#... but if i do go out seeking interaction ill get ignored or be the only person who actually initiates again. Lol! the cycle never breaks!

[toxifoxx]

local man realizes he has to actually interact with people if he wants to be interacted with

[sasori-rp]

Do's and Don't's with Hate-Comments

In the wake of recent events, I was inspired to create this blog as a guideline for all those who struggle with this. I'm sure many of you (if not everyone) has received some form of hate in the past.

They come in the shape of anonymous asks, vicious comments, reblog rants and DMs and go far beyond this platform. It's important to share knowledge on how to deal with the situation in a healthy and mature manner, that allows you to preserve your mental health and sanity.

So without further ado, let's get into this, shall we?

Quick Info

Before we start with the Do's and Dont's I want to give you a quick disclaimer on what we're dealing with here. Keeping this in mind, will hopefully help you stay grounded and prepared.

People who send hate - we'll call them Haters for simplicity - are energy vampires. They're usually deeply unhappy people who lack self confidence and carry a lot of frustration in their hearts. This can be because they dislike how the world is evolving, because they get mistreated at home or simply because their hormones are overwhelming and they haven't learnt how to subtract their emotions when criticising something they disagree with.

When they send you hate, it releases adrenaline in their body, a so called kick that they use to vent their frustration. Anyone who has been angry in their life before knows, how satisfying it feels in the moment, to tell the other person how much of a dick we think they are. You probably also know the excitement of getting a reply (even a positive one) when reaching out to a celebrity, a blog or your crush for example. This feeling of excitement is what they look for.

The more vicious the comment, the better they feel when not only getting a reaction from you, but also safely getting away with it. Because truth be told, no hater has the courage to insult you in person. They're anonymous, so they don't have to face the consequences of their own actions. They're getting entertainment in the safety of their own homes, while you suffer.

So, what can we do about it?

Do

If the harrassment continues, block the user.

The first thing you should do when receiving a nasty comment, is delete and ignore. That is your default reaction. Your time and wellbeing is sacred. Do not waste your energy by interacting with them. Giving them attention will only increase their actions. Do not respond to them. Only exception: you can think of a genuinely hilarious, humorous answer to it. You're then using their hate and turn it into fun and play, making it a positive experience for you. (Dissing is not humour in this scenario)

Take a break and take care of yourself. Surround yourself with kind people, do something you enjoy. Don't allow it to consume you. Self Care is very important to staying balanced. Eat healthy, sleep well and don't overwork yourself.

Reach out to friends. Asking for help is human. Allowing your friends to comfort you, will help you feel less alone.

Reach out to a helpline. Sometimes we don't have someone to confide in. There are helplines where you can pour your heart out and get advice from.

If you feel that your mental health is deteriorating, seek help from a therapist. They can give you tools to navigate your feelings and will help you sort your inner battle out. Seeing a therapist is not a weakness; it shows you're willing to make an active change for your health. Props you you, I'm the first one cheering you on!

If the harrassment still continues and threats are made that make you genuinely fear for your safety, reach out to Tumblr Staff and/or the police.

Spread love and kindness. I cannot stress this enough: Do you want to know how to really combat hate? Be happy. Live your best life and create beauty. Give kindness to others and don't let someone's ill intent poison your own. It's that easy. Because nothing in this world disarms hate like genuine care and understanding, confidence in your own worth and awareness of your value.

Don't:

Don't try to justify yourself in response to them. Haters are not here to communicate and find a solution. They will not listen to reason; you can use your time for better things.

Don't insult them back. The argument will quickly spiral out of control. And this is the internet. Someone will use what you said against you. Don't let your anger dictate your actions

Don't post hate posts and rants talking about them. Don't post hate and rants in general. It feels cathartic in the moment, but it will bite you in the ass later. (It also, again, gives them much more attention that they deserve. Do you really want to be their entertainment?)

Don't do any of the above things to protect your friends, either. Friends are here to support you, to give you a shoulder to cry on and cheer you on. Not to tear others down. Regardless of wether they deserve it or not. It's going to backfire, trust me. Stand up for them, yes. Stand up for them by lifting them up, not by tearing down others.

Don't start bashing their account with hate in retaliation

-> Lastly, it's okay to make mistakes.

Don't tear yourself down over you being a human being and extend the same grace to others too. Apologising doesn't make you weaker, it shows that you're mature and willing to learn. And forgiveness is never about you forgetting what happened, but making peace with it; freeing your mind and heart from it, so you can move forward.

I hope this blog helps you make a difference for your life and that of others. Remember, you're a valid, worthy human being deserving of love and kindness. And so is everyone around you.

As always, my DMs are open for questions and discussions. Please try to not spam the comments too much, it gets confusing to detangle. I wish you all a lovely day/night💜

Thank you all for listening!

@izumi-uchiha-anon

@kisame-hoshigaki-rp

[lendeah]

UNBOUND

Chapter 2: The Thunderstaff Legacy

series masterlist

Summary: After months of separation, Neri reunites with her family, and the burdens of her responsibilities as the Heir resurface. Her sole escape appears to be through her magical research, which Gale, due to a mysterious illness, has been neglecting.

Pairing: Gale x OFC!Reader

Tags: Slow Burn, Mentor/Protégé, but everything is healthy I promise, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soft Gale (Baldur's Gate), Gale Needs a Hug (Baldur's Gate), Professor Gale (Baldur's Gate)

Word count: 4.8k

AO3 LINK

Chapter 2! Everything is starting to come together in my head. This chapter is especially background plot filled, but I promise from this point on things will start to get more dynamic! Also there will be more Gale and Neri interactions as they delve into the research :)

"The Karsus Weave!? Are you completely out of your mind!?"

But Neri merely rolled her eyes and focused on her work, undisturbed by the reaction. She was jotting down notes as Corlin poked at the burnt robotic piece on the table with different magical instruments, filling the laboratory with a strong smell of sulphur. Eiruk stood beside her, amazed by Neri's calm demeanour despite his disbelief.

"You know Vanja wouldn't approve of this research, right? How in the nine hells are you even going to locate those stones?!" Eiruk continued rambling.

"Vanja is no longer my mentor, so everything will be okay," she said as she continued lazily scribbling on her page. The piece they were working on seemed to combine a necrotic curse and a fire spell, causing it to decay while simultaneously burning. Despite its deteriorating state, the piece somehow managed to continuously repair itself, suggesting there probably was something hidden within it.

"Neri, you know how dangerous it is to meddle with the weave and its godly power," Eiruk exclaimed frantically. "Your new mentor will only lead you to your death, right before graduation! And then who will choose my suit? Corlin? He can't even tie his own shoestrings!" He gestured wildly to the other student sitting next to them.

Colin gazed up at her, his gold-trimmed glasses precariously balanced on the tip of his nose, and gave a gentle smile.

"Well, I think it's a thrilling opportunity. You have the potential to revolutionize our understanding of the weave and magic itself. Not everyone gets that chance," he remarked, pointedly disregarding the other boy. Eiruk sulked in response.

"Indeed, Colin. And it is not about seeking godly power, Eiruk. Think of the implications this research could have on the field of magical study!" Neri exclaimed passionately.

"But we're discussing the Karsus Weave... Do you recall what happened to Karsus and his empire? It was decimated! All because they got involved in matters that should have been left alone!" Eiruk worriedly rambled, running a hand through his black curls in agitation.

Colin rolled his eyes, "Of course, but that was thousands of years ago Eiruk. That doesn't imply the same is going to happen now."

"Exactly! And besides, Gale wouldn't have chosen this path if he thought it was too dangerous." She smiled at Corlin, as he nodded in agreement, green eyes sparkling as he returned her grateful smile. "He's smarter than that."

Eiruk seemed unimpressed by her optimism. "Well, the road to the Nine Hells is paved with good intentions," he muttered, crossing his arms.

Ignoring Eiruk's negativity, she turned to Corlin again. "Corlin, I need your assistance with something."

The younger boy immediately perked up, "Yes! What do you need?"

Eiruk huffed in frustration and left them to go retrieve something from the bookshelf nearby.

She pointed at the robotic piece on the table. "This piece seems to be enchanted with some form of self-repairing spell. Can you use your magic detection tools to analyse its composition?"

“Yes, mam!” Corlin eagerly grabbed his tool kit and got to work. As he did so, Neri found herself thinking about Gale once again. After their first meeting a few days ago, he hadn't called for her again, leaving her feeling slightly anxious. Maybe he regretted choosing her as his apprentice? Or maybe he was just busy with another research?

Just as she was about to dive even further into her thoughts, a gentle tickle on the back of her neck snapped her back to reality; someone was sending her a message. Her heart raced with anticipation, hoping it was her long-awaited mentor reaching out to her. A deep voice spoke inside her mind:

"Lady Neriyra Thunderstaff, you have been requested for a meeting with Lord Baerom Thunderstaff II. A carriage will arrive to collect you before the clock strikes noon."

Ice ran through her veins as the message ended. She hadn't expected this summons so soon. It had been months since she last saw her family, and it was never a pleasant experience. She realized it must have been at least half a year since she left the Estate in a whirlwind, hoping she didn't have to return until after her graduation. Their relationship was always tense, to put it mildly. She constantly clashed with their expectations for her as the heir, and she was sure this visit would be no exception.

"Neri? Are you okay?" Colin's gentle voice brought her back to reality. The blonde boy was looking at her with concern in his eyes.

Neri took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. "I'm fine. Just... a little distracted." She forced a smile, hoping it was convincing enough.

But Corlin wasn't fooled. He knew her well enough to know when something was bothering her. "Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked sincerely.

Neri shook her head. "No, thank you. I just... need to take care of some family business."

Corlin's expression turned sympathetic. He knew about the strained relationship between Neri and her family, and he could sense that this sudden meeting was causing her distress. Eiruk, who had just returned, raised an eyebrow teasingly. "Leaving so soon? I might have to report this to Vanja."

Neri smirked at him. "I'll just tell her about what happened last night, then we'll be even."

With that, she excused herself from the group and headed out of the laboratory. As she walked, she tried to calm her nerves and conjured a dimensional door that led directly to her room; she didn't want to waste any more time climbing all eight flights of stairs.

After entering her room, she unlocked the closet, which was magically designed to appear small but held all her clothing and more. She located one of the red and black floor-length dresses that she had been gifted for these events and reluctantly put it on. With a sigh, she released the messy black braided bun she typically wore for work and fashioned her hair into a tidy crown of braids. She added some silver chains and earrings to complete the look. But the most crucial part was concealing her pointed ears within the elaborate braids - a skill she had mastered since childhood.

As the sun began to set and evening descended upon the bustling city, Neri took a deep breath and pushed all doubts and fears aside, putting on a façade of confidence as she greeted the carriage driver on the marble stairs of the academy. The grand carriage was adorned with opulent red and black velvet and intricately woven silver trimmings, every detail paying homage to her prestigious house. She settled into the plush seat and gazed out the window, watching as the passing streets slowly transformed from the middling academy district to the more refined North Ward where her family's estate awaited her arrival.

As they approached, Neri could feel her anxiety rising again. The grand mansion stood tall and intimidating against the rolling hills of green grass. The carriage came to a stop in front of a massive iron gate adorned with intricate silver weaponry patterns, signifying the Thunderstaff family crest. Neri's mind raced with conflicting emotions - fear and nostalgia clashed within her as she stepped out onto the familiar gravel drive, leading up to the entrance of her childhood home. She wasn't sure if she was ready to face what awaited her behind those doors.

Neri walked up the familiar marble steps that led to the grand entrance of her family's mansion. Two guards bowed at her arrival; they must have been new, as she didn’t recognize their faces. They opened the massive oak wood doors, revealing a lavish hall adorned with gold and silver décor and opulent crystal chandeliers hanging from the high ceilings. Neri walked through the grand entryway, passing by familiar paintings and statues that she had grown up seeing. Memories flooded back, of two children running around the granite floors, throwing cantrips at each other, laughter reverberating in the tall walls. A wave of nostalgia washed over her as she walked towards the dining room, where she knew her family members would be gathered. The sound of their low chatter could be heard from outside, filling her with dread.

She took a moment to collect herself, before stepping into the grand dining room. A hush fell over the space. The only sound was the soft rustle of fabric and the shuffle of feet as she made her way to the centre. Her head bowed in respect, and she took in the scene before her. Her grandfather was just as she remembered; sharp features and piercing hazel eyes, as he stood at the head of the long table. To his left was her aunt Marle, her chestnut curls tumbling down her shoulders in perfect waves, a small smile on her lips. Neri's uncle, a tall man with broad shoulders and a thick beard, sat next to her aunt, his eyes locked on Neri. Neri's heart skipped a beat at the sight of her father sitting on her grandfather's right side, his expression as stern and unyielding as ever. Her mother Lynx was seated next to him, radiating beauty and elegance in a deep red gown embroidered with silver thread and adorned with glittering jewels. Her mother's dark hair was swept up into an intricate updo, hiding her pointed elven ears from view, just like she had hid hers. Neri couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness as she glanced at the empty seat where her sister Lila should have been, but she quickly masked any sorrow with grace and poise.

