#please argue with me about personalities!

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 15: I Don't Know What You Did To Me!

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV, Soldier Boy POV

Summary:  When you decided to work with Butcher and his merry band of supe hunters to take down Homelander, you neve expected to be saddled with a sullen, grumpy, jerk like Soldier Boy when the job was done. The more you're around him the more you hate him, but you can't help but wonder, is he really as big a jerk as you think? Reader is a supe with plant powers. This takes place in an AU about a month after the end of The Boys Season 3, in which Butcher has let Soldier Boy continue to work with him on his team.  (I'm real bad at summaries, please forgive me!)

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers (IT'S TIME BABY!), Slow Burn, Age Difference (Reader is in her 20s), Soft Ben/ Soldier Boy, Protective Ben/Soldier Boy

Word Count: 22K (Hear Me Out... It's Wonderful)

Warnings: I'm going to label this 18+ because Soldier Boy (he's a warning and everyone knows it), Swearing, Mentions of Sex, Sexual Innuendo, Denial, A little bit of self-deprecating thoughts, Jealousy, Anger, Rage, A WHOLE LOT OF SHOUTING, Stan Edgar Being A Jerk, Sexist comments, Illusions to Sex, Heavy Petting? Making Out (It's ABOUT time), Ben/Soldier Boy might be a little bit OOC.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

A/N: Alright, hear me out... I know this is a long one, but I got so excited and the sun was in my eyes, and I forgot where I parked my car and... well... I got tired of the cliffhangers. 😂 But seriously y'all I am SO excited 😉🥰

The apartment was cold and dark when you walked through the front door, but the plants called out to you, filling the silence of the early morning, rustling and turning towards you as you enter. The curtains on the windows in the living room were closed, but the sunlight that dripped beneath the fabric was sufficient to see that Ben wasn't there.

It had been exactly seven days since you'd walked out of this apartment with Ben beside you, arguing with him about finally letting you go to work, seven days since you'd killed your brother, and seven days since Ben had tried to call you and you hadn't answered.

You wished you had. The guilt stirred in the pit of your stomach from not picking up the phone and to remedy it, you'd tried to call Ben, but he hadn't picked up.

And before you could talk yourself out of it, you'd sent an awkward text with the one word that you could think to say:

"Hi."

I'm such an idiot.

You really didn't know what else to say, not after everything that had happened. Not to mention you didn't want to tell him how much you'd wanted him there with you, how you'd imagined him riding on the bus alongside you while the wooded forests quickly shifted into farmland. You didn't know how Ben would react to that, especially since you weren't sure how that seemed like a friend-thing and you still weren't sure why you wanted him with you when your entire life fell apart.

But Ben hadn't answered the text, and he hadn't tried to call you again, which only made you feel worse for not answering his call a week ago.

You had been expecting him to at least try to call one more time or text you, but he hadn't, and there was a gaping hole inside that continued to open wider and wider with each passing day that you didn't speak to him.

He's probably out on a date or something. Has more important things to do than listen to my soap opera or help me pick up the pieces of my life.

It did still feel like it was in pieces. Everything you knew had changed within the course of a few hours, but you were glad to have your grandmother with you.

You had stayed with her instead of going back to NYC, allowing her to cook for you and soothe you the best she could with cups of tea and the love that she'd always had in abundance for you. It was still a little weird to think of her as a supe, but it was getting easier to swallow, and it felt like you were seeing her for the first time.

Since you'd talked about her time as a supe, she'd been opening up more about the past and you loved hearing all her stories. It also was making you see Ben in a new light. 

Your grandmother knew more about his childhood than Ben had ever mentioned to you. He never seemed to be forthcoming with any information about himself, but the things that she'd told you about his father and the way he treated Ben made your blood boil.

It made you want to raise his father from the dead just to put him back in the grave all over again.

Of course, knowing all of this now made you feel worse for not picking up his call. A part of you thought that it was odd that someone who was so concerned for you at the hospital after everything happened with Elijah had gone radio silent.

And it made a part of you worry about him. Yes, as your grandmother had put it, Ben was more indestructible than you were, but you couldn't deny the fact that you were worried about him.

But as much as the last seven days had been soothing, there were still some odd moments.

For example, you'd woken up earlier one morning and followed your nose into the kitchen where your grandmother was making breakfast only to hear her muttering "what a fucking idiot" under her breath. Weirder still was another time you'd come back from the bathroom only to hear her cursing while she aggressively knit something that looked like a sweater and heard her whisper "I'm going to kill him. Could I have been any clearer?"

You hadn't asked her what she meant, but you'd assumed she meant her next door neighbor Mr. Filbert who was about the same age as your grandmother and was the bane of her existence. Each day she would have a new complaint that made her march over there and yell at him about something.

Personally, you thought he liked it when she yelled at him. Not to mention every Christmas he always brought over a large bottle of Brandy, your grandmother's favorite, and she made a chess pie specifically for him at the annual Christmas party she threw.

Annie and you had been shipping them harder than the post office the week before Christmas for years, but nothing ever came of it. In fact, the two of you had a yearly bet to see if this was the year that Mr. Filbert would finally do something about it or if it would be your grandmother who stopped being so stubborn and blind to what was in front of her face.

You couldn't imagine being that way if you saw how much someone liked you or went out of their way to care for you.

But being at home for a week made you feel better.

Everything that happened was settling over you, the newfound strength of your powers, your connection to nature, and there was the other thing you'd noticed, but were afraid to think about.

The thing you realized after you stepped out of the creaky shower and looked at yourself in the mirror without being covered in dirt. 

At first you thought it was a trick of the light, but turning your face this way and that had confirmed it. The small wrinkles on the top of your forehead had faded, your laugh lines weren't as pronounced, and even the few gray hairs that you'd had since you pushed yourself too hard in high school and your first, and only, year of college, were gone. You were visibly younger and the only thing that you could think of that changed it was how you felt when you absorbed the energy of the plants. You remembered how it felt to absorb their life force, to have the energy flooding through your body taking away your pain, and healing what was broken. It felt like the best kind of high there was, your body melding with the tangled vines and unfurling leaves, feeling connected to everything in that shop while it made you whole again.

Standing there and looking at yourself, but not yourself in the mirror was weird and a little overwhelming.

There was also a part of you that didn't want to become an creepy old lady who sang to glowing flowers in the middle of the woods in the dead of night.

Annie had noticed it the moment that she'd seen you, and the two of you had discussed it over a Alien movie marathon, what it would be like if you could take the life of plants to make yourself younger and if it meant that you could live longer.

You figured that it was as good as true.

But to get back in tune with your powers you had sat outside in the back garden meditating. It seemed to work. Sitting out in the warmth of the day, with the breeze wicking the sweat at the back of your neck, the grass brushing against your worn jeans, and the call of nature all around you, it made you feel at peace for the first time in a long time.

It was nice to have a few moments to yourself, but that also meant that the thought of what came next seemed to hover over you. You knew that you had a long way to go before you fully got in control of your powers again, but you also knew that you couldn't hide in Illinois forever.

It felt like you were running from everything that happened, and you knew the longer you stayed away the harder it would be to go back to NYC, face the aftermath of Darren's death, and see Ben.

Although, he hadn't showed up, Annie had. She came on the second day and spent the next four days with you the same way the two of you spent your weekends growing up: with nostalgic movies, junk food, pizza, and copious amounts of wine, while bundled under plush blankets and pillows on the living room floor.

But the more days that passed when you were in Illinois, the more you were aware that something was missing, and now standing in your apartment you felt the same way.

Why?

Bean comes shooting out of your open bedroom and down the hallway in a frenzy, practically knocking into your ankles in his haste to brush his dark gray coat against your legs. He purrs loudly to get your attention, and you drop to your knees to pet him, staring into his luminous orange eyes.

"Hey Bean, did you miss me?" You smile at your cat, rubbing along the curve of his back the way you know he likes before you work your fingers under his chin.

The creature, now named "Rex" was perched on your shoulder like a bird of prey watching Bean with curiosity. The name was chosen due to how it looked like a T-rex with longer forearms whenever it stood up on it's back legs, but not from ferocity. He was a bit of a cuddler, more so than Bean. You also thought that Ben would appreciate the name given how much grief he'd given you when you told him your cat's name.

Bean glances up and hisses at Rex, who curls into your neck as if he's afraid.

"Oh, so you’re fine ripping someone apart, but you draw the line at meeting your brother?” You smile reaching up to scratch along his neck.

Annie had been terrified of him at first. She’d heard from Butcher exactly what he had done to Darren and was wary that Rex could grow into a maneater at any moment.

But Rex didn't seem to have man eating tendencies, at least now he didn't.

And when it came to Annie you figured that she was angrier that she hadn't gotten a shot at Darren.

She's waited a hell of a long time.

Bean narrows his eyes and raises his paw to swat at Rex, the claws scraping off his smooth leaf-like coat and leaving behind no damage. Rex cowers further into your neck.

"Stop acting like a jealous, only child." You chide the cat. "I love both of you the same way. And you've got to get along."

Bean makes a low noise in the back of his throat but leans into your hand asking for more rubs.

You indulge him for another minute, before looking up down the dark hallway. "Ben?"

The name echoes through the apartment, but Ben doesn't appear in the hallway.

I wonder where he is. Maybe he's at Butcher's.

You had spoken to Butcher once, who'd assured you that he, Frenchie, MM, and Hughie were cleaning everything up and that there wasn't anything for you to worry about.

You trusted Butcher to handle it. The last thing you wanted was to be unable to walk down the street because everyone was running for their lives and screaming while hoping you didn't unleash Rex on Manhattan.

One of the vines on the opposing wall flicks the light switch on, bathing your living room in artificial light. You pause, your hand frozen on Bean's back as you look over the living room and kitchen.

The apartment is spotless. There are no empty bottles of scotch, no half smoked blunts in the ashtray on the coffee table, no empty pizza boxes stacked next to your couch, and no dirty clothes and socks strewn around the room. In fact, there aren't any clothes at all or shoes.

Everything that belongs to Ben that was once scattered over your small living room is gone, leaving the room almost uncomfortably bare.

Is he doing laundry?

You strain your ears to hear the tell-tale sound of the sink or the shower in the bathroom, but don't hear anything.

Maybe he cleaned up because I was gone?

It seems a little out in left field, but you reason to yourself that Ben had tried to clean up while you were gone, just like he did when you got back from the hospital two weeks ago.

But as you walk down the hallway towards your bedroom you notice that the hall closet when Ben keeps his other things is empty. Every article of clothing, every shoe, every sock, and the small box of personal items that Ben had never let you see into was completely gone.

Something inside your chest begins to crack, you're not sure what, but all you know is that it doesn't feel good. There's an odd foreboding feeling that sends alarm bells off in your head.

Did he leave?

The thought is like a punch in the gut and your chest tightens, making it difficult to breathe.

Why would he leave without telling me?

You pull your phone out of your back pocket and scroll through to find Ben's number. This time you don't hesitate to hit the call button.

Each time it rings you can feel yourself sinking deeper and deeper into something that you can't describe. You didn't understand why he left, and why he wasn't here when you got back.

Was it because I didn't pick up the phone when he called? Was it because he finally figured that I wasn't going to sleep with him and he decided to leave?

He doesn't answer, but this time you leave him a voicemail.

"Hey Ben, it's me. I just got back to the apartment and all your stuff is gone, which means either we got robbed or you got kidnapped by your evil brother." You laugh awkwardly. "But I'm back in town so you should call me and let me know if your stuff should be here or whatever-um-" You clear your throat trying to keep your voice from shaking a little. "Just call me back okay?"

When the final beep sounds whatever it was you were feeling was lodged deep into the back of your throat and this time, as you look out over the pristine living room and kitchen you allow yourself to notice just how empty it looks without Ben in it.

"Babe!" Annie calls waving her hand from where she sits at one of the artisanal wrought iron tables at Calamity Coffee Co to catch your attention.

The inside of the shop was identical to the last time the two of you were here. There's still a collection of best-selling author's to be lining the wooden bar along the front windows, still a much too happy barista who grins when you walk through the door, and still a group of people sitting on the plush velvet couch talking about absolutely nothing at all while sipping colorful coffee mugs

It was surreal, as if the past two weeks hadn't happened and you were the same person that you were then.

Annie had left about two days before you came back to the city after she got a phone call from someone at Vought demanding that she come back for some "big emergency."

You still had no idea what the "big emergency" was, but you figured that you were about to find out. Annie hadn't been able to send you more than a handful of errant texts in which you planned this coffee shop meet.

Truthfully you weren't sure that you could share any of her enthusiasm or her excitement over what the "big emergency" was. You were still swimming in whatever the feeling was at Ben's sudden disappearance and his radio silence.

You'd thought that the feeling would have passed and tried to think about all the positives about him not living in your apartment would be, but the list was shorter than you expected, and the negatives were mounting higher with every passing minute since you'd called him and left the awkward voicemail. It was odd, especially after how hard you'd fought for him to not live with you, and how hard you'd tried to convince him that he didn’t want to live with you, but the feeling was still there.

Maybe he didn't move out and maybe he's been kidnapped and taken back to Russia!

That thought was distressing, but you thought that if Ben had been kidnapped your apartment would have looked like a train ran through it. Not to mention there wouldn't have been fresh water or fresh food laid out for Bean, almost as if Ben had been back to feed him.

But if he had voluntarily left, you still didn't understand why he had. You racked your brain trying to come up with something, some reason why Ben wouldn't be there, some little detail that you missed in the week that led up to the big explosion that was Darren's death and the destruction of "Please Don't Die," but you couldn't remember anything.

If anything, Ben and you were getting along better than you had in the days that lead up to it. He had been more attentive, had taken care of you in his own way, had sat with you on the couch and watched his ridiculously cheesy old films and pouted whenever you laughed at the lines he had delivered in all seriousness.

And the only reason you could come up with was that Ben genuinely didn't care about living with you or being around you as much as you thought he did and that he was tired of pretending to be a nicer person.

So basically, you were back to square one and you were trying to shake off the feelings that had started to bloom whenever you spent time with him and Ben acted like someone who you could love, someone that you could see yourself with. The same feelings that you had fought to push down and ignore because you didn't want to feel that way about someone like him.

The rays of the mid-day sun stream through the large windows catching the glints of gold in Annie's hair. The steam from her latte swirls and tangles out from her cup, crawling across the table to where the iced latte she ordered for you sits. The condensation has already started to drip down the plastic outside to the white napkin beneath, smudging the purple script of the coffee shop's name printed on the paper.

"Hey." You smile and embrace your friend.

It was good to see her again, but she looked more tired than usual. Her makeup was smudged beneath her eyes and her hair wasn't tied up in her usual high ponytail, but instead was thrown over her shoulders and finger combed.

"I missed you." She sighs into your shoulder. "Work is killing me. Ashley is going to be my thirteenth reason I swear." Annie rolls her eyes.

The wilted wildflowers in the center of the table perk up in your presence without you focusing on them.

"I missed you too." You reach into the front pocket of your overalls and extract Rex, who is now about the size of a coke can, and who crawls across the table to say hi to Annie.

She gently scratches under his little chin the way she knows he likes. "You're not going to eat me are you?"

"He already ate-"

Annie's eyes widen. "Not Bean!"

"Are you crazy? Do you think that I'd let him eat Bean? No. He had some cat food. Surprisingly he likes it so I guess that's what I'm gonna feed him and-"

"What is that thing?" A barista asks as he passes Annie and your table on the way back to the counter, toting a large tray of dirty mugs.

"Oh it's a-" You clear your throat thinking of something to call Rex. "It's an Aconitum Napellus." You reply saying the only name that could come to mind and hoping that the barista didn't know the scientific name for wolfsbane.

"Wow I've heard about those I think!" The barista replies leaning towards where Rex is stretching out in the sunlight on the tabletop. "Aren't they super rare?"

"Yep." Annie nods her head, the picture of seriousness. "My friend saved him from a guy who was practically part beast." She shoots you a wink, understanding exactly what Aconitum Napellus is.

"Can I pet him?" The barista's hand is already halfway to Rex, but you reach Rex first and pull him to you.

Honestly, you didn’t think that Rex would bite his finger off, but you didn't want to take that chance.

"Um. No. He's kind of finicky about other people." You laugh awkwardly.

"Bummer." The barista shrugs and walks back to the counter.

"You really think that it's a good idea bringing Godzilla out like that?" Annie takes a sip from the steaming cup in front of her.

"I don't think he's vicious unless I tell him to be." You look down at where Rex is curling into your arms. He's grown maybe another inch or two, but not enough to attract unwanted attention.

"And are you going to tell him to be?"

"Now?"

"I need to know, just in case I have to start running for my life."

"I'll keep you posted, just try not to piss me off today." You snort reaching for the latte on top of the table. "So, what was the 'big emergency.'"

"Oh my fuck! You're not going to believe this!" Annie leans across the table. "But it's kinda a big secret so you can't tell anyone, at least until not after tonight."

"Why tonight?"

"Because tonight is the big official announcement/celebration." She braces her elbow on the table and extends her pinky. "Special pinky swear me."

"Special pinky swear? What are we ten?" You roll your eyes at her.

The special pinky swear was the secret handshake that Annie and you had come up with when you were eight after Annie got kissed by Matthew Colson in second grade behind the giant oak tree in the schoolyard. The "special pinky swear" was only used in moments of complete seriousness. The same handshake had seen juicy secrets the two of you had shared over the years with no one else. When Annie lost her virginity to Drummer Boy, when the two of you got high in Esther Masterson's family cornfield, when you stole a bright red thong on a dare from Victoria's Secret, and when Newton and you had sex for the first time in the backseat of his dad's pickup truck senior year at Look Out Point. All of these moments had involved the "special pinky swear," so for her to bring it up, meant that this was big.

You hesitate. You don’t know why, but there's an odd feeling tugging in the back of your mind, almost as if you know what she's going to say before she says it.

"Babe." Annie wiggles her pinky over the table and you take it.

"Okay, what is it?"

She's still leaning on the table towards you, her blonde hair falling forward over her shoulders, and her eyes bright with her secret. "Ben is joining The Seven."

You sit there for a moment, her words not quite comprehending in your mind. And when it does, you feel the same tightness in your chest when you realized that all of Ben's stuff wasn't in your apartment anymore. You forget how to breathe, how to act normal, because you didn’t understand why Ben would do that, not after everything that happened with Payback.

"What?" You choke out.

"Honestly, I'm kind of surprised that he didn't tell you since the two of you are so close." She tilts her head to the side as if examining you for a minute.

"But why? Everything with Payback was so fucked up and that means he'd have to be around Stan again and-" You couldn’t finish the sentence, it felt like you were running out of air, a vice clamping down on your throat, because if Ben was going back to The Seven it meant that you'd probably never see him again.

Before the possibility of him being kidnapped or all his stuff being stolen meant that you'd run into him at least at some point, but this no way. You never saw anyone on The Seven save for Annie and that was because she still ran ops with Butcher and she was your best friend, but Ben and you were… nothing.

And standing in your apartment with all his things gone made that almost chillingly true. You and Ben were nothing more than roommates, and now he’d made that very clear by not telling you that he was moving out and taking another job. Nothing about that was the friendship that you thought the two of you were achieving.

Maybe it's a good thing, because I was beginning to feel things for him that I didn't want to and now he's gone I don't have to worry about it.

The thought didn't make you feel any better. Something inside felt like it was shriveling up and dying, something that you didn't know had grown and bloomed within you the moment Ben moved in.

"I know!" Annie exclaims. "But Hughie told me that while we were gone, Ben stormed into the apartment and confronted Butcher, said that he 'didn't feel appreciated' and that he was 'sick of all the bullshit' and that he was 'fucking done.' Hughie said that Butcher was pissed, but Ben must've gone to talk to Stan because they're officially announcing Ben or rather Soldier Boy's glorious return to Vought as the leader of The Seven."

"Wow the leader that's-" You swallow, voice hollow. "That's good for him."

"More than good. They're throwing him one of those ridiculous over the top parties tonight to celebrate and re-introduce him to the press." Annie takes another sip of her coffee, practically shaking with the excitement over the news. "And holy fucking shit!"

"What?" You breathe. Suddenly the room is spinning and you're not sure that you're getting enough air to your brain. You feel like you've been punched in the gut and at the same time feel like everything inside of you is spilling out.

You couldn't understand any of it, couldn't understand why it felt like Ben had broken up with you or why it felt like your heart was breaking, not over Ben of all people.

Why? I don't love him or like him. He's my friend or… I thought we were becoming friends.

"Stan is literally just falling at his feet. He's been busing in these slutty looking women that all go up to Ben's apartment, and you have no idea what I can sometimes hear through the walls. Those women are so loud."  Annie makes a disgusted face, and you could only imagine what she was hearing.

It was the reason why you hadn't let Ben bring women back to the apartment, because your walls were thin and you didn't want to be subject to hearing his live action porn shoots. You knew the exact kind of person that Ben was when he moved in with you, but the week you'd spent with him before you killed Darren was different. He was kinder, softer, more patient with you, and willing to help you. Not to mention overprotective because he didn't want you to leave the apartment or even lift a finger with your broken arm.

You think about how Ben hadn't been on a date that entire week, that he stayed at the apartment with you and how he didn't act like he saw the woman in the grocery store hitting on him. Your jaw tightens as you fight the urge to cry, not quite comprehending why you were feeling this way.

What did I expect? He's the same way he's always been. And maybe he really was pretending to be different around me so that I'd sleep with him. Ben is Ben he's…

You think about what your grandmother said to you, about Ben acting differently than the one she knew. How Ben cared for you at the apartment and in the hospital was so different than the person she'd been friends with in the 80's. But now you weren't sure.

I don't need him anyway. He was just my roommate and now I have the couch all to myself.

You think, but it doesn’t bring any comfort

Annie's eyes focus back on you. "Are you okay? You look a little pale."

"No actually I'm not feeling that great all of a sudden." It wasn't a lie, you felt like you were going to throw up with all the memories you had with Ben swirling around your head. You didn't understand why this was happening.

In the past Annie and you would have giggled and laughed about something like this, but you didn’t feel like laughing at all.

"Oh no. Was it the latte? I'll come with you-" She starts to get up, but you hold up one hand while using the other to put Rex into your front pocket again.

"No, it's okay. I've just got a headache, and I don't think I'm ready to be around so many people, after Darren, you know?" It was a lame excuse, but you knew that it was the only thing to say that would make Annie leave you alone. "I think I took it too fast or something."

"Oh. Okay." She looks at you sympathetically. "Well text me when you get home? I want to make sure that you're okay."

"I will. I love you Ann."

"Love you too babe."

You rush from the coffee shop, trying to put as much distance between everything Annie said and you, but it's still all there in your head making it spin.

Why did he just leave without saying anything? Why didn't he tell me that he was being offered a place on The Seven?

You think to yourself, gaze on the sidewalk as you go, following the cracks and the blackened lumps of gum that have been smooshed against the concrete.

And why the fuck do I care so much? It's his life, he can do whatever the fuck he wants to!

The flowers in the black circular bins outside the florist shop wither and die as you pass, spilling multicolored petals at your feet that you trample underfoot.

He never said that he wanted to be friends. It was me that said it at that ridiculous fundraiser. Me that told him countless times that I didn't want to sleep with him.

The trees that are planted sporadically along the sidewalk shed their leaves when you walk underneath.

And I don't want to sleep with him. I want a relationship, I want love, I don't want just a one-night stand with someone like Ben. I deserve more I-

The thoughts were the same ones that you told yourself whenever you felt yourself considering falling into bed with Ben. The ones that usually brought the memory of your parents dancing to "Gonna Sing You My Love Song" by candlelight in the kitchen when they looked at each other like there was no one else in the world. You wanted that kind of love so badly that you could feel it in your bones.

But this time when you think those thoughts, it's not your parents that appear, it's Ben and you sitting on the couch in your living room with him reading the newspaper and you reading a book.

Stop it. Ben doesn't want that. He's made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want a relationship. And I guess he doesn't want a friendship because he just up and left without telling me!

"Excuse me!" You hear a voice say followed by your name, but you ignore it, and continue down the sidewalk.

The tears were close to falling and you didn't fully understand what it was that you were feeling or why you were so upset about Ben leaving when it meant that you could get your apartment completely to yourself again.

"Excuse me!" The voice says again and this time someone grabs on to your left shoulder yanking you backward.

You'd only seen Ashley once.

The first time Annie invited you to Vought Tower to look at her ridiculous apartment, Ashley had made you sign an NDA before you did. What exactly she thought you’d see you weren’t sure. It wasn’t like you were as oblivious as everyone else to the way the heroes of The Seven acted when the cameras weren’t flashing.

But Ashley looks the same as she did the last time you saw her, thinning red hair, sharp black suit that's buttoned over her chest giving the illusion that she doesn't have anything on underneath, tacky necklaces, crimson lipstick, and just like last time, she's not looking at you. She's typing something furiously on her phone as if she couldn't be bothered to acknowledge your existence with her eyes.

You hated when people did that.

“Hi." Ashley says with false sweetness, drawing it out too long to be natural. "Can you get in the car please?” She asks, still not looking up from the phone in front of her and gesturing with her head towards a gigantic black SUV that idles on the curb. It's easily bigger than your grandmother's truck and has windows so dark you can't see into the backseat.

Probably something Vought gets custom done to hide what goes on with their fucking heroes.

“Why?” You ask.

Did she hear Annie tell me about Ben? Wow, she works fast, I’ll give her that.

Your gaze shifts to where your building is just a few steps down the sidewalk. You were thinking about ignoring her, and continuing to walk down the street, but a part of you was intrigued.

“I don’t have time for this, get in the car.” This time Ashley looks up from the phone with a forced smile.

It's the forced smile that makes you decide to keep walking. You were tired of people trying to manipulate you with false sweetness to get what they wanted.

“I heard you the first time. No.” You reply before turning to walk down the sidewalk.

She moves so fast that you'd think she was A-train, putting herself directly in your way.

Ashley lowers her voice to a whisper. You didn't know why she was doing that. "Look, if you don't get in the car it's my ass. And I'm not going to be fired because one of Soldier Boy's sluts is acting like a little bitch and refuses to get in the car."

One of Soldier Boy's sults? Soldier Boy’s SLUT?!

"I don't know where you're getting your information, but I am not one of his sluts." You spit.

"Well, the only people I've been picking up for him all damn week have been." Her mouth twitches up into a smirk. "So, the options are you either get in the fucking car or Javier is going to put you in the car." She gestures to the behemoth of a man sitting in the driver's seat of the SUV, who smirks at you.

"Oh, is he?"

"Yes."

All the emotions that you'd been feeling about Ben begin to reach a peak in your chest and something finally snaps. You didn't want to deal with any of this, all you wanted was to go home to your bed, and yet here Ashley was treating you like you were some weak-willed little girl who would do everything you were told. It's the same thing that Darren used to do with you, and like hell you were going to let anyone do that to you again.

"I’d love to see him try." Your eyes shift to bright green and the entire world begins to tremble. You could feel the trees that lined the streets turning to watch, the roots that pushed and tangled through new earth stirred beneath the streets and sidewalks, the flowers in the florist shop two doors down that had wilted and lost petals twist together and burst with new life before spilling out onto the sidewalks, and Rex who was sleeping soundlessly in the front pocket of your favorite overalls drops to the ground at your feet, snarling as he grows to the size of a microwave.

"Holy fuck!" Ashley shrieks and takes a step back from Rex who snaps his jaws at her feet. His pointed stick-like teeth now the length of a pencil, clicking together.

"You should be more careful who you threaten." You say, your voice lowering. The energy of nature around you was thrumming through your veins, electrified by your anger. "It might be the last thing you do."

Just as Rex takes another step towards Ashley, who is quickly running out of sidewalk, the backseat window rolls down, and you see Ben sitting there with an annoyed expression.

"Just get in the fucking car Petals." He says with a sigh.

Has he really been back there the whole time?

"Are you shitting me Ben?  You’ve been in the backseat this whole time? Why didn’t you get out to ask me to get into the car yourself?" You shout, eyes still a bright green.

I guess that's why she was whispering, didn’t want Ben to hear her call me one of his "sluts."

The thought made a surprising wave of anger and frustration crash over you when you remembered what Annie had said about Vought busing in women for Ben. You didn’t understand why you were upset; you knew the kind of person he was, knew that was what he went on dates to do, but for some reason the thought of him having a non-stop orgy at Vought tower after he had taken care of you and acted like a completely different person made you livid. It made you think again that he had just been putting on a big show to trick you into sleeping with him.

"That’s what that bitch is for!" He gestures to Ashley who is practically cowering against the car while Rex snarls between the two of you, now the size of a post office box.

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. "I can’t do this with you. I’m going inside."

“Wait.”

“I don’t want to wait Ben.” You reach down and scoop up Rex who shrinks in your arms back to the size of the coke can before he hisses at Ashley one last time. She looked like she was going to faint, but you didn't feel guilty.

"Are you really going to make me get out of the fucking car? Ben shouts above the sound of traffic.

Honestly, you really didn't feel like talking to him, not when you weren't sure why you were upset with him.

