#(discovered my hate for love triangles)

[valewritessss]

Wait I never got much into Sokeefe bc I was more focused on all the other characters and bc little me had just discovered that there’s a 50/50 chance you pick the wrong love interest in a love triangle so sokeefe was the last thing on my mind but seeing quotes on my feed is making me want to read it again but this time expecting sokeefe

[solxamber]

Trash Novel Chronicles: My Consort Calls Me Shrimpy || Floyd Leech

You get isekaid into a novel where the perfect Empress got absolutely wrecked by the plot, and now you have to juggle a bland heroine, a traitorous consort, and a delightfully unhinged eel who’s oddly good at solving your problems.

Series Masterlist

You’re about three hours deep in line, squashed between a woman wearing an unsettling amount of dragon-themed jewelry and some dude intensely vaping in front of you. The line inches forward at the pace of continental drift, and you’re in no mood to be here.

You're here out of pure, misguided loyalty to your best friend, who’s practically shaking with excitement at the idea of meeting their favourite author—the world-renowned queen of girlboss fantasy.

In a valiant effort to distract yourself from your eternal boredom, you pull up her previous novels on your phone. Maybe, if you understood her work better, you’d understand why people would willingly spend this many hours standing on asphalt.

After skimming through some of her top titles, you can barely believe these are real book plots: Slaying the Patriarchy with My Stilettos? Lipstick and Blood Magic? Each one more ridiculous than the last, filled with protagonists who blast their enemies with a "feminine fury" and, honestly, you're just not buying it.

Why did I agree to this? you think, suppressing the urge to gnaw on your own hand out of boredom.

Suddenly, you spot a stray bird above—a pigeon, wobbling through the sky like it's had one too many lattes. You barely register the bird's existence until it lets out an alarming squawk and, in a tragic twist of fate, plummets from the heavens right towards your head.

In a perfect shot, it bonks you directly in the face, knocking you backward with an impressively dramatic flair. You spiral down, your vision blurring as you fall in slow motion, gasping.

In the last seconds of your consciousness, as chaos erupts around you, one solemn thought echoes through your mind: I hate pigeons.

And with that, you drift off into oblivion, serenaded by the panicked cries of your best friend and the distant wail of someone’s Lipstick and Blood Magic audiobook playing on full blast nearby.

You wake up, blink, and immediately realize that your bed is both way too luxurious and way too large. Rich, velvet curtains drape around you, shimmering with gold embroidery.

A chandelier overhead sparkles with enough jewels to fund at least three public libraries. The air smells like a mixture of incense, rose petals, and maybe faint hints of… burning tyranny?

Oh, dear God. You’ve been isekai’d.

Straight into that novel you were doom-scrolling through to survive the crushing boredom of line-waiting.

Your mind reels back to the summary you’d read. The heroine, a weepy maid with all the emotional range of wet toast. The consort, a charming traitor with “dreamy eyes” who betrays his own Empress for said toast. And then, of course, the villainess.

That poor, genius Empress who actually had talent and ambition, who could annihilate anyone with a flick of her wrist and yet was somehow destined to lose it all because of a love triangle involving a glorified housekeeper.

And now—you are that Empress. The Villainess Extraordinaire, Scourge of Kingdoms, War-Waging Prodigy, Mary Sue on Steroids… and now you're stuck in this tragic play of bad romance tropes.

You shoot upright in bed, taking it all in. Lavish room. Silk sheets. Jewels littered around like confetti. And then you notice a presence by your bedside. You whip your head to see… her. The heroine.

She's standing there, looking down at you with the wide-eyed wonder of someone who hasn’t yet discovered a single personality trait. Her face is soft, angelic, and you already know that beneath those doe eyes lies… absolutely nothing.

She's here to dress you, a task that apparently requires thirty minutes of excessive hair-braiding, enough layers to construct a mattress, and endless, mind-numbing conversation about the consort.

Oh, right. The consort. Your dear, disloyal boy toy who’ll soon be scheming against you. He’s probably off somewhere sharpening his cheekbones in a mirror, wondering if he can pull off “soulful yet traitorous” in the same expression.

The heroine starts tugging on your hair, a bit too enthusiastically for your taste. "Your Majesty," she coos, “Your consort was asking for you yesterday. He misses your attention."

You mentally scream. I'm running an empire, Susan! Who cares about his feelings right now? You're barely awake, freshly isekai'd, and trying to mentally tally your enemies, not exactly in the mood for his fragile ego.

And, technically, aren’t you the one in need of support here? Not the consort, who apparently needs a throne, a palace, and a shoulder to cry on every two hours.

"Oh," you manage to reply, voice dripping with an irritation that you pray she interprets as imperial grace. "Tell him… I’m thinking about military reforms."

The heroine’s eyes flicker in confusion. "Military reforms?"

"Yes. Reforms. Vital to the stability of our empire." You wave a hand, and she clearly has no idea what you're talking about. This maid was not hired for her intellectual curiosity, that’s for sure.

Then comes the worst part: her doe eyes start misting over. Great. You forgot. Crying is, apparently, her most crucial skill set. She clutches a sleeve to her chest, looking at you as if you’ve announced the arrival of a natural disaster. "Your Majesty… but what about your consort?"

You take a deep breath. Focus. How did this woman end up so crucial to the plot? What was it about her that was supposed to outshine an entire empire? It’s as if she’s constructed entirely from damp tissues and vague romantic inclinations. And this is the girl who’s going to take you down?

But you’re already devising a plan. You’ll keep tabs on her. Outwardly, you’ll play the role of the intimidating yet graceful Empress, while inwardly making sure that neither she nor the consort gets a single chance to stab you in the back. And as for the consort himself…

Well, when he finally arrives for his “audience,” you’ll be sure to give him the warmest, most menacing smile in your arsenal. For now, you’ll have to endure the heroine’s dramatic sniffles and the hundred layers of fabric she’s convinced you need.

As she fiddles with a particularly elaborate golden sash, you look at her with an eyebrow raised. “Tell me,” you say, feigning curiosity. “What would you do if the palace were to… burn down?”

Her face goes blank for a second. Then, she frowns and wrinkles her nose as if this question is somehow unsolvable. “Um… cry?”

Of course. Absolutely riveting. You sigh and try to look satisfied, which is hard when you’re mentally questioning how this woman has a heartbeat, let alone plot armor thick enough to take you down.

By the time she finishes with your dress, you've already come up with about sixteen ways to save the empire and seventy-two reasons why this love triangle is absolutely ridiculous.

In the mirror, you catch a glimpse of yourself. You’re the picture of beauty and deadly grace, an unstoppable Empress who could wield the fate of kingdoms.

And they want to reduce you to a footnote in the saga of this girl’s whimpering romance?

Well, that’s not happening. You’ve read the novel; you know how this story ends. And now that you’re here, you’re rewriting that ridiculous fate.

You try to keep a dignified expression, but inside, you’re screaming.

The entire reason you’ve gathered the harem is to graciously cut them loose and rid yourself of the ongoing melodrama. Because if there are no consorts, there’s no backstabbing love triangle, no tearful betrayals, and no doomed political coups.

You can practically taste the freedom already—so you clear your throat and begin, putting on your most diplomatic voice:

"Esteemed consorts,” you say, hands clasped. “Thank you for your service and devotion. You are now free to leave and may claim land and titles if you wish to remain in the empire.”

You pause, waiting for cheers or at least some relieved sighs. Instead, dead silence. You glance around and spot the heroine sneaking glances at the traitor consort, eyes brimming with pure unadulterated… something.

She looks like she’s five seconds away from throwing herself across a fainting couch. The consort looks at her for a moment and then back at you, entirely unimpressed.

Maybe they’re just in shock, you think, trying to keep it together. Maybe they need a moment to process the incredible gift of freedom you’ve just given them.

But then, from the back of the room, someone clears their throat—Floyd Leech. He raises his hand, a gleeful glint in his eye that makes your stomach churn.

See, Floyd was not a character that should’ve belonged in this novel. The man was unhinged. Slightly terrifying, if you’re being honest. He treated warfare like a casual hobby and had a grin that said I could absolutely cause problems on purpose.

And the worst part? Floyd was actually one of the few who stuck around in the original plot. After the Empress dies on the battlefield, he takes her body back to his home country, out of sheer love.

He's also the only one who got to call the Empress Regnant herself "Shrimpy" and lived to tell the tale. You'd swoon over the romantic implications if you weren't that same Empress who had bigger problems right now.

You steel yourself. “Yes, Floyd?”

“Can I stay?” he says, looking entirely too happy. “These other guys are boring, but you’re kinda fun to watch.” He stares at you like you’re some sort of exotic animal in a zoo. “Besides,” he adds, throwing an arm over a very uncomfortable-looking consort, “who’s gonna protect you if I leave? These losers?”

God help you.

Before you can even answer, the traitor consort steps forward, expression so intense you can feel it from across the hall. He clears his throat dramatically. “My Empress,” he says, taking a deep, tragic breath. “My heart is bound to you, like—like the tides to the moon. Like—”

In the background, the heroine lets out an audible, swooning sigh. Oh, please, you think. You’ve seen better monologues in toothpaste commercials. The consort glances at the heroine, clearly confused, then goes back to gazing at you with what he probably thinks is soulful longing.

Meanwhile, Floyd is grinning at him, shark-like. “Nice speech, buddy,” he says, clapping the guy on the back hard enough that the consort nearly goes sprawling. “But I think she liked mine better.” He leans in to whisper, loudly, “Besides, I bet you don’t even know her favorite food.”

The consort’s face scrunches. “Do you?”

“Nope!” Floyd beams, looking at you as if expecting some kind of reward. “But I’m gonna figure it out.”

The consort looks like he wants to protest, but before he can, another one of the harem—Lord Something-or-Other—steps forward, visibly shaking with emotion. He kneels, clutching a hand to his heart as if he’s about to propose.

“My Empress,” he says, voice wobbling with way too much sincerity. “Without you, my life is a barren wasteland. I would rather endure the endless, scorching sands of—”

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Floyd groans. “Do you guys hear yourselves?”

“Can you not mock me while I pour my heart out?” Lord Something-or-Other snaps back.

“Sure I can. I’m multi-talented,” Floyd replies with a grin that’s somehow both playful and threatening. He leans against the throne, looking completely at home while you fight the urge to dive out the nearest window.

Now everyone’s in a frenzy. Every last one of these men—your so-called “consorts”—are lining up to deliver heartfelt soliloquies, tragic metaphors, and similes so flowery they might as well be a bouquet. You can barely keep a straight face as the next one steps forward, proclaiming that he would “gladly suffer a thousand winters if only to see her smile.”

As if on cue, the heroine wipes a tear from her eye, sighing dreamily. The consort she’s apparently in love with looks at her again, this time with an expression somewhere between pity and terror. But she doesn’t seem to notice, too busy whispering to herself, “Oh, how romantic…”

And then Floyd leans down and whispers in your ear, voice gleeful. “Y’know, if you let ‘em keep going, they might just start fighting each other for you. Free entertainment. Whaddaya think?”

You feel a headache coming on. “Floyd, please, I’m begging you—”

“What?” he asks, grinning wider. “I thought this was fun. C’mon, Empress,” he drawls, giving the title an absurd little flourish. “Let me stay. I promise I won’t let any of these guys stage a rebellion.” He smirks at the traitor consort. “Unless you feel like rebelling, huh?”

The traitor consort scoffs, bristling. “Unlike some of us,” he says, glaring at Floyd, “my devotion is genuine.”

“And boring,” Floyd mutters, loud enough for everyone to hear.

You let out a long, exasperated sigh. “Fine, Floyd. You can stay,” you say, hoping that giving him what he wants will end this disaster. You’re immediately filled with regret as his grin widens.

“Awesome! And you know what? Since everyone’s so devoted, why don’t we all stay? Make it a real party.” Floyd tosses an arm around your shoulders, ignoring the death glares from half the room.

Now you’re stuck with fifteen poets, one unhinged eel, and a heroine who’s still making heart eyes at a man who clearly isn’t interested. And as you sit there, feeling your last shreds of sanity slip away, you think, This is going to be a very, very long reign.

You’re making your way through the moonlit palace corridors, trying to mentally prepare yourself for the… experience that spending the night with Floyd Leech is sure to be.

Mostly, you’ve chosen him because, unhinged or not, he’s at least the most loyal out of this whole ridiculous lineup. Plus, there’s a kind of chaotic charm about him, like a very large, very untrained puppy with fangs.

But before you can even make it to his side palace, you’re intercepted.

“My Empress…” It’s the traitor consort. You sigh as he blocks your path, looking like he’s about to burst into tears. He’s clutching his chest dramatically, as if he’s seconds from fainting, and his voice wobbles with pure tragedy.

“Do you not love me anymore?” he blubbers, eyes shining with tears. “Why do you never choose me? Have I done something wrong? Do you know how long it’s been since you’ve graced my chambers?” He’s practically sobbing at this point, clutching at your sleeves like some tragic hero in a soap opera.

You stand there, blinking. “Uh… dude. I… what? ”

He looks at you with the heartbreak of a thousand rom-coms. “I thought you cared about me. I thought I meant something to you…”

You’re trying to process what exactly is happening (and failing spectacularly) when you hear an all-too-familiar voice.

“Yoo-hoo~!” Floyd’s voice echoes down the hall as he appears at the other end, looking like he’s just won the lottery. He practically skips toward you, a grin stretched across his face, his shark-like teeth glinting in the moonlight.

