#ANYWAYS IVE POSTED SOMETHING IN TUMBLR

[level599]

guess who's into batwheels, me

[stefisdoingthings]

silence

also this is from Wolfwood's POV (in case it isn't clear) i have 0 normal thoughts (every song ever is VW)

[huellitaa]

why people don't like you ₊˚⊹ 💬🎀

okay this is not as harsh as the title suggests but i wanted to put it literally bcuz this is a problem i've struggled with for the longest time. im gonna be brutally honest here. there are so many reasons why ur not of the social status you want to be or don't have as many friends as you like yadda yadda yadda. SO ,, here's my thoughts on why that's the case , and how to help! 🫶🏻🎀💬

──★ ˙ ̟🎀you're fake

whether its cuz ur trying to "fit in" or because you have a completely different personality stored in the back for everyone you meet, ur fake. its very simple. its not necessarily a bad thing, it just means ur insecure.

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

stop trying so hard girl. it's not that deep. there are 8 billion people on this earth and counting, u really think this person's gonna matter when ur living ur dreams and thriving even more than you ever imagined you could? no. move on. next please!

find out who the fuck you genuinely are. you're never gonna live your life if YOU aren't the one living it. once you get a start on finding who YOU are it's gonna make you more authentic -> more magnetic -> more attractive in every single way, including social.

u arent obligated to fit in. think about the type of people that you see in the street and you stare a while at, the type of people who stand out from a crowd for whatever reason, the people u look up to, ur idols who you could never imagine to meet in a thousand years; do you think they fit in? do you think merging with a crowd is what made them appeal to you so much? no. think abt that.

wake the fuck up and realise u deserve better. why are you neglecting yourself by hiding yourself from the world? would u do that to anyone else? would u get anyone else to change themselves just so they can fit in? girl get a hold of urself!!! you've been through so much and youve made it so far and yet you're still pretending to be someone you aren't?? you deserve SO much better. people who truly deserve you will always love you for you, no one else.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur too awkward / anxious

i want to preface this by saying theres nothing wrong w this at all and i completely understand but ur gonna face some problems of people interacting with you. or you interacting w them. or both. i was diagnosed w generalised anxiety disorder when i was 11, so i understand how much this can impact ur life not just socially but in all areas.

⭐𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

first thing im gonna mention to preface is this can be a symptom of an underlying condition u may need to get checked out. if its impacting ur everyday life please seek therapy, i am not a professional and cannot help u w this, even if i'd like to. i love u ♡

find what is making u anxious. what about social interaction is scary to you, and why? why does interacting w others make u nervous? is there a specific thing ur worried about or u find nervewracking? always. find. the root!

have compassion and empathy and patience w yourself. its perfectly okay and normal to some extent to feel like this and of course we're all gonna feel like this sometimes but its important to treat urself with care, especially in these times.

treat urself as u would a child. i recommend treating urself like a friend a lot but when ur in a delicate and emotional state like this its better to treat urself like ur ur own child. take care of urself with the same love and attentiveness as you would your own children and give yourself time and take care of yourself to work through the issue. ♡

break things down and take it slow and simple. break it into steps and PUT. YOURSELF. FIRST until u feel able to go back out into the public again and be That Girl ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur straight up mean

this can be anywhere from just being generally disinterested in people, being constantly negative all of the time to being just really shitty and rude. we all have the same potentials and possibilities but sometimes we can fall into the trap of negative patterns when interacting with others, which is okay. everyone messes up sometimes. but the important thing is is that we fall back out of that and become even better for it!

💬𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

try ur best to put ur ego aside and think about yourself from an outside perspective. would you wanna be friends with you? if you were another person, how would you think people feel around you?

(🗒🎀 note: if that's too difficult, create someone in ur head or mentally assign ur traits, the good and bad, to someone you dont really know, and think ab how youd feel around them. insecure? jealous? confident? excited? nervous? think about it.)

i know it sounds weird but literally just sit down and talk to people close to u when you get the chance or the opportunity comes up and ask if anything you do comes off rude or blunt or abrupt or any sort of negative trait you think might be the issue here. or just subtly (or directly, either one works) try and find out their opinions on you so u can figure out if that aligns w what and how u wanna be, and then how you can change that.

just be generally more sweet and polite. people are easily gonna like you more if ur not a total dick. stop being mean to people, say please and thank you, compliment strangers, smile at everyone, put ur ego aside cuz its really not that deep girl.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur too nice / people pleaser

okay being nice is not a bad thing. there is a fine line between being THE nice girl and being A nice girl. there is a fine line between being kind and being a pushover. you don't have to sacrifice urself to be nice to people. being nice should go both ways!

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

first things first, like all things and like i've said a billion times before, you need to address the root of what is causing you to act like this. this should always be the first thing you do when addressing any problem, esp w urself. why are you acting like this? what is causing you to endlessly seek approval like this and sacrifice urself in the process? think.

start saying no to people, even to the littlest things. if you want to do it then sure, but start saying no so much more often. it gives you a sense of control and shows you only you have a choice in the things you do in ur life, no one else.

define kindness. is what ur getting in return to this unconditional self sacrifice genuine kindness, or friendship, or respect, or attention, or whatever else you assume you're receiving from all of this? only you can answer that. ask urself what the genuine meaning of all the things ur trying to gain from this are and then see if that aligns w what ur receiving. (🗒🎀 note: also read this post of mine for more on this! ♡)

again, therapy is gonna help a lot w this. if this is making an impact on ur life, social or otherwise, then i am not a professional and cannot help u w this (as much as id like to). ily and i believe in u ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 you seem "unapproachable / intimidating"

people are threatened by talent. people are threatened by beauty. people are threatened by what they aren't. so, congrats! you've achieved your goal! 🩷💭

🫶🏻𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

i told my therapist once that people have told me i seem rude, unapproachable, intimidating, etc. and i felt really upset about it because i dont wanna come off that way. i wanna be nice and approachable and someone people can talk to. and she asked me what i would do if my favourite celebrity or famous person or whatever was my age and was walking through my school. i told her i'd think they were really cool and want to be friends with them, but wouldn't be sure how to go about it bcuz they'd be super intimidating. think about that.

🗒️🎀 note: but if you do find that people say this or act like this around you a lot, then you might need to do some introspection and ask urself if anything ur doing makes people feel like that rather than their own insecurities and mindset. ♡

i just want to quickly add that not everybody is going to like you. everyone feels a general sense of dislike from time to time and this post is what i mean by that, NOT how to make everyone like you bcuz that's literally impossible and something you shouldn't waste ur time and energy on. as harsh as i may have been in this post ur amazing and i love u no matter how much improvement you have to do ♡ i love you and am proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too!

all my love... 💬🎀🫶🏻💗

[theelmoarchive]

Tumblr pls let my post im on my knees begging please im just a little boy

My style's evolving a little bit, since I found a total of ONE new brush that I liked, so natually this happened. Narrinder brush on procreate will always be my beloved tho

[baalzebufo]

THE WEIRD AL-CANA - THE MAJOR ARCANA, INSPIRED BY WEIRD AL YANKOVIC SONGS

---

ho-ly shit, this actually got finished. this was so much work for something that is so incredibly niche, but im so happy with it. this was SO MUCH FUN to come up with, to think of songs for each card, to slip in silly references and make my little border designs... thank you so much everyone else who has been enjoying these posts!

tumblr wouldnt let me upload the full-size stitched canvas so I had to shrink it a little, so if you want to see all the individual cards at their full size PLEASE look at the individual posts on my blog HERE! this was the first time I ever got the tumblr warning that a photo was just too big, haha.

