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queers-gambit · 1 year ago

Text

Affirmation King

prompt: ( requested ) attending university as a full-time student is hard, but your boyfriend makes some of the stress worth it.

fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear

word count: 3.1k+

note: author gives unsolicited advice in the form of sharing a citation website to make college essays a little easier! this is not meant as promotion or anything, it's just your author trying to share a resource they know of.

warnings: cursing, small hurt large comfort (reader snaps a little at Carmy but he handles it like a fucking pro), author gives unsolicited college advice in the form of a recommended website, reader is in a masters program and not undergrad, fluff.

The 16 inch screen glared into your retinas, fingers feeling numb from the hours pounding away at the loose keyboard. When the screen started to warble and darken, your head ducked down slightly to try and preserve your visual; glaring up at the offender when they pressed the screen closed after forcing you to retract your hands.

"You're cute and all, but not so cute as to interrupt me like that," you deadpanned, eyes wide and burning from your lack of lubrication via blinking.

"You've been sat here for hours, it's time for a break."

"Funny when I say that to you, it's always, 'Get outta my kitchen.'"

Carmy smirked, "Come eat something."

"Let me finish this essay and - "

"No, it's time for a meal."

You felt your irritation spike, narrowing your eyes slightly, "I'm on a deadline, Carmen, so either be fucking helpful and productive or get the fuck out of my space. I've got work to do and you're just slowing me down."

He offered a patient look, asking, "Is that what you really wanted to say?"

You paused, then shook your head, "No... May I try again?"

"Of course," he nodded.

"I appreciate you trying to... Alleviate some of my stress," you spoke slowly, stringing the sentence together in realtime, "but this project isn't something I can ignore right now, so, I'd like to finish this thing before we do whatever else."

"Better," he teased, knowing you ran a short fuse when stressed out and overworked. "What's got you riled up?"

"I have this 20-page paper due."

"20 pages!?"

"It's not that bad, honestly, once you have your thesis together," you chuckled dryly. "it's just time consuming and meticulous."

He frowned and stepped forward to press a kiss to your forehead, mocking in a sarcastic tone, "You're doing amazing, sweetie."

"I'm so tired," you pouted up at him. "Do I really need this degree? This is so much stress for such a little thing such as a piece of paper that cost me $50k just to say I'm allowed to join the work force."

"Hey, hey," he laughed. "Just remember what you're working towards. You're one assignment closer to your internship turning into a full-time gig, right?"

You nodded, "You're right. I want that job so bad... I just hate how busy I feel - it's like, how can I remember to eat let alone write 6 different response posts to my classmate's work?"

Carmy nodded with empathy, "Just remember that end goal, baby. Keep grinding, keep moving. Almost at the finish line, right?"

"Right," you nodded with a smile. "Thank you, angel face."

Carmy smiled at you before softly asking, "Want me to bring you anything? Something to eat, drink, a condom?"

"Stop quoting Mean Girls at me!"

His hands shot up in defense, deflecting, "I was just trying to be a gracious host. If the missus wants anything, I'll make sure she has it."

"Pretty sure 'missus' is a term used for wives - " His groan made you laugh lightly, then covering, "No, thank you, baby, I'm okay. I should only be about another hour or so...?"

"All right, yeah, sure. I'll start dinner in 30, okay?"

"Sure," you smiled, already distracted again as you lifted your screen again to stare at the Word document that had been haunting your hard-drive for about 3 weeks now.

"Hey," he interrupted, "don't forget your glasses."

"Thank you," you mumbled, reaching for the special, blue-light filtering glasses Carmy had gifted you when you first started your Master's program. He claimed staring at a computer screen was going to cause long-term damage (he read an article) and got you a pair, which, you had to admit, made a huge difference.

Your hair was raked into a new bun as you reread the last of your essay, trying to get back in the academic mindset in order to finish the last bit of your assignment. There were textbooks spewed around your work table; laptop plugged in, highlighters and pens and notebooks within reach and a nearly-finished bottle of water was set to the side. You wrote ferociously once you got back on the right mental track, feeling your headache stir to life as you blindly reached for your water bottle.

However, when you picked it up, you blinked in mild shock when the bottle was heavier than before. Glancing over, you realized Carmy had replaced the bottle because there, under where it had sat, he left you a handwritten note:

replenish what you lost from crying!

You chuckled, knowing you were a stress cryer and when tackling big assignments like this, you were ten times as stressed as usual. Still you worked, even putting your headphones on to play soothing background noise - like rainfall. Your neck cramped, back ached, temples throbbed, and hands were cramping. Still you worked, using sticky notes to flag the important quotes you wanted to use from your textbooks and notebooks. Your stomach growled, your eyes begged for reprieve, chest felt tight, and shoulders were too tense.

Still. You. Worked.

Deadlines were important to you, and while you were a professional procrastinator, you always turned everything in on time - no matter your mental state. You could smell whatever Carmy had started cooking, focused on writing as you only used spellcheck as you went - and still you worked. You knew you surpassed the hour limit you told Carmy, but you couldn't stop, you were so close to finishing, it almost put tears back in your eyes, but this time out of relief. You only paused to look at online sources and apply chapstick, cracking your tightly-wound knuckles, and when you finished the last body paragraph of the essay, grinned to yourself.

All that was left was your conclusion, to create a bibliography, and to edit - but you were almost home free!

Suddenly, you jumped in fright when a hand planted on your shoulder; whipping around to see your boyfriend's own startled expression. "Sorry," Carmy apologized with a wince when you removed your headphones, "didn't mean to scare you, just wanted to check on you."

You nodded, 'Yeah, no, I'm almost done. Like give me 20 minutes, almost done-almost done."

He smiled softly, "Dinner's ready when you are."

"I'll be there soon, thank you, angel face."

"Can I help with anything?"

"Uh," you cocked your head, "you know what? Maaaaybe..."

"Really?" He grinned, perking up. "You never let me help!"

"It's not really work, per se," you amended, "but would you mind letting me read this out loud to you - see if it makes sense? The mark of a good writer is to act as if the audience knows nothing about the subject and make them understand, and you're exactly that."

"Lemme hear it," he nodded, taking a seat, "I might not be much help but I can still try."

You agreed and finished typing the outline of your conclusion, then scrolled to the top of your word document, and explained to him what your class was before starting to read. He listened intently, sitting on a spare stool with his elbows resting on his knees; keeping him leaned forward to provide his undivided attention. You managed to reword a few sentences, only noticing they didn't make sense when you read them out loud. Once or twice, Carmy even offered an alternative phrasing you liked - making the changes and rereading, then continuing through your assignment.

By the end, you were able to beef up the conclusion and Carmy was grinning at you in pride. "That's real good, baby," he complimented, "it all made sense and rolled nice together. I think that has to be an 'A'-worthy paper."

"You should be the one grading theses, my professor's the worst," you frowned. "It's why I got so in my head, I got a fucking 76 on my last essay and need to do really well on the next few to help average my grade."

"What about the tests?"

"We don't have any, this class is all about writing material and turning it in," you pouted.

"Hey," he spoke seriously, making you look at him in question, "I'm really proud of you."

You giggled nervously, "Oh, yeah? Why? What for?"

"For doing this," he nodded to the desk. "Look at all you're doing, baby, there's no way I'd ever be able to keep up with this kinda shit. You're doing such a great fucking job - I want you to remember that. What you're doing ain't easy, but you're handling this like a pro."

"I cry, like, everyday..."

"So what? You still get shit done while emoting - call that multitasking, baby."

"Got me there."

"Seriously, though, you're not told enough what a fantastic job you're doing; how strong and resilient you have to be to deal with this kind of stress day-in and day-out. I see the hard work you put in," he promised, "and I want you to know how fucking proud I am of you. It's all gonna be worth it one day, but until then, I love watching you grind through school. I might not take the classes with you, but I'll help however I can, whenever I can."

"Thank you," you whispered. "It's really nice to hear... I feel myself burning out and it's nice to be reminded that what I do now will influence my future. Validates me in feeling stressed out, you know? Sometimes, I feel silly 'cause, like, there's so many bigger things to be upset about and here I am, stressed out at a place that's guaranteed to stress me out..."

"It's not silly, it's normal. College ain't easy," he reminded, "and you're just trying to keep yourself afloat."

"Yeah, but there's bigger things in life than something trivial as my education."

Carmy scoffed at you, shaking his head, "Ain't no way."

"What?"

"My girl just said her feelings are trivial... Nah, she said her emotions about her education is trivial," he shook his head again. "Should wash your mouth out with soap - talkin' crazy like that. Baby, you know, first and foremost, your education is high on our priorities list, but your emotions? You think they're trivial? Nah, if anything causes you to have any emotion, it's valid - it's not something silly or redundant."

You pouted slightly, "You always know what to say."

"Hungry?"

"You're the perfect man," you laughed, looking at your document again and humming. "Okay, so, lemme just cite my sources and turn this in."

"Then you wanna have date night?" He smirked.

"No, no, I'm so tired - "

"I meant we can stay in."

"Oh, then count me in!"

"Change into something cozy when you're done, we can watch a movie with dinner. Yeah?"

You agreed, accepted his kiss of encouragement, and then took his leave to reheat the dinner that had surely cooled off. It didn't take long to cite everything when you used an online citation source website - that IS N O T plagiarizing! It's a handy-dandy tool you discovered your undergraduate freshman year by an actual professor. It was as simple as choosing which style, APA or MLA, and then to either paste the URL of the website you need sourced or you type in the book's information. Hit the generate button and BAM! A perfect citation for your bibliography every single time.

Or if you didn't like that, you could always just Google citation examples and do your best to write it out yourself. But the website, Citation Machine dot net, was a great tool. After perfecting your in-text citations and saving your work, you uploaded it to your university's assignment portal, crossed the essay off your to-do list, and stretched on your feet.

Cleaning up your space minimally, you hustled to your bedroom to get a quick hot, relieving shower, change, and then met Carmy in the kitchen. "Hey," you sighed with a soft smile.

"Hey, doll. All done?"

"For tonight," you groaned, "but tomorrow's a new day with new assignments."

"That's a future problem we'll handle at a later time," he eased, showing you your dinner plate. "Ta-daaaa!"

You grinned, "Oh, baby, this looks amazing!"

"Yeah, well, I kinda figured as a full-time student right now, nobody was gonna remind you what incredible job you're doing, so, I'm more than happy to step up to the plate. And what better treat than your favorite meal, huh?"

"Thank you," you whispered, pecking his lips.

You often thought his love language was "food", but then you realized it was technically under the acts of service and quality time. He loved cooking for you - it was like a gift. He loved cooking with you - it was time spent bonding. He loved introducing you to new dishes - it's a present! He loved when you let him give you a culinary lesson - it was time well spent.

"C'mon," Carmy lead you to the living room, both crashing on the couch you had been gifted from your grandmother's house when she was put in a nursing home. Normally, you wouldn't have splurged on something like this, but considering it was free, you and Carmy were happy to use it. Settling together on the couch, you got cozy under a shared blanket and Carmy flicked some movie on for background noise, but instead of watching, he just asked you about your coursework.

You told him what you could, shaking your head and huffing about how annoying your program was. How hectic. How jam packed and fast-paced it all seemed to be. How your head felt like it was spinning. How you couldn't nail down workable coping mechanisms and just felt totally out of control. You were spiraling.

You needed this rant session.

Carmy listened intently.

He never once tried to say, "oh, but if you had time management," or anything like, "if you do THIS instead..." or some bullshit, "my way works better." His bright and wide blue eyes watched you the entire time, sighing when you got to the end of your meal and vent session.

"It just feels like, I turn in one assignment, I get three more right after. Turn in those three, and all of a sudden, there's another 10!"

"Does the syllabus say anything about that?" He wondered.

"No, it just said what our reading schedules were and when major assignments are due. But those dates all got shuffled around that it feels like a train wreck. You know, if the original schedule was kept from the syllabus, I wouldn't feel so worked up! It's the rearrangement and added assignments without warning that's throwing me off."

"That doesn't sound easy," he validated. "Anything I can do to help?"

"No, you're doing more than enough," you whispered, pecking his lips. "Thank you for dinner."

"I made dessert, too."

"No!" You gasped with a grin.

"Mhm - wait here. I'll grab it."

"Wow, dinner, movie, and dessert?" You teased, "I'm being spoiled tonight."

"You've been working your ass off for weeks now," he smirked, standing from his seat to pick up your plates, "this is the least I could do. I know I said it, but you know how good a job you're doing, right? Damn, baby," he chuckled, "ain't no way I could ever handle shit like that on the regular."

"I could't do what you do, either."

"We all balance our crazy different. Want some tea? Wine?"

"Tea would be great."

"Comin' up."

When Carmy returned, you pulled the blanket back to let him sit again with the dessert plate between you both; two steaming mugs of tea sat on the coffee table. "What's this?" You wondered, seeing a sort of pastry.

"Marcus told me 'bout this," he chuckled. "Kinda like a poor man's version of this one thing he makes. So, look, it's Pillsbury Crescent Rolls, right? In the middle, there's raspberry preserves - or jam if you want that instead. It's baked then drizzled in melted white chocolate."

"Wow, you got all fancy on me," you beamed.

"Hardly, more like I was a little impulsive after hearing your essay. Figured you could use some dessert - you really earned it, baby. You always earn dessert," he grinned, "but tonight, you were kickass. Know that? Hear me?"

You shook your head, "This is nothing compared - "

"Hey, hey, nah," he interrupted, "nah, nah, don't do that, don't try to invalidate or downplay yourself. Look, shit is always hard in college, right? But you handle it so well, I can see the work you're putting in and the little reward you receive in return, and know that shit's gotta add up for you. But my baby just keeps cool, does her work, and does what she can to earn the grades she does. Right?"

"I mean, I try to..."

"You succeed. C'mon, lemme hear you say it. 'I kick college's ass.'"

"I kick college's ass."

"'I work hard.'"

"Carmy - "

"Saaay it!"

You huffed, "I work hard."

"'I'm an incredible hard worker.'"

"I'm an incredible hard worker."

"'I am only human.'"

Another breath in, repeating, "I am only human."

"'I am a success.'"

"I try to be a success."

"That wasn't the quote."

"Well, I don't know if I'm succeeding because grades aren't finalized yet and I have - "

"No, no, no," he smirked again, "you're still successful 'cause you're doing such a kickass job. You could get a fucking 'D' on something, and guess what? You're still successful 'cause you don't let this tear you down, you learn from mistakes and apply whatever lessons you learn to your upcoming assignments. Some people say you might even learn more from losing and failing than from undisputed success. Look, I'll be honest, I thought my job was hectic as shit, but hearing your essay tonight? Goddamn, you're not just beautiful, but so fucking intelligent, too. Baby, I was shook - that sounded like some academic paper that college kids need to defend their thesis or some shit. Something scholarly, not some assignment you gotta hand in by a deadline so you just wrote down whatever. So, give yourself credit and tell yourself you're a success."

With a long, deep breath, you answered earnestly, "I'm a success."

"Good girl," he muttered, handing you a fork finally. However, unlike Mikey all those years ago, you didn't launch your utensil at anyone and used it to cut off a corner of pastry.

You moaned when you tasted the gooey goodness. You managed through a mouthful, "Mmhhh! Mhm! Mhm! If you make this every time I have some assignment pissing me off and stressing me out, I'm afraid I'll get used to this treatment."

Carmy grinned, "You deserve whatever dessert you want, whenever you want. Huh? Yeah? Lemme hear you say it."

With another grin, you mused, "I deserve whatever I want, when I want it... And however I want it!"

"Atta girl!"

