#(i am a failed acting major lol) but those like

[trevisos]

thinking abt the voice acting on the “my sweet, there’s nothing i’d like more” line in act 1 when u offer to let him feed vs the voice acting on the “there’s nothing i’d like more” line when you ask to kiss him. being really normal about it

[aihoshiino]

Hey! I’ve been hearing a debate pretty recently about Kana’s character, especially after 151. Some are saying that Aka is weakening her character…ignoring her past development..reducing her to a love interest…etc, stuff along those lines, by making her dream be just being Aqua’s idol. What’s your take on this?

Saying this with the full awareness that i am Asking For It by phrasing it like this but. this honestly just feels like a bad faith read by people who already don't like aqukana/kana in particular LOL. Like... idk, I can get being frustrated by the sudden swing over to all the romcom stuff again when we have A Potential Serial Killer just kind of vibing in the background, but Kana -> Aqua is something that's been part of the series for over a hundred and thirty chapters. It was going to need resolving before the series ended regardless of whether they actually hook up or not and it's baffling to me that people are throwing this accusation at Kana's arc when like... sorry, but Ruby is right there, lol

Like, if we're going to talk about 'ignoring past development' and 'reducing her to a love interest' whose dreams revolve around a romance with Aqua... is that not just describing Ruby since 123? Everything to do with Sarina's trauma of abandonment and emotional abuse at Marina's hands and the way it continues to affect Ruby, Ruby being triggered and retraumatized by having to engage with material depicting Ai's abuse at Ayumi's hands, the way she mistreated and took Kana & Mem for granted while she was clout chasing and how that caused fan backlash against those two while they did their best to keep B-Komachi afloat for her - all that shit goes out the window at mach speed once she finds out Aqua is Gorou and she spends the majority of her screentime after that gushing over her oniichansensei and having her narrative recentered around her obsession with Gorou. Never mind how bizarrely she'd flanderized and dumbed down she is in relation to it all.

(Note in advance: shout out to this thread by KizzityKaito on Twitter that I stumbled on while I was chewing on this ask that helped me to articulate some of the stuff re: Kana that I was kind of struggling to put to words - I don't agree w/the whole thread but I think the Kana analysis here & 'reincarnation as child acting' is fascinating and really in line with what OnK seems to be going for.)

By contrast with Kana... this feels consistent to me! This feels like additive characterization building on top of and not contradicting what came before. I've seen people frothing and screaming about her talk vis-a-vis being an actress not being her 'dream' but like... that just kind of checked out to me?? Kana is an actress. If that's her 'dream', she's already achieved it, as she says. Everything else has been her fighting and clawing to hold onto it. That's what she means when she says she didn't have any dreams; for Kana, becoming a nationally recognize actress again isn't a dream because it's just a return to the status quo.

Not only that, but like... being an actress wasn't even necessarily Kana's dream in the first place! She herself outright says it - it was enforced onto her by her abusive mom so she could live vicariously through her.

That's not to say Kana hasn't found her own spark for acting and that she isn't deeply passionate about it in her own way. But again, this is something Kana already has. A 'dream' is something you want to achieve - it's something you, well, dream about. And if you read between the lines, Kana's dream has never really been about acting.

It's about love. It's about Kana feeling secure in her relationships with the people she loves.

I think a lot of people are taking Kana's words in 151 entirely at face value and just... totally failing to read the subtext because they've been ignoring her all this time and now her arc is actually coming to a climax they don't know what the conclusion is building off of lol. Kana's 'dream' right now is something pitifully simple - to have the boy she loves not even return her feelings necessarily, but just to say that in his eyes, she shines brighter than anyone else.

[scoobydoodean]

the way bronlies are so obsessed that they’ve just become sam in the way they don’t like/won’t allow dean to have other friends 😭

it’s crazy to me, especially for a question whose different answers are both true to an extent bc your definition of “knowing somebody” is totally subjective!

lol that said, i am curious, soo… who do you think knows dean best, sam or cas? somebody else? do you think it changes over the seasons?

One of my friends was just saying that about bronlies and Sam sjhbfhsdhjf. Truly tho they're more insufferable than Sam's ever been. Bronlies are every spoiled child antagonist in every children's book. The Veruca Salt's of fandom. Miserable little cry baby brats screaming throwing tantrums trying to hit everyone with their baby rattlers... over Supernatural (2005) POLLS.

Their indignantion at that poll is pretty hilarious, because Sam doesn't start out the series actually knowing who Dean is at all. He thinks he knows who Dean is, but he doesn't, and this is illustrated to us over a dozen times in season 1. I do think Sam grows to understand who Dean is better over time, but he still sucks at understanding Dean for the vast majority of the series, because in many ways, he doesn't actually care to stop and think and study who Dean is and ask himself whether he actually knows him. He prefers an image he's made up in his head of who Dean is instead—an image that comforts him or bolsters his own self-image in some way. Dean is smart when Sam wants him to be smart and stupid when Sam needs to feel smarter (1.10, 1.16, 4.12, 8.14). Dean is strong when Sam wants him to be strong and weak when Sam needs to feel like the strongest person around (4.10, 4.11, 4.14, 4.16, 4.20, 4.21). Dean isn't opening up enough (2.02, 2.03, 2.04), then Dean is too emotional and soft and needs to get over it (2.10, 2.11, 2.14, 4.14, 4.16). Dean is a protector and nurturer who is failing to nurture and/or protect Sam adequately (3.09, 4.04, 8.23), then Dean is smothering (5.07, 8.20).

Basically, because Sam spends so much time trying to force Dean to fit into the shape he wants Dean to fit into, instead of actually trying to understand who Dean is, he often (unknowingly in some cases) completely lacks insight into who Dean actually is, and I'd say while he gets better at recognizing this, and better at understanding who Dean really is over time, surrounding certain subjects (especially things like grief), this refusal to see the actual real Dean continues through the entire run of the show (ex: 13.04).

I guess the question is then... is Cas actually better at understanding Dean than Sam is? And for me? Honestly I think it's a wash. I don't actually think either of them is Mr Amazing Perfect Dean Understander to be quite honest with you. I mean—practically Dean and Cas's entire schtick is perpetual misunderstandings bolstered by their own insecurities? They understand the important parts like that they each have good intentions and are good hearted, but I don't think Cas ever really understood how their repeated cycle of conflict made Dean feel. I don't think he ever understood how deeply entwined Dean's well-being became with his own, to the point that Dean was Not Fucking Okay when Cas was dead. I think Cas had a leg up in getting genuine insights into Dean's feelings straight from Dean for a long time because of the childhood dynamics and previous events that have made using Sam as a confidant uncomfortable and/or unsafe for Dean (2.03, 2.11, 4.14, 4.21, 5.01, 5.02, 5.03). I think Cas also understands Dean’s feelings more than he lets on and often acts on his perceptions of Dean's feelings without communicating those perecptions to anyone (and sometimes he's right... but sometimes he's also very VERY wrong).

We get a sort of back and forth with Sam and Cas understanding or not understanding different aspects of Dean's feelings or behavior. Think about "Nihilism" for example, when Sam and Cas walk through the darkness of Dean's mind, and Cas is shocked by the amount of trauma in Dean's mind and Sam just says, "Well. Yeah." But then compare that with 10.03 "Soul Survivor" where Cas was able to explain to Sam why demon Dean didn't want to be cured no matter how much blood they gave him. Sam didn't understand, but Cas understood Dean's perspective immediately (and that entire episode was a scathing commentary on Sam's lack of insight into Dean tbqh).

All of that said, I think I did vote in that poll and I picked Cas, and I would do it again. :) In fact, I will vote against Sam in any moment of uncertainty in any poll I see going forward, because bronlies are pathetic cry baby brats victimizing themselves 24/7 over Tumblr polls and can get fucked.

[rlyehtaxidermist]

so I’ve seen some posting about oil fire going around and as one of the people sitting in the eye of that particular hurricane i have a couple thoughts. keep in mind that I obviously can’t speak for every single Poster etc etc, obviously this is just my view on things. in particular don’t quote Twitter at me because the only time I was ever active on there was back when “have a visible professional social media account” was considered important for the job hunt. I know nothing of Touhou Twitter or Touhou Reddit and I am content in my ignorance

Anyway there’s three major points of criticism I’ve seen, and one of them as basically “it’s just a nothingburger that came out of nowhere” and even ignoring the history of that in Touhou in general, I’m going to set it aside because I don’t think it needs a more specific rebuttal than the length of this post. so on to the two more substantial complaints I’ve seen:

“it’s just a sex ship”: look, I won’t deny that there’s been a lot of sexposting. i’ve probably posted more about cock in the last 48 hours than in the last five years combined. almost certainly more than i will in the next five too. but there’s a subtext to it that often gets missed (not just by critics but also by a lot of sexposters).

these are two characters who have had... a bit of a history with being sexualised by the fandom. i shouldn’t need to recite all the “slut sanae” memes, those who know know and honestly they were never funny, but they existed. tsukasa meanwhile was stuck with “sex fox” pretty much from the beginning due to some kuda-gitsune legends specifically involving their rapid reproduction.

obviously this is going to go more into the personal view and i reiterate that i’m not speaking for Everyone’s posts, but I’m asexual. the whole emphasis people put on sex as a cultural thing, not just in terms of Posting about it but also in terms of Not Posting about it is funny to me. people dance around it like they’re waltzing with the demon core but also are baffled when i say i’m just not into it.

the oil fire sexposting isn’t about “lol they’re fucking”. there was already plenty of that. the joke is that it’s not a big deal that they’re fucking - it’s not dramatic or cathartic or even erotic. they’re bad at it, they get distracted, they’re not really thinking things through; fail sex with her cringe wife. it’s sexual in the way that a Tom and Jerry sketch is violent - stepping back from the artifice around it to say “you know, whatever else this is, it’s pretty goofy”. to me at least, that’s more of a repudiation of horny character exaggeration than simply ignoring it is.

(there’s also a false equivalence to me in the general notion of “it’s just hornyposting”, between hornyposting by straight men and that of queer women and/or the gender blender, when the characters involved are both women - especially in light of the reasonably consistent depiction of one or both as transgender in oil fire posting. there’s better people than me and my none gender with leftist beef to effortpost on that side of things.)

“tsukasa is manipulating sanae” I’d add a single phrase here - she’s trying to. The big thing with a lot of how I look at Sanae and this is no exception is that while she can be naive, she’s not stupid. There’s a difference between being trusting and being easily deceived. She’s not a master manipulator, but she lives with Kanako, she knows a bit of how the game is played.

I think this kind of echoes the last bit of the last segment, in that how the characters are portrayed in the context matters a lot. Oil Fire Sanae is, at least within the spheres I see here, heavily coded as if not explicitly autistic. A lot of the content is being written by autistic people, myself included.

Autistic adults are, in my anecdotal experience, pretty conscious of being manipulative or manipulated, because we have to learn deliberately where that line is drawn and how to act around it.

To get into explicitly personal experiences, I often think of myself as being “manipulative” because I have to deliberately strategise a lot of social cues and how I present myself and information I know, and still haven’t really shook that perspective internally despite the intellectual knowledge of several therapists and psychiatrists that no, that’s just an autism thing, most people do all that stuff without thinking about it.

Now obviously simply Being Autistic is not an unassailable fortress against manipulation, nor does it prevent you from being actually manipulative in your own right, but it does tilt the pinball table a bit, again especially in terms of awareness. And that awareness helps control a response - again, even if you’re not always quite sure how to respond.

