#why am I being so slow???
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I’ve realised through looking at the chapter index for Amaranth that it’s like…a thing for me to stop posting for a few months at the start of each year?? (Took me until March to post for 2022)
Which means I should probably not be jumping so quickly into ‘I don’t want to continue Amaranth as it is’ just yet
#I’ve really slowed down tho. I did 28 chapters in 6 months in 2021 and only 14 in the whole of 2022#why am I being so slow???#school maybe??#idk#aphmau#aphverse#rewrite#aphblr#minecraft diaries#mcd#amaranth
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corvidae
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#blood/#yuuji#im not tagging this as spoilers idc sue me . iykyk but i dont think it's obvious enough at all 2 warrant the tag#idrk what this is sorry ive been having a hard time drawing n feeling inspired lately :'>>> so it goes#i find i tend to default to drawing birds when that happens ???#did it with gojo did it with shiro and now it's yuuji's turn ig#sometimes it's helpful to just . mess around with a whole bunch of brushes until something looks ok#and birds and feathers lean soooo well 2 playing around w brushes theyre very forgiving#flowers also kind of so i threw in some camellias bc i figured why not add More Red#i think they mean something that's probably relevant but i was more looking fr the shape of the petals#th rounded tops blend rly seamlessly with the way i rendered th feathers so i am like!!!! nice#just checked also apparently red camellias just mean love and devotion lmao should have guessed#'perishing with grace' also hm hm hm that's kind of wild with th crows#anyway i didn't put too much thought in2 this one so i won't talk fr ages about the symbolism it's all pretty much right there#anyway ty fr being patient with me im sorry draws have been slow :<#ill come out of it ill bounce back!
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monster X monster hunter
#baldur’s gate#bg3#baldur’s gate 3#astarion#wyll#I AM SOOOOOO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THESE TWO#IMAGINE BEING PERFECT FOILS OF EACH OTHER#BOTH TURNED INTO MONSTERS AGAINST THEIR WILL#imagining young wyll trying to court astarion and just being so genuine about it#as one of his first loves he wants to do everything right but is still overall (fairly) new to the whole thing#vs astarion who is much more cynical after 200 years of seducing victims#he knows how to play someone’s heartstrings like anlite and is overall very detached from the whole thing only#doing it to make aure wyll wont murder him or something#but then selune forbid it he starts to develoP FEELINGS FOR HIM KSDBBSJAJA#and then just as astarion starts to fall into love wyll almost falls out of it as he realizes astarion was LYING to his face the whole time#about liking him#and then there is DRAMA and a secret slow burn underneath what you THOUGHT was a fast burn#AHEM. anyways.#im gonna draw more of these two cause wyll is soooo slept on#pictured this as early in their meeting/relationship which is why wyll doesnt have horns yet#also *anlite i meant to type *a lute but shaky fingers#rip no tag editing
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#120
When the villains caught wind of a new hero on the team, they’d all taken interest. When someone came back claiming he’s blind, it’d sparked a whole new debate.
Straightforward, they’d all said. He won’t even see us coming. They’d laughed at how easy it’d seemed.
The villain feels like they’ve stumbled on a pile of gold when they come across the hero. He’s running his hand along something on the fence in front of him, something that the villain will later realise is a braille description of the view ahead of him. A white cape drifts around his ankles, an equally white suit flattering against his typical heroic body, the lightest of smiles on his face as his fingers trace the patterns of dots along the railing.
The villain can’t help but grin as they slowly make their way towards the poor hero, so oblivious, so stupid. They’re barely a hair breadth away, their dagger practically unsheathing itself, when the hero spins towards them with a swish of his cape and a flick of a blade.
The villain barely reels back in time. Staying quiet doesn’t occur to them when they’re startled. The hero looks like he’s staring right through them, an arrogant smirk on his face.
“Ah,” he says brightly, “you’re one of those criminals I’m meant to be looking out for?”
The villain sidesteps, careful to keep their footing quiet, but it doesn’t matter. The hero’s head cocks towards them as they try to step out of his blade’s path.
“You’re almost silent,” the hero continues. A smirk adorns his face, intrigued. “Incredible.”
The villain is close enough to strike, the hero looking slightly too far beyond them to be right in his assumptions. The villain shifts in fast, their dagger poised. The hero dodges back and retaliates with a swing of his own.
