#<- thing that genuinely causes me so much distress HOW ARE PEOPLE JUST ABLE TO TALK IN BIG GROUPS WTF

[tofufei]

i ❤ my friends

[genderqueerdykes]

apologies if this is not the place to do so, but I need to talk about being biracial. I deal with a sort of anti-whiteness where I feel genuinely disgusting for not being just black. I feel like a traitor to the black community for having white heritage too and have thought about darkening my skin to hide the traces of a part of me I wish wasn't there. It's like. A sort of racial dysphoria and I don't feel like an adequate black person. It gets really distressing sometimes when I remember my skintone is caused by partial whiteness. Have you ever dealt with this too? I know it isn't an experience unique to me to feel not POC 'enough', but it gets so intense for me that I resent the people responsible for my birth.

i do get where you're coming from, and this is an okay thing to vent about

the unfortunate thing about being mixed race is that there will be people on both sides that will be upset with you- you will encounter white folk who find you too black, and black folk who find you too white. colorism is a big problem and comes from both ends of the spectrum. unfortunately, for whatever reason, interracial relationships and biracial children can really set people off and it's not exclusive to white people. i have unfortunately seen other black folk absolutely tear into mixed black people, especially if they're light skinned. i think what happens is folks start seeing you as a white person masquerading as something you're not, when it couldn't be farther from the truth.

one of my friends for the longest time was white and afro-latino (honduran), and his own family and friends would tell him that he was basically only a white person, despite the fact that his skin was light brown, he had an afro, black facial features, and a black dad who had no white relatives. he himself literally told me that he viewed himself as entirely white because he wasn't "black enough". i felt so sad and angry for him but i didn't know how to word it at the time. i wanted him to be able to be proud of all of the parts of himself, but instead, literally his own friends and family were berating him telling him he wasn't black enough to be proud of that part of himself. every time he told me that he was "too white" to consider himself black, i just wanted to cry. he used to ask me to massage his scalp and help trim his hair. i remember how beautiful his afro was, he took very good care of his hair. he had so much to be proud of and people guilted him out of it.

i feel this as well, i have a hard time wanting to consider myself a person of color at all because folks focus so hard on skin tone. the thing is, when people are biracial, they can look like ANY possible combination of traits from their parents and relatives. sometimes, an interracial black and white couple will have children that look entirely black or entirely white. my neighbor is an older white woman whose current partner is black, and they have a black son. if i didn't know she was white, i wouldve assumed her son had 2 black parents. he doesn't look mixed in the slightest

i have more white in me than i do black, as my father was also mixed, so its hard for me to speak with confidence about this part of myself without feeling like i'll be judged, especially considering that i have not been in the same room as my father in over a decade, and before that, i was not allowed to see him for years due to my parents having a nasty divorce. it took until i was going through a photo album at my sister's house that i saw my dad again for the first time in years and realized he was not white. when i had asked my mom if my dad was black as a child, she told me no and that he "just has a white guy afro".

i went through a lot of gaslighting about being mixed, and i still do. people focus only on my skin tone, and especially how light my face is. it makes me super hesitant to speak about this part of myself, even though i've met other extremely light skinned mixed people. another friend of mine is mixed white/Mexican and he was even more pale than me. he was constantly profiled as just white, but when he would go home at night, his Mexican mother only spoke spanish to him, and he spoke it back just fine. whenever people looked at him they assumed he was 100% white and it really opened my eyes to how diverse mixed people can and do look.

sorry for such a long response, but i just wanted to say that i feel you. it's hard. there's pressure on all sides. there will be white people and black people alike that will feel like you're a "traitor", as if you controlled the people who made you. you had no hand in who gave life to you- these are factors beyond your control, and you don't deserve to feel like an outcast and like you're doing something wrong

you can't control your genetics, nor can you predict what genetics someone has just by looking at them. i'm sorry youve been made to feel this way, but i hope it gets easier for you. i know it's tough to feel like an outcast or a bother on all sides. you shouldn't have to feel like you're stepping on someone's toes just because you were born mixed. you deserve to live a life where you are proud of who you are. i hope things get a bit easier for you soon

[lon3rlife]

Panic attack

Rick Sanchez x Reader

My anxiety has really been kicking my ass lately. I’m going to try write this attempting to display how a panic attack feels to the best of my ability. Enjoy <3333

“Oh mann this is going to be the craziest party ever! I-I’m gonna get so fucking wasted-oh shitt this is going to be great. We’re going to party all god damn night.” Rick says rambling on about the crazy alien party you guys are going to. Rick has been talking about it for weeks saying that it’s pretty much a party that happens once a year on another planet where the whole planet parties and it’s supposed to be a lot of fun.

“Mhm yeah.” You say trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible.

Walking the streets of a whole different planet is usually not too triggering for your anxiety since you and Rick have been going on adventures together for quite some time, but tonight feels different. Your heart rate is speeding up and your thoughts are racing, but you try your best to try to stay present in the moment instead of ruminating on your bodily sensations.

You guys arrive at the party and you try to have some fun and relax a bit. You cling by Rick, who is having a wonderful time drinking and attempting to show off some of his “dance moves.” Maybe this time you were able to control your anxiety, maybe you can enjoy yourself for once.

“Shitt I need another drink, wanna go hit up the bar again?” Rick slurs out

As you guys are waiting for drinks at the bar things become way to much out of nowhere. Your heart rate picks up faster than before, your lungs feeling like they’re lacking oxygen causing you to hyperventilate trying to catch your breath, you feel so disconnected from your surroundings you don’t even know how you got here.

“Rick I need to get out of here now.” You say tugging on his lab coat

“Shitt this drink is as big as my head oh damnn, you should’ve gotten one this is fucking crazy.” Rick says still leaned over the bar counter not turning to notice your distress.

The world is slipping away. You have no clue what to do, it’s too late to attempt to take some deep breaths and calm down. You can’t even get a normal breath in.

“Rick seriously we need to go.” You say more urgently as tug on his lab coat again.

He finally turns around and sees you on the verge of tears, gasping for air.

“Rick I actually think I’m dying.” You choke out through shaky breaths

“Sweetheart I see people die daily I promise you you’re not dying.” He says with genuine concern. “Follow me.” He says leaving his drink at the counter.

You try following him out of the bar. The world is moving so fast yet so slow. You don’t know where you are, your legs feel like they’re about to give out from your shaking, and you’re leaning on any wall you can find to try to catch your breath.

“Let’s go home.” He finally says once he finds a quiet place to actually be able to hear each other talk.

“No you’re having fun I can’t ruin this for you, just portal me home and I’ll be fine. Go party I’ll be fine at home I promise.” You say, breath still shaking. You at least feel a little less overwhelmed being away from the music.

“This is more important, let’s get you home and we can watch a movie or something to get you to relax. I can party any time I want. And right now I want to make sure you’re okay.” He says with his arm wrapped around you keeping you close as he fumbles around in his coat pockets to get his portal gun.

You guys walk through the portal into his garage. The second you walk in you feel a weight get lifted off your chest. The familiarity of the place puts you at ease.

“Everyone’s asleep we can relax on the couch if you want.”

“That sounds nice.” You say as he softly holds your hand and guides you to the couch.

On the couch you lay on his chest as he softly runs his fingers through your hair.

“I’m sorry I made you have to leave.” You apologize still feeling guilty.

“Baby don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault at all, even though you had this panic attack you were still able to notice your symptoms and that’s a start. I’m so proud of you, and just know if you ever feel anxious please let me know and don’t feel bad about it.”

You’ve never seen him be so soft and genuine before. As he talks to you, you feel your eyes get heavy and due to the adrenaline rush of the panic attack you get tired enough to fall asleep.