Sanae’s way of cutting that Gordian knot is what a friend of mine calls the Bishop Myriel Method: how can someone steal what is freely given? She has her lines, but the stuff Tsukasa is leaning on her to get - protection, shelter, and an in-group - are all things Sanae doesn’t see an issue with giving to her. Tsukasa for her part doesn’t really understand this, being more used to dealing with power-broker types where everything has a quid-pro-quo, and from a position of pretty notable inferiority (just look at how any of the stronger youkai talk to her in UDoALG) at that - so she looks at all the leverage that Sanae now has over her (leverage which Sanae doesn’t really understand she has), and doubles down on trying to be manipulative because she doesn’t understand that she doesn’t have to.

in conclusion obviously I’m not thinking about all this wall of text every time I post something, for the same reason that I’m not thinking about how my house’s foundations are designed every time I go up or down the stairs - the general idea is there in the background and actually needing to go check it out usually means that I won’t be doing whatever I was going up the stairs for in the first place. but these are The Thoughts, upon which the lower effort thoughts stand as they heckle each other. there are many like them but these are mine

[cdroloisms]

my dsmp hot take is that while yes c!dream was a villain and a bad guy (tho i'd argue he's morally dark grey rather than pure evil) his personality was not often the ultra crazy over the top anime esq villain some of the fandom paints him to be

Like everything from his line delivery to his mannerisms and tone made him seem like just some guy? Like just a actual seemingly normal dude who'd I'd say is unsettlingly casual a lot of the time about the things he does and says, which is what makes c!Dream and ccDream's performance of the character rather compelling and interesting to watch... imo at least. This is not to say that c!dream never has his big obvious villain moments but to me those moments truly stand out because of how he often is played so human and passing for almost normal most of the time

Anyways I really love c!dream, he's one of my favorite characters of all time because of how understated and human he is a lot of the time until the moments you remember why he's a threat in the first place.....it's just...aaaaaa he's so interesting and cool I wanna analyze him under a microscope

I ... am not sure if I'm following your argument but that's probably a me problem. It's true, c!Dream's actual personality isn't only the overdramatic villain act that somehow overshadowed like, everything about him to a large portion of the fandom. That being said, I would definitely argue that a large portion if not a majority of c!Dream's most overtly villainous moments and actions definitely didn't read as casual to me? tbh "casual" and "normal" are hard words re: c!Dream because the guy ... kind of fails at having any chill literally ever LMAO like even his more faux chill moments (such as the front he keeps up in Daedalus) are very hard for me to describe as casual--though that's just me, and might be a more subjective matter of how we define things lol. That being said, a lot of how c!Dream wields people's perception of him is absolutely about using the villain deal as a shield and smokescreen, which usually meant going full throttle with acting like a Disney movie villain (see: Spirit Speech, Green Festival, Doomsday, Staged Finale, etc.) to intimidate people. Of course, there's an argument for c!Dream acting 'casual' during Exile in mannerisms compared to his more ... overtly villainous acting in the aforementioned scenes, but even then basically every moment we see from his character from the second he betrays Pogtopia for the book (and goes on his whole For Chaos spiel to c!Tommy which had c!Tommy very visibly like ???? bro what the fuck) is so. Different from how this guy acted earlier on in the server that 'casual' as it means between the time period of November 2020 - January 2021 for c!Dream is a whole different ballpark from casual in summer 2020, you feel? Like, though they were definitely wrong, there's a reason why literal demon possession became such a prevalent theory around that time, because bro what the fuck.

It depends on how you look at it, I guess, but I really don't think being underestimated as a villain is like. Ever something that really features in this guy's story, at least from an in-universe perspective--people are primed to think the worst of him from quite early on in the story and the influence of that sticks as he keeps spiraling worse until the prison. Even when he "passes as normal" to the audience bc he's not playing up the villain show to convince people he's too much of a threat to handle, c!Dream-as-the-final-boss c!Dream-as-villain are ideas that very much precede the moments that are most obviously c!Dream wearing the villain title as a mask (which, makes sense--he's not the originator of c!Dream-as-villain as a concept, it's just something he uses to his advantage when the server has already decided that this is Who He Is and then eventually internalizes and attaches to his identity). I think that the big twist for a lot of people, audience and in-universe, comes from poking through the image crafted for him and by him to recognize the just-some-guy behind the villain's mantle -- which is part of why [gestures at the prison arc] like, all of that -- because for a lot of people, regardless of the humanity that c!Dream was literally always played with or even the literal history of the server preserved in vods that many of them had watched live, the power of the story established during the Revolution in and out of canon meant that every problem came him (stated by c!Quackity around the time of Dethronement, objectively untrue at the time) and everything he said was manipulation (gestures at Quackity's chat the day of Mexican L'manburg negotiations) and anything that humanized him was falling for his tricks (poor Bubbles' tumblr post 😭😭😭). It's true that there's no shortage of "just some guy" c!Dream moments to choose from--it's also true, imo, that what really governs c!Dream's story from start to finish is the mask of the villain that he is given and wears and becomes and then the dismantling of it.

[hillbilly---man]

What are three things that shaped who you are?

Any reoccurring dreams?

Three things that shaped who I am.. ��

snopes.com. When I was younger (like.. 12-16. Early 2000s) I was SUPER into fact checking and rumors and being a smug little shit so I spent a lot of time reading articles on snopes to find out what things I'd always heard about weren't true. And also to learn what some of the urban legends/rumors/whatever were because I always felt out of the loop. I spent time on the forums, but I never had an account to post anything. Those forums were my first exposure to a lot of different kinds of people and opinions that have made me who I am. I grew up in rural East Tennessee with a conservative white family so I had a lot of ideas that weren't great. I wouldn't say that the forums were some kind of leftist paradise, but I learned that gay people, Democrats, transgender people, non-christians, feminists, people from other countries etc weren't all that different from me fundamentally. I learned that some of the things that I had accepted as "just the way it is" were actually debated hotly, and that the arguments on the "other" side made some sense. I learned about parts of history that I was never taught, and parts that I was taught wrong. I don't think I'd have ever made it to Tumblr or met any of my friends if I hadn't had that desire to "well actually" grownups who spread bullshit about 9/11

Gorillaz. All my childhood, I was a big fan of country music. LeAnn Rimes was my favorite singer of all time, but I also loved the Dixie Chicks and Kenny Chesney and Shania Twain. All of those 90s Country hit makers. Again.... Rural Tennessee! When I was in 6th grade, I had a friend on the school bus who was also a big pokemon fan like I was. She was also a fan of this new cartoon band called Gorillaz. I'd heard their songs before and I thought it was cool, but it wasn't "my kind of music". Well, long story short: I was moving away and nervously waited til my last day to tell her, but she was out sick and I never got to say goodbye. I felt so bad about it that I got the Gorillaz album lol.. ANYWAY, I don't listen to much country music anymore. I became a huge fan of Gorillaz, branched out into other similar acts (Blur, then other Britpop bands, then similar genres/influences of my favorites, etc). Nothing against country music, but the music I like now is a lot cooler imo... Plus, following Gorillaz fans here from Twitter is how I joined Tumblr in the first place.

Getting shitty grades in college. I started at a community college with the intention of transferring to the University of Tennessee Knoxville to get a marketing degree, but I was really bad at it. I had to retake a bunch of classes, and changed my major a few times (the 2008 recession scared me off of getting that marketing degree). By the time I was ready to transfer, UTK wouldn't take my GPA so I picked a cheap state university 4+ hours away with lower standards. Getting away from my hometown was so important for becoming more independent. Plus most of my friends are from the university I ended up attending. (I was bad at it there too, so lucky me! I was in school so long that I became friends with people who were still in high school by the time my "original" graduation date rolled around)

As for recurring dreams: probably the most common is a dream that I'm back in school and I realize I haven't gone to class all semester and I'm going to fail. (Guess what one of my biggest issues in college was? 🤣)

[blazescompendium]

Shin Megami Tensei is 31 years old today.

image provided by Vesk Scans. Please follow her archiving work!

Yeah, Shin Megami Tensei for the Super Famicom is now 31 years old. It is surprising for me how a game that came out full 6 years before i even give my first breath on this Earth, would be so important for me and my life. But here we are.

Even after playing the entirety of the mainline franchise, and a lot of spin offs, this game still holds its position very well in my heart because it is such a unique game. First, i always loved mythology and religion, so much so that i pursued it as a career. It started when i was little, with the influence of my father who was a scholar (albeit amateur) of those fields. Religion always played a major role in my life, both for the good and the bad, and although i don't actually align with any religion at the moment, i was studying the bible in a religious school since a very early age.

So, when i found out about Shin Megami Tensei, it clicked really, really well with me. I know that it is just a game, and even if it tries a lot to be faithful, as a researcher and scholar of Mythology and Religion we got to say it not always gets it right. But it tries! And when it tries, it can achieve very good results, and that's why i love it so much.

And that was when i was a teen/young adult. Now i grew up a lot, and even started my career in those fields, and still regard this game very high.

The characters are great for me, because i love how this game can be incredibly inclusive. Your main character is not a destined hero, or magical being. It is just an average guy, going to the groceries when the world start to end. He lives with his mom, have its problematic friends, and lives an average life. He always acts like any other person would act, and even his looks are just average.

Now, the thing is that this game did not aged well, but its absolutely playable and very fun to play. The old SMT titles have this ''survival horror'' energy, where you have to take care of resources while advancing in the game. ''Should you use your complete party in this dungeon, since its dangerous, but risk to deplete your MAG stock?'' Stuff like that got me.

And this brings me to how much i hate Atlus as a capitalist company. They made this effort to show us they care about the anniversary of the franchise that kick-started their business, but did not do anything about it. Just shoved merch to the US audience, that is not available anywhere else. Us, from outside, just did not got anything from this ''anniversary''. And i thought the Persona 25th was bad enough lol. But i guess merch hoarders are happy?

And that was a big fucking lie

I honestly don't want anything out of the ordinary. If they could at least port the SNES titles to the Switch Online at the west, because its already available in Japan, i beleive we would be very grateful already. Playing and presenting this games for a new generation is a pain. And i believe Shin Megami Tensei deserves it as a series, not only for its uniqueness but also for everything this IP did to Atlus.

But hey, i guess we are getting something, right? We have a whole new Persona 5 spin off coming next week! I am so hyped to see the same characters, exactly as they were 7 years ago, in another story about teen rebellion or whatever.

Im sorry, SMT. We failed with you. But your legacy will never be gone. I beleive SMT message keeps relevant to this day, and even more so as the time passes by. The world is a very different place then it was in 199X, but still a very divided and extremist place. SMT was the only game of its time to tackle this issues.

Happy anniversary to Shin Megami Tense, as a great game as one of my favorite games of all time. I wish more people could play it at least once!

And yeah, to celebrate i think i will be beating SMT 2 tonight, after lectures!

[dojae-huh]

I am the anon asked your mbti, and you know what, I am intp-a (we are almost the same haha). I totally understand you say that mbti is not a comprehensive measurement to summarize one’s personality. Actually at first I was not very interested in this test too and thought it was just as stereotypical as zodiac sign, however it turns out that my actions and mindset are just too typically intp lol. So I think it makes sense to some extend, like I am attracted to your blog which is written by another intp(Oh and I am also an acquarius). And you are right, the world is ran by emotional people. I suppose it’s becuz emotional words and actions take less time and efforts to influence people and archive the intended goals way more easily, no one would like to spend much more time to think and analyze thoroughly when forming a new opinion. In the fandom this phenomenon appears when fans keep ignoring the obvious facts and trusting in theories that up to their imaginations. I mean how could jaedo and their members all act like nothing happened if they really divorced after an almost 10-year relationship. And why would Jae know every detail about do’s life if they are not close at all. And as you said, every time I saw these clueless words, as an introvert I would only choose to be silent and watch. And your blog just give me comfort when witnessing too much emotional thinking and expressions. You explained what I can’t explain with my poor english lol.

