#‘ this sounds trans…and i trans? no im comfortable as a girl with all pronouns. I can be called he but im a girl. is that right?’

[localgardenweed]

Im in a constant war with myself on changing my persona cause i wanna get a haircut this summer cause little fact i have wavy/curly hair and i always struggle to maintain it cause i dont have the energy to brush it when its long and its hard for me to wash it properly cause im stupid as fuck so i wanna chop it Dora style maybe get some form of those curtain bangs of my dreams or like a thin block bang thing going on, o used to have a thick ass full one as a kid but it kept poking my face so we had to cut it. Which also sucks cause I HAVE A SENSITIVE FACE I used to cry if my parents put too much lotion on me at a time i have to be dry, my body is a dessert but my face wants to be soft so we had to do it in layers. For this im and constantly peer reviewed for autism by my autistic friends. Also on my hairline i have “baby” hairs and dude when you meet me irl or hell dig deep enough online or just ya know look thru a few of my tiktoks idk though if its noticeable but MY HAIR LIKE SHOOTS OUT ITS FORMABLE. I dont know how to describe it or hell take care of cause it wont stay down it always dries quick and sticks out after a few hours. The only way to tame it is by soaking it and shaping it cause like i made a Lupin Cosplay and i needed that hair tamed so i soaked it in water and conditioner and curled it around my fingers and let it dry and had to constantly rewet and recurl all day

IF I DONT DO SHIT TO IT I COME HOME FROM SCHOOL LOOKING LIKE THIS

ITS EMBARRASSING ITS AGONIZING ITS SHITTY WHY WHY WHYYYY When i was going into middle school i fully believed i was gonna start getting out right bullied for that but no i got a bit of that up and coming psychological bullying but i was so fucking stupid to notice and usually just didn’t get it or noticed it immediately and just pushed through. Victim of the Oreo Game ✊. Holy shit ive been getting so off track with this post BACK TO THE PERSONA THING. So yeah if i change it i wanna like shop off her hair go Dora Style OR a very tiny itty bitty ponytail. Maybe add more hairclips to her hair cause im getting back into those to calm the demon “baby” hairs, it kinda works it saves me from looking crazy at work but the issue is i weirdly have more hair on one side that the other so they always slip and slide and look uneven at the end of the shift. But in drawings that doesn’t have to happen!!! I like a-lot of star clips cause im a loser and gold cause il a gold gurly idc if it doesn’t make my skin tone or anything I DO WHAT I WANT, i was predestined gold with my earrings i basically popped out the womb with and i will stay gold IMMMA STAY GOLD JOHNNY PONYBOY STAYING GOLD. Also may give a her a new outfit cause shes had a new outfit the persona i have in my intro is a little old cause now she wears jeans and sneakers instead of sweatpants and combat boots which i still wear i live and breathe in sweatpants but my persona doesn’t have as much sensory issues so she gets to wear whatever. I can wear jeans jut not certain ones or i die and kill myself. I wanna experiment and maybe give her seasonal outfits too but idk i just UGHH i need her to be the epitome of swag. SWAGGGG swag.

[genderfluid-culture-iss]

for the baby genderfluid tips!!

this could just be me lmao, but DO NOT donate your fem clothes if you feel masc for longer than usual. or vice versa.

keeping a gender journal is something that can be really helpful to actually look back on and see how it changes (and also have proof of fluidity for when you begin to think "hmm actually im just a trans girl. nothing else." no, you probably aren't. you felt completely boy/nonbinary/etc just a month ago, and thats okay.)

basically it can be really hard to embrace that your gender is not static, especially if your gender stays stable for a slightly longer period. it took me so long to stop rotating between "im a girl always" "no, im a boy always" "actually, im nonbinary always" to just admit im genderfluid.

also, make genderfluid content. you don't have to show it to anyone, but sometimes it can really help to make poetry or art or write a story about being fluid and your experience in particular. i have an easy avenue for this since i write fanfiction (haven't published any of it yet lmao) and i just hit my favorite characters with my genderfluid beam and go nuts

follow people who are genderfluid, read genderfluid books, maybe join a genderfluid discord server (there are barely any, so actually maybe make one), try to make genderfluid friends. you are not alone, even though it sometimes feels that way.

if you have plushies or anything similar, make them genderfluid. i have a genderfluid squishmallow who i use she/they pronouns for, and a little husky that switches between he/she. idk it just helps sometimes lol

some of us change gender daily, or multiple times a day. some of us change gender only a couple times a year, or even less. we're all different and that's fine.

tips for presentation:

if you have a day when you can't figure out gender, go neutral clothing-wise

take little things to ease dysphoria if you switch when you're out somewhere (ex. lipgloss, eyeliner, leather bracelet, etc)

if you can, get pronoun pins. seriously, get pronoun pins (or a colored bracelet for subtlety or if you're not out). you can wear multiple at a time, you can switch them whenever you need to. you aren't a burden if your pronouns change. you don't have to stick to they/them to be easy for people.

if you can, get a versatile hairstyle that you can make suit your gender no matter what. if you cant, try to get a hairstyle that makes you the least dysphoric overall.

if you are organized enough, separate your clothes based on gender/what you feel comfy wearing on different days. do not pressure yourself to fit stereotypes. some people can only feel comfortable in skirts when theyre boys, so they only wear skirts on boy days. do what works for you.

it's kinda complicated, but if you can expand your vocal range to sound more fem or masc depending on how you feel, it can help. alternatively, vocal train to make it more androgynous.

keep makeup wipes with you in case you need to take it off part way through being out. basically, make it as easy as possible to be able to change/tweak your presentation if necessary.

this could just be me, but having lots of hoodies in different colors and styles will save your life

sometimes you might have "blender days", which is what i call it when your gender feels like its in a blender in a bad way and you can't tell at all what it is, everything feels wrong, it's changing like every 10 minutes, etc. tbh on these days all i can do is put on sweats and a hoodie and feel dysphoric. listen to music if it helps. do a hobby.

non-clothing items can help a lot. a blue tshirt and jeans can be whatever you want it to be based on what you wear it with. (ex. sneakers/ballet flats, leather bracelet/sparkly necklace, baseball cap/eyeliner)

and lastly: YOU ARE AMAZING. keep being you, keep being incredible, and know that being genderfluid is a gift. be proud to be who you are, have fun, know that you are unique and special and wonderful!! we're ever-changing, and that's awesome. you are precious. i love you.

