#“I hate society” says the neurotypical

[rainbowgod666]

*grabs you* idc if its pm seymour, @bettinalevyisdetermined or fucking THE CLICK, OZ MEDIA, OR OTHERS.

YOU WILL GO VIRAL OR SUCCUMB TO OBLIVION.

is this anything

[strainedgeek]

I am gay and stupid, @dolldecaying can confirm

[yeehawbvby]

Why (WHY) do neurotypicals always perceive being quiet, or reserved, or not seeking out other people, or even something as simple as rejecting food or something as an act of snootiness??? Like why do they see it as you thinking you’re better than them rather than just timid or something?? I don’t understand

Like the amount of times I find out people think that I believe I’m “above” them in some way (and therefore they like actually, fully despise me) just because I’m fucking shy and frankly VERY scared of humans is so high!!

It hurts so much because in reality I hate myself and all I want is irl friendship, but I can’t have that because of my limitations and others’ social expectations. The absolute last thing I’d think is that someone is like ~too lowly~ to be part of my life or whatever

It’s so fucking weird and unfair I hate being a human I just wanna be a fucking worm or house cat or something

[evangelifloss]

Thinking about a certain scene in Dungeon Meshi that completely encapsulates the Autistic experience of making friends as an adult and how hard it is to try and navigate it without ending up getting hurt.

Like IDK about y'all, but this is a common problem ALOT of Autistic Adults face when trying to make friends with other people, because unlike children who aren't good at keeping their opinions to themselves, Adults ARE. In society, we're even encouraged to "keep the peace" "be polite" and etc, which commonly leads to awful scenarios as shown above when Laois finds out his buddy has come to resent who Laois is without actually telling him. All too often the friends that we love to hang out with, people that we're so happy to spend time with, don't feel the same way and in many cases, come to blame us for our social cues or lack thereof.

And when/if we do eventually find out how our friend feels, Dungeon Meshi hits us with another painful panel of how that usually ends up playing out.

It's hard for Adults with Autism to make friends, and even harder to maintain them because alot of the ways Neurotypicals tell other Neurotypicals that they don't like a certain behavior is by quietly disengaging. Whether that involves having one sentence answers, going quiet, or having a certain tone in their voice, all those things signal annoyance or disapproval, but for the Neurodivergents, those subtle cues are completely missed.

And yet when we inevitably discover we DID do something, it is natural to ask "well why didn't you tell me?" because in our minds, it should've been the next step in the equation. However for the Neurotypicals, that's NOT something to bring up. Its important to be SUBTLE about the issue at hand and rely on signals to tell the other person. Blame is placed on us for not noticing the "obvious" signs of disapproval rather than the idea of talking it out as such things are uncomfortable and harder to do. Alot of the time what ends up happening is resentment due to the idea that it was "obvious" and the fact one didn't notice indicates a deliberate ignorance rather than a complete unawareness. It ends up calling into question our quality as a person and our sincerity. We get called "fake" or "malicious" or even "stupid" for failing social cues rather than questioning the decision to be indirect and vague.

For a manga about exploring the dungeon, it seems that the artist would rather explore very real and prevalent dynamics in society with the adventuring premise as a backdrop. I felt VERY seen in these panels, and many others, because it happens so suddenly and dare I say it, plainly. There's no dramatic build-up or spectacle made and in essence, it just Happens.

I think that's what makes the scene hit even harder. It seemingly comes out of nowhere for Laois, like how it always comes out of nowhere for alot of people, and it's never a dramatic twist either. It's always mundane and hurtful. A sudden unforeseen bump in the road that ends up calling into question one's entire friendship with someone and consequent other friendships. It asks "what if other friends feel the same. What if the people that I really like actually hate me and I don't know it?" Or at least that's what I came away with after reading the chapter. I've been where Laois was and the only reason I'm not there now is because I lost the naivete I had and doubt everyone else's sincerity.

[aishabellasbigblogofeverything]

OMG YOU’RE SO RIGHT! I LOVE BEING A WOMAN!

it really is okay to be a girl and to want to be a girl. society likes to tell us that being a woman is undesirable. that women can't be funny, smart, nuanced, or have a personality. that women can't have interests. women can't be this and women can't be that- none of that's true in the slightest- talk to any number of women and you'll see that's just not the case. women are as varied and nuanced as people can get.

it's okay to want to do the "shallow" things that people hate women for. it's also it's okay to want to be a woman who doesn't shave or care about their appearance. it's okay to be a butch woman. it's also okay to want to be hyper feminine and wear very well crafted makeup and well planned out outfits. it's okay to be a smart woman, it's okay to be a funny girl. it's okay to be the weird girl. it's okay to WANT to be a woman and ENJOY womanhood, no matter how you express it, no matter what body you're in or how your womanhood presents itself.

trans women, genderqueer women, intersex women, butch women, gnc women, cis women- it's okay to enjoy being a woman. it's okay to find joy in womanhood. it's okay to be a woman in your own way, too, stereotype or not- even if other people say you don't act like a woman or aren't one- it's okay to love being a woman. it's okay to love womanhood.

[silvermoon424]

Coming to terms with the fact that society hates autistic people

I just saw some comments that were like "If you're autistic, neurotypical people hate you" and "growing up as autistic in our neurotypical society is almost always inherently traumatizing." And you know what? I absolutely agree. It really resonates with me to hear fellow autistic and generally neurodivergent people talk about the hate, rejection, misunderstanding, and even dehumanization we receive from most neurotypicals.

My entire childhood was spent being the "weird girl" until I got good enough at masking to fit in better. Even now, as an adult, I get negative comments from my own (neurotypical) parents when I display certain neurodivergent behaviors. My family is always like "that's so Katy" and shake their heads when I act "too" autistic and it feels so fucking patronizing. I've had negative experiences and even disciplinary action at jobs I've had for exhibiting neurodivergent behavior (usually related to my ADHD, but sometimes autism too). My entire fucking life I've been told by society to not act too much like myself or else I'll put everyone off.

