owensgrumpyoranges

[owensgrumpyoranges]

I'm finally home from camp! We actually got back last night, but I just wanted a bath and my bed.

But... now I'm back and just finished typing up all the bits of the fic I've been writing over the summer. I honestly hope to have it ready within the week, but don't hold me to that.

As for the month? It was incredible.

I actually started off by doing something I'd always thought was impossible for me in the first week I was there (two things, actually, but one was a lot smaller than the other) so of course it could only get better from there.

Of course I also had about twenty mental breakdowns, the final three happening yesterday morning, but.... Also, who wouldn't have a mental breakdown over being alone in the dark in a house that looks like a horror novel? (fun fact that was my first panic attack)

Some other random stuff that happened... I concussed one of my friends (might've also broken her nose) One girl came from England and arrived in the US for the first time on the Fourth of July. I felt bad for her. We watched K-pop Demon Hunters about a million times. I was pushed into the creek in my fancy dress (willingly, it's a tradition~) Had one of my co-workers get fired. Thankfully it was the one I didn't like much, but... (that's a joke dw) Convinced my campers that I was 39 and the reason the camp let me do this program (which is for 16-17 yearolds) was bc I was on a missions trip for ten years and only spoke sign language so I was mentally behind other American ppl my age.

Next year my plan is to become a counselor in the middle school group... wish me luck they are brutal but preferable to the elementary schoolers ("But what if the cicadas eat me???") (<- barely avoided a crashout over that one. she was only nine and didn't deserve it)

[owensgrumpyoranges]

I think little kid eins and Tesla would be so cute

Also the version with braids that didn't make it to the final but i still love this one

[owensgrumpyoranges]

When I get home...

[owensgrumpyoranges]

Desperate, Barely-Holding-It-Together Confessions

✮ "I don't know how to be okay without you."

✮ "I said I was fine, but I'm not. Not even close."

✮ "I’ve been pretending for so long I forgot who I was before all this."

✮ "I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you."

✮ "Do you ever feel like you're just... rotting from the inside?"

✮ "I thought if I stayed quiet, it would hurt less. It didn’t."

✮ "I’m so tired of being the strong one."

✮ "I keep waiting for someone to save me, but no one ever comes."

✮ "You were the only good thing, and I ruined it."

✮ "I hate myself for still caring."

✮ "I didn’t mean to break it—I didn’t mean to break us."

✮ "Please don't leave. I don't think I can take it this time."

✮ "You want the truth? I’m barely surviving."

✮ "I kept it all inside because I didn’t think anyone would care."

✮ "I lie when I smile. I lie when I say I’m okay. It’s all lies."

✮ "You didn’t even notice I was drowning, did you?"

✮ "I don’t know how to ask for help without feeling like a burden."

✮ "I keep hoping tomorrow will be different. It never is."

✮ "I miss the person I used to be. Before all of this."

✮ "I don’t think I’m ever going to be whole again."

[owensgrumpyoranges]

Quick tips for writing kisses

⇰ the pause. THE PAUSE. like “are we doing this? oh god we’re doing this.”

⇰ looking at each other’s mouths like it’s a life-or-death decision

⇰ someone whispering “can I?” or “just once” before going for it and RUINING ME EMOTIONALLY

⇰ hands. gripping shirts. cupping faces. hovering like “do I touch?? I WANNA TOUCH”

⇰ breath hitching?? yes. shakiness?? absolutely.

⇰ that stupid moment where one of them pulls back a few inches like “wait are you sure” and the other just goes for it again

⇰ kissing like they’re scared it’ll be the last time

⇰ kissing like they’ve been waiting ten goddamn years

⇰ teeth clashing awkwardly and both laughing about it but STILL FEELING IT

⇰ one of them freezing for a second mid-kiss because the feelings just hit

⇰ the post-kiss moment of “uh. so. yeah.” where neither knows what the hell just happened

⇰ OR the post-kiss forehead touch. destroy me.

[owensgrumpyoranges]

[owensgrumpyoranges]

You know, I love how Mihoyo showed the relationships between Einstein and Coralie in Chapter 9, the character development etc... but Mihoyo's love towards adding some new characters without actually explaining what they were doing before appearing in plot is something.

And it sure gave me some random thoughts.

I was slightly confused about our girls age, because Helia once mentioned she's slightly younger than Durandal (January 1th 2000*) and she's same age as Coralie. Based on this, I'm assuming both Helia and Coralie was born in early 2000s (2000-2002), so Coralie might be adopted by Einstein in the middle 2000s (2004-2006). Looking at those dates, we're getting interesting picture: it's approximately Alien Space timeline. Post!Second Eruption, Pre!AE Invasion and Pre!Main Story.

