#<- not a fic but I'm not making another tag

[vbecker10]

I found the prompt “this isn’t a double date, we’re just third and fourth wheeling” and thought it would be perfect for a Loki/reader to be the third and fourth wheel-maybe another couple is trying to set them up and both Loki and reader are alllllllll the way in denial. Would love fluff, idiots to lovers, and female reader character if possible. Thanks so much! 💚

This isn't a Double Date... Right?

Pairing: Loki x female reader (Y/N), Bucky x Natasha

Summary: Natasha has been taking her role as your best friend and personal match maker way too seriously lately, setting you up on dozens of awful blind dates. After finally convincing her to stop, you resume your place as the official third wheel on Natasha and Bucky's date night. Or at least that's what you thought the plan was until you find out Bucky invited Loki to go out with you all and now he's the fourth wheel... because this isn't a double date, right?

A/N: I'm really, really sorry this took so long! I absolutely love this idea, thank you so much for sending this request! I hope you like it! 💚

Also... this is way longer than I thought it was going to be but I just can't seem to finish multi-part fics lately so I didn't want to risk only writing half of it lol

"I hate when you two are being cute," you roll your eyes as you walk into Natasha's apartment. You didn't bother to knock, you never do on blind date nights. The spy and her super soldier boyfriend know your routine by heart and are not at all surprised to see you.

Nat has been setting you up on blind dates for the last four months and each time you come straight to her apartment after. You can't tell who is more excited to see you, Nat because she is a surprisingly hopeless romantic and desperately wants to help her best friend find her perfect match or Bucky because he always has a snack ready to hear about how this date was so much worse than your last one.

Bucky's arms are wrapped around Natasha's waist as she cuts up fruit, his chest pressed against her back. "Hello to you too, grumpy," Nat laughs, shaking her head lightly when you close the door and take off your coat.

"I'm serious, it's gross," you fight back a smile as Bucky steals a piece of strawberry from the cut pile to eat.

"Those aren't for you," she swats his metal hand away before he takes another piece and he chuckles. While she's distracted with Bucky, you reach over the counter, taking a few pieces of fruit and popping them in your mouth. "You're as bad as he is," Nat laughs, throwing the top of a strawberry at you with expert precision. You fail to block the small piece of fruit and wipe your cheek as you bend down to pick it up off the floor.

Resting his chin on Natasha's shoulder he smirks at you, "I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess the date didn't go well... as usual."

"I'm going to die alone," you inform the couple, sitting at the island across from them. You drop your head dramatically on the counter and a laugh escapes Bucky.

"No you won't," he says with less sarcasm then you expect. You lift your head slightly to look at him and he smiles, "You're going to tag along with Nat and me until you die."

You lower your head back to the counter heavily with a loud sigh.

"Be nice," she looks up and scolds him.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way," Bucky tries to defend his comment. "I just meant cause she always goes out with us when we go on dates anyway."

"Not making me feel better," you groan without lifting your head.

"You are not going to die alone," Nat finishes dicing the fruit and adds it to the blender. "I'm going to find you someone, I haven't given up yet."

You sit up, "Well, I'm giving up. Look Nat, you're an amazing friend and a completely bad ass spy and I love you to death but you are horrible at this whole match making thing."

"Just let me try one more time," she reaches across the counter and grabs your hand. "There's a new guy in-"

You cut her off, "Nat, I'm serious. You set me up with one more weirdo and I'm going to make sure the next mission I assign you to is in the Bermuda Triangle."

You walk quickly down the street, holding your thin jacket closed against the wind as the museum finally comes into view. Nat waves excitedly when she sees you, Bucky's metal arms possessively around her waist as always.

"Sorry, the last debrief took way longer than it should have. Lang was giving the overview of his mission yesterday in ridiculously specific detail," you hug Nat then Bucky. Laughing, you add, "He'd probably still be going on and on if Loki hadn't very strongly suggested he learn to summarize his thoughts before sharing them with everyone."

"Well I'm glad you were able to escape," Nat smiles and links arms with you, turning to walk up the steps.

"Hold up, we're still waiting on someone," Bucky says, putting his hands in his jacket pockets.

"Who?" you raise an eyebrow and look suspiciously at Natasha. "You agreed, no more blind dates and you know I can't stand blind double dates, they're even worse."

She shrugs, "I didn't do anything, I have no idea what he's talking about. Who'd you invite Bucky?"

"Steve?" you guess.

"Oh, there he is," Bucky doesn't exactly answer your question as he looks past you down the street at the mystery person. You and Nat turn to see who he's looking at and your eyes widen in surprise. Loki looks left then right before quickly crossing the street against the light.

As he gets closer you can't help but think he looks amazing as always. He's wearing black dress pants, black dress shirt with the top two buttons open and a dark green pea coat which flows open around him as he walks. Loki raises his hand to wave at Bucky and you can see the surprise in his eyes when he spots you and Nat on the first few steps of the museum. Clearly he wasn't expecting to see anyone other than Bucky which is good, you think, that means this definitely isn't a surprise double date.

Loki smiles as he walks over to the three of you. "Sorry I'm late," he apologies, you and Nat rejoin Bucky on the sidewalk.

"Don't worry about it. I should be thanking you for getting me out of that debrief in the first place," you tell him.

He chuckles, "I did it for purely selfish reasons I assure you but I'm glad it worked out for you. I hadn't realize you and Natasha would be here as well."

"Hopefully that's not a bad thing," you smile, suddenly feeling a bit nervous as he takes a step closer to you. Bucky moves to put his arm around Natasha's waist but you barely notice. You're too busy trying to decide if this is the longest conversation you've ever had with the incredibly hot Asgardian outside of what you needed to discuss for work.

He smiles, his eyes focusing only on you, "I'm not disappointed."

"Good," you rub your hands together from the cold then joke, "We needed a fourth wheel. I'm a bit tired of being an awkward tricycle all the time."

Loki gives you a confused look but when Nat laughs he nods, understanding your meaning. "I know how you feel, I seem to be the third person in Thor and Jane's relationship quite a bit lately. I imagine they're excited to have a night out without me for a change."

"Well their loss is our gain, right?" you reply, your mouth moving faster than your brain. Loki smirks at you and you blow lightly into your hands, looking down in an attempt to pass off your blush for being cold.

When you look down, you miss the wink Bucky gives Natasha and her nodding in approval of his secret plan. "Now, can we please go in?" Nat asks, "It really is way too cold to keep standing out here."

Once inside, you immediately go to the hall to your right, wanting to see the new exhibit and Loki follows you. The two of you move to the first painting in the almost completely empty hall, unaware that Bucky and Nat haven't joined you. You begin to read the small metal information card next to the painting to yourself and Loki leans closer to read over your shoulder. Smiling when you feel him close, you read the rest of the brief description outloud as his eyes drift up to the large oil painting. When you finish, your attention shifts to the painting, enjoying the colors the artist used.

"Would you be interested in a fairly random fact about this piece of art?" Loki asks and you look up at him. You expect to see his signature smirk but instead he seems genuinely unsure of whether you're curious or not as he waits with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Oh, absolutely," you nod excitedly. "I honestly love random facts and weird trivia. Let's hear it."

He smiles, his posture becoming more relaxed as he tells you what he read about the painting years ago. You listen to him as you both move to the next painting where you once again you read the small card to Loki. After you finish, he describes the method the artist used to mix his paints to get all those different color variations.

At the third painting it's finally your turn to tell Loki something you learned about the painting. Unlike the prince's information which comes from art history books, your fact comes from someone you follow on TikTok but you aren't about to tell him that. When he doesn't respond right away, you immediately get a sinking feeling, filling with worry that you are actually wrong and now he thinks you're an idiot.

After a moment, he smiles. "I've never heard that before but it makes sense." You relax, walking to the next painting as Loki adds, "I have to tell you how nice it is to talk to someone who actually wants to have a conversion with me, especially about something like art. I honestly feel like most of the time, Thor invites me to go out with him and Jane because he thinks if he doesn't, I will just sit in my apartment alone all night."

"Would you?" you ask.

"Most likely yes, I don't enjoy going out alone," he answers. "But I'm perfectly fine sitting in my apartment and reading all night. That was my plan for tonight until I ran into Barnes right before our last meeting."

"So as far as you know then, this isn't a double date right?" you ask. "Nat's been setting me up a lot lately."

He shakes his head, "I honestly had no idea you or Natasha were going to be here. To be fair though, I didn't ask. Barnes said he had an extra ticket to the museum for tonight and told me to meet him here after work. I did think it was a little strange since we've never spent time together outside of missions." He chuckles lightly, "I just figured Thor told him to take me out so he could spend time with Jane."

"Oh, like it's Bucky's turn to babysit you?" you can't help but laugh.

He nods, "Something like that, yes."

You walk to the next painting, quickly falling into a comfortable pattern. You read the card that is placed next to the painting and then either you or Loki shares a fact you've learned about the artist, the subject matter or the style. You try to focus on the beautiful art in front of you but it's hard not to notice how Loki seems to stand a bit closer to you each time you move to a new paniting.

At the last painting in the wing, the back of his hand brushes against yours and you find yourself fighting the urge to thread your fingers between his as you listen to him tell you about the artist's failed attempt at making sculptures. You laugh, envisioning the clay collapsing in a heap around the artist the way Loki describes it.

"Would you like to see the next hall or do you need to find Natasha first?" he asks when you've contained your laughter.

Looking around, you realize for the first time that they aren't in this hall. You assumed they followed you but honestly you were so distracted by Loki you forgot to even check. He smiles, waiting patiently for an answer. "I'm sure they're fine without us," you tell him.

"I agree," he holds out his arm and you take it, blushing as he leads you to the next hall.

You giggle, covering your mouth as you look up at the first painting in the next hall. "Care to explain what's so funny darling?" he asks, your giggles cut short by the sudden use of the nickname.

"I just-" you clear your throat. "No, it's going to sound stupid."

"Tell me anyways," he insists, moving closer to you so his hand brushes against yours.

"Well..." you point to the couple sitting on the bench facing the lake with their arms around each other. "There's Nat and Bucky..." then you point to the woman sitting on the bench next to them. She's eating a sandwich that she very obviously stole from the couples picnic basket while they were distracted with each other, "There's me."

He laughs, "Ah yes, I see it!" You hit his arm playfully and he smirks, "You are much prettier then she is though."

Your face heats up and you barely manage to mumble, "Thanks," in response as Loki walks to the second painting, turning to make sure you follow.

Loki and you walk down the steps of the museum to meet Nat and Bucky about half an hour later. "I see the double date's going well," Nat jokes. "You two snuck off pretty quick," she winks at you.

"We didn't sneak off," you roll your eyes. "And we've already established that this isn't a double date, cause you said you weren't setting me up with people anymore."

