#id say a part of it is because im romance repulsed aro but even then lots of us ship stuff

[parchmentknight]

realizing that i am an outlier in fandoms because i do not ship anyone with anyone

[aroaceconfessions]

So, i was thinking about how was i going to explain my aroace identity to a friend for reasons, and i found really interesting how complex the aspec identities can be (not to say that other identities aren't, bcause ofc they are, people are ver complex, but im talking about the specific way the aspec identity can be so different and complicated from person to person)

Like, i'm just one person, and i find so hard to explain to other people on detail what my identity is. Like, sure, the simple thing is to just say "hi, im aroace and i don't experience romantic or sexual attraction :)" but that doesn't begin to cover all of my feelings!!!

Like, i'm sex postive but also sex-repulsed!! I don't quite understand it, and i don't like to even glance at sex, but you don't know that just because i told you i was ace. You wouldn't know that i can't quite differentiate between sexual and sensual attraction, so i just assume i don't feel neither.

You wouldn't also know how i feel about the multiple physical ways to show affection, and how context changes them for me

But specially in the romantic part, yeah you would know i don't experience romantic attraction, but you wouldn't know how much i love the concept of romance, and romance in media, and how cool i think other's experiences are!!! You wouldn't know i'm a sucker for romance, or how cool i think polyamory is. You wouldn't know the grief i felt when i discovered my aroness and how badly i wanted to fall in love, and my journey to accept myself and in the process discovering my love for platonic love (which doesn't replace the romantic love, i love it in a different way)

You wouldn't know how much i love the idea of having queerplatonic partners or the specifics of how i would like that to go, you wouldn't know how much i yern for having platonic partners that are my family and friends, you wouldn't know how that attraction works

And, you wouldn't know all of my journey that is part of my identity, all of the love and loss and all the tears that i cried, all of the time having a crisis and learning to love myself

And talking about the journey, you wouldn't know how hard was it to find out that the simple aroace label fit me, you wouldn't know how much i jumped from label to label, how each one changed me, how i slowly come to be at peace with IDing as aroace.

Even if i went and said "Hi, i'm aroace, sex postive but repulsed, cupioromantic, aegoromantic, i want multiple queerplatonic partners but i don't like to label my platonic attraction, i don't think i experience sensual attraction, and i feel really strong about friendship, family, and pet love" it just isn't enough

And then there are a lot of aspec people out there, with so many diverse experiences!!! It's so cool!!! i love aspec identities so much!!!

(and i still have no idea how to explain my identity to my friend lmao, its so hard to explain all of this out loud, and even in writting like this i feel that it just, isn't enough)

And i know i don't *have to* explain it to her, but i think i want to, i don't want to give her just a basic explanation of this part of myself, i want her to understand

[sonder-moon]

thinking..

sorta rant about aroace-ness under the cut i just needed to write out

been feeling very isolated as of late on account of the aromanticism and the asexuality. when i first knew i was ace, i was never really as strict with the boundaries as i probably should have been. i was a young teenager and ive never shied away from the topic of sex. it never really bothered me and i never understood the pressure and urges people around me might be feeling. i was fine with people telling me about great romantic relationships are. but i never told anyone i was asexual because come on. who among my peers who wasnt also on tumblr would know what that meant. typical awkward ace kid stuff. the problem is by the time i started telling people i was ace, the aro hadn't set in yet. i knew one nearly 10 years before i knew the other.

skip ahead to years later when i first knew i was aro (only about a year ago). now this was crazy. i started realizing i had way more to unpack and more boundaries to set. suddenly, i felt more aware of and repulsed by the romance around me. i felt more opinionated on the topic of sex. i wanted to stop humoring peers who told me i should start dating. i felt more annoyed at the idea that people might still think i had a desire for these things. but how could i tell them that? id had feelings i thought were crushes before. i loved and still love romance in movies. ive written and read sappy fanfiction for a long time. i like the concepts of love and sex in fiction, but not reality, and it's far too difficult to explain to most people that reality and fiction paint them in different lights. i think i see the entire concepts of sexual attraction and romance in such a wildly different way than everyone else in my life, and i know i can't put it into words for anyone but myself. that's probably why im feeling so isolated. i have no one to turn to for actual understanding (other than the internet). the term "romance repulsed" sounds too harsh to say to my friends who are in happy relationships. even in fandom, to headcannon a fictional character as aroace is seen as like the worst injustice you can do to them. what with all the shock towards the idea of "No Romance" that ive internalized for so long, it's no wonder i sometimes feel less like a person and more like an emotionless robot.