this post also goes out to everyone on the weird al side of tumblr- yankoblr, y'all have brought me so much joy in such a small amount of time with your posts and memes, even though i just got here and started randomly posting one day. i went from being very self-conscious about what i considered an 'embarrassing' interest to wholeheartedly goofing and it feels great. keep being silly no matter what guys

stay weird, y'all :)

[mispelled]

Humansona for Silvi, Fischer's Turaco. Design explanations under the cut

Goodnight sweet prince

[leviiackrman]

MEET THE ARTIST: 2024 EDITION

Ask and ye shall recieve! As requested, I've redrawn myself to be more like the current version of myself, and ngl I think it's pretty accurate. I decided to be more fun with it tho and turn it into an intro sheet, so I hope you like it!

more art || about me || commissions

Tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @kanos @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @minaharkers @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @nokstella @queennymeria @heroofpenamstan @tethrras @jamessunderlandgf @d-esmond @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe @fenharel @imogenkol

[elusiiev]

OMORITOBER DAY 14: LIBRARY

i like to imagine spirit mari tossing down her favorite memories for omori to read while peeking around to see omori's reaction :3

i was thinkin of drawing her too, but honestly i wasnt very sure what pose to do and i was a bit tired !!

thanks to @/ntrogensolar for the omoritober prompt list!

extra rant in the tags ab why this isnt a full piece!

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

and happy pride to these assholes. it's still june so i can technially still make that joke right

[lacunazai]

I'm super sorry I haven't been posting or uploading any writing / drabbles / paragraphs recently. I'm genuinely super disappointed in myself with the lack of productivity and I'm really gonna start kicking my own ass soon to try and get something out. i hope you can forgive me.

since school started up again, lack of interactions and other real life problems I've been having have started to hit me harder I've been spending a lot less time on tumblr. in dms too, to be honest. especially since I've been considering deactivating and calling it quits completely. I don't like my writing anymore, it just doesn't ever feel good enough. I say, I never have.

I'll try and get something out in the next few weeks. a full fic. just as an apology for my absence and lack of anything. I'm sorry.

[impostorsshow]

I'm actually so obsessed with him it's not even funny if i'm not listening to a TikTok or music directly related to him I can't focus free me free me

This is @/cherubpuppet's OC for a object show [au? pitch? wip show? How do I categorize this] and I've been destroyed by the fact that ruler art is infinitely superior [and 10x longer] and i don't have a good enough grasp on lip gloss's personality to make fanfiction so I am frozen in "want make fanart but fanart takes effort :["

[asher-more-like-trasher]

Kremy doodle dump

[teruthecreator]

(tw for racism, pedophilia, transphobia, child impregnation mention)

yeah idk why y'all read this

i was originally going to just post this and have some tags with my reasonings, but i realized that opens me up to too much bullshit from people who may think i'm being unnecessarily mean or whatever. so i'm going to explain exactly why the screenshots above are something i hold issue with.

firstly, and i just want to get this out of the way, this post is not intended to be a hit piece against the creator. i've seen how she reacts to any mild-mannered or slightly joking criticism, so i know this post is probably going to not land well. but it isn't my intention to make her mad or anything--she's writing a piece of content for the internet, which means she is just as open to criticism as any other poster. and what i intend to go into in this post is criticism. i'm allowed to do this, as that is the nature of the internet. people are allowed to critique whatever they please, and if you don't want critique then you shouldn't post. simple as!

i am also making no attempts to posit myself as better than the creator. i'm not doing this for clout or moral superiority or any of that dumb shit. i simply want to discuss something that's been bothering me for a bit, while simultaneously warning people who haven't read this yet (who may be sensitive to the issues above) to steer clear. if things like casual racism or transphobia aren't properly tagged, then readers who are affected by such things run a risk reading this! same goes with people who are triggered by lewd content involving minors. i wanna make sure people are getting a more critical scope of this work than what has been hoisted up by others.

okay, now that i've gotten that out of the way, i'm going to get into my points.

firstly, the subtle and not-so-subtle racism throughout this fic, especially in relation to serizawa. i'm white, so there is only so much i can speak on without trampling over the words of other fans of color, but some of this feels so blatant it's odd it hasn't been noted earlier. it's important to note before i go into it that serizawa is specifically written as half-black half-japanese for this fic, in case the screenshots don't make it abundantly clear. but there are just too many moments of casual racism in this fic. i'm not talking about the plot point of serizawa being bullied as a kid for being mixed; i'm not mixed, so i can't speak on the accuracy there but it is well-known that black people face a lot of racism in japan. i'm talking about how it seems everyone else has these racist moments that aren't acknowledged by serizawa or the narration as being bad.

reigen hypothesizing over serizawa's exact ethnic background is just strange. yes he's a fairly observant guy (he has to be, with his job), but there is no canonical evidence to suggest he would immediately jump to theorizing whether serizawa is american or not. and the way it's posed in that first quote--"he has darker skin and the kind of hair texture that would likely indicate African ancestry"--is not great. that's an extremely inappropriate way to bring up someone's race. i don't think most people would stare at someone and be like "hmmm well your nose shape and hair texture would suggest you're of this race". it's racial essentialization that is only slightly covered up by the excuse of "oh he tweets in english". there are some other smaller moments of questionable wording, like calling serizawa's afro "sloppy" when it isnt (which btw there's another issue with the creator only referring to an afro as a "fro". it's a hairstyle; you're allowed to use the actual name of it). even if reigen cuts his hair in canon, he never states it's because serizawa's afro looks sloppy. (also there's something to be said about the casual racism baked into making your employee cut his natural hairstyle for a job, as that is a very real issue many black people face when wearing their natural hair or even protective styles in the workplace.)

i'm especially bothered by toichiro's very casual racist remarks. toichiro in this fic is a general bother of mine (most of which can be boiled down to "he would not fucking say that"), but the way she chooses to characterize him in relation to serizawa feels gross. calling a black man a slave should be a very obvious red flag, but also saying serizawa (again, as a black man) has a "brutal masculine appeal" is also extremely stereotypical and racist. and really there is just no need for it; toichiro's actions in canon prove how shitty of a guy he is without the need for him to be racist (along with other things i'll get to in a bit). as my girlfriend put it: he doesn't need to be a member of the fucking kkk to show he's a bad guy.

there's also, again, the very casual racist remark of calling serizawa a "dog". i don't care if that isn't the intent; when you are writing a character of color you need to be aware of your wording, even in insults (unless she intended to make tsuchiya racist, which i don't think she did).

secondly, the eugenics/child pregnancy bit. it is surreal to even have to write this, but i seriously do not understand the purpose of either of these bits in the story. they are so minor yet so jarring you can't help but wonder why they're there. once again, i do not think you need to have toichiro doing esper eugenics just to prove he is an evil guy. he has nuance, and by making him casually reference child pregnancy (like that isn't an INSANE thing to say) reduces that nuance to nothing. that's the only reason i could see why that bit was included: to make toichiro look worse. but, even still, the author is running the risk of potentially triggering victims of csa or people who don't want to see that by not properly tagging the mention of it (or, at the very least, warning readers in the intro notes). the only other explanation for it would maybe be shock factor??? but that's a pretty shitty thing to use for shock factor, if i'm honest. also the fact that the esper eugenics was referenced again in a more recent chapter just has me very disturbed and confused. there isn't a canonical explanation for why we see less espers who are women than espers who are men, but that doesn't mean we need to jump to fucking Eugenics. it's weird!

