#ALL SYSTEMS FREAK THE FUCK OUT
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today i learned anxiety and allergy attack dont mix
#never eating gummy apple rings again#drove to the lake to go swimming and coming back stopped at the little general store for a snack#chose apple rings bc they taste AMAZING and drove back home#had a few (3 or 4) while driving and started making cookies when i came back#bc i had an invite to some neighbors' dinner and i wanted to bring something#so i was already anxious about that and thought that a swim would tire me out and id be less anxious#the first batch of cookies (lemon sugar) are in the oven when i feel a familiar tingling in my tongue#i go OH SHIT and grab my benadryl that i keep on me#and pray to the lord that i caught the allergy attack quick enough and it would diminish in about 20 min#WRONG#ALL SYSTEMS FREAK THE FUCK OUT#I HAVE 3 MINS LEFT WITH COOKIES IN THE OVEN#IM ABOUT TO PASS OUT ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR (EVEN SITTING DOWN)#MY MIND IS THINKING AT LEAST I CAN BREATHE I CAN STILL BREATHE#BC THE GD HOSPITAL IS OVER AN HOUR AWAY#EVERYTHING HURTS LIKE HELL#THINK LIKE BASIC ALLERGY ATTACK AND ADD PERIOD CRAMPS TO IT AND YOU'VE ALSO BEEN STUNG BY A THOUSAND BEES#SO I SOMEHOW MUSTER THE STRENGTH TO TAKE THE COOKIES OUT OF THE OVEN SO THEY DIDN'T BURN TURN THE OVEN OFF AND STUMBLE TO MY ROOM#I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO DIE#SO NOW MY THOUGHTS ARE OH GOD NOT HERE NOT THIS WAY I DONT WANT TO DIE FROM STUPID APPLE RINGS#tw emetophobia#AND EVERYTHING JUST COMES UP#IT'S AWFUL#IM LAYING ON THE COLD TILE OF THE BATHROOM WHILE MY WHOLE BODY DECIDES â¨FEVER TIMEâ¨#STILL CAN'T MOVE BC EVERYTHING IS CRAMPING#I LAID THERE FOR PROBABLY 15 MINS#CRAWLED TO GET MY HEATING PAD AND SOME IBUPROFEN (A MIRACLE COMBO)#AND SLEPT FOR AN HOUR AND IT ALL FINALLY WENT AWAY#I FEEL LIKE IVE BEEN THROUGH HELL AND BACK đđđđ#irl
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This captures it. Chappell Roan is rightfully disillusioned by the two-party system.
Here are some of the correct responses to her (justified) criticism of the U.S. government.
#a lesser evil is still evil how donât Americans understand this#itâs her fault she understand critical thinking and nuance bc we know most Americans have no idea what these things mean#sheâs an ardent supporter of Palestine and of oppressed communities ofc she doesnât fuck with the two party system#Iâm begging Americans to think critically and educate themselves#but I suppose itâs not their fault that their government keeps them stupid on purpose#yâall would freak out if you ever met real life political dissidents#the two party system does not have the best interest of the people in mind theyâre all greedy corporate elites#free palestine#chappell roan#taylor swift#bc she is mentioned and compared here#neolibs are the most insufferable bootlickers#these are the correct responses to government criticism btw#us politics#politics#palestine#us elections#celebrities#celebrity worship#pop culture#jill stein#climate collapse#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbtq community#lgbt pride#Zionism is a disease
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hey so not really the post i normally want to make, but i'm opening up some of my normal art commissions on here.
my dream oc has come up for sale and the person offered to put them on hold for me to see if i could get the money up by the end of the week.
chibis: $30 custom design: $60 (prices are haggle-able, PLEASE haggle if you cant afford them i literally am on a time limit here lol)
images are all examples of chibi designs i've done within the past month!