"You are late, Neriyra."

She slowly raised her head to meet her grandfather's gaze.

"Please forgive my tardiness, Lord Baerom," she spoke calmly and without falter.

Her grandfather's sharp gaze seemed to pierce through her very being, but Neri held her ground and refused to look away. She was well aware that he was testing her, as he always did. Despite their complicated relationship, a part of her had always yearned for his approval, even if it came in the way of glancing duels.

"You are fully aware of the importance of punctuality in our family," he said icily. "But I doubt you have any concern for our relatives or their affairs. You have always been a disappointment as an heir after all."

Neri winced as his words landed with a familiar sting. She had heard this same criticism too many times before. Ever since her sister Lila vanished without a trace, she had felt even more like an outsider in her own family - a feeling that seemed to only intensify with time.

"On the contrary, Grandfather," she replied calmly. "I am fully committed to our family and its legacy. I understand the importance of punctuality and I apologize for my delay."

Her grandfather's expression remained stoic, revealing nothing of his thoughts.

"Excuses, Neri. You always have an excuse," he retorted. "Your father was the same, always making promises he couldn't keep. I had hoped you would be different, but I guess I should've known. You are of another kin, after all."

Neri felt a flash of anger at her grandfather's words, but she quickly schooled her features into a neutral expression. Her grandfather constantly reminded her that she was the sole potential heir to the Thunderstaff House, much to his dismay. He had removed his own father from the will when he married her mother. In contrast, her aunt was unable to conceive, which had been a source of criticism from their grandfather throughout her entire life. And her sister Lila...

Neri spoke confidently, "Grandfather, I want to assure you that I will do everything in my power to keep my promise to both you and House Thunderstaff. I am determined to prove myself as a worthy heir."

Her grandfather's expression softened slightly at her words, but his tone remained stern. "That remains to be seen, Neriyra," he said. "Take a seat."

As Neri settled into her seat next to her mother, she couldn't help but feel a pang of emotion. It had been far too long since they had been together in the same room. Her mother's smile was warm and comforting. She squeezed her hand tightly under the table, a silent reassurance that everything would be okay. As for her father, he remained stoic and distant, not even sparing a glance in her direction. Not that she expected it anyway. She guessed he would probably stay silent for the whole affair, as he always seemed to do. A familiar ache settled in her chest as she realized how much their relationship had deteriorated over the years. But for now, she pushed it aside and focused on the comforting touch of her mother's hand in hers.

Her grandfather cleared his throat, bringing everyone's attention back to him. "Now, shall the dinner begin."

The servants brought out familiar dishes that she hadn't tasted in years - spit-roasted fowl, glazed root vegetables, and a crystal decanter of their private reserve wine. She watched silently as her mother served the food onto her plate, avoiding eye contact with everyone. She couldn't help but notice the stark contrast between her and her parents. Her mother, who still looked young and radiant because of her elven nature, could easily be mistaken for Neri's sister with her silky black hair and eyes like deep pools of onyx. Her father, on the other hand, had the typical Thunderstaff features - dark brown hair, tanned skin, sharp features, and hazel eyes.

It was crushing when she was born, as Baerom's last glimmer of hope had been for her to resemble a Thunderstaff despite her origin. However, she inherited moon elf traits from her mother. Another reason for him to despise her, she supposed.

The air was thick with tension and unspoken words. The silence was broken only by the clinking of silverware and occasional small talk from her aunt Marle and her husband. Neri picked at her food, lost in thought.

"Have you been keeping up with your studies?" Her grandfather's question cut through the hum of conversation like a knife.

"Of course, Grandfather," Neri replied smoothly, receiving an approving nod from her mother. "I have recently mastered appertaining Ravenous Void."

"That is...adequate for a woman," he conceded after a moment. "However, you know our family expects you to complete your studies quickly and follow in the footsteps of your father and myself by joining the military. Theoretical knowledge is nothing if you don't put it to good use."

Neri felt her stomach drop at the mention of the militia. It was a topic that had been constantly drilled into her since she was old enough to understand. As the first child and heir to the Thunderstaff legacy, it was expected of her to continue the family tradition of mastering evocation magic and serving in the Waterdhavian military as a general or high-ranking official. For so long she had wanted to shout, to demand to be heard about her true desires, but she knew it would be futile. They had had this conversation over a hundred times, all of them with the same outcome.

So instead, she offered a polite smile and nodded obediently. "I will do my best to uphold our family's reputation, Grandfather."

He nodded curtly before resuming his meal until he spoke up again. “I spoke with Stedd Moonstar recently. Your union with Helion will happen earlier than anticipated."

Neri paused mid-bite, her fork hovering in the air as she processed her grandfather's words. So that was what this dinner was really about. Neri's heart began to race as she looked around the table at her family. Her parents remained stoic, keeping their eyes trained on their plates. Her aunt Marle looked worried, her brow furrowed in concern. But it was Grandfather Baerom who held her gaze, his piercing eyes locked onto hers.

"What do you mean, Grandfather?" Neri asked, trying to keep the panic out of her voice.

Baerom took a sip of wine before answering.

"Although we planned to wait until your graduation for the formal ceremony, the Absolute's destruction of our ranks has left us in urgent need of an economic and power alliance. We must solidify it immediately."

Neri's hand tightened around her fork as she tried to process the information. She had always known about the arrangement between their families, but she had managed to delay it until she finished her studies with the pretence of having to live in the tower. She had hoped she would find a way out by then.

"I-I understand," she managed to choke out, her voice barely above a whisper.

Her mother reached over and placed a comforting hand on hers. "We know this is not what you wanted, but it is for the good of our family and Waterdeep," she said softly.

Neri forced a smile, trying to hide the turmoil inside of her. She knew they were right, but it didn't make the situation any easier for her. It wasn't even because she wanted to get married for love, she just wished she had been given the freedom, the possibility to choose.

Her aunt pointed out, "Lord Moonstar is the only suitable candidate. You two have a similar background, after all."

What she meant was that Helion, like her, was half-elven, and thus the only suitor willing to marry her despite her origin. Her uncle smirked knowingly.

"When will the union take place?" Neri asked, steeling herself for the answer.

"In three months time," Baerom replied firmly. "Lady Moonstar has already begun making preparations."

Neri felt her heart sink as her grandfather's words echoed in her mind. Three months. In just three months, she would be married to a man she barely knew and expected to fulfill her duties as a wife and noblewoman.

The rest of dinner passed by in a haze for Neri. Her thoughts consumed her, making it difficult to focus on the conversations happening around her. Her family discussed wedding plans and political strategies, but Neri found herself unable to contribute. Instead, her mind was filled with schemes and ideas of how to escape her impending marriage. Perhaps if she completed her research ahead of schedule, she could impress Vanja enough to finally secure the title of Blackstaff Heir. In Waterdhavian society, this position held great prestige and influence, particularly among the upper class, even more than the House Heir title. But there was more than just social status on the line. If Neri became the Blackstaff Heir, she would gain enough independent power to potentially change or even break her betrothal agreement with Helion Moonstar. Additionally, securing this position would mean escaping her future in the militia and establishing herself as a respected scholar in the Academy. Excelling in her research with Gale was her last hope for breaking free from a predetermined destiny.

At that moment, her sole objective was to stay focused and keep her family unaware of her true intentions. A fierce determination surged within her, igniting a burning desire to achieve her goal. So, she remained silent and finished her meal.

🔮

Two weeks had passed since Gale had summoned her to the Blackstaff Academy, and still, there was no word from her mentor. Neri found herself growing impatient, constantly checking her sending stone for any messages, or summoning. At that point, she had read every available book about Karsus and the Netherese Empire in the Academy library, studying the rise and fall of the powerful mage who attempted to become a god, spent countless nights practicing her conjuration spells, as Gale had deemed them essential to their investigation. She couldn't help but wonder if his sending stone had broken or if he had met an unfortunate end. The thought sent a chill down her spine – if that were true, all her plans would be thrown out of the window.

Every time she woke up to no word from the wizard, Neri had to resist the temptation to sprint to Gale's tower. Time was slipping away, urging her to take action before it was too late. Her anger and frustration simmered, bubbling with each passing day until it reached a boiling point. Unable to bear the uncertainty any longer, she threw caution to the wind and snuck out of her room in the dead of night. With fire burning in her eyes, she made her way to Gale's tower, determined to confront her mentor.

As she stood at the doorless wall of the tower, bathed in moonlight, Neri hesitated for a moment. But then she thought of all those sleepless nights and days of waiting, and her hesitation turned into determination. She pressed her hand against the symbol, demanding entry with her name, hoping that this time it would open as easily as the first. And fortunately for her, it did. The hidden door slid open with a soft hiss, revealing the familiar interior of Gale's tower. Neri wasted no time and stepped inside, marching up the stairs to Gale's study, ready to unleash her pent-up rage on her mentor. How dare he forget about her? Did the man not understand the urgency of the research? Of course, he didn't know, but her life was on the line!

She finally reached the top of the stairs and entered the room with her chest heaving. The sight halted her movement completely. If the room was a mess the last time she had entered, now it looked as if someone had broken in, attacked both Tara and Gale, and exploded a bomb in the process. Yet, upon closer inspection, she noticed that Gale was sitting on the floor, seemingly meditating, and muttering to himself. Her blood boiled in anger, realizing that this is probably how he had spent the past week while she spent all her time studying and waiting for him to summon her.

"Excuse me, Master Dekarios," Neri exclaimed, hands planted firmly on her hips.

Gale's head snapped up at the sound, his eyes wide with surprise. He quickly scrambled to his feet, nearly tripping over his own robes in the process.

"N-Neri!" he exclaimed, clearly taken aback by her sudden appearance. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here?" Neri repeated, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I came here to see what was taking you so long to contact me."

Gale's brow furrowed in confusion as he looked at her. "Contact you? For what?" he asked, genuinely perplexed.

"For our research," Neri snapped impatiently. "I've been waiting for days for your call, and all this time you were just sitting here meditating? Do you even realize how much time we're wasting?!"

Gale's face fell in realization, and he let out a deep sigh. "Forgive me, Neri. My mind has been preoccupied with myriad affairs. There is much transpiring at present."

"That's no excuse," Neri snapped back, unable to control her frustration any longer. She also had so many things going on in her life, yet she was dedicating her precious time to investigate, not meditate.

Gale held up his hands in surrender. "You're right, it's not, and I apologize for neglecting my duties as your mentor."

Neri took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. It wasn't like her to explode this way, much less at a superior. However, Neri's anger slowly dissipated as she finally took in Gale's exhausted appearance. The man looked about to faint, with his skin sickly pale, purple bags under his eyes, his cheeks hollowed, and his clothes rustled and stained with ink.

"Master Dekarios... Is everything alright?" she asked, concern evident in her tone.

Gale tried to maintain a composed facade, but it was clear that he was struggling. "Merely a minor setback," he replied weakly. "But rest assured, I shall endure. And please, feel free to call me Gale. Only Tara insists on calling me Master Dekarios, much to my chagrin."

Neri hesitated for a moment before taking a seat on the floor next to him.

"Please forgive me for saying this, Mas- Gale, but you don't appear to be doing well," she said softly.

He winced in response, and she noticed a subtle purple aura emanating from his chest that she hadn't seen before. "The truth is, I have been struggling with a certain ailment since I returned from my journeys. However, you can rest assured that it will not impede our research from this point forward."

Was he dealing with an illness? And where had he been before his return? With every passing moment, the man became more of an enigma to her.

She sighed and told him, "How about I start tidying up while you gather all the information you have about the research, and then we can work together to figure out our next steps?"

Gale stared at her for a moment, looking as though he were trying to process her words. He finally nodded, some of the tension leaving his face. "That - that would be appreciated, Neri. Thank you."

For the next hour, Neri busied herself cleaning up the room while Gale tried to organize the mess of papers on his desk, floor and... everywhere, really. She occasionally glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, noticing how he seemed to wince every time he moved too abruptly. Her heart ached a bit at the sight, but she forced herself to focus on the task at hand. She picked up a wooden box that had fallen and placed it back on its shelf. As she put the books and other items back in their places, Neri couldn't help but feel guilty about snapping at him earlier. She had never done so to Vanja in the ten years she had been her apprentice. But then again, Vanja had never been neglectful of her duty as her mentor.

As Neri finished cleaning up the mess in the room with the help of her magic, she couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. The formerly disorganized and cluttered room now had a pristine appearance, complete with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and large windows offering a stunning view of the sea. She turned to look at the wizard, who was now sitting back in his chair, staring intently at a thick tome.

She walked over to him and stood next to his desk, "Gale," she began tentatively, "if you don't mind me asking, where were you before you returned to Waterdeep?"

Gale's hand paused mid-motion as he was flipping through some papers. He took a deep breath before answering. "I was... at Baldur's Gate, fulfilling some unexpected duties. Believe me, you don't want to hear about it right now."