thirdly (and this is probably one of my biggest problems and the main reason i wanted to make this post), the weirdly lewd/sexual language shou uses constantly, along with referring to reigen as a pedo or a creep at several points. frankly, i think it's pretty fucking gross for someone in their near-40's to be writing a 12-year-old talking so casually about sex like that's normal. which, i'm sorry, but it's not. yes, teens know about sex and like to joke about lewd shit. but a 12-year-old is not about to make references to a grown man's virginity. 12-year-olds draw dicks on their desk bc they think it's funny. 12-year-olds say the word "buttfuck" because it has the words "butt" and "fuck" in it, and those are the two funniest words on earth to a kid that age. i literally do not understand the purpose of having shou be so lewd all the time. for one, it doesn't make sense for his character. shou is shown time and time again to be extremely mature for his age, but that maturity extends to shit like assembling a counter-terrorism unit and extending a hand to his father to allow him to try again. and even then he's still just as naive as any other kid his age! the omake where he's telling his guys to go to the "far right corner" based on ritsu’s advice proves that he still has plenty of blindspots that are indicative of his age. leaning into this raunchy, lewd version of shou is just weird. and, again, i think it is made a bit weirder given the author's age!!! not ageshaming or whatever--i'm 23 and i write fanfic, clearly i cannot judge there--but it is just extremely inappropriate in my opinion. also having shou be more versed in sextalk than serizawa is odd too and speaks to a larger issue of serizawa's infantilzation throughout this fic, but that's something i can get into in another post if people want an explanation.

also, the way she constantly calls reigen a creep and even has him being accused of being a pedophile during the twitter cancellation is extremely inappropriate when, again, there is NO CANONICAL BASIS FOR THIS! everyone just calls him a fraud and a scammer during separation arc; there is never a reference to reigen being seen as a pedophile in that arc. and, yes, while there are versions of mob psycho where reigen is very clearly written as a creep (looking very specifically at the netflix adaptation), that doesn't mean it's good. honestly, the creep mentions all just feel like really poor jokes that do not land in the slightest.

finally, the transphobia (aka WHY IS SHIMAZAKI A CHASER). i literally do not know what else to say other than: why? why is this a thing? why is he a chaser? what is the purpose of this? is it a joke? i feel like it's supposed to be, but seeing as the author is cis i don't think that's a joke she should really be making. it not only comes out of left field, but it's just kind of a weird thing to ascribe to a character for no reason. not to mention, it's uncomfortable! trans women deal with enough creepy antics from cis men in real life--why must they be accosted by this guy too? it's just weird and uncomfortable.

i wanna round out this post by saying, once again, that i'm not trying to attack anyone with this post. but i do hope people come away from this with a new perspective on this work, and maybe think twice before recommending it uncritically to someone. to the author specifically, i hope you can read my post without rage or indignance blinding you. i might be a little blunt or rude in parts, but it's only because i'm passionate and i don't mince my words when it comes to things i'm passionate about. to the readers, understand i am not judging you for reading this fic without noticing these things. your own life experiences will give you certain blindspots and there's nothing wrong with that. i have plenty of blindspots of my own! it's what makes us human.

there is more i could say, but this post is long enough. i ask that if you come to me in my inbox or in dms about this that you treat me with respect, as i will do that for you. writing something like this took a lot out of me, as i'm usually not so open about my opinion on shit like this.

have a good day :-)

[shadowblade8192]

well let it be on record that i was asked for this (insert image for ask that was send cause it got deleted somehow. the original asker has said they didnt do that so it was probably on tumblrs end. in the reblogs there will be a screenshot of the original ask)

so, most of this is gonna be out of chronological order because i cant remember the order i got a lot of these in, though i do remember the first two physicals. first one i got was pc steam version. most playtime in this one due to getting it first and still going back to it cause multiplayer is easy, and also free unlike consoles) gifted it to quite a lot of my steam friends.

then my grandad introduced me to gog (and gave me fallout 3 and nv) and i got the gog version of terraria (identical to steam except its drm free and doesnt contain any steamworks stuff like steam multiplayer (though you can direct ip connect) or steam achievements (there are ingame achievements) or steam cloud) we'll get back to this one later as i have more to say

so, onto the physical copies i will not be going in chronological order as i only remember the first two chronologically (also i will note i got the steam and gog versions before any physicals)

Nintendo Switch

so like 2 years ago now i got a switch for my birthday, first console ive ever owned (i was a pc girlie), whats the first game i get for it? Wrong! it was mario kart (thats why i wanted a switch). naturally when i got the switch it did not come with a game packed in so i ended up cycling a couple miles to go and buy mario kart. shortly after i got terraria cause hey i liked the game on pc itd be nice to play it on the go (my laptop was shit and also it stopped working properly shortly before i got my desktop pc the year before my switch). also the third game i got for it was breath of the wild which i thought was worth mentioning

Xbox 360

second one i ever got was the xbox 360. i found this while on holiday in a cex for £1.50 (same time i got botw for the switch, see i said it was worth mentioning), and thought itd be neat to start collecting terraria physical copies for all the consoles because well a £1.50 game is a good place to start. havent played it yet, only verified the disc works since i dont have an xbox 360. it was a couple months (and collected terraria copies) down the line before i decided "hey this collection is cool why dont i get the consoles to play them on and eventually 100% each of them" which lead me down buying broken consoles and repairing them which is how most consoles i own came into my possession. if theres anything notable about the repairs ill mention them alongside the game. you can clearly tell i have no plan on how this post is going im just rambling as i remember something anyways this is where things stop being chronological and im just gonna group similar consoles together, which leads us to

Xbox One

the xbox one version has two different box art variations. why do i have both despite only being able to use one at a time? because theres two of course! the later one (right) is what i got first before hunting for the second one i got (left) because the right one is more common in cex and the left more common on ebay for.... some reason i dont know. nothing much to note otherwise except 100%ing this one was a fucking pain in the arse i didnt actually do it until about 9 hours ago. id basically 100%ed it some months ago (the standard 115 ingame achievements as of 1.4.4.9), but of course the ps4 and xbox one versions dont just have the standard ingame achievements like steam has, nonono thats to easy. they have their own that are more relics from the old gen consoles (ps3/vita/xb360/wiiu), and are xbox live/psn achievements. most are unique but some are just ingame ones (but not all 115 for.... some reason). and now we get to the achievement i was never able to complete until today. pet collector. most of these were fine, easy, completed alongside the others. except pet collector. now it requires you to "get all the pets". this is thankfully untrue, it requires you to get all the pets that were in the game as of when that achievement was introduced. a few i could get easily by looking up "<pet name> seed xbox" and getting the ones from chests, the rest i just got naturally, except, the zephyr fish. random chance from fishing, if you have insane fishing power, the maximum possible in the game, it wont even hit 0.5% chance, and its lower with lower fishing power. thankful xbox one has rolling recording so i was able to quickly capture the moment that i caught it (i was checking the wiki to see if there was anything else i could do to get this fish easier, then returned to the game and caught it there and then): (there was a video here but im cutting it in the hopes that i can actually send the post. its on my blog somewhere). i had a much easier time with this achievement on ps4. speaking about playstation,

Playstation 3

ha you thought i was gonna talk about ps4 werent you, or not i dont know what youre thinking. anyways this one was another cheap one, i got the ps3 version [on the right] for about £2, checked the disc works, and i still dont have a ps3 so i havent played that yet. also found a japanese ps3 version for a couple quid that comes with inlays and all that. cant read a word but its cool to have

