#1) im not popular 2) im fucking sick in the head that makes me Like This

[kasarian]

gah its starting to get super lonely on the internet again

[mediocre-noodle]

SONG OF THE DAY + 1 bc ehehshjddb

abnormality dancing girl by guchiry… my beloved… it has lore but i interpret it for dallas in the way that “did i get it? that brand new me?” PUFHH. also the character in the video is highly implied to go insane and also implied to kill herself or something. she at least goes insane with the obsession of being perfect. dallas isnt like it so i took the lyrics and twisted them iykwim. its in JP so i gave the video w the eng subs :D

https://youtu.be/DK56dOxLxPY?si=k0yatpQT4bSD0Tiu

and then the +1,,, oughhh probabky my fav or one of my fav kikuo songs: dance of the frogs. ITS ABOUT REINCARNATION!!!! YEAHH. theres a really sick part at 2:52 and onwards like OMIGOD i fucking love the animation like HHSJSHODBSJ frogs??? skeletons??? buddhism elements?? qi xuan is such an amazing voice bank????!:!/&!:8 yes its also a dallas song, especially bc its about reincarnation which can be tied into the lore of dallas never dying like oughh especially when the dance at 3:09,, and then it gets less lighthearted with the frogs looking like theyre in pain (3:27) WITH THE FROG HANDS STRUGGLING TO TRY AND GRASP EACH OTHER AND THE LYRICS?? ‘SUFFERANCE’?? ‘JAIL’?? ‘PRISON CELL’? YEAH NOT DYING WOULD BE HELL FR!!! AND THEN THE SICK SKELETON DANCE INSTRUMENTAL AT 3:59?? AND THEN THE SICK ASS INSTRUMENTAL WITH THE IMPLIED TRANSITION FROM ONE REINCARNATION LIFE TO THE NEXT AT 4:25??? THE WAY IT SLOWLY GETS FASTER?? OH MY GOD. and then the end of that scene with a frame of a lotus im deceased (lotuses mean rebirth).

https://youtu.be/8aS1DiEKAsI?si=QAYK7B9LnuRftNNs

flashing colors warning but it’s so worth it (unless you get a seizure). kikuo’s videos always have captions and theyre STYLIZED!! glamified!! oughhh i fucking love this song and the hidden meanings

OOOOOO those sound sick as FUCK!!!!! i really wanna see whats up with dance of the frogs because from your description it sounds absolutely INSANE

last time i checked i dont usually get seizures so i should be good to go!! tomorrow tho. its my self imposed bed time right now

i!! also have a song of the day!!!! +1!!!!!!! really its more like whatever song is stuck in my head at the moment but! thats ok

1. Drella by Pierce the Veil (shocking i know)

oughhhhhh this song is in my BRAINNNN its in my NEURONSSSSS my freaking UAGH

its????? idk its like. the way he sings is so AUGH and idrk how to interpret lyrics so im not sure what this song is about but its FIRE SO YIPPEE!!!!!!!! the freaking BEAT oiygahhsjshsh dude the way he sings is. gwoahghr cause like he has a rlly distinct voice n he sings pretty high and it ITCHES my BRAIN (also theres a lot of screaming. but as a will wood fan i feel like that wouldnt phase you by now)

+1. Tangled in the Great Escape by Pierce the Veil

DUDE. DUDE THIS SONG. DUDE THIS FREAKING SONG. DUDE GSUAHAGSHDHEHND

i love this album so much cause its got some really sad songs (AND EVERG SINGLE ONE IS A BANGERRR) and this one is one of them and honestly i dont know why its not more popular because its SO GOODDDDDDDDD GRAH

a lot of people saw the song as being about losing a friend to drug addiction when you start to see theyre too far gone but another interpretation i saw was about suicide, which me personally i thought of it as initially but im not really sure. all i know is that its SAD (but its pretty fire on the beat n g l)

tbh i think tangled in the great escape would make a really good song for the villain au? like if alibi was singing it about dallas (who became so obsessed with the idea of revenge that it was basically like losing the person you loved which. wowie i made myself sad)

[thecoolerliauditore]

hello tumblr mutual megabuild idk why i wrote all this but i hope this data is interesting 👍

despite um. how i am now. i actually used to be very very anti-mcyt. not in the way of actively saying that i hated its fans or creators but i avoided anything to do with it at all costs on every platform and kind of rolled my eyes when i realised a piece of fanart i otherwise liked was for mcyt.

dsmp in particular i actually still refuse to really interact with.

i think in my case it was a combination of things. While I didn't really interact with people at all, I had friends who did and I'm not exaggerating when I say a good 3/4 of them had some sort of bad encounter with dsmp fans circa 2018. whether it was comparing their OCs to dsmp characters for having similar but overall generic features (curly brown hair, smiley masks, pink hair, etc.) or coming onto their streams/videos just to assert that their CC was better, we were all kind of aware that the fandom was mostly made up of young teens who didn't quite have internet manners figured out yet and it didn't really scream "hey, this thing is neat and you should get into it" no matter how cool sad-ist's animatics were.

that and, you're gonna have to bare with me since I'm getting a little bit broad here, I believe my generation specifically were drilled with parasocial marketing for most of our lives and all of us were simultaneously very sick of it and couldn't help but participate. think early 2000s boy bands into early internet celebs like pewdiepie and markiplier into the popularity boom of things like kpop and vtubers and then finally mcyt. (i would argue professional sports also counts into this but there's a whole other discussion to be had there i think)

if you were a fan of any one of them, you'd probably made fun of one of the others at some point in time, despite knowing fully well you weren't any better. at my most delusional i might've reasoned that My Thing was better because xyz but i think deep down we all knew.

mcyt was especially offensive for me because

1. while studios and production companies get flak for overprotecting its talents, they are also safety nets in case things (inevitably) go wrong with the human factor involved. which people like the dsmp creators (who were very much my only knowledge of mcyt at the time barring watching captainsparklez when i was 10) lack. and

2. the dsmp creators were extremely young, unlike early youtube names like pewds and matpat and so on. im ngl im still incredibly uncomfortable thinking about these school-aged kids getting the amount of fandom they did and people saying all sorts of different things about both them in-story and as people at a time as fucked up as highschool is. Idk but I know highschool me would've been permanently fucked in the head for life facing the judgment of thousands of ppl on the internet for dumb teenage shit. i was a very messed up kid who redirected a lot of my anger at random things and i would've definitely doubled down and became a worse person out of spite if i was (rightfully) called out instead of given the time to realise how unreasonable i was in privacy.

(mind you: i am also of the same mind when it comes to child actors and refuse to engage with things like s tranger things out of the same principle. at least those kids have a studio and adults behind them but yeah I might just be more sensitive about this than the average person)

im not smart enough to offer a solution to the issue because im not sure i can say there even is one but as a whole fifteen year olds becoming famous for their minecraft series is still a scary concept to me and it all culminated in me being very squicked by MCYT as a whole. none of it made a particularly positive impression on me.

i hope this all makes sense? ✌️

*Taking this to encompass all forms of MCYT, from modern streamed SMPs such as Dream SMP and QSMP, to popular YouTube series like Hermitcraft, to old-school series like Yogscast, Aphmau, and Stampy, and single-player series such as Mumbo Jumbo's redstone videos. For the purposes of this poll, any uploaded video format that is primarily focused on content set within the game Minecraft counts as MCYT.

When I say negatively, you can take this in any way, but I am specifically thinking of people who will look down in or be wary of people who say they are into MCYT, or have "MCYT fans DNI" or similar listed on their profile. If you are not interested in MCYT but have no negative connotations with the medium you are free to not answer.

Since I am a MCYT blog the results may appear skewed at first- I don't want to be the "reblog for bigger sample size" guy but if you have reach outwith MCYT spheres please consider it!

[sainthelgas]

Buffy s1e07/s1e08 thoughts

Spoilers below. Readers beware. Your in for a scare.

Part 1: s1e97

Oh i just said that im not dure to make of angel. Hopefully this episode will let me get a better idea of his gist.

Is like the buffy/angel ship mostly popular due to wish fulfillmen? It kinda feels like to me there relationship isnt ad interesting as it is appealing for the shows prime audience. Angel is kinds like hot and edgy but like in a sensitive sort of way. Unlike someone like Xander he isnt that needy. Its not even clear if hes really into buffy. I assume mostly so he can have plauable deniability in court. I kid I kid. In all fairness i ship zillow so my opinion on relationships shouldnt be trusted. And i dont really like men with the gosling phenotype. But thats my personal taste. If i had to have sex with one of the men from buffy so far and i couldnt pick the principle who was canniablised id probably pick giles.

Willow is the funniest character on this show. Here dialogue isnt super funny, or at least in comparrison to the other characters. But her delivery is top notch.

Ew. Gross. There goes any plauable deniability. Oh shit hes a vampyr????? Okay, i thibk im getting the ship more now. This is kinds like proto twilight. "Ooh baby i want you. To drink your blood???". Except the implied fact that edward is signigabtly older then bella is context. Xander i also hate this guy but you can not tell her to kill him right now. At least wait a little for fucks sake. Even if thats true she obviosuly isnt gonna listen to that right now.

I fuck with Darla big time. She reminds me of Akai from csm. Maybe judt cause theyre both blone if im being honest.

HES 240?! Fucking hell man! To be fair he isnt like still hanging around high schools like edward. He just happened to get involved with high school bullshit.

Ya know xander isnt perfect. As we learned last episode. But he would never do this shit. Like yeah angel is definitely more emotionally mature then xander but thats mostly cause xander is in fact a teenager. Angel is old enough to have five generations or grand children and hes still acting like a tortured pretty boy.

Angels gay as shit for that. Sorry. I did wanna give him the benefit of the doubt but no more. I hate this shmuck. Darla should dump the chump and get with a real man. And i guess she did. Except he dumped her to date a high schooler like an undead scott pilgrim. I saw this all but maybe his sad backstory will change my opinion on him. Honestly id probably like him a LOT more if he was played by michael cera.

Giles should start fucking buffys mom so its less suspicious when he shows up places for no reason.

Update: the sad backstory got me. He judt got a big spike in edge points.

When she said "you're sick. Youll always be sick" i started drooling . And there she goes. Bye darla. All she did was be the best chsracter on the shoe and then die. Ooh shit i love how the subplot at the club eith the place getting fumigsted kinda reflects the titular vampire slaying. It feels like they're playing into the question of how necessrry it is to slay all vampires and the moral grays in the middle. It also helped me understand the buffy/angel ship more. Like im not a fan but i get it. I understsnd it but I dont want it. Im still on the Xillow train even if i vsnt imagine it heading anywhere besides front first into the side og the mountain. Cause even if they do get together i feel like xander eill still see himself as "settling" which will play into willows feelings of inferiority to buffy which will then feed into xanders feeling of having settled. But thats kinds what i find interesting about it.

Part 2: ep s1e08

I lobe the cold opening for this episode. We're fsr enough in you kinds get the monster of a werk formst do thry csn start getting weird with it.

"The only reality is virtual. If youre not jscked ib youre not alive" is perhaps my life moto. I should get thst tattood on my forhead. Is this gonna be the late 90's internet episode? I hope so. Also willows turtleneck in the opening but is amazing.

She met someone?! Holy shit! Finally shes moving on from xander. I think its funny how willow is like more online then buffy. When you gotts explain to your real life friends why you have a boyfriend on the other side of the planet.

Im happy but shes kinda also getting into the bad habit of seeking out validation online. Which is a no go. Id know. Anyones better then xander probably. (Will regret this later)

What what nazi germany what? Whos the nazi? Was the internet already radicalising people by this point??? They say jacked in like it explains anything but it doesnt

This is just a good episode. It really plays into willows insecurities which i like. The visuals and aesthetics also have me flipping like a dog. Especially the harsh green lighting at the climax. Thats what im here for!!!

