#(Not necessarily related to the post; but those communities might find it helpful)

[mental-health-monday]

On the subject of the culture of technology addiction…

(Skip to the green text for a list of coping mechanisms)

It’s not taken as seriously as it should be, because plenty of people view too much screen time — especially on one’s cell phone — as being an issue that plagues mostly adolescents. That is not entirely accurate. According to a study by the Pew Research Center, 44% of American 18-49 year-olds are online “almost constantly.” (Source) And that’s just a study about spending time online; it doesn’t count the time we spend watching television, playing offline video games, or listening to the radio or music.

Even if you manage to control how much time you spend on your devices, you’re still experiencing second-hand screen time from somewhere. Have you ever turned your back on the television hanging from the ceiling in a restaurant, either because you didn’t like the programming, or you simply didn’t want to watch TV during dinner? How many times have you driven past billboards on the freeway, meant to catch your eye with vibrant, moving pictures of cannabis, fast food, and accident lawyers? How many babies waddle into your workplace with a tablet in their little hands, loudly playing YouTube Kids videos for everyone to hear? I remember when I was about four, being pushed around in a shopping cart shaped like a car that had a little screen in the “dashboard” that played exclusively VeggieTales. I never watched it; but the other little kids sitting at my level in the local Farmer Jack’s certainly did.

Sometimes I find I just can’t get away from technology. Television companies (in the US) used to play the national anthem before signing off for the night — no longer. Everything is awake all the time. Information and entertainment especially catered to YOU is at your fingertips 24/7. What a hell of a drug, eh?

Now, being someone who is CURRENTLY in the throes of a tech binge, rubbing red eyes with burst capillaries, and depressed from sleep deprivation… I am a hot, hot mess. If you’re desperate like me, maybe you’ve tried screen time apps to help manage your phone use. Well… this is about how well it’s been going for the five months I’ve had it:

[Text ID: Circular screen time counter with a daily limit of three hours reading four hours and fifty-nine minutes at 1:08 PM. End Text ID.]

After a month of actually trying, I learned to ignore the notifications telling me to get off my phone because it’s 11:00 PM. My brain no longer registers them, because I’ve rationalized (very irrationally) that there are no real consequences to ignoring the notifications. Like, what’s OffScreen gonna do; sue me?

So, if you need to be held accountable like me, you may find it helpful to announce on social media that you’re taking a tech break for a specific amount of time (say, a week) and turn your “let people know you’re online” indicator ON.

Also, if you’re worried about being bored during your tech break: here is a list of things you can do instead of going on your phone, watching TV, gaming, etc. (I should really follow my own advice):

[Coping mechanisms start here]

Draw the weirdest piece of furniture in your house as a cute anime girl

Pick out a giant book; get some treats (candy, special tea, whatever); you’re only allowed a treat if you’re reading; you’re only allowed to go online recreationally until after you’ve finished the book

Play mindlessly with fidget toys (or study the movement intensely and take detailed notes on it, as if you’re studying an animal species)

Compose a melody on an instrument (No composition experience required; hit notes and write down the combinations that sound good so you’ll remember them. Mess with chords.)

Find some old schoolwork from when you were in high school (if you have a pile lying around somewhere) and see if you can still do it as an adult

Write an ode to the object immediately to your left

Do some yoga poses

Walk in a nature preserve or park. Find a long log and walk on it. 10/10 very healing

Give your children and/or pets some attention. Stop ignoring them. Bastard. /hj

Feed squirrels walnuts and pecans

Put a bird feeder in your yard, get a chair, and watch the local birds go at it (research hummingbird feeders though; certain types are very bad for the hummingbirds)

Draw with sidewalk chalk on your cement

Play ping-pong with the wall

Shoot baskets

Climb a tree (be safe please)

Go to a playground after hours (or off-season), get a big stick, and start hitting the metal poles with the stick to see what kind of tones you can produce

Antique shop-hopping

Find an outdoor event in your area and support local artisans and buskers

Learn to play the kalimba, recorder, harmonica, spoons, jaw harp, or other inexpensive instrument; only go online after you’ve mastered one song (three songs, if you’re musically-apt)

Trace your hand on a piece of paper and zentangle it

Sing songs

Prune and water your plants

Do ten push-ups (or another quick physical activity you think you’re able to do)

Go outside and look for rocks on the ground

Go into that weird store you’ve always seen but never visited

Read a newspaper

Bust out that old digital camera from 1998 and start shooting things

Another bad habit I have is only waking up in the mornings after using my phone for a disgustingly long amount of time. I still need to find a workaround for that… I may try to get a loud alarm clock and a small box with a lock on it, put the alarm clock in the box before bed, lock it, and put the key on the opposite side of the room. So I’ll have to get up, find the key undo the lock in order to shut off the alarm. That way, I’ll be able to wake up without using my phone (hopefully). If I try it, I’ll let you all know how it goes!

[pinkacademiaprincess]

Hii sweetyy I luv your blog sm it's really useful , can I ask for new school advice?

New School Survival Guide🎒📚🎀✏️

ty for the ask & the sweet compliment! i'm glad to be helpful 💓 starting at a new school always makes me so excited & nervous at the same time 🫣

starting a new school can be scary, and rightfully so - it's a big shift to your life & your routine. but i've always loved the new opportunities that come along with it! here are some ways to turn nervousness into excitement & make the most of it

create a fresh start

this advice is super common but for a good reason. starting at a new school is the perfect time to debut a "new" self. ofc you don't need to change your entire personality, style, etc. but sometimes after years of the same school, friends, & routine, you find yourself holding onto certain things for better or for worse.

so maybe you grew out of your sense of style and wanna try a new look - you can invest in a few pieces of clothes/ accessories and begin experimenting. maybe you have some toxic friends that you don't wanna keep in your life - time to slowly stop keeping in touch. maybe you've created a habit of not taking class seriously, never talking to teachers, & slacking off - now you can start doing the opposite.

the key here is that you're "creating" your fresh start. technically, you can make those changes anytime, but being in the same situation & surrounded by the same people can be paralyzing. now you're going into a new environment with new people who have no impression or preconceived notions of you. take this opportunity to decide the kind of person you want to be, implement those habits & traits, and show up to your new school as that person!

find a community

probably the scariest part of a new school is finding friends. if you're lucky you might have friends who are also going to be there with you. if not, starting from scratch is scary but doable. it's also really important - humans are social creatures & having people you can rely on & turn to is so necessary!

one way to make friends is by striking up conversations with classmates. this is very accessible since your classes will be full of people you can talk to and see every day.

another way is to find organizations you can join. find out if your school has clubs, volunteer groups, and other organizations for students. pick a few that really sound interesting to you, based on your hobbies or interests. this is a great way to meet people with a common interest, which is grounds for possibly making great friends!

also pick your electives based on things that interest you. if you're taking an art class, sport, or specific subject that you really enjoy, you can find others with the same interests and also potentially make friends similar to you!

be proactive about your studies

from the start, be really diligent about how your new school is structured. every school (and honestly every class & teacher) will be very different in terms of teaching style, speed, and approach to class concepts. figure out as soon as you can how things work so you can adjust appropriately & stay on top of classes. this is especially important if you're transitioning into high school, college, etc.

that's all my advice for starting at a new school! you can look at my old posts for some more school-related advice, which isn't necessarily just for starting at a new school, but can still apply. i wish you all the luck, and i can't wait for you to absolutely thrive at your new school! 🥰

[fictionwriterthingss]

So you want to write a deaf/HoH character

Photo © Durgesh Kumar, all rights reserved

Admittedly, this isn’t something I’ve done myself. I’ve never written a deaf or hard of hearing character, but I’ve had people ask in a Discord server I’m in “hey, does anyone have any resources on how to write a character that is deaf or hard of hearing?” and I took the chance to find some resources for them – ones that turned out to be pretty valuable, and that I want to share here. 

I love when people include disabilities in their writing, whether visible or invisible. To me, it makes the characters feel more alive and adds another layer of depth to who they are as a person, even though they’re… not real. Adding that aspect to characters gives something for a group of readers to relate to, and can help them feel seen where they might not be seen otherwise. 

It can be difficult to write about a disability that you yourself have never experienced, and with the fact that you haven’t experienced said disability is something that can lead to stigmas and stereotypes that aren’t necessarily accurate, especially if you’ve only viewed what outside media has shown you, or what you’ve observed in public settings. Research is so important for topics like this, especially to find resources from people who do experience it on a daily basis, whether it’s something that has developed over time, or something that they were born with.

