#”i check every day just in case”
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are you okay with gay men following you? ik it's not in your dni (i check every day just in case), but i really enjoy your content. it is hard to find some male reader fics, but i am honestly fine with gn/fem reader sometimes.
i just want to make sure you're okay with me following you.
i am CRYING. I HOPE I DIDNT SOUND LIKE I DONT WANT GUYS TO FOLLOW ME!! no no no you are completely fine don’t worry about it. everyone is welcome here unless ofc you are a hater to me/big groups of ppl. i’m sorry i don’t write for male reader! wish i could help :/
#💌 - love letters#secret admirer#”i check every day just in case”#i love u so much i’m crying#so sweet of u
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i haven't been this not okay in over a year and i do not miss it and i do not want it
#good to know i can still spiral this hard and catastrophize as well as i ever did DESPITE EVERY TECHNIQUE I KNOW.#and yoga. and breathing. and cold water and ice. and logic. and distractions. and thought reframing.#teeth aren't a moral judgement EXCEPT THEY FEEL LIKE THEY ARE#I feel like I'm going to ACTUALLY DIE. ACTUALLY DIE#I was JUST the other day so grateful it's been so long since I was mostly dissociated instead of mostly present and now all I want is to be#checked the FUCK out and also not exist so I don't have to go tomorrow#pull yourself together @ me you have objectively already survived much worse#and you have it much better than it could be#and worst case scenarios are still dealable-with even though they don't feel like it#unhelpfully. all my brain wants to do is tell every person i know that i'm freaked out and terrified and full of shame and guilt and dread#and want COMFORT AND ATTENTION#and it's like bitch you wouldn't even accept it if you asked and they DID give it to you. you are so fucked up right now. chill. OUT.#@ all of you I am SO sorry i'm liveblogging my breakdown today. i'm scared to open my journal and spiral more so this is all I've got#I'll be done with this mode by the end of tomorrow I promise#shh katie
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is this what addiction feels like
thank you so much for every single person out there who is just as mentally deranged as i am, i love you with all that is left of my heart 🫶🫶🫶❤️❤️❤️❤️
#1000 likes#tumblr milestone#tysm for the pretty people that liked my posts#tysm for that one woman that was my first follower even though she posted cooking recipes and cat videos in five different languages#(i hadn’t even posted anything)#uhm#tysm for ann that shows me support with each post i make no matter how stupid and lifts me up with her kickass talents and how i get a rush#of happiness each time i get a comment or message from her#tysm for wil (can i call you that?) that gave me the motivation to post in those first few days when he sent me the ask that gave me a#severe serotonin boost#tysm for james that could be quite literally the sweetest being alive#also tysm for jhonny you’re cool asf i want to study your brain and write a case study and publish it#and thank you so much to all my mutuals i might never say anything to you but i regularly check your posts and love y’all#also tysm to those that like my insanity fueled content (i do recognize your user every time you like one of my posts lol)#so uhm#thank you a lot for making my stay here wonderful#i hope it’s going to last a long time#you all just keep being awesome
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idk if john will ever realize just how many times his big sister has had to mourn him because his idiot ass showed up on her doorstep to say a "final goodbye" and then just dropped off the grid for months afterwards. figure out the cell phone thing, man.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#i think every day about the dangerous habits arc and the way he said bye to cheryl & left chas a note & then just. didn't die#and then didn't go back and call ANYONE to check in bc he got distracted catching up & getting back together with kit#he loves cheryl with all his life but he is NOT good at staying in contact#and like 60% of the time he handwaves it as 'i would have put her in danger' when that is simply not always the case#he's just truly awful at keeping in touch with people#the pitfalls of only living day to day instead of making long-term plans#this is true for most people he knows btw there's a good chance that if you're his friend you won't see him for Months on end#and then he'll just swan in out of nowhere aiming to pick up where he left off. that's not how that works buddy#tbh the best way to figure out if he's alive or not is through rumors and with his reputation? that's not a great source of info#( headcanons. ) I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE.#sched.