[theintrovertwithadhd]

blah

feeling very, very blah today.

I want to say it's likely because I'm about to get my period and I know that is true, but my mind plays so many tricks on me and I'm just teaching myself now how to train it and not listen to all the thoughts in my head and think that they're all real because they are not.

Work is changing a lot. It went from just me and my co-worker to now a boss and 2 other coworkers on our team and it's definitely been quite an adjustment.

It was just the 2 of us managing the department, so when we got a boss she split both of our roles into 2 roles which I am VERY grateful for and incredibly proud of myself for being a 1 man show for the marketing and communications, however it's been well over a month and I still have yet seen my revised job description. I've brought it up several times, and I ensure to angle it so I am clear on my tasks and can check all the boxes that I'm suppose to be doing now. Every time I ask she'll just say "oh ya..." so what do I even say after that??

The new guy who took over the other half of the role is alright. He's quite creative and incredibly digitally talented. He used to be a freelancer but then got sick of not being able to "turn off" as an entrepreneur, so thats why he wanted to work for someone else.

He keeps complaining about how hes on week 3 and the company still hasn't provided him his work computer, so he has to bring in his $6000 computer everyday - which I really don't see it being that terrible. I mean it's not ideal that after that long we still haven't provided him one and ya it doesn't look great... but then he'll make comments about what we are providing him is a "downgrade" compared to what he is working with and was disappointed we weren't able to provide him with all of his asks. Like dude, you have to remember where you are working here, we aren't a top high level company corporation here - its a yacht club... I don't know why this bothered me so much.

Then this week the new girl who took over the other half of my coworkers job started. Shes young, peppy and very outgoing. Idunno why but I find her kind of annoying. it feels like she tries really hard, I guess because she just started and shes young. What really annoys me is that she seems to get along REALLY well with my favourite coworker Angela (The one where it was just me and her all along).

Also everyone is starting to just love her, especially HR and it's so fucking annoying because I really don't like HR. She trying to make this place into a hotel vibe, and it's not a hotel... it is a yacht club...

They're all just obsessed with her, and I mean thats great, but idunno, I guess i'm jealous? or something about my ego here, because I feel like I used to be her and the entertainer when I worked at my previous corporate job a few years ago. I loved being that outgoing, spunky, fun one who stuck out from the group. But I that's not really me anymore and part of that makes me sad, but on the other hand part of me is grateful that my life isn't that chaotic anymore because those are the stories that I would share at the lunch table at work. So maybe it's a good thing because really all these stories she tells is about her toxic friends or things that happen to her - when I've been through that and learned my stuff.

I'm the type of person who goes to work to get shit done, make a difference, do my job and learn while I go. But this whole setting almost feels like a popularity contest and it's soooo different then what Im used to (with the corporate background). I've read before that 80% of doing well at work is the people liking you, and 20% how well you actually doing your job.

Reminder:

you are learning from this expereince

you are liked by your coworkers

you are also older than her and this is her "young chaotic" time in her life

You have a life outside of work

You've come to a point where you dont' care if people like you, you know your people

[hermindlessthoughts]

Jealousy Jealousy Jealousy

1. Let’s make this clear, OLIVIA RODRIGO STANS ONLY no slander will be tolerated here. 

2. I swear im not some crazed high schooler lmfaooo believe it or not im in college.

Anyway... Back to the point 

“Co-comparison is killing me slowly. I think I think too much about kids who don’t know me I’m so sick of myself, rather be , rather be anyone anyone  else, my jealousy jealousy.”  God I fucking love this song.

This song describes me in every which way you could think of. I’m so fucking sick of my brain constantly comparing myself to others, and wanting what other people have. The constant anxiety and feeling like im inadequate. Imposter syndrome, self loathing, wallowing in self pity, you name I fucking got it. It makes me dread everything. SICKENING. It’s funny because I used to love saying all the time in high school “ha OmG GuYs i DonT gEt JeAlouS heehee ha ha”. It’s screaming “pick me im quirky and different”. YUCK. 

But no in all reality I would get jealous, SCRATCH THAT I DO get jealous. Let’s be clear tho and not mix up jealousy and envy.

Envy Is desiring what someone else has, or desiring something that is not yours. It often leads to spite and resentment at the success of another person.

Jealousy on the other hand, is an emotion that typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something. Jealousy is a form of hatred built upon insecurity.

Anyway that being said... I AM SO SICK OF MYSELF. I wish i could be the person I wanna be without my anxiety spewing into everything. I just want peace of mind, serenity, quietness, you know for my brain to just SHUT THE FUCK UP. 

Im jealous of people who dont give a shit what others think.

im jealous of people who can dance.

Im jealous of people who are naturally confident.

im jealous of people who are naturally beautiful.

im jealous of people who are skinny.

Im jealous of people who are “cool” (whatever cool means), or “popular”.

Im jealous of people who make friends so easily.

Im jealous of people who are naturally funny.

THIS LIST COULD GO ON AND ON BUT IM REALLY TRYING TO HOLD MYSELF AND MY SANITY. It’s crazy how the things i’m jealous of make me feel like it determines my value to other people.

I do think too much about kids who don’t know me. Whether or not people actually like me or do they all hate me like I think they do. Do they think that im cool enough just like other people i’ve seen?  I get jealous of those who are more like the character i’ve built for myself in head. The girl who is cooler, more adventurous, confident, the girl everyone likes but doesn't give a fuck. Which then leads me into this endless cycle of adopting personalities/characteristics that I think people will like. I adopt them thinking that this is who I am but in the end i feel like i dont know who i am. After each succession i feel hollow. I am empty. I dont know what makes me, me, or what i want because my whole personality is a lie. I am a fraud who hates herself the most lmao. No one will like me if i’m not playing the part that i think i should be playing. There is so much weight on my back but I cant seem to let it go. I feel like im drowning. Jealousy makes life so fuckin miserable. 

“All your friends are so cool, you go out every night In your daddy's nice car, yeah, you're livin' the life Got a pretty face, pretty boyfriend, too I wanna be you so bad, and I don't even know you All I see is what I should be Happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy All I see is what I should be I'm losin' it, all I get's, jealousy, jealousy”

All this comparison is really killing me slowly. 

[newtedison]

my thoughts on the crank palace

i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy

1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later

2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in. 

3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...

4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt

5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it

6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...

7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.

i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think

(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)

[innittowinit]

Can you pick me up? my uni burnt down (Chapt. 2)

Relationships: Sleepy bois inc (all fics i write are platonic)

Summary: 

 In which Techno goes to England for University, his building catches fire in the night, and he isn't prepared for the difference in climate between England and California. SBI fluff ensues

Chapter summary: 

After waking up, Wilbur has the great idea that they should do a sleepy boys stream. Tommy doesn't get told about this id

Words: 1785

Language: English

AO3 Chapt. 1

Listen, waking up on a sofa, with a thin blanket shared with 3 men was never going to be the best morning. His back hurt and his legs were numb from Wilbur having sprawled out over the three of them as he slept. 

Stretching his arms back, he recounted the events of last night. God, it really was only a few hours ago, he was so tired. Had this been last year, he would have been able to stay up for days on end and then just crash for an entire weekend. It wasn’t last year though and Techno had gotten himself into a fairly healthy routine, he couldn’t exactly be sleeping through his uni classes anyway. 

“Alright you two” Hearing Philza’s voice, he propped his head up, “Get up, you can’t lay around all day”

A groan came from the mass of blankets and cushions that happened to be Wilbur, who was curled up in the centre of it,

“Phil it's so early and we went to bed so late. It’s fine to sleep in”

“Okay” he chuckled, humouring his tired friend “It’s midday Wil, im taking the blankets away now”

Techno thought it was much too early too, as he tugged the sleeves of Wilbur’s hoodie down a little further so they could act like gloves. 

“Do you mind if I use your PC to try and find out what’s going on with my classes at some point? They'll probably send me an email or something” He grumbled, standing up so he could stretch his back out properly, following Phil slowly to the kitchen.

“That’s fine, it's up in my room, do what you need”

Breakfast was nice, it had been a while since Techno had had time for it honestly, and even longer since he had been able to eat with people he cared about. He had a couple slices of buttered toast and a bowl of some british cereal which he didn’t really like but he didn’t want to be rude so he ate it anyway. 

“You wanna stream together later?” Wil asked through a mouth full of food, earning a snort from Phil. This was nice. 

“Yeah maybe, you use face cam though, I’m not like against showing them my face but y'know, it is what it is” he shrugged, spooning another mouthful of his breakfast into his mouth, he had to admit it was very bland, he much preferred the sweeter ones that were more popular in America. 

“Well think about it, if you decide you don't want them to see you, you can always just sit off to the side and I'll turn my monitor so you can still see it. My office is big enough for it anyway, it’ll be like where Niki was during that one MCC remember?”

Techno nodded and carried on eating, they really were 3 very sleepy boys right now. Maybe he’d take a nap once he found out what was going on with his classes. 

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Streaming without any gameplay to comment about and with facecam on? Techno wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. That just didn’t really sound like something he was going to enjoy.

It was nerve wracking and he always seemed to glance at the camera too much when it was pointed at him. He knew the fans would be disappointed if he didn’t do it though, When Wilbur tweeted out saying that he and Phil would join him in a ‘you laugh you lose’ he watched as the replies freaked out. 

You could say he was just a bit camera shy, he wasn’t incredibly insecure, sure there were things he didn’t like that much but everyone had things like that, it just made him nervous to know that people were looking at him. 

He’d be okay with his friend’s though, he trusted that they’d never put him in an uncomfortable situation. He knew if he got overwhelmed he could sit outside the frame. 

It would be okay. 

“Hey hey chat” Wilbur mumbled into the mic, making it loud enough so that everyone could hear but it still sounded like he was whispering. 

“We’ve got the blade here, bet you weren’t expecting that huh chat? Or maybe you were, maybe you read the title of the stream, bet there’s someone watching who didn't think he’d be here though” he finally turned the music off and switched from his ‘starting soon’ screen to his regular camera. 

Wil went through the rules, it was the normal stuff, he added in some jokes here and there, prodding Techno and Phil to talk at times. They’d already agreed that this wouldn’t be for youtube, since that seemed to add a bit too much pressure for Techno, but hey, he still had to welcome his chat. 

“Okay!! First media share! Lets go”  

After a series of videos, some funnier than others, Techno had started to loosen up a bit. He was getting more comfortable with the camera and while he’d probably cringe while looking back at the footage, at least he was having fun right now.

He had a warm feeling in his chest that wasn’t usually there when he was streaming alone, sure it was usually fun but nothing was better than being with his friends while doing it, there was really only one person who was missing. 

As if on queue, chat started spamming Tommy’s name, for a moment Techno thought he had been mumbling his thoughts out loud, before he looked between Phil and Wilbur, who both seemed equally confused. Moving Wilbur’s mouse over the chat to pause it, Techno tried to read some of the messages. 

“Oh he tweeted something” he mumbled, pulling his phone out of his pocket without a care. Maybe some irl streamers would have used the computer but knowing Wilbur’s history, he doubted it could run Chrome and streamlabs at the same time. 

Looking at the tweet he felt a little pang of guilt. It was lighthearted and jokey but he knew there’d be a little truth to it. He nudged the other two and read it aloud to them. 

‘Damn guess I’m not a sleepy boy after all’

The air felt a little thick after that, they hadn’t meant to exclude Tommy; all of the excitement of Techno coming to stay had just made it a little hard to arrange to have Tommy here after all. 

Still, they probably should have still told him though. They were supposed to be each other's family.  

