#[ learned!!! and have Been learning to be kinder to myself

[spaceratprodigy]

🎉 [ Art from 2022-2023 ] 🎉

Happy Birthday to my most favorite person in the world, the love of my life 🖤

I still can't believe this'll make our 10th year of being best friends and even more I can't believe we get to celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer 💖💕

Commission Info | Ko-Fi | My Links

[newtafterdark]

Things are still rough on my end, but I'm doing my best to balance everything out.

I'm cooking small meals for myself, I tend to my plants, I play video games with my friends (minigolf is real fun!), am sorting out things in my apartment that I didn't touch for years, will start playing DnD with a buncha friends... and my demiromantic ass is slowly learning how to deal with my first proper crush since 2015.

It's the small nice things that make it all work for me and I am happy about that at least.

I'm also taking a small break from art, writing and all that. Mainly because I'm sadly too drained to be creative. But when the energy comes back, you'll see some things from me again.

I'll most likely also pause blogging on here for just a small bit. Just to collect my energy and braincells in general once more.

[robyn-goodfellowe]

weird cuz i’m not really happy with the quality of twtt anymore but i am content. i don’t feel compelled to go at it until it’s perfect like i do with everything else like it’s imperfections feel like a part of it

[andromerot]

need a support group for girls who were told their interests were stupid and to talk about other things so much during their childhood and preadolescence they now cannot even mention something they're interested in without feeling deeply intrusive and annoying

[isekyaaa]

this kinda turned into vent, so if you dont feel like it just ignore it!

I absolutely love your k*avetham analysis because same. I just realised this, but extremely reminds me of a friend that just doesn't get better. It's been 8 years and not only they haven't improved AT ALL, but I would also argue it's gotten worse. And it's frustrating because you've been there, tried to support them through bad times, but then you get the same rant for 124124 time and you realize that even with all the help they've been receiving, their situation hasn't improved by one bit. And you wonder, is it the fault of friends/family/psychologists not being enough, or are they a problem?

And Kaveh has been getting help! He had a lot of projects lined up, nearly all of Sumeru loves him, but you cannot be stuck in the toxic mentality forever. Alhaitham was friends with a boy that was so guilt-ridden that he was willing to sacrifice himself to get rid of it, and several years later he is still at that stage. You cannot help a person that doesn't want to be helped, and Alhaitham is not even a person who would hold your hand to resolve your issues. He would be supporting you from behind, waiting to catch you when you stumble but leaving you to it. And he has been doing that! But no wonder he's sometimes snippy at Kaveh when he's always getting dragged into his problems.

fejiwoafjiew I wrote a whole rant response to this and then tumblr ended up crashing OTL But you get me, anon!!!! It's tough, right? Seeing someone put themselves through that. And no matter how much you try to help, they just won't get better. And I will be honest with you. In my opinion, it's them that's the problem, not the people around them. They truly do not want to get better because of the responsibility that comes with it. It's just easier to suffer.

It just really sucks to see as a whole. Like look at Kaveh. He's caring, responsible, dutiful, talented, friendly, creative, opinionated, driven, ethical, self-sacrificing, etc etc etc. He has so many genuinely good traits. And yet how do the people close him know him? Someone that is chronically unhappy and complaining constantly. People like him become a self-fulfilling prophecy through self-sabotage. They push away any support they get because they can't see the big picture. It's just frustratingly sad.

I know this would never happen in game, but I just want Kaveh to leave Sumeru for a bit. He needs to just start anew. Maybe move to Mondstadt. Let the culture there engulf him in love and care. Let Venti listen to his problems a bit. Idk. Mentally my solution for any troubled soul is to move to Mondstadt HAHA. And then maybe after he gets better, he can then move back and be more resilient and just... happier.

[tastyflowers]

man, therapy is such a trip.

