#6 (amaranth)
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mhizzberryart · 11 months ago
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An unusual crossover 😔🌸🎀
Mara belongs to me and Slater belongs to @antihibikase!
Inspired by this tweet and this conversation:
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Cer
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the-insomniac-emporium · 7 months ago
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i think the flowers honestly might take about half the total time on this art piece. they take up about a third of the canvas, but they're mirrored, so you'd think it would be easy (just do one side, copy it, flip it, arrange it, ta-da)
but mama didn't raise someone who understands the time and place to go easy on things. she raised me. a silly goose.
there are more fine details in the flowers than almost anywhere else in the art piece, because I want them to be identifiable to plant nerds. unfortunately for me, one of the flowers in question (Prince's Feather Amaranth) has a LOT of small shapes. works well in the mosaic style, sure, but it is time consuming, and I haven't even gotten to the coloring yet
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chucksnerdthoughts · 4 days ago
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Scarlet Witch #6
I enjoyed that! Amaranth is an interesting new character. Wanda had such big reactions to her mysteries. I too am pulled in. Especially with a childhood locked away by such a powerful spell. I have a feeling this might have bigger consequences down the road... And I'm all for it!
-Chuck
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flawseer · 10 months ago
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Jade Mountain Academy students
#6 - Skywing chapter
I like Skywings a lot actually. I think they were underutilized in the story. And then there is Flame. Poor, lovable Flame. One day I would like to write a more in-depth think piece on him, his character, and his role in the story. But not today, so here are some Skywings:
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Carnelian
Tribe - Skywing
Winglet - Jade
Color - Tomato red
Relatives - none on site
Clawmate(s) - Moonwatcher (Nightwing), Kinkajou (Rainwing)
Favorite subject - Exercise
Least fav. subject - Science
Physical characteristics - tan horns, bendy; banded markings running down upper neck; light to medium scarring across face, neck, and limbs; medium to large stature, well-defined musculature
Other characteristics - selectively uncooperative, refuses to do assignments that annoy her (monitor for now); abrasive, three reported threats of violence against students (monitored, suggest expanding physical extracurricular options to burn off excess energy); appears to respond well to praise
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Flame
Tribe - Skywing
Winglet - Gold
Color - Crimson red
Relatives - none on site
Clawmate(s) - Bigtail (Nightwing), Pike (Seawing)
Favorite subject - did not disclose
Least fav. subject - "All of them"
Physical characteristics - double-bent horns; black dorsal plates and accents; large, jagged scar running across left side of the face, intersecting the eye; blind in left eye; medium size with thin, wiry frame
Other characteristics - very uncooperative, refuses to do assignments and has poor attendance record (monitored, suggest counseling, consider withdrawing from student body if behavior does not improve); emotionally volatile, does not like eye contact, will react with hostility if stared at or if facial scar is mentioned (suggest counseling); shows signs of post traumatic stress and severe self image issues (suggest counseling); has turned down counseling offer (give space for now, ask again later)
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Thrush
Tribe - Skywing
Winglet - Silver
Color - Apricot yellow
Relatives - Peregrine (cousin)
Clawmate(s) - Changbai (Icewing), Boto (Rainwing)
Favorite subject - History
Least fav. subject - Anatomy
Physical characteristics - straight horns; row of dark scales running down ventral side of neck; beak-like mouth; smallish stature, small-boned
Other characteristics - decent work ethic; very energetic, difficulty to sit still; eager to prove personal competence; frequently interrupts people while they're speaking (suggest guidance and monitoring)
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Peregrine
Tribe - Skywing
Winglet - Copper
Color - Brick red
Relatives - Thrush (cousin)
Clawmate(s) - Pronghorn (Sandwing)
Favorite subject - Anatomy
Least fav. subject - Art
Physical characteristics - dark-colored stripe patterns running down the side of the neck; long limbs; medium to large stature with slender features; deaf in left ear
Other characteristics - practically-inclined; morbid sense of humor; tends to play with food before eating; owns a collection of small, sharpened animal bones (has been instructed not to bring them to class); expressed interest in a class/seminar about medicinal herbs
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Garnet
Tribe - Skywing
Winglet - Quartz
Color - Amaranth red
Relatives - none on site
Clawmate(s) - Siamang (Rainwing), Arid (Sandwing)
Favorite subject - History
Least fav. subject - Cultural Exchange
Physical characteristics - sharply bent horns curving inward; ridge of thorn-like spines running from nose down to tip of tail; light scarring across ventral side; large frame with well-defined musclulature
Other characteristics - morose; does not like loud noises or crowds; prefers to eat alone; longest fire-breathing distance; notable age-gap to rest of winglet (no issues so far, but continue to monitor social integration)
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Peril
Tribe - Skywing
Winglet - not assigned
Color - Tiger orange
Relatives - none on site
Clawmate(s) - none
Favorite subject - class attendance suspended
Least fav. subject - class attendance suspended
Physical characteristics - afflicted with firescales, body emits dangerous levels of heat at all times; scales show faint fiery glow like embers; bright yellow vein-like pattern spread through wing membranes; bright blue eyes; tall stature, very thin
Other characteristics - CAUTION! Do not come in physical contact with her, severe burn hazard; instruct student body to keep minimum distance; be mindful of surfaces she was in prolonged contact with, as they could carry residual heat; keep away from flammable areas; we don't know what to do with her yet, for now just give her a place to sleep and eat
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moosesarecute · 4 months ago
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Part 7: The Shadows Sing
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 8
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You were drowning. You felt your hands and foot freeze as you sunk further down into the lake.
You were too weak, so you let your shadows out.
Not even seconds later, they had shadow walked you out of the lake.
However, in front of you wasn’t the beautiful hazel eyes you’d learn to adore, it was Amaranth’s black eyes staring into your soul.
“We’ve got you now. You can’t get away.”
It was Amarantha that was speaking, but the voice was Adrian’s. The illyrian that took your wings.
“I see you’re a shadowsinger,” the voice continued. “We could use one of you on our team.”
You were dying.
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“Please don’t run away,” Azriel said the second you opened your eyes. “You need to rest, you have a fever.”
You sat up in your bed and looked around. You were home and safe. The fire was going.
You noticed the presence of your shadows and immediately hid them away.
You felt warm. Not only from the fire, but from the presence of the illyran male that sat before you. You hated to admit it, but you couldn’t hold it back any longer. You didn’t want to run away from him.
Azriel slowly walked towards you with your mug in his hands. You had made it yourself out of tree.
He handed you the mug and you looked down at the content. You had no idea what it was, but it smelled delicious.
“It’s hot chocolate,” Azriel said before you could question him. “It’s chocolate melted and mixed with milk. Remember to blow on it, it’s hot.”
You nodded and did as he said. It was so good, you felt like you were in heaven.
“Where did you get milk?” You asked him.
Milk was something you’d never have money for. Oat milk you were sometimes able to buy, but never cow milk.
“My shadows got it from Velaris,” he answered.
“Velaris?” You asked him. “Is that a store?”
You had never heard about that, but the name told you it was beautiful.
“It’s a city in the Night Court,” Azriel answered. “I live there.”
You thought back to your time in the Night Court. You were always told the court didn’t have any cities other than Hewn City. You’ve never heard about Velaris.
“It had been a secret for over 5000 years,” Azriel explained. He must have seen your confusion. “It only got revealed during the war against Hybern.”
You tried to imagine what your life had been like if you’d live in a city. If you’d know about a city, you could have escaped the war camp easier and probably hidden well enough to not get caught.
“Many other illyrans still does know about it. That’s probably why you don’t know about it either,” Azriel continued hesitantly. “I talked to Rhys.”
You couldn’t stop yourself as you whipped your head towards Azriel.
“Rhys?” You asked him. “Rhys as in Rhysand as in the High Lord of the Night Court, Rhys?”
He only nodded.
“I’m his spymaster,” Azriel told you.
You immediately stood up from your bed. Your now empty mug fell to the floor.
“Why does he want to spy on me? I haven’t done anything wrong. I would’ve died if I didn’t do that I did. I’m not going back.” You rambled.
Azriel stood from your chair and took a step towards you. His arms were lifted, it was like he wanted to hold you, but he soon lowered them again.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “I’m not here to spy on you. Definitely not here because Rhys said so. I’m here because I’m curious about you. I’m also here because I realized I like talking to you. No other reasons.”
It didn’t calm you down. You felt so vulnerable.
You’d let a spy into your home. Not only a spy, but an illyrian spy.
You can’t believe you thought of him as safe.
“You’ve used your five minutes,” you replied with a shaky voice. “The bargain was that you’d leave me alone after the five minutes.”
His eyes widened a little as he shock his head.
“The bargain was that I’d leave you after five minutes of questioning if you told me to leave,” Azriel told you and moved towards you. He lifted his arms again, but this time he put them on your arms. You loved the feeling. One simple touch from him made your anxiety disappear. “Tell me to leave, and I’ll leave.”
You looked deep into his hazel eyes. You didn’t want him to leave. You wanted him to stay. For him to continue holding you.
“I…,” you started, but had to stop.
You heard him draw a sharp breath and felt his shadows in your hair. They then moved to caress your cheeks.
You felt worry spreading through your body. You didn’t understand why, it’s not like he would reject your request for him to stay. He literally just told you he wanted to stay.