She could sense that there was more to the story, but she didn't press any further. Instead, she gestured towards the stack of papers on his desk. "Shall we begin with our research then?"

Gale nodded and Neri sat down in the chair next to Gale's desk, her quill and notebook in hand.

"As stated before, I will need your help with a location spell. However, for this specific research, I need you to come up with a completely new spell. The usual location spells won't suffice for this matter."

She frowned."How so?"

"The spell I need you to create is a combination of a locating spell and a gate spell. We need to find the exact location of the magical artifact we were researching, but we also need to be able to reach it in order to retrieve it safely."

While Gale went through the intricacies of the spell with Neri, she furrowed her brow in deep concentration. She had some experience with divination magic, and location spell was basic enough. Magic Door on the other hand was known to be one of the most challenging conjuration spells, requiring intense focus and precise execution in order to open a safe passage. One mistake could result in being transported to an unknown location, perhaps even the depths of another plane of existence.

"So essentially, we need to both locate and create a dimensional door to the location of the stones at the same time, right? But why not simply try to physically detect them instead? The locating spell can reveal their whereabouts, and it's much less dangerous than attempting to create a portal."

"Yes, however, I am afraid my condition doesn't allow me to travel long distances anymore" Gale confessed. "Also, we are under borrowed time. Anyone could find the stones before us and that would make matters worse."

We are under borrowed time because I have to stop my engagement, Shethought to herself, but instead said, "I'll do my best to create the spell you need. But I may need to consult some of my colleagues at the Academy for their expertise."

Gale looked hesitant for a moment before nodding in agreement. "Of course. And whatever resources you need, I will provide."

With that settled, Neri turned her attention back to her notebook and began jotting down notes and ideas for the spell. She had never attempted something like this before, but she was determined to succeed to get a hold of her future.

Both the illness and his departure from Waterdeep are references to the game's canon events! Hope you enjoyed this character and once again let me know any mistake or feedback you want to share:)

[crisiscutie]

May I humbly request a Pt. 2 of the situation with Darling feeling uneasy, please? ó.ò What happens after OG and Dissidia Seph take her away? You wrote that Dissidia Seph noticed an apprehensive glance in OG Seph's eyes, which had me worried, because when OG Seph is concerned about his Darling's welbeing, then there must definitely be something wrong. Also... I don't like how AC Seph is the 'quiet kid' in this situation... I've grown wary of his behaviour x_x

(HoS Story Arc Episode Ask You Say? Part 1 here)

The Crisis Cuties were so taken aback by their intense emotions that their rational thought was temporarily blocked. For some, the transition back to reality will be especially hard to handle due to the chaotic nature of the situation. What can they do to cure their darling?

༻❁༺ The Darling's Condition...

OG Seph stays completely focused on getting his darling better and figuring out her mysterious disease. He'd consult Jenova, use any Materia he can get his hands on to see what was going. The darling would sometimes be in such agony that he carefully lifted her onto his lap, using his psychic abilities to reduce her pain. He tolerated her embrace of Thea, as the doll's presence appeared to be one of the few sources of solace for her..

Dissidia Seph's calm demeanor was put to the test for the first time.. With his OG Counterpart refusing to cooperate with him and the darling's failing health on top of her chronic pain, he knew it was fruitless to stay idle. Action must be taken. He does his best to keep the forte under control, but his mission to ensure the wellness of the darling is top priority.

Poor C.C hasn't slept much or eaten much in days. His hands would grip the door handle, desperate for a touch of his darling, A fleeting glance of her and some interactions could only quell his need for her for so long... He finally started to depart at the darling's gentle insistence. He absorbed her soft words of advice to look after himself and be a good boy, for his mother's sake… But he will always return later.

One day, Dissidia Seph looked at him with a piercing gaze, as if he was trying to convey his pity. He sternly lectures his young counterpart, reminding him that if it wasn't for OG Seph and his own interference, the other Sephiroths would have disposed of him without a second thought.

He expected C.C to become enraged, but instead C.C only looked down, his voice trembling as he uttered "mother" repeatedly, a throbbing headache radiating through his skull. Dissidia Seph gives a short shake of his head, steeling himself for the mission ahead.

༻❁༺ How the Troublemakers Cope...

7R Seph felt an overwhelming sense of despair wash over him… And a strange pang of guilt for the darling's troubling condition. Could he possibly done this to her? He enjoys her suffering by his hand, but not when it's unintentional. This internal conflict would make him seek C.C out, increasing his torment of him to cope.

As the two met again, C.C. felt a jolt of rage when 7R insinuated that the darling's condition was his fault, and this time, he couldn't just ignore it. As the two summoned their blades, another deep, familiar voice called out to them: AC Seph.

He attempted to diffuse the situation by using his charm and mature attitude, reminding the Sephiroths that the darling was already under so much stress that a fight was unnecessary. He pointed out that the darling's mysterious illness could be derived from the peculiarities of the house, and her own distinct coding of Jenova DNA couldn't remedy her. Which could be true, right? The Sephiroths had done so much for the darling, yet she seemed to be no closer to recovery. He'll recommend the ideal next solution is to have the darling absorb more of Jenova's essence, eventually turning her into another extension of her.

C.C was so desperate for the darling to get better at this point. To him, having one mother become the other was the ultimate combination of both worlds. 7R Seph was torn, wanting to accept the proposal but also mentally questioning why Jenova couldn't just cure the darling and put an end to this? As he stops C.C from immediately agreeing to the proposal, he will press his counterpart for a more detailed explanation.

༻❁༺ Another Ally?

Dissidia Seph stood in the backyard, illuminated by the faint glimmer of the moonlit sky. He waited for the man who could potentially help him, as he pondered the mystery of the darling's illness. Her Jenova cells should have kept her from getting ill, right? Unless her cells are the cause of the illness…

KH Seph materialized from the darkness, surveying the area with a curious expression on his face as he noticed one of his counterparts waiting for him. He hadn't been around the house in a while, so he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Dissidia Seph informed him of the darling's ill state and inquired if he had any insight.

KH Seph smirked in response, although the news was distressing, it also presented a stimulating opportunity to battle the only man that could rival him.

So he made a proposal to him: Fight him and he *could* very well have a cure for the darling's ailment, as he whips out his Masamune, the longest of any Sephiroth in the household. Dissidia Seph summoned his trademark Masamune with a smoldering glint in his eyes, the air thick with anticipation of the upcoming battle…

Stay tuned for part three~!

[alterhumanthings]

Some Deitykin Memories 7

I said before that most gods didn't like me, and while I still remember this being the case, it wasn't true of everyone. I had a couple of close relationships with gods, and some with other deities, as well. I'll just put the god ones here, since they're the most clear.

These memories are hazy, but I enjoy remembering what I can. I don't remember anyone's names, by the way, so I've just made nicknames for them all.

Yellow

Yellow looked like a satyr, and while his lower half was covered in brown fur, the hair on his head was blonde, if it even was hair (sometimes my memories show it as fire or pure light).

Because of this, I think he had some sort of fire powers or sun/light powers. I also remember that he had some dominion over an art of fighting (something to do with swords??)

I believe that Yellow and I became close over the years, but our relationship didn't start off friendly. He was a prankster, and he picked me as a target for said pranks the few times I went to god/deity meet-ups.

I ignored it the first few times, but one day he literally pounced on me while I was leaving a meeting. He did it while I was walking through the forest, I hadn't sensed him (which was terrifying), and I freaked out, thinking someone had attacked me with ill intent.

I tried to swipe at him with my claws, but he was a fighter by dominion, and easily avoided them. That wounded my pride, if I'm being honest. Anyway, he reared back and laughed at me for "getting scared."

Juvenile stuff. I'm not certain, but I think he'd only been born a century or two before this, making him a rather young god, so it made sense, but I still found it annoying.

This was an escalation, and I was so peeved I decided to chase him. I wasn't going to hurt him, just scare him so he would leave me be in the future. But of course that didn't work. He turned it into a game of both hide-and-seek and tag. He was good at hiding. Better than I was at finding, certainly, but eventually I thought that he had run away for good because I really couldn't find him.

I wasn't used to being truly angry, and it had worn me out. I sat down to rest under one of the trees and just enjoyed the peace and quiet for a while. But then Yellow came back.

By that point, I was too tired to be that annoyed, especially since he'd brought food with him. Some type of reddish-yellow fruit that was both sour and sweet. It was a peace offering of sorts. I accepted, mainly because I loved food even though I didn’t need to eat it, and so we ate together quietly for a while.

That was the first interaction that ended on a somewhat high note. It must have gotten better from there, but all I have right now are small snippets.

I remember trying to bite him with the intent of actual harm this time but missing anyway because he was too fast. Why? I have no idea.

I swiped at him with my claws another time, only to have him Yellow laugh again and dance away, unafraid, just teasing me.

I have various memories of him ambushing me with hugs, and my reactions ranging from annoyed to uninterested to happy.

I remember resting on top of him. We were lying on the grass and the sun was warm on my back. He nuzzled my cheek like he'd done in a thousand times before, and even though I didn't have a mouth at the time, I did the equivalent of a smile.

This ones's especially fuzzy, but I remember a possible kiss at some point, as well. I don’t know if our relationship was romantic or platonic or in an in-between space that the human culture I live in now doesn’t have a name for, but I know I grew to enjoy his presence very much.

Wherever he is, I hope he's doing well.

[hismercytomyjustice]

X-Men ‘97 Spoilers Below the Cut

I don’t know about y’all but I’m feeling TOTALLY NORMAL about the way the most recent episode ended.

Glad to see Magneto’s still around, but damn I love me a fucked up homoerotic borderline torture scene sometimes.

Can’t wait to see him waste this dude.

Also, I am not up to speed on all the X-Men lore but don’t they have time travel? I feel like if there was ever a time to use it, it would be now? I was just really surprised to see them burying everyone.

Magneto is my #1 X-Man tho. Really digging his vibe right now with all the fucked up political bullshit going on in real life.

—-

X-Men spoilers have ended. Now I’m just yapping.

—-

I feel like this show hits the LGBTQ+ experience beats pretty well at times. I’m behind the times on the rep there. I was never super into X-Men, though I watched the cartoons growing up. It took me a while to delve back into the movies too because I got hardcore body horror freaked out when that dude got liquified in the first one.

My tolerance for that kind of thing used to be waaaay lower than it is now. I had to leave the theater because the gore at the beginning of Zombieland gave me a literal panic attack, haha. I didn’t start watching The Walking Dead until like 2015 for the same reason. Thankfully that kind of thing doesn’t really bother me anymore. It’s weird now to think back to how it used to.

Of course movie theaters in general used to give me panic attacks. It was almost a guarantee for a while that if I went into a movie theater, I was gonna have one. Zombieland was the first and maybe only time I ever had to leave because of one though. Usually I’d just pretend like nothing was happening as far as my friends were concerned and just force my way through them.

Tbh, Ted Lasso was the first time I felt I saw a really good representation of what a panic attack could feel like. Internally it’s like your world is falling apart around you, but externally it can be pretty innocuous unless you’re having major physical symptoms. If you have them often enough, you get pretty good at masking them. I’ve had them loads of times around family and friends and didn’t tell anyone.

Thankfully I don’t have panic attacks nearly that often anymore. And yes, I 100% probably should have said something to my loved ones at the time. But it can be hard when you know you’re experiencing something that isn’t rational and there’s not really anything they can do to help except ride the wave alongside you.

True, some triggers for panic attack can be pretty distressing. But I’ve definitely had them other times where I was just annoyed as hell that my body decided to randomly throw an anxiety party and it’d just be a matter of waiting it out.

Tbh, birth control really helped with mine for a while. I had really bad PMDD and my panic attacks were almost like clockwork with my cycle. I used to dread the impending doom I’d feel as I got closer to the date. I went from having panic attacks multiple times a month to only every so often. Antidepressants have been a godsend on that front too. I had no idea they also worked with anxiety because I never took them specifically for it until 2022.

I got massively sidetracked, but I really enjoy talking about mental health on here. It helps me reflect and process a lot. Sometimes it feels like just casually talking about it takes away some of fear and self-stigma away. That’s also one of the main things I’ve been learning about in therapy, not engaging in avoidance thoughts/behaviors when it comes to my OCD.

That also reminds me of what Marcus says a lot on LPOTL. “Mental illness isn’t your fault, but it is your responsibility.” It fucking sucks, but it’s true. In my experience, there’s a huge difference between interacting with someone who’s actively trying to live with their mental illness rather than choosing to ignore it and refusing to seek treatment.

Not that seeking and finding the right treatment and meeting your mental illness head on are easy things to do. It’s a bit privileged to say that. But as someone who didn’t get treatment for most of their life because they didn’t realize they needed treatment (“my symptoms aren’t that bad, it’s just a little anxiety, my prior attempts to seek help blew up in my face, x family member has this and is fine, etc”), lemme just tell ya I bet I am a much more enjoyable person to be around now.