[skxrbrand]

300+ hours in Warhammer (600+ total between all 3 games), and 80% of that time is just me ogling the models

[pirateborn-a]

     thinks ab love as strength thinks about love as strength and how roger loves Life and his friends So so much and how it drives him and how he truly believes in love without question and how that in turn inspires the same kind of devotion and---

[noxtivagus]

bro i just want to sit n think of stories ( i got off-topic in tags but oh my god i really just want to write again.. SO MUCH WORDS N THOUGHTS N IDEAS IN MY HEAD HFLKASJDFS ><; )

[marshmellowtea]

“minorities should not be expected to coddle their oppressors”, “people often get angry and exhausted from having to answer the same questions over and over again”, and “minorities are allowed to be angry about their oppression” AND “you shouldn’t be overly nasty to people who are genuinely trying to ask questions about things they don’t understand”, “privilege can blind people to experiences that may seem obvious to you so sometimes well meaning people are going to ask questions you think are stupid or obvious”, and “people tend not to want to listen to people who they feel are shouting at them for no reason” are all true statements and yet trying to take all of them into account feels like an impossible balancing act most of the time

[ruthytwoshakes]

I've been trapped in a cycle of pain since I was young, but recently it's been getting worse. I have 1 week of pain, 1 week of recovery, and only 2 weeks where I feel not terrible. And if I'm not able to recover than those 2 weeks turn into a couple days, rest are pain filled. I talk about my sensory issues and mental disabilities, but I don't think I've ever talked about this before. It scares me and I'd rather not acknowledge it.

You'd think I would be able to develop coping strategies, but I've never had any help or direction, live in an environment with many limitations and roadblocks, and I'm terrible at recognizing my own limits. And then the added guilt, aka internalized ableism, of even needing those coping strategies in the first place. So I'm just barely hanging on tbh.

I'm starting a new treatment today that will hopefully help, it so happens to coincide with the start of a new pain week. hooray. im in agony. But this might help with future weeks so I'm staying as hopeful as I can.

Why am I saying all this? I guess I owe people an explanation as to why I never finish any of my big projects. People who have been following for a while know that I start something huge and then drop it, and this is why. I desperately want to, but it kills me to do anything more than concept art and one-offs. I feel terrible for everybody who I've let down, so I'm gonna be honest from here on out.

I wont be finishing any big projects. Not until I move out and get more accommodations and (hopefully) a surgery to remove the organ causing me pain. I will work on whatever I have the energy for, but I can't promise anything. Feel free to request projects for me to work on! Motivation helps me work on them lol.

I really appreciate the love and community I've found here, it means so much to me. Helped me get through the tough times, and I wouldn't be where I am now as an artist without everybody's kind words and support. I love the tf2 community so much, everybody is so kind and creative. I can't wait to move out into a better environment where I'll finally be able to work on all my big projects. It's one of the big things motivating me to keep on going. I hope in the future that I'll be able to live off of art as my full time job! I physically and mentally can't do anything else lmao. Maybe I'll start a patreon, open commissions, I'm not sure yet.

Whatever the future holds, I know my place will be in the tf2 community. I have big plans guys, just bare with me for the next 3 years <3

Thanks so much, as always, and I'll be back in a week <3 -Ruth

[ioannemos]

Footsteps Without a sound I'm coming home to you Snowfall Blankets the ground It covers the ugly truth Things that we hide from view

I get tired around this time I blame it on the cold daylight Bring your arms around me fast Warm my bones and fill my glass God, I hope this year's better than The last

A candle Burns in a choir Held with a righteous hand And I'm reminded Of a silent night All for a broken man One I don't understand

I get tired around this time But I will try to make things right Bring your arms around me fast Warm my bones and fill my glass God, I hope we'll be better than The past

I wake up around this time Your sweet face will fill my eyes Wrap me up and hold me fast Carry on and don't look back God, I hope this year's better than The last

[phoebe-ofthe-cosmos]

something i've been doing recently is trying to think of myself through the eyes of my hypothetical future child. how do i want them to see me? what habits and behaviors do i want them to have, that i can demonstrate for them? and it's simple stuff like being on my phone less, reading more, being more intentional with cooking and exercise and my hobbies, talking about other people with more kindness. but thinking of myself through this lens is helping me change my own habits in a positive way and i think i'm beginning to like myself more because of it

[fatuismooches]

More Dottore and Fragile Reader voice lines, except it's your turn this time. A part two to this. Previous voice lines are here.

