#.I need to wake up a little more
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buckle up lads we're going BACK INTO THE BOOK
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(the origin of halloween huh) (oooh)#why yes i did wake up way too early to watch the stream and will have no memory of drawing this later#anyway THE MAGIC BOOK IS BACK TO EAT US ONCE AGAIN!!!!#this does make things make a lot more sense if it doesn't have to. y'know. actually take place in the established world#like how jack and sally are apparently just gonna be THERE as themselves WHY NOT#i'm certainly not complaining mind you#scully looks like he's gonna be super adorable and i love him already#spooky scary skeleman who just goes :O a lot and is excited for halloween#he seems like he might actually be more of a fusion of jack and sally? or maybe i'm just reading too much into it#still getting jazzy vibes off of him though. is not scully j graves an incredible jazz musician name.#does this open up the possibility that the last time we went into the book there was a sexy anime boy stitch just offscreen the whole time#...maybe some things are best left uncontemplated#god everyone in this event looks fantastic i'm so glad i saved up some keys after all#a little sad that there's no lilia but you know what the fact that a halloweentown malleus exists is still pretty dang good#and sebek's hat is SO tall#the biggest hat for the loudest boy#i hope oogie is here too i need him and jamil to meet#i need jamil to be faced with a guy who's just a bunch of bugs standing on each other's shoulders in a trenchcoat#i am not coherent right now i just needed to get this out before i go pass out again
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i think a lot of people are calling viktor’s reaction to waking up changed and then almost immediately leaving for zaun unrealistic and like… yes it would be. for someone whose mind has not been affected by the hexcore. he speaks differently, he hears sky’s voice through its influence, he can no longer feel the cold, or the warmth of jayce’s hug. he walks away from jayce because he can no longer feel the affection that kept them together, and he sees no logical point in remaining when they have no common ground anymore. he might not be a machine externally, exactly, but his mind certainly isn’t human anymore.
#you KNOW he was seeing visions in that coma. he knew exactly where to go and what he was going to do#even before this he had so little self worth. he saw himself as only being worth as much as his inventions.#he never saw himself as someone worthy of love; he barely saw himself as anyone at all#the only person he KNOWS saw him as more than that is dead and it’s his fault#and waking up and finding out what jayce has done only cements the fact he cannot trust jayce to do what he himself thinks is right#there’s no way he could stay with jayce and do what he needs to do to help the zaunites. at least in his mind anyway#sighhhh. anyway i will probably have to write fic about this tomorrow lmaooo#arcane#jayvik#arcane s2 spoilers#p
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hope you feel better soon!
I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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good mornings throughout the travel
[ID: Two comics of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The second is underneath the read more.
The first is in four panels and follows Vash and Wolfwood through hotel rooms. First, Vash and Wolfwood exit adjacent rooms, and Wolfwood has sparkles floating around him as he exclaims, “Rise and shine! Ready to go?” Vash frowns, displeased, and says, Urk— Good morning to you too.”
Next, they’re in a room with two beds. Wolfwood is awake and fully dressed. He’s sitting on the bed and smoking, back turned away from the viewer and he says, “Wake up already, sleepyhead.” Vash sits up with his eyes still closed and yawns before saying good morning. After that, they’re sharing a bed, and Wolfwood gets up and says, “Morning, sunshine. Time to get up.” His body shadows Vash from the sunlight. Vash is still lying down with a blanket draped over him as he mumbles good morning.
Finally, they’re embracing in bed, both shirtless. Sunlight shines on them, but their contact allows their shadows to drape over their faces. Vash smiles, kisses the top of Wolfwood’s head, and says, “Good morning, Wolfwood.” Wolfwood sleepily says, “Mph, g’morning, needle-noggin’,” snuggling into on Vash’s shoulder. End ID] ID CREDIT
TRIMAX Vol. 10 Spoilers under read more // bonus comic
[ID: The bonus comic starts with Vash asleep in bed, fully clothed with his hair half-black. Someone says “Good morning,” and Vash says, “Morning, Wolf—w...” He trails off as Livio, holding a plate of food, stares with abject shock.
