#Abuse Survivor

[larkspur-collective]

Another update-

we've found a ride out, but it won't be for another week or so. in the meantime, we still are trying to earn money to have enough for what we'll need upon leaving. Our dad still hasn't paid us and doesn't seem to have intentions of doing so any time soon.

On top of that- just this morning we got a whole new wave of threats of harm from that aunt and uncle, so that's nice /sarc

We wanna get out of here so bad.

Goal progress: $325/600

Please, please help if you can.

I did not want to do this, but... we really need a miracle.

We really need help relocating to WA!

Details are under the cut. This post mentions abuse, briefly touches on alcoholism, and discusses extreme poverty and unsanitary conditions. The short version is we need enough money for a plane ticket to Washington State, and fast.

We need help with our $300 plane ticket, some for food until we sort out foodstamps, & at least $100 to keep our phone on until we can find work.

We've been locked out of our GoFundMe account, and to be truthful I don't see one being very effective, so- our cashapp is $LarkspurWoods & our paypal is @KaiThePotatoChip [long story, don't ask lol]

Anything helps!

Goal progress: $0/600

Our Story

We are currently stuck off-grid in Missouri without a way out.

We moved out here to meet & stay with our dad, who is terminally ill, after being kicked out of our mom's in September. Turns out he's got next to nothing, we're all cramped in a single, disgusting RV [4 of us, not counting our aunt and uncle], and we've lost more than we've gained since being out here.

We were promised before our arrival that we would be able to earn an income out here, & have been unable to aside from just enough to pay our phone bill.

This inability to work has been due largely to all the vehicles our dad's family owns having broken down shortly after our arrival, as well as not having [& not being taught!] many useful skills for this lifestyle.

We don't have reliable internet or a way to seek remote work, either.

We haven't been able to do even basic things like take care of personal hygiene out here. We feel absolutely disgusting. We hate living this way.

We were supposed to get food stamps & our wisdom teeth out, but we can't...

Our father owes us money for the several weeks we have spent splitting wood for him, & has failed to deliver.

There is usually barely enough to eat, as well.

On top of all this, his sister and her husband are ignorant, bigoted, criminally violent alcoholics. They have near-daily instigated arguing and fighting since they arrived a day after we did.

Occasionally there are "good days." On one such day, November 25th, we ended up accidentally having an [attempted civil] discussion about intersex people and advanced biology in which we tried to inform them their worldview was outdated, got shut down, and then mentioned how we felt disrespected- they ended up heated and we walked away from them. they followed us, assaulted us, and their dog bit us 3 times on our ass, left arm, & face.

In addition, we have received multiple thinly veiled death threats when they're upset.

We called the sheriff, and they did nothing.

When our aunt and uncle are sober, they're not as volatile, although still incredibly emotionally abusive, prone to gaslighting, and manipulative.

We do not feel safe here, especially not as they have made it clear they have no intention of leaving anytime soon.

We have several friends and family members in the Oregon-Washington area, as well as a long-distance partner whom we've been dying to see for over a year. Our father promised to assist us with funding a trip to see them and, again, has failed to deliver.

We have been given explicit permission by several people, including our partner's family, that we have a place to stay out there, but we can't afford the plane ticket. after almost 2 months of working, we have only $50 to show for it.

We want desperately to see our partner for the holiday season and to escape our unsafe environment, and it feels like the entire world is against us right now.

We've spent weeks monitoring plane ticket prices, and the lowest is about ~$300 right now counting baggage fees.

We don't even have food money, let alone cash to get any gift for our s/o...

We've talked with a family member & they've offered to help us with getting a job as much as they can, but it's remote, and again we're off grid and don't always have gas to power the generator.

I am BEGGING anyone who has taken the time to read this to help us in some fashion.

We need help with our $300 plane ticket, some for food until we sort out foodstamps, & at least $100 to keep our phone on til we can work.

We can't promise much due to our shitty circumstances, but anything that we can do to assist or return the help we will do- we dabble with art, graphic design, music production, & video editing if people need help. We edit picrews and like making phone wallpapers as well. Just ask, and we'll try our best to do it.

This society has failed us severely. We want to make something more of ourself- we just really need some help.

Thank you to any and all for reading this, and we thank you even more if you decide to help.

[witchyykitten]

everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent

but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should

[the-bar-sinister]

repeatedly sobbing "do what you want forever" as I desperately try to convince myself that it's okay to make small decisions about the short term direction of my life without concern for the opinions of other people.

[girl-in-the-thunderbolt-suit]

Baby reindeer was brutal, triggering, uncomfortable, honest and beautiful. One of the best portrayals of someone with sexual trauma I've ever seen on TV.

[lostmf]

[neuroticboyfriend]

As an adult still living with their abusive parent, I often find that affirmations meant to empower me are unhelpful at best. They often feel like they're overstating the amount of agency I have as an adult; I've spent my entire life being abused. It's all I know and I have a lifetime of conditioning and nervous system damage to show for it.