Without further ado, the resources I’ve discovered.

https://www.tfrohock.com/blog/2016/9/12/writing-deaf-characters - this blog by T. Frohock is very to the point. She begins by saying she doesn’t normally write “how-to’s”, but this one is an exception, and works to provide her own experiences, open about the fact she uses a cochlear implant to hear those around her – or not hear, if she chooses to “turn you off” in her “about” on her blog. She gives a short overview of types of hearing loss, and communication, and also recommends reaching out to an audiologist to learn more about the types of hearing loss. She also gives two links to .org websites if you’re looking for sources. She’s also written two companion pieces to this initial post. The first one is for hearing authors, and the second is about sensitivity readers. I’ve linked both of these in this section, so check them out as well if you’d like a more in-depth look at T. Frohock’s advice.

https://www.sfwa.org/2021/03/23/how-to-write-deaf-or-hard-of-hearing-characters/ - this post by Melanie Ashford on the sfwa website gives a good guide on how to approach deaf/hoh characters. Melanie herself is a hard of hearing author, so her advice is profound and solid, as she is a primary source on how to approach writing these characters. She makes a point in her introduction to say she’s been using hearing aids for 4 years (at the time of posting the article in 2021) and reminds the reader that everyone experiences hearing loss differently, and has different feelings about auditory assistance devices, such as the cochlear implants and how many people in the Deaf community believe them to be controversial and unwanted. She references the social stigma surrounding the Deaf community, and also reminds the reader that deaf characters should be just as well rounded as hearing ones. Though her article isn’t in depth, it’s a great guideline to follow.

https://www.tumblr.com/concerningwolves/168567651639/writing-deaf-characters-speech-is-speech - tumblr user concerningwolves posted this in 2017, and with more than 19,000 likes and nearly 14,000 reblogs, it’s a valuable resource for those who want to write HoH characters. Though a tad aggressive, concerningwolves makes it a point to be, well, to the point and separates their post into two separate posts. I’ve yet to find the second one, and honestly, digging through 7 years of blog posts to find the second one is a little overwhelming, but even this one post is a goldmine of do’s and don’t’s for this particular community.

https://deafaq.tumblr.com/post/190549529559/comprehensive-guide-to-writing-deaf-characters - deafaq on tumblr has a comprehensive guide to writing deaf/HoH characters. This blog in itself is not meant to be for writing help, but they had gotten enough questions about it to make this post back in 2020. Compared to concerningwolves’s tumblr post, this one has less than 2,000 likes but is still full of good and valuable information for the reader.

[multiplicity-positivity]

I have C-PTSD and don’t have much of a sense of an identity. I feel like I am just existing like a shell of a person like a puzzle with a missing piece. It doesn’t matter what pronouns or name I use most of the time it all just feels wrong. I know I am a singlet but I don’t have the same sense of self singlets do. I could be parasian maybe due to my trauma but I don’t even know how to question myself about that. Every resource on “are you plural” are aimed at people who would be distinct. I don’t know what to call myself. I feel like if I call myself anything but singlet that I am “faking” because I envy plural people. I just would like to get some feedback or resources. Honestly I just wanna see if I relate to anyone else or anyone else relates to me. Sorry if this is a bother just kinda ran out of options to try and find helpful sources.

Hi! We’re sorry to hear you’ve been going through such a difficult time. Your experience of struggling with a sense of identity, not knowing who you are, and feeling like a shell of a person all resonate with us, as we felt incredibly similar before we were able to receive treatment and start down our path to recovery (and we still sometimes feel like this today!). This may not necessarily be a plural thing - rather, it is an unfortunate reality for many people who struggle with PTSD, CPTSD, or many trauma-based personality disorders (BPD and HPD come to mind).

It certainly is possible to be a plural singlet! Plural singlets are folks who feel like they tow the line between plurality and singlethood. These people are still very welcome in the plural community as long as they wish to be here. We are not a plural singlet, and we do not know one personally, so unfortunately we can’t provide an inside look as to what it might look or feel like to be a plural singlet. If anyone who sees this is a plural singlet and has some insight they’d be willing to share, please feel free to do so!

We do have a couple posts we’d like to share with you which might be helpful! The first is our resource post for questioning systems. It’s true that most of these resources may focus more on those with “distinct” alters or headmates, but we hope that some resources included may have at least some information which could be of use to you!

The other post we’d like to share is our resource list on depersonalization and derealization. It sounds to us like you could be dealing with some serious depersonalization, which is a dissociative symptom which pops up in many different mental disorders.

We hope these posts will prove to be useful for you! And keep in mind that we are not an expert, clinician, or mental health professional by any stretch of the word! We’re just one system sharing our thoughts, experiences, and resources we’ve gathered through our time in system spaces. Truly we think that your questions may best be posed to a therapist or counselor who would be able to provide you with better, more personalized care!

While we’re happy to share resources and provide our thoughts, we ultimately won’t be able to tell you whether or not you’re a system. That’s for you to figure out for yourself (or selves)! However, know that whether or not you turn out to be plural, you will always be welcome here and are free to ask questions and interact as much as you wish. Respectful singlets will always be welcome here!

We hope this helps! Best of luck to you with figuring this out. We’re wishing you all the very best!

[littlemoonastrology]

All About: SCORPIO ♏︎ - The Zodiac Signs

This post will cover all the basic information needed to understand Scorpio, the eighth Zodiac Sign!

Take a look at my other posts to see more information on: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo and Libra!

Watch out, because Sagittarius is coming next!

If you feel like this post has helped you feel free to Follow, Reblog or Repost (as long as I'm credited! I'm relatively new to Tumblr so I'm still learning about how all this works)!

~

Scorpio ♏︎

Date (Only applies to Sun Signs): October 23 - November 21

Symbol: ♏︎ - The Scorpion

Associated House: Eighth

Associated Degrees: 8°, 20°

Associated Energy: Feminine

Planetary Ruler(s): ♇ Pluto (Modern) and ♂ Mars (Traditional)

Element: Water

Modality: Fixed

Keywords: Introspective, Compassionate, Strong-Willed, Perceptive, Ambitious, Brooding

Moralistic, perceptive and strong-willed are all fantastic words to describe those with Scorpio placements! People with this sign in their chart are often very ambitious and keep to a long-term goal which matters deeply to them, usually something which is relevant to their life and personal experiences. Whilst this placement isn't necessarily secretive, they will not give out information willingly which they believe will be used against them and are capable to place very strong boundaries with people (sometimes it seems like it comes out of the blue!). This is because Scorpio thinks deeply about their decisions and opinions, so if they feel like cutting you off (or maybe on the positive side, they want to take something to the next level!) it is something they have thought about for a while. Scorpios are deeply introspective and compassionate, having overcome a lot of obstacles in life. This makes them excellent providers of advice, and a good ear if you need one. Sometimes Scorpio placements have a tendency to be quite shy, preferring to keep all their vulnerabilities hidden and may even take that to an extreme level by not sharing anything with anyone (which can come across as secretive). Maybe in this state it comes to a point where they engage in hobbies as a way to help maintain some kind of control in their life or find some sense of relatability. Sometimes, they may even become fixated on positions of power or material items, losing aspects of their morality. When it comes to this point a Scorpio might end up becoming cold or pessimistic, maybe even cruel and vengeful (although this is in an extreme case). On the other end of the spectrum, a Scorpio might find themselves caught up in drama they don't necessarily want to be a part of but still stay because they want to provide some kind of service or opinion... when really it would be more beneficial for them to just leave it alone. This can fuel some kind of people-pleaser behaviour, struggling to express their opinions or boundaries in order to help other people. It is at this point a Scorpio should prioritise self-care because as compassionate and moralistic as they can be, behaviour like this can really destroy their sense of self-worth.

When Scorpio feels safe and like they can pursue their ambitions they are unstoppable - however it means that they may come across as intense whether that be by the way they communicate, their behaviour or something else (which may make a Scorpio feel insecure if they are aware they come across this way). It's important for Scorpio to take this into consideration, but keep pursuing their goals no matter what comes up as. Ultimately, if you want to do something and you're a Scorpio, go for it! Don't let others opinions get you down.

~

Notes/Keywords/Phrases

Zodiac Sign

Each of the Zodiac Signs are a constellation. The Zodiac Sign shows how a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House is being represented and expressed. Once a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House falls into a Zodiac Sign, it adopts the energy of it.

For example: if Mercury falls into the constellation Sagittarius, Mercury adopts Sagittarian traits. If the 6th House falls into the constellation Aquarius, the 6th House adopts Aquarian traits.

Associated House

The Houses in Astrology are dependent on the time and location of birth in a Natal Chart and there are 12 different ones. Each of these 12 Houses are then assigned to a Zodiac Sign and 1 or 2 Planetary Rulers. The Houses in Astrology show you what area of life the energy of the Zodiac and Planets/Asteroids/Fixed Points is appointed to and helps provide depth into the chart.

For example: Capricorn's Associated House is the 10th House.

Associated Degrees

When a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House falls into a Zodiac Sign constellation, it will be appointed a Degree. This Degree shows how far along the Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House is in a Zodiac Sign. Each Degree is also associated with a Zodiac Sign, meaning when this Degree comes up it can nuance the way the Zodiac Sign of a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House is being represented.