🩷🤍💜🖤💙

dont wanna link my tumblr, but my name is kiley if you want to attach a name to this!

Okay this is a lot more than I was expecting LMAO /pos

Thank you so much for this Kiley <33 I’ll start working on a masterpost with links to all this.

[radfemnotfemme]

been learning about radical feminism in the past year and i have completely reevaluated my beliefs about gender ideology. now im just so stuck on the idea of, how can identifying as another gender not be fundamentally regressive, sexist, and upholding gender norms? how can men just identify out of oppression? but now idk what to do holding these beliefs because truly all my friends would have serious issues with me if i were ever to voice this. in fact, i have close friends who are trans, and there are many trans people in my wider social circle (one of whom specifically made me so uncomfortable in a "female" space that it contributed to me unlearning my previous beliefs abt gender ideology). i attend a super liberal university where in a recent english class my professor even made a comment about jk rowling being an evil terf now.

i feel like i'm walking around with a dirty secret. i feel like i can't discuss these ideas with anyone irl, not even my girlfriend. it would fundamentally change her view of me as she as an incredibly vocal trans ally. i could see her breaking up with me for these beliefs; i could see many friends distancing themselves from me. i'm just wondering how you navigate a social world like this with radfem beliefs ahhhh

i feel you on the “dirty secret” aspect! i can try to give some advice since i’m in a very similar situation (minus the fact i live in a conservative area.)

due to my appearance (i’m visibly gay) i usually only attract TRA & ‘queer’ types to me. my friends are all TRA or some variant of “genderqueer.” i only have one friend ive been able to confide my beliefs to, and she’s more a closet conservative type so we really only agree on trans issues. I will say, if you can find even one person that you can speak freely with it’ll be a huge weight off your chest. Whenever I see this one friend we both just ramble because we can finally talk about shit that we can’t comfortably talk about with anyone else.

the way i’ve gone about managing my friendships with TRAs is to simply never bring up trans (or controversial radfem) topics. i avoid it like the plague, will change topic, and if directly questioned on something i will play the dumb and innocent role, aka just pretending to not understand but intend as coming from a good place. you should evaluate which of your friendships putting up this facade will be worth it, because it gets exhausting fast. i have some trans friends, but they’re all the “genderfluid/nonbinary AFAB who goes by any pronouns” type who present extremely feminine at all times, never even push the boundaries of gender expression honestly which is funny. (literally theyfabs lol) They dont care that i always use she/her and they honestly never bring up gender stuff with me. these type of girls aren’t too bad to be around as i feel they’re not as far gone as some TIPs are who actually take the steps to transition, etc. Being around a hardcore TIF or TIM might be a more difficult friendship to maintain.

Regarding your significant other, you should consider if this is a breaking point in your relationship. For me it’s not since my gf was generally uninformed about trans issues like the dangers of males in womens prisons, unfairness in sports, why oppressed is sex based and not gender based, etc. We’ve had discussions about this, where i explained my reasoning for being against these issues & she actually ended up agreeing after I showed her the facts. She’s still ‘pro-trans’ but is much more reasonable about it & thinks majority trans people just wanna live their life (which who can argue with that!) If this type of open conversation isn’t something you think could be achievable with your gf, you guys might just not be compatible.

It sounds like you live in a very liberal area & so my advice to you would be to see if there’s any radical feminist organizations near you. I think finding other people who think the same as you will help you feel less guilty. It’ll probably be hard since most radfems are secretive about their beliefs (for obvious reasons lol) but i’m sure you’ll find someone eventually.

[i-like-forcefem]

i am a trans man but im super into forcefem? not sure what to do? like ? do i reach pick masculine and then go fem to achieve forcefem status- im happy on t and have had top surgery- but being fem and having she/her used turns me on so much? is that a good enough reason to grow out my hair etc

Hard question! Throughout it all you should do whatever makes you happiest and most comfortable in life, and I can’t decide that for you, but some things to consider:

1) you could try engaging with forcefem from another lens, be the forcefemmer! A dear dear trans masc friend of mine loves watching other guys get forcefemmed since he got forcefemmed as a kid so why shouldn’t cis guys be put through it too?

2) gender is made up! You can be a guy who dresses like a girl, sounds like a girl and uses she/her pronouns! That’s fine! Do whatever makes you happy!

3) I’d advice against revolving a big part of your life around kinks that dehumanise you, esp if you’re not in the best position right now, you deserve love, you deserve respect, you are a man, and it can hurt if you spend a lot of your time enforcing lies that go against that

All in all, I’m not experienced enough to give great advice here! Know you can always stop, know you’re always a man, and know you deserve love!

Good luck cutie!