“Hey chat I think we’re gonna have to end stream early.” Wilbur finally piped up, deciding it wouldn't be right to carry on when they had hurt their friend, not that chat needed to know that though, he didn’t want to embarrass Tommy. 

“I feel kinda sick and I don't think you all wanna watch me vomit right? Yeah so it’s best we end it now” 

Techno sniggered to himself at that, in games Wilbur always seemed to be very cunning but he supposed he wasn’t very good at lying when it was about something he actually cared about. Said something being Tommy.  

After raiding Fundy, the trio hopped straight onto discord. 

Tommy didn't answer the first time he was called. 

Or the second. 

Finally, after three calls, Tommy decided he’d talk to them. 

“You are all a bunch of dick heads, you know that? What the hell! Why wasn’t I invited to the sleepy boy’s stream! Wilbur you bitch!” Through all the vulgar language and the constant yelling, it was clear that Tommy was genuinely upset. 

He had every right to be, as far as Techno was concerned. From his point of view his friend’s had just gone off and hung out without him. He just hoped he’d calm down once they explained everything.  

“You know I thought we were friends! I thought we were brothers! But if you don’t wanna hang out with a ‘kid’ you can just tell me and i’ll- i'll go!” He was still yelling, as usual, it was clear he was trying to make this into a joke where he could overreact but Techno noticed the small sniffles and the quiver in his voice. 

By the looks on Phil’s and Wilbur’s faces, they recognised it too.  

“Listen, Tommy” 

Wil was the first to talk, it made sense, it seemed that Tommy trusted him the most at times. Sometimes Techno could be a bit too cold and sometimes Phil could get a bit too overbearing.

Techno understood this, he didn’t take it personally, he knew it was only natural that you have people you trust with your emotions more than others. It didn’t mean Tommy didn’t love them just as much, just that they weren’t his ‘go-to’ when he felt down. 

Techno felt the same way sometimes. Feeling’s got complicated and personally he thought Phil was the best to talk to about that, the fact that he was older and had his life sorted out gave him a sense of comfort, like he could trust him because he knew what he was talking about. 

“We didn’t plan a meetup, it just sorta happened. Phil was at my place, helping me record, and then Techno’s Uni had a fire and he needed a place to stay while they’re making it safe again” Wilbur sighed as he heard Tommy moving on the other side of his mic. Techno wondered what he was doing. 

“We would have invited you, had we known that we’d all be in the same place Toms” 

Phil took over, giving Wilbur a little sympathetic smile. The brunette so obviously felt guilty about the situation. 

“But when we got the call from Tech’ it was past 3 in the morning and it was tipping it down with snow, as soon as we got home we all slept. We decided to do a stream this morning but never once did we intend to try and make you feel like you aren’t welcome with us” 

Finally it was Techno’s turn to talk...Fuck.

He wasn’t exactly the most sentimental guy, he struggled to show his emotions and he just assumed everyone he cared for just knew that he cared for them. He rarely had to say it out loud. God okay. He just had to swallow his pride and go for it. 

“Tommy you are a sleepy boy and you are our brother. We did kind of a dick move today and if I was you I’d probably be upset too. I know I didn't like seeing you guys playing without me during MCC and that wasn’t even any of our decisions. We should have called you or something. I know I kinda tease you a lot but that’s just how I show I like people. Listen Tommy if I didn’t care about you I wouldn’t be comfortable enough to make those kinds of jokes with you. It’s not funny if it’s hurting you though..”

Techno bit his lip, this wasn’t as hard as he had anticipated but it was coming out like word vomit. 

“You’re young Tommy but you’re so talented. We love you”

There was some more rustling, it sounded like Tommy was wiping his eyes. Maybe the boy had expected a yelling match, only for it to turn out to be very emotional. 

“I love you guys too.. If you ever exclude me ever again though I’m getting my vlog knife out”

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[radramblog]

Rating the letters of the alphabet

I feel like part of my style of comedy is just rambling about shit and making loose connections between things as part of an overall bit. I think. I’m no expert on myself, unfortunately.

The inspiration for the following absolute load of shite is trying to search Tiermaker for nothing. Like, no characters in the search bar. Didn’t come up with anything. Did a search for just a space. No dice. What about just a? Surely that’ll bring up everything with an A in the title. But it didn’t, and I was somewhat disappointed.

Then my head started writing bits about letters and that’s how we got here. This is probably really stupid, but maybe it’ll at least be fun. Wordplay is cool, though maybe not my strong suit? Anyway.

A: A is one of the two letters that’s also just a word, as you’ve just seen, giving it a necessary promotion in rank. Not a lot of things get to double up like that, though with the “an” ligature maybe it’s actually a double or nothing. But because of the confusing common connection crossing contexts for the character, it gets somewhat awkward to talk about the letter in conversation. An A, in my opinion, A does not get. 4/5.

B: B is also just a word letter but unlike A when you write it out you have to stick a few extra letters on to make it work, making it not as good. But B’s association with bees isn’t enough, because in the year of our lord, like, 2019 or something, it would become inextrixably linked with shite memes as the B emoji became king. And I just don’t respect that. It’s otherwise a fine letter, dragged down by its company. 2/5.

C: Oh come on now, the word doesn’t even have a C in it anymore! You can sea the see without any of our tertiary letter’s involvement whatsoever. Not to mention how its two main sounds are just copies from other letters wholesale. C must be confusing to non-english speakers, I’d imagine. C as a grade gets what C as a grade typically entails for many a schoolchild. 3/5.

D: It would be remiss of me not to give a sterling grade to the D. Why, none of us would be here without it. While many a youth may find the D to be quite a humourous subject, I assure you I’m taking it with the gravest of sincerity when I say the D has got to be one of the best letters of all.

And by D I mean deity, of course. Wait, what did you think I meant? 5/5.

E: The absolute absurdity that is the E meme elevates E efficiently enough to excel beyond many another vowel. However, it is also the single most common letter in the English language, going so far as to open the damn name. It’s to the point where someone made a point of writing an entire book without using it, and I think Gadsby is cool but mayhaps avoiding fifth uncial was a bit showy. I can’t help but mark it down for the sake of hipster cred. 3/5.

F: F is for Fuck. I like the word Fuck. F is for paying respects. I think the military-industrial complex has poisoned our cultural landscape to the point that a reference to one of its most prized productions’ awkward moments has become one of the most colloquially used meme letters in existence, And That’s Terrible. 3/5, I’m conflicted.

G: Man literally who the fuck cares about G. What is it even good for. Just an absolute waste of a letter, total shithouse. It’s NATO equivalent is Golf, the Worst Sport, too. Who asked for any of this? Just use a J instead, it’s cooler. 1/5.

H: I’ve seen “Hhh” used enough times in written forms of pornography to not consider it a Horny Letter. That and it, being short for Hentai, is often used to denote adult material in Japan. Basically what im saying is, I think this gets worse the less sex-positive you are. 6/9.

I: I think I’ve said enough about letter words already, but I is another high-tier one because like A I is just it’s own thing. It can also, however, be a bit confusing, looking just like an l a lot of the time, and having to constantly capitalise it is a pain in the ass. I also don’t have a particularly high opinion of myself, so a high opinion of I seems disingenuous. 3/5.

J: Clearly the best letter, hands down. I’m definitely not biased. There are so few letters as underappreciated by J- a fact many a person who’s had to do that “assign yourself an alliterative adjective” icebreaker game has had to reckon with. Because it appears to be a lot more popular with names than with words, and that just kind of sucks. 6/5.

K: K has in some circles managed to bump off its partner to become yet another letter word, though in a very informal abbreviated sense. However, when you’re looking into scientific fields, eventually said partner returns, having lost some weight on the trip down to absolute zero. This all makes complete sense in my head, and I’m sure is a lot less funny to anyone who doesn’t live there. 4/5.

L: I’d argue that L doesn’t cop its namesake. It’s a really useful letter, loads of words use it, especially in pairs, and my ADHD-brain thought it was fun to just say LLLLLLLLLLL for a bit while I was thinking about this so I guess that’s staying in now. Put me down as an L Lobbyist. 4/5.

M: Mmmmmm. M&Ms. But also it’s kind of a pain to write. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. 3/5.

N: I’d like to fight whoever decided we should have two letters that sound so similar right bloody next to each other in the alphabet. Actually, who the fuck even decided the alphabet’s order to begin with? Maybe it should go M to N, that’ll bloody show you. 2/5.

O: Our fourth vowel, and perhaps one of the underappreciated ones. O is similarly a letter word, but a much more common one considering its use as an interjection. It’s also one half of a very powerful letter combo, as we’ll see. 4/5.

P: There’s the other half. Many a joke involves OP as a phrase, whether it mean overpowered or original poster, and the letters’ adjacency is a lovely bit of serendipity. Whenever I say P out loud, on its own, I have to resist the urge to do some incredibly shitty beatboxing, which may or may not be a good sign. 4/5.

Q: I was going to write some very harsh words about Q, and its dependency on U, but then I realised that that is probably hate speech against the disabled. It still sucks, though. 0/5.

R: R is the one I am most struggling to think of things to say about. R is another letter that’s just kinda there. I’m sure the Roberts and Rachels of the world would disagree with me, though. It’s also the name of a program that I know has traumatised a lot of young biologist wannabes, slapping us with a whole pile of maths and statistics when we just wanted to look at cool plants and shit. Or in my case, cool cells and shit. 2/5.

S: The most overrated consonant, but also the thing that makes plurals not a pain in the ass. However I’m going to lean towards giving S a positive rating, if only because it’s associated with snakesssss (and serpentine characters who can talk) and I like those. 3/5.

T: I don’t think T gets enough credit as one of the pillars of the English language. A lot of very common words feature it, and yet it feels like it never gets the same level of credit as big shots like S or half of the vowels. T is like the character actor of the alphabet, is basically what I’m saying. 4/5.

U: Ah, the letter Americans hate for some reason. I think this is actually commentary on the history of American politics. Because throughout history, America has been extremely selfish and self-centered, while attempting to present a positive image that people are finally seeing past. They only entered WWI and WWII when it was convenient for them, they started wars and initiated coups in even their allies for petty ideological reasons, and they’ve gone to war with several countries and funded wars with several others seeming just for shits and giggles. Because apparently if you’re not an American, then you’re not one of them, and that means they hate U. 4/5.

V: I actually think V is underrated. It’s a fun sound. That’s it, no joke here. It’s neat, I like it. 4/5.

W: This may come as a shock to you, but double-u over here is actually two Vs! unless you’re writing in cursive, but fuck cursive. The French actually have it right on this one, naming it double-v (pronounced doobleh-vay). Add in the fact that it’s literally just M upside down, and you’ve got a pretty shite letter. 1/5.

X: There’s a reason literally every “A is for Apple” thing you see made for kids uses Xylophone for X, and that’s because there are no commonly used words that start with it. Seriously, it’s all just scientific terms- I’d argue X-Ray is more common than Xylophone in common parlance, but also, who wants to explain imaging to a kid. It doesn’t even get a second page of words on Dictionary.com. X also has implications as a letter word, that I’d rather avoid at the moment. 2/5.

Y: Ah, Ygreck, everyone’s favourite “what the fuck, France?” moment. Between that and being sorta kinda not really a vowel, Y prompts its own question more often than I’d care to admit. 2/5.

Z: As a (technical) member of the generation associated with this letter- on the one hand, I’m sorry, on the other, y’all have it coming. The final letter of the alphabet, one of the other ones worth 10 in scrabble (and yet X isn’t???), and one we probably got pretty sick of in the early 00s when it was everywhere- ironically, when most of the generation was getting born. 2/5.

And that’s the lot of them. I hope this didn’t alienate any non-English speakers too hard. It’s probably fine.

Join me for more bullshit next time I have another stupid idea. I mean, tomorrow.