For example: Mars is 6° in the Zodiac Cancer, 6° represents Virgo - therefore the Cancer Mars also takes on Virgo traits. The 2nd House is 23° in the Zodiac Scorpio, 23° represents Aquarius - therefore the 2nd House in Scorpio takes on Aquarian traits.

Planetary Ruler(s)

This phrase refers to the Planet(s) that rule a Zodiac Sign. When a Planet falls into the Zodiac Sign it has rulership over, the energy of both the Planet and the Zodiac Sign is amplified.

For example: Pisces' Planetary Ruler is Neptune.

Modern / Traditional

These words are associated with two kinds of Astrology: Modern Astrology and Traditional Astrology. Traditional Astrology refers to Astrology that was practiced before the 19th century, whilst Modern Astrology refers to Astrology that is practiced now. Some people choose to practice Traditional Astrology, some people choose to practice Modern Astrology, whilst some others might practice both types or combine them together.

Element

Each Zodiac Sign/Planet/House/Degree is associated with an Element and this covers certain traits which are unique to the Zodiac Sign/Planet/House/Degree they correspond to.

These Elements are: Fire, Air, Water and Earth.

Modality

Much like an Element, each Zodiac Sign/Planet/House/Degree is associated with a Modality. The Modality describes what the focus of a placement is and how the energy is expressed.

There are 3 different Modalities: Cardinal, Mutable and Fixed.

[sexynetra]

Hi! LATAM queer here that doesn't have English as a first language writing this just so you understand the importance of your work:

I haven't been active in tumblr for like almost half a year now, but I literally just logged in today to see if you had post any RAWNSYF update/new dialogue that I might have missed. I had no ideia what was going on on twitter when I logged in today. And I'm so sorry that you got exposed like that. If it is any consolation, RAWNSYF is one of my favorite fics ever written. Def my fav anarcia fic. To me, fanfic in queer spaces is a way I can read about the queer experience and relate to my own life. That is what I love about RAWNSYF, I have a past love experience that is really similar to what Anetra is going through in your fic. By reading it, I can help my 18 year old self heal. I'm not sending you this to necessarily encourage you to post a new chapter. After all that happened yesterday, I'll totally understand if you never update. I'm telling you all this so you know that your work matter. Your fic might be one of the few media work that I've ever felt so represented. Fanfic is important to queer people like us because of this: we don't have much representation in the wide media. So we turn to our own community to see ourselves being represented in this kind of spaces. Because of this, I ask you with all the kindness that I have inside of me: if you don't want to post an update, I'll totally get it! But please, PLEASE, don't ever feel guilty for what you've already wrote and posted. It means more to people that never saw themselves in media that anyone who's not queer could ever understand.

Hi there <33

This has just been sitting in my inbox because every time I went to respond I started crying again 😅

This is the sweetest message I have ever received and I cannot even possibly express just how much it meant to me to read this.

I started rawnsyf out of a desire to see the stories I wanted to read about being shared. (Well, technically I started rawnsyf as a 2am writing practice that was never supposed to be expanded upon but here we are) I honestly never thought anyone else would actually read it 😂 it was just a little story that had all my favorite story tropes in it. That was it.

But then rawnsyf grew. It grew in the scope of what I was writing about, and it grew in its reach. Suddenly, people were reading it, and it was connecting with them on a level I never anticipated.

Rawnsyf started as a fanfic about two queens I enjoyed, but I hand on my heart believe that it has grown to be so much more than that. This story, that was originally just a fun little writing exercise and a cute little love story, has become something that people really feel a connection to, and feel represented by.

I honestly never expected that, it’s beyond my wildest dreams. I think anyone who creates content hopes that it will resonate with people, but I never expected the scope it would have (which sounds braggadocious but I never expected the story to really become important to anybody besides me, and over and over again the amazing community on here has proven me wrong).

It started as a story about two queens I love, but it has grown beyond that. The characters in the story have lives of their own. They exist beyond the drag queens that inspired them. And this message, maybe more than any other, reminds me just how powerful those characters can be.

I am so infinitely grateful that you took the time to send this message, and even more infinitely honored and touched that you have allowed me to express myself through my writing and taken it onto yourself. Nothing will ever mean more to me than people being able to feel seen and find healing through something I’ve created.

Rawnsyf is not over, and it’s all because of the love people like you have shared with me for this story.

I hope I can do you justice with this story and my heart is so full <3333

I am crying again so I will end this here but my heart just feels so full. Thank you for sending this to me and being so honest and vulnerable. It means more to me than you could ever know

[enneagram-reblogs]

A few things to know about Type Six.

From NineTypesCo by Steph Barron Hall.

Common Underlying Motivation: To be safe, secure, and in community

→ Sixes spend a lot of mental energy managing uncertainty. Sometimes, this is focused on physical safety, but it’s more often about financial security, overall well-being, relational safety, trust, etc. Sixes are vigilant about what might happen, and solving for or planning for those problems helps them feel safe. Looking for what might happen can propel 6s into doubting and questioning things (and depending on the 6, they might doubt or question themselves). Sixes are VERY hard to describe because they can be so different, depending on the subtype.

Consistently Avoiding: Being stranded without support or safety

→ Some Sixes avoid this by building strong relationships, checking in, finding connection, and planning what they might do if something goes awry. Other Sixes avoid this by showing strength (almost like they won’t be stranded if they don’t show they need people) or by moving assertively to control the situation.

You might not know that…

→ 6s aren’t always afraid or anxious. It’s more helpful to think of them as “aware” or “vigilant.” This doesn’t always mean these ideas takeover: sometimes it’s like a tape running in the back of their minds.

→ Many 6s explain that they think in flow charts or binder tabs: they have a mental system of organizing their thoughts. Often, systems, procedures, and processes help them feel prepared and ready to take on the day!

→ In the face of a crisis, 6s are often courageous: sometimes they can be bold, and sometimes they can navigate away from the crisis to keep themselves and others from being impacted. When people learn the Enneagram, they sometimes think “6s are so anxious, I’m not going to honestly tell them what’s going wrong because they can’t handle it.” But they can ABSOLUTELY HANDLE IT. And the worst thing for a lot of 6s is dishonesty because it reinforces the narrative that they need to be suspicious of others.

→ 6s are often more competent than they let on! When seeking to feel sure, they might already have a thought or opinion about something. Seeking reassurance is aimed at feeling more certain than uncertain (not necessarily about forming a new opinion).

→ Sometimes, a 6’s awareness means they know what’s not being taken care of, so they jump in and take responsibility. This can be really exhausting, especially when they feel they’re the only one who is taking care of things.

→ Many 6s have a knack for bringing people together and building community. They can be really connective, expressive, witty, fun, and even sometimes spontaneous!

And BTW…

→ Concern about safety/security is not necessarily about finding fire exits. Sometimes, fear is focused on physical safety, but it’s more often about financial security, overall well-being, relational safety, trust, etc. A lot of the time, 6s are looking to feel sure, even if they already have a thought or opinion about something. They might seek reassurance from others, from an authority, from information, principles, ethics, etc., but all of this is aimed at feeling more certain than uncertain.

See the image version of this post!

[fenmere]

An Afterword for our WIP

Putting this here both as sort of an ND advocacy post, AND as an accountability gesture and the opportunity for crowd-sourcing some editing.

If you're a follower and you read this and have something to add or suggest, we'd love to hear it. Feel free to DM us about it if you don't want to comment publicly.

(We do have a sensitivity reader for our Black representation, who we are compensating for it. We have very limited funds outside of that, so contribute only if you feel moved to. There is no expectation.)

This is long, and it is up for respectful discussion.

Thank you.

under the cut for those who just don't want to see discourse:

A word about psychosis, schizoaffective disorder, DID, and plurality

First of all, we, the Inmara Fenumera, the actual authors of these stories, have not experienced psychosis ourselves, as far as we know. Not as a psychiatrically significant symptom.

We are plural (meeting the criteria for DID except for the personal distress part), autistic, and have C-PTSD. We do experience brief, mild hallucinations occasionally, related to our plurality and just having a brain (most people do occasionally when they are falling asleep).

But we are part of the broader community of neurodivergent and mentally ill people, and we have a responsibility to our peers to represent them as best we can in our writing.

So, a very elementary first point to make.

Being psychotic does not mean having multiple personalities. Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective Disorder, and Schizotypal Personality Disorder are not Dissociative Identity Disorder, Multiple Personality Disorder, or Dissociative Disorder Otherwise Specified. These are different classes of neurotypes and experiences.

To dramatically simplify things, psychosis involves having hallucinations and delusions among a few other symptoms, while having multiple personalities is a separate thing. Plurality is the current community umbrella term for a wide swath of experiences of not being a single person in a single brain, such as having DID.

These things are separate, and if you experience one of them, you do not necessarily experience the others.

