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xxvalkyriesxx · 2 months ago

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Flying Changes - Chapter Six

A Nessian Equestrian Fic

Masterlist // Previous Part // Next Part

Read on AO3 or below!

@nessianweek (post for Day Seven - Free Day)

AN: Hello Everyone!!! It's been a bit since I last updated Flying Changes! Thank you so much for being kind and patient with me as I participated in my first Nessian week! You can read the fics I wrote for Nessian week either through my Nessian Week 2024 series or the NessianWeek2024 collection here on AO3!! You can also read my fics on Tumblr if you're there too!

Shout out to IRL fandom friend who's been helping with some details for this chapter and a few others! They're amazing and I love them!!

CW: Panic attacks, discussions on anxiety

Snippet:

“Easy, Sweetheart. Some might think you’re flirting with me.”

Nesta rolled her eyes, her stomach turning to iron. “As if.”

She stood up from the chair. “Am I needed for anything else?”

Cassian shook his head. “No. But before you go off to read your smut and dream of those “barbaric men and warrior women”, I need you to go muck the stalls in the private barn.”

Arching an eyebrow, she shook her head. “I did that this morning.”

Ironically this was the first time Nesta stepped foot into Cassian’s office. It was above the therapy barn’s tack room. Windows were displayed on the side creating a perfect view of most of the stalls. She couldn't help but wonder how many times he had watched her through these windows as she did chores. Was it similar to how she would watch from her bedroom window?

The door shut as Cassian walked through the threshold. The sound made Nesta’s shoulders tense, her heartbeat was faster than normal. A sick familiar wave of dread anchored her belly, pinning her to the chair she sat in. Cassian crossed over to his desk speaking, but not a single word did she hear. Not as phantom memories filled her ears like water. Her eyes were casted downwards, afraid. Afraid of what she couldn’t tell. The anxiety of her rotten memories or the anxiety of the what-ifs littering her mind like landfills.

Will I ever break free from this cycle? Or is this the cycle the Mother doomed me to run in through until I’m six feet under, giving my skin and hair back to the world that created me.

Nesta.

Her name was called, but the voice was so distorted was it even real? Air suddenly felt like a right that she couldn’t have. As she breathed, the world around her began to shrink. The walls of the room pushed closer and closer to where she sat. The furniture scratched across the wooden floors.

Nesta, you’re having… panic attack. I’m going…open the door…let air in…need you to focus… Tether yourself…

The voice weaved through her ears, not catching everything that was spoken. There was a presence near her, but it wasn’t too close, but too far. It was familiar and oddly made her feel warm in the arctic hellscape of her mind. The room froze in her terminal, but the furniture kept quiet, the walls still as statues. Her head took in the scene before her.

Five things. What five things can you see? Can you describe them to me?

Words piled onto her tongue waiting for her mind to open her mouth, but nothing fell out. The presence was still near her, but close enough to touch.

Breathe. Name five things.

Windows. Desk. Couch. Photo. Books.

Good, describe them to me.

The windows are to the right of me. I can see the stalls from there.

The desk is in front of me. It's brown.

The couch is on my left side. It’s velvet and green.

There’s a picture on the wall, seven guys in camo.

Books…They were on the nearby shelf. The books are different colors. Blacks, grays, and reds. Some look thick, some thin.

That’s great Nesta. What are four things you can touch?

Somehow the room started to shift back to place. The walls went back in their normal position. Nesta blinked, feeling the wood of the chair she sat in. Her eyes adjusted, the blur slowly leaving her sight. The chair. The wood is smooth, but the further I go, I feel ridges carved with designs.

Nesta reached over to the desk picking up a stack of papers. Documents, probably important. Thin yet the stack holds weight.

Still on the desk, Nesta grabbed a toy horse. A tiny horse. It’s dapple gray and seems to be cantering. The mane and tail are a little sharp with the horse in motion. It’s a plastic toy, but not a breyer horse.

Finally she reached over to the nearby lamp, her hand around the pull-switch. It was metallic and beaded, slightly cool in between her finger pads. Gently she pulled it, the lamp turning on, a warm light filling her vision. The pull-switch of this lamp. It’s kinda cold, not heavy.

I see you, Nesta. You’re grounding yourself. Can you name three things you can hear?

Taking a deep breath, the air traveled from her nose to mouth, in a setting she didn’t know how long it took her to exhale. Was it fast? Was it too slow? Was this good enough? Her gaze wandered over the blur that tricked her eyes. Slightly focused then slightly not.

Focus. What three things do you hear?

Head breaking the surface of the distorted noise, Nesta focused. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. Nesta looked away from the blurb, her eyes landing on an old grandfather clock. The clock, it’s ticking. She shifted, taking another breath.

Eventually another noise drifted from the open door. A horse was neighing, probably Jasper. He was the one horse who never shut up. The sound gave light to her belly. Her body wiggled and moved in the chair, the anchor pulling from the pit. Jasper. He’s loud.

Then she heard the blur snort, an almost laugh. Or was it a laugh for real? Your laugh?

“Why are you saying it as a question?” “Are you laughing?”

Silence met her until a voice strode into her mind. “Yes, I’m laughing. You know the horses better than I thought.”

“Name me two things you can smell.”

Nesta sniffed and then sniffed again. A scent, there was a scent that swayed around the room that provided enough evidence it was lingering in the air instead of in her head. “It smells like fall. Clove, cedar, maybe a hint of vanilla? It’s not strong, the scent is mellow enough. Like a candle.” Her head wandered until she saw an air freshener plugged into a nearby socket.

She took another breath, her mind still as she narrowed down something else. It came after moments on end as she tried hard to find something past the scented cloud that was in the office. The other scent was fading, but it gave Nesta just the tiniest of scrapes, in the shape of a needle. “Hay…It’s a dumb answer being in a horse barn.”

“Not at all.”

Her come down was less of free falling and now floating. The ground was in sight as if she could stretch her toes down to touch the floor before her feet fully planted on it.

“Name one person or thing that you’re grateful for.”

A slow rise of panic crawled in, making her go from her body floating in air to a being in hot air balloon. The fire brought her up. Nesta took one, two, three deep breaths slowly, keeping her heartbeat regulated. A face came into view of a woman, beautiful brown eyes, black hair. Her presence was what a friend was described as in the books Nesta read. She clung the name close to her heart. “Emerie.”

“Nesta.” The voice spoke her name.

She looked up to see Cassian kneeling near her. Close enough he could touch her if he tried, but provided a safe distance. Something twanged in her heart, but she pushed it away. It wasn’t anxiety, it was nonsense.

“You did excellent.” He praised, a soft smile on his lips. “The door.” She whispered the barrier, but swallowed her anxiety, speaking clearly. “The door. It was the door that triggered me.”

Cassian’s ears pinked as his fingers pulled on his ponytail. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to slam the door like that.” His gaze lingered from the floor to her eyes. Nesta nodded. “It’s..it’s okay, you didn’t know. But I would prefer not to be taken away to a private area when you’re angry. It..” Her memory was bile rising up her throat.

Cassian nodded slightly, encouraging her. There was no force in his demeanor. “It just brings up..bad stuff.” She didn’t want to name it as if it was a curse looking to haunt her. “That’s..that’s all I need to know, Nesta. I’ll know going forward that isn’t the best plan of action.”

“Thank you.”

“I wanted to speak to you in private because I did want to address a few things that happened in that arena.” Cassian said as he stood up, sitting slightly on top of his desk.

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” “I hate to admit this Nesta, but you did.” His voice was calm, apologetic. There was no hate or taunt that threaded his letters. “What did you think I did wrong by standing up for Gwyn.”

Cassian shook his head. “It’s not that.. That took courage. Courage that most people in today’s world don’t have.” “Then what was your issue?” Nesta asked, an irritation gnawing at her. “Legal.”

Nesta blinked once, then twice. She didn’t know why but she was expecting something stupid to come out his mouth like because she’s traumatized or something even misogynistic about her being a woman or perhaps both.

“Legally, if you were to do that and not be an actual staff member during an actual lesson if the ranch was up and running, then you would become liable for whatever happens in that arena, and how it affects everyone there and on this ranch.”

