#1 bad for every time he jumps off ;)c - doc

[rhadko]

all my favorite songs - weezer art by my good friend doc!

[yunatheintrovert]

shot through the heart (and you’re to blame) | Chapter 3 [Russell Adler/Female Bell!Reader Soulmate AU]

As you listened to the familiar gradual crescendo of Morning Mood overlap with the regular hiss of your oxygen mask, you looked around the darkly lit interior of the C-130. Red netting that comprised the seats stood out starkly against the dark interior. It was certainly uncomfortable but nothing you haven’t dealt with before. 

Aside from the several MI6 operatives sent as support for the operation, Belikov and Sims were seated next to you while Adler was seated across from you with some files in hand. Although, you didn’t know how he could read them in the darkly lit cabin while also having sunglasses on. 

You almost wished you brought sunglasses like Adler always did. The harsh desert sunlight was going to be quite the shock. But you were never sure how the hell he kept those things on his head. He somehow managed to do that in Cuba. 

Speaking of the man…

“How does he do that?” you asked lowly, well as quietly as you could in the cabin of a C-130 Hercules with an oxygen mask on and a walkman blaring Morning Mood, “I always see him with a cigarette yet he’s doing fine up here.” 

“Doc?” Sims replied before adding, “He knows how to handle hypoxia. Hell, he was one of the first in our unit to go through with HALO jumping in its experimental days.” 

You recalled that from your “memories” of being on Adler’s team in MACV-SOG. That did come up once in a conversation. Although, like everything else that “happened” in Vietnam, it was foggy. 

Truth be told, you were a bit envious. 

Adler could be a chain smoker and take only a quick breather with the oxygen mask while you and the rest of the team had to breathe through an oxygen mask for most of the flight to flush out nitrogen in the body. 

You must have trailed off into your thoughts at one point as you felt an elbow nudge you out of your thoughts. You glanced over at Sims only to notice the very topic of your idle thoughts staring at you. 

You stared at him for several moments before simply blinking. You were too tired and hungry for this especially after Lazar spent a whole 30 minutes talking with Sims about quarter pound burgers...

“Anything I can help you with, sir?” you asked tiredly. You saw his hands move minutely as if he wanted to take a drag from a non-existent cigarette. 

Habit, you thought vaguely. Military plane transport rides must be quite annoying to him since he couldn’t smoke in the military transport. 

“I had a friend in Vietnam,” Adler began abruptly with his voice taking that familiar turn you heard before, “His canopy got tangled after a collision with one of our own during terminal. He ended up in the treetops. Alive though that wasn’t a damn mercy.” 

...Really at this point, you weren’t sure if Adler was conducting psychological warfare on you or not. 

“...that’s uh unfortunate,” you said awkwardly, not quite sure of what exactly to say to that story. 

Especially since the very thought of crashing like Adler’s buddy was something you were trying to keep off your mind. 

You really were just too tired for a sudden story time with Adler, especially since you couldn’t figure out his angle like this. You’ve pulled all-nighters before back in your desk job at Langley but you had caffeine. Coffee had not been offered in the outpost and most of the team was going through caffeine withdrawal...hard. 

Well, Belikov was fine considering how he primarily drank tea in the morning but you and Sims on the other hand...

“I wasn’t finished,” Adler stated before adding as if simply stating a fact, “His radio wasn’t working. He was alone and panicking. You won’t.”

Oh . 

“...Understood.” was all you could quietly say as you turned your head to the side, suddenly finding the cargo box of M16s to be quite interesting. 

Perhaps if you had a heavy dose of caffeine, you’d have come with a more clever response to Adler's apparent vote of confidence or...support? You really didn’t know. 

Things really did seem simpler the last time you were on his team. 

Regardless, as you heard the pilots announce over the intercom about the approach to the drop zone, you couldn’t help but feel steadier. 

It was time. 

Watching in a trance

The crew is certain

Nothing left to chance

All is working

Trying to relax

“Bell, my friend!” Belikov said rather cheerily while adjusting the straps of his harness as if he wasn’t just about to jump from a plane 30,000 ft in the air, “You ready for this?” 

“...You’ll get my life insurance benefits.”

And really that was an answer in and of itself. 

All that earned you was an amused laugh by Belikov and a slap on the back as he cheerily said, “Just aim for the bushes!” 

As you chuckled at his jest, you vaguely noted that your own harness was a little too loose as it had shifted from the simple action. 

Up in the capsule

"Send me up a drink."

Jokes Major Tom

The count goes on...

“There is always the reserve parachute, да?” The light-heartedness in his voice made you couldn’t help but relax minutely. Although, you couldn’t help the giddy feeling that had nagged at you since the start of the plane ride. 

There were numerous possible scenarios where the reserve chute failed that ran through your mind at that moment: mispacking, entanglement of both the main and reserve parachutes, premature activation of the AAD...

And really it wasn’t quite the possibility of death that scared you as much as it was surviving a bad fall and dealing with the injuries...and the health insurance afterwards. 

The medical bills for the gunshot wound courtesy of Adler nearly made you go broke. 

“Well, at least I’ll die to the sound of Major Tom. There’s worse ways to die.” you murmured to yourself with Belikov looking curiously at you. 

But all you did was simply nod at Belikov as you busied yourself with getting the harness properly fitted to your form. 

Like Lazar, the man always had a way of lightening things.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sudden sounding of the alarm. You noticed the light at the ramp turned to yellow for standby. 

The pilots were about to give the go-ahead for the drop. 

As you fell into line with the other operatives of the operation field team on standby near the ramp, you fidgeted with the straps of the oxygen mask on your head as well as the harness before checking the jump bottle attached to your harness. 

“Alright, guys,” Adler curtly said, “You know the drill. Keep the formation tight. I don’t want to see anyone trekking through the desert for miles to get to the satellite site.” 

Somehow, you felt that last bit was directed at you with how the man’s gaze lingered on you for a moment before looking over at the others. 

And you could tell the others felt the same way. The MI6 members were already looking at you as if you were the “problem child” of the group. 

Truthfully, you expected that, considering your rather...notable past even though you could only recall a handful of memories from it at best. 

If there was a bit of a bounce in your step as you lined up with your assigned group formation at the ramp, well you certainly weren’t going to pay no mind to the looks it may garner. 

You were going to be jumping out of an airplane at 30,000 ft while listening to Major Tom. 

Fewer pleasures in life , you told yourself. 

With a beep over the plane’s intercom system and the switch to the green light, the first cracks of painfully bright sunlight streamed into the dark interior of the plane. 

The glare of the desert sun only got more intense as the ramp fully unloaded. You could see the cloudless, clear blue skies and yellow sand dunes being akin to small yellow hills in the distance down below. 

As you followed the MI16 operative in front of you to the now open ramp, you took a deep, steadying breath through your oxygen mask. 

It was time. 

You secured the glasses on your face as you motioned silently with your free hand, signalling the countdown of Major Tom to yourself. 

4

3

2

1-

And on a wing and a prayer, you let yourself just fall .

Earth below us

Drifting, falling

Floating weightless

Calling, calling home…

You could feel your heartbeat thudding in your chest as your stomach dropped. The adrenaline rush was similar to your previous jumps. 

Although, you didn’t quite feel this...giddy. 

Looking down, you read the marked dials of your altimeter at your wrist. 

29,500 ft. 

All you had to do was follow the “leader” or rather navigator in this case and make sure the parachute was deployed. If shit hit the fan, well...there was always your automatic activation device to deploy the main or reserve parachutes. 

You vaguely noticed the sharp hiss of the oxygen mask as you took each and every breath became louder and louder. 

Even as the low music in your headset- secured by your helmet -played the verses of Major Tom , you could still hear the whistling of the wind in your ears. 

“Approaching drop zone.” you heard the navigator’s voice come over the radio. As you listened to the confirmations over the radio by the other operatives, you shook your head idly. The whistling of the wind was triggering the ringing in your ears apparently. 

Second stage is cut, we're now in orbit

Stabilizers up, running perfect

Starting to collect requested data

"What will it effect, when all is done?"

Thinks Major Tom

You looked down at your altimeter yet again only to see a blur of red, orange, and blue at your wrist- 

And suddenly, there was a flash of light before your eyes. 

Back at ground control

There is a problem

"Go to rockets full."

Not responding

"Hello Major Tom

Are you receiving?

Turn the thrusters on

We're standing by."

There's no reply

________________________________________________________________

You vaguely registered the static of the radio in your ears. 

“We’ve got a job to do, Bell-”

“Wake the hell up!”

You blinked. Why the hell was Adler calling you on the radio like that? You had only blinked for a split second-

And then you looked down at your altimeter. 

4,000 ft. 

What...what the hell-

“ Your main chute is fucked, kid. You need to do a cutaway with your hook knife-” Yes...your hook knife. You reached over to the harness straps where you pulled the hook knife out from the pocket there. 

“Yes, good, now cut the lines.”

You blinked. 

There...there were a lot of lines. 

Almost like that of a cat’s cradle game...

“Bell, focus.” 

You were already sawing away at the tangled white lines of your main parachute. They were twisted so at least you sawed several out in one go-

“2,000 ft.” 

“...sir...I uh dropped my hook knife.” you said hazily with a sheepish laugh. 

“Then use your other knife.” 

Oh . 

“Yessir.”

It really was supposed to be simple. But really reaching for the knife in your thigh holster was an awkward affair when falling at terminal velocity. 

You brought your knee closer up to yourself as you reached for the knife. Suddenly, you felt the world spin-

“Bell, you’re going sideways. Get the knife. Now.”

You felt the firm handle of the knife as you quickly brought it up to the lines above you and dragged the edge across the parachute cord lines. 

“1,000 ft. Hurry the fuck up, Bell. Your AAD will deploy at any second now.”

Your AAD...oh fuck . 

How the hell had you forgotten about that...

4, 3, 2, 1 Earth below us Drifting, falling Floating weightless Calling, calling home...

On a hope and prayer, you sliced through the last remaining line and just prayed that the reserve chute wouldn’t get entangled on the main parachute you had just cut away. 

700 ft. 

Belikov , you thought with resignation, I sure hope you get my life insurance benefits . 

And just like that, you felt like a Soviet heavy soldier had just suckerpunched you with a cinderblock. 

Across the stratosphere A final message: "Give my wife my love." Then nothing more

________________________________________________________________

You stared down at the-relatively-solid ground beneath you. The grains of sand were hot to the touch even as you wore gloves. 

Were you dead…?

Suddenly, you felt a hand wrench away the oxygen mask you wore. You looked up into the blazing sun only to squint and see a dark figure.

There was the distinct smell of nicotine and smoke…

“Sir?” you asked only to see a large gloved hand holding a dark grey oxygen mask and shoving it onto your face. 

“Breathe.”

It wasn’t a request. 

You took a deep breath, hearing the hiss of oxygen and finally registering the ending notes of Major Tom . Wait, the next song was about to begin-

You shot to your feet, pulling the mask away from your face and handing it back to Adler. 

“I’m fine,” you swore fervently with a perhaps bit too forced of a smile. 

Sure, you were a bit dazed. 

But that was just the adrenaline working its magic, right? 

You unclipped the bag attached to your waist and quickly got out your XM4 with the magazine loaded and ready after two trusty taps on your helmet. 

“You’re experiencing decompression sickness right now, kid.” Adler sighed. You couldn’t help but wince at that slightly. 

You had disappointed him. Although, you had warned him about your inexperience with HALO jumping. 

“Just do overwatch for the operation at the cliff side.”

You opted to just obediently nod. 

You’d keep overwatch over the site unless the marked targets were secured and destroyed by the marked time designations. 

If that wasn’t the case...well you always had your good ol’ trusty C4 in your bag. 

________________________________________________________________

As it would turn out, things became a shitshow. 

Apparently Perseus supplied their hired DGI soldiers with more aid than expected. The team had come into the site expecting all kinds of things. Assault helicopters, spy planes, artillery-

But not radio jammers . 

Well, there was Plan B…

But you hadn’t seen the signal for it yet. 

And so you turned off your radio, no longer wanting to hear the crackling static of it all. 

Looking down the scope of your XM4 rifle, you decided to finally resume playing your Walkman. 

Sun is shinin' in the sky

There ain't a cloud in sight

It's stopped rainin' everybody's in the play

And don't you know

It's a beautiful new day, hey hey

Humming the merry little tune lightly to yourself, you fired several shots in a short burst through the skull of a DGI soldier emerging from the small canyon where the satellite had crashed. The body crumpled to the ground and you saw a shadow dart away from the entrance to the canyon. That was the tenth one you sniped down so far-

Your thoughts were cut short by the sight of blue smoke contrasting sharply against the yellow sand dunes. 

Plan B it was then , you mused to yourself. 

Runnin' down the avenue

See how the sun shines brightly in the city

On the streets where once was pity

Mr. Blue Sky is living here today, hey hey

Electric Light Orchestra’s Mr. Blue Sky graced your ears under the clear blue skies of Angola as you soon descended down to the canyon floor. Your gloved hands tightly gripped the ropes. 

The last thing you needed was to make another abrupt fall and land on your ass. 

As you let go of the ropes and fell the remaining several feet to the floor, you scanned your surroundings. The rocks to your left were a good cover in case the enemy tried to flank or ambush you. 

Although, you couldn’t afford to play defense at the moment. 

Plant the C4 and get the hell out of dodge, you told yourself. 

Mr. Blue Sky please tell us why

You had to hide away for so long (so long)

Where did we go wrong?

However, even the best laid plans were burned away by the fog of war.

And just as you finally arrived at the designated Zone A of the KH-9 satellite crash site, yours were stomped to pieces by all too familiar steps. 

Well, shiitake . 

It was your worst kind of enemy.

A Heavy.

Now, you could just waste an entire magazine trying to shoot that impossibly sturdy bucket off their head. But that would give away your position, expose you to those damn concussion grenades, and deplete your ammo. 

Hence why you decided on the only rational thing to do. 

You were going to kill that buckethead with your trusty 7-inch bowie knife. 

Hey you with the pretty face

Welcome to the human race

A celebration, Mr. Blue Sky's up there waitin'

And today is the day we've waited for

With a light whistle from your lips, you heard the Heavy’s footsteps approach your location. 

Just like Belikov taught , you thought as you readied your Magnum, cocking the hammer back. 

The large shadow cast from their figure was already past your hiding place behind the rock. 

They walked closer and closer until you could see the heavily armored plates protecting their legs walking past you. 

And then you took the shot. 

There was a muffled, strangled cry of pain from the DGI Heavy as they staggered back from the shot. You took advantage of the momentum by lunging from behind, sinking the bowie knife deep into the narrow gap between the helmet and the neck. 

The height difference made it somewhat difficult but you could deal with it. 

Hey there Mr. Blue

We're so pleased to be with you

Look around see what you do

Everybody smiles at you

That small fleshy opening was just enough for you to sink your knife several inches in. 

You were quite sure you nicked the carotid artery. 

But that wasn’t nearly a quick enough death. 

Still, you didn’t have time to go for a second strike. A short burst of gunfire erupted from their LMG. You ducked back under the cover of the rock that really was just getting obliterated by the LMG fire.

You silently counted. It wouldn’t take long for them to be forced to reload and throw a concussion grenade your way. 

They always did that. 

It was simply protocol that came from training. 

And you would use that against them. 

Mr. Blue, you did it right

But soon comes Mr. Night creepin' over

Now his hand is on your shoulder

Never mind I'll remember you this

I'll remember you this way

And true as church bells rang on Sundays, you heard the rapid fire of the LMG die down and you fired a quick round from your Magnum at the Heavy before lunging. 

This time, you didn’t half-ass it. 

Large hands were already heavy punches at your ribs but your padded combat vest absorbed most of the blows. Not stopping your momentum, you forced the bowie knife in through the same fleshy gap. This time though, it was a frontal attack. 

You felt the knife enter smoothly into the neck until it hit resistance in the muscle protecting the jugular vein and then you just twisted it. There was a choking gurgling sound erupting from the Heavy’s throat as you felt the hands now grappling at your shoulders squeeze painfully before relaxing. 

You severed their jugular and carotid artery. 

It was only when you withdrew the knife from the neck of the Heavy that you noticed the wet feeling on your eyelashes as you blinked. You rubbed at your eyes with the back of your glove. You stared down at the crimson stain on the fabric when you pulled your hand back. 

Your hands never really were clean.

With a sigh, you stood up from straddling the dead body and set your knife in its sheath at your thigh.

You still had to plant that C4-

And that’s when you heard it. 

That all too familiar beeping sound. 

It had been nearly instinct for you to simply drop to the ground and partially roll the still heavily-armored corpse of the Heavy to face you, shielding you from the direction the inevitable detonation was going to come from. 

Of course like clockwork, the beeping stopped. 

Hey there Mr. Blue (sky)

We're so pleased to be with you (sky)

Look around see what you do (blue)

Everybody smiles at you-

(And you proceeded to see stars in your vision as you felt what seemed to be a cannonball slam into you.)

________________________________________________________________

“Bloody hell! Are you okay?” you heard an accented voice ask above you. 

It was one of those MI6 field agents sent as support for the operation. 

“Yeah,” you murmured hazily, blinking away the blotches of color and stars still littering your vision, “I...uh should have paid more attention.” 

You didn’t quite know how you missed one of the operatives planting C4 at Zone A. They must have been stealthy about it while you were in the middle of stabbing a Heavy repeatedly in the neck. 

“Sorry about that, mate. I got a bit overzealous with the C4. We’re about to head to exfil.” the operative offered out his arm to you which you quickly took. Your balance was still wobbly as you could hear the deafening ringing in your ears drown out whatever songs your Walkman was playing. 

Speaking of your Walkman, you looked down at it worriedly only to sigh in relief. 

Miraculously, it hadn’t taken severe damage. Nothing not unrepairable. 

That was good. 

You could heal from bruises, concussions, and whatever the hell was thrown at you. But you couldn’t replace this Walkman. 

You idly looked down to see the corpse of the Heavy you had taken down. The armor had gotten large fragments but it looked like the corpse was still intact. With a glance at the retreating MI6 agent, you knelt down quickly, pulling away the armor from the corpse. 

Only a select few got to wear this kind of heavy duty armor. It was a privilege due to the sheer expensiveness and maintenance costs of the armor plates. 

Patting down the corpse, you felt a familiar rectangular shape in one of the pockets on the corpse’s vest. Pulling it out, you found that it was-

...a cassette tape? 

‘ Миллион алых роз ’ was written on the white label on the cassette tape. 

Your musings were cut short by the crackling of the radio at your waist. The radio jammers must have been destroyed by now.

“If I were you, I’d get to exfil now, Bell. Doc’s waiting for you.” 

You sighed. 

Honestly, you weren’t sure if you were going to face disappointment at how little you contributed to the operation or how you intervened in the operation after the radio jammers went off. 

Either one wasn’t good. 

