#(this all sounds so dramatic and like i'm having a real crisis)

[jq37]

-You got the timeline of Lucy's death off by a year. She died at the end of Sophomore year. I wonder if the Grinders were trying to keep up with the Bad Kids by also bringing back a god from nameless oblivion.

-I have my own spin on why Ivy's not as good as Aelwynn. Ivy's a too realistically mean bitch, Aelwynn's a CRAZY bitch. One's way more entertaining than the other. Also Ivy's dollar store Garthy O'Brien accent is very off-putting. Stop sounding like a much cooler character, you high school hot girl cliche.

-Is Henry having Gorgug do all three Artificer years at once or one at a time? Cause one's a very logical way to go about it and the other's really not. You know, hyperfocus on finishing Freshman then Sophomore year and then play catch-up on the Junior year material. The smart way to do it. Or is Gorgug having to do Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced course material simultaneously? Cause that's a very dumb way to do it. Whichever way, Gorgug's nailing it, but that second one isn't sustainable.

-At first Fig's whole crisis about her lack of passion for being a Bard struck me as manufactured drama, but I've let it sink in and come to a different take on it. Fig's whole Rebel Punk Girl deal so far was obviously a reaction to the divorce and her life/family kinda falling apart. But now, things are REALLY great for her. Great family, great friends, great girlfriend. Her personal life is goals. So, how much is all that positive change affecting her? Is she over her Punk phase and moving on to something else? Season's not over, let's find out.

-Adaine's starting to use magic means and her connections to make money and I respect it.....BASRAR'S A GENIE! That just sank in right now as I'm typing this. But Brennan's no dummy. He probably set like a hard limit on the value of his wishes to close off that easy solution, but maybe he got sloppy and forgot to do that. Fingers crossed.

-I still don't think Fabian deserves Mazey after his behavior of late, but I'm still pretty into that ship, so whatever happens happens.

-Not much to say about Kristen and Riz. Especially Riz since he's been taking a narrative backseat so far this season. Hopefully that'll change soon. Still, Hi Riz, Hi Kristen :)

Holy shit, this one ran really long. My gift to you, I suppose.

Sorry this is late! Things are crazy! Luckily it's all still relevant. Let me go through point by point.

-You got the timeline of Lucy's death off by a year. She died at the end of Sophomore year. I wonder if the Grinders were trying to keep up with the Bad Kids by also bringing back a god from nameless oblivion.

If I said something other than that then it was a typo! I'll check and edit when I have a chance. But I think the point I was making was that it would make sense that the Rat Grinders never got more ambitious if Lucy had died the first week of school like Kristen and Gorgug. It makes less sense that they wouldn't ever leave the starting area with no dramatic incident to keep them skittish and that happened in Sophomore Year, not right away. And it def feels like they're copying the Bad Kids. The question is whether it's to just score some extra points or if there are also ulterior motives.

-I have my own spin on why Ivy's not as good as Aelwynn. Ivy's a too realistically mean bitch, Aelwynn's a CRAZY bitch. One's way more entertaining than the other. Also Ivy's dollar store Garthy O'Brien accent is very off-putting. Stop sounding like a much cooler character, you high school hot girl cliche.

That's also an excellent point! The ideal bitch character is, to quote Heathers, a "mythic bitch". You want her so crazy she doesn't feel real. You want her doing full ass crimes. Ivy is just like, the run of the mill racist bitch you went to high school with. Too close to home. Not fun at all. The only thing it pings for me is disgust. And Garthy is WAY cooler than her. I hope the Bad Kids grind her into dust.

-Is Henry having Gorgug do all three Artificer years at once or one at a time? Cause one's a very logical way to go about it and the other's really not. You know, hyperfocus on finishing Freshman then Sophomore year and then play catch-up on the Junior year material. The smart way to do it. Or is Gorgug having to do Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced course material simultaneously? Cause that's a very dumb way to do it. Whichever way, Gorgug's nailing it, but that second one isn't sustainable.

There is a split between D&D mechanics and actual in game reality sometimes and I really hope Brennan is just making Zac roll them simultaneously for mechanics reasons and in reality Gorgug is just taking all three years back to back to back and not simultaneously because it would be, as you said, and INSANE way to structure learning.

-At first Fig's whole crisis about her lack of passion for being a Bard struck me as manufactured drama, but I've let it sink in and come to a different take on it. Fig's whole Rebel Punk Girl deal so far was obviously a reaction to the divorce and her life/family kinda falling apart. But now, things are REALLY great for her. Great family, great friends, great girlfriend. Her personal life is goals. So, how much is all that positive change affecting her? Is she over her Punk phase and moving on to something else? Season's not over, let's find out.

I'm kinda curious about where exactly the disconnect is for her because it's not like she needs to even be a musician to be a bard. There are so many different subclasses. Did she get into music just to let out her aggression and now that she doesn't feel so angsty, it's not flowing as well? Would she be feeling this way if she didn't have pressure to put out an album? It's not like she lost her creative spirit in a broad sense--who else but Fig could come up with Wanda Childa? But yeah, it'll be interesting to see where she lands, especially since she has this other stuff in her life going on too that needs to be resolved (curse stuff) and also she is literally the archdevil of rebellion currently which will be hard to pull off is she doesn't feel a connection to it. Which I honestly think she still does because if she didn't, the stuff with Cass wouldn't be working as well (the whole doubt/rebellion tag team and her successful prayer). Anyway, I just think she's in a transitional period. As you said, let's find out where this goes.

-Adaine's starting to use magic means and her connections to make money and I respect it…..BASRAR'S A GENIE! That just sank in right now as I'm typing this. But Brennan's no dummy. He probably set like a hard limit on the value of his wishes to close off that easy solution, but maybe he got sloppy and forgot to do that. Fingers crossed.

There is no way Brennan is gonna let them Basrar-Ex-Machina their way out of their problems without some truly insane rolls but, in character, it wouldn't be out of pocket to ask. Especially since she's the reason he can grant more than just ice cream wishes. But yeah, good on her for using her jacket as a side hustle and I really hope her charging for visions because you know those Falinel elves are sitting on piles of ancestral cash.

-I still don't think Fabian deserves Mazey after his behavior of late, but I'm still pretty into that ship, so whatever happens happens.

I'm not overly invested in Fabian's love life but it is really funny watching him flail so badly in this department even though he's objectively really cool according to the dice. If I was friends with Mazey though I'd be like, "Girl, are you sure?" Just a bit too much of the rich boy arrogance for my tastes.

-Not much to say about Kristen and Riz. Especially Riz since he's been taking a narrative backseat so far this season. Hopefully that'll change soon. Still, Hi Riz, Hi Kristen :)

Kristen is Going Through It and Riz has been great support so they deserve a bit of a break, especially because I feel like things are gonna pop off for them pretty quick.

OK, that's it! I have to lesson plan! I will hopefully have some time to so some recapping soon!

[a-vibing-potato]

Nevermind, I'm not done ranting about HFTH tonight

I just finished episode 81 and I'm crying a little bit and am ready to cry a lot more.

First of all, I've been desperately trying to find this post lately but I can't but it was someone who said something about episode 82 or 83 I think? made them cry more than MAG 200. And... I just can't. I'm so afraid it's not even funny, but here I am and I'm like, "Are you sure 81 isn't supposed to be the sad one?!?!"

Nikignik's Outro:

I was so ready for just a chill little outro but then they pause suddenly in the middle of a sentence for like a minute straight and then just say, "This is not easy."

Like oh my gosh, Nikignik, my heart can't take this today, but then they sound like they're so close to crying (which they do a decent bit, honestly, but same, and it still gets me every time).

And when they said, "It should be easy, none of these people actually effect me and I shouldn't care about them. I've seen so many species end but it still hurts." (paraphrased but still MY HEART BROKE)

One, I still stand by my statement that Nikignik is a depression reference/symbol. Two, I see myself in Nikignik.

I care too much about these people in the Hallowoods, and I've listened to audio dramas before and it never gets easier (cue my dramatic being depressed over Hector's death earlier) and technically they're not even real but I love them all so much and I just can't????? Oh my gosh I didn't want an existential crisis tonight but maybe it's what I needed????

The very end of the outro reminds me of my day to day struggles and how even though everything seems like it's just going downhill, we have to keep moving on, and pick ourselves back up and put ourselves back together.

"Nevertheless, I will continue, in the hope that it will get better, somehow. That these vestiges of darkness will melt in the light of some new sun. That there is still a reason to fight." - Nikignik (Oh my GOSH this is so beautiful but also I'm crying but also I feel this in my SOUL)

Then they use trepidatiously as their fancy -ly adverb in the last sentence and I always love a good use of the word trepidation. :)

But then I looked ahead to the next episode, 82: Polly, Clara, and Moth. Two of my favorites (and I love you, too, Clara and the rest of Downing Hill) and the theme is Failures.

I'm really scared and really sad but also really comforted for some reason??? I didn't realize I needed someone to tell me about grief and depression and always moving forward in the hopes that things will get better but I guess I did???

Anyway, hopefully things get happier lol. You can't have light without the dark.

[queerfables]

911 || 8x01 Buzzkill!!!!!

Aaah the tone at the start of the episode gave me an immediate dopamine rush i'm so psyched

Oh we're doing sex trafficking narrative devices? sigh I'm really not gonna be able to take this seriously am i

that said as a catalyst for athena to reconnect with her fiance's killer i'm into that

Ad break 1. We're off to a solid start, I know where all the characters are in their own stories and we've got some exciting emergencies set up.

Oh it's a good thing I'm watching ahead of my wife, I think they will want some more specific warnings for this episode than just "bees"

Wow I spent the whole call on the edge of my seat, this is a great example of how a call doesn't have to be "big" to hit hard (though to be fair I'm always especially sensitive to kids and parents in danger)

Buck figuring out to use smoke and Eddie immediately backing his call T____T I love it so much!!! Honestly Buck slowly edging his way through the bees was very cool and sexy, a++

Ad break 2! That was intense and super compelling, I loved it

This Bathena scene is really strong and I love Athena being so tunnel vision about why this guy would request her specifically ie his entire existence revolves around hurting her. it's so her to assume the worst of people to the point of comedy, especially when she has a reason to write them off.

HOLY SHIT BUDDIETOMMY REAL NOT CLICKBAIT THIS IS AMAZING Tim Minear you are a blessing

Lmfao I love the dramatic pan up to the bees lurking in the shadows. Dumb horror movie vibes i love it.

Ad break 3. Keen to bounce into the next crisis.

Buck being clever about bees again! So proud of my special interest king.

And Chimney being clever about getting the stingers out, I love it

Gerrard is of course infuriating, but they've done a pretty decent job of making him, like, just this side of bearable (ie he's a fun antagonist rather than making the show miserable to watch)

Ad break 4. So far I am really enjoying the episode!!

Oh this is a really great arc for Athena imo. It's also kind of the inverse of the Bobby-Amir arc from last season, though I hope this plays out a little less infuriatingly.

Man I really hope Elaine doesn't turn out to be secretly corrupt I'd be so sad

Holy shit Buck snaps and murders Gerrard was not on my season 8 premier bingo card

(I'm also psyched about the ambiguity of was he reacting to the flying blade to protect Gerrard or did he just lose it? He definitely moved right after it came loose but did the sound just trigger him?does he even know why he did it?? I assume there will be an investigation and this will be a central focus)

Aaaaaah the cliffhanger ending was super rad!!

The teaser for next episode looks super good. I loved Bobby being like "of course my wife is flying the plane" delightful!! I'm also very interested to see what happens with Gerrard omg. Buck not being able to cope with being berated by him was pretty interesting, it definitely gave me c-ptsd vibes but idk if that was intentional or just my baggage lol.

[janiedean]

I read your metas on why you think GRRM always meant for Bran to be KITN, not King of the 7K as per what he told Benioff and Weiss during their decades-long intimate working relationship on the show adaptation and I have to say I disagree lol. I don't really understand how someone can think that Benioff and Weiss were told 'yeah Jon sits the throne and the irrelevant 8 year old fourth son of the Stark family becomes KITN' and D and D were like, 'ummm no we're going to blow our legacy by putting BRAN of all characters on the IT, and not giving our fan favorite character his shining moment on the IT.' I don't like Bran as King and neither did D and D, but they had to maintain that GOT was some semblance of an adaptation so they had to use Martin's endgames. It blows my mind that people still deny this. I do think the north being independent and Sansa being QITN was fanservice tho. She will likely be Lady of Winterfell, not queen. Anyone that thinks she ends her story in the Vale is deeply unserious.

