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[the-golden-comet]

Please stick to ONE TASK, brain!!

🧠: No. :)

[red-garden]

Shen Yuan needs to get something from up high, and Liu Qingge- wanting to show off- picks him up and put him on his shoulders. Unfortunately he got to feel first hand Shen Yuan’s slut waist and feel it pressing against the back of his neck. He immediately falls over and Shen Yuan assumed he trained too hard to lift anything.

[piconoodle]

oops

[tryingto-survivethis]

Happy to announce the protests at my Canadian university successfully made me, a jew, go back to where i came from. I am back in Israel now 🫶

[nikolutke]

Running around the woods. 3am. Searching for your ghost friends who have been expertly evading you thus far. Accidentally taking a bad fall and breaking your leg. Still 3am. Middle of the woods. You’re bleeding.

AND THEN your ghost friends finally come out of hiding to help you! Pretty ridiculous that it took breaking your leg & becoming stranded to convince them to show themselves, but you’re just glad to see them again. You knew they were still here.

[welcomehomeincorrectquotes]

Eddie and Frank's first date:

Eddie/Frank: *sitting together in terrified silence*

Eddie: *awkwardly* So.. um... I like your bowtie!

Frank: T-Thank you!

Julie: *whispering* Quick, Frankie, compliment him back!

Frank: *panicked* I like your back!

*five solid seconds of silence*

Eddie: *grins goofily* Aww, you do?

[thedeadtravelfast]

[typhoonboom10]

Nice weather! What conspiracies are we cooking on the menu today?

[marlynnofmany]

I'm very entertained by the fact that Tumblr currently has ad-things that pop up saying "Click this to watch a 30 second ad, then have 30 minutes of ad-free!"

But then you click on it and this happens:

...And the ads go away.

No idea what ad they were trying to show, but that was definitely worth a click. Way to break it in a good way, staff.

[malzykins]

okay! more critter

[doodleloopsy]

I mean, she did say everyone's true colors are revealed in acts of lust and what did Ody do as soon as she started flirting? crying and simping over Penelope. as far as I'm concerned, she wasn't wrong

[saphronethaleph]

The Natural One

Ric Olie looked down at the note in front of him, and then up at the gungan who'd given it to him.

 "You're sure?" he asked. "This… kriff, I don't know what to say."

 "Yousa don't have to say it," Jar Jar replied. "Mesa knows what mesa is suggestin'."

 He shook his head. "Mesa knows mesa made mistakes. Mesa… generally thinks that mesa did not make the big-nasty mistake in a way that other people did not make, because mesa does not remember anybody bein' worried about Palpatine until himsa became Emperor. Not in that way. But… mesa did it. Not anyone else."

 "Damn," Ric said. "After that, now I think I've thought too little of you, Jar Jar."

 "Yousa have not thought anything mesa has not thought about mesa self," Jar Jar declared. "And mesa… wants to make a difference. A good one, like mesa did in the grand army."

 Ric frowned a little.

 "You know, people are going to think you worked for Palpatine," he said. "He's from here, and I know he fooled everyone, but – that's what people are going to think."

 Jar Jar nodded.

 "That is why mesa made the suggestion that mesa did," he said, firmly. "Yousa has no need to be tellin' me anything. Yousa has no need to give mesa anythin'."

He looked suddenly worried. "Though, it would maybe help mesa a little if yousa got mesa the weapons of a militiagung."

 "We can do that, Jar Jar," Ric said, and realized there was no longer really any question about how he was going to answer the impassioned plea of the gungan opposite him. "And… I don't know what else to say. Thank you? Sorry?"

Jar Jar shrugged.

 "If mesa can help, mesa will be all good with that," he said.

 "How long?" Gregar Typho asked.

 "Distraction could be starting any time now," Ric replied. "It could already have started, but exactly when doesn't matter – we go at the time chop."

 He glanced back at the group of resistance fighters – two dozen commandoes, and a dozen pilots.

 The main hangar of Harte Secur was not far away, and inside lurked fourteen N-1T starfighters – significantly more advanced than the standard N-1, and fully as capable as a modern fighter like the flight-one X-wings.