The villain stumbles out of reach and the hero follows. The villain’s unprepared; they were expecting a hero who’s unsure who they’re looking for, where the villain is. They were expecting an easy plaything that they could stab when they got bored.
But this—the hero is nothing but brazen confidence.
The villain shoves their dagger up to meet his blade, throwing his arm out. They move in for another strike but the hero’s already recovered. His blade easily tucks under their arm and slices into their side.
Something of a strangled gasp escapes the villain before they can stop it. They stagger back, a hand touched timidly to the wound, their eyes flitting back up to the hero. He simply waits, his blade crimson and his eyes blank. How? How?
“Would you do me the honour of telling me who I’ve met?” he asks, as if this is nothing more than a casual meeting between friends of friends. The villain wants to snap him in half for the audacity.
“That’s none of your fuckin’ business.”
“Aha,” the hero says, almost a laugh, “You’re [Villain].”
The villain can only stare at him in horror. The hero seems to feel the tension in the silence, because he continues. “You’ve a bad mouth, favour in the blade, light on your feet.” A teasing smile. “And you’ve a smooth, caramel voice I haven’t heard in many like you.”
“Wh— Excuse me— You—”
The hero just smirks, the stupid smirk of someone who knows he’s untouchable in every sense of the word. “Flustered by compliments, too,” the hero finishes with a laugh. “Good to remember for next time.”
“I’m not flustered!” the villain finally manages, “and my voice isn’t caramel. That isn’t a thing. You sound stupid.”
“I’m happy to be stupid if it means I can recognise you as the villain who speaks in caramel.”
The villain’s side is beginning to really ache. They need to be somewhere that’s not here when it inevitably gets worse. “Do what you want. I’m going home.”
“May I escort you to a prison cell?”
The villain barks a laugh, their side practically splitting with the forced fakeness of it. “As if you know where the agency is from here.”
“I always know where I am, [Villain].” A smile again, softer this time. Knowing. “You underestimate me for a characteristic I think makes me as interesting to you as you are to me.”
The burn in the villain’s skin is an ode to that. “Sure.” The villain turns on their heel before a thought occurs to them. “I’m going to walk away, loudly. Do me a favour and don’t fucking shank me when I do.”
The hero’s face twists back into a smirk. “As long as I hear you moving away. Until next time, [Villain].”
A blind hero! everyone had cried. It’s almost too easy!
The villain scurries away with a gash to the side and a slam to their ego, and they know now to know better than that.
#creative writing#writblr#writers on tumblr#writing#writing community#heroes and villains#hero x villain#im offically freeeeeeeeeeee#im so excited to reset my sleep schedule cause why am i in bed by 9pm#that being said life has been hectic recently! posts may slow down a bit while i get my shit together#theres been a lot goin on atm and i probably need a lil time to get back into the swing of things to get my creativity back#ill make a post about it for yall who dont see this so i dont just disappear off the face of the earth one day lmao#love yall either way <3
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in other news, i still hate the 'curse' demise says being seen as a literal thing so widely, like he is somehow powerful enough to bend the world to that cycle and even the gods being helpless against it (unless they want it or even orchestrated it but that option never comes up does it), its never even considered to perhaps not be real, like its a literal law of the zelda world, imo its pretty boring itself and also boring as an explanation for the cycle and most often really only gets used to or talked about to make ganondorf be just a helpless evil guy that is born evilly bc he is cursed and if you took away tha demon juice he would side with hyrule and be good tm (a side effect being that people think he is the actual reincarnation of demise like zelda is supposedly of hylia which also sucks IMO) .... or to make demise some sort of puppet master, which i hate even more no .. no i hate that the most (bc it makes ganondorf a puppet and demise the evil demon master and thus ruins both my favs yippie)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#also if i am allowed to be salty at that#while recognizing that it is most important for ganondorf and also that it is pretty rare to begin with#but that even when villains are discussed demise really is neevr considered as anything than the source of evil tm or curse doer#and the only thing that ever matters about him is the curse tm .. HE doesnt matter only that one thing he says does :/#like other times seeing these villains its (rightfully) discussed how lame it is and sometimes outright harmful#but then its just accepted when it comes to demise#like ........................ maybe its my blorbo brainworms but#why does he never get the benefit of the doubt ........#....................wrote a longer post before but saved it as a draft bc i started to ramble about my comic again#been doing that alot ....#writing a long post and then instead of posting jsut saving it as a draft bc i dont wanna annoy people any more with my rants#both about totk and about my own stuff i keep being so slow on working with
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The Former Most Miserable Man That Ever Stepped in DGP is found saving the future with a shield and FIVE CHAINSAWS
