#(or even someone else calling me a fanboy or a mom friend or whatever without bringing up gender)

[theminecraftbee]

You have Canadian vibes because you are like a nice person who has been driven mad by weather. Also I know you are NB but you give soft guy vibes

okay protip anon: don’t go “hey I know you ID as [gender]” and then misgender someone anyway. it makes you come across as perhaps just a bit transphobic. just a tip.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

A Place To Call Home: Halloween

Summary: A casual Halloween night out for some drinks between the reader, TJ and Cody becomes anything but when the reader thinks she may have been drugged at a bar. When she calls Jensen for help, their relationship takes a fundamental change...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 6,100ish

Warnings: language, drinking, drugging, angst, fluff

A/N: This part takes place after the Jensen’s Day timestamp. Enjoy!

______

“Trick or treat!” said Allie after your dad answered the front door in a batman t shirt. 

“Well aren’t you the cutest little Elsa,” he said. He dropped a few big handfuls of candy in her bag and then a few more. He tickled Colin and got a laugh from him. “Colin you are the most adorable baby Yoda ever cutie and I gotta say...you ain’t a half bad Mandalorian, kid. You almost look tough or something.”

“It’s cause I’m a badass,” said TJ as he stuck out his chest.

“It’s cause you’re a nerd,” said your dad. You walked inside, Colin giggling as your mom stole him away without a second glance. “Nice costume though.”

“Y/N picked it out off some website or something,” he said. He sneezed and your dad shut the door. “God my allergies are killing me lately. Ragweed is horrible this year.”

“I know. De and I have been popping allergy meds the past few days,” he said. “You get it the worst.”

“Yeah but I started taking it like a week ago to build it up. I think it’s helping. Also, a bounty hunter and an adoptive dad? Mmm, peak man crush right there, babe,” you said, your dad rolling his eyes as TJ kissed your cheek.

“And what exactly are you supposed to be? A curtain?” teased your dad as you spun around.

“I thought I’d go another route,” you said. You took off your robe and he went wide eyed. “Soldier...girl?”

“Oh my God. You’re Solider Boy. That is so fucking cool!” he said as he looked you over.

“Jay, fuck’s a bad word,” said Allie. 

“And we don’t repeat bad words, do we,” said TJ. “De’s got some more candy for you somewhere I bet.”

She took off up to the TV room and your dad walked around you.

“What do you think?” you asked. “Look real?”

“Okay that’s like good. Like real good. It’s just like mine from the show. Like even the shield looks the same.”

“It’s from the show. Kripke sent it to me. I know it’s a little big for my back but I couldn’t not use it,” you said. “I took a long shot and asked him on Twitter about it and he just like sent me the thing. He was really nice.”

“Good,” he said as he looked you over. “I am impressed. You guys might win your costume contest thing at whatever bar you’re going to.”

“I just want to go drink,” you said, TJ throwing an arm over your shoulders. “We’ll be back around eleven, midnight?” 

“Go have fun. Mom and I’ll watch the babies tonight. Pick ‘em up in the morning,” he said.

“We didn’t pack bags for them,” you said. He stared at you and shook his head.

“You live a quarter of a mile away. We shall survive without you for one evening,” he said, pushing you both out the door. “Go have fun with Cody. I’ll see your hungover butts tomorrow, okay?”

“Don’t have to tell us twice.”

“Cody,” you said at the bar a few hours later. He finished off his drink and shook out his head. “Can you check on TJ? He’s been in the bathroom awhile.”

“Yeah. Order me another gin and tonic?” he asked.

“Can do,” you said. You hopped off your seat and paused for a moment, getting your bearings before you walked over to the bar. “Gin and tonic and another...graveyard…”

“Graveyard smash?” asked the girl behind the bar.

“Yeah. Another one of those. Oh and a bottle of bud,” you said. You handed over your card to pay, tucking it back in your shorts pocket. You brought the drinks over to the table, finishing off your margarita and the last of TJ’s old beer before you started sipping on the Halloween mixer. 

It took about thirty seconds before you realized what you’d done.

“Fuck,” you said. You pursed your lips and took out your phone, biting your bottom lip before you dialed.

“You better be drunk calling me,” chuckled your dad. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“The guys are in the bathroom and I just drank from a glass that nobody was watching,” you said. You shut your eyes and felt a little off, not sure if it was because of the already decent amount of alcohol in you or something else. “What do I do?”

“Go to the bar and sit there and don’t move. The boys will be back soon,” he said. You tried to move but felt wobbly and sat back on your seat. “Y/N, don’t hang up on me.”

“Dad, I don’t think I can walk over there,” you said. “I’m drunk but...shit I fucked up.”

“Where are you?” he asked.

“Um, the uh...the place to the right of Jared’s.”

“Okay. Sit there. I’m gonna call…” he said as you stared down at the bathrooms. “Y/N. Answer me.”

“I think something’s wrong,” you said. “The boys are taking too long.”

“Cody is a police officer and TJ is tougher than he looks. They’re probably throwing up or something,” he said.

“TJ said he felt funny,” you said as you stared at his glass. “What if it was in his drink?”

“I don’t know but whatever you do, do not leave your spot,” he said.

“But it’s TJ.”

“Y/N I’m having a hard enough time not freaking out right now. Please do not move,” he said. 

“Hey! Soldier boy!” said a guy walking by in a homelander costume. “Nice suit.”

“Can you do me a favor?” you said, the guy smiling as he leaned against your table. “My husband and friend went to the bathroom a long time ago and didn’t come back. One’s the Mandalorian and the other one is a zombie. Can you check on them for me?”

“Yes I can very drunk girl,” he chuckled. “I’ll be back.”

“Y/N, stop putting the phone down,” said your dad in your ear.

“Homelander’s going to look for the boys.”

“Your boys or The Boys?” he asked.

“Should I have clarified?”

“Just...I’ll be there soon. Don’t-”

“Boys!” you said, Homelander wandering back over with a very pale looking TJ and a wet Cody.

“I think your friends were puking in the alley,” said Homelander.

“Thank you so much,” you said. “You’re so sweet.”

“Mind if I get a pic? Your costume is kinda perfect,” he said.

“Not at all,” you said. You hopped off your seat and felt better. “Ah, okay. Just drunk.”

“Hm?” said TJ as you hung up your call and the other guy gave him his phone. “Hey there’s a starlight over there too.”

“Starlight! Come get your pic taken with the Seven, girl!” you shouted.

“She’s drunk,” said the homelander guy with a laugh. 

“After three of those graveyard smash things? Oh for sure,” said TJ.

Half an hour later you were onto another drink and TJ was fanboying over star wars with another guy in a Mandalorian outfit. Cody was talking to the starlight chick who was maybe in a relationship with the homelander guy. They were at least mutually pining for one another if they weren’t already.

“Morris. Come on. I’m drunk and even I can tell Kayla Starlight over there is dying for you to ask her out,” you said. He shrugged and you cocked your head. “Oh come on.”

“She’s been my best friend since I was like four. Like, I can’t fuck up twenty something years of friendship if she’s...how fucked am I?” he asked as you smirked.

“So fucked,” you laughed. “Trust me. I was besties with my husband for years before we finally talked about it. Sometimes you just gotta-”

“Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your phone?” you heard your dad say. You spun around and gave him a smile.

“Is that the guy that played-”

“Walk away kid. Now,” growled your dad. 

“See ya around, Y/N,” he said, Kayla disappearing with a wave with him. TJ spun around and your dad shot him a dirty look.

“What’d I do?” asked TJ.

“You three are glued to your phones yet tonight for some reason, you seem to have forgotten they exist. If you’d read a text then you’d know that she called me half an hour ago saying she thought she’d been drugged.”

“What?” Cody and TJ said, both of them staring at you.

“Fuck, Y/N I thought someone took you,” said your dad. You opened your mouth and he shook his head.

“She’s just drunk,” said TJ. 

“Well thanks for the update. You could have answered your phone,” he said. He glared at you and shook his head. “Don’t ever do that again.”

He left the bar and you slid off your seat, jogging outside, telling the boys you’d be back in a minute. There were a lot of people out for a Friday night and it took a second to find him in the crowd. 

“Dad,” you said. You caught up with him as he walked down the sidewalk. You tugged on his arm and the man spun around, very much not your father. “Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

“Nice costume,” he said and you stepped back into another body, your head swimming. “You gonna puke? Alley’s over there.”

You turned your head and jogged around the corner, spitting up your stomach with a big heave. You wiped off your mouth and sighed, getting up to your feet. There was a shove on your back and you got pushed further into the darkness, falling onto the dirt and gravel. You spun around on your bottom and saw the guy from before.

“Be more careful, kid. You’re tripping there.”

“You pushed me,” you grumbled as you stood up, picking up a rock in your fist as you went.

“You’re on something. You got that look in your eye,” he said. You narrowed your eyes and he walked forward, close enough for you to whack him in the head with the rock. He swore as he fell down and you ran back onto the street, jogging away until you got to a street corner and saw a familiar back of someone’s head.

“Dad,” you said, tugging on his jacket, relieved to find it was him this time. “Dad, there was-”

“I don’t want to speak to you right now,” he said. You swallowed and stared at him, his face hard.

“Dad. I-”

“You never hang up the phone with me when you call me like that ever again, do you understand?” he said. You stared at him and his jaw clenched. “Of course you don’t. You’re drunk.”

“Dad I’m not. I-”

“You smell like vomit,” he said with a scoff. You turned around and saw the man from before hanging back, shooting you a look. “Go back to the bar, Y/N.”

“Dad-”

“Would you just go?” he shouted. 

“Dad don’t. I need-”

“For fucks sake. Just go away.”

You let go of his arm, tears welling in your eyes. 

“Grow up,” he said. You stepped back, watching him walk across the street.

“D-Daddy,” you said. He stopped in the crosswalk and looked back at you, his gaze following yours over to the man. The man saw him look at him and took off back towards the bars when he saw your dad scowling. Your dad jogged back over to you, tensing when you took a step back from him. 

“No one’s gonna hurt you,” he said. He stepped closer and you squeezed your eyes shut. “Y/N. What’s wrong?”

“I feel funny and I’m drunk and I’m scared and I’m scared of you,” you breathed out. “You were gonna leave me alone.”

“Y/N-”

“You said you wouldn’t leave me alone,” you said. You stumbled over to a nearby wall and slide down it, your head in your hands. “Don’t leave me alone. You promised. You said so.”

“Okay,” he said as he sat down beside you. He kissed the top of your head and you heard him shudder. “You’re okay, munchkin, I promise.”

“How are you feeling this morning?” asked the doctor that walked into your room. 

“Tired,” you mumbled. TJ and Cody were there in their own stalls, still in their costumes, your dad out in the hall talking to someone.

“Your blood alcohol content was up there,” he said. “Especially you, Y/N.”

“I want to go home,” you groaned.

“You’ll be discharged shortly,” he said. You grumbled and half an hour later you were signing something that you could leave.

“Y/N,” said your dad as you walked away from the nurses station. You glanced over your shoulder, glancing down until he came over. “We need to talk about last night.”

“No we don’t. We got too drunk. I fucked up. Lesson learned,” you said. You started to head out and he grabbed your shoulder. “Jensen let go.”

“Y/N,” he said, spinning you around. He opened his mouth and you crossed your arms, shrugging him off. “I made a mistake.”

“I had to beg you to help me. I called you daddy I was so scared,” you said. He shut his eyes and you growled. “Look at me.”

He snapped his eyes up, his eyes a little red already but you were too angry to care.

“The only other time I’ve ever called you that, I thought you were dead on that road. I thought...I thought there was absolutely...I was drunk and maybe drugged and your reaction was to get pissed at me, at us, for not answering phones. A man tried to attack me and I got away because my dad told me to grab whatever I could if I was ever in that situation. There you were, the safest place in the world, the safest I could ever feel after something like that happened and you told me to go away. I was terrified and you could see it on my face and you left me. You made me beg for you to help me. I don’t know who the fuck you were last night but you were not my father. You’re Jensen again until he decides to come back.”

“Y/N,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Congratulations. You’re just like every other foster father I ever had.”

He stared at you and you turned around, walking past both TJ and Cody.

“Y/N,” said TJ and you kept walking. “Y/N. Jensen, she didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, I did. Let’s go TJ.”

One Week Later

The doorbell rang and you rolled your eyes, TJ walking past the couch and away from the door.

“TJ, can-”

“Tell him yourself,” he said, going to his office and slamming the door. You glared at it before going to the front door. You opened it quickly, your dad standing there in his raincoat and swallowing thickly.

“Is this about work?” you asked.

“No,” he said quietly.

“Then get off of my property.”

“Y/N-” he said as you slammed the door shut in his face. He rang the doorbell again and you ripped it open. “Honey-”

“I’m not your honey or kiddo or tall munchkin or anything, Jensen. This is me telling you that I want you out of my life,” you said. He lowered his head and you heard him sniffle. “I don’t give a fuck about if you cry. Get out of our lives. Stay away from my family.”

“I’ll do whatever you want me to,” he breathed out, forcing his head up. His eyes were red and puffy, face tired like it’d been that way for days. “I’ll do whatever you want. I promise.”

“You humiliated me,” you said, stepping outside and pulling the door shut. “I thought you loved me.”

“I do,” he said. “I love you so much you-”

“You don’t even know. Boo fucking hoo,” you said. He stepped back and looked small, rain dripping down on him now. “The real world sucks. Get used to it.”

“I made a mistake. Please,” he said. “Y-you don’t have to forgive me. You can...just let me try. Please. We’ve always tried. P-please let me try.”

You stared at him, watching him look down, watching him debate getting on his knees.

And it dawned on you what you’d done. What you’d said.

“Y/N, Y/N, honey,” said TJ. You looked up from the floor of your bathroom, your dad knelt down on your other side. “Honey, look at me.”

He grabbed your face and you felt wet tears streaming steadily down your cheeks.

“What happened?” you asked. “I was on the porch and now I’m here?”

“You were talking to your dad outside and he said you just...fell over crying.”

“Something’s wrong with me,” you said. You shut your eyes and TJ looked around.

“I’m gonna call the doctor,” he said. “Jensen can you keep an eye on her?”

“Of course,” he said. He kept his distance and you sniffled, opening your eyes. He looked down when you met his eyes and you started to cry.

“I’m sorry,” you said. You grabbed his arm and sat up on your knees, giving him a big hug. “Dad I’m so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Please. Please. I’m sorry. I want to be your daughter. I want my dad back. Please.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere,” he said. He relaxed and felt like himself again, your head resting on his shoulder. 

“Uh, guys?” asked TJ. You lifted your head up, TJ holding up his phone. “Y/N, I think I know why you freaked out on Jensen so bad.”

“How would the doctor know that over the phone?” asked your dad.

“There’s a recall out on a certain allergy medication warning people not to take it according to this headline,” said TJ. 

“Why would-”

“It’s not allergy medicine. It’s an antipsychotic drug. They mixed up the pills during manufacturing. Apparently if you give those to people that don’t need them, it fucks with their heads,” said TJ.

“You take them too,” you said as TJ nodded, your dad quiet. “Dad you and mom do-“

“I think we all better go to the hospital and get checked out. Right now.”

“How do you feel?” asked your mom a few hours later.

“My head feels normal again,” you sighed from your hospital bed. You opened your eyes, her hand running over your head. “Did I fuck it up. With dad. I think I broke it. That thing we had and it’s never going to fix back the same way.”

“You were on a very strong antipsychotic without you knowing. We are lucky all you had was some anger and a few delusions. It could have been much worse,” she said. “Daddy’s not mad, sweetie.”

“Mom I’ve never seen him like that. I was so…”

“Wasn’t just you,” he said as he rounded the corner into the room. He was out of his clothes and in a pair of pants and a plain t shirt now, holding up the bracelet on his wrist. “Why’d I have to get all the crying? I would have rather have been pissed off like you got.”

“Your test came back positive?” asked your mom.

“Yeah. So far that’s Y/N, me, TJ, Cody. The younger kids don’t seem to have it thankfully since they take the kid version. They want you to get tested though,” he said.

“But mom’s been normal,” you said as you sat up.

“Well…” he said as she rolled her eyes. “Mom’s been a little...aggressive in-”

“Don’t need to know,” you said. He chuckled and he took a seat on the opposite bed, your mom heading out. They hooked him up to an IV to clear out his system and he took a seat beside you on the bed. You looked down, getting a bump on the shoulder. His hand as on his lap, palm facing up and you smiled.

“Thatta girl,” he said as you rested yours in it. “Gonna take more than some antipsychotics to tear us apart.”

“You are the greatest foster father I’ve ever had and arguably the kindest human being I’ve ever known,” you said. He was quiet and you took a deep breath, looking across the room. “You protected me, even when you were being affected by this. I want you to forget everything I’ve said from Halloween night on. It wasn’t true. Not a second of it.”

“Was the daddy part true?” he asked. “The accident.”

“I expect you to protect me when TJ’s not around. I expect it when he is too to be honest. I spent a long time protecting myself. I was scared on that road. You couldn’t protect me. You couldn’t protect me from watching you almost die. I know how life works and that parents are not invulnerable. They get hurt. They get angry. They make mistakes. They’re human. But I’ll always be your child and on a rare occasion, I’ll need my fucking daddy to tell me it’s okay and I’ll believe him. I’m sorry for hurting him so badly.”

“You are still as ridiculous as the day you walked in your room and told me not to bother with you,” he said, tucking your hair behind your ear. “You can hurt me. You can destroy me. You can ruin me beyond repair. You’re the only thing that puts me back together though. Heals the wounds so I forget they existed. I’ve been broken before. More than you know. I am sure I will fall apart again too. But these small creatures I call my children fix all of that. The girl who ran away, who was afraid of me, she just told me I make her feel safe. I protect her. So I’m sorry but I won’t forgive you since there’s nothing to forgive. You weren’t yourself and neither was I yet you still pushed past it and realized this wasn’t normal for us. Maybe some people fight and some families would have let it go but we know we don’t stop trying in this family. Even when we’re all a little off. I’m proud of you.”

“For what?” you said quietly. He fixed your hair again, playing with it for a moment. He tickled the back of your ear and you giggled. “Dad.”

“Giggles never hurt either,” he said. He threw his arm over your shoulders and pulled you in close, kissing the top of your head. “You’re not that scared kid anymore, Y/N. You’re never gonna be her again. You’re strong. Even now, I know this will bother you for a little while but it won’t change anything. We’ll be even better if that’s possible.”

“You were begging me at the house,” you said.

“Could have gotten that new bronco you’ve been looking at. Sounds like you lost out,” he chuckled.

“Dork,” you said as you hugged him.

“I’m sorry for how I acted that night at the bar too. I’ll never do it again. I promise to not leave your side if you ever call me for help. Not for a second.”

“Dad you don’t have to apologize.”

“I’m bigger than you. I get to force this apology,” he said. “Am I forgiven?”

“Always,” you said. You saw a guy go past in the hall and you went wide eyed. “That’s the guy from the alley!”

“Hey,” said your dad with a smile as you got up. He walked out with his IV, you on his tail as the guy turned around with his doctor. The man looked at you and shook his head. “You’re the dickhead that tried to hurt my daughter aren’t you? I thought that was you.”

“Ew,” you said, looking at the infected cut on his head. Your dad moved forward and you caught his arm. “Um, maybe we can call the police?” 

A security guard at the nurse’s station got up and the man sighed, your dad narrowing his eyes.

“I was only gonna kill him a little,” he said. The man stared and your dad cocked his head. “I’m hopped up on anti-psychotics buddy. I can be very creative.”

“Dad,” you said, dragging him back into the room. “Let the police handle it.”

“I did get a little too happy about fantasizing over that,” he said as he sat down. You rolled your eyes and took a seat, laying back on the bed.

“Am I too big for a cuddle?” you asked.

