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silverjetsystm · 1 year ago

Note

𝟷. , 𝟼. , 𝟽. , 𝟿.

Please note that most of this was written on my phone while riding shotgun across The Big Empty. Typos, words that don't make sense, etc. will happen. Also for those who are not @lalamoon, this is Kit and I's universe.

This got out of hand so I put a read more.

CW/TW for drug and alcohol addiction at the very end under read more.

Headcanons Meme | Accepting!

Answering: Sexuality, Marriage, Children, Drugs.

One. Sexuality: They're all bi.

Marc: Got some real internalized biphobia. Pre-Layla, men were mostly because he was Around Lots of Men. He had crushes but there wasn't a lot of Romance. And he's as usual oblivious to people crushing on him. Lots of fucking tho.

Steven: Likes men and women. He kinda treats them both the same. Gentle, romantic, but he's also so focused on his inner world, he misses cues.

Jake: He's very good at reading people. He loves to hang out with people. Dance. Enjoy the moment, whether it's platonic or something different. Sex is enjoyable to him, though his libido adapts to whatever scale his partner is on.

Six. Marriage: WIFE WIFE WIFE WIFE WI-

Marc and Jake did sleep around a lot in the Pre-Layla days. Port in any storm. Steven did have a few days and makeout sessions. a former girlfriend sabatoged him from anything more. So Layla was Steven's first (and Marc was Layla's).

If we have to generalize...

Marc took a long time to say "I love you." He still uses it sparingly. One can see his love through his hands clenched in protection, laced with Layla's, or in building.

Steven says it a lot. Either the three words in English, Arabic, French. Or in their favorite quotes.

Jake will use one bazillion terms of endearment, clever hand, and gift giving.

Layla and the System's marriage is incredibly strong. They've had great struggles and will continue to face it together. Whether or not Marc feels like they can. It's a difficult thing, loving someone who does not see the good in himself. To Marc, Steven and Jake are the good parts of him. At several points, he feels like he should disappear and nothing would be lost.

Of course, that's not true. Layla and Marc were together first. She's stuck with him through thick and thin. They navigate white people bs, antisemitism, racism, Khonshu's manipulations, and Marc's own mistakes. Yknow, being part of the mercenary group responsible for killing Layla's father and his colleagues. Marc did try to save them. Yet, to Marc, it's like he pulled the trigger himself.

Steven's memory is incredibly dicey. When his narrative is thrown off by waves of grief and trauma, his recent memories are tossed out. It's not a deliberate thing. He is distraught every time that he can forget the best parts of his life (such as Layla when Marc's father passed). Like, of course his mother is alive, of course his father is alive. They're both very busy people.

Layla appreciates the interests Steven is interested in and vis versa. They have in-depth, romantic conversations about their favorite poets, artists, and yknow. Archeology. He loves spending time with her. Getting fancy and going out on the town. Staying in and enjoying each other's company. While people making comments about him aren't on his radar (being a vegan, for example), Layla definitely picks up on that and reads em for filth.

Our favorite legend Jake doesn't need being called in (Marc) or particulars (Steven). He's everyone's best guy. Friendly, charming, flexible. He's the one Layla can lean on, speak her mind to.

The System and Layla open the Midnight Mission together. It's the biggest sign of their love and lifetime project. They support their community by fist and by mutual aid.

Uh. Anyway.

Seven. Children:

The System and Layla have 2 older kids that are not of their blood.

Unlike 616, the System and Layla remain together, married, and raise their Beam. Like everything else, they struggle with conceiving. (Thanks Khonshu). Layla had an extremely difficult pregnancy. Marc was focused, trying to keep her and the baby alive. So!

Marc fucking struggles with baby Beam. He goes dormant. Steven and Jake take to fatherhood well. Steven is an educator and is very focused on Beam's milestones and health. Jake is used to helping out with cousins and Gena's boys.

Once Marc gets his head out of his head, he does enjoy fatherhood. Beyond grateful he has a wife and daughter. He loves spending time with Beam. Usually he's quiet.

As in the rest of their lives, Layla and the system are a team!

Nine. Drugs.

Steven and Jake do not have Substance Use Disorder. Both (and Marc) enjoy cigarettes, cannabis, and alcohol in social situations. Cannabis does help with some of their physical and mental health.

Marc does have SUD from using alcohol, Vicodin, and oxycodone to self-medicate chronic pain and trauma (losing Layla to The Snap is the straw that broke the camel's back). Khonshu does heal the body and handle the physical effects. But it does take Marc a long time to actually get treatment from not the bird god.

#headcanons #asked and answered #we are mk | system #drugs cw #drug mention cw #v: a tale of moon and scarab

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wordsablaze · 4 years ago

Text

7. of longing and heartache and lust

your beauty hides the pain Lost on the mountain, Jaskier accidentally angers a mage who decides to curse Yennefer with his company and for once, it might actually be a blessing in disguise…

A/N: first chapter of the year and these two get some progress :) @random-nerd-3 @surreal-static @10moonymhrivertam

previous chapter

Jaskier has never loved portals so much.

Well, he’s never loved them at all really, but he finds that he can’t remember how to hate them when Yennefer finally conjures one.

“Gods, I could kiss you for that,” he mutters as he stumbles through.

“Please don’t,” Yennefer mutters back.

He couldn’t even care less about her disgust because he can see an inn and an inn means food and he’s so hungry he could eat a horse. Or maybe not, he’d rather avoid anything that might offend Roach no matter how desperate he is.

While he’s busy wondering if horses would take offence to his hunger, Yennefer brushes past him and orders food. Only when he feels like he’s been placed far too close to a fire do his feet remember to move, at which point he follows her to a table, most definitely not unceremoniously collapsing into a seat.

Neither of them say anything else until after they’ve finished eating, mostly because Jaskier is too tired to think of worthy insults on an empty stomach. Yennefer doesn’t seem to have the same problem if the occasional look on her face that implies she’s holding back her words is anything to go by, and yet she doesn’t break the silence.

Eventually, Jaskier does. “So, uh, what now?”

Yennefer sighs. “Normally, this would be where we part ways.”

“Would it help going back to the mountains?” Jaskier asks, ignoring the fact that he’s meant to be insulted.

A pause, followed by a second sigh. “Loathe as I am to admit it, bard, that’s not a terrible idea,” Yennefer tells him.

Jaskier grins for all of a minute, after which he frowns. “How far away are we from there?”

“What, are you tired already?” Yennefer scoffs.

Bristling, Jaskier folds his arms. “Just because you have your magic to keep you going doesn’t mean you should force the rest of us to match your probably inhuman pace!”

She just raises an eyebrow at him. “Are you trying to use magic as an excuse so you don’t have to admit you’re below me?”

“It’s not an excuse, witch, it’s the truth. You have an unfair advantage.” Jaskier mutters, almost regretting it when Yennefer scowls at him with a rare clench of her jaw that seems to suggest he’s ventured into a sore spot.

Her eyes are ablaze with something like injustice when she meets his gaze with a sharp glare. “There is nothing fair about having advantages and I have every right to use my magic because I, unlike you with your stolen stories and stolen instruments, have earned my advantage, with and without chaos.”

She stands and almost literally storms off without waiting for his response, seemingly forgetting about their current predicament. As it is, Jaskier scrambles to catch up with her, managing to grab his lute before he’s all but forced up the stairs. He doesn’t make it to the room she seems to have bought though, because she slams the door shut behind her.

“Really?” Jaskier asks the wood, but guilt has already bloomed inside him and he finds he can’t blame her this time. With a soft exhale, he just settles cross-legged on the floor, leaning against the door and rubbing his aching feet.

It’s not a problem until someone who must work at the inn marches up to him. “If you’re not going to pay for the room, you owe us a performance,” he barks.

Jaskier groans; apparently Yennefer hadn’t exactly bought the room.

“I completely understand but you see-”

“You’re holding a lute,” the man interrupts, eyebrows raised.

Jaskier nods quickly. “Yes, very observant of you but I’m afraid I wouldn’t do a performance justice just yet. It’s been a long few days and so maybe-”

“You can always pay instead,” the man suggests, only it’s more like a warning.

“I would, I really would, but my- uh, my travelling companion has our coin and I-”

The man cuts him off again, this time by grabbing his arm and yanking him upright. Jaskier yelps, already knowing he’s going to bruise, and attempts to plant his feet. Before he can try to explain, the man tugs harder and, apparently on a strict diet of muscle feed, easily forces him along.

“Wait, wait! Please, I swear we’ll pay, just-”

“Save your breath for your singing. We have rules, you know,” the man grumbles.

They get to the bottom of the stairs before Jaskier finally stops protesting and gives in, taking a moment to steel himself before starting to perform, doing his best not to make it obvious he’s trying to stay as near to the stairs as possible as he circles the room, pointedly ignoring the makeshift stage in the far corner because committing to it would likely make him cry.

Not that his tears aren't tempted to fall anyway because every time he moves around, he's distinctly reminded that he's on some kind of leash that keeps trying to guide him back towards Yennefer. Though guide is perhaps too kind a word for the spikes of burning that flare up on and under every inch of his skin until he makes his way back to nearer the stairs, at which point said spikes fade into less intense but still unmissable aches.

He manages three songs before his knees quit on him and he has to lean against the wall to avoid crashing into a table and accidentally starting a fight. “I’m going to have to... continue... later in the evening, please,” he manages, breathing heavily.

The innkeeper - not the man from earlier, so Jaskier has no idea who that was - nods at him, apparently satisfied, and he wastes no time in dragging himself back up the stairs, flopping to the floor and propping himself up on the door of the room they’ve now paid for again.

Five seconds later, the door opens.

His head hits the floor with a thud as Yennefer curses from somewhere above him.

“Sorry,” he mumbles through the haze of pain.

“You couldn’t just say no?” she asks, her tone bitter.

He blinks at that, forcing his eyes open and frowning when he sees her visible grimace. “I tried! It wasn’t like I enjoyed it but I thought you… I mean- what about all your magic?” he asks awkwardly.

Yennefer shrugs, nudging his legs out of the doorway so she can close the door before settling on the bed. “Magic is not an automatic painkiller, bard.”

Wait.

“But you- back at the- and… hang on, what?”

Yennefer snorts. “I see all that studying paid off.”

Jaskier rolls his eyes, winces when that seems to irritate his headache, and sits up, shuffling along the wall until he’s directly opposite the bed because he really can’t get enough of the pure calm washing over him now that the two of them are close together again.

“Why didn't you appear to be in pain before?” he asks carefully.

Several moments pass before Yennefer looks at him. “I’ve lived with pain longer than you’ve been alive.”