About Prime Dottore:

"Zandik. My one and only… words cannot express my tenderness and love toward him. I refuse to forget any moment I've spent with him. Not once has he given up on me, despite the times I’ve given up on myself. And he has always taken care of me, not once faltering in over four hundred years. I- I don’t know what to do sometimes when faced with that information. I wish I could be… less of a burden on him…”

About Omega:

"Omega, huh... he is the only segment where I always spend time with completely alone. See, he's not prone to sharing, just like Prime. I don't mind much, honestly, it's nice to get away from all of the noise and be with him. He always coaxes me to be more selfish too... is it a good or bad thing he's influencing me?"

About Alpha:

"Yes, the grumpy cutie I met all those years ago, the start of it all. He says that my presence is a hindrance and it only disrupts his work, but we both know that's false. Often, I like to sit by him as he writes his notes, pointing out all the errors caused by the atrocity of his handwriting... Sometimes, I feel bad using him as a reminder of the past."

About Beta:

"It always baffles me that Beta was once how Dottore acted. I mean, have you seen the difference between 'Mega and Beta? Anyway... he's always such a fun segment to hang around! Even when his assistants cower behind me in fear! Oh, and whenever he goes 'he-he-ho-ho', it always makes me giggle. Please don't tell him I did that impression of him though."

About Delta:

"Oh, Delta's... pretty mean. A really big meanie, if I do say so myself. He never laughs, never smiles, never entertains my shenanigans, always sees right through me... so rude. Huh? Don't worry about me, I'm allowed to talk about him like this. I still love him, after all."

About Zeta:

"Zeta's always so elusive! It was such a pain to track him down at first, he was always avoiding me. I thought he hated me... but once I got a hold of him, he is always so attentive to me! However, it greatly saddens me that he thinks he "failed" me... and yet he doesn't know how much it hurts me more that I've caused him to be like this."

About Zandy:

"Have you met my son? He's the sweetest little thing, isn't he? I remember how shy he was in the beginning, but he quickly grew to be such a dear. Always so excited and eager for attention. I can't help but wonder if Dottore's life could have been different if more people were kinder to him as a child."

About Pierro:

"I will always be indebted to him and Her Highness for taking me in. He is pretty scary to be around, but I feel sort of bad for him. I can't imagine how much responsibility he has... I once promised him I'd work for the Fatui once I'm better, but he didn't react much. Hmph, I'll show him how much I can boost Dottore's efficiency!"

About Capitano:

"The only thing I really know about him is that he's incredibly strong and well respected, at least from other people. The single time I met him, I also learned he was quite well liked by animals too, but it's hard to get any more information when he's so quiet..."

About Columbina:

"Bina is the best friend I've always wanted. I'm glad she's always there for me whenever things go bad. Although I can never predict what she's going to do or say, which is pretty strange, considering who I'm with, that makes her company all the more fun. Still, the amount of embarrassing situations she's tricked me into with Dottore... makes my head hurt."

About Arlecchino:

"I wish we could be closer, but I don't think it'll ever happen. I can't really blame her though, the relationship between her and Dottore is... not the greatest, for reasons I understand. I wonder what she thinks of me, the person who still stands by his side despite his sins?"

About Pulcinella:

"Oh... the little grandpa? I've always wondered how he's the fifth rank, but there's probably more to it than I know. Regardless, I didn't expect him to be so kind to me. I only see him once in a while, but every time he seems to know how I'm doing. And then, he proceeds to give me the best advice, exactly what I needed to hear at that moment, even when it has to do with Dottore. It's kind of scary..."

About Scaramouche:

"Ah yes... the Balladeer. He always wants to start up something with me whenever we cross paths, which is why my patience runs very thin around him. I hope the next time he goes into the Abyss, he gets stuck there."