And then you see people being sympathetic to the parents of autistic children who abuse or even kill them. "It's sad, but it's understandable" neurotypical people say. Videos of autistic children having meltdowns are full of people saying that they should be locked up because they're no better than animals. We're seen as a burden, a drain on society, who are only tolerated if we learn to act "normal" and don't make the neurotypicals uncomfortable. Autistic people are front and center in "cringe" compilations and are ruthlessly bullied.

If I'm being honest, I'm still unlearning a lot of ableist thoughts that were instilled in me growing up. I sometimes catch myself thinking that other autistic people are annoying, and I have to stop myself and think "Do you really find them annoying, or were you programmed to be dismissive of people who don't act neurotypically enough?"

Anyway, idk where I'm going with this text wall. The older I get, the more I become aware of how much I've been harmed by an extremely ableist society, and it breaks my heart that more neurodivergent kids are being taught to suppress their true selves the way I was.

[seimsisk]

turns out I need to rant about House some more

see I have this friend who hates House because she's a woman with zero patience for asshole protagonists who everybody loves for no reason, which is fine, but then she watched some episodes and came to terrible no good very bad análises of the themes in House and everytime I think about it I get mad and ranty but I have no one to rant to

(like this was some three months ago. but my rant-brain doesn't know how to move on)

my friend seems to be under the impression that the core character trait of House (the character) is being an asshole, and that the episode where he talks about his teenage experience of meeting a genius doctor who everybody hated is some kind of badly written origin story of why he decided to be an asshole. which is a very upsetting analysis because of how unkind it is - it only makes sense of you assume the writing is bad

and it pisses me off first of all because that story was an explanation not of why house is an asshole but of why he's a doctor. totally different thing. and the reason he's a doctor is that he found out that doctors and respected even when they are hated.

so I would say House's core trait is not that he's an asshole exactly, but that he is hated. He's used to being hated, he doesn't try to not be hated, he hates himself even, and he genuinely believes that he is only tolerated because of his skills as a doctor. which is painfully relatable tbh.

house isn't just an asshole, he's a huge misfit who has come to the conclusion that trying to fit in is pointless and painful. he's a genius weirdo in too much pain to give a shit. he's chronically depressed but afraid treatment will dull his mind. he's an addict who argues that he needs his addiction to function (up until he accidentally almost kills someone). he's so obviously Neuro divergent that the show has like three separate episodes based around parallels between House and a neurodivergent and/or mentally disabled patient, and in each of them House is seen low-key envying those patients because they are not expected to behave like neurotypicals the way he is which is also painfully relatable. he's and asshole to everyone and he's extra special asshole to (neurotypical) people with physical disabilities (like he has), but he is genuinely kind and gentle to people with neurodivergencies and mental illnesses. also to whores. I think the thing is, if society hates you for who you are and how you behave, House immediately adopts you like a stray puppy, just like he adopts that sick rat Steve.

I was going somewhere with this but I forgot where. might continue rant later

[alexthebordercollie]

Soooo I made thing. I will probably redraw this in the cannon style in the future. As for my own personal style for drawing GF stuff, I'm still fleshing it out. But I have another AU now. My Hand of God AU has Ford committing to Bill and spending years trapped in a very abusive relationship, also the apocalypse so that's fun. This one's the complete opposite direction. Ford and Fidds accidentally come into possession of a pair of twins, these boys end up being the motivation it took for Ford to cut things off with Bill and do whatever it takes to keep him from ever getting out.

(I've yet to flesh out exactly how these two were born but the boys were created through anomalous means.)

On the left is Nik (Nikola) An adrenalin junkie who loves adventure and is an absolute menace to society as is the Pines tradition. On the right is Newt (Newton), a pastel-loving soft boy who will cry if you tell him pink is a girl color and gets overly attached to every weird critter Ford brings home.

Nick is missing a pinkie because Bill cut it off while possessing Ford when he was a baby as a threat. Trying to scare Ford into compliance by threatening to kill the boys. Ford did some very unsafe brain surgery on himself to make it impossible for him to ever sleep again. Cutting off Bill's ability to control him for the most part.

Portal is gone, still living in Gravity Falls though, and keeping an eye out for anyone Bill might try to manipulate. Fidds and his wife are divorced. Emma has primary custody but Tate stays with them in GF during the summers where he often bullies Nik and Newt. But Nik and Newt don't tell their dads about it because they know how much Fidds loves his other son and they don't want to make things complicated for him. Tate is just taking out his frustration over his parents failed marriage on his half-siblings. Fidds takes the twins with him when he visits Tate and the rest of his family in California for Christmas. Ford stays behind because Emma hates him and he doesn't want to deal with her family.

Ford and Fidds aren't married both cause it's not legal yet but also tbh not sure they ever would regardless just cause Ford is pretty disinterested in those sorts of formalities. Whatever it is they have going for them right now works for him.

Heavy thoughts below the cut.

TBH I made myself sad thinking about autistic people and our relationships. The way we love isn't always obvious to NT people and it can sometimes feel like you're not good enough for anyone because loving people in the way you're expected to is such a struggle.

Sometimes I see people frame Ford^2 as this completely unrequited thing and it reminds me of the experience of loving people very intensely but feeling unable to prove it because it's so difficult to live up to the standards most people have in relationships.

I like Fiddlestan as a ship it's cute and a fun idea and I get the appeal but there's a little nagging thought in the back of my head that it kind of implies Ford's neurotypical brother is better. More capable of real love. That Ford was never good enough. Not to say Fiddleford didn't deserve better but the idea that these two couldn't have worked makes me kind of depressed for kind of personal reasons so I wanted to make up a universe where they do.