That’s when you realized, you felt his emotions. You’d been feeling them ever since the bond snapped for you, but it felt so much stronger.
You realized his grip on your arms had tightened, not in a dangerous manner, but in a protective one.
“It snapped for you too?” You asked him before you even thought about it.
He just nodded as his eyes grew in size.
You almost laughed.
“I don’t want you to leave,” you told him. Knowing he felt as nervous as you did made you confident.
“Then I won’t leave,” he answered determinedly.
“Good,” you said. “I’m going to sleep.”
He let out a small laugh.
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You’d slept through the night and woke up to a ready breakfast. You didn’t talk much while eating, you only focused on savoring the taste. You loved the feeling of being full.
“What happened yesterday?” Azriel asked you when you’d both finished eating.
You thought for a second. You felt so embarrassed. You didn’t want him to look at you as weak.
“There are a pair of twins in my hunting group,” you started to explain. “They’re the best of all of us.” You had to draw a breath before you continued. “They thought it funny to pull my prosthetic from my foot and throw it out onto the ice. I had to crawl out to get it and fell through the ice.”
You could see the anger spreading through Azriel’s entire body.
“How did you get out?”
“I waited for them to leave and shadow walked out of the lake,” you explained. “They didn’t want to help me further.”
Azriel tucked his wings back as he thought. He pushed his shoulders back.
“I want to train you,” he explained. “Both in combat and how to control your shadows.”
You didn’t hesitate as you agreed to take his training.
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“Balance is the most important part of fighting, both with and without shadows,” Azriel explained to you.
It had been a week since the lake incident and your fever was long gone.
Azriel had met you twice during the week and finally agreed that you were healthy enough for training. What he didn’t know was that you’d been out hunting every day this week and had been categorizing yourself as healthy all along.
The two of you can found a clearing far away from anyone you knew and decided it would be your training spot.
Azriel had his shadows in every direction, so that you would know if anyone got close to where you were.
“We start with your right foot,” Azriel told you next. “You’ll need to balance and I’ll poke you with this stick trying to make you unbalanced. Got it?”
You nodded as you lifted your left foot off the ground.
“Do you always carry all your weight on your right foot when you stand?” Azriel asked you.
You were about to answer him when he poked you with the stick. You used all the strength you had, but managed to stay upright.
“Yes,” you answered him.
“We’ll have to change that,” he explained. “It’s a weakness that’s easy to notice.”
You knew he meant well, but you didn’t like that he talked about your weaknesses. You’d spent your entire life trying to hide your weaknesses and Azriel picked up on the weakest one within minutes of you two training.
You were soon pulled out of your thoughts when the male poked you again with his stick. This time, you didn’t do so well.
You lost balance completely and you were about to step down on your prosthetic leg, when you were covered in shadows.
Not yours, they would never help you like that, but Azriel’s. They felt a lot cooler than yours, but they were careful around you.
They helped you regain your balance and soon you stood still on your right foot once more.
“Our goals is for you to use your own shadows to stabilize you if you loose balance,” Azriel told you. “Just like my shadows just did. That way, we can practice both balance and shadow control at the same time.”
You nodded at him, but you felt like the task would be way too hard. Your shadows never listened to you other than shadow walking. They never liked to take directions from you.
Azriel looked like he was waiting for you and you realized he wanted you to let your shadows loose.
It felt extremely unnatural to let someone else see your shadows, but your shadows were ecstatic.
“Yayyyyy.”
“Friends!!!”
“Mate!”
“Safe!”
They immediately surrounded Azriel and both yours and his shadows started to dance together in the wind.
You liked to see them this happy. Usually they hid away and moved around slowly. You often thought of them as moody teenagers.
“You’re ready?” Azriel asked.
You were still standing on your right foot as Azriel did his best to get you unbalanced.
“Try to get them to help you,” he instructed you.
You drew a big breath and tried to lighten the tone of your voice.
“Can you help me stay balanced?” You asked your shadows. “Please?”
They reacted worse than you expected.
One second they were dancing around with their friends and the next one, they had pushed you so that you ended up on the ground.
You felt your cheeks getting red. You felt so embarrassed you couldn’t control the shadows that were a part of you.
You looked up to Azriel. He stood and held out a hand to help you up. You looked past his hand and glared at him. He wore a smug smile.
“Are you laughing at me?” You asked him. You were pretending to be annoyed, but you couldn’t lie, you’d never be annoyed at him for this.
He shrugged as he helped you stand.
“We’ll change to the other side, okay?”
You moved your weight over to your prosthetic and lifted your right leg off the ground.
“Ready?”
You nodded. You were struggling, so you spent all your energy staying balanced and had no energy left to answer him with words.
Azriel poked you with the stick and you immediately lost balance. You had to set down your right foot and you then spent a few moments before you managed to balance on your prosthetic once more.
You had a long way to go.
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Azriel had left after your training session. He gave to you tasks before he left. First one was to practice balance on both your foot and prosthetic. The second one was to become friends with your shadows.
“They’re your companions,” he had said. “You’re supposed to help each other.”
So you decided that for them to be your friends, you had to make them happy. And your shadows loved two things more than everything else. They loved to be out in fresh air and they loved to bother you.
So your daily routine the last week had been you and your shadows, practicing balancing in the clearing you and Azriel had found. You would balance and they would try to overturn you. They were very rough against you, so you fell more times than you should in the beginning. However, your shadows have never been happier.
Throughout the next few weeks you would, after advice from Azriel, let your shadows roam free also when you weren’t with him. You would leave them at home if you left the house to meet with Master Raven and the rest of your hunting team, but you’d bring one that would cling to your tight the entire time.
If you went hunting, they would come with you. They would keep their distance, hiding behind trees or in bushes, but again one of them would always stay close to you.
After a while, they started to argue about who’d stay with you and who’d be on their own. The luckiest one was the one that was allowed to be with you on your adventures.
“My turn!”
“No, my turn!”
“You went last time!”
You learned to know the difference between the shadows and had different inside jokes with all of them.
They finally had become what Azriel had described them as: your companions, your friends.
As winter turned to spring and the nature begun to bloom, so did the relationship between you and your shadows.
However, also the relationship between you and Azriel had bloomed a little.
Not a lot, you were nowhere near accepting the mating bond, but you’d become friends at least. You’d start every training session by talking about what had happened since last.
You’d learn about his family, he’d learn about the people in your hunting group.
You’d told him nothing about why you were hunting or how you ended up in The Middle and he told you nothing about what he was working on. You had a mutual understanding that you both needed time before you could talk about that.
You one thing you knew for sure, you’d never been happier.
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@i-have-a-thing-for-the-dark @saltedcoffeescotch @rcarbo1 @mrsjna @kitsunetori @thecraziestcrayon @blessthepizzaman
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anon-402 · 1 year ago
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All 'Dia de Los Muertos' references in today's QSMP event
I’ve seen it in Xitter but not yet in Tumblr, so I’m gonna go and translate each Egg’s book with the references to the deities that are mention within.
(English is not my first language. Sorry for any typo or grammar mistake).
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For Tilin:
Tilin, my girl, I’m sorry you couldn’t enjoy the life it was expected for you, but don’t be afraid you will be with mom at Chichihualcuauhco[1] where I will take care of you. I won’t let anything hurt my helpless girl until you have the opportunity to be reborn again, you didn’t deserve to join the Gods in the underworld. - Tezcatlipoca[2]
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For Bobby:
My little Bobby, you have proven to own dignity and courage to fight for what is right, As a result of this, I’ve invited you to my kingdom  Tonatiuhichan[3], where at my side, you and other warriors will sing about their deeds and will dance until midnight, so you can enjoy forever the sunset that you adore so much. - Tonaituh[4]
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For Juana:
Juana, it’s an honor for me and my wife Mictecachihuatl[5] to have you join us in the Mictlan[6]. Even though your dead was an accident, you may enjoy the journey that is our kingdom. You treated nature with respect in your life, so our dogs are excited to meet you at last. You will join us in the infinity of the universe forever. - Mictlantecuhtli [7]
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For Trump:
Oh Trump, I’m sorry that my currents took you to this destiny, but to compensate I will invite you to Tlalocan[8], where you may join us in our celebration without end, and you may eat all the corn, amaranth, pumpkin, tomato and chile you want. In my kingdom, I promise you there’s no suffering and you will never be alone. - Tlaloc [9]
Now for all the little references:
[1] Chichihualcuauhco:
Afterlife in which children who died young or in childbirth are sent and fed from the “wet-nurse tree” (You can’t see it in the photo, but there was a tree in Tilin’s altar). Souls here wait for their next opportunity to be reborn.
[2] Tezcatlipoca:
He’s one of the four creator gods of the universe. I’m not an expert on Aztec mythology and I wasn’t really into Tilin’s lore, so I’m kinda uncertain as to why he was the one to write to them or how are they connected.
[3] Tonatiuhichan:
One of the afterlife paradises, where the soul of warries who died in battle go. It was believed that warriors could go back to their homes (land of the living) as hummingbirds. (Fun fact: Woman who died at childbirth would be given the same rank as the warriors who died in battle and would be sent to a similar place called Cihuatlampa!)  
[4] Tonatiuh:
God of the sun (who runs Tonatiuhichan), who most believed was the creator of the Flor of Cempasúchil.
