#(we all have wildly different forms of adhd)

[haunted-house-heart]

yknow one thing about me is that i've never been told i'm difficult to buy gifts for

[imqueerandadeer]

Okay it's time again for rants and personal stories no one fucking asked for. Todays topic: How fucking rampant and normalized ableism is, with comments from @pansgoobernonsense as usual.

Really long post ahead guys you've been warned.

The reason it has been featured in the last post and now this one is because it's also ND and Asian and I wanted to get other peoples experiences with ableism.

It also said that I can interview it for practice because journalism sounds cool to me and I might want to be a journalist.

Anyways obligatory disclaimer/reminder. I don't speak for all mentally disabled people because we are not a monolith!! For example I am great at masking my ADHD and Autism (I'll get into that with more context later) and it's somthing I've picked up subconsciously. Other people with my same conditions may not be good at masking.

Also this post will mostly center around mental disabilities, specifically ADHD and autism because thats what we have and know most about. Neither me nor my friend are physically disabled (to my knowledge) so I won't speak much on it because It's not my place.

Alright with that out of the way lets add some context.

Hi, if you don't know me or haven't seen my blog before (most of you probably have though in some shape or form) I'm Ollie or Cupid. I have ADHD, self diagnosed (and peer diagnosed) autism, and possible dyscalculia. Theres also a millon other things I'm suspicious about having but I won't get into those.

Lets start with this, imagine (or don't idc) that your back in *gasp* middle school. Terrifying. Now since this is tumblr I'm gonna assume most of you have autism and/or ADHD so y'all most likely know what it's like to be in middle school and be ND. But still I wanted to talk about my experiences with ableism in school.

Okay I've noticed that the difference of how I get treated because I mask and those that can't mask for whatever reason is wildly different. I have instructional support which is technically special ed and no one has ever called me "Sped" or the R-slur. Versus the the kids who visibly have support needs and their disabilities are present. They get called those things all the fucking time.

The hypocrisy of it all is what really gets me. Kids at my school will really stand there and call these other kids dehumanizing things while I stand there as a person with ADHD and autism having to akwardly laugh it off and pretend it doesn't effect me. Yes of course I tell them off but it doesn't work, because they have been taught that what they're saying is fine and people who have higher support needs are not human, which is wrong and ablesist.

Thats not even their fault really it's what they were taught. Although if they weren't taught it and they know It's wrong but still do it then it's their fault

It genuinely got so bad that me and my friends wrote a letter to the office telling them about the ablesist language at our school, I don't think the letters ever got sent but yeah it was that bad.

On another note I don't think my schools very wheelchair accessible at all, although I wouldn't know really because I don't use a wheelchair.

Now heres @pansgoobernonsense experiences woth ableism as a whole, while mine were mostly about school its are more personal

"My personal experiences with ableism are mostly from my parents, and since I have not one but two neurodevelopmental disorders I’ve experienced it a lot. The most notable of these experiences come from my parents reaction to my autism.

A notable example was the time I was crying because I didn’t want to go to a party (I had had a panic attack at another similar party at the same place with similar people) and my dad had said I didn’t need to go but my mom made me.

I tried to explain (through tears) that I didn’t want to go and my dad angrily called me “autistic”. I’ve also been told to just “act normal” in social situations (despite the textbook definition of autism being essentially “I can’t act normal in social situations”). My parents have also neglected to tell me about my diagnosis for basically my entire life.

I was diagnosed when I was 2-3 and only found out this year. The reason behind this decision was “if I knew I’d tell everyone and use it as a get out of jail free card”.

They seem to treat my diagnosis as a label rather than an actual disability. It makes sense, since historically mental disabilities haven’t been treated the same as physical disabilities, but it’s still an awful experience."

While my experiences with things like this haven't been as severe as Nicks experiences I do have some of my own.

One time I was talking to my mother and she said that they suspected I had ADHD but didn't get me tested until I was 12 because she didn't want me on meds that early, which yes is a semi fair point but still why would you keep your suspicions a secret until I startes to notice and suspect it myself. That seems so weird to me and it could have saved me a lot if trouble if she had just told me.

Anyways thats it, sorry if it's not cohesive or coherent it's 1:00 am for me, I need to sleep

[bambiraptorx]

Okay, my long overdue infodump about yokai medicine/painkillers is here. Just as a heads up, there will be discussion of and reference to a variety of drugs, drug use, and addiction.

There are three main forms of treatment used to deal with pain: pharmaceutical drugs similar or identical to the ones used by humans, potions, and spells. For now, I'll focus on pharmaceutical type medications.

So, to begin, I do need to address the fact that the yokai population has an immense level of biodiversity, from skeletons to insects to dragons. This means that the use of medicine is probably incredibly complicated, as a given substance can has wildly different effects on different species--not to mention that even within a species a compound can have different results (see: stimulants and how they have drastically different effects for people with ADHD than for neurotypicals).

Add to that the fact that we also see a large variety of sizes for different yokai, from Exploding Frankie (maybe a foot tall) to the colossal building-sized creatures we see walking around int he first episode of the show, and you've got a very complex problem. (Size is relevant in figuring out dosages because drugs often have different effects at different doses, but also because larger people tend to need more to have an effect in the first place. A dose that would kill a mouse probably wouldn't kill a 6 foot tall man, for example, but depending on the exact drug it might still mess him up a lot.)

This means that it would be very difficult to, if not impossible, to properly categorize a chemical based on its effects. Sure, they know Adderall works as a stimulant and opiates are painkillers for humans, but how does that translate to a slime yokai who doesn't even have a nervous system? How do you effectively (and ethically) figure that out when the population of slime yokai is extremely limited? In all honesty, you probably don't.

(As a side note, it's fairly important that for the drugs humans use, they go through large amounts of animals trials before ever being tested on people to a) make sure the drug actually has the effect it's meant to, b) figure out what potential side effects might crop up, and c) find out what a lethal dose is. That's because we can reasonably compare the reactions of animals to what we might see in a human body. For large amounts of the yokai population, that comparison probably does not work.)

So yokai can, in dire circumstances, use substances that humans would (as painkillers, sedatives, etc) but it would be very difficult to know what dosages are safe for a given species, if any are. This would also mean that the Hidden City probably has a very different approach to drug education: less "ooh these drugs are evil and you'll get addicted immediately if you ever try them" and more "just because meth acts as a stimulant for humans doesn't mean it can't kill you at half the dose it takes them to even get an effect so be fucking careful".

I would imagine that drug regulation works very differently in the Hidden City out of necessity. After all, you can't even reliably say what effects a given chemical has, let alone recommend a dose for people to use. In a lot of cases, the best that the HC can do is probably enforce purity standards and proper labeling of products so that at the very least, people know what chemical they're actually getting and how much of it.

Which of course means that their legal system is entirely different when it comes to drug related crimes, because the use/possession of drugs is something that cannot effectively be criminalized when a pill that would cause an overdose in one person would act as a mild cough suppressant in another. (That and the whole idea behind making drugs illegal in the first place is to prevent addiction by making access harder, which... is a bit of a weird premise in the first place? but that's a whole other rant. Yes, use declines somewhat when the drug is made illegal, but it also makes it much harder for addicts to get the treatment they need when drug use is criminalized.)

Given the length of this post I think I'll cut it off here and edit with links when I get the other topics covered lmao.