#kamen rider#kamen rider geats#kamen rider buffa#plosion rage#michinaga azuma#jyamato awaking#fanart#artists on tumblr#alt caption: The Former MMMTESinDGP is found fathering a godling#maybe a good thing I got late into geats is that the frustration of buffa not having a final form in the series was softened on impact#as well as his development that was left opened in series I guess?? and he was given some closure on the movie#besides i actually do love the final arc??? still filled with issues and plot holes and ep45 being a huge mess#but i ignore them and focus on buffa and bujin sword slow burn being cooked on undead fire and i'm well served#series isn't perfect nor is the movie but i collect what i love and i run away with it#narrator: and then op runs away having 20 of 22 files in her geats art folder featuring michinaga so far#why am i justifying myself liking the final arc?? i owe no explanations - who cares xckvncxvncxovx#anyway heads up for the chosen ones reading tags#my job is returning full force this week - so expect my updates to drop severely#slow pacing work was fun while it lasted - time to get stressed a bit so i can finish paying my apartment lol
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realized a drawing i'm doing rn is almost identically posed to one i did 8.5 years ago of a different oc, except the old drawing was instantly tainted by one of the players featured messaging me asking if i could take it down because their abusive, possessive rp partner saw it and got jealous of them "roleplaying behind their back" and i said "nah" and it became a whole Thing that i should have walked away from at that exact moment but didn't and the 6 months that followed contained some of the most truly condensed batshit i have ever witnessed in an rp community already well-known for its batshittery.
... anyway i love my friends. so happy to accidentally redeem the pose.
#idk if ill ever open up completely about that shitshow but#i think 8 years is past the statute of limitations to vaguepost about it#late tag addition but man now i'm thinking about it all at 4am#how did in the good goddamn did i witness that and still not only let them make me an officer#but also let them put me functionally in charge of their guild IC#while those two fucked off and erped in instanced zones or played overwatch#and i and my then-rp-partner took the heat for the meandering plotline#until my partner vented to the wrong person about the abuse#and it got back to them#and we got to experience the surreality of an honest to god guild coup#all to salvage the image of some egomaniac abuser#certified fucking wra moment#its been 8 years and thinking about how i was treated in the end makes me feel sick lol#they made a new guild discord and invited everyone but us#and when i noticed the channel had gone quiet i asked what was up#and was met with gaslighting about how i'm 'thinking too much' about the channel being a 'little slow'#and it took pushing to get an early admission of what was about to happen#so we logged on and quit ourselves#which fucked up the narrative they had constructed#and they lied in the new channel that WE were the ones doing a 'coup' and that we stole the members who left with us#i guess i am opening up after all#i had to play the fucking villain of that scenario for the past 8 years#all to protect the mental health of people who hurt me#why#if you were there and know what i'm referencing with all of this... there's the fucking story#the person in question is a massively popular artist#i just dont have it in me to fight that fight
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the thing about me is that dan and/or phil could post the most devastating photos in an instagram story dump but if any one of them happen to involve my other interests i'm sorry that is my main point of concern. the two of them could post them literally making out but if i even saw a pokemon plush in the background all y'all would hear is me being like "they're SO obsessed with gen 1 🙄 i bet they looooooved x and y didn't they". world's most useless phannie
#dan and phil#phan#today is a very good example of this. daniel howell posting about clothing could have driven me insane#but i am more so haunted by his balatro playing which i guess is because i watch rtgame play balatro who is insane w it#AND ALSO PLAYS ON 4X SPEED LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. DANIEL HOWELL HOW LONG HAVE U BEEN SITTING THERE.#if he's far enough into the game to get that set of jokers this must have taken him like twenty fucking years.#the alternative is he slowed it down for instagram but literally why would he do that (edit: i realize he probably did that)#To be clear dan's accomplishment in balatro is still INSANELY impressive i am not shitting on his skill in balatro#im editing this in to be nicer re post i rbed to be clear dan is SO good at balatro#i'm just being annoying bc he's playing it slow mode and i think thats funny
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✨ Star Friends ✨
When I found out that @chessman-protocol boy Crit liked Astronomy, let’s just say I was beyond estatic and immediately planned this little comic. Here’s to my boy Vincent doing his best to make friends with folks who share similar interests 😅💙
Funny enough, I didn’t realize I put this in Vincent character’s until I looked at the whole thing, but Vincent very much shares the lack of stranger danger the way I did/ I do to this day. To quote one of my past managers I’m “abnormally friendly” or whatever
I can’t tell you how many times even as a small child (drove my parents nuts) that I saw a cool person with whatever connecting factor and I just straight up walked to them and was like “Ok cool. We’re friends now.” And nobody’s really stopped me? So apparently I have friends now. 😆
Vincent however is just a wholesome baby boy who doesn’t realize he’s actually an intimidating hunk of a turtle and randomly walking up to strangers and not saying anything can be taken the wrong way.