Not to say there isn't plenty of material of Ford and Fidds reconnecting as old men and making it work but the fact they lost so much of their lives to bad decisions is still sad.

[genericpuff]

Okay, what was up with the "I'm with stupid" SpongeBob episode?

is this like a rhetorical question or are you asking for me to actually get into it lol because i absolutely will, here we go-

CW: discussions of ableism

honestly it's just one of those season 1-3 episodes that hasn't aged as well as all the others. like so much of seasons 1-3 are bangers, they often still hold up really well 20 years later and even the 'weaker' episodes are still solid and someone's favorite that they will fight to the death to defend

but the "I'm With Stupid" episode is genuinely the tarnish on that record because it's just. mean-spirited torturing and gaslighting of spongebob the whole way through. it's both foreshadowing of the declining quality of Spongebob that , at the time, we didn't know was coming (we know now) and foreshadowing of Patrick's character being devolved into the "big mean and dumb bully" archetype that comes around S4-5.

like for anyone who hasn't watched this episode or doesn't remember it, it's the one where patrick's parents are visiting and he's stressing out because his parents always treat him like an idiot (and we do know patrick isn't characterized as being "conventionally intelligent", but he's still a great guy throughout the first 3 seasons, he loves his friends, is the ultimate chill guy, and really he's just total ND vibes for anyone who remembers being that "not conventionally intelligent" kid growing up so I can def 100% understand the premise of this episode as someone who was that kid lmao)

and spongebob offers to help his friend out by sigh pretending to be stupid to make patrick look smarter by comparison

and i'm sure you can see where i'm going with this when i say this episode hasn't aged well

like it immediately starts on the wrong foot with the whole premise of spongebob playing the "protective helmet dummy" act which is just a cruel stereotype of disabled and neurodivergent individuals.

but then as it goes on, patrick basically weaponizes spongebob's idea against him by actually being mean to him the same way his own parents would (and yes his "parents" are cruel right out the gate to patrick, but then immediately shift focus to spongebob as the target once he arrives and puts on the "dumb person" act.)

is this resolved in any actually meaningful way? maybe something like the Squirrel Jokes episode where Spongebob gets rightfully called out by Sandy for making stereotypical jokes about squirrels which is a metaphor for jokes that punch down on girls/minorities/etc.?

nope, not at all. spongebob eventually gets so (rightfully) fed up with the bullying that he decides he's not gonna go along with it anymore esp when he offered to do this to help his FRIEND and that's now clearly being taken advantage of at his own expense. So he approaches the parents as his 'normal' self (ugh sorry i just hate using that word in this context) where he explains that he's not actually an 'idiot', he can do math and even knows how to do his own laundry (sigh, again, incredibly ableist). and how do patrick and his "parents" respond? oh right, they gaslight him and escalate the bullying. the parents don't believe that spongebob was putting on an act and just assume patrick "taught" him how to say the things he's saying to defend himself. which i don't even have to explain is just another level of mean-spirited because this is an ACTUAL THING that happens to neurodivergent / disabled children, their needs aren't taken seriously by the adults around them and because they're often seen as purely the stereotypes of their disabilities, they're talked down to and mistreated just because they don't function the same way that neurotypicals do in a society that's designed for neurotypicals.

anyways, spongebob is literally driven into a meltdown by the parents and patrick gaslighting him, and he runs home crying. that is the last that we see of him in the episode.

and then the "parents" happen to say their names out loud to each other and that's when patrick realizes they're... not his real parents. and the parents go "oh duh, that's right, we don't have a son!"

and that's it. that's the resolution to the episode. there is no moral, it tries to "get back" at patrick and his shitty fake parents by being like "haha see! they're stupid!!" but it just ??? doesn't at all make up for the 10 minutes of manipulating and abusing and gaslighting spongebob???

like up until this point in the show, the one who's usually on the end of the abuse is Squidward, sometimes Mr. Krabs, but both of them are often at the end of some kind of physical comedy as karma. Mr. Krabs is a scummy greedy capitalist, so of course anything that happens to him after he's done something awful is karmic justice in the form of an anti-capitalist metaphor that's funny for children and satisfying for the adults re-watching Squid on Strike who go, "OMG Mr. Krabs is unfair!" Of course because it's a serialized kid's show, it does have to go back to the status quo at the end of each episode so nothing can really come of Squidward dismantling oppression board by board (Spongebob is literally us when we were 6 btw, "Gee, IDK what Squidward's talking about, but he sure sounds convincing" which is just genius writing lol), but even episodes like Squid on Strike and Selling Out have incredibly timeless and STILL APPLICABLE MESSAGES about late stage capitalism and the death of small businesses under the weight of massive, predatory corporations that, if anything, have only aged BETTER over time because now the 6 year olds who watched that back in the 2000's are adults and living the reality that Squidward was living in.

and then ofc when it comes to Squidward, well, it's usually also karma after he took things too far in his cynical opposition to Spongebob's childhood wonder. In a lot of ways, Squidward is simultaneously an empathetic reflection of the adults who have had to survive under the oppression of capitalism, many of them giving up their hopes and dreams to do so; but also a grim reminder that if we're not careful and don't appreciate the little things that bring us joy, we too can become jaded and oppressive to the next generation.

there's a lot in the older Spongebob episodes that's a lot more counter-culture than people give it credit for (unsurprising though considering Stephen Hillenburg himself was a Gen X'er and many shows pioneered by Gen X'ers throughout the 80's and 90's were writing from a comically cynical point of view, like they hated capitalism and the boomers too, this shit runs deep LOL) making it a way more progressive show than many people give it credit for because on the surface, it's just that dumb kids show with the annoying laughing sponge.