“Nope, especially not in the hospital,” he said. He sat back and you rested your head on his shoulder. “Where is that husband of yours anyways?”

“I think he’s on the phone with the lawyer trying to sue or something,” you said. “Let him wander the halls and get it out of his system.”

“Excuse me?” You both turned to look at the door. “Hi. I’m Morris Harrison with Richmond...Solider Boy?”

“Homelander?” you said as Morris shook his head. “Uh, hi?”

“Hi. I uh, I’m a lawyer at Richmond and Associates and we’re working the class action against the pharmaceutical manufacturer. I got a call about more cases,” he said, handing over a business card. 

“We’ll be getting the family lawyer in contact with you rest assured,” said your dad. He nodded and looked away. “You okay?”

“Morris this is my dad, Jensen. Dad this is the nice boy from the bar you shouted at,” you said.

“To be fair, I was mentally impaired...and I mean come on, Homelander? Gotta be careful of those,” he smirked. 

“I was actually gonna be…” he said, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

“You and Kayla were gonna be Sam and Dean! Oh yeah. Now I remember,” you said. 

“I like the new friend,” chuckled your dad.

“I’ll see you guys around sometime. Maybe a little less drinking this time?” said Morris.

“Yeah. Text TJ. We’ll get together,” you said. “Oh. I gotta ask. How’d the Kayla situation work out?”

“We have our sixth date tonight,” he said. You grinned and he rolled his eyes. “You’re alright drunk girl.”

“Later Homelander,” you said with a wave as he left.

“He was nice,” said your dad. “Did I really shout at him?”

“Yeah. I think he’s a fan so thank you for being nicer this time,” you said. 

“Well...at least you made a few new friends out of this experience?” he said. “Silver lining?”

“I will take a quiet, happy day for now,” you said.

“Me too, kiddo.”

Three Days Later

It was after ten when you slipped inside your parents house. It was a little dark, your siblings all at sleepovers. You poked your head around a corner, your dad in the kitchen mixing two cocktails together. He lifted his head up, cocking his head.

“Y/N?” he asked as you stepped out from around the corner. “What are you doing here?”

“I know you and mom got the house to yourselves so I’ll only be a minute,” you said. 

“Uh, what?” he said as you walked over and gave him a hug. He returned it and ran his hand over your head. “Y/N. I know you didn’t mean what you said. You can stop apologizing. Please.”

“I know,” you said. 

“Alright then,” he said. “I’ll take free hugs anytime.”

“Dad.”

“Yeah?” he asked as you squeezed him hard. He returned it and you smirked as you looked up. “What are you up to?”

“Can I show you something?” you asked. He nodded and you pulled him with you towards your old room, back to being one for guests. You walked him inside and sat him down on the bed as he watched you. You went over to the closet and turned on the light reaching up top into a shoe box. You took it down and walked it over, handing it to him.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“My dad’s kinda sappy and he writes me these letters,” you said. He rolled his eyes but smiled, putting his hands on top. “I started writing back. I put them in this box and figured one day you’d find them. But I know it wouldn’t hurt for you to maybe peek a look now after everything.”

He nodded and smiled, freezing when he took off the lid.

“Y/N...how many letters is this?”

“A boxful?” you said. “I maybe write them with more...frequency than he does. They are dated and hopefully in order.”

He picked out the first one and shut his eyes. You bit your bottom lip and he took a deep breath.

“This is from four days after your seventeenth birthday.”

“Every time I went to therapy I wrote one. Some are for mom but your names are on the envelopes.”

“Why does this one say dad?” he asked, holding up the first one. “I wasn’t dad for years.”

“Oh we both know you were my father the first day I stepped foot in here,” you said. “I could pretend to a piece of paper. It was safe. It wouldn’t hurt me. I started calling you dad in my head a very long time ago. I just didn’t say it in case you didn’t want me to be your daughter in the end.”

He put the envelope back in the box and carefully put the lid on, tucking it by his side. He wiped off his face with the back of his hands and looked up at you.

“Next month you turn twenty eight. You’ll have been with us for a hair over eleven years. This last year...the accident...TJ and his dad...now this...you’re the adult more lately than I am.”

“Dad I’m almost twenty eight like you said. But my head still feels...younger. You’re fifty one. But you still probably think of yourself as a twenty year old kid.”

“You are learning the secrets of adulthood after all,” he said, wiping off his face again. “Y/N...I have this fear when it comes to you. It’s only you. I understand why. But it’s a fear I’ve lived with for quite a long time. It’s a fear I thought came true earlier in the week.”

“She was a bitch that didn’t know better.”

“Don’t call yourself a bitch,” he said, sounding young, shaking his head. “You’ve always been tougher than me. I put on a good act but I’m...I’m privileged and I’ve had an easy life and even that seems hard sometimes. I couldn’t be you. I’m not strong enough. I’m not strong enough to erase the fear that I had, that lingered.”

“What are you afraid of?” you asked as you sat down on the bed.

“I have always loved you. But there was a time you didn’t love me and it took a while before it was unconditional. I’ve always had this fear that I would fuck up and hurt you, make you not love me anymore and that’s selfish of me. I know it is. But I can’t lose you. It just...I was broken last week. Like somebody ripped part of my soul out and it was gone forever. I’ve dealt with grief and death and heartbreak and nothing has ever hurt like that. The drugs did all that I know but...I would have done anything to get you back. Anything. And this girl, this amazing young woman, she writes me letters. She’s been writing me letters for eleven years. I never had to be afraid of you either, did I.”

“No,” you said. “But it’s okay. Boys are allowed to get scared too.”

“Your parents did a pretty good job with you,” he said.

“Yes. I think the four of them did too,” you said.

“I didn’t raise you.”

“Yes you did,” you said. You shoved a hand in your pocket and pulled out an envelope, handing it to him. 

“Another for the box?” he asked.

“I already snuck today’s in there,” you said. “This is different.”

“What is it?”

“Just open it.” He untucked the flap and laughed, pulling out the sheet of paper. “TJ thought it was cute.”

“An IOU to tag along whenever I’d like when you go out drinking,” he chuckled. “I’m gonna need several hundred more of these while you’re at it.”

“How about like three?” you said.

“I will settle for you calling me if you think you’re in trouble,” he said. You nodded and he rested his head on your shoulder. “Even drugged up you still did that.”

“Well, the drugs didn’t kick in really until that night. Having allergies sucks,” you said. “You get the runny nose and itchy eyes and the crazy stuff. So not fun.”

“Nope,” he said, giving you a hug. “I was totally gonna have sex with mom all night but now I got all these letters to read.”

“Oh God, gross,” you said, shuddering as you stood up. He laughed and lay back on the bed, giggling as you shook yourself off. “I don’t need to hear about your nasty sex life.”

“I have an incredible sex life. Like so much-”

“Goodbye father,” you said as you walked out of the room.

“You don’t even want to know how often if I’m being honest,” he said as you walked quickly to the front door. He cracked up and you groaned. “Night, kiddo.”

“Night, dad. Enjoy your letters.”

You woke up around three in the morning, rolling over in bed and catching a few texts on your phone. You lifted your head and saw they were from your dad, a smile growing across your face.

I read the last letter first. All I gotta say is you never have to worry about me going away, no matter how much you scream and shout. You’re stuck with me forever, kiddo. Not even strong medication can tear that apart. Nothing can. 

Also, for the record, I get to be the sap in this relationship, not you. Box full of cards. Do you know how hard it is to one up that? Do you? Keeping me on my toes kid. I’m sure I’ll come up with something though.

Love you tall munchkin.

“Something wrong?” mumbled TJ. You put your phone down and shook your head.

“Not at all,” you said. You tucked in close to his side, TJ rolling to his own and tucking your head under his chin. He hummed and rubbed your arm, kissing the top of your head. “Love you.”

“Love you too, honey.”

________

A/N: Read the Dads timestamp here!

[sunshells]

Pick  one  of  your  muses .

Fill  in  the  questions/statements  as  if  you  were  your  muse  in  a  new  post .

Tag  five  people  to  do  this  meme

Tagged  by  @andiaberto​

1.  What  is  your  name ?   Gabry !!

2.  What  is  your  real  name ?  Uh  ..  you  mean  my  full  name ?  It’s  Gabriele  Capasanta.

3. Do  you  know  why  you  were  called  that ?   No ?  My  parents  just  thought  ‘Gabriele’  was  a  nice  name,  and  they  were  right.  I  prefer  to  be  called   ‘Gabry’   though .

4.  Are  you  single  or  taken ?  Hehe .. mind your damn business.

5.  Have  any  abilities  or  powers ?  I  don’t  know,  is  shapeshifting  considered  a  power?  I  think  it  is!  I’m  a  sea  monster  so  i’m  pretty  good  at  swimming,  but  i  can  also  shift  into  a  human  whenever  i  want  ..  and  as  a human  i  am  great  at  parkouring  !!  Wanna  see  me  do  some  free  running  on  a  rooftop  ?!   It’s  not  dangerous .

6. Stop  being  a  Mary Sue.  Who  the  hell  is  that ?

7. What’s  your  eye  color ?   Brown  as  a  human  and  turquoise  as  a  sea  monster .

8. How  about  your  hair  color ?   Blonde ! But  uh  ..  as  a  sea  monster  my  fin  thingies  are  teal.

9. Have  you  any  family  members ?  Yeah,  there’s  my  mom  Serena  and  my  dad  Vincenzo,  mom’s  a  craftswoman  and  dad  is  a  biologist.  I  lean  towards  my  mom’s  artsy  side  though but only  because  my  brain  shuts  down  at  the  mere mention  of  science  and  maths.

10. Oh ?  What  about  pets ?   Not  really,  the  only  pet  i  ever  had  was  this  one  fish  i  won  at  a  fair  when  i  was  8  years  old,  but  it  died  the  day  after  i  got  it.   My  man  really  just  looked  at  me  and  said  ‘ nah  boy  bye ’

11. That’s  cool  I  guess,  now  tell  me  about  something  you  don’t  like  People  who  use  their  wealth  and  ‘power’  to  manipulate  others  into  doing  whatever  they  want,  i’ve  seen  plenty  of  people  like  that  at  my  school  and  for  some  reasons  everyone  keeps  looking  up  to  them  as  if  they  were  some  kind  of  heroes.  All  i  see  is   parasites  with  no  skills  who  wouldn’t  be  able  to  do  shit   without  mommy  and  daddy  giving  them  whatever  they  want.

12.  Do  you  have  any  hobbies / activities  you  like  doing ?  I  already  told  you  about  the  parkouring  and  free  running  so  i  suppose  in  can  tell  you  i  really  love  drawing,  to  be  specific  .. i  prefer  painting !  got  tons  of  unfinished  art  and  tools  scattered  all  over  my  room  but  that’s  what  happens  when  you  get  so  many  ideas  but  never  have  time  to  actually  finish  it  or  uh  ..  tidy  up  your  room  ..  but  yeah !  Sculpting  is  also  a  great  passion  of  mine  and  i’m  hoping  to  turn  this  passion  into  my  profession.

13. Ever  hurt  anyone  before ?   Mentally  or  phyisically ?  Because  i  always  do  my  best  to  always  be  careful  with  words  and  avoid  hurting  anyone’s  feelings  ..  and  if  i  do  i  always  apologize,  physically  though  ..  uh  ..  let’s  just  say  all  those  times  were  self  defense.  Those  punk  ass  bitches’  faces  deserved  to  meet  my  bat.

14. Ever …. killed  anyone  before ?  Nah,  i  am  not  looking  to  go  to  jail  man

15. What  kind  of  animal  are  you ?   .. FISH ??

16. Name  your  worst  habits.  When  i  feel  nervous  i  constantly  twirl,  curl  and  pull  on  my  hair.  And  ..  uh  ..  i  guess  i’m  always  getting  myself  in  trouble  or  dangerous  situations .. 

17. Do  you  look  up  to  anyone  at  all ?  My  parents,  absolutely.  Look  at  them,  they’re  thriving !  I  am  proud  of  them.

18. Gay,  straight,  or  bisexual ?  Don’t  care,  just  be  a  decent  person

19. Do  you  go  to  school?  Yup !  Art  school !

20. Do  you  ever  want  to  marry  and  have  kids  one  day ?  I  can’t  even  take  care  of  a  fish  man  you  think  i  can  care  for  a  little  child ?

21. Do  you  have  any  fanboys / fangirls ?  What ? No,  i  don’t  want  people  idolizing  me.

22. What  are  you  most  afraid  of ?  The  human  and  animal  remainings  i  find  in  my  school’s  old  ass  clay.

23.  What  do  you  usually  wear ?  I  don’t  really  follow  trends  because  most  of  the  time  they’re  all  ugly  as  hell  so  i  mostly  just  like  to  wear  overalls  or  anything  that  feels  comfortable  enough  for  me  to  move  around  in.

24. Do  you  love  someone ?  I  love  my  family,  my  friends,  and  .. someone  else  i’m  not  gonna  tell  you.  Shut  up. 

25. When  was  the  last  time  you  wet  yourself ?  The  fuck  man  that’s  disgusting  and  i’m  not  answering

26. Well,  it’s  not   over  yet!  Uuugh,  can  we  hurry  up ??

27. What  class  are  you ?  11th grade ..

28. How  many  friends  do  you  have ?  I  only  have  a  few  trusted  friends  and  i  like  it  that  way.

29. What  are  your  thoughts  on  pie ?  I  love  it  just  like  i  love  any  other  kind  of  food  existent  on  planet  earth

30. Favorite drink?  Coca Cola,  drink  it  night  and  day,  dip  it  in  ceral.

31. What’s  your  favorite  place ?   Bari  is  a  beautiful  city,  but  the  sight  of  Portorosso’s  landscape  from  my  room’s  balcony  is  truly  something  else.  It  never  fails  to  inspire  me  and  relax me.

32. Are  you  interested  in  someone ?  I  am  not  telling  you  his  name  ..  but  he  is  a  cute  brunette.

33. Would  you  rather  swim  in  the  lake   or  the  ocean?  I  wanna  swim  in  Coca  Cola.

34. What’s  your  type ?  Of  focaccia ????  I  love  those  extra  oily  ones  with  a  bunch  of  tomatoes  on  top

35. Are  you  wanting  the  quiz  to  end ?  Yes  please  go  fuck  yourself

36. Now  it’s  over !  Tag  five  people:  @qucintly​ @arrhythmiiia​ @prettiestmoon @blackstardiopside​ @pvach​​   anyone  who  wants  to  do  it

[mutalune]

Hey! I hope November is treating you better than October! (Other than the first tuesday. It lasted like a whole week! Crazy!) Do you have any branching stories of your AU? Like would Izuku’s birthday phone call have happened in the original universe? What if Aizawa had a password from Nedzu so he could approach him early? That the time travel aspect of your fic was so ... ill-prepared? is absolutely fascinating. Finally, yours is so good that I’m even recounting it to Datemate! Ihopethismakesit!

first off plz tell your datemate that i said hi because that’s so fucking cute and i hope they’re enjoying the recounting

second off november is going MILES better than october thank you so much for the well-wishes <3

third off thank you??? for your kind words???? seriously appreciate it so much <3

okay onto the fun stuff - i don’t have anything written that’s branching off from the AU, but i have Ideas if you’re interested in hearing them!! (i’m gonna try not to spoil future things in my fic and not give too much away but i’m also Dumb so read at your own risk lmao)

izuku and his dad - AU vs OU

in general, the way i view a lot of the stuff with izuku’s dad is that if izuku had been even a teensy-bit more genuine with his dad in the Original Universe, his relationship with his dad would be way different than the Original Universe. i see the OU relationship between them as unmatured - Hisashi cared about izuku in the OU as well, but he never looked deeper into izuku’s life other than a cursory “oh he’s doing well, his grades are good, he’s healthy, he made it into the high school he wanted.”

and that’s because in the OU, izuku only had all might and his mom as role models. Inko gave him kindness and strength and determination. all might gave him hope and something to aspire towards.

all of that makes the wonderful being that is Canon Deku and i do adore that boy, but Hisashi does Not Like All Might and he wouldn’t be able to handle a tiny deku’s gushing over the hero that destroyed his quality of life. and deku hadn’t been socialized enough to talk about anything EXCEPT all might or heroes - a consequence of having no friends except your busy working mom.

so even if izuku had been open in the OU to a relationship with hisashi (which i don’t think he was, because i think without aizawa there to help him be confident, he would default to protecting himself and hiding and he wouldn’t have the safety of aizawa’s love/support to shield him from if hisashi had rejected him in any way - better to stay away than risk getting hurt and rejected by the only other adult that was semi-obligated to give a damn about him) - i don’t think hisashi would’ve been open to it himself

(i think i said this in an A/N somewhere but i have literally no idea of when AFO and all might had their Big Blowout Fight in canon, so for my purposes, it happened pre-fic when izuku was 6 lmao)

Hisashi has some amount of trauma from that fight - who wouldn’t after losing their sight and most of their face? - the same that all might does, even if we don’t see all might explore that very much. and as someone who has her own trauma, i know i go into “AVOID!!!! AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!!” mode when i come across any kind of trigger.

multiply that by 100x because it’s Your Son who You Adore More Than Anything Even If You Don’t Know Him That Well Because You Also Have Family Trauma - yeah, i can’t imagine hisashi being comfortable with more than the bare minimum kind of relationship with his all might fanboy son.

SO THAT WAS A REALLY LONG WAY OF SAYING: yes, the phone call would’ve happened, but it would have been:

“hey happy birthday”

“thanks”

“how’s school”

“it’s fine. how’s america”

“it’s fine. americans, ya know.”

*awkward silence*

“okay talk to you next year.”

regarding nedzu and aizawa

honestly that’s one of those things i hadn’t even considered when writing this fic if i’m being honest. like the whole reason i started thinking about writing this fic was “how can i give aizawa a tiny izuku to protect and care for without killing inko or making her a Terrible Mother” because that was most of the fics i was seeing (which are all still fun to read don’t get me wrong but i like inko and i like writing women and i am a lesbian who Loves Women!!!!) and i just started writing and THEN made the plot and actual details fit with the first 5 chapters i wrote lmao

i think, though, that nedzu is such a wildcard. like i haven’t read the manga so maybe he’s more understandable in that, but it seems to me like his motivations aren’t very clear. he’s not really a dumbledore-type figure in my eyes - he’s not the general of the battle against the LOV, even if he has authority and has a position and has the intelligence, ya know?

he’s very inscrutable to me, and he has his own bias and own motivations that are intriguing to consider - but i can’t imagine aizawa trusting a past-version of nedzu to work towards the same goals he’s working towards.

like, aizawa thinks he’s logical. but at the end of the day, i write him as a “loved ones comes first, the world comes second” character. and whether he can admit it to himself or not, he knows that nedzu would put the world first.

and it would scare him that nedzu might see izuku (or any of his students, or hizashi, or nemuri) as expendable if that means avoiding the future aizawa came from. with nedzu being as smart as he is and as inscrutable as he is, aizawa could end up as his pawn towards whatever *nedzu* thinks is the best course of action, even if he was completely honest with nedzu.

this is something that i don’t think has come up yet, but aizawa *knows* he’s not the smartest guy. like he knows he’s not an idiot, but he knows that hizashi is WAY smarter than him, and he knows that he wouldn’t be able to beat nedzu in a game of checkers, let alone a life-size game of war.

i could see a version where aizawa gets all might’s help and has some sort of “i know this thing that you never told anyone else, i’m from the future, help” type of password, or i could see him doing it with just about any other pro-hero or any of his students, but i really can’t see a version where he would enlist nedzu first. i think he would want to set some of his plans in motion that even with all of his intelligence, nedzu wouldn’t be able to stop.

