#“i cant believe they got him to do this” I CAN | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yuckqr · 2 days ago

Text

sexy sorrys!! 18+

summary - youve liked dean for years, though when he finally tries to kiss you, you get cold feet (twice..) in an attempt to apologize, things get steamy in the shower !!! -`♡´-

warnings - smut (blowjob), virgin reader, masturbation, hot headed reader, explicit language

pairing - dean x female reader

6.3k words

a/n at the end ◡̈

once you guys arrived to the hotel, it was way past dark and it was thundering outside. you hated when the weather was like this, they both knew that. sam looked back at you as you guys pulled up to the front door, 'hey, look, you go inside and check us in, we can grab your things.' dean looked at sam in confusion, 'i never agreed to that?' he looked back at you and you shot him a dirty look. 'im just kidding, sweetheart, go inside. we gotchya.' you rolled your eyes and grabbed a sweater from the trunk to cover over your head. 'thanks guys,' you smiled at them and then sprinted out of the car to the front door, almost slipping. you felt like you could practically hear deans laughter at your clumsiness. as you got inside, you took the sweater off your head and went to the front desk.

'dont have an umbrella?' the desk attendant looked at you, judgement seeping through her seemingly kind demeanor.

'uhm.. yeah, no i dont.. uh, im here to check in for winchester? 2 rooms?' you draped the sweater around your shoulders and shivered.

'yes, do you have your ID?' she looked up at you.

'oh! uh, my friend signed it under his name, theyre outside grabbing the bags, theyll just be in in a second, can i just get the key?' you looked at her awkwardly. she glared at you.

'right.. so we cant give out the keys unless we see the ID of the person who checked out the room.. sorry.' she gave you a faux sympathetic smile.

'uh, theyre just outside, i promise, can i just get the key? im freezing, i just want to take a warm shower.' the agitation in your voice started to become noticable.

'miss, i already told you..' the doors swung open as the attendant started to lose her temper with you. her gaze averted from the supposed crazy woman standing infront of her, now turned to the handsome man holding four bags, two on each arm.

'excuse me..' dean said sweetly as he sat the bags down on the floor, 'im here to check in for the rooms under winchester?'

the attendant looked at him and smiled, her eyes full of that same look that every other girl gave him. the same look that gave you a pit in your stomach.

'oh, ofcourse!' she said sweetly, 'let me grab the keys.' you looked at her in confusion.

'hey!' you said, your voice raising. 'you didnt ask him for his ID?' dean looked at you awkwardly as he put his hand around your waist and smiled at the attendant.

'excuse my...' he cleared his throat, 'girlfriend.' you looked up at him swiftly, your eyebrows furrowing. 'she was just given the news that her.. aunt passed away.. oh they were very close..' he nodded his head and closed his eyes as he squeezed onto your shoulder, 'shes not in the right headspace right now.. im sorry if she gave you the wrong impression.'

you couldnt believe him, him and his dumb savior complex. your stomach boiled with rage and your face started to burn. 'fuck you!' you tore away from his grip, 'hey!' you slammed your hands on the desk. 'my aunt is NOT dead, and excuse my braindead friend, we are not dating.'

the attendant looked at you like she was going to slap you. 'excuse me!'

dean rested his arms on your shoulders once more and squeezed again, 'shes just in denial! im so sorry.. hey.. im sorry honey its okay..' he took you in his arms and hugged you towards his chest as he whispered in your ear, 'hey its okay.. just calm down.. lets not get kicked out of this hotel, alright?' he patted your shoulders and let you go as you exhaled aggresively.

'im....' you took a deep breath in, 'sorry, miss.' you frowned slightly and grabbed onto deans hand. 'thanks..' you said as you looked up at him and glared, gritting your teeth as you smiled at him. he looked back down at you and winked.

once sam finally came inside, the three of you sat down in the lobby for a moment to.. calm yourselves.

'hey, are you guys okay?' sam looked at you, a concerned tone in his voice, to which he then faced towards dean to see him sprawled out on the sofa.

'yeah, were good,' he said calmly. 'just had to calm my girlfriend down in front of..' he tilted his head towards the desk to point sams attention to the direction of the attendant. sam nodded and gave dean a blank expression. you grumbled at dean as he said this, the jacket still wrapped around your arms. 'right..' he said awkwardly.

'uhm.. anyway,' sam cleared his throat, 'im gonna go up to my room..' he stood up and you looked up at him in confusion.

'your room?' you looked over to dean to see him with a half smile. 'i thought i had my own room?'

sam looked over to dean and furrowed his eyebrows. 'dean said he was gonna share a room with you.. sorry.' he gave you a sympathetic look before walking away. he turned around and said 'dont kill each other, please, for the love of god. i dont need one of your spirits haunting me for the rest of my life.' as he turned back around you flipped him off and you heard dean snicker to himself.

the door slammed behind the both of you and you turned behind to look at him.

'what the fuck is wrong with you?' you wanted to punch him, or slap him across the face. he walked infront of you without looking you in the eyes as he sat the bags down on the beds. 'oh, and by the way, why the fuck am i stuck in a room with you? why couldnt i have gotten my own room, you and sam should be bunking together.' as you spoke at him, you heard him laugh underneath his breath which only fueled the fire inside of you. you snatched your bag barely from his grasp and he looked at you with a surprised look. you didnt bother to look him in the eye, so you took your bag to the bathroom and changed into shorts and a tank.

as he heard the creak of the bathroom door open, he looked back at you and shrugged his shoulders.

'okay okay, im sorry, okay, but look you were seriously going to get us kicked out. she was this close, i could see her reaching for the phone.' you looked at him furiously, you were basically panting. 'and the room, sam wanted his own because he knows that you and i are both messy. he wanted his own space, thats all. no further intentions. cross my heart.' he raised his arms and did the symbol acrossed his chest. you sighed at his gesture, you didnt want to be mad. you just didnt want to be saved. you wanted to fight your own battles once and awhile.

'im sorry..' you sat across from him on the other bed. 'i..' you spoke softly, 'look, ive just been-' cutting you off, thunder struck loudly.. on what seemed like the building you were staying in. 'jesus!' you exhaled and your heartbeat quickened.