It's bizarre to think about, especially remembering how in AE Invasion and main story Ein falls into nostalgia more often than before and gets even more reserved. Now it might feel as if Coralie's existence in Ein's life made her think even more about past and things she should or shouldn't do... but we know Mihoyo doesn't plan so far in advance.

Btw, now I'd be even less suprised how Cocolia was able to menacing around. Joachim recovers, Einstein is busy with her kid, Tesla is Tesla. In addition, imagine Coralie and Einstein in timeline of the main story. I can't help but think about Ein coming back home exhausted after a few days on the mission still rethinking everything, and how Coralie cuddles up to her to provide some moral support... and how tough it was for Coralie herself.

P.S. January 1th 2000 was used in the equation simply because it was Durandal's official birthday, even tho it was made up by Otto. Helia simply couldn’t reference any other date.

[owensgrumpyoranges]

"I want to kiss you but also maybe punch a wall about it." OC behaviors

❤ he looks at her mouth mid-conversation and immediately pretends he didn’t.

❤ she laughs a little too hard at his bad joke and then bites her lip like it’ll keep the real feelings in.

❤ he adjusts his shirt collar even though it doesn’t need adjusting. the air got hotter for some reason??? (hormones.)

❤ she crosses her arms, uncrosses them, then tucks her hands in her back pockets. because what do you even do with your hands when he’s standing that close?

❤ he leans in to say something and she doesn’t hear it, on purpose, just to make him do it again, closer.

❤ her laugh is quieter now. more private, like it’s just for him.

❤ he bumps her shoulder “accidentally” but makes zero effort to move away after.

❤ her pinky brushes his. it’s .02 seconds of contact but now neither of them can remember what they were talking about.

❤ he tugs on the end of his sleeve while staring at the floor because if he looks up he’ll 100% say something reckless.

❤ she says his name a little too softly. a little too slowly and now he’s useless for the rest of the scene.

❤ they both start talking at the same time, then stop, then smile, then look away, then freak out internally for the next five pages.

[owensgrumpyoranges]

[owensgrumpyoranges]

happy birthday to our girl!!

Happy Birthday, Tesla! 🎉

Dedicated to Nicola's obsession with pigeons:

"The pigeons were my only happy companions. I could never be lonely with them around."

Tesla would regularly walk to parks in New York City to feed pigeons, even during harsh weather. He claimed he spent over $2,000 a year on pigeon feed, despite his own financial struggles. Tesla lived in various New York hotels and would often open his windows to let pigeons inside, resulting in a horrible mess.

He was known to keep baskets in his room as nests and even built special devices to help injured birds recover. Tesla once asked a hotel chef to prepare a unique seed mixture for his feathered friends.

Once, he was arrested for trying to lasso an injured homing pigeon in the plaza of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, and, from his holding cell in the 34th Street precinct, had to convince the officers that he was—or had been—one of the most famous inventors in the world. 

In his autobiography, Tesla described a beautiful white female pigeon that visited him regularly. He claimed she was the love of his life, saying:

"I have been feeding pigeons, thousands of them, for years. But there was one pigeon, a beautiful bird, pure white with light grey tips on its wings; that one was different. It was a female. I would know that pigeon anywhere. No matter where I was that pigeon would find me, when I wanted her I had only to wish and call her and she would come flying to me. She understood me and I understood her. I loved that pigeon. When she was ill I knew, and understood; she came to my room and I stayed beside her for days. I nursed her back to health. That pigeon was the joy of my life. If she needed me, nothing else mattered. As long as I had her, there was a purpose in my life."

[owensgrumpyoranges]

YOU ARE LEGIT MY FAVORITE PERSON RIGHT NOW FOR THIS

Emma saw the opportunity to make the moment even more awkward and jumped at it

[owensgrumpyoranges]

Soft prompts to make you YEARN

✭ brushing your thumb over their knuckles while you're both not saying a word, just existing quietly in the same space like it's the most sacred thing.

✭ them absentmindedly playing with the hem of your sleeve because they want to touch you but aren’t ready to say it yet.

✭ “can i kiss you?” whispered like they’re afraid the moment might shatter if they speak too loud.

✭ their voice cracking just a little when they say your name for the first time in a long time.