All he did was move on with his life. Why do I care so much about that? He was going to move out eventually and I didn't want him to live with me anyway. He was crashing on my couch; it wasn't a permanent situation and-

The thought of your couch makes an odd feeling rise in your chest for a second as the memory of him and you picking it out at IKEA come floating back. Despite how much Ben annoyed you, you’d had fun with him at IKEA trying out the different couches and getting coffee. It always surprised you how you could enjoy spending time with him, even when he annoyed you without end. But you had enjoyed yourself. Just as you'd enjoyed yourself when the two of you watched tv on the couch and when he walked with you to the shop and picked you up at the end of the day.

“You don’t have to get out of the car. I’m going inside.” You turn and walk away from where the SUV is idling on the curb, weaving through the foot traffic.

I don't want to talk to him. I just want to go into my apartment and forget everything Annie told me and forget that Ben doesn't live with me anymore.

“For fucks sake.” You hear Ben grumble under his breath when you turn away, but you don't stop walking. "Petals!"

You can see the glass double doors and brick steps that lead up into your apartment building up ahead, but even with how fast you're walking Ben catches you easily.

"Wait." Ben moves to block your path just as Ashley had.

He looks different than the last time you saw him standing in the street asking you to let him make sure you were okay and asking you to let him take you home. And if you were acknowledging it, Ben looked better than you remembered.

He's still wearing the same jeans and t-shirt combo, except now you can see that they're made of nicer material, designer, and he's wearing a large golden Rolex on his left hand that you're sure someone at Vought bought for him. Ben's dark hair isn't falling into his face, it's a little shorter, more controlled. You liked it better the other way, but you weren't going to admit that to yourself.

Even his beard is trimmed, and you wonder if Ashley got him a stylist and a hair/makeup team to spruce him up before his big debut.

Oh yeah. The debut he's making after he moved out of our apartment and didn't tell me, and after he's been fucking whatever comes across his path all week.

The thought makes your jaw clench together.

That's the way Ben is! He's been going through women since he got back from Russia. That's not new!

You thought it to make yourself feel better, but you can still feel the tightening in your chest that you'd been feeling since Annie told you the "big news" and you realized that Ben moved out.

Then why does it kind of hurt?

"What?" You sigh.

"I want to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Can you get in the fucking car first?"

"No. I don't want to get in the fucking car, nor do I know why I need to get in the car!"

"Because I want to talk to you!"

"And we can't do that here?"

"No!"

You cross your arms over your chest and refuse to budge. You knew that it would only annoy Ben that you were being stubborn, his stubbornness also drove you to the point of insanity as did his taunts, so the two of you were at a stalemate and you refused to give in.

"Fine." He seethes. "I'm joining The Seven."

“I heard. Congratulations. You’re getting everything you want." You clip.

“Just about.” He mumbles under his breath so low that you don’t think you heard him right.

"I don't see why that involves me."

"If you'd shut up and fucking listen to me for a minute I'll tell you!" He snaps.

"Don't tell me to shut up Ben! Who fucking disappears without so much as a note? Who up and leaves without telling their frie-," You clear your throat to change the word. "Their roommate that they're moving out!?"

"You didn’t want me to live with you!”

"Maybe at the beginning but-" Your cheeks redden for a second and something flashes through his eyes that you've never seen. "I mean, it's not that bad. And after everything I thought that you'd still be here when I got back."

"Well if I recall, you left without telling me where the fuck you were going and didn't pick up my damn phone call!"

"I called you back! And I texted you! It's not like I was completely radio silent!" You stamp your foot in frustration. "And why are you going back to Vought? They got your team to stab you in the back and took your genetic material to make a psychotic freak!"

"Because Stan Edgar called me and he said he wanted me to be the new leader of The Seven!"

"Oh please, you believe that guy? He only looks out for himself. If you trust him again, he's gonna give you another one-way ticket back to Russia."

"He's not going to fucking-"

"Yes he is! And if you thought things through instead of jumping in feet first, maybe you wouldn’t land into a pile of shit! Now if you'll excuse me. I have to do some laundry, but whoopdie fucking do! It seems like all your dreams are coming true." You try to step around him, but Ben shifts his body to block you.

"Just fucking listen to me." He snaps, green eyes flashing in the sunlight.

"What? What do you have to tell me that's so important you had that red-headed bitch try to shove me in an SUV for?"

"They're throwing me a damn party tonight and I want you to come with me." Ben shouts back at you, eyes blazing in anger.

Your mouth drops open. It was the last thing that you were expecting him to say. If anything, you thought that he was going to try to get you to come with him to Vought to make a pass at you, not invite you to probably one of the most exclusive events of the entire year.

"What?"

Ben still looks angry but uncrosses his arms from his chest. "I want you to come with me to the party."

You clear your throat to dissipate the shock, your anger coming back. "Why me? Why not any of those other women that Stan's been bringing to the tower for you?" You snap. “They certainly seem to be more your type. Probably look a lot more impressive than I do on your arm."

You hadn't seen them, but you could only imagine what they all looked like. Ben's matches on tinder he often bragged about and had shown you photos as if he needed to prove how attractive they were to someone else. Of course, then you'd told him to just stuff it in a tube sock like everyone else rather than risk the venereal disease.

"What did I tell you about saying shit like that about yourself in front of me?" He looks angry again.

You think back to the day the two of you shopped for a couch at IKEA and Ben had yelled at you for making a self-deprecating joke about being "useless."

An odd look crosses Ben's face for a split second when he realizes what he said, before he smirks to hide it. "Are you jealous Petals?"

"No."

"Because you're acting like you are." He smirks wider. "Kinda sounds like you've been having Annie spy on me for you."

"I didn’t have her spy on you! She can hear everything that you're doing, and she told me because we got coffee today and she wanted to tell me your oh so wonderful news. That you’re the leader of the Seven and that means you have an endless parade of women willing to fuck you.”

"All women are willing to fuck me Petals."

"Not me."

Something flashes through his eyes that you can't place.

You chew on the inside of your cheek for a minute, before you sigh. "Ben, I don't think that I should-"

"I want you to come with me because none of them are supes and I want you to understand what being a supe is supposed to look like." He interrupts, but it doesn't sound convincing enough.

"I don't think any of that is real or how it's supposed to be!"

"How would you know anything about it? This is the Seven. The most powerful supe team in the world-"

"Just because it's the most popular doesn't mean that it's the most powerful. And I'm not sure I want to be a part of this. My grandmother told me what it was like for her and-"

"But you've never experienced it!"

"Well, no."

"Exactly. So just come with me tonight."

"I don't know Ben. I'm not sure that I'm up for being around that many people after everything, you know? I-" You swallow. All the feelings of frustration, confusion, and anger were slowly dissipating, and it was leaving behind something you didn't want to think about. "I stayed in Illinois because I needed a few days to get away from all of this and I don’t think that I can rush into it all over again the day I get back." You could feel the memories of the day you killed Darren beginning to come surging back, followed by the realization of how out of control your powers could get.

Not to mention that standing here and looking at Ben was making the tightness in your chest worse.

Then Ben does something he never has, he reaches out and takes your hand. “Come on Petals, just one night.”

He was saying Petals in the soft way he had two weeks ago when he had been taking care of you after the hospital, and it made warmth pool in the pit of your stomach.

"But-"

"And I won't leave you alone at the party with any of those boring fucks. Or with that octopus fucker.” He interrupts, trying to convince you.

"One night?"

"Yes."

Your eyes drop to where he's holding your hand gently between the two of you. It was odd for him, especially because he'd never done that before, even when you had nightmares, Ben never held your hand like this. It was always an awkward cradle, but for him to fully entwine his fingertips with yours it between the two of you was shocking. You raise your gaze to his unblinking green eyes. "Do you promise?" You whisper.

"Yes. I promise, one night and if you hate it, I'll take you back to your shitty apartment building." Ben smiles as if it's a joke, but it stings a little bit.

It was the first time that Ben had ever referred to the apartment as just "yours." You'd gotten so accustomed to him calling it "our apartment" and to hear it that way made your chest tighten more. Maybe it was because it was settling in that Ben wasn't coming back, that he wasn't going to move back in or be a part of your life anymore.

"Okay. One night." You nod and let Ben lead you back to the car holding on to your hand.

Why is he doing this if he's been fucking his way through New York's female population this week? Why does he care so much that I be the one to go with him to this ridiculous party? Any one of those women would be ecstatic to go. And why is he holding my hand?

"Talk to her like that again and I’ll make sure that the next job you have is cleaning Stan Edgar’s fucking balls.” He growls to Ashley as he opens the door of the SUV for you.

And as you slide into the plush leather seats in the backseat, you begin to wonder exactly why Ben was so adamant about you "experiencing" what it was like to be a supe.

"So, what do you think?" Ben's voice echoes through the large living room/sitting room, vibrating against the floor to ceiling glass walls that stand at the back of the room and give a spectacular view of New York City that lays below Vought Tower.

From up here the rest of the world looks so small and out of focus, and you wonder if that's why so many supes lose their morals, because they're worshiped and put in places like this to look down on the people below.

Treat them like gods and that's what they'll think they are.

Annie's apartment at the tower was impressive, but Ben's is practically another planet. The entire place is filled with mid-century modern furniture, supple leather couches so soft it feels like you're sliding through butter, beautifully crafted wooden credenzas, and modern art pieces that you'd only ever seen prints of online.

The high lofted ceilings are so tall that you're sure the first three floors of your apartment building could fit inside, and there's an odd echo that follows everything Ben and you say. There is a tv so large it might as well be a billboard that sits on top of a wooden credenza and holds a speaker system that must be more expensive that a yearly car payment.  It looks so intricate that you're afraid to touch it, let alone breathe next to it. The entire room screams wealth and not one piece of it is homey. It feels like a museum, as if someone tried to create something that felt like a home, but it turned into a time capsule of a time everyone else forgot.

You wondered if Ben ever felt that way and that way why he was really joining The Seven. If it wasn't just because Stan Edgar called, but because Ben felt like the world had forgotten who he was and he needed to prove it to everyone.

If that were true, you didn’t like that he thought that way. Yes, Ben annoyed you, but you liked who he was when he was with you. He never seemed like an old fossil that someone decided to shove into a box at the back of the Smithsonian, you liked the way he was, didn't think that he needed to prove himself to anyone.

Ben is standing behind you, leaning against one of the dark wood walls with a smile. You didn't know why he cared so much about your opinion of where he lived, not if you were just coming here for the party and then going back home to your apartment.

Your mind stutters on the word "home," because it hadn't felt like home when you got there, and Ben wasn't there. You didn’t want to admit that to yourself, but you knew it was true.

"It’s big." You say half-heartedly.

The apartment only made you think that Ben wasn't going to be living with you, a concept that you were confused as to why you were still saddened by, especially now that he'd had ample time to say goodbye. Before you’d been angry that he’d left without a note, but now you felt like you should be okay with what was happening.

You weren’t.

"Mhmm. Like it should be. Oh, you should have seen the good old days Petals. All the apartments, the hotel rooms, the houses they rented for us were like this. Not to mention everyone doing whatever the fuck you asked without hesitation, bringing me exactly what I wanted without argument. Fuck it takes me back." Ben sighs at the memory. "That’s how it’s supposed to be when you’re a supe. Not all of this squatting in small apartments and taking 500 jobs because you can't make enough money."

"I kind of like my 500 jobs." You say. "I've learned how to do a lot of things, and most of them are kind of fun-"

"Come on Petals." Ben rolls off the wall to get closer to you. "You're a bad liar and you know it."

"Fine. I don't like all of them, but I really like  working at the senior center and at the plant shop-“

As soon as the words come out of your mouth, you're reminded of exactly why you're not working in the shop anymore and everything that happened with Darren. You hadn't called Jake yet or texted him. Again, you didn’t know what to say.

Honestly, you didn't even know if he was alive and the thought that you'd killed your friend hurt you.

"He's okay." Ben murmurs quietly anticipating what you’re thinking. "Saw someone helping him from the rubble before I got out of there."

"Good. I was worried that I-." You let out a breath and shake your head feeling relief stir in the pit of your stomach. “I didn’t mean to lost control like that and I-“

“You don’t have to apologize for anything. That asshole deserved it.” You can hear the anger begin to drip into Ben’s voice.

“I know.” You look around the room again at the fancy furniture and high ceilings to distract yourself. "This apartment is definitely big enough to manspread in. But it seems kind of empty though for one person."

"What?"

"I just mean- all this space.” You gesture to the vaulted ceilings. “What person needs this much space? At least in my one bedroom it’s a bit cozier.”

“You don’t like it?” For a second you think that he looks disappointed, but you think you imagined it.

“Nope. Not really my style.”  You walk through the large living room exploring the apartment with Ben following behind you.

And you miss the way his shoulders slump just a little and the frown that pulls at the end of his mouth.

The bedroom is bigger than your whole apartment, with a giant four poster bed made of dark wood swaddled in gold and black bedding. The floors are made of black marble and there’s a giant fireplace that is so wide that a city bus could drive through no problem. The view out the floor to ceiling windows is even more breathtaking than the one in the living room.

“What no bearskin rug?” You snort at your joke, but for some reason it doesn’t make you smile.

All you're aware of is how weird this is, that Ben wanted you to come here and show you the way you "should" be living as a supe, and weirder still it was almost as if he wanted you to like his apartment.

Since when does Ben care what I think?

“Do you want a bearskin rug?” Ben asks, not sensing your sarcasm. "Because I can tell that bitch to bring one in here."

“No I was just-“ You sigh, but stop talking when you notice something green on the bedside table.

There’s a small pothos plant sitting there, it’s vines dangling over the sides of the table towards the floor a shock of green in an otherwise black and gold room. Ben didn’t like plants as much as you did. You knew that.

“Why do you have a plant?”

“It’s-“ He pauses as if embarrassed. “For you.”

“But you didn’t know I was coming?” You look over your shoulder. “And I told you that I was only staying one night.”

“I know.” Ben shrugs. “I got it earlier just in case.”

“In case?”

“You decided that you wanted to be a part of The Seven, or I don’t fucking know, just live here at Vought Tower.” He sounds angry, but you don't let it get to you.

“Well if I wanted to be a part of The Seven wouldn’t I get my own apartment? And if I stayed here, where would I sleep Ben? There’s only one bed.”

He bought me a plant? Did he think that I was going to sleep in here with him? Did he think that I was going to sleep with him?

“I mean we’ve shared before and you didn’t seem opposed to it.” He smirks, but when he notices that you don’t smile, he frowns. “I can sleep on the couch. It’s almost as comfy as the one we picked out.”

“Oh.”

“And actually if you want I can have them bring that one here too-“

The thought of the couch the two of you had fitting in with any of these outrageous displays of wealth was laughable, but again it confused you, because Ben was acting like he wanted you to move out of your apartment and into this one with him. Which, given how you heard he spent his week seemed ridiculous.

This is so weird. I have no idea what’s going on.

"So, um-" Ben clears his throat awkwardly. "How are you?"

"What?" You turn around to look away from the bedroom that looks a little bit like it belongs in a supervillain's penthouse apartment.

"Well, I mean-" He clears his throat again. Ben looks like it's difficult for him to say what he's about to, as if it's difficult for him to carry on a normal conversation. "Diana said that you were having a hard time."

"You talked to my grandmother?"

"Once. Before Stan called."

"Oh." You bite your lip. "I mean finding out that my brother killed my parents and tried to kill me wasn't exactly a walk in the park. But-" You shrug. "I'm dealing with it."

Ben nods as if he's unsure what to say. You noticed that when conversations got a little too personal Ben looked out of his element and you supposed that was what was happening right now. Sometimes it made you feel bad for him, as if he didn’t know how to act in a normal situation.

"Do I look different to you?" You blurt to clear out some of the awkward tension.

"What?"

"I mean, do I look younger? I thought that I was imagining things, but Annie pointed it out and I-"

"A little." He swallows.

"Great." You sigh.

"You don't want to look young?" Ben chuckles to himself. "Petals I swear every time you open that perfect mouth of yours you say the most outrageous shit I've ever heard."

"No, I mean I-" You wave your hand as if looking for the right words. "I guess I can make myself younger, but I don't think that I want to."

"Why not?"

"I mean if you live forever or longer than the average person you see everyone you love die. That doesn't exactly seem healthy."

"Not if the people you love don't die either." Ben says it quietly, almost to himself.

You snort. “My grandmother doesn’t live extra years, neither does Annie.” You hesitate to think of something that you never asked Ben. “Did you ever think about that?”

“Think about what?"

“When you and Countess were together. Didn’t you ever think about what would happen when she aged and you were well, you?”

Ben hesitates as if considering something. “Not really.”

“Why not?"

"You're full of questions today, Petals."

"And you're full of cryptic answers." You reply. "Come on Ben, you didn't think about that? I think that if I was with someone who didn't age that I would-"

"Someone like Jake you mean." Ben is frowning again, just as he always does whenever you bring him up.

"Why are you always so focused on him?"

"I'm not. Why are you so focused on Countess?"

"Stop answering my questions with a question!"

"I'm not!"

"You don't really have to worry about Jake. I think I blew my chances with him the minute that I destroyed his plant shop." You frown, reaching to touch the pothos plant that sits on the bedside table to get it to perk up.

Ben stands there for a minute watching you. "He's a fucking idiot if he lets that stand in the way of being with you."

Shock hits you like a bolt of lightning, and you turn to look at Ben, who suddenly looks very uncomfortable, as if he didn't mean to say that.

"Thanks."

He shrugs.

"And I think Countess was a fucking idiot and a Bitch for stabbing you in the back and making you love her."

"Thanks."

You shrug.

The odd silence is back, floating in the air between the two of you, something that you've never noticed before. You're not sure where it came from or what it's supposed to represent, but you wonder if Ben can feel it too.

“I-um- I’m sorry that I didn’t pick up the phone when you called. I didn’t know what to say.” You begin quietly. You wanted him to know that you had thought about picking it up, that you did want to talk to him.

“You don’t have to apologize for that Petals.”

“No I want to. And I’m sorry that I left you in the street like that. I should have stayed. I wanted-“ You stop talking, considering what you’re about to admit. “I wanted to stay with you.”

It seemed stupid to admit that out loud especially after you’d heard from Annie exactly what Ben had been doing all week, but you were so confused. You didn’t understand what you were feeling, didn’t understand why Ben asked you to come here, didn’t understand why he bought you a plant if you were only staying here for the party, and didn’t understand why you were so upset at the thought of going back home to your empty apartment.

Ben was confusing you again. He was being sweet and asking you how you were and he held your hand and he was genuinely asking you what you thought about the apartment and he bought you a plant to make you feel more at home. Not to mention he was acting as if the past week hadn’t happened, and it was still just the two of you back in your apartment.

And you could feel a cold chill of fear squishing your stomach into mush. You didn’t know what the fear was. Maybe it was because you were slowly realizing just how much you wanted Ben to be the man that he embraced when it was only the two of you. Maybe it was because you were realizing how much you liked being around him. Maybe it was because you were still cursing yourself because you didn’t want to fall for the wrong man. Or maybe it was because when Ben did things like this it was difficult for you to think that he was the wrong man.

He doesn’t want a relationship.

The thought doesn’t hold as much weight as it once did.

Ben’s hand gently touches the small of your back, turning you to look at him and making the thoughts evaporate. His green eyes search your face before he responds. “I wanted to come see you, but I thought you’d want to be left alone.”

“Why?”

“You didn’t want me to touch you in the street or check if you were okay and I wasn’t sure that I should-“ He clenches his jaw as if it’s difficult for him to admit this. “I didn’t think you wanted me there.”

“I did.” You whisper before you can stop yourself and his eyes widen in surprise. “Annie came to see me, but I wanted you. I-“

Ben gently traces your cheek with his rough fingertips, something warming in his gaze. The air between you is charging with electricity and you see his eyes dip to look at your mouth, before raising to your eyes once more. You know what he's silently asking you, and you want him to kiss you.

The memory of the two of you pressed against one another on your couch after the night Darren stayed in your apartment surfaces, the ghost of how it felt to be pressed against his body with your hands planted against the warm ridges of his muscles. You inhale a soft breath and it's full of Ben, enticing you forward, begging you to close the distance between the two of you.

Ben's thumb falls to the pillow of your lips, and they part in anticipation. Your body subconsciously moving closer to him so that your hands are resting against the soft fabric of his dark t-shirt. You can feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric soaking into the palms of your hands, a comfort in the chill of the marble covered room.

"I should have been there." He whispers. "But I-" Ben swallows, his voice no more than a murmur over the dull buzz of electricity that runs through the apartment.

The afternoon sun that shines through the glass windows behind you illuminates the flecks of gold in his eyes, making them a piercing green, and giving the illusion that they can see through you. Sometimes you thought that Ben noticed more about you than he was letting on, just as you noticed things about him that you were sure he tried to hide.

"It's okay." You murmur, leaning towards him, and letting your hands slowly move up the expanse of his chest.

“Sorry to interrupt.” A calm voice says from behind where Ben and you are standing.

The man standing in the doorway you'd, never seen in person, only on TV, but Stan Edgar is just as intimidating as he looks on the news. He's wearing a black pinstriped suit, a light blue shirt and a black tie. Not a piece of his outfit is out of shape. He looks calm and collected, not the frazzled out of control chaos that is Ashley when interacting with Ben.

And you hated him.

This was the man that had told Ben's team to stab him in the back and gave him to the Russians, and the man who gave Vogelbaum the okay to take Ben's genetic material and create Homelander. If Ben hadn't accepted the job with Stan, you probably would have ripped him to shreds.

Rex turns back from looking out the window and begins to skulk towards where Stan is, his beady black eyes narrowed up at the man. Stan looks down at the creature, who is about the size of a toaster now, in distaste.

“You don’t fucking knock?” Ben spits, turning around to face him, your hands falling from his chest.

“I did. I also called but you didn’t pick up your phone.” Stan says, undisturbed by Ben’s obvious anger. “Is she the new one that you made Ashley pick up?”

The new one?

His words settle in the pit of your stomach like an anchor making you remember exactly how Ben had spent his first week here at Vought. It made whatever the hell you'd just been feeling dissipate.

“Ashley was right, she certainly seems different than the others you’ve brought here. At least she’s wearing more clothes-“ Stan purses his lips looking you up and down. “Are you sure that you want her with you tonight? It is a big debut and-“

Stan was talking as if you weren’t there, as if what he was saying wasn’t insulting.

“What the fuck do you want?” Ben interrupts in a growl.

“We need to talk about how tonight is going to go. Not to mention Ashley has been waiting outside the door trying to muscle up the courage to knock so she can dress your date.”

“I can dress myself.” You say.

“Not for this.” Stan presses his lips together in a tight line, again looking you up and down as if you're a stain on his perfect suit.

Ben’s anger burns hot in the air, and you’re not sure if it’s because Stan interrupted the two of you or if it’s because he insulted you or if it’s because Stan just reminded you that you’re not special to Ben.

Because I’m not. No one who goes through women like that cares about them. What was I thinking? Ben’s probably using all of this in his grand plan of trying to sleep with me.

“Fine. Give me a minute and I’ll meet you outside.” Ben replies through gritted teeth..

“Don’t keep me waiting.” Stan gives you one more disappointed glance before he walks out the bedroom door.

Ben sighs as he turns back to you. “I-“

“It’s okay just go.” You take a step back from him. It was easier to clear your head when you couldn’t smell his shampoo or feel how wonderfully warm he is. “I’ll see you tonight. I guess.”

Ben hesitates as if there’s something he wants to say, but finally he sighs. “I’ll come pick you up. I think they're gonna fucking dress me somewhere else”

“Okay.” You nod once.

And as he walks out another uncomfortable thought begins to squeeze at your insides

What if this is Ben’s big move? Showing a woman a fancy apartment with a sprawling view of the city while inviting them to an exclusive party and acting like a completely different person, just to finally get me to sleep with him?

The flashing of the cameras and loud voices of the reporters shouting question after question made you dizzy. The brilliant lights blinding you as flash after flash barraged your senses from all sides. The lights were uncomfortably warm and the cameras that pointed at you made you feel like you were under a microscope.

It had taken an entire make up team and the four hours before the event to make sure that you were ready, with Ashley barking orders over the mad scramble of hands that touched every part of your body with no sense of shame. They had forced you to take a shower, and scrubbed your body so hard that you were sure there were skin cells missing, before yanking you out from under the warm water to dry you and tug and pull your hair in all different directions, trying to figure out exactly how you should have it done.

Whenever you tried to protest, someone would tell you how "fucking hot" you looked or how "sexy" you were. It didn’t make you feel any better and all you could think about was you hoped Ben was being subjected to such torture in another room of the Tower somewhere.

The team had rubbed you in creams from plastic containers and shiny body scrub so that you glittered under the lights and then slathered your face with more make up than you'd ever worn in your entire life. You felt like a doll being abused by a four-year-old who got her hands on a new make-up kit on Christmas morning.

When you'd finally thought it was over, Ashley had brought over a velvet box that held a diamond and emerald pendant that was bigger than the size of your thumb and made you feel sick to your stomach to think about how many groceries you could buy with the money it cost.  When she tried to put it on you, you'd waved your hand and said that you didn't want it, but then she'd said that "Soldier Boy bought it especially for you and she'd be damned if she got killed over a fucking necklace." The drop emerald and diamond earrings that matched could have easily bought your grandmother's house in Illinois, but Ashley again refused to listen to your protests.

You didn't know why he'd bought you something so extravagant, especially if you were only going to be there for one night. The memory of what Stan called you followed the entire dressing process: “the new one.”

All it did was remind you that Ben didn’t want a relationship, and it was stupid to consider anything else despite how gentle he had been acting moments before Stan showed up.

The dress that Ashley had shoved you into was the same dark green of Ben’s supe suit, but made of a shimmery fabric that caught in the light. It was surprisingly close to the same style of the red one you wore to infiltrate the fundraiser weeks ago.

It hugged your body, clinging to the natural dips and curves, accentuating them and leaving nothing to the imagination.  It was completely backless, held together by thin criss-crossing dark green fabric straps across the back that were so fragile you thought that any moment they would break. The front of the dress was plain and strapless, arching over the top of your breasts and cinched at the waist so tight you’re not sure how you’re breathing.

And it wasn't you, none of it was. The dress, the expensive jewelry, the party- it made you feel like you were five years old again and playing dress up with Annie in your grandmother's attic.

In the past whenever Annie did your makeup for you, at least she made you look like you, but after one look in the mirror, you didn't see you.

You wondered if this was what Ben wanted women to look like, so far from how they naturally looked, almost as if they were a shadow of themselves and plastered to be a perfect version of what an "ideal woman" should be.

But there was one piece of this outfit that seemed like you. There was a gardenia corsage on your right wrist, something that Ben had given you when you met up privately before your big entrance on the red carpet.

It had made you smile, something old fashioned he'd thought of and yet he knew you would like it because he knew that you loved gardenias. You were flattered that he'd remembered. He'd looked a little uncomfortable when he gave it to you, the same way that he always looked a little uncomfortable when things got a bit too personal, but he'd grunted out a "you like it?" and you couldn't help but smile up at him and nod, because you did.

And it seemed to tear you apart inside, because you wished you knew why Ben was doing all of this for you, why it was so imperative for you to see what this kind of life was like.

"Soldier Boy, is it true that you were overseas for 40 years?" A reporter screams from the sidelines into a microphone.

"Soldier Boy, who is she? Is she your new girlfriend? What's your name honey?" Another screams at you, but you don't answer.

"Are you a supe?"

"Show us your powers honey!"

It felt like you were on display and your words were caught in the back of your throat. Ben was next to you smiling and waving his hand, the epitome of cool, but you knew that you didn't look it. Your smile felt tight, and you were sure that the make-up plastered on your face was moments away from melting off your face.

His hair was slicked back in a very un-Ben way, his tailored suit was a dark green, so dark that it almost looked black except in the flashes of the camera, and he was wearing a black tie that shimmered whenever he turned.

You didn't think that Ben looked like Ben either, and something tightened around your throat when you looked at him, because all you could think was that this was the Ben he was becoming again to re-emerge into the public, the Ben you'd seen clips of in music videos, pictures, and old movies that donned the Soldier Boy uniform.

A little piece of your heart broke to see him like that, so different than the Ben who had gone to IKEA with you, the Ben who had checked on you when you had a nightmare, and the Ben who had slept in the hospital to make sure that you were okay.

And now that he was coming back to all of this, you thought that it meant you were losing him, and it hurt more than you'd realized.

The spotlights were blazing hot, your stilettoed black sandals were stuck in the red carpet, and you could feel the prickle of anxiety in the center of your chest crackling to life and spreading through the rest of your body. The urge to run was settling on your limbs, your body tenses, preparing to bolt-

Ben's arm comes around your waist and he pulls you against his chest, still smiling at the reporters, his hand now resting on the small of your back, and your hand goes to the front of his suit to steady yourself. He brushes his lips against your ear.

"It's okay Petals, I'm right here." He whispers, but you catch it.

His touch calms you, grounds you to the moment, and for a second the smile you have is genuine when the cameras continue to flash, your heart rate slowing with the warmth of his hand against your back.

