#1) trying to mind control something. 2) seeing it actually worked. 3) overwhelmed with the responsibility of his new power.

[shiftthemoon]

reality shifting isn’t hard. you’ve been told it’s hard because everyone’s too scared to admit it’s not. they cling to their 800-step methods, their must-have crystals, their perfect conditions because they think that if they let go of that control, they’ll fail. but here’s the thing: the more you try to control the process, the more you convince yourself it’s out of your control. and that’s the problem. that’s why so many people feel stuck. shifting isn’t some big, far-fetched thing. it’s just you. it’s always been you.

we’re conditioned to think we’re powerless. think about it—school, work, society, all of it drills this idea into us that everything has to be proven, earned, validated. so, when you hear about shifting, your brain freaks out and says, wait, wait, this is too easy, this can’t be real. and then you spiral. you overcomplicate it. you make yourself think you need the “perfect” script, the “right” subliminal, or that you have to meditate for three hours while the stars align perfectly. like, no… you don’t. all of that? it’s fluff. it’s noise.

at its core, shifting is belief. just belief. no, really, let that sink in. you don’t need to “do” belief perfectly. it’s not something you master through sheer willpower. it’s something you already have. you’ve believed in things your whole life. you believed in gravity without needing proof. you believe your favorite songs are beautiful without needing to explain why. belief is natural. it’s effortless when you stop overthinking it. that’s the energy you need to bring to shifting—trust. trust that your mind knows what it’s doing, and that if you let it, it will take you there. every single extra thing you pile on? the overthinking, the doubt, the need for guarantees? that’s what’s slowing you down. not the “lack of progress,” not some mythical “block”—it’s you convincing yourself it’s harder than it is.

and let’s talk about social media for a second. oh my god, the shifting community on social media… i get it. it’s comforting to see other people on this journey. but let’s be honest—how much of that content is actually helping you? like, really? 90% of the time, scrolling through shifting advice isn’t inspiring; it’s overwhelming. everyone’s got their own opinions, their own “best methods,” their own rules. one person says scripting is a must, another says it’s a waste of time. one person swears by affirmations, another says visualization is the only way. and before you know it, you’re sitting there questioning everything you thought you knew, wondering if you’ll ever get it “right.” spoiler alert: you already know how to shift. you don’t need a thousand voices telling you what to do. in fact, the more you listen to them, the harder it becomes to hear yourself.

take a break. seriously. log off the apps. give yourself space to breathe and think. ask yourself: why do i want to shift? what’s stopping me? what feels right to me? no tiktok trend, youtube guide, or reddit post can answer those questions for you. only you can. and i know that sounds scary. we’ve been conditioned to think we need external validation for everything, but shifting is a deeply personal thing. you don’t need a step-by-step tutorial. you need to trust your instincts. that’s it.

and let me be clear: i’m not saying methods or subliminals are bad. they’re fine if they help you feel aligned. but they’re not what makes shifting happen. you are. methods are just tools. if you use them, great. if you don’t, that’s great too. because the truth is, shifting isn’t about doing things “right.” it’s about letting go of the idea that you need to.

so let me break it down for you. the only things you really need to shift are:

1. a desire. you have to want to go to your desired reality. no brainer, right?

2. belief. this is the big one. you have to trust it’s possible. no “what ifs,” no “but hows.” just trust.

3. persistence. if it doesn’t happen right away, that’s okay. don’t give up. if you’ve ever learned to ride a bike, you know that falling doesn’t mean you can’t do it—it just means you’re learning. shifting is the same.

that’s it. no fancy rituals, no endless research, no “perfect” conditions. the process is simple because it’s natural. you’ve probably done it before without even realizing it— the only reason it feels hard now is because you’ve convinced yourself it has to be.

stop making it harder than it needs to be. shifting isn’t this unattainable, mystical thing reserved for “chosen ones.” it’s something anyone can do. you can do it. your mom can do it. that anti-shifter lurking in every crevice of shiftblr could do it. you’ve always been capable. but you have to stop getting in your own way. stop doubting yourself. stop relying on others to tell you what’s possible. this is your journey. own it.

and above all, be patient. shifting is not a race. it’s not about how fast you can get there or how perfect your dr is. it’s about trust, intention, and focus. log off, tune into yourself, and let it happen. shifting has always been yours to claim. it’s not something you need permission for. it’s not something you need to earn. it’s just you, your mind, and your belief. always has been, always will be.

[yourmoonie]

DEALING WITH DOUBTS

Intro:

When doubts, fears, or anxiety arise, don’t fight with them or think that it is a dead-end. Instead, acknowledge them with gratitude. Recognize that fears are trying to protect you, doubts can motivate growth, and impatience signals your eagerness for good things. Invite your fears to wonder, -> "What if success is close?" Let doubts challenge limits and turn impatience into excitement for what’s coming. Rather than resisting old beliefs, shift your view on these emotions, give them a new purpose, and trust your intuition.

1. Shifting your POV

Instead of seeing doubts as barriers, let’s view them as part of our growth. When doubts pop up, it's because something within us wants reassurance or clarity. It’s a signal, not a dead-end. Now stay with me

2. UNDERSTANDING WHY IT APPEARS

Doubts don’t just appear for no reason; they’re often tied to past experiences or beliefs

Doubt -> an underlying cause -> why It appears -> how to reframe It -> moving forward

3. DONT FIGHT WITH YOURSELF

Doubts can actually help us to question, refine, & build more solid beliefs

Each doubt that you move through gives you a deeper trust in yourself. Like a good friend who’s honest with you, doubts can be useful if you listen, learn, and grow beyond them

The example:

✨️THE DOUBT: What if I am not good enough to get my SP's attention

✨️ LISTEN: Hear the doubt as f it's a friend being honest, pointing out where you might feel insecure.

✨️ LEARN: Ask yourself why this feeling exists. Maybe it's tied to a belief about self-worth.

✨️ GROW BEYOND: Use this awareness to focus on building confidence and self-love, reminding yourself that you're worthy and valuable just as you are

✨️ RESULT: Instead of letting the doubt hold you back, you're using it as a push to strengthen your self-image

4. PICK & CHOOSE

After acknowledging & understanding doubts, it’s time to release them

Imagine each doubt as a passing cloud

You notice it, see what it’s about, and then watch it drift away. You don’t have to cling to every thought

Choose which ones you want to keep

5. REMIND YOURSELF OF YOUR TRUTH

When a doubt comes up, gently remind yourself of your truth

Let’s say you doubt if you’re capable of achieving your desire

You could say, “I trust my ability to manifest & I trust myself”

It’s not about forcing the doubt away but bringing yourself back to your inner belief

6. Appreciating them & letting them go

The next time you catch yourself doubting, try saying, “Thank you for showing me what I need to work on.” This way, you honor the doubt but also make a conscious decision to not hold onto it. Acknowledging it without fear takes away its power over you

7. TODAY'S LESSONS

So today, we learned to:

✅️ To acknowledge the doubts without fearing them

✅️ Appreciate what they teach us

✅️ Letting them go and refocusing on the truth

Doubts don’t have to control you. They can be gentle reminders to dig deeper into your own strength

Trust that you’re on the right path

Some ground techniques for you:

Mindfulness Exercise (My favorite):

When doubts or overwhelm arise, bring yourself back to the present moment. Count your fingers, look around, and connect with your surroundings. Remind yourself that you exist in this moment, and that the thoughts passing through your mind aren’t truly you. Let these thoughts drift by and rest in the knowing that everything is working out in your favor.

Energetic Grounding Exercise (Another favorite):

✨ Start by sitting comfortably in a chair. Visualize roots, cords, or chains extending from your feet deep into the earth and from your base chakra. Feel as though you’re solidly anchored, like a tripod.

✨ Then, imagine a rope or pillar of light entering your crown chakra. This light can be any color that feels healing and powerful for you. See it flow through your body, traveling from your head to your feet, passing through each chakra.

✨ Declare out loud that you are grounded to the earth. Visualize toxins and negativity releasing through the roots into the soil, where they are transformed into energy. Allow the crown chakra connection to draw in healing energy that flows throughout your being.

This practice can help you feel centered, calm, and aligned with positive energy.

[digonthis]

Catered Audience- Pt. 4

Spencer Agnew x f!Reader

1.8k words

( ᴅᴍ ᴏʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴛᴀɢ :] )

slow burn-ish, fluff, mutual pining, all that shit

part 1 part 2 part 3

tags (ily): @midnightdragonzero @stand-tall-pineapple @anarchisticedtea

‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧♡‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧

Spencer loved the Smosh holiday parties�� for the first hour.

After that it tends to become more exhausting than anything else. Everyone was either drunk, babysitting the drunks, or starting the next big office rumour thanks to stupid drunken actions taken out of context.

That’s exactly why, upon arrival, he snuck away to one of the smaller rooms in the venue, one with a tv that him and Alex had discovered the year prior, and ended up watching a movie after the boredom of the late-night party set in. This time, he was a little more prepared with clone hero on his laptop and the guitar controller he’d swiped from the office for the occasion. Once satisfied that the setup would bring a smile to Alex’s face a few hours from now, Spencer adjusted the collar of the ugly christmas sweater he’d been coerced into wearing and made his way into the party.

Music, lights, food, crowds of people, and a million selfies he was encouraged to join in on overwhelmed him immediately. Being on everyone’s instagram stories was a given for this kind of event, so he threw on his best photo smile and an awkward thumbs up. He soon found Alex, whose sweater was even uglier than his own. Through the regular slew of joking insults that they greeted each other with, Spencer swore he could see an irregularly cheerful smile always on Alex’s face, as if he had something planned that he couldn’t keep to himself for long.

Spencer let that be for now, turning his attention to Ian’s little opening speech. It was more of a stand-up routine really, poking fun at everyone while simultaneously acknowledging all the hard work and progress they’d accomplished this year. It ended with a toast, almost everyone had a glass of something bubbly in hand, and a ravenous applause. Alex nudged him gently, but Spencer paid it no mind. It was only after three or four nudges that he actually turned his attention to his friend, following his gaze again until it landed on a group of the girls standing a few metres away, toasting their own glasses. Angela, Arasha, Courtney, and… someone else. Facing away, he couldn’t make out who it was.  Alex just kept looking at him with that stupid smile as gears refused to turn in his brain.

“Hey man, is that uh… the…”

“Yup.”

“Oh. Huh.”

That was all Spencer could manage, his brain short-circuiting as he realized that it was definitely her. Even from the back, he recognized her hair, and his ears picked up that familiar laugh, watching her shoulders shake at a stupid joke someone had made. 

He quickly realized confirmation of identity would come very soon as she started to turn around, eyes flickering around the room. She seemed to be looking for something for just a moment before returning to the conversation. “Go talk to her.”

Spencer 's gaze snapped to Alex, appalled by his request. “I’m not gonna just- she’s a stranger!” “She knows you from the videos, i’m sure. She made you a cupcake.” Alex replied coolly, before draining his glass. Spencer stood and thought for a moment, trying to think of how he could start a normal conversation. Alex must’ve sensed his apprehension, grabbing another glass for each of them. “You’re the least awkward guy ever, you know. Just be normal. Chill.”

“Nah, I don’t want to freak her out. Especially after all the stuff in videos lately. I’m not worried about it, really. Let her enjoy the party…”

This was obviously a bit of an excuse, but Alex decided to let it slide. He saw the way Spencer was holding onto the drink he’d given him, eyes flickering to where she’d stood every few seconds. Thankfully, work parties at Smosh were always jam-packed with things to do, so it wasn’t long before some game or speech or tik tok filming would take his mind off of the unexpected party guest.

As expected, a few hours passed and Spencer had exhausted any energy he had to think about the girl. There were a few times they’d locked eyes, but neither had bothered to talk to the other. He usually kept an eye on where she was, just for his own peace of mind. For the last fifteen minutes, there was no sign of her, so he assumed she’d gone home. A twinge of regret hit him, just a little, for not just doing what Alex said and talking to her, but the guilt didn’t last too long as he remembered his setup from earlier.

Slipping away from the group he was standing in, long since tuned out of the conversation, Spencer made his way to the room he’d left the guitar hero in. Hearing soft music coming from the room, he silently cursed Alex for starting without him before shoving the door open in a playful huff, ready with a quip about patience before immediately choking on his words.

There she was. The girl who hadn’t left his mind for weeks, surrounded by empty cups of booze, high heels abandoned, dialled in and absolutely shredding Alice in Chains.

She was mumbling the words along too, and from the looks of the notes flying on the screen it was quite the tough difficulty setting. She kept up, eyes never leaving the screen as obviously experienced fingers hit the fret buttons and strummed away. She had the telltale blush of a drunk across her cheeks and nose, even spreading a little to her ears, and her eyelids drooped a bit every now and again before snapping back to high alert. To Spencer’s delight, the door wasn’t loud enough or in a position where she’d seen him walk into the room, so he took a moment to appreciate the sight.

The song ended before he’d figured out what to do or say, so he simply walked over and sat next to her, clapping along with the applause coming from the game. Her eyes widened as they finally met his, the grip she had on the plastic guitar tightening before she quickly pulled it off, offering it up. “I didn’t mean to mess with your stuff, I just haven’t played since I was in college and wanted to see-”

“Good song choice, do another.” He stated plainly with a gentle smile. She was obviously a little startled, but nodded before slowly putting the guitar back on. “I still want a turn after, though. Just need a minute to decide what to play...” Spencer added, adjusting his sitting position on the floor, intent to watch the girl and the screen at the same time.

She took a few minutes to scroll through songs, humming along to a few previews before settling on Nine Inch Nails. “I could never do the solo at the end as a kid, it always killed my hands…” She muttered, setting the difficulty to hard and settling her fingers on the keys as the beat started up.

She played the majority of the song with ease, but just as she said, the solo came around and she fumbled it immediately. Teeth dug into her bottom lip as the screen flashed red and the song abruptly ended, making her giggle nervously. Spencer, who hadn’t realized how invested he’d become until that moment, unclenched his fists and leaned back with a soft smile. “That shit was tough, I can’t blame you…” He mumbled, shifting a little. She began to pull the guitar strap off again, but he placed his hand on her’s for a split second before pulling away. “At least try one more time, you were close!”

It took a little convincing, but the drunken, glazed over look in her eyes turned to determination at his insistence and she booted the song back up again. He was now sitting ever so closer, His hip almost bumping hers as she dialled in on the song. Note after note, Spencer was painfully aware of the approaching solo, the alcohol in both their systems making the feat far more important than what it actually was.

Before he knew what he was even really doing, he had slid over to sit behind her. The pads of his fingers pressed to the tops of hers as he tried to find the frets, the notes started rolling in. He felt the way she tensed against his chest for a moment before leaning into him, now only focused on strumming as tipsy giggles fell from her lips. The song filled the silence of the room as Spencer handled the solo almost mechanically, gently pinning her fingers to the buttons, puppeting her through the tough stuff without problem. 

He quickly released his hand as she whispered a quiet thank you, feeling her hands regain control, hard part was done. A quick nod of acknowledgement was meant to be his cue to slip away, even if it was barely in her peripheral, but he hesitated on moving out of her personal space as he noticed the gentle pressure on his chest hadn’t gone away. She was still leaning on him. He sucked in a generous breath, hoping his heartbeat wasn’t going any crazier than it already had been, and settled in to watch her play the rest of the song. He held his breath a little at her shaky ending, but let it out slowly with a smile on his face as she seemed to brighten up at finally finishing the track, giggling fit returning as she let her head fall back on his shoulder so their eyes could finally meet. “You’re pretty good at that, you know.” 

Spencer could only smile and nod at first, looking away after a moment of taking in how pretty her eyes were up close. “I work on the games channel here, it’s kinda my job to be pretty good at that stuff.”

That only makes her laugh again, adjusting the guitar again and holding it up against her body. “Your turn now, only fair. Pick a song.”

His arms wrap around her carefully, taking hold of the controller and beginning to scroll through songs. He could only pray that it would be a little longer before Alex showed up to play with them, fully unaware that Alex had been the one to tip the girl off to the hidden game room in the first place. Nobody would be bothering them, that was for certain. As Spencer began the next song and the girl settled against his chest, the sting of biting his lip in concentration was the only way he could stay convinced this was anything other than a dream.

Her little hums and sighs as she watched the screen, the smell of her hair, the way he felt her tense and focus for difficult riffs and hum along to the lyrics she could recall… maybe he was dreaming, after all.

[thesophistiicate]

hey im 20 year old female. recently i have recognised that i practice negative self talk a lot. any advices how could i stop or atleast reduce it?

how to cure negative self talk 🤍💭

the way we speak to ourselves can majorly impact our self worth and ability to reach our goals. i remember when i first tuned into my inner monologue… i was shocked and disgusted at how horribly i was speaking to myself all day every day. i had no idea! so i began researching how to stop it and implementing as much as i could. it definitely takes a lot of active work but i’m happy to say that years later i currently hardly ever have negative thoughts about myself (or others) anymore, and when i do it’s really easy to catch and deal with.