“Shrimpy!” he calls out cheerfully, giving you an exaggerated wave. But his cheerful demeanor drops like a rock the moment he sees the traitor consort clinging to you, tears streaming down his face.

Floyd’s grin turns into a much darker smirk, and his eyes narrow dangerously. He tilts his head, sizing up the blubbering man like he’s something he might enjoy crunching on for a midnight snack.

“Oi,” Floyd says, stepping closer, voice dropping into a lower, much more menacing tone. “What’re you doin’, crybaby? Gettin’ all snotty in front of my Shrimpy? That doesn’t seem real respectful, y’know?”

The traitor consort pales instantly, his tear-streaked face going from tragic to terrified in half a second flat. “I—I was just…” he stammers, trying to find an escape route.

“You were just what?” Floyd grins, but there’s absolutely nothing friendly about it now. “You got somethin’ you wanna say to her? ‘Cause I could help you say it better, y’know.” He cracks his knuckles for emphasis, and you swear the traitor consort’s soul nearly leaves his body.

And you? You’re exhausted. Normally, you’re pretty sure the original Empress would step in, say something appropriately royal and dignified to diffuse the situation. But at this point? You’re too tired to deal with either of them, and honestly, watching Floyd scare this guy senseless is a little too satisfying. So you just sigh and cross your arms, waiting it out.

“Look, I— I didn’t mean anything by it,” the traitor consort mutters, eyes darting between Floyd’s unsettling grin and your unimpressed stare. “I’ll… I’ll just go…”

And before you know it, he’s stumbling off, practically tripping over his own feet in his rush to escape Floyd’s glare. You can still hear his sniffles echoing down the hall as he disappears.

Floyd watches him go, then turns back to you with an exaggerated pout. “He didn’t even say bye. Rude, huh?” Then, just as quickly, his mood switches back, and he gives you a toothy grin. “C’mon, Shrimpy! Let’s go. You’re finally here!”

And without another word, he loops an arm around you, practically dragging you the rest of the way to his palace. By the time you arrive, you’re half-expecting him to start a monologue or make a big romantic speech, but instead, he plops down on the massive, plush couch, pulling you down next to him with surprising gentleness.

“There we go! See? Ain’t this way better than dealin’ with crybabies?” He laughs, leaning back and throwing an arm over your shoulders.

You give him a look. “Do you actually scare all of them off on purpose?”

Floyd grins, showing all his teeth. “Only the boring ones.” He taps his temple like he’s sharing some brilliant secret. “Can’t have anyone else thinkin’ they’re more special than me, right?”

Honestly, you’re too tired to argue. So you just lean back, letting Floyd prattle on about his grand plans for “getting rid of the competition.” At least, you think to yourself, you’ve successfully survived another day of being Empress.

The banquet table stretches out in front of you, each seat filled by one of your fifteen consorts, who are locked in an elaborate battle of “who’s the cutest?” You watch, sipping your wine like it’s medicinal, as they coo, flirt, and — at least in one unfortunate case — attempt a juggling act.

A consort on your left even starts singing a heartfelt ballad he very obviously wrote himself. You silently make a note to ask Heroine if it’s possible to declare some sort of moratorium on public serenades.

Just when you think the evening can’t get any more surreal, the doors burst open. Floyd strides in, late as usual, with all the grace and subtlety of a pirate commandeering the dinner table.

Without breaking stride, he makes a beeline for the coveted King Consort chair, ignoring the man who’s been trying to occupy it and who now looks as if he’s about to faint.

Floyd’s “gentle” suggestion to move aside comes in the form of a rather forceful nudge, and the poor consort goes skidding two seats down, clutching his untouched plate of tiny hors d’oeuvres.

Floyd plops into the seat, throws his legs up on the table, and proceeds to grab a handful of grapes like he’s claiming territory.

Instantly, fifteen men start having what can only be described as a collective meltdown. One consort gapes at Floyd, cheeks puffing like an indignant chipmunk; another begins audibly hyperventilating. Somewhere on the far end of the table, a man has already shed a single, dramatic tear.

Your maid Heroine sidles up to you, wide-eyed. She whispers loudly, as if she’s sharing a forbidden secret, “Your Majesty! You’ve broken their hearts!”

You stare at her, bewildered. “How? By letting Floyd sit down?”

Heroine nods, lip quivering. “They think you’ve… chosen! That’s the King Consort’s seat!”

“What? ” You glance at Floyd, who’s now lying back, casually chomping on a drumstick he must have acquired from who-knows-where. He doesn’t seem perturbed in the least.

“Yes!” Heroine sniffles, pulling out a lacy handkerchief. “It’s the sacred chair of royal favoritism!” She dabs at her eyes, gazing at you with something akin to heartbreak. “And here I thought you were a romantic.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” You rub your temples, feeling a headache coming on. “I just wanted a quiet dinner!”

One of the consorts, evidently hearing this, begins to wail, “But why, Your Majesty? We loved you!” It’s clear he’s already going to be composing several tragic stanzas about this moment.

Then Floyd — who’s been watching this entire scene with the amused look of someone who’s just discovered he’s won the jackpot — clears his throat, aiming a rather shark-like grin at Heroine. “Hey, little miss servant girl,” he says, his voice sugary sweet with a terrifying edge. “Maybe stop making Shrimpy feel guilty, hmm? Unless you want to join ‘em in the Royal Seat Shuffle?”

Heroine squeaks, as if he’s just offered to turn her into a garden gnome, and stammers an apology, hands fluttering as she edges away.

In the silence that follows, you decide enough is enough. “Thank you all for coming,” you announce, giving your consorts a forced smile. “This has been… lovely. But we’re done for tonight.”

The consorts hesitate, as if they want to protest. But when Floyd gives them one of his very special grins — the kind that says he just might take a whole different seat next — they practically stampede out of the dining hall, leaving behind a trail of emotional debris: teardrops, wilted roses, and a half-eaten plate of pastries.

As the door closes, Floyd leans back with a smirk, throwing an arm casually over the back of his new favorite chair. “So, looks like Shrimpy’s all mine tonight.”

You chuckle, half-exasperated, half-relieved. “Well, seems you chased everyone else off.”

“Don’t be like that,” he purrs, clearly pleased. “You know, you’re different now. Last time, you’d have been practically begging those guys to come back.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “Maybe I’m just too tired to care anymore.”

He leans in, gaze softening. “Nah. You’ve just gotten tougher. And it looks good on you. The new Shrimpy’s got a spine.”

You smile, almost despite yourself, as Floyd raises his glass, winking. “To the new Shrimpy: long may she rule.”

The annual Talent Showcase Extravaganza for the Empress’s Affections has begun, and your consorts are pouring every ounce of drama and flair they possess into their performances, each desperate to secure that exclusive week at the countryside villa with you.

Unfortunately, it seems that the traitor consort — Mr. ‘I-know-the-theme-because-Heroine-can’t-resist-my-cheekbones’ — is dominating the competition. He’s wowing the audience with a perfectly themed tapestry, and you can already hear the maid giggling over in his cheering section.

This calls for drastic action.

You glance over to where Floyd is occupying himself by tormenting a pair of unfortunate ministers with tales of his more “creative” fishing techniques. With a sigh, you snap your fingers. He looks over, feigning annoyance at being interrupted in what he surely sees as “Minister Horror Story Hour.”

“Shrimpy, what gives? This is the first fun I’ve had since I got here,” he says, hands on his hips.

You clear your throat. “Actually, Floyd, I need you to… win this competition.”

He raises an eyebrow, incredulous. “What, by doing some fancy painting or something? Boring. If you want something painted, Shrimpy, I’ll fish out an octopus to do it for me.”

You take a deep breath. “If you do this, I’ll grant you any wish you want. Plus… an extra reward.”

Floyd pauses, smirking as he steps closer, his voice dropping into an exaggerated whisper. “Any wish, huh? Dangerous promise, Shrimpy.”

You raise an eyebrow, undeterred. “You in or not?”

With a dramatic roll of his eyes, he sighs. “Fine. But I’m not painting. I’ve got something much better planned. Just try not to faint in awe, yeah?”

When Floyd finally unveils his “masterpiece,” the room falls silent. Somehow, he’s cobbled together a mosaic made entirely out of shiny rocks he probably pilfered from the palace’s prize garden.

The piece is of you, looking bold and triumphant, wielding what can only be described as a “battle spoon” against some sea monster (you’re guessing it’s supposed to be a shark, but it might just be a rock that looked vaguely fish-like).

“Ta-da!” Floyd announces, throwing his arms out. “The Empress: Rock ‘n’ Roll Edition. I call it, ‘Shrimpy, Queen of the Waves.’”

Despite yourself, you’re mildly… no, very swoony. Somehow, it’s both absurd and… kind of amazing. Floyd’s grin is pure mischief as he winks at you. “Like it, Shrimpy? Don’t worry, I can make one for the garden too.”

But your moment is interrupted by a loud sniffle from across the room. The traitor consort, clearly irate at being outshone, is tearing up, looking at you with big, watery eyes as if you’re the villain in this scenario. Heroine looks one step away from bolting to his side, but he raises a hand, his voice trembling as he murmurs, “No, I only want the Empress to comfort me.”

You shoot a silent plea to the universe, practically chanting, “Please, mercy, mercy…”

Floyd, never one to ignore an opportunity, steps up, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. “Sorry, bud. Shrimpy’s already spoken for tonight. You’ll have to get in line. Oh, and try not to tear up over her rock portrait, yeah? Not all of us can handle the majesty.”

The crowd erupts in applause, one point to you and Floyd — and you’re pretty sure Heroine’s sulking in the corner, still staring longingly at the sobbing traitor consort, but that’s a future problem. For now, you’ve got a mildly unhinged art piece to hang up and a certain mischievous consort to thank.

It’s another late night in the study when you notice the Heroine, your ever-loyal (if not a little clueless) maid, lingering by the doorway, watching you with an odd expression. At first, you chalk it up to her usual eccentricities. But as the minutes tick by, she doesn’t move, just stands there with a faraway look in her eyes. Finally, you set down your work and gesture for her to come in.

“Hey,” you say gently, “what’s on your mind?”

She hesitates, fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve. “It’s nothing, really…” Then, in a small voice, “It’s just… I never got to study like this.”

Your brow furrows, and as she opens up, the full picture starts to form. The Heroine, despite her noble blood, was barred by her father from studying—her dreams of an education crushed under his outdated beliefs.

She clung to the traitor consort, she confesses, because he seemed like an escape, even if a flimsy one. He was a nobleman with some level of authority, and for her, he felt like the only ticket to a different life.

Understanding sinks in. It’s not love she feels for him at all. It’s desperation, something almost like a distorted version of Stockholm syndrome.

She’s convinced herself he’s her only way out, though it’s clear as day that he doesn’t deserve her loyalty. The man’s barely got two brain cells, but he’s got freedom—and for her, he must have looked like her only way out.

The realization hits you hard, like finding out your favorite dessert is made with broccoli. No wonder she’s been swooning over that guy. She’s not “in love”—she’s just starved for any path out of her cage. Your heart softens, and you give her a gentle, if slightly exasperated, smile.

“Well, that won’t do,” you say firmly. “How about this? I’ll teach you myself. Then, when you’re ready, we’ll get you the education you deserve.”

Her face goes through a series of hilarious expressions, from shock to joy to the kind of wide-eyed, wobbly-lipped excitement normally reserved for puppies seeing their owner after a long day. And so, your lessons begin.

Over the next few weeks, you teach the Heroine to read, and she devours each lesson like a kid in a candy store. She’s throwing herself into her education with such energy, it’s like she’s forgotten the traitor consort entirely.

And you’re thrilled—partly for her growth and partly because it means your coup odds have just dropped by a solid 90%.

Soon, Heroine’s loyalty to you is ironclad, her former starry-eyed infatuation with the traitor consort completely extinguished. You’re so relieved you could dance, and, maybe more importantly, you realize that the kingdom’s other daughters deserve the same chance.

In a flash of imperial inspiration, you draft a new law requiring all daughters, noble or otherwise, to attend the academy. The state will foot the bill, so no one has an excuse to hold their daughters back.

Later that night, feeling unexpectedly sentimental, you return to your room to find Floyd sprawled on your bed, grinning like he’s just heard the world’s juiciest gossip.

“You look smug,” you say, arching an eyebrow.

“Nah, just… pleased,” he drawls, giving you that signature mischievous smirk. And before you know it, he pulls you into a surprisingly tight hug, his arms wrapping around you with unexpected warmth. “Look at my Shrimpy, changing the world one law at a time.”

A blush creeps up your cheeks despite yourself. “Oh, stop it,” you mutter, though you don’t pull away.

He chuckles, giving you an affectionate squeeze. “Nah. You’re doing great, Empress. I’m proud of you.”

You’re speechless. Floyd? Sentimental? But as he holds you, laughing at your stunned expression, you can’t help but feel a little…smitten.

You’re reviewing reports in the study, savoring the rare, blissful calm, when the double doors burst open like some villain from a badly written romance novel. There stands the traitor consort, dressed in what looks like…a suit made of loose, strategically placed peacock feathers, a sequined sash, and—oh, yes—face glitter.

He strikes a pose, does a dramatic hand flip, and announces, “Behold! My love for you is eternal, as boundless as the stars, and as bold as my outfit!”

You're thinking about ordering Floyd to chase him out with a chair, when you catch Heroine’s expression—somewhere between horror and volcanic rage.

