#“Comfort scene” (the most traumatizing moment of that characters life)

[bardic-tales]

The Leviathan method: Step 11: Describe Your Protagonist(s)

Bianca Moore is a striking figure with golden hair that frames her flawless complexion and brown eyes, complemented by an hourglass figure. Standing at 5 feet tall, her appearance is both graceful and formidable, with white, black, and gold wings accented by golden feathers that hint at her celestial origins. Despite her angelic beauty, her elongated canines and aura of mystery hint at her hybrid nature. She is shaped by trauma and conflict. Bianca carries the weight of her tumultuous past with silent strength and often conceals her vulnerability behind a mask of pragmatism and reserve.

Quick Reference List

Tech Knowledge: Basic Modern Tech, Writing Software

Economic Class: Upper Middle-Class Author, Self-Sufficient, CEO Wife

Skills: Magic Combat (time-space-ice), Healing, Reality Manipulation. Swordsmanship (Noctemaris - Solstice)

Hobbies: Reading, Sketching, Writing

Classifications: Celestial-Demonic Hybrid, Otherworldly, Cosmic Horror

Vital Stats: Petite Build, Ethereal Glow, Dual Heritage

Bianca Moore: Detailed Character Breakdown

Technology/Tech Knowledge Bianca has a rudimentary understanding of modern technology but is far from a tech-savvy individual. She knows how to operate everyday devices like smartphones and laptops, using them primarily to write her novels or research. Her skills extend to basic software like word processors and communication tools, but she struggles with more advanced or futuristic technology. Due to her displacement, she has no need for advanced machinery, relying instead on her abilities. However, she is intrigued by weaponry and gadgets, particularly those she encounters in the world of Final Fantasy VII. Tech Knowledge: Basic Modern Tech, Writing Software

Economic/Social Class (during her marriage to Mordecai) Bianca’s economic status reflects her partnership with Mordecai, whose successful business ventures as CEO of Darklight Publishing ensured a comfortable and stable life for both of them. As an accomplished romance novelist, Bianca also contributed to their financial security. Her career, while not as lucrative as Mordecai’s publishing business, allowed her creative freedom and an independent sense of purpose. Economic Class: Middle-Class Author, Self-Sufficient, CEO's wife

Magic Abilities or Skills Bianca possesses a vast array of abilities tied to her celestial and demonic lineage. Her most prominent powers include spatial manipulation, energy projection, and the ability to interact with the souls of the departed. She has time, space, ice, nightmare, healing and protective magic, . Her combat style relies on agility, evasion, and precision strikes with her celestial blade, Solstice, and demonic blade Noctemaris. While she has some knowledge of swordsmanship, she excels more in magical combat and strategic planning. Skills: Magic Combat (time-space-ice), Healing, Reality Manipulation

Culture and Hobbies Bianca is a passionate reader, finding solace in romance and survival novels that mirror aspects of her life. She also enjoys sketching, often drawing scenes from her past or the people she holds dear. She appreciates moments of quiet reflection, writing in her journal, or exploring natural landscapes. Her hobbies provide a reprieve from her turbulent existence, grounding her in a sense of normalcy. Hobbies: Reading, Sketching, Writing

Classifications Bianca’s unique lineage as a celestial-demonic hybrid grants a distinctive appearance. Her golden hair, radiant complexion, and glowing eyes mark her as a being of divine origin, She has angel wings (black, white, and gold feathers). Classifications: Celestial-Demonic Hybrid, Otherworldly, Cosmic Horror

Vital Statistics Height: 5 feet (152 cm) Weight: 105 lbs (47.6 kg); 128.6 lbs (58.3 kg) including wings Age: 23 Health: Moderately stable, though influenced by her traumatic past Appearance: Bianca has waist-length wavy gold hair, piercing brown eyes that glows gold when she uses her powers, and an hourglass figure. Vital Stats: Petite Build, Ethereal Glow, Dual Heritage

tagging some fellow mutuals: @themaradwrites @whatwedointhecraft @megandaisy9 @watermeezer

@prehistoric-creatures @creativechaosqueen @chickensarentcheap @seastarblue

@inkandimpressions

[caterpillarinacave]

omg what did you just notice about the cadair idris battle scene? I'm so curious now

Oh, this is so genuinely deeply underwhelming, but this part of the battle way at the beginning:

I just hadn’t noticed that the automaton stood up as opposed to just sat up between these two moments, presumably in smooth motion:

ei, sat up, grabbed Henry, stood up while keeping hold on him, was standing by the time shit hit the span, presumably less than a second since Charlotte couldn’t bridge the gap.

For certain taking “a step forward” to tear out a silent brothers throat (uhhh RIP Brother Micah you were a walking death flag) requires standing at full height.

Plus logically speaking, to pull off that sort of attack on a 6’4 adult man then physically throwing his body is most logical if the automaton stands up. 

I specifically never processed the “took a step forward line” which a) gives means I evidently have the reading comprehension skills of a kindergartner and b) gave me an instant internal crisis.

 TLDR: when the automaton “sat up” it stood up, which makes complete sense, doesn’t really change anything, and I didn’t notice. 

[buggachat]

Honestly I think my take on the "Chat Noir was not there in the final battle" comes down to the fact that I kind of just don't think a satisfying final battle between Chat Noir and Monarch was actually possible.

I read a lot of fic, for example, and I've read the scenario play out a lot of times in a ton of ways and I've never been fully convinced of it tbh (and not because they weren't great fic!!). It seems just completely traumatic for Adrien in a way that the scenario inherently cannot properly focus on, because it's all happening in the middle of an action scene and Adrien is too busy being Mid-Battle to properly have a cathartic breakdown about it all. I mean, Chat Blanc already showed us what would happen if he did have a breakdown mid-battle (and why wouldn't he?). And though it'd be fun to have a big triumphant moment of him defeating his abusive father, Adrien simply isn't a character who would find that scenario triumphant, or cathartic, or anything other than viscerally traumatic.

Also, I agree that it's unfair that Chat Noir was not present— like it was unfairly tilted in Ladybug's favor— but I don't think it'd be fair if he was present, either. Because Marinette is, in fact, the main character. The main character whose character arc is primarily focused on her finding her footing as a hero and discovering all the responsibilities that come with that power (as opposed to Adrien, whose character arc is moreso about freedom and identity). And let's face it, in a fight between Ladybug and Chat Noir and Monarch, nobody would be focused on Ladybug at all. It's not about her. It's not her fight. She'd just be there as moral support and an extra set of hands, which really doesn't work for her character arc at all and is completely unfair to her!

Basically, it would just be Chat Noir temporarily acting as the main character and having the worst time of his life in the most un-cathartic battle for him possible left completely traumatized with Ladybug in the background awkwardly trying to comfort him after the fact? And then the season ends? And then the next season presumably goes back to Ladybug being the main character? After a time-skip to the new school year? It's just an ending that I feel like is a lot better in theory than actually on paper. And you can probably make an argument for ways that it could be made to work, where it would enhance Ladybug's story in a meaningful way where she still feels like the main character, and would somehow be triumphant for Chat Noir despite it probably being the worst moment of his life, and somehow not make the rest of the series following feel like bonus content as opposed to a continuation of the story...... but, I dunno. I think it's a lot easier said than done.

The fact of the matter is, I've always been waaayyyy more interested in how the aftermath of Gabriel's defeat affects Adrien than the battle itself. Post-Hawkmoth defeat is one of my favorite types of fic for a reason, and it's because the aftermath can be so juicy, especially for Adrien as a character. I think whether or not Adrien is actually there in the battle itself has always been kind of irrelevant to me, because no matter how Gabriel is defeated, his defeat will have immense repercussions on Adrien's life going forward. And the way they did it, Marinette is now a part of it in a more active way, too. Which is good for her character!

( Also, if he was there to triumphantly defeat Gabriel, would that mean he would just.... watch his father die? of cataclysm? a-and.... nathalie would just.... die, too? so he'd have three dead parents after all that? who he watched all die (or, in emilie's case, saw her corpse)? or is this a scenario where MONARCH BEATS CHAT NOIR and still makes the wish? is that cathartic? for Adrien to lose to Gabriel? Frankly, I loved seeing Gimmi and The Wish, it's been teased for so long that I was expecting it, and I loved the fact that Nathalie got to live as her narrative reward for coming to her senses and trying to murder Gabriel with a crossbow. I like that we got to watch a full season of Gabriel painfully dying to a cataclysm— poetically inflicted on him by Adrien, but of Gabriel's own doing. I like that Nathalie has presumably adopted Adrien after having an arc of her trying to be a parent to him once she realized nobody else would, that's so much more interesting than any other alternative. I just don't see how all of these things, some of my favorite things that season 5 gave, can still all exist at once with Chat Noir present in the final battle in any way that's satisfying. )

[tangents-within-tangents]

Thoughts on Echo as amputee/disability representation

First and foremost, I am not disabled or an amputee and I don’t claim to speak for those communities (and if I was I couldn't speak for everyone). What little I do know mostly comes from this youtube channel (@oakwyrm), this post, and other research I’ve done for my writing (and like one amputee I kinda knew in passing). By all means correct me and add to the conversation, I just have some thoughts I want to share because I haven’t really seen this discussed anywhere

Overview

So Echo is interesting. He is a triple amputee which is pretty rare in media. His disabilities come from extremely traumatic circumstances: injured in a near-death experience, imprisoned and dehumanized as an experiment with no autonomy over what happened to his body.