"You're so fucking corny," you laughed lightly, feeling as if you were falling in love with him again, "but thank you, my Affirmation King."

requesting rules and masterlist

The Bear masterlist

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dinogoofymutated · 7 months ago

Note

So I'm warming up to the idea of Cable now with this new animation style. And now I can't help but imagine a mutant reader seeing him shirtless for the first time 👉🏽👈🏽. Maybe she's helping him treat a wound he cant reach on his back and he's too worn out to rely on his telekinesis for it. Sure she knows that he has a metal arm. Techno-organic viruses were nasty business. But she never imagined she'd get to see the stark contrast of metal and flesh up close. Just a tender moment where she gets to see him at his most vulnerable. Preferably sfw. Sorry if this is too long winded or specific. Really love your writing and enjoy what you share with us regardless if u choose this one or not 🫶🏽

SFW!Cable/GN!Reader OOOOGHHHH when I tell you I have been thinking about this since you sent me the ask!! I've been dying to write this but forced myself to follow a schedule :( I've never really been a Cable girly but this scenario has been in my head non-stop! I just hope this fic does the same to others!!! Speaking of which, I hope this isn't too OOC for him! This also might get a pt 2 with some smooching 😘

Read pt. 2 Here :)

-Ps- Heads up, finals week is coming up for me and I have a lot of essays and work to do. my writing is sadly going to slow down a bit. I don't think I'm going to close requests for now but it's not out of the realm of possibility! TWs: Can't really think of any. Gross depictions of techno-organic shit. As always, Reader written while picturing fem! but no pronouns mentioned. The reader is short in this one, sorry to all my Amazonian friends.

Prime sentinels were like wasps. Squashing one could be relatively easy with the right tools, but it was difficult to handle multiples at once. It had been a rough day, and your ears were still ringing from the sounds of blaster fire when you got to the safe house. Your hands are shaking from the adrenaline, body exhausted from overusing your mutant powers. Bruises are forming all over you, and despite the pain and soreness, you know you got off easy compared to Cable.

He’s got an arm slung around your shoulder, using you as a crutch as you help him limp over to the table- although you’re sure you’re not a very good one, too short for him to properly lean on. His gun clanks on the floor as he sits, grunting as the movement sends shooting pains through his body. You can tell his left arm is aching, the techno-organic virus fighting to beat the telekinetic powers keeping them still. You weren’t the only one who overdid it today, but you also weren’t the one who had to keep a virus from eating you alive.

Once Cable is settled, the routine starts. You cautiously make a round through the safe house, making sure blinds are drawn and entryways secured. Usually, the task was split between the two of you, being faster and safer than it would be alone- but he would take it over when you were badly hurt. It was only natural that you would do the same. You feel the sting of anxiety and worry in your heart. Cable had saved your ass today. He had done so many times, but normally the fighting wasn’t this extreme. You had been stupid, and he was suffering the consequences.

A series of pained grunts lead you back into the kitchen once you’ve finished, and you can tell Cable is pissed just by the tone of them. You’re facing his back when you walk in, noticing the large red stain that spans across the width of his shoulders. You try to hide the worry on your face as you approach him. He has the medkit sprawled out on the counter, sorting through the various items in it.

“Can’t believe this thing doesn’t have a damn mirror.” He grunts. You hum in response, looking him over before examining the items on the table.

“What do you need a mirror for?” You ask, voice coming out a little hoarse. You clear your throat, must be from the smoke earlier. Cable sends you a look, tossing his head towards his back. You mouth an “oh” before looking at him, unable to hide your worried expression. You’d seen him stitch his wounds up with his telekinesis before, when the fight was all guns and no powers. An action like that was child’s play for someone of his capabilities. For him to actively avoid it, and the way his arm seemed to be bothering him more than normal… It made you worried. It made you feel guilty.

You look down at the suture kit, open on the table from where Cable had unzipped it, and then look back at him, wordlessly asking. He gives you a cautious look for a moment, before it shifts into something much softer. He doesn’t bother nodding, choosing to simply take his shirt off instead.

You blush a little but quickly get to work, grabbing a pair of gloves and pulling them on. They’re too big for you, meant to fit Cable’s sturdy hands instead of your own smaller ones. You try not to get distracted by the sight of him shirtless as you pick up what you need and get behind him. The air has shifted between the two of you, forming into something a little more intimate. Something that builds itself on words unspoken, truths that neither of you is quite ready to communicate yet.

His back is broad and beautiful, dotted with scars and bruises. The gash on his shoulders is from a stray blast, starting at the top of his left shoulder and ending at the lower shoulder blade of his right.

You’re not sure if you had been ready to see the cut-off between flesh and metal.

The cords of metal attach to the skin of his shoulder in a way that makes your skin crawl. They sprout from underneath the skin, winding against each other in a way that makes no clear sense to you. The top layers of skin are rough, keloid scarring having formed at the impasse of skin and metal. It's horrific, the way the virus has both eaten and forced its way under the skin. The top of the gash is somewhat deep, the deep inner cording revealed by the wound cutting through the top of his skin has you unable to look away despite the horror that has taken you.

“I can feel you staring, you know.” Cable’s rumbling voice causes you to snap back to reality.

“Right. Sorry. I didn’t mean to…” You trail off, not fully able to place the words. He sighs, and you mistake it for annoyance. You quickly get back on track and begin to disinfect the wound. Cable hardly flinches as you do so. You’re overly cautious as you stitch him up, focusing on each stitch being perfectly placed. You know they wouldn’t stay for long. Cable had a habit of tearing his stitches. You hope that maybe you’d be able to keep that from happening this time.

You place both hands on his shoulder blades when you are done. The nerves have worn off as the pseudo-doctor in you took over. You’re trying to examine the stitches, but find that your attention keeps being drawn back to that stark contrast of his shoulder. If Cable notices, he doesn’t say anything. You glance at the back of his head, trying to gauge what he’s feeling.

Your left hand drifts a little. Cable shudders as your thumb gently traces that line of scarring, the metal of his arm feeling extra cold compared to the heat of his skin. You’re waiting for him to say something. To tell you to back off. To grumble and shake you off and avoid speaking to you like he used to when you first started to work together- when he was so determined not to get attached.

But he doesn’t say anything. Not at first, anyway. The tenseness of his shoulders slowly gives as the gentle touching morphed into more purposeful touches, working the stiff muscles- what was left of the organic ones, anyway.

It’s intimate. It’s quiet. It’s… nice. Part of you wishes it would last a little longer. Part of you wishes he would let you touch him like this more often.

Cable stiffens again as the thought crosses your mind, recoiling away from you. He stands suddenly, turning around to face you. His towering stature used to make you nervous out of fear. Now you’re nervous for a completely different reason. Part of you had forgotten about the glimpses he takes into your mind. A flicker of anxiety ignites when you realize how much he might have seen. The two of you just look at each other for a moment, his brown eyes hard compared to the softness from earlier. You hadn’t meant to think so much. You didn’t think he was horrific. It was the virus. What it was doing to him. The energy and effort it takes out of him. That was what scared you.

Cable was used to the stares. The horror. Most recoiled at the sight of his flesh. It only made sense to him when you did too.

But Nathan… Nathan wasn’t ready for the depth of your thoughts. The care in your eyes. He wasn’t ready for the depth of his own feelings. The ones that cause such a storm within him. The ones that cause him to be stupid. The ones that make him focus more on saving you than the goal of every mission.

“Is this… Are we okay?” You ask. He didn’t need to be a telepath to sense the fear that has swelled within you. Most of your emotions were always written on your face. It made things easier for him when he didn’t have to search for your thoughts. That hardness in his eyes softens yet again, and he glances away for a moment.

“... Yeah.” Is all he says. His heart feels light when you finally smile at him, even though an underlying nervousness still resides behind that smile. You let out a relieved sigh, and he can’t bear to look at you any longer. Instead, he sits back down. He faces away from you, giving you the space to finish taking care of the wound on his back.

You don’t realize how late it is until you’re finished, and the mess on the counter has been cleaned and contained back in the medkit. The two of you sit together as you eat. The food isn’t great- consisting of an MRE that’s not exactly as advanced as the futuristic weapons and technology would lead you to believe. He doesn’t say anything when you lean on his shoulder, or when your breathing evens out, having fallen asleep on his side.

The aches and pains don’t really bother Nathan as he carries you to bed, but the thoughts of you, your feelings, your thoughts… Those keep him awake longer than any wound would.

#x men 97 #x men #x men comics #x men 97 x reader #x men headcannons #cable headcannons #cable x reader #cable xmen #nathan summers x reader #nathan summers #nathan summers headcannons #Cable imagines

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thebestofoneshots · 1 year ago

Text

Gilded Constellations | wolfstar x reader

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 7.2 K Warnings: none Prompt: What will happen when yet another full moon approaches, could things start to change? This IS a wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it.

ANOUNCMENT:

In a couple of weeks I'll make a Q&A to cellebrate Gilded Constellations reaching 100,000 K words. And I'd love for all of you to be a part of it. So send in your questions, they can be anything you want, things like: How did you get the idea? Where does inspo come from? writing tips (I mean I don’t know much but anyway), character design, fancast, fav characters, things about me, about my plot notebook, literally anything you want, ask away (just state: For Q&A event or something) <3

Chapter 13: “Rebel, Rebel.”

October, 22nd (Friday)

A week after the incident, your mom had already sent your old Viper, but the Nimbus company had yet to respond to your letter. You’d gotten used to your older broom pretty fast. Muscle memory must really be a thing, since the moment you mounted it, it was like you’d been doing it forever.

James was right, the Viper was a lot more stable than other brooms. More than Sirius’ SweepFire, and probably more than the Dark Nimbus itself. But it was slower, you’d already gotten used to the fast accelerations your Dark Nimbus had, and now you had to be extra attentive of the ball so you could make a move before it had enough time to get past you and onto one of the goals. Regardless of the slowness, the Viper was sturdier and heavier, which made it easier to do tricks like the backflip people still wouldn’t stop talking about. Last Tuesday you’d even attempted to surf on it, and you managed to do perfectly fine for a couple of meters until James spotted you and gave you the longest talk about being responsible and not doing stupid things, the hypocrite. But he was on captain mode and when he got on that mood it was absolutely useless to talk him out of it, so you nodded and promised you wouldn’t do it again, even if you probably would at some point.

You told Lily about dating Sirius as soon as you were feeling better, she asked you so many questions, from how it’d happen to how good were Sirius’ kisses. She had been told he was really good by a girl back in 5th year, and she wanted to know if it was true or if the girl was just obsessed with Sirius like most girls in school. You omitted the fact that you probably were just as obsessed with him as they were and confirmed that Sirius was indeed a good kisser, not that you’d kissed all that many people before, but still. The rest of your friends had slowly found out about your new relationship, be it for the way Sirius sat next to you a lot more often now, because his teasing and flirting had gotten a lot stronger. Or, in the case of Tom, because he’d accidentally found you snogging on an empty classroom, at least he just gave you a thumbs up, a cheeky smile, and whispered something like “Keep it going guys! You’re doing great”. Both you and Sirius had separated to laugh about it when Tom closed the door.

“You ready?” Sirius asked with a smile, pulling you from your thoughts. You looked at him with a daring face.

You know that thing you were told not to do a couple of days ago and you promised you wouldn’t? Well, that promise lasted exactly 4 days, 3 hours and a couple of minutes. James was busy with an essay he’d forgotten about, and you and Sirius had gone flying together, and unfortunately, neither of you had a clear enough sense of self-preservation when you were around each other. Especially not after someone said, “I dare you to…”

You were slowly standing over your broom, hands extended to try and keep your balance. Neither of you was flying too high, that way if you fell you wouldn’t get too hurt. Once you had managed to maintain your balance you nodded “Ready,” you said with a wink, and the two of you started broom surfing, picking up speed as you glided through the open fields of the school. As you were about to reach the finish line, you realized the grass was moving in a funny way right in front of you, and you frowned.

“Hey Sirius I think–“ you started, but it was too late, something had yanked both of your brooms down and caused you to tumble down to the grass. You’d fallen over and rolled a couple of meters while he’d fallen over something, or rather someone. As you looked up you realized he was right on top of Remus, who had popped out of nowhere (probably the invisibility cloak). As the two of them sorted themselves out you stood up quickly and looked around, spitting some of the grass that had gotten inside your mouth. And then you spotted them, Barty Crouch and Evan Rosier, hiding behind a stone wall. You took your wand out and pointed it at them. Evan seemed to pull back but Barty just smiled wickedly “The fuck is wrong with you?” You roared, already walking towards where they stood.

Barty walked head high towards you too “You saw them fall, Evan? It was hilarious!”

“Fall? You must be bIoody delusional if you think you’re going to trick me with that! I felt the way my broom was yanked down.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said with a smile “Do you Evan?”

Evan shook his head, as if Barty needed a sidekick to be vile.

“You’re begging for me to break your stupid nose again,” you replied as you looked at him impassively.

“I’d like to see you try,” he said smugly.

You pointed your wand at his face, but Remus stood in front of you, calmly placing his hand over the one you used to hold your wand and pushing it down a little, to prompt you to do it yourself.

Sirius stood still next to Remus, looking at Barty with hate, but keeping a strong grip on his wand.

“Remus what the–“

“–He’s provoking you,” he told you calmly “he wants you to react.”

“Yeah, well maybe I want to react,” you retorted, now slightly irritated at your friend’s actions. He just looked at you, shook his head calmly and softly ran his thumb over your forearm, still pushing it lightly down. If anyone knew about anger management it was Remus Lupin.

“Hey,” he said softly, looking at you straight in the eye, trying to get you to focus on him, rather than on Barty looking at you cockily from behind “Look at me luv,” he cooed, you looked at him for a second but turned your eyes back to Barty “I’m fine, Pads’s fine, you’re fine. There is no need to fight.”

“You could’ve gotten hurt, we could’ve–“

“–Listen to me. Don’t give him the satisfaction of rilling you up. You don’t want him to be the cause of Gryffindor losing points, do you? That’s probably why he’s–“

“–yeah, go ahead (Y/N), listen to your boyfriends, they know what’s best,” Evan taunted from behind, you clenched your jaw. But took a deep breath, finally lowering your wand. Maybe you should’ve put him in his place then and then, how different would things have ended up if you actually had?

“You know what Barty? Remus is right, you aren’t even worth my time.” You said standing straighter “At least be more creative with your petty jokes next time, all right? Maybe then you’d at least keep me entertained.” Then you turned around and used your wand to pull both yours and Sirius’ broom to your hands and walked back to the castle, lagging just a second so Sirius and Remus would walk by your side.

“I want to strangle him,” you told them once you thought the two Slytherins were out of earshot.

“You and me both,” Sirius agreed, taking his broom from your hands, but lingering as his fingers brushed over yours “I probably would have, had Remus not stopped me first.” You looked at him for a moment and then recalled, Sirius was still on top of Remus because of the fall when you speed-walked towards the two Slytherin boys. “And he’s right, the last thing we want is to start an open war in between us and his stupid gang.”

“But they already started it, we’re just not doing anything about it.” You reproached, still a little riled up, the urge to punch Barty was wearing you thin, “Anyway, I do not want to have detention while everyone’s enjoying themselves at the Halloween party next week.”

Remus smiled “How do you know about that?”

“Tom and Beth told me all about the party you guys always plan together, I’m already preparing my costume.”

“Is it gonna be a sexy Halloween costume, luv?” Sirius chimed in, leaning towards you with a little smirk on his face.

You pushed him back playfully “Ugh… don’t be such a dog!”

Remus laughed at that, “I’m sure you’d look pretty even in a sack of potatoes.”

“Yeah, in a very short one,” Sirius teased even further.

“If only my boyfriend was as much of a gentleman as his friend here,” you said with a playful sight.

“You clearly don’t know Moony’s dark side,” Sirius chimed.

You arched your eyebrows at that “And you do?”

Sirius was about to respond when Beth showed up, looking a bit agitated as If she had been running “There you are!” She said as she stood in front of the three “Professor Spellman wants to see us earlier today, something about a special announcement.”

You frowned “Right now?” You asked. She nodded.

“But we haven’t eaten!” Sirius complained.

“I don’t think it’ll take too much,” Beth said with a shrug, “But it did seem rather urgent.”

