#(yeah it’s past 2 am rn) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gxtzeizm · 4 months ago

Text

the fact that me, as a fan of both lando and oscar without any bias (maybe a bit on lando but not that much), is going to witness both "oscar fans, lando antis" and "lando fans, oscar antis" posts all in my one dash 🥲🥲

also the fact that atp i couldn't even bother enough with this same situation on both lewis and george. now it happens on lando and oscar as well which got me like....

#landoscar #lando norris #oscar piastri #f1 #maybe i need to admit atp rn that #this sport is just not built for a person like me istg 🙂🙂#like....i miss the moments 2 years ago where what i only care the most is only football and football only #and couldn't even give a fuck more about guys being in circles vroom vroom #i mean thank god that there's a bayern match just now right after the race ended #which really liften my mood up and distract myself a bit from intimidating discourse and whatsoever #hmmmm ngl maybe the fact that being a football football fan in general especially in this website really brings a comfort in me #meanwhile for f1...idk why but everything about it (especially during race and after race) really overwhelms me a lot seriously speaking #maybe the fact that football is more team oriented sport #meanwhile f1 is more individual oriented despite there are teams consists of 2 individuals #and the fact that me supporting multiple individuals in a one same team despite that f1 is individual oriented sport #kinda gets me digging my own grave atp tbh #i mean when i said individual oriented sport...it kinda means that in a perspective of most of the f1 fans #and now seeing all every kinds of discourse on my dash really makes me overwhelming a lot i'm ngl #that the fact that i couldn't able to curate my own preference for this f1blr space on my dash 🥲🥲🥲#goddddd srsly tho i just want to turn back time where i only cares about bayern frankfurt and germany nt only ffs 🫠🫠🫠🫠#but yeah who am i to turn around the past 🙃🙃...and plus that once i'm getting into one hyperfixation there's no turning back at all for me #so yeah #goddddd i'm so sorry but i'm just being so fucking messy rn #like all the things that i see on my dash really exhausts my brain and my thought process forreal i really need to throw up forreal srsly :(

65 notes · View notes

bipedalcapybara · 5 months ago

Text

Somebody, help him right away... (^^♪

#mia winters #ethan winters #resident evil #resident evil biohazard #resident evil 7 #re7 #mesmerizer #This Is My Mithan Mesmerizer #Friend Vio Showed Me Mesmerizer And Said It Was MithanCore And I Once Again Opened CSP #Actually I Started This Before Other Mithan Post But This Took A While Bc Yeah <3 #Anyways I Am Now At The Marguerite Section In My First Playthru (Actually Restarted To Play On Normal And I Regret It A Little </3) And bug #I Had Thoughts On How Mesmerizer Is MithanCore But It Is Past 2 AM Rn And I Have Work In About 12 Hours So Perhaps Later HELP #my art

48 notes · View notes

are-we-really-doing-this · 1 year ago

Text

(The irony here is that he’s drinking a Mtn Dew in this picture.)

#yeah uhhhh soda bimbo Barbie Punk for y’all #ain’t she pretty?#I’m so fucking proud of this #but I am not proud of how long it took me to make #or how late I stayed up making it #(yeah it’s past 2 am rn)#but I am LIVING #cm punk #glitter gif #glitter edit #my edit #picmix #cw flickering #cw eyestrain #aew #iwa #roh

109 notes · View notes

bmpmp3 · 1 month ago

Text

post ankle-twisting clarity

#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee #so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like #so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like #overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down #happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently #my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful #tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when #they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me #because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds #which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and #instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not #totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the #animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted #sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my #faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can #just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development #rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3 #doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)

6 notes · View notes

skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago

Text

There's this nearly 4 hour movie I've been meaning to watch for a while and I was like "ah maybe ill watch it tonight hehe 🥰" and then I remember...quali is at 9 🫠

