#…i’m honestly kinda scared to post any more of them
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oh cool we’re doing this again. great. go check out my latest chaleon post. it’s the logo for the series, were it to actually exist beyond my ramblings on here.
more thoughts down there 👇
okay, so i could totally just leave the post at that. my recent chaleon post got erroneously marked as mature. fun. i’ll post a lil sarcastic whatever about it and hopefully draw a bit of attention to it because i crave that. but this isn’t the first time this has happened.
a while back, i made a couple posts in a series of things i called “neat websites”. the first one was about a little adhd helpy thingy called goblin tools. you can find it elsewhere on my blog, under the tag “neat websites”. it too is hidden behind a mature content warning… and i feel like now i know why.
what do my goblin tools post and my recent chaleon post have in common, aside from the bogus mature content label? they both contain links to external websites. the neat websites post contains links to goblin tools and its handful of sub-pages. the chaleon post contains a link to the japanese fansite that hosts the font i used. aside from the fact that both are somewhat niche websites, they don’t share any notable similarities. though, that one similarity may in fact be why this happened in the first place.
i’ve seen numerous posts from other people that include embedded youtube links. youtube, if memory serves, is the second most popular website in the world. obviously, links to youtube won’t be malicious. but you can’t guarantee that for lesser-known sites.
i would think there’s probably a list of domain names that the content moderation algorithms or whatever check against to decide whether a post should be marked as mature or not. like, if you link to youtube or imgur it sees the url and is like “alright i recognize those you’re good” but if you link to a website it doesn’t recognize it flags the post as containing mature content, just to be safe.
i can understand why they do this (even if the mature content ban as an idea was… controversial) but i can’t say in my heart of hearts i’m not at least a bit miffed it’s happened to me twice. i feel like it wouldn’t be so bad if there were some kind of option to be like “hey this is wrong can you get a human to look at this pls” but as it is now there’s nothing like that (at least to my knowledge).
but yeah. keep in mind i’m not a programmer or compsci major or anything like that so all of this could be completely wrong but those are my thoughts on that. functional website. 11/10. 😎👍
#chaleon updates#update i guess#i actually thought that might be it way back when the goblin tools post was marked#but i didn’t have any proof since that was the first time#and then for some reason the minesweeper variants post wasn’t marked#though in that case maybe the person that restored my blog also removed the content warning? idk#btw if you’re wondering where the next neat websites post is…#…i’m honestly kinda scared to post any more of them#the first one was flagged erroneously#i got temporarily thanos snapped after posting the second one#i feel like if i post a third one i’ll just fucking explode or some shit#which sucks because it’s something i’m honestly really passionate about#idk. i'm sure a solution will come around eventually
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solemn vow to never be complacent or meek around things i feel strongly about again — to at least start the conversation even if i don’t have the words to talk back exactly to a poisonous idea — in kind, to pick up the thread if someone else does the same — tired of letting evil shit unfold —
#honestly this mostly only happens because of my disability which. i've been dreaming/reading about navigating that in ways feel better#or else because im scared of violence as a trans woman but i’m sick of fear of violence making me passive#rarely because i got scared in the crosshairs of financial insecurity and feared losing work#but that is what im parsing this time and very determined not to let that happen ever again#cuz like. having the supposed 'non-action' of passivity even available to you is a privilege of whiteness#in this case it was taking a creative-side gig on a play that felt very clear the playwright had given very little if any consideration#to nonwhite perspectives like clearly by a white person thinking about a white audience kinda liberal politics#and i took it bc my friend's mentor was directing and she put us in touch and spoke highly of him#and she's indigenous and very willing to call out white bullshit so i had some hope/trust that he would push it more#and he........ did at least cast a latino actor in the one role that would have made the play horrifically racist#if it had been cast as a white person but that felt like doing the absolute least to me#im still very much figuring this world out#understanding the ethics of theater work and im glad i did this in that regard#cuz like. i didn't fully realize that my only real chance to make a creative + ethical statement was right out the gate in accepting the gi#as an SM like... there's really no other chance to have an opinion so i should not take work if the script doesn't align w my ethics#and use that rejection as a chance to make it clear what's fucked up#...if i even ever SM again that was the most stressful gig i've ever done and i didn't even get paid for it. fuck#sorry for writing half the post in the tags. if ur reading this ur too close >O< jk haaiiii thx for reading my diary#very much a 'i am thinking through these concepts still and ur welcome to share ur thoughts on them' kinda post
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PAC: Romantic Messages from your Lover ♡♡
(Please Read My Pinned post *IMPORTANT NOTE* before selecting a Pile)
Pick an Image by meditating and selecting the image you feel called to. You can be attracted towards more than 1 image. If you are not able to select maybe this reading isn't for you.
៶Pile 1៸
You’re Whiskey in a Teacup.
“You want me?” I giggled at his bewildered expression. - “That’s what I’m saying”. He paused a moment. - “How - but what did I do?” - “I don’t know....I just think we’d be a good US”. He smiled slowly. “We’d be a wonderful us”.
“Forgive me for the things I did but mostly for the things I did not”.
“In the future...if by some miracle you ever find yourself in a position to love again- fall in love with me”.
I’m okay with your history. It made you who you are. And I happen to be in love with who you are.
Moreover, perhaps it isn’t love when I say you are what I love the most - You are the knife I turn inside myself, this is love.
Your lover thinks that you're unattainable or very far from their reach. They think it is a tough connection which will require a lot of efforts and they do not want to lose you. You scare them. They also think that if you don't like the way they approach you, you'll think they're a creep. So, they keep their distance and stare from far away. If you're already in a relationship with this person, this could've happened in the beginning. They think you're a nice blend of modern and traditional. There is something that you keep hidden but when they get to know it, they will be amazed by you and your abilities. They want you to recognise them and love them and feel as much as they feel for you, listen to their unspoken words. They love you for all that you are and all that you've been.
That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 1.
Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼
៶Pile 2៸
“Missing you comes in waves. Tonight I’m drowning”.
“Chances are, I’ll never get a moment like this again, so here’s everything I ever wanted to tell you. No one has ever gotten me like you; I’ve never found anyone who makes me laugh like you. You’re the one person who I can honestly see myself happy with; the definition of love to me is you”.
And one day, She took off her specs. Her eyes got blurred and mine never felt so focused.
God...You’re actually crazy. I love it.
“The thing is, jumping off cliffs is kinda my thing. That’s the choice. I love him, with all that, because of all that. On purpose. I love him on purpose.”
That is the problem. If she wanted to dance, I would let her wreck the furniture. If she wanted to cook, I would let her burn down the house and if she wanted to scream, I would let her deafen me. I’ve never loved anyone enough to let them destroy me but God, she could take me by the throat and my eyes would sparkle at the mere inches between us.
They think you're smart, cool and confident. You make them laugh, you might have a great sense of humour. They also think that you carry yourself very well and you're an all-rounder. You might be creative and good at different kinds of indoor and outdoor activities. You both could be in a long distance relationship or you guys don't get to hang out much because of work or any other reason. You might have a good physique and they really like it. You might also be good at cooking or dancing(your body could either be very stiff or very flexible). Again, like pile 1, this person expresses very less than how they actually feel. They might be a listener and you might be talkative. They love late night deep conversations with you.
That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 2.
Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼
៶Pile 3៸
How beautiful to find a heart that loves you, without asking you for anything, but to be okay. - Khalil Gibran
“You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known and even that is an understatement”. - F. Scott Fitzgerald
I like to think of your silence as the love letters you will not write me.
Off topic but you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
If tomorrow starts without me, I hope it starts with you. You see, there is a little of us in ourselves, and more of me in you. So if tomorrow starts without me, I’m not dead. I’m just seeing life differently - through you. - Temitaya_zeblon
Anyone who cares about you has to realize that you need a little looking after, nothing else really matters.
I sense a lot of grief in this pile and also a lot of selflessness. They are your well wisher and they think so highly of you. They wish to see you having great achievements and happiness. They are your biggest cheerleader. They think it's so easy to love and understand you, you're just so simple, so self-satisfied. They love your silence and shyness. You might be a hopeless romantic but you don't express much through words. This person also wants to let you know that they've got your back and they wish the world for you. They might have already made up scenarios in their head, as to what may or may not come ahead in the future, but if something bad happens, they want you to carry on positively and happily. There might be someone here who lost their partner, this person wants to see the world through your eyes, so they want you to put your chin up and smile.
That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 3.
Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼
៶Pile 4៸
I will choose you. Even on the days we don’t understand each other.
He is even better than books. -Fiction has nothing on you.
I wasn’t fooled. I knew you at once.
You’re so special. i hope you know that. Like the universe took it’s time with you.
“You can’t love someone unless you love yourself first” Bullsh#t. I have never loved myself. But you...Oh God, I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like”.
“What’s special about her?”.....“Nothing is special without her”.
You must be someone really special to this person. Your guys' relationship is a roller-coaster ride and you guys never fail to communicate on matters, so it's like, you always come up with a solution together, to somehow figure things out between you rather than going for comfort elsewhere. I'm getting Justin Bieber ft. Big Sean's As Long As You Love Me, the lines where the rap part says
'You're the one that I argue with, feel like I need a new girl to be bothered with, but the grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it, so I know, we got issues baby, true true true but I rather work on this with you than to go ahead and start with someone new.'
You guys can't live without each other, you both think that only the other person can handle you and nobody else. You just know each other so well. You guys' love trope might be friends to lovers.
That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 4.
Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼
៶Pile 5៸
I will not have you without the darkness that hides within you. I will not let you have me without the madness that makes me. If our demons cannot dance, neither can we. -Nikita Gill
“You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known and even that is an understatement”. - F. Scott Fitzgerald
I wasn’t fooled. I knew you at once.
I have two sides: Clown(Intentional) and Clown(Unintentional).
“I’m tough,” I whisper. He nods. “I know you are.”....“I can take care of myself.”....“You have,” he says. “ You still do. You always will. I’ve just joined in, too. Now we take care of each other.”
“I don’t want you to fall in love with me, because we fall by accident. I want you to walk towards me, and then sprint towards me, all on purpose, I wanted you to love me on purpose.”
You guys are very different from each other. One is quiet or shy while the other one is full of humor and confidence. You guys just click. Opposites attract. One completes the other. You guys have so much respect for each other. This might be a love at first sight situation for a few of you while for the others of you, you got along well really quickly with each other. The one who is shy or quiet could be the unintentionally funny one(especially when they open up) while the other one is effortlessly funny and is a pro at it. There's a lot of light-hearted energy in this pile. You both are mature but in your own ways. You might think you don't need anyone but you know that your heart needs this person. You might have been through a lot of struggles and you think you'll always be okay being alone, but no, it's not going to feel right everytime. You've always craved this kind of company, deep in your heart. So, when this person comes along, keep them.
That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 5.
Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼
Thank you so much for being here. I post PAC readings every Tuesday and Friday. Do love and support by reblogging, liking or following.