Oh. Well now he just feels like a terrible person for making assumptions. He knows a lot of words but not enough for him to come up with a suitable reply for being ignorant of causing someone agony so he just goes with, “I’m sorry.”

“For being an idiot?”

Jaskier shakes his head. “I’m sorry you’ve had to live with pain,” he clarifies softly.

A strange look passes over Yennefer’s face and just when he thinks she’s going to just turn her back to him, she nods. “I could almost say the same to you.”

“Almost,” Jaskier echoes, because he’s not exactly sure what she means by that but he’s fairly certain he hasn’t gone through even a fragment of what she seems to have.

Either way, she accepts his apology and graces him with a smile before finally lying down properly. Any other time, he’d tease her for already needing more beauty sleep by midday but since his own eyes are drooping - being in pain is incredibly exhausting, thank you very much - he just offers up a quiet “sleep well” and rests his head on his lute case.

He’s not sure if he only imagines the returning whisper of “likewise”.

i'm sure innkeepers were usually more understanding but like *gestures vaguely* plot devices, yknow?

thanks for reading! | masterlist | witcher blog: @itsjaskier | next chapter

#someday i'll crosspost on time but it's not today #yennskier #yennefer of vengerberg #jaskier #yennefer x jaskier #hurt jaskier #hurt yennefer #curses #enemies to lovers #getting together #fanfiction #fanfic #the witcher #my writing #ybhtp

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parappa-and-lammy · 4 years ago

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Disabled OCs 2: Electric Boogaloo

it’s them, they’re here! Or yknow, a chunk of em. i had a LOT backlogged and there are even more in store i have saved away - the ones here are the most fleshed out!

To start, with who appears to already pique peeps interest:

⬆️ Bumble Bea the flower-capybara!

Most notable is her golden and wild long flowing hair. It has green streaks through it, along with plenty of flowers; some grown by her, and others gathered throughout her life. They’re able to stay alive as long as she keeps them in her mane. Definitely the hippie type, she enjoys being around people and in nature. She is friendly towards everyone, and calls them all some variation of “honey” (hun, honey bun, hun bun..,), she’ll even sometimes pluck a flower to give to you!

Her original dream was to be a rockstar sensation, specializing in psychedelic rock. She even has her own custom guitar (which looks like a bumblebee!). Has hyperthyroidism and fibromyalgia - the chronic pain of which made her decide to retire. She’ll come out to play every so often, just not so extensively as before. For now, she simply hangs out with her family and helps them with their own problems.

⬆️ Lonnie Lop the jerboa-rabbit!

Lonnie is a jokester who doesn’t take much seriously. So much so, he sometimes forgets that some topics are off limits. Barely being an adult, he has trouble judging people, and tends to take things at face value. He’s an overly emotional immature thing at times... but he’s discovered that his family is most important to him.

Lonnie wanted to become an idol more than anything way back when - he had the cuteness, the singing skill, the dancing and everything else! But they had all turned him down, and it’s not really a mystery why. He has a stoma on his abdomen and has a colostomy bag - the most decorated and brightly colored ones are his favorite. He is also borderline anemic and has pica - both of which caused an event that led to him getting the stoma in his childhood.

For now, he simply helps his family out with random little jobs. He looks up to Bumble, who he considers his sister. He still insists on becoming an idol somehow.

⬆️ Otto the otter!

He is a jolly old man with a big heart, and a laugh so loud it shakes the building. Some people might be off-put by his openness, but he’s nothing but sincere. He will always set time aside to listen to whatever problems you may be having, though he isn’t exactly the most intellectual. He’s a lil’ confused but he’s got the spirit.

Otto has epilepsy, along with chronic migraines. All his sons and daughters left the nest and got careers in the technological industry, and he’s nothing but happy for them. But he stays away from screens and such. He’s moreso a man that works with his hands. And he does! Whenever he isn’t in the house with his new found family, he’ll be outside working on a project.

After the passing of his wife and his kids going on to do great things, he’s opened his house up for the ones who have no home. Many people have come to call his house ‘home’ and become part of the family. He fosters kids and helps people feel appreciated when they never have. Bumble came by long ago and is officially part of the family. Lonnie was the first foster kid at his home, and also was the first to be adopted by him.

⬆️ Kato the croco-llope and Lea the sheep-leopard!

Lea has high morality, which many remember her for: she shall never speak ill of someone. Never outwardly be rude or mean to someone. She tends to prioritize helping others over herself, even to the point of bringing harm onto herself. At times like these, usually standoffish Kato will step in and stand up for her. They known each other for a very long time - Kato has known her most of his life, and Lea has known him for over a decade now.

Lea was born deaf and is very adept at ASL and reading lips. Kato lost his arm and eye, has hearing loss in his right ear, among other things, due to something that happened long ago. Despite this, he’s become quite skilled at kung fu - even CCMO has commended him, and request he train others at the dojo alongside him.

The two live at Otto’s Foster Home, with Lea having registered to be the full-time caretaker there. She made Kato go through the training and begrudgingly become registered as well, though he now enjoys it. Lea owns a specialized dulcimer while Kato has and can play his adungu. They’ll play as a duet for the kids sometimes, who always enjoy their little performances.

⬆️ Donna the chameleon-iguana!

She herself has barely any recollection of what she’s like. She remembers slipping away... and then ‘waking up’ in PaRappa Town. after an unpleasant run-in with a certain flower girl, Donna is guided towards the Otto home with the help of a kind rapping dog. She was shaken from the experience still, and simply finds vacancy there.

She wasn’t willing to open up to anyone there, yet finds an unlikely friend in someone called Theo. With his roundabout help and the eventual help of the others who live there, she manages to recover from her past experiences and unlock her past, so that she can finally put her best foot forward.

Donna had untreated juvenile arthritis, and now consequentially has joint damage from it, among other things. She wears loose clothes and has long ties attached to zippers in order to help her move with less strain.

⬆️ Theo the bugbot!

He is an old, cranky, pessimist grump who always has something snarky to say. You’d be lucky if he didn’t directly tell you straight to your face. Doesn’t acquaint much with the other people in the Otto household (where he resides), until he met Donna. They form an unlikely friendship - his abrasive attitude was what she needed to address her problems, and in turn, she helps him be less of an ass.

Congenitally amputated legs, so he attaches large wheels to spurs to get around. He also has pulmonary fibrosis that developed from sarcoidosis. He wears a powerful respirator he had built himself everywhere outside of his room. Hoists oxygen tanks on his back thanks to a vest he designed for himself. Theo also has a sort of addiction to chocolate - the one he wasn’t able to kick. He was very self-destructive in his youth, though he begrudgingly takes better care of himself now.

Theo is talented at home improvement, as can be seen with his assisted living tools. Though he’s embarrassed over it for multiple reasons, he can play the hurdy-gurdy quite well, and does so often when he’s alone in his room. He even played for Donna on one occasion, though he wouldn’t dream of showing the other people in the house his playing skills.

⬆️ Angel the anteater and Cupcake the sugar glider!

Angel was an overachieving student at the college, going for a degree in writing, until the day she became sick with what she thought was the flu. But after weeks of rest, she became worse and worse - and was eventually diagnosed with myalgic encephalomyelitis (commonly known as chronic fatigue syndrome). She joined a support group so as not to be alone during this time. and met Cupcake, who instantly took a liking to her.

Cupcake has Crohn’s disease, and visibility problems due to complications with Crohn’s disease. She had to radically change her diet from before; she eats plenty of honey which helps, but misses cocoa products. The two live together in one dorm, with Cupcake not even hesitating to help Angel with whatever she needs. She always wanted to be a nurse, though she was teaching as Home Ec now.

When Angel inevitably loses her schooling and thus her dorm, the two move in together into Otto’s home. Angel gives what she can by helping the kids with their school curriculum. Cupcake helps her with that, and also teaching the kids other things they need to know. Angel is able to play the harp, while Cupcake plays the harpsichord. They make a fantastic duo, both as a duet and otherwise.

⬆️ Gilly Gary the garden snail!

A boy with the voice of an angel, Gilly was one of the foster kids at Otto’s home before being adopted by a quadruplet slug singing group. They all have a dream of being able to make it big performing all over the world - but until then, they perform at small venues all across PaRappa Town. They’ll sometimes even host fundraisers for homes and institutions that need it.

Though Gilly wants to be a star in the singing world, he doesn’t take much seriously. He just wants to goof off and have fun! He and Lonnie would raise trouble together, seeing as they brought the most mischievous side out of each other.

Gilly had his leg amputated at a young age due to a rapidly spreading infection, and uses Lofstran crutches to support himself. He really doesn’t care, though since he’s a bit of a fashionista (he adores the aesthetic of the mid to late 70s), he won’t EVER cut off a pant leg, and resigns to tucking it in instead. It comes in helpful when trying to sneak stuff into the movie theatre haha funni reference

⬆️ Pekh the wolf-rooster!

This is a cheerful, euphoric man who rises up early every day to greet the sun. He is incredibly happy with himself, and chivalrous - anything he has, he immediately gives to someone else. He already knows he’s glorious, so someone else should have it instead! Though, he isn’t really the sharpest beak on the block. He may be easily confused by something you say, but he’d support you all the way.

His kidneys don’t work very well, and so he gets a dialysis 3 days a week, but takes care of his body otherwise. Why wouldn’t he? He’s the best! On his way to the doctor office, he’ll yodel aloud to himself and everyone around, and will continue while getting the dialysis done. He has an AV fistula in his left arm. He wanted the graft, but the fistula was the better option.

Some people are a bit annoyed by his self-euphoria, but others find it endearing. His family (everyone in the Otto household) see him as a beacon of happiness - Lonnie looks up to him, Theo gets irritated by his bubbliness, while everyone else in the house cheers him on.

And that’s the 2nd round of disabled OCs! I had a blast designing them all. I still have so many more that have yet to be 100% done yet (and i even have the first round to shine up and reintroduce)! I’ll see yall when i put up round 3! These were so exhausting to draww

#parappa the rapper #um jammer lammy #disability #OC #original character #sfw

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catboyithaqua · 4 years ago

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Ramuda and Doppo :0

OH MY BOYS LETS GO

Under a cut bc long

Ramuda Amemura

First impression

Baby boy baby. Very cute and sweet i love characters with ramudas aesthetic i tend to want to protect them, especially since its an aesthetic that i fall into myself and lo v e so kseidjsnfn YEAH this man is baby!!!