A bitter response was out before she could yank the anger back. “Then hire actual people to prevent what I had to witness.” She waited for his anger to bite her back, sending her from panics to complete rage.

“Well…I can’t argue with that, now can I?”

Nesta opened her mouth, then closed, then opened to say something, then abruptly closing her lips again. Cassian shook with laughter and somehow Nesta thought there were butterflies flying in her belly. It would be a lie to say she hated the feeling.

“Forgive me, but you’re just really cute when you’re like that, Nesta.” Cassian smiled brightly. Her face was in flames with how pink her cheeks came to be. She quickly looked away, her nose scrunching from the embarrassment. He laughed a little more before leaning back, his hands resting on the edge of the desk.

“Back to what we were speaking about. I’m glad you were there for Gwyn and helped her get more simulated with horses. It was a greatcall to use Sundrop. However, you may be an Olympic equestrian, but you never trained to work with therapy horses. Things could have gotten a lot worse today.”

He shrugged. “I mean for all we know, the shitty therapist could be bad mouthing the ranch. I guess it’s a good thing we are technically closed. And I guess I still have a lot to learn being a ranch manager.” “I can’t argue with that.” The smallest of smirks on her lips, echoing his statement from moments ago. Cassian pursed his lips as he shook his head.

“Easy, Sweetheart. Some might think you’re flirting with me.” Nesta rolled her eyes, her stomach turning to iron. “As if.”

She stood up from the chair. “Am I needed for anything else?” Cassian shook his head. “No. But before you go off to read your smut and dream of those “barbaric men and warrior women”, I need you to go muck the stalls in the private barn.” Arching an eyebrow, she shook her head. “I did that this morning.”

“Horses shit a lot. Take it as a learning lesson, Nes.” “That’s not my name.” Nesta glared at him. His lips were sealed as she scoffed before turning around.

As she crossed the threshold, Nesta couldn’t help but think Cassian looked similar to his younger self from the photograph in his office surrounded by fellow military personnel.

Pushing the wheelbarrow through the barn, Nesta hated to admit that Cassian was right. The stalls were dirtier than usual in between cleanings.

“Damn horses.” Nesta mumbled underneath her breath as she went to the first empty stall. There was a stall sign that resembled a plaque installed into the front of the stall. The sign read “Odysseus”. There was no show name or owner name, but as they didn’t board the barn out to outsiders, it made sense why there was no need to showcase the owner.

With the pitchfork in her gloved hand, Nesta cleaned out the stall, ridding it of the dirty hay and shit that littered the stall mat. Next, Nesta grabbed the buckets from the stall, giving the water and food buckets a good rinse both drying them off. On her way back, she grabbed new bedding. She layered the new bedding over the mat, making sure it was rid completely of manure and wet bedding before the new bedding was placed.

Before coming to the ranch, Nesta couldn’t remember the last time she used any of her muscles before her fall. She used to dance on the side, and did it while she drank, but it had been almost a year since she last had the urge to dance at all. The first two weeks were rough, but slowly the settled routine gave her some stamina to flesh out.

It didn’t stop her from breaking a sweat once she finished the first stall. The wheelbarrow wasn’t too full, so Nesta moved along to the next empty stall, when something shiny caught her eye. It was a necklace that hung right outside the stall. Taking a closer look, Nesta’s fingers held it up.

A dog tag.

Usual dog tags had the person’s full name, service number, blood type, and religion, instead this one read something entirely different.

Baby Bat | NCAF | PJ

Confusion scrawled onto Nesta’s features as she touched the custom made dog tag. NCAF was the Night Court Air Force, but nothing came to mind with PJ. Maybe it was their unit? But who was Baby Bat? Her teeth bit her bottom lip as she recalled hearing that Rhysand and Azriel served in the NCAF with Cassian, could this be one of theirs?

But as Nesta looked up she noticed another silver dog tag at a different stall. How did I not notice these before? This one read as:

Bat Jazz | NCAF | PJ

Apparently they were fond of bats in this family..Nesta rolled her eyes as she looked back up, noticing four more tags across different stalls. She tilted her head, thinking.

There’s six tags in here, but the photo in Cassian’s office, including him there was seven. Rhysand and Azriel were not in that photo either. Nesta thought to herself as she tried to piece together a puzzle with half the box missing.

“Hey Nesta.” A voice said behind her.

Nesta immediately jumped up, shock and fear twirling around her spine as she spun around to face the person.

“What the fuck..oh..Azriel..what are you doing?” Her gaze traveled from his face to his hands full carrying a western saddle. The color was a rich dark brown, almost black with the horn at a normal height.

“Not much, just polished my saddle for Singer.” She blinked. It was the first time she saw either of the Valyrian brothers hold horse tack.

“Do you compete?” Nesta nodded to the saddle. “Yes’em.” A draw flowed from his voice. “'You ever learned to ride western?” Nesta snorted. “Of course I did. Just because my focus was on English equestrian didn’t mean I didn’t branch out of it every once in a while.”

She leaned against the stall door. “What do you compete in?” Azriel shrugged. “I do a little of everything at the rodeos. Although I focus mainly on bull riding.”

“You bull ride?” Her jaw dropped, just a fraction. “Sure do. Windhaven is small enough that my record is impressive.” “Which is what, three seconds?”

“Ten seconds actually.”

From what she knew about bull riding, which wasn’t a lot, it was extremely impressive. Her gaze traveled up and down Azriel noting the muscles she never really noticed before in his shoulders and arms. They weren't as thick as Cassian’s but Nesta could tell the muscles were strong. A slight pink dusted on her cheeks as Azriel caught her stare but moved past her, heading to the tack room before returning.

“Who’s Baby Bat?” Nesta asked, pointing to the dog tag. Azriel stopped in his tracks. “A friend of the family.” His tone was melancholic. It seemed that he stared off in the distance, almost looking right through her. Nesta held her tongue, not wanting to take a deep dive today.

“Thank you for today, helping with Gwyn and all.” Nesta commented, changing the subject. At the drop of the ginger’s name, Azriel regained his focus at Nesta. “I should be thanking you actually. I worked with her when she came here last and I generally thought it was normal nerves, but something was off. And my mother raised me to be a respectful gentleman, so I didn’t push.”

“Weren’t you raised by Rhys’ mother?” Nesta asked. He shook his head. “A story for another time.” They stood in silence as they ventured off into awkward territory if neither of them spoke or did something.

“How long have you been into her? Gwyn I mean.”

Azriel startled. “When did I say I was into Gwyn?” “I may be a recovering alcoholic, but I know the laws of attraction, Azriel.” “It’s nothing.” Azriel grumbled.

“You have this look on your face when you’re with her, you know. Growing up I would hear it all of the time by my sister. The Artist’s Gaze.” Nesta rolled her eyes. “You could stare at a work of art for hours and never bore, never stray.” “I’m assuming Feyre was the one to say this, not Elain.” Azriel replied, leaning against one of the box stalls.

Nesta’s stomach twisted. “It was actually Elain. That’s how she would describe Feyre whenever I called home to check on them.” “How do you know, Elain?” She crossed her arms at the mention of her sister. Her words from their last phone call haunted her mind.

“It’s complicated.” Azriel said, dropping his gaze. “It always is with an Archeron.” Nesta mumbled before she looked at her phone, checking the time.

“I need to head out to AA or else I’ll be late, come on.”

Tag List (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed): @chairofchaos @blueunoias @velarisdusk @c-e-d-dreamer @jsmelodies @inkedinshadows @wolfnesta @lilah-asteria @highqueenmorrigan @daughter-of-lethe @isnotwhatyourethinking @acourtofbatboydreams

#WERE BACK BABY!!!#IM BEING NICE NOTHING BAD (PER SAY) HAPPENS HERE #BUT NEXT CHAPTER?#OH YALL BETTER PREPARE #I warn this out of love uwu <3 #Nessian week #nessianweek2024 #nessian fic #nesta archeron #sjm #nessian #acotar #a court thorns and roses #cassian acotar #pro nessian #nessian equestrian au #equestrian au #nessian fanfic #Flying Changes Nessian

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thesecretwriter · 1 year ago

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more than just friends (part 1) - steve rogers.

pairing: Steve Rogers x female reader

warning: angst city, mean!steve rogers, hurtful words, argument between steve and reader, platonic!bucky barnes, features some of the avengers

summary: the reader and steve have a tension between them - even if they're just friends. whenever they are in the company of each other everything feels right. even at the smallest of moments. steve wants the opportunity to love someone. he wants to move on from the 'what ifs?' from his past, but why does it seem so hard? this is where the reader comes in, always there when steve needs to talk or just bask in the silence of each other’s company. she craves to feel a love she has never known. can the man she dreams about provide that for her or is she pinning after a story with no ending.

word count: 2.4k

a/n: this is a rewrite of a fic from a while back. i didn't like how it was, so here ya go, enjoy!

minors/ageless blogs dni.