"Fine, fine," she says as Bucky puts his hand on her lower back and you all start walking down the street.

"But, this is definitely the best 'not a double date' I've been on ever," you add and she smiles at you over her shoulder. You walk another block and shiver as you wait for the light to change, wishing you wore a warmer coat.

"Cold?" Loki asks, a hint of concern in his voice.

You fold your arms around your body tighter, nodding quickly. "I guess l grabbed the wrong jacket when I was leaving. I didn't think it was going to get this cold out."

"Here," he unbuttons his coat and you shake your head no. "Frost giants don't get cold," he insists as he takes his coat off. "I bought it cause I liked it, not because I need it."

"Well, it does look really good on you," you smile up at him as he puts it over your shoulders.

He smiles when you slip your arms into the sleeves. "I actually think it looks much better on you." You can barely keep from giggling as the blush creeps up your cheeks.

You laugh as you sit next to Loki at the restaurant, your knees touching lightly under the table when he leans closer to you. "Wait, do you ever sit between them when you see a movie?" you ask.

"I hate when you do that," Bucky says from across the table, his contribution to the conversation ignored by both you and Loki.

"No!" Loki laughs loudly, putting down his nearly empty drink as he looks at you. "Y/N, I must say, you truly are an evil genius. I'm absolutely doing that to Thor and Jane next time."

"Or you two could just go to a movie together," Nat suggests with a shrug. "You know, without other people? Like on a real date."

You smile at the thought of spending more time alone with Loki but before either of you can respond, the waitress walks over to your table with the bill. "I've got this," Loki says as he opens his wallet without looking at the bill sitting in front of him.

Bucky shakes his head, "You don't need to do that."

You joke, "Yeah, since this isn't a double date we should just split it." You reach for your bag but Loki waves over the waitress and hands her his credit card.

"Too late," he smiles when she walks away.

He leans back in his seat, his arm settling on the back of your chair. You shift a little closer to him and are pleasantly surprised when he moves his arm to rest across your shoulder. You look up to catch Nat smirking at you as Loki's fingertips trace circles on your upper arm slowly while he finishes his drink.

A few minutes later, the waitress hands Loki his card and the receipt. He takes his arm off of you to put the card back in his wallet and you grab his wrist lightly to stop him. "Wait, is that Tony's card?" you look at him in surprise.

He turns the card over as if he's never seen it before, "Oh, would you look at that?"

You laugh, "Loki!"

"What?" he grins as he puts it away. "Well, I think she deserves a pretty large tip, don't you?" He fills out the receipt and signs the bottom while Nat shakes her head but can't hide her smile.

"He's been looking for that for like a week," Nat says with an eye roll.

"That makes sense," he smirks as he gets up. "I needed to pick up a new series from the bookstore so I... borrowed it."

"Oh, what books did you get?" you ask as you slip on Loki's coat, you look up to catch him watching you with a smile.

"Don't encourage him," Bucky gets up and shrugs on his coat. "And borrowing it means you plan on returning it," he informs Loki.

"I'm going to," Loki responds and opens the door for everyone. "When I've finished using it."

You walk out first and wait for the others, "Do you think Tony would mind if we used it to get some ice cream?"

"I think I'll pass, I'm actually kind of tired," Bucky puts his hands in his pockets.

"Oh I forgot," you joke, "It's past your bedtime old man."

Nat laughs as Bucky folds his arms across his chest. "I'm not an old man," he says in a grumpy tone. "And if I was, that means your date is ancient."

"Okay, first off, this is not a double date and secondly... wait, how old are you?" you look up at Loki.

"1,054," he answers, chuckling lightly when your eyes widen. "But I'll live to be around 5,000 so technically I'm still quite young. Barnes however is older than the age an average human would live to."

Nat puts her arms around Bucky and kisses his cheek, "I'm gonna take my fossil home. You two enjoy ice cream in this freezing weather."

"I hate all of you," Bucky mumbles, turning with Nat to walk down the street.

"No you don't, you're just cranky cause you're tired," you giggle but your breath catches when Loki puts his arm around your waist.

"Ready for dessert?" he smiles and leads you in the opposite direction.

Your hand brushes against Loki's as you cross the street and he intertwines his fingers with yours. You smile and squeeze his hand lightly, continuing down the street in comfortable silence until you reach the Tower. The smiles vanishes from your face when he lets go of your hand but you lean into him when he puts his arm around your waist once inside the lobby.

He pushes the button for the elevator and says, "Thank you Y/N, this is the most fun I've had in months."

"I had a great time too, Loki. Shame it wasn't a double date, right?" you ask when the doors open and you both step inside.

He nods, "It would have been a perfect double date. But since it wasn't, can I take you out on a real date tomorrow night?"

You giggle, "Of course but not a double date."

"Just us," he agrees. After a moment he adds, "I'll admit, I'm looking forward to the end of our first date."

"How come?" you ask a bit confused.

He turns to face you, "Because I would really like to kiss you but I know on Midgard it's typical to wait until the end of a first date."

You look at him in disbelief but the elevator ding distracts you. You both get out and walk down the hall towards your room. "You know... we could just call tonight a date since it pretty much was one," you say as his fingers squeeze yours gently. "The museum, dinner, ice cream, lots of talking and laughing and-"

Loki cuts you off, pressing his lips to yours as you stand outside your apartment. You close your eyes and kiss him back, your hands moving to his lower back as he cups your cheek. When he pulls back he smiles and you say, "I'm assuming you agree tonight was a date then?"

He nods, "And now I'm looking forward to our second date greatly."

"Me too," you kiss his cheek lightly. "Have a goodnight Loki."

"This is your fault you know," Nat says to Bucky who's laying with his head on her lap while they watch TV.

"Goodnight Y/N," he turns and walks towards his apartment.

You watch until he turns a corner and as soon as he's out of sight, you walk quickly down the hall in the opposite direction. A few moments later you swing open the door to Nat's apartment without knocking.

"I know," he mumbles and turns off the show as you nudge him to sit up so there's space for you on the couch between them. "Tell us about your date, Y/N."

I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚 Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!

@soubi001 @mochie85 @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @animnerd @cabingrlandrandomcrap @icytrickster17 @mischief2sarawr @mjsthrillernp @holdmytesseract @lulubelle814 @goblingirlsarah @alexakeyloveloki @siconetribal @lokidokieokie @kneelingformyloki @jiyascepter @eleniblue @ash-muses @muddyorbsblr @alyeskathewave @loz-3 @firedrakegirl @javagirl328 @princess-asgard @morally-grey-variant @soulpiercing @km-ffluv @glitterylokislut @biodegradable-glitter-fest @wolfsmom1 @simone818283 @hopefuldreamers-world @blackhawkfanatic @sabspoetic @anukulee @lovinglokilaufeyson @beaniemoon

[thosegayoldmen]

Seven Sexy Sentence Sunday 🌶️

So many tags this week, thank you all so much! 🥰 @elodiah, @lokimobius, @in-my-loki-feels, @lgwilt, @insert-witty-user-name-here, @loki-is-my-kink-awakening & @mobiusismycomfortcharacter

Im late (again) but it's still Sunday somewhere right?! 😅

Here's another peek at mine and @ghoulehhh's Mr Tesseract fic, titled 'Your Paradox Is Blue'.

This is directly after the last snippet we posted, so feel free to take a look for some context 😘

Also, it's not seven sentences, but shhhh im a rule breaker! 😈 Enjoy!~

“LOKI!”  And - as if on cue - Loki’s fingers dig in deeper still, twisting to hold him fast. The better to press himself against that palm, rutting up against it all selfish and without shame. His nails drag harshly across Tesseract’s damaged skin, caution thrown to the wind, oblivious to the fingertip that manages to snag a fissure. The digit sinks into the crack of glowing blue and Loki instantly feels a shock shoot up his arm. A high-pitched yelp hitches in his throat and he tears his hand away from Tesseract’s side altogether, still buzzing from contact, like his very nerve-endings have been fried. Another yelp is punched out of him when he’s unceremoniously slammed back into the wall. Tesseract’s eyes narrow, blazing with electric anger, a bruised and blackened hand going straight for the God’s throat to pin him there. The playful air is gone, replaced with something much more threatening. Tesseract is snarling quietly, chest heaving in a steady rhythm, trying to shake off the pain brought on by such an intimate touch. He blinks away stars from the painful violation, his entire being having seized up in a paralytic sort of pleasure - and he hadn’t liked it one bit. Only she’s allowed to touch him so deeply and get away with it, and for the briefest moment he’s reminded of her absence, their weakened connection within the TVA’s walls. It’s nearly enough to make him lose focus and crumble - but he won’t. Not when he’s already come this far. “You little shit,” he hisses, his jaw clenched. Loki attempts a noise in protest, but the fingers around his throat tighten, and whatever words he had are swallowed down in fear. “Don’t. Do. That.” He punctuates each word with a squeeze of his hand and another slam against the wall, in such a casual display of some unspoken strength that seems to be lurking beneath his damaged exterior.  Loki’s hands fly up to clutch at the wrist of the hand at his throat, eyes going wide with panic just as the muffled, distant yells kick in from the observation room.

Late tagging out, I'm not sure who's already posted so this is mostly just to show yall 😁

@kcscribbler, @natendo-art, @kusakichan15, @mythical-magik, @devilbearingtrouble,

@impulsemuppet, @mirilyawrites, @scifikimmi, @silentxsymphony, @ilaytrapsfortroubadours,

@boredintjqueen, @rin-love-is-green, @confetti39x, @stillwanderingflame, @andthekitchensinkao3,

@blackbirdofasgard, @dreamycloud, @distracteddream, @mobius-m-mobius, @dilfmobius,

@adorbspotat, @wolfpup026

[sherewrytes]

𝔹𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 ℙ𝕚𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕤, ℝ𝕪𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟 𝕊𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕟𝕒 7

↳ Sukuna x f! black reader

Summary: After the death of his grandfather, Sukuna Ryomen is left to shoulder the weight of his family, caring for his younger brothers, Yuuji and Choso. As he withdraws into grief, his relationship with Y/N, his girlfriend of a year, begins to crumble. When Y/N discovers the truth about his grandfather’s passing during a heated argument, it leads to a painful breakup. Now, both are navigating life apart, but Sukuna’s heart aches for Y/N. Determined to win her back, he must confront his pain and find a way to break through the walls he’s built. Can he rekindle their love, or is it too late?

contents: heavy angst, modern au, 18+, smut, dark romance, drug use, talks of depression and similar topics. (a lil )

fic warnings. ooc, profanity, mental health issues, toxic relationships, cheating, explicit smut, serious drug use, mentions of depression + more to be updated as story progresses.

Please read with proper discretion. this is a work of fiction. all characters are written to portray roles that are necessary to the plot and are in no way a reflection of their canon counterparts.