[sea-saur]

gender rant under the cut

ok here's the thing i've been on t for a little over a year now and i had top surgery back in september of '22 so like i'm cooking right im a little guy in an incubator and my voice has changed for sure and my bottom growth is growing and im getting more hair in places etc etc so like things are happening right. but i'm also 5'2" and have a big ole ass and while my voice has changed it isn't changed enough to pass and while yes i have more body hair plenty of cis girls have more body hair than me and like basically i'm getting on and off dysphoria for not passing. i don't even WANT to pass as a cis man, i just want to NOT be read immediately as a girl. you know? and frankly i'm happy with the body hair and bottom growth and it'd be nice if my fat redistribution kicked in a little more but i'm comfortable with my weight etc etc like....frankly i think it's mostly the voice. the voice and the face. like if my face looked more boyish and my voice sounded more boyish i think the rest of my body would coast cause i've seen enough chubby guys of various shapes to not really feel that self conscious about my body. it's the face and voice that sell it.

and the other thing is like....i have this thing where it's like 'i don't pass as a boy therefore i'm not one' when i don't put that requirement on any other queer person but for ME living it mentally? it's hard to put together the 'i walk around and am read as a girl, and i was raised as a girl, and hell i frankly WAS a girl up until my 20's like that's a part of who i am and im not ashamed of that, i love child me she is important to who i am as a person and frankly i'm grateful to be trans in that way, i think growing up a girl can make me a better guy" (and yeah there's a lot of privilege to be able to say i love being trans, i'm in a large city and work in an industry where queerness is accepted and often celebrated so like. i know. i'm really very very lucky and im extremely grateful for that) but mentally, it's hard for me to even see myself as a transmasc person when i don't SEE it physically, AND because my insides are still me. like i'm still me. and i didn't grow up as feeling like a boy in a girls body. i'm still some kind of nonbinary, still very queer in general, like being bi puts an interesting spin on this too since i have never been and don't associate my personal self with lesbian spaces, or gay men spaces, i sort of float in any queer generalities that people are into. but yeah, never really clicked with lesbian specific environments. i love lesbians but im just not one.

BUT i was raised a girl, so i feel COMFORTABLE around women, often times more than men. queer people in general of any gender are number 1, but ya know. the gist is coming off of a gig the last month that was very queer coded in the musical we were doing, and being surrounded by queer women making lesbian jokes, i felt...simultaneously left out (no one was leaving me out, to be clear, i mean within my own personal identity crisis lol) and also too included. i don't know. a lot of it is in my head, people are often good about my pronouns and frankly i don't KNOW how my usual colleagues see me as a person, if they have to work harder to reframe their interpretation of me away from "girl" and into "transmasc person" since i worked with a number of them before i started medically transitioning. thankfully i always read as a queer person haha. i have that going for me, which does feel very affirming.

idk. even my own apartment decor gives me dysphoria sometimes, which drives me crazy!! i like my apartment decor! I keep trying to do little things to "masc" it up, neutralize it a little, even tho i love all the things i've put in my home. i need new curtains.

there's nothing more to do about it right now i guess, besides try and take more active steps toward my legal name change, and potentially switching from t gel to injections, but that scares me because i'm afraid of doing it wrong and hurting myself. the gel is safer that way. and the dose is daily so i think it gives are more consistent level throughout the week. i also don't know exactly how much i want to pass as "just some guy" even tho this entire rant is literally about that. i think that my fear is that i look cis/straight, which frankly idk that i ever even would based on how i am as a person, so idk why i'm worried about it. basically, i want to stop feeling like i'm 'pretending' to be transmasc. cause sometimes it feels like it's all a lie and im actually just a girl who doesn't want to be a girl but is stuck as one. especially since i don't want to be a cis guy either. i also don't want to lose my ties to my past - i don't connect with womanhood, but i don't want to lose the "sisterhood" for lack of a better term? But also really want to be part of the queer "brotherhood" that i feel like i can't be based on where i am as a person? idk i feel a lot of the time that when im in my own home, im just a little goosey guy. the second i leave my apartment and im percieved, i'm a masculine woman to the world. and even tho masculine women are the fucking shit, im just not that!! and so. dysphoria.

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

I am so sorry if this may sound ignorant (I have been doing online school for about 3 years now and havent really been around many people my age for a while so I don't know if this plays into my question or not)

I have 2 questions

1. I use the pronouns she/her (it's just what I have always been comfortable with) but I prefer to were more masc or boy stereotypical clothing I guess you could say. Now I do like girl clothes but not as much. I think im just confused if it's a body thing or a gender thing because I like masc clothes so much since they just fit my body better I definitely feel more comfortable in them, but I also like to wear fem presenting clothes as well that may be more form fitting. And you know sometimes I want to put on a suit and strut around in it and sometimes I want to put on a dress it just depends.

2. I am very confused about my sexuality lol. I don't think I realized people could even be more than what society had already deemed as normal and around the age I would have probably began to explore my sexuality covid hit and everything went online. (For reference I am about to turn 16 and would have been 13 when the pandemic hit) I feel the same when I see an attractive female as I would an attractive male (this goes for anyone really if I find them attractive I can feel attraction to them, whether it's a platonic, romantic, or sexual attraction genuinely don't know) I also am fine reading sex scenes but whenever people talk about it in person or if I watch it on tv that's when I get uncomfy and I genuinely can't see myself having sex with someone (idk if that will change or not) but im fine with seeing myself being in a relationship and cuddling expressing my love for a person and sometimes kissing (it depends)

I am so sorry that this was sooo long and all over the place my brain is all messy when I don't plan things out before I write or say anything, and you don't have to answer of course this was just me ranting about how I have no clear thoughts as to who I am yet and it feels good to get it off my chest lt even if you don't answer or even see this.

Thank you genuinely it feels good to talk.

No need to apologise!! I’m here for u :] That’s good, I’m glad writing this ask helped you feel better—try and write shit down sometimes, even if it’s just hastily typed into a google doc and immediately deleted. Shit’s magic honestly.

Preferring or liking masculine clothing doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re transgender. Like obviously it’s a possibility but it’s not like, oh I like pants instead of skirts that means I’m a guy!! You could be trans or you could just be a girl who likes different types of clothing.

My advice is like, don’t sweat it too much, and just do what makes you happy. If you like masculine clothing, fucking go for it!!! I’m sure you’ll slay 100%!! If you wanna wear form fitting stuff, go for that too!! Just. Do what makes you feel like yourself, and do what makes you feel happy, don’t worry about labels and am-i-trans-am-i-cis and all that, kay? Just Vibe!!!!!!

I’d suggest you consider mspec labels, which means attraction to multiple genders, labels like bisexual and pansexual, or just plain old bi and pan might be good for you!!