You wake up the next morning on the couch with Rick’s arms wrapped around you sleeping peacefully, with his face nuzzled into your hair. You feel much more at ease and calm and feel so lucky to have Rick there to support you during your scariest moments. <3

[drdemonprince]

Can we really expand our window of tolerance as autistic people? I’ve been working on that kind of thing for so long and I can’t tell if I’ve made any genuine progress or if I’ve just unconsciously doubled down on masking :(

We can! But our expanded distress tolerance can't come out of nowhere. Something has to give. So for example, for me, I have way fewer sensory issues these days than I used to have, by a wide margin, and I have significantly less social anxiety and don't need much social recharge time on the level that I used to. I have more distress tolerance for sensory input and for social stressors now than I ever have before -- but this has required lifestyle changes and unmasking in order to get there. Let me break down both these improvements and how they happened:

Even as recently as a year ago, I would have terrible sensory meltdowns on a regular basis. But I haven't had a single sensory meltdown in months, maybe not even a single one for the entirety of 2023 so far? And that's because I have a) cut out caffeine, dramatically reducing my physiological stress levels, b) cut back on some workplace stress by reducing my commitments, c) stopped taking on additional projects outside of work that I didn't want to do and that only caused me stress (workshops and talks), and d) began working from home far more consistently, and made myself a wfh office that is more comfortable.

Now I operate from a really solid base of sensory comfort most days and I'm not overloaded with information or overwhelmed with obligations. This means I am far more tolerant of screaming people on the bus, the upstairs toddler slamming her feet on the floor, ambulances blaring by, noisy concerts, people bumping into me at the bar, etc.

I also am, for the first time in my life, clear-headed enough to recognize when I am starting to experience sensory distress, and can intentionally put on sunglasses or pop in ear plugs or remove myself from an upsetting situation more quickly. I had to experience what being relaxed and not overstimulated felt like, and get accustomed to living that way, in order to recognize subtler signs that I was feeling shitty and take steps to address those small annoyances before they exploded. I can handle a lot "more" in an intentional way now because I built my life to allow "less." My overall distress tolerance has still expanded -- but it's because I stopped masking and began attending to my sensory and stress regulation needs.

For the social piece, my distress tolerance has also gone up due to unmasking. If I was still motivated by passing as NT or being socially acceptable all the time, I'd be so overwhelmed being around people and worn down by every interaction. I also wouldnt be able to advocate for myself. But in the past few years I've become more and more openly weird and outspoken in my needs and true feelings, and I've recognized that the right people actually love me more when I do so and show up for me, and so being honest or even difficult to deal with is not really a threat.

This means I just don't experience much distress being honest or difficult to deal with anymore. I really can tolerate the discomfort of telling someone they're wrong or that I'm hurt without freaking out about being hurt or abandoned, because I've had a lot of good experiences with it and because I enjoy being unmasked so deeply that I just can't put my personality back in a bottle.

Masking lowers distress tolerance because it frays your nerves with stress and wears you out and bars you from ever getting to attend to and regulate your discomfort when there are signs of it happening. In order to increase your distress tolerance, you actually have to learn to better honor your discomfort early, and preventatively, so that you don't bubble over into a meltdown after days or weeks of ignoring your needs.

I think some people think distress tolerance is about becoming more tough, but it's quite the opposite. We become more resilient by getting better at recognizing and attending to our hurts.

[unhonestlymirror]

Vatņiki of the month:

I know that whenever anyone gains a bit of history knowledge, they immediately leave this fandom (because they finally realise how stupid and cruel it is) - and that's why here are mostly idiots left - nevertheless, I'm not gonna allow the number of idiots to increase. Thus:

1. This post was so cringe my phone crashed and refused to take a normal screenshot. So be it. Did you know that "BiG BrOthEr" has been killing and raping Belaruthians for centuries? Including nowadays? Did you know they burnt Polatsk with its huge library to the ground and stole our books and knowledge? And that's where many "russian" fairytales wihout an actual origin come from? Did you know about the Night of the Executed Poets? It's like Розстріляне Відродження but in Belarus. Please learn the actual history of Belarus instead of spreading stupid harmful russian propaganda. russians are rapists and mass murderers.

2. Same thing, but now posted by a roleplay Latvia account. Op, you should visit real Latvia one day, I'm actually curious how fast you're gonna end up being beaten to near-death experience.

3-4. *heavy sigh* It always amazed me how people in this fandom refuse to educate themselves, refuse to improve their knowledge based on the real world but just stick to same ideas FOR YEARS, to ideas once drawn by a crack-addicted prorussian Japanese who wasn't even able to graduate. Lithuania is such an amazing country, with an opulent history and culture - but the only thing you're interested in is... drawing russia abusing Lithuania? Why are you, guys, so addicted to genocide and violence? Why do you think mocking our national tragedies is funny and acceptable, dear artist from "China, Hong Kong"? Would you like it if somebody drew, e.g., America or India beating up your home till blood, calling your home "a kid in the basement"? I don't think so! The fact you think it's funny and totally normal to post publicly is genuinely pathetic.

Also, the fact many artists here use "russia abusing Lithuania" trope to put their OTP in the best light (usually LietPol, occasionally AmeLiet)... it's making me speechless. See, one of the countries who actually has been protecting Lithuania from russia for centuries is Ukraine - due to our geographical position and resources - nevertheless, I, as a Ukrainian, would never dare to draw Ukraine "saving poor little Lithuania from russia." Because this is REALLY offensive. In Ukraine, we know perfectly well how much suffering russia caused to others, and how many, e.g., Lithuanians died protecting their home - portraying them as Damsell in Distress means just nullifying and mocking all their sacrifices and tragedies. Once again I am convinced that only Eastern Europeans are capable of understanding this. Personally, as much as I love Lithuania, I would hate to see anyone drawing Glorious GDL saving poor little crying Ukraine from the Golden Horde - because the majority who suffered and who fought the Horde were still Ukrainians. Even if Lithuania still helped us a lot and fought with us, too. With Poland, it's even more complicated and fragile, because Poland used to kill a lot of Lithuanians and destroy their culture, and even making alliances with russia to divide my land - and even the Poland's partition by russia didn't prevent the 1920s massacres.

I hope this post will make you take a thought rather than be just offended.

[gldrushh]

SUGAR AND SIN | JK

🧁✧ ˚. TITLE: Sugar and Sin

🧁✧ ˚. PAIRING: Mafia boss! Jungkook x female oc

🧁✧ ˚. WARNINGS: Mentions of threatening behavior and emotional distress.

🧁✧ ˚. BLURB: The suited stranger keeps his promises, and Aurora isn't sure if that is supposed to be a good thing.

🧁✧ ˚. GENRE: Mafia au, grumpy x sunshine, forced proximity, slow burn, dark romance, crime/thriller.

🧁✧ ˚. TAGS: jk being a jerk part 21726 but he calls her sweetheart (derogatory), oc going through it part 56372

🧁✧ ˚. A/N: hey!! Hello! Hope you didn't forget me or this story cause I just posted part 10 on wattpad after years of being unproductive!! Who cheered 🤭🤭

🧁✧ ˚. TAG LIST: @scuzmunkie

CHAPTER 6: AURORA

Aurora wasn’t a prophet, but for the past few days, she had this unsettling hunch that the organ pumping in her chest would be the thing to take her down—maybe not by a heart attack, but something close enough.

Grim fact: Her family had no history of heart issues.

Normally, she didn't let anything or anyone burrow deep enough into her thoughts to keep her awake at 2 a.m., contemplating her life choices. Especially not with a knife stashed under her pillow, just in case those choices went south. Well, except maybe that one time when she decided to move away from home and open her own bakery. Her friends loved to call her reckless—more than she'd like to admit. It was probably the same reason her dad hovered over her, always a little too protective.

She'd be lying if she said her reckless streak hadn't played a starring role in the chaos of her life.

