#☆゚*・゚ tasks { i'll get shit done }
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#I struggled so hard today#and for no apparent fucking reason#I struggled with something at work that I've done for the first time while also constantly task switching#and I STILL NOTICED MY MISTAKE#but the fact that I made a mistake in the first place is fucking killing me#I feel like I will be executed for it#it makes my skin crawl#and to know that I'll have to go up to another human being who I respect deeply and be like hey I made a mistake please don't hate me#is the first fucking thing#BUT IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE#part of science is noticing your own mistakes so why is this so terrible to me#I know upbringing bla#yes I was raised to believe that among all other things I'm smart#and I have had this proven to me over and over and over growing up#so when I actually struggle with something I can no longer be smart therefore I am nothing#utterly worthless#and nobody even meant me any harm by telling me I was smart#this is such a STUPID FUCKING problem to have#uh I was told I'm smart#bitch what#yes being yelled at from 10 through 28 by my father for completely unpredictable reasons did not help with me thinking this is terrible#BUT STILL#get your shit together#see and even now I'm beating myself up for struggling with something#URGH#I just want peace and not existential dread whenever I make a mistake that is definitely my fault#personal#so and if you've actually made it till down here I'm giving you a big hug#we'll make it somehow
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i feel ill (thinking about secret life be nice to bdubs episode again)
#ok no cause I don't think I'll ever get over ethubs#what do you MEAN Etho out of his own free will decided to be nice to Bdubs as a cover task what do you MEAN he woke up and just wanted to#be super nice cause he knew it'd make Bdubs uncomfortable and shit what do you mean#ethubs#I'm like also thinking about last life I haven't done my monthly rewatch of last life yet maybe I should.....
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Kinda started rereading Dressrosa and... Although I always chalked up the similarities between Crocodile's plan to take over Alabasta and how Doflamingo took over Dressrosa as nothing but Oda reusing similar plot elements but in a slightly different way (just to show us what could've become of Alabasta had Croc gotten away with his schemes, what Luffy helped prevent from happening to begin with)...
Robin's reaction to hearing the story of Dressrosa and HOW Doflamingo took over the country, that simple little "...!!", actually does kind of speak volumes
Like if you wanted canonical evidence to Crocodile having been "inspired" by Doflamingo, then yeah, Robin would be The Person who would pick up on that, she'd be the person who'd be like "hey, that story sounds awfully familiar to what Crocodile did", since he was her boss
Do want to note that, timeline-wise, Doflamingo only took over Dressrosa 10 years ago, where as Crocodile had been Scheming and establishing his position as the Hero of Alabasta for 16 years. Like Croc's intent to obtain Pluton and create his military nation utopia absolutely pre-dates Doffy's takeover, so that wasn't and can't have been inspired by Doflamingo at all. It's more just the plan and method Crocodile ended up going with (framing the king (through a bloodbath) and putting the country in a position without a ruler where he could just yoink it for himself with ease) where the similarity becomes more obvious. But it is also kind of where it ends. Doflamingo wanted Dressrosa because he felt like he was entitled to the island (as his family had been its original rulers and he was a Tenryuubito), and was using the island for his own gains (Smile manufacturing etc, for his dealings with Kaidou), all while having a great distain and hatred of the world and how he had been "wronged" (=Tenryuubito rights revoked). Meanwhile... yeah, Crocodile wanted to create a "utopia", only targetting Alabasta because he believed Pluton was there and because Pluton would be needed for his ideal military nation. That minor difference and Crocodile's clear and great distain and hatred of Doflamingo combined...
Yeah, I dunno, this is just interesting to me. God I need Robin and Crocodile to have a lil reunion chat
#Moon posting#OP Meta#Coming to learn that the most import panels in One Piece are the ones where a character has a thought bubble going ''...''#Tabled at a convention on Saturday and I had nothing else to do while waiting for my train/on the train lmao#I've only read through Dressrosa twice so I have been craving to reread it for a while now (but I had been saving it up for con trips)#Dressrosa is so fucking good. Like I'll be first to admit I did not enjoy it when it was first unfolding in the early 2010s#But rereading it... It's good man. It's good#Dressrosa gets to much shit it doesn't deserve#Sidenote but yes people are quick to point out how Doffy's crew has DFs that're just more powerful versions of what Baroque Works had#I do not think Croc was recruiting people based on their Devil Fruits like that though. Like that I think really is just Oda reusing ideas#'Cause literally the only people in Baroque Works who Crocodile actually and specifically *needed* to do his thing were Robin (Poneglyph)#And Bon-chan to impersonate Cobra (and thinking about it Galdino+Marianne could've been like a Back Up)#(Like had something happened to Bon-chan then 3 Pair could've created a wax replica of Cobra to frame him for the port attack)#All the other tasks? Could've been done by literally anyone (as long as they were competent enough)#(Maybe Miss Merry Christmas was required for Cobra's kidnapping though considdering how fast she could haul ass etc)
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tumblr has the amazing ability to destroy your semi-good mood by putting an infographic about executive dysfunction that hits so hard you're suddenly reminded of how much life is about to fucking suck irreversibly.
