#AND IM SUPPOSED TO BE ARO???
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me having my 3rd sexuality crisis of the week <33
#OK NO BUT SERISOULY IDK ANYMORE........#like#i am bisexual#right#but#every relationship ive had w a guy has FAILED#bc i lost feelings#but i had a crush on a girl for 2 FUCKING YEARS#and never lost feelings#AND IM SUPPOSED TO BE ARO???#I MEAN I AM AROACE WELL GREYARO BUT SAMRETHING#i odont get it#am i lesbian now or what im so confused#i used to think i was lesbian then i thought i was trans then i thought i was pan and now im bi#but dude....#and its like#its not just girls#femme aligned ppl???#I DONT EVEN GET IT#im like#attracted to everyone#just not#cis men#DOES THAT MAKE SENSE????#like i cant imagine myself w a cis guy#but likeid be cool dating like... a demiboy or a masc nb person or like uhh bigender person IDK. FUCKING HELL EVEN IM BIGENDER LIKE#LIKE ID DATE A BOYGIRL OR GIRLBOY#and i would date any girl ever#like any girl#like a femme nb or a trans girl or a demigirl
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aro/ace themed valentine's day teddy bears ^^ because i just recently found out i might be arospec but also just cuz like..... why not
#this may be out of character for me because just a few weeks ago i strongly disliked valentine's day lmao#now that i know im probably some kinda flavor of aro? i.. dunno how to feel#how i feel about the holiday is complicated#while i still dont like the romantic aspect of it.. at least i dont find myself rolling my eyes at valentine's themed stuff as much anymore#idk maybe i'll go back to disliking the holiday next year who knows lol#i guess its just the catharsis i suppose..#aromantic#asexual#aroace#aspec#arospec#lgbtq#valentine's day#valentine's#teddy bear#digital art#art#toby draws things
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A character looks straight into the camera and says "I'm not interested in romance" and people will still say "No, it's not confirmed they're aromantic!!!" "They could change their mind!!!" "it's a challenge for them to overcome!!!" "They'll have character development that makes them fall in love"
It's like they are given the most blatant answer to a character romantic orientation and they actively ignore it. all the while all it takes is subtext for people to speak as if it is fact for a character to be any other sexuality.
#text#yes I'm calling out the hypocrisy within queer readings of a text and how often people dont see aromanticism as queer#and thus they will hear a blatant omission that a character is aromantic and still say it is not enough#mean while a character saying 'im not interested in the opposite gender' is rightfully taken as the character being queer#the queer community hates aspec characters because they don't match their perfect idea of sex sex relationships as being peak queerness#aphobia#aro#aromantic#aspec#aroace#im sorry but n oit isn't a difference of opinion if you blatantly ignore a character outright saying 'im not into this'#like y'all complain abt ppl turning gay ppl straight but will defend ppl erasing aro identities all the time#fandoms will throw a fit if you ship gay characters in straight relationships but ppl shit aro characters and we r told to shut up#im so fucking tired of this bs#I will keep complaining and keep calling this shit out#until it is drilled into ur skulls that you are being APHOBIC becaue WHAT? You want to REALLLLLY SHIP a character?#Because you'll die if you dont???#fuck man just say you hate aspec ppl and move on#it's easier than dealing with your 'im not aphobic ur being unfair i supposed aspec people really' bs
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im so funny, i was like
"yeah i enjoy romance but not that basic 'omg i just wanna hug you and kiss you and love you and snuggle you' shit that makes me sooo uneasy. i just want a comfortable silence and someone i know i can trust and watch stuff with and feel comfortable around no matter what. someone i can really fully trust that I don't have to put on a whole weird lovey dovey show around. that other stuff feels so fake and forced and weird, even if it's true it's like, oh my god shut up what are you talking about." <- IDIOT!!!! YOU'RE AROMANTIC. GOD.