1. tune into your thoughts

it’s common for negative thoughts to run wild through our minds without us actually even noticing. the first step is to take some time to tune in and really notice what you’re thinking. the best time to do this is in “trigger” moments, like when you’re stressed, facing something challenging, looking at yourself, reflecting on a social interaction etc. how you talk to yourself in these moments will be very revealing.

2. actively reframe negative thoughts

flip any negative thought you have into an opposite, positive thought and/or speak to yourself with compassion and nurture. a common one for me when i was stressed while working and feeling stuck was “ugh i’m so stupid!” i changed it to “i’m smart and capable of solving problems”. it will feel silly at first but the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. with time you won’t have the negative thoughts at all.

3. journalling/writing morning pages

morning pages are from “the artist’s way”, which i recommend everyone read and try at least once in their life. but you write 3 pages of free flowing thoughts first thing in the morning (ideally). no self editing, anything that crosses your mind goes down. this is where a lot of your deep negative thoughts tend to spew out, and this allows you to see them, confront them, and view them as the silly little thoughts they are. your negative thoughts are from shame and fear; you need to express them and get them out. shame thrives in darkness but will shrivel under the light.

4. practice mindfulness and staying present in the moment

so often we spiral into negativity due to overwhelm. guided meditations helped me a lot (you can find them on YouTube, Spotify, insight timer etc). you’re essentially trying to re-wire your automatic brain response so you need to be able to stop running on autopilot and actually tune into what’s happening inside by gaining some control over your thoughts. it’s literally like training a muscle so is difficult at first, but you get better at it the more you do.

5. eliminate distractions and consider a dopamine detox

we numb and distract ourselves in a variety of ways. whether it’s constantly surrounding ourselves with people, scrolling social media, binge watching tv, over-using substances or other indulgences etc… these things are fine in moderation (and actually can be necessary to overall wellbeing, i think being constantly self aware can also drive you crazy and you’re allowed to have a break) but take note of how often you are actually numbing yourself out and promoting disconnection with your mind. you need to be able to face your thoughts.

6. notice how you think about others, too

i’ve mentioned before one of my worst qualities to overcome was the fact i could be very judgemental and arrogant. i actually found this was directly related to my negative self perception - after all, what we think about others is usually actually just a projection of how we feel about ourselves, our insecurities, our fears. so i also made an effort to stop judging others and instead find positives to focus on. this worked so well to overall retrain my mind toward positivity (and also started attracting much more healthy and positive relationships into my life too).

and consider tailored support if necessary

if you struggle with any of the steps on your own, a therapist, counsellor, coach, or other professional may able to be help with more personalised guidance 🤍

[cosmicwindmillcomplex]

Do you have any advice for people who are about to start EMDR?

actually yes! And I’m so glad you asked because idk if I ever would’ve thought about making it into a post! apologies for the late response but wanted to give it a lot of thought! I’ve been doing EMDR on and off for about 3.5 years now with my therapist, as a disclaimer: I am not an expert so this would be my advice based on my personal experience with and knowledge of EMDR.

1. Make sure you trust your therapist or whoever the professional who will be guiding you through the experience is; also make sure that they are qualified with EMDR experience. They should not offer the option if they have no experience with it.

2. Make sure you are in a relatively stable enough place to go through it. Don’t lie just because you want to do it. it’s a very intense psychological experience and can be draining so just be somewhat prepared and don’t be surprised if you feel kinda worn out the rest of the day after the session. There have been times I have taken breaks from EMDR when other issues of life became problematic and as a result I was less stable. It’s not something you want to force when you’re not stable enough, for safety reasons. For me it was difficult to admit I wasn’t stable enough as I wanted to just “push through” thinking it’ll automatically heal me, but it doesn’t quite work that way.

3. My sister is also a licensed therapist and gave me this metaphor when I was struggling with EMDR, it has shifted my perspective and helped me a lot. Think of EMDR as riding a train through your subconscious/inner world (however you like to think of it). In between the bilateral stimulation parts your therapist will usually ask something such as “what are you noticing”. This is when you peek out the train window or poke your head out and see where the train has stopped. but you stay on the train and then repeat the process at the next stop. Do your very best to observe and not be “sucked in” to whatever you are noticing. What you notice could be an image your brain gives you, it could be a memory, or a physical sensation of some kind as well. It’s kind cool like your brain is communicating with you!

4. EMDR does require bringing up and having to somewhat relive your trauma in the controlled environment, which is why you want to make sure you trust your therapist and have any grounding items nearby or with you. If you go in person and drive yourself, don’t feel the need to drive away immediately. It’s okay to sit for a while until you’re ready. If you do telehealth maybe keep some grounding items near you and always be in a room/environment where you feel really safe. Allow time afterwards for some self care and taking it easy.

5. My therapist describes it as a process to try and close the trauma loop in a way that the memories don’t impact you quite as badly. Some have equated it to “exposure therapy but make it trauma”, although it’s kinda right, it’s more complex than that. Often things that come up repeatedly can be clues, like a branch of a tree, and through sessions you may find the roots deeper down. There may be root memories you’re not aware of and through EMDR you may eventually find those roots when you’re ready.

6. Be patient!!! You don’t want to overthink or over analyze it too much outside of therapy. It’s okay and natural to think of it but don’t try too hard to investigate, give your brain time and it will probably make sense later down the road when you are ready. I usually will write down something if it comes up and then try to put it out of my mind until next session. Don’t push yourself or judge too hard. It is a lot to go through and very heavy, it makes sense to feel frustrated or discouraged but you will make progress in your own time. Don’t be afraid to use a stop signal if you feel overwhelmed, you don’t always have to keep going!

7. Be honest! Do your very best to not worry about being judged or anything like that. Let your brain go where it needs to go without judgment or trying to control it. Don’t lie or try to force your session to to a certain way, all it will do is slow your progress! (Not trying to call anyone a liar intentionally, but sometimes we would try to direct or deflect certain things in session due to feeling like we needed more progress faster and fears/anxieties/doubts, as an impulse reaction almost, in this case we think about it for a while and journal on it until we have the words to talk it out and explain more in another session later on. “Lying” in this context can also just simply be telling your therapist you’re okay when you know that you are not.)

I hope this helps and makes some kind of sense! Wishing you lots of love and comfort as you start your journey with EMDR ❤️‍��

[successblueprints]

How I Deal with Tough Days When My Brain Won't Let Me Work

We all have those days where productivity feels impossible. It’s like no matter what we do, we just can’t seem to get started. I’ve come to realize that, for me, these days aren’t just about laziness or lack of motivation—it’s more complex. When I procrastinate, it’s often my creative brain, or what I like to call my “inner child,” throwing a tantrum.

Step 1: Understanding the Procrastination

The first thing I do is pause and try to understand what I’m running away from. Is it the overwhelming amount of work? In that case, I break it down into smaller, manageable bits. When the material feels boring, I add some fun—by creating colorful and funny interpretations of definitions or concepts. I turn words into weird characters, almost like a cartoon in my mind. Sometimes, I’ll turn it into a game, like seeing how many questions I can get right, or even trying new study techniques like rewriting a sentence or reading it out loud.

I find that when I’m bored, it’s a perfect opportunity to experiment. I might try drawing funny sketches of the material or use quirky interpretations to make it more interesting. The key is that I have to figure out what’s causing the procrastination—is it fear, perfectionism, or just the sheer volume of work?

Step 2: Naming My Inner Child

Once I understand what’s happening, I like to give my inner child a friendly name. This helps me communicate with it when things get tough. Every time I mess something up and feel like quitting, I know that it’s just my inner child reacting to the idea of perfectionism. Naming it makes it less scary, and I feel more in control of the situation.

A perfect example would be the time I noticed that my inner child shows up in my skincare routine, but not because I’m lazy—it's because I feel unmotivated when I don’t have enough of those colorful, trendy products, like the ones all over TikTok. You know, the Drunk Elephant skincare, with its fun packaging that every influencer seems to have. It taps into the same idea as “Sephora kids,” where even as adults, we’re drawn to overconsumption of things we don’t actually need, just because they’re colorful or trendy or aesthetically pleasing.

But I’ve realized that I don’t need fancy, colorful products to wash my face before bed. My inner child might crave those items, but recognizing that helps me let go of the unnecessary pressure to follow trends. I focus on the routine itself, rather than what’s missing from my shelf.

Step 3: Clearing the Distractions

Next, I clear my desk. Anything that’s not a school supply or a tool I need for work can be a distraction, especially if it’s colorful or unrelated to my task. I set a 5-minute timer and start working, just to show my inner child that it’s really not that scary. Once the timer’s up, I double it, taking short breathers in between. I repeat this until I feel like I’ve done enough for the day.

Step 4: Knowing When Enough Is Enough

After a certain point, I trust my own judgment. I ask myself honestly, “Is this enough for today?” If I feel like I’ve given it my best shot, I let go of the need to do more. I accept that some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay. The important thing is that I’m not fighting my inner child, but working with it.

It’s a simple process, but it’s effective. Instead of battling myself, I’ve learned to communicate with that part of me that gets overwhelmed, bored, or perfectionistic. By understanding and breaking things down, I can get through even the toughest days without feeling like I need to drop everything.

P.S.: I’ve struggled to stay productive most of my life, and a part of that was because I didn’t grow up in one of those aesthetically pleasing, western-style homes you always see on social media. I live in the Balkans, and my bedroom looked nothing like that. It wasn’t perfectly curated or full of trendy decor, but over time, I grew to love my culture and my surroundings. Even though I wasn’t the richest or living the most "aesthetic" lifestyle, I’ve learned that what I have is enough, and it doesn’t define my ability to be productive or happy.

[smallearthboundfindings]

"now ask about ness for an equally long essay" formally requesting the essay ^__^ unless other people got the same idea to ask about him and in which case go with any other main character you feel like doing (although the more obscure ones have been fun to read/think about)!

Woo, Ness the Bess, let's go!! (Nope, no other Ness requests yet!)

Unfortunately, now I am faced with a new problem: I have TOO much material to work with! (Ness's section alone on my headcanons doc is 5 pages, 12px Times New Roman, Double Spaced.)

But you know what? I’ll just pick the one I can elaborate on the most. It also goes into a larger theory of mine, so here goes: this one's about Ness's homesickness status effects, a few other things, and the implications this has on how PSI works as a whole.

Here's the original snippet from my doc:

"Explaining his homesickness status, [Ness] has a tendency to become overwhelmed under stress, which can either weaken, disable, or throw his powers completely out of his control to spark out randomly by his emotional state. Remembering home is just the most common manifestation of what his brain will try to calm him down with but, ironically, this tends to just make the problem worse due to his sentimentality."

I’ll elaborate upon this because I think it has more to be said.

PSI is clearly heavily linked to its user’s emotions. For one, the magic butterfly that restores it is stated to “make Ness and his friends relax”. This implies that a calm mind is required to use psychic moves. Not only that, but there is also the “Can’t Concentrate” status condition, which, guess what? Disables psychic moves. These combined with the fact that things like homesickness can cause missed attacks show that, yes, emotional state absolutely has an effect on the moves. If you are not stable enough, they simply will not work.

Look at Giygas (corrupted form), for example, who clearly is not controlling any of those moves you cannot comprehend the true form of. They seem almost random and for his clear chaotic state of disarray, it makes sense that the attacks become just as random.

So emotional disarray can either disable your powers, make you use them less efficiently, or throw them at random it seems.

Now, most of the time, Ness is a pretty jolly kid, but you know he is absolutely emotionally driven by his family (has to call both his mom and his dad to do well). And something interesting about the homesickness status, is that it’s only relevant in the middle of the game. See, I’m copy-pasting but the stats on that are as follows:

Level 1-15: 0/256

Level 16-30: 3/256

Level 31-75: 2/256

Level 76-99: 0/256

Here’s what I think is happening here…

At first, he’s very close to home, so no problem! He’s just like, “Yay! Adventure! :D :D”

But once he’s out of Onett, then he starts thinking, “Am I out of my mind? Is this too far? What if?” And it’s clear he thinks these things too if not evidently clear by Lumine Hall’s dialogue. He clearly puts a lot of pressure on himself to keep the others safe at a certain point where it is no longer just fun and games until he has actually and literally fought his inner doubts in Magicant and returns sure of himself and brave (aka. the Lv. 76-99 range).

So yeah, that’s what I think! Ness was not always the best with his powers because he channelled his sentimentality in the wrong way. It’s not that he couldn’t be sentimental, being sweet is part of his character! Look at his Magicant and he’s clearly still trying to justify Porky no matter all he’s done. He has so much optimism in the world, yet doubts in himself, ironically. He seems like the type to mask these doubts in his humor but if becomes too large, he simply cannot bottle it further. It’s just that he had to learn to believe in himself to be able to calm his nerves from the inside.

PSI users also accidentally using PSI under emotional distress is also great for angst. Just imagine one of them clearly trying to hide they feel scared or something but little flecks of colors are just sparking off of them, making it clear to their friends that something’s wrong but they don’t know what? Oh, that’s good for the angst. I could say something really heartbreaking about Claus now. But I won’t! Cause this ain’t about him!

But anyway, there’s your PSI/Ness’s homesickness essay! Hope that was essay-y enough for you! Thanks for asking!

[thequietmanno1]

TheLreads, Vigilantes ch 108, Replies Part 1

1) “Shit’s about to get real and I’m over here praying that Furuhashi doesn’t let me down, on Chapter 108: The Variant.”-Well, Nomura’s certinaly getting more hits in than he was before….but only as long as Koichis conscious self is in the driver’s swat. Once control slips over to “the other guy”, it don’t matter how fast you are, Koichi’s untouchable. In a way, this is a battle between a guy who has tons of attack options trying to improvise the one that’d slip through the defences of a guy with a single, but very versatile defensive option.

2) “And we open up with koichi looking dumbstruck, as usual.

He’s like “bro I don’t think that’s normal, what about we stop fighting and you go see a doctor?””- His body already knows what it takes to survive Nomura’s strikes, so it’s getting ready to turn off that pesky interfering grey matter at a moment’s notice.

3) “Oh McBee, you definitely jinxed it, now he’s gonna be faster even after that massive upgrade. What a shame this one-winged angel form already failed.”- Well, not specifically faster – Nomura does get a few good hits in- but when it comes to unleashing the lethal attacks, the sense of danger overwhelms Koichi’s mind to a region wherein thoughts don’t matter, and his body just does what needs to happen to dodge it. The longer he stays in that region, the more aware of it and controllable it becomes, which is why Nomura needs to end the fight rather than dragging it out…but Koichi’s very good at time-wasting.

4) “OH AND THERE WE GO

ALRIGHT FURUHASHI, I’LL GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE, SHOW US SOME GOOD STUFF, ALL THE INGREDIENTS ARE HERE, JUST COOK SOME GOOD MEAL OKAY?”- I like how the speech-bubble was left behind where he was to indicate how fast he’s moving – and indeed, for all the thinking quickly that allows both of them to mentally monologue for a bit in this chapter, neither one actually converses with the other for the whole of it until the end, moving too fast for words to keep up. 5) “But not so fast you didn’t notice him bolting right beside you”- Seeing as Koichi doesn’t really move his eyes or anything to look at Nomura, I see this as his inbuilt instincts making him aware of where Nomura’s gone even if his eyes can’t keep up- sorta like a “zoom-out” effect. 6) “I mean guy, c'mon, if you’re that fast there was no reason to go past him and try to attack him from behind

what’s your problem McBee? Why do you refuse to kill him unless you’re behind him?”- Nomura figures Koichi will possibly react a crucial half-second slower if he’s attacked in a manner that he can’t see coming, which he can use to land a devastating wound. He’s trying to maximise as much of his speed as possible by limiting the chances for Koichi to perceive him…which doesn’t work because Koichi’s “danger sense” allows him to understand where Nomura is even if he doesn’t really “see” him clearly. 7) “okay so that was less than one page before Koichi managed to catch up to his speed. Good job dude.

Sure, I can’t tell if he’s using Overclock there, it at least doesn’t look like it, but I don’t see a reason for him to not use everything he got since we are this desperate to win”- He needs a little time to start kicking the engine up to higher gears, starting fast, then getting faster and faster.

8) “C'mon McBee, you can do better than this. Spit fire at him since you look like a demon now, do something, it doesn’t look like you’re that faster.”- Still in “low Gear” mode, needs some time (ironically) for the higher revolutions to kick in.

9) “Oh now we’re talking! He managed to get a hit in before Koichi could even dodge or defend himself, now we’re starting to see some good shit”- Nomura decides he’d rather throws heads than hands this time.