'hey..' dean looked at you with concern, 'are you okay?' he pat the open space next to him, urging you to come sit next to him.

though his offer was sweet and it made your heart flutter, you felt too proud to let him save you again, so you said nothing as you held the jacket around your arms. 'im fine. im not a child.' you looked at him angrily, though you saw the sincerity in his face. lightning struck once more, which caused you to jump again.

'okay..' he said as he stood up, 'ill sit next to you then.' as he sat down, the bed creaked and you looked up at him. he sat closely. you dont think he meant to, but you two were very close to each other now.

dean felt like he could hear your heart beating, and oh was it going fast. he wasnt sure if it was because of the rain, or him. he wrapped one arm around you and you leaned into him, and he sighed. no words were spoken, he just let you rest in his embrace. moments went by as the thunder continued to rumble, which caused you to jump each time. he wanted to distract you, to do anything to calm you down. he didnt know what to do, so he just sat in silence.

as you looked up at him, he gulped. you looked so pretty, and he wanted to distract you. he figured that he was just trying to help, and so he leaned in to kiss you.

you stood up quickly as he tried to initiate this with you. 'uhm..' you said quietly. 'sorry..' you stood awkwardly.

he looked up at you, and shook his head quickly before he spoke. 'no.. no, its okay, im sorry, i shouldnt have done that.. you just looked really stressed out and so i wanted to help you relax..' he paused as he looked around the room to avoid eye contact.

your eyebrows furrowed as he spoke. help you relax? you thought to yourself..

'uhm..' he spoke quickly, 'yeah, uhm. i think we should go to bed, we have to.. get going in the morning.' he stood up from your bed then flopped down onto his own. 'right, i uh.. i hope you get good sleep.' he said as he turned around to face away from you.

fuck. it was awkward, and you were confused. you layed in bed on your back as you tried to wrap your brain around what had happened. dean had tried to kiss you and.. you rejected him? you rolled around in bed, restless. why did you reject him? what did he mean when he said he 'wanted to help you relax?' was it the fact that you knew you were way less experienced than him? did he just do that because he felt bad for you? you knew that hed been with many women before you, but why did he try to kiss you now? you didnt know, and you didnt really want to think about it either. any thought regarding the manner made you feel sick.

knocking on the door woke you up from your sleep. you didnt even remember drifting off, but you knew it mustve been not long ago since you felt extremely drowsy.

'goodmorning you two,' sam said as you creaked the door open slowly. 'how did you both sleep?' he peaked into the room and was (not surprised) to see dean still laying in bed, out cold.

'uhm..' you yawned and rubbed your eyes, 'not the best to be honest.' you followed him as he paced around your guys messy room.

'see, this is what i mean. i would have punched dean if he made our room this messy.' you laughed awkwardly, 'yeah, haha, this is actually mostly me,' you admitted. he turned back at you and shook his head.

'aha, i wouldnt have punched you, but i wouldve given you a lecture for sure,' he teased. you enjoyed sams lightheartedness. he made you feel more at ease.

'hey, dean' he patted his head which jerked him out of his slumber. 'time to wake up man, we got a ghost to hunt' deans eyes opened slightly, the light piercing into what felt like his skull.

'yeah yeah,' he said, clearly mocking him. 'give me a minute, can you atleast get out so i can change?' he looked behind sam to see you standing there, a long t shirt covering most of your body. you looked away before his eyes met yours, you felt like you were going to explode from the situation that occurred the previous night.

sam nodded and told him not to take too long, then he exited out of the room swiftly, shutting the door behind him. you sat down on your unmade bed and watched him as he sat up.

'dean?' you said quietly. he looked up at you, still partially in a dazy state.

'mhm?' he looked you in the eyes which caused you to look away from him again.

'im sorry..' you spoke softly, 'i dont know.. i didnt know..' you paused, but he shook his head at you and said, 'no, no dont apologize. you have nothing to be sorry for. im sorry for trying to push that onto you.. i wont ever do that again, i promise.'

your heart sank. you knew he meant well, but you realized you gave off the wrong impression. you didnt really know what to say, so you just nodded smally and then got up to hide your face so you didnt unintentionally cry infront of him. you didnt want him to feel sorry for you again. you wanted to tell him that you loved him, that you wanted to kiss him, but you didnt know how. you couldnt. you didnt want to ruin what the three of you had.

the rest of that day was very awkward. sam tried to lighten the mood by making the jokes that dean would usually make, though it didnt help much. you wanted to pull dean aside to talk with him privately, you just didnt know how to go about that. you didnt even know what you wanted to say, you just knew that this 'silent treatment' he was giving you was worse than anything you ever could have wanted. you knew he was just trying to make you feel comfortable, but it was making you feel like he was avoiding you.

as you arrived to the scene of the crime, there was a couple cops there already. dean, ofcourse, stood up straight and walked directly towards them.

'good evening heros of the city, im matthew hill from the department of.. neighborhood security, what do we have here?' he smiled bravely and without a moments notice, they smiled back.

as they explained the scene, you and sam snuck to the back of the house to find a door or window to break in. once you found an entrance point, you looked back behind you before entering. the cop, you could tell, was clearly interested in dean. by all means, it looked like he was interested in her too. and why wouldnt he be? she was beautiful. you felt your stomach churn at the sight.

'hey, you okay? lets go!' sam urged you quietly to snap out of your thoughts and waved you inside.

'sorry!' you hastly got inside as he shut the window behind the both of you.

'are you okay? you look..' he cleared his throat, 'are you alright?' he spoke with genuine concern in his voice, though it did nothing for your confidence.

'yeah, yeah im good..' there was a twinge of something in your voice, but sam couldnt tell what it was.

'yeah, i saw them too, dean and the cop.' he laughed lightly. 'it honestly gets so tiring, you know? like, we have a job we need to do, we cant just bone every attractive person we see.' he joked. but you didnt laugh, you just smiled weakly and nodded your head. you felt your stomach churn but you tried to pay no mind to it.