"Thank you! That's enough photos." Ben flashes a winning smile and leads you past the paparazzi and into where the party is. He rolls his eyes with a sigh. "Fucking vultures."

You don't answer, instead you look around at all the other elegantly dressed people at the party, supes and non supes, and waiters who weave through the crowds with trays of food. You hadn't eaten anything all day, the only thing you'd had was a few sips of that latte, but you weren’t hungry

You felt so out of your element, so completely out of place, and the way you were dressed made you feel like a fraud. Annie had told you that she sometimes felt that way, but it passed. You knew that it wouldn’t for you.

She was here with Hughie. You'd seen her for a second and she'd looked at you in surprise. You hadn't been able to tell her that you were coming to this thing, because Ashley had confiscated your phone, stating that you didn't have enough of an "online presence" to post anything of worth.

You were living for the moment that Annie found you and you could collapse into her and hug her. Being here was just solidifying the fact that you weren't what Ben wanted, that Ben wanted this life, women, drugs, fame, and all you had was a crappy one-bedroom apartment in a shitty neighborhood.

And all you were was a hopeless romantic searching for something in someone that would never exist.

"Are you okay?" Ben asks you, and you snap back into reality. He's raising an eyebrow at you, looking almost concerned.

You hate that he was doing that, acting like he cared, when all it did was give you the false hope that he would turn into someone different, someone who wanted to have a relationship.

"Yeah, it was just a lot."

Ben clocks your frown and the scrunch between your eyebrows that he knows is you tell for when you lie. You hope that he doesn't point it out. 

"Ben look, I know that you think that all of this is-" You wave a hand. "But it's not me. I'm not this girl I'm not-" Your voice catches for just a second. "The party, this dress, the jewelry I-"

"You don't like the necklace?" Ben frowns.

"I mean it's pretty, but all I can think about is how much it cost. And how expensive the insurance policy must be for it." Ben's lip quirks up in a smile. "I think you're the first person to ever think that when I got them jewelry."

"Exactly Ben. I don't know why you want me here. Stan said you should have brought a date-date, you know like them." You point at the twins hanging on Deep's arm who laugh and jump with whatever he says, both wearing identical dresses that look like they were rigged with fishnet and seaweed.

"I don't give a fuck what Stan Edgar thinks, and I wanted you to come to this with me. Just give it a chance, we've only been here a few minutes." Ben replies, but for a moment you think you see something that looks a little bit like disappointment in his eyes.

You bite your cheek and search his gaze, hoping to catch another glimpse of it, but you don't. "Okay." You relent, nodding your head.  

Ben stands there for another minute surveying the room, watching the couples begin to dance on the dance floor, and others wobbling their way to the bar. He looks a little lost in thought, so you don't interrupt him.

"Wait here. I'll be right back." He squeezes your forearm before he vanishes into the crowd without another word.

"But-" You begin to say, but he'd already gone. You audibly sigh and begin to sway back and forth to the song, something that you're not sure the name of, but the words are melancholic, a man singing about a woman who thinks falling in love with him is madness.

Someone taps you on the shoulder and you expect it to be Annie, but when you turn you see Jake. He's smiling at you, his shaggy blondish brown hair falling forward into his tortoiseshell glasses, and he's wearing a charcoal-colored suit. There's a bandage on the left side of his face hiding a cut you can't see, but you knew what it was from. You'd never seen him in a suit and maybe the old you would have noted how good he looks, but you can't, not when seeing him is a shocking reminder of everything that happened with your brother.

"Jake? What are you doing here?" You sputter.

"My dad is one of Vought's lawyers." He shrugs. "Invited me to this. I think he thought it would cheer me up after well… you know."

"Fuck, Jake I am so sorry for what happened. I really didn't mean to drag you into all of that or-" Before you can finish your sentence, he pulls you into a tight hug.

"You don't have to apologize." Jake says not stopping the hug. "What happened wasn't your fault. Annie told me what happened."

"But I destroyed your shop. And your face! I-"

He pulls back with a wide smile, the same one that he'd had all the years that you'd worked for him. "It's okay. Honestly it could have been a lot worse, but Ben pulled from the wreckage. Guy saved my life. I owe him big."

"He what?" You ask confused. You remember that Ben said he'd seen someone else helping Jake from the rubble.

Why would he lie about that?

"He saved my life." Jake smiles wider. "Not to mention he called today, said that he's going to bankroll me for a whole new shop. For a guy who acts like he hates me, he's sure putting in a lot of money."

"He's going to pay for a new shop?"

"Yep. Good thing too. Thought I was going to have to be a lawyer again."

"You weren't too good at that." You snort.

"Don't remind me." He groans. "So you're a supe. And Ben is Soldier Boy?"

"Yeah, it's a long story."

"I guess I should have known you were a supe. No one can make plants grown that fast." Jake jokes, his glasses catching the lights. "And Ben's intimidating so, that tracks.”

"Guess so."

It was weird to talk to him again. You'd been avoiding it for the better part of a week, but the two of you were falling into the same patterns you had in the past, and it was nice.

But for the first time since you'd started working for Jake, you don't see the appeal of dating him. It was odd. All the qualities in a man that you were looking for was right in front of you and you felt… nothing. Sure Jake was cute in a puppy sort of way but-

"Ben hey." Jake smiles at where Ben appears over your shoulder, back from whatever mysterious location he had been in moments ago.

"Jake." He grunts his name and you can only imagine Ben's frown.

Jake looks back at you. "It was good to see you. We should meet up to talk about where I should put the shop and what I should name it. Ben had this great idea about adding fresh produce and fruit, and maybe doing a farmer's market on the weekend. I know how much you like that sort of thing." Jake looks up at Ben and extends his hand. "Thanks again Ben, you saved my ass, and I think this new shop is going to be great."

Ben takes it. "Don't mention it. Really." His voice lowers like it's a threat. "Don't fucking mention it to anyone."

"Sure." Jake winks at you before he walks away through the crowd in the direction of the bar.

There's an awkward moment of silence as you turn to look at Ben.

"Didn't take you long to find that pussy did it?" Ben's jaw is clenched tight and you notice that he looks a little angry.

"He found me." You find yourself feeling guilty, and maybe you were because you were technically here with Ben, but it wasn't a date. He was just showing you what all of this was like.

"Sure. Bet you were just waiting for me to fucking leave so you could get your hands on the perfect man." Ben shakes his head and begins to turn away.

"Careful there Gramps, someone might think you're jealous." You tease, scooting around him to stand in his way.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I am not fucking jealous of him and-“

Before Ben can finish his sentence, you pull him in for a hug. You know that he was angry for some unknown reason, but you didn't want to be angry with him, not when he saved Jake's life, and not when Ben told Jake to add fresh produce, fruit, and a farmer's market because he'd remembered that it was your dream.

"Thank you Ben." You whisper into his chest, his body tenses in surprise just the way it was the last time you hugged him.

"You're welcome." He's not hugging you back, he's more resting his hands on your waist, and slowly very slowly you feel his right arm begin to raise enough to hold you for just a few precious seconds more against him. It made your heart beat stutter, because it was the closest thing that Ben had ever done to hug you back.

When you pull away your cheeks are flushed bright red, and the gardenia on your wrist now has a second bloom that Ben notices. He touches the delicate petals with a wide understanding smirk, his eyes catching yours.

"Guess you're having a good time now." Ben breathes.

"I might be." You whisper back. "Why didn't you tell me that you saved him?"

"Who?"

"Jake."

Ben frowns at the mention of Jake's name, his fingertips still tracing the petals where they barely kiss your skin. "It didn't matter."

"You saved his life. It does."

"I didn't want you to think that I did it because I gave a shit about him."

"What?"

Ben's frown deepens. "I'm not a good person Petals, I don't give a shit about him."

"Then why did you save him?"

He doesn't answer.

"Ben." You say softly, touching the front of his suit and he widens his eyes at your boldness. "Talk to me."

"I saved him because I didn't want you to find out that you killed him. I knew that you were going through a lot and I know you think that he's so fucking perfect and he's the man you love or whatever." Ben says it bitterly and it was the first time you think that you'd ever heard him sound that way.

"I don't love him."

"You will." Ben grits his teeth. "Because he's everything you want."

"Is that why you're giving him money for the plant shop? Because you think that I-"

"No, I did that because I know how much you love that fucking place and how much you hate all of this and being here with me and-"

"I don’t hate being here with you Ben." You admit before you can stop yourself. "I mean all of this isn't my favorite, but… you're my friend."

It hurt you a bit to say friend, but you didn’t want Ben to think that you hated him, not after he had saved Jake because he knew that it would have crushed you if you'd killed him, and not when he told Jake to add produce, fruits, and a weekend farmer's market just for you.

Ben stands there for a minute, the cameras flashing in the corner of your eye, and the longer you stand there, you're suddenly aware that "Gonna Sing You My Love Song" By ABBA was playing in the background, an odd choice for a party like this.

You look up at him in confusion, and Ben is smiling sheepishly, before you realize that was why Ben walked away before Jake showed up, to tell them to play it for you. Ben's hand lands against the small of your back and he begins to lead you towards the dance floor.

"What where are we going?"

"We're going to dance."

"Oh no. Ben I don't know how to dance and-"

"Just follow my lead Petals." He pulls you against him, putting your left hand on his right shoulder while his right hand finds the small of your back and his left hand catches your right.

You know that you must look ridiculous as you try to wobble along following Ben's lead.

"It's okay Petals, it's just us." Ben whispers with a smile, pulling you just a little tighter against him as the two of you begin to sway to the music.

And the longer you sway to the music, the more comfortable you feel being there with Ben. The warmth of his hand warming your body, his green eyes only focused on you, and the soft smile on his lips so unlike the Ben you saw smiling for the cameras a few minutes ago.

"Ben?"

"Hmm?"

"Why is it so important to you that I experience all of this?"

"Because everything you know about supes is from Billy Fucking Butcher. It's not always the way he says."

"But that doesn't really answer my question. Why is it important to you?"

Ben doesn't answer for a few seconds, measuring what he says. "Because I want you to like it."

"Why?"

“Because-“

And this time, instead of finishing his sentence, Ben leans forward and kisses you. His lips move with a softness that you never knew that he possessed, the hand he had on the small of your back holding you tighter against him, as your body molds into his.

This kiss is different than the one that the two of you shared outside of your apartment the first night he stayed with you, it’s filled with something unspoken that makes the weight in your chest lighten, that makes you feel as if you're floating above the dance-floor, but then something clamps down tight on your ankle and drags you back down to earth.

The song continues to play, the soft notes and words bringing back the memory of your parents dancing in a darkened kitchen lit only by candlelight, with your father looking at your mother as if she was his whole world. Their love and your grandparent's love had infused your childhood with something magical, a romance that seemed to transcend time and space, you knew how much you wanted it.

And standing here with Ben kissing you only reminded you that he didn't want that, that he didn't want a relationship, that all he wanted was to sweep you off your feet and make you his for only one night when you wanted a lifetime.

You suddenly heard Stan Edgar's words ringing in your ears when he called you the "new one." Just another in a sea of women who threw themselves at Ben for this exact reason, for his suave attitude, extravagant gifts, and lavish parties where he brought them to cling to his arm.

You remember what Annie said about how Ben spent his entire week in the apartment upstairs, how he spent a whole week fucking his way through whatever came his way instead of calling you or texting you back, and how he didn't seem to care that you wanted to reach him.

And it snaps you out of it.

You pull back from Ben's kiss and out of his arms, your head swimming with emotion. The urge to cry comes up in the back of your throat like vomit, but you shove it down.

Ben looks surprised and you figure that he is, because it hadn't worked, you hadn't fallen for it the way the others had.

He says your name for the first time in a long time, but you shake your head and take another step back from him.

"I can't do this Ben." You turn and flee through the crowds, feeling everyone's eyes on you as you stumble on shaky legs towards the elevator.

You can hear Ben saying your name again and then hear Annie, but you ignore them. You can't be here, you can't go back to the prying eyes of the reporters, and you can't look at Ben, not when he was pretending to give you everything you wanted and you could feel your heart breaking.

The doors of the elevator close just as before Ben reaches them, and your eyes lock with his through the thin opening. He looks the way he did the day you left him standing in the street the day you killed Darren. The same look flashes in his eyes, shock, worry, and maybe just a little bit of fear, but you can't look at him anymore.

The numbers on top of the elevator passes in a blur, the tears finally bubbling up and spilling over your cheeks, the make-up that was so meticulously applied smudging, but you don't care.

You want to get out of this dress, get Rex, and go home. Your real home, where Bean is waiting for you, curled up on the couch, where your plants are, where you could crawl into bed under the covers and forget that this entire night ever happened.

But then you remember how cold it felt when you left this morning to get coffee with Annie, when you were aware of how empty it was when Ben wasn't there.

No. Please just let me get through this.

You practically shoot from a cannon when the elevator opens onto Ben's floor.

Rex greets you at the door with a toothy grin, now the size of a Labrador, jumping from where he was curled on the plush leather couch to come say hello.

You scratch him under the chin, your tears still falling and you knew that they wouldn't stop anytime soon. Everything was crashing down on you again, everything you were realizing that you felt about Ben.

You stumble through the large apartment towards the bedroom hoping to find your clothes where Ashley had wadded them into a plastic garbage bag as if she couldn't look at denim overalls without vomiting. 

And as you reach the bedroom door, you hear the door of the apartment open and Ben shout your name.

For a second you think about locking the bedroom door, but you figure that he'll only break it down. Ben’s track record with locked doors wasn't the best and you didn’t want this one to suffer.

You snag the plastic bag from the corner of the room just as he opens the bedroom door.

"Petals, what the fuck is going on? Why did you-" Ben begins to say, shutting the door on Rex who was sitting just outside.

"I can't do this Ben." You interrupt him.

"Do what?"

"Any of this!" You wave your hand around the room for emphasis. "I'm not this girl. And I'm not some bimbo that you can wine and dine and fuck and then throw away."

"What in the actual fuck are you talking about?"

“I can’t do this." You repeat with a sob, tears curling down your cheeks. You couldn't quite look at him, not without feeling like your heart was burning up. "So, whatever fucked up science experiment this is I want out. I can’t be here.”

“I thought we were having a good time? That you were enjoying yourself?” Ben says. "We were dancing and then I-"

“Why? Because you were pretending to be the man that I’ve always wanted, the one that keep telling me you aren’t? By making me fall in love with a version of you that doesn’t exist? So after you get what you want you just leave me?” You spit.

It hurt you to say the words to him, but it was how you felt. You felt like Ben was yanking you around on an emotional chain, trying to manipulate you by doing kind things, by acting like he cared, just so that you'd finally give in to him after saying no to him since the moment the two of you met.

It made you feel stupid to think that there was a part of you that believed he could be the man you fell in love with.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you down there changing tactics to manipulate me!”

“What?” Ben shouts looking utterly confused.

“Manipulate my emotions by playing that song, saving Jake, telling him to open a fucking farmer's market, and holding me like you actually care with the reporters and kissing me the way I want!"

“I wasn’t trying to fucking manipulate you-“

“Don’t try to lie. I know when you’re lying.” You point a finger at him, ripping the gardenia corsage from your wrist and tossing it across the room at him.

It hits him square in the chest and falls to the floor.

“I never fucking lie to you.”

"Oh please." You could feel the anger, frustration, and the feelings you had for Ben that you pushed down coming to a head. "You do. And I refuse to be 'the new one.'"

Ben's eyes widen in realization. "Are you talking about what that piece of shit Stan said when he saw you earlier today?"

"What else?! Annie told me exactly how you spent your glorious and masterful return to Vought. How you had Stan Edgar bus in women for you all week long!" You reach around to remove the necklace and the ears, fearful that you’ll break them in your anger.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING!" You scream so loud you were sure that the words were vibrating against the windows. "It's how I know you're manipulating me! Because if you really did care about me, and care what I like, and want to be the man who I saw downstairs or the man that came to check on me when I was having a nightmare or the man who sat in the hospital for days you wouldn't have been doing that all week. You would have been in Illinois with me!"

"I told you why I wasn't fucking there!" Ben shouts back just as loud.

"Oh sure. Mr. "I didn't think you'd want me there" What a great fucking excuse, just let me swoon!" You snarl back. The tears were falling faster now and showed no signs of stopping.

Ben's teeth grit together and he looks close to exploding, but you see him gain control. "Just shut up for one fucking second and let me explain."

But you're already past all of this. You were so tired emotionally and physically, so out of touch with everything that by now you could feel yourself slipping into insanity.

"No Ben, because you know what?" By now you're so frustrated that you're almost laughing. "Congratulations! Your big plan paid off!"

"What?"

"You've done it! You've won. You finally wore me down Ben. You finally did everything that I wanted, so come on let's do it! Let's fuck! Because who cares about all the fucking romantic pussy shit right?" Your hands scramble against the dress, the delicate material tearing off in your hands easily and leaving you in the lacy black bra and underwear that Ashley had forced you into.  You advance on Ben, throwing away the ruined dress. "This is what you wanted right? Me naked and completely yours? So let's go! No emotions no nothing. Who needs any of that as long as you get laid? You'll get your five to ten minutes, and then you'll throw me away. Just like you throw away all those other women!"

Ben looks at you stunned as if he thinks you've lost your mind and maybe you have. Because you were so sick of this, of all of this, for trying so hard to refuse him, for trying to hold out for someone who you didn’t think you’d ever meet.

"But it's fine. Throw me away! People have manipulated me and thrown me away my whole life, but whatever you want Ben. Because it’s all about you! Oh wait do you want me to call you Soldier Boy? Would that make all of this better for you?"

Ben still hasn't moved and by now you're standing just a few inches away from you, the expression on his face unreadable.

You grip the front of his suit. "Come on. Take off your clothes!"

He says your name in a low tone, but you don’t listen to him.

"Oh what? Were you expecting something different? You want to pretend that you're going to make love to me? You think that’ll help?”

He says your name again.

"Oh you don't want me now? Is that it? Because I'm finally giving you everything you want?" You rip the suit jacket off of him, and reach to grab his shirt, tearing it and sending buttons flying everywhere.

"Petals." Ben growls, his jaw tight.

“No! Come on. You pretended to be everything I want, you deserve a good fuck. Come on!” You tug at what's left of his shirt, losing the fight to the emotions that continue to crash over you, sobs shaking your shoulders. You beat your fists against his chest, and you know that he probably doesn't feel it, but it feels so damn good to hit him to release whatever the hell all of this was.

Ben's hands come up to grip your wrists the best he can to stop you, but by now you can't form words. Uncontrollable sobs are shaking your body, tears blurring your vision, your breath coming in savage gasps that do little to bring oxygen into your lungs. The makeup is smeared over your cheeks and you know that you look like a drowned raccoon by now, but you don’t care.

He whispers your name in a soft tone, in a way that you've never heard him say before, and it only makes you cry harder.

You collapse into his chest, shaking uncontrollably. You couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything except cling to the tatters of his dress shirt and sob into his chest.

Ben picks you up, scooping under your knees as if you weight absolutely nothing and places you on his bed, but instead of staying there with you he walks away and it breaks something inside, because all you can think is that you'd finally done it, you'd finally proven to him that you wouldn’t be one of the women who gave in and he really no longer would pretend to care about you.

You grab for one of the pillows, smearing your make-up onto the fabric and clutching it to your chest like a lifeline. You could hear Rex outside the door scratching because he wanted to check in on you, but you can't get up.

The bed dips and when you look up Ben is sitting there with a wash-cloth in his hand.

"What?" You sniffle.

"Close your eyes." He says.

You do as he says, sitting up so he can see you better. The washcloth drags over your cheeks, wiping away the makeup that was smudged and caked over your red cheeks.

“I never really liked makeup. When I was younger all the women used to look natural didn’t wear all this shit on their faces.” He rumbles. "I kind of like that you don't wear it as much."

The pressure of the cloth is surprisingly gentle against your cheeks far gentler than you would have thought possible. He adjusts his left hand to cup your cheeks, and as another tear falls you feel his thumb brush it away. The methodical stroking of the washcloth against your skin is calming your racing heart and Ben is quiet for another few minutes, focusing on his task.

Finally, he withdraws his washcloth and sets it down on the bedside table, next to the pothos. You feel his weight shift away from you.

“Put this on. Because you in my bed in your fucking underwear is really testing my restraint.”

You open your eyes and see that he's holding his dark t-shirt, the one from earlier that he wore when he came to pick you up. You raise your eyes to look at him, trying to gauge what he's feeling, but he's keeping his cards close to his chest.

You slip the shirt over your head and as soon as you do, Ben tucks it under you.

Ben was being more gentle than usual. Gentler than you'd ever seen him be. It was making you dizzy. Because again, he was acting like a completely different person. The person that you wanted him to be, the person that he could be to make you fall in love with him.

He swallows.

“I didn’t bring you to Vought because I thought I could manipulate you into sleeping with me.” Ben pauses to readjust. “I mean the thought crossed my mind, that maybe you would be more open to sleeping with me. I'm not perfect Petals, I'm just a fucking man."

You're clutching the pillow to your chest still, trying to understand what he was saying. His thigh is brushing against yours from where he sits on the edge of the bed.

“And you’re right I do want you. I’ve always wanted you, since the moment I saw you.”

“I know that-“

“Let me fucking finish.” He snaps

You sigh and rub your cheeks with the back of your hand.  The expression on his face is almost pained, frustration shines behind his eyes as if he hates what he's about to admit.

“I’m such a fucking pussy.” Ben shakes his head, saying it more to himself than to you.

What?

“I wanted to have you. And you kept saying no. Which normally I wouldn’t care, I would just move on, but you fucking did something to me. Whenever I was fucking someone else all I thought about was you. You yelling at me, or going off about some stupid shit that I did, when I know that I did it the right way." He huffs. "And it-shit- It made me guilty."

"Guilty?"

"Yes!" He snaps.

"Why?"

"I don't fucking know! It just did!"

Your eyes widen in shock. It was the last thing that you were expecting Ben to say.

"I've never, never cared about anyone other than me. ME. I'm Soldier Boy. I'm not supposed to have any kind of weakness especially not for someone like you." Ben spits the word 'you' like a curse.

"Like me?" You whisper with a sniffle. By now the tears are about to start falling again. You didn’t know what he thought this was, but it just seemed like he was insulting you. "Ben I don't understand what you're saying."

“Yes like you! You’re-“ He gestures to you as if he can’t really find the words. “You’re fucking annoying , you crochet those ridiculous sweaters, you like plants, you get people presents for their birthdays, you sing in the shower, you care about other people-“

“So I act like a person?” You wipe away the tears with the back of your hand.

“No! You-“ He roars in frustration and rises from the bed, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

You can see the glow in the center of his chest burning hot as if he's about to explode, but he gets it under control.

“When Diana called me and told me that you wanted me there I-“ Ben's jaw tightens. “I wanted to come, but I hate how much I care about you because I fucking shouldn’t!”

“You hate how much you care about me?”

"I knew that I was in too deep, so when Stan called I jumped at the chance to get out of Butcher's shitty little outfit! I came here and I had him bus in all those women so I could fuck it out of my system, fuck you out of my system but I can't!" His eyes flash around the room with anger and frustration. "Because when I moved out I realized it meant I wouldn’t see you. It meant that I wouldn’t hear you bitch about me doing something wrong, I wouldn’t see your cheeks get fucking red right before you tell me off, I wouldn't smell that damn grapefruit shampoo that follows you around.” By now he almost looks angry, shouting more at himself than at you. "I wouldn't see you sitting on that stupid fucking couch in those sweatpants that drive me crazy while you crochet like a fucking old person. And I wouldn't see the way all the plants in your apartment turn towards you when you walk in or how they all fucking bloom when you smile."

Wait a minute, is he saying that he misses me when I'm gone? That he missed seeing me as much as I missed seeing him when he didn't come to Illinois?

"And I fucking saved that pussy's life because I knew it would destroy you if you found out he died. And I wanted to fund his new plant shop with a damn farmer's market because you said that was your dream and yeah maybe I wanted you to like all of this-" Ben waves his arms around the room. "But I want you to be happy Petals! I fucking hate it when you cry and I hate what happened with your brother and everything that happened with that piece of shit Elijah. I wanted you to have a choice to leave it all, because the shit that Butcher puts you through every damn week isn't for you! I've known that since the day we fucking met."

You felt your chest tighten with his confession, because you suddenly realize that Ben was trying to give you a way out, he was trying to pull you away from Butcher's line of work because he knew it wasn't for you.

It was the conversation the two of you had the first night he stayed with you, when he said that you didn't quite "fit." It was true. You didn't love working for Butcher and you only stuck around to be with Annie, but the fact that Ben cared enough to try and give you an out, something that not even Butcher had done, made you feel like crying all over again. By now he was pacing the room, talking more to himself than to you, almost as if he didn't really want to tell you what he was feeling.

And despite never telling Ben, he figured out that you felt more like you at the plant shop.

"I don't know what you fucking did to me. I've never felt any of this shit before! Even with that bitch Countess this was different! It wasn't like this! I can't sleep without hearing you breathing, I can't eat without knowing that you ate- because you always fucking forget to eat some shit, and I can't survive without seeing you. So are you happy? You've turned me into a pussy. Because yeah I'd still like to fuck your brains out, but now I don't want to do that with anyone else I just want to do it with you." He shouts it pointing a finger at you as if he's accusing you of being a witch. 

He is in love with me. Soldier Boy is in love with me. BEN IS IN LOVE WITH ME.

The realization hits you like a ton of bricks to the chest, that even though Ben tried to distance himself from you, he had fallen, he had done the one thing that he swore than he never was going to.

"Ben-" You start to say in a whisper, but he keeps going.

"So no at the party I wasn't trying to manipulate you. I held you close in the photos because I knew you were scared. That’s why I made the cunts stop taking pictures. I kissed you like that because you were looking up at me with that look in your eyes that makes me fucking burn. I had them play that damn song because I wanted you to be happy to be there with me, especially after that fucking pussy Jake came over and touched you. Do you have any idea what it does to me when he touches you? Or when he makes you fucking smile about some shit? Or when he looks at you? Or the way you look at him?" His chest is glowing again. The tatters of his shirt are still hanging off his body from where you ripped it open.

"Ben-"

"And yeah, maybe I'm not some wimp who likes fucking plants. And maybe you're right, maybe I'm not the guy you bring home to meet your parents, but all I fucking want is for you to look at me the way you look at him!" He snarls and your mouth drops open in shock. "Do you have any idea how fucking ridiculous that is? I don't get jealous! I have fucked so many women and never given a shit if they had someone else, but I'm not even fucking you and the thought of you with him makes me want to-"

"Ben!" You shout over his monologue.

"What?" Ben snaps face contorted with rage.

You swallow. "I love you too."

And you know it's the truth, you know that it's exactly what you've been ignoring and what you've been fighting tooth and nail to avoid admitting to yourself because you were afraid that you were going to get hurt. You were afraid to have those kinds of feelings for Ben, because you thought he would only break your heart and push you away.

You can hear your grandmother's words ringing in your ears:

"There's something else that you refuse to admit to yourself because you're scared. You should though, because when you embrace it, what comes after is really beautiful."

You had been so afraid to fall for the wrong man, but looking at Ben now and listening to everything he said to you, everything he admitted didn't make you think that he was the wrong man anymore. It made you realize that he was the right man, but only for you.

Ben is still staring at you, face contorted with his rage and frustration, eyes burning with the jealousy that he's never allowed himself to admit aloud.

But you refuse to take it back. It was true, maybe the truest thing that you have ever admitted in your entire life, and you didn't regret it.

You knew you loved him even when he made a disgusting joke or teased you or drove you to the point of insanity. You knew that it was why Ben was able to push all your buttons just the right way in a way no one ever had. You knew that was why your apartment was so empty and why you kept thinking that something was missing when he wasn’t there.

Because you loved Ben, and nothing else in your life seemed to matter.

His entire body is pulled tense, the glow in his chest dimming until it's completely gone. And for just a moment you think that Ben is going to start yelling at you again and accusing you of bewitching him, but he doesn't.

Ben crosses the room in two powerful strides and practically tackles you back onto the bed. His mouth fits against yours, urgent, demanding, but also filled with things unsaid. The feelings that both of you had for so long colliding, like a supernova, making your body ignite. You melt into him, feeling the comforting weight of his body settle on top of yours like a heated blanket as you sink into the blankets beneath you.

You hate that you denied yourself this indulgence for so long, not when it feels like Ben was made for you. Not when every single twist of his tongue sends you further into overdrive and makes something at the back of your mind scream “MORE!” at the top of its lungs.

Ben���s body fits perfectly over yours, his hands holding on to your cheeks so tight as if he’s afraid you’re going to pull away from him again as if he thinks you’ll run like you did.

A part of you knows that you’ll always feel guilty for that, for running from Ben when he kissed you on the dance floor. But you won’t feel guilty for this.

The world falls silent and you’re left with Ben.

The man who seemed to be wrong for you in every way, the one who told you that he didn’t believe in romance, and the man who you can’t live without.