10) “I was only half-joking there, but I am glad he’s throwing it down like a beast, this is what I was waiting for”-Nomura unleashed his inner animal…but all it does is bring out Koichi’s inner animal instinct in response, allowing him to counter without thought slowing him down. For all that Nomura’s faster-thinking than anybody else, he’s finally found an opponent who just acts faster than his body can move.

11) “now we’re gonna get some real mileage out of overclock, although now he’s acting like an animal, so the quirk is not as effective when it comes to planning his next move”- Given how his “plans” have gone so far, that actually works in his favour. To beat Koichi, Nomura needed to discard thinking as well, and just attack however his inner animal wanted to. 12) “Yeah Koichi, you had it good for too long, especially those two years when nothing important happened. Now it’s time to get your shit kicked in so you can rise as a better hero. Time to learn through pain, and by god is this gonna be a hell of a lecture.”- The more Nomura hurts him, the more Koichi comes to grips with in true potential, and starts mastering it to hold off his foe’s increased tenacity. By now, Koichi’s already reached the level of being an effective pro-hero, capable of fighting on the level of somebody like Aizawa, and at the rate he’s going, his Quirk mastery by the fight’s end would put him above any other threat he’s faced over the course of this whole story.

13) “DAMMIT DUDE YOU JUST SHOW UP TO RUIN THE FUN DON’T YOU?

WHY DON’T YOU MAKE LIKE THE REAL KNUCKLES AND FUCK OFF TO THE CONVENIENCE STORE? LET McBEE DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE”- Indeed, going with the whole “thinking slows you down” aspect to this fight, the minute O’clock Tulpa speaks up, the battle starts going against Nomura as his thoughts are distracted mid-attack, whereas Koichi’s own movements become faster as “the other guy” steps in. @thelreads

[loosesodamarble]

Hiya Erika! i love this ask game so much, and these will all be for Kai’ichi since…Kaizio is rotating in my head like a frozen burito in a microwave 🤣! Also I apologize that its a lot so just take your time with it 🥰!

Eros 1, Philia 2, Storge 3, Ludus 5, and Pragma 2

I wanted to ask a couple of more but I didn’t want to overwhelm you so I’ll ask next time 👀😌!

The answers to your many questions are finally here, Lyra! Thanks for waiting for them~!

..........

Eros 1: Is your OC romantic in the traditional sense? Do they enjoy giving or receiving gifts of flowers or confectionary? Or are there other courtship traditions from their culture of origin that are important to them?

Unfortunately for Kai'ichi, he isn't much for traditionally romantic gestures. They're boring because they're the standard. If his partner wants flowers or chocolates, he would do his best to give them. And he'd go above and beyond giving the "best" versions of those gifts. But Kai'ichi would find little satisfaction in such things.

He'd much rather give his romantic partner experiences to treasure. There could be physical mementos of the activities and adventures they've gone on, but rarely does Kai'ichi think to actively give some kind of souvenir. It's being with the one he loves that he finds more romantic.

Philia 2: Does your OC find it easy to make friends? Or are there barriers to them doing so? If so then are these due to issues of inclination, communication, or something else entirely?

Kai'ichi can actually make friends pretty well, despite being a bit on the socially inept side. His enthusiasm is what draws people in. He can be a little pushy but most will agree that he's pretty encouraging. And having a friend who always encourages and supports you is what Kai'ichi is there for.

His more aggressive tendencies - fight first, ask questions later attitude - will scare away the faint of heart though. Not that Kai'ichi minds. He'd rather not befriend people that he'd have to hold back around.

Storge 3: How far does parental approval (imagined or expressed) impact upon their current sense of self-worth? What might they sacrifice or attempt to achieve in order to ensure the approval of their parents?

Ichika is a hard to please person in general, but I think she'd be a little lenient on her future children. Saying that, Ichika still holds some standards as she wants her sons to be upstanding individuals.

In general, Kai has high self-esteem. He's a natural talent, which not only gives him a good dose of confidence but compels him to work hard to keep up the reputation he has. However, Kai would take it pretty hard if he disappointed Ichika. Because he believes her to be the most amazing person in the world, he does his best to adhere to her example and advice. Being unable to do that would hit him hard and make him pause to question himself as her son.

If Kai'ichi was really truly desperate to gain Ichika's approval if he felt like he needed to, he'd actually try to restrain himself. He's over the top and less in control of his impulses than his mother and that would be one of the things she criticizes him for. Thus, Kai'ichi's fire would be smothered as he tries to be more reserved like Ichika. It would be sad to see since he's the liveliest person in the Yami household and their lives become duller without his chaos.

Ludus 5: What seduction techniques are most likely to be effective when it comes to your OC? Are there some things guaranteed to get them going? Or are they immune to such things?

Assertiveness. That shit will always make Kai weak at the knees when it comes to romance. When he's in the right headspace, he's very forward himself so it's a matter of matching energy.

Approach him from across a ballroom with a smile. Be the one to ask him for a dance. Just straight up compliment him while he's trying to decide what to say. As long as a prospective partner can essentially get a head start on putting the moves on Kai'ichi, then he's going to be giving them his attention.

Oh, also the lamest, cringiest pick up lines. He's sick and tired of the roundabout and flowery romance language he hears from Shigehiro's literature so "lowbrow" romantic flirtations will make him smile.

Pragma 2: What is the biggest challenge that your OC has had to overcome in a long-term relationship or friendship? What helped them get through this?

When it comes to all of his relationships (platonic or romantic), the biggest hurdle Kai'ichi faces is his inability to slow down. He's always trying to challenge himself and find interesting things to do. So friendships have ended due to the other parties being unable to take Kai's constant energy or talk him into relaxing. Because I think Kai'ichi could learn to appreciate quieter moments, but it's going to take someone strong mentally (and maybe physically) to get Kai to sit his butt down.

For his relationships specific to characters in Clover Kingdom, the distance between Clover and Hino is a huge challenge. I believe the two countries would be able to establish contact after the final arc, but it's not like Kai'ichi can drop by whenever he feels like it. It'd either take a long journey or powerful magic to get him there in a shorter time span. Kai'ichi would do his best to believe that his connections in Clover wouldn't forget him but he would have a little anxiety about missing out on things in their lives. I'm not sure what sort of solution there'd be for this issue except finding really loyal people to call his friends in Clover.

And when Kai'ichi develops feelings for Ezio, oh man will he be conflicted. Because it was always Kai's dream to become a member of the Ryuzen Seven like his mother. But he wants to live in Clover with Ezio. His childhood dream or his new dream? Which is he going to choose?

[elizaellwrites]

How Do I Plan Tag

So, appropriate to the conflicting sides of my personality, my planning style has two drastically different approaches... so let's get started! (I'm wordy, I apologize in advance.)

Thank you @my-cursed-prince for tagging me in this and for everyone who's ready to bear with me as I try to explain the war that takes place in my mind.

How do you plot your writing out?

Step 1- Inspiration

This almost always happens at the worst possible times, either while I'm at work, in class, doing homework, etc. Most of the time it's because I see or hear something that sends a lightning bolt of an idea straight into my mind, and I don't know how my brain jumped through the hoops to get what I got out of what I was given. When this happens, it's almost always frustrating in the moment, since I get the overwhelming urge to start immediately when I often can't. I either make a mental note of the idea, or I write a physical note to remind myself to revisit it.

Purposeful/directed inspiration can also come through listening to music, watching movies/TV shows, reading, and looking at art, but this is honestly less common unless I'm writing while doing these things simultaneously (which I do quite a bit.)

Step 2- Filtering

This can happen in one of two ways. The first is whether I decide to call my brother (my unofficial editor) to see if my idea even remotely makes sense to anyone that isn't me. Then we either scrap, alter, or build on the ideas over the next half hour or so. Most of the time he just tells me that it's my story so I know what will work best with what I'm planning, but I also know that some things can seem obvious to me as the author that will go unintentionally under the radar to a reader, so he's a great help in my process when I bring him in.

The other way can be best described as a mental file cabinet, where I keep all of my plans for current and future projects. Truly, I think this is the more common way I do it, otherwise, I would be calling my poor brother almost constantly. When I'm doing this, I'm basically skimming through each of the files, seeing if this new idea works anywhere, and which characters would be best for this plotline, or vice versa. If it doesn't fit anywhere but has potential, I make another file and save it for later. If it contradicts what I've built, it gets dismissed. If it does fit, I then go to the next step...

Step 3- Development

This is where I spend most of my time. If it's a character, this is background, personality, role, etc. If it's worldbuilding, I'm here for days to weeks until it's blended into everything I had developed previously, as if it was always there. If it's a plot line or event, I locate where it is in the master timeline and create a rough sketch of what I want to happen around the initial idea. Any research takes place here as well. It's pretty straightforward.

Step 4- Bullet Point Storylining

This creates a visual for me to go off of; a road map per se. It's flexible and very open to possibilities, yet holds me to the structure that I put in place during development. This way, nothing crazy happens, but I can still surprise myself in...

Step 5- Drafting

Where chaos unfolds. Anything can happen- as long as I try to follow the map I set up with my bullet points. Then I repeat the drafting of that part until my perfectionism is satisfied enough to where I don't feel like I need to burn the pages that only exist on my computer. So this period can also take quite a bit of time, as I refine and shape draft after draft. Editing is included in this step, as editing is simply rewriting, but way better.

In short, the process is: Plan, check the plan, plan some more, draw out the plan, then set the plan on (barely controlled) fire.

2. What's your favorite part of the writing process?

I really enjoy the actual writing part the most. It's incredibly freeing to get everything out on paper, and that feeling doesn't change when I'm even just rewriting.

Seeing how everything ties together even better than they do in the filing cabinets and scattered notes. I love to see my characters interact in a way that is better than I could ever simply explain that they would. I love when they come to life and react in a way that I didn't initially see from them but makes so much sense. I like painting my world with words so that others can fall in love with it as much as I have through the hundreds of hours I've poured into it.

In some ways, my writing process is a mystery to me in how my worldbuilding has gotten so expansive that I'm building a Google Site and a guidebook for myself. I don't know when my characters started acting without my explicit permission, and I don't know where the inspiration for my specific plotlines came from. Some have been there so long that they've just become a fundamental fact of the story and the world.

I love how it's gotten a life of its own through the chaos that has burned through the first four steps of my writing process in the last, but most important one. To me, my characters have been real people for years. Is that weird? Maybe, but it's also incredibly special, and I wouldn't change that for anything. They've grown with me, and so has my fictional world. As I grow to see the complexities of the world around me, and as I experience life, it reflects in my work for both the good and the bad.

I wouldn't have my writing process any other way. (Even if it creates an inner debate on how much chaos is too much chaos.)

Feel free to participate: @the-printed-words, @verba-writing, @marigoldispeculiar, and @queerlilchinchin & anyone else who may be interested!

[satire420]

Tapioca & Painkillers Taste Identical

1.

How resounding the nature’s become When their influence brought up at all…

It’s only the actual meekness of their self-love That’s confused as to God and country…

Hiding where the purchases Empty the cluttered void & top off the abyss To this day of bad decisions

The more that being lonely is preferred To a warm body However much of the life has been completed Brings death ever nearer

…And we haven’t the choices that were made for us… …And the hierarchy is scrambled like the pain Not enough for the blackness to be without light…

I like having space to recollect on the thoughts Which alienate others back towards their own ideas Of a working thesis from which to watch it Be annihilated in less than a second

And where you are not insulted Before trying to do something as weak as sleeping

The leverage needed to stand up Like you might slip and crack your head On the imagined cancer of the dirty kitchen floor A total embarrassment to the life you’d been given

Not reading unless there are crimes solved In an attempt to be rehabilitated entirely on your own

What level of judgment do you think That you’ve reached in their eyes? Forgiveness, I’m sure…

Like the dealer said to the broke addict You don’t deserve what I am thinking

Maybe, I’m always one of those people That didn’t want a loss of a friend To overwhelm anyone

Until it were properly announced over a phone-line Exactly how they’d needed to be remembered

2.

Here comes the academic institution By street-light in winter Of having no adjacent memories

To build into a marketable sense of realism… As somewhat your own…

From taking these popular pills for the late-teens To reject not only the history we’d been taught But the previous five minutes of a selfless interaction

With what might’ve become of us If not for the skeletal abstractions Of a musical fanaticism’s sounds

That yet stab at the air Like the bottom of a broom during sweeping

…That was desperation, sorry…

It’s not that a conversation was beneath them How the world prepared for the books I’ve written That dialogue which hadn’t ceased

For my love inside to be equal to the mania Being portrayed in not seeing myself As a real material object that’s anything but attacked

But those newer images, that of shotgun’s against The car-window driving away Are there because of the drastic variation On a typical life that one loses control of

The effect’s as though the plot-line had been stolen And brought back in a carriage set on fire In the parking lot of a place That sells antique memorabilia Their families had collected

But in the eyeball dropped in the fountain drink Like a bomb of the last agonizing second before It’d been removed from the electrical world Of the interactive media inside

From which I recall passing a military base In another America From whatever tonight has allowed itself To be altered by

Even before a landline’s identification function Had went obsolete In its hippest numerology being pressed down upon

As though a position popularized by use in group sex Would be anything but clever enough forever To avoid forgetting what to do When you missed a phone-call And they didn’t leave a message

3.

I could try to speak but I don’t care To know how I sound anymore The wait for a store to open & out of the cold Pretending to be shopping

Looking baggy-eyed and sloppily unstressed Like I truly don’t believe in the medicinal properties I am vexed, yes, like a bowl of oatmeal That I’ve made last half of the day

Catching bad waves from the bluff Not able to be honest Even when it is on the legality Of what’s in the smoke

Trust no one Because one isn’t ever enough

Has the mind been uninformed by the boredom? We’re all online until at least reborn…

They’d be raiding in the morning If I had sold something to a politician Around the time an important vote is coming

But now when anyone dies of an overdose It’s not the addict’s love to boast That is blamed for him swallowing An attempt at becoming rain

When the nice folks amending the recipe That only called for hope prior to the anesthetics

…Everyone wanting the cleanest soap… …Nothing to toxify their genetics…

Passing on the philosophizing While faking the facts and aggrandizing the faded Into a state of perpetually swinging bats

I want to stay numb and not debate The happiness of a snapping off the couch From the paranoia that arrived When you stopped coughing from the vape

In turning someone into an athlete As they run to the street to scream That everything is a beam of light

And if they don’t know anything of what’s happening They’ll demand to take action against the person Who laced their friends with laughter

Until it wasn’t fun and just laborious A consequence of buying from that part of the paper

A favor from someone who didn’t have the time To inspect the inherent talents Of their delivery crew’s dirt from the sailors

[blogofmastermind]

"Diabetes: Navigating the Sweet and Sour Moments"

Living with diabetes is like being in a constant relationship with sugar—sometimes sweet, sometimes sour, and occasionally, downright unpredictable. Whether you’re a newly diagnosed patient or a seasoned pro, managing diabetes can feel like a rollercoaster ride. But here’s the thing: you’re not alone, and with the right information and support, you can take control and ride out those ups and downs like a champ.

1. Understanding the Basics: What's Going On Inside Your Body

So, what exactly happens when you have diabetes? In simple terms, diabetes is a condition where your body has trouble regulating blood sugar (glucose). There are two main types: Type 1 and Type 2. Type 1 is an autoimmune condition where the body doesn’t produce insulin, while Type 2 is often related to insulin resistance, where your body isn’t able to use insulin effectively.

But don't worry, knowing is half the battle! Once you understand how it works, managing diabetes gets a lot less overwhelming.

2. The Battle of Blood Sugar: Keeping It in the Sweet Spot

One of the most important aspects of managing diabetes is keeping your blood sugar levels within a healthy range. That means avoiding the sugar highs that come from eating an entire box of donuts (hey, we’ve all been there) and the lows that can leave you feeling shaky and tired.

Pro Tip: Aim for balanced meals with fiber, protein, and healthy fats to keep your blood sugar steady. Carbs aren’t the enemy, but managing portion sizes can make a huge difference. Think of your blood sugar like a pet—treat it with kindness, and it’ll reward you with a peaceful coexistence.

3. Exercise: Your Secret Weapon

Exercise is a game-changer when it comes to managing diabetes. Whether it’s a walk in the park, a dance-off in your living room, or a full-blown gym session, moving your body helps your muscles use glucose for energy, which in turn lowers blood sugar.

But here's the kicker: You don’t have to go overboard. Start with something you enjoy, and gradually build it into your routine. You’ll be amazed at how a little movement can make a big difference in both your mood and your blood sugar levels.

4. The Myth of "Diabetes Food": Eating Healthy Doesn't Have to Be Boring

Here’s a common misconception: People with diabetes have to eat boring, tasteless food. Wrong! Diabetes-friendly food can actually be delicious. The key is focusing on whole, unprocessed foods that are rich in fiber, vitamins, and minerals.