Masterlists

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5

“Steve, have you seen y/n?” Sam asked as Steve walked into the living room.

“No, how would I know where she is?” Steve asked confused, with a hint of annoyance in his tone.

“What’s going on with you? I just asked a question.” Sam stated perplexed.

Steve was never one to be rude to his friends, regardless of his mood, he was always able to be respectable. However, his mood seemed to be on the downside today.

He ignored Sam and walked to the elevators. As he waited for the elevator, Tony appeared next to him with a small smirk.

“Top of the morning to you, Cap,” he said greeted unnecessarily loudly.

��Tony,” he responded with a stiff nod.

“What’s the plans for today?” He asked.

“Nothing,” Steve answered straightforwardly.

“Okay good. Do you know where y/n is?” he asked, feigning curiosity.

“No. I do not,” he answered muttered.

All Tony did was nod since Steve seemed agitated, which was very rare to see.

“Alright then, I’ll leave you to it. Although if you are looking for her, I suggest looking near the compound grounds,” with nothing else left to say. Steve is left wondering why you could possibly be out there on your own.

He didn’t seem to notice the contradiction behind what Tony said, he asked where you were, but ended up answering his own question.

Steve made his way down and was thinking of asking Bucky to spar with him outside. It seemed like the weather was good, and all he wanted was to take his mind off from today. Sparing would be a good distraction.

“Hey buck, wanna spar outside? The weather seems to be working in our favor,” he asked Bucky who was seemingly playing with his pocketknife.

“Sorry Steve. Kinda busy right now. You could ask y/n though. She’s available today,” he said dismissively.

“I would’ve asked her if I wanted to.” He grunted and started to walk off.

What was wrong with everyone? They kept on mentioning y/n, he thought to himself.

Steve had a good mind of telling everyone to leave him alone, but the curiosity of got the best of him and he found himself walking toward the compound grounds.

After 2 years of exchanging glances and smiles, sharing vulnerable words and subtle touches, you were finally going to tell Steve about how you feel. Anyone with two eyes and a brain can see and sense the feelings that Steve seems to feel towards you.

So, you came clean to the team about what you wanted to do. Being the good support system they were, they helped you to set up a cute little picnic for you and Steve on the compound grounds that has a breathtaking scenery surrounding it.

The difficult part was getting an unsuspecting Steve to your location, but that seemed to work on your behalf since you see Steve heading in your direction.

“Hey,” you say nervously as he gets closer.

“Hi, what’s with the food and picnic setup?” he asked as he glanced behind you to see all the food set out.

“I decided that it was a good morning to have a little picnic, in fact I was hoping for you to join me since I have something to discuss with you,” you rambled on trying to grasp onto the right words while your hands moved around.

The night before had your tummy filled with butterflies. You even practiced what you wanted to say and how you were going to say it.

“Alright, but I have somewhere I need to be in about an hour,” Steve replied, his tone was monotone which was rather unusual of him. He glanced down at his watch and then back up at you.

“It won’t be long,” you smiled and went over to the blanket you had spread out.

Steve sat across from you and took a plum that was within his reach.

It was quiet for a moment before you finally built up the courage to start telling him how you feel.

“You’re a very dear friend of mine and I’m happy to have you be a part of my life. God knows how many times you were there when I needed someone. We’ve shared many moments in the time we have known each other in ways no one else could. You may be Captain America to the world, but to me you’re Steve Rogers. The man who puts everyone before himself and adjusted to living in a new world. There are so many things about you to admire. The moment you and I made eye contact when we were celebrating Peter’s 18th birthday made me realize how I feel about you. Every moment I spend with you, I fall deeper,”

Your heart rate had spiked up since the moment you started talking. Your eyes never left Steve’s; he could see the emotion in your eyes as every word left your lips.

A moment of silence passed through the atmosphere around you.

Steve woke up from where he was sat and began to walk away from you, not even looking back.

It happened so fast that you only took a deep breath in after his figure faded into the distance.

You suddenly felt a drop on your hand that was settled on your lap. It was your tears. One by one, the tears began to roll down your cheeks.

Everything hit you at once and the negative thoughts started, how could you even think that he could feel the same? Steve Rogers, who had encountered so many people that did more than you could ever dream of.

But then again everyone around you were so sure that he felt the same, were they wrong? All of them?

You sat there alone and staggered with your thoughts – time moved around you and you didn’t know how long it took, but you eventually gathered the food and other items and walked toward the compound hoping to not see anyone on your way up to your room. You couldn’t bear to have them see you like this.

Once you were in your room, you collapsed on your bed and sobbed to your hearts content. Only one thought was on your mind.

His words would’ve been better than his silence.

Hours passed, and by now it was dark outside.

“Steven Grant Rogers, who gave you the audacity to act the way you did with y/n?” Bucky’s voice boomed through the empty living room as Steve arrived back at the compound after spending the whole day away and Bucky had been sitting and waiting for him.

“What now Buck? I had a rough day and would like to spend the night peacefully in my room,” Steve complained as he glared at his metal armed friend.

“Rough day? You have some nerve acting like that after what happened between you and y/n?” Bucky questioned growing annoyed.

“It’s none of your business,” Steve stiffened knowing that by now every one of the avengers knew what happened.

Upon your lack of presence the whole day, Bucky sought you out to see how the picnic had panned out, you had given him the rundown version of what happened, and to say he was disappointed and angered towards Steve would be an understatement.

“None of my business? Funny how you say that after talking to me about her the way you do. In all our years of friendship, I have never heard you speak about anyone the way you spoke about her. She finally got the courage to express how she felt and all you did was walk away?” Bucky was on the verge of throwing the nearest object at Steve.

Steve spent hours talking about what an admirable woman you are and how the smallest things you did made his heart skip a beat. Where were those words now? What changed how he felt? If anything, he should be happy that you reciprocated the way he felt towards you.

“Today is just not the day for that, and I don’t want to deal with her overexaggerating,” he said with anger.

“Where is all this even coming from? And what day could it possibly be that you would act this way-“

“It’s the damn day I first met Peggy, okay!” Steve shouted.

A silence fell upon the two super soldiers.

“The day you met her-…Steve that is the silliest thing that has ever come from you. I would understand if it were the day she died, but this? The day you met her? Peggy lived a full life with a man she loved, she had children and experienced life till the end. You have someone who is more than willing to give you the same, and you disregard her because it is the day you met Peggy?”

Bucky stared at Steve with a look of shock, the man standing before him was unrecognizable to him.

Steve remains quiet.

Yes, he did have someone who he can have a life with, but to him Peggy was it. She saw him for who he really was. Had he not gone under ice he would have been the man to give Peggy the life she deserved. At least that’s how he felt whenever his thoughts strayed to the past.

He ignores Bucky’s stare and makes his way to your room. In his mind, his best friend would not have spoken to him like that if you did not open your mouth to them. This is all your fault, or at least in his eyes it was.

Once in front of your door, he angrily knocked on it, waiting for you to open the door.

“It is 9 freaking pm, whoever is behind this door better have a good reason to be knocking on it,” he heard you mutter.

“Oh, I have a very good reason,” he grits as you open the door and stand looking at him astounded.

“Wha-… Steve, where were you? I haven’t seen you since the morning,” you inquire, completely forgetting about how he made you feel and concentrating on whether he was okay from the way he looked so angered.

“Where I go and what I do is none of your business, but since you can’t seem to keep your mouth shut. I was at Peggy’s grave the entire day,” you stared at him with your mouth agape, he had never spoken to you with such a venomous tone.