Taglist: @for-hearthand-home@clp-84@thelightknight21@favvkiki  @helightknight21 @dylsw @ria-s-writes @sleepymothafterhours 

if you wanna be added to the tag list comment

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Here is another chapter cause I'm still writing out the other fics right now :)

Previous

Chapter 7: Breaking Point

Y/N’s POV

It’s been, what, two weeks since I last saw Sukuna? Since he left my apartment I finally put my foot down. It feels surreal. Like he was here one moment, his presence filling every part of my life, and then, just like that, he’s gone. I can actually focus in class again, and my thoughts are less cluttered without his constant ups and downs. For the first time in a long time, I’m getting assignments done on time, and keeping up with my workload. But underneath it all, there’s this ache, a hollow space where he used to be.

I try to ignore it, but it’s always there, tugging at me, making it hard to concentrate completely. It’s the little things—his laugh echoing in my mind, the feel of his arms around me, his stupid smirk whenever he got under my skin. I find myself wondering if he’s okay. Did he come out of the hospital yet? Did he manage to finally piece himself together?

A part of me wants to reach out, just to check in. Maybe see if he’s doing better, if he’s still leaning on his friends, getting through each day somehow. But that’s not my place anymore, is it? I gave him so many chances to let me in, to let me help, and every single time, he shut me out. He made it clear he wanted to handle things his way. And I… I need to start respecting that boundary, as much as it hurts.

I take a deep breath, glancing out the window of the studio. The city is buzzing outside, people going on with their lives, completely unaware of the turmoil inside me. I sip my coffee, watching the people walk by, their laughter faintly audible through the glass.

Suddenly, my phone buzzes, pulling me from my thoughts. It’s a message from Utahime.

Utahime: You doing okay? Need anything?

I smile, appreciating her concern. She’s been there since everything happened, her presence a constant comfort, even when I didn’t realize I needed it.

Me: Yeah, I’m fine. Just… thinking too much, as usual.

Utahime: Well, stop that! We’re going out tonight. A distraction is exactly what you need.

I hesitate, looking down at my phone, my thumb hovering over the keyboard. I know she’s right. A distraction might help me let go of these lingering thoughts, these small pieces of Sukuna that I can’t seem to shake.

Me: Fine. Where and when?

Utahime: I’ll pick you up at 8. Be ready!

A part of me feels relieved at the thought of getting out, of being around people who remind me of who I am outside of Sukuna, outside of this relationship that became such a heavy part of my life.

as the car moves through the city streets, I press my head against the cool window, letting the world blur past me. The bass-heavy beat of W.D.Y.W.F.M. pulses through my headphones, each lyric tugging at parts of me I’ve been trying to bury.

Maybe you’re right, maybe this is all that I can be, the words echo, hitting a little too close to home. I close my eyes, feeling the weight of those lyrics settle in my chest. The memories start seeping in—the countless times I let myself believe that if I loved Sukuna enough, if I was patient enough, he’d eventually find it within himself to let me in. That if I just waited, things would finally feel right. But now I wonder… maybe it wasn’t just him. Maybe I should have known better than to believe that love could fix someone so broken.

But what if it’s you, and it wasn’t me?

The question pierces through my thoughts, stirring a bitterness I didn’t know I still had. He wanted to drown in his own pain, to shut me out every time I tried to pull him up for air. I couldn’t have been the answer, and yet here I am, with pieces of him still lingering, haunting me at every turn.

The Uber driver takes a corner, the familiar streets near my apartment coming into view. I force my gaze away from the window, back to my phone screen, trying to focus on anything but him. It shouldn’t hurt this much, but it does—knowing that for all the love I poured into him, it wasn’t enough to keep him from self-destructing.

The song fades as I arrive at my building. I thank the driver, taking a deep breath as I step out, feeling the city air wrap around me. The streetlights cast a dim glow on the sidewalk, and I let myself pause for a moment before going inside. I need to let him go, I tell myself firmly, as I push open the door and head up the stairs to my apartment. I have to learn to let go of the weight of him, of the what ifs and the could’ve been that keep me tangled in his memory.

I climb the stairs, my heart pounding faster with each step as I spot the car parked out front. The familiar shape, that old, dark-colored sedan that Sukuna drove everywhere... no, no, no, I think, my pulse racing. I’m not ready to see him. My body tenses with dread, the past few weeks crashing down on me in waves.

But as I get closer, I realize it isn’t him. The figure slouched in the driver's seat isn’t Sukuna—it’s Yuuji, his face drawn and pale under the streetlight glow. Relief floods me, only to be replaced by confusion and worry. I stride up to him, feeling the weight of all the things I know about Sukuna’s recent spiral pressing on me, unsettling and heavy.

"Yuuji," I say, my voice sharp, "why are you here?"

He startles, looking up at me with bloodshot eyes. I catch the shadow of sleepless nights, maybe even nights spent worrying about Sukuna. He tries to brush off the tension, but I can see right through him. He's younger, not yet old enough to be driving around on his own at this hour. That alone makes my stomach twist.

"I just… I didn’t know who else to talk to," he mutters, glancing away. The hurt and worry in his voice rip into me.

My gut clenches as I realize just how much of Sukuna’s pain has been spilling onto his family. The weight he’s putting on Yuuji, on Choso… it’s more than I ever understood. The anger, frustration, and heartbreak I felt these past weeks—they’re nothing compared to what Yuuji was going through. He’s barely an adult, forced to watch his older brother destroy himself.

“Yuuji,” I say softly, keeping my tone steady, “what’s going on? Why didn’t you call me?”

Yuuji looks up, and in that one look, I see just how much he’s been holding in. “I thought… I thought I could handle it, but… he’s just getting worse. I can’t even talk to him without him blowing up at me. He left some days ago, maybe more, and just stormed out. No one knows where he is. Toji, Choso, and even Geto…they all tried reaching him, but he wouldn’t answer. And then I remembered… you always knew how to reach him when he was like this.”

The ache in his voice cuts through me, and a fierce protectiveness rises up. I left Sukuna to deal with his pain, but it’s clear that his absence has left more than just a hole in my life—it’s tearing his family apart too.

“Yuuji,” I start, forcing calm into my voice. “I know things are tough, and Sukuna… he’s dealing with a lot. But you don’t have to do this alone. Have you told anyone else? Choso? Gojo?”

He shakes his head, looking at the ground. “No. Choso is dealing with enough as it is… and I don’t want them to worry more.”

He’s trying to be strong, trying to hold everyone else together when he’s the one falling apart. I know that feeling all too well. Sukuna and I broke things off because I couldn’t keep sacrificing my sanity for someone unreachable. But I never thought about how much worse it would get for those who couldn’t walk away, like Yuuji and Choso.

I reach out, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Yuuji, you don’t have to do this alone. You shouldn’t be doing this alone. Sukuna needs someone to get through to him, and it might not be me anymore—but we can try together.”

He stares at me for a moment, eyes wide and vulnerable. “Do you think… Do you think he’ll ever listen? Or is he too far gone?”

My heart aches at his words. “I don’t know. But we have to try.”

He nods, the glimmer of hope in his expression heartbreaking and determined.

I closed my eyes, gripping the phone tight. I knew Kenjaku could be difficult, even evasive when he wanted to be. Sukuna had a talent for finding people who were just as stubborn and reckless as he was. But I couldn’t back down, not now, not with Yuuji looking at me like he was counting on me.

“Kenjaku, I need to know. Yuuji’s here with me. He and Choso haven’t heard from Sukuna in days. They’re worried sick, and he’s…he’s not okay. I think you know that.”

There was a pause on the other end, the silence stretching uncomfortably long. I could almost picture Kenjaku’s calculating look, weighing his options. Finally, he sighed. “He showed up here a few nights back. I didn’t ask questions. He’s been sleeping it off on my couch, but I’ll be honest—he looks like hell, Y/N.”

The anger that had been simmering inside me now sparked, but it wasn’t toward Kenjaku. It was all for Sukuna—his self-destructive spiral, the pain he was dragging everyone into, and the part of him that still didn’t realize how much he meant to those around him.

“I’ll be over soon,” I said, voice steady despite the turmoil within me. “But please, don’t tell him I’m coming. I don’t want him bolting before I get there.”

Kenjaku’s chuckle was dry, but he agreed. “Sure thing. I’ll keep him occupied, though good luck getting through to him. He's really badly…. He’s fucked up, Y/N.”

I hung up, feeling a mix of relief and dread. When I looked at Yuuji, his eyes were wide, filled with a flicker of hope. He didn’t need to ask what I’d found out; the look on my face told him everything.

“I’m going to see him,” I said softly, reaching for my bag. “I’ll try to talk to him, to get through to him, somehow.”

Yuuji looked at me with a mixture of gratitude and worry. “Thank you,” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

With a final squeeze of his shoulder, I turned and headed out the door, my heart pounding as I braced myself for the conversation I wasn’t sure I was ready to have.

Yuuji nodded, taking the key from my hand with a somber expression. "I will. Be careful, okay?" he said, his voice thick with unspoken worry.

I offered him a brief smile, though I could feel the weight of everything pressing down on me. "I will. Just... keep an eye on things here, yeah? If anything happens, call Toji."

Yuuji gave me a small, reassuring nod before he turned to head toward the stairs, his footsteps echoing in the hall as he climbed.

I stood there for a moment longer, staring at the door. The tension was building inside me—this wasn't going to be easy. I had no idea what I was walking into, but I knew I had to face it. For Yuuji. For Choso. And for myself.

With a deep breath, I pulled my jacket tighter around me and left the apartment, locking the door behind me. The walk to Kenjaku's place felt longer than usual, each step heavy with uncertainty. The city seemed quieter tonight, the streetlights casting long shadows across the pavement as I made my way toward the familiar building.

When I finally arrived, I didn't bother knocking. Kenjaku had given me the code to the door ages ago. I typed it in quickly, the door clicking open with an almost too-loud sound. The hallway was dimly lit, and I could hear the faint murmur of voices from behind one of the doors.

I hesitated for a moment, my hand on the doorframe. This was it. I didn’t know what I was about to walk into, but there was no turning back now.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open.

I stood there, taking in the scene before me—Sukuna, looking completely worn down, his eyes barely open, his hair disheveled and his face a mess of exhaustion and defeat. The cigarette hung loosely from his hand, the smoke curling up into the air as Uraume stood nearby, her posture stiff, frustration radiating off of her.

"Uraume, calm down," I said, my voice steady but firm as I crossed the room, stepping closer to the couch where Sukuna was sprawled out.

He groaned in response, his hand sliding off his face just enough for his eyes to meet mine, dull and clouded. He didn’t look surprised to see me, but his expression was unreadable.