Now, even as the day in the bakery stretched onto a busy one- the kind she thrived on- she couldn't help thinking about the sudden absence of a certain man who carried bad mojo with him like a handbag and the letter she received days ago and safe to say, there wasn't much doubt about the sender. She should be glad, of course, that he isn't here to remind her how grateful she should be that there's not a bullet in her brain, but she was rather anxious after the envelope she received which was honestly a childish trick to pull on her neurons in her opinion.

And then there was her demand that was a further invitation for him to dwell more in her life, and she hadn't been able to think of that in the moment. So that only left her waiting and.. questioning.

Would he really help her out with the Mr Choi situation? Or was she the most naive person to think he was being genuine in his amusement and not sarcastic?

She sighed heavily like a old aged woman who had been through both wars before trying to ground herself back in the normalcy of the action of rearranging the trays of pastries that didn't sell and was gonna go up for donation in the display case, while lia checked the stock back in the kitchen.

It was a simple monotonous moment until it was not. The bell above the door chimed, causing Aurora to wonder since not many people visited in the closing hours. Yet the words came out almost automatically. "Welcome to Sunrise sweets!" Her figure still crouched down as she worked on the display.

The usual sounds of greetings and orders didn’t follow. Instead, there was a heavy, palpable silence with an energy that felt weirdly familiar. The kind that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

As she slowly straightened up to attend the odd customer, the sight in front of her had her wanting to hide back again because there stood her newest nightmare manifested in a tailored pinstripe suit that accumulated his broad and tall figure in a way that left her wondering how dild he even got through the door.

The words in that letter flashed the next thing in her mind. She should have known for him not to be the one who spewed empty threats...or promises.

For a moment, she forgot the basics to breathe as his gaze collided with hers.

He had been here before, yet that time had been a chilling dark night but now as the different colors of orange blending with blue from the sun going down the horizon illuminated the space and him, she realized how out of place he looked. She had that realization when he was sprawled across her couch, too. Just now, she had another one that it didn't matter what kind of room he was standing in. His presence will get anyone and everyone present in it to cower.

As if sensing the tension filling the air, lia peeked from the back, catching his attention for a millisecond, but that was enough to take her aback as well.

Aurora could feel her friend's confused eyes on her once she gauged how shrunken the brunette looked.

"Can we help you with something?" She asked as she appeared beside her friend, her voice steady and cautious. Clearly, she was surprised as well to see a figure like him walk up here but not horrified as her best friend who had seen him with a gun.

"No." He gave her a balant reply with a balant stare before turning his attention back to Aurora.

"We have business to discuss, Ms Beckett." She wasn't surprised to hear him say her name she never told yet the way he said he had buisness with her like he was mocking her was enough to send a chill down her spine. "Alone." He added, sparing lia another glance.

"Buisness? What is he talking about, Aurora?" Lia spoke, turning to her with confusion evident in her tone. Of course, she would be confused, surprised even. It was not every day a man in an Armani suit and tie that cost more than the space they were standing in, walked in to talk buisness.

Aurora's eyes peeked back at her friend with an uncertainty of their own. "I-uh.." Her gaze moved back and forth between her best friend and the man that seemed to look at her with an intention to bore a hole in her head.

Taking a deep breath and collecting her thoughts, she turned her back and made lia do the same, her voice intended for only her. "This.. is what I meant when I said I was exploring some options." Lia gave her a look of disbelief. "But - But you don't need to worry. He's a trusted ally even though he doesn't look like it. Everything's gonna be fine. You just need to let me have a talk with him." She hoped the blanched expression only crossed her face mentally when she said the words trusted ally and him in the same sentence.

"I'm not leaving you alone to speak to him, Aurora." She deadpanned, her voice intentionally loud enough for him to hear across the counter.

A deep exhale came from his side. Lia opened her mouth to protest further, but Aurora quickly placed a hand on her arm, squeezing it gently.

"It's fine, Lia. Really." She forced a reassuring smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. "Just give us a minute, okay?"

Lia looked unconvinced, her gaze flicking between Aurora and the man she was skeptical about, but after a tense moment, she sighed and nodded. "I'll be in the back," she said, her tone making it clear she wasn't going far.

As Lia disappeared behind the kitchen door, Aurora turned back to him, her nerves getting on edge again as she locked eyes with his.

"What buisness?" The sound was somewhat of whisper yell as if she was afraid of the walls listening but was still trying to make her point across at the same time.

He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he let his gaze drift around the bakery, taking in every detail with that calculating look that unnerved her so much. “This place—” he gestured vaguely at the bakery, “—is mine now.”

She blinked, the words not quite registering at first. “Yours?” she echoed, incredulous. “What do you mean, yours?”

"I brought it." He said - matter of fact - as if it was the most normal thing.

But to her, the words felt foreign, like they belonged in someone else’s nightmare, not hers. "You… bought it?”

"Choi is no longer your problem. Consider this… payment for your silence.” He spoke, his voice turning bitter at the latter.

Her mind raced, struggling to keep up with the situation. She should have felt relief—after all, wasn’t a resolution to her problem what she had asked for? Instead, a dread seeped into her bones.

It hit her then, like a slap she should have seen coming but didn’t. This wasn’t help. This was control. This was him sinking his claws into her world, and worse — it was her fault for letting him.

The words slipped out before she could stop it. “I didn’t ask for this.”

His expression was a puzzled one. "You asked for my help. This.." He stepped closer to the counter and reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a folded document. He placed it on the surface. "Is how I help."

Help? This was ridiculous. It wasn't a solution. Of course, Mr Choi was a nuisance, but this man was something worse than that. She didn't want something dear to her tied down to him.

But the weight of his words pressed down on her, the realization of what this meant sinking in.

"There must be a catch! Is all this really just for me to keep my mouth shut?" Her brows knitted together as she spoke.

His expression remained unreadable as he spoke, “Nothing more than what we agreed upon. And just your cooperation that I should add."

The nonchalance in his words didn't fool her. "Cooperation?"

His eyes flickered with something unreadable—dangerous, perhaps. "Keep your end of the bargain so I'll not be provoked to keep the end of my promise." She guessed what he was hinting at, and it took her everything not to choke him with a loaf down his throat.

The threat lingered in the air, a dark cloud settling over her. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. She had asked for help even if foolishly so, not for him to take over her life.

Aurora bit her lip,“You think you can just come in here, throw your money around, and claim whatever you want?”

He didn't respond, Instead fumbled a cigarette and a lighter from his pocket to lit it before he was holding it between his gloved fingers and parted lips.

She frowned deeper at the audacity of this man. "And you can't smoke here either!"

He straightened up to look at her with a detached look. Taking a whiff out of the cancer stick, he spoke."I own this place, sweetheart. I can do whatever the fuck I want. You can either accept it or fight it and see consequences you and this place won't like."

She glared at him, hating the truth in his words. Hating that she had somehow ended up in this mess. Yet all fight seemed to drain out of her. What choice did she have? She could actually act upon her urges to shove a loaf down his constantly threat spewing mouth but that wouldn’t change the fact that he did owned her bakery. And, by extension, a piece of her life.

"This-" She was cut off with brutal ignorance as he added. "You should be grateful, Ms Beckett." his eyes briefly scanning the bakery one last time before he turned to leave. "You're in better hands now."

The bell above the door chimed as he walked out, leaving her standing there with her world tilted off its axis and a stack of papers that confirmed just how deep she was in over in her head.

୨ৎ

"What was he on about?" Lia asked as she emerged from the kitchen that was in the back.

Aurora's response was a sigh before she spoke. "Do you wanna go for a drink?"

To be continued..

→Previous chapter.