 Capturing those fighters and getting them to a safe hangar on the far side of the Chomell Sector was the primary objective today. They needed independent strike fighter capability if they were going to be more than a group meeting in underground rooms and occasionally assassinating someone in the street.

 Then his comlink crackled.

 "Heyo, uh… Captain?" Jar Jar's voice said, through the link. "Mesa knows you said a distraction, but mesa… may have made a little bit of a boopjak big mistake."

 "What kind of mistake, Jar Jar?" Ric asked, already having dire thoughts about some kind of absolute, unmitigated disaster.

 Jar Jar Binks had a reputation, and it was a hard one to forget at times like this.

 "Well, mesa was assumin' that yousa wanted the distraction to still be goin' when you did whatever it is yousa is meant to be doin'," Jar Jar replied. "But mesa threw mesa first booma, and it hit one of their-sa two legged walker things, and mesa guesses that theysa did not actually see mesa booma? But the walker was shooten, and the other stormtroopers thought the walker had begun shooten them deliberately, an' they were shooten back, and then mesa had to run away from a flame-shooten trooper for a bit so mesa lost track of what was goin' on, but, uhh… there'sa no distraction any more, because the troopers all shooten each other."

 Ric stared at the comlink.

 "...all of them?" he said. "You mean all the gate guards?"

 "Not just themsa!" Jar Jar replied, clearly trying to get the whole thing explained in one go now he'd started. "Themsa, an' the white armoured guys from the barracks place too, an' all four of theirsa doopeewee landspeeder things, an'… well, mesa will simplify and say mesa doesn't think there'sa anythin' left. Sorry, Captain, mesa screwed up."

 "...I'm… sure we'll handle it," Ric decided. "Thanks, Jar Jar."

Some weeks later, Darth Vader examined a data screen.

It detailed how a single fighter had attempted to attack two Star Destroyers and their escorts on patrol out near Adelphi.

It also detailed how the Star Destroyers had somehow been persuaded to actually crash into one another, resulting in ninety-five percent total casualties, and how nobody had been entirely clear about whether the fighter had escaped or been shot down.

And, as a footnote, it said that the next place the two ships had been planning to visit had been hit by a Rebel attack that had caused significant damage – precisely because the capital ships had been missing.

 "We can take your squadron there at need, Lord Vader," his captain said.

 "No," Vader replied. "I recognize the signs of this. I want nothing to do with it."

He shook his head. "Nothing whatsoever."

[headcanonsandmore]

Frederick Wentworth is so bloody funny.

"Of course I don't care about the woman who broke my heart seven years ago. That's why I came back as a wealthy captain of the navy looking for a wife, and decided to visit the tiny part of the country she lives in. No, of course I don't care that her family doesn't ever seem to notice her or care for her despite her caring for all of them. That's why I keep looking out of the corner of my eye at her during a very long walk and why I insisted my sister's husband drive her back. No, no-one else seemed to notice she was tired aside from me. Yes, I did tenderly help her into the carriage but that was me doing my duty as a gentleman. No, it definitely doesn't anger me that her own family never seem to understand how wonderful, kind and capable she is. I definitely don't still love her and I definitely don't want her to be happy. I don't care, you understand? I Do Not Care-"

[phlurrii]

how do you accidentally get a psychology degree? (Asking for a friend)

Go to a community college to causally finish off your GE’s and pre-requisite classes while doing art courses for fun to transfer, then get told by you counselor you accidentally meant the requirements for a 2 year psych associates degree apparently ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[steelthroat]

The Autobot high command: Optimus, you were supposed to spy on the Decepticons, not play-fight with them, frag them, and then give them sex-ed classes and improve their morale

Optimus: I'm single-handedly ending the war.You don't get to complain about the way I choose to do so.

[incorrect-tmnt2012-quotes]

Raph, about Mona Lisa: She's a 10, but she's wearing armor and carrying a sword. Raph: So she's a 15. Raph: I think I'm doing this wrong.