You nodded and the four of you started walking towards the North Tower. When you arrived, you realized they hadn’t exclusively called your class, in fact, the entire school year had somehow crammed inside the classroom. There were barely any sits left, when Tom saw Beth, he quickly waved to her and she went to sit besides him. You scanned the room and found only one table free, you rolled your eyes when you realized Evan and a Slytherin girl from his year whose name slipped your mind were sitting behind it. You looked at Sirius and pointed at the only free spot with a nudge of your head.

He rolled his eyes but the three of you walked towards the table, the boys pushed the two chairs together and you squeezed in between the two. Leaning ahead a little so they could accommodate their larger backs onto the chair. Sirius had placed his hand on your tight under the table, and you gave him a look, “I’m gonna fall if I don’t grab onto something,” he said with an innocent smile.

“Yeah, sure enough, Puppy,” you replied playfully.

“Hm… that’s the fifth from this week,” he said as he squeezed your tight.

Then you felt something pull your hair from behind. You turned around pissed and Evan was smiling “What? Did I ruin your cuddle time with your two boyfriends?”

You looked at him, but smirked “Why, you jelly?” You asked but didn’t give him enough time to reply, “You should know by now that my cuddle time knows no bounds. It's an exclusive club with a very long waiting list. But don't worry, I can squeeze you in somewhere between Tuesdays and never."

Evan’s face turned sour while Sirius looked at you with a proud smirk and Remus laughed, chest rumbling behind you. He was about to retaliate when Professor Spellman walked in. So you decided to piss him off even further “Shh honey…” you said as condescendingly as possible “Teacher’s about to speak,” finally you turned around with a smirk.

Remus gave you a side eye and placed his hand, palm facing up, just above your lap, raising his eyebrows, you understood what he meant in a second and high-fived him instantly, giving him a wink before leaning over the desk a little, to give the two boys some space.

When Spellman finally reached his desk, he gave you a stern look “Miss (Y/LN), why are you sitting between Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin?”

“There was nowhere else to sit,” you replied, motioning to the crammed classroom “I can sit on the floor if you want though.”

The Professor sighed but nodded, “That won’t be necessary, this won’t take too long,” he said, before waving his wand and letting a long banner unroll from the ceiling over the chalkboard.

It read: The Moon and the Stars

“As some of you who keep up with the astral cycle may know, next Sunday is full moon,” Spellman said, you felt Remus tense behind you, which made you frown, but the professor kept talking, and you ended up shrugging it off “And not only that, but a very interesting phenomenon will also occur, it will be a bIood moon, which makes it the perfect moment for an astrology class,” He said with a proud smile “You will all be excused from today’s class in exchange for 2 hours of your Sunday night.” There was a mix of groans and cheers in the classroom, from those who were happy about not having class, and those who were upset about having class on a Sunday “Class will start at 10 pm,” Spellman continued, not giving the children time to protest “bring your notebooks and telescopes, those who have their own. We will meet in the Astronomy tower. Any questions?”

A Ravenclaw boy raised his hand “What happens if we can’t make it?”

“I highly doubt you’ll have anything better to do on Sunday night Mr. Finchley,” the professor responded sassily. Remus, who looked like he wanted to say something, decided to let it go, and sank back on the chair. The professor waited a couple more seconds, to see if anyone else had a question, but upon no one’s answer he clapped his hands together “Excellent, you’re excused now. See you on Sunday.”

Sirius was the first one to stand up, letting you out through his side, while Remus seemed to be a little troubled. Your boyfriend placed a hand over his shoulder “It’s ok mate, we’ll figure it out,” he told him. You looked at the exchange with curiosity but it dissipated the moment Lily appeared out of nowhere and hooked her arm around yours.

“The girls and I are going to go prepare some droughts at the potions classroom now, hair and grooming stuff, you said you wanted to brew a special something for your Halloween costume, yeah?”

You nodded, Sirius raised an eyebrow “Special something?”

You smiled in response “If you guess it, I’ll give you a prize,” you said confidently, he would not guess your Halloween costume, even if he tried a thousand times.

“Anything I want?” He asked suggestively.

You laughed in response “Sure Puppy, anything you want,” you told him before walking out with Lily, the girls were waiting just outside the door.

“That was the 6th!” You heard Sirius say from behind.

Lily raised an eyebrow “What’s that all about,” she asked. You giggled in response “Let’s just say dear Sirius and I have a bit of an arrangement, I can call him Puppy whenever I want, but he gets some kisses in return.”

She laughed at your answer “Why aren’t I surprised?”

You shrugged with a smile, finally catching up with the girls “You wanted to make a glow potion, right?” Mary asked, “Like the one Marlene drank on her birthday?”

“Yup, I think I’ve got all the ingredients ready too,” you told her, checking the little rattan bag inside your backpack where you’d been placing all the necessary stuff.

Lily gave a small peak to the bag and frowned “I don’t think you’ve got glow-weed yet.”

Tom, who seemed to have shown up out of nowhere started to walk by Lily’s side “Why do you need weed?”

You laughed “Glow-weed,” Beth corrected “not weed, weed.”

“Hmmm… that’s not as fun.” He said, scrunching his nose a little “What for?”

“(Y/N’s) Halloween Costume,” Marlene answered casually.

“Oh, you’re gonna be a fairy or something?” He asked excitedly.

You paled at that and turned to him wide-eyed “If you tell Sirius Black about it, I’ll strangle you.”

“Cheeky,” he replied, leaning closer to you, which made you roll your eyes and push him back.

“Please don’t tell Sirius?”

“Why?”

“She promised Sirius a prize if he guessed. She specifically said anything he wanted,” Lily chimed in.

Tom looked at Lily and then turned his gaze back to you, impressed “So really cheeky then.”

“Toooom!” You whined.

“My lips are sealed,” he said, passing a hand over them as if he was zipping them and then placing his hand over his chest. How dramatic, you thought, but then again, you were the one dating Sirius Black, so who were you to judge?

“Why didn’t you just tell him about your costume?” Asked Beth.

You sighed “He was going on and on about sexy Halloween costumes, he would not stop bothering me if I did.” You responded simply, by then you were already outside the potions classroom. Professor Slughorn was in his office, and Lily had been the one inside and asked for permission to enter. He was more than happy to let you guys in to practice potions that he even gave Lily the key to the ingredients room, giving you free rein to use whatever you might need.

When Lily came out, shaking the key in her hand with a smile Marlene rolled her eyes “Teacher’s pet,” she teased.

“Maybe,” she said with a shrug “but, I just got our hands on the Ingredients Supply, and Slughorn said we could take whatever we wanted.”

“Sweet!” Said Tom as he took the keys from Lily’s hands and led all the way to the ingredients room. He took out a little paper from his pocket and started looking for some stuff, all the while you tried to find some of that glow-weed.

When you finally found it you looked at the combination of stuff he’d placed in his basket and narrowed your eyes at him in suspicion “That’s not for beauty products is it?”

He shook his head with a little smirk “I’m working on a little something,” he said, “also for the Halloween party.”

You raised your eyebrow, looking at the stuff he’d gathered so far “Essence of Laughing Lily, Blissberry Extract, Frolic Fizzweed Leaves, Lavender Essence, are you by any chance making–“

He shook his head and placed a finger over your mouth “–Shhhhh! If Lily busts us, we won’t be having any fun.”

You smiled complicity “Well then, keep working on your little magical project,” you said, and then leaned in closer to whisper “If you add Moonstone Shimmer, you can make the potion a bit more potent overall.” You raised your eyebrows and winked before walking back to the table on which you’d be working. Marlene was next to you, and she’d set herself to prepare a special hand cream since the weather was getting colder.

Beth was working on an enchanting hair serum that she’d run out of. And Lily said she was working on a “perfect curls potion,” also for the Halloween party.

“Would you mind borrowing me some of that on the Halloween party?” You asked her when she told you what she was working on.

She nodded “In fact, I’m making a lot extra,” she replied with a smile “To keep a stash on our bathroom.”

“You’re brilliant!” You told her with a smile.

“I’m working on some radiant complexion elixir, also for our bathroom,” Mary said. “We’re giving some of our stuff to Beth and she’s gonna borrow some of her hair stuff. We’ll all be stocked up in beauty products?”

“And you do this all the time?” You asked with a smile.

“A couple times a year, yeah,” said Marlene from her table.

“Genious, can I help with anything?”

“I was actually thinking of using some of your glow potion and add it to the one I’m making, for glowier hair,” Beth told you, you smiled and nodded.

“Oh, that would look amazing!” You agreed, “A bit on the radiant complexion would probably work wonders too.”

“Yes, it would!” Lily said with a nod. “And what are you working on Tom?” She asked, turning to the boy.

He turned to her like a deer trapped in headlights, and then crossed his eyes over at you, pleading for help “After shave lotion, right?” You said casually “So that the shave lasts longer, you mentioned?”

He nodded “Ye– yeah… I heard Remus complain about his freshly shaved face lasting nothing, and I thought, same mate. Decided to do something about it.”

You kept a tight smile as you gave him a look. Tom was a shitty liar. “Right! I’m sure that recipe James got you from Fleamont will be brilliant.” Tom nodded and went back to his preparations.

“Why would you need Frolic Fizzweed Leaves for an aftershave lotion?” Lily asked, more to herself than to the rest.

You shrugged “Must be one of those secret Potter family tricks,” you said with a shrug, and then smiled when you concluded it would be the perfect time to tease your friend “I’m sure if you married Potter your in-laws would be more than happy to tell you all about them.”

Lily gave you a reproachful look, but Marlene added to the conversation “It’d be great, that way they could get back the potion-making talent they lost on with James.”

“James isn’t bad at potions!” She said with a shrug, not quite thinking before she spoke.

Your smile grew “Really? Tell us all about your boy’s talents.”

“He’s not my boy.”

“Pretty sure he is, at least in his point of view,” added Tom as he mixed some things in his cauldron.

“Why don’t you guys tease (Y/N) with Sirius instead?” Lily said as she chopped some of her ingredients with a bit of a frown.

“They’re dating already, what is there to tease them about?” Mary said with a shrug, “If you want us to stop teasing you, you should just date Potter.”

You all laughed at that, but no one continued to tease poor Lily any further. As you went back to your table next to Marlene, you realized she was already mixing stuff in her cauldron. You figured most of your friends would be done with their potions before your next meal, so you decided to concentrate on your brew.

Getting the extract from the glow weed, was the most complicated part since it required an intricate spell and some special distillation skills, but you managed to do it after just a couple of tries. Once that was done, the rest of the potion was actually pretty simple, all you had to do was add the ingredients at the right time and mix according to the instructions. When you finished, you had a cauldron filled with glow potion, it had a golden colour, slightly bright, almost as if there was some light source hidden in the inside of it. You took out the crystal bottles you’d gotten for today and used a ladle to slowly pour the liquid onto them, placing some of the potion in a small bottle with a dropper, and handed it over to your friends so they could add their drops on the potions they’d made.

When you were done, everyone was pleased with their own potions, especially Tom, who had somehow managed to finish his mystery potion without anyone else figuring out what he was making, he placed it on a small crystal bottle with a golden cap and a transparent liquid. You all walked back to the dorms together and divided the little vials amongst Beth and your room. She wasn’t all that close with her roommates, so she took smaller, personal-sized potions while your room got the bigger vials and flasks. Once you placed your small bottle on your trunk, next to some of the other stuff you’d already prepared for your costume, you walked downstairs to wait for the girls in the common room, you grabbed the book Nina had lent you and sat on the couch. Tom came down and plopped down beside you minutes later.

“What are you reading?” He asked taking the book from your hands and reading the back cover “A spicy werewolf novel?”

“It was recommended.”

“Yeah, I bet,” he said with a bit of a cheeky smile and started flipping through the pages, stopping in on a page with a drawing of a shirtless man and eyeing it “Damn, he could rile me.” You raised an eyebrow, “Just look at him!”

You laughed at that “Didn’t know you liked boys.”

He shook his head “It’s not that I like them,” he said “I just don’t care if they’re boys, or girls, or anything…”

You nodded, thinking about it for a second “I think I don’t either.”

He gave you his signature bright smile and placed his arm over your shoulder, bringing you slightly closer to him “Welcome to the club!”

“Are there many others like us in the school?”

“You’d be surprised, most of them hide it quite well though, you wouldn’t expect it, you know a few, but it’s not for me to tell. We Brits are pretty open-minded you see.”

You nodded, “Definitely better than in my old school.”

When the girls finally came downstairs you all walked out of the common room together, and you stayed with them until you had to split ways since they’d taken a different extracurricular. You walked half of the way to your classroom when you spotted Remus walking by himself, who also walked towards the classroom, so you picked up your pace and caught up with him “Nice to see you again, Rem!” You told him with a smile.

“How did potion making go?” He asked politely.

“Excellent, my costume is almost ready!”

“You’re really going big with it, aren’t you?” He asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

You nodded “It’s my first Halloween at Hogwarts, you guys have set the bar pretty high according to Marlene, I’ve gotta match those high standards.”

“She said that?”

You nodded “She told me all about your costumes from previous years, how last Halloween you dressed up as the teachers, McGonagall was mortified when she saw Prongs with an exact replica of her green robes.”

Remus laughed, remembering that moment “Yeah, she did.”

“What about you? What are you dressing as this year?”

He sighed, “Frankly, I don’t have a plan yet, last year was Pads’ idea, and we all followed through, but this year he had a pretty rough summer break and didn’t plan any group costumes, we’re all making our own.”

“I think you should be a pirate!” You told him simply.

“A pirate?”

“You’ve got the sexy pirate vibe going on already, why not?” You asked with a shrug.

“Sexy pirate vibe?” He asked in disbelief.

You nodded “Ask anyone, they’ll confirm it.”

“Confirm what?” James asked as he caught up with the two of you

“That Remus looks like a sexy pirate.”

James raised his eyebrows at your words, looking a little impressed, and then turned to his friend “Hmmm…. Yeah, I see it.”

“See? Told you! It was literally the first impression I got from you.”

“When I went to pick you up at Dumbledore’s office?” He asked, rather confused.

You shook your head “No! When we you bumped into me at the station. I saw you, and instantly came flashbacks of those spicy novels with shirtless men on the cover.”

When James heard it, he laughed like a madman, you were right, Moony definitely had the type. “Yours would have you, holding onto the ship’s mast with a barely buttoned white shirt, and the title would be something like The Beast Within,” James said in between laughs.

Remus gave James a warning look, but you were too occupied gasping at James’ boldness “Are you implying Remus is a beast in bed, Merlin! James, I did not expect you to be cheating on Lily with your best friend!”

Now it was Remus’ turn to laugh, James’ dumb joke had turned on him “Yeah James, please explain how you’d know anything about my nightly activities… I could be a gentle lover for all you know.”

“I don’t know about that,” you teased “You do give off the beast in bed vibe.”

Remus gasped “I’m the chillest of the group.”

You nodded “It’s always the quiet ones,” you said with an air of mystery.

When you arrived at the classroom, the three of you struggled to gain back composure and to calm down after the fit of laughter you’d caused each other. Remus went to sit beside Sirius, the first thing he did, was ask him what they were all laughing about, and after being told the story he ended up agreeing with you on two of the things said, First: Remus had to dress as a pirate now, there was no other option. Second: Moony would definitely be a beast in bed.

Saturday came and went, this time you actually got to go to Hogsmeade for the first time, even if it was more of a business run than a pleasure one, the boys were so focused on getting all the stuff for the party ready that you barely even saw Sirius while you were in town. You spend most of the day with the girls, jumping from shop to shop to get some of the last bits you needed for everyone’s costume. Mary was going to go the easy route, she decided she’d dress as a kitten, her plan was to grab some cat ears and a tail, and enchant them to move like those of a real cat would.

Marlene was going to do a matching costume with Holden, they’d both go as Sonny and Cher from the video “I Got You Babe”. Marlene had even gotten her hands on a long black wig and a small fur coat. And Holden had actually bought a hair-lengthening potion to match the look. You were certain the two of them would look incredible in their outfits. Beth was going to dress as an astronaut since she was very passionate about space exploration and some of the newer muggle technology advancements. Tom was going to dress up as a vampire and had convinced you to help him charm his canines to look like fangs.