#i'm so scared to move out on my own even with meds doing necessary tasks is hard I feel so incompetent#only three hours of driving on my learner's permit#still suck at cooking/inconsistent scheduling in doing laundry/showering#its pathetic but if I don't have like a parental figure to remind over me I feel like I would get nothing done ever#vent post#and like this shit is so embarrassing i'm nearly fucking 17 and I dont even know where I wanna go to college#and even if I get there i'll probably fail bc I won't be able to wake up on time without someone waking me up manually#everything is like this btw even the stuff I want to do and it's so deeply humiliating to even admit it#and nothing ever helps for long
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well it only took me 6 months and nearly 10 days but i am officially Done With A Task and now i'll be able to vote in the upcoming US election.
reminder to make sure you get your shit in before your state's deadlines so your vote gets counted, and don't put it off any longer if you can help it
#this post brought to you by#i mean i kind of just said didn't i?#task completion in order to vote properly#today has been a whole ass day and it's probably been the least stressful day this week so far#(hope springs eternal)#this task getting done is so good and will take a huge major stressor off my plate and i no longer will need to think about it#if only my grandmother hadn't complicated matters just slightly with a very very kind gesture that makes certain things a little tricky#well. it's all shit that needed to get done anyway might as well make the impetus to getting it done unavoidable#christ almighty can we just. five minutes. five minutes of break ANY TIME NOW#preferably longer but i know better than to ask more of the universe#the bitch already isn't sure what to do with me and frankly i'm not quite sure what to do with it either#but we gotta try so i'll just ask for a reasonable amount of break please#no fucking monkey paws this time i don't think the household can handle that#hhhhhh
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we're doing these workshop things to try to address some of the equity/workflow/workload problems in our department and our facilitator wants everyone to email her "the problem [we'd] like to solve in [our] large team" and how do i politely say i just want people to do their fucking jobs
#personal#i'm fed UP i'm FED UPPPPPP#with this one particular coworker rn#but there are several who are guilty of this shit#but this one guy#asked me to get a spanish version of a doc reprinted#i told him it hadn't been updated and to pull over the list of changes into that task (which he should have already done)#he just goes 'can't we send it to our usual translator?'#me: yes but i NEED A LIST OF THE CHANGES. you can just HIGHLIGHT THEM IN THE PDF. just DO YOUR JOB and GIVE ME THE CHANGES#he gives me a highlighted pdf and i'm looking at it before i send it for translation#AND HE USED THE WRONG FREAKING PDF#IT'S NOT THE MOST RECENT VERSION#IT'S NOT THE CORRECT DOC WITH THE MOST UPDATED COPY#the correct doc is IN OUR PROJECT MANAGEMENT SOFTWARE.#i deleted the incorrect version when i added the correct one so I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE PULLED THE INCORRECT ONE FROM#i want to scream#i'm SICK and TIRED of him doing the BARE MINIMUM and then DOING IT WRONG#EVERY SINGLE TIME#it's not MY job to make sure he does HIS job correctly. or AT ALL. oh my GOD i'm sick of it#(i made the changes in the english ver. so i know what's needed. it's like four minor things total.)#(i could absolutely do this myself and it would've been done already. but i'm trying to get him to DO HIS JOB.)#(instead of me just DOING HIS JOB FOR HIM every time bc then he'll never learn)#(but i am so FED UP WITH THIS. i have other shit to do.)#anyway i'm feeling ragey right now i'll delete this later probably
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finally did my goddamn dishes. and that wasn't all i managed to do today. fuck yeah.
had a meeting for thesis prep. bmv trip. rough plan for friday's discussion lecture. cooked dinner for the first time in like 3 weeks. read ~50 pages of academic text for 2 classes and a paper revision.
feels like i didn't do enough but. considering that yesterday i managed... going to classes and nothing else! and monday i was only capable of doing the required meetings i had, this is a pretty good day!