There are a few moments in the shows where Echo is treated… questionably. Like this bit where Rex uses him as an example of the Separatists' evils to convince the locals to fight back:

To be fair, yeah Echo’s treatment does prove that the Techno Union is not neutral like they claim. The modifications that everyone is gasping in horror at here obviously weren’t made with comfort and accessibility in mind, nor with Echo’s consent. But you still just want to be sure that “They took away his freedom, his humanity, they tried to turn him into a machine” is about using him as a living computer, not the fact that he is missing limbs. 

The Batch is also pretty insensitive toward him and his trauma imo, which is weird considering they've supposedly also faced discrimination for their mutations

Disabled people do have to deal with stuff like this in this day and age so I guess it can speak to those experiences. I think especially him being mistaken as a droid (and Hunter going along with it (bruh)) might resonate with some people. 

Aside from that stuff, Echo isn't really treated any differently as a character/person which is really good (as low of a bar as that is).

We get this moment in CW where Echo contemplates that yeah things are gonna be different now

While also (imo at least) showing that he is still the same person regardless, evidenced by the fact that he just echoed Rex :,) I also think it's significant that he joins the Bad Batch on his own terms and we're given a really emotional scene to specifically show that he's not just like 'lumped in with the other misfits' but that it is his choice to go where he feels his place is.

A lot of people, myself included, are disappointed that TBB didn't have more time to explore Echo's PTSD, but I think the one panic attack scene we did get is really good. Even thought it's minor it at least is an appropriate reaction from a guy who was medically tortured (which is more than I've come to expect from Star Wars shows lol)

And it's really sweet to see Omega showing Echo some empathy and consideration.

It would have been nice to see more of his adjustment period, and other side effects like chronic pain and maintenance, but there’s a lot of daily life stuff the show never had time for (i.e. we don’t know if he removed his prosthetics to sleep, but we also never saw him sleep anyway). His disabilities might take on a background role (much like the character himself sadly) but for the most part they aren’t invisible or erased, nor do they define his character and arc.

Physical Appearance

Okay this one is bit dicey, bc on the one hand, yes complaints that Echo’s paleness (most likely caused by burns from the explosion or chemical burns from the cryo-chamber) is whitewashing are totally valid. But I also think you can draw comparisons to real life conditions that affect pigmentation/complexion (like you know burns). So while I understand why a lot of fanart will depict him with his original skin tone and with hair, consider that there are real people who have to live with temporary or permanent changes to their appearance, and the idea of “fixing" him by making him look more like his old self can be problematic.

It's also interesting to note that Echo could act as a reversal of the 'disabled/disfigured = evil' trope. He's pale and bald and wears black and red, which is so often visually associated with villains, but we all know Echo is the bestest boy™

The Headpiece

Echo’s headpiece is interesting because within the show we don’t actually ever learn much about it (idk if there is more info in books or whatever bc i don’t have them so?). He didn’t have it in CW so we know it didn’t come from the Techno Union and therefore Echo probably had more choice with it. We don’t know its exact purpose but it’s most likely related to his scomping abilities. When he is hacking with his scomp in CW, before he has his headpiece, it’s clearly very mentally straining:

We don’t see him struggling like this in TBB once he does have it (though that could be bc he got more used to it over time). There doesn't seem to be much of an impact when he removes his headpiece in s3 ep14-15, except that he gets stuck in the ports every time he uses his scomp which is not something we’ve seen before: 

There might not be an exact real-world equivalent, but the headpiece is some kind of accessibility aid. It means that someone specifically designed a device to help him adapt to the changes the Techno Union made, as well as a helmet that integrates it. It’s removable and visually very present, much like a cochlear implant would be. (A lot of people actually headcanon it to act partially as a hearing aid, since it makes sense that Echo’s hearing would have been damaged in the explosion, but there isn't really any indication of this in canon.) The headpiece is never really acknowledged in the show, but I think that's a good thing. It's something he needs/wants and it just exists, completely normalized, and that's pretty cool 👍

Legs

Sigh... So from the very first episode of TBB I was really disappointed that the animation team or whoever completely visually erased Echo’s prosthetic legs (I think we all were, honestly, if fanart is anything to go by). It’s one thing when he’s in armor because he would probably want to protect his prosthetics, but we literally see him in his blacks and there is no indication whatsoever that he lost his legs even though it was not left up for debate at all in CW:

Like ??????!?

This is just really strange to me! Idk what went on behind the scenes with this decision but I don’t really see why it would be that much harder to animate or anything since it’s 3D and they've done it before. We do see some pretty sophisticated cybernetic technology in Star Wars canon that mimics real limbs:

But Luke’s fancy hand is technically 20ish years from now, so Anakin and Maul are more of a representation of what level we could expect here

So yeah, for no apparent reason, his leg amputation is effectively, visually and narratively nonexistent. Which is not great 👎

Arm!

The scomp on the other hand (uh lol!) is the complete opposite and I kinda love it!

At first I, like many others, thought it was a bit odd that they didn’t give Echo a prosthetic arm. Losing hands is basically a Star Wars tradition at this point, so robotic arms/hands are well established within the worldbuilding: 

We aren’t necessarily given a canon reason for why Echo doesn't get a cybernetic arm (again unless it's in some lore book I haven’t read, sorry). General fanon explanations I’ve seen are that he either couldn’t because the Techno Union wired the scomp too far into his nervous system, and/or the resources to give him one were deemed too expensive for a clone (what about his legs tho?), or that he chose not to, usually because he thought the scomping was useful. 

Regardless, I actually really love this choice (and it's the whole reason I made this post), because here's the thing: There’s a lot of problematic tropes out there that either erase/cure disabilities or compensate them with perks (like how pretty much any blind character is actually not blind by some sort of magic power). With amputees that is done with robotic arms. The character is still an amputee or course, and there is still value in that representation, if this story from Mark Hamill that makes me tear up is anything to go by:

but for the most part these characters function like anyone else, just with a limb that looks a little different. It’s no more than a video game skin, an able-bodied actor with a green screen glove. It “cures” the disability, or it actually makes the character even stronger than usual: 

It usually makes sense within the world of the story, but the reason it’s not so great in my opinion is that in the real world we just do not have technology anywhere close to that yet. Prosthetics can more or less replace any mobility from lost legs, but not for all the complexities of a hand (and even if they could the average person wouldn’t be able to afford it).

So

I think it's actually really super cool that Echo’s scomp bypasses the canonically-established amputee erasure and functions much like a stump would irl. He integrates it into his movements and everyday life and it’s (as far as I know) a lot closer to an everyday amputee’s experience. 

It doesn’t define his character, it doesn’t hold him back, he lives a full life, the other’s don’t treat him any differently, and he’s still a total karking badass 

The only additional thing is that he sometimes uses it as a weapon (which given his story, I think it’s cool to see him taking back autonomy in a way, and we only see that like twice)

And also the scomping, which could be seen as the 'added/compensating superpower' trope. But narratively it's no different than if he was plugging in with a hacking gadget of some kind (he didn't necessarily "need" to lose his arm for it) and it’s not like Echo is completely defined by this skill. Personally, I think it's well worth the positives of him actually having a visible and realistically impactful amputation. 

I see a lot of posts or comments out there that say stuff like “how come Echo doesn’t get a hand?” or fanworks that do give him one and I just think it’s a bit of a shame. If he did get a robotic hand, it just would have disappeared the same way his legs and Anakin’s arm did (aside from that one time he got yoinked by a magnet). When Echo did “get a hand” in the last two episodes there were comments like “yay he finally got a hand! but it doesn’t even work” but I was actually so relieved that it didn’t! Bc for one thing that wouldn’t make any sense, he grabbed it off a droid, it wasn’t designed to implement with his scomp, that would be really complicated. But more importantly because it again refused to erase/cure his disability! It functioned like a real-world cosmetic prosthetic (useless beyond appearance) which is exactly what he needed it for, so that he could blend in better with his disguise.

And he continually took it off throughout the episode and ditched it at the end. He only used it for the necessity of a stealth mission, he doesn’t feel the need to visually “fit in” in his daily life. 

And, last but very much not least, he made a dad joke and from my intel that is very accurate representation!

TLDR: Echo’s scomp is actually really cool from an amputee representation perspective, especially within Star Wars, and I think that deserves some appreciation 

[chirpsythismorning]

Mike's character regression can be explained in large part by one emotion in particular: guilt

Just want to preface this by saying that, this is not Mike slander. I love this dude. In fact, I think what makes Mike such an interesting character is that a lot of his behavior throughout the series can be explained in part by previous moments, and after really looking at all these moments together, what you end up with is a pretty fucked up story.

So while some might want to take this as Mike slander, these points I'm making are a part of Mike and things he has done and said and whether they were intentionally harmful or not, it's Mike. It's all shaped him and his role in the story. The fact that we're seeing a visible shift in his behavior at all, with plenty of moments from the show to back up what brought us here, makes it compelling enough to talk about.