I’m lucky in that I don’t believe I’ve ever lost any family or friends over my previously untreated mental illness. However, I know that I’m a hell of a lot happier and fun to be around when I’m on my medications and receiving regular therapy. I’m far less likely to subject others to my doom spirals and obsessive thoughts. I would get sick of talking about them, so I can only imagine how my captive audience felt.

Sure, there’s more I could be doing, but at least I have a pretty solid foundation under me now. I’m hoping to continue to build on it in time.

[oursystembl0g]

EXACTLY!!

Like for real, my BRO, my GAL, my PAL, THERE ARE NO RESOURCES!!!!

Ok, I'm just going to talk a bit more in depth about faking. When I say faking, also read it as exaggerating mental health issues. Because theyre the same category.

I hate the way these people stigmatize mental health even MORE! You are just making:

1- everyone angry at each other

2- demonizing attention seeking (which, is normal btw!!! Wanting attention/validation/love is normal!!! Some people don't get any of these VERY NORMAL things and cry out for help!!)

3- makes attention seekers/fakers just flat out ignore the issue that they're having because it's not safe for them to confront the issue. Because it means "they're terrible people". ( It can also make the faking unconscious.)

NO!! it's normal, and outside of being "annoying" to SOME PEOPLE, it doesn't hurt anyone (if you say they spread misinformation, even non faking and/or diagnosed people can do that!! I'm diagnosed and I've spread misinformation about depression before, for example!!)

4- MOST FAKERS ARE MINORS/CHILDREN!!!! Y'all don't want to admit that tough. And just want to doxx and bully others.

......I just want to say something. You do not need to talk or interact with fakers AT ALL?!!!!?? If it annoys you so much that you BULLY and ABUSE them, then it's best if you just leave them ALONE.

yeah!! Fakers exist, they will always exist, but guess what!! Faking. Is. A. Cry. For. Help!! And/or signs of other mental illness, such as, you guessed it: ALMOST EVERY ONE OF THEM!!! (Bpd, depression, hpd, anxiety, etc!! So Much more!!)

Just let people live in peace. Like, actually, genuinely,,, believe me, if fakers could just snap their fingers and make the faking go away THEY WOULD. But it's just a sign of poor mental health. Do you really think others like to be bullied? Abused, doxxed, loose friends? No!! But it can be the only way they know how to be heard/express themselves.

If you want to combat misinformation (which is totally ok and valid btw!!) Just don't make it about fakers because there is not necessarily a connection between the two?

Like, non faking people can and WILL eventually spread misinformation. Diagnosed people can and will spread misinformation eventually. And that happens, it's ok. Don't shame others, and educate them instead.

!!!! SYSCOURSE WARNING !!!!

Cw: Yelling, caps, big text, lots of cussing

"If you're traumagenic why are you affected by-" SHUT UP !!!!!!!! I LITERALLY DON'T FUCKING CARE. I HAVE BIGGER ISSUES !!!!!! I DON'T CARE IF SOMEONE IS "FAKING" !!!!! "They're taking resources" WHAG FUCKING RESOURCES !!!!!!!! YOU GET PRIVILEGES TAKEN AWAY IF YOU'RE DIAGNOSED !!!!!!! WHY ARE YOU THROWING A BIG FUCKING HISSY FIT ONLINE !!!! MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS !!!! IF SOMEONE IS FAKING, 1) THAT'S NOT FOR YOU TO DECIDE AND 2) THEY OBVIOUSLY NEED HELP OF SOME OTHER KIND !!!!! AND YOU SHOUTING AT PEOPLE ENDLESSLY IS NOT FUCKING HELPING !!!!

YOU ALL HAVE SUCH HIGH FUCKING REGARD OF YOURSELVES BUT WOULD CURL INTO A FUCKING BALL AND DIE IF SOMEONE FAKE CLAIMED YOU SO WHY DO IT TO SOMEONE ELSE !!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW IF THEY'RE FAKING AND TELLING EVERYONE YOU THINK IS FAKING THAT THEY ARE MAKES YOU A FUCKING

TERRIBLE PERSON.

I mean that from the bottom of my fucking heart. Because no matter how many times you fake claim someone, the chances of you fake claiming a system who GENUINELY IS ONE, is fucking high and no one has any goddamn regard for when they fuck up and test the limits of other people's lives. Mind your fucking business online, be nicer, you're not the fucking cops.

-Bro 🧢

[staringdownabarrel]

Trauma dumping is a real thing, but I feel like the use of the term tends to be a bit reductive. It focuses a lot on why trauma dumping is a bad thing, and there is some merit to that, but it tends to ignore the reasons why a person might do it to begin with.

When I was in high school, I spent a fair bit of time on the "mental health" side of the internet. This includes places like the depression aesthetic side of Tumblr and also websites like takethislife.com. All of this was a decade or more ago, so even though I'm sure spaces like these still exist, I'm going to be talking about them in the past tense.

In spaces like this, what most people would label as trauma dumping was a common thing. I mean, of course--places like this were filled to the brim with people with all kinds of mental health issues, all kinds of traumatic life events, and so on. To expect these spaces to not have these things happen is to be at least a little bit naive.

The one thing I tended to notice was that, at least among the people I most regularly interacted with, a solid 80%-90% of them were already in therapy for their issues. Because of that, their motivation for "trauma dumping" was very rarely that they wanted this new person they'd just met online to be their unpaid therapist.

Usually what they actually wanted was a friend, and sharing the darkest, most intimate details of their lives was one of the only ways they knew how to connect with a new person. The other common motive was that they wanted a sense of community and the mental health side of the internet was one of the few places willing to accept them as they were, given how debilitating their mental health issues could be at times.

So while they were actively in therapy, often the symptoms of their mental health issues prevented them from being in other communities. There'd often be some issue with some of the less socially accepted symptoms of their mental illness rubbing people the wrong way or they'd be basically shut out of certain friend groups because nobody wanted to be around the known crazy person.

This is a little bit tangential and I can't really prove this, but I wouldn't be too surprised if this ends up being a big reason why so many of the fandom spaces on Tumblr tend to be filled with neurodivergent and mentally ill people. Fandom spaces tend to be one of the few places where people like this can go and be accepted, getting that sense of community so many of them want, without the space also explicitly being focused on their mental health.

Of course, this leaves the other 10%-20% who weren't actively in therapy. When the term trauma dumping first started gaining traction, I thought it was mostly these people they were talking about. These tended to be the people most likely to share details about every traumatic thing that had ever happened to them, without concern for what kind of a position this other person might be in, and expect the other person to be their unpaid therapist.

The thing is that these people had their reasons for being in those spaces as well, and it wasn't always that they were jackasses with no concern for other people's wellbeing. Often, it was because they couldn't afford therapy, their parents didn't believe mental health issues were really an issue (this was especially an issue for people in high school or uni who were still dependent on their parents), or there was the cultural belief that seeking therapy would make them "less of a man".

That last point--the genedered expectations surrounding opening up about mental health issues--tended to be the biggest one I saw. Whenever I encountered someone in those communities that wasn't currently in therapy, it was like two thirds cis boys or cis men, and one third women or nonbinary people. This was especially the case among adults because women, nonbinary people, and trans men who needed therapy but couldn't get it because their parents said no when they were in high school would usually end up going once they got into uni or their early twenties.

There were some issues with men using mental health issues as a way of grooming teenage girls as well. I don't really know for sure how common it was, but situations where suspecting it might happen were certainly common enough that the mods or admins on takethislife.com had to put a post up telling adults to not private message the high schoolers on the site. By and large though, this tended to not be my experience on the mental health side of the internet. People I encountered in these communities who were hoping to groom me (as a teenager) tended to be the rare exception rather than the rule. Maybe I just got lucky, though.

For the most part though, all of this was discussion of mental health issues by people with mental health issues in mental health communities. I don't think it was really trauma dumping in the strictest sense of the term because nobody was opening up their browser, going to one of these communities, and thinking, "Gee, I sure hope that one self harmer I know isn't talking about their self harm scars again today." You sorta knew what you were in for the moment you went to that side of the internet.

Really, I think the issue tended to be that sometimes people in these communities didn't realise that there was a level of venting in mental health spaces that was frowned upon in mixed company. The entire reason those spaces existed was so that people could talk about the issues they wouldn't be able to in mixed company. The thing is that when you spend enough time in those communities, the social etiquette you learn for those spaces ends up being the only etiquette you know. This is especially the case when you get involved in those communities very young.

What ended up happening because of this was some people would talk about their issues to people who really didn't have the skills to cope with what they were hearing and didn't sign up to hear about them to begin with. I think this tends to be the area where ideas around trauma dumping and ideas around a lack of empathy tend to collide and become a little murky because while a lot of people aren't equipped to handle hearing about these issues, a lot of people aren't exactly empathetic to people with mental health issues to begin with, either.

I do empathise with concerns over trauma dumping to an extent because of course most people aren't going to have the skills to deal with hearing about certain things. Even if you do, there's always going to be days where you just can't do it. But also, to pretend that the need to trauma dump isn't often the result of mentally ill people being socially excluded and the lack of accessible mental health resources for a lot of people is to ignore some of the systemic issues that lead to it, in my opinion.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

I suspect quite a few people on this site don’t realize they are struggling with the effects of chronic trauma. In particular I think more people need to learn about the symptoms of C-PTSD.

Distinct from general PTSD, Complex PTSD is caused by prolonged, recurring stress and trauma, often occurring in childhood & adolescence over an extended period of time. There are many risk factors, including: abusive/negligent caregivers, dysfunctional family life, untreated mental/chronic illness, and being the target of bullying/social alienation.

I’m not a mental health professional and I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone, I just remember a million watt light bulb going off in my head when I first learned about C-PTSD. It was a huge OH MY FUCKING WORD eureka moment for me—it explained all these problems I was confused and angry at myself for having. The symptoms that really stood out to me were:

Negative self-perception: deep-seated feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, and stigma. Feeling like you are different from everyone else, like something is fundamentally ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with you.

Emotional avoidance of topics, people, relationships, activities, places, things etc that might cause uncomfortable emotions such as shame, fear, or sadness. Can lead to self-isolation.

Learned helplessness: a pervasive sense of powerlessness, often combined with feelings of desensitization, wherein you gradually stop trying to escape or prevent your own suffering, even when opportunities exist. May manifest as self-neglect or self-sabotage. (I remember watching myself make bad choices and neglect my responsibilities, and having no idea why I was doing it, or how to stop myself. Eventually I just stopped caring, which led to more self-neglect.)

Hyper-vigilance: always feeling “on edge,” alert, unable to relax even in spaces that should feel safe. May be combined with an elevated “flight” response, or feelings of always being prepared to flee. (I used to hide important documents and possessions in a sort of emergency go bag, even when I was living alone and there was no logical reason other than it made me feel “prepared.”)

Difficulty regulating emotions: may include mood swings, persistent numbness, sadness, suicidal idealization, explosive anger (or inability to feel anger and other strong emotions), inability to control your emotions, confusion about why you react the way you do.

Sense of foreshortened future: assuming or feeling that you will die young. Recurring thoughts that "I'll be dead before the age of 30/40/18/21 etc." As a teenager I used to joke darkly that I didn't plan to live past 30—not because I planned to end my life, but because I simply couldn't imagine myself alive and happy in the long-term. I couldn't imagine a meaningful future where I wasn't suffering.

Emotional flashbacks: finding yourself suddenly re-experiencing feelings of helplessness, panic, despair, or anger etc, often without understanding what has triggered these feelings. Often these flashbacks don’t clearly relate to the memory of a single event (since C-PTSD is caused by repetitive events, which can blur together), making them harder to identify as flashbacks—especially if you’ve never heard the phrase “emotional flashback” and don’t know what to look for. For years I just filed it under “sometimes I overreact/freak out randomly for no reason, probably bc I am just a terrible human being.” (It turns out there was very much a reason, it was just hidden in the past. I have since learned to be kinder and less judgemental towards myself.)

There are other symptoms too, here are more links with good info.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, because I’ve noticed that a lot of the people I interact with online have risk factors and experiences similar to mine. These include:

growing up in a dysfunctional household

having caregivers who do not fulfill basic emotional needs (do not provide consistent positive attention, encouragement, support, acceptance, communication, a sense of safety and security)

on a very related note, experiencing neglect or abuse at the hand of caregivers or other adults. I also want to emphasize the significance of emotional abuse, since it is hard to recognize, easy to ignore, and utterly rampant in so many communities. In general, family dysfunction, abuse & neglect are quite difficult to identify when you are a child/teen and that is the only “normal” you have known.