#i actually despise abu dhabi being the seaosn closer ngl #basically since Japan the race time has suited my timezone pretty well #1 am. 1 pm. 3 pm. 4 pm. 12 pm. 1 am.#<- like look at that. look at they absolutely delicious schedule #every race for the past 2 months has been at an ideal time and ive really settled into it #wow you mean i can sleep in on weekends and actually wnjoy the schedule!? oh boy!#and then they put fucking ad at the end which is at 8 am. who wants to wake up that early on a sunday #it would be fine if it was earlier in the season bcs during the middle i got pretty used to waking up before 9 bcs all the European races #but to have this one at thw end is literally horrible #its really down to timezones but fuck it really does bother me #bcs wow youve made me have zero desire to watch the season closer! thanks!!#id sooooo much rather brazil be the season closer still #like whh do you have to completely switch timezones right at the very end. its terrible #i think ill do waht i did last season and take a bit of a nap beforehand #it makes it much worse that this on a holiday wknd too. yeah bcs i rly wanna spend the last two days of my break waking up in the morning #sry im being ultra salty rn but i really dont wanna wake up for it but i hate missing race events UGHHHHHH #last yr i literally fell asleep during the first lap of AD 😭#yeah im concerned abt if nando will retain p4 or not but...waking up before 8 am...??#yeah idk i just rly dislike this scheduling #i actually kinda like AD as a track but its position in the season makes me resent it #catie.rambling.txt

15 notes · View notes

fifthnailinstevesbat · 8 months ago

Text

thinking about how after i watched the last episode of season 4, i genuinely could. not. listen to the song that plays over THAT PART for literal DAYS. you know the one. when it’s cold i’d like to die. i had to actively avoid it because hearing it made me so violently i’ll and HEARTBROKEN i could feel it like my body physically REACTED. it was insane. it still actually hurts to hear it but nothing will come CLOSE to that feeling the first week afterwards.

#it’s so hard to ever watch that episode too #like i’ve done maybe three season rewatches since that first time in july 2022 #and i still think i’ve only watched those scenes maybe two of the times #i am in a rewatch rn. and. i’ve just. stopped.#it’s been WEEKS since i binged the rest of season 4 #but i just cant bring myself to watch it again yet #it’s been like a good WHILE since i’ve actually watched the episode all the way thru #so…#yeah.#safe to say this show is wired into my emotions and i grieve the characters like i would real people #stranger things #OH my GOD LITERALLY THE WEEK AFTER. maybe like three days had past since the episode #my sister and my dad both like came up to me and asked if i was doing ok or if something had happened because i had been really quiet #and i had to look them in the eyes and explain that technically no nothing has happened #but also EVERYTHUNG has happened.#but yeah i’m ok just. stranger things season 4.#proof of how wrecked i was.#stranger things 4 #st4 #stranger things 4 vol 2

6 notes · View notes

dimonds456 · 10 months ago

Text

Nah, nevermind, I don't feel like I can properly comb through everything on my own. I'm just gonna get shit wrong, miss things, or otherwise get yelled at.

I'm just gonna rb stuff.

Read the tags as I go off there but. yeah.

Thanks to the people who helped point things out to me. As a bit of an explanation on my own end, I had just woken up lol. I was groggy and that was the first thing I did before even getting out of bed. I really should have waited, but curiosity got the best of me, so.

Whatever.

#this is about james s-merton btw. censored to keep this out of the main tags #yeah feeling like shit rn #not like i didnt have it coming #i am a gullible person and I know i am #i tried to be critical about james' apology and i only managed to notice two (2) things while actively watching #and as a filmmaker I DO still relate to the telos thing #but i think that relatablity is making it hard for me to pick out lies during that section and i HAVE noticed he lies throughout the video #I'm just not the person to properly call him out on it #i will say though that his whole 'memory issues' thing is ACTUALLY making me mad #mfer *I* have memory issues you don't get to use that as an excuse #especially since he talks about stuff on stream so much #if it really was a thing A) why is there no evidence for it? and B) why has he never talked about it before?#I didn't believe him for a second even though- when i first saw it- i REALLY wanted to #but now that i've had time to think about it it's just pissing me off #you don't get to pretend to be disabled to try and win brownie points.#even if he DOES have memory issues that DOESNT MEAN copy+pasting is suddenly okay!?#the other thing i noticed up-front was just the monetization thing- which i had admittedly forgotten about by the time I made the post #(again I had just woken up)#and that was super fucking shitty #while i was at work thinking about this i rewatched Todd in the Shadow's video and a vid debunking the apology (drama mama i think?)#and i kinda wanna rewatch now that i've had a refresher but i also dont wanna give him more money #so i won't #like i said im just gonna reblog stuff #fuck you james. genuinely. it's OVER get OFF the internet.#if you DO wanna stick around then DONT MONETIZE IT.#dimond speaks