“… and if you would’ve kept your mouth shut, then I wouldn’t have my best friend blowing up in my face and arguing with me the minute I step in. Can you ever keep things to yourself?” he asked annoyed.

By now you had processed every word you said.

“Steve, I would never say anything to cause an argument between you and Bucky. Whatever happened this morning did hurt me, I confessed my feelings to you, and you just left. But Bucky and the rest of the team were the ones to convince me to even talk to you about it. Had I known what day it was I would’ve never done anything,” you kept your tone calm and collected. Although Steve had never spoken to you like this, you would never hold this against him.

Today was a meaningful day for him, and like you said, had you known what day it was you would have never even planned the picnic.

“Is that so? Because if I recall you were the one to orchestrate the whole plan. Sure, the others may have pushed me in your direction, but you played the bigger part in it,” he said recalling how everyone basically made him find you this morning.

“I’m going to ignore every word you say because I know you’re only saying it out of anger. You can speak to me when you have calmed down and collected your thoughts, because clearly this is not the Steve that I know talking,” you said this looking him straight in the eyes and meaning every word that left your lips.

It is unfortunate to say, but there were many times where you fell victim to being the target of many people’s anger. Although you knew they would never say these words in the right state of mind, it still hurt to endure hearing them from people you care about, and right now hearing it from the man you love was slowly tearing your heart apart.

“You think you know me so well. Sure, I come to you when I need someone but that is only because you were just there, always waiting. Doing nothing else but waiting. You think I want to come to you? The only reason I even make my way to you is because Peggy is not here. If she were here, you wouldn’t even be an option,”

Each word to you was a knife to the heart and a pinch at your soul.

Tears made their way down your face, your knees felt weak, with your heart beating too fast. His words had struck a nerve, and to you, they may have held some form of honesty in them.

“You don’t think I know that? I stay at your side knowing that I will never be good enough. That I will never be her, yet I still stayed when you needed me, just hoping that somewhere in that heart of yours you would find a way to love me... No more now, no more will I put your feelings before mine. I stand by what I said before, but your words hurt too much to ignore. Goodnight Captain,”

With that being said you close the door and lock it, falling to the floor and bringing your knees to your chest.

You heart was officially done.

#steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers angst #steve rogers x you #steve roger x y/n #steve rogers x reader #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #angst

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beanghostprincess · 1 year ago

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Tbh I don’t even need Shanks or Buggy to be pining 100 percent of the time, I’ll gladly would read a fic or thing where they both have moved on (for the most part because Buggy hasn’t ever been normal about Shanks ever as evidence by the earlier at chapters he ever even appeared in. Nobody who’s moved on gets flashbacks to the time a guy made you eat a fruit) but Shanks sees the opportunity to at least… talk to his old crewmate and takes it. They used to best friends after all. Just curious to see what Buggy’s been doing is all. And Buggy is just in a position where drinking with isn’t the worst he could do that day so he accepts the invitation. None of them have been “pining” for the other really. They never even really expected to run into each other like this again.

… and all it takes is five minutes of Shanks listening to Buggy rambling to remember that little crush he had on him as a child and it takes an hour for him to suddenly realize “…. Oh fuck. The feelings back. Or it never left and was just behind a layer of time that now has been pulled away. The exact same feeling. Fuck. Turns out it wasn’t even a “little crush” either. Shit. Gonna drink myself into a stupor.”

And it doesn’t even take half an hour for Buggy to suddenly remember why the idea of going for the One Piece with Shanks seemed like at least a feasible idea at one point before Shanks managed to destroy Buggy’s image of him as a shining Star so thoroughly, because Shanks has put his remaining arm around him and is laughing and there’s just this charisma dripping of him and Buggy remembers that Shanks looked kinda cute back in the day with just the slightest amount of baby fat still in his cheeks but now he’s fucking STUNNING and god why is he wondering about the “what ifs” and “what could have beens” NOW? He hasn’t questioned his choice to leave that fool standing in the rain for DECADES why is - Fuck it! Gonna drink himself into a stupor.

New dynamic dropped: “We used to be over each over but now we had one good night out that made us question everything and none of us can be normal about it for five minutes”

You literally read my mind completely with this. I am obsessed with this concept because it's, for me, the closest to their canon dynamic and characters. They're still very important to each other and seeing the other brings back both good and bad memories. Their relationship is extremely complex and full of love covered in layers and layers of years without each other and new experiences. And I'm 100% sure they constantly ask themselves what could've been or what would have happened if they had stayed together. Chapter 1082 of the manga (why the hell do I know the number? Don't ask. I am not obsessed and it's not like I reread that chapter every day) confirms that. They make me go insane. I wish I could say more about it but you've said everything on my mind???? Thank you.

#they're so silly hahahaha *cries*#they make me sob #one piece #buggy the clown #red haired shanks #shuggy

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bookished · 1 year ago

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Can I kindly request dialogue prompts for mutual suffering heart break ❤️‍🩹

MUTUAL SUFFERING HEARTBREAK PROMPTS

feel free to make edits to better suit your muse, but please don’t edit or add on to the original post ♡ tag me when you use any!

"We're both shattered, and I wish I could mend your broken pieces, but I don't know how to fix myself either."

"It's like we burned too bright, and now we're both left in the ashes."

"I wish I could turn back time and save us from all this pain."

"We both have our reasons for breaking each other's hearts, but I can't help but miss you."

"I miss you too, even though I know we're both better off apart."

"I know the feeling. It's like we've ruined each other for anyone else."

"I often wonder where we went wrong, how we ended up here."

"It's strange how our love story turned into a tragedy."

"We had dreams, plans... and now they're just broken pieces of what could have been."

"Our future together crumbled into what-ifs and maybes."

"Our harmony turned into dissonance, and I miss the music we once made."

"I thought time would heal our wounds, but it's only made the scars deeper."

"Time has this cruel way of making us remember what we're trying to forget."

"Your absence haunts me, even in the moments when I wish I could forget."

"Sometimes I imagine parallel universes where we got our happy ending."

"I wish we could have found a way to save us, to rewrite our story."

"We were so sure we'd be the exception, but we became the rule, another story of heartbreak."

"I never thought I'd say this, but I miss the pain of loving you more than the emptiness without you."

"The pain was a reminder that I was alive, that we were something."

"Maybe one day, we'll look back on this and it won't hurt as much."

Did you find this useful? Please, consider sending me feedback or buying me a coffee. If you would like to request something (either advice or a piece of a story) for me to write it, go and message me. Also, if you'd like, you can check my masterlist. Happy writing!

#prompts #dialogue prompts #uservolkova #dialogue prompt #story prompts #writing prompts #writing prompt #fanfic prompt #prompt list #romance prompts #heartbreak prompts

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clone-anon · 8 months ago

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Hello! You are an absolute angel, your stories are so lovely and many of them have moved me to tears <3

I know it's a bit dark but I was wondering if you could do a Tech x f!reader where the reader is struggling with passive suicidal ideation (suicidal thoughts with no intent to act upon them) and feeling trapped inside her mind. Reader is touch starved and maybe Tech is too and they both find safety holding each other.

No worries if you can't do it! Thanks for making so many peoples' day including mine <3

Thank you! I'm glad you like my writing and decided to prioritize this since it's such a heavy topic.

Warnings: ongoing passive suicidal ideation mentioned, one moment of suicidal ideation involving a ledge with no intention to act

A/N: The squad is all back together again, but there is no mention of how. We don't need to know how right now, just that they're together. Also, I think this could be read as gender neutral reader.

Although Tech was not as demonstrative with his physical expressions in the same way Wrecker was, he would sometimes reach out and touch your shoulder or arm in a supportive way. He was not entirely sure of the line, but you always seemed to lean into his hand enough to let him know the feeling was welcome. You had all been looking for some place to lay low for the time being. A lot had happened and you did not want to lose each other. The squad was whole and you all wanted it to stay that way.

One evening on a forested moon you sat under the stars. There was a bit of a ledge not far from where the ship was parked and the campfire set up. Everyone was inside at the moment and you simply stared. It wasn't a far drop. Your mind fell into the trap of thinking what-ifs. You wrapped your arms around your shoulders and tried to shudder the thought away as Tech approached. He sat next to you and tried to read your expression.

"What is it?" he asked.