nothing about I'm with Stupid is counter-culture or fighting for the "little guys" like so many other episodes do. whether it was a blind spot on Hillenburg's end or another writer on the staff who was severely misinformed, the entire episode shows its age in the most exhausting, uncomfortable, ableist way, by stringing together 11 excruciating minutes of gaslighting and manipulating a normally positive and endearing character who was just trying to help their friend, with no closure or apology towards said character, and no resolution or message in the end about how treating people differently based on their perceived intelligence is wrong and cruel. I feel like somewhere under all the mean-spirited attempts at "jokes", there was some fringe message about how right-wing assholes will look for lesser targets to "punch down on" or use manipulation tactics to make their victims appear weak by poking them in all the right places, but it's lost in the mishandling of the episode's overall structure where it spends the majority of time playing into disability / neurodivergent stereotypes for comedy, bullying a character who did nothing wrong, and then hastily resolves itself by leaving the message at "welp, at least Spongebob isn't as stupid as Patrick and his parents!"

this turned into a longer and more introspective post than I had planned, but man, I was genuinely shocked when I rewatched that episode for the first time in ages and realized it had come out during the seasons 1-3 era which has, y'know, the episodes that are still the most popular to this day 20 years later and contain the majority of every Spongebob meme template out there (of which there are a LOT).

Like I swear to god I always remembered this episode being part of the sort-of-later era, like shortly after the movie came out but before it became entirely mean-spirited in its comedy post-Hillenburg. But nope, I'm With Stupid accompanies Procrastination, one of my own personal favorite episodes from that era because it perfectly encapsulates the ADHD experience, both of which aired in 2001, three years before the Spongebob movie which is when most people agree that Spongebob 'peaked'.

I was just so stunned by that because most episodes of that seasons 1-3 era are generally so positive and equalizing between the varied characters, and when that balance is thrown off, it's usually for the sake of sending a message about being kind and accepting to one another. Shit, Sandy is someone whose entire characterization revolves around her being conventionally intelligent, she literally built a rocketship to fly to the moon, and yet in the very first episode where she meets Spongebob, as soon as she finds out Spongebob couldn't breathe without water, she doesn't make fun of him, she doesn't chastise him for lying to her, she simply accommodates him and Patrick by giving them fishbowls to wear on their heads whenever they want to visit her in her home, which we always see them wearing in subsequent episodes when they go to visit her (at worst she says "you could have asked" in response to their need for water, but in her defense, they gave her the impression they knew what air was and it does make a point about how we need to all play our role in both sides of the conversation so people can express their needs without feeling like a "nuisance"); and we always see her going out and interacting with her friends in Bikini Bottom in her suit, which people don't make fun of her for, until at the earliest the Squirrel Jokes episode which, again, see above, her getting made fun of by Spongebob and everyone in town is meant to serve as a message not to pick on people for their differences.

And no , I'm not saying all this as some nostalgic Spongebob fan, I'm saying this as someone who both watched the shit out of Spongebob as a kid AND as an adult, who regularly rewatches their favorite episodes from the earlier era of the show, has almost all of those season 1-3 episodes memorized line for line (even the ones I don't watch as often anymore), and is currently doing a binge watch of every episode from S1-3. I hadn't watched I'm with Stupid in a long time. Maybe that was for a good reason 😒💀

[olderthannetfic]

I really hate how easily it is to notice that, despite all the talks about tolerance and acceptance, the moment you start talking disability and the actual diversity of issues within, people get fucking uncomfortable

Especially abled-bodied, and/or neurotypical people who seem to have a might need to reframe disabilities. Not disabled, but DIFFERENTLY abled. Not disabled, but SPECIALLY abled. Or whatever, or reframing disabilities, especially chronic ones, as a superpower or some shit.

Even disabled people do that shit, it's still fucking annoying, but that's an issue between you and your life. Just don't try and push it as a "better term."

But what adds another layer is, that despite trying to pretend that people accept disabilities, they'll still become almost furious when something or a certain "life experience" is presented to be disabling. Not even "as a disability, period." but just disabling in your life.

It also almost always feels like disabilities are an afterthought in any discussions about society and issues faced. So many things don't get addressed or glossed over, UNLESS they also bother enough abled people. -Sever anxiety or other NDs that make it hard to talk to people? Nah, we won't give you the option for no-face-to-face ordering... oh the ablebodied people getting sick? Wait a minute, now it's much more accessible. : ) -Damn these stairs are hard to use because you use a wheelchair/bad legs/other shit? Ok, but can we wait until the people we actually care for need help? You can just crawl right? -You're a deaf/HOH person? And you wanna set up an appointment anywhere? Yeah... so... we only take calls. Yes we understand that we're a clinic specialising in HOH/Deafness, but you can't expect us to do HOH/Deafness-accessible appointment set-ups, like sms or email.

And then, when you dare talk about it. OTHER issues are more important. The WHATTABOUTISM in disabled issues is fucking staggering and painful. -Who cares that disabled people can't save money in fear of losing their life, what about POC people? What about queer people? -Who cares that disabled people are the first to be sacrificed when it comes down to it, covid anyone? Remember how disabled people were the first to be put on the "take them off the support" list? - Dating, relationships, marriage as a disabled person has red tape out the wazooo. But how dare you mention it, queer people also have problems.

It's not even like we get to say "Yeah both are important, let's work together." It's more like people are trying to push disabled issues out of the way, and occasionally add it on as an accessory in favor of the more "aesthetic" issues.