[lannisterdaddyissues]

answer all 20 fma questions go. i am holding you at gunpoint 🔫✨

ANON YOU HAVE SAVED MY LIFE IM OBSESSED WITH U NOW JFDJSGJFSKGJ but please dont hold me at gunpoint who do u think u are riza hawkeye--

1.) What type of Alchemy would you use?

i'm currently on the pre-med track so medical alchemy would be cool!! but if i'd have to fight then i will cheat and say i can do lightning alchemy bc guess what its my fantasies and I GET TO CHOOSE THE ALCHEMY HEADCANONS but it would probably be related to water alchemy somehow since lightning comes from charged particles in the clouds. maybe i could primarily be a water alchemist and lightning is a subset of that!

2.) What would your state alchemist codename be?

hmmm im gonna cheat and decide yes i can do lightning shit bc i said so so i guess my codename would be something lame and on the nose like the lightning alchemist or the spark alchemist :/ im lame and useless like roy but on the opposite end of the spectrum because i can only use my alchemy when its wet or raining boohoo...

3.) Would you serve in the military?

yell heah their uniforms are sick! i would like to be an army doctor tho :/ idk about fighting other people and electrocuting them to ash. i would DEFINITELY be on edward elric's call list when the promised day comes around tho, i refuse to miss a chance to go toe to toe with a homunculus

4.) Alchemist/Engineer/Soldier? alchemist! maybe soldier. not sure.

5.) Would you commit the taboo? mmmmm yeah probably if i had sufficient motivation, ignoring the fact that it doesn't work because i would probably ignore that

6.) Favorite character? answered! it's roy :)

7.) brOTP? HYUROI!!!! their friendship is so so so so personal to me. i love it platonically and romantically, i love it in pre-canon and canon, i love it in an au, i love it no matter what. there has never been an anime friendship more personal and close to the heart than hyuroi

8.) OTP? ROYAI!!!!! it's been 7 years and i'm still utterly obsessed with them. how arakawa-sensei managed to make a tangible love story with two characters who barely ever touch and arent even allowed to look each other in the eye without getting arrested on suspicion of secretly fucking is beyond me. she is a genius

9.) Which theme song do you find yourself singing the most/the catchiest? either rain by sid (fmab op 5) or undo by cool joke (fma op 3)!

10.) FMA or FMAB? fmab by a long shot! fma is good as a standalone because you don't know what you're missing out on lmao

11.) nOTP? mmm i wouldn't exactly call this a notp but i don't really ship edling all that much even though it's popular. i don't actively dislike it tho. i do hate edvy though bc that's gross and whenever i see it i gag.

12.) Character you’re most like/relate to? winry! she and i both have our Special Hyperfixation™ (automail for her and medicine for me), and i felt a real kinship with her, esp in 03 because at some points she felt like an afterthought which i am used to feeling that way too. but she's always so optimistic and a little hot-headed with her friends which is definitely me!

14.) Who (which character) do you look the most like?

hehehe i also look a lot like winry if you mix her with catherine elle armstrong! just give me shorter hair and that's me!

15.) Black Hayate or Den? ...................black hayate :(

16.) Favorite deadly sin? answered! it's wrath/king bradley :)

17.) Who would you want as your parents? hohenheim and trisha bc they remind me of my parents in some ways! my dad is awkward like hohenheim but he could also totally kill god without breaking a sweat and my mom is totally a momma bear and she would fight anyone who messes with us

18.) Who would you want as your child(ren)? mmmmmmm the main three i guess? ed al and winry? i would also totally adopt baby pride/selim because look at that face... hes so precious

19.) Part that made you cry the most? i never cry at fiction but hughes' death is a given, and also rain (fmab op 5) definitely gives me the feels whenever i watch/listen to it

20.) Least favorite character? answered! it's a tie between shou tucker and envy :)

21.) Your favorite FMA AU? i love the various time travel fix-it fics on ao3 where ed goes back in time and fixes everything, but my hands-down all-time favorite fma au ever has to be the meaning of hyacinths by @starryeyed-char! (shoutout!) it's an au where hughes lives and roy "dies" instead of him and the writing is so EXQUISITE i cannot express to you in enough words how amazing and incredible this series is. it is absolutely a must-read. caveat that it's still being written and currently has eight parts, but the author plans to take it all the way to the promised day so just be patient for the next installments!!

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 41

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.6k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: hope the smut isnt too much lol! oh and, couldnt find the gif i wanted but this one will do. this chapter was fun to write and i dont think it was a filler chapter lol! only a few chapters left, im super nervous! at the same time, this story is getting less and less popular sooo idk, maybe its time? idk. if you read and comment and like and reblog, I LOVE YOU!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : posting them at the bottom because of spoilers!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 41 : His chapter

NIALL

May 15th, 2018

I was so close to ask her to marry me when we were in Spain. I kept looking at her ring finger, imagining what the ring I had bought would look on her hand, and telling myself that now that we were official, anything was possible, and I wanted it. I wanted the impossible, I wanted everything. The words "marry me" almost escaped my lips exactly 11 times and even now, I was wondering how I actually stopped myself from just doing it.

We were back in California for a few days and I had convinced her to spend her time in my house instead to go back to hers. Most likely, Louis was there with Eleanor or he was spending all his time at her place. Either way, I thought we were better at my house but I knew that eventually, she'd want to see Louis and get back in her stuff anyway.

I woke up and blinked a few times as the sun peeked through the curtains but not enough to light the room. It was dark but I could see clearly and when I turned around, I realized she was laying on her back, completely naked, and the covers were only hiding one of he legs. She was still asleep, her hair messy around her head, and I couldn't help but reach for my cock as my eyes roamed on her. I got on my knees gently, making sure I wouldn't make the mattress move too much, and let one of my hands run on her breasts while I grabbed my dick with the other, stroking it slowly. I rubbed my thumb on one of her nipples until it got hard and finally, I let my fingertips brush down her body to reach between her legs, her skin so soft against mine. Slowly, I moved one of her knees before letting two of my fingers run on her slit. The more I was touching her, the harder I was getting and I moved closer to her on my knees just to rub the tip of my cock on her nipple.

"Jesus Christ." I whispered before she moved lightly in her sleep, letting out a low whimper.

I stopped moving and waited until she did too to continue touching her, my heart skipping a beat. The sensation was incredible and it made me want to rub my dick all over her body. I turned my body slightly and reached for her lips with my dick this time, feeling myself get even hornier when she licked her lips. It brushed on the tip of my cock and I let out a low groan as my eyes fluttered. I knew the whole thing was turning me on more than it should and all I could think about was getting between her legs and pushing my cock deep inside her.

Instead, I reached for her pussy again, rubbing one of my fingers gently on her clit as I felt her get wetter. Her body jerked a bit and she moaned low again before I let out an other curse word and slipped two fingers inside her, moving them in and out of her extremely slowly. I could hear how wet she was and I felt my cock throb in my hand. I was so turned on by her that I could barely believe I was doing that but she was so gorgeous, laying there completely naked in my white sheets, and the way she made me hard was just un-fucking-believable. I finally moved between her legs very slowly only to rub the tip of my dick on her clit. It slid easily due to how wet she was from me fingering her and this time, she let out a louder moan as one of her legs twitched. I jerked off harder between her legs as I pushed my thumb inside of her and rubbed her clit harder with one of my fingers until I was closer to an orgasm and without thinking, I took my hand away and pushed the tip of my cock inside her. Her walls pressed around it and I knew she was waking up. I took my cock out as I felt an orgasm reach me, cumming a bit inside of her before spurting on her pussy.

"Holy fuck."

I let out a moan as I watched her pussy get covered with my cum and when I looked up, her lips were parted and she was staring at me.

"Did you just cum all over me?" she asked in a low tone, her eyebrows raised.

"I.. did. I'm sorry."

Her eyes fell on my still hard cock as I shook it slightly and she bit her bottom lip before spreading her legs apart more and reaching for her pussy. I looked at her fingers gather some of my cum and slide it down until her clit. She let out a louder whimper as she started rubbing herself with the vestige of my orgasm and I couldn't help but let out an other curse word.

"You should have woken me up." she pointed, her voice a mix of a whimper and a whisper.

"I know petal but you looked so vulnerable and hot just laying there, naked and asleep." I admitted, my eyes never leaving her fingers as she flicked them on her clit. "Fuck, you love rubbing your clit with my sperm?"

I didn't know if it was my words or just the fact that she was touching herself but she let out an other moan and her back arched suddenly. I brought one of my hands closer and once again pushed two of my fingers inside her as she kept touching herself and squirming on the bed.

"I want to watch you cum, darling."

It only took her about half a minute before she started shaking and when my named escaped her lips, I could swear I got dizzy and my vision got blurred for a few seconds.

"Oh fuck, Niall!"

Something stirred in my stomach and I just stared at her as she came, grinding on my fingers and squirming even more. When she came down from her high and relaxed on the mattress, I took my fingers out and slowly lied down over her. Her eyes were still closed and her lips were still parted as she panted. I brushed my mouth against hers and she whimpered as I felt my whole body vibrate.

"You did so well, petal. That was so fucking hot."

She brought her hands to my head, slipping her fingers in my hair, before kissing me deeply. I tilted my head slightly, tasting her as she whimpered in my mouth. I swallowed her moans and when i pulled away to look in her eyes, she sighed low.

"I don't want to go to work today." she admitted, raising her nose up and making an amused smile appear on my lips.

"You have to."

"I could call in sick?" she asked, her eyebrows raised and her face full of hope.

I laughed and shook my head, making her groan immediately. "Nope, you have to go. I'll go with you, how's that?"

"Better than nothing I guess."

I chuckled and got up, searching through my stuff to find clean clothes and when I glanced at her, my lips curled again.

"Stop staring at me and get ready. I'll make coffee and we can leave." The alarm on her phone started ringing as soon as I finished my sentence and I raised my eyebrows. "See? You have to wake up. Take a shower, I'll wait for you in the kitchen."

I heard her groan and turned around when I heard a sound only to realize she had tried throwing a pillow at me but had failed miserably. I laughed and shook my head but turned back around and reached the kitchen.

We ate toasts quickly as we walked to the car and remained silent the whole ride until we were there. We should both have gotten out of the car, I knew it, but instead, we remained sitting there, looking in front of us, and I kept wondering how we should act together. We were never the type to show too much affection in public. It happened before with friends around, or family sometimes, but not when random strangers could see. This time, we were with a lot of strangers and I was wondering if I should hold her hand or not. Should I kiss her temple sometimes? Or just go straight for the mouth? I didn't know anymore and if I wanted to be frank, I had never asked myself that question in any other relationships before.

"Ready?"

"No."

I frowned and turned to her but it took her a few seconds to look back at me. She sighed and shrugged before shaking her head a bit.

"Things have been particularly awkward with Dylan even since Heidi posted all those lyrics about us on instagram." she admitted, closing her eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them again. "We're filming the season's finale today and, I don't know, I'm nervous I guess."

"Anything special about the final episode?"

She stared at me, her eyes roaming on my face, and her lips parted. "His character is breaking up with my character."

We looked at each other in silence and after a while, I reached for her hand on her thigh and squeezed her fingers tight. I knew why it made her feel like this and I knew it was not only because of her relationship with Dylan being awkward. This scene was our scene. It was that day I broke up with her and tore her heart in pieces. I held my breath, feeling suddenly extremely exposed. I had no really realized before how big this was. Of course, I knew her tv show was inspired by our story but it just hit me that people were actually watching it, and I was wondering how many of them now knew almost exactly what had happened between us?

"I'm here with you. It'll go amazingly, trust me." I pointed out, knowing it was not the right time to have a big discussion about her writing. "Remember in Italy? I almost believed you were breaking up with me to go marry your ex boyfriend."