My mother is a psychologist, so I was introduced (and tested) to MBTI way before it became a fad. I have an MBTI tag on the blog, I explained my views on the test more in older posts. Check the tag list, the link is in the header.

Now, Aquariuses being drawn to other Aquariuses is a bigger mystery. It is very often when I really like a person through art/music (self-expression), I find out he/she is another Aquarius. Stars aside, people are born in different climates and cultures, you can't even explain it with weather/sunlight exposure/nutrients levels/the start of school period, heh. It is a persistent delusion in need of explanation.

INTPs belong to the 1st brain type (read "Three brains" tag on the blog), the cortex is strong, the default setting is "sit and think". The majority of people belong to "logic/emotion" combo (2nd brain type), and a big chunk to "emotion" (3d). High cognition and proper thinking takes a lot of energy (neurons eat up sugars, spend neuromedeators and demand oxygen supply), that is why most people, even if they can, don't switch into "processing" mode. Add to it the way the modern education fails people (they are not trained to think, encouraged to emote, are pampered) and how social media propells those who can be flashy,loud and thicksculled (clickbait, emotions=drama=attention=clicks and money).

Finally, people go to social media/fandom to unwind. Even if they are capable of thinking, even if they are well educated, they spend all of their energy reserves they can allocate to "info processing" on studying and daily work. Therefore, even logical people get easily swept by the commotion, their, usually dormant, emotional centres get activated by induced panic (your bias is being attacked! danger!) or online bullying (you! shut up! traitor!). And when emotional brain gets activated, it shuts up the logical brain in all people.

There is no point in arguing with people who believe in their fantasy. They will cling to it and defend it. The only way is to provide your own perspective as an alternative for fans to read.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

hooloooo i see you rebagel a lot of stuff for mcyt... what is that? how do i watch it? it sounds so dramatic and full of lore! thankya!

OH WOW ok!!! alright. sit down because i am about to learn you a thing!!!! so MCYT stands for "minecraft youtube" and it actually encompasses a HUGE amount of youtubers/twitch streamers, minecraft smps, content, and storylines. A LOT of different creators fall under the MCYT umbrella, but the SMPs are probably what you're talking about, because those are FULL of lore. you don't have to watch one to understand another, although some might make references to other SMPs. think of it like... huge DND campaigns but in minecraft. they roleplay as fictionalized versions of themselves and do a lot of improv acting

the servers i'm into right now are the DSMP and QSMP!! the DSMP was a server owned by Dream (who is kind of a shit person which is part of the reason the server ended) but the storyline created by creators on the server like Wilbur Soot, Tommyinnit, Technoblade, and a lot of others was AMAZING. they created this insane story about a small nation who went to war, there was a revolution, an election that resulted in a dictatorship, and so much more. oh my god it was so cool. someone named EvanMC made videos summarizing some major plot points (playlist here), but if you REALLY want to get into it, there's a channel called Blueberry TV that's making full recap videos, and the playlist (here) has like. over 300 videos so far. BUT NOT ALL OF THEM ARE NECESSARY TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING!! you can skip ahead at a lot of points, or even just find a single creator's character you like and watch vods or videos from their point of view. i would highly recommend Wilbur Soot, Tommyinnit, Tubbo, BadBoyHalo, or Quackity because their roleplay was consistently just absolutely insane, but i'd also recommend POVs like Fundy, Captain Puffy, DropsByPonk, or Jack Manifold if you want to explore different viewpoints! I know Wilbur and Tommy have made edited down videos of many of their DSMP vods, so that might be a decent place to start if you're curious (although searching for those in the mess of their other videos might be a hassle lol), or you can skim the wiki if you'd like (here!!!) it officially ended i think late 2022-early 2023 (i can't remember) but the official canon ending to the overall story is really up in the air, so it's mostly left to fan interpretation now.

THE QSMP IS SO GOOD oh my god. it's a huge multilingual server that started around March and is still going!! it was started by Quackity, and the plot really started when a bunch of eggs appeared on the island and the members were paired up to take care of them, with one English speaking creator and one Spanish speaking creator to a pair. eventually five Brazilians were invited to the server, and later some French creators as well!! they're all trapped on this one island by an organization called the Federation, and no one knows exactly what's going on, but there are mysteries to solve and monsters to fight and lots of found family elements in the overall plot. if you want some general recaps, the official QSMP Info channel has a couple videos recapping stuff (link here) and there are channels like Angry Thomas that make bite sized videos (like 5-20 minutes) about some general plot points. Quackity ofc has his own vod channel where you can watch his streams and learn about his character's lore. you can also skim the wiki (link here) to familiarize yourself with some of the characters. if all else fails you can probably make a post asking for the plot and throw it in the qsmp tag here on tumblr and you'll get a decent handful of people in your notes giving you a sparknotes summary. we love talking about our weird little minecraft guys

The DSMP and QSMP are so good in their own ways, the DSMP for its insane improv roleplay and the QSMP for its crazy planned events and and the way it brings multiple communities and cultures together!!! you don't have to watch one to understand the other. i suggest you only get into one at a time because they are both crammed with backstory and lore. i'd recommend getting into QSMP first because it's still going, and once you feel more or less caught up, you can probably test the DSMP waters. they can both get quite heavy in their stories, so if you need a list of trigger warnings or anything feel free to ask and i can def provide :3 if you're intrigued by either of them but don't know exactly where to start, i'd suggest the Blueberry TV playlist for DSMP and the Angry Thomas videos or the Quackity VODs for QSMP. see if there are any creators you enjoy watching and go from there!!!! consuming the stories of these SMPs is a bit difficult because there's so much content, but no one is expected to watch every single video or stream by every creator. a lot of the story gets passed around through word of mouth through the fandoms, so don't feel bad if you feel like you miss anything!!! if you have questions, you can ask just about anyone in the fandoms and they'll probably have an answer!!!

if you're interested but need a little more convincing, feel free to shoot me another ask. i will gladly ramble about my favourite minecraft roleplay characters. it's like my entire life at this point i think it's a problem <3

[papirouge]

Saw a post the other day that was basically like "Yeah, I wish more pro-life supporters spoke up for Palestine but it's higher-up people who have been pro Israel such as politicians and world leaders who are pro-choice" And I think that hits the nail on the head while I do actively call out how hypocritical the pro-life the community has been it is weird the see the pro-choice community act like it is ONLY those who are pro-life are Israel supporting when I could name 10 major celebrities/politicians of the top of my head who are pro-choice and have shown themselves to be zionists yet I don't see the pro-choice community call themselves out.

It still misses the point though: pro lifers are those shouting off the rooftops that they are the only one truly caring about the children, OF COURSE they're going to be held at a higher standards than pro choice celebrities or politicians. It's a matter of consistence. Not every celebrity or politician is pro life as far as I know.

We been knew politicians don't care about kids and women. But it's a problem when those posturing themselves as the true defenders of babies & mothers end up failing at their initial purpose. Pro choicers are absolutely right to call pro lifers out. I'm never been into partisan shit : if pro choicers make a valid point against pro lifers, I'm not gonna get unnecessary defensive about it. If they are right, they are right ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I myself think a significant bunch of pro lifers are misogynists and delulu conservatives eager to control women and weaponize babies to guilt shame them. Otherwise, they don't care the slightest about life, women, or children. Once the baby comes out, those Conservatives don't care the slightest about babies anymore and will vote against policies helping mothers raising kids, and make children to grow in a secure & safe environment (healthcare, welfare, gun control, etc.). If you follow my blog for a while, you'd know I don't f with them and despise them lol I am pro life bc I love life & women and think we deserve more than kill our kin to hussle in this life

Being pro choicer AND pro Israel/Zionist is pretty consistent bc both ideology sustain a "the end justifies the mean" way of reasoning : killing a baby is ok if the mom thinks it will help her with life / killing palestinians civilians is ok if it allows to kill hamas soldier. Pro lifers being wishy washy before the well document images of Palestinians babies/kids and their mothers being brutalized for weeks now are the real hypocrites.

[cmasociety]

Conquering Imposter Syndrome: Elevating Self-Esteem and Confidence to New Heights

Dear reader, have you ever found yourself in a situation where you're doubting yourself? Perhaps you're using harsh labels like "fraud" or "phony," worrying about your competence or qualifications. Don't worry; unfortunately, this is quite common and is known as 'Imposter Syndrome.' Approximately 1 out of 3 people suffer from it, and 70% of individuals will experience it in their lifetime. It commonly occurs when entering new situations, such as a new school, program, or job, where the pressure to succeed, combined with a lack of experience, leads to feelings of inadequacy.

Imposter Syndrome is not limited to new situations; it can also affect individuals who experience low self-efficacy, perfectionism, and neuroticism. Additionally, it may overlap with social anxiety.

If you find yourself grappling with Imposter Syndrome, there are helpful resources available. The Student Wellness Centre offers counseling services, providing support to diminish symptoms and identify the root cause. It's possible that Imposter Syndrome is linked to an underlying concern, such as anxiety or depression. Consider reaching out to professionals, including counselors or psychiatrists, to help navigate through these feelings and conquer any underlying issues. 

Visit the Student Wellness Centre counseling page to explore how you can receive the support you need. Check out additional support provided by the Student Wellness Centre:

ACT on Anxiety 

DBT: Interpersonal Effectiveness 

Managing Your Worry and Anxiety 

Mend Your Mood

Stress-Less Drop In

“Navigating the leap from Science to Humanities” - Jacqueline 

 I experienced major imposter syndrome in my first year of university when I began as a life science student. I felt like everyone was much more qualified, had everything together, and was overall smarter and more capable than I was. I struggled with these feelings for months, especially around midterm and exam seasons when I realized my passion for science wasn't as strong as I had thought (I was also at risk of failing two courses, lol!). Long story short, I was able to change my life course through a lot of introspection, seeking support from the student wellness center, and visiting the academic office. My first year was tough, and I faced numerous mental challenges with my self confidence and in the uncertainty of switching majors. Looking back, I would do it all over again if it meant being where I am today. I encourage you, readers, to have compassion for yourselves and listen to what that inner voice is telling you, remember that you are not alone in your experience! 

“Starting a New Job” - Anastasia

For me, I had major imposter syndrome when I was offered a Teaching Assistant position at Mac. While I jumped for joy at the offer, as soon as that happiness wore off, I felt like I was going to puke from the anxiety! I’d never taught anything before, nor did I think I knew the course well enough to help 25 students learn about the program I am so passionate about. I started to doubt myself, beating myself up and telling myself that I wasn’t the right fit for the position, worried that I’d scare off or impact the education of the students in my tutorial. I would go into my tutorial and reprimand myself whenever I couldn’t answer a student’s question at that moment. But, as we near the end of the semester, I realized that I loved being a TA! It was an awesome and fulfilling experience for me and it showed me to stay positive and believe in myself. Beating yourself up and staying in your head may harm your mental health, while also not allowing you to celebrate your successes! You’ve gotta let go of those negative feelings and just go for it because if you don’t start now, when will you? 

Upcoming Event: Industry Night!

Are you still trying to figure out what to do with that comms, media arts, or humanities degree? Come out to our Industry Night on January 11, 2024 where you’ll be able to network and listen to professionals in all sorts of industries. Did we mention there will also be snacks  👀 For more information visit the CMAS Instagram page. To secure your ticket, visit the CMAS linktree. 

We hope you found some insight on this month’s topic! With exams around the corner we hope you take the time to self-care, reflect, and reach out if you need to. 