[supercalime]

i totally agree with the vast majority of what you posted about shayne and courtney and fans entitlement to their private lives. i dislike that the fandom so heavily sees things through a 'shipping' lens - angela and damien look at each other for more than three seconds, so here's fourteen fics about them fucking. like it's so deranged and so so strange and fundamentally unfair for everyone involved.

it is the same when people want them all to be best friends irl so bad it causes them genuine distress when they say 'we're just co-workers who have a good time'. i understand parasocial relationships and am aware that some are closer than others (some are married i've heard lol) but if it makes you want to keel over and die to hear arasha call courtney her co-worker...genuinely seek help, that's not good for you.

as someone who came back in the buy-back era and who was a fan at the height of the defy shourtney shipping era, i think it's okay to be like 'aww in videos i always thought they had chemistry!' but the stalking, obsessive stuff is unhealthy at best and wrong at worst.

i worry now about the hyper-focus that will be put on shayne and courtney in videos, both together and apart. i think it's super brave of them to go public (also something they may have felt they had to do, given public records) and i hope that people will be able to dial in to respect them and their relationship!!

Thank you, I feel like I’m going crazy, I’m glad others agree!

Bro I can’t even IMAGINE what the “fans” are going to act now. I mean, I can, and it doesn’t look good.

Im calling it now, if the “fans” will keep an even closer look on Courtney’s body now. They will try to prove a pregnancy and I think that will be worse than what it has already been. If there’s an actual pregnancy that somehow gets announced this year, how much you wanna bet that they will use the time Amanda mentioned a smosh baby to prove they were right and knew all along?

If this weren’t Shayne and Courtney, who had to endure stalkers, harassment, unwanted sexual advances from fans, fanfics written about them, people speculate their relationship by every single interaction they had at work, I would have just gone “omg, so cool! Good for them”, but this poor couple had to hide their relationship, hide an engagement! Courtney wasn’t able to wear a goddamn engagement ring, all to protect their privacy.

Im happy for them but again, heartbroken by the fandom once again.

Anyway, all these posts, fights and interactions made me resent the channel I’ve watched for more than a decade so quickly it was actually shocking. Which fucking sucks cause smosh has never been about romantic relationships and this news shouldn’t have affected the fandom for better or for worse.

Im gonna take a step back from the company, at least for now. I’ve unsubscribed to all the channels and unfollowed everyone. I hope I can get back to watching them but for now I legit feel icky, as stupid as it sounds.

I also learned my lesson for good, never ever interact with the rest of the smosh fans, it’s almost never worth it.

[beifong-brainrot]

I watched Korra again for the Weilin but I still Don’t Get It even though I want to!!! Can you give me the rundown/pitch/Weilin 101??

Oh boy I am so sorry I made such a fuss to over weilin you felt like you needed to rewatch the show for it.

So basically, Wei and Bolin don't have many interactions in canon. In fact I would say that there are only two scenes that properly count as one on one interactions. Its also important to note that the only Beifong twin Bolin ever interacts with as a singular person rarher than a pair is Wei. He never interacts with Wing unless he is addressing both twins.

The first interaction between Bolin and Wei is during B3 when Bolin is trying and failing miserably to learn metalbending. Wei seems annoyed to be stuck with someone who doesn't know metalbending and decides to sandwich Bo between two metal plates. As you do.

He then claims that 'trial by fire' is the best way to learn metalbending. Since Wei is such a minor character, we don't know enough about him to be able to fully pinpoint where this action came from. Does Wei genuinely think that bodily harm is the best way to learn a martial art? Was he trying to distract Bolin from his constant failure to bend metal? Was this the equivalent of a puppy biting someone as an attempt to initiate playtime? Is he just a douche?

We will probably never know. Thanks nickelodeon.

Bolin does eventually return the gesture in kind, getting his own petty revenge. And hitting Wei in the head with a pebble.

I like this scene, because it showcases Bolin's pettier side. One that rarely, if ever comes out with his canon romantic interests. Bolin is a character that has a habit of reigning in his less palatable traits, in order to appeal more to the people around him. His petty and more sarcastic nature is reserved mainly for Mako, probably the person he feels most comfortable with.

I think it's a very fun thing to see this side of him flare up with this random guy and it gave me thought about how their relationship could incorporate this. Wei enjoying pressing Bolin's buttons, causing Bolin to showcase more of his more authentic self.

They so seem to both have a passion for sports and earthbending which is cute. They're both competitive which adds some nice flavour and potential spicy sparring scenes.

The next scene is the famed catch n' pat.

Youre gonna tell me this wasn't at least a bit fruity?

The prolonged eye contact? The damsel in distress imagery? Bolin's lil smirk that is soon replaced with bisexual confusiom?

Imo they have a lot of chemisrty in both these scenes and make me want more of their relationship.

I also think it would be very interesting to see Bolin develop feelings for a guy. We see that he puts his female love interests on a certain pedestal. Id assume this is due to a rather naive and innocent view of love, most likely due to the fact that he didn't get to emotionally mature enough to acknowledge that romance isn't like what the fairytales say it is.

It would be interesting to see Bolin not get to 'court' said male romantic interest like he usually does. Bolin wouldn't be as 'showmany' with a guy friend than with a girl he'd like to seduce. This causes an interesting dynamic to the relationship if Bolin were to want to seduce said guy, who has seen him with his guard down.

Also seeing comphet boy Bolin going through a crisis of sexuality because his (ex?) girlfriend's brother patted his face is very appealing to me

I think what entices me in weilin is being able to have a dynamic no other ship could fully offer Bolin. And the potential of character growth it could afford Bolin, a character whose complexity is often overlooked, much to my upset. Personally, I dislike all of Bolin's canon relationships, so when Weilin came chemistry guns a blazing I was very intrigued. And then I fell down the rabbit hole and now im here.

If you have any more questions on Weilin please feel free to ask! I'm over the moon to ramble about them to whoever will listen. Hope this was enough to start you off with.

Also, if you're interested, I have a concerningly long essay on the subject because I am very sane and normal about them:

Rest assured my feelings have since evolved and i now have more reasons to ship them.

I guess there's so much fun to have with this ship and the dynamics and stories they could have.

[sysmedsaresexist]

Question about the fear of demedicalization of plurality and your opinions on if it's a real concern or just used in fear mongering within syscourse.

I feel like like a good therapist isn't going to care if your system is real or not. They are only going to care if it's causing distress or if it is helping you.

So i'm a little confused and perhaps a little nieve on how endogenic systems are pushing towards demedicalization when the focus shouldn't be on if something is real or not, and is instead looking at how it affects you? If there is even a small number of people negatively affected, then it should still be a medical concern.

But, my opinions aside, I overall just want to know if there is legitimate concern over demedicalization, and if so, what are they, and how can people help to avert that risk without invalidating the lived experiences of endogenic systems?

As someone active in clinical circles, and with access to proper libraries,

This isn't something you need to worry about.

It was my biggest fear. I had so much anxiety around doctors being "duped" by this endogenic nonsense, and it pushed me back into my old circles to investigate.

This doesn't need a big long debunk of a response.

I promise you, doctors aren't being fooled, they're just as certain as I am that these are generally different concepts.

Obviously, there'll be people in the middle. I fucking HATE Schwartz, I don't like the way he compares CDDs and IFS. Thankfully, many other doctors feel the same way I do. It's not the same. And this is true for endogenic plurality, as well.

One of my big fears was that this would send us back into sociocognitive (fantasy) territory, but... nope. It's not happening. Instead, research has expanded to include more factors in the development of DID (biopsychosocial), without being able to account for all cases. It's recognized that the concepts only overlap in a small number of cases.

Another fear I had was that it would be brought back to transgender issues. In the general public, yes, but clinically, no! The discussion of plurality, sexuality, and gender identity are incredibly complex, it's ALWAYS been an issue for CDD systems, and the growth of endogenic systems has actually given the field a push in a very positive direction. Those who are scared to be denied transitioning, this is our ticket. We should want to support this.