Livio says, “I’m sorry.” Vash, smiling but sweating, says, “No, it’s my bad...” Livio repeats, “I’m sorry.” Vash says, “Geez, stop apologizing,” and cuts off Livio’s “I—” with a “Good morning, Livio.” Livio quietly mumbles, “... Good morning...”
Vash sits up from the couch he was sleeping on and looks down, thinking, “... That’s right. I won’t wake up to you anymore... I have to get used to that...” End ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#i just think. when theyre traveling for a long time together#sleeping in the same inns sleeping in the same rooms potentially as they get closer#realizing they dont need to pay the fee for 2 bedrooms if theyre comfortable fighting back to back#realizing they dont need to pay the fee for 2 beds after one night of being forced to sleep in same one since all the 2 beds rooms ran out#and being comfortable with it - and then after their feelings are shared#realizing theyd rather sleep and rest peacefully next to one another#and wake up slowly and enjoy the mundane while they can#i drew ww waking up first bc i dont imagine he sleeps much tbh. i think vash is a light sleeper too and more often than not#and vash goes to bed just bc he knows if he tries to leave ww would follow him#i also think vash never had someone stand guard for him before even if that isnt what he wants out of ww to do. but knowing that ww is#there means that he can actually sleep peacefully without worry that someones going to drop on him immediately. i think he'd get used tothat#and ww -- as he opens his heart more to vash -- gets comfortable staying in bed a little longer#sleeps a little better -- especially when they start to share a bed bc there's a warmth there that he can't help but cave into#bc he hasn't had that in a long time.#ruporas art
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Got nothing to post this week so here's some old mspaint stuff.
First one is from back from when I was trying to figure out my future MK and DDD designs. There's been a few changes, MK no longer has that star charm, and DDD's design has an added cape too. Also DMK's there too, no SDDD though.
Sibling posting!! These two love arbitrary competition.
Lots of OC posting, mainly centered around my fankid(s). And lots of Arthur posting. Oops!
Finally is a sketch I intended to turn into an actual drawing but forgot. I'll draw my adult Kirby properly eventually, I've just got something fun in mind for it that I need to think through a little more.
The reason I can't post this week is because I'm busy 💔 My remaining free days will be spend working on my next actual art post.
Which! For being so patient you get a sneak peak. A very crunchy one though. I don't want to give that much away.
#kirby#meta knight#king dedede#metadede#dark meta knight#galacta knight#galactabro#sir arthur#kirby oc#oc: wisteria#oc: luna#oc: primrose#fankids#oc: erebus#oc: anansi#oc: ceri#he's that red Thing hugging kirby#christ that's a lot of people#arthur's mk's and gk's dad. so most of those drawings are him being a grampa#this isn't even the half of my arthur rot. i live in Hell#these were never really meant to be public. not for a long time. so they are ta the peak of self indulgence. it's a little cringe#and i am Not free they've got me gripped by the throat#anyway. i wish i could say more but#i need to sleep because i wake up at 6 am (it's 1 am at the time of scheduling this#i will say. the art post is turning out amazingly. i might even make it my pfp for the remainder of the month. sorry jude#my doodles#posting at 9 ❤️ my beloved
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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a dream of home
#be warned i felt like yapping in the notes and by god thats what i did#i loooove making messy drawings like this actually. i love colouring and making finished pieces but#i only have the patience to do it every so often. clean lines and detailed colours are <3 but they cause me psychic damage#so its nice to just be able to sketch and only clean it up a little and then go fuck it. colours time#i did not want to make vyncents mum blonde even tho thats what they say in canon. theres no way. it just doesnt feel like it fits#i tried to make her hair a pale purple turning to blonde-ish at the ends instead but the lighting just completely washed that out lol#my artwork#jrwi vyncent#jrwi#jrwi vyncent sol#jrwi anna#jrwi anna sol#anyway. bizly bizly channel. condi condifiction. *slides you a twenty dollar note* PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#tell us more about fauna and vyncents childhood#im on the floor sobbing and begging#i need lore not thats not just haha rpg as much as i love those bits#tell me everything.#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi pd#jrwi fanart#vyncent sol#jrwi fauna#jrwi pd fanart#pd fanart#prime defenders#prime defenders fanart#i fear i may hate this drawing upon waking up#but as the old saying goes#fuck it we ball
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Accidentally made a 1,198 words ficlet as a sequel of sorts to this post
Cross-posted on Ao3 too if that's more comfortable
Can you imagine that's how Stan finds out that Ford regresses? 🥺
Without waiting for a proper response to his knocking he barges into Stanford's room, after all, Stanley is a man on a mission right now: Making sure his very intelligent but also knucklehead of a brother doesn't miss on a proper meal, which, could end up in two different ways.