--

[nothing-ramblings]

i DO think laios is "autism creature" autistic. I think he's actually a great example of that. Most of the time i see the autism creature associated with special interests and hyperfixations and there's no way you could argue that's not a trait he has, it's a major plotnpoint that drives the story forward along with his other motivation. Something I also see a lot is the austism creature being used as an example of cluelessness, because of its expression. How are you gonna point to his social awkwardness, the fact that he's literally completely clueless about making people uncomfortable unless it's explicitly stated to him, and say he doesn't fit that description. I'n not sure what "tumblr" autism is supposed to mean, the person was probably talking about the more palatable traits people discuss more openly, but do you really think people aren't socially awkward in this webbed site?

i saw a rlly good post reacting to someone else's rotten take, unfortunately at the time i was too tired to read the full post and i ended up losing it, so i don't remember what all it said but basically the rotten take was calling laios creepy (in a "funny haha way" to disguise it) due to his traits, and op of the post i saw was explaining how that's fucked up. I think from what I skimmed it was very personal, comparing their own experiences to laios and honestly that might be my favorite thing about him. He doesn't just have the "palatable" traits that people are comfortable seeing. He is clueless, he had no idea someone disliked him, he even thought they were close friends, because that person never let him know when he was crossing a boundary until it was too much. Soon after this almost the opposite happens, where he doesn't believe someone else wants to be his friend, because now he's aware that he can't pick up on social cues, and he also knows he caused this person discomfort before, so why would they want to be his friend? He's "messy" in that he has a lot of traits people like to avoid when talking about autism, because it's stuff neurotypicals don't like.

He's literally that kid who people would be like "oh well if i knew he was autistic i wouldn't have treated him badly" (which is stupid, you should treat people well in general and not be an asshole then apologize because someone is actually neurodivergent or mentally ill). And guess what? He has friends who love him. They know he's awkward and clueless and has "weird" interests and they still love him. He has people who will stand up for him even after coming to the conclusion that he's "a little creepy" because they know he's a good person, and they like his honesty. Someone explicitly admits they envy his ability to be so openly himself, even after that same person tried to frame that trait as a bad thing, because they realized what they hated wasn't laios honesty but the fact that laios is able to act that way, while most people feel trapped by social rules and don't have that same freedom to be themselves. Laios can be himself not because society accepts him, in fact the first assumption when the elves learn he likes monsters is that he must be prone to evil. Because that's weird and creepy. Society does not accept him. His friends do. His sister does, she loves him and looks up to him as an adult as much as she did as a child. He has a support system. He is loved. Even people who don't necssarily love him know he could never become evil, even if they also think his special interest is a bit creepy. Because they know laios, actually know him, and they know that in his awkwardness he's still a kind person. He misses a lot of social cues, sometimes he says things that are tone deaf without realizing at all, and his friends know he means no harm. He just struggles with these things.

I think laios is a very good example of how nobody is unlovable, regardless of how awkward or clueless you might be, even if your special interest is something perceived as creepy. To me Laios is a reminder for anyone who needs to hear it that you are deserving of love too. Maybe you just beed to find a better support system, and that might take a while, but there's people who will love you the way you are, and accept you the way you are

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

NPD culture is hating the fact that it’s called “supply”, it makes it sound like we’re parasites or something. I know it’s called supply for other personality disorders, but it feels odd. I feel there is a better way to describe the need to regulate self esteem, etc., in personality disorders. To be honest, there’s a lot of ableist language that describes personality disorders in the DSM-V; they describe us like we’re animals, especially from what I’ve seen on Wikipedia. I remember seeing one article talking about “breeding” those with ASPD (but referring to them with ableist terms), it was fucking disgusting. We shouldn’t be seen as inferior and less than Neurotypicals (and Non-Cluster-Bs) for having Cluster B disorders, we are not parasites for having higher support needs. I’m sick of being seen as a burden just because I got dealt a bad hand in my life and now I need extra support because my brain works differently. Accommodations for other disorders like anxiety, depression, autism, etc., are not called supply. They’re support needs and accommodations. So why can’t they be called support needs and accommodations for Cluster Bs then (since that’s what they are)? I understand that some people prefer to call it supply and this isn’t targeted at them, I just don’t understand why it’s called supply. Of course I don’t expect people to bend over backwards for me and do everything for me, but some accommodations and boundaries would be nice, you know? I’m sick of being seen as inconvenient and needy for having basic needs, for needing more support and help than others, for being different. So many people are unwilling to bond and connect with me because I’m too “intense” or I’m “needy”. It’s not my fault I was messed up in childhood, and it’s not their fault either. But if it’s socially acceptable to give those with “acceptable disorders” accommodations, then Cluster Bs (and other stigmatized disorders) should also receive appropriate support. For example, those with anxiety can be given accommodations such as a safe place to go when they’re overwhelmed or fidgets. Support needs are different for everyone, but for a Cluster B it could maybe look like people asking before giving constructive criticism and feedback (they should technically already be doing that), etc. Fuck, I’m rambling again. I guess that’s my way of saying I’m sick of being seen as less than other people and a burden on society just because I was traumatized!

.

[ficswjackson]

severus and autistic!partner hc’s.

a/n : hi this is the first personal thing that i am publishing & honestly i really am so very happy with it. i am a afab young adult late diagnosed autistic, but i have tried to keep it gender neutral so more people can relate to it. this is a very important topic for me, and i love writing about autistic people. i get it that severus is not everyone’s cup of tea, but please do not hate on this - just ignore it if you don’t want to interact.

word count - 1.7k ( sorry for the length, i just started writing and then didn’t stop )

initially telling severus & discusssions around that.

- as a young adult, getting the diagnosis both helped but also lead to some confusing questions and left you feeling pretty alone in a neurotypical society.

- however when you told severus, he did not seem suprised. he seemed to be confused, but not suprised. he noticed that you expressed some traits, which typically leaned towards autism.

- he recently paid more significant attention to your habits & the way you act in certain situations, such as the plushie you carry around & the way you go silent in busy situations.