So, without further ado, back to our roots:

Ah yes, the infamous canon proof disputing Mike's I think my life started that day we found you in the woods, claim during his monologue. Not only that, but in this original scene from 1x02, it turns out Mike actually intended to send her away the next day (all of which El could hear Mike saying from the open bathroom door).

Mike outright calling El a weapon, again telling the others they need her because they stand no chance at getting Will back otherwise.

I wont elaborate on this now, because there is way too much to unpack that'll honestly be more worthwhile discussing further on.

For now, this is a secret tool that will help us later.

These next couple scenes right here though, are pretty painful if I'm being completely honest. The way its shot, specifically El's very visible exhaustion, accompanied by the varying priorities of others around her, leaves me feeling pretty unsettled upon rewatches.

I obviously can't remember how I felt when I watched these scenes for the first time, but I imagine I viewed them as this huge romantic moment for Mike and El (I was tricked by heteronormativity, okay?). But, again, upon rewatching them since then, I've realized I get this sort of sad feeling by the end. You'll see what I mean.

El obviously just went through something extremely traumatic. She tried to go find Will and Barb in the void, only to find Barb dead and Will presumably alive, but then slipping through her fingers at the last second (no, literally).

We then got a moment where Joyce held El while the others sat by quietly because she clearly needed a moment of comfort given what she just endured.

Then in this scene shortly after, everyone is leaving to get ready for their final attempt at saving Will.

Now, notice how not only Lucas, but also Dustin make the effort to reach out to El to comfort her affectionately after that traumatic event, with those twos' actions specifically being showcased in sequence?

Lucas, who spent the better part of the season being critical of El, is now ending the season rubbing El's shoulder to warm her up, literally soothing her to make her feel better.

Then there's Dustin, who right after Lucas' gesture makes a gesture of his own, putting his hand on her knee reassuringly, to show her he's there and he's happy she's okay.

And lastly there's Mike, who is so kindly allowing El to rest her head on his shoulder. This placement of Mike and El here is definitely a testament to the fact that Mike has vouched for El this whole time in contrast to the others and so, understandably, she put her head on his shoulder for reassurance, because out of the three of them, he's the one whose been looking out for her the most. (Right?)

Now you might be thinking that this sequence's only purpose was to show Lucas and Dustin's development with El, and that it wasn't intentional that they focused on Lucas and Dustins' priorities in this moment in contrast to Mikes'. And I raise you, this next scene.

Here we have a focus on Mike looking on to where everyone left, while the others beside him are presumably just processing what went down and taking a rest (and boy oh boy do they (El) need one).

Mike on the other-hand decides to take this moment of rest to display the most cliche and universal forms of distracted unrest known to man: he checks his watch.

Mike then stands up abruptly, causing El to fall without his shoulder there for her to rest on anymore, all while her and Dustin are looking on after him, sort of like... Okay?

It's small. It might seem insignificant. But if you actually pay attention to what this scene is trying to make you feel, after really looking at it for what it is, it's kind of sad.

In a moment that chooses to highlight the other boys' acknowledgment of El after what just happened, and not only that, but at the tale end of their final battle of the season, Mike is... distracted?

Mike, who has been presumably looking out for El more than the others in the party this whole time, is conveniently out of commission? And right now when El is looking for his reassurance the most? Mike doesn't even have a moment to say, 'Hey I'll be right back, I just want to check something. Can one of you?--', asking Lucas or Dustin to sit next to her in his place. No. Dude just stands up without even acknowledging her.

If it was any other moment in the show, under less post-traumatic circumstances for El, then I wouldn't even think much of it. But it's at this point in the story when El is essentially at her most exhausted and quite literally seeking out support from others, specifically Mike, that makes his distractedness so eery.

Again, you might still be thinking that this isn't that deep. However, I think based on the events leading up to this, and what follows right here, could quite literally hold the answer to the guilt Mike is still keeping to himself to this day.

So... How are we feeling?

Are we feeling like Mike None of you are thinking about El's wellbeing right now! She could get brain damage from using her powers too much! She's not a weapon!* Wheeler is a little bit of a hypocrite? (I told you that tool would come in handy!)

It's actually quite terrifying how similar this scene is framed to the scene in Hopper's cabin in s3, where Mike pretty much says the exact opposite. In s1 Mike goes from being one of the first people to refer to El as a weapon within the context of them using her powers to find Will, with him being completely un-attuned to the fact that she is exhausted in this moment while the others are saying El's rest and safety is the most important, to then in s3 completely flipping script and saying El was using her powers for nothing, blaming the others for treating her like a weapon and not taking her wellbeing into consideration.

It would be one thing if Mike had a little arc where he acknowledged this script flip. Because that's what it is. It is them having Mike use a word in s1 to describe El, that being weapon, only to say the others are treating her like that with that same word being used. It is them having Mike not agknowledge El's well being after overusing her powers, only to say the others aren't taking her wellbeing into consideration for overusing her powers.

And it would be one thing if Mike had spoke to El or literally anyone about how he felt like he wronged El for planning on sending her away the next day after they found her so that they could go back to looking for Will, or how he said she was a weapon that they needed in order to find Will, essentially being no better than the people she just escaped from, who also used her for her powers. But we don't get that (actually we do.. but it's not acknowledged for what it is aka survivor's guilt. It's instead seen as romantic... another tool for later...)

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think any of Mike's behavior takes away from what Mike did do for El, because yes he was kind and accepting when the others weren't. But even despite all of that, at the end of the day, he was often at the forefront of expecting El to risk her life for them, even if he wasn't outright asking that of her.

Before you freak out, No. I don't think Mike, a literal child, was capable of fathoming that El was going into these situations risking her life. She's a superhero. El's alternative was literally going back to the lab, running, or staying with Mike. This was her safest option.

After a bunch of rewatches and putting together a lot of these moments as a whole, I've come to a point where I believe that Mike's behavior throughout s1 was him thinking that because of who El was, she's already in danger at all times. That is a constant reality for her. And so why not have her help them find Will, because she is able to, all while he can also help her. And El clearly wanted to help them, because she wanted to help good people and finally do something meaningful with her powers for a change. Unfortunately, she also had to endure PTSD flashbacks almost every single time Mike and the boys had her use her powers to help find Will.

Speaking of Will, he is currently missing and possibly dead. Will also, in contrast to El (for now...), does not have any sort of superpowers.

Mike's concern over the threat of Will's livelihood is much greater than Mike's acknowledgement to the true risks El is exposing herself to each time she uses her powers to help them. That is s1 canon.

Is there times when Mike is focused on El and her well being. Absolutely! But is there also times when Mike is not showing any display of concern to El's well being in the moment, in complete contrast to the other characters around him... Also yes.

And so the events happening the way they did, with Mike himself not fully comprehending the severity of what's been going on during these high stake situations going on around him, makes sense.

And that's what makes it all the more sad that when Mike finally does realize what he's truly been asking of El this whole time, which is to risk her life for them, it's too late.

This whole scene is obviously very emotional. All of the boys are crying, but the focus on Mike calling out for El painfully is heartbreaking.

But what's even more sad to me, is that El has been sort of used to mistreatment her whole life. She's used to having to find any comfort she could get from people in her life, all the while they were using her for her powers. I mean even despite Brenner being who he was and doing what he did, she still showed these signs of wanting to love him despite it. Which is very very fucked up. But knowing what she's gone through, makes sense.

Mike on the other-hand does greatly contrast Brenner because he was one of the first people to actually treat her with genuine kindness right from the start (before he even knew she had powers), making it a lot easier for her to care for him even despite that pesky trait of using her for her powers being almost synonymous with Brenner's very similar trait.

So when she looks back at Mike, and points him out specifically before sacrificing herself, it feels like a few things at once.

It feels like her acknowledging the fact that she appreciated him specifically for taking her in and supporting her more genuinely than anyone has in her entire life.

And yet it also feels like her, either intentionally or unintentionally, acknowledging the unfortunate side affect caused by days of Mike leading the efforts to find Will, with the expectation of her to do things to achieve that, which could have all lead to her demise technically. And so now when it all comes down to it and the stakes are at their highest yet, same as the risk, she's got to a point where she believes there is no other choice but to do just that, risk her life, especially if it means saving them.

While this is happening, Mike is backtracking in real time. He is trying to get El to stop and it's because he doesn't want her to die. Obviously.

But that's the fucked up part isn't it? When he finally realized what he's been asking of her this whole time, it's too late.

Which takes us to S2 Mike Wheeler, known by many for being a boy whose been calling his true love everyday for almost a year now because he's just so in love, but is actually in fact a boy suffering the most intense form of survivors guilt, one that involves a person who genuinely feels responsible for the persons death...

But that will probably take at least another 2,000 words so I'm thinking maybe I better split this into multiple parts.

I will tease that the next part involves one specific detail in particular that I never see anyone talk about, a detail that I think, in combination with what's discussed in this post, is so important to understanding Mike's breakdown for what it truly was at the end of season 2. I will also probably do more posts beyond that for s3-4, to delve into the impacts these moments from the first two seasons have basically put in place a perfect recipe for what is currently going down.

So feel free to stay tuned for those nonsense updates.