i never want to date anyone. i never want to get married. i never want to have sex. i can say it to the void on tumblr all i want, but saying those things in rapid succession to an allo will make their brain short circuit, make them look at me like i have three heads, or make them immediately try to change my mind about it. why those notions are so threatening and alien to them, ill never know. i just know ill never be truly understood in real life, and i have to come to terms with that. it's just that it's so horribly lonely, and for my own sanity, i have to keep quiet about it, because if i never tell anyone about this part of me, then i guess i cant get mad when they don't know.

i do LOVE being aroace. it's freeing and fun. i just have this far-fetched and crazy wish to be accepted without people adding terms and conditions onto me. i want to hear "you're not interested in sex or romance? ever? cool, i believe you." not "i cant figure out how your mind works, so im going to tell you you should try to be less confusing for people."

anyways. im not going to stop being so confusing. but i probably wont be telling everyody i know to stop talking about romance to me either. it's just not realistic. but at least i know myself and i know i can do whatever i want forever. i just want people to be normal about aroace people.

[aro-culture-is]

i think i may be arospec, but idk what to do about it... i id as a bisexual/grayace and the ace part is quite new, only about a year. but, in the past my relos kind of just happened. they asked me out and cuz i showed i mild personal interest/curiousity and didnt say no (cuz i wasnt like "in love") i said yes and we dated. im in another relo and he's SUPER romantic and i dont get it, it kinda makes me feel uncomfortable cuz i dont do it back naturally... does this sound like aspec stuff??

[empty paragraph in case tumblr eats it]

hi!

obligatory: i’m an internet stranger who knows nothing of your personal circumstances other than what you have sent. even if I did know more your identity is yours to chose.

that said, uhhh yeah that matches a fair amount of aro-spec things to me. I tend to define aromanticism strongly around experiencing little to no romantic attraction, and aro-spec as experiencing less than the cultural standard of romantic attraction and/or conditional attraction. from my understanding, as a person who has never felt romantic attraction, most people who are not arospec experience romantic attraction first around the age of 10 or even earlier (though it can be later) and it’s apparently distinct for most individuals.

the fact that you don’t describe that as being part of your dating suggests to me that you don’t necessarily experience that, which, by definition, would make you aro-spec, or more specifically aromantic.

additionally, this is also kinda exactly how I went about dating, including the relationship with someone who’s super romantic and being kinda uncomfortable because it doesn’t feel natural to do it back. I would suggest that you look into the term romance repulsion - and know that it doesn’t have to be an identity modifier, just a phenomena that can occur. it may or may not match your experience, but it is how I’m reading it.

however you feel about the above, I would advise talking to your boyfriend about feeling uncomfortable at times with the super romantic stuff - it’s possible to date as an aro person, even one with some romance repulsion and you don’t have to discuss that immediately if you’re not there yet - but in a healthy relationship there should still be some communication around discomfort.

You could say something like “hey, so you say/do x thing a lot, and (i like that / think it’s nice of you / or even don’t super enjoy it, though i’d leave off the rest then). I’m a little uncomfortable though because I struggle to express it back. Are you looking for a response when you do x? (if yes, maybe ask about what the response might be, alternatives if that’s not comfy with you, or just have an emotionally honest discussion about how you feel with plenty of I statements)”.

I hope this helps! you may also find it useful to scroll through the tag “am i aro”, attached to this post.

- mod kee

disclaimer under readmore:

Hi. I'm an internet stranger. I am one person. I will speak from my personal perspective. I happen to be more visible in the aro community than some, and this puts me in a unique position where I am asked many types of questions. I will do my best, but I am not representative of all aromantic people, or even my specific identities of non-sam or loveless. Sometimes, I might say something and later disagree with that stance. Treat me as the unqualified stranger I am.