You can look into the asexual spectrum, which is basically all sexualities that aren’t like 100% allosexual (allosexual means like. most of the population and how they experience sexual attraction.)

Yes, attraction can be confusing. And yes, it’s possible the stuff you feel might change. Maybe you’ll feel sexual attraction someday, or maybe you never will!!

But go with what you like *now.* If bi feels good, go for bi! If asexual feels good, go for it. If you wanna change it later, that’s okay!!

I’m gonna give you my standard new shoe advice—yknow when you have rlly shitty old shoes but you’re used to them, and when you get new shoes you’re like wtf these are really weird, but then you eventually realise they’re much more comfy and you were just used to the shitty old ones?

New labels can be kind of like that. So like, if u try a label and it feels Weird, ask yourself if the weird is a “this is the wrong shoe size” weird or a “i need to break this shoe in” weird.

Hope I could help you out!! Sending my love, and I hope you find what makes you feel happy and feel like yourself!! Have an amazing day <333

[feral-radfem]

I follow radfem blogs on crypto and everything and has been for some months now. I desisted some months ago too.

Not because 'dysphoria', or whatever this may be- disappeared, but because I realized that it was bullshit. Dangerous, stupid, with many risks for the health and with no meaning at all.

However, I tried to find ways to help with this dysphoria. Every man I see is painful because I can never be as he is. Shirtless men make me want to die, their voice deeper than mine will ever be, the contrast between their anatomy and mine and the fact that I can never be what they are is so dreadful, I feel hopeless.

I thought about taking T for some months. Just the time that my voice drops a bit, and then stop. Get top surgery. Not changinc papers or identity or name. Just something to be okay with myself. I know this will not make me a man, but being a masc girl is not enough, if it's not more painful.

I don't really know what else to do. I don't give a fuck about pronouns, or the trans community. Just want to feel less like shit. But I don't want to be a traitor to my own cause. Thanks for reading .

I'm not going to tell you how to live your life if you're an adult but I would strongly advise against giving yourself a hormone imbalance or removing healthy tissue for aesthetic. I know that may sound blunt but it's the reality of the situation. Though I'm truly sorry that you're unhappy with your current situation.

I don't know what your financial situation is like or the area you live in but I would genuinely suggest therapy and surrounding yourself with gender nonconforming women before you decide that this is the only option left for you. Give yourself some material relationships and activities to distract yourself from the constant body monitoring that seems to be bothering you. See if there is an improvement in your mental health with that first.

That being said there is a user on here I think called @butchreidentified who is gotten a double mastectomy and seems, through her own accord, to be happy with it to this point. Perhaps being able to discuss this with another woman who feels similarly to you would bring you some comfort.

At the end of the day I think you should consider your own health and happiness before you consider whether or not you're going to be a cause traitor. Though you are completely correct in your assertion that it will never make you a man. As painful as it is the closest you could get to that is being a masculine woman even if you do go through the hrt/surgery.

I'm sorry this hurts you and genuinely hope you find a way to experience some relief. Im wishing the best for you, hun. Be safe.

[batwynn]

i dont know if im nonbinary or a female how do i know?

Hi! So, I'm not actually really active here anymore, and I can't really tell when this ask came in so I have to apologize if this was from forever ago and I'm only answering it now. I feel like this was probably important, though, so I'd like to answer now even if it's much too late for you to even be checking my blog for an answer. Firstly, the complete and perfect answer is not something I can provide as this is something only you can really figure out. Gender expression and identity is a very personal thing, and while others can provide information, questions, relatable experiences, etc... in the end, only you can learn and know who you are.

*I am also not a licenced mental health professional or anyone in a professional capacity to provide health/mental health answers or even the end-all strictly factual answers to any gender/sexuality/etc questions. I can only provide general advice based on my knowledge and experiences, which is always going to be limited by what I am exposed to, learn, and experience. This means my answer is biased, period. Please always take what you read online with a grain of salt-AKA please always question, look further into things, and find more answers elsewhere before taking a reply from a random person online as The Only Truth. I would like to also include that all advice is given without knowing anything about you or your personal situation. If you are unsafe in doing anything advised, please do not do it. I will start by saying that it is a learning process, figuring out gender stuff, and sometimes that process never actually comes to a stop. I, myself, have gone through many stages of gender stuff and many questions to lead to where I feel the most comfortable right now. I've been a cis woman, genderfluid, strictly trans masc, nonbinary, nonbinary trans masc etc. It probably sounds like a mess, and it kind of has been. But let's be honest, it's not easy pinpointing something like this and a lot of things can change your perception of gender or just who you are in general over time. Now, I'd like to direct you to the Trever Project's page as they have some good resources on where to start learning, ways to 'come out', things to ask yourself, etc. This article in particular goes over a lot of things like what we might have preconceptions about gender, and includes questions to ask yourself to see how you feel about your gender in a lot of different aspects. It also links to this article, that includes even more information and also talks about sexuality.

I'll list some of those questions here: How do you feel about your birth gender?

What gender do you wish people saw you as?

How would you like to express your gender?

What pronouns (like he/him or she/hers, or ze/zir or they/them) do you feel most comfortable using?

When you imagine your future, what gender are you?

How do I like to present my gender?

In an ideal situation, how would I want to express my gender?

What aspects of gender expression make me feel happy and authentically myself?

What aspects of gender expression make me feel sad and not like myself?

You might not know the answers to these questions, and that's absolutely okay! You don't have to know everything, full stop. You can be nonbinary and not know all the answers to all the questions. You can be a cis girl/woman and still question your gender. Exploration of your gender identity is completely okay, regardless of where you end up on the vast spectrum of gender at any given point. There is no rule that says: "You can't go back!" once you start exploring. Anywhere you feel comfortable, even if it's right back at the start of your exploration, is completely and utterly okay.

So, in the end I would say: Give it a look. Ask some questions of yourself, and others. Ask a medical/mental health professional, if you want to/can about any possible transitioning questions you might have. Test some stuff out, including but not limited to pronouns, clothing, hair/wigs, names, makeup, colors, partners, etc. Whatever you feel safe and comfortable doing in your personal situation, try it out.