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#astrology#spirituality#divination#pick a card#spiritualgrowth#tarot divination#tarot pac#tarot pick a card#pick a pile#tarot asks#witchcraft#witchy#witchblr#tarotblr#tarot blog#tarot reading#tarot community#tarot cards#tarot and astrology#tarot services#tarot daily#daily tarot#love messages#love quotes#romantic partners#lovers
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hi friends, i won’t be posting or updating any of my works for an indefinite period n will be on hiatus from this blog as well.
i’ve unlisted kickoff & ihm on ao3 (haven’t deleted, they’ve just been made private) and i’ve unpinned my masterlist here on tumblr (again nothing’s been deleted so you could probably find the chapters if you searched my tags)
but the reason i did that is because i don’t want any new readers finding my works during my hiatus because i don’t want to potentially upset more people in the event that, during this hiatus, i decide that i would no longer like to write my fics
that would be an insanely sad decision to make. i put so much thought into my stories not because i am trying to make them entertaining, but it’s because they genuinely mean so much to me and are cathartic in ways i can’t describe. i have spent a great majority of my life self negating for the sake of others, and so writing was just a form of expression where i could talk about all the things i’ve suppressed over the years - anxiety, career stress, financial stress, avoidance, depression, loss, coming of age, navigating love, etc
but lately, and i do think it’s been a build up of just some careless words from a handful of people over the months, i find myself steering towards a practice of writing that is no longer asking the question “how can i put as much of myself in this piece as possible?” but rather “how can i make sure people won’t criticize this…i feel awful that it doesn’t have what they want it to have…other creators are doing xyz, should i be doing that too?…i’m just scared to share this”
not exactly sure when that shift in headspace began, but as of right now, it’s as strong as ever. and i understand that those questions may seem irrational, and i just have to try to not focus on the feeling, n i wish i was someone that could compartmentalize those thoughts better, but here’s the thing — the whole reason i started expressing myself through writing in the first place was because i’ve spent my whole life compartmentalizing. it would feel so ironic & untrue to the lessons i’ve learned in this journey if i just chose to “suck this up” and continue pushing forward until i reach a point of burnout simply because i don’t want to upset anyone
i’m really sorry i couldn’t focus on the positive. especially with all the insane n incredible amount of love n support i’ve received for my works. i’ve said this time n time again but when i started posting kickoff to ao3 back in january of this year, i had NO idea it would be this loved by so many people…i was like ok can’t wait to interact w these four readers for the rest of the year…and then BAM, i find myself fully sobbing after each chapter update because i was so touched by all the sweet n kind words. i don’t want this decision to come off in a way that makes it seems like i don’t love u guys sm or that i’m ungrateful — i’ve always taken pride in respecting my audience. even for a simple hobby, i try to put effort into my works. i proofread, i plan out, i edit in length, all because i am, well, for one, i’m a bit of a perfectionist LOL but also i think there’s a great deal of honor in respecting an audience that gives you their time n attention
but i already am struggling in my life to focus on the positive. medicine has been such an incredibly daunting career to pursue, i’m honestly only doing slightly better now because i’m just filled with relief that i got into med school to begin with lol it’s still surreal to me, so the stress has been kinda manageable so far on that sense of optimism, but dear god the shit i went through to get here…and the shit i know i still face ahead of me. i spend all of my serotonin on trying to stay positive in the face of my responsibilities. so all of this time i’ve spent trying to stay positive for the sake of my stories too has just left me with so much exhaustion — i just don’t see why posting my works should be anything less than fun and endlessly exciting when it’s a hobby that’s supposed to help me thru the actual brunt of life.
anyways, i’m getting a little carried away here. all this to say, i just need to take time away from posting my works so i can see writing as something for myself n not for others again. i don’t want the thoughts swimming in my head to be thoughts of anxiety over people potentially criticizing me n my creative decisions. i want the thoughts in my head to once again be positive, excited, and nurturing towards my stories. i don’t see how i can accomplish that at this point unless i start writing for myself once more, and not for others
i still have a great deal of passion to write, which is why i haven’t formally taken down my works. i anticipate that i may be able to come back in the future to share my writing again. but as of right now, i just want to heal the relationship that i have with this hobby, and i feel like that’s gotta happen in private (lmfao it sounds like im tryna freak my writing)
i’m sorry that i turned off my asks n my replies, i know so many of u care about me n want to support me n i just am beyond thankful. i don’t anticipate this is a forever goodbye, but i do just need some time rn away from all of this.
hope u all have a happy time!! and take care of yourselves :) much love
- ellie
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unexpected (ccg universe)
words: 3,865 ship: austin butler x female reader rating: PG summary: i have gotten so many second baby pregnancy requests from anons that i can't even post them all lol but convos with @stylespresleyhearted finally pushed me over the edge 🤧 notes: ccg universe masterlist here, regular masterlist here
Here’s the thing—maybe at this point in your life, you should just assume that things aren’t going to happen as you expect they will.
Nothing wrong with that, right?
You didn’t expect to work on a movie set with Austin Butler. You didn’t expect to fall in love with him, that he’d love you in return. You didn’t expect to date, get married, or have a baby.
And you certainly didn’t expect to get pregnant for the second time.
Yet here you are.
--
Finding out you’re pregnant again is an absolute blur. For starters, you take three different (yes, three) tests to make sure. It wasn’t something you both were planning, but things happen, and there wasn’t any use in bringing it up to Austin until you were one hundred percent sure. Well—three tests later, two blue lines, one plus and one PREGNANT later…
You sit on the tests for about a day, unsure when and what to tell your husband. Which is…so silly because it’s not like you’re not happy? You’re just scared. You think you know how he’s going to react, but then again, things are crazy with Luci running around in her terrible twos and both of your schedules filled with films and meetings and outings.
Is there time for another baby?
You and Austin are making breakfast with Luci when you finally decide to just tell him. You hold onto your breath so long that you start to feel dizzy before passing him one of the tests when he asks for a fork.
His long fingers wrap around the test and he kinda blinks before his head snaps to you.
“Really?” He asks.
Your eyes fill with tears before you quickly nod, “Yeah,” You reply breathlessly, “Yeah.” You swallow, curling your hair around your ear, “I know it’s not something we really talked about but…if…if you’re happy—”
“Happy?” Austin interrupts, setting the test on the counter. He shakes his head, voice gruff with emotion. He knows you, knows you far too well. “Of course I’m happy,” He quickly moves to where you’re standing, cupping your face with both hands. “I couldn’t be happier.”
That seems to crack open a dam inside of you and you laugh, the sound coming out wet as your hands wrap around his wrists, “Really?”
He grins, nodding, leaning down to press his lips to yours. “Really.” He says against them before slipping to the floor. He kneels in front of you, hugging you around your middle, pressing a few kisses that are way too ticklish to your belly.
Luci has no idea what’s going on other than she wanders over with her stuffed dino, sees her father kneeling on the floor, and then proceeds to make her dino kiss your leg.
“Kisses.”
Austin laughs softly, running a hand through his hair as he pulls back. He moves to scoop your daughter up, standing up off the floor.
“Can we give mama a kiss?” He asks her, leaning her forward until Luci plants a big kiss to your cheek.
Letting out a soft sound, you move to thread your fingers through one of Luci’s haphazard ponytails, “What do you think about havin’ a brother or sister, Luc?”
There’s a long moment, you’re not sure if she completely understands what you’re talking about. But then— “No thank you.” Honestly, you have no idea why you expected any other answer.
You and Austin can’t help but grin.
--
Turns out, ‘unexpected’ seems to be the theme for this entire pregnancy.
--
Something that you and Austin decided right away was that this pregnancy was going to be a bit different in terms of spotlight. Obviously family members and really close friends would get to know, but everything else? That’s last on the list. Neither of you have any regrets when it came to Luci, how public it all was. But keeping this more private this time around feels like a good change of pace, not to mention it’ll be a lot less stressful for you and the baby.
It seems to be exactly what you need, because—
“What are you saying?” You ask your doctor, your grip on Austin’s hand tight and unnerved.
The doctor draws in a soft breath, flipping through your chart, “It’s just something we want to keep an eye on,” He says gently, too gentle. Your hormones are already out of whack and you can’t handle someone babying you.
“You said I was high-risk.” Your voice takes on a grating edge you don’t recognize and Austin attempts to soothe you by drawing his thumb back and forth on your knuckles.
“I said the pregnancy was high-risk.” The doctor looks at you both, “It can happen sometimes with second times around. Not to mention that your stress levels tend to be a bit elevated in general.”
You bite down on the inside of your cheek. You know you’ve always had a bit of anxiety, usually when it came to making big decisions in your life—career paths, family moves, relationships, those sorts of things. Creating a space for yourself knee-deep in the film industry didn’t help that, either, but you’ve never had any regrets.
Not until this shadow of a doubt within this very moment.
“It’s just something to keep an eye on.” The doctor repeats, as if that’s helping anything.
Austin seems to sense that you’re about to have Luci-level tantrum with your doctor so he clears his throat and nods, “Thanks doc, we’ll be in touch.”
He nods, setting your chart down in the wall slot before heading out of the exam room, closing the door behind him.
You let out a long sigh, running both hands over your face, grateful that Jillian has Luci for the afternoon so you could go to this appointment without a two-year-old unleashing her antics in whatever room you’re in. Love her to death but there’s no way you’d be able to emotionally handle that, you’re barely keeping it together right now.
Scratch that—your lower lip wobbles as your eyes meet Austin’s.
“Oh babe,” Austin says softly, standing so that he can slip between your legs while you’re sitting on the exam table, “Don’t.” He cups your cheek, running his thumb along the bone.
“I can’t help it,” You reply, wanting to pull away from him, but he won’t let you. “I feel like this is my fault.”
“You can’t think like that,” Austin leans down and presses his lips along your forehead, “The important thing is that we know about it and we can plan for it.” He pulls away just enough to look down at your eyes, a small smile tugging the corners of his mouth.
“We wanted you further out of the spotlight with this one anyways, you know? This’ll work out.” His voice is soothing in a way you can’t describe, like it slips along your body like silk, pulling you close, hugging you.
You nod softly, your eyes closing as he cups your cheek again, his other arm wrapping around your frame.
“We’ll figure this out.” Austin promises, “Alright? You’re gonna be okay—the both of you.”
And maybe that’s what you really need to hear. You nod again, leaning forward to slide your arms around his waist, molding yourself to his chest. You face finds the familiar crook of his shoulder, breathing in his scent, something cologne and purely him.
You’re so unsure about everything, and yet within those few moments, you believe him and nothing else.
--
It’s frustrating but unfortunately necessary and you don’t fight it, even when you eventually (Austin pushes) talk to your agent about everything that’s going on. You feel like it’s bad luck to bring up a pregnancy to someone who isn’t family so early, but you need that open line of communication. You have to put some projects on hold—not everything, not yet. But some.
The more time that passes and the more pregnant you become, you begin to slowly slip out of the public eye. It’s a slow drip, but it increasingly becomes more noticeable with ridiculous social media headlines and TikTok theories.
You try not to dive head first into any of them (even though some are entertaining). The gossip and drama is that you and Austin are separated, getting divorced, that you haven’t been seen together out and about in a ‘really long time’, so naturally this is what’s happening.
“Did you hear?” You ask him one afternoon when he comes home with groceries. You smile at him from where you’re sprawled out over the couch, “I’m ‘taking you for all your worth’.”
Austin snorts an amused sound, toeing off his shoes. He wanders over to the couch and lets out a long sigh, gently laying himself down so that he slips between your legs. Your bump doesn’t allow him to rest fully against you, but that doesn’t seem to bother him. He presses a few kisses to the swell, hand slipping to your side and fingers massaging a bit of your lower back. Honestly, bless him.
“You can have it all.” He teases.
The pitter-patter of tell-tale feet run down the hallway from one of the bedrooms, “Daaadddeeee.” Luci exclaims, rounding the couch covered in—
“Is that paint?” You ask, raising an eyebrow.