- when he found out, he repeatedly reassured you that ‘nothing had changed’ either with his opinion of you or the way he feels about you.

- you would know that it had changed, but it had changed for the better rather than the worse.

- it was now important that you were able to set the appropriate boundaries that you needed too in order to make your autism more manageable for you.

severus reading up about autism & how to help

- with severus being the intellect that he is, he would like to read up about young adult autism & how would be the best way to help with you and your autism.

- for a few weeks afterwards, you would find help books all around the house, open to random pages. especially by your bedside table & on his work desk as well.

- severus would both read and explore different ideas in how to help most with your autism. on his computer, you would often find tabs open where he would talk to other people’s partners about their partners autism & how they handle it / help with it.

- when you initially found the books, severus would explain that ‘he wanted to help you the best that he could’ and make things as easier as he could for you.

- your response to that would be too go up to him and hug him, seeking the comfort that you never found as a child. he would instantly wrap his arms around you, squeezing you tightly. he would rest his head on top of yours, due to the height difference between you too.

- over the next few weeks, while he read up about autism - you would talk to you more about how he felt lonely growing up & that you did not have friends or family.

- he talked about his lack of belonging in society & the way he felt alienated. ‘i never felt like I belonged, until I met you. your presence just feels like home to me’. you feel the exact same way, being safe in his arms.

severus & his indentity.

- both in and out of hogwarts, severus was known to be impaitent and cold hearted. but with you from the start, he was patient & he listened to anything you had to say whether he viewed it as important or not.

- he was very careful around you, in order to make you feel safe in all situations. he would never force you to speak or do anything.

- if you went non verbal he would find other means to communicate with you, such as through written words or simply just through actions. he also briefly looked into learning sign language in order to help you communicate when you go into verbal shutdown but the conversation hadnt happened yet, so he held off and just learnt it quietly in the background.

- he became quite good at noticing what you needed : whether that be hugs or some space alone. if you needed hugs, he would hold you tightly and would do breathing with you, often letting you just sit with him letting you be comforted by his heartbeat.

- however if he sensed you needed space, he would move to the other-side of the room & do something independently, such as reading. he would stay in the same room if he could just to make sure you stay safe. he would keep you company in simple ways, but it would be very effective.

stimming & meltdowns.

- the first time severus sees you stimming, is through happiness. he finds happiness in himself watching your joy, in such a untainted manner. he then vows to make sure that you are happy in every situation that you can be.

- when severus see’s you having a meltdown, it hurts his heart so very much. he can physically feel the pain, radiating in his chest watching you and the way that you react.

- he tries to comfort you the best that he can, while sticking to the boundaries, which you have put in place. most of the time during these meltdowns, he will give you the space that you need.

- he has found that when you are in this state, it sometimes calms you down when he reads to you. he can read to you for hours, or as long as you need the help for. he will try to calm you down in whatever manner he can.

infodumping with severus

- one of severus’s favourite things to hear is when you infodump. he will listen to you info dump about anything, even if he has no interest in the subject.

- when you talk about anything, his chest will have a warm feeling spread throughout it & he will often be left with a smile on his face. he listens and remembers everything that you say, as it makes him so very happy when you feel comfortable enough with him.

- ‘oh i am sorry, am i rambling again? you must tell me to stop otherwise you know that I will not… ‘ severus will stop your apology, by kissing your forehead and threading his fingers between yours. ‘I love it when you talk to me, please do not stop’.

- you also love to listen to severus talk about his interests, and you adore seeing him be passionate about the subject that he is most interested in.

- severus could talk for hours about potions & the outdoors, he has a lot of knowledge and hearing anything he has to say, just makes you smile.

- he also loves it when you come out potion hunting with him, as it allows him to know that you are safe. he will often suprise you with events at night, such as watching the animals in the forbidden forest & he will cast spells to make you calm & make the situation much easier for you when dealing with your autism.

trusting severus

- due to your trust in severus, you opened up about your childhood & teen experiences ; about how you spent a lot more time alone, the way you were bullied by other students, the way you had a bad relationship with most people in your life. you felt that any friendship you made, would not last leading you to be alone a lot of the time.

- you also opened up about your struggle with your identity, turmoil of emotions & dealing with the change in society regarding emotions and trying to fit in with other people your own age.

- growing up as a undiagnosed autistic, was very alienating. ‘I masked for many years, i masked so hard i actually lost who I am’

- severus resonated with most of those things as well, as he often spend a lot of time alone growing up, he didn’t really interact with many people and he also preferred to read rather than do anything too social. he had no real friends, either.

- ‘you never have to mask with me, i promise. no matter what you have to say, i will listen to you’

worries with severus & relationships

- ‘am I too much?’ you regularly have this fear that you are too much. you have been told by multiple people, your parents, your friends and past ‘relationships’ that everything you do is too much.

- you spent your whole life being half the person that you are in order to fit in with what the people want to see, not who you truly are. ‘i apologise if I am, please feel free to tell me if I am…’

- upon hearing this, Severus assures you that ‘you sometimes are a little much’ but that ‘i like that you are too much, you are my too much’. he constantly tries to reassure you that you are not too much for him, he finds pleasure in listening to you talk and engage in subjects that you find interesting.

putting his research into action

- after reading the books, severus found that it was important to implement steady breathing techniques in order to calm your anxieties around autism. ‘i’m so proud of you for calming down a little bit already’.

- he would make sure that you stayed calm in certain situations and it would help you to focus on something other than feelings of sadness.

- severus would sit and wait with me, until my breathing calmed down. he would hold your hand against his chest, focusing on something other than how you feel. ‘we can do this, together’

- however, there are moments where severus will also use deep compression in order to calm me down, before a meltdown comes on. ‘i know you need me, your safe’

- he once again lets you hear and feel his heartbeat in order to ground yourself. if he notices that you are not in the right mental state to be held, he will often just grip your hands & holds the pressure points on your wrists to calm you down. ‘i will keep you safe for as long as you need me’

autistic safe space.

