#(yeah it’s past 2 am rn)
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the fact that me, as a fan of both lando and oscar without any bias (maybe a bit on lando but not that much), is going to witness both "oscar fans, lando antis" and "lando fans, oscar antis" posts all in my one dash 🥲🥲
also the fact that atp i couldn't even bother enough with this same situation on both lewis and george. now it happens on lando and oscar as well which got me like....
#landoscar#lando norris#oscar piastri#f1#maybe i need to admit atp rn that#this sport is just not built for a person like me istg 🙂🙂#like....i miss the moments 2 years ago where what i only care the most is only football and football only#and couldn't even give a fuck more about guys being in circles vroom vroom#i mean thank god that there's a bayern match just now right after the race ended#which really liften my mood up and distract myself a bit from intimidating discourse and whatsoever#hmmmm ngl maybe the fact that being a football football fan in general especially in this website really brings a comfort in me#meanwhile for f1...idk why but everything about it (especially during race and after race) really overwhelms me a lot seriously speaking#maybe the fact that football is more team oriented sport#meanwhile f1 is more individual oriented despite there are teams consists of 2 individuals#and the fact that me supporting multiple individuals in a one same team despite that f1 is individual oriented sport#kinda gets me digging my own grave atp tbh#i mean when i said individual oriented sport...it kinda means that in a perspective of most of the f1 fans#and now seeing all every kinds of discourse on my dash really makes me overwhelming a lot i'm ngl#that the fact that i couldn't able to curate my own preference for this f1blr space on my dash 🥲🥲🥲#goddddd srsly tho i just want to turn back time where i only cares about bayern frankfurt and germany nt only ffs 🫠🫠🫠🫠#but yeah who am i to turn around the past 🙃🙃...and plus that once i'm getting into one hyperfixation there's no turning back at all for me#so yeah#goddddd i'm so sorry but i'm just being so fucking messy rn#like all the things that i see on my dash really exhausts my brain and my thought process forreal i really need to throw up forreal srsly :(
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Somebody, help him right away... (^^♪
#mia winters#ethan winters#resident evil#resident evil biohazard#resident evil 7#re7#mesmerizer#This Is My Mithan Mesmerizer#Friend Vio Showed Me Mesmerizer And Said It Was MithanCore And I Once Again Opened CSP#Actually I Started This Before Other Mithan Post But This Took A While Bc Yeah <3#Anyways I Am Now At The Marguerite Section In My First Playthru (Actually Restarted To Play On Normal And I Regret It A Little </3) And bug#I Had Thoughts On How Mesmerizer Is MithanCore But It Is Past 2 AM Rn And I Have Work In About 12 Hours So Perhaps Later HELP#my art
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Joy Harjo, Perhaps the World Ends Here | House of the Dragon 1.02 The Rogue Prince | Hanif Abdurraqib, On Hunger | House of the Dragon 1.03 Second of His Name | Hanif Abdurraqib, Welcome To Heartbreak | Chris Abani, Poet of an Ordinary Heartbreak | House of the Dragon 1.01 The Heirs of the Dragon | House of the Dragon 1.08 The Lord of the Tides | Yaedi Ignatow, We Were Love
image descriptions in Alt
#hotd#alicent hightower#rhaenyra targaryen#house of the dragon#do you see the vision. originally this was just the meal and vaemons body from 1.08 w perhaps the world ends here but then#i started thinking so now we have this and idk how coherent it is but its so funny how in the beginning i was like#ooh this is gonna be a fun short webweave for once except now i really had to watch out to not run out of slots and i used the full 30#picture limit tumblr has on photo posts. if any image looks fucked its either bc of tumblr compression or bc i cba to brighten them rn#i already spent one and a half hour typing out all the alt text theres a limit to my patience rip#anyway i only used two (2) hanif abdurraqib poems. i tried to be reasonable o7 but yeah do u see the vision. do u Get It!!!#bc i cant articulate it myself. thus this whole thing#anyway fuck let me add the bjsiness tags and then go to sleep its past midnight i need to get up early tomorrow i am fucked <333#thers other ppl here too but idk. should i tag the king. yea cmon#viserys targaryen#post w a target audience of 1.5 people 😌🙏#as usual making this has driven me insane i needed to exorcise this post like its a demon and im the pope#have at it! goodnight#caveweb#cavetext
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(The irony here is that he’s drinking a Mtn Dew in this picture.)