She at least has a little bit of decency to look impish but her wide smile hasn’t left her father. You shake your head, running your fingers through Austin’s hair. He reaches an arm out and circles it around Luci, tugging her closer. She giggles instantly as he plants a kiss to where there isn’t paint, but honestly, there’s not many options.
“You paintin’ masterpieces in there, Picasso?”
“She’s gonna have to if we’re getting divorced.” You laugh, “My ‘high-priced’ lawyer will need paid.”
Austin rolls his eyes, tilting his head back to look at you, “Please stop readin’ that crap.”
You smile, trailing your fingers down the long lines of his jaw. You brush your thumb over a spackle of freckles under his one eye—beauty marks that you love. “It doesn’t bother me. It’s funnier than anything else. Besides, the fans are loyal and have a different theory. One that is more correct.”
A soft sigh leaves your husband’s nose. He doesn’t seem to be thrilled that you’re diving into those threads either but isn’t about to say anything about it. You get it, he’s protective, you’ve been burned and hurt by tabloids, quick media and nasty fan comments before. But…regardless that this second pregnancy is more delicate than the last, despite the fact that your feet hurt, you’re starting to feel uncomfortable all the time and your back is sore…you’re happy.
You’re really happy.
It doesn’t matter what anyone says, you know the truth.
Austin pulls away from you on the couch, much to your dismay, and scoops up your daughter. He leans down and presses a kiss to your forehead,
“I’m gonna give the gremlin a bath—”
“With bubbles!” Luci declares and Austin smirks.
“With bubbles,” He agrees, “And then I’m gonna give you a back rub.”
You groan softly because that sounds amazing, you can’t wait. “Did I mention the whole divorce thing is off, you’re the best husband a girl could ask for.”
Austin rolls his eyes again but at least he’s smiling this time as he leans down to kiss you. “Baby you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” He says against your lips and presses another kiss to the corner before Luci smudges her fingers on your cheek.
Austin playfully taps her butt as he carries her away, “Mommy is not a canvas.”
You smirk, settling further into the couch and closing your eyes, listening to the hum of Austin’s muffled voice and Luci’s excitement as the water starts up in the bathroom. Thanks to your daughter, you now have an idea for the theme for a pregnancy photoshoot.
Second time around…why not, right?
--
Austin does his best to ignore the paps, he really does, but sometimes they dig under his skin in the worst ways. He's glad that you have been able to be home during this pregnancy, not only because it's a lot more relaxing, but because it's both healthier and less stressful for you and the baby. It's a boy, he's so sure of it. He's just got this feeling deep down in his chest, between his ribs, that you and him are gonna have a son. Time will tell. He holds Luci on his hip as he moves around Whole Foods, intending on getting some stuff to bring home. Your cravings have ranged from the things that make sense (ice cream, cheese) to things that don't (peanut butter on pickles...yeah that's a weird one). He lets out a long sigh, pushing the small cart with one hand as Luci dozes on his shoulder. He presses a kiss to her forehead, tugging Oreos off the shelf to set in the cart. She squiggles a little, letting out a breath and then continues to sleep. It's not a large list, he mostly just gets the essentials. He knows he could have this all delivered to the flat, but sometimes it's nice to get Luci out of there so she doesn't drive her mom crazy. Especially now since you don't move around as swiftly as you used to. He gets everything packed up into one grocery bag, moving to leave and head to the car. Not three minutes out, near the car, a swarm of paps are there. He lets out a long breath through his nose, figuring he should have expected it, given the dramatic stir up that's been happening since you have slowly disappeared from the public eye. And yet they're just as annoying as they've always been. Austin's always considered himself a nice guy, but nothing pisses him off like them snapping out questions about his family. "Austin!" One of them calls. He ignores them, trying to get the car door open to put Luci in her car seat. But of course, that doesn't stop them from asking questions. "Austin, can you tell us what's going on with Y/N?" "How's the divorce going!" "Are you talking about joint custody?" "What about Luci?" Austin feels a snap in his chest, something cold and unrelenting, because at the sound of his daughter's name, she begins to wake up. She's disoriented and confused, her hand coming up to rub one of her eyes. And he knows he shouldn't swear, but the questions feel like pinpricks in his skin, "Fuck off, guys." Luci whines softly and he gently bounces her against his hip. And then the cameras start snapping photos, flashes going off, and she turns her head quickly as Austin gets the door open. The series of movements, of men moving closer with those cameras, of the combined shouts of their voices asking too many questions—she squirms, those whines becoming little hiccups. Austin already knows what's coming as he tries to soothe her but it doesn't work. "Shhh," He whispers when Luci begins to cry, "I know baby, c'mon." He finally gets the door open, getting her in her car seat. He hates that he has to let her go but it's the only way they can get out of the fucking parking lot. He gets her strapped in, giving a look in the direction of the paps and reminds himself he can't go to jail because he decided to accidently run some of them over. He's already had to pay for a camera or two because he cracked them out of hands when they’ve shoved them into your face.
Checking his mirrors (begrudgingly), he pulls out of the spot and makes a turn to drive out, heading right towards home. There’s an underground parking garage that leads up to the loft and lots of security, so he knows it’s safe once the car slips underneath that gate that closes behind them.
He pulls into their designated spot, quickly getting out of the car and moving to open Luci’s door. She’s settled down into sniffles but once she gets her eyes on Austin, the waterworks start up again.
“I know,” He gentles his voice despite the annoyance he still feels, “I know. We got our nap interrupted, that’ll upset anyone.”
Austin reaches for her, hoisting her up into his arms to get her upstairs.
--
You can tell Austin’s annoyed when he comes in, the tension bracketing his shoulders, the way he carries your daughter into the kitchen to put down the groceries. You tug yourself up off the couch, swaying a moment before placing a hand on your stomach and moving towards where your husband has disappeared.
He’s put Luci down on the counter just long enough to grab a washcloth from a drawer and wet it with warm water, wandering back to carefully clean her face. You frown a little, seeing it tearstained. She’s fussy, pushing away her dad’s hands and that tells you more than enough—especially for Luci who tends to look at Austin like he’s hung the moon.
“What happened?” You ask softly, leaning against the counter.
Austin’s jaw works, “Paps.” Is all he says, all he’s willing to say right now.
You swallow over the lump in your throat, your hand moving back and forth over your belly, “I’m so—”
“No,” He cuts your apology off, firm but with no malice, “If anything this is just a good reminder about why we’re doin’ all of it this way.”
Letting out a breath, you nod—doesn’t mean you have to like it. Austin’s dealt with his fair share of paps before, but you know he gets riled up when it comes to them pushing buttons about you, about family.
You run your hand through Luci’s hair, pulling back to put away the groceries Austin brought home. Once he’s got her face wiped off, she begins asking for Cheerios and he raises his eyebrows,
“Thought you were gonna take a nap.”
Luci shakes her head, “No thank you.”
That seems to break the tension at least as Austin huffs out a light laugh and picks her up, putting her on the floor. “Of course not.”
You smirk, moving to grab her favorite plastic cereal cup and fill it with some dry Cheerios, handing them over.
Luci sprints out of the kitchen and heads down the hall to her bedroom, no doubt about to eat on the floor with her stuffed animals and begin playing with her dolls.
“We’re gonna miss when she was so agreeable.”
A laugh rumbles in Austin’s chest, “She’s already got a stubborn streak from you.”
You giggle so quickly that you nearly have to cover your mouth, “That comment is coming from you?”
Austin rolls his eyes but it’s with so much affection that it warms you up from the inside out. He lets out a long sigh and you can literally spot the moment that the tension disappears from his shoulders, rolls right off his body as he reaches for you to pull you close.
Or at the very least as close as he can with your belly between you both.
“You feeling alright today?” He asks, always checking.
You smile, nodding, “Only a month to go.” Hard to believe. “Think you can handle not punching anyone between now and then?”
Austin smirks and in one easy movement he picks you up to set you on the kitchen counter, his physicality making a heated pulse run down your spine and settle between your legs. Which is where Austin ends up, slipping between them. He brushes a kiss over the bridge of your nose, your cheekbone, and smiles against your lips.
“No promises.” Before kissing you.
--
You have a baby boy in August, and that is what you name him.
He’s perfect but that is unsurprising.
There are so many versions of Austin that you’ve easily fallen in love with—you once again decide that seeing him as a father is your favorite one.
--
Part of you wants to stay hidden away as you’ve done the past few months but you know at the end of the day that it’s not compatible with how often you and Austin are in the spotlight. And despite the nasty gossip and headlines you’ve seen circulating about how you and your husband were so obviously separating…it’s nice to see the reversal spin around the moment you post on your Instagram—
coffee.girl: the ratio is finally even in this house, austin is thrilled😉
jillian.mua: love you mama😭 austinbutler: ❤️ buzzfeedceleb: WE KNEW IT elvisfan: omg no way coffeecartgirlfan: Y/N really making news sources look like clowns today, we love to see it
You do, in fact, love to see it.
--
You swear that pregnancy hormones are still kicked into high gear because literally almost everything with this new baby makes you emotional, even a month later. Luci very passionately decides that the nursery needs to be painted a new color, which you and Austin don’t object to. Your husband chooses a variety of greens, things that range from avocado to seafoam and brings them all home. The ‘allure’ of choice for your daughter even though you and him have already picked the main color.
But Luci holds a few paint strips in front of August as he lays in a baby cushion on the floor that reminds you way too much of an oversized cat bed and shakes them enthusiastically.
“Which one?” She asks him, as if he could formulate a response. As if he doesn’t babble and grab his feet and giggle at his sister.
And that’s what makes you tear up because—Luci loves August, loves talking to him about everything, loves gently touching his hair and cheeks and…you can already tell she’s going to be a great, protective big sister. It’s more than you could have ever asked for.
Austin comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, hooking his chin over your shoulder as he watches the both of them. He smiles, pressing a kiss to your neck.
“Cryin’ over paint swatches now?” He teases.
You playfully elbow him in the side and he can’t help but let out a slight laugh, only pulling away to pick August up and settle him against his chest. He brushes a kiss over his still chubby cheek and Luci moves to hug around his leg.
“What’s the color choice?” He asks her and you move to lift Luci up too, smoothing some of her hair behind her ear.
“This one!” She grins, showing you both the seafoam color.
“Perfect.” You reply and August squeals out a wet giggle, clapping his hands together.
Austin moves to you, wrapping his one arm around your waist to keep you close and the conversation turns into plans about how this room is going to be painted, which shades of green go where. This might be the easiest decision you can make in a life that continues to have so many things that are unexpected.
But you wouldn’t trade that for anything.
#austin butler#austin butler x reader#austin butler x female reader#austin butler fic#elvis 2022#mccall writes things#ccg
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Modern! Zoya…
Her first job was as a tattoo artist. Most of her costumers were women, they would specifically ask for her to do their tattoos; both because of her amazing work and the other… to get a close look at her. Whats better? Zoya is aware of the many women she is pulling (๑>•̀๑)
Imagine you two meet randomly bumping against each other and turns out you work at the shop right next to the one she works at!
Or you got recomendad by your friend to go to a certain shop to get your tattoo done, telling you to specifically ask for a woman named Zoya since her work is more professional and she is more trusted to give you great results.
She used to live in an apartment until she got a husky… I mean she it wasn’t like she couldn’t afford an average house but damn, she now has to pay more…
Has a love-hate relationship with her dog TRUST. Often complains of their sudden howling and the amount of hair they shed.