(does aizawa even have plans? no he doesn’t, which means he would wait to involve nedzu until he came up with a plan, but he can’t come up with a plan b/c he is Not a Strategic Thinker, so he keeps fixing small problems and saying that when he comes up with a plan he’ll call nedzu, and then he’s fighting the LOV singlehandedly because he’s a moron.)

aizawa isn’t a big picture guy, to me. he’s the best and worst person to send back in time because of it lmao - he’s the best because he is smart and sneaky and (if he had all of the right information) he would find the easiest, quickest solution. he’s the worst because he would be the guy who, given the chance to go back in time and stop someone from destroying the world, he would go “okay i’ll just kill that guy before he becomes a Big Huge Villain” and then not realize “oh wait that just means someone else will step in a fill the void and now i don’t know who that guy is so that’ll be harder and all of my future knowledge is For Nothing” (cough CHISAKI cough)

WOW THIS IS SO LONG i hope if you read it all the way to the end you enjoyed my babbling or at least didn’t hate it enough that you won’t ever open my fic ever again~

in all seriousness, thank you for your ask and thank you for giving me a chance to babble about some of this stuff because i have BIG OPINIONS and a lot of thought has gone into this AU and what the OU of my AU (that is in and of itself a canon divergence/AU of canon lmao) would look like. it was really fun to dive into this onto a medium that isn’t just another document on my google drive~

i hope you’re having a lovely november and if you do anything for the holiday season, you have fun with it~! (also plz feel free to stop in and chat more/ask more if you want to!!! i’m trying to be better about being on tumblr more often lol)

[the19thduckpotato]

In the Shadow of a Smile (Pt 5)

Part 4

He said it he said it he really said it does he know that's everything I've wanted to hear can I say I love you?? I want to say I love you-- but will he feel pressured to say it back? I hope not I know it's so hard to when you're All Might he must know it's okay if he can't but what if he doesn't?? Maybe I should just tell him-- "--I love you," Izuku said, muffled against the thick coat. "I love you lots-- you don't have to say it back if you don't want to, it's okay"

Toshi squeezed his eyes shut as his heart thudded painfully.  I love you, too!! Then say it. Eyes still shut, he opened his mouth. just a few simple words "I..." don’t you dare hold back "...I..." wow, are you seriously about to chicken out right now? He closed his mouth, resting one hand on Izuku's back. ....I love you, too...

Whispered softly, "...I know."

Toshi made a frustrated noise. the great All Might is a coward.  Can't even compare to a child.  That's where your regret lies--not because you didn’t tell them.  Because you didn't have the guts to. "Izuku," he murmured hoarsely.  "I just..."  His voice caught and he sighed miserably.  "Thank you."

Izuku squeezed his hug a little tighter, hoping it would make Toshi feel a bit better, somehow. "Thank you," he murmured back. For loving me, even if you can't say it. N maybe someday you can... but I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. I know it's... when you finally think you're close to someone and say it and then something... happens... maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but-- I just can't seem to stay quiet....

Toshi suddenly reached for his phone, tapped the screen, then gave a tiny grimace of surprise.  "I need to duck out for a moment.  Just a minute, no more, I promise.  Will you be ok in here?"

"Ehh?" Izuku looked up in surprise, not able to see the phone screen but getting the idea. "Uh, okay." He nodded, pretty sure he sounded confident enough. Oh crap. Crapcrapcrap.

Toshi tried to not rush out, striding as calmly as he could.  He was soon across the street, watching the river glimmer in lazy rolling waves nearby. He slipped his phone (no message visible for there never was one) back in his pocket then took a deep breath of fresh air. Then hung his head. "Why?" he muttered.  "Why is it so difficult?" The river rolled on. "What am I scared of?"

Izuku stood in the store by himself, starting to shrink into a stiff board. crapcrapcrap I'm alone, what if someone steals me like Mom warned me about?? ...you're a bit big to just be picked up and carried off, you know that, right? Well, yes, but what if-- Images of Shigaraki's hand creeping around his neck came into his mind. Izuku made a worried noise, hand sneaking up to the jacket collar. Oh right. The jacket. I can't pay for it... I don't even wanna know how much it costs, it's gotta be way too much. He shuffled it off, putting it back on the hanger and holding onto it. Don't want them to think I'd try to walk out wearing it or anything.... He busied himself with looking for items for his classmates while he waited for Toshi to be done with... whatever it was he was doing. Probably making a phone call or somethin'.

"Hey," Toshi called out as he returned.  "I think I found a few ideas online we could search for here and--"  He noticed Izuku had the jacket back on its hanger.  "--not your size?"

“Oh!” Izuku turned back to Toshi. “No, it is! Just ready to buy it now!” He smiled up at Toshi, his eyes crinkling happily.

"Did you see anything else we should get?" He plucked a small Mic doll from a pile in a barrel then was delighted to find it squeaked when he squeezed it.  "Ok yes," he smirked.

“Eehee!” Izuku grinned at the doll. “Whatcha gonna do with it?”

Toshi winked.  "Now  pass me your jacket."  He squeezed the Mic toy again, his mouth twitched in a mild grin as it squeaked once more.

Izuku passed over the jacket, tilting his head and wrinkling his eyebrows in a question.

"Let's get these paid for and then get ya fed."  Toshi tucked the Mic into the jacket pocket.  "What's your favorite?"

Izuku blinked up at him. "Uuuhhh"

"Soba?  Udon?  Takoyaki?"  Toshi tilted his head.  "...hamburgers?"

Izuku's face lit up. "Katsudon!!"

"Excellent choice!"  Toshi tapped his card against the kiosk device, nodded his thanks to the cashier, then handed the bag holding the Silver Age jacket and one (1) Squeaky Mic over to Izuku.  "I might know a good spot."

"Great!" Izuku bounced happily. "N we can come back for the other kids' stuff later?"

"Absolutely!" A few moments later found them in a small but bustling shop.  A man dressed in smart chef's whites looked up from the table he was speaking to, his face lighting up.  "Ah, honorable All Mighf!"  he called out, indicated a nearby table.  "And friend?  Student?"  There was a slight squint of intrigue.  "Or maybe--?" Oh Lord, not again. "One of my best students," Toshi quickly but proudly replied.  "Say hi, Izuku."

He smiled happily and waved. "Hi Izuku!" The words left his mouth before he could think about them. He promptly perished on the spot. "Wait noooooooo...." Those words were muffled by the hands hiding his red face.

Toshi couldn't help it, he snorted into his hand.  "That's my kid!" "Ah???" the chef said, eyebrows rising. "Figure of speech, Ryori." If the chef seemed disappointed, he didn't show it.  Instead, he happily handed Izuku a menu.  "You know I have your teacher here to thank for saving my shop." "Ryori." A silver bell chimed and the chef pointed toward the kitchen.  "Go on, ask him.  I'll be right back with some miso."

Izuku turned to Toshi with a curious grin, hoping for a story.

Toshi looked back to Izuku then jumped a little.  "K-kid!"  He coughed then cleared his throat.  "It's not that big a deal.  Really."  His ears were flushing red again.

Izuku rubbed at his own ear and cheek, chasing away the last of the blush. "Aw c'monnn, if I can be good-naturedly embarrassed so can you!"

Toshi rested his chin on one hand, ears still red.  "Ok, but I just want you to know, I didn't do it just to get free food for life.  I did it because it was the right thing to do." the free food WAS a lovely bonus "When I was younger--a lot younger--i happened to be in the area when a Quirk went haywire.  Some poor kid's Quirk had advanced in its abilities and he didn't quite have a handle on it just yet.  Something to do with vibrations parsing molecules, collapsing structures.  He didn't mean to cause damage, just-- oh thank you, Ryori." The chef grinned as he set the bowls down then waited to hear the rest of the story. "--so there I was, trying to figure out how to get close to the scared kid without being parsed myself, when--" Ryori made a frustrated noise.  "Not that story!  Tell it right!  Tell the story about how you saved my store!"  He gestured for Izuku to try the miso.

“I thought that was the story?” Izuku cast a skeptical glance up at Ryori, then quickly ducked his head apologetically when he realized how rude he sounded. “Sorry.”

Toshinori pinched the bridge of his nose but grinned.  "All right.  All right." "Good man!" "So Izuku, one day I saved this building from collapsing--" "My dear sweet store, when it was still young, ah!" "--and the owner was so grateful--" Ryori proudly rose to his full four and a half foot height.  "--that he did what, All Might?" Toshi smirked.  "That he served a starving hero some katsudon." Ryori shook a finger in mock anger.  "Ungrateful man, tell it right!" "That he served a starving hero the most amazing katsudon he had ever had the pleasure of tasting." Both Ryori and Toshi did the same hand flourish in unison and the blond laughed nervously at Izuku.  "It's, uh, our thing." "Have you tried the miso yet?"

Izuku practically had sparkles floating around his head. They’re so cuuuuuute!! The fanboy side of him was in heaven. “—Oh! Ah, not yet,” he smiled sheepishly, taking a spoonful. “—!!” He nodded excitedly, eyes wide.

"So then??"  Ryori's eyes bore into Toshi. "So then the starving hero decided he liked it so much, he'd come back again when the store wasn't in danger of burning down or crumbling to bits." "You wound me, old friend." Toshi grinned and spooned some of his miso which seemed to soothe Ryori's ruffled feathers. "The hero returned, again and again.  Word soon got around that the great hero All Might had a favorite place to eat." Ryori looked fit to burst from pride.  "Guess what happened, student Izuku?  Go on!"

Izuku’s eyes crinkled with happiness. “Ah, business boomed?”

Ryori clapped his hands with joy.  "Smart boy, clever boy!  And that is how All Might saved my store!" "Because goodness knows your cooking--" Ryori held up a wooden spoon threateningly. "--wasn’t getting enough attention and Ryori, please, put that away, I'm only teasing." Mollified once more, Ryori huffed something about making All Might's usual--the scarecrow's delight--then turned to Izuku, pen poised to take his order.

“Oh, uhh—“ Izuku’s mind went blank for a second, but he quickly remembered what he wanted “—katsudon, please?”

The chef grinned huge, then turned and strode back to his kitchen, a man on a mission.  Toshi shook his head with a fond grin, sipping at his water. "He really is a miracle worker when it comes to culinary concoctions.  People try to say it's because of a Quirk that he must have but no.  That's pure talent, plain and simple."

Izuku took another spoonful of miso with much enjoyment. “I believe it!’

Toshi's eyes sparkled with pleasure.  "I'm very glad you like it!" The next few moments were spent scrolling through online sites and discussing possible gift options for the rest of Class 1A. This is nice.  It's not saving someone from a burning building or punching an evil villain in the face... but it's still going to bring a smile to people's faces and that's what I've missed. Soon, Ryori returned with two covered dishes.  He placed both on the table and lift the lid on Izuku's with a grand flourish.  "Tada!"

“Oooohhh!”

Ryori moved to do the same with Toshi's plate and the blond gently but firmly pushed the chef's hand away. "It's not that big a deal," he murmured very softly.  "Please don't." Ryori's eyes radiated hurt and Toshi immediately regretted his words.  But the chef, ever a professional, bowed his gratitude. "Enjoy, as I no doubt know you will!" And with that, he was gone.

Izuku waited to see if Toshi was going to uncover his own dish or not. Surely he will, he ordered it... right?

Toshi rested a large hand on the lid, lost in his own thoughts.  Then he looked up.  "Oh my word, yours looks positively...wow.  Go on!  Eat up!" He was quick to look away, mouth watering. Not a good idea.  Not as bad as the popcorn but still not a good idea. After a moment, Toshi pulled the lid from his own dish and smiled softly.  Even with as little as what Ryori could work with, he still managed to make it all look fantastic.

Izuku didn't want to start eating until Toshi did, despite the urging. That would be so rude... what if he's saying that because he doesn't intend to eat, though... hhhhrhmmm....

"Don't let it get cold," his teacher murmured.

"W...e..e.ll-- ...yessir," Izuku nodded, beginning to eat after all. I guess if he really wants me to but-- "Mmh," he made a soft noise of approval as he started to nibble the hot meat.

Toshi smiled in a confused sort of way.  Wait, is he really enjoying himself genuinely....or because I told him to? He poked at his rice, pushing the grains around in their bowl.

"Not hungry?" Izuku asked, then mentally slapped his forehead. "Well. You know what I mean." He set his chin on his hand, looking curiously at Toshi.

Tiny Mental Alarm Alert Toshi took a great mouthful and gave a thumbs up. ....good heavens, Ryori really is a culinary genius.  This is delicious. He swallowed too soon, coughed, and pounded his chest, thumb still valiantly sticking up.

"Oh goodness," Izuku laughed softly, "are you okay?"

Toshi wiggled his thumbs up and took another bite with a wink.

Izuku continued eating, his legs swinging happily under the table. It really was amazing, Toshi wasn't exaggerating at all. He avoided making too much of a fuss over something Toshi couldn't eat, though, that seemed unkind.

The blond smiled, quietly pleased.  He noted that Izuku was barely talking now.  A sign that the food truly was good. The kid's happy.  Lookit that grin....albeit with stray rice sticking to his puffed cheeks. Laugh lines crinkled about his eyes.  All Might is still making him smile but not with a giant fist in a villain's face.  Interesting. Toshi mentally turned this thought over, poking at it.  The rice in his bowl slowly disappeared.

((Part 6))

[shellheadtm-a]

know your 616 tony stark - steve rogers edition

originally i was going to group these by groups but the avengers are so large i'm gonna just do...posts for everyone.  especially steve.  there's just too much between these two for me to ever keep it to a blurb, and that relationship is super different in 616 and why is also important.

this is gonna get real long.  strap in.

if you've been here a while you know this story:  so, unlike the mcu, where steve was found and thawed by shield, a newly-formed avengers (consisting of iron man, the wasp, giant man, and thor) went looking for the hulk on a rampage, and happened to stumble across a body floating in arctic waters and pulled it into their sub to have a better look at it.  they didn't expect the dude to be alive, but as he thawed, they realized he was breathing.  more than that, they realized that his clothes - old army olive drabs - had been shredded, and underneath was the red, white, and blue of the fabled wwii war hero, captain america, along with his shield.

sidenote:  tony stark considers this day (canonically) to be the best day of his life.  the day they found steve in the ice is his best memory, his little injured fanboy heart went pitter patter at the very idea of captain america being on their sub and being alive after all that time.

so, to continue our story:  steve woke up and flipped out and had to be subdued before they got him calm down and got to talking, and they decided he was more than welcome to come back to new york with them.  after some adventures of steve's own - the avengers being turned into statues, getting shot, meeting rick jones (professional hero sidekick), finding the alien who turned the avengers into stone, and fighting namor the sub-mariner - steve was made an avenger and the rest is history.

unfortunately, it's...a lot of history.  so let's look at the differences.

iron man and captain america were immediately friends.  there was no animosity there, iron man very quickly became the solid grounding force in steve's life at the time, because iron man was pretty down to earth and charming and funny for a robot (full disclosure, tony kept a secret identity and claimed iron man was his bodyguard).  it's a joke that tony and steve always touch each other unnecessarily all the time always but the reason it's a joke is because it's true.  it started literally immediately after steve got out of the ice.  tony stark gave steve a home in that not only did he open his house on 890 fifth avenue to the steve (it was the avengers' meeting place), he took him on a date tried get up him up to date with the present day.  radiohead is forever going to be an inside joke between them.  no i'm not actually going to explain that.  just know that the band radiohead definitely has a meaning for both them.

the animosity that happens between the two of them is because they both have tempers and are stubborn.  not because they don't like each other.  they love each other, this is fact.  they are literally attached at the hip when they're not swinging at each other, and them swinging at each other is super rare, actually!  tony's one of the people in steve's life that will call him out when he's being stupid about something (the captain america mythos is strong and tony's both not over it and over it - he's come to value steve a hell of a lot more than captain america and he's not afraid to let steve - his best friend - know when he's being a dumbass).  steve makes tony want to do and be better, to be someone steve can be proud of.  they're a duo.  they work best as a united pair and with being on the same page.  they're the mom and dad of the avengers and everyone knows it.  steve's the disappointed gives you a lecture parent, tony's the stand there behind steve and frown and reel steve in when he gets carried away parent.  i'm not even joking a little bit about this, this is what they do.  they're a two man show.

they communicate in looks and finish each other's thoughts and sentences.  it's part because they're part of that generation of avengers teams that were all super close like a family and literally lived together, and part just plain steve and tony.  they do this thing where there can literally be a party going on and everyone else is milling around socializing and they'll have themselves in a corner and talk to each other only, like they're the only people in the room.  they do that in front of other people in other situations.  they fill in the blanks for each other when they talk to other people together.  it's sure as shit a thing you have to witness for yourself.

the nicknames tony gives steve aren't derisive.  instead, he's a big fan of things like beloved.  captain handsome.  winghead.  he occasionally throws out an old man, but even that's affectionate instead of acerbic.  he likes to talk about how pretty steve's eyes are.  the only times he refers to steve as rogers is when things are literally going to shit between them, which, again, is less often than you think.  tony and steve are best friends.  if they're not speaking, the world is out of balance.  all of these things are part of the tony and steve displays of affection with each other, when including the fact that they are touchy.  like i could literally dig through the comics and find plenty of times where there have been shoulder squeezes, the way they'll guide each other with a hand on the back, neck squeezes.  that's just tony and steve.  it's how they are.  there's normally none of this standoffishness.  they are, in the end, physically and emotionally very close.

they love each other.  however you want to read it, that is fact.  that is canon.  whether you want to look at it as them hovering in some weird space that's more than friends and never taking that last step, as one side being unrequited on a romantic front, as it being strictly platonic, whatever.  they still love each other.  it's not some tsundere thing, literally everyone knows they care a lot about each other.  like a lot of you know, a lot of you are new, but some of you may not be aware of how during civil war, steve literally died in 616.  well.  not literally.  more like got forced through time but for all practical purposes he was dead.  and tony immediately fell the fuck apart.  couldn't even give steve's eulogy, he broke down right there at the podium.  if you've never read the confession, you should, that's about as solid of a love confession as you're ever actually gonna see, probably, of tony sitting in a room with steve's body sobbing his heart out explaining his reasoning for what he's done.  because steve's death is the one thing!  he cannot live with.  and he is a mess until he goes on his brain delete world tour.  there's a whole secret funeral with just tony, jan, and hank (well, skrull-hank but they think it's hank), the last of the original avengers still standing, where they found steve in the ice.  just...he was a mess.  and it didn't get better at all for a...super long time.  (they're in a much better place with each other again finally and it's good to see and i love my boys.)

when they fight it's usually due to hurt feelings on both sides because they are both shit at using their words.  and tony's usually the guilty party that's been lying.  lying is a defense mechanism for tony.  it's something he's trained himself to do after years of abuse.  which is kinda funny (in a sad way) because steve actually had a Not Great Childhood with an abusive alcoholic father, too, they just coped in two separate directions.  but tony likes to hide things, pretend like everything is great, everything is peachy, he can do it On His Own, and steve gets angry, every single time, because together things might have turned out differently, and also there's some jealousy occasionally mixed into that (read: finding out about the illuminati) and they just...they're very intense.  their relationship is very intense.  and they can argue and fight and disagree on all kinds of things but at the end of the day...tony still loves steve, and steve still loves tony.