You don’t have to completely ditch your favorite foods, either. It’s about making small, sustainable changes. Swap white bread for whole grain, enjoy fruits and veggies, and try healthier snacks. Plus, there’s always room for the occasional treat—just remember the golden rule of moderation.

5. The Role of Stress: Not Just a Mental Game

Stress can wreak havoc on your blood sugar levels. It’s not just about feeling overwhelmed or anxious—stress can actually trigger the release of hormones like cortisol, which can raise your blood sugar levels. So, it’s crucial to find ways to manage stress in your life.

Whether it’s practicing mindfulness, taking deep breaths, or indulging in your favorite hobby, making time for stress relief is a big part of managing diabetes. Stress management isn’t just a “nice-to-have” — it’s essential for your overall well-being.

6. The Power of Monitoring: Your Blood Sugar's Best Friend

When it comes to managing diabetes, knowledge is power. Regularly checking your blood sugar helps you understand how your body responds to food, exercise, and medication. This way, you can make informed decisions and adjust your lifestyle as needed.

While it might seem like a hassle at first, it becomes second nature after a while. Plus, it’s kind of cool to be able to track your progress and see how your efforts pay off!

7. Insulin: The Not-So-Secret Hero

For those with Type 1 diabetes, insulin is essential. But even for many people with Type 2 diabetes, insulin (or other medications) can play an important role in managing blood sugar. It’s like having a toolkit for your body: sometimes, you need a little extra help to make sure everything runs smoothly.

If you’re prescribed insulin, don’t be intimidated. There are plenty of resources and support groups that can help you learn how to administer it properly and manage your diabetes like a pro.

8. Support: You Don't Have to Do It Alone

One of the most important things I’ve learned in my journey with diabetes is that support is everything. Whether it’s friends, family, online communities, or healthcare providers, having a support system makes managing diabetes feel less isolating.

There are tons of groups, forums, and even social media communities where people share their experiences, tips, and encouragement. Surround yourself with people who get it, and don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it.

9. Embrace Your Journey: Diabetes Doesn’t Define You

Yes, diabetes is a part of your life, but it doesn’t define who you are. You are not just your blood sugar levels or your insulin regimen. You’re a person with hopes, dreams, and a whole lot of potential. Embrace the ups and downs, the challenges, and the triumphs. The journey might not always be smooth, but it’s yours—and you’re doing great.

Final Thoughts:

Living with diabetes can be a mix of sweet and sour moments, but with the right tools, knowledge, and support, you can manage it like a pro. From healthy eating to regular exercise, stress management, and monitoring your blood sugar, every step you take is a win. And remember, you’re never alone in this—there’s a whole community out there cheering you on!

So go ahead, embrace your diabetes journey, and remember: you’ve got this! Keep moving forward, stay positive, and take it one day at a time. Your health is worth every step.

[doomdays]

i'm putting this under a read more because 1) i've never known how to stick to one topic at a time and 2) this is just my mind buzzing everywhere so i'll spare the dash <3

taissa has carefully curated this picture - perfect life for herself.  perfect wife, perfect family, perfect career, perfect reputation, etc.  simone, while she does love her, does not give her the 'spark' she knows people typically find in their partners -- and she has settled for that, because it's easier, because it's what works, because the 'spark' has nearly gotten people killed in the past by things she didn't understand back then and she definitely doesn't understand now, even still.  it's easier with simone and she tells herself that's fine.  she doesn't think about that not being fair for simone because it's fair for her.  

she has repressed all her trauma -- not just from the wilderness, but even long before that when she was a child -- and she doesn't ever deal with anything.  she projects her issues onto other people, and often, she judges them for it, or she invalidates it.  it's not necessarily something she's actively aware of, even when she's called out on it.  

"[therapists] make their living off of problems that don't get solved]."

"for someone who went through some shit of their own, it never ceases to amaze me how shut off you are to help."

"psychogenic this, dissipated that-- besides all the jargon, did she actually have any fixes?""

"she says [sam's] behavior stems from overwhelming stress."  

"for fuck's sake."

most notably it happens with her own son;  everything that happens through her alter self is something she usually inevitably blames on him.  sam is dealing with overwhelming stress because taissa is the source of it,  because she is projecting her own onto him, because he is trying to protect her from "the bad one" whether he understands what that means or not.  

"did she actually have any fixes?" is so important because she is someone who needs control, she needs real, tangible evidence of help.  she has always dismissed her own trauma and pretended it wasn't there, pretended that she was okay, etc -- but she is terrified of herself, terrified of what's going on in her own mind, and she doesn't want to think about that with sammy, either.  she does with him what she does for herself:  claim everything is fine.  

she does the same with nat.  she judges nat for the lifestyle she has and the choices she's made to deal with their grief,  at least outwardly  --- but she doesn't mean it.  she's honest to shauna about how she helps nat because nat has no one else,  but she turns around and openly judges nat for her choices because it's just easier for taissa.  because she doesn't fully understand it,  and nat is right to call her on it:

 "and i know you think i'm crazy, but you know what i see?  you guys are just as fucked up as i am.  you're just better at lying to yourselves.  you're not healthy.  you're not stable.  you're living on the brink, just like me."

because that's literally it:  taissa is just better at lying to herself.  she's not healthy.  she's not stable.  she is living on the brink.  

so when i say she's an unreliable narrator,  i mean that nearly everything i write, especially in her adult verse, she's lying to herself, so she presents herself in a way that contradicts everything she's actually experiencing.  she judges nat for coping with her trauma with drugs, etc., because she's ignoring the way that she herself copes with it,  repressing it so much that she thinks her son is responsible for the horrors she's committed when she's in that state.  she looks at the other survivors and she thinks that she's the only one who accomplished anything because she's lying to herself, and she's only pretending that her life is perfect.

"well, i was going to go to howard. pre-law, with a double major in history and philosophy. and date a bunch of beautiful women, make first string on the soccer team, graduate first in my class. and then i was gonna go to columbia law and land an internship in one of the biggest firms in the city."

"you did do all those things."

"yeah. but if i'm being honest, not a single one of those things felt... real."

but she's honest with shauna.  she is always her truest self when she's with shauna.  she admits to shauna that she helps nat because she sees that she's alone,  she admits to shauna that she's sleepwalking and she feels like she's a danger to everyone around her,  she admits to shauna that she got everything she wanted out of life and still felt empty for it.  the things she admits to shauna are often things she's unwilling to admit even to herself.  she's an unreliable narrator to almost everyone, but that's rarely true when she's talking to shauna.  

that's true as a teenager, too.  she belittled van for believing in lottie and yet she actively participated in those things,  too.  she made fun of the necklace, and then she stole it from van to protect herself  (  unconsciously, and she doesn't remember doing it, but she knows it protected herself and only herself.  )   she doesn't tell van about the sleep walking, and she doesn't tell her what the necklace did for her.  van openly believing in lottie is scary to taissa because it feels like bullshit to tai -- and yet she is actively participating in that 'bullshit,' just unconsciously, and admitting that to van means she is giving up that control herself which means she's never willing to have that honest conversation ( and, imo, is likely why they don't make it. )

anyway i love listening to taissa turner talk because she makes me so mad and sad and excited all at the same time. she is always lying <3 to everyone else and to herself <3 most of the time she doesn't even realize she's lying <3

writing taissa threads is so funny because she’s just constantly lying to herself, and then I have to explain that she’s lying to herself because she is an unreliable narrator!! and it’s fun for me 🖤

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "How can you reach your dreams"

take a breath and choose the photo/number that calls you the most to read a message on what you may be called to do to reach your dreams.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. remember also that things and energies may change for you in the future and you're the author of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3

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pile 1

Your energy now feel drained and overwhelmed, please take a breath. It feels like you've been tilting at windmills for a long time without understanding what is going on and just wasting all your energy. I think there's something involving a past experience or a childhood situation you need to recall and find out more about. It could be anything, for some even a dream you had or a physical sign like an itchy finger (but it seems your intuition will let you know about what it is specificually -being a collective reading I cannot be more precise). It may be causing you some overthinking or negative self talking (more likely: you may be listening to outside voices or you have made them yours now, but they're not your own voice as they only try to bring you down) which are kinda blocking you atm. There's probably a related and repressed fear that needs to be healed and taken under control before you can actually be more concentrated on working on your dreams and achieve them. There's a huge need to take control over your emotions so that they won't sabotage you at the wrongest time: especially cause some of you may be offered something, like an occasion or anything, and you may turn it down out of fear even if it's your dream. So trust your guts and go inside. Be brave and fear not, devils aren't bad, they're just scared (more than we are). If your dream is mostly career or school related, you're gonna be able to work on it (especially if it's a creative career) and be very successful. But it's the same if you dream about a relationship or anything else really. You have something particular about you, something that nobody else has, so remind yourself that this is what you need to work on and this is your biggest value so trust when others see it don't play down yourself. There can also be something you used to not be scared about (or actually even love) in your past but you kinda grew insecure about (cause society or family didn't approved that: e.g. any creative endeavour). Just don't worry if you don't know what it is yet: it will get to you the moment you try to calm your mind and focus on something you enjoy doing (or enjoyed when you were a kid or even just a year ago, but you couldn't follow/work on it properly). A change in your fate is coming in strong, you have nothing to worry about. Just take control of your fears and self sabotaging habits (especially the hidden unconscious ones that pop up out of our control: like when you turn down an invitation you may even would like to join in fear of someone else not liking you, disappointing another person or pretending you are too tired -I said pretending: remember to always connect with your inner self before making a decision and pondering about what you really want to do. We always rush to conclusions and answers but many times those are dictated by habits or what we think we may want, not what we really want. Take your time, there's no need to rush for an answer, the other person can wait a few minutes, you can tell them you need a couple of minute more to decide) and go where you want to go. Success is yours, don't fear you won't ever achieve it cause it's already in you. "It's time to grow into your beautiful self, it's time to shine your light".

songs: butterfly | bts; the arc | godevil godevil

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pile 2

Pile 2, you're curious and really want to know what's going on. Maybe you haven't a very clear dream either, only an idea, you mostly want to explore. The energy is the one of a kid laughing and running in a field. My heart is full. You're dreamy too, like a child. But also kinda passionate too... Okay, there's something specific that may attract you, but you probably haven't decided yet if that's your dream. I think you can basically manifest anything you want or are passionate about, and be successful at it. You only need to detach from the result. By this I mean something like: make your wish, try to manifest it the way you rather or you know it can work for you, and then let it go. The Universe will bring it to you. A little bit like pile 1 but on a different level, you're the only thing that can come between you and your dreams: your fear of not getting what you want because you cannot see immediate results or signs about it in the 3d. It's a matter of timing, and trust. What it is for you will come to you, what you dream about will arrive in your life: probably not when (or how) you decide. Come to terms with this, learn to trust the Universe and its magic, and keep on dreaming as when you were a kid and waited for Santa to bring you gifts. It works the same. Did you keep asking everyday for your wish or did you only write it on the letter and then patiently waited for Santa? (or if you never celebrated Christmas, think about any other similar occasion like your birthday or any other celebration) I know this time you don't have a specific timing to wait for, but maybe growing up means that we need to pass to a tougher level and in this case it can be about not having a specific timing. Give it a try. Trust. And believe. Most of you may be dreaming of a relationship (of any type), but I'm specifically getting a lot of romantic and sweet vibes tbh. A dream-relationship. Maybe you're trying to be secretive about it in fear that speaking about it it may be slipping away from you; or you may be feeling like you need to visualize it or write about it very specifically and your person needs to tick all the boxes: I need to remind you that sometimes relationships may not be perfect once we're in or look perfect at a first sight (or even our partner may be different from what we imagined), but we can make them perfect as long as both the parties involved are open, vulnerable and willing to communicate and be working on bettering themselves and finding a middle ground: so try to focus on you and how to be welcoming of the energy you feel right. Don't be too picky: I mean, are you really checking all the possible boxes you're asking for the other person? If yes, well good for you, but if not, maybe you can start working to get there for you first before asking someone else to be that perfect. Ofc, don't even enter a relationship with someone you don't like at all or that feels toxic, trust your intuition on this... just be open to the fact that it may be a different type of movie or book from the romantic ones you like to watch, but still a very worthy one. Don't say no just cause this person doesn't like nuggets as you do -js ofc).

songs: sleep | i will i swear; in my arms | kylie minogue

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pile 3

Pile three I think you mostly need a confirmation, cause you already kinda know what you need to do. Okay, you may still get doubts here and there and start overthinking, but you already have a clear call for you about your dreams. You need to be more stable to give birth to your many desires. It's mostly about... yeah you sometimes encounter obstacles on your path, and start doubting that that's your true path. But sometimes we have to encounter obstacles on our path just to be tested about how confident we are in ourselves and how sure we are about what we want. How much we want the things we want. It doesn't have to be a bad sign: that's mostly our fears taking over, cause negative signs are generally way more clear than simple obstacles. So learn to do as tree's branches: you see an obstacles, you grow around it or find another similar path to get to the same desire. Keep aiming, growing, learning, fighting, contorting, expanding and reaching. So next time before you freak out, stop and think about what this obstacles means on your path, what do you need to adjust or change in order to get where you want? Remember to be in control of your mind, to be sure that now it is time for you to get: you may have been giving a lot in the past and aren't sure if you're going to receive, but you are. Ofc you are. You are going to receive what you want. Try to stay calm about it. Stay in control, stay balanced, take care of your chakras and recenter, especially if you're into one of your spiralling moments. Be in control of your mind, heal this insecurity and self doubt that still kinda sabotage you and you'll have your wishes. Similarly to pile 1 the message is: "you already have them", but the energy is different. You're only kinda scared, like a kid falling on the concrete, fearing they did something wrong while they were simply running and having fun so you need to be comforted and encouraged to go on (and here I am: get up and go on!!). Pile 1 is heavier, more out of control and overwhelmed. Anyway, you're almost there. I know this may be what you have been reading or listening or seeing in signs around you for a while now and still you never seem to get there, get to the point you're actually having your dreams and it is tough. But keep going. You're REALLY almost there now. So keep focusing on what it is that you're doing and don't worry about obstacles. Jump over them, or fly, or get around them with a nice dancing movement, you decide, but keep going. If your guts are saying this is not a bad sign, then trust your guts. Trust your intuition, your inner guidance. Trust yourself. And your Guides and Angels too. If you're not getting a clear "no", then try until you can. Ofc if by any chance your dream involves being with a person that clearly isn't interested in you or you're getting specific "negative" signs about, things may be different: try to communicate about the issue if you want/can, but be respectful of them and their decision; never exaggerate, no matter if you're hurt (it may be a sign for you that another person that will love you as you deserve to be is waiting for you). If it's about someone you're in no contact or anything, wait to have a clearer sign about the connection or for actual communication (which is always the best): don't let fears and obstacles take over and bring you down. Stay hopeful and respectful (both of you and the other person). Again trust your guts and enjoy the ride.

songs: chasing cars | snow patrol; the silence | manchester orchestra

[nayatarot777]

*photos not mine

🌞 daily messages 🌞 16 oct 2022 ~ pac

✨ pile 1 ✨

I’m seeing a lot of success with something. Something that you may have had to fight and wrestle to achieve. There’s so much happiness here, due to a feeling of support from others as well as motivation, passion, and self-discipline/control regarding whatever this is.

There’s a major change happening here. I’m feeling like for some of you, it’s got something to do with your ego and who you are. Major personality changes that are more accustomed to who you truly are.

You could notice a lot more confidence coming from within, or a feeling of being supported physically but mainly spiritually. A sense of knowing that the universe has your back.

Someone could give you a message about a victory of yours. Something to do with you having silent strength too, and succeeding with taming certain aspects of your ego to better yourself. You’re standing out.

There’s a lot of energy that’s just surrounding the individual control that you have over your life. You could definitely be travelling, moving into your own space and domain. Whether that be about a home, a business, a project, or any other situation that you call the shots in. Leader energy.

A lot of fire energy coming from this pile. Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. Leo is more prominent.

✨ pile 2 ✨

You guys might have been in a situation where you either had multiple options to choose from, or there were multiple ways that a situation could go. None of these options fulfilled you though. If anything, they overwhelmed you and left you confused on how to even move forward with any of them, resulting in a period where you felt stuck - especially emotionally or with your dreams specifically.

You need to listen to your intuition and walk away from this. This could simply be emotional rumination and worry about the outcome of a situation. I feel like you’ve been trying to ignore the message from your intuition about surrendering and accepting. Knowing that you will get the complete emotional fulfilment and wish fulfilment that you’re aligning with by simply believing that Spirit has got you.

Maybe your rational side of your mind is telling you not to be so gullible and naive, due to resistance against believing that you’re literally going to be gifted the life that you’re dreaming of, but you can’t shake that intuitive feeling. Because it’s your truth that you’re feeling.