She chuckled a bit. "You totally believed it."

"Maybe I did." I quickly replied. "But only for a few minutes, because I believe in us, I believe in our love, and I believe in you. So you go in there and play that scene and show them how incredible you are."

Her lips curled a bit and she rolled her eyes before finally nodding. I smiled more and we got out of the car to walk in. I thought I'd see Dylan first but when my eyes met Heidi's, I felt my heart jump up in my throat, almost throwing it up. I felt Olivia tense next to me and I held my breath when she saw us. She sent us a big smile but I could read so much pettiness behind it that it made me grimace.

"Hi!"

I glanced at Olivia who frowned and licked her lips. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh you didn't know?" Heidi replied, her eyebrows raised and her lips curled into a satisfied smile. "I'm with Dylan now."

As if on cue, he appeared and stood next to Heidi but I noticed his eyes never left my girlfriend and it bothered me more than I wanted to admit. Of course, I couldn't expect him to just forget about her, after all, he was ready to marry her, but at the same time I wanted him to move on as quickly as he could. If that was to be done with Heidi then be it : i was ready to put up with her on the set.

"I hope it doesn't bother you too much." Heidi added, tilting her head and looking at Liv who sent her a smile back.

Dylan and I were just keeping quiet, not really sure what we were supposed to say or do, and I pushed both my hands in my pockets.

"Oh no, not at all. It's all good." Olivia replied with a shrug. "I mean, it's not the first time you run after one of my exes, you know? Oh! Maybe I could make you a list of all the men and women I dated? Would save you some time."

I almost choked on my own spit, not really expecting that reply. I knew what kind of person my girlfriend was but she had always played it low with Heidi because she knew it was not worth it. It seemed like this time, she had had enough.

I thought Heidi would answer something rude but instead, her facial expression changed into a surprised one and finally, her eyes got smaller. She was pissed, I knew it, but she'd never prove it to Olivia. She found her smile back and breathed in, wrapping her arm around Dylan's and looking up at him.

"Can you show me the set?"

He nodded and they left but he glanced back at us when he was farther and I finally sighed, turning to my girlfriend who was smiling. I thought she'd be a bit mad, or upset that her ex boyfriend was now with my ex girlfriend, but she didn't seem to care... until her smile fell down and she closed her eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong suddenly?" I asked with a frown, taking a step closer and wrapping my fingers around her arm.

"I just realized Heidi was going to be there for the finale." she admitted, looking up at me. "She'll... see all of it. She'll see how it went... between... us."

It was the very first time Olivia admitted that her tv show was about us and I licked my lips, feeling something stir in my stomach. I didn't care that Heidi saw it, but I cared that the whole world would.

"You shouldn't care about her. She's with Dylan just to get to you or get back at us. She's here to piss you off and make you feel like shit. Don't let it get to you. Don't let her win."

She turned her whole body my way and her lips curled slightly into a fond smile. Slowly, she got on her tiptoe and pressed her lips gently against mine. It took me by surprise but I just answered her kiss and when she got back down on her feet, she tilted her head.

"Liv, can I ask you something?" I asked seriously, licking my lips as she nodded, her smile faltering a bit. "I know your tv show is based on our story but... for the next season, could you change that?"

I was scared to hurt her but at the same time, it was something I just needed to ask. If she said she didn't want to, I would accept it, but she knew my private life was a big deal for me and when she started nibbling on her bottom lip, I knew she felt guilty. I could read it on her face.

"I'm sorry, Niall. I never thought people would connect the show with our story but that was stupid of me. I mean, when I wrote that, I thought I'd never see you again, so I sort of wrote to... let it all out, you know?" she stopped and sighed. "Of course I'll make it different. I'll think of a whole other story for the characters, and make sure it has nothing in common with our story. Except maybe... well, the fact that they're soulmates."

I smiled and nodded, chuckling slightly. "I don't know if they are, but I know we are."

                                                 ----

I wandered around the studio while they were filming, and finally ended up at the cafeteria to grab a bite. I sat alone and started checking messages I got on my phone when I felt a presence in front of me and looked up. I was not surprised to see Heidi but I was not pleased either.

"Niall, we need to talk."

I blinked a few times and licked my lips, not really in the mood to discuss with her, but I finally just sighed and put my phone down as she sat down. I noticed she was holding a sheet in her hands and it made me frown. I didn't have time to ask her about it, she simply leaned against the table to move closer to me and instinctively, I moved my upper body away from hers.

"You know you could have just called me." she let out, confusing me and making me frown. "I know you miss me, and honestly I think we should get back together. I forgive you, I know you were a bit lost and..." she shook her head and I was even more puzzled. "It doesn't matter."

I shook my head, trying to get my thoughts back into place but I just licked my lips again. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

She put the sheet on the table and pushed it closer to me. It took me half a second to realize it was my handwriting and after reading only a few words, I knew it was which song of mine.

"Wait, where did you find that? I thought I lost it!"

The song was not finished but as my eyes roamed on the lyrics, I had a bunch of ideas on how to actually complete it and I held my breath.

"I found it in my boxes... the ones from your place that you've had sent to my place." she explained, reaching out to put her fingers on top of my hand.

I stopped moving completely and my eyes dropped to our hands. I felt frozen in place, a bit startled by her behavior and not really knowing how to react.

"What are you doing?" I just asked, my eyes still staring at her fingers brushing gently against my hand.

"You're right. We should get back together, Niall." she added. "I mean, I know you're trying to make me jealous with her but let's be real. Who could really be jealous of her?"

Quickly, I shook my head and pulled my hand away from hers, mad that she would talk shit about my girlfriend again. "Do you even listen to yourself? You know damn well I'm with Liv and.. aren't you with Dylan? I love her, okay! I'm not trying to make anyone jealous, I'm just trying to love her the way she deserves to be loved... the way I failed to love her the first time. And you have nothing to do with any of this. What even makes you think I want to be with you?" I was frowning, getting pissed at her behavior, and I started wondering why I ever wanted to be with her in first place.

"Because of that song! You wrote it for me and put it in one of my boxes for me to find!"

I rolled my eyes, angry that she could even think I wrote one song about her.

"I wrote this about Olivia! I wrote that in the first week I saw her again at the bakery after not seeing her for over a year. It isn't about you, Heidi. It got in one of your boxes by mistake!" I explained a bit rudely, looking in her eyes to make sure she understood. "I love Olivia, not you. You need to let it go, okay? And those instagram posts you make.. For fuck's sake, Heidi! What's the point? Make me feel bad? Alright, I'm sorry I cheated on you, I should have broken up with you before and that was a mistake, okay? Now please, leave me the fuck alone."

Without giving her time to answer, I got up and left her by herself at the table before hiding in Liv's dressing room. I searched for a pen, my heart racing as I feared I'd forget the words dancing around in my head, and finally found one before leaning against the counter. I started scribbling fast, almost dropping the pen a few times as I held my breath. I scratched the first line and quickly replaced it to 'Maybe we are the champagne lovers' and went to the chorus to add a few lines, too.

'So come on love me when the lights burn low Meet me underneath the sheets Cause you got a hold of me baby, enough to pull me back in deep You used to love me when the lights burned low Now we’re tearing at the seams We've both had enough of this, baby, so promise me that when you leave You won’t say you’ll come back to me.'

I stared at the words and re-read them a few times before licking my lips. I was still lost in my thoughts when the door opened and I jumped a little, turning to see my girlfriend walking in. I sent her a fond smile and moved up from the counter as she wrapped her arms around me. I held her close, the paper burning on my fingertips, and kissed the top of her head.

I couldn't stop thinking about the lyrics and remembered exactly how I felt when I wrote most of the song. I missed her and I missed what we had. I didn't like where we were and I couldn't believe she was marrying someone else. The parts about sheets I had added reminded me of when we would hide under the covers and we had done it quite often in the past few weeks, making the whole meaning even more powerful.

"How did it go?"

"Not bad for now." she admitted, moving away. "But I think we'll film the rest an other day. It took longer than it was supposed to."

"Good, then maybe Heidi won't be there when you film the final scene." I suggested, raising my eyebrows.

"Hopefully." she replied with a smile before frowning. "What's that?"

My traits softened and I brought the sheet up again to read the lyrics. "A song. For you."

"Can I hear it?" she asked making me look up. Her eyebrows were raised and she was biting her bottom lip. She was so endearing that I almost said yes.

"Soon, okay?. I need a piano for this one."

                                                       ----

May 19th, 2018

Olivia actually slept a good part of the day and I ended up at the pub with Julia, who was back to California too since her tour was over. I had an other first part for the other half of the tour and I knew I was going to miss her dearly. It was not like me to be super emotional, but with time, Julia easily became one of my closest friends and traveling with her had been a blast. I couldn't pretend that the fact that she listened to me complain about my love life didn't help us to become closer but it would be a lie.

"Where's your girlfriend today? I wanted to see her." I felt my lips curl more as I looked at her and she frowned. "What?"

"Oh no it's just... hearing someone else call her my 'girlfriend' is very cool." I pointed out with a chuckle, scratching the back of my head, feeling a bit embarrassed. I couldn't believe I had said that.

"That's what she is now, right?" Julia asked with a small laugh. "That's what you've wanted for months. You've been complaining about it every single day!"

"What? Come on, don't exaggerate." I argued, raising my nose up.

"I'm not!" she laughed again before getting a bit more serious. "I'm very happy for you, Niall. Now it's time to move forward, you know?"

"Meaning?" I raised my eyebrows after taking a long sip of beer.

"Meaning... plan the future and don't fuck up."

I stared at her and nodded with a small smile. I knew she was right, and she was not the only one who told me to not fuck it all up this time. I really didn't intend to, and I knew I wouldn't. I had lost Olivia before, and I had learned from that. I was not going to lose her again.

I was a bit tipsy when I got back home but she didn't even notice me. I stared at her, wearing only one of my t-shirts and a pair of black panties, standing in front of the tv in the living room as old songs from the 90's played full volume in the background. I was pretty sure I recognized a Backstreet Boys song ending and just as I thought it couldn't be funnier, a Spice Girls song followed and she started dancing and singing very loudly. I started laughing but she didn't hear me because of how loud the music was and it made me happy to know I could watch her a few more minutes. She jumped on the couch and pretended to have a microphone as she sang the lyrics and tried to do the dance and when she just started dancing around my living room, I took a few steps closer and she jumped, putting one of her hands on her chest as if it would help slow down the beatings of her heart.

"Fuck, you scared me!" she let out with a chuckle after pausing the music.

I didn't say anything. I just stared at her with a fond smile, thinking of everything we went through and how much I loved her.

"Move in." I let out as she was taking a sip of wine.

She frowned and chuckled again. "What?"

"Move in with me. Here."

Her lips parted and her eyebrows raised before she let out the air from her lungs quickly from her mouth in a surprised way. She licked her lips and cleared her throat before putting her glass back on the coffee table and taking a step closer.

"Are you... sure you can handle that?"

I knew she was referring to the fact that we were different, but it didn't matter. Yea, she was messy and yea it was annoying, but it was such a small problem and I knew we could compromise. In fact, I knew we'd both be way happier if we lived together and I wanted it. I wanted it so bad I could feel it in my bones.

"Yes." I let out in a low tone. "I want your grumpy face in the morning. I want your way too sweet morning coffee... I-I want your mess all over my fucking house, Olivia. I want to smell you when I step foot here after a long work day. I want to start a life with you. I want you to have your own dressers, not just a few drawers in mine. I want to share everything I have with you. I want to share myself with you."

She pressed her lips together and swallowed and I could swear she was tearing up.

"I want all that, too." she admitted, tilting her head. "I want to spend my life with you, Niall."

