#.... i don't think i actually posted icarus here??
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It's definitely... interesting to look at the evolution of the type of characters whose narratives hit me the hardest, because there's a very real shift over time that corresponds pretty glaringly my own life experiences.
When I was younger (high school and into early college) I had a tendency to latch onto bright, eccentric genius characters, not just for their positive traits but also because I was awkward and often lonely and struggled socially, and felt like I could project that onto them easily while still feeling good about myself. There were very real reasons beyond just wanting to feel smart, but I still tied a lot of weighty mental importance and self-identity to characters like the Doctor, and Newt Geiszler, and Ford Pines, in ways that absolutely influenced things like my future career goals and college choices
--and as someone who ultimately fell short of that brilliant academic archetype, in the long run I think it did a lot of damage. I won't say that seeing myself in those characters was exclusively a bad thing (it helped me figure out I was autistic, for one thing, as well as recognize elements of my personality that are also very real during a formative period), but I do have sort of an awkward relationship with how I used to feel about them vs how I feel about them now.
There wasn't a huge transitional phase. I think the main character I can point to as a sort of pivot point might be Percy de Rolo, who still fits the brilliant eccentric archetype but is much more glaringly mentally ill and ultimately ends up on a very different path than he started on by the end of his story. That smug desire to be the smartest person in the room is very much still there, but it wasn't the main reason I latched onto him. And I don't think it's coincidental my biggest CR1 phase hit after I dropped out of school the second time.
Since then, my favorite characters have been...... different. There's Fjord, who picked the wrong patron, totally ruined his life for a bit, and then slowly rebuilt his self-esteem with the guidance of a friend, a new god, and a better calling. Hunter, who was driving himself to the point of a complete breakdown trying to live up to unreasonable standards, and Lilith who made questionable life choices that put her in a similar position prior to a full-on midlife crisis in her 40s. Harrow, who's brilliant and powerful but also completely broken for it and would have been better off if she didn't feel like she had to constantly apologize for existing. And now I'm having a lot of feelings about Andreas, who starts out as a university drop-out going through a total career shift and is clearly somewhat insecure about it who then.... well..... [gestures]
Even when I do like smart or particularly gifted characters, it's for totally different reasons. I like Raine because they're awkward and anxious but still willing to stand up for what's right, and have had a real impact on how I think about my gender and helped reignite my love of performing music. When I first read Gideon the Ninth, I spent a good chunk of the book thinking about how my younger self would have latched onto Palamedes instantly, whereas with my experiences now I almost felt wary to, before ultimately deciding I actually liked him because he was kind, had a strong moral compass, and deeply loved someone who was chronically ill.
And it's not like it's more virtuous to like characters for the reasons I do now, but for me, personally it's certainly healthier to have my preferred archetype be "people who have tried and failed (but aren't giving up)," and it's been a bit of a trip watching that shift happen when for so long I felt so differently.
#sorry for the long introspective post rip#i'm just thinking thoughts lately#some of you have been here long enough to watch this shift happen so i can only imagine what it looks like from the outside#also worth an honorary mention here is my sweet d&d character erwyn#who it's a bit difficult to talk about these days since we haven't been able to play for almost a year but is still so important to me#but who i also created in part to grapple with what it means to fail at what you used to think mattered and still not give up#anyways. kicks my little feet. i'm a two-time drop-out one-time hospitalized four year 'gap year' 26 year-old undergrad#who breaks down a lot and still doesn't know what he wants to do after graduating and doubts himself every step of the way now#but at least i'm in good company#i've seen some people interpret the 'icarus is a myth' in my 2023 affirmations post in a way that's more in-line with my old faves#in the sense of like. stubbornly refusing to admit something might be hubris#but i actually meant the opposite by it. that the fall is real but the story doesn't have to end there#& even if you end up treading water for a while you don't have to drown
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Still thinking about that Astral Codex Ten AI Art Turing test...
I mean... Obviously the one on the right is the human one. Is this some kind of prank? Am I on candid camera?
My suspicion is that what this test demonstrates most conclusively is that we are so thoroughly bombarded with images that we have developed the defensive measure of paying as little attention to them as possible.
We get the gist and then move on as quickly as possible.
Here's someone who did much better than I did on this test explaining their results.
This demonstrates fairly conclusively that nearly all the AI images Alexander chose do in fact, have "tells" which are extremely plain when you attend closely to the details.
In fact, I managed to get 2 out of every 3 correct even with an incredibly lazy and fast-paced assessment carried out on my phone without much recourse to fine detail.
There are two trends I noticed in the comments of the results post.
First, a significant number of ACX posters harbor a suspicion and resentment towards art and good taste, which leads them to suspect that all artistic judgement is essentially arbitrary and based on clout. They don't notice the difference, so there must not be a difference.
Second, a number of people who are clearly AI skeptics gave ground and accepted the idea that the AI images were lacking in "tells" and were especially good, and instead attempted to attack the test on the grounds that this kind of curation was itself unfair.
Both responses indicate, to me, both a fascination with images and a kind of, for lack of a better word, illiteracy about them.
And perhaps most interestingly this illiteracy doesn't seem to obviously vary between pro and anti-AI readers.
To go back to the side by side landscapes up there, the landscape on the left probably has the fewest obvious "tells" of AI art, maybe of all the AI images.
It's also just, you know, a much worse piece of art than the one on the right?
To go back to what I said in an earlier post, the painting on the right draws the eye down the hill. The two figures on the path are expertly set off so that even though they are barely suggested with just a couple of brush strokes, they immediately stand out and draw the eye, causing you to follow the same path they are taking down into the village.
Contrast the image on the left. Which part of the painting is your eye drawn to first? It could really by almost anywhere. No part of the picture is more important than any other, there's very little contrast between, say, the village on the right and the wildflowers on the left. What detail there is is largely because, well, otherwise there wouldn't be a painting.
If you asked 100 art critics which of those paintings was by a renowned master and which one you found hanging in a dentist's office I think all 100 would give you the same answer.
Or take this one:
If you really, really zoom in on the hand on our right, the anatomy is probably wonky, but I didn't notice that, I just thought,
"Okay, but, like, what is this angel, like... Doing?"
This figure, painted in this style, is rife with symbolism. Most likely an angel, or at the very least Icarus, it ought to be extremely clear what sort of emotional/cultural/allegorical/etc. meaning is being communicated, but it is just sort of... looking off yearningly towards nothing.
Culturally, it's just not something that a human would paint as a finished piece.
Actually in general AI seems to tend to either not have a clear focal point, or to have one extremely obvious subject placed right smack dab in the center of the frame.
One of the subtle visual gags in Monty Python and The Holy Grail is that the peasants are often doing things that look, on very cursory examination, as though they are some kind of agricultural activity, but actually they are just hitting random patches of ground with a stick or sitting on the ground and moving mud into a big pile.
And same with this Angel; it looks, at casual glance, to be doing "Angel type stuff" and if you just keep moving you leave with the impression that everything was fine.
But if you stop yourself, go back, and ask, "Wait, specifically what is it doing?" you really can't come up with anything more specific than, "Angel type stuff".
This sort of vagueness is also a tell of AI art.
If what I'm saying sounds a bit frustrated or mean-spirited I think it's because looking at this test has solidified something that I haven't really been able to articulate before, which sort of sums up to the vast majority of talk about AI, regardless of what the conclusion is, evidences a strong emotional investment in images paradoxically combined with a sort of estrangement from them and often even a strong resentment towards them.
Both pro and anti-AI imagery camps contain a tremendous number of people who feel imagery as a kind of imposition, with AI as either an emancipatory force aimed at a tyrannical art world bent on crushing us with arbitrary, incomprehensible images or, on the other hand, as a tyrannical force set to flood us helplessly with a set of incomprehensible images almost entirely against our will.
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What do you think of Nightwing/Robins relationship with each of the Titans through the years? Specifically Roy, Donna, and Wally.
With Donna and Wally it’s so fluffy! With Roy however I feel like they are either partners in crime or hitting each other where it hurts
You're so right anon. With Donna and Wally things are pretty much perfect but with Roy, Dick's relationship is back and forth but it's not because they don't like each other. It's because they like each other too much.
Donna
Donna is EVERYTHING to Dick Grayson. She's his sister, best friend, other half. Hardcore ride or die. He literally walked her down the aisle the day of her wedding.
Tales of the Teen Titans Issue #50
She also said she would follow him all the way down to hell and she damn sure means it.
Justice League of America (2006) Issue #50
These two aren't going anywhere but to each other.
Wally
World's Finest: Teen Titans Issue #5
Wally just loves Dick a lot. Like if he could Wally would just live with Dick forever and the two of them would just be happy for that.
You've probably read my other posts about Wally already but I'll collate them here just because it's a long time and it's a nice refresher.
Dick and Wally's friendship post
Dick as Wally's lightning rod post
How Dick and Wally in a relationship would go post
Roy
Like I said. It's not a problem but Roy's relationship with Dick is based on the fact that he loves Dick too much. He thinks Dick is the best thing in the world to ever exist. All the Titans think that but Roy wants to BE Dick. If you look at it, Roy's relationship with Dick is a parallel to Jason's relationship with Dick and Donna, Wally, and Garth's relationship with Dick matches exactly with Tim's relationship with Dick.
Jason thinks the world of Dick Grayson and tried his best to live up to him. He tried to fill in Dick's shoes which is exactly what Roy does.
Teen Titans (1996) Issue #13
He loves Dick to an extreme that he wants to emulate but finds himself struggling because he doesn't believe he achieves that. So, he acts out in order to recieve attention from Dick and Ollie and so on. He gets aggressive with the people he loves because he wants them to look at him. He wants to keep them looking at him. Which is the reason for the back and forth between best friend and angry friend moods he has going on with Dick. It's born out of respect and love and need for acknowledgement from the person who he considers is the greatest to have ever existed.