#yeah uhhhh soda bimbo Barbie Punk for y’all#ain’t she pretty?#I’m so fucking proud of this#but I am not proud of how long it took me to make#or how late I stayed up making it#(yeah it’s past 2 am rn)#but I am LIVING#cm punk#glitter gif#glitter edit#my edit#picmix#cw flickering#cw eyestrain#aew#iwa#roh
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There's this nearly 4 hour movie I've been meaning to watch for a while and I was like "ah maybe ill watch it tonight hehe 🥰" and then I remember...quali is at 9 🫠
#i actually despise abu dhabi being the seaosn closer ngl#basically since Japan the race time has suited my timezone pretty well#1 am. 1 pm. 3 pm. 4 pm. 12 pm. 1 am.#<- like look at that. look at they absolutely delicious schedule#every race for the past 2 months has been at an ideal time and ive really settled into it#wow you mean i can sleep in on weekends and actually wnjoy the schedule!? oh boy!#and then they put fucking ad at the end which is at 8 am. who wants to wake up that early on a sunday#it would be fine if it was earlier in the season bcs during the middle i got pretty used to waking up before 9 bcs all the European races#but to have this one at thw end is literally horrible#its really down to timezones but fuck it really does bother me#bcs wow youve made me have zero desire to watch the season closer! thanks!!#id sooooo much rather brazil be the season closer still#like whh do you have to completely switch timezones right at the very end. its terrible#i think ill do waht i did last season and take a bit of a nap beforehand#it makes it much worse that this on a holiday wknd too. yeah bcs i rly wanna spend the last two days of my break waking up in the morning#sry im being ultra salty rn but i really dont wanna wake up for it but i hate missing race events UGHHHHHH#last yr i literally fell asleep during the first lap of AD 😭#yeah im concerned abt if nando will retain p4 or not but...waking up before 8 am...??#yeah idk i just rly dislike this scheduling#i actually kinda like AD as a track but its position in the season makes me resent it#catie.rambling.txt
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girl help how do i prioritize (not actually asking for advice just ranting). i have a performance tomorrow that's technically part of my final but also the Events of the last week on campus it's technically optional. but that being said i really want to be memorized for that performance and put the time in to make it really good bc even if it isn't graded it's still an opportunity for me to test out new aubrey material (and i'm definitely gonna film it and send it to bellini). i have to turn in a "final" for my independent study which is just my way to get credit for the buddy cole doc, but that final is editing a ten minute piece out of my tour footage and because of the Events i think i will get more grace if it's not a great edit but i need to turn something in by wednesday. i have a final for my history class that's just a presentation and i've already made the powerpoint and researched so i'm confident i can improvise (it's fairly low stakes) BUT i still have to do a quiz for my history class that was due last week but i somehow missed and i haven't been able to get to it bc stressed about finals and also the Events but since it was assigned before the Events i don't think i'll get the same grace as post-Events assignments, and this quiz is worth like 10% of my grade so i need to turn something in like even tho i currently have an A in that class and Cs get degrees i still don't know what grade i'll get on my final so better safe than get a zero on the quiz but i have no motivation since it's not a final like the rest of my stuff (even if the aubrey thing is lowkey not graded??? even before the Events that class had a unique grading system so i already know i've got an A in that class regardless this is just like an optional showcase). and i also have a zoom with bruce tomorrow for the buddy cole doc which i'm very excited for but also will have to plan around the amount of hours in the day i have left to get things done lmao
anyway it's wild being in finals week bc half of me is like "i just wanna go hoooome alreadyyyy" but the other half is like "holy fuck there is too much to do i need an extra week to get it all done"
but anyway less than a week from today i'm gonna be done with my penultimate semester of college (graduating in december!!!) and i have literally zero plans for the months of may and june rn so like. i know i'm going to get incredibly bored super quickly but like one of my favorite inspirational quotes is that tumblr post that was like "in two weeks you will have different problems" and yeah that sure is true