“Ben-“ You moan into his mouth your arms wrapped under his arms to hold him close to you, afraid that he’s going to cut and run. “Ben wait-“

“What?” He smiles down at you the same way he did the morning you woke up next to him. And it’s the same way you wanted to make him smile for the rest of your life. Not the cocky smirk,but the soft smile that you felt Ben only reserved for you.

But before you can answer, Ben dips his mouth down and kisses you again. It’s not with the same burning intensity as before, but this time it’s with the gentle movement of his lips against yours, the soft nudge of his nose while his scruff rubs against your cheeks in a way that makes you sigh into his mouth.

“What is it Petals?” He whispers pulling back.

You gently shuffle your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, loving the way the strands fall between your fingertips and scrunching it out of the slicked back style it was earlier. He looks more like himself now. “Can we go back to the apartment?”

“You want to leave?” Ben frowns. “You don’t want to stay with me?” The way his voice shifts just a little, breaks your heart and you pull his face back down so you can kiss him again.

How can he think that I don't want to stay with him if I just admitted that I loved him? Is that how it was with Countess? That she promised him those little things and then left him?

“Of course I want to stay with you Ben. I just like the apartment more."

“Then why?”

“Because it’s cold here. There’s no warmth and nothing familiar. It’s like a museum. And I miss Bean.”

“But-“

“I know that you’re used to this and that you like all of this, but I don’t. I’m not this girl. I’m not the parties and the jewelry and the millions of screaming fans and the ridiculous dresses. I like my little crappy apartment and my five hundred jobs and just staying in to watch movies and eat pizza or read a book and I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” His hand cups your cheek.

“Because this is what you like. The fans, the parties, the apartment on the top floor of Vought tower-“

“I don’t care about any of it if you’re not with me.” Ben winces as if it physically hurt him to say that. “Fuck. Forget I said that-“

Your lips meet his, gently pulling him further on top of you. “No.” You whisper, pressing another kiss to the tip of his nose. “Because it’s not weak for you to admit that you like having me around. Would you hate it if I said that I hate not being around you?”

“No.” He mutters, but he doesn’t look any less disgusted with himself and you’re not convinced.

"We're going to have to work on that Gramps." You smile kissing him once more. Ben's hands travel from your face down to your hips griping your body even tighter against where he lies in the cradle of your thighs and bringing your legs up to wrap around his waist. "Ben?"

"Hmm?"

"I also don't want to have sex with you in this bed."

"Why not?" He smirks. "It's pretty comfortable."

"Because I don't know when the last time you cleaned the sheets was and I don’t want to think about all the women that have been in here this week."

Ben frowns. "Probably good that you don’t." But then he smirks again, pushing the cotton t-shirt you’re wearing up over your thighs, brushing his fingertips against the soft skin gets closer to everywhere you want him to be, his eyes glinting mischievously. "But you're finally admitting you want to have sex with me?"

"I guess so."

“Good.” He smirks. “Because I think I’ve been patient long enough. And I can’t wait to show you just what you’ve been missing out on.”

“You are so full of-“

Ben cuts you off again, his tongue slipping between your lips while his fingers search even higher to a place that makes you gasp and moan into his mouth.

“You were saying?” You can feel his smirk against your lips and fuck if it’s not the sexiest thing you’ve ever felt.

“I was saying, let’s get out of here.”

The car drive from Vought Tower to your apartment was ten minutes, and you were very much appreciating the tinted windows and private backseat from the driver. Ben hadn't been able to take his hands off you since the two of you left and you also were enjoying learning how much Ben liked it when you touched him.

You didn't know how you were ever going to stop. Everywhere inside and out of you felt like it was on fire. It had never been this way with any of the men that you'd dated in the past.

Even your first boyfriend, Newton, never made you feel as beautiful and sexy as Ben did, but it felt pointless to compare them. Not when Ben touching you made you feel like you were radioactive and burning from the inside out.

By the time you get to your apartment door, your lips are already swollen and red, and there’s a collection of marks on your neck that Ben was more than happy to place.

“Ben-“ You moan softly trying to fit your key into the lock of your front door.

He was pressed against you, his hands roaming up and down while he sucked another mark into the shadow of your jaw, his beard burning against your delicate skin in a way that made you want to lose yourself in him.

“I’m a little busy at the moment Petals.”

“We’re in public.” You giggle as you try to fit your key in the door again, but Ben pushes you up against it, his large hand reaches low to squeeze your butt and possessively roams his other one over your chest in a way that makes you flush bright red at the thought of anyone seeing the two of you.

Rex was sitting patiently at your feet for the door to open, while looking up and down the hallway for a potential meal.

“So?” Ben rumbles against your throat, and you can feel his smirk against your skin. “I want everyone to know you’re my girl.”

“Everyone or Jake? Because I don’t see him and-“

Ben moves so fast you think you imagine it. Your arms are suddenly wrapped around the back of his neck, and he has your legs tangled around his waist, bracing your back against the door.

“Don’t say his name in front of me.” Ben all but growls, eyes so dark that it sends a shudder down your spine. “Not now.”

“Please don’t be jealous of him.” You whisper, nudging your nose against his, before you kiss him once more. “I stopped noticing him the day you moved in.”

“Oh really?”

You nod.

“Good thing too.” He murmurs with a smirk. “Because I’m about to make you forget him and everything else.”

A shudder goes through your body that Ben notices and the smirk that curves over his lips makes it difficult to breathe.

“Your heart is racing.”  The hand that he has placed under your leg to support you against the door brushes against the soft fabric of the sweatpants he let you borrow moving back to hold on to your ass. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re excited.” He kisses you again, long and drawn out in a way that makes you feel like you’re going to melt into a puddle. “That I excite you.”

He’s going to be the death of me.

“You excite me too.” Ben says kissing the slope of your neck to suck a new mark there, before you can stop him.

“You’re very sure of yourself.” You say out of breath.

“Mhmm.” He moans, but he puts you down to let you open the door.

Your hand finds his as you cross the threshold of the apartment, giving it a gentle squeeze to reassure him.

Bean is lounging on the couch, a lazy smirk on his lips as if he knew exactly what the two of you were about to do, and Rex scuttles over to sit on the other side of the couch, jostling Bean who gives an angry hiss, that Rex ignores.

The air in the apartment is different now that Ben is with you. It’s not cold or dark anymore or empty, it’s warm and light and filled with something that you’re not sure what it is yet, but you can’t wait to find out. And it makes you happy, happier than you’ve ever felt in your entire life.

“So… yours or mine?” Ben murmurs with a smile, his eyes shifting to the couch in your living room before flicking above your head to the darkened hallway where your bedroom is.

“Hmm.” You bite the inside of your cheek as if contemplating something. “Well I was thinking-“ You begin to walk backwards, tugging him in the direction of the bedroom. “What about ours?”

You didn’t think you’d ever seen Ben smile so wide, his eyes softening in the gentle light coming from the lamps in your living room.

“You asking me to move back in?”

“No. I’m asking you to come home.” You whisper because you knew that it was home, that no matter how many times Ben had said it in passing, the word home had changed into something wonderful. 

“I like the sound of that Petals.”

You continue to pull him down the hallway, but before you get to the bedroom, Ben stops.

“Petals?”

“Yeah?” You look up at him suddenly worried.

“I’m not going to lie to you I’m not really that gentle, but I know that’s you want that. That you want someone who’ll make love to you, but I-“ He grimaces when he says the words ‘make love.’ “I don’t know if I can.”

“It’s okay.” You whisper, cupping his bearded cheek. “As long as I have you it doesn’t matter.”

“You do. And I’m going to try.” Ben murmurs. “I want to show you how much you mean to me.”

“I know.” You kiss him again and wonder if he’s ever said that to anyone else. “I trust you Ben.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Let me decide that.”

And it was true. You knew that Ben wasn’t gentle, but he was with you. And you trusted him. And sure, maybe it wouldn’t look the same way that you’d always imagined when you read those romance books, but it was your love story, your romance, and you didn’t care how it looked as long as Ben was there with you.

A/N: Well the two idiots finally figured it out in the most dramatic way possible lol. I will say that writing that confession scene might be my favorite thing that I've ever written, goodness it was so fun and I've had it written for AGES 😂😭. I'm not quite done with them yet, I see maybe another chapter or two, but we are quickly nearing the end of this story. Again thank you so much everyone for all the love and support, I really couldn't do it without all the wonderful feedback and love that everyone has shown me. ❤️🥰

If you'd like to ask me about my WIPs for WIP game my asks are open! And my WIPs are listed on this post!

As Always, thank you so much for reading! Reblogs, likes, and comments are not required, but are always appreciated! I love hearing what y'all think! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series please let me know :)

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Cucking Part 2

Bang Chan x Jeongin x female reader

Word count: 15.7k

A/N: I have worked SO hard on this! I have poured everything into this, in any free time I've had, every day for the last... like... week! It has been a while since I've felt this inspired and invested in a story. With THAT being said the product is 15,814 words of absolute filth and debauchery. She's a SLOOOW burn. I tried to build up the tension sooo much and then I snapped. Who even wrote this I dunno probably the same person that did those horny texts. I hope you all love it but please read warnings carefully!!!

Warnings: 18+ ONLY! MDNI, strong language/cussing, mentions drinking alcohol (no one is drunk), unprotected sex with multiple partners (NO NO NO do NOT do that!), roll play, voyeurism, pet names (princess, angel, baby girl, good girl ), reader calls Chan daddy, Jeongin calls reader noona, spicy pics, masturbating (m both), oral (m both & f), biting/marking, choking (very little), dom/sub dynamics (switch Chan/switch Jeongin/sub reader), light system used, multiple orgasms/overstimulation/subspace mentioned, edging, Innie cucks the FUCK out of Chan, a lot of degradation, name calling (m/Chan & f, pathetic, whore, slut etc.), cum eating (m & f), rough oral/deep throating/face fucking, gagging (fingers, panties and mentions actual gag), spit play, rough sex (like really super fucking rough)/bdsm, hair pulling, clit/pussy slapping, cuffs and spreader bar used, choker and leash, sex toys, ass play/fingers (m & f)/butt plug/anal sex (f, first time), ass eating (m), squirting, cum play (like lots it gets messy), cum eating, coming on face, cream pie, DP 2 & 1 hole (vagina), bomb ass aftercare (Chan and Innie are absolute sweeties!) If I missed any warnings please forgive me it was A LOT!

Part 3

The Wednesday before you and Jeongin’s dinner reservations Chan gave you his credit card and you went to the spa as planned. Per Chan’s orders you got what he called, the princess treatment, which included a full body wax, facial, mani/pedi, and, your personal favorite, a hot stone massage. There was even a lavender infused seaweed bath, they did everything! When you left the spa you felt like a million bucks and headed off to the mall to find a dress for your ‘date’.  

Chan had told you to get yourself something nice to wear to dinner with his card while you were out as well. You had argued with him about it at first, you didn’t like it when he spoiled you so much but he loved to do it, you deserved it. After you guys had gone back and forth about it for a minute it became clear that it was no longer Chan you were arguing with, it was daddy, and daddy put his foot down. Spa and dress, pay with his card, period.  

So, you were at the mall browsing around yet another department store you had wandered into. You still hadn’t seen anything that really jumped out at you. You had a little bit of an idea of what you wanted but you just weren’t seeing anything like that. You turned looking at another display and notice a cute little black dress on one of the mannequins.  

You typically gravitated towards black since you and Chan both liked it but you had planned on wearing something in a softer color for a change. The lingerie Jeongin had picked out was a pretty pink with ruffles and bows, it was so cute, you wanted to pick a cute dress too. Alas you hadn’t seen anything else that piqued your interest and even though it was black, it had lace details and dainty straps, so it WAS cute, even if it wasn’t what you had envisioned.  

As you stood there considering your options which were, settle for the black dress or go looking in yet ANOTHER shop, a lady who worked at the store came up and asked if she could assist you. You thanked her and asked if they had the dress the mannequin was wearing in a pastel color or maybe even a pink but she regrettably informed you that particular dress only came in black.  

You deflated a little when she said that and the lady, trying to be helpful, asked what style you were looking for exactly. After you told her what you were picturing, she pulled up their online catalog and showed you an adorable pink dress that was almost exactly what you’d had in mind, even the shade of pink was perfect, but the price tag alone was about $100 more than the black one. You weren’t sure what to do.  

On the one hand you LOVED the pink dress, it was truly perfect, but you DID like the black one too and the black one would be cheaper especially since it wouldn’t have to be special ordered and shipped in a rush. On the fence about which dress to choose you excused yourself from the lady a moment, grabbed your phone and pulled up the group chat you had with Chan and Jeongin from the other day... 

Saturday morning you and Chan woke up and started your day like any other Saturday. Chan showered and got ready for work while you made him a little breakfast and ate your own, then you showered while he ate his. Chan washed the dishes then kissed you good bye and left for work. Since you had weekends off, you left to run a few errands and when you got back you tidied around the house and got a few necessities for that night situated in the bedroom.  

Really you were mostly just trying to burn off any nervous energy and keep yourself busy until it was time to start getting ready for you and Jeongin’s dinner reservations. The plan was for you to take a car service to Chill and meet Jeongin there at 7. Then after dinner the two of you would drive back to you and Chan’s place in Jeongin’s car and well, the rest would play out as the night progressed. 

Although you had showered that morning, you had done a lot of running around so you wanted to freshen up. You also hoped a nice hot shower would help relax your left-over nerves. It’s not like you were scared about what was going to happen, on the contrary, you were extremely excited but you also never really thought you’d ever be with anyone else other than Chan and, as turned on as you were by the idea of the whole situation, you couldn’t help but feel a bit shy at the thought of another man, Jeongin of all people, seeing a side of you only Chan had ever really been able to bring out. So, you took a long shower hoping to calm your nerves.  

You took the extra time to wash your hair with your milk and honey shampoo and conditioner and made sure to exfoliate with your brown sugar body scrub. When you finally got out of the shower you lathered your skin with your vanilla bean body butter. You dried your hair and decided to wear it curled, then tied it half up with a pretty pink ribbon. When you did your make up you didn’t go too crazy, it would be ruined by the end of the night anyway, so everything was neutral shades and soft pinks. Once you were ready you pulled out the dress Chan had picked up for you on Friday as promised. 

You thought it was even cuter than it was in the picture and it fit you PERFECTLY and made your tits look amazing. You dropped your robe and slid the dress on, then grabbed your fuzzy baby pink cardigan so you wouldn’t get cold, and buckled your cute, pink, platform mary janes. When you stepped back to take a look at the full ensemble you were very pleased with yourself. 

Tonight you were to be sweet innocent little y/n. Daddy’s perfect little princess that was to be corrupted and wrecked in every way possible by the maknae and then Chan. Just then your text alert went off informing you your ride had arrived. Right before you left, as a finishing touch, you dabbed a little of your favorite Kayali vanilla rock candy perfume on your wrists and neck and with that you were ready. You looked and smelled like the most tempting piece of candy, ready to be eaten, ready to play your roll. 

By the time you were dropped off at Chill Jeongin was already there and seated at your table. When you walked in he couldn’t believe his eyes. You were an absolute dream come true in that dress. He had to adjust his dick in his pants before standing so the whole restaurant didn’t see him rocking a hard on already. He gave you a hug and kiss on the cheek and when he leaned in your scent engulfed him. You smelled like the most delectable dessert and it didn’t help the growing situation in his pants at all. 

“You look AMAZING Noona!” Jeongin breathed out in awe as he took your sweater and pulled out your chair for you to sit. You giggled and blushed as you sat down. 

“Thank you Innie. You look very handsome too.” And he really did. It was just a simple black suit, he had decided to forego putting on a tie and the top button of his crisp white shirt was open, very minimalistic, but it was all tailored to him very well. Had his shoulders and chest always been so broad? Had he always had that slutty narrow waist? Had your blinders for Chan always been so effective that you had failed to notice just how beautiful the maknae was in his own right? Well tonight, at least for a time, Jeongin had your undivided attention. 

As nervous as you had been earlier in the evening you and Jeongin managed to have a completely comfortable dinner together. It was honestly no different than any other time the two of you had spent together which put you at ease. You both casually talked about your day, joked, and had a few drinks after you were done with the meal which did wonders to loosen you up even more. You weren’t drunk by any means, not at all. You were just primed with a little liquid courage, which was probably why you felt emboldened enough to slide off one of your mary janes and gently press your foot against Jeongin’s crotch under the table. 

“Noona!?” Jeongin whispered surprised, not so much that you had made the first move, more so that you had done so in public. It seemed you were definitely ready to get this game started. You tilted your head as if you were confused by his reaction. 

“Yes Innie?” You smiled sweetly, batting your eyelashes and feigning innocence as you slowly slid your toes back down his inseam and against his hardening cock. 

“Is something wrong?” You asked in a painfully cute voice, bordering on aegyo. Jeongin took a deep breath and collected himself. He reached under the table and wrapped his strong hand around your ankle firmly, stopping your movements. He looked at you with his sharp foxlike eyes and cocked his eyebrow. 

“No, not at all actually, but this dinner has most definitely come to an end. You should probably put your shoes back on, we’re leaving.” Jeongin’s voice was calm but demanding. He slid his chair out and let go of your ankle, letting your foot fall to the ground abruptly, then walked over to pull your chair out as you slipped your shoe back on. You stood and Jeongin grabbed your sweater wrapping it around you. His hands lingered on your shoulders as he leaned in closer to steal another whiff of your intoxicatingly sweet scent. 

“You smell good enough to eat princess.” He whispered into your ear, his warm breath fanning across your neck, giving you goose bumps. So, you were ready to play? You wanted to tease him? Well, he could tease too and he would show you, he could tease better. Jeongin’s hands trailed down your back until he was gently palming your ass over your dress. 

“Come along then angel, time to go.” He gave your ass a gentle nudge in the direction of the door to get you moving and followed behind you, one hand now ghosting the small of your back as he led you towards the exit. The air outside seemed to be a bit cooler on the walk to Jeongin’s car than when you had first arrived, it made your nipples hard. He quickly opened the passenger door and helped you in before walking around, climbing into the driver’s seat, and starting the car to get it warming up for you. He looked over and saw your erect nipples through your pretty pink dress. 

“Better buckle up beautiful.” Jeongin reached over and grabbed your seatbelt before you even had a chance to register his suggestion to put it on. You watched his strong hand grip the belt as he pulled and clicked it into place for you. Then he looked up at you, his face only inches away from yours. You let out a little gasp and bit your bottom lip as you began to feel, almost dizzy by his proximity, the woody smell of his cologne, the warmth emanating off him, and the way he looked at you as if he was ready to absolutely devour you.  

You held your breath and your eyes fluttered closed, you thought for a moment that Jeongin was going to kiss you right then and there but instead he chuckled and sat back, putting on his own seat belt before putting the car in gear and heading towards you and Chan’s apartment.   

Although dinner had been filled with lots of chatter and laughing the ride to the apartment was eerily quiet. The only sounds were of breathing and the soft music coming from the car radio as you both stole glances of each other from the corner of your eye. There was a sexual tension building between the two of you more and more. With every rotation of the tires taking you to your destination, the air in the vehicle grew thicker with desire. You looked out your window at the passing city trying to distract yourself from the almost overwhelming feeling growing inside you.  

You were pulled from your distraction when Jeongin’s hand suddenly grabbed a hold of your thigh, his placement very deliberate. As high up as he could without pushing up your skirt, his fingers tracing, coming to rest on your inner thigh. His grip was firm but gentle as he gave your supple flesh a soft squeeze. It was very clear now that he was signaling the dynamic of the night had indeed just shifted and it was time to play. 

Once you arrived at you and Chan’s place Jeongin jumped out and quickly helped you out of the car. You led the way into the building but Jeongin hurried ahead to open the door for you. Once in the lobby you made your way to the elevators, one of which was already on the ground floor so you didn’t have to wait thankfully. When you stepped onto the elevator and Jeongin realized it was only the two of you, all he wanted to do was push you up against the cool metal and touch you, taste you, finally, but he knew once he’d gotten his hands on you there would be no stopping himself. So as difficult as it was, he waited. He waited the 14 floors it took to get to the level you and Chan’s apartment was on and, to you especially, it had never seemed to take so long to get there as it did this night. 

Jeongin walked up behind you taking a deep breath in completely addicted to your scent already. You bit your lip and closed your eyes as you tried to ignore how close he was. The ding of the elevator signaling you were finally at your floor snapped you out of your horny daze. The doors opened and neighbors you recognized, a nice couple that always chatted with you and Chan, were waiting to get on. Jeongin placed his hand on the small of your back and you both quickly made your way off the elevator allowing them to enter.  

They seemed a little surprised to see you, especially looking so cozy with a strange man, but they smiled politely and said hello to you both as they passed. You hoped that they didn’t assume you were some shady bitch ‘cheating’ on Chan as you made your way up the hall towards your shared apartment with another man. Would they say something to Chan if they thought so? Would they treat you differently the next time they ran into you with him in the hall?  

As you got to your door you shook those thoughts from your head. You couldn’t and wouldn’t worry about any of that now and it didn’t actually matter what they thought anyway. YOU knew you weren’t cheating on Chan. You knew this is what HE wanted. So, what anyone else thought or assumed was irrelevant.  

You got the door unlocked and walked in, Jeongin still following closely behind you. You hit the switch by the door and dim lights softly lit the apartment. You slipped your shoes off by the door and shrugged off your cardigan tossing it on a chair as you made your way into the living room. You turned facing Jeongin who had also slid his shoes off before taking his own jacket off and laying it over the back of your couch. It seemed like the tension that had been building in the car and elevator had dissipated a bit after running into your neighbors. You decided another drink was in order. 

“I’m going to get a drink, would you like something?” Jeongin smiled and nodded. 

“Yes thank you, a drink would be nice, whatever you’re having.” You made your way to the kitchenette and grabbed a couple of glasses from the cabinet. You tossed a few ice cubes in each glass and then poured three fingers of Chan’s Macallan 1824 for the both of you. You made your way back out to the living room to find Jeongin examining your book shelves. You made your way over and handed him his drink. 

“Thank you.” He smiled and took a sip. 

“Oh wow, this is REALLY good scotch!” You laughed as he took another drink. 

“I hope so Chan spent like $2500 dollars on it.” Jeongin choked a little. 

“$2500 dollars!” You laughed again nodding as you walked towards the couch and sat down. Jeongin took another drink as he followed. He sat his glass down on the table and took a seat right next to you on the couch, draping his arm on the back behind you, leaving very little room between the two of you. You quietly sipped at your drink a little until Jeongin took it and sat it on the table next to his own, then turned back to you. 

“You look absolutely unreal tonight princess. An actual angel.” You weren’t sure if it was the whiskey or the pet names, all you knew was when the words passed his lips your body felt warm all over and suddenly the sexual tension that had built up before, flooded the room again all at once. It was finally time. 

“Thank you.” You replied softly, fully stepping into your roll for the night as you looked down, blushing and shying away from his compliment. Jeongin hooked his finger under your chin and tilted your head up, forcing you to look into his sharp eyes. He licked his lips and then leaned in, softly pressing them against yours. He pulled away a little. 

“You’re welcome.” He whispered against your lips before kissing you again, a little more behind it this time. You could taste the whiskey on him. His hands found their way to your body and his lips started softly trailing down your jaw and neck. You tilted your head back granting him access as you tried holding back the small gasps that occasionally escaped you when his teeth would gently graze across a sensitive spot on your neck. 

“Don’t hold back princess. I want to hear you.” His lips ghosted against your skin as he spoke. 

“Let me hear you baby.” His big hands cupped your breasts over your dress as he sank his teeth into your neck again. You arched into his touch and let out a breathy moan.  

“Innie...” His name left your lips like a little prayer. 

“W-we shouldn’t...” As soon as the words left your lips Jeongin’s stomach dropped. He stopped kissing you and removed his hands from your body. You sat up surprised at first. Then your brain caught up and you realized exactly what you had just said. 

“NO! No. I’m sorry! I mean OUT HERE, we shouldn’t out here. Tonight Innie, unless you hear the word red, everything is alright. Don’t worry, okay?” Jeongin let out a huge sigh of relief and nodded understanding. You got up and grabbed your glass taking a sip as you started walking backwards towards you and Chan’s bedroom, beckoning Jeongin to come with you.  

Jeongin grabbed his drink, shooting back what was left and followed. When you got to your room you turned on your bedside lamp, casting the room in just enough light to see a little more than silhouettes. You sat your whiskey down on the night stand before opening the drawer to grab something. When you turned whatever you had grabbed, Jeongin assumed the lingerie, you were now hiding it behind your back. 

“I’m gonna just go freshen up. Why don’t you make yourself at home.” You made your way to the ensuite bathroom and turned on the bright florescent lights. You gave Jeongin a little wink and blew him a kiss before shutting the door, leaving him standing in the dim bedroom lighting alone.  

When the door clicked closed Jeongin sat his empty glass down by yours. He untucked and unbuttoned his shirt, unbuckled his belt then unbuttoned and unzipped his pants as well but left all of his clothes on still. He sat down on your bed and took his socks off balling them up together and tucking them out of the way before resting back on his elbows, legs draped over the side of the bed, spread wide, prominent bulge apparent, waiting for you to return. 

In the bathroom you slid out of your dress and you were indeed putting on the pink lingerie Jeongin had bought you. You removed the ribbon from your hair and shook your curls loose then you took your perfume from earlier and put a couple dabs on the insides of your thighs. You walked to the full-length mirror and gave yourself a once over to make sure the collar and everything else was in place.  

Once you were satisfied that it was, you went to go back out to the bedroom. Just as you grabbed the doorknob you stopped, closed your eyes, and took a deep breath, willing away any last-minute nerves about how Jeongin would see you now. He wanted this, you reminded yourself, YOU wanted this, and Chan wanted this. There was nothing to be nervous about. 

You opened the bathroom door and stood in the entry way as the bright light flooded the room again. It took a second for Jeongin’s eyes to adjust but when they did the sight in front of him was something he never dreamed of seeing and it was absolutely breathtaking. He sat up a bit watching closely as you clicked off the bathroom light and started walking towards him toying with the leash attached to your collar.  

About half way you stopped and stood there in the dimly lit room, allowing him to drink in every inch of you in that lingerie. Jeongin’s sharp eyes narrowed as he extended his hand, beckoning you with two long fingers to continue towards him. You did so until you stood in front of him, right between his legs, where he could really get a good look at you. That sweet scent that emanated from you engulfed him again, made him dizzy with desire for you. 

“Oh angel. You look so fucking...” Jeongin chuckled and stood from your bed He grabbed the little pink leash from you and gently pulled you even closer to him. 

“You just have no idea what I’m about to fucking do to you.” He kissed you, his tongue dipping into your mouth to finally get an actual taste of you and the taste was like heroin. He needed more immediately. Jeongin dropped the leash and gripped your hips turning you so he could toss you back on the bed.  

When he climbed on top of you and claimed your lips again your hands trailed up his firm chest and over his wide shoulders, pushing his shirt off. He tossed it and started almost frantically kissing and biting down your neck and chest, your fingers threaded through his hair and gently tugged every time he sucked another mark on you for Chan to find later. 

Jeongin left a wake of fiery kisses down your body, he stopped to playfully tug at the garter belt around your waist with his teeth then continued his trail of kisses down further. When he finally got to your frilly pink panties Jeongin buried his face in your clothed pussy and breathed you in deeply. 

“God damn! You smell so fucking delicious baby.” You covered your face with your hands blushing.  

“Innie...” You said his name in a small, shy voice. Jeongin tsked you. 

“No no, none of that now. Uncover your pretty face. I’m about to eat your cute little pussy so fucking good and I want to see every little face you make while I do, understand me princess?” You moved your hands and bit at your lips as you nodded. 

“I’m sorry I can’t hear you?” He said as he teasingly traced his fingers up and down your clothed slit, wetting your panties with the arousal that had been dripping from you since the beginning of the night. 

“Y-yes Innie.” You said sweetly. Jeongin hummed in satisfaction at your answer. 

“Good girl.” When the words left his lips, you closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself as more of your arousal flooded from you. 

“You like that don’t you? Hmm? You’re gonna be a good girl for me right?” Jeongin pushed your cute panties to the side to finally get a look at what smelled so damn delicious, then he took two fingers and gently ran them through your folds teasing your clit and gathering your slick. You gasped and nodded, then remembered to speak. 

“Yes Innie, I wanna be a good girl for you. I will be!” He smiled at you and stuck his fingers in his mouth sucking and licking your flavor from them. 

“Mmmm so fucking sweet. Then be a good girl and lay back now, it’s time for my dessert.” You rested back on your elbows, looking down as Jeongin spread your pussy lips apart and licked you from bottom to top. When he got to your clit he latched on and gently sucked. It felt so good your legs tried to press together around Jeongin’s head but his strong hands gripped each one of your thighs and held your legs apart as he started to literally make out with your pussy. 

That was it then, he was completely gone. Eating you out was solely for his own pleasure at that point and the only goal was making you cum. Over and over and over again, making your legs shake, making you question your sanity, making you scream for him so loud Chan would hear it from the elevators. He threw your legs over his shoulders and fucking ravaged you. 