Case one, he has to wake him up. Or at the very least get him conscious enough that he can get a bearing of his surroundings, and, hopefully, not feed the floor too much of his food.
Stan doesn't care if Ford ends up falling asleep on the table while he cooks something up for the both of them. He doesn't care if Ford blinks one eye at a time and eats even slower, which delays the task of washing the dishes and has him counting the stains on the ceiling for the next hour. And he certainly doesn't care if he has to guide or even carry Ford back to his room when he, inevitably, ends up falling asleep at the table again.
So long as he's not starving and overeating later, anything is fair game.
Case two, he has to convince him to get away from his work, which is never easy. And after having had a few arguments over eating (turned) cold hard food, bringing the meal to said room and leaving him to it isn't an option anymore.
They both know hot meals are a privilege, why waste it?
But they also know that the habits that once helped you make it to another day are hard to get rid of.
Stanley also isn't balancing the plate on his lap, either, when there's a perfectly fine table in the kitchen. Thank you very much.
He complains, mostly to himself, no doubt, about how he can feel his stomach disintegrating due to not having put anything in it--never mind the fact that he merely woke up minutes ago--but stops abruptly when he's inches away from the end of the bed-couch. And with a hand still hovering above the covers, he finally takes in the scene before him.
His brother, the interdimensional criminal, certified badass, owner (and creator?) of a hundred spacey-looking guns and the man that went through hell at the hands of a yellow demon--who Stan also wishes he could turn into his personal punching bag to use until the end of times--and still got out alive, with most of his sense of self intact, even, was sleeping with a goddamned plushie of half his height.
And with a dark blue pacifier in his mouth.
Oh, he's so not letting dear ol' Sixer live this down any time soon. He rubs his hands together while a mischievous grin appears on his face at the mere thought of a few remarks and jokes he could do.
After all, Stanley is not going to miss the chance to expand his arsenal of things to tease Stanford with. I mean, c'mon, he looks utterly and completely adorable! What's Stan to do? Ignore it and break the sacred sibling's code? Blasphemy in its purest form, he says!
Plus, the guy looks pretty relaxed too, a whole change from the usual deal. And vulnerable, which, did also differ a bit from the usual.
Hm.
That last thought brings his previous scheming and snickering to a sudden halt. He takes a seat on a free spot on the couch, careful to not touch the sleeping man at his side, suddenly overwhelmed with the need to let the peaceful atmosphere continue. Maybe even keep it from being disrupted.
Yeah, he could do that.
Because at last, Ford hadn't woken up at the slightest sound, and started pacing as if he hadn't been asleep moments ago. At last, Ford didn't seem to be fighting for his life when he was supposed to be the most relaxed, according to normal people (and verified by his fellow nerds). At last, Stanford hadn't jumped out of bed and taken the stance of a threatened wild animal when his brother, his twin, Stanley, entered his space. Something that he seemed to have learned for survival purposes--which Stan can also relate to--and that he doesn't really fault him for, yet that it came with a price when people close to you were involved. Hurting them one way or another.
Which, speaking of, he isn't sure if Ford would take kindly to him knowing about... This... That he does.