(For example, in my family it manifested as an emotionally absent father I was vaguely frightened of, constant nagging from a hypercritical mother, and a house full of people who yelled and screamed at each other. It took me years to realize I grew up in an abusive environment, because there was no physical violence, because I participated in the fighting, and because my behavioral problems made me the family scapegoat. And I internalized that guilt: I thought I was the problem. But no—I was a child, and I deserved not to grow up in a household full of anger and fear and negativity. You deserved that too. You deserved to grow up safe and loved and treated with kindness.) 

anyway back to more risk factors:

being neurodivergent or chronically ill (especially without receiving proper treatment/support/accommodation)

being queer (especially in a conservative or undiverse community, or without the support and acceptance of family & friends)

being the target of bullying or harassment (from peers, teachers, authority figures, irl, online, etc)

being isolated or alienated from peers, from family, from your wider community.

growing up with chronic anxiety, discomfort, pain, fear, or distress caused by any of the above and more.

There are many other experiences that can cause chronic trauma, but these are some particularly common ones I see people in my own community struggling with. And I want more people to be aware of this, because we’ve been taught to ignore and second-guess the significance of our traumatic experiences. We’ve been taught to feel guilty for our own pain, because “other people aren’t struggling, so I shouldn’t either” or (contradictorily) “other people have it worse, so I shouldn’t complain.” But that’s not how it works—you are not other people, and you deserve to have it better. We all deserve better. We deserve to be happy. We deserve not to be in pain.

I used to think I couldn’t have a trauma disorder because (I argued in my head) the things that happened to me weren’t that bad. And then I spent five years in therapy learning to accept the full extent of my issues. I’ve since learned that trauma comes in many forms, and can happen quietly, invisibly, silently, chronically, and usually without the survivor being aware of the long-term repercussions of what they are surviving. That revelation comes later, after you have survived and must instead learn to live.

Finally, no single type of trauma is more real or harmful than any other. Severity is measured by the way the individual is affected, and the same situations affect different people in different ways. Because no one gets to choose how their brain reacts to trauma. No one gets to choose their hurt—otherwise there would be a hell of a lot less hurting in the world.

We can, however, choose to seek help. We can learn to recognize when something is wrong, we can learn when to reach out to professionals, and we can learn to educate ourselves on our injuries.

And gradually, we can learn to heal.

(posts like this brought to you by ko-fi supporters)

[miss-kittyy]

Rewriting Briarlight and Longtail’s Deaths

So I am disabled, like very disabled, I am %50 of the teenagers ever diagnosed with my special combination of pain disorders, and I also unfortunately hyper fixated on warrior cats, which is bad news for me because warrior cats is super ableist, and to add insult to injury, the fandom can also be pretty ableist.

My biggest problem with the majority of “anti-ableist” AUs is that they “fix” the ableism stemming from the narrative and able bodied characters by making the disabled character less disabled, this so bad for many reasons. I’ve talked more about in other posts. The justification that real life disabled cats are less doesn’t make it not ableist, since when was warrior cats meant to be realistic? If you’re making an au where the disabled cats function like actual disabled cats you also have to make all the cats genetically accurate, and retcon Lionblaze lifting a tree.

My problem with warrior cats is not that the disabled characters cannot become full conventional warriors, I’d like it if they got to choose what duties the perform instead of being crammed into the medicine den, but I don’t care about Cinderpelt not being able to complete a marathon. Most of the fandom seems to think the issue is that the disabled character are not useful enough, instead of the way that able bodied characters deny of them agency and make remarks like “you wouldn’t want to return to a life like her’s would you?”. Disabled people do not need to be “useful” to be worthy and empowering.

It’s very obvious that most of the fandom just wants the disabled cats to be more palatable to abled bodied people, so I’ve decided to make my own rewrite instead to hopefully make myself feel better. A lot of these things are inspired by my own experiences and not every disabled person is looking for the same things in representation, this is totally self indulgent.

The goal of this AU is to highlight the many unique and valuable aspects disability and how being disabled does not infringe upon anyone’s worth, ever.

- Longtail doesn’t die in the storm, Briarpaw is still injured, but he’s found besides her, trying his best to help her cling to life.

- after Briarpaw begins to recover he stands up to Millie and other cats insulting her quality of life, he says her journey will be hard, but it is one worth taking.

- She asks him why he’s an elder, and he decides to request to have his warrior ship restored as Briarpaw is dreading the life of an elder.

- On his first patrol the cats accompanying him insist on speaking to him in an incredibly infantilism tone, and whispering amongst themselves over what he can or can’t do, without consulting him,

- He initially gives up on patrolling after that insufferable experience.

- Briarlight begins to create marks and blobs on the wall of the medicine den using crushed up dead herbs she asks him to retrieve some berries for her, and he complies.

- Jayfeather shows him how he navigates the territory with the help of some of the sighted cats, and Mousefur is quick to volunteer as his guide. He finds her company surprisingly empowering. He realizes that it was not his blindness which was limiting his abilities, but the other cats attitudes.

- Mousefur and Longtail return with mouthful of berries and herbs, Briarlight describes to him what she’s drawing on the side of the den and he helps he mound the materials into paint.

- The cats begin to pop into the medicine den to see Briarlights painting and soon Jayfeather has to kick her out occasionally so they’d stop crowding him, she’s given the walls of camp to decorate instead.

- She begins to illustrate Longtails stories of the old territory and Bloodclan, and this new form of storytelling becomes a tradition amongst Thunderclan.

- because more young cats are aware of the clans history it becomes harder for the dark forest to recruit them, unfortunately, Blossomfall’s resentment towards her sister means she never cared to listen.

- Ivypool is still recruited and trained like in canon, given her relationship with the dark forest was much more emotionally charged and manipulative than just plain lies.

- at a gathering Longtail meets Grasspelt who inquires about Briarlight, Longtail is surprised about how little he knows as the she-cat had mentioned how well they got along as apprentices. Despite Millie nagging him not to tell him the truth about her daughter he does anyways, but puts much more emphasis on how well she’s doing than Millie expected. Grasspelt thinks this sounds really cool and decides that he is going to see her and her paintings, and that nobody can stop him. Longtail makes sure to put any opposing cat in their place, but Briarlight is a very respected Clanmate, so most warriors don’t say anything.

- Briarlight is nervous and doesn’t want to come out of the medicine den at first, but when Grassheart darts into the den holding berries and flowers for her to paint with she quickly warms up to her visitor.

- Grassheart is happy to tell Briarlight that he’s never been able to be a “functioning” warrior, and that he has always imagined that his spirit is shaped different, the medicine cat says his body is normal, but he’s never been able to keep focus in a fight or react as quickly as he should be able to while hunting. (He’s autistic because I say so)

- As dusk nears he’s visually hesitant to return to Riverclan and when Longtail inquires on why he says that he hasn’t felt so “here” for a long time. On the way back he wanders off and comes back with a chipmunk, when returning to Riverclan territory his father, Mintfur, is shocked to see his catch. After talking with his family a bit he realizes that it was the noise from the river that was making him so tense and dissociated, Brackenfur, who was escorting him, notices that he keeps rubbing himself on the ground and wincing.

- For the next couple moons Grasspelt returned to Thunderclan to bring Briarlight plants that only grow in Riverclan territory, he begins trying to fish from the quite lazy stream in their territory and soon both him and Briarlight have got it down.

- Longtail notices the sadness present whenever Grasspelt left and exclaims that it’s rather stupid that he’s living somewhere so unsuited for him just because of words long repeated.

- Grasspelt confesses that he feels the same, but knew he wasn’t supposed to say anything. Briarlight tells Longtail that her and the Riverclan warrior had been thinking of each other as mates for moons.

- Longtail accompanies Jayfeather to the next half moon meeting where he proposes his addition to the warrior code, “no cat should be confined to laws which harm them due to an inherent physical or spiritual difference.” (Cats don’t really know how brains work, so they see mental disabilities as a difference within a cats spirit)

- A moon later the leaders meet to discuss this proposition, it is accepted and Grasspelt makes the journey to Thunderclan for the final time.

- Grasspelt is renamed Grassspirit when becoming a Thunderclan warrior, unlike prior renaming of disabled cats this is a celebration.

- Grassspirit spends most of his time taking care of the elders and kits, he’s incredibly compassionate especially with kits and is able to solve many problems within the nursery.

- When twigkit and Violetkit arrive in Thunderclan Briarlight and Grassspirit help raise them, after Violetkit is taken Briarlight and Twigkit paint her on the side of Thunderclan camp.

- Briarlight still gets sick and her illness progresses without any treatment, Grassspirit notices her trying to hide it and when Longtail finds out he’s very upset. Jayfeather frantically treats her, expressing his frustration that she didn’t tell them sooner, the second Millie steps out she breaks down and explains that she just wanted to deal with it herself, and perhaps if she were successful Millie would finally treat her like an adult.

- Longtail gives Millie a stern talking to, he tells her that Briarlight is a warrior of Thunderclan and as her clanmate she should show her some respect.

- Millie is inherently very reactionary, as she had not realized the full extent of her suffocation, but eventually after a couple moons her and Briarlight begin to rekindle their relationship, like adults.

- Blossomfall sees how Brairlight wasn’t basking in their mother’s attention like she imagined, and feels the urge to seek out an actual sisterhood after ignoring Briarlight for moons and moons.

- Briarlight isn’t really mad at her sister, and understands why she felt the way she did. Jayfeather suggests that Blossomfall help Briarlight with her painting, Blossomfall seems put off with the suggestion of being her sister’s assistant.

- The interactions that follow are less than ideal, Blossomfall commends Briarlight’s able friends (Thornclaw, Poppyfrost, Alderheart, etc) for being so nice to her, as if that’s not what friends do. She seems very sad the entire time, sighing when her sister dragged her legs around with her mouth to sit more comfortably, even though she was completely fine. When watching her paint she comments that it’s good she has “something to keep her busy”, and finally she expresses her view, of Briarlight’s injury and her (Blossomfall’s) suffering being all worth it because of her talents, as if her life was not worth living to begin with.

- Briarlight tells her that if that’s truly what she wants she’s going to have to put more effort into understanding and respecting her way of life, and that she won’t apologize for their mother’s actions.

- When Blossomfall has her kits they take a liking to Auntie Briarlight, and Blossomfall seems to have reflected on their past interactions, trusting her sister to watch her kits. Briarlight teases a bit, a subtle way of telling her not to rush things, but they do begin to feel like something close to sisters.

- Right before Briarlight’s Nieces and Nephews are made warriors Longtail dies of Greencough. Throughout the entirety of his sickness he kept his sense of humour, his mean streak, and his immense love for what he had made of his clan.

- At his vigil Grassspirit began whaling like a bird in new-leaf, he insists that the vigil is too sad, and that Longtail wouldn’t want everyone moping around, for Starclan’s sake, his life was good. Standing amongst them, Longtail’s spirit can feel every cat in Thunderclan standing around him, singing the song of a life well lived.

[ohnominamino]

An Essay on Love in Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time

Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a movie about love in all its forms. From the love of family, friends, and neighbors, to the compassion we feel for people we have never met. The movie reminds us that love is something we continuously gain, lose, and choose, again and again. Which love is greatest? In my opinion, the answer to that question is left up to interpretation. In this essay, I will give my own personal interpretation on certain character interactions and what I believe we are meant to take away from their Rebuild portrayals. 

The character I will start with is one I’ve noticed the most outrage over from people who haven’t seen the movie and read out-of-context spoilers: Kaworu Nagisa. 

Kaworu is a beloved character among many Evangelion fans, especially those who are members of the LGBT+ community. He is a canonical love interest of Shinji Ikari and I want to reassure people that this final movie does not change that fact. However, it does not make the couple blatantly endgame either. This skirting around the couple might make some fans upset, and while their feelings are completely valid, I do not think they fully understand the difficulties faced by LGBT+ people in Japan, nor do they understand the way that romance is typically conveyed in Japanese storytelling. (I recommend watching “Is ‘Yuri On Ice’ Good Gay Representation?” by James Somerton for more about storytelling nuances.) 

What have we been shown about Shinji and Kaworu’s love? The good news is, anything you read into the original TV series and End of Evangelion is completely true for the Rebuilds— because Kaworu is the same Kaworu. This movie proves Evangelion is a single universe set on repeat, and that Kaworu and Shinji meet each other every loop, and in each, Kaworu is trying to make Shinji happy. Within the final movie, Shinji becomes aware of the loops and chooses to break the cycle and free Kaworu from his pain. 

What does the relationship between Shinji and Kaworu teach us? I believe the purpose of their love is to show the audience that first, in the words of Kaji, “love has no gender.” Second, I believe Kaworu’s love in particular is a warning about basing your own happiness solely upon another person. There are parallels drawn between Gendo/Yui and Kaworu/Shinji. Gendo could not exist without Yui, and so he was willing to destroy the world to be reunited with her. For Kaworu, it was not the destruction of humanity, but the destruction of himself that defined his tragedy. What’s important within the final movie, in my opinion, is that Shinji does not reject Kaworu’s love. With the insight he’s gained from remembering past loops, he sees Kaworu’s love and appreciates him, but he also sees his suffering and wants to ease it. He helps Kaworu into a new world where he can seek his own happiness and find balance in his life (something his father did not have). 