- he builds you a relaxing safe space, in order to fully decompress from anxieties and be able to truly be yourself. it includes a lot of blankets & plushies in order to make you feel safe. ‘something that’s cozy and enclosed and safe for you’

- he builds you a safe space in your home, kind of like a fort with lots of blankets and a safe space to spend time on your own. severus occasionally finds himself being able to curl up in your fort with you just to keep you company if your having a bad night or something. ‘maybe we can build a safe space like that in our bedroom’

- when you have a meltdown at work, he also does the same to you there. he provides you with a safe space, normally under a desk in his office in order to decompress.

- he makes sure it’s as quiet as you need it to be, to help. he always tries to help you in the best way that he can & he finds comfort in being able to provide comfort for you.

meltdown preparation

- between you and severus, you can normally tell when a meltdown is coming on & he will do anything that he can in order to calm you down before it gets too bad.

- he will offer to help you, either by cooking or providing items that give you sensory help in order to ground yourself. ‘i just want you to be safe and comfortable’

- he will always try to take pressure of you, to make life easier for you. wether that be something as simple as giving you a plushie or cooking a meal for you. he makes your life so much more easier & your so grateful for him.

[wolfs-wake]

So re-watching the entirety of dungeon meshi and the main thing I can say is....

NEW HORROR FLAVOR JUST DROPPED GUYS WELCOME TO AUTISTIC HORROR (/hj)

This is mainly referring to the scene with Laios and Shuro.

Throughout the story it's very clear to anyone who's experienced or knows about the autistic experience that Laios is autistic. All the characters are representative of different parts of the autism spectrum but Laios is clearly shown more than others.

Even Falin experiences it in the flash back.

The exact horror is the horror of exclusion, discrimination, and social cues for lack of a better word.

Where if you differ from the expectation based on how your very brain and being works, then you're set for failure in the eyes of the nerotypical. This can be seen with Falin at magic school due to her different mindset and even her upbringing. The only friend she has is Marcille who wanted to know her technique and even she judged her at first.

It's something every nerodivergent person has experienced in school, the knowing and experience of being seen as 'other' by your peers for your comforts and your behavior.

Laios is well Laios and his lack of understanding of social cues and dynamics show a different point of it. The horror of misunderstanding. He believed so deeply that Shuro was his friend because why wouldn't he, why would someone spend time with him, risk their life with him if they weren't his friend. Just for it to reveal he was hated, because of things out of his control.

There's no real way I can put the exact feeling of that experience into words if someone didn't experience it themselves on a personal level. I have, I was diagnosed with autism when I was 3, one of the earliest ages to diagnose at the time. I was lucky enough to know the name for what was going on with my brain, but that's where the comfort stopped. The betrayal and the eventual knowledge of others hatred towards you is crushing, it's something I wouldn't wish on my own enemies. Even further it's the fear of being an outsider, wanting a connection so desperately but having to except it will never happen.

That is autistic horror, that no matter what you do, how you change or mask it will still happen and the only time you might get that connection is from other autistic people and even then it's never guaranteed. It's to the point of connecting to the monstrous and non human because other than autistic people those are the only things you can connect to. It's lonely and devastating knowing that one of the only things that can comfort you is what society might deem as even demonic because in a sense you know that you two are also demonic. It's why Laios shows interest and openly wishes to be a monster. I wish to be a monster I know many other autistic people with the same wish because we're lonely and there's no other means to connect than to accept that in a society of neurotypical people, we are the monsters they tell stories about.

That's it, that's autistic horror. It's the outcast, the loneliness, the desperation, it's the need and denial for connection.

Dungeon meshi does a good job, too good of a job showing that. Dungeon meshi shows the psychological horror of being autistic and thus shunned from all others.

That scene with Laios and Shuro made me almost cry, it made me crack because it's the exact thing I experienced my entire life and it's horrifying.

There's the edition of otherkinity and the other kin experience that I could easily tie in here but honestly that's for a different mini essay.

[avpdvoidspace]

Do you ever struggle with being demonized for your quietness? I have, pretty much my whole life. I think it's a huge problem in society, if I'm being honest. I'm tired of acting like my whole child-self was in the wrong for not being able to bring myself to talk in a lot of situations, especially since I didn't get diagnosed and treated for my disorders until I was an adult. To be honest, I think it's society's way of demonizing people with AvPD, non-verbal autism and selective mutism. Thinking people like us are "rude" or "suspicious" for only speaking when spoken to, or having a non-verbal episode where we can't speak at all. I was suspected of being violent or "hiding something". Also I was deemed "weird" and treated like some alien due to other neurodivergencies as well.

People on this website sometimes act like being quiet is also a weakness or result of privilege. My parents were encouraging me and trying to get me to speak all the time, though. No one was saying "you don't have to speak if you don't want to". My father used to get angry with me about it, calling me "weak" and my mother used to guilt-trip me for it, claiming I "never tried hard enough" for her because I couldn't get myself to be neurotypical.

I also grew up in a world of domestic violence. My mother told me the abuse she faced from my father started getting particularly worse when she was pregnant with me. I was a little child born on-edge and having to walk on eggshells. My parents would get into violent fights with each other and my father would hit me, too. Both my parents worked and instead of spending time at home playing or bonding with family like other kids did, I was made to go to headstart when I was only like 2. I know it might seem like not a big deal, but thinking about it, I didn't have the same experiences that average kids do, and I still don't know if whether or not that contributed to my avoidant personality. I didn't even realize most kids don't even start school until they're 4 or 5 until I was much older. People have been getting me out there and encouraging me to socialize with others since the very beginning. It never worked.