#i remember some people on that post being like ''that's not comforting the problems are endless''#but i saw that quote for the first time when i was like 12 days away from my production of other girls and SUPER stressed#so i was like. yeah that's actually a great thought i'm still gonna have to do things in 2 weeks but it won't be what i'm working on rn#anyway i am also obviously grateful for most of the things making me busy of course#bc like. my finals are literally performing my favorite new aubrey monologue i've written in the past few months#and i have to rewatch a bunch of scott tour footage for the independent study video#and like i remember just a year ago getting to zoom with bruce was such an event it would be the most important part of my day#and all i could talk about for weeks leading up to it#and obviously i'm still super excited to get to talk to bruce the only negative thing is how busy i am with everything else#and having to do time-management factoring in my classes alongside the zoom#also when i refer to the Events that has to do with like the protests happening on campus etc.#like my college has been in the news lately for some shit#and like. yes it's a very important issue and it's really altered the climate on campus and added to everyone's anxieties#however i do NOT want to talk about it. like i support the cause but for the sake of my own mental health i will only talk about it as much#as referring to it vaguely like i did in the post.#anyway i should sleep i have a 10am class tomorrow that i might have to present my final in
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thinking about how after i watched the last episode of season 4, i genuinely could. not. listen to the song that plays over THAT PART for literal DAYS. you know the one. when it’s cold i’d like to die. i had to actively avoid it because hearing it made me so violently i’ll and HEARTBROKEN i could feel it like my body physically REACTED. it was insane. it still actually hurts to hear it but nothing will come CLOSE to that feeling the first week afterwards.
#it’s so hard to ever watch that episode too#like i’ve done maybe three season rewatches since that first time in july 2022#and i still think i’ve only watched those scenes maybe two of the times#i am in a rewatch rn. and. i’ve just. stopped.#it’s been WEEKS since i binged the rest of season 4#but i just cant bring myself to watch it again yet#it’s been like a good WHILE since i’ve actually watched the episode all the way thru#so…#yeah.#safe to say this show is wired into my emotions and i grieve the characters like i would real people#stranger things#OH my GOD LITERALLY THE WEEK AFTER. maybe like three days had past since the episode#my sister and my dad both like came up to me and asked if i was doing ok or if something had happened because i had been really quiet#and i had to look them in the eyes and explain that technically no nothing has happened#but also EVERYTHUNG has happened.#but yeah i’m ok just. stranger things season 4.#proof of how wrecked i was.#stranger things 4#st4#stranger things 4 vol 2
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all my stuff is FINALLY moved out of my apartment, got another package shipped off halfway across the country juuuust in time, my flight back home is on monday, literally i can almost fucking taste lake michigan babeyyyyyyy
#the moving/storage company came 2 hours late bc they miswrote my address on their gps</3 alas.#anyways. im basically living out of my suitcase until my flight but besides that it's SUMMER BREAKKKKK FUCK YEAH#<- has gotten like 6 hours of sleep in the past 4 days total#all i have to do now is wipe down the fridge and take out some trash and im basically DONE. jesus fucking christ. im so tired.#sometimes im like. is it normal to miss your hometown so much. i feel like im never as happy as i am back there. im always just a little#bit sad here where im living rn.........
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Nah, nevermind, I don't feel like I can properly comb through everything on my own. I'm just gonna get shit wrong, miss things, or otherwise get yelled at.
I'm just gonna rb stuff.
Read the tags as I go off there but. yeah.
Thanks to the people who helped point things out to me. As a bit of an explanation on my own end, I had just woken up lol. I was groggy and that was the first thing I did before even getting out of bed. I really should have waited, but curiosity got the best of me, so.
Whatever.