Impression now

Ohhh my god i love this man i love the way he is characterised he is so incredibly interesting as a character and tbh so realistic and honestly i adore him!!! I alarmingly see a lot of myself in him tbh, were incredibly similar and that isnt necessarily a good thing!! But still i love this man

Favorite moment

Oh man where tf do i BEGIN there are so many ngl, but mostly all of the moments where we see ramuda's humanity. There is still a sweetness left under the darkness, there is still a man who wants to cling onto everything he has - his emotion, his internal battles, his morality vs his desperate need to survive - oh fucking man so much.

Idea for a story

CAN WE FUCKING. HAVE RAMUDA TALK HIS SHIT OUT PLEASE can we just have others actively helping ramuda cAN THIS MAN PLEASE BE SHOWN THAT ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR HIM,,, PLEASE,, i just want ramuda to finally talk out everything and have people on his side. Please.

Unpopular opinion

This probs isnt unpopular by any means, but idk what else to put here so take this:

I dont really see it often discussed that yknow ramuda is an abuse victim. Like, its very clear that chuokhu uses and abuses him, and his life is constantly being hung over his head. No wonder the dude is doing anything he can in order to survive, he has no choice in that regard. Before i get told this in the notes yes i know this doesnt excuse the things hes done!!! But tbh i really think that like the trauma that ramuda is living with kinda needs to be addressed.

Favorite relationship

I am a huge multishipper and have found a way to ship ramuda w just about most people (that are adults and not in chuokhu lol) so this is pretty tough

Id say either fling poly or jkrm and these are my reasons lets go:

Fling poly: HAVE YOU S E E N THEM do i really need to say more here all three of them have such good chemistry together, theyre all clearly on the same wavelength and have such a wonderful dynamic,,, they found out about the clones and shit and they STILL chose to protect ramuda and to fight for him and with him and to stay by his side aND BLACK JOURNEY TOO I-- IM GONNA START SOBBING,,,

Jakuramu: this one is not based on canon too much i am sorry this is mostly hc but i am a huge sucker for enemies to lovers ok also, i feel like out of TDD these two would be the ones to reconcile. After all, jakurai is a rather empathetic man and he probably would def understand the situation that ramuda was in. After all this dude was an ex assassin, if ramuda was to tell him everything, im sure that he would be able to relate to yknow the time he took others' lives, people with families and friends that he killed because he was ordered to and most likely had no other choice. Of course, jakurai is well within his right to not forgive ramuda for what happened to yotsutsuji, but i feel like he would and would help him get out of the situation hes in,,, and also im soft for the TDD era ok like how jakurai WANTED TO KNOW THE REAL RAMUDA AND LIKE,,, even when ramuda snapped at him he was GLAD HE WANTSD TO KNOW HIM FUCK MAN,,, i just really like these two ok

Favorite headcanon

I have quite a lot of hcs! Here are a few and like some explanation as to why:

- hes trans - i personally believe this bc personally itd make sense. Ramuda has a very feminine appearance and build, those that are like typically common in asian countries. As well as that, he has his own autonomy unlike the other clones. It wouldnt surprise me if chuokhu orignally wanted to make a girl to keep the other divisions in check, but when he decided personally that he didnt want to be such a way, they said sure, more room for us to treat you as we want to. Hes got money, getting T wouldnt be that difficult for him either, so thats why his voice is. That way fiaudjsnfnd anyway i think it makes sense!! Idk--

- he has bpd - projection probably but the biggest inspiration for this headcanon is how he is emotionally. His swings are violent - he feels and expresses such a diverse range of emotions and its so easy for him to change his emotional disposition - whilst also mostly feeling totally empty. Relationship wise also, given how he was genuinely really close to jakurai and then completely splitting on him, h a t i n g him. Yeah that sounds like bpd to me chief i know i have it!!! Theres more ik there is but i cant pull up examples rn

- hes neurodivergent - again mostly projection honestly and like there isnt much of a canon basis in his behaviour, just little things, but i like to personally hc that aside from eating candy to stay alive duh, that he chooses lollipops bc they serve as a sort of stim?? Also ik that fashion is his job but hes also so so clearly passionate about it that its a special interest for him, and thats partially why he took it up as a job in the first place, so he could do something related to his special interest lol. Idk i know there isnt any basis for this but just let me have autistic ramuda iaiesjdnsnfn

Doppo Kanonzaka

First impression

Now THATS what i call a tired mf!!! This dude has yves saint laurent eyebags also he really reminds me of aggretsuko somehow??? Im really not sure what it is

Impression now

Yeah i was def right with the aggretsuko comparison siaishsnshfb BUT I LOVEEE HIM i love him very much and i think this man really needs a break and is also very relateable i love

Favorite moment

As much as i love fp i absolutely adore the badass koments that doppo has including when he absolutely fucking obliterated fling posse sksjxnxncn also!! All of his little moments with hifumi i genuinely enjoy their dynamic its so cute

Idea for a story

Honestly i wanna see him slowly recover from the teauma that he has experienced because this king absolutely deserves it, and also from a practical point of view itd make this mf s t r o n g e r i also just.... long to see doppo happy honestly he deserves to smile!!

Unpopular opinion

I dont really have an unpopular opinion but saving like leaving this blank: as much as i absolutely adore jakurai and hifumi and their music (jakurai is my fave out of every hypmic character and i WILL drive this home), to me doppo just has the best music. Like, i love tigridia and BLACK OR WHITE so fucking much its absolutely unreal and all of doppos verses in every song are juust so fucking good. As much as i listen to you are, therefore i am on repeat every day of my life doppos music is just the best ✨

Favorite relationship

Again i am a huge multishipping bitch and i habe a few ships with doppo but in ahll honesty my fave is very clear - i absolutely adore his dynamic with matenrou as a whole and especially hifumi - his relationship with hifumi is clearly so special and it really shows how strong their friendship is, and in a ship sense i find it to be realy cute bc theres such a clear need for each other and that even if they clearly come at odds sometimes, at the end of the days theyre still clearly so close and i just,,, god doppo reallt deserves someone like hifumi in his life and im so glad that he has it!!!!

Favorite headcanon

Honestly i dont really think i have too many for doppo but given his general demeanor and his attitude, i personally hc him as demi. Yeah i know that sexualities dont have like typical personalities and such but i feel like given his anxieties around new people and how he clearly only really sticks to those that hes very close with, it makes more sense for him to be demi than any other sexuality to be quite honest - and this is also just pushing my hifudo agenda aiqiauansnssn but yknow!!!!

#im sorry this took me so long thanks for the ask!!!#hypmic

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yhs--taurtis · 5 years ago

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More monster au stuff!!!

•Taurtis is VERY low maintenance. He is able to eat anything, although usually snacks on dog food cause its cheaper than raw meat Sometimes though, Sam will 'lose' all of the food when he wants to kill someone. After a week of no food, Taurtis is a rabid animal when he eats the corpse. It takes him another week to get him to go to school again

•Grian is a fruit bat vamp! He only snacks on fruits and such, although loves apples and oranges. The smell of blood grosses him out, which is the main thing that led to Taurtis switching from raw to kibble.

•Sam is mainly vegetarian, eating carrots and what not. However, he WILL bare his fangs if need be. Taurtis can attest that an angry bunny is not a scar free experience.

•Chan doesn't. Eat. Sometimes she'll snack on something out of courtesy but she doesn't require the consumption of food. She does, however, love strawberries dipped in blood-chocolate. Its a special treat Taurtis makes her on Valentines day and her birthday

•Back when Salex was alive, she loved sushi!! Her teeth were sharp enough she didn't need to do anything but fucking eat the fish whole. She loved to do it in front of Taurtis bc he became a flustered babe. She specifically liked dangerous fish like Lionfish or Pufferfish because the poison in them could be repurposed into venom for her.

•Yuki, similar to Taurtis, isn't too picky with what she eats. However, unlike him, isn't limited by her options. She's more open to cannibalism thanks to her work in the Mafia, and has indulged in some of Sam's kills. Mainly eats 'human' food because its readily available and less work to prepare compared to killing someone.

•Ellen doesn't have much of a varied meal pallet compared to everyone else thanks to being human. However, their affinity to being a witch has some.... Odd cravings. Spider eyes, bone marrow, owl meat, etc. They don't like to indulge in them, however their eyes do linger.•J eats uh. Not normal shit. Bolts or oil yknow. Sometimes he'll treat himself and give himself something that shocks the shut out of him. He doesn't need to eat all the time so its weird when you see him dump a bucket full of bolts into his mouth during lunch. Just. Don't worry about it.

•Invader, unlike Taurtis, is on a strict meat diet. She eats animals though, and has never nor ever will try human meat. Its very immoral to her, honestly. Eats a lot of beef and pork, and commonly seen biting raw chicken bones in half. crunch crunch

•Thanks to Rowan's position as a teacher he has to eat.... Replacements for human brains. This can range from jello to manmade brains, to even animal brains. He isn't allowed to eat on campus and must be watched by his wife for up to an hour after feeding bc he could go after a student. Its an experience, that's for sure.

•Okami, similar to Chan, doesn't eat. Something abt Adult Moths not eating. However, she does like to snack on maple anything. Its just! Good okay! She'll sometimes bring snacks for her students although they'll usually skip out because she HAS put like. Bugs and such in it.

#monster au #yhs #yandere highschool #yhs sam #yhs grian #yhs taurtis #yhs chan #yhs yuki #yhs j #yhs invader #yhs ellen #yhs salex #yhs rowan #yhs okami #tw food #tw cannibalism #ask to tag

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smile4imagines · 5 years ago

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Could u please write some hcs abt Trevor, Millie, Putunia and Tim Tam (separately please!) hanging out with an older sibling figure?

AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we stan kids having loving older siblings 😤😤

Trevor Garbo, Millie, Putunia, and Tim Tam with an older sibling figure!