I spent my whole life hating myself for it. I felt like I was never competent and that I was a burden on my mother. And there were many times I did try to make connections with others but they ended up either backstabbing me or shaming me for my interests. I regret a lot of the times I allowed myself to be known by others. There are many memories of me simply saying things to people that make me feel awful. Terrible disorder.

I did manage to make and keep some friends. But also I'm still not truly myself with most of them and still afraid they're going to end up demonizing me too if they knew more about me. Being queer and growing up with having kinks has left me with seeing so much family, strangers, and even other queer people say people like me are "freaks" and "degenerates" to my face without knowing they're talking someone who's exactly the kind of person they think should be killed.

I saw a post recently and honestly, it doesn't even apply to me. However, it still managed evoke a lot of negative emotions and memories I am experiencing right now...

So there's this post going around that goes something like "discourse about letting kids not say 'trick or treat' is concerning"(paraphrasing) which was weird to me at first because I've never seen anyone say they allow their kids not to say it. I've always said "trick or trick" during Halloween as a kid, even adding some "meows" because I liked being a cat. So it doesn't even apply to me.

But then there were people acting like not saying it comes from a place of privilege. Someone was like (paraphrasing again)"when I was giving out candy, all the black children were lively and sweet, and all the kids who didn't say it were white and probably middle class".

And that struck me a bit. I'm mixed race. People treated me like a potential violent threat because of my quiet nature, which was a result from trauma, not anyone "babying" me. I was always working class. My parents didn't even own a car. We used public transportation to get everywhere.

BIPOC kids who are quiet get treated as threats! Of course you fucking enjoy lively black kids. If one of them was quiet, you might demonize them...

Then there were people saying "you people just need to grow up."

It's so strange that traits that apply to non-verbal autism or CPTSD get deemed as "social anxiety", because tumblr thinks that is the lesser disorder.

I don't know. I got a lot of bad memories spring up from seeing that post, and I just wanted to vent about it here. So many people demonized me for being quiet growing up and it made me believe I was a monster for so long.

I'm not even saying I encourage the behavior of refusing to talk to people. I had a nice conversation with an old woman at Dunkin yesterday. I enjoy small talk and listening to others talk, even when I can't add much to the conversation. I just worry about other children who are like how I was growing up, being traumatized and quiet and being treated like shit for it... I don't trust anyone sees "quiet" as "rude"

I'm sorry about the length and I hope you're doing well.

anon, I'm sorry this took me so long to post. I just want to say that your ask really resonated with me and I've thought about it several times since receiving it. I get similarly frustrated when I see priveleged people praising marginalized for being more friendly, more whatever, for similar reasons. Or setting up an oppression competition between two groups they're not even a part of.

[fierceawakening]

So this post is going to be a bit rough and rambly but… I don’t know how we put this genie back in the box.

Do any of you remember when I’d freshly left the abusive relationship I was in and I read VORACIOUSLY, trying to figure out how I’d been taken in by such an awful person? (I vividly remember telling my dad about her saying I’m sure I’m gay because on my previous relationships with men I never thought I was in love, but this was so intense… well. I still wasn’t sure but I wondered if it might be.)

I read stuff like Why Does He Do That? and I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me. I also read things like The Sociopath Next Door and one of Hare’s books on psychopathy. I’m pretty sure my ex just had BPD, and I hasten to say even there that I have known many other people with BPD who I emphatically don’t think would treat me the way she did. I was trying to make sense of her, not trying to condemn anyone with a label I don’t have. (There are prosocial psychopaths, too.)

Mostly I was trying to make sense of her lack of remorse. She presented it as sexy and exciting—oh no, I don’t ever worry about taking kink too far, I don’t care what people think of me, I never give someone who wronged me a second chance.

I now see these as huge red flags and worried about them even then, but I tend to be someone who obsesses over whether I’m giving people a fair shake, so the idea of getting with her sounded like a fun vacation from scrupulosity.

It was actually “surely the leopard won’t eat MY face,” but I didn’t see it then.

Anyway. Around that time I got into a lot of arguments with people here who felt that putting too much stock into those books was inherently ableist.

The things the books said about lack of empathy, about how someone who lacks empathy treats even close loved ones as objects of use and not as full people, resonated with how I’d been treated by someone who professed to care about me. But it ruffled HARD the feathers of people for whom “lacking empathy” just means “beepy boopy, but not uncaring.” I have no solution to this—I think they’re two different phenomena that unfortunately have the same name (on tumblr. Not sure they do offline.)

Any double way. One thing I kept coming across in that research was the specter of the sociopathic leader. A charismatic public figure who charms a whole community or nation, and once they do that, rule with an iron fist.

The appeal was eerily similar to why I’d latched on to such a gross girlfriend. “Don’t you ever just want to go ape shitt,” basically. What if you don’t have to care? What if you get to put yourself, your family, your tribe, America First?

Doesn’t that take a load off your mind?

Those weird leftists who don’t understand God or gender or American exceptionalism… what if you don’t have to understand them anyway?

What if all you have to do is win?

My books said THAT is why we should continue to think of sociopathy as bad and people who have it as predators. Not because human rights stop mattering if someone isn’t neurotypical but because the attitude is infectious.

A person who thinks that way by default, if they’re charismatic (and many are), can EASILY get someone who doesn’t think that way to start wondering why they bother with perspective taking and empathy and remorse anyway.

Dehumanization is a virus, and people like that are carriers. The more power they have in a society, the more virulent the strain.

Do most people eventually snap out of it? I mean I’d better think so, my sister in law is German.

But how long does it take?

That I don’t know. And that’s what makes me think Trump might win.

And why I continue to think fighting ableism is important but ALSO to think acting like empathy is superfluous is playing with fire.