Like I said, he’s trying his best. He wasn’t exactly the most socialized if you can’t tell, but he does love dearly and is certainly a boone of a friend to have once you get past the inevitable social awkwardness. He’s loyal to put because he really doesn’t know better, and I adore him for that. Anyway, dunno if Crit knows any ASL or not, but either way Vincent is just excited to meet somebody else who likes space ✨🌌 💙
#just being jayus#doing this ugly and scared#my boy <3#Vincent my beloved#rottmnt original character#rottmnt oc#original comic#rottmnt#save rottmnt#unpause rise of the tmnt#time to go feral in the comments again; please ignore the ramblings of an insane person#Fun fact: Vincent is mute (late mutation and didn’t fully develop vocal chords) and so he only speaks turtle and partial ASL#Morrocoy Tortoise AKA Yellow or Red Footed Tortoise bop their head to assert dominance and show emotions#Head hopping and headbutting is Vincent’s tic and you can tell how he’s feeling by how fast or slow he goes because it’s a VIBE#Working on this comic was like the preverbal attempt of taking a horse to water#except this horse is a pony (anything under 14 hands is of the devil) and would not even spare it a glance unless it was perfection#Alas mockery and spite is unfortunately my demise and I could not handle the blank page any longer#Can you see how my style changed when the focus and subject changed?😅#Forgive me my son#for I have not learned to draw you from all angles yet.#Why did I make you so pretty and detailed in my head and yet have my hand betray you?!#The true tragedy is when your idea level is not at your skill level bECaUsE I KnOw wHaT hEs SuPpOsEd To LoOk LiKe BuT I CaNt DrAw HiM yEt#So here we are and I am accutely aware of how much work there is to be done. I’m looking at you flippin turtle anatomy#But hey we all have to start somewhere#so here I am#I tried and by golly I will keep trying. Vincent deserves that much 😅🧡🫡#I just looked back at this and realized I MISSED A STINKING PANEL. And Vincent’s shirt.#Flips a table in my mind#Also I’ve never made a mute character before so if anybody has notes especially about ASL PLEASE PLEASE P L E A S E lemme know.#Wanna make sure I represent the peoples correctly 🫡🧡
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Honestly, getting real tired carrying and supporting other folks around here when most of them aren't returning the favor...