You looked down at your hands and took a calming breath as his warm presence settled next to you.

"Nothing," you replied.

"It's not nothing," he insisted softer than you'd ever heard him. "Tell me."

"I keep having these thoughts. Do you know what suicidal ideation is?"

Eyes wide he answered, "Of course I do, but what is the reason for this? How can I help?" His arms encircled you, although loosely, as his eyes followed yours to the ledge.

"It's passive, Tech. I won't do it. These thoughts come to mind and I can't seem to stop them or turn them off."

"Promise me you will come to me before acting on anything," he replied.

"I just said I won't do it," you said as your expression vulnerable expression pleaded for understanding.

"I know." He looked at you and nodded. "However, I won't have you experience this alone and I won't take chances."

You looked up at him and his arms seemed to hold you just a little more snugly. Your own snaked around his torso and you leaned into him. His embrace seemed to clear out the thoughts you had only moments ago.

"Breathe with me," he suggested. Your chests rose and fell in rhythm and you felt grounded in each other. It was soothing for him just as much as it was for you and you felt like your mind was more your own than it was just moments before.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" you asked.

"Of course. I'll stay with you every night if that is what it takes."

You stood up and he put out the fire before putting a hand on your back and walking onto the ship with you. You got settled into your bunk and he brought his pillow, laying so that you were between him and the wall. You leaned into each other and loosely left an arm around the other's waist.

"Promise me," he softly requested again.

"I promise I'll come to you."

"Good. I can't lose you."

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead to yours. In the quiet of the ship you fell asleep together.

#tech x reader #tech x gn reader #tech x f reader #tbb tech #the bad batch #tbb #tbb fanfiction #the bad batch fanfiction #tbb tech x reader #reader insert #tech #suicidal ideation #passive suicidal ideation #tw suicidal ideation #cw suicidal ideation #tw passive suicidal ideation #cw passive suicidal ideation

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sofiiel · 1 year ago

Text

Cryptid!Eddie x Reader | PART SIX

⇠ Part 1 | Part 5 | Next ⇢

Warnings: None that I can *think* of. Proofread from phone :') I'm still waiting on my new glasses, so I probably missed more than usual. I am sorry.

A/n: there will be a short for this chapter eventually explaining what happened when Eddie snuck out. Just for the POV change.

Eddie climbed back into the window and was greeted with the clearing of your throat and the unamused "Mrow" of Toad.

You clap your hands to turn the lights on in shock Eddie lost his footing falling flat onto the carpet, his blanket safely tucked under his arm.

You watched him lay there, eyes shut tight and face burning red.

"I heard your bell when you left, you know." You mutter flatly.

Getting up, you go over to him and cross your arms. "You can give me a heads-up if you're going out, just let me know ifs not because you've gone into 'munch crunch' mode." you sighed.

Eddie peeked up at you with one eye, "Noted, sorry. You were just sleeping so good." he said.

Sitting up and crossing his legs, Eddie looked down at the blanket in his lap. He petted it with satisfaction.

"I left this...." He said, fighting the smile on this face.

The air is pushed from your lungs as you glance down to find the old worm blanket. You are unable to fight your smile and exhale in defeat.

Eddie looked up at you with a sheepish grin.

"Your tail is hanging out the window still, by the way." you murmur, heading back to bed and clapping off the lights.

The next morning, you've got a pen lock between your teeth as you look over the many orders you've scrawled down on a note paper. It was the largest to-go order you'd received in your life.

Lucas came bouncing in through the door on his lunch break.

"I dropped off the goodie-basket at Wayne's." He said with a chuckle.

"Oh, how'd that go?" you asked.

He gave a shrug, "He didn't know what to make of it. I think he's assume it's still Dustin's mom."

You smiled a bit, "Wait til he finds out who's really having them sent." you said, glancing up towards the ceiling.

"Hey, ____ if you want to go check on things, I can cover for your lunch break now." Robin offered.

"Thanks, I'll be right back." you hummed, heading for the lift.

Eddie stood in the center of the living room, frowning at his flooded pants. Visibly sulking.

"They're a little short." You commented.

"A little? They might as well BE shorts..." He muttered.

With one leg, he lifted a foot and used its talons to scratch at his ankle.

"Stop that!" you called out.

"Huh? Oh!" Eddie gasped, placing his foot back on the floor.

He looked down at the torn bandages, "sorry, it itches like a bitch." he muttered.

You sighed, "I came to see how the clothes that Steve brought you fit and if you were hungry."

Eddie walked to his place on the sofa and threw his blanket over his head. Snatching up the remote and a jar of peanuts, Gareth brought him.

He held a contented smile, "I'm just fine." he said.

"Well, Jeff told me you like DnD, There's paper in the old trunk at the foot of my bed. You can get it out from there if you'd like." You mention.

Eddie's eyes sparkled, "Wait, why would I need paper?" he asked, but he could already feel the answer.

"For a campaign, I told them you could host one down in the shop. Providing all the curtains remain drawn and doors are locked."

Eddie beamed and opened his mouth, but you instantly pointed at him.

"If you call me-"

Eddie laughed, "I wasn't, I was going to say you're like a patron god. I'm just wondering when I'll need to hold up my half of the deal."

"Patron what?" you asked.

"It's a Dnd th- never mind. Just, thanks....again." He said.

"Mhmm, I've getting free labor out of it so," you teased, offering a few scratches to Toad before heading into your kitchen to make a lunch.

Eddie eyeballed you.

"I thought you weren't hungry?" you asked.

"You didn't say anything about sandwiches." he spoke quickly.

You held up the head of lettuce, "Alright, I'll make you one, but you have to chop this"

Eddie smirked a flexed his claws, "easy." he said, chest a little puffed.

You laughed softly at the amount of pride that dripped from his voice. "You cut a few apples, and you're king of the world?" you asked while Eddie washed hi hands.

He smiled down into the sink, of which his hands barely fit, "You don't know how long I've been useless for anything besides killing things." he said.

There was a moment when his voice fell quiet, Eddie watching the water run across his skin.

Unable to take the melancholy on his face, you gently bumped your shoulder into his side, causing Eddie to sway.

His eyes flickered to you, "Do you think I'll be able to pick up the guitar again. Like, honestly?" He asked, the question laced with a sort of fear.

"Music is important to you, isn't it?" You asked him.

Eddie gave a shaken smile, "You have no idea."

"Then, yes. I do. Something tell's me you're... ah, very headstrong." you tell him.

Eddie chuckled and took the lettuce from your hands, by stabbing a claw into it. "You mean hardheaded." he laughed.

"My way sounds more flattering. Don't you think?"

"It does. You know, If you're right. When I finally take the stage again. I'll play you a song." said Eddie.

"Hold on, I don't even know if you're any good!" you teased.

Eddie froze, "We're the best." he shot without a second, missed.

You stuck out your tongue, "You'll have to prove it."

With ____ back downstairs at work, Eddie decided to see if he could find the paper in the trunk.

Though, he wasn't one hundred percent sure on how he was going to handle a pen.

"Face that battle when it gets here." he told himself, opening the trunk and diving in.

It was jammed packed full of random items.

"It's a wonder ____ can find anything in here." He muttered, diving in deeper. Betting that a paper was crumpled to hell and back.

If the objects inside hand't looked so well taken care of, he might have considered this something of a junk drawer.

Finally, Eddie could see the paper, surprisingly uncrumpled. But on top of it, rested a clay sculpture. It wasn't very good, in fact if it hadn't been for the smiling faces carved in, it would have been lost that if was two people.

Next to it, a ring of faded silver topped with a colorful stone.

Eddie tried to take just the paper, though the two strange object kept drawing his gaze. He felt like a magpie asked to ignore a glittering trinket.

Taking up the paper, Eddie went to close the trunk.

"Those little faces are looking at you." he muttered.

"____ said you could go in the trunk, can't be bad if I just take a closer look." Eddie thought, dropping the paper on the ground and digging back in.

Eddie slipped the ring onto his claw and wrapped his tail around the sculpture.

"Trust you more than my own hands." he said to his tail, before taking his paper and going back to the sofa.

Eddie settled down comfortably and turned over the Sculpture, taking care to hold it over his lap in case his hands decided to drop it.