All that doesn't just go away now that I'm older than 18, and neither do the material circumstances that keep me here. Even though I have more legal rights and have grown since I was younger, I am still not in control by the very nature of being the victim in an abusive relationship. So, for those who relate, here are some affirmations that might hit different:

My abuser does not have my best interests in mind, even if they think they do.

I am my own person; my mind and body belong to me.

My feelings are justified, and I deserve to feel and express them.

I am doing what I need to survive, and that is all I need to do.

I am doing my best given the knowledge, resources, and support I have.

I am the only person who can decide what is best for me.

My situation is unfair and wrong. I deserve to be happy and safe.

I do not have to engage in toxic positivity; that will only hurt me.

As long as I am alive, there is something good in this life for me - no matter how small.

I have inherent rights just because I exist.

I shouldn't have to deal with this on my own; I deserve support and protection.

Everything I need is something I deserve. Everything I deserve is something I need.

If any of these don't resonate, feel free to discard them. Everyone finds comfort and empowerment differently.

[01298283]

[aintnopartylikeaprideparty]

as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."

and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.

does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?

Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,

you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.

you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.

[sparrow-the-tired-lesbian]

here’s a friendly reminder for survivors of any sort of abuse that

It wasnt your fault

You are strong

You didnt ask for it

No one gets to invalidate your experience

If someone invalidates your experience, you get to dump their ass

[ed-recoverry]

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser(s) were never punished.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is living a normal life.

Shoutout to everyone whose allegations were immediately dismissed.

Shoutout to everyone reported their abuser to the police and nothing happened.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser was able to get out of significant legal punishment.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is generally seen as a good person.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is a “pillar of the community.”

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has lied about you.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has framed them.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser threatened them into silence.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser discouraged them from reporting.

Shoutout to everyone who lost friends after reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who lost family after reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who received backlash for reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has created a rift in their family or friends by reporting or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who is terrified to tell anyone about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who never had the opportunity to talk about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who feels like talking about their abuser is worthless.

Shoutout to everyone whose case was dismissed by the court.

Shoutout to everyone who faced backlash after their abuser was put in jail.

Shoutout to everyone who faced backlash for testifying against their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who still has yet to be believed that they were abused.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their abuser will never be punished.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their abuser will never face backlash.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their story will be dismissed by loved ones.

Shoutout to everyone who spoke out about their abuser, but wasn’t believed until something happened to someone else.

Shoutout to everyone who spoke out about their abuser and wasn’t believed until they seriously harmed you.

Shoutout to everyone who has been mocked for trying to speak out about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has faced social repercussions for speaking out or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has suffered financially for speaking out or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has admitted guilt, but never faced justice.

Shoutout to everyone who knows they were abused and are punished for it.

[tklshtxler]

[vacant2007]

[ontheoutside-lookingin]

“She’s so sweet she’s always going out of her way to help others” quick someone give that girl all the love and safe space she deserves before being “sweet” (pathological people pleasing as a trauma response) destroys her and leaves behind a bitter empty shell of a person

[nmolesofadrenaline]

[paraily2]

I always felt alienated as someone who has childhood sexual trauma but wasn’t hurt by a pedophile. I didn’t know where I fit.

Was I hurt by an adult? Yes. 

But they didn’t do it out of lust or attraction. I felt the need to justify my trauma by somehow convincing myself that maybe they were attracted to me–even though they weren’t.

Quite frankly, I didn’t believe I had sexual trauma until I was able to truly comprehend that MAPs and child molesters are two very different things. I clung onto the idea so much of the “inherently evil pedophile who sought out to get me” because it felt like the only way to validate my trauma.

I realize that is no longer the case, and understanding that my abuser(s) weren’t MAPs has been healing for me. I’ve been able to look at my trauma objectively rather than making it easily digestible for myself and others.

I know there are so many others like me—those who also suppress their childhood sexual trauma because their abuser doesn’t fit the “scary pedophile who likes kids” mold.

I see you all. Your sexual trauma deserves to be acknowledged.

Learning that most sexual abuse doesn’t stem from attraction but instead power is a valuable thing for everyone to learn. And I can only hope that knowledge becomes more widespread.

[neuroticboyfriend]

a lot of the time, abusers are just regular people. abuse is something we're all capable of - it's a pattern of harmful behavior in which there's power imbalance. we all hold various privileges, connections, and knowledge that can be turned into the power to abuse others. we can all exert our will, thoughts, feelings, etc. onto others in a way that hurts them and takes power away from them.

abusive people have done something horrible and inexcusable, yet they aren't... inherently special. they're people, capable of choosing between right and wrong, capable of change, just as much as others are. i say this in part because i think a lot of people have this lofty idea of abusers that leads them to think they couldn't possibly be a victim of abuse. but abuse can be incredibly mundane - and this also means we all have to watch out for abusive behaviors in ourselves.

abuse isn't just something Obviously Bad People (TM) are capable of... and abuse isn't caused by mental illness, substance use/addiction, gender, etc. etc., even if these things impact what happens. idk. there's no real end point to this post. i just wish people didn't mystify abuse, and realized how (deeply unfortunately) normal and subtle it can be... and often is.