✭ them resting their forehead against yours and just… staying there. No words. No movement. Just breath. Just nearness.

✭ sharing headphones and they keep looking at you during the best part of the song. you don’t even know what the song means to them but suddenly it means everything to you.

✭ "stay the night?" said so soft it might’ve been a wish.

✭ dragging their fingers gently down your back like they’re trying to memorize the map of your spine.

✭ tracing your features with their fingertip like you're a sculpture in a museum and they were not supposed to touch you, but god, they can’t help it.

✭ “don’t leave yet.” not because you’re going somewhere. but because being with you is the safest they’ve felt all day.

✭ their voice in the dark. low. quiet. like the night is just for you two.

✭ "this reminded me of you" and it’s just a stupid rock or a weird leaf but you hold onto it like it's a diamond because it's you to them.

✭ laying in bed, face smushed into the pillow, sleep-drunk and murmuring, “you make me feel like i’m home.”

✭ them looking at you like you're not just a person, but their favorite story. one they’ve been rereading since forever and still keep finding new parts to fall in love with.

[owensgrumpyoranges]

Never again making up stories in dismay

With several starts but just one end

https://archiveofourown.org/works/67138123

[owensgrumpyoranges]

Did you get enough love, my little dove? Why do you cry? And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best Though it never felt right

Happy AE's anniversary

(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

[owensgrumpyoranges]

A small piece of thoughts from the future AE compendium. Happy AE's anniversary! ---------------------------------------

Even though it was an uncommon practice, Welt and Emma would have pleaded with the hospital staff to move Tesla’s bed beside Lieserl’s. When the girls would wake up, the last thing they would’ve needed was for one to wake up all alone in an empty room, even for a moment. And this way, Welt would’ve been able to watch over the both of them.

Sleep had never come easily to Welt, but during those dark months it would’ve been a luxury he could hardly afford. The fear, the anxiety that the girls might never open their eyes again – it would’ve eaten at him. He would’ve barely rested, and when he did, it would’ve been only in short bursts. The moment his body gave out he would’ve jolted awake again, terrified that something had happened while he was unconscious. Still, more than once, Emma would’ve found him asleep beside their beds, fingers curled around Lieserl’s hand, as if his grip could’ve kept her to this world.

He would’ve refused to let the silence become their long-lasting companion. Planck has told him once that the girls might still hear everything around. So, Welt would’ve read to them – stories, news, anything. He would’ve talked to them, filling the sterile air with his voice, retelling every boring detail of his day. If there was even the slightest chance they could hear him, he would’ve made sure they never felt alone. And sometimes, in the quietest hours, a miserable desperate part of him would’ve wondered – if he begged hard enough, maybe they would wake up.

When Welt would’ve passed out from lack of sleep, Emma would’ve stayed with them through the dark starry nights, holding Tesla’s and Lieserl’s hands beneath the dim glow of the monitors. The weight of helplessness would remind her the one everlasting truth – no parent should have to watch their own child die.

Then, Tesla would’ve woken up far sooner than Lieserl. And as days would’ve turned to weeks with Lieserl still unmoving, the doctors would’ve grown concerned that something might’ve been wrong. They would’ve talked in hushed tones with Emma of the unthinkable. But both she and Welt would’ve thought that no. She had to wake up. She would. They knew it. Her body was just weaker, she was just tired, just resting - but she could hear their pleas. She had to.

So, Welt would’ve begged. Hands trembling, voice breaking, he would’ve pleaded with her. He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. It wasn’t fair.

And after the disaster, after the hospital, after both Tesla and Lieserl woke up, after the fear, after the slow return to something resembling their old normal life, they would have found themselves back in Lab 42. It would’ve been their home once again. And on that first night none of them would’ve wanted to be alone.

And with that thought in mind, they would’ve dragged every pillow and blanket they could find to the lobby and made a big messy nest on the floor. Just the three of them, sprawled together in the exhausted, relieved silence. For the first time in too long, they would’ve slept without machines beeping, without the dread of waking up to bad news. Just the quiet ticking of a clock and the steady breathing of people who had survived.

Though at first, return to the actual normal life would have been…difficult. Especially the communication part. Their sleep schedules would have been a mess, their bodies still recovering, their minds being foggy.

While one would have been dead asleep, others would finally wake up. Or all of them would’ve been asleep and only on rare times you would’ve been able to find all three of them fully awake.