You couldn’t be surprised at how quickly the maknae pushed you towards your first orgasm the way he hungrily lapped at your cunt. He was messy but with purpose. Licking and slurping at your pussy as your climax washed over you. Jeongin started fucking your hole with his tongue, then latched back onto your clit sucking harshly wanting to make you cum again quickly. You tugged at his hair and moaned his name. 

“Innie fuck! Sensitive!” He shook his head, he was just getting started. He didn’t care how sensitive you were. He gripped your thighs tightly and continued his assault on your clit before finally letting go and fucking you with his tongue again. Your second and third orgasms were back-to-back and that was when your legs started to shake but Jeongin still wasn’t done. He was so pussy drunk he couldn’t stop. He hummed and sucked and licked and fucked your cunt with his tongue until you were coming and screaming his name again and then again and then again.  

You felt like you were floating above your body. You were completely drunk on ecstasy and you and Jeongin had both gotten so lost in the moment you had failed to hear the front door open and close when Chan arrived home from work. You had been far too busy screaming Jeongin’s name that you didn’t hear Chan walk down the hall and stop at the cracked bedroom door. You were so both so utterly gone as Jeongin hungrily ate your cunt you didn’t realize Chan had watched him bring you to your last two orgasms through the cracked door, gripping his rock-hard cock over his sweats. 

At around 8:45pm Chan’s text alert when off as he and the rest of 3racha worked in the studio. He grabbed his phone and saw that Jeongin had texted him saying the two of you were leaving Chill to head back to your place. Chan’s heart rate immediately picked up. He calmly put his phone down and worked a bit longer until he found a good stopping point on the backtrack he’d been working on for the last 2 hours.  

Chan yawned and stretched and told the guys he was calling it a night. Changbin and Jisung were a little surprised to hear Chan turning in so early, it wasn’t often their friend took extra time for himself to rest but they said their goodbyes and Chan eagerly headed out. 

The entire car ride home Chan felt like his whole body was vibrating with excitement. He had to check himself so he didn’t do something stupid like speed and get pulled over in the process. When Chan finally got home, he quickly made his way into the lobby and towards the elevators.  

As he walked up he noticed two of his neighbors waiting for the elevators as well. It was a couple that often stopped and talked to you and Chan in passing so Chan smiled and said hello to them as he usually did. They both froze a moment and looked at each other somewhat nervously but then they both smiled and said hi back.  

After standing there a minute Chan noticed the couple seemed to be having an unspoken conversation between the two of them as they all stood there waiting on the elevator. The girl nudged the guy with her elbow, kind of tilting her head towards Chan raising her eyebrows.  

The guy raised his eyebrows back at her dramatically as he gritted his teeth, slightly shaking his head no. Chan was just about to ask if everything was okay when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Chan held the door open and waited, letting the couple get on first then he got on as well and hit the button for their floor.  

Once the doors to the elevators closed the silent conversation between the neighbor couple seemed to awkwardly continue. There were a few more elbows to the man’s ribs and a couple throat clearings directed towards him from his girlfriend but he just kept looking forward ignoring the daggers she was staring into the side of his head.  

Chan wasn’t sure what was going on exactly or why the girl suddenly looked so pissed off at her boyfriend but he decided it wasn’t his business and he was very happy once the elevator reached their floor and he was able to escape the weird pantomimed fight his neighbors had been having. 

When Chan got to the front door of your shared apartment he stopped and took a moment to try and collected himself. His heart was racing so fucking fast! This had been a big fantasy of his for a while and it was about play out in front of him in real life. Just standing there thinking about it he was getting hard, he was also pretty sure he could hear you a little through the door already too.

He didn’t want to wait another second. He took his keys from his pocket, unlocked the door, went in and stood there in the little foyer a moment. He was so fucking excited the blood rushed from his head to his cock instantly. His blood was pumping so hard and fast all he could hear at first was what sounded like white noise in his ears.  

Chan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. In through his nose, out through his mouth, trying to calm himself down a little. His hands were fucking shaking he was so excited. Once the blood rushing in his ears quit, he could definitely hear you. Panting, moaning, for another man, for Jeongin. Another deep breath. Chan turned and locked the door then kicked off his shoes.  

He walked through the kitchenette and saw his bottle of Mcallan on the counter. He quickly grabbed it and took a HEALTHY swig straight from the bottle. He enjoyed the satisfying burn as it went down then put the top back on, set the bottle down and headed further into the apartment.  

When Chan got to the end of the hall he could see the soft glow of the bedside lamp through the cracked bedroom door and the sounds you made were much MUCH clearer now. He could hear you breathlessly whining Jeongin’s name as you were very obviously having an orgasm. He wondered how many times Jeongin had made you cum already. 

Chan’s cock throbbed in his sweats at the thought. He made his way up the hall towards your shared bedroom and stopped again when he made it to the door. He peered through the crack and instantly had to grab on to his dick and squeeze hard. The sight before him was one he’d only dreamed of up until that point. 

You were on your back in that cute fucking pink lingerie set Jeongin had got you. Your legs were draped over the maknae’s wide shoulders, his head lost between your thighs. You gripped tightly at his hair as he absolutely ravaged your cunt, he looked like he was going fucking feral as he pushed you over the edge into another orgasm.  

You moaned out Jeongin’s name along with a string of expletives even louder than before as he did. Chan’s dick twitched hard in his hand, he was so fucking tempted to pull it out and start jacking off right then but he wanted to savor the moment, part of the fun for him was the edging. So he squeezed harder and kept watching as the maknae ate his girlfriend’s pussy in his bed. 

Chan continued to watch from the crack in the door as Jeongin brought you to yet another orgasm. When Jeongin came up for a breath Chan saw his face covered in your cum and he couldn’t stop the heavy breath that left his body.  

You and Jeongin heard a noise come from just outside the bedroom door and you both realized you were no longer alone in the apartment. Jeongin got up from between your legs, walked over to the door and opened it finding Chan standing there still squeezing his cock over his pants. 

“Oh hyung! I didn’t know you were here.” Jeongin said nonchalantly. Like he hadn’t just been caught wearing his Chan’s girlfriend's thighs for earmuffs as he ate her pussy like a baby’s first smash cake. Before Chan could say anything Jeongin hiked his thumb back towards you on the bed as you watched them, still laid out catching your breath from the marathon of orgasm’s the maknae had already given you. 

“I would ask if you mind me using your sweet little princess like a dirty fucking slut but it doesn’t really matter if you do.” Oh Chan was ROCK HARD now. Jeongin looked down and saw Chan gripping his cock so hard the veins in his hand were popping. He laughed. 

“That’s pretty fucking pathetic. Why don’t you stop touching yourself and come in! You are just in time to watch me fuck your girl’s face! Come on, come in!” Jeongin wiped your cum from his face and opened the door wider inviting Chan into his own room. Chan let go of his cock and walked in, as he did Jeongin extended his fingers covered in your slick. 

“Did you wanna taste?” Again, before Chan could even think of answering Jeongin stuck his fingers into his own mouth sucking your juices from them, humming in delight. 

“Too fucking bad. You don’t deserve to taste her. Maybe if you’re lucky she’ll let you use her when I’m done. If there’s anything left of her that is. Until then go sit over there.” Jeongin pointed to the chair Chan had put by your bed for JUST this reason. Chan walked over and sat down, his eyes never leaving your figure on the bed as he passed by you. Jeongin walked back over to you, grabbed your little pink leash again and pulled you upright. 

“Get on your knees angel, we’re gonna show your daddy how well you choke on my cock.” Jeongin dropped his pants and boxers as you got on your knees in front of him and you got your first look of the maknae’s cock. He was a little longer than Chan but Chan was thicker. You looked over at Chan and gave him a sly smile.  

His eyes looked wild and you could feel a fresh flood of arousal course through your body. Now Chan was here and the fun could REALLY start. Jeongin grabbed a fist full of your hair and yanked your head back harshly.

“Open up and stick out your tongue you pretty little slut.” You did as you were told and Jeongin spit in your mouth before slapping his cock against your tongue. 

“Go on suck it. Show your daddy how bad you wanna swallow my cock princess.” You looked over at Chan again as you took Jeongin’s dick into your mouth and started bobbing up and down, getting it good and coated in your spit.  

You hollowed your cheeks and started sucking him off as you watched Chan from the corner of your eye, then looked up at Jeongin for further guidance. He nodded smiling, pushing your hair away from your face and gathering it into a tight ponytail. 

“Be a good girl now, take it deeper, I know you can do it.” You did as you were told and took him deeper but he was longer than what you were used to so you struggled a little. Your eyes found Chan again. He was gripping his cock over his sweats again, biting at his plump bottom lip. Jeongin tsked you. 

“I thought you were gonna be a good girl for me princess? Didn’t you say you’d be my good girl tonight?” You looked up at Jeongin and hummed, nodding your head yes, cock sliding in your mouth. You started sucking harder, taking him deeper.  

“Then stop playing around and choke on my fucking cock slut.” Jeongin forced you onto his dick and the tip hit the back of your throat making you gag a little. He pulled out, and you let out a little choked sound, a string of your spit connected to your lips and Jeongin’s cock. 

“You gonna be my good girl and deep throat me now?” You nodded. 

“Yes Innie, I’ll be your good girl.” You choked out before you took Jeongin back into your mouth, looking over at Chan again. Your eyes narrowed with a wicked sparkle in them. Then you opened your mouth wide and started taking Jeongin’s cock whole, as deep as you could. You fucked your own throat with his dick, obscenely wet gawking sounds coming from the back of your throat, drool dripping from your chin. 

“FUCK! That’s it! Such a good little fucking slut. Good girl! Channie hyung can’t choke you with his cock like I can, can he princess?” You hummed and shook your head no side eyeing Chan again with tears forming in your eyes as you continued deep throating Jeongin’s cock. 

“I’ll teach you how to choke on a big dick.” Jeongin thread his fingers tightly through your hair and started thrusting harshly into your mouth as he held your head in place. The squishy gawking sounds increased in volume and came from you every time the head of Jeongin’s cock harshly hit the back of your throat.  

Spit now dripped from your chin onto your breasts, wetting your ruffly pink bra. You could feel your cunt getting creamier hearing Chan’s breathing come out more labored the harder Jeongin fucked your face. A particularly deep thrust made you gag hard and choke. Jeongin pulled you off his dick coughing and gasping for air. 

“Such a good girl aren’t you? You like the way I fuck your face don’t you angel?” He grabbed your leash in one hand, a fist full of hair in the other and pulled hard making you look up at him. 

“Y-yes Innie I like it when you f-fuck my face.” Jeongin shook his head. 

“Nuh uh. Don’t tell me princess. Tell him. Tell your daddy. Say you fucking love getting throat trained by my big cock.” He pointed over at Chan sitting in the chair still using every ounce of his will power to hold back. You turned to Chan putting on your best doe eyes. 

“Daddy, I fucking LOVE getting throat trained by Innie’s big cock.” Chan gritted his teeth and squeezed his dick again as his eyes rolled back a little. 

“Such a good girl for me. Listens so well.” Jeongin thrusted his cock back into your mouth deep, gagging you a couple more times before pulling you off again and tugging on your leash, making you stand. 

“Get on the bed slut, on your knees, facing Channie hyung. I want him to see the look on his baby girl’s face while his maknae fucks her stupid.” You got on the bed on your hands and knees facing Chan like Jeongin told you. He walked up behind you unsnapped and removed your garters then slid your panties down your ass. You lifted one leg then the other allowing Jeongin to remove them. When he saw how wet they were he couldn’t help but put them up to his face and take a deep breath. 

“Smells so fucking sweet angel.” Jeongin took another sniff of your panties then tossed them in Chan’s face. 

“There. You can jack off with those while you watch me raw dog your little princess if you want.” Chan couldn’t fucking take it anymore. He stood and dropped his sweats and briefs then sat back on the chair and spit on his throbbing cock.  

Chan wrapped your creamy panties around his shaft and started stroking it. Jeongin laughed, shaking his head, then got on the bed behind you, lining up with your juicy cunt. He teased your hole with his tip making you squirm and whine for him. 

“Man Channie hyung she’s pretty fucking desperate for my cock. Don’t you know how to satisfy her?” You arched your back pushing out your ass and wiggling it trying to entice Jeongin to just fuck you already. He spanked your ass hard instead making you let out a little squeak. 

“Patience princess, you have to wait, I’m making a point. My point is hyung, your girl wouldn’t be aching for my cock to be inside her this badly if you knew what to do with yours. So you sit there and jerk your useless dick while you watch how good I fuck your baby girl and know, KNOW, you could never fuck her like I’m about to.” Jeongin thrusted every inch of his cock into you hard and deep. 

“INNIE!” His eyes narrowed and he smiled at Chan after you screamed his name then he started fucking you hard. All you could do was grip the sheets and take it. Not that you were complaining. Every thrust Jeongin took was hitting your g spot harder and harder. If he kept at it he was gonna make you squirt for sure.  

You had fallen forward so Jeongin grabbed a hold of your hair and pulled you up that way Chan could see your face as he kept pounding into you. The sounds bouncing around the room were FUCKING sinful. Wet skin on skin, your tight cunt sucking Jeongin’s cock in, your moaning, Jeongin’s grunting, Chan’s panting as he fucked your panties. Jeongin leaned over you thrusting deeper as he whispered into your ear. 

“Tell your daddy who’s fucking you good angel huh? Who’s fucking you like the dirty fucking slut you are hmm?” You were breathless but managed to speak. 

“Y-you Innie, y-you fuck me so good, fuck me like a slut. Please please please.” He sat back up, spread your ass cheeks and spit on your hole before sticking his thumb in your ass as he continued to pound your pussy with his big dick. 

“Say I fuck you better than Channie hyung! Tell him how much better my cock feels!” You nodded. 

“You fuck me so much better than daddy does! Your cock is so much better than daddy’s Innie! YES YES FUCK FUCK!!” When Jeongin took his thumb out and pushed in two fingers, pumping them deep into your asshole, your orgasm hit you out of nowhere. You started squirting and you buried your face in the bed screaming as your legs shook. Jeongin’s cock slipped out when you started squirting but he just shoved it back in and fucked your cunt harder as your juices gushed from you.  

When you finally stopped coming Jeongin pulled out and ran his cock up and down your sopping wet, sensitive, pussy making you shudder from overstimulation. Chan was frantically tugging at his cock now as he fondled his balls, sweat had formed on his brow and his face grew redder the more worked up he got. 

“Get on your back princess. Want that pussy facing your daddy. Want him to watch me fuck your hole open until I fill you with my cum.” You got in position as Jeongin told you too, your legs spread wide so Chan could get a good look at your cunt. Jeongin hooked his arms behind your knees and pushed your legs to your chest putting you in a mating press then sank into you all at once.  

You didn’t think he could fuck you any deeper than he already was and you were wrong. In this position Jeongin was not only fucking you deeper than you ever had been but was also able to kiss you, so he did. His tongue teased yours as he took you hard. Chan knew the mating press was one of the easiest ways to make you squirt and waited in anticipation to get sprayed by you.  

“Take it take it take it!” Jeongin growled at you as he slammed into you harder and harder. 

 “Fucking take it, cum for me again you pretty fucking whore!” Another orgasm hit you like a head on collision and you started squirting again. Jeongin fucked your harder making an absolute mess and some of your cum hit Chan’s face. He wiped it up with his fingers and sucked on them as he beat off into your panties harder. 

“Tell your daddy you want my cum.” You moaned struggling to get the words out as Jeongin folded you in half and railed you fucking harder. 

“Go on tell your daddy what a cum hungry slut you are for me. Tell daddy his sweet baby girl wants MY cum in her cunt.” You tilted your head back and looked at Chan upside down. 

“I want his cum daddy, I want Innie’s cum inside me so bad.” Jeongin’s rhythm started to falter as his climax approached.  

“Fuck I’m gonna cum princess, I’m gonna fill you the fuck up!” Jeongin slammed into you one last time hard and started unloading inside your cunt, sending you reeling into another orgasm of your own. He fucked you through both of your climaxes, pumping his cum deep into you. When he was done he pulled out and moved so Chan had a good view of your gaping, dripping, hole.  

“Hold your legs back angel, show your daddy how pretty your pussy looks with MY cum oozing from it. Spread your legs for him so he can see.” You held your legs back as Jeongin pushed two of his fingers into you working more of his cum out before rubbing it all over your pussy and slapping your clit a few times more of your juices dripping from you. Then Jeongin took his fingers coated in cum and stuffed all four of them into your mouth. 

“Clean them.” You sucked all the cum from Jeongin’s fingers and hummed in satisfaction. Jeongin pulled his fingers from your mouth as his cum dripped from your cunt and then you heard Chan start to moan and whine like he does right before he comes. You were able to prop yourself up on your elbows enough to look over at Chan just in time to see him bust his huge load all over the pink panties he was jacking off with. After, you fell back onto the bed. Jeongin collapsed onto the bed next to you, both of you panting trying to catch your breath as Chan did the same in the chair.  

After a moment of everyone recovering in silence you heard Chan start to shift and move from the chair. When you opened your eyes to see what he was doing you found him standing by the bed over you and Jeongin looking down on you. He’d taken his shirt off and tossed it at some point, you really hadn’t noticed just when in the heat of things.  

You definitely noticed now that his chiseled body was standing over you completely naked, his cock already half hard again. It didn’t take a genius to notice the shift in the room as he stood there gripping your ruined panties tightly in his hand. The look on his face stern, brows furrowed. After a minute Jeongin opened his eyes and also realized Chan was standing there. He sat up waiting to see what his hyung would do or say next. A wicked smile spread across Chan’s face. 

“That was really quite cute. I will admit Innie, you fucked her very well. It’s not just anyone that can make her squirt without a vibrator, so don’t think I'm not impressed, but I’m about to teach you what ruining her ACTUALLY looks like. Get ready to learn maknae, because you’re about to help me completely fucking destroy daddy’s little whore.” Chan chuckled as he walked out of the bedroom for a moment and came back with three bottles of water. He handed one Jeongin and then one to you. You sat up and grabbed yours and when Chan didn’t let go you looked at him. His eyes brown eyes were softly looking you over. 

“What’s your color baby girl?” You were reminded again just why you loved this man so completely. He wasn’t going to touch you, he wasn’t going to do one single thing until he was sure you were good to continue. You smiled at him as he let go of the bottle. 

“Green daddy.” You opened the water and drank it all in about 2 minutes and threw your bottle in the bedside trash. Jeongin had also chugged his water as he sat there, red faced, sweating. Chan looked over at him. 

“Innie? Color?” Chan wanted to make sure EVERYONE was good to keep going. Jeongin looked a little surprised that Chan had asked him as well. He swallowed the last of his water and took a deep breath. 

“Oh! Uh... I’m green as fuck.” Chan laughed and shook his head at the maknae. 

“Good, green for me too.” Chan slammed his water, tossing the empty bottle aside and leaned over to quickly give you a soft kiss.  

“I love you.” He whispered looking at you seriously for a moment. You nodded, you had no doubt in your mind about that. Anything that was about to come from his mouth once the game started again was an act. He just wanted to make sure you knew that first and you did. 

“Let’s continue then, shall we?” Chan’s eyes stayed locked on you as he stood back up, the soft brown they were moments before were now almost clouded black with lust. 

“Lay the fuck down.” Just Chan’s tone, you knew not to hesitate and to do exactly as you were told. You laid back on the bed. 

“Innie, reach under the bed on that side, there should be a bar. Grab it.” Jeongin got up and reached under the bed pulling out the custom spreader bar Chan kept tucked away there. He handed it to Chan and he adjusted the length of the bar, extending it as far as it could go.  

You knew from experience just how far your legs had to stretch to accommodate the length of the bar when it was fully extended like that. It was a lot, Chan had it made that way on purpose for your punishments. 

“Wanna spread your legs for the maknae like a dirty fucking slut? Then spread them.” Chan cuffed your first ankle to the bar then pushed your legs far enough apart to cuff the other. It was WIDE but it wasn’t an uncomfortable stretch for you. Chan walked over to the black trunk he kept on his side of the bed and opened it, pulling out two pairs of padded cuffs.  

Jeongin watched as Chan went to one side of the bed, grabbed your wrist and yanked your arm above your head. He fixed the first set of cuffs, one on your wrist and the other end attached to a ring on the bed post. Chan walked around past Jeongin and pulled your other arm up doing the same with the second set of cuffs on that side. Now you were completely spread out on the bed for them, pussy dripping wet and exposed. 

Chan climbed on the bed and straddled you then gripped your pretty pink bra with both hands and tore it in half, pulling and ripping it off your body entirely the straps and shredded fabric digging into your skin as he tugged harshly at it. 

“Take this fucking shit off. Look at you dressed like some cute little fucking whore for Innie. I said take it the fuck off.” Chan growled at you as if you could do anything tied down the way you were now. He gripped the garter belt around your waist and yanked hard lifting you off the bed a little, ripping at it until it was shredded from your body leaving a couple little rope like burns on your skin from the fabric being torn from you. Chan left the collar and leash on you and threw the ripped-up lingerie on the floor before climbing off you. He shook his head as he ran his fingers through his curls and took a deep breath. 

“Not even an ‘I’m sorry for being a little slut daddy’? Looks like my good girl got dicked down by someone else and forgot how to act.” You shook your head no. 

“No daddy. I am! I’m so sorry.” Chan shook his head and sucked on his teeth. 

“No, you’re not. Not yet at least. That’s okay though, cause daddy is gonna remind you exactly whose little whore you are. Daddy’s gonna remind you who you belong to.” Jeongin still didn’t do or say a thing, just continued to stand there and watch Chan degrade you, eyes narrowed, as he gripped his hardening cock. 

 Chan walked back over to the trunk and started to grab more things. A flogger, a wand vibrator, nipple clamps, a glass dildo with a little pink heart shaped handle and a matching glass butt plug. As Chan lined up his tools you tried again to plea your case. 

“I really am sorry daddy, I’ll ne-” Chan quickly snatched up your panties he’d set aside, still covered in his cum, and shoved them into your mouth silencing you. 

“Shut the fuck up, I didn’t say you could talk. Dirty fucking sluts don’t get to speak. If I want to hear from you I’ll make you scream, otherwise...” Chan put his finger up to his plump lips and shooshed. It made you fucking throb.  

Chan picked up the flogger and started to drag it across your skin then lightly slapped you with it. Your thighs, your tits, your belly, just enough for you to feel it but not hurt you at all. Then he drug the tassels up your aching pussy and gave it a little slap. You moaned and tugged at the cuffs a little. Chan grabbed the wand and held it out for Jeongin to take. 

“Don’t stop making her cum until I say so.” Jeongin grabbed the vibrator from Chan. 

“I can definitely do that.” Jeongin clicked the wand on and pressed it against your pussy. You instantly tried closing your stretched legs but obviously couldn’t. Jeongin started to rub the wand up and down your slick cunt teasing your clit. You were so focused on the vibrations between your legs you were caught off guard by the flogger slapping against your tits again, a little harder than before but still pretty mild.  

You jumped a little and moaned and Jeongin pressed the vibrator directly against your clit and turned it all the way up. You tugged at your hand cuffs hard and squirmed as you started coming and Chan started flicking the straps of the flogger against your tits again and again, a little harder each time, red strap marks starting to show up the more he slapped you with it. 

When Chan stopped flogging your tits Jeongin turned the vibrator back down and started rubbing it up and down your wet pussy again collecting your fresh juices to help the wand slide back and forth over your throbbing clit.  

Now that Chan had your tits good and sensitive he grabbed the nipple clamps and attached them. Your breasts were numb from the flogging but you could still feel the slight sting from the pinching of the nipple clamps. Once they were in place Chan hooked the chain that connected them with his finger and gently tugged at your nipples. 

“Make her cum again Innie.” Jeongin nodded and pressed the wand against your clit cranking it up again rubbing it harshly back and forth, forcing another orgasm from you. You screamed out, the sound muffled by your cum covered panties. Jeongin was about to turn it down again but Chan grabbed his hand and pressed the vibrator against your clit harder. 

“Filthy fucking whore wants you to make her cum, make her fucking cum. Again!” Jeongin held the wand directly on your clit. You were holding onto your hand cuffs for dear life, the lower half of your body thrashing trying everything to press your thighs together or wiggle away, unsuccessfully of course. Chan pulled on your nipple clamps harder and you came again. Chan let go of the chain and picked up the flogger again. 

“Out of the way.” Jeongin moved the vibrator and the flogger’s straps connected with your cunt twice. The sting was absolutely delicious. Chan pointed at your pussy as fresh slick dripped from you. 

“Go on make her cum again.” The wand was pressed against your clit again and turned back up. The way Jeongin rubbed little circles against your clit with the vibrator was driving you fucking mad. You started coming again and this time you started squirting. 

“That’s it! We’re not stopping you make a fucking mess baby girl.” Chan pushed the vibrator out of his way and started harshly rubbing your clit with four of his fingers as your juices kept gushing from you. He slapped at your cunt a few times and then rubbed your clit hard and fast again before he pushed three fingers into your pussy, working every drop of cum out of you. Chan pulled his fingers out and gave your cunt another slap before standing back up off the bed. You laid there totally fucked out already. Chan pulled your panties from your mouth finally but replaced them with all of his fingers immediately. 

“Suck them clean.” You swirled your tongue around Chan’s digits sucking your cum from them like he told you to. When Chan deemed his fingers clean enough he pulled them out of your mouth and went to grab another toy from his arsenal. When he walked back over he was holding a bottle of lube and the glass butt plug. He held them up for you to see. 

“What’s your color princess?” You let out a breathless little laugh. These men were going to drive you into utter madness. 

“Green daddy.” Chan nodded, shoved your panties back into your mouth, and slipped right back into dom mode. 

“Time to stretch your asshole slut. Innie grab the bar and pull that little whore’s legs back.” Jeongin grabbed the spreader bar and pulled your stretched out legs back far enough that Chan had easy access to your ass. Chan put some lube on his fingers and started circling your asshole before pushing two fingers into you, getting you ready for the toy.  

He fucked your ass open with his fingers for a minute, then put lube on the butt plug and started teasing your hole with the cool glass. When Chan started pushing it in you couldn’t help how loud the muffled sounds were coming from you even with the panties in your mouth. 

“Better be a good girl and keep it the fuck down or I’m gonna have to get out the cock gag to use on you instead those panties.” Chan spit on your asshole just to make it a bit wetter as he kept pushing the butt plug into you. 

“See Innie? Daddy’s fucking slut can definitely take more than just a couple fingers in her ass.” Jeongin looked down licking his lips as Chan pushed the rest of the butt plug into you. You let out a choked moan but stopped yourself before you made any more noise. Chan massaged your ass cheeks with both hands giving you a second to adjust now that the toy was fulling inside you, then he gave you a hard slap on one ass cheek. 

“Alright you can unfold her now, grab that wand again.” Jeongin helped you bring your legs back down to the bed and grabbed the vibrator while Chan grabbed the glass dildo and climbed on the bed again. You laid there cuffed and spread out, Jeongin on one side with the vibrator, Chan on the other with the dildo, your ass filled by the butt plug. Chan wasted no time pushing the glass dildo into your mouth, making you suck it. Once it was coated in your saliva he took it from your mouth and immediately pushed it into your pussy, pumping it in and out of you hard. 

“You just gonna hold that wand Innie or are you gonna use it?” Jeongin laughed nodding 

“Right hyung!” He pressed the wand against your clit again then turned it on. There were suddenly so many sensations happening at once. The way the cuffs felt around your wrists after tugging at them while you came, your nipples had gone numb from the clamps pinching them, you could feel the slight welts from the flogger and clothes being torn from you, there was a dull ache that was starting to form in your legs from being spread so wide for so long, the toys filling your ass and cunt, the vibrations from the wand that seemed to spread through your entire body. It was so fucking much to take a once but you loved it. 

“Turn it up.” Chan demanded. Jeongin cranked the wand to high and just when you were about to cum again, and thought you couldn’t possibly take anymore, Chan grabbed the chain on your nipple clamps with his free hand and tugged as he fucked you harder with the dildo. Your whole body tensed when you came again, like you had been electrocuted. You could feel your asshole tighten around the butt plug as Chan kept fucking you through your orgasm with the dildo and you started to squirt for a second time.  

Chan fucking loved to make you squirt it was his absolute FAVORITE so when you started squirting again and he snapped. He pushed the vibrator away again then positioned himself between your legs and started licking and slurping at your gushing cunt. He ate your pussy like a man that had been pushed to the brink of starvation, he drank you like you were the fountain of life and he’d just crawled through the dessert to get to you. He pushed the dildo back into you and started sucking on your clit as he fucked you with it, working every drop of cum from you again. 

Chan was completely lost in you, Jeongin was just going to have to wait a minute. You came three more times before Chan decided he’d had satiated his hunger for your juicy cunt. At least for now. You laid there absolutely spent. Chan put down the glass dildo and took your panties back out of your mouth so you could take deep breaths easier. Your arms dangled in the cuffs as your body melted into the bed, your breasts heaving with your deep breaths. 