#art#chibis#furry#custom#oc#commissions#comms#open#again im really sorry about this i really dont like posting our normal art comms on here and especially not for a non-emergency but#our system is freaking hte fuck out this has been an all-around favorite oc since it was created and we genuinely never expected him to lik#come up for sale???? at all ever????? so we werent prepared with savings and now are suffering for it
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nagito komaeda and his scary ass dog
#martzipan#komahina#nagito komaeda#hajime hinata#suggestive#<- mainly for that last one#ERM... i felt like getting a little silly. <3#*pointing at hajime hinata* ouppy dog#he's a bite risk tho. a bit possessive a bit aggressive etc etc#i was gonna do a bigger piece of them being freaks but i couldn't figure out the pose#so instead i did some littler sketches of some related ideas#uhhh shoutout to hajime's massive fucking honkers i literally had to use the liquify tool to get them to the right size#...i still kinda feel like i should have made them bigger#ANYWAYSSS i'm gonna be out of state for the next few days and thus won't be able to draw. so i had to get all the art out of my system#...i bit my own arm for reference on the bite marks and now there's little bruises on my arm. whoopsies.#OK done rambling. eat up kmhn fans <3
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I feel like I may take the break from school I have to just... not do anything. my brain has barely worked for me to write anything the past few days, and what I do write just seems meh
I'll still be here. still be lurking and talking but don't expect much (or any) writing soon
#rant in the tags#I also feel like I'm terrible at talking to others and take things too personally ugh#I feel like I talk about myself too much and feel like an asshole#or just talk way too much and I think I freak people out#this is anxiety talking hello I know this isnât true ugh#I really needed this break from school I feel like I'm drowning I have so much going on#which feels like a bother to bring up as well#but like... I really love teaching but this year has made me rethink a lot of things bc our system is FUCKED and everyone gets#fucked over bc of it#havenât been feeling like a good teacher lately or just appreciated in general#had a kid tell me âwell that's your jobâ today and yeah been thinking about it all day bc YES it is my job#but is this all I am??? a machine who wakes up and teaches then goes home?? I put so much effort into#the things I do and none of it gets seen and ugh#dodger rants
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ygs do know that the host of a system also counts as an alter, right?
#is this post partially an excuse to use syspunk/systempunk to push out endos trying to steal it? yes I'll admit#But also the amount of times I've seen singlets and endo âsystemsâ do this kind of hierarchy with the host being divine and the rest-#-being unholy freaks is genuinely concerning#ALSO!!!! TO ALL YHE HOSTS WHO FEEL LIKE THEY'RE FAKE OR UNIMPORTANT: YOU MATTER!! YOU'RE ACTUALLY PROBABLY FULFILLING A LOT OF NEEDS-#-AND DONT REALIZE IT!!! YOU'RE PROBABLY REALLY LOVED/CARED FOR BY THE SYS AND YOU HOLD A PURPOSE!!!!!!!!!!#okay rant over#syspunk#anti endogenic#fuck endos#anti endo#endos DNI#systempunk#system punk#idk what else to tag. Sighhhhh#also expect me to post more about being a system LMAOOOOO#franky posts#Jesus hell I really need to update the regular tags for our posts
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Our mental health has been in such an interestingly terrible place for the last month or so. Genuinely kind of fascinating to watch from different internal angles....like watching the ocean ebb and flow and change temperament at random sometimes based on weather or the moon or something. Like this shit is just terrible
#I can't even describe it#Like it isn't even just the basic stuff I've dealt with my whole life right#I've had some of this for well over a decade now right I've been very unwell for a long time#I'm a system so that tells you a lot already#Speaking of which that's been extremely hard on us lately too. Rapid switching and blending and worsening dissociative episodes#It makes it extremely....hard. I don't know how to put this for people reading this who don't just intuitively know what I'm talking about#Let me try though#Stress worsens the symptoms right. And we've been under a Lot of stress. When you have a system who not only experiences different levels#of emotion but also different emotional responses to certain things and then also expresses symptoms of your multiple mental illnesses to#different degrees and then on top of that your sense of time/cognition becomes nonlinear because you're blurry as hell in and out all the#time it becomes markedly more difficult to try and balance out/manage your other shit. Like I cannot even describe#It's like trying to climb a slippery incline#I feel truly. Crazy. Like a complete unstable fragmented freak lately it is So bad. And I feel like I'm becoming Worse /As A Person/ too#Like I just feel like I'm becoming so jaded and fucked up mentally our internal state right now is frankly very bad. If you think I've been#negative and difficult on this blog lately hoo boy is my posting on here not even scratching the surface#We're trying to do some things about stuff we can fix/control in our external surroundings but like#[Edit: in addition I have never been properly medicated or gotten help for Any of this since I was 14-15 and they weren't even helping us#for the right things.]