Story Time With Adler it was, you thought hazily. At least, you liked his voice. There was just an assuredness and husky tone to his voice that was pleasant to listen to…

And with that idle thought in mind, you hurriedly made your way to exfil, trying not to trip on the rocks on the way there with your still wobbly sense of balance.

_______________________________________________________________  

“ Bell.” was all the man in question had to say. He took a drag of his cigarette in the helicopter as you reluctantly grabbed the offered oxygen mask in hand and took a deep breath from it. 

After breathing in and out for several seconds, you took off the oxygen mask and smiled with widened eyes as you gave a thumbs up gesture to the man across from you. Maybe you were exaggerating a bit too much but you really did want him to get off your back regarding the matter of oxygen. 

It hadn’t helped you much back during the HALO jump apparently. 

Perhaps, he’d buy into it-

“Bell, it’s oxygen, not cocaine.”

...or maybe not…

And so you resigned yourself to spending the next several hours wearing an oxygen mask while Adler watched you like a hawk while taking drags of his cigarette. 

[sunniebelle]

Haywire - Chapter 1

Plans of a relaxing fun day at an autumn Festival go haywire when Rose steps in to save a young girl. Things go from bad to desperate when the Doctor and Jack have to race against time in order to save a very wet and cold Rose in the midst of a freak blizzard, while being cut off from the TARDIS. Will this be the thing that finally tears them apart, or will the Doctor put aside his fears and past in order to look to a bright future with Rose?

Nine x Rose, Captain Jack Harkness

AO3

“Come on, Rose. We have to keep going, you have to keep moving your feet. Just a little further.”

Rose could hear the worry in the Doctor’s voice as he encouraged her to move forward, one arm wrapped tightly around her waist to help her continue moving forward. But she couldn’t order her thoughts enough to sooth him.

“I-I’m so c-cold,” she managed to murmur, her teeth chattering as a violent shiver shook her body.

“I know Rosie, but we’ll get you warmed up soon, promise,” Jack said from her other side.

The Doctor’s leather jacket practically swallowed her small frame, but even its warmth wasn’t enough to stave off the biting wind and the bone-deep chill that had taken up residence in her body. Her legs trembled with the effort it took to keep walking, each step almost painful now, her knees feeling like they would buckle at any moment. She did her best to keep up with the men on either side of her and not let on how much her body hurt.

Her feet sunk into the snow up her ankles with every step, though most of her steps were now more of a shuffling gait as she found it increasingly difficult to make her body do what her brain told them to do.

“Doc, we need to find someplace to get her warmed up. She can’t keep going like this and you know this storm will only get worse. If we keep going like this we’re going to—”

“I know,” the Doctor growled, cutting off Jack’s predictions, though she didn’t see the icy glare he also sent to the time agent. “The TARDIS is still nearly two miles away, but we’re close to that cottage we passed earlier today. We’ll stop there and rest a while.”

His grip on her waist seemed to tighten, though she couldn’t be sure with how cold she felt.

“Just a few more steps, Rose, then we’ll get you dry and warm and some hot tea in you. What d’ya think bout that?”

She tried to answer him, she really did. Her teeth chattering so hard it made her jaw ache, combined with the feeling of being trapped in a rapidly darkening tunnel, stole any ability to answer him. She couldn’t think or speak. She wanted to reassure them both that she would be ok and they didn’t have to worry about her.

But she just couldn’t.

“Rose?”

Why did the Doctor’s voice sound so far away? Why did it seem as though someone was slowly turning out the light?

“Rosie? Rosie, come on. Stay awake, alright? You have to stay awake! Don’t go to sleep!” Jack’s voice was frantic as he talked, but try as she might she couldn’t make her body cooperate.

“Doctor,” she whispered, before the darkness dragged her under completely.

She was unaware of the Doctor’s frantic calls of her name, or of Jack’s panicked look at the Doctor. She didn’t feel the Doctor’s strong arms lifting her and holding her limp body close to his as he and Jack began to run toward shelter.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(Earlier that day)

“Welcome to Phoenix!” the Doctor exclaimed as he and his companions stepped over the TARDIS threshold and into the bright sunlight. He glanced down, smiling at Rose’s delighted face and twinkling amber eyes—though he pointedly ignored Jack’s smug smirk.

“What? Like the bird?” Rose asked, her eyes taking in the vibrant colors of the forest surrounding them and various scents wafting on the cool breeze. Light shone through the trees, the swaying pale lavender branches and rustling multi-colored leaves making light dance on the forest floor.

“Yes and no,” the Doctor explained, enjoying the simple pleasure of Rose’s hand slipping into his. “This planet was discovered during the Third Great and Bountiful Human Empire, and many legends still circulate about the mythological bird. Just like it dies in fire and is born again, they saw this planet and the autumn season as a way to celebrate that rebirth and rejuvenation that comes from the season that ends one thing and ushers in something new.”

After breathing deep the earthy, musky scent of the forest in the height of autumn, Rose skipped and danced along beside the Time Lord as he continued his explanation of the planet and its history and importance to humanity and other alien races.

Jack walked along on the Doctor’s other side, smiling at the sight they made and thinking they were too adorable and had absolutely no clue.

It took a little while before they reached the entrance to one of the largest festival grounds on the planet. The Doctor pulled out his credit stick and paid for the three of them to enter, not able to hold back a smile at Rose’s look of excitement. He felt bad for having pushed his companions so hard recently, jumping from one adventure to another without much of a break. This was his way of making up for it, a day of fun and relaxation, and hopefully no danger.

Everywhere Rose looked were fall colors, oranges and reds and yellows, all in varying shades. There were sounds of people talking and laughing, the buzzes and dings of games, the whoosh and whir and clanks of rides, shouts and screams of people, and so many other sounds blended together to make for an exciting atmosphere of fun and adventure.

Off in the distance she saw a line of trees with what looked to be picnic tables and a stand for renting blankets for lounging on the grass. The picturesque scene was completed by the large pond just beyond that, which glistened from the light reflected off it, and row boats lined up ready to be taken out on the water.

Everywhere she looked there were people walking around, some in family groups, while others were paired or wandering alone. There was a mixture of humans and aliens of all sorts wandering around, and while the view of the area seemed like something she would find on Earth in her time, the evidence before Rose’s eyes reminded her why she loved traveling with the Doctor and visiting other planets.

“This is so brilliant!” she exclaimed, smiling up at the Doctor, who beamed at her in return.

As they walked further into the park, Rose was surprised to see a blending of so many different cultural decorations; some were obviously from Earth in her time and alien ones that were somewhat familiar, while others were completely foreign to her.

Colorful lanterns strung above their heads swayed gently in the breeze, a soft glow emitting from them. People walked around in elaborate costumes, though a number of people were dressed normally.

And the smells! A delicious blend of spices and apples and pumpkins and an earthy, musky scent of some type of coffee, all swirled in the air to tease at her senses, making her stomach gurgle hungrily.

“Come on,” she hollered, pulling the Doctor along, while Jack jogged next to him looking around excitedly, “let’s go get some food, first. I’m not half starved!”

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Notes: It took me a week longer than I wanted it to, but I've finally completed my first chapter of my Classic Tropes submission for Doctor x Rose Forever, over on Discord! I hope you enjoy it! I would love to hear your thoughts!

(BTW:This fic follows the assumption that Nine did not regenerate after PoTW, and he didn't leave Jack behind)

(tagging @doctor-rose-events)

 (also tagging @doctorroseprompts)

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 2: Guidance (originally published December 14, 2020)

Author's note: I think I'm gonna try releasing new chapters every Monday, for Part 1 at least. Anyway, here's Guidance.

Synopsis: Steven helps the students of Little Homeschool get jobs, but they're not very good at them.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven, Onion

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst, Blue Lace Agate,

Ian Jones-Quartey as Bixbite, Snowflake Obsidian

Michelle Maryk as Larimar

Aparna Nancherla as Nephrite

Charlyne Yi as Doc, Leggy, Army

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon

Kimberly Brooks as Zebra Jasper, Cherry Quartz

Natasha Lyonne as Smoky Quartz

Colton Dunn as Mr. Smiley

Dave Willis as Andy

--

On another lovely day in Beach City, Amethyst was walking along the boardwalk with a blindfolded Steven into Fish Stew Pizza. "Okay, two steps to the left." Amethyst instructed him as the two stepped into the pizza shop. "There's a chair right behind you." Steven did as he was told and sat down across from his sister figure. "Sit down aaaaand….okay."

When Steven undid his blindfold, he found himself inside Fish Stew Pizza with Amethyst in front of him and another Gem making pizza for them. "TADA!" Amethyst exclaimed with her arms excitedly spread out.

"Fish Stew Pizza? What a nice surprise." Steven giggled amusedly. "I mean, it has been a while since we last been here."

"No, that's not the surprise." Amethyst corrected him. "Notice anything different?" She gestured over to the Gem working with Kiki Pizza, perfectly slicing the toppings to pieces with utmost grace, laying them atop a crust that was put into the oven by Kiki.

"Oh, hi Steven!" the crab-like Gem greeted Steven.

"Bixbite? Is she working here?" Steven asked Amethyst.

"Yeah dude, and she's crushing it!" Amethyst answered. "Bixbite is an expert on slicing and dicing, and now she can put those skills to good use in a pizza parlor."

Another pizza came in fresh from the oven courtesy of Kofi, and Bixbite obediently brought it over to her friends. "Order up you guys!" she declared while setting the pie down. "So, any thoughts?"

"That's awesome!" Steven gasped at the pizza in awe of how well-made it was.

"Check out that 'za brah." Amethyst agreed, shapeshifting her hand into a ruler and a protractor to measure Bixbite's cuts. "Each slice exactly the same length, 45 degrees." She concluded, and then took a slice to eat. "Wow, pure perfection! I almost feel bad for eating this! You made me proud Bixie."

"Thanks for the compliments you guys." Bixbite thanked the pair. "And I couldn't have gotten here without you Amethyst."

As Bixbite walked away, Steven took a slice of the perfect pizza too. "I didn't even know she wanted a culinary career."

"Yeah, we talked a lot about her interests and experiences the other day." Amethyst revealed. "Then I set her up with Kofi, and here we are. Bixie is just the beginning y'know. I've been wanting to do something big for the school, so I've been helping Gems get human jobs, and everything is going amazing so far! I call it Gem-Human Excellence Mentorship, or G.H.E.M for short."

"I get it, like Gem." Steven came to a realization, much to Amethyst's mild frustration.

"No, I said Gem-Human Excellence Mentorship." Amethyst corrected. "Anote the H."

Suddenly, a Ruby clad in a suit and sunglasses burst through the door and let out a war cry while tearing off her sleeves, revealing the gemstone on her left shoulder before regaining her composure. "All clear my mayor."

Another Ruby dressed in the same clothes entered Fish Stew Pizza, wearing her shades over a yellow visor, by somersaulting into the room and stood alongside her compatriot. "All clear too." She repeated before allowing Mayor Nanafua to enter the pizza joint.

"You got Rubies in your program too?" Steven asked. "And why those Rubies in particular? I mean, they didn't try to kill me like Eyeball and Navy did, but they're still a little intense. Especially Army."

"I just found them to be a little more agreeable compared to those two." Amethyst replied while Doc & Army surveyed the area and Leggy helped the mayor to a chair. "Anyway, I got them working as bodyguards for the mayor."

"How many other Gems have you given jobs?" Steven asked again.

"Glad you asked!" Amethyst replied with a smile, and took Steven outside to show him her progress.

--

Amethyst took Steven from Fish Stew Pizza all the way to Beach City Funland, where she showed him just how many Gems she got to work there.

"Blue Lace Agate?" Steven gasped, seeing Blue Lace working at the ring toss booth and using her horns as targets, before discovering Biggs Jasper operating the Ferris wheel and Crazy Lace Agate handing out balloons. "Biggs? Crazy Lace? Have the Quartzes taken over Funland?"

"Yeah, I've been understaffed for so long so it was about time I had a few extra hands." Mr. Smiley said as he appeared behind the two Crystal Gems. "It could take a whole army to keep this park running!"

"An army?" Steven became worried, but then became distracted by what was going on in the sky.

"Hey check it out, Nephrite's doing some skywriting!" Amethyst cheerfully pointed out Nephrite drawing Steven's face in the sky with the smoke from Steven's cousin Andy's plane. "With all her experience flying dropships, it was only natural she do skywriting. Heck, she might even be better at flying than Andy! Still a bit of a perfectionist though."

As Nephrite crossed out her drawing, Steven began getting a little concerned with Amethyst's idea while they walked through Funland. "Um, Amethyst, isn't this a little on the nose?" he asked.

Amethyst however didn't pay him any mind, and instead pointed towards a pair of Gems giving a snowcone to the mayor. "Oh oh, look! Snowflake and Larimar found an ice-related job on the boardwalk!" she shouted while Snowflake Obsidian summoned a large pillar of ice for Larimar to scrape at, and the shavings formed a snowcone for Nanafua to enjoy.

"I still don't know about this." Steven muttered bemusedly.

"About what?" Amethyst asked him. "Everyone's doing pretty fine here."

"I mean, ice Gems doing ice jobs, pilot Gems piloting and guard Gems still guarding." Steven pointed out. "These are basically the exact same jobs they did on Homeworld."

"I swear Stee, these are totally different!" Amethyst nervously assured Steven, only for Leggy to walk by and prove her wrong.

"Wow, these jobs are exactly like what we once did in the old days." Leggy said before she high-fived Army.

"Thanks for the help Amethyst!" Army yelled to Amethyst.

"These are the jobs they wanted, I swear!" Amethyst continued nervously.

"Well sure, maybe they think they want to do this stuff," Steven explained. "but it's still up to us to get them out of their comfort zones!"

"I dunno man." Amethyst objected. "Comfortable can be good too."

"Bear with me for a bit here." Steven declared, and walked towards Snowflake and Larimar. "Hey you two, I just wanted to know what your duties were back on Homeworld."

"I dug ice trenches for the army!" Snowflake answered.

"And I made ice sculptures for the Diamonds!" Larimar added. "You should've really been there for some of my finest work, it was some of the best I've ever car-"

"So is ice kinda your default mode?" Steven cut Larimar off.

"Uh, yeah." Snowflake stated, sharing a look with the smaller Gem. "I mean, with a name like Snowflake Obsidian, what else do you think I do?"

"That's not the point I'm trying to make." Steven said. "Did you ever try doing something else?"

"Like filling ice trenches?" Snowflake answered, just as Nephrite coincidentally flew overhead on Andy's plane, giving Steven an idea.

"How about flying a plane?" Steven suggested.

--

Steven and Snowflake followed the plane to an open meadow where it landed. When Nephrite noticed Steven waving her down, she jumped out to see what was up.

"Hey Steven, what do you need?" Nephrite asked him.

"I'm gonna need you and Andy to talk with Snowflake here for a bit." Steven said, bringing attention to the Obsidian behind him. "I want to get her out of her comfort zone for a bit, so I think maybe she'd like to fly a plane."

"You sure about this kiddo?" Andy asked his cousin worriedly. "I mean, I already got a fine pilot right here." He patted Nephrite on the back, which gave her a smile. "But then again, I'll try anything once. Come on big guy."

Snowflake sheepishly got on the plane with Andy and began for take-off. "I don't snow about this." She punned while the flying machine quickly flew away.

"What's that, can't hear you!" Steven cried over the sound of the engine turning on and the plane finally leaving for the skies. "Have fun!"

--

Next, Steven took Larimar by the hand to the Appalachian, where Cherry Quartz was currently working. "I have an idea for you Larimar." He said to the little ice-carver. "You could operate the Funland roller-coaster. It's a great job, and you get to help people have fun."

"He's right, though I'd really like to actually ride it myself." Cherry agreed with Steven.

"Oh, what is that wonderful noise?!" Larimar asked excitedly while the coaster riders cheered from the adrenaline.

"That's just the screams of joy from everyone on this old thing." Cherry answered proudly.

"Human screams are my favorite of Earth's delights!" Larimar exclaimed happily. "I'll take his job, so I can hear them screaming forever!"

"Okay, that's a little creepy." Steven beamed nervously at Larimar's off-putting enthusiasm. "But I'm glad your heart's in the right place."

"One day, I shall make you scream Steven." Larimar said, before she was taken to the coaster's control room. "I suppose this must help it function, correct?"

"Yeah, you just pull the lever up and down to either speed it up or stop it." Steven instructed. "Why don't you give it a shot?"

"Give me the screams!" Larimar shrieked eagerly, pulling the lever up and making the riders yell louder, while Steven returned from the control room to see Amethyst waiting for him.

"See Amethyst? With just a few small changes, your plan is working even better than before!" Steven claimed, but the overcooked Quartz wasn't buying it. "Don't look so worried, let's go help more Gems!"

--

Much to Amethyst's dismay, Steven went around the town assigning the Gems new jobs far more different than the ones Amethyst gave them.

Instead of working at Funland, Ocean and Zebra Jasper were taken to work at Fish Stew Pizza. Bixbite, meanwhile, was now selling balloons. Army was now selling flowers, Teal Zircon was dragged out to become a taxi driver, Nephrite now worked selling snow cones, and Amethyst was still powerless to stop Steven.

"Wow, sure feels good to be helpful." Steven congratulated himself as he sat at a table at Fish Stew Pizza. "Hopefully everyone can get more experience outside of their comfort zones, but for now, I think I'm beat."

But just when Steven thought he could relax after a job well done, he instead got a pizza to the face. "Order up!" Zebra Jasper cried while she tossed more pizza at Steven and began messily cutting the pies up.

"Delivery, delivery, delivery!" Ocean Jasper yelled as she delivered pizzas by throwing them at passerby's outside.

"Here you go, and I'll take that." Leggy said to a downed person, handing him some flowers and taking his wallet. "Here you go." She added to a woman covered in pizza before taking her purse, and then triumphantly holding up the valuables while setting them on fire. "Yeah, mission complete!"

While Bixbite was handing out balloons, Ocean Jasper threw some pizza at her head, causing her to pop some of her merchandise and let the rest fly away. "Oh no, not the balloons!"

The balloons floated towards Andy's plane, giving Snowflake a shock and causing her to cover the aircraft in ice, making it lose control while the two screamed in fear.

Back on the ground, a car driven by Teal Zircon beeped loudly while it crashed into a lamppost, to the anger of her passenger. "Apologies sir, I have no idea how cars work." She apologized to her customer, who simply walked away in a huff. "Aw come on, not even a hug to make it up to you?!"

As Steven witnessed all the chaos he had accidentally created, he had only one thing to say. "I've made a huge mistake."

--

"Hit me with another Nephs." Amethyst ordered Nephrite to make her a syrupy snowcone at the arcade, oblivious to the chaos outside, when Steven came running in. "Oh hey Steven, want some?"

"No Amethyst, I need your help!" Steven panted in resignation. "Our brilliant plan is basically kaput. I tried to help all the Gems get out of their comfort zones, and look what happened!"

"See Steven, this is what happens when you don't listen!" Amethyst declared accusingly. "You didn't listen to any of my ideas today!"