“It’s 1:30AM why the fuck are you howling like that!? You sound like you’re dying!” “Oh my f… You know i’m tempted in leaving you bald so I don’t have to deal with having your hair on the couch.”
At the same time however, they are also her best buddy and friend. There are times where she even lets them sleep with her on bed… For at least an hour before Zoya falls asleep and accidentally pushes s them off the bed in the middle of the night.
Yes she is a messy sleeper, god knows how the heck she ends up with on leg on the headboard and the other hanging on the bed. She snores like a dad…
Like even her huskey got scared for a second and kept barking until she woke up.
Listen, when going out she has this whole badass outfit, rings on her fingers, chains, unbuttoned blouse, a whole ass fit that screams “DADDY”
And then there are times where she just pulls up to the grocery store with an “Idgaf” outfit… Yet somehow she still looks hot. Jorts, a black baggy shirt, socks with the damn sandals or crocs combo (ಠ_ಠ)
Has a tongue piercing and you cannot tell me otherwise. If not, it is definitely her nipples.
Dark or alcohol filled chocolates girly. She isn’t a fan of overly sweet stuff.
Once choked on boba balls.
Honestly she can be romantic at times. She takes you to dates often— if not she plans something you two can do at home. Like cook, watch movies, play games or something.
Motorcycle rides with her are very common, more so with the fact that she doesn’t really own a car… Which she did confess that she may or may not be the best at driving.
Who knows how the heck she managed to stay alive with the many incidents she’s had while driving.. I guess she’s immortal.
Has an electric guitar, she posts videos on TikTok playing it and they get pretty high views! Like 406.1k views or something.
Her reposts mainly contain of two things; brain rots, lesbian.
Takes the most silly pictures of you and posts them on her story.
Source ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .
HAHAHSGSBSGAVAWHABE, IMAGINE HER LAYING DOWN WHILE YOU SIT ON TOP OF HER TO DO HER MAKEUP.
Holds you like a stuffed animal when sleeping. It’s actually so cute but it’s kinda hard to break free from her hold.
YOU GUYS PLAY ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, AND WHOEVER LOSES IS IN CHARGE OF COOKING.
Her cooking is actually pretty damn good! I feel like she is especially a specialist when it comes to cooking meat.
If you are too shy to order your food whenever you two are out, or pay, DO NOT WORRY, SHE LITERALLY IS YOUR SAVIOR, NO KIDDING. This woman gives no fucks at all, too shy to order? She’ll do it, hot your order wrong? She’ll go up and tell them.
Have I mentioned she gets up at 5AM just to do pushups?…
The type to randomly smack or grab your ass, she doesn’t care about the size.
I don’t recommend watching romance movies with her… she will cringe at any kissing scenes acting like she wouldn’t or doesn’t do that with you 24/7.
Not the best at dancing… Girl is STIFF.
I have the feeling she is the type to not admit that she is in pain during her period. She will act all tough and all until she can’t anymore.
(We need more comforting the ptn women on their period instead of the other way around, they also need comfort 😔)
Oh yeah did I also mention she was close to breaking your phone once? It all happened when you were scrolling through TikTok and saw a thirst trap (*cough* Rhea Ripley *cough*) and when I tell you grabbed your phone and threw it… IT HAPPENED.
Says she hates kids but has a soft spot for them actually. They remind her of Horo when she was wayyy younger.
Randomly sends you weird TikToks…. Like it’s so random and she says nothing about it.
She isn’t a fan of dresses, but she once tried it for you and it was a sight. It hugged her curves right and she kept flexing her muscles. If you take any pictures she seriously will kill you. (Especially if you send them to her friends).
If you are out she WILL text and call you every 36 minutes if she can’t come with you. And if she is too busy to pick you up she will face time you on your way home.
Has like so many posters of her favorite bands, korn, kiss, Deftones, ect.
Randomly gives you kisses when you least expect it. They are so random, you could be distracted and she will kiss your cheek, or your forehead, or the top of your head.
If she sees anyone eyeing you while in public she will pull you close and give the person a nasty look.
#path to nowhere#ptn#ptn x reader#path to nowhere x reader#ptn zoya#path to nowhere zoya#zoya path to nowhere#zoya ptn#zoya x reader#ptn zoya x reader#zoya
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hii!! so your previous crush-post (xD) was so. cute! may I ask for some more romantic fluff and the Fellowship (and Faramir and Arwen, if it's okay?) proposing to the reader?
I added pictures of what the rings might look like because I have a Pinterest addiction and figured I could put it to use
How the fellowship proposes (+ Faramir & Arwen)
Aragorn:
-To be completely honest, I don’t see him being particularly traditional about it
-And by that I mean he doesn’t make a big thing of it and doesn’t do the whole kneeling thing
-I imagine him proposing just happens in a loving conversation that is pretty casual
-But honestly every conversation with him feels kinda intimate so it’s still very romantic
Legolas:
-He is restless
-He plans it to be thought out and to give a little speech
-But it just kinda comes out
-Not in an awkward or rushed way; but he is just so in love he can’t wait any longer
Gimli:
-Actually shitting himself
-I really think he would have planned to propose on multiple different occasions but got too scared and chickened out
-It’s not because he isn’t sure about it, or thinks you won’t say yes; he just wants it to be perfect
-He covers for his anxiety with a forced confidence that is frankly adorable
-Blushes profusely
Boromir:
-Very traditional
-I’m talking secluded paradise with rose petals and candles everywhere
-He spares no expense; no he’s not extra…he just wants to show how much he loves you…that’s it
-Down on one knee giving a honorable and sweet speech about how you are the best thing in his life and how he will spend eternity loving you
-Definitely gets a little emotional but for the most part he keeps it together (the same cannot be said for your wedding)
-He had Faramir help him find a ring because I refuse to believe Boromir knows anything about fashion, let alone jewelry
Frodo:
-He’s a bit restless, but in a giddy sort of way
-He’s just so excited about the idea of marrying you that he isn’t even thinking too much about the proposal
-He knows you will say yes
-I could also see him putting the ring somewhere you will find it; maybe on your pillow, and hide in the next room all giddy like a little kid as he waits for you to find it
-This is what my dad apparently did and I think it’s cute
Sam:
-Ok I know I said Gimli is shitting himself; but this guy is actually having the squirts
-But he’s nervous because he gets very down on himself at times and he worries you might say no
-Logically he knows you will be so excited because you have talked about marriage before; but he can’t help but worry
-Doesn’t take you anywhere too fancy; he keeps it kinda casual but romantic
-Maybe in the garden
Merry:
-He has had this planned for months
-He has one of his friends distract you for the day while he sets up a romantic picnic dinner
-Like a surprise party that you are kinda expecting because the person getting you out of the house is kinda sus
-But it’s so sweet and Merry is dresses so nicely
-Seriously a dapper little hobbit
-He has practiced some speeches to Pippin, but he doesn’t end up doing any of them
-Instead he opts for just a natural conversation that is sweet and to the point
-Big expensive gem
Pippin:
-He has been pretending to propose for a while
-Well not really pretending, but you know it’s not his official proposal
-That being said every “proposal” he does comes with some sort of offering; he once did it with your dinner plate
-All his fake proposals were to have some fun with it, but mainly to get over his nerves; he’s practicing
-Will continue to fake propose even after you are married just for the fun of it
-Likes to see people’s reactions (plus maybe get a free cake slice at a restaurant or something idk)
-I wanted to add a joke picture of a tiny with three plastic carrots but alas you are only allowed 10 pictures apparently so just imagine I did a funny thing
*Bonus Faramir
-He is just the sweetest and I love this man
-He seems like the type to propose pretty early on in a relationship
-Not because he’s rushing, but he just knows you are the one
-Surprisingly calm about it; or at least he appears that way
*Double bonus Arwen:
-She is probably the most confident of them all
-She is just so sure spoken
-She makes sure you both are dressed in your best clothes and will take you to a beautiful secluded place in Rivendell
-Idk why but I felt strongly that the gem would be blue
-(sorry hers is short, I wasn’t particularly inspired idk why)
——————————————————————-
Just a little reminder that Gandalf isn’t included because I don’t generally write him for romantic prompts unless specifically asked
#lord of the rings#lotr#lotr headcanons#lotr preferences#lotr fellowship#legolas#aragorn#boromir#frodo baggins#samwise gamgee#merry and pippin#arwen#faramir#gimli#peregrine took#meriadoc brandybuck#the lord of the rings#lotr x reader
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[MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]
An important (and overwinded) announcement regarding this blog below the cut.
Hello everyone! This is Rawkin Ghoul/ Tumblr Ghoul/ Tumblrina/ Soda/ etc etc.
First thing’s first: no, this blog is not an official Ghost social media account.
I started this blog in late 2022 when ghost-official started blowing up (I do not believe this one to be real either, and honestly I won’t believe they have a Tumblr until it is linked on their official website) and thought, “wow, I could make a better Ghost blog than that. One that’s way better organized and actually advertises properly for them, and posts regularly!” So I did.
Originally it was meant as just that, a little joke between some friends, and wasn’t meant to really get farther than that. But then I thought, Ghost does have a lot of fans on Tumblr- a lot of exquisitely talented and devoted fans. Maybe I can kinda “roleplay” it for a while, build almost a bit of a portfolio, and then either offer the blog to management or offer to run it for them officially, for fun, if they were interested.
More time passes and more people followed. I thought “xofficial” as a username was a common enough joke/ gimmick that people would realize it wasn’t for real (and in fact, when I first searched the URL, I found that this username was once in use years ago! Sorry, previous owner), especially after posting that April Fools joke post- this was wrong of me to assume. There are a lot of roleplay/ joke “official” Ghost accounts all over the web but I failed to really properly disclaim that I was one of them.
I of course don’t plan to reach out to Ghost anymore and haven’t for some time, for multiple reasons including Tumblr just not being a good website for advertising. But another one is I got pretty loose on here. Tumblr is so different from Twitter and Insta and all that- you guys (and myself! I go here too) don’t want to have someone sell something to you- but you do love interaction and jokes and solving things together.
I think we can all admit it- when Ghost is dormant, the fans can get bored and even agitated, and can start to have a go at eachother. I’m certainly not guiltless there either. I wouldn’t say I’m notorious or even particularly well known in general but I’ve gotten into drama here and there. I figured the blog would be a fun way not just to distract the community, but really engage with it. The blog passed 5k a month or so ago and I started thinking, we could do something really cool with it. Smaller events like fanart contests and zines. But what if we did more? Organizing pre-ritual meetups. Larger community projects like fan-made music videos. ARG. Maybe even a short video game- there are so many incredibly skilled and hard-working Ghost fans and I wanted to try to bring them together because I think our love for Ghost, for whatever reason we love them, screams so loud and everyone deserves recognition (also a reason I started Fanart Friday as a regular thing).
You guys know I do my best to keep up with your tagging and what you’re saying and everything and I’ve seen the people pointing out the blog isn’t real from the beginning- I didn’t want to address it directly at first because I thought if nothing else people enjoyed the mystery.
But, more lately there’s been more and more people who are agitated, disappointed, and even a little scared to hear that this blog is not official.
I want to offer my very sincere apologies to people who I made feel that way. I should have made it obvious sooner- I know so well that there are a lot of very young Ghost fans especially who wouldn’t necessarily surmise that this isn’t real. I’m really sorry to those of you I disappointed.