Give up control over this situation. I’m hearing that you should put yourself into an ego state of KNOWING that you get whatever you want because you’re highly blessed and favoured. This is your true alignment. You’re waking up to the consciousness of remembering what it feels like to be a child of the Divine. You don’t even have to settle or work for anything more than you really need to. The Universe loves to gift you with blessings. A major blessing this time around. As long as you trust and believe.

✨ pile 3 ✨

You’re running into a much happier and joyful time with others. You’ve aligned yourself so much that you’re attracting people to you who are on your vibration - especially emotionally. Very strong friendships in particular. I still see some hating ass people from the past though, jealous of any glow ups and successes that you’ve experienced. Especially in a work space or something that you’re just better than others at, skill wise. Protect yourselves from evil eye, pile 3.

You’re making jealous, low vibrational people mad with the life that you’re creating for yourself. And at the same time, attracting so many people who you fully connect with and enjoy spending time with.

You could be celebrating something, or just going out and having fun. Completely uncaring of those who wish to judge you for being happy with others and within yourself.

You’re the type of person who, because you’re now so aligned to yourself and who you actually are, it’s like you naturally repel negative energy. You may be realising that the people who aren’t good for you are always blocked from really getting close to you. Either your connections with these people have been cut, or there was never a chance for one from the beginning because Spirit hit them with that block. ✋🏾🚫

These people are copycats and are mad because they can’t replicate what you’ve been creating. Continue doing your thing, pile 1. Continue protecting your energy and showing tf out with whatever you’re working on. Could be yourself and your glow up.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Check out my YouTube channel! - Naya Tarot

Details for private readings are in the descriptions of my videos 🤍

[wishesunderthestars]

Eunoia // Ch. 14

eunoia (noun): beautiful thinking, the possession of a well-balanced mind, which exhibits goodwill and kindness

Pairings: Hybrid! BTS x reader

Summary: You are a world famous director and you have dedicated your life to your job.You have everything you could ever dream of; wealth, recognition, talent, your friends and family. But loneliness ins’t cured by success. So what happens when you somehow rescue seven hybrids? Can they fill the void?

Genre: Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, eventual smut

Word Count: 15k+

Warnings: Abuse and violence, past sexual abuse, derogetory language, sexual harassment

Masterlist

Chapter 1, Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13

It has been a long time, I know. Thanks for being patient with me. This was supposed to be the last chapter of Yoongi and Hoseok’s part but I just couldn’t fit everything that needed to happen inside or it would turn into a 30k chapter and be even more late, so I divided it into two.

The taglist is now closed.

Four days felt like a much smaller amount of time than when you had first been informed of your break.  When you heard the alarm the morning you had to go back to work, you were tempted to ignore it and cover your head with the sheets. This was strange for two reasons. You always woke up before your alarm and it was impossible for you to fall asleep again after waking up, even when you were exhausted. But your eyes were heavy and sleep was clinging to your bones.

You reached for your phone and turned off the alarm. The hybrids were waiting for you in the kitchen, breakfast already served. You thanked Seokjin, who looked the most awake. Jimin and Jungkook were leaning against each other with their eyes half closed, small yawns escaping them every few minutes. It was a little earlier than the time you usually left but you had to do some work in the company building before you could go to the studios. Hoseok's injuries were much better, you didn't need to check on them twice a day anymore so you avoided going to their room and waking them up.

The fox hybrid had been opening up more and he looked more at ease with his surroundings. After eating dinner with you on the first night of your break, he had timidly asked if they could join you again. His whole face lit up when you told him they would always be welcome. Dinners had turned into lunches too, claiming that way you didn't have to carry the trays to their room every day.

You weren't surprised at how well he got along with Jimin. His heart-shaped smile had even charmed Namjoon. He was fascinated with every little thing and you made use of your break to show him around the house. It could be a little overwhelming, so you stuck to the basics at first. The kitchen, the upstairs living room, the library (where at least one of you could be found most times) and the cinema room. He looked at everything in wonder, his red tail wagging behind him. Yoongi trailed after you, the bored expression on his face slipping at how happy and excited Hoseok was.

The second day of your break Jimin announced that you would all be watching a movie. He would accept no complaints, not that there were any. You made enough popcorn for a whole movie theater while Seokjin and Jungkook made pizza. You strictly forbade them from putting on one of your movies. You were so deeply involved and connected with them you had trouble watching them without overthinking every scene, line and camera angle. Jimin pouted, joined by Jungkook and a more subtle Hoseok. But you didn’t budge. Jimin huffed and selected a comedy with an actor Seokjin liked.

It was the third day of your break and Jimin had dragged you with him to the guest suite, saying he needed his daily cuddles. You were laying together in his bed as you played with his blond strands. His hair was growing longer and he was complaining that it was falling in his eyes but you loved running your hands through it, your fingers getting lost inside. Jimin snuggled into your side, his tail wrapped around your waist.

“You are very affectionate today,” you said. Jimin let out an unsatisfied noise when you stopped massaging his scalp, so you moved your hand upwards, scratching behind his cat ears, eliciting a small moan from him.

“I am always affectionate,” he said, nuzzling against your collarbones. “You’re just not here and you’re tired when you come back.”

You placed a kiss on the crown of his head. “Sorry.” It was your job. You shouldn’t feel guilty. And yet…

Jimin raised his head, your hand falling from his hair to rest on his cheek. “Don’t be. I just wish you were here more. With us. But your job is important.”

“I guess,” you said caressing his cheek, the cat hybrid leaning into your touch. “I’ll try to get some more time off when I go back to work.” It would be difficult but not impossible. There were often breaks for a couple of days in the filming schedule but you usually spent those revising scripts or reviewing the work of the various departments or attending meetings. Many of those things weren’t actually your responsibilities, they weren’t in your contract, you did them because you wanted everything to be perfect. You could take a step back for once and make up for it later.

Jimin leaned against you, purring happily at the prospect of spending more time with you. He had been clinging to you in the past days after your week-long absence. The first night after making up with Jungkook he had slept with him in their room and you’d thought he would sleep there from now on. But the next night you had come out of the shower to find him laying in your bed.

A talk show was playing on the TV, filling the comfortable silence of the room. Jimin whispering your name had you looking away from the screen. “Hoseok is doing better, right?”

“He is. He’s recovering fast. Why are you asking?” you asked, worried that he had noticed something you hadn’t. Hybrids had much more developed senses than humans that could have detected something you had missed.

“He’s nice,” he said, playing with the fake buttons of your shirt. “He looks so happy all the time and he’s so energetic.”

“He is. See? He’s really getting better.” That didn’t seem to satisfy Jimin.

“What if they want to leave now that he’s better?”

You cooed at him, pulling him closer. “Is that what’s brought this on? If they want to leave we can’t stop them. The door is always open if they don’t want to be here anymore. They only came here because Hoseok was injured and he couldn’t go to the hospital.”

“But can they stay?” His eyes were shining as he looked up at you. “Please.”

“They can stay for as long as they want. But I can’t force them to stay.”

Jimin didn’t say anything more, hiding into your side. Last night at dinner, Jimin had been quiet and withdrawn, glancing at Yoongi every few minutes. There was history between them, one that ran deep and cut just as hard. From little clues and pieces and what Jimin himself had told you, you had pieced together an image of Jimin’s past but you had trouble finding where exactly Yoongi fit.

You hadn’t forgotten Jimin’s words in your office the day you had invited the two hybrids in your house. Yoongi once belonged to the same man Jimin did. They had done something to him and Jimin had been left to the adoption center he had escaped from. Yoongi had been left somewhere else, you guessed a less savory place. But you couldn’t figure out what they could have done to be kicked out. Something Jimin still felt guilty about. Betrayal was a strong and sticky word and it was hard to associate it with sweet Jimin, even when that man deserved that and more.

Yoongi was a mystery surrounded by several brick walls. Only a wrecking ball could break them down. You were the kind of person to knock on a wall and wait for it to crumble by itself when it came to people. At work, if the only way to get through an obstacle was a wrecking ball, you would bring a wrecking ball.

Surprises weren’t uncommon for you (see: Virginia earthquake), you had learnt to face them head on and control the consequences. But that hadn’t prepared you for the string of surprises during your break and the days after that.

The first surprise came with how well Hoseok was getting along with the other hybrids. His endearing excitement about anything and everything didn’t fail to amuse them. He would curl up on the grass, bathing in sunlight, often joined by Jimin who had developed the same habit when spring first arrived. He was curious about everything, asking question after question with his red fluffy tail wagging behind him like an overexcited puppy. All of you couldn’t help but humor him and try to answer his questions to the best of your abilities.

The second surprise shocked you more than the first. It was the third night the two hybrids were eating dinner with you in the backyard. Yoongi usually didn’t talk, opting to focus on his food while observing the progression of the meal. Thus when he spoke, everyone fell silent. He didn’t say much, it only took him a couple of seconds to compliment Jin’s cooking then become quiet again. Jin stuttered through his thanks, flustered at the unexpected compliment. The panther hybrid didn’t talk again for the rest of the meal.

The third surprise was seeing Yoongi and Jimin sitting next to each other, sometimes in silence and sometimes talking. Being pulled to each other like a moth to the flame. It made Hoseok all too happy to spend time with both of them.

The fourth surprise came in the form of a text from a contact you hadn’t interacted with since Christmas. You laid back on your bed, staring at the paragraphs-long text and forgetting about anything else. You stared and stared as if the letters would rearrange themselves, or better yet disappear if you stared long enough.

You didn’t notice how much time you had spent there unmoving until there was a knock on the door.

“Open,” you called.

The door was pushed open and Namjoon walked into the room, his gray hair falling in his face. In the mornings he looked younger. “Breakfast is ready.”

“Yeah,” you said, not moving. They never had to call you for breakfast. Your schedules had become so in sync you arrived for breakfast the moment it was ready or a few minutes early.

“What happened?” Namjoon asked. He approached, sitting down next to you on the bed.

“Nothing happened, I guess. It’s an invitation.” The text had been sent late last night but you had missed it, leaving your phone to charge upon coming back home and not looking at it again. “It’s from my parents. For a gala.”

“Your parents?” The surprise was evident in his face. You didn’t talk much about your parents, those were conversations you didn’t tend to enjoy. Your parents were a topic you weren’t well-versed in and your lack of confidence was irritating.

You looked at the text again, black letters surrounded by gray. “They invited me to a fashion gala. They would really appreciate it if I could attend.” Reading the text again, you wondered if your mother had asked someone else to write it before deeming it persuasive enough to send. “It’s held in Beverly Hills.”

“When?” Namjoon asked.

“Saturday. In less than a week.” It was Tuesday.

Namjoon glanced at your phone. “Do you want to go?”

The answer was more complicated than you would have liked. You didn’t feel like buying a new gown (god forbid if you wore a dress you had worn before at such an event), having your makeup and hair done and plastering a smile on your face while exchanging pleasantries with people you didn’t know for the whole night. But it wasn’t that easy. You hadn’t attended the Christmas event your mother had organized, using work as an excuse, not feeling like showing up at an event in the mindset you had fallen into. Although she didn’t show it, your mother had been offended.

You couldn’t skip another event.

You threw an arm over your eyes, groaning. “I can’t not go. My mother organized the gala, it will look bad if I’m not there.”

“I could come with you,” Namjoon offered.

It would be nice having someone there with you. Namjoon had a way of calming you down and settling your worries but actually remembering those galas made you change your mind. The rich and mighty loved showing off their wealth and power and hybrids were part of that allure. You wouldn’t subject Namjoon to that. You weren’t sure how he would react. You didn’t want to subject him to your parents’ scrutiny either.

“It would be better if I went alone,” you said. Namjoon threaded his fingers with yours in understanding. He pulled on your hand until you were sitting up on the bed, facing him.

“If you don’t want to go, you shouldn’t.”

Only that it wasn’t so simple. Or it was just your human nature making this overcomplicated.

“My mother will be really disappointed if I don’t go. I didn’t go to her last event, either. It will look bad if I don’t go to this one too.” Namjoon squeezed your hand, urging you to continue. “I’m just tired of them. Galas, events, they are all the same and not in a good way. Sure, there are some people worth talking too. I’ve had some great conversations there, but those are far and few in between. Most people are just trying to outshine the one next to them. And my mother only wants me there to complete the picture.”

The powerful and influential couple with their successful daughter. It was an image that haunted you. Most times you tried to ignore it because it wasn’t fair of you to judge your parents like that. They never made you attend those events, they didn’t get angry when you couldn’t make it. But it left a sour taste in your mouth when those events were the only times you saw them anymore.

“You don’t have to be alone there.” Namjoon brought your hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss in the middle of your palm. “I’m always here if you change your mind. It would feel better if you weren’t alone.”

“It isn’t that I don’t want you there. I do,” you said. “But that isn’t a world you want to be a part of, it isn’t really my world either. There, hybrids are just expensive accessories and I don’t want people to look at you like that. Like you are something to be had.”

Namjoon’s eyes were soft on you as he cupped your cheek with the hand that wasn’t holding yours. “That’s how most people look at us. It isn’t something new. You don’t have to worry about me, I’m used to it.”

“But it isn’t right.” You sounded like a five-year-old complaining that the world wasn’t fair because her parents didn’t buy her ice cream but you couldn’t help it. “And it isn’t just the other people, the guests. I’m not sure about my parents either. They don’t know I’ve adopted you. Actually, they don’t know about anything that has happened in my life this year.”

“I understand if you don’t want them to know about us.”

“It isn’t that,” you said. “Not exactly. I don’t want them involved in my business and judging my choices. They- They are my parents and I guess they care about me in their own way but I won’t be able to stay calm if they look at you like they are estimating your price tag.”

Namjoon leaned closer, bringing your foreheads together. You closed your eyes, surrounded by his warmth. “All I care about is for you to feel comfortable and if my presence there will make things worse then I won’t come with you. But if you change your mind, I’ll be right here. Whatever you want, I’m here.”

You tilted your head, waiting for his lips to touch yours. You shared a sweet kiss before there was another knock at the door.

“Namjoon! Did you wake her up?” Seokjin shouted from the other side of the door. “The breakfast is getting cold! I woke up at the crack of dawn to make it!”

You giggled as you separated.

“Let’s go before he decides we don’t deserve food,” Namjoon said.

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 You had to readjust your schedule for the gala. There were many things you had to do in the five days leading up to it. Your mother was so pleased you accepted the invitation she called you the very next day to tell you how happy she was you would be attending. She hadn’t organized a fashion gala in years and it meant a lot that you would be there to support her. The gala was all about the importance of fashion and the unique interpretations of old and new big names in the industry. It would be one of the grandest events of the year, even if your mother was as clueless about fashion as she was about your life. She enjoyed watching the glorious parts and giving compliments, but rarely got more involved than that.

She had arranged for you to meet with one of the designers featured at the event. You could choose a dress from his collection that would be showcased at the gala. Your mother reassured you that they would do everything so your dress would be fitted to your exact measurements and ready for you to wear on time. You didn’t complain. It would be otherwise impossible to find a dress of the caliber your mother expected in such a short time.

The designer came to your house himself with his assistants. He was a nice young man with a tilted accent revealing that he wasn’t originally from the United States. You made small talk about the different kinds of art characterizing your jobs. They took your measurements and presented you with a few options the designer had selected for you. Some were more eccentric than others but all of them were beautiful.

After discussing with him and listening to his opinions, you selected a piece with gold and red embroidery and a flowy skirt. He was very pleased with your choice, going on and on about how good it would look on you. You felt fluttered at how excited he was for you to wear his design.

You had to meet him again a few days later for the first fitting. He offered to come to your house again but it would be easier for the alterations to be at his studio, where all of his tools were.

Jimin had seen the opportunity to spend more time with you and put on his most convincing puppy eyes asking you to take him with you to the fashion studio. You had no reason to refuse, you wanted to spend more time with him too. Somehow Jimin roped Seokjin into coming with you as well. They waited for you outside until the alterations were done. You couldn’t resist spoiling them while you were out so you took them for waffles. From Seokjin’s stuffed face it was safe to say he enjoyed them.

You had to go back to work after the fitting but Jimin was clinging to you not letting you go, which was how you ended up with the two of them at the final table-reading for the first episode of the Raven Cycle. They both quietly watched the actors delivering their lines. Jimin leaned forward in his seat as he got more and more invested in the scenes, snapping out of it whenever one scene ended and you discussed corrections and suggestions.

The atmosphere was light and friendly. You were professionals and you believed in maintaining a healthy environment of communication and mutual respect that left space for jokes and friendships to develop. The chemistry between the actors was important and you found that when they were friends and had a bond in real life too, it showed.

“Okay, that was great. I liked Ronan’s extra lines, we should keep that in.” The writer next to you wrote it down. “It’s getting late so let’s take a small break for a few minutes and move on to scene fifteen and sixteen and we’re completely done with episode one.” Everyone agreed with you and soon chatter was filling the room. You stretched your arms behind you, your body was complaining after sitting for too many hours.