Part 2 Part 3

[zebanon]

The zelda lore theorists are in shambles and im here to correct their shortcomings, in this essay of a tumblr post i will attempt my best to correct some large problems i have seen within zelda lore as of late.

“Where did all the shekiah tech go from botw?” It went back underground as we clearly see most of it rise from the ground in botw, and for the guardians they were used for the new towers, as for the divine beasts they were most likely buried once more, weve seen that they were originally buried prior to the age of the botw champions (the time 100 years prior to botw) so they were most likely just reburied for convenience.

“But there were too many guardians for how few new towers there are?” are you expecting hyrule to understand this massively advanced tech on their first try? Hell even some of the quests for the new towers involve them being buggy, meaning they still havent perfected their understanding of ancient shekiah tech

“Why is hyrule been founded again? Did nintendo reset the timeline?” No you idiot, hyrule has been founded again multiple times before now, we just havent seen it actually happen in game or in cutscenes, why do you think zelda games have wildly differing landscapes?

As for the zonai being introduced, they were probably there the entire time. Think about how in the start of totk zelda says that the murals say that her ancestors partnered with gods to create the kingdom of hyrule, this makes me think that the three golden goddesses from earlier zelda lore were probably zonai.

So, in botw and totk, the three dragons that we technically dont know the identities of are named naydra, dinrall, and farosh. The three golden goddesses are named nayru, din, and farore. If we consider that they were most likely zonai they most likely had access to secret stones, of which allowed them to be viewed as gods and eventually become the three immortal dragons we farm for parts in botw and totk.

Now, for the differences between malice and gloom as well as calamity ganon and ganondorf, this is a smaller misconception that ive seen that i still wish to correct anyway. Gloom is not malice but malice is gloom, if that makes sense. Basically gloom was first created by ganondorf when he acquired the secret stone, however gloom became malice after ganondorf was sealed away and he developed so much hatred that it leaked out in the form of malice and calamity ganon, attempting to destroy hyrule castle as on a stone tablet we can find in game, it is stated that the castle was made so that ganondorf would not be disturbed while sealed. However after the great calamity from botw the castle was left in shambles and ganondorf’s seal was disturbed heavily, but not enough for him to escape, however after calamity ganon is destroyed and all the malice disappeared, time passed where the castle was just kinda left to rot, its not known exactly how long has passed between botw and totk, but seemingly enough for the seal on ganondorf to effectively become useless and allow him to start spreading his gloom more. Basically, gloom is directly and intentionally made by ganondorf, but malice is just because he was literally too angry to die.

If i find any other problems with current zelda lore i will add onto this post, but for now this is all my adhd riddled brain has to say.

[yarpharp]

I had this insanely long conversation with a dear friend about how the Batfamily would probably be the most bizarre collection of accents ever. This was the verdict:

Bruce is a Gothamite, but he was raised/primarily around Alfred, with his classic British accent. He'd sound out a lot of his vowels with a bit of a Jersey drawl, but he'd annunciate with the kind of precision you expect from an Englishman. He also probably calls the bathroom the Loo in private and a few other little slang terms. BUT oh, it gets even more confusing as he gets older, because he spent a good chunk of his formative years after basically quitting college being trained by the League... Where the dialect is somewhere between archaic forms of Arabic and some Mandarin (because Ra's is old as dirt and obviously refused to adapt his language habits)? The comics were never very clear, but Arabic was a generally agreed thing. So ultimately? Bruce has this generally soft Gothamite accent with careful English annunciation but some words end up lilting because of League influences. The paparazzi claim it's his "international accent" from traveling all over so much, but in reality? He's Batman. He got that accent from being around Alfred and Ra's when he was young.

Yet then this leaves us to analyze others! I mean, what would Jason's actual accent be? He's a Crime Alley kid at the core, so an insanely aggressive Jersey accent. But then he died and came back, and who raised/trained him in his formative years? Oh yeah, ALSO THE LEAGUE. So now you got this pissed off anti-hero with a voice modulator with an accent that drags at vowels but lilts at random. None of the other criminal kingpins in Crime Alley can pin down if he's actually a local or some upstart from out of town trying to assimilate to the local vernacular.

Dick Grayson is the one with the most Frankenstein accent. Why? He grew up in the Circus, and when his Romani parent was not around to babysit him, it was a diverse mix of individuals with all sorts of accents and verbal ticks. Some lilting, some drawl, a bit of everything. Sometimes he just pronounces one word in a very specific way and it baffles Bruce and Alfred. What's worse? He's just one of those people who picks up accents from friends and family, so he ends up coming home one day after hanging out with Superman pronouncing shit like a Kansas hick out of the blue. Bruce is beside himself.

Duke and Tim are immune. Tim sounds like a Gotham rich kid with good pronunciation but a few nasal vowels and Duke just has a mid-level Jersey accent that any average Gotham kid would have.

Stephanie is the wild card. She's got the Gothamite accent but she's ADHD beyond words. And if you have ADHD, you might understand the feel when you subconsciously start picking up accents for certain words and phrases. As a result, Stephanie will randomly tone-shift into an accent she picked up from a Batfam member. Or her favorite barista at Starbucks. Or Harley Quinn's dramatic Jersey accent that outstrips Jason's.

Cass is stuck in accent/pronunciation hell. She's trying to learn to verbally speak English but everyone around her pronounces shit differently. ASL is great, it's neutral language everyone in the family knows, but when she finally speaks it's a mess of accents that reminds everyone in the family that WOW WE ARE A LANGUAGE SALAD.

Damian just sounds like a rich Arab kid. Perfect English clearly trained into him via a UK-born tutor but plenty of the lilt. He gets subconscious about it privately and tries to lose the accent for the sake of "blending in" to Gotham but he's surrounded by family with non-standard Gotham accents.

And finally: Alfred. He has his British accent but he's surrounded by people who have hybrid accents. When he is extremely upset, he loses a lot of his British posh and sounds a lot like Jason. He blames Jason for cursing wildly and repeatedly in his kitchen over the years for causing this.

[ziracona]

Also a lot more of you are disabled than realise it. If you have: Anxiety disorders, Anorexia, ADHD, Autism, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Drug addiction, Dysthymia, Memory loss, Mood disorders, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Organic mental disorders, Panic attacks, PTSD, Somatoform disorders, or Schizophrenia in an intense enough way that they prevent or drastically deter your ability to work and function the way an average person is meant to, you are considered disabled. If you have AIDS, Alzheimer’s, Arthritis, Asthma, Cancer, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Pain, Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes, Emphysema/Lung disease, Fibromyalgia, Headaches/Migraines, Heart Disease, Lupus and other auto-immune diseases, Multiple Sclerosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Musculoskeletal issues, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, or Seizures in a form that impairs your ability to do average citizen work, you are one of us.

This is an honest and open invitation to consider your struggles, even if they seem invisible or not ‘bad enough,’ true and valid and to honour your strength, and care for yourself and give yourself more kindness and leniency, but it’s also a plea to learn more about all disabled people and care more about us all, not just the ones like you or like people you know. We are all valid and we all matter, and we have very complex, sometimes overlapping, sometimes wildly different, experiences. But we all go through some real shit and spend a lot of our lives with people not even trying to understand us. We should. We should all try to learn and care more, me included. The first sign of a truly intelligent civilization is considered in anthropology to be evidence a civilization worked to make life longer, better, and more accessible to the injured, the elderly, and the disabled. It’s a core part of being human. Of being people. Please don’t forget people who don’t look disabled, but also, please don’t ignore the existence of the most visibly disabled either, or the struggles that take more work and energy to address. The people who need the most accommodation, or expense, or time. Being human at its core means not just knowing, but showing actively how much they matter, and deserve to live as full lives as they want.