In general, DID research continues on as normal. The trauma theory is only being further supported by the day, and endogenic plurality is blossoming into its own category.

I expect we'll also see a spike in specialists over the next few decades, thanks to all the limelight the topics are getting lately.

In therapy, the only change I'm seeing is a more... personal approach being used by therapists. They're a lot more willing to ask about how you identify and how you want to be referred to, what language you prefer. There's some who lean too far one way or the other, but that's always been true, back in the days of MPD-- think of the debate over final fusion vs healthy multiplicity in clinical settings.

The transition period is going to continue to be bumpy, with ideas clashing and overlapping, but I genuinely feel no fear anymore about it, and I believe it'll settle relatively quickly.

Many of the concerns are syscourse talking points that never get elaborated on. Endogenic systems are stealing language and resources, but they can't tell you what words were stolen (most of them weren't stolen) and the resource thing isn't something measurable. Endogenic systems typically don't want dissociative specialists.

Obviously, again, there are still going to be cases of truth-- one of my mods had a therapist that was a bit too plural friendly for their needs, and they had to do some educating to their therapist. I consider these cases to be part of the bumpy transition period. I acknowledge that they happen, but I recognize that it won't be long before everyone is much more educated. Their therapist will now be a much better resource for other CDD systems.

I hope this helps ❤️

[marcymeow]

Ripper stomps into the confessional, an hour or so after the first challenge was over. He does his business in the outhouse as usual, but while rubbing his head, and gritting his teeth. "Ugh. What the hell happened? What am I?" He mutters to the confessional, forlorn and waving at himself.

He'd instantly correct anybody assuming he was upset from his team losing. He's very confident he's still in, especially from the amount of weak-willed nerds on his team. He is a little upset he lost in specific, but considering the challenge was "dodge balloons from the best pitcher in Woman's Baseball," he has to be humble sometimes and say not even he can fight against Axe Hatchet. No, his distress is from something much more embarrassing. "So, here's the problem." He tries to speak to the audience directly, knowing that Chris has encouraged them all to do so at a meeting off camera. "I came here to win. I came here to crush the competition in a way that I wasn't able to last season! I was too distracted with things like records, which I've already beaten anyway! And nothing else should stop me!" "So why is-! Why-! Axel is-!" He growls, balling his fists. "Why is it so hard to talk about this?! It's muddied up in my head like fog!" "So." He tried to start over, shaking his head. "I hate Axel, yes? I hate her a lot." It was something about Axel, he knows that. The fact that he kept getting pushed around and beaten by Axel. That Axel, who he got out last season for causing his heart to beat in emotion like a crack of thunder, or like the growling of his stomach. Axel made him react, so Ripper reacted back, throwing insults at her like he did to somebody like Millie. No matter how ill-fitting of the label 'Nerd' Axel was, he'd treat her just like he'd treat them. "She's very much like me. We match brains and brawn, we're harsh, we're loners. Neither of us care about anybody but ourselves! We're destined to be rivals, to be opponents! We're enemies!" He, obliviously, smiled. Balling his fist down onto his palm, he continued. "She even tripped me up in today's challenge! I hate her."

"So..." He dropped down. "So why... Um... Ughhhhh! There's-! Something in here that I'm trying to get out but it's muddied up with everything! Why are emotions hard!" He once again grit his teeth, and continued. He's stubborn, he'll do whatever he wants no matter what! If his mind isn't letting him do what he wants, he'll just fight back against his own mind! Come on, Ripper! Take it out! That glistening little sparkle that's covered up! You are upset! And by whatever you can do, Ripper, you will say what is making you upset-! "I liked it when she pushed me down!" It flows out like a waterfall, the dam finally broken and destroying everything in its wake. "And when she tripped me during the challenge! She's so strong and confident and knows what she's doing, that she's decided that I'm a threat against her! Me, somebody whose just as strong as her, she sees me as a threat, like I deserve to be! Being hit, being attacked and pushed down by her, it's me being kicked down and shown who I am! Somebody who's strong enough to matter, that she's strong enough to actually hurt me! And..." ...He crumpled, after everything he bottled up hits him. He looks at the camera. "...I'm not supposed to care about other people. I'm Ripper, the strongest kid in the school, the one whose beaten the record for the longest continuous fart! I'm great! I'm a king! I'm not supposed to be a... lovestruck dweeb." "But I am, now. I see Axel, and I want her to hit me, to show me how much of a badass she is. I wanna be hurt by her, and then make out with her. I'm swooning over a zombie survivalist for gods sake! I'm not nearly as much of a man as I thought I was..." He sighs, and gets up. He likes Axel. He has a crush on her, on the girl who, as far as he can tell, actually genuinely dislikes him. Oh, he'd love to have a girl swoon over him and for him to date her. But this isn't that. This is him getting blushy over a girl because she beats him up sometimes. He's starting to actually care. He exits the confessional, with mixed feelings on if he actually wanted to unearth that buried realization. Well... It's too late now. He knows that he's into her now. The only question is... What now?

[hyperlexichypatia]

Y'know, one thing I honestly struggle a lot with as a disabled person is like... with certain things I experience, where do I draw the line between "there is a very literal physical set of phenomena occurring in my neurological and related bodily systems that is responsible for my experience of these physical and emotional/mental events" and "these events are being influenced or caused by external stimuli, often related to class dynamics and oppression" and even "said class dynamics and oppression are responsible for much of said physical phenonena within my bodily systems, as they are simply an interaction/reaction to said external stimuli".

To me, it's like the nuance between how "choice feminism" is used to shut down very genuine real critiques of misogyny and patriarchal beauty standards (which are so deeply rooted in racism and white supremacism), but have also been misused to ironically deny women any autonomy whatsoever, rather than striking a balance with "these systems are fucked, much of this stems from a place of coercion and misogyny, and not acknowledging that can feed into it, but as a marginalized class within that system women (and gender minorities in general) do still have the right to decide how they want to respond to that and informed consent still does matter" if that makes sense?

I feel like I'm not able to exactly address the root of the issue for myself with disability but I think it has some to do with the social model of disability, some to do with the way cartesian dualism has been used to divide the disabled community, and some to do with how I am both anti-psych and anti-phys (the institutions including the biased science as it currently exists, not say, medication or treatment).

It's like... okay I tend to look at my own disability through a mixed medical-social lens. In a "perfect" world, neither medical knowledge nor treatment would be gatekept. I'd be able to get medication for things like what are now labeled ADHD, POTS, and MCAS, including getting compounded medication without having to have an official diagnosis of MCAS (seriously, who does it hurt other than insurance company bottom lines to just make a med without corn or milk sugars/proteins or dyes as filler ingredients -_-).

I would still, however, be disabled. I do understand that that is covered under the social model's definition of "impairment", but I also take issue with the relabeling of disability. It seems oddly euphemistic in the same way that "differently abled" does - defining disability itself as only the social access barriers that cause people to be unable to live a satisfying, fulfilling life including with "impairments", to me ignores the reality of those of us with more severe symptoms and higher support needs.

As I saw someone say so well, "chronic pain is still gonna hurt." But it's also that the pain itself is still going to significantly impact my quality of life, even with full access to treatment and meds. My symptoms are still a physical reality within my body, causing distress and dysfunction, and disabling my ability to engage in certain activities - not just "impairing" said ability. It still would have a significant negative affect in my quality of life, outside of my control. And here I am referring to activities in again, a "perfect" world, where the only reason to do them is out of pure, uncoerced and uninfluenced desire.

There's also the way that rather than actually depathologizing what we label as mental illness, its ability to be profoundly disabling and its very nature as occurring physically for whatever reason has been ignored in order to be neuroableist and sanist against neurodisabled people.