Continued

[baldurs-writers-3]

Astarion: A Baldur's Gate 3 Fanfic Rec List

This week, we have Astarion Centric fics! Check under the cut for a whopping seventeen fics all about our favorite vampire spawn, and as always, give them a comment and kudos if you like them!

The stars began to burn by peregrinefeathers (87k, Mature) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion/Gale

An AU where instead of having an orb lodged in his chest Gale got stuck in a book. Then when a vampire spawn opened that book he got stuck in that vampire spawn's head. This is the best thing that has ever happened to Astarion; within 15 minutes he's running out of the Szarr palace into the sunlight. Then adventures begin!

Reccer says: a slow burn, like bloodweave is obvious endgame but it takes a while to get there, and Astarion is written /so/ well

Uncrossed Lines by Asidian (1209, Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion & Wyll, Astarion & Halsin, Astarion & Karlach

Friends don't let friends get hurt and/or pressured into doing things they don't want to do

Reccer says: Just an incredibly sweet depiction of people recognizing Astarion's boundaries and helping to enforce them, whether he's expecting them to or not. I love it

Hydnellum Peckii by OctolingO (4403, General) Warnings: talks of Astarion's past but no gruesome details Pairings: none

Astarion is doing a great job hiding what he is from the party, until they reach the Underdark and he has nothing to feed on.

Reccer says: this is so angsty! i loved Gale being too curious for his own good and trying to help and be supportive, and all of Astarion's fears of getting kicked out or killed, bc nobody could ever be in his corner, and having anyone in a position of power apologizing *to him* like that's so foreign - this gave me so many feels!

caught between the dark and the dreaming by Raayide (18925, Teen) Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Pairings: Astarion & Friends

Marcus wants answers, and no one is going to give them to him, unless he forces them to. Astarion is the unlucky target forced to drink a truth serum.

Reccer says: Absolutely delicious whump and found family comfort afterwards

of death potential and death absolute by Raayide (39119, Teen) Warnings: Derealization Pairings: Astarion & Gale, pre-relationship

Astarion is never quite sure, until the moment Cazador lies dead before him, whether this entire adventure is anything more than an extremely vivid hallucination.

Reccer says: this story takes Astarion and twists him up into a little heartbreaking ball of a premise that makes him think everything is just a dream, and how desperate he is to stay in the dream rather than waking up. it retells most of the game with a tight focus and some lovely lovely characters scenes, everyone gets a moment in the spotlight!

Those left behind by Gally (73949, Mature) Warnings: None Pairings: Past Astarion/Karlach

What's Astarion to do after the Absolute is destroyed and the love of his life is now dead?

Reccer says: Lots of funny. Lots of sad. Lots of excellent characterization and slow but steady healing

All it Cost Me by HydieMurderBabe (38529, Explicit) Warnings: Ite explicit, very raunchy and Durge elements of rougher kinds Pairings: Durge X Astarion

Two traumatized nubbins heal from their pasts. Lots of sex and violence ensues.

Reccer says: Its funny, its raunchy, its detailed and most of all I feel like Im invested in the pairing

Collision Course by VakarianSyndrome (123444, Explicit) Warnings: No warnings. Tropes: Modern Girl in Baldur's Gate, found family Pairings: Astarion/F!OC

Set in Baldur’s Gate, this series follows Adelaide, a human woman from Earth, and her somewhat clumsy attempts at navigating this new and fantastical realm. In the process, she falls for Astarion, the pale elf, vampire spawn with level 100 rizz.

Reccer says: It starts out really funny, but then gradually gets serious where needed. The buildup between Astarion and the OC is spicy and sweet, and the smut delivers! And it's completed!

No Good End in View by not_whelmed_yet (60,797, ongoing, Mature) Warnings: Character death (temporary), torture Pairings: Astarion/Wyll/Karlach

Astarion doesn't get time to be terrified of the party, because Wyll cuts off what he sees as a feral vampire spawn's head long before he can try to seduce them. The only problem is that this doesn't kill him. And it continues to not kill him.

Reccer says: this is an achingly beautiful exploration of a team that gets off not so much on the wrong foot but on a freefall - each doing horrible things to each other in ways that all read perfectly understandable from their point of views, but have wretched lasting consequences. the author writes them so in character that I want to throttle them and fall in love all over again

What Could Have Been by Bella1433 (70000, Explicit) Warnings: There is mention of past sexual trauma, its Explicit, and goes into dark territory but not dead dove. Pairings: Named Tav X Astarion

Astarion's transformation into a vampire lord and Sima's fight to reclaim their lost love thrust them into a perilous dance of power, obsession, and redemption.

Reccer says: Its dark, rich, has a different tone and some of the most immersive writing I've read

the ghost of elturel by Raayide (4452, General) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion and Zevlor

Astarion and Zevlor meet, talk, hate each other, and hate themselves. There is nothing particularly of note about any of it.

Reccer says: Recognition of self in the other tied with some amazing introspection and metaphor

Circus of the dead by Ineadhyn (5995, Explicit) Warnings: Rape/Non-con, graphic violence, self-harm Pairings:

A dark horror circus AU with Astarion, Cazador, and his other spawns.

Reccer says: This is so beautiful, tragic, gripping, and I'm utterly obsessed with everything about it.

No Good Deeds by Garnett Gibson (39715, Explicit) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion/Tav

A young woman trying to be a good person gets corrupted by Astarion as they navigate the tadpole issue.

Reccer says: Delicious slow burn and creative deviations from canon.

The Lord and his new ways by FartasticDurge (26459, Explicit) Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Coercion, Manipulation, Abusive Relationships, Dissociation Pairings: Astarion/Tav

Ascended Astarion and Spawn Tav's post-game turbulent relationship from Tav's POV.

Reccer says: She struggles between doing what she thinks is right and obeying him, and seeing her process is interesting. In the latest chapter, they go to therapy, a unique twist for Ascended Astarion.

In Time by FartasticDurge (16927, Explicit) Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Pairings: Astarion/Tav, Astarion & Gale

Post-canon fic where Astarion is looking for a Tav who died and reincarnated into another person. Gale helps him find her, but things take an unexpected turn when they find her.

Reccer says: Astarion POV, a lot of D&D lore, the friendship between Gale and Astarion is interesting and supportive. Tav and Astarion's roles are reversed; he is being nice and she is suspicious of him, which is a nice twist with funny moments.

How Far You've Come by Garnett Gibson (5481, Explicit) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion/Tav

Astarion's obedient consort has come a long way, but sometimes she still steps out of line.

Reccer says: I liked it!

If Only For One Night by Terrormisu (682, Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion/Tav

With their party always busy, Astarion finds himself longing for his little love.

Reccer says: It's a short sweet one shot that made me feel all warm and squishy inside. Hehe. But even the implied intimacy was steamy.

The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ!

Next week, we’ll be back with another character rec list, this time focusing on Family!

[sarabethsilver]

I just want to say that I love your posts about the whole Luke/Jess dynamic!! In my opinion, you are spot on everything.👏

Because yes, Luke was a good father to April and a good father figure to Rory but that doesn't mean that he was that to Jess too…in fact I will say that most of the time he was a complete jerk to Jess by often yelling and being angry at him (there are very few episodes where Luke speaks with a normal tone to him), treating him like a criminal, never showing him any love and comfort, being occasionally physical abusive to him, stealing his car, kicking him out when he actually needed him the most and caring more about him (not) graduating than his feelings about meeting his father, sending him back to NY knowing that Liz “is a wack job”, not caring that “he travelled” aka was homeless for months and had to sleep in a car-and he cared more about Rory than about his nephew in that situation, not listening to him the few times he actually is open to speak about how he feels. On top of that, ignoring that, HE kicked Jess out.

And then blaming, yelling, and insulting him because he didn't want to go to his abuser’s fourth wedding.

Like, I’m not saying that Luke didn't love Jess, because yes, he did, but he wasn't good at showing it. And I understand that he also had traumatic experiences, and didn’t know how to handle a teenager, but in the end, he was just one more adult that rejected Jess. That’s why I don’t understand when people say: “Luke was the only one that was always there for Jess” or “Jess has to be thankful for Luke” like NO just because he let him live in an apartment where he had zero privacy doesn't mean that “he was always there for him,“ especially when he remembered Jess that he can only live there if he graduates. Even without the Walmart job, there is no guarantee that a traumatized teenager will graduate. I really hate how the writers want us to believe that Luke was such a hero here. And yes, I like that “hug scene,“ but Jess deserved and needed that hug so much sooner, and he never got it.

With that being said, I still enjoy their dynamic when I need a good laugh, seeing them both ranting, annoyed with people, being sarcastic. There are many good moments, and when I remember that these are all fictional characters😅 but if we are overanalyzing everything, I have to say that the older I get, the more I struggle with the character of Luke in his behavior towards Jess. 

Thank you! I appreciate this feedback, since I'm always trying (and failing) to tread lightly when I critically examine their relationship. Luke is beloved here, and I get it! I love him too! I enjoy Luke and Jess' relationship on a superficial level. I laugh at their funny moments, and my heart swells at their tender moments. But as soon as I look a little deeper, their relationship looks pretty fractured to me.