Playstation Vita

This was one of the more pricy versions, with it [the english version] being about £15, played on a modded vita that i bought. notable things about that vita, the rear touchpad came broken but it was just unplugged, also the previous owner didnt wipe it and their memory card was just, full of porn (no i wont share it i factory reset it all) japanese version i got from someone selling it from japan, cheaper than the english version which was pretty funny to me

Playstation 4

so. a lot here. first one i got was the (boxed) playstation hits version, which came with a... original print disc? someone somewhere has bought a ps4 original box with the playstation hits disc from a random cex in some city. maybe ill meet them some day. anyways, next i got the original print with original print disc, nothing really of note, then found out there was a newer print without playstation hits on it (this doesnt exist for xbox one i checked trust me), tracked one down and paid a surprisingly low price. it had the right disc. now the odd ones out of the ps4 lineup, the disc in the jewel case is a standalone playstation hits disc (which came as a disc i provided the case myself) because i wanted one since i got confirmation it existed after getting that middle box art variation with its own disc. now, unique thing here, its the usa version. the ps4 is region free with discs, so i could play it. but. different region versions are different applications with different save data and different achievements trackers. i have only played this one to test the disc works im not doing 102 hours all over again to 100% the american version (yeah it was about 102 hours i did on expert mode this time, plus two minutes that i went into a journey mode drunk world to get a kite since it wasnt windy at all on the main save). finally, the bonus collectors edition. this has the box ive shown in the image, plus in the plastic wrap its stealed in theres an original print of the box art in there too. inside the big box is the stickers, poster, and... drum roll please.... the terraria branded pickaxe 2gb usb-2.0 flash drive. its by itself on ebay for like £30 or more and i got this whole bundle for under £20. i do not want to break the seal just for a 2gb usb drive ill use once and never again (american one is cropped, wouldnt upload if it was separate and i cant retake the pic for reasons. i think theres an image limit? or limit for images on separate paragraphs?)

Wii U and 3DS

these were also on the more expensive side, £20 and £15 respectively. nothing much to note about the games themselves, except the wiiu version can be played with the wiiu gamepad or pro controller... and also the fuckign wii remote with nunchuck. this isnt on the wiki. if i knew how to edit the wiki page to add that control scheme in i would. discussion page on the wiki talking about it here and if anyone wants the full inputs so they can put it in PLEASE message me i just want it on the wiki. nothing much to note on the repairs for my wiiu, but the 3ds. well. lets start by the fact that i bought this during a college day when i didnt have a lecture, and one of my friends (coincidentally an ex) had their 3ds xl with them, so i asked if i could just check this game works and it did. played about 5 mins and didnt touch it again. then i bought a broken new 2ds xl off ebay. broken (i knew this) not fixable by me (i wasnt aware till i tried). big problem, it wouldnt boot and also the shoulder button switches broke off and my soldering iron is too big to fix that, and also it was homebrewed and i didnt have the original nand backup cause it wasnt mine. it rotted in my electronics drawer for about two and a half years (maybe three and a half). onto the new 3ds xl i got, the only problem with that was a nonfunctional sd card reader. hey wait a sec i have a 3ds sd card reader on an old broken 3ds (2ds xl) so i swapped those out and its worked fine since. homebrewed it and i have the nand backup for that. so this was early this year. now. lets go up to last month. ive just built a computer monitor using the lcd panel and top case from my old shit laptop, a controller board for the panel i got off aliexpress, a cardboard box to store the aforementioned controller board, the laptops charger (fit perfectly into the dc port on the controller board and also was the right voltage), and some speakers (theyre shit but they work), and thought "hey my electronics repair skills have improved, lets go back to that old new 2ds xl, i found a motherboard replacement. its also a special variant one i have so i could sell it if i wanted to make money". so i bought the motherboard (and a new volume slider cause i lost that little bit of plastic), put it all together, and it worked! it all booted up! and i was so caught up in the euphoria of all that i failed to notice that the top screen was cracked inside that i could only notice now that the rest of the console worked. back to aliexpress, new top screen arrived, some broken glass, a ripped ribbon cable (of the old top screen) and some superglue later and i have a perfectly functioning new 2ds xl. which i am not playing terraria on cause my new 3ds xl is better. but hey i can streetpass with myself now that was worth the £40 i spent on repairs

PC Collectors Edition

first one i got here was the one in the middle, backed up the bunny.exe that activates the collectors edition and then shelved it. that one and the second one i got (left) were both used and thus the steam keys were already used. the later one i got (right) is sealed (thats why i have two of the same box art). there are more i am trying to find, theres one box art variation where the orangey red info box is massive, and one where its not present at all (so yeah theres still more, theres also a japanese 3ds and wiiu version but theyre like £60 and £100 on ebay and im not spending that much on a videogame. im sure the fact im specifying videogame will not come up later) its good, if you can get a good deal on one and want the bunny pet id say its worth it, though since all the exe does is change 1 bit in the registry its easy enough to manually do it even if you dont have the physical collectors edition if you know what youre doing (and on linux and mac you have to do it manually as theres no linux/mac versions of the script) speaking of linux like i did in the brackets, theres a fun bug where mouse4 and mouse5 cant be assigned ingame and arent registered at all which sucks cause i used those to grapple and quick mount. naturally using the windows version via proton does fix this, but provides us with fun new bugs such as all key presses in text boxes are doubles so trying to type anything including world seeds eennddss uupp lliikkee tthhiiss and also steam overlay is just completely broken, though i did find a fna update script for the linux port that updates the engine allowing mouse4 and mouse5 to be used, i got it off github somewhere.

now thats all the game versions, lets move on to some other cool stuff. firstly (and no pic for this because the frame i got makes any pictures look complete pants but its sick as fuck in person) is the "heroes of terraria" poster from the terraria.shop site, also some pins from the same site which i keep on a cork board thing on my wall next to the transgender tardis dr who pin i got, plus a hoodie (the world of terraria one in green and gold) plus some tshirts (like 4 of them, one was a heroes of terraria on a tshirt). theyre cool but you know whats cooler?

Terraria Official Handbooks

if youre my age or a bit older (or a bit younger i dont know) you might remember those minecraft handbooks. well, around 2015 terraria got their own for version 1.3.0.8. these arent really wiki replacements, and i think theyre aware of that (hell they even link to the wiki, and being 2015 they link to the official gamepedia one (before fandom fucked it up) and the unofficial wikia one (which i think became fandom. fuck that website. use the wiki.gg wiki its the new official one)), theyre more "hey show this to someone to get them into the game like a parent or friend or other person". theyre pretty cool, i got the bundle of these for quite cheap in very good condition, i did give them all a read through and you can tell theyre 1.3.0 guides, theres a LOT thats changed. maybe after 1.4.5 relogic will commission more? id like that but then again we have a wiki thats very comprehensive so i doubt it and now one more thing what i would personally consider the pride of my collection the single item i am most proud to have yes, even more so than handbooks and sealed game copies let me show you:

Terraria OST Vinyl

this released in 2021 (and as a result only has the first four volumes, also unrelated to the time it doesnt have the otherworld ost, related to the time it means theres no deerclops and no aether, and no 11 or more tracks that are coming in 1.4.5 which will presumably become volume 5. will they do a reissue of the vinyl if that happens? my wallet hopes not) and is SO EXCEEDINGLY RARE i have only seen a handful of listings, going for £150/160. until i found one for about £100 so i didnt think i just clicked buy and id personally say it was worth it due to rarity and being also SEALED so i havent touched the seal on that (i also dont have a vinyl player and i ripped the .wav files from the game files (i also paid for the .mp3 files from steam) so i dont really need to use the vinyl), and i really wanna get it framed. honestly this is just the thing im most proud of having. anyways i said id get back to the pc version (i think) so now im gonna mention the gog version