"That's not true; the Gem mentorship thing is a great idea!" Steven tried assuring his friend.

"It was a great idea when the Gems were doing what they thought they were best at," Amethyst continued. "but then you came in and told everyone what you think they should do! Even me!"

"I was wrong." Steven admitted. "I should've put more trust in you with the program. I don't know why I thought I could just take it over like that! I'm so sorry for today."

"Well, I'm glad you came around Steven." Amethyst accepted his apology with a hug. "Cause right now, I think we have our work cut out for us."

Outside, Teal Zircon was trying her hardest to fix the car she crashed, but to no avail. When she noticed Steven and Amethyst looking at her, TZ changed her tune immediately. "Hey guys! Don't worry, I have this totally under control!" The car then burst into flames. "I'm being serious. Totally under control."

"Yeah, I can see." Steven replied sarcastically to Teal. "So what do you say Amethyst? Want to help me unhelp everyone I've helped?"

"Yeah, alright." Amethyst replied before noticing that Snowflake and Andy were close to crash-landing. With no time to lose, she dragged Steven by the arm out of the arcade, and they formed the chubby half-human fusion Smoky Quartz. "SMOKY!"

Summoning their yo-yo, Smoky Quartz tossed it at the plane and wrapped the string around its tail, but they accidentally cause the tail to break off and make everything worse. "Uh, oops."

While the plane kept spiraling out of control, Smoky bounded off Teal Zircon's destroyed car and summoned another yo-yo to keep them airborne. A third yo-yo was tossed soon after, forming a net that caught the plane and allowed Smoky to return it to the ground safely. "Hey guys, you cool?" Smoky giggled at their pun. "Get it, because of the ice?" The giggling soon ceased and they started panicking. "Anyways, I'm so sorry! You okay?"

"I'm fine." Snowflake answered while clambering out of the plane. "Except that I now have a fear of flying, so there's that."

"Seriously, my life flashed before my eyes for a bit." Andy added, adjusting his flight cap. "Good thing you came in for the save."

"Phew, thanks Uncle Andy." Smoky let out a sigh of relief before they turned to the havoc at Funland. "Gotta run, roller coaster on the fritz!" With that, Smoky made a run for the amusement park, in the process putting out the flaming car with the wind, where the Appalachian had now spun out of control.

"These are not the screams I was hoping for!" Larimar cried, unable to regain control of the ride.

Smoky Quartz began running faster as the coaster started to fall apart, all while having an inner argument with themselves. "Seriously, we're not gonna make it in time! C'mon, faster!"

"If you can save the universe Steven, then I can sure save a roller coaster!" Amethyst declared through Smoky.

"But saving the universe took time!" Steven replied hastily. "I don't have any time, and I sure won't take thousands of years to save this!"

As more of the coaster began falling apart, Smoky was in full panic mode. "Agh, what do I do?!"

"I don't know, I don't know!" Steven replied through their fusion, just as panicked. "Just give me a second!"

Suddenly, Smoky began turning pink thanks to the parts of them that came from Steven, and they suddenly started going even faster than before. Or rather, everything became slower.

"Whoa, cool!" Smoky gasped in amazement at their new form just as they made it to the Appalachian in time and jumped onto the broken rails. "Gotcha!" they exclaimed, but then they noticed how slow-moving everything and everyone had now become. With this sudden new power of slowing down time, Smoky decided to use it to their advantage.

At the front were Sour Cream and the ex-Mayor Dewey, whose hat was flying off his head from the intense speed. "Whoa okay, that goes there." Smoky muttered, putting the hat back on Mr. Dewey while borrowing Sour Cream's phone to take a picture of the three of them with, before returning the device to its owner. "Okay everyone, last stop!"

Smoky quickly got to work, taking all the humans out of the coaster, and safely returned them to the ground. As they were all tossed out of the ride and back onto the pier, they were dropped incredibly slowly due to the intense slowing of time. When Smoky rescued the last of the riders & safely returned them to the ground, time finally returned to its normal flow and they were no longer pink.

"Everybody's all safe and accounted for!" Smoky stated. "Now onto saving that coast-" They were too late to save the roller coaster as it went off the rails and launched off the broken rails into the ocean. "Ah well." They muttered. "Sometimes you can save the people from the roller coaster, but you can't save the coaster itself."

The coaster then combusted in the water, leaving a massive mushroom cloud in its wake. "And that's okay."

--

Later that day, Steven and Amethyst had successfully returned everything to normal and treated themselves to snow cones as a reward. Steven was mostly silent throughout, but Amethyst was ecstatic at how they had controlled time earlier as Smoky Quartz.

"Dude, that was intense!" Amethyst exclaimed. "We basically slowed time just like in one of those manga Lapis reads, but I'm bummed that it didn't come with the power to summon steamrollers. We were going so fast; everything almost came to a screeching halt!"

"Yeah, that was pretty nuts." Steven giggled anxiously.

"It was awesome!" Amethyst added, still super excited. The two of them looked around to admire what they fixed. Bixbite was back to working at Fish Stew Pizza, Nephrite was flying with Andy again, Teal Zircon swore never to drive a car again and the Rubies had now returned to defending the mayor.

"Now that I look at it, you were pretty spot-on with everyone's jobs." Steven confessed. "It just makes me wonder, you think I'm a bit too controlling?"

"Okay, maybe a teeny bit." Amethyst admitted to Steven. "As for me, I didn't just guess what everyone wanted to do. I actually sat down with all these Gems and asked what they wanted. Everyone has had a crazy history, so I felt they should be able to choose how they feel and what they should do in the future. I feel like I finally know what I needed to do; I just needed to figure it out for myself. But now, I feel like I'm just as good at helping Gems decide that for themselves."

"Yeah, you're right." Steven agreed.

"So, what about you?" Amethyst asked Steven. "Now that things are starting to settle down, what do you want to do? Come on, let's talk about your future! The doc is in, first session is free!"

"Thanks Amethyst." Steven laughed lightly. "But I don't know. I still want to help people, but I think I might be losing my touch."

Just then, Steven felt someone tap his shoulder, and he turned to see Larimar standing before him, with a large stuffed bear poorly hidden behind her. "Hello Steven, it's me, Little Larimar!" Larimar greeted Steven. "I got you a surprise. Can you guess what it is?"

"Uh, no." Steven answered, clearly noticing Larimar's bear, but he decided to play dumb to humor her.

"It's a teddy bear!" Larimar announced as she presented the bear to Steven, who took the toy kindly.

"That's so nice Larimar, thanks." Steven thanked Larimar. "But why did you get me this?"

"I got this for you as a way of saying thank you." Larimar responded. "I know I'm not great at handling the roller coaster, but I find myself excelling at giving things to others, like handing prizes to children! Oh, their joyous laughter warms me so. It sounds kind of like screaming!"

Steven and Amethyst were a little weirded out by Larimar's comparisons, but they were still happy she found something that made her happy.

"I think these Earth children quite like me too." Larimar continued. "I never felt so happy in my life."

Steven and Amethyst's nervous expressions turned into sweet smiles, but as the destroyed roller coaster drifted past them in the ocean, Steven made a shocking realization. "Oh my gosh, we forgot Onion!" he panicked seeing Onion still in the coaster, and Onion gave him a little wave, which eased Steven's nerves. "Eh, I'm sure he'll be fine."

--

Thanks for joining me for another chapter of Alternate Future. Like in Regular Future, Little Homeworld and Guidance were merely appetizers for what's to come, because the next chapter will be where things get really interesting. It will be a fusion of Rose Buds and Volleyball, and we'll even get our first hint of something, or someone, plotting against Steven and Era 3. What am I even talking about? Well, tune in next week to find out!

[terapsina]

5 Times The Doctor Talked About River Song With Graham (+1 Time The Fam Finally Met Her)

---          ao3 ---  1 ---

Graham finds it on the floor of the TARDIS control room.

Everyone else is asleep, emotionally wrung out from their latest trip, he thinks even the Doctor might have gone off for a nap and he’s never actually seen that happen before now.

But Graham can’t sleep. His mind is still painfully stuck on Grace. On having held her in his arms not even a few hours ago, on having lost her all over again. Logically he knows it wasn’t really Grace. Now that it’s over and he’s looking back he even realizes a part of him knew all along.

It doesn’t make the hurt of it lessen.

And it’s not because the illusion was flawed, if anything it’s because it was too perfect. She looked like Grace, sounded like her, fit in his arms like her. She even smelled like Grace, like Shea butter and vanilla, because all the products Grace liked to buy had those ingredients in them. Everything about her was as warm as he remembers, from her smile to the soft touch of her hand. Even her mischief twinkled like the fire from a candle in her eyes.

It was like a dream come alive, a dream he never would have been willing to wake from if not for Ryan.

He’s so angry at himself for almost having abandoned his grandson for an imitation of the woman who was the love of his life. However flawless of an imitation it was.

He’s pacing from one side of the console to the other, mind lost to self-recriminations, when he feels his foot step on something small, kicking it across the room with a light tinkle.

His eyes follow the small golden object as its slide down the floor stops in the middle of TARDIS, and finally focuses on the last thing he’d have ever expected to find here if he’d ever thought to consider it.

It’s a ring.

He walks toward it, bending to pick it up. It turns out to be a simple gold band, moving it to catch better light he notices a small inscription on the inside that he can’t read. The TARDIS isn’t translating it. It’s written in the same circular pattern that he’s seen all over the ship since the start of this strange adventure into time and space.

It’s also, unmistakably, a wedding ring.

Breath catches in Graham’s chest, because in a moment between one heartbeat and the next, he knows. And his heart breaks for his alien friend.

The Doctor was married.

He stands frozen, uncertain if he should go looking for the Doctor now or to wait until later. Picturing her face the last time he saw her, those tight and drawn eyebrows and the dropping shoulders, he comes to a decision. He pockets the ring and goes back to his room. 

The Doctor deserves some sleep too, he’ll find her tomorrow morning and return it then.

-

Tomorrow morning turns into afternoon and then evening before Graham gets his chance. By the time he woke up, both Ryan and Yaz were awake too, and the Doctor was already busy with finding their next adventure.

And he knows if someone had found Grace’s ring he’d want them to return it in private.

He loves his grandson and Yaz. But they are so young, their curiosity would have gotten the best of them and Graham doesn’t want to put Doc on the spot like that.

So he waits until Yaz and Ryan have gone off exploring the dizzying number of rooms of Doc’s ship, or whatever else it is they like to do when they’re not running toward death defying adventures with grins on their faces, before he pulls the Doctor away from tinkering with the mechanisms of her time machine.

“You have a moment?”

She slides out from underneath the opening into the console, her sonic screwdriver between her teeth. The humming of the TARDIS engines grows softer as if in response.

“What’s up Graham?” She asks, after taking the screwdriver out of her mouth and as she’s pushing her goggles up to her hairline, making her hair go in all kinds of interesting directions. She looks like the mad scientist he might have found on the screen of one of Grace’s science fiction shows.

In a way he supposes that’s a pretty accurate picture of the Doctor, and any other time Graham might have smiled in amusement at his thought. Today he flinches at the smile she sends him, knowing he’d be taking it away with his next words.

“I found something yesterday. I think it’s yours, Doc.” He says, and pulls out the object that’s been burning in his pocket the whole day.

The Doctor’s eyes slide to his arm and once they narrow in on the ring laying in the palm of his hand, her face transforms from the carefree adventurer he’s gotten to know in the past few months, to something painful and lost and hurting. It’s a look that’s far too old for that face. And so very familiar Graham can’t help but look away.

“Where did you find it?” the Doctor asks, voice a breathless whisper, her hand hovering over the ring, seeming unable to cross that final little bit of air to touch it.

“It was here on the ground. I don’t know how it got there.” He says with a nervous shrug.

“I do.” The Doctor says, eyes momentarily glaring toward the center of the room. She doesn’t explain, instead finally taking the ring from him in one quick movement and pulling it to her chest, squeezing it in a fist against her.

“I’m very sorry Doc.” Graham says. The words are inadequate but sometimes they really are the only ones available.

“I know.” She says, eyes looking to a point in empty air behind him.

He nods and pats her lightly on her shoulder, before turning around to leave her to whatever memories have washed over her with the return of that wedding band.

“Her name was River Song.” She says once he’s already taken a few steps. He stops, turning around, giving her the opportunity to continue or not as she needs. “She was an archaeologist. And a professor. And a criminal. And she was brilliant and absolutely mad.”

“She must have been. Married you didn’t she?” Graham jokes before he can help himself.

But Doc just grins like she agrees and laughs to herself. 

Something uncoils in Graham’s chest at seeing Doc’s face regaining its natural brightness, however tinged with grief. The grief isn’t new either, he’s seen shadows of it in her all along but this is the first moment she doesn’t seem to be trying to hide it. Or maybe the first time she’s not trying to hide from it.

“She did do that. Married me at every point in history happening all at the same time. And a few times after.” The Doctor tells him, leaning forward like she’s revealing a secret instead of saying something that makes no sense at all.

“Sounds like quite a woman.” 

“She was.” The Doctor says, eyes now down on the hand hiding the precious metal band within its hold.

There’s an extended moment of silence and then; “Graham?”

“Yeah, Doc?”

“Thank you.” She says, a serious and infinitely grateful look overtaking her face.

He nods at her and turns around, knows the conversation has come to a close and he should leave his friend to a moment that’s something meant between her and the specter of her wife.

In the privacy of his own mind he wonders why the Solitract never took on the form of this River Song. Whatever the reason, he finds himself grateful, he wouldn’t wish that cruelty on his worst enemy. And he certainly wouldn’t wish it on Doc.

---  2 ---

“She used to leave me coordinates and jump out of the most impossible places, waiting for me to catch her. I always did.” The Doctor says out of nowhere, both of them chained to the stone wall of the dungeons of the Victorian castle, waiting to get executed, or getting saved by Yaz and Ryan. Whichever comes first.

Personally, Graham’s hoping for the second one.

“What?” He asks, lost.

“River,” the Doctor explains. “She once defaced the oldest cliff-face in the universe. And before that she left me a recording inside a Home Box so I’d come catch her jumping out of a space ship into vacuum. It was the day her mother met her. Well, that face anyway.”

“That must have been frightening.” Graham says, uncertain. He’s not sure he wants to touch the bit about the mother. Sometimes he thinks she likes to confuse them on purpose.

"Oh no, she was absolutely fearless. Hell in high heels and it's the devils who ran." The Doctor says either misinterpreting his words or choosing to misunderstand on purpose, her voice full of spousal pride and a face painted with smitten adoration. It’s so unexpected, so unlike the Doctor’s usual disposition, that Graham needs to clear his throat to get past the sudden awkwardness of it.

"Sounds like she was made for you, Doc." He finally says, trying to picture this impossible woman who married the Doctor, and falling short. The only impression he can summon up is someone dangerous and larger than life.

He’s so busy with his mental portrait it takes him a moment to notice the Doctor has fallen silent, once he looks at her though his breath stutters. Her face is so pained it’s as if he’d landed a physical hit with his last words. She looks almost... ashamed.

He curses himself for whatever it was he said that put that expression there.

“You okay, Doc?” He asks, voice as gentle as he can make it, trying not to startle her into pulling back into herself.

The Doctor flinches and blinks rapidly like waking from a bad dream, then her face transforms into her usual bright but slightly removed facade, and she’s back to trying to reassure him.

“I’m always alright.” She lies and changes the subject. “I wonder what’s keeping Yaz and Ryan, they should really have gotten past the sleeping guards by now.”

He doesn’t call her on it and moves his mind back to the problem at hand. The problem at hand of course being; the part where they’re chained to a prison wall for trying to assassinate Queen Victoria. The fact Queen Victoria has been replaced by a homicidal alien copy asks for some worrying too and Graham is more than willing to oblige.

In the end it turns out there’s no need for either worry, Yaz and his grandson find them twenty minutes later and they’re away from 1882, London within an hour.

The real Queen back on her rightful throne, though still yelling threats to the Doctor’s back even as they’re being whisked away by the little blue box.

---  3 ---

They’ve split into pairs again. Usually he prefers to watch his grandson’s back when that happens but today is March 18 - or would have been if they weren’t jumping all over time and space, - and Ryan had been snapping at him since morning.

He knows Ryan well enough to know that if he doesn’t give him some space before trying to talk to him about it, they won’t talk at all.

“Everything okay with Ryan?” The Doctor asks as they’re traveling through the apparently semi-sentient crystal tunnels of the newest planet she’s brought them to, trying to find and stop whoever it is that’s been attempting to mine it.

Grace would have loved it here. The sapphire-like stone itself is the familiar blue of what he’s pretty sure is Doc’s favorite color but it’s mixed with golden strands that run through the fault-lines and leave the strange impression of blood vessels, veins running through the body of the living crystal.

“It would have been Grace’s birthday today.” Graham says, heart clenching in his chest at saying it aloud. In a perfect universe he would be home right now, standing over her favorite cake - red velvet with cherry frosting, - and singing a ‘Happy Birthday’ with their grandson.

In a perfect universe she would be here beside him, just as in awe of their surroundings as he is.

“Oh.” The Doctor says and grows quiet.

“It’ll be alright tomorrow. It’s just… today is hard. For both of us.” He hopes he’s not lying. Hopes Ryan will let Graham find him once they’re back in the TARDIS so they can spend the evening talking and laughing and crying about Grace. So they can pick themselves up tomorrow and continue living in her honor like she’d have wanted them to.

They spend a few minutes just walking when the silence finally becomes too much for Graham. 

“How long were you married?” It’s the first time he’s initiated the subject of the Doctor’s wife himself, the two previous times it was her who opened up first, so he’s not entirely sure how she’ll respond. But he’s ready to fall back into silence and not press if it looks like she doesn’t want to talk about it.

“I don’t know.” She says, still steps ahead and with her back to him.

“How can you not know?” Graham asks, mind heavy with confusion.

“If I count only all the days we were together; then two, maybe three centuries. If I count all my days from our first wedding to the last time I saw her, then almost half my life.” She says with a forcefully easy tone. 

Graham stops in his tracks as the implication hits. “Centuries?” 

She turns around and looks at him like she’s measuring the words she’s planning to say, or if she’ll say them at all. After a moment her face clears and she seems to come to some sort of decision.

“I’m more than two thousand years old, Graham. I’ve loved River Song through four of my faces and had more than twice as many before that, most of them male. I’m not human.”

Graham had known that, that the Doc wasn’t human, that she had two hearts and enough lives to make a cat jealous. In an abstract way that they were a man before they were a woman, because she’s dropped enough comments to that effect by now. But he hadn’t realized the differences between them were quite so vast as two millennia.

“Was she?” He asks and immediately thinks better. “Wait, no, you said three centuries, she couldn’t have been.”

“What?”

“Your wife.” He doesn’t know why he’s asking that, except maybe because he knows Grace would have, and so especially today of all days he has to in her place. Or maybe it’s just that pesky human curiosity.