6 notes · View notes

xxswagcorexx · 2 years ago

Text

I WIN

(transcript under the cut)

[Video transcript:

Ash: (sigh) speaking of bad times, when are you guys gonna log on with Branzy again? I wanna- me, Branzy, Clown, and Red have something to do, but I don't think I can tell anyone here. It's really, really, really funny.

Zam: You, Clown, Branzy, and Red?

Ash: I may have spoken...words that didn't need to be said.

Zam: The fuck?

Ash: There's a lot of teams (overlapped by Zam) you don't even know about, bro

Zam (overlapped): That's such a weird lineup.

Ash: I want you to shut your mouth (overlapped by Zam) and not speak.

Zam (overlapped): Oh well, fuckin' C-R-A

/End video transcript]

#lifesteal smp #mcyt #casino quartet #tw swearing #media.warning.swearing #tw caps #media.warning.caps #listen i know im 1) late to this and 2) there's Divorce happening rn #but you have to understand im an s.wagdoons main #who only Sometimes watches their streams #so like im the equalivant of constantly being on vacation and or in a constant coma when it comes to ls lore #(i have only learned lore for the past months through twt disc msgs and tumblr liveblogs)#also like theres like 0 s.wagdoons and or casino quartlet content in canon so i am Not bound to the shackles of Canon #<- lives in delusion #anyways. Yeah #mr ashswag do you happen to know xxswagcorexx on tumblr . asking for a friend . if so you should appeal to user xxswagcorexx more #<- slash jay

17 notes · View notes

eggmeralda · 2 years ago

Text

can you get burnout from doing nothing

#or am i going through a mental breakdown. based on the symptoms matching whatever the past week has had going on #unless it was caused by trying to socialise online #which i am so bad at and i guess seeing other people easily be all friends with each other kind of made my brain go 😨😱😖🤯#<- along with various other surrounding emojis #i'm stuck at uni rn bc my band has 2 gigs coming up + rehearsals so i have to be here. but there is nothing to do except Think #but yeah there was the alienated fandom feeling bc idk it always feels like everyone speaks to each other in dms and has all this like #lore with each other and i have no idea what's going on #and trying to actually interact is soooooooo exhausting and i always feel like i'm too slow or behind everyone else and yeah #and then camp weehawken began and i couldn't even deal with seeing everyone doing that and all knowing each other really well and idk #so i just left tumblr briefly. bc of everything. bc i'm irrational #basically the worst feeling is when you have friends in a fandom but then your hyperfixation starts to wear off and turns out they weren't #close friends they were fandom mutuals. btw this isn't about anyone in particular this has happened for most fandoms i've been in #it was more of a sudden realisation that's been creeping up on me for years. so to deal with the fading hyperfixation i just had to Go #and now i'm obsessed with threads. which has like no fandom. so at least the hyperfixation fadeout will be easier to deal with lol #but yeah it's that sort of feeling when you finish at some place and you make some friends but once you leave you never talk to them again #and knowing you didn't really leave a strong enough impact on them that they still wanna keep in contact with you #pretty much like that #at the same time though there's nothing to do atm so maybe i am just bored and overthinking #but still it's annoying to go through especially when it's happened for almost every experience in my life #also like I'd occasionally log back into tumblr to see what's going on but i'd see people liking posts on the swag archive and it's like #cool at least people like the archives :') but anyone could've done those #idk it's like i have to do something like that for people to actually care and as soon as i'm not contributing anything then i'm just #forgettable or something #i wanna come back to tumblr but idk if my brain is ready for that dsjkljf. i told myself i'd only come back when things feel stable #but also i'm impatient lol #again this isn't about anyone specific my brain just LOVES to malfunction it's actually its favourite pasttime <3 #but either way if i seem really negative lately or just. weird. it's just my brain being its classic overdramatic self #i mean the thoughts are very real and based on vaguely true evidence but also my brain loves to exaggerate things to sabotage my life #i'm hitting tag limit so anyway. at least threads isn't happening rn so that's pretty good #ramble

3 notes · View notes

zemnarihah · 2 years ago

Text

started moving some of my shit over to my new apartment today adn well. its moving.