Jon's a chosen one deconstruction because once he finds out about his parentage, it's not going to be a good thing that gives him a renewed sense of self like in the thousands of other chosen one fantasy arcs. It will be a devastating revelation for him and cause a very negative identity crisis. Also, his parentage was always meant to be a red herring, why do you think GRRM set it up in a way that there is literally no way for Jon to prove he's actually R and L's son? Much less prove he's a legitimate son born from a valid, legal marriage? I don't think anyone outside of Jon's very close inner circle will ever know the truth about who his real parents are, it's not something he will want to ever be made known lmao. The show conflating Jon with YG, not adapting YG, and basically being a Jon Snow is So Great Fanservice vehicle in the last few seasons has made the fandom think that's where his arc is leading, it's not. Not that GRRM will ever publish another book, but anyway.

Also, Jon is not AA, it is Dany. The thing is.....that's not a good thing lol. The AA prophecy is basically prophesizing the coming of Khal Stalin, not a savior lmao. That's the twist and the double edge sword with prophecies that is so very Martin. The constant debates among the fandom as to who is AA is so hilarious because they fundamentally don't understand that it's a negative prophecy. The dramatic irony of house targ thinking they need to bring about the AA prophecy to save humanity when in actuality they are unleashing a new evil that needs to be defeated is deeply delicious dramatic irony. But the fandom is too bogged down into the most basic fantasy tropes to see it and refuses to acknowledge that GRRM is cynically deconstructing these tropes. Almost as if he's trying to say that being the son of the crown prince actually sucks and will make the supposed 'chosen one's' life hell, the ethereal looking princess with the sympathetic backstory is actually an authoritarian tyrant who's bloody conquest for the iron throne using her hordes of brainwashed killing machines will cause destruction not restore some great dynasty, and the 'broken' disabled boy with special mind powers who is able to look into all of history to learn from the mistakes of all the monarchs that came before him is the 'best' ruler for a 'broken' realm.

I'm uuuuh, gonna try and reply to this as briefly as I can but like with the premise that everyone can agree or disagree with anything and text interpretation can't be set in stone until like the entire thing is over... in order

I don't really understand how someone can think that Benioff and Weiss were told 'yeah Jon sits the throne and the irrelevant 8 year old fourth son of the Stark family becomes KITN' and D and D were like, 'ummm no we're going to blow our legacy by putting BRAN of all characters on the IT, and not giving our fan favorite character his shining moment on the IT.'

anon I don't wanna sound rude but.... they lit set jon up to kill the night king and then made arya of all ppl do it NONSENSICALLY just to make ppl surprised, they literally shat all over the entire text since S2 if not S1 already, just the robb storyline shows they didn't understand anything about the point of the red wedding which they said they WANTED to adapt and they basically made shit up since s4 onwards without anything making literal sense including making c*rsei the ultimate boss when there is no shred of text evidence she's that important and grrm is pissed with the ending so like... I can 100% think that both of them didn't gaf about what grrm had to say and just understood what they wanted to, also because we're talking abt the ppl who made stannis go agamemnon on shireen because they hated his ass when if shireen dies like that no way it's stannis ordering it by any shred of textual sense so I absolutely will say dnd didn't gaf about what grrm said and threw their legacy in the trash, that because.... everyone thought the finale was trash and they haven't had a gig like that since bc no one wants them after got, with good reason, so like ppl can say that because there is nothing dnd have done as showrunners that shows they gaf about the og text, end of story

I don't like Bran as King and neither did D and D, but they had to maintain that GOT was some semblance of an adaptation so they had to use Martin's endgames. It blows my mind that people still deny this. I do think the north being independent and Sansa being QITN was fanservice tho. She will likely be Lady of Winterfell, not queen. Anyone that thinks she ends her story in the Vale is deeply unserious.

except the jc endgame is obviously not the book endgame, lit no one's endgame except imvho jon's (hahaha) and possibly tyrion/davos is the actual book endgame and I'd like everyone to remember there's no shred of textual evidence rickon doesn't die in the books but anyway like... sorry but dnd not wanting to put jon on the IT for shock value (which is obvious since everyone expected it) and not giving bran kitn to give it to sansa so ppl who wanted her to be queen would be happy makes absolute sense to me, also like... again I'm not gonna go over it again bc you said you read the meta but: bran is a deconstructed version of a kingly arthurian archetype which by himself means that he has to become king while being disabled/in virtue of having lost his legs so like sorry but bran being king is absolutely in the text but no way it makes sense it's 7k since he's directly tied to his land and its magic same as the fisher king so......

Jon's a chosen one deconstruction because once he finds out about his parentage, it's not going to be a good thing that gives him a renewed sense of self like in the thousands of other chosen one fantasy arcs. It will be a devastating revelation for him and cause a very negative identity crisis

I agree and I wrote a longass meta about jon being a chosen one deconstruction but being AA/his inheritance absolutely does not rule out it being a deconstruction imvho

Also, his parentage was always meant to be a red herring, why do you think GRRM set it up in a way that there is literally no way for Jon to prove he's actually R and L's son?

howland reed was there when he was born and lyanna could have told him and ned they were married, also bran can lit travel in time and prove it/see it happen, but even if he's not legitimate wrt rhaegar it doesn't matter because in the book he's legitimate wrt robb's will so he's gonna get kitn title at some point even just for that but like... point is if howland reed corroborates it and he gets a pet dragon or smth and no one has reasons to disagree esp because they'll need to kill zombies whether r/l were married doesn't matter at all

Much less prove he's a legitimate son born from a valid, legal marriage? I don't think anyone outside of Jon's very close inner circle will ever know the truth about who his real parents are, it's not something he will want to ever be made known lmao. The show conflating Jon with YG, not adapting YG, and basically being a Jon Snow is So Great Fanservice vehicle in the last few seasons has made the fandom think that's where his arc is leading, it's not. Not that GRRM will ever publish another book, but anyway.

we can't know about wrt grrm publishing something else or not but again: howland reed knows and he's still around and kicking and there is no reason for people to not make it known especially when it comes out and they have to treat with dany, also the show conflated young griff with both jon and cersei and jon connington with jorah and daenerys which makes no sense whatsoever so like that argument holds zero water bc they didn't know what they were doing and it shows

Also, Jon is not AA, it is Dany. The thing is.....that's not a good thing lol. The AA prophecy is basically prophesizing the coming of Khal Stalin, not a savior lmao. That's the twist and the double edge sword with prophecies that is so very Martin.

anon the second maester aemon said on page AA is daenerys out loud it went out of the window, the way asoiaf prophecies are structured everyone who's rumored to be X by other people/themselves before it actually happens won't be that, and jon only ever was deemed a candidate by a vision melisandre had... which she immediately discarded bc she didn't understand what the hell her own god was telling her so sorry but I don't agree and it's not gonna happen

The constant debates among the fandom as to who is AA is so hilarious because they fundamentally don't understand that it's a negative prophecy. The dramatic irony of house targ thinking they need to bring about the AA prophecy to save humanity when in actuality they are unleashing a new evil that needs to be defeated is deeply delicious dramatic irony. But the fandom is too bogged down into the most basic fantasy tropes to see it and refuses to acknowledge that GRRM is cynically deconstructing these tropes. Almost as if he's trying to say that being the son of the crown prince actually sucks and will make the supposed 'chosen one's' life hell, the ethereal looking princess with the sympathetic backstory is actually an authoritarian tyrant who's bloody conquest for the iron throne using her hordes of brainwashed killing machines will cause destruction not restore some great dynasty, and the 'broken' disabled boy with special mind powers who is able to look into all of history to learn from the mistakes of all the monarchs that came before him is the 'best' ruler for a 'broken' realm.

anon I don't even disagree with all of this but:

i do not think that in any way shape or form jon is not AA - there is no way he's not, he's lit the only one who actually came back to life in the show if we wanna show truth and there's no other character who lit resurrected and no one else will so there's that, he died according to the prophecy and no one in text would ever put a cent on AA being him, like.,........ what we know is not what they do and for westeros jon snow is the least likely candidate soooo like sorry but I don't think it makes sense that anyone else is AA, you can think it's dany but idt there's a chance in hell

I think the evil is already there and it's zombies, like... ik the show made it look like the long night was nothing but it's the actual ultimate big bad so there's no need for AA to be another evil, rhaegar would have misunderstood the og prophecy well enough as it is without getting that far

jon being the chosen one and AA would still make his life hell

idt dany is written in the book as an authoritarian tyrant and idt it's where she's headed and I'm saying it as someone who doesn't gaf about dany and doesn't care either way but the show version was just ridiculous and nothing in the text says she's headed there whatsoever

I also agree this fandom cannibalizing itself over who is AA is ridiculous... because it's jon and there's no reason to further argue over that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

bran can absolutely be the best ruler for a broken realm,..... the north, which has been mauled and will be further mauled by the zombies, and it makes no sense he is 7k anyway given his background and stuff, again you can disagree with it as you want but idt anything that happened in the show except an extremely selected amount of things which are absolutely out of context has a chance in hell of happening in the books and from the way grrm reacted to the finale it seems obvious to me, then... again you can agree or disagree with me but I wrote so much meta on the topic I honestly feel like I'd be rehashing myself over and over if I went about it again but like

of course everyone believes in their own interpretation but there's no way I'm gonna be swayed by any argument agains kitn!bran and 7k!jon who then abdicates and goes to the wildlings by anything that's not grrm publishing ados and writing differently, godspeed and that's mvho ;)

[cheerscoops]

ship: Argyle/Eddie Munson wc: 0.9k A/N: ignore how late this is. I was off having an existential crisis about meeting jamie campbell bower. anyway, this one is dedicated to all of my girlies (gn) in the rarepair server. thank you for helping me choose pretty much all of the pairs for this challenge and listening to me freak out about all the things. you're literally all my favorite people <3

Eddie was dying, and it was all Steve Harrington’s fault. 

Okay, maybe he wasn’t actually dying, but it sure felt like he was. Either way, it was Steve's fault, and Eddie was going to hold a grudge if he didn't feel better soon. He'd invited Steve and Robin over the night before to hang out and share a joint with him to keep him company while his boyfriend was working and his uncle was out of town. The plan had been for them to stay the night, but Steve had chosen to leave early because he wasn't feeling well. When Eddie and Robin woke up with sore throats and stuffy noses the next morning, they could only assume that they'd caught whatever Steve had.

All he wanted to do was wallow in bed until his headache and nausea disappeared, but he couldn't do that with Robin there. Instead, they had each made their own blanket cocoon on the pullout sofa, and Robin was trying to find something for them to watch on TV since neither of them wanted to get up to put on a movie badly enough.

When the phone started to ring, Eddie reluctantly got up to answer it. If it was his uncle, he wanted to say his final goodbyes before this cold inevitably killed him.

“Hello?”

“Dude, you sound terrible.”

Argyle didn't need to say it was him for Eddie to know that it was his boyfriend calling.

“Blame Steve,” he said. “He gave Robin and me his germs and then left us here to die.”

“So, you and Robin are over there by yourselves potentially dying right now?”

“No potentially about it. The end is near. Tell my uncle I love him and use my tape collection to educate the youths on what real music is.”

“You're not going to die. I'll be over soon.”

“Don't come over. Save yourself from the same cursed fate that has befallen us.”

“Get yourself back on the couch, and try to get some rest, okay? No dying unless I'm there.”

“Fine. I'll hold off the cold hand of death for now.”

“That's all I ask.”

Eddie didn't know how long he'd been asleep, but when he woke up, Argyle was inside the trailer and doing something in his kitchen.

“Who let you in?” he asked, the confusion apparent in his voice.

“Robin,” Argyle replied without looking away from what he was doing.

It was then that Eddie realized Robin wasn't sleeping beside him anymore.

“Judas,” he said when he noticed her sitting at the kitchen table with her blanket draped over her head like a cloak. “I told him not to come over and save himself from this germ palace.”

“He wouldn't stop knocking, and he said he had something that would make us feel better. I couldn't not let him in.”