James tried to persuade Lily to do a couple’s costume with him, but she refused every single time he asked, in the end, she decided she’d go as Ophelia, from Hamlet. When James found out he asked Remus to give him a short summary of the story and decided he’d be dressing up as Hamlet, to match with Lily even if she wasn’t expecting it. You honestly considered warning him against it, but he seemed so hopeful and they would look absolutely adorable in the photos so you decided against it. Peter said he’d dress as Edmund Pevensie, from "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” a book he had read when he took the muggle literature with Remus in 4th year, he’d convinced Teddy Hawthorn to dress as Peter, Annabeth Doxon to be Susan and a girl who you hadn’t met yet to be Lucy.

Since you didn’t tell Sirius what you were dressing as, he decided he wouldn’t tell you either, so both of your costumes would be a surprise to each other.

Unfortunately, your visit to Hogsmeade was so hectic, like everyone else’s, that you didn’t even have time to visit any of the restaurants your friends always talked about, you did see the Three Broomsticks from afar, it seemed like a nice and cozy little pub, very English in its type. Tom mentioned they made mean Beef Pasties and even if you weren’t quite sure they were, the way he described them them made them seem utterly delicious. He promised to treat you to some next time you went to Hogsmeade.

By Sunday, you were all spent, dedicating a good deal of the day to work on your costumes, Hagrid had gifted some pumpkins to Peter and you were carving along with him and Remus in the common room, Beth was gluing some patches to her astronaut costume and Lily worked on adding some details to her dress. James and Sirius were up in their dorm, since James had to work on his secret Hamlet costume, and Sirius on his own secret costume.

“How does it look,” you said as you turned around your pumpkin for Peter to see it.

He winced when he saw it, but was too nice to say anything negative about it “It’s… a little wonky, it… uh… works with the Halloween theme?”

You laughed in response and pulled out the book of practical spells Nina had lent you, being sure there had to be something useful there.

“Want some help?” Remus asked politely, taking your pumpkin and using a small blade to straighten some of your cuts.

You placed a hand over his shoulders and thanked him before going back to the book, still trying to find a useful spell, but there wasn’t exactly a Halloween section on the index. When you turned back to look at your pumpkin, Remus had already finished up refining it and it looked incredible.

“That’s… Remus, you’re incredible with your hands!”

“That’s what she said,” Peter said, almost automatically.

You gasped “Peter!” you said as a little smile drew from your lips. He looked up from his pumpkin mortified, you giggled “Didn’t know you had it in you to make dirty jokes.”

“You do remember I literally sleep in the same room that Sirius, right? The ability just rubs into me,” he told you with a little smile. You laughed along with Remus.

You heard some steps from behind and finally saw both Sirius and James walk down the stairs, Sirius casually leaned closer to you and placed a fast kiss on your lips before turning to Moony. You realized he had some glitter on his hair and passed your hand over it to shake it off as he spoke “Ready to go Moons? Pete?”

Remus checked his watch, and nodded “Yeah, I should probably get going, I’ll see you guys there?”

Peter nodded, “I’ll stay here for a couple minutes more, I want to finish this pumpkin, but I’ll be there.”

“Excellent, it’s settled then.”

Sirius finally turned to you, since you were still fluffing his hair “You done love?”

You shook your head “haven’t seen you much this weekend,” you said with a pout, not quite wanting to take your hands off his head.

He smiled and tilted his head just a little “Don’t tempt me, I’ll end up staying.”

You laughed at that, but you knew how important the marauder’s jokes were, so you shook your head “Go ahead trouble, I’ll see you at divinations, yeah?”

He gave you a look and shrugged with a smile on his face, before giving you a wink and running out behind Peter and James, who had already walked out of the portrait.

“You’re not planning to skip divinations, are you?” You asked Peter, who gave you an awkward smile in reply.

“And Remus just said yes?”

Peter seemed a little nervous at your question, but you didn’t quite understand why he would be “We…. Um— It’s very important business.”

You frowned, a little unconvinced but nodded, deciding not to question him further, “Ok then, I’ll cover for you lot. I’ll tell Spellman you ate something at Hogsmeade yesterday and that you’re feeling dreadful or something.”

Peter finally met your gaze “You’d do that for us?”

“Of course I would!” You said, as if it was obvious “You’re my friends, I’d cover for you any day.”

Peter smiled “You’re the best!”

You and Peter cleaned the table and placed the pumpkins near the window before he left. Once he was gone you moved closer to the girls, both Beth and Lily were still working on their costumes, “Need any help?” You asked politely.

Lily shook her head, but Beth responded “Yeah, can you pass me some of those patches please.” She said as she pointed at the table filled with patches, you carefully picked them up and handed them over. Letting yourself fall on the couch once you were done. You picked up the book Nina had lent you, the spicy novel this time, and finally started to read through it. You’d actually enchanted the cover since clearly it called everyone’s attention with the original one. Now it looked like a copy of a regular old spell book.

“Uh… I’m gonna feel bad if you keep studying while I’m working on a costume.” Lily Pouted from her place on the floor.

You chuckled “I’m not actually studying though, It’s a spicy romance book Nina lent me, the cover was a bit extra, so I charmed it.”

Lily gasped, with a smile drawing on her lips as she did. “You sly fox!”

You smiled at that, laughing as you said “Oh… trust me, you’ve got no idea.”

“And.. Is it actually spicy?” Beth asked, not looking up from her costume.

You shrugged, “Not sure, haven’t even met the main love interest so far, I’m barely starting the book. But I’ll tell you if it’s good.” You told her before going back to read. Every now and then they would ask you for small favors like holding the fabric for a second or passing something that was closer to you than it was to them. It was nice to just chill with the two redheads for a while.

After some time Mary and Marlene came from the stairs, you pulled your head from the book and turned to the girls “Is it already time for class?” You asked, surprised.

Mary nodded “9:30, you see?”

“We should probably start walking there, in case the stairs decide to be funny today,” you said as you stood up.

Both Lily and Beth grabbed their costumes and carefully sat them over a table, you wrote a small note and placed it over them, so that other Gryffindors wouldn’t grab them by accident, or after trying to admire them. Once it was done, you started walking towards the class, Tom caught up with you halfway there, and you all arrived at the astronomy tower with a couple of minutes left. Professor Spellman was already there, and a couple of students were pulling out their own telescopes as well, Tom included among them. The moon was already starting to. fade. According to Tom, who wouldn’t shut up about the way the BIood Moon worked “The moon will almost disappear completely before we can see it again, and when we do, it will turn red.”

He seemed so fascinated by the event you decided not to tell him you’d read all about it on the pages of the divination book Professor Spellman had you read for today’s class. At some point a Hufflepuff boy walked closer to Tom, smiling brightly as he greeted him “How’s it going Tom?”

Tom smiled back at him “Brilliant, I was just telling (Y/N) here about the mechanisms of the BIood Moon.”

“Really? I’d love to hear all about it!” The boy said with a smile.

You gave Tom a look, raising an eyebrow, he just smiled and winked in return, “Right! I’m sure Tom will know lots about it, I think Marlene’s calling me. See you boys around!” You said, giving Tom a knowing look, and letting the two boys flirt by themselves.

You were about to walk towards Marlene, when you heard the same howls from the time when you’d gone to the greenhouses with Lily, a lot further away this time, but the same nonetheless. So instead, you turned around and walked to the window closest to the sound. When you reached, you leaned over the edge just a little, to try and see better, but there was nothing but an endless sea of trees, wherever the things making the sound were, they must have been very deep inside the dark forest. Then you felt someone push you over the balcony violently, just to pull you back again with a vicious grip on your shirt “Careful, you may fall,” you heard Evan’s stupid voice as he pretty much pulled you towards his chest, you could feel his hot breath on your neck, disgusting, you wonder how it was possible that you’d considered him attractive at some point.

You turned around quickly, forcing him to loosen his grip on your shirt “What the hell Rosier?” You hissed. He was not alone either. Severus was on his side and another boy, who you quickly identified as Mulciber. He was taller with a tank-like complexion, that contrasted with Rosier’s softer looks as water did with oil. You stood your ground, even if you wanted to step back “Awww… did you have to bring your bodyguards along? Too scared to face lil’ old me by yourself?” You mocked, “Don’t worry, I can take Frankestine and Slimmy on any day of the week.”

“What the fuck did you just call me?” Mulciber said, taking a step forward.

“Offf, sorry! Guess I should have used a reference a little more keen to your level of knowledge.”

Evan scoffed, “Do you think it’s a good idea to make fun of him?” He said as he tilted his head, pulling back a little and giving the room a once over “especially without your boyfriends here to protect you.”

“Please, as if I needed anyone to protect me from you lot. Barty’s fan #1, Lily’s simp and Mr. Big guy” you laughed “you’re joke.” Ok, in hindsight, maybe you were pushing it a bit too hard. But you were not going to let them intimidate you.

Evan grabbed you by the collar and pushed you towards the railing again, you grabbed onto the handle, knuckles white with the force you were using, but you eyed him with a bravery you didn’t know where the hell you’d gotten from. You looked around and smiled, people were crowding up around you “You sure you wanna do that, luv? We’ve got a bit of a crowd here, too many witnesses, right? All though, I’m sure you’d fit in perfectly fine in Azkaban.” He seemed tempted to drop you, but eventually, he let go and pulled back. You smiled and straightened your uniform “Yeah, I thought so.”

“This is not over,” he threatened.

“Bring more henchmen next time,” you mocked with a smile. When he was gone, you turned around to the forest again, taking deep breaths to calm yourself down, and looking at the possible fall you could’ve gotten. It would most certainly be mortal.

Lily pushed through the crowd to reach you, looking at you filled with worry once she caught up “What the hell were you thinking (Y/N)? All that bravado was gonna be worth for nothing had he actually pushed you.”

“He wasn’t going to push me.”

“He’s insane, he could have,” she argued.

“Not in front of so many people.” You insisted, “Not without stupid Barty Crouch around, he’s the only reason Evan’s got anything against me.”

“That was the only reason,” Lily corrected “You insulted them out in the open for the entire class to hear.”

“They came pushing me into the railing first. I was not going to cry for help.”

“Ughhh….” She said exasperated, and then pulled you into a bone-crushing hug, “Just promise me you won’t go facing those assholes by yourself. Please don’t be as stupid as the boys.”

You sighed and returned the hug “I will not go chasing after them Lily, I promise.” You said, and you really did not intend to do it.

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 13 days ago

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"[...] she doesn’t have an attitude of ‘leaving her until last’ because she’s seen what that’s done to Kaz. She knows that Kaz will never have the satisfaction he’s searching for - I could write essays, he’s in many ways an addict - and so instead of finding the individuals who hurt her and taking them down one by one until only Heleen remains, as Kaz has done by murdering the boy who acted as the roper and by the implied murder of Saskia and Margit as well as many others, [...]"

Could you talk about this? Not just how Kaz is an addict, but him and revenge in general

Hi, thanks so much for your question!

I'm a little embarrassed to have to say that I (more recently than you asked, and if I'd put thought into it at the time/was more sober at the time I would've posted it as a response to your ask instead of it's own thing) I did make a post about this... whilst I was drunk and thinking about Six of Crows... erm...

So you can read that here

But also, possibly more coherently:

So I personally think that addiction is an important theme in the duology and there are 3 major presentations of it: Jesper’s gambling addiction, Nina’s jurda parem addiction, and Kaz’s addiction to revenge. I’m not going to focus too much on Nina and Jesper right now but I do just want to say that I think it’s really important to note how Inej responds to seeing addiction in the others. In the post you referenced here I was talking about how I think Inej would have a different attitude towards killing Heleen than Kaz did to Rollins because she’s seen what his obsession with Rollins did to him and how it's had a negative impact on him in many ways.

However, focusing on Kaz and addiction as a whole I think it's really important to acknowledge that Kaz openly admits to the reader that nothing he can do to Rollins is ever going to be enough for him. When he talks about Jesper's addiction he says (and I've not got my book on me so sorry if I've misremembered the exact quote, I'm paraphrasing from memory) "Someone like Jesper wins two hands and starts calling it a streak. Eventually he loses, and it only leaves him hungry for more" and it's always struck me how precisely this description can be applied to Kaz's own life: he chips away small pieces of Rollins' empire, such as having his steerers acting outside of Pekka's clubs to lead them away from the Dime Lions' businesses and to the Dregs' ones instead, and describes it as enough to keep him going, and then he steps up and 'wins' in Six of Crows when he succeeds at the Ice Court Heist job whilst Rollins fails, this triumph arguably is in part what leads to his downfall in failing to predict Rollins' alliance with Van Eck; he is subsequently tricked and victimised by him all over again, a situation that he describes as being "worse this time" because he is now "old enough to know better", and this experience leaves him desperate and furious to act against him again. He experiences a kind of high when he is able to gain any kind of victory against Rollins, but when that includes such small victories as chipping away at his business the low that comes upon losing is only made all the worse.

I think what's particularly interesting about this presentation, however, is that a) no-one except Inej seems to identify it this way and b) we as the reader aren't encouraged to want Kaz to stop seeking vengeance in the way we're encouraged to want Nina to overcome parem and Jesper to stop gambling. One of my favourite underrated quotes from really early on in Crooked Kingdom (I think it's ch2 but I might be wrong) is when Kaz explains the plan for the Smeet job, which revolves entirely around making Jesper gamble at the card tables for an entire night, and Nina sarcastically suggests that for 'phase two' of this plan maybe she should "masquerade as a jurda parem dealer" because "what could possibly go wrong?", and of course we have the GORGEOUS, beautifully written, famous lines from Inej to Jesper at the Geldrenner hotel later in the book when she tells him that "there's a wound in you" and that the games feel like medicine "but it's poison, Jes" (again paraphrasing from memory for the quotes, sorry). Addiction is very much in the foreground for Jepser throughout the duology and for Nina during Crooked Kingdom, but we never really get a discussion of it for Kaz except in the Bathroom Scene when Inej challenges him about what he would do next if he managed his revenge, and he ultimately had no answer for her (so he resorted to being as dramatic as possible and we love him for it).

But revenge is ultimately what kept Kaz alive. That he admits himself as well, saying that he would have laid down on the Reaper's Barge and died because nothing was waiting for him back on land until he came to the realisation that there was one thing he could strive for if he survived: vengeance. So not only is this arguably why he could give Inej no answer, because it is the only thing he has existed for since he was nine years old, but it also kind of creates this never ending cycle between him and revenge of the concept being both so destructive and so constructive (??that doesn't feel like the right word but I can't think of a better one??) simultaneously - it actually makes me think of a quote from one of Inej's chapters when they're on the roof at the Ice Court. She describes a mural she can see below with two animals, I think wolves but I can't remember off the top of my head I'm sorry, chasing each other and she describes them as being cursed to keep moving in the same circle "for as long as the Ice Court stood". I could talk for days, and probably will do in the future, about how much I freaking love that line as a metaphor for Kaz and Inej's relationship and how the breaking of that cycle comes with the symbolic fall of the Ice Court, but I also think that we can apply it to Kaz indivdually in his relationship with vengeance.

Anyway I hope that this was interesting and that it made some semblance of sense, and I am so sorry that I took an eternity to respond to your ask but thank you so much for sending it this was such an interesting topic to write about!! I love getting asks, please don't let my lateness in replying to them put you off sending one I will get through them all I promise, these things just tend to take a while for me to think about how to answer them first and then I like to write them in one sitting so that all my ideas are fresh so I have to find a good time to sit down and focus on them. But that aside thank you very much for the ask and I hope that this answer was an interesting read 😊

This has been another episode of DK Finally Gets It Together And Answers Her Asks Because It's About Damn Time (Working Title), thanks for joining me & you can check the tag for more <3

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crumblinggothicarchitecture · 7 months ago

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I was so impressed with your toe-to-toe comment on the French philosophy anon. So happy to have found you, omg! I heard Taylor called her ttpd set as the "female rage musical." I take it she knows the impact of the song Labour by Paris Paloma which has been dubbed as the female rage anthem. So naturally, here is the 34 year old culture vulture, can't-have-any-ideas-of-her-own that is Taylor Swift hopping there wanting to get the attention away from it when that song is quite phenomenal. One song compared to her 31 diss tracks that's nothing to me, at least, but the excessive sentimentality of an infantile woman in her 30s. It's gross the confessions she's put on that album. And even her own fans are comparing her to Olivia Rodrigo. That's she's copying everything about her - song, outfits, the "female rage" theme just to mock her. Somehow, Swift thinks it would do her a world of good. People are catching on to her antics which are absolutely disgusting, btw. I'm hoping one day you write about all these completely ridiculous gross things she's done using her own lyrics. You know what I mean? I hope someone write about her nasty lyrics and that it completely destroys her.