While Kaworu and Shinji are not seen as an explicit couple at the end of the movie, it’s significant to note that, when he sets Kaworu free, Shinji holds out his hand to Kaworu as a promise to stay together. Over the course of the movie, Shinji comes to accept his connection to others through accepting touch (in the form of hand holding and hugs from Rei, Misato, and Gendo); however, Kaworu is the only character in the movie who Shinji initiates physical contact with and that speaks to how much Kaworu means to him. This simple gesture, in my opinion, keeps the door open for Kaworu and Shinji to be a couple one day, after Kaworu has found more balance in his life. 

If I were to write an entire essay about Kaworu, it would be titled, “Out of the Coffin: How the Resurrection of Kaworu Nagisa Buries the Tragic Lovers Trope” because this movie truly does just that. 

Another potential love interest for Shinji for many years was Asuka; however, unlike with Kaworu, the nature of this relationship is not left up to interpretation by the end of the movie. Before her big final battle, Asuka tells Shinji, “I think I loved you back then” (regarding their time in middle school) and Shinji, during Instrumentality, tells Asuka, “Thank you for saying you loved me. I loved you too.” It is past tense. 

What does this relationship teach us? It’s a beautiful way of showing that we can love people, and grow and learn, and let go when we no longer fit each other. Letting go is an integral part of life. Whereas other Instrumentality scenes involve touch, Asuka’s, mirroring the ending of End of Evangelion, has a distinct lack of touch. Shinji sits with his arms around his knees and Asuka turns her body away from him. He gives her his thanks and he sends her off to find her peace. Asuka and Shinji teach us that it’s okay to grow out of relationships. You can appreciate what they were to you at the time they happened and move on. 

What about Rei? To be honest with you, this movie is less about Rei’s relationship with Shinji, and more about her relationship with the world. Rei teaches movie viewers about the simple pleasures of living. While Shinji is in mourning for the first quarter of the movie, Rei (as “Sokkuri”) is learning about crop growing and community, the wonder of babies and kittens, the joy of the bath after a long day of fruitful work, and the power of words and picture books. At the end of her life, she only regrets not having more time to spend with the people she loves. In Instrumentality, Shinji accepts her hand when it is offered to him, which I hope signifies he is ready to see life as she had come to during the final movie. 

Rei teaches us that we can love living and to not take our limited time for granted. 

Next, we move on to parent figures: Gendo and Misato. I think they both represent people ill suited to the role, who do the best they can despite it. Gendo, as mentioned for Kaworu above, is a warning about defining yourself by your relationship to another person (Ikari, afterall, is Yui’s name). He is also a lesson in how people mourn and how they can lash out. Misato, like Gendo, felt herself a poor parent, and while mourning the loss of Kaji, she gave up her child to be raised by other people, but, unlike Gendo, went forward to put all her energy into protecting humanity. Both of them reach out to hug Shinji within the movie and he accepts them where they are. 

While I wouldn’t say the movie shows that Shinji forgives Gendo, it does show his making an effort to understand and make peace with what others have done. For Misato, it is fair to say we can still hope for a better future, even when it feels like everything is crumbling around us. Her self-sacrificing love for her son and the whole of humanity is what enables Shinji to then save the people he loves (via the spear of Gaius). 

In the movie, we are also shown friendship. Touji, Hikari, and Kensuke are important members of their community who maintain open communication with those around them and respect others’ boundaries. They are patient and kind and represent the importance of being present. They teach us to meet people where they are and support them how we can, whether it’s giving them a warm meal or giving them space when they need it. 

There are many more characters that could be talked about, but today I am going to end on Mari. Mari’s love is physical. She enjoys being in people’s personal bubbles. She cuddles Asuka and helps trim her hair, she gets into Gendo’s space at college, and at the end of the movie, she reaches out her hand to Shinji to help him stand up from his seat. Upon first glance, some viewers might take Mari and Shinji’s final scene to be romantic, but the reality of it is this: We do not, and cannot, know what kind of love she is meant to represent in his life.

We do not know Mari’s relationship with Shinji because they hardly interact in the movie. She clearly cares about him, but in my opinion, it comes from a place of duty and compassion— Mari was friends with Gendo and Yui. She has been there since he was born. (If we take the manga to be canon, then Mari even had romantic feelings towards his mother. Her hairstyle and glasses are from Yui. At the end of the movie, Mari has changed her hairstyle, which to me implies she has moved on, and “getting” with Shinji would be a thematic break.)

Additionally, their conversation, while flirty, is very much one that implies they haven’t seen each other for a while. Mari is someone who is very physically affectionate. With everyone. If someone ignores that and focuses on the fact she gets into Shinji’s space and claims that’s romantic, they better acknowledge it’s possibly romantic with Asuka, who we see far more intimacy with. When Mari flirts, Shinji flirts back and her initial reaction is surprise, “Wow, you’ve learned to talk back!” Her purpose is clear. She is there to remove the DSS choker from his neck. 

Personally, I love that Mari is the one to close the movie, for the exact reason that we do not know her relationship with Shinji. For Mari to have an assigned role would be to say, “This kind of love is most important,” when the entire movie was spent showing us each love is of equal importance in the balance and building of our lives. (It’s wonderful to see those types of love embodied across the platform from Shinji at the end of the movie: Rei and Kaworu, who, just like in End of Evangelion, could signify the ability to connect with others and be loved.)

If you view Mari as a romantic love interest, then I think it speaks to the value that you as an individual give to romance rather than what the characters themselves are feeling. To me, Mari, the character who was created to “destroy Eva,” is a symbol of all love. When Shinji takes her offered hand and then pulls her to run into the new world, it’s a symbol of balance. The give and take of any kind of relationship. 

We are the product of every relationship we have ever had, from our parents to the people we once loved, from our friendships to any other person we want to stay connected to. Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a story about these relationships. It is a story about love. 

[ruby-whistler]

Why c!Dream should (and probably will be) redeemed

Hi! I’m bad with intros. You’ve read the title, so, let’s start with the definitions.

In this essay, we are considering the popularized definition of “redemption” instead of the classical one, which is, as per the Oxford Dictionary, “the act of saving or state of being saved from the power of evil; the act of redeeming.” That’s not however the way the word is used in fandom and media.

/dsmp /rp

The definition of redemption I’ll be working with in this essay is not forgiveness by the people who c!Dream has hurt, nor is it removing himself entirely from his past actions, but moreso the decision to change for the better and abandon destructive mindsets for himself and others.

A “redemption” in a narrative sense would be circumstances and a character arc that would allow that kind of healing and betterment.

I’d like to start this off by the fact that being “irredeemable”, in this sense, also doesn’t exist; redemption is a thing of conditions and choice, not of being allowed by someone else. You can’t gatekeep healing from people who seek it, just to be clear, and that even goes for people who have done terrible things.

Since I understand there is a lot of concern for c!Dream’s past actions, here is a post from people who are much more fit than me to speak on the matter, about the way in which they see a possible c!Dream redemption arc.

Another disclaimer, I am not going to be considering c!Dream only from the perspective of c!Tommy in this essay. c!Dream appears in other people’s perspectives and he himself has his own, unseen perspective. As a character, he is an individual person in his own right rather than just the antagonist of c!Tommy’s story, and so I do not have much concern for their narratives intertwining too much should this writing choice occur.

I’d also like to note that redemption is, in this sense, always a positive thing for everyone involved - someone who’s been prone to doing bad things in the past deciding not to do them anymore and try to change, or just simply heal enough to consider it, isn’t going to have a long-term negative effect in any of the characters, but rather the other way around. Healing is an unlimited resource, and the victims do not have to heal first for the person who hurt them to consider being better.

Here’s a well-written thread on Twitter that elaborates a bit to finish off this point, and let’s move on to actually talking about redemption in the context of the Dream SMP, and c!Dream specifically.

Why a c!Dream redemption arc is not only a good writing choice, but in this case the only good writing choice;

c!Dream, as we all know, has been subject to mental and physical abuse to the point of straight up torture by both c!Sam and c!Quackity (to different extents). He has been in indescribable amounts of suffering for the past 74 days at the time this essay will be published. That is six and something times the duration of the entire exile arc in canon.

Whatever the interpretation of his words in prison is, what is undeniable is first of all the fact his mental stability is absolutely crushed at this point, second that no human being could possibly ever deserve to undergo this, and third, his stay in the prison is showing off his humanity and making him out to be sympathetic.

Now, consider this; how would it feel if c!Tommy died at the end of the exile arc? Empty, there would be no catharsis to such an end, especially because of all of the hurt he’d gone through. Objectively, a bad writing choice.

Let’s compare, narratively of course, this situation to the prison arc. Even though I would never say one of them is “better” or “worse” than the other, since both are terrible and undeserved, c!Dream’s current state checks off all of the boxes that would make his death unsatisfying in the storyline; even if people want him gone, there would still be the dissatisfaction at the current build-up and why they even did it in the first place (it really wasn’t necessary to anyone else’s story to make him out as a victim, and yet they did) if they were planning to kill him off anyways. And since the prison arc is naturally meant to induce sympathy, even from an angst perspective it would simply not make sense within the themes and writing of the plot.

So, c!Dream can’t die, and he also can’t stay in the prison forever - the build-up must lead to something, which is logically a breakout. Great… what now?

Well, the Dream SMP prides itself in accurate representation of trauma and mental instability, specifically cc!Tommy and cc!Dream who have pulled it off incredibly during the exile arc.

Now, undoubtedly, after the prison, c!Dream is going to be just terribly traumatized- considering the writers’ past creative decisions, would it make sense for him to play the role of a dangerous, heartless villain in other people’s stories, while completely ignoring the logical fallout of what he’s been through?

In my mind, no. The most possible result is that cc!Dream is going to rightfully portray someone who’s been hurt so much he is broken, scared and tortured into submissions over months of agony and slowly stripping away of his agency, his dignity, his humanity. And that is… not going to be pretty, nor is he going to be in any way the same as before.

After everything, I’d be surprised if he can properly look at shears without shaking. That’s not villain behaviour, that’s the behaviour of someone who needs help.

Which leads me to another point, which is relatability. Believe me or not, there are people out there who heavily relate to c!Dream because they have been through things that allow them to see themselves in the character - abandonment, mental illness, etc. - or who have had destructive mindsets they have struggled to let go of in the past.

To them, as well as to the viewer, redeeming c!Dream could actually be a very good example, showcasing that anyone who has done bad things or has been hurt in the past can learn that it is possible to be better, to move on, to not be stuck in a loop but to actively seek help and then use that support to find the path to healing.

Making c!Dream a better person, who in a way, wins over his past, over his trauma, over the hurt he’s caused, and manages to actually get better… is inspiring, in a sense. It shows that you can abandon unhealthy mindsets, you can find a support group of people who care about you, you can make your life better simply by deciding to be better and then sticking to that, no matter how difficult the process.

This is why I believe that redeeming c!Dream would not be bad writing, but quite the opposite, and that the prison arc is an obvious set-up. Alright, but how does that work with the character? How could someone so widely hated mentally improve in such a seemingly violent and terrible environment? Would it even make sense within the context of c!Dream’s character so far? Well,

Why c!Dream has the capacity for healing and the Dream SMP the ability to provide it;

First of all, let’s remind ourselves that through c!Dream’s entire spiral he wasn’t ever directly given a chance to change. He was regarded as someone to defeat in order to accomplish a happy ending, or as someone who needed to be removed in order to achieve power on the SMP. Ever since the 16th, which is when the corruption of the character is the most obvious, there have been no attempts to reach out or to help him. I do not blame the characters for this - I am simply pointing out that since it has never happened before, we do not know how he would respond, and that, after everything he’s been through, any bit of kindness or compassion towards him will be a new concept he will have to learn to deal with somehow.

This point is especially driven home by the fact that both c!Quackity and c!Sam would often tell him he is a monster who deserves nothing but to suffer, and that what he’s going through is never going to amount to all the hurt he’s caused - basically removing any possibility for ever getting better (because by this logic, he doesn’t deserve support, and he doesn’t deserve to get better) from his line of sight.

He also hasn’t had a support system since shortly after the 16th, when his friends left him over c!George’s dethronement and made no effort to mend their relationship afterwards. c!Dream isn’t used to having allies and people on his side, but to being hated; again, wouldn’t that mean positive reinforcement could very well be all he needs to make the choice?

His bad mindsets - attachments are weakness, ends always justify the means, people will consider you a bad person no matter what you do - have been continuously proven right by his environment, even in prison. Any kind of subversion, plus an explanation as to why they are wrong, could be of great help to c!Dream.

Just another disclaimer; I do not believe c!Dream would change thanks to the treatment in prison, but rather despite it. His mental stability is non-existent at that point, and in order to get better he needs genuine emotional support from the people around him as well as to heal before he can redeem himself.

Alright, but… c!Dream has hurt a lot of people. Who would be fit to help him?

