#-unlovable for it.
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sorry. things i wish you said sabrina carpenter. nobody look at me.
#gonna be a hell of a diary entry tonight i tell you what#bagel babbles#the way i’ve not been in a relationship in like. a year and a half now. and for weeks now i’ve just been experiencing wave after wave-#-of heartbreak all over again. the way that also compounds with like.. feelings of loss and displacement over not really finding myself as-#- a teen due to queerness. so now i’m an adult and i feel left behind. all my peers in relationships or dating and i feel like a child#and like. idk idk i know this is so much to just be putting out onto tumblr#and i know its not entirely rational bc if i think about it there have been so many people i’ve found attractive and not said anything-#-about it to them. but man.. never in my life have i actually had someone feel that about me. and i feel so completely undesirable and -#-unlovable for it.#that’s enough for right here though. i’m gonna go be more thoughtful about this shit on paper
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I Can’t Help But Wonder
Odysseus, who just violently and mercilessly murdered 108 or so men, who claims in the next song that he’s no longer a kind or gentle man, actively listens to Telemachus and kindly and gently responds to everything his son’s expressed.
Telemachus asks, “Am I like you? Am I strong like you? Will you embrace me? Will you love and accept me as yours?” He says, “I’ve felt so alone.”
And Odysseus claims him in a heartbeat, answering, “My son. My boy. My sweetest joy I’ve ever known. I embraced you twenty years ago. I’d do the impossible for you. I’d die for you.” He says, “Seeing the men here today, I can only wonder what you’ve been through for twenty years. My son, you’re already strong. You’re my own. You’re not alone. I’m home.”
And then they fucking embrace.
#don’t mind me I’m just over here sobbing#something something Odysseus being an attentive loving father drenched in blood#the way he literally responds to everything#he says ‘you are MY SON I’ve never stopped embracing you’#‘I may be deranged and unhinged after years of torment but I’ll be damned before I let you think you’ve ever been unloved by me’#the instrumentals reflect it too#Tele’s piano is hesitant and very faint during his part overwhelmed by Ody’s guitar#the moment ody starts singing the piano blends immediately#Ody’s got open arms for his son#epic the musical#epic#odysseus#epic odysseus#epic telemachus#telemachus#epic the Ithaca saga#the ithaca saga#ithaca saga
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get destiel kissed <3
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on usefulness. on becoming both the blade and the lamb
tumblr user @/divorcefemme // Anaïs Nin // tumblr user @/willowcrowned // Mitski, “I Don’t Smoke” // Lilith Kerr, "bite back" (from unloving the knife)
#web weaving#word webbing#fun fact these are pretty much all from my personal board on tumblr! :)))) help me#anais nin#anaïs nin#mitski#lilith kerr#i don’t smoke#unloving the knife#webweave#words#poetry#parallels#on attachment#on love#on being useful#on being a blade#word weave
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Robotnik saying that he's undesirable to all genders made me realize that he didn't ignore Stone's affection because he doesn't care about him but because he just simply didn't believe that anyone could love him and thought that Stone was only pretending to care about him as a part of his job.
#i mean it was obvious but when he explained it like that and also based on the way he treated stone after everything they've been through#he just thought that he's that unlovable and that someone like stone could never love him#stobotnik#doctor robotnik#agent stone#ivo robotnik#aban stone#doctor eggman#sonic 3 spoilers#sonic movie 3 spoilers#sonic 3#sonic movie 3#sonic the hedgehog 3#sth
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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…
the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
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which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
#dungeon meshi spoilers#mithrun#dungeon meshi#this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme#half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is#someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality#his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though#he says he tried to see the worst in them.#hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on#wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.#but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once#snakes#long post#severe problems#meshy
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In another universe I was happy
#in another universe#in another life#girlblogging#girlblogger#spilled words#photography#a blog for the heartbroken#abandonment issues#depressing quotes#escapism#existentialism#romanticism#born to die#childhood trauma#just girly things#tw depressing stuff#tw depressing thoughts#unlovable#spilled ink#poem#picture#poetry#liminal spaces#sadcore#sadgirl#mentally drained#feelings
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dc injustice is messed up because they write such refreshing yet disgustingly awful takes on every single relationship and person. like how do u misunderstand the core of every character?? can only be consumed when removed from the context of all canon
anyway take 2 people make em obsessed yada yada hand in unlovable hand or whatever
#dc#dc injustice#batman#superman#bruce wayne#brucellosis wayne#clark kent#kal el#i wanna tag:#superbat#but like in the worst way#i hate it#like genuinely#but such thought intrigues#hand in unlovable hand#and i hope you die#i hope we both die#banjo interlude#actually no not superbat#just mental illnesses previously unknown to men
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Who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?