Underneath the chipped green paint of the sculpture base, names were carved in. the worn jagged grooves spelling out "From Elias for ____."

"Your brother made this for you..." Eddie murmured to ____.

He suddenly felt as if he'd violated some sacred thing just by holding it within in claws.

Eddie examined the sculpture carefully, one of the figures looked as if the artist had no desire to shape it, while the other showed some effort.

He frowned, "He didn't care very much about himself, did he? But you did." Eddie thought.

From the corner of is eye, Eddie noticed the colorful stone in the ring slowly change color around his claw.

"Oh" two voices sighed in surprise.

Eddie glanced up quickly, hugging the sculpture to his body to ensure it wouldn't fall as he jumped.

Your eyes lingered on the stone, even from a distance you could spot the colors turning slowly, undecided in its emotions.

"You found Elias' sculpture." you said, going to join Eddie on the sofa.

He studied your reaction, "um...sorry if I wasn't supposed to, well, you know." Eddie said.

"No, it's fine, I have lots of them. Elias liked to making things." you shrugged.

Reaching out, you let your finger tap the stone on the ring.

"I don't think this works very well." Eddie stated, "though it's not exactly on my finger."

"It works, there's just no color to match what you're feeling." you explained, letting your eyes wander up to meet his.

"They don't have a color for when you're sad."

Eddie inhaled, his lips parting slightly, unable to admit or deny if he was or not. His eyes simply slipped back to the sculpture.

"If it's for either Elias or me, you shouldn't be. He did what would make him happy, and he left me his lifetime of mementos and memories." You managed with a smile.

Eddie looked at you, quiet, for a long time before his large hand plopped on top of your head. His claws curled down over your forehead, the tips visible as you peered upward.

A wide smirk spread across your face and your eyes narrowed, quite pleased, moving to look at Eddie.

"W-why are you looking at me like that?" He questioned.

"That level of smug is....terrifying." Eddie muttered.

"Do I tell him? Do I let him know?" you questioned yourself inwardly.

For the second time, he'd allowed himself to touch someone without pause or instant dread. Once with his bandmates and just now.

"It'd ruin it. If you say something, he will be aware of it." you tell yourself.

"No reason." you answered briskly.

Eddie tilted his head, "oh there's a reason, there has to be." He pushed.

It was hard not to grin, he'd never realize he was his own answer.

"Anyway, I came because we're out of receipt paper and I need to get to my trunk to get a fresh roll." you said.

Eddie's eyes narrowed his time, "Nice try, don't change the- hey wait!" He stood up to make chase as he got up, slipped out from under his hand and walked away.

Pausing in his steps, Eddie concentrated on setting down your brother's items with care, then scurrying off after you. Earning himself a lazy swipe from Toad's paw in passing.

The end of the day was welcomed with the relaxed company of Eddie's friends, gathered down in the shop. The settled into the chair surrounding the fire.

Eddie falling right into place as if he'd forgotten what he'd become, if only for a moment.

You returned with a tray full of warm drinks, setting them down and going to leave the little party to themselves.

Eddie watched you head for the front door, pulling on your coat and gathering your keys. He fought the urge to frown and failed.

"Where are you going?" he called out to you, peering around Jeff.

"I'm just leaving you guys to it," you said, pulling a small envelope out of your coat pocket. "I need to mail this out as well. I won't be long."

"You don't have to leave." Eddie spoke quickly.

Gareth, Jeff and Grant glanced at each other.

"Right? Come join us! This is your place." Jeff laughed.

You smiled as Gareth moved over to make room for you.

"Thanks, but really, I need to get this out. Otherwise, I'll forget." you said.

Eddie heaved a sulking sigh, "ok." he said, fidgeting with his fingers as he cast nervous eyes towards the guys.

"We'll stay until ____, gets back. Don't look so scared, man." Gareth teased.

Eddie's expression fell into an intense stare, "That thing is still out there." He warned you.

"Oh, I am well aware. But what are the odds it ventures this far into town?" You asked.

"I did." Eddie answered.

"You two are hardly the same, that thing had nothing human left about it." you reasoned.

"Maybe it did once, what you should say is-"

Your insistent smile cut Eddie's words off, "I'll keep an eye out." you said.

"I'll walk with them there." Grant offered.

"Not that I am any good against monsters, but I think ____ is right. You're worrying over nothing. I need to head home and check on the munchkin's anyway." He added.

"See, now it's two again one." You chimed. You flashed Grant a thankful smile as he took up his keys and jacket.

"This way you don't have to walk either." Grant said.

The boys bid their goodbyes to Grant and the two of you stepped out the door.

The car side was quiet, Grant was shier than you'd expected compared with how he acted around his friends.

But the music from the CD he'd popped in kept you well enough company, as did the streetlights.

"Thank you for what you're doing for Eddie." He finally spoke up.

"If we could have we would have taken him in but. I have kids, I hate to say it, but he'd scare them half to death." said Grant.

"Jeff and Gareth room together but the landlords, strict, wouldn't let them so much a keep a pet snake. Hiding Eddie would be hard." he continued with a sigh, "and Eddie's still too scared to show himself to Wayne..."

You gave a nod, "You don't have to thank me. I didn't have any friends here, or family. Eddie's a bit of a riot. It's less lonely. And Now I've got extra help around the shop after hours." You said.

"Well, I've only ever seen him let down his guard this much with Wayne." Grant chuckled

"You can feel pretty safe with anyone crazy enough to welcome the thing that goes bump in the night into their home."

"Yeah, he thinks you're nuts." Grant laughed.

"He makes that known as much as possible, I see."

"Eddie also is clearly impressed. You might be crazy, but that takes guts." said Grant.

"Well, a life knee-deep in a government family finally came in handy." you murmured, glancing down at the envelope in your lap.

"Sorry, what was that?" Grant asked.

"Oh, nothing," you hummed.

The car came to a stop before the delivery box outside the post office. You rolled down the window and slipped the envelope inside.

"Thanks for this." You said to Grant.

"Anytime."

By the time the guys left, they'd worn Eddie out. It'd been a long time since he'd had so much social interaction. You shook your head at him as he slept on the sofa, one legs dangling off, his blanket hooked into his elbow.

"Clonked right out in the middle of talking." you giggled inwardly.

Quietly, you try your best not to disturb him when you slip the blanket away. Shaking it open to cover him up.

While pulling the blanket over his shoulders, Eddie's eyes fluttered open. Clouded a milky white that sent shivers across your body.

"That's not good." you thought, afraid to move.

Eddie's gaze fixed not on you but through you. As you stood stunned, his tail snuck around your waist, drawing a cry out of you when it lifted your frame into the air.

"This shouldn't be possible!" you shouted, gripping his tail.

"Eddie wake up!"

Yet, he simply closed his eyes and turned over, snuggling into his pillow.

"No, Eddie! Damn it!" you shouted, ducking to keep your head from hitting the ceiling.

Toad's head swayed as she followed your movements, watching you bob about in the air. Her eyes large, unsure of what was going on. Were the two of you playing? Because it certainly did not look like fun.

"T-Toad, wake him up!" you called.

Eddie began to murmur and you fell silent.

"We're making it out...... together. I won't....not this time."

"A memory? Or a dream?" You mutter. Giving up the struggle, you hope that he will continue.

Though, you're left with the breeze through the window and the distant chirp of crickets.

Without warning, Eddie slung his tail. You fold your arms over your head to stop the impact of the ceiling.

"Wait!" Eddie called out.

"My thoughts exactly! Eddie, Wake up!" You shouted, being trashed about.

"You're home! Sleeping, safe and sound. Remember? Your band visited today!"

Slowly Eddie began to lower you, as you drop to the floor the room spun if only a little. Feeling as though you'd just stepped off a boat.

You propped yourself against the coffee table with a groan.

"Holy shit, how many muscles are in that tail?" you thought, watching as it curled around him.

Eddie'd finally settled back to sleep.

Getting up after taking time to recover, you retreat to your bed, pulling out a notebook. You pencil down the date, what you'd heard of his dream and his reactions to it.

"If I collect these for a few days, Eddie and the Others can try to piece together what happened to him." you reasoned with yourself.

"Though I will need to be more care from here on." you sighed, rubbing your neck. As if your shoulder pain wasn't enough.