"Great, now I'm fucking seeing and hearing shit," he muttered again, his voice thick with fatigue and annoyance.

I didn’t react to his comment, not letting it phase me. Instead, I walked over and sat on the edge of the couch, just enough to be close but not invading his space. I glanced over at Uraume, who seemed to be holding her ground, but she took a step back, recognizing that I was the one who needed to handle this.

"Sukuna, stop hiding," I said, my tone softer now, almost pleading. "What the hell are you doing?"

He didn’t answer immediately, instead, taking another drag from the cigarette, his eyes drifting away from mine, focused on the wall as though he didn’t want to face me, or anyone.

"You think running away is gonna fix anything?" I continued, my voice low but insistent. "You think wallowing in this is gonna bring Jin back? Or fix what’s broken?"

His jaw clenched, and for a moment, I thought he was going to snap at me again, but instead, he just let out a deep sigh, and the silence in the room hung thick.

"I’m not hiding," he muttered, barely above a whisper. "I’m just... tired."

"Then let us help you," I replied, my heart aching for him, but frustration mixing with it. "You don’t have to carry all this alone."

Sukuna shifted on the couch, his hand coming up to cover his eyes again, but this time, there was something in the way he did it—a sort of resignation, like he knew I was right, but couldn't bring himself to admit it. Uraume stood there, arms crossed, clearly waiting for him to make a move, but it was clear he wasn’t ready.

I stayed quiet for a moment, allowing him his space, but I couldn’t just leave it at that. He needed to hear it, and I needed him to understand.

"You're not alone in this, Sukuna," I said quietly, my voice breaking through the tension. "You’ve got people who care about you. People who are worried. And you don’t get to shut them out."

He didn’t respond immediately, but I could see his body language soften just a little. I wasn’t sure if he was hearing me, or if he was just too far gone to care, but I couldn’t give up on him—not when he was this close to losing everything, including himself.

"Sukuna..." I started again, but Uraume cut me off.

"You can only do so much, Y/N," she said, her tone serious, but a little softer now. "He’s gotta want it. He’s gotta find it in himself to get back up. And we can’t make that choice for him."

I nodded, swallowing back the knot in my throat. I knew she was right. But it didn’t make it any easier.

"You think he’ll listen?" I asked, barely above a whisper, not expecting a clear answer.

Uraume gave a small shrug. "Maybe. But only if he realizes he’s not beyond saving. But that’s up to him."

I glanced at Sukuna once more, feeling the weight of everything press down on me. His eyes were still closed, and he looked so damn defeated. Part of me wanted to scream, to shake him out of his spiral. But I knew that wasn’t what he needed.

What he needed was time and a reminder that he wasn’t the only one who had lost something.

Sukuna's smirk was laced with bitterness, and it was as if the weight of his guilt and self-loathing had manifested in those cruel words. His eyes never left me as he took another drag of his cigarette, the smoke swirling around us like a barrier, creating distance between us that I could almost feel.

I didn't flinch. I refused to let him see the impact his words had, but inside, I was crumbling.

His voice was sharp, cutting through the air, his pain seeping out in every syllable. "You think you can save me, Y/N? Don’t fool yourself. You know I’m worthless."

I wanted to shout at him, tell him he was wrong, but instead, my voice came out softer than I expected. "Sukuna, you're not worthless."

He let out a dry laugh, one that held no humor. "Yeah? Then why the hell did you leave? After we fucked, you tossed me out like I was nothing. Isn’t that what you think of me too?"

Each word felt like a blade to my chest. The anger, the resentment in his voice—it was suffocating. I could see the way his eyes flickered with something raw, something vulnerable that he kept buried under layers of pride and self-doubt. But he was pushing it all on me now.

I took a shaky breath, trying to keep my composure, but the truth was, hearing him say those things cut deeper than I ever anticipated.

I stepped closer to him, ignoring the thick cloud of smoke that hung in the air. "I didn’t leave because I thought you were worthless," I said, my voice trembling but determined. "I left because you pushed me away. You closed yourself off, pushed me out of your life like I was nothing. And I couldn’t keep pretending I didn’t see it."

His expression hardened at that, the smirk fading away as he leaned back on the couch, his eyes narrowing at me. "You think I wanted to push you away?" His voice was quieter now, but there was still that edge of anger behind it. "You think I wanted to feel this empty... this fucking broken?"

I shook my head, my heart aching for him even as I held my ground. "No, I don't think that. But that’s what you did. You kept pushing everyone away, even when they were just trying to help. I couldn’t be the one to fix you, Sukuna. I’m not your savior."

He looked away then, the cigarette trembling slightly in his hand. "Then what the hell am I supposed to do, Y/N?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper now, the anger gone, replaced by quiet desperation. "How do I fix this? How do I fix myself?"

I didn’t have an answer. How could I? He had to want it, had to find the strength to fight through his demons on his own. But that didn’t mean I was ready to give up on him.

"You can start by not pushing everyone away," I said, my voice softer now, almost pleading. "You’re not alone, Sukuna. Not yet."

For a long moment, there was silence between us. The tension hung in the air, thick and heavy, as I waited for him to respond. But instead, he just took another drag of his cigarette, looking lost in his thoughts.

"I never asked for any of this," he muttered finally, his words barely audible. "I never asked to be the one holding everything together. I never asked for... this pain."

I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t have an answer for him. All I could do was watch him, hoping, wishing he would find the strength to face what he had been running from.

But deep down, I knew it wasn’t up to me. It never was.

His words hit like a punch to the gut. The rawness in his voice, the way he almost choked on the words—it was as if he was tearing himself apart right in front of me. I watched him, frozen, my heart pounding as he looked away, refusing to meet my eyes.

"Just go, Y/N. Please," he said, his voice rough, barely holding it together. "You made the right choice. Don’t let guilt eat at you. Your love... it wasn’t enough."

I felt the sting of tears welling up, but I forced myself to hold them back. This wasn’t the time to break down. He was pulling up walls as quickly as I tried to break them down, and part of me wondered if he would ever let anyone truly see the pieces of himself he kept hidden. I wanted to tell him he was wrong, that it wasn’t about my love being "enough"—that he was worthy of love even in his darkest moments. But I knew, standing there, that he wouldn’t hear it. Not now.

"Sukuna," I began, my voice catching despite my best efforts to stay steady. "It's not about being enough or not enough. You’re worth more than this... more than what you think of yourself right now."

He let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "Don’t... don’t do that. Don’t pretend I’m some lost soul you can save. You’ve done enough. It’s... it’s better this way."

"Better this way?" I asked, my voice sharper than I intended, feeling the frustration bubbling up. "Better for who? Because I don't think it's better for you. Look at yourself, Sukuna. You’re drowning, and you’re just... letting it happen."

He clenched his jaw, his hand shaking slightly as he flicked the cigarette into an ashtray. "Maybe that’s what I deserve," he said quietly, almost to himself.

The silence between us felt thick, suffocating. I took a step closer, reaching out, but he backed away, pressing himself further into the couch as if my touch would somehow make things worse.

"If that’s really what you believe..." I whispered, my chest tight. "If you really think you deserve this pain... then I can’t force you to change your mind. But I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

For a moment, something flickered in his eyes, something soft and vulnerable, but it vanished as quickly as it appeared. He lowered his gaze, the same smirk that once felt charming was now nothing more than a mask.

"Just... go," he whispered again, his voice so small it was almost lost in the room. "Forget about me. Move on. It’s better that way."

I stared at him, wanting to reach him, to pull him out of this dark place. But maybe he was right. Maybe I couldn’t save him. Taking a shaky breath, I nodded, my heart shattering with each step as I turned toward the door.

Before I left, I looked back one last time. He wouldn’t meet my gaze, his eyes fixed on some distant point on the floor, lost in his own torment.

“Goodbye, Sukuna,” I whispered, the words barely escaping my lips. And with that, I stepped out, leaving behind the man I’d loved—and the pieces of myself that still wanted to believe he could be saved.

Sukuna's pov

I watched the door click shut behind her, the silence settling thick in the room. My chest felt hollow, but the ache gnawed deeper, clawing its way up my throat. I turned to my side, curling up on the couch, pressing my hand over my eyes as if I could shut out everything I’d just done. I’d pushed her away—again—and for what? To prove some sick point that I was beyond saving? That I didn’t deserve her?

I could still smell her faint perfume lingering in the air, feel the warmth she’d brought with her now slipping through my fingers. It wasn’t like I didn’t want her here. God, I wanted her more than anything. But how could I let her stay, knowing what a mess I’d become? How could I put her through the hell I was living every day?

My mind drifted back to Jin and Gramps, memories that never stayed buried long. Jin would’ve slapped me across the head if he saw me like this, wasting away, hurting everyone who tried to care. But I could never forgive myself for that night, for not being there when he needed me. And now, I was dragging Y/N down with me.

The silence felt louder now, each second stretching painfully, mocking me. She’d tried, even after everything I put her through. She tried to reach me, to pull me out of this pit I’d dug for myself. But I’d thrown her love back in her face. Again.

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath, pressing my fists to my temples. I wanted to cry, to scream, to feel something other than this endless, numbing void. But even that felt like too much. All I could do was lie here, drowning in my own misery, pushing everyone who mattered further and further away

Kenjaku grabbed my wrist, yanking my hands away from my ears. "Look at me, Sukuna," he snapped, his tone harsher than I'd ever heard. "This is your last chance. No one else is going to fight for you if you don’t fight for yourself."

I kept my eyes shut, trying to hold on to the darkness, anything to keep from facing the weight of his words. What good was that going to do? The damage was done, and I’d burned every bridge around me.

I tried pulling my arm free, but his grip tightened. "You think you’re the only one hurting?" Kenjaku’s voice dropped, each word laced with a fury that broke through my wall of apathy. "Your brothers are terrified. Toji, Uraume—they’re all watching you tear yourself apart. And Y/N? She might be gone, but you know damn well it’s killing her too."

My hands trembled as I finally opened my eyes, meeting his stare. I could see the disappointment, the anger. But there was something else, something that looked too much like hope.

"Why does it matter?" I murmured, my voice cracking. "I’ve already lost everything. What’s the point?"

Kenjaku’s expression softened for the briefest moment before he pulled me up to sit. "You haven't lost everything, not yet. But if you keep pushing everyone away, there will be nothing left. Not your friends, not Y/N, not even your own damn self."

The words hit like a punch to the gut, and I felt a flicker of something I hadn't felt in months—fear.

I held his stare, my jaw clenched, trying to keep the defiance in my eyes. But Kenjaku didn’t look away, his grip on my arm tightening. "What did you take?" he asked again, his tone sharper, cutting right through me.

I tried to shrug him off, mumbling, "Just something to take the edge off. Why does it matter?"