[amicicidalgambler]

you know what fuck it kitty did it so i have an excuse and im sick so i need something mindless to do

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? not really nah.

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? just with nadaya :3c

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? id be willing to say its nad

4: Have you ever changed for someone? yyyyyyyes? shes willing to fake things she doesnt feel and play up certain parts of her personality for a relationship

5: How is your relationship with your ex? theyre all dead jim. except eridan and kanaya and she hasnt talked to kan and her relationship with eridan is Awkward

6: Have you ever been cheated on? as far as she knows no, but for the npc relationships its possible?

7: Have you ever cheated? nah

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? yeah, she doesnt really care

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? having fun but like. said in a way that sounds like she has no fucking idea what another answer would be

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? flings? she likes short barely committed relationships.

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? shed be okay with it. more than okay with it even. so okay with it that actually she doesnt care you can leave for a while and shell barely notice.

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? i guess the drone thing kinda counts but none

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? she feels like she was a tad harsh with eridan but otherwise i cant think of anything

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? yes? she feels like if you meet someone and youre meant to keep talking to them youll Know

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? yeah dude

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? either not being interesting enough or outright hurting her

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? vris gives up as soon as she starts feeling too bored with them, but thats the only way shes done it so otherwise she has no fuckening clue 

20: Are you currently in a relationship? ya

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? when theyre not dead yes

22: Do you think people should date their friends? sure

23: How many relationships have you had? 3 since this blog started, 2 from canon, and ive fleshed out 2 of the npc relationships so that would be 7? ye

24: Do you think love can last forever? for other people yes. for her not so much.

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? no.

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? the first thing that came to mind was “May8e don’t.”

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? its kind of hard for trolls with instant transportation to do the whole ldr thing for real.

29: What do you notice first about another person? how their brain feels to her powers

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? bi/pan and grey-aro

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? ehhhhhhh. depending on what it is it could work but dont expect her to be that helpful.

33: Do you want to get married one day? shes not really familiar with marriage but the idea of actually committing like that usually freaks her out.

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? n ah she doesnt even like regular tattoos

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? she prefers it that way

36: Are you still a virgin? no but only because drones

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? personality?

38: Do you enjoy love films? there has to be something else violent going on in the plot also but sometimes

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? probably has received them, probably hasnt given them

40: Have you ever had a valentine? ppprprprprprprprobably not

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? a murder date. really though shes not super picky as long as its fun and not too crowded

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? mmm. she feels like your partner is supposed to be a little more important than your friends but in practice its p even for her.

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? half of the time yes. the other half she feels like shes Not Meant for relationships.

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? yes but im not saying which one aha

48: What’s your favorite love song? meant to be yours from the heathers musical, my love wont wait by two gallants, and true love by thoushaltnot are all the ones that show up on her trntbl more than once. but im also going to add the squeaky wheel by the dear hunter

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? im pretty sure most of them were too busy bleeding out to be heartbroken

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? shes single in pale because she doesnt really want a moirail? she doesnt see much reason to since she has nadaya and doesnt see her being as comfortable as someone else. then in pitch she has kind of weird needs and its hard to meet them.

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? like 90% of the people shes dated have been rich douchebags. also she is a rich douchebags. thats just kind of who she usually gets along with.

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? a broke clock is right twice a day

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? ssssssssort of. she kind of flips between being repulsed by seeing other couples and being jealous

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? having other people know shes together with someone is important to her but there doesnt need to be any spectacle to it yknow

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? vriska can get really fucking jealous in the wrong circumstances. like “i want to kill your other mates” jealous. shes not super clingy though she can only talk to her mate once every couple of weeks and be fine. it can be better for her that way sometimes tbh like with mak rn.

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? yes

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? shes like the non-sexual equivalent of a power bottom Or Something. she wants control of whats happening but is more submissive Or Something.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? she never forgets but it doesnt always last long enough for that kind of thing to come up lmao

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? she doesnt have anything against them but theyre very much not for her. shes way way to jealous to share a quad with someone and doesnt feel any need to take more than one mate in a quad, and isnt big on non-quad romance

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? yes she does

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? SHE REALLY REALLY IS BUT WONT ADMIT TO IT