“She wasn’t. And she was.” She says after a moment and turns back around to continue walking. “She was the daughter of my two best friends. And the daughter of TARDIS.”

She doesn’t explain further than that, so he’s left puzzling over the new contradiction on his own for the rest of the way through the alien tunnels with his strange alien friend as his company, a silent one now.

He turns his head back toward the faintly glowing walls and once he looks more carefully notices the slightly irregular pulsing of the golden veins. Fascinated he again thinks about how much Grace would have loved to see this.

‘Happy birthday!’ He thinks toward her, hoping she’s seeing this from wherever it is she’s watching over him and Ryan.

---  4 ---

They’re back in Sheffield the next time the subject of River Song comes up.

Yaz is off spending some time with her family and Ryan is meeting his father for dinner. Graham is trying really hard not to stress himself into growing ulcers over that last one.

It’s not that he thinks he’s going to lose to Aaron the bond he’s finally building with his grandson. He understands Ryan’s wish to repair the relationship between him and his father. It’s just that despite Graham’s belief in Aaron’s genuine regret, he can’t help worry that Ryan will get his heart broken again.

He doesn’t think he could stand seeing Ryan disappointed like that again.

Which leaves him at home. Worrying. With the Doctor as company.

“He’ll be fine, Graham.” The Doctor says, not for the first time this hour.

“I know that.” Graham says back, eyes still on the door.

“Oh, do frowns and scrunched up foreheads not mean what they used to mean in you humans?” The Doctor’s voice sounds amused so he can’t help but glare at her a bit.

“Hilarious.” He mutters under his breath.

“I am, aren’t I?” She says. 

He huffs loudly and goes back to staring at the door. Waiting for Ryan to come home.

“Do you want to talk about something else then?” She offers. “Might distract you.”

“Be my guest.”

“The first time River met me she shot the TARDIS, tried to kill Hitler and poisoned me with a kiss.” The Doctor drops, and to give credit where it’s due, distracts Graham absolutely.

“What?” He doesn’t even know which part to touch first.

“Poisoned lipstick. So glad she switched to hallucinogenic ones later.” She almost sounds dreamy. Graham feels his brain beginning to hurt.

“She poisoned you?” Honestly, he doesn’t even know why he’s shocked, it’s the Doc after all. But still, how do you marry someone who poisoned you in their first interaction?

“Only a little bit. And she saved me right after.”

“And that makes it okay?” Graham says, furious on her behalf.

“There were... reasons. She didn’t know me yet but she knew about me and- well, there were reasons.” The Doctor explains. Even though Graham doesn’t really think it explains all that much at all. Something about her expression though tells him to leave it alone, there’s that guilty, haunted look in her eyes again and Graham isn’t sure he wants to know what’s behind it.

So maybe it’s a good thing that before he has a chance to put his foot in his mouth there comes the sound of a key turning in the lock and the front door slamming open.

“Hey, gramps.” Ryan says walking in, a wide smile on his young face.

Graham exhales, the knot of worry loosening for now and smiles back, hiding the stress he’d been struggling with for the past few hours. “Hello, son. How did it go?”

“Good.” Ryan says, a slightly shy happiness dancing like starlight in his eyes.

---  5 ---

It’s almost three months since Graham found the ring and gave it back to the Doctor before a moment comes where he feels like it might finally be the right time to touch on the one thing that’s been implied but never addressed in their conversations about the Doctor’s wife.

The day isn’t particularly different from any of the previous ones.

It’s late and Graham can’t sleep so he walks to the kitchen for a cup of tea when he finds the Doctor already there, eating custard cream biscuits.

He nods tiredly in her direction, grabbing two blue cups from a shelf and going through the motions of making both of them the peppermint tea he finds on the counter-top - he’s pretty sure it wasn’t there a moment ago but he’s also gotten used to not questioning things like that while aboard the TARDIS.

“Sugar?” He asks, because he’s noticed she never puts the same amount in any of her cups. He thinks it might depend on her mood.

“Two and a half teaspoons, please.” She tells him and he tries not to grimace as he follows her instructions.

“Here.” He says and passes her the cup once he’s done. Pulling his own cup - no sugar - with him to the other side of the table. 

She gives him a few biscuits in exchange and for a few minutes they share their midnight snack in peace. And then the thought that has been ruminating unvoiced for a long time now surfaces in his mind again, and for the first time he doesn’t push it back down.

“How did you lose her?” He asks.

The biscuit halts halfway to her mouth and then lands heavily back on the plate. For a long time she just stares into her tea and Graham thinks she’ll choose not to answer.

But then she looks up into his eyes and breathes out very slowly.

“She died the day I met her.” She says.

“I thought you said you were the one who almost died when you met.” Graham says, confused again.

“When she met me. This was before that- well, from my point of view at least. We never met in the right order. She was a time traveler too, had a vortex manipulator, I think she might have stolen it from an old friend of mine actually, not that she ever actually admitted where she got it.” She says, growing more animate as she switches gears mid-tangent. “Our timelines went in opposite directions. Not entirely of course, there were loops and twists and exceptions but for the most part the older I got, the more often the River I ran into was a younger and younger version of her.”

“So the day you met her...” He says not finishing the thought, horrified as he realizes what she’s saying.

“She died saving four thousand and twenty-two people.” She finishes for him with a shrug that belies the pain he knows she must be feeling at saying it.

“That couldn’t have been easy, knowing the entire time what would happen to her.”

“I spent centuries running away from the last date we’d have before she went to the Library.” She snaps. “So, no, not easy.”

“Did you ever try to-”

“What? Change it? Save her? Go back and make sure she never died there? Take her place?” She glares at him and for a fraction of a moment she looks her age, millennia old and furious and terrifying beyond reason, and for that one moment Graham is almost scared of her. And then she blinks, her gaze losing it’s terrible intensity, and he’s not even sure that he didn’t imagine it. “She would never have forgiven me. And- and her timeline is complicated, even if I tried to- there’s a very good chance if I did it that I’d be erasing her from the universe entirely.”

He stares at her, heart full of grief for the pain she must have lived through. He tries to imagine having known the entire time about the day he’d lose Grace to that fall and almost breaks with it. He doesn’t think he could have survived that.

“You’re like a Greek tragedy, Doc.” He breathes past the knot in his throat.

“Always preferred the Romans.” She says and goes back to eating her biscuits, eyes skittering away from meeting his.

He knows the conversation is over and by the way she’s starting to fidget with that chain around her neck, - the one that wasn’t there three months ago but which she hasn’t taken off since, - and by the way she is decisively avoiding his gaze. He knows she wants to be left alone.

Respecting her wish for privacy he finishes the last of his tea and gets up to leave. “Goodnight, Doctor.”

She doesn’t answer but by the time he’s reached the door he does hear her say something. Something he’s pretty certain isn’t addressed at him. Both because he doesn’t understand it and because he’s pretty sure she’s already forgotten that he’s still in the room at all.

“Not those times, not one line. I promise.”

--- +1 ---

It ends the way it began. With Graham noticing something small in the control room of the TARDIS. Though this time it’s not the middle of the night and he’s not there all by himself.

It’s mid-afternoon and the Doctor is laying on her stomach, playing with the insides of the ship, sparks flying around her whenever she touches a wire with her sonic and once in a while being interrupted by what sounds like the irritated humming of the TARDIS itself. Yaz and Ryan are on either side of her trying to figure out exactly what she’s doing, though Graham is not at all sure even Doc knows what that is.

And then something catches his eye.

“There’s a blinking button, Doctor.” He says and goes over to it for a closer look.

“Red or green?” She asks, not moving from her place halfway into the console.

“Blue.”

“Oh, someone’s left a voicemail. Put it on speaker, will you?” She says louder, in answer to the sudden shudder that runs through the ship and makes Graham catch the console for balance.

“Sure. How do I do that?” He asks, eyes running over the large number of doodads in front of him.

“Flip the first switch to the right down, and then press the blinking button.”

He follows her instructions and as soon as he’s done so, a low female voice with a Southern British accent rings across the room, a playful lilt to her tone.

“Hello Sweetie, be a dear and come pick me up, please?” There’s the sound of an explosion from the other side of the call echoed by the unmistakable clang of someone hitting their head against metal from under the TARDIS console. Before Graham can do more than lean over to check that they’re all okay, the Doctor is already up and pushing him out of her way. “I’ve sent you the coordinates.”

“Who was that?” Yaz asks with obvious concern as soon as she and Ryan join them. 

Graham has a feeling he already knows.

“River.” The Doctor exhales more than says, Graham notices her hands shaking as she pulls up the mentioned coordinates.

“Doctor?” Ryan asks, looking just as worried as Yaz.

“My wife.” The Doctor says and starts running around them, flicking switches all around the control table even quicker than Graham’s already used to seeing from her.

“Your what?” Yaz exclaims in tandem with Ryan’s: “What?”

The Doctor ignores them both, halting with her hand atop the lever that will make them take off and turns her head to face Graham. She’s paler than normal, eyes blown wide from terror and tears starting to visibly gather in the corners. Graham has never seen her scared, not truly, but right now she looks on the edge of breaking.

“I can’t go through this again. I’ve already lost her three times I can’t- not again.”

Graham stands frozen, for a moment absolutely uncertain about what he could possibly say to help her. And then the answer hits him and it is so very simple.

“It sounds like she’s in trouble, Doc.” He says, remembering one of the things she’d told him.”You said you always showed up to catch her.”

The Doctor lets out a shuddering breath and seems to steel herself. She pulls the lever and they all grab for the nearest steady surface to stay on their feet as TARDIS takes off with an almost exhilarated sounding wheeze.

“Is someone going to explain what is going on? Where are we going?” Yaz yells again, this time directing the question at Graham.

“It’s not my place to say.” He says, holding on to the table for dear life but upon noticing Yaz’s frustrated expression expands on his words. “But I’m pretty sure you’re about to find out.”

When they come to a halt a moment later the Doctor is already running toward the Police Box door, flinging it open with a snap of her fingers before she’s even halfway there and then crashing to the ground as a woman lands sprawling on top of her.

“Well hello there,” River Song purrs for all of them to hear. “That’s new.”

“River!” The Doctor says, like all the breath has been knocked out of her. To be fair, Graham’s pretty sure that’s literally the case.

“Yes, Sweetie?”

“What were you doing breaking onto the Museum Planet. They execute their thieves.” The Doctor says from underneath her wife, looking all too happy to stay where she is even as her voice turns chiding. “Also it’s boring down there.”

“Yes, well, it’s not my fault that I’m so infamous that when I’m presumed dead all my personal possessions suddenly turn into priceless artifacts they want to put on display. They were practically begging me to steal them back.” The Doctor’s wife says with a smirk Graham can hear even without seeing her face.

“Presumed dead?” The Doctor asks, voice turning small again.

“Oh, honestly, Doctor! Did you expect me to spend all of my eternity in that data core? It took me a while, I’ll give you that, but at the end of the day it was just another Stormcage.”

Graham is starting to feel like he might not have gotten anywhere near the entire story himself here. But he’s also beginning to get the feeling that the Doctor might be getting her wife back from the dead after all.

“You’ve been to the Library.” The Doctor says, starting to struggle to be let up and Graham finally catches a glimpse of her face. She looks overwhelmed, but where just minutes ago it was with fear of having to say goodbye again, right now there’s a dawning realization of something akin to bliss.

Graham feels his own heart tremble in his chest. It hurts. River Song is alive and Grace is still dead and no matter how happy he is for the Doctor, there’s sudden gnawing envy trying to swallow the heart that he’d only barely started to mend.

He has just enough time to see the Doctor pull River into her arms, crushing her mouth against her wife’s, before his eyes turn away and land on the shocked faces of Ryan and Yaz.

He walks over to the two of them and turns them around by their shoulders to steer them out of the control room and into the deeper hallways of the TARDIS.

“Come on son, Yasmin, we should give them some privacy to catch up. I think they haven’t seen each other for a very long time.”

[nny11writes]

1, 33 and 48 for the writers ask meme? :)

1. Tell us about your WIP!

Oh god which one?????? Fic I’m currently get good writing in on and excited about is How to Quit You which is already posting but not finished. Buuuuut, I think I want to talk a hot second more about the dang Art Model AU that jumped me in a back alley. One of my friends has a story she’s writing/planning for a different fandom (Power Rangers: Jungle Fury!) and we were hashing through her idea that one of the characters was an art model back in college and he took his crush to an art gallery where a nude of him was hung up.  I liked it! And then weeks go back by, maybe months, and suddenly all I can think is, “How fucking hilarious would it be if Adora was an art model? Like, she’s not ashamed of her body or nudity, she’s not bothered by the process or images of her being put out into the art world.” and then the very next thought was, “We all like hc Catra as an artist in Modern AUs, oh my god she could be the disaster lesbian she is!”

And now I’m a few thousand words into it and Adora has started attending the drawing sessions when she’s not a model with a cheap drug store “art book” and her mechanical pencil she chewed to death. Because she’s fallen for the mean artist and wants to impress her she has a genuine interest in learning how to draw even if everything she puts on paper looks like a misshapen potato.

I’m going to force them to ride in the car while Animotion’s Obsession plays on the radio and they both break out into a sweat.

(Warning for that song, it’s one of those “oh this is so catchy, but I can’t hear lyrics when listening to new songs” and then I looked it up and it’s a bit date rapey. Like, why do so many 80′s tunes I like end up really skeevey?)

33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like?

I would hesitate to say I even have an actual process for revisions and rewrites. Basically, every time I open my doc to work I always go back to the start of the chapter I’m working on and re-read until I hit where I need to write.

This gets me in the right head space for the fic, helps me remember what the characters are doing/plot, and nail down the same tone in my writing.

But it also means that every time I write I do a bit of editing before hand. Heck, if I need to re-read an older chapter or skip ahead to a later one to double check consistency I’ll do some editing /while/ I’m writing as well.

Because I tend to look at one fic then a different one then a different one, with no consistent schedule it ends up being the great advice of write it and walk away. Come back a day or two later and look at it again because you’ll see more errors that way.

I think this isn’t the best system for most people. A lot of folks need some separation between writing and editing so that they don’t hamstring themselves via perfectionism. I’ve been learning over the last year that I’m, in fact, not a fat lazy bastard like I’ve always thought I was. I am, in fact, a fat overachieving hype-man. Which is wild! So I know I fall into that trap sometimes too.

Great example is Chapter 18 of how to quit you, I wrote the chapter, edited that for about two or three months, then realized it was really not good and deleted it to start over, edited that for a few weeks and realized it’s still not right. So I might need to delete it again but I’m going to try and fix it via smaller section re-writes and adjusting what I thought I wanted plot wise. But what chapter isn’t finished and is next to be posted? Chapter 11. Fucking, god damn it all. Almost every chapter from 11-14 has been heavily ignored despite needing to be in the story and being good I just can’t get my brain to work. So instead I get stuck editing and editing and editing and not WRITING.

On the other hand, I tend to bulldog it and then when I do ask people to edit/beta read there’s not as much obvious stuff that they have to slog through since I’ve caught most of my common spelling mistakes (-ign instead of -ing will kill me some day), tense mistakes, and consistency errors.

I like doing it this way, and while it can get it the way it normally helps. But again...it’s not exactly planned out. I just launch into a fic and go “cool I wanna write something for this fic” and I’m not a chronological writer so god speed little dude.

48. Do you prefer to write skimpy drafts and flesh them out later, or write too much and cut it back?

I mean, kinda like I talked about above I tend to edit and polish parts of my draft while still actively writing other parts of it. Like, with the same chapter and across the whole fic.

I honestly fall into both categories because I’m somewhat of a blend of them. I lean more towards expanding on what I’ve already written but I don’t tend to write super skimpy drafts that need actual fleshing out.

I do love [I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BUT TRANSITIONS ARE MAGIC] for areas I have a vague idea about, but there’s usually fully fleshed out scenes on either side of it. It’s just when I’m doing the editing to write thing that I’ll sometimes go, “Oh, wait, this would be much more impactful if I expanded a bit more.” So a one off line about Obi-Wan realizing that Palpatine ordered Maul to kill Qui Gon and is trying to corrupt Anakin, became a third of a chapter that I felt was really well rounded already both before and after that moment. Or a short paragraph about Glimmer and Catra riding back into work devolved into them teasing one another and got some good descriptions in (I’m so bad at describing physical things in stories, so that one line about Catra’s cheeks looking like hibiscus from her blushing was fucking god tier for me), and all the sudden I didn’t just have a short transition area, I had a full blown scene. (Thank you again dontcallmebugaboo for listening to me ramble about how the transition sucked and I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and you just said “romantic horse ride” and the clouds fucking parted, ilu) The most COMMON version of this is when Characters Suddenly Take Over and completely derail my story. Because then as I look around I go, “Hey yeah that could work, but I need a chapter about A and then need to seed in more references to B before I can expand on C.”  

So idk is the short answer lol. I tend to write things out as I go along and every so often I get jumped in a dark alleyway.

[brightly-painted-canvas]

for the series ‘fic I think about all the time but I’ll never be able write’, I’m honoured to present you:

Band of Brothers’s High School Football (and I mean soccer!) Team AU

featuring:

- the team’s name is Currahee Easy of Toccoa High School (I don’t make the rules... I mean yes I do, but you know...) and they’re basically shit at playing football/soccer - it’s not that they don’t have good individual players or don’t train hard enough, it’s that their coach, PE teacher Sobel, doesn’t know shit about tactics and theory and he’s just too much of a dick to admit it - so the team trains hard everyday under every weather condition, but they still suck in championship games - (it’s by then a well known thing in Toccoa High School) - except this year is senior year for a big chunk of the team and most of them really really want to win at least one game before parting ways and going to college - so some of them basically mutiny against Sobel and go beg Principal Sink for a new coach - (he’s easily convinced after he sees the disgraceful row of defeats the team managed to string in the past three years) (it’s disgusting) - he calls in his office the other PE teacher, Richard Winters (who’s in fact already the coach of the baseball team) and gives Winters the responsibility of coaching the football team as well - thing is: right until that moment Dick Winters knows nothing about football, but he’s not a bitch about it so he buys a lot of books and watches a lot of youtube videos and drags his best-friend-and-maybe-also-more Lewis Nixon (history teacher at Toccoa) to a bunch of games to study - he’s a good student because when he meets the team for the first time and they try some of the tactics out, they seem to work - (he goes with basic 4-4-2 formation but his full backs are fast and both his side midfielders can shift to the attack on the occasion) - so the championship starts and the boys are for once both physically and tactically ready (mentally not so much, but hey can you blame a rowdy team of 20 teenagers?)