'yeah.. right. right, im going to go look upstairs and see if i can find anything.' he nodded at you and snooped around downstairs as you went up the staircase.

after a long and tiring day, you guys finally made it back to a hotel to rest. it was raining again that night, and you really just wanted to get inside and go to sleep. you wanted dean to wrap his arms around you and tell you that it was okay, you just wanted him to feel comfortable around you again. it made you sick that he was avoiding you like this. you didnt even bother trying to talk to the attendant this time, you were just worn out.

'excuse me, miss? can i help you?' your head turned quickly as you looked to the desk to see the man speaking to you. he smiled at you as he waited for you to speak.

'oh, no no im okay, im just waiting for my friends to bring the bags in. i think the rooms are under their last name so..' you trailed off.

'oh thats okay! what are the rooms under?' you raised your eyebrows at his kind gesture. you got up and stood at the desk.

'oh, its, uhm its under winchester.' you smiled and tapped your hands on the table and pursed your lips as he fiddled away on the computer.

'hmmm... yup! right here, two rooms, correct?' he looked up to you to gage your reaction.

'yes! thats us.' you smiled at him with sincerity and exhaled. 'you know.. we stayed at this other hotel the other night.. and this lady wouldnt give me the keys because.. she didnt trust me. like, i guess thats fair, because i sort of did look like i was homeless..' you chuckled to yourself a little, 'but, she was being really rude about it.. so i appreciate your trust in me.' you looked back to his gaze to see him smiling as you spoke.

'oh, yeah haha i wouldnt have ever thought that!' he joked lightheartedly with you as you waited for the boys to find a parking space and grab the luggage. you appreciated his demeanor, he didnt seem to talk down on you at all, and you had thought he was a little bit handsome too. it was nice to not think about dean for once.

as you guys spoke, dean and sam hustled through the sliding doors with bags hung over their arms.

'oh! there they are.' you gestured to them. 'i was just talking to..' you looked down at his name tag, 'elliot.. he gave me the keys for the room, so im ready whenever you guys are.'

deans eyebrows furrowed as he watched you introduce this random man to the two of them. this man was nothing, and he felt.. intimidated? by how comfortable you felt with him already in the few moments of their absence away from you. he smiled as he walked up to elliot and held his hand out.

'dean. dean winchester.' elliot shook his hand and smiled, 'nice to meet you, boss!' dean looked back at you with a confused look on his face. he didnt want to force you into a situation you werent comfortable in, but he felt like you were basically flaunting this man infront of him. he felt his judgement cloud his thoughts for a moment before he spoke.

'so, uh, tryna hit on my lady, pal?' dean spoke fiercly, and you jerked your head to look at him, your eyebrows furrowing, a scoff leaving your lips as he stood there intimidatingly.

the attendant closed his eyes for a moment before he shook his head confusingly, 'oh! no, ofcourse not.. just.. doing my job..' he trailed off as he looked at you for backup. you were about to speak, but before you could, dean cut you off.

'seems like it,' he smiled as he squinted at the worker, 'you know,' he looked down at you as you stood beside him, feeling smaller and smaller as he continued to speak, 'shes way too good for you,' he wrapped his arm around your shoulder as a way to intimidate the attendant, he just looked at you both awkwardly.

'dean..' you whispered, 'stop please' and you pushed his arm off of you, causing him to look around in an agitated manner before he began speaking again.

'shes uh..' he looked down at you, 'shes a catch aint she, you know..' he paused again before the attendant finally spoke up.

'i have a boyfriend!' he blurted, his face filled with an embarrassed and awkward expression. deans eyebrows raised as he looked at him, speechless. 'so, you can stop.. whatever youre doing and just, go up to your rooms for christs sake.' the attendant looked over at you and squinted a little, furrowing his eyebrows.

'im sorry..' you said quietly as dean patted his hand on your shoulder again and urged you to move away from the desk to go catch with sam as he stood awkwardly in the lobby connecting to the hallway, 'anyway.. thank you sir!' dean said as he walked away.

as you two walked the hallway, you ripped yourself from his grasp and began to walk slowly behind him, 'nice going, asshole.' you said coldly, not looking at him as you spoke. when you caught up with sam, he leaned down to whisper something to you so dean couldnt hear.

'do you want me to bunk with dean?' sam whispered to you as dean walked ahead, not looking behind to the either of you. 'i know what he just did was shitty.. i dont know why he did it, but he must have some weird reasoning for it. i can handle him tonight if you want a break.'

you looked forward to see dean walking with tension in his posture. you wanted to help him, but you were too angry to think anything kindly about him. you wanted to be angry, but a small part of you felt confusion. why would he say those things infront of elliot? did he like you? was he jealous? you didnt think a jealous bone was in deans body. you didnt think it was possible for him to even feel that emotion. you were just confused, but you felt slightly at ease that he felt that protective over you.

'no, its okay, thank you though.' you looked up at him and smiled as you leaned into his chest. 'i appreciate everything you do for me, sam, really. thank you.' your arm wrapped around his back and he squeezed your arm tightly.

'ofcourse.' he let you go, and then walked ahead towards his room. 'ill see you two in the morning,' he waved and then unlocked his door and then entered.

dean had already entered the two of you guys room, so you had to knock.

'hey, can you let me in?' you quietly yelled, but you heard no response. seconds later, you heard him fiddling with the door handle and the door swung open, though he was already walking away from the door as you entered.

'look.. dean..' he avoided eye contact. you could tell that he was ashamed with the way that he acted infront of the desk attendant. 'its okay.. im not mad..' you walked up to him as he faced towards the window, rain streaking down the glass. 'dean...' there was a sense of urgency in your voice. 'can you look at me? please?'

after hearing your plea, he turned around almost instantly. he didnt say anything, but he was now facing you.