As you laid there recuperating Chan gently took the nipple clamps off then started undoing one of your hand cuffs. He nodded towards the cuffs on the other side, silently instructing the maknae to undo that side as well. Chan kissed your wrist once it was freed then he started unfastening one of the cuffs on the spreader bar, Jeongin immediately helped undo the other side of that as well.  

Once you were freed you moved your legs and arms trying to get all the blood flowing back into them. You sat up and rubbed at your wrists a little. Chan gently grabbed one of your hands inspecting your wrist closer and noticed red marks. 

“Color?” He asked, unable to hide the concern in his voice. You grabbed Chan’s wrist and gave it a reassuring squeeze, looking up at him. 

“I’m okay daddy, really. Green.” He took a deep breath and nodded but still left the room and came back with another bottle of water for you. You drank it down quickly and handed the empty bottle back to Chan to throw away.  

You had managed to collect yourself for the most part and now you sat there, a gorgeous man with a rock hard cock on either side of you, watching you, waiting for you, to have YOU. Chan beckoned you to him and you crawled across the bed on your hands and knees. He hooked a finger under your chin, tilted your head up making you look at him. 

“Be a good little slut now and gag on daddy’s cock like I like it. Do a good job and maybe I’ll let Innie fuck you again while you choke on me. Bet you’d look real cute getting spit roasted by me and the maknae, don’t you think Innie?” You looked back at Jeongin who’s foxlike eyes were fixed on your creamy pussy and the heart shaped end of the butt plug decorating your asshole as he stroked his cock. 

“Definitely! Cutest little slut I’ve ever fucked for sure.” You turned back towards Chan, grabbed his thick cock and spit on it. You started jacking him off, coating his shaft with your saliva before taking him deep enough to make you gag. You pulled off and took a deep breath before throating him again, deeper.  

The wet gagging sound that came from you as you started choking on him again and again made Chan throb hard. He gripped your hair tightly and thrusted deep into your throat until your nose hit the smooth, firm, muscle above his cock, then held you there. Chan pinched your nose closed and your throat constricted around his cock tighter as you tried to breath. Drool poured from your mouth and dripped from your chin down your tits as Chan gave you a few shallow thrusts before pulling you off gasping for air. 

“Color?” Chan pulled your hair tilting your head up towards him to look at your messy, mascara streaked face. 

“Green daddy.” You choked out. That wicked smile spread across Chan’s face again. He forced his cock to the back of your throat and held you there again. He didn’t pinch your nose this time, instead he started thrusting, fucking your face hard. The squishy gawking sounds coming from you was music to Chan’s ears. He thrusted hard gagging you and pulled you off again. He yanked your head back again harder, forcing you to look up at him. 

“Color?” He asked again. 

“Green daddy.” You gasped out again. 

“Open wide fucking slut.” Chan demanded and you opened your mouth. Chan spit in your mouth before shoving his cock back in and fucking your face again. 

“Since she’s being such a good little whore for her daddy go ahead take that pussy Innie. Give it to her hard, she can handle it can’t you baby girl?” You made a gagging noise trying to answer and Chan pulled you off his cock so you could. 

“Yes daddy! I can take it, make me fucking take it please!” You choked the words out desperately. Chan laughed and made you swallow his cock again. 

“You heard her Innie, make her fucking take it.” Jeongin knelt on the bed behind you, lined up with your wet cunt, gripped your hips tightly, and bottomed out in you so hard it made you gag on Chan’s cock. Jeongin started fucking your pussy at an absolutely brutal pace, spanking your ass until it turned pink as you bounced back and forth on both of their dicks. 

“Yes! Fuck! Take my big cock you pretty fucking whore!” Jeongin growled at you as Chan tugged your hair, pulling you off his cock again so he could watch your fucked out face as Jeongin continued drilling into you. 

“You want it harder princess?” Chan asked. You struggled to nod your head yes. 

“Yes daddy, daddy pleasepleaseplease, want it harder daddy need it harder!” You begged for it not caring how pathetic you sounded, how desperate you were. 

“Alright baby girl we’ll give it to you harder. Innie, pull out that butt plug. We’re gonna fill this little slut up.” Jeongin pulled his cock out and then grabbed the heart shaped end of the butt plug and gently pulled it out. You felt a little empty but you knew that was getting ready to change quickly. Chan got on the bed and sat with his back against the head board, his legs spread wide. 

“Well go on princess, if it looks like a throne, sit on it.” Chan smirked and winked at you and you cracked a smile. You couldn’t help it, the man had been destroying you half the night and he still managed to be a goofball. You crawled over to him and straddled his waist. Your pussy was dripping you were so wet just by the idea of what these two men were about to do to you. He grabbed your leash and pulled you forward kissing you. 

You lined Chan up with your pussy and sank down on him until your cunt was filled with his thick cock. You moaned into his mouth and braced yourself on his broad shoulders as started to ride him, feeling the stretch a little since he was a little thicker than Jeongin. Once you could comfortably bounce on his cock Chan gripped your hips and made you sit, taking him balls deep and held you there. 

“You ready baby girl?” He cocked his eyebrow at you. Jeongin was kneeling on the bed to the side jacking off, waiting for the signal to take his place behind you, between Chan’s legs. Your heart was racing now and your hands gripped Chan’s shoulders a little tighter. 

“Innie, hand me that glass off the nightstand, will you?” Jeongin reached over and grabbed the glass of whiskey you’d sat down there earlier that night then climbed behind you and handed you the glass. Chan’s big hands softly rubbed up and down your thighs soothing you as Jeongin pushed your hair aside, grabbing your shoulders and massaging them gently while you shot back what was left of the slightly watered down whiskey in your glass. You handed the empty glass back to Jeongin who stretched, putting it back on the night table and then went back to rubbing your shoulders. You took one last deep breath to prepare yourself. 

“I’m ready.” Chan nodded and grabbed the bottle of lube, handing it to Jeongin. He put a few big drops on his fingers then started teasing your asshole to get you lubed up. Jeongin pushed two fingers into your ass to make sure you were ready to take him then squirt a liberal amount of lube on his dick. He stroked his cock a few times spreading it all over making sure it was good and coated.  

“Lean into me baby girl.” You threaded your fingers behind Chan’s neck and leaned forward. Jeongin got right up behind you and teased your asshole a little before he slowly started pushing his cock into you. Your grip on the back of Chan’s neck tightened and you tensed a little when Jeongin’s tip slipped into your asshole. 

“Relax baby girl, just relax.” Chan cupped your face, kissing you softly, and your body relaxed as if it were controlled by Chan’s words alone. Jeongin didn’t move for a moment giving you time to adjust and relax completely then pushed his cock into your ass a little more. You let out a choked moan. Again, Jeongin waited for you to get used to the feeling of having two cocks inside you before pushing in further. 

“FUCK ME! GOD DAMN!” Chan grabbed your leash pulling you towards him as Jeongin gripped your hips holding you in place while he pushed the rest of his length into your ass. Now Chan AND Jeongin were balls deep in both of your holes. You had never had something so big in your ass.  

Chan had fucked you plenty of times while you wore a butt plug or while he fucked your ass with your glass dildo but he loved fucking and coming in your pussy so much this was the first time you had two very big, very real cocks inside you at the same time. You had never felt so full in your life. Chan pressed his thumb against your clit and gently rubbed circles against it. 

“Let me know when you think we can move princess.” You bit your lip and gripped Chan’s neck, your forehead pressed against his as you nodded. 

“Yes daddy, I just need a minute.” Chan gave your hip a gentle squeeze, gathered more spit on his fingers and played with your clit as Jeongin placed feather soft kisses across your shoulders and played with your tits, teasing your sensitive nipples. 

“Take your time.” Jeongin whispered against your skin. All the hands on your body gently caressed and massaged you as you got used to the feeling of two big cocks inside you. After a minute you had adjusted to their size and straightened up a little. 

“Okay daddy, you can move now.” Chan stopped playing with your clit, wrapped your leash around his hand and gripped your hip with the other. 

“Okay baby girl, hold on. You start Innie, go slow.” Jeongin nodded then slowly pulled out a little and pushed back into you. You moaned and threaded one of your hands into the curls at Chan’s nape and tugged as you gripped his shoulder with the other. Jeongin pulled out again, a little further, then thrusted into your ass a little harder and deeper making you move up and down Chan’s cock a bit. 

“FUCK! YES! LIKE THAT! Fuck me JUST like that!” Jeongin started a steady pace making sure not to go too hard just yet. Once you seemed to be taking Jeongin easily enough Chan adjusted a little. He let go of your leash and held your hips up so he could start thrusting into you from below.  

It didn’t take long for everyone to get a good rhythm going and the feeling of two cocks sliding in and out of your ass and pussy at the same time was driving you fucking mad with pleasure. Your wanting moans got louder and louder the closer you got to coming. 

“Does daddy’s cock hungry slut like getting her holes filled? Hmm?” You nodded frantically. 

“Yesyesyesyes fill me up! Harder! Want you both to fuck me harder daddy!” Chan and Jeongin both gave you what you wanted. All four hands held you as they fucked you harder, sending you reeling into subspace as you came hard again. When you started squirting Chan dropped his hips and stopped thrusting, then gripped your hips forcing you down onto his entire cock as Jeongin gripped you right above one of Chan’s hands, grabbed your leash and pulled on it as he fucking railed you in the ass hard, prolonging your orgasm.  

“OH MY FUCKING GOD YES!!!” You gripped Chan’s hair with both hands tugging and screamed so fucking loud when you came you hoped the neighbor couple from earlier didn’t hear you. Fuck it, actually, you hoped they did, you hoped they knew exactly what you were doing, taking two perfect cocks at the same time and fucking loving it, you didn’t care anymore.  

Your juices continued dripping down your legs as they trembled and Jeongin slowed his pace before stopping, buried deep in your ass still. Chan rubbed at your clit making you jump and twitch from overstimulation and you clenched hard around both of their cocks.  

You leaned forward resting your head against Chan’s again, gently carding your fingers through his sweaty curls as the room spun around you. Jeongin dropped the leash and softly ran his hands up your back, kissing your neck and shoulders. You didn’t move your head but managed to open your eyes and Chan was right there, looking at you. You closed your eyes again smiling and he cupped your face in his big hands.  

“Color?” Your heavy eyes fluttered back open and looked at Chan again still working on regaining the ability to speak after your last orgasm. Chan ran his thumb across your bottom lip and you took it into your mouth gently sucking on it. Your teeth grazed his skin as he slid his thumb back out of your mouth and down your bottom lip, pinching your chin, holding you in place. 

“Color baby girl.” You licked your lips so you could move them to speak. 

“Green daddy...” You said softly, kind of spacey, still a little overwhelmed from the feeling of both of their cocks filling you entirely. Chan cupped your face again and made you lift your head to look at him better. 

“You sure?” You let out a content sigh and nodded in his hands. 

“Yep! I’m sure daddy, green.” You smiled and your eyes scrunched and disappeared. Chan smiled, laughing a little then leaned in and kissed you, sliding his tongue into your mouth to taste you before pulling away.  

“You ready to see if you can take us both at the same time now princess?” Chan ran his fingertips down your arms and a little shiver ran down your spine as goosebumps rose all over your body. You were so excited by the idea of both of their cocks rubbing together inside one of your holes. 

“Yes daddy, I think so...” Chan cocked his eyebrow at you. 

“Think?” You shook your head. 

“I know. I’m ready daddy.” He gave you a peck on the nose. 

“What do you want to do? Ass or pussy? It’s up to you princess.” One of your thumbs went to your mouth and you chewed at your nail as you weighed your options. Chan had fucked your pussy with toys bigger than him before so that would definitely make it easier to take them both and you decided your ass had probably had enough for one night after being stretched by Jeongin’s big cock. 

“Pussy.” Chan shot Jeongin a look and nodded. Jeongin slowly pulled out of your ass and you could relax a little for a moment. Chan adjusted so he was laying back a little more, legs still spread wide to accommodate you and Jeongin between them. 

“Come here baby girl, lay on me.” You wrapped your arms around Chan’s neck and laid on him more, your breasts squishing against his firm chest as he wrapped his arms around your waist. The new position gave Jeongin a better angle to get to your cunt. He grabbed the lube and coated his cock again as well as squirting a liberal amount on you. He watched it drip down your pussy and the base of Chan’s dick that was still buried inside you.  

Jeongin scooted in a little closer to you and Chan and started by just rubbing his tip around your already stuffed hole, spreading the lube around more, getting you ready. Then he gripped the base of his cock hard and your hip harder as he started to push the tip of his dick into your tight pussy, and it was an EXTREMELY tight fit. When Jeongin finally managed to squeeze his tip into you, you all moaned out various expletives. 

“Fuck! So fucking tight princess!” Jeongin breathed out and Chan’s arms tightened around your midsection. 

“Tell me when it’s good baby girl.” Chan was watching every expression on your face to make sure you were doing okay. It was A LOT to take. Not in a painful way, although it did sting initially, but in a way that made your whole body feel like it was on fire from the adrenaline coursing through you.  

“Okay, good. I can take more Innie.” Jeongin still gripping his cock tightly pushed a little deeper. 

“SSssfuck! God damn! It’s SO much fucking cock!” Jeongin stopped again giving you more time.  

“Relax princess, just let go. Daddy’s got you.” Chan whispered into your ear. You let your body go more laxed and Chan held you. Jeongin slowly worked his dick deeper and deeper into your cunt waiting a little bit each time until he felt his balls pressed against you and Chan both. Jeongin gently massaged your ass cheeks spreading them so he could get a good look at your pussy stuffed full with two cocks. 

“Oh my fucking god it’s so fucking pretty. That’s it, it’s all in angel.” Jeongin wanted to reassure you that the hard part was over while Chan was doing his best to hold it together underneath you. He didn’t expect to love the feeling of Jeongin’s hard cock rubbing up against his inside you so much but between that and your velvety tight cunt Chan was glad you needed a minute because he did too.  

“Someone play with my fucking pussy, PLEASE! Distract me or I think I might lose my god damn mind.” Chan’s arms were still wrapped around you holding on to you so Jeongin reached around and started playing with your clit. It took a little longer to get used to both of their cocks in your pussy than it did when they were in different holes but they waited patiently until YOU were ready.  

Once you were ready you gave Chan a deep kiss parting his thick lips with your tongue and had a quick messy make out session. You broke the kiss after a minute then braced both your hands on Chan’s chest and propped yourself up a bit. You could feel both of them so full inside you as you moved and the feeling was an absolutely indescribable pleasure. You reached around and gripped the hair the back of Jeongin’s head tightly, pulling him into a kiss too. He licked and sucked on your tongue until you pulled away breathless. 

“Fucking ruin me.” You whispered against Jeongin’s lips then looked at Chan bracing yourself against his pecs again. 

“I want you both to absolutely fucking destroy me daddy.” Chan’s eyes rolled back and Jeongin’s cock throbbed inside you so hard Chan could feel it twitch against his own. They both couldn’t help but moan at the filthy request leaving your pretty mouth.  

Jeongin started moving first, only giving you shallow thrusts to begin with, making sure not to go too hard. You and Chan both moaned and cussed at the feeling of Jeongin moving in and out of your cunt, his tip rubbing up against Chan’s every time he was balls deep inside you. 

“Harder...” You whined and Jeongin picked up the pace, cramming his cock into of your tight hole faster. 

“Harder.” You asked again so Jeongin started bottoming out into you harder. 

“HARDER! Fuck me fucking harder god damn it!” Jeongin’s jaw dropped at your forceful demand and he went fucking crazy on you, fucking you fast and hard. Chan did his best to thrust up into you from below so the maknae wasn’t doing all the work.  

“Yesyesyesyesfuckmefuckmefuckme! Split me in fucking half!” You were a babbling drooling mess as their two big cocks slid in and out of your cunt. What the guys felt as they both fucked your hole together was unfuckingreal, their wet cocks slipping against each other as they found a rhythm and pounded into your pussy at the same time. 

“Daddy’s baby girl like being fucking used? Hmm? Is daddy’s baby girl a greedy little fucking cock slut?” You nodded and struggled to control the level of your voice. 

“YES DADDY! Yesyesyes fucking cock slut YESSSSuhhhhhh!” You groaned out as you were bounced up and down on their dicks harder. 

“Pretty little fucking whore loves getting wrecked by our cocks, don’t you angel?” Jeongin pushed your hair off your shoulder then sank his teeth into your skin and Chan latched onto one of your tits and started sucking and biting your nipple hard before moving to the other and doing the same.  

“Yes fucking use me, ruin me, destroy me, please FUCKING PLEASE!” Jeongin shoved his thumb in your mouth getting it covered in your spit then pulled it out and immediately stuck it in your asshole. When he did Chan spit on his own fingers and started rubbing your clit hard. You couldn’t take it anymore, you started screaming and coming.  

“FUCKFUCKFUCKINGFUCK! OHMYFUCKING GOD! YES! It was by far the most intense orgasm you’d had all night, probably in your whole fucking life. You started squirting again as your body convulsed covering Chan and Jeongin both in your cum.  

“Such a good fucking girl, go on soak us, don’t stop coming on our cocks! That’s daddy’s good girl!” When you finally stopped coming you slumped down on Chan, your juices still pouring from you, completely out of breath. Chan ran his fingers through your hair, pushing it out of your face as your whole body heaved with your deep breaths.  

Jeongin took his thumb out of your ass then slowly, gently pulled his cock out of your cunt. You hissed a little, feeling VERY sensitive from everything that had progressed through the whole evening but you had also never felt more satisfied in your entire fucking life. Chan sat up with you on his lap, cock still inside you. He wrapped his arms around you and Jeongin moved so Chan could lay you back on the bed gently. Once Chan had you laid back he pulled out and moved out of your way so you could stretch a bit. Once your back had made contact with the cool sheets your whole body relaxed. 

You laid sprawled out on the bed completely used up and probably the most fucked out you had ever been in your whole life. You felt the mattress give a little around you, then heard heavy, panting breaths coming from both of the guys.  

When you were somehow, by some miracle, able to finally force your eyes open you saw Chan and Jeongin were both kneeling over your lifeless body jacking off. You managed to reached up and started to fondle Jeongin’s balls with one hand and finger Chan’s asshole with the other as they both tugged furiously at their red leaking cocks. Jeongin scooted closer. 

“Fuck I’m gonna cum! Open up princess!” You opened your mouth and stuck out your tongue as Jeongin started to cum. The first few streaks landed on your face, more shot across your lips and tongue which you ate eagerly, a few more streaks landed across your face as Jeongin groaned and then fell back on the bed to catch his breath post nut.

You wiped the streaks of cum off your face with your fingers and sucked on them humming, savoring Jeongin’s flavor. Chan stroked his cock harder and moved, positioning himself so that he was straddling your face. You knew what Chan wanted without him saying a word.  

You gripped his firm ass cheeks with both hands, spreading them so you could start tonguing his asshole as he kept jacking off. Chan played with one of your tits with his free hand and beat off with the other while you fucked his asshole with your tongue, pushing him towards his climax fast. You heard the sweet sound of Chan’s deep throaty moans, the sound you know he made when he was about to cum. 

“Is my pretty little cum slut ready for more?” You hummed as you continued eating Chan’s ass and he started jacking off so hard it almost hurt, tugging at his balls. 

“FUCK! Here I cum! I’m gonna fucking cumghaaaah!” A guttural groan came from Chan as he shot his big load all over your tits and tummy. You felt the warm streaks of his cum land on your skin as you continued to kitten lick Chan’s asshole. He shook and twitched as the last of his cum streaked across your body. He adjusted a little and then stuffed his softening cock in your mouth. 

“Get it all baby girl, every drop.” You sucked any trace left from his cock as you started rubbing his cum all over your tits, smearing it on as if it were some designer skin care product.  

“That’s it, that’s daddy’s good little girl.” Once Chan couldn’t take the overstimulation from your sucking anymore he pulled his dick out of your mouth and slumped down on the bed, his back against the head board, head tilted up to the heavens as he tried like hell to catch his breath. You all laid there in silence, hot, sticky, sweaty, the only sounds between you all were heavy breaths. Jeongin was the first to somewhat recover, he took a deep breath and sat up looking over a Chan. 

“You want a water hyung?” Chan nodded still panting, face red, curls dripping sweat. 

“Fuck yes, please, thank you!” Jeongin got up off the bed. 

“Noona? Water?” You shook your head no. 

“I’m good Innie thanks.” Chan scoffed. 

“Uh no you’re NOT good. Yes Innie she would love a water please get her one as well.” You looked over at Chan shaking your head and rolling your eyes as you cracked a smile. Jeongin laughed and headed towards the kitchen to get everyone water. He came back and handed each of you one. Chan and Jeongin chugged theirs like before and you sat up and drank about a third of yours before putting the cap back on and tossing the rest aside for later. You flopped back on the bed, arms stretch out, hair spread out around your head like a halo. Chan crawled over and hovered above you then removed the collar and leash for you. 

“I know I usually draw your bath and wash you but I’m gonna have Innie do it this time while I clean up the toys and change the sheets for bed. You hummed in agreement. Chan looked over at the maknae. 

“Innie you don’t mind do you?” He shook his head. 

“Absolutely not. I’ll go run a hot bath then come back to help you walk to the bathroom noona.” You hummed again. While Jeongin drew your bath Chan laid beside you tenderly kissing all the red marks he left on your body. You could feel every ounce of his love for you in each kiss he left behind. Once the tub was ready Jeongin came back in and him and Chan helped you up off the bed and to the bathroom. 

Your whole body ached deliciously but it was difficult to walk still. Once you were settled in the tub Chan left to go clean up. Innie grabbed a rag and ran it gently over your face wiping off any of his cum that was left before running the rag over your shoulders and down your breasts, washing the cum from your body too.  

“Spread your legs a little for me noona.” You did as Jeongin asked and he, as gently as humanly possible, ran the rag over your pussy. You winced a little. 

“Does it hurt?” He asked concerned. You smiled and shook your head no. 

“No Innie just sensitive, I’m okay, I promise.” When Chan was done cleaning up he came back to the bathroom to help Jeongin get you out of the tub and back to bed. You crawled in collapsing in the middle and Chan laughed. 

“Tired baby girl?” You shook your head, face buried in the fresh linen ready for sleep to pull you in. 

“Mhmmmhm.” Your answer muffled by the pillow. 

“Innie if you want you’re welcome to sleep over with us. Bed is plenty big enough for everyone.” Jeongin nodded smiling. 

“Thanks hyung, I don’t think I could make it home right now if I tried.” Chan laughed again shaking his head in agreement. Both of the guys got cleaned up real quick and climbed into bed on each side of you. Jeongin curled up on his side and passed out almost immediately. Chan pulled you close and spooned you from behind, softly kissing your shoulder. You relaxed back into his arms, your favorite place, the place you felt the safest. 

“Thank you baby girl.” You hummed half asleep already. 

“F’what” You asked sleepily. Chan smiled and kissed your shoulder again as you slipped off into a deep sleep. He didn’t know how to answer that exactly. For playing out his fantasy with him? For fucking another man for him? For loving and trusting him so completely that you would do anything for him? For letting him love you? Chan pulled you into him tighter. 

“Everything.” He whispered before also drifting off to sleep.  

[twig-gy]

it’s not inherently mischaracterization to write hms gore what matters is the way you do it. gore is a tool that can be amazing or horrible just like any other depending on the execution. pun. gore is not necessarily more shallow than anything else. no one is going around saying ‘stop writing fluff that’s shallow and only meant to make you feel good’, so why does this apply to gore? if this sounds either biased or targeted, that’s because it is :)

less briefly:

yes, gore can stem from Nothing, or mischaracterization. it can also stem from traits that the character has.

sure maybe ‘soul STABS MIND 3000 TIMES IN THE CHEST because ???? uh why not’ is a bad usage of gore, but consider ‘soul stabs mind to punish him for doing something minor (because he is desperate for heart and mind to stop their fights at all costs, and feels as if he has no power, and feels as if the only way to gain power is by making them afraid of him)’.

maybe this doesn’t fit with your specific idea of soul, but there is still character depth there.

<SIDE TANGENT>

what mischaracterization even MEANS is dependent on person to person, because, you know, PEOPLE GET DIFFERENT THINGS FROM THIS ALBUM, and they INTERPRET THE CHARACTERS DIFFERENTLY. additionally, what seems like ‘mischaracterization’ can just be what the author thinks they would react like when placed into a situation, which can be incredibly different from how they usually act! for example, both of my aus are based on how i think the characters would react whenever placed into situation x

(with maybe their characters tweaked a little, which is fine sometimes as long as you aren’t going to claim it’s canon. it’s fine to have headcanons. it’s fine to have different versions of hms(w) that aren’t specifically au. and people who are mad about it - which is a group that may include me, sometimes, i am aware - can be mad! and that doesn’t mean you’re wrong and that doesn’t mean you have to get out the ukelele and be like i’m sorry for having fun with the characters (when you Should be having fun with the characters and if you aren’t then maybe. stop?))

and in my aus they are incredibly different from canon hms! which isn’t a bad thing, it is the point!

anyway you aren’t morally bad for talking about the characters without cited sources. (the annoying part is whenever you act like you /are/ being objectively correct, and right about everything, whenever you’re clearly Doing Shit To Them (also sometimes maybe consider making an oc and whether that would be more fun than saying it’s hms. however you aren’t. morally corrupt. for not making an oc. it’s fine))

(again please don’t say people are morally corrupt for being wrong about the characters. they aren’t. it’s annoying but it’s not bad morally, and they don’t need to get hosed down for it. It’s Fine)

</SIDE TANGENT> (yes i can reclaim the html angle brackets because i know html /joke)

again, compare ‘heart and mind snuggle and don’t argue ever because ???? why not’ and ‘heart and mind snuggle and don’t argue ever because they’ve resolved their conflict, and don’t feel like they need to anymore’ (an attempt to keep the level of fluff while adding a reason- though i admit i’m not good at writing pure fluff), or ‘heart and mind snuggle and don’t argue ever because they’re tired of the pain and want just one moment of peace’ (something more similar to what i write that keeps bittersweetness/tension there).

if reasonless gore is bad, why isn’t reasonless fluff bad? if reasonless gore is ‘immature’, then isn’t is reasonless fluff also ‘immature’?

sure, maybe one is less shocking or more to your tastes than the other: it’s fine to have preferences. what i don’t agree with is saying one is horrible and the other isn’t.

my opinion is that we should stop saying anything that one writes is morally bad: and if you want to anyway, just keep the complaining (because that’s what this is) to friends you complain with, or discord servers meant for complaining, or complain on your own blog without maintagging it, rather than trying to set these rules of what one should and should not write upon the entire fanbase.

thank you (i bow and leave the stage) (ALSO STOP ACTING LIKE IT’S NOVEL TO THINK THAT HEART ISN’T AN UWU BABY OR MIND ISN’T A DEMON IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE FANBASE WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS. WE WERE GOING OVER THIS LAST YEAR. I AM SO TIRED OF PEOPLE MAKING THESE POSTS AND EVERYONE CONGRATULATING THEM OVER IT AS IF IT’S DESERVING OF THE NOBEL PRIZE)

[horror-beeings-artandwriting]

May I have some reverse comfort with twisted Astro?

Ofc! Ima do a one shot cuz u didn’t specify! (^.^)

One of my little headcanons is that Astro doesn’t really know he’s twisted! So that’ll be fun >:3

Title: Divine

Prompt: one shot(comfort)

Character: Astro Novalite

Pronouns: GN reader

Astro could never stop thinking about you. You were the only person who really understood him, his dreams, his songs…

He wasn’t able to make it to the elevator he hoped you made it, I mean he hid! So he’s perfectly fine…

He wandered around each floor, seeing if he could find you, the others were on the floors too…they seemed a tad bit off, but after everything, who wouldn’t be!

As Astro hummed to himself he heard the sound of an elevator opening, he went to hide before…hearing you…you were arguing with Vee about something, screaming at her…

Oh she must have gotten on your nerves again, well…he’ll calm you down! But gosh he doesn’t wanna deal with everyone else…

Hm…he decided to wait till you were on your own, I mean he normally did so it wouldn’t freak you out, right!

As he walked around, pebble had been barking, silly pup…

He heard a loud buzzer sound, then the sound of you cussing…

He quickly ran over! And ran up to you!

“My love! You’re okay! Thank goodness I thought I wouldn’t see you again!” Astro shocked himself, he never thought he could get so loud…

He reached out to hug you but…you took a step back…now they he took a closer look, you were definitely shorter…and scared looking…must have been the twisted…

“Hay don’t worry they can’t find us back here…” Astro coos softly, wrapping his arms around you, your breath hitches…but you aren’t hurt.

“Why…didn’t you hurt me..?” Astro looks shocked at the question. Why would he ever hurt you?!

“I’d never hurt you my love!” Astro sighs nuzzling into your shoulder, you slowly wrap your arms around him, and he lets out a content noise…

“Astro…what happened to you?” You asked, concern lacing your voice…he was still him…yeah he got a bit taller and, he lost his blanket…but he’d never hurt you!