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begging people to realize that the back warehouse of a grocery store is not a second, secret grocery store that has everything you need plus some extra secret items the first grocery store does not have
#look it probably varies from store to store#but at least where i work the back is a fucking mess.#like. you're imagining neat tidy shelves and specific sections for each product#that is not what the back is. it's a disorganized hellhole with every type of product piled haphazardly on top of each other#wheelers lying around with the most random items.#you have to understand that if a grocery worker were to 'check in the back' for something#it would likely take 10ish minutes if it WAS there.#and like. stuff like produce isn't just going to be kept in boxes in the back either. or meat or seafood.#if they have sellable meat or produce they're not just going to stick it in some deep freezer in the back#and wait for it to become two days away from unsellable before they bring it out.#with those departments especially if they have something you want it is going to be on display#and if it's not they don't have it.#stuff like soda is a bit easier to find usually#but even then there's so many different brands all piled together in crates on the same wheeler#not even opened#and i hate to say it but most grocery workers honestly just have more important things to do#than go rooting around like truffle pigs in the back for the stuff you want.#they might be doing price change or they might be stocking a new product#or they might be trying to fill a central display case#or they might be filling an online shopping order and thus on a time crunch#and even if none of those are the case a grocery worker can get called away to a different task on a dime.#they can't just drop everything to hunt in the back for whatever fucking granola bars you want so bad.#absolutely we can tell you where things are#and we can recommend alternatives to out of stock items. sure. but you'll only be wasting your time and ours#if you ask us to check for something in the back.
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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Posted to female oncology ward for these two weeks and all I can say is cancer is cruel but amidst that pain and sorrow, you can really see true love in that ward
#saying this in light of one of my group's fav patient that passed away after my shift last morning#shes in her early 30s and was a teacher and was diagnosed with breast cancer that metastases to lung and cervical lymph nodes#she was weak since she was admitted last week and usually just sleep but shes so nice every time we administered medication to her#or even when we check her vital signs despite how tired she was#her husband is a teacher too and as of late hes there every day as her condition deteriorated#apparently she wanted to undergo chemotherapy but her first cycle led to some severe side effects so her doctor doesn't allowed it#when we read the case note before clocking out the shift yesterday theres a psychiatrist entry so yeah#her husband was just caressing her hands as she slept yesterday and he looks obviously pained when my friend asked what had she eaten#because we need to fill the intake output chart and yeah she was unable to eat much anyway#it was very sad to see her husband wiping his tears silently by her bedside#and then we came to the ward this morning to find out she had passed away and there was a discharge note on her case note#apparently she supposedly will be discharged today so that she will be able to go at home#turned out she left first..#it rained the whole morning today and it kind of summarizes the mood of our group members this morning#it was sad obviously but when i think about it you can really see how much her husband really cared for her until the end#i hope he will be able to heal and that may her soul rest in peace#personal.txt
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It's a bit funny that to parts of my circles I'm 'the fandom one'/'the fanfic one'/'the shipping one' as the person they know most prominently into such things
because as much as i love writing my fics and shipping my ships my interest in both of those things is, I think, very narrow and specific compared to most people who are into them? due to my habits being like. very particular