'i..' you paused. you didnt know how to articulate how you felt. you didnt know if it would be a good idea. you spoke anyway. 'im just confused, okay? i.. i want to..' he looked down to see your eyes well with tears. he didnt want you to feel pain due to his actions. he felt guilty, and he felt confused, too.

he looked up and thought for a moment before he decided that he couldnt take this anymore. he tilted your head up with his fingertips and you stopped speaking almost immediately. you looked into his eyes and you saw the same look that made your knees want to melt into the ground. you were speechless, and before you could even try to speak again, every thought you had paused the second his lips touched yours.

though you were startled by his sudden movements, you didnt object this time. you kissed him back and moaned into his mouth, and he moaned into yours. your heart was racing, you didnt know how this even started, but you didnt want to question it.

you broke away from the kiss and he looked into your eyes with want and lust. you exhaled as you stared at his features for a moment before you leaned back in and wrapped your arms around his shoulders to fully bring him in. his arms moved to your waist as you manouvered his mouth in a way youve done with others, though its never felt this good.

you unintentially pressed his back against the window and his breath hitched from the sudden cold, but he didnt seem very bothered. he was much more focused on you. he kissed you hungrily, the want resurfacing from the previous night where he originally tried to kiss you the first time. you questioned why you even rejected him in the first place.

his hands fiddled with the hem of your shirt and you made a noise which signaled your approval for him, so he took his lips off of yours to help you lift your shirt over your head. you werent thinking, you didnt even think about how youve essentially never gotten this far before, you just knew that youve wanted this to happen for months, and now that it finally was, your brain was short circuiting.

he took in the view of your body and broke the silence, 'youre so beautiful,' he said quietly. you looked at him for a moment before you urged him to take off his shirt as well. he happily obliged.

his mouth found his way to yours once more as he tried to lead you to walk backwards a little. his hands slid their way up and down your waist as you guys moved. as he sat you down on his bed, he snaked his knee between your thighs and slowly layed you down onto the bed, not disturbing the kiss.

feeling the emotion fully now, you realized his intentions, and you broke away from the kiss quickly. he looked at you, want in his eyes.

'are you okay?' he spoke breathlessly.

'i..' you put your forehead to his, 'ive never..' your breath was heavy, and he felt you shaking as his hand rested on your waist.

he paused, realizing what you meant. he didnt want you to feel embarrassed for being unexperienced compared to his, well, sluttiness. his thumb rubbed circles on your hip as he spoke quietly, 'its okay..' he looked you in the eye and smiled at you, 'i just want to do whatever i can to distract you in this moment. i just want you to be okay' he smiled at you weakly as you leaned in to kiss him, not wanting to say anything more. you were confused by what he meant 'distract' again but your thoughts were too clouded to think clearly in the moment.

as you kissed him, he broke away from your lips and started to lower his attention to your neck. he kissed softly at first, lightly grazing your skin. he continued to feel your heart beat, though he figured you were okay since you hadnt stopped him yet. as you looked up at the ceiling, your grip around his shoulders became tighter as he felt around your thighs and slid his hands under your ass. his kisses became more needy, and you could feel his teeth leaving small marks all over your neck and collerbone. you liked the idea of being his.

as he kissed you, you closed your eyes and rested your head against his shoulder. he touched you everywhere. there wasnt an inch of skin that he wanted to go unnoticed. he wanted you to feel secure, and he wanted you to feel distracted. he felt like he was doing a fine job in doing so. while kissing and marking up your neck, one hand slid between your thighs as his other was wrapped around your neck.

you were afraid, and you accidently signaled that to him, so he moved his hand quickly and looked into your eyes.

'wait,' you said, panting. he looked at you, feeling his erection growing. he wanted to satisfy you, but he knew he needed to do it on your terms. 'i.. im' you paused, your thoughts were cloudy. you wanted to continue, but you didnt know how. 'im.. im sorry..' you said breathlessly.

he blinked quickly before realizing you were shutting it down. 'no.. no... its okay..' he watched as you grabbed your shirt quickly and put it back on in a swift motion. 'im sorry...' you looked to his jeans to see his growing excitement, and the pit in your stomach grew. 'dean.. im sorry..' tears began to well in your eyes.

'no, no.. its okay, im okay i promise' though he wished he couldve continued, he never would have wanted to force you into anything you didnt want to do. he kissed your forehead before standing up slowly, 'im..' he paused, 'im going to take a shower.' you looked up at him and nodded, wrapping your arms around yourself.

as he walked away and shut the door, you looked down to the floor and wanted to curse yourself. you hated yourself. you brought your hand up to your neck to feel the lasting marks that he had left, and you felt traces of his saliva. you wanted to cry. you wanted to continue, you wanted more. the feeling in your stomach was churning, mixed with the sense of dread. as you sat there with your thoughts, you heard the shower turn on.

you wanted to prove to him you werent a prune, that you could be one of the girls that hed consider.. dating. you wanted to be someone that he could rip their clothes off and take them in an instant, in any way he wanted to. you wanted him to want you in that way. as you stood up, you carefully took your top and bralette off leaving them on the bed. sliding your shorts and panties down your thighs, you felt a chill and shivered, feeling excited by the thought of getting in a warm shower. though you were nervous, you were determined to prove yourself to him.

you felt exposed, but you didnt care. as you walked up to the bathroom door, you listened carefully for a moment. you swore you heard him hold back a moan, but you didnt want to make assumptions.

in the shower, dean took himself in his hand and was pumping furiously. he felt like a loser, like a man who couldnt get any action, but he couldnt help it. though he truly didnt want to force you to do anything, he felt extremely unsatisfied, and he needed to release the tension building up in his body. he tried to remain quiet, but the thoughts of you rushing through his head were taking over.

he never knew that you were a virgin. he had his sneaking suspicion because you never spoke about any bad one night stands youve encountered, though maybe he was the only one who experienced those. he just figured that you saved that type of thing for a special someone, which drew him to another conclusion.

was he not special enough for you? his hand moved faster in frustration and a groan slipped from his lips. he was hoping that you didnt hear due to the water. hed never considered himself one to care, but hes never been with a virgin before. every woman hes ever been with had, atleast, has had some sort of experience. he found himself wishing that he could be your first. he groaned at the thought of it as he stroked himself almost to the point of release.

your quivering body underneath his, begging for him to give you the release you desperately deserve. his mouth watered at the image.

as he jerked off, he heard the bathroom door open slightly,

'dean?' you cautiously spoke out.

'uh- uhm, what? whats up?' he moved his hand away from his dick quickly and he faced the shower wall. he gritted his teeth from the absence of friction against his erection. he wanted to curse you, but he knew you meant well.