*If you are not safe where you are and need screen shots of the articles linked above to view on Tumblr only, please send another ask and I will provide those.

Good luck!

[pawlmtree]

Hello! I'm sorry if I sound a little lost but could you explain xenogenders a lil? The only contact I had w/ the concept was Twitter and it was just people saying it's "cishet people wanting cookie points", so I feel really troubled and don't really know the origin. Seeing someone as nice as you use them/have interest gave me a new perspective but I'm still kinda lost. Sorry if I'm bothering asking, have a nice day (,,• ��,,)

sure!! here’s some information from a site about xenogenders

Xenogender isn't defined in relation to "female" or "male" (the binary genders), but by other kinds of ideas that most people don't think of as having to do with gender. When people talk about nonbinary gender, they often find that there aren't any words for their experiences. This is called an explanatory gap. In order to fill an explanatory gap, this wiki and nonbinary.wiki takes up "xenogender" as an umbrella term for an entire category of nonbinary genders that are defined by characteristics with no relation whatsoever to "female" or "male."

Because a gender binary society doesn't give much in the way of roles or descriptions for nonbinary genders, some transgender and gender nonconforming people address the challenge of describing their gender identities by creative methods, referring to concepts that aren't usually seen as related to gender. This has been observed in very young nonbinary people:

"Not all children fit neatly into a male or female gender identity, trans or otherwise. For some children, the sense of being 'both' or 'neither' best describes their reality. [...] Children who see themselves as 'neither' will often speak of how regardless of whether they're with a group of boys or girls, they feel like they don’t fit. This is not necessarily a sad feeling. They just see the kids around them and know that they are not 'that.' Kids in this category often appear androgynous, and will frequently answer the question 'are you a boy or a girl' by saying their name ('I'm Devon') or by identifying themselves as animals. When asked to draw self portraits, they will portray themselves as rainbows, or unicorns, or another symbol of their choosing."

- "Frequently Asked Questions," GenderSpectrum.org [1]

and i like that they used a quote from genderspectrum bc I've gone there twice :)  its an event for trans people and allies and its really awesome. anyway i will give my own explanation now too!

neurodivergency makes it hard to understand and define gender sometimes and for me i have never had a very solid understanding of gender so since i was 13 i have been using different gender labels (nonbinary, demigirl/demiboy, trans male, etc) and for the longest i’ve been “trans male”  however i don’t really know what it means to be “male” nor do i know if its thee right term for me! but after reading this thread  on liongender it really resonated with me and felt fitting to me and i feel comfortable with it because it feels...so me!? and it makes me happy and confident in myself! and that's what matters. trans/nonbinary/xenogender people don’t use labels to make others comfortable, we do it to be our truest selves! even if you can’t understand, that’s ok! you just need to be respectful because i am just doing what makes me happy :) and also, i still go by he/him! the reason i identified as trans male for so long is that i want cis people to perceive me and treat me as “male” (he/him pronouns, “male” words and labels etc) ! I've also been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and i’ve been on testosterone for almost 4 months now, and i’ve been really happy and excited with the changes..! i want to have a deep voice so im waiting on that lol..but i have a little mustache and my face is shaped differently and my hair is getting longer and i feel awesome. if you have any other questions let me know!

[transmeds]

My apologies, another person in your replies said “Anon you realize that exact logic is and HAS been used to justify the deliberate misgendering of trans people, right” and I thought it was you. Anyhow, there is no reason to get so nasty, I’m just asking you to explain your thoughts on this since you frequently post in the tags with your opinions. Being a “boy” or a “girl” is a social role, not necessarily a gender. So, yeah, it’s possible to take on a different gender role than the one associated with your gender. Since roles are often conflated with gender, they tend to be used interchangeably. People who are PNC often use “wrong” pronouns to express their complicated relationship with gender identity. Aside from this, some people use certain pronouns for themselves because they simply enjoy them, which is their own prerogative. So, then, you’re against being PNC because 1) it’s too complicated for you personally to process and that is somehow deserving of your vitriol and 2) you feel that English grammar and syntax rules are more important than respecting people’s referential language? How is challenging language any different than challenging gender stereotypes, as one would do being GNC? Do you prioritize your comfort over the dignity of other transgender people, or do you seriously think that language is sacred? Words are created all the time and definitions change with their usage. It sounds that rather than even attempt to accommodate your brethren, you would prefer to latch on to the anti-PNC position so you have some excuse to not challenge your notions of “gendered” language. As a person with an auditory processing disorder myself that impacts my life greatly, that is not an excuse for you not to better yourself, even if it is difficult for you. Other people do not deserve your anger for simply existing with pronouns that challenging the status quo. If you *definitively and actively know* a person’s pronouns are contrary to their appearance or identity and you refuse to even try to refer to them properly, that is not an issue with processing, but with conflating pronouns with gender identity at the best and willfully choosing to disrespect them at the worst. That can’t be explained away by saying you have a processing disorder. Do not attempt to paint being PNC as ableist because you are unwilling to challenge your deep-seeded, actively obsolescent beliefs. Having a processing disorder makes people rely on context. If you are communicating with or about someone whose pronouns you know, PNC or otherwise, you have been provided the context. You are choosing to either ignore it for your own comfort and a lack of desire to improve yourself or because you think language is more important than people. If I’m wrong, prove it.

i didnt mean to get nasty i just dnt have a good concept of whats too mean n stuff.

i love that you consistently add more to what i am saying and look to deep into it to paint me as a bad person but i will get to that later. its hard to pay attention to one thing at a time but i will try 2 go in order.

being a boy or girl isnt a social role,, its just being a girl or boy?? like a kid female n kid male like. thats not a role thts a fucking.. way to describe someones gender when theyre a kid?? like i cannot even understand why i have to say that. wtf do u think being a girl/boy is?? its a way to describe someones gender, like pronouns. not a role or gender expression.

