#hey eat good food and stop slamming back five red bulls a day

[hereforthefunnyguys]

You ever see something online thats like "hey guys maybe stop doing cocaine and going to fight club every week and it will help with your depression" and then theres like fifteen comments underneath it saying "UMMMM op have you considered that some of us go to fight club because it's the only social function we have enough courage to participate in and the cocaine is just for every few days to help with our ADHD symptoms??? Have you ever considered that you filthy ableist??? Also I do both of them to get rid of the depression in the first place so maybe think before you speak and hurt someone :/" and you just gotta look at your computer like.

[morrisondauthor]

“Behind the Platform”

           I remember a time when I enjoyed doing a photoshoot with Jamal. We’d smile and have fun while the photographer snapped shots of us and the mood would be so genuine. After the photoshoot, we’d go back home and have sex like two wild animals. Hell, there were times where we couldn’t even make it home and we’d have to get it on in the back of his Chevrolet Tahoe. I truly missed those moments. Now, five years into our relationship, I constantly found myself wondering if being with him was still worth it.

           “Turn your head toward me,” the photographer directed as he got in position to take another shot.

           I turned my head towards him while facing the wall and he snapped a few shots of me. When I looked up and saw the way Jamal was watching me from across the room, a shiver ran up my spine. I could tell he was still angry because of the argument we had the night before. He hadn’t said a word to me that morning but every time he stared at me; I could feel his anger. When the time came for him to join me, he finally spoke to me.

           “I wanna do a separate shoot, Corey,” he told me as he took his shirt off. “I’m not really in the mood to do that lame ass couple shit.”

           “Lame ass couple shit?” I asked. “You really are on some other shit today. We’re supposed to send in solo pics and pics of us together. They’re not gonna pick us for the ad if we don’t.”

           “So?”

           “Jamal…”

           “Can you go the fuck on already? You’re done.”

           “This little pissy attitude of yours is really getting old. I can’t believe you’re this mad because I used the last bit of laundry detergent last night. It is not that damn serious. All you had to do was take your ass down to the store and buy some more.”

                                           Me (Corey McMillan)

           “It ain’t even about that.”

           “Oh, what the fuck ever, Jamal. I’ve had it with you picking petty shit to argue with me over. And I’m tired of defending your stank ass attitude whenever my friends are visiting.”

           “Fuck your bitch ass friends. All they do is talk shit and eat my food and junk up my apartment.”

           “Your apartment?!”

           “Yes! I pay most of the bills up in that mothafucka! You’ve had it with me, huh? I’ve been had it with your sorry ass! Now get the fuck out my way!” He pushed me out of the way so that he could begin his session with the photographer.

                                               Jamal Grant

           Everyone working around the room was staring at me and I was so embarrassed. It was the first time we’d had an argument in front of strangers. The fact that he could talk to me like that in public had me on the verge of crying. It’s one thing to talk to me like that when we were at home, but it’s another to do it while we were at a photoshoot to promote our brand. It was like professionalism meant nothing to him anymore. I was beginning to believe nothing, including me, meant anything to him anymore.

           My relationship with Jamal began during our senior year of high school. We’d known each other since ninth grade but it wasn’t until our last year at Braxton-Jacobs High that we noticed each other. Things moved very fast between us and after we graduated, he came out to his parents. They didn’t accept him and threw him out of their home. My parents wouldn’t let him come live with us so I turned down the chance to go to a local university and left with Jamal. He had a cousin living in Los Angeles so we traveled all the way to the other side of the country. While living with his cousin, we began vlogging on YouTube and that was the beginning of it all.

           Our YouTube channel, JCGrantENT, grew into a pretty big business venture for us. We got all kinds of endorsements and had millions of subscribers as well as large followings on several social media accounts. The thing I loved about it the most was that we had a platform to promote being black and gay in America. We had a voice and influence in things that mattered and no price could be put on something that valuable. It was so sad that after building such a platform, we’d reduced ourselves to pretending to still be happy. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time we actually were happy.

           “Don’t forget the damn detergent,” he snapped at me as I was getting out of his Tahoe at the grocery store. He handed me the debit card in a rude manner without even looking at me.

           I snatched the card from him and asked, “Do you want anything else?”

           “We’re low on Red Bull and get me some Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its.”

           I slammed the door and headed into the store. After putting the laundry detergent, Red Bull and a box of Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its in the shopping cart, I headed over to the restrooms because I had to pee. I left the shopping cart by the water fountain and hurried into the men’s room. When I got in there and saw my fitness trainer Kevonte taking a selfie, I called out, “Hey, Kevonte.”