“Nothing to worry about, I just had to run and hide…I’m okay…” Astro says softly. Muffled by your hair.

Astro couldn’t be more happy, he was just with you, you had calmed down…

Suddenly, he hears the elevator open. His grip tightens…

“Please don’t go….” He murmured…you lean back into his chest. Not moving other than that…he smiles…

Oh…this is just…divine.

Kinda a sad ending if you think about it to hard, I love Astro sm. He’s so cute! But yeah! Hope you enjoy!

[deleteddewewted]

Learning Control

MDNI

NSFW

S: Titus is learning new things about himself, especially that he does in fact have a sex drive now that he's been given some time to rest which is a rarity for him. A serf who has shown him nothing but kindness since she started working for the Ultramarines has caught his eye and now he can't help but wonder what it would be like to taste her. To have her. Low and behold Titus finds that the feeling is mutual and he is put to the greatest test. Controlling himself as this lovely serf makes use of his dick for the first time in his entire life.

W: Dom! Reader, Sub! Reader, Virgin! Titus, Cockwarming, Riding, Serf! Reader, Age Gap (Only in the sense that Titus is 300+ and Reader is in their 20's - 30's+)

Titus didnt know that Astartes could feel sexual pleasure in any capacity. He had spent the entirety of his life never having a desire to masturbate or even have sex with anyone before so when he started experiencing episodes of great physical restlessness, he thought he had come down with some kind of illness. He tried fixing the issue on his own. His hands would rub against his penis in an attempt to hide his growing issue but the more he did the harder he became and he grew frustrated. He eventually went to an apothecary when the issue persisted and he was walking uncomfortably.

The apothecary, rolling its eyes at him, explained that his affliction was a baseline want. This initially distressed him, he didn't know what to do nor did he want to find out if he would enjoy releasing his problem. Would it mean he was defective as an angel of death? Did the Rubicon surgery go awry with him? He had no idea.

He didn't try to release himself until he met you. You had been cleaning his room, and as you moved about as he waited patiently for you to finish, he noticed the way your clothes hung over your body. He couldn't help but inspect the way your nipples perked and poked at the fabric of your cloak or the way your body arched as you cleaned below his bed. He desired you more than anything else in this world and the more time he watched you the more his desire grew.

He started following you more often than you followed him or his brothers. He began starting conversations with you in hopes that maybe your voice would grant him some relief from his ever present issue. He had you sit on his lap after you where done cleaning his chambers. He would ask to hold you just to inhale your scent to then in the privacy of his chambers rut into his mattress in search of some relief. He allowed you to clean his face from sweat and dirt just to be able to feel your skin against his own. All of this culminated into the day he would ask you to fuck him once though he didn't know how to ask for this exactly. He approached you and asked you for some personal assistance with an issue of his and once in his chambers, with the door closed shut and locked, he took of his armor and peeled off his body suit. His cock sprung out, the tip red and dripping with cum already. His balls were full and hung heavy as he removed his clothes.

"Please... aid me, y/n." He begged. His voice almost came out as a whine as he bucked his hips at you in hopes you would know what to do. Thankfully for him you did. You began to slowly pump his cock and watched as the once fearsome warrior reduced into nothing but a groaning moaning mess.

You eventually found yourself cockwarming him. You had him sit at his desk and read the codex while you rolled your hips and seeked your own relief while forcing him to remain composed. He bucked and let out breathy moans as you moved.

“My heart, please…. Tell me what to do.” He would moan out. He would beg, face flushed and fucked out.

“Fuck! I’m cumming! Let me-“

“No, be patient Titus.” You argued. And so you sat there, unmoving until his orgasm dissipated. Titus whimpered as your walls tightened around him. You were torture. He loved it but he wished he wasn’t so inexperienced so he could make you feel just as good.

You began to bounce up and down his cock just as he started reading again. You ordered him to read out loud so that you may also learn but you could care less. You searched for your own high as his dick split you in half. He was thick and it made you feel over filled with every thrust. The sound of your ass meeting his thighs turned you on even more. Titus, not being able to stop himself, placed his hand on your stomach just to push you back against his chest. He was close and he begged in between breaths.

“Please….Please…..!” He gasped as he came. He buried himself deeper inside of you, filling you insides with his thick cum. He didn’t want to pull out, you were just so warm and your body was just so welcoming.

You were spent and tired, your legs shook as you tried composing yourself post orgasm. You turned your head and kissed him which he reciprocates back. You both stayed there until you felt like you could walks again and he could steel his expression so he could afec his brothers again. He licked you clean, his tongue rough on your pussy but ever so welcoming as it cleaned the cum that spilled out of you. He went to shower but before he did he promised to properly court you. That he wanted more from you and he hoped you’d want more from him as well.

[starly-amazing]

In Baths and Salts: Stinkfrin Gets Cleansed

Rating: Teen

Summary: Siffrin is a stinky fella after the loops. Isabeau and Mirabelle take it upon themselves to give them a nice relaxing bath and some much-needed pampering. Emotions and minimal crying are to be expected. Happy 1st Anniversary ISAT!

Tags: Bathing/Washing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Queerplatonic Relationships, Fluff, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst

archiveofourown org/works/60726061

--- --- ---

"Siffrin, you smell terrible." Odile sighs as soon as the party makes it back inside the clock tower. The festivities outside were set to go on well into the night, but none of the Saviors had any desire to mingle—or be showered in praise, food, gifts, or marriage proposals.

Isabeau gasps as if personally insulted. "M’dame!? That’s so blunt!" He grips Siffrin tighter as he helps them to the dining table.

They flop over in their chair and let out a harsh wheeze. They don't even try to argue.

She lowers her glasses and raises an eyebrow. "So we’re in agreement, then?" Her arms fold over her chest.

"Well... " He rubs his shoulder. He sniffs his shirt where Siffrin had been leaning and makes a face.

“I’m in an an-greement!” Bonnie yells and fans the air in front of their face. “Belle too!”

“What!?” Mirabelle sputters in the middle of wiping a spot of Siffrin’s blood off her dress. “Bonnie, why are you bringing me into this?”

"Bath sounds nice," Siffrin mumbles into their cloak. The clock tower surprisingly had a full washroom with plumbing. They couldn't imagine why, but they're not about to complain. The bathtub, complete with a crafted heating element, had tempted them so many times during the loops, but they could never justify using it.

But now... 

They're still not sure they can justify it but maybe they should just say ‘blind it all’ and do it anyway.

“Yes, see? Siffrin didn’t need any convincing!”

Though, it seems like their family isn’t going to give them much choice either way.

Odile smirks and tilts her head at Mirabelle.

“Don’t say it!”

“Hey, hey, don’t bully poor Sif! What they need right now is some nice gentle reassurance!”

“And a bath!” Bonnie adds. They start putting away the plates of food that grateful villagers and Housemaidens managed to laden them all with.

“Yep,” Siffrin mumbles, too tired to be phased.

"I'll get it ready!" Isabeau chirps and heads to the washroom.

Odile doesn't even try to hide The Smirk.

Siffrin puts his head down and closes his eye. He breathes deeply a few times and lets the sounds of his family wash over him. Odile is scribbling more in her notebook. Bonnie is messing with the food and gifts. Mirabelle is rummaging through her bags.

"How are you feeling now, Siffrin?" Mirabelle asks after a few moments.

"Gross." They rub at a bloodstain on their cloak.

"Good thing that's going to be remedied soon," Odile hums. She scribbles something down in her notebook. “Teasing aside, is there anything you need—or want us to do for you now? It doesn’t have to be big if you’re not yet comfortable asking, just something that might help you feel more at ease.”

Siffrin eyes the bottle of gifted wine by the sink.

Odile follows their gaze and shakes her head. “Anything but that. We’re not going to let you pick up any new self-destructive habits.”

Siffrin grunts. “Water then, please.”

“I got it!” Bonnie races to the sink and fills a glass in record time. They rush back to Siffrin and nearly spill it onto them.

“A good snack duty-er also includes hydreeshon!”

“Hydration, Boniface.”

“That’s what I said!”

Siffrin cracks a small smile and takes a sip. The cool water is a shock to his parched throat but after the initial tingle fades he downs the rest in a few gulps.

“Wow! Super fast!” Bonnie grabs the cup and runs back to the sink. “Want more?”

Isabeau calls out from the bathroom. “Okay, I think it’s about ready!”

“I’m fine, thank you Bonbon!” They move to get up but their body protests. They flop back down and lay their face on the table again. “Urgh.”

“Whoa, Frin. Do you need help getting to the bathroom?”

“No, no I’m fine I—” They try to push themself up but fail. “Okay maybe yes please.”

It takes both Bonnie’s and Mirabelle’s help to get Siffrin to their feet but once they’re standing they’re able to blink some of the exhaustion back. Still, the two each take one of his arms and help him maneuver to the bathroom. Odile follows close behind, hands at the ready in case his legs decide to give out on him.

The bathroom isn't anything spectacular. Just plain stone floors and walls with some generic concentric circles etched in to break up the monotony. It has nothing in the way of storage; the party all had to drag in some barrels to hold their supplies. It’s a miracle it even had a toilet and bathtub with working plumbing.

At least they can expect hot water. Despite the fever that still makes them sweat, they want nothing more than to get their sore, cosmically stretched, and clone-attacked muscles soaked to the bone.

Loop.

They touch their neck and hope it hasn’t bruised visibly yet.

They'll be back. They have to come back. They just need rest, too.

"Everything okay, Siffrin?” Isabeau hums nervously. “I mean, well, relatively speaking"

"Yeah," they nod and take a step forward. "Just... crowded."

"Come on Boniface." Odile picks them up by the armpits with little effort. "There are some things you are not meant to see here."

Peak physical condition is right.

"Aww come on, let me help, I won't look!" They wave their arms with one hand still gripping Siffrin's. The tug hurts a bit but it's too cute to pull away.

"You can help by fixing up all the food everyone gave us and some more things our little problem child hasn't eaten in a long time."

"Oh! Oh, you're right!" Bonnie wiggles their legs until Odile puts them down. They run out of the bathroom, almost tripping on themself. She chuckles at them, her hand on her hip.

"I suppose I'll go help. You two probably can handle it on your own and my knees will not allow me to do any of this."

Mirabelle and Isabeau both nod as Odile turns away.

"Wait, handle what?" Isabeau tilts his head.

"Giving said problem child a bath,” she says over her shoulder.

"Oh!" He gasps.

‘ Oh’ is right! Siffrin feels their arm hair stand on end.

“Uhm, I think I can handle it on my own.”

But do I want to?

She turns to meet his gaze. "Siffrin. You needed all three of us to help you walk twenty feet to the bathroom. We wouldn't want you falling asleep and drowning. Unless that's something you want to risk, I believe that supervision is warranted."

“Ah, right. That’s a... that’s a good point!” Siffrin stammers and both Isabeau and Mirabelle nod rapidly.

"Good, now have fun." With that, she shuts the door and leaves the three of them alone.

"Well, uhm. So," Isabeau begins. His face is already a shade darker. "So how do you want to do this? I mean we can just, you know, hang out without looking while you clean yourself, and just—then we just make sure you're okay or something!”

"Can I wash your hair, Siffrin?" Mirabelle eyes the rat's nest that’s grown atop their head.

Wash my hair?

They run their hands through the tangled mess until their fingers get stuck in the greasy locks. She’d have her work cut out for her... he’s not sure he can accept the favor so soon.

But, ohh they need it. They need the feeling of Mirabelle's fingers combing through their hair and massaging their scalp. He thinks of how her nails will feel digging deep into their skin. They imagine her reaching through their skull and ripping out every bad thought and memory straight from their mind. It sends a small shiver down their spine. It's all too much for Siffrin to process. They shrink down in their cloak and turn away.

"It's okay if you don't! We'll just be here for moral support!" Mirabelle waves her hands and Isabeau nods.

"I... uh... washing... washing my hair sounds... nice," they manage to force out.

"Ohh!" Mirabelle clasps her hands together and does a little skip in place. Her dress flutters and part of it sticks to the rim of the tub. "Oh, maybe I should change into something else."

"Oh, me too!" Isabeau nods and then turns to leave but stops. "Actually." He removes his sash and outer shirt then gives his undershirt a good tug. "This should be good."

Siffrin takes off his own cloak and reaches for his shirt... 

Oh.

He looks at the lightless fabric of his sleeves—at how some spots stain just a bit darker than the rest. The little gaps in the fabric where light shows through shift slightly with each breath.

Oh no.

He didn't tell Mirabelle about that when she healed them. Nobody has seen.

What do they do? They can't stand the thought of being alone. Not now. Maybe he should have them look the other way the whole time, after all.

But... They promised to be honest now. Though, if they didn't ask, is it really dishonest? He clenches his jaw. It is, he's still hiding something from them.

... They can’t really expect him to be able to open up about everything right away, right?

Still... 

They squeeze their eye shut.

“Sif?”

"Siffrin, what's wrong?"

Breathe. In, and out.

They turn their back to them and grab the base of their shirt.

In, and out.

"Please don't freak out."

Deep breath.

They pull their shirt over their head to reveal the mottling of fresh cuts up and down their arms.

Silence.

Dead silence.

He bites his lip hard enough to hurt. He swears he can almost, almost taste blood.

Each second of nothing wears on Siffrin and they fight the urge to cover back up. The distant sounds of Bonnie rummaging around in the kitchen grate in their ears.

"Let me heal you, Siffrin," Mirabelle breathes.

They nod and slowly hold out one arm behind them. She gently takes their fingers in her hand and places her palm on the back of his. She whispers a few things under her breath and starts moving her hand up their arm. The soreness dissipates in little ripples out from her fingertips.

Isabeau shifts behind them and starts swirling his hand in the bath.

"The water should be good," he murmurs.

Siffrin flexes their arm in front of them as Mira begins on their other one.

Scarred. Of course. Most have faded but the deeper, star-shaped ones remain. They no longer hurt, at least, just a dull ache if they move too much. That could also just be everything else wrong with them.

"I'm sorry, Siffrin," Mirabelle murmurs when she sees them scrutinize one of the larger scars. "I—I couldn’t prevent them from scarring. I just don’t have the Craft energy."

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, they're all probably beyond exhausted from dealing with your tantrum.

Why didn't you even consider that until now? Even Bonnie is probably tired from everything and now they're out preparing you a full-course meal.

Siffrin pulls away and holds their half-healed arm to their chest, out of reach.

"I'm—"

"No, Siffrin, it's okay." Mirabelle reaches for them but they turn further away. “I’m happy to finish healing you, really.”

“You’ve already done so much.”

“And I’m willing to do more.” She takes a step closer. “You’d do the same for me if our positions were switched, right?”

“Of course I would!” He whirls around. They squint as their head spins a bit. “You are all..." he pauses, voice lowering. “So important to me.”

Isabeau pulls up two stools to the tub. “And you’re so so important to us too.” He frowns slightly as Siffrin shrinks into themself more. “We choose to do this Sif. We want you to be safe, healthy, and happy and we’re all willing to push ourselves like this to make sure of it.”

“But..." Their voice trails off.

“Siffrin, I promise I’m not putting myself in any danger doing this. It’s just tiring and nothing a few good night’s sleep won't fix.”

“I guess..."

Mirabelle gives Siffrin a tired smile. She reaches for their face.

A stinging memory flashes through their mind and they flinch. They recoil. Their hand flies part way to their cheek but they freeze.

He blinks, blinks, blinks away the memory. He sees Mirabelle standing there with her hands clasped at her chest. Her body is stiff—as if she's frozen in time—but her rapid breathing betrays that.

"Siffrin, I'm... " She worries her lip and picks at her fingertips. "I'm so sorry. I—I shouldn’t have... I know I was angry at those awful things you said but I still shouldn’t have slapped you."

"Of course you should have!" They dig their nails into their arms, threatening to undo everything Mirabelle just healed. "I said all those... cruel, horrible, untrue things when you were stressing out so much about everything! You had the weight of all of Vaugarde on your shoulders! And then your—” they stop themself. “The papers... Why wouldn't you slap me?"

Her face pulls into a grimace. "I still should have kept trying to figure out what was wrong! You're right, I was so stressed and anxious about everything..." She takes a shuddering breath and squeezes her eyes shut. “And it really did hurt... what you said... But I... I just assumed the worst of you... that you never really cared about me... when I knew that wasn’t true. I should have known it wasn’t that... " Her voice quiets to a whisper. “I shouldn’t have given up on you.”

"But... how were you even supposed to guess what was happening?"

Isabeau chimes in. "Well, we wouldn't have figured out the specifics but it was obvious there was something ."

Their shoulders fall. "And I... still wouldn't have said anything.”

Silence.

Wrong response, stupid, stupid, stupid.

"You should have slapped me too, Isa. How were you so calm?"

Worse response! Stop it!

"Sif, I would never hurt you. I couldn’t.”

Mirabelle’s jaw clenches and her face pulls tight.

Isabeau jumps slightly and holds his hands up. “Ah—sorry Mira, I didn’t mean to imply anything! It’s just... you know, defender training and just... my own..." He brings a hand to his chest. “Er—yeah, I’m not judging you or anything for your reaction! Anyway, Sif!” He lets his hand fall to his side and meets their gaze. They have to fight not to look away.

“We all made mistakes yesterday... and we’re all willing to go to great lengths to help you and each other, even if we’re tired. Even if we’re angry.”

Siffrin can't keep his gaze.

Isabeau hums for a moment and then lights up with a small gasp. "Okay, give me your hand."

He hesitates.

Isabeau holds his hand out, palm up. It glistens a bit in the candlelight—from sweat or bath water, Siffrin isn't sure.

Slowly, carefully, they place their closed hand in Isabeau's. He lifts his other hand slowly enough that it doesn't startle them and then very lightly smacks his fingers against their knuckles.

"Whap! There's your slap."

Despite themself, they couldn't hold back a snort.

"Ohhh, the pain~" they whine in a weak, almost ghost-like manner.

Isabeau releases his grip and Siffrin shivers at the sudden coolness.

"Oh, uh, you should probably get in the bath before it gets cold too, huh?"

"Ah, right, yeah." They gaze at the inviting water. They realize their legs are shaking more. "Can you... look the other way for a minute."

Isabeau spins around and Mirabelle covers her eyes.

Siffrin fumbles with their belt—their grip is weaker and stiffer than before. Was it the scarring? Or just exhaustion? They didn't have the energy to think too hard about it. The bath was calling to them.

He slips out of his pants and kicks them to the corner. They approach the tub and tentatively stick in their toe.

Warm. A bit too warm.

They could use all the warmth they can get.

They step inside and settle in quickly. The water burns at every little cut Mirabelle didn’t manage to heal. He grits his teeth and just waits for it to ease up.

They wish for would like a bubble bath so they could hide under a foot of suds, but the bare-bones bathroom doesn't afford such luxuries. Still, they splash a bit of soap in to create a facsimile of a foam shield and cover up their unmentionables with a washcloth.

"Okay," they breathe.

Mirabelle drops her hands and Isabeau waits another second before turning around. Siffrin holds their arms against their chest. There's not much to hide, but still.

The two of them settle down on small stools next to him.

Silence.

Siffrin pokes at a small bruise on their knee.

"Uhm, Siffrin?"

He glances at Mirabelle and tilts his head.

"Are you ready for me to wash your hair?"

Their eye widens and flashes of the past flick through their mind. Her gentle hands worked through his hair as she brushed it, picking out dirt and pulling out tangles. It was so nice they couldn't bring themself to accept any other time she offered.

But now... 

" Please ."

Mirabelle perks up with a smile and grabs two shampoo bottles from atop a barrel.

"Okay, so we have a lavender scent here. It's good for calming you down and helps with sleep." She holds up the other one. "And here we have pineapple sc—"

"LAVENDER!" Siffrin yelps, causing Mirabelle and Isabeau to jump.

"Okay, okay! Lavender it is!" She puts the other bottle far away from Siffrin. “I didn’t think you had such strong feelings for some foods!” She pours a generous amount of the other onto Siffrin's head until a drop of it splatters on his shoulder. Siffrin clenches his jaw and decides against letting that bit of information out for now.

Mirabelle rubs her hands together and gets to work.

Almost immediately he lets out a sigh as her nails rake across his scalp. His eye rolls back into his head and he sinks deeper into the water.

They're floating, becoming one with the Universe. Their pain fades into dull static as their mind focuses solely on their head.

It's heavenly.

"Uh, Sif," Isabeau's voice is soft.

"Mmm?" they hum.

"Anything I can help with?"

Siffrin cracks his eye open at Isabeau. He's sitting with his head turned to the ceiling and scratching at his chin.

"Oh, uh... " They pause and think. It'd be too cramped to ask him to wash anything else while Mirabelle is still working, but his touch is just so inviting all the same.

They mull it over for a moment. They look at their hand, flex their stiff fingers, and reach out.

"Can you... hold my hand?"

Isabeau gasps. "Of course!" He wipes his hands on his pants and takes Siffrin's between them.

It's nice.

They smile and let out a long sigh. He closes his eye and feels the weightlessness of his body. The way Isabeau’s hand molds around his. The way Mirabelle oh so gently tugs at the many tangles in their hair.

How it feels like... 

His mind wanders.

A tear floats gently in front of him. He’s in the house again.

Ugh. He squeezes his eye shut. Now’s not the time for those thoughts.

It’s completely different, anyway. Tears were always so cold and touching them felt more like missing a stair step and falling forever... and the dreams... the dreams were always so weird.

But now! Now he’s warm and feels like he’s being lifted up, up! And no dreaming! Just perfectly controllable awake thoughts.

... 

He’s in the house again.

Their family is there. Talking about something he can’t quite process. The images and sounds are warped and garbled. They can barely make out Bonnie making snacks in the corner.

Their family goes quiet. Everyone looks over at Bonnie.

They aren’t cooking.

Nope! Not that memory!

They shift in the tub and try to force a different thought, hoping nobody notices their discomfort.

Mirabelle continues scrubbing. Isabeau gives their hand another squeeze.

They are in a hallway now. Things look even more warped and broken; the pillars are sinking through the floor, a haze of static obscures almost everything, and the walls seem to be melting. He can still make out his family standing a few paces ahead, surrounding... him?

They’re smiling at him, and then their expressions fall. “He” vanishes.

No, not that one either.

He’s in front of Isabeau by the tree. They reach out and grab his shirt--

No no no!

They pull into themself and furiously wipe their mouth.

“Sif? What’s wrong?” Isabeau puts his other hand on him. Mirabelle stops and places her hands on their shoulders.

“S-sorry, I just..." He doesn’t want to get into it.

Just be vague. Honest, but vague.

“Just thinking about the loops again.”

They both give him little squeezes.

“It’s okay, Siffrin. We’re here.”

“You’re safe,” Isabeau adds, “it’s over, I promise.”

“Yeah,” they swallow a knot in their throat, “yeah it’s over.” He forces himself to relax and give them a reassuring smile. They close their eye again and wait for Mirabelle to continue scrubbing their hair.

But the memories aren’t over--they won’t ever go away, will they?

They’ve forgotten their own family member’s names. They’ve forgotten their home, their language, their past, and whole chunks of their journey before the loops began.

But the loops themselves are so etched into their mind... 

No. No. It’s too early to even think about that. They’ll fade. They won’t keep popping up every time they have a moment of rest. Maybe they’ll even be able to start remembering things from before the loops! It’s just going to be a recovery process.

A long, long recovery process.

It’s fine though! They have their family! They promised they’d be there for him. As long as he can make himself talk about his feelings sometimes, it’ll all work out fine!

They smile and sigh.

Just happy thoughts for now. Focus on Isabeau’s and Mirabelle’s hands. Think about her brushing your hair or Isabeau holding your hands on the rooftop. Think about Odile ruffling your hair or Bonnie’s hug.

His mind starts to drift again.

In the echo of a memory, the Head Housemaiden is crying. Their family calls out to them from the distance. They race to him and he reaches out. He can barely make out anything through the static but their calling his name is unmistakable.

The scene cracks, and breaks, and he’s back in Dormont. Mirabelle screams. Bonnie cries. Odile grips his cloak. And Isabeau... 

Siffrin’s face pulls into a grimace and he shifts in the tub.

They were loved.

They were loved, they were so loved, and yet, they ruined it.

Isabeau locks their fingers together. “We’re here, Sif.”

Mirabelle holds his head in her hands. “Siffrin, you can talk to us about what you’re thinking about if you want.” Her voice is so soft, so gentle. “But... if you can’t right now you can tell us that too... We can just talk about something light instead... to keep your mind off things.”

‘ So you should just accept it! Accept that you'll always be alone!’

They dig their heels into the bottom of the tub.

“I just—” he chokes.

They say they forgive you, but... 

“Sif.” Isabeau pulls their hand closer.

‘ I know what kind of person you are, now. A Coward, Isa. Never able to say what you mean, never able to do what you want.’

You can’t take it back. Can’t undo it all.

“I—” His breathing quickens. Their chest starts to burn. He tries to speak again but only choked sounds come out.

‘ Deep down, you know you can't escape yourself.’

They won’t forget what you said.

A tear runs down their face. It joins the many drops of water clinging to their neck.

‘ Just leave me behind! Just like you left Ka Bue behind!!! Just like your mom lef̵͉͘ţ̷̟̪̀̒͗́͠ ̵̠̩͕̘̫̈͗̌̊y̷̧̡̼͕̮͆̔̆̀̔o̷̝̓̑̍̚͘ŭ̴̘͇̮̄͜ ̷̻̮͔̖̬̇͌̐̒b̵͔͇̤̽̾̽̕͘͠e̶̘̮̦̬͍̿̒ḣ̶̛̝̤̑̈̎̎i̷̪̮͝ň̷͖̣̱̽d̸͙̿̈́́̊̏̿̚!̶͔̻͇̥͎̒͊̅͘’

They’ll live with your words wearing on them forever.

“Siffrin, it’s okay, you don’t have to say it right away.”

They whine and begin to pull away. Their chest is heaving. The room is starting to spin. Stop it. Stop it. Stay in the moment.

“Sif. Breathe with me,” Isabeau’s demand is gentle yet it’s enough to pull their attention to him.

They see him through the tears. He has his hand on his chest. He breathes deeply.

Their head hurts and their hands are shaking and their heart is beating like it's about to explode, so they probably should.

In, and out.

Siffrin tries to copy. He only manages a few shallow gasps at first.

Isabeau doesn’t stop though. He keeps breathing. In and out. He squeezes Siffrin’s hand with each breath.

In. Siffrin closes his eye and inhales. It’s smoother now. He can hear Mirabelle joining in.

Out. He squeezes Isabeau’s hand back.

In. The burning starts to fade.

Out. They can focus on their surroundings more. On the tug of Mirabelle’s fingers in their hair. On the gentle tremble of Isabeau’s hand. On the sounds of their unified breathing.

The echo of their cruel words gets fainter each time, but still crowd the margins of their consciousness.

One more breath.

They slowly open their eye. Isabeau is smiling gently at him.

“Mmmsorry,” Siffrin mumbles.

“It’s okay,” Isabeau assures and Mirabelle hums in agreement.

“I just—” Not again. The tension begins to creep back.

Just say it. It’s no worse than what you’ve already talked about.

"Why'd it... why’d it have to be this time?" they mumble.

"What do you mean?" Isabeau tilts his head.

Another deep breath. "Why'd this loop have to be the one we broke out of? Why this, and not one where I did everything right and you all..." He kicks at the side of the tub, “loved me?"

Isabeau winces. "We do love you now, Sif." They can feel the pain in his voice.

"But I hurt you all so much!”

“Not enough to stop us from loving you.” He squeezes their hand. “Not even close.”

Siffrin’s throat tightens. He paws at the water and watches the bubbles swirl around.

Mirabelle pulls at their hair. "Siffrin, everyone has bad days. People say cruel things they don't really mean to their friends."

Isabeau nods. "Yeah, you just happened to have a really, really long string of really, really bad days. So you only snapping at us now is pretty... urhm... impressive."

Siffrin pops a bubble.

"We really mean it when we say we forgive you, Siffrin." She gives their hair another gentle tug. "And we'll keep reminding you every time we need to."

"But... " They sink against the side. "You said you'll have time to be mad later. So how are you forgiving me so soon?"

Siffrin could sense Mirabelle frowning. "I can forgive you even if I'm still mad! O-or hurt! Just like I can be mad at you and still love you!"

Isabeau nods. "People are just full of conflicting emotions, and it's pretty normal to feel ones that are at odds." He rubs a thumb over Siffrin's scarred knuckles.

"I guess." They pick at a small scab on their forearm until Isabeau puts his other hand over it.

He leans closer. "The important thing is that you're doing what you can to fix it and keep it from happening again."

"What if it does happen again?" They mumble and sink a little further.

"You try harder next time.” He slides his hand up their arm. “And keep trying."

Siffrin mumbles under their breath. "How many times can I mess up before you all hate me?"

Isabeau squeezes their hand. "There's nothing you will do that'll make us hate you. Maybe get mad, or upset—"

"Or worried!" Mira added, picking at her nails.

"Or worried. But we could never hate you. Never. I promise!"