Until next time reader, Jacqueline & Stass

[doink-boink]

I feel like reducing him to a "goth twink" is sort of reductive - there's so much more to his character that I and many others find appealing! The recent seasons really don't do him justice. It's occasionally funny when he's just a dickhead for no reason, but he's become this weird bastardization of what he initially was.

Putting the rest under a read more because I YAP.

The earlier seasons actually showcased that he was somewhat competent of what he was doing, being just as knowledgeable as Aviva in tech, but lacking that necessary social skill or care for those around him (including animals), resulting in his constant down fall. They are two sides of the same coin; one who succeeds because of her perseverance and self control, and one who fails because of his laziness and LACK of self control.

Zach is such an emotionally driven character as opposed to rational. He wants his way and he wants it NOW. However, there are times where it comes across as though he is capable of changing! One of the episodes with the Amphi-Trek XT immediately comes to mind in which he almost compliments one of Aviva's inventions! Had Paisley not been there he absolutely would have said it. Connected to that, he is also driven by peer pressure and the want to conform, to be apart of a group, to be VALUED.

Except he never gets that validation! With the villains he makes attempts, in his own convoluted ways, to connect with them! Only to be treated as a pest. Like, they constantly make fun of him lol. In good ol' headcanon land, I feel like if Zach were to be redeemed, it would take some major betrayal or act of pure hatred from the villains. Otherwise he'll stay where he is.

Even from a non-Zaviva context, his relationship with her is so compelling when combined with every other factor in why he is the way that he is! If he'd make an effort to change and learn, like Paisley did, the Kratt crew would be the perfect opportunity for him to have a group of people who would care for him.

I can understand how he is annoying, as someone with what would be considered a whiney shrill voice myself, but everything about him is so interesting. Specifically trying to pick apart WHY he is the way that he is.

Honestly I have never liked calling him a "goth" or a "twink" lol. Though I am really biased against the latter, I feel like EVVVVERRRRYYYYONE calls any effeminate man a twink. Whether they're skinny or not.

TL;DR: Zach is compelling to me because of how complex he is/has the potential to be. Imo there are loads of reasons TO like him! Though I get why someone may feel the opposite.

Why do you hate Zach so much

What is there not to hate about him BESIDES being funny atleast

[butwhatifidothis]

hey so, having just spent the last hour and a half pausing multiple times while reading this analysis + rewrite to savor it like a hearty fucking meal, i'd now like to give my compliments to the chef.

firstly: the analysis. i admittedly have a lot of difficulty seeing the forest for the trees sometimes bc i get so wrapped up in the details that i don’t know how to wrap it all back around, so getting to see it all laid out into a cohesive package was immensely satisfying, thank.

secondly: i've always held the opinion that three houses gave claude the short end of the stick but this rewrite makes me feel nothing less than robbed at what we might have had. and to work within the limited chapters and plot elements the game gives us, my god! (i'll be honest, i'm deeply curious as to what you would have done given free reign of the entire script.) there's so many points i wish had been elaborated/shown off more in-game that you directly addressed here that i don’t even know where to begin, so just imagine me sitting here mentally shouting "yes…… YES" because that's more or less what happened. i think i straight up hollered at the merceus reveal (god bless you, marianne)

god just… if i had the ability to do it justice, i'd write a fic retelling the entirety of WC + VW with this rewrite as the basis. thank you.

!!! Thank you so much!!

I'm glad that it was easy to read, given the length of it lmao - I tried to keep things as organized as I could while writing it. Glad it worked out lol!

And that's basically my feelings regarding Claude as a whole lmao; there's clearly a lot to work with with his character, since it has a solid enough foundation to build off of with his personality, actions, ideals, morals, and all that good stuff. The game just, uh, barely used any of it for some reason. I mainly wanted to show that even if VW stayed a copy + paste of SS regarding its general story, that didn't mean that it had to shaft Claude from having a story catered to his character- and I’m happy to see its reception be pretty good, all things considered! :)

If I were given more free reign over the game, I’d give any sort of possibility for the three countries to keep their independence. The game likes to act like unification is the only way for Fodlan to find peace, while forgetting that TWS sowed the seeds of discord while Fodlan was unified, and then later again once Fodlan was made up of Adrestia, Faerghus, and Leicester. They’re, like, either the direct root cause or an otherwise major factor of anything this bad happening in Fodlan - there’s nearly a 300 year gap of nothing of note happening between the countries, between the Crescent Moon War and the events that happen in the game, and those events all only happen because of TWS. So I’d like to better represent that possibility for peace either way: meet certain conditions and the countries keep their independence, fail them and there’s no other choice but unification. That if nothing else would be the biggest foundational change I’d give 3H - though not just for VW, but for AM and SS too since unification literally isn’t the goal for those routes lmao. Feel it would’ve hit harder if CF was the only route where unification was the only endgame option, given it’s a main motive for its lord unlike the other three routes lol

And 😭😭😭 thank you again for the kind words!! 💞💞💞

[jade-qilin]

Hello dear! Hopefully your doing ok right now. I was wondering If I could get headcanons for yandere kazunari miyoshi with a crush on Mc? Thank you very much for all of your hard work ｡ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

yandere!kazunari miyoshi w a crush | A3!

notes: hi anon! so sorry for the late reply 😭 i did not forget i am just an idiot lol. i’m also going to assume by MC you mean the director? i’m not entirely sure so i’ll write two sets of headcanons just for fun lmao

content warning: the author of this blog does not condone the actions shown below. if you encounter a situation similar to this, please confide in your local law enforcement or a trusted adult. this story is not meant to be taken as a romantic story, but a horror one. it is for entertainment purposes anyway, and the actions should never be re-enacted in IRL situations. MC has gender-neutral/no pronouns

if you’re a classmate:

Kazunari is a social butterfly, but you must have been quite something to catch his eye in such a way

at first, the way he treats you is barely different from how he treats others. he’s testing the waters of course, seeing how you’ll react to his advances and wondering if you’ll be like the others

he’s quite delighted yet also very conflicted when he finds out that you’re different. he’s never felt this way about anyone before, after all

expect you to be his muse in almost anything he does from then on. the new painting for his upcoming exhibit? it’s a drawing of you, though quite obscure. when he has to take inspiration from nature for an assignment? he’s choosing your favourite animal or flower

Kazunari invites you to everything his social circle is doing. karaoke, drinks in the evenings, holidays with Mankai. he really would be elated if you joined

if you decline? no worries! Kazunari has a large social circle as well as an appearance as a party guy to keep up. he’s worked hard to maintain his image; he’s not about to ruin it now

as time goes on however, he starts cracking

it begins when you don’t go to see his plays, whether it’s because you’re busy, because you’re broke, or because you just don’t like plays.

if he sees you going out with your own social circle, he does everything he can to squeeze into it

your majors are different? no problem! Kazu has tons of connections, on top of his knowledge from Mankai plays

it’s really hard for those not close to him to notice the changes tbh. he’s become quite the actor after all

as for his cast members, maybe an intervention is needed…

he’s the type to send lots of cheesy pickup lines and stickers via Instablam

he’ll probably use anonymous accounts to harass you if you block him. it’s best to just mute the chat with him and never answer or read them; then at least you can use the excuse that you’re too busy to check your social media

if you’re the director:

to Kazunari, the director basically saved his soul. joining Mankai was the best decision he ever made, because you’re there everyday

and now he gets to live with you? oh boy…

at first, he shows his obsession with you through small acts: making breakfast specifically for you, running up to you during practice and asking how he did, accompanying you with your errands

he’s still quite conflicted with his feelings though. you’re still the first person to see the “real him”, and one of the first to fully accept him

as such, his obsession is hardly noticeable. he’s like a duckling that imprinted onto you; it’s kinda cute, but nothing out of the ordinary

(especially when all of the other dorm residents look up to their dear director so lovingly, either because of their own crushes or out of admiration)

as time goes on though, Kazunari can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy and irritation whenever he sees you around the other troupe members

it’s increasingly obvious during the times where the Summer Troupe is NOT the ones performing, or when he wasn’t chosen for this round’s mixed troupe play

he’s practically begging Tsuzuru to add him to the cast. it fails most of the time

overall, he’s not a violent person. he doesn’t have the body strength to do anything particularly cruel, nor does he really have the courage

y’all still better sleep with one eye open though, because this man does have connections and he’s not afraid to use them

he knows his way around social media too, and can absolutely ruin the reputation of those he deems as his rivals

the first person to notice a change (of any kind) would either be Yuki or Misumi, then maybe Muku (since they’re roomies)

Yuki is very observant, and he’d notice that Kazunari had gotten more and more distracted

meanwhile Misumi is very in-tune to just general changes all around. he wouldn’t quite understand what exactly is going on, but he knows something’s up with his best buddy

[metvmorqhoses]

i have a headcannon that voldemort never really “punishes” bella when she does something wrong, but his punishments to other death eaters are way way worse & so she’s obligated to act as if vold has given her a worse punishment than he actually has. not that she does a lot of things wrong as his “most faithful” though. i’m talking about the occasional slip up like the department of mysteries thing. had that been someone else, he probably would’ve harmed them more, let alone wouldn’t save then from some witch statue holding them down.

this is very true, anon. so true, in fact, i actually consider this much more a canon fact than mere speculation.

sorry if this is very long, but for every thousand of anti-bellamort idiots there must be a very precise bellamort’s defense attorney lol

correct me if i am wrong, but to my knowledge not once in the books a physical punishment coming from voldemort is ever mentioned in relation to bellatrix - and even if, let's be real, after his "rebirth" she became involved in literally the majority of the most crucial errors, the worst happenings ever, that ultimately brought to no less than his very downfall.

and yet, still, she came out of it all not only unscathed, but treated very specially.

even to a lazy reader, this should at least come across as peculiar.

let’s take the primary example of what i am saying, the battle of the department of mysteries.

just freed from azkaban and after being showered in honors and recognition, the first pivotal mission bellatrix was entrusted with was a damning fiasco.

true, it was not entirely her fault, lucius was in fact “in charge” of it, but let’s be real, do you really think voldemort sent his literal general with that malfoy dandy, his pupil, his most trusted and powerful lieutenant, just for company? just as a henchman? as i have always interpreted it, bellatrix was there to keep an eye on lucius, whose silver tongue was famously more apt to political plotting than to field missions.

voldemort wasn’t trusting lucius with the prophecy that had literally already meant almost death to him once, it would have been madness to. you can say anything about voldemort, but certainly not that he was an idiot.

i actually don’t think he ever trusted lucius at all. lucius had renounced him after his fall and didn’t manage to paint the fact as pragmatically as snape did, the cowardly aftertaste of his betrayal blatant and thoroughly disgusting on voldemort’s tongue. lucius’ status, family name, relations and wealth were just very useful for the movement and likely the only things that kept him in the high ranks of the regime (or alive at all) even before the fiasco, along with his marriage to bellatrix’s sister.

i am positive voldemort was in fact trusting bella to see the prophecy retrieved.

he probably didn’t officially put her in charge because she was still recovering from azkaban and therefore not completely stable or/and already with child (even if i tend to exclude the latter option, since she would have been still entirely too weak for a pregnancy to even take).

still, she was the one with the highest military rank there, not to mention the highest degree of closeness to voldemort, so you can bet she was the one that bore also the highest degree of moral obligation in that delicate situation. and she failed.

knowing voldemort, you would have expected to see killing curses flying left and right. had bellatrix been literally anyone else, she could have easily returned home to a murdered family and a pending death penalty.