           He looked at me and smiled as he said, “Wassup, Corey.”

                                                   Kevonte

           “Wow, this is my first time seeing you outside of the gym.”

           “Yeah, I know. How are you?”

           “I’m good. You?”

           “Same. I’m supposed to be picking up a few things but thought I’d come in here and take a pic for the Gram since I’m in a mood.”

           I laughed and said, “I feel you.”

           “See you around.”

           “Alright, later.” After I watched him leave, I went over to a urinal and relieved myself. I then washed my hands and when I headed out of the bathroom, I was surprised to see Kevonte standing by my cart. “I thought you were going to pick up the items you needed?”

           “I am but I was hoping we could talk while I did that. I see you already got your stuff.”

           “I still gotta get some bananas.” I began pushing the cart and he walked alongside me. “What do you want to talk about?”

           “Well, you haven’t been at the gym in a couple of weeks. Everything alright with you?”

           “Yeah, everything is fine.”

           “Are you and your dude still having problems?”

           “Um…not really.”

           “That’s good. I don’t see how anybody could be mad at you for a long time anyway.”

           I blushed and rolled my eyes as we made it to the produce section. I grabbed two bunches of bananas and put them in the shopping cart before asking him, “Will you be working with anyone else tomorrow?”

           “Nope, I’m free tomorrow. You wanna get in a good workout?”

           “I sure do.”

           “Cool, I’ll think of some good routines to put together for you. I hope you’re ready to put in some work. You know how intense I like to get with it.”

           “Oh, I know.”

           “You know what?” Jamal asked, popping up out of nowhere.

           “Baby, what are you doing in here?” I asked. “I got everything and I’m about to go to the register.”

           He put his finger in Kevonte’s face and asked, “Who the fuck is this nigga?”

           “Whoa, get your finger out my face, bruh,” Kevonte said as he pushed Jamal’s hand away.

           “I know you didn’t just put your hands on me!”

           “Jamal, stop!”

           “You might be taller than me but I will fuck you up, my nigga.”

           “Jamal!”

           Kevonte took off his backpack and told me, “You better get your lil’ man, Corey. Because I ain’t the one.”

           “I ain’t the one either, nigga! What the fuck is good?”

           I put the shopping cart in between them and pushed Jamal back while telling him, “You are making yourself look so fucking stupid! Kevonte is my gym trainer!”

           “I heard what y’all were just talking about. He said something about doing routines and getting intense. Corey, if you’re fuckin’ this nigga I swear…”

           “My dude, I got a girlfriend,” Kevonte snapped. “I am straight. You really need to chill.” He gave me a look and asked, “Are you gonna be okay?”

           “Man, you need to fuckin’ walk away,” Jamal said to him. “Asking my boyfriend if he’s gonna be okay. I’m really about to lay hands on your bitch ass!”

           “I’ll be fine,” I told Kevonte. “I’m really sorry about this.”

           He gave Jamal a look and Jamal stared back at him until he began to walk away. Once he was gone, Jamal looked at me and said, “Go pay for this shit and then bring your dumb ass outside. Had me out in the car waiting forever on your ass!”

           He continued to talk out loud as he walked away from me and everyone near me stared. For the second time that day, I felt so embarrassed. I paid for our items and as I walked back out to his truck, I prayed that he would just drop it and go back to not saying anything to me. I was so afraid of one of us saying something that we couldn’t take back. We were halfway home when he decided to break his silence.

           “Did he fuck you?” he asked while keeping his eyes on the road.

           “I’m not even answering that,” I replied. “Because you’re not going to believe anything I say anyway.”

           “Corey, just be honest with me. Has he ever fucked you or did you give him head or anything?”

           “Jamal, he is straight.”

           “But you’re attracted to him, right?”

           “No!”

           “You never mentioned that nigga to me.”

           “Because we never talk like that anymore. I try to tell you things and you just tune me out. Jamal, I’m really fed up today. Just leave me alone.”

           “You’re fed up? I’m tired of your bullshit, too. I’m tired of your friends always coming over and I’m tired of your bitching! Now, you got some nigga about to fight me up in the damn grocery store!”

           “Oh my God! You’re the one who came in trippin’ when I told you he’s just my gym trainer!”