#it's been. a tough few weeks. i couldn't focus at all last week. only got work done on the weekend. yesterday was........ tough.#monday wasn't as rough but was equally exhausting#so! proud of myself that i got. stuff done. big stuff even!#started keeping a task/reward journal to help out too :)#so every night i'll write out some tasks that need to get done the next day#and as i finish them i check them off and give myself silly little stickers to track what i managed!#so i get like. 1 sticker per 10 pages read (bc i usually need a break every 10 or so pages rn) 1 sticker in a diff color for chores.#1 for teaching stuff (laying out a lecture plan/finishing the lecture/doing a dry run/doing the lecture) 1 for meetings etc etc#it's helping bc i have a dumbass brain that doesn't give me dopamine for completing tasks anymore#it all gets lumped into 'yeah i did the bare minimum bc that's what i need to do. that's not special-#-no reward for you! you didn't really *do* anything. just scraped bare minimum!'#turns out that's bad for you lmao to get No Rewards#so i have a journal now! so i have hard proof that shows that i've Done Shit.#and i think the last two weeks i've been 1. underfed 2. overtired and 3. on the verge of burnout#so i haven't been able to do much. but a major stressor is gone now! (the bmv trip...)#and it like. immediately lifted a veil from my brain. 0-60 in like 40 minutes flat.#i hadn't realized how stressed about that i'd even been. it was taking up so much of my brain's metaphorical CPU.#so i'm hoping tomorrow i'll be able to do what i was doing two weeks ago. just plugging along at my usual pace#instead of just barely dragging my carcass forward#so! anyway. update that was unasked for but you sure are getting#i fuckin did stuff today! fuck yeah!#it is now an hour past my bedtime i'm gonna crash tf out. bedtime. sleepytime. good night
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i have so much i need to get done today godddddddd
#send help#i gotta do all this job application related shit today and then im tasked for a few things for this weekend for mania week stuff#i can push one thing for tomorrow but pretty much everything else needs to be done today while i have a good computer access ugh#im so tired i dont wanna i just wanna write#cause ofc when i finally get my groove back with that im punched in the face with everything else that demands attention#also annoyed at chris for only selling some shirts in the us shows and not actually in the dbru drop cause ofc i cant have nice things#and im still having other issues with myself on top of being dead tired so like#yeah life isnt fun. i'll hopefully manage for now but jfc#anyways the point of this was please send me distractions so i can take breaks in between working on everything before i lose my mind#night is an absolute mess on main
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oh im actually going to kill someone literally the first thing i thought was that the files must be transcribed weird. I WAS FUCKING RIGHT WHY IS IT TRANSCODING SHIT IN REAL TIME AT THE ABSOLUTE MAX POSSIBLE FUCK OFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!! THAT SETTING WAS OFF!! omg is it the files i got or something i thought they were fine. i feel like an insane person rn why is all my shit changed. if u literally told me someone broke in and changed a bunch of small things to make my setup work badly i would believe you because what the actual fuck. i was gonna say i need to listen to myself but i fixed like 3 other problems by not fixing what is probably the main fucking issue and itll be faster than before now but holy shit holy fucking shit oh my god
#WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#pain and suffering and pain and suffering and pain etc#replacing these files asap i fucking knew it :/ i will have to go into the server settings and verify that nothing else is fucked up first#cuz idfk why its even doing that??? it should never do that???#converting the files remotely for now because im not dealing with that shit tn#<- i always say that and then keep working on it though :/#is that a regulation thing why do i do that. like when ur definitely not gonna go for a walk ur just gonna put ur coat on and stand outside#haha oh thank god i dont need to deal with that rn. *calms down* okay let me deal with it right now#mentally i am already not doing and done with the task simultaneously this is the only way to do the task#i should revisit the mastery section of my dbt skills i think#context i feel confident in my ability to fix tech problems i know it just requires persistence . so its easy to recover and jump back in#even though tech issues get on my nerves very fucking quickly. i can use little mind tricks like that to regulate w/o thinking about it#but i struggle to do that when i lack mastery. the outcome isnt assured so it's harder to not get stuck on details and give up#i think so anyway idk maybe im thinking about it too deep. i'll go over it again anyway though now that i'm looking at it#ive been trying to catch when im doing stuff like that more often because i know i have a LOT of tricks like that that feel intrinsic to me#i dont think about them its just how i function. so its invisible to me unless i tune in#i was thinking about that yesterday when i was smoking bc i realized a huge part of socializing for me is overthinking...#but its literally necessary? i am SO prone to saying the exact wrong hurtful thing. if i didnt turn things over in my head before i spoke#i would hurt people a lot and not on purpose. i catch myself at least once a day and think jesus god i'm glad i didn't say that#that gets misconstrued as social anxiety when its like no i LITERALLY just need to do it unless you want me to say very hurtful things#i think most people do not need to do that..? like i cant just Be Myself that bitch is a hugeeeeeee cuntttttttttt lol#and still a lot of stuff gets past because i dont realize the implications of what im saying...#thats why i cant fucking stand people who dont say anything when theyre hurt or just expect you to realize without expressing it#maybe they're scared of confrontation but i dont need people around me if theyre just passively miscontruing me as a careless asshole#i am an asshole! but i care! i try not to be one like really hard i swear to god#if you cant speak up when you are hurt you should not expect anyone to hear you thats how i feel#okay my file are done bai#z
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the struggles of today proved to me that i might indeed be a little mentally unwell