[theunfairfolk]

I just finished reading your post about the fae language. That is so interesting to me. Like, the idea that the fae speak in a way that specifically and unquestionably references definite concepts. The thing is that there is no way of describing something in human languages that can ever really define something entirely. There is always some ambiguity in the words we use, and even our base perception of reality itself.

It's like we are somehow cut off from seeing the world around us "definitionally" (i guess) the way fae somehow do. Our experience of life itself is fundamentally different because we are only able to interact with it using these models and concepts and definitions we form in our minds that function more like blunt tools. They are flimsy and faulty and only are able to miraculously work at all because they have to for us to function as living beings at all. But fae are easily able to peirce throigh that veil of reality we are always held back by, because they don't really have that barrier to begin with, unlike us.

We are sort of alien to fae in the way we can survive and function at all when we are so cut off from reality like that.

Have I understood it right?

I might very gone in a ramble somewhere in there that sounded like I was trying to mansplain your own concept back to you, but I'm just excited by these concepts, and trying to put them into my own words, so I'm sorr-.... wait, I mean,

I would regret it if it does seem like that, haha

ah but DOES it reference Absolute Concepts or is that just Lincoln’s understanding of it? :3 your interpretation is fascinating and please ramble away, i have adhd i love to rotate the concept and wordvomit about it! and see others doing the same!

the actual driving force behind the concept i presented is idealism; the philosophy that everything is consciousness (put verrry simplistically lmao). the fae exist as one facet of that consciousness, still tethered together in a sort of magical hive-mind lite. the “language” they use conveys things errr somewhat telepathically, i suppose. they are— to borrow another anon’s phrasing, sharing “photographs” of THEIR (collective) perception of reality. no mundane creatures can do this, so many are limited in communication. humans, instead of sticking to grunts and growls, INVENTED A WHOLE FORM OF COMMUNICATION WITH WILDLY VARYING RULES AND RESULTS. this BOGGLES THE FAE’S MINDS.

it’s like finding out dolphins and stuff actually evolved to be land animals before 360 degree nope-ing and evolving back into the sea but keeping their lungs for funsies. humans are envied for their ability to create, and language is one of their greatest creations.

[sepublic]

           I ADORE how the show further confirms that glyphs, as a form of magic, rely more on communication? And how that pertains to Luz, Lilith, and Eda, who are all ND-coded, save Luz who IS canonically ADHD? Like… That scene where Eda realizes she can’t just mash her glyphs into one, how that’s compared to yelling a bunch of things at once to nature (AKA the Titan)… 

          Just that dawning understanding like she GETS that, she knows what it’s like to have an unresponsive teacher who isn’t patient. Who just tries to yell at her until she gets it. That whole scene gave me vibes of one teacher showing another how to handle kids, how to patiently talk to them in a way they can understand and comprehend, with gentleness and care, not brute force!

           And again, the idea that this trio of ND witches, they get it. They know how to talk to the Titan, because they know how to listen, to sit down and notice things in that way ND people can do. That it’s a certain wavelength, they know not to force orders or commands- 

          And it kind of reminds me of overstimulation? How mashing glyphs together can confuse the Titan, because it’s like a bunch of different noises at once? I’m saying this half-joking, but half-seriously, but is the Titan also neurodivergent itself?

           It’s just… VERY soft to me, how that whole scene was like Lilith and Eda learning to communicate with their OWN mutual student. And it’s funny, because the Titan, nature, it teaches them magic… But in a way, student and teacher learn from one another, as Eda has learned from Luz!

          It’s making my heart melt… I love it. It’s very gentle and just screams accommodation and learning to adapt to a kid’s needs, to be responsive to them. To avoid overstimulating, so you convey instructions in a way that makes sense and can be comprehended, one at a time…

           But also, just the idea of these witches using communication. How they can’t do things ‘on their own’, but that doesn’t make their magic any lesser for it. How this calls back to what Lilith realized in the previous episode, that it’s okay for her to ask for help… And it’s just a wonderful challenge to ableist rhetoric, that this form of magic that’s about collaboration, that isn’t based on the physical body, it’s valid! It’s perfectly good, and it’s okay to ask for help, be it from an Owl Tube or nature itself!

           Of course, this does make me wonder- If the way Lilith and Eda interacted with the Titan, with nature in this sense parallels an ND student being accommodated by a teacher… I wonder what this says about Belos? Whose coven system has huge ableist vibes, yet he claims he can SPEAK to the Titan, he can alter its geography in a way others don’t… 

          His magic is unique. Is he really listening to the Titan, the way Luz and Eda and Lilith do? Or is he like that cruel teacher, yelling and abusing it until it finally does what he wants? Or, maybe he does understand the Titan… Does it understand him? Is Belos communicating?

           With how the Titan’s body seems to distort and mutate into flesh, and become infected and wounded, like a cancerous tumor… Remember how Eda’s mashed-together glyph started uncontrollably growing, and consuming? What if everything to do with Belos is the end-product of that? Just constantly torturing the Isles until it obeys him through sheer force of will and uncompromising pain, until the Titan’s own body begins to distort in confused pain. Wildly growing and creating like that ice spell…

          We see with the Golden Guard how flesh can be transmuted into a sword. Perhaps this raw burst of magic, all at once, yields living material; Because living creatures were born from the magic of the Isles? Perhaps the purest form of magic creates life… And Belos has ‘mastered’ a way to essentially command and overstimulate the Titan to produce this raw magic, but in a way that is of course chaotic and disjointed, reflecting the agony and pain the Titan is going through. 

          The ‘noise’ that Belos produces, his ‘voice’ disturbs and twists and makes the Titan writhe until its agony becomes physical and distorts the very island itself… Which suddenly makes me wonder if Rayne the new Bard Coven leader will come into play, sound fits with music and Bard magic, but I could just be overthinking again.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Alters and Race in White-Bodied Systems

I said I was going to write something up, so I’m going to try. I will try to make this as easily understandable as possible, so please let me know if parts are unclear. This will be a little long because it’s a complex topic, but I hope you try to read it if you can. I’ve broken things up into chunks and made the text large for each header so that it is more ADHD-friendly, and tried to use layman’s terms whenever possible.

Things I’m going to be talking about in this post will be:

What is race?

What are the types of racial oppression?

How do people in DID communities/spaces perpetuate racism?

How can I check myself and avoid perpetuating racism?

Final notes

When I can, I will link to sources. For transparency, I am a nonblack/indigenous, Korean-American mixed race person with diagnosed DID. When I use the term “DID” in this post I am referring to both DID and OSDD.

#1: What is Race?

Race is a social construct, created by white people. It is not based in any science, as science has disproven there are significant genetic markers that differ between different races. “Whiteness,“ especially, has been an idea that has changed wildly over time. (A good book to read about this is called How The Irish Became White.)

Socially, people are divided along lines of race, which are blurry at best. Things like “the one drop rule“ make it so that no person of color (POC, a noun not an adjective) can fully claim whiteness. Whiteness is primarily defined by “not being a POC.”