With a fierce gleam in her eye, she steps in front of you, looking like she’s about to deliver an exorcism. “You…” she begins, her voice so cold even the peacock feathers on his shoulders look like they might molt in fear. “You miserable, egotistical, fashion-disaster-in-waiting!”

He’s stunned, blinking like a child caught sneaking candy. “W-what? Heroine, you used to help me with my plans!”

“Yeah, well, that was before I got a brain cell,” she snaps. “I actually know my worth now, and it’s definitely not tied to whatever fever-dream cape situation you’ve got going on.” She points to his glittering sash. “What, did you rob an arts-and-crafts store on the way here? Do you know who you’re talking to?”

He stammers, visibly shrinking, feathers quivering with fear. “Y-you were always there for me…”

“That was when I was too naive to realize you were the human equivalent of a trash fire!” She’s in full swing now, arms crossed and eyebrow raised, spitting out insults that would make the court jester blush. “Please, the Empress has standards, and you’re down there with questionable cabbage soup.”

He reels back, totally caught off-guard. By this point, you’re honestly not sure if you should applaud or slowly back away.

With a smirk, you lean forward and say, “Well, since you’re dressed for the occasion, why don’t you strut that ridiculous ensemble back to your own country?”

He opens his mouth, gapes like a fish, and finally closes it, completely defeated. Without another word, he shuffles out, feathers dragging behind him in a sad little pile.

The second he’s out of earshot, you sigh, look up, and thank the universe for finally sparing you from that headache. The Heroine just dusts her hands off, grinning like she’s just won the greatest battle of her life, and you’re suddenly very aware of just how terrifyingly competent she’s become.

Floyd has been hounding you about his reward for days now, showing up at all hours with the persistence of a cat at dinner time. You’re mid-sentence in a policy meeting, mid-sip at dinner, even mid-bath when you hear him shout from outside the door, “Hey, Shrimpy! Remember my prize? Don’t forget now!”

Finally, in a moment of resignation, you sigh and wave him in. “Fine, Floyd. What do you actually want?”

He grins, and there’s a gleam in his eyes that should probably have you worried. “Make me king consort.”

You open your mouth, ready to laugh and then say something like, “No chance,” but then…you pause. Because—why not? He’s loyal, he’s your particular brand of chaos, and honestly, the idea of using it as an excuse to disband the harem is almost too good.

You’d get to tell everyone you’d found the “love of your life” and keep your mornings free of peacock-feathered declarations of eternal devotion.

“Alright, Floyd,” you say, shrugging as if you just agreed to a dinner plan and not a royal title. “You’re king consort.”

For a solid five seconds, he’s frozen, blinking like he’s not sure if you just announced the best prank of the century or an actual royal decision.

Then, with a roar of laughter, he picks you up, actually tossing you in the air like a sack of grain. “SHRIMPY, I’M KING CONSORT! WOOOO!”

Ministers nearby practically leap out of their chairs in terror, and one drops his teacup with a spectacular crash.

“Oh, and by the way,” he says, setting you down but keeping a hand on your shoulder. “Don’t think I forgot—I still get that week alone with you in the countryside. Just you, me, and the great outdoors.”

You’d expected to feel dread, but instead…you’re kind of excited? Because it turns out, when there’s no glittered consort in sight, Floyd’s brand of mayhem might just be exactly what you needed.

You’re slumped on the throne, staring into the void as a minister drones on about the scandalous rise in scarf-wearing among the commoners.

The man is red-faced and foaming at the mouth as if he’s narrating the downfall of civilization itself instead of just… knitted accessories. With each drawn-out sentence, your urge to grab his own scarf and dramatically tie it around his face grows stronger.

“And, Your Majesty, don’t you agree that such… frivolousness undermines the dignity of the empire?” he sputters.

“Uh-huh,” you mumble, one mental toe dangling into the sweet abyss of existential crisis. How did your life get to this point? Did the previous Empress really deal with scarf politics? You contemplate just passing the crown to the nearest potted plant. Surely it couldn’t do worse.

Then, like a savior bathed in sunlight, Floyd appears. He slinks in casually, eyes glinting with a dangerous mix of glee and malice. He takes one look at Wedgeworth’s scarf-induced fervor and rolls his eyes. “Oh, I see the scarf issue is really eating away at the Empire,” Floyd deadpans, clearly unamused at the absurdity.

The minister stammers, blinking like he’s never been interrupted in his life. “Well, actually, I was explaining to Her Majesty—”

Floyd raises a hand. “I’ll take it from here, Lord Scarfington. Very urgent royal matters, wouldn’t want to keep the Empress from them, now would we, hmm?”

The ministers exchange horrified looks, but when Floyd locks eyes with them, his expression darkens into a gaze that could probably scare the teeth off a shark. Ministers shuffle out, muttering about “the sanctity of scarves” and how they “never liked those shellfish folk anyway.”

When you’re finally alone, you look at Floyd, and he gives you a grin. “Come on, Shrimpy, I’ve got a surprise.”

He leads you through a series of narrow, winding hallways you didn’t even know existed until you arrive at a small, hidden courtyard surrounded by high walls and shaded by some flowering trees.

In the middle of it is a picnic spread that looks… questionable. There’s food you don’t recognize: odd, glistening items that could pass as snacks in a very brave galaxy.

“I brought some delicacies from the Coral Sea,” Floyd announces, looking way too proud. “I even cooked some of this myself.”

You smile, hoping he means the less suspicious dishes, but as you take a bite of one of the “unique” items, you immediately realize your error. It’s a taste explosion, and not in a good way; you’re fairly certain you just ate something alive. Floyd’s already laughing, watching you try to hold back a gag.

“Oh, that’s rich, look at your face!” He claps his hands, doubled over with laughter.

But then you try the food he actually cooked, and it’s… it’s really good. Your eyes widen. “Floyd, you didn’t tell me you could cook!”

He shrugs nonchalantly. “Guess you just have that effect on me, Shrimpy.”

As you eat, you feel the weight of scarf debates and mundane ministerial crises slip away. Floyd’s teasing you about your reaction to the Coral Sea snacks, you’re pretending to smack him, and somewhere between the laughter and the food, you realize you’re completely relaxed. You’re even… happy.

Then he casually picks up a pillow, eyes glinting with mischief. “Hey, Shrimpy,” he says slowly, “bet I can take you down.”

“Bring it, fish-boy,” you fire back, grabbing a pillow.

A feather flies. Then another. In no time, the two of you are engaged in a full-on pillow war, feathers floating through the air in chaotic puffs. You swing a pillow with all your might, narrowly missing Floyd, who dodges and counters with a playful shove, sending you sprawling onto the blanket, laughing so hard you’re almost crying.

In the flurry of feathers and laughter, you realize just how much you care about him. And as if reading your mind, Floyd suddenly stops, pinning you down, his face hovering just inches above yours. His usual playful grin fades into something softer, more serious, and you find yourself staring up at him, completely captivated.

You kiss him, right there, surrounded by scattered feathers and half-eaten snacks. “I think I’m in love with you, Floyd,” you whisper.

He grins, looking almost smug. “Knew you’d come around eventually, Shrimpy. You’re a smart one.”

You roll your eyes, laughing, and pull him into another kiss, feeling lighter than you have in ages. Whatever royal nonsense tomorrow brings, you know you’ve got him—and for now, that’s more than enough.

Vacation plans with Floyd start out so simple in theory, but the minute he said, “Countryside? Nah, Shrimpy, we’re going under the sea,” you just nodded because, hey, you did promise a reward. Plus, how bad could it be?

Bad, it turns out, is relative. Upon arrival, Jade, Floyd’s brother, gives you a grin that says welcome, poor soul. “So, my brother’s finally gone and gotten himself an Empress. How unexpected,” he says with a glint in his eye that suggests he’s got a bet running on how long you’ll last.

But you’ve barely survived Jade’s interrogation when Azul, Coral Sea’s resident business octopus, swims up with an entire briefcase of contracts and a grin that spells danger.

“Welcome, Your Majesty! I thought we might discuss a mutually beneficial agreement,” he says smoothly, his tone so charming you almost miss that the contract slides in a 50-year lease on your kingdom’s fishing industry.

“So that’s how it is here,” you think, snapping back to business mode. You haggle until both sides are happy, but the second you reach across to shake Azul’s hand, Floyd swoops in, sighing dramatically. He grabs your hand, practically prying it out of Azul’s. “Alright, Shrimpy, enough time with the fish dealer. You’re mine this week.”

Before you can blink, he’s thrown you over his shoulder like you’re a stray potato sack, striding away from an open-mouthed Azul and an utterly delighted Jade who looks like he's a minute away from bursting out popcorn.

By the time he hauls you to your guest room and plops you on the bed, his usual grin has given way to an expression you’ve only seen on annoyed cats. He’s holding your hand in a grip that could rival steel, not letting go even as he sulks like a kid who just lost his favorite toy.

“Floyd,” you say slowly, “is something wrong?”

He looks away, puffing out his cheeks, refusing to answer. It's downright adorable in an overgrown, slightly unhinged eel sort of way. You squint at him, reaching over to grab his face, smushing his cheeks together until he finally makes eye contact. “Hey, I can’t read your mind, Floyd. Tell me what’s wrong.”

He mutters something too low to hear, and you lean closer, arching a brow. “What was that?”

“You’re my Shrimpy,” he grumbles louder, still not meeting your eyes. “And the handshake with that fish scammer went on too long.”

It takes every ounce of self-control not to burst into laughter. “So that’s it, huh?” A laugh slips out despite your efforts, and his pout deepens, though his grip on your hand stays as firm as ever. “You silly eel,” you chuckle, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. “As if anyone could match me like you do?”

That does it. His expression softens, the pout melting into that slightly unhinged, overly excited Floyd smile you know too well. “See, Shrimpy, that’s why you’re the only one for me!” he practically shouts before pulling you into a spin that has you clinging to him for dear life.

He kisses you again, and you’re so breathless you half-expect a storm outside to rise to match.

But it doesn’t matter—he’s too busy swearing up and down that he’s not letting anyone else get a “single fin” on you. And somehow, as you laugh together, it feels like you really are on a vacation you never knew you needed.

The ceremony for crowning Floyd as your King Consort goes all-out, much to your delight—and, judging by the expressions around the room, their absolute horror. The whole throne room is so packed with flowers and banners it might as well be a festival.

You’ve made sure that this is a spectacle the diplomats and ministers will never forget. After all, the more smitten you look with Floyd, the less they’ll try to “reason” you out of it. And if they have any opinions about your choice, well, they can keep it to themselves—or they can talk to Floyd.

As you lean in to place the crown on Floyd’s head, he’s giving you a smirk so bright you swear it’s practically a stage light. The second the crown touches his head, he dips you into a kiss that is equal parts “fairytale ending” and “scandalized gasp from the old guard.” The ministers are barely holding in a collective gasp. Someone clutches their chest like they might need medical attention.

Over on the sidelines, you can see Jade and Azul clapping way too enthusiastically for the room’s mood. Meanwhile, everyone else looks like they’re watching you deface a holy artifact. You pull back with a satisfied smile, fully aware of the whispers swirling through the room.

Now, to seal this newfound reign in your own… unique way.

You turn to the front rows where your now-ex-harem stands, looking various shades of awkward and confused. These “prizes” will be going back to their respective nations, and it’s about time. “Ambassadors,” you announce, your tone absolutely oozing sincerity, “I believe you’ll be taking back your… prizes. Enjoy.”

The diplomats exchange looks, clearly unsure if they should feel insulted or relieved. You give them a regal wave and watch as they shuffle out with the ex-consorts in tow, one of whom lets out a dramatic sigh loud enough to reach the rafters.

Just as the room finally starts calming down, you glance over at the row of your ministers—many of whom look like they’d rather have run off with the consorts.

These are the ancient relics of nepotism who have only ever accomplished growing their own egos and possibly a few money-siphoning schemes. You decide now’s the time to deal with them, too.

Smiling so politely it almost looks sweet, you say, “Ministers, thank you for your service. But I’m sure you’ll understand when I say…” You pause, voice dropping to an icy sweetness, “You’re dismissed. Please kindly fuck right off.”

Several of the men freeze, as if unsure they heard you correctly. One or two start spluttering, “But—Your Majesty—this is—”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Floyd cuts in, grinning from ear to ear, clearly enjoying this far too much. “You’re free to go! You wouldn’t want to disappoint the Empress, would ya?”

It takes a second, but the room clears of protesting ministers soon enough. Then you turn to the waiting group of young scholars, women who fought their way up to the top on pure merit, many of them owing their presence here to your recently passed education reforms. “Welcome,” you say with a genuine smile. "Your interviews will be conducted tomorrow"

Their reactions are priceless. Several tear up on the spot, whispering thank-yous so heartfelt you nearly tear up yourself. One of them murmurs, “This is a dream come true. Thank you, Your Majesty.”

You feel a swell of pride. This is what you’ve wanted to see—a competent court, fresh talent, and the chance to make a real difference. Just as you’re soaking in the satisfaction of this triumph, Floyd leans over, clearly up to something.

“You’re done now, yeah?” he asks with a conspiratorial grin.

“Uh, yes?” You've barely said the words, only for him to suddenly scoop you up and throw you over his shoulder, entirely ignoring the royal dignity of it all. The young scholars stare, completely unsure of whether to salute or run.

“Floyd!” you half-laugh, half-scold. “You could at least let me walk out on my own!”