#not enough to go to therapy but at least now i know what i should work on#correct me if i'm wrong but most people probably don't start to feel suicidal if there's like. a problem at work#i've been asked to support the back office and help with managing cases which is okay i guess. but i'm not a support team person so#i don't know how to do a lot of things despite using the learning resources provided by the workplace#and this one case i'm handling was rather easy on the surface. no info in sys so parcel can't move forward. ask origin to release data. eas#but then origin says that they can't because they get an error message when putting in receiver's acc number. ruh roh#if origin can't release data no one can. i've asked them to handle it with IT but had no response. in the meantime the other involved CS#started getting involved and now a production in a factory is stopped. and i know it's not my fault but i could've done better#acted faster. thought smarter. and i hate this kind of responsibility. and that i care too much#i've cried so much today i'm so tired. from the stress of this task i've been given and because of the IT issues popping in all the time no#i logged into work 45 minutes late because the VPN i've been using shit itself and i had to get a backup one#i should've gotten it installed ages ago but nooo let's do that laterrrrr you definitely won't regret that#i hate having to put up with this bitch (me) .#another thing is. it's currently summer vacation season so i'll have to brace myself for more support work to come. it's probably gonna go#just as bad if not worse. i'm so not cut out for this. i'll have to ask my boss if he can move me to a different service#so i can have an excuse like sorry i can't help i'm no longer associated with tnt~#but that's gonna have to wait until he;s back from his vacation in august . oh well#also all this stress might result in me getting something akin to an ED#my stress response other than crying and shaking is not feeling hunger. i ate something substantial at 5pm and had breakfast at 6am#between that i had two small pieces of candy and water#i'm already bad at feeding myself or at the very least eating nutritious food . this could make me worse#“oh but kav everyone makes mistakes and it's important to learn from them! keep fighting!” bitch i don't want to i didn't sign up for this#if i wanted to work for Support Team i'd have applied there. i did not wish to get involved with them and their work#sorry i needed to get this out of my system. i'll probably complain to some irls too but i might be able to do that without crying now#laments#<- i think this is going to be my vent tag
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Need to learn to sharpen knives or I'll never be able to take care of myself
Like I know the steps, but somehow I just do them wrong, and even following in person instructions from people who know what they're doing... never managed it
(You ever notice how often even really competent people seem to wind up randomly incompetent for no reason, like my uncle who fucking hunts and has used knifes pretty much all his life and gave me a sharpening stone... suddenly seemingly not knowing how to sharpen knives and like... I don't get how he just... suddenly seemed confused and like he didn't know it despite the fact I know he knows how to do it... and it's not like I think he was trying to pull something over on me... anyway...)
Like, if I can't sharpen knives I can't cook, cause I need a sharp knife to feel safe cooking. I'm not spending a ton of money when what I need is a life long skill, not another knife... all my knives would be good, they just need to be sharp
So I don't know... another skill I really need to pick up by May
#this is why I think new years resolutions are stupid; why would I resolve to do something on new years?#I came to realize that there's a lot I need to have ready by May; so that just means I now need to have it ready by May#there's no resolution; there's just a requirement#and there's no need for new years; unless that was the day I realize a requirement why wouldn't I just say it on the day I need it#there's no prize for doing a new years resolution; so there's no point#there's only tasks I realize I need to do; and my fight against being a useless lazy stupid worthless monstrosity so I can get things done#tasks come up and I resolve to do them#but it's not something that's some little... ornamental game I hang on the wall#it's just become a thing I'll do; and somehow despite being a useless failure I have no choice but to do it now that I've decided#kinda like how I got the house... just... decided I was gonna get a house; so I didn't stop till I had one#and that's not some kind of magical self made millionaire type bullshit talk#and it's not 'the secret' type slop#I just had resources; I refused to stop looking at options since none were good yet; and I leveraged what I had when the time came#and here it's like the trailer... I will just throw myself against the problem till I somehow solve it in spite of not being capable of it#and if I break then I just keep going as if I'm not and that's how it goes#no more rest or days off or whatever unless it impairs my ability to do more long term#and it's not like I do any real work so like... who needs days off when I'm just fucking around for a couple hours#moving boxes like it makes a difference#don't need a positive attitude either cause if I waited for that I'd never get anything done#might not be healthy to call myself trash; but that's just what I see and I got shit to do and it's not like it matters if I do or don't#not like anyone would stop me anyway; proof is in the fact it's not like anyone is gonna stop me anyway#so I will take a malicious view of myself and my capabilities; and then I'll do it anyway and feel nothing about it#won't even consider it an achievement; that's just descriptive; that's what happens with the trailer#no one was proud and it meant nothing; grandma was mad at me; none of it matter but it was one less bill#and this will be a cleaner house and... let's be honest; person I'm cleaning it for probably won't want to come#even after we meet face to face... just got a feeling... don't think they read the tags so I'll be honest that while...#while I believe them that they like me and we're friends; boy does it feel like I just annoy them and they can't stand me most of the time#doesn't matter; I need a cleaner house no matter what; just saying I know I'll feel no joy or pride and neither will anyone else for me#should blow my worthless brains out; but good to clean shit first so next person has less work to do#I'm not up to any task but... got no choice; shit's gotta get done to stand a chance of helping out people I like... not that they want it
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I NEED waitress!reader accidentally letting it slip that she’s got a date after her shift and so when bartender!simon overhears, he suddenly has a list of things she needs to do after work, causing her get to stay late ))): missing her date ))):
ANGST TIME
He's been watching you like a hawk for the past two hours - and rightfully so. You've been rushing through your tasks, rolling more than enough silverware, keeping your tables happy and stocked - you somehow managed to convince Soap to mop front of house for you. He doesn't like it. Why are you trying to get away?