‘Whiteness,’  like ‘colour' and ‘Blackness,' are essentially social constructs  applied to human beings rather than veritable truths that have universal  validity. The power of Whiteness, however, is manifested by the ways in  which racialized Whiteness becomes transformed into social, political,  economic, and cultural behaviour. White culture, norms, and values in  all these areas become normative natural. They become the standard  against which all other cultures, groups, and individuals are measured  and usually found to be inferior (Henry & Tator, 2006, p. 46-47).

(In layman’s terms: Whiteness is created by society, and is now defined as “normal” and “default,” while actively oppressing people of color. People of color, by not being white, are seen as inferior. It’s a catch 22 of not being enough, and when you ARE enough, you’re not considered a person of color anymore, which is exactly what happened to the Irish.)

#2: What is Racial Oppression?

“Oppression” is a word a lot of folks throw around these days, and is commonly defined by what are called the “four Is of oppression.” These four Is are:

Internalized: This is oppression instilled in POC. Thoughts like “if I am more like my white peers, I will be more respected,” “I’m not like those people of color,” and pitting different POC against each other are all examples of internalized racism.

Interpersonal: This is oppression that is between individuals, and the most recognized form of racism. Interpersonal racism can look like calling people slurs, expecting POC to conform to stereotypes, etc.

Institutional: This is oppression built into the society and systems we live in. It can look like schools with higher percentages of POC getting less funding, differing descriptions for the same behavior (hyperactive white children being described as “outgoing” while a child of color is described as “disruptive”,) income inequality, and police brutality.

Ideological: Probably the hardest for people to recognize, ideological racism exists within our very thought processes. White people are told, directly and indirectly, that they are harder working, more deserving, more capable, more advanced, and so on. The inverse is applied to POC. A good example of this is the idea of “welfare queens,” or the idea that someone only got to where they are “by playing the race card.”

All of these interact with each other. Ideological racism is the basis of institutional racism, institutional racism is enforced by interpersonal racism, and progress towards liberation is inhibited by internalized racism, which is instilled in us by all of the above. Oftentimes, these are perpetuated in ways white folks don’t even notice or intend. Offhand comments and other microaggressions (more about those here, in a 2 minute video) can reinforce racism in ways that seem small or insignificant.

Now, onto the part folks are most likely here for:

#3: How Does This Relate to DID?

In DID, alters form for all sorts of reasons, and can look like anything. From demons to angels, fictional characters to animals or objects, the ways parts form can tell someone a lot about that parts beliefs, particularly when they differ from the body. In The Haunted Self, an example is given of a part that believes they are Superman because they cannot be hurt.

When race is involved with this, ideological biases come into play. Though you may not consciously make the decision to have an alter appear a certain way, ultimately, an alter is created by your brain and your brain alone (apart from, of course, the society that your brain/body exist in.) When you are a white person, and your brain creates an alter that appears to be of color, there is a reason. Even “positive” reasons can carry racism, such as splitting an Asian-appearing alter to help with schoolwork. Oftentimes, even without knowing, that reason is due to biases regarding race.

When an alter is created, it does not magically gain the experiences of someone who would actually live in that body. An alter that appears to be a POC has no idea what it’s actually like to be a POC, has no experience with racism, and does not experience any racism. Any racial experiences they may seem to carry with them are a white person’s perception of them, it’s a lot like claiming you know a show because you watched it through a neighbor’s window.

#4: How Can I Check Myself?

So, how do you never do anything racist ever again?

I’m sorry to say, but it just isn’t possible to be 100% non-racist. Even POC cannot be 100% non-racist or anti-racist, because we unfortunately live in a society that is constantly upholding white supremacy and white supremacist beliefs.

However, the next best step is being an anti-racist! Checking yourself for biases you’re upholding or racism you’re perpetuating is an important first step. This is an often uncomfortable and confronting process, and one that never has an end, but an important one. There are a LOT of ways you can do this, but I’ll just list a few that are relevant to DID.

Familiarize yourself with common stereotypes.

The easiest way to find where your internalized biases are with alters that appear to be a different race is familiarizing yourself with common stereotypes and ideas that our society has about POC. These are often tied to things like violence, hypersexualization, drug use, and other negative attributes, but can also be things that on the surface appear to be positive, such as being studious, people-pleasing, or frugal. Regardless of whether the stereotype seems positive or negative, either way it’s still perpetuating racism.

Ask yourself: Is my POC-appearing alter more sexual than others? Are they aggressive? Is my POC-appearing alter a monster (such as a demon or a zombie,) or otherwise less human, like an animal?

Keep an eye on your language

Obviously, if you follow my blog, I don’t support talking negatively about my parts. But in addition to this, when race is involved, it’s even more important. Words like “feral,” “aggressive,“ “sassy,” “soft,” and others can have a more racist impact when used on POC than when used on white folks. Additionally, your POC-appearing alter is not an actual person of color, so avoiding language like “my Asian alter”  and replacing it with (when race is relevant,) “my alter that appears Asian” can be also a helpful change. Lastly, and I would hope this goes without saying, but language like AAVE, slurs, and “broken” English are not yours to use if you have a white body. If you wouldn’t let a white person say it, you should not let an alter in a white body say it.

Ask yourself: Would I use this word if this alter appeared white? If I saw another white person talking like this, would I be okay with that?

Avoid cultural appropriation, be aware of culture

A lot of this may seem obvious, such as not wearing native regalia if you are not native, but other aspects of cultural appropriation may not be as obvious. Asian names, for example, are both incredibly personal, important, and significant in Asian culture, and stigmatized against in white society. I don’t know of any Asian folks who do not have a white name they used in school because teachers literally refuse to try and learn our real names. The issue of cultural appropriation is, at its core, that white people are treated differently for doing the same things that POC do, even when it’s originally something that POC created.

Ask yourself: Would someone of x race be treated differently from me doing this? Is this something that POC have been told they cannot do, even though I can?

#5: Final Notes

As I say whenever I do equity workshops, learning does not end here. I encourage you, if possible, to do more research on your own about racial equity! Clicking the links I’ve included throughout my writing would be a good start, and those links may lead you to others. Getting involved with local activism groups, meeting diverse groups of people with varying ideas, and reading would also be excellent ways to further your learning at your own pace.

Reading this may have made you uncomfortable. You might’ve read something and cringed, thinking to yourself “oh no, I do/did that!” in which case, forgive yourself. Learning is always a process, and no one is ever perfect. As long as you keep in mind what you’ve learned going forward, you are not a bad person for having done something racist in the past. We live in a society that at best doesn’t punish, and at worst rewards upholding the racist beliefs we all live with. Discomfort is a part of learning, and if you were uncomfortable and kept reading, I commend you. That’s hard.

This is all written by one person, with one experience and one life story. You may at some point in time talk to someone with an entirely different experience who may say totally different things than me. Use your best judgement.

If you read all the way through and found something useful, and you can spare any change, my cashapp is $beepollen98. Money would be used to prepare for my upcoming gender surgery! Obviously no pressure, I hope you learned something and feel a little more educated, and maybe even enjoyed reading!

As always, my DMs and asks are open if you found anything confusing, and/or have suggestions/questions.