GoG.com

gog.com is a website (woah) that sells exclusively drm-free games. tl;dr if you have downloaded the games backup installer (or installed the game from them its still drm free) they cannot do SHIT you OWN that thing you can do whatever you like. install it on one of your pcs. install it on every pc you own. steam wont let you use windows 7 now? thats cool i can use the gog offline backup installer on any os (that the game itself supports). why am i mentioning this? well i thought itd be cool to collect backup installers. downloading them whenever new versions drop (was only really doing it with windows until last year so i only downloaded 1.4.4.9v4 on other oses myself) but i only started playing on steam with 1.4.0.5, and gog with 1.4.1 or 1.4.2 i cant remember which, how can i get older versions now? i can only download the latest version via gog, plus patch exes to patch older versions to slightly less old versions given that i already have older versions, and even then i can only currently download patches for 1.4.4.8 and onwards (i was grabbing patches as i went). so i contacted gog support. they were able to give me linux, windows, and macos backup installers for 1.3.5.3 and 1.4.0.5, which was very cool and 1.3.5.3 was one of the two versions i most cared about since they were right before 1.X.0.0 updates. the other being 1.2.4.1, since gog terraria did release with that version as the first one it released with. even going back to support a year later going "hey i was allowed access to older ones before, do you have 1.2.4.1?" and they could only give me 1.3.5.3 and 1.4.0.5 (and the latest version direct from gog.com being 1.4.4.9v4). so began my hunt. eventually finding the gog version of 1.2.4.1 lying around on the internet archive (thank you internet archive youre a real one), alongside a couple other misc versions i didnt have. i also found a couple i had to torrent (i wish gog let me have them all so i didnt have to resort to pirating a game i paid for but media preservation is at the heart of piracy so thank you media preservers youre also real ones. that includes internet archive im thanking you twice), so bringing me to now where i have basically every 1.4.4.x on windows, a handful of 1.4.x.x on windows, and 1.4.4.9v4, 1.4.0.5, and 1.3.5.3 on all platforms, and 1.2.4.1 on windows (linux/mac didnt get native versions till the beta on 1.3.0.7 and then fully on 1.3.0.8) oh i also have the mobile version but theres nothing really interesting of note there. switch versions better portably (and steam deck too)

and thats my full collection basically. at some point im hoping to get the 2 collectors edition box arts i dont have and 2 japanese game versions i dont have, but waiting for listings to show up online/reasonable prices respectively. if youve made it to the end of this... well done. maybe in the future ill talk about my dr who dvd collection, or the turnip boy robs a bank wii version i have (its real only haters will say its fake). anyways post ended thats all i can think to talk about.

[emergency-vehicle]

Saudade, Saudade

TRANSFORMERS PRIME | SONG FIC

CHARACTERS: Optimus Prime (Deceased), Ratchet, Original Character- Daniel Tarfeld

RELATIONSHIP: Optimus Prime/Ratchet

WORD COUNT: 4.2 K

WARNINGS: Semi-Graphic depictions of depression, grieving loss of a loved one, self neglect

SUMMARY: It's been well over three vorn since Optimus Prime's passing, and Ratchet is taking it about as well as the next bot. Stationed back on Earth, the old medic spends most of his time alone. Most. With his only sort of contact being a human, Ratchet would much rather sit in silence as they work together. However today, Daniel Tarfeld (his government assigned apprentice) has different plans.

RECOMMENDED LISTENING: Saudade, Saudade - MARO, Better in the Morning - Birdtalker, Sound the Bugle - Brian Adams

“I did not come to this planet to save one life, only to lose the life I care about the most!”

The words ripped from Ratchet’s vox. The world around him was crisp, white, hazy. There was a rising panic running up his neural array, making the hydraulics in his arms and legs tense up, poised and ready to run.

“Ratchet…” His name was sweet to the audials, Prime’s voice thick with emotion.

“Optimus…please.” Ratchet’s voice was soft, ragged. “Don’t leave.”

His Prime smiled at him. Softly, sweetly. It pulled at his spark, the pain in his chest growing. He could see the reflection of it in Optimus’ optics, the way the smile didn’t reach them. Optimus stepped forward, away from the well. Ratchet couldn’t help the pitiful, pleading swell of hope that came from his EM field, reaching out to him.

Optimus’ smile turned sad as he placed his servo on his lover’s face, his thumb gently tracing the tracks below his eyes.

“You know I must.” He whispered. Ratchet relished his voice. “But I will never be truly gone.”

His hand moved to cover Ratchet’s chest, feeling the raw sorrow that emanated from his spark.

“I will always be with you, even if you cannot see me.”

Optimus’ bright optics searched his own. Their fields mingled, Ratchet could feel how his own grief was mirrored tenfold by his Prime. He knew that this choice wasn’t a choice. It was Optimus’ charge, his duty- his mission.

Ratchet leaned his head against his Prime’s sturdy chest, relishing his sparkbeat one final time. He could hold his emotions in no longer as a sob so forceful came from deep within him it made his voice modulator crack and reset. He had never dreamed it would end like this. At so many points he thought he would lose Optimus- his battles with the Decepticons, the cybonic plague, the destruction of their base, the endless war. That? Those endings? Those were expected. Those he could make sense of.

But this? No. Never this.

“I’m so, so sorry, old friend.”

The apology rang hollow in his audial sensors, no matter how heartfelt it was.

Ratchet let Optimus pull away without a fight. The world spun around him as he took his place at the lip of the well, the words that came from his vox muted and unintelligible. He could only watch in abject horror as Optimus Prime fell backwards into the well.

The new sparks, their bright colors flitting around could not bring Ratchet out of his trance. He was barely aware of how the others reacted, their oohs and aahs falling on deaf audio processors. All Ratchet could see was the space in which Optimus Prime said his last words. The space in which, only mere moments ago, Optimus Prime had stood. The space in which Optimus Prime made his ultimate sacrifice.

—

Ratchet woke up with a start. He always did. Ever since the nightmare on Cybertron happened, he was lucky if he got three hours of recharge.

Wearily, the Autobot pulled up his HUD. It was showing to be 5:34 AM, Eastern Standard time. Huh. Maybe he had gotten more recharge than he thought.

With a groan, he stood from his berth, stretching his struts and reaching his servos above his helm. The stretches had become more painful as time went on, and it certainly didn’t help that he had…neglected…his personal upkeep.

Ratchet drank energon, he oiled the joints connecting his digits to his servos, but anything else had simply become a waste of time. Once, maybe twice a week, did he visit the washracks. Not that it mattered, mechs did not emit the same terrible smell that the children once did. He only did it because he had found himself traveling a lot more than before.

True to his word, Ratchet had stayed back on Earth. He preferred it this way- no reminders. Nothing but his sterile lab and the meetings with annoying bureaucrats. Agent Fowler had graciously relocated Ratchet to a much smaller base, somewhere far away from Jasper, Nevada. The old medic found himself in a place called Oakridge, Tennessee.

He was placed under the watchful eye of an Army reserve base, which suited him just fine. Ratchet liked the routines of the base. They were familiar, and somehow, oddly comforting. The same as Unit E, but different enough to put his neural net at ease.

The humans of Tennessee were much different than those of Nevada. It was hard to believe that they were of the same country. Their speech was slower, their smiles more abundant, their culture far more community focused. Not that Ratchet would ever spend more time than he had to with them, of course. He simply preferred to observe.

Still, he could imagine that Optimus would- would have- gotten along quite well with them.