The reason I bring up Jason and Tim is because it's the clearest way to explain Dick's relationships with the Titans. The Titans and Dick's brothers hold him in the highest esteem - they just react to him differently. Wally,Donna, Garth, and Tim love Dick and think of him as the peak of perfection. So, Wally and Tim especially celebrate it by using him as an inspiration to be greater. In similar ways, Jason and Roy love Dick and think he's the peak of perfection and want to be him. They use him as inspiration but at the same time they feel the need to compete with him to prove their worth. Where Wally and Tim have just accepted that Dick is the best and can't be achieved by anyone, Jason and Roy actually do try to be like him. However you know what they say about Icarus - don't fly too close to the sun. Meaning, don't be too overly ambitious and greedy. I don't think there's anything wrong with what Jason and Roy do but the impact of what they're trying to achieve has negative consequences on their mental health.
They love him, want to be him, but personally feel they're falling short of him which brings in the mood swings. The rest of the Titans and Tim have a fluffier relationship because they don't even bother. They've just accepted that Dick is the best and go about on their day. So in summary, Roy's relationship with Dick is fraught with tension because of insecurities as a result of hero-worship. But truth be told, Roy loves Dick just as equally as Wally, Donna, and Garth. He simply shows his love a different way to him than they do because they're all their own individual people.
In terms of Dick viewing Roy, Dick is Roy's hardcore friend. He's a real one. When Roy was struggling with drugs, Dick single handedly dragged him into Rehab because he was there for him. Because for Dick, it makes him happy seeing Roy happy and successful.
The New Titans (1988) Issue #101
Titans (2008) Issue #23
And Roy literally holds down Dick when he freaks out and chases after Kori after she gets possessed at their wedding. The friendship they have is not the smoothest friendship but it's a real one. They need each other because when they're each at their worst the other other one comes in slaps the other around, gives a twisted love confession in the form of threats, and then they get better.
New Titans (1988) Issue #101
Dick is stubborn as hell but Roy is willing to put in the dirty work to pull him out. Same goes for Dick with Roy.
Outsiders is probably the best explanation of their dynamic. Roy put together the Outsiders because he didn't want Dick constantly depressed WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT WALLY DID WHEN HE PUT TOGETHER THE TITANS IN TITANS (1999). But it comes off differently because Roy is more aggressive in the way he shows love. If Roy needs anything, Dick's there for him immediately.
Action Comics (1938) Issue #631
THIS. This scene is them.
They're a flipping hot mess that love each other. In other words, Roy and Dick's friendship is what you get when you put two egoists in a room together and tell them that they're going to die only for them to start beating each other up because they're each screaming that they love the other more and neither refuses to let the other one go first. Kinda like the song Style. They fall apart and then they fall back together for an eternity.
#dick grayson#nightwing#donna troy#wonder girl#troia#wally west#kid flash#the flash#roy harper#red arrow#arsenal#tim drake#red robin#jason todd#red hood#cl anon asks#cl asks#batman dick grayson#robin dick grayson#thanks for the ask!
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Hello I would like to remind everyone that the first (technically second if you wanna get really technical but who cares) thing we heard from fable was
"Release Me,
You are free of Enderian, now focus on purpose"
Directed at Icarus
"Now focus on your purpose"????? WHAT HAPPENED TO "HI" "HELLO" "HOW ARE YOU MY SON"
BECAUSE NEWSFLASH SIR THAT'S NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR FUCKING CHILD
THEY AREN'T A FUCKING ROBOT TO TAKE AND CARRY OUT YOUR ORDERS THAT'S YOUR GODDAMN KID!
PEOPLE TREATED SEVEN WITH MORE FAMIARITY AND RESPECT
no offense to seven great guy rip man BUT STILL
Anyway on to actual analysis
After reading this note, several deductions can be made about our antagonist's character right off the bat, which in season 3 we see to be accurate assumptions
First of all the sending of the note "release me" constantly at the beginning of every reset presumably for the past several ones gives us a base line of a few things A) whoever wrote it is trapped B) they really want out C) whomever was to recive the note presumably can help with this D) this person is either very angry and resorting to formal wording as a form of passive aggression or they are simply a very formal person Had this not been the case they would have written "let me out" or "get me out" or even "help me"
Now for the post-corruption portion
"You are free of Enderian"
1) this person knows Enderian 2) This person knows at least of Icarus 3) They intentionally have been sending these to Icarus 4) despite being trapped they have some way to know what is going on 5) their particular view of Enderian is not favorable it's not overtly antagonistic however this is the one part of the not that can be read as at least partially sympathetic to Icarus
Finally "Now focus on your purpose"
1) they don't see Icarus as anything but a means to an end 2) tone wise it feels like both the chastisement of a child and an order to an unthinking being 3) "your purpose" seemingly refers to the prior statement of "release me" either implying that the writer believes Icarus is only here to get them out of wherever they are or that Icarus's sole purpose in life is to aid and assist them and 4) the use of "now" after the previous statement implies they view the corruption arc as simply something that was inhibiting the progression of them being let out
First off once again SIR THAT IS YOUR CHILD YOU MOTHERFUCKER-
In conclusion deductions that can be made from this note with the knowledge that i now hold are as follows: Fable wanted out of purgatory, they issued Icarus with the fulfillment of this task and saw the corruption arc as merely a speed bump on the road of getting his ass outta there. Fable is a pretentious douchebag. Like everyone else in his life Fable is constantly using his own son as a means to achieving his end goal.
Other notes:
Had Fable's motivations not been his underlying obsession with keeping what he believes is "his" even when it disrupts and disregards the rules of the universe and the sanctity of life he likely wouldn't have given 2 shits about Icarus.
If we view Fable's interactions with others through the lense of him thinking of those of the overworld as "his" his people his creations his world then it starts to become clearer that he only sees individuals as tools and for their potential usefulness to him. And if we want to take this view even further we could even say that he at least on some level viewed Alerion giving a place for his deceased mortals to restate something akin to how a child views their sibling stealing a toy from their room, which then implies that the war of the gods is just a big temper tantrum where Fable hurt his brother then his other siblings stepped in and went "hey woah man not cool you can hit Al dude he is literally just playing the game" to which Fable's response was to hurt them as well and now he's just got out of timeout and basically started blaming his parents for everything wrong in his life which is so silly goofy of him until you remember that these were people he was upset about his brother "stealing" from him and it becomes less silly goofy.
"But Lilly!" I hear you say because you've totally read this far, mhm definitely "If he doesn't actually care about the dead people, then why does he act nice? Why is his charisma stat so high?" Well to that I say is it easier to keep someone in one spot when you make them believe this is where they wanna be or when they know the whole truth?
#someone take my Tumblr privileges#why is this so fucking long#and how have i not made this post before??#once again#thank you for coming to my ted talk#fable when i get you fable#i have hated this man since before we knew for sure that he sent that note because deep down i knew and i wasn't gonna let that slide#Icarus deserves better#so much better#also apologies for how discombobulated this might be i had like 4 separate trains of thought while writing this#so idk how coherent it is#fable smp
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Icarus Part 9
Hello and welcome back to this wonderful fic! Like I've said before having a set schedule for each story got hard and I've resorted to posting on vibes alone.
This week's vibes are all over the place because of the pain in my elbow. It's getting better but it's taking every ounce of self-control and self-preservation I have not write as many words a day as I can to make up for lost time and slowly work my way back up to my old schedule so I don't re-injure it.
But as I've said, if you want to see a specific work more often, drop me an ask and I'll see what I can do.
Here we have Eddie being a sweetheart and Steve and his friends being dorks.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8
****
NDAs were such a large part of Steve’s life he couldn’t remember a time he didn’t have them. For everything.
Even producers had to sign them before they could even breathe in the direction of The Fallen in the recording studio.
It was an exhausting but necessary part of his life. Just like the locked room in his apartment.
Shane and Spence had done an amazing job with Steve’s little notebook of song material. And shocker, only two of them were love songs. Most of the rest of the songs were about trying to survive in a world you had to hide.
He knew that a lot of critics would tell them to lose the masks if it bothered them so much, but at this point Steve didn’t care. They were working on their third album in three years and he was fucking tired.
“Again, from the top,” the producer said into the com. “Abbadon you got a little pitchy on the second line. Watch it. Astraeus, you’re coming in too early. It’s duh-ba-ba-dun and then you come in. You’re coming in on the first ba.”
Steve and Shane nodded and they began again.
Steve’s brain thought it was going to melt out of his ears. He had a test for his certification after today’s session in the studio and he was sure all the information would have leaked out by then.
But apparently Steve’s brain went on autopilot taking the test, and not only did he pass, he passed with full marks.
Spence clapped Steve shoulder. “Hey, man if this whole rockstar gig ever falls apart, you should come be an EMT with me.”
Steve grinned back. That wasn’t a bad idea actually. With his lifeguard training and his affinity for thinking well under pressure, it really was the ideal job.
“I might just take you up on that.”
They broke up for the day and as Steve was putting away his guitar his phone rang.
“Hey, Eds,” he greeted.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Eddie replied. “How did your test go?”
“I aced it!” Steve said, bouncing on the tips of his toes in excitement.
“What?” Eddie cried. “Baby, that’s so amazing! We’ll definitely go out tonight and celebrate. But that’s not the reason I’m calling.”
“Oh?” Steve asked.
“How far are you guys into the album?” Eddie asked, hesitantly.
Steve frowned for a moment. He looked over at Spence and Hopper. They had all had a really rough session today and it had become almost grueling in a way that the other two albums never felt.
“Not as far as we’d like,” Steve admitted. If anyone knew what they were going through it was Eddie.
“I’m sorry, babe,” Eddie commiserated. “Would it be better to continue at it or take break touring?”
Steve scratched his cheek thoughtfully. It would be nice to actually take time with the album and not push it out as quickly as possible.
“A break for sure,” Steve murmured. “We’re on our third album in three years, and even though we just got back from a tour, it was less exhausting than being in the studio right now.”