[kyidyl]

Aphantasia anon: So my recognition of smell isn’t impacted. If I come across an apple I am able to identify the scent as apple. But I don’t make association with smell. I know which perfume my mom uses because my brain has stored the fact that mom wears X perfume but if I come across a person wearing the same perfume my mind doesn’t make the connection to mom. There’s also no remembrance of memories where my mom is wearing her perfume. A smell is just a smell for me. Same for the tastes. It’s

Ok sorry I got sucked into Tiktok, lol.

That thing about the smell is still super interesting for me. Like clearly your brain identifies the smells and whatnot but you're also obviously forming long term memory in a really unique way. I'm not well-versed in neurology enough to be able to go into detail there but scent is often one of the things most strongly connected to memory, but yours doesn't connect like that. Your whole experience is so wildly different and it's very cool. I bet you have a lot less of a problem really enjoying the moment in front of you. I have ADHD so like I do a lot of daydreaming and whatnot, or zoning out, and sometimes it gets in the way of me actually engaging with what's in front of me. I'm always thinking of something else and I'm literally incapable of simply enjoying what's in front of me without hyperfocusing. Do you have autism or ADHD? BC now I wonder if it's possible for someone with aphantasia to have that kind of neurodivergence considering how often vividly imagining things while zoning out is reported as an experience we have. Do you zone out/daydream? If you do, what's the quality of it? Is it basically just like talking to yourself in your head?

If your head voice is bland and muffled (mine is muffled too. It has a weird like...fuzzy? Quality to it. Like it's far away.), I can see why long descriptions of things would get tedious for you. That's a very quick trip to sleeping....wait, do you dream??? I'm assuming you do cause everyone seems to. Do you remember it when you wake up? What are the memories like? Also re:reading, do you have trouble with metaphor or simile? If so I imagine English classes (if you're American...for all I know this is your second language.) must have been AWFUL.

Ye gods school must have been (or must be) really difficult for you. Do you think that there was something that teachers could have done/should do to make things easier for you? If you're trying to do something like geometry does it help to draw it out on a piece of paper...like maybe an external kind of visualization? And do things like google maps help you when you're navigating, or not so much? If having things in a place is helpful to you, I bet your house is pretty orderly. No idea what that's like, lol.

Hahahahha I've seen that post, too. That was also when I learned about aphantasia, and I think it was really interesting then, too. It's so hard for me to understand what it must be like to just no visualize because my mind like...it's almost like a physical space. So to me when someone says no visualization I picture a blank space. Like a TV that's off. Like closing your eyes. But I once saw someone describe their blindness by saying "what do you see out of your elbow?" well, nothing. You don't see darkness you don't perceive a sense of space or anything out of your elbow. Is it like that? Or is it like a TV that's turned off? Like a space for visualization that just doesn't turn on, or no? Like it's so hard to describe but my mind feels like a whole other place. Like...the inside of a Tardis. So when I try to imagine aphantasia my brain just supplies like this idea of a big, empty room with a very important voice in the room. But I'm guessing that it's more like you just don't have the room at all....I hope that doesn't come across as rude. It's 2am so I'm probably not being as articulate as I might otherwise be. I'm not trying to insinuate that you're empty-headed, just describing the image that my brain spits up for me.

That description of how your memories work is really cool. I'd love to read a book by someone with aphantasia just to see the differences and see how you guys write and what you emphasize. That sensory thing just is still blowing my mind. Oh man...I bet your acculturation (assimilation of your first culture.) process was totally different. Does the lack of visualization make it harder for you to interpret facial expressions? Like maybe you don't remember which expressions mean which thing bc you can't see them in your head? BTW please don't feel like you need to answer a question if it's accidentally too invasive. It's 100% ok to just be like "yeah not comfy with that".

Ok so I'm going to bed now, but go ahead and answer whenever you feel like it. I'll reply tomorrow. :)

[marvelbookclubforadults]

Book Club Meeting: Reigning in Hel

Host: @caffiend-queen​

Happy Monday! Welcome to this week’s meeting of the Marvel Book Club for Adults. (I recognize that I use the word “adult” loosely, particularly in my case.) There can be nothing better in this dreary “pandemic, we can’t go anywhere and I’m needing something to stimulate my mind (and other places) summer,” than a delightful weekly feast of tasty dishes, luscious drinks and cocktails, and a big, juicy story that we can really sink our teeth into.

Because most of the world is a scorching wasteland of burning heat and sweat, I’m offering something cool and delightful to refresh our palates before diving in….

The Shrimp and Asparagus Stir Fry is wonderfully tasty, super quick, and has only seven ingredients. I’m an ADHD-type cook and don’t remember little things like, oh, checking the food until I see the smoke. So I’ve picked something delicious that requires minimal effort.

For something sweet while you’re reading this juicy tale, the hardcore dessert favorite in my family is Scotch Shortbread Lemon Bars. They have that buttery base that only Scotch Shortbread can provide, with a tangy lemon curd and a dusting of powdered sugar.

Now that we have our nibbles ready to go, may I suggest a Strawberry-Lemon Mojito? These will be will a cooling accompaniment to our story, which is going to heat you right back up. Also, these mojitos are just as delicious without the rum, if you prefer alcohol free.

Now, let’s take everything out on the front porch and catch a breeze as the sun sets. Don’t forget the bug spray…

There is no writer that can incite such blistering envy in me as @nildespirandum. You might know her as misreall on AO3, and her Loki and Nora series in all its glorious incarnations - incubus Loki, God of Sex Loki, Loki in the body of a pudgy middle-aged human, Gladiator Loki - they’re all gorgeous. But her Blue Loki … sigh. He’s responsible for many things, including my insatiable Horn Kink.

So as the sun is blazing, allow me to draw you into Jotunn-occupied Midgard and the icy castle of King Loki in Reigning in Hel: “When the Jotunns defeated Asgard they took Midgard as a prize. Nearly a thousand years later Emperor Laufey's least favored child, Loki sits on Midgard's throne, having turned a backwater planet into one of the brightest and most valuable jewels in his father's crown. To help keep the peace with the indigenous people, he has chosen a human woman at random to serve as his queen. Now on his sixth queen, Loki finds himself with a very different kind of consort.”

Nil’s true gift is creating a fully-formed, vivid universe out of a handful of quick Marvel images or snatches of Norse myths. We enter a Midgard buried under centuries of Jotunn oppression and a universe - including Asgard - conquered by King Laufey. Nora is us: unwilling to back down and be sequestered off somewhere by her indifferent new spouse. Loki’s instant attraction to his new bride is almost appalling to him. The sex here is lush, alternately romantic and playful, but wildly arousing. As the story - and their connection - grows, there’s twists and turns and plot twists that made me screech “I did not see that coming!” about three hundred times. There’s witches and dragons and rebellions and everything that makes up a story you’ll never forget. The finish is everything you can wish for and oh, so deeply satisfying.

There’s gorgeous and very intense, detailed smut, violence, cruelty to humans and one heartbreaking (brief) scene of torture.

Even having read this half a dozen times, I downloaded it to read on a stressful flight (the jet was pitching violently up and down in a storm) and didn’t look up from my phone once in two hours … let yourself get away from wherever you are and into the dark, dreamy world of Nil’s beautiful Jotunn Midgard. I’m extremely excited to hear your responses to one of the most powerful stories I’ve ever read.

[quasieli]

top six: fictional characters that give you gender envy, flowers, little things that make you happy and d&d moments :D

Ooh lotsa questions!