[5] Mictecachihuatl:
Lady of the Dead, Mictlantecuhtli’s consort. She guards the bones of the dead. (Fun Fact: In Oaxaca, is known as Matlacihua, and is said to punish womanizing and drunken men who walk late at night. Kinda funny considering Mariana and Slime’s interactions lmao.)
[6] Mictlan:
The underworld. Most people who die travel to Mictlan. To travel to the kingdom, you have to go through nine levels, which kinda needs dogs to carry the dead across the river. Same reason as to why Juana is sent dogs. (Fun fact: Depending in the color of the dog, they would act different. Yellow ones would just carry the soul, white ones would refuse cause they just washed themselves, and black dogs would refuse cause they just swum the river.)
[7] Mictlantecuhtli:
Lord of the Dead, king of Mictlan. There’s nothing much to say about him; he just simply tried to maintain order in the kingdom and was kinda of an asshole to other gods. There’s a whole myth about other Gods wanting to repopulate Earth, and him going ‘Nuh uh’ until Quetzalcóatl gets tired of him and steals the human bones from Mictlan lol.
[8] Tlalocan:
The afterlife of the Nectar. Better known as the water paradise, where those who died through drowning (or anything associated with rain for that matter) go. I read somewhere that there’s a theory of Trump dying because he drown in his own tears, so that’s why he was invited by Tlaloc.
[9] Tlaloc:
The God of rain, associated as the giver of life. The flower Tagetes Lucida are kind of like the Cempasúchil, and are his symbol.
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ceeplays · 11 months ago
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Favorite Default Replacements & Game Override Mods (Part 1 - Object Overrides)
A compiled list of my favorite default replacement and override mods from the past year, plus a few classics that I just couldn't leave out. This is Part 1/3 of a collection of cc finds.
(More info and download links below the cut). ♥
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𝐻𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓎 𝒩𝑒𝓌 𝒴𝑒𝒶𝓇! ₊˚⊹ ᰔ
I hope you all had a lovely, restful holiday, and that the bugs in For Rent haven't made you rage quit just yet. •ᴗ• I don't know about you guys, but lately I've been feeling extra grateful for all the stunning creations our modding community has been releasing. So, I figured I'm long overdue for another mod rec list and voila! - here we are.
This time, I'll be linking my favorite default replacement and override mods! While I mostly focused on newer releases, I also tried to add some overrides I don't frequently see mentioned on YT or in rec lists.
The original post got quite lengthy, so Tumblr forced me to divide this list into three (3) separate parts (sorry for the inconvenience!). - Part 2: Food & Kitchen, and World Overrides (here) - Part 3: Electronics & Font Replacements (here)
As always, I hope you find this useful, happy holidays to all who celebrate, & happy simming! ♥
------------------₊˚⊹♡
Object Overrides:
@kirsicca : (1) The Modern Loveseat, (2) The Amaranth Sink, (3) Barely-Used BG Toilets
@surely-sims : (1) Growing Together Treehouse (becomes seasonal), (2) Vanity Make-Up Props, (3) Fire Alarm, (4) No Footprint Sleeping Bags, (5) Invisible Bassinet, (6) Basinet, (7) Booboo Billy Toy, (8) Nesting Blocks
@depthofpixels-cc : (1) Growing Together Treehouse Slide
@cowplant-snacks : (1) Seasons Holiday Tree
@lonvely : (1) Magnolia Promenade Trolley, (2) Toothbrush
@symphonysim : (1) Horse Grooming Tools
@dscombobulate : (1) Boxing Gloves, (2) Toothbrush
@superflare : (1) Infant & Toddler Sippy Cup
@simder-talia-blog (original creator unknown) : (1) Ice Skates
@elflike : (1) Ice Skates
@duplica-imite : (1) Ice Skates
@vroshii : (1) Ping Pong Paddle (becomes tennis racket)
@myxdollyt : (1) Fenty Make-Up Override, (2) Bratz Make-Up Override
@simmerwellpupper : (1) Game Controller (PS5 DualSense Controller)
@largetaytertots : (1) Default Replacement Haul (Lipstick, Pet Carrier, Mop, Pet Leash, Rake, Snow Shovel, Infant Toy, & more!), (2) Laundry Pile, (3) Folded Laundry, (4) Razor, (5) Cleaning Overrides (Sponge & Cleaning Spray)
@vixonspixels : (1) Female Roller Blades, (2) Folded Laundry, (3) Infant Bath Sponge, (4) High School Bus, (5) Restaurant Menu, (6) High School Homework, (7) High School Textbook, (8) University Homework, (9) Pencil, (10) Dog Leash
@bbygyal123 : (1) Infant Carrier
@apricotrush : (1) Scrub Daddy Sponge, (2) Presents, (3) Cleaning Spray
@serkisyan : (1) Playing Cards, (2) Make-Up, (3) Mail Envelopes/Bills, (4) Paint Brush/Easel Pencil, (5) Electric Toothbrush, (6) Charcoal Toothbrush, (7) Infant Bottle, (8) Cleaning Spray #1, (9) Cleaning Spray #2
@channel4sims-cc : (1) Aquarium Fish, (2) Kitchen Sponge, (3) Infant Bath Seat, (4) Infant Rubber Duck
@sims41ife : (1) Totoro Watering Can, (2) Laundry Bag & Pile, (3) Public Phone Booth (includes simlish swatches), (4) Game Controller, (5) Coffee Cup
@awingedllama : (1) Infant Crib, (2) Game Controller, (3) Bassinet
@cecesimsxo : (1) Infant Bottle
@ellcrze : (1) Infant Bottle, (2) Sponge
@bellassims : (1) Mysims Trophies (become squishmallows), (2) Mysims tTophies (become tsum tsum plushies), (3) Mysims Trophies (become disney tsum tsums)
@cocoelleansims : (1) Infant Bottle, (2) Grocery Bag, (3) Plopsy (becomes etsy)
@imfromsixam : (1) Infant Bottle, (2) Infant Rug, (3) Stand Mixer, (4) Invisible Bassinet
@hydrangeachainsaw : (1) Game Controller #1, (2) Game Controller #2, (3) Infant Bath Seat, (4) Infant Bottle (warning - paywalled)
@pixelvibes : (1) Elephant Watering Can (warning - paywalled), (2) Infant Bath Seat (warning - paywalled)
------------------₊˚⊹♡
the end! ♥
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sknnyvanilla · 2 days ago
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The Chic Diet by kit olsen
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Diets
The Baby Food Diet
Ohmigod, tell me more, right? Enter: the Baby Food Diet.
You don't have to chew anything since the blender did that for you. Portion control won't be an issue either since all of the stores carry single-servings with really low calorie counts. And, like, I guess that babies need clean and well-rounded food or something because, like, all of the ingredients are things that you've heard before and are actually good for you. It's like a juice fast, but with a little more substance and a little less lawnmower drippings. But, like, waaay more affordable, so you can use all of the money that you save on some flavored Pedialyte, which is really just like a zero-calorie coconut water.
Plus, thanks to all of the crazy and demanding yoga mommies decked out in Lululemon with their obscenely expensive strollers, Whole Foods has really upped their game in the baby food aisle. There's seriously a flavour for whatever type of mood that you might be in so don't even worry about the lack of variety. It's like chic girl heaven. Make sure you get there early though, so you won't have to fight with the colicky toddler in the Missoni Bugaboo over the last "zucchini banana & amaranth."
Ella's Kitchen and Plum Organics are good for your basic blends of fruits and vegetables, but I swear that the marketing team at Earth's Best was targeting chic/orthorexic adults when naming their product lines. "Antioxidant Blends?" "Super Fruits?" "Gourmet Meals and Seasonal Harvest?" Um, yea, okay. Like 6 month olds care about that kind of shit.
So, apparently, Tracy Anderson (bless her heart) suggests that one should consume 14 jars per day. Um, no. It's not like we're headed into famine or something. A couple of jars or pouches should suffice and, even then, you should be watching your carb intake. That means NO all-fruit blends, you fat fuck. Make sure to pick vegetable-heavy varieties, though those can be sugarific also. I mean, even "spinach + apple + rutabagas" has 8 grams of carbs after adjusting for fibre. Ugh. Who knew that babies were such sugar whores? It's just, like, really unfair for all of the other customers who are trying to watch their figures.
Take a good look at Abbey Lee Kershaw and Hedi Slimane. See their jutting cheekbones and bulging eyeballs? Yours can totally be like that too, so long as you're willing to adhere to the uber cutesy diet that these two effortlessly chic Skeletors have been known to follow.
Now, everyone that knows that digestion isn't very glamorous. The act of mastication is, in itself, so very vulgar, and then that nasty bolus of caloric horror settles into your distended stomach, stirring up a whirlwind of has and discomfort as it waits for hours to be broken down. After that harrowing process, a trillion fat globules get sent directly to your upper arms and inner thighs. And then, well, you know... something really un-chic happens in le toilette.
But what if you could bypass all of that unpleasantry and just follow a really adorable diet that consists of only a few hundred calories a day? And, like, your stomach will stay flat since it's not filled with festering kale and noxious fumes.