#i hate moving so bad. i hate the fact that this is like my 5th(???)time moving in the past #like 4 years?#also like. i doooo think this new place WILL be better but also i really liked my current place:( like i probably wouldve chosen to stay #here but my roommate rlly hated it.#this was the biggest room ive ever had it was sooo nice i love having space.#the new place will be nice bc its v close to my school and my friends and fam like ill be able to walk to school. where i live rn its like #a 20 min drive. and itll be nice to not have to deal w parking at my school bc those parking lots are literally hell on earth. and im gonna #be spending so little on gas #it just is like. well im literally done w in person class until fall semester. so all of that quite literally doesnt matter at the moment.#the only immediate change happening is that. its gonna be smaller #also its gonna be just me and my bestie. which will be good i mean our other roommate isnt that bad by any means but i think it will be #nice to have it just be the 2 of us #also im gonna sneak buttercup in bc its also more expensive and no way am i paying more for a smaller apartment and ALSO paying pet rent #pet rent is insane anyway but especially for buttercup like SHES A CAT.#but yeah they asked if we had pets and i was like no:) and the girl at the desk goes #okay just let us know if that changes bc if we catch you:) theres a fine:) and idk if she like noticed the cat hair im always covered in or #smth but i feel like she knew. but im not worried lol it was funny though #anyway. i will have to oceans 11 heist smuggle her in (take her on saturday when management isnt there)

4 notes · View notes

greatestrival · 2 years ago

Text

twitter was on fire ytd bc of the la classique honestly it was.... disappointing to say the least

#i didnt even watch the match live i fell asleep again bc it was 3 am #safe to say the match was very disappointing idk i feel sorry for everyone whos loyal to psg #i think they really need to re structure their entire team rn bc this strategy of getting legendary players past their prime is not a good #one lmfao #like yeah u have 2/3 of the most legendary trio of all time #but if they play like that whats the point :/ idk #i dont even support psg im only there for kylian & achraf but damn...#if u like psg im sorry u deserve better

1 note · View note

orcelito · 28 days ago

Text

Man I wish I had more time to thoroughly go thru this book before my meeting. So the book I had to read that was assigned by my professor is Half the Sky by Nicholas D Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. Which is a frankly kind of grueling read, bc of how heavy its content is. Detailing the horrors that women have faced around the world in explicit detail. Definitely made me more aware of a lot of things though.

The 2nd book for this meeting, my choice of book, is Critical Race Feminism (2nd edition), a collection of essays organized by Adrian K. Wing that discusses various problems faced by women of color. I just finished reading the first essay and was genuinely invested in it, which makes me really wanna read the rest of it... but there are also 40 some essays in this, and I am NOT reading all of those in an hour. So I'm gonna have to cherry pick and skim a lot to get an overall impression prior to my appointment with my professor.

I do, however, own this book. I bought it at a used bookstore for this class, but it's still Mine. So I can come back to it and finish it on my own time, after all of this is done. I really would like to do so. I think it would be really enlightening.

#speculation nation #the first essay was talking about how black women struggle raising discrimination claims in the law #bc the law paints discrimination on the axes of gender-based or race-based. not both.#so intersectional problems get pushed to the side. black women forced to choose one or the other.#but ALSO black women (simply because they are black And women) are judged unable to properly represent women or black people #because their experiences are not universal to the women's experience (seen by default as white women's experience)#or to the black experience (seen by default as black men's experience)#because black women experience Both things they are seen as not relatable to the whole of either side.#stuff like that. one of those things where reading about it i very much am not surprised by it #but it's also not something i had really been aware of prior.#it also has essays regarding latina muslim and native american struggles. of a variety of topics.#overall i just think itll be a wonderful read for gaining insight into these things.#a little dated. it's from 2003. but society has not progressed Near as much as we'd like in just the past 2 decades.#so it's doubtlessly still relevant overall.#so. yeah. cant read all of it rn. but i will in time. it seems like it'll be very worth it.