Argyle paused what he was doing at the stove to grab a shopping bag off the counter and bring it over to Eddie. Eddie looked inside and found tissues, a box of the sleepytime tea he went through too quickly whenever he was sick, and the mixed berry cough drops he had to have because all of the other flavors made him gag.

“It's hard to be mad at you when you're being so nice to me.”

“That's kind of the goal here,” Argyle said as he turned his attention back to the big pot on the stove. “This is almost done, and then I can come sit with you.”

“Or you could stay far away from me. I don't want you to die, too.”

“You're not going to die. It's just a cold.”

“So, what I'm hearing is that you don't love me, and you're not going to miss me when I'm dead.”

Argyle chose not to respond to Eddie's dramatics and focused on ladling his concoction into the mugs he'd grabbed earlier. He set one down in front of Robin before making his way over to sit on the pullout with his boyfriend.

“Drink this,” he told him. “It's my nana's secret miracle cure recipe.”

Eddie glanced down into the Garfield mug that he'd been handed.

“It's chicken broth.”

“Magic healing chicken broth. I drank about a gallon of the stuff every time I was sick as a kid. You'll feel better in no time.”

Eddie slowly drank his first mug and then a second, letting himself fill up with the warmth of the broth. When he’d emptied his cup the second time, Argyle set it aside. He’d set up Wayne’s cot in the corner, so he could stay over, too, but Robin had commandeered it for herself and had fallen asleep as soon as she finished her first mug. Instead, he made himself comfortable on the pullout and motioned for Eddie to snuggle up to him.

“But you’ll get sick,” Eddie said, resting his head on his boyfriend’s chest.

“So I get sick,” he replied, rubbing up and down Eddie’s back. “You can take care of me like I took care of you.”

“But I don’t know how to make the miracle cure.”

“That’s okay. I made more than enough.”

“Too nice to me,” Eddie mumbled. “Don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do. Now get some sleep.”

Eddie drifted off to sleep in his boyfriend’s arms, and in the morning, when Argyle was the one to wake up with a sore throat and stuffy nose, it was his turn to nurse his equally whiny boyfriend back to health.

[invisiblerambler]

This is a personal ramble so most of it is going to go underneath a cut, if you're really interested I guess keep reading

so something I can't stop thinking about is the way that my therapist whom I already really like and get along with has praised me for this resilience I have. like I am well aware based on most if not all of the experiences I have had I should not be where I am now, holding down a competitive internship, attending a rigorous graduate program, successfully moving across the country twice in two years to places where I had some but limited support.

I don't say that to brag no matter how it sounds, I say that because I have never felt like there was room for me to fail, or flail, or sink into my trauma in the ways I really wanted to sometimes. Somewhere along the way or maybe the entire time it felt drilled into me that I had to make meaning out of the things I had experienced.

That none of it was worth anything if I didn't make something of myself at the end of it. some of that was by necessity, I felt like I couldn't breathe staying in the midwest and I took the first ticket I had out of there, but I also have lived my entire life believing I was exceptional. Everyone, or nearly everyone in their own ways has told me that since I was old enough to understand the word.

There was never any room for anything else. It's nothing short of a miracle that I am in any way, functioning and well-adjusted, but sometimes I want to just scream and be like what if I wasn't, what if none of this happened, what if I dramatically fell on my face and engaged in every self-destructive behavior known to man.

I fight the urge to self-sabotage constantly lately, the failure I inflict being less potent than the failure that falls outside of my realm of control.

I know that the fact that I feel uncomfortable is because I am doing uncharted things, I am breaking generational curses or whatever, but sometimes, I don't want to be doing that, I don't want to be the bigger person, I don't want to be exceptional, I want to be ugly crying, snotty and taken care of by someone else.

I want to feel nurtured and taken care of and like I can let someone else do something without feeling like my heart is going to explode.

I always have it under control, even in the moments I don't I pretend I do until that's true again.

the thing I crave from the depth of my bones is nurturing. someone to take care of me when I'm sick and hold me while I'm coming down from a nightmare or sobbing through a flashback.

I'm tired of being high functioning and resilient, and well-adjusted, I want to be someone who isn't high achieving for exactly five minutes.

I want to scream at everyone and lash out and cry. I want to act in ways that aren't the socially acceptable way for women to absorb their own trauma into their bloodstream for just five minutes.

In February, I had something resembling a crisis of faith, if the faith in question was myself. I was struggling to see what I was doing in my grad program and if when it was all over I had the instincts to succeed.

Everyone was worried about me, and looking back they were right to do so, I was incredibly emotionally fragile. I asked for help where I could but a part of me just wanted someone to hold me. The persona of type a know it all had grown tired and I was revealing in real time how fragile the persona was. A part of me didn't care doesn't care, because the type a persona is so tired, played out, but the put together girl who also secretly is holding it together by a thread well now we've got a picture on our hands.

hour to hour, minute to minute, second to second, I wonder if the ambitions I have are really mine, if the drive I have is genuine or still me trying to make up for something.

Less and less do I believe it comes from anywhere other than inside of me, at least on my better days.

It feels like a greedy ask on top of everything else I have to beg the universe to send me a life partner. I just need someone I can be vulnerable around without feeling like my heart is going to come through my mouth.

I will not get where I want to go without help, and I want someone so badly who I can come home to at the end of the day and let them take care of it. I just want to be taken care of.

[thedragonchilde]

G Gundam meta notes part... The last one! Episodes 45-49

"Rain's Crisis: Return Of The Devil Gundam"

-”these are the last tears we'll ever shed for Master Asia” are you sure about that, Domon?

-not to downplay your stakes, George, but you learned that you didn't have to hang everything on that sense of duty you fought for, so of course you're the most likely to feel fulfilled even though you lost

-I heard that passive-aggression, Argo

-Domon's plan was just to walk through the hospital halls shouting for Rain? Good job

-I mean, I guess I can see Rain's logic in that she'd worry Domon would resent her, but… that's his decision to make, y'know?

-the way Chibodee yelled for Domon sounded pretty anguished, even for being out of breath

-dammit I have to rip off my headphones every time Domon sobs

-interesting that Wong was doing research - or, wait. He doesn't seem like the type to do it himself. But how did he keep it quiet among whatever scientists he hired? And how quickly did they come up with this? 

-why the hell would you tell Ulube you're giving him up? 

-okay, what was that? Shuffle Alliance empathy? Did Domon accidentally spread the empathy powers to Rain?

-I still maintain that Chibodee's crack about "if you can't decide, then I'll get Rain and make her mine" was less an actual threat and more specifically to get under Domon's skin and get the guy to do something - I mean, am I the only one who hears the sheer level of "ughhhh you idiot" in his voice?

-Sai is so upset over this!! I would almost make a joke about his ship sinking, but for real, this seems to hit a nerve with him!

-is Domon actually able to commune with the spirits of the dead through his Shuffle powers? 

"Devil Colony Activated: Attack Of The Shuffle Alliance"

-Domon's attack speeches are so common you don't really think about them after a while, but he's got quite a dramatic way with words

-how do they have news cameras in space? (And looking forward, are they filming the whole fight? Does the big confession go international?)

-I know that the dub is swear-free, but I really would've loved that "Jesus" in this voice

-the obligatory “Rain is in a vagina”

-I'm pretty sure I have that A/N scene memorized at this point, and I have meta about it already so I don't want to repeat myself

-interesting that Rain had to get naked for the DG but Kyoji didn't

-okay so under what circumstances do people get sentenced to stasis?

-"YOU FREAK

-”there won't be a real reason for us to be together anymore” is being friends not a reason? Who put that idea in your head?

-”you're helping me out?” Why wouldn't they?

-"RING THE BELL, DOMON KASSHU”

"Earth's S.O.S.: Rescue Gundam Federation”

-I think there's room to say something about the contrast of a destructive rivalry (Drs Kasshu vs Mikamura) to all the constructive ones we see

-Chibodee going Leeroy Jenkins once again - and bruh didn't you just say "don't be careless" a few minutes ago?

-”if anybody disagrees, come at me!” That's perfect for a reaction macro

-Carlos is okay!

-the World Gundam Federation, something to keep in mind for post-canon stuff

-OH GOOD, TIME TO SCREAM ABOUT THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP

-I have at least half a feeling about, in a group setting, Chibodee being the one to pull out Domon's words in a tight spot, and most of it is in the delivery

-Dr Kasshu has purple eyes

-"I heard that Major Ulube was shredded, that Major Ulube had an eight-pack"

-Dr Kasshu’s voice is quite similar to Kyoji’s

-”this is my family's fault, let me go it alone” dammit Domon, that's what Rain did to get into this trouble

-awkwardly long laughter to fill in where nobody wants to say "we care about you, you idiot"

-LEEROY GODDAMN JENKINS CROCKETT

-Argo didn't even get to do anything 

-Shirley looks like she's about to vomit at the sight of DG!Ulube

-Mrs Kasshu never speaks. I wonder if Domon doesn't remember her voice

-I am eating up these vocal performances!!

-TEAM ATTACK

-”did we win?” Bunny you're so fucking precious

"God Gundam's Great Triumph: A Hopeful Future; Ready, Go!”

-Domon has had so fucking much asked of him, of course he's gonna stick his neck out for what little he has left of his crumbling life

-I wonder how Dr Kasshu feels about what his creation has become

-”Zuisen Beam/Keiun Laser!” they just wanted to join in on the calling-your-attacks fun

-I'd like a freeze frame of the Mandala Circle with all the Gundams 

-Hoy, Ming, why are you outside? 

-you should learn never to say “we did it” because you're always premature

-”it's destroying itself” yeah that's some good symbolism there

-this is really the culmination of the ‘technology powered by emotions’ thread

-how is Allenby interfacing with Domon?

-again, Domon has a way with words! He may not think he's good at expressing himself that way, but damn, he's poetic

-”it's not that hard to do!” That sounds like some bullshit, I'm fucking aro and I know admitting your feelings can be hard. And if that was Chibodee as I suspect, that's double bullshit - you pretend you're an open book, but you resist being vulnerable. You can encourage Domon without straight up lying!

-okay, the silver and gold imagery is a decent way to go for opposites attract

-I do so love a good “I know you're in there” fight, and to combine that with a love confession should be catnip for me

-god fucking damnit I wish this ship had been built up… better? More evenly? Not been stomped on so hard by Domon's fuckery before coming back to it? (Because honestly I could almost buy it by the end of Guyana, and then…) Honest to God I want to like this more, and I like the potential that lives in the fucked-up circumstances that brought them together, but godfuckingdammit

-I find it amusing that, for Argo and Nastasha, even a cheek kiss is apparently too private to be shown onscreen

[probably-neurodivergent-idk]

It's 00:47 am as I'm beginning to write this typing and oh boy I'm gonna stay here a while cause I posted a comment on this

fucking thing

and it was too long and it didn't post and now I'm angry and I wanna vent but idk if it's gonna be ultimately sad or happy so uhhhh be ready for a ride if you wanna read this. tw suicide and sh!! I know it sounds sad but stay with me

so. me 2 years ago, fell in love with the appearance of a girl, as an aromantic. at this point I'm questioning wether FINALLY, AFTER ALL THIS FUCKING TIME. ahahah. no. she was just very fucking pretty. and, pulling the agreste, just a friend. except this one is for real just a friend. this isn't really important to the plot other than the fact that this was my last straw in my identity crisis and I just cried in my bedroom realising I'm aro ace. It's not so bad currently lowkey. I must have been a tiny bit dramatic.

Not the actual story: ALSO about 2 years ago, I was 1. really fucking suicidal and 2. getting into twitch streamers (mostly because I heard how the dsmp fans stayed alive, and basically was looking for life support in something different than minecraft because I don't really care for it. I think this was wayyy before clay and will were outed, not gonna go into detail with that one) . they're pretty fun, but the only aspect that I don't like is that they don't really seem like people, more like clowns that are only there to make people laugh. Which, cool I guess? obviously I respected their privacy and all that shit, but they didn't seem like humans.

fast forward like 4 months I think. I lost motivation to play my at the time favourite games, so I did what was only natural, searched for new ones. Oomf (streamer) was friends with this other friend, and they linked them to their twitch reccommended shit, like the "check this out while I'm offline!!!" page, and this person is live. They're playing overwatch??? wtf is that. oh. it's that game with the Mercy girl. OHHHH THE MERCY GIRL IS THE SAME FROM THE LIVING TOMBSTONE SONG. OH. MY. GOD. WDYM IT'S ALSO FROM THE SAVING THE LITTLE GIRL MEME??? I love this game. (I won't main mercy tho thats literally the embodiment of femininity and hell no I don't wanna go back there)

(this meme btw)

(actually now that I think about it it might be my favourite meme now. I love it.)