steve is tony's moral rudder.  this isn't me talking shit, tony literally says so.  steve is tony's north star, the one he follows to guide him in the right direction.  what would steve rogers do is literally his mantra.  and this isn't a new thing, tony's been a cap fan from when he was very small.  he has an entire collection of captain america memorabilia that he's been gathering since before he ever became iron man.  so it definitely predates him meeting steve for real.  he decorates with steve's face (okay, and the other avengers, too, there's always plenty of artwork and photos of the teams hanging on the walls).  he keeps a picture of steve in his office the way most people do their significant others.  he just really loves and admires steve a whole lot, and it's only intensified in the time they've known each other and been friends, and steve's friendship is literally the most important thing in the world for tony, period.  even when they disagree.  especially when they disagree.  and tony would trade his life for steve's without even thinking.  has tried to.  the red zone story arc is a prime example, because tony willingly exposed himself to a biochemical agent that worked as flesh eating bacteria on steroids to give steve mouth to mouth to keep him alive, essentially thinking he was trading his own life for steve's and being fine with that decision because "captain america's more important than you."  obviously they both survived, but nothing hurts more than seeing steve cradle tony's head in his lap while tony's dying, knowing tony willingly exposed himself for steve.

tony would probably have left the avengers ages ago if not for steve.  he'd have let the dream die after avengers disassembled (which, for the unfamiliar, is when wanda destroyed the mansion and house of m happened and some of the team died and tony just didn't have the money to rebuild and keep them going).  steve basically gently bullied him into starting a team with him after the breakout at the raft (a bunch of superpowered criminals got loose).  he definitely wasn't going to join again after siege and reluctantly let steve talk him into it (even though i think a break there would have been good for him).  he built the avengers machine for steve, to center around steve, because i believe he fully intended to either not survive or to in some way no longer be a part of the avengers.  he let steve and thor talk him into starting another new team (the current one).

for tony, steve is the important part of captain america.  and it's been that way since they first became friends.  steve constantly amazes him, makes him want to try harder, live up to who steve thinks tony is.  he stumbles a lot, he's only human, but steve's opinion of him is so, so important, and when they're on the outs tony's whole world just falls apart.  but more than that, steve's not just...he's not the serum to tony.  steve could be deserumed and scrawny and have a host of health issues like he once did and it wouldn't matter a single fucking bit to tony, steve will still be steve for him, because it's not captain america that's made steve a hero, it's steve that's made captain america a beacon of hope.  that's all steve.  and tony will also do everything in his power to get steve what he needs, help him when he needs it, will drop literally everything immediately to do anything steve asks.  the rules tony may have in place with other people do not apply to steve.  the exoskeleton he built steve, when the serum was failing and steve was basically dying, broke all of tony’s rules about his tech, and he did it willingly, without a second thought, because it was for steve.  the idea of someone ever telling steve the only thing that makes him special came out of a bottle would have tony ready to fucking fight.

tony knows all the little things about steve you typically do know about your best friend.  the bagel thing always comes up, so you know.  tony absolutely knows steve's favorite bagel flavor.  they can probably recite the way they both take their coffee by heart without thinking about it.  dean harassed me with it like at some point earlier, but there's a thing samnee did that was basically the steve and tony dynamic in a nutshell.  i mean ffs, folks, tony literally.  canonically.  has stolen clothes from steve, he's absolutely got one of steve's blue with the white star tshirts.

in retrospect this all sounds way, way less than platonic but i literally cannot make this shit up.

point is:  in this case, steve is probably his most influential and important relationship.  i'm not saying at all that there aren't others that have their own extreme importance; there are.  rhodey, carol, pepper, happy, nat, clint, thor, bruce, all the people you know from the mcu are all very important to him.  but steve and tony are...intense.  very intense.  and at the same time so absolutely effortless when they're not opposed on the important things.  steve is tony's best friend, full stop.  if tony possibly feels more than that...well, you're allowed to draw your own conclusions?  but uh.  intense.  they act as one another's anchor, they're home.

[robobrainmurdermysterytheatre]

OC Interview!

I got tagged by the lovely @andremarshallwhite in this, thank you! I think someone else might have tagged me a long time ago? I couldn’t find who it was, but big thank you if someone else did!

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same. I’m tagging: @marvilus73 @thesuplexrangerexperience @red-king-4 @commonwealthhero @myworldisbiworld @humans-are-friends-not-food @nya-for-you I know that’s more than five but I can’t count and also hate rules. I think some y’all done this already, though!

I’m cutting this because it’s hella long, so the rest is under the cut 👇

1. What is your name? "General Jack Daniel O'Kelley of the Commonwealth Minutemen, how about you?"

2. Do you know why are you named that? "Yes."

3. Are you single or taken? "Taken, but... if you're asking because you're interested... my relationship is a little bit more... open than people usually mean when they say 'taken'."

4. Have any abilities or powers? "I'm very talented at creating. Equally if not more talented at destruction. Radiation heals me after I had this thing happen on an island with the Children of Atom.. long story, it was a phase. I also know a neat trick with my tongue..."

5. Stop being a Mary Sue. "I would love to but no."

6. What’s your eye color? "They were blue, but now they're... it would be easier to just show you."

7. How about your hair color? "Blonde, blondes have more fun!"

8. Have any family members? "The only blood family I have left alive is my son... but, it's complicated. And something I'd rather not discuss... blood doesn't make family, though - I know that fact with certainty. I consider the people I love and trust and work with every day, the people who we have each other's backs, my family."

9. Oh? How about pets? "Just Dogmeat... oh! And a robot butler. That's the same thing, right?"

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like? "Greed, injustice, hatred, you know, that kind of stuff you would think people would dislike... I've been told that's not very common anymore. Or maybe it never actually was. And Gunners. I will wipe every single one of those sons of bitches off the face of this god forsaken earth even if it kills me. Yum Yum Deviled Eggs are also fucking gross."

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do? “I like to do robots. I mean, I build and mod robots. Give old assaultrons flamethrowers and refurbish old sentrybots so they have gatling laser hands. Paint them fun colors. Put skulls on 'em. Make friends with them. That kind of thing."

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before? "Only if necessary or if they earned it. Out here that seems to be a lot of people. And before The War... I served four years in Anchorage, I didn't get to decide what was necessary or... right... so then, too, as a soldier, yes."

13. Ever… killed anyone before? "Same answer as before."

14. What kind of animal are you? “Have you ever heard the term ‘crazy like a fox’?”

15. Name your worst habits? “Jet, mentats, psycho, med-x and whiskey”

16. Do you look up to anyone at all? "My mom and dad. They were good people. They had really good hearts. They adopted me when I was ten. They had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Then they stood by me through... everything. Unconditionally. I still have a hard time believing people like that really existed."

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual? "Very bisexual"

18. Do you go to school? "I did when I was a kid"

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day? "I had that life once... I would do it again in a heartbeat."

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys? "Not that I'm aware of."

21. What are you most afraid of? "Failing to protect my family again."

22. What do you usually wear? "Whatever's seasonable, reasonable and fashionable. Though fashionable is probably subjective..."

23. What’s one food that tempts you? “Fancy Lads Snack Cakes – I’m supposed to be saving them all for my husband because he really likes them. A lot. I lack the words to convey what happens when you put a box of those things down in front of this man. But they’re so good and sometimes I break down and sneak some. He always knows when I do. Can you imagine having your shit together enough to know exactly how many snack cakes you have? If you can’t, ask him, because evidently he does. I love that man.”

24. Am I annoying to you? "Not particularly"

25. Well, it’s still not over! "Well, OK then!"

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)? "I don't know if there's necessarily a class system out here anymore... but before The War my wife and I were probably closer to the upper end of middle class. My parents were definitely middle-middle class. Before that... I don't know what class you would call a kid without parents scraping by in an orphanage."

27. How many friends do you have? "You want a number? I have no idea. I'm friendly with a lot of people."

28. What are your thoughts on pie? "I once got a perfectly preserved pie out of one of those snack gizmos you see around here and there. Every single one I tried was broken - my pal Mac kept telling me to just smash one open if I wanted that pie so bad, but I wanted to get one fair and square. And god dammit, I finally did. I still haven't eaten it, I put it on my mantle like a trophy."

29. Favorite drink? “Whiskey and Nuka-Cola 50/50 mix”

30. What’s your favorite place? "There's an old overpass up by Greygarden. Once you get on top of it you can see the whole Commonwealth. It's amazing."

31. Are you interested in anyone? "There is this one guy I'm kind of married to..."

32. That was a stupid question… *shrug*

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean? “I would rather just cover myself in butter and throw up a sign that says ‘Mirelurks Eat Free!’ if those are my options...”

34. What’s your type? “Alive... no, I'm kidding. I mean, that is a prerequisite, oh, unless you’re a robot... are robots technically alive? Anyway.. I don't know. I like a lot of different types of people. Genuine people. People who are smart in their own way, whatever way that is. Being a little bit badass doesn't hurt either."

35. Any fetishes? "We don't have time to answer that question, to be fair."

36. Camping or outdoors? "I like being outdoors... I don't like being cold or eaten by surprise Deathclaws, so camping is the less attractive option."

[youremyonlyhope]

The Last Jedi

Here we go. The most controversial Star Wars movie ever (unless Rise of Skywalker has reviews that are just as mixed. I haven’t read any so I don’t know how it’s been received yet.) I actually really really enjoyed the Last Jedi, but I haven’t rewatched it since I saw it in theaters.

Also, unrelated, but literally just a few hours ago I met Oscar Isaac. I was doing a caroling event where I work, and he came by with his son to watch. During one of our breaks, he asked if his son could try the microphone and he held him up so he could whisper and sing stuff into the mic. It was adorable.

I seemed to be the only person who recognized who he was, though one of my co-workers said he had thought so too but he wasn’t sure until I confirmed it. So I went up to Oscar and said hi, asked if he was Oscar Isaac, shook his hand, and thanked him for coming. He says that it was great and that his son loves to sing.

I always joked that I’d bump into Oscar one day since he lives in Brooklyn, but I didn’t think it’d actually happen. And not while I’m wearing a Star Wars shirt and Star Wars socks (which he obviously couldn’t see since I was bundled up in a coat and a scarf and boots but whatever). And definitely not the day before I’m supposed to see the Rise of Skywalker.

I’m still freaking out oh my god. Ok. Time to rewatch the Last Jedi.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... This was the first Star Wars movie I’d seen in theaters in like 12 years at this point. Seeing those words on a giant screen again was amazing. “Certain that Jedi Master Luke Skywalker will return and restore a spark of hope to the fight.” I love that line. I love any and all comparisons of Luke to hope. Yes I am biased. But also, restoring the spark is exactly he does in the end so yes, I love it. It’s just now hitting me that we’re picking up exactly where we left off. Having 1 night between the two movies is every different than having 2 years. ...Was that whatsherface from Game of Thrones, Catelyn’s creepy sister? (IMDB says yes) *BB8 beeps* “Happy beats here buddy, come on.” BB8 sort of said the thing! Also, OH MY GOD I JUST MET OSCAR ISAAC AND NOW HERE HE IS ON MY SCREEN WHAT THE HELL. Was today even real? Oh General Hugs. “Skinny guy. Kinda pasty.” Knowing Oscar and Domnhall are friends makes this better. Oh BB8. Very honorable of Billie Lourd’s Lieutenant Connix to make sure she’s in the last ship leaving the base so everyone else leaves before her. I forgot about the chain reaction of bombs destroying their own Resistance ships... You know, Paige dying while dropping the last of the bombs was already emotional. Rewatching it after you know she’s Rose’s sister makes it worse. First Binary Sunset of the movie. General Hugs has a very good upset face that makes me not feel bad for him at all. More like I want to punch him. Snoke can use the Force across the galaxy... forgot about that. I realized I didn’t mention this in the last one, but I remember the crew complaining that when they filmed the end of Force Awakens it was a cloudy day, but then when they went back to the island for TLJ it was super sunny. And now that it’s been pointed out, I noticed it immediately. Luke throwing the lightsaber. I can’t remember if I was spoiled for this but I feel like when I watched it, I wasn’t that thrown off by it. Something else I didn’t mention at the end of Force Awakens is that I LOVE this set. The stone houses are amazing. Oh porgs. Also, that porg looking into the lightsaber always gives me anxiety. The first words we hear Luke say in 40 years are an annoyed “Go away.” which at least is less whiney than the Tosche Station. Oh Chewie’s like “DUDE. WE NEED YOU.” “Wait... where’s Han?” Awww. Throwing in a little Vader’s theme in there. More temper tantrums. People getting mad at Luke calling a lightsaber a laser sword (in a purposefully mocking way) even though George Lucas himself called them that in some interviews. Yes, it’s not a laser sword, but Luke is trying to show how ridiculous he thinks the idea of him taking down everything is by calling a lightsaber that. I remember being like “Luke... no let’s not just milk that thing... oh ew” I do love the shot of Luke using the giant stick to cross to the other cliff and kill the fish. God that’s a steep hill. “No one’s from nowhere.” “Jakku.” “Alright that is pretty much nowhere.” That’s funny. “It’s time for the Jedi to end.” Remember when that line in the trailer made the fandom literally break down? I love knowing that behind the scenes, Carrie had to slap Oscar a billion times. Also, I do not blame Leia at all. So many people were mad about Leia and Holdo demoting Poe, but Poe was too fearless in that moment. Yes, he destroyed the ship and it worked out, but they lost so many people and they already didn’t have many to begin with. It was worth it, but at a very high cost. So I don’t blame her. Heyyyyyy it’s that girl from that Black Mirror episode and what was that other show? Chewing Gum or something? (IMDB says yes it’s Michaela Coel) See and Poe’s already learning a little by asking permission. Of course... later on he doesn’t ask permission... but whatever. Leia’s Theme... causing me pain. Oh, Kylo didn’t kill his mom. We’re supposed to be happy about that? The bar is on the ground. The utter horror I felt the first time the control room was destroyed and Leia was pulled into space. Oh I love the moment when Leia flies in. Because I’d heard that in the books and comics, we get to explore Leia’s Force abilities and stuff but we don’t get it in the movies besides “I feel that Luke’s in trouble.” Which sucks, because she is the “other” if Luke didn’t work out, so she’s just as strong as Luke if she got trained. They should have just trained both kids honestly, why did they pick the boy? Not saying Obi-Wan and Yoda are sexist... but they’re probably sexist. Also, foreshadowing. I actually noticed the hologram of the ship and Leia flying through this time. Oh Chewie. I like the porg that literally has his jaw dropped in horror. Knowing now that the dice were kind of a symbol of Kira (was that Emilia Clarke’s character?) and Han’s relationship makes me not like them as much. Still, cute throwback that they’re still on the Falcon. We can just ignore they weren’t there in Force Awakens (I kept an eye out and didn’t see them) The way Luke laughed when he said “R2!” I just... my heart. “Nothing can make me change my mind” *R2 plays the Leia hologram* I literally just went “AWWWW” out loud because I forgot that that’s why R2 started playing it. Oh my heart. That hurt the first time. Luke standing over Rey, but offering to help her. Parallels. Oh Admiral Ackbar. I love Holdo’s dress. I love the draping. Someone teach me how to make it. “Thank you for making me aware.” Yeah Poe, she already knows. Stop mansplaining. This is literally a case of mansplaining, why would Poe think he’d have to explain to a commander that there’s no fuel? Yeah it’s a little harsh, but is Holdo wrong? All of these fanboys complain about Canto Bight, but forget that it was Poe’s idea. Then they go and say Holdo was too mean should have put Poe in charge. Guys. Poe’s impulsive. We love him, but he’s the ultimate Gryffindor with no fear and will just do anything without considering consequences. I do wish Holdo had been more open like “I have a plan. You don’t need to know all the parts of it. Just let me do what I need to, ok?” instead of “Just follow my orders.” but still. Oh poor Rose. “Doing talking....” Oh she’s so cute. “I’ve had to stun 3 people trying to use this escape pod.” We love a girl who can fight. Yeah. Once again. Not mad at Rose. Finn does have some selfish tendencies, he’s well meaning but ultimately selfish (or at least, only thinking of Rey). So I do not blame Rose for stunning him.

And now I will take a nap since I have to go to a show tonight. And then I will finish the last 3/4-ish of the movie when I get home later.

Annnnd I’m back!

See. Rose has good reason to be mad at deserters. Ok so it wasn’t Poe’s idea to go to the Star Destroyer it was Finn’s. I will give him that. But still Poe went along with it. “That... wasn’t exactly my...” Oh 3PO. I wish Maz had had a bigger scene. More Lupita please. I have one question: from what angle is this hologram filmed? And how does the camera follow her? I guess it’s multiple hologram cameras, but still, it followed her as she rolled and ran around. Also, did Finn call Maz or did Poe call her? Because as far as we know, only Finn knows her. It seemed like they both had the idea to call her, but that Poe had it first. Did Finn tell Poe about Maz? I’m glad they showed Finn handing Poe the binary tracker thing, since for a second I was like “What if Rey had popped up next to Finn on the Star Destroyer?” I’m glad Rey’s first instinct is to shoot Kylo. “Can you see my surroundings?” “You’re gonna pay for what you did.” “I can’t see yours.” Why do I remember that line so vividly? Why does it make me feel so unsettled? Rey, my sweet Rey, I wish you had just told Luke that you saw Kylo. I love Luke’s explanation of the Force. And him messing with Rey was funny. I love when Rey’s reaching out and feeling life, death, peace, violence, etc. And I love Luke saying the Force doesn’t belong to the Jedi, because it doesn’t. The Jedi failed years ago. “You didn’t even try to stop yourself.” Luke’s horrified. But also, Rey’s just like an extreme version of Luke. Yoda knew that Luke’s emotions could make him vulnerable to the dark side, Rey’s already vulnerable. Yeah, I don’t blame Luke for being scared of Rey after he feels like this is Ben all over again. Oh my god. I love the porg that has a metal piece over its head. That actually made me laugh out loud. Poor Chewie.

I just had to refresh tumblr because my draft wasn’t saving. It brought me back to my dashboard. Where there was a spoiler for the new movie and it wasn’t tagged. PLEASE tag your spoilers people.

The water hitting Kylo still confuses me. Say what you will about the Canto Bight plot... the costumes are AMAZING. The costumes literally make the whole side plot worth it to me. Literally I was just in awe by all the costumes during every single scene. And the set! The set’s fantastic too! I literally just paused every single second to take in all of the costumes. Do I care if the Canto Bight trip ended up pointless? Nope! Because it gave me some of Star Wars’ best costumes. Oh... to be an extra in the Canto Bight scene... Just show up... And put on a beautiful outfit... And do nothing else but pretend to drink, talk, and gamble... That’s the dream. Oh hi Mark Hamill! That was cute that they let him voice that little thing. I remember noticing the thing and being like “...is he important?” and nope, it’s just Mark doing an extra voice. Oh I love the Fathiers. Aww and it’s the little Force sensitive boy. I have thoughts about that kid that I can get into later. The way BB8 jingles with the coins. I love it.

Rey: *Does a move with her stick* Rey: *Does the same exact move with the lightsaber* Fanboys: She’s too good too fast! Mary Sue!