'can i come in?' though he couldnt see you, he heard a hint of something in your voice. he wasnt sure what it was. were you scared because of the weather again? did you just want to be in his comfort once more, did you want him to save you again?

'uhm, sure,' he said hastily. his eyebrows furrowed as the possibilites were circling in his mind. as he thought, you slowly opened the shower curtain, and he turned around to see you standing nude infront of him. 'i-' he was, for once, speechless.

'dean..' you said, as you stepped into the shower, trying to avoid looking at his cock as it lay up against his stomach. 'i just..' you looked up into his eyes, watching the water fall down onto his shoulders. 'i wanted to apologize.. im sorry.' you said, your eyes filled with sorrow.

he looked at you suddenly feeling remorse for every sick thought he had about you in the moment before. 'hey, its okay..' though as he spoke, you slowly lowered yourself to the shower floor and got on your knees, making you face to face with his thighs. you brought your arms up to his thighs and rested them there for a moment as his breath hitched.

'what...' he gulped, 'what are you doing?' you didnt look in his eyes. you didnt know where to look, you just brought your hands to his dick and you lightly grazed him with your fingertips. as you did so, you felt his thighs tense and a loud exhale escaped from his lips. 'im sorry..' you said as your hands rested on his cock. 'is this okay?'

as you looked up at him, he swore he felt unlike anything hes ever felt before. 'yes.. yes its okay..' he looked down at you carefully, one hand on the edge of the shower, and one hand found its way to the top of your head as he wiped your hair away from your eyes. 'are you..' he gulped, 'are you sure about this?' he said as he looked down at you.

you nodded, and before a moments notice, you took him in your hands and put your mouth over his tip. his grip on the edge of the shower made his knuckles turn white, and the hand on your head wanted to squeeze, but he kept a soft touch as to not force you to do anything. as you lowered your mouth onto him, you heard him make obscene noises above you, which caused the knot in your stomach to worsen.

feeling your mouth on him felt euphoric. the shower water was hitting his back perfectly and feeling both of your hands and your mouth around him just reminded him how small you were.. or how big he really was. he couldnt tell, nor did he care. he just knew that he wasnt going to last long. your unexperienced movements were a little awkward, but he felt at ease knowing that he was the first person youve ever done this to. he looked down at you and he smoothed your hair down as you moved.

he barely tried to hold back his moans anymore, and he felt them your movements becoming more desperate. the noises he was making made you feel embarrassed, but you felt proud. as you moved your hands up and down, you felt his warmth, and you wanted to remember his veins. you liked feeling him inside of your mouth, and so you tried to take him deeper down your throat.

as you began to throat fuck him, your movements became quicker and more at ease. now that you were going at a comfortable pace and depth, he felt that it would be okay if he guided your movements a little with his hand pressed behind your head. you heard him breathing heavily, a groan and a whimper escaping from his lips every so often. hearing his noises, you moaned against his dick, which sent a multitude of vibrations through his body, one of them which sent him over the edge.

you felt him pulsing, and he spoke quickly, 'shit, fuck, i..' you lifted your mouth off of his dick and he groaned loudly at the absence of your touch, though he quickly took himself in his hand once more and he pumped his dick above your head. you were mesmerized by the sight, and you suddenly became jealous of every other girl that got to see him in this way before you.

as he jerked himself off with desperation, his mouth became slightly ajar and his eyes rolled back as he groaned loudly 'i- im, fuck, i,' pumping himself quickly, white ropes expelled from his tip and emptied out onto your chest and face. he blabbered for a few seconds as he continued to stroke himself through his high, and he let out one final groan of satisfaction. you looked down to your chest to see his now watered down cum being washed away into the drain, and you ran your hand through the valley of your breasts, feeling the wetness on your chest. you wished you couldve kept this image in your mind forever.

you felt like it was a fever dream, you didnt know what to do next, so you stood up and looked down to see his dick softening quickly. 'i.. um, anyway, i just wanted to apologize.' then you swiftly stepped out of the shower and left the bathroom with a towel before he could even respond. he wouldnt have anyway, he was too out of breath.

authors note: THIS IS MY FIRST FIC !!! please give feedback + let me know if you liked it!! i appreciate anyone who reads <3 i dont know how often ill be posting as im a realllyyy slow writer, however im open to requests/anything really!

thank you @thesilmarillionblog for inspiring me to post <3

#dean winchester smut #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester x you #supernatural #dean winchester #smut

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mrmeepsmadmind · 1 month ago

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rewatching this over and over again.. mainly bcs tarn makes soundwave into a manlet but also bcs it's hilarious

#thunderhowl at the copilot doing Absoluteky nothing then being surprised when shadowstriker is unfamiliar with the terrain: :D #i get ure a theater kid but CAN U STOP BEING SO CRYPTIC #bumblebee moving to the wall like the only smart person #optimus just wants to find the source #had to include soundwave being the bitchiest person for no reason at the end of course 🩵 mi lady #somebody help tarn bro only has one arm 😭😭#hes not even using it against a wall or anything like hes just trying to keep his balance #everybody panicking while shadowstriker doesnt give a fuck #girlboss shit she does every day and no one cares it pisses me off yall need to appreciate my mean lesbian like yall appreciate her mean gay #bestie #thunderhowl :) bcs he wants soundwave to struggle probably. i mean at the cost of others maybe risking a concussion? sure #theyre both so petty but try to act too cool to be in their own lame ways. im obsessed with them #he was hoping soundwave was gonna land in his lap 💔#somehow from all the way back there LMFAO if his terrains can defy gravity so can his beloved annoyance ok. he believes #im a filthy multishipper so i need tarn and soundwave to have more fic & kiss too bcs it's literally tarn being like I Know What You Are #(a Bttm) to soundwave and soundwave having to screw his lips into a smile & be like teehee of course.. only to be like (u forgot the Brat*)#at the end like. why are they like that. tarn holding him by the waist with 1 arm being like i got u bbgirl meanwhile hes getting #60000 concussions and soundwave is trying So hard not too laugh.. TOO loudly. (tarn thinking hes so anime protag rn)#tf cyberverse #soundwave #tarn #thunderhowl #shadowstriker #bumblebee #optimus prime #maccadam #transformers #I CANT BELIEVE I HAD ENOUGH ROOM FOR THESE TAGS!