I will never ask you for money here, or any personal information, or send asks anonymous or otherwise from here or my main personal blog as “Tumblr Ghoul”. I have had one person ask to message me so I messaged them to allow them to do that. If somebody contacts you claiming to be the person running this blog, they are lying. Please block them. My interactions here I aim to keep as public as possible, hence being increasingly liberal with replies and reblogs as the number of people interacting grew.
My only goal with this blog is to advertise for a band that I love and to entertain/ help the fandom when and where I can. I love and appreciate all the fanart and interest in the character of Tumblr Ghoul but I don’t want anybody to feel obligated to me and I especially don’t want to hurt anybody. I started this blog for fun and that how I want it to remain- fun for everyone.
People pointed out when I didn’t post for some time a few months back and it was because I had lost interest in the blog and was going through a rough time- and then one particularly bad day I got on to check it by chance and just seeing your guy’s tags and comments made me feel so much better. I tell people that I found Ghost when I really needed a friend and they fulfilled that for me, but the past few months you guys have done just the same for me. I am so sorry to have betrayed that and made you feel unsafe and lied to in return.
As of posting I do intend to still run the blog as I have been (with a disclaimer added to the bio regarding the legitimacy of this account)- posting about tours, chapters, merch, etc, as well as Fanart Friday. I 100% understand if anybody doesn’t want to be involved in that, so anybody who has tagged me in something and don’t want it on the blog now, I can open messages and you can let me know. I will probably close them again after a week or so if I get a large flood of unrelated messages.
Please do not message me asking me who I am, who knows about the blog, etc. Gaining popularity was never something I wanted from this so I will stay anonymous, for the time being at the very least. A very small number of people know who is behind the blog and to my knowledge only one of them is even on Tumblr and in the fandom.
Thank you for all the support you’ve shown me, Ghost, and eachother. It can be easy to see the bad parts of a community and roll your eyes electing to keep your distance, but since starting this blog I’ve been reminded what good community is even when it’s frustrating sometimes.
Thank you for reading, I won’t hold it against anybody who wants to separate themselves from this blog at this point, and please don’t let my oversight and general dummyness sour your experience with Ghost or its other fans. Enjoy the rest of this tour and whether it’s with or without me, please keep rawking 🤘 Be good to eachother.
Thank you.
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Is there a reason why darker furred or black furred cats are always made black when drawn as humans? It doesn’t make sense for Hollyleaf to be black if neither Crowfeather or Leafpool even have those traits in your humanized designs because how the hell did they have a dark skinned baby if none of them are? There’s a reason why a white woman having a darker skinned baby is automatically assumed to have cheated on her husband if neither of them have those characteristics present.
I’m also honestly kinda scared to post my take on some humanized cats especially the ones who are commonly depicted as being some sort of African descent because I have a different image. For Hollyleaf I just see her as having pale skin but black hair like a scene kid, which is because I imagine her father to be more of the goth aesthetic which is pale skin and black hair. I also do headcannon some of those cats as being more of Asian descent because come on they can be a person with dark hair and darker skin too. There are Asians that have more melanin than me out there, they’re not just pale skinned like Japanese people commonly are, hell some Japanese people aren’t even pale.
I genuinely feel like I’m the few people who sees some of the cats as having Asian heritage as humans because I don’t think I’ve ever seen artwork depicting any cat as asian. I guess I can understand if you don’t know how to draw mono lided eyes, I didn’t, but there are references out there that can help you draw the facial features of an Asian person. Hell simply google an Asian person and now you have a reference to study their features.
hey anon this is a super weird take.
you're saying you don't see why people are drawing cats as african/black but you're also demanding that people learn to draw asian people and draw the cats that way? you're telling people to do the thing that you don't agree with. maybe other people don't see the cats as asian, just like you don't see them as black.
if you want to draw the cats a certain way, just do it. no one is policing how you draw, so just stop trying to police these other artists. you don't need other people's approval to think a certain way about literal cats.
also! bringing up the "darker skinned baby means the white woman cheated" thing is weird! these are cats! just draw them as humans if that's what you're into! stop making it so complicated.
~ mod lichenbark
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Darling (JB 22)
Jenson Button x f!reader (Mark Webbers Daughter)
A/N: Ya’ll can blame the Brawn Doc (which btw was great, go check it out)
Summary: A little visit to your dad’s old friend after the Goodwill festival wouldn’t hurt,right?
Warnings: minors dni, +18, suggestive smut, edging, fingering, p! in v!, age gap (reader is 22)
“Hey Jense, would you mind keeping an eye on her? Missus and I will fly back to Australia but she’s staying here for a friend’s party”
My father would’ve never let me stay in a hotel. It had to be Jenson. Out of all his friends, all the people in the fucking UK, it had to be him.
And reminded that I’m 22. Not underage. And I can legally drink, thank you very much.
“Of course mate. I have a spare room she can use. I’ll barely be home this weekend.” It was the British Grand Prix and he is a presenter for Sky Sports, hence why he won’t be around.
To be fair, I only watch the post race show just to admire him. But my dad doesn’t need to know that, or Jenson himself. He doesn’t have to know how handsome he is or how smart he sounds given his knowledge in Formula One.
What’s more attractive than that?
And the fact that I have secret screenshots of his shots in my phone, but again, no one needs to know.
“Let me get her luggage full of god knows what type of dresses. I don’t even know when she bought them!”
"I hope you know how old I am, dad" I roll my eyes at his comment as Jenson lets out a small giggle, earning a death glare from my dad.
"Before she leaves the house, please make sure to see what she's wearing. And if there are any boys in sight." my dad warns him, as if I am going to enroll myself in the army and fight the enemy, which to him, would've been more preferable compared to a party.
"Got it. We definitely know that you think she's 17" Jenson replies and my mother laughs along, as I try not to burst out.
"If you side with Y/N, I will break your Porche." My dad's voice raise and I glance at Jenson who has a look plastered on his face as if he was offended and scared by the threat.
"I have kids myself, I think she's going to be safe with me. Come on Mark! I was the only driver you never crashed with, kinda." He takes the luggage away from my mother's hands and waves them goodbye as I go and hug them.
"Take care kiddo and if you need anything, im a call away. Also if you want to go to the paddock, the passes are under my name" he kisses my head after having me squeezed in a tight hug.
"Y-yes dad, I know. Now please let me go because I cant breathe."
"Sorry" he sets me free and I join Jenson's side. God he's tall and broad.
"Alright now, shall we?" he looks down at me and I nod, unable to utter a single word, even though I've know him my whole life.
The boys in my university were dying to hear stories with the senior formula one drivers, coming from a daughter of one. It's a nice feeling to narrate all the success and glory of this sport.
"Seriously though, your bag is very light. Are you even carrying anything in here?" Jenson asks, weighing up and down my luggage, flexing his muscles as I try not to drool all over the place.
"Only necessities. Dresses, shoes, makeup, few outfits for the race and condoms." the last one quite shocked him but also was a way of teasing him, given my major crush.
"You have condoms, yet I didn't hear you say panties"
"Won't be needing any"
"And why is that, may I ask?"
"Cause I like to be free. More access and more fun" I wink at him and I stare at his lips, a smirk is growing as each word is leaving mine.
"So you are telling me, that right now, underneath this short but nonetheless breathtaking dress, no panties are worn?"
I get closer to him and whisper softly in his ear:
"Wanna see for yourself?"
Honestly, don't ask me where I found this much confidence and especially with someone twice my age. And a friend of my dad's.
"Behave yourself darling" he coughs lightly to clear his throat and grabs me by the waist, so my dress doesn't float from the summer breeze.
"And what if I don't want you, Mr. Button?"
"Then you'll wish you had never said that" he growls and immediately opens me the door to his McLaren.
When he gets in the drivers seat, he wastes no time and gets on the road instantly. During the ride, there's a comfortable silence filling the atmosphere, until the air coming out of Jenson's window pulls up my dress and his hand quickly falls on my thigh, holding it down once more.
Jenson decides to roll up his window but his hand remains on my thigh and this time, is holding it firmly and starts caressing it from the inside.
Soft sighs leave my mouth, but controlling them is inevitable when his touch was all I have been craving since I turned 18. His foot hits the gas harder, speeding and driving in between the other slower cars. He reminds me of the Jenson back in his Brawn days and I can feel myself pooling just at the thought.
It was the very right time when his hand cupped my bare pussy, feeling the wetness caused by barely a thought of him. The slight touch of his fingers on my trembling self has my knees going paralyzed. I feel like crying from pleasure and yet I don't even know if he's doing that on purpose to embarrass me or if he's actually enjoying it too.
"Oh baby, you're definitely not behaving yourself" he says as his index finger draws circles around my clit. My legs are clenching his hand inside me as the other one holds the steering wheel, looking at his knuckles that have turned white.
"Jenson" I breathe out and moan simultaneously as he starts pumping two fingers inside me fiercely, letting myself to his mercy and unable to react.
"This behavior will have consequences young lady. I warned you" he lets a soft kiss on the crock of my neck and feeling his beard scratching it, I go absolutely insane.
"Then punish me sir" I blurt out without thinking and Jenson drives in seconds at the spot in front of his house, stops the car and places me on top of his lap with just one hand.
Jenson's lips crash into mine without wasting a second as his fingers play with my uncontrollably wet pussy. The feeling of moaning is surely necessary and I don't hold back. My tongue dances with his and the kiss gets deeper like his fingers, hitting perfectly my soft spot.
"You are going to be the death of me" Jenson says as his mouth falls on my neck, sucking it off like there's no tomorrow. My hands try to unbuckle his belt and eventually make it to the part where I can feel his erection growing. It's true what they say, older men do it better.
In other instances I would have been furious, but Jenson ripping my dress, just so he can have better access at my breasts is incredibly hot. I don't care that I am left vulnerable at his sight. At this I was pleading it.
My breast hurt from his kisses and I know in a few hours small red dickies will be covering the surface. My fingers decide to trace the shape of his thick cock but I can tell he wants to feel me. I have teased him and he me, for way too long.
"If you keep being naughty I won't let you cum, dear" a groan escapes his body as I take his length in my hands and caress the veins that have popped out.
"Then I want you to fill me up with your cum" I take him by surprise and I can sense his heartbeat raising from worry. He regards me as something innocent, precious and fragile. Which I am. But I feel ready and I am.
"Are you sure? I mean, have you? Uh? Had sex before?"
"I-uh-well, no. But-"
"Baby we can't do it here. You don't deserve to have your first time on a car. You deserve to be worshipped."
Jenson's words make me blush and my heart was flattering as if I was a fifteen years old again, simply watching him race and get multiple podiums.
He looks around and opens the door of his house and then quickly rushes with me inside and shuts it with such force, my legs started trembling.
Suddenly, he picks me up and carries me all the way to his bedroom. A dark room filled with some of his most iconic trophies and with his smell that has been covering my entire body since the moment I entered his car.
He turns on the soft baby lights on the bedrest and takes a look at my flushed self, covered with hickies he's gifted me. His eyes scan me from head to toe as if he's about to feast.
"I want you to tell me to stop whenever you feel uncomfortable in any way." He kisses me softly and I nod my head, knowing that he would never hurt anyone.
Jenson stands up and with his strong arms parts my legs so he can have a clear vision of my already swollen womanhood. My breast are half showing from inside my bra and my lips are bitten to the core. I am a mess but he seems to like it.
He removes his shirt in quick motions revealing his god like crafted body with the hints of dark ink covering his lower v and shoulder. I had never seen them before and I am was very pleased with what was in front of my eyes.