- so the team is composed like this: - D. Hoobler as the keeper (2nd keeper: D. Webster, although everyone is secretly glad he never plays because last time he did he was reading books during the game when the ball was on the other side of the field... at least on the bench he can read as much as he wants and pretend to be too precious and literate to play sports) - “Buck” Compton and “Bull” Randleman as center backs (reserves: “Tab” Talbert and “Pat” Christenson) - “Babe” Heffron and Frank Perconte as full backs (reserves: “Popeye” Wynn and A. Blithe) - center midfielders: Joe Liebgott and Johnny Martin (reserve: D. Malarkey) - side midfielders: “Shifty” Powers and “Skip” Muck (reserve: A. Penkala) - forwards: Bill Guarnere and Joe Toye (reserves: “Chuck” Grant and P. O’Keefe) - coach: R. Winters; coach’s alcoholic husband: L. Nixon; 2nd coach: C. Lipton; manager: H. Welsh; assistant and medic: “Doc” Roe; referee: R. Speirs - (everyone is scared of the local referee as there are numerous rumors circulating about him, like the one that says he once stabbed a protesting player in the eye with the red card) - Toccoa also has a student radio broadcast and the designated sportcaster is George Luz, so he also follows the team in away games (and having him around helps with the team’s morale) - the first match is a draw, which is neither a good or a bad thing, but Winters is still kinda proud of the guys and buys ice cream for all of them and says inspirational things like “the best is yet to come” - the second match is a whole struggle against the defending champions of the previous year, which makes the opposite team’s players a bit too arrogant and which causes yellow cards to fly around - to the surprise of absolutely nobody Liebgott is the first to get a red card and gets sent out. To the surprise of everybody except his teammates, he’s double booked because he picks a fight not with the opposite team but with his own (specifically: Guarnere asking for more forward passes and Webster, still on the bench, for seemingly no reason at all). Luz announces that it’s probably the first time in the history of football that this happens (yay for a new embarrassing record for Currahee Easy!) - Easy loses in the last minutes after a struggle to maintain the 0 - 0 and Lipton has to intervene before the whole team riots against the referee (not Speirs this time) who also gives a penalty to the opposite team in recovery time. It ends 2 - 0 for the defenders and in the brawl that follows the three final whistles Heffron loses a shoe, Toye gets a bloody nose and Liebgott sneaks out from the locker room just to throw a few punches - they win the third match. The opposite team never shows up at Toccoa High School so it’s a forfeit win - (rumors say the opponents didn’t want to attend not because they were scared of Easy, but because they were scared of Speirs, the designated referee for the game) - after the sixth match they start to win for their own merits and everyone is ecstatic. The whole school gets involved (all thanks to Luz’s enthusiastic commentaries and sport-related news) and there’s suddenly an high attendance of audience at their games - some of them even gets fans, like some guy starting to admire Guarnere’s technique and some girl suddenly making banners for Christenson or even Webster (though that must be less for athletic merits and more for aesthetic reasons, much to all the other player’s displeasure)(and Liebgott’s absolute rage, though no one gets exactly why)(c’mon guys...) - they manage to end the championship at an average position in the chart and with enough points to access a row of head to head games - the last match of the season is one of those direct clashes and becomes very important not only because it’s the last match ever for the senior students, but also because winning would mean getting an access to summer play-off - everyone is super nervous - coach Winters makes another one of his nice motivational speeches which leaves almost everyone near-tears (even the tough ones)(and especially Lew, who still gets free access to the locker room despite not being directly involved with the team) - things turn bad real soon real fast because during the first half within minutes both Guarnere and Toye get a leg injury and need to be substituted by Grant and, to the whole team’s horror and desperation, sweet innocent O’Keefe - Doc Roe gets helped by Lip and Welsh to get Bill and Joe out of the pitch and most of all to placate their rage and frustration (my poor boys...) - despite the injuries and early substitutions, Shifty manages to score an outside the box stunning volley for the 1 - 0 that makes everyone in the audience literally freaks out - the opponents equalize right at the end of first half with a goal following a contested free kick right outside Easy’s penalty area - the second half ends on a draw despite the team’s best efforts in maintaining their shape and positions as well as their nerves (and everyone is extremely proud of them, but most of all surprised by Liebgott)(considering he’s not even being supervised by Martin, who had been substituted by Malark at some point) - after the first extra time Dick is already thinking about the penalties: to the sudden shock of everyone present at the game (and the delight of his hardcore fangirls), Hoob gets substituted with Webster - (all of Easy, as one man, think they’re doomed) - the penalties are a matter of even more nerves and sweat and tears, but the five kickers get chosen (Grant, Buck, Skip, Heffron and Shifty) and after that, everything is in their preferred foot (and in Web’s hands) - Web saves the first penalty and the whole school gasps in disbelief - (while Dick and Lip share a knowing smile on the bench) - Grant scores, Buck scores, Skip’s shot unfortunately gets saved and they’re back to equality - no one speaks (Luz included!), no one even blinks - Babe manages to score a stunning lob penalty that has the whole field freaking out again - (Bill from the bench points at him and screams: ‘That’s my boy!’ jumping on his uninjured leg) - Shifty scores with cynical precision (and Winters almost sobs out loud) - as Webster takes his position between the posts, silence falls again all around the pitch and tension is so thick it feels like it could be cut with a knife - right before the opponents fifth kicker positions the ball on the penalty spot, everyone takes a deep breath and holds it for seemingly endless minutes - Webster saves - everyone screams - chaos is everywhere - Lieb kisses Web on the mouth - someone cries - (probably Web’s fangirls) - (and also mama!Lip since he’s so proud of his boys) - after that everything is a blur of celebrations and tears and hugs and also other less celebrated kisses (but Babe gets one from Doc and Dick gets several ones from Lew and, to be fair, no one is really that surprised) - Luz loses his voice at some point and completely forgets being on air on the school’s radio as he runs down to the field to celebrate with the team (which results in long minutes of radio silence he’d be scolded for the next day)(and, for what is worth, he does not give a single fuck) - Easy chases coach Winters across the field and lift him in the air to celebrate, then they do the same for Lip and Welsh and (surprisingly?) Nixon - (Doc Roe refuses and hides behind Babe and Bill and everyone loves him too much to force him anyway) - more chaos ensues and rumors say the celebrations went on for weeks - (also some rumors say referee Speirs took part to the celebrations as 2nd coach Lipton’s date, but no one present ever confirmed or denied that) ...and that’s basically it. Sorry for any mistake: I typed this all in one go and my football terminology is strictly Italian-based (just as much as my football enthusiasm lol) so I may have got something wrong. Thanks a bunch to my sister @gaiayukari85 for having helped with the plot (as often happens when we create silly stories)

[chimchimjiminheadcanons]

Temptation/Chapter 2

Word count: 4,590

Warnings: Mentions of a near death incident (very close to a car crash), cursing, drowning, murder, alcohol, poking holes in religions (specifically Christian) and once again, please mention if I missed anything else I should put here :)

(M)/(1)/(3)

“You haven’t even seen the worst of it yet.”

"Hey there little miss perfect."  Finally after six hours of working, you're out of that hell hole you call a job. Said hell hole was busy today, meaning you went without a lunch break and your stomach was growling like an angry bear, begging for some kind of food in it. "For the last time," you groaned, "don't call me that." "Then what would you like me to call you?" "Chulgi I would rather die than talk right now."  It's kind of your fault Chulgi is even talking to you in the first place. You knew he was working here at the diner tonight and you haven't spoken to him in half a month. You doubted he'd let you get away with that. Yet he did. His shoulders rose and fell and he swung around, back facing towards you while he busied himself cleaning a milkshake glass. "The usual grumpy pants?" You groaned again. "What? You told me not to call you miss perfect, this is the only other nickname that suits you." "I'm not grumpy just... Tired." "You get grumpy when you're tired." "No I don't!"  Chulgi snickered, shaking his head and pouring the freshly made (F/F) milkshake into the tall glass and pressing a candy straw down into it. "Since when did you guys start using these?" You poked said protruding straw, Chulgi moving to sit up on the counter beside you. "Since customers started complaining about paper straws falling apart in their milkshakes." "Oh," you made a face at the sugary taste the straw brought to the drink. As if there wasn't enough sugar in it already. "Yeah. I told them all it was your fault we even had paper ones in the first place." "Hey! I just wanted to save the poor innocent sea turtles!" "We're literally as far away from the beach as possible here!" "Doesn't mean the straws won't end up in the water!"  Chulgi rolled his eyes. "Fine, but what are we supposed to do about the straws when someone wants one for water?" "No one drinks water with a straw," you retorted. "Plastic bottles are actually half of the problem too so plastic on plastic means dead turtles." "Do you really think people just dump their stuff in the ocean for fun?" "Some people do and whether they like it or not, sometimes it ends up there."  Chulgi let out a sigh. The two of you always have conversations like this because of your polar opposite personalities. For some reason being so different means that you get along so well. You suppose all of that opposites attract bullshit might actually be true. Still, Chulgi doesn't do much for his environment, claims to be leaving it for the 'hippies and professionals.' He sees you as the former purely because you like turtles and hate the images people use to guilt trip you into feeling bad about using straws and buying oranges in those weird orange net bags.  You suppose the nickname Miss Perfect really did suit you in a way. You've always been a good kid, a goodie two shoes whom most people hated purely because you're good at everything and nice to everyone. Though you find it difficult to believe in higher powers and what they seem to think is right and wrong, you've always tried to do what is good for the world and everyone in it. You like to make as much of a change as you can. "You know," Chulgi slid off of the counter and took the glass for you once it was empty. "Maybe you shouldn't try so hard."  Chulgi's words confused you and yet still sent a pang of pain to your heart. You weren't trying too hard... Right? "What do you mean?" "To be perfect y'know? People have flaws and," he paused. "And you don't always have to hide yours with good things like saving turtles." "I'm not trying to hide anything Chulgi." "Yeah well, it really feels like you are. You're not the same as you were in high school, in fact, it feels like you're not the same - even after a month." "I..." "We're closing soon," Chulgi turns his back to you. Inside of his mind, he's insecure. He feels so little compared to you and it feels like being friends with you is only you showing him how much better he could be. But he can't be better, he can't change because it's not who he is. You make him angry - partly because you're so much better and partly because you push every good thing you do on him. "You should probably go." "Chulgi-" "We can talk later."  Chulgi untied his apron from behind his back and hung it on one of the hangers and when he turned around again with an apology he should have said dancing on his tongue, you were already gone. He could tell from here that he had hurt you, he had fucked up and he had said the wrong thing. He should never have brought that up, he knows it's just a part of who you are and he also knows that you'll forgive him far too easy. He knows you let people walk all over you. You're too perfect and you're too kind.  You're beyond upset. You're sad and angry and confused all at once and all of this piles up when hot tears start leaking from your tired, (E/C) eyes. You didn't even care anymore, storming out on to the road and wiping your eyes at exactly the wrong time. You hear the screeching of breaks and light makes you squint when two large, round headlights shine light on you in the dark of the night. You can't move, paralysed with fear and suddenly, your feet no longer feel the comfort of the ground underneath, someone's picked you up.  Things are fading in and out and as you spin you noticed the driver jumping from the seat of his truck. His jaw is dropped, fear and confusion leaving him breathless as he searches for you on the road, but you're not there, you've disappeared and now all you can see is the bright white gummy smile of someone. Nothing else is visible except darkness and that smile. You can still feel arms around your midriff and suddenly, there's nothing and you fall, hard. "Ouch!" There's a lump on your forehead and you can feel it with the soft palm of your hand. You've landed somewhere, somewhere hard yet soft. Something is tickling your nose and when you lift your head and the rest of your body so you can sit upright, you glance around you and notice thick walls of leaves and... Grass? "What the..."  You could've sworn you were just at the diner. There's no grass near there for miles, it's in the middle of a city. Yet still here you are wearing the same thing you were wearing before when you almost got hit by a truck. Black sweater and jeans with a pair of docs, laces tied tightly enough to cut off the circulation in your feet (they're a size too big for you, so there's not much of a choice) and hair slightly messy from the long day of stress.  You know it can't possibly be the same day, it's so bright here that it's almost blinding. Little do you know its all a chimera, an illusion you are yet to have poked holes in and that's when you notice the figure that has been sitting in front of you this entire time.  You speedily jump to your feet, eyes almost falling out of your head at the sight in front of you. A man with blondish silver tinted hair sits on a throne. That's right, a throne and not just any throne either but one just as silver as the strands of hair mentioned previously. The throne had snakes for armrests, fangs dripping a green substance onto the pavement below, pooling in puddles of green. His eyes don't meet yours in fact - he seems completely uninterested in you, instead focusing on the glass in his hand, filled with the same green substance.  This particular part of what you can only assume is a maze is on a flat surface while that particular part has stone stairs leading upwards. The throne is higher than all of the maze, almost so high you can't make out the features of said man. Part of you wonders if you should attempt to speak to him or turn the other way and run.  Jimin watches you from here. He's perched upon one of the mazes high walls, almost completely invisible to you. Curiosity and wonder are his drives for being here, wondering what you'll do before watching you walk towards an exit. Just as you reached it, a silver gate grew from underneath the earth and blocked your path, shining snake head lock (you have to risk putting your hand in it's mouth to unlock it) protruding from it's bars, spikes making it physically impossible to climb the gate without getting hurt. There is no other escape and it is this shaking of the earth beneath him that disturbs Namjoon. "You're awake," Namjoon simpered. "It's been a day and four hours." Namjoon placed his glass on one of the snake's heads which out of the blue moved and curved around the crystal glass, snake's mouth clasping it and holding it safe, green liquid still dripping from it's fangs and now into the glass. "Come here."  You didn't move. Something about Namjoon was sinister, something about him made you fear him and you didn't want to get any closer than what you already were - as far away as possible. It was like your feet were glued to the ground, you wouldn't dare take a single step. Namjoon chuckles at this display of fear. He's never been feared before he's even begun before. "You are already a pain in the ass," he sighs, "it's no surprise that you ended up here."  He stands from his throne and you watch as the steps in front of him move to suit each step he takes. It's almost like he's gliding on ice all the way down, he doesn't even need to bother walking. You wonder what he means by ended up here. "W-where," you curse your stutter. Namjoon is getting closer, making your heart beat rapidly in your chest. If it weren't for the gate behind you, you would run. "Where is here?" "Where is here?"  Your voice echoes back to you, though it doesn't make any sense. Tall walls of leaves and thorns with twisted black roses should not echo. Yet it does, playing back to you in a way that makes you shiver. Soon enough you notice that Namjoon isn't the same as he was before, his eyes have changed colour from a dark pooling red to (E/C). The same exact colour as your eyes. "How..." Again your voice echoes and Namjoon grins at this. "You're in a maze and one that won't be easy to get out of."  You figured as much already so to this you nod. "In order to escape, you need keys. Keys for gates just like the one you seem to think will bring you safety," Namjoon stalked even closer than before and he wasn't wrong, you had backed so far away that your back had almost hit said gate in attempts to get away. "Each gate is different, each key is different and each person you will encounter is different." "W-what do you mean?" "What I mean is that," he points to the snake near your neck. "You need a key from me to get out of here. One that goes right in there and in order to get it, you have to beat me." "Beat you?" "Did I stutter?"  You gulped feeling a lump forming in your throat. Namjoon had no intentions of harming you and has made it very clear by now judging by the fact that he hasn't attacked you and though he is getting closer, he brings no weapon with him. Yet that daunting sound of your voice bouncing off the walls is caused by him, an attempt to mimic you for future purposes, said purpose he is trying to explain. "I'm not sure how much you humans believe in heaven and hell nowadays," his hands press into the pockets of the tight black jeans gripping his thighs. "It seems you've all strayed from your path. None the less, you've been dropped right into the maze of the six sins." "Aren't there supposed to be-" "Yes I've heard it before," Namjoon sighed, extending his hand beside him and you watch in terror as the snake - still holding Namjoon's drink - comes alive and slithers towards him. "There are supposed to be seven of us. And that's why you're here." "Why I'm here?" "In a nutshell, yes." He pauses for a moment, lifting the glass to his lips and smirking as you watch the hot, green liquid pour down his throat. "It's a long story that I don't feel like explaining but, if you make it out of here alive, there remains six of us. If you don't, we will gain a seventh." "Will that," you gulped, "will that seventh be me?"  Namjoon doesn't answer, only drops his glass as the snake recoils. The crystal shatters and the floor beneath you morphs into a smooth marble. "I think that's enough questions for now."  When your head lifts from staring at the tiles, you realize Namjoon is gone. Instead of that grassy maze, tall pillars stretch to hold the high roof and as you look back down again you realize your docs have been replaced by a pair of heels. It feels painful to walk in them you realize as you take a step forward, yet as you continue to walk, it becomes easier to do so. You notice that there's a mirror against the wall on the opposite side of the house and you break into a jog to reach it.  It looks like you've travelled back in time, diamond earrings falling from your earlobes and hair long, smooth, shimmering and tied back into a bun on the side of your head. In this bun, a feather is placed in the center and you notice that your chest feels tighter than usual. A corset. It's uncomfortable but luckily, the skirt brushing against your thighs wasn't one too huge to move and instead was made of a kind of black silk trickling down the skin of your legs, showing only the front of it. It felt different, but not bad.  Beside you, there's a few oak tables and on the wall there's what you can only assume is a phone. It's different, a dial - one that you recognize from a long time ago - on the side and strangely bulky. Painting's littered the walls, ones with incredible details. This would have to be the house of someone rich a loooong time ago.  You glance around the room some more and notice a portrait sitting upon a table and reaching out to it curiously, you lift it from the table and notice a familiar face. It's Namjoon and he's sitting there with his mother and father and by the looks of it, a younger brother. The two boy's hands are folded in their laps, parent's hands on their shoulders and fake smiles pulled as they stare into the camera. Namjoon's eyes look as sinister as you remember, pooling with anger and a red as dark as fresh blood. It makes you shiver and when you look up, you're no longer alone.  Namjoon looks exactly like he does now - you suppose that means the sins never age - except in different clothing. It's a suit of some sort and suspenders stretch across his front. You have to admit, he looks incredibly handsome. No. You shake your head. You should not be thinking like this about someone like Namjoon. He's probably - no - definitely at least a hundred years older than you. Gross.  Namjoon places the jacket he had slung over his shoulder on a coat stand near the door and pushes a hand through strands of dark black hair. There's whiskey on the table and he pours it for himself, clutching it in one of his strong hands and swirling the liquid around, staring out the window at the beautiful gardens of flowers and grass all around his house.  His family is definitely rich. So rich that he's spoiled so then, why does he stay here rather than getting his own home somewhere else? Why is he still with his family? Before you could work out the answer for yourself, a young boy who looks about the age of twelve walks out from the hall. His dress shirt isn't tucked in his pants like the older boy's is, instead it's out and messy and he's holding a stuffed animal to his chest. "Brother!" The child smiles and runs towards Namjoon, bringing a similar smile to your face before you notice how coldly Namjoon addresses his brother. There is no 'hello,' no 'how was your day,' no 'isn't it nice outside today brother?' Just cold. Silence. The younger male wraps his tiny arms as far around the older's torso as possible but Namjoon doesn't move, only sips his whiskey and stares out at the view. "You've been gone for so long! I'm pleased that you are home now."  Namjoon turns towards his brother. "You're a mess child, have you been running around in the garden again?" Namjoon's voice is laced with something unfamiliar and angry. His smirk is menacing, yet the child doesn't fear him, only smiles the brightest smile you've ever seen. "I wanted to get flowers for mother, her and father argued this morning and I felt like it might brighten her spirits." "She hates it when you kill all of her flowers," Namjoon hisses and turns back towards the window. "You're so inconsiderate."  This makes you frown. Namjoon's younger brother is innocent, trying to do what he thought would make things better and Namjoon has brushed him off, made him feel bad about it. The younger boy's arms slowly grow limp and drop from Namjoon's torso, a notion which makes you almost want to cry. The younger's smile had dropped, instead solemnly looking out the same window Namjoon was. "If you want to do something for mother that will make her happy," the older starts, "start yourself a bath and be clean when she arrives home."  To this the younger nodded and disappeared from sight, back down the hall and then into a room on the left. Namjoon stood there for a moment and then a moment longer until he heard water rushing from the faucet and into the bathtub. It scares you how quickly he drops the glass of whiskey to the ground, bronze liquid spilling on perfect floors and again just like you had seen when he shattered the glass earlier, said glass spread beneath his shoe-less feet. He did not care. He continued to walk forwards through the glass and you followed as he stormed down the hallway. Terror and curiosity makes you shiver, especially when he swung the door of the bathroom open and allowed it to hit against the wallpaper covered wall.  Namjoon's younger brother was sitting in the bath. His stuffed animal was sitting on the sink and he was talking to it while covering his face with bubbles. It seemed so innocent, so adorable and you nearly screamed knowing exactly what Namjoon was planning. "Oh hello brother, I'm doing fine you don't need to-"  Namjoon lent on the edge of the bath and grabbed his brother by the shoulders. Tears leaked from his eyes - much to your surprise - as he pushed the adolescent's head underneath the water. There were screams from underneath the bubbles and the floor was wet from water that had spilled from all of the thrashing and fighting the younger did. Namjoon was relentless, you covered your eyes in fear for the nightmares you would see for the rest of your life as the younger boy's lungs filled with soapy, warm water. "You are the little rat who took everything from me!" Namjoon's voice came out in a yell, almost loud enough to shake the roof above the boys. "They only care about you! They allow you to do whatever you please! They give you more than me and all for what brother! You are the most disgusting creature I've ever known, I'm going to take the life they gave you just to torture me away with my own two hands!"  Tears began to leak from your eyes as the fight the younger boy was putting up started to become less and less intense. Water no longer splashed over the edges and though Namjoon's eyes leaked tears too, he continued to push the boy under. "I cannot let things go on like this brother. I will be the center of their attention again. They will only care for me. They will spoil me and love me and never give time to you any longer for a dead boy is no fun is he?"  And then the thrashing stopped. There was no more splashing, no more yelling, no more screaming, just daunting silence. Namjoon's breath came out in heaves. He wouldn't allow himself to feel guilt for this. Not now, not ever. He was the one who deserved the attention. He was the one who deserved to inherit his father's company, not that boy. That boy was nothing. Not to him and as selfish as it was, it benefited him so why should he care. A smirk stretched across his face, one that disgusted you when you noticed it.  His younger brother only ever gave him love. Only ever cared for Namjoon and his parents, he never cared for himself. Everything he did was right, everything he did was perfect and Namjoon killed him because his parents cared more about the younger, gave more to the younger, payed more attention to the younger. It wasn't fair, so he killed the purest creature to ever grace his life, and now he leaves the bathroom, hands covered in water after draining the tub and leaving the twelve year old boy's lifeless body there to dry and shrivel before his parents arrive home.  You shiver, yet notice that you're back in front of the mirror. Thoughts about what happened make you gag and this eventually leads to you shivering, legs wobbling and struggling to hold you up as you throw up into a potted plant near that very window Namjoon kept glancing out.  After composing yourself, you look at your reflection again, it morphs to one that looks exactly like you except... Better. This version of yourself is slimmer, eyes glimmering and when she smiles, dimples dig into her cheeks. She stares at you through the mirror and looks you up and down. You find yourself suddenly covering your stomach with your arms and turning from the mirror.  Your stomach churns, suddenly feeling lesser than the reflection of yourself in the mirror and soon you realize that the corridor you had taken to running down - heels clacking against the marble and skirt twisted in your palms as you attempt to move as fast as possible away - had thousands of mirrors lining it and in those mirrors was that same reflection, that same version of you that was so much better. She's miss perfect, you're miss boring and suddenly a familiar feeling of jealousy twists in your chest.  Pieces of the puzzle come together now. Envy. That has to be Namjoon's sin, that has to be why he mimicked you and why he stole your eyes. He has to have been a normal person once but the scene you saw before explained everything to you. He was jealous of his brother, so jealous that he killed him. And that's how he ended up as the sin of envy. That has to be why your reflection cackles and giggles as she watches you run by, moving from mirror to mirror because no matter where you go, she'll always be there and always better than you. Some sort of twisted understanding dawns on you now. Chulgi must feel like this when you talk about the things you do to him. He must always feel like a bad person and that you're so much better. And it's this that makes you stop at the end of the haul, paired with exhaustion. "You," you glare at the girl in the mirror who seems shocked by the way you address her between broken up huffs. "You are not me. You are not perfect and I don't want to be you."  The girl in the mirror's smirk has long dropped from her face as she stands there arms crossed against her chest. "I'm not jealous of you!" Your brain works on overdrive and you start to analyse each and every thing Namjoon has shown you earlier. After all, he's a smart man - you've realized - and he's hidden hints with each word he says, each action he does and maybe it's a lie. Maybe you are jealous of that reflection, that projection of you that is everything you wish you were and more, that reflection of you that is you but without all the things you're insecure about but no one is perfect. Again you realize something that Chulgi has said to you before, you don't need to work so hard to hide your flaws. You're perfect as you are and though it may hurt you to know you'll never be that reflection, you realize that you don't want to be. You really don't want to be.  Before you ended up here, Namjoon dropped his glass. He drained it of liquid and dropped it to the ground and as it shattered, you ended up here. Suddenly you realize the way out of here is to do exactly the same thing. Destroy the glass - or you guess in this situation, the mirror. Without thinking, your luckily gloved fist collides with the smooth surface and you come to the conclusion far too late that this action brings with it so many years of bad luck, but it was so worth it to see that false reflection's face shatter, and now you can see the shards scattered on the ground coming back together again. You can see your true reflection and you look so beautiful. At this you kneel, careful to avoid any shards that haven't connected back to the main mirror and stare. Except... Something is different. A key is hanging from the roof, one with a snake shaped handle and you gasp, reaching up and tugging it from the thread it was hanging on. This had to be it. It had to be the key. "I have to say," Namjoon laughed, "you did a pretty great job."  You flinched hearing the man's voice. You were back in the maze again, key clutched in your hand except now instead of cowering in fear at the sight of Namjoon, your eyes thin and rage seeps through your body. "You... You killed him!"  Namjoon grins and sighs, turning - his back was facing you beforehand - and facing you. "I'm one of the six deadly sins my dear, you haven't even seen the worst of it yet."