"Got a date tonight." You tell him, skimming through your receipts as you sit at the bar and calculate your tips. You're not off the clock yet - you still have thirty minutes left. But the restaurant's empty, and all your tasks are done. Your makeup is a little nicer today, softer and less "morning after a deftones concert".
Simon's thankful for the mask, or else his frown would be impossible to miss. Is he dumb? Haven't you been flirting with him all week? Was this another one of your games, pretending to act innocent and coy, messing with him, then announcing you're going out with someone else?!
He feels his shoulders tensing as he watches you tap away at your phone's calculator. He shouldn't be so bothered by this - some things just need to be let go. But he can't. He wants to keep you in his back pocket, or in an empty whiskey bottle on his liquor shelf - not the one behind the bar, but the personal collection in his room on the third floor.
"That's nice," he grumbles, slicing through a lime. "Jus' make sure you finish your chores 'fore you head out."
"Already did!" You chirp at him with a smile. "Just need to do my tips, and I'll be done."
"Did ya clean the ice bins?" He asks.
You furrow your brow. "Huh?"
He jerks his head to the whiteboard on the wine fridge - sure enough, your name is scribbled in, right next to "drain and wash/sanitize ice bins + buckets", along with today's date.
You look back at Simon, your expression now crestfallen. Your date is in an hour, and you still have twenty minutes on your shift. "Don't you usually do it?"
Truthfully, he does. He could do it today, in fact. But his brain is acting on thoughts before he has the chance to consider the consequences. "Can't today, luv. Preppin' for a bigger crowd tomorrow."
Your shoulders slump. "How long does it take?"
"Well, you got to turn 'em off - one by one, I can't have two empty ice bins durin' a shift - then ya dump the ice, wait for 'em to warm up, then ya go in there with soap n' a rag, rinse 'em out, then-"
"God, can this please wait until tomorrow? I'll come in early and do it, I promise."
He looks at you sternly, and you suddenly feel ashamed for asking. "Wot, so I can pay you overtime?"
"Simon, please - if you do them, I'll give you half my tips for today."
"Now y' dumpin' your work on me?"
"I've got a date!"
"I've got my own shit too!"
You snap your mouth shut. He's never been this stern with you, but you know it's well deserved. It's your chore, after all. You'd been wrong to assume he would do it himself, despite that being the usual. You quickly hop out of the barstool and make your way behind the bar, unplugging the first icebin.
Simon watches as you scurry around, running to and from the ice bin into the kitchen, filling up bucket after bucket of ice and dumping it into the sink in the back. You pace as the machine warms up, glancing at your phone every few minutes, then touching the inside of the ice maker to check the temperature. After a few minutes, you're scrubbing the machine as fast as you can with a soapy rag and a bucket of sanitizer eater next to you.
Twenty minutes have gone by. You're supposed to be on your way to your date, but you're biting your lip, staring angrily at the ice machine as it cools down again. You need to wait for it to be cold before you refill it with ice, and only then can you start on the other machine.
You make another attempt towards Simon. "If I just do one tonight and do the other in the morning-"
"No." Simon snaps, his eyes angry as he drops a container of sliced fruit onto the bar. "This is part of havin' a job."
You look away from him, tears stinging your eyes now. You're so frustrated you want to snap back at him - but he's right, isn't he? Maybe you could ask him if you could just call Max and let him know you'll be running late - but the thought of asking Simon for anything right now (other than more chores) makes you queasy.
Simon doesn't know where the anger came from, but it's still simmering. He watches as you continue to run back and forth, filling up the old ice bin, unplugging the second one, dumping the ice in the back... he's refilling the bloody Mary mix and restocking the bitters. Simple things. He's got nothing to do after this besides go up to his flat and sit in front of the telly, or maybe chat with Soap before he heads home. Why didn't he just do it? Because you had a date, and that was a problem for him. Why? Now you're upset, and it's that knowledge that makes him finally feel the shame that he'd been swallowing down.
You finish dumping the last bucket of ice into the second machine. It's forty minutes after your shift ended. You still have to get to the restaurant you and Max were meeting at, which is a twenty minute walk. You were supposed to be there ten minutes early - now you're going to be an hour late. Frustration mingles with anxiety and burns in the forefront of your mind. But you can't be mad. You should've done your job.
Simon doesn't say anything when you run to the back, your phone pressed to your ear and tears in your eyes. You barely manage a wave to Soap as you grab your bag and jacket and flounder back into the restaraunt. You don't look at Simon.