And so we became friends. They taught me shit about overwatch and I.. actually I think I was a horrible friend cause I didn't do anything in return, but ANYWAY. So yeah. friends. until one of their streams they feel different. this person begins randomly crying and talking about them harming themselves and suicide?? while live?? and I'm like holy shit wait this guy is lonely as fuck. I wanna help them. and I got their discord the same day and asked them if they were okay. Surprise!! They're not. They start venting to me regularly, and I just sit there and listen. It genuinely feels hopeless cause I can't help them in any way, but I don't tell them that because wtf are you thinking if you tell a suicidal person it's hopeless. But I did believe in them and I know theyre strong enough to push through, so THAT'S what I told them. Obviously they disagreed but what am I supposed to do, continue to tell them that everyday until they finally feel loved and appreciated by people in their lives? Oh wait.

At some point, I think the same day they had the Doom Stream, I know that they said "why would you care about me?? why would YOU, a COMPLETE FUCKING STRANGER?? care about ME?? a STUPID MISTAKE OF A STREAMER that you only started watching 2 AND A HALF MINUTES AGO" or whatever they said, something along those lines, and I (in the context where at the time I am cringing at my own emotions, blocking any shade of emotion feeling or opinion from my body and throwing them in a fucking black hole) say "I care!! because!! this whole fucking day I waited for you to stream so I can tell you I got dva!! and (insert other moments we had fun together in as friends and not viewer-streamer) and I love and appreciate you for who you really are!!! and I geniuenly want to cry in this moment!!" (I never cry) And they're like "woah.. I didn't know you thought of me like that. You actually appreciate me?? What?? Thats crazy". And that made me smile cause it calmed them down. Lesson learned: tell your friends to appreciate them regularly. You never know.

My vision of them has changed. This streamer is not like a clown for entertainment. This is actually a human, and a really good one too. Life was a fucking bitch for giving them a hard one, actually multiple hard ones. I'm atheist but if I was christian like in the bad ol' days I'm sure I would have became an atheist right now because no deity would watch what that person is going through and not find the empathy to help. You believe in whatever you want, I don't really care, but this is just my opinion.

I remember at some point we were playing overwatch, a round of 1v1 together, they're WAY better than me at the game so obviously I lost. I was mad at myself and was pulling my hair and was red in the face from anger and was angrily mumbling some bullshit that I don't even remember but suddenly this absolutely fucker just said "I love you" (we agreed that, since they're straight and I'm aro we can tell eachother "I love you" platonically) and I instantly cooled. Calm. I've never felt that way before. If you play overwatch, honestly it felt like a kiriko suzu. Cleansed. I stood there shocked because I OBVIOUSLY didn't expect them to just say it randomly after a lost game of mine, especially because THEY beat me. but hey, not complaining. it felt nice. I felt loved for who I truly am for the first time in my life.

fast forward to now,

They said that they wanted to commit suicide. Had a date planned and all. They didn't want to tell me what was wrong, and I didn't want to push them to tell me, but obviously there was something wrong. I was so stressed and cried for nights on end, but I didn't tell them that so they don't think they're a burden, I would have worsened everything.

The date passed.

THEY'RE ALIVE.

OH MY GOD.

THEY GAVE UP ON IT.

In the moment I realised they were really alive, the moment I heard their wonderful beyond words voice I was holding myself back from crying. Of course I couldn't cry on the fucking call!!!! That's cringe!!!!

At some point they said, although idk if still valid, that they would have been long gone if they didn't have our groupchat, which are people who regularly check on their stream. We're all pretty close to eachother, and I'm glad I have them more than I can begin to describe. I love them all.

The word "cringe" almost stopped me from telling my friend the words that saved his life. Never, I repeat, NEVER let the word "cringe" stop you from saying anything about your feelings!!!! Please!!!!!

Life lessons aside, theres this other thing that I wanna say. See how I have explicitly said that I am aro this WHOLE post?? Like, I'm "the literal embodiment of aromanticism", as they themselves said. copy and pasted it. well uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah im confused now

My whole life I have lived in an environment where my feelings were ignored and I wasn't allowed to have my own opinions unless they alligned to the people around me (hi mom) but, when I'm with them? I felt and feel like I can be myself with no consequences. I am free to be whoever and they will not laugh that I cringe whenever I compliment somebody or that my interests are childish or that I am genuinely just fucking crazy like I would go to hell just to take a selfie with satan type of crazy. They obviously find it funny, but it doesn't feel like bullying. It feels home. They're my home.

So. What's this??????? Like I can't fucking figure it out. Overall it doesn't really matter, because at the end of the day, it's night (I stole it from Da Vinkis im sorry) but I'm just really curious. It's a feeling I've never witness form in my tiny little brain. I hope I make sense because this certainly doesn't.

I genuinely would go till the ends of the world for this individual. This absolute son of a bitch grabbed a brush and painted on my expressionless face a smile, a tear, anything but numbness, the thing I felt my whole life. I don't remember how it felt anymore. I care what happens to me now. I do. I want to stay alive. I want to live. For them. Fuck suicide, I want to sit in the rain, make my parents mad, dye my hair magenta, draw 2 meter tall canvases with elves that secretly represent our groupchat, and most importantly? I wanna hear their voice. Yes, I am talking about the whole groupchat, but also just about Them at the same time. I like their voice. It makes me excided and calm at the same time. It makes my day.

Wether it's actually romantic love or not, it ultimately does not matter though. Why? cause 1. They won't like me back, they're straight and I'm enby, and they also think that I am the literal embodiment of aromanticism. so yeah. 2. I won't tell them no matter what cause what happens when they say they don't love me back? Yes, obviously I get hurt but more importantly, THEY get hurt because they'll feel bad, or even worse, it's gonna get awkward and we won't ever talk again!!! that would be the LAST wanted scenario I would ever want to experience right now.

And also, the only reason that keeps me from thinking it is, in fact, NOT platonic is because in the scenario that they will get a lover, I would be SO SO SO INCREDIBLY PROUD AND HAPPY FOR THEM AAAAAA. not a HINT of jealousy. Lucky fucking lover. They got the jackpot. I would hope they're happy forever and would actually give my life to make their relationship work, wether thats financial aid, advice, support, any skill that they need me to do and I am relatively good at, or even, in a hypothetical scenario, LITERALLY my life. When they find a lover, I only wish them the best.

So with all of that said

You know how I said I would describe myself to be the person that would go to hell to take a selfie with satan?

Here's my future plan, might sound a bit childish but I don't give a shit this is Tumblr I can say Whatever Whenever and any money making tips for making this happen are absolutely fucking welcome bring it on:

I want to get an apartment in another country. I have estimated prices of everything and I plan on preparing for the worst case scenario financially-wise, which is the equivalent of about $120 000, and thats a LOT for somebody who's planning to get this money by working part-time no-experience jobs for at least 2 years, which will only get me around 13k in the best scenario. Why would I need this kind of money? Ahahah. lets just say. from their pov, I wanted to move to America because I hate my country. and WOW!!! that apartment will """accidentally""" have EXACTLY 2 bedrooms. What a surprise!!!!! They want to get out of their family's house ASAP, but they don't know I'm actually fucking nuts and instantly said "alright bet" .

Ahaha now I'm begging they don't find this cause I can't possibly begin explaining to them wtf is going on through my mind right now. They're still very fucking suicidal even if they don't have a plan or a date, and I gotta be REALLY careful w this.

My last option would be, instead of BUYING an apartment, to RENT it instead, which would bring the monthly costs of said thing to about 4k a month, first month 5k, furniture for the bedrooms in the first month as well as groceries and a few treats in here and there included, but I REALLY don't wanna rent it cause 1. I will most DEFINETLY forget to pay it in time, 2. I will most DEFINITELY forget that it's not actually my room and will paint it however I want and WILL Fuck It Up 3. I will most DEFINITELY not find a job for whatever the fuck I wanna do there, so uhhhhh no more money = homeless and I guess I could live on the streets or even go back to my home country with the money that wasn't enough for a rent but enough for a ticket but I CAN'T JUST LET THEM BE HOMELESS BRUH I WOULD BE THE WORST FRIEND EVERRRRRR. and 4. it will probably cost more in the long run. thats a plan b, and a really bad one really.

I promised them I would see them in 2 years, and I was hoping that's when I'm gonna try to move in, but AHAHAH SILLY ME MONEY IS ACTUALLY A PROBLEM IN THIS ECONOMY and I don't wanna ask my parents for shit because they will most certainly scream at me. So. It's only gonna be a visit. I'm gonna have to look into the price of that one. I will probably have enough for a week trip, but idk about LIVING there with that kind of money. but it's okay. I'll finish a college, which will be THANKFULLY paid by my parents. (why would they fund my college but NOT my dream future? ahahah they have other plans for me they don't want me to leave the country but uhhhh I will anyway. dw I'll still keep contact. I love them.) I'll work full time while in college, will pull all nighters to do homework and sleep 4 hours a day and eat instant noodles and skip classes to work and wash my clothes, hair and forks in the sink and live with the worst roommate ever for the rest of my college life if I have to, but I WILL. I repeat I WILL. do it. May I be with myself cause god certainly won't be.

Clock check!! 03:38 am. oh!

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Honor in Crisis

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, NTT, Titans, JLI, Arrowfam, Flashfam, GL Corps, Infinity Inc

Summary: Every chapter will focus on one character specifically and then I'll update their statuses in order.

This is a no powers au/fix-it fic for Heroes in Crisis. I wanted to focus on the characters and their healing. I decided that'd be easier to put some of these characters in a fic like this and work on it more from a real-world perspective. I DO want to say that I do not believe healing is linear so don't plan on a clear-cut happy ending. I'd say (and idk for sure) we're gonna eventually get a bittersweet ending for certain characters but nothing tragic.

Chapters: 5/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Kole Weathers, Lilith Clay, Eddie Bloomberg, Michael Carter, Michelle Carter, Rani Carter, Charley Parker, Grant Emerson, Roy Harper, Grant Wilson, Joseph Wilson, Thaddeus Thawne, Bart Allen, Helen Claiborne, President Thawne, Todd Rice, Alan Scott (DCU), Damon Matthews

Relationship(s): Damon Matthews/Todd Rice

Additional Tags: No Powers AU, Canon Divergent AU, Fix-It Fic, Angst, TW // Suicide Attempt Mention

Chapter Five: Patterns (Charley Parker's POV)

Charley opened his journal and took a deep breath before jotting something down. His therapist didn't say anything and hadn't said anything for twenty minutes. Charley glanced up every few minutes to see if his therapist was irritated, but he wasn't. "You asked about my childhood last time," Charley mumbled without looking up. His therapist didn't say anything. He just made a soft noise. "I've been thinking about it a lot. The one thing I could come up with was something from when I was in first grade. It was raining the whole week, and I had a hole in my shoes. My teacher's husband worked in a shoe store, so one day, she kept me after recess... And she offered me these little blue rain boots. They had little sharks on them."

"Did you take them?" his therapist asked.

Charley looked up and shook his head. He didn't understand how his therapist could think he'd accept that gift. "No, I spit in her face," Charley replied, "She pitied me. I could see it on her face. It was disrespectful."

"Was there something else she could've done to make the gift acceptable?" his therapist asked. Charley scoffed dramatically and shook his head again, looking back at his journal. "So the gift was unacceptable because she made you feel pitied?"

"Yeah... And I mean, I shouldn't have spit in her face, but I-. She was making everything worse. Had I gone home in those boots, they would've tried to beat the crap out of me," Charley replied.

"How did she react?" he asked in reply.

"She wiped her face... And I thought she was gonna hit me, but she-. She hugged me," Charley answered.

"What did you feel when she did that?" his therapist questioned. Charley chewed his lip and looked back down at his lap.