I get it, Luke was thrust into an impossible scenario when Jess showed up. I don't fault him for making mistakes along the way. But forget the complexities of "how do you build trust with a teenager who has never been able to trust adults"... Luke never even gets there. What about the basics? Jess needed kindness, safety, and stability. And he just doesn't get that from Luke. Constantly yelling, pushing Jess around, repeatedly mocking, threatening eviction, and then actually kicking Jess out isn't kind, safe, or secure. And those behaviors aren't the outliers - that's Luke's baseline behavior toward Jess. The moments of kindness are the rarities, and those moments are often surrounded with mocking or rejection.

S4 is, by far, the worst. Because at that point, Jess is no longer living with Luke. He's not disrupting Luke's daily life. He's not asking Luke for ANYTHING. But for some reason, Luke goes out of his way to be unkind to Jess... and for what? What's the moral of that story? Because it's CERTAINLY not to have us examine Luke's mistakes with Jess, the writers never go there. Am I meant to believe that Jess needed abandonment, heaps of anger, and continual mocking to... grow, or something? And this is the season I'm supposed to melt at the "reconciliation" between Luke and Jess?

Maybe we're both overanalyzing! Because, like I said, I enjoy their relationship at a superficial level. But also... Luke and Jess are not superficial characters. We see painful, vulnerable moments between them. Jess' arc is serious and evocative, and he's treated like an important character even when he returns as a guest star. So I can't just look at Jess and Luke's relationship on a superficial level. The writers wanted me to see Luke as the "hero" who saved Jess, and they gave me all these moments to supposedly demonstrate that, so I'm sure as hell gonna examine those moments!

EDITED because I'll add that I don't ever view Luke as abusive to Jess. And I think they DO have moments of kindness and comforting. Those are real, and that's what the audience is responding to when we fall in love with them. But imo the moments of kindness are few and far between, and they are not enough to balance out the baseline of irritability Luke puts out there.

[yannaryartside]

The core of why I don't like ClairexCarmen

After s3. Fixer x the broken

Even if Sydney didn't exist as a character, I still don't like that couple, even after all the scenes in s3.

Here is the thing: the scenes were sweet, very sweet. They did a good job on showing me these two had feelings for each other. That scene when Carmy blows a kiss to her as he drops her at work? Very sweet, it got to me. That being said, they failed at some things that I wanted resolve.

The failed to give Claire any deep as a character beside her role as a healer. Even the scenes of their conversations were mostly centered around her stories of hurt people. If anything, these two seasons you showed me how obsessed (and I mean it) she is with broken people. The stories, the sad drunk people, she seems to gravitate around people in need by choice. And that pissed me off to no end.

You showed me a broken character in love with someone obsessed with people in their most broken state. She brought that to her personal life because she chased a man she knew was not emotionally ready for a relationship; he warned you, girl, and you chased it. At this point, I wonder how much Carmy's attraction to Claire relates to that.

In the flashback of the girl that felt over the glass, after that really unsettling story, they kiss, like wtf, what about that dialogue was romantic. It seemed like the sole role of Carmy and Claire in each others lives is to provide contort, not even understanding or growth. It was so strange.

It also makes me wonder if Claire wanted a boyfriend who was kinda of a patient himself, which is not a good undertone. She always provides comfort, and it seemed like Carmy wished to support her struggles, which was good but not quite enough. He seemed more like an expectator than anything, like he admires for her work and that's it, he didn't actually comforted her. From what the show has shown me, I have no way of imagining this relationship as any other thing than a broken person and a healer, not two individuals on equal feet. You made that the base of the relationship.

They could get better obviously, as Carmy mental state gets better, he may be able to provide more for her, but as she is still just as basic as she is, idk what that could be besides be more reliable emotionally. They didn't show them having common interests and goals. You are left wondering if they are in love with each other's personas. If they are in love with the healer woman an the broken men.

This relationship, if successful, will always have those undertones. Not to mention, you don't know how she will react to the worst of Carmen if she ever sees it. What he said about their relasionship is not his worst by far. We saw that this season.

Also, despite all this healing talk, it baffles me that she never suggested that he seek professional help. She has been with him during panic attacks and has seen some of the most traumatic moments of his life (Donna's car crash). If you wanted a “these person is good at healing so she is good for you” they failed at that too.

So again, what is the point of all this? Some blogs I like have speculated this is an allegory for addiction as well, and so far, that makes the most sense; feelings may not be enough.

[taddymason]

You know, it's really wonderful for me when I find fanfics that make my favorite characters go through the greatest psychological terror and witness and be the victims of the worst traumas that a Writer could invent.

All this because I myself am too "nice" to write something like that, I really don't have the courage to make them go through hell, so yes, most of the stories I write are cute and domestic things with love and tranquility, I like to write calm atmospheres but as a reader I'm almost the opposite, I still like to read about the characters having a peacefully life and all... But I also love the traumas they could have experienced if the script were to take a different route than the original. So yeah, thank you so much for putting one of my favorite characters through one of the worst trauma scenarios anyone could go through. It is truly peaceful to see them going through all these losses, whether of memory, limbs, lucidity, sanity... All to finally see them have the peace of finally being with their loved ones living a relatively peaceful life after all this.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not a monster. I cry while reading the scenes. All of them, especially when I remember that about five chapters ago they had the happiest moment of their life. But I know that in the end they will have the happy life they always dreamed of.

I hope so at least... Please never recommend me a sad story that ends even worse, I am SENSITIVE.

Anyway, I made this huge text just to say that I really love Dad Jay AU and I can't wait for the next chapters and arts. I miss Kaida and Jay's interaction and I would really like to see them both being silly and true chaotic troublemakers in the Tournament. I really want to kill Ras and Cinder now, I expected to see the Flea Cat but I was hoping that Smoky would never show up again, but you've dashed my hope. My only consolation now is to imagine Cinder's face/head as a car hood, super threatened and more beaten than a milkshake.

AAAA thanks!! ^^ I'm glad you like my fic. I myself suffered writing some scenes (like the end of chapter 16 was VERY difficult to write and even I thought it was too much) I reread previous fics like Spirits in the Sky and think, wow, they were so happy and silly and now they're so traumatized.

Suffice to say that I briefly considered following canon and not having Kaida end up in the nether space because I want these two to finally be able to rest. I swear the original plan wasn't for them to suffer so much but here we are. I promise Jay and Kaida that they will have the happy ending they deserve with a big family and a relatively peaceful life (relatively because- ninjas, yk). I wouldn't be able to give them a sad ending after all the shit they've been through, trust me.

And believe me when I say that I really really miss writing them together, I've gone ahead and written the fluff and comfort of the last chapters for that reason xd. I'm always happy when I get a comment about how Kaida would have acted in the tournament (my favorite is that she would have made fun of Jay when Frak said he looked badass with an eye patch) or that they would have liked her to participate and win, so I know that everyone will like the eventual reunion :)

Btw, keep that image of Cinder, because there's an imaginary counter above his head as we speak...

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Katara comforts Aang when he found gyasto dead and lost appa =momtara /emotional labor aang is obviously an abuser

Mai not comforting Zuko in awakening in a way that makes him happy =abusive girlfriend she should have comforted zuko better, because she can totally get rid of his guilt over iroh and katara could do it better.. despite us its toxic how she has she to comfort aang

Zutaras: having logic and not having double standards , not possible

And don't forget:

Katara always speaking her mind even when people think she's wrong/obnoxious/stupid for it, going against Pakku for saying what she can or cannot be, and not letting Zuko get away with being a dick to her or others: Girlboss! Feminist icon! Deserved so much better than the (perfectly happy) ending she got in canon!

Mai always speaking her mind even people think she's wrong/obnoxious/stupid for it, resenting her parents and Azula for saying what she can or cannot be, and not letting Zuko get away with being a dick to her or others: What a selfish, petty, self-centered, ignorant, cold-hearted, sociopathic bitch! Can't believe the show let her get away with this shit!

Katara showing compassion and empathy for Zuko and offering to heal his scar even after he spent months chasing her and her friends around the world, with the explicit intention of capturing one of said friends and keep him hostage forever/kill him, and to help his nation continue to oppress the rest of the world: Such a kind, wise character! Such a lovely, meaningful moment!

Mai saving Zuko's life even after he broke up with her through a letter because he was one of the few people that liked her for who she was/would not abuse his power over her like Azula does: God, what a pathetic loser that throws her whole life away for a guy.

Kataang and Maiko PDA: Obnoxious, forced and stupid.

Zuko tying Katara to a tree/Katara touching Zuko's scar with the explicit intention of healing it, nothing more than that: such a hot/tender, intimate moments that show how much chemistry these two characters have!

Zuko getting violent and snapping at Mai because some guy she did not even pay attention to seemed to be into her, then trying to make a move on her after she literally shouted "LEAVE ME ALONE!": How dare MAI be such a bad girlfriend! Zuko deserves better!

Aang kissing Katara after she said she isn't sure how she feels, immediately regreting it: What an entitled, abusive creep!

Zuko nearly dying to save Katara's life: The most romantic thing in the world!

Aang giving up absolute power because he had a vision of Katara being captured: Why is he so OBSESSED? This is not romantic!