"I'm leaving now, I'm so sorry- I had to finish up at work and it too longer than I-" you slowed to a walk, then a stop, standing in the middle of the floor. Simon was frozen, watching your shoulders shake.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I had-... it's not an excuse, I promise I'm-... listen, we can go for a walk or something, right? Or go get fast food, someplace still open, just you and me, and we can try again another-"
His eyes burn in his skull as he watches you stand there for a few more seconds, staring at your phone as the call disappears from the screen. He wants to say something - but what can he say? He's already fucked you over. And he doesn't feel any better than when he first discovered your little date. He feels worse.
You stuff your phone in your back pocket, unable to hide the single, choked sob that escapes your throat. You shoulder your bag and stomp your way out of the restaurant, door clanging behind you. Your bike is still in the alley out back, and your unfinished tips are still on the bartop. He wouldn't be surprised if you never come back to collect them.
Soap emerges from the kitchen breaking Simon from his thoughts and wiping his hands on a rag. "Real feckin' kind of ye, Ghost. Never seen such a right cunt." He glares at Simon, before slapping the rag on the table and heading back into the kitchen. His shift was over, too.
Simon has three more hours left to deal with himself before the bar closes.
#bartender ghost#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon riley#ghost#ghost x reader#ghost x you#cod#ghost cod#call of duty#cod x reader
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yeah so my husband— my husband?!
includes : lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub, and belphegor.
summary : calling him your "husband" (even though you two aren't married yet) to see his reaction.
warnings : gn! reader. mention of marriage. suggestive (in asmodeus'). the word 'husband' will begin to look strange bc it's used so much, apologies.
LUCIFER
You just meant for it to be a harmless little prank, something to tease Lucifer with later when you two were alone, perhaps gauge his reaction to the idea, but after you said 'yeah, so my husband...' Diavolo's eyes grew as wide as the moon and you instantly regretted your prank idea.
Diavolo clasped a hand on Lucifer's shoulder, beaming. "You finally asked!" This statement went over your head as you tried to quickly take back your words, Lucifer's blanched face making it clear he'll definitely be scolding you later. "But it seems I missed the wedding? Oh well, I'll just host you another wedding so I can see it for myself!"
"Ah, L- Lord Diavolo..." Lucifer sends you a glare as you smile sheepishly. "We aren't- I haven't-"
"How do you both feel about a chocolate fountain?" Diavolo is already off in his own little world, imagining how he'll plan out your wedding. Lucifer decides he'll inform Barbatos of the prank, and have Barbatos deal with it- Lucifer already has his hands full with you. He pulls you aside as Diavolo talks to himself.
"Do you see what you've done?"
"Sorry..." You fake pout, batting your lashes up at him. "My darling husband will surely fix it though, right?" Oh, how can he stay mad when he truly likes the title so much. Perhaps this will make asking you to marry him easier? You surely seem to enjoy the title just as much.
MAMMON
Mammon is always trying to listen in on your phone calls, he's nosy and likes to know all the gossip. Today in particular though, he's trying extra hard to hear, clinging to you and making you unable to do other tasks whilst on your call.
Deciding to tease him a little, in hopes of getting him off of you, you sigh dramatically into the receiver. "I'm sorry, my husband needs my attention, one second."
And when you look down at him, his eyes are wide and shiny, a blush quickly forming on his cheeks. Him? Were you talking about him? He's your husband? A giant grin takes over his features and it seems your little prank has the opposite effect you wanted, as he takes the phone from you.
"Yeah, sorry, their husband- that's me!- needs 'em!" He boasts proudly before hanging up the call and clutching on to you tighter, burying his face into your side, his grin not changing in the slightest.
You sigh, running your fingers through his hair. "Rude, I was trying to talk to someone, you know." Mammon shrugs, not a care in the world.
"'m your husband, I take priority."
"You know you're not officially my husband yet, right?" Shit, you're right. Well, that'll change soon, don't you worry one bit! Mammon knows how to take a hint, and there'll be a ring on that finger soon enough!
LEVIATHAN
You and Levi were playing an online game, chat on full blast, when you decide to tease him- because it's just so fun to see his flustered expression, and you have an inkling that this'll give him some motivation for the game. "Ah, hubby, can you help me with these guys!"
"H- Hubby!?" Leviathan's neck nearly breaks from how quickly he snaps to look over at you, you seem unphased though by the phrase- as if it came so naturally. His heart skips a beat, his grip on the controller tightening. "W- Where are you, I'll come help!"
His gaming friends are all blowing up the chat box, some getting on voice chat just to ask what that meant- 'was Levi actually married?,' 'He was a husband?,' 'Since when!?,' 'Congratulations!,' etc.
Levi would have gotten more flustered, had he been paying any attention to said friends, but he's much more focused on proving he'd make an excellent spouse by rushing to where you were in the map and one-shotting all the enemies that surrounded you.
The battle is quickly won thanks to Levi, who puffs out his chest with pride. You lean over from your gaming station adjacent of his, and press a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, hubby~" His cheeks grow a rosy pink, and he pulls his headphones off to give you a serious look.
"Let's get married."