Thank you ha, I'm glad you found something meaningful in that post. I will not lie, that Anon actually hurt my feelings for a second (I got over it by writing my response), but I was upset at being so misunderstood. I'm not out here levying unreasonable criticism at Taylor Swift. All will be based on reality, or interpretation of her own lyrics. I’m defs out to get her though- in the most legitimate way possible- and maybe someday I will publish for real on her. I have a couple of criticisms that I will not be putting on my blog- because I want to say it on a bigger platform. : )

I do see a lot of harmful things in her music that I have been resisting the urge to write about for YEARS! Even back in 2009, listening to "Love Story" I remember thinking to myself, oh this is nothing like what Shakespeare meant and it's also a weird appeal to the patriarchy through the "I talked to your Dad/ Go Pick out a white dress." It's so clear that she's just reduplicating mainstream attitudes on romantic relationships by using Christian Conservative social standards of needing the father's permission to ask the girl's hand in marriage. She obviously wanted to attract the Christian- Conservative fan- base with that song, and that's exactly what happened. Her marketing is tied to the phrases she places inside her songs in a way that is extremely calculating. She, Afterall, learned from the best at attracting mainstream, Christian, conservative fans, Toby Keith (hate that fascist, white nationalist freak). (WHoops, that was mean- oh well, he’s dead anyway). (and if he wanted me to be nice- he shouldn't have been a fascist).

It's so obvious, and I really figured everyone else was also aware of the ways in which Swift interpolates patriarchal standards in her music. I have many more examples- I could write a whole essay on it.

Apparently, everyone thought she was a feminist? Bro, she became a "feminist" if only to evade criticism and capitalize on mainstream pop-feminist trends. She's not a real feminist. Her use of “feminism” to evade critique ties directly into her other marketing strategy of telling the world “I’m so innocent and young” all the time.

Also, her co-opting of the phrase Female Rage has made me angry, exceptionally angry. I saw that she's trying to trademark the phrase. I am incensed. I will post about it soon.

I wish Swift would stop co-opting legitimate terms and pulling only the most shallow- self-centered conception of the term out to use in her mediocre music. She’s like if Pinterest was a person- and I’m tired of it.

Paris Paloma’s “Labour” is amazing, because guess what- it actually speaks about the experience of women under patriarchal standards in a way that respects the seriousness of the topic. I absolutely believe that Swift saw how viral that song went and decided she needed to cash in on that too.

And she is totally copying Olivia Rodrigo. Can you imagine being 34 and trying to act 20? I would die of embarrassment. But it's so obvious that it's getting weird.

I have much more to say on this topic- sincerely I could write a book on the conceptual point of “Female Rage” in media. I have thousands of examples, and I’ve been studying this stuff for years. I will, however, ramble on no longer. Thank you for your kind words- and I hope you enjoy my upcoming writings.

#anti taylor swift #anti swifties #anti capitalist #ex swiftie #taylor swift critical #fuck taylor swift #TTPD #paris paloma #labour #female rage #mad woman #feminism #feminist #olivia rodrigo

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misskattylashes · 7 months ago

Text

This essay is so big, it needs two parts!

The EYCTE cycle

Part 1

From ‘I Just wanted to be one of the Strokes’ to ‘I’m scared of love’ and why I don’t think we will get TLSP 3 any time soon.

There is no doubt that Planet Milex is a different place to where it was in 2015. Back then, they hung out in LA, treated girlfriends like third wheels, were pictured cuddling and behaving like a couple outside The Kills gig, and then went onto record Everything You’ve Come to Expect.

Planet Milex 2024 seems like a desert. No official pictures of them together, the only indication they are still in each other’s lives being Miles frequently mentioning in interviews about hanging out with Alex, still sharing clothes, a picture of them walking the streets of Shoreditch, a sneaky photo at a Scott Walker tribute concert (which interestingly was taken down immediately). Then ultimately, Alex wanting his beloved to be the support act for the final days of the tour, when it was clear at times Alex felt a little overwhelmed by it all, and of course, Miles was there to hold his hand and bring him back down to earth.

‘Maybe I was a little too wild in the seventies’

It’s interesting out of all the Monkey’s songs, it is I Wanna Be Yours that Alex then merged with Star Treatment (often adding ‘I just wanted a jet ski for the moat’ – more of that later), which kind of confirms who I Wanna Be Yours is about – I have no idea why no none has ever questioned the addition of ‘secrets I have held in my heart’.

I think the EYCTE period was one where feelings deepened and promises were made. The one to watch is Miles. At the beginning of the promotional period, Alex looks like an adoring boyfriend, but Miles is quite composed and whilst flirty with Alex, it’s no more than he ever was before, during the SIAS and AM eras. By the end, in the days of Sziget and Rock en Seine. Miles is looking like a soppy puppy with eyes full of love (pretty much how Alex has looked at him since 2008!). But judging by the lyrics of Star Treatment (which Alex started writing during EYCTE), Alex was aware their little bubble couldn’t last ‘here ain’t no place for dolls like you and me’, but Miles, having fallen hard thought they could keep it going.

Alex went off to France to record TBHC leaving Miles stranded in LA, friendless and a bit lost, meanwhile Alex went through a period of self-reflection and justifying to himself why he had let Miles down. Not all the songs on TBHC are related to Milex, Alex was influenced by a whole variety of things, but songs like Star Treatment, Golden Trunks, Batphone and The Ultracheese address their situation. The Ultracheese even ends ‘I done some things that I shouldn’t have done, but I haven’t stopped loving you once’. I see TBHC as Alex’s ‘excuse album’. Sorry I let you down Miles, but look what a big superstar I am with all these big responsibilities, but know I love you’

Miles on the other hand was angry and hurt and wanted to lash out. Coup de Grace is full of angst with thinly veiled digs at Alex (of course during the official promotion, Miles said it was about Hannah his ex but I do think mentioning Alex’s personal information in Killing the Joke is kind of telling). Wrong Side of Life is possibly one of the saddest and most desperate songs I have ever heard. And on Silverscreen, how do you explain Two Faced Johnny as being a woman?! The only hint at self-blame is on Too Little Too Late, with the lines ‘I’m too fickle set in my ways, I’m too little too late’ – which has echoes of Troubled Son. Personally, I think one of the reasons Alex possibly wanted to go back to how they were prior to EYCTE was because Miles had never committed before (see most of AM!) and it was a case of do the hurting before being hurt. But CDG ends with Shavambacu, which in an interview Miles said was about an ex and they used to call each other Shavambacu as a silly little name (cue footage of Miles calling Alex Shavambacu on stage). And the last line is ‘oh honey I love you’. Like TBHC, CDG ends with a declaration of love.

In between CDG and CTS we have the night at La Cigale (which I will write about in a different post) where I think their fall out came to a head, because not long after that, we have grainy footage of them hanging out in East London. At the same time Miles is writing Change The Show, and whilst the songs are still a bit angsty, there is a lot more pragmatism. See Ya When I See Ya stands out, and we have the ‘Johnny’ character again, but instead of being angry with Alex for his double life and secrets, Miles has resigned to himself he’ll always be there for him and keep his secrets for him. I think because they had reconciled to a degree, Miles realised they weren’t going anywhere, but it didn’t mean Alex didn’t annoy him. Final track Adios ta ra ta ra indicates exasperation at their constant battles, but there is still an air of resignation.

Part two tomorrow

#alex turner #miles kane #milex #tlsp #milex theory #tbhc #EYCTE #omb #cts #cdg

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holylulusworld · 2 years ago

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Law is his strong suit

Summary: You get another lesson from your professor...

Pairing: Professor Andy Barber x fem!Reader

Warnings: enemies uncle trope, angst, language, bitchy classmate, light blowjob, dirty talk, pet names, smut, unprotected sex, maybe a hint of dub-con?, mentions of stabbing, mentions of getting falsely accused, implied age gap (reader is a grad student and at age)

This story is part of my: Adventures with your professor masterlist

“Carmela Ryan Buchanan,“ you harshly ring your classmate’s doorbell. “For fuck’s sake! Your professor wants me to be your tutor. Open the fucking door.”

She doesn’t answer the door. You are fuming. It’s one of your few days off and you are standing in the rain, waiting for the bitch to open the door. “I don’t have all day. Open the door or I’ll leave!”

“What do you want?” she rips the door open and immediately snarls at you. “I’m on my way to my date.” She sneers while snapping her fingers in your face. “Get in and write that essay for me. That’s why I wanted you to come here.”

“You—what?” you step inside her home if only to get out of the cold. “Your professor asked me to help you with your essay, not to write it for you, Carmela!”

“Yeah, I don’t fucking care,” she snaps at you. “I got a hot date with an even hotter guy. Don’t wait up for me.”

You blink at her response. While you open your mouth and try to stop her from leaving, she already is halfway out of the house. “Wait! You can’t just…what are you doing?”

She giggles while slamming the door in your face.

You huff. Frustrated. “Who do you think you are?” it’s a lost cause to yell now, but you gotta get all the pent-up frustration out.

“What do you think you are doing at my house?” you turn around like in slow motion as a familiar voice turns your attention toward the man storming toward you.

“I-was…she…and then,” stammering you watch your professor walk toward you. He’s on you in a blink and grabs your arms to slam you into the door behind you. “Ouch, you’re hurting me.”

“You crazy little bitch!” he growls. “How dare you break into my home? Is that your payback for the B you got for your papers?”

“Your home?” you furrow your brows. “What? I didn’t break in. Carmela let me in.” You fight back. “Professor Laufeyson forced me to become her tutor. It’s not my fucking fault if that bitch runs off to ride yet another dick.”

“I told you before, stop with your fecal language,” he growls and squeezes your arms. “You can’t talk like that as a lawyer.”

“Who do you think you are, Professor Barber? And what was Carmela doing at your house?” you purse your lips. “I bet you are fucking that little bitch. Why should she be at your house if not to ride some dick?”

“She’s my niece,” Andy’s hands drop from your arms. He steps away as you run your hands up and down your upper arms. “Her father is out of town, and I offered him to keep an eye on her.”

“Good job, daddy,” you sass. “She just left your house to fuck some dude she just met.” He grits his teeth and his hands twitch as you finally speak your mind. “You are so high on your horse during lectures, but your family is just as bad as anyone else’s.”

“Go ahead, tell me everything you always wanted to say,” he steps closer again. His right hand pressed against the door he cages you with his body. “I want to hear all of it.”

“You’re a hard-ass only to be a hard-ass. I hate that you try to make us all feel bad all the time. Professor Barber is a three-letter word,” you sneer as he leans closer to sniff at your hair. “We are grad students. I’m an adult, not a kid.”

“You won’t make it one day at a courtroom. How do you want to handle all the bad guys, huh?” he whispers in your ear, making you shudder.

“It’s a promise I made when I was still a kid,” you raise your chin. “I want to defend the people no one cares about. The innocent ones.”

“No one is innocent, kitten,” you shudder as he moves one hand to your hips to squeeze your flesh. “You’ll end up defending people who hurt others.”

“My father was an innocent bystander,” he hums as you push against his chest to get him off you. “The cops didn’t care, and neither did the prosecutor. A lawyer proved them wrong. He found the footage and showed them that my dad didn’t stab that man at the bar. It was the bartender.”

“You’re so fucking stubborn,” you ignore the tingling in your body as he moves his hand a little higher and under your shirt. “I should put your nasty mouth to better use. Always keep it full of cock.”

“Professor Barber,” he dips his head to whisper in your ear.

“Get on your knees and show me that you can be a good girl for once.”

You swallow thickly. It’s not that you don’t find him attractive, or that you never fantasized about riding his dick. But he’s your professor and you both can get into trouble for crossing this line.

“Did you say the same to all of your students?” you smirk as he lifts his head to look you in the eyes. His usually calm blue orbs darken, and you know, he fights to keep his emotions under control.

“Only you are a bad girl all the time. Now,” he moves his hands to your shoulders and pushes you down. You hiss when your knees hit the carpet. “What do you want, kitten? Go home and touch your sweet pussy imaginening it’s me pounding into you, or—”

You bite your lower lip and coyly look up at Andy. He steps back to unbuckle his belt. He slowly opens his fly, almost as if he wants to drag this out a little longer.

“I want to see your big cock,” you wet your lips. “Maybe you can make up for being a bad professor all the time. Show me what you are hiding in those too-tight slacks.”

“You’ve got a big mouth on you,” he smirks as you watch him shove his pants and boxers down his thighs. “Show me what you can do with it…”

“Fuck that’s it, kitten,” Andy watches you run your tongue up and down his cock. You smirk and take him back down your throat.

You feel so powerful when the man giving you a hard time every day moans your name with every bob of your head.

“You suck me so good.”

It’s not a secret that you love to suck a nice dick. You moan around his thick length while Andy takes another picture.

“Only for me, I promise,” he groans as you tilt your head to take him a little deeper. “You’re so good for me Y/N.”

You roughly grip his thighs, all the while moving back and forth his length. He moves one hand behind your head to guide your movement. “Princess, you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth. I knew it.”

He throws his head back and groans deeply. “I’m going to cum in your mouth, and you will look even prettier when you drool all over my dick.”

You move a little faster when you feel his cock twitch. He won’t take long to come in your mouth. “Stop, I’m going to cum in another hole…”

Andy didn’t cum in your mouth. No. He had other plans. He put a pillow under your belly and spread your legs wide.

Now he moves on top of you. He’s pounding your quivering cunt, one hand around your neck. Andy moves his lips against yours, swallowing your moans and little squeaks.

“We gotta be quiet, princess,” he groans against your trembling lips, and gives you another hard thrust. “I want you to scream my name, but Carmela came home some time ago. We don’t want her to find out her uncle is fucking you good.”

“Andy—” you shout his name when you gush all over his cock. “Fuck…I…”

“Yeah, that’s more like it,” he speeds up again. “I guess we found a way to release all of your pent-up anger. I bet you’ll purr like a cat for me from now on.”

“We will see…professor,” you sling your legs around his waistline. “Give me a good show, and I’ll give you an A…”

Tags in reblog.

#andy barber #andy barber x female reader #andy barber x you #Law is his strong suit #smut #andy barber x y/n #andy barber smut #andy x reader #andy x you

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moon-witchs-world · 1 year ago

Text

Growing Pains - Remus J. Lupin part nine

Growing Pains - part nine

A Hogwarts tale

Remus Lupin x Fem!Witchreader

1,5k words

This is part nine of a multipart series. You can find part eight here

Masterlist

A/n: hey lovelies! Thank you so much for reading this series of mine. I enjoy writing this so much and always look forward to hear what you think. Leave me a comment or reblog, it makes my day!

You had no idea why you had said agreed when Sybill Trelawney asked you to come to her office to drink tea after supper. You should have known she would lure you in with the promise of tea and then take the opportunity to tell you all about your future. You never took Divination when you were in Hogwarts, it seemed like a silly subject, nothing serious and definitely not something you would need for the job that you envisioned for yourself.

But right now there was not really anything you could do to stop her from telling you things you didn't even believe in. You sat opposite Sybill, tea cup in hand and she was staring at you with her big, magnified eyes just waiting for you to finish the tea. As soon as you did, she grabbed the cup from your hands and placed it upside down on the saucer. She mumbled a few words, waited for a bit and then took the cup into her hands. She studied the contents of the cup for what seemed like hours, while she hummed and raised her eyebrows in surprise from time to time.