#nnstuff#rambling#arospec#aro#aromantic#this post inspired by me overhearing my roommate talking all sweet to her bf#and i am. so uncomfortable lmao. body shuddering#i love being vaguely sex repulsed and vaguely romance repulsed#both those things make me like. kind of uneasy. but not enough to be full on repulsion#they just kinda make me wince or grimace most of the time#but other times im completely normal about it#really depends on the context and my vibes i suppose
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[jttw oc] cursed to be an obligate carnivore, ate his entire family one particularly bad winter
#guys im being indulgent hear me out#im not giving him a name he just goes by woodcutter#cuz he feels like he doesn’t have the right to use the name his parents gave him#not telling you what it is tho cuz I don’t know either lol#jttw oc#journey to the west 1996#journey to the west#jttw sha wujing#jttw zhu bajie#jttw tripitaka#jttw sun wukong#jttw fanart#digital art#my art#what’s he doing here? searching for a way to break his curse and make amends#yes that’s his cat he calls lucky#when I mean obligate carnivore I mean it is entirely possible for him to grow weak and hungry if not given meat in his diet#not a monk just happy to be there lol#yeah it’s the 1996 version cuz I love that group and im obsessed with it rn :)#I see so many cool jttw ocs on here I wanna make one too :(#he smokes a pipe btw I just forgot to draw it#it keeps the cravings and hunger away and also looks cool af#close enough welcome back luo binghe#real aroace solidarity is letting each other use you like a chew toy when teething#I’m just now realizing I did not draw those flags correctly#or colored them in…#just know they’re supposed to be the ace and aro flags I drew them from memory and was like eh I’ll look em up later#I did not
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I've gotten so used to seeing aroace positivity on all the social media I'm on that getting asked "so like, do you have a boyfriend already?" genuinely fucking startled me
#like i just#i forgot thats a thing#that people expect me to do#wheres the “shoutout to aros who wanna date#and those who dont too!“#like wdym bf#im supposed to do that??#aro#aroace#aromantic#aromantism#asexual#asexuality
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its kind of incredible just how fucking gay i can be when im literally aromantic
#IM. SO NORMAL#why is there exceptions to my aromanticism. hm. huh. why is that.#like am i shocked by who the exceptions are? no. but hey. cmon. stop being exceptions im supposed to be aro .:(#speaking.mp4
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interesting observation i just made about my aromanticism….
when cuddling with someone, something in theory i am totally comfortable with, it’s the Absence of any kind of ‘excitement’ that means, for me, that i ‘have feelings’ for someone - by that, i more mean platonic, (non-sexual) sensual attraction and feelings.
for example, when i cuddle someone and my heart is beating out of its chest… something people would say is nerves because you like someone, or something alone the lines of that, for me… that’s just pure nerves and anxiety. it’s because i’m cuddling someone i’m not totally okay with being affectionate with, or built up to that at all.
meanwhile, if i am completely calm… i’m not thinking about anything else, my heart rate is calm, i’m not worried about my breathing or my positioning… i’m comfortable. this is someone i am more than happy to be in this position with because i have the feelings and attraction towards them that make me desire such an act….
does that make sense??? idk. it sounds ridiculous. it also kind of fucks me up because there is ONE person in this world who has made me feel calm and safe and comfortable in such a situation and they are…. i just don’t really know if they would commit to me the same way i would to them…! so. yeah…!
#i’m having so much fun as always#like ok i know i love this person#and i know that’s all but romantic#and they’re even aroace but#it’s complicated#i think they just see me as their friend#who also happens to be aroace#and therefore we can talk about that but like#they want more out of a relationship with another person than. i would i suppose#is one way to word it#so i don’t think im an option to them..!#awesome B)#aromantic#aro#aromanticism#actually aro#lgbtq#aroace
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im so in love like. woah have you guys done this whole being in love thing before because its Crazy
#camera talks#like im sitting in class thinking about them?#he thinks of me with fall so while im walking through the woods i got a silly smile bc im thinking about him thinking about me ???#we talk about my ocs and podcast and they actually listen#and she's so so cute while they infodump ??#raugh where am i supposed to put all these emotions other than writing a lot of love poems#bc there are way too many love poems in my school notes rn wtf#per the usual being aro was supposed to stop this where did i go wrong /silly
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realizing that i am an outlier in fandoms because i do not ship anyone with anyone
#like yes i know there are characters that are canonically in relationships and im cool with that#or characters that have connections with others and fans interpret as relationships#its just that i dont particularly care nor feel any urge to “ship”#its like each character exists in a somewhat closed vacuum of being without me needing to interfere if that makes sense#even as a child i didnt ship... i would SAY that i ship char x char only because i thought that doing so was the expectation#but in my mind i simply was like “yeah they click according to the fans. and im a fan so i should say they click”#even with ships i DO like i dont ship.#its like seeing a work in a gallery and thinking “thats cool!” but not wanting to bring it home and display it in your house#< actually thats pretty accurate in describing how i feel#dont get me wrong i am fine with everyone else shipping its just not for me#id say a part of it is because im romance repulsed aro but even then lots of us ship stuff#just some more personal rambles!#although i suppose its nice not to be sucked into shipping wars and stuff. peace and love in my kingdom#rivera writes#shipping#aromantic#romance repulsed#rivera lore
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btw maybe this is just me but it kinda sucks that the fallout 4 sphere is so critically centered around the companions and the theoretical romance that involves them. I don't believe that shipping is bad at all as a concept but fo4 content is so bloated by every single little factor about the conventionally attractive companions that it all just blends into mindless white noise I think. Not to mention how the most milquetoast danse/nick/hancock/deacon whatever post will get hundreds of notes even if it's the most basic trope abiding thing ever, while I've seen genuinely incredible art relating to deeper themes/imagery in the game or written content that examines concepts I've never seen anyone bring up get largely ignored.