About Wanderer:

"Who?"

About Sandrone:

"Her research sounds so cool! I've seen some of the things she can create, and it's completely fascinating. I too once had a love for machines back when I was a student. It's just a shame she never comes out of her lab... there are never any chances for me to talk with her. Well, I can always talk with Alpha and Beta about their research at least."

About La Signora:

"I've barely ever seen or spoken to her, but she has my respect. I heard what happened to her husband. If I ever lost Dottore, I'm not sure if I'd be able to go on... or at least be as half as strong as she is."

About Pantalone:

"Oh, Lone's one of my good friends! He always has such unique ideas for me to get back at Dottore, and listening to him talk about his theories quite reminds me of listening to Dottore. He's helped me a lot, dealing with this man. Still... as he does with everyone, I'm kept at arm's length. It doesn't bother me, but I wish I could help him in some way. But I know that'll never be possible."

About Childe:

"Despite being a Harbinger, he's a lot nicer than you'd think. Well, especially compared to the others in the Fatui. He's great at conversation, his family is the sweetest... and he always promises to spar with me once I'm no longer sick. Truly great company. Too bad Dottore's attitude toward him is... less than favorable."

About Furina:

"At first I hated her just like all the other Gods, but after learning the truth, I can't help but greatly respect her. To take on such a burden without having a single shoulder to lean on and succeed in the end... I think I've been through a lot of pain, but at least I've had Dottore and the others to ease it even just a bit. But she had no one, and I admire her will."

About Nahida:

"I try not to waste my time on things that upset me. It's not good for my health."

Sprint Start:

"No, no, I am not running at all. Look, if I get hurt and Dottore finds out it was your fault, you'll be the ones strapped to the table, not me. Hey... I wouldn't mind being in that position, actually."

Chat - Worry:

"I hope that one day he can make peace with himself."

Chat - Old Times:

"Sometimes I wish I was just a simple student again, having no worries other than my grades and pulling all-nighters with Dottore. Actually, that doesn't really sound relaxing, does it?"

Chat - Idling:

"If you're just going to stand here doing nothing, then I'm going to take a seat over there."

When it Snows:

"Would you be willing to distract Dottie so I can chuck a snowball at him? No? How boring."

When the Sun is Out:

"It's a perfect day to have a picnic and listen to him rant again."

In the Desert:

"... Omega, Beta, Delta, I don't care which one of you does it, get over here and make your hands completely ice cold before I faint."

Something to Share - Talent:

"If you ever need help writing something, you can ask me. I wrote some pretty good essays back in the day, you know. Dottore once said I should even write a book! I thought he was bullying me, but he was actually serious, for some reason. Maybe I should get Zandy to draw some pictures?"

Something to Share - Secret:

"Dottore actually has quite a sweet tooth. Well, this probably isn't much of a secret anymore because I accidentally spilled it to the agents, but it would do you good to keep this in mind."

Interesting Things - Foxttore:

"This little guy here? He'll do you no harm unless I say so, so don't worry. He was one of Dottie's failed experiments roaming the lab until he gifted the creature to me! These pufflings too, surprisingly they help me a lot more than you'd think. They're pretty strong, carrying all my things."

Favorite Pastimes - Meals:

"It's time to eat already? No need to worry about me, I'll just wait for a segment. See, it's best for both of us if I have company while I eat. My hands... aren't the most reliable."

Troubles:

"I am very happy that they have a good place to conduct all the research they want, but I wish they paid some more attention to me sometimes. Voicing this complaint over and over again, however, is too exhausting."

Amusement:

"Dottore's fan club never ceases to amuse me. I know every Harbinger has one but... it's completely hilarious. To go so far as creating a handbook about the two of us... well, I appreciate the dedication and the laughs, especially when I update Dottore on their activities. He may not care, but I support them!"

[adragonsfriend]

Use this one trick to instantly fix all childhood trauma (Jedi Masters don’t want you to know this)!!!!!