Eddie was silent for a moment. “Have you thought about changing the studio you’re working in? Sometimes a change of scenery can help.”
“I guess we could try,” Steve muttered. “I just didn’t think we had that kind of pull with the record label yet. I’ll call Robin later and see what she can do.”
Eddie hummed in agreement. “So the reason I was asking, babe, is that they have given us a choice of two sets of dates. One that would start at the beginning of the new year and one that would start next summer. And since we’re taking you with us, our management is going to coordinate with yours.”
“Oh.”
Steve wasn’t sure which he would prefer, if he was being honest. “Can I talk to my boys and get back to you on that?”
“Sure thing, Stevie,” Eddie said fondly. “You can tell all about what you guys decided when we meet up for drinks tonight, how does that sound?”
Steve let out a little sigh of relief. “Yeah, that sounds great, Eds. Text me the details.”
“You’ve got it!” Eddie said and then they both said their goodbyes and hang up.
More work, Steve thought mournfully. He didn’t want more work. He was tired and miserable and he should have been happy. The record was liking the album so far, they were about to go on tour with the biggest metal band in the world, he was dating Eddie. Why wasn’t he happy?
He put his head in his hands and forced himself to breathe. He knew that a lot of what he was feeling was being forced to wait when he didn’t want to.
That even if he was out as Abbadon, he couldn’t be out with Eddie. Both of their labels would have literal bitch fits. They could be out to their friends, but as far as the media went, that was off limits. Being bisexual or gay was better now, but it could still tank their careers if they came out with actual same sex partners. Steve’s career especially, new as it was.
Steve let out a low shuddering breath. This whole masked identities shit was tough. He didn’t know how those other bands could handle it. Maybe the difference was that their families knew. He honestly didn’t know.
But he had chosen to walk down this road. When they first started playing and getting turned away by how they looked, they chose to not change themselves, but to become someone else. And it worked and he really couldn’t argue with the results.
Steve loved his job. He loved that he got be in a band with his best friends and that his platonic soulmate was their manager. He loved getting out there on stage and singing his heart out. But it was hard sometimes.
He pulled out his phone and called Robin. “Hey, what are the label’s requirement on getting this album done? Like does it have to be at this studio with this producer?”
“One sec,” Robin said, pulling it up on her computer. She scanned the document complete with searching for key words. “Doesn’t look like it. Why? What’s up?”
“You know how we’ve hit a wall in the studio?” Steve asked around chewing on his thumb.
She scoffed. Of course she knew. “And you’re thinking a change of venue might help or at the very least a new producer?”
“Yeah...” Steve said. “Eddie suggested it, but I wasn’t sure if we had that kind of clout with the record label.”
Robin was quiet on the line, but Steve could feel the cogs in her head turn. “I’ll get on it.”
“Thanks,” he said, breathing out a sigh of relief. “Did Eddie’s label send over the tour dates?”
“Let’s see...” she hummed. “Yup! I’m reading through them... and I’m guessing you to talk with everyone before making a final decision?”
“Right in one,” Steve said. “Preferably with whether or not we get someone else in to produce.”
“You’ve got it, babe,” she said. “Does this have a deadline?”
“Eddie said he would like to know by tonight,” he said, “but I can tell him we’re still working things out and that’s we’ll get back to him.”
“That would be ideal, yes.”
Steve huffed out a laugh. “I’ll still talk to the boys and at least get a feel for what they’re thinking even if we can’t shift producers or studio.”
“Sounds good,” Robin said. “I’ll get back to you as soon as I learn anything.”
He hung up and pulled up the group chat and messaged his friends to meet at his place. He had stuff he wanted to talk with them regarding upcoming tour dates.
Simon and Shane texted back immediately. Spence had left them on read for about fifteen minutes before responding with a question about how long they would be.
And then the ribbing began.
-Oohh...you with that girl?- Shane
-He totally is!!- Simon
-Pics or it didn’t happen- Steve
-Pics!- Simon
-Yeah, man, is she cute?- Shane
-Why do you care, Shane? You’re gay- Spence
-Because like a flower I can appreciate the feminine form, even if I don’t want to fuck it- Shane
Pic comes in of Spence on his couch with a gorgeous dark-skinned woman with soulful eyes and long black hair.
-Meet Nadia
-Lucky guy!- Simon
-That’s quite the flower :P- Shane
-Yeahhh...I’m sorry, man, as much as I would like to let you stay with your lady love, we really need to talk. Business. :(
-I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. -Spence
-lol! You keep telling yourself that and maybe one day I’ll believe you- Shane
-GASP! Spence doesn’t love us! :’(- Simon
-Damn it. Fine I love you all- Spence
-Simon uses sad emoji against Spence, it’s super effective! (pokeball emoji)- Steve
-Meet at my place as soon as you can- Steve
There was the usual chorus of affirmative responses and Steve set down his phone.
He looked up at the ceiling as he huffed out a sigh. His friends were on the way, Robin was trying to fix the problem with them hitting a brick wall making their album, and Eddie was supportive.
It helped that Spence was dating now, too. They could commiserate about their love lives.
Simon hated that while he could get girls as Asmodeus but not as himself he swore off dating until he found someone who liked him for him and not just because he was a rock god.
Shane just liked having fun. Wherever that took him. Usually gay bars with lots of booze and dancing.
They weren’t “rich and famous” enough for the wild parties and shit. At least not yet. They were getting a lot traction with their second major album though so that was probably going to change fast.
Steve just glad that he would have Eddie and Robin holding his hand though this.
He looked over at the contract on his table and sighed. Like Spence, he really did love his job. And he knew that there were hundreds of bands wishing to be in his shoes.
He could do this.
He was, after all Abbadon, lead singer of The Fallen and he knew how to do this shit.
****
Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25
Tag List:
@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03
@spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 @a-little-unsteddie
@chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @danili666 @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach
@val-from-lawrence @goodolefashionedloverboi @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog
@justforthedead89 @vecnuthy @irregular-child @yikes-a-bee @bookbinderbitch
@bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon
@cinnamon-mushroomabomination @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian
@thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman @eyehartart @dawners
@thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95 @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot @papergrenade
@cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars
#my writing#stranger things#steddie#ladykailtiha writes#rockstar steve harrington#rockstar eddie munson#rockstar au
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Hey! So one of my characters has fibromyalgia and I have her using crutches for it. My problem is that I was on crutches a while aback and I remember them being like really painful on the hands (grip wise). Is there any way to like make the handles softer to stop the grip from hurting other than buying a custom set of crutches (from what I’ve seen they’re ridiculously expensive). Thanks for answering :p [emoticon of a smiley face sticking its tongue out]
Hello!
If your character is using crutches long-term (Such as for a chronic condition/permanent disability), they would likely be using forearm crutches, which are different from the kind of crutches you use for a temporary injury.
Forearm crutches are much better for longer use because they are more comfortable and can help prevent damage caused by long-term use of regular crutches.
That said, if you're referring to regular crutches, there are several options available to make them more comfortable. Virus mentioned a few products for padding below so I'll just add that there's also DIY ways to improve the comfort when using regular crutches.
One of the main ways that I've seen it done (And I've used myself back in the day) is to take a hand towel and secure it around the top via duct tape. It helped a lot to prevent bruising around my armpits/upper arms when using them.
Virus covered most of what I wanted to go over below so I'll end my part here!
Cheers,
~ Mod Icarus
Hello lovely asker!
I use regular crutches on and off! 😃 Forearm crutches and canes don't work too well with my body but normal crutches have always been comfortable for me!
They actually make these paddings that go around the part for under the arm and for around the handle part, usually secured with Velcro or a button clasp. Some have like memory foam, some are more of a stuffing texture (sorta fluffy), there's some gel ones, some are more like moleskin where they're not padded but they prevent friction, and sometimes there's a neat little bag that comes with that hangs on the side of them. Of course the hand made option is always very good too, which a lot of people do. Having the crutches decorated/customized is an cool option which I mean a lot of us do with stickers, washi tape, charms, keychains, other things that you can safely decorate mobility aids with.
But Icarus is very right though. I don't use my crutches everyday I use them whenever I injure myself or need support. My body is very loosy goosy for a lack of better words and so I often injure my lower body very frequently, so I often just need the support. But I also lean on everything around my house and use things for support. My old medical pole, I do this with my wheelchair, the counters, the handles on doors and the fridge. Most everything I named comes up to right below my shoulder or higher so I don't have to lean over to lean on anything or in an uncomfortable position.
I think this is an interesting to think of: does this work for your character?
If it's no, maybe not, and you still want to show regular crutches being used, one thing you can do actually is show the character start with underarm crutches and then change to forearm crutches as their long term aid. Or even show that they change in between them; using their forearm crutches for most of their movement/activities while using the underarm ones for something quick or as a quick grab or if their forearm crutches break etc.
But also if you're doing a situation where it's like post-apocalytic setting, poor area/the character grew up poor, or other situations like that, it is very likely for the character to use underarm crutches rather than forearm crutches. Forearm crutches can be about double to triple the price of what normal crutches are so they are a bit more expensive. These are all little factors to consider.
Hope this helps some and happy writing!
~ Mod Virus 🌸
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🫀and ♟️?
Questions from here:
Fair warning: Lots of Lore dumping is about to take place /A long read... (but for those of you who want a quick read, you can just skim to the picture/image sections which will give a quick summary of what is being explained.) Have a great day!~
Lady Celestine was actually never supposed to be Merlyn... She was originally going to be the "Lady of the Lake... Nimue"
If you see in the earlier drafts I tried to hang on to the whole blacksmith idea/ and the creator of the scared items but then I just changed it to alchemist cause it was just I solidified her role as Merlyn~
She was going to be the soul inside the Galaxia, but she lost all her memories because she was the first to rebel against the ancients and withheld her creations as an act of protest towards them and the other Heroes of Yore... And was punished as a result, but before she was permanently sealed she performed her last act of defiance and scattered them about the galaxy.