It also sucks on a practical level because god forbid you do explore the tags looking for original content, you're gonna have to go extremely deep to find anything that isn't a companions react! or a companions in bed! post that ignores X6 or most of the female companions and adds maxson or sturges instead lol
#not art#fallout 4#fo4#this is by no means supposed to make anyone feel bad if you do make companion content#but its just such a pervasive thing to an insane degree#im also aro so maybe thats why its all a sludge that melts together idk
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What do I call these emotions? Are they wanted or unwanted?
#that white one at the corner is on purpose btw#i was doodling my new persona and then accidentally spent four hours making...this#hence the random girlie i kept cropped at the top#embracing my lovey dovey side is very scary and vulnerable and personal and sometimes even stupid and weird#but i think that's how it's suppose to feel#at first anyways#notice how i took off the “aro” part in all of my bios#while i suppose im somewhere on that spectrum i think it would be an insult to aros if i keep on longing for romance#i dont know if it's the label or the contents that unnerve me#lots to still ponder on that#maybe i can go back to labeling myself as cupioromantic?#i haven't a clue#maybe i can make something up#just to describe my own feelings#if anyone relates to me then that's fine#uhhh like and subscribe and send a little ask if you wanna know what im talking about or whatever#jadetheblade#jade post#lesbian#pride month#questioning#gay girl#tw bright colors#sidenote don't know if stealing the color pallet of the lesbian flag is wrong but i really like it on my sona!#it's cute ^_^#slowly but surely coming to draw the way i want to be represented
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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I'm making a separate post this the OG post took off before I could ever fix the typo but supporting aspec people ALSO means respecting and supporting Aplatonic aspecs. Those guys are not less human for not creating platonic relationships. Same with Plato repulsed people. You cannot ostracize on part of the community just because you don't understand their experience and that makes you uncomfortable.
#text#aplatonic#plato repusled#aspec#aro#ace#aromantic#asexual#aroace#tagging with the aro and ace tags so more ppl hopefully see#im real upset i didn't realize my phone had autocorrected aplatonic to just platonic im so sorry u guys#u were supposed to be in that post and now i cant even dd u into it because it blew up immediately
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Still makes me an angry when people say "acespec" when they mean "aspec"
In a poll asking if people are aroace aroallo or alloace, don't call it a "poll for acespec people" when it's not just acespec.
And also don't get annoyed at people for pointing it out
#and some people are like ' well aspec includes all a- lables like agender '#and im like does it tho? cant we arospec and acespec people have aspec? agender is under the nonbinary umbrella to me#not the aspec umbrella. but i suppose thats my personal opinion#negative#aro#arospec#acespec#ace#aroace#aspec
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I really need like. A dating sim where I can just set people up with each other and never date anyone. Or a similar style of game but based around friendship. It seems like such a fun type of game to me and I want to try it out, but even dipping my toe into romance options in a mostly-not-romance-focused game has squicked me pretty hard in the past. Where is the dating sim for the romance repulsed aros out there. I need this to exist
#stars rambles#if this exists PLEASE tell me about it#how romance repulsed I am depends highly on context even within fiction but apparently this does not work for me#even when the character im playing is not supposed to be Literally Me#aro thoughts
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