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the disordered system experience of having a part having a fullblown meltdown/flashback combo in the brain while having a different part handling the check in for our dr appointment and theyre both getting overstimulated from the other
#something i dont see talked abt a lot is how overstimulating being a system can be#when we have experiences like this ^ with someone freaking out in cocon while someone else has to front#its so fucking easy to get overstimulated to the point of meltdown#and then the fronting part has to hold back all the meltdown stress freak out and still do Normal Stuff#this shit sucks but i am trying to treat myself with compassion rn (its what my therapist wants me to do)#plural#system#disordered system
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aaghh I hate health anxiety ocd (or whatever you call it), it's literally doing nothing other than contributing to make my health worse
... wait actually, does anyone have like, tips/advice for that kind of thing? I really think I need some help with this one
#i (ai)#ocd#vent cw#I also have like severe decision paralysis + procrastination issues so that's great#like. being so scared that i have to choose for something to eat that is nutritious&healthy AND affordable AND eatable#that i delay my eating by many hours every other day (+ combined with many other reasons like general awful schedule)#is not in fact the amazing health plan my instincts apparently think it is for some baffling reason. fucking hell#I consistently have all sorts of digestive system issues and I'm plenty underweight. tbh my adhd meds prob also dont help with this part#....on that note I have severe anxiety with spending money (which I have very little of) too. lmao. just great#during the lockdown years my contamination ocd spiked very badly and it still hadn't fully recovered now#and it was/is really godawful harmful for my physical and mental health alike. like this was worse before but even now it really screws wit#my hydration habits. also its always my top consideration/anxiety to think about 'god would the toilet hygiene be bad'#whenever theres any option for me to go anywhere. so I avoided nearly every possible activity/event/social event I could avoid#that require leaving home for half a day or more. and I freak out badly whenever anyone comes to our home to visit for fear of contaminatio#some family friends used to send kids over to our place for dinner montly-ish & that was always my worst anxiety source for the month#I always dreaded the night terribly and it was awful experience. urgh.#gdi I wish I had less types of ocds like why am I cursed with so many annoying things at once lmao#...anyway ugh. i hate how my parents is about me getting sick/ill/any sort of pains etc. always jump to blame me at once#now I don't even want to tell them about it but I have to and they'll often force me to do chores as usual and/or never stop talking about#how it's so totally my fault for having awful schedules and bad habits etc that I'm sick & that I'm making excuses or whatever the fuck#that i'm an adult its my responsibility etc etc#anyway sorry and thank you if you've read this far lmao
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Two moods
1) queer queer queer
2) BIG METAL PROTECT TINY THING
#they over lap sometimes#sometimes the big metal destroy to protect#sometime it just vibing in the picture with implied violence#sometimes the metal covered queers who will be kissing#once the stabbing is out of their systems#when your so sleepy you canât draw the ideas in your head so you make a sketch that you Pray makes sense to tomorrow me#anyway back to music while I get ready for sleep#guys I have the best baby sister#she wants to give me hugs so much#and asks where I am all the time#and thinks anyone with long wavy hair is me#I would kill for her#normally I donât wanna hurt but if you hurt any of my siblings youâre fucking dead#a kid was mean to one of my sisters and I had to tame the beast that wanted to pick him up and throw him#like no she can handle this and be mature donât be a freak who gets sent to jail#I also think the kid will grow up too but like#thereâs moments of a beast
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On one hand i would like to have a large baby. my family and gilgameshâs come from a long line of beefy, nine pound plus chunkers. I was 9 and something lbs with a full head of hair and almost a week late. I want that baby fully cooked and maybe a little overdone. tons of studies not just anecdotal show that they just seem sort of⌠nicer and easier to deal with, like the biggest of the litter. they sleep more. they dont struggle in general as much and they gain weight easily and they also move a little slower. not saying they dont hit milestones but a fat ass baby will stay in its potted plant lump stage a little while longer before jumping into the running around sticking fingers in outlets stage.