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mythalism · 18 days ago

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from @/elfbotanist on twitter who is posting from trick's bluesky; they elaborated a bit on exactly what the intention of the solavellan ending is

#honestly #this is a lot more sad than i originally interpreted it #i was like oh they can leave if he confronts his regrets like rook did #but it doesnt seem like that is the case?#maybe it is a possibility but he has to stay there to study the blight that is also trapped there?#honestly i love this ending the more i sit with it #but the more i sit with it also the more it hurts #i was expecting him to die and i was really prepared for that #but this is tragic in a way i wasnt expecting and its got me so fucked up #its beautifully poetic #the trickster god who freed slaves and trapped tyrants allowing himself to be trapped #to make up for everything he has done #for him to return to the fade after being forced into the physical world #for him to follow mythal into the physical only for his mortal lover to follow him back into the fade so he wouldn't have to be alone #lavellan giving up her life for this makes me sob #i love her i love this its so fucking bittersweet i could die #and with what tay said about a dalish keeper's role being to guard everyone from the dreadwolf #thats exactly what shes doing but because she loves him she is helping hold him accountable #i genuinely cannot stop sobbing this is so insane #i cant believe they managed to absolutely bamboozle me like this because i did not expect something so tragic #well played trick weekes.....#solavellan #solas #veilguard spoilers #dragon age the veilguard spoilers #da:v spoilers #dav spoilers

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arsenicflame · 5 months ago

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steddyhands modern au inspired by this post:

(1828 words, themes of kink but nothing explicit, established blackhands & gentlebeard-centric. Happy Pride!)

Stede picks up leatherworking in the wake of his divorce. He's not exactly sure how it ended up being such an important hobby for him, only that he had always admired the intricate designs on his horse's best bridles, and with little else to do with his time, he decides to give it a go.

It's rocky going at first, but he's having fun working with his hands for the first time in his life, and there's a sense of satisfaction in seeing the design come to life as he works. With practice, his skills improve, and he learns how to make things that are truly one of a kind.

He starts off posting his pieces online, as a way to reach fellow enthusiasts, but quickly finds himself with a rather large audience. Stede’s style is unique, and, after many requests from his followers, Lucius encourages him to make some more basic pieces he can sell. It's not about making money for Stede, but another way to meet new people who share his interests- as Lucius keeps telling him, it's sad that his personal assistant is the main person he talks to these days.

So Stede sets out on a new adventure, and has quite the time designing a new range of patterns for the market. He makes purses, belts, bracelets, and, most importantly, dog collars- all still with his unique designs embossed into them, of course. He rents a booth at his towns monthly craft fair, and very quickly finds himself with a new group of friends in the other regulars- Pete, his usual neighbour, who sells an array of wooden figures he carves, Roach, who runs a stand for his bakery, and Frenchie, who isn't actually a stallholder, but is almost always busking near his friend Wee John’s stand of knitted goods, bringing life to the market even in the pouring rain. There's also Buttons, another regular at the market. Nobody is exactly sure what he does there- he doesn't sell things, or seem to buy anything either, but rain or shine, he's there with the birds.

Stede’s been doing this a few months by the time June rolls around. As he's setting up his stand, he notices that the area is much busier than it’d normally be at this time of morning. Lucius, who got roped into helping run Stede’s stall somewhere down the line (despite his protests that this is not what personal assistant means… But hey, he got a boyfriend out of it, at least), reminds him that there's the parade today, too- not realising that Stede had no clue there was a parade today, and especially not that it was pride. Stede immediately jumps to fretting about the amount of stock he’s brought, and Lucius takes the cue to escape, saying he’ll go and grab them coffee (but really, he's off to flirt with Pete)

Lucius is still missing when Ed stumbles across the little leather stall. Stede’s just ran back to his car to fetch his last boxes of inventory, and by the time he returns, Ed’s already begun to narrow down his choices. Stede greets him, starting to tell him that they're not actually open yet, but before he gets more than a couple of words out, Ed’s exclaiming “You're a Kiwi!!!”

The two of them smile at the shared recognition, and Stede says he’ll make an exception, just for Ed, and asks him what exactly he was interested in. Ed tells him that he's looking for a collar “for his boy”, and points out the particular design he was looking at. It happens to be one of Stede’s favourites from this latest run of work, a fact he mentions to Ed. It leads them into a discussion about Stede’s craft, and Ed’s Izzy, and then everything in between. Ed’s listening intently to the things Stede’s telling him, completely drawn in by the process, and by Stede himself. He watches as Stede stamps Izzy's name into the collar, and Stede even lets him have a go at one of the stamps.

Lucius reappears sometime in the middle of this- only to immediately retreat again, seeing Stede engrossed with Ed. He sets up camp at Pete's booth opposite, watching this man flirt intensely with his boss- and Stede flirt back just as hard. Does Stede even realise he’s doing it? Lucius had known Stede was gay since before Stede even admitted it to himself, but this is on a whole other level.

The pair stand there so long that Izzy comes to look for Ed- the two of them are manning a float on the parade with their crew, and it's past time for them to get geared up. He's already worked up, frustrated to have been left to set up everything alone, when Ed had just gone to see if he could get them both coffee. So maybe he's a bit of a prick, approaching with a brash “where the fuck have you been, Edward”, to which Stede brings the same energy, giving a bitchy “Ed! Do you know this guy?” Izzy tenses, ready to snap, but then Ed cuts in, excitedly telling Stede that this is “his Izzy!” Which confuses the hell out of Stede.

Forgetting his earlier attitude, he asks Ed if he “really named his dog after his friend”, only to be met with confusion right back from Ed at where the hell Stede got the idea he had a dog from. Stede gestures at the bag with the collar in it, to which Ed has to tell him, “oh, no, that's for him.” Ed tells Stede that they're here to run a float for their local leather society, and while Stede is certainly shocked by what Ed’s saying, he's not finding himself… uninterested. It's simply that he’s never even considered any of this before, especially not that people would use the things that he made for this, but Ed sounds so enthusiastic about it all. He tells him about how his friends would love to see Stede’s work, about how classic leather gear is always so fucking boring- but not Stede’s stuff, no, Stede’s stuff is “fresh” and “fascinating” and unlike anything Ed’s ever seen before.