Zuko choosing to support his imperialist, racist nation that he just heard deeply traumatized Katara by killing her mother: He is madly in love with Katara and fiercely protective of her. Sourse "trust me, bro."

Aang temporarely letting go of Katara because if he doesn't they're all gonna die: See? He doesn't actually care about her! It's all there in the canon!

Katara healing Zuko, saving his life, and him being very grateful to her for it: How beautiful! Best scene of the entire show!

Katara healing Aang, bringing him back from the dead, and him being very greateful to her for it: She's not your personal doctor, you asshole! What an abusive, unequal dynamic!

Zuko not seeming to remember Katara's existence outside of "girl that travels with the Avatar" for 5/6 of the show: Totally doesn't mean he is not in love with her! Why do people call this ship fanon?

Zuko breaking up with Mai because he'll be going on a dangerous mission he felt would not be fair to drag her into, and smiling like a dork just because he got a chance to talk about her: He CLEARLY doesn't love her! Why does anyone like them as a couple?

Zuko needing emotional support very frequently because he is a victim of verbal, psychological and physical abuse: Poor thing! He deserves someone who loves and understands him!

Aang needing emotional support very frequently because nearly everyone he knew and loved died suddenly, he is struggling with survivor's guilt, and now shoulders the burden of needing to save the whole world despite being just a kid: God, what a baby, grow up!

Zuko being an imperialist prince for most of his life and betraying Katara in Ba Sing Se, leading to the death of one of her friends: He is a completely innocent child that indoctrinated into thinking these things were fine! The adults are to blame! Katara really can't hold any of this against him!

Sozin choosing to kill every air-nomad and start a war, and Azulon then choosing to order the raids on the Southern Water Tribes: Does this mean Kya's death was Aang's fault? It think it does. If only this 12-year-old that was not even a fully powered Avatar yet had not freaked out after nearly everyone around him disregarded his wants and needs completely! Such a selfish, awful character that never faces any consequences for anything! How could Katara ever be friends with him, let alone date him?

[azrielgreen]

hi lovely! i just wanted to take a moment to tell you that prism (as well as the rest of your work of course) means SO much to me. i am so thankful that you and brooke brought this story to life and that you’re going to be continuing it. it is, in some weird way, my comfort series.

as a survivor of some (at least similar) situations that are included in prism, the way you explore these traumatic situations truly does justice to the themes in my eyes. obviously i don’t speak for all survivors, probably not even most, but i honestly think that you have handled the darker side of humanity in such an awe-inspiring way. you inspire me to write in general, but especially about these darker themes.

i fear that i wouldn’t be able to do justice to these themes and scenarios as you do. i know a lot of criticism of these kinds of stories is that they seem to “glorify” some of these heinous actions, and that’s an extremely difficult path to navigate. i have these strong urges to write about topics that i’ve experienced in my life, but i struggle to get the words written while being so focused on doing it respectfully and tastefully.

obviously you don’t have to share anything you don’t want to, but is there something that helps you to write about these topics while still making survivors feel seen and respected? or anything you try to focus on in order to not be so completely zeroed in on doing these themes, topics, and scenarios - not to mention the survivors of them - justice?

Well firstly thank you SO so much!! To inspire anyone to write is an absolutely beautiful thing and it always makes me so happy! This is a wonderfully generous and very kind message.

I think writing about such brutal, traumatic and flat out dark topics can be an extremely fine line to walk especially in terms of not wanting to be seen "glorifying" anything. With Prism, we said from the start we intended to post a Warning Wall and be as in depth as humanly possible with the content warnings. This actually gave us both a fair amount of confidence to write and post without worrying every step of the way about bad faith interpretations. Because the story is SO heavily warned (probably over-warned) we felt we had done our part in giving people the information required for them to make their own choice about reading it. This was really important to us both.

But to answer your question more specifically, and speaking only for myself here, I think when it comes to writing traumatic themes and exploring them I really do follow my feelings. The first draft I write completely in my feelings and nothing else. It's always very raw, often painful and a total mess. In edits, I sharpen it up technically but I always stay true to the core feeling that drove the scene and never deviate or allow fear of criticism/bad faith interpretations to sway me into middling the intensity or god forbid, pussying out and adding a PG-13 layer of moral bias, I.e "Eddie knows it's wrong, but..."

If I'm writing a morally grey (let's be honest jet black) character, there's no point spending half my time pleading with people to see the shades of white. Go all in, commit and follow your feelings, always.

I do however have a critical process for checking all sides of complex scenes, especially rape scenes. I will always write it in the feelings, but I'll read and reread it many times, examining it from many angles, seeking out my own bias. It's very tricky and I probably can't explain it fully, I'd need to use a scene as an example to demonstrate, but suffice to say I analyse traumatic scenes from many angles and really do always try my best.

I do think detailed warnings are an excellent confidence boost for anyone writing a dark story, as is the disclaimer "Depiction is never endorsement". I've seen a lot of younger/newer writers fall over themselves to try and reassure readers of this but they end up doing so IN the narrative/story. You should always write whatever you want and let it speak to those who care to hear it.

Other elements that contribute include letting the story go long, exploring multifaceted elements, facing the "mess" head on rather than fading to black and not being afraid to add details. It's often the details that really give gravity and grounding to a traumatic experience. My own tendency to anthropomorphise as a coping mechanism is something I use a lot in trauma exploration of characters. When we see tiny shards of ourselves reflected in fictional characters, our empathy is triggered, and it is empathy that gives way to good faith readings of extremely difficult subject matter, so I believe. This is very much how we wrote Steve and the abuse he suffers. One thing I've noticed that so many people comment on is the time Little Steve braided the candy bar wrapper to hide it from his Mother. This being an experience of my own, I thought it was fairly niche and likely to go unnoticed but so many people seem to have empathic resonance with it and just that one small detail gives depth, meaning and effortless backstory. I've always found that to be so incredible, how much the little things matter to readers. But of course that's part of why we all love fanfic so much, i think.

Anyway, sorry to have rambled on! Your ask really means a lot to me. Thank you so much again.

~Az

🌈✨️🖤

[hello-nichya-here]

Do you think Light had any deep regrets, seeing what happened to his sister after the hostage situation?

Let's take a look at his actions.

He spends considerable time mentally debating killing his sister himself to avoid letting Mello get ahold of a Death Note. He doesn't go through with it, but after it he never talks about her, doesn't help their mother take care of her, and even after Mello dies there's never so much as a single throwaway line of him thinking "Serves him right for what he did to her!"

Even in the anime scene of him thinking back on what life was like before the Death Note, he only sees himself, the super smart student with a briliant future ahead. When he's seconds away from dying, he imagines L before him. His sister, and his entire family really, not being a factor in his mind at all.

Light is not completely devoid of human emotions (compassion and love very much included) and he does have some understanding of typical, current social morals - but to him, they only go so far.

He stopped himself for a second before first using the Death Note, before even knowing it truly worked, because "does that make me a murderer?" and in the manga he spends sometime without eating or sleeping because of the guilt. But he still uses it again and again, not just for his warped idea of "justice", but to do tests on inmates that, by definition, do NOT fit his his criteria of "people that evaded justice", and even just to prove, on live TV, that he could. He also made sure to hide the Death Note well because he knew that, if someone else found it, he might have to kill his own family.

He loved his father and had a genuine emotional breakdown when he died. He still tried to use his death to mask the fact that he was Kira, and even tried to get him to kill Mello. And in the finale he reveals that he is going to kill the entire task force - all of which worked with his father, were close to him for years, and watched his children grow up.

He loved L, or at least their strange mix of friendship and intelectual death match, was visibly shaken when L called him his first friend, notes with bitterness and downright sadness that L was right, things were boring and lonely now that they had split up, and is OFFENDED when Near, someone he sees as inferior, is wearing a mask of him. Didn't stop him from constantly trying to murder the guy, cruely smirking down at him during the moment of his death just to twist the knife further, gloating after it, stealing his "identity" as a final disrespect, and then trying to kill his heirs.

And yes, he loved his sister and couldn't bring himself to kill her - but that's the most she'll get out of this relationship. Not dying. Not by his hand, at least. No visits at the hospital, no comfort after a traumatic experience, not even a quiet moment of Light thinking to himself "None of this would have happened to her if I had never used the Death Note or gave it back to Ryuk."

Light has moments in which he cares about others. But the one person he consistently cares about is himself. The "glimpses of humanity" matters and give his character depth, but they don't chance the very consistent pattern that remained the same until his last breath.

[iheartpeppino]

More Pizza My Heart character profiles for you guys. Here are Peppino, Melissa, and Pizzahead, in that order:

Giuseppe “Peppino” Spaghetti II:

Our main protagonist, Peppino meets his biggest fan in the form of Melissa Monotoli and falls in love with her. However, his relationship with her has notable hindrances: namely, Melissa's disapproving father, Giovanni Monotoli, and Pizzahead, who is seemingly competing for her affections.

Peppino is currently in his early 50's, about 13 years older than Melissa and Pizzahead, who are the same age. Peppino is very romantic and flirty towards Melissa, rarely getting angry or upset with her and greatly enjoying every moment of her company. Melissa, in return, is very loving and sweet to Peppino, even if she's not the most confident person there is. As a self-described “love freak”, Melissa is just as much of a romantic as Peppino, if not more so. The two of them dream of getting married someday.