(Via. Galaxia imprisonment )
While Sir Uther & Sir Icarus were supposed to fill the bigger roles of how the galaxy became a wasteland, she was written to be the only truly "Good hero of Yore."
Lady Celestine as Lady of the Lake:
I couldn't grasp what to do with her... She definitely had a more stern personality to fit Galaxia, but I just couldn't get on board with her character. The best way to say it is I think I made her "too perfect" (or the girl bossed her too much... I was reading Remarried Empress at the time, so basically, she had Navier's personality.)
Seemly cold & calculating but has a heart of gold underneath is all merely misunderstood. Very nonsense struggles with connecting Normally methodical and is always composed but has a sarcastic tic to her if you rile her up enough...
She was still an owl lady, but it was a reference to the Athena Goddess of Wisdom in Greek Mythology. (Owls often being associated with her and being her symbolic creature.)
I much as I loved the arctype (Navier's personality.)I wasn't in love with her character...
She had nothing really attaching me to her... it just felt like she was there to fill a slot as another hero of Yore she had nothing endearing about her... I didn't know what to do with her...But I didn't want to throw her away (I loved her design & color scheme).
That is until I ran into another problem...
For those who don't know in the original draft, Srir Arthur was supposed to be the villain in the series. (or the surprise villain so to speak~) However, once the rewrite happened and created Sir Uther in the au...all his evil went into him.
Especially once I changed his relationship with Meta Knight as his father figure and became the one who saved him from Sir Uther. But despite all my mind just kept seeing that man as a villain~
But then it occurred while creating this post (Link here ) ... Wait a second (*me taking a long good look, at Sir Arthur in the narrative*) WHY ARE YOU GOOD? I needed a reason why Arthur was good in the KBASW.
I wrote him too naturally accepting he just seemed too suspicious... plus... And besides with such a corrupt system in the GSA (the one created by the Ancients & Uther), how could one good egg exist...
So in a very "Meta" way (pun intended), not only was I trying to find a motivation for him to be good that convincing in the narrative... I was also trying to convince myself...
Perhaps if it was another character, it'd be enough, but... The Sir Arthur from the first draft kept creeping in my mind... (it's so hard to let go of your first ideas...)
Then the answer came to me... who (in Arthurian) was Arthur's mentor and confidant, and his compass in guiding him to become king...Merlin. I had a Sir Uther... why not have a Merlin! (Plus, in the show Merlin 2008: Arthur started out as a little jerk ward and only became a better person through Merlin's influence!)
Wait a moment... don't I have a character design on the back burner.
So, I fully committed to changing her role as the Merlyn of the KBASW... I was able to get a better feel for who she was in the story. This resulted in the current design & personality she has now...
Basically, I pulled both the Disney & TV versions and took my favorite aspect of both of them which resulted in the vigilante persona of "Merlyn" was actually a nod to the TV series Merlin's old man persona Dragoon...I did want to make a few changes to really make her more than just a counterpart to Merlin. (I think that's why I got so stuck on her the first time when she originally was the Lady of the Lake...)
So her future vision would always be the main part of her character. Though I made it the reason why she was such an empathic person. Not only seeing the future, but she can feel it too:~
To go along with the whole guide theme, I made it a part of her title as a Hero of Yore~. Celestine, the "Navigator of the Constellation." The four-pointed Star Crystal refers to the "North Star," the closest star to the celestial pole, the main compassing star to signal north... it was used to guide people home~. (The moral compass)
Due to her ability, she gets overly involved in situations and emotions. Since she has all these terrible visions, she feels responsible for them. Which results in her being overly critical of herself when things go wrong and lacking self-care. Despite hating her abilities, she is overly reliant on them...
Overall she's a smart, witty, scatterbrained, down-to-earth, well-meaning goofball with a sassy edge...
I was finally able to give Celestine the soul that she needed. And how did they become a couple, you may ask? When writing her her story was so entirely laced with Arthur (because of Arthurian legend) that their chemistry was undeniable...(Also I shipped Merthur in the TV series, so once I saw an opening I took it)
And she since was supposed to be Arthur's person. I used complementary colors to connect the both of them together. Adding orange & gold to her blues & yellow...
And so with that all said Sir Arthur became
The First Redeemed Villian of KBASW~
Redeeming the former baddies so they can use their skills and talents for the forces of good through kindness (Kirby). Celestine is basically the first one to do so... This did so much for the plot.
Sir Arthur: If someone like me could be given a chance and be changed for the better... Then so can this lot (Referening to Star Allies)
Arthur can naturally, relate to Kirby's menagerie of former villains who wanted to improve and be reformed. It fixed the problem of his niceness/goodness coming off as disingenuous (when I first was writing). There's a motive and reason behind them... Celestine. She showed Sir Arthur that there was a better way, a smarter way, a kinder way... It's her influence & example that inspired him to be a better man... a good man.
That's how Arthur gained the empathy & courage to stand up to Sir Uther and injustice when he was about to execute baby MK. It also enriches Meta's relationship with Sir Arthur... The man was barely holding on, and Meta gave him a reason to live.
Due to the Ancient cursing & erasing Celestine from existence, she was, he could not even speak her name. But Arthur was able to walk around this by speaking about that funny whimsical rouge that he was never able to catch "Merlyn." The stories always made Meta laugh; however, he could never understand why Sir Arthur would speak of this failure so fondly.
He deeply blames himself for not being able Celestine. Everything that happened to her was out of his control... This is why Arthur wants to create a better world, a place where Meta & Celestine would've been accepted.
Not only that, but he has this fear of being alone left. This is why he made the safest route for Meta Knight (to be one of the holy knights to keep him safe...), but wasn't the right path for him which (Leads to "Birth of Lone Swordsman...") and misunderstands. This makes it all the more heartbreaking to Arthur that Meta Knight thinks he doesn't truly love & care for all of him... when he does </3.
(Don't worry) He learns his lesson, and they make up (early on during Falsapr getting punished for the Fisher King incident, spontaneously meeting up when they're both saving Falspar...) It wasn't a proper talk and it was mostly Arthur and Meta apologizing because they missed each other.
MK only understands Sir Arthur after the war (& the Knightmare's End Saga). And goes to apologize to him again during the Kirby & Crystal Shard (I need a reason why the Meta wasn't there during the game... perfect excuse...)
Also presents a reason why Sir Arthur allows Meta Knight & Kirby to stay in Dreamland. "You deserve a chance to find yourself after this war... that man (Uther) can no longer have a hold on us... You have nothing to prove, you're free now... but if you need anything I will always be here waiting, just visit when you can okay?"
He learns his lesson, too, allowing him to leave & stay as he pleases... and the door was always open for him & Kirby the gang!~
(and someone gets rather jealous of this bias.... *cough* Dragato)
And of course, they do visit often (the plot demands it)... This leads MK to re-establish closeness with his mentor (learning from his own time with Kirby). Sir Arthur was trying his best too & he isn't perfect... he's not invincible... Wait what's happening to him...Why is he moving slower... His protector who seemed so unshakable...his father-... Is he getting weaker?
The early reconciliation is to make way for the true conflict: Meta realizes that his father figure is growing older & weaker. But why (*cough* Trip to Underworld *cough *the deal *)... like I said the man did not leave for free, a price had to be paid... (Did I have these two rekindle their wholesome father-son relationship only to have something tragic happen to the father... yes!)
There's such an emotional reason why Meta Knight has to become the leader of GSA. He's not only continuing Arthur's legacy but also Celestine's legacy. With the way Arthur raised him, he was able to instill the beliefs of her as Merlyn... And I also:
In the Kirby game series, Meta Knight always offers a sword to Kirby. It comes into play with Arthur's story. This act was done with Arthur & Celestine, however, not for the sake of due... for a very different reason... And this action & courtesy is passed down. (There's a hidden special meaning behind it... SWORD & THE STONE REFERENCE)
And so, making Celestine Merlyn was the best decision I ever made!
Celarthur/Merthur
Really, I wanted to engineer a love story that complemented the series as a whole... I was able to write Arthur as a fuller character as well as give an emotional core to him. And Celestine became a fleshed-out three-dimensional character and found his place in the narrative.
I KID YOU NOT THESE TWO SAVED EACH OTHER'S CHARACTER WITHIN AND OUT OF THE STORY! I LOVE THESE GOOBERS WITH ALL MY HEART!
@kirbyoctournament
Fun Fact:
Guys I kid you not she was so close to being named "Celestia..."But then I kept associating the name with My Little Pony~ (hardcore Brony back in the day) So she became Celestine...
~
@ceoofmetagala I got so excited when I got your ask (♟️it was the question I really wanted to get), and the fact that you were the one who asked made me so happy... I JUST HAD TO GO ALL OUT ON THIS POST~ And then I think I got carried away and ended up making it too long!~
I know you wanted this was just a questions 🫀 &♟️ on them:
♟️: When did you make your oc?
But it ended up being snowballed into the trial & error of creating Celty and how she wound up as the final version of herself.
🫀 : is there anything your oc and canon characters don’t like about each other?
I promise I'll get into this 🫀 A lot of people asked this. I'll get to the one soon... I wanted to do something extra special for this one... comic maybe~ (this was the one where I hinted jokingly that everyone wanted Arthur to get the couch~)
I hope this is enough & that you like it!