But, it is possible to be plural and to be psychotic. And they do not invalidate each other, and that’s important to accept. If you have a psychotic disorder, that does not mean your plurality isn’t real. If you are plural and are experiencing chronic psychosis, your plurality is not necessarily to blame for that psychosis.

Now.

If you spend any time searching for and reading about psychosis, and the conditions under which it occurs, you will learn a lot of really important and useful things, such as that it is a symptom and not a disorder in and of itself, and that it has sets of sub-symptoms that are common but not universal to every episode someone might experience.

You will also be able to read a plethora of personal accounts of what it is like to experience psychosis, and what it is like to live with one of the disorders that can lead to it, or that feature it. 

We recommend doing this.

It helps everyone around you quite a bit, if you have a better understanding of neurodiversity and mental illness, and if you spend some time contemplating how to work with someone who is experiencing a mental health crisis.

That said, you may also notice that most of the disorders and circumstances that lead to psychosis, and the symptom of psychosis itself, are described as happening on a spectrum.

Not “on the spectrum” as a euphemism for autism, but that they occur in any number of degrees of severity.

But almost all the accounts and descriptions you will find for such things as schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, C-PTSD, and the like will describe worst case scenarios, or at least, cases that are severe enough that psychiatric medicine and therapy have been necessary.

However, if you spend any amount of time actually participating in the neurodivergent and mad communities, you will meet countless people who have much less severe versions of these things. They are typically in a lot less distress, and therefore may have trouble getting a clinician to take them seriously, or they don’t even feel the need for help. 

And this is OK. The experiences of these people do not reflect on the people who need more assistance and treatment. Humanity (and its adjacent peoples) is neurodiverse and has room for all experiences.

That said, there are a number of stigmas and misconceptions that do need to be addressed and dismantled here.

We felt the need to include Erik in our stories to help do this.

Erik’s specific psychotic disorder is undiagnosed. He knows he’s occasionally psychotic because he experiences vivid hallucinations and mild delusions on occasion, and they are usually triggered by stress. This happens frequently enough that he’s learned how to manage it, but infrequently enough that he can hold down a job and maintain relationships. It’s hard work for him, but he does it. 

And, he doesn’t trust the mental health industry because of some bad personal experiences in his youth, plus the fact that he’s Black, queer, trans, autistic, plural, and experiences psychosis. This collection of identities and neurotypes often leads to bad experiences with people who might have any power over him. He’s being cautious. He was taught to be cautious and to manage himself by his family and most of his actual peers.

Erik probably has a relatively mild case of Schizoaffective Disorder and C-PTSD. His experiences with plurality do not cause him enough distress alone to get that diagnosed as a dissociative disorder of any sort. If his plurality is a result of his trauma and struggles, it is a useful adaptation that usually gets him through the week with little fuss, making code switching or masking from situation to situation a little easier than it might be. But if he did pursue a diagnosis along those lines, he’d probably be awarded with OSDD for his troubles.

His specific set of neurological traits and experiences are based on those of a very close friend that we have, with some accounts from blogs of other psychotic plural people we know online. He is someone who could very well exist.

He is not, by any means, capable of being a representative of all the experiences of anyone who is Black, queer, trans, autistic, plural, and/or psychotic. No one with any single one or combination of these identities or traits can be.

He is, however, an example of someone who just happens to match a cross section of stereotypes that are commonly flagged by the neurodivergent community as misconceptions. And that’s something we wanted to point out.

You really can’t point at any given representation of human experiences and say, “that doesn’t exist.”

Being plural does not mean being able to see your alters and talking to them face to face, as depicted in movies. Though, the medium of cinema makes it difficult to depict how inner system communication can often work.

Being psychotic does not mean having another version of yourself, representing a part of your psyche, appearing full bodied in front of you and having a conversation with you. But it’s really fun for a lot of people to see that on screen.

And, it’s really common in disability and mental health advocacy to call these things out when they appear on the screen as misleading the public into thinking this is what these symptoms and disorders are all about. And it’s good to call that out.

But when you are plural and have a psychotic neurotype, you can actually experience the stereotype personally.

This has happened to real people.

And we know from our plurality alone that when your experiences match a particular stereotype that is often called out as fake that that can do a real number on your senses of self and reality, and the validity of your experiences. You tend to question yourself during times when you really don’t need that extra doubt.

A certain amount of grace and nuance should be extended to the people like Erik who do exist and live in the outworld. 

When you see what strikes you as problematic representation of a neurotype or mental illness in a piece of media, instead of saying, “that’s not how it works,” try on, “somebody probably experiences it that way, but not most, and we see that stereotype far too often in stories,” instead. Or something like that.

It means using more words, but sometimes you have to do that in order to not create new stereotypes and stigmas, such as “that’s fake”, that other people really shouldn’t have to face.

How is it that every major character in this story is autistic, trans, plural, and has other major things going on on top of that?

It’s a reflection of our actual lived experiences.

When you are autistic, for instance, you tend to have a lot of other neurotypes and conditions. A unique set for yourself from a huge grab bag of possibilities. It’s sort of the current definition of the diagnosis itself, and just super common amongst those who self identify as autistic, too.

Being queer and/or trans is not a mental illness or condition, but it's also really common amongst autistics.

And when you are not straight, cisgender, or neurotypical, you do tend to collect friends and acquaintances who share your experiences. And we are not as rare as a lot of people will lead you to believe.

There are absolutely autistic, trans, queer, and/or other marginalized people who are isolated, friendless, and struggling to find others. But if you live in a big enough city and are social enough, you’ll end up surrounded by people like yourself, and spend as little time as possible amongst those who are not. Those who aren’t like you will tend to shun you, after all.

And this can happen subconsciously and organically.

Fully ten years before we recognized our own identities as an autistic, plural, transgender therian, we started a comics making club called the B.S. of Comics that met in a coffee shop called the Black Drop (that Aunti Zero’s is inspired by). Within one month of putting up the signs inviting the general public to join that group, it had 30 members and was full of other autistic, plural, transgender therians and furries. And for ten years we were so delighted and bewildered. 

And then we couldn’t deal with our dysphoria and with masking anymore and had to come out to ourselves, and it suddenly all made sense.

And we now live with another autistic, plural, transgender therian who is our partner, and have another partner across town with the same sets of identities (though she identifies as ADHD, not autistic, but close enough), and the vast majority of our friends share those traits, too. And, we each have our own unique sets of co-occuring neurological and physiological weirdnesses on top of that as well.

It’s one of the most delightful things about being who and what we are.

[ghostlyferrettarot]

🖤🌗Lilith in the Signs🌓🖤

❗️All the observations in this post are based on personal experience and research, it's completely fine if it doesn't resonate with everyone❗️

��️Paid Services ✨️ (Natal charts and tarot readings) Open.

🖤If you like my work you can support me through Ko-fi. Thank you!🖤

🌟Masterlist🌟

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Aries: the native may feel more of a desire to be independent, to stand up for things he believes in, to cherish individualism, to argue persuasively for his opinions, and to be more sensual and straightforward when in love. The issue is that this can make relationships a little more challenging, encouraging more rejection or the tendency to look for flaws in a spouse since it's hard to commit. Those who were born with this alignment in their birth chart might have gone through periods of rejection.If Lilith is in Aries, don't be scared to look ahead; what vibrates will remain, and if not, don't be afraid to let it go for good.

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Taurus: Lilit in Taurus indicates a stronger sense of tenacity along with an increased attraction to all things sensual and lovely. Additionally, it may increase emotional activity to the point that you look for greater security in relationships. Furthermore, this comfort isn't necessarily purely emotional; you might want to look for individuals who are stable financially, for instance. This particular dependency on tangible, safe things might occasionally cause discomfort and disrupt your emotional balance. Lilith, who stands for feminine power, narrates how the family's ladies acquired strength and empowerment so Lilith is in Taurus could be a clan women who came to power by making excellent use of their resources and handling their finances and belongings with diligence.

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Gemini: It can induce a greater search for independence and make the native particularly interested in intellectual or communicative areas, such as literature and public relations. This position can also suppress emotions a little or make the native more rational. With this placement it is important to understand that what kills or what hurts the native is not the physical offense, but the negative use of other people's words. With Lilith in Gemini this people may be afraid to connect with their environment for fear of rejection Or it could be the opposite, someone who is very good at social communication, who is friendly and fun and connects with everyone.

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Cancer: Lilith in Cancer has a great capacity to intuit emotionally charged issues, perhaps about the past, childhood, lack of protection during childhood, or during a moment of great vulnerability. She encourages the native to reflect on the concepts of family. This movement also speaks of emotions that are gestated in the primordial energy of Creation. The desire to establish emotional ties is intense and these people may obsessively seek to start a family.