"I knew I shouldn't have spit in her face... I knew it was wrong," Charley whispered. He looked back down at his journal and wrote something down. "You asked me what I felt, though... I felt guilty... Doc Morton?"

"Yes, Charles?" Dr. Morton asked.

Charley liked that Dr. Morton called him Charles. It sounded pleasant coming from him. It made him feel like Dr. Morton took him seriously. Coming from anyone else, it would've felt like an insult. "I don't know who to trust... So I don't trust anybody. I keep writing down stuff that I remember, and I go over it all the time... I keep trying to figure out the pattern for myself," Charley whispered.

"And what have you found?" Dr. Morton questioned.

"I'm violent. I didn't see myself as a violent person, but anytime someone tries to be kind to me, it ends badly for them," Charley whispered, "What do I do with that?"

"You did it," Dr. Morton replied. Charley didn't understand, so he stayed silent. He shook his head out of confusion. "You recognize that there's something wrong. You see a pattern. That makes it much easier to stop yourself before you repeat it. It doesn't mean that your work is done, but it does mean that you're moving forward."

Charley smiled. "Thanks, Doc," he whispered.

Dr. Morton nodded. Charley liked Dr. Morton. He'd been patient and straightforward through the whole process. The silence didn't anger Dr. Morton, and Charley felt free to pull his thoughts together in the silent moments. He was relieved that he'd gotten somewhere. "What feelings tend to come up when you come to these sessions with me, Charley?" Dr. Morton questioned. Charley didn't like that question. He screwed his face up and looked up at the ceiling.

"I feel like I'm messed up. Sometimes I think I'm doing so good, but then I come back and sit here like an idiot trying to figure out what to say," Charley replied, "I do everything I'm told. I do all this journaling, and I don't know if any of it is even important."

"Well, Charles, that's subjective. What feels relevant to you?" Dr. Morton questioned.

Charley looked down at his journal and flipped through the pages. "You asked me a few sessions ago if I ever tried to hurt myself... I know I said no, but my roommate told me there's no point in lying about that kind of stuff here as long as I don't wanna hurt myself now," Charley looked up, "Is that true, Doc?"

"Well, yes. You said you lied. Do you feel comfortable elaborating?" Dr. Morton asked. Charley shrugged. He didn't know if it would do any good, but he trusted Dr. Morton wouldn't ask if it was irrelevant.

"Yeah... Okay. I tried to kill myself once," Charley confessed casually, "I lied because I didn't want to end up worse off than I was when I got here. I didn't have anywhere to go, and it seemed the best thing to do." Charley tried to look as detached, but he couldn't look Dr. Morton in the eyes. It was still painful to talk about. He hadn't talked about it since it happened.

"What made you change your mind?" Dr. Morton asked.

"This guy pulled me over the railing by my shirt, and I thought he'd chew me out. Instead, he took me to Walmart's, and we sat out front, and I told him my life story. He was cool. Good to me, even... He got me a job as a janitor at the museum he worked at," Charley answered. He caught himself smiling.

"From the looks of it, it seems like you remember that instance with fondness—."

"Yeah, but I—. I fucked that up too. I got on my feet and moved to California. I loved it there... I made a ton of friends. Then, I got robbed and left for dead," Charley interrupted, "And I guess that's where my bio dad comes in. I don't remember a lot about that time. I just know he nursed me back to health. He told me about where I come from. Everything was great, but he left again. After that, I turned on anybody that ever did anything for me. I was pissed because I blamed the guy who saved my life for my dad leaving me again."

"Why did you blame him?" Dr. Morton questioned.

"Because he and his girl came from the same place my dad did. It's no coincidence—. It's not their fault he left, but I blamed them. I did a lot of shitty things to them because of it. I turned on them, and I never got to apologize," Charley whispered, "I just wanted my dad to want me."

"You felt rejected?" Dr. Morton asked. Charley shrugged.

"Yeah... I was literally rejected like three times. So, yeah," Charley replied, "Like... My parents gave me up when I was four, and then when I was eighteen, I got the boot from my fucking foster family, and finally, my dad comes back, and I'm thinking I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making up for lost time, and he just fucks off and gets killed." Charley realized he'd leaned in out of anger and collected himself. "Fuck, Doc Morton... I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Charles. I can tell that brings up a lot of emotions for you still... But I appreciate you sharing that with me," Dr. Morton commended him. Charley shook his head.

"But what's so important about my dad not wanting me?" Charley asked. At this point, he no longer cared about seeming hard. Tears streamed down his cheeks. "Who cares if kids used to beat the shit out of me? Or that I tried to jump off a bridge? Who cares?"

"Charles, all of those things are important. You're helping me piece together the puzzle of who you are, and in doing so, you're helping yourself. You even managed to point out one of your own patterns for yourself. This is just the beginning for you, but only you can make this work. I can't make therapy work for you," Dr. Morton replied.

Charley put his face in his hands and nodded. He didn't say anything else. The time was almost up anyways, and Charley didn't want to get into anything else. Besides, he wouldn't have shared half of what he shared with his priest. Charley was too embarrassed to say anything else. Dr. Morton wrote something down on a sticky note and placed it neatly at the bottom of a printed sheet of paper. At the session's close, he knocked on Dr. Morton's desk. "See you next week," Charley whispered.

"Have a good day, Charles," Dr. Morton smiled.

[tyrannuspitch]

okay okay aos asgard thoughts.

episode 8:

number one confusing thing to get out of the way - i knowww it's just reminding the audience of some exposition, but skye's comment in the opening scene seems to suggest that like... it isn't common knowledge... that asgardians are aliens? what else do people think they are??? like i know they know the chitauri are aliens. they know loki wasn't summoning ghosts or demons in new york. but they look at loki himself and they're like sure you can be a fundamental force of nature i guess? and you can still get beaten up by a guy on steroids??

ANYWAY. the berserker staff is an interesting artefact! it's a very self-destructive mechanism - i know they don't quite present it this way, but if you take it at all literally and accept that the added strength comes from the rage and adrenaline the staff causes... in real life, that additional strength comes from pushing past your limits, right? pushing through pain and mental blocks that are there for good reason? even asgardians have those, and even with asgardian healing, making a career out of getting those injuries is not going to be great for you. it's not as bad as the dark elves and the kursed, but it's getting up there. but 1000 years ago was a time of major changes for asgard - conquest of jotunheim, end of the valkyries... - so i wonder if asgard still has berserkers either. either way, it is very telling that the berserkers recruit from ordinary people, and not the nobility.

when randolph isn't being a creep, i like him. he's funny! he's kind of mean! it's refreshing to meet an ordinary asgardian! i also enjoy how (iirc) he conspicuously doesn't mention why he, an asgardian soldier, was sent to earth to begin with, and no-one asks him. how do they keep getting away with this!!!

i can't quite work out what's going on with the "paganist" group. (if there's even a reason for that -ist?) they seem to revere the inanimate powers of asgard, but hate asgardians themselves and fear that asgardians are trying to reassert power over humanity? which makes them like... the very rough pagan equivalent of satanists? "we recognise these gods, but we don't see their power as legitimate." which is an interesting angle to take for social fallout of loki's shenanigans... but still, it does feel a bit status-quoy, somehow. personally i would be more concerned about the standard asatru groups who think they're the gods' favourites etc etc. asgardian power IS sinister. if we were in a thor movie we wld understand this.

episode 15:

sif's characterisation is interesting! this is the most screentime she's had in anything (it might actually add up to more than all her other screentime) but she spends all of it in mission/crisis mode, so it's a very particular side of her. an interesting mix of formal, grave, blunt and dramatic. there's definitely an edge of warrior entitlement to it, but also, like... she clearly isn't nearly as comfortable in that entitlement as, say, thor. even when thor was in evil-dead-brother crisis in the avengers, he didn't read as stiff in the way sif does here. potentially because she isn't familiar with midgard, and/or doesn't want/enjoy mortals' attention? or just because sif has had to fight for status (esp military status) in a way thor has not, so she holds onto it a little too tight...

i'm not sure how i feel about lorelei. i suppose it makes sense for her to want an army if she wants to stay free when asgard are looking for her, so motive isn't a huge concern, but still... as it stands, she doesn't really interest me as a character. but i will say that her prison sounds pretty nightmarish. odin is good at that.

also quite funny to think that shield was in fact unknowingly working with loki at this point. top five things for thor to never ever tell them <3

[whenispeakicrossmyfingers]

love the trend/realization of looking feminine the way men look feminine, but here’s the thing: i wanna look feminine the way queer women look feminine and I wanna look masculine the way queer men look masculine. 

[iguessigotta]

Ooo wait, so we have kitty cat Dark but what about puppy Dark? I can imagine him being a suck up 🐶

hey! thank you for the ask! I'm so happy people like my Cat!Dark 🥺 ok this has been floating around in my head all day today, let's see if I can make something coherent lmao

so you know how most dogs are really excitable and LOVE people, but some dogs pick like 1 or 2 people and no one else is allowed near them without threat of bodily harm? guess which group Dark fits in

you are, obviously, his person. no one will harm or upset his person if he has a say in it. not to be dramatic but he'd die for you. or kill someone. please don't let him. he'll fuckin do it

(Wilford is, again, included in the group of people Dark approves of. though with the two of them, it's less protective and caring vibes, and more feral and.......have you ever seen 2 just....really dumb dogs....just going apeshit. running around, barking and growling and snarling, claws and teeth everywhere, looking like they're gonna kill each other, but they're just goofing around. havin a good time. playin with their pal. it's rare, but these two are sometimes like that. it's likely because they're the only people they can let loose with without fear of actually hurting each other. if you're lucky you might get to actually witness Dark and Wilford goofing off once or twice - quite the feat given how careful these two are about when/where they throw down. Dark has a reputation as an irritable, no-fun-allowed kind of guy to uphold, you know)

Dark has been known to growl occasionally. but not always angrily. he does it in the same way Rottweilers will growl or make happy grumbling sounds

he doesn't always realize he's doing it. usually it'll happen when the two of you are spending some quiet time together, curled up on the couch or relaxing in bed. it starts as a contented sigh that turns into a deep rumbling as his arms subtly tighten around you

Dark will also growl when he's upset or in pain. if you listen closely the next time he gets into an argument with someone, you'll hear that familiar rumbling coming from him

he almost never realizes he's doing it, which is....it's really fucking cute.........please don't tease him about it

he seems to have like a sixth sense for you and your emotional state. like he can feel your moods in the air, no matter how hard you've worked to hide it. feeling down/angry? he won't call you out or confront you about it (unless you're in crisis obviously) but he will do a few small things to help improve your mood

small things like: gifts! sharing his favorite stuff with you! food!

you're not sure how he does it, but Dark always seems to have food on hand right when you're hungry enough to complain. is he able to sense it? or does he just walk around with snacks in his pockets, just in case?

having a rough day, and you're on the brink of tears when you get home? when he greets you with his normal "welcome home" hug, he'll hang on a little tighter, a little longer. later, when you're sitting on the couch, decompressing with a favorite movie/show, Dark just might come up behind you and drape one of his jackets or sweatshirts or his favorite blanket over your shoulders, smiling softly as you sigh and lean into his hands. speaking of leaning....

leaning on people. large dogs especially tend to lean on people (i've never understood why they do it, but it's real cute) and Dark is no exception. he doesn't just walk up and drop his full weight on you though, he's more subtle than that

if the two of you are standing next to each other for whatever reason, expect him to slowly lean into you, until you're practically glued together. shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, he usually won't put his arm around you when doing this, because it's meant to be a covert way for him to show affection. no one can tease him about being soft if no one ever sees it. big brain moves

[alexjcrowley]

Tag yourself "Ancient Rome main characters but it's just very violent personal attacks" - Augustus's principate edition:

Gaius Julius Caesar "Augustus"

if you're honestly thinking to tag yourself as him what the fuck is your problem, your self-esteem is sky rocketing, you shouldn't be on Tumblr, you should be on Tik Tok

you take the lead in group projects and do 90% of the work because you think you're the only one who can it right

everybody better treat you like royalty otherwise bold of them to presume you'd let bitches talk mad shit about you

frail health though, stay safe baby

favourite quote "I was born for politics. I have great hair, and I love lying"

calm down I'm sure you'll get that college admission letter, no need to be dramatic and start threatening you'll kill yourself if you don't get in

Marcus Antonius

burnout gifted kid

like honestly you had your whole life planned and then oopsie everything comes crashing down

aw, you want daddy's approval? Don't we all?

you're like an only child, or the eldest child. Then some bitches came along and you were forced to share.