The snacks and refreshments on the table against the wall were dwindling as the table-reading went on. All the important people in the project were there; the executive producers, the writers, the heads of the various departments and of course all the main actors of the first episode. The room with the large table and the many couches and chairs was large enough for everyone.

Three more days of table reading, which was mainly for revisions, and you would be done, leaving around a week before filming was scheduled to start. Just on time. Despite unfortunate surprises and earthquakes, you were on time. Next week you would be back in the studios standing behind the cameras watching years of work and planning coming to life. The first moments of filming in every movie or TV show whispered to you in silver and gold lines that you couldn’t describe as anything else than magic.

You picked up a bottle of water and a sandwich from the snack table, getting caught up in a short conversation with one of the producers. Your scalp was beginning to hurt from the tight ponytail your hair was trapped in. With a pat on your shoulder, the producer left to find the head of the costume department.

Jimin and Jin were sitting on the smallest couch, away from the table in the middle of the room. Jimin’s ears twitched as you settled on the armrest. You handed him the sandwich.

“For me?”

“You have been looking at it as much as you have been looking at the actors.”

Jimin still didn’t take a bite. “I already ate two.”

“And now you will eat one more.” You nudged the sandwich closer to his face. “They are quite small. I think Will has eaten seven since we started.” You glanced at your assistant, he was talking with two of the actors.

Jimin smiled at you like you were sharing a secret before diving into his sandwich. You opened your water bottle and gulped down half of it in seconds.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go? It’s past eight and it will take at least one more hour to finish the last two scenes and wrap everything up.” You had asked them if they wanted to leave three times since you’d arrived and the answer had been the same each time.

“It’s eight?” Jin asked, pulling out his phone from his pocket. You leaned over Jimin to peek at the screen seeing a few texts from Namjoon and Jungkook and notifications from the various apps Jin used. You had texted Namjoon earlier so he wouldn’t worry that Jin and Jimin hadn’t returned home.

“And it will be at least nine by the time I’m done,” you said.

“We’ve been here for three hours. We can wait for you one more.” Jin opened the messages app reading the texts, a smile appearing on his face.

Jimin had eaten more than half of the sandwich, crumbs sticking at the sides of his mouth. “I want to see what happens at the end. Pretty please?”

“We will wait for you,” Jin said. “We don’t have anything better to do,” he added, to which Jimin agreed enthusiastically. You scratched the cat hybrid's ears while he devoured the rest of the sandwich.

What you hadn’t considered before taking them with you was that the table reading would give away many spoilers for the show. Spoilers were the bane of your existence. Not everyone minded them but you disliked them with passion. You had almost strangled Zayn when he had told you a spoiler he had seen on Twitter for the ending of Avengers: Infinity War,  minutes before the movie started. Zayn had been very lucky the lights hadn’t gone out yet. The suspense was one of your favorite parts and that was ruined for you when you knew what would happen.

At least it was the first episode but there was a lot of discussion on how certain parts or pieces of dialogue would connect with later episodes. The fact that it was an adaptation also changed things. You had been adamant about staying true to the original story and keeping in as many scenes from the book as you could. Your additions revolved around character development, the relationships between the characters, and some conflicts that hadn’t been in the book but you had discussed in length with Maggie. In this case, you didn’t know exactly how to define spoilers.

As expected, you finished the table reading twenty minutes past nine. Gathering all your folders from the table, the scripts, and various notes from the writers and producers, you hid them all away in your backpack. Henrietta and the magical forest were coming to life from their voices alone. You could already imagine how captivating it would be on screen.

Jimin was laying his head on Jin’s shoulder with his arm wrapped around the older’s waist. It had taken some time for them to relax in the room full of strangers, some of who hadn’t been subtle about staring. One look from you and their gazes had darted away. It still wasn’t common to have a hybrid, much less three, but you didn’t care how curious they were if they were making Jimin and Jin uncomfortable.

During the first break, early at the table reading, you had been roped into a debate about a possible change in one of the scenes. The two hybrids had kept to themselves, staying quiet and watching. The actress playing Blue had walked up to them with a wide smile and introduced herself. The remaining tension in them was released when she struck up a conversation with them.

“Time to get going,” you said. Jimin looked up at you, blinking drowsily. “Should I tell John to carry you to the car?”

“We’re leaving?” he asked, rubbing at his eyes.

“Thankfully yes so you need to get up.” You had wrapped everything up, saying goodbye to everyone and you were ready to go.

Jin kissed Jimin’s blond curls. “Let’s go and get you into an actual bed.” He got up and pulled Jimin with him, the younger hybrid was clinging to his back like a koala from the hallway where you met up with John to the parking lot.

In the car, you looked at them through the rear-view mirror. Jimin’s eyes were closed, laying his head on Jin’s shoulder.

“Hard day?” John asked, moving the gear shift to the left and then up.

“I’m a little afraid that my scenario might be a little boring,” you said glancing behind you. “It’s too early for him to be falling asleep.”

The car started moving, leaving the dimly lit parking lot behind. “He’s not used to being out for that long,” Jin said smoothing down Jimin’s hair with care. Jin cared for you with everything he had, you tried to do the same but it was close to impossible with how busy you were.

“If it’s my scenario though, I need to rewrite that thing from beginning to end.”

John chuckled. “Good luck telling that to the writers and the producers. They’ll love it.”

They’d love it as much as cats loved swimming.

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 You took the day of the gala off. If you went to the gala tired after work, you wouldn’t be able to put a smile on your face and keep it there. It wasn’t so much that the galas were awful but that you felt out of place in them. Your mother had many connections and she would invite the “best” of her world. Some faces had become familiar, a steady fixture in your mother’s guest lists. Some faces you should be able to recognize but you didn’t, resulting in interactions based on pretending.

At the after-parties of award shows and premieres, you were more at ease. The designer dresses and suits were the same, worn by rich and influential people, but it was people you knew and respected. Your skin wasn’t prickling at the tension, lost somewhere between remembering a name or a company and ignoring the jabs at other guests or the rumors spreading like vines.

The last event you had attended was in New York last September, it had been the event of the year according to your mother. Jacob had accompanied you, hugging your mother and shaking hands with your father. He had stayed next to you from the moment you stepped into the place to the moment you got into the car to leave. You had to somewhat agree with your mother. A lot of interesting people were in attendance, famous writers and journalists, and you succeeded in ignoring the less favorable situations.

Your parents had changed a lot, or maybe it was just the circumstances that had changed and the different perspective you had as an adult. You used to cast them as the absentee parents, an overused trope you didn't find much merit in. It was too simple, too straightforward. They didn't disappear from one day to the next, cutting all contact with you. It was more like the times they were there grew fewer and fewer until they had moved permanently to New York by the time you were eight. Your father had been offered a position he couldn't refuse and your mother loved him too much to leave him alone there. She tried, she tried to stay for you but she had been trying to find a reason to leave your hometown since she was a teenager. The penthouses and neat offices fit her far better than the beaches and town squares ever did.

It started as a few weeks at first. Your father would be staying in the city for some meetings and your mother wanted to join him. His job involved a lot of traveling and in most of your memories, he was holding a suitcase. A few weeks turned into a month the next time, then into a few months you had to stay with your aunt and your cousins. After you turned eight, they were coming back only for a few weeks every year.

When you were ten you stopped answering their calls and refused to talk to them. Your mother still tried, even traveled back to be with you. Instead of staying at your house with her, you stayed with your aunt. Your mother left defeated. It took a year for you to speak to them again. Childish, but you couldn't blame your past self. The cracks in your relationship with your parents were still there. As an attempt to prevent them from widening and growing, you at least tried to attend the events your mother invited you to.

Another one to add to the list.

"Does the duck look ready to you?" you asked Jin. Roasted duck wasn't a dish you had experience with but that wasn't the only reason you called for Jin. Being home for the day you had offered to help Jin cook lunch. Cooking helped take your mind off, focusing on the recipe and chatting with Jin.

Jin left the lettuce he was washing in the bowl and dried his hands in a towel. His steps were careful and measured, one of his hands holding on the counter.

"It looks good," he said. "You can take it out."

You opened the oven, pulling back last minute so the heat wouldn't burn your face. "It smells incredible! I think I got ten times hungrier just smelling this."

Jin chuckled but it was strained. "I'm too good at this." He was still holding onto the counter.

"You won't catch me complaining."

He went back to the lettuce in the sink, his bangs falling into his face and covering his eyes. You wrapped the chicken breasts in foil and let them rest for a few minutes. The figs were caramelized and the potatoes fried until golden. That was about it for the main dish.

Jin was cutting the lettuce so you occupied yourself with making the salad dressing. You worked in silence. It wasn't for the lack of anything to say but a flinch from Jin earlier, while you had been talking, had you lowering your voice and then closing your mouth when you were finished with that sentence. It was only for a moment before he turned away, but it was enough for you to notice. You had asked him if he was alright twice and both times the answer had been the same. After that, it was clear he wouldn't tell you anything else regardless of how many times you asked.

A thud echoed in the room followed, not a second after, by the sound of metal clattering on wood. The spoon you used to mix the ingredients of the salad dressing stilled in your hand. Jin had fallen to his knees on the floor, holding the counted with one hand and his head with the other. The knife laid abandoned on the cutting board next to the lettuce.

For a moment your surroundings blurred from the surprise before coming into crystal clear focus. You rushed to Jin's side, who was trying to pull himself back up to his feet.

"I'm alright. I slipped," he said.

"You slipped? Seriously?" You had one arm around his waist and it stayed there as he leaned back against the counter. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just a little dizzy," Jin muttered. That close to him, only a breath away, you could see how pale he was, the dark circles under his eyes standing out against the white of his skin.

"You haven't been alright since we started cooking. You aren't just a little dizzy, that's not how someone is when they're a little dizzy."

Jin turned his head to the side, avoiding your gaze. "Let it go, please. Only the salad is left. I'll rest after we eat."

"Jin, that's not..." Clueless about how to continue, you pressed your palm to his forehead. In winter your hands were always freezing cold, it didn't matter if the temperature wasn't that low they would turn into popsicles mere seconds after going outside. Only that it wasn’t winter but spring and your hands were as warm as they could be, that’s why it was that much more concerning that his forehead was warmer than it should be under your touch. “You’re burning up. How are you still standing?”

“It isn’t that bad,” Jin said. He wasn’t looking at you.

“It isn’t that bad?” you repeated in disbelief. “Forget about the salad, I’m taking you to your room.”

You were about to turn around when Jin gripped your elbow weakly. “You don’t need to, really, I can finish up here, it isn’t the first time. I can do it.” The sweat that was gathering on his forehead and his tired eyes told a different story.

“You have been cooking while feeling sick?” you asked. Being out of the house almost all day it wouldn’t have been hard to miss and when you came back at night you weren’t that aware of your surroundings, but the other hybrids would have been able to see past Jin’s pretenses.

“Not here,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

That’s something you should have expected. You had never met his previous owners but you couldn’t stop yourself from hating them for what they had done to him. Hate was too strong of a word but you didn’t have any other name for the burning in your chest whenever you witnessed how insecure and self-conscious Jin had become of them.

You cupped his cheek in your palm turning his head to face you and you rested your forehead against his, your noses bumping. At the touch his shoulders slumped, his back muscles unraveling under your hand. Jin joked that it was weird that his scent glands weren’t in the same places as other hybrids’ but in strange places like his forehead. You couldn’t agree with him because standing there with your foreheads touching it was just as intimate.

The walk to his room was silent. You opened the door for him and watched him hide under the covers, between the countless pillows and stuffed animals. Before leaving, you placed a kiss on his forehead your lips warming up because of his fever. You wanted to stay there with him and with the way he was holding your hand he wanted the same but the lettuce was waiting for you back in the kitchen and there were five hybrids you had to feed.

Finishing up the meal was a matter of minutes. The dressing for the salad had been made and you only had to finish cutting the lettuce and a few fresh tomatoes before mixing everything in a large bowl. You unwrapped the foil from around the duck breasts and arranged them in plates, adding the figs with the pan juices and the fried potatoes. It looked like something you would order at a five-star restaurant, most of Jin’s cooking did.

The mouth-watering aroma must have drifted downstairs because as you were putting the last touches on the plates two sets of feet were running up the staircase. Jimin looked like he had been lured into the kitchen by some magical force, transfixed on the plates on the counter. He sniffed, making tiny happy noises.

“This smells so good. I’m hungry!” he whined.

Jungkook followed behind, taking a look at the plates and turning to you with pleading eyes. “When are we eating?”

You shook your head at their antics. “I just finished up, you can take them down if you want so stop looking at me like that.”

Jimin pouted, his shoulders raising. “Looking at you like what?”

“Stop that, I know what you’re doing.”

Jimin continued on, batting his eyelashes at you. “What am I doing? Am I not doing good?”

You pinched his cheek, making him giggle. “I thought you were hungry but apparently you aren’t hungry enough if you’re still here instead of taking the food down.” At that Jungkook was quick to take out the large trays and fill them with the plates and bowls.

Jimin went to help before pausing. “Where is Jinnie?”

Jin was always in the kitchen before meals, helping the two youngest carry the trays to the backyard. You didn’t want to worry Jimin, he was very sensitive to how others were feeling. His emotional walls were so thin that your blues and grays bled into his yellow. “He’s in his room resting, he’s feeling a little under the weather today.”

“But…How didn’t we notice anything?” Jimin asked.

You patted his shoulder. “I didn’t either until we were cooking lunch. He just needs to rest and he will be better in no time.” Jimin gazed at the food like it could give him the answers he was looking for, you continued. “The duck is his recipe, he only went to his room after the food was ready.” You didn’t mention how he had collapsed while cutting the lettuce, a knife in his hand and way too many grievous possibilities.

Jungkook picked up the nicest plate, you had made it last and having used the previous six ones as practice it had come out looking the best. “Can I take it to him?” It was well-known that he had a soft spot for Jin, sneaking into his room the nights he was running away chased by guilt. Jin had been the only one he had let in then. But again, they all had a soft spot for each other, it may translate differently into actions but it was the same at the core.

You pulled out a smaller bowl from the cupboard. Let me put some salad in this first.” This was one of the only salads everyone liked, even Jimin who was firmly against eating most greens (Namjoon didn’t like them much either but at least he was trying). You filled a glass with water as well and placed it on the smaller tray Jungkook had prepared. “Don’t wake him up if he’s sleeping, he looked really tired.”

“I’ll be quiet,” Jungkook promised picking up the tray and leaving for Jin’s room.

Jimin went back to arranging the plates on the trays. “He’ll be alright soon, right?”

“Of course he will,” you reassured him. “In no time he will be shouting at Jungkook for eating his ingredients and having fights with any insects that find their way to the garden. Now, let’s take these down because having the food right in front of me and not eating it is killing me.”

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 Jin had a terrible headache, that’s where everything had started. He had woken up and instantly wanted to roll to his other side and fall asleep again covering his head with the blanket. His eyes refused to stay open and everything around him was like he was in a fog. His body wasn’t his own, it was like watching someone else execute each move he commanded, like he had lost parts of his senses. Everything was duller.

Powering through, he got up and made his bed, throwing the blankets over it with less precision than usual and arranging his stuffed animals against the pillows. It was your day off because of the gala and he had to make breakfast for you and the other hybrids.

It was enough that he got a few more hours of sleep as a result of the lack of your morning schedule. He could deal with the world being a little blurry at the edges and his body not cooperating every few minutes.

He made an easy breakfast for the day, which was a little disappointing when you were able to sit and enjoy it for once, but he was physically unable to do anything more. Sitting down would help. After breakfast, he would lay down on the couch and he would be better in no time.

Breakfast came and went and in a few hours, he had to start making lunch. Your offer to help was a godsend with his feet feeling like jelly. He thought he had it under control, that he could get through lunch then go to his room and hide under the covers where no one could see him. Until his legs gave up on him.

The knife slipped out of his hand and he watched its slow descent to the cutting board. In a blink he was on his knees, he blinked again and you were next to him helping him up. Hybrids weren’t supposed to get sick, scientists had engineered their whole being down to the color of their hair and eyes, they could strengthen their immune system as well. His past owners used to say that it was in his head because he was living with humans, that if he got sick the center must have given them a problematic hybrid and that couldn’t be true. He had paid a lot for Jin.

The door opened just enough for you to poke your head in. “Jin?” you whispered, quiet enough to not wake him up if he had been sleeping but loud enough for his hearing to pick up while awake. He lowered the blankets from his face. “Hey, did you finish with your food?”

“Yeah, it’s…” He pointed to the tray on the nightstand, he didn’t have enough strength to take it to the desk. You didn’t comment on the food that was left on the plates.

“Are you feeling any better?” you asked. His head still hurt and the heaviness of his body didn’t subside, but it was much better than when he had been standing so he nodded. “Do you need anything else? I brought some medicine if you want, I read that it’s alright for hybrids to take.” Despite the pain and the weariness of his body, he smiled at you and your research. The way you cared about them was endearing. You pulled out a packet from your back pocket.