Ed's enthusiasm is incredibly infectious, so when he invites Stede to come back to see their float, he readily agrees. It’s a concept Izzy’s less than enthusiastic about. He doesn’t really want to bring this man who’s dressed like he just walked out of a HOA board meeting to their kinky little corner of the world, but he is having a lot of fun watching Stede squirm, so decides not to raise a protest. He does demand he gets his long-overdue coffee first, though (Stede pays for it- as “compensation for him distracting Ed from his job”, he says, not giving Izzy a second to process before he's tapping his card)

By the time they return to the float, Fang, Ivan & Jim are waiting for them, all already geared up. Stede is stunned silent at the sight for about 5 seconds, before he starts actually looking at the quality of Jim’s harness, and proceeds to go off about the poor quality of the craftsmanship, about how the hardware is tacky and completely the wrong choice with this leather, how his “ten year old daughter could do a better job!!!”

There's complete silence from the group, until Izzy, of all people, bursts into laughter at Stede’s audacity (and, the fact he was staring at Jim's tits completely unabashedly, like he hadn't even noticed them in the first place). Izzy's laughter sets Ed off as he tells the group about Stede’s misunderstanding- “you didn't say he was a person!” “I mean, he's my dog”- and soon everyone's having a friendly giggle at Stede’s mistake.

It's somewhere in the middle of the retelling that Ed remembers that this whole thing happened because he was buying Izzy a gift. After a moments fumbling, he presents Izzy with the collar- It's a rich, deep black, embossed with a rolling pattern that resembles waves. It’s made from a firm enough leather to take the tooling, and to remind Izzy that he’s owned while he’s wearing it, yet still soft enough for long term comfort. Izzy's eyes immediately lock on to it, an unreadable expression coming over his face, and Ed turns it; first so he can really see the design and Izzy’s name embossed into it, and then so he can see the small “Ed ♥” on the inside of the collar, right over his swallow tattoo.

“I did the heart,” Ed says to him softly, intended only for Izzy’s ears. Izzy's eyes flick up to Ed’s, and he raises his chin to give Ed the room to put it on. Ed buckles the collar around his neck almost reverently, a test of the tightness turning into a caress of Izzy's neck. It's a perfect fit.

It's as though something comes over Izzy; so twitchy and abrasive earlier, now silent, staring at Ed with a look akin to worship in his eyes. He obediently tilts his head for a kiss as Ed's fingers move to his chin- It's a sight to behold, and one that has Stede intrigued. He wants to know more about this lifestyle, and these men in particular. He wants to be the one to put that expression on Izzy's face.

The moment breaks as Ed and Izzy pull apart, and Ed calls for the crew to finish the last bits of set up. Izzy shakes himself a little before running off to bark orders again, but even still, there remains a softness to him that wasn't there before.

Ed turns back to Stede with an apologetic smile, already obvious that he has to get going. Before he can speak, however, Stede jumps in -“My business numbers on the card in the box… I'll be around all day”- Ed’s smile turns more genuine at that, promising to stop by if he gets a moment, and that he’ll send his friend's Stede’s way- “if he wants that kind of business.” Stede says that he does, actually- that he's seen a whole new world already today, and, while he was a little taken aback at first, he can feel the passion Ed and his friends have for this life. If there's one thing that's ever mattered to Stede, it's other people's enthusiasm. Maybe he doesn't completely understand yet, but he would like to try.

One year later, Stede’s back at the market on pride weekend again, far better stocked for the crowds this time around. Lucius is finally free to spend the day flirting with Fang & Pete to his heart's content, now that Stede’s roped his own boyfriends into helping him run the stall- and into modelling the merchandise. Ed loves that part, while Izzy needs a lot more convincing, but the puppy eyes Stede & Ed weaponise against him make a very good argument.

#Despite what this post may imply; i actually know very little about the art of leatherwork #Im also not saying Stede got into leatherwork because of his repressed leather kink. But im not not saying that.#(This is not to say that i personally think leather gear is boring- i totally see the beauty in simple/plain designs & i get that the #style is all about the look of straps and hardware. but also. i know in my heart Edward ‘likes a fine thing’ Teach would be head over heels #for fun unique pieces. Its the whimsy of it all)#(not to turn this into OFMD meta but. You can like both; in fact. You can have the leather AND you can have the florals)#ALSO. dont ask me why izzy would find a big difference between wearing gear on the float vs the stand. it just felt right #(ok i do have reasoning. its the directness of it. in the parade its very part-of-a-crowd; every interaction in passing. running the stand #is direct interactions + they are specifically looking at Him. it feels different. but he does it because he loves his partners)#nyxtalks #ofmd #our flag means death #edward teach #stede bonnet #izzy hands #israel hands #blackbeard #blackhands #edizzy #gentlehands #stizzy #gentlebeard #blackbonnet #steddyhands #fanfic #sort of... i dont really consider this fic; more. scenario description but ill admit this ended up way closer to fic than i planned #but the weird stylistic choices are because. this wasnt intended as fully fleshed out fic.#i am not a writer & i dont want to be. im just a guy with ideas over here; and the best way to share ideas is through words #(Please dont count the commas per sentence ratio. Thats between me & god)#also. I cant believe i wrote something that can be tagged as gentlebeard centric. Who am i.

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ganondoodle · 3 months ago

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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #ganondoodles rants #sorta #suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw #theres some construction stuff on our house going on #and my father is extremely stressed about it #he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed #my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi #to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself #which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee #and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her #to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life #BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her #without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears #and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains #but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being #always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold #but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings

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dykedvonte · 27 days ago

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wanted to say I appreciate your nuanced takes on MW and especially Curly. i don't get the claim that the fandom is full of Curly apologists when majority (esp yt and tiktok) say he's worse than Jimmy. Yes there's commentary about bro culture defending people, he def messed up in trying to placate Jimmy (tbh "we'll fix this" sounded more like trying to keep someone prone to outbursts like Jim calm and not hurt Anya/himself) but I don't think he did nothing to help Anya, since she continued to confide in him and he had less than a week to resolve it before the crash (I also don't get everyone saying he knew for ages when it seems like Anya told him that same week). I get Jimmy's a pos but saying stuff like Curly should've known he'd crash the ship or that Jim had a criminal record he ignored, reducing them to obviously horrible villain and willfully ignorant sidekick feels like a disservice to the game. If your best friend turned out to be horrible, what would you do in a confined space in the span of a few days to respond? I'd say some of the horror comes from trying to do good but ultimately failing, Curly's state after the crash is meant to be tragic horror not revenge/punishment

Thank you and this is what I want to get across.