"Because," he hissed, shaking me slightly, "you can barely stand right now, Sukuna. You're falling apart, and you keep reaching for whatever dulls the pain instead of facing it. So I'll ask you one last time—what did you take?"

I swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his demand. I didn’t want to admit it, didn’t want him to know how far I'd fallen. But the way he was looking at me, with a mixture of anger and something close to pity, broke through the wall I’d put up.

"Xanax... some Oxy," I muttered, barely audible, each word feeling like a confession. "And... a couple drinks." I looked away, shame burning in my chest.

Kenjaku's face twisted with a grimace, and he let go of my arm, taking a step back as if the truth was too heavy for him. "This is what you're doing to yourself?" His voice was low, thick with disappointment. "This isn’t numbing the pain, Sukuna. It's destroying you."

I sank back onto the couch, the weight of his words pressing down like a boulder on my chest. "Maybe that’s the point," I whispered, barely holding back the rawness in my voice. "Maybe that’s all I deserve."

Kenjaku knelt in front of me, looking me dead in the eyes. "Then prove yourself wrong," he said firmly. "If you can’t do it for you, then do it for them—your brothers, your friends, everyone who’s still here trying to reach you. But you have to decide to get up and fight."

My answer was simple, and final. "No."

Kenjaku stared at me, frustration flaring in his eyes. I could tell he was holding back from saying more, like he knew words were useless right now.

“You want to keep drowning?” he asked, his voice sharper, leaning closer as if to pierce right through me. “You think this is easier, huh? Wasting away until there's nothing left?”

“Maybe it is," I said, my voice hollow. "Maybe it’s the only way I can even get through this. The only thing that keeps my mind off... everything.”

“You’re just running,” Kenjaku shot back, anger finally surfacing. "You think the pain will leave you alone? It won’t. It’s gonna keep eating you alive until there’s nothing left, Sukuna. Nothing for you, and nothing for the people who actually give a damn about you."

I clenched my fists, nails digging into my palms until the sting cut through the haze clouding my mind. “Then let it. I’m not worth anything to anyone.”

Kenjaku exhaled, the fight leaving his shoulders. He stared at me, his eyes dark and steady. “You keep saying that, but it’s not true. You know it’s not true.”

Silence settled between us, heavy and unbreakable, until he finally straightened, his expression hardening. “Fine. You want to stay here, stay here. But don’t expect any of us to stick around and watch you throw your life away.”

[manofbeskar]

to be honest idk if i want to continue posting on tumblr anymore. i'm kind of sick of running so many accounts, and even with over 10k followers on tumblr, the engagement is so low that it's basically not worth it. i don't know if i will delete the blog in the future but for now I'll leave it here, if you want to keep engaging with me, please look for me (under the same username) at:

twitter/x, instagram: art, shop drops, comics, animatics

bluesky: art, shop drops, comics, animatics, other thoughts/personal life/hobbies

tiktok: animatics, comics

ao3: fics

(shop) ko-fi: merch, comics

yeah that's it, i just don't think tumblr is worth it. i'm sick of running so many accounts, so i'm dropping the one with the lowest consistent engagement. i know, it's annoying to follow me on every platform, i am also annoyed to run them. but when art is how i make money, i don't have a choice but to be annoying and care about engagement. i wish i didn't have to, because i don't want to

thanks to those who have consistently interacted with my art on here, especially those who leave funny/analytical tags in reblogs! i really appreciated it! i hope to see you on another platform in the future. i will not post on tumblr anymore, and i will reblog this post again if i decide to delete it entirely (i'm not sure how willing i am to leave my posts up without knowing what discussions may end up occurring on them, if that makes sense). thank you

[stayevildarling]

Hii! I'm requesting an angst /hurt/comfort wilhelmina, billie, cordelia and reader fic, with reader who let's say is getting threatened by someone, like a warlock, another witch etc. But the threats are really really bad, that could put her girlfriends in danger. So reader makes the decision to leave them, and the academy and her friends behind in order to keep them all safe, but her girlfriends have absolutely no clue why reader is trying to get away from them, and because she can't tell the truth, she has to say some really hurtful things to them in order for them to stop pushing and finally leave her alone. After a while, maybe one of her girls find out why reader did what she did, and they track her down to talk this all out and to help put a stop to whoever is sending the threats

Happy ending please💛💛

Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Billie Dean Howard x Reader- Threatening Secrets

A/N: enjoy🤍

tw/tags: established poly relationship, female reader, mention of violence, mention of gun, mention of past mental health struggles, mention of smoking, cursing

word count: 3.5k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahelvar , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @ahsatanizgay, @laavaagirl, @stepintomyworld

When the first letter arrived weeks ago, you assumed it was a prank, finding it in your office on your desk within the academy. The threats were harmless at first and you brushed it off immediately, shoving it in a drawer inside your desk and not wasting another thought about it as you had to deal with enough at the academy, new witches joining, taking care of teaching your classes and your girlfriends of course.

But when the next one came a while later, a feeling of unease crept into your chest as your shaking fingers ghosted over the letter that looked like it had been written with a typewriter. And from then on it only got worse, specific instructions as to what to do and that you had to leave the academy and your girlfriends behind in order to keep them safe. You thought about telling them at first but with Billie‘s show, Wilhemina‘s work and Cordelia being the supreme and headmistress, you didn‘t want to add too much to their plates, thinking you could deal with this on your own at first.

Sadly it never stopped though, letters reading exactly what coffee shop Billie had stopped for work that day, what Wilhemina had worn or what Cordelia had been doing flooded in and you couldn‘t stop the anxiety in your chest. You tried everything at first to see who had sent them, using countless spells to track them back or find any clues as to where they came from, using some time of your day to follow your girlfriends and see if you maybe noticed anyone suspicious. But every single attempt left you without any answers and all you could do in return was slowly pull away, the last letter reading if you so much as even tried to tell them they would suffer the consequences and die.

And you couldn‘t let that happen, your girlfriends having been your rock for years. Billie the sunshine who always made you smile with her jokes and her attitude, Mina undeniably your safe space with her steady arms holding you and Delia the person you could rely on always. But of course they noticed your silence, how you would spend most days and nights in your office, skipping on meals with them and slowly pulling away from your usual routines. You missed them with every fiber of your being but you also knew you needed to get used to being without them as the letters left you hopeless and fearing you have no choice left.

Cordelia was the first to notice the tension whenever she was near you, how you flinched and often backed away. Mina noticed how you barely talked and Billie noticed the sadness behind your eyes. They had tried so often to coax you out of your office, bringing you meals and cradling your face in their soft hands to get something, anything out of you. And ultimately that made the decision to leave even worse. But you couldn‘t find an option and you feared who sent the threats, knowing if they had stalked the academy in the way they had, your girlfriends may truly be in danger, especially the medium and redhead who after all didn‘t have any witchpowers to defend themselves.

One evening, Wilhemina found you in the hallway, as you slipped from the bathroom back into your office, gaze fixed on the floor before your eyes met familiar purple and a cane. „Little one“ she smiled upon seeing you but the concern lingered in her eyes. „Where are you off to?“ she asked and as her brown eyes locked with your own, you felt like faltering under her loving gaze, missing her more than anything but remembering the words from the letters. „Just my office, got a lot of work to do“ you mumbled, avoiding her gaze. She sighed in response as she tried reaching you. „Little one, I have talked to Cordelia and you shouldn‘t be this busy with your academy stuff, please tell me what‘s going on, we want to help you“ she pleaded and the softness in her tone made the heartache even worse.

„I just need some space“ you mumbled and you missed the way her eyebrows furrowed. „From us?“ she asked and your eyes closed as you practically forced the response out of you, despite it killing you with every fiber of your being. „Yes“ is all you managed to say before leaving, basically running into your office and slamming the door shut as the tears took over and you practically broke down. Wilhemina stood in the hallway stunned, never having seen you like that before and being able to tell that this wasn‘t you. But no matter what they did, you only pulled further away, letters arriving daily at that point and so you made your mind up one day, packing your things early in the morning when all of them had been at work and gathering most things in your office, not wanting to leave them with the additional heartache of having to sort through your things.

That afternoon you lingered outside the greenhouse, the aftersun sun casting beautiful tones of orange and yellow on Cordelia‘s skin as you watched her teach a class passionately. You couldn‘t help but smile, a bittersweet one as a tear streamed down your cheek, remembering your first kiss with the supreme in the greenhouse and how she had taught you everything you by now know in there. After dinner you watched Billie from your office window, having her after dinner cigarette and watching her scroll through her phone, seeing her golden locks and how beautiful and perfect she looked. You wanted so badly to say goodbye to them but you couldn‘t, knowing Cordelia would see right through you, knowing that Billie wouldn‘t stop fussing if you even tried to say goodbye.

But you couldn‘t stop yourself from finding Mina that night, her office door slightly ajar as you hesitated. She had been through enough and you knew this would kill her, having you leave without an explanation. And so you finally knocked a quiet „Come in“ seconds later before you stepped inside. Her features softened as soon as she saw you and it killed you inside. „Hi little one“ she greeted and you stepped inside hesitantly as she set the book down she was reading. „Am I interrupting?“ you asked nervously before she quickly shook her head „Nonsense“ she smiled before you stepped closer. „I was wondering- can I have a hug?“ you asked, so quiet that she almost didn‘t hear you. She immediately steps forward, not wasting any time as she wrapped her arms around you.

As soon as you felt her arms around you, the tears streamed down your cheeks but her shirt soaked them up, leaving your heart breaking in her arms. You held on for dear life, wishing you could speak up and tell her. But you didn‘t, letting her arms keep you steady before she pulled away to look at you. „Are you okay?“ she asked, the concern evident as you mumbled some words of reassurance. „I love you Mina“ you whispered as you left her be, hiding away in your office, waiting for them to sleep before you took your bags and left, aimlessly walking away from the academy and checking into a motel on the outskirts of town, breaking down that night as you hid away under the uncomfortable covers, wishing you could be with them instead.

When they searched for you the next morning, your girlfriend’s suspicions after what Wilhemina had told them left them uneasy. They found a letter on your desk, realizing it was empty as well as your things being gone, some words about not being able to do this anymore and it being better that way. They couldn‘t believe it, Billie digging through your shared wardrobe and finding it mostly empty. Cordelia tried calling you countless times but you had turned your phone off, knowing they would do this and wanting to avoid further heartache. That day was silent in the academy, your presence missing and their hearts aching as they tried to find an explanation.

A few days passed and they struggled in their own ways, Billie smoking far more than usual, Wilhemina snapping more and Cordelia searching your office again for any clues, holding onto your letter and trying to read between the lines. A day later she dropped the letter under your desk, seeing a locked drawer as she bend over and unlocking it with her magic. And then she finally found it, the letters tugged away neatly and beginning to read over them. Each letter felt like her heart was breaking all over again, realizing you had done this to protect them, anger taking over as she wishes you wouldn‘t have had to go through this on your own. That night, she found Mina and Billie in the dining room, throwing the letters on the table as tears linger in her eyes.