‘Well, well. This is an interesting cup, very interesting indeed,’ she said finally. You nodded in response, not sure what to say.

‘It’s a wolf,’ Sybill said matter-of-factly before turning the cup your way so you could see it for yourself. Even with a lot of imagination, you found it hard to see what the Divination professor was seeing. In your untrained eyes all the residue of the tea leaves looked the same. Like tea leaves.

‘I’m not sure…’ you started to say, but Sybill quickly took the cup back and started talking over you.

'Definitely a wolf. It’s a positive omen, my dear. It means overcoming enemies and misfortune or sorrow in life,’ she said while nodding.

‘And since it’s placed in the middle, it also means you’re helping others with their concerns. Making others feel at ease. Apparently you provide much comfort,’ she continued.

For a moment you were speechless. You did not believe in this kind of stuff. But this was very fitting. A wolf? Seriously? You stared into Sybill’s eyes as if you were trying to figure out if she was playing a trick on you. She must have seen you and Remus together and thought this was what you wanted to hear. There was no way this was legit. You were even a bit embarrassed you were so quick to believe it.

‘Well, thank you for the tea, Sybill. But I should go. I have quite some essays to grade,’ you said while hoping it wasn’t too obvious you wanted to get out of her office as quickly as possible.

‘Of course, dear. Take some time to think it over and if you need more advice, let me know,’ she said with a big smile. You thanked her again, not really sure what for and then left. It was weird but while you walked away, all you could think about was how hard Remus would laugh if you told him about this.

You walked to the staffroom. You always preferred to work in the library, but you feared you would run into Remus if you went there. Ever since your argument last night you hadn’t seen him. It hurt your heart to not talk to him, but in a twisted way it made sense. He had to realize he had to take care of himself and if you were preventing him from doing just that, it was better to keep your distance.

When you entered the staff room, you saw Minerva sitting in one of the chairs in front of the fire, reading a book. You quickly walked towards her and sat down in the chair next to her. As soon as she noticed you, Minerva slammed her book shut and looked at you with a cheeky smile.

‘I’ve heard you’ve been busy,’ she said. You looked at her with surprise in your eyes.

‘Not particularly, I only had two classes to teach today and then after dinner I went to drink a cup of tea with Sybill but it was an ambush and she insisted on reading my tea leaves and..’ you stopped talking when you saw Minerva shaking her head.

‘That’s not what I meant. Severus told me he saw you and Remus kiss,’ she said with a giggle. It was so weird to see Minerva this girly and giggly about something and you involuntarily smiled as well.

‘Severus is a creep. He sat in the dark in the Defence classroom waiting for Remus. We didn’t see him when we got in and..’ you didn’t finish your sentence, suddenly embarrassed.

‘Because you were obviously busy. I’m so happy for the two of you,’ Minerva answered. You just stared at the fire, hoping that she would change the subject but of course she didn’t.

‘Why do I get a feeling you’re not happy?’ she said after a short silence. You sighed and quickly explained what happened between you and Remus last night after Severus had left. You didn’t even hesitate. It felt good to talk about it to someone else and it had been bothering you the entire day. When you finished, Minerva looked at you with a frown between her brows.

‘So after finally admitting your feelings to one another you get into a fight because Remus tells you you make him feel better than ever?’

You quickly shook your head.

‘No, you don’t understand, Minnie. He’s being irresponsible. He needs to take his potion and I can’t be the one who prevents him from doing so. No, not even if he says I make him feel better than ever,’ you snapped back. She was acting like it was just that simple.

‘You’re scared. This is a commitment. What if he hurts you? What if you hurt him? But that’s the thing with love, my dear Y/N. It’s all about taking risks. And right now you’re not even giving it a fair chance. You’re just making up all of these different reasons why it won’t work out. That’s not exactly brave.’ For a while you just sat there. Minerva’s words weren’t nice to hear, but you knew they were true. In an attempt to protect yourself and Remus from getting hurt, you hurt the both of you.

‘Well, I’m a true Ravenclaw, I guess. Head full of knowledge but no courage to be found,’ you mumbled more to yourself than to anyone else.

‘Luckily one of you is a Gryffindor,’ Minerva said with a smile, after which she pointed to the door. Remus Lupin had just entered the staff room. As soon as you caught his eye, you looked away. This didn’t stop him from coming over to where you were sitting.

‘Y/N. Hey. I went to the library first and when you weren’t there I hoped to find you here. Can we talk?’ he quickly said. He was even brave enough to softly touch your arm, a true Gryffindor indeed.

‘Remus. Just the person we wanted to see. Can you hand over your watch please?’ Minerva said sternly before you could respond. And because it’s the only right thing to do when Minerva McGonnagal tells you to do something, Remus obeyed. Minerva took the watch from him and then handed it over to you.

‘See, Y/N is going to put an enchantment on your watch so it reminds you every night to take your potion. That way you won’t be able to forget,’ Minerva explained. You looked at her in surprise. Of course. This was so simple yet so effective. Somehow she had just come up with the perfect solution. You smiled and then grabbed your wand. It was a simple spell and you were done in the blink of an eye.

‘It will start ringing every night at eight and it won’t stop until you complete your task,’ you said after you were done. Remus gave you a smile.

‘Then I won’t postpone the task for too long, the ringing will probably get on my nerves,’ he answered.

‘Yeah, that’s the idea,’ you answered and you helped him put the watch back on.

‘Thank you, love,’ Remus said and then he grabbed your hand.

‘Do you want to go for a walk? I haven’t seen you all day,’ he then said and you nodded. You said goodbye to Minerva and then left the staff room with Remus.

And just like that, everything seemed perfectly normal again. Aside from the fact that you were now walking hand in hand with the Defence professor trying to stay calm but wanting nothing more than to kiss him again. And again. Oh how you hoped you would get to kiss him again soon.

To be continued…

tags: @turvi @carlito55ainzbae @spidermansolosurfav

#remus lupin x reader insert #remus lupin x fem!reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin #remus john lupin #remus lupin series #growing pains part nine

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nomsfaultau · 1 year ago

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This one's just for me y'all imma be real

This is a pointless character analysis essay of chapter 33 of Fault bc I realized I had a lot of thoughts that would be difficult to fully explore via the limited pov of the characters. Because frankly Tubbo lacks the emotional maturity to take a step back and see the fullness of the picture, especially as it’s their warped mental health that I wish to examine.

The angle I’ll be exploring is this: Tubbo neglects their injuries as an act of punitive self-harm born from guilt.

Cw: physical/emotional self-harm via neglect, examination of guilt, ableist logic, religious mention. Pure angst bby.

A few important details so this isn’t 100% incomprehensible:

Tubbo is a staunch pacifist.

Tubbo technically murdered an OC named Rosalind by adding her to their hive mind.

Tubbo lost their legs thanks to The Blade and is in massive amounts of pain that they cope with by ignoring it.

Tubbo is a flawed character and obviously has a lot of incorrect ideas that should not be conflated with the author’s. I'd particularly like to stress this on the 'disability as punishment' angle, as significant time will be spent dismantling that but not within this essay as this is strictly an identification of Tubbos' flawed mindset and not a discussion on fixing it.

The basis for chapter 33 is essentially a microcosm of Tubbos’ increasingly maladaptive responses to pain. Chiefly, repressing pain and verbally lashing out at Philza with arguable justification, culminating in contemplating destroying their hand (forcing Rhodes to stop them) before the group realizes their broken legs have healed incorrectly in an irreversible fashion. When writing, the original question was ‘why is Tubbo acting like this?’ with a succinct answer of ‘pain’. But when reviewing it I came to another question: why did Tubbo choose to cope with the pain by ignoring it? The original answer was in their history of dissociation and fear of being weak around dangerous people. But I think that’s only the part Tubbo is aware of because on re-examination I found it ran far deeper.

It all comes back to guilt. Surprise surprise a fic named Fault deals heavily with guilt. Essentially, Tubbo subconsciously views their legs being ripped apart as justice for Tubbo ripping Rosalind apart. The pain then is deserved. They choose to accept the pain and try to push past it even as it grows worse due to neglect. This results in Tubbo not taking the proper steps to heal, creating extreme medical complications.

A large contributing factor comes from the backgrounds of hive members in Tubbos’ system. Rhodes, a lawyer, acted for decades as the hand of the punitive system, which emphasizes punishment as the correct treatment to deter future crimes. And then with Rosalind’s Catholic upbringing (which is mostly implied, but that’s my authorial intent), there’s that good old religious guilt, particularly with the concept of misfortune being a divine retribution for sin. Combined, The Blade disabling Tubbo becomes an act of (the blood) god to punish Tubbo for their crime, which they must accept in order to ensure they don’t ever do it again. To properly take care of themselves would get in the way of their deserved damnation.

Which…obviously big yikes on many levels that hopefully I don't need to explain.

In the sense of a DID system which the hive mind resembles (in certain aspects), Tubbo takes on the role of the persecutor as a way to punish themselves for (arguably) murdering someone. They blame their self-loathing on Rosalind because on some level they recognize it to be a bad thing, but regard it as deserved if it’s from her, further fueling their guilt and justification of their self-harm. In actuality, their ‘penance’ is actively hurting the victim as well as themselves.

Additionally, commenter MossyWizard brought up dsmp!Tubbo’s self dehumanization. And I think there could very easily be a reading for that here. Fault!Tubbo has a problem of dehumanizing people. This can be partly attributed to the Foundation training that Rosalind had. Tubbo doesn’t have generalized dehumanization of anomalies, since they are one and that would include people they like (ie Tommy). Instead, it combines with their sense of morality and results in them dehumanizing people they deem ‘evil’ such as Philza or The Blade. Part of chapter 33 deals heavily with Tubbo refusing to acknowledge Philza’s personhood under the claim that he doesn’t experience empathy (abundantly untrue, and also empathy is not the marker of someone’s humanity nor their capacity for kindness).

An excerpt that I believe highlights a compounding issue in Tubbos’ philosophies: [“You’re filled with a lot of anger, Tubbo,” [Philza] said quietly. / “No. We’re not angry; we’re a nice person.” / …“Please don’t misunderstand me, I do not condemn anger.” / “Maybe you should.”]

Tubbo shies away from emotions deemed negative (anger, fear), twisting them into something they view as positive (righteousness). It’s possible Tubbo is terrified of acknowledging their anger because they heavily associate anger with Phil, given he’s a god of wrath. The logic line is thus 1. bad emotions = bad person and 2. bad person = not a person. Tubbo is then terrified of being a bad person while having to exist under their current morality framework.

Notably, Guilt is exempt from being deemed as a ‘bad’ emotion due to it being an aspect of empathy, which falls in line with Tubbos’ concept of empathy being a component of humanity. Tubbo (incorrectly) assumes that Philza and The Blade do not feel guilt, and so feeding their guilt becomes almost proof of them being good and thus still a person.

In conclusion, Tubbo has a lot to unpack before they can begin to heal. Motto of Fault really. Tldr; Tubbo neglects their health due to perceiving their injuries as deserved and wallows in guilt as a desperate response to maintain their perceived status as a good person (and thus a person at all). This gels rather nicely with Tommy’s perception of punishment, and it is this foil that will eventually pull Tubbo out of their spiral and have a healthier relationship with guilt, beginning their shift away from punitive to restorative justice. Thus concludes my TED talk. As you can tell the autism won today.

#Fault character analysis #sbi scp au #fault au #scp tubbo #the intersection of religion and the punitive system gave me thoughts #tw ableism #tw self destruction #tw self destructive behavior #tw self loathing #tw self harm #tw religion #tw religious guilt #dehumanisation tw #tw medical neglect #posts that make me wonder why im not an eglish major or smth #something to nom on

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anonymoushotsexyperson · 5 months ago

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This post on twitter PISSED me off and I can't stop thinking about how no one cares about their friends anymore! SOOO here's a blog post about it.

LIKE ALWAYS THE BIG BOLD PURPLE TEXT ACTS AS STAMPS TO BREAK THE READING UP INTO SMALLER SECTIONS TO ACCOMMODATE THOSE WITH SMALLER ATTENTION SPANS WHO ARE MORE INTRIGUED IN ONE PIECE OVER THE ENTIRE POST! ^-^

Reading everything is encouraged though!

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO CREATE THE LEVELS OF COMRADERY NEEDED TO OVER THROW THE GOVERNMENT IF YOU MOTHA FUCKAS CANT FIND THE SPACE TO TEXT YOUR FRIENDS BACK?? BESTIE BE SO FUCKING FORREAL!:

(THIS section is a little bit off topic from the rest but I can't HELP but mention it.) I think we should all start doing what the original poster did with our friends to be honest. We need to make space for our feelings and expectations in our friendship. Like learn how to fucking leave space for your community. I may have wrote about this before if not I will def be writing about it soon but the lack of community building and intimate friendship skills in gen z is so harmful in so many ways. Not only does it create this 'loneliness epidemic' ( if you're anything like me you've watched a million YouTube video essays on) but dude... DO YOU THINK ROSA PARKS JUST GOT ON THAT DAMN BUS HER DAMN SELF ON A RANDOM ASS DAY AND IT STARTED A REVOLUTION???? NO. They organized that! IT WAS AN ACTIVIST GROUP WHO DID IT AND PLANNED IT! How do you think black activism was able to prevail through the racist ass civil rights movement? COMMUNITY BUILDING AND GRASS ROOTS ORGANIZING AND GIRL LOOK AT THE STATE OF THE WORLD WE COULD USE THAT RIGHT NOW !

"SOMETIMES YOUR FRIEND IS DEPRESSED" IS AN EXPLANATION NOT EXCUSE (DONT SHARPEN ANY PITCHFORKS YET JUST LISTEN):

NOWWWW listen, I know we are all at our own pace with interpersonal relationships I get that, I can already hear the "Sometimes your friends can be depressed though so maybe YOU should consider that" crowd grabbing their pitchforks but, dude. Especially if you're an adult, you need to learn how to master these obstacles in certain situations. I know this sucks so bad and its unfair but your relationships are still half your responsibility hurting someone because you weren't mentally well still hurt them. I know this better than fucking anyone as someone who has borderline and had to come to terms with that myself. It's an annoying and unfair and hard truth but once you admit it to yourself you can become a better companion. We all have things going on but the people in your life deserve the respect of you at the least attempting to communicate on why you're not upholding the level of intimacy you have set for yourself with said person. Next section are two fairly easy skills to help manage your mental health but be a good friend. ALSO if you're doing the things in the next section with them and your friends still is an ass about it because they don't like the compromise you were able to give or whatever DO be mindful that the relationship is half their responsibility too. Friends should be able to leave space for their mentally ill friends (if they're being properly communicated to and their needs are also being taken into account) that can look like patience understanding and willingness to compromise or lending a helping hand or shoulder to cry on, meeting you where you're at. And if they can't do that after you extend that communication or compromise to them maybe you guys shouldn't be close friends who expect those things from one another or possibly not friends at all but thats up to you to choose!

A TIP FOR YOU DEPRESSED BITCHES :

( I use bitch and hoe as terms of endearment I love my depressed shawty baes)

You bad at communicating and you about to ghost all your friends? Well before you do or better yet when you're in a healthy state of mind tell them thats a problem you have and if its a friend you're really close to who might still need reassurance when you go ghost try to come up with some compromise like "I will still go ghost in the sense that I won't communicate but ill send memes I see to let you know your on my mind!" or "I will do a week/ monthly check in with you but thats all I have the energy for." (remember not to abuse these strategies though! throughout your journey of healthy confrontation you will learn how to discern between whether or not you are using them because you genuinely need them in that moment or if its because you are closing yourself away from the world a toxic amount and need to face your feelings around and with other people)

A TIP FOR YOU HOES OUT THERE WHO HAVE TROUBLE COMMUNICATING :

Muster up the strength to say or set up something like this maybe before you enter that state of mind while you're still in the good place! "hey I have a habit of doing ____ if i'm not in a good place. So when you text me I will text back this same funny meme or tiktok etc as a symbol to let you know i'm in I wanna die mode!" this is a way to communicate to your close friends that you're in a bad headspace at the moment and can't give much energy to the friendship without really having to say anything besides the first time you bring it up if you're uncomfortable all you have to do is send that meme or maybe emoji etc! (Make sure you aren't abusing this strategy to avoid working on your communication issues though because that can regress your communication abilities and friendships even further this is something you will learn and determine for yourself through trial and erorr)

Remember both of these sections are first steps but we also wanna work on being able to compromise SOMETIMES when we haven't left the bad place yet but I know many of you aren't ready for that. SO I won't scare y'all away.