on the other hand, i am so so concerned for the sanctity of my gooch. a nine pound baby will tear my grundle asunder. my taint to shreds.
#the thing nobody talks about pregnancy is you already have to deal w constipation cause your body has bigger priorities#& your uterus is freaking the fuck out next to ur intestines#the chance of hemorrhoids before birth is very common#my pussy? i believe in her.#my gooch? heâs a sensitive soul.#its also a bit funny when people say things like âwe have been having babies for milleniumâ#technically yes. but at these sizes w our modern nutrition? we sure the fuck havenât#they actually gave prenatals to pregnant ppl in developing countries and it led to MORE complications and deaths#bc the prenatals werenât also paired w high quality modern medicine#so these large babies were just causing all sorts of chaos compared to smaller more easily birthed babies#the way our reproduction system is they are just very large parasites#theyâll steal your teeth and rip open your gooch
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every day i leave my room and i go to the dining hall or the lobby or whatever and iâm being so brave and like yeah itâs for me so i donât go fucking crazy in my room alone again but itâs also bc i hope every time they see me it reminds them what they did. i hope they feel like a tenth of the shame i live with constantly when they see me. like. fucking look at me. iâm still here. you canât hide from what you did any more than you can hide from the dining hall. and i hope someday theyâre more ashamed than i am
#text#yes it is self discipline & healing fueling my attempts to keep my life together. it's also spite#like well whatever! i'll just stay here til my body gives out i suppose#they wouldnt look me in the eyes that one time they tried to talk to me and my friends they looked them in the eyes but not me.#bc they KNOW what they did was fucked up. they knew from the second they started freaking out in my messages#bc why would someone who didn't do anything wrong act like that. they know it was fucked up they know it was wrong#and by god i have made it my life's mission to remind them.#and if reminding them means focusing all my energy into calming my central nervous system while i finish my mountain dew#or nearly passing out in the building lobby when they hold the door open for me (JUST USE THE FUCKING BUTTON LIKE A NORMAL PERSON)#then i guess i'll do that. until my body gives out i suppose.#sa tw#&Well i meant for this to go on another blog but i saved it as a draft on here and i cant change it and im too lazy to copy paste#so here's a glimpse into my brain. as a treat.
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encountered an awesome new grocery store feature today (sorry, yesterday. haven't slept yet so it's not tomorrow), overhead camera in the self checkout and looks for if stuff is still in your cart. LOVE this (gritted teeth, grimace)
#it tried to get me too and called an attendant over because#checks notes....i left my prescription meds i got in the cart because i already paid for them#luckily the attendant didn't seem to give a fuck and just cleared the issue#or just recognized the store pharmacy bag + the receipt stapled on it#anyway the system then freaked out after i bagged all my stuff/left and went Please Remove All Items In Pre-Checkout when there was#not a single thing there#what a needlessly invasive and yet useless system
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i wish apple updates, ANY UPDATES, that change one small thing in the worst way possible while giving you no option to take it back, already having taken my info, my data, my privacy, now demanding what little joy and dignity I have left, a very much i hope you perish with fire on your skin and water in your lungs with the knowledge no one will ever love you and no one has.