„What is this?“ Billie asks confused as she picks up the stack, her manicured nails ghosting over the writing and when she begins reading, tears swell in her eyes, understanding why you left, what you had to deal with. Wilhemina‘s knuckles turned white when she read them, seeing the dried tear stains and anger washing over her. „Why the hell didn‘t she tell us?“ she snaps, pacing in the room as her cane angrily echoes through the silent room. „We could have helped her, she didn‘t need to leave“ Billie cries as mascara runs down her cheeks. „She wanted to keep us safe“ Cordelia mumbles as the three of them sit in silence.

„Who would do this?“ Billie breaks the silence after a while and neither of them have an explanation before Wilhemina snaps „We have to find her and end this, Cordelia you can find her right? with your magic?“ she asks and the supreme nods. „Let‘s go“ Billie ushers, determination in her face as she stands tall. They don‘t waste time, getting into a car and the blonde using her magic to trace you to the run down motel at the outskirts of town. The receptionist isn‘t necessarily helpful but Wilhemina doesn‘t have a lot of patience left and so she eventually tells them which room you are in. When a determined knock snaps you away from your thoughts, you walk to the door, not expecting this to be anyone you know as often drunk strangers had knocked and stumbled to the wrong room.

When you see the three of them, your breath hitches and you freeze, having longed for this moment for the past week without them. „You- you shouldn‘t be here“ you try keeping your composure before Cordelia walks past you, stepping inside, followed by Billie and Wilhemina as they close the door. „Why darling?“ is all that Billie says that causes the tears to return. They scan the room, uncomfortable and cold, seeing the liquor bottles, takeout countainers and empty cigarette packets as it had been your only way of coping. Wilhemina falters as she sees the photo frame of the four of you next to your pillow, unable to imagine the pain you had been in.

„You need to leave it‘s better that way“ you mumble weakly as you remember the threats and letters. Cordelia steps forward but you back away before she whispers „We know darling, we found the letters, you don‘t have to pretend anymore“. Upon hearing the words your whole world tilts upside down, realizing that after all your careful steps you forgot to take the one thing that would eventually lead them to do this, forgetting the letters. They watch as your strong act falters, knees buckling and hands shaking as the tears take over and Billie is quick to step forward, catch you in her arms before you completely break down. Sobs wreck through you as she sits you down on the sofa, holding you as Wilhemina and Cordelia keep their own tears at bay. „Shh babydoll, it‘s okay, we are here now, you‘re safe“ the medium coos as your chest heaves with the pain you had endured.

For a while the only noises are your sobbing as you hold onto Billie for dear life before you glance at Wilhemina and Cordelia who stand almost frozen. „I‘m so sorry, I never meant to say those things and leave like that- I was just so scared“ you admit which causes Cordelia to kneel infront of you. „My darling girl, you have been so brave, you wanted to keep us safe and we aren‘t angry at you“ she coos as she wipes your tears softly. „All we want is to take you back home and find the person who did this“ she explains and you meet her eyes as insecurities fill you. „You- you still want me?“ you ask weakly and the question takes Cordelia‘s breath away as Wilhemina steps forward, taking your hand. „Little one, of course we want you, these past few days have been hell“ she explains „And I can‘t imagine how much this has been for you“ she whispers.

You nod weakly, letting Cordelia scoop you into her arms as Billie and Mina begin packing your things. „Thank you“ you whisper as Cordelia‘s hand holds yours firmly as they lead you away from the motel and into their car. Billie holds you on the backseat the entire car ride home and eventually you fall asleep in her arms, not having been able to sleep a wink without them. They carry you inside, changing you into something comfortable before laying you in your usual spot in the middle of your shared bed, the three of them holding you through the night as they couldn‘t be more grateful to have you back safe and sound, knowing there was still things to be done, the person responsible needing to be found but for now, you didn‘t need to suffer anymore.

It took a few days for you to adjust to your acaedemy life again, Billie helping you sort through your things again and get settled into your office, Cordelia taking over your classes to give you some time and room to heal and Wilhemina would keep a close eye on you, making sure you are truly fine and helping you heal gently. And slowly the smiles returned to your faces as you healed together and with each other. Cordelia worked hard with the council to trace the person but it was a slow process as you had already tried to find the person responsible.

Everything was going great until you found another letter on your desk, this time a small box too and when you closed the door, your breath hitched as you realized this wasn‘t over. As you open the box your world stops as you see a loaded handgun, the letter reading „You failed. You have three days to end your life or we will kill them all“. Your hand lingers on the gun, ghosting over it and the letter and suddenly thoughts fill your mind, the same ones you have had in your past. But almost like magic, there is a knock at your door and Cordelia and Wilhemina step inside as they wanted to check on you. „What the hell?“ Mina snaps as she walks towards you, Cordelia quick to comfort you as she takes your trembling hands and hands Mina the letter.

„I‘m so sorry“ you whisper, as she wipes your tears „I thought this would have stopped“ you cry as Cordelia closes her eyes. „No sweetie, I am sorry. You shouldn‘t have to deal with this and I promise you, I will make this stop okay?“ all you can do is nod into her chest as she holds you, Wilhemina taking over as Cordelia heads out to the council, wanting to get this over and done with once and for all. They had a few hints and traces but nothing really seemed to work in order to make it stop. And each of them felt guiltly, seeing how it was eating you up and how they could do nothing other than hold you.

For two days there was silence and you had hope, hoping that the councils efforts to trace them may have scared them away but when you find a letter in your coat pocket the next day, you lock yourself in the nearest bathroom to read it. „One day left, last chance“ it reads and inside you find a small blade, a painful reminder of the times when you self harmed some years ago, the scars barely visible by now. And you knew they were trying so hard, holding you, making you breakfast and sitting with you, not wanting you to be alone throughout the day but you consider it then. Ending it all would make the suffering stop after all, stop the threats and you only had one day left, remembering the gun and you knew they weren‘t messing around.

For the remainder of the day you manage to hide away but once the evening rolls around you hide away for dinner, your girlfriends immediately on alert as they try and coax you out of it. But you manage to force your best smile, saying you wanna catch up on work and eat later, blade pressed into your palm. Hours later you manage to snap yourself out of it, push the thoughts away as you find Cordelia in her office. As you step inside, you see her bright but concerned features and as you hand her the letter her face drops. Without a word, you open your palm and let her take the blade and her eyebrows furrow in confusion. „Was this inside?“ she asks and when you nod she sighs, checking your face and walking to the door. „Mina.. Billie“ she calls out and immediately the two of them rush over.

„Stay with her please, we are ending this tonight“ she sighs with determination as she presses a quick kiss to your cheek, telling you how proud she is of you and taking Billie, knowing the medium could be of use. Mina stands there a little stunned, seeing you so quiet and as she approaches, her hand gently strokes your cheek as she asks what happened. „Just another letter“ you sigh and she frowns before being able to tell there is more to this. „What is it?“ she asks as she sits you both down on the sofa in the corner of the room. „There was a blade in it too“ you admit and her eyes close in pain before they ghost over your wrists. „Did you?“ she asks and your eyes widen, the two of you never really having talked about your past before. You shake your head and a proud smile fills her features as she holds you in her arms. And you let her, resting your head on her chest and listen to her steady heartbeat.

Neither of you talk, the woman simply holding you as she couldn‘t be more proud of you for how you handled this whole thing. Occasionally you sniffle but she is quick to wipe the tears before you eventually fall asleep in her arms, blanket draped around you both as she softly rocks you back and forward, Cordelia‘s office providing peace and quiet. Hours later the supreme and blonde return, finding you asleep in her arms and as Wilhemina glaces at them both she gives them a questioning look and when Cordelia nods, she sighs in relief. As Billie steps forward, she holds your hand, wanting nothing more than to comfort you and for a second your eyes open before she smiles „It‘s over“ she murmurs and you blink a few times before glancing at Cordelia who smiles reassuringly. „It‘s over sweet girl, no one will ever hurt you again“.

Tears brim your eyes, relieved ones as you glance at Wilhemina who simply looks at you with all the love in the world. „Thank you“ you whisper before heavy exhaustion washes over you, knowing now this was finally over. Your eyes feel heavy and you try hard to fight back the sleep but Billie‘s fingers rub soothing circles on your head, encouraging you to rest. And later that night as you find yourself in the steady arms of your girls, you couldn‘t be more relieved and happy that this was over, that Cordelia finally managed to track them down. A group of old witches who held a grudge for years and took this way too far, the supreme and council having successfully dealed with them though and Billie making sure to avenge what they did by using her right hook.

And as long as your girls are by your side, no one was every going to hurt you again. And despite your noble actions for wanting to keep them safe, from now on the four of you would face anything together, always.

[nivasichakano]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

Thanks anon! I put this off for a while because, though I think I'm pretty good at sharing my fics, I'm not so good at talking about why I like them XD In the words of the great Kel Kimble: aw here it goes...

Driven

My Bloodweave F1 AU, which features Gale and Astarion as rival Formula 1 teammates. One of the sillier ideas I've had, that wound up being one of my favorite things I've ever written. The meepboys took on a complete life of their own and the way readers have reacted to their shenanigans has been genuinely heartwarming. I truly did not expect it from this story and it's probably the one that's brought me the most joy of all my fics. Meep meep <3

Snakes & Ladders

Another silly idea based on riffing with @patheticfangirl, @zigraves & @astraliaa in the Bloodweave Brainrot Discord, that turned into a whole one-shot. In a tadpoleless world, spawn Astarion is sent to steal an artefact from a tower belonging to legendary Wizard of Waterdeep. I think this is my most 'me' fic in terms of the slightly surreal sense of humor, angst, and a smattering of hurt/comfort. I had a whole follow-up series planned out for this and I might still come back to it if the Bloodweave train is still going strong when I finish up my other WIPs.

Hustle

"I'm old and I know nothing about YouTube, I will write this Bloodweave YouTubers AU!" said Nivasi with unbridled and undeserved confidence (before being immediately validated by this becoming my most popular fic, so, blame yourselves). Shout out to @astraliaa (again!) and @bluebeebalmwrites who came up with the entire premise of Gale the magic professor YouTuber and Astarion, his biggest online hater. I was really not the right person to write this so I ended up making it weird and luckily people still seemed to like it anyway.

Last Christmas

It's probably a bit late for Christmas indulgence but this is the least-read of all my fics and I was really happy with it so I'd like you to read it please. It's what happens when I let my inner Gale out for some full-blown tooth-rotting romance. A modern, no-magic Bloodweave AU set in the offices of the Baldur's Mouth Gazette during the team's annual Secret Santa.