Trevor Garbo

the cute little brother that makes AWFUL drawings of wolves and furry stuff but like. he put SO much effort into it so you can’t NOT hang it up on the fridge

likes to stay in his siblings room and tell them all about his “super secret wolf powers” while the sibling just kinda sits there nodding along, a bit confused. he also likes to rant about all his crazy conspiracy theories, like the one where he thinks the guy down the street is a vampire? leave the dude alone kid, just because his name rhymes with Transylvania and he doesn’t like going out in the sun doesn’t mean he’s a vampire.

his FAVORITE THING EVER is when they take him out to like, the woods or a field, and play wolves with him. he’s unfortunately kinda seen as a weirdo at school so his sibling is the only one that’ll actually play with him,,, it’s kinda sad but at least someones having fun with him

the wolf games include: hide and seek/chase (”YOU’RE a small, helpless deer, and I’M a big fast hungry wolf!! you gotta hide and when i find you run or else i’ll catch you!”), house (stacking up logs and leaves to build a “cave” or going into an actual cave while he pretends to be the “leader of the pack. you guys bring in stuffed animals and pretend they’re other members of the pack), and Howl (this is one he made up where you have a contest to see who can scream howl the loudest. he always wins by a long shot.)

all this fun stuff aside, there are definitely nights when he just needs someone to really talk to. he knows that he’s weird, he knows that the other kids make fun of him, and it hurts man. he’ll cry into their shoulder for a bit, then to cheer him up they watch his favorite werewolf movies all night trevor is the cutest furry sibling and yknow what? thats valid

Millie

basard time

the WORST younger sister when it comes to trying to beat up the older sibling. unlike petunia, she uses weapons. all of the bats, metal objects, and things that can be held and used as a weapon have been hidden, but she always finds new tactics. don’t worry, she apologizes after! she doesn’t know any better after all, shes like 3

PLAYS PRANKS ALL THE TIME

the sibling always has to check their seat before sitting down because there might be a thumbtack or slime. they always have to open the door and stand back because there might be a bucket of water set up at the top. there are pennies scattered around the house where no penny should be. living is paranoia with this feral child

aside from all that, there’s a reason Millie acts this way. she had it pretty rough when she was ACTUALLY 3, so you kinda have to be there for her. sometimes she’ll go weeks without a prank, only to come into their room, crying into her hands because she just can’t handle all the bad memories she has, and she apologizes for being a nuisance and playing pranks and hitting all the time, but she just can’t help it sometimes!!!! she has so much pent up frustration that she doesn’t know how to deal with!!! they just have to be there to tell her that its ok, i understand, i don’t blame you, until she stops crying. she’ll sleep in their room that night, but in the morning she wakes them up by putting a slug on their face and saying “if you EVER tell ANYONE what happened i SWEAR i’ll like. literally actually put you in the oven and cook you alive, got it?”

she may be an awful gremlin baby sometimes but shes really trying here, just give her some love

Putunia (sorry it’s a little short,, i couldn’t think of much umu)

the little sister that likes to wrestle with her older sibling, even though she’ll probably lose (her sibling lets her win a lot though don’t worry)

LOVES to ride on her siblings shoulders with her cape flying in the wind. she feels like a real superhero now!!!!

her favorite games are making her older sibling dress in a villain costume, then doing a whole routine of taking them down (sometimes even saving a “damsel in distress” thats just a barbie doll tied to a chair with a shoelace)

likes to bust down doors and make her presence known. her sibling hasn’t known peace since putunia learned how to walk and talk.

speaking of talk, she does a lot of that! she’s always ranting about becoming the BEST fighter someday and saving the world from EVIL!

her favorite show is absolutely The Powerpuff Girls. she recites the intro every morning when she wakes up and likes to dress up like Blossom

we love a superhero baby!!

Tim Tam

you though Millie was a feral gremlin? heh. you are like a little baby. watch this.

tim tam has a HUGE stealing problem. they’ll steal anything they can get their little hands on

if their sibling manages to find their secret stash, they’ll find literally everything they’ve ever thought they misplaced, plus some things that were obviously taken from restaurants and neighbors houses

there are tons of people knocking at the door saying “i KNOW that kid was in my house last night and i KNOW they took my (insert item here)!!!” and since they don’t really talk, you have to do all the apologizing

they may be a handful, but they mean well!! they try to do nice little things for you, like that one time they almost burned down the house because they tried to make you breakfast, but got distracted and started setting things on fire

real talk though, hanging out with tim tam can actually be pretty relaxing, if they’re in the right mood. they love it when you cuddle with them and read them books, since they don’t really know how to read. they love just,,, having someone thats still there for them despite their flaws

please just love the purple gremlin baby thats all they really want

#smile for me #sfm #smile for me headcanons #smile 4 me #s4m #trevor garbo

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wonderlustlucas · 5 years ago

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pandora’s box

⇢ word count 3.8k ⇢ warnings mentions of abuse, hints of pedophilia, explicit descriptions of death & asylum treatment. basically all the horror movie stuff. don’t read if ghosts & dying are triggers :] ⇢ a/n hello my precious children so uhm in the midst of trying to write some christmas fics my lit teacher assigned a creative story for us to write but it had to be horror themed (yknow, cus december is still spooky season?) n knee way me & @black-raven200 wrote this and since this is what took away from my WRITING writing i figured i’d post it :p enjoy!!

Only two minutes have passed since I last checked an hour ago, or so it seems. Each tick of the clock roars like a crack of thunder in my skull, serving only as a reminder to what lies ahead. Perhaps then there will be an opportunity for escape. A chance to run free from this prison, to leave everything and everyone who I know awaits my destruction. For now, though, I must sit here and endure this pathetic interrogation, knowing there will be no solution.

“Pandora,” she repeats, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, “why did you kill Elizabeth?”

I find it hard to look her in the eye. Not because she intimidates me, no— it’s the worry heavy in her tone that frightens me. Why did I kill Elizabeth? It is a complicated situation indeed; one Nurse Alice nor Sister would understand. “Self-defense,” is what I say. Again.

Sr. Bernadette sighs from her spot beside Nurse, clearly exasperated. Until now, she has been soundless, the animosity glinting in her eyes the only sort of indication I need to know of her infuriation. “Pandora, you know Elizabeth is—was—a quiet girl with quiet intentions. She stared out the window twenty-four hours a day. Why for the love of God would you need to smash her head against the wall for self-defense?” Sister raises her voice now, and if it were not for Nurse Alice in the room, I know the sting of her palm across my face would have made me speak up hours ago. She’s nicer when Nurse is here. Nurse is nice.

But how am I to explain? Time and time again I tell the truth, but they never believe me. Even now, when I look to him for help, I know they cannot see. They never see and they never will. “Tell them what she was going to do,” he says, a simple gesture of encouragement that has hope filling my heart. “Someone told me the only reason she looked out the window all day was because she was too busy planning on how she was going to kill us all,” glancing away from him to look at Nurse, I add with a smile, “so I killed her first.”

She looks to her hands folded in her lap, too flustered to hold eye contact any longer. So I turn to Sister once more, watching her jaw twitch as she processes my words. “Pandora,” Nurse Alice sighs, dejected, “was it your friend who told you about Elizabeth? The one you mentioned last time?”

“Yes!” I shout, grinning excitedly at her. She smiles softly in return. “Yes! It was him. He tells me everything, because he protects me. He’s my only friend here and he wants to keep me safe from the crazy girls like Elizabeth. Sister Bernadette, do you think he’s my guardian angel? Mama used to tell me that when you see your angel, it means you have a special place in Heav—”

“Silence,” Sr. Bernadette interrupts, raising her hand and I flinch away, expecting her to do more than stop my ramble. I would never admit it to her, but she is a terrifying woman. I will never understand how she made it into the convent, or why God would accept such an evil lady, but I guess it’s not my business. What is my business, however, is that she reminds me of Papa. The way she talks down at everyone, the way she walks, the way she hits, and even the way she looks, down to the squiggly hair growing out of the ugly mole on her cheek.

“I have heard enough,” she announces, rising from her chair and smoothing the untarnished skirt of her habit, “Nurse Alice, see me in my office when you are finished.”

With that, she leaves, not even bothering to look at me. How rude!

Nurse Alice sighs for the umpteenth time this evening when Sister closes the door with an unnecessary slam. While she sits there, kneading her eyes with her knuckles, Casper moves from his spot against the wall to sit beside her. Oh, how I wish she could just see him. Hear him. Feel him. Anything to prove to her I’m not as crazy as they think I am.

“I tried Pandora, I really tried. There’s nothing more for me to do,” she murmurs, and when she looks up her eyes are brimmed with tears. In this moment, she looks like Mama. My heart sinks. Nothing more for her to do? What does she mean nothing more? “What happens now?” I ask because, truly, what will happen after she meets with Sister? Perhaps she will help me escape. Maybe I will finally be free from this horrid place. That is what she can do.

“I cannot say,” Nurse admits, “Sister is not adept working with young children.”

“You mean crazy young children like me?” I ask.

Nurse Alice frowns, reaching across the desk to grasp my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. Casper glares at her affectionate gesture. “You are not crazy, Pandora,” she reassures me, the same way she does every day, “I don’t know what you see or who they are, but I believe you. You’re not the first person in history who sees ghosts, or spirits, or like you said, your guardian angel. The world just doesn’t like to accept these kinds of things when they can’t see it and you can.” Casper doesn’t like Nurse Alice. He says not to trust her, and that she’s just like everyone else. I believe what he says about everyone else, that Elizabeth was a psychopath or that Gerard is possessed by the Devil, but I cannot accept what he speaks of Nurse Alice. She has been the only one to ever truly care, let alone give me the benefit of the doubt and know that what goes on is true.

“I’m sorry I killed Elizabeth,” I whisper, looking to the checkered marble floors. Why they chose such atrocious tiles for an asylum is beyond me, that in itself is enough to drive anyone mad. Life here constantly feels like a game of chess on these floors; you stay on your square, watching everyone else’s moves, trying to decipher their next, while simultaneously needing to gather enough courage to take a step yourself. I don’t realize until a tear hits my hand that I have started crying.

Nurse gives my hand another squeeze before pulling away. It seems I’ve stumped her, but I understand. What is she to say? ‘It’s okay’ when it really isn’t? When I look up, Casper is gone.

“Why don’t we get ready for bed? It’s been a long day,” Nurse asks after the silence has settled heavily in the air, exhaustion evident in the blue bags drawn deep below her eyes. I nod, wiping away the wet trails left on my cheeks with the back of my hand.

The walk back to my room is quiet; lights out was more than an hour ago, and the only sound of life in the hallways is the sound of our footsteps and the ceaseless hum and buzz of the sconces in between every other bedroom door. Even the routine guards spaced randomly about the hallway are unusually quiet. Perhaps things are strange tonight because of this morning’s events.

Nurse stops outside my door. It’s silent inside, somehow more so than the hallway and upon glancing in I realize it’s because Elizabeth is no longer there. I have the whole room to myself and whether this is a blessing or a curse I do not know. “Alright Pandora,” she smiles comfortingly, and upon sensing my uneasiness, bends down to hug me tightly, “I’ll see you in the morning.” I wish I could stay with her, or her stay with me. Because I still have Nurse to protect me, yet I can already feel it, the cold tickle of fear creeping up my spine, the weight of being watched burning into my back and the horror lying within the room waiting to eat me up alive. Before I at least had Elizabeth laying like a vegetable across the room to keep me company, but tonight I must face it on my own.