#i think some ppl think of me as ahh my buddy who is always reading fanfic and i'm like. look. i would LIKE to be that. but i'm not#it's comically difficult to get me to sit down and read a new fanfic. for no discernable reason#the fandoms i like to read for don't even have big fic scenes but i've still checked out such a narrow portion of them#(and these fandoms are like. just a few. leaving aside MiA's dead tag. LOGH + T&B + Vorkosigan + ...anything else here would be a lie)#(Queen's Thief + Temeraire + TMA are on the backburner rn for reading fic but they were faves before yet i read SO little of what existed)#(everything else i just check out very occasionally or when directly recc'd)#i think mmmaaaybe 'my buddy who reads tons of fic' would be the case if there were new fics about the sages coming out every day#they're sort of a unique hyperfixation for me lol#but there are NOT. instead there are ((checks))#four (4) english language belavue fics on AO3 that are not by me#AND two of them i would say do not actually have any ship content and were likely just tagged that to be safe#as far as non ship content there are ((checks again)) 21 English language fics tagged with Belaf and I wrote 13 of them ........#(and 17 for Vueko and i wrote 10. two of the others barely mention her and shouldn’t be tagged lol) …guys i'm starving............#ok you read to the bottom of the tags you get to hear a selfish wish#i kind of hope that someday...someone will...write some fic about the sages either because of me or for me#gen or ship it doesnt matter#but this kind of thing usually happens in AO3 exchanges though and there aren't ones in this fandom because the fic scene is so miniscule#i'm literally running one right now off AO3 but have a feeling it will end up being mostly art and also didn't put myself in as a requester#since the people participating have largely made stuff for me as gifts before and i have a glut of lovely work from them#and again that exchange will mostly end up being art i feel and not fic. but some other time... i still wish ... more fic... pleae..plaeabs#there are very specific reasons i don't want to host an MiA fic exchange through AO3. i can guess the kind of stuff some people will reques#(the kind of stuff that's already in the tag.) and it's not stuff i feel like moderating an exchange involving >_> so i won't#but god.. ... ..... someday......i hope....there can be an exchange where i ask for somethinga bout these people.............
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well i'm having an evening, certainly
#friday chats#it's one of those days where every little misfortune piles up and then you feel like shit#the most recent being i noticed i chipped my 3DS. when it's closed on the hinge side right below the right camera button#three little pieces have cracked off. and i have them still so i'm inquiring to a friend if i can superglue it#but i know how it cracked and it's my own fault#(kept it in my backpack's side pocket w/o its case and setting said backpack down too hard must've done it)#i've had this thing nearly ten years and it's still in pretty darn good condition! i'm really upset that i've chipped it!!#it's got a ton of memories attached to it and i still use it all the time!!! and it still works perfectly fine i turned it on to check#but i've tarnished something important to me and it sucks knowing that when i've taken such good care of it for this long.#and i know i'm kind of focusing on this one thing#but it's like. a tangible thing. not the intangible worries and stresses i'm dealing with. so it's easier. if that makes sense?#bc good GOD do i have plenty of intangible things on my back right now#just. eugh. hopefully tomorrow will be better :/
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OKAY. I TH. *LOOKS AROUND NERVOUSLY* I THINK THATS ALL THE BOTS BLOCKED NOW
#me tag🍭#unless some more followed while i was blocking (possible)#i just checked Every Single Blog following me#some blogs i wasnt 100% on got softblocked just in case#god i hope its all good now. this has taken up literally my whole day
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You ever see something online thats like "hey guys maybe stop doing cocaine and going to fight club every week and it will help with your depression" and then theres like fifteen comments underneath it saying "UMMMM op have you considered that some of us go to fight club because it's the only social function we have enough courage to participate in and the cocaine is just for every few days to help with our ADHD symptoms??? Have you ever considered that you filthy ableist??? Also I do both of them to get rid of the depression in the first place so maybe think before you speak and hurt someone :/" and you just gotta look at your computer like.
#hey eat good food and stop slamming back five red bulls a day#then you might actually feel better.#shout out to tom cardy for making a song where the message was just that and everyone jumped on his case about it like "uh no thanks!#I think ill keep smoking weed every night when I'm supposed to be taking care of my dog and nervously checking social media every half hour#This is one of them ouroboros situations I fear yall.#anyways. rant post. ignore me. or don't because this objectively true but
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Not to state the obvious, but you post exclusively Bungou Stray Dogs and Tango and that is really funny to me. Your style is very cute.
It’s a weird combo isn’t it 😭
Basically nothing similar between the two. Bsd, a silly show with its silly characters, and a silly red-stoner man Mr Tek whom I love.