My lips curled in a big smile. "Then let's take that step. Move in with me."

It took her about a minute but she finally just chuckled and shook her head. "Okay. Let's do this."

REQUESTS

(i changed the first one just a little bit hope its ok!)

[justdyingslowly]

1. Name justdyingslowly obviously come on

2. Nationality Australian

3. Age 22

4. Birthday nnnah dont feel like it

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) Libra/Scorpio cusp

6. Gender wamon

7. Sexuality very very hetero

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) androgenous

9. What do you/did you study? Psychology (focus on sexology) and art.

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I am disabled you think I can work ha sexologist would be awesome. When I was a kid I wanted to be a fireman but Australias always burning

-

11. Your birth order head first

12. How many siblings do you have? 1

13. Do you have good relations with your family? yeah dads finally out of his abusive relationship, nearing age 70 and his emotions and his sexuality are finally opening up for the first time and that makes me SO happy.

14. How many friends do you have? what kind of fucked up question is this.

15. Your relationship status relationshipped. Fiance? got the marriage papers in a drawer somewhere with the car rego but can’t be fucked filling them?

16. What do you look for in a SO? empathetic, mature, calm. Always open to discussion. Prefers to be blunt rather than secretive. Emotional age over 14 (incredibly fucking rare apparently). Puts an importance on context and understanding other views above all else.

17. Do you have a crush? Hellll yeah Crush on my partner and got a crush on a mutual friend of ours who don’t even know hes cute af hehe one day partners gonna accidentally spill the beans and embarrass me coz hes shit with secrets RIP me.

18. When did you have your first kiss? You think I can remember this bullshit? Its not that big a deal

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? One night stand sex almost exclusively sucks. Just. SUCKS. Because neither of you know what the other likes and it ends up being an awkward mix of trying to please yourself while trying to also be considerate.

20. What are your deal breakers? Plugging your ears to anything that feels gross, uncomfortable or disagrees with you. How can you grow as a person without introspection? How can you mold what you think and believe without taking in other arguments and comparing them to your beliefs to see how they stack up? Its pathetic.

-

21. How was your day? cute mutual friend had a fall this morning and were both worried about him. His back is bad and he’s getting a little older, he can’t be getting dizzy and having falls like that. other than that im anxious about seeing my gastro. He’s lovely but... specialists are specialists. Good at knowing what they know but not always great at listening.

22. Favourite food & drink you think im allowed to eat or drink? water and... foods a touchy subject.

23. What position do you sleep in? Usually on my side with a body pillow to grip so I don’t end up choking my partner in his sleep.

24. What was your last dream about? uuhhh...going to italy and being unable to get into this tiny basket boat properly.

25. Your fears does PTSD to medical shit count haha

26. Your dreams ... going to italy and being unable to get into a tiny basket boat thingy?

27. Your goals - get some sort of diagnosis eventually. Its been 3 years of trying and im tired. - get back to studying art part time for my bachelors. - pass JLPT N3. - go back to university for psychology. - do the dishes when I get home.

28. Any pets? two budgies. we also take care of any orphaned or injured birds.

29. What are your hobbies? feeling nauseous drawing writing a little bit im making a little gameboy game in C atm too

30. Any cool places in your area? i live next to a national park with waterfalls and koalas and emus and stuff

31. What was your last awkward situation? mutual friend made a comment on his chest i playfully smacked it (related to the comment) it was surprisingly hard “O-oh wow, thats... I didnt expect that” my partner laughed at me. it was awful.

32. What is your last regret? getting embarrassed at friends pecs stop making me think about it 33. Language/s you can speak english. N4 Japanese.

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) of course not what the fuck

35. Have any quirks? Quirkless. I do wiggle when im happy though apparently.

36. Your pet peeves open doors.

37. Ideal vacation spend a months chilling in an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice

38. Any scars? internal? yes

39. What does your last text message say? peepee poopoo ustinky

40. Last 5 things from your search history how do i find this

41. What’s your [device] background? Sam Porter Bridges walkin around Sam Porter Bridges cuddling BB-28 Louise while he sleeps my chicken

42. What do you daydream about? all might

43. Describe your dream home an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion its a comforting thought having a parent-figure who cares about you and looks after all the big things you can’t manage yourself, but institutionalizing it runs a severe risk of becoming harmful cults. And it often does.

45. Your personality type me

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done i saw the lost bunny that was on all the posters in the neighbourhood looked thin and patchy so i grabbed him to take him home. im allergic. sent me to hospital and I almost died.

47. Are you happy with your current life? feeling sick sucks and partners having a depressive episode but things are pretty good

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life living

-

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? blacks, reds, whites and pinks

50. Favourite colour to wear? at the moment pink. Red is always comforting though.

51. How would you describe your style? mix between lazy alternative punk, teenager with band shirts and harajuku peach kawaii uwu

52. Are you happy with your current looks? kinda wish i was a bit shorter but what can you do

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? bit shorter

54. Any tattoos or piercings? lol no PTSD

55. Do you get complimented often? by who? partner constantly, family haha are you kidding im australian so a friend’s version of showing affection is calling you a cunt and slapping your ass in public

56. Favourite aesthetic? all might

57. A popular trend that you dislike blocking because you disagree or find them distasteful. Ignoring all context to opposing thoughts and arguments. taking a personal feeling of disgust to mean something is evil. Blocking your ears to anything that isn’t a circlejerk of what you already think - and trying to isolate anyone who even just listens to something other then the noise of your sloppy dicks to have a thought of their own.

-

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with? The Machine by Low Roar

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like. why wouldnt i admit i like a song

60. Favourite genre? probably enka haha

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? probably enka haha oh and tatsuro yamashita

62. Hated popular songs/artists? why the hell would I hate something like a song? I hate aspects of the music industry as a whole I guess?

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 which playlist they aren’t all together in one place

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? piano, saxophone... uh... partners good at making music and playing shakuhachi

65. Do you like karaoke? no.

66. Own any albums? yes? many?

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? no. but triple J, ABC Jazz and Classical. sometimes they even play final fantasy and JRPG music on classical which is pretty neat. -

68. Favourite movie/series? can i make this about games because then the answer is Metal Gear Solid

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc ...shounen?

70. Your fictional crush/es if they’re over 40yrs old, male and happy and bubbily or grumpy and sad then there’s a big ol fat chance I wanna bone. Solid Snake from MGS4, All Might and pretty much anyone drawn by Tarou Madoromi.

71. Which fictional character is you? uh

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so what does this even mean what language is this

73. Favourite greek god? idk hades seems chill

74. A legend from where you live that you like the story of Tjilbruke is funny and good. all Kaurna stories are good.

75. Do you like art? What’s your favourite work or artist? im in a big egon schiele mood atm.

76. Can you share your other social media? no i am incapable

77. Favourite youtubers? many

78. Favourite platform? not too high up. actually i like being a little lower than ground level in corners.

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite? look i just want to say that MGS4 is the best one in the series and Death Stranding is phenomenally engaging.

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) these are all so goddamn definitive how can I pick? Oh wait the answer is One Piece

82. Do you play board/card games? I play DnD atm and know 15 yr old rules to Yugioh

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? that shit dosn’t happen here

84. Favourite holiday golden week coz its a week also easter because thats when all the glucose based sweets come back

85. Are you into dramas? what kind

-

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? no. thats called being a murderer.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? chill people out a bit. when people feel unsafe they get really depenfive and territorial and block their ears to everything, making in-and-out groups for themsevles that end up putting them in more harm.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? im disabled with a disabled partner. we arent funny sure we can survive normal everyday life when society is angled so sharply against us.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? id like to be a mimi spirit

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? spooky time

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? toshinori yagi

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? anyone healthy

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo that cursed one with the intense eyes and the hand

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true im me im not me im pee

-

95. Cold or hot? cold.

96. Be a hero or be a villain? both are distasteful ideas in reality

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? i can’t do either partner speak sin bad puns and its hell, these both sound about equal

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting. controlling time is eithe rmanipulative or lonely. shapeshifing is every other superpower at once.

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death? both are deeply upsetting ideas

100. ….. or …..? jiji or ossan? generally Jiji, but ossans can be lovely too.

[kyufiber-moved]

got any bl show suggestions?

abso-fucking-lutely i do !! i typed out this WHOLE thing then my computer crashed so this is my second time answering this ripskfjd

also i went in depth about everything so it got long, and imma put a keep reading!! here are some bl show recs:

love by chance ::

summary: pete is a popular and wealthy student who is very shy, which is caused by the fact that he is secretly gay. he meets ae, a fellow student and they quickly become friends. pete starts to have feelings for ae, but doesn’t want him to experience ridicule for being with a man, so he attempts to repress his feelings

my thoughts: this show is amazing tbh. one of my alltime favorite dramas ever ngl. it has 5 couples that are shown on screen (with small cameos from / mentions of tharntype), all of which are cute (except klano. we dont talk abt klano.) 

ending: mixed, depending on the couple. the main couple (aepete) has a happy ending, but three of the side couples have open endings, one of which is super angsty

sequel(s): there’s a second season coming out in february, in which the side couple that got the angsty ending (tincan) will be the main couple!!

where to watch: youtube

history 2: border crossing ::

summary: yuhao is rebellious and has a short temper. when he is approached by the captain and manager of the school’s volleyball team, he isn’t interested, but eventually ends up joining. he then develops a very close bond with the team manager, zixuan, which turns into something more than friendship

my thoughts: very very cute !!!!! i loved it so much omf. also the side couple is step brothers and although they don’t get much screen time, they’re still cute. also the kisses b/w yuhao and zixuan (despite 1 of the only 2 being in a dream) are F A N T A S T I C

ending: happy!!

sequel(s): there’s a 2nd season coming out sometime in 2020, but idk when. also it’s apart of a series called HIStory which has several different storylines, all of which being bl. they are not related to each other in terms of characters or anything, though, so don’t expect to see familiar characters ^^

where to watch: youtube

sotus: the series ::

summary: kongpob is a 1st year engineering student who stands up against head hazer and 3rd year arthit, who the first years feel is cruel / overly strict. the two start out as enemies, become friends, and eventually develop feelings for each other

my thoughts: no sexual stuff like many other bls, instead focuses on the romance part of it, the evolving relationship/friendship between kongarthit, the internal struggle of figuring out one’s sexuality, and the bond formed between students/friends/classmates. honestly?? storyline is gotdamn beautiful and i cried more than once just bc i was so overcome

ending: happy :)) (for all seasons and special eps)

sequel(s): there is a 2nd season titled sotus s: the series which takes place 2-3 years after the 1st season, where kongpob has become head hazer and arthit is now out of college and in the working world. kongarthit is also featured in the multi-bl special sequel titled “our skyy” which has special episodes set after the main official dramas surrounding various bl couples !

where to watch: it’s on netflix yeehaw ! but if you don’t have netflix it’s on youtube

together with me ::

summary: korn and knock are childhood best friends who meet again in college and, after a drunken night out, end up having sex. knock, who has a girlfriend, makes korn promise never to tell anyone about it and pretend like it never happened but you can’t hide falling in love forever :))

my thoughts: god SO much angst. it isnt an ep of twm if there isn’t angst smh my heart hurts watching it. BUT . it also has cute moments, funny af moments, and some SEXY AF moments . the sex / kiss scenes are unmatched bro . holy shit . watch the uncut versions too theyre even hotter i cant breathe 🥵 

ending: happy 

sequel(s): there are two “sequels”, one: together with me: the next chapter (which apparently wasn’t as good as s1 but i havent seen it) and then two: bad romance which features kornknock but the main couple is boyxgirl (and it aired first, but it’s set chronologically AFTER twm)

where to watch: youtube

theory of love ::

summary: third is secretly in love with his best friend, a straight playboy/manwhore named khai. he tries to stop his feelings, but is unsuccessful until he overhears something he wasn’t meant to. third, heartbroken, decides once and for all to stop loving khai- but just when third stops, khai starts.