I am firmly for self-labeling, and firmly against the forced labeling of any trait as "abnormal" and "unhealthy". I do think even for self-labeling, it's important to question the premise behind many labels and explore more deeply what you are actually using said labels to mean.

I have talked at length about what "demedicalizing DID", as an example, actually entails, and how it actually increases access to resources and treatment for those that want to pursue those things.

The labels themselves are social, even if they are categorizations for material experiences in many cases. The line gets blurrier with psychiatric labels, as the experience is essentially an internal abstraction of physical phenomena, and the categories themselves are significantly more arbitrary without that solidly material basis.

"Trauma" is used as a label to essentially put the onus of class oppression on marginalized people. Things like "dopamine" and "seratonin" at this point are little more than neurochemically-named horoscopes, in a discipline I already refer to as "the astrology to neurology's astronomy" - and noting here, that neurology and medicine in general are still themselves more partially social than the significantly more mathematical discipline of physics I compare them to.

I also have a reactivity to things that I perceive (or misperceive) as divorcing "mental illness" or "neurodivergence" from any kind of physical basis. It's why I think I was initially confused about your use of "pathologization" - my own bias causing me to struggle to see the difference between what ultimately are very clearly different understandings.

It was, "We should question the categorization of certain experiences as innately pathological, meaning abnormal, unhealthy, and to be suppressed," versus "Mental illnesses are diseases of an abstracted mindsoul, with no physical basis, and can therefore be 'overcome' with a minimum of effort and can never be profoundly or physically disabling".

Which, to be clear, I didn't at all think you were saying the latter. More that I struggled to recognize the former because I had not yet divorced "physical experience" from "specific pathologizing label" in my head, and ironically seeing it laid out so clearly threw such a wrench in that existing perception that I had to go in and decouple/detangle the two to get things going again.

Really, though, it seems it's once again about informed consent in a society where "choice" is so deeply and insidiously influenced by prevailing hegemonic attitudes. It's "if you're going to label yourself disordered, it is still good to question the very premise of that label".

In a world with no access barriers and oppression, I would still have some of the same physical experiences I have now. With unrestricted access to medical treatments that directly interface and alter my biochemical processes, I would still likely not be without what we now label as "symptoms". Certainly, assuming I grew up in that world, "trauma" might very well be an unrecognizable concept as to what it is considered in our reality - assuming it even existed in any meaningful way at all.

I guess it's just - where is that balance between acknowledging the extreme influence of current societal norms and ideas about disability, the way the very language we use to talk about them is steeped in those biases, misconceptions, and assumptions, and the way that a physical result is treated as the cause itself; with the existence of varied experiences of abstracted neurological phenomena, having/creating language some need to help define and understand ourselves, and those societal causes still engendering a physical result?

Is it in the connotation? Is destigmatizing the concept of disability and "disorder" (as meaning "causing distress and/or dysfunction as defined by the person experiencing it") and stopping their misapplication enough? I admit, when my disabled identity has been repeatedly denied by ableists, my instinct is to cling to the labels that say "yes, this is an experience that makes me not able to achieve my own personal desires and goals and causes me distress".

While the concept of "ab/normalcy" is deeply unhelpful and often harmful, there are times when I at least want to say "my material experience is not the same as yours despite your insistence that it is" to people who identify as abled, who have described their perception of my experience as something oppositional to my actual experience. Not abnormal, but not identical, either.

Maybe that's getting off in the weeds. I guess just... at what point does acknowledging my own experiences as a significantly overlapped venn diagram of innate physical and purely societal causes meeting at mixed causes and societal causes of physical results, cross the line into mislabeling societal forces as innate physical events.

Is it just divorcing them from the greater context of society? It is the reversal of causality? Is it the lack of acknowledgement that the way we label these experiences is inherently tied up in the social environment surrounding them? If I view some of my experiences as entirely unrelated to and uninfluenced by that social environment (at least to the extent that is possible), while still being a natural variation in neurology (or physiology) that is itself neutral overall regardless of how I experience it, is that enough?

Is viewing the things labeled as ongoing "trauma" and "mental illness" as a natural and rational response to class oppression a factor in depathologization, as long as we also acknowledge that the labels of "trauma" and "mental health" themselves carry meaning and bias and connotations that don't uphold or even contradict that belief?

I dunno. Maybe I'm just stuck in stubbornly not wanting to give up labels I've been forced to fight for because I'm scared to admit that I could have been fighting for not having them at all while still having my needs met in the first place. Maybe I am just struggling as someone who can't actually process or understand their own experiences without language to integrate a new understanding of that language into my paradigm. Maybe some parts of us are still reactively misinterpreting "question and examine how the language we use is a social construct and how that has been wielded against marginalized identities, including your own" as some sort of threat to our autonomy and in particular self-determination.

I may very well be afraid of and biased by those things, but the one thing I'm not scared of is examining that and admitting it's a possibility.

I guess I'm sending you this ask in particular precisely because you've articulated precise analyses of these subjects so clearly. I'd love to hear your thoughts, if you're willing.

Oh, this is the ask I thought I'd lost!

So, before I start, my own bodymindbrain is VERY compromised by COVID right now. I am living that physical illness affecting cognition life.

This is a great question and I'm really struggling to come up with a thoughtful response, because so much of it, I just don't know. I have no idea "how disabling" any of my disabilities would be if I lived in a society that accepted and accommodated differences, because I've never lived in a society like that and I can only vaguely imagine it. I know that part of that goal is making it so that the supports we receive (medical, social, or otherwise) aren't contingent on any particular label or any particular concept of "disorder." And also that they're never an excuse to infringe on someone's autonomy.

On the language of it all, I'm always struggling to refine my own use of language, but it's especially frustrating because any potentially radical/liberatory use of language gets co-opted and appropriated by pathologization (like "neurodiversity," "Mad," or "anti-psychiatry"). I've left so many groups that I thought were about rejecting pathologization that turned out to be about "recovery" or "healing" (which is fine for people who are interested in those things! I'm just not one of them!).

I also struggle with my own... parts of my mind/emotions that are distressing to me... and I struggle to find words for that that aren't part of the pathology paradigm like "mental health," and also aren't spiritual because that's not what I believe. I just don't know the words. I know that I have anxiety attacks and it sucks and I hate it, but I don't know good overarching terms for "The experience of having profoundly unpleasant unwanted emotional states" or "The attempt by various means to mitigate or remediate profoundly unpleasant unwanted emotional states."

Your question is better than my answer, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm glad you asked!

[tumblingxelian]

Wednesday & Neurodivergence

This is mostly an idle musing which I touched on in my Wednesday video, but I think one thing the show did fairly well was actually managing to make an autistic character who is a jerk without making me angry or coming off as hateful.

Hear me out.

I'm very autistic, and I hate how so much media portrays autism & Neurodivergence as:

"Oh this character is autistic which means they lack emotions and are huge assholes!"

Not just solely because its hateful, or makes us look bad, but because its inaccurate. Not just to how autism works but how in the real world autistic people are used to being rejected and bullied and otherwise mistreated for struggling with social norms, communication, hyperfixations and so on.

I recall a good post talking about portrayals like Sherlock and Sheldon and how:

"Its like they have never faced rejection in their lives."

Wednesday actually makes this work for a few reasons.

1: The show draws a clear line between when Wednesday is being Neurodivergent, Addams Family Morbid, or just a jerk.

When she just doesn't understand something, rejects socializing because the actions of others distress her or has an interest in something 'weird' Wednesday is never demonized for it. She is instead framed sympathetically or sometimes neutrally.

Characters who accept her boundaries, needs and interests, such as not touching her, such as not being crowded, or her love of the macabre are consistently shown as closer to her and more sympathetic than those who do not or otherwise try and pressure her to behave 'normally'.