Peppino is unaware that Pizzahead is in love with him too, but those insults he likes hurling at Peppino sound an awful lot like flirting… Peppino is very confused by the mixed messages Pizzahead is sending, but mostly he's frustrated and DONE with his bullshit, and he sincerely wishes he'd stop flirting with Melissa. (“She's MY girlfriend, you pizza shit!”)

Peppino shares a name with his father, and inherited Peppino Pizza – and all his pizza-making skills – from him. Peppino is also a war veteran, having been drafted when he was 25. While serving, a surprise attack from the enemy got every member of Peppino's platoon killed. Peppino, who had yet to discover he was immortal, was the only survivor. The experience deeply traumatized him and left him with survivor's guilt. To this day, thunder, fireworks, and other similarly loud noises trigger his PTSD. He also can't stand anything that reminds him of death.

Before he was drafted, Peppino also had a brief history with Totino the Pizza Boy. Peppino, who is an astonishingly good actor, played the role of Pizza Boy's arch-nemesis, the Chef Raider, for a video game based on the Pizza Boy franchise called “Pizza Boy Tower”. Totino and Peppino had filmed a lot of scenes together for the game, and they had a lot of fun doing it. (It was especially fun for Peppino because he felt like a wrestler playing a heel character.) Totino was only a child back then, so at the time, Peppino viewed him like an adorable kid brother. Now that Pizzahead is grown up and evil, however, Peppino is sickened by how much he's changed for the worse, and wishes he'd never met him at all.

Melissa Elizabeth Monotoli:

The love interest of our story, Melissa works as a glorified security guard looking after her rich parents' old mansion and all the treasures inside it. Melissa is autistic, has ADHD, and PTSD from her childhood… all ingredients that make her a very anxious wreck who can't hold down a normal job, hence why she works for her parents. Although Melissa lives a very fortunate and comfortable life, her anxiety won't let her enjoy it.

Melissa finds out about Peppino from watching Pizzahead's Pizza Tower broadcast, falling in love with his feats of strength, speed, and bravery. A year later, she finally works up the courage to meet Peppino in person, and there are sparks between them. However, it's not long before her old childhood friend, Pizzahead, worms his way back into her life after 31 years, causing trouble for her and Peppino.

Melissa was friends with Totino the Pizza Boy when she was a child, and now that he's grown up into Pizzahead, she has decidedly mixed feelings. On one hand, she's furious with him for what he did to Peppino, finding his actions unforgivable. (She's even more furious when she finds out what he did to Fake Peppino.) On the other hand, she genuinely misses his friendship, plus she finds him very attractive, but she stubbornly refuses to admit to either of these things because of Peppino.

Melissa is genderfluid, initially appearing in very feminine pink clothes and putting on a cute, high-pitched voice. It's when she puts on her favorite navy blue suit and hat – a gift from her father – that she feels compelled to deepen her voice and act way more confident, cocky, and masculine than normal. Peppino is a bit confused by this at first, but he comes to appreciate this other side to Melissa and even embrace it, going so far as to call her his boyfriend when she's wearing her suit.

Melissa loves Peppino with all her heart, and wants nothing more than to make him feel safe and happy… even if she sometimes feels like she doesn't deserve him.

Totino T. Pizzahead:

Our antagonist, this zany guy used to be friends with Melissa Monotoli when they were both children, as Melissa's father used to be the biggest investor in his old restaurant. However, a traumatic incident during Melissa's eighth birthday party resulted in her fleeing Pizza Boy's Pizz-Pizza in fear, never to see Totino again for another 31 years, as the sight and smell of pizza became a PTSD trigger for her. (She got better, but it took a while.)

Having a colorful past with both Melissa and Peppino, Pizzahead has been spying on both of them for many years, becoming increasingly obsessed with them, falling in love with them, and now plotting to become their third partner through any means available to him. Unfortunately, Pizzahead refuses to let Peppino know how he really feels about him, while he's completely open about his love for Melissa. He pretends to be rivals with Peppino for Melissa's affections, when in reality he just wants both of them. Why does he do this? “To keep things spicy,” apparently.

Pizzahead was originally brought to life by the legendary Pizzamancer, as a commission from the three former CEOs of Pizza Boy's Pizz-Pizza: Celeste DiGiorno (a.k.a. “Mama”), Mike Wilde, and Sam Stouffer. Before they met an unfortunate demise, they raised young Totino the Pizza Boy as their child, training him to become the perfect corporate children's mascot and TV star. They were even more evil than Pizzahead, and were the primary reason he turned out the way he did. Also, because Celeste, Mike and Sam were in a polycule, they're also the reason Pizzahead realized he was polyamorous and pansexual.

Pizzahead, being a living cartoon pizza man, is essentially immortal, just like Peppino. Unlike Peppino, however, he doesn't process pain in quite the same way, and is immune to most of it. Finding out he couldn't die contributed to Pizzahead's descent into madness and evil, giving him an overabundance of confidence that led him to do unspeakable, irresponsible, or just plain stupid things that further led to chaos. These days, it's often up to Pizzahead's more responsible brother, Pizzabro, to clean up Pizzahead's messes.

[autistic-ghost]

Something that I would eventually like to explore in writing is the both Vaggie and Emily - particularly in a poly relationship and especially if Charlie's the hinge rather than them being a triad- because it looks like the show is establishing Emily as Vaggie's narrative foil .

It would be so fun to play with, especially the dynamic if vaggie is normally like very chill with Charlie's other partners but Emily makes vaggie extremely insecure because she is everything Vaggie desperately wishes she could be, taking an extremely proactive role in the winner's afterlives and advocating for them and- after the little extermination reveal - advocating for better treatment of the sinners, and maybe this insecurity that Vaggie isn't doing enough is multiplied by the fact that Charlie and Emily are in a long distance relationship at the start of the story so vaggie doesn't actually know Emily personally - she gets snippets of her character retold to her through Charlie's love-sick gushing, so the version of Emily that Vaggie knows is, quite literally, perfect.

And then maybe she falls because she's just a bit too loud about the sinners, cares too much, too radical, not unlike a certain duck-loving Morningstar we all know and love, and vaggie is left in a predicament. Charlie's girlfriend has fallen which has massive political implications, possibly removing her from the hotel for large periods of time so vaggie is left to try peice Emily back together after the most traumatic moment on her life and Emily trusts nobody - how could she?

Sooo yeah that's the current plot, I'll have to look up the ship to make sure no one has done anything too similar and make sure I'm not coping anyone by mistake cuz unlike growing pains which is pretty much just crack taken seriously this might be a concept that has already been done, possibly multiple times. Could be taken to an extremely angsty direction where vaggie breaks up or nearly breaks up with Charlie cuz of her own issues, maybe even issues that she kept so hidden that Charlie didn't even realise that Vaggie was hurting. In terms of perspective, Charlie's limited 3rd person would be really interesting to play with because both Charlie and the reader are slowly learning about what's going on with vaggie, but it would then lack a lot of impact of vaggie and Emily slowly getting to know each other and both of their character s arcs cuz Charlie would be out of the hotel and stuff, so it would probably be vaggie s limited 3rd person. I know I can show other perspectives but showing two characters perspective's makes it hard to keep that element of unreliable narrator so I tend to avoid writing it even though I've seen it done extremely well (maybe that's a reason I should attempt it but oh well) in terms of tone and angst it'll definitely be one of those that gets worse before it gets better, I have an idea for a scene where vaggie locks herself in her room and Charlie sits with her back against the door while Vaggie completely breaks down, and eventually Vaggie opens the door possibly hours later and a sleeping Charlie falls back onto the carpet and there's a cold mug of coffee next to her- I might even go full on hurt/no comfort style tragedy, but I'm not sure if I can pull it off and have it actually be cathartic (think Hamlet)

[mikuni14]

The Sign - Ep 12

If you are a fan of The Sign and enjoyed the last episode, please do not read any further. Believe it or not, I don't want my negative opinion to affect your good mood 🤗

Okay, so I hated the finale 😆 The series ended exactly as I feared it would. With what was also the worst thing about the Last Twilight finale and why I hated CharlieBabe's relationship: namely, when one person call the shots in the relationship, makes all the decisions on their own, including the most drastic ones, and lies to the other a person "for their own good", and the series shows this as something positive and romantic. I hate these tropes, i.e. forced separations, fake deaths, making decisions for two without talking about it, and noble sacrifice without informing the other person about it. I hate showing it in a romantic light as the ultimate proof of love because it IS NOT proof of love. This only proves that 1) you don't trust the other person, 2) you don't believe that he or she is a rightful member of your relationship 3) you don't believe that you can talk to this person, that this person will help you, advise you, support you 4) you subconsciously question their intellectual and emotional abilities 5) you think that this person needs to be babied and you are the only adult in this relationship 6) this person does not deserve to make a decision in their OWN CASE, their OWN LIFE. Tharn decided to "save" Phaya and grandma by leaving with Chalathorn, he made the decision thinking what was best for them, but never considering IF THEY WANTED IT. The sight of grandma fainting, and later clutching her heart and losing strength as Phaya cries in the hospital scene, the sight of Phaya's utter despair as he is unable to function normally, go to work, live, who spends every waking moment looking for Tharn - yes, THIS is it the "life" that Tharn had so nobly sacrificed for. THARN NEVER EVEN THOUGHT TO ASK PHAYA AND GRANDMA IF THAT'S WHAT THEY WANTED. HE MADE THE DECISION FOR THEM, LIED TO THEM UNTIL THE LAST MOMENT AND LEFT THEM ALONE TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES.