#lady celestine#sir arthur#celarthur#meta knight#merthur#kirby oc#kbasw answers#kirby right back at ya#sir arthur kirby#kirby oc tournament#kirby#kirby anime#kbasw#oc x canon#ceoofmetagala#krbay#I really wanted to do something special#When a homie asks in the inbox of course you gotta go all out#I hope i manage to fix a the spelling and grammar mistakes
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please tell us your shinyduo thoughts abt sun moon symbolism :0
okay so it all starts in esmp s1 where pearl has such heavy sun imagery and gem literally builds a moon so that one is pretty obvious
and when we get to hc s8 they literally have matching horses with gem's being named sun and pearl's being named moon
admittedly, hc s9 is more vibes based, but eleven seem so much more sunny to me in contrast to pearl's alien themeing where a large majority of it was trapped underground. most people just associate moon with darkness, so bam gem is sun and pearl is moon
now esmp s2 and this one is tricker than the others. in my head they are both the sun which is why they practically never interact. it's like trying to connect magnets by both of their north poles
sl is an outlier to me where they break this pattern of one being the moon and one being the sun imo. some people believe that pearl is the sun and gem is a sunflower, but i like to think pearl is simultaneously the sun and the moon with gem being akin to icarus. here is a very non structured brainrot post
we finally get to hc s10, and immediately we are hit with 'morning sunshine' from gem. she wants me dead. but also, building off of that pearl went for a very peaceful farmhouse as her starter base with farming normally being associated with daylight/the sun. we have a dredge theme from gem which has a daylight cycle in it, and during the night is really when you start getting the horrors. she already has touches of that (floating fish), so following the logic of that game she has been fishing at night and thus moon
the part that gets me the most is how consistent the themeing is and just how close both of them are. most smps have pretty good evidence for gem and pearl being connected to the sun and moon with a few outliers (looking at you nlsmp)
now time for the actual theorizing, like i mentioned in the esmp s2 bit, it's almost like the sun and moon are opposite poles of a magnet. i don't believe they are soulmates, they can live without the other, but when they are in proximity, you bet that they will be inseparable
so they both have been represented by the sun and moon, and i propose that pearl is the embodiment of light, while gem is the embodiment of void. why do i think that? well, pearl's is the easiest to explain with her saint pearla stuff and how her named both have aspects of light in it. pearlescent describes the surface of an object, and both being able to see if something is pearlescent and to see the moon requires light to bounce back into your eyes
now gem as the void, hear me out. her constant connection to the end/endermen/ender dragon. also the connections of gem and traveling across worlds where the thing in-between them is void (see s9 botem ending). with the most solid piece of evidence being hc s10 where her themeing is ocean/water horrors. and the most common reason people fear the ocean is how vast and unknowing it is. like a void
this is great and all, but how does it link back up with sun and moon? they are opposites of each other and their sun and moon themeing is just one way that is expressed alongside light and void. because of how different they are, it makes them more attached to each other. something something opposites attract
#hermitcraft#erm wow this was a lot longer than i expected#empires smp#shiny duo#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#also if you have any new/different ideas regarding this i would love to see them#asks#*squinting eyes* is this even legible#also also i do have a more fleshed out 'gem is the void' post in the works rn so just be patient#long post
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Baton update: the Finale
Guys I have done it. I strapped on my wax wings and unlike Icarus did not crash and burn. The baton. Is finished. And so is the base. Finished them both today. I might not have ever been much of a crafts guy but I am INCREDIBLY pleased with the final results. This started out as a pipe dream and now it's reality. Don't let your dreams be dreams etc etc
Showing her off first 💞💞💞 I'll add the rest of the images below a cut so this post isn't a mile long but AHHHHHH IT'S FINALLY DONE!!!! Guys I've been working on this since May but I was determined to finish it before the year let out
Here's the baton itself. What a beautiful pain in my ass. It's a regular 12" conductors baton so trying to turn it into Zelda's definitely not 12" Glorious Baton was. Awkward. I winged this entire thing. The grip/spiral is a rubber band. (Two, actually.) It's held together by sheer determination and super glue. I colored those pink roses with marker. The tail parts are made out of cardboard (half from a non corrugated bit off a package flap and half from a graham cracker box.). I couldn't find a wired ribbon to use for the end so I just cut a length of wire and fucking sewed it to the ribbon. Improvise, adapt, overcome.
The display base was simultaneously more and less of a hassle than the baton. Much less fine, close quarter work, much more difficulty getting things to stay put (this is a callout post for the garland, I'm looking directly at you.) Initially I made the actual display holder, which is 100% just painted wooden skewers, then I took MORE package cardboard and used that as the base. If I was a little more insane I'd add tiny lights somehow so the triforce could light up. The garland was. An absolute pain just 100% from having to decide which leaf extensions to remove to positioning them to trying to attach the damn thing (challenge: nearly impossible.) BUT it is surprisingly sturdy for what amounts to a piece of cardboard and some tiny sticks. I just now added that central support piece and the extra flowers today, because unfortunately the baton is top heavy and without it it just... Well. Spun itself upside down. The foam flowers themselves added a shocking amount of weight to it, but it's the baby's breath that really weighs it down. Not that it's heavy--it's very nice to hold in the hand, but again, it likes to spin itself around if only supported at the ends.
It kinda doesn't feel real. I still honestly feel like I should wake up tomorrow and go "I'm gonna work on my baton today!" I think my brain is in denial lmao. Been working on this thing for seven months, man. This year has DEFINITELY been my introduction to crafting year, and I had a blast. After all that time, and it's finally complete. Thank you to the Legend of Zelda for always being a massive inspiration to me throughout my life. Wow. Reality really can be whatever I want. I made myself a prop/display piece out of random materials and a dream
#loz#hw#hyrule warriors#zelda#<- this shit is going in the main tags i didnt spend seven months on this thing for no one to see it#the jackdaw treasury#(muffled screaming)#its fucking DONE!!!!! FINALLY!!!!#i am NOT going to be crazy and immediately turn around and make the sacred baton!!!! i need to be normal!!!!#honestly the only reason im not seriously considering that course of action is bc i already know#trying to get those pieces inside the baton is going to be a massive pain#ive seen online someone made it out of clay but im. not a clay guy. hate clay. hate touching it#maybe one day when i have more hubris#as it is i still need to finish my sewing project#and i hope sometime soon i can get back to drawing and chatacter designing#man. seven fucking months dude#(contented sigh)#also if you recognize my tattoo from real life no you dont im hitting you with the memory erasing ray
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Rating Post-Resurrection (but pre-nu52) Jason Todds
Hush(/Clayface/Jason Todd) - eh. Good instincts for drama. Good insults. You're fine, but it was easy to believe you were an imposter. Plot is ridiculous. (Personality 1) 7/10
Under the Hood/Family Reunion/Franchise/All They Do is Watch Us Kill - I mean ... yeah. You're what I think of when I think of Jason Todd. You define the character. Also, you ARE really funny with Black Mask. (Personality 2) 8/10
Life and Death (Titans Tower) - okay. YOU are not necessarily the problem here. The problem is that the author doesn't understand Tim or what happened in the comics he's referencing AT ALL, and puts the most nonsensical words into your mouth as a result. Also misunderstands the New Teen Titans. And you're drawn really ugly. Under all the retcons and nonsense there is SOME okay characterization, though! (Personality 3) 4/10
World War III - never plan on reading this.
Daedalus and Icarus (Summary of Jason's Return) - This is a recap, but it's a recap of things we haven't been shown. Recaps aren't stories, so it isn't GOOD, but it does have some puzzle pieces. (Personality 2) 3/10
Pay As You Go (Outsiders) - you try SO HARD! All you do this arc is try to help a superhero and get beaten up by Dick. Maybe a bit of standing around being awkward because you don't know how to break into the securest prison on the planet. You are being very fanon Jason this arc. (Personality 4) 5/10
Brothers in Blood (Nightwing) - you're ugly, you're mean, you're dumb, and you turn into a tentacle monster. An UGLY tentacle monster. I enjoy laughing at you! (Personality 5) 2/10
Seeing Red - this arc is SO FUN. You are unhinged, but I would have LIKED if this turned out to be who you are. You truly think that blowing up Mia's gym is HELPING!!! Delightful and silly and I like the talking ape. Go hang out with the Arrows more. (Personality 3) 8/10
Countdown - you remain my favorite post-resurrection version. Love you as an insecure, immature kid trying to impress your big brother's friend. Love how young you are. Love how emotionally fragile you are. Love all the pretending to be tough. This would have ALSO been a great version for other authours to run with! (Personality 4) 9/10
Search for a Hero - I HATE EVERY THOUGHT TIM HAS ABOUT YOU IN THIS ARC! Why does the authour think so little of you?? You are not dumb and brutish and I refuse to believe this slander. Your expressions when you see someone in your Red Robin costume, AND when Tim turns down your 'awesome' team up plan, both belong in an arc that respects you more. (Personality 3) 4/10
Robin Dies at Dawn - see, this is how people should write you interacting with Tim. I want him to take you on as a project, and everyone to recognize that this is both condescending and not healthy behaviour. I guess YOU don't actually do much, though. How is this the next issue? (Personality 3) 7/10
Battle for the Cowl - shouldn't there be editors? People to say, "this authour isn't very good and maybe these characters should act like themselves?" I want comics to be better. (Personality 4) 3/10
Revenge of the Red Hood/The Streets Run Red - I don't read Morrison, but I've seen a bunch of panels. Wrong sort of unhinged, in my opinion. I prefer you to be trying to help people, not win some sort of messed up contest with the Bats. (Personality 6) 5/10
Red Hood: The Lost Days - look, I'm not here for your thighs, your daddy issues, or your revenge fantasies. I am here for your truly unhinged attempts at bonding with others, and the sincere confusion you seem to have when they don't work. This is good, but not for me. There's not even any ridiculously large crates of kryptonite! (Personality 2) 7/10
#please argue with me about personalities!#which arcs can actually be the same character in YOUR opinion?#any arcs I missed?#red hood#jason todd#gecko's lists#gecko recs stuff#(only green arrow: seeing red. that's the only one I rec)#(countdown jason is good but reading countdown is so much work)
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gay people go here
james/icarus/patroclus | he/it/they + she sometimes + neos! switch it up
19 | traumagenic system
blog is rated 16+ interact at own risk
follows and likes from @faggotcowboys | alter blog: @lowresolutionboyfriend
ccs dni i dont want you here this is my treefort and ur not invited
I POST HERMITSHIPPING!!! BOO!!!