That is to say, autism/Neurodivergence is not the 'cause' of Wednesday often being a jerk. It is in fact just part of what makes her Wednesday and is thus morally neutral and something to be respected and understood. It can help inform some of her other thought processes such as incorrect conclusions she might reach but its in no way the cause of her more mean behavior.

2: The reason Wednesday is often mean is, well, she's kind of spoiled.

She comes from a wealthy and powerful family who share many of her interests and hyperfixations. Said family is extremely loving and indulgent, their wealthy and supernatural nature protects Wednesday from the consequences of her own actions.

Now, it doesn't protect her entirely, such as when some "Normies" killed her pet scorpion in what was functionally a hate crime against her.

However, she's still by and large insulated from discrimination that would endanger her after that & in comparison to other 'Outcasts'. But, more to the point, her family's money & connections mean even when she, for example causes huge amount of physical damage to others, she can avoid real repercussions.

It genuinely seems like sending her to Nevermore is the first time her parents have tried to impose limits on her actions at all. These factors also likely played a part in her otherwise being so careless in regards to targeting those who bullied her brother.

She is portrayed as very smart and often quite methodical, but it seems Wednesday rarely worries about the possible consequences of her actions. Be it from authority figures or her peers, or the dangerous situations she puts herself into until its too late.

Meaning she is quite reckless and brazen; seeming genuinely shocked and often frustrated when running up against a wall. Such as being defeated in fencing or not being able to simple brute force her way through interactions with others.

3: This can especially be seen in her relationship with Enid.

She's annoyed at being sent to Nevermore & angry at her parents for "Trying to make me like them", how accurate the latter complaint is could be considered question. As it mostly seems they are just sharing fond memories they hope might make her see Nevermore in a good ight and them not having sent her to Nevermore until the legal system demanded it to protect her.

Whatever the case, when Wednesday finds Enid's energetic and colorful personality to be annoying she takes out her frustration on Enid by being generally rude, antagonistic and above all, controlling.

She expects Enid to simply do as she says and to accommodate her desires. Showing no real regard foe her space or possessions and often giving blunt orders to her. But then she seems rather flummoxed when Enid responds to her behavior by -after giving up being friendly- matching Wednesday's antagonism with her own. So much so when it seems like it might come to blows, Enid shows herself entirely happy to stand up for herself.

This can also be seen when Enid withholds help Wednesday expects from her until she apologizes for mistreating Thing. She is shocked she upset him, bust also seems genuinely confused that she is expected to apologize for her actions if she wants either of their help. After all, normally when she lashes out at her parents in some way they simply roll with it, but not here.

Enid is by and large the main reason Wednesday seemed to grow as a person throughout the show. Respecting Wednesday's boundaries, needs and even if they made her uncomfortable her interests. While always firmly imposing her own boundaries and reasonable expectations on Wednesday.

It also isn't like Enid's perfect as the surprise party she threw stressed Wednesday out & she is portrayed sympathetically for it & Enid apologizes.

But that can also be contrasted with Wednesday deceiving Enid about the manor investigation and then refusing to take responsibility for Enid being upset by the situation, Wednesday put her into, as Enid did for her. Hence, Enid being the more emotionally mature of the two.

4: All of this also lays into her being so impacted by Enid's absence.

IE, up until this point Wednesday has thought she likely being alone and didn't care for or need company... Because she's never been truly alone before.

Her family has always been providing for her the kind of social support and safety she needs to the point where she find them kind of irritating. She might not have had friends at school but her brother was there and her family was large and always accommodating to her needs and desires.

Thus, it is easy for her essentially take them for granted and to think she doesn't need companionship or friends because she's never really been without it.

Bit with them -barring Thing- absent and having driven Enid away, Wednesday encounters, likely for the first time what it is like to be lonely and hates it. Her mood only starting to improve with her uncle's arrival and then with Enid's return.

This doesn't mean she became an extrovert or anything, merely that we are a social species that doesn't cope well with isolation and a lack of companionship.

Wednesday does not radically alter her demeanor or identity and suddenly start chilling in the school yard with with the homies or otherwise "Normalize" herself.

What she does is make it a point to be more considerate of those she keeps close & to allow more open communication so to maintain those relationships in a mutual, rather than one sided fashion.

Conclusion:

So yeah, I think that they actually managed to make this concept work quite well. With there being a clear dividing line between what behaviors were and weren't acceptable. & then tying those that were not to her privilege's as opposed to her Neurodivergence which was instead presented neutrally to sympathetically.

[copaceticjillybean]

TW: long and loud ooc vent/rant under the cut.

Ooc: OKAY, THAT IS IT!

I am not on a hiatus, I am on a BREAK. The difference? A break is a lot less scary or prolonged than a hiatus. It was gonna be a long hiatus, but I have changed my mind on that.

As for why I changed my mind? Well, I drank a big glass of Screwitol and have decided that I will NOT let something that’s supposed to be a hobby I do for FUN cause me emotional and mental distress-and neither should any of you, my lovely writing peeps!

If you need to hard block someone-DO IT! Don’t let yourself be terrified that it’ll hurt someone’s feelings. Life is too short, and unless that person is someone you genuinely value to the point of having a legit friendship with them (as in more than just writing together) then STOP LETTING YOUR INNER PEOPLE-PLEASER MAKE YOU MISERABLE! I’m sure gonna start blocking more easily and without fear going forward.

If you need to filter content-DO IT! Why come onto a site just to see stuff that sends you into a triggered mess? This is supposed to be FREAKIN’ FUN!

And if someone you know/follow is interacting with someone who makes you uncomfortable, you have only 3 choices-ignore it, mention it to them and leave it in their hands, or block them. (Note: the 2nd option should only be done if the person in question is committing ACTUAL HARM against ACTUAL PEOPLE. You not liking their content isn’t enough to try and make your writing peeps aware-they likely know that stuff already and are able to handle it according.)

And if you do option 2 and they want to continue interacting with them? Then you can either do options 1 or 3 next. And don’t let anyone make you feel like you can’t make EITHER CHOICE. We are adults who are trying to write with other adults-the middle school bull crap needs to stop. If you decide you don’t want to play with someone anymore, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO!

Tumblr has a very dangerous precedent of people either whining about ‘there’s no such thing as over-communication’ (which, as someone who suffers from confession-style OCD, yes there absolutely is!) or getting waaaaaay too attached to people in downright parasocial ways. I don’t think I really understood that until recently, but it’s unfortunately really true.

It…it’s just exhausting, seeing that kind of BS all the time. And it genuinely DID make me consider leaving, to try and hide on discord only, where common sense seems a bit more prevalent.

…but I won’t. For 2 main reasons.

I won’t because, for as actual unhinged as this hellsite is, there are people here who I’ve come to enjoy writing and interacting with so very, very much. People who are talented and kind, and who I’m so excited to see pop up on dash. They have listened to me when I was hurting, and helped make me a better writer and a better person.

And I won’t because I am spiteful. I WILL continue writing on here IN SPITE of the creeps who continue to circulate the site. I WILL continue writing on here IN SPITE of the way we’ve been conditioned to not speak Ooc in a way that’ll ’rock the boat’. And I WILL continue to write on here IN SPITE of how scary it can be. Because I will be the one who makes the choice to leave this site entirely-my anxiety and the fact predators and abusers exist will NOT run me off.

For any who read all that: thank you.

For my lovely mutuals, thank you for being so freakin’ awesome.

For my irl bestie: I love you to the moon and back, and you are literally one of the most important people in my life and the best writer I know.

And for those of you on here who helped talk me through the anxiety that put a major dent in my Christmas Eve and Christmas Day this year: Yoy majorly helped talk me down from an anxiety spiral that shook me hard. I am forever grateful for that.