#this is about james s-merton btw. censored to keep this out of the main tags#yeah feeling like shit rn#not like i didnt have it coming#i am a gullible person and I know i am#i tried to be critical about james' apology and i only managed to notice two (2) things while actively watching#and as a filmmaker I DO still relate to the telos thing#but i think that relatablity is making it hard for me to pick out lies during that section and i HAVE noticed he lies throughout the video#I'm just not the person to properly call him out on it#i will say though that his whole 'memory issues' thing is ACTUALLY making me mad#mfer *I* have memory issues you don't get to use that as an excuse#especially since he talks about stuff on stream so much#if it really was a thing A) why is there no evidence for it? and B) why has he never talked about it before?#I didn't believe him for a second even though- when i first saw it- i REALLY wanted to#but now that i've had time to think about it it's just pissing me off#you don't get to pretend to be disabled to try and win brownie points.#even if he DOES have memory issues that DOESNT MEAN copy+pasting is suddenly okay!?#the other thing i noticed up-front was just the monetization thing- which i had admittedly forgotten about by the time I made the post#(again I had just woken up)#and that was super fucking shitty#while i was at work thinking about this i rewatched Todd in the Shadow's video and a vid debunking the apology (drama mama i think?)#and i kinda wanna rewatch now that i've had a refresher but i also dont wanna give him more money#so i won't#like i said im just gonna reblog stuff#fuck you james. genuinely. it's OVER get OFF the internet.#if you DO wanna stick around then DONT MONETIZE IT.#dimond speaks
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I WIN
(transcript under the cut)
[Video transcript:
Ash: (sigh) speaking of bad times, when are you guys gonna log on with Branzy again? I wanna- me, Branzy, Clown, and Red have something to do, but I don't think I can tell anyone here. It's really, really, really funny.
Zam: You, Clown, Branzy, and Red?
Ash: I may have spoken...words that didn't need to be said.
Zam: The fuck?
Ash: There's a lot of teams (overlapped by Zam) you don't even know about, bro
Zam (overlapped): That's such a weird lineup.
Ash: I want you to shut your mouth (overlapped by Zam) and not speak.
Zam (overlapped): Oh well, fuckin' C-R-A
/End video transcript]
#lifesteal smp#mcyt#casino quartet#tw swearing#media.warning.swearing#tw caps#media.warning.caps#listen i know im 1) late to this and 2) there's Divorce happening rn#but you have to understand im an s.wagdoons main#who only Sometimes watches their streams#so like im the equalivant of constantly being on vacation and or in a constant coma when it comes to ls lore#(i have only learned lore for the past months through twt disc msgs and tumblr liveblogs)#also like theres like 0 s.wagdoons and or casino quartlet content in canon so i am Not bound to the shackles of Canon#<- lives in delusion#anyways. Yeah#mr ashswag do you happen to know xxswagcorexx on tumblr . asking for a friend . if so you should appeal to user xxswagcorexx more#<- slash jay
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can you get burnout from doing nothing
#or am i going through a mental breakdown. based on the symptoms matching whatever the past week has had going on#unless it was caused by trying to socialise online#which i am so bad at and i guess seeing other people easily be all friends with each other kind of made my brain go 😨😱😖🤯#<- along with various other surrounding emojis#i'm stuck at uni rn bc my band has 2 gigs coming up + rehearsals so i have to be here. but there is nothing to do except Think#but yeah there was the alienated fandom feeling bc idk it always feels like everyone speaks to each other in dms and has all this like#lore with each other and i have no idea what's going on#and trying to actually interact is soooooooo exhausting and i always feel like i'm too slow or behind everyone else and yeah#and then camp weehawken began and i couldn't even deal with seeing everyone doing that and all knowing each other really well and idk#so i just left tumblr briefly. bc of everything. bc i'm irrational#basically the worst feeling is when you have friends in a fandom but then your hyperfixation starts to wear off and turns out they weren't#close friends they were fandom mutuals. btw this isn't about anyone in particular this has happened for most fandoms i've been in#it was more of a sudden realisation that's been creeping up on me for years. so to deal with the fading hyperfixation i just had to Go#and now i'm obsessed with threads. which has like no fandom. so at least the hyperfixation fadeout will be easier to deal with lol#but yeah it's that sort of feeling when you finish at some place and you make some friends but once you leave you never talk to them again#and knowing you didn't really leave a strong enough impact on them that they still wanna keep in contact with you#pretty much like that#at the same time though there's nothing to do atm so maybe i am just bored and overthinking#but still it's annoying to go through especially when it's happened for almost every experience in my life#also like I'd occasionally log back into tumblr to see what's going on but i'd see people liking posts on the swag archive and it's like#cool at least people like the archives :') but anyone could've done those#idk it's like i have to do something like that for people to actually care and as soon as i'm not contributing anything then i'm just#forgettable or something#i wanna come back to tumblr but idk if my brain is ready for that dsjkljf. i told myself i'd only come back when things feel stable#but also i'm impatient lol#again this isn't about anyone specific my brain just LOVES to malfunction it's actually its favourite pasttime <3#but either way if i seem really negative lately or just. weird. it's just my brain being its classic overdramatic self#i mean the thoughts are very real and based on vaguely true evidence but also my brain loves to exaggerate things to sabotage my life#i'm hitting tag limit so anyway. at least threads isn't happening rn so that's pretty good#ramble
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started moving some of my shit over to my new apartment today adn well. its moving.