OVERALL TAKE/ CLOSING STATEMENT:

Maybe you're someone who genuinely can't maintain close intimate friendships with sensitive people and maybe i'm wrong here and this might offend you but in most cases I believe thats not true. A lot of people are just scared of sensitivity and emotions. A lot of people are fed up with life and won't allow themselves to push passed their own imaginary limits to open up the can of worms that truly is making and maintaining intimate friendships.

The truth is a lot of us ARE sensitive, but we make ourselves smaller for all the people we love because "they have other stuff going on". I can't help but think if you agree with the qrt or had an 'its not that deep' reaction thats the qualities of being a bad friend (and its not your fault because within especially western individualist culture and patriarchal culture thats what we are taught to be but UNLEARN it).

Also I understand being traumatized by someone who was really sensitive and didn't know how to communicate and they became abusive, I also understand that having a sensitive friend again after that can be triggering. I'm so sorry that happened to you. BUT I hope you don't let your abuser take away this learning experience from you because healthy confrontation once learned is such a beautiful thing. ALSO healthy confrontation doesn't mean devoid of any emotion or things that make you uncomfortable don't expect people who are upset at you to shit sunshine and fart rainbows but its important to make sure you're NOT being verbally abused either. (I will make a post soon about healthy confrontation soon and what that looks like). Hey i'm not saying the original poster had the healthiest response either (im pretty sure the kms thing was meant to be a self deprecating joke not actual emotional manipulation keep that in mind) but it is a natural response to being hurt and more than likely the type of response you give after multiple offenses not just one thing. That is the behavior of someone who's felt ostracized for a while. I would not in any way shape or form consider it an abusive response though yeah it makes you uncomfortable, which circles me back around to the beginningof this. Stop making yourself smaller for the people you love, it's okay to make things uncomfortable by mentioning your feelings because they need to learn to be comfortable with talking about things.

If you continue to make yourself smaller for the people you love, one day you will look around you and you will see all the people you love, but you won't see the people who love you and... that? THAT is pain.

so reader, what do you think? Leave a comment even if you disagree! I genuinely wanna know.

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swamp-spirit · 2 years ago

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One of the shit things about ADHD is, eventually, in most long term relationships, you have to figure out how to explain ‘my brain only wants to do things that are interesting and fun‘ disease.

Because the automatic reaction is always going to be like... yeah. We’d all rather play video games than do our homework??? Grow up???

So here’s the thing that I think can be hard to understand:

You do want to do homework more than you want to play video games. That’s why you turn off the console and do your homework. The video game may be more fun, but you’d rather show up to class with the work done than show up to class empty handed having played another hour of Zelda.

But you know what? So do people with ADHD. They want to clean the bathroom and not have to feel shame every time they walk in. They want to do their taxes. They want to remember their anniversary and pay rent on time and write their essay. Having a steady job that gets you food and shelter, staying on top of good habits, and keeping up with daily responsibilities isn’t interesting or fun, but we want those things more than we always want life to be fun! That’s why so many people with ADHD take meds that make them do more unfun tasks! Knowing what you want and being unable to understand why you won’t just do it, why you keep making choices you know aren’t what you want, having to push through sludge to do simple tasks everybody else can do sucks! It really, really sucks!

Like... imagine you’re in a car. You’re supposed to meet your friends at a beach house a few hours away. The drive isn’t fun, but you get in your car and go. You show up tired, almost out of gas, but you rest a bit and have a great time.

Now imagine you’re in a car, same drive, same friends, and you realize the GPS reset to go to your favorite fast food place. Getting a milkshake sure sounds more fun than driving, but you’d give 1000 milkshakes to see your friends, so you put the beach back on your GPS.

The car stops. Is it broken? No, it’s moving again... because the GPS reset to the fast food place. Fuck.

You keep setting back the GPS, but every time you do, the car stops moving, and you don’t know why. So fuck it, you’ll walk.

And hour later, your legs hurt and you’re exhausted, and your friends are calling to ask why you ditched them and you’re sitting by the side of the highway trying not to cry.

That’s what ADHD feels like.

Sometimes it feels like showing up to every party three hours late and people tell you that maybe you shouldn’t bother coming. If you cared, you’d be on time.

Sometimes it feels like crying in a friends car, “sorry, sorry, you shouldn’t have to drive me again, I don’t get why I can’t just do it myself“ while your friend says “it’s okay, I know it’s hard for you, I love you“

Sometimes it feels like driving to get milkshake every day, because what’s the point of doing anything else? You always show up to late anyways, so why do you keep trying to walk places you aren’t wanted anymore?

Sometimes it feels like spending hours building a complex route of fun little shops that will lead you to the beach and crying with joy when you show up on time because you did it! You know it won’t work again, it never works again, but you showed up today and it didn’t hurt and you danced with your friends and that matters!

I think that’s what most people with ADHD really need you to understand.

It’s okay to be frustrated with a friend who always forgets your plans together, who doesn’t text when you’re away, who loses their temper easily or never takes out the trash or keeps fucking up their own life in ways that seem so preventable.

All I ask is please never tell me I don’t care. Please don’t tell me I would have remembered if I loved you enough (there is no date I haven’t forgotten, including every holiday and my own birthday). Please don’t tell me I would have done it if it mattered to me (I forget to take my morning medication that I’ve taken for almost a decade. The withdrawal is vomiting, shaking, delirious bad, but I forget.) Please don’t tell me how bad it is that I’ve failed again, because surely, if I understood, I’d fix it. (I sometimes forget to pay rent on time even when it costs money I don’t have.)

When I’m sitting on the side of the highway with blisters and sore calves and no water, you don’t have to drive me. You can tell me it hurts that I missed the party again, that you miss me, even that it hurts too much to invite me when you know I’ll stand you up again. But please don’t tell me how easy it would have been to be on time if I’d tried, if I’d cared. Please don’t tell yourself that you weren’t worth time, that I would have shown up if you were better, if you were worth caring about.

ADHD doesn’t care about how bad you want the destination. It only cares how much you’ll enjoy the ride.

#adhd #BIG FEELINGS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT #translation: I got very good news today and I'm scared

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quantumfrail · 2 months ago

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I could write a whole essay and maybe I should! But for now, NO IT'S NOT torture p*rn so please stop saying that. The writer/director wrote this when he was gravely depressed. The film is bleak, nihilistic and layered with social commentary.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD:

Who do you think the society was at the end? Just some random cultists? NO. The director showed their vehicles and attire for a REASON. They were RICH. There is a sociological point here as well as the very obvious psychological one.

Mademoiselle tells Anna that "martyrs see things that don't exist/aren't real" and YET she's part of this ring that continues hunting/stealing mostly WOMEN. She gives the reason for choosing girls/women in her speech and you can look that up online. Mademoiselle says the line but it doesn't register for her at all. It doesn't register for the others either because they desperately want to know what is life after death if anything. (There's also the critique of religious fervor and how belief systems can justify extreme acts of cruelty in the name of higher knowledge or salvation.)

Every person (again mostly girls/women) that these elites take and torture are done so "methodically" and slowly, broken down so that they can reach some nonexistent higher state and relate to those rich (who control for this entire operation in more than one country) that there is something after death. The idea is that the RICH care so much about what happens to them after they die that they do these wretched things to others (mostly the poor or lonely; easy targets) while not having the slightest guilt about how much they're HURTING others. This reflects real-world dynamics of power and control that the wealthy exert over the vulnerable. That's the crux.

It's not just torture p*rn and it never was, it never could be.

It's bleak. If you consider the social commentary reflecting current states of humanity (or most of human history in general), you'll sit with that hollow feeling until it fades. This emptiness can also pervade any time you pay close attention to real world events.

In the movie (open to interpretation), Mademoiselle discovers there isn't anything after death. She should have known that given her speech to Anna earlier but the light never turned on for her. Interestingly, she willingly turned off the lights as soon as it turned on. Much can be said for that as well. She resigns herself, partially undresses (nothing revealing; there is nothing sexual here), and gives a final word to "keep doubting." It's so utterly hopeless and selfish because she now knows/understands there isn't anything but instead of doing anything at all to change what she's helped bear immense responsibility for she takes the easy way out and the cycle continues. It wouldn't be surprising to think she didn't consider anyone she hurt, that her only concern was herself. The same can be said for the entire room of people waiting downstairs.

It is absolutely bleak and if you think it's just gore or horror, my god you have missed the point so completely that it wouldn't surprise me if you equally missed the point of Men 2022 and think it's an anti-men movie.

NONE of this had to happen. That the last martyr might have made one of the members (not the elite rich who don't get their hands directly dirty, but the lower elite who work for them...) do something about this if they cared, if there was humanity in a single one of them. It's curious to think this exact scenario might have already happened... Who was there before Mademoiselle and what happened to them? Who will come after her? Her final words "keep doubting" will make sure that it does and the grim reality is that she couldn't have stopped it anyway even if she wanted to. They're all too rich and powerful. IT WILL CONTINUE and it's all pointless because they will never gain what they're looking for.

Anna and Lucie and everyone else they broke down died for nothing - as is true any time the rich and powerful choose power over people. It's possible a scenario exists like this today. If not this exact one. There are plenty of horrible things ongoing specifically paid for and controlled by the rich.

The clips of Anna and Lucie playing at the end is all the more heartbreaking because they were children and found whatever happiness they could in each other. If not happiness, some comfort (and for Lucie - perhaps for the first time). Their entire lives could have been this way if not for the absolute inhumanity of others.

#martyrs 2008 #martyrs #nihilism #i'm so tired. I might rewrite this later.#men #men 2022 #horror #tragedy #sad #bleak #spoilers #need to proofread #might edit later #commentary

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oomisluvr · 2 years ago

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ALL THE NIGHTS WE USED TO LOVE (HOW IT USED TO WAS)

synopsis: every relationship is bound to have arguments. it doesn't mean you love each other any less. angst. hurt/comfort. swearing.

Song: Childs Play (feat. Chance the Rapper) - SZA

“You’re neglecting your responsibilities as a girlfriend.”

You slide your bluelight glasses from your face, pinching the bridge of your nose to smooth out the indents you’re sure they’ve left behind.

“Responsibilities?” You squint up at him from your place on the couch, eyes stinging from working on an essay the past four hours, “Like what? Cuddling? Back massages? A fucking handjob?

“Precisely all three of those things.” Though his height and overall demeanor allows him to loom over you, the facemask smoothed to his skin makes him look less than threatening, “Come to bed. It’s late.”

“Kiyoomi, it's barely eleven-o-clock.”

“Exactly,” He seethes, the facemask flopping a bit around his mouth, “I’m supposed to be in bed and asleep by ten-thirty!”

“Then get in the bed and go to sleep.” You snort, brushing him off and redirecting your attention to the unfinished google doc on your laptop. It sounds harsher than you intend, but you don’t have the emotional capacity to babysit his emotions right now. “I’ll be there in a bit.”

“You’ve been saying that for the past two hours.”

“And I already said sorry, alright?” You sigh, “Everything is just… a lot right now. Can you please just give me tonight to get this done?”

“No.” Something snaps in Kiyoomi, something ugly and childish stirring in his core. He reaches to shut your laptop closed, your fingers just barely making it out before being smushed.

Furious, you turn to him, “What the fuck!”

“I’m trying to have a conversation with you and you won’t even look at me.”

“What conversation? I already told you,” You fume, “What part of ‘I’m working’ don’t you understand?”

“You’re always working, though.” he spits, looming over you, “It’s like you’re not even here anymore!”

“I don’t complain when your job makes you disappear for months at a time,” you say, “I shut the fuck up and support you like a normal girlfriend does. Why can’t you do the same for me?”

“Watch it.” he damn near growls, and something about his tone has you standing to your feet to look him in his face.

“Or what, Kiyoomi?” you challenge, “Or fucking what? Are you threatening me now?”

“I fucking miss you!” He explodes, “Is that so bad? Is it so evil to want to spend time with my partner?”

“You think I want to do this shit? I don't! I get treated like a doormat every single day, Kiyoomi!” You’re screaming, hot emotions overwhelming you and bubbling out, “But I do it because I’m building a career for myself, a future!”

Kiyoomi goes as still as a statue, studying your expression with a cold calculation you’ve only ever seen him use on the court. Finally, he asks, “And what about us? Our future? Does that matter at all to you?”

“Are you kidding me? Is that a fucking joke?” You humorously laugh, “Are you giving me an ultimatum right now?”

He opens mouth to speak, but you raise your hand with alarming ease, dismissing him.

“Actually, save it.” You decide, marching to the coat rack by the door, “I don’t need this right now. I have a fucking paper to write.”

It’s only when you grab your purse does Kiyoomi understand your intention to leave.

“Y/N, please. I’m asking if this even matters to you.” His voice cracks when he speaks, watching you toss on a heavy coat, “Because it feels like I’m more invested than you sometimes.”

“That is not fair.” You whisper, hand frozen on the door handle, “That’s bullshit. After all the shit we’ve gone through? Hell, after all the shit you’ve put me through, you don’t get to stand there and say I don’t care.”

“Can you stop putting words in my mouth?” he says, “Fuck, I’m not saying that’s what’s happening, I’m saying that’s how I feel.”

You’re breathing hard, like you just ran a marathon. When you don’t respond, he continues, throwing himself down on the couch cushions.

“I feel like I’m… losing you; like you’re slipping through my fingers and there’s nothing I can do but watch. When was the last time we went on a fucking date? When was the last time we had a normal conversation without it blowing up like this?” He sighs, and you see the exhaustion in his eyes. You’re both tired.

“I just…” He trails off, the last of his anger fizzling into something raw and vulnerable, “I just miss you. That’s it. I miss you, Y/N. All I wanted was to fall asleep next to you. I didn’t mean to blow up on you. I’m sorry.”

His honestly stings worse than if he would have just let the argument escalate. Communication used to be such a struggle for the two of you, and sometimes those old habits come back. You’re both in the wrong, and the realization feels like a slap in the face. The words you used, your tone, your volume–that’s not how you speak to people you love.

And you do love Kiyoomi, despite everything.

“Don’t apologize when I’m the one who should be sorry.” You whisper, shrugging off your coat and hanging up your purse. You approach him on the sofa, shame heavy in your heart, “You were only trying to look out for me. It wasn’t fair of me to go off on you. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry, Kiyoomi.”

“Are we…” He starts, staring at you with bloodshot eyes. He looks scared. Vulnerable. You wonder how many people had abandoned his younger self, what buried emotions you unearthed, “Are we going to be okay?”

The question hangs in the air, unanswered. Relationships were so much fucking work. They were exhausting, and took a real effort to keep both parties happy.

But they’re worth it. Kiyoomi was worth it.

He’s been there for you, and you for him. He’s seen all your good and all your bad, and still loves you the same. The two of you have struggled hard to create careers for yourself, fighting tooth and nail for even a shred of recognition in your respective fields. It’s been hard on the both of you. And as bills stack and debts pile, it only gets harder.

You grit your teeth. It’s been tough, but the two of you are tougher. You’ve come so far. Love bends, but it won’t break. You won’t let it. It was you two against the world. Always will be. These petty fights would never change that.

Sometimes difficult to like, but always easy to love. He’s fully, wholly, entirely yours.

And you, his.

“Yes,” You say, and it’s not a lie, “We’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” He nods, eyes still glazed over with an emotion you don’t quite recognize, “We’ll be okay.”