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Leo: In general, it brings a greater desire to have fun, increases the desire to participate in parties and perhaps be the center of attention. It increases the chance of convincing and seducing people and slightly increases the chances of being a notable person. Self-knowledge is very important for you to find your true identity and eliminate any type of narcissism and overvaluation of your shape or physical beauty. When seeking recognition and attention, you must be careful not to do so in an exaggerated way. Lilith in Leo represents the energetic vibration of rebellion, uniqueness and creativity. This energy has the quality of helping those with this position.

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Virgo: They have a character that is not afraid of loneliness, they are independent and do not sacrifice their autonomy for some company. They are very selective with their friends and partners and do not dedicate time to the bonds that do not find meaning in the shared moments. This positioning of Lilit can make objectivity in details a little difficult, influencing the native to criticize things or people at first glance. Her analytical and psychological abilities tend to increase and they may have very strong intuition. The problem is that they may not be exactly aware of these abilities or, out of modesty, may not admit them.

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Libra: Lilith in Libra can intensify the thirst for justice, this position indicates a constant search for equality and beauty and at the same time a great need for symmetry in relationships. The challenge of this displacement is that natives often face scenarios where independence is threatened. with Lilith in Libra you may have difficulty establishing healthy boundaries in your social connections. This is because Lilith represents our darkest side.

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Scorpio: Lilith in Scorpio can generate a tendency towards self-destruction or an overwhelming need to go against what is established. People born under this sign have an intense and magnetic energy that can attract others to them. In addition, they are very passionate and deep people, which allows them to connect with their darkest part and have the ability to face fears and internal traumas. In addition, it can speak of people with a strong and defiant character who do not follow conventional social norms. People with this position may be curious about issues associated with sexuality, power, and individual and social transformation.

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Sagittarius: Here this native has the opportunity to unite intellect and spirituality, in addition, he suggests an influence that gives rise to a greater desire for knowledge and adventure. He usually contacts other people in search of more experience, always with good intentions. Also, he can talk about detached people, who feel that they cannot dedicate themselves to a single person, who need to adventure, travel and discover other cultures. This individuals must be careful from those who try to take advantage of their generosity as well as they must avoid nurturing vices.

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Capricorn: It tends to slightly intensify the desire for status or to obtain a prominent position, it induces the native to be a little more indifferent or demanding with others, but sometimes it is important to make concessions. On the other hand, it can increase the sense of discipline and duty, basic things to achieve a prestigious position. It is important to keep in mind that those born with Lilith in this Earth sign can express themselves in a harsh way emotionally, and their own limitation makes it difficult to expression of others. They treat the people they love with somewhat authoritarian dynamics and expect them to respond in a certain way.

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Aquarius: Lilith in Aquarius can intensify intuition, the desire for adventure, and a bolder attitude. She can stimulate independence or rebellion. Lilith in this Air sign, by not respecting what is established, they can adopt a permanent attitude of being contrary and testing everything around her. Their biggest urge is to cut ties and be totally autonomous, which can cause discomfort with others. These natives may feel that they do not match their family, they feel like the black sheep or the oddball of the clan. Then, they leave the blood network in search of a group to which they belong.

🐈‍⬛Lilith in Pisces: This positioning can cause the person to intensify themes, such as imagination, fantasy, artistic sense and inspiration. It may also stimulate a greater inclination to help people or an appreciation for social work. However, such influence can cause one to neglect oneself and fail to meet one's own needs. You must be careful not to get caught in illusions. Your spirituality or creative imagination can bear good material fruits, and it is necessary to deepen your knowledge and self-knowledge to unlock good ideas. You should always think about how to develop your spirituality and intuition to get a good idea of everything that happens around you.

[agentgabe55]

Gabriel Brophy-Curran

How would YOU define social media (it's fine if you do not agree with the textbook)?

When I think of what social media is, I see it as a way for individuals to communicate with people they do and do not know, about personal and professional ideas and concepts both locally and across the world. It can be to share your opinions, your good news, or something to make you financially or personally successful. It can help you grow businesses, make money, stay in contact with friends and family members, or satisfy egos; depending on how you use this platform and who is engaging.

I also think there is a side of social media that can be dangerous and unsafe due to the hidden agenda of those not necessarily using it to do good or honest things. Therefore, it is important to not be too naïve or trusting and to make sure you do not share anything that can be used to harm you in any way. People can use fake profiles and may not have honest intentions. 

How would you characterize yourself as a social media user?

My dream is to be an Actor, Director, and Writer of short films and emphasize neurodivergence. I started a group called Underdog Productions Company and every week a group of us Underdogs come together film different episodes. I like to use social media to share our work and try to get more followers both on our pages and You-Tube page. I value feedback so I do take comments and likes personally. While I do understand everyone has their own opinion, I do find myself really wanting to please all the viewers, so I may take this a little too personally. 

I wouldn’t say I am diehard or addict like so many people out there. I like to look at Facebook every day to see what my friends and family members are doing, I guess to feel connected, but I don’t revolve my day around social media.  I also like Instagram and share my stories, but it is not an every day occurrence.

My mom has her own business, so I like to support her posts but don’t really share or comment. I do not really post things every day on my personal or business page unless I did a fun activity with friends or family like a holiday, special occasion, or good news to share. 

There are venues I have not either heard of or use (like this one), and I mostly use Facebook or Instagram. I would say I may be a little intimidated by the other platforms, but if they can be helpful to my business goals, I am excited to learn more on how. 

What do you consider to be your strengths in your understanding of social media? What are your challenges?

Having autism, I struggle with executive functioning and can sometimes get really overwhelmed when I see or do something for the first time. I am very literal and tend to focus on how I see it fitting into my routine and structure.  If I can’t see how it would contribute to what I like or do, I may be a little resistant to trying it. Sometimes I may dismiss it entirely. 

A strength is that when I am familiar with something I am very fast and excel and some might even say I am “really good” at it. I can see things in detail and am creative, patient, and meticulous. 

A challenge is if I do get over stimulated, I may shut down and struggle with trying, doing, and liking. It can even cause me to melt down or completely stress out. If I get to that point I have to wait until I feel like I can calmly work through it so I can finish the task. I have learned over time to ask for help with understanding and even examples or chunked out steps.

What is it that YOU want to get out of this class and beyond (related to social media)?

I would like to understand all the social media platforms that are out there. What audiences do they best serve and is it really worth using regularly either personally or professionally. I would like to feel less nervous or overwhelmed by them, so that I can honestly see if they would benefit my plans and hopes for my business and future goals.  I also would like to be able to share with my mom if I think it would be something she could also reach more customers and make her business even more profitable. 

[drmarquette]

Pelvic Pain and Endometriosis. Is There A Connection?

You are having bad pelvic pain. But why?

It likely could be endometriosis especially if the pain is worse during your period.

So, what is endometriosis and why does it cause pelvic pain?

A prevalent cause of pelvic pain is endometriosis.

It is brought on by the endometrium, or the cells that line the uterus, growing OUTSIDE of the uterus.

Why did these cells leave the uterus? The most widely accepted explanation is that some uterine lining cells and menstrual blood escape the uterus backward out of the fallopian tubes during menstruation.

The uterus, tubes, ovaries, and large intestine are frequently located on or close to the pelvic area where these cells then implant.

Endometriosis symptoms can present in a variety of ways.

Strangely enough, it is quite possible that those with the most severe cases of endometriosis might be asymptomatic, while those with even the smallest amounts can have excruciating pain.

Pelvic pain is the most typical symptom, particularly during periods.

The pain, however, can occur during or just after a period, before or after sex, or when peeing or pooping.

Some endometriosis sufferers find it difficult to get pregnant.

One important thing to remember is that endometriosis is difficult to diagnose clinically. Keep in mind that our bodies cannot communicate the source of pain to our brains or brains to our bodies.

The discomfort that is frequently associated with endometriosis can therefore also be caused by a wide variety of other illnesses.

How can endometriosis be identified for sure?

A highly specific benign ovarian cyst known as an endometrioma, which is present in some endometriosis patients, pretty much confirms the condition without the need for surgery.

But only a surgical procedure, when your doctor can see the endometriosis, safely remove as much of it, and send it to a pathologist for confirmation, can determine for sure if you have endometriosis.

It is crucial to understand that surgery is not necessarily the initial course of treatment if endometriosis is considered to be your diagnosis.

In fact, before considering the cost and danger of an operation, doctors frequently advise trying medication therapy first to see whether your symptoms improve.

The majority of the time, medication is used to treat probably endometriosis. This is done because surgery, while useful for diagnosis, frequently does not offer long-term symptom relief.

In actuality, the typical post-operative symptom-free recovery time is around six months. Let’s look at several alternatives to surgery.

Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs): These popular tablets can help many women with endometriosis discomfort, either alone or in combination with the additional therapies listed below.

The majority of the pain related to menstruation is caused by a substance called prostaglandins, which are blocked by these medications.

Thus, NSAID use can diminish prostaglandin release and consequently minimize pain if it is initiated one to two days prior to your period.