Stanley doesn't think anything about it. Really. Specially since it seems to be so effective on helping Brainiac sleep for once. And it appears to be harmless, so, who cares? Not him, that's for sure. But, if Ford had wanted him to know, he would've spoken or at the very least mentioned it, right? Back on the boat, there were nights where they slept on the same bed due to old not-so-happy memories resurfacing, or even just nightmares involving either them or the other, and they could use the reassurance that everything was and is okay and also that the other was safe and relatively healthy (some habits did start to catch up with them and did not mix well with the old man problems. (Cursed be the nicotine manufacturers on Stan's case)).
Did Stanford need it then and there but abstained from it to not seem "weird" in his brother's eyes? Please! Stanley ran a business in Gravity Falls for 30 years, for Moses’ sake!
Surely he knows that the jokes he throws at him are just harmless banter and that he never means it as a genuine attack, right? He must know he wouldn't judge him for something like this, right? Jeez, Pointdexter, I wouldn't hit you so low. Stanley thinks. Not again, never again.
Were it not for the--quite painful--pang and literal growl of his stomach, Stanley would have continued studying his sleeping brother and thinking about how to approach the topic. If at all. But alas, he's needed somewhere else. Somewhere with fresh food. And maybe coffee.
As gently and slowly as he sat down, he gets up, but freezes mid-way through when the still figure decided to not-be-so-still anymore. His brain scrambles for a way to book it out of there without making a sound while his heart beats in his ears. Finally, when he sees that Ford was definitely still asleep, and that he also feels his soul come back to him, he gives the rest of his body permission to continue working as usual. His lungs being the first to get back into action with a big release of air and subsequently an intake.
He glances back at his brother with a soft smile one last time before deciding to take his leave.
Stanford can have his secrets. Stanley would make sure to guard and protect them (and him). Ford didn't have to know that Stan knew, if that's what he had wanted in the first place. Stanley could keep his mouth shut.
Besides, it wouldn't be lying if it was never brought up. Nothing for him to deny, so, Stan is on the clear here.
. . .
Hopefully.
#stan decides to make extra loud noises in the kitchen or outside the door so ford wakes up and has time to present himself if he needs to#basically keeping the promise of letting ford keep his secret#for the setting imagine they're back in the shack to keep it running while Soos and Melody leave for their honeymoon or something#and abuelita left to play bingo. or they took her for vacations. whatever you prefer#I also still can't decide what animal to make the big plushie ough or what to name it#I imagine it having like four limbs. so maybe a bear. but I wanted to make it more personal/special to Ford#bears are fantastic don't get me wrong but it also seems like the most common option so yeah. wanted something else for him maybe?#I already have some plans for other plushies he could have. like a few moth ones I found very cute so maybe this big one isn't a moth#but Idk what other animals to give him oughhhh please someone drop ideas I will kiss you on the cheek (platonically)#or give you a fist bump if you're more comfortable with that#agere#age regression#fandom agere#stanford pines#ford pines#stanley pines#stan pines#gravity falls#gravity falls age regression#gravity falls little space#gravity falls stanford pines#gravity falls stanley pines
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anybody else rly rly ill about the amount of grief in his eyes in this scene
[original screencap under the cut]
#qkdraws#id in alt#ayyyee surprise trigun content#vash is rly fun to draw <- girl who says literally everything is fun to draw#except shoes.fuck them thangs#anyway yeah the look in his eyes here rewired me a little bit#imagine animating human emotion so viscerally. who did this.who thought this was ok#apparently im incapable of drawing pointed faces i have to round them out. or ill die or smth#i wanna draw him more but i 1) need Energy and 2) i will have to draw his prosthetic#this isn't an excuse i Will draw his prosthetic im just whining to whine. i ain't no quitter#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#trigun#trigun vash#shoving this in the drafts before i go to bed.hi it's Draft Jay here coming at u live at 1:30am and Starving#literally so hungry.somebody save me <- too worried abt waking her parents to make food#enough of that tho i didn't expect trigun to be so .fucked up#i mean it's a show abt a fucking pacifist gunman who has a brother named Millions Knives.that's so fuckin stupid /pos#who knew how horrid it would get (not me.now i know tho <3)#uhh ur regularly scheduled mob psycho stuff will be back soon in the meantime[passes out]
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So since I'm in denial I've been thinking-
Back in 1955, Ein and Tesla would have been considered dead. They were stabbed through the heart (dang, Coralie gets a matching scar to her mom. . .. no? too soon) and they were sitting around for probably ~ a half hour while Erwin and Otto fought and Erwin figured out how to work Abyss Flower. You can bleed out from a stab wound to the chest in five minutes. And while there's the whole leaving-the-stabby-in-keeps-blood-in, Tesla at least was actively bleeding from several places.