The Air Diet
Every wannabe Carrie Bradshaw (or Charlotte York if you're really annoying) yearns to achieve maximal chicness with minimal effort. And nobody can do posh like the French, right? Even their diets ooze superior elegance that we ugly Americans could only aspire to attain.
Like, take the Air Diet, or L'Air Fooding as French Grazia dubbed it. God, even the name is so chic, I DIE. So anyway, you basically pretend to eat whatever the hell you want, without actually allowing it touch your lips. Naysayers and physicians will be like, "Ohmigod, that's called anorexia!", but, um, no. Anorexia is what my roommate, Sydney, has, and she won't even go near food without having a twitching episode. This is, like, a lot healthier psychologically.
I mean, I totally get it. Everyone knows that enjoying food is an experience and this diet allows you to immerse yourself in the whole process until the actual eating part. But you still get to order your meal, pay for it, cut it up, smell the aromas, and Instagram pictures of your drool-worthy plate. You just don't absorb all of the calories and fat associated with ingesting the actual food. It's like you're a chic French diet mime who traded eating for the right to talk. Ooh, maybe you can buy a really cute. A.P.C. striped shirt to go with your performance. So authentic.
It's not like you don't eat at all, either. You still get to binge on all of the la soupe a l'eau (translation: chic soup with an uber pretentious name) that you want. Oh, you want to know what's in it> Um, I had the recipe right here. Hold on. Oh, here it is. Boiled water and sea salt. Hm. But sea salt has, like, a lot of minerals in it, right? How nutritious.
So, yea. It seems like the majority of my friends have been on this diet for a really long time. Like even before that issue came out. What trendsetters. I mean, it's a great way for cutting calories, you know? As a bonus, it's not even restrictive! Like, you can help yourself to all of the fancily named soup and air that you want. And, like, a variety of air at that. Just stroll through the perfume section at Barney's or traipse through Le Labo when you're feeling bored with the plain, bourgeoisie oxygen around you. And if you're feeling especially ravenous (um, binge eating disorder, anyone?) you can practice some yoga breathing. It's like dietary meditation. Kay, now Ocean Breath, everyone.
The Paleo Diet
While cavemen might not have been very fashion-forward, they apparently knew how to be skinny motherfuckers. The Museum of Natural History really needs to slim down the mannequins in the exhibit to reflect this don't you think? So inaccurate. Anyway, this hunter-gatherer-centric diet is very simple in that it has one rule- only eat shit that Betty Flinstone would have prepared.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with history, this means that Kettle Chips and peanut butter are no-goes. Anything processed, such as Lean Cuisines, or foods that require relatively modern technology to produce, such as grains, are not allowed. Neither are dairy products, refined sugars, legumes, potatoes, processed oils or alcohol. Yup, even alcohol. No, they did not have "Stone Age" vodka or sugar-free "Bedrock" Red Bull back then. Yes, I am positive.
Anyway, you're basically allowed to have wild seafood, organic eggs, grass-fed game, vegetables, fruits and some nuts. The idea behind this style of eating is that humans, as a species, have not greatly evolved since the era of our cave dwelling ancestors. That is, our digestive systems are largely genetically similar to those of dinosaurs and are still not fully adapted to the vast changes in diet that have occurred since the dawn of the agricultural age. Simply put, we're not that great at digesting the majority of the shit foods that line supermarket shelves today. Yes, even the shelves at Whole Foods.
By following the palaeolithic diet, however, we would be providing our bodies with ideal foods to which our digestive systems are genetically adapted, When we are better able to process and absorb nutrients from these easily digested foods, we would be more capable of achieving optimal health.
But who really cares about primal strength and surly shit like that? Not me or any of my friends, despite the fact that everyone I know has "gone Paleo." What we love about this diet is the amount of control and restriction that it provides the user. You can basically reject most foods so long as you can come up with some inane reason as to why. "I'm only channeling cavewomen who lived in the Northern Hemisphere, and I don't think those were native to that region," you can say with a dismissive sniff as you swat away a platter of seasonal stone fruit. Um, apricots have a lot of carbs, didn't you know?
Plus, the diet itself is just really trendy. It's like the new Dukan Diet, which was originally the new Atkins, which was basically the new Cabbage Soup Diet. You'll probably be consuming the same meals that you normally are, but can now affix the hip label of "Paleo" to your dietary habits. But don't do that shit where you put goat's milk butter in your coffee or inhale bushels of avocados in one sitting- no=carb calories are still calories, after all.
The Ridiculously Low Carb Diet
In the world of the chic, all of the inhabitants are consumed with keeping their carb intakes as close to zero as humanly possible. Throw any generic food product at a chic girl and she can spit back its estimated carbohydrate content in mere seconds. And, as if she were a neurologist treating childhood epilepsy, she knows the ins and outs of the ketogenic diet like the back of her Rodin Crema slathered hand.
Though she may have no idea what mitosis is, or how photosynthesis works, ant legitimate chic girl could pass a PhD-level Nutrition exam with flying colours. "In order to get into a state of ketosis, you need to deplete the glycogen stores in your liver and muscles before even tapping into your fat energy sources. To do that, you have to keep your net carbohydrate intake below 25 grams a day," she will prattle off expertly, though she may not even have the faintest idea what she is actually talking about.
Basically, she knows that the lower your carbohydrate intake, the more fat you will end up burning. Thus, being the borderline-psychotic overachiever that she is, she will set an upper limit of approximately 5 grams of net carbohydrates per day for herself.
Plus, carbs are totes unnecessary. No one has ever looked cute while gorging on a slice of pizza or inhaling a burrito. But nibbling on a piece of asparagus or noshing on a sliver of pecorino is just adorbs. They're like low glycaemic pieces de resistance that compliment your Zac Posen cocktail dress. Bread used to be the official food of peasants, just so you know.
"I only eat foods that are green or white," were the first words that my soon-to be-future roommate, Lauren, ever muttered to me. No mention of her name, age or hometown- nothing. That's how seriously a true chic girl take her carbohydrate consumption- it defines who she is.
"What do you mean?" I had asked innocently like a clueless martian. Mind you, I still wore leggings and thought Greek Yogurt parfaits were healthy at the time. (I know, I know- don't judge me.)
Lauren, bless her heart, had then taken me under her wing, expertly gu8iding me into my current status of perpetual ketosis. We basically subsist on kale, spinach, avocado, egg whites, cheese, white fish and chicken breasts. And what can I say? I'm obsessed. The far just melted off like butter (which is totally allowed, by the way.) Like, I never want to belong to any other metabolic state of mind. It's just so simple, and everyone's doing it. I mean, just saunter into a Fashion Week after party and it'll reek of Chanel Chance and ketones. So chic.
So you can go the high fat route a la Atkins, or limit your fat consumption in the way of Dukan practitioners. Either way, you'll lose the flab and be super taut. But you can never go wrong with the Green and White Diet, the secret weapon of fashionistas in the know. And, while trends may come and go, there is one combination that will always be in style- ketosis breath and look of death. #Chic
The Strategic Starvation Diet
"You just don't eat for, like 18 hours a day," the chic girl will explain when concerned friends inquire about her new stringent diet du jour. "But you totally get to have balanced meals for the other 6! It was on the news. They tested it on mice and they, like, totally lived longer. Ew."
Intermittent fasting is like a godsend for the chic. Apparently, it's actually really healthy and has a bunch of scientific studies published to back it up. Not that the chic girl will ever read them, of course. But if positive results actually exist, then there's actually something to validate her cray.
I mean, what kind of diet condones extended periods of starvation? It's as if this way of eating was made up specifically with the chic bitches in mind. Not to mention that i's supposedly uber effective! Like, in clinical trials, researchers found that overweight participants how utilized intermittent fasting lost way more fat than those who ate the same meals spread throughout the day. I knew that whole "6 mini meals a day" adage was total bullshit!
Of course, the chic girl is just an extreme case of human, so she'll narrow her eating window to 2 hours or so. Some deranged bitches may even aim for 20 minutes! Talk about efficiency.
There's an even wackier version of this method that's been named the "Bulletproof Diet," whatever that means. Basically, you drink black coffee with butter or coconut oil stirred in so that you don't get hungry while in your fasted state. Um, that sounds like a lot of unnecessary calories. And chic girls don't get plagued with hunger- we like to refer to it as "getting of track.: Lile, seriously? Drinking butter> That's not even real fasting. People have no willpower nowadays.
Supporters of this way of eating suggest that people snack on healthy foods during their feeding periods, like bananas and apples. Um, bananas are super starchy. And apples? Did you know that apples don't actually have much nutritional value> The only real benefit that comes form apples is from pectin, which will help to regulate digestion. but since chic girls already consume astronomical amounts of fibre, they won't be receiving many benefits from munching on apples. They can totally get their Vitamin C from elsewhere. Ohmigod, you're learning, like, so much from me. This might as well be a textbook!
I suggest that you nibble on a piece of cheese or some veggies during your allotted eating time. That way, you can totally maximize ketosis and burn as much fat as fucking possible. I mean, Emily Blunt's character in The Devil Wears Prada totally knew what she was doing. She was just way ahead of her time. Like, don't you want to be one stomach fu away from sample size too?