instead, you see a voldemort that walks into the ministry of magic. you see a voldemort that, even already knowing the prophecy lost forever, renounces his every advantage and reveals himself once again to the wizarding world, moreover having to fight at the same time his very nemesis (nemesis that the mission should have helped him understand better and therefore defeat), dumbledore (the greatest wizard alive besides him) and soon the entirety of the aurors of britain.

what was exactly the reason that compelled him to enter such a nest of vipers, when he had been unwilling to do so in secrecy and surely in a highest degree of safety before and to retrieve the prophecy himself? to kill harry potter?

the very reason of the mission tells us he wasn’t sure about what to do with his potter dilemma and had therefore decided to have a more cautious, academical approach regarding the matter. he wanted to know the whole prophecy before trying again. he was frustrated and puzzled about harry’s absurd invincibility and insolent luck. do you really think he had decided to go for the hardest battle of his life unprepared and with dumbledore present of all people (whom he didn’t even directly kill afterwards) and possibly hundreds more on the way?

had voldemort suddenly turned from cold strategist to hotheaded kamikaze?

the only plausible answer is that voldemort had purposefully entered the ministry, risking capture and possibly his very life (or at least his newly created body, since at this point the horcruxes are still intact and a secret) and not knowing what exactly was there waiting for him, as a rather valiant rescue attempt and quite an unexpected one too.

bellatrix herself just moments before had laughed at the absurdity of the possibility of voldemort ever entering the place in response to harry’s questioning:

“Get it himself?” shrieked Bellatrix on a cackle of mad laughter. “The Dark Lord, walk into the Ministry of Magic, when they are so sweetly ignoring his return? The Dark Lord, reveal himself to the Aurors, when at the moment they are wasting their time on my dear cousin?”

bellatrix herself believed it an impossible and ludicrous thought and yet, less than half an hour later and her life in jeopardy, there voldemort surely appeared.

you could speculate he wanted to save his most valuable, just freed death eaters and then couldn’t, but there’s no evidence of it in the chapter whatsoever. the only evidence points out to the fact he was focused only on saving bellatrix.

this is in fact what lucius tells his hunting party while harry and co are trying to escape the ambush:

Harry put his ear close to the door to listen and heard Lucius Malfoy roar: “Leave Nott, leave him, I say, the Dark Lord will not care for Nott’s injuries as much as losing that prophecy — Jugson, come back here, we need to organize! We’ll split into pairs and search, and don’t forget, be gentle with Potter until we’ve got the prophecy, you can kill the others if necessary — Bellatrix, Rodolphus, you take the left, Crabbe, Rabastan, go right — Jugson, Dolohov, the door straight ahead — Macnair and Avery, through here — Rookwood, over there — Mulciber, come with me!”

so, la crème de la crème of his high ranks is there and everyone is positive the only thing that voldemort would care about is the prophecy, even above captures and fatalities.

rabastan and rodolphus are also there and yet he doesn’t go for them.

he appeared when harry told bellatrix the prophecy was gone, specifically when bellatrix began to have a manic fit because of it, alone in the ministry’s atrium with harry.

“Potter, I am going to give you one chance!” shouted Bellatrix. “Give me the prophecy — roll it out toward me now — and I may spare your life!”

“Well, you’re going to have to kill me, because it’s gone!” Harry roared — and as he shouted it, pain seared across his forehead. His scar was on fire again, and he felt a surge of fury that was quite unconnected with his own rage.

“And he knows!” said Harry with a mad laugh to match Bellatrix’s own. “Your dear old mate Voldemort knows it’s gone! He’s not going to be happy with you, is he?”

“What? What do you mean?” she cried, and for the first time there was fear in her voice.

“The prophecy smashed when I was trying to get Neville up the steps! What do you think Voldemort’ll say about that, then?”

His scar seared and burned. . . . The pain of it was making his eyes stream. . . .

“LIAR!” she shrieked, but he could hear the terror behind the anger now. “YOU’VE GOT IT, POTTER, AND YOU WILL GIVE IT TO ME — Accio Prophecy! ACCIO PROPHECY !”

Harry laughed again because he knew it would incense her, the pain building in his head so badly he thought his skull might burst. He waved his empty hand from behind the one-eared goblin and withdrew it quickly as she sent another jet of green light flying at him. “Nothing there!” he shouted. “Nothing to summon! It smashed and nobody heard what it said, tell your boss that —”

“No!” she screamed. “It isn’t true, you’re lying — MASTER, I TRIED, I TRIED — DO NOT PUNISH ME —”

“Don’t waste your breath!” yelled Harry, his eyes screwed up against the pain in his scar, now more terrible than ever.

“He can’t hear you from here!”

“Can’t I, Potter?” said a high, cold voice.

specifically, he appears behind bella when she starts to maniacally invoke him, almost as if they had a special mean of communication with each other even from considerable distance.

(here bella is afraid voldemort would punish her and i find the manner of it very interesting, we will come back to it later on)

voldemort was obviously furious the prophecy was lost, but again why risking his own life on top of it? was he perhaps concerned of bella’s mental state now that she knew she had failed and therefore her ability to flee/fight his very nemesis, dumbledore and the aurors?

normally, we would have expected voldemort to stay away and deal with the surviving death eaters later, leaving them to their deserved destiny (as he did with literally everyone else who was there).

instead we have:

“So you smashed my prophecy?” said Voldemort softly, staring at Harry with those pitiless red eyes. “No, Bella, he is not lying. . . . I see the truth looking at me from within his worthless mind. . . . Months of preparation, months of effort . . . and my Death Eaters have let Harry Potter thwart me again. . . .”

“Master, I am sorry, I knew not, I was fighting the Animagus Black!” sobbed Bellatrix, flinging herself down at Voldemort’s feet as he paced slowly nearer.

“Master, you should know —”

“Be quiet, Bella,” said Voldemort dangerously. “I shall deal with you in a moment. Do you think I have entered the Ministry of Magic to hear your sniveling apologies?”

“But Master — he is here — he is below —”

Voldemort paid no attention.

“I have nothing more to say to you, Potter,” he said quietly. “You have irked me too often, for too long. AVADA KEDAVRA!”

even when she literally has just lost his one mean to achieve his every goal of a lifetime, she is “bella”. even when we would expect him to tear her to pieces then and there, he had come to stand between her and harry.

the only reprimand she receives is a scowling “be quiet bella, i shall deal with you in a moment”, as you would speak in public with someone who is very close to you and you are very mad at, who shouldn’t let that closeness slip in public, especially now that she’s making you risk a lot to save her sorry ass.

i find this scene very comic, on top of everything else. voldemort is clearly so done and yet there he is, come to save his sobbing mess nevertheless.

the scene proceeds with dumbledore’s arrival, the duel and bellatrix trapped under the statue. during the duel and just after having trapped bella, we see a really curious exchange:

“You do not seek to kill me, Dumbledore?” called Voldemort, his scarlet eyes narrowed over the top of the shield. “Above such brutality, are you?”

“We both know that there are other ways of destroying a man, Tom,”

Dumbledore said calmly, continuing to walk toward Voldemort as though he had not a fear in the world, as though nothing had happened to interrupt his stroll up the hall. “Merely taking your life would not satisfy me, I admit —”

“There is nothing worse than death, Dumbledore!” snarled Voldemort.

“You are quite wrong,” said Dumbledore, still closing in upon Voldemort and speaking as lightly as though they were discussing the matter over drinks.

(...)

"Indeed, your failure to understand that there are things much worse than death has always been your greatest weakness —”

what is this fate “worse than death”, these “other ways to destroy a man” that dumbledore wants for voldemort? we know how it all ended - with voldemort’s literal death, his very disintegration (after bellatrix’s very own). what was this all about then? this one i’ll let you decide for yourself. it’s certainly peculiar, considered the context.

voldemort doesn’t respond to this, he in fact seems very provoked and sends a killing curse at him.

at the end of the duel he disappears and everyone thinks he fled, bellatrix included, who cries out his name sobbing from under the statue.

he in fact, at that, goes straight to possess harry.

And then Harry’s scar burst open. He knew he was dead: it was pain beyond imagining, pain past endurance —

He was gone from the hall, he was locked in the coils of a creature with red eyes, so tightly bound that Harry did not know where his body ended and the creature’s began. They were fused together, bound by pain, and there was no escape — And when the creature spoke, it used Harry’s mouth, so that in his agony he felt his jaw move. . . .

“Kill me now, Dumbledore. . . .” Blinded and dying, every part of him screaming for release, Harry felt the creature use him again. . . .

“If death is nothing, Dumbledore, kill the boy. . . .”

Let the pain stop, thought Harry.

Let him kill us. . . . End it, Dumbledore. . . . Death is nothing compared to this. . . .

And as Harry’s heart filled with emotion, the creature’s coils loosened, the pain was gone, Harry was lying facedown on the floor, his glasses gone, shivering as though he lay upon ice, not wood. . . .

And there were voices echoing through the hall, more voices than there should have been (...)

“...where’s Voldemort, where — who are all these — what’s —”

The Atrium was full of people. The floor was reflecting emerald- green flames that had burst into life in all the fireplaces along one wall, and a stream of witches and wizards was emerging from them. As Dumbledore pulled him back to his feet, Harry saw the tiny gold statues of the house-elf and the goblin leading a stunned-looking Cornelius Fudge forward.

“He was there!” shouted a scarlet-robed man with a ponytail, who was pointing at a pile of golden rubble on the other side of the hall, where Bellatrix had lain trapped moments before. “I saw him, Mr. Fudge, I swear, it was You-Know-Who, he grabbed a woman and Disapparated!”

“I know, Williamson, I know, I saw him too!”

this passage is ever so interesting to me, because dumbledore’s words appear to have somehow made voldemort “emotional”. they provoked him somehow. he didn’t laugh at them. he linked them to the worst pain imaginable and almost killed harry with it, posing a philosophical dilemma - if such pain is worse than death, if my life is worse than death, why don’t you put this boy out of his misery?

there’s no doubt in my mind “that pain” is voldemort’s pain. a pain intrinsically love-related. voldemort’s problems to accept/understand/feel love are the crux of the saga, his every villainy and pain. it’s so interesting that in this whole scene the train of events and thought have ultimately reached this topic (even in the movie love is mentioned here, harry literally fights the possession telling him he shall never have it).

voldemort was furious with bellatrix, feared for his plans and life and went to save her anyway. he is enraged beyond belief but puts himself between her and harry and dumbledore. while they duel, dumbledore traps bellatrix and lectures him about “other ways to destroy a man” and “worse things than death”. he absolutely hits a nerve. voldemort completely feels what he’s meaning, so much he wants to retaliate and mercilessly - he never wants to be forced to face such things, such emotions. i don’t think he’s trying to kill harry there, he’s trying to prove a point, to make them both understand how it feels to be him, how the whole concept of love feels to him. and the matter is addressed in a scene entirely built around bellatrix. in fact, finally he then grabs her, leaving everyone else to fend for themselves, and flees. he effectively saves her and her only.

to me this whole passage is directly linked to the famous scream at bellatrix’s death, and to the way the events leading to voldemort’s own death unfolded. that scream might very well be that “fate worse than death”. jkr loves parallels and to me this one is perhaps the most beautiful of the series.

this really proves, in my opinion, at what depth their relationship stands, absurdly perhaps much more abysmal on voldemort’s part than on bella’s.

anyways, i took the time to analyze this particular episode because it’s emblematic of their relationship and his way to deal with her disasters.

lucius would carry on his face the signs of this fiasco literally for the rest of the entire series. the malfoys would fall from grace because of it, probably alive only because of bella’s intercession. half of the death eaters who were present at the ministry would end up back in azkaban.

voldemort would end up defeated, furious and destined to die.

bellatrix would come out of it not only physically unscathed, but with voldemort’s child.