A week went by faster than you would have thought. The morning routine unfolding as it had for the past several days. You woke up first, Eddie'd set the hot water kettle before nodding off and cocooning into his favorite worn blanket.

Which left you to throw together breakfast before the start of your day. You'd watch cartoons and then head down to work.

However, this morning as you flipped on the TV, you nearly spit out your morning beverage. Nearly, instead, the piping hot drink gulped down and scorched your throat.

"EDDIE!" you yelped, voice raspy, rushing towards the screen.

It was only a silhouette, but it was an unmistakable one.

Eddie turned over, his back facing the rest of the room, murmuring in his sleep, "I rolled a twelve...that's bullshit."

Your mouth fell open, the newscaster's voice sounding like static through your astonished ears. Your eyes following the shadow in the grainy video.

"Eddie, wake up! Right. Now."

He groaned and rolled over, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Where's the fire?" he asked through a yawn, his six fangs glinting in the sunlight through the window.

You point to the screen, stepping out of his way to give him a clear view.

"Look familiar?" you asked.

Eddie blinked, his eyes shifting between the shadow and the thing it carried in its talons.

"Is that-"

"Uh huh, you and your blankie." You said quickly, "you and your blankie! Eddie!"

"Do you have to call it that?" Eddie murmured, face flush.

"Also, no one will believe that, the video's all fuzzy. Besides, I thought it was late enough..." He muttered.

You turn to face the TV once more, biting lightly on your knuckle.

"Someone will. After all, somebody said the same thing about Big Foot, Mothman, Nessie, Chupacabras, Baba Yaga, aliens..." You counted on your fingers, "and people hunt for them in droves."

Eddie sat up slowly, his elbows resting on his thighs, "yeah, but Halloween is a month away. They'll chalk it up to some pranksters having fun." he reasoned.

You watched as the footage replayed over and over. The newscasters giggled amongst each other. But that did little for the sour feeling in your gut.

"Maybe..." you murmured.

"It took this long for someone to show it, right? It was probably hard for them to find a channel willing to." Eddie said.

Something scrapped across your shoulder, your body pushed forward slightly. Eddie chuckled, his eyes crinkling into an apologetic smile while he peered down at you.

"Sorry, um tripped." he admitted, looking down at his toes.

"Don't worry so much, we're being careful. If I've made it this long, I'm good." Eddie said.

"But you've relaxed. Yes, that's a good thing, but it means you're not on your toes as much." you thought, watching him reach into the linen cabinet and pull free a towel.

"I call first dibs." He whistled, closing the bathroom door behind him.

The shop door chimed and in strolled, what was becoming a familiar face.

"Hello, Mr.Munson. The usual?" You asked.

He offered you a small, tired smile as he nodded. "Am I still getting those baskets?" he questioned.

"Yep, I set it on the table near the fireplace. It rained this morning, seems it got colder. Warm yourself up a bit before heading into work." You offered.

"Hey, Wayne!" Lucas called happily, passing the man his sports paper.

From the counter, you lingered as observed Eddie's uncle. The poor man just seemed permanently exhausted.

"It's been a week, Eddie seems stable enough to be able to meet up with the man. I don't see the harm if it's early and not at night." You thought, making your way back to the kitchen.

"Then again, he works nights so, he'll be asleep in the morning...and Eddie likely will too. Go figure they'd both be nocturnal." you sighed.

"Still worrying over Wayne?" Robin asked.

"Eddie's got stories about Wayne for days. He'll be ruined if something happens to him, or he falls ill again before He gets the chance to see him face to face." you said.

"Ask Eddie if he's up to trying." Robin shrugged.

"I might have one of the guys bring it up to him. Honestly? I'm not entirely sure it's my place to push to hard. He's doing better now with all of you." You sighed.

"While that might be true. You and I both know he'd be over the moon if he could see his uncle face to face again." she said.

"Are you kidding, He'd be crying, Wayne'd be crying and all of us eavesdropping? We would be crying." Lucas spoke as he made his way through the kitchens.

"We have an order for that orange smoothie thing." he added.

"Oooh the Jack-o-lantern mango smoothie? I've got it, that's a fun one." Robin said, hurrying off towards the blinder.

"You just like showing off with the shaker!" Lucas called after her.

You shook your head, "I'm going to see how Mr. Wayne is doing." you said.

"You know I've seen some of everything the years I spent truckin" Wayne murmured with a shake of his head. He'd heard you draw nearer.

Tired or not, the old man was sharp.

"You were a trucker?" You asked him pulling up a chair.

"For ten years jus' about." he said with some pride. In his eyes, you could tell he had fun doing it. It was the same glint Eddie got when he mentioned anything he was particularly fond of.

Wayne held out his paper, showing a grayscale image of the footage shown on TV that morning.

"Nobody will believe it, he said. Pranksters, he said." you thought with a roll of your eyes.

"Folk shouldn't just laugh these things off. Halloween today s'based off a sacred holiday. All legends can't be false. The thing people forget about f tales is that there's always some truth in 'em." Wayne reasoned.

"But a winged, tailed man?" You questioned in a jittered chuckle.

Wayne fixed his gaze on you, and you knew you'd failed at being convincing.

"You believe in it." He said, turning back to the paper.

"Knew a guy, said he spotted a creature one night. He'd pulled over after nearly sixteen hours of drivin' none stop. In the pitch black, in the middle of nowhere. Sure, he wasn't the most honest man I'd ever known, but." Wayne's voice fell into a gravely, deep lull, and you found yourself leaning in like a child around the campfire.

"The fear that took over his face, six foot five giant of a man that he was, while he explained what it was he saw." Wayne nodded to you.

"A person's eyes can tell you everything. Some things you see, they dig in deep and they stay there. When he said he saw a seven-foot faceless critter, not man or beast. You could only believe 'im. If only for that look in his eyes."

You sat in silence, blinking several times.

"But this is Hawkins, and lord knows we got enough idiot kids bored enough to pull something like this." Wayne grunted, rolling up his paper.

You shook yourself away from the memory of the Monster you'd come in contact with in the cornfields.

Your eyes followed Wayne as he stood and collected his basket.

"You have a good one." He said leaving a tip on the side table.

Your mouth struggled to make words, fighting between blurting out that you knew where his nephew was, and that you did in fact believe the new story.

Wayne held open the door for the young lady who'd ordered the Jack-o-lantern mango smoothie, and you called to him just before he could step out the door himself.

"Mr. Munson!"

He paused, looking over his shoulder.

Robin shot you a warning glance.

"right, not yet." you thought, swallowing back the urge to come clean.

"You be careful getting home for early in the morning. You're right about this time of year. You know." You said.

He smiled at you, "well shoot, didn't mean to scare you. You take care now." with that, Wayne stepped out the shop.

Exhaling, you looked to Robin.

"What was all that about?" She asked you.

"Haven't you seen the-"

"Where is he! Where is he, I'm gonna kill him for real!"

A voice boomed in a strained, choked up shout.

You jumped as the front door slammed.

"Dustin?" Lucas questioned, rushing out of the kitchen armed with a pan.

"Lucas!" Dustin called. "Where's the idiot! I demand to see him!" he shouted.

"Henderson?" You asked carefully.

Dustin turned to you, simmering down, his face slacking a little as he looked you over. Trying to figure out if he'd known you.

"You don't know them, that's ____." Robin explained.

Lucas rushed to the door, flipping the sign for "Open" to "Closed" before locking up.

"How was your visit with-"

"Shhh!" Dustin hushed, "don't change the subject. Where is he?" He asked again.

The Lift dinged, and the doors opened.

"Jesus, Dustin, they could hear you on Mars." Eddie spoke. His words carrying more confidence than they had been while revealing himself to the band.

"I think you've been rehearsing what this day would be like." You thought, watching over the scene.

"Eddie?" Dustin questioned quietly, arms falling to his side.

"Well, you listen well enough, haven't changed a bit - hairs a little longer." Eddie commented. Trying his best to crack a half smile.

Though, that smile vanished as the twenty something-year-old rushed forward like the freshman he once was and latched his arms around Eddie.

"You son of a bitch!" Dustin muffled face buried in the hug.