           “A gym trainer you never told me about! Is he really even a gym trainer?” He stopped at a red light and waited for me to say something but when I didn’t, he shook his head and said, “You know what, fuck you.”

           The moment he said that to me, I realized that he wasn’t the same Jamal Grant that I fell in love with back in high school. That person simply did not exist anymore. The way he said it was so blasé as if he just didn’t care how I would take it. On the rest of the ride home, I didn’t say another word to him. I was so upset that I felt like crying but I kept it all inside. We made it home and I hopped out of his truck and hurried inside our apartment building. I went up to our apartment and into the kitchen and made myself a glass of ice water. When he came in with the grocery bags, something just snapped inside me.

           “You need to pack some of your stuff and leave for a day or two,” I told him.

           He looked at me and responded, “I pay half the rent in here. I’m not going anywhere.”

           “You’re the one with the problem so you should remove yourself from the situation, Jamal. I’m not going to sit here and allow you to talk to me that way. I am an adult just like you are and that means we discuss things in a civil manner. I understand you’re jealous…”

           “Jealous?” He smirked and said, “I ain’t jealous of any damn thing. That overgrown ass nigga ain’t shit for me to be jealous over.”

           “You pose for pictures and laugh it up with so many other guys yet you can’t stand for me to have a conversation with my gym trainer in a grocery store? You are so wrong. And then you have the audacity to talk to me like some random guy off the streets.”

           “Corey…”

           “Pack some of your shit right now and go stay with one of your friends. Do you need me to call one of them and ask if it’s okay?”

           “I’m not going anywhere, Corey. You might as well get over yourself.” He placed the grocery bags and detergent on the counter before telling me, “Put that stuff up. I gotta go take a piss.”

           He left the kitchen and ran upstairs and after I took the few groceries out of the bag and put them away, I went upstairs and into our bathroom. He was at the sink washing his hands so when he looked up into the mirror and saw me standing there, I told him, “I can pack some stuff for you.”

           “I already told you I’m not going anywhere. And you’re not either. You’re not getting me out of here so you can bring that punk bitch up in here and you’re not going to go stay with him.”

           “See, this is why I don’t tell your insecure ass anything.”

           “I’m insecure now?”

           “You’ve always been insecure. But I make excuses for your insecurities and I have to stop doing that.”

           He laughed a little and asked, “You really are on some shit today, aren’t you?”

           “I’m not the one acting like a child today. I’m serious, Jamal. I want you to leave.”

           “You say that now and then like thirty minutes later you’re gonna want to do a prank video for YouTube.”

           “I guess I’m going to have to prove how serious I am.”

           I left the bathroom and went into our bedroom. I pulled one of his luggage bags from his side of our closet and opened it on the floor. When I began snatching some of his clothes down and dropping them into the bag, he pushed me deeper into the closet and shouted, “Don’t touch my fucking clothes! See, there you go playing and shit!”

           “I’m not playing with you, Jamal! Get your shit and get the fuck out!”

           I stood there and waited for him to pull some of his own clothes down but when he didn’t, I bent down and grabbed a pair of his shoes. He knocked them out of my hand and when I tried to get him out of my way, he punched me. And it wasn’t a light punch or a little smack; he punched me in my mouth with his fist closed as hard as he could. Immediately, the look on his face changed and tears filled his eyes. I was in shock for about a second but the moment I tasted blood; I went crazy on him. I lost count of how many times I hit him back. I kneed him in the balls and when he went down, I ran out of that closet as fast as I could. He was right behind me though and almost caught me as I ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

           “Baby, I’m so sorry,” he said through sobs as he knocked on the door. “Corey, please open the door. I swear to God I didn’t mean to do that.”

           “Fuck you, Jamal!” I shouted. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how busted my lip was. I began crying as I screamed, “You motherfucker!”

           “Oh my God, baby. I fucked up. I didn’t mean to do that shit. Come out here and hit me as hard as you want to and I promise I won’t do that shit again. Baby, please!”

           I reached into my pocket to grab my phone but realized it wasn’t there. I’d left it downstairs on the kitchen counter. As angry as I was with him, I was angrier with myself. I let it get to that point instead of calling one of my friends or his friends to help diffuse our argument or help one of us leave the apartment before it went too far. Still, he crossed a line when he punched me. I just never expected him to ever do something like that to me.

           “Corey, please just come out and let me know you’re alright. Don’t go silent on me, baby. I love you so much and you know I would never do some shit like that to you on purpose. I just…I got so mad. It’s all my fault and I promise you I will make it up to you somehow.”