And now, with all that said-I’m going on a little break. But I will be back. And until I am-stay safe, stay kind, and ttfn, ta ta for now!

-Mun TNTPig :@3

[the-sour-patch-crew]

Saw an anon vent ask thing. To be clear it was a personal take and I hold no grudges against them or their feelings. Because on some levels I get it.

But it got me thinking. Yeah, I wasn't supposed to be like this. My plurality was endogenic and likely would remain endogenic if I hadn't gone through years of trauma as an adult.

At least, that's what I assume. Since living with my partner I've been unmasking and dealing with a lot of mental health and neurodivergancy stuff. No more masking. Just, existing and because of letting myself exist without masking things have been getting worse just as much as they have been getting better. So. Idk. Maybe my plurality would have shifted into full on osdd even without the very obvious trauma. Maybe the less obvious stuff would have been enough. Who knows. So I'll just go off the assumption I was meant to only experience endogenic plurality and not CDD multiplicity.

But. I'm not ashamed that my plurality shifted. I'm not upset that I have a CDD. I'm upset I let myself get stuck into years of trauma. I'm upset I let myself get hurt. I'm upset at the person who caused it. But I'm not upset at the CDD itself. No one is *suppose* to experience trauma. No one wants that. But hey, what I ended up with isn't what I'm ashamed about. I never will be. My body did what it needed to to survive. Maybe it's not the greatest coping method, but hey, here I am and I owe that to how my system changed. I would not have survived if my system remained as it was prior.

I am not ashamed of having a CDD. I'm not ashamed of the healing we now need to do together. I'm not mad at the dissociation and chaos that happens from time to time. My plurality is different, but not bad. I still love my system, and genuinely, even more now than in the past. Its not because I'm now "validated". We've always been validated. Never gave two shits about people believing me or not. No. It's. Idk. Everyone who is here now has a weight to them. Like a weighted blanket compared to the silk sheets of my endogenic headmates of the past. Both real. Just feels different.

I also don't fear being associated with anti-endos because being anti-endo isn't isolated just to CDD systems. Singlets can also be anti too. I'm genuinely happy to be able to share experiences with both CDD systems and endogenic systems. It SUCKS any of us have trauma. It sucks that any of us have to deal with the distressing parts of dissociative disorders and trauma responses. But I don't feel shame or hate being part of either community.

Idk. I would never lie about either. I have no reason to. What happened happened and while I wish it didn't I'm not mad that I have OSDD now. It's just what it is.

It doesn't make me any more valid

It doesn't make me any closer to being an anti-endo

Its just what happened and here I am. I'm glad I'm here. I'm happy learning to live with a CDD now because I'm alive. I'm out. I'm safe.

Being mixed origin is an experience, and I'm not ashamed of either part of me.

[green5quirrel]

CW: Death, dying, mothers

This is to everyone who fears being a burden when they are dying (and also when they get older and are no longer able to function the same way they used to).

You ARE going to be a burden.

By that, I mean, you are going to need from others things that you can no longer do yourself. You are going to not have the faculties to be who you have always been. This will manifest either physically or mentally (or both). This WILL cause others to have to treat you in a way that you currently perceive as being a burden to another person.

This WILL happen.

Yes, this will even happen if you happen to die suddenly while completely healthy. Or if you die without anyone outside of your immediate circle knowing of your struggles.

You will absolutely be what you envision as a burden.

Your death will cause sorrow and pain. Your slow decline will cause grief and sadness. Your need for care will take people's time away. Your personality changes will cause confusion and anger.

I urge you to accept this. I urge you to not try to avoid it. I urge you to lean into your decline and be open and truthful and genuine during it. I say this for one reason:

My mom being a "burden" to me was the most moving and most precious gift I could've gotten from her. Being allowed to take care of her in a way I had never had the opportunity to do before was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But it was also the most fulfilling thing I've done.

I can't tell people not to feel guilty about their own needs becoming more than they want to inflict on others. I can't tell you not to feel like being a burden is the worst outcome. But I can tell you that letting people into your struggle is an ultimate act of love and compassion.

Because you will never avoid causing people distress by your decline. You can't control how you leave this world. You can't control what your body does in the end. I don't care how healthy you are or what provisions you make to guarantee a graceful death.

So, at the very least accept that you will be a burden. Let love guide that journey. Let gratitude for others wanting to help give you the strength you will no longer have. Let people love you. Let people lose sleep because of you. Let them be angry and afraid and confused. And let yourself be that as well.

That's my message for today that I woke up with.

It's not only about making the best of the precious moments when our loved ones are happy and healthy. It's about being present and loving the moments when they are not healthy, not who they once were, not able, and dying. Because those moments mean just as much if not more.

At least they do for this one person while they reflect on their mom on this day of mothers.

[annoyinglandmagazine]

‘How long have you been self-medicating?’ Gil Galad entered the room immediately zeroing in on the empty jars laid on his herald’s bed. ‘Is this an intervention?’ Elrond muttered humourlessly putting his flask down on the desk. ‘If so I suggest you not bother. This is the only thing that helps. The medicine does not exist so I have to make do when necessary.’

‘Is this about your visions?’ He’d known that they must be unpleasant at times but Elrond had never let on that he found them too distressing to bare. He took Elrond’s silence as confirmation. ‘I may not be able to fully understand, but you can talk to me about it if the things you see disturb you so much. You don’t need to resort to this.’ Elrond sighed running his hand through his hair.

‘It’s not the visions themselves, though they aren’t great either I can’t do anything about them. It’s how my hoar behaves during them. It’s like I lose control entirely and when I wake up things aren’t as I left them. It’s not safe Ereinion. For myself or for others.’ ‘So you sedate yourself.’ How could he not have known about this? This sounded incredibly dangerous and unhealthy and from what he could tell it was a regular occurrence. He was going to commit a kinslaying of his own if this was something those feanorians taught him.

‘How long? It surely isn’t dire enough to warrant this. You’re a healer you know how risky this kind of thing is.’ Elrond spoke, voice quiet and matter of fact despite the horror of what he was saying, as if he didn’t think much of it. Knowing Elrond’s measure of what was actually concerning it was possible he really didn’t. ‘I started experimenting after the fifth time. When I was 10. It really was necessary though.’ Here he took a breath as if reliving a memory he had tried to bury a long time ago.

‘I stabbed Elros. I don’t know why but it was definitely me. I couldn’t cause anyone else pain so I looked for solutions. They didn’t know about it. No one did, I can be very quiet when I want to be and I’d seen where Maedhros kept everything for his bad nights. I tried to stop a few times after I joined the army. Ability to wake up in times of emergency, and such. But it got worse. I stopped trying after I woke up with this.’

He pulled his sleeve back to show a long, deep scar running all the way up his forearm. There would have been a lot of blood. He made a point of not betraying too much emotion and keeping his voice level. ‘Is that how you got all of them?’ He’d never asked about Elrond’s scars before. They’d always worried him but he didn’t want to make Elrond feel uncomfortable when he was already so wary around other people.

‘A lot of them,’ the tone made clear that this was not a conversation they were having now. Perhaps not ever. ‘We could try coming up with a solution. Just -please. I need you to be safe. I can’t do this without you.’ He reached out to take Elrond’s hand squeezing it tightly.

‘You wouldn’t last a day without me.’ And finally there was a smile at the old joke. Elrond carefully laid the cup aside and whispered ‘I’m going to have a bad one in not too long. Would you stay and make sure nothing happens? I think we’ve sparred long enough for you to deal with it.’ He looked scared. In all the dire situations they’d been in Elrond had rarely betrayed genuine fear. Yet this part of himself he couldn’t understand let alone control terrified him. Was this what it was like being the only part Maia in Middle Earth? ‘I will stay as long as you want me here.’