SATAN
"Oh husband~" You call, "Can you help me get this book? I can't reach!" Satan peaks his head from around the corner to give you a questioning look. Who were you calling husband? He watches you struggle, leaning his frame against the door with his arms crossed over his chest.
"I don't remember proposing." Satan watches as you deflates from his lack of reaction to your prank. He sighs, walking over to you and helping you reach the book, tapping it on your head lightly before handing it over to you.
"You're no fun, you know that?"
Satan has a feeling this was definitely set up by one of his brothers, and he'll definitely be getting his revenge on them for making you do this (and for making his heart hammer against his ribcage uncontrollably). Still, he hates to see you upset in the least, so he lifts your chin with his finger and thumb and sends you that smile that sends shivers down your spine.
"Don't be upset, you'll get to call me husband soon, okay?"
And he truly did mean that, he already had a ring, which sat heavy in his pocket. He just wanted to make sure you had the most perfect proposal, something straight out of a romance novel- because that's what you deserve. Soon, soon you'll be able to lovingly call him 'husband' whenever you wish.
ASMODEUS
Asmo is live-streaming again, doing a little grwm-type video, with you off to the side/in the background. As he begins to do his skin care, he asks for you to take over and chat for a little while for him, so you peak your head into view and wave at his viewers.
"Hello everyone!" You smile, glancing back at Asmo who's behind you in the bathroom, doing his skincare. "My lovely husband is doing his skincare right now, it usually takes him about ten to fifteen minutes to complete it." You say, however you can see his head pop-up from the sink and he whips around to look at you.
"Husband?" He calls, and when you nod, confirming your words, he grins. "Oh my, is this a proposal?" He asks with a teasing lilt, and you joking go along with his words, nodding before reenacting the famous getting-down-on-one-knee. You open your hands as if you had a ring box, presenting it to him. He holds his hand out to you, "I do~" You pretend to slip a ring on to his finger and he admires the imaginary ring before leaning down to kiss you.
"Now," He pulls away, wiggling his brows. "Shall we get started on the honeymoon part?"
"Asmo, that's typically after the weddi-" Asmo reaches for his phone, waving and saying a little 'byeeee' to his followers as he ends the livestream with a giggle, throwing you a lil' mischievous smile.
"No harm in starting earlier, right?" And despite only being halfway through his skincare, and this not being a real proposal, the honeymoon was very nice indeed- he can't wait for the real one though.
BEELZEBUB
You had seen the trend, and wondered how Beelzebub would react. So, under the guise of trying some new food and giving it a review, you set up your camera and begin filming. "Hey everyone, me and my husband are going to be rating food from the new McDevil menu~"
Beel doesn't react at all, and you send him a quick glance before trying again- perhaps he didn't hear you? "I think the Sin-Fries are a solid 7/10, what about you, husband?" But again, he doesn't react to the word at all, instead giving his own rating for the new fries.
Is he really not realizing what you're saying? You decide to try one last time. "My husbands food always looks better than mine," You whine, peaking over at him to see his reaction, only to see him offering you a bite of his burger. You sigh, giving up and deciding to just enjoy your food. You take a bite of his burger, offering him some of yours. The review ends swiftly, and you turn off the camera.
As you two clean up from eating, you notice Beelzebub quieter than usual. You're about to ask him if everything is okay, his face becoming flushed, when he speaks up.
"Soon, okay?" You blink a few times, confused by his words. He bashfully looks up at you, and that's when you realize what he's talking about- marriage, he plans on proposing to you soon. Your own cheeks now grow unbearably warm. "I promise."
Your prank definitely backfired, as now you're the one trying to calm your racing heart (although Beelzebub is definitely just as flustered). Still, you're holding him accountable to his promise- soon.
BELPHEGOR
You're not sure how this little prank managed to get turned against you, but Belphegor has made it so that you're now his personal pillow- again.
"I'm just saying, if I'm you're husband, then that means you should let me use you as a pillow whenever I want." You open your mouth to retaliate, but he beats you to it, batting his lashes up at you. "Don't you want your husband to be comfortable?"
"I..." You falter. You regret deciding to call him your 'husband~' to try and get him to help you with chores. You thought maybe it'd motivate him, or maybe you'd just get to see his cute blushing face, instead you're suffering.
"Come on now, don't be shy~" He wiggles about, trying to grab you to pull you towards him, but he doesn't really exert enough energy to be successful. "Ugh, why... do you... do this... to me- to your darling husband!"
"You're anything but darling." You say, crossing your arms over your chest. "Last time I call you 'husband' or any term of endearment, I swear..." You grumble, turning on your heels to leave, disappointed your prank didn't work.
Belphegor grins, snuggling up to his pillow as he watches you leave. "That's what you think," he mumbles to himself, yawning, "when I finally get that ring on your finger, I'll have ya calling me husband again, just you wait~" He snickers, and a cold chill runs down your spine. You glance back to see him asleep, although you feel as if he's planning something- and you weren't sticking around to find out what!