Squeezing Nurse tightly, I feel as if I must take some of her strength and tranquility with me in order to get through the night. “Goodnight, Ms. Alice,” I whisper, pulling away from her and returning her sad smile. With one last squeeze to my hand, she sees me to my room at last, watching me enter cautiously before turning away and clicking the door shut behind her. The atmosphere inside seems heavy all of a sudden, suffocating in the way dread hangs over my head. “Casper?” I whisper out, quiet voice piercing the room’s stillness as if my nightmare itself does not lurk in the corner.

Leaping into bed, pretending that it offers some sort of protection against the evil, I stare with a teary gaze back at the Shadow against the wall opposite of me. Unlike Casper, Shadow does not speak. It does nothing but stands around all day, watching me when I’m alone and waiting until I turn away to finally take the life from my body. That’s why Casper is so important— not only does he warn me of everyone else’s intentions, but he scares Shadow away.

“Casper!” I call again, terror sparking through my veins like electrical currents when Shadow jolts to stretch its black figure across the floor instead. Past my almost unbothered façade, I wonder if it can feel the way my heart thumps against its glass ribcage every time it comes close. At this, my friend finally returns, appearing sitting atop Elizabeth’s empty bed. Shadow instantly disappears. “Oh, thank God, you’re here,” I let out the heavy breath that had been caught in my throat, “and look! Now you have your own bed!”

He frowns instead. “If I stay over here, Shadow can get you,” he retorts and I instinctively wince at the thought. “Okay, never mind then,” scooting closer to the wall, I pat the hard mattress, “I don’t want to risk anything.”

Casper hums in content, appearing beside me in the blink of an eye and even though he physically is not there, it’s nice to imagine being held, protected against everything that dares come get me. There is a cool breeze against my head where he pats gently, instantly bringing the heavy lull of sleep to my eyelids as he switches the lights off. “Goodnight, Casper. Thanks for protecting me,” I mumble incoherently, and even though I can’t see it, I swear I feel him smile against my hair.

There are no smiles come morning. Instead, it is the total opposite. With a force unnecessarily aggressive for seven AM, two security officers from another level burst into the room, sending the door against the wall with a crashing bang. Jumping awake, I find that Casper has vanished in the same instant that these men come storming the small confines of my room. I have not even finished rubbing the last remnants of a dream from my eyes when they are seizing my arms, quite literally forcing me up and out of bed. “What—” I hiss, attempting to pull away but it is absolutely futile.

The panic really begins to set in when we reach the hallway and turn right towards the elevator instead of left for breakfast. “Where are you taking me? Let go!” I shout, flailing in their grip and trying to ground my feet to the floor, but they easily continue on. What is happening? Where is everyone? Where is Nurse?

“Nurse Alice!” I scream at the top of my lungs, pulling back against the guards and gaining only a second of freedom. It’s all I need to slip from one of their grasps, spinning to look back to where Nurse Alice stands against the wall every morning after role call. “Ms. Alice!” I scream again, thrashing against the men with my heart racing a mile a minute when she only stares ahead at the scene unfolding before her. “Nurse!” I wail, tears suddenly spilling from my eyes. Why isn’t she doing anything? “Nurse Alice! Help me!”

People have started to gather, watching with wide eyes as I am drug closer to the elevator. The harder I fight, the more useless it becomes. There’s a sharp pinch at the back of my thigh, and when I twist around I find that one of the other nurses on our floor has poked me with a long syringe, and just like that my limbs feel three times heavier, as if just lifting an arm requires the strength of a rhino. They’ve stuck me with something, and now they’re taking me somewhere bad. Just as we reach the doors to the elevator, my head rolls back to look at Nurse Alice one last time. Past the tears blurring my vision, I’m able to pick her out, unbothered and looking to the floor.

Casper was right. She is just like everyone else.

Something is wrong. Very, very wrong.

I have been in this joke of a room much longer than expected. When I arrived, the drug that knocked me out kept me unconscious until the following day, and now two days have passed without any sign of Casper or Shadow. Later after dinner is served, when I pass by the mirror hung up on the wall, I see Shadow’s reflection behind me, but when I turn around, nothing is there. There is no gut-wrenching sense of fear, I have slept like a baby, and for the first time in my life, I feel normal. Left to my own thoughts with no need to constantly keep an eye out for the evil that has always lurked. While solitary confinement is not the best way to deal with these sorts of things, I’ve found a sense of solemnity in my isolation. No Elizabeth, no Casper, no Shadow. Just me and my empty, unfiltered thoughts.

I wonder why no one has followed me into my new room. It is ridiculously small, with a single bed and the necessary means of living, but that’s it. A perfect scenario for Shadow to prey on me when I have no space to hide, so I am utterly clueless as to why I have been left to my own devices.

So, I’ve decided to drop the topic. Without the fear-induced worries I have been living with for the past fifteen years, I’ve taken to spending my days doing other things. Reading, while an enjoyable activity, is only secondary to the time I spend simply thinking. Thinking of my family, my old friends, school, what goes on in the world and, finally, what I will do when I leave this place.

I’d like to run away to a new country. Without the educational or financial means to get a good job, or a home for that matter, maybe I could find a kind farmer to hire me. His family could become mine and I will learn what it is to live a normal life. And then, one day, I will be able to do it all on my own. For now, I must figure out how I will escape. Or, if I’m lucky, now that my mind is free, they will let me go themselves.

“Don’t be silly,” a familiar voice disrupts my daydreams and I jump up from bed, heart hammering in my chest when I find Casper across the room. His words make me frown. “If Nurse Alice couldn’t save you, then no one else here will,” he hisses and, squinting further, panic burns in my veins at the furious spark in my friend’s once kind eyes. Instead, there are no pupils, only pools of blood red in place of honey gold. “What are you doing here?” I ask, sitting up and staring at him fully now. I’ve looked much scarier things in the eyes before.

Casper snorts. “I’ve been trying to get you in this room for years, and when I finally do, I cannot get through the physical walls. So of course, you use this time to come up with silly fantasies for your future, leaving me behind. How rude of you, Pandora.”

“I haven’t thought once about leaving you behind, Casper! You left me.” I gasp, insulted by his accusation. He is being absolutely ridiculous, thinking it’s somehow my fault that I’ve ended up here. A muscle in his jaw twitches, his fists clenched angrily at his sides. Why he is so angry I do not know.

“Silly, stupid girl,” he sighs, edging close. “Why are you being so mean, Casper? Friends don’t say that to each other,” I whisper, heart twinging in hurt. At this, he moves to stand in front of the bed, reaching to firmly grasp my jaw. More importantly, the panic burns like an inferno now, for I can feel his touch. “I am not your friend, Pandora,” Casper chuckles darkly, “and I no longer have to protect you from anything ever again. You know why?”

“Why?” I whisper, on the verge of tears again. Crying is the only way to cope living in this place.

“Because I am what you needed protection from, and now it seems as if you are all mine to devour.” His words take a moment to process, and by the time I have caught up he is already closer, heart constricting under his grasp and yet all he does is hold his palm out in front of my chest.

“Casper,” I croak out, jarring and brutal bursts of pain searing from my chest and down through my entire body, “Casper, what is happening?” It has not yet clicked. At his silence I have no affirmation to what is happening, only left to assume that this is some weird reaction to what was given me to knock me out. But this is not normal. Not the way my consciousness seems to float in an empty space, filled with thick static. There is so much pain. I want to cry out but everything is fuzzy, I see nothing at all and the loud pounding of my heart echoes like thunder in my skull. So much pain. I hear the ticking of the clock in the room with Sister and Nurse Alice, the game of chess on these checkered floors and I feel what I made Elizabeth feel in her final moments. There is everything and nothing happening all at once. My whole body is draining away, and almost as soon as the black mist swirls at the edges of my mind, it is already all black.

When I wake, things are not where they left off. But then again, where did I leave off? I cannot remember. It is a blur. I cannot recall what yesterday was, or what happened. When I wake, there is a haze clouding my mind that leaves everything uncertain, and even though I have not fully awoken, it feels as if I am floating out in the abyss. Papa must have gone mad last night, but now I am safe with Mama. No, no, that can’t be right— I must have just come back from Dr. Chae’s hypnotism. No, that can’t be it either, it’s way too cold. Doctor used to have the heat blasting year-round. So… where am I? The panic starts to set in. Everything feels… wrong. All of my thoughts are clouded. My emotions are dulled, I feel no pain, no happiness, no anger, no… nothing.

Slowly, my reality starts to piece itself together and my surroundings fade in. The darkness is still there, but instead of the smothering presence it had previously, it now lingers at the corner of my vision, almost as if it has just become a part of me now. I am in an office. The barren and cracked walls feel familiar somehow, but I cannot recall why, I have never been here before. Or have I? I am not so sure of anything.

Someone walks in, and in a hushed tone she starts to argue with… Sister Bernadette? “She has been here only twenty-four hours, but she already speaks to the walls as if time has already broken her,” Sister says in a familiar tone.

I am in the asylum.

“I heard her say a name yesterday, Casper, I believe,” the woman answers quietly and cautiously, as if at any moment Sister will snap.

Sister almost spits out her reply, “Like that makes it any better Alice, she is still speaking to herself in the middle of the night.”

Alice, Nurse Alice. All of a sudden everything comes crashing down, I remember it all. Killing Elizabeth, Shadow, Casper’s betrayal, Nurse Alice, all of it. I begin to feel the sensation of tears behind my eyes, but no water flows. I feel like I am hyperventilating, but no air comes out of my mouth. What’s happening to me? Am I dead? Am I dying? The panic sets in again, gone is the emotional numbness that I previously held. Is this a joke, has Casper simply— no. Someone new is about to walk in. I recognize the voice, it’s Casper. A young girl trails behind him, she’s small with black hair and—

No. No no no no no no. This can’t be real. It’s impossible. Following behind Casper is… me? It doesn’t make any sense. I try to speak, scream, to somehow tell this past version of myself that Casper is not who he seems, but no one seems to hear me. Slowly, I walk towards them and detach myself from the wall where I previously stood. I see myself look up from the floor and stare directly at me, like she suddenly realized my existence. Her eyes grow wide and she backs up slowly as I move forward. “Casper?” She whispers, frightened. “What is that Shadow?”

I spin around, searching for Shadow. Are they still following me?

I move further away from the wall, but suddenly my past self screams. “Casper, help me! It’s coming closer!” I turn back around, but there’s nothing there. Realization creeps up on me slowly at first, like a panther getting ready to attack its prey. Then, it strikes. Am I the Shadow? I try to test my theory creeping back into the wall. “Don’t worry,” Casper speaks finally, “it’s leaving now, you’ll always be safe with me.”