“I think I’ll take one.” The constant drumming behind his temples and the back of his head was getting too much. It was so bad it wouldn’t let him sleep.

“I’ll go get some water for you.” You left the packet on the nightstand and picked up the tray with the leftovers.

Jin rolled to his back staring at the ceiling. He didn’t get sick often and he hated how his body was betraying him. You returned with a glass filled with water in one hand and a jug in the other.

“There you go,” you said handing him the glass. You opened the medicine packet and pressed a white tablet out. It was light in his palm, almost as if it wasn’t there. He put it in his mouth and washed it down with water. “You’ll feel better in no time.” You stroked his hair and he had to hold himself back from purring. Being sick he craved affection more than ever before.

“Don’t come too close, you’ll get sick too.”

You didn’t pull back. “Then I’ll have a reason to stay at home. It doesn’t sound so bad.” You tugged at the blanket. “Fancy some company?” Jin scooted to the side, letting you slip in next to him. Something inside him rejoiced at having you in his nest with him. It was ridiculous, having the need to nest was ridiculous, but he couldn’t suppress it. You turned around to face him, your head on a light blue pillow you had picked up from the pile. “Do you mind if I stay here for a bit?”

In the absence of words, he nodded his head. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You weren’t wearing makeup today in anticipation of the heavy makeup you would have to wear for the gala. The shadows under your eyes, concealed any other day, were threatening to spill over the rest of your face. The late nights had been many in the past few days, making up for the breaks you were taking. More and more he came to realize that work was your life and you were like a fish escaping water pushing it back.

You didn’t speak, basking in the silent company of each other. Jin let his worries go and, thanks to the medicine, his headache got duller until he couldn’t feel it. He didn’t notice when he fell asleep, waking up to voices.

“…feeling better, the medicine must have kicked in. His temperature has gone back to normal too,” you whispered.

“Okay, that’s good. Our Jinnie is strong,” the other voice said and heat traveled up to the top of Jin’s ears. The voice was unmistakably Namjoon’s and it was so warm Jin wanted to wrap it around himself and never let go. “I think we woke him up.”

“Oh no,” you complained, still whispering. “Jin?”

He opened his eyes, abandoning the comfort of the familiar darkness. You leaning on your forearm peering at him. His heart was beating faster.

“We woke you up, didn’t we?” you asked, looking guilty.

“It’s alright.” He could hear how rough his voice was from sleep. “What time is it?”

“Five,” you said.

He had been sleeping for more than three hours.

Namjoon took a step forward from the door. “I brought you some tea and biscuits,” he said, placing the tray on the now-empty nightstand.

Jin sat up on the bed with his back against the headboard. “Thank you. Can you…?” You picked up the steaming mug and handed it to him, holding it carefully so he wouldn’t burn himself. The plate of biscuits was placed on his lap over the blankets. It was a warm day but the air-conditioning was on in Jin’s room, the weight of the blankets over him promised safety and he didn’t want to be sweating from the heat.

“I’ll be going then,” Namjoon said with a small smile, the two of you exchanging a look.

“Wait.” Namjoon stopped in his tracks. Jin blamed his impulsiveness on the part of him that was controlled by the sugar-glider’s nature. Namjoon shouldn’t be leaving. Namjoon was pack and he should be with him when he wasn’t well, he should be taking care of Jin. One followed the other and it didn’t listen to logic. But he was tired and although the headache was gone, his head was still hazy, so he gave in. “Can you stay?”

The soft smile on Namjoon’s face was enough to wipe away any of his lingering doubts. “Of course I can.” Jin pulled up the blankets inviting him in. Namjoon pulled him closer bringing his forehead to his. The mug shook in Jin’s hold, you covered his hand with yours steading it. Jin realized it wasn’t only his hands shaking as Namjoon scented him tenderly. He felt so weak between the two of you.

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  The makeup artist asked you to close your eyes again to finish your eyeliner. Your makeup had to compliment your dress, like you were a model on the runway and your purpose was to sell the design. You had to admit that it looked beautiful so far, the gold eyeshadow and the dramatic eyeliner. She completed the look with a matte red lipstick while the hairstylist was releasing the last loose curl from the curling wand. You looked like someone out of a movie and tonight you would have to own that.

They helped you put on the dress like you were incapable of doing it on your own. In these cases, everything had to be perfect, including the most mundane of things. The jewelry was modest as not to take the attention away from the dress but enhance the look. A golden necklace with a ruby surrounded by tiny diamonds to decorate the skin the plunging neckline left bare, small diamond earrings, and golden bracelets.

Half an hour left before the gala and you were ready. The charm was arriving a little late so you had to wait before leaving. The stylists took their leave but you stayed at the fitting room/styling section of the closet, which was right under the actual master closet.

The dress fit you like a glove, bringing attention to all the right areas and burying any imperfections. It was the kind of Cinderella transformation the protagonists in older movies used to go through before getting the guy, but it happened all the time to you. A spy in an action movie, a confident heroine knowing how to use her looks, a girl going to a party to have fun and get drunk, that’s more along the lines of the characters you liked to imagine yourself as. You were far from being any of those characters but it was fun to daydream sometimes.

One last look in the mirror and you climbed up the spiral staircase to your closet, turning off the lights behind you. The designer you had met had been pleasant and your conversations hadn’t been awkward. If the rest of the guests, or at least the majority, were like him then the night could be fun.

The hybrids were all in the living room, even Hoseok and Yoongi. Yoongi wasn’t sitting far from them, in a separate sphere, but next to Jimin who was pointing at something in a book. They all looked at you when you came in, the back of the dress sweeping the floor behind you.

“How does it look?” you asked, doing a twirl. The response was delayed by a few moments.

Namjoon snapped out of it first, coming closer to you and taking your hand. “You look beautiful.” He leaned in for your neck before his face scrunched up in displeasure.

“What?” you asked.

He sniffed at the air. “You…”

“Oh, oh,” you said in realization. “It’s the perfume, it’s quite strong, isn’t it? It’s a Christmas gift from my mother, she said she really liked it so I thought I would wear it for her.”

Namjoon tamed his expression but the frown didn’t disappear. “It’s a little overwhelming. It overpowers everything else.” The perfume was too much for you too, it wasn’t surprising that it was too much for the keen noses of the hybrids. The perfume you wore day to day in spring was a lot lighter and you didn’t put on a lot. You had never stopped to think about how perfumes would affect the hybrids.

“I’ll be sure to not wear it again then,” you said, giving his hand a squeeze.

“That isn’t what I meant.” Namjoon scratched the back of his neck. “You can wear it if you like it. It’s just a little much.”

“Well,” you looked at him and the other hybrids conspiratorially, “it isn’t my favorite, either, and if it affects you like that why would I keep wearing it?” Namjoon’s face smoothed out and you noticed Hoseok looking at you with amazement.

You opened the leather clutch and put in your phone and your keys. Your lipstick and powder were already inside along with a pack of tissues. It didn’t fit any more things.

“I’ll be going now. I’m fashionably late enough.” Before going, Jungkook and Jimin kissed you on each cheek careful not to ruin your makeup. Jin had fallen asleep again and none of you were willing to wake him up.

The night could become difficult so you ignored Yoongi’s eyes on you. You didn’t need any more people judging you.

A limousine was waiting for you outside, limousines were practically part of the dress code in these events. John wasn’t with you this time, you had given him the night off. These kinds of events starred in his nightmares, standing in the corner all night not saying a word. That’s how they kept up the illusion. Regardless of how many times you told him you didn’t care about it, he would follow what was expected of him.

The bright lights blinded you when you arrived. Everyone seemed to want to take a look at you. Your heels sunk into the red carpet at the entrance hall, large paintings in golden frames hanging from the walls. You were led up a grand staircase to the hall the gala was taking place. And so the night began…

You listened through speeches about fashion and the vision of the fashion industry and each individual designer. A few parts were quite interesting, but most of them failed to do anything more than repeat the same old ideas again and again. However, the champagne did make everything a little more tolerable. Your mother had been very happy to see you there and she had told you at least three times how beautiful you were. Your father smiled at you, a smile that looked way too political to be for his daughter, the same smile he would put on when greeting the president.

After the speeches were finished, your mother linked your elbows. It was time for the introductions. You put on your camera smile and shook more hands than you ever did at work. The compliments on your work were many, which ones were genuine was a mystery. But it did feel good when the daughter of one of your father’s associates told you how much she loved the finale of season 4 of Paper Hearts and asked you about Six of Crows.

You said goodbye to an older couple and your mother led you to the buffet. A sculpture of a man pinning fabrics on a mannequin stood proudly in the middle, surrounded by plates of food so perfect that it looked more fake than the decorative food pieces you used on set.

Your mother took another flute of champagne from a waiter. “Mr. Jones will be retiring soon but his son doesn’t want to take over the company. It causes a lot of family drama. I heard they only exchange a few words when they meet but Mr. Jones isn’t backing down.” You had no idea what company they had or who their son was but you nodded. “Ah, I wanted to ask you. You didn’t say anything about adopting hybrids.”

Your hand stilled before you could taste the hors d' oeuvres that looked like a sandwich but was too fancy to call it that. “Hybrids?” you repeated.

“I didn’t know you were interested in them,” your mother continued, unaware of how tense you had become. “Certainly not interested enough to adopt four. Are you making a collection?” She laughed at her joke but you only felt ill.

“No, I wouldn’t say that.” You took a bite of the food, trying to swallow it down. You had lost your appetite.

Your mother sipped on her champagne. “That would be a unique one, it could be showcased.” The churning in your stomach got worse. You left the piece that looked like a sandwich aside.

“How did you learn of it?”

“Don’t you read any magazines? It was front-page news.” You had expected that the information would be published sooner or later, you hadn’t been exactly hiding it, but sooner or later was in the future not now. “You should have told me, I would have looked for some high-quality places to buy them from. There are some very beautiful exotic pieces I have seen. Mrs. Anderson, do you remember her? She couldn’t make it this time but she was at the charity event last September.” You didn’t remember her but you nodded again. “She has such a cute chinchilla hybrid and he’s so well-trained too. I hope yours were trained well, I heard it’s difficult to train them yourself. Where did you adopt them from?”

You swallowed down the lump in your throat. “An adoption center in Los Angeles,” you lied easily. Spending hours and hours every day with actors, instructing them about how each scene would seem more natural, you had picked up a few tricks. “I just really liked them and they were already a pack, I didn’t want to break them up.”

Your mother arched a single perfectly-drawn eyebrow, a skill you had sadly not inherited. “A pack? Does that actually exist? Dear, the center must have been trying to give you four hybrids instead of one. Pack,” she tried out the word and she didn’t particularly like the results. “That certainly sounds like some kind of con. What are they? Are all of them wolves?”

“No, they aren’t all wolves. And it was three hybrids, I adopted the other one later from Tennessee with Taylor.”

Taylor’s name brought a spark to your mother. “Oh, how is Taylor? Such a sweet girl, I should have invited her. I will next time.” Your mother had met Taylor exactly once during one of the few of your movie premieres she had actually attended. “Which one did you adopt from there?”

You gritted your teeth, debating how much information was wise to give your mother. “Jin, he’s a sugar glider hybrid.”

That seemed to please her. “Sugar glider? That sounds fancy. I would like to see him up close.” Like you would ever allow that to happen. “He must be a rare breed.”

“He is.”

“Of course, I should have expected that my daughter would decide on a rare breed,” she said as if she was congratulating herself. “I insist you bring him to the next event. I was never that interested in hybrids, too much work, but one would look good in photos.”

“Yeah, I guess he would.” You took a deep breath, it wasn’t the time to throw a tantrum like you were five years old again or puke all over your expensive dress and shoes.

The expression on your mother’s face grew somber. “But four hybrids are a lot, I don’t think I know anyone who owns that many.” She twirled the flute in her hand, waves of the golden liquor hitting the glass and bubbles rising to the surface. “After what happened with Jacob I understand you have been feeling lonely, but hybrids aren’t good substitutes for human company, dear. You can’t rely on them as you relied on him or another man.”

A waiter offered you a glass of champagne from a golden tray. You couldn’t drink too much and risk your tongue loosening but you could allow yourself one more glass to get through this. “I’m not trying to replace him. They aren’t some kind of rebound.”

By her pinched expression, she didn’t believe you. “It’s alright to look for company somewhere else when you feel lonely. I don’t want you to think I’m judging your choices, you are an adult and free to make your own decisions but I’m your mother and I’m worried. You and Jacob were together for so long, we were sure he was the one for you. He was so nice and he took care of you. Your father and I were so happy for you.”

“Not all good relationships last. People change, they grow apart.”

“That’s true. It’s difficult getting out of a relationship after being together for so many years and getting back to your feet. That’s why I understand. I understand that you don’t want to be alone right now but don’t put all of your energy into hybrids. It just isn’t the same. Whatever some people like to say, hybrids are hybrids. They are different from us, they are on a different level. You can’t have the same connection with someone you own.”

Her words continued ringing in your mind for the rest of the night. Your father soon called you to introduce you to one of his colleagues, a successful businessman and politician you had never heard of. The glass of champagne was replaced by another one. You promised yourself it was the last. The owner of a luxurious brand talked with your mother about his plan to expand to more countries and the rehearsed and repeated vision to connect the world through fashion.

You peered at the other guests, all mingling, talking, and laughing. A man only a few feet away from you slapped a girl’s ass. You couldn’t believe your eyes, stuff like that didn’t happen at an event like this. You expected a scene, shouting and screaming and everything in between. Nothing happened. The man that had his arm around her waist only laughed. That’s when you noticed the black fluffy ears on top of her head, they were the same color as her hair and easy to miss. She didn’t have a tail. A silver collar with blue stones the same shade as her dress was secured around her neck. Her shoulders were tense and her head lowered.

In any other situation, any other time, you would have done something. You would have walked up to them and said something, anything you could think of on the spot, even talked to her, made a few minutes more tolerable. You did none of those things. Your parents were there and you had avoided embarrassing them all your life.

The guilt was eating you up, wrapping around all your organs and squeezing, hissing, and calling for your attention, not letting you forget. You had done nothing. If someone had touched your hybrids like that you would have cut their hands off. But that hadn’t been your hybrid, it hadn’t been your place. It hadn’t been your place like it hadn’t been your place to adopt Jin and go against his owner, like it hadn’t been your place to get involved with Namjoon’s pack or Yoongi and Hoseok for that matter. Maybe you had been tricking yourself all along, hiding your selfishness and fear behind the pretense of “not my place”.

Your mother was wrong, you hadn’t been looking for company when you and Jacob broke up. On the contrary, you disregarded everything except work, distancing yourself from all of your friends. It was easy with how busy you were at the time. You would have continued hiding in the Castle and spent your break alone if you hadn’t asked John to stop the car that night. They were what you didn’t know you needed. You had to stop being alone first to realize how lonely you had been.

You couldn’t go back to living like that, waking up and returning to an empty house, having no warm meal and warmer hugs waiting for you. That’s what your life had been like for the longest time and you wondered how you used to live like that. The hybrids were so tangled up in your life you couldn’t find where each thread ended or started. They merged and divided, connecting you all in ways you couldn’t describe.

Taylor had asked you about any crushes when you had been in Virginia, everyone was expecting you to find a new boyfriend after six months or at least start dating but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. No one had piqued your interest and it wasn’t for lack of meeting new people. It would feel wrong going on a date with someone when the hybrids were waiting for you back home. And that’s where the problem was; it shouldn’t feel wrong. Many people who had hybrids went on dates, couples adopted hybrids together and it should be like that for you. But it wasn’t.

Overthinking was one of your talents and you had avoided like you were being chased by wild dogs. You weren’t one to simply go with the flow but Namjoon’s lips on your own had changed your mind. You were too afraid of losing that that you hadn’t allowed yourself to analyze what you were doing, what that meant for you. Namjoon was your hybrid, you may not act like it or think of him like that but you were his owner in the papers. And it wasn’t only Namjoon, the way you cared about the hybrids was different from the way you felt about anyone else. It was all-consuming and too bright. You felt more for them than you had ever felt about Jacob and that was dangerous.

You excused yourself from the event as soon as it was proper for you to do so. Tomorrow morning you had to wake up early for work and you couldn’t stay late into the night. It was true but not the reason you left. Your mother hugged you and thanked you for coming, inviting you once again to their house in New York. She had been inviting you every time you met and you hadn’t once been to their house.

The window of the limousine was cold against your cheek, your foundation staining the glass. Maybe your mother wasn’t that wrong. You didn’t dare put a name to your feelings but you couldn’t deny that they were there. Were you really that lonely that your mind was playing tricks on you? Groaning, you knocked your head against the glass, hard enough to hear a small thud. You shouldn’t be thinking of them like that, it was wrong, so wrong.