“Nah,” he says, casually strolling down the hall with you like you’re a sack of potatoes. “You’re mine now, Shrimpy. And besides, it’s tradition for the King Consort to carry his Empress, isn’t it?”

“I’m pretty sure it isn’t,” you mutter, but you wave cheerfully at everyone as you’re carried off.

As he strides out of the throne room, ignoring the horrified gasps and protests behind you both, Floyd grins. “Any more old men to fire? ‘Cause I’m having a great time.”

You shake your head, smiling. After all, you’re the Empress—who’s going to stop you now?

Your empire has transformed. The old guard, once weighed down by nothing but scarves and scandals, has finally given way to a bright-eyed group of scholars and ministers, most of whom—much to the old ministers' horror���are brilliant young women now leading the realm.

Among them is your ex-maid, the heroine herself, newly appointed as Minister of Diplomatic Affairs and already so intimidatingly competent that foreign diplomats quake just a bit when she enters the room.

And the grandest twist of all: you declare that your successor will not be by blood but by merit. The heir to the throne will be the sharpest, most capable mind in the empire, regardless of their birth.

You’re already giddy as you imagine the ambitious parents prepping their offspring for the grueling tests you’re planning—challenges you’ll design alongside your newly assembled council.

After hours of being regal and respectable, you finally get back to your chambers, ready for a night of blissfully ignoring politics. Floyd, your beloved eel, is already sprawled on the couch like he’s conquered half the known world, arms open and ready to receive you. You practically collapse into his embrace, sighing as you burrow against him.

“So, Shrimpy,” he drawls, smirking. “Fix the whole empire yet?”

“Almost,” you laugh. “At least I’ve retired the Scarf Parliament. That’s enough for today.”

You snuggle closer, closing your eyes, and for a second, you think back to the ridiculous, drama-filled story that threw you into this life. Maybe the original author had a point, or maybe she just really liked throwing you curveballs.

Either way, cuddled up with the love of your life while your empire flourishes, you can’t help but think, yeah, she knew exactly what she was doing.

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

[golden-moony]

king of my heart | smau

pairings: lando norris x fem!reader | pato o'ward x fem!reader

summary: y/n is an F1 content creator loved among the grid and the fans, and more than one person ships her with lando due to how close they've always been. but when y/n goes to her first IndyCar race, the last thing she expects is being involved in rumours with another mclaren driver.

warnings: love triangle? kinda.

author's note: i might turn this into a mini series but i'll see how it goes. btw english it's not my first language so if there's any grammatical error please let me know so i can fix it, ty🧡 now enjoy!

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

------------------------------------------------------

yourusername posted to their story!

[caption 1; it's indycar weekend in Long Beach, babyyyy!] [caption 2; time for practice and snacks🌞]

patriciooward

liked by indycar, zbrownceo, yourusername, and 83,527 others!

patriciooward INDY500 colors and back in the streeetz🤩

user1 lookin' goooood🔥

arrowmclaren it'll look even better with confetti covering it😉 user2 admin knows a win is coming!! 💪

user3 Este es tu año, cabrón! VAMOOOOS 🇲🇽

user4 is it a requirement to be handsome to drive in mclaren? cause daaaamn

user5 same girl, same

yourusername black is the new papaya fr 🔥 can't wait for tomorrow!

patriciooward hopefully you'll be wearing #5 user6 OMG?!?!!!??? yourusername can't show favoritism! i'm a professional, sir patriciooward it can be our secret then 😉 user7 OH MY- HELLOOOOO? user8 landonorris come get your girl bro!!! user9 omfg mr o'ward i wasn't familiar with your game user10 y/n sweety, wrong mclaren driver landonorris 🤨 user11 she really said i want a mclaren, don't care which one😭 user12 and she's so real for that

user13 let's goooo Pato!! 🦆🧡

user14 y/n and pato's exchange?? NEW SHIP HAS ARRIVED!

user15 i feel like i'm betraying my roots but pato and y/n would be the it couple fr user16 SO TRUE user17 pato and lando deserve sooo much better.

user18 NOT LANDO REPLYING TO THE COMMENT 😂😂

user19 f1twt is about to have a blast with this one 🍿 user20 they already have #teampato and #teamlando hashtags going on 😭😭

yourusername posted to their story!

[caption 1; preparation for ✨qualy day✨] [caption 2; that's how you arrive in style]

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, alexanderrossi, shelovesformula1, and 76,088 others!

yourusername First IndyCar race ✅ can't explain how incredible this weekend was! I’ve had the pleasure of chatting to so many cool people, discovering so much about this series and meeting so many of you! 🧡 can't wait to show you everything soon 😘

user1 what a babeeeee 😍

frosenqvist so great to meet you! hope you come to another one again soon! 🏁

arrowmclaren we second this! user2 she's an indy girl now 😎 tkanaan especially after all the fun we had last night😜 yourusername oh i'll definitely come back for more races (and parties ofc🙊) user3 she's part of the family now! love to see it user4 mclaren team 🤝 us: being in love with y/n

user5 PATO INTERVIEW??!! WE WON

lissiemackintosh so happy to have met you!! 💖

yourusername can't wait to see u again 🥹 user6 MY FAVES 🤩🤩 user7 girls supporting girls 💞 user8 we need a colab!

landonorris y/n get out of there. That's not your family!

carlossainz55 y/n please hurry, the kid has missed you maxverstappen1 y/n please hurry, we can't stand him anymore maxfewtrell y/n please hurry, he gets whiny when you're not around alex_albon y/n please hurry, oscar is about to commit crime oscarpiastri that is correct, so please y/n hurry landonorris when i asked y'all to back me up, this is NOT what i meant 🙄 yourusername if it helps at all, i've miss you all 🫶 (except Lando) landonorris i hate y'all fr user9 this is the kind of content i pay my internet bill for 😂

user10 literal queen 👑

user11 she couldn't become lando's wag so now she goes to indy to try to find a man lol such a clout chaser

user12 girl stfu she's literally just doin her job user13 try not to sound so bitter next time 💋 user14 get a life, hater

user15 MOTHER IS MOTHERING

user16 i don't think we're talking enough about that last photo

user17 RIGHT?! Y/N X PATO LET'S GOO user18 nah y/n x lando >>>>>>>>

patooward Indy looks good on you 💯 i wonder who took that amazing first pic

yourusername credits to you, amateur😘 user19 you can't convince me they're not flirting user20 i truly don't know if i wanna be pato or y/n... i only know i'd hate to be lando rn 😭 user21 y/n and lando are the endgame user22 Y/N X PATO TILL THE END

landonorris posted to his story!

[caption; safe and sound where she belongs]

sooo.... y'all want part 2?

[talekinesis]

Random Gravity Falls Headcanons

Stan

This guy smokes to help deal with the stress of everything. He picked up the habit after he was kicked out by his father and hasn't quit since. He used to be a chainsmoker but after getting to look after the kids for the summer, he drastically cut back and is actually thinking of quitting altogether because he wants to be around long enough to watch Mabel and Dipper grow up

Actually a pretty decent cook, it's just baking he sucks at. With cooking you can sort of eyeball the ingredients and add more or less depending on your own personal taste, but with how strict baking is with its ingredients, he never really picked it up. He's only baked a cake twice in his life, once for his mom when he was a kid, with the help of Ford, and once for the kids' birthday (it was lopsided and runny and they decided to just go out for pancakes instead)

He can play the guitar really well. He had to teach himself how to play when he was young and homeless, playing for tips. He still has his original guitar and occasionally, on a good day, will get it out and play it. He played it once for Mabel, who, for once in her life, actually sat still and listened

Part of his daily routine is kicking gnomes out of the trash because they keep trying to eat leftovers. He just bats them off with a broom like they're raccoons

He grew up a huge mama's boy since she was the only supportive parent he had. After he got kicked out of the house, he called her from a pay phone a couple times to ask to come back home and to wish her a happy birthday. To this day he still makes it a point to get a cupcake on her birthday since he can't celebrate it with her, and sometimes he'll tell the kids stories about her, like how she would have loved Mabel since Mabel has all these different unique sweaters, and his ma used to collect different, big, unique earrings

Stan coaches Mabel in boxing, and actually helped her discover a passion for it, he attends all of her matches. He even taught her a couple illegal moves that she can't use in the ring but can use in real self defense

Even in his early 60s, he still thinks it's funny to bother Ford as if they were still kids. He'll randomly snatch his glasses off his face (forgetting that he also wears glasses and Ford can retaliate), he'll just start copying Ford and repeat what he says, he once even dressed up as Ford, but it didn't last very long because Ford wears a much smaller size of pants, and Stan has a bit of a gut on him. He changed after about five or ten minutes.

He's a die-hard fan of Chappell Roan

He's actually the more responsible of the Stan-Twins. He breaks laws sure, but he always makes sure everyone is fed and safe. He's like this close 🤏 to putting Ford and Mabel on leashes when they go out because they have a tendency to run off

"I'd like to make an announcement to the store, I lost someone." "Oh, did your kid run off?" "My 60 year old brother, yeah. No he doesn't have a cellphone."

Has a biological kid out there somewhere but the mom cut him off. I just think the scene where he said, "Scary movies are great, the girl cuddles up next to ya... next thing you know you gotta raise a kid.. And your life falls apart.." sounded too much like he was speaking from experience and not as a hypothetical. He wants so badly to be a dad though and regrets not keeping contact. (let me know if I should make an oc for this :] )

Ford

He can't eat doritos or any triangle shaped chip because one time Bill hid inside a chip bag just to startle him

It took him a while to adjust to this dimension's laws of physics. He was frustrated for a while that he couldn't just leave his coffee floating in the air. He broke three mugs and one of them was Stan's.

Despises pickles as if he held a personal grudge against them. He hates them an irrational amount, and even gets irritated with Stan for just having them in the house. He acts like a child about it too, arms crossed and everything. "Here, Poindexter, you want me to take the pickles off your sandwich? Like a child?" "Don't bother, the meal's ruined >:( "

He gets sucked into those soap operas that Stan watches, and will sometimes watch from the doorway or over his shoulder. He won't admit it, but Stan knows.

He lights his face on fire because he saw someone else do it in a different dimension where that was normal

Unlike Stan, he's actually amazing at baking (he likes to follow precise measurements and instructions) But sucks at cooking. Caught a pot of water on fire.

When he first discovered the shape shifter, he kept it as a pet because he found it cute, but ended up letting it go when he found out it had a human-like sentience and could speak. But for a while he raised it the same way Mabel raises Waddles, putting it in little shirts, hats, and just absolutely adoring it

Used to play 'Dungeons, Dungeons, and more Dungeons' with a group in college as the DM, and it was the first time he actually had a friend group. The other players loved the way he set things up

Doesn't like alchohol. At least from this dimension, he got used to alternate dimension alchohols that tasted way better, so when he came back to Earth everything tasted way too strong and almost like dirt to him so he just quit

Used to know a little banjo since Fiddleford taught him but forgot it while in other dimensions

Used to babysit Tate on occasion and sucked at it

He also used to babysit Shermie and *also* sucked at it. He'd have to pass him off to Stan if he got fussy or started crying since only Stan and their mom could calm him down

• Used to play David Bowie in his lab and would occasionally lip sync or dance to it. Even when traveling dimensions, he'd introduce David Bowie music to the people, creatures, and beings he met, until he lost the cassette tape and was devastated

Mabel

Allergic to chocolate and makes up for it by eating way too much of other candies. She still tries to eat it though because "Maybe I'm not allergic anymore," but Dipper has to stop her. Stan even makes it a point not to keep chocolate in the Shack when they visit because he knows Mabel is a heathen with little self preservation. It's not epi-pen bad, but it will burn and itch her throat and get her coughing (Ford will use chocolate substitutes when baking for her and Dipper)

She likes to tell people that she and Dipper were originally two of three, and that she ate their triplet in the womb to become stronger. This is not true.

She wants to be a big sister really bad and sometimes that comes out onto Dipper despite him only being 5 minutes younger, much to his dismay and protest

She found a passion for boxing after Stan taught her how, and even asked her parents to let her start doing it as a sport, which she got really into. Coincidentally, after she picked up boxing, Gideon suddenly left her alone completely. Future Headcanon: She grows up to box professionally and one day even faces Grenda in the ring, but there's obviously a mutual respect between them. They agreed ahead of time that if they ever had to face each other, neither of them would hold back and it would be a fair match. Even after there's a winner, they meet up afterward and go out for dinner with Candy, who posts their matches to social media. Waddles is her mascot.

Mabel makes even more friends when she returns home from Gravity Falls because she takes Waddles for walks on a leash and it's a pretty good conversation starter

She is convinced that if she eats all the ingredients for a cake, she'll have successfully made a cake in her stomach. Once again, Dipper has to physically stop her from doing this. Ford does too, the first time he heard her say this (through a mouthful of flour) he went, "That certainly is an interesting theory, Mabel, but no-"

Dipper

Let's get it out of the way, I really like the 'Trans Dipper' headcanon. It just fits really well and I, as a trans person, can relate to him a lot

I think he knows how to dance a little because his mom taught him and used to take him to 'Mother-Son' events

He secretly keeps a tally of how many times Mabel rolls herself out of bed because it always wakes him up but he also kind of thinks it's funny because she just sleeps through it. Even if they don't share rooms back at home, he can always here the distance "thunk" of his sister hitting the floor. The tally isn't a sheet of paper, it's a small notebook with multiple pages filled in

He sometimes gets the courage to try and roughhouse with Stan, who is always on board but purposely takes it easy on the kid because he's like "baby bird" fragile

Dipper was the one to break the news to his Grandpa Shermie that Stanley was still alive and Stanford was actually missing for 30 years with Stan taking his place, almost giving the poor man a heart attack. (Shermie ended up booking a flight to Gravity Falls to yell at his brothers in person because that's not a conversation you can have over the phone)

Dipper was the one to introduce Stan to Chappell Roan by accident, but now they listen to her if they're in the car together

his DD&MD character is a female orc fighter named Yotula and he got very excited to info-dump about her to Ford (who was equally as excited to listen)

Has an odd addiction to chocolate milk. He makes a glass of chocolate milk at least once a day. Twice if it's been a rough day. He actually gets a little upset if he misses his daily cup of chocolate milk, its just routine. Stan one time made an offhand joke that since Mabel's allergic, Dipper has to consume twice as much for the both of them, but Mabel took that seriously and now to her its just the truth.