my thoughts: anGST goddammit bl dramas love their angst huh. anyways i love the general plot of this and also like ? how aware the creators are of the plot sorta bc the movie flipped is a large af part of the show . also the kiss that ive seen ?? whew YES bro . also like before we get the happy ending there’s SOOOO much angst, even after they both know that they like each other ksjdf i haven’t finished it bc im mentally preparing myself 

ending: happy

sequel(s): n/a, but if you want another drama where these actors are together, puppy honey has the same actors as a the couple pick and rome (idk if they have a happy ending though?? i havent seen it)

where to watch: youtube

great men academy ::

summary: love is a girl who is a huge fan of vier, a boy who attends great men academy (an all-boys school). one day she helps an injured unicorn by a lake (dont ask BRO DONT ASK) who then grants her one wish: to fulfill her love. unfortunately, the unicorn interprets love’s wish differently than expected, and turns her into a boy. love decides to attend great men academy in her male form, but she must remember to return to the lake and submerge herself every night before midnight to turn into her female form again, or she’ll be stuck in her male form forever

my thoughts: this drama........ whoever thought of this plot was on crack or smth. s’cute though. all the male characters are members of 9x9 (including captain, who plays noh in lovesick) also the main lead ends up with the person everyone acTUALLY wanted him/her to end up with so . YAY FOR US. still a WEIRD ass plot though

ending: happy

sequel(s): n/a

where to watch: kissasian

honorable mentions:: 

bolded : watched/watchingitalics : unwatchedstarred *** : hasn’t aired yet

- until we meet again (only an honorable mention and not an actual rec bc i haven’t seen it yet so i don’t know as much about it, BUT i know it’s good)

- kiss me again (the prequel to kiss: the series and also good but not PRIMARILY bl, focuses on three het couples/storylines and then the one bl storyline, but petekao is still otp asf)

- 2moons / 2moons2 (2m2 is a remake with a little better acting, a different cast, and more focus on the side couples than 2m. it is NOT* a sequel)

- make it right: the series (a bit old and kiiiinda shitty but one of the classics. also the second season is a little better imo bc the characters look more mature and the cinematography is better but ! s1 is a classic. also very . VERY sexual pls god do not watch it without headphonessjfkds)

- love sick: the series / reminders (love sick: basically the first mainstream bl uhhh ever. not particularly good / bold compared to more recent ones but it paved the way for current bls so we Respect love sick. ALSO reminders: is a modern sequel type thing set after love sick 2 when phun and noh are in university. also :: features almost all the main couples/actors from love by chance but has no relation/isn’t the same universe)

- the stranded ( i haven’t seen this but i know it has some gr8 bxb relationship shit ! but it’s not the main focus of the show i believe)

- 2gether: the series *** (hasn’t aired yet, but looks juicy af)

- my engineer *** (also hasn’t aired yet but again . i am inTRIGUED)

[inkskinned]

literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips

source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole

just say “professor” either ur using the correct title for a person (will make them feel good) or you’re giving them a bigger title on the assumption they deserve it (which will make them feel good) and also prevents having to ever i mean ever use their names

talk at least 1 time a week in each class, aim for 1 time a day. even lecture classes. i fucking hate talking in front of more than 5 people, so what i would do is prepare a question about the hw/etc (even if i didn’t need it answered) to ask the professor after class so they saw me and got used to me and saw i was invested in their class. about 89% of teachers - if they see you try, they will pass you. i mean it’s literally that easy. i know people who went from like a c- but because they legit tried, their grade got bumped up to a b-. 

if u have to bring a laptop, pre-download the required material/screenshot it, and then turn off your wifi. it’s too easy to not listen.

physical writing will always give you more information recall over typing.

nobody cares about stupid shit anymore trust me they don’t remember that you were accidentally locked in a towel out of your room bc they have their own dumb shit that happened.... in college all the “cringe culture” turns into “god i wish that were me” culture ... wear ur onesie to a party trust me you make +800 friends and 799 of them will be girls telling you you’re adorable and they’d die for you

about locking urself out.... if ur like me and can breeze past post-it notes placed in obvious areas, don’t be a dumb bitch and rely on post-it-notes. while most schools offer 1 free lockout, dont rely on it - it once took 2 hours before someone could get to me. i was in a towel, which meant no phone. so like. anyway, what i do now is i put something on the handle of the door i have to open/unlock. i can’t just open the door w/out the thing falling down and making a loud “you dumb bitch unlock the door before u shower” sound. 

this works for all important don’t-forget it things. other obstacles i’ve used to remind myself to do something include: putting a chair with my wholeass posterboard in front of the door, an entire printer with a single piece of paper that just read “for the love of god check to be sure you have that essay”, and a recycling bin i kept forgetting to empty. guess what bitch finally emptied the bin once it was between me and a swift exit!

no offense and like the whole “it’s the best years of your life!” thing is great but in reality everything goes better scholastically when you treat it as “i came here to win, not to make friends.” i still did make friends, went to parties every weekend, was popular enough i’d be invited to several on one night - but i came there to win. when i put my scholastic life and my mental health first, i went from a 2.0 to a 3.98. yes you can, bitch.

you’re spending the money. don’t squander it. trust me when i say i know plenty of people who breeze through, bc you often can. but like. don’t. challenge yourself bc like. talk about an investment.

if you hate your major, change it. don’t make your life something you can’t stand. on that note, do NOT agree 100% to a track until you have at least some experience in the field. i cannot tell u how many ppl i know who got their whole masters/phd program done, walked into their new profession, and were like, Oh Fuck, I Can’t Live Like This.

college literally offers so many free things and if you’re not taking advantage of them whenever possible i get it but like. try to take advantage of them. this is everything from your gym (which probably has free classes dude) to clubs to like. sober events. these sober events are so ... fuckin good dude i’ve made mason jars with little plants in em... bee aviaries... candles.... go to the free stuff

oh ps on free stuff i wanna say about 4 of 5 days there’s free food on campus just look for things like job fairs, presentations, or discussion groups. also while you’re there at the job fair like. u know, go to the job fair in earnest

i took off 2 years to work and also to just. recover from my bullshit. and it took me 6 years and 3 schools to get my bachelor’s. it wasn’t easy but bitch i lived. there’s no such thing as “too long” to graduate if that’s truly what you want to do.

if on the meal plan, eat as clean as you can the first week. then introduce each part of the cafeteria’s possibly-food-poisoning-creating foods one at a time. give @ least 2 days between each experiment so you know for sure if you get sick what caused it. i literally never eat meat at school but you can still get sick off of unwashed lettuce/salad dressing that hasn’t been refrigerated properly/weirdass things you won’t even think of. this prevents like. dying in a public bathroom.

white loaf bread can be gross & boring. discount bakery section for your slightly chewy artisianal bread needs. if overstale, either toast it or dunk it into water and microwave it (unless u got an oven. use the oven if u can)

steal as many apples from the dining hall/events/etc as physically possible just do it they keep FOREVER and @ some point you’ll be like. fUCK i need a nutrition. ps if you’re keeping them in ur backpack (i wouldn’t keep more than 2) make sure to wrap w/a few paper towels so if you drop your bag you don’t get apple mush

write it all down bitch. “i’ll remember it” no you won’t. unless you are capable of remembering every idea on this list and in order, you won’t remember it. in general, if you write something 3 times, you will recall it correctly at least 80% of the time. i also read it out loud to myself, bc, you know, auditory recall

DO NOT just put your assignment at the top of your notes, unless you’re 100% sure that will work for you. in most cases, it’s much better to have a planner/agenda/place you expect to look for assignments. +7 points if you lie to yourself about deadlines and move them all up.

like not to sound too much like a DARE ad but like. if you don’t like it/don’t want it, don’t fuckin do it. the idea that “there’s nothing to do if you don’t party” is such bullshit. like i promise if you’re like “i am a grouch and want to stay in and binge netflix” about 45 ppl will show up in pjs like “bitch fullscreen it, im a grouch too.” there’s also like. the chance to just.... not overindulge. on wednesdays i have “wine wednesdays” where we sit around and drink a glass of wine while we do our hw. it’s chill and friendly instead of like. drink until u vomit. don’t feel like you either gotta slam the breaks or the gas pedal, is what i mean.

PLEASE know the signs of alcohol poisoning/overdose. most schools have a “Safety Always Matters Most” policy, which means that you can call for help w/out getting into trouble. if you think someone is in danger, act. this also goes for making sure ppl get home safe even if they’re just incapacitated, not poisoned. step in, dudes.

also just. notice when ur starting to rely on stuff too much. i’m super easily addicted to things, so i keep a healthy distance from liquor. i don’t let myself “drink to feel better” bc that’s a scary, scary thing to link to feeling better. if you or somebody u know starts drinking all the time/gets anxious if they don’t drink/drinks in the daytime .... get help. schools have counselling services for a reason.

you’re gonna get a cold/flu of some sort in the first 2 months just brace for it. in the meantime, drink vitamin c, try not to touch too many handles, and when people say “there’s something going around” believe them.

watch kaplan nike just do it 

if you can teach it, you know the material. a super good way of knowing if you studied the right way is to try and teach the material to a stuffed animal/imaginary class.

“i don’t know how to study” bitch me too the fuck. this is usually bc we’ve been taught that studying is just sitting down and staring @ ur notes. it’s not. it’s different for everyone, and you need to understand it’s 99% preventative care. if you don’t go to the class or do the homework, studying is going to fucking suck, bc you’re learning the material all at once for the first time. the place you should consider “studying” is “i’m confident in 70-90% of the material, but need to review.” do not let yourself fall behind .... just go to office hours and ask questions if ur not getting something. studying should feel like you’re remembering what you already knew but kinda forgot, not like you’ve been blindsided.

the whole “writing it down in ur own words” while u have been told this 700 times it really helps bc it means u gotta translate it through your own understanding. if you can’t, and it’s not bc the material seems too obvious to you to state in another way - ask yourself if you don’t understand the material. chances are u are missing a bit of info.

i know it’s like A Thing that Some People do but i never had the mental health points for it but i know some people just take 15 minutes after every class to review their notes. since i’m 100% early to every class ever, obnoxiously so, i try to do it before class. having the last class’s notes up in my head super helps. like. put down the phone i know you’re socially anxious me too but review those notes. chances are if u start flipping through pages other ppl will too. this is also fun bc as soon as you start this whole thing, at least one person will be like “is there a test?” no bitch there’s no test but im gonna be ready when there is!

literally so much of success is fucking posturing i could link about 800 peer-edited studies that show that when a student is expected to do well (and knows they are), they do well. like i literally didn’t change my appearance at all, never bothered to look nice (once winter hits i wear 67 layers all the time), but when i showed up after my 2 years off from school, i presented myself with the whole “i came here to win” vibe and people... really respected me? i mean in hs i remember ppl saying shit like “yeah, well, you aren’t gonna have the homework”. by the time i was in college i had an honest-to-god conversation which included someone being like “so tell me what you’re overachieving at right now” like they just expected it from me. wild.

i live by “bite off more than you can chew, and then CHEW IT” but it’s probably unhealthy. the truth is that i have a lot of energy all the time (lmao adhd!!!) and i used to get told i was “trying too hard” and for a long time (still???) i didn’t (i don’t?) know what that was, you know, bc i had a D average, clearly i wasn’t trying. it turns out i was just. putting all my energy into stuff that wasn’t making me happy like toxic friendships etc. when i decided “nope, all this energy is for me and my schoolwork”..... uhhhhh suddenly i was a golden child and everyone praised my try-hardness ... it’s a fuckt up system tbh

take at least 1 class just for fun. i try to do that every semester. it helps break up all the requirements. if you’re like an engineer and got no time or credits left to spend, try to audit your fun course.