If that's not a mummy sorry mummy sorry mummy sorry you ain't hitting that (or daddy ;))

you love giving pep talk, reminds you of the time people used to look up to you

Gaius Cilnius Maecenas

light academia, dark academia, chaotic academia, the point is: academia

your friends are the most interesting thing about you

you surrounded yourself with artists and creative types, such a shame you aren't one of them

you're that person who'd shout "THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND" when your friend does something incredibile, but nobody will ever do that for you

so how's life standing on the sidelines?

at least you're not bitter about it (or you're very good at hiding it, let's be honest)

supportive bestie

wasn't kidding about great taste in friends, your friendships are very elite and everybody wished they were in your inner circle, make 'em wish, darlin

Publius Vergilius Maro (Vergil)

COUNTRY ROOOOOOOOADS, TAKE ME HOOOOOOOOOME

cottagecore

as a society WE NEED to retreat to the country and go back to peak of human civilization: farming

you're cooler in theory than in practice

massive introvert

you just want a cottage and some books and maybe some plants and a pet and free time, is that too much to ask?

Yes, because that shit's a fever dream, you wouldn't last a day in a real farm, get your head out of your ass

Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)

you think you're funny. You're the only one to think that.

self deprecative humour for the win

your superpower is infodumping. Sure, everybody does it once in a while- but they way you do it. Wow.

you're a tiny gay, a petite homosexual, if you will

wittiness is one of the many qualities you believe to possess

how are you handling those five mental breakdowns a day?

Guess what, clean air, drinking water and reading outside won't cure your identity crisis

Publius Ovidius Naso (Ovid)

you listen to doja cat unironically. And no, I don't mean "I like her beat", I mean you listen to the lyrics of doja cat unironically.

you're a slut, but, if you're reading this, it mean you're on Tumblr, so probably you're more of a theoritical slut

gossip girl xoxo

when people come to ask you for dating advice you feel like an old french prostitute recalling the glorious days of your youth

you think you're incredibly more interesting than you actually are

like, face it, if you were that great people wouldn't leave you on read

God it's like two weeks in the country at you grandparents's house there's no need to start complaining to all your friends you're in "exile", the wi-fi isn't even that bad, you're just a drama queen

you once dreamed of living in London or New York or Paris, don't lie to me

I hope people are actually know what I'm referencing in this or some things might sound very weird or mean out of nowhere (they're instead mean for a reason)

[kitkatpancakestack]

For @arrenemris, who requested Eddie picking bedclothes. Have some established buddie feels, on the house. Also, this morphed from Target shenanigans into an angst fest, so, apologies.

X

“Eddie, I think you just . . . I think you just gotta pick one.”

“Quiet, Buck.”

“The red-shirted authorities are starting to look at us weird. I don’t think anybody has ever returned bed sheets this many times.”

Eddie’s face contorts as he shoots Buck a withering look. “I think you're being dramatic.”

“Trust me. I'm not.” He shoves his hands in his jeans pockets, rocking back on his heels. Truthfully, Target only has so many bed sheets to choose from, and this being the third Target they’ve tried in the greater Los Angeles area, Buck is starting to worry about Eddie’s mental health.

He nudges his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Hey. This isn’t like . . . a midlife crisis, is it?”

Eddie slides a mauve-colored cube wrapped in plastic packaging off the shelf. “Say again?”

“You know, midlife crisis. Like, you’re projecting your panic onto bed sheets.”

He puts the mauve comforter back and chooses a burgundy one instead. “No way. If I was having a midlife crisis, I’d do something cool. Like drag racing.”

“Drag racing?”

“Yeah. Which one do you like better?”

Buck switches his gaze between the mauve and the burgundy, and honestly, after hours and days and a sea of red and endless unworthy bed sheets, they all look the fucking same to him. “I don’t know, Ed, whichever one you want.”

“Okay, but I’m asking you.”

“Fine. Mauve.”

And as predictably as always, a sound of dissent gurgles up Eddie’s throat. “But the burgundy—”

“Yes, Eddie, fine. The burgundy is perfect. Can we just get it and go? You promised me dinner an hour ago.”

He winces as soon as the words leave his mouth, nowhere near the calm demeanor he’s been fighting to portray. But it had been over two months since he and Eddie had officially gotten together, and Eddie has them stuck in this weird dance of getting closer to the bedroom, Buck fully intent on staying the night, only for Eddie to abruptly freeze him out. And he's not bothered by it, not really, but his anxieties slip over his body like a second skin and he just . . .

Well, Buck is starting to wonder if Eddie’s having doubts about it all. About them.

Buck waits for Eddie’s reply, but the other man just hesitates, eyes boring holes through the blanket in his hand. Buck sighs and mumbles something about waiting in the car, and promptly makes his escape from Target.

He’s on his way to dozing off when the driver’s side of Eddie’s truck opens and shuts, and hears the sound of keys jingling. He pops one eye open and angles his head to watch Eddie sitting stiffly in his seat, jaw set.

Buck waits for Eddie to say something, but he doesn’t, just puts the car in drive and pulls out of the parking lot.

The evening was supposed to be easy. Things between them were always easy, and they were always on the same wavelength, but tonight, Eddie has never felt further out of Buck’s reach.

Christopher is away at a summer camp, so there’s no eleven-year-old buffer to ease the tension. They set the box of pizza at the table and eat in silence. After one slice, Eddie disappears down the hallway toward the bedroom. Buck’s stomach drops, and a keening buzz erupts at the base of his skull, dripping unease through his veins.

He wipes his hands on his pants, chugs the rest of his beer, and trails Eddie to the bedroom. His boyfriend is staring at his stripped mattress, the new unopened comforter in his grip. Buck clears his throat, hating the way his hands shake. He thinks if he tries to be real, he might completely break apart, so he opts for, “We’re not about to break up over bed sheets, are we?”

Eddie’s neck snaps up, eyes wide in horror. “What?”

“Um . . . it’s just . . .” he sticks his hands in his pockets, folds them over his chest, scratches at his hair. Jesus. They need to just talk. They’ve always been able to talk. He crosses the room and lowers onto the bare mattress. “Do you still want . . . this? Like . . . us. Together.”

“Yeah, Buck.” The answer is instant, without hesitation, and it washes through Buck’s body like a fever. “What’s this about?”

Eddie’s hands are clenched into fists. Buck reaches for the one nearest him, presses the pads of his fingers into Eddie’s knuckles insistently until he unfurls. “We’ve been dating for almost three months, and I’ve never slept over.” He hears how the words sound seconds later and is quick to add, “Not that I want to pressure you or anything! You know I’m fine taking this slow, and literally just sleeping together, and nothing else, but I’d like to share this bed with you, and we’re usually on the same page so I thought you felt the same, and oh, God, Eddie please say something before I ruin this forever.”

Eddie just stares at him, a smile softening the corners of his lips. He drops the new comforter to the floor and sits on the mattress, drawing Buck’s hand into his lap. He traces the lines of Buck’s palm with his finger. ��First of all,” he murmurs, “there’s nothing you could do to ruin this. Literally impossible.”

“Well. I don’t know about that.”

“Second of all,” Eddie continues, plowing through Buck’s insecurities, “this is more a me problem.”

Buck interlocks their fingers, rubs his thumb over the back of Eddie’s hand. “You have quite the . . . process, when it comes to this decorating schtick. But you always know what you want and you make it happen. Why is this so hard for you?”

Eddie is silent. Buck can visualize the internal boxing match going on in his head, trying to figure out what to say, how much to say, in what way to say it. Buck waits, patient. He finds he has infinite patience when it comes to Eddie. “It’s important.”

Buck frowns. “It’s just your bedroom.”

“No.” He shakes his head, looking around. “It’s ours, now. It’s ours. And I just . . . I look around this place, and it feels lonely. It feels painful. I want it to be different. I’m not this man anymore,” he finishes, gesturing to the generally impersonal atmosphere of his bedroom.

“It’s important to me that this is your space, too,” he continues. “I want you to wake up in this room and feel safe and warm. Like you belong.”

“Oh, Eddie.” Buck drops his head onto Eddie’s shoulder, nuzzling his nose into the junction where jaw meets neck. “I don’t care about all that. I mean, you care, so I care, but everything else . . . it’s just background noise, Ed. Waking up and hearing you breathe, looking into your eyes, feeling you beside me . . . that’s all I need. That’s what makes me feel safe and warm. Not bed sheets.”

Eddie laughs. “I should have known. You’re such a sap.”

“Shut up. I’m a low-maintenance sap. You got lucky.”

“Right.” his hand wraps around Buck’s thigh, giving it a gentle and reaffirming squeeze. He says, softly, almost a whisper, “Thank you, Buck.”

“Hey, I got your back.” He kisses his throat and smiles against the skin. “Now that we’re not breaking up, I think we should revisit our burgundy vs. mauve bed sheets debate.”

Eddie groans.

[gyucore]

long live the king

pairing: mage!hueningkai x noble!reader

tags: fluff, royalty au, friends to lovers, hueningkai can do magic

word count: 3.3k

prompts:

011: "May I have this dance?"

019: "I don't think anyone could ever be as lovely as you."

020: "You look incredible in that."

Tonight had been advertised as the night to end all nights— a masquerade ball held by the king at the palace, and a brightly lit ballroom decorated with gold and the continent's finest silk, adorning the kingdom's rose insignia. Entertainers and musicians positioned around the vicinity to perform their best acts and tunes, and the gates were left wide open to welcome everyone who wanted to join in, given that they tried their best to dress for the occasion.

Today was an event open to all the kingdom's citizens, from high seated nobles to common men by the streets, everyone was welcome to participate in the king's annual ball. However, that fact didn't matter for a family such as yours. Your father was the Marquess, which meant that you were invited to every single ball or gathering held by the nobility for the nobility. At least, that was how it had been until the incident.

The peering eyes of both the nobles and commoners alike have left you frozen on your spot by the pillar. Your bright red ball gown, although beautiful, was not helping you hide away from the eyes of the crowd. It was evident they were all thinking the same thing.

The unfortunate daughter of a fallen marquess.

News had gotten out about your family's crisis and had spread to the public like a disease. The Grand Marquess losing money, property, and power: The fall of a great noble. The story made headlines for weeks on end— rumors mixing in with the truth, and eventually, everyone had drawn the same conclusion. Pitiful.

You worry about your parents at the other end of the room, doing their best to mingle with the other nobles. The heavy atmosphere was weighing down on your chest.

Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you try to think of the things that calmed you down: the rustic smell of old books at the public library, the warm feeling you'd get when the rays of sunlight touch your skin as you sit by the window with your face buried deep into your favorite classic, the bright smile the common mage boy would give you everytime you crossed paths—

"Wow."

A familiar voice brings you back from your thoughts.

"You look incredible in that." The same bright smile you'd envisioned earlier now stood in front of you.

You gaze in awe at the man before you, dressed in what you could only describe as the most beautiful and elegant ensemble you'd seen tonight. The way the white suit hugged his waist left little room for the imagination. You doubt even the king himself could top this off.

"Lady Y/N. I believe fate must have brought us together in this fine evening." The man gently bends down, taking your hand and planting a kiss so fleeting that you barely felt it. Even with the golden mask on, you could easily tell who it was.

"Kai.."

"Ah, and here I was hoping I'd be a little more mysterious tonight." Kai holds back his laughter as he gazed upon you once more. You can't help but do the same.

Tonight, he looked nothing of a common mage but that of a king himself. If you hadn't known him beforehand, you would've mistaken him as so, especially with tonight's main event— the reveal of the king's successor. But alas, what the mage boy had going on for him was merely for appearances. A commoner like him could never be king in a world where even dreaming of becoming one was considered to be of highest absurdity.

"I thought you said you weren't attending?"

Kai shrugs, folding his hands behind his back. "And refuse my lady when you so graciously asked me out?"

His response catches you off guard. "I don't recall ever asking you anything of that sort."

"You asked if I'd attend."

"And that counts as asking you out?"

Kai chuckles. "When you asked me with such a cute look on your face, it was difficult to think you weren't looking forward to me being here."