What Friends Are For

My first-ever Bloodweave story and a paradigm of seat-of-your-pants fic writing. WFAF is a post-canon tale where Astarion gets sent to check up on a depressed Gale in the wake of his divorce from Tav. It started out as an attempt at pwp and then it got so much p (plot) by accident. It's all over the place (in hopefully a fun way) but chapters 11-13 are some of my favorite chapters I've written of anything. I think all the writers I know have done this but, if you haven't, I am tagging YOU. okay thx sorry bye! <3

[larluce]

Rules: you will be given a word. Then you share one sentence/excerpt from your wip(s) that starts with each letter of your word!

I was given the word TIME by @tansyuduri . Thank you SO much for the tag! ❤️

The first one is a fragment of the next chapter of my fic From the Grave to the Craddle

The second one, a fragment of the next chapter of my fic Protecting the Dragonlord's Son

The third one, a very future scene that will happen on my Merlin as Arthur's familiar/Arthur's shapeshifter falcon AU

And the fourth one, a scene from Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU that will appear once is fic (Yes I'm working on that too) , which I'm co-writing with @evadne01 and @rubinaitoart by the way!

- T -

The wooden dummy falls to the ground, the sound of the impact muffled by the grass. Arthur gasps, sweat running down his forehead and nose. He's exhausted, he had to defeat ten 'bandits' today, but the adrenaline is still strong in his veins, so he doesn't abandon his defensive stance. He's sure this is the last one, but there was always the possibility that he had miscounted or that his master had added more hidden dummies to take him by surprise.

“Boo!” a voice shouts behind him and Arthur turns quickly, almost dropping the handle of his sword, startled. Those electrifying blue eyes he knows so well look at him mischievously accompanied by a big smile worthy of someone very pleased with himself.

“By the gods, Merlin!” exclaims Arthur. “One of these days I'm going to stab you by accident if you keep doing that.”

“With a wooden sword?” Merlin looks at him with a raised eyebrow. Arthur looks at his sword.

“It's more dangerous than it looks,” the blond defends his trusty weapon, stubborn and proud as only a fourteen-year-old can be.

Besides, I'll soon have a real one, Arthur thinks with excitement, Emrys promised me.

“Your reflexes have improved, Arthur, good job,” as if he had summoned him with his thoughts, his mentor emerges from the shadows. He has a slight smile on his face, just a hint of a smile, and yet it is the widest smile he has seen in years. “Merlin, what did I tell you about butting in on your partner's training?” the old man scolds his other pupil.

“Oh, but he was done!” Merlin retorts, but when he sees that his master does not take his disapproving look away, he sighs. “I'm sorry, I won't do it again.” Emrys just shakes his head.

“Help Arthur out of his armor and we’ll start your training,” the old man turns around and, with a movement of his hand, makes the wooden and straw dolls scattered on the floor stand up, as if they had a life of their own, and follow him in a row behind him, marching.

“You see that?!” exclaims the twelve-year-old warlock, between impressed and irritated, pointing in the direction his mentor went with the fake bandits. “He didn’t even use a spell or anything. He just…” he imitates the movement with his hand in an exaggerated manner. “That!”

“You can also move things without casting any spells, Merlin,” says Arthur as if it were no big deal, while trying to undo the straps of the armguard. “Ow!” he complains when his friend removes the shoulder pad with his arm in the wrong position.

“Don't move,” Merlin warns. “Moving objects is one thing, Arthur, animating them is another. Even with spells it’s hard to achieve-Stop moving!”

- I -

“I’m fine now. Really.”

Arthur stares at his servant’s face for a few seconds to make sure he’s not lying. Merlin knows this, so he holds his gaze, even though he feels self-conscious at the intensity in the prince’s eyes. He understands that after so many lies Arthur doesn’t believe him right away and that they have to rebuild the trust between them.

Merlin understands that, but… Is it necessary that Arthur looks at him straight in the eyes like that?

“Very well,” the prince finally agrees. “Since we have that settled. We need to talk about the dragon.”

“Oh…” Merlin gets nervous again. “Can’t we start with something else?”

The young warlock doesn’t feel comfortable talking about the dragon right now. Not when the worst mistakes he’s made are related to it.

“No, Merlin,” Arthur says in a tone that almost sounds apologetic. “We have to start with this. My father is going to question you about the dragon.”

“What?!” Merlin screams in panic. What does he mean Uther is going to interrogate him again? He barely survived the first interrogation!

Noticing his distress, Arthur quickly grabs his arm with one hand. Merlin is puzzled for a moment. Does he think he's going to run away?

“It's just a routine investigation,” the prince reassures him, and the hand on his arm begins to gently caress him with his thumb. “You were the last to interact with the dragon and the dragonlord, so he wants to know if you have any information that could help stop them.”

Merlin looks away and blushes helplessly. It's absurd, it's not like it was the first time Arthur grabbed his arm or held him this close, but it was always rough and in a camaraderie-like manner. This… this feels more intimate somehow. It's…

As his anxious hands begin to play with the sheet he remembers that he's sitting on Arthur's bed. Right, Arthur has sat him on his bed! Since when does he do that?

“Merlin?” the prince snaps his fingers, bringing his servant out of his thoughts.

- M -

Much to his dismay, Carleon realises how doomed his nephew actually is.

It was no secret that the King of Camelot was a falcon lover, especially merlins. They were the national bird par excellence and their hunting was forbidden throughout Camelot kingdom. He's been informed its King has 6 pet merlins, 1 that turned out to be a magical creature and 5 common merlins that he has entrusted to his most trusted knights and they are better trained than any domesticated bird ever seen in all Albion. Everyone knows that Arthur Pendragon loves those merlins with his life.

And his nephew, his nephew had...

Arthur: (barely contained rage) He shot him with an arrow that went through his wing and chest. (His voice breaks a bit) He was just two years old.

Carleon: I'm sure my nephew didn't mean to... I mean, I don't think he knew it was one of your merlins. He's still not aware of all the new customs of your kingdom. Where we come from, bird hunting is very common-

Arthur: In other words, he didn't even want to kill my merlin in an act of defense or attack, but just for the fun of it.

Carleon: You have to understand. He's young, immature.

Arthur: We're the same age. Are you implying that I'm not mature enough to be king?

Carleon: ...

Arthur: Of course you are. That's why you keep sending raiders to my borders. That's why you haven't wanted to sign a peace treaty or negotiate with me in my nearly two years of reign. You think me incompetent, an easy target, and what word did you use? Immature.

Carleon: Well, you risking your kingdom to go to war with another just because your bird pet was shot doesn't exactly help my image of you.

Arthur: (pauses dangerously, and says in a low voice) "just because your bird pet was shot." (Repeats, raising his voice, furious) Just because your bird pet was shot!

Carleon: We have several falcons in Gwynedd too, I'm sure we can come to an agreement-

Arthur: Blizzard.

Carleon: ... Pardon?

Arthur: My merlin, the one your nephew injured, is called Blizzard. I took care of him since he was an egg, I saw him hatch, I fed him myself, I saw him grow, molt his feathers, he was the first of my merlins to learn to fly. My merlins were one of the few joys and comforts I had after my father passed away and my home was almost burned to the ground, King Carleon. My merlins are not my pets, they are my children and you are offering to replace him?

Carleon: (shocked) No... I mean...

Arthur: Well, I'll give you the same solution. You replace your nephew.

Carleon: (furious and offended) You little brat-

Arthur: Be careful with your words, I think you forget that I still have your prince's life in my hands.

Carleon: (sighs to calm down) If you kill him there will be war. Be reasonable.

Arthur: I tried to be reasonable with you several times in the past and you rejected each opportunity. Don't call me unreasonable now. Your prince committed a crime in my kingdom. If it had been anyone else, the sentence would have been the same. I'm just enforcing the law, it's not my fault that the prince wasn't aware of the laws of the lands he was trying to steal from me. Besides, weren't you looking for the perfect excuse to go to war with me? Well, here it is. Aren't you happy?

Carleon: (threatening) If you execute him, I'll have no mercy when these lands are mine.

Arthur: I admire your optimism, as if Camelot's army wasn't as strong and large as yours. But guess what? Even if you left a river of blood in your wake, nothing, absolutely nothing, will bring you back your beloved nephew.

Carleon: ....

Arthur: (laughs humorlessly, his eyes glazed over) It hurts, doesn't it? You won't see your nephew again and I won't see my Blizzard again. Nothing will bring him back to me.

Carleon: (sighs) Alright, I underestimated you and I was greedy and for that I ask for your forgiveness. I'm willing to negotiate now.

Arthur: I don't want to negotiate. I want justice.

- E -

Everyone eyes are on the sapling now. Horrible realization in their eyes. Gwen gasps and covers her mouth, her eyes watering. Leon pales so much it's almost funny. Percival, who seems dead inside, hardly responsive, opens his eyes wide as the only reaction to the news. Gaius… Gaius already suspected, of course, but it doesn't make him look less devasted.

Gwen: Why? Why would they…?

Arthur: They wanted to punish him. Something about him doing more wrongs than rights with his power, I don't know. (Thinks) And honestly I don't care. Who are they to decide? What right do they have?

Gaius: Rather Merlin wronged them. They’ve meddled in Camelot’s affairs twice before. Lady Sofia and Lord Aulfric. Princess Elena. Merlin stopped them every time.

Arthur: (Thinking) Nobody thought to tell me any of this until now? (Bitterly) So it was personal?

Gaius: I… wouldn't be able to tell.

Arthur: (about to lash out) You knew that and you thought going for them for help was the best idea?!

Gaius: I…

Gwen: (scolds) Arthur! (rests her hand against his arm, and both Leon and Percival bow their heads a little.) I know you're hurt. We are all hurting. But don’t You dare blame Gaius for this. Don't You dare!

Arthur: (composes himself) You’re right. My apologies, Gaius. You are not at fault, lets focus in what we can do to get him back to normal.

....

That would be all.

The word I choose is LATE.

I tag: @evadne01 , @rubinaitoart , @theroundbartable , @ramblings-of-a-chaotic-neutral .

[azuralnguyendd]

I can't believe I'm making another post. Anyways, uhhh, here's a poll:

After the decision is made, I'll work on it immediately and will tag the person that gave me the material for it

(btw this is for a snippet/short fic included in the fanfiction series "Emotionally (Un)available" by yours truly)

(I'd also like to tag the ppl responsible for my inspiration/p: @magneto-king-of-genosha @not-a-professor )

[no-psi-nan]

Every time I make a new unhinged Akechi fanwork, I end up developing new technical skills. And this time is no different. Truly obsession can be the root of genius. Or something.

[hailsatanacab]

Your Favourite Author's Favourite Fic

in no way is this me sneakily trying to get fic recs out of people, but here's my new tag game!