even when she again loses the trio at malfoy’s manor (along with the sword), everyone ends up physically tortured but her. she says she fears for her life if voldemort was to know she lost the sword, but it seems more a metaphor than an actual possibility. when the cup is stolen from her vault, he makes her leave the room before murdering everyone in it. she’s not present at dumbledore’s assasination, and that’s because she wasn’t disposable.

i don’t think physical punishments are involved in their relationship, or if they are they are very rare, and i don’t think voldemort’s reactions to her transgressions/wrongdoings are in tune with the way he reacts to everyone else’s.

bella can more than anyone with him and never really loses this status of utter closeness, no matter what she does.

this obviously doesn’t mean that voldemort is a saint with her or that he doesn’t occasionally punish her. this doesn’t mean she isn’t rightfully afraid of him.

yet, the main way i see him actually hurting bella is psychological torture and silent treatment.

and here we come back at what bella was sobbing at the ministry, her desperate “MASTER, I TRIED, I TRIED — DO NOT PUNISH ME —”.

i don’t think a warrior, a general, a woman who remarkably survived 14 years at azkaban, would ever react this way to the mere fear of physical punishment, no matter how cruciatus curses hurt. i think she would have taken it as stoically as possible. thought she deserved it, even.

no, voldemort’s punishments must be unbearable to her, impossible to even fathom, because they involve falling from his graces, from the closeness she lives for. voldemort can serve bellatrix the cold, silent, disappointed treatment of a mentor and a lover, and have bellatrix literally rotting away because of it.

this is truly the worst thing he can do to her and the thing that had her sobbing and having a fit before harry at the mere idea of it.

this is also somehow confirmed when hermione, transformed in bellatrix, meets a death eater (i don’t remember who he was) before entering the gringott. he wasn’t surprised to see bella, well, alive and physically well, he was surprised to see her out of malfoy manor, where she was supposed to be confined.

so yes, definitely the way voldemort deals with bellatrix regarding punishments is special. everything regarding his way of treating bellatrix is, to be honest.

their relationship is written in such a subtle, beautifully twisted way. i adore it. the only problem is that because of it virtually no one ever connects the dots.

[rosiehunterwolf]

let me down gently

Prompts: Anger and Fight

Word Count: 6,465

Characters: Lloyd and Kai

Timeline: During episodes 96 (Into the Breach) and 97 (The Fall)

Trigger Warnings: Strained Parental Relationships, Suffocation, Major Character Death (kind of, u all know Cole didn't really die in this episode)

Summary: The thing about spending nearly every waking moment of the last several years of your life with a group of friends is that you really get to know them, inside and out, so much so that sometimes you know what they’re thinking before they do.

And, sometimes that means it’s easy to overlook what they’re actually trying to say.

(wooo! got my first bingo! what happens now lol)

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The thing about spending nearly every waking moment of the last several years of your life with a group of friends is that you really get to know them, inside and out, so much so that sometimes you know what they’re thinking before they do.

Kai had learned that it was all about being observant. The littlest things could hint him off at what was going on in their minds.

For example, whenever Nya was frustrated with a piece of machinery she was repairing, Kai could tell by the sound of her hammer against the metal. It was more of a dull, clunking sound than the lighter, ringing tone that could usually be heard. Or when Zane was faced with a problem that he was struggling to solve, he would always walk with a slightly stiffer posture. How Jay’s leg would bounce slightly when he was impatient, or how Cole bit his lip when he was focused.

And now, as the ninja stood around Garmadon on the deck of the Bounty, Kai could tell from the look in Lloyd’s bright green eyes that his youngest brother was planning something- something that Kai wasn’t going to like.

“I’m done with your foolishness,” Garmadon growled at the ninja. “You do not have a choice. I will say it once more- I am the only one who can enter the Oni Cloud. Give me a weapon, and let me go, or the Darkness will consume us all.”

“It’s not going to happen,” Lloyd snapped back. “You’re not going anywhere- not without me.”

Kai balked at him. What?!

Lloyd began to walk up to Garmadon, until he was glaring him right in the face. “I’m your son, remember. I’m Oni, too.”

No. The blood was roaring in Kai’s ears, now. Lloyd had come up with plenty of dumb, impulsive plans in his life, but this was on another level entirely. If Lloyd thought Kai was letting him go into the Darkness alone with Garmadon, he was sorely mistaken.

“You are part Oni.” The man reached out, shoving Lloyd, and the green ninja stumbled backwards. Nya quickly caught him by the arm, steadying him, and the others lunged towards Garmadon. Kai barely managed to stop himself from punching the man in the face, dropping into a defensive stance instead when Lloyd pulled away from Nya, evidently unharmed.

“That means you might survive,” Garmadon told Lloyd, ignoring the others glaring at him.

“Well, I guess we’ll find out.”

Oh, you’ll find out all right, Kai fumed as he glared at the green ninja. You’ll find out that this is not happening, as soon as I knock some sense into you.

---

“Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon, have you lost your tiny mind?” Kai grabbed Lloyd’s arm, yanking him into an empty room below deck on the Bounty.

Lloyd stared at him. “Did you just call my mind tiny?”

“Yes, I did, and you deserve it, because you’re being the absolute worst idiot I have seen right now. And I’m friends with Jay, so that’s saying something.”

“Excuse me for trying to help,” Lloyd spat back. “I didn’t see anyone else coming up with a plan.”

“So the only thing you could come up with was chucking your own life into danger? Typical Lloyd move.”

His friend's eyes widened. “You’re one to talk! Do you really need me to go over every risky decision you’ve made? We’ll be here all day!”

“Half of those ‘risky decisions’ have just been trying to get you out of situations that your risky decisions got you into!”

Lloyd’s eyes darkened, and he turned away, beginning to rummage through the cabinets for a suitable weapon. “No one asked you to do that.”

Kai couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He marched forward, put a hand on Lloyd’s shoulder, and forced him around. “You expected me to just leave you. To die?”

“No!” The green ninja answered hastily, although he wouldn’t meet Kai’s eyes. “… I just could’ve taken care of it myself, that’s all.”

Kai snorted. “Right.”

Lloyd shoved his hand away. “I’m serious! I’m not a kid anymore, I don’t need you babysitting me.”

Kai felt like his heart had been impaled as he watched Lloyd turn away from him, back towards the shelves. He felt stinging in his eyes, and quickly pushed the hurt down, letting it give way to anger instead. How dare Lloyd speak to him that way. Kai had spent years caring for him, looking out for him. He had been the one to save him from the Fire Temple, from Morro, had been the one to carry him to Mystaké’s shop when he had foolishly run off to fight Garmadon alone and nearly died-

Sure, Kai had… he had failed him, sometimes. He knew he wasn’t always good enough to protect him, as hard as he tried. But in his defence, Lloyd wasn’t exactly making it easy for him! It was almost as if the boy wanted to die! He was getting an odd sense of déjà vu, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Have you forgotten what happened the last time you left us to fight the villain by yourself? I’m still having nightmares about that night, Lloyd! You nearly died.”

“That was different.”

“Different how?”

“I know what I’m doing,” he insisted. “And I won’t be alone. My dad will be with me.”

Kai’s eyes narrowed. “Oh great, now I’m so reassured.”

Lloyd shot him a look so venomous that Kai nearly faltered. What was that about?

“Look, Lloyd, I’m just trying to watch out for you! Can’t you see that the Cloud is dangerous? Cole was only in it for a second, and we nearly lost him. I don’t want to lose you, too.”

Lloyd sighed. “I know. But someone’s gotta do it, and my father said that my Oni blood will protect me.”

“He also said your human blood would make you weaker. He never guaranteed you would survive, and, frankly, even if he did, I wouldn’t trust him.”

Lloyd’s gaze went hard again. “Of course you wouldn’t. You’ve never trusted him. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve had a vendetta against him, and that’s no different now.”

“Lloyd, don’t be ridiculous, you know that’s not true. He was our sensei at one point, remember? I accepted him then! It’s only the Devourer venom I don’t trust. He said it himself- he couldn’t be trusted with the venom flowing through his veins.”

“Yeah, well the venom’s gone now, isn’t it? And I don’t see you acting any different than those first days.”

“Lloyd, he’s different now, and you know it. He’s not Sensei Garmadon anymore.”

“So that automatically means we can’t trust him?”

“No! But I can list a hundred other reasons why we can’t!” Kai began counting off on his fingers, “He tried to kill you, he tried to kill us, he tried to kill Wu, he destroyed the Bounty, he destroyed the city, he imprisoned our friends, he created a giant stone Colossus to try and destroy us, he’s Oni-”

“I’m Oni, too,” Lloyd snapped. “Does that mean you don’t trust me?”

“Lloyd, stop being stupid-”

“Oh, so now I’m stupid!”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“So what did you mean?”

Kai sighed, rubbing his temples. “You’re only part Oni. Things are different.”

“But what if I wasn’t? What if I was full Oni? You wouldn’t trust me then?”

“I never said that.” “You literally just did.”

Kai glowered at him. “Look, it doesn’t matter- Lloyd, you’re my friend. I’ve known you for years, I know you’re trustworthy because you’ve never done anything to prove me otherwise.”

“If you trust me so much, then why aren’t you acting like it now?”

“I do trust you! I still do, and I always will. But I also know your judgement tends to get clouded when it comes to people you care about. And, I’m sorry Lloyd, but your father does not deserve to be on that list. Not anymore. Ever since he’s come back, he’s done nothing but prove to me that he doesn’t care about you. At all.”

Lloyd froze, a shadow falling over his face. Kai reached for his hand, but he jerked back, gritting his teeth.

“Oh, come on, Lloyd, I know you’re trusting, but this is ridiculous! Have you forgotten what he’s done to you?”

“You don’t get to talk,” Lloyd choked, his voice suddenly sounding wet. “You don’t know what it’s like. What I’ve been through.”

Kai stopped, blinking at him. “What?”

“You don’t know! You never had to watch your dad be an evil warlord for your whole life, never had people telling you that your entire destiny was to defeat him!”

Kai felt his anger dissipate. “Lloyd-”

But the green ninja wasn’t done. “You never had to fight the one person who came back for you when everyone else turned their backs on you, only to get him back as someone completely different than the person you remembered! You never had to suffer through those long weeks, those long months, struggling to reconnect with him after the rift that had been torn between the two of you. You never had to deal with only having your father back for a couple years before losing him again, just when you had finally been getting to know him again! You never had to suffer through that loss, thinking about him every day for the next few years, just starting to get over him when suddenly you found out he was coming back again! You never had to fight so hard to keep him from coming back, even though a small part of you really wanted to see him again. You don’t know what it was like to get a chance to reunite with him, only to have him nearly kill you, and then be forced to recruit him to help you. You don’t know what it’s like to have half of your brain remembering him as this horrible, sadistic monster that absolutely cannot be trusted, but the other half remembering him as a good man, as your true father, and feeling like there’s still some of that in there, and maybe you can have that back!”

By this point, Lloyd was crying, hard, and Kai felt like his heart was going to shatter. “Lloyd. I’m sorry bud. I’m so sorry. But you’re going to have to trust us. Your team. We’ve always been here for you, even when your dad wasn’t.”

“You still don’t get it!” Lloyd was borderline yelling by this point. “I can’t! I can’t forget everything he’s done- both the good and the bad! You can’t possibly understand how angry I am at him but how much I love him! He left me! He hurt me! But he is the only person who loved me from the very beginning- even you thought I was some washed-up street rat when we first met!”