hi! wewcome to my bwog uwu i am a longtime tumblr user moving blogs
i mostly post hermitcraft/trafficlife but i dabble in some other stuff too <3
i am a fan of the dream smp but i dont post about it and i have most of the fanbase on here blocked from ye olden days. i dont like interacting with the fandom other than fanart so dont expect that from me if ur blocked nothing personal just how it is
i'm a writer. in theory. mostly i liveblog and shitpost and reblog art but occasionally i will upload my own art or writing
i do not tag for shipping mostly because i am absolute dogshit at remembering. i am an adult and i don't shy away from reblogging suggestive or the occasional nsfw post, but usually they're tagged under #suggestive or #nsft.
i am a beginner artist! please be nice to me :') i use krita
for hc s10 i'll be maining grian, joel, scar, and etho, but as of right now i am also caught up on mumbo, iskall, gem, zombiecleo, and i'm trying to slowly work my way through other people's povs
i main grian and joel! i go apeshit insane over scarian and smalletho, but i also enjoy gribeans/joelian and smallidarian/badboys content. treebark fan by osmosis. outside of trafficblr i watch a lot of content creators but ive been a fan of slimecicle and jschlatt for a while
used to be a wilburian. still like c!wilbur, disappointed and ignoring the actual guy. support shelby shubble and victims of abuse
i dont tag things as duo names i think its dumb as fuck i portmanteau their names or use "ship names" even if i dont care whether its romantic or platonic. if that bothers you block button
i dont believe in dnis but if you are a fan of dreamteam vivziepop jkr matpat or brendon urie i am probably going to block you. no terfs no swerfs no maps no zionists no racists or anti-semities and i am NOT pro-endo but i dont really care?? as long as you dont cause syscourse ur welcome idgaf
i <3 heart weird problematic labels like boygirl fagdyke mspec butch lesbians bi lesbians bi gays cisgender het aros furries neopronouns xenogenders objectum and if any of that bothers you. well. block button
#tags for navigation ->#jamies bad posts#jamies bad art#jamies bad writing#jamie liveblogs#jamies faves#jamies absolute faves#fanart fridge#other peoples art#core tags#jamie answers asks#jamies serious posts
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So I drew stuff-
I was bored at a meeting type thing two days ago so I did a lil bit of rough sketching.
These are the results! I like Rae and Momboo the most. I don't know what went wrong with Icarus though lol, we'll just ignore them-
I also just did some rought coloring bc I wanted to, here's how that looks.
I don't know whether I prefer the uncoloured or the coloured versions but I am glad I did the sketches in the first place.
This is my first time drawing any sort of specific fanart for a fandom and I am a little sad that it took me until days before the finale airs to draw anything related to fable smp, but it is what it is.
I kinda want to do a bigger, digital lineup with more characters but knowing me that's gonna take a long time (if it gets done at all). I'm posting about it here so I have more incentive to actually do it. I did want to get that finished by the time I watch the finale (not when it airs bc that's not possible), but I don't think that's going to happen, no matter how much I want it to. But I guess we shall see! For now, thank you for reading and have a lovely [timezone]!
This section is optional and mostly just an update.
About the finale. I will not be seeing it live and I will not see it when its posted since a) i'll have a guest over for a few days and b) its airing at 1am my time. Its probably gonna take another week or two for me until I can watch it because I am behind. I do know about Sherbs summary vod but now I might as well catch up by watching the other vods... all this to say that if you see me posting about old vods after the finale is aired, don't worry about it lol, just let me vibe in blissful ignorance. You'll know once I've seen the finale, trust me. I'm also going to continue being pretty inactive in terms of reading other posts on here since I don't want to spoil myself. Once I'm all caught up I might just spend some time reblogging a bunch of posts and talking about the acting and all that good stuff. But anyway! Thank you for reading the additional stuff lol and have a nice [timezone]!
#indigo rambles#indigo sketches#fable smp#fable smp rae#fable smp icarus#fable smp aax#fable smp fenris#fable smp wolf#fable smp ven#fable smp momboo
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So, ages ago, I made a post saying which miraculous I'd give to Fable Characters and I keep going to review it - especially now that the series is done - and I keep going back and forth or am unsure of some of them, however here are the ones that I'm definitely sure of + a small ramble on each...
Rae has the Ladybug earrings of Creation. It repairs the damage after each fight and also gives you an item that you need to work out how to use in a fight, I think this would fit Rae with how he uses or alters things to use in a given situation. As a bonus, i also believe Tikki would be a great kwami for him, to help give this man some positivity and support.
Athena would get the Ring of the Black Cat. While yes, this may be an obvious choice given that both have destructive abilities, I think the arc they go on with learning how destruction isn't always a bad thing, is a good reason why they would use it responsibly. I headcannon they wouldn't use it a lot at first (amd even that Icarus would take it from them during the Ominous Bane arc) but again after their journey I think they would be a great holder of the ring.
I can also see Athena having the Pig miraculous. The ability to show someone their greatest desire would play well with their positive attitude and how they can comfort others.
Centross would get Goat. The Goats ability allows you to create any non-magical item, I feel like this would be great for him, especially as a fighter. He can use it to his advantage and to level the playing field of most combat he comes to. It'd have been great for the "stuck in the End" arc as he could use it for the various tools he'd need for survival.
I could also concider giving him the Rooster miraculous for the same reasons, but I feel that the Goat would suit him better.
Ulysses would have the Peacock brooch. The Peacock can create 'sentimonsters' for either yourself or others and they fight for and/or protect you. I feel like I don't need to elaborate, but I will point out that there's a kind of similarity of how Argos sees the sentimonsters as living creatures and understands that they're alive and you can easily manipulate/control them and even end their existence with a literal snap of your fingers vs how Ulysses viewed and learned that the experiments (Aax) are actually living people/creatures. This similarity and understanding is why I think Ulysses would be a great Peacock holder.
Will would get the Bull miraculous. The Bull allows you to be invulnerable to others' attacks. This mainly plays in with his mask (at least it's my theory that it was mainly the mask protecting him) and as someone who wouldn't choose violence I think its good for him to have an extra protection on himself.
That's all the ones I definitely have for now... thoughts? Opinions?
I'd also concdier giving the Turtle miraculous to Will if I wasn't going to give it to Arisanna. The Turtle miraculous is a protection miraculous amd with how they are protective of the Allays and, later, people in her life I think this would be a good one for her. Since the 'Shellter' ability also acts as a type of cage, you could say she abuses this power during her vexed arc.
Edit: I forgot to add: *no one* is getting the Rabbit miraculous, no way I'm giving time travel abilities to one of them. Instead I think itd be neat if the Rabbit miraculous were to take place of As It Is. You'd reset the timeline by messing with it and you can say that Hayley used it and that's how she got to be "the village crazy lady"
More later?
If I think up more I might do a ramble post or I've always wanted to do a video like this, I don't know... but tha k you for coming to my TED talk
#fable smp#fablesmpblr#fable smp headcanon#fable smp theory#fablesmp#a ybh post#rae morningstar#centross mistvale#ulysses themist#fable smp athena#Will fable smp#fable smp arisanna#miraculous ladybug au#miraculous#fable smp au
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Okay I swore to myself I wouldn't read Flight Of Icarus but there's been a very desperate anon in my inbox for a week now repeatedly asking for meta and reassurance and I can't say no to someone with such anxiety so I read it today and I'll put my thoughts in a post later tonight.
Specifically @ anon: I really don't think Eddie's mean or an asshole at all in the book. He's exactly like an abandoned teenager with a narcissistic father who emotionally manipulates him would be, and considering this is set 2 years before the series, I feel it's a well-enough written prequel showing the road to how Eddie became our Eddie. As for the love interest, Paige is quite...bland? He likes her, though, and he is a simp. He's not a player or something like that. She's more into him than he is into her, but it's relatable why he's so guarded - and it very obvious that with the way people perceive him, as a fuckup just like his dad, romance isn't exactly something he deems possible for himself and he's made his peace with that. It's developing into a friends with benefits situation, so no big feeling but he still simps and is sweet and he cares, he's not using her and shooting his shot to get out of Hawkins is very relatable (again, he's using her for that but it's clear he's not playing any games, and that he genuinely likes her). He is a romantic it's definitely there. Paige just isn't The One - I don't know how else to phrase it, bear with me here. He's a bit passive in the romance part; it's her initiating things and he's mostly taken by surprise that she likes him that way when every other girl before that treated him as nothing but a dare, which, I think, is why he's not out for being anyone's boyfriend, actively. But he doesn't say he doesn't want to, he just doesn't think it's in the cards for him and with the way Hawkins treats him, it's relatable for him to have his guards up. And while it's not exactly love, there's nothing wrong with taking what's offered, as long as you actually like the other person and treat them with respect, which he definitely does. It's a crush, for sure, but there's a lot of very heavy stuff on his plate. Again, I'll make a more detailed post but since you were very upset and anxious about it, I figured now that I read the book for you (I'm giving myself a little pat on the shoulder for that 😂) I'd make a post to soothe your nerves a little until then 🖤
Disclaimer: I still don't see the book as canon. More like a parallel universe version of the story of how Eddie became Eddie, if that makes sense.
#the things you do to calm the other little sheepies#kiki answers#i guess#flight of icarus#eddie munson
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What keeps me from writing: my own insecurity I guess. I can write random scenes that never go anywhere but I struggle writing complete stories because that's when my stupid goblin brain will hit the breaks and be like: hold on a second, this is nothing like what the writing books say. For some reason I get stupidly hung up on doing things the "right" way (aka what some professional writing person has said). I have to actively, mentally go against it and tell myself to write things the way I feel are right for me. And on the bad days I can't tell anymore if what I just wrote is good or bad because all I can hear in my head is: this not how you're supposed to do it. I like to think I'm getting better at it.
Hi, Lych. I'm so happy to see you. Will you maybe sit down with me for a second? I was trying to get some work done today but I can't stop thinking about this question so I figure something is telling me that it's important.