           “You can’t.”

           “What? What did you say, baby?”

           “I said you can’t, Jamal. You can’t make this up to me and you…” I got choked up but continued, “I really need you to go for a walk or a drive right now.”

           “I’ll do anything. How long do you want me to go?”

           “Go away for two hours. I need like two hours.”

           “And you’ll be here when I get back?”

           I almost broke down as I lied, “Yeah. I’ll be here, baby.”

           “Okay. I’m gonna go downstairs and get some ice for my eye and then I’m gonna go for a drive. I love you, Corey. I love you.”

           He waited for me to say it back but after a little while, he gave up and I heard him go downstairs. I listened closely as he moved around in the kitchen and when I heard the front door open and close, I unlocked the door and left the bathroom. I went downstairs and made sure he was gone before I ran back upstairs and packed some clothes and essential items I’d need. I randomly chose a friend in my phone and called to ask if I could stay with her for a little while. She told me I could and I caught a Lyft to her place. That night, I sent a long text to Jamal telling him that we were over and that I’d be back to get my things soon. I then blocked him before he could respond to the text.

           “Those boxes are going to storage,” I told the movers as I pointed to the boxes. “Please be careful with them.”

           “Yes, sir,” said one of the movers.

           “You don’t have to put some of your stuff in storage, Corey,” my friend Nick said to me. “I have enough room for it.”

           “Nope. I am only staying with you and Darnell until I can save up enough money to get my own place. That shouldn’t take me long. I’ve already withdrawn my half of the money from me and Jamal’s joint account so it won’t take much added to it to have enough to get my own place.”

           “I still can’t believe it’s over between you two. I mean; damn, y’all were together before you even moved out here from back east.”

           “I’d been having doubts, Nick. We’d been arguing more and more and when he did what he did…I just didn’t have any option other than this.”

           “You’re stronger than me. If Darnell ever hit me, I’d still stay with him with my low self-esteem ass.”

           I laughed a little and said, “Darnell would never hit you though. He has too much respect for you to ever do that.”

           “Unlike me, huh?” Jamal asked as he entered the apartment.

           “You told me you weren’t going to be here, Jamal. I’m calling the police.”

           “Baby, wait. I’m not here to hurt you. I just needed to see you in person. It feels like it’s been forever.”

           “It’s only been two weeks.”

           “That is an eternity when it means being away from you. Please, I really need to say some things to you that I probably won’t get to say after you leave this apartment. Can we have a moment alone?”

           “Nope, whatever you have to say will have to be said in front of Nick and these movers walking around in here.”

           “Okay, I can do that.” He moved closer to me and looked into my eyes as he began, “Corey, I apologize for putting my hands on you. I honestly don’t know what got into me and I have already signed up for counseling. We can put JCGrantENT on pause while we work through this. I can sleep down here on the sofa. I won’t go to any parties or hang out with my boys and I’ll do anything you need me to do. You are my everything, Corey.”

           “Are you done?”

           Tears rushed to his eyes as he pleaded, “Baby, please take some time to think about this. You know you’re all I have. You were there when my family threw me out. I don’t have anybody else and you know that. Now, I take full responsibility for everything. I know I have work to do and I am going to do it and I know one day I’ll be the man you fell in love with again.” He waited for me to say something but I just looked at him. As if I’d just punched him in his chest, he began breathing heavily as his tears rolled down his face. He placed his hand on his chest and managed to say, “You’re looking at me like this is the last time we’re going to see each other.”

           “That’s because it probably is. I have spent the last two weeks trying to come up with a reason to stay with you and…it shouldn’t be that hard. I love you; I know that much. I miss the way things were between us. But baby, there is a disconnection between us and it happened when we were in your truck that day and you told me, ‘fuck you.’ For those words to even leave your mouth the way they did was enough for me to know you lost whatever amount of respect you had left for me. It was that lack of respect that told you it was okay to punch me in my mouth.”

           “But Corey…”

           “No.” I tried to fight back my tears but once again, the tears won. They streamed down my face as I stared into his eyes and told him, “I would rather be alone than give you another chance. You’re simply not worth it. And I’m not saying that to break you, I’m saying it because it’s the truth and I’ve always kept it real with you. I left my family to move out here and start this life with you. That was your chance, Jamal! That was the opportunity I gave you! It was the only one I was ever willing to give you.”

           “What about our platform? Huh? What about the young black gay men who look up to us? We work for foundations that raise money for all kinds of causes. This relationship is bigger than just us, Corey.”