As I said throughout all of the Force Awakens, she’s just applying the skills she already had. If anything, a lightsaber’s easier since it’s half the length and she doesn’t have to worry about the back of it hitting her. LOL, remember when we thought this shot was an epic shot of Luke training her? Good times. Oh that poor fish nun. Everything Luke says about the Jedi is true (also did I not say they failed earlier in the post? Luke agrees with me). Rey’s right that a Jedi got Ani to come back from the dark side, but the Jedi’s system enabled him to turn in the first place. Soooooo yeah. Oh Luke. Don’t blame yourself. Kylo was already basically gone. Sure, seeing his uncle standing over him with a lightsaber definitely didn’t help... but it’s not the only thing that made him turn. Who is this captain of the medical ship? He looks familiar. (IMDB says he’s Danny Sapani. I probably recognized him from the Crown) Oh BB8. Finn, did you learn nothing from Rey? Put the cover back on the vent! Awww the Fathiers have such sad eyes... I love the Resistance ring. Can I buy one? Ok. The shot of the bubble egg lady singing felt like it was much longer the first time, but it’s really only a split second. I. LOVE. THE. CANTO. BIGHT. SET. I know it’s a real town in like Italy or somewhere near the Mediterranean. I want to go. I love it. I love that the first thing Luke does when he decides to use the Force again is to seek out Leia. Oh poor Adam became a meme after this. He just has a very wide and bulky body, ok? God Luke looks so scary in Kylo’s flashback. “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.” That reflection scene is so visually stunning. So in a way, it’s like Luke is failing Rey like he failed Ben. He’s not helping her in the way she needs, so she’s being lured by the dark side instead. I love the walls falling around Luke. “Did you do it? Did you create Kylo Ren?” Rey, he already told you earlier that he believes it’s his fault, so the answer from him is yes. I can’t remember if we hear this story of Luke and Kylo one more time after this or not. “Then he’s our last hope.” Ok ew. No. Kylo is not allowed to be compared to hope. Only Luke, Leia, or Obi-Wan can be. Oh for a second I thought that torch was a lightsaber. YODA!!!!! I think I had been spoiled for Yoda showing up. It was definitely still exciting though. “The sacred Jedi texts!” Oh Luke. Oh memes. Not as whiney as I remembered. “But that library contained nothing that the girl Rey does not already possess.” Because Yoda knows she stole the books. Oh Yoda. I love Yoda. Oh Rose. Ok, so I will give it to Poe that at this moment it doesn’t seem like Holdo has a good plan. Abandoning ship isn’t necessarily cowardly, but on the surface it does seem like it puts them in more danger. Literally earlier today I watched a video about the layout of the Millennium Falcon, and the escape pods were mentioned. And I thought to myself, wow that must be something from the novels since we’ve definitely never seen that in the movies. Welp... I was wrong... Rey’s in one now. I was about to be like “Do they not care that an escape pod just docked?” before I saw Kylo. LOL the iron coming down like a ship. I feel like I remember being completely terrified when Rey stepped in front of Snoke. Oh BB8. Bumping into stuff. I remember being super relieved that DJ (has he told us this is his name yet? I can’t remember) gave back the medallion. Captain Phasma! Hey girl hey! Leia shooting Poe is still funny to me. Also Lieutenant Billie Connix is smart.  I love the scene of Holdo and Leia saying goodbye. Also, Holdo’s purple hair with her bright blue eyes is super striking. Good choice. Snoke puts down the lightsaber. Unknowingly sealing his fate. Literally when Snoke reveals he connected their minds, I was like OF COURSE. Because the whole time I’m like neither of them are strong enough to do this. “She was more interested in protecting the light than she was seeming like a hero.” See. And that’s the flaw in both Poe and Finn. And Rey to an extent. They’re thinking about the big picture, but in context of smaller things like seeming like a hero, saving Rey, saving Kylo, etc. But Holdo’s thinking of only the big picture. I knew DJ betrayed them, I just forgot how badly.

And here’s another annoyance (which I was sorta trying to touch on earlier). Everyone hates the Canto Bight plot, yet they complain about Holdo trying to take charge. If Poe just let Holdo take charge and ignored Finn and Rose’s idea, then her plan would have been a complete success. No Canto Bight, no DJ to betray them, all the transports make it to Crait unnoticed, and the First Order eventually destroys a ship that’s empty except for Holdo. They complain about Holdo, but don’t think about the fact that Holdo could have prevented another plot they hated if the main characters had just listened to her.

And then Snoke hits Rey and literally puts the lightsaber back to where it will kill him. Ok literally I just misread a caption that said “Lord Vader” as “Lord Voldemort” and I was very confused. Taking a second to say that I love this set of Snoke’s throne room. Been thinking it forever, but Kylo picking up the lightsaber off the ground and seeing the reflection in the smooth red floor is amazing. Kylo igniting the lightsaber through Snoke is amazing. Also, I typed “Ben igniting” before literally freezing for a second and being like “...ok that’s a lot to unpack” I guess when he does something good my brain thinks of him as Ben instead of Kylo. ALSO, arm #16 and #17, I love that Snoke’s arms were cut off too in true Star Wars fashion. And I am VERY excited to see this fight scene again. I told myself not to pause at all during the Kylo and Rey team up fight, but I paused literally a second into it because Binary Sunset yes.

And my idiot brother and my mom are texting in the family group chat so it’s popping up on my screen throughout this scene. Ugh.

All of these red knight weapons are so cool. And I forgot about the one that gets chopped up... Oh my god one is a sword that transforms into a whip. LOVE. IT. And I love the quick lightsaber ignite through the head. Love it. Woah how is there still 44 minutes? I remember this battle being much closer to the end. I was wondering when the red walls went away, but I rewinded and saw that they had been slowly burning away after Rey made something hit them. Nice touch.

Ugh my brother and mom will not stop texting.

“You have no place in this story.” Wow Kylo, harsh. Oh shoot I forgot about the lightsaber breaking until they started their Force tug of war with it. I’d always wondered what would happen if someone lightsped through something... I want to say that I realized what she was doing before they told us, but now I realize that they basically told us what she would do when the First Order guy said “they’re preparing to hyperspeed.” so I guess I just caught on to the obvious hints.

God that moment still gives me chills. The silence. The way it sort of goes black and white. The multiple angles. So good.

I know for a fact that I spent the rest of the movie from this point on with my hands over my mouth in a constant stake of shock/fear/anxiety. Oh BB8. Some people thought this was ridiculous. But I had just spent the last few months rewatching the prequels before seeing this, and compared to the stuff R2 does, BB8 clumsily controlling a walker is nothing. Oh how I love Gwendoline Christie. I FORGOT THAT WE SAW HER EYE IN THE MASK. I hope Phasma survived. She’s so awesome. Ok my quality is like horrendous right now so I’m gonna refresh. LOL I FORGOT ABOUT GENERAL HUGS NEARLY ATTEMPTING TO KILL KYLO. Oh I forgot how much I love Crait as a set location. OH AND THE ICE DOG THINGS! LOVE THEM! Poe petting BB8 when he comes back kills me. I like those space age two person laptops. “People believe in Leia.” *Binary Sunset plays* My heart. Ok for a second I was like “This first person camera is like a war movie” and then it turns and we see the trench and I’m like “...ok... ok fine but that was very literal.” The red footsteps. Just... guys this set is so AMAZING. Ugh, these red streaks of dust behind them are so amazing. And when Finn passes in front of the camera, it gets covered in the dust and blurs part of the lens. Just like the Rathtar goo in the Force Awakens. I wonder if that’s going to be like... the thing of the sequels. One shot that has the camera lens partially covered by something. Also, I just wasted time trying to figure out if there’s an official name for that or not... oh well. The winding stripes left behind as they weave around... just... amazing. YEAH! GO CHEWIE! GO REY! Oh my god I forgot about the porg roaring. “Oh, they HATE that ship!” I’M DEAD. Look at the salt and how it forms the crystals in the trench. I love it. I FORGOT ABOUT THIS SHOT OF THE CAVE FULL OF THE RED SALT. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I remember when the trailer had the first shot of the gorilla walkers, and I didn’t notice at first that there were normal AT-ATs next to them, and then I realized these things were twice as big as AT-ATs and I was horrified. See, and now Poe has learned that you can’t always be a hero and is making a good decision. I forgot about Finn’s speeder literally melting as he gets closer. I don’t understand the people who were mad that Rose stopped Finn. I for one was HORRIFIED at just the thought of Finn dying this way and thankful she stopped him. “That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” The kiss is pointless but I love the line and sentiment behind it. Oh god. Ok. Here come the emotions. Binary Sunset is playing. I was a wreck. And a little of Han and Leia’s Love Theme as she sees the dice. I remember actually noticing that in the theaters and half-sobbing. Oh god the forehead kiss. Oh and he winks at 3PO as he walks by. My heart. This is the specific shot of the gorilla walkers and the AT-ATs in a line that freaked me out. That shot of Luke standing up against all the First Order walkers and ships. Amazing. That shoulder brush though. Kylo’s so dumb, he literally just watched that lightsaber get destroyed, he HELPED destroy it. He should have known something was up, it couldn’t have been repaired that quickly. Purposeful shot of Luke’s feet not moving the salt. That Matrix back bend though. “I will have killed the last Jedi.” He said the title. Also, is that the only time it’s said? Because they say it a lot in Force Awakens but I don’t think so yet in this movie.. “And I will not be the last Jedi.” Ok so now it’s said again by Luke. Purposeful shot of Kylo’s shoe leaving a footprint as he runs to Luke. I’m pretty sure I probably shrieked when he tried to slice Luke in half.

I just now remembered that I’d actually kind of wondered if he’d be a Force projection or something when he first showed up. Because I’d just watched Return of the Jedi like a week earlier and saw Obi-Wan do it, so I wondered if Luke was doing it too. Especially when Poe said Luke was distracting the First Order. It passed my mind and was confirmed when Kylo couldn’t hit him. And here’s where I started to feel like my world was crumbling...

Oh god. My eyes are wet. It hurts. But when I watched it the first time, I really felt like my world was absolutely falling a part and ending forever while I watched Luke die. With the stupid binary sunset in front of him just like when he was a teenager and when he was a baby. One of the first things he ever saw was the binary sunset. I was like “This is beautiful, but that doesn’t mean I’m not completely in pain and dying.” That shot from above of Kylo with the stormtroopers, mirroring a shot from the prequels of Ani. Nice. So do they still have that connection even if Snoke’s dead?

HEY! Hey. Those dice were still visible to Kylo even after Luke was dead... was Leia Force projecting them to Kylo? It wouldn’t take as much work as doing it to everyone else at once from lightyears away. One person, your son, would be easier. So maybe... maybe Leia’s the one continuing the projection of the dice. I’m gonna stick with that theory thanks.

Awww BB8 asked Rey about his antenna, just like when they first met. Remember when people were like “Are Poe and Rey gonna be a thing?!?!?” and of course I’d much prefer that over Reylo thanks. The books! Somehow, that obvious shot of the books goes over so many people’s heads. So many complaints about the books getting burned, when they literally show us that Rey saved them. I had never noticed the bunks in the Millennium Falcon either until I saw that video earlier, and I’m glad I got to actually see one in use since Rose is sleeping in one.

Oh GOD the entirety of the Resistance can fit on the Millennium Falcon... that is NOT good.

I LOVE the scene of the kids retelling the story of Luke. I must have already gone in depth about this 2 years ago, but I love it. Luke became a legend in the end. He didn’t necessarily want to be one, but he’s become one. It was exactly what was in the opening scroll, he restored the spark of hope. That subtle use of the Force by that little boy. With Binary Sunset playing. And I love that last shot of him holding the broom up like a lightsaber.

I nearly forgot that they put in “In loving memory of our princess, Carrie Fisher” at the end. That’s what got me to finally cry. 40 straight minutes of covering my mouth in anxiety, then feeling like my world was crashing down around me as Luke died. Having it dedicated to Carrie made me just start sobbing so hard. Watch that happen again tomorrow.

I remember when I left the theater, at first I was like “What if the boys is Rey’s brother?!” but then... I realized that a huge point of the movie went over my head for a second there.

The fandom got so caught up in figuring out who Rey’s parents are, whether it’s Obi-Wan or Luke or Leia or even Palpatine, that they were mad when Kylo said they were no one. But like... guys... not every single Force user is related to the Skywalkers or anyone else we already know. There were hundreds of Jedi in the prequels, because anyone can be Force sensitive. Obi-Wan’s parents were nobody, Qui-Gon’s parents were nobody, Mace’s parents were nobody. They didn’t come from long lines of Force users (at least in movie lore), BECAUSE THE JEDI WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO HAVE KIDS. The Skywalkers aren’t even a long line, it’s just 3 generations at this point. So literally none of the Jedi of the past came from powerful Force users (or at least from ones who got the chance to become Jedi) since that literally goes against the code.

Luke found at least 11 other Force sensitive kids to train alongside Ben, their parents were all definitely nobodies since he’s the last Jedi. Ben is an anomaly, Luke and Leia are anomalies, the Jedi don’t have kids! The fandom got so caught up in figuring out who Rey could be related to, that they forgot that for millennia the individual Jedi were not related to anyone.

Anyone can be Force sensitive. Anyone can be a Jedi. Rey is an example of that. That little boy is an example of that. That’s why I love that the little Force sensitive boy was the final shot of the movie. He was meant to reassure and remind us after the Rey parentage reveal that anyone can end up Force sensitive. They don’t need a famous/powerful parent. They can come from anywhere and be anyone. And I love that that’s the final note of this movie.

Some people were not reassured. Some people couldn’t handle the idea that Rey’s powerful just because she’s Rey, not because she’s someone’s daughter. She HAS to be related to someone to be that powerful, right? But every Jedi before her who was just as powerful wasn’t related to anyone, so why does she have to be?

ANYWAY! I was actually worried over the last 2 years that I’d rewatch The Last Jedi and not like it as much as I did in theaters. I still like it a lot. Even the Canto Bight scenes get redeemed by the costumes and the set being so amazing. But I love the message of don’t be a hero, this is bigger than just you. And I love the message that even if you’re “nobody” from “nowhere” you could still be Force Sensitive and you could still be a Jedi. I love Luke’s send off, I love that he does end up reigniting the spark and being a beam of hope again. I love it.

And I’m excited to see the Rise of Skywalker tomorrow.

[the-dubstep-strawberry]

OC Interview: Margot de Havilland

Rules:

1. Choose an OC

2. Answer them as that OC

3. Tag 5 people to do the same!

Tagged by @thegreatdivide, thank you darling <3

Tagging: @solesurvivorkat, @itsmesaberaltered and @ladynyxeris​!

1. What is your name? Margot de Havilland. I was Margot Fontaine, before I got married. My husband always used to call me Nora... that’s my middle name. Nobody else gets to call me that, though. Don’t even think about it.

2. Do you know why are you named that? My middle name was a family name, but I’m not sure if there’s a story behind my first name. I guess my parents just liked it.

3. Are you single or taken? Widowed. But seeing someone...

4. Have any abilities or powers? I can drink an uncanny amount of alcohol and barely feel a thing. Mostly. I can hold my breath underwater for a good long while. Not a bad sniper, either. And I’m good with computers. People say I’m good with words too, but I’m not so sure about that part.

5. Stop being a Mary Sue. I’m more of a mess than a Mary Sue, but okay, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

6. What’s your eye color? Brown. Probably one of the few things about me that hasn’t changed since I got out of the Vault.

7. How about your hair color? Dark brown. Yes, it’s natural. No gray hairs, and believe me, nobody is more surprised about that than I am.

8. Have any family members? My family used to be a lot bigger, put it that way. I lost my dad in the Sino-American War - he was shot down over Anchorage. My mom worked for RobCo, but I never found out what happened to her after the bombs dropped. I had a little sister, Peggy... she and her husband were supposed to have a place in a Vault, but they lived in the D.C. area and I heard it got hit pretty hard. I suppose I’ll never know if they made it in time.

I’m guessing my in-laws are gone now. They lived here in the Commonwealth and I’ve never been able to find any trace of them. Nate had some family in West Virginia - some uncles and an aunt, and his cousins, Alice and Darnell. I’m assuming they’re gone too. If any of them did make it into a Vault, I doubt they were lucky enough to get frozen.

As for my husband, and my son... well, I’m sure you’ve heard about what happened to them by now. No sense in opening up old wounds.

But I still have a family. I have little Shaun, and Codsworth, and Dogmeat - and more brothers and sisters than I can count in the Brotherhood of Steel. I’m also lucky enough to have some good friends out here. Nick, Piper, Deacon, Curie, and the others... they’re as good as family in my book.

9. Oh? How about pets?

Good old Dogmeat. He’s the best dog I could ever have asked for. I ran into him on my first day out of the Vault, outside the old Red Rocket station - he’s stuck by my side ever since.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like? Raiders. Gunners. Having date night interrupted. Walking home in the rain. Deathclaws. Ann Codman. The list just goes on and on...

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do? I used to read a lot. Don’t have much time for reading novels these days, the Minutemen and Brotherhood keep me pretty busy between them, but I try to read a bedtime story to Shaun every night.

Uh, what else? I like cooking, dancing, listening to music, fixing things... collecting things from before the Great War. Sometimes I’ll head on over to the other settlements to trade, help out, make sure everyone’s doing okay. Sturges and I are working on a new robotics project, that’s going pretty well. Oh, and I like watching old movies. I’m hoping to head on over to the Starlight Drive-In again, now that they’ve got their projector back up and running - I promised Shaun I’d take him to see the Grognak the Barbarian movie.

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before? Probably. But honestly, I try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. There’s enough suffering out here without me adding to the pile.

13. Ever… killed anyone before? Kellogg, but he had it coming. I also heard a rumor that I’m top of the Gunners’ hit list after all my run-ins with them. I’d tell you the bounty, but I’m worried you might be tempted to take a shot at me yourself if you heard how much they’re willing to pay for my head. And I’m kind of amazed that we haven’t run out of Raiders yet - God knows I’ve killed enough of those bastards. You’d think they’d take the hint, wouldn’t you?

And of course there’s the little matter of destroying the Institute... but that’s kind of personal. I’d rather not relive that experience right now, if you don’t mind. Next question?

14. What kind of animal are you? The other girls in my sorority used to call me a party animal. Does that count?

15. Name your worst habits? I worry about drinking too much. Whiskey can get to be a nasty habit. And then there’s the cursing. And the insubordination. Elder Maxson once publicly called me a pain in the ass. He’s probably not wrong. I don’t exactly set out to do it, but... I don’t know. I guess I never did let go of a grudge easily.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all? There was nobody I admired more than my dad when I was a kid. He was my hero. And then there was Nate... he went through so much for the sake of our family. Elder Maxson was someone I admired for a long time - although that was before the incident with Danse. If I had to pick someone now? I’d say Danse, or Preston. They’re both natural leaders, and they’re two of the best people I know. Or Nick. He’s been a good friend to me, probably a better one than I deserve. He helped to keep me on the straight and narrow when I was really in danger of going off the rails... one of these days, I’ll have to tell him how much I appreciate that.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual? Rather a personal question, don’t you think?

18. Do you go to school? No, I did my time in law school. And then there was boot camp with the Brotherhood. I think I’ve had enough formal instruction for a while.

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day? I tried that, and it didn’t exactly work out well for me. Although - I don’t know. I’m trying my best to be a good mom to Shaun. Perhaps marriage will be on the cards one day, if D- uh, never mind. I’m getting ahead of myself here. Forget I said anything.

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys? I think Preston gets a little starry-eyed around the General of the Minutemen. Not that I’m not flattered, but I don’t think I’m the legendary warrior he thinks I am. Hey, he picked me to be in charge. He should be the one getting all the praise in this outfit.

21. What are you most afraid of? Dying out in the wastes somewhere and never getting to say goodbye. Or being trapped underground. I don’t like caves, or those old Vaults I keep running across. Two hundred and ten years underground is more than enough, thank you very much.

22. What do you usually wear? Uniform and armor of some kind. Minutemen, Brotherhood, depends who I’m helping that day. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the first one in line for pretty dresses at the clothing vendors, but I’m not sure why I waste the caps... I don’t really get to wear any of them them unless I have some downtime at home. And that’s quite a luxury these days.

23. What’s one food that tempts you? I’ve been known to pretend that we’re out of blue-frosted Fancy Lad Snack Cakes, so I can keep at least one for myself... sorry, Shaun. I’ll make it up to you, buddy.

24. Am I annoying to you? Not really. Although I don’t have all day to chat. Can we wrap this up soon?

25. Well, it’s still not over! I’ll take that as a no, shall I?

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)? Lower-middle, I guess, although I think my mother-in-law cared more about that sort of thing than I ever did. Not that any of that matters any more, unless you’re in the Upper Stands and don’t have any actual problems to worry about...

27. How many friends do you have? More than I had before the war, if you can believe it. There’s Preston, Sturges, Nick, Piper, Cait, Curie, Deacon, MacCready, Hancock, Haylen... and Danse, of course. Danse is very dear to me.