Let me see your writing books. Give me those blog posts and videos too. Wow, there's a lot here, isn't there? A lot of people seem to consider themselves authorities on writing. Some people who you know are very successful, and others who you've never seen or heard of before. And they all seem to be saying something different, don't they? Or maybe they'll reference each other like they're all strands in some grand dreamcatcher of professional acceptability.
Okay, we've looked at it for long enough. What I have right here is a large bottle of kerosene - you might want to stand back, actually. I'm going to go ahead and start spraying down all these rules and standards until they're nice and rankly damp. It might take a second.
They're wrong, you know. Anyone who gives you a step-by-step guide on any form of art and tells you it's the only way to do it is wrong. Structure isn't bad, per say. If you're a visual artist, it could help to learn traditional anatomy. If you're a filmmaker, you should...I mean, it would help to know how to use a camera. You should know how to use the tools you want to use to some extent, and YouTube tutorials could be pretty useful for that -
You know what? I think the fumes are getting to me. Would you mind helping me out? Here, I have another bottle. Catch.
For some reason there's a very terrible trend of new, unpublished, non-working writers feeling like they need to give advice in absolutes instead of sharing what works for them. There's a strange height of unsubstantiated confidence in people like this that always leaves me kind of befuddled - my example is always a woman I saw online who explained that every story needs a second act twist. That still bothers me.
But it's not really any better with famous and massively successful writers who release books on how to write. Not only does it create the dangerous unspoken narrative that if someone buys the book and follows every step they'll have a carbon-copy career, but I've found that once you write for long enough you forget a lot of the struggles that beginning writers have. I've been writing for fifteen years, and I no longer really remember what it feels like to struggle in a lot of profound ways that many do. I have doubts still. I'll commonly ask myself if what I write is actually any good at all. But it comes up way less often than it used to.
You're doing a really good job. I think that's probably enough fuel.
I think this is more of an issue with those who already have a predisposition for creativity, and by what you've posted on your blog I can see that you're a very skilled and impressive artist already. Your bronze Icarus was especially touching to me, both emotionally and in the sense that I just kind of wish that I could touch it. You express movement in a lot of subtle ways. It's really cool!
Maybe switching to writing feels like starting over. Like you have to get someone's permission before you can just start. Damn, my match broke.
Where was I? Oh, right.
You know how to read, don't you? You've read stories, or had stories read to you? If so, then that's your permission right there. If you make an effort to absorb a variety of stories from different perspectives, as well as engage in the world and people around you, as well as take time for introspection towards your own inner world...well, that's everything you need. From that point on you can go to workshops and get feedback or whatever, but that's not something you really have to worry about yet.
Now that I think about it, you might be better with a matchbook than I am. A sculptor much have steadier hands than someone like me. Ah, there! Fantastic.
You know where to go from here, my friend.
#writeblr#writing community#writers on tumblr#on writing#authors of tumblr#writing resources#writing inspiration#writers supporting writers
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2024 UPDATE (OFFICIAL)
Hey, everyone. Longtime no talk. Despite being weirdly active on this account, I haven't really made any textposts since high school. So I've decided to fix this by giving a gigantic update post about my very busy 2023. If you're new and don't know anything about me, or knew me as a teen and are wondering what I'm up to now: buckle up.
TL;DR:
Dropped out of art school. Released an award-nominated(???) dating sim, ValiDate. Killed the Golden Girls Take Manhattan DX. Conquered Jaw Explosion Disease. Hung out with some friends. (Also, a lot of NDA shit that I can’t talk about.)
ART-SCHOOL DROPOUT
From 2021 to 2022, I was attending a prestigious and overly-expensive art school for their (brand new!) game design program. When I first graduated from high school, this college was my dream choice, and coming off the success of my early game dev career, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to polish my skills while I kept working on the side. My first commercial game was still in development, but we were feeling comfortable, and I felt like getting greedy.
Pride before the fall. Full Icarus mode. You know how it goes.
The school itself was…alright. Satellite campus, mid-pandemic, hybrid learning. Close enough to commute comfortably, classes just long enough for masks to not give me a headache, and the handful of remote courses helped keep my medical problems at bay. Problems that the school was a little unequipped to help with, though the disability office did their best. I had to drop a class because my body, at the time, couldn’t handle eight hours of classes without some Crazy Side Effects.
(Keep in mind that every class was, minimum, four hours. And I had to take at least five a semester. Each class also saw me make an entire game from scratch. My body was already at its limit.)
If you knew me in high school, you’re probably waiting for the shoe to drop: I was, famously, the worst at academics. Never did homework, rarely finished projects, slept through first period at least once a week. Surprise, though: I was fucking great at this. My GPA doubled. Turns out that going to school for a discipline you already have a career in, and are kinda obsessed with, kinda does wonders for you. Unfortunately, I picked the worst time to care about school, since my commercial game’s release was the same exact night that my five school games were due.
TL;DR, I didn’t sleep for a week, almost fucked both up, and got burnout so bad that I couldn’t do anything for a calendar year. So I dropped out! Now, about a year of job hunting later (the game’s industry is imploding right now, and the only studios that considered me were… questionable, to say the least), the expensive art school wants me back. So badly. Turns out the whole school is so broke and understaffed right now that they’re basically chomping at the bit for that tuition money. Got a week to decide. Jury’s still out.
VALIDATE POST-MORTEM
So, if you couldn’t tell from the above section, we released a game in 2022! I was supposed to write a post-mortem for it, but… burnout from the above, combined with general “post-release depression,” and I didn’t feel like touching it.
Part of me still doesn’t!
Yet I kinda think the feeling of me not wanting to talk about ValiDate is still worth discussing, so here we go:
For those of you that aren’t aware, I was a head dev on ValiDate, a dating sim that released in 2022. Volume 1 (of 3) did, anyway.
Did a lot of music, did a lot of writing, created some characters people really care about, created some characters people really want to fuck, made a couple Tweets that my boss hated, got accused of being reverse racist a few times. It was truly one of the most exciting and rewarding experiences of my life. And, yes, we’re still working on Vol. 2 behind the scenes.
That’s actually the reason why it’s kinda hard to talk about Vol. 1!
It was my first commercial game, my first publicly released game, and I think there’s always gonna be a… natural embarrassment toward your first “real” project. Combine that with my natural “if you stare at me for too long, I will kill myself” tendencies, and the game’s release was a special type of torture. It’s one thing to watch people play through a game that you poured your blood, sweat, and tears into, knowing full well that they might hate it (or just misunderstand it), but shit gets so much worse when you know that you could have done better.
It’s a very special kind of psychological torture to have creative decisions you feel were mistakes, things you half-assed because of burnout or deadlines, or things you did wrong because you just didn’t know any better! The embarrassment was overwhelming, so I just… dipped for a while. Didn’t watch gameplay or read reviews, didn’t do much of anything.
Took me a while to realize that me being embarrassed about the project isn’t because ValiDate was bad or anything. I was embarrassed because it was an incredible learning opportunity for me. The amount that I picked up on game design, community management, leadership, marketing, pitching, porting, etc. in two years is more than any school could teach you in four. Volume 1 was a game made by amateurs, still wet behind the ears, trying to build something from grassroots.
But Volume 2 is a game-ass game.
And having done all the work we have on Vol. 2 (which, while I can’t talk about it publicly, is a lot!), looking back at our first release feels like… revisiting your awkward middle school photos. Sometimes it’s hard to not feel contempt for who you were when your biggest struggle was becoming, but learning to choke down that shame? It taught me to feel grateful for the you of yesterday, who clawed their way through uncertainty so that you, today, can stand on sturdier ground. Growing up is embarrassing, and it turns out you keep doing it well into your twenties! Sucks.
For the past few days, Dani and I have been watching a Twitch streamer play through Volume 1. We’ve been so deep in planning for the future that we figured, hey, may as well revisit the past. Detached from all that embarrassment of becoming, I gotta admit: we made a fun little dating sim. People like it. Hell, I like it. Sure, I know all of its flaws and shortcuts, and I have my fair share of critiques… but fact of the matter is, if I have a problem with something, I can just fix it.
Admittedly, In the past, that attitude of mine has actually been more of a problem than a solution. “I can fix this myself!” is all fine and good when you’re a solo dev trying to throw something together, but it turns out taking on excess responsibility in a collaborative setting is a way to make shit suck for you and your team. During the Kickstarter demo era, I was literally on every team besides art. Writing, programming, music, I got my fingers in all those pies. It was fun to me, and more importantly, it was sustainable.
Until it wasn’t.
Volume 1 coinciding with my tenure at [art school], using a (finicky and, frankly, shitty) new game engine, being much larger in scope, introducing minigames (which, surprise, I was team lead on)... I pretty much killed myself trying to get it all done. Honestly, I blame half of our day-one bugfixes on me specifically. Every single one of them was an oversight made because I was pulling the classic “I’m unmedicated so crunching is the only way I can feel alive” type shit.
Except for the OST. That one sucked because art school sucks all the joy out of creating.
Happy to say that our workflow for Volume 2 has been much more sustainable for me, even if I’ve officially broken my “no art” rule for it. Yeah, turns out I’m finally making use of that animation major. Sucks.
Self reflection over. Except for one last note:
If you’ve followed ValiDate, played our demo, donated to the Kickstarter, replied to our Tweets, played our second demo, bought our game, or just talked about us to a friend… I am so, so grateful. Beyond what words could possibly describe. It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember become a game developer, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you guys. Vd8 wasn’t what I expected the cornerstone of my career to be, but honestly? I couldn’t have asked for a better one. We have Vriska in our game. How many people can possibly say that?
And to those of you still waiting for Volume 2:
You haven’t seen anything yet.
GAYMING AWARDS
Speaking of ValiDate… Did you hear we were nominated for some Gayming Awards last year? We were!
Three other head Vd8 devs (Dani: Production, Alexis: Art, Cam: Code) flew out to beautiful New York City for the award show last March, which was actually our first time actually meeting up IRL. Really funny how I’ve known Dani since I was fifteen, but here we were, a decade later, finally meeting face to face. She’s so much taller in person. I’m still taller, but barely.