[sawamura-daichis-thighs]

get to know the author

I was tagged by @yaoyoroses :D thank you En!

Tag | @l1nkp1t​, @astersandstuffs​, @eccentrick-stardust​, @amajikies​, & @hajiiwa​ (if any of you would like to!)

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? i wanted a Haikyuu!! themed username since i fell deep so here we are :3 in terms of my ao3 username, Miah_Kat, it’s a mashup of my nickname & a name for an old OC; i use some variation of it as a default whenever i make a new account somewhere bc i’m bad at thinking up usernames on the spot. ^^”

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos). what if i told you...? is at the top with 734 hits & 133 kudos (!!!!! holy crow) on tumblr, Cafuné is the most popular with 46 notes :”D

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it? it’s of megane Oikawa! ^^ i chose it because he’s one of my favorite characters & he looks damn good in glasses

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters? @l1nkp1t, @wallynorthbynorthwest, @ninja-spacenerd, & @littleop always leave me wonderful comments/tags that never fail to brighten my day!! ❤❤❤❤

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again? hmmm i can’t think of one off the top of my head but y’all should def check out my bookmarks & fic rec tag for some awesome works!!

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked? i’m subscribed to 46 users, 20 series, & 127 works. I’ve bookmarked 257.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most? i don’t stray far from canon-compliant stuff but i find myself writing a lot of getting together, first kisses, or domestic fluff kind of stuff. If I’m going to go full-AU though I lean towards fantasy.

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page) i have 8 user subscribers, 17 unspecified subscriptions, & 111 bookmarks total ^^

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!) mmm well i think every writer has some general fears of being judged, regardless of what’s written. for me, maybe smut since i just don’t write it often (& i’ve only ever posted one fic that has it)

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc. writing in general?? lol idk i’d like to be more...dedicated, i guess? i can’t seem to finish anything without it taking months. i also have a hard time with details, so i’d like to find a good middle-ground with that. oh, and world-building when writing fantasy (it’s just so much work aslkdjfk)

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often? i write popular ships more often but i’m absolutely open to writing rarepairs! i know it can be disheartening to really love a ship but not be able to find much content for it, so i don’t mind getting rarepair requests. i like making people happy if i can :)

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)? 33 on ao3

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program? 18 WIPs in Google Docs & probably...10+ in my laptop files?

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head? oh, definitely write them down! i can keep them in my head for a little while but there’s a 95% chance of not remembering them after something distracts me lol

15. Have you ever co-authored a story? kind of? back in high-school my best friend & i used to write stories together. it was all for fun though, nothing that ever made it to a site. i think it would be fun to do a collab with someone though! :D

16. How did you discover AO3? i think a post from tumblr linked me to it & i’d seen a lot of people talking about it, so i gave it a shot.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3? HAH no way lmao  😂😂😂

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers? not really. i just think everyone who reads my stuff are wonderful, lovely people ^^

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write? i’ve read basically my whole life and fanfiction led me to writing. there wasn’t a specific story or author though; just the realization that i could also put my own twist on characters/fandoms i enjoyed. i also have an amazing best friend who supported my passion when it first began, so she’s definitely a huge part of why i continued to write.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author? read. a lot. write, even when you don’t want to or think it sucks. as with any kind of art, experience and practice is the only way you’ll get better. be open to constructive-criticism but don’t let the “rules” overwhelm or suffocate your passion. most importantly: write what you like! what you want to read! have fun with it!

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go? oh jeez, it’s a mixture of both? i usually start with a scene in my head that makes me go “i wanna write that” but then i have to find a way to get to the scene? so i either wing it, if the idea was clear enough, or i scribble down an outline to get my base ideas down but leave wiggle room for inspiration during the writing process.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do? i’m sure i have, back when i first started; i likely commented back that if it wasn’t their preference, there was no need to read the fic or leave a rude comment behind.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)  a c t i o n, definitely. i also get kind of stuck on kisses? idk how much detail to put into them lol

24. What story(s) are you working on now? even tho i’m slow af about it i’m currently working on 2 actively:

a makoharu gift exchange fic!

a klance fic with which i’m taking my first steps into writing for VLD (i’m jumping on the bandwagon where they’re somehow physically stuck together (via alien handcuffs in mine) for a time & grow closer as a result)

i’m always sorta-kinda working on my various iwaoi fics; the nipple-piercing fic is near completion & i’ve recently remembered my single dads au that i hope to work more on soon ^^

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)? pffftt all the time. the ideas are definitely more forthcoming than the Muse & motivation like to be.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself? nope. i tried that for a while but it didn’t stick.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started? absolutely! although i sometimes have mixed feelings about it, concentrating in creative writing definitely helped me improve in many ways.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written? i don’t...really...have one? ^^” i guess i am particularly fond of with a hoarse voice, under the blankets just because i feel i managed to get the atmosphere & imagery i wanted

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written? anything from when i first began lol

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years? hopefully still improving & enjoying what i write (as well as finishing what i start aslkdjfk). i’m not aiming for publication or anything; i just want to write for fun.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing? getting the ideas!

32. What is the hardest thing about writing? to quote En: “e v e r y t h i n g”

33. Why do you write? it’s fun! i enjoy making the ideas i have in my head come to fruition on paper. i like experimenting with styles and imagery & characters. i enjoy the happy dance my heart does when i know i’ve described a scene or a character just right. i’ve made a lot of amazing friends through writing & i love knowing something i’ve created might bring a smile to someone. ❤

[moramew]

1, 3, 4, 14, 17, 21, 23, 24 :)

That’s so many :3

This got long so sticking it under the read more!

1) favorite fic you wrote this year

Mmmm, boy. This one is really, really hard for me- considering 98% of my fics on ao3 were written this year. There are so many;;;;I think just... “Aces” It’s my baby and I love it and- even though it hasn’t been updated in a while- it’s my favorite. My pet project.

3) favorite line/scene you wrote this yearTHERE ARE SO MANY

I’m really, really fond of this scene from Aces, Chapter 4:“If you’re waiting for me to fall to the floor and sob in gratitude, then you’ll be waiting until your very last breath,” Sugawara says flatly, words a little shaky as he wipes at his face again with the sleeve of the sweater and stands up on unsteady legs. “You’re just lucky Tooru isn’t himself- you’d be dealing with someone a thousand times more scathing.” There’s a bitter laugh, Sugawara tilting his head to the side and smiling in dark amusement. “Or maybe not. He’d probably already have you kissing his feet.”

Before Iwaizumi or Kyoutani can say anything, Sugawara takes a deep breath and steadies himself, shoulders thrown back and head held high.

4) total number of words you wrote this year

Mmm, I’m just going to go with the ao3 count. That’s at 413,579 for this year. I could easily take on another 50-100k if I went through and added on my wip word count from Docs.

14) a fic you didn’t expect to write

Ah....hmm. Most? A great deal of them has be written on the fly. But...”Treat,” probably. If I had to choose one.

17) fics you’ll continue next year

Every wip that I have on ao3 with the exception of “Blood & Honey.” It might take a while to update them, but they will be continued c:

21) most memorable comment/review

OOOOOOOOOH. Ooooh, there are so many. The first one that popped into my head was this comment on “Aces”:“first things first i saw the content warning of “sexual content” and was literally that little fucking smirking emoji because im a fucking goon.something soft he’s not able to get under different circumstancesAny little peek into what their lives were like before Suga and Oikawa is a blessing and i’m here for it.“Koushi will be upset,” he whispers.This was an interesting moment because it shows that Oikawa is out of it, definitely, but he’s with it enough to notice things. Or maybe it’s more of a memory? I don’t know, but either way it’s a nice little tidbit!There’s a tiny whimper at that and he chances smoothing his thumb over Oikawa’s cheekbone, earns a shiver and Oikawa just going so slack and pliant, fucking melting against his palm. “-and making sure you’re okay. I got you out of there. I’m going to take care of you.”Something strange falls over Sugawara’s face when he looks at the middle of the bed to where Iwaizumi had tossed the bottles and bread. He looks almost shocked, stunned. A bit bewildered, maybe. There’s a happy little crow from Oikawa, a hand reaching out to snatch up the pack of bread and Sugawara blinks once, brings his knees up to his chest and hugs them tight. Iwaizumi raises a brow at the odd response and Sugawara chews on his bottom lip, hunches his shoulders.Is it weird that I feel so bad for Suga with moments like this? I can see Oikawa and Iwaizumi growing closer, even though it’s such small happenings, and my heart breaks for Suga. I keep remembering that line from the last chapter, when Kyoutani is pondering Suga and Oikawa and notices the way Oikawa is basically the reason Suga has kept his shit a little together (or a lot together, all things considered) - He’s probably constantly a moment away from a panic attack but having someone to look out for must keep him wanting to stave it off. - That line killed me and now reading any sort of interaction between Iwaizumi and Oikawa is that much more painful.Fucking little shit agreeing that he missed Iwaizumi. God, is he trying to kill him?The thing about Kyoutani is that he’s blunt. Frustratingly upfront about his thoughts and opinions. Blunt and apathetic. Doesn’t care about shit, doesn’t think to enjoy most things. So when he actually shows any sign of feeling something- wanting something- it’s just so-Is this what my life is going to be? Me constantly fangirling over your characterization of Kyoutani? Probably. Especially when there are scenes like this. I love that we’re getting this from Iwaizumi, the person who knows Kyoutani best, the one person Kyoutani gives two shits about.Look, I’ve never given two fucks about teeth before when reading any sort of sexy time, but you’re out here writing about Iwaizumi’s apparent fascination with Kyoutani’s teeth and now I’m like… yeah, obviously teeth are sexy. Fucking duh.The entire scene with Iwaizumi telling Kyoutani he wants to take care of Oikawa and Suga was superb. I loved the dialogue between them, the way Kyoutani accepts it and admits to Iwaizumi’s predictability. AND THEIR LITTLE VERSION OF SWEET AND DOMESTIC! Kyoutani pulling him into his lap and talking breakfast… just fuck me up, thanks. Also, love me some Futakuchi, so I was so glad that he showed up for that little bit. A great time.There’s still the feeling of having seen Sugawara before. Something just itches at his mind, tugs at his memories. He’s so sure he’s seen Sugawara before. He just can’t remember where. It’s not like he hangs out with college kids. It’s not like he hangs out anywhere that he’d see such a sweet looking face.I have brought this up before, but there are so many fucking questions and I’m just sitting here with my peabrain trying to guess what’s going to happen and i have no. fucking. clue.”

I LIVE FOR THESE TYPES OF COMMENTS. The sense of validation is just so- god.

23) fics you wanted to write but didn’t

Oooh, so many with these too. There’s a kyouyachi shifter au I want to write with Fancy Kitten being the Pet of a druglord and undercover pup investigating. Um, a multiverse IwaOi au. A few variants of a superhero au. KyouYachi ballet/mma fighter au. UshiYama college au. MatsuYachi demon/witch au. IwaOiSuga abo/college au. And just...so many. So, so, so many.

24) favorite fic you read this year

Hnnnn. All of them?

Ah, my first thought jumped to “Turn Off the Lights” so there’s that c:

[eos10transcriptions]

102 - Hi, I’m Ryan (transcription)

102 - HI I’M RYAN

Transcribed by: @taylorswiftscolonexploded

Read on google docs: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ESIQ4Vjns0riRSQCCWW6Cpp_ZqmuCZoEfGy5x_6Ct9s/edit?usp=sharing

SCENE 1 (CREW STACKS)

SOUND: HUMMING NOISES, BEEPING

JANE:

Dr. Dalias?

RYAN (sleepily):

Yeah?

JANE:

Sorry to wake you.

RYAN:

No…

SOUND: BANG

RYAN (CONT’D):

Ugh! Dammit!

JANE:

What was that?

RYAN:

My head. I’m...in the crew stacks and just...forgot.

JANE:

Why are you in the crew stacks?

RYAN:

I’ve not been assigned quarters yet.

JANE:

Well, what’s taking so long?