1 note · View note

mysterious-corpse · 5 months ago

Text

I think somethings rlly fucking wrong with me

#I smoke weed and it triggers a paranoia episode I smoke weed and it triggers wtf I’m in now or maybe it’s just the caffeine combined with #the lack of sleep I only slept 2 hours last night I couldn’t sleep but then I was in a super weird mood all of yesterday which was the day #after the weed so maybe it was that or maybe not or maybe it’s just cause I was on weed for so long that my Brian’s a little fucked up abou #it or maybe it’s my body craving more weed in the way caffeine addicts crave more coffee bc it’s a similar level of addiction except weed #makes you more high and I am buzzing I am shaking while holding perfectly still I came up with a weirdass fuckign plan I thought was genius #and was so fuckign pissed off for a minute there in a way I don’t usually get where I’m not murderous but I’m not thinking clearly either #and actually it was green while anger is usually red or orange (ik it’s basic fuck off) but yeah it’s probably just the caffeine it’s prob #just the caffeine rn #but what about all the other times I keep fuckign getting like this am I in a mental health slump or am I chronically depressed and was the #past month or so a hypomanic episode or am I just grabbing onto things the way I do #I’d talk to my therapist about it but she’s on vacation til September fuck I need to talk to her I can’t sort all this out #I can’t tell if the brain fog is making it worse or better bc I can’t work through my thoughts but I also can’t spiral as efficiently #I keep thinking and feeling these great grand things about myself I’m a beautiful person everyone is lucky to have me I have the best ideas #and no one else can see it bc I know better than everyone else but they all feel so hollow and it’s just the last two days or maybe just #today I can’t remember I can’t remember a lot of things but was it the weed? what’s happening to me whats always coming back to happen to m #vent

0 notes

astrxealis · 7 months ago

Text

i am so used to my pinned post i kinda don't want to change the format but i want to

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#Like. i want it to be more ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 u get me?#it's too small/limiting for me rn ragggghhh ..... will change it soon ^_^ 💖#wow. hard to believe it's already june. 4-5ish months till i'm not a minor anymore and around 2 months till college #happy pride btw :3 Hm. i am still not out to my parents but i am vv comfortable now w who i am.#i know for sure i prefer short hair over long hair and hate when it gets past this certain length that i then need a haircut #and i've actually grown comfortable wearing dresses and skirts! which ngl has been there a bit since i watched hamilton #but only now ?? like. Yeah.#it's funny bcs when i had shorter hair than my short hair rn LMFAO it was shorter than i actually liked #but the perks were my friends telling me You Look Like A Guy Even More and some storeclerk calling me sir #but that was funny bcs i was w my twin. and ok we're identical but maybe not obvious at first bcs i wear glasses and they have slightly more #femme and long hair and her style is diff from mine. colorful or bright or maximalist vs minimalist or dark or max 3 tones same colorsalways #LMFAO. me & my twin r super comfy w each other so sometimes we make Jokes. uh. yeah. HELP?#if u get it than yaaaa B) o/ anyway yeah. also comfortable w small amts of makeup now!#if it looks natural enough i'm cool w it :3 i also like stylistic shit. but haven't tried that stuff yet <3 #i just hate makeup in general when it is too much that you don't look like yourself anymore... unless it's Cool #IDK HWO TO EXPLAIN. whatever it's not important. <3 #ouuughhh i love my new pompompurin stuffed toy... official from sanrio in japan hehehehehehhe #i like making it do stupid shit like eating my soup or mochi and i like using it to tell my mom stuff like #pompompurin thinks you suck (jokingly. i love my mom she knows how i am!)#so she says back pompomsometbinv tell your amo (owner?) she sucks more LMFAOOO #also. just. fhsbkfjd official merch... >___< we were supposed to head back to our hotelwtvr after gpinf to alihabara #akihabara** but while waiting to reload the card thing. i spotted the official yostar store and :)) YAY #so got a little standee. for arknights. 1 for me 1 for my twin but it's gachafied and the fucking. thing. is.#every chara u cld get was basically a fav of mine ESP. TEQUILA. HOLY FUCK. MY ABSOLUTE JOY SEEING HIM.#but the two we got... were both my my Twin's favs... who i also like but. they are Not my faves. :)#so apparently just in general my gacha luck really sucks.#even w the gbf pins. artemis managed to get BELIAL and then for me uhh. ok we got 1 for a surprise gift for a friend #they r not active on tumblr atm i think so shhh anyway so basically anyway. i cld have gotten sandalphon. or other ppl. and i got two charas #i DO like but... more are arti's favs than mine still..... haha. at least w the ffxiv coasters we had equal luck. Amazing luck.