That is what every “if Obi-Wan had just— *adds one extra scene to canon* —then Anakin would’ve had perfect mental health and never listened to Palpatine at all,” sounds like to me. Look I am not an expert on any kind of psychology at all let alone early childhood development but,

It is possible to do your very best to help or raise someone and still have bad or imperfect outcomes, especially when you have someone actively, secretly working against you (cough cough Sith Lord of the month cough), (for many reasons, but in this case particularly), because unravelling the mindset built in early childhood is hard, actually.

Coming at this from the “raised in a safe and loving environment” side of things, it took me years to figure out and internalize that my friends whose parents weren’t as great as mine were functioning in an entirely different landscape when it came to their interactions with adults.

Many years ago when I was in middle school a friend (acquaintance? idk I think most people thought I was annoying) told me that her ankle kept giving out and causing her pain. I asked if she'd told her parents so she could rest or go to the doctor. She told me she had, but her mother either hadn't listened or refused to help. My (approximate) responses?

"So it's not actually that bad then?"

"You should tell her again."

"Are you sure you explained it right?"

The only explanation I could comprehend at the time was that there must have been some unclear communication about the situation or its severity--if her mother had understood she was in pain, she couldn't possibly have just not done anything about it? Adults are responsible, caring, etcetera! They wouldn't do that?!

With more experience, I've come to understand better, and learned to respond in kinder, more helpful ways, but the shift in mindset was not and is not intuitive.

And I had the luxury of figuring all that out whilst being safe myself. Coming from the other direction, being in danger and trying to figure out why other people act like the world is safe? I can't say for sure, but I imagine it’s a lot more complicated.

Point with regard to Star Wars being, it really is harder for Anakin, coming in later, to acclimate to the Jedi ways and thought processes than it is for his peers who grew up in the safe environment of the Temple. And whatever arguments people want to have about how much psychology and therapy exist in the Star Wars universe, or how much “Jedi just do cognitive behavioral therapy” (not totally inaccurate, but reductive on several levels), no matter what the answers to those questions, it will still be harder for Anakin.

There is a reason the council changes its mind on training him only after he is suddenly famous and the Sith are proven to be back. When Anakin was not in significant danger of being snatched up by someone else, it was genuinely probably the easier and safer option—for him and everyone else—for him to live a different life.

The Jedi are not necessarily fully prepared for a child with Anakin's history, and, there is nothing bad about living an ordinary life. Anakin would not have been somehow unforgivably robbed by living life as a mechanic or an engineer or something, rather than being a Jedi.

Anakin is a victim of many things in his life—Sidious, Watto, Gardulla, Tatooine’s everything, his own conscious choices—but he is not a victim of malice, incompetence, or idiocy by the Jedi just because they couldn't—in only a decade or so—help him fully and perfectly unravel the mindset he developed in his early childhood. If there was any lack of qualification on their part, it was one they were aware of—but which was outweighed by the danger of little Anakin getting kidnapped out of normal-kid elementary school.

Being brought up in and around slavery absolutely made him more vulnerable to Sidous and became the basis of their dynamic as master and apprentice. Acting like the trauma that affects his mindset and actions for his entire life can be obliterated just by making minimal changes to the plot is wild to me.

And don’t get me wrong, fics and headcanons can do whatever they want, not everyone wants or is trying to write a deep psychological character study (also fanfic and even fiction in general cannot and should not be held to any standard of realism if it's not serving the story and the author)—simple fix-it’s (my love) are fun and an excellent short-cut to other things like happiness and fluff (my other loves)—but don’t act serious about the idea that adding one conversation about his feelings or one extra explanation about Jedi philosophy would automatically lead to Anakin having perfect mental health outcomes and always making good decisions.

Disclaimer (if the ones throughout weren't enough) : please go forth and do whatever you want. the moral of this post is actually just that (1) you won’t convince me, (2) I wanted to talk about this, (3) the clickbait title was too funny not to post, (4) i literally can't open my mouth without phrasing things like i'm in the middle of a heated debate, and (5) i continue to not be an expert in early childhood development—my evidence is very literally anecdotal