#i'm two seconds away from nuking everything in my queue and drafts out of spite#but i don't feel good about that bc there's innocent collateral#this is tumblr‚ the place you're supposed to fucking share the stuff that your friend's and other people are making#and i get it‚ it's not possible to like and reblog everything here‚ i understand that and i'm not expecting that#it just sucks constantly feeling like no one gives a shit about the stuff you're proud of and put effort into‚ y'know?#there's an entire subsection of this fandom that basically ignores any vper that isn't running modded on pc#which is like half the fucking fandom and i definitely pissed some of those people off just for choosing who i associate with#i've been writing in this fandom for three years now and i still don't feel like i have any fucking writing friends#or a good place to get technical support#the writing associates i do have either don't read anything i write or when they do won't comment for some inexplicable reason#(if you're an author on ao3 you know‚ first hand‚ damn well how much comments mean to authors‚ so what's the deal?)#(if you actually don't like it‚ it's fine‚ don't even touch the kudos button‚ no one has to know you were there)#i'm traumatized from my previous discord experiences and am very reluctant to let people into my circle without vetting them first#even tumblr communities is a struggle for me because it still feels a like a popularity/social influence contest#and i know i'm fucking slow#sue me for having a life outside of the internet and wanting to be mindful and thoughtfully engaged with other people's artwork#i talk to people in the tags#i've been leaving comments on every fic i read now#i'm not expecting people to bend over backwards for me#but fostering community and friendships requires mutual exchange#and it's shitty feeling like you're generosity is constantly being fucking wasted#i'm trying to keep it fun around here but a lot aren't helping with that and this isn't a job for one person#sorry not sorry for the rant but i've been feeling very salty about this as of late#i know the holidays can be stressful and the fandom in general has been slowly shrinking which has probably exacerbated these issues#a lot of folks have moved on#but these issues have always been here and they aren't magically going to go away unless people work on them#i'm not expecting anything i make to break the bank at this point but when your friends won't even put your crappy art on the fridge anymor#like why are we here?#i also don't understand the people who are following me but never interact with anything i make???#rambling into the void
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i love crazy contrasting 1p2p in every way(not every way). so i always subconsciously have 2P rusame be friends. unlikely friends etc. in whatever weird school au theyre friends. meri was probably bullied until he started hissing at other kids or something while rus2 was just like huhh okay yeah okay what fine. rus2 found him in a broom closet and it was as awkward as it sounds. in the weird stuckin1Pcoldwar au i have theyre friends also in the torturous existence. 1P rusame is too weird life is too short lets tomodachi✌️
#in comparison 1p rusame would be school insane psychological games social competition nerds MID OFF#2ptalia#i like the jp fanart where 2p ame is pitiful and gloomy. its cute#a little wannabe edgy but spare him he was left in the rain in a cardboard box when he was 2 years old.#i keep imagining a gay school au sorry. im gonna say shit now#rus2 is blunt and kind of. bad at reading signals. accidentally drags him and meri into karaoke with ame(enigmatic popular kid)#meri is like fuck my life... but he has a killer bitch face so people are like uwaa scary... hes brooding...#rus2 is like ah sorry i forgot you never had a normal teen friendship and clung onto (nada) all the time#meri is always coping like these people... dont get it... hes half right#they go to karaoke and ame sings really off key#actually i have a common daydream where ame's elusiveness is really funny to meri#he's like hahahaha what the hell that kids crazy ahahaha. like laughing at a cartoon#and then somehow he keeps being approached by ame (slow trying to step away) hes like noo... i dont actually wanna get close to u at all...#meri and rus2 probably play observers theyre quiet kids who go hmm im nooticing!#observing 1p rusames weirdship that everybody can see but they don't think anyone notices their crazyship#and rus2 is like oh two people talking and interacting alot. theyre friends. its just like a rivalry thing yeah?#while meri is like fuckkk the fucking golden boy is talking to us when ame talks to them rus2 is like#why dont you invite (rusia) to the karaoke arent you two friends#(ame mania face turns around)#okay thats all i got bye
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Sword of Kaigen
standalone fantasy set in a rural mountain village at the edge of an empire that still holds traditional values, with families of powerful water/ice magic warriors
follows a powerful young heir who begins to question his beliefs about the empire when a new boy comes to his village from the city
and his mother, a housewife who has tried to forget her youth as a warrior and vigilante in the city since she moved back home to a loveless marriage
when there’s a violent attack on their village that they’re unprepared for, everything changes, and she has to embrace her old skills to protect her family and people