[flowersforchoso]

Grandmaster and I.

cw: enemies to lovers(?), power imbalance, fluff if you squint, a love triangle trope if you squint harder. female reader a/n: i've had this sitting in my drafts for the longest and only now decided to post. also, english isn't my first language, so bear with me regarding any grammar errors or weird construction/phrasing. thankue

the lin kuei trio was on a mission when you attacked them. they trespassed on your turf, and you ambitiously tried to take out all three of them at once, failing unsurprisingly since you were no match for the skilled assassins.

you're easily subdued and taken captive, dispossessed of your weapons and barraged with interrogations. after discovering you don't pose much of a threat, they deliberate on what to do with you, ultimately deciding to keep you around as a maidservant of sorts.

you're subjected to demeaning labour in and around the lin kuei base, tasked with all manner of chores. you're the designated errand girl. you hate it here

a period of close monitoring has elapsed, and the grandmaster, out of the goodness of his heart, deems it fit to convert you into one of the grunts, the lowest ranked. he believes your sheer will and rudimentary fighting skills would be beneficial to the clan, no matter how small.

so you're set on the path to becoming a part of the lin kuei. once just a lowly rogue turned maid, now subject to tedious training to become a full-fledged assassin.

while you impress since you have a background in combat, you're still not up to par with the clan's standards. but there's a development: a new relationship emerges.

you and tomas have begun to be on friendly terms. it's not that surprising, considering his personality and you both being on the younger side—a connection was bound to form

casual greetings turned into sparring together, and progressed to going hunting. together

bihan notices the budding... friendship, (if he could call it that) that's supposedly going on between you two and isn't pleased by it, but turns a blind eye instead. it doesn't concern him

it isn't until he sees you both return from a hunt (engaging in tomas' pastime) while holding hands, then later in a compromising position—with you ontop of him to conclude a training session—that he decides to take matters into his hands. such salacious behaviour was prohibited on lin kuei grounds, he had enough of your impudence

you're forbidden from training with smoke, but not without a lengthy verbal lashing first. you find it unfair and voice your displeasure, which he interprets as insubordination

you're punished with running a couple of laps and close to a hundred pushups. he won't go easy on you just because you happen to be a woman, despite protests from kuai liang in the background

you detest him for alot of things, but mostly for coming between the only interaction that was keeping you sane in this hellish place. he isn't fond of you either, as he finds you rather incompetent, ill-bred, impertinent.

the time has come to take your training to the next level: missions. it's your first to properly evaluate your skills, and you're nothing short of excited, hoping to be paired with tomas

however, bihan senses your enthusiasm as rather devious and pairs you up with himself instead, shattering your hopes. and this becomes the case with subsequent missions

for a lack of better words, you're attached to his hip. you've become his personal project of sorts. he wants to forge you into a warrior you'll never be on your own merit and thinks you and tomas are distracting eachother, enforcing distance between the both of you

your training henceforth is with him only. he's always on the defensive while you attack, but it seems you can never land a hit, no matter what you do.

cue the outpouring of criticisms and scoldings, laced with threats of sending you back to scrubbing floors if you fail to improve and you fight back tears as the harsh words tumble out of his mouth effortlessly

but you refuse to allow his condescension bother you for long. instead, letting it serve as motivation to do better. you go the extra mile with training, and in due time, it yields positive results—you've tremendously improved. and finally get rewarded with the lin kuei uniform, marking your official initiation into the ranks.

during the ceremony, the grandmaster's eyes are fixed on you. once it's over and done with, he summons your presence. in private.

you know where this is going and there are no surprises when he finally opens his mouth to query you—you slightly modified the lin kuei uniform to fit your fashion sensibilities, sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the new initiates.

rather than cower in fear when his judgemental eyes peer into yours, demanding an explanation for your indiscretion, you meet his eyes in defiance, stating your reason as an aesthetic choice.

bihan is not the least bit surprised by your little rebellion, and for some reason, he lets it slide (a first for him) only dismissing you with a vague warning to know your limits, which has you fighting the urge to roll your eyes.

the days roll by... you've adjusted quite nicely to your new identity, even going as far as shedding your old appearance to blend into the predominantly male environment—you cut your hair short. unbeknownst to you, your new appearance has achieved the opposite effect: accentuated your feminine charms instead of diminish it

the grandmaster obviously notices this change, but doesn't comment on your business.

however, he doesn't understand why he's suddenly become aware of anything concerning you that he would normally not care about, such as how subtly flirty some foes become in the heat of combat with you

or tomas lingering stare on you, which you reciprocate with a longing of your own

or johnny's unwanted presence and comments upon seeing you, dubbing you lin kuei eyecandy

or is it his brother softly praising you for your quick thinking while on a mission?

even his attitude towards you has slowly shifted—he doesn't speak to you as harshly, doesn't shut down your requests for needing breaks.

not to mention, how his eyes keep wandering in your direction for reasons unknown to him. your mere presence is becoming rather bothersome when it wasn't much of an issue before.

bi-han wants to put a stop to whatever this is, and his plans to resolve his personal dilemma comes as a shock, not just to you, but to kuai liang and tomas as well

out of nowhere, you're reassigned to the administrative sphere. you'll no longer serve on active duty. because, according to him, while your skills are formidable, they're needed elsewhere. in a nutshell, you were practically being demoted

he doesn't provide more reasons for this decision despite his brothers attempts to cajole an answer from him, and citing how much of an asset you were on the battlefield.

his words were final, and there you were—not even back to square one. for you were neither seen nor heard of, just lost among a sea of cogs in a machinery

the passage of time has flown rather quickly since then, bringing attendant changes—both bad and good ones

kuai liang and tomas have charted a new course; they left the lin kuei after a series of disputes with bi-han concerning his leadership and vision

and this saddened you when the news reached your ears, especially because tomas never deemed it fit to inform you or include you in his plans. while you were forbidden from interacting with him, he could still find a way to communicate with you if he wanted to

you're hurt by this, but you know it's probably incomparable to how bi-han must've felt about having his brothers turn their backs on him.

due to your new (limited) position, you're no longer in proximity to him. infact, you barely see him outside of general morning assembly and drills.

a part of you wants to know how he's fairing regarding this unforeseen circumstance, so you decide to go to him where you know you'll no doubt find him—the meeting room, at dusk.

with a teacup in hand, you braved the door that holds the domineering figure within. knocking softly, tentatively; you hear an intimidating, "enter." inhaling sharply, you step inside

bi-han is a bit taken aback by your presence though his expression doesn't betray this. he is stoic and composed, as always

"i did not request your presence." he coldly states matter-of-factly, making you gulp. a slight tremble to your fingers as you clutch the teacup closer to your chest

"yes, you did not" you affirm. "but i thought it appropriate to see you after learning of recent events." you proceed to gently set the teacup on the table, his unblinking stare fixed on you

"i don't need your coddling or anyone else's for that matter." he sneers, clearly insulted by your gesture but you don't let it affect you as much.

"i know you don't need anyone or anything" you utter in hushed tones, speaking more to yourself than to him before continuing, "but... just accept this, please."

your appeal is met with complete silence, and without feeling like you've overstayed your welcome, you bow your head slightly. "i'll be on my way now." you announce, taking to your heels, and gliding past lin kuei members on the corridor as you head towards your station.

the tea you served bi-han remained untouched. and by morning, it was cleared from the table. however, the days after that empathetic move of yours ushered in many surprises...

it was nighttime, the sky outside pitch black, when an invitation was sent to your quarters in the form of bi-han himself, standing tall by your doorframe, towering and imposing, requesting you to accompany him on a... stroll?

you barely had time to process what was happening in the moment; fingers reaching to adjust the neckline of your robe, a movement that didn't escape his piercing gaze, before going along with him

since it was close to midnight, the base wasn't teeming with much activity, as most of the lin kuei members had already retired for the night, so your nightly engagement went mostly unnoticed as you walked alongside him. the cool night air brushing past your skin

he doesn't speak much to you, and you don't either, besides a few curt responses here and there when he asked about your duties and such.

before you knew what was happening, you were right back to your living quarters with bi-han escorting you. you bid him goodnight, to which he nodded and went about his way.

you're still in shock, in disbelief at what had occurred, and the awkwardness of it all preoccupied your mind for days on end. you desired answers to the multiple questions that circled your mind. but the answers did not come until several nightly engagements later....

following tender touches under the gleaming moonlight

[randxmthxughts]

Avatar Masterlist

JC Avatar Universe fanfiction - constantly updating (*- longer fics)

I write for Neteyam, Tsu'tey, Ao'nung, open to writing for Lo'ak, Jake

Neteyam:

*All For You - Neteyam x Ta’unui ! reader / enemies to lovers! - pt. 1 | pt. 2

when Quaritch attacks the Ta’unui water clan, Y/N flees to the Metkayina clan for safety. She develops feelings for Neteyam but the tensions grow when Y/N finds out that Neteyam is the son of Jake Sully - the man she hates.

*Be Mine - Neteyam x Metkayina ! reader / fake dating!

the one, where neteyam pretends to court the reader to avoid all of the nagging from his parents and a group of admirers. of course, it doesn’t take long for her to fall for him too

Human Stuff - Neteyam x Human ! reader (afab) / period cramps  

the one, where a confused na’vi teenager tries to comfort his human friend while she’s on her period

Your lips, my lips, apocalypse - Neteyam x Omatikaya ! reader

when y/n hangs out with the women at the lab and decides to put on lipstick to feel pretty, her friends start to make fun of her. but not neteyam, he thinks she looks cute

*And I cried when you first said, "Oel ngati kameie" - Neteyam x Metkayina ! reader / forbidden love!

despite her father’s wariness of the sully’s and their ‘demon-blood,’ y/n can’t help but feel drawn to neteyam. as the two of them bond over their similar experiences of parental pressure, he finds himself falling in love with her

*Second Chances - Neteyam x Omatikaya ! reader / love triangle!

y/n and lo'ak were destined to be together, or so she thought... after moving to awa'atlu with the sully's, lo'ak starts to fall for a certain metkayina girl, leaving y/n completely heartbroken. it is unexpected when neteyam, who has been secretly harboring feelings for her, decides to tend to her wounds. can y/n reciprocate his love?

Nerves Talking - Neteyam x Crybaby ! reader / misscommunication

after spending months teaching his little sister’s friend how to hunt, neteyam is surprised by the lack of her progress. later on, he discovers then that she is just too nervous to be around him because of her not-so-small crush

Tunutu (Crush) - Neteyam x Omatikaya ! reader / childhood friends to lovers

although neteyam had never reciprocated her feelings, choosing him was always an easy decision for y/n, one of those she could make in a heartbeat. so when another man tries to win her affections, neteyam suddenly becomes aware of what he has been missing out on

*Chosen by Eywa - Neteyam x Omatikaya ! reader / series (complete)

eywa makes no mistakes... in the midst of his preparation to become the future olo'eyktan, neteyam is told to be with a chosen mate. guided by the signs of eywa, tsahik picks y/n, a woman orphaned by the war, whose heart already belongs to another. y/n's whole world begins to crumble, as she is forced into the loveless bond. will neteyam and y/n be able to overcome the odds and find their true happiness?

Tsu'tey:

Child of Our Own - Tsu'tey x Omatikaya ! reader

seeing his friends already awaiting their firstborns, tsu'tey begins to yearn for a baby of his own, but he is too shy to tell you about it

Unrequited Love - Tsu’tey x Omatikaya ! reader / smut

you had been in love with tsu'tey for as long as you could remember. so when you see his heart break again at the loss of another mate, you offer him comfort, expecting nothing in return

Unrequited - Tsu’tey x Omatikaya ! reader / series (complete)

based on Unrequited Love: y/n had been in love with tsu'tey since they were kids, watching him get his heart broken over and over, until he became hardened. on one particular night, she offers him intimacy with no expectations in return, which sparks up a complex relationship between them. they grapple with guilt, unrequited love, and newfound intimacy, as y/n and tsu'tey navigate the depths of their feelings for each other

Captain Save a Hoe - Tsu'tey x Avatar ! reader

grumpy tsu’tey having to take care of a clumsy avatar!reader, and eventually warming up to her

Let Me Hear My Child - Tsu'tey x Pregnant ! reader / headcanons

tsu'tey's reaction to finding out his mate is pregnant

You'll be a great dad - Tsu'tey x Pregnant ! reader / Tsu'tey x Jake

tsu'tey is overwhelmed with anxiety and fear upon hearing the news of his mate's pregnancy and becoming a father, but like a good friend, jake is there to calm him down

Can't wait to meet you - Tsu'tey x Pregnant ! reader

pregnant!reader having to reassure tsu'tey that he will be a great father, despite his fears

Just Married - Tsu'tey x Female ! mate

when you stepped into the public eye for the first time after your mating, tsu'tey couldn't contain the overflowing affection he held for you. but because you felt insecure about the way you were being perceived by the clan, tsu'tey decided to prove you otherwise

Ao'nung:

Heaven in Hiding - Ao'nung x Metkayina ! reader / secret dating!

ao'nung and you have been hiding your relationship for some time now but there comes a moment when you want more than that

Thinking out loud about avatar (my opinions/analyses/theories):

sully kids watching jake's old diary logs

neteyam taking the move to awa'atlu the best out of the sully's

jake cringing at "my husband was toruk makto" bc of his own insecurities

jake and quaritch making up

-- let me know, if you want to be added to my taglist ♡ 

[carrionofamurderprey]

In Defense of Nancy Wheeler,

a short collection of thoughts concocted by someone who is very used to defending a character that is shitted on and misunderstood by half the fandom and victimized by poor writing choices.