Let’s start off with the worst option and why it’s impossible the writers would even attempt this; c!Tommy.

c!Tommy has no responsibility to help or ever forgive c!Dream - not to say he could. The two, as it is, would drag each other down instead of helping in any capacity, and only make matters worse. The two of them shouldn’t even interact in the best case scenario - the best thing for both of them would be if they got enough healing and support individually that they could live around each other and not get their trauma or toxic habits triggered when interacting for whatever purpose of the plot.

So, if not c!Tommy (and c!Tubbo neither by extension), who could redeem c!Dream?

Well, he can’t do it on his own for sure. Being in nature with animals is nice, but further isolation from other people would merely help with the prison trauma, not with the state of his tendencies when interacting with others. He, once again, needs positive reinforcement from other people for him to heal properly.

There are two main options for this in my mind, and then there’s a few individuals he could also find comfort in, including people from both groups or those unaligned.

1) Kinoko Kingdom

From the people of this new country, c!Dream has never negatively interacted with c!Karl before, he has never hurt c!George and he hasn’t directly harmed c!Sapnap. Although the relationship with his old friend group could be difficult to rekindle, none of them have grudges against him that are too personal, and they have been canonically close friends since the beginning of the SMP, so it would be very much possible to rebuild burnt bridges. They’d be familiar, and with the addition of c!Karl they could be a good source of comfort for c!Dream after he either breaks out or is released from prison - just gotta convince c!Sapnap not to kill him first.

2) The Syndicate

From the Syndicate, c!Dream has never directly interacted with c!Nikki, and from what I know of her character she never seemed to be very affected by his actions - even doing his work for him when he was planning to burn down the L’Mantree. c!Techno is an ally who doesn’t have anything against him, and as for c!Ranboo, here is why I believe c!Dream being in the Syndicate could be positively influential on his character arc as well;

c!Ranboo and c!Philza have had a conversation about change, during which c!Ranboo made it clear he thinks everyone can change except for c!Dream; who, in his mind, is “too deep down the rabbit hole”. c!Philza replied that he thinks anyone can change if given enough time.

… you see what I’m getting at?

c!Dream has been implied to be an ally to c!Ranboo’s enderwalk state (or the state when he has access to his full memory), and hence would most likely not behave negatively towards him at all. While it might make it more difficult for c!Ranboo to deal with his own issues, it might also give him more motivation to get to the bottom of it as well, especially since he now has access to the person who, presumably, started this all. While this is going on, c!Dream would show himself in a much different light than c!Ranboo sees himin, which could lead to confusion, realization of the flaws in his own logic, and hence, positive character development.

Here’s a great post about why c!Techno as a character could be a great asset in c!Dream’s healing process & redemption, and why there is not much need to worry about him not knowing or finding out about c!Dream’s actions.

Of Kinoko Kingdom and the Syndicate, as far as I know, neither c!Tommy nor c!Tubbo have ever been directly involved with these groups, nor are they planning to.

Another important point to make is that, while c!Tommy needs to be kept away from c!Dream in order to heal properly, the same goes for c!Quackity and c!Sam in c!Dream’s case. While c!Quackity has high chances to interact with either Kinoko Kingdom or the Syndicate in the future, there’s an even higher chance, in that situation, that c!Dream would be offered protection, which is also important; there is no healing from trauma without the knowledge of safety, to some degree.

So, this was an essay as to why I think c!Dream’s recovery and redemption (one needs to come before the other, naturally) is not only extremely possible but also could be pulled off well and have a positive impact on both the characters, and the audience.

[makeste]

“...and I bullied him.”

hello, hello, good afternoon or evening or whatever time it is. so by now we’ve all had some time to bask in those “Kacchan admitted he cares about Deku” feels (well, technically they were “All Might pointed out that Kacchan was worried about Deku and Kacchan didn’t deny it” feels, BUT THOSE MIGHT AS WELL BE THE SAME FEELS, YOU KNOW). and it’s been lovely. I’ve been having a time. it’s been nice.

but now I would like to talk a bit more about a part of this chapter which I think was even more important.

for me, this was the line of the chapter. this one panel may honestly be the biggest piece of Kacchan character development since all the way back in chapter 120. “I ended up bullying him.” okay but guys?? can we just talk?? about how absolutely extraordinary this one sentence is.

it’s self-aware.

introspection? from a kid who’s had to be dragged kicking and screaming to every character development milestone he’s ever experienced in his life? and on an emotional level that actually goes deeper, and doesn’t just stop at the surface-level anger that’s so often his instinctive reaction to everything? who are you and what have you done with Bakugou Katsuki lol.

but seriously, the level of self-analysis here almost stunned me, guys. not only does he demonstrate a very impressive level of insight into Deku (something I especially love because it mirrors the many analyses Deku has made of him, and shows that the understanding between them is actually mutual), but he also shows an unprecedented degree of insight into himself. like, historically speaking, Bakugou and Feelings have not always exactly been on the same page, you know? so for him to suddenly get so thoughtful now, and sincerely try to analyze these feelings which up until now he’s always ignored and avoided dealing with... that is such a huge step. also, bonus points: he recognizes it as a problem within himself, and doesn’t try to pin the blame on Deku in any way. he recognizes that he’s the one who reacted badly to Deku’s behavior. to be able to examine your own feelings like that and arrive at a conclusion that acknowledges that you’re not the good guy in this, that you’re the one who made the mistake -- that takes a level of accountability that not everyone possesses.

it’s self-prompted.

okay this one is a big deal honestly. no one put a gun to Katsuki’s head here and forced him to confess this. all All Might said was “you’re worried about him too” and that somehow prompted a level of emotional honesty that Katsuki has never before shown. now, based on the fact that the successors’ notebook is still fresh in Katsuki’s mind, and that All Might mentioned earlier that Aizawa couldn’t help because he was “busy at the moment”, this conversation likely took place shortly after the kids returned from their New Year’s break. meaning that this was basically right after the Endeavor internship arc, when thoughts about seeking atonement were still fresh on Katsuki’s mind. so this isn’t entirely out of the blue; it shows that Katsuki did, in fact, learn exactly what All Might was hoping he would learn from Endeavor.

but it’s one thing for this to be on his mind, and another thing entirely for him to actually confess it out loud. and I absolutely will give him full credit for that. he admits, without anyone forcing him to, that he bullied Deku. there’s no incentive for him to do this whatsoever. Deku isn’t there to hear it. he’s not admitting it for the purposes of seeking forgiveness. he’s simply just being honest, and owning up to what he did because he realizes it was wrong. and that takes a lot of inner strength, to do that. to not shy away from it and keep pretending like it never happened. this is a huge first step for him.

it’s a confession that leaves him emotionally vulnerable.

this is another big one. it’s not always evident because he makes a big effort to downplay it, but Katsuki looks up to All Might every bit as much as Deku does. he seeks his approval, he wants All Might to be proud of him, even though he very often puts on a big show of not caring about it at all. it means a lot to him. a lot.

and Katsuki knows how much All Might cares about Deku. and sure, All Might is already perfectly aware that Katsuki and Deku aren’t exactly on the best of terms, and he’s always been understanding about it; always gently compassionate and attempting to smooth things out between them without being judgmental.

but All Might also doesn’t know everything about the two of them. and even with Kacchan and Deku’s relationship never exactly being on the most rock solid of terms at U.A., there’s still a vast difference between the way they interact there, and the way that they interacted back in middle school. when Katsuki was not only hostile, but occasionally downright cruel. and when Deku was still quirkless, and very much not on equal footing with Kacchan in terms of power, and yet Kacchan bullied him anyway.

what Katsuki is confessing here puts him at risk of rejection from one of the people whose opinion of him matters the most. he’s opening himself up to the possibility that All Might might not, for once, react with his trademark understanding. he’s admitting to All Might, I did something unherolike, and I hurt someone you care about, and I didn’t have a good reason for doing it. All Might, in the moment immediately following this statement, has an incredible amount of power over Katsuki. he has the ability to withdraw his support, to condemn him, to pull away and decide that Katsuki is not someone worthy of becoming a hero after all. he has all the power in the world over Katsuki in this one moment; a rejection from him would be a blow he’d never recover from.

and Katsuki, knowing this, tells him anyway. willingly opens himself up to that possibility of being hurt, of being rejected and shunned by the person who inspired his dream. because the alternative is being dishonest with him. this is, in short, a decision made because he believes All Might deserves to know this, and deserves to hear the truth from him. he wants his approval so badly, but he can’t live with the knowledge that he’s “tricked” him into giving it. so he tells him the truth, ready to face whatever consequences might arise from that. and I think that might be one of the bravest things he’s ever done.

it’s not attempting to shirk responsibility.

this, right here, is why Katsuki is my favorite character. because even though he’s flawed, even though he’s made a lot of mistakes, when he realizes that and is confronted by it, he never tries to hide from them. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: to me, the essence of Katsuki is that he is someone who is always trying to be better. he wants to be a good hero; he wants to be a good person. when people point out to him that he’s done something wrong, he listens. it doesn’t always sink in right away, sure, and sometimes he gets stubborn and it can be hard to hammer that truth in. but once he gets it, he always makes the change. he never tries to make excuses. he owns up to his shit and does his best to course correct.

with this acknowledgement here, that he bullied Deku, there’s no attempt on his part to say that it was Deku’s fault, that Deku shouldn’t have done this or that. he doesn’t blame his parents or his teachers or try to act like he didn’t know any better. he makes no attempt whatsoever to justify it. it’s just simple, honest truth. back then, I ignored my own weakness, so I ended up bullying him. it’s a plea of guilt. no attempt to mitigate it or downplay it. the verb he uses, “ijimeta”, doesn’t water it down.

“to ill-treat; to torment; to be cruel to.” there’s no attempt here to paint this in a flattering light at all. which is good. because in order for him to really atone for it, to really go the distance in his redemption arc which we’re all rooting for him to do, the most important step is for him to take responsibility. he can’t learn from it if he’s trying to hide from it or make excuses for what he did wrong. he has to fully acknowledge his mistakes. and that’s exactly what this is.

it shows remorse.

that’s right y’all. they sent my boy out to do an internship with Endeavor over the holidays, and he came back having learned the true meaning of Christmas. his heart really did grow three sizes. honey badger does care.

there is genuine, sincere remorse for his actions here. he’s sorry for what he did. he regrets what he did. there’s real contrition there. it’s not forced or insincere. again, nobody made him say this! nobody pressured him, nobody led him on. these are his own feelings. I bullied Deku. I shouldn’t have done that to him. I want to atone for it.

I know some people in fandom don’t think this is enough. the same thing happened with Endeavor as well. people aren’t always satisfied with restorative justice; they want retribution. they want punishment for his actions. and that’s a natural feeling; it stems back to that instinct of wanting everything to be fair, which I mentioned in another meta not too long ago.

but the thing is, retributive, punitive justice doesn’t actually help anyone. it doesn’t restore what was lost. Katsuki being punished doesn’t do anything to undo what was done to Deku. it doesn’t do anything to heal the harm that was dealt. it doesn’t do anything to make things better for either of them moving forward.

but do you know what does? restorative justice. making amends. which is exactly what this is building up to now.

it shows an understanding that remorse is not enough, and that in order to move forward he has to take action to be a better person.

Katsuki understands that simply being sorry for what he did is not enough. I suspect that’s one reason why he hasn’t attempted to apologize to Deku yet; because he recognizes that after years of tormenting him for stupid and self-centered reasons, a simple apology might seem meaningless at best and self-serving at worst. it puts pressure on Deku to make a decision to either accept or not accept it. Katsuki saw the Todoroki siblings struggling with a similar conflict not too long ago. and he knows better than anyone else how selfless Deku can be. “deep down, he doesn’t take himself into account, y’know?” and so if Katsuki simply apologizes, Deku might end up offering forgiveness that he doesn’t actually deserve, just because Deku is that kind of person who puts others above himself.

and so rather, what Katsuki has opted to do for now is to put all his efforts into helping Deku. he knows Deku is in a considerable amount of danger. he knows how much Deku has on his plate with the SIXQUIRKS and trying to handle all of that. and he knows there are other potential dangers looming which they don’t even know about yet. he’s been alert and anxious about this -- you saw how quickly his mind leaped to worst-case scenarios about the past OFA users; how he was sure that All Might was hiding something from them, and how agitated and apprehensive he got thinking about what that might be.

“I’m worried for him. you are, too,” All Might said. and Katsuki didn’t deny it. didn’t even try. he is worried about Deku. he’s worried about what he has to face. he’s worried about him getting in over his head and something happening to him. and so the way that he has chosen to try and atone is to help him. with his training, with his quirks; whatever he can do. if he needs to push him he’ll push him. whatever he can do to help make him stronger. and if he needs to protect him, he’ll do that too.

atonement is not the same thing as forgiveness. atonement is about trying to make up for what you did, to try and correct your mistakes however you can. it doesn’t mean you’re pardoned from them. all it means is that you’ve acknowledged them, and are doing your best -- doing whatever you can -- to repair the harm done, and to be a better person going forward. and sometimes there is no way to ever completely make up for it. sometimes you can’t undo the harm, because you can’t go back and change the past. the only thing you can change is the now, and the future.

and so Katsuki is trying to atone. he’s trying to be the friend Deku deserves now, since he wasn’t before. he’s trying his best to make things right, and it all starts with this one sentence. that acknowledgement of what he did, of what can’t be changed. acknowledgement of the mistake, so that he can learn from it, so that it never happens again.

so yeah. BnHA Redemption Arcs strike again. Horikoshi you smooth son of a bitch.