28. What are your thoughts on pie? That damn perfectly-preserved pie in the vending machines. I swear to God it’s taunting me. I’m thinking about smashing the next one open if it doesn’t pay out on me this time. Although I wonder how exactly it’s being preserved so well... some of those Pre-War additives were kind of dicey. Knowing my luck, it’ll probably dissolve into a pile of mold the minute it’s exposed to air.

29. Favorite drink? Nuka-Cola. Whiskey if I’m off-duty. It used to be champagne, but try tracking down a bottle of that nowadays!

30. What’s your favorite place? Sanctuary Hills. There really is no place like home.

31. Are you interested in anyone? Well, there is a certain handsome man in Power Armor that I’ve been seeing for a while now...

32. That was a stupid question… I’ve been told it’s terribly obvious.

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean? They’re both irradiated. I think I’d prefer to stay out of the water until we can do something about that.

34. What’s your type? Handsome military men. Tragic past optional.

35. Any fetishes? Not really. Nate was more of the adventurous type in the bedroom than I was. Although I did give burlesque dancing a try once. That was.... quite an experience.

36. Camping or outdoors? I never was much of an outdoors girl. I’d prefer to be at home in my own bed.

[ecofinisher]

The Adventures of Super Nathan 2 - Chap. 4

Chapter 4

I forgot to mention Raiden is an OC of mine. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18224606/chapters/43603667

https://www.wattpad.com/717482694-miraculous-the-adventures-of-super-nathan-2-friday

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13243294/4/Miraculous-The-Adventures-of-Super-Nathan-2

In the evening Adrien and Kagami went out with Mr. D’Argencourt and Mrs. Tomoe Tsurugi to a German restaurant in Berlin meeting all the other participants of the fencing tournament they finished a few hours ago.

Kagami stood together with her mother having a drink chatting together in their mother language followed by Mrs. Tsurugi pass her hand on Kagami’s cheek expressing out something making the blue-haired girl blush.

“Arigato oka-san,” Kagami said to her mother, which smiled at the young girl.

Adrien hung out together with the German fencing student Ulrich drinking a glass of Orange Juice, while the brunette drank one filled with coke.

“What do you think of Berlin?” Questioned the German descendant boy. “Did you like it?”

“It’s interesting” Responded Adrien. “We couldn’t see a lot at the moment, because our hotel was far away from the center and it didn’t work out for Mr. D’Argencourt and Kagami’s mother”

“Oh and what about Kagami?” Questioned Ulrich. “Did she had time?”

“She did, but her mother didn’t want her to go out alone with me. She was afraid something would happen to us”

“Okay my mom is usually that worried too, but she got used to it and knows I’ll be alright since I’m around my coach” “I can’t believe four years ago my father didn’t even allow me to go to school or anyone else, cause he was afraid to lose me in an accident or somehow else”

“That’s rough, buddy”

“Just as my maman got back to our family every went back to normal. Things like going to school, visit the fencing academy or watch a movie I could go as long as my bodyguard would be present and drive me back and forth” “At least everything is fine now,” Ulrich said watching Adrien slurp the last bit of his juice away, then placed the glass on a tableau of a waiter, that just passed by.

“Hey those salmon rolls look delicious,” Ulrich said watching another waiter pass by with a tablet filled with salmon rolls filled with white Cantadou, which the waiter exchanged on a table with another tableau, which was empty.

“They do indeed,” Adrien said licking his lips as he observed a red-headed girl take one roll to eat it.

“Shall I get you one too?” Questioned Ulrich.

“No it’s fine, I’ll get one later. First I have to go to the restrooms. Excuse me”

“No problem” The blonde walked across the hall, where the various table stood with the variety of snacks and aperitifs the buffet had for the guests to eat. Adrien reached the corridor of the restrooms and the door opened at the side by itself, so that Adrien could walk in without doing anything more, then the Frenchman stopped in front of a urinal opening the zipper of his pants leaning closer to the plumbing fixture adjusting his boxers and pants there, afterward he started to pee.

“Ah I’m feeling much better now” Adrien sighed in relief continuing to pee. In the boys’ restrooms entered someone, which walked to the urinals and stood right next to Adrien making him roll his eyes a little annoyed as he recognized the person next to him was Raiden Soto, the one who won the competition.

Adrien fixed his pants and closed the zipper, then walked off the urinal, which flushed by itself as the sensor sensed no one in front of it, then Raiden observed the boy stopping at the lavatories to wash his hands.

“Hey loser, you’re ashamed of something?” Questioned the Japanese boy watching Adrien passing his hand under the soap dispenser, then it spouted out a white liquid which Adrien ribbed together with his hands while avoiding eye contact with the other fencing student. “How is it to be second place, must be great,” Raiden said watching Adrien’s face reflection on the mirror over the lavatories change from distressed into an angry one.

“You didn’t deserve to win that prize Raiden. You cheated and you know it!” The blonde spits it out turning around to look at the raven-haired boy. “I felt how you grabbed me on my hand, even Ulrich and Parker from the third-place match saw it”

“Oh your fanboys you mean?” Questioned Raiden closing the opening of his pants leaving the urinal and making his way towards Adrien.

“They’re not fanboys, they’re two friends I made here.”

“Interesting, that’s why they believed your lie of me grabbing your arm when I didn’t even touch you”

“Are you calling me a liar?” Questioned Adrien raising his left eyebrow.

“And you believe me I should trust your two friends about me having cheated at the match?”

“Maybe not them, but Kagami…..she was present at our last combat. She definitely saw it. Why don’t we both ask her to confirm this story?” Adrien smirked at Raiden, which crossed his arms copying Adrien’s facial expression.

“Tsurugi, right?”

“Yeah” Replied Adrien. “She told me about you. That you were skilled and very competitive”

“Oh she told me about it?” Asked Raiden surprised. “That sounds delightful”

“We saw you this morning sitting inside the bus, that’s why I knew this”

“Too bad, I thought she had any interest in me”

“Why should she be interested in you. She told me, when she joined your fencing academy in Japan you were always making her life a hell, until she started to get better and defeat you”

“You know Adriàn”

“Adrien...” Corrected Adrien watching Raiden walk a the lavatories to wash his hands with soap.

“Whatever…...Kagami, you know….she’s a very special girl. She’s different from all the other girls I know from school. She’s beautiful...she’s strong...she’s….”

“You sound like you have a crush on her”

“Crush?” Questioned Raiden. “I love this girl!” Raiden corrected making Adrien wrinkle his eyebrows annoyed with the boy.

“Too bad. I think she won’t reciprocate if you would tell her how you feel now”

“We haven’t seen us for two years, but she would be happy to know if I still haven’t forgotten about her”

“You’re sure about it?” Questioned Adrien making Raiden roll his eyes up perplexed at Adrien’s question, then Raiden wide his eyes as he realized, what Adrien probably meant.

“You’re in love with her too!” Raiden said loud. “That’s why I saw you this morning looking at her like you had something for her!”

“Of course I am in love with her, I’m her…..”

“You would never stand a chance in getting out with her” Raiden said. “You’re weak”

“Weak?” Asked Adrien raising his eyebrow again, then wrinkled his eyebrows down again. “You’re the weak one. You’re trying to finish me off and therefore you cheated at the tournament and called me a liar”

Raiden punched Adrien on his face causing him to hit with his back on the lavatories. “Hey!” Shouted Adrien angry followed by Raiden pushing him down on the floor by his shoulder.

“Get up loser and fight like a man,” Raiden said watching the blonde on the ground moving his head up to look at him with an evil smile. “Come”

At the entrance of the restrooms entered Ulrich followed by Parker, then both saw Adrien lying on the floor looking shocked and behind him stood Raiden, which had moved his head at the entrance.

“Uhm and that’s how Karate works,” Raiden said walking quickly off at the exit, which then blocked Ulrich to avoid the Japanese boy to pass by.

“Where are you going?” Questioned the German descendant boy.

“Dude, you’re alright?” Asked the black-haired boy helping the blonde up.

“I’m fine” Responded Adrien passing his hand on his face, then Parker looked serious at Raiden along with Ulrich.

“Let him go Ulrich,”

“But...”

“Just do what I say Ulrich. Don’t waste your time on that idiot”

Ulrich took his arm away keeping to glare at the raven-haired fencing champion, which adjusted the black dress shirt he wore and left the restroom without a word.

“What was he trying to do to you?” Asked Ulrich approaching the blonde buy. “I saw him entering into the restroom and asked Parker to come with me in case he would start any problems with you”

“He just wanted to piss me off. He called me a loser and I called him out about his cheating, he tried to bully me and in the end, he pushed me against the lavatories”

“We should tell it, someone,”

“No, it’s alright. I only see him this day and then I won’t see him until the next competition maybe,”

“Yeah and that time we all will kick him out quicker of the tournament than you can say Tschechisches Streichholzschächtelchen,” Ulrich said making Adrien and Parker look confused at the German boy.

“I only got Tch….tsch…..tsch” The Swede said making the German boy laugh. Adrien observed the two boys laughing and thought about, what Raiden said about Kagami.

Keep reading at: 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18224606/chapters/43603667

https://www.wattpad.com/717482694-miraculous-the-adventures-of-super-nathan-2-friday

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13243294/4/Miraculous-The-Adventures-of-Super-Nathan-2

[evenstevensranked]

#11: Season 3, Episode 11 - “Hardly Famous”

An off-brand Harry Connick Jr. comes to town and holds auditions at LJH for a new performing arts school! Seeking change in her life, Tawny decides to audition and kills it! Louis’ world crumbles around him at the thought of her transferring -- to the point where he’d do anything to get into that school. ANYTHING...

This one opens with a handsome and famous guy by the name of Barry Hudson Jr. (who’s definitely supposed to be a “Great Value” Harry Connick Jr.), arriving at LJH in a freaking chopper lol. Of course, Ren is right there alongside Principal Wexler to welcome him! We learn that he’s there in search of talented recruits for a new performing arts school dubbed the Sacramento Arts Conservatory for Creative Youth a.k.a. “SACCY” (pronounced “sassy,” of course.) This is a very important moment because Barry asks Ren if she’ll be auditioning and she says “Um, no. I wish I could, but auditions are only for 7th and 8th graders,” yet Ren is still a student at Lawrence. This is subtly confirming once again that LJH does, in fact, include grades 7th-9th! Meaning Louis and his friends have moved up to 8th grade. I wonder why they never made a big deal about that or acknowledged it clearly? I feel like it would’ve been a good plot point for an episode or at least a passing comment like “We’re EIGHTH GRADERS NOW, guys! We’re no longer the Scrubs of the school. We’ve got the fancy bathroom with assorted toiletries!” I could totally see Louis saying something like that as a callback to Easy Crier, lol. Oh well. The common misconception that they stay in 7th grade for the whole series lives on... 

Hello, Not Harry Connick Jr. Nice to meet you! 

Ren is scheduled to be Barry’s “coordinator” for the duration of his stay, I mean... who else?! Actually, I’ll tell ya who else... State Senator Eileen Stevens shows up outta nowhere and gushes over Barry, claiming to be his biggest fan. Ren claims to be a big fan too, which is kinda weird? If he is based on Harry, he would’ve been around 36 at this point in his career and Ren is like... 15. But then again, Wexler mentioned that Barry is a Broadway star and we know that Ren is into opera and theater. So, maybe that makes sense. Anyway, Eileen mentions that she sponsored the bill that funded SACCY which is pretty cool imo, but she ends up fangirling and offers to give Barry a tour of the school as an excuse to spend time with him because she’s State Senator Eileen Stevens and can do whatever she wants.

It cuts to Tawny and Tom in the hallway chatting about SACCY. Tom’s planning on auditioning with a tap dance routine, but Tawny says he should sing instead because that’s really his “strength.” We’ll get to THAT later, lol. Tom is excited about the idea of going to school with ~sophistated artistic~ kids. Tawny tries to argue that there are kids like that at Lawrence, but right about then is when Louis and Twitty come walking over holding a “gum blob” made up of used gum they’ve collected from every nook and cranny around the school. Very sophisticated, indeed. Needless to say, Tawny and Tom are disgusted. 

Tawny and Tom both tossed the blob into the air after realizing how many diseases it might be carrying and Louis is about to have a heart attack. Also this screenshot makes it look like Shia doesn’t have legs below the knee? I’m perplexed. 

At lunch that day, Louis is taunting Tom about wanting to go to SACCY and how embarrassing it would be. Twitty agrees and says “Everyone in that school is gonna be walking around in tights and feathered caps! Does that sound like fun?!” Tom slowly replies “Well..... What color’s the feather?” which cracks me up. There’s an immediate collective groan from Louis and Twitty which is great. Tawny defends Tom’s desire to attend a school where people “appreciate the beautiful things in life,” which... being talented and going to an arts school isn’t a prerequisite to appreciating the beautiful things in life but ok. Louis says that he finds used gum beautiful and Tawny has had enough.

It cuts to the audition room where everyone is setting up. Eileen returns with Barry after giving him that school tour which ran overtime because she didn’t know where anything was. Wow! Eileen also took this opportunity to invite Barry to dinner. Yikes! 

The auditions start up and we get a montage. Louis and Twitty are sitting in to support Tom, but spend their time making fun of the other auditioners while they wait. You might’ve seen these gifs floating around the interwebz: 

As you can see in the first one, Tawny is so over their antics. I love how they’re not even discreet about it tho?! Like, what the heck that’s so obnoxious to do while someone’s auditioning -- especially in a small classroom. I would’a kicked them outta there so fast!

It’s finally Tom’s turn to audition and Doris (who is played by Fred Meyers’ real-life mom, btw!!) is there to accompany him on piano lol. He performs “Dear Old Dad” which is about wanting to marry a girl who is just like your mom. Oh, my lord. Tom’s relationship with Doris is such a strange one. I can’t tell if it’s innocent or a ridiculously inappropriate obvious in-joke like Miranda Sings and Uncle Jim. Either way, he completely butchers the song and it’s fantastic. Part of me always assumed it was a song written for the show and the other part of me always hoped it was a real song. I never bothered to google it until today and I’m oddly happy to discover that it’s legit. After the audition, Tom casually says “So long, suckers!” as he walks off arrogant as all heck arm n’ arm with Doris. He thinks he’s got it in the bag. I can’t. Remember how Tawny said that singing is what Tom is best at? Imagine being so untalented that singing horribly is your strong suit.

It had to be gif’d because Tom is always quality content. 

Louis and Twitty are about to peace out now that Tom’s audition is over, when suddenly... Tawny’s name is called as the next auditioner. AWWWWW, SNAP!!!! The slopski’s hit the fanski now, guys. The juicy drama has arrived. Tawny’s auditioning for the theater department and explains that her reasoning for doing so is because she’s “ready for a change.” Twitty is all “Dude, I think she’s serious,” and Louis retorts “OH, YA THINK SO?!” I love sarcastic Louis, man. 

Tawny proceeds to perform the most melodramatic monologue from fictional production “Fried Green Magnolias” HAHA. (An obvious humorous combination of the films Fried Green Tomatoes and Steel Magnolias.) I have no idea how Margo Harshman kept a straight face when she hits the reveal “...he wasn’t just a turtle. He was my best friend” line. To be honest though, this scene is a great example of the stark contrast between the talent Disney Channel was churning out back then in comparison to now. Margo is playing a character within a character who’s also playing a character in this scene and she is selling the hell out of it. Whereas newer Disney actors can’t even pull off a regular ‘ol crying scene without looking like they’re laughing. So, yeah. Tawny kills the audition and everyone’s raving about her performance. Louis is immediately torn up about Tawny wanting to leave LJH and the fact that she’s pretty much a lock to get into the school. 

My heart. 

Louis approaches Tawny later that day and congratulates her on a great audition, but he’s clearly itching to know why the heck she wants to leave when Louis ~the love of her life~ Stevens is right in front of her, damn it! But of course, he’s not gonna come right out and ask that. Tawny is pretty dead set on transferring if she gets in. Louis beats around the bush saying things like “You realize what you’ll be leaving behind, right....? Like... Pizza Stick Thursday! And, ya know that water fountain on the 2nd floor? The water isn’t even brown anymore, IT’S JUST TAN!” Tawny is unimpressed and says that it’s gonna take a little more than “almost clear water” to make her stay. I always got a kick outta this, lol. She explains that she wants to be around people who care about things. So, basically, her decision was motivated by being fed up with Louis’ immaturity. You can tell that Louis is crushed about this. I love it. We’ve seen time and time again that Tawny’s opinion means the world to him. 

It cuts to dinner that night at the Stevens house where Barry Hudson Jr. makes his grand appearance. Eileen and Ren are dressed to the nines and continuing to fawn over Barry. The best part of this bit is when Steve finishes preparing cheese and crackers and announces “I just cut some cheese in the kitchen. Why don’t we all go in there!” I love Tom Virtue. The tables eventually turn though when Barry recognizes Steve as Steve “Stiffy” Stevens (which is definitely another innuendo) from his football days when he played for Michigan State. Apparently, that’s Barry’s alma mater and now he’s the one totally fanboying. 

The dinner turns into a nostalgic football sesh between Barry and Steve, leaving Ren and Eileen totally ostracized lol. Louis interrupts and pulls Ren aside to talk. This is really where the episode starts tugging at the heartstrings. Louis pretty much begs for her to help him get an audition for SACCY. Ren immediately knows that the real reason he wants to audition is because of Tawny, she thinks it’s sweet of him -- but all of the slots are already taken. Louis will not take no for an answer and we get one of the greatest moments that foreshadowed Shia LaBeouf’s future. He shouts “JUST DO IT, REN! If ya say ya can, ya can!!!” I made a Vine about this and it was my Vine claim to fame with nearly 1M loops. *takes a bow.*

Ren ends up working some magic and gets Louis an audition the next day. Oh, man. This is so great. Louis drags Twitty into it and the two do a totally improvised interpretive dance narrated by Tom. Tom also has an incredible line before they start the audition: “I’d just like to take this opportunity to say that although I was not selected to attend SACCY, I bear no ill will towards Barry Hudson Jr. or any member of his family.” He says it in the most menacing and creepy voice. TOM IS THE BEST. Louis and Twitty begin their audition and, well... It’s one for the books...

I’ve flip-flopped over how I feel about this scene. I used to be in absolute stitches, then I thought it was cringy for a while, but now I’m back to dying laughing. This is definitely one of the best moments ever, lol. Doris rocked that banjo solo. 

Tawny is me when she witnesses the audition and accepts the fact that she’s unconditionally in love with Louis and the great lengths he’ll go to in order to stay close to her. She kinda melts there for a sec. Same. 

Later that day, Louis comes to terms with Tawny possibly leaving and decides to be mature about it and wish her good luck. But Tawny lies and says she didn’t get in. “It’s okay. I don’t mind staying here with.... my friends. :)” she coos, and the emotional piano kicks in as Tawny heads outside to catch her ride home. I’d like to point out that Tawny has a goofy picture of Louis in her locker here. Precious. She also has a photo of her and Popular Mute Tad Taylor from the Sadie Hawkins Dance too! As well as a photo of the first show The Twitty-Stevens Connection played together. Ahh. I love these tiny details. Again, it makes the show’s universe feel more authentic. 

Just then, Louis runs into Ren and rants to her about Barry Hudson Jr. not knowing what talent is! (“Uhhh... You really stunk up there,” / “No, no, no. Not me! Tawny!”) hahahahaha. He’s so confused as to why she didn’t get in because “her audition was awesome.” Ren agrees and discloses “yeah, that’s why she got accepted. But she told me she wasn’t going...” Louis puts two and two together and runs after Tawny in true rom-com fashion. I’m a sucker for this. He catches her right as she’s getting into her mom’s car and the lil lovebirds share an ~emotional~ glance across the parking lot.