It doesn't take him too long to strip off his trousers and be left with simply his boxers that were trying to hold in his hardened cock and my patience as well. They were giving me a preview of what was about to happen.
As Jenson lowered his body his hands were hoisting down his boxers, revealing himself and it wasn't just my mouth that was drooling but also my pussy.
His hands now were on the insides of my thighs, holding them fiercely, whilst mine were hanging around his neck. I felt like my heart was about t burst out of my chest.
"Are you ready baby?"
I was at loss for words so I gave him a final kiss for reassurance that he could continue.
In slow motions, he lowered even more and started inserting himself inside me, pumping slowly as I was trying to get used to his size. My cries were out of control as Jenson was deepening himself and my pussy was stretched to its limits.
"Jesus, you're clenching me so well darling" he breathed out and I tried to open my legs wider for his pleasure. Jenson was panting on the hem of my neck and upping the pace of his thrusts.
"Dear lord this feels so good" It feels better than good. As if I am in the seventh heaven. I don't think any man will ever make me experience this. And I don't think I want to either.
"Say that again" he demands with a harder thrust, hitting my G-spot, earning the biggest moan of the night, echoing at the entire house.
"You make me feel so damn good Jenson" I gulp hard as I try to catch my breath and scratch his back from the pain that this gives me.
"And I shall be the only one darling" he hoists me up and removes my bra with a single movement, freeing my breasts and enjoying the sight, as they are bouncing up and down along with the trusts.
"Only you Jenson" I scream his name as loud as I can and his chest fills with pride as I am reaching my height.
"Cum sweetheart. Let go" I can't hold it in much longer and I cum all over his cock. He doesn't remove himself from inside me and I don't want to. This felt so right even though for some it's very wrong.
"That was, perfect" I say in a whispering manner as I am unable to speak louder. I am so wasted but full of thrill.
"You deserve it. You deserve to be treated like that dear"
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The Lost Sister - Part 6
Synopsis: Xaden is known as an only child due to his sister who 'died' during the Rebellion. Little do they know she didn't die and has been so close this entire time.
Garrick Tavis x OC A/N: I couldn't resist posting this so close to the other part. I'd say I'm sorry for the slight cliff hanger.... But I'm not. Also I've started writing some of the stuff around threshing, what do you guys think Ophelia's signet should be? What dragon will she have? Also what should we make Garrick's signet? I've seen a few theories on his being pain due to his dragons name, and honestly kinda leaning towards it. As per usual if you want to be on the tag list let me know! And if you guys have any prompts or ideas for small little one off stories/one shots, please pop them in my asks! Would love to give some other ideas a go. Probably leaning more towards our rebellion boys (Xaden, Garrick, Bodhi and Liam), but happy to give some others a go.
The Lost Sister Masterlist | Masterlist
Garrick leans against the wall at the end of the bed, his hazel eyes watching me like a hawk. He hadn’t take his eyes off me since scooping me off the floor. I’m a little disappointed he managed to put a shirt on before bringing me here. I could have used the view while the healer works at cleaning the blood off my face and mending my nose. Every time I flinch or wince as the healer works, I swear I see Garrick’s hand twitch as if wanting to reach out and stop her. The healer walks away to get me some healing balm to take with me to help the last of my nose heal and to help with any bruising that may decide to show up. As she rounds the corner, Garrick pushes off the wall and pulls up a chair next to my bed. He reaches up and tilts my head towards him with his right hand. His eyes assessing my face and the work the healer has done. When he’s satisfied I’ve been healed adequately his eyes meet mine. His hand still lingering on my face.
”You two really did a number on each other.” He says with a chuckle.
”You finally going to tell me what the hell is up with you and Imogen.” I say more aggressively that I intend.
Garrick flinches at my words and his moves his hand from my cheek to his lap as he looks down and starts to fidget with this hands. Some of his dark curls falling in front of his eyes. Definitely not the response he was expecting from me.
“I promise you there is nothing going on-”
”Bullshit.” I spit out cutting him off mid sentence.
He looks up at me shocked and almost scared. Something I can safely say I’ve never seen from Garrick towards me. Granted I don’t think I’ve used that kind of tone towards him before in the entire time I’ve known Garrick, which is pretty much my entire life. He hangs his head and goes back to fidgeting with his hands, the chair creaking under his weight as he moves around. Clearly uncomfortable with the situation.
“For me there’s nothing going on with her. We hooked up a few times, but that was it.” He admits, his shoulders sagging with the confession before looking back up at me with sad eyes that almost plead forgiveness from me. “But I made it clear I wanted nothing serious. But it is becoming clear those hook ups meant more to her than just something casual.”
”You never struck me as the casual hook up type.” I admit to him.
He slowly nods in agreement before looking away again, intently focused on his hands again. “Honestly I’m not. But there are times while you are here where you just need someone. And the person I needed. The person I wanted more than just a casual hook up with.” His eyes flick up to mine, and I swear my heart stops as if I know what’s coming. “Well I kind of thought they were dead till recently.”
His words come out so quietly I barely hear them. But I do. My heart rate starts to pick up as his words sink in and silence falls around us as we just stare into each others eyes. There is no doubt that Garrick meant me. It’s not like anyone else has come back from the dead recently. Garrick who I spent most of my child hood and teenage years crushing over, has just confessed they feel the same way and all I can do is sit here and stare at him like a deer about to get torched by a dragon. And I’m sure my face probably looks similar to that deer right now. His words start to sink in as he stares at me hopefully. His eyes pleading at me to say something. Say anything back to him. But I can’t. All I can do is stare at him in shock, despite wanting to hear this exact confession from him for years.
At that moment the healer comes back with the healing balm, completely oblivious to the tension in the small closed off area. “Here you go lovely, just apply it to any bruising as it appears.” She says sweetly as she hands it to me.
I tear my gaze from Garrick as I stand and take the healing balm from her, before quickly walking out of the room. I hear the chair Garrick was sitting on scrape against the floor. As soon as I’m out the door I take off. I vaguely hear Garrick call my name as I run back to the riders quadrant.
Part 7
Tag List: @riorgail @going-through-shit @fw-gt @bbkissme99
#fourth wing#fourth wing fanfic#garrick tavis x reader#the empyrean#garrick tavis#garrick tavis imagine#fourth wing imagine#the fourth wing
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Heeeey.
Surpriiiiise!!!✨
Yes I finally made some headcanons.
I know a lot of people have been wanting some headcanons but please read my pinned post before requesting? I will also put a link to it on this post. Thank you and enjoy the headcanons!
Trade/Request by @tryslogic
I owe them this one✨
Warning: Slight nsfw? Also it can be masc or fem with the ecto body. It’s up to your personal preference/interpretation honestly-
How would these skellies react to their S/o using their chest for hand warmers?
Killer:
* At first he was like, “Babe. I’m all bones. It ain’t gonna work silly~✨” but then he realized you meant his Ecto chest. To which he immediately teases you for being a little perv (the irony and AUDACITY of this man-)
* But ok ok he honestly doesn’t mind and summons it anyway! Well….while still being a tease with that shit eating grin. He even lifted his shirt just a tiiiiny bit to show off his Ecto. “Come warm yourself up cutie~” please bonk his head. He deserves it-
* But his red Ecto looks quite pretty! Like a shiny ruby! Kinda hard to stay mad when he’s flaunting off that waist. (He’s pretty and he knows it-)
* Once you do put those freezing hands there, he does jump a little as he didn’t expect you to be THAT cold. Ooooo but it was too warm to ignore✨ you had to give the booba a squeeze and for a bonus revenge. Which hilariously makes him squeak a little-
* Oop but now he’s giggling and looking back at you with a look of pure mischief. Better run because he’s putting those ice cold Skellie hands on YOUR chest now. And cold bones feel like death💦
* At least you both get a good laugh in! It’s always expected when you’re with Killer!
Lust:
* The offer was actually something he suggested as a joke. A flirty joke but he didn’t think you’d follow through with it. He’ll be pleasantly surprised and tease you for being so bold in trying to cop a feel~✨
* All jokes aside, he summons his Ecto for you! “Must be that cold hm~? No worries….I’ll warm you right up~” makes you question if he’s flirting or joking. Might be both if you’re lucky~
* His ecto is a lovely shade of lavender and quite curvy in general. It’s quite the attention grabber without him even trying. Will be very flattered if you praise him!
* Ah but he has the cutest reactions when he feels your cold hands. He’d do a little squeal and giggle from the surprise coldness. And squeezing the chest makes him laugh even more. He knew you were messing with him but dammit it was working.
* He’s not used to being held though without uh….yknow. “Favors” in return. But you being all cuddled up to him just unlocked him to a world of affection✨
* He couldn’t stop smiling even when you both dozed off.
Blue:
* Honestly at first he had no idea what the hell you asked him for- buuuut when shown an example? A blushing lil blueberry. Sure you didn’t mean TOO much harm in saying that but gosh how bold of you to ask this of him!
* But huh?! No he’s not scared! The magnificent Blue will not back down! Just….give him a minute to hype himself up💦 and try not to die of embarrassment-
* His Ecto is like a blue ocean in a tropical climate. It’s quite the sight to see. Best part? He had the perfect mix of muscle and a little fluff. Extremely comfy-
* He is just cute to begin with. But look at him now, getting all flustered✨ though he was more worried about how cold you were and poor thing was ready to buy you gloves and everything. But he lets out a loud “MWEH?!” Upon feeling you give him a few squeezes.
* He’d giggle just to turn around and give you a big ol hug! “Oh you tease! Come on….lets cuddle on the couch and drink hot chocolate together!”
* Ah what would you do without him?
Fell:
* Deadass he thought you was joking. He even laughed and went to see if you were laughing. Wait….seriously? You wanna do THAT??? “Well damn shouldn’t yah take me tah dinner first-?”
* He was stalling at this point but enough begging will finally make him crumble and give in. You are so lucky he likes you and so on with his grumbling and mumbling.
* His ecto reminds you of a garnet due to the much darker tones along the edges (*Ahem* Fits him because he’s a edgelord *Ahem-*) plus he’s a lil chunky. He’s so soft 🥹
* Oh man but as tough as he tries to act, he immediately shrieks feeling your hands- “ARE YAH FUCKING DYING?! WHY ARE YAH SO DAMN COLD?!” Then you squeezing him just makes him blush all over-
* Yeah he’s definitely getting you a scarf, gloves, and extra jackets and sweaters. Buuuuut…..he still said his chest was still an option if that’s not enough.
* Ah he’s a sucker….and a sucker only to you.
#my writing#undertale au#self insert#funny#cute#killer sans#lust sans#swap sans#underswap sans#fell sans#underfell sans#undertale au headcanons#sans x reader#sans au x reader#killer sans x reader#fell sans x reader#lust sans x reader#swap sans x reader#fluffy headcanons#sfw#writing trade#request answered#gender neutral reader
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Being Sanemi’s Tsugoku
Other pillar versions (coming soon?)
A/N: it’s been a hot mother fucking minute since I’ve posted Sanemi. With Demon Slayer Sundays just a week away it’s only right that I return to my roots of posting some demon slayer content
Pink text is You — Green text is Sanemi
(Cosmo and Wanda think they slick—)
You couldn’t lie, you were initially petrified when Kagaya appointed you as Sanemi’s tsugoku
It was typical for the Hashira themselves to pick someone, usually someone they knew and trusted. Someone they could put their full faith in to fulfill their duties if it just so happen the current pillar was to lose the fight
That wasn’t the case for you. Kagaya himself appointed you for your outstanding performance and understanding of wind breathing
Needless to say, Sanemi wasn’t thrilled
“Just keep your mouth shut and maybe I won’t kill you.”