Hormonal Contraception: Because they can be used to lessen or stop periods, birth control pills, patches, rings, shots, and IUDs (intrauterine devices) can be beneficial for the pain.

Gonadotropin-Releasing Defendants or Opponents: These drugs serve to lessen the amount of estrogen produced by the ovaries, which lessens discomfort in up to 80% of women.

Some of the most recent drugs are antagonists and benefit from oral administration (as opposed to injections).

These medications frequently cost a lot of money, and obtaining insurance and getting authorization take time.

As was already noted, surgery can be used to diagnose endometriosis and, for some women, provide at least temporary relief.

When endometriosis is suspected to be the source of pain and you are no longer planning on having children, more conclusive surgery, such as a hysterectomy with or without ovarian excision, may be an option.

ORIGINALLY FOUND ON- Source: Dr. Raymond J. Marquette, MD(https://drmarquette.com/is-endometriosis-causing-your-pelvic-pain/)

[kyledensonblog]

A Helping Hand Goes A Long Way - Kyle Denson

Shriners Hospitals for Children is a nonprofit organization that is meaningful to me because I have gone there my entire life. I was born with a limb deficiency that left me without the majority of my left arm, and Shriners has consistently supplied me with a prosthesis for the last 18 years of my life. I was once a child ambassador for the organization when I was 12 years old, and I spoke at functions of theirs as well as participated in parades.

Shriners Hospitals for Children goes by the name Shriners Children’s on all of their social media platforms. They have a varied following on all of the platforms that they utilize for promotion. Their vanity metrics include 659k followers on Facebook, 45.8k followers on Instagram with 4,400 posts, 25.9k Twitter followers with 23.3k tweets, 12,127,023 views on YouTube, and about 15.0k likes and 2,000 followers on TikTok. I believe that even though these stats might not mean much in terms of engagement, they align with who I believe their primary audience to be, which is parents and or adults invested in the improvement of treatment available at hospitals for children.

Shriners already utilizes real children with unique backgrounds and differences that relate to promoting their end goal as an organization, which, as their website states, is to "provide the highest quality care to children with neuromusculoskeletal conditions, burn injuries, and other special healthcare needs within a compassionate, family-centered, and collaborative care environment." To improve its social media metrics, Shriners Hospital should focus on strategies that appeal to each platform rather than posting similar content on each in hopes of it sticking. Instagram, for instance, offers video-sharing features, but in my opinion, they are not favored by users over the long-standing photo and story-based content. Posting the stories and photos of willing child ambassadors for the company consistently would be a good idea. They could host a weekly child spotlight on their Instagram story; maybe the child has some photos posted with some facts about their life, or if they are old enough, they can answer questions sent in by users about Shriners and how it has changed their life.

Twitter is primarily known for written text-based posts with one eye-catching photo added to draw attention to the tweet. Shriner's media controllers already do a pretty good job of this and also promote their website's articles with links at the end of each tweet, but they should consider being more interactive with other users on the platform. They are prone to liking and retweeting their own content as well as that of other verified accounts. Nothing is wrong with this, but it doesn’t help create a sense of community and can be a slow way to raise interaction rates. They should seek out some people in need of their offerings and make that public connection. People on Twitter enjoy seeing a story unfold and an organization assisting those in need.

Facebook is a platform now known for its consistent adult and older user audience. It has the most users of any platform (according to Statista) but tends not to appeal as much to younger generations such as Gen Z. Established Facebook users seem to have an interest in video content even though videos are not necessarily Facebook's strong point or intended use. Heartfelt stories of young children struggling with their disabilities and then finding some normalcy after their time at Shriners Hospital will fit this market very well.

TikTok has a fast-paced video format that relies on an algorithm in the form of each user's "For You" page. Unlike Facebook, it is very popular with younger generations, and the platform has been known to affect music charts, pop culture moments, and more. Doing popular trends here with the hospital's mascot (Fezzy) or interacting with willing patients, in the same way, could go a long way. While the platform is not always perfect, it has a supportive network of users at its core. There are many different ways to evaluate how effectively an organization's time, money, and resources are being spent on social media. Different metrics such as advanced, channel, and behavioral are part of these determining factors. Advanced metrics relate to how an audience is reacting and responding to posted content. In Shriner’s case specifically, advanced metrics would include their engaged users on Facebook. The social media giant offers a feature that showcases a page’s most devoted and active users each week and ranks them with a point system based on activity. In the most recent week (February 12th–18th), there were over 30 members on the list. Another instance of the hospital's advanced metric would be the number of views received on one of its videos, or "reels." The reel I am speaking of in particular has almost 15k views, which is very good for their page. Channel metrics specialize in specific channel alignment and continuity. On Shriners' Facebook, an example of this could be the number of shares on their most recent post, which was 20, and they typically get around 40 when considering their other posts. The organization's Instagram gets a varied amount of comments on each post (usually under ten), so they should focus on watching their Story views and completion because that will easily be shown to all of their followers with every story post. The last metric on which we focus is behavioral, which emphasizes the end impact of user engagement and whether the content available leads them to do what the organization intended. A behavioral metric on Facebook that should be followed would include how aware page visitors are of the hospital's goals and if they understand why they are important. On Instagram, the metric is not as evident as on other platforms, but monitoring people who support Shriners by turning on notifications to stay informed could be seen as such.

Additional Resources to Help or for more Information:

Make a Donation

Find a Shriners Location

100 Years of Shriners Video

[halliescomut]

Okay....so we have a new edition to the crew. Lucid is out now, you can watch the official music video here, or the English version here where there's no video, but you do get to look at Faerie Jeff, so...let's get started.

I realized that in my original post while I talked about the stages of grief, I didn't define or name them, so I will do that now. The traditional 5 stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

As stated in the above selection, often these stages are described or accepted as a sort of chronological list, but they are not necessarily linear, and you can often bounce around from one to another. This is the Wikipedia entry that gets a bit more in-depth, but also cites different pushback to the theory. Now I'll say specifically for me, when it comes to very big emotions like grief, there is never a one-size-fits-all approach or concept that is going to directly connect with every person. We are all unique individuals, and if this type of system/thought process/description helps you to feel and work through your own grief in a more positive manner, then it's good. I have (unfortunately) quite a bit of experience with grief in general, and while this may not connect with me 100%, it did give me some tools and vocabulary to be able to talk through and communicate my feelings, which is ideal. But this isn't about me, so moving on.

I feel like I kind of have to separate the video from the lyrics a little bit. Like there's a clear connection in both of course, but I feel like combined there's a bit of a different story being told, so we'll start with lyrics.

In terms of this song in relations to the stages of grief, much like the song addresses these sort of in-between, liminal moments, I feel like this rests between denial and acceptance. The knowledge of the loss is there, but there's an opportunity to bask in the memory of what was, to forget the loss has happened for just that brief time. What it makes me think of specifically is the time after a loss happens where you forget for just a moment. It's after that period where the grief is still very present, very sharp, where there's details to be addressed to close out that relationship in a way. Now as always this can apply to any sort of loss, though with grief we most often associate it specifically with death. So that first period where you lose someone, there's details to be addressed, for relationships there's returning belongings, informing people, if it's to a point you were living together there's moving for at least one person. If it's a relationship even more developed, you're talking about divorce and all of those details, which depending on the situation and individuals can be very fraught.

But after that loss, there's days where you wake up, and for a moment you forget that person is gone. You can't just call them to tell them something exciting, or funny, or share big news. You can't text them a picture of a meme that made you think of them. And that's where I feel like this songs falls. It's those moments where the grief isn't the first thought, and you hold on instead to the knowledge of how that person would have reacted, how they might have laughed, what they would have said.

And that very much falls in line with the concept and title of the song, Lucid, which is most commonly thought of in the case of lucid dreaming, which is where you are dreaming, but aware that it's a dream. And because of that awareness you also have the ability to make choices, do things in the dream, you're now an active participant in the show your sleeping brain is putting on (Wikipedia entry here).

When you apply it, as it seems to be intended, to a broken relationship, he's talking about :

"Won't you miss the nights we drifted afar And knew we would find a place in the stars for two Taking you to dance in the sky"

which to me feels like a situation where he was (for lack of better terms) the dump-ee, not the dump-er, and saying "What about all of the good we had together?"

Then when you get to the last verse before we get chorus repeats we have:

"I fear time will drift you away from here I'll wait for you in the night as you fade away Holding every piece 'till you're gone"

And he's talking now about understanding that it's all over, but for now he's going to hold on to them still, just for a while and let everything sort of fade naturally. And this is the acceptance. When we talk about loss, acceptance isn't about forgetting, but more about keeping the good memories, and allowing those memories to lift us up, not bring us pain. For a relationship, think remembering the fun you had at the beach, and how you truly brought joy to each other for a moment, and not being stuck in feelings of sadness, or focused on the events that led to the dissolution of that relationship. How that person helped you grow as a human, how you created good together.