[ilikekidsshows]

What do you think Gabriel feels for Nathalie? Contrasting their villain partnership with the way he's always disregarding everything about Adrien, it almost feels like she ranks higher than his son, although that may just be coz she is his only support/confidante. I was rewatching Felix and the way he reacted to Adrien giving his blessing made me wonder if it was so harsh coz he does recognize on some level that she is replacing Emelie, even for him, but if he admitted that to himself, then heP1

P2 would be forced to deal with the fact that what he's been doing was pointless and a mistake and he doesn't want to do that. There's probably also some layers we don't know about yet, since he keeps mentioning a promise, but his justification has always been that he's doing all this out of love and for their family and that makes it ok. If he acknowledges that's not or no longer true... Idk, it would be another parallel between him and Marinette if he was in love with his partner but in denial

I brought up in my Adrien/Nathalie character foiling analysis that Gabriel respects Nathalie's autonomy more than he does Adrien's and that this is most likely because, when given the freedom to choose, Nathalie will choose whatever will align with Gabriel's desires, while Adrien wants to make decisions for his own benefit, even when his decisions are in conflict with Gabriel's desires. Gabriel is fundamentally a selfish man. His wife's death/illness is all about him. He wants to bring her back for himself, since he certainly hasn’t consulted Adrien about it, and Adrien is not allowed to move on because Gabriel doesn't want to move on.

It's the duty of every parent to feed, clothe and care for their child to the best of their abilities, and even that Gabriel does selfishly: Adrien has to eat at home, where Gabriel can keep an eye on him, Adrien has to wear Gabriel Brand clothes to promote his father's company every moment he's out and about and Adrien is only involved in Gabriel's life as an employee, except that at least one employee gets to take liberties with Gabriel Adrien would never be allowed. Nathalie can question Gabriel, she can bring forth her own opinions without him snapping, and she can touch him without him flinching; there’s a difference in his reactions between Adrien hugging him in ‘Captain Hardrock’, and Nathalie embracing him in ‘Timetagger’. In addition, Adrien can't even pick his friends because Gabriel hasn't vetoed everything beforehand.

During the liveblog my bro and I saw a connection between Gabriel's obvious affection towards Nathalie and Adrien's obvious affection towards Marinette, my brother even coined the term "Just-a-Friend Mayura" for moments where the villain partnership read a lot more like a personal partnership than a partners in crime type of relationship. However, Gabriel might be a self-centered man, but he knows love, and I've earlier drawn parallels to Gabriel's pursuit of Emilie and Marinette's pursuit of Adrien being similarly one-sided (for now) endeavours. It is very likely that Gabriel is aware of the chemistry between him and Nathalie and is simply willfully ignoring it rather than being oblivious, just like Marinette is ignoring her feelings for Cat Noir that could challenge her dedication to Adrien.

This is why Nathalie's closed off nature is a key factor. Because Nathalie is so content to simply suffer in silence for love, Gabriel can enjoy the intimacy between them while never facing his feelings for her. Even in their villainous partnership Nathalie is much more Gabriel's partner than his kwami, Nooroo. This is because Nooroo tries to serve as the angel on Gabriel's shoulder, a balancing element. One of Nooroo's more iconic interactions with Gabriel is encouraging him to spend more time with Adrien. But Gabriel is too self-centered to seek compromise with Nooroo, or value his opinion, preferring to scare him into quieting his dissenting opinions with the threat of actually silencing him. Meanwhile, because Nathalie doesn't challenge his priorities, Gabriel relies on her a great deal, and Nathalie, in return, helps him draw together his plans.

Statistically, widowed men have a harder time mentally and emotionally than widowed women, because it's rarer for men to have a support network that could help them deal with their loss. For many married men, the wife is the only source of emotional support. As it is, Nathalie has very much become the "replacement wife" in this sense, being Gabriel's only support network in Emilie's absence. And it's so easy to love the one person who's the only constant in a life that's going through upheaval. The closeness in the Ladynoir relationship is also based on this, "You and me against the world" and all that.

[punkclowngod]

if you're willing to answer, what are some things you wish people knew about hpd? sorry if this question is hard to respond, i'm simply asking because there's not much accessible information out there about the disorder.

hi, i just saw this now, i’m sorry if you sent this a while ago!!

i’m really glad you asked, so to answer your question; i really wish people knew how much influence they have on ppl with hpd. how literally anything they do can make us change a major thing in our life, can make us do anything so we’re more likeable to them. how easy it is to develop an eating disorder, hypersexuality, sexual trauma, depression or anxiety because of the fear of not being good enough/loved enough. how we’re willing to change so much about ourselves so we’re more likely to be loved. how empty it is we feel inside when we’re not getting an immense amount of attention, and how that does not make us bad people. i wish people knew how to make an effort to be more patient and vocal about their feelings towards us. i wish people knew there is nothing wrong with attention seeking and dramatic behaviour. i wish people would know that for a histrionic, attention is more important than oxygen. and i’m not asking people to dedicate their life to someone they know has hpd (tho i’m not against it lol), i just wish they knew how more influenceable and bendable we are and to see the fun in it instead of taking advantage of it.

i think it’s really important for people to realize that attention seeking isn’t a bad thing and doesn’t actually harm people, and ignoring someone doing things for attention just makes them at risk of doing actual dangerous things. people often ignore me to try to calm me down, but it just ends up with me doing fucked up things for attention, and while i am at fault, i still do believe that it is everyone’s responsibility to take care of those around them. just smiling or laughing at a joke someone made can already be a good way to avoid them going one step further for attention.

interacting with someone with hpd isn’t gonna kill you, and chances are you’ll end up making a loyal and passionate friend if you treat them right. and of course it’s harder to deal with someone that’s mentally ill, but it’s not an actual challenge if you communicate. people with hpd live fast and get over things quickly to make more place for new people and new attention, so of course we’re not easy people to be friends with or to have any kind of relationship with, but we are still living beings with brains and conscience, and chances are if you’re honest with someone with hpd (“i like your friendship but i’m busy and won’t be able to talk much in the next few days; please remember i still care about you and i’m here for you”, “i’d like it if you stopped flirting with other people, it makes me uncomfortable, i’d prefer you being only flirtatious with me”, “i’m not comfortable being touched by people, it’s nothing personal, i just don’t like being hugged or having my hair played with etc”, and things like that), we’re gonna understand and respect your boundaries. you just need to be clear, especially about boundaries, because ppl with hpd will seek a lot of attention with physical touch, flirting, sex, etc, and we forget not everyone is comfortable with it. every time someone with hpd does something that makes you uncomfortable, tell them as soon as they do it! maybe it’s because i also have autism and adhd, but if you don’t tell me right away, i’ll forget what i did when you’ll bring it up later and won’t be able to adjust to your boundaries.

so really, i wish people just saw us as living beings and not just burdens, and that people prioritized honesty and boundaries with us

thank you so much for asking, i hope this helped, and if anyone has anything else to add please do!!

[furys-mercy]

Mimble is no expert on such things (and neither am I), but this Polyamory business seems terribly complicated for Mr Mercer. I mean he has a husband, a girlfriend and two boyfriends.

How does he spread himself (so to speak) between them? Does he find different qualities in each relationship? Does he play a different role in each? And are they very compartmentalised or do they have relationships (of whatever kind) together?

Apologies if it is too personal a question. Please ignore if so! :(

It would just be nice to know how many names to put on the card if Mimble were to send one to AM Steelworks next Starlight Celebration...

As a polyamorous person, myself, I am always happy to answer questions. :D

I'll answer each question one by one and then add some bits at the end... probably.

How does he spread himself (so to speak) between them?

Mercer lives with three of his partners. His husband (Khala), his girlfriend (Yhta), and one of his boyfriends (Elrick). They all cohabitate (when they are not off adventuring or getting into trouble) in a seaside house in the Mists. This means it's a bit easier for him to spend time with the three of them as they are typically more readily available to him, assuming everyone is home and not off doing whatever dangerous thing they've been roped into this time. Mercer's other boyfriend (Tai) does not live there, but it is not at all uncommon to find Tai at AM Steelworks. Either helping Mercer with whatever outlandish project he's taken on now, or catching up on the recent goings-on. There's not a set schedule as they are all very busy people with many responsibilities, but they do their best to make time for each other and have been doing a pretty bang up job of it, I'd say since Mercer has been with Khala, Yhta, and Elrick for several years in real-time.

Does he find different qualities in each relationship?

Oh absolutely. Each relationship is its own entity and is different and separate from the others. Sure, there are similarities in that he can go to any one of his partners for comfort, cuddles, or general support for anything he might need, but that doesn't mean there aren’t differences in how the relationships feel and function. While Mercer and Khala have ended up in adventuring-type situations before, that's not something Khala usually seeks out for himself. So, if Mercer is looking to test his mettle against huge beats, raid dilapidated castrums for parts, or traipse through Allagan ruins, he's far more likely to do that sort of thing with Elrick, Tai, or Yhta. Just like if he's in the mood to have a night in with a good romance novel his companion is almost certainly Khala. It's difficult to reduce the relationships down to such short descriptions as all of them have very complex and long-running histories, but the ship tags I use, are actually pretty good for that.

Guard My Heart is for Khala and Mercer (@khalacrumbles) and is intended to represent how they were both in fragile places when they met and found solace and comfort in each other. As they built themselves up they have become fiercely defensive of each other, wanting to make certain that neither one ends up back where they were before.

Magick and Machina is for Yhta (@little-purple-thundercloud) and Mercer and is probably fairly self-explanatory. These two find all sorts of ways to do ill-advised things with Yhta's immense magical prowess and Mercer's skills as a magitek engineer. While these interactions are at the core of their relationship they fell in love with each other due to shared feelings and kinship of spirit. There are things that they both feel the only the other will understand.

Double Trouble is for Mercer and Elrick. What a lovely pair of bad idea bears these two are. Both have a hankering for adventure and a taste for danger and this means that they egg each other on in these behaviors. You won't find many couples who think their perfect date night is scrounging around Allagan ruins and fighting off whatever monsters may come past. But that's exactly what you would find these two doing. Or snuggling because Elrick is a giant cinnamon-flavored cupcake.

The Crow and Dragon is for Tai(@scales-claws-and-thorns) and Mercer. Ok. So, this one isn't really very descriptive of their relationship at all. Oops. These two are, for lack of a better word, Intense. But I figure that is to be expected from a love that bloomed during the actual end of the world and where one of them meant to kill the other when they first met. This relationship is also rooted in a sort of recognition of things about themselves in the other. Not to mention a significant amount of respect for how they handled very difficult times, loss, and family. Tai is also one of Merc's tek buddies. So, projects abound.

Does he play a different role in each?

I'd say yes, given that each relationship is different and each partner wants and needs something different. For example, Mercer can often be found protecting Khala from the harsher aspects of combat and adventuring, where he wouldn't do that with any of his other partners, all of whom are either skilled adventurers, combatants, or soldiers in their own rights.

I will say that Mercer does not practice hierarchical poly, so you won't hear him refer to anyone as his primary partner. Nor will the term secondary partner be used. As far as he is concerned no relationship ranks above another and he would never do anything to suggest such a thing.

And are they very compartmentalized or do they have relationships (of whatever kind) together?

Mercer's little polypod has a lot of... overlap. And it can be a bit confusing to explain. So, for the short answer, there is overlap, and the members of what we call "the pod" often have relationships with each other. Whether those are romantic or platonic depends.

The long explanation:

Yhta and Elrick are dating and were an established couple prior to Mercer beginning to date either one of them.

Khala and Yhta are also dating. Their flirtation started prior to Mercer and Yhta's relationship, but Mercer and Yhta somehow became an item before they did.

Khala and Yhta also share another partner, Kurenai. Mercer is not romanticall involved with her, but the two are friendly.

Khala and Elrick are also, rather obviously, friendly as they live in the same house.

Tai is the slight outlier in that he's not especially close to anyone else Mercer is dating. However, Mercer did date his sister, Lazne, once upon a time and that was an interesting thing to discover and is an interesting thing to see play out.

#polyproblems

So, that's the short of it, really. Or the long of it, I guess. Since this did go on for a fair bit. I will say, that all poly relationships are different and all polycules will look different based on what works for the folks in them. My RL relationships don't look anything like Mercer's (and I certainly don't have the time or spoons for four relationships). This is just to say that I don't speak for all poly people or all poly relationships either in fiction or in real life.

Thanks for the ask! If you have any other questions, I am always happy to answer.