Gender Envy:

1) Bow from She-Ra (2018). Something about buff athletic dude who wears crop tops and is soft as hell is very Gender to me.

2) Vax from Critical Role. Pretty boy, kinda goth rogue? That’s sexy as hell and I wish that was me. 

3) In a wildly different idea of gender envy, I’ve been thinking about it lately and @quantum-lesbian’s character in the Frostmaiden game I’m in with them, Ambrose, is Big Gender. Beautiful non-binary drow with a starry and kinda witchy aesthetic that dresses super grandly and ostentatiously no matter the occasion? Yes please.

4) Pete from The Unsleeping City, specifically season two. I adore season one Pete but season two Pete that works in a queer bookshop and has a teapot arcane focus, is artsy and is unapologetically a trans man who doesn’t give a shit about gender roles? Sign me the fuck up.  

5) Beau from Critical Role. Buff GNC lesbian mixed with academia, but like academia from the prospective of a grad student with ADHD trying to learn everything about their special interests? A+, I love her and I’m jealous. 

6) I’m gonna cheat a lil bit for this last one. I know the prompt is fictional characters, but Julia Lepetit and Jacob Andrews in their Hitman streams? Simultaneously both of them were Gender for me. Jacob esp felt like that for me, which is weird cause dresses can make me dysphoric, but I am also slightly envious of the Dude in a Dress type of gender presentation. 

Can you tell that I’m a confused trans masc enby

Gonna put it under the cut from here cause oof, there’s still a lot more.

Flowers:

1) Big slut for Sunflowers, always have been, always will be.

2) Fun fact, my dad’s family used to own a flower shop (in like the 70s, so I never got to see it :(), and one of their big things was hydrangeas. My dad has always loved them and now I love the snowballs too!  

3) A recent favorite, the Baker’s Globe Mallow. It’s a type of flower that only grows from the soils of forests that have been affected by wildfires. It’s a simple little flower but I love the idea of something beautiful rising from the ashes after tragedy. A little dramatic, but I’m queer, ofc I’m dramatic.

4) Roses are another important flower to my family (Rose was a family name for a couple generations), and ya know, they’re a classic. 

5) There’s this beautiful magnolia tree in front of my house that blooms with the most beautiful white and pink flowers every spring, and it’s one of my favorite things to see every year. 

6) There’s so many different types of Lillies and they’re all very pretty, but the Purple Stargazer is prob my favorite.

Little Things That Make Me Happy:

1) My cat, Maddie. She may be a cranky girl at times, but she is also very sweet and will always be my baby (even though she is 12). 

2) Not a little thing really, but my best friend. Just getting a sweet/silly text from her or the two of us chilling in a room, sitting in a comfortable silence because we just like being together, nothing better. 

3) Baking, esp if I’m doing it for others. I’m not much of a sweets person myself, a little treat every once in a while type person, but I love baking. It’s a very relaxing process for me, even when it can sometimes get stressful, but seeing people enjoying something I made, especially something that brought me great joy to make, is simply the best. 

4) In the same sorta vein, crafting and other art, but that’s a bit more personal. I love making things for others, but art, particularly drawing, is something I do more for me. It’s such a great feeling when you can get into a really good art mood and just sink yourself into a project. I love it.

5) My plush toys. Yes, I am a 23 year old, no I will not stop loving my plushies. I just got a few new friends, which I made a post about recently, and they such good cuddle buddies. However, there is one king amongst them all. I have this old, beat up christmas puppy beanie baby, on his tag named Jingle Pup, but I just call him Jingle. I had one version of him since I was like 6, but he currently lives on a shelf cause he is very beaten up and fragile, but his “brother”, who I got when I was 8, is still in kinda good shape and is currently chilling on my chest as I type this lol.

6) Again, not a little thing, but it’s important to mention; D&D. The game itself is such a joy, but truly the best part of it is the people. I love creating stories and memories with people through this weird little game. Truly one of my favorite things to do.

D&D Moments:

These are all gonna be personal moments, rather than anything from actual play shows/podcasts. RC is Reforged Campaign, where I play Saube, and FM is Frostmaiden, where I play Sparks.

1) RC - Meeting Mahety, Saube’s girlfriend. We met her way back in session 12 and we are now up to like session 73. Saube saw her and was immediately big heart eyes at her but also felt a bit awkward and shy. So, being a game a dice, I decided to roll. 10 or higher, Saube would talk to her, 9 or lower, she’d stay put. I rolled a 17, 17 is now a lucky number for me. I love Mahety and I’d die for her. 

2) FM - This was an insane fight that should not have been so crazy, but in a fairly early session, my group went up against an angry druid and her awakened animals. So much batshit stuff happened in that fight, and we unfortunately lost our bread loving bard (RIP Agneyis), but one of my favorite combat turns happened in this fight. Our artificer, Omaren, has a robe of useful items and one of the patches on it creates a large pit. Thinking quickly, Omaren tore off the patch, slid it under one of the dire wolves we were fighting and created a looney tunes style pit under it, allowing us to take it out easily via pot shots. Such a clutch move and such a funny visual, especially because the dire wolf kept failing the checks to get out of the pit.  

3) RC - Saube’s Zebrith (I will never remember how this actually spelled RIP). So, for context, Saube ended up with a death curse (long story) that mechanically meant they had disadvantage on any death saving throws. Scary as hell, need to get that fixed! So, Saube and their party had to be smuggled into another country to talk with some religious leaders of a goddess known as The First, the goddess of death. They were told that Saube would have to go through the aforementioned ritual, which included her soul leaving her body for a short period of time. During this ritual, her friends had to call back to her, to say things that would bring her back to her body and I still cry thinking about that game. That ritual was not only important for Saube bodily, but spiritually as well. After that ritual, Saube officially became a cleric of The First! 

4) A real sappy one, RC - Saube meeting all of her friends. Anyone who follows along with the rantings on my blog probably knows how important this game is to me. I met this random group of strangers on tumblr and formed a D&D party with them and now, a year and a half later, I honestly think it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I know that sounds silly and dramatic but not only has this game brought me so much joy and comfort, but I also gained a group of really amazing friends who have been nothing but amazing since day one. As much as Saube knows she can depend on SICL, I know I can depend on my group of weirdos lol. We both love our friends very much and even though we’ve all been through some crazy shit, we wouldn’t change it for the world.    

5) RC - Just playing Saube in general. I really didn’t intend for it to be this way, but Saube is very much a reflection of myself. She is the first long term character I have ever played and so much of me is in her. I try not to treat D&D like therapy, because that’s unfair to my DM and fellow party members, but playing Saube has allowed me to work through some of my own problems, especially social anxiety, in a lot safer of an environment. It isn’t so much that I’m asking this game to help me fix my life, but playing out these scenarios that, in the real world, would make me anxious or make me freak out, I can stop, take a moment to breathe and work out these issues in a way that makes sense to me. Playing her has led me to understanding myself a bit better, as well, and that’s truly such a wonderfully unexpected gift from this whole experience. 

6) Lastly, a silly one: RC - Getting a crit 6. The last session of this game got real interesting. Saube’s party ended up in the ethereal plane and magic got real fucky there. So, any time any of us tried to cast a spell, we’d roll a d20, not look at the result, and then try to guess what number rolled. The closer to the number, the better the result. A few times, a few people managed to get within like 3 or 4 of their roll, but oh the power I felt when I rolled a 6 (on Saube’s die!) and guessed it correctly! So, not only did the spell (Bless) work, but it worked super well. So instead of getting +1d4 to attack rolls and saving throws, Saube and two other party members got +2d4 to attacks, saving throws and skill checks. So powerful I broke the rules of D&D lmao. 