im not against it because its too complicated or that i want to disrespect ppls pronouns or something like that you want to put into my mouth. challenging a language is different than challenging gender rules because language was made with a purpose and one that still matters today. gender roles never served a solid purpose, them getting removed doesn't matter at all.

this is really pointless because youre going to keep refusing to recognize that language is important and that pronouns aren't something that you just use to make yourself happy, they are a tool in language that serve two singular purposes. to replace a name. and to describe the person in a gendered way. getting rid of gender should just mean getting rid of pronouns all together because they are pointless without any description of the person that they are being used for. because then you cant fucking tell who they're talking about at all. this is why robots struggle with pronouns :)

its funny to me that you add "appearance" to "identity" as if 1. they match. 2. that i at all ever said they have to watch appearance. if you didnt know im NOT PASSING. 3. as if appearance matters <3

this isnt about me wanting to be rude or not challenge gender roles or anything, im a very gnc man myself. this is about the fact that pronouns only real purpose is to tell you what gender someone is, not if they're masculine or feminine or just like the sound of them. this is why getting called "she/her" makes the majority trans men dysphoric, but why wearing dresses or having traditionally feminine roles won't make the majority of them dysphoric.

you clearly aren't listening to what im saying so i dont see why you insist on replying and putting things in my mouth from finding excuses like "someone else said it" to whatever youre going to make for trying to say i just dont like people who r pnc and am using processing an an excuse, instead of an example of why its important this time.

language isnt more important than people, but people can not exist as is without a way of communicating. trying to tear down communication because you dont like its rules just make what it is to be human harder to be. i cannot be myself to anyone else if there is no words to describe who i am in a strictly male or unrelated sense. there's a difference verison of you to every person you know, and you can't make it remotely accurate without the words to express it.

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

[thefinnionold]

Nonbinary November!

22 Questions for Nonbinary November!

1.Which labels do you use?

transmasc, nonbinary, enby, trans, ftm (I use these all interchangebly because I feel that they all describe me)

2.What are your pronouns?

they/them and I’m trying out neopronouns like xe/xem/xer

3.How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary?

I think I was still 14 and for a while I used all pronouns when I was first experimenting.

4.What’s one thing you’d like to tell your younger self?

It doesn’t matter what other people think. It won’t be inconvienient for others to use your pronouns. It isn’t wierd to use a name that you feel comfortable with, even if one of your classmates uses that name. 

5.Is there a myth about nonbinary people that annoys you the most?

that we all use just they/them pronouns. Some of use connect to binary genders as well, but still identify as nonbinary.

6.Is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to?

I honestly don’t know of any nonbinary celebrities-

7.If you’re out, how did you come out?

I’m not out as nonbinary yet-

8.Is there a gender-related pun you like?

When your nonbinary friend keeps getting misgendered:

“their their.”

9.Do you have friends who identify as nonbinary, too?

Yes! I have a few friends who identify as a part of the nonbinary spectrum

10.Do you have a favorite lgbt+ character?

CATRACATRACATRACATRA

11. Lgbt, lgbt+, lgbtqa+… which one do you usually use?

lgbtqia+

12. How do you explain the term “nonbinary” to people who have no idea what it means?

“Imagine a line. You are point A on the line. That person over there is point B. I am right in the middle of those two points. There are even genders that are coplanar with, but not colinear with this line. Basically, I am neither a boy, or a girl.”

13.Tell us a fun fact about yourself (gender-related or random!)

I find that my gender fluxuates depending on what my interests are. This may sound wierd but I have recently felt more masculine due to wanting to be Billie Joe Armstrong.

14.How did you find your name?

I was experimenting with names for a while, mostly online, and then I found the name Finn. Apparently it stuck and yeah! It has even morphed into some of my friends calling me Finnegan. Which idm because I feel like it’s still part of my name.

15.If you’re in a relationship, how did your partner react to your coming-out?

I am not currently in a relationship, but my current crush was super supportive and she calls me by my prefered name + pronouns.

16.Do you prefer partner, datemate, significant other or something else?

partner, boyfriend and girlfriend (I’m fine with all of these, despite connotation)

17.A piece of advice for questioning kids?

Don’t be afraid to experiment! Gender and sexuality are both fluid. If you decide that a label doesn’t fit you, that is completely fine and you shouldn’t have to worry about other people telling you that you can’t change your label. If they do, screw them. It’s your life, not theirs.

18.Which flag(s) do you use?

nonbinary, trans, genderfluid, and pansexual!

19.Any tips for bad days?

I’m afab so I can really only give afab advice lol: Hoodies, especially really big ones. BE REALLY SAFE WITH BINDERS. I’m not even kidding, don’t even TOUCH one without doing research first. It’s very important to know the risks of wearing a binder. Try wearing a sports bra instead of a padded one. AND DEAR GOD TAKE CARE OF URSELF. Ik the disphoria is a lot and ik it isn’t comfortable, but don’t forget to eat food and drink water, and just take care of yourself.

20.Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr?

not really, im new to tumblr so im still finding out about a lot of things :]

21.Feminine, masculine, androgynous - or none of those things?

androgynous but leaning toward masculine

22. What are your three favorite things about yourself?

I love my shoulders, I love that I’m tall, and I love that I’m smart and capable

[knivestothroats]

Im from a conservative racist area so not many people to ask but i was born female and ive always felt like i was male dressed more boyish thought of as a boy and always thought i was trans. But im too scared to come out . And i was scared that its not what i want . Like i like some of the female aspects and male aspects if that makes sense . Im sorry if i sounded mean not sure how to word.

Okay, so. Ultimately I can’t tell you your identity, but I can tell you my takeaway based on my own experience with gender. 

If you feel male, feel comfortable dressing boyishly, and think of yourself as trans, then you probably are trans. I know that it’s a scary jump to make, but those are pretty much all indicators of being trans. There’s no prerequisite to being trans besides feeling like a gender that you weren’t assigned at birth. And that sounds like it’s the case for you.