Eddie chuckled and returned the hug, batting away the water in his eyes. "You're still short, man." He teased.

"You son of a bitch..." Dustin repeated.

"Shut up or going to make me cry too, Henderson." Eddie warned.

"Um, it's kind of too late for that." Robin said.

Dustin stepped back, "You're...you're part demobat..." he exhaled, looking Eddie over.

"Tail and everything!" he nearly shouted.

"Be careful, that tail is dangerous." You jumped in.

Eddie blushed, "That was an accident, I was sleeping." He said in his own defense.

"You nearly flung ____ into the ceiling." said Lucas.

"Dustin, ____. ____, Dustin." Eddie introduced.

"So you're the one who found him?" Dustin asked you.

You simply nodded, "well that's currently in debate, I say it's like we ran into each other."

"Doesn't matter, you just stepped into a whole world of shit." Dustin said quickly.

"Wasn't expecting that reaction..." you thought.

"Has anyone told El?" Dustin asked.

Lucas and Robin simply shook their heads.

"Hopper?" Dustin tried again.

"He's on vacation with Joyce, Vow renewals and all that." said Lucas.

Dustin deflated, "So?" he lulled expectantly.

"We have us here, the band, Steve and... Mr. Clarke's working on guitar strings for Eddie." Robin replied.

"But he doesn't know they're for Eddie, or monster Eddie." Lucas added.

Dustin's dead pan stare said more than he could voice.

"Um, we might have Nancy and Erica soon." Lucas peeped.

"You're lucky I'm back early." Dustin sighed.

Taglist:

@bibieddiesgf @eddiesgirlforever @ilovetaquitosmmmm @cherrycolas-things @fan-girl-97 @obsessivelycraftygothfandomwitch

I think that was everybody who asked? I'm sorry if I missed you - shout at me, I'll fix it next chapter.

⇠ Part 1 | Part 5 | Next ⇢

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #cryptid!eddie x reader #demo!eddie x reader #eddie fic #sofiiel cryptid!fic #no reader physical descriptors #no use of y/n #eddie munson fic

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darkfictionjude · 4 months ago

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Personally, I'm always happy to see poly options in IFs. There's not a lot of representation for us out there (though in the IF Community, it's kind of becoming an option more often? At least from what I've seen). Most of the time poly relationships are met with hostility and ignorance and seeing Anons feel entitled over characters and trying to force their way is disheartening to see. It's something that happens so often, especially when a character is "outed" (for lack of better word) as trans, non-binary, poc, poly.

I understand feeling left out when it comes to certain things like a character being genderlocked or when they're only romanceable for certain genders. I'm a pansexual/-romantic guy, and seeing some IFs be genderlocked female often makes me sad and feel disappointed. And don't even get me started on romance focused fanfics. But I'll still reblog the main post in a show of support and then I'll move on.

And with this? Anons, there are more ROs in this IF. Choose the ones you vibe with and give them love instead of hating on the poly ROs and forcing your hatred into the inbox.

Anyways, sorry for the long rant, have a wonderful week:)

Yeah I think everything is fine now, I do think that anons who try to pressure writers over and over to change sexuality or gender do not want to “give up” any characters. All the IF I’ve played always have an option for a regular monogamous cis relationship, authors should be allowed to think about other groups of people, tell their stories without people feeling they are entitled to certain characters. The majority of asks I’ve gotten here about Carmen are fine, respectful and just curious about how the situation will play out. I was lucky that I only got one person who didn’t like it, it tells me that my readers are a respectful and understanding bunch.

But heavy on the reblog, thank you for that it really really does help like I love the likes but reblogs do so much to help get our work out there especially since many of us don’t have the backing of the big IF publishers

And you have a good week too ☺️

#polyamory #IF stuff

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extasiswings · 2 years ago

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i really loved how pepa was all "marriage, who said anything about marriage?" when that was immediately where eddie's head went about one fix-up. and pepa was basically like "i just want you to have someone to run errands with on your saturdays". lol (i wonder who that could be eddie)

anyway, i love hearing your thoughts so i was wondering what you thought about eddie immediately connecting dating to marriage and kind of panicking about it? where's his head at with that?

Oh, I love this question, I'm kissing you on the forehead for asking this, nonny.

So, as with all things Eddie Diaz, because he is a funny funny repressed queer little man who should be studied under a microscope, the answer is: it's complicated, and there are Layers.

On the absolute most surface level, I don't think it's an unreasonable logical leap in cultural context to assume if your family is setting you up it's not so you can have a casual fling, it's with an end goal of getting you married off.

Diving a little deeper, I think he also jumps to marriage because Serial Monogamist Eddie Diaz simply has zero conception of or experience with casual dating and non-serious relationships. And also, I think in his heart of hearts, what he wants (but is afraid of having) is a serious relationship. He wants a great grand forever love with a real romantic life partner! And "marriage" is the state that's traditionally emblematic of that, a serious, legally-binding commitment to share your life with someone. (And his heart already knows there's a specific person he wants as his partner, even if it's a little unclear what his head knows at the moment, so at least some of the kneejerk reaction against letting in anyone new is that he's taken).

But. Again, it's complicated. Because "marriage" for Eddie is...fraught.

On a still deeper level, that leap for me ties back to Christopher. It has to. Because all of the what-ifs of Eddie's life, the FOMO, the unanswered questions about who he is or could be...they all lead back to him. (Catch me screaming forever about Christopher's "the things that make you sad, am I one of them?"). And it's pointed that we know so very little about Eddie's life before Christopher, about his hopes and dreams, the kind of life he wanted for himself, the kind of man he wanted to be, but at the same time the little we do know, especially in the context of this arc is loud.

Because the only thing we know about Eddie and relationships pre-Christopher is Shannon. And while we don't know how Eddie and Shannon's relationship was before everything fell apart, while we never got to see it, it's implied at least that before she got pregnant, before they got married too young and too soon, their relationship worked, they were happy, they were in love. One of the few things Eddie says explicitly, unequivocally, about her/them/his feelings from back then, is "I knew I loved her, but I didn't think I was ready to get married." But he did. Because of Christopher.

For Eddie, being a husband and being a father are two sides of the same coin. They're states that were inherently connected in his early life, they're roles that carry so much weight, so many responsibilities, expectations, pressure to perform. They're roles that he was forced to take on before he was ready, and his fear of failure, his performance anxiety, became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There's really something to the idea that Eddie and Shannon both lost themselves when she got pregnant. That both of them fell into the trap of letting the people they were be erased, so that he could no longer be Eddie, but Christopher's dad and Shannon's husband, and she became Christopher's mom and Eddie's wife, and because they lost themselves, they also lost what they had together before, and hurt each other. He ran away, and then she did, and where once they had uncomplicated young love, they were left with broken hearts, broken trust, guilt, shame, grief...and all of that is connected with Marriage. Doubly-so for Eddie, because he came back and learned how to be a father, how to get comfortable with that so he was no longer just playing a role he wasn't ready for, but when he decided that he was ready to step in and open himself up again and be a husband for real...Shannon was the one who asked for a divorce. And her entire point was that she needed to do exactly what he did, she needed to get comfortable with being a mother before she could also be a wife, lest she risk failing at both, but all Eddie took away from that was that she was rejecting him as a romantic partner, as a husband specifically, that there was something wrong with him, and because she died so soon after that, he never got the chance to get clarification, to realize that he was capable.

Eddie + Fear is the big theme swirling around his development in general, but his love life in particular (similar to Buck + Death). He's allowed fear to control his whole life. Fear of not fitting what he thought he had to be leading him to smother his individuality when he became a husband and father. Fear of failure leading him to join the military and run to the other side of the world. Fear of being hurt again leading him to keep Shannon at arm's length. Fear of not giving Christopher what he needed leading him to get involved with Ana even though he knew he wasn't ready (and literally said as much!). And now fear of the unknown and also fear of the same rejection and heartbreak and pain he felt with Shannon (both within their relationship and because of her death) keeping him from admitting what and who his heart really wants now...

Anyway, this massively got away from me, but...yeah...Eddie + Love, Eddie + Fear, Eddie + Marriage, all tying together in one lovely journey of queer adult self-discovery. It's Something.

#chapel talks #anonymous #ask #eddie diaz

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