The Raw Food Diet
This one's for the extremists, of which there are many in the upper echelons of the chic. Basically, you stick to a diet of uncooked veggies all day long, with the occasional piece of fruit thrown in. As expected, these bitches are skinny as fuck and look great in just about anything. They also absorb, like, maximal nutrients and have beautiful skin and hair. Plus, they get to lecture and judge others all day long about the importance of enzymes and whatnot. These skinny twigs can also consume bushels of allowed foods and still keep their daily calorie counts in the hundreds. Totes ideal, if you can stomach it, I mean. But have you ever tried raw broccoli or mushrooms? Ew.
If you've lost all sensory input from your taste buds, as can happen when on frightening amount of amphetamines, this is the perfect lifestyle for you. You can be like a super svelte panda bear and nosh on stalks of celery or fistfuls of curly kale all day. You'll lose heaps of weight and will have a spotless digestive tract, I'm sure. Just be proactive about taking, like, 15 Beano with each meal. Gas isn't cute, even if it's being caused by adorable produce like grape tomatoes and baby carrots.
Some people will get all technical and allow themselves to have sashimi, but staunch raw foodists will shake their heads at this practice. I don't see what's wrong with it, especially since sushi is, like, so yum. Anyway, soaked nuts and sprouted seeds are allowed, but make sure to watch how much you eat. They're still packed with calories and, this, aren't totally conducive to rapid fat obliteration.
People on the raw food diet love to chirp about mental clarity and feelings of euphoria, but I think that they're just really happy because they can slip into Gareth Pugh leather leggings without putting up a struggle. I highly doubt that weeping into bowls of raw radicchio and consuming bland vegetables dressed in the salt of my tears would make me feel vibrant and more alive. I mean, I would be completely ecstatic about sticking to a strict diet of copper pennies and shards of glass if it, too, left me with a 3-inch thigh cap. But to each her own, I suppose.
It's also well known that a lot of working models are technically raw foodies since they basically just consume cauliflower smoothies and piles of wilted spinach. No wonder they always look so sad. But have you seen their hip bones? Um, yea.
So I totally just ordered a raw organic vegan Kale Dulse Salad and a cold-pressed coffee from Seamless. They better fucking hurry before all the nutrients break down. Ooh, do you think calories can break down over time too? Let's hope so. Enzymes, here I come!
The One Food Diet
Basically, anyone who lacks even a smidgen of self-control should consider this dietary tactic. It allows no leeway for excuses or exceptions so long as you follow just one simple rule: consume only one type of food.
When you define vague dietary rules, such as allowing low-carb or liquid items, you'll find that the hungry fatass within will convince herself that certain foods fit the guidelines. I mean, butterscotch pot de creme is technically liquid, right? And an entire stick of butter covered in guacamole is totes low-carb. Inhaling, like, three bowls of blood orange sorbet doesn't constitute cheating on a raw food diet, either...
Stop. Just stop. You obvi have issues with following rules, oh voracious one. Technicalities are just fancy excuses for the dietarily inept, and one shouldn't be allowed to make risky, body composition-altering decisions when starving and delirious. So do as the OCD-inflicted waifs do and pick one food with which to thoroughly familiarize yourself to the point of disgust for the next two weeks.
You won't have to waste time obsessing over meal planning or calculating nutritional contents. It's basically like putting your diet on auto-pilot ass you graze on your one allowed food in a fat-shedding haze. Honestly, yo can pick whatever you want, since you'll likely get sick of it as time goes on. Like, did you know that Uma Thurman once went on an ice cream diet? She lost 25 pounds over a six-week period. On ice cream. ON ICE CREAM.
Now, I don't suggest that you pick the congealed, sweetened mucus of dairy cows as your food of choice, as that' s just, like, not really a good starting point. Pick something like tomatoes, or green apples, or avocados, Bananas and grapes work also, but do keep in mind that they are quite high in sugar. My personal choices are either eggs or grapefruit with Splenda. Whatever you choose, make sure to stick with it. That's all there is to it.
Some proponents believe that partaking in the consumption of only one type of food allows your body to become more efficient at digesting and metabolizing it, but I'm not sure. I mean, I guess it makes sense. But who really gives a fuck about all of that health-boosting mumbo jumbo? The real reason that this diet is so attractive and effective is because it helps to teach you a lesson in discipline and restraint. By sticking to this diet for just a short while, you'll see that you're more than capable of controlling yourself when it comes to impulsive food-related decisions.
It's like dietary therapy, but without having to visit an overpriced psychiatrist who just nods along and asks you obvious questions about how you feel about that time you ate a lobster roll. Um, I feel like shit, okay? You didn't need to remind me. That's why I'm allowing myself zucchini slices for the next month, duh.
The Two Cup Diet
Did you know that your stomach is only the size of your fist? So why are you stuffing it until you can't breathe? Um, I don't care if you're a firm believer in Volumetrics- that method only works if you're feasting on organic iceberg lettuce and sparkling water.
Now, getting a bariatric surgery done costs roughly $30,000. Trust me, I went to go get an estimate. The doctor was actually really rude and scoffed at me during the consultation, which I really took offense to. He was all, "Um, you know that this is for, like, clinically obese people, right?" So I was like, "Er, yea. It's called preventative medicine, natch." And then he, like, totally rolled his eyes at me and said in a condescending tone, "You obvi don't qualify for the procedure, especially since your BMI totes falls into the underweight category. Sorrz." I'm not an expert in medical law or anything, but I think that's called discrimination. Horrible bedside manner, not to mention illegal, no? I really need to call my dad's attorney about this.
Anyway, my friend, Melissa, found a totally cheap alternative to getting your stomach stapled until it's the size of a walnut. She learned it from a group of 14 year old Latvian models that she shared a room with during Milan Fashion Week. You basically take two tiny Dixie cups and fill them with whatever food you might please, though preferably of the low-calorie, low-carb and low-fat variety. Then you can enjoy your mini feast without worrying about portion control. It takes the stomach roughly four hours to empty, so you can set an alarm on your iPhone for four hour intervals to remind you of when you're allowed to have another two cups. Um, genius, right? And who said that teenaged models needed to stay in school to have good heads on their shoulders?
Don't abuse this system by using the red plastic cups of beer pong infamy, though. You're not an obese retired frat boy living it up in Murray Hill. By Dixie cups, I'm referring to the uber cutesy 3 oz. waxed paper ones that are meant for gargling in the bathroom. If you want to take it to the next level, you can also use tiny utensils, like oyster forks, to slow down your consumption and increase satiety. There w as this one girl that I interned with who carried around a tiny Tiffany & Co. silver baby spoon with her everywhere. Totally crazy, yet totally chic. Did I mention that she weighed, like, 85 pounds?
So who cares if you look like an unhinged betch for scarfing down tiny bites of wild mushroom fricassee from a mouthwash-delivery vessel using a toddler's fork? You'll be laughing all the way past the antiseptic-scented waiting room of a really rude weight loss surgeon's shabbily decorated Upper East Side clinic while your critics slowly begin to qualify for Lap-band installation. Um, who said that preventative medicine had to cost a year's worth of college tu8ition? People with no self-control, obvi.
The HCG Diet
Only a batshit cray person would willingly stab herself repeatedly while wincing and bellowing in pain, right? Um, yes, but that mentally unstable waif wielding the 25 gauge needle sure is tiny. Enter the HCG Diet, a regimen in which one is required to inject oneself with a variety of vitamins and hormones while subsisting on a maximum of 500 calories per day. HCG, or Human Chorionic Gonadotrophin, is basically a hormone produced by pregnant women soo after conception for... I don't know. The guy who came up with the idea to implement it in a weight loss regimen said that it suppresses your appetite and helps with fat loss, or whatever. Anyway its use as a weight loss agent is, like, really frowned upon by the FDA, which everyone knows must mean that it totally works. Like, remember ephedra? And phentermine? Uh, yea.
It's really easy. You basically follow an ultra low-calorie, low-carbohydrate, low fat, high-protein diet (uh, don't we regardless?) and give yourself daily injections of Vitamin B-12 and HCG in your hips and thighs, respectively. A physician or medical professional has to hand then over, so expect to pay a pretty penny (or 60 thousand) for a three-week program. If you're feeling super ambitious, you can also drag the whole thing our for six weeks!
Everyone will be like, "Er, of course you're losing weight. You're only eating 500 calories each day!" Ohmigod, really? Thanks for the news flash. I totally didn't know that. Um, of course anyone will lose weight on a 500-calorie diet, you observant twats. But who (other than an anorexic ballerina) actually has the discipline to stick to those numbers? Uh, a really chic girl who just blew one week's pay on dietary heroin, that's who.
So even if HCG isn't actually clinically proven to assist with fat loss or appetite suppression, who really cares? Even if you had spent hundreds of dollars on sterile syringes filled with Flinstones vitamins diluted in Diet Sprite, you would still have an obligation to stick to the accompanying regimen. I';s called financial responsibility, people!
But, oh Chic One, how come we can't just use the homeopathic drops that they sell on Amazon? I don't want to hurt myself, you say. I really don't like needles, you cry out. Um, in case you haven't been paying attention, there's a concept called "No Pain, A Lotta Gain." And it's just, like, totes legit? I mean, just because you rub to botulism toxin all over your skin doesn't mean that you're going to do skit about your crow's feet or laugh lines. You're just going to have a really dirty face. But inject some Botox all up in those crevices? Um, hello Bruce Jenner!