So they were probably *legally* dead for quite some time before Schro did her thing.
All this to say that Abyss Flower did it once, it can do it again, and as for Ein?
She'd never had a chance to give her an answer. Back then, she hadn't known what it would be- her mind said no, I can't subject you to this kind of torture, but her heart screamed yes, yes I would, I would do anything to keep from losing you too.
And now, as she waited- the answer was crystal clear.
Yes.
I'll always save you.
You're the only one I can save.
I cannot be alone forever.
#so#that was unplanned#anyway#the only question left then is#how do they reintroduce her without her 'death' feeling cheap#a; they don't#b; they resuscitate her after helia leaves on her villain arc#and wait to reveal that she's alive until helia is miles down her dark path#and then we get some angsty scenes between them >:)#also#i need coralie waking up with ein at her bedside#i just#ACK#gimme#honkai spoilers#honkai impact 3rd#hi3rd#honkai part 2#lieserl albert einstein#coralie 6626 planck#hi3 coralie#coping the only way i know how; denial and fanfic#and i just had this thought too#she can be in a coma for several chapters to make it more angsty#and after that she can do her little pillbug roll out of bed with a cool new model#:D
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More of this. + nnotes on the normalest boy
#good news everybjody shinra is still doing evil things to beautoful beautiful men#Also sorry you can clearly see i say fuck it every time i draw cloud'dshair. ooups#this one isnt as polished so no tags but .#ff7 monhun au#to be more speciific#??? probably i should start tagging that im gonan devolve RAPIDLY.#sooooooo sorry to eveveryone for suddenly becomign active and it s THIS#zack voice This is my boy cloud hes just a little quietbecause he needs to wake up a lil bit ^_^#flash cut to cloud literally tearing apart a mosnter with hisbare hands#WHICH HE WILL HAVE NO RECOLLECTION OF#Great job shinra this is only like the 5th worst youve ever done it. Sephiroth is still kicking great news eeveryone#(BAD NEWS BAD NEWS)
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he did it! 🐍 and it only took...uhhh...well, there probably could've been less punches, but why hold back!
PUNCHES FOR EVERYONE
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 9 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 9 spoilers#snakes#ONE MORE DOWN#oh my god happy jamil was SO scary and yet adorable all at once#i want real jamil to see him and just be utterly disgusted#and yet he got nothing on the return of everyone's favorite twst character: WEIRD RHYTHMIC ELEPHANT#oh weird rhythmic elephant what would we do without you#me kicking my stupid little feet as jamil wakes up through sheer force of kalim though#he was SO happy for jamil and SO ready to just go along with everything. my sweet boy.#jamil getting so flustered by him that he's just shocked back into reality#and the SLAPFIGHT#silver being like 'they need this' and doing his one smile animation as kalim and jamil are pulling on each other's hair and going YOU SMEL#mmm yes delicious#also this is probably nothing but#but...they brought up the whole thing with azul having dirt on crowley again#the thing that was briefly alluded to in episode 4 and never mentioned ever again?!#i had JUST finally convinced myself that i was reading too much into it and it was just azul playing along with jamil's plan#but now they've mentioned it again and i'm going to be all BUT WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEAAAAN for another three years about it#is it a meaningless reference to that one scene?! is it absolutely ridiculous foreshadowing?! am i ever going to be validated?!#I HAVE TO KNOW
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.