And he was right. Given your circumstances, Kai being here with you was like a breath of fresh air. You'd been praying all night that he'd magically arrive to help you take your mind off of things, and you felt like crying out in joy when he actually did.

Kai looks around, seemingly getting a sense of the pressure you were in. "Shall we take a stroll around the garden, my lady?"

You follow his line of sight and spot the royal garden just outside the window. "I'll let you accompany me if you drop the whole my lady business."

Kai purses his lips as he takes your hand in his. "Can't you let me be fancy for one night?"

Every moment you'd spent with Kai up until this point had been the highlight of your days. As the daughter of the Marquess, you'd spent most of your time holed up inside your manor. Women barely got any education aside from the usual classes on manners and societal etiquette, and that included nobles as well. But that never stopped you. Once a week, when the guards changed shifts by the gate, and the maids and butlers were all busy with the weekly general cleaning, you'd take the opportunity to slip out in disguise, undetected by anyone. The main goal was to get to the public library and obtain access to educational material— ones that didn't involve any prim and proper rubbish that you've read over a thousand times.

The first time outside was rather difficult. You barely managed to get inside the library's more educational section while passing as a man. However, every succeeding attempt became easier and easier until coming out in secret and gaining access didn't seem like that much of a hassle anymore.

At the library, you were free to read any book you want, and used this opportunity to brush up on some business and economics as well as some of the basic sciences. You spent the first few months stocking up on knowledge until you felt it fine to relax a little and start reading novels to pass the time without the help of a disguise.

There was a section in the library that you hadn't checked; one that you'd deemed unnecessary as it only contained children's literature. It wasn't until you'd heard the sound of a man's voice followed by children's laughter that you felt compelled enough to take a peek.

"And then, the dragon swooped down onto the village and attacked the innocent villagers! ROARRR. Breathing fire as hot as, well, uh— FIRE!"

You slipped up and giggled at the young man's amusing narration, piping down a bit after realizing that he had noticed you from behind the shelves, throwing a knowing smirk your way.

It was then that he pulled down his cloak. Wavy brown locks gracefully reaching the back of his neck, bright eyes that could make any person let their guard down— he looked around your age which made you feel more at ease.

The young man steps back, dramatically breathing fire out of his mouth as the children cheered. Some were yelling at him to continue until only smoke came out, and you swore you heard one of them ask if he could make the fire turn green. Ridiculous, you think. But you were no different from these children, only being able to stand there in awe at the young man's trick. Perhaps turning the fire green wasn't such a terrible idea.

You've heard of mages among the commoners before, and had met a few that visited your manor but this was the first time you'd seen one in action. The flames that came out of his mouth looked awfully hot but the young man didn't even blink or showed any signs of pain.

He stops the fire and clears his throat, now kneeling down to face the children. "The villagers were worried sick! What would happen to their crops, their produce, their livelihood? If only a hero would come along and save them!" He makes an overly exaggerated wail before gasping.

"Well, who do we have here? A warrior has come to save the villagers!" The young man points at your direction and you feel your blood run cold as all the children in the room had turned their attention towards you, hopeful.

"A young maiden has arrived to slay the evil dragon!"

You quickly shake your head at his statement, holding your arms out in a cross. "No, kids. Don't believe what this man says. I am not a warrior, and I'm certainly not here to slay any dragons"

The young man raises a brow, getting up from his spot. "Then why do you have the magical sword that was forged to slay the mighty dragon?"

"What sword?"

The young man snaps his fingers. "That sword."

The weight on your hips dip on one side and you couldn't believe your eyes as a sheathed sword had magically manifested beside your waist out of thin air. "How did you— wait, is this a real sword?! You can't play around with real swords in front of children!"

The children turn towards the young man in confusion.

"Well, kids. Do you want the kind lady to slay the dragon with a real sword?"

"YES!" The children cheered.

The young man turns to you with a smile. "You gotta give the kids what they want, Miss."

An exasperated expression makes its way to your face. "I am not slaying any made up dragons!"

"Now, what's all this talk about slaying dragons?"

Taehyun, one of the stricter librarians, had come out of nowhere, surprising everyone. His eyes scan the room and quickly notices three things: (1) the dangerous sword hanging on your waist, (2) the excessive amount of children in the room when the sign on the way in definitely mentioned a capacity of only five, and (3) someone let the mage boy inside the library again. The culprit was evident.

"Jung Kai, I swear to the heavens I will—"

"Alright kids, time to go! We'll end the story next time!" The young man, Kai, rushes the disappointed children out of the section before they heard something they shouldn't.

You were about to walk away yourself but was quickly stopped by Taehyun's hand blocking your path. "Kai, didn't I tell you that you're not allowed to perform magic inside the library? And seriously," He confiscates the sword on your waist, holding it up in the air. "Violence?"

Kai looks at you and grins. "I suppose we could've gone with a more romantic ending. Something like the warrior's kiss saving the dragon from his curse, and he turns back into this super handsome, super cute, and super macho mage."

The way he shamelessly described himself left you speechless, and you steal a glance at the librarian who looked as equally disgusted as you are.

"Just clean up the mess before you leave. And that means you too, Miss Dragon Slayer."

"But I didn't even—" You cut yourself off after Taehyun dismisses himself from the room.

The section falls silent and Kai walks up to you, a smile ever present in his face. "I'm guessing this is the start of our new friendship?"

And that was what started it all. Everytime you'd visit the library after that, you seemed to bump into Kai more often than you liked. He saw through the disguise the first time he saw you wearing it and had promised to not utter a single word to anyone. The mage boy was much more reliable than he seemed to be, often helping you in your studies and teaching you more than the books ever could. Sometimes, he'd convince you to take a stroll around town and had shown you sights and wonders you wouldn't have expected to see inside the kingdom.

Before you knew it, Kai had become someone you'd cherished, and someone whose company you genuinely appreciated. He was patient and understanding as your makeshift mentor, and was this fun and outgoing guy whenever you two were out together. Kai became the first friend you'd made on your own regardless of status and the only friend you wished to keep by your side.

"I take it that the people in the ballroom were too much?" Kai speaks the moment arrived at the garden.

"Please. I couldn't even breathe in there." You play it off with a chuckle but thoughts of worry still plague your mind. "I'm guessing you probably know by now."

"About what? The fact that you're the daughter of the Marquess or that the Marquess has been in a crisis for a while?"

"Both."

Kai reaches for your hand, holding it reassuringly. "I've known for a while but that doesn't change anything now, does it? We became friends without the burden of our status, and we'll stay as friends regardless."

You hated this, hated how he always knew exactly what to say. The heat rushes up to your face and you squeeze his hand tighter, avoiding eye contact. "Thank you."

But truthfully, there was a little voice in Kai's head that wished you could be something more. Not after you'd shared those intimate moments alone at the library at dusk, not after he rushed in to catch you in his arms when you fell while shelving a book on the top shelves, and especially not after you almost shared a kiss after saying goodbye that night he'd helped you sneak back in.

Even now, as he lovingly gazed at your silhouette beneath the moonlight, he'd hoped that he'd have the chance to tell you how he felt. But then again, the chance could be right now at this very moment. The two of you were, afterall, at the king's ball.

"So, how were the gentlemen earlier?"

"What?" You raise your head to face Kai.

"I've no doubt that hundreds of people had been lining up to dance with you all evening." Kai grins as he gently lets go of your hand.

"Please, I haven't danced at all tonight."

"I find that quite hard to believe."

You sigh, recalling the events from earlier. "No one would want to be seen dancing with a fallen Marquess' daughter now would they?"

"Not when you look this beautiful?" Kai jokingly walks around you and you shy away from his gaze.

"You know I never say things I don't mean, Y/N." Kai bends down and holds your hands in his. "And believe me, I don't think anyone could ever be as lovely as you."

"Is flattery your main personality trait now?" You say as an attempt to not let his compliment affect you any further than it should but fail miserably so.

Kai stands before you with an unreadable expression. You'd argue this was the most serious look he's ever had since you'd met him.

"Care to dance?" Kai asks, leaning in closer, your faces merely inches apart. You feel your heart beating loudly in your chest, and you're almost afraid he might hear.

The moonlight casts a shadow on Kai's face, and despite the darkness, his eyes glistened, reflecting your own as you stared into his. You've never seen anyone look so beautiful. And here he was, telling you that you're the loveliest person he's ever known.

"Right now?"

Kai nods, taking off his mask and tossing it over to the side. "And I'd like it if we could dance without our masks too. I've been wanting to get a good look at your face all night."

You chuckle, removing your mask and tossing it to to the ground next to his. "And how do you suppose we dance without music? My reputation's already dirt at this point and I do not want to be branded as the crazy noble dancing at the royal garden in complete silence."

Kai fails to suppress his laughter, holding on to your shoulder to maintain himself upright. "Well, I wouldn't want to let my dear lady look crazy now would I?"

"And what are you planning to do?"

"Well, I am a mage." Kai smirks as he manifests a scepter out of thin air, leaving a trail of golden dust flurrying down.

This was the first time you've ever seen it in person. Kai had mentioned how he needed the aid of his scepter to perform high level magic, but he'd never taken it out in front of you until now. One look at the scepter and anyone could tell not just any old mage owned the darn thing. It looked majestic by all means, intricately decorated with gold and topped off with a brightly colored red gemstone you couldn't seem to identify. You'd heard that mages often created their own unique gemstones as a manifestation of their mana but for Kai's to be red, which had been said to be a quite powerful variant, made you wonder just how powerful your friend had been.

"And here we go." Kai takes the scepter in his hand and drives it into the ground. The impact causes a wave of light to burst from the scepter and spread throughout the reaches of garden. In a split-second, the wave of light rushes back into its source, compressing into a huge orb of light lifting up into the sky, rivaling the moon with its glow. The orb splits into smaller pieces and starts to dance around the garden, leaving you in awe at the spectacle.

Kai finds himself grinning from ear to ear at your reaction. He'd studied magic as an expression of rebellion against his father but now, he'd found another purpose to perform these little tricks of his. He places his hand on your waist and pulls you closer. "Wait for it."

The orbs of light find their places around you, slowly taking the shape of various instruments you've seen inside the ballroom, from strings to percussions, and even wind instruments. Smaller pieces of light continued to hover the surroundings, resembling glowing fireflies in the dark.

"Kai, this is beautiful." You look up at the young man, and he steps away, bowing his head as he plants yet another kiss on the back of your hand.

"May I have this dance?"

His eyes meet yours and you feel your heart skip a beat. It was rather difficult to explain. The Kai in front of you right now had been the same Kai you've always known, but somehow.. different.

You raise your hand for him to take, guiding your other hand to find perch on his shoulder, and his finding its place on your waist. With the first step, the instruments started playing. It's a piece you've heard before, one that Kai had fondly hummed nearly everytime you were together at the library.

It was as if the world had faded into the distance, and at this moment, there was only you and him, dancing alone in the garden. He pulls you close, his hold gentle and warm. Kai spins you around. The heel of your shoe collides with a rock, and you nearly stumble back until Kai manages to grab you by the waist on time, pulling you back into his arms.

You spot the smirk on his face under the moonlight, and you press a finger against his lips. "Not one word."

"I wasn't going to say anything." Kai lets you go, and you quickly grab a hold of his arms to find balance.

"Of course you weren't."

"Well, I do have something I have to tell you. A few things, actually."

You cock a brow at him, and he steps forward. "I'll tell you the most important part first."

"And that is?"

Kai reaches out to cup your cheeks, gazing into your eyes as if asking permission. You didn't need to say anything for him to understand, and he closes the gap between you, pressing his lips against yours. The feeling was foreign but certainly welcome, and you soon close your eyes and reciprocate, wanting to feel more of his soft lips, and wanting to hold him closer and closer.

For long had you held out on this, on actually acknowledging your growing feelings for the lad in fear of having to live with the thought of him not feeling the same. But in this moment, you felt a heavy burden being lifted from your shoulders.

"Kai, I.."

The light from the orbs dim down and soon dissipates. Kai pulls away, gazing upon your flushed face. "You mean the world to me, Y/N. I don't think my life would ever be the same without you."

The trumpets blare in the ballroom, a signal that the new king was to make an appearance soon. You feel Kai's hand around yours. "As for my other confession, I think it's best we head back first."