Besides, didn't you know that "homeopathic" is just Latin for "faker than a Canal Street Kurakami Multicolore Monogram Speedy 25?" Ew.
The Cabbage Soup Diet
"I lost, like, 10 pounds in 3 days," the chic girl will announce with widened eyes to all of her entranced comrades. "I didn't even know that I had that much to lose!"
Going on the cabbage soup diet is akin to complaining about having to fly home for the holidays or binge drinking over Memorial Day Weekend- it's just ingrained in American culture. Eating disordered betches of yore have passed this timeless diet on from generation to generation and, as unglamorous as it may be, it still prevails as a magic bullet of sorts to this day. So when you need to get skinny stat, show a little patriotic spirit and boil up a giant vat of cabbage and under-seasoned water. Your tummy won't thank you, but your thigh gap sure will.
You can binge if you'd like, but I'm sure you won't want to. The soup isn't particularly enthralling to the taste buds, but the parboiled vegetables will help to satisfy the vacuous pit that is your empty stomach. And, even if you stuff yourself senseless with the tasteless broth, you'll still probably only consume a couple of hundred calories a day. Just don't try to stand up too quickly, or you might just faint from chic overload!
Some variations of the diet allow other foods, such as bananas and meat, but you really shouldn't stray from tradition. Like, what would your ancestors say? They would likely shake their pin curls in disappointment.
The basic recipe calls for cabbage (duh), celery, mushrooms, tomatoes, peppers, onions, carrots, pre-made bullion cubes and your seasonings of choice. Sounds super yum, right? Um, this is when you're supposed to nod and be like, "Ohmigod, delish."
Anyway, I wouldn't bother adding onions or carrots since they're uber starchy. I just don't want you to get kicked out of ketosis, you know? Come to think of it, throw those tomatoes out too. That bouillon just seems totes unnecessary also. Okay, so our soup will basically consist of mineral water and cabbage, I suppose. But now we're, like, totally doing the One Food Diet, too. And Paleo! And, like, this is uber vegan-friendly. Gawd, talk about multi-tasking.
The "I can't see it!" Diet
If you're a fixture on the fashion industry's party circuit, you are well aware of the au courant set's penchant for microscopic portions of distinguishingly decadent food, I mean, what exactly is the purpose of serving miniature cupcakes? Is this a test? Like, what's with the tiny sandwiches and cheeseburgers? Is the bread just there to keep your fingers clean? And someone please explain to me the obsession with canapes and fried puffs. All I see are fat and carbs sharing real estate on a tray smothered in grease and shame. It's actually really confusing yet insulting yet intriguing yet tempting yet cute yet revolting, all at the same time.
Am I supposed to eat it? I think I am. I mean, these kind caterers have already done all of the hard work and cut everything into tiny, guilt-free smidgens. And how terrible could everything be when the portion sizes are so adorable? That grilled truffle oil-infused gruyere sandwich can't be so bad for me, right? It's only, like, half the size of my Amex card. And that microscopic scone? It's the size of a quarter! Having one doesn't make me irresponsible.
Wait a minute. Ohmigod, are people watching? Do I look poor and desperate? How come no one else is eating? Should I not be eating either? I think I just saw that blogger pop a tiny piece of fried macaroni and cheese into his mouth. Or did he? I repeat, is this a test?
There is a reason that all of the offering at such glamorous parties are bite-sized enigmas of congealed cheese and bacon grease. They're your cheat treats! Enjoying a few tiny morsels of forbidden food is totes acceptable, so long as you don't carry around a plate laden with them. As a reward for all of the other 364 days a year that you deny yourself of such scrumptious evils, you are allowed this one window of glorious opportunity to indulge in two or, daresay, three pieces of wanton abandon.
Oh, but the fashion crowd is a clever one. While each itty-bitty hors d'ouevre might seem relatively innocuous, it is still a miniature recreation of something that you would never be caught dead eating in front of Anna Wintour. Thus, you must wolf it down as surreptitiously as possible while still keeping your composure. And in that is where the genius lies.
After committing such a deplorable act as inhaling a mini brownie in three seconds flat while crouched down behind a crowd of fashion photographers, you are overcome with remorse and shame. What has come of you? Have you no self-control? It wasn't even worth it! That's it- no more food for the rest of the night! Then you will ration out a mini green juice for the rest of the evening in hopes that it will at least help to dilute your transgressions.
Do you see what just happened? You got your junk food fix, yet your calorie count for the day will be kept low by the guilt that overwhelms you. If you're lucky, the remorse will spill over into the next day. Maybe even the rest pf the week! D you know what just happened? It's called psychology.
The I'm-fucking-rich-and-glamourous Diet
For the impossibly chic girl, it's raining oysters, sashimi and tartare every night, with a guarantee of accompanying champagne showers. She loves to order seafood towers for the table and is obsessed with rhubarb mignonette. "I'm basically on a raw food diet, as you know," she will explain to her friends as she persuades them into doing a $300 caviar tasting. "Just a really fancy one."
Or is black & blue filet mignon considered raw? Whatever. The chic girl loves her steak, especially if it's of the Kobe Wagyu variety. She'll do lobster or butterfish or even sea bream, but forgoes salmon because it's "so 2011." "I only do lox when I have Eggs Norwegian at Balthazar," she will say with a sniff as she pursues limited menus with disdain. "And I'm talking about Paris Balthazar, not the one on Spring."
She is like a culinary hipster in the sense that she basically shuns anything that wouldn't be available to the general public at Food Emporium. Um, farro risotto? With fucking kale? You better back away slowly before she scratches your face in frustration. How dare you offer her that. She doesn't do proletarian foods; didn't you know?
Basically, she will turn up her perfectly rhinoplasty job at the foods of mere mortals, rolling her eyes if someone suggests going out for pizza and snarling in disgust at the mention of gourmet burgers. "I tried a cheeseburger for the first time whilst on holiday in London last year," she will say as she lets out a harrowing sigh. "It was the worst experience of my entire life."
"Cava is not champagne!" she will vehemently cry out, snatching the menu away from the basic bitch who had the audacity to suggest it in her presence. "And oysters from New Jersey? Get the fuck out of my face."
This emaciated diva loves herself a good tasting menu, even if it consists of, like, 18 courses. But haven't you noticed how all of the nicer restaurants, like Per Se and Daniel, are basically just never-ending parades of microscopic low-carb morsels? Obvi the people in the kitchen get the picture! And as for dessert, this lavish betch never partakes- she's just so full, you know?
So be it foie grais brulee, organic rabbit rillettes or diver scallop carpaccio, this extravagant girl knows how to execute the zero-carb diet in style. And while other chic ladies around town may have to sacrifice pricey food in favour of fashion, this is never an issue for this rich bitch (or, perhaps, her sugar daddy). For the girl on the FRaG Diet, compromise is never an option.
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sapphirestones09 · 4 months ago
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AAAAAAA FINALLY! I'm done playing @oneknightstand-if. As part of the celebration, here is Rosie's colored sketch (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ Lol, this looks like an anime title card And thus! The Stats!
Blobbed: Yep (We are what now?)
Bold : 205 (Is this high lol?) Sweet : 46 Sassy : 159 Optimist : 76
Health : 85 Mark Status : Healed Merlin Healing : 2 Merlin Forced Healing : 0
Caution : 9 Will : 7 Cloudcuckoolanderness : 42 (Not enough, we gotta go full cray cray) Silent : 7 Curse Level : 4 Fear Level : 6 Corruption : -5 (Is this low enough?) Mute : false Mindcontrol : false
Downtime : Had Breakfast | Snarfed Sweets | Shower Accident |
Route : Went into Store & Fought | (What I gotta use the hunting knives as soon as possible in some way right?)
New Inventory : Hairdryer | Sweets | Shower Mat | Everclear Alcohol (Molotov! Molotov! Molotov!) They Know : false | It Sees : Masked | You Replied False Some stats are missing when I scroll from the past posts in the forum. Such as Crazy Theory, Crazy Theory Level, Pottymouth, Serenades, Interpretative Dance, and a deep dive into the Adrian and Merlin's relationship stats (I WANT TO SEE HOW MANY TIMES I FLIRTED GODAMMIT!). I wonder if I can access it (╥ω╥) About Rosie!
You are currently known as Rosaline (Rosie) Bane a seemingly normal female wildlife biologist. You have red eyes, very long flowing icy blond hair, and a short and petite figure clad in a red cape with an amaranth face mask. People tend to take particular notice of your hair. At first glance, people tend to find you not very intimidating.
You excel at sword fighting, gardening, and having a magnetic personality. Meanwhile, you've got a weakness for prescription medications and enclosed spaces, as well as having anger management issues.
You have an ear piercing. You also have a couple of scars along your neck and wrist.
A tragic accident that claimed your whole family lies in your past and the fate of your future remains murky with the apocalypse ever looming in the background. At least no one has suspected that you are actually a serial killer.