RYAN:

The quartermaster said if all the regular maintenance to the upper habitat ring is

finished this afternoon he’ll have them ready whenever he damn well pleases.

JANE:

That sounds like him.

RYAN:

He might die from being pushed out of the airlock. Just saying. So, what do you

need?

JANE:

I think you should come to the promenade.

TRANSITION TO: SCENE 2 (PROMENADE)

RYAN:

Hey, so, what’s up?

JANE:

Dr. Urvidian. Waaaay up.

RYAN:

Is that-?

JANE:

Yep.

RYAN:

How high is that?

JANE:

Fourth level, so about 60 meters? And nothing but vacant shops up there. He’s

been hanging from that railing for the better part of the past half hour.

RYAN:

Doing what?

JANE:

Waiting, apparently.

RYAN:

For?

JANE:

You.

URVIDIAN (distant):

Dr. Dalias! This is what you wanted!

JANE:

Sooo is he’s-?

RYAN:

Sober? Yes.

JANE:

For how long?

RYAN:

Well...let’s see...I left his office about 7 hours ago, so… 7 hours and 10 minutes?

JANE:

Oh! Well, he’s doing much better than I would’ve thought.

CUT TO: THEME

SCENE 3 (PROMENADE)

URVIDIAN:

You mustn’t get too close, Dr. Dalias.

RYAN:

Why, are you gonna jump?

URVIDIAN:

No, but I am going to push you.

RYAN:

Here.

URVIDIAN:

What’s this?

RYAN:

Metalaxiton. It’ll help ease the withdrawal symptoms.

URVIDIAN:

I know what metalaxiton does. Tell me Dr. Dalias, do you have anything that will ease the soul magnum tedium of everyday life?

RYAN:

Yeah. It’s called alcohol.

(PAUSE)

Sorry. Bad joke. Here, you take this.

URVIDIAN:

I don’t want it.

RYAN:

Why the hell not?

URVIDIAN:

Because addiction is not just physical datament. If i’m going to end my

dependency, it’s going to come from willpower and strength of character, not a

pill.

RYAN:

(SCOFFS)

Willpower and strength of character? You’ve been sober for half a day and you’re

hanging off a ledge 60 meters above the promenade.

URVIDIAN:

Momentary setback. And, hello, Mr. Supportive. Are you not supposed to be

encouraging or something?

RYAN:

Yes. That’s why I’m telling you to take the metalaxiton.

URVIDIAN:

And I told you I don’t want it.

RYAN:

You’re showing all the signs of withdrawal.

URVIDIAN:

Am not.

RYAN:

Are too.

URVIDIAN:

Am not!

RYAN:

Are too!

URVIDIAN:

Shut up, cretan!

RYAN:

Really?!

URVIDIAN:

Just...help me off this ledge.

RYAN:

Fine.

(PAUSE)

You okay?

URVIDIAN:

How humiliating.

RYAN:

What?

URVIDIAN:

Do you see the crowd that’s gathered?

RYAN:

Well...can you blame them?

URVIDIAN:

All to watch me plunge to my death.

(PAUSE)

No, actually.

RYAN:

You are legendary. Like it or not.

URVIDIAN:

Stop patronizing me.

RYAN:

No, seriously, some of them even made signs! No way they would’ve gone

through that trouble if you were just some dockhand or engineer.

URVIDIAN:

Oh, yes. I particularly love the one anticipating joy over my freshly cracked skull.

RYAN:

You can read that from up here?

URVIDIAN:

You can’t?

RYAN:

No, I was just hoping you couldn’t, y’know, you being so ollll- oh I like the glitter

on that one, don’t you?

URVIDIAN:

Oh, yes, it’s spectacular! That is not, however, how you spell “Jackass”.

RYAN:

I’m guessing English isn’t his first language seeing as how he’s a giant insect.

(DEEP BREATH)

Will you please just take the Metalaxiton?

URVIDIAN:

NO! No! I’ve decided on the matter, and I will thank you not to bring it up again.

RYAN:

Do you like suffering?

URVIDIAN:

Yes. Stubborn, thing, are you not?

RYAN:

I’m not doing anything I wouldn’t do for any-

URVIDIAN:

What?

RYAN:

Nothing.

URVIDIAN:

Patient. You were going to say patient!

RYAN:

No I wasn’t!

URVIDIAN (laughing):

You think I’m your patient?

RYAN:

Well….

URVIDIAN:

Well, what?

RYAN:

You’re kind of my patient…

URVIDIAN:

Oh, I am nothing of the kind I assure you!

RYAN:

Fine. Fine! I’m not your doctor, you’re not my patient! Physician, screw thyself!

URVIDIAN:

It’s ‘heal’. The phrase is “Physician, heal thyself.”

RYAN:

I’m just trying to help.

URVIDIAN:

Your medical advice is completely unnecessary. There’s nothing you can tell me

that I don’t know.

RYAN:

Probably true.

URVIDIAN:

Definitely true.

RYAN:

Okay, so, you won’t take the metalaxiton out of some perverse need for

self-flagellation, whatever, your choice. But, then, if that’s going to be the case,

there is something else I want, though, something maybe even more important.

URVIDIAN:

And that would be?

RYAN:

Uhh...there’s...a group that

URVIDIAN:

Noooo! No, no, no, no, no, no, nooooo, no, no.

RYAN:

You don’t even know what it is.

URVIDIAN:

If you think I’m twelve-stepping my way across EOS 10 just to keep a post where

I spend my days asking aliens to turn their heads, sometimes plural, and cough,

you’re out of whatever passes for a brain behind that huge, shiny forehead.

RYAN:

Would you just-?

URVIDIAN:

No! Noooo! Good day, Dr. Dalias.

RYAN:

It was. And then I woke up.

TRANSITION TO: SCENE 4 (INFIRMARY)

LEVI:

Dr. Dalias!

RYAN:

Hi, Levi.

LEVI:

You have to help me!

RYAN:

What’s the matter?

LEVI:

I’m dying!

RYAN:

No, you’re not.

LEVI:

I am! The Interface told me so!

RYAN:

The Interface told you so?

LEVI:

Yes! Interface?

SOUND: BEEPING

LEVI (CONT’D):

Am I dying?

INTERFACE:

Yes.

LEVI:

You see?

RYAN:

Interface, what is he dying of?

INTERFACE:

Progressive cellular senescence.

LEVI:

Oh god! It sounds horrible!

RYAN:

Levi, it means aging. Senescence is aging, a perfectly natural, normal biological

process.

LEVI:

How is that again?

RYAN:

You’re fine. You’re growing older, just like me, just like every living thing in the

universe. You didn’t think you’d live forever, did you?

LEVI:

Most days I don’t believe I’ll live to see dinner. It’s always such a surprise.

RYAN:

Trust me, you’re going to be here for a very, very long time.

LEVI:

Can you ballpark this for me?

RYAN:

Uhhh… 2…. 250 more years? On the low side.

LEVI:

That’s it?

RYAN:

How old are you now?

LEVI:

128.

RYAN:

That’s already more than the average human’s life span.

LEVI:

Oh. Oh, I see. You wretched species! I do have sympathy for you. Thank you,

Doctor! This does...put things in perspective.

RYAN:

Glad I could help.

LEVI:

Tell me, how do you deal with your ephemerality?

RYAN:

One day at a time. Unless you’re Dr. Urvidian, excuse me.

URVIDIAN (distant):

No no no no no no no no.

RYAN:

What is going on in here?

URVIDIAN:

She is interfering with my work!

JANE:

I’m just accompanying the doctor on rounds.

RYAN:

Is that unusual?

URVIDIAN:

Yes, when she also follows me into the bloody bathroom!

RYAN:

Okay that’s a little weird.

JANE:

He asked me to do a bioscan and the next thing I knew he’d slipped down the

hall and raided the pharmaceutical closet behind my back!

URVIDIAN:

Slanderous little witch!

JANE:

Hey!

RYAN:

Guys!

URVIDIAN:

She makes it sound so treacherous.

JANE:

Then why’d you try to distract me?

URVIDIAN:

By asking you to do your job? You would find pushing a few buttons on a scanner

mentally challenging, wouldn’t you?

RYAN:

Okay! Enough!

URVIDIAN:

I simply needed to retrieve an antibiotic course for Lieutenant Commander

Hargon, he’s contracted a nasty case of microbial encephalitis which I suspect he

received from a Terulian prostitute. Perhaps you know her, Nurse Johns.

JANE:

Hey!

RYAN:

That’s it?

JANE:

Check. His. Coat.

RYAN:

What?

JANE:

His white coat! When I saw him down the hallway something was weighing down

the left pocket.

URVIDIAN:

That’s absurd.

RYAN:

Let me see the coat.

URVIDIAN:

It’s nothing.

RYAN:

Then let me see it.

URVIDIAN:

No.

SOUND: RUSTLING

URVIDIAN (CONT’D):

Stop!

RYAN:

What are you afraid of?

URVIDIAN:

I said no!

RYAN:

This… what is this?

URVIDIAN:

It’s rubbing alcohol.

RYAN:

You were… going to drink this?

URVIDIAN:

No. Of course not. Don’t be so ridiculous! The door slid open and I… I was… you

wouldn’t... you wouldn’t understand.

JANE:

Got that right.

RYAN:

No, no! That is...that’s not...you’d be surprised what I might understand.

URVIDIAN:

It was...it was just staring at me. Mocking me.

RYAN:

What was?

URVIDIAN:

On the container. That word.

(lowly) Alcohol. A-l-c-o-h-o-l al-co-hol. I had to have it, I had to take it. I panicked.

(Normal) There. Are you happy? Do you have enough insight into my personal

psychopathy now? Or shall I share more, would you like to hear about medical

school and my trouble hiding erections in the cadaver lab?

RYAN:

Um...not really.

JANE:

Wow that explains so much.

URVIDIAN:

If you’ll excuse me.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS

JANE:

I totally get it though.

RYAN:

Yeah, addiction, alcoholism, they’re horr-

JANE:

No, I mean the cadaver thing. I totally get that!

RYAN:

One issue at a time, please.

TRANSITION TO: SCENE 5 (BAR)

RYAN:

Hey.

URVIDIAN: Oh goody. I was hoping my day would get worse.

RYAN:

How’s the drink?

URVIDIAN:

I don’t know yet. I haven’t tasted it. How’d you find me? I told the Interface to

withhold my location.

RYAN:

I put myself in your place, thought about what I would do if I were you. And here

we are. Level 9 bar.

URVIDIAN:

So. Less than 24 hours playing nanny to a drunk and you think you have some

marvelous insight?

RYAN:

I wasn’t wrong, was I? If you want to underestimate me, that’s fine, but I think you

know you’re doing it.

URVIDIAN:

Wrong, Dr. Dalias. It’s not you I’m underestimating, it’s your estimating the

situation that I’m concerned about which only appears on the surface to be

underestimation of you, the person, instead of what it is, accurate estimation of

your own estimating ability.

RYAN:

You… sure you haven’t had anything to drink today?

URVIDIAN:

I’ve been staring at this one. Imagining its exquisite effervescence, dreaming of

its vivacity, yearning to put it to my lips. And cursing myself for being a

weak-minded ninny.

RYAN:

It’s not just about willpower. But c’mon, when is the last time you’ve gone this

long without a drink? You’ve made it more than 12 hours.

URVIDIAN:

Is that cause for celebration?

RYAN:

It’s proof that you can do it.

URVIDIAN:

Do you know what I’ve been doing in the last 12 hours?

RYAN:

Aside from hanging on a ledge above the promenade?

URVIDIAN (quietly):

Yes.

RYAN:

No idea.

URVIDIAN:

I’ve been hoarding.

RYAN:

Hoarding?

URVIDIAN:

Those 12 hours I’ve managed to stow away my last 12 bottles of Cerliac Ale in

various strategic locations across the station.

RYAN:

Okay, but-

URVIDIAN:

Also, 48 bottles of vodka, 223 cases of wine from the vineyard on Neptune, 117

bottles of Tresian rum, 26 liters of champagne, 116 bottles of amarattle including

a Dieresian vintage, 17 varieties of whiskey from across Quadrant 3, three of the

last known bottles of Corona beer,(deep breath) and as you know, one bottle of

rubbing alcohol.

RYAN:

Umm… well.... that…

URVIDIAN:

As I explained earlier, Dr. Dalias, I panicked.

RYAN:

But, you haven’t had a drink.

URVIDIAN:

I dislike you.

RYAN:

Especially when I’m right, apparently.

URVIDIAN:

I’ve been thinking.

RYAN:

Uh oh.

URVIDIAN:

About- shut up- this troop of weak-minded namby-pambies you mentioned this

morning.

RYAN:

I’m pretty sure I didn’t say “weak-minded namby-pambies.”

URVIDIAN:

If one wanted to, say, observe this group in an academic sense, of course, where

might one find them?

RYAN:

One would find them in the habitat section, level 8, community room alpha at

1900 hours.

URVIDIAN:

Oh, that’s unfortunate.

RYAN:

What is?

URVIDIAN:

I’m busy then.

RYAN:

Doing what?

URVIDIAN:

Things.

RYAN:

Things?

URVIDIAN:

Yes.

RYAN:

What things?

URVIDIAN:

Important things. Once in a lifetime things.

TRANSITION TO: SCENE 6 (COMMUNITY ROOM)

FEMALE VOICE:

Hello? Hi, come on in!

URVIDIAN:

Thank you. I...I’m just here. I’m...in the wrong room apparently, I-I’ll just be going.

FEMALE VOICE:

If you’re looking for the SAA meeting, this is it!

URVIDIAN:

SAA?

FEMALE VOICE:

Substance Abuse Anonymous. We try to be all inclusive.

URVIDIAN:

Oh, well, then maybe...perhaps I’m in the right room.

FEMALE VOICE:

Have a seat! We’re just getting started with the introductions!

SOUND: DOOR OPENING

RYAN:

Hi! Sorry, sorry I’m late.

FEMALE VOICE:

No problem, we’re just getting started!

URVIDIAN:

This is completely and totally unacceptable! Just because central command sent

you here to babysit me does not mean you can completely and totally invade my

semblance of privacy that I have left.

RYAN:

Doctor-

URVIDIAN:

No, you listen to me  you neandertal. I’m putting up with your ham fist intrusion

because that’s what’s required of me. But at this, I draw the line. These meetings

are not public spectacles for slack-jawed gawkers! I will not have you reporting

my confessions back to the council.

FEMALE VOICE:

And you, in the back?

RYAN:

Oh, uh, sorry! Hi, um, everyone, I’m Ryan.

SOUND: (SCATTERED “Hi, Ryan”’s)

RYAN (CONT’D):

And I’m an addict.

URVIDIAN:

Jackass.

CUT TO: END THEME

[cosmosogler]

today i got almost everything done!

my mother woke me up at about 5:45, and then again at 6:20. i was super angry. then my brother and sister were in both the upstairs bathrooms so i had to go all the way downstairs and across the house just to go to the bathroom before i went back to sleep.

i dreamed that i was getting annoyed with a conspiracy theorist. “video games are downloading scientific theories into your brain!!!” it was the science that scared them apparently. and the computers. the person wasn’t even present, i was just hearing their voice as i played dream mario, which is only slightly like nintendo mario. i told the voice that video games are just another way to tell a story. i pulled a children’s book out of somewhere, i think it was “goodnight moon” actually. except the cover was wrong. but i was telling the voice that there wasn’t nothin wrong with telling a cute or simple story.

sometimes the story is “i got really good at jumping over hills and across floating spinners and on turtles.”

i only put on the snooze for five minutes because i really, REALLY didn’t want to get up with less than like seven and a half hours of sleep. i got up anyway and showered. i didn’t get to spend long in the shower though... i really need to shave but i haven’t had much time at all the last five, seven days. i shower every other day since it’s a little better for your hair and skin...

anyway as i was heading out to go to therapy dad decided to start asking me to do some chores. i sort of started one, i let eve outside, but i seriously didn’t have time to wait for her to take a sunbath and let her back in. then someone (not naming names, because i’m not 100% sure) decided to park their car in a way that made it impossible for me to pull out of the garage. so i had to go back inside, get that car’s key, move it to the other side of the driveway, go back inside to drop off that key, and then i could get in “my” car and get going. then people on the freeway kept cutting me off without using their turn signals and also were generally going below the speed limit so i would have to stand on the brakes. this happened more than once. then i almost hit someone trying to get over to the exit because as i passed them apparently they sped up while passing through my blind spot so they were farther up than i thought they would be when i started changing lanes. cool!!!!!!!!

in individual therapy i brought up a bunch of emotional problems i had started to explore a little bit in group therapy. i ended up talking for the whole 45 minutes straight basically. like, my therapist asked a few questions, and reassured me a few times, but it was like a huge information dump so hopefully in the coming weeks i can start addressing each problem individually. i also got my semester refund paperwork sorted out with her. i’ll be able to pick it up next week. i mostly focused on how none of my problems feel “big enough” unless they are unsolvable since i really didn’t get to talk about it in group yesterday. i said one thing that i kind of liked though. i said “i feel like if i didn’t have so many problems, i wouldn’t have so many problems.” 

what i meant to say was “if i didn’t have so many mental and personality problems, i wouldn’t have so many life problems,” but the vagueness was silly enough that my therapist made a face and laughed. i said i didn’t know what to focus on first and she said “you’re already working on everything.” i had listed the multiple projects i am trying to keep up with therapy wise... i dunno. i feel like if i can get over that big “problems have to be impossible” hurdle things will start feeling a little more manageable and i’ll be able to make progress more quickly.

guess i gotta spend more time thinking about that. i’ll keep you posted as things come up.

after that i picked up my paperwork from my physician’s office since i was on that side of town and got the number for the radiology lab that wants to do the last test. when i got home i shoved some leftovers in the microwave and called the lab and scheduled my “hida scan,” which is a gall bladder test i guess where they put a bunch of glowing stuff through your digestive system and see if it goes through normally. the scheduler said it normally takes two hours unless they find something, in which case it will take longer. luckily my next therapy appointment is 4 hours after my procedure... i hope that will give enough time. i will have to let her know. i definitely wouldn’t be able to do it on a group therapy day and the lady seemed pretty keen on doing it as soon as possible. and i can’t do it in the afternoon in case it goes long and dad isn’t able to get to work.

so 8 am next tuesday it is.

so i had my ravioli and went upstairs and then after a short break i watched the iron giant with oz. the movie is even better than i remembered. then we talked about physics stuff while i worked on gathering study materials with my classmates. i had a great time, and i hope oz did too. it felt nice to do an activity with someone that took up all our attention, so i didn’t have to, like, feel self conscious about not baring my soul or something.

i think when asher gets back i will talk to him about maybe spending an afternoon at the pottery lounge thing by the amc. it’s not cheap, but last time i checked i didn’t think it was too expensive at least. and i still have the ceramic dog i painted like 15 years ago so the stuff lasts. basically you pick out a little ceramic statue and you get to paint it using a selection from like 200 different shades. and i think you can stay as long as it takes to paint it. the smaller stuff wasn’t too bad cost-wise.