The pressure building in Kai’s chest suddenly snapped, and he found himself yelling right back at Lloyd. “I don’t know what it’s like? Have you forgotten what my father did? I lived the majority of my life thinking that he had abandoned me! For a five-year-old kid, that was the scariest thing of my life- I didn’t know what to do, and everything was resting on me. It took me years to get over that, to get over them and to move on, and then- then I figured out they were alive and now everyone was saying that they were good and that this wasn’t their fault- that everything was okay now. But it wasn’t okay- they had left me, burdened me, and as much as I knew they hadn’t done it on purpose, I couldn’t forget all those years of pain. Even Nya thought I was being crazy, tried to stop me from lashing out at them. She didn’t understand. She was the younger sibling, she wasn’t burdened with my responsibility. If anyone could understand me, I would’ve thought it would be you.”

“It’s not the same!” Lloyd’s voice was shrill. “You still have years ahead of you- years to talk and reconnect. You think I didn’t go through the same thing with my father after he was cleansed from the venom? I thought we would have all the time in the world! But now we’re back at square one again, but worse- square zero- and this time he won’t even listen to me! He doesn’t remember me, he doesn’t remember himself, he doesn’t remember anything except hatred.”

“Then why are you so eager to listen to him again?”

“I can’t let him go again! Not like last time!”

“This isn’t like last time, Lloyd! Why won’t you listen to us? Since when did you start trusting Garmadon’s judgement over mine?” “The moment you stopped listening to me and tried to make everything about yourself!”

Kai stared at him in disbelief. Lloyd was seriously calling him selfish right now? He had just poured out all his insecurities about his parents, ones that he didn’t want to share but did anyway to try to help Lloyd see he wasn’t alone- and the brat had the nerve to call him selfish?

“I can’t believe you! I’ve done nothing- nothing- but try to help you and care for you since you joined our team. And you have the audacity to pin this on me. You know what? Go! Go with your father into that dumb Cloud! Since you obviously care about him so much more than you do me!”

“I will,” Lloyd shot back, already storming out of the room.

“Don’t come crying to me when you suffocate in there! At least you’ll be with your dear old pops!”

Lloyd turned around when he reached the doorway, their shouting match quieting as he responded in a low voice.

“Trust me, I’m not going to be crying to anyone.”

There was a loud bang as Lloyd slammed the door shut, and Kai was alone.

---

Zane walked quietly down the hallway of the ship, stopping in front of Nya as she slowly backed out of a room, pulling the door shut softly behind her.

“Any luck?”

She shook her head. “He won’t even talk to me, not to mention tell me what happened.”

“Kai isn’t budging either. He asked me how close we were to the city, and what Garmadon was up to, but refused to even mention Lloyd.”

“I’ve never seen Lloyd like this, Zane, he was… he was upset. Angry. I think they fell out, but… I don’t know why, or how…”

“It has to be about the Cloud. Kai was pretty upset when Lloyd announced his plan.”

“I’m upset too!” she snapped. “It’s a horrible plan! He’s going to get himself killed! But you know how Lloyd gets when he sets his mind on something. And Kai can get… snappy when he’s worried about someone important to him. I’m worried things have been taken too far this time, though.”

Nya buried her face in her hands, and Zane put a hand on her shoulder. “Nya, it’s going to be alright. It’s not like they haven’t fought before. They’ll make up quickly, like they always do.”

“Yeah, but it’s never been this bad before! Lloyd was really upset, Zane! He always talks to me, comes to me, when he’s having a hard time, especially if it’s with Kai, but…” her voice dropped to a whisper. “This time is different.”

“Have you forgotten everything they’ve been through?” Zane reminded her. “Their friendship has survived the green ninja prophecy, Chen’s staff, a possession, many near-death experiences, and realm-hopping. I think they can handle one argument.”

Nya didn’t look so reassured, so Zane looped his arm around her. “They’re going to be fine. They always are.”

Nya wiped a sleeve across her eyes, sniffing. “I know. I just worry about them.”

“It’s great, how much you look out for them, but there are some things that Kai and Lloyd must resolve on their own.”

Nya nodded, slowly stepping back from the door of the room where Lloyd was.

A faint beeping sounded from above them, and Zane quickly checked his internal GPS. “Now, we should head back above deck. It won’t be long before we reach Ninjago City, and the outskirts of the Oni Cloud.”

“The time is nearly upon us,” Nya whispered. “Soon, the fate of Ninjago will rest in our hands.” Her nose wrinkled. “Again.”

---

Kai stared over the deck of the Bounty, his jaw slack as he surveyed the landscape below. The entirety of Ninjago City was covered in a thick, black smog, only the tips of some of the taller skyscrapers emerging from it.

A sickly black tentacle reached up below them, curling up towards the fins on the rear of the Bounty, lapping gently against the wood. Nya put on a burst of speed, and the Bounty pulled from its grasp, leaving the tentacle to lurk hungrily, before it slowly receded back down into the Cloud.

A shiver slipped down his spine, and he gritted his teeth. He couldn’t believe the others had agreed to send Lloyd down there.

“This will allow us to see what’s happening inside the Cloud.”

Kai turned to see Zane slipping what looked to be a GoPro over Lloyd’s head. “We can watch the camera feed from the monitor screens of the Bounty.”

Lloyd was shifting from foot to foot, looking nervous. As he should be. How long will it take for him to finally realize how dangerous this is?

Lloyd wasn’t the only one looking frightened. From where she stood up by the steering wheel, Nya was watching Lloyd apprehensively, nibbling on her lip. Jay stood at Lloyd��s side, double and triple checking to make sure the armor pieces fastened to his gi were strong and secured. Cole was leaning back against the mast, arms crossed over his chest as he surveyed them all with dark eyes.

“What’s our plan for extraction?” Cole asked gruffly. “If we’re doing this, we need a clear plan before you leave. There’ll be no room for mistakes down there.”

“We’ll wait here with the Bounty while he’s down there,” Zane explained. “When he’s made it back, we’ll drop the anchor so he can climb the chain.”

“I installed a tracking device in the camera,” Nya added, “so if something goes wrong, we can come pick you up elsewhere.”

“Hopefully nothing will go wrong,” Lloyd muttered.

Nya shook her head. “I’ll say.”

“Did you guys check the parachute? Does it feel alright, do you want me to-”

“Jay.” Lloyd said firmly. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Jay sighed, running a hand through his curly locks. “I’m just not sure about this, Lloyd.”

“Guys. I have to do this. I’m gonna get in, grab the Realm Crystal, get out. No problem.”

“No problem?” Kai growled. “Yeah, except for the freezing black tentacles, deathly fog, and swarms of Oni you’re forgetting about. Oh, and wait, your father.”

“Kai, can we not get into this now,” Lloyd grimaced.

“If we don’t get into it now, when will we get into it?” Kai pulled back from the railing, walking over to him. “Once you go, there’s no turning back.”

His eyes flashed. “I’m aware of the consequences. I’m doing it.”

Kai groaned. “You’re not even listening to me!”

“And you’re not listening to me. Do you have another plan?”

“I’m sure we could come up with something better than this.”

“Yeah? Well, you haven’t!” he snapped, loudly.

Kai said nothing, glaring at him.

“The people of Ninjago City are in danger. Many of them are already lost, and I only hope that we can save them. Someone has to help, sooner rather than later. And right now, me and my father are the only ones who can.”

“Well, maybe not you,” Jay squeaked, looking nervous to impede on their argument.

“Jay’s right, you’re taking a huge risk.”

“I’m a ninja!” Lloyd threw up his arms. “Risk is part of the job description.”

There was silence at that.

Really, what could they say? To deny it would be to put down every risk they had ever taken, every consequence they had ever faced.

But so many of them had ended in disaster- Zane’s death, Chen’s staff, Morro’s possession, Wu getting lost in time, and of course, Lloyd’s initial face-off with his resurrected father- and Kai was wondering when they would finally draw the line.

Sooner or later, their luck was going to run out. Sooner or later, they would get themselves into a mess they couldn’t get out of.

---

The ship slowed to a halt in front of Borg Tower. The tallest building in the city, it stretched far above the Cloud, but as Lloyd peered down, he saw that the bottom of it just seemed to disappear, getting swallowed by the blackness.

“This is the closest I can get,” Nya announced, descending the ladder as she hopped down to the deck with them. “You’re going to have to take it from here.”

Garmadon said nothing, stepping up to the edge of the rail to peer over the edge.

Pixal beckoned to him, and Lloyd walked over, standing patiently as she fiddled with his GoPro.

“Zane?” she called back to the nindroid, to where he had climbed back up towards the monitor. She waved at Lloyd’s camera, and Zane gave her a thumbs up.

“It’s working. For now. The reception might break up a little when he actually goes into the Darkness, but hopefully it will last us a while, at least.”

“And the GPS?”

“Signal is on point.”

“Voice feed? Can you hear me through the comms?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Good.” Pixal stepped back from him, nodding. She hesitated for a moment, her green eyes flashing. “Lloyd… just be careful, okay? Your life isn’t worth the Realm Crystal. We can always come up with another plan.”

Lloyd swallowed. Suddenly, this whole thing was beginning to feel a lot more real.

Apparently, he wasn’t the only one thinking this, because Kai walked over to him. Lloyd flinched, expecting him to yell again, but his voice was soft.

“Lloyd. If you… if you really trust your dad so much, you should let him go. Alone.”

Lloyd bit back a sigh. “I don’t trust him.”

Kai blinked. “You literally just told me earlier that you-”

“No, I said it was complicated.” Lloyd breathed out slowly, running his fingers through his hair before his voice came out too sharp. “I trust him enough to not get me killed, but not enough to bring the Realm Crystal back on his own.”

“Look, Lloyd, you don’t have to do this.”

Lloyd glared at him. “Yeah, I do. I’m going, end of discussion.”

“Please don’t go. Look, I’m sorry about what I said earlier, okay? I’ll make it up to you. Please don’t base this decision off of that.”

Kai’s eyes were looking suspiciously shiny now, and Lloyd bit his lip. He was still mad at Kai, but Lloyd hated fighting with him. Maybe he should-

No. Lloyd shut down that train of thought fiercely. He couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him.

Sure, this was Kai he was talking about- not Harumi, or his father. He knew Kai would never try to take advantage of him, but- he was also biased. Lloyd wanted to listen to his own judgement, for once. The best decisions were always made with a clear head, anyways.

He forced his voice to be hard as he spoke. “I made this decision plenty of time before that conversation.”

Ignoring the look on Kai’s face, he turned and walked towards the edge of the deck, pulling his sword out of the rack. It was about time he finished this.

---

Kai hurried over to her looking half in tears.

“So I’m guessing that’s a ‘no’ on talking him out of it?”

Kai gripped her shoulders, tight. “He won’t listen to me Nya, I think he’s still angry with me. I can’t change his mind. Nothing I say will change his mind. You need to talk to him, please. Maybe he’ll listen to you.” “I wouldn’t get your hopes up, Kai. He may not be upset with me, but you know how stubborn he gets when he sets his mind on something.”

“Can you at least try?”

Nya looked at him, and after a moment, let out a sigh. “Fine.”

Her footsteps were quiet as she walked over to the green ninja, who was sheathing his sword. He didn’t look at her, but he knew she was there, that Nya was certain of.

“I have no idea what he said to you, earlier… but he’s just worried about you, y’know.”

Lloyd snorted. “Sure has a funny way of showing it.”

“I’m serious, Lloyd. This is dangerous. Perhaps one of the biggest risks we’ve taken yet. What you said earlier was true- taking risks is part of the job- but that doesn’t mean we can’t be careful. Can’t worry.”

Lloyd sighed. “I know- and I’m not expecting you not to. But sometimes, certain things have to be done, and… you just have to endure the worry for the sake of others.” He eyed her. “Kind of like you’re doing now.”