"Siffrin, you know you're such a genuinely good friend, right? We trust that you'll never try to hurt us on purpose. And... we... " She twists a lock of Siffrin's hair around her finger. "You have to trust us to all work things out together if you make a mistake!"

"Yeah!" Isabeau smiles. "You have to trust us too, Sif."

"I do!" Siffrin bolts upright, splashing water over the two of them. "Sorry!"

"Sif! It's okay, it's just water."

Siffrin whines.

Mirabelle pulls his hair and makes them lean back against the tub. They groan softly and move to cover their mouth, but they stop halfway. No point.

"Hehe! Now that we know you like touch, we're gonna make you relax and be nice to yourself! Oh, I mean if that's okay with you! I mean if that's too much it's fine, but we want you to be happy!"

"You make cute noises, Sif," Isabeau blurts out.

"What?"

"What!? Sorry, that just came out!" He covers his mouth. "Mira is right! We're gonna make you care for yourself and be nice and stuff! But only in ways you're comfortable with of course!" His grip tightens and he scratches the back of his head.

The way his cheeks darken and eyes dart around the room is... 

Cute.

"I'm happy to uh... " They sink until their mouth is just above the water. Their knees come up and they pull them closer. "Make more cute noises later, maybe. If it means you'll uh... play with my hair... too."

Isabeau's body jolts and he nearly crushes Siffrin's hand. Mirabelle bites her lip to (poorly) hold back a long 'awwwww'.

"Hahhaha! Yeah, that sounds great! I'll give you a full body massage and everything, I mean if that's what you're okay with obviously I know I've said it before but I just want to make sure you know I'm not gonna do anything too soon or make you uncomfortable I know you said you'll think about it and stuff so it can be a totally platonic massage or none at all but I just want you to know I'm here to make you feel better in whatever way I can!" When he stops he has to catch his breath.

Siffrin holds back a laugh. Isabeau's grip is still rock solid and their hand is beginning to hurt. "Isa," He tries to flex his fingers.

"Oh, oh Sif I'm sorry!" he cries, releasing his grip. Siffrin turns their hand around and makes a fist a few times. The pain fades quickly and they re-link their hand with his.

Isabeau coughs out a laugh. "S-see!? See this is what I mean where you can feel many emotions. Your hand can hurt from my sweaty rock grip but you still love me!" His eyes widen. "R-right?"

Siffrin bites back a snort. Isabeau tugs at his hair. "No, of course not," they say, sticking their tongue out. "Hand hurty is my limit!"

"Nooooooooooooo!" Isabeau cries out and leans back to press the back of his hand to his forehead. "Not the—ACK" The small stool slips out from under him and he goes crashing to the floor, dragging Siffrin out with him. They land hard on top of him and they both wheeze. Soap-suds splatter across Isabeau's face.

Mirabelle jumps up, nearly toppling over as well but only manages to grab the towel bar at the last second.

"Owwie," Siffrin grunts.

"Sif holy crab! I didn't mean to do that I'm so sorry!" Isabeau sounds on the verge of tears. Immediately his hands are on their shoulders and Mira is behind them a second later. It’s cold, it hurts, and they might have soap in their eye but... Isabeau’s warm. They almost don’t want to get up, but before they can even finish the thought Isabeau and Mirabelle are both helping him to his feet. They stumble a bit; their legs are still weak from the shock, but they manage to get their footing. Mira pulls her hands back but Isabeau keeps his grip solid as Siffrin steps back into the water.

Ahh, warm again.

“I am so sorry, Sif. I didn’t mean to keep holding on!” he whines. “... Or to fall in the first place.” He finally lets go of Siffrin only to bury his face in his soapy, wet hands. He groans loudly.

"Isa, it's okay!" They wince and put their hand to a reopened wound but don't stop laughing even as Mirabelle frantically works to close it back up.

More or less okay.

As she finishes and wipes her arm on her brow with a long sigh, Siffrin begins to giggle.

"Ribs hurty too," they wheeze through a bout of laughter.

The muffled sound of stomping catches their attention.

"FRIN! ZA! BELLE! ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE!?"

"Are you being too rough with them Isabeau?" They swear they can hear the smirk in Odile's voice. "In front of Mirabelle, too?"

Isabeau makes a choked sound and turns to the door. "N-no! We aren't doing anything like that!" He whines as Siffrin's laughing grows ever louder. "It's fine!"

Oh stars, it hurts, it hurts so much but they can't stop.

Oh no, you're being weird again. Stop it!

They crack a glance at Mira and Isabeau. They're... 

Trying not to laugh, too?

Isabeau snorts into his hand and joins in, Mira soon after.

He feels tears welling in his eye. He can see them in Isabeau's, too.

"HEY, WHAT'S SO FUNNY" Bonnie yells and smacks their hands against the door. "DID FRIN MAKE A DUMB CRABBING PUN AGAIN?"

Quick, think of one!

"Oh, it's—" Siffrin wheezes. "Uhhh... "

"It appears Sif has really fallen for me!" Isabeau says through giggles.

"BAD! YUCK! THAT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY YOU GUYS BETTER NOT START BEING GROSS ALL THE TIME!"

"Boniface, you're going to burn dinner."

"OH CRAB!" There's a sound of rapidly retreating stomps and then silence.

"Hahha—oww." Siffrin grips their sides again.

"Siffrin, be careful." Mirabelle holds out her hands but stops. Her genuine concern is broken by giggles she can't quite bite back.

They wave a hand at her before wiping his eye. "It's fine." They cough. "I actually feel... better, now." His gaze lands on Isabeau, who’s looking away with a crooked smile and a burning blush.

...Huh?

Isabeau’s shoulders still shake from barely contained laughter. His chest is covered in soap suds, and he is digging his fingers into his wrist.

"Oh, um... Siffrin... " Mirabelle picks something up off the floor and hands it to him.

The washcloth.

"OH!"

Siffrin nearly splashes half the water out of the tub slapping it back over their groin. He pulls his knees back to his chest and winces at the strain.

"Ow."

"Be careful, Sif!" Isabeau does a quick double-take before looking at them again.

Siffrin holds their hand out to him and he takes it. They sway them from side to side.

Mirabelle lets out a small whine. "Madame Odile is probably going to be at our throats if we stretch out your recovery more like this!" She wrings her hands together, then places one on top of Isabeau's. "And I can't imagine how Nille will react if we take longer getting Bonnie back home because of... this!"

Siffrin coughs out a few more chuckles and sighs.

Actually... they think about the things Bonnie has said about Nille. About her suplexing a guy for touching her. About crafting a hammer so big it broke the wall she hung it on.

He fails to suppress a shudder at the thought of her giving him a whole new set of wounds. Despite them becoming unimaginably strong during the loops, they still wouldn’t want to cross an angry and protective sibling.

“Getting cold, Sif?”

They’re snapped back to the present. “Oh, yeah, a bit.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. The water was starting to lose its delightful heat.

"Do you want us to heat it up more or are you done?"

Siffrin mulls it over for a moment. "No, I probably need to lie down after all that," they chuckle.

Isabeau lets out a long whine. "Sif I'm still so sorry about that!"

"Isa," Siffrin squeezes his hand as hard as they can... which is admittedly not very hard with how exhausted he is. "I promise it's fine. I... really needed that laugh." They pull their other hand away from their knees and place it on top of their friends' hands.

"Also, uhm, Isa, " they look away as their face grows hot. "Can you, um... "

"Yeah, what's up Sif?" He leans closer.

"Can you rinse my hair for me?" He looks at Mirabelle. "Oh, i-it's not that you did a bad job at washing my hair or anything! It felt great!"

"I get it, Siffrin," she chuckles. "You did promise him you'd let him help too."

"Wait, I did?"

"No, but you should have!" Isabeau teases in mock offense.

Siffrin pouts. "Well you get to anyway, so here!" He pushes a cup into Isabeau's hands.

"Gasp! You have bestowed upon me the sacred goblet with which I will complete my holy task." He holds it gingerly in his hands and bows to them.

“Of course, my loyal knight.” Siffrin bows back. “There are not many I trust to handle such an arduous task!”

“Did you really have to say ‘gasp’ out loud, Isabeau?” Mirabelle shakes her head with a sigh and a barely restrained smile.

“I sure did!” he hums with a wide smile as he squeezes the suds from Siffrin’s hair.

They take another washcloth to their arms and start scrubbing, smiling.

"Do you want me to get your back, Siffrin?" Mirabelle asks.

"Please," he sighs.

She hums and begins with their shoulders. She rubs gentle circles down his back and is oh-so careful to avoid any visible wounds. Isabeau holds his palm against Siffrin's brow as he pours water over their head. They almost fall asleep right then and there as they’re cared for with such gentleness.

Having so many hands on them felt so... 

Nice.

Much harder to get distracted with dark thoughts with so much going on.

Yet it was getting to the verge of overstimulating. Especially each time he passes his washcloth over the not-fully-healed wounds speckling his arms.

But it's okay. They've waited so long for this. Nothing's perfect, after all.

They move to their chest, then to their legs. He's able to scrub a bit harder now—only old wounds and a few bruises there. He’s definitely working faster than the others. He almost wants to have them help with that too but he doesn’t quite think he’s ready yet.

"Thank you," they breathe.

"Of course," Mirabelle and Isabeau both hum in response.

Just about done. Siffrin finds the stopper with his toe and pops it out.

Isabeau squeezes the water from their hair and they let out another involuntary sigh in response.

They start to stretch their legs as the water drains, remembering at the last moment to slap the washcloth back over their crotch. They suppose Isabeau wouldn't mind seeing what they have but they couldn't subject Mirabelle to the horrors.

"Do you want me to dry your hair too?" Isabeau asks quietly.

"Don't get greedy, Isabeau!" Mira teases with a gentle shove to his soapy shoulder. She makes a face and rinses her hand off in the nearly-drained water.

"Whaaat! I just want to be helpful to our little rogue!"

Siffrin tries to reach for their hat to cover their blush but, once again, grabs empty air.

"I can dry their hair and you can brush it, how about that? Er—" he turns to Siffrin. "If you’re okay with it!"

Siffrin nods stiffly while biting their lip. They shudder from the exposure and Isabeau rushes to grab towels. He drapes one over their shoulders and gets to work on their hair.

"Oh, we should probably get you a change of clothes." Mirabelle eyes the tattered and bloody pile in the corner. She opens the door to find all three sets of their sleeping clothes neatly folded right outside.

"Aww, thank you, Madame!"

"Are you DONE NOW?" Bonnie groans. “Dinner's been done since forever and it's gonna get cold!"

"It hasn't even been ten minutes, Boniface." Odile sighs.

"FOREVER!"

Mirabelle giggles and struggles to close the door with her arms full of clothing.

Isabeau holds his hand out for Siffrin to grab onto and slowly helps them to their feet. Steam wafts off from their shaking legs. They hang on tighter and step out, but don’t let go of Isabeau for another moment.

“You okay?” he asks softly.

“Yeah.” They nod. They let go but hover their hands over his forearm for a moment until they can calm the shaking of their legs enough. He towels himself off and slips into his soft, clean night clothes while Mirabelle and Isabeau switch into theirs. It’s barely a second after they finish before Isabeau is back to drying their hair.

Their knees grow weak and they lean against him.

"Whoa, Sif. Let's get you to bed. We can eat there too."

Siffrin stumbles upright and nods. "Sounds good. I uh... think I could sleep for a year."

"Hah, I think we all could." He takes Siffrin by the shoulders and guides them over to the bed. He flops down halfway on it and both Isabeau and Mirabelle have to maneuver his limp noodle of a body into a more comfortable position. They wrap him up in many blankets and settle in on either side of him. Bonnie and Odile arrive soon after with plates piled high with food.

Siffrin smiles and leans his head against Isabeau’s chest.

Warm.

[cpvnksabm]

Please stop trying to "fix" RTC's disability rep without doing prior research, especially if you are able-bodied.

I'm not just saying this because, on principle, I think it's important to centre & uplift disabled voices in discussions of disability representation. I'm saying it because in practice, I've noticed that when people take the "canon sucked so I'm just going to change it" approach to Ricky's depiction in RTC, they frequently end up erasing the parts of canon's representation that were valuable and important to me, sometimes doing things that are worse than canon.

It's important for a fandom to be able to recognise canon's flaws, especially in its depictions of serious topics. But I often feel that the discussion of criticising RTC's disability rep is dominated by people who haven't done a lot of research or don't understand the issue.

I've found that most of the things I actually consider objective flaws in RTC's disability representation are incredibly underdiscussed. Instead, criticism tends to focus on a few specific points, most of which are things I don't agree with or things that are just objectively wrong. For example - it was not ableist to remove the scene where Ricky concedes the competition. At all. I could even argue that this was a positive change, but it gets lumped in with the more ableist script changes (the 2022 rewrites removing Ricky's disability) simply because both happened after the most popular proshot was released in 2016.

Another criticism I see frequently is the idea that canon should have named Ricky's specific disability and was bad rep for not doing so. I understand the idea behind this and somewhat agree with it, but I also think it's more complicated than most people give it credit for - Ricky specifically has a rare disease, meaning most of RTC's audience would not be familiar with it, and when the musical was written, the intended "official" watching experience was for people to see it live, in a dark room with their phone turned off. While the majority of the fandom (who got into RTC through bootlegs) would benefit from Ricky's condition having a known name that can be easily googled, I think it makes sense for the the writers to avoid using terms the average audience member wouldn't be familiar with, given they wouldn't be able to Google it unless they remembered it after the show.

This wouldn't be an issue, if not for the fact that fans frequently use "canon wasn't clear enough" as an excuse to erase the things that canon was clear about. There is a big difference between a character having some sort of "blank slate mystery disease", leaving it entirely up to the fandom to decide what disability he has, and a character who is explicitly said to have a rare degenerative disease with a clearly shown set of symptoms, without the exact name of the disease being mentioned.

I think part of the issue here is a lack of awareness. Many people don't understand how one disease would cause both Ricky's inability to speak and his need for mobility aids, and so they assume canon must have just chosen these symptoms at random. And since "choosing symptoms at random" isn't exactly a great approach to disability depiction, these fans then try to "fix" canon by coming up with separate plausible explanations for Ricky's symptoms.

But the fact is that Ricky's symptoms were not chosen at random - they are in line with symptoms that are caused by real-world neuromuscular disorders. This is heavily implied to be the type of disability Ricky has (I've made a post explaining why, check it out on my account if you want).

Seeing erasure of Ricky's disability is always upsetting, but it's even more upsetting when it comes from people who think they are "fixing" canon by removing "unrealistic" depictions of disability. A person being unable to talk and a mobility aid user due to neuromuscular disability is not unrealistic. Just because you aren't already aware of how something can exist, doesn't mean it is unrealistic.

And there are other issues too, such as whether the "feed him through a tube" meant anything with regard to ricky actually having a feeding tube or generally how well canon handled ocean's ableism, where I feel like people are too quick to jump to "I don't know why canon did that, must be bad representation, I'll fix it" without fully understanding the issue. And if you try to "fix" canon without understanding where it went wrong, you might just make it worse.

I just think it's time for everyone to step back a bit and remember that it's okay to not know everything. Ricky is a character with an underrepresented disability, and it makes sense that some things about him might not be things you've seen before or things you understand well. It's okay to be confused. It only becomes a problem when people make assumptions and then spread these assumptions without fact-checking.

It's very easy for misinformation to get spread online. One person makes a claim in a post, and other people just believe it without fact-checking, because they don't see why the OP would lie about it. And often OP isn't lying at all, but they may be misunderstanding something. A lot of the time, complex subjects like disability representation can be accidentally stripped of important nuance in a game of telephone, when a discussion aimed at one group of people gets taken out of context. And the 2017/2018 RTC scripts frequently get lumped in with the ableist post-2022 script, purely because they both come after the most popular version (the 2016 proshot bootleg).

So before you try to "fix" RTC's disability representation, I think it's important to take a step back and think about what you think RTC originally did wrong. What makes you think these parts were wrong? If it's simply because you don't understand it, or because other people have called it bad representation but you don't understand why, it's time to do some more research to figure out how to best fix it. Otherwise, you might do something that is also bad representation, or plain erasure - and you might do this in an attempt to "fix" one of the things that RTC actually did a good job of originally.

My asks are always open if you're interested in hearing one disabled person's perspective on how RTC handled a specific topic. Please do not assume you don't need to ask because you already know what my perspective will be, and please don't feel like you're bothering me by sending an ask. I am much less bothered by good-faith questions than by people speaking over me, even unintentionally, or taking it for granted that i'll agree with their views.

I think getting a disabled perspective is incredibly important if you're planning on changing any aspect of ricky's disabilty in fanworks - there is a fine line between genuinely improving on canon's flawed rep, and just erasing canon's rep (including the good parts) and excusing it with "well it was bad representation anyway". Remember, disability erasure isn't only when a disabled character is made completely abled - it is possible to erase an aspect of ricky's disability even if he is still disabled.

This is a little more blunt than my usual posts, but it is very important. Thank you so much for reading.

[luneytodd]

I’m about to start fist fighting mfs in the mouthwashing fandom because everyone likes to give me shit when I say “Curly should’ve thrown Jimmy in the cryopod when he learned about what he was doing to Anya” BUT NOBODY HAS GIVEN ME A VALID REASON AS TO WHY HE COULDN’T HAVE

“tHeY nEeD a cO-piLoT” THEY HAD AN AUTOPILOT!!! One that seemingly worked pretty well too until SOMEBODY got his hands on it. Also you mean to tell me they had a gun on the ship in case of “unrest among crew members” but absolutely NO backup plan in case something happened to the co pilot?? I find that outrageously hard to believe.

“WhY WoUlD tHeY giVE tHe oNLy sUrviVAL pOd To a RaPiSt?” I’m going to spit in your face. I’ve heard this argument so many times it has actually killed my brain cells. So in case this wasn’t 100% clear for whatever reason my suggestion is that they would do this course of action *before* he crashed the ship when there were still (correct me if I’m wrong with this number cause I don’t remember the exact details) THREE working pods, not one. Ideally, Curly would’ve done this as soon as Anya told him about the abuse but the second best time in my opinion would’ve been when Jimmy went on the whole “kill everyone, leave us as martyrs” rant. I don’t give a single fuck what any of you dense motherfuckers say to me ever if MY FRIEND approached me and threatened not only my life but the lives of every single one of my coworkers I’d charge tackle his ass into the pod myself, or at least bribe Swansea to do it.

“tHeY wOuLdn’T gEt pAiD fOr tHe JoB bEcAuSE OF ThE uNNeCeSSArY pOd UsAgE” First of all, fuck you. Genuinely. Second of all, THEY’RE ALL FIRED!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!! INDUSTRY WENT BYE BYE!!! For all intents and purposes, that paycheck would’ve been the filler between this venture and the next. Would losing that be absolutely devastating for some of the people involved? It’s very possible. I don’t know their individual financial statuses and I’m not gonna stand here and argue “they all would’ve been completely fine without the money”. But you know what’s even more devastating than losing your financial safety net? LOSING YOUR GODDAMN LIVES!!! Also in general if you’re prioritizing your own financial interests over the health and wellbeing of the people around you, you are scum arguing for scummy shit and I reiterate my earlier “Fuck you” with an additional “go to hell” just for emphasis. I don’t think a lot of people are making this argument because I’m literally sourcing it from a few randos on tik tok but goddamn if your views align with these particular tik tok randos please for the love of god just block me cause I despise you and everything you stand for.

And like the thing I really want to get across with this entire rant is that I don’t think Curly specifically was an awful person for not taking the absolute most drastic measures every single time Jimmy said some fucked up bullshit. But I’m so so SO over the trend of people acting like he was perfect and there was absolutely nothing he could’ve said or done because Jimmy is this master manipulator who was pulling the strings the entire time cause I also think that’s also total bullshit. I think there were a lot of opportunities to recognize the red flags and I am so fucking tired of this fandom acting like he couldn’t have done something- LITERALLY ANYTHING to help.

[starstruck358]

ok so

I knoww about taranza and susie doing almost the same thing but like. don't. be like. going on for hate for the both of them. like real hate.

I get it and stuff, like saying "I hate it, I love them so much <3" but I don't really care because being a susie and taranza fan it hurts, idgaf if it's being silly.

I don't like seeing my two characters from my fav childhood games being punished, I know they're not real and crap but, I just wanna rant about it.

so from now on taranza haters and susie haters please, shoo, don't even argue with me. I just don't even LIKE seeing people talk about them in a rude way even though they're joking, because idc I just want my blorbos ok after what they went through.

"but taranza isn't friendly and he's the worst to engage with!" "Susie is just a sassy girl who only wanted to get rid of her father and take over and-"

nope shut up go away I don't care about cannon shit that's why we do headcannons and au's.

that's all I wanted to say, I didn't want to talk about this because I had a feeling people would think I'm crazy or some stupid person, but I need to atleast have this taken off of my chest.

[highlyentropicmind]

Nice, well said. I needed that. Let me tell you what other stupid things I thought of the show and you can help me think right

I always thought it was cool how after being helped by a prince, Utena wanted to become a prince instead of a princess. She wanted to help people the way she was helped

Of course it later turns out the "prince" she met was Akio and he was just manipulating her the whole time, which could have lead Utena to abandon her dreams and ideals entirely, but it doesn't. Maybe her ideals change, maybe she realizes that she's weak after all, that one person can't fix all the problems... But that she can still try, and that whenever she's not strong enough she can count on her friends

In the end Akio thinks the ritual failed and Utena failed, but he's wrong. The ritual succeeded and that's precisely why Anthy is able to leave

Later when Anthy comes back the reason the academy seems to weird is because the "pocket dimension" of Ohtori academy is falling apart, because it needed the power of Akio and Anthy

Akio and Anthy are some kind of deities, and such they are not bound by time like humans are. Their struggle happened in the past, in the present, and in the future, and yet it is already over

The shadow puppets are some other deities or spirits observing the ritual

Cars represent sex in the show

"The revolution of the world" can be interpreted in two ways. A revolution that goes back to the start, like the time loop they are in, or a radical change

A big part of the show is just about grooming, abusive relationships, and how hard they are to overcome. Nearly every character is in some abusive relationship of some kind, in some sense trapped by their love to someone else

Interestingly many of the abusers are also abused themselves, showing how victims can tragically become abusers

The show has a lot to say about how to escape such relationships but in general the show seems to argue that the most important thing is to love oneself and not define our identities based on our relationships with others

These are just a few. I've had more ideas about this show over the years, but I'm sure all of them are completely and utterly despicable, pathetic, absurd, disgusting, laughable, and which just incite pithy into anyone with basic human empathy, but thankfully you are finally here to set me straight

I'm eager to learn everything that I thought and felt wrong. Please help me. I want to think and feel right like you do

I still think about this. It's absolutely true for our world as well.

[kiragecko]

Rating Post-Resurrection (but pre-nu52) Jason Todds

Hush(/Clayface/Jason Todd) - eh. Good instincts for drama. Good insults. You're fine, but it was easy to believe you were an imposter. Plot is ridiculous. (Personality 1) 7/10

Under the Hood/Family Reunion/Franchise/All They Do is Watch Us Kill - I mean ... yeah. You're what I think of when I think of Jason Todd. You define the character. Also, you ARE really funny with Black Mask. (Personality 2) 8/10

Life and Death (Titans Tower) - okay. YOU are not necessarily the problem here. The problem is that the author doesn't understand Tim or what happened in the comics he's referencing AT ALL, and puts the most nonsensical words into your mouth as a result. Also misunderstands the New Teen Titans. And you're drawn really ugly. Under all the retcons and nonsense there is SOME okay characterization, though! (Personality 3) 4/10

World War III - never plan on reading this.

Daedalus and Icarus (Summary of Jason's Return) - This is a recap, but it's a recap of things we haven't been shown. Recaps aren't stories, so it isn't GOOD, but it does have some puzzle pieces. (Personality 2) 3/10

Pay As You Go (Outsiders) - you try SO HARD! All you do this arc is try to help a superhero and get beaten up by Dick. Maybe a bit of standing around being awkward because you don't know how to break into the securest prison on the planet. You are being very fanon Jason this arc. (Personality 4) 5/10

Brothers in Blood (Nightwing) - you're ugly, you're mean, you're dumb, and you turn into a tentacle monster. An UGLY tentacle monster. I enjoy laughing at you! (Personality 5) 2/10

Seeing Red - this arc is SO FUN. You are unhinged, but I would have LIKED if this turned out to be who you are. You truly think that blowing up Mia's gym is HELPING!!! Delightful and silly and I like the talking ape. Go hang out with the Arrows more. (Personality 3) 8/10

Countdown - you remain my favorite post-resurrection version. Love you as an insecure, immature kid trying to impress your big brother's friend. Love how young you are. Love how emotionally fragile you are. Love all the pretending to be tough. This would have ALSO been a great version for other authours to run with! (Personality 4) 9/10

Search for a Hero - I HATE EVERY THOUGHT TIM HAS ABOUT YOU IN THIS ARC! Why does the authour think so little of you?? You are not dumb and brutish and I refuse to believe this slander. Your expressions when you see someone in your Red Robin costume, AND when Tim turns down your 'awesome' team up plan, both belong in an arc that respects you more. (Personality 3) 4/10

Robin Dies at Dawn - see, this is how people should write you interacting with Tim. I want him to take you on as a project, and everyone to recognize that this is both condescending and not healthy behaviour. I guess YOU don't actually do much, though. How is this the next issue? (Personality 3) 7/10

Battle for the Cowl - shouldn't there be editors? People to say, "this authour isn't very good and maybe these characters should act like themselves?" I want comics to be better. (Personality 4) 3/10

Revenge of the Red Hood/The Streets Run Red - I don't read Morrison, but I've seen a bunch of panels. Wrong sort of unhinged, in my opinion. I prefer you to be trying to help people, not win some sort of messed up contest with the Bats. (Personality 6) 5/10

Red Hood: The Lost Days - look, I'm not here for your thighs, your daddy issues, or your revenge fantasies. I am here for your truly unhinged attempts at bonding with others, and the sincere confusion you seem to have when they don't work. This is good, but not for me. There's not even any ridiculously large crates of kryptonite! (Personality 2) 7/10

[basilbots]

Holds up Eclipse now that eaps is going into his Moon memories a lot I wanna talk about how I interpret what an Eclipse is made of (and some of the others).

Eclipse has some of Moon's memories, but he is a kill code infected Sun code wise. And this isn't entirely unfounded, despite Sun still having the moon mode available to him Eclipse has only ever shown up as a solar model, implying that yes he was influenced by Sun's code or else he would have just been a Moon. Eclipse was split from Moon but most of what got split was the kill code specifically, and Sun filled in the gap where Moon's code would be.

This explains his appearance and voice (being able to mimic Sun + sharing some vocal quirks because same va), but also gives me free reign to have Eclipse and Sun share many traits. Which is very fun to me and that + Eclipse being in Sun's head in a different way than Moon means they are more alike and can understand each other more than they'd ever like to admit. Though this isn't always positive since it also means we get Sun snapping and viewing Eclipse as the worst extension of himself he needs to destroy, or Eclipse projecting on Sunpea and making his flaws seem harsher than they actually are. Lunar and Bloodmoon are different than Eclipse but the same thing applies. They are mostly Moon code wise and canonically share traits (all moon models sharing the same phobias and Lunar and Moon both having the same opinion on jam I think(?) being mentioned). Eclipse used Sun for inspiration for Lunar but he was primarily influenced by Moon's code in his head. This is purely hc but least one BM twin has some Sun code influence from being made in his head, but it's so little that traits aren't obvious and they can't mimic him (unlike Eclipse even though they all have the same va) while the other can mimic Moon.

[satyrradio]

ngl it is very disheartening when I see a positive post from a queer Christian, go into the notes, and just see other queer folks shitting on the OP for being a queer Christian. You aren't making the world any better, you're just being an asshole.

[moeblob]

explaining to a coworker I don't socialize out of work bc of The Anxiety. then later explaining why i have gray in my hair.... it's... still The Anxieties...... goin' gray since my early 20s........

[thecranekick]

hey so maybe i have a horrible memory and there’s a perfectly good reason for this that i can’t remember. but now that i think about it why did they have chozen take johnny around to look at rentals as if he’s chozen’s child that has never been on his own before and can’t handle normal human interaction. why would johnny not have gone with carmen, miguel, and robby to look at houses considering they’re presumably the ones that are going to live there and raise a newborn there?????? why do they all (and the writers in general) treat johnny like he’s completely incapable of doing anything ever???????

like i get that if the whole show was 100% realistic we wouldn’t really have a show (because let’s be honest, 90% of this show would just Never Happen), and i get the ‘comedic’ value of those scenes i guess, but come onnnnnn pleaaaaaase

[monsterfuckermilligan]

i have a theory that the baby!jack fanaticism in the fandom partly comes from the fact that on june 26th, 2017 (less than two months after jack was introduced as a character) the us supreme court ruled that queer couples were allowed to adopt in all 50 states. so naturally, as kelly died giving birth to jack, dean was in the midst of his widower arc, and the fandom thought that jack was going to be a baby, we had a wave of romanticization of infant adoption for destiel.