Lies. I was never safe; I never will be. Not even now, in death, or whatever the hell this is, can I find peace. But maybe, just maybe, this time I can warn myself of the evil that lies within him. It is the only thing I can do to save myself from this painful loop of death.

It has been three years. I’ve watched myself die sixteen times. Today, I start all over again.

#scary #scary story #scary stories #paranormal #supernatural #paranormal activity #haunted #haunted asylum #asylum #evil spirit #ghost #horror #horror story #horror stories

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another-fallout-blog · 6 years ago

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FNV companions treating six's wounds after a pretty bad fight

Arcade: Arcade looked at the harsh wounds littering Six’s arms, legs, and back. Arcade sighed a little as he began to treat the wounds carefully. He knew what he was doing but…

“Six This is pretty bad. You need to learn to be more careful. I’m not sure how many of these you can take…” Or I can take, Arcade thought to himself.

Six let out a groan. “I’ll be fine. Theirs no rest in the Mojave anyways.”

Arcade sighed as he placed bandages. There was no rest. He knew it. But… He couldn’t help but hope for a time where there would be rest. “Maybe one day we’ll find a nice place to settle Six. But you won’t make it to that day if you keep standing so close to explosions and gunfire.”

“You got that right…” Six grumbled. “Fine, fine your right. As always. I’ll try to do better next time.”

Arcade stared at the wounds for a moment as if they were dry cracks in the Mojave dirt. He knew that the wounds for Six would never stop, but unlike most of his patients, they didn’t seem to mind the pain. They just kept going. Kept fighting without a word. At first, he admired it, but the more wounds that grow on Sixs body the more Arcade wonders what other pains Six might be keeping quiet about in order to keep soldiering on.

Boone: Boone wrapped Six’s arm carefully, trying to focus. Six was almost limp against the concrete barrier as they held a piece of cloth against their head to stop the bleeding. Boone spoke sternly and seriously.

“That was stupid. You’re lucky you got out of there alive Six. What the hell were you thinking?”

“It’s not too bad Boone, I’ve had worse head wounds than this you know that. And I don’t know, guess I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was bleeding…” Six said, looking away.

“You need to keep yourself alive not half dead. I can’t keep patching you up like this. We need to get you to a real doctor.” Boone said, starting to drag Six up to their feet without even asking.

Lily: “Its okay dear! Lily will patch you up” Lily practically yelled this into Six’s ear as they began to put small pre-war kids bandaids on Sixs wounds. They weren’t exactly helping but at least they weren’t making the situation any worse.

“Thanks, Lily but maybe I should go to the doctor. Also please stop yelling.” Six said rubbing some of their bruises.

“Alright, deary! Let’s find a good doctor for you.” Lily yelled again, lifting up Six like a doll and carrying them.

Raul: “Its okay boss, not like an old man like me needs medical treatment.” Raul said sarcastically, bandaging up Six. They had bandaged up a few people in his time, but he was never too good at it. More of a fire first and hope you don’t die later kind of guy. “Try not to run into any more gunfire boss, I still need you around to rescue me.” Raul said this half sarcastically, he did still appreciate Six saving them from the mountain and freeing them. And he also appreciated not getting treated like shit for being a ghoul.

“I can’t make any promises Raul.” Six joked back, but they both knew there was a lot of truth to that. Raul finished up some messy bandages, but he knew from looking at it that it wasn’t going to be enough.

“Geez, boss if you don’t get someone better to take care of this stuff your gunna look worse than me.” Raul joked with a worried tone in his voice. He didn’t want to watch someone else die, and this included Six. Maybe he should pick up a book on this fancy medical stuff…

Cass: “You sure know how to take a fuckin bullet, y’know that?” Cass said, wrapping a large wound on Six’s leg. “If you had listened to me instead of doing your plan that even a brahmin would know was stupid you’d have less bullets in you. God, I’m gunna need a drink after this…” Cass said, cringing a bit at all the blood. She wishes she had a drink now.

“You sure know how to make a patient feel great Cass, yknow that?” Six grumbled. Their body ached, and the wounds kept feeling worse.

“I’m not a doctor y’know. You need someone better than me at this junk. God this is a lot of blood…” Cass grumbled.

“If you want to leave and get a doctor thats-” Six was interrupted.

“God yes.” Cass said, getting up to run to the nearest settlement.

Veronica: “Hey uh… how are you feeling?” Veronica asked worriedly, looking at the Six laying on the ground.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just sunbathing and losing a few pounds in blood weight. The usual.” Six said sarcastically. Veronica crouched next to them, taking some of Sixs medical supplies and moving some of their clothes so she could begin some medical work.

“Lose the attitude okay? I’ll try to help…” Veronica looked at the wounds again. It worried her, she wished she could just turn to a Scribe and ask them to get a doctor. But the days of having Brotherhood to help was long gone. “Sorry I can’t do much…” Veronica said, injecting a stimpak into six and applying some bandages.

“Its okay Veronica, you’re doing your best and that’s all I can ask.” Six said. Veronica smiled and continued her work. She missed her family, but words like that help her be more confident in her decision to not look back. She liked being able to make a mistake without feeling like she failed a family. But now, she had to keep her new family alive.

#prompt #ask #fallout new vegas #fallout #raul #raul tejada #Veronica #veronica santangelo #craige boone #boone #fallout new vegas boone #cass #rose of sharon #arcade #arcade gannon #fnv arcade gannon

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datastate · 5 years ago

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✫ just trans clones things ✫

- literally crying any time someone other than your siblings acknowledge you

- its OUR BODY and WE GET TO SAY THAT TRANS CLONES ARE VALID

- yknow that feeling when the jedi/whoever else says your name rather than your number? that feeling bassboosted for trans clones

- finding acceptance and solidarity from ur siblings but bassboosted bc. yknow. clones only have each other to trust with this kind of personal info

- getting that really warm feeling when you are acknowledged as you should be by your other siblings.

- you wish it would be acknowledged by those in power, but you know youre lucky to even be regarded as a human by them, let alone your actual gender

- wincing every time the jedi refer to you as ‘men’ (at least it’s a bit better than what the kaminoans did...)

- being especially frustrated that there aren’t easier ways to differentiate yourself from your brothers

- once someone genuinely called you a defected clone because you didn’t match up with the kaminoan expectations

- probably really hates those with authority and at least half the reason you stay is just for your siblings

- “he he funney clone is just hurting himself bc hes under some delusion hes something else”

- those who have dysphoria live in a personal hell (esp those who have it where its like. triggered by looking in the mirror lmao)

- terrified that somehow youre pretending to be trans just so you can grasp and hold on to some proof that youre different from the other clones even though you Know you’re trans and its not just that even if that did contribute to it

- feeling sick with that hopelessness that hits at night because though you long to transition and being able to present yourself as you are, you know its unlikely this war’s going to end and you’ll still be alive

- begging your siblings to promise they’ll live through the war and remember you as you.

- during your crisis youre hit with the realization that your deadname will be the only thing acknowledged when you pass. not your personality, not your gender, sexuality, or anything to show you were yourself, but your number. you’ll be grouped with other “clones” who would occasionally be regarded to as “men” but nothing else. you won’t be a person. and if, by some chance, you are regarded as a person, you’ll generally be remembered as something you never were

#anyway im fives and this has been a 'im a sad trans kid' post #tcw #the clone wars #u can rb but dont clown #jestersvaguely

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sundaynightnovels · 5 years ago

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15 Questions Tag Game

i’ve been tagged this time by @kidsarentallwrite and @elizabethsyson ! sorry, it’s been a hectic week so i’m only just getting to this! i find it especially apt that the latter has done the 15 questions game for a character called ‘Death’ (who i already adore), considering what my wip is about, yknow. somewhat. yea. && yes!! new characters from ashleigh!! i’ve previously done this for Zhen & Lu and Ren, Jia & Jun (i like to do these interviews in sets if you can’t tell), so... hmm. i’m going to do this for Shou and Teng -- the two sweethearts ! (as in, they both are adorable -- not that they are together. that would be havoc) the questions that i’ve gotten from my two tags are different, but i’ll use @kidsarentallwrite ‘s set of questions instead (because i can’t really answer questions about species / magical forms). also, be prepared -- these two can talk a lot. 1. What is your full name? Shou: Shou. Teng: Teng Shou: i don’t suppose we have to add anything else to our names, do we? Teng: you should know better than i do! Shou: that’s not fair! i’m a newcomer here too! in fact, there hasn’t even been an orientation -- i wouldn’t even have had a place to live if not for zhen’s generosity! hm. this is a serious matter indeed, i should bring it up to someone. do you know who i can contact with regards to this complaint? Teng: how would i know??? i didn’t get an orientation either! i never thought of it as an issue, but it is, isn’t it???? how did zhen get her kid??? isn’t there a rule on how many men can live together in one apartment?? where does ren live??? can jia just move into someone else’s home just like this? there are so many loopholes! how do we live like this? we need to start up an organisation asap -- [the rest of irrelevant conversation redacted] 2. What does your name mean? Shou: ah! that is the most pertinent question! names should mean something, shouldn’t they? when ren had first returned me my name, i thought it meant ‘hand’ -- and that was particularly interesting! in palmistry, all these lines on a person’s hand means something individually, and a hand in itself is -- Teng: shou, they’re doing that thing again. that thing with their fingers that means they want us to hurry up Shou: -- what? do they not want to understand the deeper meaning behind the lines that they are naturally born with on their hands? do they not realise how a person’s entire life path is marked, since their birth, right in the palms of their own hands? is it not utterly fascinating? Teng: i don’t think so... Shou: then why are they asking questions when they do not want to listen to the answers? 3. What are your nicknames/other names? Shou: i believe that Ren refers to you -- and the rest of your army -- as the ‘Noisies’. Teng: what?? that’s a terrible name! Shou: i agree. but unfortunately, there is certain merit to it. we can use it to refer to all of you as a whole -- which happens quite frequently, considering the three of you never seem apart -- and also, the name seems rather apt. Teng: are you saying that we’re noisy? we’re not! i mean... i’m not! i mean, well... jun... uh.... okay! Yu(m) isn’t! you can’t deny that! Shou: ... 4. What’s your gender? Shou: i believe i am male. Teng: yea. is there anything else to be? uh wait. okay, i think jun warned me about this, said something about not opening up a can of worms... but i don’t get it! is there anything else? Shou: i don’t know. the world has changed vastly compared to when i was alive, so it is not my place to assume anything. also, zhen had also warned me about this, and i think it would be prudent to listen to their advice. Teng: yea, i mean, i don’t know of anything else either. the world has changed a lot (nods sagely) Shou: yes, indeed (nods sagely as well) 5. What’s your sexuality? Teng: Jun mentioned this too. Shou: Zhen as well. Teng: (nods sagely) Shou: (nods sagely) 6. Where are you from? Teng: well, i just came straight from my apartment... Shou: oh, is this what this meant? thank you for the clarification, i had no idea! i wanted to answer that i was born from my mother -- of course, that is such a redundant answer that i wasn’t sure if it was the answer at all! in that case, yes, i just came from the kitchen. Teng: ... the kitchen? you mean, the kitchen in your building? as in, the one zhen cooks in? as in, you came from lunch? after eating zhen’s cooking? is that it? Shou: ... i must excuse myself for a moment 7. How old are you? Teng: how rude! I am young! Young! Don’t listen to any of my boys, i’m not that much older than them! Shou: how old are you, then? Teng: uhhhhh.. well. fine. yes, i’m older than them! but not by that much! they make it seem as though i’m past my prime, but i’m really not! Shou: which is? Teng: uhhhh. i’m 27, i think. about there. 27 - 28. you? Shou: i don’t remember the age at which i died. if you are talking about post-death, however... no, i don’t know either. 8. Any special talents? Shou: he does! he does!! Teng: huh, me??? Shou: yes! you do! don’t be shy now, we all know what you are capable of! Teng: uhhh. i’m pretty good at cleaning up -- even though jun makes it seem like i’m dirty and disgusting. is that it? Shou: no! i’m talking about your imitation of a bear! you are amazing at that! Teng: ????? since when have i imitated a bear?? Shou: all the time! when we met for the first time, you were snarling and growling like a beast! it was amazing! how do you do that with your vocal cords? i have tried many times, but alas it is not a skill meant for me. Teng: ohhhhhh, you mean that, huh? uhh, ahh, it’s nothing, really Shou: please do not sell yourself short. it is an amazing skill worthy to be proud of! 9. Do you have kids? Teng: if you are talking about the boys, then well, yea, i guess. though i wouldn’t really call them my kids. Shou: you mean, your gang members? Teng: what gang?? why do people keep saying that i’m in a gang??? 10. What’s your aesthetic? Shou: i don’t understand. if you are talking about what i am wearing, right now i am wearing one of jun’s many robes. it is very comfortable, though unlike the previous garment that i had donned, it has less of a breeze. Teng: i’m just wearing normal clothes i guess. don’t know how you want me to describe it further.