Ratchet had to stop, shutter his optics, and take in a deep vent. Nope. He would not be thinking about that today.

He let the vent out slowly and refocused.

Ratchet had work to do. Work was good. Work kept his mind busy, and more importantly, distracted.

He drug himself out of the small berthroom and into the nerve center he called his lab. Pristine scientific equipment, that was certainly in much better shape than him, greeted him. The project that was currently in progress stood in the middle of the room. If someone were to walk in on his work, they would think they had just walked into a clean room. Nothing was out of place, nothing was dirty, and everything was in perfect repair. Just how he liked it.

Graciously, once the Deception threat had passed from Earth's history, Agent Fowler had somehow found the funding to give Ratchet what he truly needed to work. It sat bitterly in the bot’s chest. His team was not deserving of this equipment, but as soon as there was a promise to share technological advancements, suddenly he had everything he needed.

Fragging bureaucrats.

With a heavy vent, Ratchet set to work.

The decision to share Cybertronian technology was a difficult one. At the start of his employment of sorts, he had to act as a liaison between Cybertron and Earth as they fought over agreements and boundaries.

No, they could not share biological information. Yes, they could share fuel efficiency techniques. No, they could not have space bridge technology. Yes, they could work on upgrading their spaceflight program.

It was a terrible back and forth that Ratchet had found himself in the middle of, but by the grace of the Allspark, agreements had finally been made, and he could stop with the nonsense of intergalactic politics.

He had just sat down to work on engine schematics when there was a knock at the door. Ratchet’s left optic twitched in irritation before he turned.

“Come in.” His voice was biting, tired. The usual.

The tiny door opened and an even tinier being walked in. It wasn’t Fowler. No, Fowler had much more important things to tend to nowadays. This was Daniel Tarfeld. He didn’t bother to remember his rank. Ratchet had given up on getting close to humans.

“Good morning, Ratchet.” Daniel said.

“Daniel.”

The man- really a boy- had a shock of red hair and freckles that smattered around his face and arms. He was built smaller than other males of his species, but his ferocious spirit more than made up for it. If Ratchet had been softer, he would’ve imagined that Daniel would be delightful company.

But, Ratchet was decidedly not soft. He was tired, in constant pain, and terribly sad. Though, he’d never admit that last part to the boy who had been assigned as his apprentice.

Daniel wasn’t army. He was in this new service branch. Space Force. Ratchet had heard whispers about its controversial christening on base, but he cared none for Earth politics.

“Shall we get to work?” Daniel’s voice was raspy, sounding almost as tired as Ratchet felt. Almost.

Ratchet nodded. He reached a servo down and Daniel stepped up. He brought the apprentice to the large desk, letting him step off before turning back to the schematic.

The human quietly opened the satchel around his torso, bringing out his own laptop. Ratchet got the notification that he had connected via bluetooth and soon they shared control of the screens. This was their routine. They would work in silence, with the occasional conversation; always about work. Never about each other.

“You look like shit.” Daniel commented after a few minutes.

Ratchet side eyed him, the corner of his mouth flicking up in disgust, before turning his optics back to the screen.

“You don’t look much better, yourself.”

That earned him a huff, though Ratchet wasn’t sure if it was a laugh, or out of annoyance. He didn’t really care. His digits continued to tack away at the large keyboard as his processor ran complicated equations.

A few more moments passed in silence. Ratchet’s audials picked up on the soft sound of Daniel rustling, but he paid it no mind.

“Were you always such an ass?” Daniel asked.

Ratchet’s digits paused, hovering above the keyboard. He slowly turned his helm towards the boy, optics squinted. Daniel had shut his laptop now, staring at Ratchet with big blue eyes. They were hard. The mech realized he was expecting an answer.

Ratchet did not give him one.

Daniel squinted, his own mouth turned into a bit of a sneer. The silence between them was frigid.

“Get back to work.” Ratchet finally said.

“No.” Daniel said, voice firm.

Ratchet shuttered his optics rapidly, taken slightly aback, “What has gotten into you?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Daniel shot back, “Maybe it’s the fact that we’ve been working together for a year and a half, and the only words I’ve ever heard from you are-”

His voice mocked Ratchet’s own, “Daniel. And, Goodbye.”

“I’m not sure what you’re expecting from me,” Ratchet said. “We are working. I work better in silence. Not listening to prattling about what silly things you have gotten up to this weekend.”

“I’m expecting more than just a cold shoulder.” Daniel said, “I know you’ve spent time with humans before. You must know we are social creatures who thrive on interaction.”

His final sentence had dripped with mockery. Ratchet’s plates flared a bit as he gave an incensed exvent. Oh, how he wished humans could taste EM fields, if only so Daniel could feel the “leave me the frag alone” that was radiating from the bot.

“If you must know, Tarfeld,” Ratchet spat the name, “I do not prefer human company, and I do prefer to keep my relationships professional.”

“So,” The bot waved his huge servo towards the laptop, “Get back to work.”

Daniel shook his head and crossed his legs, his arms tight against his chest. He looked at the mech defiantly, tiny hands gripping his tiny arms so hard his knuckles turned white.

“I am not working until we talk.” The human would just not back down. If it had been three vorns ago, Ratchet would’ve found it charming.

Ratchet offlined his optics for a good fifteen klicks before finally looking at the defiant apprentice.

“If I talk, will you let me work?”

“Yes.” If Ratchet didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought he saw a flash of victory in his eyes.

“Fine. Five minutes.” He glanced at his HUD. It was 7:28. “You have until 7:33.”

“What was the war like?”

“Terrible. Next question.”

“How terrible?”

“Very.” Ratchet responded, “Imagine the worst war on your planet. Now imagine it lasting for four millenia. Next question.”

7:29.

Daniel paused, looking away as his eyes searched the air for a question.

“Were you always such an asshole?” The boy finally echoed his earlier question.

Ratchet paused.

“No.” He finally said quietly. “Not always.”

“Why are you like this, then?”

Ratchet couldn’t help the momentary sneer. He did not appreciate this line of questioning.

“War changes people.” He finally answered.

7:30.

“What was he like?” Daniel asked.

Ratchet squinted, his spark starting to sink, “Who?”

“You know,” Hope tinged Daniel’s voice, “Optimus Prime.”

His spark plummeted into his abdomen. He regretted even asking.

“Do I have to answer that?”

“Yes.”

Another beat of silence. The time changed to 7:31 on Ratchet’s HUD. He had half a mind to wait the full two minutes. Anything to keep from speaking about his be- him.

Still, Daniel looked at him with those puppy eyes that humans had mastered the use of when they wanted something. Ratchet felt his resolve melt, if only slightly.

“He was…special.” The Autobot finally answered. “There was no one like him, and no one will ever be like him again.”

He hoped that Daniel did not pick up on the momentary glitch in his vocals.

“Oh, so you do have the capacity for feeling!” Daniel laughed, but the words felt like a sword through Ratchet’s spark.

Before he could come up with a blistering retort, Daniel continued.

“You know, when they finally announced the existence of…” He gestured to Ratchet, “Y’all…I was a huge fan of Optimus. I was one of those teens who always liked aliens and conspiracy theories, so to find out the pictures I saw online were real?”

The human did what Ratchet believed to be a ‘chef’s kiss’, “Incredible moment. I lauded that shit over my high school buddies for years.”

Ratchet struggled to will away the tension that had wound itself in his hydraulics systems. He bit the side of his glossa, desperately trying to use the pain to bring him back to the moment. He wanted to lash out, to use his unkind words to bring Daniel back in order. He wanted to defend his existence, and his Prime’s.