           “We’ve been lying to all of our fans and everyone else for a while now. We pretend to be happy for social media and I can’t even remember the last time I actually laughed with you or did a damn prank video that was real and not staged! It’s time for some honesty.”

           “And what about our future? We were supposed to get married and you were gonna change your name to Corey McMillan-Grant and…”

           “It’s over, Jamal. It’s really over. I think it’s good that you’re going to talk to a counselor and I wish you well, but I love and respect myself too much to be someone’s mental and physical punching bag. It doesn’t matter that you believe you’ll never do it again. The only way to make sure it never happens again is for me to leave you and that’s what I’m doing.”

           I was still very angry with him but I felt his pain so I didn’t want to make it worse for him. I gave him a hug and I kissed his cheek and that was what broke him. I honestly did it to comfort him before I left but he took it another way and he cried harder than I’d ever seen him cry before. He went upstairs to the bedroom we used to share and I could still hear him crying as I made sure all of my belongings had been moved from the living room to the moving truck. I actually felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders as I rode away from the building in Nick’s car.

           That night, I posted videos on each account we used to let our followers know that JCGrantENT was over and that I was sorry for not being able to provide a positive example for those who looked to us for guidance, comfort and even a safe place to share their thoughts and stories. I thanked them for their support and I was very careful not to go into detail about what happened because I did not want to hurt any future business opportunities for Jamal. After saying everything I needed to say, I called it a night and climbed into bed in Nick and Darnell’s guest room.

           I was just about to drift off to sleep when my phone vibrated. I unlocked it to see it was because I’d gotten a notification from Instagram. One of my closest friends from home had posted a pic of me and Jamal from our senior prom night and had tagged me in it. I laughed a little to myself as I said quietly, “End of an era.”

[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.

© D.A. Morrison 2019

[buckyismyaesthetic]

Punk (Chap. 4)

Summary: You’re head over heels for your best friend Bucky and hate the nickname he gave you as it doesn’t exactly scream romance.

Word count: 1878 

Warnings: Cursing, low-self esteem, chubby!reader x bucky, idk….

A/N:  Sorry for the long wait.  I needed some time.  I’ve got the next few chapters just about ready to go…and I’m gonna try and make them hurt ;) yay angst!

After Natasha successfully slammed you to the mat for the sixteenth time in a row you finally cried ‘uncle’ and ended the hour long workout/torture session.  You’d come here to kickbox and beat the holy hell out of a bag but a certain spider had other ideas.

“I deserve this,” you groaned.  Your chest heaved as your lungs strained for breath. The amorphous blob of a sweatshirt you insisted on wearing while exercising was soaked with sweat and made you feel as if you were slowly cooking in one of Hell’s saunas.  “This is why I hate exercising.”  Nat extended a hand to pull you to your feet but you shook your head dramatically on the mat.  “No, just leave me here to die.  I quit.  You go out and fight the good fight.  I’ll save my skills and start a nice, quiet dart league or somethin’.”  Natasha rolled her eyes and kicked your leg. “No, seriously.  I retire my knives to you.  My guns, throwing stars, all of it.  Take care of Ferd for me.  Tell him his mummy loved him,” you wailed with a huge fake sob.

Nat chuckled as she sipped from her water bottle. You did this every time she beat you; abandoned your position on the team, gave away your possessions, forced someone to take care of Ferdinand after you were gone.  Granted, hand-to-hand wasn’t really your strong suit. You were a sniper…of sorts.  A deadshot.  A bulls-eye artist.  Basically, you always hit your target….except when it came to love…

Speaking of love… “Aw, come on. You can’t die on me, Punk.” Bucky’s throaty chuckle caught you off guard and you scrambled to your feet, blowing out your cheeks at the nickname. Punk  Uuuunnnngggghhh.  He was leaning against the door to the training room, shirt soaked with sweat and clinging to his torso.  The ripples and panes of muscle became more defined with each breath.  God, he was so rude!  Who did he think he was?!  Just walking around looking like that?! Ugh.  He was all sweaty and slightly out of breath, but his eyes were bright and he looked like he was fucking glowing.  Who looks like that after they run twenty miles in an hour?!