You could feel your brow twitch, you didn’t let anyone talk to you in such a tone. Wind pillar or not, you’d sooner die than be walked all over.
“Watch your tone and maybe I won’t beat your ass.”
Thus began Sanemi’s never ending torture. Torture he had to tolerate solely because Kagaya appointed you.
Hell it was likely a test at this point, put some sort of humanity in him so he wouldn’t get himself killed.
Sanemi’s training was nothing short of su!cidal, honestly by the end of the first day you were convinced he was trying to k!ll you
It consisted of training from sunrise until sunset followed by accompanying him on his patrolling. It would be a full twenty four hours until you saw your bed again.
“No wonder you look so psychotic, you don’t fucking sleep.”
He, of course, didn’t answer you. It seems he had taken his own advice to heart and decided keeping his mouth shut would save him the headache.
This intense regimen would continue for a full month, only half a day break in between so you could get some sleep.
You’d quickly learn his goal was to break you. Get you to leave the corps with your head hung low.
“Ya know, it’s kinda odd you’re so determined to get me to leave. It’s almost as if you care about me.”
“Don’t flatter yourself. The corps is no place for weaklings, nothing more than demon bait at this point.”
“Ain’t that what you’d want then? People to lure the demons to you. Makes it easier than hunting them, pretending to be the prey I mean.”
Sanemi ended that conversation with a simple glare, something in his eyes that you’d never seen before. For once you let him drop it, not willing to uncover the man’s traumas against his will.
Sanemi’s behavior towards you mellowed slightly after three months of you being his tsugoku. You simply weren’t going anywhere any time soon so he didn’t think the hard ass attitude was quite necessary.
That’s not to say he started taking it easy on you… not by a long shot actually. If anything his schedule for you only got more intense. But it was different.
You could tell he was training you with the intent of keeping you alive, not scaring you out of the corps.
“I think we’ll be friends soon.” You laughed softly as you ate your lunch, sanemi was sitting a few feet away under the shade of a tree. “I don’t make friends.” It was gruff, food getting shoved into his mouth a moment later. “Okay tough guy, you’ll realize soon enough.” All you got was a nose scrunch in return.
The thing is, you were right. Sanemi should have known it would be impossible, even for him, to spend nearly every waking moment with someone and not enjoy their presence.
Around the six month mark of being his tsugoku, you found it easier to hold a conversation with him. Especially since he’d actually entertain it. Hell you’d even crack jokes with one another. It was safe to say he tolerated you now.
And not out of obligation
“I want you to leave the corps. I’m telling Master that you aren’t up to my satisfaction.” You froze, head whipping around to see if he was joking. The look on his face told you he wasn’t. “Aren’t we past this bull shit, Shinazugawa?”
Truth was, he’d gotten attached to you in some odd way. It fucking terrified him.
“You’ll do as I say, as your overseer. You have to obey my wishes.” You couldn’t quite understand why his attitude had switched, as if six months of work had suddenly never happened. “Bull shit. What the fuck happened?” He only shook his head, not able to maintain eye contact. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
It wasn’t long before it turned into a full blow yelling match.
“I’ll tell Master you’re full of shit. Chances are he’ll fucking believe me, Shinazugawa.” For the first time, he was losing a battle in more ways than one. “Oh fuck off.” Was all he could muster, brain moving a mile a minute as he tried to figure out a better way to reason with you.
What had you done to him? He wanted to reason with you? That thought terrified him even worse.
In the end, all of his logic flew out the window as he uttered the very words he didn’t want to say out loud. Not because he didn’t mean them, but because he didn’t want to make things worse. He was already struggling with these new emotions, never mind making them known to you.
“I care about you a little too much to let you throw your life away in this hellish profession.”
That got you to freeze, eyes wide as you tried to gauge what exactly he meant by that statement. Silence hung between the two of you, you weren’t sure how long you both stood there in the back yard of his estate. But by the time you had gotten the courage to even make a noise, he was turning his back to you.
“Woah hold the fuck on! Don’t run away from me after saying something like that? Hell, Shinazugawa you never run from anything never mind me!”
For a moment he really wished some divine force would come down and kill him on the spot.
Yet, he steadied himself, realizing that you were right. He’d never run away from a fight, never mind being a coward with his own feelings. So he stopped, turning around to stop you in your tracks.
“I fucking care about you, what’s there to not understand?”
“That’s not where I’m confused you moron.”
He knew what you were implying, he knew what you wanted to hear and yet he found himself struggling. Being a Hashira gave him no right to admit he had feelings for you. It would only be cruel to you, especially since you were to be his successor.
“Shina—no—Sanemi. Explain yourself.”
That was his breaking point, eyes shutting as he exhaled slowly. Hearing his first name fall from your lips, this wasn’t exactly the situation he wanted to hear it for the first time. Yet it was enough to give him courage.
“I care about you, more than a friend, more than a tsugoku. There, happy?”
The shit eating grin that crept up your face was more than enough to show him that you were.
“See… I was right. I told you we’d become friends.”
“I just said I liked you more than a friend.”
“Fair enough, I guess it’s safe to say I underestimated you, master.”
“I’m still making you leave the corps.”
“Maybe if you offer me your hand in marriage I’ll consider it.”
He was starting to question why he even grew to like you in the first place. Though, the smile on your face had him mentally reminding himself to thank Kagaya for giving you to him.
#kny#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer imagines#demon slayer fanfic#demon slayer headcanons#hashira#shinazugawa sanemi#xxsabitoxx’s work!#sanemi x reader#sanemi x you#sanemi x y/n#shinazugawa x reader#sanemi shinazugawa#sanemi headcanons#kny sanemi#kny headcanons#kimetsu no yaiba fanfic
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Send this to a stay! Have them describe themselves and see who their followers would “Ship” them with in the group! <3
oh gosh, “ship” me with? i’m curious because i honestly can’t ship myself with any of them. 😅 i am in no way good enough for a ship with them. but this could be a fun way to tell yall more about me. :)
(update after writing: this turned rambley and is probably waaay more than you wanted. im so sorry 😬 also, this is the most i’ve ever said about myself on this app and it’s scary. so be nice to me pls, im fragile)
let’s see.. are we doing physical or personality traits? or both? this is hard! 😭
♡ i’m a shy, quiet person. i’m also very anxious. (diagnosed anxiety/depression, unmedicated {hence my unhinged posts on here sometimes}, i’m working on it. lol)
♡ chronically online (tiktok, tumblr, yt)
♡ i like all kinds of music (favorites are skz, ateez, palaye royale)
♡ i love to watch movies (marvel, ghibli, harry potter, etc. but 80s movies are my favorite) even better if we’re seeing it in theaters with popcorn and candy 😋
♡ i like to read- tho i haven’t done it in awhile apart from this app
♡ i like to write (would love to write a book one day but we’ll see lol)
♡ i would much rather stay inside and watch a movie or a kdrama (currently watching Lovely Runner and it’s wrecking me) as opposed to going out. (the anxiety, yk?)
♡ i like video games even tho i suck
♡ i like cars (mainly drift cars)
♡ i’m an aquarius if that means anything to you, i don’t know much about astrology but i find it fascinating.
♡ i’m an only child with daddy issues (hence the chan bias)
♡ i have a cat
♡ my favorite color is black, or pink, or light blue hehe
♡ i have to have my cow squishmallow named Connor to be able to sleep at night
♡ i like to play D&D with my friends on saturday nights
♡ i’m terrified of severe weather- thunderstorms i can handle, tho i get scared. but tornadoes will send me into a full on panic attack
♡ i was born in ‘95 (i’m gonna be 30 in january and i don’t want to talk about it)
♡ i rely too heavily on comfort audios on yt (aka boyfriend audios- tho i hate that term) is it cringe? yeah kinda, but it makes me happy and it helps me sleep and the asmr tickles my brain good (if you really wanna know, idk why you would, but david from audiogasm is my favorite and pretty much the only one i listen to- hello parasocial relationship)
♡ blonde hair, blue eyes, chubby. 😘
and i can’t think of anything else! which is probably a good thing because i already wrote soo much. anyways, who would you “ship” me with? 😂 (pls say chan or ill cry hehe jk)
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The Chapter 4 Essay Part 2: Gonta Gokuhara
A metapost on my thoughts on Kokichi’s overall motivations and Gonta’s actions during ch4. Split into two parts. You can find Kokichi's half here: (LINK)
This section is admittedly a little bit shorter than Kokichi’s, but that’s just because Gonta’s motivations are a lot more clear than Kokichi’s. That being said, I’m also worried that since I am so obsessed with Gonta I might forget something important that supports my point because to me its kinda self-evident. So if anything seems like it’s missing or doesn’t make sense, please let me know!
In my opinion, nothing Kokichi did to Gonta was personal, in both positive and negative ways. He didn’t target Gonta because he hated him in particular, but he also didn’t team up with him because they were already friends. Gonta was just an easy target for him to take advantage of, both for stopping Miu from killing him And in progressing his plan to stop the killing game. Gonta’s actions in chapter 4 are a combination of genuine manipulation by Kokichi using what made him an easy target, and motivation caused by Gonta’s desperation and preexisting insecurities that had been growing since the start of the killing game.
Throughout v3, the one thing that Gonta wants more than anything else is to protect his friends from the killing game. It’s pretty clear that he trusts his physical strength more than any other part of himself. The literal First thing Gonta says in a group setting with everyone else is this:
(prologue)
He doesn’t even know anyone yet! But he’s already prepared to physically defend them from the exisals! He also tries to stop Kaede’s execution along with Kaito and Tenko:
(post trial, chapter 1) (And- wait- is Gonta missing his bug box in this cg? Oh my god….)
Gonta is shown to be most confident when doing things that involve his physical strength. There’s less hesitation and uncertainty in his actions, unlike what you can often see in him during class trials or group discussions.
Gonta is also more than willing to give up his life for his friends, even as early as chapter 2.
(post trial, chapter 2) (he’s the first one to make this suggestion)
Outside of physical defense against active threats, Gonta really just wants to help his friends in any way he can. Here’s a couple examples:
(post-trial, chapter 1) (daily life, chapter 2) (daily life, chapter 3) (investigation, chapter 3)
On the other hand, Gonta has really bad self esteem issues. It’s telling enough that one of Gonta’s common floatlines is literally “Gonta idiot…” When he’s not casually calling himself dumb he’s apologizing for it. For this (and honestly, many other parts of Gonta’s character that I’m pointing out here) I really recommend just paying close attention to Gonta on a replay of the game. I could literally sit here for a week finding and listing all the times Gonta calls himself stupid, but it feels pretty self-evident considering how much he does it. Here’s just one example:
(investigation, chapter 1)
It’s the combination of his deep desire to be helpful and protect the people around him, and the repeated deaths of his classmates, that really start to wear on him as the game progresses. I think this mixes with his already present self worth issues to form a pretty nasty complex; Gonta explicitly blames himself for almost every single victim’s death in the game. Let’s walk through the chapters for a moment here:
Ryoma: “Gonta coulda saved him… No, Gonta shoulda saved him…! // When piranhas attack Ryoma… If Gonta had dived into tank… / Then… Gonta coulda help Ryoma. But Gonta got scared. Too scared to do anything. / Sorry! Gonta really sorry!”
