done#if i can take the scariest couple of months in stride the way that i have. then i think i can handle it#anyways. 19 was eventful enough can i be 20 now. i think being 20 would be good for me#still a Weird thing to think about. two whole decades. but like i can do it methinks
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being so honest I don’t understand how people can expect you to be doing things constantly every single day. I’m supposed to be on summer break but my university expects me to send in 80 sources for my senior thesis by next week
the very thought of doing school work right now makes me want to cry. I can’t even open a blank document and start writing for my own fics. I can’t even engage in my own hobby right now because I’m so mentally exhausted. how can you expect me to do thesis work? I’ve hardly had a break since finals
my personal life has been an ongoing shitshow since last summer. and has only gotten worse in recent months. how can you expect someone to function in society when you throw one thing after another at them?
I’m so tired and done. but I have no choice other than pushing through it because that’s what’s expected of me! that’s exhausting
#delete later#sorry I’m really frustrated rn#and screaming into the void is a better solution than keeping it bottled up#I really want to disappear rn#I’m not finding enjoyment from the things I love any more#I physically can’t bring myself to write#I’ve been stuck in this survival state since winter#everything feels so bad and overwhelming#I think I need a break or something#I don’t know#I don’t know what’ll help anymore#I don’t know what’ll make me feel better#I just want to cry#all the time#I miss writing. I miss being proud of what I wrote#I miss when I would be able to post something and I was happy with it#when I didn’t feel like I had to rewrite it over and over#I miss feeling like myself#lately I’ve just… felt like a stranger in my own body#going through the motions of life#and y’know what fuck I miss feeling like I was cared for#and loved#but I’m Me so yknow. I don’t get that#maybe I should take a nap
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Watched Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind a few nights ago and I loved it so much. Obsessed with all the metaphors and the symbolism. When Kushana said she wanted to destroy the toxic jungle in order for humans to rule the world again, but we know or can guess that humans trying to gain too much power is probably the exact reason why the toxic jungle is so dangerous. And then we learn that the jungle itself isn't toxic, it's just the soil and water that has been poisoned by human activity!! And the fact that the forest actually purifies the water! And of course Nausicaä discovers this by going into the jungle and learning about it. She's a hero because she studies ecology.
I also loved the theme of the danger of violence, and also Nausicaä trying so hard to stay as pacifist as is feasible even when violence is so tempting. During the battle in the castle in the Valley of the Wind when Tolmekian soldiers are invading, Nausicaä fights them off but she's blocked by Yupa and her sword goes through his arm. My friend was like "surely if he's a master swordsman he knows not to block with his arm?" but I was like "No it shows the damage of violence and how war hurts everyone!!" Another moment that seemed really key to me was when the Tolmekian airship was getting attacked and Nausicaä goes to steal a gunship. Kushana sees her and smiles because she thinks Nausicaä is going to use this ship for battle, that she's been seduced by violence, but then Nausicaä uses that ship to save Kushana! She transforms this weapon into a vehicle of peace, when using it for violence would be so easy, she chooses a different path and that scares Kushana more than anything, which is why she tries to take back control using her gun in the toxic jungle, even though Nausicaä knows that this is only going to cause more suffering. Of course there's the ending where she stops the stampeding Ohm not by force but by empathy, taking the pain of the baby Ohm onto herself when she goes into the acid lake trying to save it, and her dress is stained from it's blood, symbolically allowing its suffering to change her so she can understand it, bringing peace by sacrificing herself, not the Ohm (honestly you could read Nausicaä as a sort of Christ-figure but that's a whole other post). For me, a big thing that really resonated with me and drove in the idea of choosing peace over violence even when it's really hard was every time that Nausicaä cried. Every time she cried I felt like I understood the frustration and feelings of powerlessness so vividly. When she tells Yupa she's going to cut off the water to her underground plants so that they die, just like how the jungle is going to die, because the Tolmekians are stronger and forcing them to go along with the plan, and I could *feel* the anger that everything she'd worked so hard for would be destroyed because she wasn't powerful enough to stop it. And this feeling of helplessness is so similar to when she tried to hide a baby Ohm but it was killed by her own people and her own father. And when she learned of Pejite's plan to use the Ohm to destroy the valley of the wind and she just cant convince these people not to murder her valley. And when she sees the baby Ohm and how much it's been injured and she says something like "I'm so sorry for what we did to you" whilst crying... I felt that so much. And all the time it's because she realises the value in all life, and she can't convince people who see life as worthless compared to their greed, but because she knows life is so valuable she can't respond with violence, but her path of always valuing life works in the end! She doesn't need any weapons when she has compassion and ecology.
#nausicaä of the valley of the wind#studio Ghibli#I'm going to reread the manga my sister has it. This was always her favourite Ghibli film she has such good taste#I think the fact that I can remember all the times Nausicaä cries in the film despite having watched it like a week ago shows how impactful#it was. Usually when I'm watching anime I get annoyed at protagonists who cry too much or do stupid things but I didn't feel like that in t#least when watching this. Everything Nausicaä does comes from this compassion and frustration at others for not feeling the same that is so#relatable? Or understandable or just something that really resonates. To anyone who cares about nature or who has been a child and felt#frustrated at adults for not caring enough. Anyway Nausicaä makes me happy about all the times I've saved insects#like this one time I had to beg my aunt to let me save a wasp that was drowning. I'm not quite saving a whole valley and a forest from#destruction but I think Nausicaä would be proud.#Anyway I'm going to bed night night
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