You, on the other hand, looked like a boiled potato. After an hour of having your ass introduced to the floor on loop, your face was bright red, you had underboob sweat stains, the deodorant you had obsessively applied earlier had failed about forty-five minutes ago, and sweat was running down from your hair in long rivulets.   Why were you so gross?  Nat wasn’t sweating like a pig and she had been working out just as hard as you. You sighed inwardly.  Everything you did just seemed to fall somewhere on the ‘disgusting spectrum’.  Usually leaning towards ‘ugh’ or ‘blegh’ but right now you were done right ‘oh dear lord’.

“Hey, B,” you mumbled quickly, trying to fix your rats nest of a ponytail and wiping the sweat from your brow.

“Hey.  Glad ta see you’re still alive,” he chuckled at you, giving you a flash of those pearly whites.  “Just stopped in ta let ya know that the food’ll be here in thirty.  Best get cleaned up.”  And with that he waved and walked out of the gym.

“Let’s save water and shower together,” you whined at his retreating form.

Nat barked in laughter.  “Oh my god, you should’ve said that!”

“Aaaahhhh-bsolutely not.”

“Oh come on!  That would be the perfect way to flirt with him.”

“No, that would be the perfect way to watch me spontaneously combust.”

“How about we try flirting tonight?” the red head suggested.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?” you teased.

“Yeah, how do you think I got ‘im?” She quirked an eyebrow up at you.

Touché.

“Get off the fucking counter!”  Tony hollered.  He was trying to unpack the Chinese food bags but a certain fat, black cat was sticking his nose in containers of Chow Mein, knocking packages of duck sauce onto the floor, and yowling obnoxiously at the billionaire. “One of these days, cat, I’m gonna—”

“Tony, if you lay one finger on Ferdinand I will carve you up like a Thanksgiving turkey.”  You strolled into the kitchen wearing your typical post-shower attire: wet hair in a messy bun, flannel pajama bottoms, and a New York Rangers hockey t-shirt.  Ferdinand purred loudly at you and you cradled him like a baby in your arms. “Did that mean old man yell at my precious little baby?” you cooed.  “My poor lil pumpkin.”

“Just keep him away from me,” Tony muttered, glaring at the cat in your arms.  “And off the counters!”

You gave him a dramatic salute.  Bucky came up from behind you and pulled Ferd from your arms. “Hey, buddy.”  The cat began to purr like a speed boat as the super soldier held him.  “You causin’ trouble?”  He walked over to the dining room table and cradled Ferd in his lap as he began to spoon boneless ribs onto a plate.

“B, don’t give him any food!” you scolded, knowing full well what he was about to do.  “He’s too fat.”

“Y/N! You’re gonna give him low self-esteem!” Bucky cried dramatically and you couldn’t hide your smile.  “Poor Ferdinand,” Bucky cooed, slipping the cat a piece of pork.  “Your mama is always fat-shaming you. Doesn’t she know that looks don’t matter?!  Tsk Tsk. Well, I love ya for who ya are, buddy.”  He gave the cat a loud smooch and sat him on the floor to go beg for scraps from the other team members.

“Buck,” you whined, seeing Ferd lick the pork from his lips.

Bucky merely sent you a toothy grin.  “Come on, Punk.  He was hungry!  Come eat.”

With an inward cringe at the nickname you grabbed a bowl for you soup and looked around the table.  Nat and Clint had appropriated some portion of the other’s chair as they ate.  Wanda was pouring drinks and passing them down.  Steve and Tony were calling out orders and handing out steaming cartons of noodles to their owners.  Sam managed to steal the open seat next to Bucky, much to your dismay, and you were forced to sit between Thor and Vision, far away from your favourite super soldier, at the opposite end of the table.

Conversation buzzed around you, but you didn’t really feel up to participating.  This happened sometimes, lately more often than not.  Something just seemed to happen to you when it came to….eating.   Now, you loved food.  It was kind of obvious actually.  Half the time you planned your next meal while eating the current one. But lately, and you weren’t sure exactly when it started, every time you ate something, even something you really liked, like pizza or ice cream or spaghetti, you felt….guilty?….bad?…ashamed?

With every bite you felt like you were somehow doing something wrong, something forbidden.  An obsessive need to count calories occasionally seized your mind. Half the time it felt like you spent more time reading nutrition labels than actual books!  And those feelings were only amplified when you were forced into eating around the others.  You felt like some sort of zoo creature around them.  Oh look, meal time at the hippo pond!