Nya side-eyed him, and he smiled slightly. “I can tell. You’ve been pacing.”

She breathed out slowly. “You’re right. But that’s not an easy thing to do. Especially for those who love you and care about you very much.”

Lloyd looked down. “Just get it over with.”

“What?”

“He sent you over here to talk me out of it, didn’t he?”

“Technically, yes… but he’s not my team leader. I don’t have to listen to anything he says.”

Lloyd looked up, his brilliant green eyes meeting her much tamer, softer brown ones.

“Why aren’t you going to try to change my mind?”

“Because I know what a stubborn brat you are,” she teased, cuffing him over the head. He shook her off, scowling as he straightened his hair.

“Seriously, though. I wouldn’t be sending you in if I wasn’t certain you were strong enough to handle yourself.”

Relief flooded his expression. “So you get it! Why doesn’t Kai? Why doesn’t he just trust me?”

“He trusts you,” she said firmly, and Lloyd blinked at her, surprised. “He trusts you more than you will ever know.”

“Then why is he so upset about me doing this?”

“Just because you know someone is capable doesn’t mean that you’re not going to worry or fear the worst when they have to do something dangerous. Kai’s a big brother. It’s his job to be overprotective! He’s just trying to look out for you.”

“I’m not a kid anymore. Sometimes I need to look after myself.”

“Kai’s afraid of losing you, Lloyd. He knows you’re strong. He knows you’re capable. He trusts you completely. But bad things can happen to even the best people. He doesn’t want a world without you in it. None of us do.”

Lloyd was silent at that, toeing at the ground with his foot. “I’ll be careful,” he said after a long while.

“You better be.” She reached forward, squeezing his hand. “Just know that he comes from a place of love, okay?”

“Are we going to just stand here all day?” Garmadon snapped, stalking over to him. “Or should I just go without you?”

“No,” Lloyd insisted, wiping at his face with his sleeve. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

Garmadon shot a pointed glance at his sword. Lloyd sighed.

“Cole, give him a sword.”

The black ninja grabbed a katana, eyeing the Dark Lord with thinly veiled suspicion. “Are you sure about that?”

Lloyd nodded.

Cole tossed the sword at Garmadon’s feet, and he picked it up, surveying it slowly. The ninja and Pixal watched him apprehensively.

Suddenly, Garmadon was lunging at Cole, and before Nya could react, Kai was screaming at him to look out as he charged Garmadon, the sharp screech of metal sounding as his sword clashed with Garmadon’s. The man pushed past them, running towards Lloyd and Nya, and Lloyd quickly charged up his powers, hands glowing as he held up his fists protectively.

Garmadon darted to the side, wisely avoiding his son’s powers, and Nya blocked him with her spear, pinning him down as she caught him off guard.

Zane’s arrow flew past, and Garmadon rolled out of the way, causing her to lose her grip on him as he shot to his feet again, sending her flying with a sharply delivered kick to the gut.

Nya staggered to her feet, panting, just as Pixal was flung past her. Hurrying over, she helped her friend to her feet, and the two fell into battle stances behind the rest of the crew, who were now watching Garmadon through slitted eyes.

“Try that again!” Cole dared. “Now that I’m ready!”

Garmadon glared at them, raising a fist. Suddenly, it burst into purple flames, and the ninja recoiled, gasping.

His powers are back? How? “That’s better,” Garmadon rasped, grinning. Then, with a running leap, he launched himself off the side of the ship.

There was silence for a moment, before Cole burst out, “Okay, what the heck was that?”

“Conflict fuels him!” Lloyd said, walking forward.

“He was powering up!” Zane agreed.

“He did that just to get his powers back?” Jay cried.

Cole grimaced, marching up to Lloyd. “I. Do. Not. Trust. Him!”

Nya felt her stomach flip. She was starting to regret giving Lloyd that pep talk, now. Sure, she believed in his ability to take care of himself, but… Garmadon had his powers back, now? Lloyd’s powers were nothing to be scoffed at, but… they paled in comparison to Garmadon's. Those powers were what had nearly gotten him killed the last time. What would happen if Garmadon needed to “power up” again? Would he turn on Lloyd? And this time, he wouldn’t have his team to help him.

Seeing the look in her youngest brother’s eyes, Nya suddenly felt the urge to hold him back, and she grabbed his shoulder tightly. “Lloyd. Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

Lloyd hesitated, gazing at his teammates, who looked back at him with fearful gazes. He bit his lip.

Please say no, please say no, please say-

“No.”

Nya blinked. Well, that was easier than expected-

“But I don’t really have a choice,” he added, and before Nya could react, he was ripping away from her, running across the deck of the Bounty-

And jumping off the side of the ship.

---

“Lloyd!” Nya screamed, and Kai was suddenly pushing his way past her, running to the edge of the ship to peer over the side.

Lloyd was plummeting, down, down, down, until the green of his gi vanished and the Darkness swallowed him up. Kai swore, curling his fingers into the handrail.

The others had joined him, Nya leaning over so desperately that Cole had to pull her back. Unease crackled in the air as they blinked at each other.

“The camera feed!” Zane cried suddenly. “Come on!”

The nindroid hurried towards the monitors, the rest of them not far behind. Kai held his breath as Zane’s fingers flew across the keyboard, until a hazy purple image appeared. Dark, lurking outlines blurred past, as if in motion, until they suddenly slowed, Lloyd’s feet swinging into view.

“He opened his parachute,” Zane breathed.

Jay squinted at the screen, leaning forward. “I can’t see anything… except for that weird, purplish smoke.”

“Wait,” Cole pointed at the shadows, which came into better view as the fog began to thin slightly. “There’s some sort of building there.” He recoiled as something dark slithered across it. “What is that?”

“They look like…” Nya narrowed her eyes. “Tentacles, or something.”

“Eugh! Those are the things that tried to grab me, earlier!” Cole cried.

Kai bit down on his lip, only just stopping himself before he could draw blood. “Be careful, Lloyd.”

After a moment, the ground drifted into view, and Lloyd stumbled to a halt as his feet reached it, releasing his parachute.

As he looked around, the camera turned with his head, and Kai felt himself shudder at the creepy, desolate landscape that had once been their city. It was cruel, how much something could change in only a day.

Lloyd coughed, clearing his throat, and Kai’s attention was drawn back to him, frowning.

“Lloyd? Are you okay?”

There was no response, except for another, heaving cough, and Kai felt his heart drop, turning to Zane. “Can’t he hear us?”

Zane’s eyes flashed, hitting a few things on the control panel. “He should be able to, unless the reception has been blocked already, which frankly, I doubt-”

Lloyd’s hands flew to his mouth as he wheezed, a horrible, strangled sound. He gasped for air, and suddenly he was falling to his knees, the camera flickering.

Kai felt like he was having a heart attack.

“He’s suffocating!” he cried, reaching out and grabbing Nya’s arm, shaking her. “He can’t breathe, I told you this was a horrible idea, we have to get him out of there!”

Nya’s voice trembled. “Hurry, drop the anchor, he needs to get out now!”

“He can’t even stand, how is he going to climb the chain?”

“If he can't, I'll go down and get him.”

“You can’t do that, Kai, you’ll be dead within seconds!”

“What other choice do we-”

“Guys!” Zane cried, breaking over the clamor. “He’s okay now. His breathing has stabilized.”

Kai turned to the screen, seeing that Lloyd had pushed himself to his feet and was walking over to Garmadon. His breathing had stopped the horrible rasping, but it was still too heavy.

Nya slumped against him, rubbing her hands over her face. “This kid’s going to be the end of me.”

“Why is he going away from us?” Kai snapped. “Tell him to get back on the ship!”

Zane blinked at him. “The whole point of the mission is to get the Realm Crystal, is it not?”

“Not at the cost of his life!” “Of course not.” Zane reached forward, squeezing his arm gently. “But he is fine now. Trust me, I will be the first to inform you if his breathing becomes irregular again.”

Kai pulled his hands over his face, screaming into them. “Wake me up when this horrible nightmare is over!”

---

“There’s more to life than surviving!”

Lloyd’s scream made even Garmadon flinch back as the green ninja raced off, vanishing below deck. Kai watched him anxiously, and he felt Nya slip her arm out of his grasp.

“I’m okay, Kai. Go.”

Giving her hand one last squeeze, he ran after Lloyd, shooting Garmadon a fierce glare as he passed.

When he finally found Lloyd, he was in their bedroom, curled up on his bed, crying softly.

Kai sat down next to him, the mattress sagging slightly lower beneath his weight. After a moment of silence, he reached out a hand and began to rub Lloyd’s back gently.

“You were right,” he gasped suddenly. “I should never have left. The plan didn’t even work. It’s my fault, I should’ve been there, I could’ve- I could’ve-”

“Lloyd, you couldn’t have done anything,” Kai insisted, giving up with subtlety and pulling Lloyd against his side. “No one could’ve.”

Lloyd didn’t seem to hear him. “Why did I trust my father, you were right, I never should’ve done that, I was being stupid as always, I thought we could- I thought maybe things would go back, but- no, you tried to warn me, and I was horrible to you-”

“Lloyd, Lloyd stop, breathe,” Kai begged, grabbing his hands and desperately trying to pull them off of his head, where he was digging in his nails. “Stop, please, I don’t care about any of that, I forgave you ages ago.”

Lloyd took a shuddery breath, loosening his hands enough for Kai to move them, and letting his head rest in Kai’s lap. “Ages ago? We just had the argument earlier today.”

“Yeah, well, I’m quick at forgiving.”

Lloyd huffed softly. “No, you’re not.”

“For you I am. That’s what family’s for, right?”

Kai immediately regretted his choice of words as Lloyd flinched. “I mean, true family. The one you chose, not the one you’re related to by blood.”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

Kai let his breath out slowly, leaning back on the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Lloyd, and paused as it hit against something hard.

Looking back, he saw it was a photo frame. Sucking in his breath, he picked it up.

The glass was cracked, but the picture behind it was perfectly clear. In it, Sensei Garmadon was standing in front of the Monastery, an arm slung around Lloyd. Although their former sensei was standing stiff, as usual, a rare smile was playing on his lips. And Lloyd- Lloyd’s grin was all teeth, his eyes practically sparkling as he gazed at his father. He looked so happy it made Kai’s heart hurt.

“Did you…”

Lloyd looked up as Kai trailed off, pulling himself into more of a sitting position, and his gaze found the photo. His eyes darkened, but he took it from Kai’s hands, anyway. He stared at it for a moment, his face unreadable as he traced his fingers along the cracks, then, suddenly, he was throwing the frame across the room, where it shattered against the floor loudly. A sob caught in his throat, and he wiped at his eyes.

Kai wrapped his arms around him in a hug, noticing as Lloyd flinched, hard, when he squeezed his arm. He made a mental note to make him go to the medbay later, but for now, he didn’t push it.

“Kai?”

“Hm?” “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier.”

“Bud, there’s nothing to be sorry about. We both made mistakes. But it’s over now. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.”

“No,” Kai breathed out, running a hand through his hair as tears stung in his eyes. “You’re right. It’s not.”

Lloyd whimpered, curling closer. “He’s gone, Kai. How can anything ever be okay again?”

“I don’t know, bud. Maybe it won’t be. But you know what? We keep going. Wherever life takes us, we keep on going, and we don’t give up.”

“It’s hard to keep going.”

“Then we just hold on. As tight as we can.”

Lloyd sobbed into the side of his gi, and Kai buried his face in Lloyd’s hair as tears slipped down his cheeks. Never again, was he going to take this for granted. He had already made that mistake with Cole.

And for that, Kai made sure to grip on a little tighter.