Your final words were "And now for a final word from our sponsor—"
Note! I didnt know I could play something as chaotic and as fun as this game provided me. Its super fun and enjoyable and yet amidst the chaos I loved the characters that was shown and grown to get attached to them to a degree. Both Merlin and Adrian are mysterious and enigmatic in their own ways that makes me look forward to the story and how it progresses towards their character. Also seeing Adrian being exasperated over Cloudcuckolander MC's antics tickles my funny bones more than I can admit. I admit I was reluctant to get into the game seeing as its such a huge one, but after playing all I can say is MOAR! I NEED MOAARRRR! AND PLEASE AUTHOR TELL ME HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY PASS THE STAT CHECK FOR MOONWALKING ON THE FENCING ROUTE! I NEED TO MOONWALK! I NEED THESE PEOPLE TO CLAP FOR ME! And please can we apologize to Adrian for punching him? (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ I know in the grand scheme of things, Adrian forgives us already but we still wanna apologize (ಡ‸ಡ) And oh boy, I think Im gonna draw lots and lots of fanarts now... Skill Stats!
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Personality Stats!
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Can we still claim to be a newbie after Merlin's extensive lore dump on us? Relationship Stats!
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Inventory!
Your ultimate weapon is unknown.
You are currently armed with... nothing, at least as far as you know.
Cold Steel SRK survival knife
You also have on hand...
E-phone 7XL
several small bottles of prescription medications
photo of your family
Killer McKiller Face's favorite stuffed animal (Rip our micro pig (ಥ﹏ಥ))
well-worn Bible (To ward off evil of course!)
mystical Magic 8-Ball (Another holy item! I sure hope it does not contain anything otherworldly that will potentially endanger us and others ha.ha.ha (→_→)
small herb garden of eclectic plants including a mutant Venus Flytrap (The only queen Rosie will ever potentially bow to!)
collection of various survival & hunting knives
small bag of iridescent pearls
bottle of 95% alcohol Everclear (Molotov! Molotov! Molotov ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝)
slightly squished pastry (I KNOW MY PRIORITIES! AND ITS SWEETS!)
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ivystoryweaver · 2 months ago
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🍂Fall Fluff Ficlets Masterlist🍁
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Prompts are listed in the order they were received. I will post links as I go. Might not write them in order, but I will prioritize the first 6 spots and add on as I am able. Thank you so much for the love!
Fall Fluff Ficlets Main Post Fall Fluff Prompts to Save and Share (prompts only)
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“Take Me Out to the Ballgame" Marc Spector + tailgate + sporting event
“No One Like You" Poe Dameron + horseback riding
"Can't Live Without Him" Marc Spector + hear them talking about you
"Stay" Poe Dameron + first I love you
"It's Everything" Jake Lockley + first date + haunted corn maze
~“Holding hands, enjoying a cup of tea while they read together” with Steven - spot taken by @vintagegirl01
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Additional requests in the order I received them:
“Baking” with Jake - @campingwiththecharmings
“Cider, apple orchard” with Nathan or Leto - @mandytrekkie ("First date" prompt taken, but I will add it if I can)
“New love” with Leto or Jake - @howellatme ("Corn maze" prompt taken, so I went with new love)
"Pie baking, hear them talking about you" with all three Moon Boys - @purple-amaranthe (these prompts are taken but I will work on it!)
"First kiss" with Steven or Poe - @steven-grants-world
"Haunted house" with platonic Marc Spector - @evilbubu
"Falling asleep together" Marc or Jake - @ladywynne
If I missed anyone, I will keep checking this list and my inbox. Off to write!
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Events Masterlist || Main Masterlist
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I’ve realised through looking at the chapter index for Amaranth that it’s like…a thing for me to stop posting for a few months at the start of each year?? (Took me until March to post for 2022)
Which means I should probably not be jumping so quickly into ‘I don’t want to continue Amaranth as it is’ just yet
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ultrameganicolaokay · 3 months ago
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Scarlet Witch #6 by Steve Orlando and Lorenzo Tammetta. Cover by Russell Dauterman. Variant covers by (2) Meghan Hetrick, (3) Leirix and (4) Iván Talavera. Out in November.
"INTRODUCING AMARANTH! The Scarlet Witch takes on a mysterious new pupil – at Agatha Harkness' request. But where did the young sorceress known as Amaranth come from? And what could have spooked Agatha into giving up the chance to mentor her?"
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sigyn-foxyposts · 3 months ago
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"The Afton family" Part 1/2 Fnaf Amaranth AU!
Note: Yes, this AU is inspired by Mobox87's and many others old FNAF lore that was created back in 2015-2016 but is remade to fit into what we have today. I'm simply doing this for the sake of fun and keeping a part of the nostalgia alive. All designs are inspired by how I viewed them personally growing up, making them my original designs. Please tag me if you ever make fanart, thank you :D
A huge thanks to @vamnp for coming up with the name of this AU!
The Parents:
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Name: Scott Ralph Afton.
Nickname: Scotty
Nationality: British (Moved to America)
Scott is clumsy and laid back. He is also a bit skittish because his dad used to scare him, intentionally as a child.
Has always struggled mentally, thanks to his childhood being quite rough.
He was bullied in school for being the shy and antisocial kid, often hiding in the bathroom stalls to get away.
He never had a good relationships with his parents, not even with Vincent no matter what he originally thought.
Has undiagnosed ADHD.
His special interest is machinery!
Likes to keep things organized and tidy.
Hates when someone is disobedient.
Loves teasing and making dad jokes!
Like his second oldest son, he has a fondness for the animatronic Foxy!
Suffers from insomnia and hallucinates.
He has a high pain tolerance and often gets injured, hence the many bandages he is wearing. His wife puts them on.
Feels horrible for not being able to stop Vincent from killing his children & being the cause of so many deaths.
Scott is the phone guy and tape guy (aka Henry but now it's Scott!)
Scott didn't actually die after the animatronics attacked and stuffed him into a suit, he was just severely injured.
Despite being in pain, he managed to stay alive until someone found him. After that incident he decided to retire.
He commits suicide, suffocating during the fnaf 6 fire together with Michael.
Scott is a hard working man that love's his family more than anything, but struggles to keep the stability going. Not only does he specialize with dangerous animatronics at work along side his brother Vincent, who has always been questionable in nature. He has always struggled mentally thanks to his upbringing.
The lack of sleep he is getting from his insomnia and night shifts causes him to get injured on the job. Which his wife is very unhappy about, they could be bickering and next thing they know they're argumening over family matters. Though Scott tries to be the one who puts an end to it and be a better husband and father to his children, he has to admit he is far from perfect. He retired from his own business Fazbear entertainment after the tragedies and focused on his remaining family, returning briefly during fnaf 6 to aid Michael and decided he would commit suicide with them.
Name: Margaret Fritz.
Nickname: Mag, Magpie.
Nationality: Norwegian.
Margaret met Scott through high school and originally felt bad for him, letting him rant to her about his inventions.
This somehow sparked feelings between the two and they remained high school sweethearts up until their marriage.
Margaret went to medical school and worked as a nurse for a few years, earning a good living for them.
She did end up quitting early and became a stay at home mom when she first got pregnant with twins.
Later in life she would try getting back into the work field but retires due to mental health issues.
Has a slight drinking problem and hates how addicted she is to it.
She suffers from compassion fatigue.
Developed depression and erratic behavior after the disappearances.
Feels guilty for Charlie's death because she was drinking that night and asked Scott to get him. (He was working late)
After Scott died in the fire, she went back to her drinking habits and died from liver failure. (Basically suicide)
Margaret is a stay at home mother who often finds herself stressed over not just her kids, but also her husband. Thanks to his recklessness at work and his horrible sleep schedules, along with his mental health. Margaret and Scott tend to argue a lot about his well being and over how they should manage things in their household, which often ends up going nowhere. This caused her to pick up a small drinking habit that she tries her best to hide from everyone, especially her children. Margaret originally came from Norway but moved to America with her family when she started high school. There she not only met Scott but got a degree in nursing and after a few years of dating, fell pregnant. This caused her to have to stay home permanently and at first while it was difficult, she knew she was doing it for a good cause. Their growing family. After the missing children's incident she went completely off the rails and had to be sent away to the mental hospital by Scott. She really struggled, especially with the guilt of not being able to protect her children that she had spent so much of her life taking care of. Eventually though she would be able to return back to Scott and their remaining children, raising them.
Older siblings:
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Name: Coppelia Afton.
Nickname: Lia
Age: 11 (in 1984)
Coppelia is the twin sister of Charlie!
Has ADHD.
Struggles sleeping like Scott.
Her special interest is also machinery!
She's often found outside tinkering in the garage with something.
She also loves reading books, specially the book that she was named after.
Can be quite hyperactive and playful, often leading her to be a bit brutal.
Love's to have playful banters with Scott or Charlie to see their reactions.
When she was younger she used to draw disturbing drawings, she grew out of it though! Scott affectionately calls her "his creepy daughter"
She loves eating bacon and eggs or pancakes, calling it her british breakfast. (Because she thinks it's funny)
After Margaret was sent away Mrs Andrews, their neighbor helped Scott take care of Coppelia and her brother.
This caused her to became a mother figure to her and she calls her mom!
She doesn't like any of the animatronics and once she got so scared as a child that she threw up and cried.