[flamingfalcon3]

Lea Dilallo- Character Analysis

Let me start this by saying that Lea is my absolute favorite character in The Good Doctor. An odd choice, I know, considering how little we actually know about her and that season 3 hasn’t exactly portrayed her in the best light in the eyes of many. But re-watching the scenes she was in I’ve picked up on quite a few lines that have made me even more intrigued about her character and why she may act the way she does. 

First of all, I have a strong suspicion that Lea has a form of ADHD. While I myself am wildly different from Lea, there are things about her that I can relate to. She has a passion for automobiles, but has quit her job multiple times due to not being able to actually build and create things. She is also impulsive, like when she ate Shaun’s apple without thinking but immediately felt guilty about it. She can be disorganized, procrastinates, and can’t make up her mind about important life decisions. I don’t think the writers intended to give her ADHD, but the subtext is definitely there. 

One thing that confused many fans, including myself, is when Lea came back from Hershey but seemingly lost all romantic interest in Shaun. It made it seem like she was just playing with his feelings. However, I really do not think this is the case. It is strongly implied throughout the second and third season that she really didn’t have friends outside of Shaun. It is also important to note that she seems to have a strained relationship with her family. It is likely that she was still close with her brother, but after their business tanked, their relationship did as well. When she returned to San Jose, she was probably so distraught by what happened that the last thing she wanted was a serious relationship. She just wanted to be with a friend that she cared about. 

A lot of the hate Lea gets likely stem from her outbursts towards Shaun, especially the one in the 17th episode of the 3rd season. I do not want to defend Lea too much here, because what she said was pretty horrible. But I do want to note that in the previous episode, Lea made it clear that she loved him but she thought she would be too much of a challenge for him. It was a moment of vulnerability and honestly from Lea that we don’t often get to see. Some may say it was an act of selfishness, but her concerns were valid and she wanted what was best for Shaun because she loved him. The next episode, Shaun was constantly showing Lea that he would “fix” himself for her, which pushed Lea into having her outburst. 

Are Shaun and Lea a toxic couple? I don’t think so. For one thing, we haven’t even seen them as a couple yet, so there is really no way of knowing. I personally find them to be a great match for each other, as they make each other better people, even when their relationship was platonic. they found comfort in each other and have a very strong bond. They are also extremely honest and open with each other, which is always a very good thing in a relationship. One of my favorite scenes in the entire series was when Shaun was having a meltdown after his father’s death, and Lea was able to calm him down almost immediately. She has a certain understanding of him that few other characters in the show do. When they were living together, they worked hard to try to accommodate the other and I’m certain they will become even better as their relationship progresses. 

Is Lea a perfect character? Of course not, and I can understand why people may dislike her (although maybe there doesn’t have to be as many negative posts about her? I would like to scroll through her tag without seeing quite so much hate lol). But she’s learning and she’s growing, and I find that admirable. 

[fenmere]

What's the difference between being neurotypical, allistic, neurodivergent, and/or autistic?

These are our first attempts at diagrams like this, and they're definitely rough and limited and somewhat inaccurate. They're absolutely not definitive. We're using them to illustrate qualitative differences, not quantitative differences.

So, the first thing to understand is that the way that we categorize traits and symptoms is a culture construct and is always going to have inaccuracies. There will be lots of people who fit the categories, but there will always be a few people who don't.

Also, there's a lot of overlap between different disorders and neurotypes. For instance, PTSD, ADHD, and Schizophrenia can all exhibit and/or cause executive dysfunction. ADHD currently is defined by executive dysfunction. You can't have ADHD and NOT experience executive dysfunction. The same is not necessarily true for PTSD and Schizophrenia.

PTSD, ADHD, and Schizophrenia are neurotypes.

The following explanation of what Autism is is based on what we learned from our evaluating psychologist coupled with a bunch of reading we've done. It is one of the leading theories, and the one we subscribe to because it makes the most sense to us. We write in an authoritative tone about it from here on out because that's just the easiest way for us to impart the information.

Neurotypical is also a neurotype. It's the state of not having any significant disabling traits, and our culture is based on the assumption that it is the norm (it actually probably isn't).

So, someone who develops neurotypically would not develop any of the traits that would result in a diagnosis of a disorder or other neurotype such as PTSD, Schizophrenia, or ADHD.

But someone who is neurodivergent is someone who, for whatever reason, at some point in their life, is pushed to develop traits of a neurological or psychological disability (a set of traits not accommodated by society). This is usually still a fairly stable and predicable path of development, though. Over the course of this person's life, they can expect to deal with the same set of obstacles, changing gradually and logically. IF they are not autistic.

Autism is a state of developmental fibrillation. It is chaos. It is by definition neurodivegent, but there is a distinct difference between allistic (not autistic) neurodivergence and autistic neurodivergence. Unlike ADHD, which is defined by a set of traits that one must have to qualify for a diagnosis, Autism is defined entirely by that state of chaos and not by it's traits. There are NO traits that are exclusively autistic or necessary for autism except the chaotic development itself.

And, autism touches aspects of development that are not neurological. It includes absolutely EVERYTHING about a person, including physical deviations from the norm such as scoliosis. And it's pretty impossible to differentiate between things that cause autism and things that are caused by autism.

This is why autistic people react unpredictably to medications, even at different stages of their life. It's why some of us are non-verbal as children and hyperverbal as adults, and why some of us are hyperverbal as children and non-verbal or talk much less as adults. It's why autistics tend to be queer more often than people who are not.

Most simply described, autism is a state of being where you are simply more likely to exhibit any exceptional trait, symptom, disorder, or even entire other neurotype than anyone who is not autistic.

The one big social effect of being autistic, though, is that allistic people, whether NT or ND, are more likely to react negatively to the sight of an autistic person. The massive number of deviations from the norm that we experience kind of puts us into an uncanny valley for allistic people, even with just still photos (this was shown in a series of studies, but is also born out by our experiences). So something that all autistic people tend to experience is some level of alienation from being treated extra poorly by the majority of people in our lives.

It's something that is adjacent to what allistic neurodivergent people experience, because their behavior tends to put neurotypical people off and causes social rifts and oppression. But it's different because alllistic neurodivergent people even tend to treat autistics this way before we can even move or talk.

And it's in this way that autistic people form a sense of community. We gravitate toward each other, since we don't necessarily trigger that response in other autistics, and we are comfortable around each other, for the most part. We also have a lot of shared experiences with how we are treated as different, even when we have wildly different differences. And we can form bonds more easily with allistic neurodivergent people, because of similar experiences, but in OUR (the Inmara's) experience, allistic neurodivergent people still hold us at arm's length, so we can usually tell when they are not autistic.

And yet, true to chaotic development and having no defining traits, there are autistic people who feel like they have nothing in common with other autistics, and we do all sometimes set off each others' uncanny valley response. Not as much as we do to allistic people, but it still happens.

And, finally, this is how you are either autistic or you're not. Your system can be in a state of chaos, or not in a state of chaos. There is literally no gradient to that.