Meeting up with internet friends is one thing (and more on that later!), but meeting up with internet coworkers? It’s interesting. This was the first moment that ValiDate felt “real,” seeing as it was suddenly important enough to give us comp’d flights and a hotel room, but more than that: the people I’ve been working with for years exist? We’re all hanging out together? We’re wandering through Manhattan all day? We’re eating the most disgusting food at Junior’s in Times Square? We’re trying to figure out what this mystery liquid is? How much did this food cost again? (Seriously, my onion rings were 90% dough and 10% onion.)
While I won’t bore you with the minutiae—I think my friends would prefer the privacy anyway—the entire trip to NYC was fun, exhausting, and a dream-come-true.
Except for that goddamn award show. Jesus CHRIST, what a trainwreck.
No, I’m not saying that just because we lost. We did lose, though. (Personally, I was fine with it, but I also had to travel the least distance to get there. So…) I’m saying that because the entire Gayming Awards industrial complex was, uh, kinda busted this year?
So imagine, you’re us: bunch of twenty-somethings on your Sex and the City shit. Big award show tonight, formal attire. We’re talking high heels, long dresses, full suits, the whole nine yards. Now what do you do in Manhattan? Walk. Sure, we weren’t walking in formal attire the entire time, but it was still a good five blocks to the award center where—wait, what do you mean they relocated the ceremony? The hall they rented is closed for mysterious reasons? Where the hell are we doing the award show?
If you answered “the drag bar where the afterparty was supposed to take place,” congrats, here’s $20. Way further away from our hotel, which meant more walking, and also a way smaller venue with a lot less… formality, let’s say. But we’re young gay people, we don’t care about formalities, who gives a shit! As long as it can seat all of us, then—oh there’s no seating. Ohhhh. Oh! Okay.
I’ll admit, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. There were a handful of couches, VIPs only. Realizing quickly that, oh shit, we’re VIPs, we managed to snag some front-seat couches before any of the pesky old people could. (We’re young! We deserve to sit! You’ve had your entire lives to sit, established games industry people! Let the new generation have a turn!) Unfortunately, when I got up to cash in my free-drink voucher, my seat was stolen by some white lady.
So I sat on the floor.
March 2023. You, sitting at home, have decided to tune into the Gayming Awards “live” on Twitch, curious to see what Britain’s premiere gayming magazine had to say about, uh, esports.
This is important to you.
Fortunately, this year you’re watching a decently shot and scripted award show filmed in a (noticeably claustrophobic) little bar, complete with charming presenters (many of whom are local drag queens) and a myriad of corporate sponsors. You can hardly tell that the entire show was uprooted and moved hours prior!
Yet, for some reason, whenever the cameras cut to the audience… There’s some large man, right in front of the crowd, slumped down on the floor as if he’s bleeding out. With every award given, his clapping grows weaker. The more the camera cuts to him, the more life drains from his body, as if his existence itself is anathema to “gayming.”
Imagine, for a moment, that this man is nominated for an award.
Imagine that he, after a lifetime of potassium deficiency, has been teetering on the edge of a Charlie Horse Reckoning for hours.
Imagine that the microsecond that his game’s name is called as a nominee, the Reckoning begins.
Now imagine a world where he wins that award.
A world where he is forced to stand—from his corpse’s rightful place on the ground!—in front of his peers and superiors, pretending as if he’s not afflicted with a life-ending muscle cramp.
So, yeah. I was pretty fine with losing.
Later, we ditched the “afterparty” to drink at Applebees. (Turns out “green tea shots” don’t have any green tea in ‘em?)
EULOGY FOR THE GOLDEN GIRLS TAKE MANHATTAN DX
Big announcement! I was a team lead on The Golden Girls Take Manhattan DX, a certified Tumblr Gold™ fan-project (by the immortal Grawly) about the eponymous Gold Girls in a Persona-esque parody game!
Slightly bigger announcement! The game got cancelled. Sorry.
Feels a little weird talking about this, since the year-ish I spent working on the game passed in the blink of an eye, and I’m not going to lie and say that I was an instrumental piece of the team or whatever. I was lucky enough to lead a very talented team, and to play with some very fun devtools, but the game was definitely more important to me than I was to it. (Grawly, if by some off-chance you’re reading this, please click off now. You can peek back in at the Jaw Explosion Disease subheader. I promise I’m very nice and respectful.)
I was in high school when I was first made aware of TGGTMDX. My friend group was very into Persona (in the pre-P5 days), and one of our favorite video subgenres was “videogame UI on top of sitcom scenes.” It didn’t take us long to stumble onto early-build footage of TGGTMDX on Tumblr, and what spawned was a years-long fascination. I’d even consider it one of my many… game dev awakenings? The idea that the only thing stopping me from making “American Persona”—one of my many white whales—was commitment to the bit. Just one of the many things that fueled my teenaged suicidal overconfidence.
Speaking of suicidal overconfidence, about a decade later, I was invited to work on the game! Coming fresh off ValiDate, I was desperate for a chance to make a real portfolio piece (visual novels, while popular, will never get you a job), and this sort of opportunity only presents itself once in a lifetime. Fulfilling a teenage dream while furthering your career? What could possibly go wrong!
That makes it seem like there was some explosive drama behind the scenes that ruined everything. Sorry to say that most game cancellations aren’t that exciting, and that this game’s death was by a thousand microscopic cuts. Most of which are not my place to talk about: this game wasn’t my baby, and cancelling it wasn’t my choice to make! Many people worked on this for much, much longer than I even knew how to code, and they deserve to have their feelings prioritized. Whenever that post mortem gets published, I’ll be the first to reblog it, trust me.
Instead, I’d prefer to talk a little about this as being my first real “loss” as a game dev. Certainly not my first project to go under, and I’ve had my fair share of shelved prototypes, but something about this cancellation was… different. Working on your dream project is all fun and games until you feel partially responsible for it dying, y’know? It felt Sisyphean at a point, like trying to dig a hole in the sand with a pitchfork. I would work at the game, and work at the game, but nothing I did felt like it made a dent.
Part of me knew I wasn’t giving it my all, between the school-based burnout (above), jaw explosion disease (below), and ValiDate (omnipresent), it’s not like I could’ve afforded to put more of myself into it. Besides, I was literally a team lead, half my job was telling other people what to do. But the spectre of “you’re not doing enough” was hard to shake. Even when all these other responsibilities ebbed and I could afford to give this game my all, the difference felt minimal.
We spend a lot of time pitying Sisyphus for having to push that boulder uphill over and over, but none of us ask ourselves “could we even move that big fucking rock in the first place?” Apparently, I couldn’t.
I wasn’t the only one that felt that way, it turned out. In fact, pretty much all the friends I made on the project felt the same. If there’s any “real” reason why the project got cancelled, it’s that. No big falling out, Disney didn’t give us a cease and desist, no secret rebrand going on in the background. Just a bunch of lads getting sick of pushing a boulder. Hell, Grawly’s been doing it for a decade. Let him rest.
Not too much rest, though: we’re already working on a different game together (Date Knight: check it out if you haven’t!), and some of us ex-Golden Girls devs have some ideas for what else we can cook up.
For money, this time.
JAW EXPLOSION DISEASE
Probably the biggest “development” of 2023 was my sudden horrible nerve pain in July, which started as a sinus infection on the left side of my face, and soon became a horrific jaw pain. Long after my sinus infection healed, the jaw pain remained, which is a pretty bad hand to draw when a considerable portion of your day is spent “talking,” or “eating.” So, for the back half of 2023, I didn’t do much of either.
Instead, I had to take a considerable amount of ibuprofen, visit one doctor, three dentists, two hospitals, and four oral surgeons to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. The dentists discovered an exposed nerve, caused by wisdom tooth removal complications (sick!), the oral surgeons went “okay, we can fix that,” got me all numbed up. But it turns out that my left jaw is immune to local anesthesia! Thinking this was an infection, they kept putting me on antibiotics over and over in the hopes that it’d suddenly work. Took a note from my childhood dentist explaining that, “no, he’s always been like this” to find a surgeon willing to put me all the way under. (And then, the first time they tried, I woke up in the middle anyway! I got a full refund on the copay, at least.)
Ultimately, I found a very nice surgeon in December that treated me same-day, and did it perfectly, but the damage to my liver from all that ibuprofen was… bad. But it turns out that livers just… regenerate naturally? So, give it a few months, I’ll be at 100%. Hopefully.
OOMFCON
Hilariously, six months after we met up for the Gayming Awards, Dani and Alexis found their way back to NYC for a little combination meet-up/vacation we affectionately titled “Oomfcon 2023.” This time, with bonus friends! Our entire friend server, whose name I’ve been advised not to post publicly, had rented an AirBnB for anyone willing to drop everything and go to Brooklyn.
It took about a year of planning (mostly by Alexis) to get us all out there, but Jesus Christ, it actually worked.
Admittedly I’m a bit hesitant to talk at length about “taking a vacation”—even though I’m already… from here?—but it really was the highlight of my year. First for actually happening, when most friend groups I’ve had would have written the idea off as a pipedream, but mostly for being a really good time. A lot of walking, a lot of talking, a lot of drinking, a lot of dining. (This was during Jaw Explosion Disease, so you can imagine how my body took most of that.)
To Dani, Alexis, Miles, Haven, Grim, Xtine, and Ty: thanks for coming up here! The city is a lot more boring without you guys in it. I promise to have less health issues when we do this again!
And to everyone else outside the groupchat that I met and bored with my job hunt stories: Nice meeting you guys! Sorry that fate decided every single one of you is forced to keep in touch with me. (And I didn’t even get the shitty corporate job!)
#save.#this is a lot longer than i wanted it to be; but i had a lot to say.#turns out i actually have a lot of tumblr followers. so. time to actually engage with them.
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