THE MOST UNDERRATED DISNEY CHANNEL PAIRING OF ALL TIME RIGHT HERE!!!! What a love story, tbh.

And that’s it!

The final minute bit is Louis deciding to give up the gum blob and pass it down to Beans. Undoubtedly because owning a gum blob is immature and Tawny makes Louis wanna be a better man basically. Gotta love dat development. 

Note the sad clown painting on Louis’ wall! He painted that back in Season 2′s “Ren-Gate.” Such a small detail I never noticed before. Love it!  

This was always one of my favorites. I love this episode. Mainly because of the Louis/Tawny storyline, of course. I thoroughly enjoy seeing hopeless and confused Louis here doing everything in his power to stay close to Tawny and ultimately grow up a bit in the end. The dinner with Barry is probably the lowest point, but it doesn’t go on for too long so I’m not bothered by it. This is just a solid episode all around. It’s got character development, ace comedy, emotional weight, and a few great quotes! 

Thanks for reading! We’re officially hitting the Top 10 now and I cannot believe it. Wow. 

Don’t forget about the Disqus comment section below ;) 

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[dropintomanga]

Post Anime NYC – On Women and Their Impact on My Life

2017 is a year I will always remember with regards to anime conventions. The Bay Area finally received an anime convention in Crunchyroll Expo, that looks to spearhead the next generation of anime fans. And finally after 7 long years, New York has a new place to call home for many anime fans in the form of Anime NYC. After going through 3 days of non-stop walking, talking, & hanging out, I had a blast being around friends (old and new). But it was also one of the most emotionally exhaustive experiences in my life. It brings me back 6 years ago when a certain someone came into my life and how my blogging life suddenly became quite a journey that went beyond blogging.

Around late summer 2011, I tweeted at a random Twitter user who loved Tiger & Bunny. She happened to be a Japanese woman who lived in New York. We actually chatted online for a bit. One day, we decided to meet up in person. A date was scheduled and it was after her trip to Comiket, as she liked to draw doujinshi. Before the meetup, she said she would get me Gintama merchandise from Japan for me. I said "Sure." We met for lunch at Kinokuniya NYC and we hit it off right away.  The two of us fangirled/fanboyed over anime/manga series that had huge homoerotic undertones. I even introduced her to a few of my friends. All of this was really unexpected and I felt lucky. We then started going to NYCC and other conventions together and grew closer as the years went on. We always texted each other every day. I never thought I would have a close friend/companion that listened to me a lot during that time and vice versa.

That big old post I made about the power of fujoshi back in 2012. That was largely inspired by her.

Around 2015, things changed slowly. I think I was starting to have feelings for her, but I was so confused over what to do. We were at Otakon that year and things felt off. She then said she felt guilty for bringing me with her because I looked depressed out in Baltimore like I didn't want to be there. She also said she wanted to do separate hotel rooms if Otakon 2016 was a possibility as we always shared a room together. I was confused and told her that I was happy to be at Otakon with her. Later around October 2015, I was physically harassed by a male employee because I made his job more complicated than it needed to be. He pushed me aside, thought I was trying to make his life miserable, and threatened to watch over me. I reported the incident to my supervisor and the president. They didn't punish him since no one saw what happened. I quit about a week later because I didn't feel safe there.

My relationship with my friend slowly deteriorated. She said she wanted a time out early summer. I said sure and that she can talk if anything. She said that it wasn't what I was thinking. Around that time, I was unemployed. I mostly did a volunteer gig, helping out NAMI. I slowly began to think that she wanted me to die because I was an annoyance in her life. One night, I had enough and wanted to kill myself. I put up a tweet saying that I had enough. I couldn't take it anymore, yet I didn't do anything. A fellow fan on Twitter actually called the cops for me and they came over to my house after midnight. I felt so stupid afterwards. I actually told my friend what I tried to do and she told me that she felt that she was in the way of me developing new relationships with other people. She didn't want me to like her romantically. I called her on the phone to talk and we made up. I thought we were good again.

She wanted a time out a couple of months later. I agreed. Then the big U.S. Presidential election came and I wanted to talk. She said to not talk to her unless I wanted her to say something harsh. I then made the big mistake of contacting her with a large email about a whole bunch of things and she replied back saying that she wasn't my mom and that I was a crybaby who blames everything and needs to grow up. She did tell me to take care of myself more. I wanted to say more, but she didn't want any of it. I left it as is. However, I was so angry that she called me a crybaby. I never asked to be that way because of my mental illness. I didn't know how to process her not being in my life and I made another mistake in continuing to bother her around early January. She then blocked me.

Around that time, I bought a Humble Bundle PC game set that included the game VA-11 Hall-A. For anyone who's played the game, you know it's a bartender-simulation game. Behind it was a story about life and reconciliation. The story behind the main character, Jill, got to me as she broke it off with her ex-girlfriend, Lenore, years ago before her bartender job. Lenore's sister, Gabriella, came by after 3 years of no contact to let Jill know that Lenore was dead. She blamed Jill for everything. One night, Jill gets a letter from Gabriella saying that she wanted to talk in person to clear things up. Jill becomes hesistant to talk, but one of her friends said to her that the fact that Gabriella wants to talk means she's trying to give Jill a chance and that if Jill avoided her, Gabriella would hate her for life. The game got to me.

I wrote an apology email to my now-ex-friend, saying that I wanted to work things out. She replied by saying that friendships all end at some point and she didn't want me to contact her in any way, shape, or form. She also said that if I try to see her, she would call for legal protection. This was back in January of this year.

This ex-friend was at Anime NYC, working at Artists' Alley. I was up there with a female friend, saw her, and told my friend to go somewhere alongside Artists' Alley. She got the message since she knew my situation. She encouraged me to be in a good mood since I suddenly felt like I had an anxiety attack. I knew that there was a chance of seeing her since we both loved anime and manga a lot. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. I did go back to Artists' Alley by myself to buy stuff, but I just avoided her because of the threat. The female friend who was there for me at Anime NYC texted me throughout the con asking if I was okay when we weren't together because she sensed how fragile I looked.

To tell you the truth, after that January, I thought about quitting the entire anime/manga community entirely. I had enough. Was it really worth it going through all this pain for fandom? I realized that I was trying to chase my own happiness at the cost of someone else's. I know people get told that everyone should strive for their own happiness, but I think some of that advice is a big fucking pile of horse shit because most people decide to hurt others without thinking about them by chasing after happiness. That's why I cut off my social media accounts for a while, but slowly came back. Going to Crunchyroll Expo was a big life saver for me since I didn't have to deal with potential East Coast drama. It was a new and different environment that I needed to be in.

At Anime NYC, I went to a panel called "Cosplay with Disabilities" on Saturday. It was very heavy as you can guess. They talked about not being judged by those who will never get you. I was going to bawl because there's a part of me that felt I was being judged all those months ago. But I was conflicted because I know I messed up the friendship. Some of my friends that knew about my ex-friend asked "Why would you still to talk to someone who indirectly made you want to kill yourself?" I wonder that myself. But I believe in the potential of people to redeem themselves, including myself.

I could avoid her, yeah. But I've come to realize that to avoid her is to basically get rid of a huge part of me that she helped unleash – my interest in embracing my love for 2D men, being sexually ambiguous, and wanting to do cosplay of female characters that I like. Around her, I was the real me. I was truly myself around her.  A "me" that I've been accepting more and more over the years. She did something that I wish I can pay her back in some way. I still treasure the memories we had together over the years.

I'm a beta male deep down. I didn't mind girly things when I was little. I recalled watching The Little Mermaid on CBS in junior high with no worries, but when I told one boy that I liked it, he was like "Really?" with a look of disgust. I think that made me want to keep my feminine interests hidden in order not to be teased. Almost all of my best friends are women. Some of the current ones I have are all in the anime/manga fandom. I never found myself comfortable among alpha males. I had an alpha colleague who was always talking about Japanese prostitutes because I follow the adult film industry sometimes, but I found his talk so uncomfortable because I just absolutely hate talking about porn with most men. I actually like talking about it with women and they in return tell me some really dirty (and good) jokes, even better than men's.

I've been so influenced by the women that it's not even funny. My mother influenced me to learn how to cook, a woman influenced me to cosplay, a woman influenced me to do blogging, etc. I get harem jokes and sometimes I get flustered, but I've always felt that I'm a girl deep down inside a man's body.

That's why it's really hard for me to move on because this is happening in the community where I call my safe haven. I later read up on relationship loss/grief and how to deal with it. A lot of people don't know how to handle loss of anyone important to them. Another thing is that even the losses that seem insignificant can have a detrimental effect on someone's psyche. The most important lesson I learned from that research is that you may never fully move on. The pain will always be there. It will always hurt. You can do whatever you can to avoid it, but when it comes every now and then, you won't escape it. You can learn to let it go instead.

Because I fully accepted letting go, for the 1st time ever, I don't hate myself. I picked up on what flaws I had and addressed them. I read up on books about the flaws of "positive psychology" because that line of thinking was making me worse. Although it did cost me anime-viewing time, I made up for it by still reading a crap ton of manga. At the same time, I still want to be the kind person who still places others before himself (though more calmed down) that my old friend and many others like. It's scary when people tell you that you're different in a good way.

Though because of my ex-friend, I am now using the kindness & wisdom she's given me all those years towards me as a catalyst in what I'm secretly planning for the anime/manga community. I think now is the time to give back to the community in a way that goes beyond fandom drama. I want to let you all know that it's okay to cry over lost relationships even if you can't get over them. Take all the time you need and if anyone tells you otherwise, that's their opinion. If you've expanded your worldview in a productive manner like I have, you're trying and you're a winner to me.

I just want to say to my ex-friend when we ever run into each other again at next year's Anime NYC that I felt scared from her "legal protection" comment because I would rather grovel into a corner than go after someone. I would also forgive her because I know it's hard to handle certain kinds of people. I would also say that we don't need to be friends anymore, but if she knows someone who's an anime fan and has mental health troubles, that she can always point them towards me.

I would finally say that I will always, always love and respect her, no matter what.

[[UPDATE: I spoke to her recently via email. She said that I’m free to do what I like to. We’ll probably run into each other again some day. We may ignore each other, but I still want to be there for her if she asks for my help.]]

To all the women that I talk to in my life, I'm glad I'm friends/acquaintances with you all. Also, I'm so sorry for my actions regarding suicide and the ones taken on one of your own.

Thank you to anyone who’s read this far. I know it was heavy, but I felt this was something I want everyone to know about me going forward.

I will keep on observing and trying for everyone. If you have anything you want to say, you can email/message me. Comments are closed for this post.

[joshpup]

Beginners Guide to Memeteen

No one asked for this, but i made it anyways

General Info:

So the memeteen group signed under Pledis which also has Pristin, Nu’est, Orange Caramel and After School (Everyone has issues with Pledis don’t even get us started about them). 

Group name Seventeen with 13 members because 13 members, 3 units and 1 team equals 13 (also originally they had 17 members but this works too). 

They finally debuted on May 26, 2015 after being pushed back for far to long 

debuted with the amazing song Adore U, and so far have had 8 comebacks: Mansae, Pretty U, Very Nice, Boom Boom,  Don’t Want to Cry, Clap, Thanks, Oh My!

They also have an mv for their song Healing, Love Letter, Shining Diamond, Smile Flower, and Q&A (just scoups, woozi and vernon), Change Up (scoups, woozi, and hoshi)

Have 9 amazing albums: 17 Carat, Boys Be, Love & Letter (Repackaged), Going Seventeen, A|1, Teen,Age, Director’s Cut , and You Make My Day (buy the albums tho) 

They made their Japanese debut on May 16, 2018 with Call Call Call! and released an album called We Make You

Units

Hip-Hop Unit:

Scoups (leader), Wonwoo, Mingyu, Vernon

-created the masterpiece that is Check-In

Mansae Hip Hop Ver.

Trauma MV

Vocal Unit:

Woozi (leader), Jeonghan, Joshua, Dk, Seungkwan

-created the masterpiece that is Chocolate

Adore U Acoustic Ver.

Very Nice Acoustic Ver.

Pinwheel MV

Performance Unit:

Hoshi (leader), Jun, The8, Dino

Adore U Perf Ver.

Mansae Perf Ver.

-created the masterpiece that is Highlight rip carats

Lilili Yabbay MV

Seventeen-BSS

Hoshi, DK, Seungkwan

Just Do It

Just Do It Dance Practice

Members

Scoups/Seungcheol {info} aka the dad 

-So he’s the leader of memeteen, #1 dad lets be real, longest trainee in svt, someone please give this boy a puppy he just needs a dog in his life okay. super sweet and caring, best leader ever honestly no one else could handle those other 12 boys. 

-appeard in Nu’est Face MV, After School Blue’s ‘Wonder Boy’ MV, Happy Pledis ‘Love Letter’ MV (pledis boys ver)

Jeonghan {info} aka the mom

-one of his nicknames in angel, but don’t let that fool you, he’s a swindler. Will not hesitate to cheat watch out for this one. sleeps everywhere possible anytime possible. each comeback his hair gets shorter, lets just hope he doesn’t go bald. Exo’s Sehuns worst nightmare.

Joshua/Jisoo {info} aka the church boy

-Instagram

-Oh shua, our beloved meme and church oppa this is a very dead joke now plz dont use it but if you see it thats shua. 1/2 of american line. Seems quiet and normal but the longer you know him the weirder you realise he truely is. Has a weird obsession with aliens (1,2) Stan talent, stan pindropping shua. huge anime lover. He has also had pink and purple hair and every carat cried 

-beautifully covered Overcome  with Nu’est’s Minhyun

-The jokes that never die: Drink water, not Alcohol, when in doubt, sings Sunday Morning, and his crappy beautiful rapping

Jun/Junhui {info} aka the real mom of the group

-Crazy for you cover

-1/2 of china line. Best eye rolls the world will ever know. people call him greasy, hes not reall but whatever. very sassy. his legendary part in Mansae that makes him look like the McDonalds logo. Also the time he dressed up in an actually carrot costume. 

Films: The Pye-Dog {pt.1 pt.2} (sorry i couldn’t find it in one part), Ip Man: The Legend Is Born, Intouchable (a series)

Hoshi/Soonyoung {info} aka naega hosh

-Okay so choreographs all their dances goals so naturally, best dancer ever. LOUD. Also shinee’s biggest fanboy, if you thought that you were shinees biggest fan ur wrong its Hosh proof: 1, 2, 3. a cute little hamster i die everyday. 10 hours 10 minutes. Black belt in Taekwondo... why dont we ever get to see anything ??

-appered in Nu’est Face MV, and Hello Venus Venus MV

Wonwoo {info} aka rbf master

-was originally a singer, but switched to rapping before debuting, so not only does wonu have an amazing voice but can rap suuuuuper well, and can easily switch between the two its stunning. always calm and usually has an rbf but hes actaully really fun love our emo wonwoo. kinda reminds me of a sloth but i love him even more becasue of that lol

-appered in Nu’est Face MV, and Hello Venus Venus MV

Woozi/Jihoon {info} aka smol fairy devil

-fear him. He may look tiny and soft but he will crush you. Composes almost all of svt’s songs. Super cute and hes coming to except this as time goes on lmao. shortest member. one of the big reasons svt became a self producing group

- first to get a solo in svt called Simple

-appered in Nu’est Face MV, and Hello Venus Venus MV

Dk/Seokmin {info} aka literal sunshine

the sunshine of svt, always smiling. i saw a video of him crying once and my world shattered. LOUD pt2. super funny i love him. one of the most stable vocals in svt. can hit those high notes like nobody else. 

-has this beautiful cover

Mingyu {info} aka gaint germ

-Instagram

-walking puppy? yes actually he is. also a gaint germ (1,2) so get ready. sneezes everywhere then touches everything. can go from cute to sexy with no time in between its insane. If he’s not your bias he’s your bias wrecker. Wild orange hair durning Check In era end everyone made fun of him or loved it no in between.

-Svt’s personal hairstylist  

-appered in Nu’est Face MV, and Hello Venus Venus MV

The8/Minghao {info} aka arthao

-Instagram

-Literally has become the biggest artist in the world what an icon

-other half of chine line. last member to join the group. He did b-boying in china for like 6 years. here is baby hao b-boying at age 12 (he’s the tallest skinny guy and also the leader). crazy good Martial arts skills.  comes off super cute a fluffy and sweet with that voice and all but a serious thug tho like 1, 2, 3 

Seungkwan {info} aka future mc 

-Instagram

Boo Seungkwan our sassy little guy that i love more than life itself. LOUD pt3. gonna star in the next hollywood film because of his flawless acting. Also one of the most stable vocals in svt. hits high notes so easily its not fair (like in pretty u i died). a cutie from jeju. Koreas next best MC watch out world Seungkwan is coming. pretty much helps set the happy fun tone in svt

-covered Beautiful Tomorrow perfectly

Vernon/Hansol {info} aka the living meme

oh vernon. other half of american line. best friends with Seungkwan. literally a walking meme. anything he does is dumb and i love it. example: his weird dance from Boom Boom. lots of Hotline Bling. His iconic: “mom, i won this.” terrible hair durning mansae era 

-was on “Kids Explore Life” when he was little. Also a contestant on ‘JTBC Made in U’ .... headlines headlines ....

-appeared on one of Eric Nams Can’t Help Myself stages and Hello Venus ‘Venus’ MV, Sickness ft. Eunwoo of Pristin

Dino/Chan {info} aka the baby

The baby of the group. Once a baby always a baby. Dino, nugu aegi? tragic hair durning mansae era as well. best glow up of the world let me tell you i called this. Like if you think jungkook of bts had a glow up time to meet Lee Chan because his was more intense and if not faster. Fresh out of High school and living life large lol

-This amazing fancam

-his song Zero (here is the performance) and you can bet i cried when i heard this. He grew up so fast T.T

Other

Active Twitter Fansites

Seventeen’s One Fine Day: Season 1: {1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9}, Season 2  

Best Stages

Girl Group Medley / Relay 

Sorry Sorry cover

Happiness

Tell Me (Immortal Songs)

Boy Group Remix

Bindaetteok Gentleman

My Ears Candy (Jun and Mingyu)

My Ears Candy (Seungkwan and DK)

U

Who (performance unit) oddly enough this song isn’t talked about much, i think it killed every carat cause it killed me

Decalcomanie

and some of my personal faves: Show Me Your Love, Honey + Very Nice (Remix), 2016 Melon awards: Very Nice

Dance Practices/Part Switches

Adore U: Fixed Ver, Follow Ver, Part Switch Ver

Mansae: Hide Ver, Seek Ver, Follow Me Ver, Part Switch Ver

Pretty U: Love Ver, Letter Ver, Dear Carat Ver

Very Nice: Roof Top Ver, Dance Practice Ver, Part Switch Ver

Boom Boom: Front Ver, Review Ver, Santa Ver 

Don’t Wanna Cry: Front Ver, Review Ver, Part Switch Ver

Clap: Practice

Thanks: Choreography Video

Other Video worth mentioning: Highlight (13 Member Ver), No. 1 Cover, Without You

Offical Links:

Offical Website // Youtube // V App // Twitter // Instagram // Weibo // Soundcloud //Facebook

Extra

Seventeen TV

Boys Wish Kindergarten Skit    

Bongbong gyus precious child (a few of the many insta posts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, also bongbongie has no gender so stan talent)

the famous English Time w/ Svt

the memeteen diaries (ive never laughed so hard tbh)

ISAC aerobics - inspired by Transformers 

ISAC 400m Dash

ISAC warm up dance created by our boys (ft dokyeoms singing)

Seventeen and Monsta x interactions (they’re debut buddies if you don’t die everytime they interact with each other you are doing something wrong)

Seventeen x Nu’est stage Heaven (aka the best crossover the world has yet to see)

so yah stan talent stan my memes Seventeen

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 1: Angsty With A Chance Of Extra™

In which we are introduced to Neil Josten, the angst-iest protag since OOTP!Harry Potter, and we meet his new friends: Coach Wymack, a Certified Hufflepuff, Andrew Minyard, a kitten who thinks of nothing but murder all day, and Kevin Day, a Big Deal. Everyone is blessed with a healthy dose of Extra and Dramatic™. Hernandez is also there, I guess.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

So a while ago I made this post demonstrating my absolute confusion over what the fuck The Foxhole Court is (What is the court everyone’s talking about? Why so much orange? What is that weird ass sport? What is the court???). Since then, I’ve had countless anons trying to explain the plot to me and/or urging me to read the damn books.