What I ABSOLUTELY HATE is that Tharn has NEVER even wavered in his decision, even though Phaya MANY TIMES, including on their last night, tells him, begs him not to leave him and to trust him, that Phaya will always be by his side. And I also ABSOLUTELY HATE the fact that when Tharn returns, Phaya tries to explain to him how hard it was for him, what a traumatic experience it was for him, and Tharn doesn't even let him finish. How can I support such an unequal relationship? How could I trust Tharn if I were Phaya? Our Dating Sim showed how such separations affect people's mental health. However, Lee Wan realizes this and when Shin Ki Tae breaks down, he lets him talk about his fear and then comforts him. And he doesn't shut him up.

I admit I lost it when Tharn said to Phaya and Doc "Please stop killing each other" lmao what? Are you equating your boyfriend who had to fight for his life and the guy who tries to kill him in every incarnation, including when he is still a child? What about this sick symmetry? 😆 Of course, nothing compares to the fact that Tharn stayed with Chalathorn for a whole year because he felt sorry for him, while his grandmother (the heart-clutching one, you know which one) may have had a heart attack, and both she and Phaya are in agony and losing their health ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I loved Tharn, he was my favorite character in The Sign. And in the end he became the worst.

What was really funny was that in the end, NOTHING depended on Tharn and Phaya, it was Chalathorn - a murderer, manipulator and kidnapper - who made them happy 😄 And finally, they even thanked him and Phaya promised him to take care of Tharn, as if the doctor were the father of the lovely girl, who was being given away for marriage. Just kill me now 👌 Their love turned out to be completely pointless, because everything was decided by CHALATHORN, and everything related to their relationship took place offscreen and was actually a result of coincidence. Chalathorn even gave life to Tharn, gave him his soul. Thus proving that Phaya was useless to Tharn. Amazing 👌 Their love is based on fear, death, and separations and making the same mistakes, instead of taking action together, trust, faithfulness to each other, and mutual support. In their relationship, only Phaya makes an effort, I stopped feeling Tharn's love a long time ago. Tharn has always just surrendered to what is BAD happening around him (because Tharn/Wansa always surrenders to Chalathorn, not relies on Phaya/Garuda). The worst thing is that Tharn from the beginning of the series WAS NOT LIKE THAT 😤

THE POINT OF THIS SERIES WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THAT THIS TIME PHAYA AND TAHRN WOULD OVERCOME KARMA TOGETHER. They were to break this cycle with precise instructions from the abbot. Not only did they not overcome it, but they repeated it exactly to the letter. This raises the question: what was the point of all this, if Phaya and Tharn repeated the cycle of love, despair and death and got out of it thanks to someone else's decision? Is this a series then… about Chalathorn? 😂 HOW CAN I SUPPORT THIS RELATIONSHIP AND BELIEVE IN THIS LOVE WHEN ULTIMATELY NOTHING DEPENDED ON THEM AND THEY DID NOTHING TO SAVE THEMSELVES AND SAVE THIS LOVE. Oh, by "they" I meant Tharn.

What else was weird:

how is it that Doc is suddenly so sacrificial and willing to let Tharn go when he was willing to destroy his own soul just to kill Phaya and take Tharn like 5 min ago???

where are the Chart scenes? Khem and Thongthai?

random scene with Phaya's sister and Dao who is in France? Anyone interested in this?? So there was time for THIS, but not for Chalathorn and Tharn?

The finale otherwise had no emotional impact in the most important scenes:

Tharn joined the police to solve the mystery of his father's death, Akk had his entire agenda in this matter. However, after the killer is arrested (with Chalatorn's help lol) it doesn't feel like it has any major impact on either of them

Chart almost died. He didn't even deserve a single scene with Akk, who would thank him or just talk to him (I don't care about it, just to close this thread)

Khem almost died. We only see him once more after that. He's fine 🤷‍♀️

there are no scenes of Tharn reuniting with Yai, grandmother, or even the abbot

the sex scene is boring, repetitive, with weird music at the beginning that doesn't match the mood, the sight of them kneeling on the bed with pixelated butts, their dicks touching, with their pants around their knees is nothing but ridiculous. The whole scene is overshadowed by the fact that Tharn is lying to Phaya, that he's giving him something nice before he leaves (pity fuck) and taking fond memories with him (selfish fuck), and basically we all know it's a goodbye fuck. That is, everyone knows except Phaya, who, like Babe and Mhok, is oblivious at this point and happy to have it all taken away from him by someone he loves.

Actually, the last time this show was nice was when they still called each other bolster and jellyfish 😄 Also, if I'm not mistaken, all but one of the flashbacks in this episode were from episodes 1-5, plus the sex scene from ep. 7. Because back then the series was still good and it was about PhayaTharn. How could such a perfect series fuck up so much?

What was good about the finale? Just like in Last Twilght: the hets. Thank you Yai for being there and maintaining your integrity from start to finish 💖

To sum up:

I love The Sign ep 1-5 and the pink scene

I don't like The Sign ep 8-11

I hate the finale (I won't even write about how two weeks ago the finale with an unhappy ending was shown for free for peasants, and for money you could watch the finale with a good ending lol).

Everything that was wrong with The Sign is summed up in these words:

LMAAAAAOOOOOOO 😂😂😂

[elizabethplaid]

a note from watching video essays - dec 12, 2024

My work with counseling and self-analysis has become a big thing in my life, practically becoming second-nature. I figure out stuff by talking through it, returning to things later, sometimes unconsciously connecting thoughts as I go. Sometimes I have really great breakthroughs that blindside me. I stop mid-sentence, realizing the words that just left my mouth, and wonder how that came about. Basically, it's a lot of stream-of-consciousness talking and writing.

Below the cut, I will mention gross things in vague context. I watched video essays that left me feeling weird. Reflecting on that, I automatically wrote an incredible line that... oh god, that's got a lot of layers to it.

It's a lot, and I feel like being gentle and warning those who might read further. But it's also a beautiful bruise that I don't want to forget. Thus, I share.

Just now, I was recounting to someone some of the video essays I've been watching. Most of it has been themes in art and video games (eg violence, empathy), but I detoured to accounts of Hiroshima survivors. I knew basics of the topics, and I've browsed enough war stories that I knew it was gonna be gross. The mention of a horse knocked me off-balance. Yeah, I didn't finish the video.

Tried another Jacob Geller one, which I've been enjoying lately, but I shouldn't have clicked "head transplants". Nope, nope, not now. Found another, and I was able to find my knitting groove again.

Decided to message my friend, telling them what I just said above, and took note of how unsettled it left me. It feels like an old bruise that doesn't go away, yet I can't stop poking at it. Feeling that old ache reminds me of how far I've come in life, that I'm glad I feel things instead of just feeling numb.

More accurately, it's a can of worms that's bloated from botulism. I just escaped my in-the-moment squick; def not reaching for the can-opener anytime soon. So now, I shall distill the line, to make for a more acerbic quote.

"It no longer feels safe to hide under corpses."

I also thought of images of wrapping one's self in the field-dressed carcass of a deer, of surviving the cold in the belly of a Tauntaun. And then I thought of the fairytale "Donkeyskin" or "All-furs". While they are variants of Cinderella, they start with the heroine hiding herself in the pelts of animals. She wears them as clothing, rather than a costume (like a fur suit) or a static hiding place (like a cave), but it still feels connected. (Some versions mention escaping from her blood-related dad, who wanted to marry her, so... yeah it fits the themes.)

When I've been more depressed, I resonated with a lot of traumatic and gross imagery in media. I metaphorically "wore" the carcass as a shield - as if acknowledging my pain and flaws before someone else did gave me the upper hand. I still can't explain all the reasoning, though I've been working at this for years. Just acknowledging and accepting it was huge progress.

Taken literally, it'd fit well with my "Brave Little Tailor" story, as it deals with trauma and war and literally a scene with someone hiding under corpses. Metaphorically, it's a "turning point" line: the character can no longer allow themself to hide and must take an action. Is this potential action about "no longer hiding" or is it about "feeling safe"?

In the context of self-analysis and counseling work, it means my old "comforts" and coping mechanisms are not useful to my current-self. It reminds me of the sour heartburn I've had lately, after eating cinnamon-cookies and heavy foods. Shit; again with apt metaphors. I can't "indulge" in these occasional things without protecting myself (eg sit upright for awhile, to help with digestion). And sometimes there aren't ways to "protect" against that haunting bile-flavor in the back of my throat. My curiosity to revisit these things is not worth the risk.

Anyway, that was a sick-ass line for a movie or story. But for me, in my mundane yet overly-emotional-introspection, it feels like it summarizes more than I can consciously convey or understand right now. Yay for writing a cool sentence. Oh dear no, for the implications and can of worms hiding within.