[anarchistettin]

the word anarchism, anarchy in the world, personal reality

yes: I am judgey af  yes: I am judging 

my judgment does not carry even 1% of the weight and danger that the average american's simple _distaste_ wields - all the vote-shaming on tumblr this year has really opened my eyes to the nature of liberalism in the USA, and the casual hatred that liberals feel for anyone who falls outside their privileged bubbles. liberals that call themselves “left” while yammering on about “strategic ballots” nshit has been pretty hard to take; some of the big popular blogs are repeated and underlined by so many people, so many voices - 

I don’t feel safe anymore, anywhere in the world or on the internet

(damn Yeats, btw: damn that asshole) 

~ the onus of another's education is not on me ~ but I'll usually accept the burden from people who are legitimately seeking understanding! I don’t need you to agree with me; I just need you not to endanger me & others. being mildly autistic and WILDLY adhd doesn't give me the best set of tools for assessing the difference between poisonous irony and genuine interest in nature's preferred organic forms of human society so

if you dislike the word "anarchy" because you associate it with violence & mayhem:

• I judge you harshly • I dismiss your opinions about social justice and responsibility • I dismiss your capability to understand language at this point, if you’re over 12 years old • I consider you a hazard; I’ll assume that your words are mostly lies, and I won’t want to share things with you

if you understand what anarchism is & feel more strongly about socialism or marxist communism, we can still be buds, depending on your reasoning, but the reasoning has to be valid. If I see/hear you repeating doctrines that castigate anarchism or denigrate anarchists as a collective, I won’t engage, if I can stop myself, and I will not forgive you until you come to me in a personal way and ask for that forgiveness, after making a believable & sincere apology.

if you are a liberal, or a frickin repub, still? we can't be friends & I don’t trust you: you're a danger, not just to me, but to life, all of life. If you’ve called me a “bot”, you would have to ask me for forgiveness for there to be a chance for connection. You would have to understand the harm you caused by repeating that shit. There are worse things on this site that impacted me personally, but they’re so messed up I can’t type about them without getting seriously upset.

I can probably forgive you for voting for the dem this year? (people do horrible things when they are afraid) but you would have to ask for that.

[ziracona]

I posted 16,773 times in 2021

1384 posts created (8%)

15389 posts reblogged (92%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 11.1 posts.

I added 6,402 tags in 2021

#dead by daylight - 1379 posts

#fate go - 1374 posts

#fate grand order - 722 posts

#queue were right you really are a bad guy - 703 posts

#fate - 489 posts

#crazy ex-girlfriend - 435 posts

#ask - 424 posts

#the terror - 322 posts

#anonymous - 279 posts

#unlimited blade works - 275 posts

Longest Tag: 142 characters

#she’s not really even pretty not that that matters much but everyone in story is always like ‘so hot!’ when really she’s just kinda 🤷🏻‍♀️ eh

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

The thing about Ace people is that they routinely do some of the fuckin best character analysis shit you ever seen. Like, Ace friend wants to talk about why a scene was lit, you better believe I’m sitting down all ears. Idk if it’s maybe the extra processing space for set decoration picking up all the intended scene elements or something, but it’s off the charts.

385 notes • Posted 2021-06-30 09:32:16 GMT

#4

Also a lot more of you are disabled than realise it. If you have: Anxiety disorders, Anorexia, ADHD, Autism, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Drug addiction, Dysthymia, Memory loss, Mood disorders, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Organic mental disorders, Panic attacks, PTSD, Somatoform disorders, or Schizophrenia in an intense enough way that they prevent or drastically deter your ability to work and function the way an average person is meant to, you are considered disabled. If you have AIDS, Alzheimer’s, Arthritis, Asthma, Cancer, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Pain, Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes, Emphysema/Lung disease, Fibromyalgia, Headaches/Migraines, Heart Disease, Lupus and other auto-immune diseases, Multiple Sclerosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Musculoskeletal issues, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, or Seizures in a form that impairs your ability to do average citizen work, you are one of us.

This is an honest and open invitation to consider your struggles, even if they seem invisible or not ‘bad enough,’ true and valid and to honour your strength, and care for yourself and give yourself more kindness and leniency, but it’s also a plea to learn more about all disabled people and care more about us all, not just the ones like you or like people you know. We are all valid and we all matter, and we have very complex, sometimes overlapping, sometimes wildly different, experiences. But we all go through some real shit and spend a lot of our lives with people not even trying to understand us. We should. We should all try to learn and care more, me included. The first sign of a truly intelligent civilization is considered in anthropology to be evidence a civilization worked to make life longer, better, and more accessible to the injured, the elderly, and the disabled. It’s a core part of being human. Of being people. Please don’t forget people who don’t look disabled, but also, please don’t ignore the existence of the most visibly disabled either, or the struggles that take more work and energy to address. The people who need the most accommodation, or expense, or time. Being human at its core means not just knowing, but showing actively how much they matter, and deserve to live as full lives as they want.

446 notes • Posted 2021-07-03 02:37:58 GMT

#3

I really love the 9th Doctor because like yes!!! I get it man! He’s like “FUCK humans—god, humans are weak and stupid and mean and petty and gross and vicious and self-important and cowardly and pompous and think they’re such hot shit when they’re the worst, can’t STAND humans!! Also God DAMN if I don’t love humans, and they aren’t incredible and brilliant and full of surprises and kindness and dignity and empathy and endurance and goodness and wonder and so impossible strong and brave and sad and alone and lasting and incalculably special and wondrous, but like, I DO hate them though—I love them! But god I fucking hate those stupid shits. I’d die for them; I’d kill for them; they’re each worth more than a whole planet, but fuck those worthless little shits can’t fucking stand humans.” — like cheers bro, the fuck—same✊😔🍻

493 notes • Posted 2021-06-15 00:49:22 GMT

#2

Rewatched Blade Works again and I just.

601 notes • Posted 2021-11-25 08:44:36 GMT

#1

No Fate GO event will ever be as funny as that time every stupid version of Nobu in the game was fighting over who the true Nobunaga was, & one of them walks up and it’s literal historical Oda Nobunaga with like his Wikipedia pic imposed into the game as his character art, and everyone in-game lost their shit because he clearly was the real one and not the canon Fate one, and she freaked so much she literally ran away, & then later Wikipedia Nobunaga showed up to die heroically with all the others in the big finale fight and every fucking bit of it was played 100% straight while being clearly acknowledged simultaneously as the most crack meta even Gudaguda had ever done

2577 notes • Posted 2021-08-07 02:49:27 GMT

This does not surprise me but I'm howlin' at the very visible transition from dbd to fgo hyperfixation also yes I know. I will never be found more relatable than that time I made a gudaguda post. Knowing that was the peak changed me. Very excited UBW post from like two weeks ago made it to #2 bc it deserved to and that show really saw and changed me. Horrifying in a way to realize that must mean I answered almost 300 anons. Like 90% were good and great so not that bad but the knee jerk reaction to seeing the sunglasses face is the 'I'm a healer, but' so it is seeing the tag too lol. Also love that I'm 99% sure my longest tag is me ragging on Amanda Young bc that's on brand and I have less than no regrets fuck that woman. Not literally, like, put her in a car crusher. Anyway. Thanks @chaoticlovingdreamer for the tag and the sweet message in yours. :) I'm not gonna tag people individually for this except @theinkgirl if she wants, but if you see this, feel free to consider it a tag. ^u^