I'm gonna get real sad for just a second, because as I said I am quite acquainted with grief, but mine is of the loss of life variety, so that's what this will be about, so tread carefully. Over the last decade I have lost both of my parents and my closest grandfather, and a second grandfather. I've also been present as my brother and his wife dealt with fertility issues and losses, and so loss has been at the center of a lot of things over the last two years specifically. What this song brings forward for me, is kind of where I am in my journey dealing with my two most recent losses (my mother and grandfather) who I was incredibly close with. My memories now revolve around the good things, the funny, the important, the sweet, the precious, and while there's still bad memories (all humans are flawed and no parent is perfect) it's all balanced by love. Honestly now one of the hardest things to wrap my own mind around is that my niece and nephews will not have a clear memory of the Grandmother who loved them so dearly. My grandfather was blessed to see all of his grandchildren into adulthood, and many great grandchildren into the age of more permanent memory (older than about 5) and it sucks that my niece and nephews will only have pictures, and stories. But I'm also so happy to have had enough time with these people to be able to pass those stories on. To have known them well enough as an adult to have had those deep important discussions. I can truly give them a well-rounded idea of who their grandparents were and how I can truly see their legacy continuing on in the best way.

And the song even reflects that idea just a little bit, because what's lifting us out of the dream is daylight. The dawn of a new day with new possibilities.

So this was like 1200 words, I hope even a small portion made sense. I have thoughts on the MV, but those I will post separately. Please enjoy this pic of Jeffrey being an absolutely precious bean at the little premiere thing as a reward for reading this far...

Jeff Satur song theory

So there's something I noticed in listening to Jeff's English songs after Dum Dum came out last week. And it's just a theory, but it honestly was so interesting my brain just latched on and wouldn't let go.

For some caveats, I'm only counting songs he released in English that aren't related to tv shows, aren't collabs. So that means Fade, Hide, and Dum Dum. I'm specifying them having an English version, because there's not always full clarity with translated lyrics. With English releases I know that Jeff consciously chose the wording to evoke certain ideas/emotions, even if it may not be a direct translation to the original Thai.

So here's my theory...THE STAGES OF GRIEF.

The reason I thought about this was is interview with Woody where he talked about writing more melancholy music because he'd not had a successful relationship yet. Meaning for whatever reason they broke up, whether it was mutual isn't really the point, and honestly, the man is 28 (I think, I can't be bothered to Google) so in a decade I'd imagine he's had at least a few longer term relationships. But his songs that he writes are about his feelings after those 'failed' relationships. (I don't love the term failed, bc often it's not really anyone's direct fault, but I digress.)

But anyway, listening to Dum Dum, that's anger, 100% .

The lyrics scream anger and frustration, the aggression in the melody of the song, in the music video. It's all that white hot heat, and I think if you also look at the concept of there being two Jeff's in the video--there's a pretty common idea about anger turning someone into a different person. I've also seen people referencing the video in regards to Jeff kind of stepping back into the shoes of Kim almost in reference to what could Kim have been like if he lost Chay, or if he never found him, if he never became WiK, and I can definitely see that was well. In all of those scenarios, it's a Kim who's in mourning. A Kim who's grieving the loss of his true love, his first love, his chance at love. Grieving the loss of a future he decided for himself. There's a lot of possible subtext to read there. And all of this is what sparked the idea of grief and our human reactions to it as a possible theme of Jeff's music recently.

Going back and looking at the previous releases, we start with Hide, which was released in May of 2022. The lyrics, tone, feeling of the song, the say denial to me.

This idea of going to the places that remind him of their relationship. Asking to sing them one more song. Asking why they don't truly believe in his love for them. It also to me gives a feeling of maybe the relationship ending because they weren't in the same place as far as readiness for something public, serious, exclusive, there's quite a few reads here (which is why it's interesting). If you want to read it through a queer lens, as though one party was not ready to be out yet. I'm not here to speculate specifically on Jeff's sexuality, and honestly as a lyricist and composer, I don't think he needs to have direct 1:1 experience to be able to address that idea or include that as a facet of his lyrics.

The last song to go over is Fade. Fade to me brings to mind the bargaining stage, but in a little bit of a different way.

Normally with bargaining in regards to grief, it's very connected to denial, it's this concept of "if I had had done something different...", "if I made different choices...", "if I was a better person...". The music video offers the idea of his love interest dying, but this is of course applicable to just the idea of the 'death of a relationship'. It also relates to the story of the M/V on the level of "if I do better this life, maybe I wont lose them, maybe I'll be deemed worthy of more time with them..." Looking at the lyrics alone, without the context of the video, they can be seen as bargaining with the memory of the person. It's this exhaustion of being continuously reminded of a person, which makes you experience that grief over and over again. Our minds can't maintain that, regardless of the relationship you're grieving or the way in which that relationship ended.

In another aspect, not inline with this discussion, but certainly related in terms of this being a deep dive into his lyrics and concepts of his songs. I like that Jeff references crying. There's the overarching reason of it's important for boys and men to understand that crying is an acceptable reaction to grief and sadness. I think it really does matter, even with this not being the main point of the songs, it's still there, so it's still affecting listeners, it's still encouraging the idea of not being afraid of tears as a man, or as a human.

The lyrics of Fade say "crying but my eyes both have not been dry for days". He's deep in the grief still. Then in Dum Dum, "I used to cry but the tears is dry". He's starting to move on a little. I would say, based on the anger of Dum Dum, it's a mix of moving on and masking your pain with anger. I've said it before on here I'm sure, but it was pointed out by a therapist that anger is a secondary emotion. It's a reaction to something else, like frustration, like disappointment, and of course like grief or sadness. We bring anger to the forefront because it doesn't allow for too much analysis, and it also takes a lot of energy, which can help put you in a state where your mind becomes exhausted enough to rest. It's a similar idea to working out or doing activities you find physically exhausting in order to tire out your body.

Anyway, I don't know if any of you might have found this specifically accurate, relevant, interesting, but it's something that I just couldn't put away once I had sort of made the connection. In know they're loose connections, very much so, but I also don't think they're wild leaps.

I appreciation for reading all of this...if you did...enjoy yet another hot ass picture of Jeff:

[that-norse-pagan]

My Work and Experiences with Fenrir

(This might be a long post, bear with me here.)

Please forgive any typing errors, sometimes I miss things, I am human. :)

In a lot of Forums, Webpages, Resources, and even down to Drawings I've seen, Fenris doesn't seem to get much of a good reputation.

Seen as the "big bad wolf" of Norse Myth, those who work with or worship the "Bringer of Ragnarök" have been shunned or put down by other Practitioners; at least in different parts of the Web I come across.

This isn't as much as an Informational Post than more of a "Fenrir Appreciation" Post, but nonetheless I believe it might shed some light on the "Good" parts of the Great Wolf.

First:

Fenrir is not a "Black or White" Deity. He is not all bad (as many like to make him out to be) but he is certainly not all good either. Working with him has lead me to believe he lies somewhere around the "morally grey" side.

Which I suppose can make him easy to relate to, because no human is all good or all bad. He was shunned and bound for what he would grow to be, not necessarily because he was evil, as many seem to think he is.

Now that that part is out of the way, some of my personal appreciation for Fenris Wolf below.

Comfort

Yes, comfort. Easily one of the first positives that comes to mind; Fenris has always brought with him an intense but warm presence. Through communication, sometimes it seems he knows exactly what I need to hear at the time, and despite the intensity his energy can have, more often than not it feels like a warm blanket has wrapped over me. His presence feels like more of a safety than someone to be feared.

Honesty and Self Improvement

Fenris is also a Bringer of hard truths. He will be entirely honest with you, especially if it comes to calling out behavior you need to fix yourself. I like to attribute a lot of my recent self-improvement to the things he has pointed out to me; both what I need to improve on, and what I need to start doing.

Strength

Now not necessarily PHYSICALLY strong, but Fenrir has pulled me out of a lot of moments where I've felt "lesser than", whether it's more of a comforting presence or the wolfish "bare your teeth and get up off the ground". He'll be a constant reminder that no, you're not done yet, it's not time to give up. There has been a few times now where I fully believe he offered a small bit of his strength to help get me back on my feet again.

Ferocity and Confidence

I would like to preface this bit with the admission that I used to be a "doormat". I didn't speak my opinions, I let people walk all over me, and I didn't voice the things I needed.

With Fenrir I've slowly been able to work towards and find that I can speak what I want, defend myself and my needs, and I don't feel guilty for saying what I need to. Working with him and speaking enough to get his advice has made it where I feel fully confident to say exactly what I need to without feeling that guilt for voicing my opinion.