11. Who’s your best friend? Shou: best friend? as in, a friend above all other friends? that’s terrible! how can you ask me to choose such a thing? Teng: yea! that’s terrible! i can’t make such a choice! Shou: so you don’t have an answer to this as well? Teng: yea! also... well... i don’t know if i... i mean, well, the boys are just the boys, right? outside of them, i don’t even know if i have any friends... so uhh, yea. yea. can’t really answer this anyway. Shou: am i not your friend? all this time i have considered you my comrade-in-arms, leader of the Noisies, an odd man and a great friend -- yet could it have all been my imagination? have we not fought in battle, have we not shared a meal, have we not been tormented by the same slow tale and have we not slept together under the same roof? has this all been one-sided on my part? have we never been friends all this while? Teng: well... you fought against me in ‘battle’... but yes! we have! we have shared a wonderful meal, and we have been tormented by quan’s horrid story, and well, i guess you have slept in jun’s room before so yes! we have slept together under the same roof! i’m sorry, i was too caught up in moping in my own sorrows that i’ve somehow neglected the friends by my side! my answer is you! you are my best friend, shou! you are! i’m sorry for having forgotten you all this while! Shou: thank you! thank you for realising your folly! yes, we are friends ! Teng: ... Shou: ... Teng: ... are you not going to say that i’m your best friend as well? Shou: ... it just seems like an important decision. i don’t want to make a choice so quickly. 12. Would you ever get a piercing / tattoo? Shou: absolutely not! how can you suggest such a thing? our physical bodies are a gift from our mothers! they should not be desecrated just like that! Teng: aren’t those painful? uh, i mean, not that i’m afraid of the pain, it’s just... you know! uh... uh... right! i don’t know what to put on it! where would i pierce, what kind of design would i put on my body -- those are all important questions! Shou: if i could, i would paint an image of the flaming sun on my chest. Teng: i thought you said that our bodies are a gift from our mothers? that we shouldn’t destroy them just like that?? Shou: well, since i am dead, i think it’s right to assume that my mother is as well. and we have long lost our physical vessels, so there is no real damage. furthermore, i have to remember how scary the sun is. (shakes head) it is not simply the glowing ball of warmth you think it is. 13. When are you happiest? Shou: that is an impossible question to answer. how can there be a ‘happiest’ when there is nothing to compare it to? there will always be a ‘happiest’ moment in your future! when you think you are happy in the present -- even, perhaps, the most happy that you can be -- you never know what is coming your way next. there will always be another ‘happiest’ moment. as the saying goes, there is always a higher mountain. you cannot limit yourself your current happiness. you will always be happier! you must trust in that! if there are constants in life, that would be it! Teng: (wipes away a single tear) Shou... Shou: that being said, my happiest moment would be when we are all together. Teng: (wipes away tears from both eyes) Shou! Shou: ah, and perhaps when i’m eating a sugared gourd. that as well. 14. What’s your biggest secret? Shou: what secret??? i have no secrets! i am not lying! Teng: uhhh. i don’t have any i think. shou, you are acting kinda weird though. Shou: i’m not! i’m not!! 15. What’s the first thing you notice about people? Shou: it used to be their names, but now i am not certain. i haven’t been around enough people -- though yes, i am around a lot more people now than i was in the past. it is rather incredible. Teng: uhhh. i notice that they are people? i don’t get it. am i supposed to say something specific? but i notice them as a whole! if someone’s walking towards me, then they’re walking towards me. i don’t know what you want me to say! tagging @insearchof-solace @elliswriting @vhum @thedreamsofthesky @coffehousecreations @snowdropwrites @focusdumbass @chrysanthos-writes @bookenders @inexorableblob @incandescent-creativity @radley-writes @minnowf @thel3tterm @pen-for-sword

#15 questions tag #tag game #like all things out of season #character tag #shou #teng #writeblr #writing tag games #my wip #my OCs #my writeblr #writers on tumblr #character interview

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wavemaker9 · 5 years ago

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warning for talk about self-harm/attempted suicide; nothing detailed but yknow, started thinking more about how mel’s (believed) death would affect both kyle and others in los santos

it’d be unlikely that at least some others wouldn’t hear rumors that mel had died and when she’s not showing her face around town, it’s hard not to believe.There might be some people in the city who live under a strict “if i don’t directly see the body, i have no proof” mindset, but the bottom line is that people die alone in gutters all the time in the city. people disappear off the map constantly. and some move away or retire to better lives, but some people just end up dead. I think Toni’s the closest of my kids to that just because A, there’s always the risk that someone could have faked their death so it pays to lowkey be even a little prepared, and B, he saw gil do it first hand so yknow. But also Toni’s a realist and recognizes that sometimes people do just get killed, or they die from some dumb stunt, or they overdose or otherwise get themself killed. it’s not impossible, and spending all your days insisting on having that proof directly is a waste of time. And I do think other people besides Kyle and Ivan would hear about mel’s death sooner or later. Austin could hear from Kyle directly, and toni could hear it either from ivan directly or maybe down the chain from Kyle (kyle > austin > oliver > toni).

Austin probably hears from kyle just because. Well, kyle’s mood fucking drops following both mel’s death + his specifically being blamed for it. That was one of his best friends and it hits him hard. I think at first he’s just trying cope using his vices, but either by overdosing with that, having a particularly reckless stunt go bad, or just having things get rougher until he falls to more direct methods of harm, austin finds him directly following that. After fixing him up as best he can/getting him to someone who can do it better, depending on how he got hurt, austin confronting kyle about it and kyle trying to avoid the questions. Austin’s able to get out that mel died, but can’t get much more from Kyle before it leads into a shouting match. Austin unintentionally admits his frustration over all the shit kyle does like this, being ungrateful for the help austin gives him, putting himself in dumb and dangerous situations all the time, and refusing to just talk about things when they’re clearly /greatly/ bothering him, before storming off to give them both time to cool down before he tries again. Of course, it’s kyle, and austin should really know better and prolly would if he hadn’t gotten mad, because when he tries to come back to talk to him again, kyle’s outta there.

Austin ends up finding kyle again after another, seemingly more serious attempt, and having to take him to the hospital. And the pro of that is that it makes it much harder for kyle to bail, especially with austin not taking any second chances this time around. With enough pressing and kyle knowing he’s caught, him finally admitting the issue, that it’s not just that mel’s dead but he feels responsible and for a bullshit reason of them just fucking around like they normally do and it going bad. The two able to talk about it more without so much yelling this time, and austin admitting he appreciated amelia’s skill and work effort but, compared to kyle, amelia’s not worth it. Kyle arguing that, of course she is, but austin standing firm, he refuses to lose kyle over this. Kyle can drink and whatever else he does normally to cope, but he needs to move past this without sacrificing his whole life for it. Yes, his reckless behavior got someone killed, and maybe he’ll take this and learn how to not put the people he cares about in such risk- austin himself would /love/ for kyle to learn that. But Kyle needs to learn his lesson and move on, not wallow in this. Adds the classic case that austin wouldn’t expect amelia to really want kyle to die for this, no matter what happened, and kyle’d also be leaving ivan behind as well and imagine how well that would be taken.

It’s a combined effort of points that’s enough of a pull back to get kyle off the edge for a bit, getting him to ease back closer to the range of ‘struggling but managing’. Still fucking, rough for him, mourning is never easy for anyone and particularly not for Kyle, but like. Still, it’s something. However, around that time is when Toni hears the news and isn’t happy. Amelia had a lot of promise and he was interested to see where she took that. I think he’s less angry specifically that Amelia /died/ and more that she died /like she did/. Like he would have been fine with her going down a more impressive death, hell he’d have been chill killing her himself in a fight. But like. However he hears it from, he probably also hears even vaguely that it was something that went wrong connected to Kyle and Ivan, and just. The promise she had, she didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve to die because /those fucking two hazards/ dropped a ball. Like A, this reignites the anger for Ivan that had been starting to cool over the years since Gil was first injured. Because fucking Ivan can’t learn how to mind himself and what damage he causes for 2 fucking seconds?