Rules! When tagged, reblog with the fic you've written that you love the most

Not the fic with the most kudos, or the most comments, or the most hits, but the fic that you're the most proud of. I'm talking about the story that kept you up at night, the one that you still think about, the one that you wish more people would read

So, it's time to show off! I strongly encourage - in fact, I demand - that you give yourself some compliments, a well-deserved pat on the back, and tell us all the reasons why it's your favourite!

Then tag five people and make them go through it, too 🥰🩷

I'll tag @wolfjackle, @tourettesdog, @gilbirda, @die-erlkonigin6083, and @thewritingowl to get us started, please and thank you!!

[expectiations]

Thinking of how "left me like a book on a shelf" is from River's POV and therefore does not mean it is the entirety of the story much like how "the Doctor does not and has never loved me" was uttered from a River who was grieving.

Like the Doctor could have spent a long time putting the TARDIS in stationary orbit around the Library. The Doctor could have puttered about with the Library from years before it was shut down to ensure that everything would go smoothly while doing his best not to change a single thing. And on days when it is too hard, he just stares at the Library from his perch on the TARDIS door. Waiting, hoping, thinking. Trying to find a way out for her. For them.

And he does!

He finds a hundred ways to get her out of the data core. But...something always goes wrong. It's somehow never good enough. She's back, but she's not entirely there.

So he scratches it out, slaps himself, and tries again.

And again.

And again.

But his plans always fail.

But they don't. Not really. His plans could work. Could have worked. His beloved Sexy would help him. She'd always help him when it comes to her Water. But he was too scared. Too frightened of failure. Because one single mistake. One. Single. Mistake. And she's gone. He can never get her back. Forever.

So he runs. And runs. And runs. Until centuries has gone by and companion come and gone. Until he met a younger, more alive version of her. And then they had Darillium. And oh the joys of wonderful joys, what a night that was.

But things end. Even for him. They had to part ways again. Had to say goodbye. So he tries again. Picks up what his previous self had shelved. He tries. Oh how he tries.

But still. That fear exists. Is it worth it? Can he finally accomplish what he'd started a literal lifetime ago?

(He doesn't.)

Off on another lifetime with a new body. He's a...she now? Oh and shorter! Wow. That's new! I wonder what Ri–

On the rare moments she allows herself to succumb to sleep she goes to their his her study. She takes a moment to take everything in. It's unrecognizable now – the study that once was theirs filled with warmth and laughter and-

Every single space was taken. Covered by plans of plans of plans spanning...two...lifetimes now. Sexy still kept it just as it was the last time he she had been in there.

Their His Her favorite throw was still where it was – on their his her favorite corner of their his her favorite couch.

Nothing had changed but everything had changed.

She curled up and buried her face hoping it would still smell of her (It did. They never knew how it worked but somehow her smell still lingered anyway. They thought they were hallucinating at first but other people had been able to smell it too. Sometimes they forget but Sexy also lost her too).

She was a he again. The same face they had four lifetimes ago. The same face who was the first to keep the memory of their meeting.

But wh- what? Why? How? Is this it? Is this the body that finally brings her back home? A fitting act really. He put her in there and so he'll also put her out of there.

But... she wasn't there. Nothing was there. Nothing but chunks of debris and ashes and smelted...somethings.

When he blinked his eyes open (when had he closed them?), Donna's worried face greeted him. He blinked again and blinked. Nothing changed. Everything has changed. He had waited for far too long. He had made her wait for far. too. long. He feared of failing her but now he actually has failed her.

Everything was bland now. Was it just him or is everything a bit...on the side of grey? Donna looks at him like he might break. (He won't. He's a Time Lord. Time Lords don't break.) Even Sylvia had taken to treating him a bit more kindly.

He goes off alone with Sexy. His return to the Noble-Temple (Temple-Noble) household becomes fewer and further in between. One day he finds himself in Venice. Wonderful Venice. His Pond and her Roman (who wasn't yet a Roman) had gone here. There were vampires. And running and –

River?

No silly. River wasn't there.

He blinked. And blinked again. Made sure the sky was blue and the clouds still fluffy white. But was that his leather jacket that just whizzed by past him? Wait. Hold on. That was... Was that? Oh no. It wasn't. It couldn't be. Did they? No. They couldn't have.

But of course, apparently they did. Because that was actually his leather jacket wearing self that just passed by him again(?) tugging along his very-much-not-dead wife along running from... Hold on. Why are they running? What- Who's shooting at her?!

[slurpyboii]

Some doodles I didn't feel like making individual posts for

[maki-nsi]

At the end of the day, she is just a girl

[wernerherzogs]

What would be your ideal Buddie fic??

sorry if it'a s cop out answer but there isn't just one... it depends on what i'm in a mood for on any given day! sometimes it's a 10k pwp (x), sometimes it's a porny piece doubling as a character study (x), sometimes it's a devastating canon divergence story that's pretty much Literature (x), sometimes it's a canon divergence that maybe shouldn't work, but does (x), sometimes it's a fun au (x), sometimes it's a perfectly sized slice of life oneshot (x). you know?

[necrotic-nephilim]

jaybrusteph. steph and bruce fuck on jason's grave, jason and bruce fuck on stephanie's grave, steph and jason fucking on bruce's grave. threesome where stephanie gets 2 cocks up her ass. they keeo her tied up in a secret part of the cave fir a week with a vibrator on her clit at low vibration and a fuck machine pounding her ass. they share her for another week straight and by the end of it she's mentally checked out and her face id smeared with mascara and cum. maybe they bring cass over once, and all of steph's holes are occupied at the same time. i want her to keep cumming so hard she walks with a limp for a month. she goes on patrol with a butt plug holding in both of their loads. remote controlled vibrators. just the kinkiest shit possible with these 3. any time bruce and jason fight, they take it out on steph. they both try to fuck her mouth and she chips a tooth and dislocates her jaw but they keep going

i've been thinking about this for *days*. bc idk how you intended this anon, but to me it reads as *delightful* non-con and *super* fucked up with grooming vibes. like in my head, i picture it as Bruce dealt with enough problems when Jason came back from death and he *really* doesn't feel like doing a repeat. so when Steph comes back, even if Babs gives her blessing for Steph to be Batgirl, Bruce doesn't trust it and he definitely doesn't like the idea of Steph wearing a Bat. he's been down this road before and this time, he's not making the same mistakes.

so he tells her she's allowed to be Batgirl but this time, there are more Rules. maybe he had a thing with her when she was Robin but Bruce feels like he obviously wasn't strict enough so, he sets new rules this time around. and Steph has no choice but to agree bc she wants to be Batgirl, she feels like she needs to prove herself again.

i love the idea of the mindbreak the first few weeks, too. esp if there are aphrodisiacs or some kind of drugs involved to keep her in a haze where it's all she can think about until she rlly just. breaks. and is okay with it and has no concept how fucked up it is. Bruce invites Jason just because he'll try anything to pacify Jason at this point, and maybe he had a fucked up thing with Jason already and they needed a sub as a buffer.

i also think it's fun if patrolling and missions are the one place Steph has an escape from all the sexual control. so she really leans into being Batgirl bc it's all she has so when they start making her wear plugs and vibrators out it breaks her a little bit. even as Batgirl, her life will revolve around pleasing Jason and Bruce. and Bruce is telling her that she has no idea how much she's helping with this, he's showing her numbers about how Red Hood has been much less lethal since this all started to really get in her head about how this is a duty and it's a favor that she's doing for Bruce and he's so thankful for it, he almost convinces her that she agreed to this somewhere along the way. so she agrees and is submissive when Jason is getting rougher and rougher with her until joints are dislocating and she's crying and doesn't even have the words to ask for it to stop so she can get a breather.

also like the idea of Bruce and Jason arguing while Steph is on a patrol and it's Jason who finds Steph first and without any sort of warning forces some kind of aphrodisiac drug into her mouth and makes her swallow, calmly telling her she has about an hour before it'll kick in so she better wrap up whatever she's doing and hope she gets to Jason's base so he doesn't have to find her and fuck her wherever she ends up when it kicks in-

and all the bruises and injuries she gets from the sex are explained away by vigilante work. i'm also really into the idea of like, gradual body modification without her awareness or consent. constantly having her on muscle relaxers so it's easier to fuck her without prep. adjusting parts of her body with supplements to their likings until she realizes she doesn't really recognize herself in the mirror. her nose has been broken by sex so many times it stoped healing right. her hips are a different size and she has to wear a plug most of the time bc she's usually so loose. just like. Complete Bodily Control over her, yk? and by the time she realizes how fucked up it is, she's in way too deep.

and pulling Cass into it is *really* fun bc Cass is someone she trusts. so if Cass is okay with this, leaning into it and fucking her mouth with a strap while stroking her hair, then it must be okay. bc it's Cass. and maybe Cass is also fucked up, maybe Cass is just trying to provide Steph comfort in a situation she can't get Steph out of. both are good options esp if Steph doesn't know which it is. she never knows if ppl just don't care enough to notice what she's going through or if Bruce and Jason are doing such a good job of hiding it all that they can't see it. and she gets so Stolkholm'd by the end of it there's no escape she even wants. bc it's not like she can go back to normal. it's not like she could come from regular sex that doesn't hurt to the point she cries anymore. so she just. accepts it.

but yk that's just my hurt/no comfort braincell being evil. bc i am evil and i love the psychology of being sexually broken as much as i love the sexual aspect of it. i think it makes it so much crunchier and realistic if there's this haunting acceptance that isn't necessarily a "oh she loves it now" but more of a "she knows escaping will make her feel worse" sort of thing. like she sees Bruce and Jason arguing and just starts to brace for it instead of trying to break them up. it's good food.

[infernal-lamb]

Howws that fic with your OC going? I’m very intrigued about that one :D

Oh!!! And if you have any new art/tidbits about her?

lmao, its going! I've made progress but now I am sulking like an 18th century poet in their giant, empty study.......Contemplating. Critiquing (just being nervous about posting fic since I havent written anything since I was like. 13. and I'm not exactly a writer, just someone who throws stuff together and goes Well, That's A Plot I Guess!) I'm glad people are intrigued about and Neves dfhjfghf. I DO have some lil doodles of her in the cult. One specific tidbit that makes me laugh: Neves is tall as hell in comparison to the cult members.

I'm not sure how to measure the inhabitants of the Lands of the Old Faith, but I imagine them at least smaller than the average human--mostly because I think its sort of funny to emphasize just *how* out of place Neves is among the Lamb and their flock. This is more like a rough estimate of how they compare LMAO. With her height, the cult members usually ask her to help with picking fruit on big trees or, for example, doing things like standing on her shoulders to clean the Temple windows that are too high up otherwise :') Here's a silly comic w/one of her experiences in the cult too!