You popped half a dumpling into your mouth. Ferdinand rubbed up against your leg under the table, hoping that food would fall from the sky.  Absently, you began to push your noodles around the plate, losing your appetite as the others munched away happily on crab rangoons and sesame chicken.  Angry, self-loathing thoughts bubbled to the surface in your mind.  Were the others looking at you while you ate?  Judging you for the food you put in your mouth?  Look at Y/N, shovelling it in like garbage truck.  Were they as disgusted be you as you were?  Did they think of you as fat slob with no self-control? Because that’s how you felt.  Because even when you tried to be good and not eat so much, eventually hunger pangs tore through you and you just had to eat.  And you didn’t always want salad or veggies.  Sometimes you wanted cookies or peanut butter or candy.  It was just so hard to—

“Y/N, are you going to eat that?”  Thor interrupted your inner turmoil and pointed to the untouched egg roll on your plate.  You shook your head and he grabbed it with a muffled ‘thanks!’ and shoved the entire roll in mouth.

You looked up and locked eyes with Sam.  He mouthed, ‘you good?’ and you nodded putting a false smile on your face, not wanting to explain your loss of appetite.

“Who’s ready for desert?”  Steve asked a few minutes later and was met with smatterings of approval.  You helped Vision clear the plates, hoping to slip out of the kitchen and ditch desert without being noticed.  Your self-control could not resist apple pie.  It was your kryptonite.

“That’s the last of them,” Vision said turning off the sink and grabbing a set of desert plates and a cake knife.  He gave you a small smile and walked back to the dining room as you dried the last of the bowls.  You were just about ready to make a break for it when you turned around just as Bucky strolled into the kitchen.  His dark hair was still slightly wet from his shower earlier causing his short curls to glisten in the light. God, he’s so fucking perfect.  You licked your lips and quickly turned to put the last dish on the rack.

“Told ya there’d be pie,” he whispered as he grabbed the vanilla ice cream from the freezer, letting the cold air sweep over you. You shivered.  Please let him think it’s just from the cold.  “Come on, Punk.”  Merhhh.  “I know you can’t resist,” he teased with a twinkle in his eye that you couldn’t quite decipher.  Great, he’s gonna lead the pig to the slop trough.

You sighed, torn as to what to do.  If you rejected the pie he’d ask you who you were and what had you done with Y/N.  If you ate the pie he’d see you eat the pie.  He’d see you shovelling in spoonfuls of warm, mushy apple and crispy crust mixed in with sweet vanilla ice cream all the while sporting a blissed-out look on your face.

But either way, he knows you’re fat.  The evidence was right in front of him, staring him in the face.  Might as well eat the pie, hate yourself, and avoid any awkward questions.  Bucky didn’t need to hear you whine about how grotesque you were.  He didn’t want to hear about that.  Nobody wanted to hear about it.  It was your own stupid, gluttonous fault that you were this way.  Nobody felt sorry for you.  With a sniffled sob, you trudged back towards the others.

When you at back down at the table, Bucky gave you an enormous grin and handed you a plate with the biggest slice of pie and three scoops of ice cream, more than any of the others, and it took all you’re strength not to burst into tears.    The biggest slob had gotten the biggest slice.

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[chocobroobsession]

The Red String - Chapter 16

Author’s Note: Soulmate AU based on the red string of fate story. Ignis x fem!OC. Just a filler chapter. I was freaking about about my age when I wrote this and I’m a tad older than my guy, so that’s why it manifested itself in my OC. Word count: 1151

Chapter Masterlist

Ignis and Chandra found themselves not just bound to each other, but addicted. They couldn’t seem to get close enough and they couldn’t help but touch either other, whether it be a peck on the cheek or a brush of the hand against skin. They craved more, but wanted to take things slow and get to know each other well before jumping right in, soulmates or not.

One evening, they found themselves in an embrace, sharing a passionate kiss. The kiss probably would have continued on, had Prompto not burst into the room.

“Hey guys, I just…” he stopped short as he watched the two quickly break apart. A wide grin spread across his face as he eyed them both. “Ah, my bad. I can come back later, if you want. I’d say, ‘get a room’ but you already have one.”

Ignis blushed, cleared his throat, and absentmindedly straightened his shirt collar. “No need, Prompto. You’ve already interrupted so you may as well get on with what you were saying.”

“Ha, sorry. As I was saying, I just got back from hunting with Gladio. We managed to secure more gil and it looks like we’ll be getting more tomorrow, so I think we’re going to be able to stay here another week at least. It will buy us a little more time to shop for an actual apartment or something.”

“That’s good news, Prompto! Thanks for doing this. I only wish I could contribute in some way,” Chandra was suddenly embarrassed.