Thank you so much though <3
#I’m still trying to catch up on bsd stuff like their light novels#tango is a silly case though#I just check the tangotek tag every hour of the day#that’s been going on for like ten months now 😭#yaoyaps
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i'm honestly a little confused as to why there are so many people shipping THK with master grimm? what's the basis for it. my knowledgeable bugheads grant your wisdom
#is this just another case of slapping two characters into a relationship for the sake of shipping#quacks#well maybe ''many'' is an exaggeration on my part but every few days i check the tag there seems to be something new for that ship#lately that is
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Hey guys guess what!
I know this is going to shock you entirely but I think my family fucked me up a little, mentally, about a lot of important parts of daily life and I'm still learning where shit is coming from on a day to day - or sometimes hour by hour - basis!
#okay to reblog#if you so choose#was going into my habit of feeling like i have to hide that i'm getting food in the middle of the day#especially if it's not like ''food'' food and realized hey! there was a lot of shit in my time living with my parents that has just#super screwed me in the brain space because it is not normal to worry about someone else coming behind you#to catalog every crumb you take from the cabinet to berate you for eating ''too much''#and then expecting to be punished for *checks notes* consuming the minimum required daily caloric intake for a grown adult human being#like jesus fuck i know i was doing this when i lived alone too like#fucking hell#this is the first place i've lived where i've been told regularly and gently that i'm allowed to just eat and it's okay#i don't need to apologize for taking the last of something#i don't need to hide the evidence that i've eaten food outside of specific eating hours#i...i might have a super fucked up relationship with food tbh#tw disordered eating#i'm only discussing it in the tags but like might as well put that on there just in case
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i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today
#but i got my p*riod and cotaught on tuesday and broke up w my counselor on monday and a few days before that redacted redacted so im ph#physically and emotionally exhausted but we have this program tonight until 7 and then 2 trainings tomorrow andi have like 2 meetings inbetw#between those. and i just want to sleep and/or lie down w a heating pad bc my cramps have been brutal this time around. literally could#barely get work done on tuesday bc i was in AGONY and forgot my heating pad and no one could bring it to me from home but it s like i have n#nowhere on campus to lie down or get checked out or anything bc im not a student anymore so i need to just writhe at my desk (<- i have one#of those now finally btw 🥹💗) and jusf hope i don’t pass out. and i didn’t but it was so bad and im not recovered from it yet. idk.#everything is so much. there are some intense and in some cases horrible things happening. iwwish we had time to pause and process them and#that we weren’t so tired and stretched all the time. i wish we didn’t have all these pressures to worry about. i wish we could just have#time to love each other and check in truly and to support each other bc we are friends before we are colleagues methinks and i jsut want us#to be ok and happy and rested and healthy. idk. augh#delete later#purrs#also i think i am not normal when it comes to cramps btw. i think maybe it might not be normal to be in this much pain. or maybe im just#weak or have a low pain tolerance but i feel like it’s a lot worse than it used to be + i get cramps at Other times too and it’s ummmm bad.#ask to tag#like how absolutely insane that this is a huge part of my life and i feel like i can’t even talk abt it and it’s so embarrassing but it#literaly is like.. every other week im scared that im gonna be unable to function bc of pain but i literally say nothing at all and just smi#smile and pretend im fine and barely talk abt it. i don’t think that’s good or normal. and i think ppl should talk abt p*ripds more so it’s#not as weird or bad or gross or cringe whatever to talk abt being in pain and to accommodate urself or whatever despite other ppl knowing#abt it. cringeeeee augh i don’t want to be one of Those people but like. it’s bad and i fucking hate it
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‘Write everyday!’ Advice sounds really stupid/unsustainable when you’re used to sitting down and writing 10k words for 8 hours straight once every 6-8 months but it does, admittedly, work.
#ra speaks#personal#writing#both academically and creatively in my case#it’s easier to not set a goal of words/lines/pages and just put: writing y/n on my planner#so I can say either yes I did write or no I didn’t#and when you’re like me and live for the Checklist#it becomes easy to sit down and write for a few minutes no matter how shitty my day#bc I need that dopamine from checking off my planner items every day
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