Coppelia is her families only daughter and tue older twin, taking most characteristics after her father. She is very hyperactive and playful, often tinkering with machinery like her father when he was younger. She can't be still for long, yet somehow she never runs out of energy either. She loves playing around with her siblings which often leads her to be a bit competitive and rough. She always feels a bit guilty because she accidentally hurts them or make them cry! The reason she prefers playing with her siblings still, is because she gets bullied at school too. Unlike her father though, she puts up a fight which gets her in trouble. Surprisingly Coppelia never noticed the issues her family had before her siblings went missing and her parents were even more unstable than what was normal to her. As if she didn't already struggle sleeping it got even worse for her, grieving heavily at the fact she might not even see her twin brother or younger brother again. She didn't know what to do and was afraid of when her father had to get back to work, but Margaret wasn't there anymore. Luckily their friendly neighbor Mrs Andrews would offer to watch over her and her baby brother, offering her support to the girl and comforting her. She knew what it was like loosing someone.
Name: Charlie Afton.
Nickname: Charles.
Age: 11 (When he died)
Charlie is the twin brother of Coppelia!
Struggles with anxiety.
His favorite animatronic is puppet.
He really likes collecting porcelain dolls.
Enjoys listening to the music box because it was a lullaby his parents used to comfort him with as a baby.
Charlie is actually left handed but forces himself to use his right to blend in!
The lefty animatronic was based on a stuffed teddy bear he owned.
Later Scott recreated Lefty as a animatronic to capture Charlie.
Like Scott he is also clumsy and skittish.
He is very pale and easily gets bruised.
To avoid people assuming bad things about his home life, he wears make-up, long sleeves and pants.
He originally wore make-up to just hide his bruises but started to enjoy it!
His parents find this adorable and often his mother helps him experiment around with her make-up stash!
Even though he keeps calm under stressful situations, when conflicts arises his anxiety skyrockets.
Especially when his and Coppelia's bullies search for them during school.
He knows Margaret has a drinking problem but hasn't said that he knows.
He hates when his parents argue because of how his brother accidently got in the way and was injured in the past. Luckily it never happened again.
His favorite cousin is Chris, someone he heavily sympathizes with!
Vincent stabbed Charlie multiple times in the lungs out of drunken rage, leaving him outside to bleed out in the rain.
Charlie is the oldest son and younger twin, taking a lot after both his parents. He is quite gloomy, clumsy and introverted but a passionate caretaker like his mother. Like his sister they're not exactly popular at school and the kids often picked on them, but Coppelia was there to protect him! Sometimes he wishes he would be able to do the same, to show that he was capable.. But all he could do was run and get the teacher. He makes up for this when he is able to protect his brother and the missing children after he is killed by Vincent outside of the pizzeria. The reason he died was because he was waiting for Scott to finish working after Maggie forgot to pick him up. Then the same children who bullied him and his sister threw him outside and locked the door. At first he blamed both his parents for his death, but stopped holding a grudge against them when he realized Scott and Michael tried to free them behind the scenes.
Younger siblings:
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Name: Bartholomew Fritz Afton.
Nickname: Bart, Fritz
Age: 7 (When he died)
Has ADHD.
His favorite animal is the fox, hence why he loves and adores foxy.
He has an obsession with pirates and pretends to be one all the time!
His favorite holiday is Halloween.
He likes to tease and be the annoying younger brother, often copying Coppelia's behavior.
Whenever he's bored he ask his parents or older siblings to read to him.
His favorite books are pirate books and books about norwegian folklore: because they have scary sea creatures.
Sings those kids nursery rhymes 24/7.
Hates loud shouting and glass breaking after he accidentally stood between his parents when they were arguing.
His favorite cousin is Brenda because she likes playing pirates with him!
Vincent lured Bart to parts and service, breaking his kneecaps, cutting of his hand and slicing his throat. It was so deep he pretty much decapitated him.
Bartholomew also known as Bart for short, is the second oldest son. He is hyperactive and outgoing to the fullest, insisting he is the leader of any group he comes across, siblings or friends. You'll often see him wearing pirate gears and singing songs, dragging around his younger brother who happily follows. He also never stops talking about what interests him and struggles knowing when to stop. He loves pirates, sea creatures and foxy! Bart also always unintentionally gets himself into trouble, even if it isn't his fault and while he loves his father the most, he hates being punished by him and go to the thinking corner. After he was killed by his own uncle Vincent, like the other missing children he can't trust adults and is very aggressive. Even to his own father Scott, when he figured out he possessed Foxy and tried to communicate with him.
Name: Sammy Afton.
Nickname: Sam.
Age: 4 (in 1984)
He is a very bubbly boy, who easily make people smile.
He is somewhere on the autism spectrum.
His favorite animatronic is balloon boy.
Balloon boy was inspired by Sam's younger appearance and made by Scott.
He has a huge sweetooth and will try to steal sweets when no one is watching!
Margaret jokinly and affectionately calls him a ''menace'' to her existence.
He loves being around other people, which is why he always follows his brother or mother around.
He has a few funny quirks, such as rocking back and forth when he is excited, walking on his toes or biting on things.
He also tends to be so quiet that Scott got scared by him multiple times becuse he was just standing there, smiling at him.
His favorite thing is arts and crafts and he actually helped decorate the pizzeria along with other children there.
He loves playing with balloons, but hates when they pop, then he will start crying.
He used to be close with Bart before he went missing, now he is very attached to his older sister Coppelia.
His favorite cousin is Elizabeth because she offered him ice cream once.
Sammy is the youngest son and the only surviving family member of the Afton family with his older sister after Michael and his parents. As a child he was a bubbly boy filled with laughter, often finding himself following others around rather than leading the way like his older brother Bart. He was very young when his brothers disappeared and when he got older he struggled remembering them. When Maggie was sent away to the mental hospital, Scott retired to take care of him and was finally able to improve on his parental skills. When Sammy became an adult he started working under Fazbear entertainment despite the history it held to his family with his sister.
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scarlet--wiccan · 4 months ago
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INTRODUCING AMARANTH! The Scarlet Witch takes on a mysterious new pupil – at Agatha Harkness’ request. But where did the young sorceress known as Amaranth come from? And what could have spooked Agatha into giving up the chance to mentor her? [source: AIPT]
Scarlet Witch #6 on sale 11/20
variant covers by Meghan Hetrick; Iván Talavera; Leirix
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variouspolltournaments · 4 months ago
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Submissions for the Otome Heroines Tournament.
Submit an Otome Heroine, along with where they come from and (if you want) propaganda through ask or submit a post.
They must be from an actual otome game, otome isekai heroines do not count. Just to make sure we’re all on the same page here.
Top 6 submissions are the ones I submitted myself.
@tournament-announcer
Submissions in bold have propaganda, submissions not in bold do not have propaganda. Whether they do or do not have some already, you are still free to submit some.
All Tournaments can be found on my pinned post. There you can see the ones that have been completed, the ones that are currently running, the ones that are pending and the ones that have submissions open.
SUBMISSIONS:
Rin/Chihaya: Yoshiwara Higanbana
Angelique Limoges: Angelique
Chizuru Yukimura: Hakuouki
Lucette Riella Britton: Cinderella Phenomenon
Morgan Leone: Gilded Shadows
Mai Mizusaki: Ikemen Sengoku
Sian Goodin: Backstage Pass
Kayo: Ken Ga Kimi
Alice Liddell: Heart no Kuni no Alice
Teuta Bridges: Bustafellows
Julia Darwin: Shall we Date? Love Tangle+
Valerie Amaranth/Diamond Heart: Magical Warrior Diamond Heart
Hiyoko Tosaka: Hatoful Boyfriend
Nora Lewis: Changeling
Tifalia: Radiant Tale
Byakuya/Olympia: Olympia Soiree
Heroine: Amnesia
Kisa Tachibana: Jack Jeanne
Anastasia Lynzel: Even If Tempest
Ceres: Virche Evermore
Hiyori Sena: Charade Maniacs
Lynette Mirror/Cupid: Cupid Parasite
Kotone Awaki: Café Enchanté
Mei Ayazuki: Meiji Tokyo Renka
Luna: Love Spell: Written in the Stars
Cardia Beckford: Code: Realize
Yui Kusanagi: Kamigami no Asobi
Haruka Nanami: Uta no Prince-sama
Yurika Arisu: Taisho x Alice
Little Painter: Lovebrush Chronicles
Ichika Hoshino: Collar x Malice
Beniyuri: Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly
Jed/Eiar: Psychedelica of the Ashen Hawk
Liliana Adornato: Piofiore
Youran: Mr Love Queen's Choice
Iris: Moon Observatory Iris
Nanami Shiranui: Norn9
Koharu: Norn9
Mikoto Kuga: Norn9
Rinka: Bad Apple Wars
Rosa: Tears of Themis
Yui Komori: Diabolik Lovers
Hibari Tojo: Variable Barricade
Fuka: Ozmafia
Adami Adashino: Homicipher
Ciel: Moon Observatory Ciel
anholly: Moon Observatory Anholly
kate: Ikemen Villains
Emma/Belle: Ikemen Prince
Alice: Ikemen Revolution
Mitsuki: Ikemen Vampire
Chika: Ikemen Live
Enju Ueno: Nightshade
Akane Koizumi: Gakuen Club
JB: XOXO Droplets
Misa Isshiki: 9RIP
Ami Akashi: Him, the Smile & Bloom
Fuuka Haruyoshi: Him, the Smile & Bloom
Serina Aoki: Him, the Smile & Bloom
Miku Yukihira: Him, the Smile & Bloom
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