“Aw, it’s fine, really. Gladio and I don’t mind. We’re all like family, and family helps each other out. I’m going to go get Gladio and head out to that little café down the block. Wanna join?”

“Sure, just let me freshen up and I’ll be ready, if that’s fine with you, Ignis?” Chandra turned to him.

“Of course. We’ll meet you there in fifteen minutes, Prompto.”

“Sweet! I’m starving, and they had some amazing looking food displays in the window!” The blonde bounded out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Ignis chuckled and shook his head. Chandra let out a giggle. “Oh, dear, sweet Prompto. He’s something, isn’t he?”

“That, he is. It’s funny. He can hit a bull’s-eye with his eyes closed when he has a gun in his hands, but his sense of timing has never hit the mark.”

Chandra laughed but then thought a moment. “You know, Prompto has such a bubbly personality and a young spirit, and I’m surprised this topic has never come up before. Just how old is he?”

“He’s twenty.” Ignis answered matter-of-factly.

“Twenty?” Chandra was shocked. She assumed the group was more around her own age. Gladio and Ignis definitely looked the part, but she was never sure if Prompto just looked and acted younger or if he actually was young. “If he’s twenty, then how old are the rest of you?”

Ignis smirked. “I see what this is. You’re afraid to know our ages because you’re terrified of being the oldest out of the bunch.”

Chandra gasped. Age shouldn’t matter, but suddenly she found herself feeling insecure. Though the past few years she didn’t feel like she had much to live for, turning twenty-five had hurt. It meant she was that much closer to thirty. She didn’t think she’d ever find someone to be with anyway, but inching closer to the big 3-0 lessened her chances even more. She now had someone to call her own, but the thought still bothered her. Could she seriously be older than Ignis? “I’m the oldest?” she squeaked out.

“Yes, darling, I’m sorry, but it appears that you are. See, I had no idea how old you were until you told me about yourself the other day. I just assumed you were around our age as well. Then, you mentioned that you were taken at the age of fourteen and that you had been in Niflheim for eleven years, making you…”

“Twenty-five years old,” Chandra finished. “Okay, so we’ve established that. Please don’t tell me you’re younger than Prompto? The Astrals have a strange sense of humor if they want to pair me with a teenager.”

Ignis laughed. “No, I’m not younger than Prompto. He and Noct were the youngest in our group at twenty. Gladio is twenty-three, and I’m in the middle at twenty-two.”

Chandra let out a sigh of relief. A three-year age gap wasn’t so bad. They had already established their bond with each other, and age wasn’t about to change that. Still, it was interesting. Even back when she tried to picture herself with someone, she never imagined it would be someone so young. Someone the same age as…

“Hmm…you’re the same age my brother would have been had he lived,” she whispered. Ignis reached for her hand and stroked her fingers with his thumb. He started to speak, but she stopped him. “I’m okay. I really don’t mind the age gap. It just got me thinking. I feel like Gabe would have really liked all of you—Prompto, especially. They have similar personalities. Maybe that’s why I feel like Prompto is such a kindred spirit. I just feel like Gabe could have easily been friends with all of you. He didn’t always get along with boys his age, which is why he spent most of his time training with me. We were best friends.” She hadn’t realized the tears were prickling her eyes.

“I’m really sorry, Chandra,” Ignis soothed. “Nothing I can do or say can take away the pain. It’s okay to feel it though. He was your only brother and you loved him dearly. If you want to skip dinner with the guys tonight, I understand. Want me to fetch you something to eat?”

Chandra sniffed. “No, I’m fine. Let’s go to dinner with the guys. I can’t sit here and let the past drag me down some more. Besides, Gabe wouldn’t have wanted me to spend my life moping. Any time I got down about training or studying for a particularly difficult exam, he would always know exactly how to cheer me up. I’ll always cherish the time I had with him.”

She wiped the tears from her cheeks and her resolve strengthened. “But right here, right now, in front of me, is someone I want to spend all of my time with, and that’s you, Ignis.” She leaned forward to kiss him. He blushed and intertwined his fingers with hers. “Okay, then. Let’s go to dinner.”

The pair leisurely walked to the café where they had a wonderful dinner with their friends. Chandra had allowed herself to properly mourn the loss of her brother and family, but she vowed to stop wasting away. She would live her life to the fullest and follow Ignis down the path he was on, determined to never leave her soulmate’s side no matter where life took them.