#The Sword of Kaigen#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I’ve been meaning to read this for years and I finally got around to it! a really unique fantasy novel#I had always assumed this was ur average pre-industrial high fantasy and then was immediately hit with video games/tv in the first chapter#lmao. But overall (aside from the broader worldbuilding/politics) it is closer to the average ‘historical’ fantasy narrative -#so I can see why I got that impression#Some really compelling characters and interesting narrative structure that went in some unexpected directions.#It really focuses in on one village and how devastating a single battle in a war can be to their people - and how much work the recovery is#I feel like most sff is more concerned with a single person and/or the whole war so this felt unique. did also mean that the pacing was odd#- it's a slow start; then there’s a battle that must be hundreds of pages. The last section of the book feels a little too drawn out#and brings up random hanging plot elements that don’t really go anywhere. But I think overall this works for the story.#also one thing I didn’t love - cool complex interesting female character MC sure but also there’s weird moments like:#the first scene we see her is all the housewives comparing their attractiveness; she keeps referring to herself as an old woman (when she’s#and oh so meek and useless etc. And some of this feels like it’s part of the broader portrayal of the misogynist society#but some of it felt clunky or unintentional?#And then especially the end - when she and her shitty husband finally confront each other as equals and he apologises#she basically immediately forgives him and is like oh I was equally at fault because I am a meek woman who didn’t try either#like him realising he was wrong (and her realising he had a reason for being the way he was) doesn’t negate the fact that he treated her li#she acts like it was her fault for not trying too - when we have numerous examples of him berating her if she spoke up about anything?#like im glad he’s learning. but also that doesn’t mean she needs to suddenly forgive and love him wtf#that's the only real thing that annoyed me though.#also btw that 5yo seems kinda fucked up. are you guys gonna do anything about that
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How does someone overcome the fears of driving through the highways/interstates?
Asking for myself
#this second job i got a couple weeks ago was to start saving up for my trip to WA next year#i still have yet decided on a date but i was thinking about maybe April or May?#i am trying not to do summer since i am under the impression that a lot tourists will visit and maybe prices will rise a bit or a lot#i just don't know if April or May are generally good months to visit WA#that being said#i also plan on renting a car BUT it's been a while since i have driven on roads where the minimum is 60mph#i am scared.#i know for a fact that i will be driving 40s and get pulled over by a state trooper asking me why the fuck i'm driving so slow 😅😖#okay -#i could uber or lyft or bus all around tho but... i don't know#good thing i have time to think about this#okay —#personal
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Heyhey :)
I don‘t wanna stress you but I just wanted to ask id you have any updates how the new chapter is coming along? I can‘t wait for it! (but take your time, I‘m just impatient)
thank you for writing this amazing fic! Byee
These kinds of asks don’t bother me at all or stress me out :) I don’t mind yall asking for status updates (as long as you’re nice about it)
((this is also just a me thing I know some other authors don’t like it))
it’s going good! Iroh & zukos talk is done FINALLYYYYY (7k) & we have Jee & Bato half done!
So all that’s left is Katara & Sokka / Zukka pov
so I’d say I’m halfway? But the hard part is over (looking at you iroh & zukoooooooo) it took me a while to finish that & life has been super busy. But I wrote half the bato pov (3k so far) in one sitting so…. The rest could wrap up quickly. Unfortunately, I think we’re still a week or two out.
I wish I could give you a few lines or something but I’m indecisive and idk what to pick sorry <3
#I’m sorry I am being soooooooo slow#I know I don’t have to apologize but I will anyway#The zuko & iroh talk was difficult because I wanted it to be realistic and also satisfying#It ended up being more emotional than I thought#Zuko has been really holding it all in poor guy#Anywayyyyyyy next chapter is going to be a lot of good talks#Bato & Jee still being some of my faves to writw#They remind me of a not traumatized older zukka so that’s probably why#Sorry I don’t have better news anon#But thank you for being patient with me!!!!#leaving it all behind#LIAB#ITF#ask
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Ugh it's so irritating trying to find piano music on YouTube because every comment is either 'im nine years old and can play this! I'll be doing my grade 8 this year!!' and it's the hardest fucking piece you've ever heard, or it's someone saying 'this reminds me of my dead mother'
#am i being dramatic? yes#but god does it piss me off why is everyone so dramatic on youtube like stfu im just trying to find a version that has a slow tempo#also those nine year olds make me so so angry like im so impressed with them but gosh is it annoying to hear#hesitant sorrows speaks
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i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((
#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless#ok gonna start rambling here a bit#vent? ->#i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society#in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw.#but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing#drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful#i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard#sadge 😔😔#ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames#oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school#i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor#what is up with these neurologists man#i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here.#im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome#don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually#and i'm fucking amazing at drawing
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