make ur advisor love you i don’t care what it takes make them cupcakes show up to thank them i dONT CARE just do it 

the library isn’t always the best place. if i start getting anxious bc i pavlovian train myself that library=work, i find a new place to go to do hw. try to go outside if you can!!! not like where i live bc like it’s snow all the time but try. a little green really really really helps depression. 

if you’ve been in the same “Studying” place for 1 hour and haven’t done anything the chances are Something Isn’t Right. first, look @ ur body. are you not focusing bc of some pressing physical need? sometimes just taking a shower and coming back helps. are you uncomfy? are you too comfy and going to sleep? if body okay, look @ the material. do you not understand it? do you just need to switch to a new topic for a little bit? can you find a youtube video that will help you better understand it? make notes on what you don’t get so you can ask in the next class. if it’s not the material, it’s not ur bod, check the Actual Space. sometimes just getting up, going for a short walk to a new place, and trying it there actually? really works? if none of this is working.... try ur brain next. hardest to reset bc like, what, turn it on and off again? i use things like caffeine, a short workout, a nap, or a podcast all to just... give me a little boost. 

don’t be afraid to leave. i mean this about class, friend groups, and the college ur at. just get up on outta there if ur not feelin it. i cannot recommend “drop the class” enough. even if it’s a required course see if u can switch the times if u hate the professor day 3 it’s not gonna get better just get the fuCK out

don’t nap in the same position u go to sleep in, nap upside down w/ur head away from ur pillow. don’t ask me why but it works to 1. fall asleep faster 2. make sure u sleep okay at night and 3. wake up less annoyed 

on that note don’t ever do anything in ur bed in a sleeping position unless it’s genuinely sleeping in it. body will get confused. just sit up, lazybones.

when/if the library has those therapy dogs during finals week.... just go pet them make the time for it

ask before hugging people, but don’t expect a “yes”

get a backpack that fits and doesn’t hurt ur back u fuckin hippie idc how cool it is to wear ur backpack super low just don’t do it it’s not worth it

the tutoring center is a fucking goldmine.... free essay edits my dudes

bring a fan dorms are always hotter than u expect

switch dorms if u can if u realize ur in the wrong room/wrong roomate like just don’t bother with nonsense

when in doubt, follow preschool rules. tell ppl when they did something cool, just ask when u need help, and be confident even in your mistakes, because at least u tried

[shijiujun]

history3 ep 6 - i’m sorry

HAHAHA gosh okay so there’s this thing - i get a deathly case of secondhand embarrassment and WOW this ep’s restaurant scene is the epitome of that and i couldn’t make myself go through it and had to quickly press press press the fast forward button to get to the end because obviously shao fei has no idea what he’s doing and tang yi is totally like regretting his decision to come out and eat with shao fei so I’M SORRY GUYS I REALLY CAN’T TELL U WHAT HAPPENS IN THE SCENE OTHER THAN SHAO FEI AND TANG YI ORDERING FOOD

but i did make myself sit through the part where shao fei moves over to sit on tang yi’s side of the table and tries to feed him. i can see the total regret on his face.

LOL okay i think one of the touching parts of this episode is when shao fei returns to the team and he’s obviously scared of police chief, so he asks the girl junior who obviously has a crush on him where the police chief is, and if he’s in a good mood today - police chief appears right behind him and yells “not good!”, and shao fei tries to get out of it by 1. reminding police chief that he should concentrate on his daughter’s (i think, pls correct me if im wrong) wedding rather than his SMALL little mistake 2. he’s still sick, running a bit of a fever and his arm hasn’t healed BUT obviously police chief doesn’t give two shits and hits him where it hurts

police chief: “the previous time you wrote 3000 words (for his apology/reflection letter) and you obviously haven’t learnt anything, this time you wanna write 5000?”

shao fei: “oh come on, you can’t just increase the word count from 3000 to 5000 at a go!”

and then police chief drags him to interpol and the head/chief there to apologize for jeopardising the operation they were on, and obviously the chief ain’t happy with shao fei, calling him impulsive and unthinking of his actions as he not only jeopardised the previous mission for thailand, but this one as well - police chief, awwww he’s a softie and obviously cares about shao fei a lot despite how much he yells at him, says, “sir, shao fei is actually very hardworking and serious about his job”

to which the interpol chief threatens police chief, that if he doesn’t control shao fei, he’ll go to their bosses and tell them that they aren’t working together anymore and replace the investigative team with another one, so police chief has no choice but to promise that this is the last time that shao fei will do smth like this again

and awww outside, police chief smiles and praises shao fei for not talking back to the interpol chief, and shao fei admits that he was at fault, and then cheekily says that, well the interpol chief isn’t police chief - police chief scoffs and goes: “so you’ll be obedient in front of him but because it’s me you always talk back and argue with me?”

cue the light hitting again, and shao fei says that’s not the case, it’s because he knows police chief is the best, and thanks him for having his back inside, and police chief obviously is happy but pretends to be irked - awwwww they obviously care about each other a lot and police chief has a soft spot for shao fei despite everything - of course, because with the way shao fei works i’m not sure if i was boss i wouldn’t have like gone out of my mind

they return to the cafe/restaurant the previous mission was at, before shao fei and tang yi were kidnapped, to see if there are any clues as to who abducted them both and just as shao fei is talking to zhao zi, he turns around and catches sight of chen wen hao - and okay he’s cute but srsly what would him yeling at chen wen hao and catching up to him do at this point? of course chen wen hao leaves before they can catch up to him

whoooo cool mob boss tang yi - i’ve got to admit that chris wu in this role is damn excellent and he’s got the mob boss vibe in this case - he asks jack if he’s found out who abducted/attacked him, and jack says he needs a bit more time, and tang yi goes: “i hope i won’t be waiting too long.” 

they get to the store and LOL as expected shao fei is there waiting for him with a GAUDY AS HECK SUIT OMG FLOWER PRINTS SHAO FEI FLOWER PRINTS AND TANG YI IS LIKE “it’s not suitable” and okay fine shao fei you win with that cute pout

so shao fei puts the suit back on the racks and thank god, and you can see that tang yi, consciously or unconsciously, is super amused by him. at this point i don’t think tang yi likes him that way yet, but he definitely has a soft spot for him whether he knows it or not - anw tang yi smiles and sits down and asks: “so what is it today? did you pick up something else of mine? or are you going to bring me for ‘coke + add spicy’ (referring to the earlier scene where they’re eating and shao fei is feeding him right, basically while i was avoiding the scene as much as i could, shao fei was showing tang yi (against the man’s will LOL) how to eat spicy food and then washing it down/adding to the effect with coke)?”

anw gosh shao fei always asks the same questions, so he asked if tang yi really had nothing to do with wang kun cheng’s death, and then to catch tang yi’s attention he says that he’s figured out who abducted/attacked them that day - that it’s chen wen hao and shao fei (correctly) guesses that tang yi was there that day to catch a glimpse of him after getting word that chen wen hao might turn up

tang yi, as always, neither confirms nor denies, just asks: “why are you saying all these?”

shao fei bb basically points out that tang yi more or less challenged and fucked with chen wen hao directly, and shao fei doesn’t want tang yi to be defeated by the man so early in the game, and tang yi is like “i’m not worried”

shao fei goes to sit next to him and i like that they’re really quite comfortable to the extent that tang yi aint like about to throw him off the couch and shao fei just does it without thinking of the distance between them - and omgahhhhh he stares at him for so long, and when tang yi asks what he wants to ask for real, shao fei simply sighs and says, “these past 4 years, no matter what i asked you, you always have this (poker) expression and i’ve resigned myself to the fact. i’d rather do my own investigation and find out, or.... wait for you to want to tell me.”

OH MY GOD THAT’S KIND OF... THAT’S TRUST MAN. THAT’S TRUST. and okay i may be reading too much into it but i think tang yi seems a bit surprised and touched in a sense, maybe that shao fei actually does know him q well or that shao fei actually left it at that instead of persisting in asking him questions, either way MY HEART-

shao fei goes back to the station and the team is having a meeting - they’re doing another undercover stakeout thing at a bar and police chief singles shao fei out and reminds him that he better do his job properly this time - and his cover is gg to the club with the junior as couples and LOL the club scene - i think wearing the couple pink shirts are like the girl’s idea, and shao fei is like: “isn’t wearing this a little bit ridiculous” YES SHAO FEI IT IS pink shirt and striped long sleeved underneath?!!!!! gosh

and whooooooo wow i gotta say, tang yi has got fine taste in friends - the FWB guy he’s with, he looks pretty good in that top and lol shao fei’s face when he sees tang yi come in with the dude - okay so the guy right, aside from being tang yi’s FWB, i think he also occasionally helps tang yi with his requests for e.g. in this case, tang yi says to him while playing darts that he wants him to find out who attacked him, and the guy goes, “you’ve only just come to see me and you want me to work :(((, didn’t you miss me?”

and tang yi is like, “you sure you want me to drop by often?”

pretty guy rolls his eyes and goes. “whatever. everytime you’re here trouble occurs”

and okay i think tang yi sees shao fei, and anw the junior leans real close to shao fei and drops the information that tang yi is very popular, and he sleeps with both women and men and look at shao fei’s JEALOUS FACE THERE’S NO MORE ESCAPE FOR YOU

AND OMFGGGGGG TANG YI - UNEXPECTEDLY HE SAYS SMTH NICE ABOUT SHAO FEI - okay so while tang yi and pretty guy are dancing together, pretty guy also mentions that chen wen hao met someone at the cafe/restaurant place, and tang yi smiles and says that he knows already, and pretty guy who i’m pretty sure is tang yi’s occasional informant for information, he’s like, “you already know? who told you?”

and tang yi just smiles, and pretty guys KNOWS he’s like “you’re such a player, did you find another guy? that guy is better than me?”

ANOTHER GUY REFERRING TO SHAO FEI, AND TANG YI SMILES HE’S ALR IN QUITE DEEP BUT HE DON’T KNOW IT YET, BUT HE SAYS, “that person, he’s impulsive, stubborn, troublesome and childish, but...”

“...he’s pretty okay.”

HE’S FOND OF SHAO FEI LOOK AT HIM YOU CAN’T TELL ME THAT HE AIN’T FOND OF SHAO FEI OKAY and pretty guy hears it too, he says, “well it sounds like the both of you get along pretty well.” AND TANG YI DOESN’T FUCKING DENY IT WHICH MEANS HE AGREES!

anw they catch sight of each other and tang yi idk what he wants to do but he deliberately like caresses pretty guy’s waist and then shao fei COME ON YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT KINDERGARTEN NURSERY SCHOOL STUDENT HUG and of course tang yi is like hah, lemme just kiss the dude

and woohoooo the bad guys turn up and the entire team is on alert including shao fei - i think tang yi didn’t know that he was there for an assignment until he saw people moving around and okay MAY I MAKE A COMMENT ABOUT HOW DAMN OBVIOUS THEY ALL ARE ISN’T THIS A COVERT OPERATION AND THE CLUB IS SO DAMN SMALL ANY ONE WITH EYES WOULD’VE SEEN THE COPS FROM A MILE AWAY

soooooo... hope you guys have seen the previews for next week’s episodes 7 and 8 and FARKKKK i can’t wait - shao fei is jelly that tang yi is chummy with pretty guy and i guess hong ye as well, and he’s going to be even more embarrassing at least for the next two episodes, but the good news is the plot has moved and next week shao fei is moving into tang yi’s place OMGGGG and we get more jack x zhao zi!!!