1.) In Defense of her being a bad friend

"she abandoned barb and that's why she died"

principally... a shitty thing to do, but i'd ARGUE it was a lapse of judgement that literally triggers her entire character arc. HEAR ME..

and a weaker, but still valid argument that does not excuse her decision, but is fair nonetheless.. how was she supposed to know barb was going to get swallowed up by an inter dimensional monster in the pool???… just saying. JUST SAYING.

Like I mentioned, it triggered a huge character arc for Nancy. Nancy felt awful that Barb went missing, and she recognized her faults. This guilt and confusion toward the tragedy led her to other realizations, like the state of her relationship, who Steve is as a person, and her own identity. My girl had a lot on her plate and she paid her debts in FULL solving Hawkins mysteries to not only compensate for what happened to Barb, but protect her friends and family!!!!!!

Don’t even get me started on how she felt not being able to tell Barb’s parents once she found out what really happened. Must’ve been awful.

2.) In defense of her shitty love triangle (my biggest point arguably)

everyone who hates her because of the love triangle she's subjected to are (and i’m sorry to say it but not really,) stupid. her character is obviously trying to break out of being central to a love triangle, but the writers can not for the life of them figure out what to do with steve and jonathan past s3 developmentally, which keeps her stuck in that place.

Nancy is so badass and has so much potential.

Someone also pointed out the underlying misogynistic issue of keeping women’s development “at bay,”— whether it be intentional or not!!— by having their entire importance dependent on male characters. That’s a post for another day, though.

and i'd like to point out she's not in a place like el, who is also in a canon love triangle, but also completely able to realize and explore her independence after catalysts (being friends with max, breaking up with mike).

THIS IS BECAUSE SHE HASNT HAD THE CHANCE TO BE AUTHENTICALLY ALONE AND REALIZE THE IMPACT OF HER OWN CATALYSTS (barb incident, solving hawkins mysteries)!

nancy’s character— to me and many others feels like she is given the illusion of choice by the writers. nancy in her love triangle is more like mike in his. she is not given the same opportunity to branch out, and is instead stuck choosing between two people, like mike. el's only choice is mike or herself. despite both being female characters that discover their independence, nancy isn't far enough on the receiving end to have her own arc.

Now logically, Nancy could branch out and be alone, and so could Mike. However, just like Mike is set up to be in love with Will, Nancy is set up to be in love with her male interests. Whereas this is sets a tone of freedom and accomplishment for Mike’s character, this.. to me, sets a tone of imprisonment and stillness for Nancy’s.

Final: There is still hope for Nance in s5

i would really like to see more parallels between these two friendships in season 5. like el and max, robin and nancy didn't start off being best friends!!

nancy was standoffish toward robin like el was with max, and they both reacted that way because of a boy, but then slowly realized they valued their female friendship more than romance.

this friendship helped el escape vecna and the idea that she needs approval from the males in her life.

i think it would be cool if they didsomething like that with robin and nancy instead of keeping her at such a stand still with steve and jonathan in the final season.

FIN🤌🏾

[person25]

Organizing my thoughts/feelings towards Naruto ships and my thoughts/feelings on it (also disclaimer I can’t outright hate any ship, I can always get why people ship it so no bashing in this!)

Let’s start with Canon(if one’s not here then I have zero opinion on it):

ShikaTema: They’re widely liked among the fandom. I don’t hate them. They’re cute and had good development. I would never read a fic for them though so. Take that as you will.

NaruHina: Oh boy. Let’s get into this. So, the thing with them is I love that they could give each other the loving family that that never had growing up. I enjoy them as they are in canon. They’re just..not my favorite romance wise, ya know? I wouldn’t read a fic for them.

SasuSaku: Now these guys, I like these guys. I used to not like them so much but they’ve grown on me a lot. Their dynamic is good and does have development despite what others might say. I would read a fic for them.

NejiTen (they’re canon to me): They could’ve been so much more😭 The one ship with the obvious romantic tension(early on). Probably wouldn’t read a fic for them though.

Non-Canon Straight Ships:

ShikaIno: I think they could’ve grown together as people. Him getting over the sexism. Her getting over the obsession with her looks. Though, honestly, I don’t mind their canon interests it would’ve been interesting to see them together. Would read a fic if it fit specific standards.

LeeSaku: I can see why people ship them, but personally don’t like them romantically. Would not read a fic for them.

KibaHina: I like them. Misunderstanding trope would go crazy with these two. Wouldn’t read a fic but i sure as hell could write one.

NaruSaku: My loves. They could’ve been so much more😔 Though, with them, I love their dynamic in anyway shape or form so I don’t mind that they didn’t end up canon as long as they stay friends. Would read a fic for them.

Non-canon queer ships:

ObiKaka: I love them in a way that nobody else loves them. I like the idea of their og team being a love triangle in the actual way. Obito likes Rin, Rin likes Kakashi, Kakashi likes Obito. But of course, Kakashi couldn’t handle emotions bc of course. Would read a fic for them.

KakaIru: I love them in a married couple and their adopted child way. Not too crazy about them though. Would read a fic where they main pairing but would enjoy their romantic side-plot.

SakuHina: I have very complicated feelings towards this ship. So, the thing with them is I know most people only shipped them so that sasunaru’s wives were out of the way. I don’t like that. But if someone likes them for different reasons then ily. Wouldn’t read a fic for them.

SakuIno: FAV WLW SHIP😍 So much potential. Another pairing that could grow together + the comphet thing they got going on. I would read a fic for them.

ShikaNaru: Holy biscuits guys, I love them. Naruto’s first friend. The Hokage and his advisor?! I also love the idea of Chill Guy Shikamaru with the most unchill person in existence. Would read a fic for them.

SasuNaru: Very first queer ship I ever shipped (that’s crazy) back in the day. Of course I love them!! The bond they share is like no other in the show. They’re like, literally soulmates. Sun and Moon. As Sasuke said, his “ONE AND ONLY…friend!” Would read a fic for them.

MadaTobi: Oh my lord. I love them. Was very confused when i first discovered this ship. I definitely understand now. They’re so divorced in the war arc lmao. Would read a fic for them.

Team 7: As in, Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto. This is a no brainer since I love all of these ships individually. It’s very “I’m bisexual and my girl and guy crushes started dating😕” They figure it out eventually. Would read a fic for them.

Boruto ships:

InoHima: They’re cute. Love a ship where the girl is stronger than the guy. The implied future canon ships in Boruto have a lot more development earlier on than the Naruto canon ones do so i’m really enjoying it. Though, I wouldn’t read a fic for them just yet (this may change).

BoruSara: By far my favorite straight ship in all Naruto media. Way up there in all time favs. Love an Uchiha x Uzumaki ship, but honestly, I don’t ship them this crazily because they’re the next best thing behind sasunaru. They have a completely different dynamic that i love. Would read a fic for.

Holy yap bro.

Anyway, if you wanna hear my thoughts on any other ships or a more in depth breakdown of any previously mentioned just let me know!

This post was mainly just me sorting through how i felt because i’ve had some pretty complicated relationships with some of these guys.

[ckret2]

Even if you never explore or talk about it in goldilocks, what angle are you approaching past fiddauthor in the fic. Love triangle that only exist in bill head or fiddleford having a strong one sided love

I haven't fully decided yet.

Some of the fandom has a perception like fiddauthor and billford are opposed sides of a war, like if you like one of them it means you hate the other and want to see it "defeated." I don't like that attitude and I don't like that part of the fandom.

A fic in which billford happens is just a billford fic. But a fic in which billford happens and also Fidds & Ford's relationship gets explored at some point (and they don't end up together) runs the risk of being, mmm... unwillingly drafted into the army? As if it's taken a "side"?

Or like, a risk of the audience's expectations priming them to misinterpret the fic like "it's Bill vs Fidds, who will win Ford!!" And I'm not interested in that, there's no competition, Bill's relationship with Ford and Fiddleford's relationship with Ford are two completely separate things that have nothing to do with each other, one of them being removed wouldn't impact Ford's relationship with the other.

So along with the most important matters here—characterization, plot, all that good stuff—a subordinate concern I'm juggling is, how do I handle Fidd & Ford's dynamic in such a way that conveys this isn't a fic that's against fiddauthor, it's just a fic where fiddauthor isn't taking place.

As of TBOB I'm convinced that there's a high chance Fiddleford is/was in love with Ford, and Ford's romantically oblivious ass just completely didn't notice it. (And it's very funny.) But, if ever we reach a point in the fic where simultaneously Bill's in love with Ford and Fiddleford's in love with Ford and Ford develops feelings for Bill, it's gonna look like there was a competition and Fidds lost it. (This isn't helped by the fact that Bill would 100% view it like a competition and be the smuggest little shit about "winning," because he's an insecure shit who only feels like he's on top if everyone else has been knocked to the bottom.)

Along with that not being the narrative I want to tell... I also feel like Fidds doesn't deserve that, you know? Just picture it:

You're in love with a dude, you go through hell following this dude around, he inexplicably gets super hostile to you and kicks you out of his life, your life gets ruined over this mess, you later discover he turned hostile because his demonic imaginary friend was shit talking you to him and also said demonic imaginary friend was horrifically abusing the dude you love, thirty years later you're still in love with this dude, you've reconciled with him, you're friends again, he's super remorseful for taking you for granted and is demonstrating more concern for your feelings and needs than he ever has before, and—bam you find out that the dude you love has started dating the abusive demonic imaginary friend.

Can you imagine. Can you fucking imagine. God. If I were him I'd rebuild the memory gun just to make the dude the imaginary friend and me all forget we ever even met each other, fuck this shit, wow.

On the OTHER hand if I went with "hahaha we're just friendly friends who are friends and only friends neither of us ever had any feelings for each other that weren't friend feelings nope" to avoid the appearance of a competition, there's a chance it could still come across like,, "lol fiddauthor loses" just on a meta level rather than an in-fic level. Plus post TBOB I'm not sure if I'd even be able to buy that myself lmao. (Seriously, who the heck makes multiple handmade Christmas gifts for his "colleague" who doesn't even celebrate Christmas and forgets to get anything for his wife, god that kills me.)

It's still a while until I get to the chapters where we dig deep enough into the Fords' relationship that I'll have to make a decision. No matter what, I'm not gonna compromise the ✨integrity of my artistic vision✨ over concerns about potential hypothetical readers' reading comprehension; but like there's more than one way an artistic vision can be expressed, and I'd like to express it in a way that doesn't actively exacerbate the risk of people inserting a narrative I didn't write into my fic.

I want what I write to portray Fiddleford as an old, close, dear friend of Ford's—not as the loser in a love triangle.

[hp-hcs]

🄼🄰🅂🅃🄴🅁🄻🄸🅂🅃

male, nonbinary, & gender-neutral readers x hp characters

NOT UP TO DATE!!!

requests: open! (RULES)

join the taglist!

Do you hate it when you find a fic that says “x reader” only for it to have she/her pronouns, as if it’s some inherent rule that only fem people read fanfiction? WELL DO I HAVE A BLOG FOR YOU.