you say you don’t want a boyfriend, but you know that’s not true - Charlotte Green/the voice - Anaïs Nin/the unabridged journals of Sylvia Plath - Sylvia Plath/tolerate it - Taylor Swift/the unabridged journals of sylvia plath - Sylvia Plath/the unexpurgated diary of anaïs nin - Anaïs Nin/ @treebloods/@lovebeing-a-girl/@ sanwtch on instagram/ @onlyanothermundane/@tullispink/I am an observer, but not by choice - @fatimaamerbilal/the prophecy - Taylor Swift/criss cross - Lynne Rae Perkins/Vladimir Mayakovsky in a letter to Lili Brik/what I could never confess without some bravado - Emily Palermo/little weirds - Jenny Slate
requested here
#I know I’m on a hiatus ok#shhhhhh#this was too good to not make asap#lilly’s weaves#poetry parallels#web weaving#quotes#web weave#poetry#book quotes#charlotte green#anais nin#sylvia plath#Taylor swift#Lynne Rae Perkins#vladimir mayakovsky#Emily Palermo#the unabridged journals of sylvia plath#tolerate it#the prophecy#the unexpurgated diary of anais nin#on feeling unloved#on feeling unloveable#on loneliness#on yearning#requests#little weirds#jenny slate#on wanting love#on wanting
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They really made a character like Arthur Morgan and not only gave him crippling self esteem issues, but they gave him confidence so low that he doesn't share his passions with anyone ever.
Like what do you mean Arthur loves to write but thinks he writes like a fool?
What do you mean Arthur loves to draw and is really talented but he doesn't see it that way?
What do you mean Arthur loves the smaller things in life but doesn't feel like he's deserving of good things?
What do you mean there was a whole different side to Arthur that the people he cared about rarely got to see?
What do you mean he lived and died with parts of his life tucked away tight in the pages of the journal that only one other person has ever been able to read?
What a tragedy.
#they really went okay guys here's arthur morgan#he thinks he's ugly and old and unlovable BUT he likes to write and draw#oh and he isn't confident in himself with those either btw#like damn alright :(#poor guy#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#arthur morgan#red dead redemption community#red dead redemption 2 spoilers#oh arthur
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realizing the weasel was so protective over the princess because she reminded him of the little girl that he couldn’t save…… I’m sick. I’m SICK!!!!
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#james gunn made this little freak an unloveable child murderer just to be like SIKE!!!!!!!! now I’m crying over him#creature commandos#dc#gotham#dceu#dc comics
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you are coming down with me / hand in unlovable hand.
#deltarune#kris dreemurr#deltarune fanart#deltarune kris#utdr#I’m going through a crisis but hey haha funny character say funny words#its not my best but its fine. I just started on this 2h ago to stop the spiral#points laughs it’s me! I’m the unlovable one! to care for me is to drag you down with me!#anyways sorry for the inconsistent styles recently.. I’m. yea.#ysart#cw eyestrain#cw knife
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violently sobbing rn
#STEPMOM YOU WILL BE DEALT WITH#HOW DO YOU LOOK AT THAT ANGEL FACE AND SEE A PROBLEM???#FREDRICK CHASE HOW DARE YOU MAKE THAT PRINCESS FEEL UNLOVED#SHES A BABY#MY LITTLE MEOW MEOW#MINIBETH#annabeth chase#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson the lightning thief#percy jackson#percy series#pjo tv#pjo#pjo tv show#leah seava jeffries#little leah#IM ADOPTING HER
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"Basically what happens is, Grace and Max are right about to win. They're right about to do it. And then, there's a groaning. In the floorboards. Suddenly, the staircase gives out beneath Grace and Max, and they fall through the floors. They fall stories. Pieces of wood shove through their chests, and they both are killed."
"But keep this in mind, nothing truly dies in the Waylon house. Grace and Max become ghosts, and they're off doing whatever, but they're no longer involved in the tournament."
So.. that Pit Stop in Hatchetfield tag team deathmatch huh.
#hand in unlovable hand#Pulling pledges last-second to affect the results is FOUL but this was the best possible outcome for them actually.#relative to the death tournament where every other character dies a horrible death anyways#but more importantly. to my entertainment. They win even when they lose.#Terrible for hatchetfield though. Just one of them was enough to be World Ending Cataclysm levels disastrous#and now there's two of them. terrible.#a pit stop in hatchetfield#Ted finally survives a timeline but his friends and family are dead and there are murder ghosts on the loose#nerdy prudes must die#Also tom being the nighthawks coach loredrop. and max being hesitant to fight him#I mean he does anyways but it's the thought that counts right#grace chasity#jagertity#max jagerman#starkid#hatchetfield#hatcherverse#cakeart#Coping about lex and ethan though. swept in my heart
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will posted smth abt every album bday this summer except for self-ish and i thought it was kinda funny
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#art#fanart#will wood#will wood and the tapeworms#will wood fanart#will wood art#my art#also he wanted to find some old stuff for eial 10th anniversary#self-ish is fr the unloved child#will woodlings
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