And /Kyle/. Like Ivan’s a goddamn danger in the worst of ways, clearly, but at least he does something for the city, too. At least he’s made a name for himself and counters the bad shit he does with impressive shit and at least he puts in a fucking effort. It pisses Toni off that he can’t learn to play by the rules a little more, but that’s nothing compared to Toni’s opinion on the fucking useless menace that is Kyle Brown. The most Kyle’s been doing since Toni learned about him is minor jobs, fucking around and pissing away his time and energy on shit that don’t really mean nothing in the long run. Kyle does what he wants and shows no tact or respect and pull stunts & causes chaos without thinking through his actions and how they affect others. And Toni /told/ Amelia when he found out about her tie to Kyle that knowing him was a mistake, that she’d be wasting her time or needlessly putting herself in danger by staying too connected to him, and it seems like that turned out to be more than true. Toni plans to have a fucking talking with Ivan as well, but he sets something up with Kyle first to basically call him out on his shitty behavior and what a waste of space Toni thinks he is. That Mel /was/ worth more than Kyle,/easily so/, that she had the drive and motivation that Kyle lacks, so why is /he/ still alive when Amelia is /dead/? He calls out a lot of small but foolish mistakes Kyle’s made since moving to the city, things Toni’s taken note of as jobs/tasks/etc that Kyle only apparently managed to survive because of luck or help instead of relying on his own strength like Amelia did, like all people who are worth something in this city do. His final note is that, the way Toni sees it, Kyle does nothing but make mistakes, to the point of getting respectable people killed over them, while the only mistake Mel made was being associated with a useless fuck up like him.

And Kyle usually doesn’t care about Toni’s opinion in the slightest, but it is a laser-guided hit to an already shaky house of cards that is his recovery path, and he spirals back down /hard/ following it because yeah. A part of him wants to believe Austin over Toni, obviously, but also like. What was he thinking believing Austin saying that he was worthwhile or that he doesn’t deserve to die. What a fucking idiot he is. His whole mood crashes hard all over again. Luckily, following the previous shit, even with kyle’s slow improvement, Austin would be keeping a close eye on him. Insisting on one of them staying at the other’s place, trying to remove/hide any dangerous items like knives, insisting on driving Kyle places. He probably does a milder form of this during lesser depressive episodes of Kyle’s*, but clearly this is bad and following the previous attempt, takes no chances. So him catching onto Kyle’s change in mood before he has the chance to do anything drastic, pressing on what brought it about and doing his best to counter it. And he himself is /very/ mad when he hears it’s Toni who caused it because ughhhh this fucking guy. The worst guy. Austin’s had maybe one good interaction with Toni, /barely/ if ever, his whole life. Hate that guy.

Austin considers just focusing on Kyle, but like. Austin’s already sick of the shit Toni pulls on himself, but undoing what progress he managed with Kyle is bullshit. Like was shown with Austin suddenly standing up to Ivan over his parents, he has very few people he actually cares about but he cares about them a /lot/, so him requesting Oliver set up a meeting between Toni and himself, he has some things he needs to discuss with Toni. It’s a reluctant action, he really doesn’t wanna deal with Toni ever, but god Toni needs to know that fucking with Kyle isn’t okay and hopefully get him to help correct what he said to Kyle or at least back off, and if Austin has to be the only one to make that happen, then /fine/. He didn’t make it as far as he did by backing down immediately when things got too tough, after all, and toni’s main complaint about him anyway is not having enough backbone, so maybe this’ll get toni to chill on that, too. /Does/ request it in the Jawbreaker’s office though to dissuade Toni from trying anything bad if the convo does get heated. Austin’s not stupid, cmon.

And Toni shows, already very amused on what Austin thinks he has to say to him. Austin basically arguing he had already addressed kyle about what happened in a way to hopefully teach him to be more careful, without making him full on spiral, and toni’s messed that up now by once again thinking he knows best all the time when he doesn’t. Toni dismissive of any criticism though, it’s not his fault if kyle can’t handle the consequences of his actions. He shouldn’t make the mistakes if he’s not prepared to struggle with the guilt over them. This can be good for Kyle if he learns to take that pain and make something of it, and if he doesn’t, well then nothing of value /really/ lost. Austin clearly angry at that, but holding himself back. Insisting he’s upset about mel to a point too, but getting kyle to kill himself over an accident when austin had already been working on getting kyle to be more careful won’t do any good for anybody. If anything, it might do worse for the city, given all of kyle’s little connections to different crews. he’d expect someone like toni to recognize that. Toni pressing back, he doesn’t want to dismiss Kyle’s talents, but kyle ain’t /really/ important in this city. He’s talented and lucky, but anyone who works with him could replace him in a day if they needed to, and probably be better off for it. kyle is reckless, dangerously so, clearly. He doesn’t think through his actions, doesn’t care about making enemies, doesn’t care about protecting himself or those around him. Him getting someone killed by his refusal to take charge in his life was only a matter of time, it’s just a shame it had to be this person. The way toni sees it, kyle’s death might help the city, actually. It certainly couldn’t /hurt/ los santos any.

Austin’s eyes thinning at him at this, at toni so blatantly stating his opinion on kyle’s /life/, before he questions if a death to help the city stabilize wasn’t supposedly the same reasoning the Grazhdane had when they put Beilschmidt in a-? Toni’s eyes snapping onto Austin with a fucking fury the moment toni recognizes where he’s going with this, standing immediately and storming across the room to grab austin by the throat before he can continue, pinning him up against a nearby wall, telling him to finish that sentence, /please/. Give him a reason to let oliver find a better Second for his crew, he is /begging/ austin to. Austin able to make a move on toni to get him to have to pull back for a moment, but toni’s able to just full on out-strength him on austin’s next attempt to pull free more. Chuckling, though in a way that is more bitter amusement than anything else, Toni asks where austin learned that. Austin, still trying to get free, answers kyle taught him it, proof that kyle’s worth more than toni thinks after all. Toni laughing further, countering that teaching austin a move or two to keep him alive a second longer is not putting anything good into the city because austin barely puts anything worthwhile into the city either. Austin questioning back what good /toni/ puts into the city, then? what do any of them put there? They’re criminals, that’s the point. But of all of them, he figures Kyle is one of the ones who puts more /actual good/ in the world, certainly more than /toni/ does.

Toni pinning austin further, showing a sliver of that anger before catching himself and letting austin go, crossing back across the room, telling him to relax, they both know he wouldn’t do shit here; he assumes that’s why austin requested the meeting here, too cowardly to talk shit outside of his own home. Austin still rubbing at his arm, trying to steady himself, but acknowledging that was his idea, yes. Toni doing the little roll of ones eyes when they’re disappointed but not surprised. Him brushing himself off slightly, 95% for show to signify him feeling they’re done here, before stating flatly and firmly to austin that he doesn’t regret the things he said and he’s /not/ going to take them back, to kyle’s face or not, because they’re /true/. Austin may only be comfortable criticizing his cousin when his life isn’t on the line, but the fact of the matter is that both of them are embarrassments to the city, and he won’t feel bad about calling out that fact, because someone needs to. Austin clearly still frustrated, but knowing he’s not going to get anywhere further. Toni’s stubborn when he wants to be, he’s heard that from oliver and seen it in the handful of times they’ve interacted. Especially after Austin let his temper slip and insulted Gilbert in such a way, he’s not going to make any progress with Toni tonight. So him waving Toni off, the meeting’s over, just stay away from Kyle in the future. Toni laughing, waving off austin didn’t have to bother trying to order him to do that. Clearly kyle’s dangerous to be around, Toni’ll be staying as far clear as he can from that boy. As he starts to leave, him reaching out to grab Austin’s shoulder, though, telling him he might want to consider the same. Kyle’s a drowning dog no matter what mood he’s in, and he’ll drag down anyone who reaches out to help him; it’s all that people like him know how to do. He gives a slight pat to Austin’s shoulder which Austin very roughly pulls free from, with Toni leaving after that.

I will say a pro to Kyle’s teetering emotional state is that probably when Ivan realizes how bad Kyle’s doing, that’s something to focus on besides his own anger over Mel’s loss. Though god, Toni trying to call a meeting with Ivan over this shit, especially if ivan figured out about toni’s meeting with kyle. imagine /that/. About 5 times more fighting and no hate sex at the end, it’d probably be bad. Probably Kyle’s being guided back to managing and is even starting to get back to in sights of normal when Mel finds him, and that is a whole new emotional whiplash because he is at once wholly and deeply relieved when he sees her and believes that she’s alive, and also fucking /furious/. I love him trying to take a swing at her because his immediate reaction to anger is to fight the source of said anger because that’ll fix it, obviously, but his resolve is crumbling by the second and he has zero heart into trying on that actual strike, so even if she’s still recovering some, her easily stepping out of the way and him barely managing to stay standing, before immediately turning around and moving at her again, though this time both arms up and just dragging her into a clinging, sobbing hug.

The most infuriating thing about kyle is his just. For being so sympathetic and even to a point generally empathetic, he’s so unaware of trying to be empathetic in a way that’s not natural to him that most shit he doesn’t immediately consider/agree with flies right over his head. Like he would need it pointed out very plainly that maybe he shouldn’t be super angry at mel’s mom because like. Compared to how upset he was, imagine how upset she would have been if mel actually died and remember how upset she was just as the risk of her dying. Doesn’t that make sense she’d try to protect her daughter, even if it was done like this. Hell, I feel like Kyle’s even angry after the initial moment at mel because she should have known they didn’t know she was alive or they would have been there. Kyle’d have been at her side if he knew he could be and she should have known that so why did it take so long for her to realize and come find him. >( Once Kyle grasped things, though, that’d probably be better then because he could help talk Ivan down from being mad at bea when he finds out mel’s alive. Mel desperately trying to get these boys to understand the concept of her mom being worried about her and the constant dangerous shenanigans they pull.

Also fucking /god/, Mel finding out from kyle or austin that toni called kyle out over her death in the way he did and her going to speak to him to be like hey? Fuck you??? Kyle’s a menace but he’s my menace, compared to you who’s neither my boss nor my friend, so what gives you the fucking right to judge him like you did at all, fuck you. Which honestly is less of an insult to toni but more disappoints him because for her to go back and defend Kyle even after that scare shows a perceived weakness in her judgement he feels he must have missed before. Just ‘oh good to see you didn’t die after all, but also I expected better from you??’ Toni can you /chill/????

#ignore this #the thief kid #the suit kid #the boss kid #amusing muse musings #crossovers! unlimited crossovers!#crossovers gta edition #i could read through this one last time to edit before posting but i'm not gonna do that

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