A lot of information we have to supplement when it comes to how long things have been happening on this current ship. I think people try to add on to the horror and negligence by making things more obvious so it can feel like it was easier to avoid when, true to life, its not. Jimmy clearly didn't deserve or appreciate what Curly did for him in getting him the job, but do you think if Jimmy was that big of a menace on Earth he would've given him a position where he could have that level of power over people's lives? There's something in the fact he specifically chose to pick a position so close to himself where he could watch Jimmy.

I hate the bro code argument because that is a whole can of worms people really don't get. That sort of mentality is born from the general respect and preference of male matter over female ones. Curly is clearly not that guy, he is absent minded about the issue and inadvertently dismissive but he clearly believes Anya, he just can't understand what she's going through. It's an onslaught of information that no one really reacts right to. Additonally, the entire discussion of her assualt plays to heavy into the idea that there is fault outside of the perpertratior when it comes to SA. It's too close if she only did this or if Curly had protected her better but the fact of the matter is Jimmy did what he did. He did it before any of the conversations with Anya about it and it's why her behavior seemed to change so drastically in those last two days.

He has other conflicting thought and while his role as a Captain should've taken over, people act like it's not a very human thing to have such a toxic presence cloud your judgement. It is never easy to separate friend from coworker once that connection is formed, you want to help them, especially if they were friend first and for a long while like in this case. It's not right, but people act like it would be easy when the game clearly points out that no choice is easy to make, especially when you have to make it for more than one person. You have the weigh the consequences, look at all the options and make a plan. People can headcanon and decide how long things where happening, but if we look at what we were presented through the characters eyes, the only person given time to do that was Jimmy.

He waited two months after the crash to appoint himself Captain. Every time a problem was brought up he immediately took action and refused to sit on it and find a better solution. I think it's important to look at the warped way Jimmy takes initiative where Curly didn't as it works as a good contrast of why you don't just run in to "fix" things. The quickest and easiest option may not be the safest or most beneficial. I think some thoughts on the game suffer from the black and white thinking the game doesn't operate on along with us being voyeurs. We see what exactly led to what but the characters don't. They don't have the hindsight and foresight we do and even ours is scrambled by the non-linear story telling.

Like it's hard to talk abuou those grey zones without sounding like an apologist because you're explaining why taking responsibility isn't easy. It's not and it's weird to act like it would be in a scenerio that led up to the events of the game knowing what we know. We see all these characters in such isolated moments with various things before, in between, after and even during we aren't privy too. The idea that Jimmy is worse than Curly heavily banks on the words Jimmy was saying to Jimmy before he crashed the ship. That whatever happened on the ship was his responsibility to bare, which is true due to his position. But, are they not still not responsible for taking the actions Curly then must bare?

Like i feel like people think that these are situation that become easier with age or when you are in a postion of authority and they aren't. You don't lose your biases or gain some sudden knowledge that makes it easier. It just becomes more tiring as you keep dealing with it. I would be first in line to say Curly fucked up and should've done more but the idea he knew how bad it could get or he really saw the worst in the people around him and ignored it pretty much ignores a huge aspect of his character and the game.

#i do believe Anya was a victum to Jimmy more than once before the crash but the game plays wit the sort of fear of waiting and stagnation #i believe the reason she decided to tell him was becasuse she finally broke down and tested to see if she was pregnant after one too many #signs and its why she went to hide the gun because she knew now that there was proof of what Jimmy did and was he would do anything to #cover it up and while she also didn't want the baby there was no sure fire way to safely induce a miscarriage or abortion cause shes smart #enough to know that hence her reading the illusion of choice and taking measures to protect herself #but in the hypothetical it was a one time occurence I think Jimmy would act like one single mistake shouldn't define him and Anya thinks #that if she did something sooner or said something sooner than she or Curly could've stopped all of it but that the hard thing taking actio #its so hard to be preventative to a person like they also have the autonomy to do things and no one on the ship is okay with actively takin #that away outside of Jimmy that its just a delicate issue and people act like it was a conscious choice not to help when he just helped #wrong he did wrong by not immediately punishing Jimmy but at the same time did he even fully get it yet? Jimmy immediately got into his hea #after like the sound design right before he confront him is telling like every track sort of gives you the feeling of the characters where #we cant see their thoughts because again the only two characters pov we get are Jimmy's and Curly's and even then we only get Curly's thru #the responsibilites he has to take like he is always tasked with something because thats his role but we rarely see him do something off hi #own volition cause hes a metaphorical cog in many of the machines the games comments on but he's not actively pulling a switch #also i think people latch on to the we can both be heros things too much when analyzing Curly because Curly very much is not happy being th #leader and current “hero” of the Tulpar he just wants out in a way that doesn't hurt and while he is still responsible for not doing more #the idea he could've easily nipped this in the butt acts like Jimmy was not a beast of his own and that he made Jimmy into the person he wa #vs the fact that Jimmy is a person on his own right that makes these choices others are forced to take responsibility for when he simply c #couldve not done evil shit like at the end of the day Curly is not perfect but not nearly or remotely as bad as Jimmy because for that hed #have to not care hed have to not have tried hed have to not try to take responsibility and he did just not in the right way but thats #subjective to the person and you can only realize you did fuck up after the results are before you and its tragic like this game is a #a tragedy no matter how you try and spin it. There's lessosn to be learnt but at the end of the day it telling the worst moments of peoples #lives and the certain inevitabilities that come with it #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #curly mouthwashing #captain curly #nurse anya #anya mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing

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