#i hate moving so bad. i hate the fact that this is like my 5th(???)time moving in the past#like 4 years?#also like. i doooo think this new place WILL be better but also i really liked my current place:( like i probably wouldve chosen to stay#here but my roommate rlly hated it.#this was the biggest room ive ever had it was sooo nice i love having space.#the new place will be nice bc its v close to my school and my friends and fam like ill be able to walk to school. where i live rn its like#a 20 min drive. and itll be nice to not have to deal w parking at my school bc those parking lots are literally hell on earth. and im gonna#be spending so little on gas#it just is like. well im literally done w in person class until fall semester. so all of that quite literally doesnt matter at the moment.#the only immediate change happening is that. its gonna be smaller#also its gonna be just me and my bestie. which will be good i mean our other roommate isnt that bad by any means but i think it will be#nice to have it just be the 2 of us#also im gonna sneak buttercup in bc its also more expensive and no way am i paying more for a smaller apartment and ALSO paying pet rent#pet rent is insane anyway but especially for buttercup like SHES A CAT.#but yeah they asked if we had pets and i was like no:) and the girl at the desk goes#okay just let us know if that changes bc if we catch you:) theres a fine:) and idk if she like noticed the cat hair im always covered in or#smth but i feel like she knew. but im not worried lol it was funny though#anyway. i will have to oceans 11 heist smuggle her in (take her on saturday when management isnt there)
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twitter was on fire ytd bc of the la classique honestly it was.... disappointing to say the least
#i didnt even watch the match live i fell asleep again bc it was 3 am#safe to say the match was very disappointing idk i feel sorry for everyone whos loyal to psg#i think they really need to re structure their entire team rn bc this strategy of getting legendary players past their prime is not a good#one lmfao#like yeah u have 2/3 of the most legendary trio of all time#but if they play like that whats the point :/ idk#i dont even support psg im only there for kylian & achraf but damn...#if u like psg im sorry u deserve better
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I think somethings rlly fucking wrong with me
#I smoke weed and it triggers a paranoia episode I smoke weed and it triggers wtf I’m in now or maybe it’s just the caffeine combined with#the lack of sleep I only slept 2 hours last night I couldn’t sleep but then I was in a super weird mood all of yesterday which was the day#after the weed so maybe it was that or maybe not or maybe it’s just cause I was on weed for so long that my Brian’s a little fucked up abou#it or maybe it’s my body craving more weed in the way caffeine addicts crave more coffee bc it’s a similar level of addiction except weed#makes you more high and I am buzzing I am shaking while holding perfectly still I came up with a weirdass fuckign plan I thought was genius#and was so fuckign pissed off for a minute there in a way I don’t usually get where I’m not murderous but I’m not thinking clearly either#and actually it was green while anger is usually red or orange (ik it’s basic fuck off) but yeah it’s probably just the caffeine it’s prob#just the caffeine rn#but what about all the other times I keep fuckign getting like this am I in a mental health slump or am I chronically depressed and was the#past month or so a hypomanic episode or am I just grabbing onto things the way I do#I’d talk to my therapist about it but she’s on vacation til September fuck I need to talk to her I can’t sort all this out#I can’t tell if the brain fog is making it worse or better bc I can’t work through my thoughts but I also can’t spiral as efficiently#I keep thinking and feeling these great grand things about myself I’m a beautiful person everyone is lucky to have me I have the best ideas#and no one else can see it bc I know better than everyone else but they all feel so hollow and it’s just the last two days or maybe just#today I can’t remember I can’t remember a lot of things but was it the weed? what’s happening to me whats always coming back to happen to m#vent