One morning (or could it have been evening?), Ein rubbed her eyes as she walked down the stairs. The lab was too quiet, suspiciously quiet. A realisation struck her. “Welt,” Ein called as she scanned the lobby full of scattered tools but no signs of certain genius. "...When was the last time you saw Tesla awake?". Welt stuck his head out of the kitchen with a puzzled look on his face as if he was trying to recall the last century. "I’m not sure. Two days ago? Maybe three. It’s all blurry."

Ein sighed.

Little did she know that since their sleep schedules became completely desynchronised, Tesla came up with a new way to leave her sharp banter – notes. Everywhere. On the walls, on the fridge, on the tables, on their doors, tucked into coat pockets. The lab became a mosaic of their chaotic, sleep-deprived thoughts.

The first time Ein spotted the first one – it was left on a table, written in that familiar atrocious handwriting.

"Where the fuck is my magnetron?! I left it on the table!

Sincerely yours,

The greatest genius"

Ein couldn't suppress a smirk as she grabbed a pen and wrote a reply beneath it.

"Dear Tesla,

I don't believe you won't try and blow up our lab while I'm not around. I intend to keep potentially dangerous components with me.

:P"

She put the note back to its place and went to the fridge, where another note was waiting – this one in Welt's no less messy handwriting.

"Remember the bag of crisps I left in the fridge? That was mine :("

Beneath it, in a hasty, triumphant words a reply was left.

"Suck it up, green bean, we need food to recover.

– Tesla"

Ein shook her head and added an elegant line to their ongoing conversation.

"Nicola, you should practice your handwriting if you want your insults to be readable.

– Ein"

Eventually, they gathered every note they ever left and put them in a box – so they can have a good laugh years later.

Unfortunately for Tesla, the communication difficulty wouldn’t have been the only struggle they would’ve had to go through on the path of recovery.

During the days when everyone was asleep and all the comprehensible non-scientific literature was read, Welt would’ve found himself returning to a habit from his old lab days - physical exercise. What began as lazy stretches in the backyard soon evolved into proper runs around the campus territory. And since Lieserl and Tesla would have needed physical therapy after the hospital, Welt would’ve taken it upon himself with a great enthusiasm to make sure they didn’t slack off.

By the third morning, Tesla's protests evolved into full screeching theatrical performances the moment Welt tried to drag her outside. Meanwhile, Lieserl, who initially grumbled just as much as Tesla, suddenly started enjoying a new activity in which she could drown herself in aside of work. "Since when," Welt panted, "are you so fast?". Lieserl called back over her shoulder, a familiar devilish grin spreading across her face. "Since I made the groundbreaking discovery that running with you means thirty whole minutes of not listening to Tesla's whining."

And now a little bit of angst. The part that can be especially unfortunate for Tesla is that Lieserl would’ve lived happily with Welt... forever. But what about Edison?

Even if by some miracle, by some moment of clarity where Nancy noticed that Elias gave them the wrong numbers and therefore, she would’ve survived the disaster, the cruel truth would’ve remained – Tesla’s body was frozen in time while Nancy continued her mortal march towards the death. Year by year, Tesla would have to watch Edison grow old and fragile and sick and, eventually, become Nancy’s Charon that lulled her with the song to the afterlife.

How unbearable it would’ve been if Tesla had to explain that she would remain forever young. That with each passing birthday, the gap between them would widen and pull them further away from each other not by choice but by the fundamental laws of existence.

And the cruelest irony? Even with Welt and Lieserl by her side for the eternity, Tesla would still find herself as a third wheel which would’ve been simply unfair.

And as we know how Ein obsessively searched the Welt's soul in the core, this time it would’ve been Tesla who was consumed by the Abyss Flower’s location and its further study, desperately trying to bend its power to grant Nancy immortality. And that old argument with Reanna would’ve hunted her. " There is no absolute boundary between the organic and inorganic. After all, from a different perspective, isn't the so-called “human being” just a machine with self-awareness? "

Her laboratory would’ve become a temple of unsuccessful devotion. Each failed experiment would’ve stolen another precious moment she could have spent with Nancy. The tragedy of the situation wouldn’t been the fact that Tesla could fail but that in trying to cheat time, she would’ve let their remaining years slip like sand through her grasping fingers.

In fighting so hard to preserve their forever, she would’ve already sacrificed their present. But perhaps she would’ve eventually succeeded.

[owensgrumpyoranges]

HNNNNGGGGHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

[owensgrumpyoranges]

"Writing is so much fun!" I say as I smack myself over the head for saying that two characters had been married in the past even though he died when he was fifteen.