got sidetracked. after i hung up with oz and got all my emails and google docs in order i went and got groceries for mom. she was making quesadillas for dinner. i unfortunately had to pay for them with my own money, and it felt weird buying meat after all these years. but i guess i buy dog treats often enough that it’s not really, like, a compromise of my morals or something. i noticed that the dogs really went wild over the chicken strips i bought last time, so i tried to expand to “turducken.” (spoiler: they loved those too.)

so i dropped off the vegetables and stuff with mom, checked on the cactus mouse, and watched a couple of the videos i had loaded up while talking to oz. i try not to spend too much time reading or watching videos while talking to people because i get super focused on what i’m looking at and don’t hear what they say any more haha.

then i went downstairs and had my veggie quesadilla. it was... ok. i was still a little hungry afterward, but i also felt kind of ill so i didn’t want to eat any more. eating with mom was the WORST. she breathes loud and chews with her mouth open so it’s just a constant avalanche of awful squishy mouth noises. it made me so angry and annoyed that i think that’s what made me sick more than the food. i kind of abruptly stood up and put my plate away and took the dogs outside after trying out the new treats. i tried to play fetch with wiley but he was having none of it today. which is very odd... maybe it was just too hot for him to want to run around. 

i have been experiencing kind of horrible pain between my shoulder blades. i’m pretty sure it’s not my bra pinching anything because it’s way above the strap... probably a pinched nerve. i tried stretching my arms and shoulders and that seemed to help a lot, so i’m thinking i slept in a bad position.

then i went back upstairs and whined to myself about my therapy homework. i did more “self care” research and added a few more posts to my queue. and i talked with some discord guys a little bit. then i caught up on my self esteem journal and picked out one of my “short term goals” from my hospital-issued treatment plan. i used that as a base to expand on for my goal worksheet. i finished all that around 11 so then i got started on the owl picture for 40 minutes or so. now i am 35 minutes into my journal entry, which puts me at a comfortable time to finish up and try to sleep. i got another 10 minutes before i hit my target “get ready for bed” time.

my group mates and therapist expressed interest when i let slip that i like to draw on monday. the therapist asked what i draw. i wasn’t sure how to answer... “furries” isn’t really something i wanted to get into. and i haven’t drawn my own characters except for a reference for one of the art trades in a long time. i suppose i should post the uncolored version of that since i scanned it in and haven’t worked on it with the tablet yet.

so i just said “characters and people.” i like landscapes, but i have trouble spending enough time on them to really get into the details. i’m hoping the coloring pages will help loosen up my patience so i might start feeling like spending a million hours on one picture again. it’s been a couple years since i did anything complicated.

i’m thinking about maybe taking my sketch book... but i don’t want to spend a lot of time on explaining what the picture is of when i have more urgent things to work on.

tomorrow i have more things to do! i NEED to work on the welcome packet for ufl. i need to scan in a bunch of stuff, like my immunization records and my doctors’ notes for my refund file. i need to send an email to the preliminary test coordinator to figure out how to proceed with my studying... i need to know how much to panic about this. then after group therapy i need to drop off my sister’s old prescriptions at the police station. that won’t take too long. if i got energy i’d like to organize my desk and maybe also tidy up my room a little bit. write some things down to put in the jar. then i will work on my self esteem journal, continue reading through the self care resources i’ve got open in a million tabs, and work on the coloring page a little bit. that sounds good. and at some point i need to write my 1- to 2-paragraph essay for the refund. and also i gotta email my apartment complex about stuff like the bed size and some cupboard dimensions and whether there’s a microwave and stuff like that. some of those things i’m pretty sure i can just look up somewhere.

i think i can manage those things. the student orientation videos might have to wait until thursday but i can compile the paperwork and read the faqs and stuff. none of these tasks take long by themselves. so as long as i remember to take little breaks and stay motivated i think i can get it done and not have to worry about it so much any more.

ok, it is 12:30, which is only 5 minutes after my target time! i’m gonna do the daily pokemon stuff for 2-3 minutes and then get ready for bed. gotta practice giving myself credit for reaching/working on goals and stuff, even when i don’t want to.

[leodiagnostics]

10 Surefire Signs Your Heart Is Super Strong

Keeping your heart healthy is of predominant importance as you age.Cardiovascular disease killed over 800,000 Americans in 2013 alone, or about 2,200 persons each day. And it’s not just the people over 65 who need to be worried, premature arterial illness hits up to 10% of men before age forty five, and today’s average 50-year-old has a roughly 50% risk of developing a heart disease as he gets older.

But you'll be able to drop that risk significantly, and add years to your life, by simply identifying the major indicators of poorly functioning heart and taking appropriate action.

According to the landmark Framingham Heart Study, which analyzed more than 3,500 men over several decades, men free of six big factors—high total cholesterol, low HDL (“good”) cholesterol, high bloodpressure, diabetes, obesity, and smoking—had solely a five-hitter probability of developing disorder by age ninety five.But if you hit two or more of those factors? Your chances of heart trouble jumps to a whopping 69%.

If you feel as though your ticker isn’t in top form, here’s how to “Build a Heart of Steel”.

1)Your Resting Heart Rate is On Target

The number a way to observe your heart and its strength is comparatively straightforward, especially with the abundance of fitness trackers and smart watches out there: check your heart rate.

If you have got a huntsman it’s straightforward to see it, just rest for 10–15 minutes (lying down is best) and then see what your wearable says.

DYIers will take 2 fingers and rest them on the within of your radiocarpal joint feeling for the vein and pulse.

Once you’ve got it, take a watch with a second hand and count the number of beats for 20 seconds and then multiply by three to get your rate.

For associate degree adult man, your resting vital sign ought to between sixty and a hundred beats per minute.

Well-trained athletes sometimes have a rate around forty to sixty beats per minute.

2)You Have Optimal Blood Pressure

Making sure your blood is hunt around your veins at the optimum force—to and from the heart—is another specific means you'll be able to register on however your ticker is doing.

The best thanks to resolve is once you attend your doctors for your physical, though most pharmacies have an automated machine that will tell you your pressure for free, or you can buy an electronic device to monitor yourself at home.

The most recent recommendations from 2014 say adults beneath sixty ought to post numbers that area unit but 140/90 pressure unit.

If you’re numbers are off, check out 10 Ways to Lower Your Blood Pressure.

3)Your EKG Gives You a Thumbs-Up

Next time you pop by your doctor’s office for an annual checkup, make sure you get an electrocardiogram (ECG or EKG).

It’s not sometimes a part of a physical unless you have got symptoms of cardiovascular disease, however you'll be able to request one from your doctor.

This simple associate degreed painless check measures however long it takes an electrical wave to travel, which lets you know if your heartbeat is normal, slow, fast or irregular.

To get one you have to take your shirt off and then lie down on the table.

Several sticky electrodes are placed on your chest and on every arm and leg.

Then those area unit connected by wire to the EKG machine and can track your heartbeat whereas you lie still for a few minute.

If you want to learn more about talking to your doctor, don’t miss Best Life interview with Dr. Oz.

4)You’re Constantly Active and Energetic

A systematically sluggish and summing up feeling is an indication of one thing seriously wrong along with your heart.

When you are often fatigued, it may mean the heart isn’t able to pump enough blood to give your body the nutrients it needs possibly because of clogged or hardened arteries.

So as long as {you feel|you are feeling} spirited and on purpose most of the time (and aren’t depressed) your heart is perhaps pumping powerfully and also the blood vessel highways are free

of congestion—then learn How to Stay Lean for Life: The Workout.

5)Your Cholesterol Hits the Bullseye

These numbers will tell you loads regarding however your heart is acting therefore make certain to urge them checked a minimum of once each 5 years unless you have got a

major risk factor like heart disease, diabetes, kidney problems, or other conditions.

This is another check that you just ought to get at your physical, but intrepid and curious folks can buy home kits to find out where you stand—though most require you to prick your finger for a small amount of blood, so maybe wait until you see your doc unless you’ve already been diagnosed with high cholesterol.You can do blood test in wakad for accurate result.

Total cholesterol should be less than 200 mg/dL with LDL, or “bad,” should be less than 100 mg/dL and HDL, or “good,” should be 60 mg/dL or higher.

For additional regarding taking management of your sterol, verify the last word Nutrition Secrets for Men.

6)You Ace the Stress Test

How well your heart will handle stress brought on by exercise may be measured merely at your doctor’s workplace with a treadmill and machines that monitor pulse rate, breathing, bloodpressure, EKG, and fatigue.The tasking check can verify however well your heart is functioning to pump blood through your body.

Testers will look at whether or not your blood pressure dips too low or goes too high, any arrhythmias, or heartbeat fluctuations, will be noted (though they usually aren’t of clinical significance), and you the workload you are able to stand will be record in “METS,” which is metabolic equivalents, or a physiological measure expressing the energy cost of exercise. If you reach 80% of the age-predicted maximum heart rate (220 – your age) during your test, that’s considered a good result, and 90% or better is considered excellent. If you’re numbers look good, check out the other 99 Ways to live to be 100 years-old. For a better result you can visit diagnostics centers in wakad pune.

7)You Have Excellent Glucose Levels

Having diabetes or even just high glucose, or blood sugar, levels over time can cause damage to your nerves and blood vessels, which can lead to increased risk of having heart disease or getting a stroke.

To make positive you're within the right space, get checked once at pathology labs in wakad pune during your physical, and then every three years, after you are over age 45.

If you're to a fault involved regarding this range, there square measure straightforward glucose tests you'll get on-line that diabetics use everyday and square measure terribly correct, but again you will

have to prick your finger for a few drops of blood.

A normal result's a hundred mg/dL when eight hours of not feeding.

If your glucose is higher than you thought, here’s our primer for phasing sugar out of your life.

8)Your Levels of C-Reactive Protein

This protein, also called CRP, can be an early indicator of inflammation in your body, which if is in the arteries, could lead to heart disease, heart attack, or stroke. A recent study showed that high levels of CRP predicted a three-fold greater risk of having a heart attack. Figuring out levels of this protein is usually only done at your doctors if you are at high risk for heart disease and have a high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or are a smoker.

9)Your Max Heart Rate is High

For the fitness fanatics out there, you can really test your heart rate yourself on a treadmill, spin bike, or elliptical by exercising for as hard as you can for

three minutes, then check your heart rate.If it’s near to seventieth or eighty fifth of the Georgia home boy for your age (220 – your age), then you’re right on target.For our recs for the simplest cardio machines in any athletic facility, see here.

10)You Bounce Back Quickly

A strong and healthy heart implies that it will block quickly and swimmingly.

To test it, right when the foremost intense exercise you are doing, check your heart rate.Make a note and so stop exercise all, and check it again two minutes later.Numbers that square measure a minimum of eightieth or larger than your most pulse rate, or show that your pulse rate declined by sixty six or additional beats in those last 2minutes, mean you’re in great shape—and if you’re looking for a killer workout, here’s the single best one to Banish Your Belly… And Boredom.

[mirandamac25]

Thursday June 15th: 2 Weeks Post-Op

Today I had my post-op appointment for my gallbladder surgery. Dr. Jones said I’m healing great. He took off the last of my steri-strips and checked to make sure the muscles underneath the incisions are coming together. I’m still not allowed to lift anything over 20 lbs or do strenuous exercise for another two weeks (which includes body weight stuff like yoga- I asked), but after that I’m clear to do as I please. I think that includes life in general–so if you see me robbing a chocolate store on TV or something, don’t worry–Dr. Jones said it’s ok.

I’m hardly in any pain any more unless I try to use or stretch my ab muscles too much. The most residual soreness is in the area where Mr. Gallbladder used to live–it feels like I’ve got a stitch/cramp there underneath my ribcage.

My digestion is also still adjusting to  the vacancy, but is doing quite well over all. After all the horror stories I read about crazy bad diarrhea post-gb removal, I had a very slight case of the runs for less than a week. I have been able to eat cheese, yogurt, lactose-free ice cream, burgers, potato chips, brownies, whip cream, avacado, and lots of other yummylicious foods that caused gb attacks before the op. I am SO happy I got the surgery. I don’t miss the little green fella one bit!

Monday June 19th:

I had a follow-up with my neurologist today. My migraines have improved from daily to 2-3 times per week–much better, but still pretty out of control. Doc L is an awesome neurologist; he listens, talks to me like an equal, and most importantly- hasn’t tried to hold my hand, not even once (my neurologist in HS always held my hand, no matter what diversionary tactics I employed to avoid it). But even he admits that total control–zero headaches for months–is likely out of reach in my case. So for now we are shooting for better control, and we’ll go from there.

Since my body seems to handle the Prozac well, we are doubling the dose (to a normal adult dose) and hoping it will get me down to 1 or so migraines a week. Unfortunately the jump in dose has brought back my favorite of Prozac’s side effects: I can’t sleep! Not a wink. Luckily it should pass in a couple weeks. It did the first time.

Until then this is me

Thursday June 22nd: 

I have finally accepted it. I have a sinus infection, for the second month in a row. I am frustrated because it’s been just over a year since I had sinus and turbinate surgery and I’m wondering if I’m going to need another soon. With my Ig infusions I shouldn’t be getting infections this much, but they just keep coming one after another.

My immunologist doesn’t have answers for me, but he is trying. When I get an infection I don’t even have to go in, I just message him and he sends the antibiotic script to my pharmacy. This time I’m on Amox-Clav for ten days,which is an optimistically short course, but hopefully it’ll do the trick.

I know it’s silly but every time I have to go on antibioticsI feel like a bit of a failure. Every time I go over things in my head– maybe if I had done A, B, or C differently I wouldn’t have gotten an infection. Maybe if I ate better, slept more, got more or less exercise, didn’t do this and did do that…

I’ll see Doc C for a follow-up in a couple weeks and we’ll talk it over, see what more can be done. It’s a constant climb and I’m always just hoping to find a good foot hold or a little ledge where I can catch my breath. But even though it’s hard–it’s so, so hard sometimes–when I stop to look around, man it’s still a beautiful view.

A Post-Op, a Follow-Up, an Infection–Isn’t Summer Fun? Thursday June 15th: 2 Weeks Post-Op Today I had my post-op appointment for my gallbladder surgery. Dr.

[michellebarlondsmiththings]

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY ... AND WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED SINCE

1. That the world of oil spills is never ending ...nor  the books and films that follow ....there are several.....  I have had the pleasure of talking and meeting with some of the writers of these books. Andrew Nikforuk (http://www.andrewnikiforuk.com) recently came out with a book about fracking and the oil and gas industry.  A friend of mine Keri Pickett has her film out and is currently showing it at film festivals http://www.blacksnakefilm.com/   you should check it out Dirty Energy by Bryan D. Hopkins is another one ... about the 2010 Gulf Spill ... a lot of friends appear in it ... they have helped educate meBlack Wave is about the Exxon Valdez spill.. with many friends who have also helped educate me. Some of my favorite books are Sacrifize Zone ... yes you need to read it and A Line in the Tar Sands Struggles for Enviromental Justice http://www.imdb.com/list/ls076508341/  is a list of films on the oil and gas industries ... and there are more going to come ...

2.  There are those who take advantage of technological disasters for monetary gain and ego ...  but there is one film that I do not support and that is one by a local ... John Bolenbaugh who I actually worked with for 2 year in documenting locals who were ill and dying and dealing with the aftermath of the spill here ... These videos were  to help document peoples for a non-profit to help and support the residents...  People will jump to the conclusion that it is because of his past history as a sexual offender... when in reality it's due to the disrespect of residents, family members, and fellow activists. I have remained silent on this issue as have many, many groups, organizations, and fellow activists. We simply do not allow him into events that we are organizing. In the gulf spill... they nicknamed them the spillionairs ... people taking advantage of the situation to make money...

3.It is difficult to figure out where we draw the line as activists on who and what we allow into our organizations, events, and lives. One of the best peices of advices I recieved was to not join organizations. This way I am not silenced... I have seen fellow activists treated horribly by organizations that they work for ... not paid for work they have done, told to remain silent on issues that should not be kept silent.  I have seen racism, sexism, and bias towards other activists... When one of the locals who worked with a large organizations refused to be silent about health issues ... she was fired.      I have seen activists invited to events and when they said something that organizers did not agree with ... they were left to their own devices to get home... not difficult when you are from the area but if you are cross country... I am known to raise fund for bail... but I have also had to raise money to get people home... not acceptable.

4.  I was once invited to an event in another state when a snowstorm made it impossible to get there ... there had already been multiple problems with the organizing of the event when the people organizing it had disagreements amongst themselves.. Here I was at at an airport, stranded away from home , limited funds ( grassroots activists don't have the funding large groups have) ... phone not working  it had died ( I always forget chargers or lose them,  this time it was in my checked bag) when I finally got home ... I had the most nasty messages.   Needless to say, I would not work with that organizer again ... he was upset that he had lost money on a plane ticket ... which I had already arranged a refund for ....he was not worried about me being stranded.... thankfully I had worked in the airline industry and knew how to work around it ...      It is now a joke in my family that before I go on a tour that I tell my brother in case I need to be rescued .... I once had an amtrak employee chip in 2 bucks towards a ticket when I was stranded by an organizer in another city ... I LOVE AMTRAK...   Needless to say.... I am particular on who I work with .. but these are lessons that we learn with experience. I have had great experiences with some organizers and they are the ones I will support. The organizers and activists that have alternative motives I don't.  I once had a fellow activist tell me there are 4 reasons people end up activists ....

A. they really care about the issue and the people ... these are the ones I work with ...

B. ego ... this is a hard one ... we all fight it... some better than others

C. career ... some use it as a stepping stone to a better career or political office. D. money ..whaaaaaaaaaat ... there is money in activism ???  Yes there are those who are going to take advantage of situations and people... Yes there are organizations who have tons of moneys ...and I have ticked some of them off by calling them out in the past...but I have also made friends with people who work for some of these ... there is good and bad in every group.        

   There is a difference between activism and taking advantage ... most of the people and organizations I know start off with good intentions ...be it saving the trees or discussing health issues on fracking, coal, tarsands, uranium, etc etc ... it seems to be when money comes into the picture that things go wrong. I was talking with one of my first nations brother about this and he has spent thousands of his own dollars as most of us grass roots activism have... He says we must do it with good thoughts and love .... My post below I wrote this    So why do I do all the research, reading, and photography…. Because a greedy, manipulative company dumped tar sand oil in the river that runs past my home… they lied to me, my neighbors and fellow river residents… they ruined our environment, damaged the economical base along the river and destroyed a lot of peoples health. I want to know what is coming down the pipeline (pun intended), I want my friends, neighbors, and fellow river residents to understand what has happened and what is likely to happen again in the future.     so now..... why do  what I do .... Love ... love of my community, love of my former friends and neighbors, love of my planet ... its what we must do to .... because if you do it without love ... you are doing it for the wrong reasons.....