#morg rambles#why is there an arrow telling me im using caps lock#did you chucklefucks forget there is a literal LIGHT that GLOWS when i am using capslock#did you fucker mouth breathing shit eating worm guzzling FREAKS not LET YOUR MIND PROCESS that when i am TYPING and i FUCKING SEE the lette#IS IN CAPS#I THEREFORE KNOW IT IS IN CAPS#I DO NOT NEEEEEEEEEEED#IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FROM#FOR AN ANNOYING LITTLE SCREEN ARROW TO TELL ME#i do not nEEEEEEEEEED for my phone is now AUTOMATICALLY blur my OWN FUCKING IMAGES for my wallpaper#WHY#would you make it a two click process TO SEND MEMES OR PHOTOS OR VOICE MEMOS when it was always A ONE CLICK PROCESS#i feel like they SNIFF out whatever actually works and then REMOVE IT WITH GREAT HASTE BECAUSE GOD FORBID WE HAVE JOY AND DIGNITY IN THIS#TECH FUELED NIGHTMARE#I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SPLEEN#IF NOT FOR THE FACT I KNOW THERE IS GREAT PAINS ON THE OTHER SIDE I WOULD SWITCH BEFORE YOU COULD BLINK#i do not need the minds behind this to perish i need them to DIE with FIRE ON THEIR SKIN and WATER IN THEIR LUNGS#i need to get this out my system before i start foaming at the mouth in unbridled agony#that is all#thank you for coming to my ted talk#fuck apple#fuck updates#rambles idk idk
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Tmf isnt very accurate in many ways but I like to think that one of the main accurate things rosy nailed was the fact that the jomies have been bullies for years and still haven't been (onscreen) punished and not even stopped. You'd think that after middle school to junior year of highschool the school would notice and stop them for good, but guess what! Nope!
#very accurate to the real school system#btw this isnt a serious or deep post about the shitty school system#im just making fun of it in both tmf and irl#tmf#the music freaks#the music freaks rosyclozy#tmf rosyclozy#oh and what i meant by the statement that tmf isnt very accurate is that like#i doubt that jake could be forgiven in a single month by drew and hailey#let alone fall in love with hailey while still trying to work out their friendship issues and friendship in general#and vice versa#and also them switching up the club mysic preformance plans last second#i feel like if milly really got into a lot of fights the school would probably just take her out of the music club already#and like (not a nitpick but something else) how the hell did henry and liam climb up to the bully rank??? theyre so fucking goofy#(in a good way) but they dont feel like serious bullies or they arent on the same level as drew#the rest of the music club knew about hailey and zanders bullies (im pretty sure) so why didnt they know about jake??? he literally was#with them all the time and was very persistent in.. idk being an asshole#theres a lot of plotholes in tmf and i could sit here and ramble and rant about them all i want but i wont cause that would be stupid#i still adore the series for what it has and is#plus sometimes you can fill in certain plotholes for yourself to make the story more enjoyable in your point of view#idk idk man i like rambling about tmf A LOT.#this is way too many tags#oops#EDIT: SORRY SORRY i meant i doubt jake could be forgiven in a single month by zander and hailey#*music#goddamned typos
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Fandom became so unsufferable, thanks for turning my favorite hobby and comfortable space into a fucking minefield!
#I was safer when there were no tag systems or anything really#Did I accidentally get to some gross stuff? Sure#But I would just get away from it. Like everyone did#You might still be thinking to yourself who would ever like something like that but it wound end there#People weren't fucking dipshit about it#I will forever prefer freaks who love stuff I hate but are polite and stay in their space#To anyone policing and morality checking everything#You all are so annoying get your Christian purity culture (because that's what it is idk if you're atheist or whatever)and get the fuck out#You ruined everything#Rant
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