Your hands find his, pulling him up from the couch, “Let’s go to bed.”

“No, it’s fine.” He deflects with a breathless chuckle, “I know you really need to finish this. I can survive one night alone.”

“I just need to add my sources by noon tomorrow. I’ll be fine.” You say, and Kiyoomi knows you both need this, “Let’s go to bed, baby.”

He caves, following you to the bedroom. He helps you with your skincare. You two will be okay. You both apologize a dozen more times to each other. Kiyoomi laughs when he realizes he’s had a facemask on that entire time. You two will be okay. You tell him you love him, and he says it back to you. He promises to take you out for lunch tomorrow.

You two will be okay.

#sakusa #kiyoomi #sakusa kiyoomi #kiyoomi sakusa #msby sakusa #sakusa x reader #msby #haikyuu #kiyoomi sakusa x reader #haikyuu sakusa #haikyuu fic #haikyu #haikyuu!!#angst

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everythingelseisextra · 1 year ago

Text

I decided I need to read some of your work, given you've been so kind and supportive of me. There's so much to choose from! I decided to start with your most recent work, but will be making my way through your masterlist slowly and steadily.

Firstly, I LOVE pre-war Tommy. It's when we get to see his earnestness, and you portrayed it wonderfully. The beginning had me strapped in to the scene, and I read this fic in a matter of like 10 minutes because I couldn't stop. It also made my heart drop to think of all he goes through and how much he changes from the war. You foreshadowed it very well and it hurt a little.

Here are my favorite parts:

"Then why did you make it?" she was quick to ask, the words coming out before she could think them over. I love an intelligent (y/n), and although your character is very sweet, I appreciate how you slipped in her smarts. It's not just anyone who can be in a relationship with Thomas Shelby

Tommy's promise of he and (Y/N) having the rest of the week to spend together didn't quite turn out the way either of them wanted to. Both barely spoke to each other or spent much time together as they practically threw themselves into their work to try to avoid the inevitable. Ugh. This hurt me to read. It's such a human response to avoid conflict and difficult situations. I tend to throw myself into writing tense scenes, but you did a great job making it seem less forced and more... instinctual, that they would seperate after such news.

(Y/N) couldn't bring herself to leave her bed. This made my heart drop, because I've been there so many times struggling to get out of bed, even without a hard situation like this. It really shows the reader character's strength.

"I love you, soldier," she breathed, smiling at him as she ran her hand down his cheek, feeling the softness of his skin one last time. "Stay safe for me," a somber smile graced her lips as she ended speaking. Her calling him soldier. Her telling him to stay safe. Her caressing his cheek. Literally all of it just hit different. Knowing what he's leaving for makes this so much harder.

Okay. Essay over. Sorry for the long reply, I just love this idea and got really into analysis and pointing out how damn good it is. I'm looking forward to reading more fics now that I've gotten my toes wet with this one. :)

At the Last Possible Minute | Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: yes by @acewritesfics

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: Shocked by Tommy's decision to go fight in France, (Y/N) holds all of her emotions in until the last possible minute.

Warnings: mentions of going to fight in war

Word Count: 3068

A/N: I’m sorry it took super long for me to write this, Ace, but here is the original idea that I had for the story that then became ‘The Good I’ll Do’. I used the prompt ‘what’s going on in that head of yours?’ from the list you shared ages ago … I guess this came in perfect time for your one year anniversary of your account - thank you for all of the amazing fics you’ve blessed us with. Enjoy! :)

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

Comment/Message Me if you’d like to be tagged in future stories similar to this one!

"I'm sorry I'm late, I...goodness, what's the occasion?" (Y/N) stopped her initial apology to comment on the number of people inhabiting the living room of the Shelby family's Watery Lane home. Almost every seat in the room was full, and if (Y/N) hadn't noticed their solemn expressions, she would have thought that there was a celebration happening. "Has something happened?" she asked, her brows furrowing together in confusion.

No one said anything outright, instead exchanging glances at one another. The silence was making (Y/N)'s heart rate quicken by the second. And then she saw Tommy. He was wearing an expression that she'd only seen a handful of times over the several years that she'd been friends with him, the last being when he told her of his mother's passing. Seeing it made her stomach drop.

"You should be the one to tell her, Tom," Arthur mumbled privately to his brother, but (Y/N) was able to hear him due to the quietness in the room.

"Tell me what?" she couldn't help but ask, her worry rising by the second.

Tommy looked at (Y/N), his mind reeling as he tried to think of a way to break the news to her. He watched her expression become even more dire with each second that passed. It was breaking his heart. After what felt like ages, he finally spoke: "come with me, (Y/N)," he said to her, extending his hand in her direction as he approached her.

"To where?" (Y/N) asked another question as she took his hand and allowed him to lead her to the stairs. "Tommy...what's going on?" she asked as they walked down the small hallway of the second floor, confusion now present in her words.

"I wanted to tell you in private," he began, opening the door to his bedroom and leading her over to the bed that sat tucked in the corner so that they could both sit on it.

"Tell me what?" she continued to try to pull answers out of him, hating that it was taking him so long to tell her what so clearly was serious news.

Tommy inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a moment as he tried to collect himself. He exhaled it slowly before he took her hands into his. "I love you, (Y/N)..."

(Y/N)'s heart dropped at the sound of his voice, and she immediately thought the worst. "What's going on, Tommy? Please stop beating around the bush and just tell me," she urged him. She figured that if he was going to break her heart, might as well rip off the bandage.

"Me brothers and I have signed up to fight in France," he told her, his eyes not straying from hers as he spoke.

(Y/N)'s mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to collect her thoughts. She was well aware that she probably looked like a fish out of water, gasping for breath, but she could care less. In a way it did feel like she was gasping for breath.

"Can you say something?" Tommy asked her after a few moments - that felt like decades - had passed, his voice filled with concern.

"I...I can't think of anything to say," she decided to state the obvious, her mind still reeling from his previous statement.

Tommy sighed as he looked to the opposite wall of the room. He didn't know what type of response he was expecting from (Y/N), but getting no sort of specific reaction outright was really messing with him. He loved her more than anyone in the world, and having her be at a loss of words made him want to question if he made the wrong choice in enlisting. It was too late now...their papers had been turned in, and they would be shipping out to France by the end of the week.

"When do you leave?" she broke the silence with a quiet question, her words making his eyes snap over to meet hers again.

"The end of the week," he answered her, watching intently for her response; hoping that she'd say more than a five word sentence.

It was (Y/N)'s turn to look away when his response hit her ears. To say her mind was reeling was an understatement. She couldn't even begin to think of something to say, and it pained her because she knew that Tommy was looking for her to put what was going on in her mind into words. The problem was that she had no words for it...there were no words to explain what she was feeling at the moment.

"You're going alongside John and Arthur?" she asked another question. Tommy opened his mouth to speak, but was unable to get a word out. "I'm sorry for asking all of these questions, Tommy, I just..." she cut into his response before trailing off and letting out a sound of exasperation, becoming slightly frustrated at the fact that she couldn't even think of a place to start with her thoughts.

"It's ok, (Y/N)," he told her, squeezing her hand that she'd just realized he was still holding, "this wasn't an easy decision to make."

"Then why did you make it?" she was quick to ask, the words coming out before she could think them over.

Tommy just about flinched at the pain that was present in her words. "Because we didn't want to have it made for us. They were going to draft us anyway. If we enlist, it's on our terms," he gave an explanation as to why they'd made the decision.

"You may not have gotten drafted this early though...we could have had more time together," (Y/N) pointed out, her voice becoming shakier with each word she said.

"We'll have more time together," he assured her.

"That can't be promised," she reminded him. There was never any certainty when it came to war...the both of them knew that.

"We'll have the rest of this week," he pointed out, trying to look on the bright side of things.

"Yeah," she agreed with him, trying to put a smile on her face. She was able to, but it quickly faltered, and Tommy said nothing but instead sent her a sympathetic look in response. He began to open his mouth to speak again, but was cut off by (Y/N) before he could get a word out. "Why don't I help you pack now? So that you're not overwhelmed with work as the time gets closer," she blurted out an idea, and immediately felt dumb for having suggested it. You're in the middle of a deep conversation...would he really want to get started on packing? Come on, (Y/N)! she yelled at herself, mentally facepalming. What a way to make things go from bad to worse!

Tommy searched her face for a moment, trying to pick up on any possible cues. (Y/N) held her breath as she watched him do this, hoping that he wouldn't want to continue prying into her thoughts on the news he'd given her. He finally nodded his head after a few moments passed. "Yeah, we can do that," he reluctantly added, finally dropping her hands from his hold.

An awkward silence entered the room as they stood from the bed to move over to where his wardrobe was. Nothing much else was said between the two as (Y/N) got the few outfits that Tommy owned out of his wardrobe and folded them so that they'd fit in the compact suitcase. Tommy didn't do much to help. He instead stood back and racked his brain as he watched (Y/N) go through the motions; trying to think of some way to continue the conversation they'd abruptly ended on the bed. Her answers weren't sitting right with him, it was obvious that she was hesitant about it all - who wouldn't be? - but he needed to know if she herself was ok. It was one thing to be upset about the situation, but another completely to be upset in general. He didn't want the latter for her.

But nothing else was said between the two for the entire time they spent in the bedroom. (Y/N) felt the weight lay heavy on her chest as she followed Tommy back downstairs. The living room had cleared out a bit, and sympathetic looks were given from those who stayed as the couple entered the room again. Everyone knew exactly what had happened in the room. Polly decided that she was going to get started on dinner, and (Y/N) agreed to stay around and join the family for the meal. The topic weighing on everyone's mind wasn't discussed for the remainder of the evening as each person tried hard to think of other things to speak about...the elephant in the room didn't go unnoticed though, you could see what each person was thinking about clearly from the look on their face.

This was going to be a long week.

——

Tommy was working hard to make sure that Polly had everything she needed in order to continue the family business when the brothers went away.

(Y/N) took up longer hours at the clothing shop she was hired at, knowing that spending too much time with Tommy and the rest of the Shelbys would make her heart hurt in ways that she wasn't ready for. It was hard not to think about what was awaiting them at the end of the week when they were together.

As much as they didn't want it to, the weekend finally came. Polly made the boys join her at church one last time so that she could pray for their safety and well-being. After that, she and Ada prepared one last meal for the family to have together before the brothers were due at the train station. One person's absence was duly noted though...(Y/N) hadn't showed up at the Watery Lane household despite Tommy inviting her over. His worry grew more and more as it got closer to the time he would be leaving, and he wondered if he'd be seeing his love before he got shipped off to hell.

(Y/N) couldn't bring herself to leave her bed. She knew what Tommy was doing today; knew that he wanted her to be there when it was time, but no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't get herself up and moving.

It wasn't until the clock struck four that she finally managed to bring herself to a sitting position. There was only one hour left until Tommy's train would leave the station. She didn't leave the bed though, and instead just stared at the clock on the wall as it ticked away slowly, taking away the minutes that she could be spending with her love. Why hadn't she left the bed yet?! Why couldn't she bring herself to?!

Something awakened inside of her when the clock struck 4:30. She threw the covers to the side and rushed to put some decent clothes on. Caring less if they looked orderly, or even matched, she grabbed a pair of shoes from the corner of her room before quickly working to make sure her hair looked decent. She didn't want to make it that obvious that she'd just rolled out of bed to run to the train station.

Thankfully the station was close to her family's home. She took off running the second her feet hit the pavement, and she didn't stop until the crowds of people saying goodbye to their loved ones came into view. Her chest started to hurt as she got closer to the station, and she wasn't sure if it was because she was getting closer to what she'd essentially been avoiding for the entire week, or if it was because she'd just sprinted over here.

She slowed down once she hit the edge of the crowd, and she began the process of slowly walking through the throngs of people and looking everywhere for the man she wanted to speak to one last time. It was a tedious process, but it proved successful the moment she spotted a dress she couldn't miss anywhere.

It was one that she made for Polly for her birthday a few years back; when she was just getting started with her career as a seamstress' apprentice. It was made of a darker, floral pattern, and as the years passed, (Y/N) told Polly several times that she didn't need to wear the outfit, but the older woman ignored her and continued wearing it.

To (Y/N)'s relief, Ada, Finn, and their three older brothers - who were now dressed in their uniforms - were standing beside Polly. She wasn't too late. "Tommy!" she called out, hoping that he'd hear her over the buzzing of the crowd as her feet quickly took her in his direction.

He did hear her though...he would hear her anywhere, and in a second, he was turning around to look in the direction of her voice. As much as (Y/N) wanted to freeze and marvel at how his hair looked now (he'd only wore it without it being styled a handful of times, no matter how much she pestered him and told him that it made him look even more irresistible) she resisted the urge and continued walking until she was able to hook her arms around his neck and hug him tightly. He responded to her embrace by holding onto her waist, feeling like a heavy weight had been lifted off of his shoulders now that he was able to see her before he left.

"Look at your hair, Tom," she whispered once she stepped out of the embrace, her hands going up to run through his locks, "I've told you that you look so good with it like this," she continued, smiling as she tried to keep her tears in and not address what was happening around them.

"I didn't do anything to it because we're going to get it cut when we reach the front," he told her, his response bringing her back to the reality of it all. Her smile faltered a little when she heard it, and her eyes searched over his face so that she could commit it to memory and be able to remember it as she went for days without him. "Hey...what's going on in that head of yours, love?" he asked her, bringing her out of her head and back into the world around them, looking at him properly to see that his eyes were locked onto hers as he waited intently for her answer.

"I..." she paused for a moment. Come on, (Y/N), you can't go back to this now! she yelled at herself as she stood with her mouth parted slightly, watching as the light left his eyes more with each second that passed. Say something! "I...I'm proud of you, Tommy. I'm proud of you and I'm proud of what you're doing," she finally got out, her eyes hooked onto his as she spoke. "And I'm sorry that it took me so many days to come to terms with that...I was just so scared at first of what was going to happen with us and with everything, but I'm so, so proud of you," she added, every word she said coming straight from her heart. The slightest smile formed on Tommy's face as he heard what she had to say.

"I love you, (Y/N)," he said to her before he pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers, kissing her with a passion that almost swept her off of her feet.

"Last call for the five o'clock train! Boarding will end shortly!" the ticket-taker announced as the couple broke away from each other, their chests heaving for air as they came down from the high they were just wrapped up in.

"That's me," Tommy whispered against her lips, his eyes searching hers.

"I will, love. I promise," he assured her, pulling her into a final hug before he brought his hands up to cup her cheeks and kiss her one last time.

(Y/N) wanted to hold onto him forever, but she knew she couldn't, and she slid her hands down his forearms before dropping them to her sides as they pulled away. She then took a step back then to fall in beside Polly, who immediately wrapped her arm around the younger woman's shoulders. "I love you," she mouthed to him, watching as he held eye contact for a moment longer before bending to pick up the duffel bags he'd be bringing with him.

He made his way over to the ticket-taker then, having his ticket punched just as the conductor called out 'all aboard' and blew the train's whistle.

(Y/N) watched him as he glanced over his shoulder one last time before ascending the stairs into the traincar and vanishing from sight. She swiped away the tears and held onto Polly tightly as everything was cleared from close by the tracks so that the train could embark on its journey to France. She tried to smile as the engine fired up and began pulling the cars, but it quickly faltered as all of her emotions came crashing down on her.

These next few days, weeks, months, were going to be tough, and she knew that there'd be no getting around that. She was happy, though, that she was able to see Tommy one last time before he left to fight, and that she was able to tell him how she felt...even if she waited until the last possible minute to do so.

Tagged: @mystcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @rangerelik @dandelionprints @letal-y-poetica @itscheybaby @gypsy-girl-08 @insanitybyanothername @depxiety @raincoffeeandfandoms @dragons-are-my-favorite @acewritesfics @forgottenpeakywriter @cljordan-imperium @areyenotfondofmelobster @little-diable @thomashelbyswife @iambored24601 @shaddixlife

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