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i am so used to my pinned post i kinda don't want to change the format but i want to
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#Like. i want it to be more ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 u get me?#it's too small/limiting for me rn ragggghhh ..... will change it soon ^_^ 💖#wow. hard to believe it's already june. 4-5ish months till i'm not a minor anymore and around 2 months till college#happy pride btw :3 Hm. i am still not out to my parents but i am vv comfortable now w who i am.#i know for sure i prefer short hair over long hair and hate when it gets past this certain length that i then need a haircut#and i've actually grown comfortable wearing dresses and skirts! which ngl has been there a bit since i watched hamilton#but only now ?? like. Yeah.#it's funny bcs when i had shorter hair than my short hair rn LMFAO it was shorter than i actually liked#but the perks were my friends telling me You Look Like A Guy Even More and some storeclerk calling me sir#but that was funny bcs i was w my twin. and ok we're identical but maybe not obvious at first bcs i wear glasses and they have slightly more#femme and long hair and her style is diff from mine. colorful or bright or maximalist vs minimalist or dark or max 3 tones same colorsalways#LMFAO. me & my twin r super comfy w each other so sometimes we make Jokes. uh. yeah. HELP?#if u get it than yaaaa B) o/ anyway yeah. also comfortable w small amts of makeup now!#if it looks natural enough i'm cool w it :3 i also like stylistic shit. but haven't tried that stuff yet <3#i just hate makeup in general when it is too much that you don't look like yourself anymore... unless it's Cool#IDK HWO TO EXPLAIN. whatever it's not important. <3#ouuughhh i love my new pompompurin stuffed toy... official from sanrio in japan hehehehehehhe#i like making it do stupid shit like eating my soup or mochi and i like using it to tell my mom stuff like#pompompurin thinks you suck (jokingly. i love my mom she knows how i am!)#so she says back pompomsometbinv tell your amo (owner?) she sucks more LMFAOOO#also. just. fhsbkfjd official merch... >___< we were supposed to head back to our hotelwtvr after gpinf to alihabara#akihabara** but while waiting to reload the card thing. i spotted the official yostar store and :)) YAY#so got a little standee. for arknights. 1 for me 1 for my twin but it's gachafied and the fucking. thing. is.#every chara u cld get was basically a fav of mine ESP. TEQUILA. HOLY FUCK. MY ABSOLUTE JOY SEEING HIM.#but the two we got... were both my my Twin's favs... who i also like but. they are Not my faves. :)#so apparently just in general my gacha luck really sucks.#even w the gbf pins. artemis managed to get BELIAL and then for me uhh. ok we got 1 for a surprise gift for a friend#they r not active on tumblr atm i think so shhh anyway so basically anyway. i cld have gotten sandalphon. or other ppl. and i got two charas#i DO like but... more are arti's favs than mine still..... haha. at least w the ffxiv coasters we had equal luck. Amazing luck.
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spending my time sitting here getting mad about things people said to me at work this is how i know i'm really sick
#i am obviously very diseased rn no one wants to hear the details of my symptoms#but i'm also so grumpy like the people that said that to me were not trying to be assholes and they don't even know me i gotta relax abt it#yeah it was an asshole thing to say but i barely know these people who cares it's dumb to make myself upset over it#when i'm doing well in life my brain/ocd whatever it is tries to find something to be upset about#like today its this work thing that happened at least 2 weeks ago past couple days i'm starting to try and find problems with my body#even though i like my body it gets me around and takes care of me and I like how it looks my brain is like ok but what if xyz was a problem#and then i think what happens is the ocd latches onto that thought and it starts to go around and around and around#i'm officially diagnosed with ocd now which is nice though lmao
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