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。.・゜✭・.

am i reorganizing my masterlist for the 10,000th time? yep! i’ve finally written enough that i need to break this down into tinier masterlists!

key: 🚹 = male reader ⚧️ = nonbinary reader 🚻 = gender-neutral reader

☣️ = yandere tw 💥 = violence tw ‼️ = homophobia/transphobia tw 🩸 = blood/gore tw 🧨 = implied sexual content/sexual innuendos ❤️‍🔥 = smut tw

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

mattheo riddle masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

theodore nott masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

polyamorous/non-monogamous masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

“Splinched” masterlist • theodore nott 🚹🩸

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

“Pansy’s Brother” masterlist • theodore nott 🚹 ☣️ 💥

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

“lipstick” masterlist • enzo berkshire and draco malfoy 🚻 ☣️ ❤️‍🔥

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

“watercolors” masterlist • tom riddle 🚹

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

“The Doll” masterlist • enzo berkshire, regulus black, draco malfoy, theodore nott, mattheo riddle, and blaise zabini 🚻 💥

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

“phoenix tears” masterlist • riddle brothers 🚹 ‼️💥🩸

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

draco malfoy:

the audacity, i can’t believe this 🚹

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

enzo berkshire:

shut up 🚹☣️❤️‍🔥

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

ron weasley:

love triangle 🚹

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

neville longbottom:

mr. green thumb 🚻

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

weasley twins:

common room confessions 🚹

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

blaise zabini:

uniforms ⚧️

fiendfyre 🚹

yandere! blaise zabini headcanons 🚻

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

narcissa malfoy:

yandere! mother! headcanons 🚻 ☣️💥

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

riddle brothers:

June 🚻

crystal 🚻☣️💥 (referenced attempted S/A tw)

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

pansy parkinson:

paralyzer 🚻

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

viktor krum:

sibling rivalry 🚻

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・. .・。✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。✭・.

slytherin boys hcs:

slytherin boys: gn! muggleborn! reader’s music taste is rather…unexpected 🚻

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。.・゜✭・.

random non-reader stories:

key:

❌= implied/referenced child abuse tw 🛑= graphic child abuse tw

“where have you been?”

molly weasley discovers the extent of the dursleys’ abuse ❌

the weasley family and their cinematic adventures

just some funky lil headcanons

Harry Potter and the Amount of Abuse He Suffered at the Hands of His Guardians That Doesn’t Get Mentioned Nearly Enough (aka LET THE POOR BOY BE TRAUMATIZED)

writing prompt: “…jegulus taking in teenage harry after he runs away from the dursleys” 🛑 ❌

untitled tomarry thingy (i just love them okay)

writing prompt: “Touch starved Tom / Voldemort” 🛑 ❌

two thousand words of pure marauders-raise-harry fluff

writing prompt: “regulus black becoming the best seeker ever and harry being his biggest fan and then he finds out that his dad use to date him and he tries (and plots with sirius) to get them back together just so he can call the regulus black his stepdad”

Children Don’t Belong in Cupboards (pt. 1/?)

synopsis: jily comes to the dursleys’ to get their son back 🛑 ❌

.・。.・゜✭・. ☾ ⋆*・。.・゜✭・.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

You know one thing I'm deeply disappointed about how this show does secret identities is they NEVER go for the extreme comedy misunderstandings based on the secret identities.

Like ok, a big fandom thing before season 2 was Lila liking Marinette but hating Ladybug and that would be so interesting! Imagine if Lila assumed Marinette hated Ladybug too because she always leaves when LB shows up and like tried to rope her into a plan or framed her for one of her anti LB schemes!

The funniest thing you can do with a secret identity is give the two halves a perceived dynamic in the public and expand on that! Maybe Adrien seems to hate Chat Noir! Maybe someone other than Andre thinks two sides of the love square are actually a love triangle! Maybe Marinette has to come up with an elaborate excuse for why she knows something and the class assumes she's Ladybug's best friend.

Actually another Idea I had is Chat Noir discovering Marinette had the Miracle Box and assuming "oh Ladybug decided to leave the box with Marinette so someone would always be watching it while we're fighting Hawkmoth, how clever!"

How did this go for five seasons and we NOT end up with a beat like that it's COMEDY GOLD.

(I mean obviously it's not a requirement of any secret identity story, I personally just think it would have been really funny)

Preaching to the choir here! I delight in using the secret identities for comedy gold! I think the problem is that it's really hard to do these sorts of plots in a single episode and then let them vanish from the characters' memories. Serious identity shenanigans only work if you're allowed to progress the plot and draw things out over a few episodes. Being okay with an identity reveal is also a big part of these things as most good identity shenanigans with Adrien, Marinette, and their friends eventually lead to a reveal. If you're not okay with a reveal or even just a change in the status quo, then these stagnate quickly.

My fics that focus on comedic identity shenanigan are all tension builds where things get ever more ridiculous until everything breaks and the reveal happens. That seems to be true across the fandom and of course it is! If you want to do serious identity shenanigans, then you have to let them change things.

If you don't want to let things change, then the identity shenanigans need to stay a minor, cheap gag. A good example of this is Perry the Platypus from Phineas and Ferb. Perry is the titular characters' pet platypus who is secretly a secret agent. It's a cute gag, but it's also not a serious thing that they boys need to know, so the shenanigan around this secret identity are pretty minimal because the more narrative weight this secret gets, the more it needs to have an end game.

Take Adrien hating Chat Noir as an example. Great concept! Love it! But where does that concept go if we can't let anyone in on his secret? That's the payoff to the joke. The reveal that makes it all make sense. But we can't have that, so we can't make Adrien hate Chat Noir.

It's like a comedic version of Lila's lies. Even if those were well told, the fun would be in the anticipation of Lila's reveal. No reveal and the lies are just annoying no matter how good they are.

[neowinestainedress]

GLIMPSE OF US ― SERIES

— One day you think you have everything under control, a job, the love of your life, your passions, and your friends, then one day you realize that not everything that shines it’s gold. Fresh out of college and pushed harshly into the real world trying to survive, it’s not easy to deal with life. And between ups and downs, it gets even hard to get a glimpse of the people we know best and love the most. But life’s unpredictable, and after all, it’s a journey made to make new connections and truly discover yourself, and realize that time changes people but that doesn’t mean you have to let them go. Everything will find the place where it belongs.

PAIRINGS: haechan x oc, jaemin x oc, haechan x ex girlfriend!oc, jaemin x haechan's ex girlfriend!oc

GENRE: childhood best friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, exes to lovers, lovers to exes, non-idol au, love triangle (but not really, is more complicated than that), fluff, angst, smut | requested (be careful reading these asks [n2 and n3] bc a lot of things were discussed and might be spoilers!!!)

STATUS: 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋���𝐓𝐄𝐃

PLAYLIST: glimpse of us

MOODBOARDS: the characters | the relationships (will be out when the series is done to avoid spoilers) | pinterest board (the couples' sections contain spoilers)

TAGLIST: comment to be added | general taglist: @froggyforyoongi, @wingsss45, @tddyhyck

CHAPTER ONE ― GENRE: fluff ― SUMMARY: after a year of drying tears, and three of dating, haechan’s ex-girlfriend comes back in their life and hyejin’s biggest fears start growing again. But everything is fine because hyejin and haechan fit right into each other palm. ― WARNINGS: none ― WC: 4k

CHAPTER TWO ― GENRE: fluff, smut ― SUMMARY: jaemin arrives in korea, and he and hyejin immediately get along. But while he tries to settle in, new doubts creep into his mind, keeping him hooked on her relationship with haechan more than he should. ― WARNINGS: smut, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex ― WC: +5k

CHAPTER THREE ― GENRE: fluff, slight angst ― SUMMARY: feelings that shouldn’t exist surface after jaemin proposes to do something with hyejin after haechan declined, and things start to get complicated. ― WARNINGS: none ― WC: +5k

CHAPTER FOUR ― GENRE: fluff, slight angst ― SUMMARY: heartfelt conversations are shared, and hyejin can only push her fears away for so long before they jump back at her, making her question if the choices made until now are the right ones. The problem is the new choices might lead down a treacherous path. ― WARNINGS: verbal fight ― WC: +5k

CHAPTER FIVE ― GENRE: fluff, slight angst ― SUMMARY: it’s time to face reality, no matter how painful it is, but hyejin is not sure she is ready for it. ― WARNINGS: none ― WC: 4k

CHAPTER SIX ― GENRE: angst, smut, fluff ― SUMMARY: everything falls apart and putting back the pieces to start brand new is harder than expected. but it’s time to move on and address feelings that have been hiding for too long, but most importantly, try to not mess up another time. ― WARNINGS: angst, smut, alcohol consumption, fing*ring, sq*irting, unprotected s*x, dirty talk, oral s*x, switchy/subby hyuck (no dom/sub dynamics tho), hair pulling, kinda hate s*x (there are unresolved feelings coming out), fingers sucking, handj*b ― WC: +19k

CHAPTER SEVEN ― GENRE: smut, fluff, light angst ― SUMMARY: eventually, everything finds the place where it belongs. ― WARNINGS: smut, public s*x, fingering, h*ndjob, unprotected s*x, oral s*x (f receiving) ― WC: +13k

BONUS

© neowinestaindress; all rights reserved. do NOT repost, modify, or translate any work from this blog on any other platform and claim it as yours. you can find my works on ao3 (neowinestaindress) and wattpad (winestaintedress_; currently inactive).

[haveyouplayedthisttrpg]

A 2024 retrospective

It's the 15th of december and I don't think there will be a lot happening in the last weeks of the year. I will schedule polls until the 22nd and then it's a break till it's 2025. In the mean time, let's do a little retrospective of my year

Running a Poll Blog

In February I started this blog. As of writing, we've had 529 games and i'm sure there's some "big names" that haven't been polled yet. And we haven't got the big D game either. Don't worry, there will be a special day for it.

Anyway thank you all for voting, rebloging and submitting. I am glad to be part of the tumblr ttrpg community.

Playing TTRPG

I like stats. I like having sheets for thing like sessions played, whole collection and my bed.

This year I have played 51 sessions total. It's actually a 50/50 of online and in-person (26-25). Being in a ttrpg club really helps (21 sessions). I also played a lot on @anim-ttrpgs discord book club, great place ( and it's no wonder that Eureka is one of my most played this year).

I mostly played One shot ( 25 sessions)

I was a GM only 19 times, that was a vacation.

My busiest month was July with 10 sessions, that was.... a month.

My most played game this year are :

1 Knight an avalon RPG

2 Eureka

3 Triangle Agency

4 City of mist, The Dark Eye and Vaesen

In total I played 24 official games plus 4 different home systems

Game Design

I had a long pause of writing games. This year, I went out of my funk, created and published again. It felt good. I wanna thank the Nagademon and the Anim TTRPG communities for this.

I published Cooking in Dungeon : a solo larp game for those who have no idea what to cook for their meals

The TCG Oracle : a game that uses any trading card game cards for gmless adventures.

Chaos at Cosplay Con : Everyone at the con became their cosplays. Some lost their mind to the characters, but you didn't and now your group needs to get out before the costume consumes you.

A TTRPG addict

I love ttrpg, I wouldn't run this blog otherwise.

This is seen by my ever growing collection, both books and pdf. I bought games that I discovered thanks to this blog. The blog also made me think about where my games come from, and I tend to consume locally a lot, either with original creations or translations.

I am also impatient (the main reason i learned english is because the english manga scans were further ahead than the french ones) and a good target for FOMO so i often pledge for crowdfunding projects. I am waiting on a lot of them still, mostly pdf, I have my own trello to keep track of them.

Good thing with pdf : they don't take place on the shelves and you don't pay an import tax on them. Bad thing : you can't use them to build a house out of books cause your addiction went awry.

Here's to 2025

Here's to a new year that I hope will be better than the last, and so forth for any future year. May I not lose myself between too many projects and ideas and not finish any of them. I have already started a new one this december, somewhat anonymously and already I hate the white page in front of me.

And here's to staying on tumblr cause it's my trashcan thank you very much, and I will only leave by the force of the bayonets.

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

I like Moonbli. It’s one of my favorite ships actually, even if it’s not written quite well.

“But it’s so plain/boring/rushed!”

While I understand why people view Moonbli that way, I think the ship kinda makes sense that it became canon within the series and that the ship is cute & has good potential within it.

Qibli is one of the characters Moonwatcher has been with the most throughout the 2nd Arc.

They have some nice scenes and moments together that we unfortunately didn’t see due to being in the PoV of other dragons, like Peril.

Like with Moon and Qibli mourning Kinkajou condition’s together while Winter and Hailstorm were traveling to and at the Ice Kingdom and Turtle traveling with Peril (who were in the PoV of in Book 8).

As well as them bonding together within Possibility, such as when they went to the city’s library together, which is a scene that was mentioned by them within DoD to occur.

Qibli also is the second dragon to talk to Moon and come to terms with the fact she has powers after she revealed them, with both of them working together in order to find out who blew up the history cave with a dragonflame cactus.

And their ship being rushed within the story is unfortunate but at least understandable to occur within the series.

Since Tui. herself mentioned that she was conflicted about how to conclude the love triangle within the story because it could work either way, but she eventually decided to put Moon and Qibli together, so that may explain why it felt so rushed within the series.

And the fact that it felt like - at least, to me - Part 3 of Darkness of Dragons was squished into the series with the two fleshed out parts of the book with Qibli within the Scorpion den and SandWing Kingdom.

So while it doesn’t excuse that the ship is rushed, it does and may explain why that occurred in the first place.

Plus, while Moonbli isn’t developed well in canon, they, indeed, have the POTENTIAL to be an interesting and good ship.

Both Moonwatcher and Qibli are traumatized teenagers who were neglected and lived within a dangerous environment throughout their childhood and they both felt needed to mask and hide who they are in order to not be hated and rejected by others. With them learning that others will accept them for who they are being an important parts of their Arcs within their books.

Moonwatcher was physically neglected by her mother in order for her to not live within the volcano and be discovered by her tribe. This resulted in Moon, since the literally very day she hatched, to be left for literal days on end without the supervision of her mother, to the point that she had to learn how to hunt and gather for own food as a literal young child, within the rainforest, which is an environment filled to the brim with dangerous plants, animals and obstacles that could easily harm and/or even kill a young dragonet.

Due to her mother negatively viewing Moon’s powers similarly to how a neurotypical mother would negatively view their child’s autism and caring more about Moon’s reputation more than - without even considering - Moon’s comfortability around other dragons, she told Moon that she must hide her powers or else everyone around her would either dislike, hate or reject her for that part of herself.

This resulted in Moon to be socially anxious and even paranoid around other dragons, masking and hiding the fact that she has powers out fear of being rejected and hated by everyone around her, including the very dragons she grew to bond with (which also resulted in her to be more likely to be manipulated by Darkstalker).