In chapter 3, Gonta joins Angie’s student council out of his desire to protect everyone. This is made clear in how, before pulling him in, Angie compliments Gonta and calls him smart. She then says this:
(daily life, chapter 3)
This time, organized as a part of the student council and with Angie’s god on his side, Gonta hopes that he can finally be useful and successfully protect someone.
Angie: “Maybe Angie got attacked while she sleep in her room, and get brought there? / If so… Gonta coulda saved her! If only Gonta saw! / But Gonta was sleeping… Sorry, Angie… Gonta no could save you!”
…To quote my favourite V3 lets play (shortonegaming) on this moment: “He made up a version [of Angie’s death] so that he could blame himself.”
Tenko: “T-Tenko…! Gonta so sorry… Gonta no could protect you!” and then a little later “It’s all Gonta’s fault…! Gonta fail to protect friends again!” and AGAIN later “Gonta so ashamed…! Why Gonta no could protect friends!?”
That’s two deaths in a row that Gonta (at least believes) he was right next door to and failed to stop. You can see from how he says this repeatedly, with lots of dialogue from other characters in between, the sheer amount that this is impacting him.
Miu: “But… why this happen…!? Why… Miu killed!? / Gonta not understand… Gonta not understand anything… /…But Gonta frustrated and sad! Gonta no could protect Miu! // Gonta so sorry! Gonta sorry he no could protect Miu!” Even with Miu’s death, to which he’s waking up disoriented and confused, he blames himself for failing to stop it.
(Sidenote: Looking at all these reactions back to back makes Gonta’s disorientation after waking up from the virtual world SO much more visible. I left the beginning out of the quote I took, but when you first talk to him during ch4’s investigation, he doesn’t say anything for a few moments. This is very unlike his immediate, intense reactions in the earlier chapters. When he does start speaking it feels kind of disjointed, uncharacteristically calm, and confused before he starts riling himself up blaming himself for Miu’s death. I never really noticed it before looking into this. It’s kind of disturbing)
The only reason I personally think he doesn’t react this way about Rantaro immediately is due to being in shock that someone died to begin with. That doesn’t stop him from saying this not long after:
(investigation, chapter 1)
This complex- made of the desire to protect everyone, self loathing, and feelings of uselessness at being unable to help investigating due to being “stupid” and failing to protect anyone physically, the only thing he thinks he’s good at, every. single. time- only gets worse with each chapter. And in Chapter 4, Gonta finally reaches his breaking point.
At the beginning of Chapter 4, you can talk to Gonta as Shuichi is leaving to meet up with Kaito and Maki to train. He tries to stop Shuichi, worried about a murder potentially taking place at night (again), but Shuichi reassures him that he’ll stick by his friends and that he can’t break his promise to meet up with them. Gonta responds like this:
(daily life, chapter 4)
Which leads to him saying he’s made up his mind, and has a plan. Which is, of course, to try and take down Monokuma physically, even if it costs him his life. He initially drops the suggestion after Miu starts talking about the virtual world, but the day after, it’s still bothering him.
(daily life, chapter 4)
Almost every free time event you have with Gonta this chapter (except for like, one, where he talks about the “tiny bugs” he can barely see), Gonta is trying to think of ways to help.
(free time, chapter 4) His last possible free time event before Miu takes everyone into the virtual world has this dialogue, which is just so sad to me.
(free time, chapter 4)
“Helping everyone” and not being “useless” are almost the only two things Gonta talks about this chapter. It’s this mindset and motivation that made Gonta an easy target for Kokichi to take advantage of. He’s in a bad place mentally, and nothing he does seems to help anybody. Not to mention, with the student council gone, he’s suddenly just kind of… alone. There’s no one there (other than potentially Shuichi, during free time) to keep him steady.
And yeah, I am definitely not including Kokichi here. A strong reason I don’t think Gonta chose to go along with Kokichi out of friendship was because of this interaction early Chapter 4:
(daily life, chapter 4)
Gonta’s trust in Kokichi was broken because of the events of the insect meet and greet. The insect meet and greet’s implications for Kokichi and Gonta’s relationship are a bit strange, but since it’s not super relevant to chapter 4, I’m not gonna get into it. The point is, regardless of the nature of their relationship in chapter 2, it’s clear that Gonta doesn’t consider Kokichi a very trustworthy person in chapter 4. It’s likely that he doesn’t consider him a close friend either. I hesitate to say that Gonta didn’t consider him a friend at all, because he’s Gonta and he wants to have faith in everyone, but at the very least he was trying to be wary around him.
This explicit distrust in Kokichi might make it seem strange that Gonta went along with Kokichi at all in the virtual world. But in reality, Kokichi was very aware of Gonta’s distrust in him, and used it to his advantage in setting up his plot.
(daily life, chapter 4) (I skipped some dialogue in this exchange, but it hits the main points)
Kaito inadvertently eggs Gonta on here, but Kokichi literally drops the idea at Gonta’s feet. Gonta isn’t going with Kokichi to help him look, he’s going to make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble. And as Kokichi said, he knew Gonta would offer to do something like this if given the chance.
Kokichi uses Gonta’s distrust in him again when they encounter the flashback light holding the secret of the outside world together. Gonta’s immediate instinct was to go find everyone else, but Kokichi yells for him to wait, and then this happens:
(post trial, chapter 4)
He KNOWS Gonta doesn’t trust him, and with that distrust, he can make him doubt anything he says. I’ve already talked about how Gonta is ready to give up his life for everyone else, especially this chapter, so suggesting that he check if the light is a trap set up by Kokichi is guaranteed to make Gonta pause.
But it doesn’t stop there. Kokichi pushes harder:
(post trial, chapter 4)
Gonta thinks for a moment, but this is what made him choose to come back and look at the flashback light himself. Here, Kokichi uses the thing that has been haunting Gonta more than anything else all killing game, especially this chapter. He knows Gonta has tried and failed to protect people, he knows how upset it makes him. What better way would there be to convince him to do whatever he wants than to offer a way for him to finally be “useful” to everyone after failing them again and again?
Anything after this point and before Miu’s body discovery is purely headcanon, so I won’t get into my thoughts on that. But I think this moment shows that Gonta was under a lot more control that people often think. I don’t mean to say that Kokichi is entirely blameless, or that Gonta wasn’t manipulated at all. But AlterEgo!Gonta says himself, “No, [we] not tricked,” because he wasn’t. He made the choice to see the secret of the outside world on his own, and made every choice after that to continue with their plan. There was no trickery involved. It was Kokichi’s carefully chosen words that dug right into his insecurities, doubts, and hopes that directly influenced him into making the choice that he did.
You also have to keep in mind how absolutely unstable Gonta must’ve been at this point. He was already nearing a breaking point with his feelings of powerlessness before going into the virtual world, but then he got hit with the secret of the outside world. AlterEgo!Gonta openly admits that it made him feel suicidal. (“Cuz, when Gonta remember the secret of the outside world, Gonta think… /…it would be easier… to die.”) With the outside world and the killing game both inescapable hells, Gonta just couldn’t imagine any way out. And then Kokichi suggests the mercy kill plan. In his state of mind, Gonta truly believed that this could be the way to finally “save” everyone.
Of course, Kokichi had only just recently seen the secret of the outside world too. Even though he must have known it wasn’t true, he had no idea the extent to which it was a lie versus the truth. He probably wasn’t in a very good mental state either. But still, just like he would do again in chapter 5 to everyone else, Kokichi used the despair caused by the secret of the outside world to get Gonta to go along with his plan.
This is what I believe was the driving force behind Gonta’s half of the Kokichi and Gonta dynamic in chapter 4. Gonta’s self loathing, which was present before the killing game began, compounded with his desire to be useful and protect everyone else from the threats of the killing game. As more people died, Gonta became more and more desperate to do literally anything to help everyone else. Kokichi used these things about Gonta to push him to do what he wanted him to.
…To close off, there’s this moment right before Gonta and Kokichi leave to kill Miu that’s really stuck with me.
(daily life, chapter 4) (Read left to right, top to bottom)
It’s not common for the other characters to defend Gonta’s intelligence. But Kaito, unknowingly, says just the right thing to Gonta at just the wrong time. Knowing that Gonta was about to set things in motion to mercy kill everyone for this exact reason… I wonder if Kaito remembered this moment. Maybe it was just another reason he got so defensive over him during trial 4. I just wish he had said something like this to him sooner.
If you got all the way here and read all this… first of all. THANK YOU! Oh my god. I’ve been working on this essay for several days now between studying for my finals. It feels really great to have it all written out after literal years of loving V3 and loving this chapter. Please, please, please let me know your thoughts! Even if you disagree with me! Chapter 4 is so special to me and I love talking about it!! o/
(Screenshots taken on youtube from justonegamr, Bittersweet Gamers, ShortOneGaming, ProZD Plays Games, and my own copy of v3 on IOS. Thank you @/ishimaruhourglass for helping me find some of these!)
#gonta gokuhara#danganronpa#danganronpa v3#drv3#ndrv3#gokuhara gonta#drv3 spoilers#ndrv3 spoilers#id in alt text#meta post#long post#(Again sorry for no readmore- in the event that I deactivate or change username I want this post to still be readable)#caveat again that this is based on the english localization only#Thank you for reading!! I'm pretty proud of this#shut up me
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I have Arcane photos! (And thoughts!)
Ok so as far as I know all these are legit for the Annecy festival where they might drop some more s2 hints on 6/12 (personally I don’t think any trailers are coming until Sept/Oct like they did for S1 but that’s my thoughts on that) moving on,
First photo,
Clearly on the outside of the building, Vi looks similar to one of the generic poses she was holding in s1 posters so I don’t have much to say on her. Caitlyn on the other hand looks outright pissed, which I don’t blame her considering I’m one of the people convinced Cassandra’s biting the dust due to Fishbones, ngl I think they’re also using one of Ekko’s frames from ep 7 fighting Jinx so I don’t have much to say on him either as for Jinx it’s hard to tell where her eyeline is directly hitting I think it’s just generically at the three of them and of course her eyes still gleaming with Shimmer.
Next,
This one shows more of our Topsider friends, you can make out Victor, Ekko again, Sevika’s right next to him (you can tell by the nose and snarl on her lips) I think that may be Cait popping up again but I wasn’t sure cause Cait doesn’t really wear lipstick, Heimerdinger right next to them with his usual panicked expression, and in the lower right hand corner you can just make out Mel which means we’re probably seeing her post Fishbones (yay for Not-So-Average-Fangirl the ❤️Art❤️ has survived. Srry I just thought that was funny) Anyway, I don’t see Jayce here but he’s one of the few that I said is absolutely surviving into S2 mostly cuz I don’t think they could go on without wonder boy.
And lastly (for now),
This is clearly supposed to foil the S1 poster with young Vi and Powder where a scared Powder was looking directly at the audience. And, while Vi’s embrace of Powder was protective, this doesn’t hold that same merit to me at least. And this may just be me but Jinx’s eyebags look Significantly darker than episode 9 sooo yea she’s not doing better and Vi looks outright terrified (not that I blame her, honestly) and it looks like she’s just kinda starting off while Jinx has remained looking at the audience.
(Yea so I don’t have more unfortunately but as soon as I do you know I’ll be frantically posting it. Also my autocorrect keeps trying to put Ekko as Elmo and it’s really annoying 🤬)
#arcane#arcane season 2#annecy festival#2024#vi arcane#jinx arcane#caitlyn kiramman#ekko arcane#sevika#Mel#the art#not so average fan girl#news#and thoughts#kinda
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