#obey me x reader#om x reader#omswd x reader#obey me imagines#om imagines#omswd imagines#obey me headcanons#om headcanons#omswd headcanons#lucifer x reader#mammon x reader#leviathan x reader#satan x reader#asmodeus x reader#beelzebub x reader#belphegor x reader#om fluff
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do you think i'll ever get to a place in my life where i'm actually a good person and i don't keep getting bombarded with people telling me all the ways i'm doing things wrong. will i ever stop feeling like i'm faking being good and i'm actually a despicable person deep down inside like there's something rotten and irremovable in the very core of me. i feel sick
As a recovering self-hater I have a few things that have been helping
Truly shitty people are typically, in my experience, not chronically preoccupied with anxieties that they need to be better. It seems to be the 100% rock-solid certainty that everything you ever do is selfless that you need to watch out for.
Motive only matters in court. If you donate 30 hours a week to charity so you can tell yourself you're a good person or you donate that same time because you genuinely enjoy helping people, that's still 30 hours, imo. At that point the argument is more philosophical than anything. The help is still happening.
Nobody can read your mind. You can be the bitterest, cattiest, most judgemental and mean-spirited motherfucker alive, but as long as you don't let your feelings hurt others, you're golden. In fact, I personally think you should get extra credit for effort. Swimming upriver ain't easy
None of us are selfless by nature. That's okay. We all crave attention, and validation, and comfort, and reward. That self-interest is a survival skill. It's not going anywhere and I don't think it should. The key is moderation, self control, and consideration for others.
The loudest voice in your head probably isn't yours. Survivors of all kinds of abuse- and all abuse is psychological to varying extremes- often keep their critic's narrative in their head. That voice that says you're awful- is that something you'd say to someone else? No? Then try to figure out who said it to you. They were probably an asshole. The voice that answers it it probably your own. Listen to that one
No, you will not feel like this forever. It's a pain in the ass, but dedicating time and thought into ignoring that inner critic and elevating your positive impulses is effective.
Some things I've done myself that seem to help:
Do some research on cognitive behavioral therapy and cognitive reprogramming. These are easier to exercise with a therapist but once you figure out the steps to follow you can do them on your own, too.
When you do something good, write it down for yourself. Keep a dated journal, either on paper or in your phone. When you find yourself in a pit of self-loathing, you can go back and remind yourself of all the good you've done. If this is hard, try listing 3 good things you did at the end of each day. Anything from picking up a scrap of litter to running a food drive.
Long post, but really, the best thing I can say is this:
Aything that takes effort is worth celebrating, even if that effort is minimal or that task is considered small.
At the end of the day, "bare minimum" isn't working a full-time job and eating three meals a day, cleaning up after yourself and doing it with a smile- bare minimum is nothing. Bare minimum is laying on the floor motionless for 24 hours and filter-feeding like a sea sponge. And if even that's difficult for you, then it's not your bare minimum, is it?
There's a lot of cruel, inconsiderate, uncaring people in the world, only out for themselves at the expense of others, and even if you think you're one of them, giving a shit about doing better still puts you a mile ahead of most.
Try not to worry too terribly. If you're thinking about it, you're probably doing fine👍
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i could do so much but then again i get tired soooooooooo fast :") fuckfuck fuck
#like the ampunt of tasks i procrastinate over because i start the day at 3.34% battery#and i need. stuff to be rewarding immediately. right now. i can't invest in longterm projects#and i can't really think in ''this will take awhile but when it's finished it'll be so rewarding''#because i'm so fucking tired and lethargic all the time i dont HAVE much to invest and get back later i need the fucking serotonin NOW#if the task is not rewarding in under 5 minutes i'm so done#and there's a high chance i'll get a mental breakdown because complete energy deplation feels like shit#i feel like i'm never enough and never have enough to give#and i constantly ask myself ''is this enough? is this enough to offer?'' and it's not
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I hate how academia makes me feel about myself
#it's like chasing an ever-moving goal#I used to never get anything above a C. usually less.#and now in uni I'm fretting about being 3 marks off of an A#I don't NEED an A. Why do I care so much#I just.#that was the best I could've done. I put in everything I've got#they give you so fucking many assignments all at once so you gotta half-ass everything to get it all done#and it's garbage#it's all garbage#this is NOT the best work I can produce#I'm just forced to make shit and more shit and more shit and it's shit#I can do better. I can do so much better. I NEED. TIME. stop giving me useless busy work!! stop forcing quantity over quality!!#cut the amount of tasks in half and they will be GOOD.#I'm SO SAD that I have to make ugly unfinished shite!#I'm NOT bad at what I do. but you need to give me TIME to do what I do! but now I just think that I suck at art and animation!#because everything I make DOES suck!#I'm tired. I got a B. that's not bad.#I just know that all my other assignments will be graded worse because I put in so much less work so I could get this one done.#I thought if I got an A for this one that maybe the others that are objectively worse might scrape a B or a C#but now idek if I'll pass.
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