But, a thought crossed Ratchet’s neural net: how could he have known? It’s not like you’ve talked to him much. He just wants connection.

They weren’t Optimus’ words, but they carried the same gentle understanding tone of his dear conjunx. It was enough for Ratchet to release a long, slow vent as his systems relaxed. He felt his plating shift as he hunched over now. No longer alert, just…tired.

“...Ratchet?” Daniel’s voice sounded much smaller as the mech brought himself back to the land of the living, “You…okay?”

It took a moment, but Ratchet managed to look over at the small being and nod. There was a scratch in his vox as he brought his vocals back online.

“Fine.” He let go of the desk, pushing himself away. “I’m fine. I’m…going to get something to drink.”

Without another word, Ratchet left the bewildered human at the desk. He moved down one of the hallways of the small facility granted to him, heading towards storage.

The storage space was mostly used to keep energon cubes, both the large bulk inventory and the smaller consumable ones. Right now, the stores were looking a bit bare. It was almost time for another shipment to come. Quickly, he pulled up the calendar on his HUD, checking for when he would be due for a visit from his compatriots.

Usually, it was either Arcee or Bee who brought him a few orbital cycles worth of energon. While Earth still had some fairly abundant mines, he did not want the humans to get their hands on the substance. Plus, it’s not like he could go out and mine it himself. So, their locations were kept a secret and an agreement was reached that Cybertron would send him what he needed.

The calendar told him that he would be receiving a visit tomorrow. It brought an odd sense of comfort to him. Though he tried to distance himself as much as he could from Cybertron, seeing his former teammates somehow managed to lift his mood, even if it was only for a couple groons.

If Ratchet was being honest with himself, he missed them. He missed Arcee’s biting quips, Bumblebee’s cheerful attitude. To the Pits, he even missed Bulkhead’s blumbering aft.

The mech struggled to put the thoughts of his former team to the back of his neural net. He reached for the closest consumable cube and expertly opened the lid. In one fell swoop, he downed the entire thing.

The energon was lukewarm, and a bit thicker than he preferred. Yet, it still felt good as the fuel integrated into his systems and processors. While his body felt a bit recharged, his mind still remained clouded.

It annoyed Ratchet. He did not want to grieve today. In fact, he never wanted to grieve- ever. If he cried, if he howled, if he sang funeral songs, it made the loss too real. He could already feel the way his spark chamber ached. His vox tightened involuntarily, optics growing blurry.

No. He tried- Primus how he tried- to keep everything buried. Emotions did not serve him, and to deny them allowed him to focus. But focus did not come back to him.

All he could focus on was the absence. The spark wrenching, soul purging absence. Optimus had told him that he would always be with him, but where is he now?!

Ratchet had to force his vocal processors offline to keep the shriek from sounding. At some point, he had found himself sitting on the floor, arms wrapped tight around his legs, squeezing the living metal so hard it hurt. He buried his helm between his knees, begging for this to pass. He had work to do, and grieving someone was decidedly not work.

Even then, it did not leave him. The only thing that passed was the ticking seconds from the clock on the wall. He stared absently at the cubes of energon, their faint blue glow reflecting off his amoured plating.

“Ratchet?”

Daniel’s voice startled the mech out of his stupor. He shuttered his optics rapidly, turning to face the door. The small, delicate human stood in the frame, dwarfed by its size. Ratchet could say nothing as the creature approached him, placing one of its tiny hands on his massive leg.

“Are you alright? You’ve been in here for almost an hour and a half.”

Confusion colored his face as he brought his vocal processors back online. There was a small scratch- akin to a cough- as he reintegrated their processing codes.

“Has it really been that long?”

Daniel nodded. Ratchet looked away.

“Yes.” He finally said, “I’m fine.”

The mech moved to stand. Daniel quickly backed away, and Ratchet was careful not to squish him with his pedes. He stretched his struts once more, a terrible metallic groan filling the air. Ratchet couldn’t help the look of pain on his face. He really needed to oil his joints more often.

“Look- Ratchet-?” Daniel said quickly, craning his entire body up to look the Autobot in the optics, “I’m sorry. I…I shouldn’t have pried. I-”

Ratchet waved a servo and bent over, offering it to the creature, “It’s fine, Daniel. C’mon, let’s get back to work.”

Carefully, gingerly, the human stepped into his palm. He gripped Ratchet’s thumb the way he always did when he was getting a lift. Carefully, Ratchet maneuvered them back to the desk and gently set the organic down.

There was a soft song playing. It was much different from the music that Bulkhead and Miko used to listen to. No raving guitars or screaming vocals, just a soft melody and quiet words.

Normally, Ratchet would’ve told Daniel to turn it off. He preferred silence. But there was something to this music that calmed the ever present hum in his protoform.

“Tem tanto que trago comigo

Foi sempre o meu porto de abrigo

E agora nada faz sentido

Perdi o meu melhor amigo

E se não for demais

Peço por sinias

Resta uma são palavra

Saudade, Saudade.

Nothing more that I can say,

Says it in a better way.”

The music continued in English, and Ratchet listened. The lyrics were haunting, the accompaniment even more so. It was evident that this was a mourning song, and it made Ratchet’s vox tighten once more.

“I’ve tried, alright

But it’s killing me inside.

Thought you’d be by my side

Always.”

Ratchet took a shuddering invent.

“What language was that?” He asked gently after the song ended.

Daniel paused and looked up at him, surprised.

“Portuguese.”

Ratchet hummed an affirmative, “Do you know Portuguese?”

Daniel shook his head, “Well…kind of. My friend Gabriel is teaching me.”

“Oh?” He asked, “Do you know what the lyrics said?”

At this point, Daniel looked like a deer in headlights. This was possibly the most they’ve spoken- ever. Ratchet couldn’t blame him. Their earlier interaction had left him on edge, but in a way that made the walls he built around himself tumble down. Maybe he was craving connection as much as Daniel was.

“Uh, yeah, let me just…pull them up.”

There was a quick tack-tack-tack as Daniel typed on his computer. Within a few moments, he had dragged a window onto the shared screens. It depicted a website, with the lyrics to the entire song. The original lyrics were on one side, with the translated ones on the other.

Ratchet quickly looked at the screen, reading the whole song. Most of it was in English, except that one verse.

“Tem tanto que trago comigo - There’s so much to what I’ve got with me

Foi sempre o meu porto de abrigo - You were always my haven

E agora nada faz sentido - And now nothing makes sense

Perdi o meu melhor amigo - I lost my best friend

E se não for demais - And if it’s not too much

Peço por sinias - I ask for signs

Resta uma são palavra - There is only one word left.

Saudade, Saudade.

Nothing more that I can say,

Says it in a better way.”

There was a heavy silence between them as Ratchet read the lyrics over and over. His optics blurred, and he didn’t even notice the small leak of coolant until he felt it dripping off his faceplate.

Ratchet brought a servo up to wipe it off, shame and embarrassment flooding his neural net. He shouldn’t be crying- especially in front of Daniel.

“Sorry,” Ratchet said softly, static lacing his words. He tried saying something else, but nothing could come out.

“It…It’s okay.” Daniel’s voice was small, choked.

Ratchet took a moment before speaking again.

“What does saudade mean?”

Daniel paused, wiping his face. Ratchet couldn’t tell if the organics eyes had betrayed it as well.

“It’s an untranslatable word.” He said after a moment, “It’s the feeling of an intense yearning and melancholic nostalgia for something or someone you love.”

“I see.”

Ratchet couldn’t find any other words to respond with. He had known for a while that Earth had hundreds of languages, and even more styles of script. However, he had never bothered to look into them.