0 notes

concoulor · 8 months ago

Text

spending my time sitting here getting mad about things people said to me at work this is how i know i'm really sick

#i am obviously very diseased rn no one wants to hear the details of my symptoms #but i'm also so grumpy like the people that said that to me were not trying to be assholes and they don't even know me i gotta relax abt it #yeah it was an asshole thing to say but i barely know these people who cares it's dumb to make myself upset over it #when i'm doing well in life my brain/ocd whatever it is tries to find something to be upset about #like today its this work thing that happened at least 2 weeks ago past couple days i'm starting to try and find problems with my body #even though i like my body it gets me around and takes care of me and I like how it looks my brain is like ok but what if xyz was a problem #and then i think what happens is the ocd latches onto that thought and it starts to go around and around and around #i'm officially diagnosed with ocd now which is nice though lmao

0 notes

peachinspiration · 9 months ago

Text

dunmeshi mithruncore (every day I can’t get up to make myself eat at all or get up to use the bathroom or fall asleep or actually do more to help myself unless im told to or someone physically Makes me do it or I finally manage to do so for the first time very very late in the day cuz I forced myself to out of fear)

#im in hell #that thing he said about not being able to sleep without magic or meds is so real #my sleep treatments even stopped working gradually #and if I don’t take any at all im laying awake until fuckinf 7 am #it takes me like an hour of holding it in to use the fuckinf bathroom #and the thing that makes me move is being terrified of kidney failure #it’s 6 pm and I still haven’t eaten my first meal of the day. tried ripping into a protein bar I had saved for moments like this but I can’t #make myself take more than 2 bites #the amount of times these past few years I’ve practically passed out from hunger cuz I just. cannot make myself get up to eat or make myself #something. omfgggggggff #I literally am a magic practitioner and have helped myself with spell work many times in the past yet I just can’t. make myself utilize it #more. yet I have all these books and supplies to use. and I’ve studied for hours and hours and know what to do #and it’s crazy cuz when im high off the sleep treatment THEN I actually do things but I don’t wanna use that more cuz im afraid of getting #addicted uhm. yeah idk what to even do anymore #my bf helps tremendously with leading me to do things but I don’t wanna take advantage of him too much and he’s long distance #but jesus fuck im literally on adderall now but its my emotional problems that keep it from working #it’s like wtf happened #I can’t fucking do anything unless someone’s there to guide me through it or keep me engaged as I work or they push me to in some way #and it’s like wow. cuz I want independence more than anything #it’s crazy cuz I related with his old self to the T especially with the desires and competitivity problems and trying to gain things he #doesn’t even actually want just for leverage and a sense of worth and the ‘if im not on the top on everything i dont have actual worth’thing #and other stuff I can’t remember off the top of my head. and I actually had friends and was more talkative #but now it’s like #🪿#yk what I mean #there’s a shitload of other things I relate too hard with but I can’t remember rn or I won’t mention cuz too much to go into #my bf said if he were around irl he’d cook for me and help with stuff when I go thru being like this nonstop which hey nice cuz obv id help #him with anything too #I mean there’s days where im better and can Do Things but it never lasts long and it sucks I can’t ever trust myself having a job or #I had all these things I wanted to do but I just feel nothing toward it and it drives me insane like can this maybe Not happen so often

1 note · View note