For myself, I knew I at least wasn’t totally female for like 8 or 9 years before I really came to terms and was ready to deal with it. And part of my hesitancy was that I didn’t want to abandon womanhood, even though I, personally, rarely associated with anything feminine. But still, occasionally I would wear a dress or make up for a special event. I have tattoos of flowers. I grew my hair out for a few years. Most of my friends are girls. I’m a feminist. 

But most of the time I shopped in the men’s section for flannels and jackets and hoodies and hats that I could hide my shape under. I shaved my head every couple years and didn’t wear makeup except for holidays and concerts. It was always kind of fun when I would get “mistaken” for a guy. 

The conclusion I eventually came to for myself, was that I’m masculine-leaning genderqueer, and if a cis stranger is going to look at me and think “is that a boy or a girl” and then pick one, I would rather they pick “boy.” Gender is a spectrum, not a box you can check or a switch you can flip or even a scale you can slide on. Some people do feel completely male or comepletely female. Some people change from day to day. Some people feel like a mix of both. Some people feel like neither. Some people cherry pick from both but ultimately don’t completely identify with either. Some people are sort of floating off in space in a nebula cis folk can’t even conceptualize. It really isn’t necessary to hammer out the finer points if you don’t want to, or if you can’t.

There’s a quote I think about a lot from Naomi Alderman that goes, “Gender is a shell game. What is a man? Whatever a woman isn’t. What is a woman? Whatever a man is not. Tap on it and it’s hollow. Look under the shells: it’s not there.”

So, maybe you are a man. You don’t have to abandon all aspects of femininity. There are cis men with long hair, or who wear make up, or skirts, or like the color pink, or flowers, or paint their nails, or any number of other things that are considered feminine. Every human is an individual first. 

I don’t know your situation, so I can’t comfortably speak to whether or not it’s safe for you to come out. But if you need - or want - to wait, it’s okay. It’s not weakness to prioritize your safety, or even comfort. There is no expiration date to transitioning. There are people who transition in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and so on. Like I said, it took me 9 years before I was ready to deal with it. 

I guess my advice for now would maybe be to find an online community where you can explore your gender if you can’t do it irl. Even if you want to start a whole new blog where you go by a different name and pronouns, just to try living as that person and see how it feels. 

There’s no rush to figure it out, and you don’t have to feel pressured to conform to the standards for binary genders set by cis people. If you’ll excuse the wordplay, you can transcend the barriers. 

And now a message from another trans friend whomst I asked to proof read this: “Most importantly though - congratulations! Thinking about coming out and transitioning (however you might want to) can feel impossibly daunting, but it isn’t for naught. It’s a journey of understanding, accepting, and embracing your truest self. There is a joy unlike any other in becoming and living as your real self, and meeting others in the community who share your journey too. Transitioning, being trans, isn’t an act of hating yourself - it is the greatest act of self love you can ever undertake. In this day and age, you have access to more resources online and through public communities than the world has ever had before! Being trans is a wonderful thing. You are not alone no matter where in the world you are. There is no rush, and certainly we all face our own difficulties with it - but there are a million rewards you’ll find along the way.”

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hi there !! i personally am the most comfortable and euphoric when being referred to using he/they and masc or neutral gendered terms. i was wondering if that makes me transmasc? i like dressing up more masc leaning and love when i look masc (as in my stance looks 'boyish' rather than 'girly' bc im afab) in photos and when my voice sounds hoarse and deep-ish. ive always been a bit 'boyish' and rough in my mannerisms even as a child but i also do not identify fully as a man bc my afab experiences are very prevalent and constant esp in the country i live in which is full of misogynists and conservatives. i also feel pretty when i dress fem but i dont know if i specifically feel or like being fem or just a masc who likes to be fem presenting sometimes :((

gender questioning and finding the right term is so complicated,, u don't have to if u want but i'd rly like to hear your thoughts on this as someone who /is/ transmasc <3

Heya mate :D

Okay, I’m going to try to explain this to you best I can but I don’t know if I can put it into words, but I’ll try my best!

So you’ve said that he/they and masc/neutral terms make you euphoric, and you have a masculine gender presentation—those are things that are connected to transmasculinity, yes, but they aren’t necessarily always transmasc things. A gnc cis girl can feel euphoric when he’s referred to with masc terms because it validates his gender nonconformity, a transmasc person can feel euphoric because it validates his gender, it’s all really about the person.

While euphoria, dysphoria, gender presentation, pronouns, and all that other stuff can be connected to transness or be an aspect of transness, that isn’t what makes you trans. What makes you trans is being trans. That’s it. You don’t have to have a certain experience, if you are trans, you are trans.

My gender experience is pretty similar to yours—I get euphoria from masc terms and he/they pronouns and I’m pretty masc presenting, and these are related to my transmasculinity, yes, but what makes me trans is being trans. That’s it.

So what I think you should try is sitting down and forgetting everything, putting aside euphoria and dysphoria and pronouns and presentation and clothes, and ask yourself, what gender are you?

Because while pronouns and clothes can be connected to gender, they aren’t what determines it. 

When I was trying to figure out if I was trans or not I was caught up in a whirlwind of pronouns and presentation and masculine and feminine and euphoria and dysphoria, and it made me hella confused, but what helped was disregarding all those things and sitting down and asking myself, am I trans? No matter what pronouns or how I dress, what is my gender?

And then I thought about it and realised I was trans, and while I use he/they and present masc because of my transness, as I said earlier, being trans is what makes me trans. That’s it. That’s all there is to it.

I can’t tell you if you’re transmasc, but I can tell you this—ask yourself, what makes you happy? Does being a gnc cis girl make you happy? Well then, go for it! Does being nonbinary make you happy? That’s awesome! Does being transmasc make you happy? Be transmasc!