So here I am. Reading the damn books.

Disclaimer: This is, first and foremost, 100% inspired by/based on Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter’ which I truly believe is one of the most hilarious and well-written things you can find on the Internet. Mark, I owe you everything.

Let’s fucking go.

           Neil Josten let his cigarette burn to the filter without taking a drag. He didn’t want the nicotine; he wanted the acrid smoke that reminded him of his mother.

What the hell. Two sentences in and I can already tell that Neil is extra. Like, seriously Super Extra™. I get that it’s meant tragically and refers to past trauma and all, but oh my god. This is some Augustus Waters type shit.

For the record: I love it.

(Please do not ever take anything I say at face value. I’m a sarcastic piece of shit and I can already tell I’m going to love this series. Please.)

So apparently, Neil’s dad is in prison and his mom is dead. He is also an actual homeless dude who sleeps either in an abandoned real estate or just in his school’s locker room. What the fuck, that is the saddest shit I’ve read all day. No wonder is angst levels are through the ceiling. Someone care for this kid.

           His neighbors rarely left the comfort of their couches and daily soaps, but every time he came and went he risked getting spotted. If people realized he was squatting they’d start asking difficult questions.

Okay so this is my bilingual brain talking, I know squatting means something else here, but I just imagined Neil idly doing his squats in his appropriated backyard.

No shit, dude. I’d start asking questions too.

This is the point where we finally get some info on what the fuck Exy is.

           Exy was a bastard sport, an evolved sort of lacrosse on a soccer-sized court with the violence of ice hockey, and Neil loved every part of it from its speed to its aggression.

MURDER LACROSSE! Yay!

Why is it called Exy though, is what I’m wondering. Because that is a dumb ass name. Endanger and eXplore Yourself? Extremist Youngsters? Extremely Yellow?

The last one is a joke. We all know that they’re fucking orange.

What I’m also wondering is how the hell that sport came to be. It evolved from lacrosse, sure, but like… How? Someone just thought “Hey, I want my lacrosse to be a lot more MURDEROUS so I’m gonna play it on a BIG ASS FIELD with VIOLENT ASS PLAYERS”?

Then again, someone also thought to just play golf but with tiny weak balls and clubs, and today we have mini golf. So there’s that.

Now it’s time for the entrance of someone who’s shaping up to be my first favourite character: Coach Wymack.

           “Bullshit,” Neil said. “No one recruits from Millport. No one knows where it is.”

           “There’s this thing called a map,” the stranger said. “You might have heard of it.”

That’s his first line. That’s his first line. I love this guy.

I continue loving this guy because he offers Neil a way out of his shitty living situation: Hey, come play with my team of rejects, homeless dudes, juvies and addicts! We might be so shitty we’re gonna get kicked out of the Almighty Exy League if we don’t deliver, and our players have regular actual suicide attempts, but at least we’re getting a lot of media coverage! Oh, you’re on the run from your murderous dad and trying to lay low? My bad.

What a dude.

Next up, another character introduces himself in a wonderfully defining way: Andrew Minyard, who likes Neil’s hot bod so much he decides to smack a racquet into it.

          “God damn it, Minyard. This is why we can’t have nice things.”

I agree. Chill out, my man, no need for violence.

(I have a slight feeling “No need for violence” is not exactly the Foxes’ team slogan.)

Surprisingly, Neil turns out to be a massive stalker fanboy as he exactly knows who Andrew is and has been collecting newspaper clippings on him for, like, years. No biggie. I can already smell the shippers lurking in the distance.

Spoiler alert: I also know that those two will end up Banging™ at some point because tumblr told me. It’s seriously the only thing tumblr told me was for sure happening.

What can I say. We love our gays here on this hellsite.

However, Neil’s ability to easily follow all the drama that was going on in Exy World also adds to the questionable existence of Exy. A sport has to be around for some time to get that kind of news coverage.

Example: My best friends do competitive cheerleading, which has been around for years and years, but it’s still a minority sport here in Germany. They have massive tournaments and fierce competition between teams, yet no one gives a shit. Only like, two teams even get any news coverage, and certainly not enough to make this level of stalking possible.

I’m calling bullshit artistic freedom.

(I don’t actually mind too much because I live for the drama. Also, Palmetto State Uni is fictional as well, so who gives a shit.)

It’s time for another wonderful character introduction: Meet Kevin Day.

We don’t know much about Kevin yet except for the fact that he’s a Big Deal in Exy World and Neil sorta hates him. They go way back, apparently.

��          Kevin was sitting on top of the entertainment center along the back wall. He’d pushed the TV off to one side to give himself more room and covered the space around him with papers.

Again, this may be me bilingual brain talking, but. How am I supposed to understand this?

Papers, as in newspaper that he’s been reading? Like “Oh god, you guys were taking so long being Emo and Persuasive out there with your contracts I just had to read something to save myself from actual brain death”? Or papers, as in actual sheets of paper that he just spread around himself for dramatic effect??

Either way, it’s Extra and Dramatic and I love it.

           He and his adopted brother Riko Moriyama wrote the numbers one and two on their faces with markers, tracing them over and over every time they started to fade. Neil didn’t understand it then, but Kevin and Riko were aiming for the stars. They were going to be famous, they promised him.

Literally what level of E X T R A.

I cannot stop laughing at this.

What a nerd.

Also: Riko! I’ve heard that name before. I think he and Neil don’t exactly wear friendship bracelets. I think.

Does he wear friendship bracelets with Kevin?

Intrigued for more. #findrikosfriendshipbracelet2k17

Kevin is also probably kind of an idiot. Like, you watched a man get murdered with this guy and yet you don’t recognize him with a little bit of hair dye on? Either Neil is Hannah Montana or you’re just a massive dumbo.

(Or he’s just pretending not to know him for Plot Related Reasons, which is the most likey answer. But let’s go with Hannah Montana for now.)

           “Your opinion has been noted and duly dismissed” Wymack said.

Fury, anyone?

           “You need one of us to talk to your parents? (…) Are they the ones who hurt you?”

Have I mentioned I love Wymack.

           “You know the people I look for. (…) Foxes are Foxes for a reason and they know we wouldn’t sign you if you didn’t qualify. That doesn’t mean they know specifics. It’s not my place to ask, and I’m sure as hell not going to tell them.”

Okay but have I mentioned I love Wymack.

           Coach Wymack was quiet for a minute. “Did you think I made the team the way it is because I thought it would be a good publicity stunt? It’s about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as ou get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you.”

Okay but HAVE I MENTIONED I LOVE WYMACK.

Holy fucking shit. I cannot get over this guy.

This is the most Hufflepuff thing I’ve read in probably forever. Like, he deserves a badge. A Certified Hufflepuff badge. Which is, in my opinion, the highest honours you can give someone. What the hell.

Obvs, Neil signs with the Foxes after that shining, glittering star of a motivation speech.

Next up: University! Murder lacrosse! Childhood trauma! Fun gay times!

(Side note: I feel like that’s a good description of the series as a whole.)

I seriously cannot wait.

[cwnerd12]

start in media res, David rescues two hostages and takes on a Goliath.

His two buddies, Spencer and Doug watch as David runs back to the safety of the army tent, jumping up and down and yelling, “Holy shit, man! You… you did that! How the fuck did you do that?!” Eli stands in the back, watching with an inscrutable expression. David grins, “Somebody had to do it, right?” He grins over at Eli, who remains grim and serious. David’s smile fades slightly, but then Eli grins, goes over, and pats him on the shoulder, “You did good, but you’re definitely getting a court martial.” David shrugs, “Handle that when I get there, I guess.” He looks over at the medic’s are where the two soldiers are being examined. David heads back. One of the soldiers, who doesn’t have a bandage over his face, sees David and stands up immediately, going over to shake his hand, “You saved my life, man. I can’t possibly thank you enough.” David, “Just doing what I’d hope someone would do for me.” The bandaged soldier lays half sitting up on a bed, and doesn’t look at him. Other soldier, “I’m Jared, by the way, Private Jared Mullins.” David, “David.” Pvt. Mullins, “Thank you, again, David.” David goes over to the bandaged soldier, “Hey, are you all right?” Bandaged: “Yeah, I’m fine.” David: “I’m David, by the way. Pvt. David Shepherd. Nice to meet you.” Bandaged, “Yeah.” David stands there, kind of awkwardly, “Uh, do you mind if I ask your name?” Bandaged, “Jack.” David, “Okay. Hi, Jack. Where are you from?” Jack, “Shiloh.” David, “Cool. I’m from Bethlehem, far away from the big city. Grew up on a farm. I’ll probably go back there when I leave the army. What do you think you’re gonna do when your enlistment’s up?” Jack, “Be king.” David laughs, “King? Good luck with that, man!” In the doorway, Doug calls for David. David looks back at Jack, reaches over and pats his shoulder, “You take care, man.” He heads over to where Doug is calling for him, “What?” Doug, “King Silas is coming!” David, “What?” Doug, “I dunno, it just came in over the radio, King Silas is here!” David, “For- for me?!” Doug shrugs. There’s a commotion at the front of the tent, and Silas bursts in. Eli immediately rushes to greet him, “Your majesty, it’s an honor to have you here-” Silas pushes past him, “Where’s Jack?! Jack!” He rushes into the medic’s area, sees Jack, and hugs him as tightly as he can. David watches everything, slack-jawed. Jack looks up from over Silas’s shoulder, and makes eye contact with David. David puts two and two together and realizes he’s just saved the prince’s life.

David gets invited to the palace:

(when Rose and Silas try to figure out who David is, the first thing that becomes apparent is that he has an instagram full of shirtless beefcake selfies. Silas says he would have been doing the same thing if he’d had selfies in his day. Rose spends a little too much time lingering over it.)

David, in his uniform, nervously enters the overwhelming front entrance of the palace, and looks around. Thomasina steps up, “You must be Private Shepherd.” David, “Yes, I am.” Thomasina, “My name is Thomasina Bright, I’m the director of palace operations.” David, “Very pleased to meet you, ma’am.” Thomasina, “I’ll take you up to the residency. The other members of the royal family are very keen to meet you.” David, “Okay.” In the elevator, David awkwardly tries to make conversation, “So, uh, you… run the palace?” Thomasina, “Among other things.” David, “Wow. That’s got to be a really tough job.” Thomasina, “It has its rewards.” The elevator dings open. Thomasina leads David down a hallway and opens a door. She leads David into a living room area where Jack sits on a sofa. Thomasina, “Pvt. Shepherd is here to see you, your highness.” Jack glances up at her, “Thanks.” He doesn’t get up. Thomasina, “I’ll be leaving you two to enjoy your conversation.” She leaves. David looks back, “Thanks!” He turns back around to face Jack, who still sits on the sofa and doesn’t make eye contact with him. David makes an attempt at conversation, “I really should have put it together when you said you were gonna be king, but I didn’t realize you were you until King Silas showed up.” Jack, “I had a bandage on my face.” David, “Yeah, but still, I can be really dumb sometimes. As if me facing down a tank didn’t tip you off.” He laughs, but Jack doesn’t. A door opens, and Michelle enters. David, “Uh, hello, your highness.” Michelle, “Are you Private Shepherd?” David, “Yes, I am.” Michelle rushes over to him and gives him a huge hug. Jack looks away. Michelle, “Thank you. Thank you so much. We can’t possibly thank you enough for what you did.” David, “Just trying to do the right thing.” Jack, “Geez, no need to be so enthusiastic.” Michelle spins around, “Shut the fuck up, Jack, I don’t go where you work and knock the dicks out of your mouth!” David’s eyes widen in surprise and amazement. Michelle looks back at him, and blushes slightly, “Oh, shit, I shouldn’t have said that.” David, “No, no, it’s quite alright. I’m used to hearing that kind of language at the front, I’m just kind of surprised to hear it coming from a princess.” Michelle laughs, “Yeah, Mom says I’m just like my dad, we both say fuck way too much.” David, “It’s a great word to say! I’ve been saying it a lot lately, I mean, I go to sleep, and when I wake up, my name’s in all the headlines, and half of Gilboa has liked my selfies.” Michelle, “Well, you gotta admit, they’re pretty nice selfies.” David, “People are even comparing me to Caesar Reinhardt, I mean- that’s insane! I only saved two soldiers, and he saved what, thirty?” Michelle, “Reinhardt never saved a prince.” David, “I guess so.” Michelle, “Do you want to meet him? I actually think he’s gonna be at dinner tonight.” David, “What?! Are you kidding me?! Yeah, I’d love to meet him!” The door opens again, and this time Rose and Silas enter. David immediately snaps to attention. Rose approaches him, “You must be Pvt. Shepherd.” David, “Please, just call me David. It’s an honor to meet you, your highness.” Rose, “It’s an honor to meet you, David. This nation doesn’t have enough heroes.” David blushes, “Hero’s a bit much, I’m honestly just glad to not be facing a court martial.” Silas steps forward, “I got plenty of court martials when I was in the army, but a hero’s a hero. Bravery always wins out.” He slaps David on the shoulder, “You’re a hero. Enjoy the glory while you can. This is just the beginning of your story.” David, “I guess I should enjoy a little bit of luxury before going back to the front.” Silas, “Oh no, I’m not sending you to the front. You’re an inspiration. I want to put you where everyone can see you.” David, “I have a brother and a lot of friends out on the front. Doesn’t seem fair to just up and leave them.” Silas, “They can join you when they do something heroic.” David, “My brother’s been serving for eighteen years. My- my father was killed out on the front.” Silas, “Honor his sacrifice by making sure you don’t die. How else can you better serve your country than by directly serving your king?” David glances over at Jack, who looks up at him without expression. David, “I- it’d be an honor, sir. I’ll do whatever you ask of me.” Silas, “Good.” Rose, “We have to get ready for the dinner tonight. Until then, Jack and Michelle can entertain you.” Jack sighs and looks away.  Michelle, “The palace has a theater, if you want to see a movie.” David, “Yeah, a movie sounds good.” Silas, “Jack, you listen to what David has to say. He could probably teach you a lot.” Jack, unenthused, “Sure thing.” Rose, “Silas and I will be off, then. Looking forward to seeing you this evening, David.” David, “Looking forward to seeing you, as well.” Rose and Silas leave. Michelle, “We’ve got plenty of movies we can watch, including the ones that are in theaters right now, but most people when they get to see a movie in the palace ask to watch Righteous.” David, “Oh, the one they made about the king? I- I mean, your dad? I’ve never seen it.” Michelle gasps, “You’re kidding me!” David shrugs, “I grew up on a farm. Never really had a whole lot of time for movies.” Michelle grabs his arm, “That’s it, we’re watching Righteous. Come on, Jack!”

Dinner: David gets introduced to Caesar Reinhardt, handsome blonde asshole (dream cast: Chris Pine), now director of the Ministry of State Security. David can’t help but fanboy. “Looks like you have some competition in the hero business, Caesar.” Reinhardt, “David here has one brave act, I have years of service.” David, “I don’t see why there has to be a competition. Gilboa can use as many heroes as it can get, right?” Samuels recognizes David from the one time he fixed his car. At dinner, Silas talks on while everyone around him listens intently, “There was no king to fete me when I won my first medal. Warfare was different back then, too. That was before I bought the Phils some decency. They’d go into a town, destroy it, nothing left, kill the women and children. Gilboa could barely call itself a nation, we were so weak. Step outside, everything you see around you, the skyscrapers, the businesses, families being whole and happy and enjoying their lives, none of that was possible, the Phils were bleeding us dry. Heroes were more common then, but it would be, some young punk would go out, do something stupid that saved some lives, and then he’d go get killed in battle within a month. I got some attention with my first medal, but that was mostly because Rose Cross was my girlfriend.” Rose smiles demurely, “My father still couldn’t stand him.” Silas, “Nobody was good enough for his princess. Anyone who wanted to date her at least had to match her in breeding and manners, and I was some poor lowlife. I earned one medal, but then I did something that very few heroes did at the time: I stuck around. Not only did I stick around, I kept on doing stupid shit that saved lives. There was a call for Gilboa to have a king, and somehow, people wanted me. Honestly, I didn’t want it. I loved the attention, but I had two small children at that point, I wanted to be their father. But it wasn’t my choice. It was up to God. Do you know how I knew that God had chosen me?” David, “How?” A big grin spreads across Silas’s face, “A could of butterflies came over me one day, absolutely beautiful. I stood there watching this astonishing sight, when, one by one, they begin to land on my head. This ring of butterflies landed on my head, in the shape of a crown. That was the moment I embraced my destiny.” Beside Silas, Jack puts down his knife and fork. Unseen by everyone but David, he rolls his eyes and makes jack-off hands. David does his best to suppress a grin, “That’s incredible, sir.” Jack makes a small, blushing half-grin. Silas, “Of course, I’m sure you learned all this in history class. Maybe one day your name will be taught, too.” David, “Maybe.” Samuels speaks up, “Tell me, David, did you have a plan in mind when you left camp that night?” David, “Uh, sort of. I knew what I was doing, I just couldn’t quite explain it. It’s kind of hard to make plans for that sort of thing. I knew it would be hours before the army made any kind of decision, and that the captive soldiers might not have that long. I saw the Gath camp, I knew where they were, I thought, I could do it. And then, I thought, don’t. It’s stupid, you’ll just get yourself and the soldiers killed. But then, I just knew. I knew I could do it. and I told myself again, it’s not worth the risk, just keep your head down and do as your told, don’t change your life but… I thought about what would happen if I did nothing and the soldiers were killed. I knew my life would change, anyway. I’d never be able to forgive myself. I can’t just be the guy who sits back and lets bad things happen. When you do that, you’re no better than the people who do evil in the world. I knew whatever trouble I got into would be infinitely better than just letting to innocent men die. So I did what I knew I could do. And the rest is history, I guess.” Silas and Samuels have after-dinner drinks in Silas’s lounge. Silas, “He’s charismatic, he’s good-looking, and he’s got a sincerity that Reinhardt doesn’t. I want to put him in front of cameras. This is just the right time. The army needs a morale-boost. I’m gonna milk that handsome face for all it’s worth.” Samuels, “You don’t think he could be dangerous?” Silas, “What? No. I looked at his record, it’s spotless. He’s a good boy who does what he’s told.” Samuels, “Until he feels compelled to do the right thing.” Silas, “And he’ll be doing the right thing serving me. Do just what I did with Caesar, give him a good job, pay him lots of money, introduce him to a hot future wife. Give him just a whiff of the real power I can give him, he won’t think about anything but pleasing me.” Samuels, “I’ll be honest with you, Silas, I’ve seen all the comparisons to Reinhardt, and it’s not him that David reminds me of.” Silas, “I know. He could be something even better. Can you believe that?” Samuels, “David reminds me of you.” Silas, “Don’t fuck with me, Ephraim. He might have grown up on a farm, but he’s not me. He hasn’t been through what I’ve been through.” Samuels, “He’s not unfamiliar with loss.” Silas, “Yeah, I know about his dad, but it’s still not the same. Not even close. Besides, he’ll never have what I have.” Samuels, “What is that?” Silas, “God’s favor. God chose me to be king, no one else.”