He was, in all honesty, stunned. The complexity of the words strung together, the way saudade is a word so powerful that there is no equivalent of it in any language…it was unexpected. What was even more unexpected is the fact that a human song touched his spark.

Is this what people meant when they prattled about “the human condition”? If humans had the capacity to touch his spark so deeply, perhaps the organics were not so different from Cybertronians.

That was yet another way Optimus continued to be right. At this point, Ratchet couldn’t even argue with the logic he once refused to understand.

“Can you play it again?”

Ratchet was taken aback by his own request. It was as if his vox had betrayed his processors and spoke before he could think. But even then, Daniel didn’t say anything. There was simply the sound of a soft electric piano, and the mournful lyrics hanging in the air between them.

Ratchet shuttered his optics, clinging onto every word, every note.

Strangely enough, this time around he did not feel the need to shed tears. But, he did feel a warmth surround his spark, holding him close as he lost himself in the music. It was as if Optimus was standing next to him again, a ghost inhabiting his field and placing a reassuring servo on his shoulder as he had done so many times before.

Ratchet found himself clumsily mouthing the Portuguese lyrics he had studied so intently mere moments before. They rang true to him.

Optimus was his refuge. Optimus was his best friend. With Optimus gone, nothing made sense.

Nothing, but this song.

The final lyric sounded, and Ratchet recalled the final time he saw his Conjunx. “I will always be with you, even if you cannot see me.” Something inside him clicked in understanding.

Optimus was by his side, always. Even if he couldn’t see him, even if he couldn’t feel him, even if he couldn’t hear him. He was there.

The impact he had on Ratchet was profound. He would never forget how gentle his lover was, and how in turn, Ratchet himself gained that quality. By locking it away, he was locking away Optimus himself.

Finally, Ratchet opened his eyes. He looked at his apprentice, who was staring at him as if he had suddenly grown flesh over his frame. Ratchet didn’t expect him to understand right now, but maybe one day he would.

“Thank you, Daniel.” Ratchet said.

[monstersinthecosmos]

VC Kinktober <3

So I didn't have time to create anything new for Kinktober this year, and I also meant to make this post at the end of October and didn't get a chance, so please humbly accept this late offering! Instead of creating anything new I wanted to make a lil directory of the fics I've written already that contain some of these prompts, for everyone's needs!

Day 1: Biting Bartzabel (Marius/Santino) Dust of the Saturn (Armand/Daniel) Gallows Bird (Maruis/Armand) In the Trials of the Heart (Armand/Daniel, Marius/Daniel, Marius/Armand) The Lotus Eater (Armand/Daniel) Minus (Armand/Daniel) the misinterpretation of silence and its disastrous consequences (Lestat/Louis) Moon Above, Sun Below (Armand/Daniel) quinque plus unum (Marius/Daniel, Marius/Armand) Right Where it Belongs (Lestat/Louis) Ruby (Armand/Daniel) Sfaíra Ti̱s Fo̱tiás (Marius/Armand, Santino/Armand) So Falls the World (Marius/Pandora, Akasha/Marius/Pandora) Various Methods of Escape (Louis/Daniel)

Day 2: Masturbation Fall Apart (Armand/Daniel) Sfaíra Ti̱s Fo̱tiás (Marius/Armand, Santino/Armand) Vantablack (Marius/Armand) Where My Holiness Goes (Armand/Daniel)

Day 3: Praise Kink

French Mistake (Nicki/Lestat) Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) Vantablack (Marius/Armand)

Day 4: Voyeurism/Exhibitionism

Fall Apart (Armand/Daniel) Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) Minus (Armand/Daniel) Moon Above, Sun Below (Armand/Daniel) So Falls the World (Marius/Pandora, Akasha/Marius/Pandora) Vantablack (Marius/Armand)

Day 5: Bondage

Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) The Lotus Eater (Armand/Daniel) Moon Above, Sun Below (Armand/Daniel) world coming down (Lestat/Louis)

Day 6: Nipple Play Serrated (Armand/Daniel) Where My Holiness Goes (Armand/Daniel)

Day 8: Blood Play

Bartzabel (Marius/Santino) Clockwise Operetta (Marius/Armand) Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) In the Trials of the Heart (Armand/Daniel, Marius/Daniel, Marius/Armand) The Lotus Eater (Armand/Daniel) Minus (Armand/Daniel) the misinterpretation of silence and its disastrous consequences (Lestat/Louis) Moon Above, Sun Below (Armand/Daniel) quinque plus unum (Marius/Daniel, Marius/Armand) Right Where it Belongs (Lestat/Louis) Ruby (Armand/Daniel) Sfaíra Ti̱s Fo̱tiás (Marius/Armand, Santino/Armand) So Falls the World (Marius/Pandora, Akasha/Marius/Pandora) Various Methods of Escape (Louis/Daniel) world coming down (Lestat/Louis)

Day 11: Dom/Sub Cauda Pavonis (Marius/Bianca/Armand) Clockwise Operetta (Marius/Armand) Dust of the Saturn (Armand/Daniel) Fall Apart (Armand/Daniel) Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) The Lotus Eater (Armand/Daniel) the misinterpretation of silence and its disastrous consequences (Lestat/Louis) Moon Above, Sun Below (Armand/Daniel) Pinion (Marius/Daniel) Right Where it Belongs (Lestat/Louis) Ruby (Armand/Daniel) Sfaíra Ti̱s Fo̱tiás (Marius/Armand, Santino/Armand) So Falls the World (Marius/Pandora, Akasha/Marius/Pandora) Vantablack (Marius/Armand) Various Methods of Escape (Louis/Daniel) Where My Holiness Goes (Armand/Daniel) world coming down (Lestat/Louis)

Day 12: Cockwarming

Cauda Pavonis (Marius/Bianca/Armand) Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand)

Day 13: Toys

Cauda Pavonis (Marius/Bianca/Armand) Down Below (Armand/Daniel) Dust of the Saturn (Armand/Daniel) The Lotus Eater (Armand/Daniel) Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) So Falls the World (Marius/Pandora, Akasha/Marius/Pandora)

Day 14: Roleplay

Cauda Pavonis (Marius/Bianca/Armand) Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand)

Day 17: Body Worship Buried in the Blind Space (Armand/Daniel)

Day 18: Double Penetration

Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand)

Day 19: Threesome/Orgy

Cauda Pavonis (Marius/Bianca/Armand) Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) Minus (Armand/Daniel) Moon Above, Sun Below (Armand/Daniel) So Falls the World (Marius/Pandora, Akasha/Marius/Pandora)

Day 20: Edging

Clockwise Operetta (Marius/Armand) Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) The Lotus Eater (Armand/Daniel) Where My Holiness Goes (Armand/Daniel) world coming down (Lestat/Louis)

Day 22: Breathplay Various Methods of Escape (Louis/Daniel)

Day 25: Sensory Play Only Human (Armand/Daniel) world coming down (Lestat/Louis)

Day 26: Impact Play Clockwise Operetta (Marius/Armand) Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) the misinterpretation of silence and its disastrous consequences (Lestat/Louis) Right Where it Belongs (Lestat/Louis)

Day 27: Religious Play Sfaíra Ti̱s Fo̱tiás (Marius/Armand, Santino/Armand)

Day 29: Clothed Sex

Cauda Pavonis (Marius/Bianca/Armand)

Day 30: Dirty Talk

Cauda Pavonis (Marius/Bianca/Armand) Clockwise Operetta (Marius/Armand) Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) Sfaíra Ti̱s Fo̱tiás (Marius/Armand, Santino/Armand)