Was it the way the world viewed hybrids messing with you, bleeding into your subconscious? They were presented as the answer to any and all desires, transformed into wet dreams. The media had the power to influence behaviors and thoughts little by little without the person noticing. You had thought you were too clever to fall victim to their molded reality. You knocked your head against the glass again, the driver must have been thinking you were crazy.

The limousine parked in front of the Castle. On other nights the lights would have been turned off by now but tonight they were all shinning, welcoming you home. You fished your keys out of your bag and unlocked the door. The lights were on in the living room in the lowest setting.

“Welcome.” You jumped, almost tumbling to the floor at being startled while taking off your heels.

“Every. Single. Time.” Namjoon laughed quietly. “How do you do this every single time?”

“I was already here, I couldn’t make any more noise.” He got up from the couch, extending a hand to you. You took it and he guided you to the couch. “Did you have a good time?”

The dress wrinkled as you pulled one foot under you but you couldn’t care less. “It was… bearable. I didn’t-” You let your head fall on the back of the couch. Seeing Namjoon up close after the night you had, looking at you with soft eyes like you held the sky in the palm of your hand, everything was coming back. What were you doing here? Your heart shouldn’t be racing like that when you were thinking about the wolf hybrid, your hands shouldn’t be itching to touch him.

“You’re here now, you can relax,” he said trailing his hand from your arm to your shoulder and up your neck. Goosebumps raised on your bare skin. “You’re home.” His breath tickled your face, his lips were so close and you wanted, you wanted… You pushed him back.

“I should go take off my makeup. I’m exhausted.”

Namjoon frowned but he didn’t question you. “Okay,” he said softly. “Your bed must be calling your name.”

“It is,” you said slipping away from him. The absence of his touch left a void inside you. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

You went to your room with a heavy heart, leaving Namjoon alone in the living room.

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 You found the offending magazine in a store close to the studios. Copies of it filled a whole stand. The cover was a photo of you with Jin and Jimin in front of the waffle place the day you had taken them with you to the table-reading. It really was front-page news.

In A Stunning Display of Power And Wealth Y/N Y/L/N Adopts Four Hybrids

Straight to the point, every word chosen precisely to attract attention. A display of power and wealth. Of course, that’s what sold copies. That’s what people wanted to read; how one of the richest and most famous directors of your generation was showing off their wealth and power. Hybrids continued to be a sign of money. To adopt four hybrids meant you were crazy rich, but people already knew that when similar headlines had swept all tabloids just a year ago, brought on by the outrageous purchase of the Castle.

Four pages were dedicated to you and your hybrids, completed with more photos of the same day and quotes from “insider sources”. You closed the magazine and went to the counter. The cashier scanned it without glancing at your face, which saved you some trouble. You almost thought you would have to re-enact the comedic scene of the cashier looking at the magazine, then at you, then back at the magazine, then back at you like a robot that had stopped working. You shoved the magazine in your bag, self-conscious of anyone seeing it on you, and went back to the studios.

Filming would begin very soon, which meant you were swamped with work. Everything had to be perfect because that’s the kind of director you were. A perfectionist. If it also gave you an excuse not to think about the hybrids and all of the implications of the flutter of your heart when you were with them, you weren’t complaining. And if you were a little more distant, that could easily be attributed to your work too.

Sleepless nights became too common, your head was too loud and Jimin laying next to you only made it louder.

Filming started and your schedule changed. Most days you still woke up early and returned late at night, but because each scene required a specific time of the day there were nights you came back hours after midnight. You had promised the hybrids you would take them with you on set but every morning you got in the car alone.

Fourth day of filming and unexpected rain forced you to cancel the outside shooting. You only had outside filming that day. You rushed to make adjustments and switch to scenes that could be filmed inside the studios. The crew would need time to prepare everything for the filming so you had been left with the morning off.

You unlocked the door, hiding inside the house from the rain. It hadn’t rained like that in a long time. The heavens had opened up and the rain refused to stop coming down like it was determined to turn Los Angeles into a gigantic lake. Your shoes left puddles wherever you stepped, you would have to mop the floors later. You took them off and placed them by the door. They had suffered the most, the rest of yourself was relatively dry with the exception of the lower part of your pants.

No one was attacking you with hugs as you closed the umbrella someone from the staff had handed you, the hybrids mustn’t have heard you coming in. If they had heard you, you would have had an armful of Jimin and Jungkook by now.

“Oh, hey Yoongi,” you greeted the panther hybrid coming out of the kitchen. Your tactic with Yoongi was to act like you were talking to someone who didn’t strongly dislike you. The scowls and the sneers had decreased turning into a plastic sort of indifference and that’s what made you pause. His scowl could cut you like a knife. “Are you alright?”

Yoongi stalked past you. “What are doing back?” he asked harshly.

You were taken aback for a moment. He hadn’t spoken like that to you since before you had left for Virginia. “I have the morning off because of the rain. Did something happen here?”

“Why do you care?” Yoongi stood by the staircase, his black tail unmoving behind him.

“Why would I not care?” you shot back. The rain had already ruined your plans for the day and caused you enough stress to last you for a few more, you didn’t have enough energy to deal with Yoongi. “Seriously, what happened? Is Hoseok alright?”

A low growl vibrated through the room, you almost took a step back at the threatening sound. “Don’t you speak his name. Was caring for him another way to make you feel powerful? Is this some kind of sick way for you to gain power over someone?”

You were too tired to handle this delicately as you should, you recognized that and proceeded to ignore it. “What the hell is this about? I just came back from work.”

Yoongi scoffed, it was an ugly sound. “Because you have brainwashed everyone else, don’t think I don’t see you for who you are. Have you sold our story yet? About how you saved Hoseok and nursed him back to health? I am sure that will sell many magazines. Show them all how all-powerful you are.”

Through the haze of the day, the words started to click. “You found the magazine.”

“You didn’t try to hide it.” You couldn’t remember where you had left it, it had probably ended up in the stack of magazines under the living room table. “I knew no one would take four hybrids in out of the goodness of their hearts. Did it work? Was it worth it or are you already getting bored? Maybe you should adopt a couple more. Make more headlines.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” you gritted out.

“That’s what you’d like to think,” Yoongi sneered. “All of you are the same. Hiding in your mansions and looking for the next chance to brandish your name. It’s a constant chase of power and standing, isn’t it? And you’ll use anyone you’ll find in your way to climb higher. I know how it is. You can’t fool me. I’ve been dealing with people like you for years!”

Your pants and your wet socks were sticking uncomfortably to your skin. Your head was buzzing. It hurt because that’s everything you had been trying to avoid. Everything you had promised yourself not to become. Everything you had criticized your parents and their circle for. You weren’t like them. You had never been like them.

“You don’t know me, don’t pretend you do,” you said forcefully. “Do you really think that’s how magazines work? I just call them and tell them I want them to write about me? Put me on the front cover? That’s not it. Even if it was, why would I do that? I couldn’t care less about the power-plays you’re talking about. I’m a director and my work speaks for itself. I don’t need magazines to brandish my name because my movies and my shows are more than enough. The paparazzi saw the chance and they took it. Their goal is to sell and their headlines showcase exactly that; what people would buy. I never hid the fact that I adopted hybrids but I wasn’t flaunting it to the media either.”

“Why should I believe you?” Yoongi growled.

You sighed, a sound full of frustration. “Frankly, I don’t see what else I could do to make you believe me! I tended to Hoseok. I didn’t ask any questions. I tried hard not to cross any boundaries and to make you feel welcome. What more do you want me to do?”

“Nothing,” Yoongi said simply. “Nothing you do can change my mind.”

It was like a stone dropped in the pit of your stomach. You shouldn’t have expected anything else. Yoongi had been through a lot, that much was clear, but it was unfair that he was taking out everything on you. You were paying for the scars other humans had inflicted on him.

“I’m not who you think I am.”

“You don’t know what I think.”

“It’s pretty clear,” you muttered. “Alright, I can’t change your mind, I won’t even try. I know how to pick my battles. But if you really despise me so much then why bother? Nothing you say will change anything. Are you trying to uncover some hidden truth about me and how evil I am? Then what?”

The fur on Yoongi’s tail and ears stood on end. “I don’t care. I don’t care about you, about what you have done and what you will do as long as we’re gone from here. I don’t care for your charity or your pity. Did it ever occur to you that I never wanted to be here in the first place?”

You swallowed, willing your heart rate to calm down. “Then tell Hoseok and Jimin yourself. The keys are by the door.”

You didn’t wait for Yoongi to say anything else, turning around and locking yourself in your room. You laid down on your bed, your hands gripping your hair. The exhaustion this time was beyond physical, beyond mental. Your hands retreated from your hair, sliding down your cheeks. Your fingers were wet.

Later when Jimin and Jungkook knocked on the door, you had to open the door or risk worrying them. They jumped on the bed and snuggled close to you. You held your phone waiting for the call to go to the studios.

You didn’t face any new problems with filming. The actors were all incredible, seemingly one with their characters. You did a lot of filming at 300 Fox Way, the psychic’s house with its mystic aura and weirdly compelling assortment of objects. You instructed the actors, talked with the crew, and analyzed the script down to each comma. Focusing on anything other than Yoongi’s words and your hybrids had turned into an art form.

The sleepless nights didn’t cease, you and the moonlight had become good friends. Jimin’s visits to your room thinned out. He had noticed you pulling away. You didn’t hug him anymore or kissed his forehead before falling asleep, you couldn’t come to terms with doing that after everything that had happened. You had thought that maybe you would sleep better alone but that had been proved false soon after.

You got out of bed for the fourth night in a row. Every position was uncomfortable. Keeping your steps light you left the room. The large house was eerie at night, the living room area with its glass walls looked endless, combining the actual living room, the dining room, and what the real estate agents had called the family room that was really just another living room.

You couldn’t stay in your room on nights like these, it was too contained. The night air on your skin sent shivers down your frame as you walked out on the balcony. It was two days before the full moon and its glow illuminated the world.

What had you gotten yourself into? You wished you could go back to that morning and decline your mother’s invitation to the gala. Maybe, just maybe, then you would be able to sleep, your head wouldn’t be fighting you at every turn, at every chance.

Little pieces of moonlight shimmered and danced on the lake. The calmness of the world was a stark contrast to the mess in your head. You remembered how Jungkook had looked at the lake in awe that very first night, you had noticed then that he looked at Jimin the same way. You wondered how you looked at them and if anyone had noticed.

The moon had no answers for you.

Two golden eyes were looking up at you from the garden, they shone like the fires that had been extinguished earlier. Namjoon tilted his head, inviting you down. A weird sense of deja vu took over. You had lived something very similar before, a night that had changed so much.

You shouldn’t go. You should stay where you were, alone and safe, away from fluttering heartbeats and dangerous warmth. But the night had its way of calling out the risky nature of people. The thrill was so much more enticing when darkness ruled.

Climbing down the stairs, you kept your steps quiet. You never knew which sound would wake up the hybrids. Namjoon was standing by the flower bushes close to the curtain of vines that lead into the forest. He was wearing a dark blue pair of pajama pants and a simple black T-shirt.

“What are you doing awake so late?” you whispered, like everything around you had ears.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

You shook your head. “I have trouble sleeping, remember?”

Namjoon had caught you a few times wandering the house at night, he was the only one who knew that a lot of nights sleep didn’t come to you willingly. His own nightly adventures were more complicated.

“Why are you awake?” you asked him again. “Please don’t tell me you smelled distress or something again or I’ll freak.”

Namjoon chuckled, you had missed it. Keeping your distance meant you only saw them for barely two hours every day. They all tried to not make too much noise with you in the constant mood of ‘tired and gloomy’.

“No, that’s not it.” He looked up, over the trees. “It’s the full moon.”

“You have to be kidding me. Do you turn into a wolf too?”

Namjoon raised his hands in surrender, his dimples on full display. “I’m joking, I’m joking. I couldn’t sleep either and I like being outside at night like this. It’s peaceful.”

You couldn’t disagree with that. There was something alluring about the quiet of the night. You would describe yourself more as a morning person than a night owl but both of them were true, waking up early for work then staying up late for it too.

“Are you alright?” The smile had fallen from his lips.

You squirmed under the intensity of his gaze. “I’m just tired, that’s all. Filming takes a lot out of me.”

Namjoon sighed. “Are you sure that’s all there is? You have been acting differently, did you think we wouldn’t notice?”

You knew they would notice but you had hoped they would think it was because of your work. Work did take a lot out of you but it also used to be the reason you were so much happier returning home.

“It has been going on for too long. You don’t spend any time outside your room or your office if it isn’t to eat. You are avoiding us. Jimin and Jungkook stopped scenting you because they think they’re making you uncomfortable.”

“It isn’t- They aren’t making me uncomfortable. I’m just tired from work and I don’t-” you tried to deny it but you fell short of excuses.

“You were working before too, but it wasn’t like this,” he pointed out. “You were tired then too. Some nights you came back and I could smell the exhaustion around you like a disease. But you smiled when Jimin and Jungkook ran up to you and didn’t let you go, you laughed at Jin laughing at his own jokes. You came to me when it got too loud here.” He pointed to your head.

“We weren’t filming then.” It was a weak attempt but you had to make it.

Namjoon regarded you carefully. Beams of moonlight got tangled in his gray hair turning it silver. He looked at home right there at that moment, close to the trees with the moon shining on him. He was every bit of magic you had ever witnessed.

“This started before filming did. I knew there was something wrong when you came back from the gala. Something happened there,” Namjoon concluded. “I should have come with you.”

You shook your head vigorously. Imagining him next to you while your mother spoke about hybrids like that was torture. “No, you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t have been with me.” You paused to compose yourself. “It wasn’t good, it was really bad actually. It wasn’t the gala itself, there some interesting people and… My mother…” You took a deep breath. “I don’t think I like my parents very much,” you admitted.

It was hard to say after years of half-hearted attempts at mending your relationship with them. All those years apart you had become very different people. You had trouble remembering what they were like before they left you in your aunt’s care. You couldn’t see any traces of them in yourself, you didn’t enjoy what they enjoyed, your interests and priorities, the way you viewed the world were very different.

In the past few days, you had grown to hate your mother’s voice in your head but you had a feeling that it had been much longer than that. The only difference was that before, you had been able to ignore it.

Namjoon came closer, his hand touching your palm waiting for you to make the first move. You took his hand in yours, laying your head on his chest. “That’s alright. You don’t have to like them, no one is forcing you to.”

“But they are my parents.”

He stroked your back gently. “It doesn’t matter, that isn’t enough of a reason.”

“They aren’t bad people.”

“They don’t need to be bad people for you to dislike them.”

You stayed like that for a few moments, taking in his presence. You had missed being in his arms so much, like an ache that couldn’t go away.

He stopped stroking your back, cupping your cheek and pulling back so you were facing each other. “I’m always here for you. I don’t care about anything else but seeing you happy. I’m here.”

“I missed you,” you admitted like it was a secret.

Namjoon smiled softly. “I missed you too.” His thumb caressed your lower lip. There was a tingling sensation all over your skin. “Can I?” he asked just like the very first time.

You let out a shuddering breath. “Should we be doing this?”

“Do you want to?” he asked carefully.

You bit your lip before nodding. He leaned down connecting your lips. It was soft and careful, all the longing and hurt of the past days poured into the kiss. You pulled him closer and he came willingly. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

An awful laugh cut through the night. You pulled away from Namjoon like you had been burnt. Yoongi was one with the night, dark like a shadow.

“So this is it? Is this why you adopted them all? So you can have your pick when you’re in the mood?” The expression on his face was cruel, twisted up in disgust.

Namjoon growled, his sharp canines shinning in the moonlight. In that moment, Namjoon looked more dangerous than ever before. “Shut your mouth.”

“I see she has turned you into her dog. How long did it take to tame you?”

You held Namjoon back before he could lunge at the panther. You were afraid that if you let him go, there would blood on their clothes. “Don’t.”

Yoongi took a tense step forward. “That’s right, listen to your owner. Is that what she has turned all of you into? Her toys? Just for a roof over your head and food?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Namjoon growled. “Don’t you dare talk about her like that. You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”

Yoongi clenched his fists. There was anger and something else you couldn’t see in the night amidst your panic. “I knew it. I knew no one did what you did without any kind of agenda. Seems like the magazine was right, at least in part. You can’t fool me, even if you managed to fool everyone else.”

With that he was gone, like he was never there.

You couldn’t breathe. Your hand was still wrapped around Namjoon’s wrist and you couldn’t breathe. You counted in your head. One, two, three…

When Namjoon tried to touch your shoulder, you pulled away. “I’m going back to my room,” you said. Your voice sounded shaky to your own ears. Namjoon called out to you but you didn’t stop. He didn’t try to touch you again.

Please comment and reblog it motivates me to keep writing