#Don't wanna go to bed tonight bc belle won't be there. Soft and fluffy and full of love every time i wake up.#Don't wanna go to the bathroom bc she won't be waiting patiently outside the door when I come out.#Don't wanna go downstairs bc she won't be following me with her little pitter-patter paws and jingle bells on her collar#Don't wanna cook bc i wont have to step over her every time I reach for something or make sure there is some suitable food for her too#Don't want to be sat in my chair bc i dont need to tuck my legs in so she has plenty of room to stretch or just curl up with me#Don't want to see anyone I know bc they don't see me without her so they will ask me where she is#Rosie keeps coming into my room and looking around. Belle doesnt usually leave without her. Let alone for more than a few hours.
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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penelope canonically retreating to her room and refusing food = she puts on some weight, the reason being both lack of physical activity as well as her body being on constant emergency mode (so what little she does eat ends up being stored away bc the body doesnt know when the 'starvation' will end). whats more her constant stress elevates cortisol levels which in and of itself leads to weight gain esp in the abdominal area.
tl;dr chubby penelope send fucking t w e e t
#that is it that is the post#cortisol is also known as the stress hormone#helps u wake up & regulates metabolism among other things#it helps you cope with stress but too much of it (much like anything else in life) is not good for you and your health#this has been on my mind for so long#no im not projecting#shush#thinking abt her naiad heritage too#like maybe she can get through long periods without or with very little food but her human body's nutritional needs prevail idk#and then midnight snacks maybe lol#away from the piercing gaze of the wretched suitors and judgemental looks of certain maidservants#chubby penelope for the soul#penelope of ithaca#my beloved muffin#with razor sharp teef#give the cinammon roll some tummy rolls!!#BONUS: when ody comes home they both heal together and side by side#coming to terms with just how merciless the years have been#ody gains healthy weight after years of abuse in ogygia (i hc he purposely denied himself proper food bc thats the only agency he had#as well as the making urself undesirable to the abuser)#and penelope goes for swims and perhaps bonds with telemachus in a new way like races and swimming competitions aw#as well as teaching him some naiad stuff he probably inherited#family healing yay!#:')#btw not saying they go back to their 20 year old physiques#what i am saying is they now take better care of themselves and each other#and one of the ways its reflected is in their frames#i think we need more middle aged odypen art#and age accurate content in general#esp post odyssey
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me when time moves forward at a steady pace: how the fuck is it more than halfway through july already. this fuckers rapidly sprinting when im not looking huh
#i have so many things i need to do#before the semester starts again this fall#i need to work on comms. i need to work on a project due the end of the month. i want to do artfight. i want to make art for myself. i want#to do art studies. i want to start an alt drawing more suggestive stuff. i mean what who said that mustve been the wind#and thats just the things related to drawing.#i need to organize my room. i need to learn [redacted]. i want to cook more. i want to socialize more. i want to play games. i want to-#watch and read and listen to so many things#yet i have a finite amount of time to do everything#and half of a day is consumed by me just snoozing#and when i do work on something i feel like im Not Efficient Enough.#i cant just chill in vcs i need to be productive and draw too. and if i dont make significant progress then I Have Failed.#i cant just watch New Season of Show. thats Time Focused on One Singular Activity. gotta do multiple things at once or ill feel bad after#because i know that once the semester starts back up then im gonna be 90% less online#back to the depths of graphic design hell making infographics and powerpoints and brand identities#not having the time to draw anything furry or for myself for several months#anywho its 5am#i should go to sleep#sorry for the ramble im just. only now realizing how little time i have#when i wake up i have to really lock in on drawing and stuff#ive wasted so much time playing a game this past week#if i hadnt played it idve made so much more progress by now and im kicking myself so bad mentally now that im like mostly done w the game#gahhh#anywho yeah sorry for the ramble ill post more soon#sho.scramblin
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