He leads you back into the ballroom, and disappears the moment you find your parents in the crowd. You join them in the center as everyone gathers to get a glimpse at the new king.

The herald makes his way beside the grand staircase, straightening himself up to make the announcement that every citizen had been waiting to hear all evening.

"Presenting the next in line to the throne, to rule the vast lands of our esteemed nation, and lead us into a continuing era of prosperity! Our future King, His Royal Highness, Kai Kamal Huening!"

The doors open, revealing Kai, your Kai, adorned in the royal family's crest, robes, and jewelries as he made himself known to his loyal subjects.

Behind him was public librarian, Kang Taehyun, who had been revealed to be serving as one oc the King's advisors, and now, for the new monarch.

"Long live the King!"

Kai could pick out your from the crowd in a heartbeat, hos gaze meeting yours as he flashes you his signature smile. You couldn't believe what was happening— Kai, your best friend in the whole world, had just confessed his love to you. And now, that same Kai had revealed to you and to the public that he had been the future ruler of the country all along. The crowds cheered.

"Long live the King!"

"Long live the King." You whisper to yourself, wondering what the future has in store for you.

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

Forever & Always: Stage 1 - Denial | Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Witch!Reader; Platonic Avengers x Reader

Words: A little less than 2.2k words

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Grief (Loss of Parent), Depression, Anxiety, Angst, & Fluff (more to be added) If you see something that I missed don't be afraid to tell me.

Synopsis: Y/N “Birdy” (nicknamed by her family), comes from a long line of witches and warlocks, living her days at the New Avengers Compound, alongside her friends. The Avengers are part of her family and her family is always welcome to the compound. Things for once seemed to be going well now that all was right from the attack on Thanos, everyone was alive, all was forgiven, friendships were thriving, that all ended when Birdy’s brother came calling with sad news, their mother had suddenly passed. These are the stages of grief Birdy faces, through the loss of her best friend, her protector, her mother.

Info: The Sebastian edit in the moodboard is done by @nix-akimbo and the dividers are done by @firefly-graphics. A big thank you too @sllooney for beta editing this, all mistakes are mine. I've had this finished for over a week I just hadn't had the heart to post, but I had my laptop out so here it is! I do not give permission for this to be translated or to be posted on other sites without my written permission.

Forever & Always Masterlist | My Masterlist

Baby wails rang through the kitchen as Birdy sat on the floor with her back against the cabinet. She felt exhausted as she tried to calm her speeding heart, her husband was gone on a mission, and she has been left to take care of the 6 month old twins on her own.

Lyra and Grant had been crying since they had woken up this morning at the crack of dawn and it was now noon. Birdy had tried feeding them, rocking them, tummy time, nothing was working. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

Getting up from the floor after making sure the twins were still safe in their playpen in the corner, they both just looked at her red faced, breaking her heart. Birdy made her way to the chalkboard picking up a piece of chalk, writing; Mama HELP! I need you please, I’m having a crisis and I don’t know what to do.

Dramatic? Yes. Effective? Apparently so, because the words 'on my way' appeared immediately under her message. Letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding, Birdy grabbed the pitcher of Orange Blood tea out of the fridge and the shortbread cookies from the jar where she had been hiding them from her husband.

The back door to the kitchen opened and the older Lyra walked in, met by the sounds of her grandbabies wailing their little hearts out. Birdy’s mother looked at her with a soft smile, taking in her daughter's exhausted frame. Her hair was pulled off her face in a ponytail, oversized yoga pants hung loosely on her hips, with a tank and cardigan to match. Birdy looked just about done, but still so beautiful in her mother’s eyes.

“My little Birdy, sit down, I got this.” The mother moved behind her daughter and gently steered her to the breakfast nook, while she went in the direction of the playpen.

“Oh my little cherubs, what seems to be the matter?” Speaking to the babies in a soft voice, the grandmother grabbed Grant and brought him over to his mother, who quickly cradled the bundle of joy in her arms, while she returned for her namesake, cradling her closely, shushing her softly. It didn’t do much but as Lyra sat at the breakfast nook across from her daughter she began to rock the baby in her arms, Birdy copying her mother’s actions, brushing her finger down Grant’s sweet button nose.

“Let’s see… your belly's full, you are clean, warm, nothing seems to be off, I think your Mumma has just forgotten the most important thing, a lullaby!” Birdy looked at her mother with wide eyes, while she simply just smiled at her. “When you were a baby you could be quite fussy as well and the only way to get you to settle down was for me to sing a little lullaby. So I think what these two need is a little diddy and they’ll be right as rain.” Birdy’s mother began to hum one of the ever so familiar songs from her childhood. A song to ease her worries as her mother held her.

“I'm rocking you to sleep, the water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart. You'll always be a part of me.” both babies had stopped crying and were now yawning, holding onto the fingers of the women holding them.

“Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to dream. And dream how wonderful your life will be. Someday your child may cry and if you sing this lullaby, then in your heart, there will always be a part of me.” Little Lyra had drifted off into slumberland, while Grant had gone quiet, his eyes fighting hard to stay open but as Birdy continued to brush her pointer finger down his nose, it was becoming a losing battle.

“Someday we'll all be gone, but lullabies go on and on. They never die, that’s how you and I will be.” Both babies asleep, Birdy looked up at her mother in relief but stopped when she saw the sad look in her familiar eyes.

“Birdy since you were just a Babe in my arms I dreamed this moment over and over again, it never varied until now. I need you to know that I love you so much and I’m so very proud of you, proud of the woman you have become. You are a superhero, not many mothers out there can say their child is a superhero.” it felt as if her heart had dropped to the pit of Birdy’s stomach as she watched her mother put Little Lyra back in the playpen with a kiss to her forehead.

“I’m sharing this moment with you now because I know it’s going to come true for you, but I need you to remember something for me...” Lyra placed her hand on her daughter's cheek, brushing the single tear away. “Remember you were loved by me. That you made my life a happy one, and there is no tragedy in that.” Kissing Birdy on the forehead? Lyra moved towards the back door, her daughter getting up as carefully as possible, hoping not to wake the babies.

“Don’t go please, I love you!”

With a smile on her face Lyra blew a kiss to her daughter and then was out the door.

Birdy gasped sitting up. Wanda, falling off of her, being forced from the comfortable place where she had laid her head on Birdy’s stomach to watch the Breakfast Club in the blanket fort that Peter and Morgan had assembled earlier in the day. The fort took up over half of the New Avengers main living room and sat in front of the television. It's where the duo, Peter and Morgan had hung out and watched cartoons together, waiting for budget meetings and debriefings for the week to be over.

Wanda and Birdy had quickly fallen in love with the fort, and with Peter and Morgan for inviting them inside to help keep the little girl company until her parents were done working for the day. When Morgan had left they had decided to leave it up for a John Hughes movie marathon. Bucky and Steve had come to join the youngest Avengers in watching the films.

All eyes had moved from Breakfast Club to a gasping Birdy. Wanda’s hand was quick to grab hers and give it a reassuring squeeze, trying to pull her from her frantic daze. Birdy’s eyes started to scan the cozy space, seeing that the popcorn was all gone and Peter had stopped mid way to the Jelly Beans, now peering at her in worry. Bucky was on his side looking from her to Steve, as he put his hand on her shoulder, trying to give comfort.

“I’ll go get Mr. Barton and Miss Natasha!” Peter’s quick reflexes had him out of the fort in seconds, without knocking anything down, before anyone could say anything.

Birdy was trying so hard to figure out what was going on. She knew where she was, at the compound. She knew it was Friday, movie nights with Peter and Wanda, and that she had fallen asleep at the end of Weird Science, her least favorite John Hughes movie.

She had been dreaming, yet it felt so real. But she wasn’t carrying a child and she wasn’t even dating anyone, so it made no sense. Also her mother just leaving like that? Strange. The more Birdy thought on the dream the more her head started to hurt. Someone calling her name pulled her from her thoughts and looking up Clint stood crouched above her.

“Hey Kiddo, are you back with us?” Clint held out his hand to Birdy, which she gladly took, letting go of Wanda’s, and allowing the archer to pull her up off the blanketed floor. Natasha stood at the entrance of the fort in her pajamas, looking in, watching as Clint hugged the younger woman. Right away Natasha knew something was off.

“Yeah, I’m sorry you guys, I had the strangest dream and it-” Birdy’s face was scrunched up in almost confusion, as she stared off behind Clint’s shoulder. “-It felt so real.” Her voice died off as Clint hugged her close to him.

“It wasn’t a vision was it?” Natasha moved inside the blanket fort, her question was more of one of concern. Every time that Birdy had a vision, something bad was about to happen or come their way, like the time she had envisioned the meeting with General Ross, the next day the team was torn in two, because of the Sokovia Accords. Birdy just shook her head, it wasn’t a vision that she knew of.

“Well if it was just a dream, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Wanda and Peter, why don’t you go make chamomile tea. Steve go adjust the temperature? I think it’s a little warm. Bucky do whatever it is you want to do.” Natasha waved the former assassin off, “Clint and I are going to just sit in here with you until you feel better.” Sitting on the loveseat, Natasha patted the empty cushion next to her as Clint guided Birdy to sit next to her.

Before anyone could do what the Black Widow demanded, a gust of wind blew through knocking many of the blankets to the ground. Bucky was up on his feet in flash as none of the windows were open. This gust of wind was not ordinary. Steve moved to the opening of the fort with a pillow in front of him, peeking out into the living room.

In front of the windows facing the vast forestry surrounding the compound, stood Pietro Maximoff and Jasper Valentine, the pair of them holding on to Birdy’s older brother Rory. The trio looked disheveled, eyes bloodshot, and their hair all over the place. Steve felt his body relax when he recognized them, dropping the pillow to the ground. Scoffing, Jasper let go of the warlock first, and made his way forward, hugging Steve.

“Rory Sellar, what have I told you about just portaling unannounced into the compound?” Steve let go of Jasper before he made his way to Pietro, hugging the twin of his teammate, then to Rory, who just cleared his throat and looked to the ground. Pietro shook his head, getting Steve’s attention, immediately the scolding died in Steve’s throat.

“Steve, is Birdy awake?” Rory’s voice cracked as Natasha and Bucky looked out. Bucky gave a slight wave of his hand at the newcomers, while Natasha tilted her head in the direction of the fort. The group made their way inside the massive fort following behind Natasha. Birdy, jumping up from the couch at the sight of her older brother, rushed to give him a hug. Rory took his little sister in his arms, hugging her tightly, as he kissed her on the crown of her forehead.

“I just had the weirdest dream…” Birdy pulled away as she heard Rory sniffle, looking up at him in concern.

“Birdy I’m so sorry, she wouldn’t let me portal to come get you, she said she didn’t want you to see her that way.” Birdy’s face scrunched up in confusion. “I begged her to let me come get you, but she said no, and Dad agreed.” Rory started to let the tears fall.

“Rory, you aren’t making any sense, what is going on?” Pietro was by the warlock's side in an instant, his hand on his shoulder, looking at Wanda, who gasped after reading her twin brother's mind. Wanda looked away with tears in her eyes, hand covering her mouth in shock and sadness.

“What’s wrong? Is everyone okay?” Thousands of questions swam through her head, as her brother grabbed her hand, holding it as Natasha made her way to the younger girl's side.

“It’s mom Birdy, she’s gone.” tears started to build up behind the girl's eyes at her brother's words. Shaking her head, Birdy felt as if the room dropped ten degrees in that moment. “She has gone to be with souls in the great beyond.”

Before anyone knew it Birdy was falling to knees, a cry erupted from her mouth, “No!”

Birdy screamed while the power in the building started to flicker as the walls started to shake. Natasha, at Birdy’s side, pulled her to her side. Steve looked around realizing they needed to get the young witch calmed down or they were going to be in trouble.

“Rory you need to get her out of here, the building isn’t going to be able to handle this sort of shaking.” As he spoke part of the stucco from the ceiling fell on his shoulder.

Rory reached down holding onto his little sister's shoulder and looked back at Clint, “I’ll be right back for you.” In a flash, through a portal, the trio were gone. As fast the shaking and flickering lights had started they had stopped. The rest of the group stood there staring at the empty spot that once was Natasha, Rory and Birdy, feeling a sudden emptiness with the news they had heard. Things were about to change and it was out of their control.