Companionship

Most Deities I would never consider "companions", nor am I trying to say I am on the same level as Fenris (for he is still a Deity and I am most certainly below him), but there have been many times where I can feel him walk with me, or even give simple reminders that he is in fact still here, or that he hasn't abandoned me. Those small reminders have only added to the comfort he brings me, because there are times I haven't needed to ask for a reminder of his presence. He'll often make himself known to you, if he has to slap you across the face with obvious signs.

Power

Down to the Pagan side of it, I've felt more confidence in my work and divination skills, I've branched out in new ways and overall improved my craft through his guidance and finding my own power. Comparing my progress of before working with him to after, there's been a huge jump in my abilities and how I do things than before. Reflecting on it, it seems that the entire path I followed has changed, and for the better. I don't feel as stagnant in my progress or what I'm focused on. I feel rejuvenated, motivated, and powerful.

Reflection and Mindfulness

Fenris has given me many moments to reflect back, through both shadow work and simply taking the time to meditate and/or reflect on my actions of the day. Going back after, I can explore what I would have changed if I had the chance, and push that forward for the next time something similar can happen. This loops around again to that Self Improvement, and feeling more confident in my action. And oddly enough, sometimes he serves as a reminder that it is okay to rest. To take a moment for self care and simply for you. Not every moment needs to be drained on Deity Work, your Path, or Responsibilities. While he doesn't hesitate to remind you what needs to be done, he will give the leisure of letting you feel the need to take breaks.

Acceptance

Even through his Mythology, Fenrir is an outcast. Bound and Fettered for a Fate he did not decide, he seems to have a habit of taking in your own feelings of not belonging, and turning them into strength and empowerment. Other than things I have needed to improve on, he has shown no anger nor distaste for things that a good chunk of people would have outcast me for. He is forgiving and accepting of Mental Illness, Identity, and Sexuality. Something I cannot vouch for from parts of humanity.

Reflection

As far as the Deities I have worked with go, though intense, he seems caring and gentle, but blunt enough to push you to improve.

Despite his reputation for villainy or destruction, direct speaking with him has shown that he is aware of his destiny and has made his peace with it, but in some ways he does not want to be the one to end the worlds. He has a bitterness and feelings of betrayal for the God's who chained him; but overall he is a *surprisingly* peaceful but intense Deity. He is accepting, he doesn't demand extravagant offerings or every moment of your time, only the promise of doing better and improving.

Now this isn't to speak for everyone, because experiences will be different, but all in all, he is one of my favorite energies I've gotten the honor of working with, and I fully disagree with the beliefs that Fenrir is a Deity everyone should steer away from.

Is he someone I would recommend to a beginner? Maybe not, but I do not think he should be looked down on for the Fate he will bring.

[arotechno]

Jughead (2015), Issues 7-8: Discussion and Commentary

Boy oh boy am I excited to talk about this arc!! These two issues hold a very special place in my cold little aro heart.

(By the way, do you see that? I managed to get a digital copy from my library via Hoopla, which means you are spared from my shitty phone grabs. I’ll fix the previous post, don’t worry. Try clicking on the screenshots if tumblr blurs them. And try Hoopla, if you’ve got a library card and have been looking to read these.)

Fed up with him sitting around the house playing video games all summer, Mr. Jones forces Jughead to get out of the house and do something outside. Jughead finds Archie at the pool where he’s working as a lifeguard, and convinces him to take time off to go camping in the woods with him at their friend Dilton’s cottage.

They take Archie’s car out to the woods, only to find that the lake is overrun with Reggie’s over-the-top relatives at the Mantle family reunion. Horrified, Jughead and Archie go out on a hike to get away. This is where things go downhill—literally.

Jughead calls Archie out for his growing fixation with Veronica Lodge, whose father is the one trying to clear out Fox Forest. Archie immediately goes on the defensive, but Jughead, understandably, really doesn’t get it. And here’s where we see that this is a divide that has been brewing between them for quite some time, even if Archie seemingly had no idea it was happening.

The boys end up getting lost, which only serves to fuel their frustrations. It occurs to Jughead, some time later, that the lake they’re camping at is not that far from Camp Lucey, an all-girls summer camp. Shocked and hurt, he accuses Archie of only agreeing to go on the trip to pick up girls, and not to hang out with him. He tackles Archie and they tumble down a hill into the woods below.

This is a really interesting story, from an aro’s perspective. Jughead can’t relate to Archie’s teenage obsession with girls, and it isn’t something they can bond over like other friends may have been able to do. On a simple level, all Jughead really wants to do is hang out with his best friend, just the two of them, just like old times—back when they were younger, before Archie’s interest in girls seemed to take over his every waking moment. Importantly, Jughead never objects to Archie’s romantic pursuits on principle (he does have an issue with Veronica, but that has to do more with her father’s actions than her). It isn’t that he wants to stand in the way of Archie’s happiness—he just feels left behind, and that’s something I think a lot of aromantic people, teenagers especially, can resonate with.

Eventually, Archie and Jughead run into Mr. Weatherbee of all people, who begrudgingly offers to help lead them back to camp. It’s at this point that we get one of my favorite moments in the entire series, one that I have waxed poetic about on this blog before and probably will again.

Archie insists that he is in fact here to hang out with Jughead, and that he’s just being dramatic. Jughead, on the other hand, insists that Archie’s the one being dramatic with his love triangle problems, to which Archie replies:

“Look, I’m not going to apologize for being a normal guy, I—”

And Jughead’s reaction to those words has stuck with me since the first time I read this. He’s shocked, hurt, and clearly a little angry that Archie would say something like that. And it’s a subtle moment, one that you might not even feel the gravity of if you didn’t know that Jughead was aro. What’s most important here, though, isn’t Jughead’s reaction, but the fact that Archie is clearly in the wrong, and he knows it. He tries to backtrack immediately (“Jughead! I didn’t mean it like that! Wait!”), but Jughead ignores him, as Mr. Bee has already gotten them lost again.

This singular page is, to me, a deeper and more nuanced portrayal than many works with “on-the-page” canon aromantic characters. This arc isn’t about Jughead being aro (in fact, none of the comics particularly are). But this is a meaningful incorporation of Jughead’s orientation into his daily life and his relationships with other people—namely, with his best friend. Although Jughead is being somewhat harsh with Archie, never does the narrative place him in the wrong for feeling abandoned, hurt, or angry because of Archie’s words and actions. Even Archie, his best friend, is capable of saying things that hurt him, and his words in this scene are never excused or justified by the narrative.

It also means a lot to me that Archie apologizes the second he gets the chance to, and that Jughead is quick to forgive him and explain that he just misses the time before Archie was so obsessed with girls. I wouldn’t want the story to just turn into a feud between them. You know when you’re on a trip with your friends and you get lost and you’re tired and frustrated you just end up airing your grievances and coming out of it with a new understanding of your friendship while trying to solve the mess you’re in? That’s what this arc is.

Anyway, after a run-in with Reggie’s relative and Mr. Weatherbee’s old high school bully Ted Mantle, the trio manage to make it out of the woods—after several hours of walking until the sun has come up. There, they find that Camp Lucey has actually been renamed, and is now a camp for elementary school girls, where Betty happens to be working. So after all of that, Archie just ends up making a fool of himself, like usual. Mr. Bee’s wife drives over to rescue them and brings the boys back to Dilton’s cottage, where she remarks that she’s heard a lot about Archie and Jughead, and that they’re inseparable.

At its core, this is a story about friendship. It’s about the difficulties that come with realizing you can’t always relate to each other, and you can’t always read each other’s minds, and you sometimes say the wrong thing without meaning to. It’s a story about growing up, but not necessarily growing apart, and being able to reconcile your differences.

Archie assumes that after all of their bickering, Jughead would just want to go home and not hang out with him anymore. But turning back now would be contrary to what Jughead wanted in the first place, which was just to hang out with his best friend.

All’s well that end’s well, and Jughead and Archie patch things over and vow that they will always be best friends. It’s a wholesome moment, and reflects a common struggle for aspec teens that I rarely see addressed in media, if at all. Sometimes, it feels like your friends are all moving on without you, and sometimes they don’t even realize it when they’ve been neglecting your friendship. It takes communication to work these things out, and I’m happy to see that illustrated here.

This arc is my favorite, I think, and there’s reasons for that even outside of the aspects I’ve already detailed here. The kids getting lost in the woods on summer vacation is a fun way of framing the deeper story, and there are a lot of funny and endearing moments in these two issues. (Archie falls on his face, a lot, and Mr. Weatherbee is stoically exasperated with both of their antics.)

These are the last issues written by Chip Zdarsky. So shoutout to him for some of the most nuanced representations of aromanticism in fiction to date, even if he never wrote the word down on the page (I’ll get to that, don’t worry). But these are the first issues illustrated by Derek Charm, whose art style I love (no offense Erica Henderson), and the rest of the volume has a lot of other good aro moments in store. Until then, here’s himbo Archie:

See? Pure of heart, dumb of ass. You can’t be mad at him for long. (He falls into a hole later on the same page.)

Yeah, me too.