Throughout her book, while at the JMA (and away from her mother), Moon thinks about whether SHE dislikes her powers and if SHE would want to get rid of them if she had the chance. Moon learns that they’re other dragons who will accept her and powers, and she decides to be herself and tells others about her powers when she’s comfortable or feels the need to do so.

While was physically and emotionally neglected by his mother. To the point that he was forced to hunt and steal food from other dragons in order to survive, within a dangerous environment full of dragons that would harm and even kill him if they ever caught him. He was physically and verbally abused by her and his siblings as well.

Due to this, Qibli was insecure and wished that everyone would like him, to the point that he felt to need to mask who he is by presenting himself is a “cheerful, extroverted and funny” type of dragon in order to be love and accepted instead of hated and discriminated by others and even wanting to have Darkstalker’s powers in order to be love by others and fix the bad problems of the world.

Throughout his book, he learns Darkstalker’s ways of making other dragons like him is wrong and pulls away from the possibility of having animus magic, not just because of the fact that he knew that Darkstalker was going to brainwash him and use him as a pawn, but probably also because of the fact that using magic in the ways he wanted to is wrong. From the experience with his friends and within his book, he learns that they’re other dragons who’ll accept him who he is, instead of the dragon he masks and pretends to be.

I like to think that they could bond, comfort, and sympathize with each other over their understanding over having similar experiences and trauma from being neglected and forced to survive by themselves within a dangerous environment throughout the majority of their childhood. And how they, while getting to know each other, open up and reveal parts of their true selves, and then help each other unmask themselves out their fears of rejection as well as help one another learn they they’re other dragons who will accept and love them for who they are.

So yeah - overall Moonbli is a cute ship that does have good potential, but unfortunately wasn’t executed well within canon.

Also I’m so sorry if I said anything wrong and/or didn’t write this as well as I should’ve, I typed this at around 1:00 am - 2:00 am lol.

.

[ranchthoughts]

Another Update on the GMMTV Kissing Multiverse

Hello everyone! Back again with another update on the GMMTV Kissing Multiverse.

The first version is here, second version here.

EDIT: New update is here, the tag for future updates is here.

Rules

Must have visible lip to lip contact

Must be shown on screen in a GMMTV tv series (no kisses from ads, promotional content, etc.)

Breakdown by Show

I have analyzed 61 shows so far:

(full list in alt text)

Breakdown By Actor

I have analyzed 112 actors so far:

(full lists in alt text)

Results and Discussion

Most Kissing Pairs Per Show

The shows with the most different kissing pairs are:

Warp Effect (15 different pairs)

Friendzone (11 different pairs)

U-Prince (9 different pairs)

The Player and The Jungle (7 different pairs each)

Only Friends (5 different pairs)

Not Me and 3 Will Be Free have 4 each, then Mama Gogo, Moonlight Chicken, P.S. I Hate You, Theory of Love, and Three Gentlebros have 3 different kissing pairs each.

The Power of Jojo

As discovered in the first iteration, Jojo has an outsized impact on the number of kissing pairs.

He directed roughly 13% of all the shows analyzed but his shows contain about 33% of kisses present in the data set. Jojo also directed 4 of the top 6 shows with the most different kissing pairs (and 6 of the top 13).

The median number of "different kissing pairs per show" of a Jojo show is 6.0, compared to a median of only 1.8 "different kissing pairs per show" in non-Jojo shows.

(note: I am just looking at kissing pair iterations here not at unique kissing pairs, e.g., Phuwin/Pond are a pair in two shows (once in a Jojo show and once in a non-Jojo show), so they are counted twice.)

Most Kissing Partners

There has been a shift in the rankings... Welcome Joss to the top!

Top ranked are Joss with 10 different kissing partners, then Lee and Namtan with 9 different kissing partners each, then Ohm and Nanon with 7 each.

Next are Gigie and Singto with 6 kissing partners each, then Bright, Film, First, Fluke Pusit, Jan, Krist, Mild, New, and Off with 5 each. Finally, Drake, Fah, Neo, Plustor, Tay, and Win have 4 each.

The average number of kissing partners per actor is 2.3.

Most Kissing Partners in One Show

We have four people tied for "Most Kissing Partners in One Show," and they are from only two different shows. A round of applause for Plustor (4 different kissing partners in Friendzone) and for Fluke Pusit, Gigie, and New (each with 4 different kissing partners in Warp Effect)!

Honorable mentions to: Joss (3 in The Player AND 3 in 3 Will Be Free), Namtan (3 in The Player), Neo (3 in Only Friends), and Singto (3 in Friendzone).

Please note all of these shows are Jojo shows.

The Kiss Web

Behold... the Kiss Web:

I made this to better visualize the intertwined who-kisses-who situation going on. It's, uh... a lot.

I also made some fun visual breakdowns to help sort through the mess of the Web:

First image below highlights "kissing triangles" and "squares" (shout out to the 3 Will Be Free trio of Joss, Mild, and Tay; the Friendzone trio of Nat, Plustor, and Singto; and the Warp Effect triangle of Fluke Pusit, Gigie, and New and square of Fah, Gigie, Joong, and New, all of which were established over the course of one show each - yes these are all Jojo shows).

The second image highlights the reach of the top 5 kissers.

The third image shows the incredible kissing webs of Warp Effect (in red) and Friendzone (in blue), the two shows with the most kissing pairs.

Unique vs. Repeat Kissing Pairs

The vast majority of kissing pairs only occur once, in one show. There are 136 "unique" kissing pairs in the data set, with 128 (94%) only appearing once, in one show, and 8 (6%) pairs appearing at least twice.

The 8 pairs that appear in more than one show are:

Book/Force (in A Boss and A Babe, Enchante, and Only Friends)

Bright/Win (in 2gether and Still 2gether)

Dunk/Joong (in Hidden Agenda and Star In My Mind)

Earth/Mix (in A Tale of Thousand Stars, Cupid's Last Wish, and Moonlight Chicken)

Film/Gun (in Not Me and Three Gentlebros)

First/Khaotung (in The Eclipse and Only Friends)

Gun/Off (in Not Me and Theory of Love)

Louis/Neo (in The Eclipse and Fish Upon The Sky)

All these pairs, with the exception of Film/Gun, are BL branded pairs, which says something about the variety of the het GMMTV show world and about the structure of the BL system.

All in all, 99% of mixed gender pairs only appear once, in one show, compared to 88% of same gender pairs.

Same Gender vs. Mixed Gender Kissing Pairs

A change in the data! With all the new kisses we've gotten in, the balance has shifted. Of the 136 "unique" (non-repeated) kissing pairs, 59% are mixed gender pairs and 41% are same gender pairs.

Last time we were at 59% same gender kisses and 41% mixed gender kisses, but our sample includes more het shows now which explains the shift.

I dug into this a little further by looking at how many shows featured both same and mixed gender kissing pairs, and which shows featured only one or the other.

43% of the shows had only same gender kissing pairs, 39% of the shows had only mixed gender kissing pairs, and only 18% of shows featured both. All in all, a fairly even split.

I was curious so I did the math - about 34% of the 112 actors I looked at have only ever kissed someone of the same gender. Of that 34%, roughly 32% have kissed more than one person of the same gender (representing about 11% of the full sample).

And now, some burning questions...

Which of the GMMTV boys has kissed the most guys?

We have a five-way tie for first place: congrats to First, Fluke Pusit, Neo, Plustor, and Singto, with 4 men kissed each!

First kissed Gawin (Not Me), Khaotung (The Eclipse and Only Friends), Mix (Moonlight Chicken), and Ohm (The Shipper)

Fluke Pusit kissed Jay Jatuporn (Warp Effect), New (Warp Effect), Ohm Thipakorn (A Boss and A Babe), and Thor (Warp Effect)

Neo kissed Drake (Only Friends), Force (Only Friends), Louis (Fish Upon The Sky and The Eclipse), and Mark Pakin (Only Friends)

Plustor kissed AJ (Friendzone), Arm (Friendzone), Nat (Friendzone), and Singto (Friendzone) [he was very busy in Friendzone]

Singto kissed Krist (SOTUS), Nat (Friendzone), Ohm (HCTM), and Plustor (Friendzone)

Second place is a five-way tie between Earth, Gawin, Khaotung, Krist, and Ohm who have kissed 3 men each!

There are also 13 men who have kissed two men each: Chimon, Dunk, Force, Gun, Mek, Mix, Nat, New, Papang, Pawin, Phuwin, Pod, and Tay.

*Note: while First and Fluke Pusit appear together in The Shipper, and it gets verrrry close, they do not actually kiss.

Where does Only Friends stand so far?

Only Friends itself is at 5 kissing pairs so far, which is higher than average but only 5th place overall among shows. I believe it can claw its way up easily though (it only needs two more kissing pairs to catch 4th places The Jungle and The Player)!

First has had 5 kissing partners so far which means he's only 2 away from reaching the top 5 Kissers (Joss has 10 kissing partners, Lee and Namtan have 9 each, Nanon and Ohm have 7 each). Neo is at 4 kissing partners, so also within reach of the top if he puts some effort in. Khaotung is at 3 partners, so within reach of the upper echelon but maybe more of a stretch. Force and Mark Pakin are at a respectable 2 partners each so far but Book has only had one kissing partner so he is going to need to kiss a lot to make up some ground. Lookjun is at 2 so she has room to move too.

In terms of gay kisses, First and Neo are already at the top of the leader board with 4 men kissed each, while Khaotung sits in respectable second place with 3 men kissed. All three have a strong chance of moving up the standings (Neo is averaging 1 new kissing partner a week so let's see if that continues). Force has kissed two men so he is not far off either. Mark Pakin and Book have only kissed one man each and thus they are far down the leader board for GMMTV men who have kissed men, but I remain optimistic.

Contributing authors:

@airenyah, @alsoran, @alwaysthepessimist, various anons, @bengiyo, @burnsuncomet, @callipigio, @cangse-sanren, @catboykacchan, @catboyjosten, @catsundmaus, @chickenstrangers, @crowie, @dribs-and-drabbles, @ffirstkhao, @isaksbestpillow, @jeonghanurl, @kattahj, @kpinhiding, @lurkingshan, @maibpenrai, @maybeitdontmakesense, @nieves-de-sugui, @non-binarypal7, @sammie-lightwood-bane, @sollucets, @userneos, @theselightsareblinding, @tiistirtipii, @waitmyturtles, @williamrikers

Data visualization consultants: @chickenstrangers, @wen-kexing-apologist

Asked to be tagged: @blmpff

[impala124]

Bad Buddy Ep 2

My thoughts on Ep 1

Guys, y'all weren't exaggerating about OhmNanon chemistry. I was in a trance whenever they were on the screen together. Now onto my thoughts—

It speaks a lot about my affection towards Pran that I'm willing to overlook him cutting his sandwich into rectangles and not triangles.

Pat sleeping with a dog plushie just makes me double down on my he's just a lost puppy running after Pran agenda.

Not my boy Pran cooking up lore on the spot just to avoid them fighting at the pavilion. And Pat following the lead. I just can't 😂😂.

I like how they don't know that the person in the opposite dorm is the one they've been told to dislike since birth. The anonymity might help them realize their genuine feelings for each other without their familial rivalry coloring it.

Once again, Pa keeping it very real with Pat and not feeding into his delusions.

Pat's signature move when he wants to distract someone seems to be to treat them with food. I love that for him, but bestie has to come up with alternative moves if he doesn't want to end up going broke. I can already tell that Pran is going to be the haver of all brain cells in his and Pat's relationship.

Pran's friends teasing him about a man crushing on him and the camera cutting to Pat laughing. So, it seems like we aren't going for subtlety here.

Well, the anonymity didn't last long. Gotta applaud Pran for letting Pat know the truth instead of leading him on, which he could've if he really hated Pat.

Pat's dad being the quintessential Asian dad by saying, I'm not putting pressure on you; you have to maintain my reputation. Sir, how about I don't see your face for a while?

Okay, I'm not taking sides about the family rivalry, which I know nothing about, but Pat's dad definitely seems like the instigator. Just saying. We'll have to see if I change my opinion of him.

Again, the irony of the father saying that Pran followed Pat around with his guitar when the Freshy Music contest wasn't (probably) even on Pat's radar until he followed Pran to the registration area.

I'm very interested in their individual friend group dynamics, though. Pran's friends, after they discovered that a guy might have a crush on him, responded with teasing but not in a malicious way. On the other hand, Pat's friend's reaction when they found out that the person Pran thought might have a crush on him was a guy was just total avoidance of the matter at hand. Will they address it in the future? We'll have to see.

Is Pran's mom the coach dad from High School Musical to Pran's Troy??? The familial rivalry better be something serious given the way the parents are acting.

I love Petty Pran. His I want you to continue being guilty; coutinue owing me to Pat is giving me life.

Awww, the ticke fight/tussle shows us that even though Pat is physically stronger, Pran is the one who'll end up on top.

Not these dumbasses fighting at the fucking pavilion. All their friends need to just fuck each other to get rid of the tension. Because what is the purpose of men fighting with each other if not a heterosexual excuse to touch another man?

Not mentioned in this episode, but if I'm remembering correctly, Pran has one of Pat's shirts with him from Ep 1. Will he return it or keep it with him just for old times sake? Will they ever mention it again? Only time will tell.

(Tagging some people here because I've seen some express interest in following along. Let me know if you also want to be tagged in the future)