So at the end of the day, it isn’t really pronouns or presentation or anything, or how you act, but being trans. And these things can be aspects of transness but transness is being trans. That’s it. And ask yourself what makes you happy and how you want your future self to live, who you want to be and who you are. 

It’s going to all be okay—the trans community will love and support you no matter what, and your trans siblings are always here for you, and I for one will always support you as your older brother whether you’re cis or trans!!

I hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck on your gender journey! Lmk if you have any more questions, and have a great day/night :D

[banghwa]

Nb ask anon here, tysm for answerring the ask about how u came to terms with ur gender, it's always insightful to see what other trans people have to say about their experiences even if I cant relate to everything u said, I guess for me I started to notice that I wanted to present more masc than i used to, I've 'been' a cis girl all my life and a rather girly one to be honest (although I think part of that is because I've been forced to do so).

But when people call me women or girl smth just.. doesnt sound right to me to be honest, like I know I'm not a man but a woman seems also kinda.... "strong", I just want to put wlw as my gender to be honest ajsjkssks I know that doesnt make sense but it's the only thing I know for sure in my life and also they/them pronouns are cool too I guess lol but anything besides that seems so alien to me, like for example my name, it's not that I dislike it but I've always been reluctant to search for a new one, it's like taking a step in a direction, THAT direction u know what I mean

Ugh then there's the whole presentation problem of like I kinda like to look fem but not for certain people but I definitely wanna look more masc or even gnc, like I want people to look at me and not "be able" to assume what I am u know but also sometimes girly things are pretty so fml

Anyways this gender shit is so complicated jules like it takes so much experimenting and shit and I'm just like ugh why cant I just KNOW things right now

(Sorry for the rant but u just seemed very trustworthy and helpful in the 1st ask)

omg pls dont apologize, im more than happy that your trust me enough to talk to me about something to personal <3 but yess i rly love hearing how everyone defines their gender its so interesting how we're all so different but also the same, its very comforting i feel. (answered under the cut bcs it got long lol)

thats actually really similar to how i started exploring my gender! i am a very feminine person but when i started figuring out my sexuality i also started realizing how much i disliked being read as feminine by other people despite liking being feminine. and how much i liked more masculine compliments and indentifiers. i started out id-ing as a cis bi girl and then a bi nb guy and then bi trans guy and then gay nb and now nb lesbian so its BEEN a process lmao and i know how frustrating it is to feel like you dont have it all figured out or to think you have it figured out only for you to realize it doesnt quite fit anymore later on. it feels a lot like you have to restart the whole process, but in reality i think its more of a checkpoint, ya know? sometimes we have to make a lot of stops and try out a lot of things before we find something that fits and thats totally fine. for me it was like. when i realized i was not cis it felt like running as far away as i would from my agab and then slowly coming back to poke it with a stick kjgfhkj.

and its definetly so complicated when you feel like the terms you want to identify with are "contradictory," we don't really have the vocabulary in english to describe how we experience our gender properly most of the time and some things just dont fit and its hard to explain exactly *why* to someone who doesnt Get It. but maybe its partially a blessing in disguise, bcs it lets us really test things out and play around until it feels right. you can definetly id your gender as wlw, i personally describe my gender as "lesbian" bcs i feel thats the only thing that still ties me to "womanhood." i do get what you mean tho, it was really scary for me too to start using "contradictory" identifiers, like im a lesbian but i use he/they pronouns and i like presenting fem but i hate when people assume im a woman or straight because of it. it really is frustrating trying to figure all this out when everyone around you treats gender like something they get to project onto you and feeling like you need to play into that in order to feel "real." i still have a lot of trouble detatching my gender identity from other peoples assumptions and expectations, so it feels a bit hypocritical to try to give advice on that lol, but i think it all comes back to figuring out what *you* want first and foremost, having trusted people who you can talk to and experiment with, and seeing it as a learning opportunity more than a "goal" or "destination."

it definetly is so frustrating but you're not the only one <3 im sorry happy that you're taking the time to explore what feels right to you even though its daunting to admit that to yourself. some steps like trying a different name can ESPECIALLY be really challenging and scary and it takes so much courage to admit that thats even a potential, im so proud of you honey and i wish you all the best <33 im always here and happy to talk if you want to

[paninimaker]

CALLOUT POST FOR TIKTOK

MASSIVE TW FOR TRANSPHOBIA

This is tiktok btw

Ik i sound like a karen, but its true. Ive been on lives where trans people are maliciously misgendered, and reported it. Im gonna show a record or my reports

(Theres two ive blocked out bc they were irrelivant, but ive colour coded the stuff)

Lets start with the purple section. I was in the live of a trans woman who had recently come out. Those reports are the transphobic comments i saw. I was in the live for 30 seconds. I saw more than those, but i left befire i reported them bc i was getting upswt by them

The blue section. I saw a transphobic video (ill show it here).

Before i show this video

DO NOT HARRASS THIS GUY

It will do no good

The red lines are where i tried to blur out the username bc i dont want this man to get hate even tho he is shitty, becaude im not a dick. The caption said 'No comment'.

Im pretty sure its obvious why its transphobic, but if its not, then ill explain. In the video, the girl just implies she has a pp which is a common joke among trans women who are comfortable with it, but the added side video impies that the poster is screaming bc she has a pp, which is transphobia.

I commented "casual transphobia 😐😐😐" , and the creator made another video (ill show it in a reblog bc i cant add another video) which i wasnt tagged in at all, and wasnt aware it even existed untill someone in the comments tagged me and insulted me (the purole is where i reported it and it got taken down. My username wasnt blurred out at all btw. They og user decided to try and defend themself by misgendering the fem person (using he pronouns) and then saying that he said that he didnt want to date the fem presenting person, which he never ever stated.

But, the thing that bothers me most, is that it all got no violation. A person has to have looked over that and said "nope, not a violation".

Thats where my letter to tiktok came in. I encourage you all to go to the report feedback page and write similar letters, because tiktok needs to knowtice this. Tiktok needs to knowtice the racism, homophobia and transphobia going on on its app